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clrasecretdiary · 3 months ago

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Am I allowed to cry? pt. 1 | Spencer Reid x Reader

In which you're in love with Spence, but never told him.

angst! (but don't worry, part two will be fluff)

warnings: Some light swearing and that's it i think (??)

content: Mutual pining (although spencer's side isn't really shown in this part)

a/n: I've been writing this one for 2 weeks and even deleted it once, but finally got to it and finished this!! Hope you guys like it <3

You had joined the BAU only 2 years after Spencer, and you two quickly became friends and only grew closer with time. Now, 5 years after meeting, you two we’re best friends, joined at the hip. Spencer was the greatest friend you could have, understanding and loving. Maybe that’s why your stupid brain decided to complicate things, at some point you started to see Spencer in a different light.

One day, when you were having the worst cramps ever during a case, Spencer went out of the precinct the team was at, when he came back he had bought you chocolates and heating pads to help with the pain. You felt like you could cry, and after he gave you one of his beautiful smiles, you realized.

Oh fuck… I'm in love with Spencer Reid.

That day, you also swore you would never tell him, there’s no way he felt the same, and you would not ruin the perfect friendship you both had.

What you seemed to forget about was that, at some point, Spencer was going to get a date, a girlfriend or whatever, and you didn’t even stop to think how you would feel when that day arrived.

Well... You don’t need to imagine it anymore, because it finally happened. The day before, Spencer had told you how he finally gathered the courage to ask a girl that he’d been on a few dates to be his girlfriend. Your heart sank when he delivered the news to you, though you did your best to seem enthusiastic for him.

“Really, spence, that’s great. I'm super happy for you!” You told him, before quickly excusing yourself to the bathroom.

You felt so dumb, you knew Spencer was not in love with you, you thought you had accepted that, so why the fuck are you feeling like the floor has been taken off your feet every time you think about him loving someone that isn’t you? God, you might be going crazy.

You knew you wouldn't be able to keep your "omg I'm so happy for you!" facade for long. Your genius solution was to avoid him, only for some time, while you dealt with your feelings.

You decided to talk with the only person that knew about your feelings besides you, Penelope.

You open the door to her office, “Pen, help me. I’m so stupid, my brain is broken or something”

Penelope turns around on her chair, pulling another one for you to sit

“Oh no honey, whatever it is you're not stupid, now, what’s happening?”

“Spence has a date… God, I’m 27 years old, why the fuck do I care about this”

“Ohh you’re in love, baby. Of course, you’re going to feel bad, that’s normal. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

“Maybe… It doesn't matter anyway. I'm going to avoid him for this week, process all this shit and then everything will be back to normal” You force a smile, that was meant to pass a positivity you didn't even really feel, but it just made Penelope feel bad for you.

“Maybe don’t do that. You know Spencer is going to notice, it’s best if you talk to him.” She says, repeating an advice she has lost count how many times she’s given you. Penelope has always been sure Spencer was into you, and always encouraged you to confess. Needless to say, you never heard her advice.

“No, I can't. I would ruin our friendship, he would hate me. And, it would be so unfair of me, I mean… I only confess now that he has a chance with someone?” You take a deep breath, and get up from the chair “Thanks for the chat pen, love you” You say, placing a kiss on her cheek and leaving her office.

You really did appreciate her advice, but there’s no way you would confess to Spencer, not only would it seem petty, but you were deadly afraid to ruin your friendship… not that avoiding him was doing any good, but fuck that you’re not in the mood to be rational right now.

You head to your desk, avoiding eye contact with Spencer and just focusing on your work when Hotch calls the team. You guys have a new case.

“Great” You mumble under your breath, even if being in the office would be hard to avoid Reid, having to be out on a case with him will make it impossible. That doesn't mean you're not going to try. "Im an adult and a professional, this shit should not get in the way of my work." You think to yourself as if it's a mantra to keep you focused.

You enter the room, taking a seat between Emily and Rossi, as Hotch and Penelope brief the team you can see in your peripheral vision how Spencer's gaze shift to you, making avoiding it somehow more difficult. You're used to giving him small smiles, being beside him and always being in contact with each other somehow, he even would be fine with letting you hug him beside his germophobia, so you're sure he already noticed how distant you were being.

"Alright, wheels up in 30, We'll get more details on the jet"

—

On the jet, hotch distributes the tasks, as always, he paired you up with Reid to do the geoprofiling.

After a couple of hours, you and the team arrive at the precinct. As the rest of the team goes out to the field, you and Reid stay back doing the reading, and geoprofiling. You only speak to him when it's something regarding the case. Luckily, after a day, you guys finally makes the arrest, and soon you are back on the jet.

As soon as you arrive back to the BAU office, you just pass by Garcia's office to give her a quick goodbye and head to the elevator, ready to go home, and finally process your feelings - or better yet, force yourself to get over Spencer.

If this was under normal circumstances, you and Reid would be standing together in front of the elevator discussing which food you two would order as you watched some weird indie movie. The memory of those times brings a sharp pain to your chest, how could you be so naive? Yes, you told yourself he was not interested, but deep down between all those moments you two shared you hoped one day he would see you as something more than just a friend.

"Hey, is everything alright? You seemed off today" Lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice when Spencer stood beside you, his voice pulling you off your thoughts.

"I'm great spence, just have a headache"

"Are you sure? You know, lying to a profiler has a very small percentage of working"

"I'm sure, don't worry… So, is it today?" You ask, as you two step in the elevator and press the button to the garage level

"Yeah, I'm really nervous."

"That's normal, but it'll be fine, don't worry" The elevator gets to the floor your car is at, you hold the door open and turn to him "hey, be yourself ok? She'll be lucky to have you." You say, before shooting him a small smile and getting out the elevator.

As you walk towards your car, a few tears start streaming down your face, you've known you love him for a long time, and you now realize that you might never know what could have been between you two. Maybe Garcia was right, but now it's too late to say anything.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x bestfriend!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x oc #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid fluff

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prince-liest · 1 year ago

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was recently talking to a friend about qi rong which then lead to me going on a reread of my favorite qi rong fic EVER, and now I’m in my feels about him, his relationship with his family, and his relationship with xie lian and guzi.

I just love qi rong a lot. to be clear, he’s a horrible little gremlin and that is a lot of WHY I love him - but I also think that fundamentally qi rong is a character who is super traumatized but does not receive sympathy for that trauma because he is not traumatized in a “palatable” way which is a trend that starts when he is young and just never ends, canonically, at any point in his life

right from the bat: the first 5 years of his life, he's being physically and emotionally abused, he's cast out to live in a shed, his mom is forgotten by her family. by the time she finally escapes his abusive father and goes back to the palace, her elopement with him has been swept under the rug and most people don't actually know what happened - and are then weirded out by her and qi rong, causing all the children and even most adults around qi rong to basically refuse to interact with him. so he's abused and hated, then isolated to the point where nobody talks to him, nobody plays with him. the one time he thinks he succeeded at attempting to make some friends, it turns out that they tricked him into writing a death wish for himself and his mother on his lantern.

and all the while, he's watching xie lian and the adulation he receives, not understanding why xie lian gets those things and he does not. everyone always says he looks like xie lian. he’s even called xiao jing, like he’s a mirror of the crown prince. what’s the difference?

and then xie lian himself is the only person aside from his own mother to be genuinely kind to qi rong. qi rong is desperately lonely, envious and fixated on the cousin that nobody will stop comparing him to, and then said cousin is the only person to reach out to him with kindness. of course he wants to attach himself to xie lian and emulate him.

unfortunately for both of them, then his mother dies - not just randomly, but specifically in defense of xie lian’s mother, and having extracted a promise for xie lian’s parents to care for qi rong. however, things don’t actually change at that point. sure, they take him in and buy him whatever he wants, but as far as love and care are concerned, xie lian is really the only potential source of those things left for qi rong. xie lian is also a teenager with a lot of pressure on his shoulders and a lack of understanding of difficult situations. of course he doesn’t know how to raise his traumatized, misbehaving cousin! and nobody else bothers to. it’s deeply unfair for xie lian to be used as the singular tool to discipline and direct qi rong, and that directly contributes to their extremely soured relationship.

now that qi rong’s mother is dead, there is nobody left around that actually wants him or is willing to put effort into properly raising him. when a kid turns out as wild as qi rong - that's not just random happenstance, that happens because they weren't parented right (or at all). he acts out in increasingly insane ways for the attention everyone hates to give him - anyone's, but especially xie lian's, which sucks for xie lian because it should have been his parents providing qi rong with an authority figure and source of love, not xie lian's teenage self. and people respond by waving him off, giving him whatever he wants just to make him go away, and ignoring him, because he has a deeply off-putting personality.

and it causes everyone around qi rong to resent him in this vicious cycle that escalates his behavior because he doesn't know what else to do - until eventually even xie lian, the one person that he really looked up to, hates him too.

obviously qi rong is an awful person by the point we reach in canon, but I also think that if he had received regular hugs as a child and maybe some actual parenting from someone who didn’t beat him, instead of just being given a bunch of money and being told to fuck off

specifically because he was weird and traumatized and unlikeable

things would have turned out very different for him. because he very clearly tries - that’s one thing that’s very clear in the flashbacks and even continues to modern canon: qi rong really tries to get love and attention, and when that doesn’t work, he just escalates to “any attention, bad attention, attention that proves I’m worth something, proves wrong all the people saying the supposedly-amazing cousin that took away my only source of kindness when he started hating me, is so much better than me”. he starts out an awkward, off-putting kid and ends up the night-touring green lantern. of course he holds enough resentment to end up a calamity. his cannibalism shtick doesn’t even read as genuine to me, it just seems like he picked out “what’s the worst, most attention-grabbing thing I can possibly be to pre-emptively justify everyone’s disgust in me” and landed on that.

(see also: I think it’s hysterical that he has very strong opinions and abilities as pertains to gourmet cooking, and then just uses them to lure in victims so that he can have his meal of Raw Unseasoned Human Flesh. you can’t tell me he’s doing it for anything other than the bit at this point.)

and that’s also why I think his weirdly wholesome relationship with guzi also makes a lot of sense. qi rong is a shockingly decent father to him (eventually), probably in part because he overidentifies with guzi also being abused by his father, but also, because guzi is literally just a kid and therefore is not someone that yet has the capacity to have all these preconceptions about qi rong, nor for qi rong to read into his words and be insulted, because. that's just a kid. there’s nothing to read into.

I think his treatment of guzi (eventually) shows that he's capable of being at least kind of decent (or at least functional), he's just never been in a circumstance where his trauma and relationships let it happen. his material life was always supplied for, but his emotional and familial environment in xianle was invariably toxic for him.

anyway, I think qi rong needs a shower and a hug, in that order, and then to be forced to learn to interact with people who don't immediately assume the worst of him. thanks for coming to my TED talk, I know it was long as hell.

#tgcf #heaven official's blessing #qi rong #xie lian #guzi #tgcf meta #meta #my writing #long post #text posts #tgcf spoilers #just as they pertain to qi rong not the main plot

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hueseok · 3 months ago

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( 01. ) GOOD GRACES.

kim seokjin doesn’t believe in luck. he’s someone who knows that in order to have good things coming your way, you have to work damn hard for it. however, that might not be the case when it comes to bad luck, because after a video of him goes viral wherein it looks like he’s screaming at someone’s grandma, he begins thinking maybe luck does exist—and it just so happens that he’s now being subjected to a lot of unluckiness.

he’s being cancelled. his career is getting destroyed. his manager is forcing him to take a hiatus. and on top of that, as if things could not get worse, the only hope he has on redeeming everything he worked hard on depends on you, the director’s daughter of the theater show that could propel him back to where he used to be.

that should have been a piece of cake. if only you weren’t his ex who he dumped via phone call and got threatened by to never show his face to ever again...

pairing: seokjin x reader

word count: 4.2k

rating: NC-17

content: fluff, light angst, humor, exes to enemies to friends to lovers au | ft. theater actor!seokjin + himbo energy!seokjin lmao, podcaster!reader + nepo baby!reader

warning/s: lots of swearing | lots of internal monologue by seokjin? lmao

[ chapter index. ]

EPISODE 01. there are worse things i could do !

seokjin never thought that the downfall of his career would happen because of a misconstrued video of him going viral where he was apparently yelling at a poor old lady in a grocery store.

but here he is, getting canceled on twitter and being informed by his manager that he was taken off the projects he was scheduled to do for the upcoming year, the brands who were once so keen on getting him on board suddenly backtracking and terminating the previously signed deals that were already discussed.

regardless of how he tried convincing yikyung, the said manager, that he wasn’t actually fighting the woman who was probably the same age as his grandmother on that short clip—and that all of this was just a stupid a misunderstanding, he’s told it’s too late. the public already made up their mind; they all hated him, and there were several gossip blogs publishing articles that had ‘receipts’ of his apparent bad and diva behavior over the span of his career.

“look, namjoon and I are working on it,” yikyung says, explaining that the PR and legal team are already in the midst of taking care of the whole problem. “but for the meantime, the best you can do is lay low for a while, buddy.”

“what?” seokjin exclaims. “are you saying—”

“you’ll be going on a hiatus.”

“hiatus,” he repeats, enunciating every syllable like he heard it wrong. he feels like he’s going to vomit, the whole room he’s in right now spinning before his eyes.

“yes. hiatus.”

god, seokjin hates that word. he’s been working his ass off since he knew how to act and sing and was the absolute fucking best at it. and now they’re putting him on a hiatus? it’s ridiculous. it’s unfair! he isn’t in some kind of boyband or anything, but he’s pretty sure that they use that term to sugarcoat the fact that the members are quitting the industry or going solo which doesn’t make sense for him so the former category is probably more applicable to his situation at the moment and—

“it’s temporary,” yikyung continues speaking, as if reading what’s going in his mind. “at most, it’ll be a year.”

that still doesn’t calm seokjin down. “you’re benching me for a year?”

“at most.”

“does it really have to be that long?”

“yeah, if we see that it’s necessary enough.”

“i don’t think a year is necessary.”

“we don’t know that yet.”

“but if you keep me away from the public that long… it's going to kill my career!”

yikyung gives him a pitiful look. “it's already dead, jin. let’s be real here.”

he gasps, genuinely offended that his manager would say such a thing. “take that back.”

“look, i’m not happy with this either,” yikyung says, “but the public needs to forget that video. It’s what everybody is talking about, it’s what every director or sponsor that’s asking us about too—nobody would want to associate themselves with your name anyway while the story’s fresh, so this hiatus won’t kill it. doing this hiatus will just induce your career into a coma. you’ll be like sleeping beauty.”

“then who’ll be the fucking prince?”

“a mindblowing project that’ll remind people that you’re the best leading man in the theater world.”

seokjin lets that sink in.

just days ago, he was being blasted with offers to do commercials and new productions due to the successful run of chicago where he portrayed billy flynn. A lot of columns praised his versatility, saying that despite reservations on how he was going to perform, he nailed the part and captured the audience’s hearts with how he made that character his own. it was the biggest ego boost he had in a while considering he was so passionate in bringing billy flynn to life and pulling off the long note he had in we both reached for the gun—now though? all the happiness that he felt before? all the acclaim he reckoned could last him a good few months to stay motivated in doing this? it’s being buried to the ground; he feels as if everything is crashing down and every good thing in his life is fading away.

guess it’s true that being too happy can cause too much sadness after.

“a year goes by so fast, you know,” yikyung tells him. “keep yourself busy. pursue other hobbies. the next time i’ll call you, i’ll make sure it’s about an offer that’ll jolt your career awake again.”

and so with no other choice, really… that’s what seokjin did.

he decides to follow yikyung’s advice and take a train back to his hometown with the plan to help his aunt run the small grocery business she had, residing there until circumstances appear better for him. he figures this break might be better than he thinks, taking into account the fact that he’s been working nonstop since he began landing solid roles years ago. maybe a restart is what he needs; maybe he can use this as an excuse to do other stuff and pursue other hobbies like he was suggested to do.

in the first month of his forced hiatus, he becomes some kind of apprentice at his aunt’s mentioned grocery store. he meets taehyung, a young man who looks way too handsome to be only arranging packed and canned goods in the aisles of the shop as another helper of his aunt; taehyung also apparently recognizes him, asking if he’s that “theater star harassing an old lady” he kept on seeing on tiktok which seokjin’s always quick to correct. taehyung never looks convinced though, regardless of how much seokjin explains, but he at least doesn’t treat him shit for some groundless scandal.

then in his second month, he begins to try pottery. there are classes for it in the same town, a 10-minute drive away and the instructor happens to be a family friend. however, after five sessions, he realizes that he’s horrible at the task and can’t produce anything that’s worth selling or admiring even. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t enjoy it though, ‘cause he does, and he still attends each class or goes on his own for the following months to use this activity as catharsis.

for the third month, he starts painting; on the fourth, he volunteers to walk the golden retriever that an elderly couple neighbor has; when the fifth month comes, he begins jogging around the area, continuing that until the sixth and seventh as he progresses to running—and then on the eight month, while he’s tending to the crops he’s growing at his aunt’s backyard, he finally gets the call from yikyung that he always pretends not to care about.

hurriedly taking off his gloves that are covered with mud, he picks up his phone from the table and answers his agent’s call. “please tell me you have something,” is what he says, not even concealing the desperation in his voice.

“i have something,” yikyung confirms, sounding excited.

“holy fuck,” he whispers to himself. he’s pacing around now, thrilled and anxious, praying to the gods of every religion that this will be a good offer. “what is it? tell me quickly.”

“they’re doing grease,” he says and seokjin does an impromptu super mario impression, just jumping all over the place because of the mention of the famous musical, the kind of musical that he knows would definitely benefit him if he wants to be within everybody’s radar again. “they already have a sandy young—it’s the producer’s niece—so now all they’re looking for is the rest of the cast. I already got you an audition for danny zuko and it’s two weeks from now.”

“god, i fucking love you, yikyung.”

“i’m amazing, aren’t I?”

“the best. you’re a goddamn gift from above.”

“and it hasn’t even been a year,” yikyung proudly points out. “you’ll be absolutely back on your feet after this project. your scandal has died down, anyway. not a lot are talking about it, and some of your fans are getting better at defending you, sharing encounter stories of their own to support the claim that you aren’t a dick who has a fetish in getting into a bickering war with an old woman.”

seokjin rolls his eyes. “never describe it that way to me again.”

yikyung chuckles. “i’ll hire a cleaning lady to clean your apartment here in the city maybe this weekend. when do you think you’ll arrive?”

“some time after the weekend. i’ll have to take care of a few things before i go.”

“like what?”

“well, believe it or not, i actually made some friends here.”

“damn. i told you this hiatus was going to be good for you.”

“yeah, you are right about that. i think it was healing for some reason. aside from the first weeks of me being depressed as fuck.”

“so, what does that mean? does this mean that you think you’ll nail the audition?”

seokjin grins. he isn’t cocky for nothing. even though it was advised to him before to lower it down a bit so that he wouldn’t come across as a complete ass, he knows he’s great at this pursuit of his. he’s charming, he has an amazing voice, and he can pull off any choreography instructed to him regardless of his initial lack of dancing abilities. being a hard worker makes you that way, and it’s what seokjin thinks will always help him in every endeavor he runs after.

“you bet, i will.”

“how’s your voice? your joints? do you need to warm up?”

“i’ve been singing for the community here every tuesday and thursday. i also haven’t been physically inactive like you think i am. i’ve been exercising regularly, improving my stamina and all that shit.”

yikyung doesn’t answer for a few seconds, a silence that seokjin translates into his manager being impressed that he hasn’t let go of himself despite the circumstances.

after a few more clarifications and reminders, the call ends and seokjin flops down on the wooden chair close to him, this goofy and giddy smile erupting on his face. it doesn’t occur to him until this moment that he’s been wishing for a miracle like this to come along because he’s been missing performing on stage like he used to do during shows and even when he’s in dance studios for the rehearsals. yeah, having a reason to take a break was nice too as he expressed, but nothing beats doing what he loves to do.

and playing danny zuko? wow, talk about a huge upgrade from being mandated by his management to disappear from the public to potentially being cast as one of john travolta’s famous roles. of course, the challenge with this is that he has to make sure that he actually gets the role, which he’s optimistic that he’ll be fine with.

his reputation may be questionable once he comes back, but there’s no denying that if there’s anyone who can emanate an arrogant greaser who cares too much about his image—it’s him.

****

seokjin’s aunt was devastated when she discovered that he’s leaving. she tried to persuade him to stay longer (if not for her, for the plants and the grocery store—and maybe the crowd of people he would sing for whenever there was an occasion in the neighborhood). however, regardless of her insistence, seokjin cannot be budged; he’s been waiting far too long for this to have second thoughts about it, to be swayed from this provincial life he has come to love and genuinely enjoy.

“are you coming back?” taehyung asked him when the news of seokjin’s immediate departure got to him too. “because if you aren’t, can I have your bike?”

seokjin rolled his eyes. over the course of his stay, taehyung has become some sort of little brother he never had. “i’m coming back. just to visit though,” he said. “so you can have my bike.”

on the weekend before he left, he spent time with the people he befriended. he arranged a bingo session with the elderly; he ran laps with that golden retriever he took on walks every morning; he did his last piece of pottery with the instructor he also became friends with; then, on his very last night, he shared a few drinks with his aunt and taehyung, promising them that if he gets the part, they’ll have front row tickets to the show.

if not, he’ll jump off the bridge because he doesn’t think he has a face to show to anyone anymore.

he earned a slap on the arm by his aunt with that one.

everything went smoothly when he came back to his old apartment the following morning, freshly cleaned like yikyung promised. nonetheless, seokjin felt it was necessary to check every nook and cranny of the place to verify that, even going as far as examining the decorations, memorabilia, and picture frames he had on display, his finger being swiped on the most random areas to make sure that every corner was polished. nobody lived here for eight months in his defense, and he really could catch a bad case of allergic rhinitis in the case yikyung was lying. he couldn’t have that. he had his voice to take care of; there shouldn’t be snot or phlegm getting in the way of the full prowess of his vocals.

for the next few days leading up to the audition, he did everything he can to assure that he’ll be in his best state when his time to shine comes. he practiced the song sandy, a solo piece sung by danny zuko, and rehearsed the lines for the scene where danny and sandy first meet again at rydell high.

in those hours he spent talking to himself, warming up his voice, making sure that he shaped his words right and exuded the energy of the greaser he’s aiming to play, he started thinking again that he seriously got a huge chance in landing this role. he’s superb at acting; he’s certain that he has the voice needed for this part; and not to mention that he’s got the looks for it, alright. his handsomeness is certainly one of the aspects that makes him so marketable as an actor.

plus, he manages to get a positive outlook regarding this because yikyung has been great in encouraging him, sending him inspirational quotes that sometimes were borderline annoying because it had nothing to do with his situation but still touching in a way.

like right now, as seokjin waits in the holding room of the theater for the audition, he receives a message from his manager with a GIF of a maneki-neko with an oversized arm and the quote by dr. seuss saying, “you have brains in your head. you have feet in your shoes. you can steer yourself any direction you choose. you're on your own. and you know what you know. and you are the guy who'll decide where to go”.

it is a little aligned to what he’s going through right now but seokjin can’t help but still grimace in distaste.

“kim seokjin?” the casting assistant calls, and he snaps his head up from the screen of his phone to peer at the person who called him.

he stands, gaining the attention of the casting assistant. “here.”

“great. follow me please.” she smiles and begins walking to where the stage is without checking whether seokjin followed her or not.

he does, as quickly as possible, thankful because he can finally get away from that enclosed space with fellow auditionees who were either gaping at him or chatting him up, asking about the hiatus he did. he’s smart enough not to give any specific details, instead saying the standard “mental health break” or “sabbatical leave” that they seemed to buy.

walking across the stage, his eyes squint a bit at the spotlight directed to him. then, stopping at the center, he averts his gaze to the two people who are sitting on the front row seats. hyunbin park the director and seungjoon ahn the producer. they both appear serious, like they’re bored, or like they’ve been unimpressed by the roster of auditionees they’ve been having so far.

it creates a spark of hope for seokjin who’s confident that he might just be the person that’ll blow their minds for today. even though this is his first time performing in front of a professional again, he’s learned over the years to trust his skills more, and he knows that he’s definitely adept for the tryout happening at the moment.

“kim seokjin, isn’t it?” mr. Park says. he’s the more intimidating one out of the pair. he’s famous for having directed a lot of shows that got to win several trophies in every award giving body that catered to the theater industry. aside from this production being an anticipated project of his, he’s scheduled to direct a movie with a star-studded cast.

seokjin nods. “yes, that’s me.”

“wait a minute, i know you,” says mr. ahn, an index finger pointed towards him. this man doesn’t look that much older than seokjin. give or take about only five years his senior. “i’ve seen you somewhere. where have i seen you?”

seokjin swallows hard. fuck, fuck, fuck. kill me now. bury me in the ground. shit. i hope he doesn’t realize that i'm—

“ah! i remember.” mr. ahn laughs, turning to mr. park. “isn’t he the guy who played corny collins three years ago or something?”

a huge breath of relief escapes seokjin.

mr. park nods unsurely. “yeah, I think so. did you play corny collins, son?” he asks.

“i did.”

their faces significantly brightened.

“well, i’m looking forward to your audition, seokjin,” mr. ahn says. “i watched the media preview of hairspray back then. i was a great friend of jiyong.”

jiyong was the director of the said show.

“you may begin,” mr. park adds, gesturing for him to go ahead before readjusting the glasses he’s wearing. “break a leg.”

seokjin flashes a dazzling smile and begins.

****

yikyung: how was it? yikyung: the audition should be over by now. yikyung: tell me how you did! yikyung: i’ll be like this for the whole day until you reply. yikyung:

seokjin: do you think sending gifs is cool? seokjin: bc it’s not

yikyung: you didn’t answer my question?

seokjin can’t stop grinning. he’s had this grin since he finished the audition and walked out to the lobby, his mind replaying the events that took place during his performance and the reactions of the director and producer after he was done.

even though the two didn’t make their verdict apparent, seokjin had a feeling that he was going to get cast in this show for the reason that as soon as he finished belting the last line of the song sandy, mr. park and mr. ahn shared a look with one another, their eyebrows raising in what comes across like understanding.

now, quick disclaimer, seokjin doesn’t read minds, but he’s pretty sure that that’s a good sign. he’s done his fair share of auditions and seeing an interaction like that from people who are in charge of casting always raises the chances that he’ll end up in the project. it’s a really big tell from what he thinks—and it’s what’s prompting him to almost skip like a little girl while walking to the café nearby where he’s planning to treat himself with the mouthwatering strawberry cream croissant he saw on their display earlier, nothing in his mind other than fantasies of receiving a call as soon as he gets home confirming he got the part.

maybe i should start incorporating black leather jackets into my wardrobe more… it is what danny zuko wears half of the time in the film and since i’ll be danny zuko, it can be some kind of way i’ll be able to internalize the character and be fucking amazing in this…

clearly, doing an inner monologue isn’t advisable when you’re walking along a busy street filled with people who are obviously in a rush to get to where they’re going.

because as he continues marching forward, taking a quick turn to the café he’s aiming to go to, his thoughts everywhere aside from the path he’s strolling on—his arm bumps against someone’s shoulder, ceasing his daydreaming and causing him to glance back, about to utter a quick apology if it wasn’t for the sight that greets him when he does.

he wrinkles his forehead, gazing at you.

there’s no doubt in his mind that it really is you who he’s looking at, but due to the fact that it’s been approximately 9 years since you last saw each other, seokjin asks himself whether this is legit or is his imagination taking a sinister route and letting him imagine how it would be like to meet the person he doesn’t want to see on a perfect day.

“well, shit,” you say, staring at him with the same surprised yet puzzled expression. your features look more mature, your hair is styled in a different way, your choice of clothes is more sophisticated—yet despite the subtle changes, you’re still as attractive as you were when he last got to see you. he might even dare to think that your attractiveness leveled up as well. “i’ll be damned. it’s you.”

seokjin feels his throat closing up, reality sinking in that you’re really here in front of him. “____?”

“i’m flattered that you remember.” you chuckle. “or that you’re not pretending to have amnesia to escape this conversation at least.”

to be fair, if it registered to him a few seconds earlier on who you are, he might have done exactly that.

but of course he doesn’t admit it. his ears just turn red while he utters a lie. “that’d be silly. it’s not like you’d believe me if i said that.”

“touché. but i still reckon you’d do it. you are an actor.” a smirk makes its way to your lips. “how’s that going, by the way? last time i heard, you’re being murdered on twitter and being called a world class asshole.”

he winces slightly. “that’s an exaggeration.”

“i don’t think so. you are on hiatus because of it, aren’t you?”

“not anymore.”

“oh?”

“you seem disappointed,” he retorts. “then again, i wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve been praying for my downfall ever since you-know-what happened.”

“you-know-what? do you mean when you dumped me?” you explicitly say, not even missing a beat after he was done speaking.

yes, you’re an ex-girlfriend. sadly, an ex-girlfriend he knows he didn’t treat well because of what you just reminded him of.

he presses his lips together, gathering all the confidence he has left. “yes. i do mean that. and i am sorry about it. truly.”

“you dumped me over the phone.”

“i’m aware of that too.”

“you didn’t explain why you wanted to break up.”

a pause. “yes, i didn’t.”

“and just because we coincidentally met again after so many years, you finally apologize?”

“that’s about right.”

“it doesn’t sound very sincere to me.”

he widens his eyes, surprised that you’re not letting this go as easily as he thought you would. from what he remembers, you’re the type of person who doesn’t hold grudges; you’re the type of person that everybody would say was genuinely good. in fact, it’s what he was mad about years back when you were still together—how you often let other people take advantage of your kindness, often putting you in a position of being a doormat or an emotional punching bag.

but that’s almost a decade ago. he feels bad that he’s not sure whether to be proud of you or to be a bit frustrated that he’s on the receiving end of this.

“anyways,” you add after the excruciating awkward silence, “as much as i want to give you a piece of my mind, i have to go. i’d say it was nice seeing you and that we should catch up sometime, jin, but that would be a lie.”

seokjin’s supposed to let you go despite his conscience eating him up. he’s not entirely stupid, it’s apparent that it’s better not to reopen healed wounds, and judging from the manner you spoke to him, you don’t want to give him an opening to enter your life again.

but then your phone rings, which you’re holding on one hand while the other holds a paper bag from the coffeeshop. And then, seokjin sees it—sees mr. park’s face on the screen with a caller ID named ‘dad’, that he can’t prevent himself from staying still and allowing you to leave without explaining what he’s witnessing right now.

“wait,” he holds your elbow as you’re trying to walk past him, “your dad isn’t mr. park, is he? i know your dad. He’s not hyunbin park.”

you blink at him, confused at the random question, however a wave of understanding swiftly washes over you. he watches you grin all of the sudden, eyes twinkling in amusement. he’s familiar with that expression, and it’s scaring him to death because he now has a pretty good idea on what your answer is going to be.

“you’re here in the city because of an audition,” you state, tone so sure that it makes him sweat. “don’t tell me… You’re auditioning for grease?”

he doesn’t tell you he’s auditioning for grease.

your grin widens even further, your next sentence inducing a sensation that might be a heart attack.

“then you’ve met dad. he is hyunbin park, the director.”

fuckity fuck fUCK FUCK!

note. AHHH first chapter is out! i hope y’all like this because i’m happy with how this turned out hehe. this drabble series will only have 10 episodes and i’m gonna pray that i get to finish this before the year 2024 ends 😭

gentle reminder: this author loves feedback! let her know your thoughts if you enjoyed reading this fic and you’ll add 100+ points in her writing motivation meter ♡

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saccharineomens · 10 months ago

Text

i've been poking at this too long to care how visually appealing it is anymore. My headcanons for the main characters' sexualities, based on canon information! (has no bearing on ships.) Canon speculation below the cut.

marcille (bi): fascinated by romance and loves romance. we only see her show explicit interest in a male (fictional character (General Halleus from the book series she loves)), but i don't think she's fully straight.

falin (aro? ace? lesbian? genderqueer?): falin's only interest in relationships in canon is 'she considered accepting shuro's proposal because she was afraid nobody else would want her, but felt it'd be unfair to him because she had no feelings for him'. i consider whether she's aroace or a lesbian or maybe bi/pan, and she also seems like she might have some genderqueer feelings, based on some of her discomfort with her body and wearing certain types of femme clothing. (Also the fact that she‘s part male dragon.) Since she ends the story going on a journey for herself, it feels like she'll finally get the chance to figure out what she wants.

laios (pan, demi): he hasn't shown explicit interest in men, but similar to marcille, i don't feel he's fully straight. He’s aesthetically attracted to monsters, at the very least, so gender probably doesn’t factor in for him. romance/sex just don’t seem to be much of a high priority to him in general, but he did think his ex-fiance was cute and didn't seem uncomfortable with the idea of marriage (just seemed unhappy with being trapped in his hometown), so i feel like demisexuality fits him well.

About his succubus: He was very noticeably not stopped in his tracks by it like Chilchuck and Marcille, but that could possibly be because it just….looked exactly like Marcille, not an obvious fantasy. He started blushing and stammering heavily when it turned into a monster, which like….this boy is definitely a furry/monsterfucker, if anything, but that doesn’t speak on his attraction to actual humans.

I think it speaks for something that the succubi are able to literally read minds and craft the perfect fantasy for their specific target. And for Laios, it wasn’t just “his friend Marcille”. It was a version of his friend Marcille that wasn’t grossed out by monsters, didn’t think he was weird for wanting to be one, and was able to turn Laios into one. It was a Marcille who understood him at his deepest level that made him become a blushing, stammering mess to rival Chilchuck. Which is why I think he’s Demi, and needs a strong emotional connection with someone before he finds them attractive.

kabru (pan): his special interest is people, and he's bold enough with his sexuality to kiss rin despite not being in a relationship with her. so being pan/bi feels appropriate.

chilchuck (bi): he has a wife, and they were childhood friends, so he's definitely allo. but his comments and behavior towards senshi makes me suspect he might be bi, and just never considered the possibility due to being in a committed relationship.

senshi (gay, ace): this is 90% off of vibes. he keeps to himself in the dungeon and doesn't seem to have any need for social company, he's a complete hermit. Being ace makes sense to me, but so would him just having a low social drive. His succubus was 'a woman he hadn't seen since he was a child', but his journal implies it wasn't a romantic/sexual attraction.

namari (bi/lesbian): she is at the very least attracted to women, given her behavior with kiki, but she does make a point to say that kaka is also attractive to her, and her friends at the bar tease her about Kaka being her “new” boyfriend (implying previous boyfriends).

shuro: the token straight (in love with falin, asked her to marry him). i love you shuro <3 (but i can also see him being into men. there's no evidence to the contrary)

izutsumi: aroace. literally no question. her succubus is her mother.

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ghcstao3 · 1 year ago

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i need lifeguard ghost and dumbass soap 🙏🙏

i am happy to oblige 🙏

“Y’know, Soap—“

Soap thinks Gazis talking. Has probably been doing so for quite some time already, but Soap has been staring at the lifeguard for just as long, and he can only pay attention to so much at a time.

He’s a good friend otherwise, he swears.

He’s just… distracted.

“Aye, sure,” Soap says halfheartedly. He doesn’t know what he’s agreed to, if anything.

“You’re not even listening, mate.”

Soap hums. He watches sunlight catch dampened blond curls. “Do y’think if I went out and pretended to drown, he’d give me mouth to mouth?”

Gaz scoffs. “There’s far easier ways of getting his attention, you know. You are aware of that, right? Like, you could just walk up and—”

“But he’s on the job, Gaz,” Soap whines. He finally spares a glance to his friend. “I cannae distract him while he’s working and saving lives, or whatever.”

Gaz rolls his eyes. “You’d be just as well wasting his time by pretending to die, mate.”

Soap groans, flopping back onto his towel. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m realistic,” Gaz says. Soap squints up at him as he gradually climbs to his feet, dusting the sand off his swim trunks. “Why don’t I go talk to him for you, then? No schemes required.”

Soap shoots up, wide-eyed and immediately begging Gaz not to do so, but his friend is already walking toward the absolute giant of a lifeguard. Soap scrambles after him.

“Gaz! You absolute—“

Soap’s foot suddenly catches wrong on a mound of sand and his ankle buckles beneath him, a sharp pain shooting up his leg as he collapses, cursing the whole way down.

He winces as he cradles his foot, inspecting how his ankle swells when a large shadow falls over him.

“You right?” An unfamiliar voice asks.

Soap scowls, prepared to peer up at the stranger and spit back, Do I look right?, until said stranger appears to be the lifeguard he’d been watching for a better part of the afternoon.

“I—I’m—“ Soap stammers. He swallows thickly, swiping his tongue over his lips. “I tripped.”

Perfectly-manicured eyebrows are raised. It’s unfair, Soap thinks, that someone could look so attractive while looking so unimpressed. At him, nonetheless.

“You… tripped?” The lifeguard echoes.

“Aye.” Soap grimaces. “And… possibly sprained my ankle.”

The lifeguard hums. He drops into a squat, looking closer at Soap’s injury. As he grows closer, Soap can only smell sea salt and a dash of something else. It’s the kind of scent he’d like to bottle up and keep forever.

“Looks sprained, all right,” the lifeguard grunts. “Maybe start with that next time, yeah? Here, let’s get you some ice.”

He offers out a calloused palm to Soap. His hand is pleasantly warm.

Soap is helped to his feet. A strong arm then unexpectedly wraps around his waist (okay, maybe not unexpected, Soap did need him for support) before he’s urged toward the proper lifeguard station.

In his periphery, he can see Gaz’s stupid smug look as he trails behind from a distance. It doesn’t help that Soap can feel the telltale tingle of a blush down his neck and back.

Despite the rough voice and appearance, the lifeguard is gentle in his care. He finds ice for Soap’s foot, asks for Soap’s name and information, gets Soap’s leg elevated.

Soap learns the lifeguard’s name is Simon, watches as he switches places with whoever had been at the station before their arrival, observes as he returns to work while Soap rests with the ice pack.

Gaz is allowed to join him, at some point, though he doesn’t stay long. Just pokes fun at Soap, hands over his forgotten phone, and tells him to text when he’s ready to go home.

Soap also catches Simon eyeing him once or twice. Chalks it up to him being dutiful, making sure Soap is alright. Soap ignores the fact that it seems more like a glare when Gaz is around offering friendly touches, smiles, and jokes.

It’s almost disappointing, when the ice pack has become thoroughly melted. Soap shifts in his spot, which immediately gets Simon’s attention, the lifeguard rushing over to check up on Soap.

“Everything good?” He asks.

Soap nods. Even as Ghost inspects the swelling, Soap is staring into the warmth of his wonderfully brown eyes.

“Your… friend, he’ll drive you home?”

Soap nods again, however this time more stilted. Hesitant.

“Unless…” Soap starts, attempting a smile, “When do you finish your shift?”

Those eyebrows raise again. “About two hours. Why?”

“Well,” Soap says. He feels as if his heart will beat out of his chest. “What if… you drove me home? And maybe stayed for dinner? Call it a date?”

His voice grows quieter with every suggestion, but Simon never seems to falter. He only ever searches Soap’s face like he’ll find something there.

Finally, Simon shrugs. “I don’t see why not,” he says. The hint of a smile tugs at his lips. “I’ll fetch you another ice pack in the meantime.”

Oh, Soap is so screwed. But then again, had he known spraining his ankle would work, maybe he’d have done it a lot sooner.

Not that he’ll ever tell Simon that, of course.

#ask #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #gaz mw2 #ghost mw2 #soap mw2 #ghost x soap #ghoap #soapghost #ghostsoap #writing #alternate universe

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astridthevalkyrie · 7 months ago

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Tbh my slight with Eloise is mostly that yeah not wanting to get married is understandable and I can see how it’s incredibly boring and isolating being the only one in the ton that feels that way so openly. But I just think that Eloise is privileged because she doesn’t have to get married, but the others livelihood solely depend on getting married. I’m definitely not debating I’m just curious because where I see Eloise hate, it’s mainly pointing out how she makes quips about others who don’t have the ability to voice their distaste for marriage. And also the fact that she wasn’t a great friend in the first place to Penelope, as she could never listen to her for more than 2 seconds. Which is why she never noticed pen was LW in the first place. I hope this doesn’t come off as picking a fight or anything like that haha I just really like these discussions and I’m curious to see your view on that.

hey! this isn't coming off picking a fight at all, thank you for the thoughts!

long analysis about bridgerton and specifically eloise below, please note i have rewatched it recently but i haven't watched it an insane amount of times or anything so if i say something that's not true, kindly let me know.

so i agree with you for the most part. eloise is privileged. she's richer than most and she can afford to become a spinster while everyone else can't. i would like to point out that it's not like she'll live easily and comfortably if she does that. as kate tells her, she won't have a good time. she's going to be outcast. she's going to be looked down on. she's going to risk shaming her younger sisters. she will not be homeless, but she will not be loved. eloise says in season 2 that reading LW is a reminder of how trapped she is, which means she doesn't actually see becoming a spinster a viable option. as far as she's concerned, she's going to get married whether she likes it or not.

in season 1, most of her slights are with daphne, who's in the same family as her, and yes, while being the eldest daughter does come with a hefty burden, daphne is not more or less privileged financially. she wants love and marriage, she's not getting married to survive. both their viewpoints are understandable, i think. eloise finds daphne's pursuits fruitless and daphne is frustrated with eloise for not seeing things from her point of view. the problem i have with that, though, is:

who ever sees things from eloise's point of view? why is she expected to work to understand her older sister when daphne can't do the same for her? daphne has understanding from her mother and every other woman who's out in society. eloise has penelope and that's it. her family snarks at her whenever she voices her opinions. her mother actively tries to change her. eloise thanks daphne for being perfect, eloise concedes in their argument and asks her to name her song, and eloise sits with her on the couch so that daphne doesn't have to sit with berbrooke (or at least tries to before violet makes her go). the only other person besides penelope who's there for eloise is maybe benedict, and he often only talks to her when he's going through something already. when all of society disagrees with you and says you should just shut up and conform, you're not exactly going to be eager to be empathetic and listen.

now, aside from her family and penelope, eloise barely interacts with other people, especially the other debutantes. so while she rants about her viewpoints, she's normally not doing it to working class women or women who will end up on the streets if they don't marry. and when she does rant, yes, there's sometimes rude statements about how other women only care about marriage or feminine things which can come off as patronizing (and she definitely has a superiority complex no doubt), but for the most part, eloise talks about how the system is unfair. she's not wholly disparaging women for wanting to marry to survive, she's disparaging society for having a system that requires them to do so. eloise is also the only character so far who's shown to actively try and learn more about the working class. of course she's not an intersectional feminist yet, she's barely had the resources to become a basic feminist. but she was willing to learn. she wanted to speak to theo more, to read more radical books.

and honestly, for eloise (with my own bias because i know what it feels like to feel like your accomplishments amount to nothing because marriage is somehow more important), i don't think it's just boring or isolating. it genuinely seems to make her panic. it seems like it makes her ill, the thought of conforming. her bit when she tells violet that she's not rebelling for attention, and that she knows she's a disappointment....that poor girl. and like i said, i've had that anxiety. i've had that terrifying moment where i'm like. holy shit. what if i wake up and i've lived half my life and i'm not me because all i am is someone else's. jesus christ that fear can do things to you.

which is what makes her transformation this season so depressing. she's given in. she's playing the part because she's tired of fighting. even though the thought of being submissive and docile and silent and married is still obviously paralyzing for her. and so far i actually don't think it's poor writing, or out of character, but i do think that they might just be toning her down now so that it doesn't seem too ooc when she settles with phillip or someone else. that, i think, will be character assasination. unless she ends up with theo (or penelope or cressida or marina 🙏🏽), her love match with some type of feminist tamer character will be really heartbreaking to watch and i sincerely hope they don't go down that route.

anyway, she's also apparently the only character who's not allowed to have problems because of her privilege. anthony in the beginning of season 2 pissed me off so much. even simon in the first season at times. oh these women can't string together a thought! oh they're so desperate! oh their mamas are so stupid and annoying for *checks notes* wanting them to marry well and live happily! it's so heartless. it's so cruel. mister capital r rake does not care for any of his annoying sister's feminist ramblings, but he himself would like an educated, motherly, soft, clever, beautiful woman. kate absolutely clocked him when she asked how he was sure such a perfect woman would want him. but the fandom doesn't completely pile on anthony for his stupid ass takes. if they get on him for anything, it's for how he handles the sharma sisters (which is completely valid, just not the only dumb shit he's done). but he's sad about his dad dying so it's okay! benedict wants to paint sooooooo bad 🥺 and colin........must discover himself for the third time in a row. these men treat their own problems so seriously and the fandom doesn't give them half the shit for it that eloise gets for talking about a very real problem that terrifies her and affects her life deeply.

i've watched s3 only once, so i don't remember every interaction she has with cressida. but as far as i do remember, she tries to help cressida with debling. she tells her that she can stay away if that's what her father wants. i also don't think she knows that cressida's facing financial abuse, because even cressida doesn't know that until her mom tells her. eloise should probably have a hint that cressida isn't in the mood for making jokes, yeah. she should work on that. i can forgive her because frankly i'm seeing that she's barely interacted with other debutantes before this and is socially awkward. not everyone can forgive her for that, that's cool. i just think fandoms (especially tiktok fandoms, ugh) have this way of seeing a female character, and especially a female character that comes off as feminist or annoying, and will absolutely refuse to understand her at all. think any female character tiktok hates. ginny from ginny and georgia. mary from young sheldon. hell, even marina. these characters are flawed. eloise is flawed. but while other characters can be understood or even excused, being an annoying woman is the absolute worst thing to be. a crime. you deserve no kind of deeper understanding at all.

now, onto her friendship with pen.

i've felt like penelope in so many of my friendships. actually, i don't think i can think of any friendship i've had where i didn't feel like i was playing supporting role to the main character. so i'll absolutely agree, eloise could stand to be a better friend to penelope. she talks over her and ignores her sometimes, she doesn't seem to truly know penelope at all, and she tends to talk about herself far more than she asks about pen.

but i truly, truly don't think any of it is malicious. eloise wants to find LW originally because she wants to get justice for the featheringtons. she embraces pen immediately when she comes crying even though they were in a fight. she compliments pen on being such a good friend twice in season 2. also in season 2, eloise loudly tells cressida she would rather die than join her instead of pen. eloise is not some popular girl who uses pen to make herself look better. eloise thinks the world of her.

and eloise! is! keeping! her! secret! i feel like not enough people are understanding how absolutely insane that is. she's so ridiculously mature about it. she doesn't tell anyone. she endures the fallout of the (false) things penelope wrote about her. penelope writes and attacks el's brother and yet she doesn't say anything. she doesn't even go to her and tell pen to stop writing about her family! she feels bad that she accidentally let slip what colin and pen were doing. she apologizes for it. she feels upset that pen had to write about herself which is far more understanding than most would show in that situation (awww, you "had" to write about yourself in the gossip sheet where you regularly insult other people, woe is you). she stops cressida from bullying pen.

whereas in the very very first episode, lady whistledown's first article talks about how she doesn't like that the bridgertons are named alphabetically. does she help daphne by publishing the stuff about berbrooke? sure, after violet spreads the gossip, but more importantly, after she calls daphne ineligible for marriage which made berbooke her only viable option in the first place before simon stepped in. what has daphne done to her? nothing at all. also, this isn't just printing out gossip that everyone else is saying anyway (which still wouldn't be okay btw). this was penelope making a statement that was LW's personal opinion, which already carried a lot of weight. this was penelope nearly sabotaging daphne's chances of marriage.

and all of this isn't meant to be anti penelope. i understand her and why she does what she does (i do, however, think marina and eloise both clocked her, she is immature and she does write as LW because she's too nervous to be herself and is jilted by society). my overall point is that while eloise thinks the world of penelope, penelope harbors a bitterness towards el and her family. it's not an unnatural bitterness, mind you! you have a friend who goes on and on and doesn't ask you about you and her family is oh so perfect while your family is the laughing stock of the ton and her mother is so loving and your mother is anything but. anyone would be bitter. i think pen loves eloise too. she changes what she writes in LW to please her. she clearly cares that eloise approves of what she writes. she misses her and feels guilty about their fight. but pen isn't honest with eloise. pen isn't trying to discreetly reveal she's LW, or that she has a crush on colin. the only person to know before s3 is marina. eloise isn't a bad friend for not picking up on things that penelope is actively hiding. penelope also lets herself fall into the role of sidekick, she doesn't try to insert herself more into the conversation.

i might be forgetting a scene, but i think pen talks the most during the episode where they run off and lay in the field of flowers together (closet's invisible btw) and eloise listens to her and then says "you don't have to pretend anymore, you like this, pen" with the softest most adoring smile on her face while pen giggles. i promise i'm not trying to write peneloise fanfiction that's just how the scene goes. when penelope truly wants to talk, el does listen.

but that's where i'd give eloise the least grace, because i truly do think she could stand to listen more and listen better and ask about pen from time to time instead of just jumping in to what she wants to talk about. she shouldn't be surprised when pen wants to get married because pen said she did in s1 (my only in canon explanation of that could be that eloise simply thought she was speaking in anger and wasn't serious). i also don't know for sure, but i heard in the books they agreed to be spinsters together. that's not in the show, so it's not canon, but eloise certainly seems to think her and pen are on the same page.

i think there will be a mutual apology. i think that's fine. they both have stuff to apologize for and i won't get into penelope's character right now. if they continue to keep her quiet and docile and she ends up settling for a man who teaches her yadda yadda you can have feminism and love, i'm gonna sink into my chair. eloise bridgerton you deserve better 2k24.

#bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #analysis #i haven't written fanfic in a hot minute and yet i just wrote 2k words of analysis on eloise bridgerton #anti penelope featherington #<- at times

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 year ago

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AITA FOR KISSING MY ROOMMATE GOODNIGHT?

(everyone is in their 20s. names are fake)

I’d like to start off by giving background, I(M) live with my roommate Salt. We’ve been living together for a couple of years now and met through mutual friends.

I’m straight. Salt is gay in a very open, stereotypical sense(yk flamboyant, effeminate etc) and I’m not saying this to judge him/say I resent him or something he’s a dear friend of mine and I couldn’t care less abt his sexuality or how he chooses to express himself. However it’s important to mention this for the sake of AITA

The actual ‘issue’ started a year ago, where we were both drunk coming home from a party, I was struggling to get my keys out so he called me a idiot and then just.. kissed me??

That caused me to question my sexuality for a while because being a straight man you’d think I’d be repulsed or bothered by it but no I didn’t really enjoy it(not like there was smth to enjoy it was like a couple of seconds) but didn’t really mind it either in fact it didn’t made me feel any different than how I’d feel kissing a random girl I suppose?

So yeah I experimented with my sexuality for a week or so and even almost hooked up with some guy but nope. Still straight. Just didn’t mind him(probably because of how close we are)

Anyways back to the point after that Salt avoided me for a while but in the end we did have a talk which was basically him saying he was not attracted to me, how it was a spur of the moment thing and also apologizing if he made me uncomfortable.

To that I told him he did not and joked about how he could do it again.

Fast forward a month(?) later the “kissing the homies goodnight” meme came out, so one time I asked him where was my goodnight kiss was at and he actually did it, after that we just continued doing that ig I don’t think none of us thought much of it other than some night time ritual.

Here comes the actual AITA part, I recently got a girlfriend(we’ll call her Pepper). I’ts not like I’m super in love with her but she’s a nice girl and I genuinely like her so I wish to keep her happy.

The issue with Pepper is that she talks a tad bit too much, I normally wouldn’t mind it as I’m on the quiet part, but she expects me to memorize everything she has told me(not in the “do you remember my friend” type of way in the she tells me about 10 different people and gets upset when I don’t remember their exes names or what did friend7 did on lunch a month ago type of way) she also has a tendency to hyperfixate on shows and talk about the plot & characters as if they’re actual real people which makes it hard for me to understand if something she says is about a show or real. She gets really upset if I forget even the smallest things about those stories and rants about how I never listen to her. I tried talking to her about this but it only ends with her crying so I just keep shut to keep her satisfied

A week ago I was having a really bad day of migraines and nothing seemed to help but me and Pepper had made plans to hang in my place and I didn’t want to cancel. She comes over and starts talking about her sister in life’s brunch. I ask her if she could slow down a bit cause my head hurts and I can’t really keep up.

Well she takes it the wrong way and starts yelling at me about how I always am like this and how I never listen to her. I admit I’m the asshole for saying this, but I ask her if she’s unable to sit down and have a conversation like an adult. This makes her calm down a bit and she sits down so we can discuss.

I try explaining to her how it’s unfair how she expects me to remember everything and I’d be more than happy to listen to her, maybe just slow down a bit?

In mid of it she has this weird smile on her face and tells me I look hot mad, she then leans over to kiss me which I pull away from because it feels like she’s just trying to change a topic and I think this is an important convo for our relationship.

This is the moment Salt decides to arrive at home(I should also mention he’s TERRIBLE at reading the room) he comes over gives me my goodnight kiss and leaves.

(I would like to add its not like we make out or something. He just gives me a peck on the lips, says goodnight and leaves)

This drives Pepper crazy. She starts shouting at me on how I’d not kiss her but him? And that I could go ride his dick if I’m that gay for him. She storms out of the apartment

I’d like to add that Pepper has never said anything about me and Salt. I never told her about the goodnight kiss(Because I mean who goes to their girlfriend like “hey btw I kiss my roommate at nights. but no homo”?) but we never hide it either in fact I’m pretty sure we did that while she was in room once or twice too. Pepper has made jokes about us being gay and how she feels bad about getting inbetween us but never anything on being uncomfortable or not liking it.

Now it’s been a week and we haven’t talked since. She is not answering my messages and I stopped trying to contact her from there but I’m starting to doubt myself, am I the asshole here? Should I go apologize?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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hyunverse · 2 years ago

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elise ‧₊˚✩彡 lee felix

brother’s best friend!lee felix x reader. genre — fluff. just fluff. so much fluff wc — 1471 words. about — in which you and felix are just hopelessly in love with each other. note — a drabble for my 4k event! the song is elise by the greeting committee

“I’m outside,” the text reads.

It doesn’t matter that you get this variation of text almost every night. You’ll squeal every time. You’ll grab the hoodie by your coat rack and put it on, then sneak out through your window every time. You’ll get in his car and kiss him hello every time. Every single time. You’re weak for him and he knows it — loves it. Felix loves the way you’ll get into his car with a sheepish smile, grinning even more when you spot him smiling up at you too.

You couldn’t be happier to climb out of your window, his sweatshirt hugging your body and providing you warmth. With one foot already outside the window, you look back to your door to double-check the door lock. You nod once you see that it’s already locked, proceeding to climb out to the tree beside your window, careful as to not make any noise.

You’re not supposed to be outside after dinner. A curfew your family have set for you — the princess of the family. You’ve argued multiple times with your mother about the curfew set, saying that it’s unfair that Hyunjin, your older brother’s curfew is one hour later than yours — which your mother has argued back by saying that he’s older than you, albeit only a year older. It’s annoying, being a college student with an overprotective family.

Hence why you sneak out every time Felix wants to take you out on a midnight drive. For one, it’s past your curfew and secondly, you’re not supposed to be dating Felix — your brother’s best friend. Dating is already one thing, you’re still Hyunjin’s five-year-old little sibling in his eyes, but dating his best friend? If he finds out, his head would probably fall off from whiplash.

“Hi,” you softly greet him as soon as you open his car door, “I missed you.”

“Hello there,” he greets back, turning to face you, “climb in, pretty.”

One of his hands stays on his steering wheel, the other on his gear stick. Felix’s brown hair is messy, the side of his face glowing from the street lamp he parked his car under. You can see his freckles better under the fluorescent light, you have to hold back from immediately grabbing his face and littering kisses on each freckle. Not that he’d mind if you did.

You climb into the car, shutting the door close behind you. No time is wasted as you inch closer to kiss his cheek, earning a satisfied sigh from him. Like routine, he then drives off to somewhere else — somewhere none of your family members can catch you being outside past your curfew, somewhere Hyunjin won’t catch you making out with his best friend in the backseat of a BMW.

“You look so pretty,” Felix says the moment the two of you are seated in the backseat.

It’s cold. And dark — but none of that mattered when you’re with Felix. A paper bag of McDonalds sits on the front passenger seat as the two of you sit at the back, holding onto each other for dear life. Felix is glued onto your side, his head resting at the side of your neck. You can smell his coconut shampoo, his cologne and vanilla ice cream — he reeks of familiarity and you love it. You love everything about him, from the constellation-shaped freckles on his complexion to the depth of his voice as he speaks love mantras into your skin.

“You’re prettier,” you whisper back, as if he would break if you were any louder, “I don’t know what it is but you look extra prettier at night.”

He laughs. The sound makes you want to weep.

“That’s so back-handed, baby. It’s like you’re saying I’m pretty when you can’t see me well.”

You scoff, “that’s not what I mean! It’s just. . . the night light makes you glow in a different way. Or maybe it’s because you always have messy hair at night. . . it’s cute.”

Felix hums, then takes your hand into his. The moment he feels how cold your skin is, he clasps another hand on top of yours, warming it up by brushing them together. You take it as an opportunity to inch impossibly closer to his body, to the point where all you could smell is his coconut shampoo. He leans back against your body, before dropping your hand to wrap an arm around your waist.

“How has your mother never caught you sneaking out, hm?”

“No idea. Guess the world’s just on my side lately.”

“The things you do for me, love,” he chuckles, “love you so much. You know that, right?”

“I know. You’re worth everything ever, Lix.”

He feels like crying at the statement. But he doesn’t — instead, he closes the gap between you two with a kiss. A needy kiss. A hurried kiss. A kiss which screams his desperation and his love for you, one that’s breathless and passionate.

“Love you, love you so much,” he chants between kisses, having to pull away so often from his eagerness.

You pull away after a while, resting your forehead against his.

“You’ll be the death of me, Lix, swear to god.”

“Mm,” he hums, “hey. Wanna do something a little crazy?”

“Depends on how crazy it is,” you raise an eyebrow, “what do you have in mind?”

God, the things you do for him.

Upon parking his car somewhere secluded — far away from your family’s peripheral vision, you two end up climbing into the comfort of your bedroom. Felix’s idea of something crazy is letting him stay over for a night at your house, knowing full well that you’re dead if you get caught. Especially if it’s your brother who catches the two of you — you shudder at the thought of him questioning Felix’s intentions or some sappy shit like that.

“You haven’t made your bed from last time,” Felix points out, “the side I slept on is still messy.”

He plops down onto the bed, causing it to bounce a little. The last time you didn’t follow your family on a vacation, you had invited Felix to sleep over. It was roughly a week ago, and you haven’t made his side of the bed ever since. You left it messy, serving as a reminder that he once laid there, tangled in your sheets and your limbs. You like it that way.

“Mm,” you hum, taking off your sweatshirt and hanging it on your coat rack, “makes me think of you every night.”

Your boyfriend’s gaze softens at your statement.

“You know, if we get caught, it’s all your fault.”

He shrugs, “so? What are you going to do then? Spank me?”

“Ha-ha. Very funny, Yongbok.”

He laughs at your eye roll, before patting his side, inviting you.

“Come on, lay with me.”

You do as he says, falling onto your bed and into his arm. Your breath fans against his skin when you hide your face in the crook of his neck, your voice low as you start a conversation.

It’s meaningless pillow talk, yet meaningful at the same time. He knows he won’t remember the entire conversation tomorrow, but the small details will definitely stick. Details like what you saw at a jewellery store which you really liked, and a song that has been stuck in your brain lately.

Something about your company makes him sleepy. In a good way — not in a way where you bore him, absolutely not — but in a way where Felix feels entirely comfortable around you. He could strip himself off any shield and let you see him in all his vulnerability, but he knows it’ll be okay. That he’s safe. The sound of your voice talking about something along the lines of a tv show you’ve been hooked on all week slowly lulls him to sleep. Soon, he could feel his eyelids getting heavy.

“Lix?” you look up at his face, “sleepy?”

“Yeah,” he replies absent-mindedly, “let’s sleep.”

“Okay,” you utter, getting up to turn off the lights. A few groans elicit from his lips when you slip out of his grip, which you chuckle at. One thing you’ve learned about Felix is that he gets especially needy when sleepy.

“Come to bed quickly,” he demands, “want you.”

“Trying my best here, baby.”

“You know I love you a lot, right?” you hear him speak the moment you get back into the duvets beside him.

You could only hum, too overwhelmed by adoration to reply with full sentences. The duvet shifts as Felix adjusts his body to get closer to your figure. His eyes are still shut, breathing steadily and whispering absent-mindedly.

“So thankful I’ve got you,” the brunette whispers again, “you make my hard days easier, pretty.”

With a chaste kiss onto your lips, Felix falls asleep.

taglist (send an ask to be added) — @zoe8stay , @starlostseungmin , @bakugossanity , @hwajin , @sleepyleeji , @skizzel , @bbujiikseu , @asters-abditory , @byjeekies , @jdopes-recorder , @sherryblossom , @strayingawayy , @cb97whoree , @g4m3girl , @jeonginwrld

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anzynai · 3 months ago

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Day 4 - Hide and Seek

Ortho & Reader (TWST)

a/n: hi yall day 4 is out. this was fun to write! i dont think i made it as “scary” as i wanted it to be, but i dont think its bad. ANYWAY, i picked reader because the obvious choice would be idia, but im already writing for him two other times this month so i wanted someone else, which means… u. LOL. also, things i want to mention: idia is mentioned A LOT here and thats because ortho cares about him a lot. ik hes not just like, all about idia and thats all hes there for, but i think him mentioning idia a lot just works best in this scenario. another is that this is meant to be platonic because ortho is a like,,, kinda like young asf so i dont really think he should be shipped with people. sorry this note is SO FREAKING LONG. so ill stop yapping now gn everyone

——

“come out, come out, wherever you are!” ortho exclaimed in a gleeful tone, but somehow his words set your nerves aflame.

you crouched behind the tree, waiting for him to pass, and half-debating your life choices. you hadn’t played hide and seek in ages, but you felt nervous at being caught, especially when ortho said that there should be a penalty for whoever loses.

you didn’t really know what that penalty entailed, but since it was ortho, you figured why not? but now, hiding and seeing him search for you made you think you should’ve asked.

but really, who knew ortho would want there to be a penalty for the loser! it was to make things for fun, he had said.

he called your name, and you pursed your lips together, not daring to even breathe. ortho had a lot of functions that humans couldn’t do, and maybe superhearing was one of them… you really didn’t know so you would rather not take your chances.

you peeked out from behind the tree, sighing in relief when you didn’t see him anymore. does that mean you won?

“found you!” a shrill voice called from behind you.

“GAH!” you cried, scared of your wits as you lose your balance and fall forward on the ground. after a second to process, you turned slowly, looking at ortho. “aw, you found me.”

“mhm! and with three minutes to spare, which means i win!” ortho added, looking like he was having the time of his life. you smiled at that, but still…

“guess you do. so what’s my penalty?” you asked, hoping it wasn’t too extreme, like trying to convince idia to hang out with you for the whole day. you swear, it was impossible to have him talk to you for anything longer than an hour, even if it was about his interests.

“i’m gonna tickle you!”

your eyes widened at that, completely flabbergasted. of all things in the world, that was the last thing you expected.

“….tickle?!” you squeaked, awkwardly. did you hear wrong?

“yep! i think it’ll be fun!” ortho replied, not commenting on the nervousness and embarrassment you were feeling.

“fun?” you asked, but you guessed you could see where he was coming from.

“unless you don’t want to..” ortho said, pretending to be upset. you inwardly groan, he can really be so unfair sometimes, because how could you say no when he was looking so upset.

“fine, yes, i accept my penalty!” you cried, unable to take the guilt. you did feel much better though, when he began beaming.

“you will! yay!” he exclaimed, flying towards you. “maybe if i tell my brother about your tickle spots, you guys will be friends!”

“w-wait, huHUHUH?!” you cried, feeling his cold fingers begin to squeeze and knead at your torso. tell.. idia?! is this him trying to get information so you and idia could be friends?! in a way, it was sort of heartwarming to see him care for idia so much, but at the cost of your dignity? brutal. “stahahap, dohohont tehehell him!”

“why not? he’s ticklish too! you guys can have tickle fights!” ortho explained, and you can hardly believe how… open he is about exposing idia like that. and besides that, huh??

“nohohoho gahahahaha i’m tihihicklish!” you laughed, when he began to travel towards other spots.

“yes, you are reacting quite a lot when i tickle you!” ortho giggled, almost teasingly and clearly amused.

“plehehehehease!”

as he continued tickling you, he would note down spots that were more effective and spots that weren’t. the worst part was that he was saying this out loud. talk about embarrassing….

“you’re so ticklish here!” he teased, and it felt like you got even more ticklish. how was ortho so good at tickling anyway? probably from idia? he did say idia was ticklish…

a part of you realized you weren’t completely opposed to having a tickle fight with idia sometime. you didn’t have a lot of time to think about it before ortho because to tickle the spot that had always driven you crazy.

“W-WAHAHAIT! nohoho mohohohore! mehehercy!” you shouted, feeling overwhelmed very quickly and almost as quickly as you shouted it, ortho had stopped.

“that was fun, huh?” ortho smiled into his hand, as you tried to catch your breath.

“it wasn’t terrible,” you admitted. “a suitable penalty, i guess.”

“hehe, i hope we can play again sometime!” ortho said, and you could tell that you guys most definitely would. and not only that, but something told u that idia would be joining next time, whether he wanted to or not. you chuckled a bit at the thought.

“yeah, i hope so too,” you replied.

#tickling #twst tickling #twisted wonderland #twst #tickle fic #jai’s drabble #jai’s fic #lee!reader #ticklish!reader #ler!ortho #reader insert #platonic #augtickletober2024 #tickletober #tickletober 2024

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fortunatelyseveredreamland · 2 months ago

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What a week…

It’s so weird to be back here. I am sad I deleted my blog so many years ago and forgot what it was even called. I knew I’d come back eventually if something big were to happen. Never thought this exact thing would be the reason.

I was at work on Wednesday when I found out. My hands immediately shook and my heart sank. I couldn’t wait to leave to get home and be able to know more and mourn. As soon as I got in the car, I started crying.

It’d been such a long time since 1D took up this much space in my brain. It feels like a lifetime ago, sitting on tumblr from night to morning. Rewatching the video diaries and music videos millions of times. Making my friends and followers one shots and photoshopped texts. Plastering my entire room with posters from every magazine I could find. But somehow, it also feels like yesterday?

It felt weird to have my mind immediately transport back to being in my room and only caring about the boys. Sleepovers with my bestie revolving around their music.

I don’t think I have ever loved something as much as I love One Direction. The feeling of hanging out with you all and loving the boys so very much. I wish I could feel that way right now without the overwhelming amount of guilt.

I had to come back here with a brand new account and feel this community’s embrace again. The only people that will ever truly understand this feeling. And I’m so glad I did. While everyone is speaking how they feel, they are also sharing old posts, and funny ones. Ones that make all of the good memories come rushing back like a rough river. It’s like I never left. And in some way, I don’t think I ever truly did. I left my heart on this website and in One Direction and now I feel like there is a part of my soul that is never coming back. But maybe in due time, he can live in that void for the rest of time.

I have seen a lot of posts about inner child. But to be honest, I don’t think my inner child is crying. My full adult self is crying. The part of me that would spend all of my life savings on a ticket to an ot5 reunion. The little girl inside of me left long ago, but the adult 27 year old woman who has nothing to look forward to now feels like she’s actively dying inside. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. They were supposed to live until they were 90. It’s just unfair and too soon.

I’d like to say that I hope all of you are doing well. This is the first day since the news that I haven’t been a full puddle of tears, but I also keep waking up and hoping this is a nightmare. I took a shower and blasted take me home. I cried a little bit it was cathartic. It made me feel that all of those memories are worth so much to not only me but to the boys and their families.

I’d like to round this off with my letter to Liam.

Hey Leeyum,

I miss you like crazy already. Which pains me to say because I could’ve been a more active fan for you in the last few years. I knew what had been happening, but always felt like you were going to come out on the other side, stronger. I wish we all could’ve saved you.

Thank you for being you. Thank you for writing songs that helped me through my teenage and early adult years. They still do. Thank you for making us laugh. Thank you for making us proud. I know you wouldn’t want us to wallow in sadness for you. You’d want us to talk about the memories.

The boys love you so much and I hope you knew that. There was no One Direction without you. You were the glue that held it all together. You deserved more public love than you were ever given. I just hope you know how much the 1D family cares and loves you.

I’m so sorry this was the way your story ended. You deserved so much more than life gave you. I will love you until the end of time, sweet boy. <3

I love you all. Please take care of yourselves. I plan on sticking around a while. Hope to see more names that I recognize on my feed.

#one direction #rip liam payne #liam payne #1d #harry styles #zayn malik #louis tomlinson #niall horan #directioners

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surftrips · 2 years ago

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butterflies — part six.

pairing: rafe cameron x female reader

summary: after returning home from college for the summer, y/n runs into rafe cameron and the two form an unlikely relationship.

word count: ~ 1000

a/n: i was listening to taylor swift’s lover album while writing this which will become very obvious towards the end haha. only a few more chapters left! masterlist.

Rafe’s not even sure how Emma came back into his life. He’s convinced one of his frat brothers saw him moping around and called her up, assuming (incorrectly) that he was still hung up on her.

In reality, Rafe was still trying to get over you and how everything went down. It wasn’t ideal, and he was miserable on most days, but he still believed that leaving you alone was the best thing he could’ve done.

That is, until he found out that Emma had been lying to him.

To backtrack, she had simply showed up at the golf course one day to announce that she was in town for the week.

“Emma? What are you doing here?” he had asked.

“My father’s here on business, thought I would tag along. Maybe see a familiar face… and I was right,” she winked.

Rafe could hardly believe it. Here was this girl who had broken his heart, reentering his life as he was going through yet another heartbreak.

But heartbreak makes one lonely, and it was unfair for him to refuse Emma’s company under the premise that he was “taken” by you, because he wasn’t. Rafe knew he had to move on eventually, he just wasn’t expecting to do it with his ex-girlfriend.

She’s only staying for a week, Rafe thought to himself. It’s totally fine that she’s sleeping over. And we’re going out to eat together. And people on the island are starting to speculate.

To make things clear, Rafe and Emma are not sleeping together. They’re not even holding hands. The furthest they’ve gotten is a side hug and the occasional hand brush, courtesy of Rafe’s boundary settings. He would probably die if you saw him and Emma out in public being touchy with each other. As for everyone else in town, he didn’t care who saw or what they thought.

Even after a month, you were still the only person in town he cared about.

Unfortunately for him, and maybe purposefully by Emma, one week became two. Two became three. Soon, she had her own place at the Cameron dinner table.

“So, are you like Rafe’s girlfriend now?” Wheezie asked Emma once.

Rafe coughed, “Oh, no-”

At the same time, Emma responded, “Actually, I was his girlfriend last semester. We just took a little break, didn’t we, Rafe?”

Emma smiled sweetly at Rafe, who, refusing to start any discourse in front of his family, simply nodded.

Sarah was frowning.

—

Later that night, Rafe revisited the conversation Emma had with Wheezie at the dinner table.

“Listen, Emma, I don’t know what we are or even what we’re doing right now, but I don’t think it’s dating. Do you?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think we’re just friends either. There’s too much history between us,” she said.

“But that’s just it,” Rafe sat up. “It’s too much history to get past, how are we supposed to just move on like nothing happened? How am I supposed to move on like you didn’t break my heart?”

“Rafe, I’m here now,” Emma said quietly. “I’m sorry I hurt you, you know I loved you.”

“Did you? Did you love me or did you love being with me?” Rafe’s voice was growing louder, he couldn’t help it. “Because when push came to shove, you didn’t fight for me. You let me go.”

“Look, are you talking about that guy you saw me with after the breakup? Because he meant nothing to me, he was just a rebound.”

“Great, like that makes me feel better. Emma, what are you really doing back here?” Rafe sighed.

“I missed you,” she murmured. “I didn’t actually expect to see you when I came here with my dad, but I really, really wanted to. And when I did, I was so happy, I didn’t know how to approach the situation. I just want to be back in your life.”

Rafe felt as though the universe was playing a trick on him. A few months ago, he would’ve hung on every last word that came from Emma’s lips. Now, they all sounded like empty promises and half-hearted lies.

“You deserve better,” was what you had told him at the beginning of the summer. He didn’t believe you then, but it seemed so much clearer now.

“Emma, I can’t do this again. You know it’s not going to end well,” Rafe began.

“Is this because of Y/N?” Emma interrupted.

“What? How do you know Y/N?” Rafe felt his heartbeat quickening at the mention of your name.

Emma stammered, “I-I heard Wheezie and Sarah talking about her.”

Now, Rafe knew Emma was lying. Ever since your fight, his sisters had been careful not to mention your name around the house.

“Please, no more lies.”

“Fine,” Emma’s features hardened. “She may or may not have called you.”

“Are you kidding me?” Anger was now radiating from Rafe. “When?”

“Like last week, I don’t know,” her voice trailed off.

“And you didn’t think to tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was important!” she said defensively.

“It’s not up to you to decide what’s important and what’s not!” Rafe put his hands up to his face in frustration, looking around for his phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m calling her back,” he said. “You should leave. Goodbye, Emma.”

“Rafe-”

“I’m serious. Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

The two were quiet for a moment. Rafe trying to stabilize his heart rate and Emma trying to gather her thoughts.

“Fine, I’ll leave. But can I ask you one last thing?” She looked on the verge of tears.

“Yeah.”

“Do you love her?”

Rafe used to think love was burning red: violently passionate, ready to explode at any given time. But he was wrong, it’s golden, like daylight.

“I think I do.”

And for the first time in a long time, he smiled, a real and true Rafe Cameron smile. The one that you had fallen in love with.

—

TAGLIST: @holy-macncheese-balls @everythingmarveltopgun @maybankslover @totallynotkaibiased @allsmilesreally7 @kys4-20 @golden-tangled-earphone @siesie2 @palmwinemami (let me know if you want to be added!)

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #obx #outer banks #obx x reader #obx imagine #drew starkey #drew starkey x reader #rafe cameron x you #butterflies fic

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my-castles-crumbling · 5 months ago

Note

Hi :) i hear you give advice and i very much need some. I’m 15 and I live in a pretty (very) conservative christian area.

My older sibling is 19, and came out as trans to me like a year ago. Ngl I didn’t really know what that meant, cause we don’t learn about that stuff (except for your classic, anything that isn’t “normal” is wrong). But he just told me that he’s happier with he/him and with his new name. But he hasn’t told our parents yet, so I have to use the old stuff in front of them when he comes back for visits (he’s as uni) which feels gross cause I know he feels uncomfortable but it’s fine.

I sort of thought the he/him thing would be weird, since that’s not how i’ve addressed him my whole life, but after a couple of months it was actually super easy. We call each other like twice a week, and I was worried we’d drifted apart after he told me but actually were closer than ever, I feel like I know him a lot better now.

Oh but his old name, the one parents gave him, SUCKS. And now I can’t mock him for it cause he picked a new one, which seems unfair to me but I can come up with new material, i’m creative.

Anyway, he told me that he’s been saving up and he’s gonna get top surgery. He’s had a pretty good job since school so I guess he’s been saving since then. I hear it’s expensive.

But it made him decide to tell our parents. So when he came up and visited, just before he left, he told them.

That was last week. They reacted terribly, as we knew they would. And they’ve both been yelling about it a bunch. Saying stuff like “He (okay no they’re actually using she but I won’t be doing that even in writing cause it feels wrong cause it’s my brother) is totally insane” or “He needs therapy, we failed him.” or “How dare *old name* do this” or “he’s delusional” and a bunch of other awful shit like that.

So I have two options. I can try and encourage them to do little things like use he/him for my brother. Or call him their son instead of daughter. Or actually look at photos of him now (he very much doesn’t look like a girl anymore- idk how they didn’t realise tbh). Or how he always did little things like cutting his hair and hating dresses and other stuff like that.

I’ve often been able to help my parents be nicer about stuff. Like my friend who’s a lesbian, they hated her at first but now they’re nicer about it.

But maybe if I do that they’ll start yelling about corrupting me (as they’ve done in the past) and harass my brother worse and be even worse about it all.

It’s hard to know which direction it’ll go.

And look I still don’t really get it. But also it makes sense, you know? It’s like the final puzzle piece being slotted in, all those things he used to do make sense now.

My parents say I can’t interact with lgbtq+ stuff cause they’ll corrupt me. But like- not to be rude but, aren’t they corrupting me? My brother HAPPY. I don’t see how that’s wrong. And they’re the ones telling me I should be actively encouraging him to be- what, sad again? Uncomfortable in himself.

I don’t know, i’m not totally sure I understand my parents or my brother. I got tumblr in the first place since it’s the only thing I could think of that’s online (so I could hide it) and probably has lgbtq+ people on it so I could- idk get used to it I guess.

And now i’m here.

When it comes down to it, I want my brother to be happy, and if he’s happier as my brother than my sister then I don’t see why I should care about him switching pronouns or whatever.

So I want to try and help my parents see it like that too. And they often do see new sides to things when I point them out. So maybe id be helping.

But there’s also the chance they’d get more mad at my brother for corrupting me and that’d make him upset and that’s not what I want.

So yeah, any advice?

It’s kinda scary coming from my small town onto the giant internet of people i’ve been taught are weird. But you guys don’t seem that weird. I mean- you do but weird like i’m weird, not weird like ill. (Sorry if any of this seems rude btw, I might not get it but i’m trying really hard not to judge anyone, since it’s pretty clear to me that some of the things i’ve been taught aren’t correct).

Also why do my parents think my brothers ill anyway? I know him, i’d know if he’s ill. Also i love history, and trans people are all over history. I mean they’re never said to be trans but watching my brother, it’s pretty obvious other people were like him.

Anyway, thanks and have a good summer 💖

Hi hon!

I want to tell you, it sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you're an amazing support to your brother. You should be so proud of yourself.

I think you need to think about what is best for you and your mental health. If speaking up to your parents about your brother could end in them getting mad at you, it might not be a good idea. You've been doing amazing at supporting him while staying quiet, and I know he knows you support him. It might be best for yout o quietly educate yourself online without making a fuss, until you aren't relying on your parents as much for money, food, and shelter- kind of like your brother did.

This also might be a good thing to talk to your brother about, too. Like you said, this could affect him, and he probably knows your parents well. He might have some good advice <3 But you don't HAVE to stand up to them if it's not good for you. It's okay to educate yourself, and be an ally in other ways <3

Naming you history anon <3

(also wish your brother luck on his top surgery for me!)

#ask #asks #ask cas #history anon

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minawritesfanfic · 1 year ago

Text

Backyard Boy Part 1

Rodrick Heffley x Reader

Word Count: 4,196

Summary: Moving to the most boring town in one of the smallest states was supposed to be uneventful, but after meeting the boy in the house behind yours you come to realize maybe Plainview isn’t so bad.

Part 1

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

I let out a soft yawn as I flipped to the next page of my book. Reading was one of my only solace in the unfortunate, and very unfair, situation I found myself in. I'd been forced by my parents to go outside to get some fresh air and sunlight! Which was hard given the fact it was a cloudy and dry Tuesday afternoon. I could sort of see where they were coming from, it's true since school ended three and half weeks ago I hadn’t left the house. Like at all, this was my first time even being in the backyard since we moved in. So obviously my parents were starting to get worried, but I don’t know what they truly expected from me when they moved the entire family to another state a little over a week before summer vacation. Everyone at school already had their long-since-established cliques, not to mention most were too preoccupied with the finals they had to take. So consequently when a student transfers in at the last minute nobody really cares, not to mention those who were envious of my being able to skip out on finals. Though I still had to take them the week prior at my old school and was forced to sit in classes during a test I’d taken ages ago. Regardless, that situation wasn’t a breeding ground for blossoming friendships.

I closed my book with an annoyed huff, just thinking about it again was working my nerves. I was hurt and annoyed with my parents for uprooting my entire life with little to no warning, they did apologize for it though. They let me go all out in decorating my room and revamping my wardrobe, which made the move a bit easier. I just wish they didn’t expect me to do something other than be a shut in? I had no friends and I was stuck in a new town and state with a killer wardrobe. It killed me inside having nowhere to wear all the cute new clothes I had, I started wearing them to do the most absurd things. Laundry, the dishes, feeding our pets, and reading outside on the hammock.

I continued to ramble on in my head fuming but also gushing over how much I loved my new clothes. I was abruptly shaking from my thoughts when I was lightly drenched in a wave of water, it felt like some sick sign from the universe for me to calm down.

Screw the universe’s sign, I was pissed off. Not only was I now wet, but the water may have damaged my book and ipod. I quickly assessed the damage to both and I was relieved to see they were both mostly unharmed. I climbed out of the hammock and slid my headphones down to hang around my neck. I kind of just stood there in the backyard trying to figure out where the water came from, maybe we had sprinklers installed and I just hadn’t realized? I was given a hint when another wave came over the fence and this time drenched my hair, I could feel my blood pressure rising as water trickled down my forehead all over my face. I spit the water away that pooled over my lips and wiped my now damp face, and stomped my way over to the fence. I couldn’t see over nor through it but I could hear someone on the other side, thankfully there was a cute wooden bench on this side of the fence. I climbed on top of it, a bit skeptical about whether or not it would be able to support my weight. I know that it was something that the previous owners had put in and they owned this house for nearly three decades. Who knows how old this thing is and when the last time it was maintained?

I stood at the fence peering over the edge, I found the water assaultant on the other side. It was a greasy-looking boy who looked about my age, as he was turned around I couldn’t see what else he looked like nor what he was doing. Just his dishevelled black hair and black shirt. After a moment he turned around and appeared to be jamming out as he used his hose as an instrument, his eyes were shut tightly as he made little noises as he put on a performance. It was evident from his actions and appearance that he was some sort of alternative or emo kid, from the skrunkly bangs and darkly coloured outfit. The headbanding and mini concert he was doing only confirmed that assumption for me.

Though the fact he was using the hose as an instrument explained why I kept getting sprayed with water though, I just leaned against the fence watching him with an amused grin. I was honestly in awe of how he could be so far in his own world and not notice my presence. I laughed out loud as his performance came to an end and started to clap, when he let out a startled yelp jumping back and swinging the hose wildly, leading to him spraying me and himself.

“Wonderful performance but twenty points off for the water show, I didn’t know I bought tickets to an aquarium.” I joked as he looked up at me with wide eyes and a flustered face.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry, I didn't know anybody lived there anymore.” He said quickly

apologizing before picking up the hose he dropped.

“Really? I find that hard to believe, we moved in like a month ago. How did you not notice someone moving into the house behind you?”

“I have much better things to do than worry about who’s coming or going in the neighborhood.” He said walking back towards his house to turn off the hose and put it away.

“Oh really, like what? I can hardly believe there’s anything cool to do in this boring little town.”

“Yeah really, and there’s plenty of things to do here you just don’t know where to look. Lucky for you I know all the great spots in town like the skate park, this really good ice cream parlor, smoke spots if you're into that, plus there’s even a cool band that performs in town.” He said with a smug smirk as he ran a hand through his hair, it gave me a clearer view of his face which if I was being honest wasn’t half bad.

“Okay maybe there is something to do here, you definitely have to show me to that skate park though. But there’s no way in hell any cool band is playing in this tiny ass town.”

“Ouch! You don’t think my band’s cool? Great things come from humble beginnings, you’ll change your mind once you actually hear us play.” He feigned hurt, though his confident and boastful demeanor softened a bit.

“I guess we will have to see, what’s the name of this ‘cool’ your band anyways?”

“Löded Diper and I’m Rodrick the founder, drummer, and occasionally lead vocalist.” He said, flashing me a toothy smile.

I introduced myself in return, “Nice to meet you, Rodrick. Though I wish it was under more dry circumstances.” I said with a dry laugh as I shook out the moisture from my hair.

“Yeahhh, again I’m sorry about that. I could take you to the skate park and get you a spot at our next gig if it’ll make up for it.” He said looking away with a reddening face.

“Sure, but only if we get ice cream too, then I’ll forgive you.”

“Oh, wow okay! Well uhm, our gig is this Friday, so we’d have to do the skatepark and ice cream after that. Let me go get you a ticket and flyer, I’ll be right back!” He said and quickly sprinted back into the house.

I laughed at his eagerness and jumped off the bench, and walked back over to the hammock. I’d left my book to dry out in the dried sun and seemed to be fine, I also made sure to check my ipod again which was also fine. So beyond the discomfort of damp clothes sticking to my skin and the water trickling down from my hair, everything was fine. I heard Rodrick come back, his breathing was heavy and he wasn’t exactly a quiet runner. I climbed back up the bench and leaned over the fence again.

“Here's your ticket and this is the flyer that has the address and time. I also wrote my uhh numbers on the back for whenever you wanted to skate.” He said as he passed them over to me, I skimmed its content before nodding.

“Okay cool, I guess I’ll see you sometime Friday. I’m gonna go inside and dry off now, so later skater.” I just smiled awkwardly as the air between us had kind of grown stiff, I waved with the flyer in hand and retreated into my house.

★ ✮ ★

Before I knew it Friday evening had crept up on me suddenly. For my parents Friday couldn’t have come fast enough, they were ecstatic to hear that I was going out to do something in town unprompted. You’d think I’d won the lottery with how they were acting, which I wanted to take offense from. But it really was quite the event for me to leave, I’d originally been the type of person to rarely be at home. My parents usually had to chase me down just to be sure I’d be home for dinner.

I was also honestly excited to get out the house again, this wasn’t like where we used to live and there was a major city just a thirty minute commute away anymore. So being invited out to do something was a welcomed change, I definitely didn’t like shutting myself inside all month.

As my mom drove me to the venue I pulled down the vanity mirror and double checked my appearance. This will be my first time out in a while, and I’d hate to not look good doing it. I put on my favourite shirt and bottom duo, despite the different styles they fit together seamlessly and I couldn’t just not wear them. After I was happy with my looks I flipped the mirror up and continued to stare out the window. Fiddling idly with my seatbelt as I always did, buildings and houses flying past as my mom practically sped through the town.

“Are you excited sweetpea?” My mom asked, glancing over at me.

“Yeah, I missed going out like this. I can’t wait to be out there enjoying the town again, although I don’t know how I feel about being crammed inside a venue with a bunch of strangers by myself. It’s a lot easier to get lost in a place like this.”

“Aw well do you want me to come with you? I’m quite interested in this summer festival too, which means that I can finally get my groove on.” She said with a laugh dancing a little in her seat.

I laughed but cringed slightly when she did the Dougie, “Not if you dance like that! I can already feel myself dying of embarrassment...”

“Oh hush, back when I was your age I was a dancing machine. You kids nowadays are too sensitive and hate having fun, such a shame.” My mother teased with a sigh as she pulled into a parking spot.

“I’m sure you were Mom, but I think I’ve got this on my own. Wish me luck?” I said as I got out of the car with my bag.

“Okay sweetpea good luck, just call if you need me. I’ll be right down the street, okay?” I just nodded and waved as she pulled off.

And there I was alone in the parking lot, as I made my way to the venue's gates I could hear music already. Rodrick’s band wasn’t supposed to play until late into the event, so I decided to show up a bit later. The festival was in full swing, despite the size of the town it seemed like there were thousands of people here.

As I passed through security I just stared in awe at the liveliness of the event. The air smelt delicious from all the food stalls, and people were dancing, sitting, and running around. I squeezed through the sea of people and found a cozy spot on the grass off to the side, its view of the stage wasn’t the best it would work for now.

I was starting to regret not having my mom come with me. Sitting alone in the grass surrounded by families and large groups of friends laughing made me feel out of place. I don’t even know why I came to this in the first place, it's not like Rodrick would even know if I came or not. Not to mention based on the lineup for the festival none of these bands played music I was really a fan of, so even if it wasn’t bad it’s likely not going to be something I’ll enjoy.I could feel even more negative emotions bubbling inside of me, I took a deep breath and stood. Then I made my way towards the food stalls in the hopes that a nice snack would calm my nerves.

There were a plethora of things to choose from, but once I saw the funnel cake stand I knew exactly what I wanted and made a beeline for it. I hopped into the short line and waited my turn, I practically drooled at the smell and felt all the negative emotions and thoughts drifting away. Which once again confirmed that food makes basically everything better or at least more tolerable.

“Oh my gosh, I love love love your shirt. Can I have it?” A stranger said placing a hand on my shoulder and pointing to my shirt, I was caught off guard by this then again when a hand pulled them away by the face.

“Reese that’s borderline assault stop it, sorry what they meant to say was where can they get one? That is a really cute shirt though, might I add” A boy said, stepping in front of ‘Reese’ with a smile.

“Thank you, I got it from a concert I went to. It was a small one though but I think their name was ‘The taxpayers’?”

“Oh, sick! I love that band, I listen to them all the time. That’s it we’re officially best friends now, I’m Reese!” Reese’s eyes lit up as they clasped my hands in theirs, shaking our hands violently up and down that I couldn’t help but laugh.

I introduced myself in return with a smile, “You’re quite the character aren’t you Reese? I love to be best friends with you.” Albeit the fact I was a bit thrown off by the abrupt friendliness, but I welcome having the idea of having a friend considering I had none here.

“That’s such a lovely name, I’m Alejandro by the way. If you’re up for it you should totally come and sit with us. I'm sure our other friends would love to meet you.” Alejandro said with a smile and Reese just nodded practically jumping up and down.

“Oh yeah sure! I’d actually really like that since I’m kinda here all on my own,” I said shyly as I quickly ordered my funnel cake, then stepped off to the side to wait for it to be done.

“Yes, yes, yes!!! This is gonna be so awesome, but is this your first time at the festival? I haven't seen you around town before?”

“A friend of mine is supposed to be playing here tonight, but it is my first time. I moved here pretty recently.”

“That makes sense, where did you move here from?” Alejandro asked as he joined us on the other side of the stall.

“New York, not from the city though but I did live pretty close.”

“Oh wow, that’s so cool. I’ve always wanted to go to New York City, there are so many places to visit and shops to see.”

“Yeah, it's a beautiful place but the rats there are as crazy as you think. I saw one this one time that was almost as big as my head!” I said as I moved my hands to my face to demonstrate how large the rat was, but then quickly turned around to grab my funnel cake as the man called my name.

“Gross, I can’t stand rats and shit. I think I’d absolutely die if I saw one of those. Anyways, is there anything you need to grab before we head over to our group?” I laughed and nodded as I ate a piece of my funnel cake.

“Uh yeah, I left my blanket over there.” I pointed to the left where I spied the floral blanket I’d brought with me.

“Perfect, our group is kind of over that way too, come on.” Reese grabbed my hand again and dragged me with them.

I quickly picked up my blanket and tossed it over my shoulder as I stumbled along with Reese and Alejandro. Eventually, we stopped at a collection of blankets near the front of the stage, there sat two girls and a boy. I made eye contact with the boy, he was pale and wore a navy blue sweater and light blue jeans, he smiled at us and waved. This led to the two girls turning around to look at us, one was a dark-skinned girl with long brown braids wearing a white crop top and long pink skirt. The other girl who was larger had pale skin and bright pink hair, wore a plaid yellow romper with a white undershirt.

“Well, who’s this cutie pie?” The girl in pink said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“My new best friend! Meet the gang!” Reese introduced me to everyone as we sat down on the blankets with them.

I learned that the girl in pink was Renatta, the pink-haired girl was Cecily, and the boy was Nolan. It was quickly evident how vastly different they all were, it was honestly the most unlikely group of friends. Renatta was definitely someone you’d see walking along with the popular girls at school, Cecily was an artsy bookworm, Nolan was harder to read but it was clear he ran in similar cliques that Renatta did, Reese was the big goofball of the group and artsy like Cecily, and Alejandro was on the quieter side but he definitely the fashionista amongst the group.

“Anyways, you said you had a friend playing in the show. Who’s your friend, I’m absolutely dying to know?” Renatta said turning to me as she waved off whatever Nolan was going off about.

“Oh yeah, his name is Rodrick and he’s here with his band. They should be playing soon.” Alejandro spit out their drink into the grass beside them and Cecily laughed.

“I can’t believe they let him perform after the last time,” Renatta said, shaking her head as she tutted, the whole group seemed to have similar reactions.

“What happened the last time..?”

“Oh, right you’re new here. He performed at this one girl Heather’s sweet sixteen a while ago and knocked a bunch of shit, and caused her to trip into the chocolate fountain. Renatta was there and said it was awful!” I cringed at the thought as Cecily explained.

“Yeah, Heather’s practically had it out for him since. Though don’t tell her I said this I think she deserved it, she’s way too self-centered for her own good.” Renatta interjected, rolling her eyes.

“Jeez, well let’s hope nobody gets turned into dippable food this time,” I said with a laugh.

As if on cue, I saw Rodrick and his band walk up on stage. I waved at him though I doubt he saw me as he introduced his band, once he was done they quickly went to play. It was interesting hearing them play the punk rock version of a pop song but it honestly wasn’t bad. Rodrick moved wildly as he played and it was clear he was in his element and having the time of his life. His band only played three songs and were off the stage relatively fast but they played well regardless. Plus no one was turned into a chocolate treat this time around.

★ ✮ ★

I waved goodbye to the new friends I made as they all headed home, as I looked down at their freshly saved contacts in my phone I received a text from my mom. She was going to be a bit late as she’d gone a bit further than just down the street to run some errands. I just responded with a simple okay and leaned against one of the brick pillars outside the venue. I couldn’t help but yawn, I’d had a blast dancing with Reese and them. It was fun but exhausting, not to mention it was already nearing ten pm. The sun had long since set and the only light coming through the cloud sky was from the street lamps. Thankfully there were still people slowly trickling out of the venue, so I didn’t feel too bad about being alone in the dark of an unfamiliar place.

“Heya neighbor, how’d you like the show?” A familiar voice called from my left, I turned and found Rodrick walking towards me.

“It was pretty good, I saw you guys play and I’ll admit you were right. Your band is kinda cool, never thought I’d hear a pop cover of Gwen Stefani’s Sweet Escape,” I laughed as I stood straight and walked over to him.

“I can’t see how you could ever doubt me,” he shook his head with a prideful smirk.

“Well, when you crash a sweet sixteen party it's a bit hard to put my complete faith in you.” His face flushed red and he groaned as he brought his hands up to cover his face.

“You heard about that already?! Ugh I’m never going to live that down…” He groaned into his hands as he dragged them down his face, I just laughed and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah I did in immense detail, I heard your rendition of Justin Beirber’s Baby was the performance of the century!”

“Please don’t remind me, I just barely got people to stop talking about it at school. I don’t think I could handle any more reminders of that embarrassing night.” He shuddered as he exaggeratedly shivered at the thought.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry. But still you did really well out there, plus I could tell from down here how much of a good time you were having.”

“Thanks, that means a lot.” He quickly cleared his throat, “Anyways are you free tomorrow? I still owe you that visit to the skatepark and ice cream.”

“Yeah I am, I almost forgot about that. Which reminds me too, I forgot to ask, do you skate Rodrick?”

He shook his head, “No not really. I only go there because I have a friend who does, he’s actually in the band too.”

“Aw that’s a shame but fair enough. This is my first time meeting a drummer that’s not a skater though, usually, it’s the other way around or some other instrument.”

“That’s odd, I just never really found the time to skate. I’m usually practicing with my band or dealing with my brother, so not a whole lot of free time.”

“Well if you’re up for it you can borrow an old board of mine and try skating with me, heads up though I suck at teaching.” We both laughed

“Maybe I’ll try it out.”

“Yeah, come on, don't maybe me. It’s tons of fun, plus I need a skate buddy.” I said as I spied my mom pulling into the parking lot.

“Fine, but only if you help me learn to ride before going to the park. I can’t fall in my ass around a bunch of my friends, I think I’d quite literally die.”

“Oh come on you’ll be fine, but still we can do that. My place at noon tomorrow then? We could practice first, go get ice cream, and then head down to the park. How’s that sound?”

“Ugh that’s so early but fine that works I guess.”

“Okay great, I’ll see you tomorrow then Rodrick. Bye!” I said giving him a quick hug before jogging off towards my mom's car, but quickly stopped and turned to him. “Oh yeah, do you need a ride home?”

“No, I drove here with my bandmates. Thanks though.” He said with a wave as he walked off toward the far end of the parking lot.

I just continued to my mom's car as she gave me a curious look. She didn’t say anything during the car ride home but I knew she'd have a million questions for me once we got home. And despite the fluttery feeling in my chest, I was dreading answering the bajillion questions she likely had.

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

#rodrick heffley x reader #minawritesfanfic #x reader #reader insert #cannon divergence #fluff #friends to lovers #series #my writing #doawk rodrick #doawk

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soulofapatrick · 2 years ago

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You Infuriate Me - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: You almost get killed and Joel snaps at you out of fear and being terrible at showing emotions

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: small amount of injury really; angst and fluff

Y/N’s POV

The cabin is quiet when we step inside, the only sounds our breathes and the creaking of the floorboards. The air is tense, Joel moving left and me right, neither speaking to each other as he’s still mad at me for running off and almost getting myself killed. I thought I’d heard a kid crying for help and rushed headfirst into a raiders trap of a room full of runners and clickers and of course I ran out of ammo two clickers from clearing the room and Joel showed up just in time. He’s giving me the silent treatment and I’m not going to apologise and I’m not going to tell him about the blood sliding down the sleeve of my jacket, starting to slide through my fingers and making it a little difficult to hold my gun without it sliding around in my grip.

Making it around the downstairs and finding the cabin empty I can feel Joel’s eyes on me but I refuse to look at him as he comes back down the stairs. I know he’s angry, I can see it in the usually soft honey of his eyes , but I’m angry too. I’m angry that he always treats me like a child like I can’t handle myself in a fight, like I hadn’t survived six years out here without him. It makes me wanna scream and punch something so I speak, “Cabin is clear, let’s go.” My tone harsher and colder than I intended but I just turn and head for the door where our horses are waiting for us.

He says my name and I can hear the pain hidden deep beneath the anger but I’m not doing this now, wanting to just get back so Tommy can check out the still bleeding gash on my shoulder. Wanting to get back before Joel notices the blood and then lectures me even more, so I’m storming out the door and fixing my gun to Indiana’s saddle before swinging myself up and settling in the saddle. Joel’s huffing but copying me, eyes boring into my back as I ride ahead and refuse to look back. I can sense his frustration and disappointment but it’s unfair. A few days ago he was telling me how much he admires me and then he was calling me childish and impulsive and I was stupid enough to believe that he liked me romantically. That maybe he was telling me he felt the same way but nah, I was just being delusional obviously as the anger radiates from him.

The gates grind open and I’m off of Indiana, handing him to Isadore - our stable boy and one of my best friends - squeezing his shoulder and heading for Tommy’s well before Joel’s had a chance to climb off Callus. Tommy’s isn’t that far into town so I’m there quickly, not even knocking but storming in and making Tommy look up from where he’s washing dishes while Maria’s pouring over a patrol routes map. I’m shrugging off my jacket, a small pool of blood slipping out the sleeve and onto their floor ,and the shirt around my left shoulder is soaked with blood, which has both their attentions. Maria grabs her own jacket and leaves, probably to go talk to Joel while I throw myself into a chair at the table.

“What happened?” Tommy asks, sitting next to me with the medical bag spread out on the table. He eyes my shirt and without hesitation I’m ripping it over my head, sitting in just my sports bra in front of Tommy but I don’t care. Tommy’s married and he’s pretty much an older brother figure to me. Tommy’s my person.

“I ran into a trap and of course mister fucking know it all has been pissed at me the whole rest of the day.” I snap, throwing my balled up shirt across the room and quickly apologising when he gives me a look with his eyebrows raised. He accepts the apology and pulls out the needle and thread, handing me the bottle of whiskey to try and dull the pain. Of course it doesn’t and I’m digging my nails into Tommy’s leg almost painfully in a hope I don’t scream as fuck, it’s so painful.

“You know Joel’s just angry because he cares about you.” Tommy speaks as he focuses on stitching my shoulder up, cognac eyes flicking to meet mine for a split second before going back to the needle when I turn my head to look at him. He’s got a face of pure concentration, brows furrowed and tongue sticking out a little, nose scrunched up to hid his freckles that are barely visible against his sun-kissed skin. His hair is tucked behind his ears so it doesn’t get in the way and the pads of his fingers are rough against my sensitive skin. I’ve always thought that if Tommy wasn’t married and I had never met Joel I’m sure he is who I would have ended up with but not in this universe it seems.

“Yeah because calling me fucking childish; impulsive and immature is caring about me.”

Tommy chuckles softly, “Joel’s never been good at expressing his emotions,” He mutters, more to himself before continuing, “Y/N, that man I head over heels for you and he was probably scared watching you almost die-”

“How’d you know I almost died?” I cut him off and his head flies up, cognac eyes wide and I realised he was joking about me almost dying and now there’s a very similar glare on his face that Joel’s had all day, “Not you too please. Tommy, you’re meant to be my person.”

“I am you person,” He huffs before finishing up my stitches and moving back to grab a bandage to keep the stitches protected, “But think about this, if it was Maria where you were and I was Joel I would be pissed and scared. He’s scared that he almost lost you,” I just frown, pouting as I know Tommy’s right. He’s always right. So the feelings I thought Joel had for me are real. I wasn’t just imagining them and now he’s getting the silent treatment from me and- “Go get your man.” Tommy nudges me up and I pull myself to my feet, eyes searching for my shirt but before I can even move towards it Tommy is holding out his sweatshirt that he knows I really love but everyone knows it’s Tommy’s and he doesn’t want to give people the wrong idea.

I’m outside Joel’s before I can process it and I’m knocking before I can stop myself, hearing movement before he’s answering the door and I think my throat closes up when I see him. His honey eyes red and puffy as if he’s been crying, salt and pepper hair a fluffy mess from him running his hands through it and his weatherworn skin deepest with pain and anger. His beard glistening a little from the tears he’s obviously shed and I think my heart breaks as I’ve done this to him. Joel just looks at me, surprise written all over his face, before he’s silently stepping aside to let me in and I do just that, letting him close the door behind me and stopping in the centre of the living room. We just stand there in silence, facing each other and neither knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry,” I choke out, voice barely a whisper and I can’t meet his gaze, “You were right, I was being impulsive and childish and I shouldn’t have-“

“I’m sorry,” Joel cuts me off, voice gruff and almost broken. I can feel my heart racing in my chest, my hands trembling at my sides as he lets out a heavy sigh, “I don’t want to lose you too.” He sounds to vulnerable and I finally gain the courage to meet his gaze. I can see the openness on his face as he lets me see the pain and fear and it breaks my heart all over again.

I’m closing the distance between us, ignoring the dull throbbing in my left shoulder, grabbing Joel’s left hand in my right one and his eyes slip down to our hands, breath a little shaky so I speak again, “I’m sorry Joel,” I say it more firmly, rubbing my thumb over his knuckles before adding, “But you… You, Joel Henry Miller, are a dumbass when it comes to expressing emotions.” His head flies up, eyes wide and mouth agape a little as he tries to find the words but coming up with nothing so he looks like a beached fish, cheeks a rosy colour. I take his speechlessness as an opportunity and pull him that final step closer by his hand, his chest flush against mine. I can feel the warmth radiating from his body and the tension that has been between us seems to dissipate as soon as my lips brush his in a quick and testing kiss.

Joel is looking down at me with a mixture of surprise and desire, I can feel his heart jackhammering in his chest. But then again, it could just be mine, we’re so close I’m not sure. Joel’s hand is shaking free of mine to grab my chin and draw me up into a proper kiss, the softness and neediness of his lips quickly replacing my need for oxygen. Despite kissing him for the first time it feels oh so familiar and comforting, like old friends rekindling a romance. I can feel the heat building between us, his tongue tracing my lower lip before delving into my mouth, exploring and teasing me. My right hand finding its way into his hair and pulling him closer as he walks me backwards towards the nearest wall.

I’m letting out a pained sound as my back collides with the wall, sending a sharp and pulsing pain to ricochet through me from my left shoulder. It has Joel breaking the kiss, concern and worry etched into the lines on his forehead as I let my head fall back against the wall and my right hand instinctively goes to grip my left shoulder. I can picture the way Joel’s eyes have narrowed by the way his fingers trace over my hand lightly and he asks, “What’s wrong?”

My breath comes out in ragged gasps, silently cursing myself for not going to the market to get myself some painkillers before coming here. I breathe through my teeth, trying to get a grip on the pain and steady my racing heart, “It’s nothing.” I lie instinctively but I feel him shuffle and drag my eyes open to see him with his hands on his hips, one knee cocked out slightly and his eyebrows raised in the same way Tommy had earlier so I sigh through the pain and say, “I caught my knife when fighting off the clickers.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You called me childish and impulsive and I didn’t want to prove you right.” Joel lets out a sigh, his hand moving from my hand to my shoulder, gently pressing down to feel the wound. I wince at the pressure, but his touch is surprisingly gentle. He leans down and brushes his lips against my forehead, his voice low and gentle as he speaks, “You shouldn’t have to prove anything to me, Y/N. I’m sorry for what I said earlier, I didn’t mean it.” It makes my heart swell at his words and I reach up to cup his face, my thumb rubbing gently against his cheekbone. “It’s okay, Joel. I know you didn’t mean it.”

We stand there for a moment, just looking into each other’s eyes, the tension between us dissipating as we come to a mutual understanding. Joel breaks the silence, his voice a little gruff as he says, “Come on, can I have a look?” I’m nodding before yelping in surprise when he scoops me up and heads to his kitchen to set me down on the table. His fingers fiddling with the bottom of Tommy’s sweater, eyes questioning and I’m nodding, letting him help me ease the sweater off and not helping but laughing when he chucks the material across the room with a grumble about Tommy’s clothing and his before his eyes settle on the bandage on my shoulder and upper arm. His fingers ghost lightly over the bandage before he’s meeting my gaze again, “Can I kiss you again?”

“Please.” I’m gasping out, gripping the front of his plaid button up and yanking him forwards, meeting his lips half way, feeling the way his large hands land on my thighs to catch his balance. This kiss is passionate and intense, fuelled by a mix of desire and relief. Joel’s lips are soft yet demanding, eagerly exploring and tasting mine as he deepens the kiss. His tongue gently brushes against my lower lip before delving into my mouth, eliciting a moan from deep within my throat. I respond in kind, my own hands tangling in his hair as I pull him closer.

“Y/N? Joel? If you two haven’t killed-“ Tommy stops in the kitchen doorway, a shit eating grin finding it’s way to his lips, “I see I’ve interrupted but I’m pretty sure you’re going to be wanting these.” He’s holding up a bottle of painkillers and I think I whimper which has Joel dislodging himself from where he was standing between my legs to take the bottle from Tommy.

“Yes, thank you Tommy, now you can leave.” Joel is guiding his brother through the living room towards the door and I can hear them bickering and Tommy’s teasing and laughing the whole way there. I can hear him cackling even after the front door is shut on him and Joel comes back in, grumbling about stupid younger brothers. He puts the bottle of painkillers next to me on the table before slotting himself back between my legs and grips my chin, “Now where were me?”

“You were going to kiss me again.”

“Hmmmm, is that so?” His warm breath ghosts over my lips, pulling his head back a little every time I move forwards to close the gap.

“Joel Miller! I swear to god if you don’t kiss me right n-“

------------

The Last of Us Masterlist

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