#but it makes me sad when people are like oh i wish i could read but i don’t have the attention span blah blah

[musashi]

.

[cetoddle-archive]

it kinda drives me crazy when people say they don’t read cause they don’t have the attention span like. i understand to a point but i also really do believe reading is good for your brain and part of why people have such trouble with their attention spans is because they don’t read

[thecherrygod]

/

[cosmicdenro]

hope u guys don't mind me being a little queer sometimes and talking to myself in the tags, it helps clear my head since people can filter out rant posts easily

[floral-hex]

real sad boy hours

[yamumsyadadd]

mariquita

“Y/n? I want to introduce you to some people. This is Alexia and this is Jenni. They have adopted you and will be taking you home in a few days. Does that sound good?” 

“Home?” 

“Yeah, Pequeño, home with us.” The tall dark haired one spoke. She had a nice smile, calm, safe. The other one looked how you felt uncomfortable, anxious, wishing the world would swallow you whole. 

Over the next few days, Jenni and Alexia had more visits to the group home, eventually taking you home to your new home. It was an apartment, near the beach. It was light and airy, clean and tidy, but not lacking warmth, photos of them on the walls, other people, people you could only assume was their family. 

“Do you want to see your room cari?” You nodded shyly, following their lead up the hallway. 

“This is the bathroom” pointing to a door on the left, “this one is the laundry, you won’t need to worry about that though.” Oh but you would. How else would you have clean clothes?

“That one at the end of the hall is mine and Jenni’s room. You can come in at anytime okay? This, this is your room.” 

It was big. A big bed in the corner of the room with clean, soft bedding. A bookcase in the other corner, a toy box and a desk. 

“All by myself?”

“What?”

“I sleep by myself?” 

“Yes cari. This room” Jenni motions around, “this is all for you. We will need to go shopping and buy some clothes for you. We can buy you more toys or books. Whatever you want.” 

“No thank you. I have my bag.” A sad look was shared between the two adults while you walked around   Observing but never actually touching anything. 

“Do you want to watch TV? Jenni is going to make dinner. We can watch TV or play? Whatever you want.”

“I can help clean? I’m good at that. You can show me where everything is and I’ll clean.” 

“No y/n. You don’t need to do anything like that here. We are the adults, you’re a child. You get to be a child here okay?” 

You didn’t believe a word coming out of Alexia’s mouth. Adults say things like that all the time but then change their mind, it would only be a matter of time before they did. 

Secretly, you took note of where everything went. Where the dishwasher tablets were, the laundry detergent, the mop and vacuum. You were sure going to clean up whatever mess you made. A child is to be seen and not heard right? 

That’s exactly what you did, after every shower, after every meal, after reading or playing the next thing you would do is clean up. You kept everything exactly where it was when you came so neither Jenni or Alexia would get mad. 

—————————————————————————

When they took you to training for the first time it was very overwhelming. Jenni was excited, alexia was more cautious. You were much like alexia, shy, introverted and uncomfortable in big crowds. 

“Amor, stop. She looks scared, just let her calm down a little?” Alexia pulled Jenni aside after trying to introduce yet another teammate to you. The way you picked your fingers and your eyes were wide with fear, she could tell you were uncomfortable. 

It didn’t get any better over the next few weeks and ultimately they both decided it would be better if Alexia’s mami looked after you. That was horrible. The entire time you were there you cried, afraid they wouldn’t come back for you, so much so that you made yourself sick and Eli called them to come back. 

“Hey, hey, Cari. It’s okay. Jenni and I are here.” The scene they walked into broke their heart. You were sat in a corner, rocking yourself back and forth covered in your own sick. Alexia didn’t care, she pulled you into her arms, rocking yourself side to side. 

“She thought you left her, for good.” Eli spoke up, rubbing a hand up and down alexia’s back as she soothed you. 

—————————————————————————

The next few months went the same, while you came out of your shell at home and around a few of the girls, as soon as it was a bigger crowd you retreated. Climbing into either alexia’s lap or Jenni’s and shoving your head up their shirts. Not once did that complain even though you were stretching out their shirts. 

Slowly though, the family that was built started getting ripped apart. Alexia and Jenni tried hard not to fight in front of you but you could hear them when you were up late at night cleaning your room and secretly reading. 

“They fight a lot.” You said to no one in particular as you licked your ice cream. 

Leila and Mapi shared a look over your head, “who do pequeño?” 

“Mami and mama. They think I’m sleeping but I’m not. I hear them. I bet they are fighting right now and that’s why you took me for ice cream before dinner. That’s not allowed.” A silent pause happened before you spoke up again, “Ice cream is bad for adults, mami says you have to run extra when mama eats it.” 

They both realised how perceptive you were. You were quiet, but even at the age of six you knew when things were wrong and boy were they wrong. 

Mami and mama kept fighting and you kept getting sent with Tia Alba or Abuela but on the extra bad days it was Leila and Mapi. Leila and Mapi were the best, always giving you ice cream, buying you the colourful cold drinks and the little toys from the arcade but it added to your mami and mamas fights. 

“You’re not taking her with you Jennifer! Her whole life is here!” 

“Then what do you want me to do? Abandon her with you?” Their fight had been going for a long time, you were supposed to be in your room playing with the new barbies that Mapi got but the yelling was being too loud that you couldn’t think about it anymore. So there you were, sat in the hallway listening to them fight. 

When they finally stopped was when they noticed you, hands over your ears and tears streaming down your face, Alexia all but ran to you, scooping you up and laying you in bed. She stayed with you all night, and many more nights after that. 

From that day on they weren’t fighting with you there, but you knew they were still fighting. When Leila came and got you from the crèche that the club set up for you, you knew something was very wrong. Leila’s face was red, like yours after you cried. 

“What’s wrong lele?” You cupped her face as she bent down to hug you. 

“Nothing princesa. Let’s get some ice cream yeah?” You nodded excitedly, waving goodbye to the carers and pulling Leila out of the room. 

It took a few weeks to find out what the problem was. Your mami was crying a lot and sleeping in bed with you instead of with mama. You overheard some of the bigger girls talking, “Jenni’s going to Paris.” You knew who Jenni was, obviously, your mama but you didn’t know what Paris was. 

So when you got home that night, naturally you asked but that caused yet another argument. 

“Mami didn’t tell me! Don’t yell at her no more! It was pats who said it but she didn’t know I was there cause I wasn’t supposed to be.” You stood up on your chair at the dinner table, trying to make them stop fighting. 

“Cari, sit down.” Alexia motioned for you to sit but you crossed your arms and frowned. 

“Stop fighting and I will.”  

“Fine.” So you sat. Arms still crossed and glaring at your mami. 

“pequeño, I am going to Paris, but I won’t be gone forever.” 

“Just for a sleepover?”

“No pequeño, for a little longer than a sleepover. You know how mami and mama play for Barça?” You nod, of course you knew that. “Well, I’m going to go play for a club in Paris, like Barça.” 

“Are they better than Barça?” You heard your mami scoff. 

“No, maybe with my help they will be.” 

“Are you going to get a new mami and new me?”

“No! Never pequeño. No one can replace you or mami. And I’ll come visit, and mami will bring you to me whenever we can. Okay?” 

“No.” 

“No?” Jenni shared a look with Alexia. Unsure how to proceed. 

“You’re going to a new place, a new team with new lele and Mapi and-and that means a new me and mami.” You pushed your plate as hard as you could, watching it slide off the other side of the table and then you ran as fast as your little legs could take you. Climbing into the box in your wardrobe to hide. 

“Cariño?” Your mamis voice was loud. She knew your favourite hiding spot and that you’d be in there now. “Mi vida. Can you come out please?” 

A tiny “No” was heard, muffled by the extra blankets that were kept in that box. 

“I need to talk to you but I can’t do it when you’re hiding.” Slowly you came out, not fully removing yourself from the box, just your head. 

“Mama isn’t going to replace you okay? There is only one y/n Hermoso-Putellas and that’s you.” 

“But-“

“No buts bebé. Mama is feeling a little upset, do you think you can go talk to her? Cheer her up?”

You got out quickly, leaving behind a trail of blankets and one of your socks, barreling into your mama and apologising over and over again. 

—————————————————————————

That’s how the next year went, you’d go every few weeks with Tia Alba to Paris or mama would come visit you, but she never slept in her bed with mami and they never talked about anything but you. Abuela said it was because mami and mama weren’t together anymore but they still loved you all the same. 

Then mama came back to Spain but not back to you or mami. It made you both sad. Because you started big school, you barely got to see mama and that made you have a lot of big feelings. 

You made mami cry a lot because you weren’t very nice to her and Abuela said it hurt her feelings but no one ever asked about your feelings. Lola asked though, after you ran away from mami she caught you like she catches the balls. 

“Mi Princesa, what are you doing running away from your mami like that?” Her spare hand coming to tickle your stomach. 

“I don’t like her!” 

“Woah that’s not a nice thing to say, is it?” You shook your head and frowned. “Wanna tell me why?” 

“She made mama leave. Mama leaved me and mami and now she won’t come home. They are supposed to kiss like used to but they won’t no more.” 

Unbeknownst to you, Alexia and Jenni were both behind you, listening to everything you said. 

“No bebé! No, Mami didn’t make me leave. I promise. Mami and I love each other still but in a different way.” 

“Not Like tia alba and Mapi? More like me and lele?” You asked, slightly confused. 

“Yes, just like that. Wait alba and Mapi?” 

“They was kissing each other like you and mami used to when we got ice cream.” 

Lola put you down, realising that you’d just shared a very big secret that Alexia now needed to go deal with. They agreed you would spend the night at the hotel with Jenni before she left again the following morning. 

Mami, Tia Alba and Abuela had a fake Christmas to celebrate with you since you were going to Madrid to be with mama and her family. Madrid was a long way away, Mami said it equaled 3 naps in the car or 1 nap on the plane. 

Mamas family was very loud. Almost too loud but mama made sure that you weren’t overwhelmed. You got lots of presents, even ones from Mami even though she gave you some already. There was a lot of food and a lot of singing. Everyone was very happy, and you happily fell asleep curled up in your Abuelos lap in front of the fire. 

—————————————————————————

It was a random Wednesday when mama picked you up from school. You were excited, but also confused. If she picked you up it was on a Friday and that was rare. 

“Where’s Mami?” 

“Oh I see how it is. You’re gotten too big for me huh?” 

“Don’t be silly mama. Mami usually gets me on wednesdays.” 

“Well Pequeño, I have a surprise for you!” 

You felt all giddy inside, you were just a kid after all and surprises were fun. She loaded you into the car and drove until you reached a building that looked like the one you and mami lived in. 

“This is my new apartment bebé, yours too. You’ll have your own room like at mamis and I’ll be right across from you.” 

“But you live in Madrid?” 

Jenni got down on her knees, “I’m moving back here. To be with you” she bumped your nose with her finger, pulling you into her, “and I’ll be playing at Barça again so we need to get you a New Jersey.”

“You and mami will kiss again! That was my birthday wish and it came true!” The smile on Jenni’s face was immediately wiped off. She didn’t have the heart to break it to you, so she let you continue on rambling about how Nala and you would have so much fun here and mami would love it too. 

The first night you stayed at mamas new apartment you cried and cried until you passed out in her bed. You didn’t understand why Mami and Nala weren’t coming and why Mami didn’t kiss mama goodbye like the past times. 

Alexia’s heart broke into even more pieces when Jenni sent her a photo of you curled up on her chest, your hand gripping her shirt for dear life and the obvious wet patches. Going through a break up was hard at the best of times, but adding a child who didn’t understand into the mix? Worse. Every time you asked if your mama could pick you up from school or come to your little kickers game, she had to explain again that Jenni couldn’t. 

—————————————————————————

The next three years continue on as the others. You’re getting better at school and football, much to Mapi and lele delight you love being a defender. The one thing that confuses you though is sometimes your Mami and mama kiss and then sometimes they don’t even look at each other. Abuela says they are silly and tia alba says bad words. 

You don’t cope well much with new people, that was proven when Tia Alba bought a new girl to Sunday dinners and when she tried to kiss Alba, you threw a shoe at her. 

“Oye, y/n that’s not nice. You do not throw things at people.” Your Mami had grabbed your arms, stopping you from running away. 

“No! She’s being mean to Mapi. She’s only allowed to kiss Mapi like you are only allowed to kiss Mami!” 

“Pequeño-“ 

“Let go of me! Mami said no kissing anyone else but her! Tia Alba is the same! Only Mapi and Mami!” You finally got out of her grasp enough to push her over, running upstairs to Abuelas room and climbing under the bed. 

“Let me Ale.” Alba gave her sister a sympathetic smile before turning to follow you. “Pequeño?” Silence. “Pequeñoooooo? Come here Mariquita.” She grabbed your ankle and pulled you out. You were both sporting matching pouts. 

“Mapi will be sad. You can’t do that to Mapi!” 

“Mi vida, who told you I can only kiss Mapi?” 

“Mama.” You crossed your arms and stamped your foot, “mama is always right.” 

“What else did your mama say hm?” 

“That Mami isn’t allowed to kiss anyone else but her.” 

“Is your mama allowed to kiss others?” 

“Yes. She has a special friend. I don’t like her though because whenever she comes I have to go to my room and Andy barks at her.” 

“Does your Mami know?” 

“No mama said that only she’s allowed to have special friends and Mami isn’t.” 

“Right. Well, Mapi and I were special friends, but we aren’t anymore. You know Ana who plays with Mami and mama?” You nod your head, you do know Ana. She’s very tall and blonde, she helps you tie lele’s laces together too. “She’s mapis special friend now and Judith is mine. I really like Judith and I want you to like her too.” 

“You like her more than me?” 

“No. There’s no one I’d ever like more than you Mariquita.” Alba started leaving sloppy kisses all over your face before carrying you downstairs to you Mami. You had to apologise to Judith and give her a hug but then she agreed to play with you so you were happy. 

You didn’t notice the conversation between Tia Alba, Abuela and Mami. Maybe that’s because Judith was playing farms wrong and you had to keep correcting her and but you didn’t miss the tears in your mamis eyes when she came to take you home. 

The fighting started again after that and you never saw your mamas special friend again. The fighting didn’t just happen when Mami picked you up but at training too. When you were playing hide and seek with Pina and Cata, you heard your Mami crying to Mapi. 

You wanted to go see but if you went Pina and Cata would find you and you’d lose. So you stayed and listened. 

“Mariquita told alba that Jenni has a special friend and that I’m not allowed to kiss anyone but her. She’s fucking with the girls head Mapi!” 

“Ale, she’s 7, maybe she heard wrong.” 

“She didn’t. I spoke to Jenni, she said she was seeing someone but she was supposed to be seeing me only! That was the conversation we had, she promised me that she wouldn’t see other people.” 

Your mama had lied and made your Mami sad. All of your trusted adults said that lying was bad and making someone sad wasn’t nice. So the only logical conclusion was that your mama was a big meanie. You made sure to tell her that when she tried to take you home after training. Screaming bloody murder and kicking and biting her until she let go. 

Your Mami was the last to you as a crowd of teammates had began to form. 

“Don’t make me go with her Mami. Please Mami. She’s mean! I wanna go home with you and Nala. Please Mami.” You begged as you cried into her arms. Alexia looked at Jenni with wide eyes before comforting you. 

Mami did take you home with her that night and bribed you with ice cream so you’d tell her what happened. 

“Mama made you sad and she lied. That is mean. Mama is mean.” 

“Mariquita, where did you hear that?” 

“I heard you and Mapi. I was hiding in the laundry basket from Cata and Pina because we were playing and you were crying. I wanted to hug you but I didn’t want to lose so I stayed hiding.” You shrugged nonchalantly as you continued to shovel ice cream into your mouth. 

Alexia realised then that they were both fucking with your head. You weren’t really a talker, but you were a listener. You caught everything and knew everyone’s secrets. Expect you didn’t know what a secret was so you just shared your new information with whoever was closest. 

—————————————————————————

When Barça lost to Lyon in the champions league final, all you could do was cry. Both your Mami and mama were crying, so was Mapi, lele and pats. Somehow you managed to be standing freely away from Tia Alba and Tia Miriam. 

The barricade wasn’t that high. All you had to do was stand on the seat and jump. Mami was still laying on the floor crying and she always said that your hugs made her tears go away. So you did what you thought was right and jumped over. 

You ran as fast as you could, which for a 7 year old was pretty fast, hurling yourself at your mamis body on the floor. 

“Mari?” She sat up slightly, noticing the security guards and waving them off, “what are you doing down here? Where’s Alba?” 

“You were crying. When you cry at home, I hug you then you stop crying. Please don’t cry Mami.” You tried to wipe her tears but they just kept coming and she squeezed you tighter. 

Eventually you both got up and went around hugging the other girls and your mama. Even though you were mad at your mama, she still needed your hugs too. 

When the tall blonde lady from the other team came to talk to Mami, you made sure to stick your tongue out at her when she said hello. 

“Mari, you need to be nice to Ada please.” 

“No, she made you cry.” 

“I didn’t mean to make your mum cry, I promise.” 

“Did you say sorry? Mami says you need to say sorry even if it’s an accident.” 

“I did, I even gave her a hug.” 

“Well I didn’t hear it so say it again.” Both adults laughed at you, Ada saying something about how you were just like Alexia. Obviously, she was your Mami. 

—————————————————————————

You were supposed to be in England when your Mami broke her knee. She was very cranky for a long time and everyone was scared of her. Not you though. You got new toys out of it and new books. But there was a new person around, mamis friend Olga. She didn’t play how you liked so whenever she came over you went to your room. 

Alexia, in her depression didn’t notice it. Abuela did though. She saw how you retreated more. How you didn’t want to play football, or talk to your mama on the phone. You just hide away in your room, old habits dying hard of cleaning. It was something both Jenni and alexia had worked hard to get you out of the habit of doing. You didn’t need to clean the bathrooms, or was your laundry. That was their job, but Mami couldn’t do any of her jobs anymore so you did. 

A loud smashing noise woke you from your nap. It was summer break and you’d spent all morning at the beach with Alba and Judith so you were tired. 

“You’re not taking my fucking daughter Jennifer! Over my dead body.”

“She’s our daughter alexia. And it wouldn’t be forever. Just until you can look after yourself and her because god knows you can’t!” The fighting was back. Something you’d gotten for 8th birthday was a phone. It only had a few numbers in it but the only one you needed was abuelas. She answered very quickly and you were able to give her a run down of what was happening. When she said she was on her way, you snuck out of the apartment, taking Nala with you and heading down to the front foyer to wait. 

It was very long before she arrived, running through the doors and barely stopping to notice you sitting there. 

“Mi vida! What’s happening?” 

“Dunno. I was sleepin’ then Mami started swearing and mama said she was taking me away.” 

“Alba, take her to the car. Now.” Abuelas voice was scary, the type she used to yell at Mami and alba when they were fighting or when Nala chewed her tv remote. 

Eli could hear the yelling from the hallway, using her key to let herself in. 

“I don’t fucking care Alexia! She’s not staying here. You’re a pathetic excuse of a mother right now!”

“ENOUGH!” Both women turned in shock to see Eli standing there, face full of fury. “Your daughter rang me because you were both screaming at each other. She was scared and wanted to leave. I bet neither of you noticed that she left!” 

“No eli. She’s in her room.”

“She’s in my car Jennifer. She packed a bag and took Nala downstairs and waited. Alba put her in the car. Neither of you deserve that little girl. All you two do is fight and treat each other like shit. In front of her! What kind of example are you setting?” 

“Mami-“

“No Alexia. I’m not done. Jennifer, you will not move that child to the other side of the world. Her football is here, her school and her friends that she worked so hard to make. You’re here often enough that you will see her and I will bring her on holidays. Alexia, pull your shit together. She relies on you not the other way around. She will stay at my house for now, Nala too. When you’re ready to be grown ups, you know where to find her.” 

It didn’t take long for mama to come but it was to say she was leaving and you wouldn’t be coming with her. She explained that she’d be going to Mexico, you understood geography a lot better now since you had just turned 8. She was going far away, further than ever before and leaving you behind yet again. 

Something changed that day, it wasn’t the first time you had been left behind but this was your mama. The person who was supposed to stay with you and love you. 

Towards the end of 2022, alexia was finally running again. Rehab was going as planned and you were continuing to do well in school. She had planned to take you, Tia Alba and Abuela to the Maldives for Christmas. It was supposed to be a fun time. Just the four of you. Nala couldn’t come but she was excited when she got dropped off at Pats house.  

When you came back school had started again, Mami had promised everyday she’d be the one to pick you up from school and she was. Until a stranger came. She wasn’t completely a stranger, she was mami’s friend but you didn’t know her. Your refusal to go home with her caused a scene and Abuela ended up getting called. 

Your Mami and mama had taught you a lot of important things, like when someone was sad you gave them a hug, never take food from a stranger and never ever go with a stranger. Only a trusted adult and Olga was not a trusted adult. All the trusted adults knew the safe word, it was the word they’d say and you knew Mami or mama sent them but she didn’t. 

“Mari, what happened at school today?” Mami asked while watching tv on the couch. 

“I did some maths, made a volcano explode. A stranger tried to take me. Oh! And I played on the monkey bars with Isabel then she braided my hair!” 

“A STRANGER WHAT!” She jolted you around. 

“Yeah at pick up. You didn’t come and she said you were friends but she didn’t know the safe word so I ran back inside and made them call Abuela.” It was silent for a few moments before it clicked. Alexia was stuck doing an interview and had asked Olga to pick you up, completely forgetting to tell her about the safe word. 

“Olga came, yes?” You nodded, “you know Olga. You’ve met Olga before?” 

“Just because I’ve met her doesn’t mean I know her Mami. What if the mean Real Madrid girls took me from school? I’ve met them but I don’t know them. Plus she didn’t know the safe word and trusted adults know the safe word.” 

“You’re right Mari. How about this weekend we go to the beach and you can really know Olga? We can take Nala and have a nice lunch.” You thought it over for a moment, you did like the beach and you liked most of mamis other friends, expect the Real Madrid goalie. You did not like her at all. After much consideration you nodded your head. Mami pulled you back into her lap and that’s how you stayed for the rest of the night. 

Meeting new people wasn’t easy. You got Mami and mama when you were three but now you were eight. During those five years you’d met so many new people, some were good and some not so good. There was always something subconsciously that made you freak out, especially when it was in a foreign place. 

“Hola y/n. I’m Olga.” She squatted down so she was a little smaller than you. Instead of responding you just hid behind your Mami. 

“she gets a bit nervous around new people. Mariquita? Can you please say hi?” Alexia felt you shake your head from behind her, she let out a sigh but continued on. 

They both tried to include you in conversation but you only ever stared at Olga. Mami had a lot of friends, none of them quite like her. She was what Abuela would describe as a espíritu libre. Almost the opposite of Mami. 

“Are you and my Mami having sex?” Both adults chocked on their food. 

“Mari!”

“What? I asked it in a polite way no?” 

“Where did you learn that?” 

“You’re deflecting. Abuela says you and Tia alba do that when you don’t want to answer.” Olga just watched as you both stared each other down. 

“Do you know what sex is?” Olga asked, she didn’t mean to ask it out loud so she was just as shocked as alexia was when the words came out. 

“Yes. I googled it. I’m not stupid you know.” 

“What do you mean you googled it?” 

“I don’t understand what you aren’t understanding Mami? I am speaking the same language!” 

“You’re eight. You shouldn’t be googling things like that! Where did you learn the word?” 

“Mapi.” 

“Of course. Please explain how you and Maria got on the conversation of sex.” 

“She was talking to Ingrid and I was hiding in the locker room because Ana was gonna get me and she said to Ingrid ‘should we have our post win sex early”. You mocked the way Mapi spoke, earning a laugh from Olga who only got a glare from your Mami. 

“I’m going to kill her.” 

After lunch Olga let. Instead of Mami driving home, she drove straight to Mapis apartment and basically smashed the door down. You got a front row seat to the chewing out the Spaniard got. Her face red in embarrassment. To you, it was very funny but to Mami and Mapi, it was not. 

—————————————————————————

On the 30th of April, the time finally came for your Mami to return playing. She was back in training a few weeks earlier which meant you were spending more time with Abuela after school. 

When Mami got subbed on the crowd went wild. Everyone was standing and clapping. Abuela, Tia Alba and Olga were all crying and when you asked why, Tia alba explained they were happy tears. It didn’t really make much sense to you, you understood she was hurt and couldn’t play for a while but you didn’t understand the significance that your Mami held to the club or to women’s football in general. 

FC Barcelona won the champions league that year. This was the first time you truly understood what it meant. They were the best time in Europe. Mamis important Ibiza holidays always included you, but this year they wouldn’t. Mama was back and you’d be going on holiday with her before the World Cup. 

Mama took you back to Madrid, where you spent three weeks. Not once did you talk about Mami, or Tia alba but you did talk about Mexico and how mama really loved it there and wanted you to visit. Right before you flew back to Barcelona, mama gave you a special necklace. It was a love heart locket, on one side was a picture of you, Mami and mama when you were little and the other side was blank. 

“When we win the World Cup, there will be a picture of the three of us to go on the other side.” It was a promise. 

You celebrated your ninth birthday in Australia. Mami and mama were allowed to come celebrate with Tia Alba, Abuela and Olga. There was a weird feeling around the table but you didn’t care. You had most of your favourite people and Olga and that’s all you needed. 

[watashijeon]

Mon Ange. | KTH

listen while reading — Is there someone else The Weeknd

— I made you mine, or so it seemed. I might as well be two feet tall. You never will love me at all. —

You’re calling out for his name, nothing can kill this moment. He feels sweetness and ease.. never has he let himself slip. But tonight is his birthday or so it was hours before.

Nonetheless, nothing could kill the stillness.

"Hm?" he’s mumbling with his speech, nose buried into pretty flushed skin. He feels confused, feeling you still when your words came out so blurred in his mind.

“I have to tell you something.”

Completely lost now where this was going, he stills his touch. Awkward and stiff, you make eye contact for what you are about to say.

He doesn’t understand the build up, he just wish you would say what it was. Maybe you had to take some time away from him due to your work.. he understood, he didn’t mind that.

"I think we should end our arrangement."

Oh. It’s so different from what he had just suspected, why does his heart feel like it just plummeted to another oblivion of nothing?

Taehyung doesn’t care, he’s undisciplined and chaotic with his very few next actions.

You need to leave. Freezing up, ready for his immediate impulse, because you know him like the back of your hand. The man picks you right off from his lap, rather rough and he would have time to regret on the meanness of it later.

He’s quick to pointing his hand open palm stiff and stern to the now sad wrinkled dress on the floor that laid lonely.

“Well, go on then.”

Your eyes looked at him pained, you had not a clue what his reaction really meant but you moved. Wiggling on your dress, back faced to him before looking once more to see his distracted stare. He is so out of it now, he doesn’t know.

“You understand.. right, Tae?” oh why must you speak so sweet to him using his shorten nickname in that especially nauseating sweet voice, even the way you are ending this is a million times nicer than he has ever ended a fling with a person.

“I do, bye.”

He’s being so mean, harsh and rude.

Taehyung hopes you won’t dwell on it or let it hurt your heart like it will to his very own.

But somehow he wants it to pain you, make you feel the same burn and ripping he feels in his chest right now. What did he do wrong?

“Goodbye Taehyung.” and that was it, the door clicked and so did his very front one. Left with the forbidden but likely delicious and perfect red velvet cake you’ve made, and a gift that sat perfectly next to it wrapped in his favorite color for wrapping paper on his kitchen island.

And indeed you had to make his favorite cake flavor, meaning you remembered the stupid detail when he told you on a night together.

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

He remembers so clearly on the morning you stayed after for the first time coming over for six months. The two of you had lazed in his bed between tangled limbs and sheets “I will, I will protect you.” your lips dropped into a pout tracing your nimble finger over the man’s jaw.

How could you even say that when you leave him not much later, he doesn’t get it. This isn’t like you at all. Maybe being in pained denial he couldn’t accept the sore fact that someone made the first move on with abandonment.

You weren’t supposed to lie, it’s uncalled for and unacceptable. But even deep down the man knew he was being ignorant, he’s lied to many people to avoid hurt and it was his own field of career to lie if necessary.. that’s all you were trying to do.

The man can’t dare to muster up to think you have a bad bone in your little body that was filled of nothing less of kindness. But right now he won’t be rational with his assumptions.

He’s angry and selfish with dire need for your presence now all over again, no matter the situation that this is. But whatever really, big deal that you are gone. He will find someone else to fuck his life into, you are no different from any other living human with a hole.

…

He pauses.

Never mind that, fuck that. He deserves a good and perfect reason for why you did this.. leaving him in the dark, quite literally. Taehyung can't stand not talking to you even if he never took time to speak so much into your conversations. He still appreciated all of your efforts and presence you put into whatever what you had was, now it’s all fucking gone.

He used to act upon impulse when he would have multiple play things through out the month. But you, you make him stop to think. It makes him wrinkle his nose because he does not have a clue why you turn him to be this way. It’s simply you being you, no spell.. no great manipulation in your words. Just you.

In the beginning of this arrangement he was reluctant given the age gap, especially with the relation that you were a long time family client of his.

Once he became enthralled with someone.. he could say it took a lot to kill it.

You weren’t the only one that had the privilege, he’s turned thirty two this year and definitely doesn’t have enough fingers to count on with how many girls he has used up and nicely dumped off to the side — kindly.

Sparing the honest reason that he needs to focus on his career before weeks later he would latch claws into his new toy, it’s only painstakingly different now.

Much different because he had never held onto a “toy” for over a few months at a time, the man liked variety and trying new things. With you in the picture, it was sickening at the fact that he grew real attachment to every little thing about you. It made him want you more. While he is nothing great of the sort for you, he was only a warm body to give you what was desired. You gave him your body and time, in return he would give you lust driven pleasure.

He was the one who established what you two were from the great beginning, he was not allowed to feel betrayed and cheated. Someone could hate him and he would cackle at that, a girl could scream at the stoic man and he’d chuckle again. Once you lose his interest there is no winning him back, it's as if getting stuck in a never ending pit of quick sand that could swallow you in pitiful eyes. He thinks it’s valid to feel this way, he’s coming to terms with the whole ordeal of what all this was.

Being your damn family lawyer and you had met him when you were the young age of nineteen, a mere baby. It definitely took some time for him to be ok with the fact that he would end up fucking you almost weekly with your given age — he’s not a pervert.. right? But you were a mature girl as you grew up, he liked you for this reason.. different and good for whatever he wanted and still you set healthy boundaries not letting him walk over your toes.

Time will pass nicely, right? He will be fine and move on — find someone even better. A little reflecting won’t hurt his soul.

It has been a little over two months since the grouch for a man has seen you, turning slowly into the twentieth century version for Scrooge.

Promising himself each day he would not give in and call you, you will be the one to run back.

He’s been saying that to himself since the day you up and left.. now his very once high and wild ego was now dwindling day by day and he is pissed beyond belief, because wow, wowww. You really did leave him as if he planned to do the exact for you in the beginning of meeting with you, that was before he caught a liking and it was only for your body, of course.

Yes.. that’s what is was. It was only really your gorgeous body that gave him pleasure to see you again and again, never mind the fact of your amazing personality or one of a kind glowing aura that brought a sweet genuine smile on his usual crest fallen features.

Broken from his reverie he’s receiving a call, he’s been sat still buried in his office since six am. It’s how he gets through his days to not think about you or testing the waters of calling.

The phone clicks and clatters, he needs to get himself a new desk phone or better yet just buy another smartphone. Huffing and puffing, he inhales and exhales seeing the caller id.

“Hello, it’s been awhile sir.”

It’s your father, he has to fake a front for the sake of niceties and also being civil because your very own damn dad has been using the Kim’s for any law or business relations since Taehyung was probably born, he’ll complain and grumble later on to a nice white wall of his.

“Oh yes! Things have been crazed.”

Taehyung really wonders about that, a hotel tycoon can only get so wild and crazed.. right?

“Hmm, I understand. What can I help you with.”

“Ah, Mr Kim. let’s get down to it—“ the grinch for a man licks and licks his lips again out of great big habit, becoming nervous of the lingering for just how long it takes this man to get to a point. Many clicks and clattering over the other line.. the older would continue.

“So, I need to talk through some paperwork with you regarding about merging contracts.”

“Go on, sir.” he can’t be this vague.. come on. Shouldn’t he know better than to speak so small about important shit, god help his ticking time bomb for patience being not a virtue.

Ping

If silence could kill it would be deathly here and now, he receives the paper work faxed over. A skim and scan later — Taehyung feels his heart plummet to places beyond his comprehension.

It’s just so now, he realizes your father has been blabbering about whatever this whole time.

“What is this all for?”

His eyes ogle and ogle for more than a few times he could count, reading the bold letters of “Marital License and Contract Briefing.”

“Well if it wasn’t obvious, our dear y/n is going to get married next month. We have set her up with the perfect man who is a well respected hotelier heir, a perfect match for our family.”

Of course.. of course your father would set you up with a person that is in the same position of business as him, you probably had no word or real say in this. God, why does he feel wrath and anger. He wants to rip his hair out straight.

He should be happy for you, your new husband to be probably feels like home in his arms.

So much that he bets he mends you with warm healing long hugs, and utterly disgusting kind smiles that remind you of honey mixed into sweet vanilla, your very two favorite things.

He continued to offer your father a tight-lipped smile as if he could see him through the phone, briefly looking up from the contracts on his computer screen — faxed papers sitting nice and crisped on his desk. He thinks it’s best he ends this call now before he yells off.

“Ok sir, I’ll look over them and we will discuss the terms and things that will be strewn.”

“Oh that is great to hear! I invite you over tomorrow for tea, we will discuss all of the paperwork then. Yes?”

He won’t allow himself to think about that, he will agree just to get off this damn phone call.

“Yes sir, I’ll see you then, good night.”

Click.

He’s here, he can’t believe he actually came.

Sat in the way too high ceilings for a living area, he will blame it on why he feels this nauseated. God, he knows you live here obviously. It’s been your parents odd and traditional rule until you were ready to move out when they thought it was best, you always said that was why you still stayed with them. What he didn’t know was the bizarre underlying conditions were marriage.

“Ah Kim, here we are.” The meeting begins and ends with the blink of an eye.

It went awful in Taehyung’s eyes, he really didn’t want to hear about you getting married off for a great three hours. It left the man wanting to seethe and bite his mouth off until the older would finally shut up to take a puff or sip of liquor.

Then on he tried to laugh with your father.. even when it felt as if pearly teeth might crack with only how hard his jaw flexed shut.

Your father welcomes the man to stay over for only awhile longer, he won’t accept it, kindly.

He has to get going.. because someone (Taehyung) couldn’t handle on what all just happened. While the hag of your father thought it was a good idea to step out and take a call.

15 minutes before

It’s been minutes now and your father isn’t back, Taehyung decides to dwell around with his eyes to gawk at the various family portraits hung from generations before and other astray framed photographs of little you and family.

He has the urge to trace his finger along the frames but he won’t, definitely not now.

“Tae..?”

Like clockwork, Taehyung’s head cocks in nanoseconds to the spiraled staircase you stood by, gripping on the bar to keep stance.

You look gorgeous right now, still the same as before. He can’t help but let his eyes trail over your legs, he’s no better than any other man. He decides he can’t stare for much longer though, clearing his throat to cock his head off to the side in mimicking a fake neck crack.

“Hello.” he decides on, licking lips for the trillionth time and resting hands into pockets.

Your stare doesn’t stutter elsewhere, you copy him yourself — licking lips except only slower and more tantalizing. Or that’s how he sees it. He hated confrontation, one of his favorite things about you though.. is you’d ask too many questions every time you were around. He’d act like he hated it, but bathed in the attention and attentive wide eyes you once had all for him.

It’s only none of the many questions you’d ask would ever provoke the man to deflect, bother him up the wall and make him drop you soon later in his own sheer annoyance like usual. It’s happened to others, he’s an asshole but he could care less because at least he is honest.

Seeing you now gives him bitter sweetness for deja vu, the memory to when he saw you for the first time when you were eighteen — never having an ounce of interest in you then. You were a pesky teenager though, ogling the man like sweet candy for your taking. Nothing unusual he hadn’t encountered before.. only ever moving forward to do his job and ignore it.

That helped some.

Both of you finally interacted properly then when you were twenty, clear that you had matured fast and you were well with holding good conversation. While.. your dear father ran around with his head cut off like a chicken and leaving a bored lawyer Kim to wait for set business meetings to be done, you were lovely company at least.

Then somehow.. something happened, the day where he took your virginity in your childhood bathroom — it was your 21st birthday after all.

It was almost too universal how the world wanted you two to be alone at this awful time. But the moment happened so fast maybe too fast if he wants to dwell on it now, only once comforting the weeping girl that trembled in his arms to have you seconds under his grasp.

You had to, just had to look down at him with those puppy dog eyes choking a mere sob of “Am I not important.. is that what it is Tae?”

God he hated how you said his name, so sweet and quiet. Full of vulnerability and sadness.

He couldn’t allow a pretty girl like you, sobbing over something so minuscule on her birthday, he had a great plan of course. Comfort? No.

Fuck the sadness out of you, it will do you well.

It’s shameful at how he’s too old for your young sweet heart that still had much to see and live.. he’s nothing but rotten fruit at best.

But why did he want to stay selfishly so.

Your eyes did it in for him, they always did..

Corny and sappy he thinks.

He tries to move on with the passing thoughts of why do you need to be claimed now when he was starting to think he could have tried. He hopes you had at least one passing thought yourself of the what ifs and hows.

Present

All but nothing of silence settles between the two of you, no words are exchanged past that.

Eventually steps dissipate further from him to hear, you leave after the stare off you both shared — thankfully your father interrupts.

It’s been a few hours since you last saw him, you knew way before he was going to dial your phone. Doing exactly this, after your third attempt to ignore the countless calls you press accept to hear the expectant drawl of your name in stupor.

You’re sure he’s grinning dumb and widely boxy, almost as if youth takes over for these very small tipsy minutes. His vulnerability is clearly yours now, it’s so viable at how bad he is vying for attention.

You prepare yourself, clearing your throat and speaking as clear and stern as one could be.

“Hello?”

“Hmmmhmm, hello.”

There’s a pause, awkward, but he’s drunk so he likely doesn’t recognize the rising tension.

“Yes, Taehyung?”

There’s a giggle..? Oh my god he just giddily giggled at your voice. No, no your heart isn’t doing backflips — you’re just concerned.

“At your door, open sesame.” you can hear him try to knock like a madman — even if there’s visibly a buzzer that’s meant to be there so insiders could hear from the size of your parent’s insanely huge home.

Drunk Taehyung doesn’t know that though.

Fuck well, ok you guess. Thank god your father isn’t home for the night — you begin to panic but you can dissolve situations fine, it’s your strong suit or one of the many of them at least.

You practically lunge from your bed to tumble over down the stairs, trying to keep him half entertained while you tunnel yourself to the door before the maids could see the odd sight.

Being quiet as you can be with unlocking the door, Taehyung makes it no issues to pull a dramatic scene. Already seconds in through the door staring you down, like any other would be scared of the predatory stare.

But this is Taehyung, he would never hurt you.

All you can do, Slowly watching him advance at you skittering back until you’re pressed to the wall. He doesn’t touch you, leaned against the victorian wall with each hand on either side trapping you between him.

He won’t stop there yet, drawling your name out in a drunken purr “Aw-huh. Angel, you got yourself stuck..what are we going to do now?" like no moral was ever created — toes curled into wooden floors from the deep baritone voice awakening all of your weaken senses.

You try, trying so damn hard and ignore it.

Staring hard into empty eyes, his bags are awfully visible and you wonder if he’s even slept lately.

You’re so tiny and frazzled by his abrupt actions, feeling him slide a warm hand up to your stomach to trail barely under your tits. The same said empty eyes sharpen at your slip of a pathetic whine, closing you into the wall a tad too close for comfort to make you both bump into each other’s chest.

“Wanna fuck this pretty cunt again.”

His words boom into you everywhere, from head to toe and places you wouldn’t like to acknowledge that throbbed with need. Doomed, definitely, that’s what you are.

You can only exhale feeling a warm shiver travel down your spine from the daring slip of drunken tongue. Able to pull enough strength to squeak a soft response “L-let’s lay down.”

It was your best bet to avoid from ruining your impending future, you won’t allow no more mishaps to happen. It’s all for your father.

He settled off with a hum, you were surprised he’d backed off. Maybe the man recognizing the nervousness in your tone, “Lead the way.”

It’s quiet now, too tense for your liking but you can’t do anything you think to help the off situation. Laid in your bed next to each other with a foot of space between your bodies.

It’s uncanny how alike this situation reminds you of some movie you watched with the man.

You feel like you’re steps away from saying the infamous line of “Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off.”

You won’t have a second to think longer when the big bear decides to speak up into the unknown of silence that had lasted for a long hour, “I get it.. yeah, you don't love me, big fucking deal.”

Silence, absolutely nothing back.

“I’ll never tell you how I really feel, angel.”

Your breath was being held for seconds until he decides to follow with cockiness, there it is.

Always showing a slip of vulnerability followed with the man being plain rude. It’s the way your eyes roll that cause a gasp to stutter from him, almost like he didn’t expect your attitude nor harsh yet honest reaction.

He won’t comment on it properly, never does.

“Hold me.” he mumbles while simultaneously grumbling, trying his definition in hard to get you closer than whatever.. this is. Your brow ticks at him head shifting to properly face his pouted features from his side profile, feeling up for the need to deny him only a bit.

“What? Stop mumbling.”

He won’t take a pause this time, thankfully.

“Hold me goddammit.” he huffs and puffs out even louder — yet incoherently all in the same breath. Taehyung coughs, trying to clear his throat and mocks you with a roll in his own eyes of annoyance, like you did something.

That time you did “hear” him and you did what was asked by the big grizzly bear, only you turned to him closer now — seeing that wry smile on his cruel but godforsaken pretty face.

The spiral begins, you and him are going to give into this hell of fire.. only letting it grow uncontrollable by the end of night.

Are you going to do well without me?

Are we ever going to be okay?

Will we ever be fine?

You were too good to be forgotten in his heart.

It was too quiet in this room, silent and tense.

Taehyung felt nothing but regret, fucking stupid as he closed his eyes and mumbled these pitiful words.

Stupid, as he continued to speak gibberish into the room. I feel stupid. I am stupid.

You finally give up on the swallowing of the never ending silence and endless mumbling under his breath, tongue dry trying to clear your throat so to maybe finally speak — maybe even summon him back, and he does. It works because he lets his eyes finally open back.

You tug him into your chest wasting no more time when there’s not much, arms wrapped tight around his stiff figure that takes only just a minute to loosen once he realized you weren’t going to push him back anymore.

It’s not much different though, his nails still pierced into his forearm with thin lips folded into teeth to feel anything but what this is right now. You were staring at him, Taehyung, your father’s lawyer, your first crush and realization that you really only like and desire older men.

Now wishing you’d rather have gone to therapy instead of pursue that day in the bathroom.

You don’t mean that actually, you just hate yourself at this very moment and so does he.

But this wasn't the Taehyung you knew, wasn't the same man with styled hair and sultry eyes.. looking now as real life death in your arms.

You weren’t trying to be harsh nor hateful, you were worrying your heart out and confirming all the racing thoughts you have figured to be maybe going on. Only for them to come to life. He looks unreal tonight, almost unnatural from his usual sun kissed skin. No more sharpness to his look, the man looks fucking sick.

You want to coddle him to death, your own heart feels like it’s going to lurch right out from it’s chest by any second now if he keeps looking at you with those sad puppy dog eyes. This was not the look you yearned to see, you hated it all so much.

“Well.” clearing his throat, trying to prove something into air. Maybe it’s a lawyer instinct.

You repeat back to him without a beat to really think, “Well..” you use the same tone of voice but maybe yours wavered more in raw pain. The man wordlessly continued to stare like always, holding your hand tight in his grip in bringing it up to his lips. You should reject his warm touch, leave even, run far.

But why are you still laying here.. melting away.

He was being this gentle and just careful, you would giggle if the situation weren’t tense now.

Long fingers playing with lips, digits ghosting over your cheek with a soft caress. You can’t help but shut your own tired eyes, melting more and more and it was just like that.

His control is gone, so fast and fluidly when your lashes fluttered to cold skin. Whispering his name too sweet and soft almost in prayer.

"We can’t.. it would be wrong.” it’s insane how you knew his intentions from the speed his hands traveled to the material of your night dress.

"So fucking wrong," he becomes almost too ready with heavy pants of hot breath kissing your jaw and neck.

Eager calloused thumbs rubbing circles into your hips that were on the brink of trembling.

You whine at the tone he uses, becoming easy to his invasion "Don't.. don't speak like that." Eyes heavy lidded, lips licking with each breath that exhaled from your stuttering chest.

He wants you dead it seems, feeling up your body more and more by every passing second before easy fingers would get to your chest.

"I'm wrong like that.. you like it," the man preaches with determined digits this time skimming back down onto your hips to hear his favorite strangled whines "you want it.”

"Ah.. T-tae” it’s pathetic.. sounding asthmatic in your own ears from mere fingers grazing you rough.

"Who's married? Certainly not you, yet."

You pause to mull it over, eyes falling into his.

He truly doesn’t care now, past gone. Nothing can stop this — you need him.. your sweet eyes tell almost all too fucking well for him to know.

He's moving on autopilot when he pulls you to him with no awareness of anything around him, the man frenzied with his only living goal to feel you wrapped around him. Whether it be with loose limbs or his all well endowed cock buried deep between warm tightness, he needed to feel you again.

Your gasps fall out too soft to be surprised at the sudden roughness, murmuring whining moans that fell into a mantra of "We can't..” tiny cries that quickly later start falling into hungry kisses while neither of you had an ounce of intention to stop, no matter the end of it.

Lips already collided against each other in a perfect mess of motion, tongues lolled out of your mouthes as the pleasure binds you both.

It’s disgusting now, strings of drool dribbling to your chest from every pause he took to pull and nip. The man grabs your scalp, yanking you head back against his shoulder. Jaw slack open to give him the prettiest mouth for him to gladly spit right down onto your tongue, so pathetic all for his demise.

Doing all the nothing but moaning and swallowing, open mouth with all your might.

Leaving a desperate plea in sparkly eyes while you wait impatient for his next move, you missed him. Eyes yearning and lips quivering, legs shaking so early on and yet.. your spine just might go limp quite soon.

You whine almost instantaneously and nothing less of desperate while the devious man began to nibble harshly down on your neck with small bites of love.

Moving on nothing but anger and bubbled feelings at surface, shoes being removed, with the stubborn zipper of your night dress slipping down from your shoulders as hungry lips explored every inch of skin that became exposed.

So quick, licking a wet stripe down your chest to stomach to feeling you shake with desire and need, tasting the want for you on his tongue.

“Hmm, your poor husband to be.”

He hated that, hated the fact that you were about to belong to someone. He knew he wanted and needed you to feel the burn that he had been feeling for months since then.

"I'm not t-telling," you can barely form a sentence let alone a proper sound that didn’t make you sound out to be like a deprived slut.

The man can’t do much other than scoff, you having the strength to use that reassuring tone— with such a soft tone and bat pretty doll eyes in lost of such easy pleasure given.

Looking this fucking gorgeous and it’s going to be all for someone else, not him ever “I know angel, not with the way i’m about to fuck you.”

Like clockwork you moan like a bitch at that, of course. Feeling him sink razor sharp canines down into the squishy flesh of your stomach.

Uncaring completely for the fresh marks, he would hope in your future meeting with that man.. you wouldn’t become so easy to show yourself off for him. Sliding his fingers from your stomach down over to your cunt, slipping long digits between sopping wetness — sticky as if you already had touched yourself earlier.

He’s growing impatient, on the aspect of stretching you out when he so gladly craves to stuff you four fingers full. But he’s a gentleman at his very best, always calling out for him in non-stop “T-tae..” or better yet “Touch me, I’m sorry, I’ll be good.” without any doubt he would answer “Anything for the angel.”

Your thighs already shake from the burn of /slowly/ fucking yourself on long fingers. Tears streaming, overwhelmed by the burning stretch that comes with each motion, soon quiet sniffles and soft gasps turn into sobbing when the man decides to snake his hand and start to tease and slowly circle your clit.

“So perfect, all for me, hm.”

You nod eager to please, blushing all the way down to your toes. Biting your lip, thoughts not holding very well against the feeling of the eager man’s middle finger now slipping out from you to part your cunt and stroke along the sore slit.

“Patient tonight? You must want it bad.” he sighs almost sounding bored, standing tall over you to undo the belt that once looped through his slacks. Long gone leather abandoned to the floor along with his slacks pooled at his ankles, ready, finally.

“You gotta be nice and quiet for me. Yeah? Can you do that for me?”

You’re way past desperate tonight, choking out a broken “Y-yes, fuck! Please.” wild hips winding up for more of the now lost touch.

The older plays coy, smirking lopsided and lazy, kneeling on the bed to line himself up to the pretty plump cunt. Long digits wrapped around his cock, "Open up for me baby."

She obeys immediately, legs opening wider to shakily wrap themselves around Taehyung’s waist. His hips up to slip his cock into the crease of your folds. Grinding there half tipsy now, leaky tip nudging at your clit.

Not wasting another second, the first push of stretch has you whining his name. Long nails piercing into taut honey skin, cock fucking in ruthless at the long thrusts that heat your core up, forming sweat down his neck and shoulders.

“Goood fucking girl.” He drawls with a husky moan, you want to die at how fucking hot he sounds.

He doesn’t care, going faster to no point of being coherent in your mind. Punishing strokes fucking the life out of you, snapping his cock right into your tight cunt. One hand bruised into your hip while the other slipped easily around your neck just enough to have you alert “Look me in the eyes when I’m fucking you.”

Lashes fluttering half open, looking with a fuzzy minded daze. Knowing you look like a slut, feeling drool drip everywhere along with the slickness between your legs. Coming to the reality you would let him do anything and you’d welcome it.

"Just like that baby, shit, taking my cock so fucking good," he grunts almost feral with every punishing stroke "Y-yes, " tiny voice choking out, slamming into you with hips winding harder if that was even humanely possible "Love it so much, I-love your cock.”

“Who’s a whore, uh? Who’s desperate for cock.”

“Tell me.” he growls slowing the roll of his hips into you to pull a desperate cockslut spill a mess of “Me, me, me.” you’re hyperventilating almost with how good he feels “M-me, I’m sorry!” god, the situation is a mess but he wouldn’t be lying if he wasn’t thinking about filling his load in you and pray to the man above that your birth control didn’t work.

feeling walls grow tighter and tighter, knowing the telltale signs you were about to cum.

“Perfect fucking girl, sucking me so tight.”

“S-stop..” you whine in embarrassment with a broken sob when you feel the devil himself sink deeper, balls deep inside you now.

Back and forth, back and forth.

An addictive dance, once friendly boundaries expanding to something that was speaking what will stay unspoken. Taehyung’s cock sliding so good inside your cunt you were dying with bliss for the night.

He can see you struggle to try and put a hand over your mouth, but the man won’t allow that. Snatching your hand in his grasp “Let her hear," he growls, referring to the maids and starts to fuck the life out of your cunt with no care for how loud you moan or scream.

"Y-your slut," you stutter, feeling him start to raise his hips to meet your weak attempt of grinding back, thrusting upward and matching your sloppy speed. "wanna b-be your slut."

His ego growing higher than before and dick hard as ever, Taehyung taunts, already knowing the answer by your dazed features.

“Oh yeah?” he pants grunting with every roll of his hips, and you can do nothing but give him what he wants. On the brink of tears you whine out broken moans, “So fucking bad, please Tae.”

“Come on." the taller’s strokes turning slow and hard, each one pulling a moan from sweet agape lips. "Cum on my cock.” you’re past coherent, cock drunk with drool slipping down your chin.

The ecstasy bursting through your body at an unimaginable rate,legs feel almost numb, smaller fingers gripping your sheets so hard. Taehyung already knew you would rip them off the corners of your bed, seeing how your own skin burned. Orgasm still sending ripples throughout your tiny body. Shaking as you came down from the high, cock buried deep, cum spilling inside as he keeps your body pressed together, skin to skin. His nose buried in the crook of longer sweaty strands of hair.

You begin to feel the feather kisses he mouthed over the expanse of your neck, his body quivering with the last of his cum filling you up.

“Fuck, yeah, ok.” is all he can do to respond, you can only hum in response as you’re being fucked so mind-numbingly good. Body moving along the bed as you’re fucked open for the year.

Your blissed-out state has the man feeling on top of the world, no case he’s won ever given him this much ecstasy for this feeling of high.

Knowing that the same woman he's been getting off to for months, that was only planned to be handed over to someone else is finally getting fucked. His pretty not so sweet angel drooling all for him, ruined for good by just his cock.

The floaty feeling back to how it was, only stronger than ever, the way Taehyung feels so right up against you.

He comes from his feverish moment of just drilling into you, no awareness for how overwhelming it may be. A smaller hand trying to grab his hand to make him stop, he sees nothing less of rage.

"Move your fucking hand.” he snaps with a hiss, snatching your hand in an iron like grasp.

“only I can touch you like this.” he states, hard and stern as if it’s a plead mixed into question. “Yeah?” of course he has to slap you for you to answer, braindead and cock hungry.

“Yes, all for you!” you squeal, body curling into yourself — he begins to dwell how there is not a real thought behind your eyes but his fingers and cock bearing your only passable thoughts.

He wants to laugh, your poor husband is about to be inadvertently about to be cucked.

You moan at how rough he’s being, every yank, spanking and slap getting you more than riled up. Rambling the typical ‘I love you, I love your cock.’

He’s aggravated, not sure why, deep down knowing. "Look at me and tell me what you want.” no way to receive an answer unless he squeezed a generous hand around your throat.

“Y-you, you, fuck!”

It’s not enough, he wants to laugh at his greediness that will not sate him ever.

Again and again, back and forth. Another slap landed across each apple red cheek, going harder each lashing.

“Again.”

You repeat yourself again, hm, still not enough.

He’s done with himself, frustrated and choosing to vomit his words.

“You’re mine, get that through your fucking head.” his thrusts were past hard and fast, bruising now. He grunted and groaned while you continued to moan and whimper beneath him, going so rough he decided to push your skull deep into the bed. Warm palm covering your face whole, feeling you squeeze involuntarily at being used like an object.

“Atta girl.” He didn't stop, not once. You weren’t asking to anyways just screaming his name for more — no mind here with nodding away into a mess full of bedsheets, trying to wind wobbly hips back on his cock to bounce lewdly.

Taehyung does nothing less but snap sharply against your ass, “So fucking tight, mine."

"C-cum in me tae," you moan, seeing white, reaching down blindly to rub your clit in frantic circles, begging at the idea of the older filling you with his cum. "Fill me up, give-give me a baby."

"Fuuuck," Taehyung growls and groans almost feral "Don't fucking say that shit."

"W-why not?" bratty whines beg “F-fill me up? Don't say that?"

Taehyung grunts, pulling you on him, chest to chest, you clamor to wrap shaky arms around his neck. Fuck, he’s holding you upright, bouncing you straight onto his cock. Falling forward with a squeal, crying in pleasure as the tip of his cock hits your cervix with how deep he is inside.

"Want my cum so fucking bad?" he hums, trying his best to sound unbothered. "I'll fucking give it to you then."

Your legs clamp around his waist as he pounds into you, cock hitting every point inside your body and you’re so close you think you’ll die. You feel Taehyung tense, and then a sudden gush of warmth fill you.

"Fuck me, angel. You feel so good." he gasps through l shut teeth spanking you with every thrust he gave.

At the feeling of him actually listening to what you always wanted, your orgasm blinds you in intensity, the tight coil in your stomach finally snaps. Body seizing, moans loud against his lips, whining a final tired cry to slow down.

The baby clip once stuck to hair now hung loose, the feeling of warm hands kneading hips before he would give harsh slaps to your ass.

"What do you think he would say," he spits out the name with nothing but disgust. “if he saw you like this?" He shifts his hips, "You think he'd ruin your orgasm?" tone patronizingly sympathetic. “Or.. let you cum so prettily, like you always do.”

He tsks at watching how disoriented daze eyes go through the five stages of grief. Writhing in pleasure as eyes fall closed, breath hitched when he finally lays you back down on the bed. Thighs sticky and all, he sighs at the sight.

“Want to show this cunt off to the world."

“Y-you can’t..” you pout, his eyes watching you fall apart all over again at just words being spoken to you.

“Good thing for secrets.” he smirks his mouth almost falling into a snarl, it wasn’t even spoken this would continue. One last time you agreed.. but you want him more than ever even if your situation is doomed.

“Bath?” he mutters with a whisper of soft kisses to your temple, you nod.

He grabs for his cigarettes, you hand him his lighter and wait until the deed was done so you could put them back off to the side again.

It’s been long since you both have took a bath together. He stretches his arms after he successfully calmed his nerves, you light the stick for him, eyes on him as he throws his head back to inhale. Blowing smoke out, body lazing while it filled with nicotine.

You like calm men, men who dont shout or break things when they’re upset. Men who talked to you in a gentle, low voice telling you what made them mad or what you did wrong.

That’s what Taehyung is to you, that’s what made you fall.. hard. You think it over all again in your current predicament, comfortable as ever.

Veiny caramel hands pulling your hips up in the bath for you to be settled nicely. A warm hand fondles your ass lovingly with his other taking puffs of smoke to inhale and exhale lazily, “My pretty girl.” he smiles lopsided before tugging your wobbly hips back down in relief, enjoying the way you whimpered and whined in your own way of retaliation.

Taking mercy before planting a wet kiss on your shoulder to whisper “I love you, Angel.”

Both of you decide on staying silent. Your back rests against his chest, deciding mutually to speak once the cigarette burnt into ashes.

“Does he make you feel safe, like I do?”

You don’t answer.

“I want you, you’re mine no matter what.”

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

You are married now.. being due with a fast wedding to no love involved, business as the main goal.

The meets with Taehyung continue and you two make time to fuck when you can — poor Namjoon.

It hurts he thinks.. hurts so bad. Because he’ll have to look at you every month when you come over to be fucked into whatever.

While he is out handling business, leaving him in the spot to fuck you hard and good like he can’t, at least he tried to convince himself of that for his own comfort.

You keep up with the old routine of pillow talk, just to feel the same mundanity this once all was. You think, he doesn’t care what you speak of after he only just poured his dull sad soul into fucking you.

Not caring at how you talk so highly of your new husband and how well you both are adapting with each other. Rambling all on about your blossoming relationship with him, hearing you nervously speak of the plans on having kids together.

Of course not nervous on his behalf, no, no.

Because you are deathly nervous about if you will be a good mother or not, he knows you will, even if things are like this. You think it doesn’t hurt him, when you say genuinely on how he’ll be the “Cool friend of Mommy’s” to your children.

It drives a knife deep into my heart on how you speak so highly of this new life, how well you are adapting. When.. we could have had this.

“Tae..? You there?”

He’s not caring to respond to your rhetoric question that was all well laced of genuine care and worry, Taehyung can be an asshole just this once.

“Do you know what you are?”

You think this is a game of teasing now, he can tell with that pretty smirk plastered on your gorgeous face “What am I, sir?”

It’s too bad that he’s being genuinely serious.

“You’re my girl.”

You don’t take a second to pause, you play into the narrative with a grin that quickly warped into an innocent and sweet smile.

“I’m your girl, Taehyung.”

He only knew that you meant the world to him.. and he, adored you in his mind until it hurt.

[steveseddie]

hot chocolate, on me

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles | prompt: hot chocolate | rating: g | wc: 995 | tags: different first meeting, babysitter steve, steve is a sweetheart, pre-relationship read on ao3

The same shitheads that dragged Steve into an interdimensional fight less than two months ago have now dragged him to the Christmas market. 

It’s definitely an improvement– at least Steve won’t get a concussion here. But that doesn’t mean this is how he wanted to spend his days leading up to Christmas. 

At least since his reputation already took a tumble it doesn’t really matter if he’s seen herding a bunch of nerds– or, in this case, wandering between carol singers and stands decked with lights all by himself after the kids he oh so kindly drove here ditched him and wandered off on their own. 

Whatever. It’s not like they’re starting to grow on him or anything.

He still keeps an eye on them since he’s kind of responsible for their asses. Right now he can see Byers and Henderson trying on dorky Christmas hats, Wheeler with his arm around El as she stares at the big Christmas trees and Sinclair and Max huddled together, drinking hot chocolate.

As a shiver runs down his spine, Steve thinks the last two have the right idea so he looks for the stand selling hot beverages. He stands in line, tuning out the people asking for hot chocolate, mulled wine, and apple cider. 

“What can I get you?” The woman asks the guy directly in front of Steve. 

“Greetings, fair lady,” he says with a dramatic flourish of his hand. “Might I have a warm draught of spiced cocoa, sweetened and brewed with hot water?”

Both Steve and the woman stare blankly at the guy, who laughs and asks for a hot chocolate.

While the woman prepares the drink, Steve looks him over. The moment he turns around to dig in his back pocket for his wallet, Steve recognizes him. 

Eddie Munson. 

His usual mane of black hair is tucked under a black winter hat and his familiar vest has been replaced by a green jacket but his voice and his showy way of talking are impossible to miss.

And his laugh– Steve remembers hearing it one day during lunch and surprising himself by immediately wishing he could hear it again. 

Right now he tries to pay attention in case Eddie decides to laugh again but all Steve overhears is him cursing as he pats the front of his jeans. “Shit– I, uh– I think I forgot my wallet, sorry–”

Eddie sounds embarrassed and when he pivots to leave, his cheeks are bright pink, his forehead pinched in a sad frown. 

Cute is what Steve thinks first before feeling bad for him. 

The woman has to clear her throat to get his attention.  

“Sorry,” Steve says sheepishly, still staring at Eddie as he disappears into the crowd. 

He gets an idea. “I’ll get that guy’s hot chocolate and another one for me, please?”

When the woman gives him both drinks, Steve goes looking for Eddie. 

He finds him staring up at a big Christmas tree, the bright multicolored lights reflecting on his face and making it glow. Steve can’t help but think he looks pretty. 

“If you’re planning to throw that on my face, Harrington, at least let it cool first,” Eddie says, startling Steve.

“What?”

“Isn’t that why you’re lurking?” Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow at him. “Or maybe you got that for your date? Has the King moved on already?” 

Steve ignores the last part and holds out one of the paper cups. “Actually this is for you.”

Eddie’s eyebrows knit together. “For me?”

“Yeah, I was behind you in the line and heard you forgot your wallet so I got it for you.”

“Why?” Eddie asks warily. 

Steve isn’t about to admit he wanted an opportunity to talk to Eddie so he just shrugs. “I don’t know, man. Blame the Christmas spirit or something.” 

Eddie narrows his eyes. “So this is– what? Charity?”

“No! No, no–” Steve shakes his head. “I just wanted to be nice.” 

“Nice? To me?” Eddie asks skeptically.

“Yeah.” 

Eddie’s nose scrunches up. “No, thanks.”

“What?” Steve says, dumbfounded. He didn’t expect Eddie to turn down free hot chocolate. 

“I don’t need you to pay for my stuff, Harrington.”

“It’s just hot chocolate, dude,” he says, keeping his tone light, friendly. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” 

“It means I’ll owe you.”

Steve lets out a heavy sigh. “If it’ll make you act like less of a dick you can just pay me back.”

Eddie purses his lips but when Steve stretches his arm out again, offering him the drink, Eddie takes one teeny tiny little shuffle of a step towards him and grabs it. 

“Fine,” he mumbles, grabbing the cup with both hands and blowing on it. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Steve says, a smile settling across his face. “Was that so hard?”

Eddie glares half-heartedly. “Don’t push it, Harrington,” he says but his voice is teasing, and when Steve chuckles, the corners of Eddie’s lips tug up in a smile.

So Steve decides to push. 

“Are you, uh, here with someone?” 

Eddie freezes mid-sip, narrowing his eyes again. “Why? Are you gonna make fun of me and call me a freak?”

“Dude, no,” Steve says, rolling his eyes. “Just- there’s this Christmas show happening soon and I thought we could see it together? It’s probably not your thing but I heard there’s gonna be music. You like music, right?”

“Do I like–” Eddie laughs and there it is- that happy, delighted little sound. “Yes, you could say I like music, Stevie.”

Stevie. 

The nickname makes something warm flutter in his stomach that has nothing to do with his hot drink. “So do you wanna? See it with me?”

“Why?” 

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you going to be this difficult every time I’m nice to you?”

“Yes. But only because you’re cute when you’re annoyed,” Eddie winks.

Oh. That giddy fluttery feeling in Steve’s stomach gets stronger. 

Maybe that hot chocolate will mean something after all. 

[calamity-talvi]

Merlin concept

Tw: discussion around death and funeral arrangements.

Arthur was waiting for Gaius in the physician chambers. He's bored and alone and starts leafing through some books at random. In one of the books he looks through he finds a folded bit of paper, scribbed with some very random details in Gaius's hands. (I'm thinking stuff like; a random glade location outside of the castle, particular flowers, a robe and some other weird details)

Cue Merlin coming into the chamber and seeing Arthur open *that* book and noticing his confused face. "What you got there, Prat? You actually reading?" (Merlin is nervous, his eyes darting about as he tries to get closer, just subtle details that he knows what Arthur might have found and trying to move topic away/get the book back).

"I'm waiting for Gaius and decided to kill some time. Merlin?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you know what this note means? It seems like jibberish to me but it's written in Gaius's hand." (Arthur closes the gap and shows Merlin the note)

(Merlin realises he can't get out of this and decides to tell enough of the truth to satisfy Arthur but it clearly still holding something back) "Oh that note! Yeah I know what that note is about."

"Stop trying to be mysterious and explain it to me then." (Petulant Arthur who wants to know everything about everyone/everything)

"Alright, but promise you won't fly off the handle when I explain it."

(promise agreed and now we explain the note) In essence the note is Gaius's final wishes on what he wants done upon his death. Not quite a Will but more what arrangements he would like done with his corpse. So the glade is where he would like his body buried (or another location up to personal decision), the robe he would like and the flowers he want's planted near his body/laid on his grave (I like the idea that Gaius wants medicinal plants to grow near his body so that even in death he can be a source of healing to help people).

Arthur is stunned and shocked that Gaius would have written something like this, but it's then explained that after seeing how quick Uther was to turn on him with the Witch hunter and any other instances where Gaius came close to exectution. Gaius wanted to ensure that in the event of his untimely demise Merlin or someone else knew what he wanted done, so he would rest at peace.

Arthur's expression goes through several emotions, but ultimately he is confused, saddened but nods in understanding about why Gaius would have written something like this. It is about that sort of time that he would notice another slip of paper had fallen from the book and is on the floor which Merlin scrambles to pick up.

Arthur would try to grab it but Merlin dodges questions thrown his way and burns it by tossing it into the hearth. The note and Merlin's extreme reaction niggles at Arthur what it could be about but Merlin getting really defensive and shouting makes him withdraw... At least for the time being.

~oOo~

Cue a short skip of maybe a few days where Arthur has been needling and needling and needling Merlin about that note and his reaction. When he breaks Merlin and gets him to confess what the second note was about, Merlin again holds some of the truth back but does explain albeit reluctantly.

Just like Gaius, he wrote a note about what he wanted done with his body in the event of his sudden death. Arthur is shocked at this revelation and can't imagine Merlin ever dying. He's sad and can't imagine LIVING in a world without Merlin, but he listens and pays attention.

BUT he can't help but feel like there is more to the story that Merlin isn't saying. However Merlin is worked up enough and he's obviously struggling just to confess to this, so Arthur lets the matter drop for the time being, but files it away as something to circle back to at a later date.

Then we have magic getting revealed and the ban is in the works of being repealed and in that period we have Arthur inviting the druids to visit to make sure he's not missed anything in finalising the laws. He want's them to be welcomed back warmly and for them to not have to live in fear of persecution so having them involved in the talks is something Arthur is ademant about.

Now just before the druids leave the council session, Arthur asks them to hang back because he has a couple personal questions he would like their insight on. This would be where he asks whether the druids had ever discussed or noted down ever what they wanted done if his father ever caught them and had them executed for their magic.

So it surprises and sickens him that several of the druids nod and say that the have discussed it at length. They elaborate how all the druids know how the other wants their remains to be handled, and even the children once they are old enough to understand the concept of death are invited to learn what their parents, aunts, uncles etc want done, just in case.

And it's in this moment that it really and truly hits Arthur what it was like for magic users to live under his father's rule. Because he talked to knights about if they'd ever done something similar and while a couple of the older ones had considered what to have done with their bodies after death, many of them especially the younger ones hadn't. Truthfully the thought never crossed their minds about not living through a fight and not seeing the morrow.

~oOo~

And so once the magic ban is repealed Arhtur asks regular citizens who have magic about this same haunting question and learns that even they had little slips of paper tucked and hidden away, whispered words in the dead of night just in case they were executed under his father.

At some point through all this Arthur connects the dots and realises that Merlin wasn't just writing a note in case he didn't make it back from patrol, like Arthur had first assumed. Instead he made that note just like all the others in case he was caught for magic that he had possessed since birth.

This leads Arthur to double down. He does his best to ensure his kingdom is a safe place for all of his people. so that a fraction of them never feel the need to write notes like that or have that sort of discussion until much later in life.

And at the end of it all despite all that he's done, Arthur knows some of his people, especially the magic users, still write those notes or have those discussions. But the one that breaks his heart most is knowing that Merlin has one tucked away somewhere.

However this time Arthur knows where that note is. It is in a book in their shared chamber and next to it is a note he himself reluctantly wrote in case he dies before Merlin.

Now he knows as king his funeral is a spectacle, one that will have the whole kingdom mourning for quite some time. But Merlin has magic and could make an illusion, allowing his people to mourn a fake him...

His real body, as discussed in the note he wrote, will be buried in a part of the forest that means a lot to him, it will have his mother's favourite flowers planted all around and he will have two objects buried with him.

The first is his mother's ring and the second one of Merlin's neckerchief's placed over his heart with his hands atop it and Merlin will be buried beside him, so that they are never parted.

[dalliancekay]

Aziraphale does NOT need to suffer MORE

Can't believe I have to say this. TW: grief, mourning, death (sorry) I have, since falling into the fandom 6 months ago to escape real life, seen many takes on how Aziraphale needs to (or at least should) suffer in S3 to match Crowley's suffering. As the counterpart to the moment Crowley thinks he lost Aziraphale as he's looking for him desperately in the burning bookshop....

...after this he drinks, we suppose, to dull his pain, waiting for the Armageddon. Or, for the way Crowley suffers at the bandstand argument, the 'I Forgive You' moments, which many people find utterly devastating and incredibly heartless from Aziraphale. Not to mention when he doesn't react in the 'right way' to Crowley's confession in the Final 15. And then on top of that, 'abandons' Crowley. For Heaven. Oh and also for, and I quote: "The smug and entitled way Aziraphale went around in S2 assuming Crowley would love and follow him everywhere." And so for all this pain that Crowley endured for him, Aziraphale should suffer in S3 (to I assume) even out the scores. Or... to deserve Crowley. Some people also want to see him lose it, show his emotions, to cry or beg or otherwise show how much he misses Crowley and how very sorry he is for what he has (so thoughtlessly) done.

Now for the TW grief content I motioned above. You can skip to the next sentence in bold.

I was on holiday late September last year, visiting my mum, stepfather and my two younger brothers. We went to a cousin's wedding. It was great. The day after, as I was hanging out reading a book, my mum got a call. The kind of call every mother fears. My youngest brother (he was 27) died in an accident. We needed to speak to police and the coroner. She cried and cried. She's still crying. She asks questions. She gets no answers. I...did not cry. I talked to the police. I googled a funeral home. I bought my brother his last set of clothes. He lived in a hoodie and torn black jeans. Mum wanted a suit. I texted a lot of people. I bought snacks for the many friends who came to the funeral and wanted to speak to us after. My grief feels like a vice. I am not sad. I do not appear sad. Contrary to what people expect. But I am ANGRY. I am furious. But nobody can see this. I am not fine and I wish no one would ever* ask how I was again. TW/Personal content over. WE ALL SUFFER DIFFERENTLY Since I was small (because I am weird like that) I genuinely wondered if, finding myself in danger, I could scream like people in films do. I don't think I could. I cope with hard situations, fear and stress and anxiety by shutting down, sometimes by retreating as well, and by furiously (but quietly) trying to find a way out. And I think Aziraphale does the same. And that's why I love him so much. And why I feel I get him and understand that people sometimes can't tell how much he's actually feeling. I also express love the way Aziraphale does - by organising things for people, inviting them places, making plans. When Crowley said you call me for three things (and it's basically any old reason) I felt SO SEEN. This is what I would do with a friend who I know is feeling unmoored, sad, stuck (Crowley's 'What's the point of it all' at the beginning of S2). I'd text them with any old thing. I'd never actually say I love you, but I would try to get them to talk, meet me, go somewhere. Aziraphale does not express emotions the same way as Crowley.

But his emotions are valid nonetheless. He is worried for Crowley from around 3 minutes into their acquaintanceship. And he NEVER stops worrying from then on.

And are we quite sure he has never lost Crowley?

How many times did Aziraphale's heart freeze in horror when he realised Hell has taken Crowley and he had no idea if he'll ever come back and what is happening to him?

How did Aziraphale spend the night after vanquishing the demons and starting a war? He had no idea where Crowley was. What happened to him. He was probably sick with worry that Hell just took him away. We didn't see him drink and cry, but surely, the worry must have been overwhelming. The wait for what will happen now.

ALL his worries over the Arrangement. Was he worried for himself? Do we really think that?

Crowley thought he lost Aziraphale in S1, yes, we saw that. And what happened to the angel then?

He got blown into atoms which I bet wasn't pleasant and when he arrives in Heaven he limps. Why is he hurt? And why is he quickly pretending he isn't? Why is he always hiding how he feels? Also, he immediately deserts, wants no part in the Holy War and quickly finds an extremely unconventional way to get back. It's not a grand gesture, he doesn't deliberate, doesn't worry that he will Fall (although surely that must have been what he thought will happen if he survives this), there's no pomp around it, he thinks it and then does it. No hesitation.

Is this coming from an angel who just can't leave Heaven behind and longs to be a part of it? Who loves to follow rules? And let's not forget in those moments Aziraphale thought Crowley was most likely gone. That he probably left for Alpha Centauri. Last he heard from him he was told he was talking to an old friend and had no time for him. Why we NEVER talk about how that might have felt for Aziraphale? About his sadness?

Things are not as simple as Aziraphale has been supressing his emotions and lying to himself about how he feels and he should get over it and become free. That's not how this works. First of all, he was suppressing his emotions OUT OF LOVE. His main goal was always to keep Crowley safe. They simply couldn't run away or hoodwink Heaven and Hell. They had nowhere to go. They had no hope and yet they kept loving each other. That's courage. I know we all grew up with Romeo and Juliet and Heathcliff and Cathy and we FORGOT that those were CAUTIONARY tales. And this is not what Aziraphale wants for them. He would never allow himself to go so fast he would hurt Crowley. He feels guilty enough for agreeing to the Arrangement and for meeting Crowley at all when he knows they can be discovered and punished at any point. And Crowley knows it and RESPECTS it. He does not tolerate Aziraphale's decision to not go on a date and to hell with circumstances. He understands Aziraphale's reasoning and he respects Aziraphale's decision. Don't forget, they have NO POWER. They can't change Heaven and Hell. They can't stop believing in God and work on their religious trauma. Their Heaven and Hell are real places with real power and they both BELONG to them. Aziraphale's trauma and his personality are deeply intertwined and he'd probably never be the kind of person who is open in showing their grief or stress like Crowley does. He will learn to be more open, I'm sure. With his love especially, we see him reaching for and touching his demon in S2. Openly being with him, looking at him without guarding himself. They got a little bit of freedom for themselves despite ALL odds. So. Just because Aziraphale is not crying and screaming and I dunno, tearing his hair out or whatever some people would have him do, does not mean he isn't overflowing with pain, fear, uncertainty, doubts, worries, and so much anxiety that if he let it all out, half of the solar system would turn to ashes.

Aziraphale does not need to suffer in S3 to level out Crowley's suffering. They are, unfortunately, equal in their pain as they are in love. If there is one thing Crowley would never abide, it'd be this take from the fandom. * One more note on grief: (obviously from my personal experience) As initiated by @anthony-crowleys-left-nut in a comment

It's not that I mind to know people care and worry etc, not at all. But asking how I am can only end up in me lying (fine, thank you) and both of us knowing it's not really true and feeling awkward or not lying (I feel like shit, mostly cos I can't sleep and think the world is a stupid, unfair place) and both of us feeling awkward anyway. Does that make sense? I wish I could tell friends/colleagues to ask what I've been up to or something similar instead. What I've been reading (um, AO3, but I'll make something up), watching, do I want to go see some spring flowers bloom (I do). I think...this would probably work not just for someone who is grieving but also for someone who you know is dealing with depression for example or a serious illness etc. Edit 2. It's now almost (in 15 days) a year since my brother died. The random attacks of pain and grief have lessened and I have started to do more of the things I enjoyed before... and I am able to answer how are you questions without feeling like they are trying to mock me (the questions, not the people). So I suppose things do get ... lighter? More diffused? I'm not sure. Because it's still exactly as unfair that my brother has not lived this past year as it will be however many years I will be here without him I expect.

[venuslarkspur]

Teen Hero Shenanigans

Part 4

Lost And Found

Summary: Your Damian’s Twin Sister, after arriving 3 years after your brother, you never excepted to take the Robin mantle, until your brother runs away and you volunteer to take his place. Damian eventually returns and you are discharged from the role, after bottling up your anger you decide to go solo by running away and stealing the Batgirl. But you’re not alone, your sort of boyfriend joins you. The main problem is the boyfriend in question is your brother’s best friend, Jon Kent.

Warning: Wounds, pregnancy, mentions of abandonment, mentions of marriage, angst sort of. Toxic Al Ghul family.

Pairing: Jon Kent x Batsis (romantic), Batfamily x Batsis (platonic).

———————

“Are you feeling better now?” Jon asked, you were sat on your shared windowsill whilst he tended to your wounds. You tried to tend to his wounds too, but to be honest he had taken basically no damage; he was just trying to make you feel better. “All good now.” He said and let you lift your leg down, you looked down at your battered uniform. Seeing the beautiful purple fabric paired with the yellow symbol that you loved so much, it made you miss home. “I got the test, it’s in the bathroom for you.” He uttered, hitting his nails nervously

“Okay I’ll be right back, thanks.” You said and stood up, you kissed his forehead and disappeared into the bathroom. You were both acting, acting like everything was okay. Acting as if you were both mature adults who were ready for this, you weren’t. You were 2 days shy of your 16th birthday and Jon had only just turned 16. You pondered to yourself, that maybe if you had instead acted less like an adult and more like the child you actually are, this wouldn’t be happening. You noticed Jon had bought three tests, probably in case of a false negative. You unwrapped them and eventually did the job.

Finally came the moment of truth, you held the three tests below you, refusing to look. Your arm slung up against the sink next to you as you sat down. Praying to whoever was listening for this all to be foully, you took in a deep breath and breathed out again before lifting up all three tests. All of which read “pregnant.”

————————

You sat frozen as ice, just staring and struggling to comprehend; wondering if this was the price of you and Jon’s love. Or would this be a fatal mistake? A million thoughts came and raced through your mind: Has Damian already told father? What will your siblings do? What will your maternal family think?! Would they make you get rid of it? Could you even care for something so vulnerable when you yourself were so so vulnerable? Will Jon’s parents want nothing to do with you?

Most of the thoughts were preposterous and insane, normally you’d know that. But your hands sweated and your heat thumped all the same. You managed to climb of the toilet and yell “Jon!”

—————————

“Oh gosh-I..I don’t know what to say.” Jon uttered, you both sat on the end of the bed; you held up your positive pregnancy tests. “Maybe that you aren’t gonna abandon me?” You said, coming off a bit harsh; logically you knew Jon wouldn’t do that, but your insecurity got the better of you. “I’m sorry, you’re right.” He bowed his head either in shame or sadness. You couldn’t tell which hurt you more. But what made you tear up was the thought of bringing your kid home, and giving them the childhood you wish you had; They would have so many people who would love them, unlike your childhood that seethed with deceit and rage.

“It’s gonna be fine- I mean, I think it will get easier as we get older.” He looked up to you again, you guessed he finally found the right things to say. “No I’m not gonna leave even if this whole thing is freaking me out a bit.” He said and rubbed the back of his head. “Jon, are we gonna get married?” You asked, looking at him with the gaze he found so soothing. “What?!” He jittered back slightly, not in hesitance but rather shock. His face looked so cute now, but you couldn’t understand what startled him so much. You had always assumed getting married was the safest option if you ever were impregnated, at least that’s what your grandfather said. You had to fight the urge to strike a match when you recalled to yourself the fact that your aunt Nyssa was born out of wedlock. But you resisted the urge.

“We aren’t even old enough to drive let alone get married.” He tells you quietly bowing his head slightly. “Oh..” You mutter under your breath, a bit sad but also grateful. “It’s not that I won’t want to one day, I think it would benefit our kid-gosh! that sounds weird to say…but anyways I want the same as you, I don’t want him or her having to travel between cities constantly.” He tells, moving back to his original spot. Your heart fluttered a bit, thank goodness for Lois Lane teaching Jon some responsibility; You excepted him to leave and get on with his life in all truth. “Sorry, it sounds like all that time in the mountains clouded my brain, I wasn’t thinking.” You reply, playing with your hands.

“Don’t apologise, anyway, it’s your birthday in 2 days. I’m gonna get some supplies for your cake.” He places a kiss on your cheek and stands up, it was his little kisses that you always appreciated so much, you always had to savour every piece of affection he gave you. “You gonna be okay on your own?” He asks, normally you’d say some remark about how you could ‘handle yourself’ but you didn’t today, knowing he was already worried and stressed. “Of course, don’t worry.” You say smiling, he opens the door and throws his coat on; “Just shout, and I’ll be there.” Jon said, closing the door behind him. You let out a sigh of relief and took some time to stare at the night sky in the window next to you, thinking how it didn’t compare to Jon.

—————————

You hear a sudden ‘knock knock’ on the door as you clean around the flat. You tilt your head confused, Jon had only left 5 minutes ago? And he knew the door was open. Something was off. You grabbed a plate from the tiny kitchen, maybe to use it as a weapon? You weren’t sure, your body just went into fight or flight. You slowly opted towards the door, not bothering to use the peep hole.

You open the door, fast, you raise the plate up ready to attack. But your body hesitates at the familiar face. “Dick?” You ask, your voice cracking. You stood there in shock, completely petrified. His face oddly relaxed though, you excepted him to be seething. “I’ve been looking for you.” He said, but instead of sounding harsh his face eases; and he pulls you into a hug. So quick you don’t process it until 5 seconds later, your hands shake but you return his gesture. You stay that way for another 10 seconds, and without warning your facade collapses and tears began to fall from your eyes slowly. You slowly back up and cover your face, Dick ushers you inside and shuts the door. You suddenly choose now to take into account he was in full Nightwing get-up, it felt like your heart was collapsing, all the recurring memories of your family rushed to you, reminding you what you gave up. You fall to your knees with little grace and cry into your hands.

A whirlwind of emotions had taken over, Dick crouches next to you and you blurt something out; “I’m sorry brother.” You babble out, looking at him. He stares in shock, hopefully not a bad shock. “What?” He uttered, shocked at the use of the word ‘brother’, sure you had called Damian and even Jason at one point ‘brother’, but never him. His heart melted and he took you again in his arms, more firmly this time. “I’m so sorry!” You spurt out, an ugly waterfall of tears falling down your face; turning your cheeks sore. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there, we’ve all been worried sick.” He whispered in your ear, it was oddly comforting. “Even father?”

“Especially father.” He declared, pulling you to your feet slowly. “Damian said you had something to tell us all?” He asked, but immediately regretted asking; you could tell by his face. “Oh..maybe Christmas would be a better time to let you all know, since I think father might be less mad on that day.” You remarked so casually but looking downward at your beaten costume. “Don’t worry, they will all just be happy you’re safe..” He said, awkwardly, but you could tell he was heart broken inside that you left, he acted relaxed but you knew the truth. You wiped your face with your arm and sniffled, “Can I please go home now?” You said, a sadness and urgency in your voice.

“That’s why I came.” He replied back, a seriousness in his tone. He ushered you out the abandoned flat, taking in its surroundings; probably wondering how you lived like this, but didn’t say anything. “W-wait!” You stuttered, half way down the hall. “What about Jon..? He’s coming with us.” You declared, crossing your arms; trying to look strong despite your tear dampened face and shivering lip. Dick sighs and confesses to you, “In truth, this was planned, we were waiting to get you both alone; Jon’s family should be meeting him now and taking him home.” He said, hiding no secrets. You both walked again, hoping one day you and Jon could still make that cake together. “But father might not want me to see him after everything.” You said, tears threatening to fall again, but Dick places a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“I’m not happy about this, that’s for sure, but I can’t stop you loving him, which is why I can only help you.” He smiled at you and you returned his smile. “Also..they all insisted on coming.” He announced, and you turned your head to look at him. “Seriously? ALL of them?” You asked, and you actually feel happy, just like old times; “Well, myself, Barb, Jason, Cass, Tim, Duke and Steph.” He listed, and your heart twisted upon not hearing Damian’s name. Was he still mad? “Oh and Kate has came round as well, Bruce knows how much you like her.” He mentioned, it was true. You did like your Aunt Kate and how comforted she made you feel.

“I’m happy.” You told him, he peered at you and kept his smile. “You’re getting better at expressing emotion.” He said “I’m proud of you.” He patted your head and you continued down the grimy stairs. “Well I did have a good teacher.” You announced and he looked at you hopefully but you had to disappoint him. “I was talking about Jon, but sure you work too.” You giggled and he playfully eyed you. “Seriously?”

“Very, I hope I can see him again before Christmas.”

————————

THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING PATIENTLY <3

My exams are now over 💗🎉

Taglist: @waterwyne @venusmorning @planetlotus @sugarrush-blush @skepvids @dreaming-of-the-reality @otterluver05 @godoreo22 @earth-to-name @krys0210 @0924ours @type-ink @mallowryblog @allycat4458 @chenlelover @qardasngan

IF YOU ASKED TO BE TAGGED AND WEREN’T, PLEASE CHECK UR SETTINGS 💗 (I promise you weren’t ignored)

IM SORRY IF THIS WAS SERIES IS TAKING FOREVER IM VERY BUSY NOWADAYS, WHILE YOUR WAITING PLEASE CHECK OUT MY OTHER CONTENT AS THATS ALL IVE BEEN ABLE TO RELEASE <3 TY

[rottenherbs]

Lost to Family // G.W x reader

Request: I was wondering if I could request a George Weasley x reader where they have been dating in secret for a while because the reader's family are death eaters, but she doesn't agree with them and in the battle of Hogwarts she has to choose a side to fight and she goes with George? (also Fred lives please)

Word count:1.8k

Authors note: Happy christmas! I hope you guys are having a wonderful winter so far. I just finished this tonight , tis the season eh?

[masterlist]

Much love, Saige

———————-

Your life like many other hogwarts students, were ripped to shreds in a way that wasn’t anticipated. Every moment was under the threat of your demise, loved ones gone, friends choosing to fight with the enemy, face to face with death around every corner.

You were 17. Your life was allegedly in its peak, your body limber and amble, your mind sharp as a tack, your life romantic and soft. The moment the news that Dumbledore had been killed changed everything you once knew. You didn’t know who you could trust, only keeping your boyfriend's family close. Harnessing your new skills of defensive and reactive spells, you retrieved a letter in the mail from your parents, one that you thought would never come.

———

You and George had been facing a practicing dummy in the backyard attempting a new set of spells that Lupin had shared with the younger students in the order.

“Dear! A letter!” Molly shouted from the burrow, echoing lightly over to you and George.

“That’s for you.” He laughed nudging your shoulder. “She doesn’t call me dear, just George… or Fred.”

You chuckled, slipping your wand into your sweatshirt and kissed him on the cheek turning and leaving him to practice without you.

Walking into the burrow, Molly held the letter in her hands, noticeably fidgeting the paper in between her fingers.

“I’m sorry, we had to open it first to make sure it was safe.” She handed it over, the envelope ripped slightly revealing the corner to a dark black cardstock. You furrowed your eyebrows, grabbing it slowly

Our sweetest girl.

Please take this letter as an open invitation, to understand our way of life.

We have met so many wonderful people. We have learned the correct way of life. We have missed your presence dearly.

Power is held within purity. Your soul is pure, you can be saved if you choose to fight for the right side.

We wish to keep you safe, keep you civilized.

Keep you in the ascendency of moral righteousness

Mum and Dad

Your heart sank to your stomach, each passing word taking the breath out of your lungs. Your eyes stung, not realizing you had kept your eyes open for over a minute, reading and rereading the short letter. Your head began to shake in disapproval, tears streaming down your face.

You understood your parents had gone missing during the year, believing their belligerent morals towards Voldemort had gotten them killed. You had mourned them. You had gone through grief in a way you couldn’t describe. The new information that their existence was proven in a handwritten letter had opened a wound you thought was closed forever.

“Oh.” Molly walked over, holding your shaking body, slumping your entire weight into her short frame. You were too distraught to notice George entering the house, rushing over to you quickly. The letter had fallen from your hands, sliding across the kitchen floor near his feet.

Picking it up and reading, his ears had gone red in anger, though his body felt an uncontrollable sadness. He had been with you when you got word they had passed, now standing in confusion, all of the past year feeling like a lie.

It took you a few hours to calm down fully, but you ended up laying down in George’s arms, soothing you as much as he could. Not only had the war been coming closer with each passing day, the new information that your name had been wanted for voldemorts army had placed an intricate target on your back. Would you see your parents? would they kill you themselfs? Every thought that passed through your mind was morbidly macabre. Only the sounds of George’s sweet voice kept you from truly spirling.

“Me and you. I promise. I promise”

-

A letter had been sent to the burrow one night, unsigned yet a small inked paw print placed sloppily in the corner, signaling a message from McGonagall. She had been a set of eyes on the inside of Hogwarts, ready to dispatch help the moment it was needed.

Lighting has struck

Word had gotten to the snake

Unknown arrival

Preparation underway

The letter was short, incredibly succinct but told us we were finally being called to the front lines. Hogwarts would be under attack in mear hours. All of the Weasley family that weren’t at hogwarts had gotten dressed and hugged another tightly, a solemn silence over the family, understanding the implications of what is to come.

Holding George’s hand, he leaned down placing a kiss on your head shooting you a confident wink before apperating you both.

You both arrived in Mcgonagals office, looking around nervously hoping your presence wasn’t heard by the wrong crowd. You waited patiently both snooping around with eachother not ever having the opportunity to be in her office, and alone at that.

Soon the door swung open, a young blonde witch quickly closing it behind her.

“You're here! Wonderful!” Luna beamed, her smile wide and genuine as she looked at you and George. “Well come on. No time for pleasantries.” She quipped, opening the door and ushering you both out. She held up a finger to her lips, shushing you both as you stepped out into the hallway.

Nostalgia hit you the moment your feet clacked against the stone flooring. Memories of the 7 years of wonder and peace you spent in the halls quickly dissolved as you remembered why you were there. The memories break into just small crippling distasteful feelings, leaving you numb as you walk faster down the corridor.

Arriving at a plain stone wall, Luna looked around as the stone morphed into a beautifully intricate door, swinging open just enough to slip your bodies through. The other side was warm and lively, many students laughing together in small piles of makeshift beds and blankets.

You and George were taken into a hug by Ron and Hermione simultaneously, both squeezing you from all sides, comforting you deeply. Once they pulled away, all four of you looked at each other sadly.

“It must be really happening huh.” Ron mumbled, his smile faltering into a straight lipped grimace. “Its still nice to see you y/n, even with the circumstances.” Ron leaned, his smile returning momentarily.

“It’s always nice to see you Ron” You smiled looking around the room once more.

“Oh this is kinda like our headquarters.” Hermione spoke looking around at the room proudly. “Students made it themselves. Those who want to fight.”

The hundreds of students around the room felt comforting and disgustingly frightening. These teens are all willing to put their life on the line for what is right, just like you. All of these children, teens, barely adults, all stuck in a situation that is out of their hands.

———

The fight started abruptly. You and the members of the order took their places around the castle fortifying the sky with a powerful shield spell, hopefully holding out the enemy in anyways possible. George kept you close, determined to keep you safe. Keep you alive.

The sky went silent, the shield sending a glimmering cast over the stars. You and George sat, tired from the journey, holding each other close for as long as you could. You both didn’t know when the fight would begin, but for this moment you two were together and that’s all that mattered.

“I wish it was plant have to end this way” you mumbled resting your chin on your hand. George leaned back, his wand gripped tightly in his hand.

“I know love. We all do.” He mumbled back. Both of you stayed together for a few hours. Out of nowhere a deep pain struck your mind; a voice echoing as if they were inside your head.

Return Harry Potter

You fell to your knees, the pain lingering making you want to scream. George held his head next to yours, his eyes displayed and confused. Had you all heard it?

You both had the decision to meet the others in the courtyard, a feeling of yield over the fight. Having a limited time until they find Harry themselfs you knew you had to reconcile and replan.

Both of you walked hand in hand through the halls. Stone archways and paintings were broken to pieces, rubble scattered everywhere. You felt like you wanted to sob, to stop and feel all of the emotions flowing through your body but felt numb, unable to act on the feelings. You just sighed and gasped as you and George passed your favorite areas, the smoke still filling rooms from fires and spells.

Arriving at the main courtyard you felt safer, surrounded by all of the students you sat in the room of requirement. The feeling of power in numbers. Nothing broke your heart further than when you looked across the bridge two familiar faces looked back, eyes swollen with tears and clothes bloody from wounds.

“Darling! Y/n! Darling!” Your mother yelled eagerly, her smile unwavering and hands outstretched towards you. The crowd hushed at the sound, surprised at the courage of those who spoke so loudly. Your legs became heavy, unable to move or react. Your eyes widened but your lips tightens together, nothing but anger and frustration running through your veins.

How dare she adress you. How dare she show ties to you.

“Mmmm yes. The daughter of my most faithful new members.” Voldemort purred, his sharp yellowed teeth baring towards you. You didn’t move, your eyes making eye contact with the dark lord sent shivers down your spine. You wondered how easy it was to persuade your parents.

George’s hand tightened in yours, looking between you and Voldemort quickly, his body tense and stoic. It felt as if he was holding you in place, the thought that you’d take a step forward raced across his mind. The idea that you’d be pulled across the invisible line between the sides.

“Darli-“ she started again, her smile faltering slightly. Voldemort’s hand whipped up silencing her quickly. She swallowed awkwardly attempting to not show her fear.

“Let the child decide.” He bellowed, prone in this arms towards you, his followers enveloping into a loud cheers. You made eye contact with your mother once more, deciding that would be the last time you ever would.

“I do not belong with you.” You shouted, your voice shaking slightly. George’s hand shook yours lightly in reassurance, your body and mind feeling like it could take no more.

[lokigodofmyheart]

GOSSIP

Pairing: Loki x Female Reader.

Words: 4.412.

Summary: Y/N and Loki are friends. They say they are best friends, but a lot of gossip go around the palace about them, because of how close they are, how they lay together a lot, share drinks, this kind of things couples would do. But in reality, they never did anything, not even kissed.  

Warning/Content: smut, friends to lovers.

MASTERLIST

It was a quiet afternoon in the golden palace of Asgard. Y/N and Loki were in his room, in his bed, while Loki was laying with his head on her stomach, while she played with his hair. 

“How do you not sleep when I play with your hair?”  

Loki shrugs slightly as his mind is split between keep reading the book in his hand and talking to her “I don't know. I just don't.”  

Y/N chuckles “I sleep so easily when you play with mine.” 

"I wish that I could sleep easily like you," Loki sighs, "but I struggle with it. You just have a soothing touch that puts me at ease. I feel safe around you." 

“Good to know.” She smiles, still playing with his hair. Loki puts the book down and looks up at her, smiling as well. “What was the book about?” 

"This?" Loki moves the book so she can see the cover, it says 'Romeo and Juliet' on it, and has the pictures of the two characters. "It is about two people whose love was not supported by their families. The lovers ended up dying in the end." 

“That’s tragic.”  

"Yes, it is sad," Loki replies, "But sometimes love can be like a tragedy. Sometimes people are not supportive of love. Sometimes even family are not supportive of each other. But a tragedy has to have a sad ending. And I will not let our story have a sad ending." He suddenly rolls her on top of him so that she are now laying on her stomach on top of him, her head on his chest. Y/N just smiles.

"But enough about Shakespeare," Loki chuckles and kiss the top of her head, "I rather spend this moment with you."  

“Hmm, that’s better.” Y/N looks at him and smiles. 

"Much better," Loki murmurs, still holding her close to him and running his hand through her hair. "Much, much better." 

“Stop that or I’m gonna sleep in no time.” She laughs softly. 

"Then I suppose I should definitely keep doing it." Loki's hand comes through her hair again more slowly this time as he chuckles softly. 

“Is my company that boring that you prefer me to be asleep?” 

"Your company is wonderful," He answers, "But the feeling of your weight resting on top of me... That's another feeling entirely. And it's one I very much like." 

Y/N laughs softly, before she finds a more comfortable position with her head on his neck, her breath hitting his skin. Loki shivers slightly, it makes him feel warm inside.  

"That feels nice." He squeezes her a bit tighter, burying his nose into her hair, and enjoying the feeling of having Y/N lying on him like this. Her hand once again find his hair to play. 

He leans into the touch of her hands on his hair. It is a relaxing sensation. "So, this is how it feels to be the pillow." Loki teases playfully. 

That takes a laugh of her. "You’re quite a comfortable pillow, you know?” 

"That I am." Loki's lips curve up into a smile, the two of them now more comfortable with each other. His hands travel from her hair to her lower back, pulling her even closer. The two are now almost a tangle of bodies. Loki pulls her so that her head rests in the crook of his neck. One of his arms comes around to holds her firmly but gently to him, just enough pressure to make him feel her body. 

They are relaxing in the comfortable silence when suddenly they were disturbing by Thor opening the door of Loki’s room. “Loki, have you…OH, I’m sorry.” And he closed the door as soon as he opened. 

Loki sighs, not bothering to break his current position "I should really consider locking the door from now on." 

“You should.” Y/N chuckles. “I can already hear the gossip the maids will do: Thor got Loki and Y/N together on bed.” 

He chuckles quietly, amused by that. Then he realized how that could be misinterpreted "You know... The more I think about it, the more I realize how that whole gossip thing will look. I mean, we are two single people.... And we're laying on top of each other." 

“This will be so misinterpreted...” She agrees with a small laugh. 

"Oh definitely." Loki suddenly has an idea."Oh! We should totally add to the gossip." 

“What do you mean?” Y/N look confused at him. 

"We should give the maids something more to gossip about." Loki grins, a slightly mischievous edge to him. "Let's have you come out of my room a little more... disheveled." 

“And how exactly?” She smiles at his mischievous idea. 

"Well..." he suddenly pulls her more tightly to him, whispering into her ear , in a sensual way not typical from the two of them "Like how we were just doing things." 

A shiver went down her spine “I see...” 

"So, are you in?" Loki's breath hitches in his throat. He wants this. 

“I am...maybe we should do something with you too, not just me?” 

"Like what?" He asks, his breath catching once again.  

Y/N thinks for a moment “I don’t know...maybe…a hickey on your neck…? That would help sell our story.” 

Loki's body reacts to the suggestion.  His breath caught again, his entire body tingling as if his nerves were being tickled. “Y-yes..." Loki whispers, slowly. 

“Can I?” She whispers in his ear. He just nods, his eyes closed as his body trembles slightly.  His breath is quick and shallow. 

 Y/N then proceeds to kiss a spot on his neck, before starting to sucking gently but enough to leave a mark. Loki's body reacts again, his legs starting to tense as his breath grows short.  The feeling is... more than he thought it would be.  His hands move around her, squeezing her tighter to him.  His eyes are still closed, but his mouth is agape slightly, his breath coming out in quick gasps.  His body trembles slightly, his hips moving slowly as he feels her mouth on his neck. 

She finally stops and look at her work “It’s perfect. Really believable.” 

Loki's entire body was flushed with heat. He took a deep breath before he answered. "Yes, perfect." His breath catching as he fights against a loud moan. He couldn't deny that this felt good. Extremely good. Maybe a little too good. 

“I think it’s your time to help me look “disheveled”, like you said . 

"Of course. " his voice raspy. He was still recovering from what she had done to him. "Are you ready for me to return the favor?" 

“What do you have in mind?” Y/N was curious. 

"The same thing... But to you." Loki grins. "You ready for me to give you a little mark on your neck." Y/N smiles and nods. He takes in a breath, then slowly moves over to her neck. Where she was gentle, he was more eager. But he was still trying to retain some control and not go too far. Her neck was just so soft and smooth and it was driving him crazy. Loki slowly kissed her neck, then slowly started sucking a little bit. 

Y/N let out a soft gasp, closing her eyes and gathering all of her selfcontrol to not moan at the feeling of his lips on her neck. Her reaction drives him a little crazy. He starts doing it again, this time with a little more pressure, a little more sucking. It's a little more intense than what she did to him, but she seemed to be enjoying it, which was all that mattered to him. She had tried to hold back, but eventually a low moan escaped her lips. 

Loki hears it and it drives him even crazier. He was enjoying this more than he thought he would. He continues the sucking for a few more seconds, then stops. "Do you want me to keep going...?" Loki whispers in her ear, his voice breathless. 

“I think it’s good enough…” she says coming back to her senses. 

He just nods quietly, a little disappointed "Is it enough to help with the gossip?"  

“I don’t know...maybe a few more things?” Y/N was wondering if she had really got back to her senses or not right now. 

"Like what?" Loki whispers, still breaths slowly coming out of him. 

“Maybe messy hairs…your shirt untucked?” she chuckles. 

"That, I think we can do." Loki chuckles as well. 

“Come on, sit up.” She smiles, as she was still laying on him. She was blaming his stupid plan right now for her acting this way. But it was all for the "prank", right?  

Loki nods and slowly sits up, bringing her up with him as he does, keeping his arms around her. He then gently runs his hands through her hair, making it messy as best as he can. One of his hands grabs her waist and pulls her a little bit closer to him “You ready for the next part?" 

Y/N laughs softly and then starts messing with his hair the best she can. Loki chuckles as well . He's still pulling her just a little bit closer to him, enjoying the fact that she is now straddling him.  Her legs on his hips...It is a little exciting, something that makes him tingle. 

She admires her work for a second, before looking back at his eyes “So now…untuck your shirt?” 

Loki nods and does exactly what she tell him. He untucks his shirt, then proceeds to mess it up even more. He plays with the collar, unbuttons it slightly at the top, just enough to add to the look. 

“Maybe you should unzip my dress just a little?” She was only doing this to sell the idea...right? 

His body tenses up at the suggestion, but he nods. "Okay..." Loki slowly unzips the top of her dress just a few inches, just enough so that her back are exposed a little bit. 

“Perfect.” Y/N laughs. 

"Anything else?" *Loki asks slowly and shakily.  His senses are tingling.  She was straddling him just right, his body was tingling in all the right places. This whole plan of his was backfiring on him. 

“I don’t know. Any ideas?” 

Loki thinks, but all his brain can think of is... Y/Nnd him becoming "disheveled" together. "Well..." He speaks quietly. “There's... one last thing we can do." 

Y/N was curious again, but her eyes had a hint of something, almost like desire “What is it?” 

Loki hesitates for a moment before he speaks. His breath catches in his throat. But he wants to do this. He can't deny that he wants to go through with this "Close your eyes..." 

She bites her lower lip before she let go and closes her eyes like he said. It was enough to make him tingle in all the right places. Loki slowly leans in and kisses her. His hands reach around her and pull her closer to him, her body pressed right up against his. 

Y/N couldn’t say she was surprised, because maybe she was expecting something like that. She kissed him back in the same instant. 

His heart starts to race as the kiss goes on longer.  He was starting to hold back less and less. His arms were wrapped around her tight, pulling her as close to him as he could, his one hand reaching to her lower back. Loki deepens the kiss, he wants to go even further. 

She was the first one to act on impulse, pulling his shirt off his body and as soon as it was discarded somewhere in his room, her hands started exporing his chest. Y/N pushes him with her weight so they would be laying back in their previous position, still with her legs straddling him. Y/N broke the kiss but instead of stopping, she went to his neck where she had left a mark previously.  

Loki's entire body shivers, just like before, his hands moving to the sides of her hips and moving them up the back of her body, touching her skin under the dress. He moans loudly as she start sucking his neck again.  

“Take it off…” Y/N whispers in his ear. 

Loki is breathless from the excitement. His eyes wide open, his breath coming quick and shallow.  The adrenaline is rushing through his entire body. He takes in a quick breath before he speaks. "Are you sure...?” 

She nods. “We’re just making the gossip more believable...” 

"We are..." Loki whispers back as his fingers slowly start grabbing at the zipper of her dress.  Y/N helped him get off the clothes, leaving her in only her underwear on top of him. Loki can't deny how beautiful she looks... She's his best friend, so why is his body reacting this way to her?  

 Loki whispers, the excitement making it difficult to talk. "I don't think this is just 'disheveled' anymore..." 

“No? Then what is it?” Her voice was matching his exciment. 

His breath skips. He can't deny the obvious. He is trying to, his mind telling him not to go further "I think this is... getting a little too real now." 

Loki was right, she realized “Yeah, maybe you’re right…” Y/N got off him to lay by his side, making him sighs quietly as she left his arms.    

"Maybe... We should stop..."*Loki whispers quietly, his voice breathless.  He looks at her. He can't deny that there is a tinge of disappointment in his eyes. He wanted to go a little further... Or... Was he scared because this is... Getting too real...? 

“Yeah. You’re right.” she says still laying by his side and looking up at the ceiling. 

The prince sighs again. He tries to relax his breath, but his body is still trembling slightly. "Sorry that I pushed this..." Loki says quietly, trying to hide his disappointment. He had built this up in his mind, got himself too excited, and then pulled back when it got too real. 

“It’s okay…” she says softly, hiding her own disappointment. 

Loki is silent a moment, still trying to settle down his adrenaline rush, his body still trembling. "Are...we okay..." Loki whispers, wanting to check if this whole thing did not impact the relationship between them in any way. 

Y/N chuckles and finally look at him with a small smile “We’re fine.” 

He gives her the smallest, softest smile in return. "Promise?" *Loki whispers quietly. He still just wants to make sure she'll still see him the same. Because there's nothing he wants less than to lose her. 

“I promise.” Another smile. 

Loki sighs, a relief washing over him “Good..." 

“I think we should get dressed...” Y/N says noticing now her situation. 

Loki nods slowly. "Yeah... We probably should." 

They both got up from the bed, putting their clothes back on. “Can you help me here?” She turns her back with the ziper open. 

"Of course." Loki whispers, reaching to help you zip up your dress. 

“Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” Loki smiles. 

She look at the hickeys she left on his neck and chuckles “Yep, I guess there will be a lot of gossip about that neck of yours.”  

“Yeah..." Loki chuckles a bit as well. "We definitely gave them something to talk about..." 

“Our plan succeeds then.” Y/N laughs. 

Loki chuckles softly as well, relieved and happy that she wasn’t  upset, and the whole thing didn't ruin their friendship. "Yeah... I guess it did." *Loki whispers quietly.  

And now with the initial excitement over, Loki's head is becoming a little more clear.  He's thinking back on what actually happened.  He's not sure if her reactions were genuine.  Or if she was just playing her part.  

“I think I should go now…for the sake of our plan.” 

"Yeah... You're right." Loki nods "We got our story... Now we just have to play it right.  I'll see you tomorrow?” 

“Of course.” Y/N smiles. 

"Good.  Then I will see you tomorrow." Loki gives you one last smile. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow” she smiles one last time before she left his room. 

Loki watches her leave his room.  He still can't believe how things had escalated tonight.  A part of him is relieved that it didn't result in anything more.  A bigger part of him is disappointed and even confused... Why did he want more?  And why did it make him so disappointed?  With a sigh, he heads to his bed, trying to clear his head. 

The next morning, when Loki arrived for breakfast, Thor was already there. His brother looked at his neck and laughed “What’s that on your neck?” 

"Uh...nothing..." Loki says quickly. 

“Interesting how Y/N also had marks on her neck this morning…after Thor say he found you two laying together…” Sif smirked. 

The plan definitely seemed to be working... Too well perhaps. "We were just laying together while having a conversation.  I was not doing anything more than just talking." Loki says quickly, trying to deny that anything more was going on at all.   

Sif and Thor laughed at this. “Loki, the only thing people are talking today is how Y/N left your room last night with her hair a mess and hickeys on her neck.” *The warrior says. 

"People talk too much..." Loki mutters.   

Loki had been focusing on his brother and Sif, completely oblivious to the fact that Y/N was not there yet. He really doesn’t want to think about what everyone else thinks… But he can’t help but start to think about it. This may not have been the best idea after all. Loki sighs and looks over to Thor. "Does it really have to be this big of a deal?" *Loki whispers.  The question was rhetorical, he didn't really expect Thor to answer.   

“No, brother. Why you two don’t assume you’re together at once? You keep this “we’re friends” thing.” Thor says. 

"Because we are just friends." *Loki snaps back. He wasn't going to allow his brother to jump to any conclusions.  He was hoping that the plan would result in some gossip and rumors, but he didn't want it to actually go too far.  

Sif notices how he keep looking at the entrance. “She’s not coming.”  

“She says she had some stuff to do.” Thor replies. 

“What kind of stuff?” Loki look at them, confused why Y/N hadn’t showed to breakfast. 

“She didn’t elaborated.” Sif answer. 

Loki lets out another small sigh. If she really was fine, then he was probably just making a big deal out of nothing. But Loki just couldn’t shake that feeling of nervousness.  

“Library.” Thor whispers to him. 

He lets out a small sigh as he stands up.*"I'll be right back." Loki speaks up.  He gets up from the table and starts walking to the library.  

“You’re looking for Y/N, prince Loki?” A woman asked him. 

Loki looks over at the woman who had just spoken to him.  He gives her a small pause before finally responding. "Yeah... I am. Have you seen her?" 

“She went to her chambers just a few minutes ago.” 

“Thank you." Loki whispers to the woman, before leaving the library and making his way towards Y/N's room. Loki arrives at Y/N’s room, gently knocks on the door and wait for it to open. 

“It’s open.” She says from inside the room. 

Loki slowly opens the door and steps inside her room.  "Hi..." He whispers with a small smile. 

“Hi...” Y/N smiles back. 

"You're fine, right?" Loki asks quietly. The question was simple, but he was still making sure that everything was okay. 

The girls chuckles “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

"You... You didn't come to breakfast..." Loki replies quietly.  

“Oh, right.” she chuckles again “I was tired of your brother and Sif teasing. You did a nice work on my neck last night, everyone is talking...Did you think we went too far on our plan?” she looks at him “Everyone is talking how we supposedly spent the night together.” 

Loki lets out a breath "Well... I...No, I guess not..." 

“Okay” Y/N smiles and walks to him “Want to lay down with me and rest?” 

He smiles as he allows her to lead him to her bed. He feels her next to him, and his nerves start to build up a little bit again, like they'd started to last night when he laid down next to her.  

She starts playing with his hair like she always do and notices his body more tense “What’s on your mind?” 

"Just..." Loki chuckles lightly, feeling her fingers running through his hair as that feeling of nervousness builds up in his stomach “I guess I keep thinking about last night..." 

“Why?” She asks genuinely. 

"I guess I just can't stop thinking about the way you reacted when I... You know.  Kissed your neck..." Loki whispers quietly. The feeling of butterflies in his stomach was growing stronger now.   

“Sorry, my neck it’s my weakness…” The girls chuckles. 

"I noticed." Loki chuckled as he took out another breath. 

“Why did you kissed me?” 

"I... I..." *Loki stops, trying to think of an answer that doesn't admit just how much he wanted to do that to her last night "I don't really know..." 

“That’s okay.” Y/N’s fingers keeps playing with his hair. “I guess that was my fault. I was the one who suggested about the hickeys…if escalated, it’s my fault.” 

"It's not your fault..." Loki whispers. "I wanted to kiss your neck... I wanted to kiss all over your neck and everywhere else..." He sighs."I wanted to do whatever it took to drive you crazy last night..." 

The way that she looks at him changed “Do you…still want to?” 

Loki's face goes still for a moment as she asks him that. He is taken back by her words and by the look in her eyes.  He could feel those feelings... Growing. With his brain going on auto-pilot, but his body reacting on impulse... Loki's mouth moves forward and presses against hers. Y/N kissed him back passionately, and Loki took the oportunity to go on top of her. 

His kisses continue to grow in both intensity and desperation.  He kisses her harder and harder.  His hands squeezing her closer.  Their bodies pressed together.  

Y/N starts taking off his shirt in autopilot, while Loki’s hands also move to take off her dress, while their kiss intensify. There were a mess of hands and soon they were without their clothes, naked as their bodies pressed against each other. 

Loki keeps kissing her while his hands run all over her body.  Every touch and movement seem to trigger something new in his body… Making any other thought besides her fade away.  His arms wrap around her, and he holds her closer.  He pressed his hips against her, making her moans so softly, he almost missed. But hearing that sound fuel his desire, and he continues to press his hips against hers.  His hands move from holding her hips and begin exploring her body more thoroughly... Finding their way to her core.  Y/N moans into the kiss, as soon as he starts teasing her clit. 

Loki takes a breath as he stares back into her eyes for a moment, still teasing her.  The look in her eyes, combined with the moans and the sound of her breathing, makes his hands move faster... More urgently.  He can't stop himself... He is lost in his desire... As his hands work their magic, she moans louder... Their breathing becomes heavier and shorter until he finally pushes one finger into her and his lips move to her neck. 

“Loki...” Y/N moans his name, and he took the opportunity to push a second finger. 

Loki moves to her ear now, whispering into it. “You like this, don't you?” 

“Yes...” 

He whispers into her ear again “I'm gonna make you like it even more.” 

Loki's fingers now start to move a bit faster, more urgently. Her moans grow even more intense, her body beginning to tremble from the pleasure. A few more seconds, and she couldn’t hold back anymore when she came in his fingers. 

Y/N looks at him panting “I want you...now.” 

Loki aligned with her entrance and slowly he pushed inside of her, making they moan at the sensation. He started with a slow pace, but as the desires grow, his pace was getting faster and rougher.   

“I’m...close...” 

"I know... I know..." Loki whispers.  He feels the tension growing even more than before, the sensation only growing with intensity as she reaches the edge.  He is also reaching the edge now... His movement speeds up, her sounds driving him to this point. After a little more time, Y/N was hit by her orgasm, clenching around Loki’s cock, making he cum with a low growl. He slowly pulls out and lets out a slow breath.  His breaths are shorter and more erratic now.  His mind's too... Foggy... To truly process anything right now. 

Loki looks back at her, still trying to catch his breath.  The smile is still on his face, as he stares at her with a look that could only mean one thing: Satisfaction. 

“Loki?” He could notice she was still trying to calm her breath. 

“Yeah?” 

“This wasn’t a friend thing, was it?” Y/N asks him, laying on her side so she could face him. 

Loki’s smile grows wider as her question hits him.  His eyes continue to stare back at her. “No… It wasn’t a friend thing…” 

"Good.” Y/N chuckles “I think the gossips are right…we do act like a couple sometimes. But maybe it’s because we…like each other more than friends…” 

The prince grins as she says this.  He seems to confirm what she is saying as well.  He chuckles quietly as a response. "I think that's a fair assessment.  We do... Like each other more than friends..." 

“So now what?” 

Loki stays silent for a second as he thinks about what she just said.  He keeps an eye on her as she stares back at him. "So, you want us to be more?" 

“I do.” She was honest “Do you?” 

"Definitely." Loki says without a doubt.  It was already obvious to him.  They'd already basically been acting like a couple for years now.  And after last night... It was obvious what they were to each other. 

Y/N smiles at his answer and he continues to smile back at her.  He doesn't really have words for this moment right now... Because words don't feel needed. 

[nagichi-boop]

Gerald’s Journal - Disability representation

I read scans of Gerald’s Journal and I have to talk about it. Not the lore or anything like that, but the disability rep. I didn’t expect to cry reading this.

Please don’t look at this post if you don’t want to be spoiled about what’s in this journal. If you do want to read it, you can find scans here. Credit to this Twitter/X thread for the images I’ll use.

I don’t have much to say about this image, but it is nice to see Maria using a mobility aid. It’s not often we get representation for an ambulatory wheelchair user.

I do wonder about Maria’s relationship with her parents. They weren’t happy with Gerald’s wish to bring her to the ARK so that he could research a cure for her, but they let her go anyways? Maybe Gerald got some sort of order to get her to go or Maria decided she wanted to go with him, but it seems a little odd to me. I’ll expand on this a little later.

Quote from right page: “[Maria] is growing into a lovely young woman. It breaks my heart that someone as bright and energetic as her is diminished by disease. There are no visible effects, and I’ve caught my fellow researchers muttering to each other, doubting her illness. It is infuriating. I find all my reason and restraint vanished when she’s slighted.”

Oh my days, I’ve never felt so seen by a piece of media and it just so happens to be my special interest video game. I am tearing up again thinking about this. Maybe that’s silly but to have a character express his frustrations about people doubting the invisible disability of his grandchild is so touching. I wish people in my life were more like Gerald. People with invisible illnesses get doubted so much because we “look fine”, but it’s so invalidating to have your struggles questioned just because the symptoms aren’t as visibly obvious.

Quote from left page: “[Maria] doesn’t know the full scope of what [Shadow] has been designed for, but she understands he will be under tremendous strain. She’s helped me conceptualize a number of accessories that will help focus his power and aid in his mobility.”

So we now have confirmation that Shadow’s air shoes and inhibitor rings are akin to mobility aids. I headcanoned this but I didn’t know they’d flat out confirm it like that. My favourite character is canonically disabled physically (and I’d argue mentally given his PTSD). I don’t have much to say about this besides being happy that my favourite character is now even more relatable.

It also makes a lot of sense for Maria to help create them because she has experience with her own disability and can offer a perspective that an able bodied person couldn’t. That and it makes Shadow’s connection so much stronger. His mobility aids were designed by Maria. He didn’t just help her with her disability - she helped with his. He wouldn’t be able to function without what she and Gerald created for him.

Quote from the right: “Back on Earth [Maria’s?] parents have been blessed with another little girl. They’re already run tech(?) and she has none of the genetic markers like to [Maria’s] condition. While this was welcomed news, the unspoken commentary was received loud and clear.”

(I am assuming they’re talking about Maria’s sister, but I guess they could also be talking about her cousin.)

So did Maria’s parents see their new daughter as a replacement? If I’m reading that correctly, it’s so sad. Do you think Gerald told Maria about her sister/cousin? If she did know about it, I bet she was excited to meet her. But I get the feeling that her parents back home didn’t really care about her anymore given what Gerald says in his journal. It hurts that much more when you consider how much Maria wanted to go home, perhaps even return to her family.

I feel like all of this makes Maria’s death more tragic for both Gerald and Shadow. For Gerald, he did so much reason and sacrificed so much in order to try and find a cure for Maria. He supported her when no one else did. And from his perspective, despite her illness and the judgement of others, including potentially her own family, she was still positive. And yet she was killed, and he only found out about her death because of a report that had her name on it (I think anyways?).

From Shadow’s perspective, she is the person who gave his name meaning. Despite most being distant and weary of her, she was immediately friendly to him and helped teach him about the world. She helped created the devices used to reduce his pain and control his powers. He quite literally carries part of him with her. She was his sole reason for existing for a long time. And despite being this super supportive, kind, loving person, she was killed. I can imagine him being mad at Gerald for messing with his memories, but I figure there’s a degree of understanding, even if he doesn’t fully agree with what Gerald did. The difference between them both is Shadow’s purpose shifted beyond Maria while Gerald’s did not. Anyways, I digress - this post is about disability rep, not Shadow lore.

I love this and Dark Beginnings for their direct and indirect disability rep. My love for Shadow and Maria has only grown and I have a deeper appreciation for Gerald. I wish more people were as understanding as he is towards people with invisible disabilities.

I don’t really have a conclusion. I just really wanted to yap about the journal entries.

[nr1chaedickrider]

but my best enemy is you

pt.1!!!, angst, smut, violence, it's a mess

“you're the sweetest” she says, smiling at your flushed face. her thumb softly caresses your cheek.

you lean into her touch, her soft hand on your skin was a feeling which you love more than anything.

“i love you” you whisper against her lips, kissing her slowly and passionately.

“i love you too” her voice is full of love as well as the look on her face, her smile not fading from her lips.

oh, how you wished it would stay on her lips forever.

“you're fucking unbelievable”

“i'm unbelievable? are you seriously trying to blame me?”

“call it blaming, i call it being honest and seeing the truth”

you can't read momo's expression, you can't tell what she's feeling, if she's sad, mad, or just disappointed.

your hand shakes a little, as if you're scared.

you are actually scared.

“i can't”

“we're done”

is she too?

“so just like that? that was it?”

“you're not going to fight for us?”

“you're the better fighter between us, use it in the ring - not in our relationship,”

“or whatever it was.”

“you're an asshole”

“okay”

-

momo swirls the ice in her drink with the straw, watching the fight that's happening.

two men who she never saw before are fighting against each other, it doesn't quite peak her interest.

she thinks it's uninteresting watching them fight - or others in general. they don't have any tension in their fights.

they simply fight to win the money, not because they have a certain history with the person standing in front of them.

basically meaning, momo doesn't care if it's strangers, she only cares when she and you fight against each other.

she knows about the rumors, she knows that more people come into the bar just to watch the two of them.

but she also believes that you don't need to know both of those things, acting cold and like she has no idea about it instead.

the fight ends and everyone but her cheers for the fighters, she turns to the bartender and orders a shot of vodka.

“momo, right?” a red haired girl asks as she sits down next to her.

momo looks at her, nods and then downs the shot quickly.

“who's asking?” she knows.

“jihyo - i'm y/n's trainer” she replies, looking at the ring.

“what are you doing here?” momo asks her, also looking at the ring.

“the same as you, watching fights”

“y/n is actually up next” her eyes widen in shock, not expecting to hear that you're fighting someone else instead of her.

before momo can ask jihyo other questions - the crowd starts to yell and cheer as you enter the ring on the left side.

jeongyeon enters the ring on the right side, receiving a lot of support from the spectators.

momo has heard of jeongyeon before, even fought against her when she first started fighting.

she asks herself who will win.

you're a strong fighter - and the fact that you're not fighting against her makes momo think that you could easily win, since there is no history, nothing that could hold you back from hitting her with all the strength you have in your body.

the referee (again, who's actually just a random guy) blows in his whistle, signaling that the fight is starting.

you block your face with your hands as jeongyeon tries to hit you, moving to the side and hitting her stomach.

jeongyeon looks at you full of anger, as if you'd done something so terrible.

she walks over to you - almost even runs - and hits your throat.

an illegal move.

you gasp for air, falling against the border of the ring, looking up to her being right in front of you.

the referee is too slow, he doesn't stop jeongyeon and she hits another hit in your face.

then your stomach, your side, your chest - literally everything she could hit before getting dragged away by the referee.

you fall down on the floor, blood coming from your nose and mouth.

momo stares at the ring in shock, not being able to move.

what just happened?

jihyo next to her calls an ambulance, rushing to you to check if you're (somehow) alright.

momo slowly stands up and walks closer, a sigh of relief (which she hopes wasn't too loud) leaves her mouth when she sees you sitting up again, holding your head and talking to jihyo (or rather, jihyo talks to you and you try not to pass out).

the medics arrive quickly, a woman with blonde hair gets into the ring and kneels in front of you so she can look at what happened.

jihyo leaves you alone, the crowd slowly relaxes and decides on doing other things than staring at you and your wounds.

everyone but momo.

her eyes are fixed on you, and her.

she can't explain why, but seeing you and her - it makes her stomach drop, gives her this uncomfortable feeling.

“you're pretty” she hears you say to her, to which the girl replies to with a giggle.

she introduces herself as sana to you (a pretty name in momo's opinion, but that doesn't change anything).

momo thinks that she's pretty and nice, she isn't a bad woman.

but she can't help herself to feel jealous.

she has no right to be jealous, but she still feels it. it doesn't matter if she wants to feel that way or not - she is jealous.

-

it has been exactly one week.

one week since you fought against jeongyeon, which led to multiple serious injuries.

one week since you were laughing and giggling like idiots with that medic sana.

momo hasn't been able to stop thinking about it.

she sits down next to you at the bar without greeting you.

you look at the bartender and ask him for a shot of tequila which he places in front of momo before leaving you two alone.

“your favorite” you say, not looking at her. she interrupts you though.

“how are you doing? you looked rough last week” she asks, drinking the tequila quickly after finishing her sentence.

“why do you care?” you ask back, to which momo doesn't reply (or rather - she isn't able to reply).

“what’s up with sana and you?” she says, turning the bar stool so she can fully look at you.

you laugh a little, finishing your beer, “you know, you ask a lot of questions”

she waits for you to answer her question instead of saying something else.

you sigh, realizing she's as stubborn as you often are.

“nothing much. i dont get why you would care, but we're just talking. that's all” you answer.

you turn to her, looking in her eyes, but you quickly look away.

her eyes make you nervous, even after all this time - you still get nervous talking to her.

“if you excuse me, i have to go, was nice talking to you” you say, placing some money on the table as you walk out of the door of the bar.

maybe she's stupid - but she doesn't care.

she walks out of the bar quickly, walking after you.

she sees you walking away, so she runs after you.

her hand grips your wrist and stops you from walking.

you look at her, your mouth opens to say something, but she interrupts you, again.

but this time, she kisses you.

momo pins you to the stone wall behind you, her hands grip the collar of your cropped leather jacket as her lips are on yours.

you're shocked, but you kiss her back anyway.

oh, how much you missed this.

she leaves your lips after a while, salvia connecting you two.

“i don't know why i care,” she starts speaking, her eyes focused on yours.

“but what i know is that i was jealous,”

“seeing you and sana act like we used to,”

“it made me mad, it upset me,”

“she doesn't know you like i do -”

momo isn't a bold person often, but something about today is different.

“she wouldn't be able to fuck you like i do” she whispers against your lips, her hands gripping your waist.

you look at her in silence, her statement sounding not real, like you're in a dream.

you realize that this isn't a dream though.

this time you pull momo closer, kissing her.

“let's go to my place” you mumble in between kisses.

-

everything happens so fast that neither momo nor you can really comprehend what exactly happens.

it's messy and needy (something you always liked).

you sit on top of momo as you’re both making out.

you lean back just a little so your lips part, taking off your shirt.

momo can't help but stare.

it's nothing crazy in your opinion, a simple calvin klein bra.

momo thinks it's so much more than that though.

you're back to kissing her as you slowly kiss down momos neck, biting and sucking, leaving hickeys all over.

you were never this eager for something, ever.

“ah fuck-... i don't know if this is the smartest thing” she whimpers, hands gripping your naked waist, fingers curling into your skin as they slightly scratch you.

the burn you feel is delicious.

“you know i always thought you are a smart girl,” you breathe out against her neck, admiring your work before going for the other side.

“but this is your time to be stupid for once” you whisper, momo bites her lip at your statement.

she pushes you away so she's able to take off her shirt. you get off her lap so you can take her jeans off, being so eager that you're almost ripping them off (if you’d listen closely you would probably be able to hear it).

“come here” she orders, pulling you closer after kicking her pants off her feet.

you're back to kissing her again, opening your mouth so her tongue can explore it.

you can't help but let out a moan when she presses her knee up to your core, grinding onto it.

you push her back down onto the mattress, leaning down so you can place kisses all over her body.

momo watches you, her breath hitches when you press a kiss on her clit over the underwear.

“that sensitive?” you tease her as you lock eyes, momo bites her lip again.

“haven’t done it in a long time” she replies.

you pull off her underwear, it slightly sticks to her because of the slick, making you laugh at her.

“yeah i bet. it doesn't feel as good when you're doing it without me” you comment.

you don't waste your time and shove two of your fingers inside her wet cunt, fucking her in a fast rythmn.

“we should do something like this more often” you smirk, kissing her naked skin.

she simply just nods, moaning and whimpering at the feeling of your fingers inside of her after so long.

you don't wait long, putting another finger in.

momo moans at the stretch, gripping the bed sheets. her bottom lip starts to bleed a little at the pressure she's applying.

“you sound so pretty for me baby” you praise her, pulling your fingers out just to thrust them into her again.

you move your head right next to hers, whispering into her ear.

“such a desperate slut for me, god.. look at you momo” the way you say her name makes momo even needier, clenching around your fingers.

“please” she begs, if you would ask her what she's begging for, she wouldn't be able to answer. her mind is clouded and full of you and nothing else.

“can you take another one, good girl?” you ask, she looks at you, breathing heavily.

“too much-” she moans.

you know how to get what you want with her.

“please baby”

“you're my good girl aren't you? i know you can take it. please, for me” she looks into your eyes, they’re full of lust, full of the desire to ruin momo.

she nods, biting her lip again. if you look closely into her eyes you can even see how glassy they are.

“that's my good girl”

you slowly insert a fourth finger, giving her time to adjust.

momo throws her head back, breath hitching at the feeling.

“you're so tight baby” you tease, slowly starting to move your fingers.

“feel so full mommy-” she whimpers, the name makes you just increasingly eager to make her finish.

you start to thrust into her, making her moan louder and louder.

“i'm so close-” she moans.

“please- let me cum.. god please y/n-” the way she's asking you for permission, how could you say no to that?

“cum for me pretty girl” you keep moving your fingers and it doesn't take long for momo to cum all over you with a loud moan, her breath shaky as well as her legs, breathing heavily as she somehow tries to calm down.

but you don't take your fingers out, looking at her ruined state.

“please” you start begging, and momo knows what you're begging for.

she also knows that she will say yes.

she'll let you overstimulate her till she's crying and sore.

it feels too good to stop.

[oneofstarkskids]

memories

dick grayson x reader

genre: fluff

summary: when dick gets hurt, he knows exactly who to go to. the only person he ever really feels safe with.

requested by @daughterofposeidonsblog

the gotham city street noise was like a background ambience as you read your mystery novel.

it was getting far too late to be awake, but the turn of events had your nerves all bundled.

the suspense was killing you and you were so engrossed that you hadn't noticed the man in your window until it was too late.

the glass squeaked as he slid it shut, causing you to flinch and snap your head in his direction.

"oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack," you said before sighing shakily.

you heard him laugh softly, though it sounded more like a grunt.

that wasn't good.

the dim light from the lamp wasn't nearly enough for you to see what kind of shape he was in. you almost wished you hadn't.

you stood up to turn on the overhead light and finally took in the full extent of his injuries.

cuts. scrapes. bruises. stab wounds. you name it. and by the sound of his breathing he must've had a couple broken ribs to top it all off.

"what happened," you asked, making your way towards him and trying not to show your panic. you knew that if you did, he would just brush it off and act like he was fine.

"it's been a pretty bad night," he joked with a laugh that couldn't hide the glossiness of his eyes.

you furrowed your brows and tried to move quickly.

he threw an arm around you and limped towards the couch you'd just been snuggled up on.

you carefully tried to lay him down, "don't move."

dick watched as you left the room and came back moments later holding the necessities. a first aid kit, alcohol wipes, gauze, and stitches just in case.

he trusted you. you'd done this enough times by now.

you pulled your hair back before squatting down by his side. "i need you to take your shirt off," you said plainly.

dick grinned, "thought you'd never ask."

you shook your head. how could someone be so cocky in this state.

he lifted his torso a bit as you helped him get out of the tight spandex. his chest was covered in a sheen of sweat and though he was littered in bruises, you couldn't help but stare.

"like what you see, darling?" dick asked with a smirk.

you cleared your throat before getting to work on some of his surface level cuts. you hated the way he hissed and winced every time the cold alcohol came in contact with his skin.

and then of course there was a nasty stab wound in his leg that needed immediate attending to.

he shook his head.

"dick grayson! I am not letting you bleed out on my couch!" you told him.

he couldn't argue with you if he tried, so he squeezed his eyes shut. there was no way he could watch.

you reached for his leg and felt his hand grip your shoulder for support. the little affectionate action made you smile a bit before you stitched him up.

finally, you wrapped some bandage around his leg to hold it all together.

as you began cleaning up, his head fell back against the couch. chest heaving. he was staring up at the ceiling with more than exhaustion.

behind all the jokes and the flirting, there was something deeper. something he wasn't telling you.

you reached for his hand, "are you okay? you know you can talk to me, right?"

those beautiful blue eyes met yours. there was a sort of sadness in them. a bit of fear.

"tonight had me thinking. in my line of work...a lot of people die," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

you stood up before sitting next to him, careful not to hurt him. you turned his face towards yours to look into his eyes, "you're not going to die."

dick's face scrunched with agony, "not me. you. what if you get hurt. or worse..."

you shook your head, "i'm not going anywhere either."

dick nodded half-heartedly, "i guess I'm just saying...please don't ever become a stranger who's laugh i could recognize anywhere."

you gently lean your forehead against his, "not a chance."

he closes the distance between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours and pulling you even closer with a hand behind your neck.

and you held onto him too, like holding onto the memories.