#but it makes me sad when people are like oh i wish i could read but i don’t have the attention span blah blah
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musashi · 14 days ago
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#gamers dont you love it when a friend breaks your heart#smashes every olive branch you extend toward them#accuses you of being the asshole when you fall apart about it#acts like they are sorry#and then just fully ghosts you 100%?#i am so fucking tempted to just give up man.#every time i meet someone and im like#''oh wait they seem normal? not hyperindividualistic? like someone who will like me always not just when im happy?''#''someone who wants to be my FRIEND not just a person in a discord call with me??''#and then i spread myself so fucking thin investing energy into the friendship#(which this person admitted wasn't even ENOUGH like i am SO EXHAUSTED from traumatic abandonment#and losing friends suddenly#that even me working at my MAXIMUM CAPACITY makes people feel like i don't like them)#every fucking time.#nothing turns out different. no matter how much work i put into it#the SECOND a person has the chance to abandon me. they will.#i am just sitting here with two forces inside of me#one who never wants to give up on love and friendship#and another who is so tired#i wish i could just be exhausted and burnt out#and someone or several someones. would love me anyways. love me enough that EVENTUALLY#i will grow my heart back#and i can love them threefold for all the love they showed me#but no one wants me even when i do have the energy to be a good friend so why the fuck would anyone want me like this#dude i am so sad i wasn't meant to live like this i was meant to make friends. close friends.#i just keep re-reading our last conversation before he ghosted me. maybe if i read it enough i can change the ending
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cetoddle-archive · 7 months ago
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it kinda drives me crazy when people say they don’t read cause they don’t have the attention span like. i understand to a point but i also really do believe reading is good for your brain and part of why people have such trouble with their attention spans is because they don’t read
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thecherrygod · 6 months ago
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#my posts#...........................................................................................................................................#............................................................................................................................................#is that enough i think that's enough#yeah that's how its going#everything's been getting worse and I've been feeling very bad but also very pathetic and like complaining almost makes me feel worse but#i can't do anything else about this so like. vent post lmao bc I'm a dumbass#i truly just want to(redacted)but one of those isn't an option and the other i have a drs appointment soon and i don't want to explain that#everything is just. bad. and what isn't i feel like it's getting bad and it's my fault. and I'm probably right.#just. i hate it here#the deserving mentality is truly getting to me and i fucking hate it. it's not logical. I'll still agree with it.#i truly don't deserve the food stuff i can't keep in my life and i deserve the shit that in getting and i can't stop agreeing with that#'oh this classmate wants to have lunch with me on Saturday after working on something! i should cancel before it's too late-#-so i can continue feeling bad for being an apple bc people should hate me bc I'm horrible and don't deserve kindness' like#it's. it's false. it's not logical. and yet#everyone else there's the fucking plexiglass wall and where it wasn't i think it's getting formed and it is my fault probably#i am annoying that one is true#.... I've been making posts like this all day and deleting them bc I'm pathetic also. it's.#... there's a little too much going on lmao#nothing's worth it and i feel like shit and anything i could try to do about it doesn't work and I'm just tired#... in case someone does read this i know it sounds worrying but nothing will happen tbh I'm just a pathetic coward who's sad and tired#and tired of being sad in a way that feels like it's getting worse#I'm not very sure when was the last time i felt. this bad in just. i don't know how to make it stop lmao#also in already annoying so this is all i can do i think lmao#i think I'm seeing now I'm just. being redundant and if i keep this up too much i will delete this. and i should but. i don't think i will#also without saying much this year the one thing™ has been worse than usual and that's not helping either so it truly is just.#that everything is kinda very bad#.... yeah. whatever. it's just.¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯#... i truly wish killing myself was still an option like when i was a teen bit it's not so i just have to deal with whatever this is#... i hate being aware this is all super illogical bc the logical post of my brain teams up making me feel worse somehow.
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cosmicdenro · 2 years ago
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hope u guys don't mind me being a little queer sometimes and talking to myself in the tags, it helps clear my head since people can filter out rant posts easily
#bc i had not used this place in a while until late 2022 ive absolutely forgotten if i used to talk to myself in tags here before or not#i say this bc i now have people who actively see my art here n just throwing random rants here would be very rude so i prefer tags help#feels safer here too LOL#also feels a little scary but im sure that's normal for many that there are ppl who read all tags mein gott#NOT A BAD THING THAT PPL READ TAGS i wouldn't be writing anything if i wanted to kill people for reading tags lol#just stating observations aheem aheem#its like writing on a public bathroom's walls and people passing by to be like “damn bitch ok” /funny#also do not worry at all about how i express myself i do apologize if my words sometimes sound like im on the brink but like#violence is the only way i love to be expressive HELP#watch me be on the government watchlist for the shit ive said gootbyeeeeeeee#but do not feel worried i will be ok eventually every time. sometimes i just gotta explode oh so violently to deflate and feel normal again#WISH I COULD USE EMOJIS ON THIS DAMN PC#anyway the person im trying my damned to avoid is Sure Making It Difficult#at least the people i wanted to know why i was autotune crying baby for a while heard me out n im alive in that regard finally smile emoji#how long can you keep gently hinting you want to distance yourself from somebody until you lose your goddam mind and feel sweet relief when#they actually leave said group themselves after getting my blunt hints help help#oh i sound so fucking rude with just my side but mein gott i don't care bc it was never a serious thing to begin with#just shot my anger thru the roof for good reason and finalliegh im getting mutual distance from that person lol#never get close with ur fave artists worst mistake of my life /hj for real#u start off loving seeing them every time and then boom youre sad how things turned out every time you see them my god#also make sure ur minor friends dont feel like they need to mend things for the adults i feel so fucking sad for someone bc of this rn but#i talked to them n hopefully they understand aouhg.#anyway back to queer posting thats enough soup for today good god#ranting
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floral-hex · 5 months ago
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real sad boy hours
#why? just ‘cause.#actually I’m here at this chess tournament my brother is entered in. sitting by myself in the lobby waiting for him to finish his last game#and I’m honest to goodness trying not to openly weep. I feel so stupid#hold on. give me a second bc just writing this makes#makes me start crying a little and there are people around#life is too short#I love this kid. I’ve loved watching him grow up. and I’m always ALWAYS aware that everything is passing so fast#will I be here with him next year? will he outgrow all of this?#we don’t hang out as much anymore. he’s got his teenage things going on. his own life.#I don’t know. I’m trying to appreciate these moments as much as I can#it’s hard though. I feel like shit. my head hurts. my tinnitus has been driving me crazy#it’s hard to be present when you’re in a fog#last night in the hotel room we didn’t even really hang out. he just played on his phone until he slept. which is totally his right.#I just… I just hope I’m really appreciating this time#ok now I feel stupid for kind of crying in this hotel while lots of people walk around#i don’t know what more I could even do now. it’s not like I’m allowed to go watch him play or I can do anything but wait#I suppose I have to keep asking myself ‘am I appreciating this enough?’ and if I’m not then try to work on that#life is really shitty right now but I know there have been countless times I wish I’d been more present#so I wake up tired today and drink coffee & 5 hour energy and still I’m tired and my head hurts but I’ve still gotta try. just a little.#in a couple of years he’ll be off to college and have his own life#and it won’t be him and I going to the movies or driving him to school or having dinner together#anyway… juuuuust sad. and lonely. straight up not having a good time#but also I’m glad I’m here if only to hang around my brother a little bit#IAN! stop! god I feel so stupid letting myself wallow like this. it’s not helping. it’s just making me sad. focusing on the negatives.#whatevs. I’ve got major depression. suck my butt. I’m allowed to be sad sometimes.#this weekend didn’t really go like I thought#I guess I expected to read more and shoot the shit with my brother and hang out more but it’s whatever. life happens.#my mental & physical health has been bad for a couple months now so I couldn’t have reasonably expected to suddenly be great just because 🤷🏻#oh well!#text
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watashijeon · 1 year ago
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Mon Ange. | KTH
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listen while reading — Is there someone else The Weeknd
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— I made you mine, or so it seemed. I might as well be two feet tall. You never will love me at all. —
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You’re calling out for his name, nothing can kill this moment. He feels sweetness and ease.. never has he let himself slip. But tonight is his birthday or so it was hours before.
Nonetheless, nothing could kill the stillness.
"Hm?" he’s mumbling with his speech, nose buried into pretty flushed skin. He feels confused, feeling you still when your words came out so blurred in his mind.
“I have to tell you something.”
Completely lost now where this was going, he stills his touch. Awkward and stiff, you make eye contact for what you are about to say.
He doesn’t understand the build up, he just wish you would say what it was. Maybe you had to take some time away from him due to your work.. he understood, he didn’t mind that.
"I think we should end our arrangement."
Oh. It’s so different from what he had just suspected, why does his heart feel like it just plummeted to another oblivion of nothing?
Taehyung doesn’t care, he’s undisciplined and chaotic with his very few next actions.
You need to leave. Freezing up, ready for his immediate impulse, because you know him like the back of your hand. The man picks you right off from his lap, rather rough and he would have time to regret on the meanness of it later.
He’s quick to pointing his hand open palm stiff and stern to the now sad wrinkled dress on the floor that laid lonely.
“Well, go on then.”
Your eyes looked at him pained, you had not a clue what his reaction really meant but you moved. Wiggling on your dress, back faced to him before looking once more to see his distracted stare. He is so out of it now, he doesn’t know.
“You understand.. right, Tae?” oh why must you speak so sweet to him using his shorten nickname in that especially nauseating sweet voice, even the way you are ending this is a million times nicer than he has ever ended a fling with a person.
“I do, bye.”
He’s being so mean, harsh and rude.
Taehyung hopes you won’t dwell on it or let it hurt your heart like it will to his very own.
But somehow he wants it to pain you, make you feel the same burn and ripping he feels in his chest right now. What did he do wrong?
“Goodbye Taehyung.” and that was it, the door clicked and so did his very front one. Left with the forbidden but likely delicious and perfect red velvet cake you’ve made, and a gift that sat perfectly next to it wrapped in his favorite color for wrapping paper on his kitchen island.
And indeed you had to make his favorite cake flavor, meaning you remembered the stupid detail when he told you on a night together.
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
He remembers so clearly on the morning you stayed after for the first time coming over for six months. The two of you had lazed in his bed between tangled limbs and sheets “I will, I will protect you.” your lips dropped into a pout tracing your nimble finger over the man’s jaw.
How could you even say that when you leave him not much later, he doesn’t get it. This isn’t like you at all. Maybe being in pained denial he couldn’t accept the sore fact that someone made the first move on with abandonment.
You weren’t supposed to lie, it’s uncalled for and unacceptable. But even deep down the man knew he was being ignorant, he’s lied to many people to avoid hurt and it was his own field of career to lie if necessary.. that’s all you were trying to do.
The man can’t dare to muster up to think you have a bad bone in your little body that was filled of nothing less of kindness. But right now he won’t be rational with his assumptions.
He’s angry and selfish with dire need for your presence now all over again, no matter the situation that this is. But whatever really, big deal that you are gone. He will find someone else to fuck his life into, you are no different from any other living human with a hole.
He pauses.
Never mind that, fuck that. He deserves a good and perfect reason for why you did this.. leaving him in the dark, quite literally. Taehyung can't stand not talking to you even if he never took time to speak so much into your conversations. He still appreciated all of your efforts and presence you put into whatever what you had was, now it’s all fucking gone.
He used to act upon impulse when he would have multiple play things through out the month. But you, you make him stop to think. It makes him wrinkle his nose because he does not have a clue why you turn him to be this way. It’s simply you being you, no spell.. no great manipulation in your words. Just you.
In the beginning of this arrangement he was reluctant given the age gap, especially with the relation that you were a long time family client of his.
Once he became enthralled with someone.. he could say it took a lot to kill it.
You weren’t the only one that had the privilege, he’s turned thirty two this year and definitely doesn’t have enough fingers to count on with how many girls he has used up and nicely dumped off to the side — kindly.
Sparing the honest reason that he needs to focus on his career before weeks later he would latch claws into his new toy, it’s only painstakingly different now.
Much different because he had never held onto a “toy” for over a few months at a time, the man liked variety and trying new things. With you in the picture, it was sickening at the fact that he grew real attachment to every little thing about you. It made him want you more. While he is nothing great of the sort for you, he was only a warm body to give you what was desired. You gave him your body and time, in return he would give you lust driven pleasure.
He was the one who established what you two were from the great beginning, he was not allowed to feel betrayed and cheated. Someone could hate him and he would cackle at that, a girl could scream at the stoic man and he’d chuckle again. Once you lose his interest there is no winning him back, it's as if getting stuck in a never ending pit of quick sand that could swallow you in pitiful eyes. He thinks it’s valid to feel this way, he’s coming to terms with the whole ordeal of what all this was.
Being your damn family lawyer and you had met him when you were the young age of nineteen, a mere baby. It definitely took some time for him to be ok with the fact that he would end up fucking you almost weekly with your given age — he’s not a pervert.. right? But you were a mature girl as you grew up, he liked you for this reason.. different and good for whatever he wanted and still you set healthy boundaries not letting him walk over your toes.
Time will pass nicely, right? He will be fine and move on — find someone even better. A little reflecting won’t hurt his soul.
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It has been a little over two months since the grouch for a man has seen you, turning slowly into the twentieth century version for Scrooge.
Promising himself each day he would not give in and call you, you will be the one to run back.
He’s been saying that to himself since the day you up and left.. now his very once high and wild ego was now dwindling day by day and he is pissed beyond belief, because wow, wowww. You really did leave him as if he planned to do the exact for you in the beginning of meeting with you, that was before he caught a liking and it was only for your body, of course.
Yes.. that’s what is was. It was only really your gorgeous body that gave him pleasure to see you again and again, never mind the fact of your amazing personality or one of a kind glowing aura that brought a sweet genuine smile on his usual crest fallen features.
Broken from his reverie he’s receiving a call, he’s been sat still buried in his office since six am. It’s how he gets through his days to not think about you or testing the waters of calling.
The phone clicks and clatters, he needs to get himself a new desk phone or better yet just buy another smartphone. Huffing and puffing, he inhales and exhales seeing the caller id.
“Hello, it’s been awhile sir.”
It’s your father, he has to fake a front for the sake of niceties and also being civil because your very own damn dad has been using the Kim’s for any law or business relations since Taehyung was probably born, he’ll complain and grumble later on to a nice white wall of his.
“Oh yes! Things have been crazed.”
Taehyung really wonders about that, a hotel tycoon can only get so wild and crazed.. right?
“Hmm, I understand. What can I help you with.”
“Ah, Mr Kim. let’s get down to it—“ the grinch for a man licks and licks his lips again out of great big habit, becoming nervous of the lingering for just how long it takes this man to get to a point. Many clicks and clattering over the other line.. the older would continue.
“So, I need to talk through some paperwork with you regarding about merging contracts.”
“Go on, sir.” he can’t be this vague.. come on. Shouldn’t he know better than to speak so small about important shit, god help his ticking time bomb for patience being not a virtue.
Ping
If silence could kill it would be deathly here and now, he receives the paper work faxed over. A skim and scan later — Taehyung feels his heart plummet to places beyond his comprehension.
It’s just so now, he realizes your father has been blabbering about whatever this whole time.
“What is this all for?”
His eyes ogle and ogle for more than a few times he could count, reading the bold letters of “Marital License and Contract Briefing.”
“Well if it wasn’t obvious, our dear y/n is going to get married next month. We have set her up with the perfect man who is a well respected hotelier heir, a perfect match for our family.”
Of course.. of course your father would set you up with a person that is in the same position of business as him, you probably had no word or real say in this. God, why does he feel wrath and anger. He wants to rip his hair out straight.
He should be happy for you, your new husband to be probably feels like home in his arms.
So much that he bets he mends you with warm healing long hugs, and utterly disgusting kind smiles that remind you of honey mixed into sweet vanilla, your very two favorite things.
He continued to offer your father a tight-lipped smile as if he could see him through the phone, briefly looking up from the contracts on his computer screen — faxed papers sitting nice and crisped on his desk. He thinks it’s best he ends this call now before he yells off.
“Ok sir, I’ll look over them and we will discuss the terms and things that will be strewn.”
“Oh that is great to hear! I invite you over tomorrow for tea, we will discuss all of the paperwork then. Yes?”
He won’t allow himself to think about that, he will agree just to get off this damn phone call.
“Yes sir, I’ll see you then, good night.”
Click.
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He’s here, he can’t believe he actually came.
Sat in the way too high ceilings for a living area, he will blame it on why he feels this nauseated. God, he knows you live here obviously. It’s been your parents odd and traditional rule until you were ready to move out when they thought it was best, you always said that was why you still stayed with them. What he didn’t know was the bizarre underlying conditions were marriage.
“Ah Kim, here we are.” The meeting begins and ends with the blink of an eye.
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It went awful in Taehyung’s eyes, he really didn’t want to hear about you getting married off for a great three hours. It left the man wanting to seethe and bite his mouth off until the older would finally shut up to take a puff or sip of liquor.
Then on he tried to laugh with your father.. even when it felt as if pearly teeth might crack with only how hard his jaw flexed shut.
Your father welcomes the man to stay over for only awhile longer, he won’t accept it, kindly.
He has to get going.. because someone (Taehyung) couldn’t handle on what all just happened. While the hag of your father thought it was a good idea to step out and take a call.
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15 minutes before
It’s been minutes now and your father isn’t back, Taehyung decides to dwell around with his eyes to gawk at the various family portraits hung from generations before and other astray framed photographs of little you and family.
He has the urge to trace his finger along the frames but he won’t, definitely not now.
“Tae..?”
Like clockwork, Taehyung’s head cocks in nanoseconds to the spiraled staircase you stood by, gripping on the bar to keep stance.
You look gorgeous right now, still the same as before. He can’t help but let his eyes trail over your legs, he’s no better than any other man. He decides he can’t stare for much longer though, clearing his throat to cock his head off to the side in mimicking a fake neck crack.
“Hello.” he decides on, licking lips for the trillionth time and resting hands into pockets.
Your stare doesn’t stutter elsewhere, you copy him yourself — licking lips except only slower and more tantalizing. Or that’s how he sees it. He hated confrontation, one of his favorite things about you though.. is you’d ask too many questions every time you were around. He’d act like he hated it, but bathed in the attention and attentive wide eyes you once had all for him.
It’s only none of the many questions you’d ask would ever provoke the man to deflect, bother him up the wall and make him drop you soon later in his own sheer annoyance like usual. It’s happened to others, he’s an asshole but he could care less because at least he is honest.
Seeing you now gives him bitter sweetness for deja vu, the memory to when he saw you for the first time when you were eighteen — never having an ounce of interest in you then. You were a pesky teenager though, ogling the man like sweet candy for your taking. Nothing unusual he hadn’t encountered before.. only ever moving forward to do his job and ignore it.
That helped some.
Both of you finally interacted properly then when you were twenty, clear that you had matured fast and you were well with holding good conversation. While.. your dear father ran around with his head cut off like a chicken and leaving a bored lawyer Kim to wait for set business meetings to be done, you were lovely company at least.
Then somehow.. something happened, the day where he took your virginity in your childhood bathroom — it was your 21st birthday after all.
It was almost too universal how the world wanted you two to be alone at this awful time. But the moment happened so fast maybe too fast if he wants to dwell on it now, only once comforting the weeping girl that trembled in his arms to have you seconds under his grasp.
You had to, just had to look down at him with those puppy dog eyes choking a mere sob of “Am I not important.. is that what it is Tae?”
God he hated how you said his name, so sweet and quiet. Full of vulnerability and sadness.
He couldn’t allow a pretty girl like you, sobbing over something so minuscule on her birthday, he had a great plan of course. Comfort? No.
Fuck the sadness out of you, it will do you well.
It’s shameful at how he’s too old for your young sweet heart that still had much to see and live.. he’s nothing but rotten fruit at best.
But why did he want to stay selfishly so.
Your eyes did it in for him, they always did..
Corny and sappy he thinks.
He tries to move on with the passing thoughts of why do you need to be claimed now when he was starting to think he could have tried. He hopes you had at least one passing thought yourself of the what ifs and hows.
Present
All but nothing of silence settles between the two of you, no words are exchanged past that.
Eventually steps dissipate further from him to hear, you leave after the stare off you both shared — thankfully your father interrupts.
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It’s been a few hours since you last saw him, you knew way before he was going to dial your phone. Doing exactly this, after your third attempt to ignore the countless calls you press accept to hear the expectant drawl of your name in stupor.
You’re sure he’s grinning dumb and widely boxy, almost as if youth takes over for these very small tipsy minutes. His vulnerability is clearly yours now, it’s so viable at how bad he is vying for attention.
You prepare yourself, clearing your throat and speaking as clear and stern as one could be.
“Hello?”
“Hmmmhmm, hello.”
There’s a pause, awkward, but he’s drunk so he likely doesn’t recognize the rising tension.
“Yes, Taehyung?”
There’s a giggle..? Oh my god he just giddily giggled at your voice. No, no your heart isn’t doing backflips — you’re just concerned.
“At your door, open sesame.” you can hear him try to knock like a madman — even if there’s visibly a buzzer that’s meant to be there so insiders could hear from the size of your parent’s insanely huge home.
Drunk Taehyung doesn’t know that though.
Fuck well, ok you guess. Thank god your father isn’t home for the night — you begin to panic but you can dissolve situations fine, it’s your strong suit or one of the many of them at least.
You practically lunge from your bed to tumble over down the stairs, trying to keep him half entertained while you tunnel yourself to the door before the maids could see the odd sight.
Being quiet as you can be with unlocking the door, Taehyung makes it no issues to pull a dramatic scene. Already seconds in through the door staring you down, like any other would be scared of the predatory stare.
But this is Taehyung, he would never hurt you.
All you can do, Slowly watching him advance at you skittering back until you’re pressed to the wall. He doesn’t touch you, leaned against the victorian wall with each hand on either side trapping you between him.
He won’t stop there yet, drawling your name out in a drunken purr “Aw-huh. Angel, you got yourself stuck..what are we going to do now?" like no moral was ever created — toes curled into wooden floors from the deep baritone voice awakening all of your weaken senses.
You try, trying so damn hard and ignore it.
Staring hard into empty eyes, his bags are awfully visible and you wonder if he’s even slept lately.
You’re so tiny and frazzled by his abrupt actions, feeling him slide a warm hand up to your stomach to trail barely under your tits. The same said empty eyes sharpen at your slip of a pathetic whine, closing you into the wall a tad too close for comfort to make you both bump into each other’s chest.
“Wanna fuck this pretty cunt again.”
His words boom into you everywhere, from head to toe and places you wouldn’t like to acknowledge that throbbed with need. Doomed, definitely, that’s what you are.
You can only exhale feeling a warm shiver travel down your spine from the daring slip of drunken tongue. Able to pull enough strength to squeak a soft response “L-let’s lay down.”
It was your best bet to avoid from ruining your impending future, you won’t allow no more mishaps to happen. It’s all for your father.
He settled off with a hum, you were surprised he’d backed off. Maybe the man recognizing the nervousness in your tone, “Lead the way.”
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It’s quiet now, too tense for your liking but you can’t do anything you think to help the off situation. Laid in your bed next to each other with a foot of space between your bodies.
It’s uncanny how alike this situation reminds you of some movie you watched with the man.
You feel like you’re steps away from saying the infamous line of “Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off.”
You won’t have a second to think longer when the big bear decides to speak up into the unknown of silence that had lasted for a long hour, “I get it.. yeah, you don't love me, big fucking deal.”
Silence, absolutely nothing back.
“I’ll never tell you how I really feel, angel.”
Your breath was being held for seconds until he decides to follow with cockiness, there it is.
Always showing a slip of vulnerability followed with the man being plain rude. It’s the way your eyes roll that cause a gasp to stutter from him, almost like he didn’t expect your attitude nor harsh yet honest reaction.
He won’t comment on it properly, never does.
“Hold me.” he mumbles while simultaneously grumbling, trying his definition in hard to get you closer than whatever.. this is. Your brow ticks at him head shifting to properly face his pouted features from his side profile, feeling up for the need to deny him only a bit.
“What? Stop mumbling.”
He won’t take a pause this time, thankfully.
“Hold me goddammit.” he huffs and puffs out even louder — yet incoherently all in the same breath. Taehyung coughs, trying to clear his throat and mocks you with a roll in his own eyes of annoyance, like you did something.
That time you did “hear” him and you did what was asked by the big grizzly bear, only you turned to him closer now — seeing that wry smile on his cruel but godforsaken pretty face.
The spiral begins, you and him are going to give into this hell of fire.. only letting it grow uncontrollable by the end of night.
Are you going to do well without me?
Are we ever going to be okay?
Will we ever be fine?
You were too good to be forgotten in his heart.
It was too quiet in this room, silent and tense.
Taehyung felt nothing but regret, fucking stupid as he closed his eyes and mumbled these pitiful words.
Stupid, as he continued to speak gibberish into the room. I feel stupid. I am stupid.
You finally give up on the swallowing of the never ending silence and endless mumbling under his breath, tongue dry trying to clear your throat so to maybe finally speak — maybe even summon him back, and he does. It works because he lets his eyes finally open back.
You tug him into your chest wasting no more time when there’s not much, arms wrapped tight around his stiff figure that takes only just a minute to loosen once he realized you weren’t going to push him back anymore.
It’s not much different though, his nails still pierced into his forearm with thin lips folded into teeth to feel anything but what this is right now. You were staring at him, Taehyung, your father’s lawyer, your first crush and realization that you really only like and desire older men.
Now wishing you’d rather have gone to therapy instead of pursue that day in the bathroom.
You don’t mean that actually, you just hate yourself at this very moment and so does he.
But this wasn't the Taehyung you knew, wasn't the same man with styled hair and sultry eyes.. looking now as real life death in your arms.
You weren’t trying to be harsh nor hateful, you were worrying your heart out and confirming all the racing thoughts you have figured to be maybe going on. Only for them to come to life. He looks unreal tonight, almost unnatural from his usual sun kissed skin. No more sharpness to his look, the man looks fucking sick.
You want to coddle him to death, your own heart feels like it’s going to lurch right out from it’s chest by any second now if he keeps looking at you with those sad puppy dog eyes. This was not the look you yearned to see, you hated it all so much.
“Well.” clearing his throat, trying to prove something into air. Maybe it’s a lawyer instinct.
You repeat back to him without a beat to really think, “Well..” you use the same tone of voice but maybe yours wavered more in raw pain. The man wordlessly continued to stare like always, holding your hand tight in his grip in bringing it up to his lips. You should reject his warm touch, leave even, run far.
But why are you still laying here.. melting away.
He was being this gentle and just careful, you would giggle if the situation weren’t tense now.
Long fingers playing with lips, digits ghosting over your cheek with a soft caress. You can’t help but shut your own tired eyes, melting more and more and it was just like that.
His control is gone, so fast and fluidly when your lashes fluttered to cold skin. Whispering his name too sweet and soft almost in prayer.
"We can’t.. it would be wrong.” it’s insane how you knew his intentions from the speed his hands traveled to the material of your night dress.
"So fucking wrong," he becomes almost too ready with heavy pants of hot breath kissing your jaw and neck.
Eager calloused thumbs rubbing circles into your hips that were on the brink of trembling.
You whine at the tone he uses, becoming easy to his invasion "Don't.. don't speak like that." Eyes heavy lidded, lips licking with each breath that exhaled from your stuttering chest.
He wants you dead it seems, feeling up your body more and more by every passing second before easy fingers would get to your chest.
"I'm wrong like that.. you like it," the man preaches with determined digits this time skimming back down onto your hips to hear his favorite strangled whines "you want it.”
"Ah.. T-tae” it’s pathetic.. sounding asthmatic in your own ears from mere fingers grazing you rough.
"Who's married? Certainly not you, yet."
You pause to mull it over, eyes falling into his.
He truly doesn’t care now, past gone. Nothing can stop this — you need him.. your sweet eyes tell almost all too fucking well for him to know.
He's moving on autopilot when he pulls you to him with no awareness of anything around him, the man frenzied with his only living goal to feel you wrapped around him. Whether it be with loose limbs or his all well endowed cock buried deep between warm tightness, he needed to feel you again.
Your gasps fall out too soft to be surprised at the sudden roughness, murmuring whining moans that fell into a mantra of "We can't..” tiny cries that quickly later start falling into hungry kisses while neither of you had an ounce of intention to stop, no matter the end of it.
Lips already collided against each other in a perfect mess of motion, tongues lolled out of your mouthes as the pleasure binds you both.
It’s disgusting now, strings of drool dribbling to your chest from every pause he took to pull and nip. The man grabs your scalp, yanking you head back against his shoulder. Jaw slack open to give him the prettiest mouth for him to gladly spit right down onto your tongue, so pathetic all for his demise.
Doing all the nothing but moaning and swallowing, open mouth with all your might.
Leaving a desperate plea in sparkly eyes while you wait impatient for his next move, you missed him. Eyes yearning and lips quivering, legs shaking so early on and yet.. your spine just might go limp quite soon.
You whine almost instantaneously and nothing less of desperate while the devious man began to nibble harshly down on your neck with small bites of love.
Moving on nothing but anger and bubbled feelings at surface, shoes being removed, with the stubborn zipper of your night dress slipping down from your shoulders as hungry lips explored every inch of skin that became exposed.
So quick, licking a wet stripe down your chest to stomach to feeling you shake with desire and need, tasting the want for you on his tongue.
“Hmm, your poor husband to be.”
He hated that, hated the fact that you were about to belong to someone. He knew he wanted and needed you to feel the burn that he had been feeling for months since then.
"I'm not t-telling," you can barely form a sentence let alone a proper sound that didn’t make you sound out to be like a deprived slut.
The man can’t do much other than scoff, you having the strength to use that reassuring tone— with such a soft tone and bat pretty doll eyes in lost of such easy pleasure given.
Looking this fucking gorgeous and it’s going to be all for someone else, not him ever “I know angel, not with the way i’m about to fuck you.”
Like clockwork you moan like a bitch at that, of course. Feeling him sink razor sharp canines down into the squishy flesh of your stomach.
Uncaring completely for the fresh marks, he would hope in your future meeting with that man.. you wouldn’t become so easy to show yourself off for him. Sliding his fingers from your stomach down over to your cunt, slipping long digits between sopping wetness — sticky as if you already had touched yourself earlier.
He’s growing impatient, on the aspect of stretching you out when he so gladly craves to stuff you four fingers full. But he’s a gentleman at his very best, always calling out for him in non-stop “T-tae..” or better yet “Touch me, I’m sorry, I’ll be good.” without any doubt he would answer “Anything for the angel.”
Your thighs already shake from the burn of /slowly/ fucking yourself on long fingers. Tears streaming, overwhelmed by the burning stretch that comes with each motion, soon quiet sniffles and soft gasps turn into sobbing when the man decides to snake his hand and start to tease and slowly circle your clit.
“So perfect, all for me, hm.”
You nod eager to please, blushing all the way down to your toes. Biting your lip, thoughts not holding very well against the feeling of the eager man’s middle finger now slipping out from you to part your cunt and stroke along the sore slit.
“Patient tonight? You must want it bad.” he sighs almost sounding bored, standing tall over you to undo the belt that once looped through his slacks. Long gone leather abandoned to the floor along with his slacks pooled at his ankles, ready, finally.
“You gotta be nice and quiet for me. Yeah? Can you do that for me?”
You’re way past desperate tonight, choking out a broken “Y-yes, fuck! Please.” wild hips winding up for more of the now lost touch.
The older plays coy, smirking lopsided and lazy, kneeling on the bed to line himself up to the pretty plump cunt. Long digits wrapped around his cock, "Open up for me baby."
She obeys immediately, legs opening wider to shakily wrap themselves around Taehyung’s waist. His hips up to slip his cock into the crease of your folds. Grinding there half tipsy now, leaky tip nudging at your clit.
Not wasting another second, the first push of stretch has you whining his name. Long nails piercing into taut honey skin, cock fucking in ruthless at the long thrusts that heat your core up, forming sweat down his neck and shoulders.
“Goood fucking girl.” He drawls with a husky moan, you want to die at how fucking hot he sounds.
He doesn’t care, going faster to no point of being coherent in your mind. Punishing strokes fucking the life out of you, snapping his cock right into your tight cunt. One hand bruised into your hip while the other slipped easily around your neck just enough to have you alert “Look me in the eyes when I’m fucking you.”
Lashes fluttering half open, looking with a fuzzy minded daze. Knowing you look like a slut, feeling drool drip everywhere along with the slickness between your legs. Coming to the reality you would let him do anything and you’d welcome it.
"Just like that baby, shit, taking my cock so fucking good," he grunts almost feral with every punishing stroke "Y-yes, " tiny voice choking out, slamming into you with hips winding harder if that was even humanely possible "Love it so much, I-love your cock.”
“Who’s a whore, uh? Who’s desperate for cock.”
“Tell me.” he growls slowing the roll of his hips into you to pull a desperate cockslut spill a mess of “Me, me, me.” you’re hyperventilating almost with how good he feels “M-me, I’m sorry!” god, the situation is a mess but he wouldn’t be lying if he wasn’t thinking about filling his load in you and pray to the man above that your birth control didn’t work.
feeling walls grow tighter and tighter, knowing the telltale signs you were about to cum.
“Perfect fucking girl, sucking me so tight.”
“S-stop..” you whine in embarrassment with a broken sob when you feel the devil himself sink deeper, balls deep inside you now.
Back and forth, back and forth.
An addictive dance, once friendly boundaries expanding to something that was speaking what will stay unspoken. Taehyung’s cock sliding so good inside your cunt you were dying with bliss for the night.
He can see you struggle to try and put a hand over your mouth, but the man won’t allow that. Snatching your hand in his grasp “Let her hear," he growls, referring to the maids and starts to fuck the life out of your cunt with no care for how loud you moan or scream.
"Y-your slut," you stutter, feeling him start to raise his hips to meet your weak attempt of grinding back, thrusting upward and matching your sloppy speed. "wanna b-be your slut."
His ego growing higher than before and dick hard as ever, Taehyung taunts, already knowing the answer by your dazed features.
“Oh yeah?” he pants grunting with every roll of his hips, and you can do nothing but give him what he wants. On the brink of tears you whine out broken moans, “So fucking bad, please Tae.”
“Come on." the taller’s strokes turning slow and hard, each one pulling a moan from sweet agape lips. "Cum on my cock.” you’re past coherent, cock drunk with drool slipping down your chin.
The ecstasy bursting through your body at an unimaginable rate,legs feel almost numb, smaller fingers gripping your sheets so hard. Taehyung already knew you would rip them off the corners of your bed, seeing how your own skin burned. Orgasm still sending ripples throughout your tiny body. Shaking as you came down from the high, cock buried deep, cum spilling inside as he keeps your body pressed together, skin to skin. His nose buried in the crook of longer sweaty strands of hair.
You begin to feel the feather kisses he mouthed over the expanse of your neck, his body quivering with the last of his cum filling you up.
“Fuck, yeah, ok.” is all he can do to respond, you can only hum in response as you’re being fucked so mind-numbingly good. Body moving along the bed as you’re fucked open for the year.
Your blissed-out state has the man feeling on top of the world, no case he’s won ever given him this much ecstasy for this feeling of high.
Knowing that the same woman he's been getting off to for months, that was only planned to be handed over to someone else is finally getting fucked. His pretty not so sweet angel drooling all for him, ruined for good by just his cock.
The floaty feeling back to how it was, only stronger than ever, the way Taehyung feels so right up against you.
He comes from his feverish moment of just drilling into you, no awareness for how overwhelming it may be. A smaller hand trying to grab his hand to make him stop, he sees nothing less of rage.
"Move your fucking hand.” he snaps with a hiss, snatching your hand in an iron like grasp.
“only I can touch you like this.” he states, hard and stern as if it’s a plead mixed into question. “Yeah?” of course he has to slap you for you to answer, braindead and cock hungry.
“Yes, all for you!” you squeal, body curling into yourself — he begins to dwell how there is not a real thought behind your eyes but his fingers and cock bearing your only passable thoughts.
He wants to laugh, your poor husband is about to be inadvertently about to be cucked.
You moan at how rough he’s being, every yank, spanking and slap getting you more than riled up. Rambling the typical ‘I love you, I love your cock.’
He’s aggravated, not sure why, deep down knowing. "Look at me and tell me what you want.” no way to receive an answer unless he squeezed a generous hand around your throat.
“Y-you, you, fuck!”
It’s not enough, he wants to laugh at his greediness that will not sate him ever.
Again and again, back and forth. Another slap landed across each apple red cheek, going harder each lashing.
“Again.”
You repeat yourself again, hm, still not enough.
He’s done with himself, frustrated and choosing to vomit his words.
“You’re mine, get that through your fucking head.” his thrusts were past hard and fast, bruising now. He grunted and groaned while you continued to moan and whimper beneath him, going so rough he decided to push your skull deep into the bed. Warm palm covering your face whole, feeling you squeeze involuntarily at being used like an object.
“Atta girl.” He didn't stop, not once. You weren’t asking to anyways just screaming his name for more — no mind here with nodding away into a mess full of bedsheets, trying to wind wobbly hips back on his cock to bounce lewdly.
Taehyung does nothing less but snap sharply against your ass, “So fucking tight, mine."
"C-cum in me tae," you moan, seeing white, reaching down blindly to rub your clit in frantic circles, begging at the idea of the older filling you with his cum. "Fill me up, give-give me a baby."
"Fuuuck," Taehyung growls and groans almost feral "Don't fucking say that shit."
"W-why not?" bratty whines beg “F-fill me up? Don't say that?"
Taehyung grunts, pulling you on him, chest to chest, you clamor to wrap shaky arms around his neck. Fuck, he’s holding you upright, bouncing you straight onto his cock. Falling forward with a squeal, crying in pleasure as the tip of his cock hits your cervix with how deep he is inside.
"Want my cum so fucking bad?" he hums, trying his best to sound unbothered. "I'll fucking give it to you then."
Your legs clamp around his waist as he pounds into you, cock hitting every point inside your body and you’re so close you think you’ll die. You feel Taehyung tense, and then a sudden gush of warmth fill you.
"Fuck me, angel. You feel so good." he gasps through l shut teeth spanking you with every thrust he gave.
At the feeling of him actually listening to what you always wanted, your orgasm blinds you in intensity, the tight coil in your stomach finally snaps. Body seizing, moans loud against his lips, whining a final tired cry to slow down.
The baby clip once stuck to hair now hung loose, the feeling of warm hands kneading hips before he would give harsh slaps to your ass.
"What do you think he would say," he spits out the name with nothing but disgust. “if he saw you like this?" He shifts his hips, "You think he'd ruin your orgasm?" tone patronizingly sympathetic. “Or.. let you cum so prettily, like you always do.”
He tsks at watching how disoriented daze eyes go through the five stages of grief. Writhing in pleasure as eyes fall closed, breath hitched when he finally lays you back down on the bed. Thighs sticky and all, he sighs at the sight.
“Want to show this cunt off to the world."
“Y-you can’t..” you pout, his eyes watching you fall apart all over again at just words being spoken to you.
“Good thing for secrets.” he smirks his mouth almost falling into a snarl, it wasn’t even spoken this would continue. One last time you agreed.. but you want him more than ever even if your situation is doomed.
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“Bath?” he mutters with a whisper of soft kisses to your temple, you nod.
He grabs for his cigarettes, you hand him his lighter and wait until the deed was done so you could put them back off to the side again.
It’s been long since you both have took a bath together. He stretches his arms after he successfully calmed his nerves, you light the stick for him, eyes on him as he throws his head back to inhale. Blowing smoke out, body lazing while it filled with nicotine.
You like calm men, men who dont shout or break things when they’re upset. Men who talked to you in a gentle, low voice telling you what made them mad or what you did wrong.
That’s what Taehyung is to you, that’s what made you fall.. hard. You think it over all again in your current predicament, comfortable as ever.
Veiny caramel hands pulling your hips up in the bath for you to be settled nicely. A warm hand fondles your ass lovingly with his other taking puffs of smoke to inhale and exhale lazily, “My pretty girl.” he smiles lopsided before tugging your wobbly hips back down in relief, enjoying the way you whimpered and whined in your own way of retaliation.
Taking mercy before planting a wet kiss on your shoulder to whisper “I love you, Angel.”
Both of you decide on staying silent. Your back rests against his chest, deciding mutually to speak once the cigarette burnt into ashes.
“Does he make you feel safe, like I do?”
You don’t answer.
“I want you, you’re mine no matter what.”
≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾
You are married now.. being due with a fast wedding to no love involved, business as the main goal.
The meets with Taehyung continue and you two make time to fuck when you can — poor Namjoon.
It hurts he thinks.. hurts so bad. Because he’ll have to look at you every month when you come over to be fucked into whatever.
While he is out handling business, leaving him in the spot to fuck you hard and good like he can’t, at least he tried to convince himself of that for his own comfort.
You keep up with the old routine of pillow talk, just to feel the same mundanity this once all was. You think, he doesn’t care what you speak of after he only just poured his dull sad soul into fucking you.
Not caring at how you talk so highly of your new husband and how well you both are adapting with each other. Rambling all on about your blossoming relationship with him, hearing you nervously speak of the plans on having kids together.
Of course not nervous on his behalf, no, no.
Because you are deathly nervous about if you will be a good mother or not, he knows you will, even if things are like this. You think it doesn’t hurt him, when you say genuinely on how he’ll be the “Cool friend of Mommy’s” to your children.
It drives a knife deep into my heart on how you speak so highly of this new life, how well you are adapting. When.. we could have had this.
“Tae..? You there?”
He’s not caring to respond to your rhetoric question that was all well laced of genuine care and worry, Taehyung can be an asshole just this once.
“Do you know what you are?”
You think this is a game of teasing now, he can tell with that pretty smirk plastered on your gorgeous face “What am I, sir?”
It’s too bad that he’s being genuinely serious.
“You’re my girl.”
You don’t take a second to pause, you play into the narrative with a grin that quickly warped into an innocent and sweet smile.
“I’m your girl, Taehyung.”
He only knew that you meant the world to him.. and he, adored you in his mind until it hurt.
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yamumsyadadd · 8 days ago
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mariquita
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“Y/n? I want to introduce you to some people. This is Alexia and this is Jenni. They have adopted you and will be taking you home in a few days. Does that sound good?” 
“Home?” 
“Yeah, Pequeño, home with us.” The tall dark haired one spoke. She had a nice smile, calm, safe. The other one looked how you felt uncomfortable, anxious, wishing the world would swallow you whole. 
Over the next few days, Jenni and Alexia had more visits to the group home, eventually taking you home to your new home. It was an apartment, near the beach. It was light and airy, clean and tidy, but not lacking warmth, photos of them on the walls, other people, people you could only assume was their family. 
“Do you want to see your room cari?” You nodded shyly, following their lead up the hallway. 
“This is the bathroom” pointing to a door on the left, “this one is the laundry, you won’t need to worry about that though.” Oh but you would. How else would you have clean clothes?
“That one at the end of the hall is mine and Jenni’s room. You can come in at anytime okay? This, this is your room.” 
It was big. A big bed in the corner of the room with clean, soft bedding. A bookcase in the other corner, a toy box and a desk. 
“All by myself?”
“What?”
“I sleep by myself?” 
“Yes cari. This room” Jenni motions around, “this is all for you. We will need to go shopping and buy some clothes for you. We can buy you more toys or books. Whatever you want.” 
“No thank you. I have my bag.” A sad look was shared between the two adults while you walked around   Observing but never actually touching anything. 
“Do you want to watch TV? Jenni is going to make dinner. We can watch TV or play? Whatever you want.”
“I can help clean? I’m good at that. You can show me where everything is and I’ll clean.” 
“No y/n. You don’t need to do anything like that here. We are the adults, you’re a child. You get to be a child here okay?” 
You didn’t believe a word coming out of Alexia’s mouth. Adults say things like that all the time but then change their mind, it would only be a matter of time before they did. 
Secretly, you took note of where everything went. Where the dishwasher tablets were, the laundry detergent, the mop and vacuum. You were sure going to clean up whatever mess you made. A child is to be seen and not heard right? 
That’s exactly what you did, after every shower, after every meal, after reading or playing the next thing you would do is clean up. You kept everything exactly where it was when you came so neither Jenni or Alexia would get mad. 
—————————————————————————
When they took you to training for the first time it was very overwhelming. Jenni was excited, alexia was more cautious. You were much like alexia, shy, introverted and uncomfortable in big crowds. 
“Amor, stop. She looks scared, just let her calm down a little?” Alexia pulled Jenni aside after trying to introduce yet another teammate to you. The way you picked your fingers and your eyes were wide with fear, she could tell you were uncomfortable. 
It didn’t get any better over the next few weeks and ultimately they both decided it would be better if Alexia’s mami looked after you. That was horrible. The entire time you were there you cried, afraid they wouldn’t come back for you, so much so that you made yourself sick and Eli called them to come back. 
“Hey, hey, Cari. It’s okay. Jenni and I are here.” The scene they walked into broke their heart. You were sat in a corner, rocking yourself back and forth covered in your own sick. Alexia didn’t care, she pulled you into her arms, rocking yourself side to side. 
“She thought you left her, for good.” Eli spoke up, rubbing a hand up and down alexia’s back as she soothed you. 
—————————————————————————
The next few months went the same, while you came out of your shell at home and around a few of the girls, as soon as it was a bigger crowd you retreated. Climbing into either alexia’s lap or Jenni’s and shoving your head up their shirts. Not once did that complain even though you were stretching out their shirts. 
Slowly though, the family that was built started getting ripped apart. Alexia and Jenni tried hard not to fight in front of you but you could hear them when you were up late at night cleaning your room and secretly reading. 
“They fight a lot.” You said to no one in particular as you licked your ice cream. 
Leila and Mapi shared a look over your head, “who do pequeño?” 
“Mami and mama. They think I’m sleeping but I’m not. I hear them. I bet they are fighting right now and that’s why you took me for ice cream before dinner. That’s not allowed.” A silent pause happened before you spoke up again, “Ice cream is bad for adults, mami says you have to run extra when mama eats it.” 
They both realised how perceptive you were. You were quiet, but even at the age of six you knew when things were wrong and boy were they wrong. 
Mami and mama kept fighting and you kept getting sent with Tia Alba or Abuela but on the extra bad days it was Leila and Mapi. Leila and Mapi were the best, always giving you ice cream, buying you the colourful cold drinks and the little toys from the arcade but it added to your mami and mamas fights. 
“You’re not taking her with you Jennifer! Her whole life is here!” 
“Then what do you want me to do? Abandon her with you?” Their fight had been going for a long time, you were supposed to be in your room playing with the new barbies that Mapi got but the yelling was being too loud that you couldn’t think about it anymore. So there you were, sat in the hallway listening to them fight. 
When they finally stopped was when they noticed you, hands over your ears and tears streaming down your face, Alexia all but ran to you, scooping you up and laying you in bed. She stayed with you all night, and many more nights after that. 
From that day on they weren’t fighting with you there, but you knew they were still fighting. When Leila came and got you from the crèche that the club set up for you, you knew something was very wrong. Leila’s face was red, like yours after you cried. 
“What’s wrong lele?” You cupped her face as she bent down to hug you. 
“Nothing princesa. Let’s get some ice cream yeah?” You nodded excitedly, waving goodbye to the carers and pulling Leila out of the room. 
It took a few weeks to find out what the problem was. Your mami was crying a lot and sleeping in bed with you instead of with mama. You overheard some of the bigger girls talking, “Jenni’s going to Paris.” You knew who Jenni was, obviously, your mama but you didn’t know what Paris was. 
So when you got home that night, naturally you asked but that caused yet another argument. 
“Mami didn’t tell me! Don’t yell at her no more! It was pats who said it but she didn’t know I was there cause I wasn’t supposed to be.” You stood up on your chair at the dinner table, trying to make them stop fighting. 
“Cari, sit down.” Alexia motioned for you to sit but you crossed your arms and frowned. 
“Stop fighting and I will.”  
“Fine.” So you sat. Arms still crossed and glaring at your mami. 
“pequeño, I am going to Paris, but I won’t be gone forever.” 
“Just for a sleepover?”
“No pequeño, for a little longer than a sleepover. You know how mami and mama play for Barça?” You nod, of course you knew that. “Well, I’m going to go play for a club in Paris, like Barça.” 
“Are they better than Barça?” You heard your mami scoff. 
“No, maybe with my help they will be.” 
“Are you going to get a new mami and new me?”
“No! Never pequeño. No one can replace you or mami. And I’ll come visit, and mami will bring you to me whenever we can. Okay?” 
“No.” 
“No?” Jenni shared a look with Alexia. Unsure how to proceed. 
“You’re going to a new place, a new team with new lele and Mapi and-and that means a new me and mami.” You pushed your plate as hard as you could, watching it slide off the other side of the table and then you ran as fast as your little legs could take you. Climbing into the box in your wardrobe to hide. 
“Cariño?” Your mamis voice was loud. She knew your favourite hiding spot and that you’d be in there now. “Mi vida. Can you come out please?” 
A tiny “No” was heard, muffled by the extra blankets that were kept in that box. 
“I need to talk to you but I can’t do it when you’re hiding.” Slowly you came out, not fully removing yourself from the box, just your head. 
“Mama isn’t going to replace you okay? There is only one y/n Hermoso-Putellas and that’s you.” 
“But-“
“No buts bebé. Mama is feeling a little upset, do you think you can go talk to her? Cheer her up?”
You got out quickly, leaving behind a trail of blankets and one of your socks, barreling into your mama and apologising over and over again. 
—————————————————————————
That’s how the next year went, you’d go every few weeks with Tia Alba to Paris or mama would come visit you, but she never slept in her bed with mami and they never talked about anything but you. Abuela said it was because mami and mama weren’t together anymore but they still loved you all the same. 
Then mama came back to Spain but not back to you or mami. It made you both sad. Because you started big school, you barely got to see mama and that made you have a lot of big feelings. 
You made mami cry a lot because you weren’t very nice to her and Abuela said it hurt her feelings but no one ever asked about your feelings. Lola asked though, after you ran away from mami she caught you like she catches the balls. 
“Mi Princesa, what are you doing running away from your mami like that?” Her spare hand coming to tickle your stomach. 
“I don’t like her!” 
“Woah that’s not a nice thing to say, is it?” You shook your head and frowned. “Wanna tell me why?” 
“She made mama leave. Mama leaved me and mami and now she won’t come home. They are supposed to kiss like used to but they won’t no more.” 
Unbeknownst to you, Alexia and Jenni were both behind you, listening to everything you said. 
“No bebé! No, Mami didn’t make me leave. I promise. Mami and I love each other still but in a different way.” 
“Not Like tia alba and Mapi? More like me and lele?” You asked, slightly confused. 
“Yes, just like that. Wait alba and Mapi?” 
“They was kissing each other like you and mami used to when we got ice cream.” 
Lola put you down, realising that you’d just shared a very big secret that Alexia now needed to go deal with. They agreed you would spend the night at the hotel with Jenni before she left again the following morning. 
Mami, Tia Alba and Abuela had a fake Christmas to celebrate with you since you were going to Madrid to be with mama and her family. Madrid was a long way away, Mami said it equaled 3 naps in the car or 1 nap on the plane. 
Mamas family was very loud. Almost too loud but mama made sure that you weren’t overwhelmed. You got lots of presents, even ones from Mami even though she gave you some already. There was a lot of food and a lot of singing. Everyone was very happy, and you happily fell asleep curled up in your Abuelos lap in front of the fire. 
—————————————————————————
It was a random Wednesday when mama picked you up from school. You were excited, but also confused. If she picked you up it was on a Friday and that was rare. 
“Where’s Mami?” 
“Oh I see how it is. You’re gotten too big for me huh?” 
“Don’t be silly mama. Mami usually gets me on wednesdays.” 
“Well Pequeño, I have a surprise for you!” 
You felt all giddy inside, you were just a kid after all and surprises were fun. She loaded you into the car and drove until you reached a building that looked like the one you and mami lived in. 
“This is my new apartment bebé, yours too. You’ll have your own room like at mamis and I’ll be right across from you.” 
“But you live in Madrid?” 
Jenni got down on her knees, “I’m moving back here. To be with you” she bumped your nose with her finger, pulling you into her, “and I’ll be playing at Barça again so we need to get you a New Jersey.”
“You and mami will kiss again! That was my birthday wish and it came true!” The smile on Jenni’s face was immediately wiped off. She didn’t have the heart to break it to you, so she let you continue on rambling about how Nala and you would have so much fun here and mami would love it too. 
The first night you stayed at mamas new apartment you cried and cried until you passed out in her bed. You didn’t understand why Mami and Nala weren’t coming and why Mami didn’t kiss mama goodbye like the past times. 
Alexia’s heart broke into even more pieces when Jenni sent her a photo of you curled up on her chest, your hand gripping her shirt for dear life and the obvious wet patches. Going through a break up was hard at the best of times, but adding a child who didn’t understand into the mix? Worse. Every time you asked if your mama could pick you up from school or come to your little kickers game, she had to explain again that Jenni couldn’t. 
—————————————————————————
The next three years continue on as the others. You’re getting better at school and football, much to Mapi and lele delight you love being a defender. The one thing that confuses you though is sometimes your Mami and mama kiss and then sometimes they don’t even look at each other. Abuela says they are silly and tia alba says bad words. 
You don’t cope well much with new people, that was proven when Tia Alba bought a new girl to Sunday dinners and when she tried to kiss Alba, you threw a shoe at her. 
“Oye, y/n that’s not nice. You do not throw things at people.” Your Mami had grabbed your arms, stopping you from running away. 
“No! She’s being mean to Mapi. She’s only allowed to kiss Mapi like you are only allowed to kiss Mami!” 
“Pequeño-“ 
“Let go of me! Mami said no kissing anyone else but her! Tia Alba is the same! Only Mapi and Mami!” You finally got out of her grasp enough to push her over, running upstairs to Abuelas room and climbing under the bed. 
“Let me Ale.” Alba gave her sister a sympathetic smile before turning to follow you. “Pequeño?” Silence. “Pequeñoooooo? Come here Mariquita.” She grabbed your ankle and pulled you out. You were both sporting matching pouts. 
“Mapi will be sad. You can’t do that to Mapi!” 
“Mi vida, who told you I can only kiss Mapi?” 
“Mama.” You crossed your arms and stamped your foot, “mama is always right.” 
“What else did your mama say hm?” 
“That Mami isn’t allowed to kiss anyone else but her.” 
“Is your mama allowed to kiss others?” 
“Yes. She has a special friend. I don’t like her though because whenever she comes I have to go to my room and Andy barks at her.” 
“Does your Mami know?” 
“No mama said that only she’s allowed to have special friends and Mami isn’t.” 
“Right. Well, Mapi and I were special friends, but we aren’t anymore. You know Ana who plays with Mami and mama?” You nod your head, you do know Ana. She’s very tall and blonde, she helps you tie lele’s laces together too. “She’s mapis special friend now and Judith is mine. I really like Judith and I want you to like her too.” 
“You like her more than me?” 
“No. There’s no one I’d ever like more than you Mariquita.” Alba started leaving sloppy kisses all over your face before carrying you downstairs to you Mami. You had to apologise to Judith and give her a hug but then she agreed to play with you so you were happy. 
You didn’t notice the conversation between Tia Alba, Abuela and Mami. Maybe that’s because Judith was playing farms wrong and you had to keep correcting her and but you didn’t miss the tears in your mamis eyes when she came to take you home. 
The fighting started again after that and you never saw your mamas special friend again. The fighting didn’t just happen when Mami picked you up but at training too. When you were playing hide and seek with Pina and Cata, you heard your Mami crying to Mapi. 
You wanted to go see but if you went Pina and Cata would find you and you’d lose. So you stayed and listened. 
“Mariquita told alba that Jenni has a special friend and that I’m not allowed to kiss anyone but her. She’s fucking with the girls head Mapi!” 
“Ale, she’s 7, maybe she heard wrong.” 
“She didn’t. I spoke to Jenni, she said she was seeing someone but she was supposed to be seeing me only! That was the conversation we had, she promised me that she wouldn’t see other people.” 
Your mama had lied and made your Mami sad. All of your trusted adults said that lying was bad and making someone sad wasn’t nice. So the only logical conclusion was that your mama was a big meanie. You made sure to tell her that when she tried to take you home after training. Screaming bloody murder and kicking and biting her until she let go. 
Your Mami was the last to you as a crowd of teammates had began to form. 
“Don’t make me go with her Mami. Please Mami. She’s mean! I wanna go home with you and Nala. Please Mami.” You begged as you cried into her arms. Alexia looked at Jenni with wide eyes before comforting you. 
Mami did take you home with her that night and bribed you with ice cream so you’d tell her what happened. 
“Mama made you sad and she lied. That is mean. Mama is mean.” 
“Mariquita, where did you hear that?” 
“I heard you and Mapi. I was hiding in the laundry basket from Cata and Pina because we were playing and you were crying. I wanted to hug you but I didn’t want to lose so I stayed hiding.” You shrugged nonchalantly as you continued to shovel ice cream into your mouth. 
Alexia realised then that they were both fucking with your head. You weren’t really a talker, but you were a listener. You caught everything and knew everyone’s secrets. Expect you didn’t know what a secret was so you just shared your new information with whoever was closest. 
—————————————————————————
When Barça lost to Lyon in the champions league final, all you could do was cry. Both your Mami and mama were crying, so was Mapi, lele and pats. Somehow you managed to be standing freely away from Tia Alba and Tia Miriam. 
The barricade wasn’t that high. All you had to do was stand on the seat and jump. Mami was still laying on the floor crying and she always said that your hugs made her tears go away. So you did what you thought was right and jumped over. 
You ran as fast as you could, which for a 7 year old was pretty fast, hurling yourself at your mamis body on the floor. 
“Mari?” She sat up slightly, noticing the security guards and waving them off, “what are you doing down here? Where’s Alba?” 
“You were crying. When you cry at home, I hug you then you stop crying. Please don’t cry Mami.” You tried to wipe her tears but they just kept coming and she squeezed you tighter. 
Eventually you both got up and went around hugging the other girls and your mama. Even though you were mad at your mama, she still needed your hugs too. 
When the tall blonde lady from the other team came to talk to Mami, you made sure to stick your tongue out at her when she said hello. 
“Mari, you need to be nice to Ada please.” 
“No, she made you cry.” 
“I didn’t mean to make your mum cry, I promise.” 
“Did you say sorry? Mami says you need to say sorry even if it’s an accident.” 
“I did, I even gave her a hug.” 
“Well I didn’t hear it so say it again.” Both adults laughed at you, Ada saying something about how you were just like Alexia. Obviously, she was your Mami. 
—————————————————————————
You were supposed to be in England when your Mami broke her knee. She was very cranky for a long time and everyone was scared of her. Not you though. You got new toys out of it and new books. But there was a new person around, mamis friend Olga. She didn’t play how you liked so whenever she came over you went to your room. 
Alexia, in her depression didn’t notice it. Abuela did though. She saw how you retreated more. How you didn’t want to play football, or talk to your mama on the phone. You just hide away in your room, old habits dying hard of cleaning. It was something both Jenni and alexia had worked hard to get you out of the habit of doing. You didn’t need to clean the bathrooms, or was your laundry. That was their job, but Mami couldn’t do any of her jobs anymore so you did. 
A loud smashing noise woke you from your nap. It was summer break and you’d spent all morning at the beach with Alba and Judith so you were tired. 
“You’re not taking my fucking daughter Jennifer! Over my dead body.”
“She’s our daughter alexia. And it wouldn’t be forever. Just until you can look after yourself and her because god knows you can’t!” The fighting was back. Something you’d gotten for 8th birthday was a phone. It only had a few numbers in it but the only one you needed was abuelas. She answered very quickly and you were able to give her a run down of what was happening. When she said she was on her way, you snuck out of the apartment, taking Nala with you and heading down to the front foyer to wait. 
It was very long before she arrived, running through the doors and barely stopping to notice you sitting there. 
“Mi vida! What’s happening?” 
“Dunno. I was sleepin’ then Mami started swearing and mama said she was taking me away.” 
“Alba, take her to the car. Now.” Abuelas voice was scary, the type she used to yell at Mami and alba when they were fighting or when Nala chewed her tv remote. 
Eli could hear the yelling from the hallway, using her key to let herself in. 
“I don’t fucking care Alexia! She’s not staying here. You’re a pathetic excuse of a mother right now!”
“ENOUGH!” Both women turned in shock to see Eli standing there, face full of fury. “Your daughter rang me because you were both screaming at each other. She was scared and wanted to leave. I bet neither of you noticed that she left!” 
“No eli. She’s in her room.”
“She’s in my car Jennifer. She packed a bag and took Nala downstairs and waited. Alba put her in the car. Neither of you deserve that little girl. All you two do is fight and treat each other like shit. In front of her! What kind of example are you setting?” 
“Mami-“
“No Alexia. I’m not done. Jennifer, you will not move that child to the other side of the world. Her football is here, her school and her friends that she worked so hard to make. You’re here often enough that you will see her and I will bring her on holidays. Alexia, pull your shit together. She relies on you not the other way around. She will stay at my house for now, Nala too. When you’re ready to be grown ups, you know where to find her.” 
It didn’t take long for mama to come but it was to say she was leaving and you wouldn’t be coming with her. She explained that she’d be going to Mexico, you understood geography a lot better now since you had just turned 8. She was going far away, further than ever before and leaving you behind yet again. 
Something changed that day, it wasn’t the first time you had been left behind but this was your mama. The person who was supposed to stay with you and love you. 
Towards the end of 2022, alexia was finally running again. Rehab was going as planned and you were continuing to do well in school. She had planned to take you, Tia Alba and Abuela to the Maldives for Christmas. It was supposed to be a fun time. Just the four of you. Nala couldn’t come but she was excited when she got dropped off at Pats house.  
When you came back school had started again, Mami had promised everyday she’d be the one to pick you up from school and she was. Until a stranger came. She wasn’t completely a stranger, she was mami’s friend but you didn’t know her. Your refusal to go home with her caused a scene and Abuela ended up getting called. 
Your Mami and mama had taught you a lot of important things, like when someone was sad you gave them a hug, never take food from a stranger and never ever go with a stranger. Only a trusted adult and Olga was not a trusted adult. All the trusted adults knew the safe word, it was the word they’d say and you knew Mami or mama sent them but she didn’t. 
“Mari, what happened at school today?” Mami asked while watching tv on the couch. 
“I did some maths, made a volcano explode. A stranger tried to take me. Oh! And I played on the monkey bars with Isabel then she braided my hair!” 
“A STRANGER WHAT!” She jolted you around. 
“Yeah at pick up. You didn’t come and she said you were friends but she didn’t know the safe word so I ran back inside and made them call Abuela.” It was silent for a few moments before it clicked. Alexia was stuck doing an interview and had asked Olga to pick you up, completely forgetting to tell her about the safe word. 
“Olga came, yes?” You nodded, “you know Olga. You’ve met Olga before?” 
“Just because I’ve met her doesn’t mean I know her Mami. What if the mean Real Madrid girls took me from school? I’ve met them but I don’t know them. Plus she didn’t know the safe word and trusted adults know the safe word.” 
“You’re right Mari. How about this weekend we go to the beach and you can really know Olga? We can take Nala and have a nice lunch.” You thought it over for a moment, you did like the beach and you liked most of mamis other friends, expect the Real Madrid goalie. You did not like her at all. After much consideration you nodded your head. Mami pulled you back into her lap and that’s how you stayed for the rest of the night. 
Meeting new people wasn’t easy. You got Mami and mama when you were three but now you were eight. During those five years you’d met so many new people, some were good and some not so good. There was always something subconsciously that made you freak out, especially when it was in a foreign place. 
“Hola y/n. I’m Olga.” She squatted down so she was a little smaller than you. Instead of responding you just hid behind your Mami. 
“she gets a bit nervous around new people. Mariquita? Can you please say hi?” Alexia felt you shake your head from behind her, she let out a sigh but continued on. 
They both tried to include you in conversation but you only ever stared at Olga. Mami had a lot of friends, none of them quite like her. She was what Abuela would describe as a espíritu libre. Almost the opposite of Mami. 
“Are you and my Mami having sex?” Both adults chocked on their food. 
“Mari!”
“What? I asked it in a polite way no?” 
“Where did you learn that?” 
“You’re deflecting. Abuela says you and Tia alba do that when you don’t want to answer.” Olga just watched as you both stared each other down. 
“Do you know what sex is?” Olga asked, she didn’t mean to ask it out loud so she was just as shocked as alexia was when the words came out. 
“Yes. I googled it. I’m not stupid you know.” 
“What do you mean you googled it?” 
“I don’t understand what you aren’t understanding Mami? I am speaking the same language!” 
“You’re eight. You shouldn’t be googling things like that! Where did you learn the word?” 
“Mapi.” 
“Of course. Please explain how you and Maria got on the conversation of sex.” 
“She was talking to Ingrid and I was hiding in the locker room because Ana was gonna get me and she said to Ingrid ‘should we have our post win sex early”. You mocked the way Mapi spoke, earning a laugh from Olga who only got a glare from your Mami. 
“I’m going to kill her.” 
After lunch Olga let. Instead of Mami driving home, she drove straight to Mapis apartment and basically smashed the door down. You got a front row seat to the chewing out the Spaniard got. Her face red in embarrassment. To you, it was very funny but to Mami and Mapi, it was not. 
—————————————————————————
On the 30th of April, the time finally came for your Mami to return playing. She was back in training a few weeks earlier which meant you were spending more time with Abuela after school. 
When Mami got subbed on the crowd went wild. Everyone was standing and clapping. Abuela, Tia Alba and Olga were all crying and when you asked why, Tia alba explained they were happy tears. It didn’t really make much sense to you, you understood she was hurt and couldn’t play for a while but you didn’t understand the significance that your Mami held to the club or to women’s football in general. 
FC Barcelona won the champions league that year. This was the first time you truly understood what it meant. They were the best time in Europe. Mamis important Ibiza holidays always included you, but this year they wouldn’t. Mama was back and you’d be going on holiday with her before the World Cup. 
Mama took you back to Madrid, where you spent three weeks. Not once did you talk about Mami, or Tia alba but you did talk about Mexico and how mama really loved it there and wanted you to visit. Right before you flew back to Barcelona, mama gave you a special necklace. It was a love heart locket, on one side was a picture of you, Mami and mama when you were little and the other side was blank. 
“When we win the World Cup, there will be a picture of the three of us to go on the other side.” It was a promise. 
You celebrated your ninth birthday in Australia. Mami and mama were allowed to come celebrate with Tia Alba, Abuela and Olga. There was a weird feeling around the table but you didn’t care. You had most of your favourite people and Olga and that’s all you needed. 
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dalliancekay · 8 months ago
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Aziraphale does NOT need to suffer MORE
Can't believe I have to say this. TW: grief, mourning, death (sorry) I have, since falling into the fandom 6 months ago to escape real life, seen many takes on how Aziraphale needs to (or at least should) suffer in S3 to match Crowley's suffering. As the counterpart to the moment Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale as he's looking for him desperately in the burning bookshop....
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...after this he drinks, we suppose, to dull his pain, waiting for the Armageddon. Or, for the way Crowley suffers at the bandstand argument, the 'I Forgive You' moments, which many people find utterly devastating and incredibly heartless from Aziraphale. Not to mention when he doesn't react in the 'right way' to Crowley's confession in the Final 15. And then on top of that, 'abandons' Crowley. For Heaven. Oh and also for, and I quote: "The smug and entitled way Aziraphale went around in S2 assuming Crowley would love and follow him everywhere." And so for all this pain that Crowley endured for him, Aziraphale should suffer in S3 (to I assume) even out the scores. Or... to deserve Crowley. Some people also want to see him lose it, show his emotions, to cry or beg or otherwise show how much he misses Crowley and how very sorry he is for what he has (so thoughtlessly) done.
Now for the TW grief content I motioned above. You can skip to the next sentence in bold.
I was on holiday late September last year, visiting my mum, stepfather and my two younger brothers. We went to a cousin's wedding. It was great. The day after, as I was hanging out reading a book, my mum got a call. The kind of call every mother fears. My youngest brother (he was 27) died in an accident. We needed to speak to police and the coroner. She cried and cried. She's still crying. She asks questions. She gets no answers. I...did not cry. I talked to the police. I googled a funeral home. I bought my brother his last set of clothes. He lived in a hoodie and torn black jeans. Mum wanted a suit. I texted a lot of people. I bought snacks for the many friends who came to the funeral and wanted to speak to us after. My grief feels like a vice. I am not sad. I do not appear sad. Contrary to what people expect. But I am ANGRY. I am furious. But nobody can see this. I am not fine and I wish no one would ever* ask how I was again. TW/Personal content over. WE ALL SUFFER DIFFERENTLY Since I was small (because I am weird like that) I genuinely wondered if, finding myself in danger, I could scream like people in films do. I don't think I could. I cope with hard situations, fear and stress and anxiety by shutting down, sometimes by retreating as well, and by furiously (but quietly) trying to find a way out. And I think Aziraphale does the same. And that's why I love him so much. And why I feel I get him and understand that people sometimes can't tell how much he's actually feeling. I also express love the way Aziraphale does - by organising things for people, inviting them places, making plans. When Crowley said you call me for three things (and it's basically any old reason) I felt SO SEEN. This is what I would do with a friend who I know is feeling unmoored, sad, stuck (Crowley's 'What's the point of it all' at the beginning of S2). I'd text them with any old thing. I'd never actually say I love you, but I would try to get them to talk, meet me, go somewhere. Aziraphale does not express emotions the same way as Crowley.
But his emotions are valid nonetheless. He is worried for Crowley from around 3 minutes into their acquaintanceship. And he NEVER stops worrying from then on.
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And are we quite sure he has never lost Crowley?
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How many times did Aziraphale's heart freeze in horror when he realised Hell has taken Crowley and he had no idea if he'll ever come back and what is happening to him?
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How did Aziraphale spend the night after vanquishing the demons and starting a war? He had no idea where Crowley was. What happened to him. He was probably sick with worry that Hell just took him away. We didn't see him drink and cry, but surely, the worry must have been overwhelming. The wait for what will happen now.
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ALL his worries over the Arrangement. Was he worried for himself? Do we really think that?
Crowley thought he lost Aziraphale in S1, yes, we saw that. And what happened to the angel then?
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He got blown into atoms which I bet wasn't pleasant and when he arrives in Heaven he limps. Why is he hurt? And why is he quickly pretending he isn't? Why is he always hiding how he feels? Also, he immediately deserts, wants no part in the Holy War and quickly finds an extremely unconventional way to get back. It's not a grand gesture, he doesn't deliberate, doesn't worry that he will Fall (although surely that must have been what he thought will happen if he survives this), there's no pomp around it, he thinks it and then does it. No hesitation.
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Is this coming from an angel who just can't leave Heaven behind and longs to be a part of it? Who loves to follow rules? And let's not forget in those moments Aziraphale thought Crowley was most likely gone. That he probably left for Alpha Centauri. Last he heard from him he was told he was talking to an old friend and had no time for him. Why we NEVER talk about how that might have felt for Aziraphale? About his sadness?
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Things are not as simple as Aziraphale has been supressing his emotions and lying to himself about how he feels and he should get over it and become free. That's not how this works. First of all, he was suppressing his emotions OUT OF LOVE. His main goal was always to keep Crowley safe. They simply couldn't run away or hoodwink Heaven and Hell. They had nowhere to go. They had no hope and yet they kept loving each other. That's courage. I know we all grew up with Romeo and Juliet and Heathcliff and Cathy and we FORGOT that those were CAUTIONARY tales. And this is not what Aziraphale wants for them. He would never allow himself to go so fast he would hurt Crowley. He feels guilty enough for agreeing to the Arrangement and for meeting Crowley at all when he knows they can be discovered and punished at any point. And Crowley knows it and RESPECTS it. He does not tolerate Aziraphale's decision to not go on a date and to hell with circumstances. He understands Aziraphale's reasoning and he respects Aziraphale's decision. Don't forget, they have NO POWER. They can't change Heaven and Hell. They can't stop believing in God and work on their religious trauma. Their Heaven and Hell are real places with real power and they both BELONG to them. Aziraphale's trauma and his personality are deeply intertwined and he'd probably never be the kind of person who is open in showing their grief or stress like Crowley does. He will learn to be more open, I'm sure. With his love especially, we see him reaching for and touching his demon in S2. Openly being with him, looking at him without guarding himself. They got a little bit of freedom for themselves despite ALL odds. So. Just because Aziraphale is not crying and screaming and I dunno, tearing his hair out or whatever some people would have him do, does not mean he isn't overflowing with pain, fear, uncertainty, doubts, worries, and so much anxiety that if he let it all out, half of the solar system would turn to ashes.
Aziraphale does not need to suffer in S3 to level out Crowley's suffering. They are, unfortunately, equal in their pain as they are in love. If there is one thing Crowley would never abide, it'd be this take from the fandom. * One more note on grief: (obviously from my personal experience) As initiated by @anthony-crowleys-left-nut in a comment
It's not that I mind to know people care and worry etc, not at all. But asking how I am can only end up in me lying (fine, thank you) and both of us knowing it's not really true and feeling awkward or not lying (I feel like shit, mostly cos I can't sleep and think the world is a stupid, unfair place) and both of us feeling awkward anyway. Does that make sense? I wish I could tell friends/colleagues to ask what I've been up to or something similar instead. What I've been reading (um, AO3, but I'll make something up), watching, do I want to go see some spring flowers bloom (I do). I think...this would probably work not just for someone who is grieving but also for someone who you know is dealing with depression for example or a serious illness etc. Edit 2. It's now almost (in 15 days) a year since my brother died. The random attacks of pain and grief have lessened and I have started to do more of the things I enjoyed before... and I am able to answer how are you questions without feeling like they are trying to mock me (the questions, not the people). So I suppose things do get ... lighter? More diffused? I'm not sure. Because it's still exactly as unfair that my brother has not lived this past year as it will be however many years I will be here without him I expect.
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lokigodofmyheart · 6 months ago
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GOSSIP
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Pairing: Loki x Female Reader.
Words: 4.412.
Summary: Y/N and Loki are friends. They say they are best friends, but a lot of gossip go around the palace about them, because of how close they are, how they lay together a lot, share drinks, this kind of things couples would do. But in reality, they never did anything, not even kissed.  
Warning/Content: smut, friends to lovers.
MASTERLIST
It was a quiet afternoon in the golden palace of Asgard. Y/N and Loki were in his room, in his bed, while Loki was laying with his head on her stomach, while she played with his hair. 
“How do you not sleep when I play with your hair?”  
Loki shrugs slightly as his mind is split between keep reading the book in his hand and talking to her “I don't know. I just don't.”  
Y/N chuckles “I sleep so easily when you play with mine.” 
"I wish that I could sleep easily like you," Loki sighs, "but I struggle with it. You just have a soothing touch that puts me at ease. I feel safe around you." 
“Good to know.” She smiles, still playing with his hair. Loki puts the book down and looks up at her, smiling as well. “What was the book about?” 
"This?" Loki moves the book so she can see the cover, it says 'Romeo and Juliet' on it, and has the pictures of the two characters. "It is about two people whose love was not supported by their families. The lovers ended up dying in the end." 
“That’s tragic.”  
"Yes, it is sad," Loki replies, "But sometimes love can be like a tragedy. Sometimes people are not supportive of love. Sometimes even family are not supportive of each other. But a tragedy has to have a sad ending. And I will not let our story have a sad ending." He suddenly rolls her on top of him so that she are now laying on her stomach on top of him, her head on his chest. Y/N just smiles.
"But enough about Shakespeare," Loki chuckles and kiss the top of her head, "I rather spend this moment with you."  
“Hmm, that’s better.” Y/N looks at him and smiles. 
"Much better," Loki murmurs, still holding her close to him and running his hand through her hair. "Much, much better." 
“Stop that or I’m gonna sleep in no time.” She laughs softly. 
"Then I suppose I should definitely keep doing it." Loki's hand comes through her hair again more slowly this time as he chuckles softly. 
“Is my company that boring that you prefer me to be asleep?” 
"Your company is wonderful," He answers, "But the feeling of your weight resting on top of me... That's another feeling entirely. And it's one I very much like." 
Y/N laughs softly, before she finds a more comfortable position with her head on his neck, her breath hitting his skin. Loki shivers slightly, it makes him feel warm inside.  
"That feels nice." He squeezes her a bit tighter, burying his nose into her hair, and enjoying the feeling of having Y/N lying on him like this. Her hand once again find his hair to play. 
He leans into the touch of her hands on his hair. It is a relaxing sensation. "So, this is how it feels to be the pillow." Loki teases playfully. 
That takes a laugh of her. "You’re quite a comfortable pillow, you know?” 
"That I am." Loki's lips curve up into a smile, the two of them now more comfortable with each other. His hands travel from her hair to her lower back, pulling her even closer. The two are now almost a tangle of bodies. Loki pulls her so that her head rests in the crook of his neck. One of his arms comes around to holds her firmly but gently to him, just enough pressure to make him feel her body. 
They are relaxing in the comfortable silence when suddenly they were disturbing by Thor opening the door of Loki’s room. “Loki, have you…OH, I’m sorry.” And he closed the door as soon as he opened. 
Loki sighs, not bothering to break his current position "I should really consider locking the door from now on." 
“You should.” Y/N chuckles. “I can already hear the gossip the maids will do: Thor got Loki and Y/N together on bed.” 
He chuckles quietly, amused by that. Then he realized how that could be misinterpreted "You know... The more I think about it, the more I realize how that whole gossip thing will look. I mean, we are two single people.... And we're laying on top of each other." 
“This will be so misinterpreted...” She agrees with a small laugh. 
"Oh definitely." Loki suddenly has an idea."Oh! We should totally add to the gossip." 
“What do you mean?” Y/N look confused at him. 
"We should give the maids something more to gossip about." Loki grins, a slightly mischievous edge to him. "Let's have you come out of my room a little more... disheveled." 
“And how exactly?” She smiles at his mischievous idea. 
"Well..." he suddenly pulls her more tightly to him, whispering into her ear , in a sensual way not typical from the two of them "Like how we were just doing things." 
A shiver went down her spine “I see...” 
"So, are you in?" Loki's breath hitches in his throat. He wants this. 
“I am...maybe we should do something with you too, not just me?” 
"Like what?" He asks, his breath catching once again.  
Y/N thinks for a moment “I don’t know...maybe…a hickey on your neck…? That would help sell our story.” 
Loki's body reacts to the suggestion.  His breath caught again, his entire body tingling as if his nerves were being tickled. “Y-yes..." Loki whispers, slowly. 
“Can I?” She whispers in his ear. He just nods, his eyes closed as his body trembles slightly.  His breath is quick and shallow. 
 Y/N then proceeds to kiss a spot on his neck, before starting to sucking gently but enough to leave a mark. Loki's body reacts again, his legs starting to tense as his breath grows short.  The feeling is... more than he thought it would be.  His hands move around her, squeezing her tighter to him.  His eyes are still closed, but his mouth is agape slightly, his breath coming out in quick gasps.  His body trembles slightly, his hips moving slowly as he feels her mouth on his neck. 
She finally stops and look at her work “It’s perfect. Really believable.” 
Loki's entire body was flushed with heat. He took a deep breath before he answered. "Yes, perfect." His breath catching as he fights against a loud moan. He couldn't deny that this felt good. Extremely good. Maybe a little too good. 
“I think it’s your time to help me look “disheveled”, like you said . 
"Of course. " his voice raspy. He was still recovering from what she had done to him. "Are you ready for me to return the favor?" 
“What do you have in mind?” Y/N was curious. 
"The same thing... But to you." Loki grins. "You ready for me to give you a little mark on your neck." Y/N smiles and nods. He takes in a breath, then slowly moves over to her neck. Where she was gentle, he was more eager. But he was still trying to retain some control and not go too far. Her neck was just so soft and smooth and it was driving him crazy. Loki slowly kissed her neck, then slowly started sucking a little bit. 
Y/N let out a soft gasp, closing her eyes and gathering all of her selfcontrol to not moan at the feeling of his lips on her neck. Her reaction drives him a little crazy. He starts doing it again, this time with a little more pressure, a little more sucking. It's a little more intense than what she did to him, but she seemed to be enjoying it, which was all that mattered to him. She had tried to hold back, but eventually a low moan escaped her lips. 
Loki hears it and it drives him even crazier. He was enjoying this more than he thought he would. He continues the sucking for a few more seconds, then stops. "Do you want me to keep going...?" Loki whispers in her ear, his voice breathless. 
“I think it’s good enough…” she says coming back to her senses. 
He just nods quietly, a little disappointed "Is it enough to help with the gossip?"  
“I don’t know...maybe a few more things?” Y/N was wondering if she had really got back to her senses or not right now. 
"Like what?" Loki whispers, still breaths slowly coming out of him. 
“Maybe messy hairs…your shirt untucked?” she chuckles. 
"That, I think we can do." Loki chuckles as well. 
“Come on, sit up.” She smiles, as she was still laying on him. She was blaming his stupid plan right now for her acting this way. But it was all for the "prank", right?  
Loki nods and slowly sits up, bringing her up with him as he does, keeping his arms around her. He then gently runs his hands through her hair, making it messy as best as he can. One of his hands grabs her waist and pulls her a little bit closer to him “You ready for the next part?" 
Y/N laughs softly and then starts messing with his hair the best she can. Loki chuckles as well . He's still pulling her just a little bit closer to him, enjoying the fact that she is now straddling him.  Her legs on his hips...It is a little exciting, something that makes him tingle. 
She admires her work for a second, before looking back at his eyes “So now…untuck your shirt?” 
Loki nods and does exactly what she tell him. He untucks his shirt, then proceeds to mess it up even more. He plays with the collar, unbuttons it slightly at the top, just enough to add to the look. 
“Maybe you should unzip my dress just a little?” She was only doing this to sell the idea...right? 
His body tenses up at the suggestion, but he nods. "Okay..." Loki slowly unzips the top of her dress just a few inches, just enough so that her back are exposed a little bit. 
“Perfect.” Y/N laughs. 
"Anything else?" *Loki asks slowly and shakily.  His senses are tingling.  She was straddling him just right, his body was tingling in all the right places. This whole plan of his was backfiring on him. 
“I don’t know. Any ideas?” 
Loki thinks, but all his brain can think of is... Y/Nnd him becoming "disheveled" together. "Well..." He speaks quietly. “There's... one last thing we can do." 
Y/N was curious again, but her eyes had a hint of something, almost like desire “What is it?” 
Loki hesitates for a moment before he speaks. His breath catches in his throat. But he wants to do this. He can't deny that he wants to go through with this "Close your eyes..." 
She bites her lower lip before she let go and closes her eyes like he said. It was enough to make him tingle in all the right places. Loki slowly leans in and kisses her. His hands reach around her and pull her closer to him, her body pressed right up against his. 
Y/N couldn’t say she was surprised, because maybe she was expecting something like that. She kissed him back in the same instant. 
His heart starts to race as the kiss goes on longer.  He was starting to hold back less and less. His arms were wrapped around her tight, pulling her as close to him as he could, his one hand reaching to her lower back. Loki deepens the kiss, he wants to go even further. 
She was the first one to act on impulse, pulling his shirt off his body and as soon as it was discarded somewhere in his room, her hands started exporing his chest. Y/N pushes him with her weight so they would be laying back in their previous position, still with her legs straddling him. Y/N broke the kiss but instead of stopping, she went to his neck where she had left a mark previously.  
Loki's entire body shivers, just like before, his hands moving to the sides of her hips and moving them up the back of her body, touching her skin under the dress. He moans loudly as she start sucking his neck again.  
“Take it off…” Y/N whispers in his ear. 
Loki is breathless from the excitement. His eyes wide open, his breath coming quick and shallow.  The adrenaline is rushing through his entire body. He takes in a quick breath before he speaks. "Are you sure...?” 
She nods. “We’re just making the gossip more believable...” 
"We are..." Loki whispers back as his fingers slowly start grabbing at the zipper of her dress.  Y/N helped him get off the clothes, leaving her in only her underwear on top of him. Loki can't deny how beautiful she looks... She's his best friend, so why is his body reacting this way to her?  
 Loki whispers, the excitement making it difficult to talk. "I don't think this is just 'disheveled' anymore..." 
“No? Then what is it?” Her voice was matching his exciment. 
His breath skips. He can't deny the obvious. He is trying to, his mind telling him not to go further "I think this is... getting a little too real now." 
Loki was right, she realized “Yeah, maybe you’re right…” Y/N got off him to lay by his side, making him sighs quietly as she left his arms.    
"Maybe... We should stop..."*Loki whispers quietly, his voice breathless.  He looks at her. He can't deny that there is a tinge of disappointment in his eyes. He wanted to go a little further... Or... Was he scared because this is... Getting too real...? 
“Yeah. You’re right.” she says still laying by his side and looking up at the ceiling. 
The prince sighs again. He tries to relax his breath, but his body is still trembling slightly. "Sorry that I pushed this..." Loki says quietly, trying to hide his disappointment. He had built this up in his mind, got himself too excited, and then pulled back when it got too real. 
“It’s okay…” she says softly, hiding her own disappointment. 
Loki is silent a moment, still trying to settle down his adrenaline rush, his body still trembling. "Are...we okay..." Loki whispers, wanting to check if this whole thing did not impact the relationship between them in any way. 
Y/N chuckles and finally look at him with a small smile “We’re fine.” 
He gives her the smallest, softest smile in return. "Promise?" *Loki whispers quietly. He still just wants to make sure she'll still see him the same. Because there's nothing he wants less than to lose her. 
“I promise.” Another smile. 
Loki sighs, a relief washing over him “Good..." 
“I think we should get dressed...” Y/N says noticing now her situation. 
Loki nods slowly. "Yeah... We probably should." 
They both got up from the bed, putting their clothes back on. “Can you help me here?” She turns her back with the ziper open. 
"Of course." Loki whispers, reaching to help you zip up your dress. 
“Thanks.” 
“You’re welcome.” Loki smiles. 
She look at the hickeys she left on his neck and chuckles “Yep, I guess there will be a lot of gossip about that neck of yours.”  
“Yeah..." Loki chuckles a bit as well. "We definitely gave them something to talk about..." 
“Our plan succeeds then.” Y/N laughs. 
Loki chuckles softly as well, relieved and happy that she wasn’t  upset, and the whole thing didn't ruin their friendship. "Yeah... I guess it did." *Loki whispers quietly.  
And now with the initial excitement over, Loki's head is becoming a little more clear.  He's thinking back on what actually happened.  He's not sure if her reactions were genuine.  Or if she was just playing her part.  
“I think I should go now…for the sake of our plan.” 
"Yeah... You're right." Loki nods "We got our story... Now we just have to play it right.  I'll see you tomorrow?” 
“Of course.” Y/N smiles. 
"Good.  Then I will see you tomorrow." Loki gives you one last smile. 
“I’ll see you tomorrow” she smiles one last time before she left his room. 
Loki watches her leave his room.  He still can't believe how things had escalated tonight.  A part of him is relieved that it didn't result in anything more.  A bigger part of him is disappointed and even confused... Why did he want more?  And why did it make him so disappointed?  With a sigh, he heads to his bed, trying to clear his head. 
The next morning, when Loki arrived for breakfast, Thor was already there. His brother looked at his neck and laughed “What’s that on your neck?” 
"Uh...nothing..." Loki says quickly. 
“Interesting how Y/N also had marks on her neck this morning…after Thor say he found you two laying together…” Sif smirked. 
The plan definitely seemed to be working... Too well perhaps. "We were just laying together while having a conversation.  I was not doing anything more than just talking." Loki says quickly, trying to deny that anything more was going on at all.   
Sif and Thor laughed at this. “Loki, the only thing people are talking today is how Y/N left your room last night with her hair a mess and hickeys on her neck.” *The warrior says. 
"People talk too much..." Loki mutters.   
Loki had been focusing on his brother and Sif, completely oblivious to the fact that Y/N was not there yet. He really doesn’t want to think about what everyone else thinks… But he can’t help but start to think about it. This may not have been the best idea after all. Loki sighs and looks over to Thor. "Does it really have to be this big of a deal?" *Loki whispers.  The question was rhetorical, he didn't really expect Thor to answer.   
“No, brother. Why you two don’t assume you’re together at once? You keep this “we’re friends” thing.” Thor says. 
"Because we are just friends." *Loki snaps back. He wasn't going to allow his brother to jump to any conclusions.  He was hoping that the plan would result in some gossip and rumors, but he didn't want it to actually go too far.  
Sif notices how he keep looking at the entrance. “She’s not coming.”  
“She says she had some stuff to do.” Thor replies. 
“What kind of stuff?” Loki look at them, confused why Y/N hadn’t showed to breakfast. 
“She didn’t elaborated.” Sif answer. 
Loki lets out another small sigh. If she really was fine, then he was probably just making a big deal out of nothing. But Loki just couldn’t shake that feeling of nervousness.  
“Library.” Thor whispers to him. 
He lets out a small sigh as he stands up.*"I'll be right back." Loki speaks up.  He gets up from the table and starts walking to the library.  
“You’re looking for Y/N, prince Loki?” A woman asked him. 
Loki looks over at the woman who had just spoken to him.  He gives her a small pause before finally responding. "Yeah... I am. Have you seen her?" 
“She went to her chambers just a few minutes ago.” 
“Thank you." Loki whispers to the woman, before leaving the library and making his way towards Y/N's room. Loki arrives at Y/N’s room, gently knocks on the door and wait for it to open. 
“It’s open.” She says from inside the room. 
Loki slowly opens the door and steps inside her room.  "Hi..." He whispers with a small smile. 
“Hi...” Y/N smiles back. 
"You're fine, right?" Loki asks quietly. The question was simple, but he was still making sure that everything was okay. 
The girls chuckles “Why wouldn’t I be?” 
"You... You didn't come to breakfast..." Loki replies quietly.  
“Oh, right.” she chuckles again “I was tired of your brother and Sif teasing. You did a nice work on my neck last night, everyone is talking...Did you think we went too far on our plan?” she looks at him “Everyone is talking how we supposedly spent the night together.” 
Loki lets out a breath "Well... I...No, I guess not..." 
“Okay” Y/N smiles and walks to him “Want to lay down with me and rest?” 
He smiles as he allows her to lead him to her bed. He feels her next to him, and his nerves start to build up a little bit again, like they'd started to last night when he laid down next to her.  
She starts playing with his hair like she always do and notices his body more tense “What’s on your mind?” 
"Just..." Loki chuckles lightly, feeling her fingers running through his hair as that feeling of nervousness builds up in his stomach “I guess I keep thinking about last night..." 
“Why?” She asks genuinely. 
"I guess I just can't stop thinking about the way you reacted when I... You know.  Kissed your neck..." Loki whispers quietly. The feeling of butterflies in his stomach was growing stronger now.   
“Sorry, my neck it’s my weakness…” The girls chuckles. 
"I noticed." Loki chuckled as he took out another breath. 
“Why did you kissed me?” 
"I... I..." *Loki stops, trying to think of an answer that doesn't admit just how much he wanted to do that to her last night "I don't really know..." 
“That’s okay.” Y/N’s fingers keeps playing with his hair. “I guess that was my fault. I was the one who suggested about the hickeys…if escalated, it’s my fault.” 
"It's not your fault..." Loki whispers. "I wanted to kiss your neck... I wanted to kiss all over your neck and everywhere else..." He sighs."I wanted to do whatever it took to drive you crazy last night..." 
The way that she looks at him changed “Do you…still want to?” 
Loki's face goes still for a moment as she asks him that. He is taken back by her words and by the look in her eyes.  He could feel those feelings... Growing. With his brain going on auto-pilot, but his body reacting on impulse... Loki's mouth moves forward and presses against hers. Y/N kissed him back passionately, and Loki took the oportunity to go on top of her. 
His kisses continue to grow in both intensity and desperation.  He kisses her harder and harder.  His hands squeezing her closer.  Their bodies pressed together.  
Y/N starts taking off his shirt in autopilot, while Loki’s hands also move to take off her dress, while their kiss intensify. There were a mess of hands and soon they were without their clothes, naked as their bodies pressed against each other. 
Loki keeps kissing her while his hands run all over her body.  Every touch and movement seem to trigger something new in his body… Making any other thought besides her fade away.  His arms wrap around her, and he holds her closer.  He pressed his hips against her, making her moans so softly, he almost missed. But hearing that sound fuel his desire, and he continues to press his hips against hers.  His hands move from holding her hips and begin exploring her body more thoroughly... Finding their way to her core.  Y/N moans into the kiss, as soon as he starts teasing her clit. 
Loki takes a breath as he stares back into her eyes for a moment, still teasing her.  The look in her eyes, combined with the moans and the sound of her breathing, makes his hands move faster... More urgently.  He can't stop himself... He is lost in his desire... As his hands work their magic, she moans louder... Their breathing becomes heavier and shorter until he finally pushes one finger into her and his lips move to her neck. 
“Loki...” Y/N moans his name, and he took the opportunity to push a second finger. 
Loki moves to her ear now, whispering into it. “You like this, don't you?” 
“Yes...” 
He whispers into her ear again “I'm gonna make you like it even more.” 
Loki's fingers now start to move a bit faster, more urgently. Her moans grow even more intense, her body beginning to tremble from the pleasure. A few more seconds, and she couldn’t hold back anymore when she came in his fingers. 
Y/N looks at him panting “I want you...now.” 
Loki aligned with her entrance and slowly he pushed inside of her, making they moan at the sensation. He started with a slow pace, but as the desires grow, his pace was getting faster and rougher.   
“I’m...close...” 
"I know... I know..." Loki whispers.  He feels the tension growing even more than before, the sensation only growing with intensity as she reaches the edge.  He is also reaching the edge now... His movement speeds up, her sounds driving him to this point. After a little more time, Y/N was hit by her orgasm, clenching around Loki’s cock, making he cum with a low growl. He slowly pulls out and lets out a slow breath.  His breaths are shorter and more erratic now.  His mind's too... Foggy... To truly process anything right now. 
Loki looks back at her, still trying to catch his breath.  The smile is still on his face, as he stares at her with a look that could only mean one thing: Satisfaction. 
“Loki?” He could notice she was still trying to calm her breath. 
“Yeah?” 
“This wasn’t a friend thing, was it?” Y/N asks him, laying on her side so she could face him. 
Loki’s smile grows wider as her question hits him.  His eyes continue to stare back at her. “No… It wasn’t a friend thing…” 
"Good.” Y/N chuckles “I think the gossips are right…we do act like a couple sometimes. But maybe it’s because we…like each other more than friends…” 
The prince grins as she says this.  He seems to confirm what she is saying as well.  He chuckles quietly as a response. "I think that's a fair assessment.  We do... Like each other more than friends..." 
“So now what?” 
Loki stays silent for a second as he thinks about what she just said.  He keeps an eye on her as she stares back at him. "So, you want us to be more?" 
“I do.” She was honest “Do you?” 
"Definitely." Loki says without a doubt.  It was already obvious to him.  They'd already basically been acting like a couple for years now.  And after last night... It was obvious what they were to each other. 
Y/N smiles at his answer and he continues to smile back at her.  He doesn't really have words for this moment right now... Because words don't feel needed. 
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nagichi-boop · 1 month ago
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Gerald’s Journal - Disability representation
I read scans of Gerald’s Journal and I have to talk about it. Not the lore or anything like that, but the disability rep. I didn’t expect to cry reading this.
Please don’t look at this post if you don’t want to be spoiled about what’s in this journal. If you do want to read it, you can find scans here. Credit to this Twitter/X thread for the images I’ll use.
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I don’t have much to say about this image, but it is nice to see Maria using a mobility aid. It’s not often we get representation for an ambulatory wheelchair user.
I do wonder about Maria’s relationship with her parents. They weren’t happy with Gerald’s wish to bring her to the ARK so that he could research a cure for her, but they let her go anyways? Maybe Gerald got some sort of order to get her to go or Maria decided she wanted to go with him, but it seems a little odd to me. I’ll expand on this a little later.
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Quote from right page: “[Maria] is growing into a lovely young woman. It breaks my heart that someone as bright and energetic as her is diminished by disease. There are no visible effects, and I’ve caught my fellow researchers muttering to each other, doubting her illness. It is infuriating. I find all my reason and restraint vanished when she’s slighted.”
Oh my days, I’ve never felt so seen by a piece of media and it just so happens to be my special interest video game. I am tearing up again thinking about this. Maybe that’s silly but to have a character express his frustrations about people doubting the invisible disability of his grandchild is so touching. I wish people in my life were more like Gerald. People with invisible illnesses get doubted so much because we “look fine”, but it’s so invalidating to have your struggles questioned just because the symptoms aren’t as visibly obvious.
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Quote from left page: “[Maria] doesn’t know the full scope of what [Shadow] has been designed for, but she understands he will be under tremendous strain. She’s helped me conceptualize a number of accessories that will help focus his power and aid in his mobility.”
So we now have confirmation that Shadow’s air shoes and inhibitor rings are akin to mobility aids. I headcanoned this but I didn’t know they’d flat out confirm it like that. My favourite character is canonically disabled physically (and I’d argue mentally given his PTSD). I don’t have much to say about this besides being happy that my favourite character is now even more relatable.
It also makes a lot of sense for Maria to help create them because she has experience with her own disability and can offer a perspective that an able bodied person couldn’t. That and it makes Shadow’s connection so much stronger. His mobility aids were designed by Maria. He didn’t just help her with her disability - she helped with his. He wouldn’t be able to function without what she and Gerald created for him.
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Quote from the right: “Back on Earth [Maria’s?] parents have been blessed with another little girl. They’re already run tech(?) and she has none of the genetic markers like to [Maria’s] condition. While this was welcomed news, the unspoken commentary was received loud and clear.”
(I am assuming they’re talking about Maria’s sister, but I guess they could also be talking about her cousin.)
So did Maria’s parents see their new daughter as a replacement? If I’m reading that correctly, it’s so sad. Do you think Gerald told Maria about her sister/cousin? If she did know about it, I bet she was excited to meet her. But I get the feeling that her parents back home didn’t really care about her anymore given what Gerald says in his journal. It hurts that much more when you consider how much Maria wanted to go home, perhaps even return to her family.
I feel like all of this makes Maria’s death more tragic for both Gerald and Shadow. For Gerald, he did so much reason and sacrificed so much in order to try and find a cure for Maria. He supported her when no one else did. And from his perspective, despite her illness and the judgement of others, including potentially her own family, she was still positive. And yet she was killed, and he only found out about her death because of a report that had her name on it (I think anyways?).
From Shadow’s perspective, she is the person who gave his name meaning. Despite most being distant and weary of her, she was immediately friendly to him and helped teach him about the world. She helped created the devices used to reduce his pain and control his powers. He quite literally carries part of him with her. She was his sole reason for existing for a long time. And despite being this super supportive, kind, loving person, she was killed. I can imagine him being mad at Gerald for messing with his memories, but I figure there’s a degree of understanding, even if he doesn’t fully agree with what Gerald did. The difference between them both is Shadow’s purpose shifted beyond Maria while Gerald’s did not. Anyways, I digress - this post is about disability rep, not Shadow lore.
I love this and Dark Beginnings for their direct and indirect disability rep. My love for Shadow and Maria has only grown and I have a deeper appreciation for Gerald. I wish more people were as understanding as he is towards people with invisible disabilities.
I don’t really have a conclusion. I just really wanted to yap about the journal entries.
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oneofstarkskids · 1 month ago
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memories
dick grayson x reader
genre: fluff
summary: when dick gets hurt, he knows exactly who to go to. the only person he ever really feels safe with.
requested by @daughterofposeidonsblog
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the gotham city street noise was like a background ambience as you read your mystery novel.
it was getting far too late to be awake, but the turn of events had your nerves all bundled.
the suspense was killing you and you were so engrossed that you hadn't noticed the man in your window until it was too late.
the glass squeaked as he slid it shut, causing you to flinch and snap your head in his direction.
"oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack," you said before sighing shakily.
you heard him laugh softly, though it sounded more like a grunt.
that wasn't good.
the dim light from the lamp wasn't nearly enough for you to see what kind of shape he was in. you almost wished you hadn't.
you stood up to turn on the overhead light and finally took in the full extent of his injuries.
cuts. scrapes. bruises. stab wounds. you name it. and by the sound of his breathing he must've had a couple broken ribs to top it all off.
"what happened," you asked, making your way towards him and trying not to show your panic. you knew that if you did, he would just brush it off and act like he was fine.
"it's been a pretty bad night," he joked with a laugh that couldn't hide the glossiness of his eyes.
you furrowed your brows and tried to move quickly.
he threw an arm around you and limped towards the couch you'd just been snuggled up on.
you carefully tried to lay him down, "don't move."
dick watched as you left the room and came back moments later holding the necessities. a first aid kit, alcohol wipes, gauze, and stitches just in case.
he trusted you. you'd done this enough times by now.
you pulled your hair back before squatting down by his side. "i need you to take your shirt off," you said plainly.
dick grinned, "thought you'd never ask."
you shook your head. how could someone be so cocky in this state.
he lifted his torso a bit as you helped him get out of the tight spandex. his chest was covered in a sheen of sweat and though he was littered in bruises, you couldn't help but stare.
"like what you see, darling?" dick asked with a smirk.
you cleared your throat before getting to work on some of his surface level cuts. you hated the way he hissed and winced every time the cold alcohol came in contact with his skin.
and then of course there was a nasty stab wound in his leg that needed immediate attending to.
he shook his head.
"dick grayson! I am not letting you bleed out on my couch!" you told him.
he couldn't argue with you if he tried, so he squeezed his eyes shut. there was no way he could watch.
you reached for his leg and felt his hand grip your shoulder for support. the little affectionate action made you smile a bit before you stitched him up.
finally, you wrapped some bandage around his leg to hold it all together.
as you began cleaning up, his head fell back against the couch. chest heaving. he was staring up at the ceiling with more than exhaustion.
behind all the jokes and the flirting, there was something deeper. something he wasn't telling you.
you reached for his hand, "are you okay? you know you can talk to me, right?"
those beautiful blue eyes met yours. there was a sort of sadness in them. a bit of fear.
"tonight had me thinking. in my line of work...a lot of people die," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat.
you stood up before sitting next to him, careful not to hurt him. you turned his face towards yours to look into his eyes, "you're not going to die."
dick's face scrunched with agony, "not me. you. what if you get hurt. or worse..."
you shook your head, "i'm not going anywhere either."
dick nodded half-heartedly, "i guess I'm just saying...please don't ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere."
you gently lean your forehead against his, "not a chance."
he closes the distance between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours and pulling you even closer with a hand behind your neck.
and you held onto him too, like holding onto the memories.
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anemoelliacia · 1 year ago
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the five times neuvillette knew he loved you
warnings: minor 4.2 spoilers, female reader, major fluff minus a sad neuvi who needs comforting in one part
▶ i recommend listening to the song till forever falls apart by ashe and finneas while reading this chapter <3
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The first instance was when he saw you making a routine out of regularly interacting amongst the Melusine with nothing but care, practically treating them like your own children. The Melusine are virtually your favorite people in Fontaine, besides him of course. You’re always sure to greet them, never messing up their pronouns, and giving them presents on their birthdays. It is also a common occurrence for you to give them handmade lunches. The first time Neuvillette saw you in the Palais Mermonia, giving Sedene a handmade lunch his heart swelled with affection for you, the sweetest person he has ever had the privilege of meeting. He watched you in admiration, speculating that this feeling in his chest must be love developing for you. 
Secondly, is how you taste water with him despite how silly everyone thinks it is. You never fail to cooperate with tasting different waters, assuring him that you can in fact taste the difference, even going so far as to pick a favorite to make him happy by participating in his hobby. You even created a hierarchy ranking system just to rank which waters you like, and which you don’t. Neuvillette loves when you engage in the hobby of water tasting with him, and he thinks he’d wouldn’t rather share this with anyone else but you, because no one else is more worthy of drinking the more expensive speciality bottled waters he has. He thinks, “Maybe I love her and that is why I wish so much to share my hobby with her?”
Thirdly, was the first time you bid him goodbye when he left for work in the morning. He had spent the night at your house for the first time as well, and waking up to you the next morning was almost the sweetest part of everything that happened. You practically begged him to stay for the day, to blow off work- even though you know he really can’t. He could not help but giggle over how clingy you are in the morning, after you’ve just woken up. This already had warm feelings stirring within him, but then… when he was about to head for the door, that is what had his heart wanting to burst out of his chest. You stopped him before he walked out, kissing him on the cheek and fixing his crooked collar. The moment was so sweet and domestic. He felt heat rising on his cheeks as you walked him out the door telling him that you’d bring him lunch later. As he walked the rest of the way to the Palais Mermonia, his thoughts were only filled with you, replaying that moment in his head and thinking, “is this what love truly feels like?”
Fourthly, was when Charlotte asked him about you during an interview. Charlotte finally got that interview she wanted with Neuvillette, and she just had to get the hottest scoop on him. She asked him many work related related questions, but she couldn't not ask him about you after she saw the two of you together- she needs a good story! She asked him, “So, Monsieur Neuvillette, I saw you at the cafe with a woman a few days ago, care to tell me who that was?” and Neuvillette’s face immediately lights up at the mention of you, he goes, “oh, that is my beloved…” He practically goes on a rant saying sweet things about you, but he catches what he is doing and cuts himself off with a clearing of his throat as his face starts to go pink. Charlotte is standing there smiling at him widely and she says to him, “You sure seem to like her a lot don’t you?” Neuvillette does not hesitate to answer, “yes, I think it is safe to say I like her a lot, perhaps I am even growing to love her…” knowing it will be the top story in the Steambird newspaper within a few days that Fontaine’s one and only chief justice has found a lover. 
The fifth and final instance was the first time you comforted him after a hard trial. Since the Oratrice Mecanique d'Analyse Cardinale is no longer working due to recent events, he has taken charge of deciding people's verdicts on his own. Which, as you can imagine, is a draining task- especially when a criminal’s charges are of a sensitive matter. One day, after a particularly hard case, that hurt him to have to sentence the person as guilty… all he wanted was to be in your company. He showed up at your doorstep in the pouring rain, his clothes soaked completely through. Of course, you immediately rushed him inside and gave him a change of clothing. While he was changing, you threw a pot of tea on the stove for him- and he couldn’t be more thankful for you. He quietly drank his tea in your company to warm up after being chilled to the bone from rain soaked clothing, and you stayed with him not forcing him to talk about what was wrong until he was ready. When he was ready to talk, he tugged you along to your bed to cuddle with you. For once, you held him as he spilled his hardships from the day, the rain outside never letting up; however, he quickly settled into the comfort you gave him, growing to feel at ease- and that is when he knew. He loves you, with every fiber of his being. So, he finally says, “I love you with all my heart.” and all you can do is reply that you feel the same, holding him tighter.
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▶ if you liked this, then check out the other parts linked in my masterlist :) every genshin man i write for is getting their own part.
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anonsturniolo · 2 months ago
Text
spider-man — chris sturniolo
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paring — spiderman!chris x f!reader
genre — fluff, golden retriever energy, Chris being hurt, solved angst
word count — 1.5k
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He was late, and by 3 whole hours. You had saw on the news about the giant lizard that had wrecked the Williamsburg Bridge, but you had turned it off. You couldn't stomach watching how your boyfriend traveled across the bridge at such dangerous heights, trying to fight a creepy monster.
You walk over to the window that was right next to the fire escape to your loft, sliding it open. That was how Chris usually entered your place, especially if he was still in his suit. You checked your phone, turning your back to the open window.
Still no text or call from Chris.
You let out a deep sigh, turning towards the window just in time to see Chris shooting his last web so he was able to land safely onto the fire escape.
He lifts a hand and tugs off his mask, leaning onto the windowsill, "Hey pretty lady, do you leave your window open for jus' anybody?" Chris teases you, a grin on his split open lip.
Relief floods through you, "Chris!" You half shout, immediately reaching for him. You help him climb into your room, frowning as he grunts in pain at shifting his body to fit through the window.
"I wish your spider would've given you like, super speed healing or something." You murmur to him quietly, easing him onto your reading chair. He winces out a laugh, leaning back and letting his shoulders fall.
"I wish, but it's a good thing I don't heal too fast." He replies, making you look at him as if he was crazy, "It keeps me humble."
"Oh my god." You sigh, placing a hand over your eyes in disbelief. You spin on your heel, heading for your bathroom to grab the first aid kit you keep for when Chris comes to you all banged up from a fight.
Once you’ve gathered what you needed, you head back into your room. Chris was slowly stepping through your window, but by some miracle he stumbled and crashed to the floor.
So much for these “spidey senses” he’s always raving about.
“Chris, are you okay?” You ask, a soft laugh escaping you. Chris’ head shoots up to glare at you, but he can’t fool you. A smile tugs at his lips, “Yeah, laugh it up chuckles.” He playfully sneers, letting you help him stand up. You sit him down on the singular chair you had in your room so you could tend to his wounds.
Chris winces as you apply the wet washcloth to wipe away the blood on his face, being mindful of his lip that was split open. You go to grab the ointment, before deciding that’s not necessary. It’ll heal before it has a chance to be infected.
“Any broken bones I’m unaware of?” You ask him, leaning back to look him in the eye. He shrugs, a wince appearing on his features, “Some ribs probably.” You decide quietly, helping him take off his suit.
A gasp rips from your throat as his chest and stomach were revealed, bruises ranging from a light purple to a deep purple and yellow scattered his skin. You grip onto his shoulder softly, your eyes filling with tears as you look up at him.
“Baby…” You trail off, wanting nothing more than to take his pain away. He defends an uncountable amount of people just to end up hurting and suffering once it’s said and done.
“I’m fine.” Chris frowns at you, gently cupping your face to tear your eyes away from his body. He never minded when you stared, he just hated seeing you look so sad.
You stayed quiet as you helped him change into a t-shirt and a pair of sweats he had left lying around, getting him comfortable in your bed.
“Where are you goin’ baby?” He softly asks, his hand shooting out to grab onto yours.
You leaned down to place a gentle kiss to his head, “Gonna go get us a drink. I’ll be right back.” You promised, and Chris reluctantly let go of your hand.
Making your way into the kitchen and getting out everything you needed to make Chris’ favorite; hot chocolate. You moved quickly, knowing if you took too long he’d join you in the kitchen. Placing mini marshmallows on top was the final touch, carefully picking them up and walking slowly to your room.
“Is that hot chocolate?” Chris excitedly asked, his interest peaked as he watched you walk across the room. You sent him a small smile, rounding the bed and carefully handing him his mug.
You both sip on your drinks silently, the noise from the city making the air around you two lighter.
After a while, Chris speaks up, “Baby, please tell me what’s on your mind.” He sets his mug on your nightstand, his eyes searching yours for questions he knows he can’t answer.
“I’m just…worried.” You whisper, shrugging your shoulders. Your eyes are glued to your mug, your hands tightly clutching it in a way to keep yourself present.
“About me?” Chris questions you quietly, to which you nod.
Your eyes burn as you fight back tears, “Every time you’re late, my brain takes me to a place I could never speak into words. It’s as if every nightmare I’ve ever had has come to life.” Chris nods, encouraging you to keep talking, “You’re on the streets fighting insane creatures and I never know which one will keep you. And it’s fucking horrifying.” The tears are flowing now, having to picture yourself finding out Chris was killed and having to live on without him.
“I promise I’m always bein’ safe,” Chris whispers, taking the mug out of your hand and placing it with his. He’s immediately tugging you into his chest, his arms wrapping around you.
“Nobody is gonna take me out, y’know? I won’t let them.” He murmurs into your hair, holding you tighter as your body shakes with each breath you take.
“You don’t know that Chris, and that’s what scares me the most,” You reply, lifting a hand to grip his tightly, “I don’t think you know your limits, and one day it’s going to catch up to you.” Chris takes in a deep breath at your words, really thinking them over.
Ultimately you were right. He knew that, but he hated that you were. In his mind, he could take on anything and come out standing on top. Chris hated that he kept you up worrying late at night, watching the news and waiting to see if he doesn’t stand back up after a hard hit.
“I’ll…” He trailed off, his brain racing as reality came crashing down around him, “I’ll be more careful. I’ll step out of a fight if I can’t handle it. I don’t want you to worry about me, Ma.”
You nod against his chest, accepting that this will be the first step in the right direction. “Thank you..” You reply softly, focusing on the way Chris’ chest rises and falls with every breath.
“Can I show you something?” Chris suddenly speaks, already shifting to sit up. You nod and watch on curiously as he slips on his suit again, no longer wincing as his body twists and turns.
“C’mon.”
Chris helps you onto the fire escape as your nerves build up, you never liked traveling by his webs. You knew it was safe and everything, but the feeling of free falling for just a second made you almost puke. He wraps an arm around your waist, and the two of you are off.
Your arms are tightly wrapped around his neck, your head resting against his shoulders and your eyes tightly squeezed shut. You could feel Chris chuckle as you took in a sharp breath as he took a rather long time to shoot another web.
He’s crazy.
Finally he landed, and you slowly released your grip on him as you take in the view. Chris had brought you to a secluded rooftop, overlooking the city. The sun was now set, the neon lights lighting up the area beneath you.
Chris turned to you, sliding off his mask, “I brought you here to make you a promise,” he began, his voice thick with emotion. “I know the danger and risks I face everyday, and I can’t bear to think of you getting hurt because of me.” Chris takes a deep breath, grabbing both of your hands as he stands directly in front of you.
“I promise to be more careful, to step back if the fight is getting too rough. I need to be there for you, but that can’t happen if I keep being reckless.” Chris finished with a sweet smile, releasing one of your hands to wipe the stray tear that had slipped from your eye.
Your heart was swelling in your chest, full of love and concern. You reached out with shaking hands, cupping his face gently, “I love you, Chris.” You whispered, your voice trembling as an overwhelming rush of emotion consuming you.
“I love you,” His voice was soft, but his eyes held everything you needed. Love, warmth, and honesty. You leaned in and Chris met you half way, your lips meeting in a tender and sweet kiss.
Maybe everything would be fine after all.
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authors note — shut up I literally love this sm where is my spider man chrissss.
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percyluvr · 9 months ago
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hiii !! could you please do percy x apollo reader where she's like this super sunny girl and everyone thought that her and her ex were perfect together but her ex ends up breaking up with her after losing interest. and maybe the breakup kind of splits everyone into sides because it was healthy but also heartbreaking (and percy, without even knowing, is somehow is her #1 advocate to everyone even if they don't know each other / barely ever talked before) and everyone watches as she slowly loses her spark and stops showing up for things, stays in bed all day, stuff like that and percy suddenly feels her absence and has enough of it and helps her pick up the pieces of her heart. he doesn't really pressure her to date or anything he just tries to be there for her by brightening her mood and teasing her and stuff and eventually he helps her move on from her ex. and like maybe a couple months pass of them being friends but also lowkey more than that and she confesses to him after annabeth or her friend makes her realize that she actually like LIKES percy when she loses it in a mad or a sad way at the sight of him with another girl (and she usually has her emotions in control) but yeah thats basically it !! thank u for reading this :)) hope ur having a good dayy
percy jackson x daughter of apollo!reader summary: your boyfriend breaks up with you and percy becomes your #1 defender, falling in love with you in the process wc: 4286
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You, along with pretty much everyone else at camp, thought that your relationship was perfect. Being with your boyfriend was like a fairytale to you, but apparently it wasn't for him.
"Hey, so um, thanks for meeting me. I hope this isn't too random, but I just don't think our relationship is working anymore, and I think you feel it too," he says, looking into your eyes. If you weren't so in love with him, you probably would've smacked the crap out of him for this. You'd never been happier in your relationship, and he thought it wasn't working? You weren't quite sure if you were mad or sad in this moment.
"Oh. If that's what you think, then I agree," you reply, sadly smiling at him, trying to pretend that your heart wasn't breaking into a million little pieces.
"Alright, I still really like you and I hope we can be friends still," he says, and you know that he's saying it without malicious intent because he really is a good guy, which makes you even more frustrated.
"Sure, of course we can."
He gives you a hug and tells you to have a good day.
How are you supposed to have a good day when you just got dumped by the love of your life? You genuinely wished you could be mad at him, but he was just such a genuine and nice guy that you couldn't. You know that he only said it out of the good of his heart and because he didn't want the relationship to actually go downhill, but you were still frustrated and sad.
As if your day wasn't bad enough already, news of your breakup had already spread throughout camp, and everyone was looking at you with sympathetic looks. You had hoped to the gods that you could go at least a day before this happened, but of course not.
You got your food and sat down at your table, your siblings immediately crowding around you and asking you questions and trying to comfort you. You could hear people at the other tables talking about the breakup, and from what you could hear, people were taking "sides" in your breakup, even when they thought it was mutual.
"Hey, I heard about what happened. I'm so sorry, but we're all here for you, okay?" You hear one of your sisters say, but it doesn't really register. At this point, you feel numb, and you aren't really hearing anything people are saying anymore.
Later that day, you're sitting by the river, small sniffles being all you can manage to muster up after crying your heart out for the last 45 minutes. You're looking out at the water, thinking about what went wrong, when you hear footsteps approaching.
"Are you okay?" You hear an unfamiliar voice ask.
You don't even bother looking up. It's probably just another person here to tell you how they're on your side.
"No, but it's fine," you reply.
The person sits down next to you, and you finally look over, finding Percy Jackson sitting to your right.
He looks back at you, "hey, I'm Percy. Sorry if I'm interrupting, but I was just coming over to swim and I heard you crying."
"No, it's fine. I don't own the beach," you weakly laugh. "My boyfriend broke up with me today, if you're wondering why I'm crying."
"Yeah, I heard about that. I'm really sorry that happened to you, you seem really sweet."
"Thanks, but it's okay. He wasn't rude about it or anything, just said that he didn't think our relationship was working and that he hoped he could still be friends," you muttered.
He makes a sympathetic sound then says, "that's almost worse. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that, especially if the person is genuine."
"Yeah, it really broke my heart. He was so genuine about it, and that's what really hurt. He still cares about me but he just doesn't love me anymore," your voice cracks in the middle of your sentence, and you look back at the water.
"Jeez, that seriously sucks. But hey, I'm sure it's not you that was the problem, maybe what he wanted in a relationship just changed?" It sounded like he was going to say more, but you made a sob-like sound and he immediately shut his mouth.
"I'm sorry, I'm really not good at this," he says awkwardly after a moment of silence.
"It's okay. If it helps, I do feel a bit better at least. You're not as bad as you think you are," you look over at him and he's already looking at you.
The two of you talk a bit more, before you excuse yourself to your cabin, not telling him why, but he suspected that you were going to cry more, and it made him sad to see you like this.
The two of you weren't friends, you were barely even acquaintances, but Percy now felt responsible for defending you. Every time he overheard a conversation where people were taking your ex-boyfriend's side, he would walk over there and set them straight, telling them how great you were and how the breakup wasn't your fault at all, and he should've been grateful to have you, even though the breakup wasn't messy at all.
People started to joke that he was the leader of your fan club, which secretly made him feel all weird inside. At the time he didn't know what he was feeling, but when he looked back at it, he knew that this was when he started to fall in love with you.
If, even a month ago, someone would've told Percy that the girl he'd always had a tiny crush on would've been single, and he was now openly defending you like his life depended on it, he would've first told them there's no way you did anything wrong, so what was he even defending you from? And second, he absolutely does not have a crush on you. Lastly, he would ask if you were really single, but not that he was asking for himself, he was definitely asking for a friend.
"Dude, you need to calm down defending her. She's not gonna let you hit just because you're taking her side," some camper makes the mistake of saying to his face.
"What the hell is your problem? Not everyone is trying to get a girl to 'let him hit.' Some of us are just decent human beings defending our friends," Percy says, before promptly soaking the guy in water and walking away.
This incident was just one of many where a camper makes the mistake of talking bad about you. At this point, he was one of the two people at camp that didn't know he was falling for you. You were the other, obviously, because how could you know someone else was in love with you when you were busy wallowing in your sorrows in your cabin?
About a week after you were broken up with, you began to distance yourself from all of the activities at camp, including the ones that once brought you so much joy. You'd never thought of yourself to be someone that would drown in their own sorrows, but then again, you'd never really experienced anything that would've proved yourself otherwise.
So, here you were, cuddled up in bed under about 5 blankets, mascara stains under your eyes, a box of tissues next to you, and another romcom on the TV, when you could've been outside doing archery or in the infirmary gossiping with your siblings like you would've done before the breakup. Your heart was aching so badly that you could barely even wake up in the morning. After your talk with Percy, you thought that it was easing up, even though that was only hours after the breakup actually happened, but you couldn't have been more wrong.
After a few days of this behavior from you, Percy was sick of it. He was sick of not being able to see you, and he was sick of you being sad. He went to the Stoll brothers and asked them to smuggle some ice cream in for him, as well as a stuffed animal and paid them extra to do it as fast as they could.
Every few hours, your siblings and friends would come into the cabin and check up on you, sometimes staying to watch a movie or two with you before leaving again and telling you to come get them if you needed anything. You heard the door to the cabin open again. Thinking it was just another one of your siblings, you ignored it and continued watching your movie. What you didn't expect was for Percy Jackson to be standing in front of you mere seconds later.
"Hey, I'm sorry it took me so long to stop by. I brought some ice cream, I don't know if it'll help or if you even like this flavor, but I thought it might help," he says, an awkward smile on his face, awaiting a response.
"Oh, well, thank you," you say, wiping your face, now slightly embarrassed about the mascara that was staining it.
"Hey, don't worry about the mascara, I get it. Well, I don't get it get it, but y'know what I mean, right?"
You let out a small laugh. "Yes, Percy, I get what you mean."
"Oh! I also brought this teddy-bear. It's the sunshine care bear, 'cause you're an Apollo kid," he smiles.
"Aww, thank you so much, Percy. It means a lot to me. Do you want to stay and watch movies with me?" You ask, desperately hoping he'll say yes.
"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to," he replies.
You scoot over in the bed, patting the spot next to you, signaling Percy to sit down, and he obliges.
"So, what are we watching?" He asks.
"Well, I'm starting to run out of romcoms, so I've started to rewatch some. We're about to watch 10 Things I Hate About You," you say with a smile.
"What's it about?"
You explain the plot, and he listens with genuine interest.
This situation happens a few more times, before he finally asks you if you're ready to come back to camp activities. He doesn't add that he misses you when he's out there, but he desperately wants to. He refrains from any flirting because he doesn't want to pressure you, but it kills him to not be able to tell you how much he already likes you, even after just a few days of hanging out with you.
You tell him yes, and you'll be back to doing your activities tomorrow, to which he's overjoyed. He's never been happier in his life, and the two of you aren't even dating. Even when you are ready to date, if you still don't like him, he realizes that he would be happy just to be your friend.
When you're back to your regular responsibilities at camp, you realize just how much you've missed it. It takes a bit before you get back into the ropes of archery, but one wouldn't say you were bad. As an Apollo kid, you could never really be bad at archery, which you appreciated. Once you'd gotten the hang of it again, you realized how much you missed it. Archery had always been relaxing to you, not just because you were a daughter of Apollo. Even before you'd come to camp, your mother had you in archery lessons, and you'd enjoyed it even then. You were fully concentrating until you heard a familiar voice calling to you.
"Hey, I'm glad you're back out here. It's so good to have you back," Percy says, pulling you into a hug, the very first hug the two of you had ever shared. It was surprising at first, but you quickly melted into it.
"Yeah, I'm so glad to be back out here. I missed it so much. I owe you so much for getting me out of that bed, I was miserable."
He blushes. "Nah, it's fine. I knew you would feel better being out here, you love it too much to stay holed up in there, even if those romcoms were good," he jokes.
"Right? I knew you liked them," you say with a smile. "But yeah, you're right. I love being out here with everyone, and I love archery too much to give it up to cry over a boy."
He solemnly nods. "Yeah, I just can't tell you enough how good it is to see you out here. You look so much better, y'know? Your skin is like, glowing again."
You smile. "Thank you," you're about to say more when you hear a voice, specifically a voice belonging to the last person you wanted to see right now.
"Hey! It's good to see you out here," your ex-boyfriend says casually, as if he didn't rip your heart in two and cause you to become a hermit for 2 weeks straight. Percy gives him the nastiest look you've ever seen in your life, and try your best to contain your laughter, but you end up letting out a weird choked sound which earns you a smile from Percy and a weird look from your ex-boyfriend.
"Sorry, swallowed wrong," you say to him.
"Oh, alright?" He says confusedly, before trying to give you a hug, to which you not-so-accidentally swerve. He raises his eyebrow and you shrug.
"Uh, anyways. Yeah, good to see you too," you say before walking away with Percy, leaving your ex-boyfriend standing there confused. You didn't mean to be so rude, but you really couldn't stand being in the same vicinity as him right now.
The next day, you're in the infirmary, gossiping and laughing with one of your sisters, when Percy walks in, clutching his arm. You immediately get up, speed-walking over to where Percy is now standing.
"Hey, what happened?" You asked him, ushering him over to one of the beds.
"Was just doing some practice sword-fighting with your ex-boyfriend and he stabbed me right in the arm. I would've just gone to the ocean and healed it with the water, but I wasn't sure if it would heal this," he says before moving his hand from the deep gash on his bicep.
"Oh sweet Apollo, that was not an accidental stab. Sit here, put your hand back over it, I'll be back in a second," you say before rushing off to collect some supplies.
When you come back, you see Percy sitting with his eyebrows furrowed, muttering some unsavory things under his breath.
"Here, give me your arm," you request, to which he obliges.
You gently wrap his arm with gauze, noticing how intimate your position was and feeling awkward. You didn't want to mention it, not knowing if Percy felt the tension too. You tried to finish up as quickly as possible, hoping the awkward atmosphere would vanish. Unfortunately, it did not. When you finished, you noticed that Percy was staring at you with a weird look in his eyes.
"Um, I'm done, if it still hurts, I can get you some painkillers," you say, scratching the back of your head awkwardly.
Apparently, this breaks him out of his strange trance, and he nods.
"Yeah, uh, painkillers would be good," he replies, still in a slightly dazed state.
You rush out of the room as quick as you can, trying to avoid his gaze. When you were browsing the painkillers trying to find the best for his situation, you kept replaying the scene in your mind. You were trying not to be delusional, but you swore that when you caught Percy staring at you, he started to blush. You pushed it out of your thoughts and brought the medicine to him.
"Take two to four of these every six hours, and the pain should be gone in about two to three days," you said, handing him the container.
He nodded. "Okay, thank you. Maybe you can prescribe some pills to calm your ex down or something," he joked.
You laughed softly. "I wish we had any that would help. Just try to stay away from him. The breakup was his idea so I really don't get what his problem is," you say.
Percy shrugs, and the conversation ends.
Over the next few weeks, you see Percy in the infirmary more than you've seen him there in the past 4 years combined, which is odd, but you don't really think much of it. The injuries are all very small, and he could definitely heal most, if not all with water, but you don't comment on this, as you've really been enjoying having Percy's company during the day.
A few months pass on, and it's another slow day at the infirmary. You're talking with your sister and drinking lemonade, when something outside catches her attention.
"Hey, do you mind if I leave for today? I saw my man walk past just now. I'm thinking today is the day I confess!" Your sister tells you.
"Yeah, sure. I doubt anyone else will come in today anyway. Go get him, girl!" You encourage.
She basically runs out of the infirmary, making you laugh.
A few minutes later, Percy is back. You weren't expecting him back today, as he'd already been here this morning, but he was always welcome.
"Hey, Percy. What happened now?" You ask.
"Oh, I'm fine. A bunch of other people are going to the beach later, and I was just wondering if you were going to be there," he says shyly.
"Hm, I guess it really wouldn't hurt. When did they say they'd be there?"
"Uh, they said they were planning to go in around 30 minutes, I think," he replies.
"I mean, there's no one else scheduled to be at the infirmary today, but it's pretty slow today, so I guess it'd be fine," you conclude.
"Alright, awesome, cool. I'll see you there then," he said before rushing out. You looked out the window and the sight of him jumping up and down and cheering made you laugh harder than you'd laughed in a long time. He looked back through the window and saw you already looking at him. He gave you a pained look and ran off.
"Wow, I sure choose normal people to be friends with," you mutter to yourself before writing a note and putting it on the infirmary door saying that it'd be empty for the rest of the day. You went to your cabin and began changing into your swimsuit. You put a pair of jean shorts and a yellow tank top on over your swimsuit and grabbed a towel.
You talked to your siblings that were in the cabin for a bit before heading down to the beach. You spotted Percy sitting on his towel, looking at everyone else that was swimming. You put your towel down next to his and sat down.
"Hey waterboy, whatcha lookin' at?" You asked.
"Nothing really, was just waiting for you so we can swim," he says, smiling over at you.
"Alright, let's go then," you say, taking off your shorts and tank top as Percy watches, not noticing how intensely he was staring until you cleared your throat.
"Are you going to just sit there and stare at me, or are you gonna come with me to the water?" You teased, causing him to blush a deep red.
He immediately takes off his shirt, revealing his toned abdomen, which you should've expected, he was a swimmer after all. You were in awe, but he spoke up, "now look who's staring."
He grins at you before grabbing your hand and running to the water. Your shorter legs had a hard time keeping up with him, but you somehow managed.
The two of you splashed and swam until the water began to get cold. You both raced back to the towels, bundling up and sitting on the beach.
"Hey, we're going to have a bonfire, if you guys want to come," Connor Stoll says to you and Percy.
"Yeah, sounds cool," Percy replies for the both of you.
"Alright man, awesome. We're going now, so."
You and Percy grab your stuff and follow Connor to the campfire.
As the sun sets, you're all chatting and roasting marshmallows.
"Hey, Perce. Thanks for inviting me, and thank you for helping me get over my break up. We weren't even really friends before and you still helped me. I don't know what I would've done without you," you confess.
"Yeah, yeah. It's no problem. I mean, you're really sweet, and I'm glad to call you my friend now, too."
You smile, and spend the rest of the night quietly talking to Percy, which catches Annabeth's eye.
The next day, you hear a knock on your cabin door. You open the door to probably the last person you would expect to be there, Annabeth Chase.
"Hey, what's up? Who're you here for?" You ask.
"You," she says, causing your eyebrow to raise.
"It's nothing bad, at least, not for me."
"Uh, okay," you say, stepping out of your cabin and closing the door behind you.
Annabeth sits down on the steps, and you follow.
"So, I noticed you and Percy last night at the bonfire," she says with a small smirk on her face.
She must've seen the confused look that flashed across your face, because she laughs. "You two were all over each other, I swear. You two are so in love it makes me sick. There's no way neither of you have noticed this. I'm not even going to bother bringing it up to Percy because he has seaweed for brains, I swear. But you're smart, so I'm saying this to you. You two like each other, and it's physically paining everyone else at camp to see you two pining over each other like idiots. Please, for the love of the Gods, tell him how you feel, because I guarantee he feels exactly the same. That's all."
If there was any time to take a bow, it would've been after that speech, you think.
"Well, after that I guess I have no other choice," you joke.
This seems to satisfy her, because she gets up and pats you on the shoulder before walking away and wishing you luck.
Later that day, you decide that you're going to tell Percy how you feel, consequences be damned. I mean, if Annabeth Chase is telling you to do something, you better do it.
That night, you're standing in front of the Poseidon Cabin, mustering up all your courage to go inside and confess your feelings to Percy. You open the door, and all your confidence that you had conjured up fizzles right out when you see Percy sat on the floor talking to some girl that you didn't know the name of. His eyes catch yours, and you feel the tears forming. You turn around and run out as fast as you can, not caring how crazy you look running through the camp and crying. When you finally reach the beach, you sit down. You didn't expect Percy to follow you, so when you heard footsteps and heavy breathing, you jump up and scream.
"Hey, woah, you're very fast," Percy says in between heavy breaths.
"What do you want?" You ask, tearing streaming down your face.
"Wait, what's wrong?" He asks, clueless.
The question only makes you cry harder.
"Hey, c'mon, don't leave me in the dark, we're friends, right?"
"Yeah, and I guess that's all we'll ever be," you snap.
"What are you talking about?"
"Percy, please," you say, exasperated.
"I don't know what you're talking about, okay. Please just explain."
"Okay, fine," you say, trying to control your crying. "I was going into your cabin to tell you that I like you. No, I don't just like you, I love you, Percy. That's what I was going to tell you. But then I saw you in there with that girl, and it upset me, but at least now I know you don't like me back, so that's awesome."
"Hey, hey, slow down now. Who ever said that I don't like you back?"
"What?"
"You just said that I don't like you back, but I never said that, okay?"
"But what about that girl?" You ask.
"She's from the Aphrodite Cabin, she was helping me figure out how to tell you that I like you. No, I love you," he says your name, and you feel the blood rush to your cheeks.
"Oh," you say, now feeling extremely stupid.
"Yeah."
"Well, um. I'm sorry for freaking out on you," you manage to squeak out.
"Hey, it's fine, okay? I probably would've done the same thing if I was you, don't worry about it," he says, grabbing your hand in between his two larger ones.
"So, um, what now?" You ask.
"Well, we could always kiss," he jokes, not expecting you to actually say yes.
When he feels your full lips on his, he feels like crying, and he thinks he actually does, if the salty taste in his mouth is any sign.
You kiss for what feels like hours, breaking apart for air.
"So, uh, what would you rate that kiss out of 10?" He jokingly asks, breaking the silence.
"Um, probably a 9. But I could rate more accurately if I got to experience it again," you say, and he immediately takes you up on this, crashing your lips together in a somehow more passionate kiss than before.
a/n: okay so i DEFINITELY went crazy with this, but it was just such a good request so thank you saur much and i hope you like this !! i tried to follow it as closely as possible but i got kinda carried away on some parts,, this is also the longest fic i've ever written on this app so do with that what u will
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sanzaibian · 5 months ago
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I look at my watch, it’s already 3 PM. He is one hour late, although I feel that he’s not as much late as he is not coming.
I sigh, and go back to the locker room. I wanted to surprise him by waiting in the lobby shirtless, but after so much time loitering and being told off multiple times by the staff, I guess I must cut my losses. I knew that he wasn’t all that fussed about me wish for a second date in the gym, even if he seems to be a health nut, but still, ghosting me like that really hurts…
As I walk next to the mirrors in the locker room, I look at my body.
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Honestly, with a body like that, guys should be drooling and yearning to be my boyfriend ! Yet, when I go on Grindr to find dates, I can only find people who will take me for a quick fuck, and never agree to anything further along… And this is why, no matter how fat my muscles are, how much hair is dusted on my body, how symmetric my face is, or just… how conventionally attractive to a gay audience I may be, I find myself waiting for a whole hour for a prince charming who will never come.
With a disappointed face, I walk towards my locker. By now, it’s no use to try and squeeze in an actual workout in addition to that whole hour full of variants of nothing – not that I really want to work out at all. However, as I reach my locker, I suddenly notice Ilham standing there in gym clothes, that he has presumably just put on.
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I guess you can call him a friend ? In the barest of sense ? We do talk sometimes, only the bare minimum, but he’s always the one who leads the conversation… Well, you can’t fault me he’s so ridiculously hot without even trying, it makes me feel self-conscious even when I look how I look ! And, as if on queue, he notices my gloomy expression, and immediately confronts me about it.
“Hey Vítor ! Good workout ? Why do you look so sad like that ?” He asks, way too energetic for the situation. - Ah, it’s nothing, I had a gym date, but I was ghosted…” I answer succinctly. I don’t want to dwell on it too much. - Oh…” I can almost see the gears turning in his head, as he tries to makes sense of what I say, before he gets it. “Oh ! I’m so sorry, bro ! What a bitch to abandon you like this ! Ya know, I know a few girls I could hook you up with, I’m sure they wouldn’t do that ! - I’m sorry, girls won’t do.” I smile at his answer. “Once again, I’m gay ! - Sorry bro, I forgot again ! I swear I can make up to you !” He apologies.
He’s Azerbaijani, and due to how homosexuality is seen over there, he has a really hard time conceiving of masculine gay people. But he tries, and that’s by far the most important.
“Don’t worry, don’t worry ! But I won’t hold you up too much, especially since I already butchered my workout by waiting for him.” I urge him, as I do want to come home sooner than later. - Oh, too bad… then see you next time, bro ! Have a good afternoon ! - Have a good workout !”
He smiles to me while I wave him goodbye, visibly trying to empathize with me, before leaving the locker room in a small trot. This is how far our “friendship” goes, just simple courtesy when we see each other in the gym, which isn’t often since I don’t have a lot of time to go in the first place, and nothing beyond. I could likely try to deepen our relationship, but I feel we don’t actually have much in common, since he’s much more of a social butterfly than I’ll ever be, no matter how eager he may seem to get to know me, with all of these allusions of making me meet people or inviting me to parties.
Finally reaching my locker, I open it and find inside all my regular clothes, my phone and my other belongings, as expected. However, I also find a small piece of paper inside.
Curious, I examine it, and notice that there are actually stuff written on it. Handwritten. A secret message ? In the gym ? That’s weird…
It reads :
“You with no name and no house, do not forget who you are.”
I try to find a signature of any kind, but I do not find anything but this… warning ? poem ? I don’t really know what it’s supposed to be…
But whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to have much substance. I guess it’s not that important for me to take further notice of.
I stick the piece of paper inside my bag and take my clothes. I’m happy to have thought of taking two sets of clothing, since with loitering this long in the lobby, the staff needs to see me leaving, even if it originally was in order to have something to wear for the after-workout date. So I change, I stock everything in my bag, and leave the gym, bidding farewell to the staff at the same time.
Once I’m out of the gym, I look around to find somewhere secluded enough. I wouldn’t want to do anything in public, after all. So I walk around a bit, until I find a public bathhouse, in which I enter, since it is perfect for what I’m about to do.
See, I have quite a big secret… or rather, you know the secret, but you don’t know why it is a secret…
Suddenly, my muscles start mellowing out, my abs fading, while the rest seem to deflate. My pecs start retreating inside my body while my shoulders narrow, losing at the same time all the muscle mass making them fuse into my neck. My v-line disappears, my calves and my arms thin out, and I’m losing mass all round. At the same time, the light dusting of hair on my torso starts thinning out, just like my big beard, losing loads of length until only a few short hairs on my lip and on my chin remain. My hair also grows wildly, covering my forehead in messy coiled hair, losing any order it may have had. And as both of these processes come to an end, I lose a few centimeters of height, while my face rearranges to become more square, my facial features arrange themselves in a less symmetrical way, until it all becomes… well… not a model’s face, just a normal guy’s face.
Here is the secret : the guy that was in the gym wasn’t the real Vítor Nunes. This is the real Vítor Nunes. Just a normal guy, a bit skinny-fat, a bit twinky, a bit nerdy, but most of all an unremarkable guy. And that normal unremarkable guy gets out of his big clothes to go into his small clothes, complete with jeans and a red t-shirt. When everything is secure, I go back out to the street to head to the cafe I go to every time after the gym.
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I think I owe you an explanation.
The way I look right now is the way I always looked – well, minus aging. However, one day, about a year ago if my memory serves me right, I suddenly gained the ability to transform. I still don’t know what caused it, but all of a sudden, when I concentrate, I can change my body to reflect what I have in mind.
Of course, I’m gay, so my first instinct when I discovered this gift was to give myself big muscles, and so they magically grew. God, I loved it, it was so exciting to see my muscles swell in the mirror, it’s really a one-of-a-kind experience ! However, this is also when I learned of the limits of this power : it’s actually really uncomfortable to maintain another form for too long, especially when it’s quite far from my normal form. If you have that experience, it’s a bit like when you are in high heels, everything starts to become tricky to do (don’t ask me how I know that). That’s why when I tried to become a woman, it was so uncomfortable I could barely remain like that for a few seconds before I made my boobs go away. Therefore, while I have access to a very hot persona, I can’t maintain it forever, meaning it’s not actually that useful aside from some kind of party trick.
However, the temptation was always too strong.
I used to be a virgin, both in sex and in romance, and the dream of prince charming was a reoccurring one, especially for someone as lonely as I am. However, with this power, I could spend some time in another body, in a body in which I could look like god amongst men. And so, the Vítor Nunes you saw, the one well-thought out to be as attractive for gay men as I could think of, was born. And it’s using his body that I lost my virginity in what could be its own sub-story.
But it never went beyond that, a quick one-night stand, even though I looked very hot and not very picky. I don’t even know what I am doing wrong ! Like, sure, when I’m on dates, the other guy always wants to directly fuck, but still ! Suddenly, someone hails me.
“Hey ! Vítor ! You hear me ?”
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I’m jerked out of my thoughts, and quickly cobble an answer.
“Oh, er… hey, Satoshi ! I… didn’t notice you here ! - Well, I noticed.” He answers me, dryly.
He’s always been quite dry with me, and I don’t know why. We go to the same university, and are in the same curriculum in writing, although most of our classes reflect our different paths throughout this degree. So we talked in the few classes we had in common, but nothing more, really. I guess he’s the closest person I could classify as a “friend”, and even that is a stretch. Recently, though, he’s been acting quite weirdly. I know that he’s started attending the gym, and he’s also bleached his hair. I wonder if he is trying to impress someone or what...
“What are you doing in this part of town ?” He asks me. - Oh, I… I was just at the gym, I want to be healthier, you see…” I half-lie, hoping he will be convinced. - I see…” He looks at me, squinting. He doesn’t seem convinced. “Well, what matters is that you become the real you. Now, I’m sorry, but I need to go. Bye.”
What ? What was he mumbling ? I look at him as he continues his way opposite to where I’m heading. He seems to be in quite the hurry, I wonder where he’s heading… Recently, he hasn’t got a lot of time, I always find him almost avoiding talking to people, and always disappearing once class is dismissed. Is gym this much of a time-eater or does he also have something I don’t know of ? … N-not that it interests me this much, of course, that’s his own private life !
Ugh… To save myself from my own thoughts, I enter the cafe and go at the back of the file. When I’m finally at the counter, I go to order, before the woman behind the counter, Sandra, recognizes me. I’m a regular at this cafe, after all.
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“Hey Vítor, I didn’t expect you this early ! - Yeah, I had something to do with someone, but he never showed up.” I once again lie by omission, though I admittedly give her a more accurate picture. - Oh, I’m so sorry for you !” She brings her hand on her mouth to empathize with me. She’s always been very expressive. “But speaking of people not showing up, I’m guessing you want an americano, like usual ? - Yes ?” I answer, unsure where she’s heading with this. - Well that’s great ! Because a kind soul actually bought you one !”
Smiling, she gives me an already prepared americano, to which a piece of paper is attached, that I take with a confused look.
“And… to whom I owe the honor ?” In ask her. - Well, that person asked to remain anonymous ! But they told me that you should be able to piece together who they are thanks to this piece of paper I attached !” She answers, radiating in glee. Yeah, she also loves drama. - Okay… well, give them my thanks if you see them, I guess…”
I wave her goodbye and take place at an outside table. Another piece of paper ? It must be a coincidence, the consequences of it not being are way too scary for me to dwell on too much. Yet, when I read it, these consequences seem more and more like reality…
“For you really have a beautiful self, especially when you show your true face.”
It’s the same handwriting as the note I found at the gym ! Plus, when putting the two pieces of paper, it really does seem to be directly talking about my transformations… But who is it, and what do they want from me ? How did they find out about my secret ? And why this sudden… flirty tone ?
I sigh, and quickly drink my coffee. Due to the fact that it has already been prepared, it means that it’s a bit colder than usual, meaning it’s easier to drink. Wait… if it’s barely colder than usual… does this mean that the one having ordered it was here barely a few minutes ago ? But if it’s so, then how could they have slipped another piece of paper inside my locker ?
The caffeine starts hitting my brain, making me mull over the facts and imagine who could be the one to deliver these notes. Whoever they are, they seem to know my routine, since they knew that I would go to this cafe after the gym. It means that it’s very likely someone I know, or at least someone whose face I have already seen. They also have been witness to one of my transformations somehow, so they’ve likely hung out at the gym… or been one of my earlier dates perhaps ?
Everything is confusing, I just cannot find a way to make sense of all of that ! And… what will happen now that my secret is revealed ? Am I suddenly going to become a lab rat, as my weird condition is revealed to all ? Am I going to have to perform weird or even illegal tasks to stave off outing of my power ? Am I going to be recruited by a criminal organization in order to perform heists as an unknown person ?
Looking at my empty cup, I understand I’ve now gone too far in my thoughts. I’m likely not going to be coerced by a criminal ringleader to commit crimes. That’s ridiculous.
I dispose of my cup and head home. I’ve seen enough today, and I really need an actual break. So I take the bus, a few connecting ones until I’m finally back where I live. Before entering, I quickly go to check if there’s anything in the mailbox. And as if on queue, there is, some random account statements and other official stuff… and another of those papers.
They know where I live ! Now I can actually be scared ! For sure they’re going to make me do crimes or intern me inside a research center, I know it ! Shaking, I take out the piece of paper, and read it. It is written with the same handwriting as the others, so it confirms the fact that they do know a lot about me, but… er… eh ? Here is what it says :
“You are always worthy of love, so never forget the above.”
Wait wait wait, from the beginning, the flirty was what it was all actually about ? It is a love declaration ? … I guess it does rule out the criminal possibility… So who could it be ?
Thinking about it… It can’t be Sandra at the cafe, her shift wouldn’t let her go in the gym when I was there, and she was the one saying that they bought the coffee and left me the message. It can’t be Satoshi, although he could have bought me coffee, he couldn’t put the message in my locker, since I didn’t see him entering the gym, and he was actually walking towards the gym when I saw him. Plus, he’s so dry with me I’d think he hates me before I’d think he loves me. It can’t be Ilham, although he could have put his message in my locker before I entered, he’s currently at the gym, so he couldn’t buy me coffee. Plus, to my knowledge, he’s straight, and he’s still learning English, so he couldn’t have written such a complicated “poem”.
And I didn’t see anyone else during my little trip, so it could literally be anyone else !
But wait… looking back at the three pieces of paper, of the sequence they put together… it reminds me of something… I open my door and quickly make my way to my computer. I need to check something. To check a certain creative writing homework I had in first year.
And finding it… yes. I was correct. This is directly taken from it. The homework we did in duo back in first year of college. It’s weird… is it… really him ?
I close back up my computer, put down all of my stuff while continuing to mull over this revelation. But all of my thinking leads me to one conclusion and one only : I need to call him. So I take out my phone and do just that.
“Hello, Vítor ? Why do you call me ?” He asks, picking up almost immediately after me calling. - I just wanted to ask… do you remember our creative homework, back in first year ? - Yeah, I do, of course I do. - And… have you recently used it for anything ?”
I hear a sigh. Of course I was right.
“So you understood that it was me. I think we both have things to say to each other, so let us meet. - I guess we do.”
And so I go back out of my house, back to where it all started. Back to the gym. I walk for a bit, take a few buses, and when I’ve finally arrived, none other than Satoshi was waiting for me in front of the gym.
“Hello again, Satoshi.” I hail him. “So, you said we had to discuss ? - Yes. Let me be clear at first : I know that you have a muscular alter-ego that you can become. I don’t know why, or how, but I know you do. - How… did you know ?” I ask, a bit anxious, while he smiles at my question. - Well, you see… since the beginning of the year, you’ve been quite absent, and it made me quite worried.” He began recounting, feeling in his way of speaking way more personal and warm. “Honestly, while at first I thought to myself that you can have your own life, and that I shouldn’t interfere with it, your presence started to feel… missing.”
Huh, I didn’t know that I turned him down this much when I discovered my power. I thought that everything was just going as usual, only talking while in public transports and all… Yeah, I guess since I started going to the gym to get hookups, I changed my route after class, meaning that it overlapped less… I didn’t consider that…
“So, one day, I decided to follow you. Discreetly, of course, until you went to that gym. I… I didn’t know why you would go in there, but following you, I saw you entering a changing room… and out left a muscular man. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that it was you. - So this is how you understood that I had powers… - Yes. But this is not the end of my tale. Because I then thought of why I cared so much about you not being available. It wasn’t the first time someone would more or less abandon me out of the blue like that, but it was the first time I was this agitated. Especially because our relationship wasn’t that deep, all things considered. This lead me to the conclusion that I… er... want to spend more time with you, and made me realize that… in truth… er…” He blushes, suddenly trailing off and having a hard time to articulate clearly. “That… that I’m in love with you.”
Although I expected it, I still blush. He’s so straightforward ! And… it’s so unexpected, all things considered ! I guess I still had in mind the possibility that he was just trying to hype me up, somehow ?
“And what really angers me most,” He continues “is that you are overt there trying to be as ‘masculine’, as ‘beautiful’ or anything else to woo people, even though you’re already great the way you are ! And how you sabotage yourself by catering to this image of yourself you invented, going to the gym and all…”
I don’t know what to say. I guess I’ve been really focused in being as much of a gym rat as I could, else my cover would be ridiculous…
“Is it like that ?” I can finally manage. “That people don’t bye the muscular self I have ? - No. I- I don’t think that’s it. It’s more that you do it too well, so they don’t see you as anything more than a gym rat. I guess it all feels wrong and not personal, because it’s not you ! You’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not ! B-but… since I have the privilege of knowing who you really are… I want to say that the real you is more. It’s beautiful, and warrants love…” He says, blushing even more. - H-how are you saying this with a straight face…” I answer, smiling, while being swept by the wave of awkwardness he radiates. - I’m not… But I really want to tell you what things really are. Because you deserve it.” He takes a large inspiration. “So. Do you want to go out with me ?”
By now, I fully knew what was coming.
And I know my answer.
“Yes, I do.”
“Hey, I’m home !” I announce, coming back home.
However, I do not find any answer to my call, even though Satoshi is supposed to come to my house this evening. He’s likely not there yet, I’m sure taken by his work, meaning that it’s going to be at least a small while until he makes it here.
I smirk. I know what to do to him. He will hate that, but it will be way too fun an opportunity to pass up. So I go to my room, completely undress, and take out some of the special clothes I still have stashed in the corner of my cupboard. In particular, I take out a very big par of jeans, the kind that would usually never fit me.
Then, all of a sudden, I feel my muscles tense up. They’re pulsating, getting progressively bigger and bigger. My pecs are the most noticeable of all of them, rounding up and sagging down in big globes attached to my torso, but everything else gains in mass. My shoulders crack as they’re pushing apart, muscles growing between them and my neck, and a light dusting of black hair starts appearing on them. They descend all over my body, on my torso, beneath my armpits, in my crotch, and on my legs. My crotch also embiggens, the hose hiding inside taking more and more place, while on the rear side my ass cheeks firm up, and gets bigger just like the pecs upstairs.
As it all happens, my face also itches, as the little hairs that are on it start growing, elongating my face at the same time. These hair grow all over my chin into a long beard, while on my lip they only grow denser. At the same time, my face rearranges to become more conventionally attractive, more symmetrical, and my hair starts shortening a bit, and becoming more well-kept.
As the last few details of my transformation arrange themselves, I put the large jeans on, not even bothering to put on underwear before that. Yup, that’s very sexy alright, he’s gonna hate that ! And so my muscular self takes place in the living room, waiting for his beloved to come.
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Because this time, I know my prince charming will come.
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Hey ! A story (that was again hard to write) for the last few hours of Pride Month, if it's even still on in your part of the world ! ^^'
I hope we in the TF community can recognize all the colors of the rainbow and all the letters of the acronym, including bi (and similar identities) and trans people ! And I also hope that we can all help to build, each to our ability, a better and more tolerant world (especially in the face of the rise of hateful ideologies around the world, yes I'm quivering at the results of my elections ^^')
So yeah, happy pride, everyone !
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loverofpiggies · 4 months ago
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Oh, you watched Fiona and Cake, great!
I am curious, what were your thoughts about like Winter King or first opening? Or like about overall more mature stuff than in og adventure time
So now that I'm doing a huge rewatch of the OG Adventure Time, I will say I adore both in their own ways.
It was really cool seeing the more mature stuff in Fionna and Cake, sort of like the show 'grew up' with the audience, you know? And do NOT get me started on how much my heart was destroyed by Simons entire plight through.
See I never managed to finish the first show, mostly just got distracted, but on my rewatch I can tell I at least got through six seasons. I like how spaced out the original show is, and it makes the really sad shit with like the Ice King hit like a ton of bricks when it happens. It really feels like you're watching all these wacky people live their lives, and occasionally the horror of the Mushroom War reminds you of its effect, through Marceline, and the Ice King, and every character who was forced to live through it. I don't know, it's really nice!
Okay I'm gonna ramble so I'm putting a read more!
I was wondering if on a rewatch I'd get frustrated the way later seasons of Steven Universe made me get frustrated, but it never felt like that at all. It's just been... fun. It's just Finn and Jake on adventures, occasionally having to set down their fun and recognize the horror of things around them, and it's just. DAMN it's just done so well.
I just got to the episode where Finn meets Prismo and makes the wish, and accidentally ends up wielding the power of the crown, and all it did was break my heart. Like I was sitting there, and for a split second I was like 'wow that crown corrupted him really fast!' and then I remembered.... he was like 13 when he got the crown. He was still a child, and when Simon got the crown, he was what, in his 40s? He was just a kid, and couldn't possibly be able to handle or combat the crowns power. It just punched me in the gut.
So I very much enjoy how spaced out and silly the original Adventure Time is, because its such a unique world I love seeing more of it, and I feel like it makes the heavy scenes hit so much harder. With Fionna and Cake, I love how tight the story is and how structured things are. They're both SUCH good shows, with different ways of writing and different vibes and I adore them equally at this point.
ALSO THE WINTER KING, holy shit don't get me started, but I will rant about this mofo
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(These are keychain designs but I decided to put them together on a little canvas)
Firstly, I fucking LOVE the Winter King, and I'm really sad we didn't get more of him. I do wonder if the fact that Fionna's universe wasn't 'canon' during all the universe hopping, that if somehow the multiverse will reverse some things and 'repair' the damage. I'm not even saying that because I want to see the Winter King again, it just absolutely sounds like something that could happen in Adventure Time. Hell, look how they made Fionna and Cake just-- real! Thanks Prismo you're a cool guy.
But in terms of the Winter King as a character, and in terms of his universe? I want SO much more detail. Where is Finn, where is Jake? Marceline either left the Winter King or got killed, so I'm curious there too. The juxtaposition of genuine confidence and whimsy, and the mans incapacity to feel remorse or even real deep sadness (him saying 'Oh! The dead one?' when Simon asked about Betty was... holy shit) he was just an EXTREMELY interesting character, and I so badly want to see more of him.
Also dude was just funny. The fact he straight up admitted he thought about kissing his alternative universe self was so fucking funny, and plays heavily into his narcissistic behavior and tendencies.
On TOP of that, the idea of how he ended up cursing Bubblegum specifically would be so interesting. I read online people assuming when the Ice King did his spell, it was more like "I want Princess Bubblegum to love me, so I'll do a spell so she can understand what I'm feeling and then she'll marry me!" but then the 'understand what I'm feeling' is actually just... "Hey, I feel absolute madness, here, take it off my hands!' and might have just been a huge accident. We certainly can't trust Winter King's words about it.
I don't know. He was so fascinating, and the way he put feelers out to see if Simon would feel the way he does (Specifically talking about making an Ice Betty, then realizing Simon was disturbed so he shrugged it off with a laugh, being like 'no thats immoral obviously haha') and the fact that he was so cautious and smart about avoiding telling Simon how he conquered the crown? Like he would be glad to help and teach Simon how to keep his sanity AND his power... but obviously would have never spoken his secret the more he realized Simon would morally object to it.
I dunno. This character was in the show for 20 minutes and he was so fucking interesting I almost feel robbed. I hope maybe we can get some Adventure Time comics about the guy at the VERY least!
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