#but it still applies he still had no way of knowing what would’ve happened in the end. it’s not like he knew micah was feeding shit to the

[l3tm31nn0w]

Lessons in the Dark

Chapter 3: The Maiden and the Holy Man

Professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz x fem!reader

You’re a young woman interested in the fantastical world of angels and demons and you seek out Professor Von Franz to mentor you in more ways than one.

(Slow burn, eventual smut, age gap, mentor/protege relationship, reader is in her 20s)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

It was a night like any other, you had retired to your bed long before Albin. He was leafing through a manuscript when he heard you groan. He found you doubled over into a fetal position, sweating profusely.

“Oh my dear, it’s happening isn’t it?”

You nodded, tears streaming down your face as the pain radiated from your abdomen. “Call Dr. Sievers” you managed to choke out. “He can explain how to help.”

Albin sat with you while you waited for Sievers. He had you grip his hand tightly through your pain, his other hand stroking your damp hair. While the pain was as blistering as ever, having him here to comfort you made a world of difference. Your family never bothered.

Dr. Sievers arrived and instructed the professor to apply cool rags to your head, but warm rags to your abdomen. He gave you a medicine to send you to sleep and left a surplus with Albin for the coming nights.

When you had finally fallen asleep, Albin and Dr. Sievers sat in the living room to discuss your ailment. “Sievers I know a bit more about what’s going on. I will not betray her confidence on the matter, but I need you to know that I am seeking a cure and if I find one I will be taking over where you started. No hard feelings my boy, but I cannot let her live like this.”

Sievers nodded, not fully believing Albin. He did not take your ailment for an occult mystery, simply a medical anomaly that left you suffering. There really was no cure, you’d been born that way.

“Whatever you see fit professor, after all she is your wife. These decisions are up to you now. She seemed better emotionally than she had been with her family at least, so good work.”

Albin walked Sievers out and huffed once the door closed. He disliked the comment about decisions of your wellness being left up to him. Just because you held the title of wife didn’t mean you couldn’t make your own decisions!

It was late and Albin was exhausted. He changed into night clothes and crawled into bed next to you, relieved that you were sleeping peacefully. He blew out the bedside candle and settled under the blankets. As sleep began to find him, he was jolted awake. You rolled over and laid against him, your arm over his chest and your head laying in the crook of his neck. This surprised him greatly and in any other circumstance he would’ve lightly moved you, but he couldn’t risk waking you up and starting another pain fit so in your embrace he remained.

The next morning you awoke to find the bed empty. The pain in your abdomen was still sharp, though the day time found some reprieve from your ailment.

As you attempted to get up, Albin rushed through the door with a tray in hand.

“Der Liebling don’t even think of getting out of that bed!” He shouted out. You giggled at his insistence and settled back into bed. He laid out a tray with herbal tea and bread with jam. “You need your rest my dear.”

You began to sip on the tea while you protested a bit. “Albin, how can I help you if I’m stuck in bed! I’ll be ok I promise.”

He smiled and pulled a book out, an alchemy manuscript you’d both been working through. “It’ll be a research day, I won’t deprive you of using your noggin while you’re not feeling well.”

You squeezed his hand, truly touched by his desire to help you learn AND help you feel better.

The two of you settled into a routine over the coming months. When you felt ok it was business as usual and you'd work on experiments and hunt around town for old tomes. Once the cursed time of the month arrived, Albin put you on bed rest and you researched and discussed from the comfort of your shared bedroom.

You grew very fond of him, delighted at his willingness to bring you into his life. He treated you as an equal in every sense of the word, leaving you to feel like the luckiest wife in Germany. Your platonic feelings had begun to morph into romantic ones, though you feared this would upset the idyllic life the two of you led so you kept it to yourself. You’d always found older men attractive, so finding your aged professor handsome wasn’t much of a stretch. With Albin it was beyond looks, he exuded a confidence that made him even more attractive.

He didn’t speak much to you of finding a potential treatment and you feared he would feel pressured if you asked so the subject wasn’t discussed. That changed about 7 months into your marriage when Albin found the book.

This book wasn’t any book, it was an old thing, nearly falling apart. It was written in German, but he had surmised the contents had been passed down from something far more ancient. It recounted stories of angels and man, but none that had ever made it into even apocryphal biblical texts. He knew this was the closest he’d come to finding an answer, but didn’t dare bring it to you until he had something more concrete.

More often than not you awoke to find him asleep at his desk, never coming to bed or attempting a proper rest. He would give half hearted answers about his studies and it worried you.

Finally, he found it. An answer. Hiding 300 pages into the decaying book Albin found an anecdote about a holy man who had rid a young woman of an angelic possession. He could finally tell you there was a chance.

He approached you one morning as you were sitting in the living room drinking tea and taking notes on an alchemy experiment from the previous evening.

“Der Liebling.” He greeted you and you looked up, seeing your husband nervously holding an old book.

“Good morning Albin, what’s that you have?” You asked, curious about the old book. It wasn’t one you’d seen him with before as he’d taken great care to obscure it from you so as to not get your hopes up.

He sat down next to you and placed the book on your lap. “It’s an answer my dear.”

Suddenly his late night research and withdrawn nature made sense, he had been trying to find a cure. You were genuinely speechless, moved by his great efforts to help you and nervous at what this answer could entail. You’d long feared a painful exorcism of some sort, considering that was how demons were removed it wasn’t a stretch to assume that the influence of an angel would be removed all that differently.

Albin opened the book to a dog eared page and began explaining.

“This is a book of first hand accounts of humans interacting with angels. They seem to be from all around the world dating from before Christ to the early Middle Ages. The entire thing is quite fascinating and once we get you feeling better it’s all yours to study. I found a story from a man in Greece. He was a holy man in love with a young woman, but his duty to his religion kept them apart, though they had expressed their love for one another through shared letters and prayers. Soon after his beloved began exhibiting symptoms shockingly similar to yours and she described a being attacking her similar to how you described the seraphim.”

Your eyes were wide as he told the story, suddenly feeling less lonely as you were able to connect to this ancient woman. He continued on.

“She was in so much pain she thought she was dying. Fearful that the end was near she came to her holy man and begged him to love her, every part of her, just once before she passed. He couldn’t deny her dying wish and he betrayed his faith to make love with her. Before they consummated their love he did a series of rituals and rites in an attempt to appease his God. The combination of those rites and the realization of their love in flesh saved her. He describes the light extinguishing from her and the pain never returning.”

You were so dumbfounded by the simplicity of it all you actually laughed.

“Why are you laughing!?” He asked, almost offended.

“Forgive me Albin, I’m not laughing at you or the explanation, I’m laughing at how simple it is. I simply need to have sex. That’s it.”

He furrowed his brow in frustration. “It’s not that simple Der Liebling.”

You raised your eyebrows in response. “Are the rites that difficult? You’re a master of the occult Albin, I assume we could make them work.” You had no doubt in his ability and were taken aback that he wasn’t confident.

“Of course I can manage those! The part you’re missing is the love. You can’t just go find some random man and have him fornicate with you. You have to love each other.”

Your mild chuckle from earlier gave way to a full on laughing fit at that. “Albin are you serious? The answer is obvious. It’s you! My husband!”

He gasped at this suggestion, legitimately shocked that you said it with such ease. Sure, he had developed feelings for you over the course of the months spent together, but he knew you must only view him as a teacher so he buried those feelings. How could a young beautiful thing like you be attracted to him or love him truly as a wife loves a husband.

You noticed his apprehension and brought your hand to his cheek. “My darling husband, you must be able to tell that I care for you, deeply. You care for me, you’re kind and brilliant. What’s not to love?”

He placed his hand over yours and closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of your palm against his cheek. “I do love you, my wife, but I cannot imagine you feel about me the way I feel about you when I gaze upon your beauty.”

Knowing that words could not explain your feelings, you closed the distance between the two of you and pulled your professor into a kiss. He was shocked at first and did not kiss you back. You broke the kiss and looked into his eyes, which welled with tears. You knew he had not felt a loving touch in ages, if not ever. You leaned in again and this time he kissed you back, his fingers lacing into your hair, breaking loose the intricate braids atop your head.

After a moment you parted ways again. “Do you believe me now Albin? Will you be my Holy Man?”

He cupped your face into his hands and smiled, his signature wide eccentric grin. “It would be my greatest honor.”

[bearenjoyers]

i’m sorry i’m always saying this but i feel like people truly believe dutch has some sort of superhuman foresight where he knows everything that’s gonna happen and lets it happen anyway in some move to manipulate and hurt his entire family instead of him just i don’t know. being a human who doesn’t know everything and is going to make mistakes

[notlongtolove]

between the sand and the stardust

burnt toast theory. the butterfly effect. invisible strings. it’s only human nature to try and make sense of the senseless. for all the what-ifs and could-have-beens, the alternate paths and lives you could’ve lived, this is the reality you’re in. you know—effects, theories, strings be damned—that you would’ve found each other.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (second person, no y/n)

genre: fluff

content: reader is up contemplating what life would be like if her and spencer had never met. spencer has a few reassuring things to say about it.

word count: 1.8k

note: inspired by this! spent the entire day nursing the post nye hangover and woke up in a haze to write this. god me whennnn

a line: I’d pray to every god out there, in every language I don’t speak, to find you in every universe where I haven’t found you yet.

If you came to me with a face I have not seen, with a voice I have never heard, I would still know you. Even if centuries separated us, I would still feel you. Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, through every collapse and creation, there is a pulse that echoes of you and I.

- lang leav

The world has a funny way of looking at things. A knack for folding coincidences into neat little narratives that we, its ever-curious observers, insist on unspooling. Burnt toast theory. The butterfly effect. Invisible strings. It’s only human nature, you suppose, to try and make sense of the senseless. Things happen—things that are just things—and yet, we stitch them together into stories, pull meaning from the chaos, weave threads where there might not be any at all. 

It didn’t make sense that you’d been eleven minutes late to the bus that morning, despite sprinting down the stairs with your laces undone. It didn’t make sense that Spencer’s train had broken down that day when the transit service proudly boasted a 92% on-time rate. It didn’t make sense that the last bus had rumbled away two minutes before you arrived, leaving you stranded at the stop with a dark-eyed boy and an easy smile. 

And it certainly didn’t make sense when you, who always preferred to keep your headphones in and your gaze down, had turned to him in pure desperation and said, “Do you want to split a cab?”

Now, 845 days, 21 hours, and 23 minutes later—Spencer keeps count, of course—you lie in bed, his arms wrapped around you with such love you almost can’t remember what it felt like to navigate the world without him.

You think about that morning sometimes. Would it have mattered if you’d woken up on time? If Spencer’s train hadn’t broken down? You would’ve slipped past each other like all strangers are meant to. You could have missed him entirely. The very thought makes your chest tighten.

And then there’s everything that came after. Maybe you’d still be grinding away at that dead-end job if Spencer hadn’t nudged you—no, shoved you—into applying for that writing scholarship. Maybe he wouldn’t taken some time off to go into teaching if he hadn’t seen how much it broke you when he was shot last year, your sobs echoing in the sterile hospital waiting room.

It’s terrifying to think about. How this moment, this minute, your life is just a single dot in a universe of shifting constellations. One singular version of a story that could have unfolded a million other ways.

You shift slightly, feeling the soft brush of Spencer’s breath against your neck. His arm tightens instinctively, pulling you closer, like even in sleep, he’s afraid to let you drift too far.

“What’re you thinking about, baby?” he murmurs.

“Nothing.”

“Liar,” he says softly, and you can hear the smile in his voice. He presses a kiss to your shoulder, a silent reassurance. “Tell me.” 

You shift, rolling onto your side to face him. The room is dim, illuminated only by the faint glow of the streetlight outside, but you can still make out the soft angles of his face, the curve of his lips, the shadow of his lashes against his cheek. His arm lifts briefly, giving you room to move, before settling back on your waist.

“Just...” You sigh, the words heavy as you trace invisible patterns on the blanket. ​​​​“How we met.”

“Mm,” Spencer hums thoughtfully. “Dingy bus stop. Very romantic.”

You huff a quiet laugh, shaking your head. “No, I mean... imagine if I hadn’t woken up late that morning. Or if you’d been on the train that didn’t break down. Isn’t that scary?”

He shifts slightly, propping himself up on one elbow to look at you fully. “What’s scary, baby?” he asks, his fingers drawing idle patterns on your hip.

You hesitate for a moment, then exhale. “Like… there’s a universe where we never met,” you say, your voice quieter now. “We’d be living our own lives. Separate. Strangers.” The words send a shudder through you. 

Spencer doesn’t answer right away, his gaze steady and thoughtful as he studies you. “That’d be a really sad life,” he says finally. 

You hum in agreement. “Imagine it. Nobody to sort your shelves for you. They’d be an absolute mess.”

“No one to bring you tea in bed every morning. Tragic.”

“No Mugi,” you add, your gaze flicking toward the end of the bed where the cat lies curled in a ball. The mention of his name earns a soft purr from him, a sound of sleepy approval.

“To be fair,” Spencer muses, “there probably would still be a Mugi. He’d just still be at the shelter, waiting for some mediocre parents to find him.”

“Yeah, probably parents who don’t spoil him rotten with treats every time he asks.”

Spencer chuckles, glancing toward the cat. “Let’s be honest, sweetheart. You’re the one who can’t say no to that face.” 

As if on cue, Mugi stretches languidly, front paws extending before he hops off the bed with a dramatic flick of his tail. He pads off into the other room, leaving the two of you alone in the quiet.

“See?” you sigh, your voice softer now. “Everything would be different. No tea. No Mugi. No you.” 

Spencer’s arm tightens around you, pulling you closer until your forehead brushes his. “But things aren’t different,” he says simply.

“I know, I know,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “But I... I don’t know. It’s so scary Spence. I just—”

“Any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again,” he interrupts, his voice calm and steady. “Know where that’s from sweetheart?” 

You pull back slightly. “The Iliad,” you murmur. 

“Smart girl,” he grins, the dimple in his cheek making an appearance. His hand brushes a stray strand of hair from your face. “It's true,” he agrees. “A lot of things could be different. You could’ve been on time for the bus. My train might not have broken down. We might’ve never crossed paths.” His hand moves from your hair to your face, cupping your cheek. “You could’ve married your high school boyfriend if that asshole hadn’t cheated on you.”

“God, don’t remind me,” you groan, wrinkling your nose.

“And I,” he continues, his voice softening, “could’ve stayed in Vegas, never left, never thought there was anything more for me.”

You look away as you imagine these horribly bleak and sad alternate realities. Sure, it was hell catching your first love in the locker room with another girl but with the certainty you feel for Spencer now, it’s hard to feel anything other than grateful for everything that led you here. You think back to Spencer as a child—alone, hurting, and relentlessly bullied. Your heart twinges with the thought of the pain he’d endured. 

“But I didn’t,” he says, breaking the silence. He takes your hand, his fingers threading through yours as if he understands exactly what you’re thinking. “I’m here. You’re here. And so is Mugi, who is probably tearing apart the couch as we speak.” 

A soft laugh escapes you, though it’s shaky, and you squeeze his hand. Your chest tightens with something that feels an awful lot like gratitude.

“You know,” he says after a pause, his voice softer now, “I thank god every day that my train broke down.”

You glance at him, raising an eyebrow. “You don’t even believe in god.”

“I don’t,” he admits with a small smile, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand. “But I’d pray to every god out there, in every language I don’t speak, to find you in every universe where I haven’t found you yet.”

Your heart stutters in your chest. “Spence…” you manage, though his name barely makes it past the lump in your throat. 

“I mean it,” he says again. “I pray that every version of me deserves to know you in every possible world. To have this. I’d find you, no matter how many lives it took. Because finding you was the hard part. But loving you? That’s second nature.”

Your chest aches. It’s a wonderful kind of pain, as if your heart is trying to expand but can’t quite manage it—too happy, too loved.

“I think I’d find you too,” you say softly, the words tumbling out.

“Think?” Spencer repeats, mock affront in his tone. “I pour my heart out, and all I get is a think?”

You giggle as you halfheartedly swat at his chest. “You know what I mean.”

His hand catches yours, holding it over his heart, his fingers warm against yours. Before you can say more, he leans in, pressing a kiss to your lips—deep and unhurried. It lingers, pulling you closer, tinged with love and longing. 

When you finally pull apart, your forehead resting against his, you breathe out, “I love you.”

A soft smile spreads across his face, and he whispers, “I love you too, sweet girl.”

You close your eyes, letting the moment wash over you. “I think what we have… this… it’s more than fate, y’know?”

“Destiny?”

You shake your head, a small smile on your face.

“Oh, I’ve got it. Prophecy,” he teases.

You laugh, light and easy. “No, not that either.”

He quirks an eyebrow, waiting for your explanation.

“It’s like… it’s inevitable,” you say finally, searching for the right words. “You and me. No matter what. No matter where or when. It’s just… always supposed to happen. Even if fate didn’t allow it, even if destiny didn’t write it. I’d find you. I know I would.”

Spencer’s gaze softens. He cups your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing against your cheeks as he looks at you like you’re the only thing in the universe—To Spencer, you might as well be. It’s a gaze so tender it makes your chest ache all over again. 

“You’re everything,” he murmurs, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. 

“Technically, you have me to thank,” you say playfully. “I asked to share a cab.”

“And how’d you know I wouldn’t have just asked for your number?”

You catch each other's gaze for a moment and burst into laughter.

“Okay, fine,” Spencer concedes with a small smile. “I probably would’ve been a mess trying, but for the record, I really did want to ask.”

“Oh I’m sure, honey,” you tease, shifting closer to him.

“Let’s stop worrying about alternate realities and come back to this one yeah? It’s pretty damn good.”

You know Spencer’s right. For all the what-ifs and could-have-beens, the alternate paths and lives you could’ve lived, this is the reality you’re in. The one where he’s here, and so are you. You know, without a doubt now—effects, theories, strings be damned—that you would’ve found each other. 

It’s a certainty that transcends time and space, a quiet knowing that runs deep in your bones. No matter the paths you might have walked, no matter the lives you could have lived, it doesn’t matter. You share a love that demands to be seen and to be heard—An undeniable, inevitable reality. The best kind of love. 

It’s a love that insists on its own existence. 

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ hi if you're here! thank you for reading! feel free to like or reblog or comment or reply!

ᯓ★ song recs if you feel like it: invisible string by taylor swift (bc how could i not) margaret by lana del rey feat bleachers

[mochatsin]

WHEN MC COMES HOME INJURED

There are a lot of issues that you can come across as a human in Devildom and sometimes, the brothers aren’t really prepared for the worst case scenarios. One day they find you at home injured from other demons, how will they respond to this?

TW: Implied Bullying, Violence, Torture, Injury

sometimes I wonder if MC is a bit desensitized to violence (but not to a level where they’re no longer bothered by it). Think about it, the brothers have war-level fights all the time in the house. Plus MC lives in a realm full of devils.

------------

Lucifer  

His patience has never been so tested, all he can think about right now is going straight home. He heard that there was a  commotion that happened in one of your classes, so everyone was excused to leave early.

He never heard any of the details, and he would’ve asked the teachers or anyone in your class but it was better to hear from you instead. The wellbeing of the exchange student is his responsibility after all.

Lucifer was about to knock on your door but he heard a sniffle coming from your room which made him start panicking. “MC? Pardon me, but I’m coming over.” 

He found you by the bed, clutching your arm that’s poorly bandaged. Seeing the tears in your eyes broke his heart as he ran to your side. 

You told him that things got bad during your potions class. You don’t know how it went wrong when you followed the instructions correctly, but the cauldron exploded and gave you a bad burn. The teacher even scolded you in front of the class despite being in pain, making you an example of a foolish student before dismissing everyone.

Lucifer knows you’re not one to make clumsy mistakes like this, yet he keeps quiet to himself about that. His focus for now is to treat your wounds properly. But boy, he could feel his blood boil through his veins. How dare they make a fool out of you?! 

He promised to find something human-friendly for your skin as he applied a spell to numb the pain before going back to RAD. 

On his way, he overheard two students snickering to each other. Lucifer recognized them from your class. 

“Who knew adding fire newt tongues would’ve made it that explosive?” “You should’ve seen the look on their face when the teacher got mad. I knew the teacher hated them but it was hilarious when they looked like they were gonna cry!”

Lucifer had this sinister smile on his face as he walked up to the students. “Meet me in my office. We need to have a little talk.” 

It takes him an hour before he can come back to you with a healing salve. Gently applying it to your skin, you were astonished at how it was instantly restored!

Before you can comment about your amazement, Lucifer brings you in for a tight hug. “I’m so sorry… I’ll make sure you won’t get hurt like this again. I promise.” He tries to act calm but with how his hands held you so firmly, you can feel that he really was worried.

You could say that Lucifer keeps to his word when you find the demons, even your teacher, hung up by their legs in the potions classroom. They were beaten beyond recognition, you can’t even tell if they were still alive because the brothers lured you away from the scene before you could inspect them further. 

The whole school got the message, to never mess with the Morningstar’s human. The punishments are beyond what they could imagine, it’s not worth the few moments of satisfaction from making you cry.

Those people were dragged away by Barbatos to the castle’s dungeon, never to be seen again. Diavolo had to make arrangements for a replacement, and Lucifer ensured that you have at least one brother for every class to watch over you. 

He was strict and a bit more overprotective to you than usual, so it took a lot of time for you to reassure him that you’ll be fine.

Mammon 

To lesser demons, it’s a wonder how his denial with his problematic gambling and theft still made him think that he’s amazing and great. 

The stacks of reports about Mammon in the student council room can break records. He would ask Grimm that he would refuse to pay back, steal things he considers valuable, and his money-making schemes have caused lots of problems for other students. 

Despite the punishments from Lucifer, some demons think that it’s not enough. They want to hit him where it hurts. 

Mammon has been waiting for you, spamming your D.D.D. with several messages. You both planned to spend the night watching a movie together once you get home, but you’ve been running late and he’s getting impatient. 

When he hears the main door open, he rushes with the intention of complaining about what took you so long, until he finds you limping your way inside. 

“HEY MC I– huh… MC? What’s up with you? HEY!” As soon as he realizes that there’s more injuries on you, he instantly carries you to the bathroom and treats your wounds as best as he can.

He doesn’t speak, but he can’t hide the trembling of his fingers when he applies gauze pads and disinfectants on your wounds. 

You tried to explain what happened to him to the best of your abilities. You were cornered by some demons you didn’t even know on your way back home and they picked a fight. When you described what they looked like, Mammon instantly knew who they were.

“How about you rest first in the room while I go handle something yeah? Maybe report this to Lucifer” He lied of course. As if he’s going to waste a single second not hunting down these bastards. He lets one of his brothers tend to your wounds, he has other matters to attend to.

Mammon would send those demons a message, saying that he’s ready to repay them if they meet up. He was ready to give them back 10 times the pain they gave you. Break their legs for making you limp, even. 

You wake up in your bed to find him asleep next to you, holding your body close. The small tear stains on his cheeks made you pout and… well, you don’t tell him about the red stains left on his hands.

He walks you back to your classroom only for you to find it trashed. Broken chairs and desks, holes in the black board and the walls, and the demons from yesterday looking so bruised and wounded that they could barely shrink back in fear when they saw you and Mammon together. 

Lucifer would’ve punished Mammon for wrecking school property until you explained to him what happened. Given the nature of these circumstances, he didn’t tie up his brother from the roof like usual, but made him clean up the classroom he trashed.

Even with his goofiness around you, that incident was a reminder for the school that he’s still the second most powerful brother and the wisest thing is to never touch Greed’s treasure. 

Levi

Levi noticed that you haven’t been yourself lately when you come home. You’re always too tired to watch his shows and when you do, he finds one thing odd. 

When the anime he was watching showed a scene about bullying, you would flinch or turn away. You were never like this before and now Levi is suspicious. What has been happening in RAD when he’s not there?

Lucifer called him in to catch up on his classes since he’s been slacking off due to his games. He stayed a bit behind and when he finally finished, all he could think of was finally getting his hands back to his controller but then he stopped when he saw you in one of the empty classrooms. 

You were being cornered by a large demon, probably the size of Beel, who taunted you. About how you’re nothing but a weakling without the brothers, and calling them here would just prove his point. 

He was raising his fists to land another blow so you used your arms to protect yourself, but it never came. Instead, you find Levi kneeling down next to you with a sad look on his face.

He was in his full demon form, his tail holding onto the demon’s fist and won’t let go. “MC… why didn’t you tell me? Or at least any of us?” He seemed hurt because he didn’t know you’ve been in so much pain, especially when he saw the bruises on your skin as he tugged your sleeves down. 

He wrapped his jacket around you and wiped away your tears, trying to calm you down. Though it’s hard when Levi’s tail now has a death grip on the wrist of the demon who’s now screaming in pain and begging to be let go. 

“Shut up!” He hissed, his fangs bared out when he turned to the larger demon. 

Levi snaps his fingers and the demon disappears. The demon finds himself in the depths of the deep sea, struggling to breathe and swim up. He was spared from the agonizing suffocation by the sharp teeth of Lotan who swallowed him. 

He shifts back to his regular form and waits until you’re okay to be held. He tries to be gentle with you given the amount of bruises you’ve gotten. Since he’s not good at magic, maybe one of the angels can do something about this.

He doesn’t leave your side while Simeon tends to your bruises, all while he calls Lucifer to inform him of what happened.

“You’re my player two, we’re supposed to help each other out you know? That’s how the game works. S-so rely on me more MC!”��

He didn’t want to let you watch some anime that has bullying in the story, out of fear that it might remind you of what happened. The last thing he wants is to accidentally make you upset. 

Levi started attending school more, waiting for you outside your classroom every dismissal. You’d spot him gaming on his phone and if you’d ask why won’t he go straight back to the house, he’d just stutter way beyond comprehension. 

His cute flustered look as he struggles with the slightest physical contact, no one would guess that he’s the reason for the disappearance of the biggest bully in your class. It’s all game over when you mess with the Grand Admiral after all.

Satan 

Despite being just a new exchange student in a realm with little to no knowledge, you still somehow make it through the academic year and even get better marks than half of the demon brothers who lived for centuries. 

Some demons in class find it infuriating to see a lowly human do better. ‘Maybe they’ve just cheated.’ ‘Perhaps they use spells to see the answers’ ‘the wizard knows some sorcery, maybe this one does too’ ‘how wicked.’

Those were rumors you hear when you enter a classroom before a lecture. You try to not let it bother you because they’re not true. It’s from the combined effort of your hard work and the brother’s teaching you from scratch. 

Satan has been waiting for you in the house since you told him that your lesson from today was a bit difficult to understand, so you both set up a small study session for when you get home. But it’s been about an hour ever since your last message. 

No amount of reading has calmed his nerves since you’re not one to be late for no reason. It’s been raining really hard so he thought that maybe you’re stuck in this weather, but the lack of messages is still concerning. 

When he heard the door open, he closed his book with the intent of questioning why you were late, but he saw how soaked you were from head to toe. 

He grabs your arm to help clean you up, but you hissed and yanked it away. He looked at you confusingly before he noticed the puddle of rain water was mixed with something�� red. 

Without haste, he sits you down in the living room and rushes to get the first aid kit. He’s thankful for learning about first aid, but never did he think that he would have to use it on you like this. 

He focused first on calming you down, placing soft kisses on your head every time you’d whimper. It worried him a lot, but he didn’t want to ask you about your tears until he’s sure you’re okay. 

It took half an hour, and a whole lot of pain relievers until you’re okay. Satan went to grab your things left at the door, only to see a lot of your books and homework torn to bits. Connecting two and two together, he knew what happened. 

When you slept, there was only one thing racing in his thoughts. To hunt. He’s heard of the rumors about you, and he’s had enough of staying passive about it. 

He practically interrogates every student he comes across until he gets his answers. When he finally has a name, he would turn each stone in the realm until he finds them. 

The moment he does, the demons are facing the most agonizing cat and mouse chase of their lives. Satan would follow suit behind their tails, and each time they ran across him they would shed more blood and tears. 

He would’ve killed them on the spot with one snap of a finger, but that’s too easy. He wanted them to feel the fear, let it consume their soul until they go insane and give up. Only then did he grant them the release from this torture by burning them in green fire that not even the storm can put out, until there’s only ash. 

He comes home, covered in blood and ash. He smiles as he places a kiss on your head when he finds you still asleep. After that, Satan offered to help you get some spare books and do something about your ruined homework. 

He became much more aggressive afterwards, no longer tolerating any ill intent directed towards you. Mutter something under your breath, he’ll make sure it’s your last. That’s how they’ll pay the price. 

Asmo

Asmo has so many admirers that are not limited to adoring fans online, but even famous celebrities that had the luck of working with him in magazine gigs and product commercials.

To him it doesn’t matter what kind of attention he gets, whether it's healthy or parasocial, he’ll bask in all of it as long as he’s the object of their affections. 

He wouldn’t normally care when his brothers would get crowded with his fans who wanted them to deliver their love letters and gifts, despite all of his brother’s complaints or protests. However, you’re the exception. 

Asmo doesn’t really hide how he feels about you. He would post your pictures with him on Devilgram or brag about you online. It did harbor some jealousy, but there are some that dealt with this worse than others. 

‘It’s unbearable to see him with such a lowly human!’ a demoness thought as she found a new post from asmo’s page with you in the background. Her nails could crack through her phone at the sheer rage and she plans to do something about these feelings.

Asmo has been calling you nonstop since you two were supposed to meet up at the house to go to a salon together, after your shift ends of course. However, you’re running late and the salon would close in half an hour. 

He was by his room when he heard your door open and closed. Asmo had the full intent to be extra whiny about your tardiness when he went to your room and opened the door. 

He was in the middle of complaining but trailed off when he saw you clenching your cheek and turned away quickly from his gaze. You were trying to make him leave, saying that you’ll change first, but he’s not buying it. “Let me see, please?” 

He moved your hands away from your face and gasped at the claw marks that ran across your cheeks. It hurts him to see that you try to hide the face he finds so adoring, so pretty. And he wants to find out who dared to ruin it.

He sits you on his lap while he applies any sort of healing skin that can restore it. He’s not going to allow a single scar caused by some low blood demon to rest on your face. He looks at you with a pout on his lips as he asks “... who was it?” 

You can’t help it, so you explain that the demoness that was also in the magazine cover with him the other week, stopped by your work and slapped you across the cheek. About how a human should not have her place next to the Avatar of Lust. 

For a quick second, he was wrath and you felt it. But he gave you a smile and held you close “you know that’s not true right darling?” and whispered sweet words to you.

Asmo spent the next few hours asking Levi and Solomon for help. The demoness instantly lost thousands of followers online, each and every scandal anonymously  exposed for the whole realm to see. He was hell bent on ruining her life with all the power he has as an influencer and a demon.

You never see the demoness again, you just know that she lost every connection and supporters she had overnight. If you ask Asmo about it, he’ll just shrug and smile “It’s just how it works honey. But don’t worry about that thing, why don’t we go to the spa like we should’ve done a few days ago? I booked a new appointment for us” 

Only Asmo, and maybe Solomon, knows the truth. So if you see a pink toad at the side of the road, pay no attention to it. 

Beel

Beel has been regarded as the star athlete when it comes to Fangol. Other than his towering height and unbelievable strength, it’s a product of all his hard work and training. He’s been doing more every time you promised to watch his games. 

He treats you like your lucky charm, and every time you’re there he would always do so well in his games. The other team doesn’t like that, they’re tired of the constant loss. Maybe if they do something about Beel’s lucky charm, he would be demotivated to play.

They’re demons after all, so cheating is not exempted in their nature. They’re willing to do what it takes to get Beel down to his knees, even if it means they’ll get their hands dirty.

There’s two days before the big game and Beel wanted to get a family-sized snack as usual from the fridge to calm his nerves. That’s when he found you rummaging through the freezer. 

Maybe you were trying to get some hellfire ice cream, so he thought. Until he saw that you pressed an ice pack against your head. “MC? Are you okay?” He walks in to check on you. 

He gasped when he saw that you looked a bit roughed up. There’s a bruise slowly forming on the corner of your lip, and some dried blood from the side of your temple. 

He knows that this was no accident when he found more bruises by your arm. Since he got a bunch of those during Fangol, he knows how to treat them. You’re no player though. After putting two and two together? He’s starting to get an idea what might’ve happened.

You did eventually open up about why you were hurt. You were going home and felt someone throw a Fangol ball to your head. You recognized that they were from the opposing team of the upcoming match and they continued to use you as target practice as you ran all the way back to the house. 

Beel was holding onto a bowl of cold water with a damp towel to treat you and as soon as you finished your story, the bowl was nothing but shards on his palm. 

His deathly aura must’ve alerted the whole house, especially Belphie who suddenly woke up from a nap as he came running towards the kitchen only to find his twin already in demon form. 

You’ve never seen him this angry that was outside food (or Belphie) and you tried to calm Beel down, but he left you in Belphie’s care while he walked out of the house. There was no way he was going to let this pass, not when you’ve already gotten hurt.

It doesn’t take Beel a long while to find the opposing team, especially when they always wear those ridiculous jersey jackets. Despite their large sizes that almost compare to him, they’re nothing but flies to Beelzebub himself. 

“Heard you had a bit of target practice earlier… I wanted to go easy on you, so if you drop out of the game and never show yourself again I'll spare you.” 

One of them scoffed and tried to throw a punch at his face. Let’s just say… never aim so close to his jaw. That player was no longer capable of holding a Fangol ball anymore, and the whole team got the message. 

You received a notification online that the upcoming Fangol game has been canceled, as the team captain is suddenly incapable of playing anymore. 

Beel comes home with a smile on his face while he has takeout of your favorite food. Mammon would comment about how it’s a miracle that he didn’t eat it on the way home, and all Beel said “It’s okay, I already grabbed a bite somewhere else.”

Belphie 

If demons would cower under the sights of Lucifer, the exact opposite can be said about the youngest. Not everyone can find the demon who does nothing but sleep to be intimidating, despite his status and power. 

Belphie doesn’t really care about trivial things about that. As if the demon who was willing to go against the royal prince himself was actually going to get bothered by mere rumors, even though it was all true.

He wouldn’t mind being called ‘a heavy weight’ when it comes to doing work, since he’d rather exert the least amount of effort if that’s what it takes for him to sleep faster. Sometimes he would forget important meetings because of his 8-hour naps. 

Today was one of those days where Belphie overslept while you were waiting for him in the library to do work together. He woke up and realized that he was almost an hour late so he was rushing towards the door but surprisingly bumped into you. 

“MC! I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to make you wait so long…” He was a bit panicked because you looked upset, though you told him that you’re fine and tried to walk back to your room. 

He grabs your arm and you wince, pulling it away from him. He looks at you confusingly, before he notices a slight cut on your cheek and how your clothes look a bit dirtier than usual. So he gets worried and asks what happened to you. 

You explained that while waiting in the library, you overheard some demons talking so badly about Belphie and calling him names. You confronted them, trying to defend his name, and the demons gave you a certain lesson for trying to sermon them. 

Belphie whines and pulls you in for a hug, trying to provide any sort of comfort he can give. “You didn’t have to do that for me MC… but thank you. Go get some rest, you deserve it more than I do.” 

His touch with you is so gentle when he makes little circles on your back as he hugs you. He lets you rest on his chest, feeling calm and safe in his arms. But Belphie was far from that. 

He could feel himself close to popping a vein, the only thing stopping him from shifting into his demon form was because he was holding you. When he puts you down on your bed as you sleep, he stares at you for a while before whispering “... I’ll repay you for your kindness, MC” 

The demons were laughing as they left the library, talking about the human they just picked on earlier. Too busy in their own merry to notice the pair of eyes that’s been following them.

Such carelessness would be their demise when they ended up getting thrown down the alley by the very demon they’ve been speaking ill of. Belphie stares down at them with no mercy in his eyes, despite the blood and screams. Unlike his twin, he was not as merciful. 

“I can tolerate the nasty things about me… but if you hurt my MC, then you deserve eternal sleep.” 

He comes home and immediately after dealing with the trash and starts walking back to your room. He’s glad to see that one of the brothers must’ve healed your wounds since your skin has been restored. 

‘... if they really see the best in me, maybe I should put in more effort.’ he thought to himself, hugging you close as he drifts off to sleep. You wake up only to find that, surprisingly, Belphie has done all the work for the both of you.

[andvys]

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 19

Warnings: slight angst, mentions of drugs, alcohol consumption, reader getting high, spin the bottle.... don't hate me,

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader, Eddie Munson x fem!reader, Robin Buckley x Chrissy Cunningham

Summary: The last high school party ends in a way you never thought it would

Word count: 8k+

A/N: @hellfire--cult Roe, you are such a big help, thank you so so much for always helping me with ideas and dialogues, ilysm

series masterlist

-

The dreamy look in Chrissy’s eyes isn’t very hard to miss, it’s been there for weeks now. The smile that lingers on her soft features matches the lovestruck eyes. Lost in her thoughts, she completely dismisses the things you and Heather are talking about. You don’t take it to heart.

It took you a moment but once you noticed how her eyes light up and how her cheeks flush a deeper color every time Robin comes around, you realized what was happening to your sweet friend. 

And by the look on Robin’s face every time she sees Chrissy, you know that she is feeling just the same. 

Chrissy giggles more than usual whenever the taller girl speaks – she could say anything to her and Chrissy would smile and look up at her dreamily with her cute red cheeks. She probably doesn’t even notice how flustered Robin gets or how she stutters over certain words sometimes. 

You are happy about Chrissy’s newfound feelings for her, knowing that Robin reciprocates them. She doesn’t have to hurt anymore. 

“Are you gonna wear that to the party?” Heather asks, eying the dress on your frame. 

You stop applying mascara and pull back to look at her reflection through the large mirror on Chrissy’s pink wall. 

“Yeah, why?” You ask, looking down at yourself – self consciously. 

She shrugs, closing the magazine she was previously reading, she throws it on Chrissy’s bed. 

“It’s a shame that Munson isn’t coming tonight, I know he would’ve loved you in that dress,” she says, winking. 

Chrissy stops brushing her hair and turns her head to look at you. 

The look on Heather’s face is smug, she is twirling her curls with her finger, wiggling her brows at you. 

It is a shame that he isn’t coming but tonight is his last campaign before he gives up his beloved Dungeon Master position to someone else, Gareth probably. High school is over and Hellfire club will no longer be a part of his life – he will still play but it won’t ever be the same again. 

You are no longer Cheer Captain and Eddie is no longer the Dungeon master. 

There is something sad about having to say goodbye to your High School days but there is also something exciting about stepping into the unknown and getting out into the world. 

You and Eddie celebrated by having lunch with your mom and his uncle after the graduation ceremony. It was nice, you had fun but a part of you couldn’t rest, knowing that Steve’s parents couldn’t make it to see him graduating. 

You haven’t seen much of him either, you saw him in the crowd and on stage when he got his diploma but that’s all, you couldn’t find him anywhere else afterwards. You couldn’t congratulate him. 

A part of you hopes that he will be at the party tonight, though you doubt that he will come. 

You don’t feel your cheeks warming up, nor do you notice the look in your own eyes. You shift uncomfortably, breaking eye contact, you lean closer to the mirror again. You place the mascara bottle back in your little bag and reach for the powdered blush. 

“Oh honey, you don’t need any more of that,” Chrissy says, giggling as she touches your hot cheek. 

You roll your eyes and shake your head at them, “you are both insufferable,” you mumble, “it’s a normal dress, he wouldn’t think anything of it.”

Heather giggles behind you, “oh my sweet y/n,” she sighs as she kneels down behind you, carefully wrapping her arms around you, she leans her chin on your shoulder, “you are so oblivious.” 

You wonder what she would think if she found out that Nancy would agree with her words. 

“And so blind,” Chrissy adds. 

“Maybe our girl needs a pair of cute glasses,” Heather says, running her fingers through your hair. 

“I don’t need glasses!”

“Sure, you don’t.”

“Heather,” you mumble, raising your brows at her, “how about we talk about you and pizza guy.” 

“Pizza and weed guy,” Chrissy corrects you with a smile. 

Unlike you, Heather doesn’t blush or get flustered. She smiles and shrugs, “what about us?”

You and Chrissy face each other with surprised looks on your faces. 

For weeks, you have been speculating about Heather and Argyle, wondering if the two of them are a thing or not. Heather had been secretive about the meetups. At first, you both thought that she continued seeing Billy but then you saw him making out with a girl from the cheer squad. 

Apparently Heather and Billy have never been a ‘thing’ in the first place. It was a ‘no strings’ kind of thing until one of them got sick of the other – which, you could easily suspect Billy to be the one who got sick but it was the other way around. 

Heather had stood him up for Argyle. Billy didn’t give much of a reaction to it but unfortunately, he set his eyes back on you – much to your dismay. 

“There is an ‘us’?” You ask in surprise. 

Heather smiles brighter, she bites her lip and leans back, “maybe,” she grins, “I mean he just asked me to be his girlfriend the other day,” she says casually as she looks down at her nails. 

You and Chrissy gasp at her words, you both turn around to face her and squeal in excitement as you both throw your arms around her, catching her off guard. She falls down against the carpet and you both join her, giggling. 

“Oh my god!” Heather laughs.

“Heather has a boyfriend!” Chrissy says in a sing-song voice. 

“We gotta celebrate it,” you say, squeezing your friend tightly. 

“Oh we’re going to,” Chrissy smirks at you. 

“I guess we’re getting drunk tonight.”

You would be lying if you said that you aren’t feeling the slightest bit nervous. You haven’t had any alcohol since the night you went on a date with Ray and that night ended badly. 

By the time you actually make it to the big graduation party at Tina’s place, it’s already in full swing. The music is picked and chosen by her best friend Faithe – who strictly listens to 80’s pop music; Duran Duran, Wham!, Madonna – especially Madonna. 

Your friends scatter away from you the moment they lay their eyes on Robin and Argyle – Argyle who scoops Heather up in his arms and kisses her in front of everyone to see. You can’t help but laugh. 

Robin and Chrissy disappear in the crowd, giggling and leaning closer to each other, both sporting deep blushes on their faces. Cute. 

Now that you’re alone, you can’t help but wish that you didn’t come. You wish Eddie was here. You are not mad at them for leaving you behind – they’re in love and in their own little worlds. You don’t blame them. 

Though you can’t help but feel out of place and awkward standing here in the doorway, all by yourself. 

Is that how your friends always felt when you would leave them just to be with Steve?

With a sigh, you walk further into the house, pushing through the crowds until you make it to the kitchen. You feel relieved to see that it isn’t as crowded as the living room or even the hallway. 

The kitchen counter is littered with various drinks and snacks, greasy junk food that will surely look more appealing to you when you’re drunk. You grab yourself one of the red solo cups. Just as you’re about to pour yourself some punch, you get interrupted by a hand closing in around your wrist. 

“Don’t drink that shit.” 

You look over your shoulder, only to roll your eyes in annoyance when you notice the smirk on his face and the gross look in his eyes. 

“Fuck off, Hargrove,” you mumble as you push your hand off your wrist. 

“Let me make you a real drink, baby.” 

Once again, you have to roll your eyes at him. You place the cup down and turn around to face him, “what and spike it with drugs?” 

He raises his brows, lifting his hand up, he places it on his chest – of course, he wears the shirt unbuttoned, well almost. 

“What do you think of me?” 

“You don’t wanna know,” you murmur under your breath. 

His blue eyes glisten with something, the smirk of amusement never falls. He takes a step closer – at least, he smells good. 

“You look like you can use a drink, let me make you one. It’s better than the shit you were about to drink,” he says as he reaches for the bottle of whiskey behind you, purposely leaning closer until his chest is almost pressed against yours and you can feel his minty breath on your skin. He glances down at your lips. 

“Billy.”

“Yes, sweet thing?” 

You put your hand on his chest and push him away, “you’re not slick, stop trying to get in my pants.”

He chuckles and leans back again, he unscrews the cap of the glass bottle. 

“Tell me,” he reaches for the red up and pours in some of the whiskey, “don’t you want to have a good time?” 

“Uh, I am having a good time,” you lie. 

He chuckles again and places the bottle back on the table before he reaches for another. He gives you a doubtful look, “you don’t look like you’re having fun.” 

“I just got here.”

“And you already look like you wanna get out.”

You clench your jaw and look away, not saying anything. 

“Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Eddie is not my boyfriend,” you mumble, narrowing your eyes at him. 

Eyes smug and lips curled into a smirk, he shakes his head, “how’d you know who I was talking about?” 

Crossing your arms over your chest, you huff. 

“Is he not here tonight?” He asks as he holds out the cup to you.

You look down at the mixed drink, hesitating before you give in and take it from his hand. 

“No,” you shake your head and lift the cup up to your lips, ignoring the way he looks at you as you take the first sip. The strong and bitter taste trickles down your throat, you can’t help but squint your eyes, “wow, that’s strong,” you say before taking another sip.

Billy groans, “shit, and here I thought I could make him jealous enough to finally confess his feelings for you.”

You swallow the drink just in time before you start choking. 

You have been good at avoiding that topic after your conversation with Nancy. 

“Are you okay?” He chuckles, stepping closer to pat your back gently, “do you need me to make you feel better?” 

“Billy!” You groan as you push his hand off. 

“It’s so hot when you say my name–”

“Leave her alone, Hargrove.”

Steve.

His voice sends shivers down your spine but it also fills you with relief. 

Billy is not a threat, at least not to you. He might get on your last nerve but he is not Ray. Still, you are always annoyed by his presence. 

Billy’s eyes light up like the ones of a kid on christmas morning. His smirk widens and he turns around. 

Eddie may not be here but Steve is. Steve who wants you just as much as Eddie does. Steve who got jealous at every small interaction you had with Billy – Steve who still gets jealous. 

Steve glares at Billy, with his hands on his hips, he waits for the latter to step away from you. 

They look at each other and you are surprised to see Billy so relaxed, the sight of Steve usually makes him angry. Tonight, he seems to be in a different mood though. The scowl is replaced by a smirk. 

He looks back at you before he steps away, “if you wanna have a good time, you know where to find me,” he winks. 

“No thanks,” you scrunch your face up in disgust. 

He chuckles and finally walks away, passing by Steve only to halt beside him. Billy stares him down, another chuckle of amusement falls from his lips. He slaps Steve’s shoulder, “lighten up, Harrington. Maybe you’ll get lucky tonight.” 

Steve shrugs his hand off, he clenches his jaw and glares at the blond. 

Billy shakes his head, “you sure need to blow off some steam,” he smirks, raising his brows, he gestures to you, “she needs it too – although, I’m sure Munson helps her with that,” he whispers with a smug look on his face. 

“Fuck off,” Steve grumbles, though he can’t stop himself from feeling jealous. 

Surprisingly, Billy drops it and walks away. Though, both you and Steve know that this isn’t the last you will see of Billy tonight. 

Steve rolls his eyes and huffs in annoyance before he makes his way over to you. 

Still with the drink in your hand, you stand in the same spot as before. Staring at him, unknowingly making him nervous. 

“Hey,” he smiles. 

He takes in the sight of you in your little black dress, your hair is falling softly over your shoulders, the front pieces are secured with glittery clips, your lips are a soft pink, shiny with gloss. Your manicured fingers are wrapped around the red solo cup. 

You look beautiful. He wants to say, but he’s not sure if that’s something you want to hear from him again. 

“Hi,” you smile up at him. 

“Did your friends ditch you?” 

“Yes, actually,” you chuckle, “Chrissy is hanging out with her… new best friend Robin and Heather is with Argyle.” 

“Oh, the new guy with the long hair?” He asks, gesturing to the hair. 

“Yeah!” 

“Ah,” he nods. 

Steve looks better, there are no dark circles under his eyes anymore, though his eyes still hold the same sadness as before. 

You didn’t expect to see him here tonight. Him and Tommy aren’t friends anymore and now that he and Nancy are broken up, he doesn’t have her either. Steve always hated coming to parties alone so that leaves you wondering… 

“Are you here with someone?” You ask, feeling a rush of jealousy at the thought of him being on a date with some other girl.

He shakes his head. Watching the way your features soften and your shoulder slump with relief when he says ‘no’.

“You’re here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I-I didn’t want to come but it’s the last high school party,” he says, shrugging. “I didn’t want to miss it.” I didn’t want to miss you. He reaches for one of the beers on the table, though when he opens the can and takes the first sip, he scrunches his face up in disgust. He hates lukewarm beverages, especially alcoholic ones. 

“You don’t look like you’re having fun.” 

“You don’t either,” he chuckles, eying the bored expression on your face. 

“Well, getting drunk by yourself isn’t fun.”

Steve’s eyes are soft in a way they had never been before, not even when you just started dating, when things were still good, when he was still good to you. And just his eyes alone, the look in them is enough to cause a whirlwind of emotions inside of you. 

You remember your night together. The one back in december. The one that was supposed to be your last night together. The one when you said goodbye – the one that was supposed to be your last goodbye. 

There will never be a goodbye for you and Steve, not really. 

“But… we could spend some time together.” 

The look in his eyes is one of surprise. You may have been kinder to him in the past few weeks, but he still didn’t expect you to want to spend time with him.

“Y-You want to spend time with me?”

A mixture of emotions rush through him. Excitement, happiness but also nervousness. The last time you had spent a night together, it ended with you both crying. 

You look around and he just now notices the sadness in your eyes. 

The last time you went to one of Tina’s parties, he got smashed and he broke your heart. You want to replace those memories with new ones. As though it could ever kill the old ones.

“You don’t have to say yes, there’s plenty of girls who’d want to–”

“I wanna spend time with you.” 

A shy smile appears on your face when your features relax again. 

He smiles back, though he can’t help but wonder where Eddie is. 

“Eddie isn’t here tonight?” 

He watches you closely, the way your lips set into a slight pout and your brows furrow. 

“No.”

Did something happen? He wonders. Where you go, Eddie goes. It’s odd to see you without him after seeing you with him, everywhere. 

“Right so… Uh, what should we do?” 

“What do you mean?”

You give him a smirk, placing the drink back on the counter, you lift your hand up. Steve can’t help but follow your movements with his eyes, only to stare in surprise when you lift your hand and reach for something… in your bra. He just now notices how the locket rests perfectly between your boobs. 

He clears his throat and looks away with a blush on his cheeks. 

“Are we getting drunk or high?” You hold the joint in front of his eyes, giggling when his eyes widen even further. 

He grabs your hand and pulls it down, trying to hide the joint in your hand. 

“Y/n!” He yells in a whisper, looking around to see if anyone saw, but there is no one looking at the two of you, there is no one in the kitchen at all. He turns back, looking down at you with a bewildered look on his face. 

“Or both?” You giggle, “Eddie and I do both sometimes.”

He knows that it’s not only your looks that have changed in the past few months – it’s nothing drastic, it’s only different clothes, different makeup and your hair that you wear differently – maybe your perfume too. Clearly, you have changed too. You will always be a sweet girl, the one that is too kind to the world despite how harshly it treated you in the past, but he wasn’t aware that your opinion on drugs has changed.

He shouldn’t be surprised about the joint in your hand. You do hang out with Eddie, after all. Though, he didn’t expect you to be so open about this. Now, he can’t help but wonder if there are other things that you do with Eddie. 

Steve won’t ask questions that he might regret asking. Instead, he agrees to both and pushes any thought that only leaves him upset, away. He wants to have a good night. He wants to have one good last high school party with you. 

So, he takes the joint from you with the hand that is still holding the beer and with his free hand, he reaches for yours. Interlocking his fingers with yours. He feels his heart skipping a beat when you don’t pull away. 

“Let’s do both.” 

A smile tugs at your lips, you grab your drink from the counter, “let’s go outside.” 

As Steve leads you out of the kitchen, he pulls you even closer to him before you walk into the crowded hallway. Neither of you notice the eyes that have set on you. 

“Would you look at that?” Carol smirks as she turns her head to look at Tommy, who is looking down at his beer in boredom. 

He lifts his head, looking down at Carol, he raises his brows at her. 

She rolls her eyes and nudges her head in your direction. 

“Oh,” he chuckles when he sees the two of you. 

“Let’s make this party more interesting.”

-

Chrissy is drunk, not drunk on alcohol, drunk on something else. 

Robin is talking about her favorite bands, the ones she wants to see live at some point. She’s waving her hand around as she talks – rambles. Robin’s cheeks are flushed but Chrissy doesn’t know whether it’s from the heat, the alcohol or something else – she hopes that it’s from something else. 

Chrissy nods along with a smile on her face, admiring the girl in front of her. Loving the way Robin leans closer to her so she doesn’t have to scream over the loud music. She can’t unsee the small differences between them; Robin’s nails are painted black, silver rings adorn her long fingers while Chrissy’s nails are painted a baby pink color, a single golden ring is on her middle finger. Robin’s clothes are dark, Chrissy’s clothes are bright and girly. Their music taste is not the same, though Chrissy is open for changes. She loves how different they are. 

Robin’s hair is short, her curls are messy, her bangs are long and they need to be cut, Chrissy can’t help but raise her hand to brush them away from her eyes so she can see her beautiful eyes. 

Robin’s eyes widen at Chrissy’s action, the already pink blush on her cheeks takes on a red color and the blonde girl in front of her can’t help but giggle to herself when Robin stops all her rambling and starts staring at her instead, in silence. 

Neither of them know how the other actually feels, if they weren’t so scared, they’d see the obvious signs. 

They look into each other’s eyes, both trying to fight the smiles off their faces. Neither of them notice the girl that stopped in front of them with a worried look on her face.

“Hey, lover girls. Have you seen y/n?” 

Both of them tear the gazes away from one another, clearing their throats and looking awkwardly at the brunette. 

“W-What?” Chrissy asks, feeling grateful for the foundation she had put on her face earlier tonight. She can feel her hot cheeks. 

Heather looks around the room, trying to spot you in the crowds but you are nowhere to be seen. 

“I haven’t seen her since we got here.”

Robin straightens her back, a worried look takes over her face as well. She hasn’t even greeted you properly, too focused on the blonde beside her. 

“Oh,” Chrissy mumbles, getting up to look around as well, “do you think Eddie came?”

“No, he takes his campaigns very seriously,” Robin says with wide eyes, “he got mad at me for even asking if he’d come. It’s the cult of Vecna tonight – whatever that means.” 

“I’ve looked for her everywhere but–”

“She’s playing spin the bottle with Carol and the others.” 

All three of them turn around to face the girl that chimed in. Tina. 

“She’s what!?” 

Tina chuckles in amusement, she nudges her chin into the direction of the dining room. 

“Looks like she’s having fun,” is all she says before she walks off again. 

The three girls share a look of confusion before they make their way over to the other room. Trying not to bump into any of the drunken girls who are dancing carelessly.

They all expect to walk in on a very drunk you. Because, usually it takes a lot to convince you to join a game of truth or dare, never have i ever and let alone spin the bottle. You don’t like kissing strangers or risking the possibility to kiss someone you cannot stand. 

Though when they walk into the room and they see you sitting in a circle with a few people you don’t like, they can’t help but halt in their tracks and stare in confusion. 

Tommy, Carol, Billy, Nancy, Jonathan, and a few girls from the cheer squad are sitting in the circle. None of them which you can stand – well, except for Jonathan, maybe. 

And then there is Steve, who sits beside you.

You look… sober. Maybe a little intoxicated but very far from drunk or high. Although, when Robin takes a closer look at you, she notices the redness in your eyes, maybe you are a little high. 

“What the hell,” Chrissy mumbles, looking at all the people in the circle. 

Your lipstick is still intact, you probably haven’t kissed yet. 

Carol is the first to notice the three girls, a smirk appears on her smug face, “oh, why don’t you join us?” 

You turn your head, suddenly feeling flustered when you see your friends. Heather’s face says it all, ‘what the fuck?’ 

“No thanks, Carol.” 

Billy smirks at Heather, “oh come on, Heather. Don’t you want a little kiss?” 

She scrunches her face up in disgust, “no thanks, Hargrove. I’ve had enough of you.” 

Chuckles sound through the room and Tommy claps his hand on Billy’s back, “you got burned.”

Billy chuckles, “not really, I’m gonna kiss someone else tonight,” he smirks, turning to look at you. 

You don’t even know how you let yourself get roped into this. This wasn’t even supposed to be a game of spin the bottle, it was supposed to be truth or dare – though Tommy changed his decision at the last minute and managed to convince all the others as well. You didn’t want to chicken out, so you stayed and luckily, you didn’t have to kiss anyone yet. Neither did Steve. 

For the first time tonight, you feel relieved that Eddie isn’t here.

You glance at Robin and Chrissy who stare at the men in the circle – both sporting looks of disgust. You smile in amusement. They both take a seat on the loveseat, clearly not interested in joining the game. 

“Heather, come on,” Tommy smirks, eying her up and down, “it’s the last time you get to play one of these silly games. After this night, we’re all adults.”

“No thanks,” Heather snorts as she crosses her arms over her chest, “you still need to grow some, Hagan.” 

This time it’s Billy who laughs at him, he leans closer, “burned,” he chuckles. 

Nancy rolls her eyes, “I’m done playing.” 

“Oh but Nancy, the game hasn’t even started yet,” Carol smirks at her, stopping her from getting up by placing her hand on her upper arm. 

Nancy glares at the redhead and pushes her hand off. Jonathan looks tense beside her, he sits there awkwardly, looking like he wants to be anywhere but here. 

How did Carol even convince these two to join?

Tommy and Billy look like they are having the time of their lives. The cheerleaders look… bored. Carol looks smug as always. You and Steve? You are both trying not to burst into giggles. 

When Carol found the two of you in the backyard, you were laying on the grass, passing the joint back and forth and laughing about things that weren’t even funny. She got you at the right time, you and Steve would have said yes to anything in the states you were in. You were looking for amusement and now, well, now you got it. 

Sarah kisses Tommy. Tommy kisses Hailey. Carol looks pissed. 

You guess that the rumors about them are true. They are broken up. But what is new? No one has a messier on and off relationship than these two. 

Hailey, one of the girls from the cheer squad, is the one who always makes up all these rumors that the people love so much. Her bright red hair makes her skin appear even more pale, though they match with the red lips which are now smudged. She spins the bottle and finally it lands on the one who has been waiting to be kissed. 

Billy. 

You are pretty sure that Billy had a taste of the redhead before – there aren’t many girls he hasn’t been with yet. He gets around. 

You scoot a little closer to Steve and glance at him in disgust at the makeout session that is happening in front of your face. Gross. 

Steve can’t help but chuckle at the look on your face. 

“Dude,” Tommy laughs at his friend, “calm down.”

From the corner of your eye, you see Robin and Chrissy leaving. 

When Billy pulls away, he gives Hailey a pat on the cheek. She giggles at him and licks her lips as she sits back in her place. 

“This is gonna appear in my nightmare tonight,” Steve whispers to you. 

You hold your hand in front of your mouth as you laugh at his words. 

When Billy spins the bottle, your night changes for the worse. 

You watch it spin with a pounding heart, for the first time, you watch it nervously. 

Please don’t let it be me, please don’t let it be me, please don’t–

The glass bottle stops spinning and it’s pointing right at you. Oh god. No. 

The music in the other room is still playing just as loud as before, though the laughter from Tommy and Carol somehow sounds louder than Billy Joel’s voice blaring through the speakers. 

You don’t notice the way Steve tenses up beside you or the way his eyes flash with anger and jealousy.

“Fuck yes,” Billy chuckles. 

You only feel the despair in your body and the annoyance that rushes through you when you look at a smug Billy, who looks like he’s won the lottery. His eyes are filled with excitement, his lips that are now red thanks to Hailey’s lipstick curl into a smirk. 

“Come here, y/n.”

Steve clenches his fist and his jaw. The fire inside of him is burning. 

“Yeah, y/n,” Carol tilts her head as she takes in the hesitation on your face, “don’t be such a pussy.” 

Of course these words would come back to you. It’s what you said to her when she refused to kiss Lily, who already left after a few rounds. 

You roll your eyes and take a sip of your drink before you put the cup down. 

Heather, who is still around, gives you an apologetic look. God, you are glad that she doesn’t like him anymore, you would have preferred to be a ‘pussy’ than kiss some guy that your friend likes. 

You meet Billy in the middle. 

He doesn’t even hesitate to cup your cheeks with his hands. He doesn’t lean in, right away. He looks over at Steve for a split second, almost laughing at the look on his face. He turns his attention back on you. 

You really don’t want to do this. You really don’t want to kiss him. You’d honestly prefer to kiss anyone else in this room except for Billy Hargove. Anyone. You feel the eyes on you. You feel Steve’s eyes burning into your skin. You feel Carol’s eyes on you. Heather’s and even Nancy���s. 

Billy smells like cigarettes, whiskey and cologne. 

He smashes his lips against yours and kisses you. You close your eyes to make it less awkward. You begrudgingly kiss him back. He slides his hand down to your waist and pulls you closer until your chest is pressed against his. 

You want to roll your eyes at Tommy’s whistle and at Carol’s giggle but you ignore them. 

Billy kisses you roughly – it’s not as bad as the kiss you have had with Ray but you still can’t shake the fact that you are kissing him. At least, his lips are soft. They taste like strawberry – probably thanks to Hailey and her strawberry lip gloss that she always wears over her red lipstick. 

Billy’s lips move slower now but still just as deep, you feel his breath on your skin, his touch that is surprisingly soft. If you didn’t know any better, you would think that he is trying to savor every second of the kiss. 

You make the mistake of letting yourself get lost in your thoughts. Suddenly, it’s not Billy kissing you anymore, it’s another man. 

It’s his lips that you are kissing, his shoulders that you are touching, his ring that is digging into your waist, it’s him, it’s–

Billy. You are kissing Billy. You instantly pull away when the realization sinks back in, you push him away and pull back. 

Billy chuckles, he looks at you through hooded eyes and leans closer, “that made me really fucking hard,” he whispers.

You scrunch your face up in disgust and turn away from him, wanting to escape him quickly. You glance at Steve, who is looking at the ground with an angry and powerless look on his face. Shit. 

“Well, that was one hell of a kiss,” Tommy laughs, not looking at you, not looking at Billy but at Steve, he is looking at Steve and he is smirking. 

“You must feel stupid, huh Harrington?”

“Shut up, Tommy.” 

He pays you no mind, his attention is solely on Steve. And the others are staring at him as well. You can’t help but glance at Nancy, she’s looking at him with an almost pitiful look in her eyes. 

You quickly reach for the bottle, wanting to kill the awkward tension in the room. 

This night can’t get any worse. You think to yourself. 

You spin the bottle as you inwardly curse at yourself for letting Carol convince you to join this stupid game. You didn’t even want to kiss anyone, let alone Billy. You didn’t want to upset Steve. You didn’t want to think about–

“Oh!” Carol laughs loudly, clapping her hands together. 

Hailey snickers next to her, looking at you in amusement. 

“Oh damn,” Tommy snorts. 

Your heart begins to race in your chest but you don’t even know who it’s pointing at yet. You have a feeling who it is. And when you see the apologetic look in both Jonathan’s eyes and Heather’s eyes, you know. 

You blink and take a deep breath before you glance at the bottle. 

The bottle that is pointing right at him. Steve. 

The girls around you are giggling, giving you smug looks. Carol is staring at you expectedly. Bitch. 

Steve is staring at you already, suddenly, every ounce of anger has faded away. His eyes are wide, lips parted as he looks at you. 

This isn’t ideal. This shouldn’t have to happen this way. But, he would be lying if he said that it’s something he doesn’t want. Maybe, this will be the last time. Maybe, this will be the only chance he gets to feel your kiss again. 

“You don’t have to,” he whispers to you, but you are already moving closer to him. 

You won’t walk away now. It’s exactly what they want, they want to see you running away. But you won’t run away, not now, not yet.

You ignore the pounding in your chest, the butterflies that dance in your stomach when you lean closer to him. He looks at you, wide eyed. 

You don’t want it to happen this way but would you deny a kiss with him, right now? No. 

“It’s just a kiss right?” You whisper as you gaze into his hazel eyes. 

How could it ever be just a kiss? 

You are the one to move even closer to him. You are the one to cup his cheeks. 

Steve’s heart is surely about to explode. 

He hates that this has to happen like this – that it’s caused by a game. That this isn’t supposed to mean anything. 

Despite the others in the room, the loud music, the eyes on you. You both fade out everything around you. 

It’s just you and him now. 

You lean in, he leans in. 

And for the first time in a long time, your lips brush against Steve’s and that is enough to set all your insides on fire. Just a simple touch. 

You peck his lips, you only peck his lips and Steve is already in bliss. But then you smash your lips against his and suddenly, he is back in heaven. The light is shining again, the warmth is flooding back in, the sweetness of your lips is enough to mend his heart that he broke himself. 

He doesn’t hesitate for a single second to kiss you back. He cups your cheeks and pulls you as closely as he can. 

Everything around him stops existing. 

All there is, is you and him. 

He feels you, he feels your touch, your lips, your kiss.

He feels your love that is pouring back in. 

He feels you. 

You, you, you. 

Everything falls back into place again. 

Your lips are moving ever so softly with each other. Desperately but still passionately. Your lips still taste like cherry, his still taste minty. 

His heart is racing, yours is too. 

He holds you tightly but gently, he doesn’t want this moment to end, he doesn’t want to stop kissing you, he never wants to stop kissing you again. 

This is right. This is what he is meant to do. This is all he’s ever dreamed of and more. He missed this. He missed you so much. 

But the moment could never last long enough and he crashes back into reality when you pull away in need of air. Your lips part from his, your touch leaves his body and everything that is left behind is the kiss that lingers – the kiss that will linger for the rest of his life if this is the last one he gets from you. 

His lips tingle and he fights the urge to touch them.

He doesn’t want to open his eyes, he doesn’t want to crash back into a world where you aren’t his anymore.

When he does open his eyes and he sees the look on your face, the shock in your eyes, the emotions that are still there, the love. He knows, he still has a chance. 

He can still have you. 

He can still fight for you. 

He can still get you back. 

But, for now, he lets you walk away when you make up some weak excuse and rush out of the room. 

Heather doesn’t even hesitate to follow you out, calling your name and rushing after you. She passes by Argyle who is talking to a group of guys, she gives him an apologetic look. 

You push past Jason Carver, pushing him out of the way. 

“Hey!” He yells, “watch where you’re going!”

“Shut it, blondie,” Heather snaps at him. 

You grab the leather jacket that you have left on the counter earlier and finally leave the house. The fresh air calms you down in an instant, you embrace the silence and feel grateful that there is no one out on the porch, right now. 

No one except for you and Heather. 

She shuts the door behind her, she crosses her arms over her chest when the chilly wind touches her bare arms. 

“Are you okay?”

You lean against the railing and sigh. 

“Yeah. You should go back inside, Heather.”

“No.” 

She refuses to leave you alone when you’re upset. 

“I’m okay.”

“But–”

You turn back around, “I’m okay,” you repeat, trying to smile at her. 

“I promise, I just need a moment to myself after all of… this.” 

“Are you sure?”

The sincere look in her eyes makes you smile, genuinely, this time. 

You nod. 

“But if you need anything, you tell me and I’ll take you home and we can have a girls night with Chrissy. Robin too.”

Your eyes soften. 

“We should actually do that sometime.”

“We should.”

“Now go back inside, I’m sure your boyfriend misses you.”

She looks down and smiles, “alright..”

She turns back around, hesitantly. 

“I can’t believe you used to kiss Billy all the time.” 

Heather turns around to glare at you, “don’t ever mention that again.”

You giggle at the look on her face. 

“I can’t believe that you kissed Billy and Steve in one night,” she smirks, winking at you before she walks back inside, leaving you by yourself. 

“Right..” 

You want to forget about the kiss, the one with Billy at least. 

You reach for the pack of cigarettes in your pocket, walking over to the porch steps, you sit down and light a cigarette. You don’t smoke very often, only when you’re stressed. 

You enjoy the silence, though, it doesn’t last very long. Someone steps out on the porch and you inwardly pray that it isn’t Steve or Billy. 

The footsteps give it away, it’s neither of them. 

You lift your head to look, it’s no friend of yours either. 

It’s Nancy Wheeler standing in front of you – no, sitting down beside you. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

For a moment, you both sit in silence. You offer her a cigarette, to your surprise, she takes one and lights it up. 

“So, did you start paying attention?” 

You shake your head with a small smile. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, sure you don’t,” Nancy chuckles. 

You turn your body towards her, you lean back against the railing and look at her curiously. 

Nancy crosses her legs and smokes the cigarette, giving you a tight lipped smile.

“Still oblivious, I see.”

You’re not fully oblivious. Not anymore. 

“Y-You think that Eddie and I like each other.”

“No.”

You furrow your brows. 

“I don’t think, I know.” She shrugs, “I guess, I just wonder why you and Eddie aren’t dating.” 

You’re a little flustered by her words. 

“Because he is my best friend?” You mumble as you stub out the cigarette and look down.

“Yeah, that’s what you already said, last time and it still doesn’t look like it.” 

You give her a questioning look, you stare at her, and suddenly, she feels flustered. 

“Why do you even care?” 

Nancy hesitates, she looks down at the cigarette between her fingers. Her shoulders are slumped but she is still tense. Nancy pities Steve because she can see how much he is suffering, how much he loves you, how much he still wants you but she can’t deny that you have been in pain for so many months, some of the pain which has been caused by her. The least she can do is help you, help you understand, help you to see. 

“I’m just, I’m sorry.”

She folds her hands in her lap after stubbing out the cigarette. She glances at you, almost shyly and with a hint of guilt in her blue eyes. 

“What?” 

She closes her eyes, she fidgets with her fingers and takes a deep breath before she opens her eyes again. 

“For everything.” 

Oh.

“I’m sorry for taking him away from you. I-I saw the way you two looked at each other back there. I guess, I just now realized what I’ve ruined.”

“It would’ve been someone else if it wasn’t you, Nancy.” 

She furrows her brows, looking at you, almost bewildered. 

“No, I don’t think so. He loves you.” 

“Well, that realization came a little too late.” 

“Did it?” Nancy asks, carefully.

You hesitate before you say ‘yes’. 

She nods. 

“But, why do you always bring Eddie up?” 

“What?” 

“You always talk about.. Eddie,” you frown, “do you want him now?” 

The thought of it angers you. Does she always want what you have? 

“Do you want Eddie now that you realized that Steve isn’t the prince you thought he was?” 

Her eyes widen, “no! No, it’s not that! I-I just, I was jealous of you, not because of Eddie,” she says, shaking her head at the thought of Eddie. “I wanted what you two have.”

“A best friend?” 

“That’s the thing.. I never thought you two were just… friends.” 

You wait for her to continue. 

“I wanted that hand holding in class, that cute bantering in the hallway, someone to lend me a shoulder whenever I need it, I wanted to be free like you were. Showing my love openly – and I found that in Jonathan. We started of as friends b-but that would have never been enough. He taught me about true love, about feeling cared for, and he waited for me. He waited and waited and I hurt him over and over by not breaking up with Steve.. Does that sound familiar?” 

“Oh.”

By the look in your eyes, she knows that you begin to understand a little. Your eyes that soften when you think about him. 

She opens her mouth, but she never gets to say the words she’s been meaning to say all night, because the man you have been talking about steps out. Interrupting your conversation. 

Both you and Nancy turn to look at him. 

He looks taken aback by the sight in front of him. He figured that you weren’t by yourself, he didn’t expect Nancy to be the one out here with you. 

“Uh, can we talk y/n?” He asks, still looking between the two of you with a confused look on his face. 

You and Nancy can’t help but share a look of amusement. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Nancy pushes herself up with a sigh, she glances at you and gives you a small smile before she walks past Steve and walks back into the house. 

Steve scratches the back of his neck, he stands there, awkwardly for a moment. 

He still hasn’t told you about the break up but, he knows that you know. Everybody knows. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you nod, “are you?”

He walks towards you and you get back up on your feet, looking up at your ex boyfriend. Your ex boyfriend that you just kissed. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asks. 

You shrug, “you just kissed your ex girlfriend in front of your other ex girlfriend.” 

His mouth set in a hard line before he looked away with a chuckle. 

An amused huff escapes you. You try to walk around him but you trip and stumble, almost falling backwards but his large hands catch you, he wraps them around your waist and pulls you closer. This time you stumble forward, right into his chest. 

He uses the opportunity to wrap his arms around you fully. 

“Let’s not repeat your fall from years ago.” 

You gape at him. 

“Can’t you let it go?!”

His eyes crinkle with amusement. 

“Fuck no, I’m not letting it go. I saved you and you panicked and pushed me down – I still have the scar on my hip from it!” 

You roll your eyes, chuckling. 

“What did you want to talk about?” 

He doesn’t answer your question, instead, he takes your hand and leads you away from the entrance, away from the porch lights, away from the place where people can see you. 

You don’t question him, you follow him, just the way you always did. 

Behind the house, there is no light but the moon shining down on you. And Steve can’t help but want more of what he just had. 

He whispers your name and you know, you know what he wants. 

“Will you forgive me for what I’m about to do?” 

“What–”

He cups your cheeks and leans down to kiss you. He needs more of what he just had. 

You gasp against his lips but you so easily melt into the kiss. 

And the moment you kiss him back, he wraps his arms around you and suddenly, his hands are all over you, your back, your waist, the back of your neck. He is pulling you in, closer and closer until there is no space left between the two of you. 

You are kissing him. You are kissing him back. Not because of a game. You are kissing him because you want to kiss him. You want him. 

His heart soars. 

Everything inside of him screams in joy. 

He needs you, he needs you closer and closer. 

He kisses you desperately. 

Your tongues meet and the kiss gets more feverish, more passionate than before. Maybe more passionate than ever. 

You whimper into the kiss and he is sure that it’s enough to make his heart explode. 

You kiss him just as desperately. You are needy, like him. 

Warmth blossoms Steve’s chest. His heart is feeling whole for the first time in a long time. 

You are both breathing heavily in between kisses. He can’t get enough of you. How could he ever get enough of you? How could he ever throw this away? How could he ever push you away? 

His feelings, his emotions seem to get in the way – they seem to get in between the two of you because you can feel it, you can feel what he is thinking about. 

Because you begin to feel it too. The more you open your heart to him, the more you let him in – the more it hurts. You curse at it, you curse at the pain and at the dark stain that he had left on your heart.

You savor the kiss, just like he does. 

He savors it too. Your kiss isn’t a promise. Not even your love is. 

He destroyed too much.

And though you don’t want it, you push him away and ignore the way you already miss him and the feeling of his lips on yours. 

“W-What are you doing?” Your voice is shaky and your eyes are glossy. You look up at him with saddened eyes. 

Steve’s hair is disheveled, his lips are puffy from the kissing.

And he looks defeated because the look on your face tells him that this won’t mean anything. 

“I-I’m sorry.. but I-I just needed to do that, at least one last time.” 

You frown at his words. Despite the seriousness of the situation, he can’t help but think that you look cute. 

“You can’t just kiss me after everything!” You snap at him and push past him, walking away from him. 

“Dolly!” 

“No!” 

next chapter

-

tagging mutuals

@mysticmunson @taintedcigs @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @wroteclassicaly @trashmouth-richie @succubusmunson @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @nemesis729 @sherrylyn628 @somethingvicked @chrissymjstan

[navybrat817]

Look at that stare!

Time to Study

Summary: Bucky told you he needed help with his studies, but you should have known he just wanted an excuse to kiss you.

Pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader Word Count: Over 1.2k Warnings: K-I-S-S-I-N-G, college AU, nicknames, Bucky Barnes (yep, he's a warning) A/N: Okay, lovelies. Meet Titan and Starshine in the college AU no one asked for, Falling For You. Thank you @rookthorne, @sgt-seabass, and @chasingmarvel!❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

"Bucky, I think you've been on that page for the last five minutes."

He shrugged and continued to stare, his blue eyes focused completely on you. A smile began to spread across your face before you cleared your throat and glanced at your book. Your face heated up when you still felt his gaze on you. With the looks of a model and a smile that could make panties drop, it was almost overwhelming to have his attention.

But you liked it.

“Why didn’t we meet in the library?” you asked, suddenly aware of how hot it was in your room.

Or was it him?

You were also aware of how close he was to you on your bed. You could’ve chosen to sit in a chair or on the floor, but you made the decision to take your bed. He followed suit and kept a reasonable distance. But he moved closer with each passing second until his knee almost bumped yours.

No way in hell were you going to stop him.

“It’s more comfortable here,” he replied. You tried not to lose yourself in his eyes when you dared to look at him. “Don’t you think?”

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you nodded. You even managed not to whimper when he placed his hand on your thigh. With his sleeve pushed up, you could see the veins in his forearm, a visual reminder of his strength. He didn’t slide his hand up any higher or apply any pressure. It rested there, like he was testing the waters.

Come on in. The water’s fine.

"It is, but I thought you said you needed my help," you reminded him when he made no move to read or look over his notes.

Some assumed that because Bucky was good looking, athletic, and a member of the most popular fraternity on campus that he got people to do his work for him. That couldn't have been further from the truth. He was a nice, smart guy, much smarter than most expected. And while he didn't brag about his grades, he more than earned his high GPA through his intelligence and hard work.

The whole package. Wait, why does he need my help again?

"Stop staring!" you said, trying your hardest not to smile when he lightly chuckled. It was such a sexy sound. "We need to study."

"Oh. I actually finished studying before I stopped by. You know I’m getting an A in that class," he smirked, shutting the book and moving it beside him. "Or did I forget to mention that?"

It was your turn to stare at him, your mouth open when he flashed his winning smile.

Smug. Bastard.

"You lied to me, Bucky Barnes."

He pouted before he smiled again. "I didn't lie. I would never lie to you.”

His hand went to the back of your neck as you tried to remember to breathe. "Yes, you did,” you huffed, not wanting to let him off the hook. Even if he distracted you the more he leaned in, his fingertips tickling your skin. “You said you needed my help. I cleared my whole afternoon."

Like he had to twist my arm to make that happen.

"I do need your help. I need a kiss and you’re the only one who can help me with that,” he argued, his nose bumping yours. “And if you want me to maintain my high GPA, I'll need to study every single one of your kisses thoroughly. Even if it takes all night."

That would’ve been cheesy from anyone else, but he made it sound so genuine.

“You’re ridiculous,” you giggled, running your fingers through his soft hair. His words flustered you and you wondered if he noticed. "What would your brothers say if they heard you?"

Ridiculous and charming and handsome and he smells good and his lips are so close to mine.

“Being ridiculous doesn’t change the fact that I need a kiss,” he said, breathing against your lips. "And no mention of my brothers when you're in my arms. Only me."

Only you, Bucky.

“After I’m done studying,” you whispered with a twinkle in your eyes.

He growled when you giggled again, but didn’t give you the chance to move away. One day you'd get out of one of his holds, but today wasn't it. “Just one little kiss, Starshine? Any kind of kiss you want as long as I get one.”

You sucked in a breath when he licked his lips, his tongue close enough that it brushed against your mouth. It would’ve been easy to close the last bit of distance and put you both out of your misery. Still playing the part of a gentleman, the hand on your thigh didn’t move. But his grip tightened a fraction.

Enough to let you know how badly he needed you.

As much as Bucky wanted to, he didn’t kiss you the night the two of you spoke for the first time. He was a gentleman and didn’t rush it, even after you stayed up all night chatting. Now you look forward to each and every kiss.

He could have any girl on campus and he’s desperate for me.

“One,” you agreed, capturing his mouth in a gentle kiss.

Bucky returned it with fervor and you were helpless to do anything but get swept away. His lips molded against yours perfectly and you practically crawled into his lap as he deepened the kiss, studying long forgotten at that point. It was a feat you lasted as long as you did without throwing yourself at him.

This is definitely going to be more than one kiss if we don't stop.

“Back to studying?” you asked breathlessly.

“Only if I get to kiss you again when we’re done,” he smiled.

“Are my kisses that great, Titan?” you asked, running a finger along his sharp jawline.

Maybe you weren't playing fair by using his nickname, which he loved hearing from you, but he started it by suggesting a fake study session just to get a kiss from you and using your nickname first.

Instead of a smug smirk when Bucky pulled back, his cheeks flushed slightly as he regarded you with an easy smile. “If you knew what it was like to kiss you, you’d never wanna stop,” he answered, making your heart thud in your chest as he pulled you closer by the hips.

A knock on the door broke you temporarily from your spell, but you stayed close in Bucky’s lap.

“Hey!” your roommate said through the door. “Are you two decent? I need to grab something real quick.”

Great timing.

“Unfortunately, we are,” you teased, pressing your forehead against Bucky’s as she put her key in the door. "Now we have to study."

“Don't mind me! Not looking!” your roommate announced, rummaging through her closet until she found what she needed. “Use protection! Don’t need you knocking her up!”

Bucky laughed when you groaned, both of you used to her antics. “How about we study in my room next time?” he offered.

“Deal," you agreed, sneaking in one more quick kiss.

Although you had a feeling you wouldn’t get much studying done at his place either, you didn't mind one bit.

Another couple for me to adore. Love and thanks! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ KoFi

[theegemini92]

MATING BOND IS NOT LOVE ‼️‼️‼️

I wanna talk about the Mating bond because I don’t think people understand.

Dictionary/ Google definitions:

Mating is the act of pairing organisms for sexual reproduction, and can refer to the pairing of opposite-sex or hermaphroditic organisms. It can also refer to the period when a seasonally breeding animal is able to mate

the action of animals coming together to breed; copulation.

Hence the mating bond doesn’t mean love, it means a strong animalistic urge to copulate. This is my thoughts and theories on the mating bond:

• there are two types of mating bonds, the Land magic blessed ones aka soul mates or what I’d call instantaneous bond and there is the IMPRINT BOND. Soul mates in many definitions doesn’t mean love but it could mean anything, I digress.

Rhys, feyre and Lucien and Elain are so far the only two couples in all of the Massaverse are the only known ones that to my knowledge have had the Bonding EXPERIENCE… that INSTANTANEOUS FEELING by just SEEING or LOOKING at their mates. (Correct me if I’m wrong)

• I know for a fact the mating bond exist to help the fae procreate only the strongest or healthiest offspring’s. HEAR ME OUT: the only two most powerful HL of the ACOTAR verse known to us are Rhys and Tamlin. Both their parents were mates. (In my head Tamlin mother was the second wife lol) it is also clear that many fae don’t Marry for mating sake but political gain aka Beron. So does it not explain why these strong powers skip generations? Or even skip heirs? Because the land magic only picks the strongest and the fae hierarchy DEPENDS on that, their NATURE IS to have survival of the Fittest, perhaps it’s why Rhys tries so hard to build his selfish reputation of EVIL OVERLORD 😂

• now let’s talk about those bonds IMPRINTED or MADE. The one that we actually read about happening in the moment and described. Nesta and Cassian. Their bond was made DURING COPULATION. Not a happy moment in time or a regular time of the day. IN THE MOMENT!

Rhys said: sometimes some people reject the bond and if she’s female the males sometimes go and physically fight for these females. So sometimes I think about this: what if Nesta’s Real Mate ever appeared? The mate that is land magic given, the real soul mate. What happens then? Could it be possible? I think so. Just like a mother can give birth to three children and still feel the pain of each child when they’re in trouble or hurt. I should think those invincible bond strings apply. So will Cassian bond fade if that happens or become weak or will be weak compared to the real mating bond?

• the mating bond is said to be rare and why to me it is, is because the actual land given mating bond finds the strongest best mates, selection to breed and not create any weak fae, to keep the balance. The fae also live way too long to just procreating with just anyone one like us human beings.

• if the mating bond meant LOVE or STRONG MUSHY FEELINGS then Theia would’ve never killed Fionn, RHYSANDS father and mother would’ve never had a strained marriage. Elain won’t be trying so hard to avoid our boy Lucien.

A few follow-up questions:

• why do the bat boys want to lock down the archeron sisters so bad with a mating bond?

• there is a theory out there that Rhys somehow contributed to the mating bond with the bargain he made with fey UTM. ( I doubt that)

• Are some bonds forced? I think Tams mothers could’ve been with a father like his…. lol but then again Rhys has his reputation so we’d never know…

Please stop throwing mating bonds around like it’s forever love. It’s not. Feel free to drop your thoughts 🫶🏽

EDITED:

So this part was brought to my attention because I was solely focused on ACOTAR. But the mating bond applies to all of the massaverse. Let’s talk about throne of glass mating bonds. There were only two by my memory which was Rowan and Aelin and aedions parents. (Correct me if I’m wrong) Sjm didn’t really elaborate on it and how it worked but only described it when Rowan was talking about his false bond to his dead wife which was her personality. So in ToG interpretations, personality is a bonding source or the smell of the bond be it mates or offsprings and not strings or a halo of light like ACOTAR but that’s about it. They are mates because Maeve saw it and changed it. Sjm made sure she changed the mating bonds in all her books depending on the world so the land magic works differently. I think people compare ACOTAR to the other worlds and miss the whole point of these worlds being different.

So if Maeve can change and take away bonds, it means bonds can be broken or temporarily subside.

[i4oba]

nct 127 as… / fanfiction aus!? 🏡…

[take the quiz here to see which one you get!]

✰ TAEYONG — street racer!au

you hated that taeyong’s hobby has never changed: it was rather infuriating how he couldn’t have stopped with those stupid street races which he couldn’t even miss once; you had known lee taeyong ever since from elementary school, and you knew all too well how his biggest dream was to take part in formula 1, but a poor boy, living on the countryside can only dream of achieving such heights, he would never be able to reach that. you don’t even know how the two of you got to befriend each other, it might have been that chemistry project where you two were assigned to work together in that old fashioned “the breakfast club” way on saturdays, as you couldn’t properly behave. you two slowly became good friends, and then… something you weren’t able to describe, it was way too confusing, and growing up you two realised that the period of time when you were together, as a couple, was more than just toxic, pretty much unhealthy. you left him for good finally, leaving behind this mess of a relationship when you got accepted to the university of your dreams, after taking one year off of studies because of whatever reason you foolishly came up with. since taeyong’s name was pretty well known by then in the world of street racing, you knew fully well that he wouldn’t just quit for school which he despised anyways. after breaking up, you left everything unsolved between the two of you, leaving behind the memories as well, trying to make it easier for the both of you, after all. you weren’t mean. but that’s the first word in taeyong’s mind when he spotted you standing there at the track: it seemed as if your face became skinnier, your eyes were teary, hair somewhat shorter than what he was used to. you had changed, he decided, when you took a step closer to his car, which he couldn’t bring himself to change up. but he hadn’t changed in your eyes: he was still that little boy filled with enthusiasm, absolutely crazy for race cars, the taste of speed and you. especially you. “please, be careful” you whispered gently, as he drove away way too fast, as soon as the flag fell down. and then he disappeared in the night, loud and swift.

✰ TAEIL — teacher!au

when you applied for a job at the elementary school of the new town you’d moved to, you made a resolution in mind, learning from previous mistakes: you won’t be so forgiving with your students, you won’t let the parents tell you how to do your job and most importantly, you will NOT fall in love with someone at work ever again (it seemed fatal by then, since you had to leave your previous job because of that). you didn’t have that much of experience as a teacher, your diploma was pretty fresh, gathering dust on the drawer, but you would never let that make you feel less: you were enthusiastic, very thoughtful, as you brought cupcakes for your class, for example! i mean, on the previous night, while decorating the cupcakes with that pinkish icing, you wouldn’t have thought this would be the first step of the chain reaction – you fucked up a few times before when it was time for the first impressions, and let’s be real, that’s exactly what happened on your first day too: you clumsily dropped the whole tray of sweet treats in the entrance of the teacher’s lounge, half of the cupcakes actually ending up on one of your colleagues, who you had tons of gossips going around in the hallways following shortly. and you couldn’t even deny the obvious attraction you felt towards moon taeil, who you fell in love with on the first sight. he was a biology teacher which… well, made place for a few inappropriate biological jokes (well, yeah, sex-ed) coming from the sixth graders, or! the silly theories coming from the youngest of students, telling their parents that you are for sure pregnant (which would’ve made you furious if it wasn’t for their undeniable cuteness).

✰ JOHNNY — high school reunion!au

the first high school reunion of yours was arranged by the student who used to be the council president of your class, who even sent out handmade invitations to everyone, hoping that most of the class would go, not holding grudges against each other anymore, no matter how the bond between everyone of you was pretty much terrible. you were not that big of a persona amongst your peers, you were rather quiet, much like an outcast during your high school years, sometimes addressed with the ominous word “weird”, so you weren’t even planning on going, since you knew very well: no one would bother to notice you being there, or your absence either. it was in the last possible moment when your mother persuaded you finally, after a very big fight between the two of you, offering a ride as well, because (whether it’s a shame or not) you failed your traffic exam once again. focusing on this mainly, you were afraid you would come off as a total loser, as you always fail no matter what. but, after not much of thinking, you decided that you can simply lie, since you live very far away from this dusty little town anyways, no one could actually fact check what’s actually true from what you tell. even on the ride to your old school, you were thinking of false fun facts you could say when someone asks something, telling yourself that it’s not that big of a deal, not that big of a lie – as soon as you stepped into the school itself, though, the damn nostalgia reminded you how much of a loser you had always been. plus, the sight of johnny seo made the situation even worse. your throat felt dry, palm sweaty as your courage left your body slowly, evaporating suddenly, as a fully random girl from your class showed something on his phone to you, laughing loudly in your ear, adding something witty too; you were in love with johnny for a long time, and everyone who got to find this out sooner or later, decided to turn it against you as soon as they got the chance, like those mean, little girls in elementary. you never knew how johnny felt about you, since he never actually told you, or brought it up either, because he was simply understanding. well, in the dimly lit bathroom of the school, pressed against the cold tiles, you knew exactly what he might have felt, kissing you messily, like someone who had been starving. you two were cowards to tell the truth to each other, afraid of making steps forward.

✰ YUTA — rockstar!au

it was pretty much a cliché to hear the “i’m with the band” sentence over and over again, but when you started using it… no one could ever stop you. you were proud that your boyfriend reached his goals and his biggest dream, and every time you saw the ever growing audience at their concerts, a certain, really warm feeling appeared in your chest, slowly filling the whole of your body, which, let’s be real, got to your head a few times. the band had been a thing ever since you were high schoolers, really active ever since the first practice in that musty basement, not too intense back then, but really consistent, persistence paying off in the end, resulting in concerts, albums, and whatnot, including interviews – both of your worlds turned upside down, and nakamoto yuta, as the front man of the group became a star, bringing you with himself everywhere they had to go, like a lucky charm. he felt at ease whenever he could spot you in the crowd, maybe in the first row, dancing and singing along to their songs, or at times when you gave an intense, adrenaline driven kiss on his lips before their performances, rewarding him with something more after… somehow it all worked out, since you two were insanely, madly in love with each other. but how long is this going to be the norm? you’re afraid of guessing.

✰ DOYOUNG — royalty!au

it felt a little chaotic as you spent your time in the spacious library of the palace, dressed in your newly made red velvet dress and a crimson coloured mask on your face, far from the ball room, and even further from the musicians, the aristocrats and young men, ready to ask for your hand in marriage. you were only able to stay for one dance, not having the patience to talk to complete strangers, to dance with heirs you didn’t even know of, and to let them get the best of you, waiting for the right time to use you for their own good. no, you’re not suitable for such things, even if it sounded a little selfish at that moment. it bothered you anyway, that you had to look for The One you could marry – you didn’t want to decide during one night only, whether they could enjoy your company for the rest of their lives, or not. to decide who’s the richer man, you could envision yourself with. you sneaked out in a second, when no one actually paid attention to you anymore. you only found the library purely out of accident, but it was such a pleasant accident since you felt like you were home there. it was quiet, the room filled with the scent of old books, and you were left alone with your own feelings and wandering thoughts. or so you thought at first, until someone stormed inside the library, following you shortly (you wanted to guess how much time you spent there, completely lost in the world of books but you lost your sense of time soon after entering). you didn’t even pay attention to the new guest, you simply continued with the intriguing, dusty book in your hands. the newcomer, however, decided to take a seat right next to you, with his own novel he got from one of the closer shelves. he didn’t say a word, but you could feel the smirk playing on his face, angrily closing your book, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. he didn’t have a mask on, which made you recoil a little, your breath hitching at the sight of such handsome young man, turning the pages of his poem anthology with a smile on his face. his gaze met yours when he looked up, winking at you mischievously. and that funny, unfamiliar feeling you felt at that moment, couldn’t have been described in any of those books laying around, although there was at least a thousand of them. only the boy next to you would be able to do so: kim doyoung, the prince of the kingdom, the heir of the throne.

✰ JAEHYUN — forbidden love!au

you hated hearing the word “forbidden”, although you had heard it several times growing up. you’re not a monarch, you bear no wealth and you basically have nothing else either, but the always so kind and warmhearted heir, jaehyun, couldn’t stop spending his precious time with you, since he enjoyed your company to the extent that you were ashamed of it. you had been selling flowers on the street ever since you were a little girl, mind filled with dreams and false hope. jaehyun always made you feel important, never getting in your way of achieving what you’d always been dreaming of. he was always following your steps, much like the shadow of you, not wanting to leave you any time soon. you could’ve thought it was because of the close friendship between the two of you, and you had always been a little oblivious of recognizing such hidden signs. you let him hug you, smile the brightest whenever he looks at you, and you let him waste your time which you were keen on sacrificing for him, not once hesitating whether what you’re doing is right or not. maybe it was a waste of time to spend your time at the flower field together, smelling the sweet scent of flowers, gazing at the sky endlessly. the stupid feelings were so blind and deaf, they couldn’t hear the obvious alarms of “forbidden” being shouted time to time – when he kissed you for the first time, you didn’t feel guilty. you deserved that. guilt only arrived when it was too late already.

✰ JUNGWOO — fake dating!au

you were actually serious about that contract and the paperwork, as an all too practical person you had always been, but jungwoo shook his head, declining your offer every time, saying how stupid it actually was… since you two are friends, right, and this is a one time only thing. it’s just one night, where you can surprise your family, to let them know that you’re not suffering from relationship problems or anything. you got bored of them always bringing it up, and jungwoo had enough of hearing you complaining about it, so he came up with this whole “fake dating” idea. you weren’t too optimistic, especially since your whole family knew about him, which could make you both seem a little suspicious. he calmed you down, though, telling you that you’re just paranoid, and you can say, after a good two or three months, that you two broke up through tears. little did jungwoo know, that you were afraid of a different thing… which involves the feeling of love you had been feeling towards him for years. you didn’t want to let him know about this silly crush you had on him, but you clearly knew that this night will change everything, as you two will have to act like a real couple for the whole night, and you weren’t sure whether you would be able to leave it all behind, once you get used to it. selfish or not, you were afraid that after a night where you two have to hold each other’s hand, kiss each other here and there (in the name of pure acting), you won’t be able to resist the confession. well, it’s such a rookie mistake to forget about the reason why jungwoo offered this whole thing, right?

✰ MARK — childhood friends to lovers!au

ever since you've basically known your name, mark has been the boy next door. there was the cheeky, red letters of "lee" painted on the mailbox, the windows were adorned with the same coloured curtains, and the same doormat has been sitting in front of their door for ages. you have loved mark ever since you two have met. there wasn't a day where you wouldn't think of him, and there hasn't been a day when you haven't loved him. it was like a vicious circle which you couldn't get out of, because those stupid feelings would destroy the oh so precious friendship of yours, and you cannot let that happen, right? i mean, that's what you've thought for far too long, since this friendship meant more to you, than the fragile feeling of love – you didn't want it to get to the point where you would rather spit on each other, than talk it out. maybe that's why you pushed him away from yourself? maybe you just did that because you weren't too sure of your own peace of mind? no matter what, you knew the decision itself was wrong, only to realize it way too late. damaging the friendship and crying yourself to sleep was all your fault, after all, being way too proud and scared, stupid even; when you came back to the town where you two grew up, the least thing you wanted was to meet mark lee, mainly because you wouldn't have been able to look him in the eyes after all these happened. but you had to, so soon you even got a little surprised. it's been a while since the last time you have been home, your bedroom seemed way too unfamiliar at that point, just like the vhs tape placed directly in the middle of your bed. one which you haven't seen yet. it didn't have a title, the white label completely empty as you picked it up. you were a little bit cautious when placing it in the system, waiting for it to play whatever is on it, not having such large imagination to expect anything. it was a home video montage, full of videos of you and mark: playing together, getting ready for the first day of school, going to the movies, the way you two got engaged in middle school as a joke, and the omnious day of prom... you got teary eyed, with one thing on your mind - you have to go and save whatever's left now. maybe you're not too late.

✰ HAECHAN — rivals to lovers!au

lee donghyuck's name rushed through the hallways of your music academy just as quietly as a whisper, and you never knew why was it all like that ever since you've stepped foot into the school. you couldn't even hide the way too obvious rolls of your eyes every time you heard it. lee donghyuck was one of the biggest prodigies at the academy, no one could even be considered as a rival for him, this is mainly why he was such a big living legend amongst the students - you couldn't even hide how annoyed this made you, especially because he made sure you knew this ever since you two were little. music played a huge part in both of your lives, and somehow, you two always seemed to be at each other's throat, the first place at being the best always changing between the two of you. you could never get rid of each other either; your dad, always being so positive, once said, on your way to the academy sometime between sophomore and junior year, that the only reason behind this is that you two are equally good at what you're doing. you were pretty much skeptic for the longest of time, and felt as if you were destined to be the forever second next to him. you've had enough of always bumping into walls, since hyuck was the one who could stand at the first place ever so proudly. in kindergarten, in middle school, and even in high school, every. god damn. time. and that infuriating smile was plastered all upon his face even when you two were asked to not perform alone on the annual charity gala of your academy - you two had to perform something phenomenal, putting the childish jarring aside, growing out of the silly phase of hating each other, which was all made up by you, and you only, pushing the poor boy away from you. the boy who had always been so obsessed with you, utterly and completely. he won this time again, isn't it right?

[siriusremusblack]

Uh, welcome to my TED Talk I guess?

Imagine this. From a young age, ever since you can remember, your father was abusive and neglectful. Your mother also neglectful but is a bit more caring. At the age of nine you meet someone that is similar to you in one way or another and you become friends. That person is the only one that can bring you any semblance of love, appreciation, kindness and happiness- that you as a small child need. You know at age eleven you will finally be able to get away from your abusive household because of a wizarding school that is similar to a boarding school. You know of it from old books your mother owned, hearing about it from her and some others, and usually is a topic in your parents fights.. you think you will finally have some peace from the abuse, a safe space where you can just exist normally like any other person there.

But… then you meet the rich, popular, pureblood, well known kid and their friends. They immediately start hating on you for simply wanting to be in a specific house.. and the next thing you know. Your sanctuary you would’ve had for seven years has been turned into another hell for you.

The staff and other students don’t care for your situation. Even your best friend you’ve known since you were nine seems to be drifting closer to your tormentors and farther away from you. Then when you’re in a highly stressful situation (being SAed in front of everyone) you say a slur referring to your best friend (which also applies to yourself) you feel horrible, and you apologize. Yet, your friend asks you to leave them alone for good and you do. You have lost the only person that has ever cared about you.

So, you join a group that promises you affection, power, authority, care, etc. You feel accepted for once, like you belong. Then, that group puts your former best friend and her family in danger, so you ask the big boss to spare your friend as the target was her child so you couldn’t ask to spare the kid and the husband was your main tormentor.. so you only asked him to spare your ex best friend. But you’re worried he won’t keep his word because you’ve seen first hand how he is like.

So you go back to one person you’ve met, that you know likes them. Even though they’ve never shown you any concern or cared for what happened to you. You seek them out for help. You ask them to save your friend, then to save their family. Including your tormentor. You practically sell yourself to the man to have this done. Yet. Your friend still dies, only her child survived and you’re tasked with protecting him subtly when he goes to the school as a first year, much later and on top of that you’re to be a double agent, spy and a professor with many many tasks and responsibilities in the very same school you were traumatized and abused. With the very same people who ignored your needs, your trauma and your pain in favor of your abusers.

The kid you’re tasked to protect from year 1 to year 7 is almost an exact carbon copy of your tormentor look wise. Which is a huge trigger. Not only that but they have the eyes of your former best friend. Those eye they use to stare at you with contempt from day one because they automatically assume upon seeing you, that you’re bad and out to get them. When you’re not. Those eyes you see everyday on the carbon copy of your tormentor triggers you, it brings you unimaginable emotional pain you can’t express or explain to anyone. You still have no one.

Not only that, but you’re autistic. You’re misunderstood and have been for your entire life. You don’t know what genuine affection is and you base your actions on how those around you act because those are your role models. Your role models are witty, sassy and sarcastic. They have obvious bias and favoritism towards their own houses and students. They ignore what they want. You act like them. You copy them but yet, you’re still hated while they’re adored by everyone, because you’re favorites aren’t the same as theirs…

Everyone is upset that you’re too “bitter” and “petty” and too sarcastic and sharp tongued. When really you’re an autistic wizard who has been traumatized and vilified all your life with little to know support. You’re seen as petty because you couldn’t get over something that happened years ago, even though it was so traumatic it will always affect you and you have no support system to get the help you need. You’re seen as bitter for being prickly around others and careful about who you get close to, even though you’re surrounded by people who never cared for you constantly seeing triggers wherever you look.

How can you be nice when everyone around you doesn’t seem to be? How can you be nice when you never been on the receiving end of someone genuinely being nice? How can you be nice when you’re in constant stress over multiple taxing jobs? How can you be nice when you’re triggered everyday by constant reminders of your trauma? How are you expected to open up and be nice, caring, happy when you’re silently struggling with immense pain because the people around you never cared to help you? How can you be expected to act in a way when you were never taught or shown how to do so? When all your life you’ve been abused and neglected and unappreciated? You can’t be.

Those with support systems can improve if they want to. They can manage the symptoms of their trauma. But without a support system it is extremely difficult almost impossible to improve and heal. How can you expect someone to be a happy go lucky person when all their life they were beaten down and abused by everyone around them? Trauma affects people throughout their entire lives. Without the proper support and care a person cannot properly heal. It is the same for physical wounds, if you don’t get the proper treatment for it, it won’t properly heal. If it doesn’t properly heal it can and will hurt you more later on. You cant expect someone who was hit by a car and paralyzed to be a track star racer. The same applies to someone who has gone through so much abuse and hate and trauma, you can’t expect them to be this loving, happy, extroverted person.

[wannabeschyulersister]

not a goodbye

“I think you should go to New York.”

Carmen had been staring at the huge whole on the side of the house for the last twenty minutes. The cold air rushing through didn’t phase him at all.

Your words did.

“What? Wh-what are you talking about?”

“I overheard your conversation with Michelle. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. I was actually trying to avoid Fak. He was trying to talk to me about those damn baseball cards.” You stepped closer to Carmen and he grabbed your hand.

“I’m not going.” He simply said.

“Carmen, look around. This is chaos. Your future is so fucking bright but this-“ you waved your free hand around, “isn’t what’s good for you mentally. I love your family and I know that you do too but you have to put yourself first.”

Carmen was a stubborn man. After the fiasco that you both witnessed at dinner, you hoped that he would take up Michelle on her offer.

“I can’t put myself first. I need to be here for my mom and Sugar. Michael is just- he’s a mess. I can’t just leave everyone. I can’t leave you. I won’t- I won’t leave you. I need you.” Carmen felt like he was beginning to panic at the sheer thought of being away from you.

You placed your hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat begin to pick up faster. “Carmy, we wouldn’t be saying goodbye for long. I’m graduating in a few months. I’m sure there’s plenty of marketing agencies I can apply to work at in New York. And I can visit you as much as I can.”

Carmy shook his head stubbornly, “No, (Y/n). Didn’t you see what just happened here? I can’t leave them like this!”

“You can’t put the weight of the world on your shoulders,” you told him, hoping he would listen to your words, “You can’t fix everyone’s problems especially if they don’t want to help themselves.”

Carmen rested his forehead against your shoulder and wrapped his arms around you. He knew deep down you were right. In that moment, it all felt so overwhelming. His family was a disaster.

He didn’t want you to attend his family’s dinner tonight but he still invited you anyways. He knew how badly things could turn out to be but he selfishly wanted you there for support.

Carmen held your hand during dinner when everything went to hell. He honestly didn’t even know how he would’ve sat there and handled anything without you by his side.

You’d been around his family dozens of times. Sugar adored you. Michael made you feel welcomed as soon as he first met you. Donna was another story. You understood the situation and avoided her as much as you could. You were always respectful and spoke to her, but you didn’t go out of your way to strike a conversation. She had the ability to completely snap on someone and you didn’t want it to happen to you.

“You really think I should go?” He asked you softly.

“Yes, I do. I believe in your future. In our future. I know you’re going to do amazing things, Carmy.”

You felt him kiss your neck, “I love you.”

“And I love you. I know it’s going to be hard but we can make it.”

He nodded before kissing your lips, “We can make it.”

[ellswritings]

The Flirting Game

Aka the three times you make him blush, and the one time you don’t.

Jesse Swanson x reader

TW: Cocky reader, romantic tension, and tooth-rotting fluff.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Barden University was never Y/N’s first choice in a college. In fact, college was never even on her radar in the first place. The girl’s original plan after graduating high school was to make it big as a singer. She could dance, sing, and act if she really wanted to. But her voice was something she’s always relied on when it came to being successful. Unfortunately, her desire to be famous and successful was shut down by her parents. Her mother being a neurosurgeon and her dad being the governor of the state of California, the were both very insistent she go to school. Even if it was just for a backup plan.

Needless to say, they won that battle.

They told her they could pay to send her to any school of her choosing, but Y/N refused. She’s always been one to do things and accomplish them based on her own merit. She applied to multiple different schools, and Barden was the first one to reach out and say she had been accepted. Does she regret not waiting before accepting their offer? Yes. Mostly because her grades got her into Columbia University, but that would’ve been way more expensive. And she’s determined to pay her way through college on her own.

The hallway outside the audition room is buzzing with nervous excitement. Y/N takes a deep breath, grateful to be out of the intense environment, but as soon as she steps into the hallway, she spots someone leaning casually against the vending machine. His dark hair is slightly tousled, and there’s a playful glint in his eyes.

“Hey,” he calls out, a smirk playing on his lips. “You were just in there, right?”

Y/N arches an eyebrow, assessing the stranger for a second. He’s cute, that much is obvious, but there’s something almost too confident in the way he’s looking at her. “Maybe,” she responds coolly. “You stalking the auditions or something?”

He chuckles, stepping away from the machine and sauntering toward her. “No, no. Just... happen to be waiting for a friend who hasn’t gone yet,” he explains kindly. “I caught a bit of your performance.”

“Oh yeah?” Y/N crosses her arms, intrigued despite herself. “And how would you rate it? Since you took the time out of your day to stand here and listen. I’m sure you have plenty of critiques.”

He grins, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “No critiques, I swear. Just... admiration.”

“Admiration,” she echoes, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “That’s cute.”

He blinks, clearly taken aback by her forwardness. “Uh, thanks? I mean, I was being serious. You’re good.”

Y/N smirks, stepping a little closer. “I know I’m good, but I don’t remember asking for your opinion.”

The guy stumbles over his words, clearly not expecting her confidence. “Right, yeah. I just thought—”

“You thought what?” she interrupts, her eyes glinting with mischief. “That you’d swoop in with some charming lines and I’d be all impressed?”

He laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, when you say it like that...”

Y/N narrows her eyes playfully. “What’s your name?”

“Jesse,” he says quickly, extending his hand with a sheepish smile. “And no, I wasn’t trying to, uh, swoop in. Promise.”

She looks at his hand for a moment before shaking it. “Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” He’s still holding her hand a little longer than necessary, and Y/N raises an eyebrow.

“You planning on letting go anytime soon, Jesse?”

He immediately drops her hand, flustered. “Right, sorry. So, uh, what group are you hoping to get into?”

“I’m not hoping,” she says smoothly, leaning against the wall. “I know I’m getting in.”

Jesse chuckles, clearly impressed but still trying to regain some ground. “You’ve got confidence. I like that.”

Y/N tilts her head, smirking at him. “Confidence is everything. Wouldn’t you say, Swanson.”

Jesse opens his mouth to reply, but then pauses. “Wait, how’d you know my last name?”

Y/N grins, leaning in slightly as she whispers, “You’re not the only one who likes to scout out the competition. Just the only one dumb enough to make yourself known.”

He’s visibly flustered now, and Y/N revels in how easily she’s thrown him off his game. “Touché.”

“Better luck next time,” she teases, pushing off the wall. “Catch you later, Jesse.”

She gives him a playful wink before walking away, leaving Jesse standing there, completely dumbfounded and wondering what just happened.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The empty arena is buzzing with post-initiation excitement. The Bellas, Trebles, and other a capella groups are scattered throughout the empty space, celebrating in their own ways. The air smells like cheap beer and adrenaline, but Y/N’s more entertained watching the chaos than participating in it.

She stands behind one of the many rows of concrete seats. Stars twinkle in the sky as sips her drink. A small smile makes its way onto her face as she watches two of her new acquaintances, Beca and Chloe dance together on the floor. Beca is a lot more stiff than her redhead counterpart, but at least she’s trying to show she’s interested. Suddenly, Jesse appears out of nowhere, his eyes lighting up when he spots her. He’s clearly tipsy, his steps a little uneven, but his usual cocky grin is still in place.

“Well, well, well,” he says, stumbling to a stop in front of her. “Look who’s all cool and aloof.”

Y/N arches an eyebrow, smirking. “Look who’s all drunk and sloppy.”

He lets out a laugh, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not that bad, am I?”

“You’re one wrong step away from falling down the steps,” she teases, eyeing him up and down. “But hey, I’ve seen worse.”

“Worse?” Jesse echoes, stepping a little closer, his smirk widening. “That’s not exactly reassuring.”

“I didn’t say I was trying to reassure you,” Y/N quips, taking another sip of her drink. “Maybe you need to be taken down a peg.”

Jesse grins, clearly emboldened by the alcohol. “Oh yeah? You think you’re up for that challenge?”

Y/N chuckles, stepping forward until she’s barely inches away from him. She can feel the heat radiating off his skin, and she knows she’s got him right where she wants him. “I don’t think it’d be much of a challenge, Swanson.”

Jesse’s breath catches, and for a moment, he looks like he’s about to say something clever, but Y/N beats him to it, placing her hand on his chest. “You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

“Flustered?” Jesse tries to sound offended, but his voice comes out a little too high-pitched. “I’m not flustered.”

Y/N just grins, leaning even closer, her lips hovering near his ear. “Oh, you definitely are.”

Jesse shivers, and Y/N can see the way his face flushes. He’s definitely flustered, and she’s loving every second of it.

“You’re... you’re dangerous,” he mutters, trying to compose himself. “You know that, right?”

“Dangerous?” she echoes, her voice dropping to a low, teasing tone. “Perhaps,” she smirks calmly. “Would you like to find out just how dangerous I can really be?”

Jesse’s eyes bore into hers. She can smell the beer on his breath, but it doesn’t deter her. The skin from his neck to his cheeks is completely red. She snakes her hand up and places it gently on the back of his neck, messing with the baby hairs that rest there. She can feel the heat of his skin, despite the chills that erupt on his body from her touch. He doesn’t move away from her. In fact, his lips part just slightly, showing just how desperately he wants to play with danger.

For a brief moment, she considers closing the distance between them, maybe even kissing him just to see how he’d react. But instead, she pulls back at the last second, her smirk widening as she watches him try to recover.

“Maybe next time, Swanson,” she says, giving him a playful pat on the chest before walking away, leaving him standing there, completely dumbfounded.

Jesse watches her retreat, shaking his head in disbelief. “What just happened?” he mutters to himself, still grinning.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

It was late, and the campus was unusually quiet as Y/N and Jesse stepped out of the radio station, the night air cool against their skin. They’d spent the last hour bickering over their favorite songs, Jesse defending his love of 80s rock, while Y/N insisted that nothing could top early 2000s pop hits. Their conversations were always easy, filled with sarcasm and teasing, but tonight had been different—there was something in the air, some undercurrent that neither of them seemed to acknowledge.

Being in the Barden Bella’s could be difficult at some points. Especially with Aubrey Posen breathing down all of their necks. The blonde woman has a vendetta against one specific a capella group, the Treblemakers. Unfortunately, that was the group Jesse got recruited into.

During hood night, Aubrey was practically fuming when she saw how Y/N was with Jesse. In fact, she confronted the girl during rehearsals the following week, telling her if she saw anything like that again, Y/N would be out of the group. She, of course, didn’t take Aubrey’s warning very seriously. She’s already lost two girls based on this vow, and at the rate they’re currently moving at, if she gets rid of Y/N, there’s no way they’d win at Lincoln center.

For a while, she did try to avoid Jesse, just to keep the peace. But she realized it was too addicting to mess with the boy. He just made making him flustered way too easy. It’s almost addicting. So when he offers to walk her home, how could she turn down such an ample opportunity.

Jesse walked beside her, hands shoved in his jacket pockets, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. He hesitated for a second before breaking the silence. “You want me to walk you to your dorm?”

Y/N didn’t miss a beat, her lips curling into a smirk as she gave him a sidelong glance. “What’s this? Jesse Swanson, my personal bodyguard?”

He chuckled, though it came out more nervous than he intended. “Just thought I’d be a gentleman, you know? Make sure you get back safe. It’s dark out.”

“Mmm,” Y/N hummed thoughtfully, pretending to consider it. “And what do I owe you for this gallant service? A song request at the station? A mixtape of all your favorite 80s ballads?”

Jesse laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, I wouldn’t subject you to that again. How about just… your eternal gratitude?”

Y/N stopped walking abruptly, turning to face him. She crossed her arms over her chest, amusement flickering in her eyes. “Eternal gratitude, huh? That’s a pretty tall order, Swanson.”

Jesse stopped too, grinning at her, though there was a hint of nervousness in his eyes. “I’ll settle for a ‘thank you,’ maybe a smile. I’m a simple guy.”

“Oh, just a ‘thank you’? Such modesty.” Y/N stepped closer, her voice dropping to a lower, more playful tone. “And here I thought you were after something more.”

Jesse blinked, visibly caught off guard by her sudden proximity. “Uh, I—” he started, but whatever comeback he was searching for seemed to die in his throat as he stared at her.

Y/N laughed softly, clearly enjoying how easily flustered he got. She placed a hand on his arm, her touch light and teasing. “Relax, Jesse. I’m just messing with you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jesse muttered, shaking his head as if to snap himself out of it. “You’re too good at that, by the way.”

“Good at what?” she asked, though the mischievous glint in her eyes told him she knew exactly what he meant.

Jesse huffed, exasperated. “Getting under my skin.”

Y/N arched an eyebrow, leaning in even closer, her breath brushing against his ear. “Maybe you’re just too easy to get under.”

Jesse swallowed hard, his breath catching in his throat. “Maybe,” he murmured, though it sounded more like a concession than an actual response.

They stood like that for a beat too long—her close enough to feel the warmth radiating from his body, her lips so close to his cheek that if he turned just slightly, they’d touch. Jesse’s heart was pounding in his chest, and for a split second, he thought maybe this was the moment. But then, in true Y/N fashion, she pulled away with a grin, breaking the tension as easily as she’d created it.

“Come on, Swanson,” she said, her voice light and teasing. “Let’s get going before you make this weird.”

Jesse let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding and fell into step beside her, his brain still trying to catch up with what had just happened. “Right,” he muttered, trying to regain some semblance of composure. “Wouldn’t want things to get weird.”

But as they continued walking, Y/N couldn’t help but glance over at him every now and then, a small, amused smile tugging at her lips. She loved how easily she could fluster him—it was like a game. And the best part? Jesse seemed to enjoy playing along just as much.

“So,” she said after a few moments of silence, her tone casual, but the mischief in her eyes was unmistakable. “Does this gentlemanly escort service come with a guarantee? Like, if I get jumped, are you actually going to throw punches? Or just stand there looking pretty?”

Jesse laughed, though he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I’d throw punches. Maybe not good punches, but punches nonetheless.”

“Oh, great,” Y/N teased. “So I can count on you for a half-hearted swing and then some pretty-boy posturing?”

Jesse scoffed, pretending to be offended. “Pretty-boy posturing? Please. I’m more than just a pretty face, Y/N. I’ve got charm. Wit. Unmatched banter skills.”

“Uh-huh,” she replied, clearly unimpressed. “Keep telling yourself that.”

He shot her a sideways grin, eyes twinkling with mischief. “You don’t believe me?”

“Believe you?” Y/N repeated, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, I believe that you think you’re charming. But as for the rest of us? Jury’s still out.”

Jesse placed a hand dramatically over his heart, feigning hurt. “Wow, way to bruise my ego, Y/N.”

“Your ego needs bruising,” she quipped. “It’s getting way too big for your head.”

They both laughed, the sound echoing across the quiet campus as they continued walking. But as they neared her dorm, the playful banter between them started to fade, replaced by something more—something neither of them seemed willing to address head-on.

Jesse slowed his pace as they reached the entrance to her building, turning to face her. “Well, here we are.”

“Here we are,” Y/N echoed, her voice softer now, the teasing edge gone.

There was a brief, awkward pause as they both stood there, neither of them quite sure how to end the night. Jesse shifted on his feet, glancing at her with that same unsure smile he always gave her when he was nervous. “So… goodnight?”

Y/N smirked, taking a step closer to him, her voice dropping to that playful tone she knew always got under his skin. “That’s it? I thought I owed you my eternal gratitude.”

Jesse blinked, caught off guard once again. “Uh, right. I mean, you could—”

She didn’t let him finish. Instead, Y/N reached out, grabbing the collar of his jacket and tugging him closer, her lips hovering just inches from his. “Thanks for walking me,” she whispered, her breath warm against his skin.

Jesse’s brain short-circuited. He could barely think, let alone speak. “Y-you’re welcome.”

Y/N grinned at how flustered he was, enjoying every second of it. But just when it seemed like she might close the distance between them, she let go of his jacket and took a step back, leaving him standing there, dumbfounded.

“Goodnight, Jesse,” she said with a wink before turning on her heel and heading inside, leaving Jesse standing there, still trying to process what had just happened.

As the door closed behind her, Jesse let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “Damn it,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head with a small, defeated smile.

She’d won this round. Again. But something told him he wasn’t quite ready to give up the game just yet.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Backstage at Lincoln Center, the buzz of excitement was electric. The Bellas were huddled together, running through last-minute vocal exercises, but Y/N’s mind wasn’t exactly on the task at hand. Sure, she was ready to perform, confident in their setlist and her place in the group, but something else was pulling her focus tonight—Jesse.

He wasn’t being his usual goofy self. Well, not entirely. Y/N had noticed a shift in his behavior over the past couple of days. The playful glances they exchanged weren’t just playful anymore. They were heavier, more intense, and laced with something unspoken.



Aubrey surprisingly found a way to let loose. She apologized to Y/N for her rude behavior and actually gave her ‘blessing’ for their weird relationship. Not that she needed the woman’s blessing, but it was nice to know that she wouldn’t be kicked out of the group for simply playing with the poor boy.

Now, as she stands off to the side, letting out a long breath to calm her nerves, she could feel Jesse’s eyes on her again. When she glanced across the room, there he was—watching her from where he stood with the Treblemakers, leaning against the wall with that stupid grin she’d grown way too fond of.

She raised an eyebrow, and instead of backing down, Jesse pushed himself off the wall and began making his way toward her. The confidence in his stride was new, different from the easy-going, jokey guy she’d spent so much time teasing.

Y/N forced herself to focus on her breathing. It’s fine. He’s just being Jesse. But the closer he got, the more she realized that whatever this thing was between them, it was building to something—and fast.

When he finally reached her, Jesse stopped just in front of her, standing a little closer than usual. He tilted his head, giving her a once-over before meeting her gaze with a grin. “You look ready to kill it out there.”

Y/N smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Oh, I am. The real question is—are you ready? Because I’ve heard you singing your set, Swanson. And, I mean... it’s cute, but it’s not exactly mind-blowing.”

Jesse’s grin widened. “Oh, it’s cute, huh? Cute enough to beat you?”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, not missing the flicker of determination in his eyes. He wasn’t backing down tonight, and it was... kind of hot. “Not a chance. You forget, I don’t lose.”

Jesse stepped closer, close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from his body. His voice dropped, the playful edge still there but darker, more serious. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. Tonight... you are definitely losing.”

Y/N blinked, thrown by the boldness of his words. “Bold move,” she nods. “But let’s be real—you’re all talk.”

Jesse chuckled softly, his hand reaching out to gently tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The movement was so unexpected, so intimate, that Y/N felt her heart skip a beat. “I’m not all talk, Y/N. Not with you.”

She swallowed hard, trying to keep her cool, but the tension between them was palpable. She’d been in control of their banter for weeks, but tonight, Jesse was flipping the script, and it was starting to get to her.

“Oh yeah?” she said, keeping her voice low as she looked up at him through her lashes. “Then prove it.”

Jesse’s grin turned wicked. He leaned in slowly, his face inches from hers, his breath warm against her skin. “Careful what you wish for,” he whispered, his lips brushing her ear as he spoke.

Y/N felt a shiver run down her spine, but she refused to let him see how much he was affecting her. “I’m not scared of you, Jesse.”

“Good,” he murmured, his hand sliding down to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing over her skin with a touch that was both gentle and possessive. “Because I’ve been dying to do this since I met you.”

Before Y/N could respond, Jesse closed the distance between them, capturing her lips in a kiss that was anything but playful. It was slow, deliberate, filled with a quiet intensity that made her knees go weak. She wasn’t used to this side of him—the one that took charge, that knew exactly what he wanted and went for it without hesitation.

For a moment, Y/N let herself melt into the kiss, her hands instinctively reaching up to grip the front of his shirt. The world around them seemed to blur, the noise of the backstage chaos fading into the background. It was just them—just this moment.

But then, just as quickly as it started, Jesse pulled back, his forehead resting against hers as he caught his breath. He didn’t move away entirely, though. His hand remained on her cheek, his thumb still tracing lazy circles on her skin.

Y/N blinked, trying to process what had just happened. “That was... unexpected.”

Jesse smirked, his voice low and full of mischief. “I told you. I’m not all talk.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes, though there was a playful glint behind them. “You think one kiss is going to rattle me? Please, I’ve had better.”

Jesse chuckled softly, clearly not buying her bluff. “Sure you have.”

Y/N bit her lip, determined to regain the upper hand. She leaned in, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered, “You’ll have to do better than that if you want to win.”

Jesse’s breath hitched, and Y/N knew she’d gotten to him. For a moment, she reveled in the victory, but then Jesse did something she wasn’t expecting—he took a step back, giving her space, but his eyes never left hers.

“You know what the best part about all of this is?” he asked, his voice calm, almost cocky.

“What?” Y/N replied, crossing her arms again, her gaze wary.

Jesse’s grin was slow, confident. “The fact that you’re going to be thinking about that kiss every time you see me. And when we’re out there performing, you won’t be able to stop thinking about it. About me.”

Y/N’s heart raced, but she forced herself to stay cool. “You really think you’ve got that kind of power over me, huh?”

Jesse stepped closer again, his eyes never leaving hers. “I don’t think it—I know it.”

For once, Y/N didn’t have a comeback. He was too confident, too sure of himself, and she hated to admit it, but he was right. That kiss had rattled her more than she’d like to admit.

Jesse’s grin softened as he reached out, his hand brushing against hers briefly before dropping back to his side. “See you out there, L/N. Try not to get too distracted.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving Y/N standing there, her mind spinning. She watched him go, her eyes narrowing as he disappeared into the crowd of performers.

Damn him.

He was winning, and he knew it.

But Y/N wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. If Jesse thought he had her figured out, he had another thing coming. She’d play along for now, but the next round? That would be hers.

As she rejoined the Bellas, she tried to shake off the lingering heat of the moment, focusing on the competition. But as they prepared to do their group pep talk , she couldn’t help but glance over at Jesse one last time.

He caught her eye as the rest of the Trebles walk out on stage, the music starting. A knowing smirk covers his face, as he gives her a subtle wink.

Y/N rolled her eyes, but there was a smile tugging at her lips.

This wasn’t over.

Not by a long shot.

[kumabeom]

saudade love 🫧

episode nine : red lipstick 💋

synopsis : actress!yn and actor!soobin are forced by their companies to date as a publicity stunt to promote their latest releases. however what’s to happen when yn and soobin spend more and more time together even though yn’s closest friend is keeping secrets.

soobin buttoned up the last button on his shirt, before hearing your voice call out his name. he opens the door of the changing room he was currently in, taking a peek out and seeing your confused figure.

“im over here !” he called out, fully opening the door. you turned your head around, seeing soobin. immediately popping a smile, you made your way towards him.

“can i come in ? are you done changing.” soobin nodded. allowing you to come in, seeing you with your complete red gown. you looked so pretty, hair done and makeup so beautifully on. don't get him wrong !! soobin loved you with make up on and off! but he had yet to see you so dressed up that he just couldn’t help but let his heart beat even quicker.

“the stylist had an idea,” you raise the red lipstick up a bit. showing soobin the lipstick and hope that he would understand the message behind your actions. but all you received was an eyebrow furrow from him. “she thinks that i should apply the lipstick and umm… leave kiss marks all over you.. are you okay with that ?” you ask, shyly fidgeting with your own fingers.

“o-oh yeah! i’m okay with that, do you want to put some on my shirt ? i can take it off so you can do it comfortably.” soobin offers, beginning to move his hands towards the red heart shaped buttons on his button up, before stopping after seeing you shake your head.

“umm no, it’s okay. i can do it with the shirt on if you’re okay with it..?” you immediately look at soobin who just nods, cheeks reddening as he took a seat on a stool, hoping to lower down a little so that you wouldn’t have any kind of trouble. however, there wasn’t much a difference when he sat down. you apply the red lipstick, soobin keeping a nervous eye on your actions. he felt his palms beginning to sweat, wiping it off on his black trousers. you anxiously got closer placing a gentle kiss on soobin’s button up, practically kissing his chest. you carefully placed your hands on his shoulder, an attempt to keep yourself steady. if anybody saw you two in your current state, they would definitely think the two of you were dating, with absolutely no doubt in their minds.

your lips met soobin’s button up a few more times, before looking up right at him. a welcoming stare resting on his face.

shit.

you don’t know what happened.

how it happened.

or why it’s still happening.

why aren’t you stopping yourself ?

self control has never been your best interest.

your lips on his. your lips on choi soobin’s lips. heart racing. you’ve kissed soobin multiple times for saudade love, but it’s never felt like this. like a truly loving kiss. soobin couldn’t help but bring his hands up towards your waist, pulling you closer to him. causing you to stumble a bit, but your stance was still secure with soobin’s arms around your waist. your hands cupping his cheeks, the caressing the soft skin with your thumb.

soobin could taste the lipgloss that you had applied minutes before you put on the lipstick. a sweet strawberry flavor mixing in with his rather candy-like lip mask. the sticky substance clinging onto your lips, you really couldn’t be bothered to care. not when your hands were beginning to tug at his button up, oh how badly soobin wanted to pull you into his lap and he would be able to.. if it wasn’t for that red gown that he so loved seeing you in.

abruptly you pull away, pink blush decorating your face as soobin took a moment to catch his breath. he tried to read you, and this time he was successful, but his heart ached. why did you look so regretful, he felt the same way, or else he would’ve pulled away instead of letting you kiss him.

“i’m sorry..!” you exclaimed, immediately putting your thumb over soobin’s lips, attempting to wipe off the red lipstick. which didn’t work, only causing a greater mess on him. you furrowed your eyebrows, panickedly messing with his lips.

“sorry for what ?” soobin questioned, leaning in to your touch, completely forgetting that his arms were still around your waist. you hadn’t necessarily forgotten his touch, but you didn’t want to move away from his warmth.

“i’m sorry for.. kissing you.. it just kinda happened… sorry i must’ve made you so uncomfortable… and now your lips.. they’re all red.” soobin graced you with a warm smile, a chuckle leaving his mouth.

“it’s fine, you shouldn’t have to apologize. i was okay with it, could you not tell.” he asked, pulling you somehow even closer with his arms. “yn.. i really do li-“

soobin’s confession was cut short by a knock at the door. as yeji, bursted into the room, taking in the scene that she walked in on. it all looked a little more passionate than it really was, soobin’s messy button up which was not nearly as tucked in as it previously was. the red lip stains all over him, she couldn’t believe it. last time she checked, both you and soobin weren’t actually dating so why were the two of you like this in a private setting..

“your stylist is asking if you’re almost done.. the two of you are expected out there soon.” yeji states, an angry tone in her voice. all you did was nod before she made her way out of the room. slamming the door shut.

“i think you should put one on my neck” soobin grinned, beginning to feel himself get carried away with the red lipstick. once he felt your lips on his neck, he immediately requested one last mark. “and what about my cheek..?”

©️kumabeom

an : hehehh short written part but that’s all there is to the scene 🤭

taglist (send asks !) : @run2seob @soobadooba @mrsyawnzzn @matcha-binz @taehyhunnzly @20crowsinahoodie @lun4kazumii @lunathewritingcat @wonjws @yourenzoo @missychief1404 @304blur @coconutjjun @theycallmelolla @girlz4jaem @everythingvirgoes @pinkhor1zon @nshitae @damn-u-min-yoongi @jiweok @wonderstrucktae @thing89 @pagetammgyu

[urdepressedslut]

Not By Blood

♡ Pairing: Platonic!BuckyNat x Enhanced!Teen!Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Natasha returns with an injury. Steve of course blames you.

♡ Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of gunfire/gunshot, injuries, vomiting, dissociation, anxiety attacks, steve being an asshole

You sat on the edge of your bed, having a staring contest with the wall. Seeing as the color of the paint was doing an okay job at distracting you from your thoughts. But it didn’t matter anyway, Steve’s words rang in your head.

It should’ve been you.

You tried to play it off as Steve just being concerned for his dear friend Nat. But you couldn’t brush off the hostility laced into his words.

It was a typical mission gone wrong, mistakes were made. People ended up getting hurt. But it was all an accident. Although Steve, didn’t see it that way.

Most of the time, you were seen as a helpful addition to the team. The power of invisibility making you stealthy, being able to retrieve important information without ever being seen. You had quite the advantage of taking down enemies when you weren’t visible.

While you were actively unseen, light and objects could pass through you. Explaining why the bullet passed through you, into Nat’s side.

You had been spooked by the gunshot, instincts swift as you vanished, leaving Nat exposed. Bucky had acted fast, downing the hidden sniper as you reappeared. Immediately being sent into panic, shakily applying your hands over her wound.

Bucky had immediately shoved you away, tending to his lovers wound. It was merely a push out of adrenaline, him needing space to help Nat. But you couldn’t help but feel the shove come off too strongly.

Many hours later, Nat was rushed back to the compound, into the medbay where she was taken immediately. The doctors, including Bruce had done their magic, announcing to everyone waiting, that she’d be okay after some rest.

The announcement eased your anxiety, the waves of nausea drifting finally. Standing up, you headed for Nat’s room.

That was until Steve’s strong arm blocked your path, nearly having you fall backwards in surprise.

“Steve! You scared m—”

“Where do you think you’re going?” He interrupted you, looking down at you with a quizzical glare, making you feel small.

“Um… To Nat’s room.” You told him, shrinking back a little more at his glare turning frustrated.

“Haven’t you done enough? She needs rest.” Steve scolded you, the nausea starting to make its return.

“I know, I just wanted to see her.” You begged, needing to see for your own eyes that Nat was okay.

“You think you should be allowed to? After what happened? She trusted you (Y/n), but not after you used her as a human shield!” Steve raised his voice, crossing his arms. His stance made it clear you weren’t allowed to pass.

“She doesn’t deserve to be in there…” He paused, looking at you up and down in disgust, “It should’ve been you.”

You were taken aback at his accusation, like you would ever purposely hurt any of your teammates, especially Nat and Bucky. Steve’s words cut deep, leaving you speechless. The sob bubbling up in your throat leaving you unable to defend yourself.

But it was the lowly muttered last words that had you wanting to crawl into a hole and hide away from everyone. You looked up to Steve, he had belived in you. What had changed?

Steve just shook his head, a flash of guilt marking his features before his harsh glare returned.

“Go to your room and clean yourself up.” He commanded.

You didn’t have any energy, nor did you trust you voice enough to respond. If you did, you would’ve scolded Steve for speaking to you like a child. You were the youngest in the whole facility, but you weren’t a child.

That’s how you found yourself sitting in your room, staring at the wall, in hopes you’d disappear if you sat still long enough.

The guilt was consuming you completely, maybe Steve was right. Nat had done more than enough to prove herself worthy, she was a valuable teammate. You were… You were just additional baggage. Not necessarily needed.

The thought that you had gotten Nat injured was making you sick, dizzy with guilt. Before you knew what was happening, you were sprinting to the bathroom, sliding just in time to empty your stomach in the toilet.

After a few more moments of dry heaving, you leaned back against the wall next to the porcelain, using the coolness from the wall behind you to calm your clammy skin.

It should’ve been you. It should’ve been you.

The words shouldn’t of bounced around in your head as much as they are, but you couldn’t help but feel they were true. You didn’t belong. They were a family, they had each other. What gave you the right to walk in and mess everything up?

Tears started trailing down your cheeks, shamefully wishing for Nat’s forgiveness, knowing you didn’t deserve it. You hoped Bucky didn’t hate you as much as he should, you don’t think you could live knowing he didn’t like you. You weren’t sure there would be a chance to win Steve’s trust back, you hoped he’d forgive you eventually.

The compound had started feeling like home, with the help of Nat and Bucky. But now, as you sit balled up in the corner— You’ve never felt more out of place.

~

Nat had woken up hours ago, getting through a bunch of hello’s, and appreciating everyone’s concern. Besides Bucky, there was someone who she hadn’t seen greet her yet.

“Where do you think she scurried off to?” Nat asked out loud, Bucky muting the TV and facing her.

“I don’t know. I can’t stop feeling bad for pushing her.” Bucky muttered, remembering the shock on your face after the action.

“James, you didn’t mean it. You were just in mama bear mode.” Nat teased, watching some light return to his face.

“Of course I didn’t mean it, I would never do anything like that to her on purpose… I just— you should’ve seen her face. She looked upset.” He admitted.

“It was a stressful situation, I’m sure she was upset. Just not at you. Stop being so hard on yourself, and go find her and bring her here.” Nat told him, watching him nod and smile.

“Yes ma’am.” He said teasingly, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

“Now go! I want my girl!” Nat scolded playfully, making Bucky chuckle at her goofiness.

~

Bucky had searched the whole compound, not finding you anywhere. He asked around, but nobody had seen you since Bruce gave everyone the okay on Nat’s condition.

The last place he’d yet to check was your room, but you hated being holed up in your room unless it was bedtime, so it seemed out of character for you to be there.

Making his way to your room, he knocked on your door, leaning his ear to the wood, not hearing any noise from inside. No music, movie, humming— nothing. But he knew you were in there because he could hear your heartbeat.

“Doll, it’s me! Can I come in?” He spoke loudly through the door.

After hearing nothing, he started to grow worried. Turning the knob and opening the door slowly, scanning the room for you. Your bed looked a little wrinkled but otherwise untouched, and everything was turned off, the only light coming from the bathroom.

“(Y/n)? You alright? I’m coming in if you don’t say anything.” He warned, trying to keep his tone lighthearted, but he was panicking internally.

Turning towards the doorway, he walked through the frame, spotting your curled up form next to the toilet. Immediately he squatted down to you, concerned at the way you were blankly staring at the wall.

“Hey, hey! (Y/n)? What’s wrong baby— are you hurt?” He rushed out, gently grabbing your arms, twisting you slightly so he could check for wounds, worried that the doctors had missed something.

“Baby what’s going on? You’re scaring me.” Bucky whispered softly, your state making him panic.

After finding no wounds, he relaxed slightly, fully sitting on the floor, cradling your face in his hands. Hoping the metal hand grounded you, like it usually does when you are having an attack.

“(Y/n), you need to talk to me.” Bucky tried again, getting no response, just your vacant stare that felt like it was going right through him.

Keeping his metal hand on your cheek, he reached into his pocket with his free hand, pulling out his phone and dialing.

After a few rings, Steve picked up.

“Steve, I need you to send—”

Bucky couldn’t even finish his sentence, feeling your jaw clench, finding your eyes wide with guilt.

“(Y/n)?” Bucky tried, watching your eyes dart all around the room, ending up on his phone.

“No…” You mumbled, barely audible if it weren’t for the super serum.

Bucky perked up, relieved to hear you talking, but his heart was breaking at how broken you sounded.

“No what baby?” Bucky asked you softly, hanging up on Steve and placing his hand back on your cheek, cradling your face.

“It should’ve been me… It should’ve been me…” You started mumbling in a chant, eyes clenching shut, tears escaping and trailing down your cheeks.

Bucky was concerned and confused, wondering what had happened to have you in this state.

“What do you mean?”

It was a simple question, gently asked by him. But it seemed to trigger you, fully bringing you back with him, but hysterical.

“It’s my fault Nat got shot— I’m sorry Bucky, I’m so sorry please don’t hate me, please! It should’ve been me… It should’ve been…” You sobbed, throwing yourself into Bucky’s arms, knowing you didn’t deserve his comfort, but desperately needing it.

It dawned on Bucky suddenly what had you acting like this, and he didn’t think it was possible for his heart to break anymore.

“Hey, it’s okay baby. It wasn’t your fault, okay? And I don’t hate you, you’re my girl.” He whispered into your hair, softly rubbing your back, holding you tight, letting you cling to him.

“It should’ve been me…” You mumbled into his chest again.

Bucky pulled you back from his chest, cradling your face, forcing you to meet his eyes.

“I don’t wanna hear you say that. It was a mistake, and mistakes happen. But don’t you dare say that. Nat’s okay— and i’m happy that you’re okay too.” Bucky told you, tone gentle.

You sniffled and nodded your head.

“Now, you wanna tell me why you are hiding in your bathroom? You always come to Nat and I.” Bucky asked, slightly offended that his girl found more comfort on the bathroom floor than with him.

You looked down shamefully, your head getting tilted back up by Bucky.

“I tried to visit Nat but… Steve said I shouldn’t.” You admitted quietly.

Bucky’s jaw tensed, leave it to Steve to makes things worse.

“He uh…” You started but got nervous, growing silent.

“He what baby? You can tell me.” Bucky urged, wiping his thumb under your eyes, drying the skin of moisture.

“Don’t get mad at him okay?” You told him, and Bucky rolled his eyes.

He was already mad. Steve messed with his girl.

“Promise?” You asked again.

He huffed in frustration, wishing he could just go yell at Steve. But otherwise nodded to you.

“He said that Nat didn’t deserve to be hurt… That it…” You paused, swallowing through the tightness in your throat, tears returning, “He said it should’ve been me.”

“That little punk, I’m gonna—”

“You promised!” You told him.

Bucky took a deep breath in, trying to let his anger melt away. But he couldn’t relax knowing Steve had said that to you, it was far from okay. You didn’t deserve that, you were the sweetest person to exist.

“Doll, he shouldn’t of said that to you. It’s not true. He sure as hell didn’t mean it, and I’m gonna have a talk with him about why he said it— but it’s not true.” Bucky told you, watching you relax at his words.

“Still hurt to hear though.” You whispered, burying yourself into his arms again.

“I know baby, I’m sorry you had to hear something like that.” Bucky uttered into your hair.

“So is… Is Natty okay?” You meekly asked, still feeling guilty from everything that had happened.

“She asked for you.” Bucky told you, watching you lean back, gazing into his eyes with happiness.

“Really?”

“Yes baby, she’s not mad at you, She just wants to see you. She loves you.” He told you, hating the way he had to convince you. “Wanna go see her?”

You nodded eagerly, needing to see Nat. See that she was okay.

~

The door to Nat’s room opened, she turned her head, smiling lovingly when she saw you standing with Bucky.

“There she is!” Nat called out, holding her arms open.

You ran over to her, jumping into her embrace. The guilt was still lingering and you couldn’t help the tears from falling again, dampening Nat’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry Nat, I’m so glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do without you —I”

“Calm down (Y/n), I’m okay. It wasn’t your fault.” Nat cooed, running her fingers through your hair as you cried into her shoulder. “Oh baby, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

You leaned back just enough to look Nat in the eyes, relieved to have her here with you, safe. You suddenly felt a much larger body press from behind you, caged in between Nat and Bucky.

They wrapped their arms around each other, circling you with their warmth. They weren’t related to you by blood, but sometimes they felt like they were your true family. The family you had been missing.

“I love you guys.” You whispered to them.

“We love you baby.” Bucky mumbled into your hair, “You’re our girl.”

[dykedvonte]

I find the line "I have to believe our worst moments don't make us monsters." Fascinating because it comes from Anya, and I feel she really proves it the best.

For obvious reasons most people are in the "Anya did nothing wrong" camp and for good reason but there is a single action that I don't think she did well and it was her suicide. Specifically her method.

Realizing that Anya took Curly's painkillers was horrifying to me. As a Nurse I have no doubt that she'd know how terrible dying from overdose is. She had access to a gun which is well known for having a far more instant and far less painful death. And despite everything falling apart around her, knowing how bad Jimmy was, she still left Curly alive.

I don't think I thought about it much like that at first but the longer this game has sat with me the more horrified I am by the action. Curly is man who has been horribly disabled and is completely unable to help himself and he is very much a human being who does not deserve to be anywhere close to that amount of pain. Those painkillers were one that the few things that could give him any amount of relief and Anya took them.

She could have shot herself and left the painkillers for whoever was left to help Curly. She could've shot Curly and then taken the painkillers. She could've shot them both and quickly put an end to their misery, yet she didn't. Anya had a great amount of her agency stripped away from her, to the point that she didn't deem life to be worth it anymore and ended it, right next to a man who couldn't make that choice for himself even if he wanted to.

It is easily her most horrific choice and yet, she's still an angel.

(Please don't take this as Anya slander, I genuinely love her so much. I just find this to be an incredibly interesting thing)

I do subscribe to the idea that Anya realized that Jimmy was hitting Curly when giving him his medicine but didn’t intervene. I also don’t think her taking the pills from Curly as monstrous mainly because (while she knew he suffered worse with out them) she likely also knew they were basically bandaids on a bullet wound.

I have this sort of belief that that statement can only really apply to Jimmy in the inverse. Like some statements in the games aren’t meant to apply to all characters and not in every context of every action they do. It’s the idea that no one should be responsible for Jimmy’s actions but himself but they are forced to by him or the environment. Everyone is experiencing their worst moments but no one is a monster outside of Jimmy due to his inability to take responsibility and how he escalates the severity of the situation through his bad choices. Even then it’s not one moment that makes Jimmy a monster it’s the culmination of every moment that prove his inability to be anything but in this scenario.

With Anya you must remember she did have the code to the gun. Yeah, she could’ve broken it open but who’s to say how easy or how long it would’ve taken. Not to mention, there’s this misconception that she wanted the gun to kill Jimmy which isn’t true. She wanted the gun to defend herself in the case he got aggressive which is an important note of Anya being the only proactive person on the ship vs reactive. Locking the door, knowing there was no way in was likely a duel mercy for them both. A person in his state would die relatively soon without constant care and she has ample time to pass. It’s a hard decision to make for herself and someone else but it was the easiest even if it caused more damage than it was ever meant to cause.

It’s a sort of parallel to how Curly made choices he thought would help Anya and everyone but ultimately doomed them all further. Jimmy got what he wanted in both scenarios of crashing the ship and wanting Anya gone. What happened on the Tulpar will go down as a tragedy if they are ever found, a mystery if not but certainly not in a way that Jimmy wanted. Anya and the pregnancy are effectively gone but he’s still facing the repercussions for it.

There’s this idea that it’s controversial to say that Anya was anything but perfect and while I don’t think she did anything wrong, she certainly didn’t make the best choice in telling Jimmy but that again was because of the situation and environment she was in. We don’t know why she didn’t wait on Curly after their conversation in the cockpit, we know that was the plan and we know Jimmy finding out through her alone was the catalyst to the crash within like the next hour, yet you can’t really blame her. We don’t know why Jimmy came to medical nor what anyone else was doing. It can be considered her one mistake but then again we can’t blame a reasonable action on someone’s unreasonable response.

I think that’s a big aspect a lot of people look over in the characters actions. Most of them are normal, reasonable, human. But the systematic responses to them and Jimmy’s are unreasonably harsh and punishing.

This has gone off in a tangent from what you originally posed but I genuinely think of what might do happened if that confrontation happened with Curly there and away from the cock pit. I assume it’d happen in medical or even utility, hell, an area away from anything sensitive but what if? If the ability to do something awful wasn’t at Jimmy’s finger tips, if there was more than one voice in Curly’s head during that moment, what would’ve changed?

When I look at Anya I see her as having the best responses to anything happening during the events of the game but the environment, systems against her and even the other crew mates to an extent made it so it would inevitably backfire on them and mostly her hard.

[eskir]

a birthday - vil x reader

it’s your day, and vil, as your lover, will seek you out and hopefully throw a birthday party for you if he can help it. he wants you to be happy, so he would’ve already asked what kind of party you’d want. would you like it to be a big one or a small one? simple or brimming to the edge with vibrant colors?

maybe a week, or half a month ago, he would’ve started planning. maybe he’s asked various questions over the years, or observed your reaction to the previous one, but either way he knows your preferences.

at the night, when it’s actually happening, he’ll be decked out in his dorm clothes. he would’ve brought the cake for you and set up the candles if you so wished. if you don’t like cake? then a tart, or whichever pastry or sweet treat you’d enjoy. contrary to the thoughts of others, he doesn’t have a diet for you. sure, he’d recommend healthier foods, but in the end he just wants you to be the best version of yourself, and that means being happy.

soft kisses as you take the first bite of the treat, most likely on your head or hands, congratulating you on your birthday. maybe he’d rub his face against yours, and from there you can see his efforts. he is sparkling, galaxy dust on his eyelids. and if you wished, he would’ve applied similar makeup on you, to make you the true star of the show. and even if he didn’t, he’d still rub your cheeks affectionately with his thumb.

to be honest, he’d also take that time to adjust your clothes, smoothing out wrinkles and giving you that smile again. and then the gathering continues.

he’ll have gifted you makeup supplies, if you use them, and skincare items. but don’t doubt for a moment that he wasn’t thinking about you when buying them. these products are selected with only you in mind and the expert eye that gil has honed over the years.

and at the end of the day, when it’s just you and him in your room, you two can cuddle and he’ll listen to all of your tales. maybe about how this was a great birthday or how it could be better, he’d still listen nevertheless. maybe you’ve never had a birthday party before that made you feel loved, or maybe it’s tales of what you wish for your future.

vil wants to be part of that future with you. but he’s content with the present, offering solace everyday. he tries to make your life beautiful, and so he’s glad that he was a part of your celebration. the small part of his heart also finds pride that he was a portion, however small, that made it enjoyable.

so you can sleep the night away with him if you want, and when dawn breaks? vil surprises you with a nutritious and delicious meal. and apart from all the usual skincare he gave to you as a gift?

he has another gift for you, held with those loving eyes and a soft grin.

and you could feel yourself practically falling back in love with him again.

[francesderwent]

I’ve been on a real Fearless kick lately and it always makes me feel some kinda way about Olivia Rodrigo’s body of work. and not even primarily about her and her talent and her songwriting, just about how different an experience it seems to be growing up as a young millennial woman versus growing up as a young gen z woman. take the total absence of any jealousy/self-image song on Taylor’s debut album or Fearless—because social media wasn’t this omnipresent perfect image factory and so the insecurity of growing up looked more like “Place In This World” or “The Outside”, fundamental experiences of questioning and longing that are deeply connected to our humanity, as opposed to “jealousy jealousy”, “pretty isn’t pretty”, or “lacy” which are founded on an obsession spiral that is literally only possible on that level because of the invention of the smartphone.

look at “Tell Me Why” or “Other Side of the Door” as opposed to “vampire” or “logical”—Taylor’s approach was a very straightforward “you acted this way and this is how it made me feel." it wasn’t until later that she started to make statements about patterns of behavior, because she simply couldn’t see them except in hindsight! she couldn’t say “this is what kind of man you are” or “this is what sort of relationship we had” until she had fully processed what happened—which is when we get songs like “Fifteen” and “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” and “The Manuscript”. but because the younger generation breathes the air of pop psychology buzzwords, Olivia is diagnosing her exes and labeling her relationships right away. and you might say this is a good thing, that young women are armed with terms like “gaslighting” and taught to be suspicious of age gaps because of the power differential. but having the knowledge doesn’t seem to have protected Olivia at all. she still makes all the same mistakes, there’s literally a whole song all about knowing something is a bad idea and doing it anyway. she still dates the older guy, but then she has so many labels readymade to explain why it didn’t feel good that she doesn’t ever actually get down to saying how it felt—because I don’t think she knows. the younger generation acts like processing an experience means figuring out what tiktokified sound bite applies to it and then slapping the label on and moving forward. “my parents were emotionally abusive” “my ex was a narcissist” “my ex best friend gaslit me” etc. but it seems to me that’s skipping some necessary stages of actually processing your shit. “vampire” is Olivia trying to write “Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve” before she’s ever written (or felt) “Tell Me Why”. it’s the difference between “here’s to you and your temper, yes I remember what you said last night / and I know that you see what you’re doing to me, tell me why” on the one hand and “went for me and not her ‘cause girls your age know better” or “master manipulator, you’re so good at what you do” or “you convinced me it was all in my mind” on the other hand.

and another side effect of this, the big names in this younger generation of artists aren’t really writing love songs, and I don’t think that’s accidental. they literally do not have the vocabulary to do so. the psychology buzzwords that go around are all about toxic relationships and red flags. and so, deprived of a way of thinking about being in love, the love songs either fall flat (“I’ll go anywhere he goes and he says I’m so American”) or they simply don’t exist. the open-hearted sincerity of a “Hey Stephen” or “Jump Then Fall” is nowhere to be found.