#but it was also our longest session so far

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my spouse to open up our relationship?

Tl;dr: He said no years ago but our sex life is non-existent and I'm climbing the walls.

Full story:

Me (early 30s, NB) and my partner (late 30s, M) have been together for over a decade. We have a kid, a mortgage and enough interests in common to keep each other entertained. He's a genuinely good person and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. BUT.

We met before I hit 20, and he was my first ever serious relationship. Our sex life tanked about two years in, but we both had other things going on, and over time I blamed many different factors: living conditions, shift work, my weight gain, health issues, differences in upbringing, levels of queerness - you name it. In the last few years I helped him through a serious medical condition (think two surgeries and a long recovery), but once he was nominally in the clear my mental health went down the drain and I haven't really been back to normal since.

For a while, I had a really good counsellor and for once got to talk about some of the less savoury shit going on in my noggin. It all ended up on a Realisation that we only had sex while sober on a laughably small number of occasions, and any and all attempts on my part to spice things up ended at best with affectionately confounded denial or just a straight up brick wall. I got sober a few years before he did (I'm talking 'uh oh maybe we're having too many too often' rather than 'out of control alcoholism'), which effectively ended our sex life altogether. At this point I'm looking at a solid year since my husband last touched me, and even then it was after he came home from a pub in a silly mood so neither of us ended up getting much out of it. And it's not even the longest stretch.

I floated this as an issue a number of times, and every time he agreed it's something to work on then did precisely zilch. I told him point blank once that I wouldn't be opposed to an open relationship, but he was vehemently against, because that's the first step to a break up in his mind. I suggested he might be ace (there are several clues to that, not just my increasingly unhinged internet history), bought the book as a way to start a discussion - he put it on a shelf and never looked at it again.

After my Big Bad Breakdown earlier this year we ended up in family counselling. It quickly became clear that there are so many things he just Didn't Consider that the sex thing didn't even get mentioned, then we ran out of slots and he hasn't followed up on any of his revelations from the sessions, so I feel like digging in is a lost cause.

I love him, don't want to leave him and quite frankly couldn't even if I did because the UK is a financial ruin. I also have some extremely unfulfilled needs, and can't even rub one out in peace because he finds it weird (???). Even if I didn't find cheating morally Too Far it sounds exhausting and I already have too much going on. I haven't been the easiest person to be around for the last few months, but this has been a years-long issue. So, WBITA to start the conversation on the open relationship again, despite the negative feedback I had previously?

(If it helps, we both have different flavours of neurodivergence, although mine is under treatment and his largely ignored.)

What are these acronyms?

[fleurywiththesave]

And anything i have is yours now to borrow is complete! If you don’t like reading WIPs, it is now safe to proceed. This is also my longest fic so far, and probably the one I’m most proud of. If you read it, I’d love to know what you think!

title: anything i have is yours now to borrow

fandom: men’s hockey rpf

pairing: leon draisaitl/matthew tkachuk, matthew tkachuk/omc

tags: angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, abusive relationship (not matthew and leon), domestic violence, attempted sexual assault, matthew's not a hockey player

summary:

Matthew is always wearing the same thing: black pants, a long-sleeved white t-shirt with the company logo, and a solemn expression. No, not just solemn – sad.

Leon wants to know why.

[thislovintime]

“‘I had my conditions,’ [Tork] clarifies. ‘I didn’t submerge myself in the Monkees as they stood. I wanted to submerge myself in the Monkees as I’d hoped they’d be. The reason I became disenchanted and left is because we did do what I’d hoped we’d do, which was make an album together (Headquarters), and there was no follow-up album. ‘I thought we were capable of being a hit musical group as well as a TV show cast, and I had hopes of our doing that. But in fact, the personnel weren’t right, because none of the other three wanted that; only me. That left me out in the cold.’ By 1968, the group began laying down tracks individually in separate studios with session musicians, with only a scant few tracks containing more than one Monkee — an idea that predates the Beatles’ fragmented ‘White Album’ by several months. Although that album never came out, two of Tork’s solo efforts turned up on his last album with the Monkees, the soundtrack to Head. With one bold stroke, the film and album effectively put an end to the Monkees. ‘The characters were not close to the actual us but a good representation of what Jack Nicholson and Bob Rafelson, who wrote the movie, wanted to convey about us,’ Tork says. ‘In the original script, each of us gets out of the big black box in his own way. They wound up cutting some of the scenes. ‘Micky blithers his way out, I philosophize my way out, Davy bangs his way out — that part stayed in the movie — Mike tries to con his way out. That would’ve given you a better view of their view of us.’” - Arizona Republic, April 5, 2001

“Mike, he cons his way out. [Peter] loves his way out, Micky just says: ‘I’m happy. I’d rather sit here and have no one bug me.’ Me? I fight my way out.” - Davy Jones, Manchester Evening News, May 8, 1968

“The movie portrays them with not so much sweetness and brightness [as the TV show]. It’s a much heavier and far-out thinking group. I wouldn’t call it uncharitable. I thought it was expanding my sense of who they were. There’s a boxing scene in which Micky says, ‘Take this, you dummy.’ Suddenly the music changes and Peter appears in the corner, Christ-like, and says, ‘Micky, I’m the dummy. I’m always the dummy.’ The point was that he was always asked to be the dummy, so here he’s acknowledging it. But he’s also the one who’s given the longest speech in the movie about spiritual evolution, which he’s learned from the guru in the steam room. I was trying to give him a chance to be himself, but in a symbolic way. He is that way today, by the way. In other words, The Monkees became what they really were.” - Bob Rafelson, MOJO, June 2002 (x)

[quintessenceofdust73]

Colleen had spent the last several minutes arranging the small, brightly wrapped packages on the dining table in the Holts’ private suite onboard the Atlas. This wasn’t exactly where she expected to celebrate her daughter’s eighteenth birthday. Colleen never could have imagined that her youngest child would have been fighting in an intergalactic war at such an age, or that Colleen herself would be out in space with the rest of their little family instead of planning a quiet little party at their home.

She placed the smallest of the packages on top of the stack of colorful boxes. It was wrapped in bright blue paper and tied with a green ribbon. Curious, Colleen glanced at the card. It read “With Love, From Lance.” She smiled to herself, wondering what the gift could be. She knew Katie loved all of the other Paladins like older siblings, but with Lance things had been different. She always sat close to him at meetings and at mealtimes. She blushed when Lance complimented her and pouted when her father set a curfew on her late night video gaming sessions with him. ”Leave the door to your quarters open when that boy is here,” her husband had insisted.

Boy? She thought. No, he was a young man, Lance was nearly twenty, and was of an age to have a more serious view of dating and relationships.

More than once Colleen had noticed that Lance had casually slipped one of his long arms around her daughter’s slight shoulders when the Paladins gathered with her family to have a movie night. She also noticed that Katie wrapped her arms around Lance, clinging to him and affectionately nuzzling his chest, a gesture that always made him smile and draw her even closer to him.

Colleen had always thought they were cute together and had hoped for the longest time that their friendship would blossom into something more. She smiled at the recollection of how Lance had won a stuffed Green Lion for her when they went to the Clear Day carnival together. Katie cuddled with it every night, falling asleep with it in her arms.

Sam, on the other hand, wondered what his daughter saw in the boy.

“He’s not as smart as Hunk,” Sam had observed after Katie had gone to bed one evening. “Why would she like a boy who isn’t even close to being her intellectual equal?”

“Shh! She’ll hear you,” Colleen whispered.

”She’s asleep,” Sam replied. “I still think that she and Hunk would make a good match though. He’s a very bright young man—“

“Who’s in love with a very sweet Balmeran girl,” Colleen reminded him. “Katie has told me things about Lance. Did you know that he nearly got himself killed while saving Coran from an explosion? Lance was practically comatose from his injuries, but he woke up momentarily just to take a shot at Sendak when he was trying to hurt our daughter. Did you know about that?” Sam shook his head. “Did she tell you what Lance did when they were captured by Galra Pirates? Those fiends wanted to torture our child, but Lance wouldn’t allow them to come anywhere near her, so they gave him a good thrashing instead.” Colleen stood with her hands on her hips, as if daring Sam criticize Lance for his heroics.

”No,” Sam paused to consider this new information. “She didn’t tell me about any of that.” He didn’t comment on their daughter’s choice of boyfriends any further, but Colleen was still half-convinced that Sam still believed that no one was good enough for their little girl. Not wanting an argument, Sam changed the subject to what Matt had been doing on his latest missions with the Rebels.

Their son was, at the moment, far away from this sector, fighting in a battle in a distant solar system whose name Colleen couldn’t even pronounce.

So much of their time together as a family had been cut short by the apparent tragedy that had befallen Sam and Matt on the Kerberos mission. The grief she experienced at their mysterious disappearance consumed her, then was multiplied when Katie ran away from home to join the Garrison under a false identity. She later found out that her daughter and her friends had been abducted by a sentient spaceship and taken through a wormhole to the other end of the universe. Her only daughter was lost among the stars for three years, and when Katie finally returned home, Colleen could barely recognize her. Her long hair was shorn, her beauty concealed by the disguise of her brother’s old round spectacles. Most shocking of all, she was clad in the hard shell of some high-tech armored alien spacesuit. Although she had returned home physically unharmed, Colleen knew her the little girl she had raised was gone forever.

Every time she watched Katie fall asleep in her narrow bunk, she could momentarily forget that her daughter was a confident young woman who was, among other things, a Paladin, a scientist, and a veteran of far too many battles in the endless war that had been tearing the universe apart centuries before she had been born. Losing this war might mean the end of humanity’s freedom and possibly its very existence. Of course, they weren’t just fighting for Earth’s freedom, but for the liberation of all of the sentient beings that the Galra Empire had enslaved over the last ten thousand years. Defeating Honerva was all any of them could think about these days.

And here she was, making preparations for her youngest child’s birthday party. Colleen sat down at the table and covered her mouth to stifle a sob. But there was no one around to hear it. Sam and Katie had already departed for the mission briefing. She let the tears flow only when she was alone. Then, in order to face the day, she straightened her uniform and donned the steely facade of the brave officer and loyal crew member that she had to present herself as. She wiped the corners of her eyes and hastily departed for the main conference chamber.

[Pidge’s 18th birthday doesn’t go as planned in this fic. This is an excerpt from chapter 2 of one of the best multi chapter fics that I have ever written. Angst, drama, space battles, sword fights, friendship, loyalty, courage, humor, romance, and an epic conclusion with a satisfying epilogue. What are you waiting for? Go read it! ]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31663769?view_full_work=true

[bearsbeetsbeskar]

Restoring the Roots (Joel Miller x Therapist! reader)

Chapter 4: Action

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 here | Chapter 3

Pairing: Joel Miller x therapist! reader, post outbreak

Rating: M, swearing, descriptions of trauma, descriptions of suicidal ideation, will be changed to explicit in future chapters (slow burn, eventual smut, age gap)

Word Count: 10.5K (buckle up with a snack y'all)

Summary: Life after moving to Jackson looks drastically different for Joel, survival mode is over and now he and Ellie can finally put down new roots. Ellie adapts easily but Joel finds himself struggling to settle into this new life, in more ways than some. At Ellie and Tommy’s insistence, Joel begrudgingly finds himself in therapy to try and work through his struggles but what he encounters is more than just painful memories and deeply rooted trauma.

A/N: It is finally here you guys! Finally! Life has been extremely fucking hectic and heavy lately but I wanted to persist with this story because I truly love it. Again, a heartfelt thank you to every single one of you that likes, reblogs, comments and encourages me with this little WIP. I'm still amazed that anyone at all wants to read my work, so thank you. A MASSIVE hug to my beta @serenaxpedro, for staying up with me, editing and providing feedback to me, and cheering me on as I contemplated how to best tell this story. You are my everything!!! This chapter is LONG, the longest by far lol. I couldn't bring myself to split it up because it didn't suit the flow of the story, so please enjoy our grumpy old man as he starts his first therapy session!

You pulled the collar of your vest up higher on the back of your neck, the brisk breeze sending a chill through you as you stood outside the horse paddock. One leg propped up on the fence as you fed a hose through it into the half empty water trough on the inside of the paddock. Winter in Jackson hadn’t been as rough as you were anticipating, life was a lot different during the harsher seasons when there was enough food to sustain the commune, and everyone had their own house to provide shelter from the elements. Although spring had made its appearance, you still felt winter’s remnants in the early mornings before the temperature warmed up, when there was frost on the ground and your breath fogged up in the air. You were finishing up some chores around the stables in between clients, meandering between the stables and the paddock, tossing a few hay bales over the fence for the horses, sweeping up the aisles. 

Despite the monotony of the everyday tasks, they never failed to bring you comfort amidst the hectic schedule that you maintained. While the office of the practice was cozy and welcoming, you always preferred being at the stables, around the horses. Nothing compared to the sounds of them munching away at their dinner, the sweet smell of their hay, or the sounds of their hoofbeats throughout the paddock. It was undoubtedly your happy place. 

This morning however, was different. It was Thursday morning, and no amount of tasks or chores could quell the growing nervousness you felt at possibly seeing Joel again today. You thought back to your meeting with him, recalling the warmth of his baritone voice, his sharp jawline, broad shoulders and endearing smile. You thought about him more times than you wanted to admit. It made your cheeks burn. His hardened exterior and gruffness were easy enough to spot from miles away, but the small cracks of vulnerability and softness that you saw in your first conversation intrigued you to no end.  It also broke your heart a little. 

His hazelnut eyes looked weary. Empty. Void of warmth for a long period of time. You could only imagine the horrors they had witnessed. You knew better than to fool yourself into thinking that you could fix him. No, you had long let go of that nonsensical notion. Believing you could fix anyone, fix their trauma, fix their nuances, it was a fool’s errand. Especially now, amidst the end of the fucking world as you and everyone else knew it. You knew that it was not your job to fix people, but rather help them. That was really it. You wanted to help Joel. Help him heal. Help him realize he was worthy of help. It was the same goal for all your clients of course, you only wanted to see their happiness, their small wins, their progression, but with Joel… that desire was much stronger. And you had only just met the man. 

Your ruminations were interrupted by a gentle shove and nibble against your arm resting on the fence. You looked up at the black muzzle in your face, chuckling at the inquisitive eyes of one of the herd members, Cole, a young jet black gelding, inspecting you in your dazed state.

“Sorry bud, I don’t have any treats on me right now.” You stroked the velvet skin of his muzzle as he persistently shoved at your hand. His nose peeked through the open gaps in the fence to reach your vest pockets, ears pricked forward. Usually you had treats handy for them every morning but you must have forgotten them in your absent minded state. You made a mental note to grab some sugar cubes from the feedroom in the barn when you were done watering. Suddenly, Cole jerked his head upright out of the fence, spooking and skittering off to the side of the paddock as you looked down to see the water trough spilling over, splashing all over the ground and onto your shoes.

“Shit!” 

You accidentally dropped the hose and clambered after it, the water pressure causing it to slither frantically back and forth across the ground. You managed to grab it near the opening and awkwardly bend the rubber in half, hoping that the kink would give you a split second to run back to the stables to turn off the tap. It did, but not first without spraying frigid water up against your neck and chest. 

“Fucking hell.” You gritted, as you jogged over to the stables and screwed the tap shut, still gripping the rubber bend tightly. You looked down at your shirt in dismay. The gray long sleeve was now drenched over your chest, the collar of your vest offering practically no protection as you felt the cold chill start to seep through your skin. 

‘Fuck. I could always call Tracey to bring me a spare shirt.’ You contemplated as you began to shiver. Just as you glance down at your watch to see if you had time to change, you hear your name being called softly from behind you. 

That warm, slightly raspy, deep baritone voice. 

Shit. Your breath hitched as you froze to the spot. 

You were anticipating him being late at least, if he actually did show. But currently, you are  cursing his punctuality and whatever powers that be for putting you in this scenario today of all days.

“Hey Joel!” You squeaked slightly as you turned around. Feeling another wave of shivers wash over your body, you dropped the hose and wiped your wet hands down the front of your jeans while walking over to him.

“You’re early,” you chuckled awkwardly as you tried to pull the sides of your vest closer together across your chest. Of course the vest you chose to wear this morning had a broken zipper. Of course.  

“Didn’t wanna make a bad impression for the first … y’know session. Plus, it’s pretty tough to get lost around here,” he replied with a nervous tight lipped smile.  It’s like you’re drinking in his appearance for the first time all over again, as if you forgot how fucking attractive he was in the days that passed after your initial meeting. Another shiver visibly runs through you as you try to squash down those lingering thoughts, now very aware of your soaked shirt against your chest and abdomen. Joel clocks your shivering as he steps a bit closer.

“Everything okay?” he asks, raising his eyebrows. You do a shitty job of hiding your discomfort but his gaze instantly drops down to your exposed chest, taking in the damp fabric clinging to your chest, a few droplets of water still running down your neck into your cleavage. He swallows slowly and averts his eyes.

You might as well be rusting from the inside because your voice continues to come out at a squeaky pitch.

“Yeah! Just my daily struggle with the hose while I was watering these guys. I am a sore loser this time around.” You chide yourself as you continue to pull at your open vest, only drawing more attention to your chest.

“You uh, do you want me to come back in a bit? If you wanna get changed into something else,” he clears his throat and tries to look anywhere else but your chest.

On any other day you normally wouldn’t care. If it was any other client you normally wouldn't care, and would deal with it later. But something about the way you catch his eyes briefly raking over your damp skin has your heart pounding in your chest. It also hit you at that moment that your nipples were probably visible through your shirt since bras were now obsolete and you weren’t wearing anything else underneath. 

Yeah. A change of clothes was definitely happening. 

“Uhm, I think I might go see if there’s anything in the barn here,” you jerked your head in the direction of the stable doors, “but you don’t have to leave. Just gimme a couple minutes and I’ll be back.”

“Sure no problem, take your time,” he replied. You gave him a small smile and ducked your head as you scurried away into the barn. Luckily, with how often you’re at the barn you do have spare clothes hung up in the tackroom for when you go riding. Flitting through the jackets and other dusty clothing on the hooks behind the door, you find a black pullover with a ¾ zip and a high collar. It’s thin and probably one size too small since you joined the commune and put on weight, but it’ll have to do the job. You peel the wet shirt off with a grimace and throw the pullover on, not before grabbing a handful of sugar cubes out of the jar on the tack shelf and shoving them into your back pocket. By the time you get back out to the paddock, Joel is leaning up against the fence, petting the horses.

----------------------------

By the time Thursday rolls around Joel’s nerves are shot to say the least. His fear, anxiety, and anticipation at seeing you again swirl together in a cocktail of restless energy. He tries to throw himself into odd jobs around the house, fixing the bannister on the porch, messing with the plumbing in the kitchen. Ellie of course clocks his silent tornadoeing through projects. She knew that when Joel was trying to put his mind off something, he would bury it under any and every excuse for work, any excuse   for providing, that he could. 

By the time she comes downstairs to leave for school Joel’s already in the kitchen, pouring his second cup of coffee. She wrinkles her nose and makes a beeline for the fridge, pulling out the box of eggo’s, popping two in the toaster beside him. 

“Ugh. That stuff still smells like shit, a year later. There’s no way it’s good for you,” she quips. She waits a beat and gives him a pointed look, waiting for him to start slurping it out of his mug at childish volume, like he always does. Except he doesn’t. He’s staring off into space as takes a sip, drumming his fingers on the counter. The bottom of his t-shirt is wet and his fingers have some kind of grease on them, and then she notices the open cabinet under the sink, tools strewn about across the floor. 

“What did you do to the sink now?” Ellie sighed and leaned against the counter beside Joel. He still doesn’t respond in his daze, his brows furrowed in concentration

 “Joel. Joelllllll.” She waved her hand in front of his face as he shook out of his trance. He grunted at her and frowned as she gestured to the mess on the floor.

“It was just a valve that needed tightening. Besides, what are you doing up this early?” 

“Uh it’s 9:03? I’m late for school??,” she raised an eyebrow at him, grabbing the eggo’s and sitting down at the table, shoving one into her mouth. “Did you also start taking apart the bannister upstairs? And the bedroom doors off the hinges?”

He grunted at her and as he proceeded to put the sugar jar in the fridge, and then the milk in the cabinet with the seasoning jars. 

“Okay dude what’s going on?” She looked at him with a bizarre expression. “I know I normally have to remind your senile ass of where stuff is around the house and what’s happening on certain days but you never start jobs around the house and not finish them. This is a whole other level of scatter brainedness”

“Nothin’s going on, I’m just trying to get this stuff done that I’ve been meaning to tackle for the last couple months. Figured I would get it done this morning, wait- you said it was 9:03? Shit.” He gulps down the rest of his coffee and dunks his mug in the sink, his right hand ghosting over his left wrist. To this day that damn watch doesn’t work, but he feels the lack of its weight around his wrist. 

He goes to move out of the kitchen but Ellie jumps up and blocks his path. Joel gives her an exasperated look and clenches his fists at his side.

“Ellie,” he half-heartedly warns her.

She raises an eyebrow at him and waits, a knowing expression plastered across her face as she takes another bite of her eggo. It’s the same expression she has when she teases him about being a fossil, the same expression when she tells him an insufferable pun from that joke book he pretends to despise, but secretly loves. 

Damn this kid for calling his bluff. 

“For crying out loud, alright. Alright. I went to see the therapist in town the other day. The one Tommy was talking about. We talked and I’m supposed to meet her at the stables this morning. Happy?!” He sighs and shifts his weight, putting his hands on his hips and looking up at the ceiling.

Her jaw drops and her eyes widen. “Holy shit, seriously?! Joel, that's awesome! I knew that was some pretty fucking amazing advice I gave you” she playfully shoves him with a shit eating grin. “Can I come with you please?! I wanna see the new foal again,” she pleads.

“Absolutely not, you’re already late for school, now go on.”

She rolls her eyes at him and shoves the rest of her eggo in her mouth, grabbing her backpack as she heads out the front door. 

----------------------------

When Joel arrives at the stables you’re distracted, which he’s somewhat grateful for. Cursing yourself with your back to him as he approaches the paddock. When you turn around and he clocks the soaked front of your shirt his throat goes dry. Your panicked expression, wide eyes, only fueling his dormant hunger as he watches droplets of water roll down the swell of your cleavage with each heavy rise and fall of your chest. He blinks a couple times and forces his gaze elsewhere, anywhere else.

Christ.

Could you make it any more difficult for him to maintain his morality? He’s somewhat grateful that he’s still wearing his bulky winter jacket that barely covers his crotch, as he feels his blood starting to rush south. 

Agreeing to this whole therapy idea was insane to begin with. 

Of course Joel was skeptical. Aside from the fact that he was not on the run anymore with Ellie, and no longer in danger, he didn’t see the merits of talking to someone about his problems, and shit that had happened in the past. It was in the past and it no longer affected him, therefore how could it really fix or address anything that was no longer a problem? Sure the consultation, or ‘meet and greet’ as you had affectionately referred it to, went well enough and Joel could feel the slightest softness melding away from his hardened exterior, but you were as much a stranger as the next person. He didn’t know you at all, and despite the warmth and amiability you exuded, and the comfort that washed over his system after your conversation, he was still hesitant as hell. 

Naturally, he tried to hide it, but that was pointless when Ellie instantly recognized his nerves getting the better of him that morning. He had held your conversation in the back of his mind as he ricocheted between tasks throughout the house over the next couple days leading up to Thursday. She was right as always though, the little devil. He saw things through till the end, and he knew all too well that he was starting to slip once he abandoned working on one project to start another. Good contractors don’t do that, and he prided himself on being a good contractor. One whom clients could rely on to not just get the job done, but get the job done well. He probably could have stayed in the house and continued his disastrous endeavors to fix shit that probably did not need fixing, but he surmised it was pointless once Ellie left for school. 

And so here he is, trying to get a grip on reality as he marvels at your appearance for the second time since your meeting. Not wanting to make things any more awkward, he walks over to the paddock where some of the horses are gathered as you change your clothes in the barn. 

Hearing your soft footsteps as you return, he looks over to see you in a tight, black pullover, that hugs you in all the right places, the zipper straining against your chest. You’re wearing dark wash jeans again that mold to the swell of your hips and your ass, and you’re sporting a baseball cap this time, your hair pulled into a ponytail. Joel’s mouth waters slightly as you approach him with that same warm smile. He itches to reach out and pull your body flush to his. You could be wearing a fucking potato sack for all he cares and you would still look cruelly appetizing he realizes. Before he can gawk any longer, he feels something tug at his sleeve, hard enough to jolt him out of his thoughts, and the tickle of whiskers and soft velvet brushing against his hand. He turns back to the fence to see a smaller black horse fussing with his coat. 

“Ahhh I see you have been targeted as the next culprit for treats,” you observe as you come to stand beside Joel at the fence. He huffs out a small chuckle as he pets the colt’s muzzle while avoiding getting nipped. 

“This is Cole, our resident mooch. He will do anything and everything for treats and he has a habit of forgetting his manners when he is around new people, isn’t that right?” You say in a playful stern tone as you look at Cole. 

“Are they usually so food driven?” Joel asks you as he watches the young gelding, who moved on from his sleeve to now start chewing at biting at the fence. He recalls when he goes out on patrol with Callum that the chestnut horse never seemed to fuss him with treats or food seeking behavior. He wouldn’t hesitate to stop and graze on the grassy plains when they are on their way home from patrol but he also listens to commands without needing motivation.

“Not always,” you respond, “horses are prey animals so they very much rely on their instincts, they will never turn down food if you offer it to them, but some are more food driven than others. You nod your chin towards Cole, “Cole here is one of our younger herd members, he’s only six, very much still a kid, so he just wants to play, eat and be mischievous overall. Isn’t that right monkey?” You smile and shake your head while booping the horse's snout, scratching the side of his face. Joel observes you intently and again gets lost in a trance as he views your affection for the horses shine through. The love you have for them is clear as day, and again he feels himself soften, as his respect and admiration for you increases.

“It’s his lucky day though,” you say as he watches you reach into your back pocket, pulling out a handful of sugar cubes. “Here,” you take a little more than half and reach out to Joel, dropping them into his palm. He feels the warmth of your skin as your fingers brush against his, your small hand barely containing a handful of sugar cubes, dwarfed by his much larger hands. You’re so much smaller than him, he thinks again as you look up at him brightly. 

Joel obliges as Cole already has half his face through the open fence, lips opening and closing as he reaches for the cubes in his hand. He greedily nibbles them up in less than 5 seconds, his soft muzzle and whiskers tickling Joel’s palm, as he continues to push at his hand, waiting for more cubes to magically appear. Joel chuckles warmly, “Sorry bud, that’s all I have for now,” brushing off his hands on his coat.

“Is Cole used in the therapy sessions?” He asks as he watches Cole walk away towards the other horses in the paddock, now disinterested with the lack of food. 

You chew your lip and squint your eyes slightly, “Not at the moment, he’s a bit too young to be incorporated into the therapy process. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, all horses bring a useful energy and perspective to the therapy, at the end of the day they are animals that will revert back to their base prey instincts, like spooking, defending themselves and looking for food to survive. But sometimes in order for the therapy to be effective, to complete certain exercises or observe patterns between the clients and horses, they need to have a certain level of commitment, trust and engagement with us. Cole would rather play and eat, and he loses concentration very quickly due to how young he is, it takes much longer to get him engaged and focussed so that the client can benefit from working with him. He’s a big suck though so it’s hard to stay cross with him.” 

You flash Joel a warm smile again, and by God if his heart doesn’t stutter every time you look at him like that. You look at him with hope, adoration, and a mutual understanding, almost as if you’ve known him for longer, in the life you both lived before this dystopia. He’s already nervous around you but it’s borderline uncomfortable, the faith with which you look at him, when you don’t really know him at all. He doesn’t deserve it. Doesn’t deserve your warmth. He’s sure if you knew half of the atrocities he has committed, you wouldn’t look twice in his direction. He’s also sure there are other people in Jackson with questionable morals who did things to survive, to make it from one day to the next, but Joel’s past rivals the shit he has seen in horror movies. Yet somehow worse than that. Horror movies that he would never let Sarah watch, even when she turned 15. How could someone who seems so pure, so hopeful, with such good intentions want to help those with blotted, mangled pasts? 

“If you don’t mind me askin’ how did you get into this therapy stuff?” He questions as he turns to face you, putting his hands in his coat pockets and leaning against the fence. 

You nod, smile at him again, “It’s totally okay. Everyone has an origin story, right?” You inhale softly and lean against the fence, mirroring his body language and looking out into the paddock. 

“I had just finished up grad school for social work when the world went to shit, but I didn’t have that many hours of practice under my belt, save for what I had done in internships and field placements. I did my undergrad in psychology which was good, but I yearned for more than just understanding the brain and our behavior, why we act and function the way we do, and so on.  Not to mention I was the friend in my friend group who people always came to with their problems, seeking advice and stuff.” You chuckled half heartedly.

“On a more serious note, before my last year of my grad school program, a cousin who I was very close to, took his own life. It ripped my family to shreds. No one saw it coming. The crazy thing is,” you pause and swallow, looking at Joel, “he was the happiest fucking person I knew.”

He watches you fiddle with the loose threads on the inside of your jean pocket and shift your feet, grinding the toe of your boot into the dirt. It’s unsettling to see your composure unravel bit by bit. It’s only the second time you are both meeting but as he watches you bite your lip, struggling to find the words, he feels the urge to comfort you. Reach out and touch your shoulder, grab one of your hands and squeeze it tight. Anything to help restore that confident demeanor, that warm smile to your gorgeous face.

“He lived such an ambitious life. He taught English to children in Korea, lived in the mountains of Colorado, rock climbing, and riding motorcycles.  He gave the best bear hugs, and was always trying to make others smile. He had the biggest heart… and yet he was suffering the deepest level of pain that no one could comprehend. Too much for him to comprehend.” You trail off and Joel can see your eyes start to get misty. 

You clear your throat and smile. “So many of us are suffering in silence and no one has any idea. I believe we all have an innate inner strength that can help pull us out of our anguished mental state, but sometimes we need someone, something, an outside perspective- whatever it might be, to show us that we can move forward and face our life’s challenges. I wanted to be that person to support others, and help them figure out how they can use their strength to get through it. 

You look out wistfully towards the horses and then back at Joel. “Maybe if my cousin had someone like that he would still be here. Truthfully, there are no words to describe how gratifying it is to see people cross those mental obstacles, gain more confidence in themselves, heal from their trauma and grow overall. It’s just very rewarding.” 

You huff out an exhale. “That was a long winded explanation, probably too long but that’s how I got into providing therapy,” you finish, pensively meeting his gaze.  

Joel’s brow is furrowed, his head tilted slightly as he remains captivated by your words. His eyes soften as he takes in your expression. There’s a hint of melancholy in your voice as your expressive eyes fail to hide the pain behind them.  There’s that feeling again, he notices. A softness. The embers of warmth emitting from his core as he sits with your pain. Hardness softening, yielding into empathy. You had suffered loss too, a suffering similar to what he had gone through. 

Before he realizes it, brief memories are flitting across his mind. Flash frames like a broken projector. Bloodied hands pressing against her wound, her agonizing cries, cradling her body in his arms. Dragging Ellie out of the capitol building, just in time before it combusted into flames and debris. Tess’s words echoing in his mind

Save who you can save.

His spine stiffens as he clenches his fists in his pockets. His feels his mouth going dry and the blood rushing in his ears. 

“Joel?” You’re looking at him with concern. “You still with me?”

He blinks a couple times and swallows, nodding. “Yeah, yeah I am. And I’m sorry for your loss. I, I appreciate you sharin’ that with me. Really”

“It was a long time ago but … thank you. And I know it’s easier to feel comfortable talking to someone about vulnerable things when they themselves are able to be vulnerable with you as well. It goes both ways.” You tell him earnestly.

Despite your reassurance, Joel’s mind is still reeling. He does a shitty job of hiding his dissociation, as you check in with him again. 

“Hey.” You duck your head slightly to catch his gaze again, his eyes flit nervously to yours.

 “You don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to, Joel. Just because we had the consultation and you’re here, you don’t have to do this if you don’t feel like it’s for you. You can still back out if you want. It’s fully within your control. Do you still want to do this?”

Within his control. 

He plays those words over and over again in his mind. When was the last time anything was ever really in his control? Hell, he doesn’t even know what that word means anymore. Survival meant making choices, choices to ensure that you would be safe. That you would live to see another day. But choices did not mean you were in control. They oftentimes meant choosing the less shittier option to make the best of the situation. Choices sometimes meant being self-serving and using others as a means to survive, hurting others on purpose. He wasn’t in control when Tess died. Or when Sam and Henry died. Or when Ellie was taken from him. 

Does he want this? 

Every time he thought he was in control, he failed. Failed to protect, failed to provide, failed to prove himself. He didn’t want to invite those fucking feelings in again, but he also knew Tommy and Ellie were right. He couldn’t continue on this way if he wanted to have any semblance of a future in Jackson. Any semblance of a life. A life where he could live, not just to endure and survive.

Joel looks over at the horses, biting the inside of his cheek. They’re huddling contently under one of the shelters, a few laying down and a few grazing on the outskirts of the paddock. The breeze flowing through their mane’s and tails. And then he looks back at you. Into the depths of your bright, understanding eyes and your warm smile. 

“Let’s do it,” he says with a small smile.

—----------------------------------

Aside from the hazardous mishap with the hose this morning, and all other things considered, the morning seems to be going by smoothly. Not only did Joel actually show up, but he seemed to be doing a better job of calming your nerves, rather than you reassuring him. You don’t normally share your story about your cousin, you do explain to clients what got you into therapy as a way to be more relatable. A way to begin to carefully craft the therapeutic relationship between therapist and client. 

But with Joel, you wanted to share your pain with him. You knew he had suffered, regardless of the rumors and stories milling about in the community. You knew he was holding onto trauma, in his mind and body. It was evident when you saw him begin to dissociate. You were relieved to see however, that the more you shared, and the more you chatted, the more relaxed he became. He wasn’t avoiding your eyeline, looking everywhere else but you, and he wasn’t stumbling over his words. His body language was actually open, you observed, as he directly faced you with his hands in his pockets, nodding along as you spoke, focusing on your eyes. 

Your heart felt just about ready to soar out of your chest, as you tried not to smile too hard when he reaffirmed his consent for the therapy. They were all baby steps. Incremental, but significant to the process and you were thrilled. Almost still skeptical that he came this far. 

You explain a few more housekeeping things before stepping into the paddock with him. Details like confidentiality, and basic horse safety, but since he was already comfortable riding on patrol, it was pretty straightforward. 

Joel visibly perks up when you enter the paddock as he takes in the herd and the mountains in the background. The horses too are bemused by your presence, as they look in your direction, observing the both of you.

“So what happens first?” he asks, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Do I just pick one?” 

 Callum instantly catches his eye as he scans the herd. The chesnut gelding is hard to miss, aside from his unmistakable white blaze running down his face, he’s also one of the taller horses.

You notice Joel’s recognition of Callum and chuckle, just as Callum looks over to you both and begins walking in your direction. “That would be far too easy, seeing as it appears that you already have a friend in the herd.”

The large gelding nickers quietly and steps closer as Joel reaches out to him. “Hey there bud, how’s it going?” He speaks softly, patting the side of Callum’s neck as he leans his face in closer to Callum’s, running his hand down his blaze. “You behaving since our last ride?” Joel grins as he looks from the horse’s large deep set eyes to you.

“Callum’s been my patrol partner for a few shifts now. He’s a good one. Smart as a whip and he gets the job done.” Joel continues to pet him with a smile of adoration on his face.

Fuck.

If you thought you were prepared to see Joel interact with the horses, you were sorely mistaken, you now realize. His interactions with Callum are precious and you’re endeared by how his demeanor softens around the large gelding. You almost wish you could let him do the session with Callum but their pre-existing relationship would make it less effective, and you tell him as much.

“It looks like you have a great bond with Callum already, I can see that in how he came over to you. He’s quite relaxed” You nod towards Callum as he lowers his head and softly chews his lips.

“It’s great to see,” you reassure him, “but I’m curious to see you interact with someone you don’t already know. Callum is actually the herd leader. He’s always looking out for the others, maintaining the hierarchy, and protecting the others when threats arise. It’s interesting you get along with him well.” You hum noncommittally as you point out the parallel and take a step back to observe him and Joel. 

Joel raises his eyebrows, his eyes soft. “Really? I didn’t know that. I just figured he was one of the older horses here, so maybe he had more experience than the others?” He furrows his brows and looks back at Callum.  

“He is older than some of the others here but he doesn’t have that much experience with being on patrol, surprisingly. He’s only been used in the past year or so, but it seems he has the right demeanor for it.” You continue with a knowing look, “it’s possible that you have a strong bond with him because of those traits. Being a leader and protecting others.”

At that statement, Joel's eyes flit to yours. Something akin to recognition flashes across his eyes. Recognition mixed with a guarded fear. 

“That’s a good thing,” you quickly point out, “but to experience the effectiveness of equine therapy, any kind of therapy really, you have to get out of your comfort zone. And Callum is part of that comfort zone right now. Why don’t we let him go and see the rest of the herd?”

Joel nods and gives Callum one final pat, “I’ll see you later bud.”

You gesture for him to walk further with you into the center of the paddock. Most of the horses are standing around the round hay bale in the middle. A few walk over, and continue past you both, glancing your way.

“Now, most of these guys know me cause I feed them almost everyday, so I’m going to step off to the side, and let you be with them. We’ll see who approaches and chooses you,” you conclude with a wink. 

Walking a few steps away from Joel, you clasp your hands behind your back, slightly amused at how lost he looks. His broad figured presence is powerful amongst the majestic animals, but his uncertainty and lack of confidence gives away his control. He walks further into their space and the herd parts like the Red Sea, most of the horses walking around and past him. Not even Cole approaches with the promise of more sugar cubes. Joel turns back to look at you, waiting for your cues and shrugs. You bite your lip to keep your smile from stretching across your face and gesture for him to keep going. Giving you a skeptical look, he proceeds further till all but one horse remains in his path. 

He slows to a complete halt, as he sees a smaller mare standing just ahead of him. She’s a pinto, with white and brown patches all over her body. She’s small height wise, at least a foot shorter than Callum, but certainly not small width wise, as he observes her wide belly protruding out from her sides. She stands facing Joel head on, with both front legs planted squarely, tail swishing erratically at the flies around her. She looks slightly to the side and Joel notices her right eye is blue. Almost human-like and a tad sinister, when viewed from the side. He also notices that she has a good chunk missing out of her right ear, the same side with the blue eye. 

She continues to face him, an unimpressed expression on her long face.

“It looks like Gracie wants to stick around,” you call out to him.

Gracie, huh?

Joel appraises the mare and decides to take one small step towards her. Gracie lifts her head slightly, her ears swiveling back and forth, as she shifts her weight from one back foot to another. 

He continues to take another step forward, bigger this time, placing him within a few feet of the mare. She instantly pins her ears to the back of her head, and snorts, as she walks away, her blue eye fixed on Joel. She doesn’t walk far, save for a few steps, but Joel turns back to you and says, “I don’t think so. She doesn’t seem that impressed with me.”

You bite your lip hard, trying not to give him a patronizing smile. But you can’t help it upon seeing his cute puzzled expression. Trying to exercise your poker face, you reassure him. “She doesn’t know you. To her, you are a stranger, as she is to you. What would be your natural reaction to a stranger approaching you?”

Joel frowns slightly as he contemplates your words, before he turns back to the disinterested mare. He grinds his lower jaw, the fingers on his right hand twitching as he appraises Gracie. “I would be guarded too I suppose.”

You encourage him a bit more. “Maybe try a different method to approach her. She might be more receptive if you can show her you’re not a threat.”

This time Joel walks around to Gracie’s far side, taking a few trepid steps towards her neck, and slowly reaching his hand out, palm facing up. She turns her head slightly towards him, her left ear swiveling in his direction. She stretches her neck out the slightest bit. He waits a beat, then continues to approach her slowly. You hear him coaxing her, “Easy there girl. I’m just coming over to say hello.” 

He continues to talk to her softly as he approaches her side. Amazingly, Gracie lowers her head to his outstretched palm, sniffing and tickling his hand with her whiskered muzzle.  A swell of pride surges up within you as you watch Joel murmur to the small mare, gently stroking her neck. “There you go. Nothing to be afraid of huh?” 

He looks at you with a tentative smile as you walk over to them. “Joel, that was amazing!” You praise him excitedly. “What were you thinking the second time around as you went up to her?”

“Uhm. I don’t know if I’m honest,” he looks contemplatively at Gracie, focusing on her brown one eye. “I guess I figured if she sniffed me, or heard my voice or somethin’, she’d feel more comfortable with me.” 

You nod eagerly as he explains his thought process to you. Naturally, you didn’t expect Joel to open up right away given that it was his first session. Hell, you didn’t expect him to show up at all. The fact that he was here, engaging with you and Gracie, was significant in and of itself. He was still learning to trust you, trust Gracie, and trust the process of therapy in general. Being mindful of this, you refrained from asking him too many questions, or probing his inner reflections. You were just as much concerned about spooking him as you were when interacting with the horses. 

“You did all the right things,” you reassure him. “Horses are always assessing their environment for threats, so when we speak to them as we approach them, and allow them to see us in their eyesight, they can more easily perceive us as safe.” 

“Not to mention, you also switched sides when you approached her,” you point out to him. 

He replies, “Yeah. Her other side. The side with the blue eye, seems more… I don't know. She seems more nervous with that side.”

You smile and hum as you reach out to brush the hairs from Gracie’s forelock out from her eyes. Sensing the question on Joel’s lips before he asks it, you explain to him. “It’s hard to miss, her ear on her right side. Unfortunately, Gracie was in a horrible accident almost a year ago. The farm she came from, they had a barn fire, and not all of the horses made it out.” 

You pause and sigh. “Sadly, her foal was one of them. She ran back into the barn after being evacuated to try and rescue her little one but it was too late. Her head collar got stuck on an exposed beam in the barn aisle way and it ripped a chunk out of her ear when she tried to escape.” 

Joel’s mouth gapes open, his brows drawn together as he slowly stops petting her neck. “Jesus Christ.” He looks at you and back at Gracie in disbelief with his big brown eyes.

He swallows and waits a beat, before he pensively asks, “she lost her baby?” 

Although he doesn’t say it as a question, more so as a statement to himself. A confirmation. 

You grimace slightly. “Yeah. The foal was only about a month old, poor thing. When Gracie arrived here she wasn’t interested in anything. We had given up hope that she would even want to eat or go out in the paddock with the other horses. At one point she just resigned herself to the corner of her stall in the barn, and would attack anyone who came near her stall door. It took a while for her to get acclimatized to Jackson, and even longer for her to build trust with us.”

Joel’s brows are furrowed as he looks at Gracie, a serious expression plastered across his face. To anyone else it might seem like he was mad or grumpy. But you notice how his focus zeroes in on her. There’s intention behind his gaze, something you can’t quite put your finger on. He grunts in acknowledgement but doesn’t say anything. 

Interesting. You make a mental note of his response for later.

“Well, it looks like your partner has picked you, Joel. Why don’t we go into the round pen with Gracie and do some more one-on-one work with her?”

You clip a lead rope to Gracie’s halter, and hand it to Joel, trusting him to walk her out of the paddock into the adjacent round pen. 

Following them into the pen, you close the gate behind you and clap your hands together. “Alright, now that you have your partner, let’s try a small exercise shall we?” 

You walk up to Joel and unclip the lead rope from Gracie’s halter, taking the lead rope from him. Your fingers brush against his and you can’t help but relish in the warmth of his hands during the brief touch. They may be calloused but his fingers are soft, thick and long, you don’t miss the veins running through the backs of his hands either. You feel the heat running through your body as you imagine his fingers elsewhere before snapping back to reality.

Nope. Stop it. Concentrate.

You clear your throat and quickly take a few steps back, nearly tripping over yourself in the process. Upon realizing she wasn’t tethered to Joel anymore, Gracie walks away from him, flanking the perimeter of the pen. 

“Okay, this exercise is about communication, nonverbal communication to be specific, and trust,” you explain to Joel. “Let’s see if you can get Gracie to follow you around the pen, without holding onto her headcollar, or leading her with the lead rope.”

Joel raises an eyebrow at you with skepticism, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I know, I know, it sounds impossible” you raise your hands at him, trying to appease him. “But sometimes we have to use other methods of communication when we don’t always have the usual tools or resources available to us. This will build trust and strengthen your relationship with her.” You give him an encouraging smile and fold your hands behind your back, still holding the lead rope. 

Joel turns to observe Gracie as she lazily grazes on the grass in the center of the pen. You can see that he is lost, his body language hesitant again as he is unsure of what to do. 

“I doubt I’ll be able to,” he calls over his shoulder, “she seems to have a stronger relationship with the grass at the moment.”

You don’t succeed in stifling the snort that escapes your nose, as you look down at the ground and shake your head. Despite what Joel presented as, namely, a hulking, intimidating, capable man, his self doubt penetrated the cracks of his facade, beyond the depths of his core.

Many clients encountered resistance or setbacks in their first couple interactions with the horses. But Joel was alarmingly quick to discount his abilities, submitting himself to self-deprecation. It made your heart ache for him. He was experienced in his horse handling skills, far more experienced than many other people in the settlement, and yet his confidence faltered quickly.  

This man, who had likely been through hell and back in his previous life, who contributed to the community, who exuded warmth despite his brokenness, deserved to feel confident. He deserved to believe in himself. You wanted to grab him by his massive shoulders and shake him like a ragdoll. Remind him of his capabilities, remind him of his worth.

“Remember what you thought about when you approached Gracie in the paddock?” You remind him carefully. “It’s the same idea here. She’s only just met you. You have to give her a reason to trust you and follow your lead. Start there first and everything else will fall into place.”

----------------------------

Joel had to admit, you were right. This didn’t feel like therapy at all really. It felt like he was just spending quality time with the horses and getting to know them. He’s surprised to realize he hasn’t stopped to think about the disaster of unfinished projects he left at the house, or Ellie at school, or when his next patrol shift is. Your presence is unreasonably calming as you explain the exercise to him, encourage him with the horses, and give him space and patience to just be. 

Sometimes it’s a bit too much space though. He chides himself internally at the longing he feels when your hands brush against his as you grab the lead rope from him, or when you take a few steps away from him to observe. It’s unnerving Joel realizes. That he is already starting to crave your presence near him, your reassurance and encouragement. It’s when you go silent and let him take control, or make a decision, that he starts to feel uncomfortable. Like a fish out of water, he feels out of touch with exercising any kind of authority. But he also doesn’t know how to handle his interactions with Gracie without your guidance. 

He also was not prepared to work with a horse that he didn’t know. The tiny mare seemed irritable by his presence at first. From what Joel knew about horses, and his time going out on patrol with Callum, they needed a strong leader. Someone to lead, and make decisions on behalf of everyone else, for the safety of the herd. Naturally, he approached Gracie with the same gusto but she didn’t take too kindly to that strategy. 

He observes the mare as she grazes on the grass on the perimeter of the pen, your words echoing in his mind.

Give her a reason to trust you.

When you explained Gracie’s past to Joel, he was shocked. He wondered if she might have been abused, judging by her right ear, and her overall behavior, but nothing could have prepared him for the real horrors of her past. Barely escaping with her life and losing her foal. 

He clenches his teeth together and flexes his jaw, feeling his blood run cold. Anxiety washes over his body as he thinks about her loss. Her suffering.  

Why in her right mind would she trust anyone? Why should she give her trust to anyone? 

He gets lost in the rabbit hole of grief as it consumes him. His composure begins to unravel. You must notice this as you call out to him.

“Joel? Everything okay?”

He turns his head slightly to the side, acknowledging you with a nod but not fully turning around. With his jaw set, he walks over to Gracie with heavier footsteps and his shoulders raised. The heel of his boots driving into the ground as he strides up to her. 

Before he can even get halfway to her, the mare jerks her head up from the ground and abruptly trots in the opposite direction, away from him with her ears pinned against her head. His chest heaves with a huff as he exhales and looks back to you. But again, you don’t give him any clues, throw him any freebies, or give him any direction. 

“Try again,” you say to him softly. A neutral expression plastered across your features.

That’s another thing. Joel is irritated that can’t get a read on you when he looks at you expectantly, clueless as to what to do next. Your sporadic tidbits of guidance or feedback are not always given freely. He needs to know what he is doing wrong, or what he is doing right. That is, if he is doing anything right at all. Your neutrality is unnerving and it only builds his frustration. 

All of a sudden that control he was too hesitant to take hold of, looms over him like a giant storm cloud swallowing up the Texan sun. Out of his reach, yet all consuming at the same damn time. 

Nope, he doesn’t like it one bit. 

He tries a few more times to approach Gracie with no avail, as the pinto mare continues to retreat from his proximity, remaining on the outskirts of the pen. Joel grinds his jaw and puts his hands on his hips, his gaze narrowing at Gracie. 

“It’s no fuckin use, she’s made up her mind about me,” he grumbles as he turns to walk back over to you. His heavy footsteps scuffing up the dirt as he drags his feet. 

“How can you be so sure? You got her to let her guard down moments ago.” You raise an eyebrow at him playfully with a knowing look. He grunts in response and frowns at you. 

“That was a misnomer, beginner’s luck,” he mutters, looking at the ground. He crosses his arms, dejection rolling off of him in waves.

“Can you tell me what you were thinking when you approached her?” Your warm attentive eyes search throughout his face, patiently waiting for his answer. 

Joel looks over to the temperamental mare, who’s now stopped grazing, standing off to the far side, with her eyes slightly closed. He purses his lips and closes his eyes. As they remain closed, images of Sarah’s sweet smile, expressive eyes and mop of curls cloud his mind. He can still hear her giggle when she would crack a joke at him about being old. He can still feel her small body curled into his, when she would pass out on him in the middle of movie night. Joel inhales sharply and slowly opens his eyes.

“I was thinkin’ about how she lost her foal…thinkin’ about what she went through with the fire… I don’t know, I felt angry that’s all.” He states plainly in a gruff tone. 

He bites the inside of his cheek as his gaze meets yours. He waits for you to recoil from his bluntness, retreat from his hard demeanor. Only, you don’t.

Instead, you give him a soft smile and nod. “There’s no right or wrong answer Joel, remember? You’re empathizing with her. Empathy is a good thing, but sometimes when we empathize too much with the pain that others are experiencing, it impacts our ability to communicate with them. We got lost in their pain, their frustration, their anger. All of the heavy emotions.”

He tilts his head to the side as he takes in your words, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Gracie is picking up on the energy you’re putting down,” you calmly explain to him. “Remember, horses are prey animals, so by default they are highly attuned to their environment, and the emotional state of others around them. It’s how they survive. She interpreted your anger and frustration as a threat to her safety.”

That does make sense, the more that he thinks about it. 

He should know better, he tells himself. He’s been out on patrol enough times to know that the instincts which the horses possessed were extremely valuable when it came to tracking down infected, or raiders that encroached on the settlement territory. He recalls a particular patrol shift where Callum was uncharacteristically distracted for the better part of their evening, persistently pulling Joel in towards the forested area that flanked the south of the commune borders. Joel eventually gave into the gelding’s frantic energy as he snorted and trotted further into the forest clearing to see a lone clicker weaving in and out of the trees. He swiftly aimed his sniper rifle at the infected, his gaze narrowing through the scope, as he pulled the trigger, the body dropping to the ground with a single shot. He never questioned the gelding's intuitive behavior after that moment.

Suddenly, Joel feels very embarrassed for being so thoughtless and brazen in the first place.  Couldn’t you tell him these things beforehand so that he doesn’t end up making a fool of himself? 

“It’d be a whole lot easier if you could tell me these things darlin’, so I know what to expect,” he says with a slight smirk, folding his arms across his chest. 

Your expression falters for a second as your eyes flit across his arms, and he sees you blush slightly. You regain your composure quickly and mirror his body language, crossing your arms over your chest and popping your right hip out.

“Again, that would be way too easy. Where’s the fun in that?” You tip your chin up at him and smile, almost as if you were challenging him.

“Besides, this isn’t about getting it right the first time! It’s your first session. You’re still learning about Gracie, as she is learning about you. Don’t be so hard on yourself Joel. You’re doing a good job, really.” You reach out, placing your palm on his arm, a hopeful smile on your beautiful face. 

His breath hitches as he feels the heat emanating from your small hand on his bicep. Despite the thickness of his bulky winter coat, your touch bleeds through his clothing, sending warmth throughout his body, an electric current running through his veins. He feels his pulse start to pick up just as you quickly drop your hand and take a step back from him, looking down at the ground. 

Joel inhales sharply. 

It’s devious really, how much he enjoys seeing you affected by his presence, his touch. You look sinful when you’re flustered, peering up at him with those doe eyes. His fingers dig deeper into his biceps as he tries to ground himself, pushing down lingering thoughts of the image of you looking up at him from your knees.

“Uhm, okay,” you stammer, trying to regain that effortless composure, “let’s try it again, but this time I want you to be mindful of your energy. Think about your body language, and your breathing as you approach her.”

You take a few more steps back and away from Joel and he nods, turning to Gracie’s direction. He’s amused to find her pointedly standing with her bum facing him, her head peeking over the fence of the pen.

Yeah he probably deserved that.

Okay. Body language and breath, he reminds himself. 

Steeling himself, Joel walks over to the mare, his steps laced with apprehension as he approaches her left side. Her ears swivel backwards in his direction and she raises her head. Joel pauses, waiting a beat to gauge her reaction, then continues his slow strides until he’s less than 3 feet from her. He repeats his actions from before, reaching his left hand out with his palm facing up. 

“Hey Gracie girl,” Joel says in a soothing tone as he continues to approach her. Gracie fixes him with her brown eye and snorts, letting out a large puff of air, still looking over the fence. 

Joel comes to a stop just short of her left shoulder, his palm still outstretched towards her.

“I know, I’m just a stranger. I know you don’t trust me, I get it.” Joel doesn’t even realize what he’s saying in the moment, but he continues to ramble and say whatever comes to mind, in the hopes of reassuring the moody little mare. “But I want you to trust me. I’m not gonna hurt ya. I want to trust you too. What do you think?” He continues in a deep, soft lilt.

After a few moments, Gracie turns her head to him, and stretches out her neck to sniff his waiting palm. He holds his breath for a few seconds, and much to Joel’s surprise she starts to chew her lips and lick his palm slowly. He lets out a long exhale and the corners of his lips quirk into a small smile. 

“There you go. Atta girl.” Joel continues to praise her soothingly, bringing his other hand up to her neck as he begins to pet her.

He steps up closer to Gracie’s body and begins petting her in long strokes. From her neck down to her shoulder, from her shoulder up and across her back, and down her tummy.  Her body hair is short and soft, almost silky smooth. His fingers trace the small swirls of hair in her coat, where the hair grows in opposite directions, and Gracie slowly relaxes, lowering her head and closing her eyes slightly. As he runs his hand over the wide swell of her belly, he pauses, and rests his hand there. Feeling her broad ribcage expand and contract with each breath she takes. ago. 

“When did you say that she lost the foal again?” He calls out to you without looking away from the mare.

“About nine months ago I believe,” you reply back to him, “she’s still holding onto some of the baby weight as you can see, despite her refusal to eat when she first came here.”

Joel hums to himself, his brow furrows and his lips slightly parted as he continues to gently pet her around the middle. Gracie turns her head, looking back at him momentarily. He gazes into the depth of her wide brown eye, the amber hues reflected in the light.  

He feels his throat start to constrict as he looks to her wide belly. Empty, but still glaring with the reminder of what she lost.

Joel doesn’t know what possesses him to do what he does next, but he almost feels like he’s in a trance. Running on autopilot. He shuffles even closer to her side, and rests his head on her back, almost draping himself over her side. Luckily she’s short enough that he doesn’t have to stand on his tip toes, it almost feels like he’s resting his chin on the head of someone a couple inches shorter than him. He continues running his hands up and down the swell of her tummy slowly, feeling his chest and his arms being pushed up and out with each deep breath she takes. 

Think about your breathing.

Joel allows himself this moment and closes his eyes. He gets lost in the rhythm of Gracie’s breathing. No sooner than that, does he realize that he is matching her every inhale and exhale in time with his own breaths.

A few minutes pass and Gracie shakes her head, stomping her hind foot and snorting as she shakes off flies. Joel opens his eyes and jerks his head up, already raising his hands in anticipation that she will take off again. Only she doesn’t, she remains with him.

Remembering the task you gave him, Joel gives her one last pat on the neck. “What do you say we go for a walk huh? C’mon girl.” as he slowly turns away from her and begins walking towards you. He doesn’t look back to see if she follows, but he does walk at a slower pace as he makes his way back to you. 

Your poker face fails you this time as your smirk stretches into a huge grin. Suddenly, you abruptly hold your hand up to stop him in his tracks before he can reach you.

With a quizzical expression on his face, Joel quirks an eyebrow at you. You gesture at him to wait for a few seconds. So he calmly waits, his hands by his sides, fingers twitching in anticipation. After a minute or so, Joel hears the soft thudding of hoofbeats against the dirt, feels a puff of warm air against the back of his left shoulder, tickling his ear. His face slowly breaks into a triumphant smile that matches yours, as he slowly turns to see the little mare contentedly standing behind him.

You wordlessly step to the side, out of his path and motion for Joel to continue walking. A bright smile still plastered on your face as you watch them together.

He walks around the outskirts of the round pen, adjusting his long strides and allowing Gracie to catch up with him. He does a few laps and then he stops. Much to his surprise, Gracie stops alongside him. He changes direction and walks the other way, experimenting with stopping in his tracks again, as she remains by his side. A few laps go by when Joel realizes you haven’t said anything in a while. He looks to you for confirmation and you nod to him, gesturing for him to meet you in the middle of the pen. He confidently strides over to you and sheepishly smiles once more when he feels Gracie’s muzzle nibble at the back of his shoulder. A small chuckle escapes him, his dimple peeking through his smile. 

He turns around and runs his palm down her face, from her forehead to her muzzle. He whispers to her softly, “Hey there baby girl. There you are.”

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[ystk-archive]

[Translation] Perfume discuss recording “Love Cloud” (TV Bros, 23.06.06)

“At our first London concert in nine years, we performed a new song!”

A~chan: We performed our new song "Love Cloud" at our show in London! Nakata-san made it specifically for this overseas appearance.

Nocchi: Nakata-san did advise us that it might be better to perform songs that the crowd would be familiar with, rather than debuting new material at a foreign show. But we wanted to ask him to make something new anyway since the London concert is the best version of our live performances so far and Japanese fans would be watching it too through online streaming and the ABEMA TV broadcast.

A~chan: Yep, we totally did. When we were able to meet with him, that was the main thing we discussed. After that was the "how about doing a 'Polyrhythm Pro Max' version?" conversation (editor's note: they're referring to the iPhone's top-of-the-line Pro Max model). So something where when the song starts, the audience will be like "huh, what song is this? Is this a new song?" and then they get all hyped up once they realize it's one they already know. We're doing that at the [Primavera Sound] festival in Spain and also at the London show, and it was because we could talk about it with him that this new arrangement exists.

A~chan [continued]: We also talked about the new song. I told him that since it was going to be our first overseas concert in four years, I thought it'd be good to have a new track to showcase specially for all the people who waited for us. I wanted to bring a surprise along with us, so he made a track just for the overseas show... During the recording he was like "I made something seriously awesome." He was in a really good mood, huh?

Nocchi: He was!

A~chan: He kept saying things like "isn't this good?" and also expressed that he wants Perfume to have the kinds of songs that other artists on the chart would envy. Though I understand that there are all sorts of artists whom appear together on music shows and sing certain songs that they can only do because of the point they're at in their careers, or artists who specifically pick a particular song to perform, and singers each have their own reasons and sense of timing that explain their choices in music. He said he wants people to think the songs that Perfume sings are really cool. We were extremely moved hearing Nakata-san tell us his dream for us. It was one thing after another while we were sitting there like "Nakata-san, you really thought of us this much..." We were simultaneously excited and moved to tears from hearing him talk like that.

A~chan [continued]: The new track turned out really, really great. Usually when we record he has his back to us the whole time, but while we were working on Love Cloud he kept turning around and saying things like "oh, isn't this awesome?" He was in a super good mood. That said, even though I think the song is cool, when it came time to record the vocals it was insanely difficult. It might've been our longest recording session ever. I must've spent at least three hours in that recording booth.

Kashiyuka: It's because it's a new type of melody for us, isn't it? Nakata-san himself seems aware of the fact that we couldn't pull off this kind of melody in the past but now we can, and he said that when he was young he could never figure out how to put vocals to this sort of thing. So even though we received this song from him and it's really good, it was so tough to sing.

A~chan: It was~ (cries).

Kashiyuka: It's like I couldn't pick up on the notes in the melody at all, even though I can hum it no problem.

A~chan: In my case I was struggling to understand Nakata-san's instructions. "It's not (while humming) 'uuu, uuu~,' it's 'uuu, uuun." I was like...huh? What d'you mean??? All while the song was still playing and I had to sing to it. Like what am I gonna do...

Kashiyuka: It's been a while since we've seen Nakata-san's strict, Spartan side (laughs).

A~chan: He was super aggressive (laughs). Normally the songs play about four bars ahead of us as we record, and before we start a section we discuss it and say things like "I get it" or "I'll try" in response to his direction. Then we usually get a signal to begin but this time it was just, "Like I said, it's 'uuu, uuun.'" And then it was like a phone call getting disconnected, the way I was suddenly thrown into it (laughs). What's worse is the song was played two bars ahead and I had to start singing immediately while still trying to understand what he wanted and I just couldn't keep up. I was so confused that I stopped the recording for the first time by saying, "Um... I really don't understand, I can't pinpoint the melody."

Kashiyuka: Yep, you really did.

A~chan: But when I took a look at the demo, the sound that Nakata-san was talking about wasn't there. It was missing one note. So that's the reason why I wasn't getting it (laughs).

Nocchi: Hahaha!

A~chan: Nakata-san even hums songs like he's shy, so the notes don't come through properly.

Kashiyuka: He sings like he's in a hurry (laughs).

A~chan: Exactly (laughs).

Kashiyuka: He sings and plays the piano in such a rush that I have to ask him for more time so I can process the notes properly.

A~chan: I totally didn't get it. Of course Nakata-san thinks very quickly, and his mind and imagination are moving at speeds so fast that the average person can't keep up with him. Seriously. "Huh? Uhhh, umm, gimme a second..." (laughs). I always try so hard to understand him, but this time I had no choice but to be like "I'm sorry but I'm confused." He said "well, then sing it this way" and then he altered it to how he was originally instructing it to me.

─ This was the first tense recording session you've had with him in a while, isn't it?

A~chan: It was, but we were laughing? Nakata-san was too. We all laughed ourselves silly.

Kashiyuka: While saying stuff like "let me see here, it's supposed to be like this" and "no, hold on..."

A~chan: When we said stuff like "I don't get it," he laughed (laughs). At first I was about to cry trying to figure it out, but I was struggling so much that he broke out into laughter and then I laughed too. Jeez, this track really was hard to record. It's a house-style song.

Kashiyuka: It's probably because the rhythm is so tricky. He wanted to include a lot of syllables and the pronunciation of all the words became complicated. It was a tough battle.

A~chan: It really was.

Kashiyuka: But even Nakata-san was like "try singing it a different way," "no, maybe this way is better," and "whoops, my bad!" (laughs). It was a trial and error process for everyone. We were all trying to find the easiest way to communicate the song.

Nocchi: Yep.

[butterflyintochains]

Of All They Survey

A sequel of sorts to 'The Power Couple Contest'. When last we left our four chaotic hockey men in that story, the team were first in the Metro division by a country mile, and fourth in the league overall. Partly because of four unhinged nutcases with a point to prove. So, naturally, they've made the playoffs! Having beaten Carolina in five in the first round, and gotten through Washington in the second.

We pick up the story in game six of the Eastern Conference Final. And, we go forward from there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today has been the longest day in the team's lives so far, and it's only eleven in the morning. They so wish they were at home so they could hang out at PPG Paints all day. But, they're in Toronto, sitting on a 3-2 series lead in the Eastern Conference Final, and desperate to just get on with this last game. Currently, the core are just back from a gym session, and are watching some footage in a media room at the practice rink they're using. Kris is taking notes like a college student, so is Sid. Erik watches his last shift with Marcus again to see how they pulled off an assist on Bunting's goal. ''Can we see that clip of Drew's goal too, Sid?'' Geno asks.

Sid nods, and scans through to that play. They take notes on that, spotting a breakdown in the communication between Beavillier and Acciari that led the Leafs to score the game winner. ''Ah, there it is, wondered how we let that last goal by us.'' Erik says.

Kris asks, turning his wedding ring on his finger. ''When do we start tonight?''

Sid checks the schedule on his phone. ''Half past six, six hours to go until we hit the ice.''

At loose ends as to what to do for the rest of the day, they grab lunch, and keep on strategising together with Sully and Quinn. Then, it's an hour of ice time with the boys. That takes them until three thirty. Sully orders his boys back to the hotel to sleep for the game, and no one refuses their coach. Kris and Erik lay out their suits, and collapse into bed together. ''You think we'll do this, sweetheart?'' Erik asks as they nod off.

Kris kisses his husband, a promise in it. ''I do, I'll get you your cup, darling, I promise.''

Erik chuckles, and lightly corrects his other half, the eternal martyr that he is. ''We will get us our cup, Kris.''

That evening, they're bussed down to Scotiabank, and suit up while chatting as a family. Sid has instated a 'no silence in the room' policy, it's screwed them over far too often. So, if there's no chatter, someone has to play music. If there's no music, everyone is to talk to each other - even if it's about something silly. Sid and Geno talk to Rusty about their pets. Kris and Erik discuss the latest Arsenal news. Completely ignoring the Prince of Wales trophy in the building somewhere.

The first period goes swimmingly by all measures. Ned performing his usual net magic to withstand the storm. Marner nets a late goal, but Rusty and Bunting keep them ahead 2-1 going into first intermission. Kris is acutely aware of their last Conference final, he can't not be, but, one look to Erik is all he needs to calm down. The second period also goes smoothly, the core taking over for this stage, Geno assisting Erik for a goal to put them up 3-1. Then, minutes later, Sid assists Kris for 4-1. Tavares notches a desperate breakaway to try and salvage the game.

In the third, Knies opens proceedings, and there's a ten minute goalless stint. But, a late one from Lars sends them into the cup final. Carolina, Washington, now Toronto - gone with their 5-3 win. The trophy is brought out, and presented to the core. Sid, as usual, lifts it. It's worked in the past, so why not now? Sid kisses Geno as soon as they're back in the room. Erik, into his first ever cup final, wraps his arms around Kris, shaking like a leaf. Kris presses his lips to Erik's neck, reminding himself that Erik isn't going anywhere. ''Well done, boys, but, the work has only started. We head back home tonight, then, get ready for either Colorado or Vancouver.'' Sully says.

The game puck goes into the board, Ned gets the helmet. And, after press, it's off to the airport.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They're getting a Battle of Nova Scotia for the cup final. No doubt the media are salivating over this one, Probably the most demanded cup final since the old Colorado/Detroit days. But, the team aren't concerned with that, they're concerned with not having home ice advantage to open the series today, having had it all through this miracle run. To just about everyone's surprise, Erik is the calmest one of the core, newly granted an A on his jersey for the playoffs. He and Kris come in for training in Denver, hand in hand, deep in conversation about something to do with Le Mans. Something about how Ferrari bungled a strategy call. Sid and Geno share a look, whatever keeps them calm. ''How's it going, captain?'' Kris asks, putting his ring on its chain for training. ''Good, happy to be over the hump a bit.''

Erik asks his brother-in-law. ''Excited to face Nate?''

Sid shrugs, some part of him is, the other is just going to get on with it. ''It's just another game, Karl. That's what I'm telling myself.''

Lars asks. ''What's in the team notes for this game tonight?'' Sully says to his troops. ''I've heard that Bednar's starting their secondary goalie. So, I'm putting in Jars for tonight. The five of you are our powerplay and overtime unit as usual.''

With that, they head out for training. Working hard to get this first game under their belts tonight. They all know that if they don't, Colorado will run away with this series. Quinn puts them through endurance drills, they'll have to outskate the Avs as well as outscore them. ''Well, that sucked.'' Geno says, leaning on the boards.

Sid is catching his breath, resting his head on Geno's shoulder. ''Yeah, that sucked a lot.''

Kris downs some gatorade, and says. ''Now you know how Erik and I feel.''

Erik nods, and tosses his stick aside for a second. ''We've run those types of drills during summers since 2013 or 14.''

The game does indeed go their way that night. Not having Home Ice doesn't seem to affect them too much. Tristan performs daylight robbery on both Rantanen and Makar in the second period while they're leading 2-1. And, Rusty nets a pair of goals in the third to settle the game at 4-1 going into game two. ''Hope Flower saw that tonight.'' Tristan says as they board the bus back to their hotel.

Sid assures him, sitting himself down next to Geno. ''He did, he just texted me, actually: 'tell Jars I'm impressed with him.' He was watching.''

Tristan says, putting his head back. ''Thanks, Flower!'' Erik sits next to Kris, and says. ''Three more of those, please.''

Kris nods, and laughs, knowing full well the climb that awaits them. ''One game at a time, darling.'' The bus shuts up at that, Kris looks around, confused as hell. ''What'd I say this time?'' Erik laughs, and says to his husband. ''Well, sweetheart, I'd say the english nicknames are no longer secret.''

Acciari says. ''Oh, wow, that's cute. You two have petnames in english too?''

Erik says. ''Yeah, and now we've opened ourselves up to even more teasing!''

Ned proposes, in a way only a goalie can. ''Ooh, distraction tactic! Use them on ice!''

Kris, ever one for some scheming, especially with the recent Power Couple Contest, raises an eyebrow. ''Y'know, Ned? Good idea.'' The bus finally arrives back at the hotel. One down, three to go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The series is sadly tied on return to Pittsburgh. The team have a couple of days off to recover from the jetlag of flying from the mountains to the east. As usual, the core get together at Sid and Geno's place for breakfast the morning of their return. That 3-2 overtime loss sucked, but, it's not over until it's over. No need to press the panic button yet. ''So... the petnames, huh?'' Geno asks, smirking over his coffee mug.

Erik rolls his eyes, they've not heard the end of that since they got on the plane last night. ''Geno... we told you that's between us.'' Sid flashes them a shit eating grin. ''No, tell us, come on.''

Kris says, resigned to having to tell his brothers yet another story they'll get all mushy over. ''The big ones, that's all you're getting, just the big ones we use all the time. Cool?'' Sid and Geno nod. Kris carries on. ''I think I started calling Erik 'mon amour' just after we became official in 2012. We were just on the phone, and it... slipped out.''

Erik smiles softly. ''As for me calling Kris 'hjartat mitt'... he got all insecure over himself when he saw me with Victor at some event, and that was my way of getting through to him.''

Sid and Geno have glossy eyes, Sid says, a big smile on his face. ''That's really sweet. And, like, seeing how happy you are to use them, and hear them, it's just... nice, y'know?'' Erik and Kris share a soft look, for all the roughness on ice, they're always soft for each other. ''Yeah, it is.'' Erik says.

Geno adds. ''How have you two been handling this run? New territory, right?''

Kris says, helping Sid tidy the table up. ''I think we're doing okay, just living one game at a time.''

After their breakfast, they head down to the arena. The glass cabinet where the team's five cups sit pride of place stare the captain and his three alternates in the face. Erik notices the melancholic look in Kris' eyes as he looks up at the 2017 cup, and silently holds his husband's hand. He'd give anything to rewrite that horrible night, kick his own ass and demand the old him apologise right away. But, they're here now, right where they belong. Kris takes a deep breath, and kisses his husband's cheek. ''Got lost for a second, amour.'' He says.

Erik smiles, and squeezes his hand. ''I know, and it's okay, hjartat.''

They go to a media room, and get on with some game study. Reviewing the first two games, taking notes, and discussing strategies for the home games ahead of them. Sid has is calculated in his head that they'll be in Colorado if this goes to seven. So, they must be ready for that. It's worked three times in the past, they've never won a cup at home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Game three is at home, PPG Paints is full to the brim with home fans all clad in black and gold. The core arrive together, as they always do for home games, and walk in together. For most teams, this united front would be mostly for the optics, not in this city. Geno talks to Erik about a story from his days with Metallurg as they walk in. Sid and Kris talk about a big game they played against each other in their QMJHL days. Val D'Or beat Rimouski 6-5 in a massive overtime period. Once out of their suits, they split up into their stalls in the dressing room. They suit up to some music, and Sully gives the read before they head out.

Sid stares down against Nate on face off, Nate looks somewhat intimidated by the sea of black his team are surrounded by. Kris locks eyes with Makar. The kid's good, really good. Nate and Cale are good together, but they'll never be Sid and Kris. Sid wins the faceoff, and it's off to the races. Midway through the first period, Acciari gets them on the board 1-0, with a massive breakway goal. Just a couple of minutes later, Bunting gets a sneaky Michigan goal. ''Good job, boys! More of those!'' Sully shouts from behind the bench.

The second period is mostly Colorado. With Nate and Devon Toews getting two goals to level the game at 2-2 going into the second intermission. ''Alright, this game is very winnable, we stick together, stay calm, and take it one shift at a time. No panic buttons anymore, boys.'' Sully says.

The third period is crazy, Geno opening scoring right off the jump, Rantanen fighting back to tie it 3-3. ''Crosby unit, you're all up!'' The top unit take to the ice, and leap on the offensive right away. Drew putting them back ahead 4-3. However, late in the third, Nate scores a one-timer on the penalty kill to take them to overtime again. The overtime unit get to work right away. Lars gets the puck, and feeds it to Erik, who scans the play once, and says. ''Sweetheart, give them hell!''

Kris takes the puck, ignoring the urge to kiss Erik, he takes the shot, and ends the game 5-4. Then, he pulls his husband in for a kiss in front of the whole arena, who go absolutely crazy for it. ''Hey, get a room!'' Lehkonen chirps them. Not to be outdone in his own arena, Kris fires back. ''We have one, you're in it!''

After the game, a journalist asks Sid. ''Did Kris and Erik plan that kiss beforehand?''

Sid laughs, his best friend and brother-in-law are schemers, but not like that. ''No, I'd say that was very spur of the moment. Can't say I'm all that surprised, though, with how they are backstage.''

Erik shouts over from his media scrum. ''You love us, Croz!'' Sid shouts back. ''Yes, I do.''

Another journalist laughs, and asks. ''Are they down bad for each other?''

Sid nods, grinning ear to ear. ''Oh, yeah. You'd never know it's been over a decade since they got together, they're like teenagers.''

Once back in street clothes, dinner is served to the team at the arena. A 2-1 series lead, almost there, but it's not over until it's over. Sid, of all people, knows fine well what lies ahead of them with this series. A decade of friendship with Nate have taught him well what to expect. The core debrief while they eat. ''What did Lehky say to you two?'' Rusty asks Kris.

Kris chuckles. ''He told us to: 'get a room'. I told him: 'we have one, and you're in it'.'' The team burst out laughing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Game four is another win for the Penguins, a simpler 3-1 home win with amazing goals from Rusty, Lars, and Jesse. They fly out this evening to Denver for what could be the cup winning game.The media are still ruminating over the ''Game Three Kiss'' - as it has been labelled. But, the defence power couple have mostly gotten on with it. But, during a final home skate before they fly out, Beauvillier says to them. ''Hey, why not do that for the next game too? Y'know, kiss to put the Avs off their game.''

Geno remarks. ''It worked then, might work now.'' Erik laughs, the contest still fresh in the team psyche, only now it's been inflicted upon their opposition. ''They'll be expecting it, Tito, we might bust out the nicknames, though.''

Bunting says, sounding excited. ''Oh, please do! I feel like we've heard one percent of the repertoire, and I'm fascinated now you say nicknames, plural.''

Kris smiles, and rolls his eyes. ''Thank you for opening Pandora's Box, mon tresor.''

Erik leans over to kiss his cheek. ''No problem, skatten mitt.'' They tidy up, and hit the showers. Then, it's into suits for the flight to the game that might just end all of this. It's almost too good to be true, one more game, and it's over. But, one thing at a time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Game five is a bit of a clusterfuck, a dramatic 4-3 overtime loss to the Avalanche sends them home to Pittsburgh angry. No one is more pissed about this than Kris is. He's wanted to win a cup with the love of his life since he can remember. He promised Erik that they'd win this thing this year. And, the fucking Avalanche just had to ruin everything, didn't they? It takes Erik putting his hands on his shoulders as they get to their stalls at Cranberry, to bring him out of his head. ''Kris, sweetheart, talk to me. What's going on?''

Kris takes a deep, but ragged breath. ''Game five, Erik. I just want to get you a cup so much, and then, they had to fuck it all up for us. I'm just... pissed off.''

Erik nods, he knows Kris better than Kris knows himself. They even discussed this on their first night back home this season. So, he goes to the tactic he employs to calm Kris down. ''Okay, Kris, what facts do we have right now?''

Kris says, taking another deep breath. ''We're married. We're both Penguins. We're 3-2 up in the final. We're in this together, we love each other. And, we got here together.'' Erik nods, pressing a kiss to Kris' lips. ''Good, feel better now?'' Kris nods, leaning his forehead on Erik's. ''Jag alskar dig, alskad mitt.'' He says.

Erik says. ''Je t'aime aussi, mon coeur.''

The rest flood in, surprised at the sight of Erik calming Kris down from something. They don't pry, instead just get suited up for action. They could very well win the cup tomorrow evening, and nobody is going to be caught slacking off now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Game six is a close affair, and a physical one at that. Geno getting the team's only goal late in the game, not that it salvages it any, they're forced into a game seven with a 2-1 loss. They've got three days off between game six and seven, Sully has them on rest orders for the first day off. Sid and Geno use the day to bake and relax with Sam and Maverick. Kris and Erik use it to re-watch some stuff from their four happy All Star Games, Tampa doesn't count. ''Forgot how good you looked that weekend.'' Erik says as they watch the 2016 All Star Game.

Kris runs his fingers through Erik's hair, finally at that length he loves it at. ''I prefer us with long hair, like in 2019.'' Erik laughs, and adjusts his head on Kris' shoulder. ''Me too.''

At the Crosby-Malkin house, Sid leaves a sheet of cookies to cool on the counter while Geno packs them up for the final flight to Denver. Sam is curled up on the couch, fast asleep in the sun. Maverick curled up with her. Geno comes down with their stuff. ''Done, could not find your Nova Scotia tie, found it in the sock drawer somehow?'' Sid kisses his husband. ''Great. We'll have loads of cookies for the flight too.''

They could so easily disobey Sully's rest orders, heaven knows the four of them are off their collective rockers, especially with a massive game seven looming large over their heads. But, Nate's boys flew home last night, they'll be tired too. Best to rest up for the long term. Over at the Letang-Karlsson house, they pack up for the flight, Buddha helping them wherever he can. Kris has promised Erik another dog at some point, hopefully a husky. ''Alright, darling, looks like we're set to go.''

Erik asks, an eyebrow raised. ''Did you remember your meds, sweetheart?''

Kris chuckles, and kisses his cheek. ''I remembered my meds, darling, yes.'' Someday, the boys will stop worrying about him, but he guesses that is a further flung time than he estimated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The big day finally comes, the entire team arrive at the enemy arena wearing matching suits in black, white, and gold. An idea Kris and Erik proposed at the start of the series. If Sid is honest with himself, which is always, the idea was a stroke of genius from his brother and brother-in-law. This is cemented when they see some of the Avalanche guys arrive all in different suit colours. One team are in harmony, one are not. They get in, change and eat, and suit up. Sully gives the speech, the cup in this building somewhere going totally ignored. ''Alright boys, just like always, we go in together, we stay calm, we go in patient. This is just another game, ignore the noise.''

Mario gives the read. ''Up front we've got: O'Connor, Crosby, and Rust - Sid and the kids!'' The room applaud. ''On the blueline: Letang and Grzelyck.'' PO took over from Gravy as the third pair leader, the room cheers for them. ''In net: Jarry!''

The team file out to the corridor. Sid says in a quiet moment with the core. ''Wanna score a goal each tonight, boys?''

Erik nods, looking determined. ''Sounds great to me, captain.'' Geno smirks, and says. ''Da, davai.''

Kris takes a deep breath, focused on winning this for his husband. ''Let's fucking do this.''

They take to the ice for the game, just another game, and here they stand, all united against thousands tonight. The Penguins against the world, just as it used to be. Five minutes in, Nate takes a dumb penalty, and Sully deploys the Veterans Unit. Sid gets the puck, and shouts. ''Geno!'' Geno receives the pass, and fires a wrist shot past Georgiev's ear to put them up 1-0. ''Spasibo, Sid.'' Geno says, a beaming smile on his face.

That proves to be the only goal of the first period, the defence ticking like a clock and Jarry performing saves Flower would be very proud of. They get some music on during intermission.

The second is a bit more eventful. At six minutes in, Kris reads a play quickly, and says. ''Darling! Do it!'' Erik takes his pass, and hammers it home as soon as he gets it, 2-0 with goals from half the core. In the dying minutes of the period, Sid makes off with the puck from a scrum in the corner, and, catching Georgiev unawares, scores what could be the one to end this whole thing 3-0, with Kris' goal still to come.

Sully gives a very short address to the team during second intermission. ''Good job so far, boys, let's keep this going, the finish line is in sight, we keep blocking the noise out, they're not liking this, but that's okay.'' He turns to the captain. ''Sid, anything to add?''

Sid nods, and just says. ''Kris, mon frere, it's your turn to score next.'' Kris just smiles, that knot of doubt still lingering in his chest, slowly untying itself. Erik squeezes his husband's hand.

They get back to work, the crowd growing angrier with them as the period ticks down to its last half. Geno and Erik watch the final minutes from the bench, helpless while their favourite Canadians are on the ice. In a momentary lapse of focus, Lehkonen passes the puck to Kris. ''Davai, Legenda!'' Geno shouts.

Erik calls to his husband, in french, in the language he learned all those years ago for him and him alone. ''Allez, mon coeur! Allez!'' Kris is patient, skating end to end with the puck, waiting out Georgiev, and scoring a gorgeous goal. They're up 4-0 with a minute and a half left. For which Sully deploys the Veterans Unit. Sid between Geno and Lars, Kris and Erik side by side. The quintet patiently wait the last minute and a half out, before the bench goes empty.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The team mob each other, first in the Metro division thanks to four living legends creating a reality show for their teammates. Now, cup champions yet again, with just four remaining from the last time they were in this position. Sid pulls Geno down for a kiss in full view of Nate. Fighting through the crowd, Kris finds Erik, and wraps his arms around him. Erik cries into his husband's shoulder. Sixteen seasons, and his name will finally go on that cup. ''We did it, mon amour.'' Kris says. Erik kisses him. ''I love you, Kris.''

Kris kisses him back, and runs his fingers through Erik's damp hair. ''I love you too, Erik.''

The core celebrate with their team, before the two final trophies are brought out. Sid, to the surprise of absolutely nobody, is awarded the Conn Smythe. Then, the Stanley Cup. Which goes to Erik after the captain's lap, Kris is in tears at the sight of the love of his life with the Stanley Cup. ''Hjartat, you next!'' Erik passes it off to Kris with a kiss for his lap of the rink. After which Kris says. ''Geno, I'm coming in hot!'' He passes the cup up to Geno.

Once all of the quartet take their laps, they sit and watch the rest of their team take their laps. Sid and Geno are pulled up for a photo with the cup. Kris fishes his chain out, and removes it so he can put his wedding ring back on. Erik does the same. ''Kris, Erik - your turn.'' The photographer says.

They pose with the cup in their arms, their golden wedding rings proudly on display against the silver. Flashing triumphant smiles down the camera, over a decade, and they've finally won their cup together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They spend a couple of days resting off the game and their hangovers from the dressing room party. But, they have to go home at some point. They're up late in the morning, pack up for their evening flight, and get on the plane to Pittsburgh. The cup with them on the plane, safely kept in the seat next to Sully. Sid happily rests his head on Geno's shoulder, both glowing with the fourth cup win. Kris, radiant but tired, engages Lars in conversation about Denmark. Erik is also glowing, and texting Victor about the win. Kris' phone buzzes, he answers it on speaker. ''Bonjour, mon chum!'' The whole plane shuts up, Flower is calling them from wherever he is.

Flower says. ''Felicitations, mes amis!''

Sid says from his seat. ''Thank you, Flower!'' Flower asks Erik, the first time cup winner in the family. ''How does it feel, Karl?''

Erik beams from his seat next to Kris. ''Only finding Kris felt better, Flower, I've not stopped smiling for two days.''

Flower says, laughing. ''I can imagine. I'll let you guys sleep, I'm coming into town soon, so I'll see you all soon.'' Kris smiles, clearly missing his favourite goalie. ''You're staying with us, Erik and I will get the guest room ready for you.''

Flower says. ''Got it, I'll see you soon, boys!'' They hang up, and finally get to sleep. Geno has a feeling they're not going to be sleeping much for the next week or so. It's going to be chaos as soon as they get home, so, he wants to savour the flight home as much as he can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flower arrives in town the day before the parade. Retirement looking very good on him. He may not have retired with this team, or with this cup. But, he's etched into the fabric of this team. He immediately embraces his three brothers, and gives Erik a massive hug as well. Then, he says to the two goalies. ''You two are absolutely incredible, you know that, right?''

Tristan says. ''All because of your example, Flower.''

Flower asks the core. ''Thinking of joining me in retirement now?'' Sid shakes his head. ''Not even a little bit, no. We're nowhere near done yet. Our contracts are still active, so we'll play them out.''

Someone shouts over to the quartet. ''Captain and Alternates, the head car awaits!''

The core pile into the back of the lead truck, the cup and Conn Smythe sitting between them. Once everyone is situated, they roll out into the streets, lined in their home fans, decked out in team colours. The team have never won a cup at home, maybe that's for the best, no feeling beats coming home for the parade. Instead of sitting around waiting for it to happen. ''We did it, Sid.'' Geno says. Sid nods, that typical doe-eyed look in his face. ''We did it, G.''

Kris turns to Erik. ''Well, here we are at last, alskad mitt.'' Erik nods, and dries his eyes again. ''Here we are, mon coeur.''

Sid asks Erik. ''Was it everything you wanted it to be?'' Erik nods, fixing his hair again. ''Everything and more. When do we get our rings?''

Geno says. ''Start of next season.''

They proudly and triumphantly present all three trophies to their city. The speeches are made, and their jerseys are handed over to go to Toronto. After eight years of worrying whether they'd get back here, here they are again. The rulers of all they survey once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summer is filled with parties, team events across two whole continents, and each of their cup days. A blur of celebrations gives way to much earned rest. The replica cups sit in the Letang-Karlsson house with the Masterton and Norrises as soon as they're home in Pittsburgh. They get their rings on their first visit to Toronto before camp begins. The person in charge of the rings hands them out by number. Erik opens his box first, and says to his husband. ''God, it's huge.''

Kris laughs, trying his on his right ring finger, his left is taken by a more important ring. ''Yeah, that never changes. Try it on.'' Erik slides it onto his right middle finger. ''Heavy too, wow.''

Kris asks, only to be cheeky. ''Which do you prefer? That ring, or your wedding ring?''

Erik cocks an eyebrow, a glint of something in his dark eyes. ''Sweetheart, my wedding ring, of course. This is the pride of my career, you are the pride of my life.''

Kris melts again, how the hell has one person softened him so much over the last fourteen years? ''You're the pride of my life too, darling.'' Acciari asks, coming back from calling someone. ''Are the defencemen being mushy again?''

Bunting corrects him. ''Still, Cookie, are they being mushy still? And, yes, they are.''

Sid jokingly steps in, he knows how that first cup rush feels all too well, doesn't matter whether you're two forwards in their early twenties, or two defencemen in their late thirties. ''I think they've earned it, Noel.''

Nobody argues with their captain on that, too happy to bask in their victory, too excited for the upcoming season. No one thought they'd win that final, every single journalist had them taken out back and shot, how wrong they were. Who put any hope in all of the core scoring in game seven? Carolina couldn't stop them, Washington and Toronto all fell by the wayside, and they conquered Colorado in enemy territory. They've also got 29 to raise up soon, so that's going to be fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay! I think 'Rival Captains In Love' might have been usurped at last! This might just be my magnum opus for my beloved defencemen so far. Didn't think I'd ever dethrone 'Rival Captains' but, here I am. Little note: I fiddled around with some trades, and kept PO on the team instead of Graves. That was for continuity purposes with 'The Power Couple Contest' - to which this is a sequel! The most self-indulgent thing I've written yet, but that's okay.

Enjoy!

Also, here's my series summary for those into data as I am. Colour coded as it is in my notebook (which literally carried this fic)

Pittsburgh Penguins vs Colorado Avalanche SCF

Game - Home Ice - Score - Winner

One - Colorado - 4-1 - PP Two - Colorado - 3-2(ot) - CA Three - Pittsburgh - 5-4(ot) - PP Four - Pittsburgh - 3-1 - PP Five - Colorado - 4-3(ot) - CA Six - Pittsburgh - 2-1 - CA Seven - Colorado - 4-0 - PP

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being harsh to one of my group mates?

(📳🎓)

For context, this is in uni, and most of us are between 18 to 20 years old. We've been assigned a group project we need to do basically, and while there were originally 8 of us, for the longest time there were only 5 of us. The other 3 were unavailable for a variety of reasons - until within the past two or so weeks, one of them (I'll call A) started showing up to some lectures. Not all of them mind you, but a couple of them.

Initially I was a bit 'ehhh' on A, simply because he hasn't shown up until now. However the rest of the group wanted to give him a chance, and for the sake of fairness we did. And for the most part, imo, he's been unreliable. He showed up recently to one of our more important sessions (the session essentially being producing a bulk of the work we'd need to do) and was genuinely helpful, but for me the pressing issues I have with him are that

1. He's inconsistent. He only got to that session because we prodded him about it on WhatsApp, and I'm sure that if we didn't he wouldn't have turned up at all

2. He rarely if at all communicates with us. He responded to one person (who I'll call D) twice and another person once. While in person he's a lot better, getting in touch with him otherwise is essentially impossible.

The kicker recently is that in person, we agreed to have a one on one meeting where we'd talk about what we've done so far and what he'll be able to help out with in the future. I arrived to the location, and waited... He never showed up. I texted him multiple times to let him know that if he's late he needs to tell me, and as I'm writing this he still hasn't even bothered to read the messages at all. I let D, who's our group leader, know and they believe he shouldnt share our grade. I agree.

However, the reason why I feel I'm the AH is because he says he's been having some mental health issues. He didn't specify what, just that it's 'been hard getting out of bed' and the like. He may have mentioned depression, but I also can't 100% confirm it. The rest of the group believe we should give him another chance, saying that depression is hard and that we can't expect him to be fine 100% now, and they've even said that D themself is inconsistent when it comes to showing up to meetings, which is true. They say that they themselves have had similar struggles in the past and they sympathise.

While that's fair, I'm also of the opinion that well... He hasn't even done a lot of work. Like at all. He helped during that session but has otherwise done fuck all. From a practical standpoint he doesn't deserve a grade simply because he's done essentially nothing since we started, even if it is because he's been having a bad time. However, he also hasn't had much time to prove himself that he is capable of helping, so it could be that I'm just pre-judging him out of cynicism.

It might also not help that I'm a very practical person when it comes to mental health - I deal with my own shit, tend not to burden anyone with my issues if I can, and just get on with things. My anxieties were rough before uni, and while it's gotten better in some areas it's gotten worse in others. Yknow, stuff like money, if I'm even eating properly, general life, personal circumstances, all that shit. However it might be that A is the type to get buried in his feelings, and my more practical viewpoint is me being way too harsh on someone who is struggling.

While I understand where my group is coming from, I still don't think A should share our grade. Imo he hasnt shown much initiative if at all for the group, and even if he was struggling the fact that he just generally hasn't done anything means I don't think he should share our grade. AITA?

TLDR: Guy in a group has done not much in terms of participating in our group project, because he's been struggling mentally up until now. Group is mostly sympathetic and wants to give him another chance, while I think otherwise, believing he's had enough chances already.

What are these acronyms?

[eliotqueliot]

Queliot & The Magicians Fic Reading Winter Challenge, part 2

Just to make it clear, the numbers you will see aren't a ranking of any kind. It's just me keeping track of how many recs I've made during this personal reading challenge, as I hope to hit 40 by Jan. 31. I'm reading fic at a wide range of lengths, and I wanted to find a way to allow myself time to finish the longer ones, as well as work in the shorter ones, so I hope this works! For the most part I'll be posting only the ones I've finished reading, but exceptions will be made for WIPs and one or maybe two fic that are going to be too long for me to finish in the time period (if I'm also reading anything else).

These are just some of the fic I've been reading and commenting on lately, and I love them all! So much! You beautiful Queliot writers...you get me right where I live...and you save me, every time.

Also--I'm hoping to have some more time to read over the next few days! So hopefully I'll get in more recs!

4. A lovely, cozy Christmas getting-together story. Q has a cat and a bookstore! Eliot sings a Christmas song! There is rain and a fluffy bathrobe! And an epic make-out session! And friendship, and it's all just so sweet. Specifically written Hallmark style for the holidays. Thank you, @itsminimes!

As Long As You Love Me So - itsminimes - The Magicians (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

5. 31 absolutely stunningly beautiful and funny and sweet and poignant vignettes! Put them together and they read like poetry...sharing some of the deepest moments of the heart...sometimes out of these small, beautiful everyday moments that might get overlooked...sometimes sharing amazing new adventures or twists! Truly beautiful! Thank you, @lasouris-r! Nothing else to fear - LaSourisRousse - The Magicians (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

6. Here's another Christmas story for you! I love this one so much! Eliot is a doctor and Quentin is a cowboy, and Eliot tends Q after an accident...I love the casting and friendships in this story (very sweet and well-done, just love the strength of these bonds and how much everyone helps each other...and how much Eliot and Quentin bond so quickly)...love the exploration of Eliot & Quentin's feelings, too...just all so very sweet!! Thank you, @itsminimes!

A Christmas wish - itsminimes - The Magicians (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

7. This is by far the longest single fic I'll have ever read. I've been reading it off & on for several months and I just love it so much and I don't want it to ever end. I'm now in Ch. 10 of 24 and I'm still going to be reading it through the end of the challenge, I'm sure, so here it is right now. It's an AU in which Quentin is Fillorian and he and High King Eliot are in an arranged marriage and OF COURSE they totally fall in love with each other, but the very arrangement makes it hard for them to understand that the other one actually loves them. The characters are just so well drawn, so true to themselves it's like watching the show, and the bedroom scenes are so hot, and there's a lot of humor just like in the show, and also a lot of really deep emotions and thought. The worldbuilding, expanding on what we know, is also fantastic. Oh, and Penny is a king!!! My description here is longer because the fic is over 384k but it is totally worth every second of your time! Thanks, @hmgfanfic!

Little Quirks of Fate - HMGfanfic - The Magicians (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

[i-dream-of-twilight-sparkle]

After things ended well in the last session, Starlight felt emboldened enough to plan the next session sooner. It's only been three days since the Generosity lesson. Like she mentioned to Chrysalis already, the egos of this lesson's guests this time do somewhat worry her for this lesson. But not in a way that means she has no faith in her friends, just a bit curious how Chrysalis is going to behave with guests who have egos closer to the Queen's own. 

At the same time this lesson should be something of a breather compared to the last one since it won't require any emotional talks with Ocellus and/or Thorax. Perhaps arguably there was a lot more at stake, and things that could have easily gone terribly wrong in the previous lesson and in fact almost did when Chrysalis tried to escape, but Starlight also doesn't want this session to end in a standstill with every one in the room just saying what they're the best at while doing nothing but irritating Chrysalis. Some of the guests are those she's known for more than a decade now, but there's certainly going to be some chemistry with this group. Starlight just doesn't know if it will all mix together, or just blow up in her face.

She approaches the now much more enlarged cell behind the barrier and calls out for Chrysalis

Starlight: I'm back, Chrysalis! Hope the extra space has felt much better these past few days.

Unlike so many of the previous sessions, Chrysalis actually seems a bit pleased to see Starlight. The additional cell space has really allowed her to be more cheery.

Chrysalis: Ah is it that time already? You'd given me such a break before our last lesson, I didn't think you'd be having this one so soon. I'm well aware who's coming… at least one of the ponies who's coming. You'll be happy to know I have been practicing my flight thanks to this bigger space! I know a certain competitive blue pony will try to assert her dominance over me, but that's not going to happen now!

She cackled.

Starlight: I figured since things ended relatively well last time, it would be best to strike while the iron is hot you could say. You obviously needed time after not just the overfill of Pinkie and Cheese's love, but the emotions you had after seeing Discord again. It could have been very easy to just leave you after you had finished talking with Thorax and I'd have had to wait much longer, possibly even the longest wait out of any session yet. But... instead I gave you a chance to explore the hive, and I expanded the size of your cell as a gift... even if that included an escape attempt mixed in the middle of all that.

It helps that today's guests I can gather on a near moment's notice. Where either they already currently work at the friendship school, or they have the speed to arrive anytime I need them.

Chrysalis smirked

Chrysalis: Old habits die hard, what can I say? I chose not to leave though. Or put the blame on you for escaping either, never forget that.

She huffs, speaking as if Starlight owed her for what she did, or rather didn't do. She was aware that Rainbow Dash would be one of the guests, but she was still in the dark on the others.

Chrysalis: It's safe to assume today's lesson is about loyalty… though it's not about pledging loyalty to me is it~?

She gives a toothy grin, while Starlight just lifts an eyebrow with a snarky chuckle

Starlight: Ha, sorry 'Your highness' but we're far from doing that. However, before we bring in our guests... I figure I should ask... is there a moment of your life you held great loyalty for someone that you can share with me. At any point of your life.

Chrysalis thinks about it for a moment before she nods.

Chrysalis: My… my parents. I was quite loyal to them… when they were alive, anyway. And… then I was loyal to the next leader of the hive… or at least the leader who decided to take charge. He taught me everything on how to be the Queen I was!

She noticeably didn't give a name. 

Chrysalis: So I do understand the importance of loyalty towards one's leaders. The undying loyalty that would make you put your life on the line for them! That is what I tried to instill in my changelings before I was betrayed.

Starlight writes down on her journal, though in respect to Chrysalis decides not to push for more information. There will be a time and place for that she feels like, and it would feel like pushing her luck if she digs any deeper. She nods and thanks Chrysalis for giving a straightforward answer as she can at this time

Starlight: Thank you Chrysalis, you don't need to go any further than that for now. Let's bring in our guests then, shall we?

Chrysalis sighs.

Chrysalis: Fine, bring them in. I can only imagine the headaches I'll be having tonight. But fine, portal them in... I'm at least ready for the element of loyalty... honestly, she can't be worse than some of the other guests that were… uninvited.

Chrysalis watched as Starlight opened the portal for not only Rainbow Dash, but all of the others that were joining them for this lesson, Chrysalis did directly recognize another pony in this group as well, Trixie.

Chrysalis: (Oh goody… TWO blue annoyances… and both of them have taken part in stopping my plans before…)

Though just as Trixie steps in, a rainbow trail ZOOMS into the chamber, almost blowing Trixie's hat clear off her head and flies all around Starlight's half of the chamber. The Captain of the Wonderbolts enters in style. As she makes a dramatic landing, she poses near Starlight. Her mane style was more like Spitfire's now, and she even had a captain's jacket and sunglasses. As she beams a smug smirk.

Rainbow: Wasssssuuuuuuuuup?! Captain Rainbow Dash of the Wonderbolts is here to provide a bit more color to this dreary room!

A snarky voice is heard from behind a portal in which an orange and purple dragon walks on in. This was Smoulder, she was about Dragon Lord  Ember's height from 10 years ago by now.

Smolder: I didn't know you were a painter... Professor Dash.

Trixie was also in some slightly different attire, she was wearing a suit of the same color as her magician hat. It looked more professional than her cape though it was still in a similar style.

Trixie: Hmph! You nearly made Trixie lose her hat! How can the Great and Powerful Counselor Trixie make a grand entrance without it!? Trixie must look presentable at all times! Chrysalis has not seen the new, and improved, Trrrrrrixie!

The other pony that came in was pretty speedy as well, carrying a backpack on her that was large enough to cover her tiny wings.

Scootaloo: Let's not forget Equestria's Mermaid, me, Scootaloo! One of the fastest members, if not the fastest member of the Waterbolts!

Chrysalis looked at them all and deadpanned.

Chrysalis: Ah… egotistical self love, well at least I know what kind of flavor I'll be getting to taste plenty of today...

Starlight about sighed, this was certainly going to be one hard room to handle she felt.

Starlight: Uh yeah... even if most of them have introduced themselves plenty… I’ll still give something of an overview of them all. 

Rainbow Dash since you last saw her has become the new Captain as soon as Spitfire retired. Rainbow now leads the Wonderbolts along with her squad of Thunderlane, Vapor Trail, and Sky Stinger.

Trixie meanwhile, was my first ever friend made after meeting Twilight and the others. She took over as Counselor when I was promoted to Headmare of the School of Friendship. She may sound conceited… but she's a stage magician true-and-true that is just really good at keeping up her act. Once you really get to know her, Trixie's one of the funnest friends to be around. We've had our fair share of friendship field trips both in and outside of Equestria, heh heh.

The tall orange dragon you see before you is Smolder, she was another of our first non-pony students a decade ago. And she took over as Professor of Loyalty once Rainbow committed full time to the Wonderbolts from then onward.

And last but not least, is Scootaloo. The 2nd of 3 Cutie Mark Crusaders who thanks to a wish made from Twilight long ago gained the ability to transform into a seapony at any moment sort of like the Hippogriffs do with their necklaces. She's been practicing her swimming ability ever since, and as she stated. She has a reputation as Equestria's Mermaid. Known worldwide as the fastest pony ever... in the sea that is

Chrysalis: Hmmmph… All your titles are certainly achievements, but they pale in comparison to the true Queen of the Changelings~!

Chrysalis looks at the entire group, as if she's measuring them up. It's nice to be able to have more room in this area now, she doesn't feel as confined to a corner like before. She feels as if she can have a bit more leverage.

Chrysalis: Smolder… with that position, you must be friends with Ocellus then. Interesting… I certainly hope you're as loyal as Glimmer says.

Smolder: You kidding? Ocellus is almost like a little sister to me! I'd never leave her hanging!

Rainbow: Same thing for me and Scoots! Isn't that right, squirt?!

Scootaloo nods enthusiastically

Chrysalis: I can certainly already taste your love for yourself… young Scootaloo, and your idolism for her. 

She smirks, looking over to Rainbow Dash. Chrysalis then looks at Trixie.

Chrysalis: You… yes, I remember you well. You snuck into my hive with Glimmer over there when I was… removed from my throne. There's a lot of love coming off of you for yourself… and something else about you… I cannot place my hoof on i,t but there's something about you that I like.

Trixie: Aha! Trixie can see she's already made a good impression as well! Hmph, was there ever any doubt though?

Chrysalis: And you, Rainbow Dash… it's been a while hasn't it? The windswept look makes you look more… mature. But are you still really the fastest at your age? Hmm?~

It sounded like she was trying to get under their skin just a bit.

Rainbow: Ha, I haven't slowed down a bit Chrysalis! And now that I have experience to add to that, I could probably outspeed anyone even when I turn 50!

Scootaloo nods at Rainbow with a grin.

Scootaloo: That's right! Rainbow's still the fastest flier in all Equestria! Age can't slow her down!

Chrysalis smirks at them, pacing back and forth, her focus on Rainbow Dash. Something about this… was familiar to Chrysalis. Like there was a bit of a competitive flame burning within her.

Chrysalis: Really? You want to put your money where your mouth is Rainbow Dash? You claim to still be the fastest… but can you really beat...

She takes one step as green flames envelop her, transforming Chrysalis into Rainbow Dash at her prime.

Chrysalis: Can you really beat yourself?~

Starlight: Hold on now, it's not time for a race... or at least... not yet. We're only going to be talking first, but I promise that we will see a great race between Rainbow Dash and Chrysalis soon. Assuming Chrysalis consents to that idea that is.

Rainbow: Ha, I won't be surprised if she declines. There's no way she can beat me!

Chrysalis grins widely at them, still speaking in Rainbow Dash's voice

Chrysalis: Ah, a chance to show who the fastest flier really is? I can handle that!

Scootaloo rolls her eyes

Scootaloo: Oh please, you can look like her all you want, but you can't match Rainbow's speed! She's been training all her life and you've been in stone for the last few years!

Trixie: Better a race than trying to challenge Trixie to a magic off, not like Chrysalis would win that either!

The air of competition was heavy among all of them, wanting to prove how superior they were. Chrysalis shifts back to her normal form.

Chrysalis: Ha! I will accept all challenges! I will show you my greatness! But fine, Glimmer… let us have our preliminary chat. Then I can show the power of a Queen!

Smoulder just rolls her eyes

Smolder: You ponies and your competitions... granted, I know I can be a bit competitive when it comes to lava surfing but I know neither ponies nor any changeling wants to get near lava. 

The mere thought of lava sends a chill down Chrysalis' spine. 

Chrysalis' expression drops immediately at the thought. Something all of them can see clear as day on her face.

Chrysalis: No… no, we do not. Not again, not ever...

She walks back, the competitive fire having died down for now.

Chrysalis: So Glimmer, how did you actually want to start this lesson?"

Trixie and Scootaloo looked surprised by the sudden change in tone from Chrysalis, and the fact that she wanted to really go through with the lesson proper rather than just bluster at each other.

Starlight: Well, I suppose we can start with Scootaloo showing her seapony form. I'm sorry we don't exactly have a pool for you to show off your swimming skills. Though say, I see you've brought a backpack. Did you bring something here?

Scootaloo nods and pulls out a projector. The walls around there are flat enough that it would make for a pretty good screen. 

Scootaloo: It's too bad I can't show off my swimming skill directly. Buuuuut at least with this you can actually see it, instead of just seeing an orange and purple blur, heh. Watch and be amazed at the fastest swimmer in all of Equestria!

Chrysalis rolls her eyes as Scootaloo sets up the projector. The sound of the film running echoing through the prison. Onscreen she can see a waterbolts show. She recognized Silverstream there. And she even saw a few changelings in the group too. Inside it made her happy, but she was not about to show it, especially not to this group. She could also taste the prideful love coming off of Scootaloo… and also from Rainbow Dash, who looked quite proud of her number 1 fan's accomplishments.

Rainbow: Hey Squirt! Rewind to get some slow-motion views of your underwater stunts! Show how amazing you are even on a frame-by-frame basis!

Scootaloo: Heh, for once I'm ahead of you on something! I made sure to get a whole supercut made of my best stunts, check it out, it's coming up now!

They can all see on the projector, zoomed in shots of Scootaloo darting through the water, her breaching the surface and flipping around, even creating a whirlpool on her own too! It was admittedly impressive, even Chrysalis couldn't deny that. Though she did notice something that hadn't crossed her mind when Scootaloo walked in. Her wings. She saw them in the Waterbolt film and only then she realized how small they were. Like a foal's wings. But Scootaloo was clearly much older than a foal. 

Chrysalis: (Odd… this mare isn't a child anymore, yet she has the wings of one… that's probably why she's not a wonderbolt… but why not just ask Twilight Sparkle to give her normal wings? Even Cadence and Shining’s little brat had wings that were adult sized, and she was still a child! I don't understand… they have a genie as an ally, why not harness her power?)

Starlight claps for the clip show from the projector and smiles toward the talented swimmer

Starlight: Now Scootaloo, although there is no water down here. How about you briefly sit down on the floor and show Chrysalis your seapony form right here

Scootaloo nods happily, getting herself into position. Chrysalis also gets a better view of her and her wings.

Scootaloo: Sure thing! Now you better watch closely, and be careful, cause my awesomeness might just blow you away!

Chrysalis watches as the back half of Scootaloo begins to glow. Her legs seemingly merged into one and elongated into a fin. Scootaloo looks quite proud of herself, as she poses as best she can in her transformed state.

Scootaloo: Ta-da~! So, what do you think? Not like your flames of green when you transform, but still pretty flashy in its own right! Don't be too stunned by Equestria's Mermaid!

Chrysalis: Again with you ponies trying to measure up to Changelings by transforming yourselves. I'll give you credit, your speed in the water is something to behold. But I do have a question regarding… those, your wings... I hadn't noticed it when you had your bag on, but now that I see them up close… is that some result of you trying to transform?

Starlight: Ah! I nearly forgot you haven't seen Scootaloo for long enough to notice, or well... back when you did last see her she was a filly. So the small wings looked relatively normal. You see Chrysalis... Scootaloo was born with a disability. She's a pegasus who under normal circumstances could never fly like any normal Pegasus. She could buzz a little bit above the air, but otherwise was incapable of taking to the skies herself.

However, the small size of her wings in the case of her swimming talent actually is a boon. The hippogriffs were bird-esque equines with a large set of wings, they can still swim quite fast with practice but those wings even when turned into more translucent water wings do slightly drag whereas for Scootaloo she's basically like a torpedo with her small sized wings. It's not the sole reason she is the fastest Waterbolt, but it's certainly turned what was a disability into an extra edge in any underwater performance. Scootaloo's speed in the water could match Rainbow's fastest speeds in the air.

Rainbow nods

Rainbow: Scootaloo may never be able to fly like me, but who cares about that when she can wow crowds in the water! And she worked hard to achieve this.

Sometimes a disability is simply a dead end that makes you find another path around to achieve your dreams, even when that path's a bit unexpected. Cause I know how much you used to hate baths! 

Rainbow chuckles and winks

Scootaloo chuckles herself awkwardly and rolls her eyes a bit as Rainbow mentions her initial dislike of baths but quickly turns around to look proud, unlike when she was young where she would be ashamed of her inability, she was happy that her wings can actually be used to her advantage now. She transforms back to her normal pony self and stands up before responding.

Scootaloo: Hehe yeah! I can draw in crowds on my own and I have so many adoring fans who are going through the same kinds of issues I went through! And if I can show them what somepony with a disability can do, then they in turn will believe in themselves! I can make them realize that life isn't as cruel as it might seem!

Chrysalis tilts her head.

Chrysalis: Very inspirational yes… but I'm still confused. You say you've had this disability since you were a filly… so why not just wish from Twilight Sparkle to make your wings grow properly? That seemed like it would well be within her power, even then...

Scootaloo went quiet for a moment.

Scootaloo: I won’t lie that a part of me thought about it early on, but… I dunno, at this point it'd feel like more of a disadvantage. In fact, that would feel more like a disability to me. I'd also be letting my fans down if I just showed up with full size wings out of nowhere! And even back then, I wanted to do it on my own! No shortcuts! Twilight had way more important things to be worried about! 

Rainbow: That's right, I could have wished to be a Wonderbolt straight up if I had wanted to. As back when Twilight became a genie, I hadn't even been invited to the reserves yet. But I held myself still, because I thought of the implications. Twilight wishes up some sort of official contract that certifies me as a Wonderbolt. 

Do Spitfire and the others just accept that? Are their minds instantly made to be ok with my sudden addition to the Wonderbolts without even having been to the academy? Or think if I'd even feel I've truly earned it. All those years dreaming to get into the bolts, and it's done with simply saying a single sentence to a friend that just so happened to gain this cosmic power out of nowhere? It... just didn't sit right with me

Some ponies say I don't think things through enough ... and to be fair they were sometimes right... but when it came to achieving my dream. Just as Scootaloo said, I wanted no shortcuts. Earn what you can achieve by your own willpower.

Starlight: And even if Scootaloo had wished for wings and tried to earn her way to the Wonderbolts through normal means. Most Wonderbolts had been training their entire lives while Scootaloo would be quite behind. 

Maybe Scootaloo could add onto the wish to be as skillful as a Wonderbolt, but that gets back to how she wouldn't feel like she'd had earned her skill. Whereas wishing to be able to turn into a seapony at will started off as realizing that she loves to swim and didn't mind briefly sacrificing her hindlegs to trade for a feeling similar to flying when she visited Seaquestria for the first time with Sweetie, Apple Bloom, and Twilight. 

Plus it helped make Scootaloo feel more unique that she was the first pony in the Waterbolts.

Rainbow: Spitfire had been looking for ways to expand the Wonderbolts. We initially were only going to expand to non-pony fliers as Equestria continued to be inspired by the diversity of the School of Friendship. But then Scootaloo suggested the possibility of a naval branch to her. Spitfire told Scootaloo that if she could find enough talented swimmers in Seaquestria, she'd consider giving it a shot. 

Though it would turn out that the best swimmers were already trying out for the Wonderbolts. Because we saw some AWFUL flying performances... but once we realized Queen Novo didn't send only the fastest fliers. We switched the training course to go underwater and suddenly the worst fliers were the best swimmers, and vice versa. Thus, the Waterbolts had its foundation!

Scootaloo nods.

Scootaloo: Just because we could ask Twilight for the things we want, honestly getting it that way would cause more problems than it's worth. And then the whole implications of messing with ponies' heads, I can't get behind that! Sure, I would've loved to have my wings be normal. But they don't define me, I do! The waterbolts are where I belong! I can live out my dreams and inspire others like me! I think that's better than some quick fix.

This made Chrysalis go silent for a moment. The prospect of hard work isn't lost on her either… and the idea of just a quick fix being dull or unearned made her think about her villainous days.

Chrysalis: I suppose you may have a point there… as much as I had wanted to conquer Equestria, I would rather have done it by my own hooves… Even when I had captured Twilight before in the past I didn't try to force a wish out of her… hm...

It was a dark comparison but Chrysalis was at least understanding somewhat.

Chrysalis: So none of you would rather wish to have a better situation in life?

Smolder: I don't know about everyone here, but I'm pretty ok with where I'm at. Sure, I could think of ways my life could be selfishly better, like if Dragon Lord Ember were to suddenly resign and I get a chance to become the new Dragon Lord. But then I think about if I would really want to be a leader. All that power is nice, but then comes all the responsibility. I mean... I'm still responsible for my students as the Teacher of Loyalty. But a classroom is on a whole different scale from an entire nation. 

It's more fun just to make my students play Dodge Ball every Friday. Couldn't make all of the Dragon Lands do that as Dragon Lord... 

Or COULD I...?

Smoulder paused, before chuckling to herself

Starlight: There was certainly a time of my life where I definitely would have wanted to wish for a better situation... but well... Twilight basically has already done that for me without having to wish for anything. I didn't just wish Twilight would become my teacher, she offered that all on her own. No genie magic required. You'd think that Twilight would use wishes to solve every problem that comes in her or her friend's way, but what makes Twilight such a great genie. Is she knows when something doesn't necessarily require her powers to do. She'll still use them to help on occasion, but she usually thinks things through.

Really, the only thing I can think of that I'd desire more than anything else would be to have my mother be alive again and in her own body. But that's something that's beyond even Twilight's wishing power. 

Trixie: Wellll, Trixie did have the idea for some more personal items, but Starlight convinced her otherwise. Besides, Trixie could easily wish to be the world's greatest stage magician… even though Trixie absolutely already fits that description. But Trixie would much rather show the world what she is capable of! The world will marvel at the great and powerful Trrrrrrixie! Not because of some wish, but because she worked for it!

Chrysalis was stunned. They were so confident in their own abilities to get what they wanted and they had so much respect and… loyalty to Twilight that they didn't want to abuse her power. So what did that say about Chrysalis then? She already admitted that she would rather have worked to take over Equestria too… at least she would have in the past.

Chrysalis: You all believe in Twilight Sparkle that much....? And in yourselves… hm… here I thought you were all talk… just bluster...

Rainbow: I suppose another part of it is how Twilight has the full ability to say no to wishes. She isn't like one of those storybook genies! Otherwise Spike could have wished for Rarity's love... although I suppose the Aladdin sort of genie had a rule against wishes for love. From what I know Twilight COULD hypothetically do that, but she has the moral fiber to turn that down immediately. 

As Rainbow mentions Spike most of the room just nods along although Chrysalis can see a hint of nervousness from Smoulder as the subject changed to not just love but mentioning Spike in there too.

Chrysalis snickered initially

Chrysalis: Oh come now, it's not so bad to force others to love you. so the other person gets a little… empty headed when you force them to love you. It's fine! But I guess that's not what any of you are looking for in a relationship, be it a pony or… dragon...

She could taste something in the air, her attention turned to Smoulder. It seemed the mention of Spike had made her blush.

Chrysalis: What's the matter? Getting a bit warm in here? Don't tell me, you have feelings for the little purple dragon? I can taste it on you… so no point in lying~

Smolder frowns and her blush goes brighter

Smolder: W-w-w-what?! H-hey! I-i-i don't have a c-crush on s-s-Spike!

Starlight shakes her head

Starlight: Sorry Smolder, you're not exactly going to be able to hide it that easily from the Queen of the Changelings here. Honestly, it's not even that hard to guess for most of us. And we're not even the ones who can taste love

Smoulder, incapable of hiding it, just turns her back to hide her blushing face from everyone in the chamber.

Smolder: I-i-i-i-idiots!

The others in the room just roll their eyes and chuckle.

Rainbow: I should at least correct Chrysalis by saying I wouldn't call Spike a LITTLE dragon any more. He's about a head taller than most ponies now! A bit on the lean side at the moment still, but he's been working on bulking up. He's even shown up at Wonderbolt HQ to use our top-of-the-line Exercise equipment!

Starlight: And it's ok Smoulder, remember that you have quite a long time to decide if you want to follow-up on your feelings for Spike. You know Dragons don't have marriages, right? You can ask Spike out whenever you feel like it, even if he already has a partner!

Smolder: ...Yeah, b-but... it's just... still... sooooo... e-e-embarrasing... 

Chrysalis couldn't help but laugh at this. As Smoulder got more embarrassed, the more the love she felt for Spike increased. Chrysalis could taste it all in the air, a better 'breakfast' than the egotistical love that she tasted when they came in.

Chrysalis: Mmm yes, keep thinking about him! Your flavor is so spicy! Fitting for dragons I suppose! Come now, embrace your feelings! It makes me happy to get a good meal~!

She did look a bit confused to hear that Spike had grown so much. She couldn't see him being the working out type.

Chrysalis: Seriously? He's that big? I just assumed he would stay short and stubby forever… you know...

She transforms into the Spike she remembers, just to taunt Smoulder

Chrysalis: More like this~

Smolder: h-h-Hey! I didn't have feelings for him back then! He was still only a little kid in dragon years! B-b-but... I-i... suppose now that we're both relatively young teens in dragon years... I have come to see him as more than just that nice little kid I knew...

T-t-though I don't even know Spike's current thoughts on romance. All I know is he used to have a crush on Rarity which I think he's gotten over by now. Maybe he's even taking a cue from his genie mom, and not taking interest in romance altogether currently.

Rainbow: Sometimes I feel like the moment Spike's ready for romance it could certainly solve some things. Maybe Rarity would go for Spike as he is now or sometime in the future, Smoulder could be there too, and honestly Spike and Gabby seem like they'd hit things off well enough too. Without marriages, dragons like Spike have ALL the options in the world!

I'd almost be jealous if I had any of these mushy feelings for anypony else. It'll take somepony that's faster than me before I settle down! And according to my calculations... that's an exact number of... ZERO ponies, heh! 

Chrysalis turns back to normal and laughs.

Chrysalis: I don't see the problem then. Have multiple partners. Problem solved. You dragons have a long enough life span, what's a few years to wait? And full freedom to spread their love far and wide? Seems like dragons and changelings have more in common than I once thought.

And as for you, Rainbow. So… that means you're perfectly fine with being alone? Interesting, you're quite different from Rarity that's for sure.

She snickered, thinking back to how she and Rarity had a similar conversation during her last lesson. 

Trixie: Sometimes it may just be better to be alone, this way nopony can hurt you! Besides, who can provide more love than oneself?

Starlight: Oh yeah... that's right, you're referring to your parents relationship... 

You're going to have to excuse us Chrysalis, we have a bit of another... tearjerking story to tell you so that you're all caught up with us. Trixie, do you want to tell Chrysalis the story about your parents, or shall I tell it?

Chrysalis sighed and sat down. 

Chrysalis: Fine fine, at this point I'm used to hearing your guests' stories... and you, Trixie right? I can only taste the love for yourself on you. So go ahead, what happened to you?

(Ponies and their melodramas I swear.. Not like I'm one to talk… but ugh… more family talk... I suppose I can relate)

Trixie looks at Starlight and nods.

Trixie: Trixie... may need some assistance… Starlight. Only if Trixie cannot handle it herself. You see, Trixie has always aimed to be the greatest magician in all of Equestria.

Chrysalis: And I'm guessing like the others here, you achieved your goals through hard work and determination? You talk so highly of yourself so I can only assume this is the case.

Trixie: ...No... Trixie has struggled much of her life to attain that goal. Trixie boasts and brags because it allows her to lie to herself enough until she believes her own lie. But you see, Trixie wanted to be somewhat like her father… well in a sense… Trixie doesn't want his personality...

Starlight: I'll start off with who Trixie's mother is, she's a unicorn pony living in Canterlot named Dandy Lion. Trixie is quite close to her mother, if there's one pony Trixie loves more then herself it's probably her. Her father, Jack Pot on the other hoof... Trixie didn't even get to know him. He abandoned them when Dandy became pregnant, breaking her heart in the process. Dandy was left to take care of Trixie all on her own in Canterlot. While Jack Pot was living it up in Las Pegasus.

Sometime in her early childhood, Trixie picked up remnants of what was left in her home from her father and became interested in becoming a magician. Dandy Lion supported Trixie on her desired career, even if it was the very profession of her former husband that broke her heart. Trixie would eventually find out her father herself is a magician, though instead of using that as a reason to stop pursuing that career. She used it as motivation, to one day have magic shows so popular that Las Pegasus would be begging to invite her, and she could then outright challenge her father and confront him. Show him that she's become a better magician then he could ever hope to be, and scold him for not showing his face to either her or her mother again for so many years, without a clear explanation.

The only problem of course is that Las Pegasus is the most prestigious attraction around. Some shows that are popular in Manehattan don't even make it to Las Pegasus. Trixie would have to work her way from the ground up, and when she failed to captivate what she saw as a simple village like Ponyville... Trixie began to realize how much of a mountain she had to climb to get anywhere close to matching up with her father. Luckily, she had Twilight first before she met me for magic lessons. The both of us helped improve Trixie's shows to some of the most dazzling displays of stage magic anypony has ever seen. And eventually, Trixie finally got that long desired call from Las Pegasus.

Trixie: Trixie's mother… I... She tried her hardest to raise me. Supporting me even on my lowest moments… but what Starlight said is correct. In a world of magic, having a successful stage show enough to catch Las Pegasus’ attention is quite the feat...

She stands tall, trying to boost her ego

Trixie: B-but the great and powerful Trixie was not going to let a simple challenge be her downfall. With the assistance of her friends… I finally got my chance… to humiliate my deadbeat of a father.

Chrysalis had gotten used to listening to these stories… she even got better with empathizing. Familial drama seems to be a big constant. The thought of abandoning a child… it does make her think about what she did to 'protect' Ocellus and even Pharynx or Thorax. But she did it for their sake and the hive...

Chrysalis: So you humiliated your father in front of everyone and got your revenge and thus you moved on?

Trixie: Not… exactly… things were… more complicated.

Starlight: After years of trial and error, and her friendships with me and Twilight to further her skill. Trixie may not have been born with me or Twilight's raw power, but part of the idea of stage magic is how seamless you can make your tricks look to the eyes of audiences. Even an average unicorn can effectively learn to wow audiences with enough practice and guidance.

On the stage set Trixie's show was set to go directly after her fathers. But in a sudden move, Trixie instead interrupted her father's show and challenged him to a magician's duel. At first the CEOs of the theater were a bit livid that Trixie started performing ahead of schedule. But then they realized the idea that a sudden magician duel would draw the attention of the crowd more than anything else. So they quickly re-arranged things to make it look like this was the plan the entire time.

And thus, a duel between a father and his daughter began in earnest.

Chrysalis got a bit more interested now. Leaning in closer.

Chrysalis: Oh? A true competition to show who is the best? Or to use your own phrase, great and powerful?

It was strange, when Chrysalis said it, she sounded nearly identical to Trixie.

Trixie: Yes well… Trixie's father was no slouch. But it was not the duel that was the true challenge... Trixie's emotions had gotten the better of her during the fight… he didn't recognize who Trixie was until… my mother's name was dropped by me. Everything changed. The crowd at the time knew it too, they thought it was some scripted challenge, a way to spice things up, which… now that Trixie thinks of it out of that context… that would make for an interesting show...

She shakes her head, trying to stay focused

Trixie: But Trixie would come to realize, Jack Pot wasn't the villain Trixie thought him to be...he broke my mother's heart and I will never forgive that but… the situation wasn't so one sided...

Starlight: It was a hard fought duel where neither had the edge for the majority of the contest. While Jack Pot had heard of Trixie and even noticed a suspiciously similar color scheme to him. He did not think Trixie was the daughter he abandoned, he dismissed her as simply an obsessed fangirl that went out of her way to look just like him, and was just an upstart copycat that could never beat the original.

As the duel progressed though, her father realized Trixie was no mere copycat. He got more curious about who exactly Trixie was as she matched him trick-for-trick. The duel went on for a dazzling spectacle of magic for an entire half hour that mesmerized the crowd. The crowd themselves got in on the contest as some cheered for Jack as longtime fans, while some cheered for Trixie as they saw her as the brave underdog. This would go on, up until… as Trixie said… she name dropped her mother's name. 

As soon as Jack Pot heard that name, the duel went to a standstill. And Trixie and her father simply just started talking. And it wouldn't be long, before Jack Pot finally realized it: Trixie was his daughter. The one Dandy was pregnant with at the time. 

Chrysalis: ...and I imagine you worked things out, sang a song about it and put on a show together?

Trixie couldn't help but chuckle at this even if this was a more serious matter for her.

Trixie: Must you make a snarky comment after everything? Heh… to be fair, that does sound like something that would happen. No, once the truth… and the tears came out. Trixie would soon learn of her father's past, why he left… and… Trixie… Trixie actually understands his reasoning… in a way, he was still loyal to us… so we wouldn't get hurt in the long run…

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. Feeling like there was more to this now

Trixie: Jack Pot was afraid of responsibility and Trixie thought that was the sole reason he ran. But he was being blackmailed by his boss at the time he got my mother pregnant. Had he stayed with us… we would be under constant threat of the ones squeezing him...

Starlight: Jack Pot's one of the best magicians of all-time. His shows were so popular, a rich con pony by the name of Gladmane quickly worked on setting up a generous contract when he was a young celebrity that was just grateful for the support and had been fooled by Gladmane's supposedly "friendly" demeanor. Jack signed the dotted line without even reading all of the terms and conditions. Jack simply saw the money he would get per year and got so excited because he felt like he was going to be set for life. It even said it was a lifetime contract.

He was so excited that when he got back home to Dandy in Canterlot, the two had a party with just the two of them with some of the finest alcohol Jack could bring. And amidst their drunken stupor, they consummated in bed. Jack had not even realized he knocked up Dandy that night, it would take some weeks before he found out Dandy was pregnant. Dandy herself was shocked she got pregnant, but she had actually wanted a child for a while now and took initiative to try to get Jack to bear fatherly responsibilities. But Jack gave her the cold shoulder instead.

At around the same time he got the shocking news that his wife was pregnant. He also started to learn of the parts of the contract that he didn't read. While initially the idea of a lifetime contract sounded like good news to Jack, there was a fair share of catches to this including clauses that said Gladmane had the full option to pull funding and blacklist Jack's shows from nearly all venues if he were to ever fail to perform his magic show. For any reason outside of sickness and/or injury. And even then, the contract only granted him a total of 3 sick days for the entire year. no room for vacations, and an NDA that would also blacklist him if he broke it.

He initially tried to convince Dandy to move to Las Pegasus to negate this issue somewhat, but she refused. And it tore the seams of their relationship apart. Jack was forced to choose between being set for life with his dream job but under constant surveillance under Gladmane, or struggling financially with a damaged relationship with his wife and a child he wasn't ready for... 

Chrysalis went silent, hearing how ponies who seemed so friendly on the outset only to show their true colors later… it confirmed what she'd thought about them. Or at least… most ponies...

Chrysalis: ...so it was, a case of someone more powerful taking advantage of naivety... and fear of commitment from your father… as someone who set up plenty of similar schemes and villainous plots in my time… I can't say I'm not impressed… on a technical level… I'm more surprised that they kept it going for so long. I also fail to see how your father was as loyal as you claimed.

Trixie: Yes well… once the truth came out, Trixie and her father exposed Gladmane as we found that he did this to more ponies under his employment. It seems he'd skirted the line before legally speaking, but contracts like that along with threats… that's the evidence we needed to take him down for good. 

As for Trixie's father he… he actually was sending money anonymously to my mother… he wanted to keep us well afloat. This does not mean that Trixie and her father get along and we are a big happy family now… no… no, he has not earned that. We were still led to believe he abandoned us and in some ways he did. But… we're getting better. Trixie and her father… talk now. He's shown Trixie some spells of his and Trixie has shown off skills he could not do… so it's something.

Trixie smiles and wipes a tear from her eyes. 

Starlight puts an empathetic hoof on Trixie's shoulder. Knowing full well what it's like to have a complicated relationship with a father.

Rainbow: Ugggggh, types like Gladmane make me sick. I had my own pain in the flank when Wind Rider got me framed for a crime I didn't commit. Luckily for me, Rarity was a good detective but still, I can't stand manipulative jerks! Between ponies like him and Lightning Dust, the Wonderbolts have certainly raised the bar on required character to join. They can have all the flight skills in the world, but if there's any hint they aren't a team player and wouldn't look out for their squad mates. Then they are NOT Wonderbolt material! 

Scootaloo: The same rule went for the Waterbolts when they were created. We've got no time for jerks like that!

And Trixie...I get it, having issues with your dad, I mean I never got to see my folks that often. It's like they barely knew me when they did get to see me! I lived with my aunts most of my life...and thankfully I also had Rainbow act like a big sis to me. Sure it's different now, I'm all over the place too but we're at points in our lives that we can just go visit each other. Heck I can even go on adventures with them! Especially when they need to go underwater, as obviously that’s my expertise!

...But as a filly, it was just rough to not have a parent or parents around...

Chrysalis sat with her hooves together in front of her face… thinking.

Chrysalis: Family... it's always going back to family...

She muttered to herself. Her mind thinking back on the relationship she had with her own parents and her siblings...

Smolder: I admit I don't personally have a sad story about my relationship with my family, although my brother Garble might. He missed me so much when I started living in Ponyville to attend the School of Friendship.

Rainbow: Hehe, that was pretty funny to hear from you and Fluttershy. Garble was the head honcho of that group of dragons we saw bullying Spike when me, Twilight, and Rarity followed Spike to the dragon lands waaaaay back. That was even before the Canterlot wedding that Chrysalis crashed! Feels like such a LIFETIME ago, come to think of it! 

Chrysalis felt a bit weird for Rainbow to call her first major attempt at an invasion an old event. But then again all that time in stone may have messed with her concept of time. As she still feels like that was only a few years ago as opposed to the actual time frame.

But to hear that the big bully was just projecting onto Spike as a big softie? It still makes me chuckle to this day, although I will at least say he's a pretty good poet.

Starlight: Not even dragons are immune from the habits of a troubled teenager. Garble took one look at us ponies, and dragons who like ponies and says he's above our "friendship and rainbows", a toxic masculinity where being tough and looking down on the "weak" and "girly"  is all that matters.  When he finally matured a little and looked past his insecurities, he found more peace with sharing who he really was. He's even been known to come by the Friendship School every now and then to write poetry with Maud.

Trixie: Oh yes, Trixie sees Garble and Maud together often. Their poetry may clash in tone but they work well together at it. The poetry club has grown ever larger because of them!

Chrysalis just felt like the odd one out, hearing their conversations. They kept mentioning family… parents, siblings. It just made her internalize, go quiet. On the plus side, all of them showing love towards their families and friends gave her a nice meal. But she was still uncomfortable feeling this… introspection about her family again, she needed something to get her mind off it. That's when she looked to Rainbow Dash.

Chrysalis: So now that I see your loyalty to your friends, f-family and what have you, I need a change from these… ugh… these emotional endeavors! So... I want that race, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow smirked

Rainbow: You bet! Starlight, can we get the race started soon?

Starlight: Of course, of course. Though I admit, we're going to have to talk about how this race is going to work. If I recall correctly though, this hive does have a large chamber with a flight training course that Chrysalis made for her army. A sort of boot camp before her invasions. This will mean we have to risk taking Chrysalis out of her cell... (Again, at that...)  I'd understand if any of you have reservations on that idea.

Rainbow: Hmmmph, if Chrysalis decides to chicken out of the race by using it as an excuse to escape. That's fine by me, that just means I win by default! AND I can use my superior speed to get her back anyway~

Chrysalis grinned

Chrysalis: Ah yes, the training grounds. A perfect place to show what the queen can do. And don't fret about me trying to escape, I have no intention of running away. Not when I can prove my superiority~. You have my word.

She looked at Starlight directly, smirking a bit. Everypony in the room seemed skeptical of this.

Scootaloo: Your word huh... yeah...

Trixie: How good is your word anyway...?

Chrysalis: Do I detect some hesitance? Aren't you all great in your own skills? Could you not just capture me if I tried to run? Unless you're telling me you're all weak

She was trying to taunt them, get under their skin… and with this kind of group, it could definitely work.

Smolder: I sure hope you know what you're doing, Starlight... perhaps with your magic and Rainbow's speed we can make sure she doesn't run off on us. I could also use my fire breath as a warning shot. But otherwise this IS Chrysalis we're still talking about. Master of deception, manipulation, not to mention... who knows how much power she's gotten from this session alongside the last three sessions.

Starlight: Again, I understand all of your concerns. I may at least have a special guest already at the grounds there that has agreed to be an observer/referee for this race. She may give more of a reason for Chrysalis not to try leaving. But I think we'll be ok, I can see the competitive fire in Chrysalis' eyes. Even if she plans on escaping, she won't do it until she's completed this race at the very least. 

Trixie: The great and powerful Trixie will not let you escape if you try it. She will take you down if necessary!

Chrysalis rolls her eyes

Chrysalis: At least you have the sense to show some.... loyalty, Glimmer.

She chuckles as she transforms into the younger form of Rainbow Dash. Starlight was correct in her assumption though, Chrysalis has already done this before during a previous lesson. There was a spark in her eye, to prove she was better than anyone else. It happened during the evil laugh off too. Chrysalis was not going to lose to another member of the elements of harmony. Chrysalis spoke in Rainbow Dash's voice

Chrysalis: Alright, let me show you how a wonderbolt in her prime handles herself, old lady!

She gives off a smug look, trying to peeve off Rainbow before they even leave.

Rainbow: Oh I KNOW you just didn't call me old when I know you're a great grandmother to many of the baby changelings here! Nice try...

Rainbow sticks her tongue out

Chrysalis: Ah while that may be, notice that I have not aged a day since you last saw me, and even if I did get those years added on, I'd still be in my prime! You however, that's not the case~!

Starlight just rolls her eyes and opens the barrier to allow Chrysalis in the form of a younger Rainbow to step out. She winks at Rainbow Dash, enjoying how easy it is to set her off. She looks so smug, stepping out of the cell. 

Starlight: This form you're in is actually perfect for this race. It'll make sure the race is even from the start. Cause your length in your normal form may be an advantage in a close ending

Which reminds me... Scootaloo, can your projector double as a recording camera? We could get an instant replay if so

Rainbow: Like we'll even need it! It'll be clear as day that I won it with just your two eyes!

Chrysalis: Don't worry, I'll try to play by the rules. You may be surprised by my speed! I certainly hope you can keep up.

While Rainbow and Chrysalis are bantering, Scootaloo nods at Starlight.

Scootaloo: It sure can! This thing can capture every single moment in the finest detail! It'll capture Rainbow Dash's win for sure!

Chrysalis: I wouldn't be too sure, believe me, I've done my fair share of making claims I cannot backup. But this is not the case here! So enough of this! Glimmer, lead the way!

While it looked like Chrysalis was being a blowhard, maybe even regressing a bit, internally she… was getting very excited for a challenge, for a race. 

Starlight leads the group higher up until they reach an expansive chamber with a spiraling running track, as well as sturdy stalagmites and stalactites used as obstacles for the training course. There was also a separate cave in this section that was new to Chrysalis, where it included exercise equipment like weights and treadmills, along with food and drink dispensers. What was once a chamber used for bulking up and preparing her army seems to have become more of a recreation center. With no invasion on the horizon, it was now a place simply for the more athletically-inclined Changelings to keep themselves in shape.

Chrysalis: Hm, seems other things have been added to make this place… more… friendly... At least the course is still up to the standards I set for my changelings...

This did sound a bit funny given that she was using Rainbow's voice. Though Chrysalis lets out a sharp gasp as her keen eyes pick up who their special guest was.

Soon, the mentioned special guest that Starlight mentioned is visible to everybody there. It's none other than Ocellus who waves to the group, while holding up a checkered flag with her magic.

Smolder: OCELLUS!

The orange dragon immediately flies up to one of her best friends.

Smolder: Heh! I should have figured you were who Starlight meant! Give it here!

Smolder raises her hand, and Ocellus happily gives her a hoofbump. Or rather a hoof-to-claw bump

Trixie: Ah, Ocellus! Trixie hopes you're doing well. You know the students always speak highly of you!

Scootaloo: Aw yeah! Good to see ya Ocellus! It's been a while huh?

Ocellus: It’s very nice to see all of you, again!

Chrysalis was stunned. After what happened during the last session, Chrysalis wasn't sure Ocellus wanted to see her again so soon. Even if things were amicable… then again, Ocellus was the real reason why Chrysalis didn't escape fully. So it makes sense she'd be there as insurance. She grumbled as Rainbow saw this as a taunting opportunity. She also didn't want to acknowledge that Starlight was absolutely right with her reasoning.

Rainbow Dash looks toward Chrysalis with a smirk

Rainbow: Oh, I see what Starlight's doing. In the case you attempt to leave, you'll look like a coward right in front of your own precious daughter~

Chrysalis: Oh... so you admit the only way you could win is if I forfeit? Well, I certainly have bad news for you. I will crush you in this competition.

Starlight shakes her head

Starlight: Ehhh...  Rainbow, it’ more so intended to further motivate her. while I'm sure she is already quite motivated for this… The chance to show Ocellus she's still got it must provide more of a reason to try and win this race.

Anyway, Rainbow and Chrysalis. I'll let you two decide how many laps you'll be taking before the winner is decided. Or any other conditions to this race. We've already talked about Chrysalis being the same size as Rainbow for fairness. And in a similar vein, no mid-race transformations either. But if there are other conditions you want to consider, you can talk it out before we start the race. 

Chrysalis: So… the rules then? Since you're the wonderbolt captain, why don't you lay down the conditions then? That way you cannot accuse me of making up something you could justify as  'cheating' 

Rainbow: Hmm... I feel with the speed this race could go in. We would need a significant amount of laps. I might be thinking... at least 50 laps to determine the winner. And oh yeah, I don't think Starlight's mentioned this yet when she was talking to me about the rules of this race before I got here. But no dirty tricks such as kicking dirt off the walls and into my face, or hitting me with a punch or kick. Ocellus will be watching our every move with her excellent sight. If you're caught interfering with me, you can be disqualified. Same goes for me if I try something on you. But I promise I'm all for a fair race

At the very least, just like how you can't transform mid-race. I promise I won't use my Sonic Rainboom. It's probably not safe to use inside the hive anyway. Might scare the changelings up top that an Earthquake was happening. I may have used the Sonic Rainboom to win a fair share of contests early in my life, but in this case I'll count it as an illegal move. But I probably won't need it, anyway~

Chrysalis: Agreed, no physical obstructions, I see you trying to accuse me, but I don't want to see you attempting some sad, desperate display when you find yourself in the dust… but verbal banter will still fly, yes? And the lap count is fine, 50 is more than fair enough. I promise to play fair, as long as you do the same.

She snickers, it still feels like Chrysalis might be one to play dirty but they have to take her on her word. Just as every other previous guest has had to do.

Chrysalis: And you'd better not use that blasted rainboom technique if you know what's good for you... Any damage to the integrity of the hive, and I'll just take you down myself. I don't care if they turn me to stone after. Now will you need a head start? I believe ponies find it kind to be respectful of their elders~

Chrysalis sneers as Rainbow rolls her eyes and crosses her hooves when she taunts her about her age again

Rainbow: Oh come on! I'm not old! mid-30's is still very much part of an active Pony's prime years! Spitfire had some of her best performances when she was the age I am now!

But on a more serious note, you shouldn't even worry about my Rainboom, even if the hive wasn't at risk. Just the sound alone of the boom would reverberate through this chamber and that could seriously hurt everybody's ear sockets, especially yours and Ocellus'. Maybe I've been a bit of a blowhard to you, but I'm not one to risk hurting anyone I didn't intend to.

Chrysalis: Well… I'm glad you realize that...

Rainbow: But regardless... yes! Of course smack talk is allowed during the race. That's the fun part!~

Internally, Chrysalis is far more happy to hear that she's not so foolish as to damage the hive or the other changelings. She did however smirk at Rainbow's other comments. If anything this is the most fired up Chrysalis has been! Not even since she became freed from stone but in general, at least to the others! This was different from the excitement she used to get from her villainous deeds, this felt more… genuine. Like she was really getting into the spirit of competition.

Chrysalis: Glad to know we do agree on something, the back talk is absolutely a fun part to these competitions! At least someone gets it!

And whatever you say Rainbow Dash, let's just get into position!

As soon as everyone else heard that, they all did the same. Scootaloo set up the camera to record, Trixie went to the side to spectate, having brought some popcorn from the snack area. And Chrysalis stood at the starting line, doing some last minute stretches.

Smolder: Counselor Trixie, mind passing some of that Popcorn my way? I'm not missing this for a second!

Meanwhile, Rainbow herself does some stretching as Chrysalis does, she also takes off her captain's jacket. It almost looked like a mirror between the two, even if Chrysalis took the form of Rainbow Dash as she looked 10 years ago. The only way to tell the two apart was the mane style, as Rainbow's still adopting a cut similar to Spitfire.

Starlight steps closer to start the countdown

Starlight: Alright racers! Get set on the starting line and good luck! I will start the race on the count of 10! Are the both of you ready?

Rainbow smirks toward Starlight, before facing forward

Rainbow: I'm ALWAYS ready~

Trixie passes some popcorn over to all spectators, it seems she was prepared ahead of time. They all watch as Chrysalis and Rainbow stretch one last time before getting into position. They can all see the genuine determination on Chrysalis’ face. 

Chrysalis: I will not lose, not in my own domain!

Something about this felt like deja vu, being at the starting line of a race within the hive...but she couldn't focus on it now, her goal was winning this race, proving her superiority! As soon as she heard Starlight yell go, she'd dart off.

Starlight: Ok! Then without further adieu...

10...

9....

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1....

...

...

…

GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Chrysalis speeds off in a way that would surprise the others, she was not just hyping herself up, she was actually quite speedy for someone who's been trapped in stone for the last few years. Of course she knows the course like the back of her hooves having made the original herself. The feeling of the wind against her face, this is the most freedom she's had since getting turned back from her stone prison.

Scootaloo: Woah, okay, Chrysalis came to play! I thought she'd be winded after one lap! Guess she does know a thing or two about flying. But Rainbow's totally got this! You can do it, Rainbow Dash! Show her what the 'bolts are made of!!

Trixie: Well now, Trixie had a feeling Chrysalis was more than bluster!

Smolder: Whoooooa! My gosh!  Hey Ocellus, If it weren't for the fact she tried to take over the world like... three times. I'd be comfortable telling you your mom's pretty cool... but I suppose that's weird to say.

Ocellus gives an understanding nod

Ocellus: I get that... but hey, I think these sessions have been legitimately working. You'll be more than free to say she's cool when our family's back together for good!

As the two's speed flurries across the course it's not long before 10 laps have gone by.

Chrysalis: You'd best not disappoint me, Dash! I want to see a real challenge! Don't tell me you're going soft on your training!

Rainbow: Ha! You don't know me if you think I've stopped training now that I'm the captain! The rookies need to look up to the best, you know when Spitfire made her decision to retire some years back? It was after she challenged me to a 1-on-1 race not too different from this, and when I won by a hooftip at the finish line... she put a hoof on my shoulder. And told me, I was the best now. And she pinned her captain's badge on my flight suit, symbolically passing the torch!

The group watched on in shock as Chrysalis was indeed able to keep up at the beginning. Darting around the obstacles and keeping her speed. It really did look like Rainbow was racing her younger self.

Trixie: ...woah ...Trixie was not expecting any of this! How exciting, if only Trixie had placed some bets on who'd win!"

Scootaloo: I guess this is why she could always get away so quickly...Chrysalis has been a speedster and we never knew! Kind of a shame she was going around being evil!

Chrysalis wasn't hearing any of the chat from the group below, she was focused on the race. The feeling of the wind in her face, the banter with Rainbow Dash… it all felt… nostalgic. 

Chrysalis: Hah! So you're saying I'll be the next captain then when I beat you!? The Queen of the Wonderbolts? Heh, I hope you don't mind if I change those gaudy outfits to a more jet black attire!

Back in the stands, Smolder actually likes the idea of a quick bet.

Smolder: It's not too late, Counselor Trixie. Let's make a fun little wager! If you win, I'll do cleaning duty for your office for a month and a supply of peanut butter crackers for that long too. If I win though, you'll be my manicurist and you'll mine some tasty gems for me for that same amount of time.

As for who I pick, my bet's on Professor Dash. Chrysalis' is surprising me with her speed already, but I can't imagine any bug that's been in stone for a decade's going to beat the more active Wonderbolt! I bet she's just toying with Chrysalis right now. If you need help finding those tasty gems, I'm sure Professor Maud will be able to assist you~

As the lap count turns closer to 20, the speed of the two competitors reach ever higher. if a pony blinks the two are almost nearly a half-lap away when they open their eyes. The only one that can keep a good eye on the both of them are Ocellus with her keen eyes.

Trixie: Oh, so it's like that then! Fine, Trixie accepts your wager! You'd better be ready with those crackers especially! Trixie feels that Chrysalis has more to give. Call it a hunch, but she's definitely got more power in her! Chrysalis knows the course, Rainbow Dash doesn't!

Scootaloo rolled her eyes seeing the two bet on this, knowing in her heart that Rainbow had this one… though Chrysalis was pretty impressive at the start here. Chrysalis and Rainbow were too focused on the race to care about some bet.

Rainbow meanwhile smirks toward Chrysalis

Rainbow: Ha, even if you do win. I figure you'd have more important things to do. But I'll admit, you're quite impressive. Though if I know you... you're actually holding back, aren't you? Well, that's ok... because so am I!

Chrysalis: Oh you noticed, I thought I was just being courteous! Isn't that what you ponies want out of me?

She asks in a more sarcastic manner. Rainbow can see the genuine enjoyment Chrysalis seemed to be having with this race.

Chrysalis: But since you don't want me holding back, I'll gladly leave you in my dust!

Both Chrysalis and Rainbow Dash pick up speed, the two of them leaving rainbow trails behind them.

The race soon hit it's halfway point

Starlight: The race is already halfway done! What incredible speed! No matter who wins, both of you should be proud!

Ocellus next to Starlight marvels at the sight of Rainbow and Ocellus' who smiles, giggles, and cheers for both competitors

Ocellus: Go Professor! Go Mom!

Smolder: C'mon, Professor Dash! You can't let that pompous queen beat you!

The cheers for both racers, especially that of her daughter, begins to trigger a feeling of... nostalgia? Which briefly makes her slow down, before shaking her head and quickly catching back up to Rainbow. But this didn't get unnoticed by the experienced Wonderbolt as she smirks.

Rainbow: Oh? Are you running out of gas, Chrysalis? I'd understand... there's still quite a bit of race to go. If you're getting tired, you're more than free to quit now.

Otherwise, it's high time you show me if your exoskeleton is a beetle shell or a tortoise shell!

Rainbow chuckles, mostly referring to her dear pet tortoise Tank back home

The moment Rainbow had said those words though drew Chrysalis even further back. 

Chrysalis: What… what did you say...?!

In her mind, mixed with the cheers of the spectators, she could hear echoes of her past of the cheers from changeling bystanders, her family, particularly her sister's cheers, and the voice of another changeling Chrysalis she once considered to be a friendly rival.

???: Can't spell Mt. Thrace without race, come on! Is that a beetle shell or a tortoise shell on your back?!

Trixie: Don't give her an inch, Chrysalis! Trixie is counting on you to win for her! Delicious snacks are at stake!

Scootaloo: Come on Rainbow, show her a little dash! Show her the full power of the wonderbolts' captain!

The sudden wave of nostalgia… the cheering… it was all coming back to her now. Arista cheered her on as she raced. Chrysalis gasped as Rainbow triggered another memory within her. It was like looking back into the past, the same view of her trailing behind, the same taunt. Her horn flashed as she transformed back into herself.

Chrysalis: I'll show you who's the tortoise around here! You're gonna lose this time, Spur!"

She darts past Rainbow Dash, laughing, but not in a maniacal way. Though this transformation would be considered as Chrysalis breaking the rules. Which of course made Trixie groan.

Trixie: OH COME ON! You had ONE JOB, Chrysalis! Trixie's not going to ever forgive you for this!

Smolder: HA! Alright counselor, you better be ready to trim these claws next week!~

Still a bit in her memories, Chrysalis continues talking

Chrysalis: Come on?! I thought you had more in you than that! So much for being the fastest huh!? Come on, slowpoke! Give me a challenge!

Though her focus is broken soon by the realization that she had transformed in the middle of the race

Starlight gasped as Chrysalis transformed back. Rainbow actually stopped moving for a moment, actually heading back toward where Chrysalis was. She could declare victory right now if she wanted simply by telling Starlight and Ocellus to declare it over, but she decided that she had other plans. She looked Chrysalis in the eye who was no doubt worried that this would be an instant loss for her. She leans over to Chrysalis ears and whispers

Rainbow: I'm not letting some stupid rules end it like this. This is too fun, I don't even care if I lose because of this. This is no way to end a race...

Rainbow physically shoves Chrysalis left and right, and acting a little bit like Rarity as she over-acts and winks when they're out of the view of the spectators

Rainbow: Oh noooooo! I accidentally flew into Chrysalis, shoving her! A blatant violation of the rules! I guess that means we offset, and start this lap all over again!

A certain dragon's mouth drops the lowest it can

Smolder: WHAAAAAT?! NOOOOO!

Chrysalis was getting to see how Rainbow Dash had grown from the mare she brushed off as simply an egotistic show-off that would take their wins no matter how it was done. This was one of the few times Chrysalis actually felt a real connection with one of the Elements of Harmony. She sort of liked the early part of Fluttershy's but the sudden appearance of Discord soured the kindness session for her, and the other sessions to this point either had the humiliating loss to Pinkie or the talk with Thorax and her failed escape. 

She thought she was going to regret seeing Rainbow Dash nearly as much as she did with Pinkie during that first session with guests. But as it turned out, Rainbow's been arguably her favorite thus far. She's smack talked with her prior to and during the race, but for someone like Chrysalis that's just all part of the fun of the competition. And it helped that this very atmosphere felt the most familiar to her then at any point.

And now that Rainbow was giving her another chance, when she could have easily left Chrysalis with yet another loss in a long string of them to Equestria. Chrysalis felt like her ice cold heart was thawing. That said, she does also give Rainbow a smug look as if to tell her that she'll regret giving her this chance. As although she's thankful for the save, it only makes her more determined to win.

Meanwhile, Starlight and Ocellus are stunned at what transpired. They just looked at each other before shrugging.

Starlight: Well... both of you get back to the starting line to start over this lap then...

Smolder: Hang on a moment! Didn't Chrysalis break the rules first?!

Rainbow shoots a glare to Smolder

Rainbow: This isn't about some silly rules nor is it about your dumb bet, she didn't transform in order to cheat! We still have a race to finish, and that's final!

Smolder looked understandably disappointed. But she slumps over and gives up.

Smolder: Ugh, fine....

Scootaloo knows that look in Rainbow's face though, she knows how much fun she's having with this race. Trixie cheers as Rainbow 'cheats' as well. Chrysalis snaps back to reality, realizing what she was just doing and what Rainbow had just done for her. Of all ponies, especially one of the elements to connect to, she never thought it'd be Rainbow Dash. This opportunity was not lost on her. As they set back up for the lap. She smirks to the group

Chrysalis: As much as it may shock you, I agree with Rainbow Dash here. This is a race I intend to win! And finish it, we will! You, orange one...Scootaloo? Make sure that camera of yours is still working, I want you to know when I win!

Chrysalis laughs before looking back to Rainbow Dash as they dart back off.

Chrysalis: I hope you don't mind, but I intend on winning as myself!

Trixie: YES YES YES! THE CRACKERS ARE BACK ON THE TABLE FOR TRIXIE!

It's still neck and neck as they race, reaching up to that final lap. The rules they put in place, right now, it's all just a blur. Their focus was on the enjoyment of the race itself. But Chrysalis still wanted to win, that memory of her, and her siblings....it inspired her in a way she hadn't felt in a long time.

As the final laps come around, Rainbow just has one question for Chrysalis

Rainbow: Say, I overheard you call me... what was it... Spur? Was that some sort of changeling slang for something?

Chrysalis stumbles a bit at the question, but she's still focused on the race.

Chrysalis: It… It was a slip of the tongue! I've… been having a few of those as of late! It's not slang… you just… reminded me of someone! Someone from long ago! My… my brother! You and him… are a lot alike!

Even Chrysalis couldn't believe she'd admitted that. But perhaps being in that mindset of reliving a memory from long ago, a positive memory at that, it made her more willing to talk. The final lap was approaching.

Chrysalis: But I won't let that similarity allow history to repeat itself! I will win this time!!

Everypony watched as the two neared the finish line. Scootaloo had her eyes on her camera, even with her confidence in Rainbow Dash, the fact that it was this close had her sweating.

Rainbow Dash says no more, she doesn't want to win just because she distracted Chrysalis with something clearly dear to her. Now at the final stretch, both of them give it their all and speed up to a max speed. Or at least in Dash's case the fastest she can without risk of making a Sonic Rainboom. Even with the rules mostly tossed aside, she maintains a loyalty and protection of her friends and even her opponent's sensitivities.

It's only a mere seconds later when both have crossed the finish line, they both skid their hooves on the ground as the race finishes. They wait for any confirmation from those watching to give a sign who won. However, it was not clear who won to anyone's naked eye. 

Starlight: ...Ocellus, I don't suppose you caught who won this when I didn;t?

Ocellus just shakes her head

Ocellus: No... they came by way too fast even for me!

Most of the spectators looked around in confusion and wondered if it was actually possible that they had raced to a draw somehow. Starlight turns to Scootaloo.

Starlight: Alright Scootaloo, this is the situation we needed the camera for. If not even Ocellus could see who won then none of us would be able to tell, so we're going to need to project the slow motion view onto the wall.

Everyone in the room waits in anticipation for the footage to roll.

Chrysalis was breathing heavily… and laughing. She didn't even care right now if she won or not. She was still in her memories. Thinking of how it always ended in a draw between her and her brother.

Trixie: Please… please tell Trixie that Chrysalis won! Those peanut butter crackers won't provide themselves! That was too fast even for someone as great and powerful as I!

Scootaloo: H-hang on, hang on, it's coming in now!

Scootaloo was trembling as the camera began to project the last moments of the race in slow motion. Her jaw dropped… as Chrysalis won by a nose...

Scootaloo: No… way...

The footage was plain to see and it was actually clean. No sense that Chrysalis was using her longer length to win. Rainbow's own nose was just a few centimeters behind the end of Chrysalis' own. This was about as fair as it could get despite the length difference.

The whole room gasps as they see the frame that clearly shows that Chrysalis' nose broke through the line first

Rainbow looked disappointed, as she looked downward. But she recovers soon, she used to hate losing more than anything. But in her experience, a loss is only a motivator to improve. She looks Chrysalis in the eyes. and offers a hoof shake after an exhilarating race.

Rainbow: Congratulations, Chrysalis. You beat me fair and square. If you weren't a royal with more important responsibilities once you return to being amongst your subjects  again. I'd seriously offer a spot on the Wonderbolts to you at the very least. But if nothing else, I want to race against you again. It's been a long time since I've had a real challenge like that. I'll win next time~

Meanwhile in the stands...

Smolder: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ugh, this bites... I'm not upset that Rainbow stuck to her morals as I've always respected it ever since I was her student...  but pardon me if I'm salty over this bet... especially as I'm cleaning your office, Counselor Trixie... 

Trixie was the one dancing around happily as if she was the one racing.

Trixie: YESSSSSS THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE KNOWS HOW TO PICK A TRUE WINNER!! But… tell you what, Smoulder. Trixie is feeling generous. You do not have to clean Trixie's office for a month. Trixie only wants the month's supply of peanut butter crackers.

Smolder: I suppose I can deal with that, Counselor. Thanks for being lenient

They would think that Chrysalis would gloat, parade around at how great she was… but she didn't do that. She was laughing, sure, but it seemed more genuine. She looked like she just had the time of her life, with that smile on her face.

Chrysalis: Ha! Well if I were anything other than what I am, then I might have taken you up on the offer. But with Rarity's sister asking me to join her metal band in my last session and now you, I'd have no time to run the hive.

She snickered.

Scootaloo: Sweetie asked you to WHAT?!

Chrysalis does shake Rainbow's hoof.

Chrysalis: I know I only won because you still needed to hold back though, next time I'll have to show my superiority over that sonic rainboom of yours. Best train up, Dash. I'll be waiting

Rainbow gives a confident smile towards Chrysalis as she puts her captain's jacket and sunglasses back on.

Rainbow: Of course! Next time we race it can be in Cloudsdale, possibly even straight at Wonderbolt HQ. That way I'LL have the homefield advantage. And much more space to fly. For now though, you earned this victory. I know you still have at least two more lessons to go before you're free. But you're much more awesome than I thought. 

I'll admit I once saw you as simply a "Queen of the Spies” that hid behind their massive army and can only be powerful if you feed off love from us. But after today, not to mention getting to know many of your children like Ocellus over the years, I know you're much more than that.

Sure, you've tried to take over Equestria multiple times. But between having other friends that tried to start a reign of eternal night, had a reign of chaos, and began a cutie mark cult along with time traveling...

Rainbow turns to Starlight

Rainbow: ...No offense

Starlight sighs and shrugs

Starlight: None taken

Rainbow: ...I'm sure you'll fit in just fine. 

Chrysalis: Good, so then you won't have any wiggle room to complain when I dominate the skies there too! I'll give you some credit as well, I've been dreading this lesson as I thought you'd all be insufferable… that you'd all be egotistical blowhards… but it seems we've got more in common than I thought. I think you've reawakened a part of me that's been dormant for a good while. But don't think I'll ever go easy on you in the future.

The group laughs as Chrysalis is trying to be nice in her own way. Still trying to be stubborn or be tough… but this group especially knows what she really means. Scootaloo shook her head at Starlight's question.

Rainbow: Oh! And before I forget, you don't have to just race me when you get out of here. If you're any confident in your swimming ability, I'm sure Scootaloo would love a challenge from you. What do you say, Scoots? 

Chrysalis smirks back at Rainbow

Scootaloo: I suppose the Prancific ocean isn’t too far off from here, I’d ask for a race now, but it wouldn't be fair to take her on after such a race. Next time though, we can see who's transformed state is better in a race of our own!

Trixie: And we will need to have a magic duel to see if the great and powerful Trixie can best the queen of the changelings!

Chrysalis: I'll be sure to swim circles around you, and best you in magic! You forget how long I've been in this game! Perhaps I should be the one to call myself great and powerful! I think it has a nice ring to it, the great and powerful Chrysalis~!

Smolder: You know, if not for that echo-y filter Chrysalis has, her voice doesn't sound too off from yours, Counselor. I bet she'd make the perfect body double in a "disappearing" act in your next magic show!

Trixie and Chrysalis look at each other and back at Smolder

Trixie & Chrysalis: She sounds nothing like me! My voice is one of a kind!

They looked back at each other as it just sounded like them speaking in stereo. 

Chrysalis: That is... bizarre...

Trixie: Freaky...

Starlight gasps just remembering something Rainbow said earlier

Starlight: Wait... Rainbow Dash, didn't you say earlier that you'd wait until somepony comes along faster than you before you start thinking about romance... you don't think... you might be falling for Chrysalis... do you?

Rainbow's eyes go wide as Starlight recalls what she said earlier, Starlight almost expects her to blush and deny it. But then Rainbow simply puts a hoof to her mouth, stifling a giggle before she could hardly contain it

Rainbow: BWAH HA HA HA HA HA! Are you serious, Starlight?! I was joking! If all it took for me was one loss in a race  or any other kind of competition to fall for somepony, I'd have already married Applejack by now! It's simple respect between competitive rivals, and hopefully soon... friends. And nothing more.

As they have that moment of realization, Chrysalis' attention is snapped to Starlight and Rainbow Dash. She feigns being hurt by the rejection

Chrysalis: Oh, you wound me! And here I thought our love would blossom and.....pfft, HAHAHA! No, not in your life! While I'll say you've really matured, Rainbow Dash, this is not an avenue I want to go down. Especially with who I compared you to during our race!

Chrysalis laughs, thinking about her brother, Spur once again.

Chrysalis: You've even got that same competitive… yet loyal spirit he once had...

Even Ocellus chimes in a laugh.

Ocellus: Hehehe Starlight, I could have told you myself if they were actually having chemistry of that kind. But nah, this is far away from romantic love. Just the spicy, fiery aroma between two competitors who have mutual respect for each other's abilities and personality

Regardless, congratulations Mom! I could tell you were having fun out there. Don't know if you two heard me, but I cheered both of you on! I could see you two were having fun. And that's more important than getting the win.

As Ocellus smiles in front of Chrysalis, she could feel more flashbacks come to her as she was recalling her memories of Spur. She now also had the closest counterpart to her sister reborn as her daughter. And while there weren't others in the room that were all that similar to her other family. The gabble from multiple conversations going at once she hears from the group could nonetheless remind her of a small crowd of changelings watching her race with her brother too. For a moment the image of Spur and Arista replacing where Rainbow Dash and Ocellus stood in Chrysalis' eyes, she stumbles backward, looking away from the group. Which got a collective gasp from the group as they watched the queen act strangely.

Chrysalis smiled at Ocellus when her daughter did the same… but as her memories kept flashing back into her mind. She just kept seeing her siblings… the ones she genuinely loved within Ocellus and in Rainbow Dash. 

There was a twinge in her heart as she stumbled back. It scared her… she clutched at her chest. Breathing a bit more heavily. Some tears rolled down her cheeks as she fully remembered. These were memories that she'd pushed deep down into the back of her mind, not because she didn't care, but because she didn't want to lose herself in them.

Starlight: Chrysalis?!

Ocellus: MOM?!

Starlight and Ocellus quickly trots on over to Chrysalis side, wondering what's gotten into her all of a sudden. She worries if maybe that race took a lot out of her. It's been years since she had ever needed to go as fast as she did, especially with being in stone for so long, she didn't know if maybe Chrysalis body was not quite conditioned for such an intense race so soon. Starlight's knowledge about changelings have included how best to treat them medically if problems come up, so she's on standby for any potential medical procedures she could need to perform if Chrysalis is having trouble breathing or anything. And Ocellus' is concerned as well at what she may think is a health issue too. 

Chrysalis: Arista… Spur… I...

She rubs her eyes, looking away from the group. The images of her siblings fade back to Rainbow Dash and Ocellus.

Chrysalis: (I… I miss them... Arista… Spur… we never did get to have another race… never did I think these ponies could make me see that… and allow my own daughter… to cheer for me… You two would have thrived during this time period…)

I… I'm fine, just some… some dust in my eyes!

For just a faint moment as she's rubbing her eyes, they can see Chrysalis' wings sparkle a bit, similar to how Thorax's did before he'd fully transformed. Though the sparkle in Chrysalis' wings is much dimmer. But Trixie and Starlight would recognize this. Trixie rushes over to Starlight and whispers.

Trixie: Look, look! Trixie believes this race triggered something in Chrysalis! You thinking what Trixie is thinking?

Chrysalis tries her best to hide her face using her long mane, but it's not long before Starlight spots something dripping from behind Chrysalis head. They had to be tears, it was clear now thankfully that Chrysalis was ok, it seemed she just had a bit of an emotional reaction at the scene before her that struck deep. And as Trixie points out, she does notice something happening with Chrysalis wings.

Starlight: (Her... her wings... it was just for a moment... but... it was like... Thorax's... before... before...)

Starlight knew now that this was a very pivotal moment. She doesn't know if she'll get another chance to continue to strike while the iron is hot like this so soon. Moments like this is what her and Trixie's experience as a counselor was meant for.

Starlight: Chrysalis... take some deep breaths. Take as much time as you need to calm yourself. And... if it would help... I'm willing to listen to everything that's on your mind. This race has clearly cut you deep emotionally. If there's anybody in the room you feel uncomfortable telling why that is. I can tell them to leave before you get into it. 

Only Trixie and Starlight had seen Thorax up close with the more sparkly wings but the others had a feeling something was happening with Chrysalis yet they chose not to bring it up, given how Starlight and Trixie are whispering.

Trixie: Could… could she be on the cusp of changing?

Starlight: I don't want to jinx anything, but it seems that way. I didn't think we'd get to this point quite this soon. But it's very promising. But let's try not to get too cocky, this is a sensitive situation here.

Chrysalis fully wiped her eyes clear of any tears before turning back to face them. The sparkling in her wings fading a bit as she composed herself. She didn't see Spur in Rainbow's place or Arista in Ocellus' place anymore.

Chrysalis: I'm… fine, Glimmer. I just… it's as I said to Rainbow Dash during our race. It's also why I transformed mid lap. She… she said something that made me think of family… of my brother, Spur. He and I… we used to race across Mt. Thrace when we were younger… and he spoke similarly to the way she did when he got competitive… down to the exact taunt honestly… I just needed a moment.

Starlight stays with quiet attention. Though a gasp can be heard from the entire room at the mention of Mt. Thrace

Rainbow: Mt. Thrace?! But that... how is that possible? That volcano along with the island it was on sank DEEP into the Prancific Ocean a long time ago! That is... that is... unless... 

Even in the usually less perceptive pegasus' mind the cogs began turning in her brain, realizing that... Chrysalis must have lost her family in whatever kind of disaster destroyed and sunk the island.

Rainbow: Oh no...

Rainbow takes off her sunglasses, a clearly sympathetic look turns toward Chrysalis.

Rainbow:  I... I am so sorry...

Ocellus herself maintains a concerned look. She had of course heard about this from her private talk with her mother the last time, though the location of where it all took place was certainly new. 

To Equestria's knowledge, the mysterious disappearance of Mt. Thrace and the island it stood on remained largely a mystery. It became a sort of mystical legend, where theories of a sophisticated civilization deep underground there abounded. Some even tried going where it sank, but could only find miles and miles of cooled volcanic rock and what was left of the island's volcano underwater. There were little to no clues as to what happened other than obviously a humongous volcanic eruption. But that’s not how volcanic eruprions usually work, it should have made the island bigger. Not sink into the ocean. So it stunned many Equestrian scientists for years, but it seems it's all connected to Chrysalis' past.

The location of the current hive suddenly made so much sense though. If Chrysalis is one of, or even the sole survivor, the hive is directly to the nearest coast to the right of where Mt. Thrace once stood.

Even dragons like Smolder were surprised to learn of the disappearance of an entire volcano. Being a dragon, that kind of spooked Smolder given volcanoes were very much homes for dragons like her.

Smolder: What... what were you and your family doing near such an active volcano?! A volcano is not a good place for any being that isn’t a dragon!

Chrysalis looked down and snarled a bit. Being one of the only creatures still around that had seen what happened to the mountain and those that lived there, she was still quite bitter. 

Chrysalis: You think I am not aware of that?! That being there was a dangerous endeavor!? But it was not my decision to have us live there!! We would have survived had it not been for...

She slammed her hoof on the ground, her horn crackled. It almost looked like she was about to attack the group… but she shakes her head. Looking away from the group.

Chrysalis: What happened then… it's none of your business. Mt. Thrace was our home… Once… that's all you need to know. You can guess what happened as a result... let's just go back to my cell, I do not wish to discuss this any further....

Trixie frowned at this but it was understandable that such a sensitive topic wouldn't be spoken about so easily, at least not to all of them. Potentially Ocellus and Starlight may have a better chance to get her to talk on her own.

Trixie: Well...there goes that chance...

Smoulder grimaces, she almost feels like she screwed this up.

Smolder: S.... Sorry, Starlight... if I spoke out of line...

Starlight shakes her head as she sighs.

Starlight: No, it's ok Smolder. I might have been a little too overconfident hoping Chrysalis would still be comfortable enough after the race to share more even with a few more friends here to hear it. She didn't tell any of you to leave when I asked about it... so I thought... maybe we'd warmed her heart to that degree.

But yes, let's escort Chrysalis back to her cell. It's almost time that we've finished up here.

Chrysalis sighed

Chrysalis: Do not apologize for something you didn't know, none of you could possibly understand… I… I… ugh...

The queen looked conflicted, like she wanted to say more and yet at the same time, she didn't want to say anything at all. They all went back to her cell in silence. Once inside, Chrysalis didn't struggle, she didn't put up any fight and went back to the cell willingly. Her back was turned to the group. They could still see a faint glimmer of the sparkles in her wings, a sign that she wasn't angry with them specifically, just angry with the memory being brought up. Though her tone did make her sound distant, like her mind was on something else entirely.

Chrysalis: I… I  need time to think on this. Rainbow Dash… I will still have my rematch with you someday… and you, Scootaloo, we too will have our own race… but right now… no… I don't have it in me. And for you, the one who sounds so much like me, we too will have our magic duel… but do not expect a win, any of you.

She tries to smirk, as if to brush off what happened. But it was clear the topic was still on her mind.

Rainbow's less concerned about the rematch as she is about Chrysalis herself. She's excited inside for the idea of a rematch, but knows Chrysalis still has a lot of emotion to get over before it happens.

Rainbow: Understood, Chrysalis. Just know that when you get out of here... I want to see you at your best, and I don't mean just your physical form. But mentally too, I know there's not a lot I can say that will help you instantly. But your mental health is just as important as your physical body, and I can tell you still have plenty of trauma locked up.

The good news is, coming up next you'll get to see one of my best friends who on some level has understood your pain and loss of beloved family. If there's anypony that can help you tackle this issue. It'll be her.

Chrysalis: I figured she'd be next. I've picked up on Glimmer's pattern of her… major guests at least. Of course Applejack is next. Twilight Sparkle is being saved for last. But don't worry about me, I can manage my own emotions… don't go thinking I've gone soft either! But… thank you.

Chrysalis chuckles while Trixie, and Scootaloo are just as concerned as the others.

Trixie: It won't be as fun if you're not fully in on it. As a counselor, Trixie knows you must take your true feelings into consideration, Chrysalis. Don't go hiding it on our behalf.

Scootaloo: Yeah! And Rainbow's right, Applejack can totally help you come to terms with any family stuff. I'm sure if anypony can help you out, it's definitely her!

Chrysalis: We'll just have to wait and see, won't we? Still I didn't think you lot would give me so much to look forward to… yet here we are.

She was still trying to mask her other feelings but this was a genuine statement from her too.

Starlight: (Not to mention that there will be 2 particular guests that will no doubt shock her to her very core... almost makes me want to bring in Spike right away. As I imagine I know what Chrysalis may want to do once she realizes Spirits are a thing.... if we can set up the Magic lesson to be a day after honesty though, all I'd have to do is hope Chrysalis can be patient for one more day)

Starlight writes some final notes in the Loyalty section of the binder, before closing it

Starlight: Alright, thank you Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Smolder, and Trixie for coming along. That ending was rather sudden, but overall… I think today was perhaps our most successful yet.

As the mood shifts to the goodbyes, Rainbow finally manages a smirk.

Rainbow: It was a pleasure, Starlight! Especially that race. Even though I lost, that was one of the best 1-on-1's I've ever had!

Smolder: I feel similarly even if I lost a bet, that was one exciting race.

Rainbow is suddenly struck with an idea, that might also help lighten the mood even if it's a little cheesy.

Rainbow: Everyone! Let's give our winner today some well-deserved cheers! Come on now! Chrys-a-lis! Chrys-a-lis! Chrys-a-lis!

Smolder and Ocellus joins in on Rainbow's pep rally esque call

Smoulder & Ocellus:  Chrys-a-lis! Chrys-a-lis! Chrys-a-lis!

Trixie, Scootaloo, and Starlight get in on it as they continue cheering Chrysalis' name.

Trixie, Scootaloo, and Starlight:  Chrys-a-lis! Chrys-a-lis! Chrys-a-lis!

Chrysalis shakes her head at how cheesy it is but she tastes a very different kind of love that she wasn't expecting from this group. One of camaraderie, it was a sweet tasting love. They saw the sparkles in her wings flicker a bit more from it. It actually made her laugh and smile a bit.

Chrysalis: Okay okay, that's enough! I'm going to lose my royal figure if you feed me too much love right now! Now go home, you've all done enough.

Rainbow and Smolder nod as Starlight hands the wonderbolt captain a portal gum to go back to Ponyville.

Rainbow: Goodbye for now, Chrysalis! I promise we'll meet again, I don't know if our next meeting will be our rematch exactly. But we'll see how things play out from here. I have every confidence in you as well as Starlight to safely bring you on good terms once and for all with us.

Trixie: The great and powerful Trixie will be more than happy to give you the honor of seeing her again in the future! We will have our glorious magic duel and you'd best be ready!

Scootaloo: That goes double for our race too! I know you'll be able to get out and see the world too!

Trixie and Scootaloo would follow Rainbow and Smolder into the portal. Smolder simply waves goodbye though she does turn toward Trixie before she walks out

Smolder: So...is there a particular brand of Peanut Butter crackers you prefer? Or is just any ok?

Trixie: Oh any brand is fine, just be sure to have that full amount ready~!

Before Starlight and Ocellus could leave, Chrysalis spoke up, looking more seriously at them.

Chrysalis: Wait, you two... I feel you have a right to know more... of what happened at Mt. Thrace...

Starlight waved goodbye to the group and started to pack her things to head out as well but her ears perked up as Chrysalis caught her attention. Starlight closes the portal as she imagines if it was only for her and Ocellus' ears. She'd make sure no one could overhear from the other side.

Starlight: Oh... really? Are you sure, because it did seem maybe we were close to pushing a few too many buttons...

Ocellus: Yeah... if you're really not comfortable with saying more about it yet, you don't have to tell us anything more. Though I do feel it'd help to get some things off your chest.

Chrysalis: Perhaps... but the information would get out eventually… and I feel they would have asked too many of the wrong questions. Ocellus, you have the right to know as my heir...and Starlight… well you were most likely going to get the information one way or the other. I'd rather have it be on MY terms. I'd rather speak while I have the desire to.

She took a deep breath

Chrysalis: Ocellus, you may remember this from our last talk… but this should be news to you, Starlight. How the old hive went up in flames...you see we believed that the volcano would have been a deterrent from outside attacks...and for the most part it was. Some of us, like Arista, believed being there was foolish, that the volcano would be used against us… how right she was. 

But I believed in my brother… and I'm not referring to Spur, no. I speak of the one who took charge after the former king and queen were murdered, Tarsus. He made the changelings stronger, he was the only one who wanted to take action to prevent the hive from ever being defiled again! Tarsus made me see the truth! Allowed me to be the Queen I needed to be! Mt. Thrace was to be our fortress, away from the ponies who would attack, away from any other predatory species… and yet… it would be a pony who set everything ablaze… and sank the volcano along with everything else... 

Starlight: (That's not how my mom described Tarsus... that's for sure... this is probably my biggest worry for the remainder of these sessions, Tarsus isn't the great king Chrysalis thinks he is, he's quite the opposite! But any attempts to prove he isn't could make us lose all of our progress. The worst thing you can say to a patient of Chrysalis' type is the words "You're wrong".  She'd need solid proof, and even then she might be skeptical. We'll be in a pickle with this for sure

But... a pony was responsible for what happened to Mt. Thrace? I feel like my mom would have mentioned that... but maybe she didn't see the pony who did it. Though I find it hard to believe one pony did all that, maybe if it was a pony that had Twilight's level of genie magic. But there were no genies then, if Luna had not been on the moon at that time maybe there'd be an argument of it being her doing as maybe Luna has control of the tides... but...

Did perhaps Chrysalis just see a pony escaping the island as a natural disaster occurred, and falsely assumed the pony was responsible for it somehow? Should I dare ask if Chrysalis knows this particular pony's name? ....Nah, I feel that'll be best for the next session. That way she's 'honestly' telling everything she knows, for now I'll just jot down some more notes.)

Starlight takes out her binder and notes up what Chrysalis said 

Starlight: Ok, Chrysalis. I'm afraid I have no idea who this pony could have been, but a pony who could have had both the power to do it and the moral bankruptcy to do such a thing is certainly something that has not happened since. Because leveling entire islands sounds more like Grogar-level destruction. Not any individual pony I've ever heard about.

But I can ask the identity of this pony next time. All I can say is that whatever the case, no pony on that level would be welcomed in Equestria. Ever. They'd meet the same fate as Cozy Glow if we ever found a pony like that. That certainly sounds like an example of a pony that is not who we are. The kind of ponies my mother despised to no end.

Ocellus simply nods with Starlight's statement.

Chrysalis sighed, the memory of her hive's destruction. The screams she heard… and the pony she saw as responsible for all of it. It was still clear as day in her mind.

Chrysalis: Hmph, well at least your mother sounded like someone with honor… this pony… she was more wicked than Cozy Glow... I remember the heat… the screams... I watched as she pushed my brother into that volcano...just before she made it erupt. And I could do nothing… merely watch my hive be destroyed. Tarsus… he told me to stay away… in doing so, he saved my life… some other changelings had been with me at the time as well… but we were all that remained...

She trembled and stomped at the ground.

Chrysalis: It was from then on my enemies, those ponies and specifically her. I vowed from that day on to make them pay...

Starlight: Oh huh, yeah maybe it wasn't because of some sudden super magical perpetrator, rather the volcano was already on the verge of erupting... (And if Tarsus is as evil as my mother described... then it could have been the dark magic that his soul became that sank the island...)

Anyway, hopefully the conversation about your family hasn't soured today's session for you. I didn't expect you to get along with Rainbow Dash and the rest so well. I suppose I underestimated my own friends, and didn't account for the camaraderie that a close competition can create even between opposing athletes and/or teams.

This was an excellent day from that perspective, and I have high hopes for our next one. As Rainbow mentioned, Applejack's no stranger to tragedy within a family. Plus, there are some... major stuff to go over. And I do mean MAJOR... the kind of stuff where we've learned far more about how the world works, and life itself since before your sentence in stone. If it weren't for the fact that this is the Honesty lesson, you'd probably scarcely believe what you'll learn next time. I'd just prepare yourself for your mind to be blown multiple times.

The Apple Family's getting close to the end of harvest season, once that's all done. Everyone I plan to bring along to the next one should be ready. 

Chrysalis: Whatever it was… I will never forget what I saw that day... but to answer your question, no, this didn't sour things. I wanted to speak of it… I felt that you've earned the right to know.

She gave her a small smile.

Chrysalis: And I'm certain if her session is as interesting as this one was. I'll look forward to it. I don't see a reason to dread the lesson with Applejack as I did before meeting with Rainbow Dash. To think she'd remind me so much of my brother… heh. I'm curious to hear what these 'mind blowing' revelations will be, but we can wait until the time comes. I'll be mentally preparing myself.

Chrysalis was clearly warming up more to everything. Things were looking good, if the lessons continued like this. Chrysalis would be reformed in no time.

Starlight turns to Ocellus

Starlight: Before I go, thank you Ocellus for being there to referee the race.

Ocellus: Of course Starlight! It was a great race, and I'm glad Mom enjoyed it. I'm not sure I could ever reach those speeds myself, but when you get out of here, mom. I'd like to be trained by you if I can. I wouldn't mind having some friendly races with Smolder, Silverstream, and/or Gallus in some races of my own eventually. The Loyalty  P..E. classes were the only parts of school I wasn't that great at. But Professor Dash was always nice and encouraged me even when I made mistakes. If there was a team sport that required some strategy, I did much better at that then anything I could do alone.

Chrysalis looks to Ocellus and smiles at her, she was touched that she actually wanted to spend time with her. Be trained by her too. It almost looked like she'd cry, but her pride got in the way.

Chrysalis: Ocellus… you... r-really? I… I'd love that! Yes! You and I will absolutely be as speedy as myself! NO, even faster than myself! I know you have it in you! We… we'd have something to do… together!

Her wings fluttered a bit at the thought.

Starlight simply smiles seeing Chrysalis and Ocellus both excited about the future. There's still work to do, but it looked like Chrysalis' reformation was a foregone conclusion. 4 down, 2 to go. And Starlight couldn't see anything going too wrong when Applejack and the rest come by aside maybe a little tension with Pharynx. She even thinks about how proud Twilight will be when it comes time for Magic.

Starlight: (I think I've made it through many of the toughest parts about this. The only remaining hurdle I see is telling her the truth about Tarsus, but I'm sure when Chrysalis meets my mother AND especially her family from her old hive's spirits. That should allow Chrysalis to face the truth. Though the whole revelation about Spirit Summoning existing is going to take her for a loop in general. This next session might be the most interesting yet.)

Starlight jots down some more notes in her binder, before closing it.

Starlight: Alright, that's all for now Chrysalis. I'll see you again, soon enough. Ocellus, are you coming to Ponyville with me?

Ocellus shakes her head.

Ocellus: I think I'll stay at the hive a little longer. But give me a pack of that portal gum in case I need to go to Ponyville quick enough.

Starlight nods and floats over a pack to Ocellus.

Ocellus: Thanks Starlight!

Starlight: You're welcome! Bye Chrysalis and Ocellus!

Starlight waves off before forming a portal with her piece of gum and leaving off. Leaving only Chrysalis and Ocellus as the only beings in the chamber. A look of hope in both their eyes as they stare from the opposite sides of the barrier.

As they watch Starlight leave, Chrysalis smiles. Not worried about her future for once. As much as she'd still hate to say it out loud, she's really come to trust Starlight more. Ocellus could see it in Chrysalis' face as well.

Chrysalis: While you're still here, daughter... I just wanted to say… thank you for cheering me on earlier… It… it meant a lot to me.

Ocellus: Oh, Mom. That's the least I could have done for you. I just know you're so close to reuniting with us for good. I'd wish you luck in the next session, though I almost feel you won't need luck. As I know Professor Applejack will be very amicable, and then it won't be long before Princess Twilight comes back to see you. Wouldn't be surprised if she's the one that lifts the barrier to declare your freedom has been gained.

...Though uh, Mom you also might want to be wary that Pharynx is likely to show up to the next session. I know that might be a bit awkward, but I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle. 

Chrysalis: Pharynx... Ah that will be… interesting... I do not look down upon him as I do to Thorax… yet I'm certain to hear an earful from him… I was wondering if and when he would be a part of these. I almost assumed he'd have come today given his undying loyalty to the hive...

She sighed, knowing full well that the conversation with him may be the hardest one yet. Pharynx was the son she praised so much when she was in charge. But now things are much different.

Chrysalis: But I will be ready for whatever may come. And as for Twilight's eventual arrival… oh to see the look on her face as I am set free. I hope you will be there, Ocellus, when I truly gain my freedom. 

Ocellus: I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Ocellus tilts her head and smiles towards her mother.

Ocellus: I think I'm going to head on up the hive and get some grub to eat. Would you like me to bring back some to teleport into your cell? Or did you get enough fill from Rainbow and the others? If you are full, then this is likely a goodbye until our next meet-up.

Chrysalis: I'm quite fine actually... these lessons always provide a good amount of love to subsist on. It's funny, I don't feel a loss of it for once either. As if I'm still full. So go get your meal and rest, daughter. Until our next meeting, and hopefully it will be outside of these walls once more.

Ocellus waves off, and leaves the chamber. Chrysalis is now all alone again, presumably until Starlight comes back with Applejack and the rest of the group she intends to bring for the Honesty lessons. Chrysalis has many things going through her mind. The exhilarating race with Rainbow, the similarities that the wonderbolt had with Spur, the emotional breakdown she had not long after the race, and a wonder of how the next session will go. But most of all, she was feeling something that she's never truly felt since the glory days of her old hive.

For the first time in years, she truly felt things were changing for the better. Chrysalis, the Queen of the Changelings... had hope again.

[chenanigans]

2023 Accomplishments, 2024 Hopes

I did a lot of stuff this year, so I'm gonna talk about stuff I'm happy about accomplishing this year!

Art

I made the most money ever for commissions! Almost $900 I hope to make more next year!

I finished quite a few comics as well as Cherry's first journal! Comics have always been quite difficult for me to finish, so I'm proud of being able to do a handful of them!

I got to be a featured artist in an app! That was a pretty cool experience getting to test out and draw in an app! Also getting paid to do so!

Next year, I would like to try an improve on some things with my art, finish more art, and maybe get another art job!

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TTRPGS

I played a LOT of DnD this year.

In my Monday game, we're closely approaching our 100th sessions and possibly the end of our first campaign! I love Cherry so much and I hope she gets through it all with the Flockless! This is the longest campaign I've ever been in and the highest level I've grown to as well. Cherry went from level 3-13 so far, how my baby has grown! We also got to play some Kids on Bikes and Pathfinder 2e which was very fun! I hope to do more games after we finish campaign 1!

With my Tuesday group, I got to make so many fun characters and also try some new TTRPGs too! I'm excited for all the fun little things we'll get to do next year! I love Manon and hope we figure out the nature of this world.

I hope to finally run something next year for my friends next year, but we'll see how it goes!

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Video Games

I played a fuck ton of games this year. I got really into simulation games because I find them relaxing and nice.

The games I beat this year:

Garden in!

Paradise Marsh

Flying Neko Delivery

Unpacking

Lumbearjack

Terra Nil

Alba A Wildlife Adventure

Mail Time

Katamari Damacy Reroll

We Love Katamari Reroll

Frog Detective 3

Sticky Business

Pikmin 4

Garden Buddies

Pizza Tower

Loddlenauts

Moonstone Island

Frogsong

Kirby's Return to Dreamland Deluxe

I'm excited for a fuckton of indie games coming out next year and for the Paper Mario the Thousand Year Door remake. I need to beat the original before it comes out but we'll see how that goes.

My favourite games this year were Pikmin 4, Pizza Tower, Loddlenauts and Moonstone Island for sure!

-----

Life

No major changes happened in my life this year. I'm hoping next year I have more luck in finding an art job, but overall, I'm pretty ok with where I am.Working at a grocery store will always suck, but I'm at least making enough money to buy things I like and help my family out a bit.

I went to my first Pride parade this year. When I was sitting at the subway waiting for my friends to arrive I almost cried because seeing the sheer amount of queer people around was just heart-warming and made me feel like it was all gonna be ok. I got my first ace flags, one of which is on my desk near Rawhide. I also got handed a paper for black queer people which was a lil funny. I also got a lot of compliments on my outfit which felt very good.

Mental health wise, it's also been very ok. I'm hoping to get more support in terms of my ADHD meds since I've been on the same dosage for a while and things could be better.

-----

Lastly...

This is a lil sappy, but I wanna say thanks to all my friends and my sister for making this life worth living. I haven't been in a depressive rut in a long time because of those I love, the things I love, and the things I'm looking forward to. Life for me isn't always rainbows and sunshine, but I'm always happy about the small things that make it worthwhile. I'm looking forward to making and sharing more art with my friends, playing video games and TTRPGs, and just doing what I enjoy in life!

[maliro-t]

nat 20, crit fail, prep and tpk!

nat 20: What's the most memorable RP scene you've been a part of?

I know this is technically a question for me as a player but as a DM, there was an exchange with one of my players (in blue) as this little kid NPC (in red) after they'd saved him from a pretty horrible massacre that just went:

"Have you seen people die?"

"Yeah."

"Did you like them too?"

"Yeah. But there's nothing I could do for them. And they're happier where they are now."

"I wish you could be happy too."

"Yeah."

Which just got me real in my feelings about Mr. Mumford and made me real proud of his player :)

crit fail: Have you ever had a character death? What happened?

I personally have not! I think that's in part because the longest campaigns I've been in as a player were only over about 7 or eight months, so I haven't had a ton of opportunity to be thrust into mortal peril. Although I guess you never know lol, especially at lower levels.

prep: How much prep work do you do? How far out do you prep?

I would say it varies session to session, which is probably normal. I've played around with completely homebrewing some shorter sessions, but there honestly isn't a place for that in my work life balance, so I've turned to running published material (namely Curse of Strahd). That takes a lot of the burden of prep off, since I more rarely am designing things from scratch-- although I do my fair share of modification, and there still is plenty of stuff that I have to figure out myself! For most games I will make sure I have the sections that I will need from the book marked out and available, and especially if looks like it's gonna be a sort of open-ended RP game, I'll write out certain guidelines for myself into my campaign notebook so it's easier for me to keep track of things (I also do this for combat, in that I'll usually write a few lines about major figures' goals, if they're relevant, and maybe their first move or two). I try not to prep much beyond what I think will fit in a session (because I frankly don't have time), but sometimes I overestimate, and will end up with notes that last me three sessions. But beyond sort of vague notions of bigger picture building blocks that are moving in the background, I try to only prep stuff I think will be immediately pertinent. And I do trust my improv skills enough where a lot of that will be vague sketching! For example, in CoS there's a festival that's upcoming in one of the major cities, but the book has truly no information about what the festival itself entails beyond sort of a morbid procession, so I went into that game with an opening scene, a vague thought about ring toss, and a vague thought about local card sharks, and just kind of played it by ear from there. And it was one of our most fun games! I do prep a LOT for combat though-- we play on roll20 so I'm cobbling together maps (which usually will take an hour or so depending) and will often times write out entire stat blocks so I don't have to be looking for them. I do use the dnd beyond encounter tracker some of the time, but in big, complicated encounters, I find that can actually make my life extra confusing, so I do a lot of handwriting shit out on paper.

tpk: Have you ever had a game go completely off the rails? TPK? How did you adjust?

I did in fact facilitate a TPK in my current campaign which was !!!! yeah I would say off the rails is putting it mildly! The entire party was slaughtered by dire wolves, which was a random encounter on the way to a completely different objective so. very unexpected. It was one of those games that truly makes you feel insane, and it was almost entirely down to rolls-- I was rolling very well for these wolves (I think I crit 3 or 4 times?) and they were rolling extremely poorly. It was honestly easier for me that everyone went out than just a few people, because it meant that I could make on the fly decisions for the group and no one had to sit out the rest of the session. So, once the last person went down I gave everyone a kind of solo limbo vignette where we zeroed in on some character/backstory stuff for each of them, just to kind of settle everyone (which was really fun to do, especially since there's a lot they don't know about each other's histories, some more than others), and took a five minute recess to figure out what to do next-- I was lucky that unbeknownst to the party, they were on their way to knock on the door of a hag coven, who had their own reasons to want them alive, so I ended up having them all wake up as their captives. Congrats, you made it to where you were going! Sorry, you're still fucked! And THAT ended up being one of the most fun, intense encounters we've run. And I certainly am weaving some threads in the background about how exactly they survived and what the long-term consequences of that are.

[thewolfisawake]

Ceilidh, what is your relation with the other gentry? What do you think of the other fae belonging to the Empress?

"The condensed version, I can work for them but many do not find my job necessary," she prefaced, "as for my thoughts, I feel the Court is bloated wit those of self-importance with far too few that do anything of benefit to the Seelie itself or their fellow fae. But no, that isn't what you mean, correct? Fine, I will tell but it is rather dull."

"The one I know the longest by virtue of how aging is would be young Lord Allanach, Ruaidhri. We are of differing attitudes with people. As in he loves and is invigorated by them. I am not. I believe so long as it is of interest to him, the young lord very much proves the lineage he is from. There is reason that farce of a sparring session is well-remembered. I believe if anyone dared to challenge him, the young lore could and would rise to the occasion. And his pride (or is it perfectionism?) would not allow it be half done. But he's built such a reputation that is both a boon and a detriment in that he cannot so easily escape it. Not that he likely wants to."

"Then there is the young Lady Deòireach, Eilidh. She has always been regarded as 'strange' even within the Court. But she has raw charisma that is unmatched. by anyone within our age that makes anyone swoon or be disarmed. Couple with her wiles, the lady would be a femme fatale. I envy her and avoid her company as a result. I may be the background sort but I do still maintain a pride to veil my misery."

"Let's see...there is young Lord Murdoc, Aodh. I dare believe he is one the only ones besides myself that has little qualm with his future role. Which is alarming when you consider how many there are. Strange of me to say but I feel I understand his circumstances the most. I pity him to some extent though that is tempered with dealing with his disrespect. So I await whenever he returns to Court. If he ever does."

"I believe Lord Mèinnearach needs no introductions. He is whom I have seen more often in a professional capacity, ironically enough. We are polar opposites in every respect and I maintain pleasantry. I have a respect for him to unabashedly act for himself regardless of consequences. Good and bad. I just wish he would find better locales for his conquests."

"I don't have much to say about Lord Oireachtaigh. He shows up and he does what he must and leaves. We're similar in that respect. Although I do worry about what he must have seen to make him as reclusive as he is. I remember him before and he used to be much more like Lord Mèinnearach. But also seems to so much more serious about his position and has actually gotten my name down? He is odd but mainly in reconciling who I remember and who he is."

"And while she is royalty than nobility, there is Princess Tara. I have observed her much the same as His Majesty. She was one of the times I attempted reaching out a bit more. Usually in the form of dropping books off with different bookmarks I made or, if the guards or minders minded, treats I made. Admittedly, it was probably a bit naive or vague but loss is not quite common and I...don't know what to do in this situation. But I just wanted to try because it is lonely. Her Highness has moved on as best as she is able."

"Phew, now when it comes to the court of the Novian Empire...well, I am far less familiar with their workings. Although I am to be acquainted with them soon. From what I can tell though...the Empress and her advisors are quite like His Majesty and his Court. They seem quite different from the air that their Empress gives off. Some for the better. Some for the worse."

"However...from my outside perspective, there is a...lack of camaraderie between them? Of course things would be different in every land but considering how long and how intimately they work, I was expecting something else. Of course not that there isn't anyone that has any concern? Care? I did notice that for Commander Ardell. And of course towards the Empress herself. I would say they are more organized and of course, quite beautiful. I cannot say much more than my observations for now since I did end up occupied during the revel and could not meet most personally."

[shoheiakagi]

Hi, what's up?

So💝💖🌹🌺💌🥀for Dewa and Fujishima cause this two need some attention,please.

And thank you.

Hiii, i’m good! Hope youre doing well! And I wholeheartedly agree - these two need a lot more love. granted, ive had more asks for dewa than fuji for a lot of the ask games i reblogged, but i will never say no to more dewa content

Send me an emoji + a character!

💝 - What's their love language?

Dewa: acts of service and quality time. Dewa is a man of action and prefers to show his love by helping you create an effective budget plan, clean up the apartment before you get back from a long day of work, etc. He’s very serious about spending enough quality time with his partner; a nice little dinner where they talk about their day, watching a true crime documentary, and attending a local jazz concert. But sometimes its the more simple stuff where they’re both in the living room doing their own thing but comforted by each other’s presence

Fujishima: words of affirmation and acts of service. Fujishima is always supportive, encouraging his partner whenever they��re feeling upset or insecure. When his partner texts him about having a rough day at school/work, fuji calls them right away and spends at least 10-15 minutes on the phone with them, knowing the right things to say to cheer them up. He sometimes even picks up their favorite meal and pastry to brighten their day. Fuji is always looking for ways to help out his partner; whether its washing the dishes, taking out the trash, or picking up groceries when he notices theyre out of stock on certain items

💖 - What traits does your muse find physically attractive?

Dewa: he really likes well defined eyebrows; the type that are dark and thick, and you can tell that they’re maintained frequently (those monthly eyebrow waxing/threading sessions!). but he also finds necks very attractive, especially those that are long and slim. It serves as a great contrast to his calloused hands when he wraps them around the neck.

Fujishima: the first thing he notices about someone is their smile. he’s a sucker for gorgeous and vibrant smiles, especially paired with dimples??? our man is in love! fuji also likes a set of small, pouty lips bc theyre fun for kissing 😽

🌹 - If asked to define love what would your muse say?

Dewa: compatibility. The strongest and longest lasting relationships don’t just rely on love, but also on how compatible the people involved are

Fujishima: lifetime commitment. When you’re in love, you’re going to stick through all the bad times, along with the good times

🌺 - Would they be willing to change any part of them for a partner? If not how far would they be willing to go

Dewa: at first, he won’t be very receptive to any feedback that requires him to change. it will hurt his ego a bit and it’ll take him a while to come around. but after taking some time to think things through, he finally opens up to his partner and have a healthy discussion on what their relationship needs and what kind of compromises both parties will need to make so that the relationship lasts

Fujishima: i think it really depends on what he needs to be changed. I don’t think he will ever put an end to certain traits of his, liking rescuing stray and abandoned animals (and humans). But if it comes to concerns like him not receiving a formal education or getting a stable job, i think fuji might be more understanding and probably attend a trade school so that he can land a well paying job without having to go to college

💌 - How would they confess to their love interest? Would they wait on a confession?

Dewa: it takes a while for dewa to realize his feelings and that yes, this is the person he’s been waiting for. He plans an elaborate date, filled with a variety of flowers and accompanied by the most expensive wine he can afford (per kusanagi’s suggestion), to make his confession

Fujishima: Fuji is very perceptive of his emotions, so he’s casual and straight to the point once he realizes his feelings. Its probably when they’re having a little outing at the park, taking a stroll by the pond and feeding the nearby birds, when he casually tells the other person that he has strong feelings for them and would like to take their relationship to the next level. And he has his classic poker face on while making his confession, which makes it a little hard for the other person to understand if he was being serious or not

🥀 - Do they handle breakups well?

Dewa: Answered here

Fujishima: out of all of the younger guys of hmr, fuji is the most emotionally mature. Like for everyone else, breakups are painful and there will be a period of time where he’s hurt, angry, and too exhausted to do anything else. But he quickly puts his focus on other things, like volunteering in the local no-kill animal shelter, carrying out more hmr related missions or spending more time in the bar with the gang, check out a new rock band, practice martial arts, etc. Once he gets busy and focuses on something else, he is able to move on quicker than he expected

[otstudentwithalife]

From theory into practice: Week 1 was the longest week all year.

For me this year started off with my body physically attending lectures and even fieldwork preparation but my brain still on vacation. Which isn’t unusual per say, in fact in my 3 years of studying this was the first fieldwork preparation I attended, and it left me gob smacked for sure. The reality of the amount of, not only theory we were covering and the relevance of the past 2 years but as well as the idea of implementing that and treating patients to my full capacity was a sad trombone sound effect moment for me.

Sitting in that lecture hall and presenting my groups analysis of that case study and what our clinical reasoning was for what we planned made me realise that this year was about putting theory into practice after all. I didn't what I knew or didn't know but I was confident I would make it regardless.

In the words of famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra:” In theory, there is no difference in theory and practice-in practice there is.” Now my interpretation might not be what he meant but I know this struck me because I’ve always been an academic and OT has forced me to not only adapt to putting that knowledge into practice but within practice to be able to think on my toes because we work with people and no matter how many books, articles, and research I do. The people I see will never be predictable and the sessions will not always be a free-flowing downward stream, the weather quickly changes in sessions and that’s the beauty of this quote. Without discounting theory’s role in practice, I understand now that practice on its own has knowledge.

On my first day, I was so prepared that I felt little to no anxiety waking up. Of course, that was short-lived because as soon as I got my SCI patient and went to the ward, HE WASN’T THERE !! I hoped the OT was going to say “oh okay then I guess you can chill today, and we’ll get you another patient on Wednesday “ but no I wasn’t that lucky, I got a CVA patient. Now I am familiar with this diagnosis, so I wasn’t stressed, that’s until I went to see her. She presented in a way I’d never worked with before because it wasn’t the right CVA, left hemiplegic I was used to, but this Left CVA patient was going to present in ways I had never assessed or treated before. That scared me so much my anxiety sky-rocketed almost immediately. So I dealt with it the best way I know, I opened up the cabinet in my brain filled with all that theory and assessed her the best way I knew how. It wasn’t smooth sailing because my first obstacle was finding a way to communicate with my patient and ways to understand when she was trying to communicate with me because she not only has oral apraxia but also responsive aphasia. I had a mini meltdown for 2 seconds in my head because I intended on doing my interview so theory had to take a back seat right here. I had to then use practice and what I had seen from colleagues at other placements to get through the session and still achieve my assessment aims and some background information. It was a productive session but the cog wheels in my brain were spiraling already planning our next session and how I was going to effectively communicate and treat my patient.

I spoke to my supervisor who had observed a good portion of the session and her feedback most definitely eased my stress after the session. She gave constructive criticism which I absolutely prefer, as well as went as far as throwing me little golden nuggets as to how I could overcome this communication barrier I was struggling with. Speaking with her helped consolidate and validate my observations of that session and I went home back in my little to no anxiety state. I already had ideas on how to use the facilities resources to help me treat my patient and I was on a roll. I planned my first treatment session to be a colour sequence matching game that I had created for another CVA patient I saw 2nd year. The beauty of creativity I didn’t know I had was comforting in this moment, this activity had been trialed and errored so this time I made a few adaptations to meet this client’s specific treatment aims and I was ready and confident. The session was a great success in my eyes, the client was actively engaged, I heard her laugh for the first time and I could see the gratitude and excitement in her smile when we finished the session. So, the next session had to be her choice from a few pictures activities that I had chosen, and she chose painting and that was what we were going to do for our last session of the week. 

I went home motived and happy to plan the next session. Now I went into the third session expecting yesterday’s outcome, and Thursday was not like Wednesday. The session was successful, I was able to get more observations, more insight into my client’s condition don't get me wrong. All in all, I got a lot of information I needed in the session, but she was not as engaged and cheerful as she was the previous day. In that moment I told myself “Back to the drawing board”.

I still haven’t figured out why she chose the activity if she did not like it. My client was familiar with the activity, maybe she felt inclined to choose it among the choices presented to her. In theory when you give someone options and they choose to do something, they should be interested in it. Practice and reality say “Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone once in a while; take risks in life that seem worth taking. The ride might not be as predictable as if you’d just planted your feet and stayed put but will be a heck of a lot more interesting.” -Edwin Whitacre Jr.  (Quotefancy: Edwin Whitacre, Jr. Quotes, 2023).

So, theory maps out the path we need to take in intervention, but practice shows us the how to get there and it’s my goal to help her not only step out of her comfort zone but expose her to things she may not know she could enjoy doing or even do for leisure. Another lesson learned this week alone about going from theory to practice.

Now going into the new week, I realized I don’t want to not be anxious when thinking about my treatment sessions or not consider whether my patient will enjoy her time with me. This is because “It is not enough to give a patient something to do with the hands. You must reach for the heart as well as the hands. It is the heart that really does the healing “- Ora Ruggles and I intend to uphold that because to me it truly defines what my goal in OT for my patients is all about. (The Healing Heart: The Story f Ora Ruggles, Pioneer in Occupational Therapy. 1962)

[jankwritten]

I posted 9,419 times in 2022

That's 9,419 more posts than 2021!

246 posts created (3%)

9,173 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@kindofapieceofshit

@paddooo

@theonlycabbage

@archive-of-our-own

@theradicalace

I tagged 4,098 of my posts in 2022

#pjo - 460 posts

#jason grace - 431 posts

#hoo - 369 posts

#nico di angelo - 277 posts

#percy jackson - 178 posts

#leo valdez - 134 posts

#jasico - 105 posts

#annabeth chase - 90 posts

#omgcp - 75 posts

#piper mclean - 72 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#in the meantime. love y’all. anyone who reads this and anyone who doesn’t. y’all are important no matter who you are. you deserve to hear it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Jason and Nico being able to unmask around one another for pretty much the first time ever is one of my favorite things about them. Like no matter if their relationship is romantic or platonic or if they're even just acquaintances, I feel like there's always this prevailing sense that the two of them get each other better than most people get them. They also both suffer the same "curse" of identity - they want people to see them for who they are, but people tend to only see them for who their parent is. They hear Jason Grace and think son of Jupiter before they think anything else. They hear Nico di Angelo and they think child of Hades before any other thought comes to mind. These two are the only people for each other (that they know of so far, anyways) who hear their names and think friend, or dork, or nerd about temples first.

Sure, I understand that they didn't always start out that way. Jason in canon had a LOT of issues to work through when he was on the Argo - he had his memories wiped, he was in a relationship with a girl he wasn't sure he really remembered, he was being told to be a leader even though Percy also wanted to be a leader, and so he treated Nico the way he did because it was what everyone else expected of him. But then he saw Nico open up, or more he saw Nico be forced to open up, and he realized that he didn't have to obey what everyone else thought anymore. He saw this guy who was struggling, who was hurt and hated and he saw himself in that guy, and he wanted to help.

I just think Jason and Nico's relationship is so fucking awesome. The one that they tend to have in fanon, anyways, I haven't reread HoO recently enough to form an opinion about their canon relationship. I think it's fucking awesome that we have these two characters that, to us, bond so well.

238 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#4

currently writing an AU where Chiron convinces Sally to take Nico home after the summer camp session is done because despite all they've tried, Nico isn't getting better mentally and it's clear that the atmosphere around camp is inhibiting him (kids still treating him like shit, his own feelings of inadequacy regarding his parentage, the way it reminds him of waiting for Bianca and Percy to come back only to learn Bianca would never come back, etc.)

So Sally Jackson takes Nico home with her and Percy, and Percy is PISSED. Like beyond angry, will not talk to Nico and is a total dick to him most of the time because he's a 17 year old boy who's finally going to see his mama again and NOW HE'S GOT THIS SHITTY LITTLE FUCKING SIDEKICK who he's still not TOTALLY convinced isn't in love with his girlfriend despite Nico literally coming out to him. In this AU Percy is definitely still dealing with a lot of his own trauma and none of it in a super healthy manner - hence, he hates Nico.

At least, that's how it was supposed to go. Now Percy and Nico have bonded into essentially being brothers. They wrestle in the backyard so often Sally has taken to spraying them with the garden hose when they're being too rowdy. They bicker and fight over whose turn it is to walk Mrs. O'Leary. They end up having to go to the same school (Nico kept getting kicked out of the other ones) and Percy defends Nico from people being dicks while simultaneously being a dick to him (but lovingly).

I love it when AUs get totally out of hand from what I originally wanted them to be and I elect to make this Jason Grace's fault for becoming Nico's boyfriend when I wasn't paying attention. Jason put Percy and Nico into a get-along shirt.

also Nico and Annabeth become good friends because she's around a lot and she finds him an invaluable resource on the topics that she can never wrap her head around, things that are too old to even really be in any online databases - things that Nico can access by speaking to the dead. They start off being very iffy about one another but by the end they are also Practically Siblings.

309 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#3

I think that Jason has a stuffed animal that one of his guardians in New Rome have to him when he was a baby. A wolf or a fox or some other dog/cat-like creature - maybe even a stuffed hellhound or something, something that he rediscovers on accident while in the 5th Cohort’s barracks, something that makes him sit down on the floor holding it in his hands and cry, for some reason, something he can’t even remember but he knows was important to him once upon a time.

460 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

#2

Okay so the last time I read HoO was in middle school, like JUST before blood of olympus came out, so ofc i have a very bad memory for the details of certain scenes but like this 100% happened, I thought that maybe i didn't remember it right or something but. I mean it's right there so.

1,190 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See now I think it would be really funny if IN CANON Hermes was Lin Manuel Miranda. Like in the show he is still the exact same as he is IRL. Hermes wrote Hamilton. He got bored of listening to Apollo prattling on about Broadway so he went out in disguise as a mortal and Did That.

That’s the only way I will accept him as Hermes, is if THAT is the reason.

4,711 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

(Tumblr telling me how to use tags makes me want to throttle somebody KAMDKCKMSNF BUT THIS WAS FUN TO SEE)