#but it still applies he still had no way of knowing what would’ve happened in the end. it’s not like he knew micah was feeding shit to the

[bearenjoyers]

i’m sorry i’m always saying this but i feel like people truly believe dutch has some sort of superhuman foresight where he knows everything that’s gonna happen and lets it happen anyway in some move to manipulate and hurt his entire family instead of him just i don’t know. being a human who doesn’t know everything and is going to make mistakes

[fev3rish]

ALWAYS. kenji sato x reader

he’ll always come back to you.

cw. kenji makes a suggestive joke because lets be real he’s a loser, talk of bruises, patching up wounds, kenji loves you, not proofreaded and shorter than usual, excessive use of the word “sweetheart”

notes. this was not the hurt/comfort i promised… rather, it’s more fluffy than hurtful? nevertheless it’s here, and i hope you enjoy!

every tear you shed is a burning cigarette stubbing itself on kenji’s skin; it ached more than the ice you were applying on his skin. for once, kenji was silent. he watched quietly as you patched him up, yet again, after one of his many nights as ultraman. this particular fight messed him up bad, and with all the bruises that littered his body, he knew he would be m.i.a for a while. you knew, too, if the tears running down your cheeks couldn’t attest to that enough. kenji didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to react—before you, he had no one to cry over him when he got hurt. it was foreign. he would’ve loved the attention, but he made you cry. kenji couldn’t stomach it.

“baby—”

“no, don’t, don’t speak.” you sniffled, worried that he’d hurt himself even more. his cheek was already swollen enough. you saw how hard he was hit, and it scared you a little too much this time. this fight pushed you to the edge, and it was evident. you couldn’t resist the sob that tore its way out of your throat as kenji’s eyes only softened even more at your sorry state. you were so worried. you called mina over this time, asking the assistant to get you more ice. “mina says this was your roughest fight in a while.” you say, broken. kenji tries to laugh it off, tries to put a smile on your face, “well, i came home to you, didn’t i?”

—he ends up making your frown deeper. your lips quiver, tears still running down your cheeks as you reply, “but what if you didn’t?”

it’s bothered you; what would happen if he didn’t come home? if you saw him fall on live television? if he left his side of the bed cold?

what would happen in a world without your kenji?

his face hardened, tone firm as he called you “sweetheart.”

you bursted into tears, big fat waterfalls falling down your cheeks—and you thought you were done crying—you’re not. sweetheart, he called you, you were his sweetheart. he only called you that when he wanted to make a point, wanted to get something in your head. “sweetheart.” kenji repeated, moving his already sore arm to try and caress your cheek. you decline, you don’t want him to be in pain, but he persists. he hisses, but he feels your skin on his palm and that’s enough to quell the pain. “sweetheart…” you hear kenji’s voice break, and you hiccup, placing your own hand above his own. “i’m here. i’m here right now.” his voice does not break, nor does he.

you place your free hand over his cheek, and he takes it into his other hand and places it on his chest—where his heart is. “and i’m living. i’m breathing; my heart’s beating, baby,” ironically, even though he’s had more ice on his body than normal, he feels warm. you can’t help yourself, you lean in, and you hear his heart beat. it’s beating, he’s alive, he’s alive, your kenji’s alive,

that’s all that matters.

“you know i’ll always, always, come home to you.” he kisses the top of your head, and you pull away and give him a flick inbetween his eyes. he jolts in surprise. “that’s for scaring me to death!” you yell, he shrinks—he always did look like a beaten up puppy whenever you had to scold him. you flick the same spot again, “that’s for getting yourself hurt too much!” then again. “that’s for having no sense of self preservation! we haven’t even brushed up on your other issues!”

“okay, first, ow—“ he rubs his forehead, trying to ease the pain. “second, how do you know i have other issues?” he asked, pointedly, and you deadpan. “are you serious? look at you.”

“okay, third, ow?” he raises his hands in surrender, but then he flinches because he may have raised his left arm a little too fast and now it aches. you spring to action, immediately settljng both hands down. you press an ice pack to his shoulders once more as you fawn over him, and kenji has whiplash from how fast you switch up. “i’m gonna be fine—“ the look you give him has him shutting up immediately. “you’re gonna be fine, but you’re definitely not now. infact, you look like you’re not even gonna last another round with—“

“oh, you know i always last another round with you.”

“oh my god, please shut the fuck up—“

kenji’s eyes crinkle, sparkling as they take in your face. you look so done with him all the time, but kenji knows that you’re never going to be done with him. he watches as your eyebrows furrow in frustration and you sport that cute little pout of yours, and he has to admit; he loves being doted on. he’s not used to you, but he’s not used to you which makes it all the more exciting. you’re full of surprises, and he can’t wait for each one. the side of his mouth quirks up when you look at him again, trying not to laugh because he knows that you know that his joke was really fucking clever.

you’re so adorable, and kenji can’t resist you at all. he knows you can’t either.

when your lips find eachother, they fit together like puzzle pieces.

he whispers against your lips, tired eyes, once again, a bit too tempting for your liking—“sorry for making you cry, sweetheart.” you wave it off, at first, but kenji doesn’t even let you. “no, no, i’m sorry. can’t handle seeing you cry, not at all. especially if i’m the cause; so sorry, baby. i’ll be more careful next time.” he reassured, and you pressed your foreheads together, humming. “i mean it. i’ll always come back to you, ‘kay?”

“always?” you repeat.

kenji looks at you through hooded eyes, and you grin lazily—you want to speak, but he kisses you before you can. you wish you were surprised; you’re used to him using his lips to shut you up, because you always go silent. he tilts his head, pretending to mull over it for a bit, and a stern look from you has the wheels in his head suddenly turning. he looks at you again, taking the back of your wrist and pressing his lips on it, a silent promise; an oath.

“always, sweetheart. i’ll always come home to you.”

if kenji from a couple years ago saw this happening in real time, he’d scoff and say that wasn’t him. but it is him, and it is the him only you have.

the one that will always come back.

[mochatsin]

WHEN MC COMES HOME INJURED

There are a lot of issues that you can come across as a human in Devildom and sometimes, the brothers aren’t really prepared for the worst case scenarios. One day they find you at home injured from other demons, how will they respond to this?

TW: Implied Bullying, Violence, Torture, Injury

sometimes I wonder if MC is a bit desensitized to violence (but not to a level where they’re no longer bothered by it). Think about it, the brothers have war-level fights all the time in the house. Plus MC lives in a realm full of devils.

------------

Lucifer  

His patience has never been so tested, all he can think about right now is going straight home. He heard that there was a  commotion that happened in one of your classes, so everyone was excused to leave early.

He never heard any of the details, and he would’ve asked the teachers or anyone in your class but it was better to hear from you instead. The wellbeing of the exchange student is his responsibility after all.

Lucifer was about to knock on your door but he heard a sniffle coming from your room which made him start panicking. “MC? Pardon me, but I’m coming over.” 

He found you by the bed, clutching your arm that’s poorly bandaged. Seeing the tears in your eyes broke his heart as he ran to your side. 

You told him that things got bad during your potions class. You don’t know how it went wrong when you followed the instructions correctly, but the cauldron exploded and gave you a bad burn. The teacher even scolded you in front of the class despite being in pain, making you an example of a foolish student before dismissing everyone.

Lucifer knows you’re not one to make clumsy mistakes like this, yet he keeps quiet to himself about that. His focus for now is to treat your wounds properly. But boy, he could feel his blood boil through his veins. How dare they make a fool out of you?! 

He promised to find something human-friendly for your skin as he applied a spell to numb the pain before going back to RAD. 

On his way, he overheard two students snickering to each other. Lucifer recognized them from your class. 

“Who knew adding fire newt tongues would’ve made it that explosive?” “You should’ve seen the look on their face when the teacher got mad. I knew the teacher hated them but it was hilarious when they looked like they were gonna cry!”

Lucifer had this sinister smile on his face as he walked up to the students. “Meet me in my office. We need to have a little talk.” 

It takes him an hour before he can come back to you with a healing salve. Gently applying it to your skin, you were astonished at how it was instantly restored!

Before you can comment about your amazement, Lucifer brings you in for a tight hug. “I’m so sorry… I’ll make sure you won’t get hurt like this again. I promise.” He tries to act calm but with how his hands held you so firmly, you can feel that he really was worried.

You could say that Lucifer keeps to his word when you find the demons, even your teacher, hung up by their legs in the potions classroom. They were beaten beyond recognition, you can’t even tell if they were still alive because the brothers lured you away from the scene before you could inspect them further. 

The whole school got the message, to never mess with the Morningstar’s human. The punishments are beyond what they could imagine, it’s not worth the few moments of satisfaction from making you cry.

Those people were dragged away by Barbatos to the castle’s dungeon, never to be seen again. Diavolo had to make arrangements for a replacement, and Lucifer ensured that you have at least one brother for every class to watch over you. 

He was strict and a bit more overprotective to you than usual, so it took a lot of time for you to reassure him that you’ll be fine.

Mammon 

To lesser demons, it’s a wonder how his denial with his problematic gambling and theft still made him think that he’s amazing and great. 

The stacks of reports about Mammon in the student council room can break records. He would ask Grimm that he would refuse to pay back, steal things he considers valuable, and his money-making schemes have caused lots of problems for other students. 

Despite the punishments from Lucifer, some demons think that it’s not enough. They want to hit him where it hurts. 

Mammon has been waiting for you, spamming your D.D.D. with several messages. You both planned to spend the night watching a movie together once you get home, but you’ve been running late and he’s getting impatient. 

When he hears the main door open, he rushes with the intention of complaining about what took you so long, until he finds you limping your way inside. 

“HEY MC I– huh… MC? What’s up with you? HEY!” As soon as he realizes that there’s more injuries on you, he instantly carries you to the bathroom and treats your wounds as best as he can.

He doesn’t speak, but he can’t hide the trembling of his fingers when he applies gauze pads and disinfectants on your wounds. 

You tried to explain what happened to him to the best of your abilities. You were cornered by some demons you didn’t even know on your way back home and they picked a fight. When you described what they looked like, Mammon instantly knew who they were.

“How about you rest first in the room while I go handle something yeah? Maybe report this to Lucifer” He lied of course. As if he’s going to waste a single second not hunting down these bastards. He lets one of his brothers tend to your wounds, he has other matters to attend to.

Mammon would send those demons a message, saying that he’s ready to repay them if they meet up. He was ready to give them back 10 times the pain they gave you. Break their legs for making you limp, even. 

You wake up in your bed to find him asleep next to you, holding your body close. The small tear stains on his cheeks made you pout and… well, you don’t tell him about the red stains left on his hands.

He walks you back to your classroom only for you to find it trashed. Broken chairs and desks, holes in the black board and the walls, and the demons from yesterday looking so bruised and wounded that they could barely shrink back in fear when they saw you and Mammon together. 

Lucifer would’ve punished Mammon for wrecking school property until you explained to him what happened. Given the nature of these circumstances, he didn’t tie up his brother from the roof like usual, but made him clean up the classroom he trashed.

Even with his goofiness around you, that incident was a reminder for the school that he’s still the second most powerful brother and the wisest thing is to never touch Greed’s treasure. 

Levi

Levi noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately when you come home. You’re always too tired to watch his shows and when you do, he finds one thing odd. 

When the anime he was watching showed a scene about bullying, you would flinch or turn away. You were never like this before and now Levi is suspicious. What has been happening in RAD when he’s not there?

Lucifer called him in to catch up on his classes since he’s been slacking off due to his games. He stayed a bit behind and when he finally finished, all he could think of was finally getting his hands back to his controller but then he stopped when he saw you in one of the empty classrooms. 

You were being cornered by a large demon, probably the size of Beel, who taunted you. About how you’re nothing but a weakling without the brothers, and calling them here would just prove his point. 

He was raising his fists to land another blow so you used your arms to protect yourself, but it never came. Instead, you find Levi kneeling down next to you with a sad look on his face.

He was in his full demon form, his tail holding onto the demon’s fist and won’t let go. “MC… why didn’t you tell me? Or at least any of us?” He seemed hurt because he didn’t know you’ve been in so much pain, especially when he saw the bruises on your skin as he tugged your sleeves down. 

He wrapped his jacket around you and wiped away your tears, trying to calm you down. Though it’s hard when Levi’s tail now has a death grip on the wrist of the demon who’s now screaming in pain and begging to be let go. 

“Shut up!” He hissed, his fangs bared out when he turned to the larger demon. 

Levi snaps his fingers and the demon disappears. The demon finds himself in the depths of the deep sea, struggling to breathe and swim up. He was spared from the agonizing suffocation by the sharp teeth of Lotan who swallowed him. 

He shifts back to his regular form and waits until you’re okay to be held. He tries to be gentle with you given the amount of bruises you’ve gotten. Since he’s not good at magic, maybe one of the angels can do something about this.

He doesn’t leave your side while Simeon tends to your bruises, all while he calls Lucifer to inform him of what happened.

“You’re my player two, we’re supposed to help each other out you know? That’s how the game works. S-so rely on me more MC!” 

He didn’t want to let you watch some anime that has bullying in the story, out of fear that it might remind you of what happened. The last thing he wants is to accidentally make you upset. 

Levi started attending school more, waiting for you outside your classroom every dismissal. You’d spot him gaming on his phone and if you’d ask why won’t he go straight back to the house, he’d just stutter way beyond comprehension. 

His cute flustered look as he struggles with the slightest physical contact, no one would guess that he’s the reason for the disappearance of the biggest bully in your class. It’s all game over when you mess with the Grand Admiral after all.

Satan 

Despite being just a new exchange student in a realm with little to no knowledge, you still somehow make it through the academic year and even get better marks than half of the demon brothers who lived for centuries. 

Some demons in class find it infuriating to see a lowly human do better. ‘Maybe they’ve just cheated.’ ‘Perhaps they use spells to see the answers’ ‘the wizard knows some sorcery, maybe this one does too’ ‘how wicked.’

Those were rumors you hear when you enter a classroom before a lecture. You try to not let it bother you because they’re not true. It’s from the combined effort of your hard work and the brother’s teaching you from scratch. 

Satan has been waiting for you in the house since you told him that your lesson from today was a bit difficult to understand, so you both set up a small study session for when you get home. But it’s been about an hour ever since your last message. 

No amount of reading has calmed his nerves since you’re not one to be late for no reason. It’s been raining really hard so he thought that maybe you’re stuck in this weather, but the lack of messages is still concerning. 

When he heard the door open, he closed his book with the intent of questioning why you were late, but he saw how soaked you were from head to toe. 

He grabs your arm to help clean you up, but you hissed and yanked it away. He looked at you confusingly before he noticed the puddle of rain water was mixed with something… red. 

Without haste, he sits you down in the living room and rushes to get the first aid kit. He’s thankful for learning about first aid, but never did he think that he would have to use it on you like this. 

He focused first on calming you down, placing soft kisses on your head every time you’d whimper. It worried him a lot, but he didn’t want to ask you about your tears until he’s sure you’re okay. 

It took half an hour, and a whole lot of pain relievers until you’re okay. Satan went to grab your things left at the door, only to see a lot of your books and homework torn to bits. Connecting two and two together, he knew what happened. 

When you slept, there was only one thing racing in his thoughts. To hunt. He’s heard of the rumors about you, and he’s had enough of staying passive about it. 

He practically interrogates every student he comes across until he gets his answers. When he finally has a name, he would turn each stone in the realm until he finds them. 

The moment he does, the demons are facing the most agonizing cat and mouse chase of their lives. Satan would follow suit behind their tails, and each time they ran across him they would shed more blood and tears. 

He would’ve killed them on the spot with one snap of a finger, but that’s too easy. He wanted them to feel the fear, let it consume their soul until they go insane and give up. Only then did he grant them the release from this torture by burning them in green fire that not even the storm can put out, until there’s only ash. 

He comes home, covered in blood and ash. He smiles as he places a kiss on your head when he finds you still asleep. After that, Satan offered to help you get some spare books and do something about your ruined homework. 

He became much more aggressive afterwards, no longer tolerating any ill intent directed towards you. Mutter something under your breath, he’ll make sure it’s your last. That’s how they’ll pay the price. 

Asmo

Asmo has so many admirers that are not limited to adoring fans online, but even famous celebrities that had the luck of working with him in magazine gigs and product commercials.

To him it doesn’t matter what kind of attention he gets, whether it's healthy or parasocial, he’ll bask in all of it as long as he’s the object of their affections. 

He wouldn’t normally care when his brothers would get crowded with his fans who wanted them to deliver their love letters and gifts, despite all of his brother’s complaints or protests. However, you’re the exception. 

Asmo doesn’t really hide how he feels about you. He would post your pictures with him on Devilgram or brag about you online. It did harbor some jealousy, but there are some that dealt with this worse than others. 

‘It’s unbearable to see him with such a lowly human!’ a demoness thought as she found a new post from asmo’s page with you in the background. Her nails could crack through her phone at the sheer rage and she plans to do something about these feelings.

Asmo has been calling you nonstop since you two were supposed to meet up at the house to go to a salon together, after your shift ends of course. However, you’re running late and the salon would close in half an hour. 

He was by his room when he heard your door open and closed. Asmo had the full intent to be extra whiny about your tardiness when he went to your room and opened the door. 

He was in the middle of complaining but trailed off when he saw you clenching your cheek and turned away quickly from his gaze. You were trying to make him leave, saying that you’ll change first, but he’s not buying it. “Let me see, please?” 

He moved your hands away from your face and gasped at the claw marks that ran across your cheeks. It hurts him to see that you try to hide the face he finds so adoring, so pretty. And he wants to find out who dared to ruin it.

He sits you on his lap while he applies any sort of healing skin that can restore it. He’s not going to allow a single scar caused by some low blood demon to rest on your face. He looks at you with a pout on his lips as he asks “... who was it?” 

You can’t help it, so you explain that the demoness that was also in the magazine cover with him the other week, stopped by your work and slapped you across the cheek. About how a human should not have her place next to the Avatar of Lust. 

For a quick second, he was wrath and you felt it. But he gave you a smile and held you close “you know that’s not true right darling?” and whispered sweet words to you.

Asmo spent the next few hours asking Levi and Solomon for help. The demoness instantly lost thousands of followers online, each and every scandal anonymously  exposed for the whole realm to see. He was hell bent on ruining her life with all the power he has as an influencer and a demon.

You never see the demoness again, you just know that she lost every connection and supporters she had overnight. If you ask Asmo about it, he’ll just shrug and smile “It’s just how it works honey. But don’t worry about that thing, why don’t we go to the spa like we should’ve done a few days ago? I booked a new appointment for us” 

Only Asmo, and maybe Solomon, knows the truth. So if you see a pink toad at the side of the road, pay no attention to it. 

Beel

Beel has been regarded as the star athlete when it comes to Fangol. Other than his towering height and unbelievable strength, it’s a product of all his hard work and training. He’s been doing more every time you promised to watch his games. 

He treats you like your lucky charm, and every time you’re there he would always do so well in his games. The other team doesn’t like that, they’re tired of the constant loss. Maybe if they do something about Beel’s lucky charm, he would be demotivated to play.

They’re demons after all, so cheating is not exempted in their nature. They’re willing to do what it takes to get Beel down to his knees, even if it means they’ll get their hands dirty.

There’s two days before the big game and Beel wanted to get a family-sized snack as usual from the fridge to calm his nerves. That’s when he found you rummaging through the freezer. 

Maybe you were trying to get some hellfire ice cream, so he thought. Until he saw that you pressed an ice pack against your head. “MC? Are you okay?” He walks in to check on you. 

He gasped when he saw that you looked a bit roughed up. There’s a bruise slowly forming on the corner of your lip, and some dried blood from the side of your temple. 

He knows that this was no accident when he found more bruises by your arm. Since he got a bunch of those during Fangol, he knows how to treat them. You’re no player though. After putting two and two together? He’s starting to get an idea what might’ve happened.

You did eventually open up about why you were hurt. You were going home and felt someone throw a Fangol ball to your head. You recognized that they were from the opposing team of the upcoming match and they continued to use you as target practice as you ran all the way back to the house. 

Beel was holding onto a bowl of cold water with a damp towel to treat you and as soon as you finished your story, the bowl was nothing but shards on his palm. 

His deathly aura must’ve alerted the whole house, especially Belphie who suddenly woke up from a nap as he came running towards the kitchen only to find his twin already in demon form. 

You’ve never seen him this angry that was outside food (or Belphie) and you tried to calm Beel down, but he left you in Belphie’s care while he walked out of the house. There was no way he was going to let this pass, not when you’ve already gotten hurt.

It doesn’t take Beel a long while to find the opposing team, especially when they always wear those ridiculous jersey jackets. Despite their large sizes that almost compare to him, they’re nothing but flies to Beelzebub himself. 

“Heard you had a bit of target practice earlier… I wanted to go easy on you, so if you drop out of the game and never show yourself again I'll spare you.” 

One of them scoffed and tried to throw a punch at his face. Let’s just say… never aim so close to his jaw. That player was no longer capable of holding a Fangol ball anymore, and the whole team got the message. 

You received a notification online that the upcoming Fangol game has been canceled, as the team captain is suddenly incapable of playing anymore. 

Beel comes home with a smile on his face while he has takeout of your favorite food. Mammon would comment about how it’s a miracle that he didn’t eat it on the way home, and all Beel said “It’s okay, I already grabbed a bite somewhere else.”

Belphie 

If demons would cower under the sights of Lucifer, the exact opposite can be said about the youngest. Not everyone can find the demon who does nothing but sleep to be intimidating, despite his status and power. 

Belphie doesn’t really care about trivial things about that. As if the demon who was willing to go against the royal prince himself was actually going to get bothered by mere rumors, even though it was all true.

He wouldn’t mind being called ‘a heavy weight’ when it comes to doing work, since he’d rather exert the least amount of effort if that’s what it takes for him to sleep faster. Sometimes he would forget important meetings because of his 8-hour naps. 

Today was one of those days where Belphie overslept while you were waiting for him in the library to do work together. He woke up and realized that he was almost an hour late so he was rushing towards the door but surprisingly bumped into you. 

“MC! I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to make you wait so long…” He was a bit panicked because you looked upset, though you told him that you’re fine and tried to walk back to your room. 

He grabs your arm and you wince, pulling it away from him. He looks at you confusingly, before he notices a slight cut on your cheek and how your clothes look a bit dirtier than usual. So he gets worried and asks what happened to you. 

You explained that while waiting in the library, you overheard some demons talking so badly about Belphie and calling him names. You confronted them, trying to defend his name, and the demons gave you a certain lesson for trying to sermon them. 

Belphie whines and pulls you in for a hug, trying to provide any sort of comfort he can give. “You didn’t have to do that for me MC… but thank you. Go get some rest, you deserve it more than I do.” 

His touch with you is so gentle when he makes little circles on your back as he hugs you. He lets you rest on his chest, feeling calm and safe in his arms. But Belphie was far from that. 

He could feel himself close to popping a vein, the only thing stopping him from shifting into his demon form was because he was holding you. When he puts you down on your bed as you sleep, he stares at you for a while before whispering “... I’ll repay you for your kindness, MC” 

The demons were laughing as they left the library, talking about the human they just picked on earlier. Too busy in their own merry to notice the pair of eyes that’s been following them.

Such carelessness would be their demise when they ended up getting thrown down the alley by the very demon they’ve been speaking ill of. Belphie stares down at them with no mercy in his eyes, despite the blood and screams. Unlike his twin, he was not as merciful. 

“I can tolerate the nasty things about me… but if you hurt my MC, then you deserve eternal sleep.” 

He comes home and immediately after dealing with the trash and starts walking back to your room. He’s glad to see that one of the brothers must’ve healed your wounds since your skin has been restored. 

‘... if they really see the best in me, maybe I should put in more effort.’ he thought to himself, hugging you close as he drifts off to sleep. You wake up only to find that, surprisingly, Belphie has done all the work for the both of you.

[katyawooga]

sevika x hyperfemme reader raegahhahhehaaaaaaa

ummmmmm Yes ..... teehee

apologies if this isn't nsfw... i'm still trying my best to get more comfortable with it :3 i hope u enjoy it nonetheless, anon :)

men and -16 dni please

you were a new hire at the drop, and weren't you just the cutest little thing? you had lost count of the amount sleazy guys who showed up to the bar (already drunk) and asked you the same cliché of, "what's a pretty thing like you doin' in a place like this?" and it had only been a couple weeks.

to be fair, you looked very different from the average person living in the undercity. you were put-together, dressed well, and oh so feminine. your hair was always perfectly styled and your makeup was applied with absolute precision. no one could find a single flaw when it concerned your appearance, and you wanted to keep it that way.

the only complaint you’d have, though, was the uniform the drop had you wearing. not only was it ugly, but it was so not your colour. deep greenish-grey? please, you looked your best in reds, whites, and pinks. and if it couldn’t get any worse, they had you wearing pants. not jeans, not tights, not even shorts — ugly straight-leg slacks. that simply wouldn’t do.

the night you swindled your way into wearing a miniskirt during your shift, sevika was in her corner playing people into the ground at poker. you always loved serving her; she gave you the sweetest compliments and actually seemed in the right mind to give them without objectifying you.

with a serving plate flat on your palm, you started strutting your way over to her table to deliver her drinks. you would’ve made it there unscathed if some cross-eyed oaf hadn’t bumped into you and knocked you to the ground. the drinks shattered and you scuffed your knee and your elbow on the raw cement floor. looking around you at the spilled mess of alcohol and broken glass on the ground, you whipped your head up and glared at him.

“watch where yer goin’, girly,” he spat his words at you, scoffing as he stomped his way to sevika’s poker table. she saw what happened first-hand and wouldn’t have it.

“you,” she barked at the man, quickly standing up from her seat and slamming her hand of cards on the table. she didn’t care about the game or if her hand was visible. she grabbed the guy by the crotch with her mechanical arm which was almost always covered by the red cape she wore over her body. the man pitifully squealed at the pain and his eyes went wide.

‘did’ya really tell this girl to watch where she was goin’?” she sneered at the man, and when he didn’t answer right away, her grip on his nethers tightened.

“y-yes! that bimbo p-probably doesn’t know h-her lefts from her r-rights…! ow!!!”

sevika wasn’t satisfied with the language being used to describe you. you had gotten yourself back up on your feet and you stood to the side a little timidly, holding the elbow that took the blow when you fell.

“if you don’t want a free facial reconstruction from yours truly,” she growled in his face, her eyes almost glowing magenta. “you’ll apologize to 'er.”

“w-wha— no!” his eyes went wide, obviously she was hurting his pride. “she ran into m—”

the poor guy couldn’t even finish his sentence before he was knocked out with a single punch and sent flying to the ground in a much more violent way than you had. after a small chuckle, sevika took a few steps toward you and gave you a sentimental look.

“y’alright, sweet thing?” she asked, looking you up and down and spotting your scraped knee and the bleeding elbow that you weren’t doing a very good job at hiding. “i’ll have someone take care’a the mess for you. would it be alright if i took care’a you tonight, though? what he did was no way anyone should treat a lady, especially not one as beautiful as you.”

her compliments and her request to possibly take you home caught you off guard. you stammered and adjusted your tiny skirt from the nerves before giving a shaky laugh.

“i, um… my shift doesn't end ‘til midnight, i don't wanna make you wait that long, …?”

“sevika.” she finished your sentence, her name stupidly having slipped your mind. the gloss that shone on your lips, even in the dim yet colourful lighting of the bar, distracted her. “an’ i have no problem stayin’ late if it means beating some morons into submission at poker and spending some time with a gorgeous girl like yourself.”

her deep, smooth voice was insanely easy on the ears. so easy, that you barely processed any of what she said to you. she brought you back to earth when a finger on her human hand twirled itself around a ringlet curl that had fallen into your face from the tumble. you chuckled and looked down, still not believing you were being hit on after getting pushed to the ground and eating shit like that in front of her.

“yeah, sure,” your cheeks burned red with your acceptance of her offer, but it was difficult to see from the powder blush you already had on your cheeks. god, with the way you present yourself, sevika could go dumb just thinking about the kinds of girly moans and whines she could work out of you.

“i’ll be waitin’ for you, baby doll.”

my requests are still open for this week! i have a week off from uni, so i'd love to get writing again :>

and if you'd like to be added to my taglist, just send an ask!

tags : @archangeldyke-all @gh0ulte4rs

[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 19

Warnings: slight angst, mentions of drugs, alcohol consumption, reader getting high, spin the bottle.... don't hate me,

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Eddie Munson x fem!reader, Robin Buckley x Chrissy Cunningham

Summary: The last high school party ends in a way you never thought it would

Word count: 8k+

A/N: @hellfire--cult Roe, you are such a big help, thank you so so much for always helping me with ideas and dialogues, ilysm

series masterlist

-

The dreamy look in Chrissy’s eyes isn’t very hard to miss, it’s been there for weeks now. The smile that lingers on her soft features matches the lovestruck eyes. Lost in her thoughts, she completely dismisses the things you and Heather are talking about. You don’t take it to heart.

It took you a moment but once you noticed how her eyes light up and how her cheeks flush a deeper color every time Robin comes around, you realized what was happening to your sweet friend. 

And by the look on Robin’s face every time she sees Chrissy, you know that she is feeling just the same. 

Chrissy giggles more than usual whenever the taller girl speaks – she could say anything to her and Chrissy would smile and look up at her dreamily with her cute red cheeks. She probably doesn’t even notice how flustered Robin gets or how she stutters over certain words sometimes. 

You are happy about Chrissy’s newfound feelings for her, knowing that Robin reciprocates them. She doesn’t have to hurt anymore. 

“Are you gonna wear that to the party?” Heather asks, eying the dress on your frame. 

You stop applying mascara and pull back to look at her reflection through the large mirror on Chrissy’s pink wall. 

“Yeah, why?” You ask, looking down at yourself – self consciously. 

She shrugs, closing the magazine she was previously reading, she throws it on Chrissy’s bed. 

“It’s a shame that Munson isn’t coming tonight, I know he would’ve loved you in that dress,” she says, winking. 

Chrissy stops brushing her hair and turns her head to look at you. 

The look on Heather’s face is smug, she is twirling her curls with her finger, wiggling her brows at you. 

It is a shame that he isn’t coming but tonight is his last campaign before he gives up his beloved Dungeon Master position to someone else, Gareth probably. High school is over and Hellfire club will no longer be a part of his life – he will still play but it won’t ever be the same again. 

You are no longer Cheer Captain and Eddie is no longer the Dungeon master. 

There is something sad about having to say goodbye to your High School days but there is also something exciting about stepping into the unknown and getting out into the world. 

You and Eddie celebrated by having lunch with your mom and his uncle after the graduation ceremony. It was nice, you had fun but a part of you couldn’t rest, knowing that Steve’s parents couldn’t make it to see him graduating. 

You haven’t seen much of him either, you saw him in the crowd and on stage when he got his diploma but that’s all, you couldn’t find him anywhere else afterwards. You couldn’t congratulate him. 

A part of you hopes that he will be at the party tonight, though you doubt that he will come. 

You don’t feel your cheeks warming up, nor do you notice the look in your own eyes. You shift uncomfortably, breaking eye contact, you lean closer to the mirror again. You place the mascara bottle back in your little bag and reach for the powdered blush. 

“Oh honey, you don’t need any more of that,” Chrissy says, giggling as she touches your hot cheek. 

You roll your eyes and shake your head at them, “you are both insufferable,” you mumble, “it’s a normal dress, he wouldn’t think anything of it.”

Heather giggles behind you, “oh my sweet y/n,” she sighs as she kneels down behind you, carefully wrapping her arms around you, she leans her chin on your shoulder, “you are so oblivious.” 

You wonder what she would think if she found out that Nancy would agree with her words. 

“And so blind,” Chrissy adds. 

“Maybe our girl needs a pair of cute glasses,” Heather says, running her fingers through your hair. 

“I don’t need glasses!”

“Sure, you don’t.”

“Heather,” you mumble, raising your brows at her, “how about we talk about you and pizza guy.” 

“Pizza and weed guy,” Chrissy corrects you with a smile. 

Unlike you, Heather doesn’t blush or get flustered. She smiles and shrugs, “what about us?”

You and Chrissy face each other with surprised looks on your faces. 

For weeks, you have been speculating about Heather and Argyle, wondering if the two of them are a thing or not. Heather had been secretive about the meetups. At first, you both thought that she continued seeing Billy but then you saw him making out with a girl from the cheer squad. 

Apparently Heather and Billy have never been a ‘thing’ in the first place. It was a ‘no strings’ kind of thing until one of them got sick of the other – which, you could easily suspect Billy to be the one who got sick but it was the other way around. 

Heather had stood him up for Argyle. Billy didn’t give much of a reaction to it but unfortunately, he set his eyes back on you – much to your dismay. 

“There is an ‘us’?” You ask in surprise. 

Heather smiles brighter, she bites her lip and leans back, “maybe,” she grins, “I mean he just asked me to be his girlfriend the other day,” she says casually as she looks down at her nails. 

You and Chrissy gasp at her words, you both turn around to face her and squeal in excitement as you both throw your arms around her, catching her off guard. She falls down against the carpet and you both join her, giggling. 

“Oh my god!” Heather laughs.

“Heather has a boyfriend!” Chrissy says in a sing-song voice. 

“We gotta celebrate it,” you say, squeezing your friend tightly. 

“Oh we’re going to,” Chrissy smirks at you. 

“I guess we’re getting drunk tonight.”

You would be lying if you said that you aren’t feeling the slightest bit nervous. You haven’t had any alcohol since the night you went on a date with Ray and that night ended badly. 

By the time you actually make it to the big graduation party at Tina’s place, it’s already in full swing. The music is picked and chosen by her best friend Faithe – who strictly listens to 80’s pop music; Duran Duran, Wham!, Madonna – especially Madonna. 

Your friends scatter away from you the moment they lay their eyes on Robin and Argyle – Argyle who scoops Heather up in his arms and kisses her in front of everyone to see. You can’t help but laugh. 

Robin and Chrissy disappear in the crowd, giggling and leaning closer to each other, both sporting deep blushes on their faces. Cute. 

Now that you’re alone, you can’t help but wish that you didn’t come. You wish Eddie was here. You are not mad at them for leaving you behind – they’re in love and in their own little worlds. You don’t blame them. 

Though you can’t help but feel out of place and awkward standing here in the doorway, all by yourself. 

Is that how your friends always felt when you would leave them just to be with Steve?

With a sigh, you walk further into the house, pushing through the crowds until you make it to the kitchen. You feel relieved to see that it isn’t as crowded as the living room or even the hallway. 

The kitchen counter is littered with various drinks and snacks, greasy junk food that will surely look more appealing to you when you’re drunk. You grab yourself one of the red solo cups. Just as you’re about to pour yourself some punch, you get interrupted by a hand closing in around your wrist. 

“Don’t drink that shit.” 

You look over your shoulder, only to roll your eyes in annoyance when you notice the smirk on his face and the gross look in his eyes. 

“Fuck off, Hargrove,” you mumble as you push your hand off your wrist. 

“Let me make you a real drink, baby.” 

Once again, you have to roll your eyes at him. You place the cup down and turn around to face him, “what and spike it with drugs?” 

He raises his brows, lifting his hand up, he places it on his chest – of course, he wears the shirt unbuttoned, well almost. 

“What do you think of me?” 

“You don’t wanna know,” you murmur under your breath. 

His blue eyes glisten with something, the smirk of amusement never falls. He takes a step closer – at least, he smells good. 

“You look like you can use a drink, let me make you one. It’s better than the shit you were about to drink,” he says as he reaches for the bottle of whiskey behind you, purposely leaning closer until his chest is almost pressed against yours and you can feel his minty breath on your skin. He glances down at your lips. 

“Billy.”

“Yes, sweet thing?” 

You put your hand on his chest and push him away, “you’re not slick, stop trying to get in my pants.”

He chuckles and leans back again, he unscrews the cap of the glass bottle. 

“Tell me,” he reaches for the red up and pours in some of the whiskey, “don’t you want to have a good time?” 

“Uh, I am having a good time,” you lie. 

He chuckles again and places the bottle back on the table before he reaches for another. He gives you a doubtful look, “you don’t look like you’re having fun.” 

“I just got here.”

“And you already look like you wanna get out.”

You clench your jaw and look away, not saying anything. 

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Eddie is not my boyfriend,” you mumble, narrowing your eyes at him. 

Eyes smug and lips curled into a smirk, he shakes his head, “how’d you know who I was talking about?” 

Crossing your arms over your chest, you huff. 

“Is he not here tonight?” He asks as he holds out the cup to you.

You look down at the mixed drink, hesitating before you give in and take it from his hand. 

“No,” you shake your head and lift the cup up to your lips, ignoring the way he looks at you as you take the first sip. The strong and bitter taste trickles down your throat, you can’t help but squint your eyes, “wow, that’s strong,” you say before taking another sip.

Billy groans, “shit, and here I thought I could make him jealous enough to finally confess his feelings for you.”

You swallow the drink just in time before you start choking. 

You have been good at avoiding that topic after your conversation with Nancy. 

“Are you okay?” He chuckles, stepping closer to pat your back gently, “do you need me to make you feel better?” 

“Billy!” You groan as you push his hand off. 

“It’s so hot when you say my name–”

“Leave her alone, Hargrove.”

Steve.

His voice sends shivers down your spine but it also fills you with relief. 

Billy is not a threat, at least not to you. He might get on your last nerve but he is not Ray. Still, you are always annoyed by his presence. 

Billy’s eyes light up like the ones of a kid on christmas morning. His smirk widens and he turns around. 

Eddie may not be here but Steve is. Steve who wants you just as much as Eddie does. Steve who got jealous at every small interaction you had with Billy – Steve who still gets jealous. 

Steve glares at Billy, with his hands on his hips, he waits for the latter to step away from you. 

They look at each other and you are surprised to see Billy so relaxed, the sight of Steve usually makes him angry. Tonight, he seems to be in a different mood though. The scowl is replaced by a smirk. 

He looks back at you before he steps away, “if you wanna have a good time, you know where to find me,” he winks. 

“No thanks,” you scrunch your face up in disgust. 

He chuckles and finally walks away, passing by Steve only to halt beside him. Billy stares him down, another chuckle of amusement falls from his lips. He slaps Steve’s shoulder, “lighten up, Harrington. Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight.” 

Steve shrugs his hand off, he clenches his jaw and glares at the blond. 

Billy shakes his head, “you sure need to blow off some steam,” he smirks, raising his brows, he gestures to you, “she needs it too – although, I’m sure Munson helps her with that,” he whispers with a smug look on his face. 

“Fuck off,” Steve grumbles, though he can’t stop himself from feeling jealous. 

Surprisingly, Billy drops it and walks away. Though, both you and Steve know that this isn’t the last you will see of Billy tonight. 

Steve rolls his eyes and huffs in annoyance before he makes his way over to you. 

Still with the drink in your hand, you stand in the same spot as before. Staring at him, unknowingly making him nervous. 

“Hey,” he smiles. 

He takes in the sight of you in your little black dress, your hair is falling softly over your shoulders, the front pieces are secured with glittery clips, your lips are a soft pink, shiny with gloss. Your manicured fingers are wrapped around the red solo cup. 

You look beautiful. He wants to say, but he’s not sure if that’s something you want to hear from him again. 

“Hi,” you smile up at him. 

“Did your friends ditch you?” 

“Yes, actually,” you chuckle, “Chrissy is hanging out with her… new best friend Robin and Heather is with Argyle.” 

“Oh, the new guy with the long hair?” He asks, gesturing to the hair. 

“Yeah!” 

“Ah,” he nods. 

Steve looks better, there are no dark circles under his eyes anymore, though his eyes still hold the same sadness as before. 

You didn’t expect to see him here tonight. Him and Tommy aren’t friends anymore and now that he and Nancy are broken up, he doesn’t have her either. Steve always hated coming to parties alone so that leaves you wondering… 

“Are you here with someone?” You ask, feeling a rush of jealousy at the thought of him being on a date with some other girl.

He shakes his head. Watching the way your features soften and your shoulder slump with relief when he says ‘no’.

“You’re here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I-I didn’t want to come but it’s the last high school party,” he says, shrugging. “I didn’t want to miss it.” I didn’t want to miss you. He reaches for one of the beers on the table, though when he opens the can and takes the first sip, he scrunches his face up in disgust. He hates lukewarm beverages, especially alcoholic ones. 

“You don’t look like you’re having fun.” 

“You don’t either,” he chuckles, eying the bored expression on your face. 

“Well, getting drunk by yourself isn’t fun.”

Steve’s eyes are soft in a way they had never been before, not even when you just started dating, when things were still good, when he was still good to you. And just his eyes alone, the look in them is enough to cause a whirlwind of emotions inside of you. 

You remember your night together. The one back in december. The one that was supposed to be your last night together. The one when you said goodbye – the one that was supposed to be your last goodbye. 

There will never be a goodbye for you and Steve, not really. 

“But… we could spend some time together.” 

The look in his eyes is one of surprise. You may have been kinder to him in the past few weeks, but he still didn’t expect you to want to spend time with him.

“Y-You want to spend time with me?”

A mixture of emotions rush through him. Excitement, happiness but also nervousness. The last time you had spent a night together, it ended with you both crying. 

You look around and he just now notices the sadness in your eyes. 

The last time you went to one of Tina’s parties, he got smashed and he broke your heart. You want to replace those memories with new ones. As though it could ever kill the old ones.

“You don’t have to say yes, there’s plenty of girls who’d want to–”

“I wanna spend time with you.” 

A shy smile appears on your face when your features relax again. 

He smiles back, though he can’t help but wonder where Eddie is. 

“Eddie isn’t here tonight?” 

He watches you closely, the way your lips set into a slight pout and your brows furrow. 

“No.”

Did something happen? He wonders. Where you go, Eddie goes. It’s odd to see you without him after seeing you with him, everywhere. 

“Right so… Uh, what should we do?” 

“What do you mean?”

You give him a smirk, placing the drink back on the counter, you lift your hand up. Steve can’t help but follow your movements with his eyes, only to stare in surprise when you lift your hand and reach for something… in your bra. He just now notices how the locket rests perfectly between your boobs. 

He clears his throat and looks away with a blush on his cheeks. 

“Are we getting drunk or high?” You hold the joint in front of his eyes, giggling when his eyes widen even further. 

He grabs your hand and pulls it down, trying to hide the joint in your hand. 

“Y/n!” He yells in a whisper, looking around to see if anyone saw, but there is no one looking at the two of you, there is no one in the kitchen at all. He turns back, looking down at you with a bewildered look on his face. 

“Or both?” You giggle, “Eddie and I do both sometimes.”

He knows that it’s not only your looks that have changed in the past few months – it’s nothing drastic, it’s only different clothes, different makeup and your hair that you wear differently – maybe your perfume too. Clearly, you have changed too. You will always be a sweet girl, the one that is too kind to the world despite how harshly it treated you in the past, but he wasn’t aware that your opinion on drugs has changed.

He shouldn’t be surprised about the joint in your hand. You do hang out with Eddie, after all. Though, he didn’t expect you to be so open about this. Now, he can’t help but wonder if there are other things that you do with Eddie. 

Steve won’t ask questions that he might regret asking. Instead, he agrees to both and pushes any thought that only leaves him upset, away. He wants to have a good night. He wants to have one good last high school party with you. 

So, he takes the joint from you with the hand that is still holding the beer and with his free hand, he reaches for yours. Interlocking his fingers with yours. He feels his heart skipping a beat when you don’t pull away. 

“Let’s do both.” 

A smile tugs at your lips, you grab your drink from the counter, “let’s go outside.” 

As Steve leads you out of the kitchen, he pulls you even closer to him before you walk into the crowded hallway. Neither of you notice the eyes that have set on you. 

“Would you look at that?” Carol smirks as she turns her head to look at Tommy, who is looking down at his beer in boredom. 

He lifts his head, looking down at Carol, he raises his brows at her. 

She rolls her eyes and nudges her head in your direction. 

“Oh,” he chuckles when he sees the two of you. 

“Let’s make this party more interesting.”

-

Chrissy is drunk, not drunk on alcohol, drunk on something else. 

Robin is talking about her favorite bands, the ones she wants to see live at some point. She’s waving her hand around as she talks – rambles. Robin’s cheeks are flushed but Chrissy doesn’t know whether it’s from the heat, the alcohol or something else – she hopes that it’s from something else. 

Chrissy nods along with a smile on her face, admiring the girl in front of her. Loving the way Robin leans closer to her so she doesn’t have to scream over the loud music. She can’t unsee the small differences between them; Robin’s nails are painted black, silver rings adorn her long fingers while Chrissy’s nails are painted a baby pink color, a single golden ring is on her middle finger. Robin’s clothes are dark, Chrissy’s clothes are bright and girly. Their music taste is not the same, though Chrissy is open for changes. She loves how different they are. 

Robin’s hair is short, her curls are messy, her bangs are long and they need to be cut, Chrissy can’t help but raise her hand to brush them away from her eyes so she can see her beautiful eyes. 

Robin’s eyes widen at Chrissy’s action, the already pink blush on her cheeks takes on a red color and the blonde girl in front of her can’t help but giggle to herself when Robin stops all her rambling and starts staring at her instead, in silence. 

Neither of them know how the other actually feels, if they weren’t so scared, they’d see the obvious signs. 

They look into each other’s eyes, both trying to fight the smiles off their faces. Neither of them notice the girl that stopped in front of them with a worried look on her face.

“Hey, lover girls. Have you seen y/n?” 

Both of them tear the gazes away from one another, clearing their throats and looking awkwardly at the brunette. 

“W-What?” Chrissy asks, feeling grateful for the foundation she had put on her face earlier tonight. She can feel her hot cheeks. 

Heather looks around the room, trying to spot you in the crowds but you are nowhere to be seen. 

“I haven’t seen her since we got here.”

Robin straightens her back, a worried look takes over her face as well. She hasn’t even greeted you properly, too focused on the blonde beside her. 

“Oh,” Chrissy mumbles, getting up to look around as well, “do you think Eddie came?”

“No, he takes his campaigns very seriously,” Robin says with wide eyes, “he got mad at me for even asking if he’d come. It’s the cult of Vecna tonight – whatever that means.” 

“I’ve looked for her everywhere but–”

“She’s playing spin the bottle with Carol and the others.” 

All three of them turn around to face the girl that chimed in. Tina. 

“She’s what!?” 

Tina chuckles in amusement, she nudges her chin into the direction of the dining room. 

“Looks like she’s having fun,” is all she says before she walks off again. 

The three girls share a look of confusion before they make their way over to the other room. Trying not to bump into any of the drunken girls who are dancing carelessly.

They all expect to walk in on a very drunk you. Because, usually it takes a lot to convince you to join a game of truth or dare, never have i ever and let alone spin the bottle. You don’t like kissing strangers or risking the possibility to kiss someone you cannot stand. 

Though when they walk into the room and they see you sitting in a circle with a few people you don’t like, they can’t help but halt in their tracks and stare in confusion. 

Tommy, Carol, Billy, Nancy, Jonathan, and a few girls from the cheer squad are sitting in the circle. None of them which you can stand – well, except for Jonathan, maybe. 

And then there is Steve, who sits beside you.

You look… sober. Maybe a little intoxicated but very far from drunk or high. Although, when Robin takes a closer look at you, she notices the redness in your eyes, maybe you are a little high. 

“What the hell,” Chrissy mumbles, looking at all the people in the circle. 

Your lipstick is still intact, you probably haven’t kissed yet. 

Carol is the first to notice the three girls, a smirk appears on her smug face, “oh, why don’t you join us?” 

You turn your head, suddenly feeling flustered when you see your friends. Heather’s face says it all, ‘what the fuck?’ 

“No thanks, Carol.” 

Billy smirks at Heather, “oh come on, Heather. Don’t you want a little kiss?” 

She scrunches her face up in disgust, “no thanks, Hargrove. I’ve had enough of you.” 

Chuckles sound through the room and Tommy claps his hand on Billy’s back, “you got burned.”

Billy chuckles, “not really, I’m gonna kiss someone else tonight,” he smirks, turning to look at you. 

You don’t even know how you let yourself get roped into this. This wasn’t even supposed to be a game of spin the bottle, it was supposed to be truth or dare – though Tommy changed his decision at the last minute and managed to convince all the others as well. You didn’t want to chicken out, so you stayed and luckily, you didn’t have to kiss anyone yet. Neither did Steve. 

For the first time tonight, you feel relieved that Eddie isn’t here.

You glance at Robin and Chrissy who stare at the men in the circle – both sporting looks of disgust. You smile in amusement. They both take a seat on the loveseat, clearly not interested in joining the game. 

“Heather, come on,” Tommy smirks, eying her up and down, “it’s the last time you get to play one of these silly games. After this night, we’re all adults.”

“No thanks,” Heather snorts as she crosses her arms over her chest, “you still need to grow some, Hagan.” 

This time it’s Billy who laughs at him, he leans closer, “burned,” he chuckles. 

Nancy rolls her eyes, “I’m done playing.” 

“Oh but Nancy, the game hasn’t even started yet,” Carol smirks at her, stopping her from getting up by placing her hand on her upper arm. 

Nancy glares at the redhead and pushes her hand off. Jonathan looks tense beside her, he sits there awkwardly, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here. 

How did Carol even convince these two to join?

Tommy and Billy look like they are having the time of their lives. The cheerleaders look… bored. Carol looks smug as always. You and Steve? You are both trying not to burst into giggles. 

When Carol found the two of you in the backyard, you were laying on the grass, passing the joint back and forth and laughing about things that weren’t even funny. She got you at the right time, you and Steve would have said yes to anything in the states you were in. You were looking for amusement and now, well, now you got it. 

Sarah kisses Tommy. Tommy kisses Hailey. Carol looks pissed. 

You guess that the rumors about them are true. They are broken up. But what is new? No one has a messier on and off relationship than these two. 

Hailey, one of the girls from the cheer squad, is the one who always makes up all these rumors that the people love so much. Her bright red hair makes her skin appear even more pale, though they match with the red lips which are now smudged. She spins the bottle and finally it lands on the one who has been waiting to be kissed. 

Billy. 

You are pretty sure that Billy had a taste of the redhead before – there aren’t many girls he hasn’t been with yet. He gets around. 

You scoot a little closer to Steve and glance at him in disgust at the makeout session that is happening in front of your face. Gross. 

Steve can’t help but chuckle at the look on your face. 

“Dude,” Tommy laughs at his friend, “calm down.”

From the corner of your eye, you see Robin and Chrissy leaving. 

When Billy pulls away, he gives Hailey a pat on the cheek. She giggles at him and licks her lips as she sits back in her place. 

“This is gonna appear in my nightmare tonight,” Steve whispers to you. 

You hold your hand in front of your mouth as you laugh at his words. 

When Billy spins the bottle, your night changes for the worse. 

You watch it spin with a pounding heart, for the first time, you watch it nervously. 

Please don’t let it be me, please don’t let it be me, please don’t–

The glass bottle stops spinning and it’s pointing right at you. Oh god. No. 

The music in the other room is still playing just as loud as before, though the laughter from Tommy and Carol somehow sounds louder than Billy Joel’s voice blaring through the speakers. 

You don’t notice the way Steve tenses up beside you or the way his eyes flash with anger and jealousy.

“Fuck yes,” Billy chuckles. 

You only feel the despair in your body and the annoyance that rushes through you when you look at a smug Billy, who looks like he’s won the lottery. His eyes are filled with excitement, his lips that are now red thanks to Hailey’s lipstick curl into a smirk. 

“Come here, y/n.”

Steve clenches his fist and his jaw. The fire inside of him is burning. 

“Yeah, y/n,” Carol tilts her head as she takes in the hesitation on your face, “don’t be such a pussy.” 

Of course these words would come back to you. It’s what you said to her when she refused to kiss Lily, who already left after a few rounds. 

You roll your eyes and take a sip of your drink before you put the cup down. 

Heather, who is still around, gives you an apologetic look. God, you are glad that she doesn’t like him anymore, you would have preferred to be a ‘pussy’ than kiss some guy that your friend likes. 

You meet Billy in the middle. 

He doesn’t even hesitate to cup your cheeks with his hands. He doesn’t lean in, right away. He looks over at Steve for a split second, almost laughing at the look on his face. He turns his attention back on you. 

You really don’t want to do this. You really don’t want to kiss him. You’d honestly prefer to kiss anyone else in this room except for Billy Hargove. Anyone. You feel the eyes on you. You feel Steve’s eyes burning into your skin. You feel Carol’s eyes on you. Heather’s and even Nancy’s. 

Billy smells like cigarettes, whiskey and cologne. 

He smashes his lips against yours and kisses you. You close your eyes to make it less awkward. You begrudgingly kiss him back. He slides his hand down to your waist and pulls you closer until your chest is pressed against his. 

You want to roll your eyes at Tommy’s whistle and at Carol’s giggle but you ignore them. 

Billy kisses you roughly – it’s not as bad as the kiss you have had with Ray but you still can’t shake the fact that you are kissing him. At least, his lips are soft. They taste like strawberry – probably thanks to Hailey and her strawberry lip gloss that she always wears over her red lipstick. 

Billy’s lips move slower now but still just as deep, you feel his breath on your skin, his touch that is surprisingly soft. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that he is trying to savor every second of the kiss. 

You make the mistake of letting yourself get lost in your thoughts. Suddenly, it’s not Billy kissing you anymore, it’s another man. 

It’s his lips that you are kissing, his shoulders that you are touching, his ring that is digging into your waist, it’s him, it’s–

Billy. You are kissing Billy. You instantly pull away when the realization sinks back in, you push him away and pull back. 

Billy chuckles, he looks at you through hooded eyes and leans closer, “that made me really fucking hard,” he whispers.

You scrunch your face up in disgust and turn away from him, wanting to escape him quickly. You glance at Steve, who is looking at the ground with an angry and powerless look on his face. Shit. 

“Well, that was one hell of a kiss,” Tommy laughs, not looking at you, not looking at Billy but at Steve, he is looking at Steve and he is smirking. 

“You must feel stupid, huh Harrington?”

“Shut up, Tommy.” 

He pays you no mind, his attention is solely on Steve. And the others are staring at him as well. You can’t help but glance at Nancy, she’s looking at him with an almost pitiful look in her eyes. 

You quickly reach for the bottle, wanting to kill the awkward tension in the room. 

This night can’t get any worse. You think to yourself. 

You spin the bottle as you inwardly curse at yourself for letting Carol convince you to join this stupid game. You didn’t even want to kiss anyone, let alone Billy. You didn’t want to upset Steve. You didn’t want to think about–

“Oh!” Carol laughs loudly, clapping her hands together. 

Hailey snickers next to her, looking at you in amusement. 

“Oh damn,” Tommy snorts. 

Your heart begins to race in your chest but you don’t even know who it’s pointing at yet. You have a feeling who it is. And when you see the apologetic look in both Jonathan’s eyes and Heather’s eyes, you know. 

You blink and take a deep breath before you glance at the bottle. 

The bottle that is pointing right at him. Steve. 

The girls around you are giggling, giving you smug looks. Carol is staring at you expectedly. Bitch. 

Steve is staring at you already, suddenly, every ounce of anger has faded away. His eyes are wide, lips parted as he looks at you. 

This isn’t ideal. This shouldn’t have to happen this way. But, he would be lying if he said that it’s something he doesn’t want. Maybe, this will be the last time. Maybe, this will be the only chance he gets to feel your kiss again. 

“You don’t have to,” he whispers to you, but you are already moving closer to him. 

You won’t walk away now. It’s exactly what they want, they want to see you running away. But you won’t run away, not now, not yet.

You ignore the pounding in your chest, the butterflies that dance in your stomach when you lean closer to him. He looks at you, wide eyed. 

You don’t want it to happen this way but would you deny a kiss with him, right now? No. 

“It’s just a kiss right?” You whisper as you gaze into his hazel eyes. 

How could it ever be just a kiss? 

You are the one to move even closer to him. You are the one to cup his cheeks. 

Steve’s heart is surely about to explode. 

He hates that this has to happen like this – that it’s caused by a game. That this isn’t supposed to mean anything. 

Despite the others in the room, the loud music, the eyes on you. You both fade out everything around you. 

It’s just you and him now. 

You lean in, he leans in. 

And for the first time in a long time, your lips brush against Steve’s and that is enough to set all your insides on fire. Just a simple touch. 

You peck his lips, you only peck his lips and Steve is already in bliss. But then you smash your lips against his and suddenly, he is back in heaven. The light is shining again, the warmth is flooding back in, the sweetness of your lips is enough to mend his heart that he broke himself. 

He doesn’t hesitate for a single second to kiss you back. He cups your cheeks and pulls you as closely as he can. 

Everything around him stops existing. 

All there is, is you and him. 

He feels you, he feels your touch, your lips, your kiss.

He feels your love that is pouring back in. 

He feels you. 

You, you, you. 

Everything falls back into place again. 

Your lips are moving ever so softly with each other. Desperately but still passionately. Your lips still taste like cherry, his still taste minty. 

His heart is racing, yours is too. 

He holds you tightly but gently, he doesn’t want this moment to end, he doesn’t want to stop kissing you, he never wants to stop kissing you again. 

This is right. This is what he is meant to do. This is all he’s ever dreamed of and more. He missed this. He missed you so much. 

But the moment could never last long enough and he crashes back into reality when you pull away in need of air. Your lips part from his, your touch leaves his body and everything that is left behind is the kiss that lingers – the kiss that will linger for the rest of his life if this is the last one he gets from you. 

His lips tingle and he fights the urge to touch them.

He doesn’t want to open his eyes, he doesn’t want to crash back into a world where you aren’t his anymore.

When he does open his eyes and he sees the look on your face, the shock in your eyes, the emotions that are still there, the love. He knows, he still has a chance. 

He can still have you. 

He can still fight for you. 

He can still get you back. 

But, for now, he lets you walk away when you make up some weak excuse and rush out of the room. 

Heather doesn’t even hesitate to follow you out, calling your name and rushing after you. She passes by Argyle who is talking to a group of guys, she gives him an apologetic look. 

You push past Jason Carver, pushing him out of the way. 

“Hey!” He yells, “watch where you’re going!”

“Shut it, blondie,” Heather snaps at him. 

You grab the leather jacket that you have left on the counter earlier and finally leave the house. The fresh air calms you down in an instant, you embrace the silence and feel grateful that there is no one out on the porch, right now. 

No one except for you and Heather. 

She shuts the door behind her, she crosses her arms over her chest when the chilly wind touches her bare arms. 

“Are you okay?”

You lean against the railing and sigh. 

“Yeah. You should go back inside, Heather.”

“No.” 

She refuses to leave you alone when you’re upset. 

“I’m okay.”

“But–”

You turn back around, “I’m okay,” you repeat, trying to smile at her. 

“I promise, I just need a moment to myself after all of… this.” 

“Are you sure?”

The sincere look in her eyes makes you smile, genuinely, this time. 

You nod. 

“But if you need anything, you tell me and I’ll take you home and we can have a girls night with Chrissy. Robin too.”

Your eyes soften. 

“We should actually do that sometime.”

“We should.”

“Now go back inside, I’m sure your boyfriend misses you.”

She looks down and smiles, “alright..”

She turns back around, hesitantly. 

“I can’t believe you used to kiss Billy all the time.” 

Heather turns around to glare at you, “don’t ever mention that again.”

You giggle at the look on her face. 

“I can’t believe that you kissed Billy and Steve in one night,” she smirks, winking at you before she walks back inside, leaving you by yourself. 

“Right..” 

You want to forget about the kiss, the one with Billy at least. 

You reach for the pack of cigarettes in your pocket, walking over to the porch steps, you sit down and light a cigarette. You don’t smoke very often, only when you’re stressed. 

You enjoy the silence, though, it doesn’t last very long. Someone steps out on the porch and you inwardly pray that it isn’t Steve or Billy. 

The footsteps give it away, it’s neither of them. 

You lift your head to look, it’s no friend of yours either. 

It’s Nancy Wheeler standing in front of you – no, sitting down beside you. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

For a moment, you both sit in silence. You offer her a cigarette, to your surprise, she takes one and lights it up. 

“So, did you start paying attention?” 

You shake your head with a small smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, sure you don’t,” Nancy chuckles. 

You turn your body towards her, you lean back against the railing and look at her curiously. 

Nancy crosses her legs and smokes the cigarette, giving you a tight lipped smile.

“Still oblivious, I see.”

You’re not fully oblivious. Not anymore. 

“Y-You think that Eddie and I like each other.”

“No.”

You furrow your brows. 

“I don’t think, I know.” She shrugs, “I guess, I just wonder why you and Eddie aren’t dating.” 

You’re a little flustered by her words. 

“Because he is my best friend?” You mumble as you stub out the cigarette and look down.

“Yeah, that’s what you already said, last time and it still doesn’t look like it.” 

You give her a questioning look, you stare at her, and suddenly, she feels flustered. 

“Why do you even care?” 

Nancy hesitates, she looks down at the cigarette between her fingers. Her shoulders are slumped but she is still tense. Nancy pities Steve because she can see how much he is suffering, how much he loves you, how much he still wants you but she can’t deny that you have been in pain for so many months, some of the pain which has been caused by her. The least she can do is help you, help you understand, help you to see. 

“I’m just, I’m sorry.”

She folds her hands in her lap after stubbing out the cigarette. She glances at you, almost shyly and with a hint of guilt in her blue eyes. 

“What?” 

She closes her eyes, she fidgets with her fingers and takes a deep breath before she opens her eyes again. 

“For everything.” 

Oh.

“I’m sorry for taking him away from you. I-I saw the way you two looked at each other back there. I guess, I just now realized what I’ve ruined.”

“It would’ve been someone else if it wasn’t you, Nancy.” 

She furrows her brows, looking at you, almost bewildered. 

“No, I don’t think so. He loves you.” 

“Well, that realization came a little too late.” 

“Did it?” Nancy asks, carefully.

You hesitate before you say ‘yes’. 

She nods. 

“But, why do you always bring Eddie up?” 

“What?” 

“You always talk about.. Eddie,” you frown, “do you want him now?” 

The thought of it angers you. Does she always want what you have? 

“Do you want Eddie now that you realized that Steve isn’t the prince you thought he was?” 

Her eyes widen, “no! No, it’s not that! I-I just, I was jealous of you, not because of Eddie,” she says, shaking her head at the thought of Eddie. “I wanted what you two have.”

“A best friend?” 

“That’s the thing.. I never thought you two were just… friends.” 

You wait for her to continue. 

“I wanted that hand holding in class, that cute bantering in the hallway, someone to lend me a shoulder whenever I need it, I wanted to be free like you were. Showing my love openly – and I found that in Jonathan. We started of as friends b-but that would have never been enough. He taught me about true love, about feeling cared for, and he waited for me. He waited and waited and I hurt him over and over by not breaking up with Steve.. Does that sound familiar?” 

“Oh.”

By the look in your eyes, she knows that you begin to understand a little. Your eyes that soften when you think about him. 

She opens her mouth, but she never gets to say the words she’s been meaning to say all night, because the man you have been talking about steps out. Interrupting your conversation. 

Both you and Nancy turn to look at him. 

He looks taken aback by the sight in front of him. He figured that you weren’t by yourself, he didn’t expect Nancy to be the one out here with you. 

“Uh, can we talk y/n?” He asks, still looking between the two of you with a confused look on his face. 

You and Nancy can’t help but share a look of amusement. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Nancy pushes herself up with a sigh, she glances at you and gives you a small smile before she walks past Steve and walks back into the house. 

Steve scratches the back of his neck, he stands there, awkwardly for a moment. 

He still hasn’t told you about the break up but, he knows that you know. Everybody knows. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you nod, “are you?”

He walks towards you and you get back up on your feet, looking up at your ex boyfriend. Your ex boyfriend that you just kissed. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asks. 

You shrug, “you just kissed your ex girlfriend in front of your other ex girlfriend.” 

His mouth set in a hard line before he looked away with a chuckle. 

An amused huff escapes you. You try to walk around him but you trip and stumble, almost falling backwards but his large hands catch you, he wraps them around your waist and pulls you closer. This time you stumble forward, right into his chest. 

He uses the opportunity to wrap his arms around you fully. 

“Let’s not repeat your fall from years ago.” 

You gape at him. 

“Can’t you let it go?!”

His eyes crinkle with amusement. 

“Fuck no, I’m not letting it go. I saved you and you panicked and pushed me down – I still have the scar on my hip from it!” 

You roll your eyes, chuckling. 

“What did you want to talk about?” 

He doesn’t answer your question, instead, he takes your hand and leads you away from the entrance, away from the porch lights, away from the place where people can see you. 

You don’t question him, you follow him, just the way you always did. 

Behind the house, there is no light but the moon shining down on you. And Steve can’t help but want more of what he just had. 

He whispers your name and you know, you know what he wants. 

“Will you forgive me for what I’m about to do?” 

“What–”

He cups your cheeks and leans down to kiss you. He needs more of what he just had. 

You gasp against his lips but you so easily melt into the kiss. 

And the moment you kiss him back, he wraps his arms around you and suddenly, his hands are all over you, your back, your waist, the back of your neck. He is pulling you in, closer and closer until there is no space left between the two of you. 

You are kissing him. You are kissing him back. Not because of a game. You are kissing him because you want to kiss him. You want him. 

His heart soars. 

Everything inside of him screams in joy. 

He needs you, he needs you closer and closer. 

He kisses you desperately. 

Your tongues meet and the kiss gets more feverish, more passionate than before. Maybe more passionate than ever. 

You whimper into the kiss and he is sure that it’s enough to make his heart explode. 

You kiss him just as desperately. You are needy, like him. 

Warmth blossoms Steve’s chest. His heart is feeling whole for the first time in a long time. 

You are both breathing heavily in between kisses. He can’t get enough of you. How could he ever get enough of you? How could he ever throw this away? How could he ever push you away? 

His feelings, his emotions seem to get in the way – they seem to get in between the two of you because you can feel it, you can feel what he is thinking about. 

Because you begin to feel it too. The more you open your heart to him, the more you let him in – the more it hurts. You curse at it, you curse at the pain and at the dark stain that he had left on your heart.

You savor the kiss, just like he does. 

He savors it too. Your kiss isn’t a promise. Not even your love is. 

He destroyed too much.

And though you don’t want it, you push him away and ignore the way you already miss him and the feeling of his lips on yours. 

“W-What are you doing?” Your voice is shaky and your eyes are glossy. You look up at him with saddened eyes. 

Steve’s hair is disheveled, his lips are puffy from the kissing.

And he looks defeated because the look on your face tells him that this won’t mean anything. 

“I-I’m sorry.. but I-I just needed to do that, at least one last time.” 

You frown at his words. Despite the seriousness of the situation, he can’t help but think that you look cute. 

“You can’t just kiss me after everything!” You snap at him and push past him, walking away from him. 

“Dolly!” 

“No!” 

next chapter

-

tagging mutuals

@mysticmunson @taintedcigs @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @wroteclassicaly @trashmouth-richie @succubusmunson @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @nemesis729 @sherrylyn628 @somethingvicked @chrissymjstan

[navybrat817]

Look at that stare!

Time to Study

Summary: Bucky told you he needed help with his studies, but you should have known he just wanted an excuse to kiss you.

Pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Word Count: Over 1.2k Warnings: K-I-S-S-I-N-G, college AU, nicknames, Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) A/N: Okay, lovelies. Meet Titan and Starshine in the college AU no one asked for, Falling For You. Thank you @rookthorne, @sgt-seabass, and @chasingmarvel!❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

"Bucky, I think you've been on that page for the last five minutes."

He shrugged and continued to stare, his blue eyes focused completely on you. A smile began to spread across your face before you cleared your throat and glanced at your book. Your face heated up when you still felt his gaze on you. With the looks of a model and a smile that could make panties drop, it was almost overwhelming to have his attention.

But you liked it.

“Why didn’t we meet in the library?” you asked, suddenly aware of how hot it was in your room.

Or was it him?

You were also aware of how close he was to you on your bed. You could’ve chosen to sit in a chair or on the floor, but you made the decision to take your bed. He followed suit and kept a reasonable distance. But he moved closer with each passing second until his knee almost bumped yours.

No way in hell were you going to stop him.

“It’s more comfortable here,” he replied. You tried not to lose yourself in his eyes when you dared to look at him. “Don’t you think?”

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you nodded. You even managed not to whimper when he placed his hand on your thigh. With his sleeve pushed up, you could see the veins in his forearm, a visual reminder of his strength. He didn’t slide his hand up any higher or apply any pressure. It rested there, like he was testing the waters.

Come on in. The water’s fine.

"It is, but I thought you said you needed my help," you reminded him when he made no move to read or look over his notes.

Some assumed that because Bucky was good looking, athletic, and a member of the most popular fraternity on campus that he got people to do his work for him. That couldn't have been further from the truth. He was a nice, smart guy, much smarter than most expected. And while he didn't brag about his grades, he more than earned his high GPA through his intelligence and hard work.

The whole package. Wait, why does he need my help again?

"Stop staring!" you said, trying your hardest not to smile when he lightly chuckled. It was such a sexy sound. "We need to study."

"Oh. I actually finished studying before I stopped by. You know I’m getting an A in that class," he smirked, shutting the book and moving it beside him. "Or did I forget to mention that?"

It was your turn to stare at him, your mouth open when he flashed his winning smile.

Smug. Bastard.

"You lied to me, Bucky Barnes."

He pouted before he smiled again. "I didn't lie. I would never lie to you.”

His hand went to the back of your neck as you tried to remember to breathe. "Yes, you did,” you huffed, not wanting to let him off the hook. Even if he distracted you the more he leaned in, his fingertips tickling your skin. “You said you needed my help. I cleared my whole afternoon."

Like he had to twist my arm to make that happen.

"I do need your help. I need a kiss and you’re the only one who can help me with that,” he argued, his nose bumping yours. “And if you want me to maintain my high GPA, I'll need to study every single one of your kisses thoroughly. Even if it takes all night."

That would’ve been cheesy from anyone else, but he made it sound so genuine.

“You’re ridiculous,” you giggled, running your fingers through his soft hair. His words flustered you and you wondered if he noticed. "What would your brothers say if they heard you?"

Ridiculous and charming and handsome and he smells good and his lips are so close to mine.

“Being ridiculous doesn’t change the fact that I need a kiss,” he said, breathing against your lips. "And no mention of my brothers when you're in my arms. Only me."

Only you, Bucky.

“After I’m done studying,” you whispered with a twinkle in your eyes.

He growled when you giggled again, but didn’t give you the chance to move away. One day you'd get out of one of his holds, but today wasn't it. “Just one little kiss, Starshine? Any kind of kiss you want as long as I get one.”

You sucked in a breath when he licked his lips, his tongue close enough that it brushed against your mouth. It would’ve been easy to close the last bit of distance and put you both out of your misery. Still playing the part of a gentleman, the hand on your thigh didn’t move. But his grip tightened a fraction.

Enough to let you know how badly he needed you.

As much as Bucky wanted to, he didn’t kiss you the night the two of you spoke for the first time. He was a gentleman and didn’t rush it, even after you stayed up all night chatting. Now you look forward to each and every kiss.

He could have any girl on campus and he’s desperate for me.

“One,” you agreed, capturing his mouth in a gentle kiss.

Bucky returned it with fervor and you were helpless to do anything but get swept away. His lips molded against yours perfectly and you practically crawled into his lap as he deepened the kiss, studying long forgotten at that point. It was a feat you lasted as long as you did without throwing yourself at him.

This is definitely going to be more than one kiss if we don't stop.

“Back to studying?” you asked breathlessly.

“Only if I get to kiss you again when we’re done,” he smiled.

“Are my kisses that great, Titan?” you asked, running a finger along his sharp jawline.

Maybe you weren't playing fair by using his nickname, which he loved hearing from you, but he started it by suggesting a fake study session just to get a kiss from you and using your nickname first.

Instead of a smug smirk when Bucky pulled back, his cheeks flushed slightly as he regarded you with an easy smile. “If you knew what it was like to kiss you, you’d never wanna stop,” he answered, making your heart thud in your chest as he pulled you closer by the hips.

A knock on the door broke you temporarily from your spell, but you stayed close in Bucky’s lap.

“Hey!” your roommate said through the door. “Are you two decent? I need to grab something real quick.”

Great timing.

“Unfortunately, we are,” you teased, pressing your forehead against Bucky’s as she put her key in the door. "Now we have to study."

“Don't mind me! Not looking!” your roommate announced, rummaging through her closet until she found what she needed. “Use protection! Don’t need you knocking her up!”

Bucky laughed when you groaned, both of you used to her antics. “How about we study in my room next time?” he offered.

“Deal," you agreed, sneaking in one more quick kiss.

Although you had a feeling you wouldn’t get much studying done at his place either, you didn't mind one bit.

Another couple for me to adore. Love and thanks! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ KoFi

[i4oba]

nct 127 as… / fanfiction aus!? 🏡…

[take the quiz here to see which one you get!]

✰ TAEYONG — street racer!au

you hated that taeyong’s hobby has never changed: it was rather infuriating how he couldn’t have stopped with those stupid street races which he couldn’t even miss once; you had known lee taeyong ever since from elementary school, and you knew all too well how his biggest dream was to take part in formula 1, but a poor boy, living on the countryside can only dream of achieving such heights, he would never be able to reach that. you don’t even know how the two of you got to befriend each other, it might have been that chemistry project where you two were assigned to work together in that old fashioned “the breakfast club” way on saturdays, as you couldn’t properly behave. you two slowly became good friends, and then… something you weren’t able to describe, it was way too confusing, and growing up you two realised that the period of time when you were together, as a couple, was more than just toxic, pretty much unhealthy. you left him for good finally, leaving behind this mess of a relationship when you got accepted to the university of your dreams, after taking one year off of studies because of whatever reason you foolishly came up with. since taeyong’s name was pretty well known by then in the world of street racing, you knew fully well that he wouldn’t just quit for school which he despised anyways. after breaking up, you left everything unsolved between the two of you, leaving behind the memories as well, trying to make it easier for the both of you, after all. you weren’t mean. but that’s the first word in taeyong’s mind when he spotted you standing there at the track: it seemed as if your face became skinnier, your eyes were teary, hair somewhat shorter than what he was used to. you had changed, he decided, when you took a step closer to his car, which he couldn’t bring himself to change up. but he hadn’t changed in your eyes: he was still that little boy filled with enthusiasm, absolutely crazy for race cars, the taste of speed and you. especially you. “please, be careful” you whispered gently, as he drove away way too fast, as soon as the flag fell down. and then he disappeared in the night, loud and swift.

✰ TAEIL — teacher!au

when you applied for a job at the elementary school of the new town you’d moved to, you made a resolution in mind, learning from previous mistakes: you won’t be so forgiving with your students, you won’t let the parents tell you how to do your job and most importantly, you will NOT fall in love with someone at work ever again (it seemed fatal by then, since you had to leave your previous job because of that). you didn’t have that much of experience as a teacher, your diploma was pretty fresh, gathering dust on the drawer, but you would never let that make you feel less: you were enthusiastic, very thoughtful, as you brought cupcakes for your class, for example! i mean, on the previous night, while decorating the cupcakes with that pinkish icing, you wouldn’t have thought this would be the first step of the chain reaction – you fucked up a few times before when it was time for the first impressions, and let’s be real, that’s exactly what happened on your first day too: you clumsily dropped the whole tray of sweet treats in the entrance of the teacher’s lounge, half of the cupcakes actually ending up on one of your colleagues, who you had tons of gossips going around in the hallways following shortly. and you couldn’t even deny the obvious attraction you felt towards moon taeil, who you fell in love with on the first sight. he was a biology teacher which… well, made place for a few inappropriate biological jokes (well, yeah, sex-ed) coming from the sixth graders, or! the silly theories coming from the youngest of students, telling their parents that you are for sure pregnant (which would’ve made you furious if it wasn’t for their undeniable cuteness).

✰ JOHNNY — high school reunion!au

the first high school reunion of yours was arranged by the student who used to be the council president of your class, who even sent out handmade invitations to everyone, hoping that most of the class would go, not holding grudges against each other anymore, no matter how the bond between everyone of you was pretty much terrible. you were not that big of a persona amongst your peers, you were rather quiet, much like an outcast during your high school years, sometimes addressed with the ominous word “weird”, so you weren’t even planning on going, since you knew very well: no one would bother to notice you being there, or your absence either. it was in the last possible moment when your mother persuaded you finally, after a very big fight between the two of you, offering a ride as well, because (whether it’s a shame or not) you failed your traffic exam once again. focusing on this mainly, you were afraid you would come off as a total loser, as you always fail no matter what. but, after not much of thinking, you decided that you can simply lie, since you live very far away from this dusty little town anyways, no one could actually fact check what’s actually true from what you tell. even on the ride to your old school, you were thinking of false fun facts you could say when someone asks something, telling yourself that it’s not that big of a deal, not that big of a lie – as soon as you stepped into the school itself, though, the damn nostalgia reminded you how much of a loser you had always been. plus, the sight of johnny seo made the situation even worse. your throat felt dry, palm sweaty as your courage left your body slowly, evaporating suddenly, as a fully random girl from your class showed something on his phone to you, laughing loudly in your ear, adding something witty too; you were in love with johnny for a long time, and everyone who got to find this out sooner or later, decided to turn it against you as soon as they got the chance, like those mean, little girls in elementary. you never knew how johnny felt about you, since he never actually told you, or brought it up either, because he was simply understanding. well, in the dimly lit bathroom of the school, pressed against the cold tiles, you knew exactly what he might have felt, kissing you messily, like someone who had been starving. you two were cowards to tell the truth to each other, afraid of making steps forward.

✰ YUTA — rockstar!au

it was pretty much a cliché to hear the “i’m with the band” sentence over and over again, but when you started using it… no one could ever stop you. you were proud that your boyfriend reached his goals and his biggest dream, and every time you saw the ever growing audience at their concerts, a certain, really warm feeling appeared in your chest, slowly filling the whole of your body, which, let’s be real, got to your head a few times. the band had been a thing ever since you were high schoolers, really active ever since the first practice in that musty basement, not too intense back then, but really consistent, persistence paying off in the end, resulting in concerts, albums, and whatnot, including interviews – both of your worlds turned upside down, and nakamoto yuta, as the front man of the group became a star, bringing you with himself everywhere they had to go, like a lucky charm. he felt at ease whenever he could spot you in the crowd, maybe in the first row, dancing and singing along to their songs, or at times when you gave an intense, adrenaline driven kiss on his lips before their performances, rewarding him with something more after… somehow it all worked out, since you two were insanely, madly in love with each other. but how long is this going to be the norm? you’re afraid of guessing.

✰ DOYOUNG — royalty!au

it felt a little chaotic as you spent your time in the spacious library of the palace, dressed in your newly made red velvet dress and a crimson coloured mask on your face, far from the ball room, and even further from the musicians, the aristocrats and young men, ready to ask for your hand in marriage. you were only able to stay for one dance, not having the patience to talk to complete strangers, to dance with heirs you didn’t even know of, and to let them get the best of you, waiting for the right time to use you for their own good. no, you’re not suitable for such things, even if it sounded a little selfish at that moment. it bothered you anyway, that you had to look for The One you could marry – you didn’t want to decide during one night only, whether they could enjoy your company for the rest of their lives, or not. to decide who’s the richer man, you could envision yourself with. you sneaked out in a second, when no one actually paid attention to you anymore. you only found the library purely out of accident, but it was such a pleasant accident since you felt like you were home there. it was quiet, the room filled with the scent of old books, and you were left alone with your own feelings and wandering thoughts. or so you thought at first, until someone stormed inside the library, following you shortly (you wanted to guess how much time you spent there, completely lost in the world of books but you lost your sense of time soon after entering). you didn’t even pay attention to the new guest, you simply continued with the intriguing, dusty book in your hands. the newcomer, however, decided to take a seat right next to you, with his own novel he got from one of the closer shelves. he didn’t say a word, but you could feel the smirk playing on his face, angrily closing your book, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. he didn’t have a mask on, which made you recoil a little, your breath hitching at the sight of such handsome young man, turning the pages of his poem anthology with a smile on his face. his gaze met yours when he looked up, winking at you mischievously. and that funny, unfamiliar feeling you felt at that moment, couldn’t have been described in any of those books laying around, although there was at least a thousand of them. only the boy next to you would be able to do so: kim doyoung, the prince of the kingdom, the heir of the throne.

✰ JAEHYUN — forbidden love!au

you hated hearing the word “forbidden”, although you had heard it several times growing up. you’re not a monarch, you bear no wealth and you basically have nothing else either, but the always so kind and warmhearted heir, jaehyun, couldn’t stop spending his precious time with you, since he enjoyed your company to the extent that you were ashamed of it. you had been selling flowers on the street ever since you were a little girl, mind filled with dreams and false hope. jaehyun always made you feel important, never getting in your way of achieving what you’d always been dreaming of. he was always following your steps, much like the shadow of you, not wanting to leave you any time soon. you could’ve thought it was because of the close friendship between the two of you, and you had always been a little oblivious of recognizing such hidden signs. you let him hug you, smile the brightest whenever he looks at you, and you let him waste your time which you were keen on sacrificing for him, not once hesitating whether what you’re doing is right or not. maybe it was a waste of time to spend your time at the flower field together, smelling the sweet scent of flowers, gazing at the sky endlessly. the stupid feelings were so blind and deaf, they couldn’t hear the obvious alarms of “forbidden” being shouted time to time – when he kissed you for the first time, you didn’t feel guilty. you deserved that. guilt only arrived when it was too late already.

✰ JUNGWOO — fake dating!au

you were actually serious about that contract and the paperwork, as an all too practical person you had always been, but jungwoo shook his head, declining your offer every time, saying how stupid it actually was… since you two are friends, right, and this is a one time only thing. it’s just one night, where you can surprise your family, to let them know that you’re not suffering from relationship problems or anything. you got bored of them always bringing it up, and jungwoo had enough of hearing you complaining about it, so he came up with this whole “fake dating” idea. you weren’t too optimistic, especially since your whole family knew about him, which could make you both seem a little suspicious. he calmed you down, though, telling you that you’re just paranoid, and you can say, after a good two or three months, that you two broke up through tears. little did jungwoo know, that you were afraid of a different thing… which involves the feeling of love you had been feeling towards him for years. you didn’t want to let him know about this silly crush you had on him, but you clearly knew that this night will change everything, as you two will have to act like a real couple for the whole night, and you weren’t sure whether you would be able to leave it all behind, once you get used to it. selfish or not, you were afraid that after a night where you two have to hold each other’s hand, kiss each other here and there (in the name of pure acting), you won’t be able to resist the confession. well, it’s such a rookie mistake to forget about the reason why jungwoo offered this whole thing, right?

✰ MARK — childhood friends to lovers!au

ever since you've basically known your name, mark has been the boy next door. there was the cheeky, red letters of "lee" painted on the mailbox, the windows were adorned with the same coloured curtains, and the same doormat has been sitting in front of their door for ages. you have loved mark ever since you two have met. there wasn't a day where you wouldn't think of him, and there hasn't been a day when you haven't loved him. it was like a vicious circle which you couldn't get out of, because those stupid feelings would destroy the oh so precious friendship of yours, and you cannot let that happen, right? i mean, that's what you've thought for far too long, since this friendship meant more to you, than the fragile feeling of love – you didn't want it to get to the point where you would rather spit on each other, than talk it out. maybe that's why you pushed him away from yourself? maybe you just did that because you weren't too sure of your own peace of mind? no matter what, you knew the decision itself was wrong, only to realize it way too late. damaging the friendship and crying yourself to sleep was all your fault, after all, being way too proud and scared, stupid even; when you came back to the town where you two grew up, the least thing you wanted was to meet mark lee, mainly because you wouldn't have been able to look him in the eyes after all these happened. but you had to, so soon you even got a little surprised. it's been a while since the last time you have been home, your bedroom seemed way too unfamiliar at that point, just like the vhs tape placed directly in the middle of your bed. one which you haven't seen yet. it didn't have a title, the white label completely empty as you picked it up. you were a little bit cautious when placing it in the system, waiting for it to play whatever is on it, not having such large imagination to expect anything. it was a home video montage, full of videos of you and mark: playing together, getting ready for the first day of school, going to the movies, the way you two got engaged in middle school as a joke, and the omnious day of prom... you got teary eyed, with one thing on your mind - you have to go and save whatever's left now. maybe you're not too late.

✰ HAECHAN — rivals to lovers!au

lee donghyuck's name rushed through the hallways of your music academy just as quietly as a whisper, and you never knew why was it all like that ever since you've stepped foot into the school. you couldn't even hide the way too obvious rolls of your eyes every time you heard it. lee donghyuck was one of the biggest prodigies at the academy, no one could even be considered as a rival for him, this is mainly why he was such a big living legend amongst the students - you couldn't even hide how annoyed this made you, especially because he made sure you knew this ever since you two were little. music played a huge part in both of your lives, and somehow, you two always seemed to be at each other's throat, the first place at being the best always changing between the two of you. you could never get rid of each other either; your dad, always being so positive, once said, on your way to the academy sometime between sophomore and junior year, that the only reason behind this is that you two are equally good at what you're doing. you were pretty much skeptic for the longest of time, and felt as if you were destined to be the forever second next to him. you've had enough of always bumping into walls, since hyuck was the one who could stand at the first place ever so proudly. in kindergarten, in middle school, and even in high school, every. god damn. time. and that infuriating smile was plastered all upon his face even when you two were asked to not perform alone on the annual charity gala of your academy - you two had to perform something phenomenal, putting the childish jarring aside, growing out of the silly phase of hating each other, which was all made up by you, and you only, pushing the poor boy away from you. the boy who had always been so obsessed with you, utterly and completely. he won this time again, isn't it right?

[siriusremusblack]

Uh, welcome to my TED Talk I guess?

Imagine this. From a young age, ever since you can remember, your father was abusive and neglectful. Your mother also neglectful but is a bit more caring. At the age of nine you meet someone that is similar to you in one way or another and you become friends. That person is the only one that can bring you any semblance of love, appreciation, kindness and happiness- that you as a small child need. You know at age eleven you will finally be able to get away from your abusive household because of a wizarding school that is similar to a boarding school. You know of it from old books your mother owned, hearing about it from her and some others, and usually is a topic in your parents fights.. you think you will finally have some peace from the abuse, a safe space where you can just exist normally like any other person there.

But… then you meet the rich, popular, pureblood, well known kid and their friends. They immediately start hating on you for simply wanting to be in a specific house.. and the next thing you know. Your sanctuary you would’ve had for seven years has been turned into another hell for you.

The staff and other students don’t care for your situation. Even your best friend you’ve known since you were nine seems to be drifting closer to your tormentors and farther away from you. Then when you’re in a highly stressful situation (being SAed in front of everyone) you say a slur referring to your best friend (which also applies to yourself) you feel horrible, and you apologize. Yet, your friend asks you to leave them alone for good and you do. You have lost the only person that has ever cared about you.

So, you join a group that promises you affection, power, authority, care, etc. You feel accepted for once, like you belong. Then, that group puts your former best friend and her family in danger, so you ask the big boss to spare your friend as the target was her child so you couldn’t ask to spare the kid and the husband was your main tormentor.. so you only asked him to spare your ex best friend. But you’re worried he won’t keep his word because you’ve seen first hand how he is like.

So you go back to one person you’ve met, that you know likes them. Even though they’ve never shown you any concern or cared for what happened to you. You seek them out for help. You ask them to save your friend, then to save their family. Including your tormentor. You practically sell yourself to the man to have this done. Yet. Your friend still dies, only her child survived and you’re tasked with protecting him subtly when he goes to the school as a first year, much later and on top of that you’re to be a double agent, spy and a professor with many many tasks and responsibilities in the very same school you were traumatized and abused. With the very same people who ignored your needs, your trauma and your pain in favor of your abusers.

The kid you’re tasked to protect from year 1 to year 7 is almost an exact carbon copy of your tormentor look wise. Which is a huge trigger. Not only that but they have the eyes of your former best friend. Those eye they use to stare at you with contempt from day one because they automatically assume upon seeing you, that you’re bad and out to get them. When you’re not. Those eyes you see everyday on the carbon copy of your tormentor triggers you, it brings you unimaginable emotional pain you can’t express or explain to anyone. You still have no one.

Not only that, but you’re autistic. You’re misunderstood and have been for your entire life. You don’t know what genuine affection is and you base your actions on how those around you act because those are your role models. Your role models are witty, sassy and sarcastic. They have obvious bias and favoritism towards their own houses and students. They ignore what they want. You act like them. You copy them but yet, you’re still hated while they’re adored by everyone, because you’re favorites aren’t the same as theirs…

Everyone is upset that you’re too “bitter” and “petty” and too sarcastic and sharp tongued. When really you’re an autistic wizard who has been traumatized and vilified all your life with little to know support. You’re seen as petty because you couldn’t get over something that happened years ago, even though it was so traumatic it will always affect you and you have no support system to get the help you need. You’re seen as bitter for being prickly around others and careful about who you get close to, even though you’re surrounded by people who never cared for you constantly seeing triggers wherever you look.

How can you be nice when everyone around you doesn’t seem to be? How can you be nice when you never been on the receiving end of someone genuinely being nice? How can you be nice when you’re in constant stress over multiple taxing jobs? How can you be nice when you’re triggered everyday by constant reminders of your trauma? How are you expected to open up and be nice, caring, happy when you’re silently struggling with immense pain because the people around you never cared to help you? How can you be expected to act in a way when you were never taught or shown how to do so? When all your life you’ve been abused and neglected and unappreciated? You can’t be.

Those with support systems can improve if they want to. They can manage the symptoms of their trauma. But without a support system it is extremely difficult almost impossible to improve and heal. How can you expect someone to be a happy go lucky person when all their life they were beaten down and abused by everyone around them? Trauma affects people throughout their entire lives. Without the proper support and care a person cannot properly heal. It is the same for physical wounds, if you don’t get the proper treatment for it, it won’t properly heal. If it doesn’t properly heal it can and will hurt you more later on. You cant expect someone who was hit by a car and paralyzed to be a track star racer. The same applies to someone who has gone through so much abuse and hate and trauma, you can’t expect them to be this loving, happy, extroverted person.

[wannabeschyulersister]

not a goodbye

“I think you should go to New York.”

Carmen had been staring at the huge whole on the side of the house for the last twenty minutes. The cold air rushing through didn’t phase him at all.

Your words did.

“What? Wh-what are you talking about?”

“I overheard your conversation with Michelle. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I was actually trying to avoid Fak. He was trying to talk to me about those damn baseball cards.” You stepped closer to Carmen and he grabbed your hand.

“I’m not going.” He simply said.

“Carmen, look around. This is chaos. Your future is so fucking bright but this-“ you waved your free hand around, “isn’t what’s good for you mentally. I love your family and I know that you do too but you have to put yourself first.”

Carmen was a stubborn man. After the fiasco that you both witnessed at dinner, you hoped that he would take up Michelle on her offer.

“I can’t put myself first. I need to be here for my mom and Sugar. Michael is just- he’s a mess. I can’t just leave everyone. I can’t leave you. I won’t- I won’t leave you. I need you.” Carmen felt like he was beginning to panic at the sheer thought of being away from you.

You placed your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat begin to pick up faster. “Carmy, we wouldn’t be saying goodbye for long. I’m graduating in a few months. I’m sure there’s plenty of marketing agencies I can apply to work at in New York. And I can visit you as much as I can.”

Carmy shook his head stubbornly, “No, (Y/n). Didn’t you see what just happened here? I can’t leave them like this!”

“You can’t put the weight of the world on your shoulders,” you told him, hoping he would listen to your words, “You can’t fix everyone’s problems especially if they don’t want to help themselves.”

Carmen rested his forehead against your shoulder and wrapped his arms around you. He knew deep down you were right. In that moment, it all felt so overwhelming. His family was a disaster.

He didn’t want you to attend his family’s dinner tonight but he still invited you anyways. He knew how badly things could turn out to be but he selfishly wanted you there for support.

Carmen held your hand during dinner when everything went to hell. He honestly didn’t even know how he would’ve sat there and handled anything without you by his side.

You’d been around his family dozens of times. Sugar adored you. Michael made you feel welcomed as soon as he first met you. Donna was another story. You understood the situation and avoided her as much as you could. You were always respectful and spoke to her, but you didn’t go out of your way to strike a conversation. She had the ability to completely snap on someone and you didn’t want it to happen to you.

“You really think I should go?” He asked you softly.

“Yes, I do. I believe in your future. In our future. I know you’re going to do amazing things, Carmy.”

You felt him kiss your neck, “I love you.”

“And I love you. I know it’s going to be hard but we can make it.”

He nodded before kissing your lips, “We can make it.”

[jjunieworld]

02. at 6pm tomorrow ⸝ ˚⋆

↳ half written, half texts. word count: 1.5k

you and yunjin go through the doors of the cafe, the bell at the top ringing in the process. your friends look up and smiles spread across their faces.

you both take your seats at the table. yunjin reaches over and takes a small bag of chips from hueningkai. a waiter, who’ve you all become quite accustomed to, asks you all for your order. she scribbles away on her little notepad and you all ring out your answers, tells you all to have a nice day, and then scurries off.

“don’t be mad…” you start, turning to jake, yeonjun, and hueningkai. they give you an expectant look.

“soobin asked to join, he needs my help with classes.” you glance at the clock, he should be here any moment. you hear a chorus of groans and turn your head back to the group.

“i do not want to see that asshole’s face,” yeonjun says, a bitter look on his face. you always seem to forget that he has a history with soobin and his friends. they all used to be friends until they betrayed yeonjun and everyone who wasn’t part of it went along with it. your heart sinks a little.

“i’m so sorry, yeonjun,” you say. “i tried to tell him i had plans but he said he really needed my help since i’m in the class.” yeonjun just shrugs a little.

“it’s okay, it’s not your fault. i just hate him.” the waiter comes back with your drinks and you all dig in.

“so what did he need your help with again?” hueningkai asked. you reminded him and he let out an ‘ahh’.

“didn’t think he was that smart if i’m being honest,” jake said. earning a laugh from the group. he was next to you at the table so you elbowed him, causing him to spit out a little of his drink. “hey!”

the bell at the top of the door rang and you shot your head towards it. soobin walked in, the same as you’ve seen him only thirty minutes before, looking around looking for you.

you could get used to him looking for you, you thought.

you raised your hand a little and waved it in the air, hoping you’re not coming off as desperate. it got his attention and he smiled as he made his way up to your group. you stood as he reached the table.

“hello,” soobin waved and looked around the group. you couldn’t help but notice how his eyes quickly traveled over yeonjun. you desperately wish that you knew the whole story of what went down between them.

when you came to your friends about your crush on soobin, they reacted the way you would’ve expected. some yay’s, some boo’s, but yeonjun revealed that they actually know each other. he told the group about being friends, and then the betrayal, and how the others turned on him as well. you instantly felt bad about the feelings that blossomed for soobin. you told yeonjun that you’ll try your hardest to quickly get over soobin, but he told you not to worry about it. that what happened between them was a while ago, and you can’t help who you like. still, you felt horrible and tried your hardest to get over soobin, but as soon as all the feelings were almost gone he would do something that would make them come back at full force.

“hi,” you smiled. you grabbed your drink from the table. “let’s go to an empty table and i can help you.” he nodded and the two of you walked to a table a couple tables away from the one your friends were at. not far away enough that you couldn’t see them, but far enough that you couldn’t hear their conversation.

anxiety was rushing through you and it took everything in your power to try and appear calm as the two of you sat down together. scenarios were popping up in your mind and you forcibly pushed them back.

he sets the bag he was carrying down on the table and pulls out his laptop. when he opens it, it's already open to the classes that you can apply for.

“so i was looking through the requirements for the class and i think i’m qualified for most of them, but there’s one requirement that i’m sort of confused about.” soobin points to the requirement that he’s talking about and you lean into the laptop to take a look.

the two of you are so close now that your arms are almost brushing against each other. you take a deep breath. the requirement is about how if you count the credits towards one course that isn’t for sociology, then you won’t be permitted in the class.

“currently, i have the credits going to economics, but i don’t know if i could change that or not.” soobin says

you nod, thinking, “you should be able to switch the credits over to sociology and it should count for the minor. i would just go and talk to the dean just to make sure.” you decide to be bold and look over at him. “other than that, you should be able to take the foundations of sociological theory.”

he leans back in his chair and smiles at you for a moment, catching you horrendously off guard. you can’t help but smile back at him.

“you’re the best, y/n,” he starts, when you start to tell him it’s nothing he cuts you off with, “no really, you are! none of my friends knew what to do and it would’ve been kinda embarrassing to go to mr. lee himself. you’re a lifesaver.”

the words replay in your mind over and over. and you look down to try and hide your heated cheeks only to notice that you and soobin’s knees are touching.

this is absolutely unbearable, you think, but a huge smile breaks out in your face.

“i need to repay your kindness somehow!” you hear soobin say, making you look up.

“oh! there’s no need for that, truly. anyone would’ve did what i did!”

soobin shakes his head, “i insist! hm…” he trails off as he looks away and thinks for a moment. “how about i buy you dinner? what do you say, tomorrow at 6pm? at rosello’s?”

you laugh a little and nod, giving in, “yeah… okay! okay, that sounds good!” your heart leaps in your chest. you’re on cloud nine and can’t help to feel that this might be the start of something new.

soobin nods, and packs his laptop back up. you both stand up as he puts his bag on.

“thank you again,” he says, turning to you. you put a hand up.

“it was nothing really! i’m happy to help!”

“see you tomorrow. rosello’s at 6pm, don’t forget!” he says. the two of you begin to walk away from your table, you back to your friend’s table and him to the door. you give a little wave as he turns towards the door, hearing the ringing sound and it shutting behind him.

as soon as you sit down, yunjin shows you all the pictures she sneaked of the two of you together. you playfully scold her, but inside you were ascending. one was of the two of you where your arms were brushing together, another of him leaning back in his chair smiling at you, and another of the two of you smiling at each other. it looked like you guys were a couple on a date.

your cheeks heated up even more and your friends made fun of you for it.

“what’s at 6pm tomorrow?” hueningkai asked. you told them of him insisting to buy you dinner at rosello’s, a pretty expensive restaurant in the middle of town.

“wow,” jake said, as if he were telling a dramatic retelling, “an expensive candlelight dinner! just the two of you! ooo… what could happen next!” you elbowed him again.

“it’s not a candlelight dinner!” you protested.

“it actually is,” yunjin said. your eyes widen. was this supposed to be a date? was he asking you out?

no, you think to yourself, it was just him being nice.

“remember us when you’re too busy with soobin saying how much you love each other,” said hueningkai, teasingly. you quickly shushed him and looked around the cafe. thankfully the people who were in the cafe were tables away and none of them heard him. the group laughed as you all gathered your things to leave.

your friends were ahead of you already making their way to the door as you were grabbing your drink. yeonjun came up beside you and put a hand on your shoulder. he had a serious look on his face.

“i just want you to be careful with him, y/n. him and his friends. you don’t know the type of people they are.”

you gave him a firm nod, “i promise i will be.” and the two of you followed your friends out the cafe.

masterlist.

summary: choi soobin has always been the popular kid surrounded by his popular friends. y/n… not so much. one night, soobin and his friends make bet that soobin can’t get y/n to date him in a month. unfortunately for y/n, they’re a hopeless romantic.

A/N: giggling and kicking my feet like i’m not the one who wrote it… enjoy!

taglist: @imagineyour-kpopboy @gothgyuu @carengene (if your name is bold it wouldn’t let me tag you!)

— kipo <3

[kumabeom]

saudade love 🫧

episode nine : red lipstick 💋

synopsis : actress!yn and actor!soobin are forced by their companies to date as a publicity stunt to promote their latest releases. however what’s to happen when yn and soobin spend more and more time together even though yn’s closest friend is keeping secrets.

soobin buttoned up the last button on his shirt, before hearing your voice call out his name. he opens the door of the changing room he was currently in, taking a peek out and seeing your confused figure.

“im over here !” he called out, fully opening the door. you turned your head around, seeing soobin. immediately popping a smile, you made your way towards him.

“can i come in ? are you done changing.” soobin nodded. allowing you to come in, seeing you with your complete red gown. you looked so pretty, hair done and makeup so beautifully on. don't get him wrong !! soobin loved you with make up on and off! but he had yet to see you so dressed up that he just couldn’t help but let his heart beat even quicker.

“the stylist had an idea,” you raise the red lipstick up a bit. showing soobin the lipstick and hope that he would understand the message behind your actions. but all you received was an eyebrow furrow from him. “she thinks that i should apply the lipstick and umm… leave kiss marks all over you.. are you okay with that ?” you ask, shyly fidgeting with your own fingers.

“o-oh yeah! i’m okay with that, do you want to put some on my shirt ? i can take it off so you can do it comfortably.” soobin offers, beginning to move his hands towards the red heart shaped buttons on his button up, before stopping after seeing you shake your head.

“umm no, it’s okay. i can do it with the shirt on if you’re okay with it..?” you immediately look at soobin who just nods, cheeks reddening as he took a seat on a stool, hoping to lower down a little so that you wouldn’t have any kind of trouble. however, there wasn’t much a difference when he sat down. you apply the red lipstick, soobin keeping a nervous eye on your actions. he felt his palms beginning to sweat, wiping it off on his black trousers. you anxiously got closer placing a gentle kiss on soobin’s button up, practically kissing his chest. you carefully placed your hands on his shoulder, an attempt to keep yourself steady. if anybody saw you two in your current state, they would definitely think the two of you were dating, with absolutely no doubt in their minds.

your lips met soobin’s button up a few more times, before looking up right at him. a welcoming stare resting on his face.

shit.

you don’t know what happened.

how it happened.

or why it’s still happening.

why aren’t you stopping yourself ?

self control has never been your best interest.

your lips on his. your lips on choi soobin’s lips. heart racing. you’ve kissed soobin multiple times for saudade love, but it’s never felt like this. like a truly loving kiss. soobin couldn’t help but bring his hands up towards your waist, pulling you closer to him. causing you to stumble a bit, but your stance was still secure with soobin’s arms around your waist. your hands cupping his cheeks, the caressing the soft skin with your thumb.

soobin could taste the lipgloss that you had applied minutes before you put on the lipstick. a sweet strawberry flavor mixing in with his rather candy-like lip mask. the sticky substance clinging onto your lips, you really couldn’t be bothered to care. not when your hands were beginning to tug at his button up, oh how badly soobin wanted to pull you into his lap and he would be able to.. if it wasn’t for that red gown that he so loved seeing you in.

abruptly you pull away, pink blush decorating your face as soobin took a moment to catch his breath. he tried to read you, and this time he was successful, but his heart ached. why did you look so regretful, he felt the same way, or else he would’ve pulled away instead of letting you kiss him.

“i’m sorry..!” you exclaimed, immediately putting your thumb over soobin’s lips, attempting to wipe off the red lipstick. which didn’t work, only causing a greater mess on him. you furrowed your eyebrows, panickedly messing with his lips.

“sorry for what ?” soobin questioned, leaning in to your touch, completely forgetting that his arms were still around your waist. you hadn’t necessarily forgotten his touch, but you didn’t want to move away from his warmth.

“i’m sorry for.. kissing you.. it just kinda happened… sorry i must’ve made you so uncomfortable… and now your lips.. they’re all red.” soobin graced you with a warm smile, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

“it’s fine, you shouldn’t have to apologize. i was okay with it, could you not tell.” he asked, pulling you somehow even closer with his arms. “yn.. i really do li-“

soobin’s confession was cut short by a knock at the door. as yeji, bursted into the room, taking in the scene that she walked in on. it all looked a little more passionate than it really was, soobin’s messy button up which was not nearly as tucked in as it previously was. the red lip stains all over him, she couldn’t believe it. last time she checked, both you and soobin weren’t actually dating so why were the two of you like this in a private setting..

“your stylist is asking if you’re almost done.. the two of you are expected out there soon.” yeji states, an angry tone in her voice. all you did was nod before she made her way out of the room. slamming the door shut.

“i think you should put one on my neck” soobin grinned, beginning to feel himself get carried away with the red lipstick. once he felt your lips on his neck, he immediately requested one last mark. “and what about my cheek..?”

©️kumabeom

an : hehehh short written part but that’s all there is to the scene 🤭

taglist (send asks !) : @run2seob @soobadooba @mrsyawnzzn @matcha-binz @taehyhunnzly @20crowsinahoodie @lun4kazumii @lunathewritingcat @wonjws @yourenzoo @missychief1404 @304blur @coconutjjun @theycallmelolla @girlz4jaem @everythingvirgoes @pinkhor1zon @nshitae @damn-u-min-yoongi @jiweok @wonderstrucktae @thing89 @pagetammgyu

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 11: solace

chapter index | next chapter

“My dad invited sukuna to the companys holiday party tomorrow” gojo spoke with his mouth full of food

You, airi and gojo had gone out to eat while Megumi went bowling with his friends for his birthday. Although you and gojo were a little sad about it, you were both definitely excited at the idea that megumi actually had friends he would willingly hang out with.

“What for?” You asked as you focused on coloring the kids menu with airi, gojo was too hungry to wait and ordered an appetizer that wasn’t appealing to you or airi

“Just a courtesy invite I guess, considering the deal that happened a while ago, I doubt he’ll go though” gojo replied as he looked around the room

“Yeah we’ll see about that” you don’t really think sukuna will pass on the opportunity to be an asshole to gojo

“Do I have permission to be mean to him?” Gojo asked with a sly tone

“Would it even matter if I said you couldn’t?” You joked glancing up at him

“Probably not” gojo retorted taking another bite

You smiled to yourself because you know he would’ve respected whatever you asked of him even if he probably didn’t agree with it

“Who are you talking about mommy?” Airi chimed in

“Just an old friend of mine, baby” you responded as you kissed her head

You and gojo made eye contact from across the table, trying not to laugh at your response. You’re not stupid, you know that eventually she’ll ask about her dad. Maybe she thinks its satoru even though you’ve told her hes her uncle, you’re not sure she truly grasps that concept. You know once she starts school it’ll no longer be easier to avoid the “do I have a dad?” Or “where is my dad?” questions.

You’re aware that you and satoru discussed that he wouldn’t have “stepdad” title but the way he has been present in her life, you wouldn’t be able to blame her. That was a conversation you were dreading to have, and even more so if sukuna did become present in airis life, what would that to your family now? It was a scary thought and maybe what was part of holding you back from telling sukuna. You didn’t want to lose what you have now for someone who probably wouldn’t even stick around. And maybe the smallest tiniest selfish part of you felt like he deserved not knowing, that thought in itself ate you up inside and you felt riddled with guilt that you would deprive airi of a father out of spite.

Airi just hummed in response seemingly losing interest and instead asking when you guys were gonna see megumi

“In a bit he’s with his friends right now” you told her as nice as possible but she still lifted her head from the paper she was coloring with a pout on her face

“Are we gonna have cake?” She asked and you laughed because you figured thats why she was asking

“Yes, we are!” gojo answered “even if megumi doesn’t like sweet stuff, he already told me what flavor to get”

You smiled knowing megumi probably chose that for the sake of airi and gojo (but he’d never admit the gojo part)

“I hope its chocolate” airi whispered as she went back to coloring

“Do you think megumis enjoying himself?” You spoke up changing the subject

Gojo sighed “I hope so, its hard to tell with that kid sometimes”

——— Megumi and yuji had a few more friends from school that they actually got along with, so convincing megumi to do something for his birthday wasn’t the hardest thing to do. Mainly because megumi doesn’t really care for his birthday, he doesn’t think he’s ever really understood the excitement around them. Even if when he was growing up, you and gojo tried to make them fun for him he just couldn’t enjoy it. This applied to when it was someone else’s birthday too, he couldn’t help but feel normal about it. Megumi shakes his head slightly as he realizes he’s too into his own thoughts when its supposed to be his turn, and to his luck (even though he was distracted) he threw a strike that went unnoticed by his friends because they were currently barely learning everything thats been happening in yuji and megumis lives

“Wait, so I’m confused you have an actual niece?” Nobara half shouted over the noise of the bowling alley

Yuji nodded proudly “yup and we almost have the same birthday too”

Nobara was genuinely shocked, sure she hadn’t known yuji for that long but she had heard a few stories about his older brother and truly who would want to be with that man? but even more crazy that the mom of yujis niece was megumis older sister figure (?) Nobara wasn’t too sure how megumi viewed you, but she assumed that would be the best observation on her behalf. Either way the entire situation sounds like a mess and shes honestly shocked they were acting semi-normal at school, if she was in their shoes she would’ve used the chaos as an opportunity to miss a day or two of school.

“And your brother still doesn’t know?” Maki interjected

Yujis smile dropped and his body language changed entirely, he curled in a little on himself and refused to make eye contact before mumbling “well no, not yet”

It was barely loud enough but maki and nobara still heard. Before maki could respond Megumi came back from his turn, “You’re next” Megumi addressed maki as he approached the group but he noticed it had gotten a little awkward, as he figured it would considering the conversation had landed on airi and you about 10 minutes ago. Yuji had truly done a great job at telling their friends about the past few weeks, so naturally they were pretty invested. Not that megumi could blame them, the whole situation sounded like something out of a tv show considering how dramatic it all was.

“Won’t that piss him off?” Nobara asked with an incredulous tone “the fact that you know he has a kid and just didn’t say anything”

Megumi nervously looked at yuji after nobaras comment

“Its not really up to me and I can’t condemn the decision either” yuji sounded a little irritated and maki could tell

“Well its not our place to judge nobara” maki stood up ready for her turn turning to look at megumi and yuji, who both had a displeased look on their faces “but him not knowing might blow up in your guys faces eventually”

Nobara huffed and shrugged “whatever man, it’s not my brother”

Yuji doesn’t know why that stings as much as it does. In his mind he thinks he understands the situation but is it really truly fucked up that he hasn’t told his own brother? Should he have fought to defend sukuna a little bit more? Deep down yuji knows sukuna cares about him but would this screw up their already precarious relationship? And he feels even more guilty knowing this is supposed to be megumis birthday and they’re making it about yujis family issues

“Its fine, we’ll figure it out” megumi spoke up noticing that yuji seemed to have zoned out

After that awkward conversation the rest of the evening went fine and despite his friends antics megumi found himself smiling to himself throughout the day, he didn’t think it was all that bad, but he’d never admit that.

———-

“Maki was too good it wasn’t fair!” yuji exclaimed with a mouthful of cake while recounting the day to you and gojo.

“So you guys had fun?” You asked as you finally joined them at the dinner table, sitting right next to airi

They both nodded but megumi spoke up first “it was fine”

Gojo groaned looking directly at yuji “ignore him, that’s megumi talk for he loved it”

You, gojo and yuji broke out into laughter as megumis face got red

“That doesn’t even make sense” megumi retorted

“It does too” gojo argued

You smiled fondly at the interaction, their arguments never got old to you and you hoped they’d never stop. Airi was hardly talking as she was very focused on enjoying the cake she had been talking about all day, she was hardly talking but laughing plenty as her and gojo kept making silly faces at each other.

As the night went on, you let yourself enjoy it because it all just felt so natural and peaceful. Yet the guilt leaves a bitter taste in every moment nowadays. At this point in time, the idea of telling sukuna seemed less hurtful than hiding airi like this. As you watched Airi attempt to play some car racing game with gojo and Megumi, you let your mind wander to the outcome of sukuna finding out, possibly the most annoying part of this whole situation is how you cant make up your mind.

You decided to busy yourself by cleaning up the plates left from the cake and decide to push sukuna as far out of your mind as possible. You laugh at the exaggerated and fake complaints from Gojo as he claims that he lost (he purposely did bad so that airi wouldn't land in last place, not that she understands the concept but he does it anyways) you wish he’d let her lose so doesn’t expect to win every time but he disagrees. You dont notice that yuji, who decided to skip out on the game, followed you to the kitchen

“Can I ask you something?” Yuji spoke up startling you

You turn around to face him noticing he had an unreadable expression “of course… what’s up?”

“How do you do it?” Yuji asked as he shifted around uncomfortably not making eye contact

You gave him a curious look, waiting for him to continue

“Deal with the guilt” yuji spat out “I understand why you won't tell him, at least I think I do, but how do you deal with the idea that he knows nothing… that airi knows nothing”

You’re taken aback by how blunt he was, feeling yourself fight back tears, its odd how he seemed to know how your conscience was eating you alive the past few weeks. You didnt respond but instead looked down at the plates in your hands, the blue frosting smeared over the plate and a half eaten piece that megumi didn't finish.

Yuji took your silence as a cue to keep talking “I feel awful, every time I think about him finding out I feel a knot in my stomach and” he paused as he swallowed “he might not be the best brother, and maybe” he gestured to you “he wasn’t the best boyfriend in the end, but I don’t know if this is right”

Yuji was taking a risk here knowing this could make you either angry or sad but he hoped you’d understand. Nobara comment from earlier kept replaying in his mind, he couldnt even enjoy the rest of megumis birthday because at the very front of his mind was the idea that this could ruin any progress he hass made with sukuna. Not just that but, if he was in sukunas shoes… he’s not sure how he’d react. In yujis mind, if by any chance sukuna doesn’t care about airi the idea that yuji knew and didn’t tell him would probably still bother him.

You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying, you truly wish you didnt cry so much nowadays but ever since you had airi your emotional state as been a bit turbulent. You know deep down yujis not wrong, and hes not telling you this out of malicious intent, but it still stings all the same.

“Im sorry, I really am, it must be harder on you considering you have to face him everyday” you moved to put the plates in the sink “I know, in some sense you’re right, and its been chipping away at my conscience everyday lately”

Yuji looks at you, your faced away from him but you can feel the daggers he’s staring into the back of your head

“Theres nothing I can say to make you feel better about the whole thing, because I put you in a difficult position” you sighed before continuing “all I ask is that you give me a few days okay? Just let me think about it” you turn around to half smile at him, maybe it wouldnt hurt to grab lunch with sukuna and see where he’s at mentally, if its even feasible to drop such a heavy topic.

Yuji breaks out into a laugh of relief “man, I thought you were gonna get pissed at me for that” he rubbed the back of his head with an awkward smile on his face and you find yourself smiling back. He really was such a good kid, and you’re thankful megumi has him as a friend.

————

“I expect you to have a professional attitude today, satoru” Gojo Sr. spoke through the phone

Satoru rolled his eyes in a way he hoped his father could sense, as he made breakfast “you say that like I don’t usually”

Satoru moved around the kitchen with ease as he brushed off his fathers rant about the holiday party their company was throwing. His mind truly would not be invested in this evening, with the occasional stray thought roaming to how he’d handle a sukuna confrontation including how busy work has been? His fathers lecture was exhausting to say the least.

“It starts at 6” Gojo Sr broke satorus train of thought

“Why so late? Thats ridiculous” satoru pointed out

“Thats not late…”

Satoru pouted on the otherside of the phone call this night was sounding more and more nightmarish with each minute. Yeah this would just be his everyday life in the years to come, and maybe it wasn’t as awful as he makes it out to be considering most clients love him, but his fathers involvement made satoru loathe the very idea of going into work— even if it was literally a party. 10 minutes later, the call ended with some small pointless argument that satoru couldn’t bring himself to care about.

You walked into the kitchen and noticed gojo seemed on edge about something but you didn’t pry, if he wanted to talk about it he’d bring it up.

Satoru was grateful you never expected anything of him but simply just to be himself. He yearned for that growing up and when he could no longer find it in geto, he found solace in your presence. In the back of his mind, the idea of sukuna coming into the picture for airi was something scary. Satoru knew he had no ownership or demanded loyalty of you but he didn’t wanna lose the family he had now, and in some sense he could tell you felt the same way. For so many years in your weakest moments, you both were all each other had and while change is inevitable he wished it wasn’t something he was dreading. It was the elephant in the room that neither you, gojo nor megumi was willingly to address ever since yuji came along.

“So for Christmas, I got airi the doll house she wanted” gojo spoke up

“Satoru…” you shook your head but smiled “thank you but where is that going to fit?” you joked

He shrugged “she’ll probably forget about her old one we’ll just replace it”

You shook your head at his logic, truly a sentence that could come from someone who was spoiled in his childhood

“No, she’ll use both until it breaks or we can at least donate it”

Gojo shrugged in agreement, knowing not to argue with you

“Good luck today” you mumbled as you watched him flip the pancakes in the pan grimacing at the way It looked a little too burnt. Work for him is a touchy subject, that you’ve learned is better left untouched but you don’t want him to think you don’t care

“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to have the loudest argument possible with sukuna” he turned his head to give you the cheesiest smile possible

“Very funny, Satoru”

Megumi came downstairs shortly after, he looked tired, as expected of someone who never really socializes

"did you have a nice time yesterday?" you asked as you stole bacon from the plate gojo set aside

"wasn't bad" megumi shrugged

"would it kill you to say you had a nice time?" gojo complained

"yes, it would actually" megumi deadpanned

"whatever, did you set your new phone up?" gojo asked, he had gotten megumi a new phone for his birthday (and for Christmas he'd be getting a new gaming console and headphones which gojo was excited to give him)

"yeah actually, thank you" megumi pulled said phone out of his pocket "its bigger than my old one its pretty cool"

you and gojo smiled at each other because that was probably the most enthusiastic you'd ever see megumi about his birthday-- or presents in general

————

The employees started pouring in and the building grew into a lively atmosphere much unlike during the workday, it was something satoru could never get used to. Every year it was the same, he’d spectate the crowd as he prepared to put on his best act. He could fool everyone, except his dad and maybe thats where the innate irritation for nights like these came from.

His rant in his mind was cut off as his dad knocked on his office door telling him to “greet people” in all honesty gojo was going to do that in just a few minutes but now that his father was telling him to he felt compelled to say no.

After gojo begrudgingly left his office, familiar faces greeted him and he always makes sure to reciprocate the same energy at least until he sees sukuna walk through the doors with a smirk on his face and the receptionist, Rei, following behind him. Gojo knows his face changed for a brief moment and he hopes no one noticed, he knows this has to remain professional but what he would do to punch that pink haired idiot in the face.

Gojo pretended to be invested in conversation with some employee he’s not even sure what his name was so as to come off as unbothered. Yet out of the corner of his eye, he saw sukuna approaching him, and the conversation he was in the middle of became more and more distant.

“Gojo” Sukuna interrupted the poor soul who was in the middle of speaking

Gojos smile slightly twitched as he turned to face the voice of the man he knew all to well

“Sukuna” gojo stuck out his hand for a handshake but he had desperately hoped sukuna wouldn’t reciprocate the energy.

And when sukuna met gojo half way the handshake held more weight and tension than any conversation could.

next chapter

[urdepressedslut]

Not By Blood

♡ Pairing: Platonic!BuckyNat x Enhanced!Teen!Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Natasha returns with an injury. Steve of course blames you.

♡ Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of gunfire/gunshot, injuries, vomiting, dissociation, anxiety attacks, steve being an asshole

You sat on the edge of your bed, having a staring contest with the wall. Seeing as the color of the paint was doing an okay job at distracting you from your thoughts. But it didn’t matter anyway, Steve’s words rang in your head.

It should’ve been you.

You tried to play it off as Steve just being concerned for his dear friend Nat. But you couldn’t brush off the hostility laced into his words.

It was a typical mission gone wrong, mistakes were made. People ended up getting hurt. But it was all an accident. Although Steve, didn’t see it that way.

Most of the time, you were seen as a helpful addition to the team. The power of invisibility making you stealthy, being able to retrieve important information without ever being seen. You had quite the advantage of taking down enemies when you weren’t visible.

While you were actively unseen, light and objects could pass through you. Explaining why the bullet passed through you, into Nat’s side.

You had been spooked by the gunshot, instincts swift as you vanished, leaving Nat exposed. Bucky had acted fast, downing the hidden sniper as you reappeared. Immediately being sent into panic, shakily applying your hands over her wound.

Bucky had immediately shoved you away, tending to his lovers wound. It was merely a push out of adrenaline, him needing space to help Nat. But you couldn’t help but feel the shove come off too strongly.

Many hours later, Nat was rushed back to the compound, into the medbay where she was taken immediately. The doctors, including Bruce had done their magic, announcing to everyone waiting, that she’d be okay after some rest.

The announcement eased your anxiety, the waves of nausea drifting finally. Standing up, you headed for Nat’s room.

That was until Steve’s strong arm blocked your path, nearly having you fall backwards in surprise.

“Steve! You scared m—”

“Where do you think you’re going?” He interrupted you, looking down at you with a quizzical glare, making you feel small.

“Um… To Nat’s room.” You told him, shrinking back a little more at his glare turning frustrated.

“Haven’t you done enough? She needs rest.” Steve scolded you, the nausea starting to make its return.

“I know, I just wanted to see her.” You begged, needing to see for your own eyes that Nat was okay.

“You think you should be allowed to? After what happened? She trusted you (Y/n), but not after you used her as a human shield!” Steve raised his voice, crossing his arms. His stance made it clear you weren’t allowed to pass.

“She doesn’t deserve to be in there…” He paused, looking at you up and down in disgust, “It should’ve been you.”

You were taken aback at his accusation, like you would ever purposely hurt any of your teammates, especially Nat and Bucky. Steve’s words cut deep, leaving you speechless. The sob bubbling up in your throat leaving you unable to defend yourself.

But it was the lowly muttered last words that had you wanting to crawl into a hole and hide away from everyone. You looked up to Steve, he had belived in you. What had changed?

Steve just shook his head, a flash of guilt marking his features before his harsh glare returned.

“Go to your room and clean yourself up.” He commanded.

You didn’t have any energy, nor did you trust you voice enough to respond. If you did, you would’ve scolded Steve for speaking to you like a child. You were the youngest in the whole facility, but you weren’t a child.

That’s how you found yourself sitting in your room, staring at the wall, in hopes you’d disappear if you sat still long enough.

The guilt was consuming you completely, maybe Steve was right. Nat had done more than enough to prove herself worthy, she was a valuable teammate. You were… You were just additional baggage. Not necessarily needed.

The thought that you had gotten Nat injured was making you sick, dizzy with guilt. Before you knew what was happening, you were sprinting to the bathroom, sliding just in time to empty your stomach in the toilet.

After a few more moments of dry heaving, you leaned back against the wall next to the porcelain, using the coolness from the wall behind you to calm your clammy skin.

It should’ve been you. It should’ve been you.

The words shouldn’t of bounced around in your head as much as they are, but you couldn’t help but feel they were true. You didn’t belong. They were a family, they had each other. What gave you the right to walk in and mess everything up?

Tears started trailing down your cheeks, shamefully wishing for Nat’s forgiveness, knowing you didn’t deserve it. You hoped Bucky didn’t hate you as much as he should, you don’t think you could live knowing he didn’t like you. You weren’t sure there would be a chance to win Steve’s trust back, you hoped he’d forgive you eventually.

The compound had started feeling like home, with the help of Nat and Bucky. But now, as you sit balled up in the corner— You’ve never felt more out of place.

~

Nat had woken up hours ago, getting through a bunch of hello’s, and appreciating everyone’s concern. Besides Bucky, there was someone who she hadn’t seen greet her yet.

“Where do you think she scurried off to?” Nat asked out loud, Bucky muting the TV and facing her.

“I don’t know. I can’t stop feeling bad for pushing her.” Bucky muttered, remembering the shock on your face after the action.

“James, you didn’t mean it. You were just in mama bear mode.” Nat teased, watching some light return to his face.

“Of course I didn’t mean it, I would never do anything like that to her on purpose… I just— you should’ve seen her face. She looked upset.” He admitted.

“It was a stressful situation, I’m sure she was upset. Just not at you. Stop being so hard on yourself, and go find her and bring her here.” Nat told him, watching him nod and smile.

“Yes ma’am.” He said teasingly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

“Now go! I want my girl!” Nat scolded playfully, making Bucky chuckle at her goofiness.

~

Bucky had searched the whole compound, not finding you anywhere. He asked around, but nobody had seen you since Bruce gave everyone the okay on Nat’s condition.

The last place he’d yet to check was your room, but you hated being holed up in your room unless it was bedtime, so it seemed out of character for you to be there.

Making his way to your room, he knocked on your door, leaning his ear to the wood, not hearing any noise from inside. No music, movie, humming— nothing. But he knew you were in there because he could hear your heartbeat.

“Doll, it’s me! Can I come in?” He spoke loudly through the door.

After hearing nothing, he started to grow worried. Turning the knob and opening the door slowly, scanning the room for you. Your bed looked a little wrinkled but otherwise untouched, and everything was turned off, the only light coming from the bathroom.

“(Y/n)? You alright? I’m coming in if you don’t say anything.” He warned, trying to keep his tone lighthearted, but he was panicking internally.

Turning towards the doorway, he walked through the frame, spotting your curled up form next to the toilet. Immediately he squatted down to you, concerned at the way you were blankly staring at the wall.

“Hey, hey! (Y/n)? What’s wrong baby— are you hurt?” He rushed out, gently grabbing your arms, twisting you slightly so he could check for wounds, worried that the doctors had missed something.

“Baby what’s going on? You’re scaring me.” Bucky whispered softly, your state making him panic.

After finding no wounds, he relaxed slightly, fully sitting on the floor, cradling your face in his hands. Hoping the metal hand grounded you, like it usually does when you are having an attack.

“(Y/n), you need to talk to me.” Bucky tried again, getting no response, just your vacant stare that felt like it was going right through him.

Keeping his metal hand on your cheek, he reached into his pocket with his free hand, pulling out his phone and dialing.

After a few rings, Steve picked up.

“Steve, I need you to send—”

Bucky couldn’t even finish his sentence, feeling your jaw clench, finding your eyes wide with guilt.

“(Y/n)?” Bucky tried, watching your eyes dart all around the room, ending up on his phone.

“No…” You mumbled, barely audible if it weren’t for the super serum.

Bucky perked up, relieved to hear you talking, but his heart was breaking at how broken you sounded.

“No what baby?” Bucky asked you softly, hanging up on Steve and placing his hand back on your cheek, cradling your face.

“It should’ve been me… It should’ve been me…” You started mumbling in a chant, eyes clenching shut, tears escaping and trailing down your cheeks.

Bucky was concerned and confused, wondering what had happened to have you in this state.

“What do you mean?”

It was a simple question, gently asked by him. But it seemed to trigger you, fully bringing you back with him, but hysterical.

“It’s my fault Nat got shot— I’m sorry Bucky, I’m so sorry please don’t hate me, please! It should’ve been me… It should’ve been…” You sobbed, throwing yourself into Bucky’s arms, knowing you didn’t deserve his comfort, but desperately needing it.

It dawned on Bucky suddenly what had you acting like this, and he didn’t think it was possible for his heart to break anymore.

“Hey, it’s okay baby. It wasn’t your fault, okay? And I don’t hate you, you’re my girl.” He whispered into your hair, softly rubbing your back, holding you tight, letting you cling to him.

“It should’ve been me…” You mumbled into his chest again.

Bucky pulled you back from his chest, cradling your face, forcing you to meet his eyes.

“I don’t wanna hear you say that. It was a mistake, and mistakes happen. But don’t you dare say that. Nat’s okay— and i’m happy that you’re okay too.” Bucky told you, tone gentle.

You sniffled and nodded your head.

“Now, you wanna tell me why you are hiding in your bathroom? You always come to Nat and I.” Bucky asked, slightly offended that his girl found more comfort on the bathroom floor than with him.

You looked down shamefully, your head getting tilted back up by Bucky.

“I tried to visit Nat but… Steve said I shouldn’t.” You admitted quietly.

Bucky’s jaw tensed, leave it to Steve to makes things worse.

“He uh…” You started but got nervous, growing silent.

“He what baby? You can tell me.” Bucky urged, wiping his thumb under your eyes, drying the skin of moisture.

“Don’t get mad at him okay?” You told him, and Bucky rolled his eyes.

He was already mad. Steve messed with his girl.

“Promise?” You asked again.

He huffed in frustration, wishing he could just go yell at Steve. But otherwise nodded to you.

“He said that Nat didn’t deserve to be hurt… That it…” You paused, swallowing through the tightness in your throat, tears returning, “He said it should’ve been me.”

“That little punk, I’m gonna—”

“You promised!” You told him.

Bucky took a deep breath in, trying to let his anger melt away. But he couldn’t relax knowing Steve had said that to you, it was far from okay. You didn’t deserve that, you were the sweetest person to exist.

“Doll, he shouldn’t of said that to you. It’s not true. He sure as hell didn’t mean it, and I’m gonna have a talk with him about why he said it— but it’s not true.” Bucky told you, watching you relax at his words.

“Still hurt to hear though.” You whispered, burying yourself into his arms again.

“I know baby, I’m sorry you had to hear something like that.” Bucky uttered into your hair.

“So is… Is Natty okay?” You meekly asked, still feeling guilty from everything that had happened.

“She asked for you.” Bucky told you, watching you lean back, gazing into his eyes with happiness.

“Really?”

“Yes baby, she’s not mad at you, She just wants to see you. She loves you.” He told you, hating the way he had to convince you. “Wanna go see her?”

You nodded eagerly, needing to see Nat. See that she was okay.

~

The door to Nat’s room opened, she turned her head, smiling lovingly when she saw you standing with Bucky.

“There she is!” Nat called out, holding her arms open.

You ran over to her, jumping into her embrace. The guilt was still lingering and you couldn’t help the tears from falling again, dampening Nat’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry Nat, I’m so glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do without you —I”

“Calm down (Y/n), I’m okay. It wasn’t your fault.” Nat cooed, running her fingers through your hair as you cried into her shoulder. “Oh baby, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

You leaned back just enough to look Nat in the eyes, relieved to have her here with you, safe. You suddenly felt a much larger body press from behind you, caged in between Nat and Bucky.

They wrapped their arms around each other, circling you with their warmth. They weren’t related to you by blood, but sometimes they felt like they were your true family. The family you had been missing.

“I love you guys.” You whispered to them.

“We love you baby.” Bucky mumbled into your hair, “You’re our girl.”

[mynameismckenziemae]

Unbroken

Part 4

(previous part here, next part here)

Bradley ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw x You

Summary: Bradley leaves but has good news shortly after. Secrets are unintentionally revealed.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI! Smut, phone sex, mutual masturbation, etc.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“So,” you sigh as you rush Bradley to the airport. “Where do we go from here?” The two of you slept longer than expected and had to hurry to get Bradley checked out of the hotel and then to the airport on time. As much as it needs to happen, you’ve been avoiding this conversation.

“Wherever you want” he teases but sighs, hesitating before he continues. “Jake told me about an instructing position that’s opening up here, well, in Kingsville. I applied and interviewed for it earlier this week…before we even met. I’ve been thinking about making a change for a while. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you because I haven’t gotten it yet and didn’t want to scare you by telling you I might be moving nearby.”

“I’m not scared,” you say without thinking, shocking yourself. “You’ve already proven that you respect my boundaries and I can’t imagine that would change if things don’t work out.”

“Never,” he promises, reaching for your hand.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

You arrive at the airport shortly after.

“Let me know when you’re home safe, okay?” You tell him, surprised that you want to cry when Bradley wraps you in his arms.

“I will,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to your hair before releasing you.

“Bye,” you say softly, watching him go.

He only makes it only a few steps before he turns around and walks back with intent.

“What-“ you start to ask in confusion but Bradley’s hands are in your hair and he’s kissing you. The hustle and bustle of the airport fades into a low hum as his lips press to yours. His heart pounds beneath your palm on his chest, and you can feel yours beating in a similar rhythm.

An announcement overhead has him pulling away reluctantly. “I better go, if I miss my flight I’ll miss work, and that doesn’t look good if I want to transfer.”

“Yeah, you better get a move on,” you agree. “Talk soon?”

“When I land,” he promises, kissing your forehead a final time.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Charlie: So did you take that mustache for a ride?

You laugh as you read Charlie’s text when you get back home. You reply after settling on the couch.

Emma: Aren’t you on your honeymoon?

Charlie: Your brother needed a break. 😒

Charlie: Kidding…we’re still an hour away from the cabin.

Emma: 🤢

Emma: And no, we didn’t do anything…he was more than willing but I panicked when he attempted it because Chet never went down on me. I actually ended up telling him everything.

Charlie: That’s not necessarily a bad thing though, right? How did he react? What did he say?

Emma: It’s not…but with the way he kissed me goodbye at the airport I wish we would’ve 🥵

Emma: He was so supportive, Char. He said he’s a patient man and I’m worth waiting for 🥹

Charlie: Damn. Told you he’s a sweetheart. Now what? Are you dating?

Emma: TBH… I’m not sure lol. He told me about applying for the job in Kingsville. We’re gonna see what happens.

Charlie: Yeah😬 I knew he applied, but I wasn’t sure if I should say something or not. It wasn’t really my news to share.

Emma: No need to be sorry, you’re right. I hope he gets it. I think I’d like having him around.

Charlie: Me too🤞🏻I’m gonna let you go. Pretty sure we’re lost.

Emma: Let me guess, Jake refused to use GPS? Mr. “I can read a map.”

Charlie: You know it 🙄

Emma: Hey, you married him 🤷🏼‍♀️

Charlie: What he lacks in directional skills, he makes up for in bed.

Emma: Gross 🤢

Charlie: Haha. Loveeeee you 😘

Emma: Love you too.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

An hour later, your phone vibrates again, this time it’s Bradley.

Bradley: Hey, just got home.

Emma: How was the flight?

Bradley: Good, I think. I slept most of it. The flight attendant did wake me up once because I guess I was snoring pretty loud. Maybe that’s why no one ever wants to bunk with me because of it.

Emma: Shouldn’t be a problem, I’m a heavy sleeper.

Bradley: Are you implying I can sleep by you again? 😏

Emma: …maybe.

Bradley: Yes! 🙌. I’ll take it.

You laugh, texting back and forth for a while but soon you’re yawning and tomorrow is an early day. You let him go and get ready for bed, falling asleep again with a smile.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

The next few days pass quickly as you’re busy at work catching up on the days you missed the previous week. But you feel like a teenager again, checking your phone any chance you get, texting back and forth in the little spare time the two of you get between your busy schedules.

You’re monitoring a laboring mare when your phone rings late morning more than halfway through the week. You swipe to connect without looking, figuring it’s either another client or the office due to the time.

“Hi, this Dr. Seresin,” you answer on autopilot.

“Hey, it’s Bradley. I got the job!” He says excitedly.

Your stomach flips like you’re on a rollercoaster.

“Oh my God, Bradley! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you,” you say, beaming. “I’m selfishly happy for me too.”

“Yeah?” He asks, hopeful.

“Yeah. I am,” you confirm. “When do you start? What’d Jake say? What did-what’s his name…Cyclone? I think…what Cyclone say?”

“Uh…I’m not sure,” he laughs. “I just got off the phone with the CO there. You’re the first person I called.”

“I’m the first person you called?” You can’t help but repeat him as your heart flutters in your chest.

“Yeah. Didn’t even think about it. Oh shit, you’re probably working. I’m sorr-“

“I’m glad you called,” you cut him off with a laugh. “It’s fine, I’m just monitoring a pregnant horse.”

“Okay…good. Wow,” he says, chuckling. “I’m moving to Texas.”

“I can’t wait,” you say honestly, heart still feeling out of control.

“Me either,” he replies. “I’ll let you go so I can go talk to Cyclone. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah, I’ll give you a call when I’m done here,” you reply, hanging up with a smile after he says goodbye.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

You send Bradley the selfie you snapped with the foal a few hours later when you get home.

Emma: This pretty girl gave her mama some trouble but they were both doing fine when I left. I’m gonna hop in the shower quick, but I’ll call you when I’m done.

You shower quickly, anxious to find out the details of Bradley’s new job.

You smile when you get out at his reply.

Bradley: She is pretty darn cute.

Bradley: But her doctor’s cuter.

You call him as you head to your room to get dressed.

“Hey,” he answers after a few rings.

“You okay?” You ask, noticing he sounds out of breath.

“Yeah,” he answers. “Why?”

“You sound out of breath,” you laugh, towel-drying your hair and accidentally knocking your phone to the floor. “Oops. I’m drying my hair and dropped my phone.”

“No, I’m good,” he replies hurriedly. “That was a fast shower.”

“Yeah, I was excited to hear more about your job. Figured I could get dressed while we talked.”

“You’re naked?” He asks hoarsely.

“I am,” you confirm, but his tone stills your hands drying your hair. “Why?”

“No reason,” he replies quickly. Too quickly.

“Bradley, were you touching yourself?” You ask, connecting the dots.

“What? No,” he lies with a nervous chuckle.

“I may be bad at telling a lie, but I am good at catching someone in one,” you respond lowly. “It’s okay, you can keep going.”

“I wasn’t-okay, I was,” he admits with a sigh before he tries to change the subject. “But I’m not anymore. I want to hear about your day.”

“And I want to hear you touch yourself,” you reply, lying back on your bed with a sigh of your own. “Maybe I’ll join you.”

“Fuck,” he groans throatily, and arousal echos between your legs. “Seriously?”

“Mhmm,” you answer huskily as your hand trails down your body. “What were you thinking about?”

“You,” he admits. “I can’t you off my mind, Em. Your shirt was sticking to you and I could see your nipples were hard in the picture you sent me. I know that’s not why you sent it and you probably didn’t even notice and I feel like a fucking pervert-“

You laugh but it turns into a moan when your fingers brush over your clit. “I wondered if you’d notice that.”

“You little minx,” he chuckles breathlessly. “I definitely noticed. Then you said you were getting in the shower, and I couldn’t help picturing you naked and what I can’t wait to do to you.”

“What do you want to do?” You ask, out of breath too.

“Everything,” he exhales, and you can hear the lewd, yet sexy sound of him jerking himself off. “Anything. I can’t wait to touch you again. I’d start by playing with your pretty nipples. Did that feel good?”

“So good,” you moan, teasing one the same way he did with the hand not between your legs.

“Wonder if I can get you off just by doing that,” he muses. “But what I want most is to get my mouth on you.”

“I…I want that too,” you admit, gasping when you finally press a finger inside. “I’ve been thinking about it every time I’ve touched myself since you left.”

“Oh God,” he rasps. “I’ve been thinking about it too. Imagining how good you’ll taste, how good I can make you feel, wondering if you’ll pull my hair or suffocate me with those strong thighs as you cum,” you can hear the smile in his voice as he pictures it. “Then I’ll do it again and again, as many times as I can get you off before you’re pushing me away.”

“Yes, yes…I want that. Please?” You whimper as you feel yourself getting close. You begin to curl your fingers into your g-spot while grinding your clit against your palm.

“‘Course honey. Can’t wait to make you feel good,” he replies. “God, I can hear how wet you are. Tell me you’re close.”

“I am,” you say. “I-I’m…sofuckingclose” you whine as you approach the edge.

“Emma, me-I’m cum-fuck!” Bradley stutters before groaning lowly. The heady sound of his release pushes you over too with a surprised gasp.

“That’s…the first time I’ve ever had an orgasm with another person,” you say softly when you come down.

“That’s so hot,” he replies.

“If it was that good over the phone, I can’t imagine how it’ll be when you’re here,” you smile, still out of breath.

He just chuckles.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

An hour later, you let him go since he’s got an earlier morning than you.

You smile as you set down your phone and look up at the ceiling.

He’s moving here in just 3 weeks.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

The next 3 weeks fly by and as much as you want to be the one to pick him up from the airport, you have to work. Jake does instead and helps him get settled into the small, navy-issued apartment-at least with what he was able to bring on the plane. The Bronco and the rest of his belongings will be delivered next week.

You text Bradley as you head out the door.

Emma: I’m on my way finally. See you soon.

Bradley: Can’t wait. We’re on the porch waiting for you.

“Emma’s on her way,” Bradley tells Jake as they watch Charlie play fetch with Cash in the yard.

“Charlie’s not drinking?” Bradley asks, sipping his beer.

Jake shakes his head, smiling at her giggle when Cash finds two more tennis balls to stuff in his mouth. “She went off her birth control before the wedding though, so there’s a chance she’s pregnant. It’s too soon to tell though.”

“Oh man, that’d be awesome. I’ll babysit,” Bradley says slapping Jake on the back. He hesitates before he asks. “Do you think it’ll be hard on Emma? Seeing Charlie pregnant?”

“I don’t think so. As far as I know, she can’t wait to be an aunt. Why?” Jake asks.

“Just wondering, 'cause you know…everything that happened with her and Chet. It wasn’t her fault, but I think she still feels a lot of guilt from losing the baby,” Bradley says, standing when he sees your truck pull in.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

“Hey,” you beam as you walk up the driveway, giving Bradley a once-over. “You look good.”

“Thanks, so do-“ Bradley starts to reply but you both startle from the sound of glass shattering.

“Ya lush. How many have you had?” You joke, bending down to pick up the broken pieces of the beer bottle Jake dropped.

“Jake? What’s wrong?” Charlie asks as she comes up behind you.

You glance up and your hands pause your cleaning efforts. He’s pale as a ghost.

“Are you okay-” you ask, but your heart stops when he interrupts.

“You were pregnant?”

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

A/N: Please don’t hate me 🫣

As always, any interaction is appreciated but I love hearing what you think in comments/reblogs!

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[eskir]

a birthday - vil x reader

it’s your day, and vil, as your lover, will seek you out and hopefully throw a birthday party for you if he can help it. he wants you to be happy, so he would’ve already asked what kind of party you’d want. would you like it to be a big one or a small one? simple or brimming to the edge with vibrant colors?

maybe a week, or half a month ago, he would’ve started planning. maybe he’s asked various questions over the years, or observed your reaction to the previous one, but either way he knows your preferences.

at the night, when it’s actually happening, he’ll be decked out in his dorm clothes. he would’ve brought the cake for you and set up the candles if you so wished. if you don’t like cake? then a tart, or whichever pastry or sweet treat you’d enjoy. contrary to the thoughts of others, he doesn’t have a diet for you. sure, he’d recommend healthier foods, but in the end he just wants you to be the best version of yourself, and that means being happy.

soft kisses as you take the first bite of the treat, most likely on your head or hands, congratulating you on your birthday. maybe he’d rub his face against yours, and from there you can see his efforts. he is sparkling, galaxy dust on his eyelids. and if you wished, he would’ve applied similar makeup on you, to make you the true star of the show. and even if he didn’t, he’d still rub your cheeks affectionately with his thumb.

to be honest, he’d also take that time to adjust your clothes, smoothing out wrinkles and giving you that smile again. and then the gathering continues.

he’ll have gifted you makeup supplies, if you use them, and skincare items. but don’t doubt for a moment that he wasn’t thinking about you when buying them. these products are selected with only you in mind and the expert eye that gil has honed over the years.

and at the end of the day, when it’s just you and him in your room, you two can cuddle and he’ll listen to all of your tales. maybe about how this was a great birthday or how it could be better, he’d still listen nevertheless. maybe you’ve never had a birthday party before that made you feel loved, or maybe it’s tales of what you wish for your future.

vil wants to be part of that future with you. but he’s content with the present, offering solace everyday. he tries to make your life beautiful, and so he’s glad that he was a part of your celebration. the small part of his heart also finds pride that he was a portion, however small, that made it enjoyable.

so you can sleep the night away with him if you want, and when dawn breaks? vil surprises you with a nutritious and delicious meal. and apart from all the usual skincare he gave to you as a gift?

he has another gift for you, held with those loving eyes and a soft grin.

and you could feel yourself practically falling back in love with him again.

[francesderwent]

I’ve been on a real Fearless kick lately and it always makes me feel some kinda way about Olivia Rodrigo’s body of work. and not even primarily about her and her talent and her songwriting, just about how different an experience it seems to be growing up as a young millennial woman versus growing up as a young gen z woman. take the total absence of any jealousy/self-image song on Taylor’s debut album or Fearless—because social media wasn’t this omnipresent perfect image factory and so the insecurity of growing up looked more like “Place In This World” or “The Outside”, fundamental experiences of questioning and longing that are deeply connected to our humanity, as opposed to “jealousy jealousy”, “pretty isn’t pretty”, or “lacy” which are founded on an obsession spiral that is literally only possible on that level because of the invention of the smartphone.

look at “Tell Me Why” or “Other Side of the Door” as opposed to “vampire” or “logical”—Taylor’s approach was a very straightforward “you acted this way and this is how it made me feel." it wasn’t until later that she started to make statements about patterns of behavior, because she simply couldn’t see them except in hindsight! she couldn’t say “this is what kind of man you are” or “this is what sort of relationship we had” until she had fully processed what happened—which is when we get songs like “Fifteen” and “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and “The Manuscript”. but because the younger generation breathes the air of pop psychology buzzwords, Olivia is diagnosing her exes and labeling her relationships right away. and you might say this is a good thing, that young women are armed with terms like “gaslighting” and taught to be suspicious of age gaps because of the power differential. but having the knowledge doesn’t seem to have protected Olivia at all. she still makes all the same mistakes, there’s literally a whole song all about knowing something is a bad idea and doing it anyway. she still dates the older guy, but then she has so many labels readymade to explain why it didn’t feel good that she doesn’t ever actually get down to saying how it felt—because I don’t think she knows. the younger generation acts like processing an experience means figuring out what tiktokified sound bite applies to it and then slapping the label on and moving forward. “my parents were emotionally abusive” “my ex was a narcissist” “my ex best friend gaslit me” etc. but it seems to me that’s skipping some necessary stages of actually processing your shit. “vampire” is Olivia trying to write “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” before she’s ever written (or felt) “Tell Me Why”. it’s the difference between “here’s to you and your temper, yes I remember what you said last night / and I know that you see what you’re doing to me, tell me why” on the one hand and “went for me and not her ‘cause girls your age know better” or “master manipulator, you’re so good at what you do” or “you convinced me it was all in my mind” on the other hand.

and another side effect of this, the big names in this younger generation of artists aren’t really writing love songs, and I don’t think that’s accidental. they literally do not have the vocabulary to do so. the psychology buzzwords that go around are all about toxic relationships and red flags. and so, deprived of a way of thinking about being in love, the love songs either fall flat (“I’ll go anywhere he goes and he says I’m so American”) or they simply don’t exist. the open-hearted sincerity of a “Hey Stephen” or “Jump Then Fall” is nowhere to be found.