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thegreymoon · 9 months ago

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The Story of Minglan

I have so much work to do, it isn't even funny, and here I am, doing none of it. So, instead of just sitting in front of my computer and letting anxiety eat me up, I'm going to see how married life is treating Minglan.

I have three shows that I am actively watching right now. It's a battle to choose which one to watch at any given time. The struggle is real 😫

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Well, he's feeling energetic the morning after 😅

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LMAO, OK, so I know that the implication here is that he has great stamina and wore her out, but, honestly, my first thought was that she must have been doing all the physical work of their first night together, so she's now tired and he's up and about doing acrobatics 🤣🤣

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LMAO, I'm on her side here!

Sleep above all!

To hell with the shitty in-laws.

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What a thing to tell your newly-wedded wife!

Yikes 😬

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LMAOOOO 🤣🤣

Hopefully he, ahem, learned other skills at the brothel instead 🤣🤣

He's so fully of nonsense, I cannot 🤣🤣

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Ugh, these vipers.

The sooner they move out, the better.

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Who?

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AGAIN, WHO??

Honestly, my stance for this drama is that anyone who wants to commit suicide should be allowed to 🙄

***

Wait, is she implying that Gu Tingye is sleeping with this woman?

Because, seriously? SERIOUSLY??

Now they are straight-up lying to stir up trouble in their marriage! AND THIS IS, LIKE, THE FIRST DAY!! 🤬🤬

Minglan, don't be an idiot. Don't believe them!

***

Oh, and the lot of you are soooooo worried about how some random servant who is sleeping with the master of the house is going to live 🙄🙄

I cannot with the what-the-fuckery on display here 🤬🤬

GU TINGYE, WHERE ARE YOU?

THIS IS SLANDER!!

***

Even if any of this was true, WHO GIVES A FUCK??

OK, so, personal story time. Skip for TMI, or something. IDC.

When I was nineteen, I was living away from home for the first time in a dormitory and I had these roommates. I was a very stupid, naive, sexually inexperienced, frontal-cortex-still-entirely-udeveloped nineteen. I was studying architecture, the hours were ridiculous, the living conditions were atrocious (and I mean no hot water, communal toilets for the entire floor, no privacy whatsoever, perpetually drunk, eternally partying next-door neighbours bringing creepy men over, it was absolute hell with no recourse) and I was really, really struggling to keep afloat.

My self-esteem also wasn't the greatest and I'd spent my entire teens feeling unlovable and unattractive because, idk, I didn't look like Naomi Campbel, and was told from numerous sides that being some random average girl was just not enough. My mental health went down the drain that year and it never really recovered. I hadn't been doing particularly great even before that, but it was like that whole hellish mess snapped some final thread in me and it was just a downward spiral after downward spiral for years after that. It took an additional ten years to get diagnosed and put on meds because everyone is just so stupid and when you are young, you don't know how to advocate for yourself, or even that you should be doing so.

And then there were these roommates.

There were three of them, all older than me, and we lived in this tiny twelve-square-metre room with three single beds (two of them had to share because one of them was a friend who was there "illegally" because she had lost her right to accommodation for repeating the year and didn't want to go back to her parent's home for the time being and I was too stupid to put my foot down, report her and tell her to fuck off). The two legal ones were sisters.

And let me tell you, I was so in AWE of them! All three were tall, beautiful, put together and confident! They were incredibly popular and had men crawling all over them. I felt pathetic in comparison. I wasn't jealous, not exactly, I just felt inadequate and held the two sisters on this incredibly high pedestal because they seemed so smart and gorgeous (not so much the friend, because even though she was beautiful too, she had this self-absorbed, self-centred, flighty, shallow character that I just couldn't respect). The sisters, however, were everything I wished I could be, especially the younger one.

That particular sister, let's call her M, was also studying architecture. She was in year four (compared to my miserable first year) and she was doing so well, her work was amazing. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was the epitome of elegance, intelligence and beauty in my eyes. She could do no wrong. Hero worship was in full swing, I couldn't imagine she could be any more perfect even if I tried.

And then a few months into our hellish living arrangement, I found out that she was fooling around with this worthless guy who was cheating on his long-term girlfriend with her. They had an on-again-off-again relationship. They had broken up before because he refused to leave the official girlfriend, but for whatever reason, she was in love with his mediocre ass and kept going back to him. I was shocked when the whole story came out. There she was, the most perfect girl I had ever known, letting this cheating loser string her along like that. It was gross.

Let me tell you, that pedestal I put her on came crumbling down so fast because even my infatuated, naive, sleep-deprived and chemically imbalanced brain knew this was very wrong (it took me several more years and another incident with a woman I was super close to and had adored for years to teach me not to mess with cheaters and the people they cheat with because they are always fundamentally deficient in some hidden (or not so hidden) ways and that whatever damage they have that lets them act in this way will eventually drag you down too, but I digress).

In my shock, I asked her, why? Of all people, why him? This girl was so gorgeous, she could have had any man on the planet. She said they were in love. And I asked her, if he loved her so much, why didn't he break up with his girlfriend (mind you, the girlfriend fully thought they were getting married sometime in the near future). It seemed so obvious to me, if he truly loved her, he should have ended his previous relationship and dated her openly.

AND SHE TOLD ME THIS EXACT SAME LINE. THIS COMPLETE BULLSHIT OF A MANIPULATIVE EXCUSE.

Apparently, the shitty cheater couldn't break up with the girlfriend because the girlfriend had sworn that if he broke up with her, she would never marry anyone else and stay single her whole entire life. And he, the poor baby, couldn't live with that, so he couldn't leave her 🤯🤯

I had never heard something more ridiculous in my life. It was so absurd, and it was so world-altering for me that this perfect girl, the girl I had thought was so put together and so incredibly smart, was TAKING THIS UTTER STUPIDITY SERIOUSLY. I still remember it so clearly, even after all these years. It didn't make sense then and it still doesn't make sense now. It's the XXI century!! Break up with the woman you don't love!! What the hell is this nonsense?? WHO THE FUCK CARES IF SHE DECIDES TO NEVER MARRY ANYONE ELSE? IT IS NO LONGER YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!!

Also, all these people were in their early fucking twenties, the absolute delusion that any of her threats (if they were even real and not made up by the loser cheater because all cheaters ever do is lie) were in any way a real and enforceable thing that would come to pass. BUT EVEN IF SHE NEVER DID GET MARRIED? SO FUCKING WHAT? NOT YOUR CIRCUS, NOT YOUR MONKEYS.

And there she was, sneaking around with this garbage man because he gave her this nonsensical excuse. The stupidity is unending. I cannot. I could not and will never be able to can 🙄🙄

And back to the actual show now.

WHO THE FUCK CARES IF SHE NEVER MARRIES? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT BLACKMAIL IS THAT? FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF AND THEN KEEP FUCKING OFF SOME MORE UNTIL YOU DROP INTO A DEEP BLACK HOLE AND KEEP DROPPING UNTIL YOU REACH THE EARTH'S CORE AND DISINTEGRATE IN THE LAVA.

Ugh.

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WHO THE FUCK CAAAAAARES 🤬🤬

Also, let's not forget that these are the very people who wanted to murder Manniang and Gu Tingye's actual children with her. They are so concerned with the status of a lower-class servant sleeping with the Young Master and how she will raise her head in public and go on living. So, so, so concerned 🙄🙄

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Minglan, please tell them to fuck all the way off.

I am beyond pissed.

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OMFG.

I am beyond sick of these wretched bottom feeders and their "path of survival" 🤮

BITCH, DIE.

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True! Let's all ask him!!

I am sure he will just love all this slander.

This whole thing is just beyond WTF.

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What exactly were her parents supposed to teach her?

Just take in some random prostitute for her husband the day after she was married? What the actual fuck is wrong with this woman? Worms for brains, I swear. The audacity is astounding.

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OH MY GOD, THEN GO DIE ALREADY

I am so tired 🙄

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This dumb fucking bully.

The best thing that ever happened to women was emancipation and no longer having to live in their in-laws' homes.

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LMAO, how many statuses do these mistresses that the wife is forced to support even have?

Fuck off with this bullshit.

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MINGLAN, ARE YOU SERIOUS

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LMAO, wait, what?

They accused him of raping this woman?

Speechless.

Gu Tingye, please take your wife and fuck off from this place.

***

LMAO, Gu Tingye keeps making good life choices!

Gu Tingye is not among my favourite characters by a long stretch, but I do appreciate him so very much!

Go, king! Protect your wife and stay winning!!

***

Don't you just love it when utterly disgraceful people start blathering about not getting the respect they feel entitled to 🙄

Gross family.

#the story of minglan #tsoml spoilers #tsoml ep41

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hardtchill · 11 months ago

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For me it’s very similar to the other anon. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve still not got my bachelors degree because I had to quit my first go around at uni since i physically couldn’t learn for my exams. Granted it was compounded by other issues such as depression and anxiety but i genuinely believe that a not insignificant part of those issues come from the fact that adhd makes it near impossible to organise myself (unmedicated btw).

Seeing this on my feed rn is kind of ironic since even though im in my third year of a degree that I actually enjoy now, I literally dropped out of an exam that I was supposed to write today cuz I couldn’t revise. It’s not like I didn’t have the time and I’ve known for weeks about the deadline, but with every assignment or exam I push my own boundaries further and further back until I can’t do it anymore. Last semester I crammed 84 pages worth of notes in under 48h, an exam mind you that I’d pushed back over a year and was literally my last shot or I’d not be allowed to continue with my studies. I barely slept, I was throwing up, but I somehow passed, and with a good grade at that. Since then my brain is like, well you managed to do that that one time so you can totally afford to wait until the DAY before an exam to finish it. Or write a 15 page paper in a day.

And you know what, maybe I can. But the problem is the cost. It’s killing me. I find that it’s also very isolating cuz generally people don’t have a lot of empathy for this? So I end up pulling back from everyone including my best friends until I’m at a point again where I can be around people without letting on how incredibly bad I’m doing. Or I just straight up lie so they don’t know that I’ve not done the things i said I would do.

And all this is not just within the framework of academia. It’s also impacted my wellbeing in a more general sense - cooking for myself is hard because I tend to not listen to my body’s cues until I’m on the verge of passing out cuz i forgot to eat or drink, or by the time I’m hungry I still have to make a meal so I end up ordering something cuz it’s faster. Same with showering daily or brushing your teeth. Getting any routine started in general and sticking with it. I’ve been meaning to start exercising again but I keep delaying it for no reason. I’ve worked out regularly in the past so I know it’s something that I enjoy and that makes me feel good but despite that I’m still stuck in this place of inertia? It’s awful.

I’ve talked to some friends who also have adhd about it and the inability to start something cuz it isn’t instantly gratifying or that doesn’t align with an interest but is an obligation is quite common. Can I binge 7 seasons of a reality show in a week if it really interests me? Hell yeah! (I do watch everything at 2x speed cuz everyone talks too slow lmao but still). Will i fly through a massive book and literally forego sleeping if it means getting through more of it if im really invested? Absolutely. 1500 puzzle? Massive Lego set? Yep! Taking notes from a textbook for an assignment? Literally kill me right now.

I’m sorry for this long ass message and idek if you’re gonna read all of this but yeah just wanted to share my experience. Adhd is absolutely not quirky or a superpower and I wish there was a better understanding of it out there because it makes me my own worst enemy every day.

Ugh anon i feel you so much. I have skipped on many an exam during my bachelors because i just couldn't concentrate, focus or start revision. It's completely miserable to literally see the time go by where you feel the stress but you just cannot get your brain to start on what you need to do.

Any time i told teachers and now colleagues that i work well with deadlines i get told i'm not motivated enough because if i was i wouldn't need deadlines. That's just so unfair! My brain is graving dopamine, it's not laziness that my brain does this, it's literally just ADHD.

This is the same reason why your brain (usually) jumps into action when that crippling anxiety hits, because you're so close to a deadline that your brain can smell the dopamine.

The only reason that i finished my 6 month thesis is because i had many mini deadlines during those 6 months. I felt the anxiety to finish a part of it every month and i had a teacher who was very nice and gave you compliments when you did (DOPAMINE). If i didn't have that i would still be writing my thesis now.

ADHD is so misunderstood by so many people. It affects every part of your life and the negative consequences are so much bigger and impactful than the potential positive outcomes. I mean yeah i'm creative and can think fast, awesome but that doesn't make up for the anxiety, stress and grief you go through anytime your brain just doesn't want to start something.

#ask #adhd

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bylightofdawn · 2 years ago

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WIP SUNDAY

Ya'll I really wanted to just post the entire confrontation scene with Slick. Or Cody and Rex's reunion, or even the bits about Cody tying at the mention of the infamous recruitment poster.

THERE IS SO MANY THINGS I WANTED TO SHARE FROM THIS CHAPTER. Holy fuck.

I settled on this one. Takes place after the shitshow of Rex finding out Slick is alive and has been unknowingly part of his clone rescue operation due to the splintered and highly compartmentalized nature of their network.

It's super rough as always. I am not kidding when I say out of this 22,000K word fic (seriously, El?? Like really control yourself woman) it has 999+ suggestions. It's actually giving me anxiety thinking about having to edit this.

EDIT: I also had a minor heart-attack because I'd opened a new focus document so I could try and fix this up a little bit and it replaced my existing doc and I COULD NOT FIND IT. And my backup file in google docs only has the first 15 pages? Like I've been regularly copy/pasting I thought but it was like troll lol lol lol no.

I was able to recover it but ya'll. I would have been devastated if I lost all that time and work. Like I would left the internet for another two years level of devastated. orz. Okay, maybe not that extreme but it would have been ugly.

Outside, the heat was still unbearable, but at least the suns mainly had set now, so the chances of anyone recognizing them outright were relatively slim.

Because his treacherous sense of balance and knees didn’t feel like they were up for any extended walking, Cody indicated a crumbling mudbrick as a place to cop a squat, and they made their way towards it.

“I don’t understand; you sound like you were defending him back there, Codes. Slick? You remember what he did, don’t you?”

He supposed it was a valid concern concerning the recent biochip he’d had in his head.

It didn’t mean it didn’t rankle all the same.

“Of course I remember what he did. I wanted to shoot him myself when I first saw him. Or I would have if I hadn’t been on the brink of karking death.”

The concern seemed to win out over outrage. “What? What happened to you, Cody?”

“I deserted, but I didn’t have a good plan in place, and it bit me in the ass. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to get off of Coruscant if you’re a rogue clone. I thought I could raise the credits and find a way of buying my way off the planet. But with these new chain codes, I couldn’t find legal work. Not to mention they have bounty hunters and entire gangs that roam around hunting for clone deserters. So I had to keep going deeper and deeper until I was in the lowest of the low places. I ended up in a camp built by other unhoused illegals. It was hell, Rex.” Cody confessed softly, and he distantly felt his brother sling his arm around his shoulder in a comforting manner.

The movement jostled his wounded arm, which meant the good pain meds were wearing off but also suggested he’d probably be able to stand up straight and run if he needed to, so he’d take the tradeoff.

“I took what work I could, which, let me tell you? None of the awful jobs we had in the GAR could compare. This was stuff so vile and noxious or too dangerous they didn’t even want to risk the cost of repairing droids to accomplish it. It was pure, predatory exploitation of the most vulnerable residents of the planet. And there are entire cottage industries around it.”

The anger that kindled in his heart when he spoke of that was white hot and fueled with still real memories of what he’d been forced to do to survive.

“And, of course, the pay was a complete joke. I could have worked the rest of my unnaturally accelerated life and wouldn’t have been able to save up enough to book passage off that planet. Then I got injured, and it’s not like I could walk into a med-clinic asking for treatment. So it got infected and finally got so bad that I legitimately traded away every credit I’d scrapped together to buy a bacta tube older than we are. I’m not being hyperbolic when I say I was on the brink of death when Slick found me.”

“Where did you get wounded?” Rex’s protective little brother instincts reared their ugly head, and it was only then that he seemed to notice the blood that soaked through the bandages and the sleeve of his arm. “What the hell Cody?!”

“Relax, I probably just popped a stitch or something. Sy will prolly complain about me ruining her beautiful work or some osik, but it can wait a bit. This is more important.”

The look Rex shot him was unfriendly and patented Captain Rex’s judgment.

“So out of the top five list of people I least expected to show up coming to my rescue was Slick. Right up there with Darth-kriffing-Vader and the vaping Emperor. Not going to lie, vod. He got the drop on me, too; I was sitting there in the garbage and refuse, trying to pull the rags. I laughingly called my shirt, and there Slick was standing over me with a blaster in my face. I thought I was a goner right then and there. Stars know if our situations had been reversed, I wouldn’t have hesitated to put a blaster bolt in his head.”

“Exactly!” Rex huffed.

“And I would have been wrong. He ended up stunning me, taking me back to his ship, and saving my karking life. He gave me medical treatment to keep me from losing my arm or worse and then told me how he was working on smuggling brothers off of Coruscant. He talked about how Howzer and his team saved him and gave him a new purpose. He’s made it his purpose to save as many brothers as possible, and I believe him.”

Rex immediately scoffed at the concept, unwilling to even contemplate that Slick had anything but ulterior motives in mind.

“Think about it. What was the reason he gave us all those years ago for why he betrayed the GAR? He wanted to save as many brothers as possible by cutting the war as short as possible. It was a completely idiotic plan and utter nonsense, but I believe he believed that even now.”

“It doesn’t forgive what he did, Cody.”

“It doesn’t, but everyone deserves redemption. And after three years of rotting in a jail cell, can you say anyone else will understand what our brothers still trapped behind enemy lines are going through?”

“Doesn’t matter; I wouldn’t trust that quacta as far as I could throw him with one finger.”

“I understand that. Allow him to prove you wrong.” An idea that was so wild and radical came to him that he barely dared utter it aloud. “I want to help you with this operation. What you’re doing here is…it’s everything. And I want in. Put Slick under my command, and if he proves to be a traitor, I’ll shoot him myself.”

The questioning look Rex shot him spoke volumes. “Can I trust your judgment on that?”

Cody shot him an exasperated look in return. “Of course, you can. I haven’t forgiven him myself, and I don’t know if I will ever be in a place where I can. But I understand his need to do something. To save as many of our brothers as he can. It’s a chance at redemption for him, and let’s be honest with ourselves. We all have things we want to make amends for. Mistakes we wish we could unmake and people we couldn’t save.”

It didn’t take a graduate in psychology degree to know who Cody was talking about, and Rex just leaned his head against his brother’s with a quiet sigh.

“I couldn’t save Skywalker or Amidala, or Jesse…Kix…Fives. I get it. I hope you’re not setting yourself up for disappointment, vod.”

“If I am, it wouldn’t be the first or last time. Now…tell me about Ahsoka? You managed to get her out?”

Rex sighed and quietly told the painful story of what had happened on the Tribunal and everything that had happened from there. How’d he’d painstakingly build up his network of clones trying to save clones. How he’d heard whispers of a network doing the same thing for Jedi.

That knowledge had Cody’s heart leaping in his throat.

They talked for a while, catching up on what felt like years of missing time when in reality it had barely been a year.

Eventually got interrupted, not by one of the others but by an Eopie whose paddock fence they were seated on made its presence known by nuzzling at the top of Cody’s hair and lipping at his curls in an exploratory manner that didn’t bode well for his continued possession of said hair.

He pulled away with a laughing grimace. “I think it’s trying to eat my hair.”

Rex laughed uproariously at the mental picture. “I mean, you’re not exactly the picture of regulation anything right now, ori’vod. Come on, lets go join the others.”

“Can I trust you to not try and shoot Slick?”

“I won’t shoot him so long as he doesn’t do anything shifty. That’s the best you’re gonna get out of me. And I still think you’re nuts wanting to take him on but if it means we get you as an asset, I’d be a damned fool to look a gift bantha in the mouth.”

#wip sunday #commander cody #commander rex #el writes #fanfiction snippets

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thewanderingace · 2 years ago

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Man I'm so sick and tired of one of my friends. I've been out of work for a while, I only do a measly few hours of voluntary work a week, mainly because of reasons related to anxiety and every time I see them or we have a catch up they feel the need to start asking me questions about whether or not I'm working or been applying for jobs as if it's the only thing that defines a person. A few years ago they even got drunk at a party and asked me if I'm going to get a job because otherwise I'll be fucked in front of a bunch of people, including fucking strangers.

Anyway they messaged on our group chat a few weeks ago for updates on us all since we haven't spoken in a while. I basically avoided the question because I knew they were going to ask me about whether or not I have a job yet as per fucking usual and I wasn't in the mood to explain for the one millionth time that I'm still jobless. So instead of taking the hint that I wasn't up for a conversation, instead they decided to directly message me and ask me straight out if I'm working anywhere 'at all' at the moment. Like no I'm not and I don't see how it's any of your fucking business anyway? I get this crap enough from family members (not my immediate family, they're all understanding). It doesn't even impact you. How much I'd love to fucking tell them that. It just really fucks me off. I know for a fact they're judging me for it, probably bitching about me to their friends and family and it just makes me feel like complete shit.

I'm really sorry for the rant, I just feel like nobody understands that it's not a fucking choice. Trust me I'd love nothing more than to have it all figured out and to be making something of myself instead of relying on my parents at my age even just to shut everyone up and stop them from judging me all the fucking time

Oh nonny I am so sorry you're dealing with that! That's awful!! I've definitely been there, am there. It is not fun and having people constantly remind you about it all sucks so much. It's not okay for your friend to constantly being it up all the time. And to directly tou message you about it? What the fuck? That's ride as hell! It's none of their business how you live your life. And being jobless is so difficult and demeaning and depressing enough without people constantly haranguing you about it. I'm so sorry nonny. Maybe try and tell your friend how you feel and ask them to stop? I had to do that for one friend and it kinda worked. They stopped asking me all the time at least. People really have no idea how hard it is and terrible it feels to be in this situation. It grates on you for sure. You're in good company here nonny.

Also, you can come rant any time. I'm always happy to listen and commiserate.

#stephs stuff #ask #steph replies

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nothorses · 2 years ago

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Seeing you speak about your experiences in school has given me a little hope. I'm pretty similar to you academia-wise (severe ADHD, almost identical story about high school) on top of having a physical disability and depression/anxiety combo, and I'm currently struggling for my life in a community college because the school has been pretty adamant about not giving me accommodations I need. Plus covid meant I discovered online learning is awful for me and I dumpstered my gpa so badly the school almost kicked me out (so yay I have to do in-person classes while being high-risk for covid during a time when no one is masking anymore). But a certain academic subject is basically all I live for. I've been losing hope that I'd ever be able to get into a master's program and do the work I've wanted to do since I was like 3, but I see that you have struggled similarly and were still able to go to a different school and get into a program! That makes me feel a bit more optimistic about my situation. I'm not able to word things very eloquently bc I'm sick as hell with the flu rn but I hope you understand what I mean. Higher education is hostile to human life, especially if you have any kind of disabilities. It's inspiring to see others with similar problems to you be able to persevere.

I'm really glad I've been able to give some hope!! I will say- I credit a lot of my success to getting a diagnosis and treatment, specifically at an age where I was able to make changes I needed to make & was in control of my own identity and autonomy. I also really lucked out on that I majored in education in a school notorious for teaching an extremely progressive philosophy of education; literally designed to help students like me. And the professors generally practiced that, too.

I say this only because I want to be honest about what this stuff can be like- i.e., really hard! You can suffer and claw and drag your way through it, and I don't doubt that you can. But if you can get any help or resources, at all, please please do. If you can find someone at your school who will help you figure that out, please do! Whatever you can to make things even a little bit easier is very, very worth it.

But you can do it. And some tips that helped me:

See if your school has learning disability testing; a lot of community colleges do, and can provide accommodations through that without an official diagnosis.

"Academic renewal" can remove classes from your record that you have retaken for a better grade, or that aren't relevant to your major, which can be a HUGE GPA boost depending on your situation.

Transferring to a 4-year means acceptance rates are a lot higher than if you go straight from high school!

Depending on school and professors, oftentimes your professors will give you accommodations without you needing backup from the disability accommodations office. It's worth asking about!

4-year universities are also more likely to have their own internal healthcare services; I was able to get ADHD treatment through mine, and they deal with that WAY more than any other clinic because it's so relevant to school in the first place. They also often work with external insurances, or they might have a school insurance you already pay for as a student.

I hope you're able to get the support you need, and good luck!! And if school ends up just not being for you, that's okay too- it might not be a bad idea to look into ways you can be involved in your field without a degree, or through some kind of alternative education or trade school program. You can always come back and finish your degree another time; you're entitled to the same catalogue rights from when you first started (i.e. the degree requirements stay the same for you, always.)

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ac3id · 4 years ago

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Plaything | 18+ | part i

plaything 1/ ?? | part 0

pairings: yandere! bully bakugou katsuki x fem! reader

warnings: [series] blackmail, bullying, dubcon/ noncon, filming w/o consent, yandere themes, no quirks au. ALL CHARACTERS ARE ABOVE 18 YEARS OF AGE.

↪ for chapter 1: dubcon, blackmail, humiliation, masturbation, filming w/o consent, boot grinding, a little bit of bakusquad + reader....this is filthy :D

summary: by luck you get enrolled into u.a high the best school in your town. the only catch is that the school is filled with rich, spoilt and powerful brats who just seem to hate you and among them, a certain red eyed blonde dreads you the most

↪ for chapter 1: you bump into bakugou by accident, dropping your vanilla ice cream all over him, you try to apologize and run away but wants more...oh wait why are his friends standing there recording everything too?

wordcount. 4k+

a/n: sooooo, it’s finally out! huge thanks to @sawamooora for proof reading this! helped me out a lot <3 sorry for making u sit through that mess x[

this scene was inspired by that one episode of boys over flowers where the mc’s best friend drops ice cream on the main guy’s shoe and he asks the mc to lick it off...obviously that didn’t happen in the show but it really got me thinking......

alsO the netflix show elite,,, i just saw it and knew,,,,

taglist: @mocha-focha, @erenyeagersbasement , @haribo-pop, @sunshine-fangs, @kuremis, @amazing-fandoms,

dm/ inbox/ comment to be added/ removed.

—navigation

It was a great opportunity. Never in your life would you have thought you’d manage to land a scholarship at the prestigious U.A Private Academy.

The school was a dream, the best in your city, and only affordable for the rich. Graduating from such a school could have helped you with life in so many different ways. Not only would it open doors you could never touch before, but it would help you to form connections which would make your life undoubtedly easier.

Graduating from U.A. was a blessing, but obviously, it did not come easy. It was rather unfortunate. After your previous school building had collapsed, due to some accident, the board announced its year-long closure.

At the time, you were beyond lost and understandably frustrated - it was your last year before college and you simply couldn't risk waiting the year out. The whole situation was nerve-wracking, looking for decent schools which would allow you in.

Honestly, you had no idea what you would’ve done if U.A. hadn’t called you that night.

It was the last day of the summer holidays, a week after your school building had collapsed. Luckily, no one was hurt - but the damage on the campus was severe.

You had been talking to your friends when your mother rushed into your room with exciting news. Apparently, the chairman of U.A was feeling generous. He had decided to offer four excellent students from your school a scholarship to U.A.

You were overjoyed being one of the students along with your two other friends; Shinso Hitoshi and Izuku Midoriya.

At first, the thought was a little scary - going into a completely different world than you were accustomed to. The kids there would be much different than you, you didn't want to be the laughing stock, you didn’t want to be their silly little entertainment... The thought made you nervous, but when your best friend, Izuku, called you the next night explaining how he also won the scholarship; followed by Shinso, you were relieved.

Yes, you were stepping into a whole different world but you at least had your two friends with you.

And that brought you to the first day of school.

You stood outside the huge gates of the even enormous academy all alone shaking in your little, expensive skirt they forced you to wear as the uniform waiting for your friends. You promised the two boys you’d wait for them, and besides, you weren’t planning on entering the building all alone.

Your friends, Shinso and Midoriya, lived close to each other. They were supposed to meet you at the gates of the school that morning, but they were running late. Your anxiety grew the longer you stayed there, with students filling the place- arriving in their fancy cars with their expensive bags and accessories. It easily made you feel out of place.

“Hey,” you heard someone before someone tapped on your shoulder. You quickly turned around to greet the voice. Staring back at you was Uraraka Ochaco.

You remembered she was in your school too, Midoriya has a huge crush on her.

“Yes, Uraraka? Right?” You weren’t close to her, nothing but mere acquaintances. But seeing her face - right here, right now - it made your day.

Uraraka was dressed in the same uniform as you, there was no doubt that she was one of the four kids who won the scholarship. Both of you talked while you implored her to wait for Midoriya and Shinso. You didn’t fail to notice the way her cheeks turned pink when you mentioned Midoriya. The two of them were so obvious.

Your friends arrived, they were late, but they came.

Apparently, there was an accident that forced them to stay back a little longer, but they managed to make it before the first bell.

“I actually have an old friend who goes there now,” Midoriya confesses out of the blue as the four of you enter the gates. You look at him in awe.

During the three years in high school that both of you had spent together, he had never mentioned any friend of his going to the U.A. academy ever.

“Why did you never tell us?” Uraraka asks.

“well, we’re not on good terms. He used to live in the same neighborhood before his parent’s business took off. He left after middle school.” Midoriya says, a slight frown forming on his face.

“Who is he?” Shinso asks.

Midoriya pauses briefly before explaining his entire history with a temperamental and rude blonde. Bakugou Katsuki, he calls him. His childhood friend. But from what you managed to gather, Bakugou was anything but a friend to Midoriya.

Bakugo was once just a simple boy, living a simple life, destined to do great things - but once his parent’s clothing line ‘Dynamite’ blew up and became mainstream, he started drowning in wealth. Bakugo moved out of his old neighborhood at the starting of high school before enrolling in U.A., just like all his rich friends.

“Maybe you should say hi,” Uraraka suggests. Midoriya’s expressions turned sheepish.

“About that…” he started. “I called him yesterday, got his number from mom, and-” he stopped.

“What did he say?” Shinso asked.

“He told me to get lost and die,” Midoriya said with a slight frown on his face, looking down.

That was your first impression of Katsuki Bakugou. For a man you had not even met, you sure loathed him.

School went smoothly for a week, everything was going great. The four of you kept your profile low, didn’t talk until spoken to, kept your distance, and everything was okay.

People often starred and whispered amongst each other when they saw you in the hallways, but that was about it. Everyone seemed to be decent but… there’s always a but.

Everything took a turn for the worse when you managed to piss off the wrong person, Bakugo Katsuki himself.

It was an honest mistake, not even that big of a deal - especially for his standards Yet, for some reason, Bakugo wanted to get under your skin.

It happened after your lunch break, you were on your way back to your classroom with an ice-cream cone fasted tightly in your hands. You mindlessly dashed through the hallways, trying your best to get back to class as fast as possible - you don’t want to be late. It’d earn you a bad reputation. You don’t need that- you don't want anything which could jeopardize your scholarship.

You walked straight and took a turn. Just by fate, you bumped into a stiff, hard chest making you wobble on your feet and sending your ice cream from your hand flying straight to the ground.

“Shit,” you cursed, looking down seeing what you had to work with.

The ice-cream cone splattered on the floor, the white creamy liquid flushed all over the floor along with staining an expensive-looking, black leather boot. A snarl comes from above you along with a group of chuckles. More expensive shoes come into your line of view as you realize you’re not alone.

You slowly bring your gaze up, ogling at who you just pissed off.

Staring back at you is a furious blonde, glaring at you with such intensity that it makes your stomach drop. It’s the infamous Bakugou Katsuki, you don’t want to deal with him.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going,” you don’t give him a chance to complain as you take your flight. Quickly, you try running away but a large hand grabs your forearm, stopping you dead in your tracks.

You look to the side, deep red eyes stare right back at you.

“Where are you running off to? Don’t you think you owe my friend here a proper apology?” Kirishima says, his grip on your arm growing tighter. He towers over you, his huge body trapping you with intimidation.

Going to U.A for over a week there’s a thing or two that you’ve learned about the rich, snobby brats who own the school. Not everyone is bad, a few of them are actually but the rest are just bad.

Bakugou was the worst. From how Midoriya described him, you knew for a fact he’d be a horrible person. But hell, he managed to prove himself even worse.

He was crude, mean, downright arrogant, and ignorant. Always screaming unasked opinions on top of his lungs, and gets mad whenever someone disagrees. He acts like the world revolves around him.

Bakugo had a bunch of friends who he called his “followers” and they weren’t any better.

They just watched while Bakugou ruined everything, they were there to support him.

Kirishima Eijirou the redhead, he was captain of the football team. He was a jock, brawns over brains kind of person. Girls cooed over him and his overly attractive, hot body. It looked as if he was sculpted by God himself.

Next was Kaminari Denki. He was in the school band, dating the lead singer. And yet, he managed to find time to flirt with other girls. He was the goofball of the group, dumb and stupid But he always knew what he was doing. Even though it was barely noticeable, you could always see a devious glint in those amber eyes of his.

Sero Hanta was famous for a lot of reasons. Most notably for having brought illegal drugs on the campus and skipping classes to go down to his junkie hangout spot to smoke weed. The man had no shame. Sometimes, he’d walk into the classrooms high as fuck. The teachers couldn’t do anything even if they tried, his parents practically owned the school; he owned the school. There was no going against the tall, lanky man who looked like he couldn’t even smash a bug. He held the most power and his friends sure knew how to abuse it.

Last but not least was Mina Ashido. The one and only girl member of the self-proclaimed ‘bakusquad’. Sometimes, Jirou Kyouka, the lead singer of the school, would hang out with the boys and her boyfriend, but she wasn’t a permanent member. Mina was.

In your opinion, Mina was a nightmare dressed like a daydream. With her short, pink hair and bright smile, she seemed like an angel. But she was the devil. Worse than even Bakugou, perhaps.

She knew everything about everyone, she had leverage galore: screenshots ready to leak, videos ready to ruin lives. She had them all, and frankly- she scared you the most.

Kirishima pushed you back, and Bakugo caught you by your shoulders.

“That was fucking rude,” he growled, biting his fingers into your shoulder blades tight and hard making you squeal. “Are you fucking blind or something? Fucking extra.”

“I said I’m sorry, let me go will you?” Even in such a terrifying situation, you try to remain calm.

“What do you think, Sero?” Kaminari began. Your heart sank, including Sero into anything was never a good sign.

“She ruined Bakugou’s new shoes,” he continued. Bakugou’s hold on you tightened and you winced, turning back to him and returning his glare.

“Okay, what do you want?” you give in, finally. A mischievous spark lights up in his crimson eyes as flashes a cocky smirk to his friends before turning back to you with a frown. He pushes you towards Mina and she catches you with an arm around your shoulder.

“Those were expensive, right?” she looks at you and then back at Bakugou. He grunts, nodding.

“Fuck yes, I’m pissed as hell. Some fucking extra managed to ruin it.”

You look back down to steal a glance at his heavy, leather boot. The small, white stain melted away.

“What will you do to make up for it?” Mina whispers your name and you cringe. They were teasing you. For their fun, they were making fun of you.

“What can I do?” you say, sarcastically. Prying yourself away from her hold. The crowd goes dead silent before speaking. Sero is the first one to talk.

“Lick it off.”

There’s a pause, no one speaks. Your stomach drops and your face pales at the look the five of them are giving you- it’s serious. Dead serious.

Kaminari bursts out laughing followed by Sero and the others. The four of them get a great laugh but Bakugou stares at you head-on with his grave expressions burning through your soul.

“Whatcha looking at? Do it,” he commands.

The laughing dies down and Kaminari speaks, “are you serious? You want her to lick your shoe,” he can’t control his laughter, a chuckle breaks with every word.

“Yes, I’m fucking serious. Besides, Sero recommended it,” he smirks. “Do you really want to say no to him? I don’t know so much about this but-“ he leans down close to your face, his lips ghosting the shell of your ear, “it might complicate your scholarship.”

There’s a twisted rhythm in his voice. He’s enjoying tormenting you. You still want to believe that they’re just messing around. That they’ll have their laughs and let you go, but the way Sero stares at you says otherwise.

“You don’t wanna do it?” Bakugou asks.

“Of course she doesn’t! That’s gross, oh my god.” Mina exclaims, earning a chuckle from the rest of the boys.

“Hey, let’s hear it from Sero himself.” Kirishima pats Sero’s back, pushing him forward. The five of them have circled around you, coiling you inside their venomous nest with you in the center. You turn to Sero with pleading eyes, looking up at his huge form, begging.

He smirks looking down at you, you look so tiny beneath bim. He wants to mess with you, even more, you look like a nice toy to him. He wants to play with it until he can’t.

“I guess, I did say that-” your blood runs cold, heartbeat picking up in nervousness. “-but you don’t need to do it.” He finishes. Your face lights up while the others groan in disappointment. Bakugou looks livid.

“Just know that, you’re the one who dropped the ice cream on Bakugou’s shoe and now you’re not even helping him out. That’s not very noble, is it? I don’t know if I even by mistake slipped that info back home- my parents might reconsider whether you truly deserve to be here or not. They don’t really like disrespectful kids who comprise the school’s name.”

Sero ends his speech with a wide, ear-to-ear grin, followed by a pat to your head.

“The choice is yours.”

You pause for a moment and think. Where they were really going to make you do it, where they were really going to humiliate you like this. They were. But were you willing to do it?

From Sero’s threat, you could tell he was serious, this was legit.

It wouldn’t have been the first time the school expelled someone who had beef with Sero, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. They don’t care about anyone but their loving son. They wouldn’t even think once before expelling you.

“What’s your answer, princess?” Kirishima teases.

Mina and Kaminari once again break into fits of laughter.

“What do you mean? She doesn’t have a choice here, kneel you extra.” Your heart hammers in your chest as Bakugou gestures you to kneel. You stop for a second, breathing unevenly- thinking. After a long, thoughtful sigh, you answer.

“No, I am not going to do it.” Your voice is meek yet clear. Even though you’re trembling under the heavy gazes of five snakes, you choose to stand your ground.

Bakugou glaring at you while the others boo.

“Aw, c’mon you don’t mean that.”

“Don’t be a little brat.”

Bakugou stays silent while the others continue to throw insults at you - calling you names and trying to make you regret your decision. You look straight forward into Bakugou’s cold, red eyes, searching for his next move. Your heart beats even harder in your chest with increased anxiety. After watching your torment for more than a few minutes, Bakugo decides he’s had enough of this game.

“Hey, shitty hair,” Bakugo starts. “Punch me.”

“What?” Kirishima asks, vividly shaken. “Why do you want me to hit you, Bakubro?”

“Punch me real hard, give me a black eye.” The confusion grows greater on everyone’s faces. You stare at him in awe, wondering what angle was trying to play.

Kirishima raises his hands in defense. “Woah, dude slow down there. I’m not just going to punch you.”

Bakugou clicks the roof of his tongue, letting out a sound of irritation. “You all are just dumb,” he starts.

“Imagine if this punny, little,” he leans down closer to you till his lips touch your ears and whispers your name with a crude chuckle. “Were to drop all her food over me, not apologize, punch and me then run away, that’d bring her into a whole world of trouble. Wouldn’t it?”

Bakugo’s words are calculated and sly, he knows exactly what he’s getting at when he starts. His voice fills you up with dread as he makes his accusations public.

“She would be expelled on spot and Kacchan could also raise charges,” Kaminari adds.

Your eyes widen in fear.

“Yeah, I’ll fucking do that.” Mina giggles. “That would succck,” she cheers. Your lower lip quivers as you stare at them in disbelief, your eyes open wide only to be covered with fear.

“Hey, c’mon, why are you doing this to me?” You feel them inch closer to you, their warmth leeching onto you the longer you stay surrounded by them.

“Because you have no fucking manners.” Bakugou snarls.

“Kiri, punch him. What are you waiting for? If you don’t wanna do it I will!” Kaminari cries, growing impatient.

Kirishima laughs before he charges Bakugou. Your heart hammers in your chest.

You think about your family, your future, and how disappointed everyone would be with you. Your dreams and aspirations, all were rooted in this school.

It was honestly sad, pathetic even. Your entire future was just a joke to these spoiled kids. These kids who could control you, and everyone else, with just a flick of their fingers. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the price to pay for a piece of the beautiful cake known as U.A... You resign yourself to your fate.

A piece of your mind.

“N-no, don’t do that. I-I’ll do it,” you murmured, your voice timid and weak. The five paused looking at each other with an ominous glint in their eyes. Bakugou was the first to speak.

“Well, then fucking get on with it. On your knees.” Obediently like a trained puppy, you got down onto your knees, not letting your eyes fall from Bakugou’s face. His red, fierce eyes barked at you with an unknown look, keeping you lost.

“Holy shit, she’s actually doing this,” Mina squealed watching you lean forward, bringing your face next to Bakugou’s expensive boots.

“Kaminari, record this.” Sero taps at the energetic blonde, forcing him to take his phone out and hit ‘record’. As you lean further to the ground, your short skirt rides up behind you, giving the audience a clear view of your round ass and pastel panties. The sight brings a smile to Bakugou’s face as he scoffs.

“Cute panties,” he remarks.

You jerk, trying desperately to sit back, but Bakugo stops you. Smashing his other foot on top of your shoulder, he holds you there facing the ground.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” he growls.

You squirm, almost falling under his weight and as much you hate to admit it, a tingle of excitement runs down your spine. This was turning you on.

A row of whistles flood in, the boys start teasing you and praising Bakugou.

“Lick it off,” he commands.

You look down at his leather boot, the ice cream almost melted. There’s still a bright white spot of the sweet now liquid splayed out. Even though it’s not a lot, it still makes you cringe. You peek your shy, little tongue out timidly, forcing yourself to do the heinous deed.

Bakugou watches you hesitate and pushes on your shoulder harder making you reach towards him.

You give in after a final attempt, diving into his wishes. Your wet tongue touches the rough, cold leather. You cringe after a single touch, closing your eyes and scrunching your nose at the salty taste. “Clean it all off,” he commands.

You dive back in, this time letting your tongue glide across a larger portion. The humiliation burns through your body. It makes you uncomfortably hot, mostly from anger and but a little bit of arousal.

“Nice ass.”

There it is. The excitement comes back the moment they start making suggestive comments, the attention riles you up and it’s horrible.

“Kaminari are you even supposed to be here? Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Mina asks at the blonde pervert who was currently zooming on your ass.

“Oh? We’re cool as long as I don’t stick my dick her,” he points to you. “That’s hella fucking tempting but I’m in love, dude.” He chuckles to himself, thinking about his girlfriend.

They treat you like an object, talking about you like you were some sort of a toy.

“Bet her pussy is tight,” Sero says.

Kirishima turns to Bakugou, looking at him with pleading eyes. “Yo, Bakubro, can we touch her?”

Bakugou looks on from watching you lick his boot and turns to Kirishima. A dark, unsettling gaze falls across his eyes as he speaks, “No. This one is mine.” he stares down at you.

You stop lapping on his shoe and stand back on your knees, buckling your knees you try to get up but Bakugou harshly kicks your shoulder, throwing you back and making you cry.

“Why did you do that?” you squeal, holding onto your bruised shoulder, glaring at him intently.

The rest of the group goes quiet at the display of Bakugou’s sudden violence.

He stands between your thighs, lazily resting his foot atop of your soft thighs.

“You’re fucking pathetic, you know that?” the angle you were spread out in had your skirt flipped over hips, displaying your pretty, pastel panties to everyone in the room.

Even though it’s subtle, masked by everyone’s fear of what Bakugou was planning, you still feel everyone’s gaze focused right on you and more specifically at your clothed cunt. Bakugou presses hard on your thigh making you cry.

“Useless Deku’s friends are just like him. The fucking second you walked in here, I knew you were just another useless insect for me to stomp on.” He pauses, smirking, pressing his foot onto you even harder, twisting his ankle to increase the burning sting surging across your right thigh. “And I’m doing just that.”

He steps off you for a moment, letting you catch your breath and recover from the burn. His eyesight travels lower down to your panties. He admires the cute pair you had on. Normally when he’d see girls naked, they’d dress themselves up the most luxurious to match his standards. But that’s not you, that could never be you.

He rejoices at the thought of seeing your flushed, tear-stained face breaking down under him. You’ll never be like those girls, always a step behind. He can build you up and break you however he likes, you’d have no say in it.

The power trip drives him crazy.

He presses the tip of his boot over your clothed clothed cunt, pushing the hard material right over your sensitive clit.

You gasp at the feeling, looking up at him with terrified eyes. He smirks down at you, moving his foot in a steady rhythm, rubbing the fabric of your cotton panties against your little pearl.

“This turning you on? What a freak.” The rest of his group basks in shock. They watch intently as the scene spiraled out for them, too captivated to make any comments. They just keep quiet and stare.

The way you squirm under Bakugou as he plays with your cute clit so unforgivingly makes them hot with excitement. Kaminari feels a little guilty but he blames it on his nature as a man.

Sero feels a little bad for you, they all do. But then again they wouldn’t waste the opportunity to be in Bakugou’s footsteps- literally.

“You’re a little slut, you know that?” Bakugou sneers.

Your gasps turn into whimpers as his simulation becomes harder. You clench your fists, desperately wishing it to be over. Tears brim in your eyes at the sheer humiliation of your corrupted form. This was just too much, too much for you to handle.

“Please, stop,” you beg, knowing he wouldn't listen. “I’ll report you,” you cry. A roar of laughter starts, shutting you up.

“Go for it, you do that.” Mina comments. Kaminari walks closer to you, bringing the camera down to your face recording your horrified expressions.

“We’ll just go ahead and post this online.” he threatens.

A drop of tear falls down your waterline following a waterfall. You cry, leave all of your dignity behind and cry. You beg them to stop but as your pleas mix with your moans, it’s hard for anyone to understand what you’re saying. It’s not like they don’t know what you’re asking them for, they just turn deaf, simply because they can.

Bakugou stops, he takes a step back, leaving you alone. You let out the tiniest cry when he leaves, ditching you just when you need his touch the most.

“Feels like I’m doing too much of the work, if you want it so bad, do this yourself.” He says. Your body still burns with desire, your clit still hard and cunt salivating, you are nowhere close to being done...

It’s as if something takes over and you are possessed by the dire need to cum, you do exactly as he says.

You snake your fingers down your panties, deliberately rubbing on your swollen little clit before pushing your finger into your drenched cunt. You cry out as you clench around your finger, the pleasure becoming unbearable. Your legs shake and you close your eyes shut.

You stay there on the floor, fingering yourself in the corridor, without any shame, while Kaminari records all of it.

“She’s gonna give me a hard-on,” Kirishima says and you moan.

“She really is a slut, huh?” Sero comments.

“She’s cute,” Mina adds with a smile.

Bakugou scoffs, “does Deku know how much of a whore you are?” He asks.

You don’t pay any attention to what he says, too busy bringing yourself to your climax.

“You’re getting all this right?” Mina looks over Kaminari’s shoulder and onto the phone screen which captures you beautifully losing yourself for everyone to see.

“You close?” Bakugou asks as you feel yourself clench around fingers tightly, he bends down on his and pulls your panties down your hips, admiring your precious cunt.

“Cute pussy,” he remarks before flicking your sensitive, hardened clit.

A rush of pleasure washes down your body as you cry while cumming. Bakugou pushes you right over the edge, a nasty grin screaming atop his face as he watches you. You curse at yourself for letting him see you like this, but there’s not much you can do but cry while you feel your juices gush around you before sliding down your thighs and onto the dirty floor.

It takes a second for you to calm down and when you do come to your senses, dread fills you up. Tears shamelessly fall down your face as you realize what you just did. The others laugh at you, without feeling any remorse.

Bakugou continues to stare at you with an unsettling look, while the others discuss the heinous crime you’ve just committed.

Sero looks down at you and you catch his dark eyes staring at you. A toothy grin scavenges his face as he speaks.

“Awesome,” he says as if he just finished some mediocre movie.

Finally, you find the courage to get up and run.

This was totally not awesome.

814 notes · View notes

willwriteforhugs · 4 years ago

Text

ateez says “i love you” for the first time

ateez scenario - all members (individually) x reader

genre: fluff, angst if your vision is worse than 20/60

word count: 4k (total)

warnings: minor intrusive thoughts, some arguing and cursing

a/n: this fic should be taken lightheartedly! i really enjoyed writing this, but please remember that it is for entertainment purposes only. also beware: some of these are a bit longer than others? please know that it wasn’t intentional lol (no writer’s bias here!) also, the gif above does not belong to me! thank you so much for reading <3

hongjoong:

quiet, repetitive sound effects play through the outside of hongjoong’s headphones. you sigh, resting your head on his shoulder. even when your boyfriend isn’t working, he’s working.

you’d been together two months already, but sometimes you worried. he was so busy, and you knew it wasn’t his fault... but you weren't sure how he really felt about you. for you, the first few dates had been butterflies-in-the-stomach, giggling-like-crazy, head-over-heels-for-this-man type emotions. but as you sit in his studio on this saturday night, you start to wonder if he’d ever felt those things.

you tilt your head to look at him. god, he’s beautiful. those long lashes that you would absolutely kill for, his curious eyes... everything about him screamed “love of your life!!!”

hongjoong shifts in his seat, glancing down at you. he smiles a little, and plants a small kiss on your temple. “ten more minutes, my love. i’m almost done.”

you smile and nod sleepily.

the ten minutes pass in relative silence, minus joong’s music, which was accompanied by the tapping of his foot.

finally, he shuts his laptop. he stands up, returning to his desk to put everything back in order. you stay where you are, watching him.

after a moment, you stand up. “i’m gonna go heat up the car.”

he looks back at you, already protesting. “babe, you don’t need to do that. plus it’s late- i don’t want you out there all alone.”

“i’ll be okay, hongjoong. you know how cold that car will be.”

he holds your gaze for a moment. “alright.”

you turn to leave as he continues talking.

“i’ll be out in just a minute, okay? i love you.”

you freeze, halfway out the door. your head swivels back, and your boyfriend is staring at you with wide eyes, clearly catching what he’d said.

“what did you say?”

he’d said it in passing. of course he loves you, the same way hongjoong loves everyone, why would he-

“i said i love you,” he sighs. he sets down his bag and crosses the room in large strides. he comes to a stop in front of you, and lifts his hands to cradle your face. “and i meant it. i do. i didn’t mean to tell you like that, but- yeah. i love you.”

your voice cracks when you finally manage to speak. “i love you, too.”

seonghwa:

the heels of your boots make angry clicking sounds on the floor of the apartment complex. tears prick at your eyes, and you increase your pace.

just get through the door, y/n. don’t you dare cry in public.

work had been awful, of course. apparently, you’d made a mistake while filing paperwork last week, and now the whole office was behind, scrambling to make up for lost time. learning about your slip up had been hard enough. being absolutely screamed at by your boss had pushed you over the edge. you had managed to finish your hours, but now, you practically sprint for the safety of your apartment.

you take the stairs two at a time, dignity long abandoned. when you get to your front door, your hands shake trying to unlock it. a sob tears through your throat. why, god? what did i do to you?

the door finally swings open, and you stumble inside. kicking off your shoes, you walk straight to the bedroom, where you sink to the floor and begin to cry.

thump.

you raise your head. what the hell was that?

thump.

a beat passes, then a voice from the other room: “hello? y/n, is that you?”

the door to your bedroom opens, and there he is. seonghwa, your boyfriend of only three months, stands in the doorway. upon seeing you, his face cracks.

“y/n? babe, what happened? i thought i heard you get home, are you okay?”

hearing your boyfriend’s concern only made you cry harder. frantic, he hits the floor next to you and tugs your hands away from your face. “talk to me. what happened?”

your voice is croaky and broken, but you manage to recap the story from work. by the end of it, seonghwa looks almost as emotional as you do.

“what a douchebag. who does he think he is?”

you reach out and gently swat at his thigh. “don’t talk all big.”

he manages a small smile. “i’m sorry, y/n. tell me what you need right now. let me help you.”

“can... can you just hold me?”

this is something seonghwa knows how to do. he crawls over to you and leans against the bed, hugging you tightly from behind. “yes, i can do that.”

a beat passes.

“you know i love you, right?”

your heart skips a beat. he’d never said that before, not like this. but you don’t say anything. you reply by sinking deeper into his hold, letting out a long sigh.

he understands.

yunho:

“okay, seriously. where are we going?” you look over at your boyfriend, feeling the edges of anxiety begin to creep in.

yunho, who’s seated at the wheel of the car, looks over at you, his eyes crinkling slightly. a smile tugs at his lips. “why are you worried?”

you huff and slouch back in your seat. your seat belt digs into your shoulder, making you cringe. “i’m not worried.” you lie. “i just want to know where you’re taking me.”

“well, i already told you- it’s a surprise.”

“yes, but-” you hold up your hand, counting on your fingers. “it’s not my birthday. it’s not your birthday. it’s not a holiday. it’s not our anniversary. so. what is it?”

yunho glances at you again, exasperated. “you are so difficult. just let me treat you, you dumbass.”

“treat me? yunho-ah, i swear to god-”

“don’t! it’s nothing big! now shut up- you’re on talking restrictions.”

you gape at him. “talking restrictions? i’m not a six year old-”

“oh look, we're here!” your counterpart shouts over you. he turns the vehicle and pulls into a parking lot you don’t recognize. you peer out the window, craning your neck in order to see the building in front of you. “is this a hotel?”

yunho hums a confirmation. “your bag is in the back.”

- - -

ten minutes later, you find yourself standing in what’s probably the nicest hotel room you’ve ever graced. you gape at your boyfriend, hoping he realizes how crazy he is.

yunho sees your expression and laughs, his hand instinctively rising to cover his teeth. “do you like it?”

you stutter, unable to hide your surprise. “i- yes, of course. but, yunho, you said it wasn’t anything big!”

he laughs again. “nothing’s too big for you, love.”

your face flushes. god, you love him. yes, he is a hopeless romantic, and yes, he says cheesy things. but you’d been in love with him for a while now, you think. since before he’d even asked you out. you’d always admired him from afar, but yes- you know it was love all along.

“um. is there...a particular... reason? for this?” you manage. surely this isn’t as random as it seems.

yunho crosses the room to stand with you, wrapping his long arms around you. you step back in surprise. “yunho-ah?”

he buries his face in your neck, inhaling. “yeah, i-yeah. i guess i just wanted to say-” he pulls away to meet your eyes. “i just wanted to say- to show that i love you.”

you blink, and say the first thing you think of.

“thank you?”

yunho looks surprised for a moment- then bursts into laughter. you gasp, trying to backtrack. “wait- no- no i love you too,” you scramble.

yunho bends over, only laughing harder. “babe-” he says between wheezes. “that was so funny. i love you so much.”

you’re laughing too, now.

yeosang:

your finger traces circles on the fabric of the couch, and you sigh contentedly. you glance to your left, gazing up at your boyfriend, who’s scrolling on his phone. you and yeosang are only a few months into your relationship, but nights like this already feel so natural.

but looking up at him now, you can’t help but feel that something’s a bit off. you sit up, brushing his arm away from you. “yeosang?”

he looks up at you, eyes wide and curious. “what?”

“are you alright?”

he looks a bit taken aback. “what do you mean?”

“i don’t know, you just- you seem stiff. did something happen? or- was there something you needed to talk about?”

for a moment, he doesn’t answer. then he sighs, running a hand through his hair. “you’ve gotten really good at reading me, you know that?”

you tilt your head. “sure, i guess? what did you need to talk about?”

“oh, it’s just- um- something i wanted to say...” his voice trails off.

you lean forward, worried. “what?”

you’ve known yeosang so long, but you have no idea where he’s going with this. what if he wants to break up? what if he wants to go to third base? do people even say ‘third base’ anymore? what if-

“it’s just. um.” he pauses again, even after interrupting your thoughts. “iloveyou,” he says in a rush. as soon as the words leave his mouth, yeosang’s face turns beet red. his expression twists into a grimace.

you feel your own face betray your surprise. “wait, what?”

he won’t meet your eyes, but your heart speeds up. “yeosang-yah, what did you say?”

he responds in a mumble. “i said i love you.”

you feel so many things at once, and you want to say a million things. you’d dated before, but no one had ever told you they loved you. you feel your eyes begin to burn from withholding tears. “yeosang.”

he looks up at you, his eyes begging for something more.

“i love you too.” you cut him off before he can ask. “and before you ask- yes, i’m sure.”

you reach forward, running a finger down the side of his face. “you dumbass.”

his eyes widen in mock anger. “dumbass!? i can’t even-” he grabs your waist and shoves you back on the couch. “i can’t believe you!”

you burst into laughter. “big words for a man who’s just confessed his love!”

san:

“i don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”

you throw your hands in the air, exasperated.

san’s face flushes red. “well i don’t know what you want from me!”

your mouth drops open as he turns away. “no. no fucking way- you can’t walk in here and start a fight just to leave! you don’t know what you want from me? you started this!!”

your boyfriend turns to face you again. his eyes burn with barely controlled anger. “no- i wanted a civil conversation. you were the one who went and got all defensive.”

“san, you’re accusing me! how the hell am i supposed to respond?”

“i didn’t accuse you of anything. i asked you a damn question.”

“an accusatory question.”

san rolled his eyes with so much emotion it hurt to watch. you clench your hands. you couldn’t believe him. don’t misunderstand- you and san usually got along great, and the two of you had been in a steady relationship for a few months now. but san was so emotional- in a way you just weren't. you didn’t understand his emotional insecurities. so when he came home asking why you felt the need to ignore him in favor of your other friends- you couldn’t believe your ears.

back in the moment, you make a groaning sound. “san-ah,” you begin, trying to keep your voice even. “i just don’t understand what makes you think all that.”

san is still upset, clearly. he scoffs, tossing his head. “please, y/n- you’re always making excuses to leave, it’s like you don’t even want to see me!”

“but that’s not true!”

“just the other night you went out with friends, when i specifically said i wanted to be with you!”

“but san- i hardly see them either! you know how busy i am-”

“i’m even busier than you are!” he argues.

“don’t cut me off!” you seethe. “besides, why is it any business of yours when i want to go out? i don’t-”

“of course it’s my business!” san steps closer, pointing down at your chest. “it’s my business because i love you!”

your words die in your throat. “i...what?”

he loves you? now? he’d never told you that before...

what just happened?

san grimaces, and the anger leaves his face. his whole body seems to deflate.

your own pulse seems to slow down, and you sigh. san runs a hand through his hair, looking away.

“y/n, i... i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to-” he cuts himself off, as if afraid of his own words.

“san....”

“no, i’m sorry. i can’t believe i blew up like that.” he looks saddened as he takes a step towards you. his hand brushes your elbow, and you shut your eyes.

you hear him whisper; “can i hold you?”

you nod, then practically melt in his arms. “i’m sorry, too.” you mumble into his chest. for a moment, the two of you just stand there, letting the embrace linger.

“did...” you begin. “did you mean it? what you said?”

san pulls away to gaze into your eyes. he brushes a stray hair from your eyes.

“yeah. yeah, i did. i’m sorry i told you like that.”

you pause. “it’s okay. i love you too, though.”

for the first time tonight, your boyfriend smiles.

mingi:

it’s snowing. and for the first time this season, too. you can’t help but grin as you watch the snow fall, face peeking through the curtains.

“are you actually that excited?”

you turn to look mingi, your boyfriend, in the eye. “yes, yes i am. are you telling me you’re not?”

he smiles- a big, genuine smile, the one you’d grown to love more than anything. “no, i am. i’m gonna throw it at you, though. just a warning.”

you make a face, and turn back to the window. you and mingi had only been dating a few weeks, but you’d known each other much longer than that. though your relationship had only just begun, it felt like you’d been dating for years.

many of your girlfriends had said the beginning of a relationship was- while being the most fun part- also the most stressful. there was supposed to be a lot of pressure. but you didn’t feel that way with mingi. you had kissed him only when you felt comfortable, you had met his family only when you felt comfortable... though you hadn’t slept together yet, you felt no rush. part of you wondered if you were doing something wrong, but mingi seemed happy too, so you tried not to overthink it.

the snow continues to fall in large chunks. after a few moments of peace, you hear an odd shuffling behind you. you turn around, and mingi is standing there, wearing a full winter parka, looking like he was about to pick you up.

“dammit!” he curses. “i was gonna try to scare you.”

“ha-ha.” you deadpan.

“yeah, yeah. put this on.” he tosses your own coat at you, and gestures for you to hurry.

“hold on, you don’t actually want to go play in that, do you?”

“that’s exactly what we’re doing.”

you start to protest, but mingi cuts you off by snatching your coat back and zipping you in it himself. then he grabs you by the waist and drags you off the couch.

after several minutes of wrestling, you find yourself outside in the cold, sitting on your butt in a snowbank. “oh, it’s on, you little-”

mingi laughs and runs away, then picks up an armful of snow and tosses it in your face. you blink in shock, and he doubles over, laughing even harder than before.

“song mingi! you have some nerve!”

the next 15 minutes consist of you and mingi trying to see how much snow you could force onto the other, along with the occasional laugh break.

finally, mingi collapses onto his back in the snow, breathing heavily. you plop down next to him, giggling.

“i hate you,” you say between hiccups of laughter.

he turns and grins at you, before turning his face to the sky. “well, i love you.”

you catch his eye, unsure that you heard him correctly. “come again?”

“i love you!” he shouts at the sky, then rolls over to meet your gaze. before you can manage an answer, he leans over and presses his cold lips against yours.

wooyoung:

you take another deep breath, determined to keep your heart rate down.

you are going to do fine. it’s just one interview...

oh, but you really want this job. what if you do terribly?

you shove the thought out of your head. you glance at the clock. 10:56. 19 minutes until you either do amazing or fuck up your entire career. you reach over and pick up your phone. you’d left early, so should you just try to kill the time?

you have a text. it’s from wooyoung, your boyfriend.

wooyoung: hey

wooyoung: if you see this before your interview call me

you wonder what he could possibly need from you right now, but you hit dial anyways.

you and wooyoung were... a lot. for a while, you’d been in a “relationship that’s not really a relationship” type of thing... but he’d only officially asked you out a few weeks ago. you liked him a lot, actually. you loved how outgoing he was, and how much he seemed to care about you. and his friends were nice. plus, he was- well- not bad on the eyes.

he picks up on the second ring. “hey!”

“hi?” you ask. “was there something you needed?”

on the line, wooyoung fakes a gasp. “i can’t just talk to you whenever i want?”

“you asked me to call you.”

“whatever.”

you sigh, laughing a little.

“anyways,” he continues. “i just wanted to see how you were doing. i know you were worried.” your heart flutters at the thought that he was thinking of you now. but the interview...

“oh.” your mind turns back to the event to come. “right. uh, i’ll be okay.”

“are you sure?”

“yes, wooyoung. i mean, i’m definitely nervous, and i can think of 1000 ways this could go wrong, but overall, i’m alright!”

your boyfriend laughs. “i know. really, i know you’ll do well. you’re one of the smartest people i know- they’d be fools to turn you down.”

- - -

three hours later, you sit at your kitchen table, mindlessly picking at your lunch. across from you, wooyoung looks concerned.

“baby, is the food bad, or...?”

you look up. “no! no, not at all! i’m just- i’m just not very hungry.”

wooyoung’s eyes crinkle with sympathy. “you’re nervous?”

yes. yes, of course. you have no idea how that interview went. but you were positive that the man in the grey suit hated your guts, even though-

“y/n-ah,” your boyfriend calls you back down to earth. “it’ll be fine. please eat.”

you shove some of the food into your mouth, more to satisfy him than yourself. suddenly, your cell phone rings. the sound makes you jump. you pull it out answering it automatically. “yes?”

as the voice on the other end of the line talks, you nearly drop your chopsticks. wooyoung leans forward, trying to eavesdrop, and you shoo him away.

a minute passes, and you slowly lower your phone as the woman on the line ends the call. your boyfriend is staring at you.

“who was that?”

your voice is froggy. “wooyoung- i got the job.”

a beat passes, then he leaps up. “you- you did?!? i knew it! oh my god!” he grabs your wrists and yanks you out of your seat. he spins you in a frantic circle, ending it by slamming you into his chest, hugging you hard.

“i knew you could do it, baby. wow, i love you so much.”

your heart skips a beat at these words, but wooyoung himself doesn’t seem to catch them- he keeps talking, because that’s just who he is. but you don’t miss it.

you know he meant it.

jongho:

“boom! look at that one!” you laugh, fitting together another set of puzzle pieces.

jongho, your boyfriend, glances over, letting a small smile escape his lips. “it’s upside down, babe.”

you look back down at the pieces, realizing he’s right.

“oops.” you giggle, flipping them upright. “i think they do go on the left, though.”

you’d been so excited for today. you had done nothing all morning, only being able to think about what you were going to do with your boyfriend later. nowadays, with ateez’s popularity, you had very little alone time with jongho. you’d only been dating a short while- but you still wanted to see him as often as possible.

so when he’d come up to your apartment holding a jigsaw puzzle, you immediately agreed to participate. you’d never been particularly good at puzzles, but jongho seemed to enjoy them. it’s the calm, you think. there’s a lot of chaos in his day to day job, so it’s really not surprising that he enjoys things like this.

you watch his hands as they roam across the table, searching for edge pieces.

he has such beautiful hands.

“oh, y/n-ah- can you hand me that one there? the blue?”

you hand him the cutout. “what is this supposed to be again?”

“uuh-” jongho hesitates, glancing at the discarded box on the floor. “an alaskan sunset?”

the two of you meet eyes, then look at the table. he bursts into laughter. “are we doing something wrong? alaskan sunset...” he manages.

god, his smile. you love his smile, probably more than anything. you didn’t see it too often- that full, gummy smile of his. your heart flutters as you watch him laugh.

he meets your eyes again. “how are we bad at this? it’s a puzzle!”

“well, it’s your puzzle, and it’s 2000 pieces! who willingly does 2000 piece puzzles?!” you begin to laugh too.

jongho’s chuckling ceases, and he reaches over to grasp your wrist. he places a gentle kiss on your knuckles. “i love to see you laugh like that.”

you feel your face burst into flames. you sheepishly try to pull your hand back. “jongho-yah...”

he smiles again and tugs you closer, placing his forehead against yours. for a moment, he just looks into your eyes, his own sparkling with curiosity and adoration. then he closes his eyes and leans in, pressing his warm lips against yours.

the kiss is tentative, inviting. you lean into it, hoping he catches on. he does- he begins to kiss you harder, parting your lips with his own. this goes on for a moment before he pulls away.

you almost whine, wishing he hadn’t ended it so quickly. but looking at him, you can see his face is red, and he won’t meet your eyes. before you can truly wonder about his well-being, jongho comes in again, stopping just before his lips meet yours.

he looks down at the floor, his lips barely brushing yours. “y/n.”

you make a small “hmm?” noise.

his words come out in a low whisper. “i think i’m in love with you.”

you almost jerk back in surprise. but instead, you let a beat pass in silence. then you lean forward, pressing a kiss to his chin. “and i think i’m in love with you.”

<333

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jonnnysuh · 3 years ago

Text

could we get along with svt in real life?

A collaborative series by @vernonsnostrils and me (Nala)!

A/N: Lately Bee and I have been doing daily rankings for fun and we decided to share our very very specific and dumb insights with all of you. For this one we're ranking who we think could tolerate us......... <3 Warning: Dumb info ahead

NALA:

13.Wonwoo – looks scary. I also have a rbf so imagine us together omg. Everyone would think we’re vampires. No one would want to be friends with us so we’d only have each other.

12.Woozi – I feel like I know nothing about him :-( He’s an amazing musician, and does come off as a little tiny bit mischievous. I feel like Woozi is the type of guy I have every class with but then we graduate never saying a word to each other.

11. Jun – I think Jun is funny as hell but he’s so quiet. I’d want to be his friend but I wouldn’t know how to approach him. Everyone loves him tho so he has his pick of friends and it does not include me LMAO

10. Jeonghan – (this one kind of doesn't make sense bc he should be higher on the list,, but also?? i'm the one who made this list so fite me) but I think that me and him are pretty similar. We both have a side that’s devious and wants to create havoc but we’re also the mom friend that takes care of everyone and with that I feel like we’d butt heads/ be the designated parents which is EW I am 20 years old,, I'm no one's mommy YUCK.

9. Joshua – he’s also quiet but I know he has a good sense of humour!!!! Hypes up my bad ideas bc he’s not involved -- but he will be giving me a thumbs up in the sidelines. I feel like he’s the type to make me text the guy I have a crush on “Just do it. What do you have to lose?” UM my dignity??? Tf Josh.

8.DK – The human version of a “pick-me-up” He is so “no thoughts, head empty” and I am too. Let’s go cloud watching !!!!!!!!! Let’s pick flowers !!!! A good friend to text on a bad day bc he will literally tell you the most embarrassing thing that happened to him, and even though you’ve heard it before it’ll still make you laugh.

7. The8 – simple, really. He likes art and I love art. He likes fashion, I like fashion. I feel like we could talk shit together LMAO. He has the most specific roasts but they’re always on point. I need someone who’s a little bit mean in my life <3

6. Mingyu – I know I could bully him jokingly and he’d take it (bc he knows I’m joking) but it wouldn’t stop him from pouting a bit. I feel like he’d be scared of me at first LMAO. We both share the hobby of photography so my ideal day out with him is just wandering around with cameras and taking pics of things we think are beautiful. Also forcing each other to pose in front of a dirty brick wall bc “IT LOOKS COOL, TRUST ME.” “WAIT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO POSE THO” and then he’d literally have to mold me into a good pose bc I am Play-doh

5. Vernon – The calm to my crazy, convinces me not to beat someone’s ass. Walks into my room to say nothing else but “Spaghetti” and then leaves quietly. Doesn’t talk to me for 5 months but will send me a meme at 5am bc it reminded him of an inside joke we had. Live-texts his emotions to me while watching tv shows, and shares new conspiracy theories with me. He’s a little bit too chill, I need someone ready to fuck shit up.

4. S Coups – is reliable and gives good advice bc he’s also a ball of anxiety. Nags me to do the right thing. Messes with me a lot. Would stay on the phone with me if I was home alone and told him I heard a noise. Says “Calm down there’s no one there.” BUT he’d also say shit like “check under your bed”

3. Seungkwan– I feel like we’re just as annoying as each other. He has the biggest heart and is super encouraging and thoughtful. Half the time we’re joking around, and the other half we’re fighting. Very much love-hate. Capricorns and virgos are a superior duo. I said it.

2. Hoshi– all round good vibes. Chaos and Loudness matched. Doesn’t always have to be around a lot of people bc he creates the fun when it’s just us two. The kind of friend I practice flirting on and everyone’s like ??? “You’re in love with him” no bro I’m just bored… we just do this kind of shit and he is IMMUNE to my lovey antics by now.

1.Dino– We bully each other a lot but we also have each other’s backs. Definitely not ride or dies tho bc we will tell each other when the other fucked up. We are sarcastic dumb dumbs and that’s why we like each other. I feel like he would only tell me how much he cares about me on my birthday.

BEE:

13. mingyu – i literally don’t know what i would say to mingyu. “tall man” or “what up big boy.” i would be scared of him until someone taught me how not to be. like i gotta hang out with him in a group setting for three months straight until i can say hi to him when i enter a room. if i saw him i would simply just Not See Him.

12. wonwoo – like mingyu i don’t know if i’d have anything to say to him. him and mingyu both have popular high school boy personalities and that scares me.

11. josh – besides being californian, i don’t know if we’d have anything to talk about outside of in n out and traffic. he’s too pretty for me.

10. The8 – i feel like we’ve been over this for me. he’s too intellectual and polite i wouldn’t have much to say to him. but i feel like we could talk good shit about other people.

9. jun – i think i get along well with people with quiet funny personalities. like the kind where you don’t have to necessarily say anything but look at them and they’re telling you what they’re thinking. he knows that i know. so he kept reacting and looking at me. i think it’d take a while to develop a friendship though.

8. jeonghan – i wanna cause chaos with jeonghan. i want to do lots of things with jeonghan i feel like he would give me piggyback rides while sliding with his socks on the floor. he would tease me and i would be offended for five minutes while he pretends to tell me he’s sorry (he’s not).

7. dino – dino and i would be like twins building a sandcastle on the beach. that’s our vibe. like the kids you meet on vacation and play pirates with at the pool. relegated to the kids table kind of vibe.

6. scoups – he’s like the type to play catch with the stuffed animal in the room while we sit on the floor and chat. like he just arrived and is asking me about my day and picks it up from my bed and we throw it around while talking.

5. seungkwan – i think seungkwan and i could sit and talk outside on the patio when the stars are bright. like we could sit outside and stare out at the stars while i talk about my biggest dreams and don’t even need to see him to know that he thinks the world of me

4. hoshi – i see a lot of face masks. hoshi teaches me how to dance while they rest on our faces, but they keep sliding off because we’re laughing too hard. he has immaculate vibes, like the type to say “here for a good time not for a long time” but it’s an absolute lie because he’s there for both.

3. woozi – although i like to joke that he’s an evil little man, i think we could talk a lot about music and he would be very happy to teach me what he knows, and we’d spend a lot of time developing ideas and growing together.

2. vernon – he has the personality of my irl best friend, like a slightly chaotic aquarius who is horrendously hard to reach like 99% of the time. he’s the kind of guy who would try to make dinner but end up fucking it up so horribly that when i come in it’s like smoky and awful and the fire alarm is going off, so i have to air out the apartment and go get takeout and bring it home to my burned smelling apartment and eat it on the floor of the living room while binge watching a new netflix show.

1. dk – i just love the kind of joy and energy he radiates, like would be excited to do anything at all if it’s with me. would love to accompany me on any task if i just asked, like getting ice cream at 10pm and he’d know exactly what kind of flavor he’d get so it could accompany mine well when we inevitably switched halfway through the cone. saves the bottom of the cone, the chocolate tip, for me because he knows it’s my favorite.

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hillnerd · 3 years ago

Note

Romione for the ship game :) thank you!

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME! Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

How long will they last? -Forever

How quickly did/will they fall in love? -it took time for romantic love to develop- but by 6th year it was love

How was their first kiss? -We saw it, and it was passion and tension finally spilling into a full on snog

Wedding:

Who proposed? -Ron

Who is the best man/men? -harry

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? -ginny

Who did the most planning? -hahahahahah hermione

Who stressed the most? -ron bc he wants it perfect for hermione and is seriously worried that somehow she'll leave him at the altar for like 15 minutes bc that’s the sort of thing that worries him in the night. It’s ridiculous of course, but hey- anxiety does stuff to people

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? idk draco?

Sex:

Who is on top? position wise 55% hermione 45% ron top/bottom wise 87% Ron

Who is the one to instigate things? -depends completely

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head i can see them experimenting with things a lot, but sticking to convential intimacy most of the time- but when they experiment they can experiment hard

How long do they normally last? -I think they average 20-30 minutes- they are all about a slow build and lots of different stuff explored- not really into quickies unless there's an element of naughty 'we might get caught' in it

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? -No bc Ron wants to rock hermione too hard and girls can orgasm more

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. I don't think it's rough often at all- but sometimes they are passionate as hell

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. they are very cuddly- but hermione is not one to want to cuddle much in front of others- but just them? they are intwined

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? 2

How many children will they adopt? -not sure they do- but they could!

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Ron as he's the stay at home parent

Who is the stricter parent? Hermione

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? both but Ron more often as he's around more at that time of day

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? -Ron- again stay at home dad

Who is the more loved parent? slight margin Ron

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Hermione

Who cried the most at graduation? Hermione

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? -Hermione goes FULL extra on this

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? Ron- I picture him becoming quite the cook over the years- Hermione is an average cook. Like it’s fine- but only because she found a good recipe- lots of overly dry chicken, food without enough spice, or al dente pasta because she followed the instructions to a T and sometimes you just have to go with what you’re seeing/what tastes better

Who is the most picky in their food choice? Hermione- she is health concious

Who does the grocery shopping? Ron

How often do they bake desserts? more often than Hermione likes

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? Ron meat- Hermione salad

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? -Ron by slight margin

Who is more likely to suggest going out? -ron- he gets bored with the leftovers after a day or so- and once he's finally gotten okay with spending money he's like 'but it's not a waste of money it's FOOD- the most important thing to spend money on?' hermione:'we have food at home.'

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? -Neither- but by slight margin Ron- he is the WAY better cook- but he also is the sort to try to make a smoker type thing he saw in a book or puts aluminum into a microwave

Chores:

Who cleans the room? -Hermione before they’re older- but eventually Ron is a stay at home dad so he actually ends up cleaning more

Who is really against chores? -Ron because chores suck

Who cleans up after the pets? -both- Ron avoids cat boxes, Hermione doesn’t walk the dog or clean up its poo often

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? -Ron

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? -Hermione

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? -Ron- made his day

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? -on average Hermione bc of her hair care routine

Who takes the dog out for a walk? -Ron

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? -normal amount- they don't do ALL that much beyond a little bit of christmas stuff or maybe a little bit on a birthday.

What are their goals for the relationship? -this question is weird- like what- love one another?

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? -Ron- hermione prides herself on waking up at a 'good time' and Ron's like 'good time is whatever time you want- aka 10:15 or later'

Who plays the most pranks? -Ron

#romione #ron weasley #hermione granger

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lucy90712 · 3 years ago

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Dream- face reveal

wc- 1971

Warnings: use of dreams real name

~ I have been friends with this guy on the internet Dream for about 5 years now, we talk all the time but we have never met in person and I have never seen his face. He doesn't show his face on the internet and I've never asked so it just never happened, he knows what I look like all too well because I like sending him stupid selfies and we FaceTime in the middle of the night all the time.

We have been trying to meet in person for years but things keep getting in the way and changing our plans first family issues, then a hurricane and then a whole pandemic. Despite all of this we have finally set a date to meet which is not going to change not for anything or anyone. It's going to be a big day or should I say month, as insane as it sounds I'm going to move in with Dream and Sapnap one of our other friends for a little while to really make this trip worth it even if it only lasts that long.

The process has been difficult because for me to get to Florida I need to get a plane which requires me to get tested before I fly and for my own piece of mind I have been strictly quarantining for the past two weeks but its finally here. I fly out tomorrow morning. I went and got tested yesterday and got my negative result today which I need to get on the plane.

I've been packing all day today because to be there for a month I need a bunch of my set up and cameras so that my content doesn't just stop but then I also need clothes and I can't seem to get both things to fit quite right.

At one point my phone started ringing but there was a mountain of stuff everywhere so I had to dig around to find it and when I did I saw that it was a FaceTime call from Dream, I picked up and immediately put my phone down to get on with my 5th attempt at packing.

"Yo hows it going?" Dream asked

"I'd say pretty average right now I'm super excited for tomorrow but my bag is giving me a hell of a fight" I replied

"Prop your phone up and I'll try and help" he said

I did as I was told and got my small tripod to rest my phone in where you could see what I was looking at. Honestly it was a mess and I was kind of embarrassed but Dream didn't need to know that and besides my face wasn't in frame so he couldn't see how embarrassed I was. I attempted putting everything in a slightly different way to last time which seemed to work until it came to fitting in my tripod and my wash bag of which there was no room for.

"Fuck sake I thought I had it then" I raged slightly

"Ok take out the webcam and forget about the tripod because I have ones that you can use and then try because I think that should give you enough room" he said

"Hell yeah thanks dream" I said after zipping up the suitcase

I flopped back on the floor tired from the minimal amounts of effort I had put in today which just shows how incredibly unfit I am. I recovered before getting up and moving my phone to my desk where I sat to talk to Dream.

We talked for a while until Sapnap came in and I talked to him for a little while, he's been living with Dream for a few months so he warned me about a few things like you don't wake Dream up which I took note of and he told me that Dream will just come and sit in your stream. Eventually they had to leave so I was left on my own to just kind of chill until it was an acceptable time to go to sleep.

Skip to the morning

I woke up at 5am when my alarm went off, I have a love hate relationship with my alarm because I only ever use it when I have something going on which is exciting but the sound makes me want to throw my phone out the window. Despite my annoyance I got up and went straight to the bathroom to shower and get dressed, I thought about wearing something nice but then I realised I had a 5 hour flight and I couldn't bare the thought of being sat down for that long not in comfy clothes. My comfy outfit consisted of leggings and one of my ex boyfriends hoodies because I never gave it back and I'm over it enough to just wear the hoodie whenever I want.

At just before 6 I got in my Uber to head to the airport seeing as my flight was at around 8 it would be wise to get there early. I wasn't sure how busy the airport would be seeing as you aren't meant to travel but I don't think I've ever seen an airport that wasn't busy.

I made it to the airport and as I assumed it wasn't heaving but there was still a fair amount of people around. I made my way through the crowds and checked in for my flight before heading through security and then making it to the main part of the airport. That part was less busy as there is more space for people to spread out into which made me much less anxious about people being too close. I had a little while to wait for my flight so I went and got some food because I haven't eaten today, and I don't want to end up with a headache.

When it was time for my flight to board I went to the gate and got straight into my seat watching as more people boarded but not as many as I expected, it was clear that all of the people on the flight had a good reason to be going to Florida and not just going on holiday and no one was sat together so all rules were being adhered to.

My flight landed 5 hours later and everyone filed off the plane going there own way leaving me kind of lost in a place that I wasn't used to and with the anxiety of going to meet Dream for the first time. I had a bit longer to wait because I had to get an Uber to the house even though dream offered to come and pick me up I told him not to because the less people at the airport the better and just incase people recognised me I didn't want him to accidentally face reveal.

I collected my suitcase and went straight out to the car park to get in my uber who was waiting just outside the doors in the designated area for taxis. As soon as I got in the car I text Dream letting him know I was on my way and sharing my location just in case things went south.

My uber stopped outside this one house and I got out walking up the drive taking in the house number to make sure I was at the right place which I was. Thats when the nerves really kicked in, I was about to meet one of my best friends in person for the first time. This is so insane to think that after all there years we get to do all the stupid things friends do.

I got to the door and rang the doorbell waiting the few excruciating seconds before I heard movement behind it indicating that there was someone there. It opened slowly and the first person I saw was sapnap who of course I was excited to see but we have talked properly on FaceTime before so I already know what he looks like.

Next another person popped up behind pushing sapnap out the way and giving me a hug straight away I knew it had to be dream but he ran over so quick that I didn't get to take in anything other than the fact he was hugging me. He pulled away and I got to look at his face, he looked pretty much exactly how I thought he would from the descriptions I have heard. As much as wavy length doesn't sound like a thing it somehow fit his hair and his eyes were also super green, he was definitely taller than I expected though this man towered over me like it was nothing and could definitely push me to the ground in a second but he looked kind just how you want a friend to be.

After a few minutes of freaking out that this was actually happening they let me inside and gave me a tour of the house showing me my room and the set up they had put together for me with a webcam and tripod just like dream said. They finished off the tour before I was made to sit and play whatever game they wanted with them.

We played an assortment of games for hours on end before we ordered food for dinner which we ate all chilling on the sofa. I almost forgot that my followers didn't know I was here but when I remembered I stole patches from dream and got him to take a picture of me with her to post on twitter and Instagram because people would get it without me having to explain. Not much of a grand reveal considering Sapnap did the same when he got here but I didn't really have any other ideas I mean its not like I can just do dream's face reveal for him with a picture on my twitter can I. The response to my tweet was insane within minutes people had got it trending and they were freaking out with all sorts of theories of if I'd officially moved in or if I was just visiting although both were kind of right.

Having spent a few hours here now I feel very at home they boys are really welcoming making sure I'm all good and not too tired after my flight which of course I am but sleep is for the weak so I'll wait. I have been told to call the two of them by their real names unless its on stream which feels kind of odd because I'm use to calling them what their know by despite knowing their real names the whole time. They have given me a nickname which I now go by to make it fair.

It was sad when the day came to an end when we all decided it was best to get some sleep even though I think their going to stay up and they said it for my own sake because I've been yawning non stop for the past 2 hours but either way I'm going to go to sleep and this day (one of the best days of my life) will become that of a memory.

Although I don't think this day could have gone any better its consisted of everything I've ever wanted to have in a friend but none of my friends back home if you can call them friends are into the same things as me so it never works out. Now I have two friends who share the same interests and have the same god awful sleep schedule so we can stay up messing around together if we want to which is what life as a 20 year old should be like. Fun.

#dream x reader #dream #mcyt #dsmp #dream team

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zaneaquaman · 2 years ago

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Dating a Suicidal Person as a Suicidal Person

TRIGGER WARNING: This story does make references to depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. If you or someone you know is at risk of hurting themselves or others, please get help or encourage them to get help.

I do not recommend having your first romantic relationship be with an unstable person while you are currently overcoming depression. It’s difficult for me to talk about this and be this vulnerable. Truth be told, I’m worried this topic might be too dark to submit, but this relationship had a huge impact on my life so I figure it’s worth sharing. This is my first time laying out the whole story with all the details to anyone, including my therapist.

Almost exactly a year ago, I met this girl in high school. Let’s call her Emery. We chatted for a bit, realized we had almost identical personalities plus common interests (and I found out she was also not cisgender but rather genderfluid which was another experience we shared), and we exchanged numbers. Emery would text me frequently over the next month. We wouldn’t call because both of us don’t like calling; in fact, calling made Emery nervous. We talked about all kinds of things. Hell, we even played video games online together.

I only got to go to her house once because her mom is super protective. I’d heard a lot about her mom during that first month, but never about her dad, who didn’t live with them. Her mom never let Emery go to other people’s houses unless she fully trusted the person. The mom hardly ever let people over period. Emery wasn’t allowed to go out and meet someone somewhere too. The mom seemed really conservative. I heard all of this when I just met this person. Emery was extremely open with me. She’d tell me everything: when she woke up, when she completed her homework, when she was back from her shower, how restrictive her mom was, what’s been going on with her sister, when she was feeling sad, and every other thought she had. Emery always responded immediately as well. When we texted, we had our read receipts on and our full attention was on each other. We’d apologize if we didn’t respond within two minutes.

It’s important to note that the high school we went to was all girls. Yes, you read that right. I’m transgender. Students at the school were either already aware or were assuming I was actually a guy and used he/him pronouns by that point. My hair was as short as it is now. I wore masculine clothing whenever I could. People were calling me by the right name, Zane, and referring to me with the correct pronouns. The staff and parents? Oblivious. To them, I was a girl. I was going to an all-girls high school, what else could I be? But this is important because, to Emery’s conservative mom, I was also a girl ― just like Emery.

One night, Emery starts sending me some pretty dark texts. “Why do you talk to me?”, “You wouldn’t miss me”, “No one would miss me”, “I wish I could disappear” and she just goes on and on. Again, I’m someone who knows what it’s like to have these thoughts. I’ve had awful, overwhelming dark depression. I’ve been standing on the edge; I’ve looked into a dark tunnel and been unable to see the light on the other side; I’ve almost made myself disappear, but I survived. Reading those texts shot fear straight through me. I was not only afraid for Emery’s safety because she was sounding pretty suicidal, but I was also triggered by what she was saying and that terrified me. I sat staring at my phone, waiting for responses from her, for what I thought was hours. It felt like I couldn’t breathe the whole time. Emery, the person who always answered immediately, would suddenly disappear for fifteen minutes. Then half an hour. The worst part was that, when she wasn’t texting me, I had no idea what she was doing. I didn’t know what she was planning. I didn’t know if she was following through on her plans. I didn’t know if she had killed herself ― so I begged for her to come back and talk to me. Hours later, she finally managed to calm down and push aside the suicidal thoughts.

She had something else she wanted to tell me but was scared to admit it. Naturally, I encouraged her to spill. She revealed that she was into me and wanted to be my girlfriend.

I didn’t know what to say. It was the first time in a number of years someone had found me attractive and “like-liked” me. I wasn’t completely certain how I felt about her either. A whole new wave of feelings hit me, so I said I’d need a little time to think about it. I will say this though: that was the first in three years that I had felt truly, completely happy.

Emery didn’t respond to what I said until we went to school that day. She took me somewhere secluded so we could talk. She apologized for freaking me out yesterday and said it’s okay if I need time to think about it. Later that day, I’d tell her I was into her too.

We had a lovely initial two months. Any depression I had practically vanished due to this relationship, and Emery who I suspected also had depression claimed the same. We were communicating constantly. Flirting, goodnight and good morning texts, getting small gifts for each other, holding hands at school, walking to classes together, using sweet names for each other ― I can go on and on about all the sweet little acts we did for each other, but here is the main takeaway: to this day, I still think Emery would have been the perfect spouse for me. Emery said a similar thing about me. We even joked that I could propose to her using a fidget ring since she loved stealing my fidget rings for a day.

One weekend, Emery visited her dad. I never found out what happened; all she told me was it didn’t go well. She sent a text to me the next school week saying she feels the urge to cut her leg. A couple of days later, she had a talk with her family. I was told later that she had come out to them, both saying we were dating and admitting she was genderfluid to them. Her conservative family was less than supportive and apparently, her supportive sisters, who already knew, did nothing to back her up. We went to school the next day only for me to get called into the office.

“Both staff and students have reported seeing you hold hands and show other public displays of affection with Emery at school,” the lady dressed up in a formal outfit says, “We’re going to have to ask you to stop. There is nothing wrong with you and Emery ― if it were a boy and a girl, or a boy or a boy, we’d ask the same thing. However, this is a catholic school. An all-girls catholic school. Since you are a year older than her and you are a student leader in Campus Ministry, I thought I’d talk to you about it first. You are not allowed to do those things with Emery at school or outside of school while wearing your uniform. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” My voice was shaking.

“I’m going to call in Emery now.”

“It’s really not a good time for her―”

“I’m sorry, but I really must inform her of this. It’s school policy.”

The administrator called in Emery and told her the same thing. I was on the verge of crying. Emery didn’t talk to me for the rest of the school day. She never responded to my texting to check in and asking if we still wanted to meet at her locker. While I was waiting to get picked up that day and chatting with my friends, she called me three times. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would have taken my phone off silent so I could’ve picked up those calls. I texted her once I noticed to ask what was wrong. She never calls.

She said she almost ran away from her family.

She admits still feeling incredibly suicidal when she arrives home. I pace my room, my mind spiraling downwards as panic overruns me. Unable to sit still, I left my house and started walking to hers. I didn’t care that it was an impossible task. I had to do something to comfort her and help her hold off on suicide at least. I continued texting as I walked, urging her to tell her mom. Finally, she caved in. Her mom was more than understanding. Emery would be in and out of school the next week. She always let me know when she was skipping a day or when she’d leave early.

The one time she didn’t tell me that was when it mattered most. Emery had sent me no texts that day. I was walking into the school building with my friends after lunch when Emery and her uncle walked right past us and to the parking lot. I looked back at her in shock. She didn’t even see me. I tried to contact her. It took hours before she told me that she was at a hospital. Emery was evaluated and going to stay at a mental institution for a bit for her safety. She had no idea when she’d be out. Phones weren’t allowed inside. She said I could still visit though. The last words she sent to me were that she loved me and was looking forward to when she’d see me again.

I texted her older sister a few days later to check in and ask if it was possible to visit Emery sometime. The sister responded by saying that, due to COVID, only family members were allowed to see her. I think that was the moment I broke down crying finally. Emery was the one thing that cured my depression. When we were together or talking, I was happy. Being in that relationship made me overjoyed. I could operate normally like everyone else with her. What was I going to do without her for who knows how long?

She was in the hospital for about two and a half weeks. The first week was during finals week, and the second through third weeks ran into winter break. My mental state slowly deteriorated more and more as time passed. I was doing everything I could to hold on in the hopes that, when Emery came back, everything would get better. I was trying to stay strong for her, but it was difficult when I was spending most of my winter alone since my friends all went on trips out of my town. I stayed in my room, all by myself, with nothing but the thoughts and gifts Emery had given beside me for two weeks.

I had to find out by asking her sister for an update that Emery had gotten out. Of course, I did what any excited partner would do and I texted Emery. No response. A couple of hours later, I tried again. Still nothing. I turn to the sister and ask if she’s okay. I’m told that Emery is taking a break from all social interactions and media, including me.

The pain I felt when I heard that is indescribable. To be told your love is back after almost three weeks only for you to be informed that you’ll have to continue waiting to even talk to them for who-knows-how-much-longer is total agony. Not only that but, in the back of my mind, I began to question if I was good enough for her. Maybe that was the reason she didn’t want to talk to me. Maybe I had stressed her out or made her feel worse somehow. I didn’t know. I was left in the dark for another few weeks. I kept texting her goodnight and good morning. I kept praying that one day, just once, I’d wake up the next day and see that she had texted me goodnight too. Every day I held onto hope that she’d return, and every day was a disappointment that piled onto the growing stack of pain and mental deterioration. Often I feared I’d get a text from her sister saying she died.

I never once was angry at Emery though. That’s important, I was totally understanding at the time. I internalized everything, but I didn’t blame Emery. I understood what it’s like to be suicidal and seriously depressed. However, looking back, it’s hard for me to find excuses for any of this anymore. I felt like I was losing my mind, slowly, and everything she did or rather didn’t do made it so much worse.

She finally stopped her social media break after winter break while school resumed. She didn’t text me first when she did stop her social isolation either. She briefly texted her friends, who had no clue and, to this day, still have no clue what was going on with her. A couple of days after she talked to them, Emery sent me a text while I was asleep saying, “we can talk tomorrow ☺”. Of course, I was overjoyed. Finally, Emery would be back!

I texted her…a few times throughout the whole day. She never came back nor said anything. The following day, I sent another good morning text. I watched as, the second the message was delivered, she saw my text and then put her phone on “Do Not Disturb” to shut me out. I would have given anything for her just to say, “I don’t want to talk today.” That would have been fine. I would have understood that, but she never said anything. I was left in suspense. I never knew what was happening on her side of the phone. I never knew if she was going to text me that day. I never knew if I was doing something wrong or if she wanted me to stop. I didn’t know if she loved me anymore. I was left guessing constantly. Days passed and finally, we did get to talk. I offered to put the relationship on hold or straight-up end it if it would be best for her. She opted to pause the relationship for the time being.

A month passes. Emery and I talk sometimes but it’s frustrating. She only texts “when she wants to”. She drops out of conversations “when she’s bored or doesn’t know what to say”, often doing it at random moments or even mid-conversation. Sometimes she reads what I say. Other times, she disregards my words altogether. I’m not joking. After weeks of begging for us to talk and discuss her communication by having a full-on conversation with no distractions, the first time she drops out of the conversation randomly, and the second time she admits to me all of what I said in this paragraph without sugarcoating it. I quoted her word-for-word.

She goes back to the hospital a bit later. The last thing she said to me was that she did something stupid and now no one trusts her. I still don’t know what she did. I had to find out that she was in the hospital by, once again, having to text the sister several days after Emery had gone radio-silent because the sister never once thought Emery’s boyfriend should know vital information like that. She returns from the hospital and says two things. One, she had blocked me before she went to the hospital. Two, she wanted to resume our relationship. I decided to focus solely on the second part so I was thrilled.

The first week after that was great and back to normal, or at least, we went back to how we were prior to Emery's first visit to the hospital. It was amazing. Emery even said she was going to go back to school for a week. I hadn’t seen her in person for three months now.

She didn’t text me that Sunday nor that Monday morning when she claimed she was going to attend school. I only found out she was on campus because two of my friends spotted her and rushed to tell me. She was missing the breaks between classes. At lunch, I worked up the nerve to approach her friends and ask if they knew what was going on with her. Her friends didn’t even know she was at school. We all joined together and went looking for her everywhere. Right when the bell rang, she finally showed up from some secret hiding spot (I suspected one of the bathroom stalls). Emery hugged her friends upon seeing them, but when she noticed me, she ran off without saying a word. Apparently, she found me intimidating.

Tuesday, she didn’t interact with me at all. On Wednesday, she finally worked up the nerve to approach me at school and, although she ignored me while I was around her, I thought it was still progress. On Thursday, she skipped school.

We texted despite the fact that she skipped school. We discussed her communication a bit more, but throughout the whole conversation, I was getting the sense that she had something else she wanted to say. Of course, I urged her to say it if she felt comfortable sharing.

“For some reason, I’m not happy we are together even though I wasn’t happy we were apart either,” she started.

I asked if she wanted to take a break or stop the relationship.

“It’s weird. Before I always wanted to be with you, but now, I wouldn’t be sad if we broke up.”

Oh.

How long has this feeling been going on?

“Constant ever since the first hospital visit,” she admitted.

My heart shattered upon hearing those words. This was the exact moment that my whole world fell apart ― but now, looking back, all I feel is rage. Why hadn’t she told me that earlier? It had been three months since her hospital visit. She kept me on a leash for three months, leading me on only to break my heart in two. I had asked her several times if she wanted to stop or if she felt differently now, and she never said anything. Why did she do this to me? Did she not know how much these blatant, brutal words would hurt? Did she not understand that her actions had consequences? If she had put me down earlier, it would have hurt so much less. It would have been kinder. She chose to wait, to drag it out, and for what?

I had to ask her at least twice more if she wanted the relationship to get her to confirm that we are breaking up since she was unable to say it out loud on her own. Emery also added that she wanted to stop talking to me permanently. I don’t remember what I said in response but I know inside I was already crying.

Did she feel better now at least?

“Not yet, but that’s probably because it hasn’t kicked in yet.”

My whole world was breaking at the seams.

“Are you okay?” she texted.

That was the first time in three months she had asked me that.

Everything I felt was now twisted and distorted, built on a lie. I was distraught, depressed, and lonely ― but I had held onto hope for her, while she was apparently doing just fine without me. I wish she had turned me down right when she got back from the hospital. Now, after so much time of silent suffering, to be told it was all for nothing was a breaking point. I snapped that night and told her everything I had felt at that moment and the past few months. She became horrified. She realized that I was extremely suicidal, and now I was on the verge of doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous.

I’m going to be completely honest here: the next morning, after my parents and brothers had already left the house, I opened up a bottle of champagne in one of the dusty old cabinets and started drinking. I wanted to take some pills with the alcohol but I learned quickly that I despised the taste of champagne, so I didn’t. The only thoughts running through my head were that I just lost the love of my life, and that I couldn’t imagine living alone and unloved again. It was my first relationship ― I was an idiot. I still swear that Emery could have been my soulmate. I keep thinking that if one thing had changed: if Emery’s family wasn’t homophobic and transphobic, if the school had let us keep holding hands, if we were allowed to see each other more, if her mom had acknowledged that Emery had depression sooner, if Emery had said one word to me at all during those months maybe we would still be together. I would have died to hear just one word or sentence or even a complete thought. I cannot stress how suffocating the silence was. For three months I was drowning but now it was like I was burning alive ― so I chugged the champagne until the taste made me want to throw up.

I went to school that day and got called into the office. It wasn’t because of the champagne scent (thank god we were all still wearing masks), but rather it was because of Emery. She told the school I wanted to kill myself. I was sent home. The school counselor said I should be in a mental hospital.

I was suicidal for the next month. I almost killed myself three times. My body was covered head to toe in red marks. To this day, I am terrified of going back to that dark place where I was as suicidal as I was then. I don’t even think about that month because of how bad it was. Sometimes I’m surprised that I’m still here at all. At the time, I know that I wanted ― no, I needed to be hospitalized and away from everything in life. My therapist and psychiatrist tried to put down that idea gently. They insisted that it would make me feel isolated and so much worse. Weeks went by so they decided to shut down the option of me being hospitalized altogether, forcing me to own up to the fact that I’d have to face my current situation and it was like I finally was awake for the first time that whole month. My mind started to clear. I realized I either had to die or keep living. Was I going to let this one event stop the rest of my existence?

No.

I came out on the other side, and the person I am today is not who I was before that relationship. I had to relearn how to piece back my self-confidence and self-worth all on my own. While I can say with confidence that I believe I have done just that, I also can say that I no longer trust that people who have romantic feelings for me will stay with me. I don’t believe in true love anymore. I am convinced that people will leave me and stop caring for me at any given moment. I had anxiety over texting for weeks and would freak out whenever people put me on hold for long periods of time because of the past months of agonized waiting I had been put through. I thought everyone who claimed to love me would one day take it back and turn on me.

But you know what? I wouldn’t take back that horrible relationship experience for anything in the world. I’ve learned what it means to grow attached to someone without fear of losing them. I learned so much more than I thought I would from those months. I’m scared to death of people I love leaving me, but at the same time, I feel so much freer to love people and am prepared to let them go if that is what’s best for them. I don’t believe in true love anymore; that’s okay because I do believe that there are multiple people out there that could be “the one” for me, which gives me so much hope for the future. At the end of the day, I am still a person who has value on my own, and hopefully, I’ll be with someone I adore but if they want to be separated from me then I’m okay with that too. I’ll survive. There will be someone else out there for me. We’re all trying to figure shit out. Of course, it’ll hurt if someone leaves me, but I also know that person is doing what they have to.

This past summer, I got sent a text from Emery. She apologized and thanked me for saving her life (twice). She wanted to reconnect with me. No, more than that, she wanted to resume our romantic relationship. She said she never actually lost feelings for me (to which I wanted to respond, “why the fuck then did you tell me otherwise before and put me through a suicidal downwards-spiral?”). Maybe my story is just another random dumb love story gone wrong. Maybe all the pain I felt over Emery was stupid and childish ― but the pain that built up over their three months only for it to reach a climax of me feeling suicidal for a month was not something that I easily got over. In fact, I’m still getting over it. So how did I respond to her?

I turned her down as gently as I was able to. She may have been one of my soulmates, but she cut me deeper than anything I’d ever felt. I couldn’t trust her the same way I had before and that’s okay. It happens.

This year, I find myself having to reflect on everything that happened as I walk toward the possibility of a serious relationship. It’s terrifying yet electrifying at the same time. While I’m not quite there yet, I’m taking steps towards loving someone completely, trusting that they won’t leave me, and letting go of the fear that love is just going to hurt me in the end. In a few years time, who knows, maybe I’ll still be with this person and see that I can finally stop being afraid.

I have a tier on Patreon and Ko-Fi that costs only $1/month to get access to exclusive poems and writings based on the topic of mental health. More importantly, though, I offer one-on-one communication with you to offer support, advice, or just someone to listen to whatever is going on in your life. My goal is to create a safe space where people can discuss mental illnesses and connect with one another. You are not alone in your struggles. I'm here to listen any time.

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sushishorts · 3 years ago

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got tagged in this cherry magic meme and i figured i'd do it..... like after ten years, what the hell sushi

1. Favorite character

i go on and on about kurosawa, but do not be fooled. adachi kiyoshi is my favorite and i'll defend him for the entirety of my life. i’ll be 80 and my siblings’ grandchildren will be all “grandma who is adachi” and i’ll be like “he’s the best boy” and they’ll be like “go to sleep grandma you’re regressing again”

2. Character you relate to the most

i'd say adachi bc of the anxiety but i relate to tsuge a lot! mostly his go-getter attitude, and how he has the tendency to admit his feelings as soon as possible. but then again i'm aro now, so maybe fujisaki-san really is my queen. she has the best choice in nail polish too!

3. Favorite quote from the series

this isn't from the drama, but my favorite quote is from the manga, where kurosawa says: "if adachi's firsts were all with me, i would definitely treasure each one."

the way i cried, my friends

4. Favorite moment in the show

can i just say everything. it's hard to choose omg. i guess one of the things that truly fucked me up was the sudden shift in episode 6 where kurosawa goes on about how precious adachi is to him and how he berates himself for almost losing the self-control he has been keeping for the past 7 years. mostly bc it wasn't truly explored in the manga, and the way machi portrayed it was so telling of the extent of kurosawa's feelings.

5. A character you think is underrated

udon-chan. i needed more of her and she must get her own show where she is voice acted by tonomi mineuchi. just because.

6. Which character would you absolutely be friends with

adachi, i think! i relate to his love of art, stationary, and just his general outlook in life, no matter how grim it could get. (for that, i'll be there for him!) he also has manga shelves i'd like to check out! maybe we can go out and check out the desserts around the city. i like sweets too mmmm

7. The moment that you fell in love with the show

definitely the scarf scene. i was gonna keep watching it regardless because the premise was interesting, but the scarf scene had me tearing up. it was beautiful, and with how awful 2020 was, the scene felt so comforting.

8. Top so-soft-it-might-be-illegal moment

one of the softest scenes, and probably one of the most underrated, is when kurosawa was helping adachi with the wound on his palm. other than the fact that kurosawa was so gentle with adachi, it also helps adachi understand that maybe they're not so different after all. just overall wholesomeness.

9. Favorite hands-are-for-the-gays moment

everyone shut up

10. Favorite Kurosawa making heart eyes moment

kurosawa: you’re doing amazing sweetie

11. Favorite Adachi x Kurosawa moment (i.e. when they invented tenderness)?

this one ;u; no one talks about how this was a mutual hug after kurosawa falls in love even more with adachi, and adachi realizes that he really likes kurosawa. it’s such a genuine reaction to feeling loved, yknow?

also u can see how sonnu breaks character in this and that’s always fun

12. Favorite friendship moment

i like the scene where rokkaku was listening to minato talk about tsuge! i wish we saw more of them, honestly; i feel like their dynamic is super cute, and also points to the possibility that minato is the only one who keeps rokkaku that quiet. HAHA

13. Favorite overall episode

this is hard, but it's a toss up between episode 1 and 2! episode 1 was good at setting the premise, but episode 2 set the boundaries pretty well. we find out the extent of kurosawa’s feelings, but manage to see how much he’s willing to pursue it. we also see adachi starting to think about how he feels about the entire thing!

14. Top LMAO moment

comedy gold

15. A moment you could live without

STRAIGHT UP H O M O P H O B I A

16. One thing you’d change about the show

everyone has said it i think but the kiss scene, i guess. they could have done it! i’m so sure!

17. Someone you got to know because of the show or someone whose posts/works you enjoyed seeing in the tags

the entire tag of cherry magic has been such a delight!! everyone’s so talented wtf. how dare you all.

i’ve also discovered lots of korean artists in twitter bc of this show, and they are all so great. can i have some of yalls talent pls. (to specify: cheerrydada, _yammay, cafeMAHO, PaNoha_0605, etc.)

18. Describe the show in 3 words

please watch cherimaho

19. One moment from CM that always stays with you

general gist: adachi’s kindness, with or without the magic. he draws people in with his kindness. kurosawa fell for him because of it.

i just wish he was as kind to himself as he was to others, but yknow, he’s getting there!

—

TAGGING WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS. CAN YOU SEE THIS? I TAG YOU. no escape. one of us. one of us. one of us. one of us.

#sushi talks #im not gonna tag this anymore bc im embarrassed #BUT THIS WAS FUN #DO IT #i implore you

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thatslikely · 4 years ago

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Seeker - D.M.

Seeker- Draco Malfoy x fem!reader (unspecified house but not slytherin)

Warnings: none! just lots of fluff

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: This is my first ever fic! I hope I potray Draco accurately! Feel free to D.M. me for any requests or anything like that. I’d also really love feedback, positive or negative. Special thanks to my friend Ocean, who is an amazing author and editor <3

Just a reminder: Y/N is Your Name - Y/L/N is Your Last Name - Y/H is Your House

----

Draco Malfoy.

Anyone who has ever graced the steps of Hogwarts during his reign is bound to have heard the name. The poor first years hear about the hexing of their friends after so much as glancing at his striking blond hair. The second year Quidditch players hear about his skill and precision on a broom. Even the O.W.L.s-stressed fifth years hear of his (almost) unparalleled smarts.

You, of course, heard all these things too. You’d seen firsthand his occasional ruthlessness. There was no doubt in your mind he was a force to be reckoned with. You never let his daunting image intrude your thoughts, however. He would never have a reason to bother you; so why should you care what he did?

That all seemed true until Quidditch results came back for your house. Your eyes scanned over names on the list until you saw your name next to the title of Seeker. You were thrilled to be on the team. You worked so hard over the summer, waking up at dawn to fly laps around the lush forests by your home.

After everyone in the common room was informed of your new title, they all congratulated you for what seemed like hours. They all chanted “Y/N!” at the top of their lungs or gave you encouraging pats on the back. After a while of sober celebration, someone finally managed to sneak in a few bottles of Firewhiskey. You eagerly downed a shot or two before your head started to feel fuzzy. The music and chatter of the party seemed to make your head pound, and you decided you needed some fresh air to clear your head.

The moment you stepped out of the bustling common room, you felt way better. Your whole body calmed, releasing the tension you didn’t know you had. While you could still very well feel the effects of the Firewhiskey, you felt clear enough to walk all the way to the Owlery.

The Owlery had always been a place of comfort for you. You had never owned an owl for yourself, instead opting for an adorable black cat, but something about the flying creatures comforted you. Maybe it was their piercing yellow eyes or their fluffy feathers that seemed to stick out in any direction, or maybe just because they remind you of whenever your mother’s owl brings sweet letters at breakfast every month.

The air tonight was chilly, but you were simply grateful that it was too early in the year for snow because whenever Hogwarts was covered in soft white blankets, the steps up to the Owlery were dangerously icy. Thankfully, the only things on the steps were your boots and the occasional fluttering orange leaf.

Once you reached the top, you breathed a sigh of relief. The thoughts of you becoming the new Seeker came back to you and you were able to celebrate a little bit again. Before you could fully imagine yourself flying around the Quidditch pitch in search of the shiny Golden Snitch, you were interrupted suddenly by none other than Draco Malfoy’s taunting words.

“Well, well, well. Who do we have here? Y/L/N?”

You froze. In all the times you had been to the Owlery at night, this was the first time you had company. And his company at that. His voice seemed strong and almost amused. Before you could give him a response, he kept going.

“You’re the new Y/H Seeker, aren’t you? Maybe this year I’ll have some actual competition, though I doubt it.”

You felt your face heat up in rage, a feeling you rarely expressed. The Firewhiskey must’ve brought it out of me, you thought with a sigh. You knew you wouldn’t want to say something you’d regret, especially to your new Slytherin rival.

“I think you might be pleasantly surprised, Malfoy. I’ve been training all summer.”

Draco didn’t deserve to know that you had been practicing all summer, and the summer before that, but you inexplicably felt the need to prove yourself to him. He always seemed to be one step ahead of you, though.

“And I’ve been training for Quidditch since I could walk, Y/N. You’re not special.”

His comment stung a little. But you knew you deserved to be Seeker, and you could prove that to him next match.

“What brings you up here so late anyways?”

“That, Y/L/N, is none of your concern. I could, however, ask you the same thing.”

“Just getting away from the crowd is all. The Common Room’s loud as all hell.” Why did you tell him that? He didn’t need to know anything about you or your common room.

Draco pulled up the sleeve of his black blazer, presumably looking at his watch. You didn’t notice how Draco’s platinum blond hair shined so handsomely in the moonlight until he pushed himself off of the wall he was so casually leaning on to walk towards you.

“It’s past curfew, Y/N. I could so easily tell my Slytherin prefects that I found you out so late at night, especially after a loud night in the Common Room…” The smirk on his face as he looked up into your eyes was so charming but mischievous.

“You wouldn’t da-” you muttered, before quickly getting cut off.

“I won’t tell them, though, only because I plan on crushing you next game. The look on your face as I hold the Snitch will be priceless.”

You desperately tried to find some way to rebut what he said, but his words it seemed, took the air from your lungs. You watched him, stunned, as he casually handed a black envelope to what you assumed was his owl. As the owl flew out of the window and into the pitch-black sky, he walked towards the doorway, which you happened to still be standing in.

He purposely brushed your shoulder as he walked past you and down the stairs. Without even looking back, he simply said, “I’ll see you around, Y/N.”

You stood there, almost breathless. That had quite possibly been the strangest and most unexpected interaction you’ve ever had. You’d always seen Draco as some stereotypical bully, but you never realized how truly witty and quick-on-his-feet he was. He would be a tough opponent, both on the field and off.

----

Quidditch practice these past few weeks has been very tiring but helpful. Every time you mounted your broom it made you feel that much more confident, which was good because you needed as much of that as you could get if you wanted to even stand a chance against Draco. By the time the first match came around, you felt as though you could easily beat the green-jerseyed players.

The practice room pep-talk before the game was finally the moment your confidence was cemented. As your captain stood on the bench, yelling and inspiring, you were on top of the world. You could see Malfoy zooming on his broom far behind you as you reached for the Snitch, its shiny metal now covered up with your worn leather gloves. You could hear the crowd cheering your name as Draco sat in awe of you.

That daydream was short-lived however when everyone got up from the benches to grab their brooms and fly into the stadium. As you proudly mounted your broom, a sudden spike of anxiety hit your chest. Of all the times nerves had to hit, did it have to be two seconds before the match began?

The stadium was filled to the brim with students from each of the four houses. The large pillars of red, yellow, blue, and green emitted cheers as your team glided on the field, doing a fun formation along with it. Not long after, the green and silver-clad team swooped onto the field. They flew around the oval-shaped pitch in the shape of a very coordinated V. It was more intimidating than you’d like to admit.

As the Slytherins settled down and hovered in the air, ready for the match to start, you saw Malfoy send you an intimidating glare. You rolled your eyes in return before the referee shouted a loud, “brooms up!”

With those simple two words, you darted off towards the top of the pitch. You gripped the broom as if your life depended on it, which it might. Your eyes scanned the field for any signs of the snitch before you saw a flash of blonde next to you.

“Scared, Y/L/N?” Draco spat, clearly trying to tease you.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You smirked, your gaze reaching his enticing silver eyes. He cocked his eyebrow at you, playfully, before you sped off, the air from the tail of your broom blowing his pale locks over his eyes.

The Golden Snitch had caught your eye while you hovered up with Malfoy, and now you surely had the advantage. You were mere feet away from the golden snitch, with the blonde Seeker trailing behind you. The crowd sat captivated, wondering who would reach the snitch first. Just as your fingers brushed the golden sphere, it shot straight up, out of your grasp. You both wasted no time shooting upwards on your brooms. He was now at your side, both your arms reached up to the sky.

Suddenly, you felt the metal of the snitch in the palm of your gloves. But you also felt something else, and you almost fell off your broom at the sight of Draco’s fingers intertwined with yours, both of your palms wrapped around the snitch.

Without hesitation, you both recoiled from each other, your interwoven hands breaking apart, which sent the snitch flying. Your face got red and hot with embarrassment, and by the expression and color of Draco’s face, he felt the same. He managed to mime himself gagging before he swooped in the opposite direction in search of the snitch once again.

----

As you stepped through the painting guarding your common room, you could already hear the screams and cheers. Some people chanted your name, some people talked about the highlights from the match, and there was loud music blaring in the background. Your close victory that afternoon definitely produced some happy house-mates.

You weren’t in much of partying mood tonight though. The match had worn you out, and you were ready to lay down. You did have a lot to think about, after all. The way you and Draco’s hands fit together perfectly around the snitch, or the way his face contorted into a frown when the Slytherins accepted defeat. Or even the way, when your team picked you up in celebration,, a smile pricked at the sides of his mouth, barely noticeable.

You didn’t know why you couldn’t get Draco out of your mind. You guys were rivals, but the way his image played back in your mind, you didn’t feel hatred. You didn’t feel a big success by proving what he said in the Owlery wrong.

You finally came to the conclusion that maybe it was because you thought he was handsome. Just a little bit, of course. The way his blonde hair blew in the wind was attractive, sure, but you didn’t like him or anything. You’d never even talked to him before the night at the Owlery. He was just the Slytherin Seeker, as you were just the Y/H Seeker to him. Simple.

Except, you didn’t know that he also thought the same about you. The way you smiled in victory after his (very close) loss made it sting just a little bit less. The disapproving stares from his fellow green-wearing peers didn't hurt his pride as much when he remembered you two’s hands together around the snitch.

It’s only because she’s my rival, he thought to himself, but he couldn’t even fool himself with that lie. All he really knew was, he had to talk to you tomorrow.

----

“Congrats on the win yesterday, Y/N. But don’t think next time I won’t hesitate to push you off that cheap broom of yours.” Draco spat. He never really had a way with words, especially with people he took interest in. He really did try to make it as nice as he could.

You merely smirked at his comment as you sat down at your table in the Great Hall. “It’s okay, Draco. I know you just can't accept that you got beat.” He huffed a bit at your comment, but his expression quickly changed to that of a sarcastic smile.

He reached across the table and grabbed a goblet of pumpkin juice, much to your surprise. Just as quickly, he sat down next to you. You finally got a good look, and smell, of him for the first time. His silver eyes and blonde hair looked as alluring as ever, and he smelled really good, like green apples and cologne.

Just as you were about to ask why he decided to sit with you, of all people, he stated, “It’s rude to stare, you know?”

“Sorry, it’s just weird seeing someone in those green robes of yours sitting at our table.” You replied sheepishly, snapping out of your trance.

He only let out a small chuckle before grabbing a green apple from the middle of the table. He gave it a small toss before looking back at you. You glanced into his eyes, which apparently you like to get lost in, but you couldn’t read what emotion ran through them.

“Why did you decide to sit here, by the way? Don’t you have some first years to hex?” You asked, partially defensive and partially curious.

Your friends, and some other fellow house-mates, all watched in anticipation for his response, but instead he said, “If my prescence bothers you that much, I can just go back to my table. My ego won’t be too hurt.” He gave his signature smirk at the end of the sentence, clearly not taking it seriously.

“I didn’t mean it like that, okay? I don’t mind the Slytherin prince sitting at our table for one day. Two may be pushing it.” He didn’t answer your question though, about why he wanted to sit here. It did seem a little odd, but you weren’t complaining.

“Very funny. Well, I’m afraid I can’t stay much longer. I have more pressing matters, like preparing to absolutely crush you next Quidditch match.”

He left just as fast as he had come, still grasping the green apple in his hand. Once he was back to his throne at the Slytherin table, you glanced down to where he was previously sitting, only to find a shiny black envelope resting on the bench. It had your initials written down in silver ink, the same shade as his eyes. You quickly shoved it beneath your robes, so your friends wouldn’t see.

Once you were safely out of the field of vision of the Great Hall, you broke the emerald green seal of the envelope. You pulled out a crisp, white piece of parchment. Your eyes read the inked black text, which read:

That’s strange, you thought, he’s top of the class for potions. Why would he need my notes? You quickly brushed it off as you just overthinking. Clearly, he only sat at our table and wrote me this letter because of stupid Potions class. Right?

I need your Potions notes from last class. Meet me at the astronomy tower at 11.

D.M.

Eleven o’clock came around faster than you expected, and you were rushing out of your dorm in order to make it. Luckily all your dormmates were still up, gossiping the night away. Much to your surprise, they didn’t question where you were going, besides knowing that you had to give a friend some homework. You didn’t blame them, it did seem like a lame way to spend your after-curfew hours.

By the time you had finally gotten to the top, Draco stood with his back to you, his chisled hands holding onto the cold railing. You walked up to him quietly, your Potions homework fluttering in the wind. His eyes weren’t focused on you or your notes though; instead they were pointed at the crystal-clear sky. The moonlight bounced magnificently off of his platinum blonde hair once again, just like it did at the Owlery.

The air was colder than it was last time you had seen him against the inky-black sky, and you started to shiver. All you wanted was to be back within the walls of your cozy dorm. You let a signaling cough emerge from your throat as you leaned against the rail.

Instead of asking about the Potions notes, he asked, “Aren’t you cold? Why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

His eyes still seemed glued to the shining stars, but you did notice his hand sliding down the rail, closer to you. Your eyebrows furrowed as you grumbled, “Yes. I’m freezing!”

He let out a small chuckle as a response before his eyes finally moved to you. “I’ll only be a minute… unless you want to stay longer.”

Despite the uncomfortably cold temperature outside, you felt your cheeks get warmer. You kept telling yourself it was only because he did seem a bit good-looking tonight, dressed in his signature black turtleneck, with a matching long black peacoat on top. Suddenly, the cold didn’t feel so bad.

“Likely, Malfoy. Here’s the Potions notes you asked for.” You slowly handed over the ruffled papers. For a second you thought you saw a look of confusion flash onto his face, but a small grateful smile covered it up almost instantly.

You continued to shiver, and your nose started turning pink. Draco almost felt bad for dragging you up here, for the Potions notes of course, so he sent an enticing offer your way.

“You look absolutely miserable, Y/N. I think if we can sneak into the kitchens, I could make you some tea. Though I do expect a favor from you in return, of course.”

Your eyes lit up at the idea of a warm cup of tea, especially made by none other than Draco Malfoy, who was supposed to be your Quidditch rival. Even you couldn’t come up with an excuse about enjoying his company this time.

----

Draco stood one of the many kitchen counters, swirling an ornate sliver spoon in your warm tea. Once it was stirred to his satisfaction, he handed the steaming cup to you with a warm and genuine smile, one rarely seen by anyone. You smiled back thankfully, before taking a large sip. The tea tasted nearly perfect, which surprised you. Someone who was raised with house elves doing everything for them had made a delicious tea.

“I must say, I’m impressed, Draco. I never pegged you to be a tea expert.”

“What can I say? I’m a man of many talents.” His sarcastic and slightly cocky attitude was back once again, though you’d be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy it.

After the evidence of your late-night tea making had been erased, he leaned against the counter, a content smile on the corners of his lips. Your shivering was long gone, replaced by a cozy warmth from the tea.

Comfortable silence filled the room for many minutes before he simply said, “You know, Y/N, I’d like to get to know you better. I don’t think we have to be Quidditch rivals, off the field at least.”

“I feel the same. Though don’t get your feelings hurt when I absolutely beat you again.”

“I bet I could get the snitch years before you, with my eyes closed!”

“Like you did the other day, right?” He put up a sarcasticly angry face on, but you could see the fire of determination in his eyes. He really would try to get you next match. But you would never let him.

After a night full of talking with the dashing Slytherin, you soon grew too tired to continue. The tea must’ve made you extra sleepy because soon enough you could barely think straight. You held onto poor Draco for dear life as he carefully walked you back to your common room.

He put on his classic face of annoyance, but underneath you saw that his mind was filled with nothing but admiration. As you finally reached the painting, you withdrew your hand from his shoulder. Since you were so sleepy, he thought you wouldnt notice the loving look on his face as you walked through the doorway. You waved him goodnight.

“Night, love. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he smiled.

And that was the start of something wonderful.

You can read Part 2 here!

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whatiwillsay · 4 years ago

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submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me. but i am very emotional right now. i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience. ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support. have you been financially impacted by this? we can raise money. do you need therapy? we can help you find the support you need. this community is unequivocally here for you. whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will. you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this. i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened. this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do. this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

#submission #tw: abuse #tw: homophobia

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