#but it just feels incredibly out of touch the way she spoke about her money
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vigilantesyd · 1 year ago
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m-jelly · 4 months ago
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Beautiful. Cute. Smart. Funny. Gorgeous. Sexy. Goddess. Levi kept thinking of so many words to describe you as he gazed at you. It was only a matter of time before he ran out of words to describe you, so he might have to invent new ones.
Am I really dating this woman? How could I be so lucky? How did I manage to win her of all people? His brows furrowed as he started thinking about your relationship. I have a lot of money, I'm rich, but she doesn't like me spending anything on her. She tells me off if I buy too much for her, but I can't help it. I want to spoil her.
A long sigh escaped him, he felt bad that he was possibly considering that you were in it for the money. How dare I consider that? She's my angel! My Goddess! She's my everything. She has told me I'm handsome and funny. So, she wants me for me.
Levi reached over and grabbed your hand as you walked by. "Love?"
You gazed at him with those beautiful eyes of yours that he adored looking into. "Yes, handsome?"
There she goes again, calling me handsome. Fuck. She makes my heart race so much. I want to kiss her. I want to make love to her. I want her. I want her. I want her!
Your lips lightly pressed against his causing fireworks in his head and the voice to hush. "Mm. Was that what you wanted?"
He pouted a moment. "It wasn't, but I kind of want more."
You slipped onto his lap. "More?"
Holy shit, she's sitting on me. Fuck, I love it when she does this. She's so cuddly and smells so good. I want her to never leave me. He wrapped his arms around you and instead of thinking he spoke. "Mine."
You hummed a sweet laugh. "Yes, yours." You kissed him a few more times. "So, what can I do for you?"
He looked deep into your eyes. She always tells me the truth. We have a truth agreement. We tell each other the truth no matter what. So, I'll tell her. "What do you love about me?"
You caressed his cheek in such a loving way that he felt precious. "I love your heart and mind so much. You're so sweet, funny, caring, and in touch with your feelings. You help so many people and ask for only respect back. You remember things about people and are dedicated to those you care about." You tapped your forehead against his. "You're a wonderful man. Plus, you're incredibly handsome and I just want to kiss you and bite you all the time."
His cheeks flushed pink. I know I've heard all that before, but every time she tells me my heart races. She makes me so happy. She confirmed I'm handsome too. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"I love you so much." He kissed you over and over. I wish I could kiss you forever. I would love to lock her up in our home and keep her forever, but I'll keep that to myself for now. The next plan is marriage. I am going to marry this woman so fast. My Mrs Ackerman.
You cupped Levi's face. "Do you have a lot of precious thoughts going on through your head?"
Levi smiled. "Yes. All loving thoughts."
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storiesofsvu · 4 months ago
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Solace
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Rita Calhoun x reader warnings: language, brief mention of svu style angst, smut, dirty talk, thigh riding. sub!rita
Rita was home late, later than usual and much later than she had intended when she originally left her office. It was only supposed to be a drink, maybe two while she vented to Elana about the bullshit direction her case was going but one thing always led to another and this time that meant nearly finishing a bottle of wine. Normally these evenings were spent complaining about how annoying her client was, how stupid they were when they thought they were a genius, how the only reason they were on her client list in the first place was daddy’s money. Tonight it was the complete opposite, she’d taken a pro-bono, suggested through Rafael for an incredibly tricky case where she knew that her client was innocent, that they didn’t deserve suffering through a trial much less the prison time they were likely now facing. It was rare that she felt this defeated, that things didn’t feel right and it was eating away at her from the inside out.
The only light left on in the kitchen was the one above the stove, the living room dark and she felt a pang of guilt wash through her at the thought of you waiting up for her. A sliver of light shone down the hallway from the ajar bedroom door, soft music wafting through the air and she took a breath of relief, at least you weren’t already asleep. Nudging the bedroom door open she caught you coming back from the en-suite in a pair of thin beige joggers and a tank you usually slept in.
“Hey.” You greeted with a warm smile, making your way over to her your hand braced on her elbow you leant in, pressing a tender kiss to her cheek and Rita felt the warmth soothe through her veins at the touch.
“I’m sorry I’m so late.”
“It’s alright.” You squeezed at her elbow, “you’ve had a rough week.” You took the blazer folded over her arm, adding it to the dry cleaning pile in the walk in, “did you eat?”
There was a slight pause, “does a salad count?”
You popped back into the room with a brow raised and Rita knew she was already caught, “not if the salad was made up of fermented grapes.”
She let out a soft sigh, stepping out of her shoes and moving through the room to take out her earrings, “fine.”
“Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“Am I going to wake up to you nearly burning the house down at three in the morning?”
“They have delivery apps for that.” She nearly scowled, looking at you through the mirror and you laughed, wrapping your arms around her from behind.
“Well… if you don’t want food… and you’ve already had something to drink…” your lips brushed against her neck once, twice, “I can think of something else that might make you feel better?”
“Darling…” she sighed, her shoulders sinking at the thought of disappointing you after leaving you hanging all evening, “I just really don’t have the energy—”
“Who said anything about you having to do anything?” You asked, a gleam in your eye as your hands moved to her hips and turned her around to face you, “you’ve had a long week.” Leaning in, you kissed her softly, your lips brushing against hers as you spoke, “let me take care of you, hmm?” Your hands began tugging at the hem of her shirt, untucking it from her skirt so you had access to her skin underneath the fabric as you leant in again, kissing her gently. She let out a soft sigh into the kiss, her arms instinctively wrapping around your shoulders as she melted into your embrace, feeling a tingling starting under her skin, her head already beginning to get fuzzy.
“I do suppose that might help.” She murmured.
“I thought so.”
You playfully nipped at her lower lip before kissing her again, letting her relax into the embrace as your hands slid under her blouse, cold fingers running paths on her heated skin. She sighed into the kiss and you took the opportunity to slide your tongue into her mouth, gracefully rolling along with hers. When your hands crept upwards, gently pawing at her chest she let out a soft moan, her body melting even more into your arms.
“That’s it baby.” You cooed, your lips kissing across her jawline, finger curling under her chin to tilt her head away from you so you could trail kisses down her neck. “Just relax for me. You deserve it.”
When you nipped at her neck she let out a quiet hiss and you couldn’t help but chuckle against her skin, your hands tugging her shirt over her head before tossing it in the direction of the laundry. Her bra was quick to join it, her nipples hardening in the cool bedroom air as you kissed her again, tongue immediately slinking into her mouth. Your hands found her hips, backing her up until her back hit the wall and she let out a small ‘oof’ into the kiss, your lips curving up into a grin at the noise. You tugged on her skirt, yanking it upwards until you could feel the hem of it and you were able to bunch it up around her waist.
“Think we can get rid of these.” You murmured as your fingers slipped into the waistband of her panties, tugging them down her legs and she was quick to kick them off, her hands grasping at you to pull you back into another kiss.
Your hands slid up her body, cupping her chest, thumbs rubbing back and fourth over her nipples before pinching them. Rita broke the kiss with a gasp, her head dropping back against the wall and her hips rolling toward your body. Rather than walking her to the bed like she expected, you slotted a leg between hers, nudging your knee right against the wall so her bare cunt was right on your pant leg.
“Someone’s getting antsy…Go on, ride my thigh.”
“Fuck.” She muttered, her hands bracing on your shoulders as she ground down onto your leg, letting out a whimper as her pussy dragged across your thigh.
“That’s it,” you murmured, placing a kiss right under her ear, “grind that pretty pussy on me, I know you want to.”
Rita groaned softly, her arms tightening around your shoulders as one of your hands slunk up her body to pinch and toy with her chest again. Your lips made a home in the crook of her neck, alternating between biting, sucking and kissing at her supple skin. A shuddering breath escaped from the back of her throat when her clit pressed down onto your thigh, her body shivering as tingles started moving through her. She had already completely forgotten about work, the stressors beginning to melt away from her body the moment your lips touched her. She could feel the tension she’d been holding all week dissipating, dripping away all the way from her head to her toes to be replaced with tiny bursts of fireworks as pleasure took over her only thought process. The lazy roll of her hips was just enough to get her going, her pussy beginning to flutter around nothing as you nudged your leg harder against her.
“C’mon baby, let go. I wanna hear you, you can get louder, can’t you?” You pinched her nipples as you spoke, pulling a low swear from her before one of your hands ran down her side, wrapping around her hip and you began to guide her.
“Oh god..”
“That’s it.” You purred, nipping at her earlobe, your hand guiding her faster as you flexed your thigh, pushing her harder down onto it and she moaned again. “You like that? Hmm?” Your lips brushed against her skin, “that feel good?”
“Mmhmm.” She did her best to nod as her pulsing clit brushed against your leg, her thighs trembling around you.
“You’re so good for me.” Your thumb brushed over her nipple, flicking gently at it, “so good to me. Need to make sure you relax more often, you’re too stressed.” Your hand pressed her down onto your thigh with more pressure and she groaned right into your ear, her fingers clawing at the fabric of your shirt. “Need to play with that pretty pussy more often, don’t I? I bet you’d like that. Already struggle to keep my hands off of you, may as well play with these perfect tits before even getting out of bed.” You enunciated your words by squeezing at her chest, rolling her nipple between your finger and thumb. “Could probably start fingering you in the shower, make you nice and relaxed to start your day off? Hmm?” Your teeth scraped against the column of her neck and Rita ground down onto your thigh, her hips rocking faster now as your words egged her on.
“Fuck…”
“Yeah, I think I’d like that too, feeling your warm pussy wrapped around my fingers, always so fuckin’ wet for me, dripping down my wrist as you squeeze around me.”
Rita’s whimpering grew louder and more frequent, she could feel the wetness between her legs growing with each time you spoke, juices no doubt smearing all over your pants as she rode your thigh. Her cunt pulsed, clit swollen and needy and she had to angle her hips perfectly to get it to grind against your leg. She was starting to lose her breath, caught up in the dirty things you were saying and the pleasure coursing through her entire body. She felt a flame burning inside her, prickling under her skin as your hands toyed with her body in the utterly perfect way, you always knew the exact places to touch her to make her come completely undone.
“Course, I couldn’t let you leave the house without getting my mouth on you.” You husked and she could practically hear the smirk in your voice, her body shuddering at the thought.
“Oh god… fuck..”
“Catch you right before you’re out the door, pin you to the wall just like this.” Your thigh surged up, pressing hard against her cunt and she cried out, her body trembling in your arms, “skirts give me such good access. Just have to pull those pretty lace panties to the side and have my way with you. Be so nice to have the taste of you on my lips for the rest of the day.”
“Darling…” she panted and your hand wound around her body, cupping at her ass, squeezing hard as you urged her to move faster, “oh god…”
“I know you’re close.” You murmured, pressing kisses along her neck, nosing at her jaw to try and gain what little attention left you could, “let go for me baby. I wanna see you come.”
Rita’s nails began to dig into your back as breathless whimpers escaped her lips, her hips rolling faster and harder against your leg, guided by you, urging her on, sweet nothings whispered right into her ear as she buried herself into the crook of your neck. Heat pulsed through her, exploding in her core as she cried out, her pussy clenching down, pulsing harder than she’d expected as she hit her peak. Her head dropped back against the wall, her lips parting as she panted, her body slowly decompressed. Your hand continued to guide her hips, rocking her gently across your thigh, each drag slower and lighter than the one before.
“That’s it gorgeous.” You placed a kiss on her collarbone, your lips making a pathway up her neck until you captured her lips in a small, breathless kiss, “you’re so pretty when you’re coming for me.” Your hand cupped at her cheek while you kissed her again quickly, your thumb rubbing across her skin soothingly.
Finally your hand dropped from her ass, your knee falling from the wall to let your leg relax and your warms wound around her waist, making sure she was stable on her legs as you kissed her again.
“Christ.” She muttered, pulling a small laugh from you.
“I’ll say.” You pinched gently at her sides, guiding her gaze down towards your pant leg, “look at the mess you made.”
Rita felt a flush of heat surge into her cheeks when her eyes landed on the soaked patch of the fabric, a nearly embarrassed chuckle leaving her lips. “Sorry.”
“No need.” You laughed, leaning in to kiss her cheek, winding an arm around her waist, “seems like you really needed to get off, and I was gonna wear shorts to bed anyways.”
“Thank you.” She replied with a very satisfied sigh, finally reaching behind herself to unzip her skirt, stepping out of it as she scooped up the other pieces of discarded clothing.
“Feeling better?” You asked, following her into the walk in to swap your stained pants to a pair of shorts.
“Much.” She smiled softly at you, pulling a robe from the closet to wrap around herself and you couldn’t help but laugh as her stomach let out a growl.
“Sounds like someone worked up an appetite.” You teased, prodding at her side and she scoffed at you, “why don’t you hop in the shower and I’ll put in for some takeout.”
“Sounds perfect.” She leant in, kissing you gently as she squeezed at your hand, a look in her eyes that you knew all too well, “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
________
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klausysworld · 2 years ago
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The fact that I can't freaking find more Sub!Klaus pisses me the fuck off. Like why the fuck won't people write more about sub!Klaus? Literally this man needs to be spoiled and loved by somebody. (That somebody could be us, but I can keep on dreaming.)
Anyhow, I ranted a bit.
But, can you please write where Klaus girlfriend is really rich because she owns tattoo/piercing shops, restaurants, clothing stores, and more. The reader takes Klaus to one of her tattoo shops because she had appointments and he didn't want to leave her side and he was behaving and when she was done she took him out to eat and spoiled him.
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She would do absolutely anything for him
(Third person)
Klaus wasn’t sure how he had gotten so lucky. He had someone that loved him so incredibly much without a doubt. She never once put him down or shamed him for his past actions.
He found himself shy when around her and a blushing mess whenever she gave him gifts. When she took him out and spoiled him rotten. When she told him how pretty he looked and adorable he was.
Sometimes he struggled to handle all the kindness, it wasn’t something he received often and he had ran from love from centuries and so to be given so much without having to give anything back was…well at first it was terrifying but now it was all he wanted.
His heart beats for her, for her touch and her words, anything she will offer him. It wouldn’t matter if she were the richest or the poorest, he would always adore her.
He was originally unaware of quite how much money she had, how many places she owned until he had complimented her restaurants and she laughed lightly and told him it was hers, and when he asked where she had her tattoo done and she told him her friend did it at her shop.
Even Rebekah shopped with her company for her outfits and had her hair done with her workers.
She was very well known and well respected.
Sometimes Klaus felt intimidated by it but how could he with how much she loved him? With how much she gave him?
“It’s okay Niklaus, if you would like something you can have it” she told him watching his eyes stare longingly at the antiques behind the glass. “You own this shop too?” He asked surprised “Well no, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get you it”
And there were many occasions similar. She was always wanting to give him things, take him places.
He found that he would always be with her, he always wanted to be touching her, at least me in her presence.
He couldn’t have been more happy the first few times he had gone with her to some of her jobs, watching and learning how to make different things and seeing her in her element. Seeing her be so professional and commanding she could be only stirred that feeling inside him further. He just wanted to be hers.
So when she told him she had been called into work and would be back later he was upset
“Can’t i come with you?” He asked confused
“Well it’s a tattoo shop Nik, you gotta be good and stay say for a really long time” she told him
“I can do that, I’ll behave I promise” he pleaded, his arms clinging to her and his eyes big “please, I won’t even make a sound”
She smiled softly down at him as she sighed dramatically “fine, I suppose you can come”
If he had a tail it would be wagging as he beamed at her and nodded convincingly
“Are we going now? Can we go now?” He asked as he quickly pulled his jacket on
“We won’t be going anywhere if you trip on your own two feet” she chuckled as he rushed around to find his things.
Once at the tattoo parlour he was sat patiently in his chair and browsing through the tattoo designs and glancing up every now and then to see his love at work. Seeing her make up the designs herself and then ink them onto people was mesmerising.
He searched his way through the sketches she had in several of her ‘ideas books’ from the years until he found one that spoke to him most.
He waited until she was on her break and came up to her with the sandwich he had gotten her
“Y/n?” He murmured somewhat nervously. She took the food from him with a smile and hummed in question
“What is it my love?”
His face blushed in response and his nerves eased
“I was wondering if um…if I could get one?” He asked quietly.
“Get what honey? You didn’t get yourself a sandwich?” She questioned looked up at him in concern
“N-no no i meant a tattoo” he muttered shyly
“Oh” she blinked at him for a second as a smile pulled at her lips “of course you can, do you want to make your own design or find one?”
“Actually I already picked one, it’s yours” he told her as he brought the page he loved to her. She looked it over and then him
“It’s perfect for you, you know where you would like it? I can have one of my workers do it now while i finish the other one”
“But…I want you to do it” he whispered
“Of course…okay, we can come back tomorrow?” She offered and he nodded
“Can you help me pick where to get it?”
“Course I can, I’ll sketch it up for you again incase you want any changes made okay?”
He smiled brightly as he nodded and went back to studying the way her hands moved as she did her job.
Some time later she had finally finished and he nearly picked her up to get her out of the door
“I told you it would be boring” she reminded as he groaned and stretched his legs
“No, it was fun” he convinced smiling at her
“Oh really? Which part was so fun hm?” She challenged and his eyes blushed as he glanced to her hands. He had accidentally payed a little too much attention to them earlier on and had to go sort himself out in the bathroom. Her brows raised as she followed his eye line and she smirked at him
“Oh I see” she hummed and his heart sped up “well perhaps we can make your little fantasies real after hm?”
His brows furrowed as he looked up to her eyes
“After what?”
“You didn’t think you’d have to sit still for all that time without a reward?” She questioned and he lit up
“Reward?”
“Mhm, we’re going out for dinner” she told him watching him attempt to hide his smile
“Where?” He asked quietly
“Wherever you like, doesn’t matter, I’ll get us in” she promised and he grinned
They got in without any hassle and were given their table by the window overlooking the city with the stars lighting it up and the dim candles that burned above their table to keep them company.
She convinced him to order whatever he wanted, watching his frown grow when he looked to all the prices
“I’ll pay” he told but his efforts were pointless
“No you won’t, this is my treat for you” she told him
“But-“
“No. Why can’t I spend money on you but you can on me?” She questioned
“Because…well you earn your money…I just have it because of who I am…you don’t need to be invincible, you work hard and I shouldn’t take advantage of that” he uttered softly
“But that’s why i love to spend it on you so much, because you are worth every penny. You deserve it, all of it” she told him, her hand holding his face “you will always be given the best” she promised.
She watched him struggle to form any words as his blush heated his face and neck, his heart pounding and his eyes soft
“Don’t worry Niklaus, you don’t need to fear it, just accept it…eat your food yes?” She hummed bringing the fork to his mouth with a grin seeing his embarrassment as he ate what she bed him with a bright red face
“At this rate I’ll have to feed you everything myself, I’ve never seen you so flustered” she told him teasingly as she continued to guide the food to him.
“I can do it myself” he whispered, his eyes darting to check nobody was watching him
“Don’t be paranoid Nik, you’re safe with me” she reminded, her thumb stroking his jaw “Please don’t shy away from me” she pressed and he nodded softly
“I’m sorry” he murmured
“Don’t be, you’re perfect” she told him, kissing his lips softly but rather quickly leaving him whining for more the rest of the evening.
Even in the car ride back he was upset with her lack of physical affection
“You always want to give me kisses” he whined
“Mhm and you always scrunch your face up” she reminded and he frowned
“No I don’t…”
“Yes…”
“Please…just one more”
“Just one”
And with that his lips were on hers, if he only got one then he would make sure it was the longest and most passionate kiss possible.
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vividvivvy · 11 months ago
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HER-Chase Atlantic
“Satoru! Come onnnn! You walk so incredibly slow!” The tall white haired man was being drug around multiple different stores by a young girl, maybe 19, that he had met just earlier that day at a small coffee shop. 
“You know you sure do zone out quite a bit Satoru.” She stopped rushing for a minute and looked back at Gojo. “You're such an airhead! It’s so cute!” Her pause was short lived though as she went back to pulling him into another over priced designer store. 
"Woah, shes high fashioned. Took me to the back room in Chanel so we could smash and, everything is Louis V and Louis V her casket”
Gojo was sitting across from her at a table, watching her eat her overpriced mall food. He had food of his own of course, but he hadn’t touched it since they had sat down. To caught up with the sweet thing across from him. 
“Oh Satoruuuu~ If you keep staring a hole through my head your foods gonna get all cold and grosssss~” she spoke playfully as she pointed her fork at him and laughed. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything quite as amazing as the way she looks when she laughs. 
“Yeah yeah, I’m going” He chucked along with her, finally picking up his fork to eat. “About time! I was starting to think you’d gone and fallen in love with me!” She laughed again, and Gojo gave a light snort along with her. 
“Well that would be no good would it?”
“But boy don’t go falling in love. You can’t stay with me. All you’ll ever have is one day with me.”
He watched her run around in the parking lot, it was sprinkling, the light rain slowly soaking her clothes but she didn’t have a care in the world, giggling and spinning in careless circles. 
“Satoru! Come dance with me!” 
His heart and brain stopped for a minute. Dance with her? He doesn’t know if he can handle that one. 
“I don’t know about that one? Dancing in a busy parking lot? Doesn’t sound like the safest bet” He smiled at her as she pouted and whined about how he was boring and that it was perfectly safe.
It wasn’t safe for his fast beating heart though.
“I’m getting feelings that I didn’t before. And all I wanna do is just stay with her. But I know all I have is one say with her”
“Oh wow, the time has really gotten ahead of us hasn’t It?” She nodded to the lit up radio of his expensive black car. His eyes followed down to the clock. “Already almost five o'clock. Damn” Gojo’s voice was followed by a sigh. 
“you ok big guy?” her voice came from the passenger seat, concern laced her tone. 
“All good princess”
"With no perception of time, its almost quarter-to-five”
“So, wanna hang out again sometime? I had a really good time with you today, felt like we spent ages together” He spoke hesitantly as they drove down the empty late night roads, one hand on the wheel and the other resting on her thigh.
Her voice replied just as hesitantly “Ummm…” she paused for a minute, before a sigh escaped her “I don’t think I really can if I’m being totally honest..” 
“Oh.” both of his hands were back on the wheel
“I could live forever in a day with her. I don’t wanna live it if it ain’t with her. I could go up to outer space with her. All I need is one more day with her”
The car was stopped outside of a large, expensive looking, modern style house. Her house.
“Listen Y/n I just, I did have a lot of fun today… I know you don’t wanna see me again but I honestly think…” 
She was staring at him, her eyes told him she knew what was coming and she didn’t want to hear it. 
“Goodnight princess”
“Night Satoru”
“Ooh, she’s always been running from love. ‘Cause daddy didn’t give her enough”
That night Gojo sent a text he never saw himself sending, especially not after just one day with a girl who was just out to spend his money.
“I think I fell in love with you today” 
Read 4:13 am
“All I need is one more day with her”
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starsunfirelight · 17 days ago
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Thoughts about the election.
First off all, let me tell you that I am not surprised. It took an incredible amount of my effort to vote for Kamala, because she reminded me so much of my mother. And Trump, now that I see it, reminds me of my father. Maybe of me, back when I was idealistic and starry eyed and had no clue what I was being subjected to. Anyways, I feel like I might be one of the few people on this planet earth uniquely qualified to tell you what’s going on. So let me do that.
But first, a quick disclaimer
My dad's the one who told me to vote for Kamala in the first place. He told me trump was being dumb and racist, while I was being a dumb idiot 😭 So the comparisons aren't quite exact.
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Like yeah obviously Trump does this. Trump isn't a good person? Bruh that's like saying the sky is blue. Sure, the sky might be closer to cyan, and Trump might do a tiny bit of good, but really? Really? hopefully you get my point here
But also, look at Kamala.
CAP Action
@CAPAction
Kamala Harris: "As a prosecutor I never asked a victim or a witness, are you a Republican or a Democrat? The only thing I ever asked to them, are you okay?" That's leadership. #Debate2024
In my mind, Joe Biden would never say that. And yet...
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He shows his kindness and camaraderie through his actions.
Actions speak loader than words.
So you're saying all politicians are evil?? Yeah, we knew that, duh
I mean, not necessarily, but like even if so, there are MUCH better politicians out there. That's what I'm trying to tell you.
Like Kamala if she spoke her heart and didn't just listen to her team. Maybe then. She's got a good heart and is reasonable about things. Just not like this.
(I kinda make the assumption that Kamala is evil but actually it might be her team's fault... :O like Trump! he's just dumb, it's his team that's evil! but he's also racist too... eh different issue)
Kamala = foiled by money
Trump = foiled by being out of touch/dumb/emotions/just not being a good person, though I believe he could be (that's dangerous, kids 😭) (don't be like 'I can fix him' if you trying to do that is going to get you killed 😭) (plus not everyone wants to be fixed, and saying that you're going to 'fix' them is actually really messed up)
So here's the rest of the post.
Harris = animal farm
Trump = 1984 (we kind already lived that way before trump was elected, and maybe this is a break from that?)
Which dystopia do YOU wanna live in? (:
That’s the election for you.
Well, in actuality, things are not quite that simple. (Trump could be animal farm too, or something worse, or something different, but you knew that, right?) With Harris, things would have stayed mostly the same, and maybe incrementally got better. Over a really long period of time. But Americans wanted real change. They wanted it now. (America is famously impatient, as you know with how they treated climate change and the whole "do it now and push off the consequences for later" thing). They were tired of not being able to understand complicated things, and were tired of “oh, you don’t understand it? That just means I’m better than you, stupid.” or “you don’t understand it? That means you’re racist.” and if they weren’t before, then they were more inclined to be now. It’s polarization, radicalization, on both sides. Us vs them. Yea disney has been trying to be inclusive, like they have been in the past, but now they are doing it because they are an evil corporate hegemony and want the most clicks. Or it's an obligation, which ties back to... more clicks. Sure, some people care, but representation is best done because you’re not fussed about it-- that’s your friend, and that’s all there is to it. There should be no “incentive” or it feels unfair and high key ingenuine (almost like a racist parody, which would actually be more inclusive in that case)* and offensive. People get to be in power just because of their race, and even if there is a historical reason, I don’t care the movie is bad. It’s an excuse to be the bully with everyone feeling like a socially ostracized villain for saying anything at all. That’s why people hate Kamala. They knew she wasn’t for the people and this was just an ego trip for herself and she was acting so smug because she thought people had no choice but to vote for her. Well tough luck.
Like SNL’s version was better than the real dry and humorless real person. I feel like I could see it in Maya’s face, “I hate you, and I don’t quite understand you, but I’ve got to grit and bear this because I want you to win this election, just like everyone around me because no diverse opinions are allowed here, right?” Like how much do you wanna bet Kamala's own team was racist, against her, and didn't want her to succeed? Just like Olivia Rodrigo (poor girl needs a better team 😭) (but also this is just my suspicion) (she also isn't standing up for herself.. that's a whole other thing, for another time). But like also Kamala is extremely unlikable. People hate humble braggers THE MOST out of everyone on planet earth. Trust me, I used to act just like that, like, to the dot. Then I spent a really long time trying to figure out "why doesn't anyone like me 🥺☹️" but now I know. It's strictly because I wasn't being myself. If you are, then at least someone is going to like you, already does, and the rest of everyone will at least respect you. Or they don't matter, because you have the back of everyone who does like you, for who you are. Just give them common decency like every human being deserves, and be willing to change your mind. Basically, you need to be able to have a sense of humor, (not copying, what actually makes you laugh), and be open about that. That's it. (if they don't like you it's ok, not everyone will and that's how you know you're a real one)
But Kamala showing up on SNL was a power move. She showed up there "hm. my team tells me people like 'me' on SNL.' " (YEAH CUZ MAYA RUDOLPH IS ACTUALLY FUNNY, RESPECTFUL, AND KIND UNLIKE YOU who just follows a script and tells everyone what they wanna hear, or what you think they wanna hear/what your team tells you to say and that's it. Like logan paul's sad excuse of an apology. Like Miranda sings. You think you can manipulate us?????? Just like Trump????? Like she was acting so much like Trump in the debate, it's crazy. I thought we agreed that acting like that.... was bad? 🤨)
But anyways. She thought "Let me go on SNL because my team tells me it's popular and then people will like me more." smh clout chaser.
She totally showed up Maya Rudolph 😭 like think about how they're going to feel 😭 maybe I'm wrong on this...
She's not cool like Obama. Arguably, Trump is. Showing up to SNL was the "plan" and not something she was excited to do out of the kindness of her heart, with the bonus it could have the benefit of getting to show people her personality. Tim Walz killed it on that front. He's a teacher. He's your dad, that you used to have years ago. He genuinely wants to connect with the youth, and help people. He used to be a teacher, and is now a governor. We get him. We trust him. He's likable. He's cool. (yeah could be biased here and not seeing the other side, but that's just the impression I get from what I've seen.)
No. She just wanted more votes. Maybe a little ego boost of "woo! people like me here!" *insert her laugh here* as a small plus. um, sorry if I'm being racist or something, but also like I said, I'm kinda biased because of me and my mother, but you don't understand just how hard it has been to convince people that my mom isn't nice even though she may appear to be. Maybe some of you do. I'm sorry. I just hope you can see my point. even if just a little :/ im sorry 😭
Having humor and being personable like Trump requires great understanding of the people, and he has far more connection to the people than she and her party ever did this election cycle. Everyone hates the teacher who takes things way too seriously, but loves the class clown, right? They were just hoping for power and control, and hoping that this “hostage situation” as the Times called it would pay off. They were trying to control us, not exactly help us. Help enough so that they still get to have control. At least Trump was honest about who he was. He does care about the people (even rich people, at least he was honest about that), even if he’s stupid, and the people could see that. He has charisma and you need that if you want to gain the respect of other world leaders. He’s too stupid to see he’s being manipulated, but I have hope that if he has someone that he trusts and is willing to listen, and share their expertise with them, we might be able to avoid some stuff. But if not, he’s like me. I see myself in him. I see my parents and like the general sentiment of the public in him too. He doesn’t understand, doesn’t trust anyone to understand, and is about to learn the hard way why everyone does things the way that they have been. But also, I’ve got this feeling that he is right about some things. Like in the debate, he accepted that he was going to lose, “why are you looking at me funny, I’m right.” (he didn’t know he was wrong), so he shifted and started talking about something he knew very well, and had evidence to back him up. He did a good thing, and he was like “y’all better not mess this up, I’m warning you now.” (I’m talking about how he dealt with Afghanistan, and even if it’s bad, it kinda worked short term?) And you could really see that leadership quality in him, and the confidence to know what he is talking about. He wasn’t there to appease the largest group of people possible. He was there to speak his honest mind. Like Bernie. We should have elected Bernie…
That’s why Kamala failed, her team carefully controlled her, when Trump’s team is genuinely helping him win and is appeasing to his emotions. It's a different type of control that lets Trump be himself, and also super confident (he doesn’t know he is wrong.) And if the people didn’t know he was wrong, his argument looks really convincing. (Cue me, super dumb, and me before I learned about the debate. I thought the whole cat thing was real because of one wildly misrepresented clip on tiktok 😭) It’s super easy to believe misinformation because of the fact that it’s so hard to combat. Especially since the social media algorithms designed by execs that care about making the most money as possible while not losing their customer base straight up designed it so people stay on the platform as long as possible, which encourages misinformation. and no room for thinking your own thoughts, because everything goes so fast and the stupid herd mentality that’s in practically EVERYTHING. It’s so bad. 
So please extend a hand out to people you disagree with, and try to maybe see where they’re coming from. When Harris said “we’re not going back”, it felt like a kid losing the ability to go to his favorite toy store, just because he threw a tantrum once. “I swear I’ll be on my best behavior, mama 🥺 😭” (what she really should have said was “working towards a better future, different from how it is now” but she didn’t because she didn’t want that/believe in that cuz she likes how it is now, even if the people hate her for it -_-)
People do want to go back.
I think that’s true, on both sides. The people want unity and kindness, and not have to be gaslighted in every direction. Gay people don’t want to be gaslighted into thinking they’re not. Straight people don’t want to be gaslighted into thinking they’re not. People don’t want to be ostracized for being true to themselves. Trans people (a reeeeeally small fraction of the population) want to be treated like normal people, and parents don’t want their clearly not trans kid to be constantly gaslighted into thinking they could be. (the case they really are trans is a case of mental illness, and trans people will tell you that they don’t wish that mental illness on anyone who isn’t truly suffering from it already.) I know you think I’m being racist here, or that doesn’t happen, but peer pressure is real, and it would probably have benefit the movement to just have representation sometimes and to not make it so public. Because people want stability, they want to see that they can be themselves without having to fit into this certain box. People can act a certain way and IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THEY ARE TRANS. And the ones who really are and have been are, and I cannot stress this enough, an extremely small portion of the population, and have been struggling with a mental illness so bad it’s either this or basically die, at that point, in their lives. They really had to fight for it back when it wasn't cool so you know they're being serious.
People want gender equality, and not being forced to sit in a box one way or another. That used to be the case. Boys and girls could do basically anything and they wouldn't get made fun of because that was the norm (I'm talking boys with long hair and more feminine clothes, the color pink, girls in short hair and being sporty, girls can already do a lot cuz ww2 maybe? idk like this is a whole thing)
“Oh, I’m calling you she/he because labels don’t really matter to me, I’m gonna treat you the same. I see blue, I’m going to say blue. I have eyes.”
“Oh, I don’t care how you call me because I see that gender is completely made up-”
“Exactly!”
“So I can be anything I want.”
“😐…” “But, isn’t it convenient to just accept your default one, then? I mean, we’re going to treat you the same regardless. It makes the mental gymnastics so much easier, and we can accommodate you for the tiny differences that do exist when they come up. Because it’s important to not ignore reality too.”
“But I wanna ignore reality 😭 I grew up in a world where I could customize myself however I want, and I wanna do the same in real life too 😭 plus I really DO get more respect if I change “boxes” because I get called ‘trans’ for acting like myself, so much so that I caved into peer pressure, and it’s easier this way…”
“So then aren’t you keeping up gender norms, rather than defying them?”
“I mean, ”
mental gymnastics = trying to figure out just how misogynist/not misogynist I should treat you aka you're maybe being mean here or you're just confused and you're trying, bottom line just call them what they want to be called and don't be mean to people
if girl/boy then you can relate to me, I have trauma and am scared of one of them, idk could be sad like that too 😞
it's entirely possible for two people to look the same and also maybe act the same but one's a boy and the other's a girl, that's just how life works
need more representation of that very fact? could solve everything
And that’s where I’m going to cut off this conversation because I don’t know if it’s fair and it might (probably does) need more input. I’m willing to hear more people out on this, but please know this comes from me trying to learn about it as much as I can, and hopefully not out of ignorance. Please let me know if there’s something I don’t get here.
Basically we all just want to stop making it be ok to say that you are gay/trans for attention. On both, no, all sides.
Maybe what I described isn’t true for some people, but I think it is true for the vast majority (just my personal view from what I’ve seen, could be wrong though) and that’s what our parents see. They’re upset, because they love us. They don’t see a reason to change, because they love us. (I mean some people are racist and what not but I don’t think it’s fair to assume that of like half of America. You get bad stuff that way, like I said before!! :( ) Even if they are racist, it’s because of bias and personal experiences, just like how some women hate men. See? The issue is similar on both sides. (I know that sounds bad, but please hear me out here 😭) And it’s become this way because of the massive polarization, and how no one is willing to talk to each other. Like Kamala,
“I’m not gonna compromise on my morals”
Trump supporters
“I’m not gonna stand for being accused of being racist”
YOU FOOLS, YOU BOTH WANT THE SAME EXACT THING!!!!! 🤦
this leads to
Trump himself
"alright, I'll just be racist anyways since you really seem to think I am"
So you see, that’s my gripe with America right now. I kinda feel more free now because
No insurrection or something worse
Things ARE going to change, we can be sure of that. It's a lot easier to say "hey, look. that's a big scary monster, it's bad, and going to eat us. we have to do something about it NOW." rather than trying to fight an invisible monster, where you first have time to convince everyone that the monster exists in. the first place, and then convince them to do something about it NOW. People have been trying to tell us for ages, America just sees the problem now. for what it is. hopefully. this time, it's gonna happen, right? 😭 no. that's the wrong attitude. If we want change, WE have to be the ones to make it happen.
The vibe has shifted to be more open minded, almost immediately (even thought it was out of fear, yeah, see how that feels?????)
Can we go back to something that’s similar to the 90’s? Because that’s what everyone (me) wants, and our parents see it too. It might happen the same way poor people benefit by not having technology simply because they can’t afford it, so they are more creative, but also happy because they don’t have to worry about it too. like no missing out or whatever, less choice and more forced to do it
It really is that darn phone.
Young people were so tired of not getting a voice and thinking they were completely subject to what the people at the media corps wanted. 
Not anymore.
*to do a parody right, it means you really have to get to know the person, so it's actually inclusive ironically enough. also you treat them as an equal and not some tiny weak little creature that needs to be protected and deserves special privileges. people who think they deserve special privileges? there's a word for that. it's called entitlement, you know, the thing they shame trump for being.
yea I guess a lot of the things they accuse trump for doing, they are just showing a reflection of themselves :\
(could be super wrong there, and I'm sorry)
parodys are done out of love, corporate disney films these days are NOT (always).
Can’t make fun of kamala it just doesn’t hit
Memes feel forced
Trump couldn't even do it?? Like you need a defining personality trait to get made fun of for it.
It also has to be ok to make fun of them too.
So yeah. The people can feel that. And now America is going to feel it too.
(I'm really sorry for being mean 😭)
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jodilin65 · 34 years ago
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SUNDAY, JUNE 30, 1991 I told Ma all about what’s been happening when she called last night. She says I should be getting a package soon and also, she won’t be up till September.
I touched base with Tammy too, about what’s been going on with me, and her as well.
Before I write about the band, Maliheh, and the warts, I’ll update what else has been happening. First, I’m ticked off at Andy for delaying my money which I’ll probably get in the next few days. Now, as you know, I get paid on the 1st of each month and I make so little, so I can always use the money. What angers me is how he had me believing I’d get the money at the end of the month when I’m totally broke. He tried calling the night before last but I had stepped out to get cigarettes. He’d better call soon and tell me what the hell’s going on.
I finally heard from Hank about a week ago who was in the hospital, and tried to reach Jenny and Jai about coming up. Jai’s seen the place, of course, but I have not seen Jenny in ages and I miss her. She’s so sweet.
Last night I spoke to Steve who’s going to Chicago to see his two boys but will be back July 8th. I told Steve I was tired of waiting for Jessie to either call about visiting and bringing my bathing suits up or mailing them. Steve said he’d get the suits for me. She’s had these suits for over a year now.
Later…
I took time out to cook a pork chop with applesauce and I chatted with Kim. I also called and spoke with Jai and Jenny who seem to be doing well. They’re coming to see me within the next couple of weeks.
After my checks for the rent, gas, phone, and electricity clear, I’m going to close my checking account with SIS. When I say “gas” bill, that means the heat. I thought that the AC bill was that same bill, too, but I guess not. I thought they were the same bill cuz they come from the same place. There are 5 8” vents in this whole huge place. Can you imagine that? Those 5 tiny vents do a fine job, though, considering how big this place is. It’s definitely not 1200 square feet either. Kim’s is, but this one is 1400 square feet for sure.
I mailed the pictures Dad took to Tammy who was quite impressed when she saw them. Who wouldn’t be?
Anyway, as far as the AC goes, it goes on the electric bill.
I have just begun to get a tan. Of course, I have a very long way to go, but at least my hair is finally down to my waist. It isn’t in the finest condition, but I’d rather have long dead hair, rather than short healthy hair.
I did a little bit of rearranging here today. Nothing major, but the usual swapping things around I do every month or two.
It’s amazing how I’ve been up in the daytime, have had fewer all-nighters here, and today it was so cool and dry. I got up at noon and it was somewhat overcast till almost 4:00. Today was a far cry better than the 3 days we had before. It was 100º and incredibly humid. Keeping the central air on was a must. You couldn’t even breathe outside and there was no way I was going to tan. Lying on that blacktop will scorch you well enough.
Shortly after I got up, I vacuumed out the stairwell and played with Shadow for hours. God, is he ever getting huge. He’s up to 12 pounds now. Last night, just as the sun was going down, I opened the door downstairs, put him on his leash and basically ran around like a kid.
It’s so nice to sit there and feel the cool air with a great breeze and drink coffee or smoke cigarettes. I did that tonight too, and it still feels so beachy. Even Jai agreed when he was here that he felt like he was on Long Island Sound.
Ok, time to tell the wart story now. I decided I would follow up with it so Kim took me to the GYN Dr. Leitch referred me to. Before we went she said, “Maybe you can will them away.”
I laughed and she then said, “Well, I’ve seen the things you can do.”
So, of course, anyone would wish they could make it go away in a blink of an eye, but I was surprised after the pelvic exam. When the doctor. finished he said he knew Dr. Leitch to be a good doctor, but that I had no warts. At first, I was pissed at Dr. Leitch for having me terrified for nothing till I realized he is only human. Humans do make mistakes and he did bring my asthma under control. I figured it’s better to end up having been scared for nothing, rather than a valid reason.
Kim insists I willed it away. Maybe I did do something, maybe not. I sure still wish I could will away the cigarettes as I did with the Navane.
I’m going to listen to music now but will be back next month which is in half an hour.
FRIDAY, JUNE 28, 1991 The last few days have been really weird. Yeah, I willed my warts away, met a woman I’m finally attracted to, made a prank call, and got in a band.”
I at least think I got into a band. I should know tomorrow night for sure.
Since I mentioned North Star, I’ll write about my trip to Pearl St. I thought North Star was so fancy. Pearl St. is even fancier. Kim and I planned to go last Saturday when we went to North Star. Pearl St. is only gay Wednesday nights.
First, as I figured, that girl who looked like Gloria never called. Secondly, Mark gave me The Advocate with an ad in a local town called Montague looking for a female vocalist. Mark was also telling me how he reads the person-to-personals just for kicks. I do, too. There are several amazing and humorous ads. My eye caught one that seemed ok, so I left a message and my number on this answering system you call and punch in the code for that particular ad. It’s better than that 900-line thing as it’s more discreet. Only Tanya, the girl I left the message for, hears my message. Unless you leave a message for anyone on the main line. I’d forgotten all about it till she called the next evening and we spoke for 20 minutes or so and she said that she too was to be at Pearl St. on Wed. The night before we were to meet, she called me and we spoke for almost two hours. I was very impressed, but when I met her, as usual, I was not attracted to her. She wasn’t a major butch, but again, not at all appealing. Her body was so-so but her hair and face did nothing for me. She was very nice though, but I had to be honest and tell her that I had to be attracted both inside and outside.
To me, being attracted on the inside, but not the outside, is like eating a raw steak. It’s a half-assed ordeal.
Then, I noticed a girl with nice long hair who was sitting with two obvious lesbians. Even though this girl had beautiful hair, her face was so-so and the dress she wore was hideous. I was out to be friendly anyway. When I approached the 3 of them and said my name, one girl said, “Does this work for you? I mean, I always wanted to be able to just walk up to a woman myself.”
I told them, no it doesn’t work as they’re either straight, gay and taken or gay and not interested. They laughed and I went back to where Kim and Tanya were sitting.
SUNDAY, JUNE 23, 1991 Well, I have decided to call about that thing I last wrote about. After discussing it with Mom and Tammy who say it’s common and doesn’t hurt I figured I should get it over with. Whether I’m having sex or not, it’s time I end the itching, burning, bloated feeling I always have.
I spoke with Andy who’s still enjoying Phoenix but can’t stand the people.
Last night was pretty amazing. Kim and I went to a gay bar called North Star Seafood since Pearl St. is only gay on Wed. nights. Bill’s boyfriend Arthur told me about it and that it’s a restaurant in the daytime but at night it’s a gay women’s bar. It was small as Kim said it was but very fancy. It makes the Pub look like a dive. Sure there were several butches in there but there were a few that were ok.
The first one I spoke to was about a 5 but she said she was straight. The next one was an 8 with nice waist-length hair, tall, and wore an awesome outfit. She never said whether she was gay or straight, but she did tell me she sells jewelry and was traveling the east coast from San Francisco.
Then, right before we left, man did I get the shock of my life. She was a perfect 10 and Gloria to a T!! Except that her face didn’t really look like Gloria’s, but it was still beautiful. I mean, she was gorgeous! If I saw her from behind I’d think she was Gloria. She had long dark curly hair, dark skin and eyes, and a nice body. She wore a black dress such as Gloria would wear.
She walked to the payphone and I followed and I told her how I recently moved and was meeting new people and how I felt like the only feminine gay woman in the world and that she was gorgeous. She hugged me and said she was married with 3 kids but was bi. Also, she told me she was really flattered and she really did seem it. She was just so friendly and I gave her my name and number. Of course, I know not to expect her to call me as God surely knows I’m attracted to her, but it’s so nice to see another feminine woman who’s gay or bi. Maybe they do really exist here and there other than in Spfld.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 19, 1991 Yesterday turned out to be a horrible day. I didn’t go grocery shopping, nor did I tan. Instead, I ended up at Dr. Leitch’s office as I no longer could stand my sinus problem. My nose was swollen and tingling. The pressure in my head was too much as well as the hot flashes. Also, I was still itchy and red and had discharges down below. So, he said this time he’d try a very strong antibiotic and that I may need a few rounds of it. As for down below, well, he took a swab to send that to the lab and they’ll let me know, but get this - I have warts. I said I was gay and hadn’t been with many people or for very long. He said it may or may not be sexually transmitted. He said it could be caused by too much moisture. Also, my being with a woman will make my chances of serious diseases practically zero. Diseases like aids, syphilis or gonorrhea, but a person could have a virus in their mouth or on their finger and not even know it. Meanwhile, he says I need to see a GYN and they burn them and it’s not painful and it takes only 10 minutes. He said it’s not serious, but that I’ve had it for a while and it could get worse.
I’m still debating on whether or not to see a GYN as I have had it a long time, so how much worse can it get? Also, I planned never to be with anyone again cuz of not getting anyone I’m really attracted to. Nor do I want to go through the hassle and stress of being with someone even part-time.
I was right about those suspicions I’ve had for so long. Whether I have sex with a male or a female it’s like it’s a sin for me. Maybe not for some people, but it seems that way for me it is. I’ve always felt I would be punished and I was right. All the more reason I will never have sex again for sure. I have definitely resigned for life.
I called Tammy and she had that procedure done too and she said she was terrified at first, but it didn’t hurt at all. She told me they don’t even need to go in and that they just put a topical medication on the outer lips and you feel a very slight burning sensation and that’s all. She told me that after Becky was born she had a lot of bleeding and that all the moisture is what caused it. She told me not to blame Brenda, though, as it may be from the moisture of the discharges I’ve had or if Brenda did have a virus, she may not have known. I still have to think about it, though, and I also have other things to write about that are on my mind, but I’ll do it later.
TUESDAY, JUNE 18, 1991 I’ll not write too long as I’d like to try to go back to sleep soon. I had a fairly productive day today and finally got my food stamps. I got a few things to hold me over until tomorrow night when I go to Food Fart with Kim. However, I’m dying for my coffee!
I received the pictures in the mail today that Dad took of the place when he was here. They came out well. I also got some pictures of Tammy, Bill, and the girls. The girls look fantastic but Tammy looked like she was sick that day.
It’s funny how Tammy’s had the same hairstyle for years and always wears the same clothes while I’m so into variety. Kim told Dad what most people would agree on. When she comes over here she never knows what my hair’s gonna look like or what I’ll be wearing.
Hank called a few hours ago. He was in the hospital as I suspected. He had a valve in his heart closed.
Another thing is, if a phone you’re using has call forwarding, you could check for that if you know how. By pressing 72# and if you get a busy signal, you’d know that phone didn’t have it. You couldn’t check for call-waiting unless you were talking to someone and it beeped. Then you’d know if it was on the line. 3-way calling, you don’t have to check for or be familiar with to figure it out. For example, if you call 411 to get a number, then hit the receiver to make a call, you get an instant dial tone if it didn’t have it. If it did, it beeps 3 times, then you’d get a steady dial tone.
The last time I spoke with Ma, she had mentioned the “extras” and I told her, I didn’t have any “extras.” Well, of course, I do not have call-waiting or call-forwarding and I never intend to get them. I don’t need them. However, I’d hate to live without 3-way calling, which I got a month or so after I moved here. So, after I told Ma I didn’t have any extras she goes, “Mhm,” in a tone of voice as if to say, “You’re full of shit.” After I hung up from her was when I realized that Dad probably caught that when he was using the phone to call Ma with his calling card.
Of course, what it all comes down to once again, is I’m an adult so I’ll have on my line whatever I damn please.
Later…
Well, it looks like I’m going to be up for a while, so I might as well continue with the past. First of all, it was through Crystal that I met Mary D and I’ve already gone through her story.
Mike, I met after Al L, but I don’t remember his last name. Al, as I’ve already stated many journals ago, was the most hideous creature of all 6 guys I slept with. Jessie, Steve and Andy also agree, he is a pitiful person as well. Only Ron and Al out of the 6 guys, were for more than one night. Al wasn’t for too many nights, though, and I’ll never miss him. It’s no wonder he was so insecure and had been alone for years before I met him. His attitude was sick and pathetic. So rude and negative and I’ve never seen someone so eager to cut a person down. He was so downgrading. And he really thought in his mind that he was a wonderful person. In the end, I didn’t lose him. He lost me and if I had ever run into him in public, I’d spit on his face and walk away.
Mike, I met through these two brothers, Jim and Joe P. Jim’s the one who had a band and so did Joe till Joe had personal problems and Jim went into business. Jim owned a cleaning service for a while and I worked for him. This was when I first moved back to Woodside Terrace. While still on Oswego St., though, Mike was a roommate of Jim’s who I had a one-nighter with. He honestly told me up front he had a girlfriend, and I didn’t want a relationship with a guy. Of course, if I met him today, I wouldn’t sleep with him any more than I would with a butch. I’d sleep with no one if I could not get a decent enough woman. Mike was very friendly and very gentle and I’d probably have been very attracted to him if I was straight. When he first came over we talked, had coffee and agreed on only oral sex. He did a nice job down there.
Next, I’ll write about Tammy W, then Andy and Jessie, but I think I’ll go take a shower now. Then I may walk down to the coffee shop at Cumberland’s. Later, I’ll also have to go talk to that guy at the Chowder House about a part-time job there.
Later…
I am now in this little breakfast place that sort of reminds me of Dunkin Donuts. God only knows I don’t miss Springfield, although, I wish there was a Food Mart close by. Soon, I’m gonna go back home and try to catch some sleep, then get up to go to the Chowder House.
Later…
It’s amazing how friendly the people were to me at the breakfast place. I mean the man and the woman that worked there today and yesterday when I was there. I told them how I talked to this guy at a seafood place (the Chowder House) about a job as I simply need the extra money. So desperately that I’d even work 4-5 days. Especially since I see I’ll never be a singer and have been living on that dream for 25 years that seemed so real and so destined it had me fooled for so long. For 25 years. They told me to speak to the owners in the afternoon hours if the Chowder House doesn’t fall through.
I think it will, though, as I already met with Bob who’s the owner of the Chowder House and we discussed it and he showed me around. It’s small but nice and from what he tells me and these two girls tell me, the tips are good.
Those two girls, Tina and Kathy are so nice. This town amazes me. Especially Kathy, who I think might be gay, even though she says she’s married and hates her husband. You can somewhat tell she might be gay, but she’s not ugly and seems very friendly and outgoing. She’s a lot like me in speaking her mind and being open-minded. Two other things suggested she may be gay. One was that she used to do drugs. Two, her name is Kathy. Every Kathy, Ann, Mary, Carol, and Karen in the world is gay just about.
So anyway, last Saturday when I met Bob, he told me we’d meet again Tuesday or Wednesday. I just called him and he said he’s going to Springfield today, so tomorrow before 11 AM we’ll meet. That’s good.
When I fell asleep yesterday, I’d been up 18 hours or so, so I expected not to sleep only 4 hours. However, I woke up with an attack as I hadn’t had my Theodur in almost two days. When I got up I took it, as Kim got my refill and after an hour and a half, the attack died out.
At 9:30 or so last night, Tammy called and I spoke to her briefly, making no sense at all. I was still quite exhausted till I showered and ate. Tammy, Bill, and the girls may be coming up this weekend. I never thought she’d get here until the year 2000.
I could wait for the sun to come out more and finally get that tan I want. If I do that, though, I won’t be able to go grocery shopping later. I’ve been up since 8:30 last night. Then again, I don’t think I’ll fall asleep for a long while yet anyway. I guess I’ll get a tan.
SATURDAY, JUNE 15, 1991 After 6 or 7 months of Ron, I ditched him from my life. That was at the beginning of February, I think, then on June 30th of 1987, I moved out of Woodside Terrace. It was a mutual agreement between the landlord and me as I was having problems with some of the other tenants. They were kind enough to let me take my time and they never gave me a legal eviction notice. If only I knew then what I know now, as I could’ve fought it in court and won cuz you know me. I’d never cause anyone major trouble unless they did shit to me. Other than calling people I don’t know or those that have given me a reason to dislike them, I don’t want hostility so close to home.
So, this was when I moved to Oswego St. which at the time was 10 times worse than Woodside Terrace. First, let me back up to Feb. when I met both Fran and Nervous who lived next to each other on the 1st floor.
Ron had worked as a maintenance guy at McDonald’s where we met. Fran had worked there also at one time, so that’s how they met. Before I moved, Fran got evicted and I met up with Stuart B who I went to Longmeadow High with. Stuart’s gay too, and also was not at home most of his teenage years. He and I have been friends now for 2½ years and I think he still lives on Locust St. where he’s been for 8 years now.
I feel our friendship ending was for the better as he was the same as Fran in most ways. Both Stuart and Fran and I could hold nice conversations and lots of laughs, but at the same time, they were too off the wall and unpredictable. And I thought I was once about as bad as you can get.
Around April before I moved I had a second roommate by the name of Barbara T. She was quickly in and out before a month was out. That was the one who only stole an afghan and some coasters which didn’t mean shit but rang up a $143 phone bill. When I called the phone co. about it, they removed it from my bill due to my good acting. However, I don’t think I could get that lucky again in a million years. God was with me that day.
As for Nervous, I met him one day in February when I had the flu and asked him for a ride to the ER. I liked Nervous so much till I found out what he was all about but keep in mind I’m not the same person I was when we met. If we were starting all over and I met him for the first time now, I’d never associate with him. His obsession with me back then pissed me off and rather embarrassed me cuz of the way he is. Today, I find it quite amusing and I know that that’s life no matter what kind of person you are or what you look like. I really miss his spying and my playing dead or crossed line with him. Also, I miss taping him and Fran or Andy. That, I’d do all over again if I could in a minute.
Later…
About half a year after I moved, my friendship with Jenny C and Mary C ended. Jenny and I had grown to be two totally different people. We had met in grade school. Mary was too flaky and never returned stuff she borrowed. Her brother was a loser, too.
I missed Nancy H who had lived next door to me on Woodside Terrace. She moved out a month after I did and got married.
I still spoke with Emily B every now and then and shortly after I moved, Larry and John sold my building and hers. Right before Larry and John sold out all their Springfield property, they evicted Nervous for not paying his rent. Nervous then stood at the Y and when he couldn’t afford that he was out sleeping in his car. Because he was so obnoxious and had a lousy attitude too much of the time, I wouldn’t take him in. Eventually, he got a room in a rooming house.
My neighbors were ok, except for Nellie and José, who stole checks and a boom box from me. The bank reimbursed my money, but I always liked Nellie and felt that she’d be a decent person if she weren’t a thief and a druggie.
Hank pissed me off at first till I shocked him by going after him. Not punching him or intending to harm him, but scaring some sense into him. I intended to go further if I ever needed to, but we became friendly. Hank began to respect me, not cuz he would’ve liked to get down my pants or cuz I was gay but cuz I wasn’t scared of him. He was going with the woman next door on and off and she was ok. I only got mad at her once when she accused me of fucking around with Hank when I was only downstairs talking to him or bumming smokes. Hank lived below me and Mattie lived next door and that night she pissed me off I chased her into her apartment. She beat me to it, slammed and locked the door and I stood outside it kicking it and screaming at the top of my lungs. I heard her calling the cops, so I ran inside my place, shut my lights off and just stayed there. They knocked on my door, but I never answered. Hank told me the next day Mattie was scared of me. I told him as pissed as I was and with all my cussing at her, I’d never be dumb or cruel enough to lay a hand on a 62-year-old woman. I told Hank if Mattie wanted to be friendly, so would I but to ask, rather than accuse me of anything.
The nicest and sanest neighbors I had were these two sisters who were in their late 60s. Anna and Julia. They lived next door to me on the other side of me. Also, Dotty, who lived on the 1st floor next to Hank.
There were two adjoining buildings, each with two apartments per floor. My side was the 1-bdm side and the other was the 2-bdm side. Very different from the Woodside-Locust complex and much smaller. All the apartments were big on Woodside-Locust. The Oswego St. ones were smaller.
Locust had three 1-bdm apartments per floor. Woodside had three 1-bdm apartments per floor and 1 studio per floor.
Next time I write, I’ll write about my third roommate, Crystal C. I’ll always have mixed emotions about Crystal, but she was definitely the best roommate when she wasn’t being lazy or stealing from me. When I remember Crystal, I feel sorrier for her than angry. We had things in common, such as our backgrounds and hit it off instantly. She and I had a lot of laughs and we made phone calls and ranked on Nervous together. She was hardly ever home, though, as she was too busy hanging with the wrong kinds of people. Such as her boyfriend who was always beating the shit out of her, yet she’d keep going back for more.
She’ll always be a lost cause and forever naïve. Always be a loser and know people who are losers. She’d have a much harder time attracting decent people than I ever would.
Sometimes I feel like a lost cause only cuz there’s no possible way to get anything I really want no matter how hard I tried and how much effort I put into it. If humans lived to be 1000 years old, I’d never be a singer or get even one night with someone I’m sexually attracted to, whether I tried to or not.
However, Crystal’s the type you could hand something to on a silver platter and she’d refuse it.
So, she moved out in either late Feb. or early March of 1988.
I really don’t feel like writing now even though I have nothing better to do. I’m bored and I’m hungry but can’t get my food stamps until tomorrow. Also, I feel like shit.
FRIDAY, JUNE 14, 1991 Now, I’m going to try to wrap up this story once and for all. Then, I’ll get back to the past. I called Laurie since I couldn’t reach Sergeant D. Right away she came out and she told me I had two options. One was they’d seek an arrest warrant. Two, was for me to be at the Police Department the following night at 7:00.
The next day I called Sergeant D collect and told him there was no way I could get there cuz I had no car and no ride. I told him how and why I recently moved and that Kim and Mark were the only ones I knew and they were at the Cape. I also explained that Dad was coming up and that I only see him once a year.
I was honest with him, yet tried to make him feel for me at the same time. Luckily he’s very sensitive and understanding to begin with. I told him that, yes, I did have a flaky side to me, but that I’m not a bad person. He said, “I know you’re not a bad person and I know why you left the city.”
Then, he put me on hold. While waiting for him, I realized he had spoken to cops who knew me. Especially as he was just so nice and gave me a 3-day continuance until next Sat. I knew Kim could drive me then.
We also discussed the warrant about Jenny C and I told him the whole story. He said that the courts take care of that and that I’d have to go there.
So right after Dad left I discussed it all with Kim and Mark. Kim agreed to drive me. She was a little nervous, but not overly worried. I was a little on edge about the warrant, but at the same time, I told myself not to worry. Kim and I both figured Laurie would be there but she wasn’t.
I dressed up nicely and carried myself as well as I could.
Sergeant D looked nothing like he sounded. He laughed when I told him he sounded older. In fact, he was very young and Kim thought he was cute.
After we spoke, I could tell he thought I was attractive and I could see that he was honest and friendly. Of all the times I wished I was ugly and could turn people off, I really appreciated my looks that night. They helped, along with my attitude and knowing other cops. Also being related to Jim who’s a lawyer.
Finally, Sergeant D said, “The case with Laurie is over as far as I’m concerned and out of my book. I’m not even going to have you go to court as prank phone calls are not our top priority. We don’t want the hassle any more than you do.”
Then we discussed the warrant and I told him I couldn’t get to court last Thursday or Friday and I planned to go Monday. He said the W. Springfield police would have to come and get me and hold me there till Mon. morning when the courthouse opens up.
As he was saying this, Kim and I mentioned my asthma and I pretended to be terrified.
Finally, Sergeant D said, “Well, there’s no bail on defaults, but I’m gonna call W. Springfield and try to talk to them along with the clerk from the courts. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try my best. Meanwhile, you’ll still need to go downstairs and give them general information.”
Kim waited upstairs in his office while he took me downstairs to that garage area I was in 3½ years ago when I called that pig. The one I supposedly threatened over the phone that threatened me in my cell, which was perfectly ok for him to do and get away with, along with the sexually harassing calls I later got as well. There, he left me with another plainclothes cop while he went to make those calls.
That cop was nice too, and we chatted here and there. Then, as two young cops in uniform came to get in a cruiser, one looked at me and said, “Ooh.” Then he asked me if I was a social worker. I said no and that I was a singer. He was confused cuz I wasn’t handcuffed. He asked why I was there. I told him, then he asked if I’d be around for a while. I said no and told him I lived in S. Deerfield.
When I finally got inside where the cells are and began to give the guy at the desk the information, I could see 3 cops in a room with glass windows. I read their lips. They basically commented on my looks.
Then, this other cop came and stood right next to me and says, “I like short girls with nice long hair. You wouldn’t mind a guy with buck teeth would you?”
I told him I had buck teeth, too.
Then, when the guy at the desk asked for my last name, the cop that hit on me said, “Jodi?”
Then it hit me who it was and I said, “John P?”
He said yes and asked how Andy was. Andy had met him on one of his nighttime walks with his Batman cape.
So, that was when the phone rang and the guy behind the desk said that W. Springfield wasn’t coming. Then another cop came around the corner saying to another cop, “She’s going to be ROR’d right out of here.” There were maybe 6 or 7 cops.
The guy at the desk then said, “I hate to put you in a cell but it’s for your own protection as someone violent could be brought in. You’ll only be there a half-hour till the clerk of court arrives.”
I said, “Am I going to be in a cell with other people who may be violent?”
John said, “Nope. You get your own room.”
Then the matron took me to a cell till I paid bail and got out half an hour later.
On the way home, Kim and I were amazed at how nice everyone was. No one at all gave me a cold shoulder. Kim was saying, “You are so lucky. They broke the law for you. There’s no bail on defaults.”
Mark was shocked when he heard about it, and the following Monday, he took me to court. Even though we weren’t there long, Mark found it interesting.
That Saturday night when I got home from what Kim and I described as an interesting and somewhat adventurous night, I called Sergeant D and thanked him.
I go to court again on September 12th. I do not know if Jenny will be there, but my guess is that she’d love to be. I hope she is and I’ll write why after the court date.
Wait till I show Kim just how many pages it took me to write about all this.
Later…
The last thing I wrote about in my past was when I ditched Ron and told my family I was gay. That wasn’t quite the end of my sexual encounters with men as I was still naïve. I still hadn’t learned how to say “no” and was still wondering, like most 21-year-olds no doubt, how do I go about acting on being gay and finding a woman? I still was insecure and had yet to learn that you just can’t make someone feel, want or think what they don’t want to. You can’t make someone want and love you. I still didn’t know that love was out and sex was in. At least it was the in-thing in 95% of the population. Yes, guys more so than gals. I still didn’t know about gay bars or what a butch was and that gay women looked like men and not like a woman which I wanted. I still thought I was one in many thousands. That’s until my aunt Ruth told me that being gay is not as unique as I thought it was and I read statistics saying how every 1 out of 10 people is gay. I still had not met other gay people with which we both discussed it face to face. I mean, I had met plenty of gays, but was too young to understand and had met many I suspected were gay. I think it was how ugly and unattractive gay women are that’s more disappointing than how fucked up so many people are. It was still to be a while before I learned all this, though.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12, 1991 Anyway, as I was last saying, I realized Laurie was awake so I once again said to hell with it. I called back without giving out any information and I got right to the point. She flipped on me immediately, denying she was gay and demanding a name. I hung up without telling her a thing and was curious as to why she’d lie about being gay. Usually, hardasses like herself tell it like it is with no fear. They’re the types who don’t give a shit whatsoever what someone else thinks. It was so obvious too by her looks, the sound of her voice and definitely her attitude.
I gave up on her for almost two months till I looked in the phonebook. There were 3 others with her last name listed so I called her mother and her sister-in-law. Her parents were pissed and her sister-in-law was too, then became friendly figuring I was trying to help Laurie. I told them both that Laurie was gay and told them Laurie was afraid to tell them. The mother was swearing at me and telling me it was Laurie’s business what she does. I asked the sister-in-law if she knew. She said no and that people’s sexual preferences are none of her business. She also said that Laurie knows she can talk to her and Laurie knows she works with a gay woman.
So finally late one night at 3 AM, I called her brother Tim and crossed her with Laurie. They were confused at first until I whispered, “Laurie.”
She goes, “What was that?”
Tim said, “Someone just whispered ‘Laurie’.”
Laurie asks, “Are you serious?”
Then after Tim said yes, Laurie told him to hang up and let his machine pick up to see if they could get a voice. So I did call the brother and left a tape of Nervous and Fran’s brother Rick fighting on his machine. I did this a few times till I called back begging for him to pick up the phone all the while playing to be the AT&T operator. He did, and I crossed him with Laurie.
Laurie immediately told Tim, “That woman’s on the line. I’m gonna kill you and pummel your face in. We’re gonna come down real hard on you, woman, as soon as we get a name. We know you’re connected with the hospital. That much we got.”
Tim said, “Laurie, when you get her, have her killed.”
She said, “With my very little hands.”
So finally I spoke up with all my wacky lines and really confused them as to who the fuck I am and where I am and how I have so much information. I told her how I saw her and liked what I saw.
I asked her how you get aids in your ear and she said she didn’t know. I said by listening to assholes and then she said she must have AIDS in her ear.
Tim asked me which one was going to be the dominant one and I began singing, Crazy in Love with You by Linda and Laurie said, “You are crazy for sure.”
I said I was half sane, half-insane.
Laurie says, “No, you’re leaning on a good 95% insane.”
I said, “Well, if you let me have a date with you, I’ll drop it to 90%.”
Finally, Tim told Laurie he thought the whole thing was amusing.
Laurie said, “Well, I don’t. Not at this point.”
Even though she was pissed, you could tell she was quite curious.
After Tim hung up, I told her at that time that I’d only seen her once and mentioned her lighting my cigarette. I never mentioned Kim’s name or my last name or address but I did give her my first name and phone number.
She swore she’d never harm me and said, “We all have our skeletons in the closet, but I don’t think you’re a bad person. I have the information now, Jodi, and I could do something if I wanted to, but I’m not going to. I give you my word as a woman and as a cop, I could but I won’t. However, if you agree to stop calling my family and call me here at a decent hour, I’ll talk to you.”
After I hung up, I realized she could find out who and where I am as I know so many cops. I also knew that if she were to speak to cops who know me, they’d put in a good word for me. I figured why worry about it anyway as yes, I was skeptical, but she really had me believing she was sincere.
The next day, I left two messages on her machine in the early afternoon. Plenty of time before she’s to be at work. I tried other times too, to reach her, but hung up as soon as I’d get the machine.
It was at that point that I started to get a bad feeling. Then, after 3 days of not hearing from her, I got a call from a Sergeant D at the police dept. At first, I hung up on the guy till I realized two things. One was that he and Laurie probably had found out my full name and where I live. Secondly, I noticed this guy sounded so nice and not “out to get me” in a bad way. He sounded much nicer than Laurie. At this point, I could see that Laurie would freak out over anything and was just another insensitive, lying butch.
I then went to call Sergeant D back, but he’d already left.
I called Laurie after that, who of course, had her answering machine on and said, “I want you both to call me back and I want to know why you lied.”
I’ll write more after I watch A Current Affair. I spoke to Andy last night so later I’ll write about that, too.
Later…
I watched A Current Affair but decided not to watch Unsolved Mysteries as it’s another repeat. You’d think that with all the crime in the world, they’d come up with new shows, but I guess not.
Last night when Andy called he played me a tape of some calls he’s made. They were funny. He said that as soon as he fills up the tape, he’ll mail it to me so I can edit it.
He also told me that he and a friend of his are going to see Gloria in July. He’s going to send me two tour books. Two cuz they put pictures back to back. We figure they’ll be $10 apiece so instead of him sending me $35, which he owes me, he’ll send $15. I told him to send me the money right away and that I’m mailing him a tape of the new edits.
Now to continue once again with Laurie, Sergeant D, and the bench warrant. The following night I went to the movies with Kim. Upon returning home there were two messages on my machine. First was Sergeant D, sounding friendly and patient, telling me he just wanted to run a few things by me and to call collect if I wanted to “save a dime.” Lord only knows what my phone bill is gonna be even though it was worth it.
The second message was from Laurie with a slight snobbish edge, although she was calm. She said, “Hi Jodi, this is Laurie H. If you’re there I’d appreciate you picking up the phone (pause). Well, obviously you have my number. Return the call and I’ll talk to you at this point. Thanks. Bye.”
First I tried reaching Sergeant D, but once again it was too late. He had gone home.
TUESDAY, JUNE 11, 1991 I’m not gonna write too long about Laurie or all the other stuff. I can barely keep my eyes open and only had 3 hours of sleep. I had to be up by 7:30 this morning. So, about Laurie…Kim found out her name and also that she was originally from Greenfield. Kim saw her 3 times or so and also had an instant feeling that she was gay, even though she doesn’t look overly butchy. So, one night before Kim left the ER, she saw Laurie going home in a wheelchair. Kim told me she was in uniform and had been hurt on duty. Kim didn’t know how she got hurt but informed me Laurie would be out of work for a few days.
Right after this discussion, I called 411 and got her no. Although it was 2 AM and my heart was pounding, I thought, “What the fuck?” Of course, I knew I’d never have a fling with her so I figured I’d just have fun. When she answered I realized the voice sounded much manlier than I remembered. Her attitude is that of a major bull butch, too. At first, I asked for a phony name and at that point, she was nice and told me I had the wrong number, of course. I hung up and then it hit me that she was fully awake. Second-shift people usually are at that time, but I’ll finish the story tomorrow.
I am zonked so I’m gonna listen to music, then crash.
MONDAY, JUNE 10, 1991 First I’ll write about my very interesting adventure which will bring my current life up to date. After that, I’ll go back into the past.
Well, cuz I never went to court for Jenny, there was a default warrant out as I figured there’d be. Before I get to that, though, I need to back up a bit and mention something else. They’re connected, though.
I’m not sure if I mentioned Laurie H or not. Nevertheless, I’ll run through it anyway. Once, right before I moved, I was in the ER and I noticed an attractive lady cop. I knew right away that cuz I liked her, God would never let me have her. So, I decided to play chase and snoop anyway like I usually do. The chase is always more enjoyable than the capture. Even though there never is a capture unless it’s someone I don’t want. After I left the ER and went outside to wait for Brenda to pick me up, she came out to her cruiser to smoke a cigarette. I asked her for a light so I could talk to her and get a better look. I noticed that yes, you could tell she was gay but she was pretty at the same time. Her hair was a little below her shoulders and she had beautiful brown eyes.
That was the last I saw of her. This was either directly before or after meeting Kim. After I moved, while Kim was still working at Baystate, she got some information on Laurie H.
After I see The People’s Court I’ll finish the story.
SUNDAY, JUNE 9, 1991 The last week and a half have been incredible! I have some amazing stories to cover. First of all, the visit with Dad was great. He also stood here overnight. He brought up a few knickknacks and we went out to dinner and then to Sugar Loaf Market. I sang him two songs and played the tape Bill made of the voice exercises. I also played him a few “appropriate” edits and I showed him my drawings and some new clothes. He saw the tape of the Frontier and the Pub performances and he really got into it. We watched TV, too.
Mom will be up in a month or two, she said, and told me how beautiful Dad thought the apartment was. He really freaked when he saw it and he took several pictures of it.
Both mom and Tammy called and mom asked me if I was sure nothing at all was included in the rent. When I said no, she said from now on they’ll send in a check for $150 rather than $140. That’s great. I’ll have an extra $10 and it’ll surely help.
Again I told her as soon as anything singing job comes up, I’ll notify her and I feel it will.
That guy Joe called that I met roller skating and we had a great talk. It makes me feel better knowing Kim and Mark have known him for years. He said I sounded very serious and determined, then he mentioned my fears before I did. As far as sleeping my way there, he said, I wouldn’t embarrass myself, either. We sang some Spanish over the phone and he knows Linda’s songs from her album Canciones de mi Padre. He says he’ll call soon.
I’m gonna go listen to music for a little while, then I’ll write about the most adventurous event I had earlier.
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punhetamaistriste · 1 year ago
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Starfuckers (2022)
Today I watched Starfuckers and I think it might have changed my life. I spent the night with someone I think I can consider a friend at this point, and he showed me the power of queer cinema (well, I'm aware of queer cinema just like every artsy queer, but way less than most artsy queers. I was a theatre kid. I grew up with artsy queers just like this new friend of mine is) in those astonishing 15 minutes. I won't tell you what the film is about, but it's about a twink and his current daddy-type lover who's an asshole. And just as if I was watching Fleabag , I saw the asshole as an extension of myself (I got myself under a pretty bad light).
Recently, a month ago roughly, I ended an intense relationship that lasted 6 months. It was fun. We essentially lived together, and she was way younger and richer than I am. It bugged me. I hated her; her money, her parents, her lack of clue about how a poor person lives. I got myself under debt because of her, because of my love for her. At first, pure performance because she liked me and I couldn't say no to a new experience that could bring me momentary joy and a place to go on weekends, then real love. And she was a great lover. I just fucked it all up, as usual. But I'm glad I did. I needed this break-up, I needed my time alone and I needed the momentum to assimilate the fact that I was an asshole.
The asshole in Starfuckers definitely knew he was the asshole, but came too his senses too late. He got caught. I didn't. That's why the asshole life worked for me until not very long ago: I never got caught. I ran in time, all the times. With her, with him, with them (you three know who you are. You mattered to me. The rest was my crazy mind fantasizing about how I could get any of you back and why I shouldn't). It was good. But sometimes the peed and dumped water splashes right inside your dirty tired anus and you feel this nasty, weirdly clean wet cold on your ass and things get awkward with yourself. But that's only until you take a shower after that dump. Then everything feels light and clean, and better than before the dirty water touched you. I was suicidal recently, it was my splash, but I just got out of that shower.
I've been fucked like the Starfuckers twink, emotionally abused (mostly from myself) in relationships (and also the abuser) and in my carreers. I had a carreer in Environmental Science because of a daddy-type guy who gave me my internship in exchange for a blowjob. I never told anyone about it. We had a relationship for about a year, and i don't qualify him as one of the three lovers I had in life. He was just a thing I had to do. In that sense I got fucked differently, unlike the twink I didn't really care about my daddy-type lover. Maybe a little. Maybe the twink felt like that, too. In an egotistical way, caring about him was caring about my own future. I was young, foolish and full of potential. And will to do things. I don't know if I still got it; college is killing me. I understand the twink and his reasons. When you love someone because of your own future, it feels terrible not to be seen by that someone. You feel guilty for your own greed, then angry for the feeling. It's freeing to be an asshole sometimes, specially when feeling this type of anger.
The Enter The Twink bit gives us an amazing, touching performance and when he cries his heart out after the monologue, I almost cry too, but I'm a skinhead so I must remain tough. He spoke to me, but spoke like the younger me: a child, picking from the ground pieces of a destroyed child . A destroyed childhood, a shattered dream, whatever. A thing that shouldn't have ended the way it did, like many things. The only things from my life to ever happened the way they should and end when they should were my last two relationships. Because I said they were over. When I needed it. Besides my ridiculous review, Starfuckers is incredible and it's not a break up film. It's a gay film. It's a raw film. Go watch.
I hope this new friend of mine stays, because I really liked the film and I like queer artsy people. But I'm a wreck. I hope he stays until it's time to go, until the water splash. And after a shower we'll both feel better. I think that about everyone in my life, including my family. I hope they don't let go of me, but i have to act like they will. I keep my pieces together in a jar afraid of glueing it all together just to crash and fall again, and I'm comfortable in that mess. Sometimes I'm the asshole because of it, but it's not easy being a twink. Being the twink. God, I'm fucked. I wish I could elevate this state into artform like the Starfuckers director. I don't know if he comes from a real situation there in the film and something like that happened to him. Maybe. Not that unusual in the artistic circuit. What am I talking about? I think I lost my train of thought. Best way to end a text.
So I blink, I stare at you madly in love and say tenderly: God, you're so beautiful. It's true. Do you reckon? I mean, it's fate. We all dig our own graves before sleep.
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littleredroseonthevalley · 2 years ago
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The Cover of This Month’s Marie Claire
Summary: Matt is tired and all he wants to do is go back to his home and sleep. When he checks out his wife’s latest work, he changes his mind.
Rating: T - Content not suitable for children.  Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with minor suggestive adult themes.
Words: 1000
Notes: I rather like chicken and mustard. It’s trashy, but it tastes good.
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Matt Rodriguez was incredibly tired. More so than his usual.
He had a late night of filming his latest Action project. He had taken a break of those to focus in other genres and challenge himself to improve his craft, but he never meant to retire definitively from them. He is not so sure about it now, since he had forgotten how tiring and painful they can be.
To his despair, he had to sleep in a hotel in the city, instead of going back home, since he lived all the way in Santa Barbara for privacy and had a promotion commitment to attend too early in the morning to be able to go there and back in time.
At half past four, the front desk called his apartment to remind him that a car would be coming around in twenty minutes to take him to the TV station. There, he was subjected to torture in the form of hair and make-up, and then was thrown into a mindless morning show with instructions to be perky and sunny.
Matt is an actor, a damn good one at that, and so he did manage to stick to the part well, charming the pants off the hosts. The problem began during the culinary segment, in which a ditzy Top 50 singer was scheduled to make a chicken and mustard dish, a supposedly family recipe.
The whole thing was a tragedy, not only because that girl did not touch an oven in her life, she was exceedingly nervous to have her introduction to culinary in a national network. As a result, while she was working on the sauce, she lost her footing and sent the cup with the yellow condiment flying across the set.
It landed on his head. He is sure his hair still smelt of mustard, even after two showers.
Now, he is dressed and ready to go on set, even if all he wants is to drag his feet all the way there. His schedule is packed back-to-back with rehearsals and meetings with so-called “actors” who, unfortunately, had too much beauty or money and not enough talent or industrious spirit.
OK, that is unkind of him, but man, he is tired. He just wanted to go home to his wife and sleep his troubles away.
As he places his hand on the knob to leave the dressing room and go to his next commitment, the door opens on the other side and a figure emerges on the hallway.
"Matt, you might want to see this," His agent said while walking into the nondescript dressing room.
Matt just nodded while on the inside, he was dying.
His agent turned on the TV, on the network they were currently in, and 'Isadora Andel' was the headline.
His heart sunk to his feet. Had something happened to her? Why did no one call him? Where were his wife and his kids?
"Isadora Andel's new photoshoot is turning some heads!" The news anchor lewdly spoke. “The mid-aged actress, famous for movies like Tender Nothings, has posed for this month’s issue of Marie Claire. Us here at the network had the pleasure of seeing the whole spread, and I’m sure that Matt Rodriguez is happy to have her at home, huh?”
The man wanted to strangle his agent, and hers, and the newscaster, for that matter, but held back.
Pictures of Isadora flooded the small television set and his throat went dry. At first, they were simple pictures of her inexpensive dresses and make-up, the sort of thing that her grandmother used to sew her back in Iowa.
Nothing unusual occurred until the fourth or fifth photo. She went from dressing in gowns to lingerie and more natural makeup. Each photo was more scandalous than the last, showing increasingly more skin and in more provocative poses.
She looked like a bored housewife on a teenager’s sexual fantasy, and he is unsure how he feels about it.
Matt knew his wife looked amazing in anything, but he drooled at how beautiful she was in lace. She really should wear it more often, preferably while he was at home and could admire it in the flesh.
"Leave, please." He said darkly once he noticed that his agent was ogling his wife.
“But, Mr. Rodriguez, we have to…”
“Leave.” The actor repeated. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
The man scampered out of the dressing room, almost tripping over himself. He sat back on the make-up chair and took a deep breath.
"Hey, baby. What a surprise! I thought you were working." Isadora answered the phone with confusion.
Matt usually did not call if he was out in the city, unless they had lunch or dinner plans, or if it was some sort of emergency. She hoped she had not forgotten any scheduled dates, as it would take hours to get to LA, even if she left right then.
"I am. Well, I was, but then I saw some interesting photos. " His tone was playful.
His wife giggled on the other end.
"And what did those photos look like?" She asked, a smile seeping through her words.
The blond woman decided to entertain his joking mood. It was not often that they got to play around like this.
He cleared his throat. "Well, there was a woman in them and she wore next to nothing."
Isadora could practically hear the thirst in her husband’s voice. She was perfectly fine with this, in fact she was very pleased with herself. It was perfectly normal to remind a man of his wife's beauty.
"It'd be hilarious if she was truly wearing nothing right about now, huh?" She teased.
Then, the line clicked. A beeping sound could be faintly heard.
"Matt?" She called.
The veteran actress laughed to herself once she realized that her husband hung up the phone.
It is safe to say that Matt only worked half a day and Isadora could not walk straight the next day.
*_*_*_*_*
RCD Masterlist
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frogtanii · 4 years ago
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warm.
it’s too warm, was your first waking thought as you sluggishly waded through the mound of blankets that encompassed you to get a breath of fresh air (you assumed bokuto and kuroo were the culprits for your warm and fuzzy hellhole). your eyes first fell on the television playing the credits to the second or third pirates of the caribbean movie on mute, the remote haphazardly thrown somewhere to your left as though the person who did so left in a hurry.
speaking of people, there was no one left in the room as you slowly joined the land of the living. a part of you suspected everyone had gone to bed but atsumu or akaashi would’ve woken you up if that had been the case.
belatedly, you recognized voices coming from the front door and your still sleep-addled brain lit up. oh! you thought. food must be here! untangling yourself from the blankets proved to be an exhausting feat because by the time you were done, your body was covered in a sheen of sweat underneath oikawa’s sweats and sakusa’s hoodie.
ugh, gross.
you began to make your way towards the door, the blood rushing through your head preventing you from hearing the details of conversation but knowing atsumu, he was just haggling for a lower price even though you told him repeatedly, that isn’t how pizza places work tsum.
as you drew nearer to the commotion, you started to pick up on the heavy tension in the air, leaving you extremely uncomfortable. you had no idea what the cause of it was but you did know it was making most of the boys upset, who, by the way, hadn’t noticed you creeping around just yet.
a feminine voice rang out from outside the doorway and though you were still attempting to gain your hearing, the sound sent chills down your spine. it sounded saccharine, sweet, familiar, and oh so evil.
even with a head full of cotton, you figured now wouldn’t be the best time to reveal yourself, what with the clear discomfort permeating the atmosphere, but your big fat mouth apparently had other plans.
“‘tsum, just let the poor pizza lady go,” you muttered, the beginnings of a headache making itself known at the back of your skull. you were a little too caught up with the dwarf banging at your head with a sledgehammer to notice the shock that everyone in the room turned to look at you with.
a gentle hand grasped at your forearm, whispering something into your ear before attempting to pull you back to the living room, but that same familiar voice from the door kept you planted where you stood.
“oh, the princess finally makes herself known,” meiko sneered, her face finally coming into focus, striking you with pang of fear straight through your heart. “funny, i thought i left you speechless the last time we... ‘talked’.”
“ya shut yer fuckin mouth,” atsumu lunged at her but was stopped by sakusa’s arm around his waist, successfully holding him in place. meiko just giggled, taking a step into the house, her heels clicking as she glided across the hardwood floors.
in the back of your head, you noted that meiko looked unusually beautiful, her makeup flawlessly done and her outfit complementing it perfectly, almost reminiscent of how she used to be before... well, just “before”.
you watched the boys unconsciously angle themselves as a protective wall around you, the person holding your arm (who you now realized was koushi) pulling you in tighter until your back was resting against his chest.
a part of you couldn’t help but feel a little suffocated but the other, more self preserving, bit felt irrationally safe and protected around these boys. it was nice... or it would’ve been if meiko wasn’t taking herself on a tour around the house as though she hadn’t been living there for almost the past year.
“you all can tone down on the guard dog act. i’m not here to fight,” she said as she pretended to wipe dust off the island. “you’re not?” bokuto’s skeptical voice rose up from behind you, one of his hands finding yours underneath the massive sleeves of your (sakusa’s) hoodie.
meiko shook her head with an empty smile, her perfectly painted red lips stretching unnaturally wide. “no, of course not! i’ve just come here to collect.”
the boys collectively tensed around you, akaashi whispering for kenma to go find yachi and quickly. as he slipped away, you made eye contact with sakusa who gave you an imperceptible nod that you assumed meant one thing — keep her talking.
“collect what?” you asked, your voice coming out weaker than you wanted, but you hoped she didn’t notice. she cocked her head as her eyes snapped to you as if she’d forgotten you were there, but judging by her growing smirk, you knew that wasn’t the case.
“my boys of course!” meiko clapped gleefully, clicking her way over toward kuroo to run her hand over his bicep, laughing when he jolted away from her touch. “they’ve always been mine, you know that don’t you?”
it felt like a cold bucket of water had been dropped over your head. you felt frozen again, the same feeling of dread creeping up your spine as it did when meiko attacked you. in turn, you barely noticed kenma’s return who whispered something to sakusa — an action that didn’t go unnoticed by meiko.
“what’re my boys talking about? are you plotting against me?” she pouted, scooting closer to the pair. kenma visibly paled and moved to hide himself behind sakusa’s broad shoulders. “we aren’t doing anything, meiko.”
wrong answer.
“oh, we both know that isn’t the case kiyoomi. i’m not a fucking idiot.” meiko’s voice filled with venom before moving even closer still. you felt your heart beating rapidly in your chest, your hand gripping bokuto’s even tighter.
what if she brought some kind of weapon to the house? what if she hurt you? what if she hurt them?
before you could think, you were standing in front of the group, the boys calling out your name as meiko’s face lit up. “so the precious little princess wants to take a stand! let me have it then, huh? let me see what all the craze is about!”
despite the fear thudding in your chest, you stood tall, glaring at her with your head held high. “the boys are not yours, meiko,” you declared, her mouth instantly opening in protest but you refused to let her speak.
“they aren’t possessions or objects you can own and treat like shit. they are people, real living, breathing people and they aren’t mine either. they have full reign to do what they want, when they want, to make their own choices and decisions. and you know what? they didn’t choose you or me. they chose themselves and their happiness over any bullshit you or i could try and sell them. so please, for the love of god, get your shit together, put it in a box and take it to fucking therapy.”
by the end of your impromptu speech, your chest was heaving but you felt good. really good. adrenaline was rushing through your veins and you felt powerful. out the corner of your eye, you noticed osamu and daichi standing at the bottom of the stairs with something akin to awe on their faces.
yeah bitches. take it all in.
unfortunately, while you were basking in the feeling of badassery, you completely missed meiko’s eyes lighting up with pure, unadulterated,
rage.
you faintly heard someone call your name before you were taken to the ground by meiko leaping at you like an animal. the two of you scrambled about on the hardwood, her hands yanking at your clothes and leaving scratches on your skin but you were sure as hell giving her a run for her money.
you finally managed to get on top of her, pinning her arms to the ground but that wasn’t before you gained a hard elbow to the side and a bruise to your face. meiko thrashed and shook in your hold but you were not wavering, trying to keep her entirely still for...
well, for what exactly?
almost as though they were on cue, you heard the sound of police sirens wailing in the distance, growing louder as they drew closer to the house. underneath you, meiko’s eyes widened before she began fighting even harder than she’d done before, her erratic movements making it much more difficult to keep your hold on her.
luckily, you had extremely muscular men at your disposal, one of which (osamu — even though he was a dick, he was still incredibly muscular dick) held down meiko’s arms as the lapd stormed the building.
the police officers easily retracted meiko from your arms and cuffed her, taking her to the back of the cop car, despite her loud and insistent threats on you and everyone you love.
very disney villain-esque.
a kind looking officer helped you to your feet and walked you out to the porch where he began to ask you and the boys a few questions. you answered them honestly and you were genuinely proud of how well you were handling the whole situation when—
“bubs, you’re shaking.” sure enough, when you looked down at your hands, you were twitching uncontrollably, the reality of the events that just occurred finally sinking in.
you were just attacked. again.
you and your friends were threatened.
meiko was sitting in the back of a fucking cop car.
“what the fuck,” you whispered, eyes staring unblinking at your palms. the same officer mentioned something about shock, prompting all the boys to gather around you; atsumu pulled you in between him and sakusa, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, kenma and bokuto took hold of your quivering hands, sugawara and oikawa sat off to the side watching you with blatant concern, and kuroo and akaashi spoke to the officer in hushed tones.
the man nodded and shook their hands before shooting you a pitying smile and heading back to the car where meiko was waiting.
“it’s over angel, ‘s over,” atsumu muttered into your hair, pressing kisses to your forehead in between each phrase. you leaned into his touch but you refused to take your eyes off meiko who was watching the whole scene from the backseat, her eyes wide with anger, hurt, and confusion.
you didn’t bother dwelling on it, instead focusing on evening out your breathing and looking at the car drive over the horizon. you heard yachi’s soft voice calling everyone inside, atsumu lifting you up to your feet and walking with you, never once taking his hands off of you.
still, his words echoed in your head, even as yachi spoke of the end of the hyper house, even as the boys brought you to your room, and even as they all automatically cuddled around you in an attempt to get you to sleep.
it’s over. it’s all finally over.
you couldn’t keep the grin off your face if you tried.
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℗ poker face
it’s over
series masterlist
(●’◡’●)ノ
an - OK THE TITLE IS MISLEADING THE STORY IS NOT OVER YET SKENSM (there are 2 more official story chapters before all the endings :3) also m not the biggest fan of this chapter?? so i’d love to hear what y’all think <33 don’t forget to feed me!!
taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you
@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis
the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!
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yourmidnightlover · 4 years ago
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the nickname
Summary: reader convinced spencer to let her take the reins in the bedroom... or does she?
TW: oral (male recieving), fingering, mention of overstimulation, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, riding, scratching, use of nicknames (princess, love, etc.), hints at sugar daddy!spencer, age gap (not specified but i’m thinking around 10-15 years). *let me know if i missed anything*
WC: 2,912
A/N: this hinted at sugar daddy!spencer (not really hinted so much as saying it outright). I also wrote this for @anxiousblanketqueen ‘s fic contest for her birthday! i believe it’s prompt number 21. i hope you enjoy :)
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you had been together for a while, now. maybe 13 months? you bet spencer could recall - more like knew he could.
you had met when you were one of his students. you're going to georgetown on an academic scholarship because no way in hell could you pay for the full tuition when you still couldn't afford it with the scholarships.
he took a liking to you - how could he not? you were a hard worker and proved yourself to be extremely determined. on top of the obvious intelligence, you had a beauty that radiated around you. and that beauty had a touch of... innocence. and maybe that innocent beauty is what initially attracted him to you, but he'd like to think it was just your personality as a whole.
you were never one of the students who would come to his office after hours for help you clearly didn't need. you would use your colored pens and highlighters to help organize your notes, so it took a while to pack everything up to leave.
one day, when there weren't any students lined up out his door, he went to your seat as you were cleaning up. you looked up, rather surprised that your inappropriate crush was standing right by you.
"uhm... hi," you smiled at him as you put your pencil pouch in your bag, breaking eye contact for the briefest of seconds before returning your attention back to him.
"hi. i was uhm..." he cleared his throat, "i was wondering if you had any questions? you never come to the office hours for questions and i was just... just making sure," he stuttered out.
"oh," you chuckled a light, airy laugh that spencer wished he had recorded so he could replay it over and over and over. "i don't have any questions. i guess that just means that you're a really good professor - very thorough," you stood up and flung the bag over your shoulder, still incredibly shorter than him.
"than-thank you," he smiled. "i'm happy to hear that you're actually getting something out of the lessons," you began walking out of the classroom, looking back to ensure that he was following you.
"yes, i truly do," you agreed. "i'm also pretty sure i'm one of the other people who isn't auditing the class," you added.
"correct, you are," he enthusiastically gestured, another laugh leaving your beautiful lips.
"i mean, you can't necessarily blame them for just taking the class," you chuckled as he held the door open for you, you gave him a subtle 'thank you.'
"what do you mean?" he asked in a soft tone.
"i mean you- you're..." you trailed off, gesturing to his entire body in hopes to convey what you meant. he just looked at you with a confused taste, letting you know you needed to elaborate. "you're very... attractive, professor reid."
"oh-that's very... thank you," he blushed as you halted by the bus stop.
"of course," you turned around, looking up to meet his eyes. "so... wait, what time is it?" you asked rather frantically.
"it's," he looked at his silver watch adorning his wrist, "6:27."
"shit," you swore for the first time in front of him, underneath your breath.
"wha-what is it?" he asked, perplexed as to why you would be so frustrated.
"the last bus leaves at 6:15 and i've missed it," you huffed out, trying to compose yourself before checking your bag and realizing, "i forgot my key and my roommate is at her girlfriend's house."
"is there anything i could do?" he asked concerned.
"no i can... i can just stay at the library. i should probably study up anyway," you tried to laugh it off although you knew it was pointless... he was a profiler for christ's sake.
"the library? y/n, this might seem a bit inappropriate but i have a spare room you could stay in until your roommate gets back," he offered kindly.
so, you took him up on his offer.
you slept in his spare room after he got you both takeout. you laughed and talked for what seemed like meer minutes but turned out to be until 1 a.m. you talked about string theory and the leonard euler's paradox. he gave you interesting facts about tortoises and achilles.
that little hangout session turned into countless hangouts over the span of three months. and then he asked you out on a real date once you finished at the top of his class - and not just because you were his favorite.
the first time with spencer was... beyond delightful. he was captivating with the way he worked against and for your body. it was almost as if he felt like his sole purpose on earth was to please you. he was eager, yet patient with the way his tongue flicked and sucked at your skin.
he was such a dominant personality in the bedroom, which was extremely appreciated since you didn't have much experience in that arena. but now that you were more versed in that world, you wanted to experiment a bit more.
casually, he began to pay for your things. it wasn't so head-on at first. it would be paying for your groceries, or buying all of your college books for you. but then it got a bit bigger. when your roommate couldn't give you the necessary half of the rent that was due and was beginning to be a nuisance, spencer quite literally let you move into his place. he would pay for your car's repairs and bought you jewelry consistently.
one time, as a joke, you called him your sugar daddy - mostly because that's how he acted. he just didn't like the term. he felt as though it made your relationship together seem one-sided when you were, in fact, very in love with the man. you came to realize it also made you seem like a gold digger, which you weren't - even though the money is a nice plus. so, you relented and didn't say that again.
spencer never really had much time off now that he was working back at the bau and traveling but now, you had him to yourself for a whole week. you had been planning this since he told you when he'd be off.
step 1: look sexy - you always looked sexy to him, but feeling sexy would also be a plus.
step 2: surprise him while looking sexy - absolutely devious.
step 3: seduce him - when doesn't he want you? exactly.
it was foolproof.
you had gotten the text 15 minutes ago that spencer was on his way back to his place, wanting you to meet him there once he had settled in. little did he know that you were in a sexy little white number - the white reminded him of your innocence which really got him going - lying in wait for him in a pair of heels. you sat in one of his reading chairs, deciding to pick up a book until he got home.
when you heard the jingling of keys coming from the other side of the door, you assumed your position. the chair was turned toward the door, you sitting pretty with one leg crossed over the other.
spencer walked through the door, hanging his coat and briefcase up before finally noticing you. his eyebrows shot up, looking your body up and down hungrily.
"wow," he smiled a wicked grin as he slowly made his way to where you were sitting. you stood up, heels clicking as they hit the floor and walked closer to him.
"i wanna try something," you placed your hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly until he was forced to sit down on the couch.
"and what would that be, princess?" he asked, hands stroking your hair that was cascading down your back.
"i..." you bent down to whisper in his ear, "i want to be in charge tonight," you placed a soft kiss below his earlobe, feeling his body shudder subtly at the proposition.
"are you sure you can handle that?" he chuckled, hands roaming to your waist and grinding your hips down on his.
you almost gave up. almost. you grasped his hands, placing them on the arm of the couch before getting close to his face. your lips were almost touching before you whispered, "no touching today, pretty boy."
you felt his hips rut up against your core, you chuckled at his eagerness. you decided to throw him a bone and ground down, hard, against his hips. the groan he let out was low and enticing, nearly enough to allow you to give him whatever he wanted.
"bedroom," you whispered against his neck before getting off of his lap, allowing him to scurry to the room. "take off your clothes while you're at it!" you giggled under your breath as you heard his clothes shuffling, telling you that he was obeying your request.
you waited a couple of minutes until you went into the room, wanting to have him go a bit insane like he normally did to you. when you walked in, he was laying on his back on the bed, just like you wanted. his cock was already red and leaky, prominent as it bounced on his tummy.
"good boy, spence," you giggled, walking over to him and straddling his legs.
once you were settled, you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before trailing them down his torso, leaving the occasional hickey scattered on his chest. traveling kisses down his happy trail, you traced the vein on his dick and watched it twitch up and hit his stomach once again you giggled at the reaction.
"now i understand why you like so much responsiveness," you chuckled as you pressed a soft, barely-there kiss to the tip of his cock, he hissed once again from the contact.
you slowly took his cock in your mouth, agonizingly slow, and flattened your tongue at the base. one you got him as far down you could manage, you began bobbing your head just as slow. his hands flew to your hair, trying to force you to go faster until you swatted them away.
"should i tie those up?" you threatened, your hand working at his member as you spoke.
"are you fucking kidding me?" he swore, clearly agitated by your antics.
"no," you squeezed his dick for punctuation, the way he grunted made the wetness pool in your underwear. "i'm not kidding you."
you took him in your mouth once more, bobbing your head far more vigorously than before this time, just to spite him. hollowing your cheeks, you swallowed around him and began gagging around his dick before coming back up for air.
"fuck," he whispered underneath his breath, not wanting to let you know just how much of an effect you had on him.
you smiled to yourself and continued your antics until he was spilling all down your throat. you didn't stop there, you came back up and let your hand continue pumping his member slowly.
"shit," he hissed from the stimulation.
"shhh," you put your free finger up to his lips.
you gave his dick a few more strokes, curses leaving his lips delightfully before you drew your hands up his body once more before straddling his lap. after moving your panties to the side and slicking his cock with your arousal, you ground against him leisurely, trying to tease him a bit more. you unclasped your bra, throwing it somewhere in the room. finally, you reached between the two of you and lined him up with your entrance.
"are you sure you can do this?" spencer asked, not to entice you, but to make sure you were alright.
"there's a first for everything," you chuckled, knowing you had never been on top before.
you had never been on top before - you'd like to blame your lack of experience. you knew it might be hard to keep up the pace, but you were determined to make not only yourself but also make spencer feel good. that's all you've ever wanted. that's what you're meant to do - make him feel good. so no matter what it took, you'd make it happen.
you slowly lowered yourself onto his dick, being wary of how much bigger he felt from the new angle.
"shit," you whispered, your hands resting on his chest in attempt to ground yourself. "oh god..." you trailed off, feeling your dominant personality fade away as the pleasure overtook you.
"keep going, princess," he spurred you on, his hands finding your waist and rubbing gentle circles on your skin. "you've got it."
so you rose on your knees until only his tip was inside of you for you to lower yourself once more. you whimpered from the feeling of him re-entering your body, your pussy clenching around him as if he were an intruder.
"doing so good for me," he grasped your waist a bit tighter so he could help you rise and fall on his cock. "fuck, it's so good."
"d-doctor, i-" you stuttered, the persona nearly entirely gone and nowhere to be seen as he continued to move you up and down.
when you learn forward, your face hovering over spencer's chest, he took the opportunity to wrap his arms entirely around your waist. before you knew it, he was slamming his length into your pussy over and over and over and over again.
"oh! oh my god," you moaned, your voice reaching a higher octave as he drilled into your body in the most pleasurable way imaginable. "don't stop! don't stop! ple-please!" you screamed out, your hands wrapping around his torso and squeezing his body to ensure that he was there - present.
"i won't, princess. just let go. let go for me," he pressed a kiss to the top of your head so sweetly in contrast to how he was fucking you.
"i'm cumming! oh god, i'm cumming, spencer!" you cried out as you released the tension from inside of you.
only spencer wasn't done yet, so he took himself out of you, and he placed you on your back before reentering you. he moved in and out of you at a godly pace, trying to get himself to his climax before you would become too overwhelmed from the overstimulation.
"spen- spencer," you scratched at his back, surely leaving red marks for him to ogle once you were through. "i-i'm close," you sucked lightly at his earlobe before he moved his hand between the two of you, circling the little bundle of nerves at your crest.
"my little insatiable bunny, huh?" he smiled as you whimpered into his ear, nearing your second release. "loves my cock a bit too much, huh?"
"please! fuck!" you shouted out as you came on his dick, pulling at his hair. the clenching and fluttering of your pussy finally sending him over the edge, his hot release flooding your insides.
"fuck," he groaned into your ear as he carried the two of you through your releases. "good job, princess," he pressed a kiss to your neck as you stroked his hair, playing with it as you were still coming down.
"i'm sorry," you frowned once he pulled out, finally making eye contact as he lay down beside you.
"what for?" he asked incredulously.
"i just... i wanted to make you proud and i couldn't even finish without your help," you explained in a whiney manner, not allowing yourself to meet his beautiful eyes.
"hey," he grasped your chin to force you to make eye contact. "i love it when i have to help you reach that high. that's not something to be embarrassed or upset about."
"i know but i wanted to ride you and i couldn't even do that," you rolled your eyes.
"it takes time to get used to doing that," he chuckled. "and besides, riding someone on the bed is never a good way to begin. the couch is always better - that way you have the back of it to hold onto."
"really? so it's not that i'm just terrible at being a top?" your eyes widened with hope, he smiled at your eagerness.
"i think you could be a switch but it needs a bit of work, my love," he brushed your hair behind your ear before seeing your disappointed gaze and adding, "but i'll bet that with enough practice i could start calling you my little bunny, yea?"
"really?" you perked up at the proposition. "i want you to call me that."
"well then, i guess we better start practicing," he grinned before leaning in and giving you a sloppy kiss, his hands flying to your waist as he stood the both of you up to go to the couch.
needless to say, with spencer's guidance you were able to master the art of riding him. and you got that special little nickname, too.
taglist:
@averyhotchner
@greenprisca
@muffin-cup
@emilyprentisslittlewhore​
@spenxerslut​
if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please don’t hesitate to message me or leave a comment saying so!
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tetsunormous · 4 years ago
Text
Reencounters
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pairing: Matsukawa Issei x f!reader
genre: college au, friends to lovers, smut (18+), fluff
word count: 6.5K
warnings: cunnilingus, fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex, creampie, swearing, nipple play, pinning
A/N: This is for Ria's @bakugohoex's rich boy collab 💜 Congrat's on 3k!! thank you to @ohno-otome and @armins-futon for reading this for me. I love matsukawa but I don't write for him often so this has been really fun :)
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Walking into your new dorm room, you weren’t sure what to expect. Sure, you’ve seen the pictures online, but there’s nothing like the slightly dusty window letting in a hazy ray of light shining down onto the slight dip in the middle of the mattress you now call your own. Your desk almost touched the corner of your twin-sized bed, and your new bookshelf barely has enough room to fit half of the books you brought, but this was your new life. It didn’t dawn on you just how different university would be until you arrived this morning, but here you were, unpacking all your clothes into the cramped closet in the corner. Luckily, you’re in the building where you had a single room. Privacy was something you were worried about, and the communal washrooms will be something to get used to, but either way, this was a new start, and no matter how nervous you are, you’re grateful for it.
High school wasn’t terrible, but it definitely wasn’t what you expected it to be. Going into it, you obviously knew that it would be nothing like how the movies depicted, but you were excited. How bad could those four years really be if you had your best friend right by your side? He was incredible. He understood you better than anybody else, would be able to tell how you were feeling without the exchange of words, but most of all, he was your person, and you were his.
There was no doubting that in all your years of friendship.
But alas, like all good things in life, they must come to an end.
The summer going into the twelfth grade, he was longer your best friend. The boy that would go to the farmers market with you and your mom every other Sunday was now lining up for the newest sneaker drop. The boy that would rather spend the night at home and binge-watch your shared comfort show for the seventh time is now out with the boys sneaking into shisha bars and doing donuts in the community centre parking lots with their new cars. You watched as he slowly forgot about you, getting caught up in his new friendships and obsessing over material items that he never cared about before. It’s not that you were upset he found new friends. It’s that the only time he would reach out was to randomly drop off something he had bought you in hopes it would make up for him blowing you off again.
They started small, simple sweaters he knew you would like, but the gifts became almost ridiculous as time passed. He would never let you return them either, so now you have designer shoes for imaginary banquets. Of course, you were always grateful, but you would trade all his gifts just to spend time with him again. His family has always been wealthy, they always went on lavish vacations and drove the nicest cars, but you never really cared about what he spends his money on or just how much his parents make. You cared that he saw you as a person he wanted to be with rather than just someone he could shove gifts towards to make up for the quality time he’d miss.
But now you’re here. You were arriving three hours before the suggested move-in time because you didn’t want to be rushed to unpack before orientation starts later. You’ve seen a few people walking around on your floor, but neither of your neighbours have arrived, and honestly, you don’t mind because that means you’re able to blast your music without worry. As The 1975 fills your room, you stand still for a second, really taking in where you are. You’re now attending one of the best schools in the country, living on your own with a floor of people you don’t know yet. It starts to sink in that you are starting anew. The people who end up in the rooms next to you might just end up being your lifelong friends. As the song comes to an end, you decide it’s time to try to make yourself look a little more presentable since it’s almost time for people to start rolling in.
...
It’s almost five in the afternoon, and everyone on your floor is meeting outside on the field for a quick introduction before group dinner. You’re sitting with your knees pressed to your chest as the girl next to you tries to make small talk. To be fair, she’s incredibly sweet, but you can’t focus on her because somewhere behind you, there is a voice you think you recognize. There’s no way he would be here. Sure, you have no idea what school he ended up choosing, but if he ended up here, he would’ve at least texted you. Right? Before you can confirm your suspicions, orientation starts, and your group leader is already talking with more energy than you can handle.
The group of guys settle down close by, and you can’t stop yourself from looking over, wondering if you’ll see the head of brown curls. Instead, you’re met with a bunch of frat boy looking wannabes that instantly make your eyes roll. To say you’re disappointed that you didn’t see him was so stupid. It’s been over a year, yet here you were, hoping to magically bump into him as if this was some cliche movie. If anything, it’s frustrating. It’s frustrating that even though he stopped caring for you, you still longed to see him, to hear him laugh at one of your cheesy jokes. It’s even more frustrating that this new start you’ve been looking forward to, makes you miss him even more.
There are only sixteen people on your floor, but introductions take a lifetime because someone didn’t come on time. When they finally do show up, you almost laugh at this whole situation because, of course, it was him. Of course, he was strutting down the courtyard in some brand new Gucci sneakers and the same Balenciaga sweater he had bought for you a few months ago. Of course, the annoying group of boys behind you gesture for him as he quickly apologizes to the group leaders. And, of course, when you make eye contact, he’s the one looking at you with a mixture of shock and annoyance.
Quickly rushing back to your room after the meeting, you decide you’re ordering in tonight so that you don’t have to see him for at least another day. This is all so fucked up. You wrack your brain trying to understand how probable this whole situation is because, frankly, it feels like a sick joke, and on top of it, he’s the one annoyed?
Naturally, you spend the rest of the night unpacking the rest of your things before ordering your comfort food to wash down all the feelings you’re experiencing. Putting on your favourite show, you begin your tenth rerun as you bury yourself in your blankets. Part of you feels so stupid for completely ignoring your initial dinner plans, but you knew with the mindset you had at the moment, there was no way you would have enjoyed yourself. It’s a bit silly you haven’t left your room since picking up your takeout, you don’t even know who lives beside you, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.
Slipping into your slides, you head towards the washroom with your little toiletry bag. You pass by the girl you were sitting with earlier, and she sends you a smile. After apologizing for disappearing all night she just laughs and assures you nothing happened. She even points out where her room is if you were up to hang out tomorrow during frosh activities.
Just this interaction makes you feel better, and you quietly hum along to the familiar tune coming from the shower stall.
He used to play this song all the time, claiming it spoke to him the first time he heard it. Since then, it became the song he would play anytime he’d come to pick you up, explaining how this song is special because the ending always reminded him of you. It didn’t matter how long it’s been since the two of you hung out. Every time you heard ‘Pluto Projector,’ it would always bring a smile to your face. You even tried to show the song to your ex-boyfriend, but he never paid attention to your suggestions. He always claimed that his music taste was better. Thankfully that relationship only lasted a couple of months, but still, the regret of not waiting for someone worthy lingers in your mind.
While applying your moisturizer, you hear the water shut, the person pausing the song right as the orchestra starts to come in. Worried about who you may run into, you quickly pack up your stuff. You hear the click of the lock, and as you turn around, you’re met with him, with his curly hair all damp and his obnoxious teal blue robe wrapped loosely around his waist.
Rushing past him, you briskly walk towards your room, but before you can close the door, his foot jams between the doorframe. He pushes his way in and quietly closes the door, only to be met with the unimpressed look on your face. He circles around your room, eyes searching for any trace of your past friendship before standing back at the door.
“What do you want, Matsukawa?” you ask impatiently. It’s bad enough you run into the one person you wanted to forget, but now he’s standing in your room with a matching frown.
Something indescribable flashes across his eyes, and you can visibly see his frown deepen at your question. Leaning against your door, his arms come up to rub over his face, peeking at you through his fingers before letting out a long sigh. “When did I become Matsukawa? I thought I was Issei.”
You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your lips, and you realize how childish your grudge might be, but he has changed, and the man standing in front of you isn’t the same man you once called your best friend. “When you changed, Matsukawa. Issei was my best friend, and YOU are not.”
His eyes filled with confusion as his eyebrows furrow, taking a step forward towards you. “I’m sorry? I tried to stay in touch with you. You’re the one that stopped talking to me, so I’d try to send you things instead. How was I the one who changed?”
You stand there, staring at him for a second before shaking your head. “I can’t do this right now; I want to have a good day tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep. Please, leave my room.”
His eyes soften a little, and you can see a faint glimpse of his infamous lazy smile, “We both know you’re not going to be sleeping anytime soon,” he stalks over and kicks his slides off before sitting at the end of your bed. “Let’s talk about this because, frankly, I’m tired of watching you decide if you hate me every time you see me.”
The nerve of this man. The fact that he invites himself into your room, declares his stay, and then sits on your bed without permission. You don’t even know if he’s wearing anything under that robe as his hair is literally dripping onto your comforter. Regardless of what the situation is, this action alone has you seething. Turning towards your desk chair, you harshly pull out the slightly imbalanced piece of wood and sit down, silently questioning why he isn’t the one on the chair.
He watches you stomp around, and he kinda chuckles at your little tantrum, missing how easy it was to rile you up. Your glare at him would be a little scary if he didn’t see the way your lips mumbled to yourself. It’s honestly a little cute to watch you all frustrated with him even though he saw one of the shoes he bought you in your closet. Sure, they look brand new, but the fact that you brought them here with you must mean something.
The year you two spent apart has been really stressful on Matsukawa. He thought that you’d be happy that he could give you everything you wanted. He knew he wasn’t spending as much time with you as he used to, but he thought the gifts he spent hours lining up for would make up for it.
When you stopped returning his calls and texts, he was crushed. Everyone could see how he felt about you, but then he watched you get close to another man. Within two weeks, you were dating him, and he was left watching from a distance. Neither of you ever confirmed your feelings for each other, but he could tell that man wasn’t making you happy. He didn’t understand your different facial expressions, he didn’t care about what you had to say, but all he could do was watch the girl he wanted from the sidelines.
Sure, as time went on, Matsukawa also started talking to other girls. None of them ever became his girlfriend, he didn’t think it was fair to get with someone when he was set on you, but he had his fair share of hookups. He has money, a shit ton of it, but he never let that get to his head. It wasn’t his fault that he gained popularity when he started to get into name brands and upgraded his car, but none of that ever changed who he was — at least not to the degree you had him pinned.
He watches you carefully, your leg bouncing impatiently as your eyes glare daggers in his direction. He runs his hand through his hair and lets out a sigh, “what did I do wrong? You didn’t even give me a chance to fix whatever I did (y/n).”
The lamp in the corner of your room shines a dim yellow hue onto his features. His brows are knitted in concern as he leans forwards on his knees, his robe showing off a deep v down his chest. You can feel yourself freeze up at his question, goosebumps covering your skin, while your eyes pour into his. “You changed Matsukawa. You stopped making an effort to be there. I’m not some girl you can just buy with all your money. I have never cared about how much you have or what you can afford -- you know that! It doesn’t matter what. I always split things with you because I never wanted you to feel like I was there for your money. But then suddenly, you just stop showing up. You wouldn’t even tell me you made other plans, and I would just open my door to find some package you dropped off.”
His eyes search your face before letting out a deep sigh. “I tried! You wouldn’t answer any of my calls, I know I stopped explaining myself, but can you blame me? Don’t you think I want to take you around and introduce you to all my friends? Don’t you think I miss going on late-night drives with you to 7-11? Every time I would drive past there, you’re all I thought about. You and your stupid obsession with cheese taquitos and Arizona tea. Did you even think about how I felt when you decided to act like I don’t exist?” He hastily stands up and paces around in the confined space of your dorm room. He never raises his voice, so hearing him talk at a slightly louder volume was enough to let you know he was dead serious. “You know, I never stopped talking highly about you because as selfish as it is, those boys have an important family. They have the connections you dream about (y/n), so even when you started to ignore me to go out with that fucking ex-boyfriend of yours, I never said anything.”
He looks at you with pleading eyes before going to sit back down, his elbows now resting against his thighs. “I know you don’t care about my money, but I didn’t know how else to tell you I was still thinking about you. I tried to get you things that you’d like, things that you’d wear. But no, I had to watch you put on a fake smile and laugh at that asshole’s jokes while you stubbornly ignored me to the point I thought you had me blocked.”
Looking up at you through his curls, his hooded eyes looked darker before. His lips curled into a forced smile as he let out a breathy chuckle, “he didn’t deserve you. But what do I know, right?”
You sat there quietly, taking in what he had just said. You didn’t realize how hurt he was. To be frank, up till now, you were so consumed by your feelings, and you failed to consider his own. His head is hanging between his hands, and the silence in your room right now is insufferable. He’s just explained himself, yet all you can do is scoff at yourself. While you were obsessing over the fact that Matsukawa wasn’t coming over to watch another rerun of your favourite show, he was out picking out different gifts he thought you’d like. You didn’t even open the last few because your own emotions so blinded you. Hearing him take a deep breath, he stands up and smiles sadly at you, “nice talk, (y/n). Thanks for listening.”
“I’m sorry, Issei.”
He lifts his head to meet your gaze, and you can visibly watch as his shoulders relax. It’s been too long since he’s heard you call him by his first name.
“I’m sorry too. I should’ve just gotten out of the car to talk to you.”
You look at him with a small smile. Walking towards your bed, you sit down and pat the spot beside you, pulling him in for a hug. His robe is probably the softest thing you’ve ever felt in your life, your fingers sinking into the fabric as you hold him close. His arms are immediately wrapping around you, and you both stay like that for a minute before you pull back, a faint blush blooming on your cheeks.
“No, you have nothing to apologize for. You tried reaching out to me, you tried explaining yourself, but I didn’t even give you a chance. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I was so caught up I didn’t even think about what you were feeling. The fact that you still wanted to introduce me to your friends, even after all the stuff I did to you….I’m so sorry, Issei.”
He gives you a playful smile and lightly nudges your shoulder with his, “yea, that was kinda unfair, but good thing we talked it out, huh?”
You flash him a sheepish smile, but your eyes glimmer with happiness, “yea, it’s good you barged into my room at two in the morning. Just like old times.”
His smile instantly grows at your playfulness, and he gives you a mock scoff. “I’m sorry, but if I remember correctly, you’d beg for me to stay over at two am cause you decided you wanted to watch a scary movie. Have you gotten better with horror movies this year, or are you still as jumpy as I remember?”
The tip of your ears growing warm while you mutter out a quick “shut up.”
His laughter makes your heart beat against your chest because you missed it so much. It’s been a while since you got to hear him laugh with you, and without even thinking, you go in for another hug.
His arms easily hold you close, and one of his massive hands reaches up to pet your hair. “Missed me, didn’t you?” he asks, and you can feel him smirking, so you just nod, your fingers playing with the damp, short curls at the base of his nape.
“Issei?” you ask with a little murmur against his neck.
“Hmmm?”
You smile to yourself and pull back a little, so you can see his face, “so other than hanging out with your friends and keeping up with my relationship, what else have you been doing?”
His face drops as he looks at you with a deadpan stare, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a smile as you giggle at his reaction. He pushes you back, so you end up falling onto your mattress, his long limbs effortlessly straddling your legs. Before you can think about the position you’re in, his fingers start to poke all-around your torso, causing you both to laugh as he starts to tickle you. “You think you’re funny, huh?” His hands go to tickle your worst spot as he starts to talk, but you can’t hear him over your own laughter. His fingers slow down, but you keep giggling when you’re met with his lazy smirk, “I’m trying to talk, you know. It’s rude you’re laughing when I’m trying to speak to you.”
He leans forwards and has both hands resting at the side of your head. Your faces now inches apart, the faint smell of sandalwood from his body wash now becoming more apparent. You stare into his brown eyes, and it almost feels as if everything stopped for a few seconds. The lamp in your room doesn’t do him justice as the shadows of his face wash over his features, but even then, his eyes stare back at you with a slight twinkle as you catch your breath.
Reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck and you tug him close, crashing his lips onto yours. The sweet hints from his beloved Burt’s bee’s lip balm make his lips even softer than you imagined. The kiss is short, but as you both pull away, he’s staring at you with a goofy smile.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that, (y/n).”
“Me too, Issei,” you whisper back before his lips capture yours again, this time with more confidence. This kiss is much more passionate than the last, holding onto each other in hopes of deepening it. One of his hands travels down to grab your waist, his tongue sweeping across your bottom lip, asking for permission. Your lips part and your tongues swirl together effortlessly while your hands play with his hair, pulling him closer into your body.
His hand feels a little rougher than before against your bare skin because of how often he trains, running down the length of your leg. The light touch of his fingertips admires how smooth your skin is before they trail back up, stopping just before the edge of your pyjama shorts. Hooking your leg around his hip, he leans into your body even further and even nips at your bottom lip.
Matsukawa smirks and whispers against your lips, “did he ever kiss you like that?”
Slightly surprised at the question, you shake your head, answering honestly. “He never made me feel the way you do.”
You watch as his eyes dilate, flickering into a deep brown you’ve never seen on him. The hand that was previously on your leg is now cupping your cheek, stroking your face softly, while his own face blooms into a rare shade of pink. Still, his words are clear, “please...give me a chance? He never treated you right. Let me take care of you?”
Words can’t describe how his question made you feel. You spent years learning about Matsukawa, understanding him to the point where words weren’t necessary to see what was happening in his head. Not once did you think he reciprocated your feelings, let alone want to be with you. Yet, here you are, caged beneath his arms as his hopeful eyes pour into yours.
Turning your head slightly, you press a kiss onto his hand and smile. “Please?”
His face breaks into a smile. His cheeks are tinted rose as the corners of his mouth reach up to his eyes. Leaning down, he peppers kisses onto your face, the loose curls on his head tickling your cheeks as he giggles with you. The kisses trail down to your jaw, and he follows the natural curve of your jawline to your ear. “Is this okay?” he whispers softly, only continuing down this path when you give him a curt nod.
Your legs tighten around his waist when he begins to press open mouth kisses down your neck, gently nipping at the spots that make you let out shy little sounds. His tongue leaves kitten licks against your skin after he’s sucked on it, littering faint marks. Seeing you with light hickeys on the base of your neck and collarbones is completely self-indulgent for him. Thinking about waking up in the morning and seeing the marks he knows he gave you makes him inexplicably happy as he sucks particularly hard, causing you to wince.
Immediately he stops and turns to you, “I’m sorry, did I hurt you? D’you wanna stop?”
His concern for you is truly a breath of fresh air compared to what you had before. Shaking your head, you guide his hands to the edge of your sweater. “You bought this for me… it’s only fair I let you take it off.”
He studies your face for a second before his lips curl into a lazy smirk, quickly pulling the overpriced sweater off your body. He takes a sharp inhale when you reveal you aren’t wearing anything underneath as he’s met with your beautiful tits, nipples hard and pointed. “You let me in here knowing you weren’t wearing a bra? And here I thought you were a good girl.”
Noticing how your legs tighten around him, he smirks even wider. Leaning back down, his kisses trail down to your chest, and his lips feel soft and warm against your skin. His fingers take hold of your chin and force you to look down on him while his lips wrap around your nipple, the tip of his tongue flicking gently at the hardened bud. His hand palms against the fatty flesh of your other tit; his fingers are rolling your nipple before tugging on it experimentally.
Suddenly feeling shy, your arms come up to cover your face slightly just to have him lace his fingers with yours, pulling your arms away. “Don’t hide from me. Let me see how pretty you look. Let me hear how good I make you feel, okay?”
“I’ve never had someone play with my tits like this…”
He just stares at you, brows knitted as his smirk turns into a slight pout. “You’re with me now; that means every part of your body will be pleasured. I wanna hear and see all of you, okay?”
With a shy nod, you gently roll your hips against him, inviting more of his attention.
He kisses you once more, murmuring against your lips, “you’re so beautiful. Let me know if I’m going too fast, okay?”
His lips follow down your body once more, lightly biting your tit before using the flat part of his tongue to feel the valley between your chest. Matsukawa lets out a low moan as you arch upwards, pushing yourself closer to his touches. Letting go of your hands, he begins to massage the soft flesh of your tits and kiss down your stomach, the tip of his tongue trailing against the waistband of your shorts.
“Let me hear you ask for it; I don’t wanna do something you don’t want.”
“Isseiiii, please?” you whine out, the tip of your ears turning hot at the thought of asking for his tongue.
He smirks at you, looking up through his hooded eyes and tsks. “Be a good girl for me. Use your words.”
His words go straight to your pussy, and you can’t help the doe eyes look in your eyes when you whimper out, “please, Issei? Wanna feel your mouth on me.”
You watch as he takes in a sharp breath, the hunger in his eyes shining through despite the dim lighting in your room. He tugs at the end of your shorts until they’re completely off, repositioning himself lower until your legs are resting around his biceps. His eyes zone in on the way a sheer layer of slick coats your lips, happy that the attention he’s been giving you has pleased you. As he shimmies down on your bed, his legs now supporting himself on the floor, he nestles himself between your legs, easily spreading your things open with his arms. Sending you a knowing smile, he blows cool air directly onto your clit, loving how your walls flutter for him.
“You’re so sensitive, baby.”
“No one’s ever made me feel like this before...want more, please?”
You look down at him with pleading eyes, your hands cupping his face when you speak. Pressing a quick peck to your hand, he hips his head down and traces your pussy lips with his tongue, savouring how you taste.
The gasp that you let out once you felt his touch was adorable. It suddenly became the sound Matsukawa will chase after the more he gets to know your body and what it likes. He takes one long lap up your pussy, stopping just before your clit and using his fingers, he spreads your lips even more. Once your clit is all exposed, he flicks it gently with the tip of his tongue, looking up at you with all the confidence in the world. Hearing your little moans make him greedy for more, for more desperate and needy sounds, so he goes to press a kiss onto your bundle of nerves. Feeling you twitch beneath him, he gently places his lips around the sensitive bud and sucks earnestly, relishing in the way you buck your hips and call out his name. After a while of pure clitoral stimulation, he leans back up to watch your eyes blink back into focus on his face, a silly dazed smile on your face.
He winks at you and sticks his tongue into your drooling hole, swirling it around to feel the walls of your pussy clench around him. His fingers dig into the flesh of your thighs as he nuzzles his nose against your clit, his cock getting unbearably hard at the way you pant our pleas.
“I-issei! Please….need you inside, please!”
Coming back up for air, his hand leaves your thigh as his fingers start to tease around your hole, loving how your pussy clenches around nothing. So needy for his touches when he’s barely even started. He knows your orgasm was building, but he wants to take his time with you. You mean the world to him, and seeing you like this already makes him feel like the luckiest man at the moment.
Taking two of his fingers, he coats them in all your slick before slowly pushing them inside you. His eyes squeeze shut when he feels how tight you are, his mind immediately thinking about how you’d feel wrapped around his cock. When he’s finally inside, he pulls out slowly before sliding them back in, loving how you beg for more.
“Need more, please, Issei! Go faster, please.”
Your hands pull his head up to kiss you while his fingers begin to speed up. With the lewd sound of his hand slapping against your sopping wet pussy, his palm is applying pressure to your clit. Your moans are lost in your kisses, his other hand going back to playing with your sensitive nipple.
“I have to stretch you out, babygirl. I don’t want my cock to hurt you.”
All you’re able to do is nod as his fingers start to scissor your hole, stretching you out even more. His fingers, now knuckle deep, curl against your sweet spot, making you grip onto his hair as he swallows all your cries, suddenly remembering that the walls in this dorm probably aren’t that thick.
His fingers curl into you more, whispering sweet praises as his hand teases and tugs on your swollen nipple. Everything happened so quick, and you’re cumming all over his hand, your sweet sticky arousal covering his fingers as he slows down. Matsukawa is smiling down at you, “you did so well, baby. Bet that felt really good, huh?”
Maybe you’re needy or just horny, but even after your orgasm, you start tugging the tie that keeps his robe up. Your legs are sore, sorer than they’ve ever been, but all you can think about is how full you would feel with him inside of you. He smirks at you as he pops his fingers into his mouth, sucking off all your juices before letting his robe fall and chucking it to the ground. He’s wearing his briefs, but you can see how hard his cock is under the thin cotton material. Before you’re able to pull his underwear down, he stops you and lets out a small chuckle. “I’m sorry, I don’t have a condom. We don’t have to do anything.”
You giggle and shake your head, “don’t need one; we’re in university, baby. What’s a little fun without risks?”
He lets you pull his underwear down, and his massive throbbing cock instantly slaps against his stomach as he laughs at your reaction. “Had to make sure you were stretched out enough.”
You bite your lips and stare at how big his cock actually is. It’s hard to imagine how you’ll fit that inside of you, but you’re determined to give it a try.
“You ready, pretty girl?” he asks as he taps the tip of cock against your clit, loving how you squirm under him.
“mmhmm, Issei.”
He lets go of his cock and leans up, and pulls you into a deep kiss, completely in awe of you.
“Tell me if you wanna stop, kay?”
Replying with a small hum, he gathers up the remaining slick that’s leaking out of your pussy and strokes his cock slowly, also letting his spit drip down to help lubricate himself. He lines himself up with your pretty pussy and starts to push the head in, studying your face to make sure you’re doing alright. When he sees you smiling back at him, despite the grip you have on his arms, he pushes another two inches inside of you.
“You’re doing so good for me, baby. We’re almost halfway,” he whispers into your ear as he kisses your neck softly, sucking on the spot by the base of your lobe. “Such a good girl for me,” he coaxes as his cock slides another inch into your sweet cunt.
Incredibly, he’s only halfway down because you’ve never felt this full before. Still, your fingers dig into his arms when you ask for more. “Just want all of you in me, please?”
Hearing you ask for more even though you already looked fucked out sparks something inside him. He lets out a low growl and quickly pushes the rest of his length inside you, mumbling sweet nothings against your skin. He moans out with you when he feels how warm and tight you are, your pussy stretching more than it ever has to accommodate his size.
“Feel s’good, Issei.”
With a breathy chuckle, he peppers kisses all over your neck, loving the sound of your soft giggles as he pulls back three-quarters of the way, slowly pushing his way back into you. The gasp you let out is different than before, much more surprised but sensual.
He continues this motion a few more times before he picks up the pace, his hips slamming against you while your tits bounce. Each thrust knocks the air out of your chest cause he’s brushing against your spot every time. Matsukawa leans down and presses his forehead against the crook of your neck, muttering how good you feel.
“F-faster...need you faster, is’o good, please.”
Obliging to your pleas, he starts to rut his hips into yours, the sound of his balls slapping against your skin with each movement. He looks up to see your dreamy eyes and smiles. He knows there’s not a thought behind those eyes right now as his cock slams against your walls with each thrust. He goes to kiss you again, silencing your cries as your nails drag down his arms, trying to ground yourself in the midst of all the pleasure.
“You’re s-tight baby I- fuuuuuck, I can barely move.”
You can’t help it. Your walls are naturally squeezing him because he’s fucking straight into your sweet spot with each snap of his hips. You look at him with hazy eyes, entirely in a trance as you moan out his name. He can tell you want to cum, so his hand reaches down to rub your clit as his cock continues to pound into you.
“C’mon baby, cum all over my cock. You can do it...ah shit, yea, just like that.”
He’s been trying so hard not to cum but watching your back arch into him as your nails drab down his back, his name falling out from your lips in a loud erotic moan, is making it really hard. He looks down in surprise when he sees a creamy white rim around his cock, proud of himself for making you cream.
“Good girl...that’s my fuckin girl.”
Satisfied he made you finish, his head falls back onto your shoulder, his hips just rutting into you as he chases his own orgasm. Not even a minute later, he’s calling out for you as he quickly pulls out, cumming all over your tits. His chest heaves along with yours, his hair sticking to his forehead slightly as he empties his load all over your chest.
Once you’ve both calmed down a little bit, he smiles down at you and goes to stroke your cheek. “Had you creaming on my cock, was it fun? Did you have a good time?”
“S’good...thank you, baby,” you say before pulling him down for a kiss.
He gets up and reaches for his robe, “you did so good, took me like a champ heh. I’ll be back with a rag to clean you up, okay? Don’t move.”
As he leaves your room, you stare up at the ceiling and let out a laugh. Not even twelve hours ago, you were cursing the fact that he was here with you, and now you have his cum all over your tiddies as he goes to get stuff to clean you up.
You watch as he comes back into your room, fully changed with a rag in his hand. He kneels beside you and pets your hair as he starts to wipe his mess.
“Why’re you changed?”
“Oh! We’re going to 7-11 once I get you cleaned up.”
“.....it’s like three-thirty in the morning.”
“I’ll get you taquitos and Arizona,” he says as he goes to wipe around your pussy, mindful not to put too much pressure cause you’re still sensitive.
“And skittles?”
He snorts and kisses your shaking thigh, “yea, I’ll get you skittles, brat.”
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© tetsunormous 2021
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munstysmind · 3 years ago
Text
TRAPPED - HENRY CAVILL
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WARNING/S: Talk of unprotected sex, shitty family member/s, swearing, mention of death, angry Henry, protective Henry… just Henry
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORK TO BE USED IN ANY CAPACITY
Divider by @firefly-graphics
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“Hey, has anyone seen Molly?” Henry asks as he walks inside. He hadn’t seen his girlfriend in a while and was starting to get a little worried, it wasn’t like her to disappear during a family function, especially one they were hosting
“Uh yeah, she came inside about five minutes ago. Henry… she was crying, Kal was right behind her” his brother tells him
“Damn it… OK, thanks Charlie” he says, rubbing face with his hands
He knows exactly where she’ll be so he heads upstairs to the master bedroom. Sure enough he finds her on their bed, curled up in a ball and hugging a pillow tight to her as she sobs while Kal lays protectively against her back. Henry lets out a sad sigh. He hates seeing her like this, more than anything.
“Mo…” he says softly, sitting on the bed next to her. She starts sobbing even harder and buries her face in the pillow she was hugging. He reaches forward and runs his finger through her hair before gently massaging her scalp in an attempt to calm her. She visibly relaxes at his touch, she always finds it calming. He was her sanctuary. No matter what was going on in her world he was always there, always her person. After a few minutes, when she has stopped sobbing, she lifts her face from the pillow and looks at him, giving him a small smile.
“You OK?” he asks. She lets out a soft hum in response to his question. She wasn’t OK, not in the slightest.
“You feeling sick again?” he frowned, running his hand over her forehead
“No”
“Talk to me, what’s going on?”
“Do you feel trapped?”
“What?”
“By us?” she clarifies, moving the pillow and placing her hand on her small baby bump
“Mo…” he breathes out, placing a hand over hers, shocked at what she was asking.
“You know you don’t have to stay out of obligation Hen”
“Sweetheart, where the hell is this coming from?”
He looks at her, face all red, eye bloodshot and full of tears when something clicks. Some of his family had taken quite a while to accept her, he’s pretty sure there’s some that still haven’t. She wasn’t a “normal” girl. She had piercings, tattoos, her hair was currently a silvery purple, which he absolutely loved on her. She swore, she spoke her mind, she didn’t take shit from anyone.
Not exactly the “respectable” girl some of the older generation thought he should settle down with. They would rather he was with a quite girl who did what she was told, Molly was the complete opposite. It’s one of the countless reasons he loves her, she challenged him on a daily basis, in a good way. She made him a better man.
“What was said?”
She opens her mouth to speak but closes it again, not wanting to tell him. She knows it’s only going to make him more angry than he already is. When it came to Molly, Henry was incredibly protective, he couldn’t help it.
Not a lot got to her, so the fact that someone had said something to her that had made her so upset meant they were automatically in his bad books, regardless of who they were.
“Sweetheart…”
“I got pregnant on purpose… to trap you… for your money” she says after a long pause. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, anger starting to rise to the surface.
“Mo, you did not trap me. We got drunk and forgot to use protection, if anything it’s my fault. I’m the one who got you pregnant. And yeah, this baby was an accident but I wouldn’t change it for the world, you know that. As for my money. I don’t give a fuck, as far as I’m concerned its yours as much as it is mine. And you contribute too, you work just as hard, if not harder than me. You make great money. More than enough to support yourself and our child. You have never asked me for money, not once, unless it’s for Kal or related to the house”
“You brought my new car”
“Yeah, as a gift, because I wanted to, not because you asked for it. I am aloud to buy the woman a love gifts every now and then”
“But…”
“Please don’t start on the price tag again Mo, we’ve been over this. It’s not like I can’t afford it. And it’s as much for our baby as it is for you”
She lets out a small huff as she sits up and tries to glare at him which just makes him chuckle. He finds her adorable when she’s trying to pretend to be mad with him. When she’s actually mad is a different story, she can be downright scary when she’s angry.
“It’s not funny” she grumbles, trying so hard to keep a straight face
“You’re too cute, you know that?” he tells her, placing a light kiss on her nose. She lets out a small laugh and a smile spreads across her face as she sniffs, her nose running slightly as a result of her crying.
“There’s that smile I love so much”
He gently takes her face and wipes her tears away with his thumbs before gently kissing her forehead. She closes her eyes and lets out a small hum, leaning into him.
“Sweetheart…” he says cautiously, he knows she’s going to fight him in this “who said this to you?”
“No”
As incredibly strong willed and vocal as she is, she hates confrontation. He know this but he can’t stay quiet, not about this.
“Molly, I need to know… please”
“Hannah” she whispers, looking at her hands. Of course it was Hannah. Henry’s cousin had made no secret about the fact that she didn’t like Molly. God only knows why. He lets out a low growl and gets up, he was about to give Hannah a piece of his mind and he wasn’t going to be nice about it. He starts to leave but she stops him, grabbing his wrist
“Please don’t”
“Molly”
“You’re gonna say something”
“You’re damn right I’m going to say something. She had no right to say what she said. I’m not going to keep quiet about it”
“Hen… it’s OK”
“No, it’s not. You’re up here in tears, hiding from everyone. In what world do you think that that’s OK?”
“But…”
“Sweetheart, this isn’t the first time she’s done something like this. She has never shown you any sort of respect. I’m done. Enough is enough. She needs to be told”
She knows he’s right, something had to be said. She just wish it didn’t have to be while Henry’s entire extended family was there. She lets out a sigh and gets off the bed before smoothing out the bed cover and fixing the pillows. It makes Henry smile. They were the only people who ever saw this room but she gave it the exact same care and attention as the rest of the house. When she moved in with him she had single handedly turned his house into their home and she took great pride in it.
They head downstairs, closely followed by Kal. He barely leaves her side anymore. He can sense the hormones from the pregnancy and had become even more protective of her than before, something they didn’t think was possible. She sits on the couch, Kal curling up by her side, resting his chin on the top of her thigh. It’s was his go to position. Comfortable while also protecting the bump that housed his growing future best friend.
“Can I get you anything?” Henry asks, running his fingers through her hair
“No, I’m good”
“OK”
As he turns to head outside she feels her heart rate starts to increase and grabs his wrist, stopping him for the second time today.
“Wait…” she begs. As he makes eye contact with her he sees the tears that are starting to form as she silently pleads with him not to make a huge scene. With a sigh he kneels in front of her and takes her hands in his.
“Sweetheart, I’ve got to say something. She hurt you, that is not OK”
Residing herself to the fact that he was going to pull Hannah up over what she said weather she wanted him to or not, Molly just closed her eyes and gave him a small nod. She feels his lips against her forehead as he places a gentle kiss against her skin.
“I love you” she whispers, opening her eyes and looking at him.
“I love you too… and you” he says, placing his hand on her bump and smiling when he felt movement under his palm
“They always know when it’s you” she says loving, looking down at his hand on her bump. The baby always kicked when he touched her growing stomach. She looks back at him and leans in for a gentle kiss.
“I’m sorry but I have to” he says against her lips before giving her another quick kiss
“I know”
Taking a deep breath he raises his brows and gives her a look that she knows too well, his ‘wish me luck’ look, before standing up and heading outside while he braces himself for what’s about to happen. Hannah is going to be pissed with him but he doesn’t care. Nobody speaks to the woman he loves like that, nobody. Scanning the crowd he spots Hannah and storms over to her. She was talking with his mother. Great.
“Hannah”
“Henry, we were just talking about the baby. How exciting, another mini Cavill running around” she said, smiling sweetly. Henry wanted to slap it right off her face
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he growls
“Excuse me?” his cousin replies, like she doesn’t know what she’s done
“Henry!” his mother scolds, shocked at her son’s behaviour
“What did you say to Molly?” he demands, ignoring his mother. Hannah lets out a laugh and shakes her head smugly
“Of course she ran to you. Couldn’t handle being called out. It’s pathetic”
“What did you say?” he demands again, accentuating each word this time. He wasn’t playing.
“Only what we’re all thinking but nobody except me is brave enough to actually say”
“How dare you. How dare you speak to her like that. I just found her hiding in our room in fucking tears. She already has to deal with enough shit from my so called fans, she doesn’t need it from my family as well”
“What?!” his mother says, looking at Hannah. She clearly has no idea what was said.
“She’s had a difficult few months and now you’ve got it in her head that I’m only staying with her out of obligation, because she’s pregnant”
“Well, are you? I mean, you’re even not married and you’re having a child with her”
“For christ sake Hannah, it’s the 21st century, so what if we’re not married. We’ve been together for six years, longer than some marriages. If it was something she really wanted, I would have proposed years ago. We’re have an incredible life together. We’re happy. Which is more than I can say for you. Next to meeting each other, this baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to us. We want this, I want this. And for you to say that she got pregnant on purpose, for my money? She didn’t trap me Hannah”
“For fuck’s sake Henry, when are you going to wake up, she’s using you, how can you not see that?”
“Stop, just stop. I’m serious. You need to learn your place. You had zero right to say what you said, I don’t care if it’s what you think. You owe her a massive apology”
“Well someone here needed to say it. I’m not apologising to her if that’s what you think, I’ve done nothing wrong”
“If you’re not going to apologise then you need to leave, now. You’re not welcome here”
Behind Henry she sees Molly on the couch, laughing at Kal while she gives him tummy rubs. She storms past him, furious that Molly told on her
“STOP!”
Hearing Henry yell, Molly looks over and she sees Hannah coming over to her. Her face drops when she realises many of their guests are also looking towards Henry, unsure at what caused him to yell.
“I hope you’re happy. You’ve got what you wanted. You’re going to bleed him dry. He’s stuck with you now because you couldn’t keep your fucking legs shut. Is the baby even his?” Hannah screams at her, making Kal go into protection mode and growl at her, guarding his human mother.
“THAT’S ENOUGH” Henry yells, stepping in front of Hannah, blocking her from Molly. He had never been angrier in his life. He didn’t care the Hannah was family or a woman, he was fighting the strong urge to knock her on her ass.
“Get… Out” he snarls through gritted teeth
“Look at you. The mighty protector. She’s really got you wrapped around her little finger doesn’t she?”
“I’m not asking again. Either you leave or I will remove you. Your choice”
“She’s destroying your life”
“NOW!”
As Hannah storms out Henry closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before turning to see Molly racing up the stairs with Kal right behind her.
“Fuck” he mutters, racing after her, taking two and three stairs at a time. He finds her on the floor of their room, crying hysterically into Kal’s side. His heart breaks. She didn’t deserve what Hannah had just done to her. Without saying a word he bends down, gently pulls her up and tries to wrap her in a hug but she’s not having any of it.
She lets out a small growl and pushes into his chest, trying to get him away from her but she’s so small that it doesn’t have any effect. He knows she’s not trying to hurt him. She’s overwhelmed. She did the same thing when she found out her brother died. She tried to physically push him away because she couldn’t process what had happened. She looks at him, tears running down her face and gives up, burying her face into his chest as he wraps his arms around her in a protective bear hug. He feels her whole body relax and lean into his embrace.
“You shouldn’t have said anything, I asked you not to”
“I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t think she would go off at you like that. If i’d of known, I wouldn’t have said anything to her, not here anyway”
“She hates me”
“I know sweetheart, but you don’t have to worry about her anymore, I promise”
“What?” she says, looking up at him confused
“She’s no longer welcome in our life Mo, I’m cutting her off”
“You don’t have to do that”
“Yes, I do”
“But she’s your family”
“Molly, you are my family. I love you. I love our baby. Nothing is going to change that, you understand me, nothing”
His words make her start to cry again and she returns her face to his chest, gripping his shirt tightly in her hands. He carefully walks her over to the bed and sits down before pulling her into his lap. She curls up, tucking her head under his chin while she continues to cry. He wraps his arms around her and and gently rocks her while he curses himself. He’s so angry. Angry at Hannah. Angry at himself. Yes, Hannah needed to be be spoken to and have the law laid down to her but he should have waited. His protectiveness of Molly got the better of him and the result hurt her even more.
After a while her crying stops and he realises she’s cried her self to sleep in his arms. He carefully stands up and carries her to her side of the bed, placing her down as carefully as he can so he doesn’t wake her. He gently moves the hair that’s fallen in her face out of the way before leaning down and kissing her temple.
“I love you, so much. You’re my world” he whispers to her before turning his attention to her bump
“And I love you little one. Daddy can’t wait to meet you” he tells his unborn child before kissing the bump he loves as much as the woman it belongs to.
He gets the throw blanket from the end of the bed that is normally used for decorative purposes and covers her tiny body. While he wants nothing more than to curl up next to her and hold her tight, there are dozens of family members in their back garden so he reluctantly heads downstairs, leaving Kal to watch over her while she sleeps.
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when-i-was-your-angel · 4 years ago
Text
A Favor
James “Bucky” Barnes x Reader
5,584 words
Y/N, the Avengers resident seamstress, tailors a suit for Bucky. She cashes in her favor.
NSFW: Virginity Loss, Virginity Loss as a favor, Minor Alcohol Use, Lingerie, Fingering, Oral female receiving, oral male receiving, facefucking, deepthroating, praise kink, missionary, Bucky’s metal arm, curvy reader, minor insecure reader, body worship, hickeys, angst, fluff, smut, hurt comfort ending.
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   Six months ago Bucky Barnes needed help. He couldn’t find a suit that fit right around his arm and having one tailored by a stranger was too uncomfortable. So, he approached Y/N. As the team’s resident seamstress, he had grown used to Y/N’s gentle hands and soft touches while she worked on various aspects of his tactical gear. This was different, though. This wasn’t work. This was a favor. Friends do favors. Bucky didn’t have friends. Especially not really pretty soft-spoken friends. But, Stark insisted he have a nice suit for some gala, so he asked.     
     Y/N had immediately accepted, saying it was no problem. It really wasn’t. Tailoring was her job after all. His suit ended up looking phenomenal and Bucky got quite a few compliments, making sure to tell everyone who designed his sleek black suit. Bucky offered to pay her but she refused. Bucky insisted on doing something to pay her back. They ended up agreeing that he owed her a favor.
       Over the time she was tailoring him, they grew close. Y/N and Bucky were unlikely friends, but they quickly became the best of them. Bucky would bring her lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when he had nightmares he’d call her and they’d talk for hours, he brought her coffee in the mornings, and she brought him freshly made gloves every time he tore his open. They were just perfect for each other. Best friends and nothing more.
    Now, six months past the gala, Y/N has decided to cash in her favor. She’s pacing her small apartment. Her faded blue jeans hugged her hips as she walked and her blouse was unbuttoned slightly more than what would be considered professional. It was seven in the evening, Y/N had just arrived home from work. She had made plans with Bucky a week ago and he would be arriving any minute. She was in the middle of pouring herself a glass of wine when a knock came at the door. Y/N rushed over to it, smoothed her hair down, and opened the door.
    Bucky looked amazing. Dressed in dark jeans and that black fucking tee shirt. He had on his leather jacket and glove, but she knew he would take those off once inside.
    “Come in.” Y/N moved aside to allow him access and he smiled, taking his jacket off and putting it on her coat rack. His hair had grown out slightly, no longer trimmed close to the scalp. The realization made Y/N squeeze her thighs together in anticipation.
    “You want anything to drink?” Y/N asked, retreating to her kitchen to fetch her abandoned glass of white wine.
    “Water would be nice.” Bucky sat on her couch, waiting for her to return. Y/N made him a glass of water just how he liked it. Cool water from the fridge with no ice. He always said the cold hurt his teeth, but she knew he hated the way the cold glass felt on his metal hand.
    Y/N returned to the couch, sitting on the opposite end and tucking her legs underneath herself. She offered him his glass of water which he took with a muttered thank you.
    “So, what’s this about?” Bucky asked, taking a sip of his water. His left arm was draped around the back of the couch, his right arm in his lap holding his water. He had his left leg half-crossed over his right. He looked good. Casual. Like he belonged in the space.
    “I wanted to cash in my favor.” Y/N couldn’t look at him. Her eyes were glued to her hands in her lap. “For tailoring your suit.”
    “What, six months of the pleasure of my company wasn’t enough?” Bucky gave her a smile to try and lighten the mood but when he saw the look on her face he quickly grew serious.
    “What’s up, doll? Talk to me.” Bucky leaned forward and set a hand on her knee. Y/N looked down at his hand, then at his stark blue eyes, and took a large gulp of her wine.
    “Ok. So uh… the thing is... “ Y/N mumbled and trailed off, nervous beyond all belief.
    “Do you need money? Is Stark not paying you enough?” After she shook her head, Bucky spoke again. “What is it then?”
    “I- I need you to have sex with me.” Y/N said, looking up to meet his eyes. Bucky’s face was completely neutral. Not neutral- frozen, Y/N realized.
    “I know it’s totally unfair to ask this of you but please, just listen.” Bucky gave her a barely perceptible nod.
    “When I was in high school, I did everything right. I didn’t date, I didn’t party, I studied. That’s it. Then college came around and I couldn’t let loose like I wanted to. Studying and working was just too ingrained in me. So, I’ve never…” She trailed off, hoping Bucky would understand.
     “Never what?” With anyone else, Y/N would’ve thought they were messing with her. But Bucky had said it himself, he couldn’t lie to her. His face was genuine.
     “Never had sex, Buck.” Y/N looked down at her hands, picking at her fingernails.
     “You mean you’re a-”
     “Yeah.”
     “And you want me to-”
     “There’s no one I trust more than you.” Y/N met his eyes and saw the internal battle in them. He wanted to be there for her, but he didn’t trust himself. He eventually broke the thick silence to ask her a question.
     “But, you’re twenty-two. How have you never had sex?” Bucky brought a hand to rest on his jaw, looking like he was solving a puzzle.
     “I’ve gotten close. My ex-boyfriend he uh- he tried a few times. But it never felt right. It felt gross and I was so nervous I wanted to puke. After I wouldn’t put out, he dumped me.” Y/N tucked her knees under his chin, curling into herself.
     “Matt?” She nodded. “I knew he was a scumbag.” Bucky sat forward and took his head in his hands, running his hands through his hair.
     “Why does it have to be me, again?” Bucky asked, still staring at the floor.
     “Because I trust you more than anyone else. Because I know you won’t let things get weird between us.” Bucky looked up at her and smirked.
     “I hoped my charming nature might’ve played into it a bit.” He gave Y/N his signature shit-talking grin. She rolled her eyes and kicked him lightly. After a few seconds the air turned heavy between them.
     “You don’t have to. I won’t be mad or anything. I just-” She sighed. “I don’t want it to be some one night stand with a guy I’ve never met. I know it’s stupid but I-”
     “It’s not stupid. I understand.” Bucky turned to face her and took her hand in his.
     “You trust me?” He asked, his blue eyes piercing her hazel ones.
     “Yes.” She answered honestly.
     “Ok.”
     “Ok? Does that mean yes?” Bucky laughed softly at that.
     “Yeah, yeah. You’ve convinced me. Let me go freshen up, hm?” Y/N gave him a smile and a nod. “Be right back, doll.” Bucky stood up with a disbelieving shake of his head and walked to Y/N’s bathroom.
     Y/N took a deep breath and threw her hand to her face. She could feel the heat on her cheeks, searing her hand. She reached for her wine, forgotten on the coffee table, and downed the rest of the glass. God knows she needed liquid courage.
    Bucky returned and Y/N only stared at him as he approached. Her eyes wide in anticipation. Bucky stopped inches in front of her and offered his hand.
    “I ain’t taking you on the couch, doll.” Bucky said in his smooth voice. The words combined with the tone had her clenching her thighs, something that didn’t go unnoticed. He gave a small smirk as she took his hand and let him lead her to her bedroom. Once inside the room, he motioned for her to sit on the bed and she did so. He kneeled in front of her and took her hands in his.
    “You sure about this, sweetheart?” Bucky was incredibly kind in his words, making sure she was positive.
    “You’re only making me more sure, Buck.” Y/N smiled at him and couldn’t help her eyes glancing down at his lips. They were so close to hers. She looked back to his eyes and saw that they were on her lips.
    “Can I kiss you?” His voice was quiet and low as his breath fanned across her lips. She nodded and brought a hand to his jaw as he leaned in. The first kiss they shared was short. Barely three seconds. But when Bucky pulled away and saw her eyes half-closed and pupils blown wide, he went back for more. Their lips crashed together and all Y/N could think about was how soft he was. The pink lips on hers felt like pillows, the hands on her knees felt like clouds. His hands travelled her denim-clad thighs and reached her round hips. Bucky gave an experimental squeeze, eliciting a moan from Y/N. Bucky smiled into the kiss.
    Y/N ran her hands into his hair, tugging lightly on the strands. Bucky groaned and pulled away slightly, only to move his lips to her neck. He left small love bites, soothing the bruised flesh with his tongue. Y/N whimpered and gasped as he worked.
    “Sensitive there, doll?” Bucky whispered against her skin. She could only nod, lost in him. He chuckled and pulled away, tugging at her shirt in silent question. She leaned back and pulled her shirt over her head, revealing baby blue lingerie. A laced corset accentuated her full breasts. There were lacy straps descending into her jeans, leaving just enough to the imagination. Bucky’s eyes travelled her form greedily. His hands came to rest on her waist, thumbs caressing the thin fabric.
    “Christ, Y/N. You’re gonna kill me.” Bucky pushed his lips into hers again letting his hands roam her figure freely now.
    “You next.” Y/N said between kisses as she pulled on his shirt. Bucky separated from her to pull his black tee shirt off.
    “Don’t expect anything lacy, doll.” Bucky gave her a minute to catch a breath. Her eyes roamed his form. She brought her hands to his chest and let her fingernails scratch over his abs gently. Bucky gave a low groan in his throat and covered her hands with his.
    “Baby… Don’t start something you’re not going to finish.” Bucky met her eyes to gauge her reaction.
    “Who says I’m not going to finish? I fully plan on finishing.” Y/N gave him a smirk and scratched her hands on his chest again.
    “Fuck, you asked for it.” Bucky groaned and pounced on her. Her back hit the bed and he leaned over her, caging her between his arms. She arched her hips into his and felt his erection even through both of their jeans.
    “Too many layers. Need to- need to feel you.” Y/N spoke between kisses. Bucky nodded and started kissing her neck again, trailing his tongue down the exposed skin. He left open mouthed kisses on her stomach through the lace of her lingerie. He popped the button on her jeans and pulled the zipper down, slowly dragging the denim down her thighs. Once they were off her long legs, he saw the continuance of her lingerie.
   Baby blue garters were strapped to her thighs, connected to crotchless panties. Glistening folds peaked out from behind the lacy material. He let out a sigh at the sight. Bucky tripped trying to rid himself of his own jeans, making Y/N giggle. His eyes snapped back to hers, amusement dancing in the blue.
   “What’s so funny, babydoll?” He crawled over her again, his black boxers the only thing left restraining his aching cock. She looked up at him with a ditzy smile on her face.
   “You’re a super soldier and you’re a-” Her words were cut off by a moan as Bucky’s right hand swiped through her folds, gathering her wetness on his fingers.
   “What was that, doll? You were saying?” He smirked at her as his fingers toyed with her clit. She only whined and moved her hips, rutting against his hand. Bucky looked down at her heat then back to her face, lost in pleasure.
   “Shit, baby. You fucking my hand?” Y/N nodded as a red blush came to her cheeks. Bucky leaned in to kiss her neck some more, letting her get herself off on his hand. She whimpered something he couldn’t quite hear.
   “Hm?” He pulled away from her neck, a goofy smile on his face, feeling drunk on her skin.
   “Said more, Buck. Please.” Her eyes opened to meet his, pleading want showing in the hazel hue. Bucky smiled and nodded, kissing down her body once again. Seeing where he was going, Y/N spoke.
   “You don’t have to- oh. Oh.” Her hands flew to the sheets as Bucky’s tongue slipped through her folds. Bucky sat up and pulled her hands to his hair, encouraging her to pull on it. He returned to her cunt and lapped at her clit. Y/N shivered underneath his touch. All the things he was doing were new experiences for her and Bucky was making sure they were all amazing. His tongue moved down to her hole, prodding at the entrance gently. He hooked her thighs over his shoulders and brought a thumb to her clit, rubbing small circles.
   “Bucky…” Various expletives and combinations of his name fell from Y/N’s lips as Bucky worked. “Bucky, your fingers. Please.” Y/N’s light gasp filled the air. Bucky nodded against her and brought his flesh hand up to tease her slit. Y/N caught the hand in her own and shook her head.
   “I want…” She trailed off, the embarrassment too much.
   “Want what, doll?” Bucky left small kisses on her thighs in reassurance.
   “I want the metal one.” Bucky’s eyes went wide at her words.
   “You- you want this? This turns you on?” He held up his hand, black and gold shimmering in the dull light of her bedroom. He had a look of pure confusion on his face. His hand was not something to be used here, with her. It was hard and cold and unforgiving, all things she was not. “Are you sure-”
   Bucky’s words were cut off as Y/N took his metal hand and lifted his index finger to her mouth, wrapping her swollen lips around it. She took the finger into the base, letting the tip hit the back of her throat. She coated it with her saliva and as she pulled it away there was a trail of wetness leading to her mouth.
   “Fuck… Christ, Y/N. You’re gonna give me a heart attack.” He pulled his metal finger from her grip and brought it to her heat, teasing the entrance with the first knuckle. She shivered and arched her back into his touch, trying to get more of him inside her. He slowly pushed the black and gold finger in, curling it experimentally. Y/N let out a pornographic moan when his finger brushed one particular spot. Bucky smirked.
    “Found you.”
    He brought his lips back to her clit, alternating between short licks and sucking the bud into his mouth. His finger maintained a steady pulse, hitting her G-spot with every movement. He could feel her clenching around his finger, her pussy pulling him in further.
   “You gonna cum, baby?” Bucky asked quickly, not wanting to take his mouth from her sweetness for any elongated time.
   “Yes, Bucky, Please, I’m so close.” She gripped his hair, pulling on it as she had imagined doing earlier.
   “Cum for me, doll. Cum all over my fucking metal hand.” The gentle vibrations of Bucky’s voice and the reminder of what exactly was making her feel so good sent her careening over the edge, holding onto his hair to keep her grounded in her body.
   “Bucky! Fuck, yes. Don’t stop, don’t fucking stop.” Her hips moved against his face, prolonging her orgasm. Bucky moaned into her center, enjoying the view of a beautiful girl in blue lingerie riding his face. When her hips stilled and her breath slowed, Bucky pulled away, his face covered in her slick. A blush came over her face at the sight.
   “You embarrassed?” Bucky asked her, coming to crawl over her again. She nodded briefly.
  “Don’t be. C’mere, baby. Taste yourself. Fucking delicious.” He pulled her to him by the neckline of her corset, crashing their lips together. She licked at his lips and he moaned at the feeling. Y/N pulled away and looked up at him with her swollen lips and darkened eyes. Bucky knew she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. He pulled the straps of the garters away from her body and let them snap back against her soft skin.
   “This needs to go.” Y/N hummed in agreement and looked at him mischievously. She hooked her leg under his and flipped them so he was on his back. His eyes widened in wonder and confusion, silently asking for an explanation.
   “Nat.”
   “Of course.”
   Y/N climbed off him and began pulling the various straps off her body. Slowly and teasingly, she became more exposed to him. Bucky palmed himself through his boxers as he watched, letting out small gasps every time a new segment of skin was unveiled. When she had taken the garters off, the only thing left was the corset. She reached behind her to unclip the buttons and let the garment fall to the ground. Bucky’s mouth dropped open as her breasts were finally revealed. She brought her arms to cover her chest, embarrassed. His gaze darkened and he reached his hands out, beckoning her to him. She climbed into his lap and his hands came to rest on the small of her back. He took her hands and guided them away from her chest.
   “Baby, shit, why’re you hiding these?” Bucky’s hands ghosted around the sides of her heavy breasts.
   “I don’t like them.” Y/N admitted honestly. Bucky’s eyes went wide and his mouth dropped in disbelief.
   “Y/N, believe me when I say, these are the best damn tits I’ve ever seen. Fucking beautiful.” Bucky leaned forward and captured a nipple in his mouth, circling his tongue around the nub. Y/N gasped as his metal hand came up to the other nipple, the contrast between his hot, soft, wet, mouth and his cold, hard, hand making her head spin.
  He pulled away from her to admire his handiwork. Red bruises on and surrounding her nipples.
  “Why don’t you like them?” He looked up to meet her eyes, a softness in them she didn’t get to see often.
  “The stretch marks…” Y/N looked down at her hands. Bucky pulled her chin up with his finger, forcing her to meet his eyes.
  “Baby. Do you realize who you’re talking to? Look.” He guided her hand to his left shoulder, shivering as her fingers ran over the scarred flesh.
  “I could give a shit less what scars you have. It just proves you’re strong. That you fought a battle and came out the other side. You’re beautiful.” Bucky raised himself up to press a kiss to her lips. Y/N smiled and shook her head, a blush covering her face. Bucky didn’t know how to convince her.
  “Let me prove it to you.” Y/N looked down at him. Bucky looked at her with earnest eyes. “Let me show you how beautiful you are.” Y/N was shocked at his gentleness. She had expected him to just have sex with her. She hadn’t predicted this level of intimacy. It was surprisingly… nice.
   “Ok.” Y/N said simply.
   “Ok? Gonna need something a little more enthusiastic than that, sweetheart.” Bucky’s words were teasing but she knew he was yet again making sure she was okay with this.
   Y/N threw her head back dramatically and exclaimed: “Take me! Take me and have your savage way with me!” Bucky roared with laughter and flipped her onto her back, kissing her lips gently.
   “That’ll do, doll.” Bucky kissed her neck gently and stood up.
   “Wait- what’re you doing?” Y/N asked. Bucky turned back to look at her, a bashful expression on his face.
   “I uh- I need a condom, doll. Unless you want a little me running around here.” Y/N let out a light laugh at the image. But something about the idea of a kid with Bucky’s eyes and her smile made her heart ache.
   “I mean, I’m on birth control. And I’m clean…” Bucky looks down at his hands. There was something more intimate about what she was asking him to do.
   “Yeah, me too. The serum it uh, keeps us from getting any diseases. STDs included. Lucky me, right?” Bucky gave a dry laugh and started walking back towards the bed. They were both suddenly a bit nervous. Y/N stood and took his hand, turning him so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. When she got on her knees in front of him, Bucky held out a hand to stop her.
   “You don’t need to-” Y/N gripped him through his boxers.
   “This is a learning experience right? Teach me how to do this too. For-” She took an uneasy pause. “For whoever comes next. Can’t be giving my first BJ to a stranger.” Bucky looked saddened by that. Whatever glimmer of emotion she thought she saw disappeared and he quickly reverted back to his normal self.
   “Yeah. Wouldn’t want that, hm?” Y/N looked up at him expectantly. Her eyes went from his boxers and back to his eyes.
   “Oh- right.” Bucky lifted his hips off the bed and slid his boxers off. His cock was at half-mast but was still shockingly large. Y/N’s eyes went wide. Gone were the nerves of a second ago. This was no longer present day Bucky, this was 40’s Bucky with all the swagger and charisma of a dashing young military sergeant.
    “Like what you see, doll?” Y/N rolled her eyes and looked up at him, awaiting instruction.
    “Ok, first, you’re gonna spit on your hand. Then start stroking.” Y/N obeyed. Bucky let out a loud hiss when her lubed hand touched his bare cock for the first time. She moved her hand up and down his shaft, twisting it slightly like she had seen in porn.
    “Fuck, sweetie. Just like that. Now, uh, lick the tip.” Bucky was already out of breath and Y/N decided she loved this. Loved seeing him come apart for her. Y/N leaned forward and placed an open mouthed kiss on the red tip. Bucky’s hips jutted into her mouth as he moaned.
    “Shit, sorry. Dunno what’s gotten into me.” Bucky looked down at her. Her eyes were half-closed, her lips were red and swollen, her neck was covered in marks that he had left… He knew exactly what had gotten into him. He just didn’t have the nerve to say it. It was times like these that Bucky Barnes really wished he could get drunk.
    Y/N kept stroking his cock as she pulled away to speak.
   “It’s okay. It was kind of hot.” She looked at him from under her thick eyelashes.
   “Yeah? You want me to do it again?” Bucky asked hesitantly.
   “Please.” Y/N replied.
   Bucky groaned and brought his hips a little closer to the edge of the bed.
   “You’re going to let me know if it gets too much at any time, alright?” Y/N nodded.
   “Open your mouth, doll.” Y/N did, opening as wide as she could to prepare for his girth. Bucky slid his cock into her mouth. “Breathe through- shit. Breathe through your nose, sweetheart. Relax your throat.” Y/N tried her best to obey his commands, sitting back on her heels to allow him to take full control. Bucky brought a hand to the back of her head, gathering her hair before starting to gently thrust into her mouth.
   “Fuck, baby. Feels so fucking good.” He looked down to see her staring up at him but the biggest shock was her hand between her thighs.
   “Are you- shit, are you touching yourself, doll?” She batted her eyelashes as if to say “What does it look like?” and he chuckled.
   “You look so good like this, baby. On your knees for me. Sucking- shit- sucking my cock like you were born to do it.” Bucky’s filthy words drew a moan from Y/N, sending vibrations through his cock. “Fuck! Oh- baby. Oh, god. This is gonna end a lot sooner than I’d like if we don’t stop.” Y/N made no move to pull away from him, continuing to let him fuck her throat.
   “Oh, is that what you want, hm? Want me to cum down that pretty throat of yours?” Y/N’s eyes fluttered closed as another moan escaped her. A shiver ran through Bucky’s body but he tapped her on the cheek. “Nuh-uh, babydoll. Wanna see those eyes. Those fucking eyes.” Y/N batted her eyelashes and moaned again. Bucky pulled out of her mouth suddenly. She pouted at him.
   “Doll- if I hadn’t stopped, I wouldn’t get to fuck you. That’s the whole point, right?” Bucky took her hand and pulled her to standing so he could kiss her. He pulled away so he could see her eyes flutter open, dizzy on him. “Those fucking eyes.” Bucky said with a smirk before picking her up and setting on the bed. She wrapped her legs around his waist and shivered when she felt his hot length on her thigh. Bucky looked at her one last time.
   “You sure, doll? I want this too, but I’ll go home with some major fucking blue balls if you’ve changed your mind.” Y/N threw her head back and laughed. Bucky only watched her, a soft smile coming across his face. How had he never noticed how beautiful her laugh was before?
   “I’m sure, Buck.” Y/N arched upwards to press a kiss to his lips.
   “Alright, then. What the lady wants…” Bucky reached between them and gripped his cock. He slid it through her folds a few times, gathering her wetness. Then he slowly pushed inside her with a loud groan from each of them. Bucky watched her face to gauge her reaction. A mix of pain and discomfort was painted on her features and it killed him. He hated hurting her but this is what she asked for. He continued pushing into her, inch by inch, trying to control his hips and keep from rutting into her. After a minute of tortuously slow moving, he bottomed out. A few tears had escaped Y/N’s eyes and he leaned down to kiss them off her cheek. Slowly, the look of pain disappeared from Y/N’s face.
   “Bucky-”
   “Yeah, doll?”
   “Please, move.”
   That was all it took to shatter his resolve. Bucky pulled out as much as she allowed him to, her pussy gripping him like a vice. He thrusted back into her warm depths, sighing at how well she took him.
   “So fucking tight, doll. Feels fucking heavenly.” Bucky’s fists tensed in the sheets beside her when she clenched around him.
   “Shit- oh. Someone has a praise kink.” Bucky muttered under his breath. Y/N nodded in desperation to hear him talk again.
   “You want me to keep talking? You like it when I talk to you, baby? Tell you how good you feel? How well you’re taking my cock?” Y/N shivered and her walls tightened around him.
   “Fuck, baby. You keep that up I’m not gonna last long.” Bucky propped himself up on his metal arm and reached his flesh one between their bodies, sticky with sweat. He rubbed gently at her clit as he thrusted, trying to time the rhythms together. Y/N cried out in pleasure, the sound music to Bucky’s ears.
   “Are you gonna cum, doll? Be a good girl and cum on my cock, yeah? Bet you look so fucking pretty when you cum for me.” Bucky kissed her neck sloppily, biting slightly on her pulse point. Bucky’s words and the new sensation sent her over the edge. Y/N’s hands gripped her pillow as Bucky sat back to look at her. She was beautiful as she came undone on his cock. She looked majestic. Holy. Like a goddess he’d get on his knees and pray to or a queen he’d serve until his dying breath.
   “Bucky, oh- baby. Just like- Oh-” Y/N shivered as her orgasm wrecked her, every thrust of Bucky’s hips prolonging the sensation. Bucky took in her post-orgasmic state.
   She was a mess. Her tits were sweaty and shiny as they bounced in the dull light of her bedroom. Her neck was covered in a smattering or bruises. She seemed to notice his gaze because she reached for him, pulling his face down to hers and kissing him roughly. She looked down to where their bodies met. Bucky’s eyes followed her own and he moaned in absolute delight at the scene. He closed his eyes quickly out of reflex. Protect himself. Protect Y/N. Don’t lose control. Y/N placed a gentle kiss on his nose and his eyes snapped open to meet hers.
   “Let go.” That simple sentence gave Bucky a gentle push over the edge and then he was falling. Not a hard fall with an ending that would leave him mentally unstable and minus an arm, but more of a pleasant roller coaster drop. He felt safe in her arms as he let go, shooting ropes of white cum inside her.
   “Y/N- fucking hell. Baby- So fucking good.” Bucky was very vocal as his hips slowed to a stop. His cock twitched from the oversensitivity. He knew he’d have to pull out eventually, but he wasn’t in any hurry. She was wet and warm and inviting and the world outside her bedroom was cold and cruel and unforgiving. Bucky knew he’d stay there forever if she let him.
   But that’s not what he was here for. Not for life, not even for the night. Just for an hour. Just until she’d had her cherry popped and she’d send him on his way like some kind of sick business deal. With great effort, Bucky convinced his body to pull from her soft depths, smearing cum and slick down her thighs. He stood and began gathering his clothes.
   “What- what’re you doing?” Bucky looked back at Y/N. She had her knees tucked into her chest and was staring up at him with those fucking eyes.
   “I’m leaving.” Y/N’s eyes drooped at his words.
   “Oh.”
   Bucky pulled on his boxers and elected to get changed out of her view- the harsh stare on his back was getting to be too much. He had his hand on the doorknob when she spoke.
   “Please- please don’t go.” This time when Bucky looked at Y/N, her eyes were rimmed with tears. He dropped his clothes and ran to her, cradling her face.
   “Why’re you crying, babydoll? What’s wrong?” His eyes sought hers, trying to understand what was happening behind them.
   “You were going to leave.” Y/N’s tears hadn’t fallen yet. She was always so strong. Bucky wished he knew how to make her feel safe enough to be weak.
   “I figured you’d want me to.” His thumb stroked her cheek.
   “No. I- I want you to stay. Please stay.” Y/N’s hands reached up and wrapped around his wrists, keeping them in place.
   “Then I’ll stay. I’ll stay, doll. Just please- don’t cry.” Bucky kissed her forehead and pulled her into his chest. If he felt a small wet spot growing where her head lay, he didn’t say anything.
   Eventually she pulled away from him. Y/N’s eyes met his and Bucky knew then- he was wrecked. Utterly, completely, wrecked.
   “Will you sleep with me?” She asked. He understood she meant sleep next to her in bed. Keep her warm with his touch and keep her mind calm with his presence. He nodded and she unravelled herself from his arms. She stood and tucked herself into her warm covers, beckoning for him to join her. Her body was naked still, but he didn’t care. Preferred it, actually. Not for any perverted reason. He had missed the feeling of warm flesh on his own. A body that wasn’t about to die underneath him. It was...nice.
  Bucky crawled into bed beside her, exposing his right side for her to cuddle into if she wished. She did. She laid her head on his shoulder and ran a hand up and down his stomach, tracing invisible patterns.
   “Thank you.” She said.
   “Anytime.”
   After a while, her breath evened out. He watched her back rise and fall. He knew he had to leave in the morning- but for now he’d allow himself to indulge in the simple pleasures of the smell of her shampoo and the way her heart beat in time with his.  
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floralseokjin · 4 years ago
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⤑ made-up love song vii (m).
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Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 
Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…
pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, smut; includes jacuzzi (oral) sex, outdoor sex, the angst/drama comes knocking!  words; 8,336
↪︎ chapter index
chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)
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A few days after Arin’s birthday party school started back, and just as you’d known you got incredibly busy, incredibly fast. With admin and getting to know your new students you found that you were too distracted to dwell on all the things that had been worrying you. Yes, it was strange not being able to see Seokjin practically whenever you wanted, and yes, you missed him – and the summer, but with work so hectic it cushioned the blow. You didn’t have time to live inside your own head or get sad about stupid, tiny things. 
Letting the school know about your relationship wasn’t mandatory now that you weren’t Arin’s teacher, but you felt better for it, meeting with Hoseok one morning to inform him. Eunbi already knew, being quite a close a friend to you, and slowly, over the next few days you let some of the other teachers you were friendly with know too. You found it quite exciting. You’d been single for such a long time so finding yourself in conversations about your boyfriend filled you with a happiness you weren’t quite used to. You liked talking about Seokjin, bigging him up, some could call it bragging… He’d even very kindly donated money for a new playground to be built in the kindergarten area. He wanted to help Primrose Hill any which way he could. It meant a lot to you and his daughter. 
It only took around three weeks to get yourself into a routine. For both of you to find a rhythm and make it work well. Your lunch break wasn’t long enough for you to zip to Seokjin’s office and join him so he always made an effort to come to you. Sometimes you’d eat in his car, sometimes yours, or sometimes you’d meet in a small café near the school. You cherished that short time together because sometimes that’s all you could have. Depending on how busy you both were you often couldn’t spend time together in the evenings. You tried to at least once in the week, but weekends were reserved for things like spending the night. 
It was Tuesday today and you somehow had a night free from lesson planning which meant you could join Seokjin and Arin for dinner. You were glad really, because Seokjin had been stressed since yesterday and you hadn’t had a chance to see him properly. He had to go away on last minute business this weekend but it coincided with Misook’s family vacation. He’d asked Nana if Arin could stay with her this weekend but she was busy too. He didn’t know what to do, other than try and postpone the trip. Key word: try. 
Misook had left for the day just as you were arriving, Arin in her room, too busy playing on the Nintendo Switch she’d gotten from Nana for her birthday, so it gave you some brief time alone with Seokjin. You were shocked to see him still in his suit, sat in contemplation alone in the family room. Oh, boy. You hated seeing him so stressed. He was never one to mope or even show his mood. You knew him well enough by now to be able to tell when he was drained, but he still didn’t let it affect him too much, always smiling, always joking around. This evening was different. He’d barely said a few sentences, mostly it involved apologising for his bad mood. He felt selfish, not being much company, yet still needing yours. He had nothing to be sorry for, you reassured, resting your head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around you, holding you close. You reached for his hand, and there you stayed like that for a little while, fingers laced together. 
Arin made her way in soon enough, stomach rumbling, a hopeful lilt to her voice as she walked over to you both, hands behind her back. “Can we have pizza for dinner?”
Seokjin shifted, unlacing your fingers and dropping his arm from your shoulders as you both sat up straighter. “Didn’t we have that yesterday, Arin?”
Arin didn’t miss. She was a professional. “But Y/N wasn’t here yesterday. She missed out.” 
Her comeback even managed to draw a quiet chuckle out of her dad. “We’re not having pizza, sweetie.” 
She sighed softly, crossing her arms around her chest as she looked your way. “Daddy is moody today.” 
You raised an eyebrow, your mouth unable to stop quirking up in amusement. “He is?”
“Why do you say that?” Seokjin asked. His tone was light, but you could tell by his frown lines her casual words had him worrying. 
“I heard you on the phone this morning to mommy. There’s no one to look after me when you go away this weekend and she can’t do it.” 
Seokjin faltered, not expecting such a frank answer. He composed himself quickly. “She’s just really busy, Arin. She wanted to look after you, she just couldn’t this time.” 
“I know,” she replied simply, nodding her head. 
There was a beat of silence and then Seokjin reached for her, kissing her cheek, his voice quiet with apology. “I’m sorry. Was I really moody today?” He looked unsurely your way too. 
“Uh huh. You hardly smiled, and when I tried telling you about the field trip I’m going on next week you weren’t even listening properly.” Arin’s small voice filled with such attitude was comical. 
Seokjin chuckled. “Daddy’s really sorry. I’m smiling now, though, right?” Arin nodded. “And if you’re kind enough, you can tell me about your trip again over dinner. Is that okay?” 
“Hmm.” She thought allowed. “So can we get pizza?”
Seokjin snorted. “Nice try, young lady. It’s still a no.” 
.
.
Seokjin ordered from one of his favourite restaurants, helping you set the table as Arin went to check on her rabbits. You ate together, listening as Arin spoke all about her upcoming field trip, finally having her father’s undivided (and interested) attention. However, halfway in, she completely changed the topic, throwing you both. 
“Can’t I stay with Y/N this weekend?” 
“Hm?” Seokjin looked over at her, visibly surprised. 
You swallowed what was left in your mouth just as Arin’s eyes found yours.  “I can just stay with you while daddy has to go away.” Your lips parted, trying to think of something to say, your years of teacher training falling short. 
Seokjin beat you to it. “No, no, sweetie,” he shook his head, sounded a little flustered, taken by surprise. “Y/N will probably be busy on the weekend. That’s her only free time, she can’t look after you.” 
With a small shrug, she put her fork to her mouth. “It was just a thought.” 
Seokjin looked over at you, expression apologetic as he mouthed sorry. 
.
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Hey, listen…” You began, feeling oddly nervous as you looked up at your boyfriend. It was a couple of hours later, Arin was in bed, time was getting on, you had to leave soon, but cuddled up against him, both curled up on the sofa as you watched mindless television, you really didn’t want to go anywhere. Seokjin had relaxed a little by now (the wonders of food), but you could still tell his mind was exhausted as his gaze fell on yours. You took a breath, deeper than intended, psyching yourself up. “I really don’t mind looking after Arin this weekend.” 
You didn’t miss the way his eyes widened a tad, obviously taken by surprise, but then his mouth lifted at the side, his head shaking from side to side lightly as he let out a breathy chuckle. “Y/N, don’t feel like you have to just because she brought it up.” 
You found yourself relaxing. He didn’t want you to feel obligated. You’d thought so, but the teeniest tiniest most worrisome part of your brain had thought he might now have wanted, or trusted you, to look after Arin. That wasn’t the case. You could tell by the look on his face. He didn’t want to put you out, ask too much of you. 
You moved and straightened your back, eye to eye now. “No, I honestly don’t mind at all, Seokjin.” You reassured, talking faster as you noticed him open his mouth. “Seeing as Arin was the one who suggested it, I guess she’s fine with the idea. I…” Hesitating, you added something else. “I wanted to suggest it myself but… If she’s comfortable with it, I’d love to.” 
It was the truth. Ever since Seokjin had called you at lunch time, telling you Nana couldn’t manage this weekend, you’d wanted to tell him you were up for it but something had stopped you. Even as he’d tried to think of options this evening – maybe his mom could stay for the weekend, his aunt – you’d held back and bitten your tongue. What if you were pushing boundaries? Inserting yourself into situations that didn’t concern you? Arin liked you, yes,   but being entirely in your care for 48 hours was different. She might not want to, she might feel uncomfortable. However knowing that it wasn’t the case, suggesting it herself so casually over dinner had given you the confidence to push through. Seokjin needn’t be worried about asking too much of you. 
Regarding you silently, he considered your words. Lovingly, you glided your hand up his arm, reaching out for his cheek. He pressed into your touch automatically. “I want to help you out.” At that, he smiled gently, lips turning up in a way that rounded his cheeks, making him appear at least a decade younger. It was wholly unfair. 
Turning slightly, his lips grazed your palm. “I’ll ask her about it in the morning.” You grinned, visibly pleased, and Seokjin took your hand to tug you gently to his chest. This time he placed a kiss on your mouth, humming happily. “Thank you.” 
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Arin was more than happy about it. Seokjin suggested you stay at his home for the weekend, seeing as that would be easier for the both of you, but she was pretty adamant she wanted to stay at your place. You understood, kid’s curiosity and all. She wanted to know what your home looked like, she wanted to meet your “pretty best friend” she liked to ask about sometimes. Honestly, you felt touched that she wanted to learn more about your life. It was just another reminder of her acceptance when it came to you, and you’d be forever touched by how easily she’d let you into her life. She was more than welcome to come stay at your place, but of course you’d run it by Soojung first. She’d agreed quite easily, even after you informed her you’d be sharing her bed all weekend, Arin of course using yours. 
On Thursday night Seokjin’s guilt was getting the better of him. He had you on the phone, making sure you were 100% okay with looking after Arin. He didn’t want you to feel as if you were trapped just because you felt compelled to help him. He could cancel his trip. You told him how stupid he was being. Cancelling would put so many people out, including himself. Besides, you not only wanted to help him out, you wanted to take care of Arin. You felt as though you were capable, and if you were being even more honest with him, you felt really happy it was happening. Knowing Arin trusted you this much was a great feeling. Knowing he trusted you enough… 
“Why wouldn’t I trust you?” He scoffed in disbelief. “You’re great with her. She loves you.” 
“I wouldn’t go that far,” you laughed. 
“How come?” He was hellbent on proving you wrong, voice softening as he continued. “You’re so easy to love.”  
You felt your heart skip a beat. He’d said it so casually, so easily, you felt dumb searching too much into his words. It was far too early to think of things like that – for confessions like that. Right? Still, he sounded genuine enough. He meant it, even if it wasn’t in that way. Not that you were expecting anything. You were perfectly happy with how things were, your feelings growing stronger each day. You weren’t in a rush, neither was he. That’s what made your relationship so great. But your heart still felt all fuzzy regardless. You found yourself smiling down the line, your thanks obvious in your tone. “I’m going to miss you.” 
“I’ll miss you more.” He ignored your noises of complaint. “I’ll video call you a lot – and Arin of course.” Then he laughed. “Although, I’ll have a feeling she won’t miss me at all this weekend.” 
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The next day you finished up work early, it was a Friday anyway, so you never made a habit of sticking around too long, but this time you were packed and ready to go the same time as the kids. Arin would be waiting in her classroom, ready to go home with you for the weekend. Seokjin had dropped off her things early this morning before his flight, indulging you in a few sleepy kisses before he had to go, a promise of ‘I’ll see you Sunday night,” slipping from his slightly downturned lips, hands reluctant to let you go. 
Arin was visibly excited when she saw you, seconds away from jumping up and down on the spot, your first name rushing out of her mouth without realising. It was no big deal of course, but her reaction was cute, eyes widening as her lips parted into a circle, a noise of realisation leaving her. She looked very much like her father, which made it even funnier. You took her hand, saying your goodbyes to Mr. Moon, her second grade teacher, and left the building for your car. 
“This is a really nice car, Y/N,” she complimented as you made sure she was strapped in properly. You weren’t nervous, but you were slightly on edge, cautious, being a better word, to make sure everything was okay. You needed all bases covered. Arin was in your care for 48 hours after all. You told yourself to calm down, if Seokjin knew you were being this antsy he’d be highly amused. You wouldn’t stop hearing about it for a week. 
“I’ve always wanted to ride in it,” Arin continued. 
You smiled down at her. “Thank you.” She was one of the sweetest kids you knew. Your car was average. Not that she knew anything about makes and prices and whatever else there was. You didn’t either. As long as it drove you from point A to B you didn’t care what it looked like. 
“Will your best friend be home when we arrive?” She asked as you got inside the driver’s seat, sticking the key in the ignition. 
“Soojung? She’ll be still in work. Remember I told she works at a department store?” It was adorable how excited she was to meet Soo. Your best friend’s head would be double the size soon, ego inflated. 
“Mhmm,” Arin hummed responsively.  
“She won’t be done until around 6.” You turned back to look at her, knowing your next sentence would make her day. “I think she wanted to get pizza for dinner. Would you like that?” 
“YES!” Arin exclaimed immediately, eyes lighting up. “Soojung likes pizza too?” 
With a chuckle, you started the vehicle up and started backing out of your spot, replying as you did so. “She does.” But in truth, the pizza tonight was Seokjin’s idea. He’d given you one of his bank cards to spend on the food bill with strict instructions to only feed her the doughy delicacy once this weekend. He knew what she was like – you both did. She’d eat pizza for breakfast, lunch and dinner if she could. If you suggested it tonight, then that was it. She’d be eating your menu come Saturday and Sunday. 
“How far away is your house from the school?” 
You’d lost count of how many questions she’d already asked you since you’d arrived to collect her. It was comical. Seokjin had not warned you about that, but your years of experience had told you to expect it. What was a kid without questions? You’d be worried if she was silent. 
“Not too long.” You replied, glancing in the rear view mirror to see her happily looking out of the window. “When we get in, I’ll text daddy and see if he’s free to videocall.” 
“Okay.” 
You tried to stop the smile that wanted to break across your face at her nonchalance. “Do you miss him yet?” 
With a brief shake of her head, still staring at the whizzing scenery outside she answered pretty simply. “Not really.” 
This time you burst out laughing, unable to stop. She looked over at the noise, meeting your eyes in the mirror as you took a right turn, giggling along. “Don’t tell him though, Y/N. It might make him sad.” 
“I won’t, Arin.” You reassured with another chuckle. “It can be our little secret.” 
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She settled in well that night, immediately warming to Soojung (who despite her lifelong insistence, was great with children). You thought perhaps Arin would begin to get homesick once it was time for bed, but after watching a movie you tucked her in and said goodnight. You thought she’d have trouble sleeping because she was in a strange bed but checking in on her twenty minutes later you found her fast asleep, hugging her rabbit plushie. You on the other hand got ready to share a bed with Soojung – the bed cover hogger… 
The next day Arin had you awake at 6am. You already knew about her liveliness in the mornings, so it was no surprise. You’d been woken up countless times over the summer by a knock at Seokjin’s door, Arin’s voice calling out for him. On days you weren’t there she’d even barge in and jump on the bed. Where she got her energy from so early in the morning was a mystery. This morning however, she caught you on the way out of the bathroom. You’d been tossing and turning all night, wresting the covers from Soo. You’d thought about maybe taking a blanket and having an hours nap on the sofa, but there Arin was creeping out of your room, a smile on her face as she saw it was you. 
There was no tempting her back to bed, so you sat her down at the table and made her some breakfast, snapping a picture to send to her father. (Captioned: Guess who had me up at 6am 😴) You had a few things planned today. Seokjin always made sure Arin was busy on the weekends, it was the only time he got to spend with her fully unless she was with her mom, especially now that she was back in school. Even if it was just something as simple as going to the park, he always made plans. So, to do your part and to keep her entertained, you were going to run by her house to make sure the rabbits were fine (fed and watered), then go to the mall. It was simple, yes, but you needed to get a few things anyway, and you promised after all that walking around you’d stop by the food court. Then she had to accompany you to the grocery store to get ingredients for tonight’s dinner. 
She was pretty damn excited regardless. “I like going to the mall with mommy because daddy finds it boring,” she informed you as she picked out her clothes that you’d helped her unpack yesterday. That definitely sounded like Seokjin, you thought to yourself, laughing along with her. “Mommy told me that next weekend she’s going to take me shopping and buy me anyyy-thing I want.” 
“That sounds like great fun,” you smiled, telling yourself you’d pretend you never heard that… Seokjin was keen not to spoil Arin so you didn’t think he’d be best pleased to find this out. “What do you want to buy?”
“Hmm. Something for Olive and Ariel, I think.” 
You smiled again, admiring her caring nature. Her rabbits were the most well looked after in this entire country. She adored them. “I think they’ll really appreciate that.” 
You continued helping Arin get ready first, and thankfully by the time you were done Soojung had risen. You left them watching cartoons together while you showered, eager to leave by 10am. 
Arin you found out, didn’t just like the mall, she loved it very much. She was practically skipping around the place as she held your hand, helping you pick out the things you needed for your craft session with the students on Monday. While she was recommending paint colours to you, she surprised you with a confession. “I wish you were still my teacher, Y/N.” 
“How come?” You asked gently. 
She gave a tiny shrug. “I’d get to see you every day.” 
Oh. You didn’t know what to say to that, touched at her matter-of-fact revelation. Instead you wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a loving squeeze. 
“But actually, maybe I wouldn’t like it.” She added as an afterthought. You waited, curious as to why she’d changed her mind so suddenly. “I’d have to call you Miss Y/L/N. I’d get too confused.” 
You laughed, this child was far too funny for her own good. “Me too, Arin. It’s better this way, right?”
“Right,” she agreed with a nod. 
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“Y/N, this is pretty,” Arin cooed, calling your attention as you rounded the stand. You’d gotten everything you needed and were now browsing around some other stores. You’d let Arin pick a couple out, worrying she might be getting bored, and one of her choices had been Claire’s. She was holding up a charm bracelet. 
“Very pretty,” you agreed. 
And then she struck. “Can I have it?” She didn’t give you time to answer, eyes widening as she began to beg, voice soft and hopeful. “Please. Pretty please.” 
You chuckled. You were practically immune to cute kids, so that wouldn’t work on you. However, she had been really well-behaved all morning, in your eyes she deserved a small treat. “You can. But just this one thing, okay?” 
“Thank you, Y/N!” She squealed, rushing up to you. She gave your arm a squeeze. “I like you much better than daddy.” 
“That will hurt his feelings,” you burst out laughing. She didn’t have to butter you up, you’d already said yes. 
As you were paying the cashier, she wondered off to a stand of keychains, her eyes catching something instantly. “Oooh, pretty,” she purred and the cashier, a woman no more than a few years older than you, laughed. 
“Best escape before she wants something else,” you joked, handing over some cash. 
“My daughter is just the same. Kids, who’d have them, right? We’re glutton for punishment.” She joked. 
“Oh, no, I’m –” You stopped yourself dead, unsure what to say. Had this woman just mistaken you for Arin’s mother? It definitely sounded that way. But just how could you correct her? 
“Don’t get me wrong,” the cashier said, shaking her head. “They’re definitely worth it.” 
You forced yourself to smile, feeling a little wooden, but the chuckle you got out sounded better. “Yeah, yeah they are.” You glanced over at Arin, thankfully she was too distracted by the abundance of cute animal keychains. You turned back and took your bag from the woman, trying to shake off how awkward you felt. “Thank you. Bye.” 
Walking over to Arin you took her hand. “Hope to see you again soon,” the cashier called behind you and you gave a wave, telling Arin to do the same.
“Thank you,” she sang sweetly as she did so. 
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“So, something weird happened today,” you told Soojung as you prepared food, careful to keep your voice low even though Arin was well and truly distracted inside the living room. Taehyung was a master with children. The guy needed a career change immediately. You’d never heard Arin laugh so hard. She’d been in stitches for the last hour. You were worried she’d be way to hyperactive for bedtime once it came. 
Soojung looked up from where she was chopping onion, interested as her eyebrow raised. 
“The woman at Claire’s mistook me for Arin’s mother.” 
Soojung scoffed, lifting her shoulders in a casual shrug. “I’m not surprised. It was bound to happen. It’s normal.” She added, reassuring you as she saw the look on your face. “People just naturally assume.” 
“I guess…” 
“What did you tell her?”
Your expression turned sheepish. “I just went along with it,” you confessed, placing spaghetti in a pan of bubbling water. You caught the look she gave you. “I didn’t know what to say!” It was the truth. “I’m her father’s girlfriend seemed too… I don’t know…” Too impersonal? 
“That’s what you are though,” Soo snorted.
You gave up, knowing you were probably making a huge deal out of this. Was it that serious? Probably not. “I just felt awkward.” 
“Because you hate correcting people, or because you didn’t like someone mistaking you for Arin’s mother,” your best friend pried. 
“It’s definitely not that. It’s just…” You sighed. “How would Arin feel about it? What if she’d heard?”
Soojung shrugged. “She loves you. You’re great with her.” 
That wasn’t the point you were trying to make. “It still might have upset her though. She adores her mom.” You weren’t trying to take Nana’s place and you didn’t want her to ever think that. 
It was Soo’s turn to sigh, dropping the chopped onions into a fry pan. “Do you want my opinion?” 
“Please,” you requested meekly. 
“I think you’re looking way too much into it.” Obviously. “It’s not a big deal at all, and Arin didn’t hear anything so nothing to worry about.”
“You’re right,” you agreed, telling yourself to shake it off. 
“Of course I am,” she quipped, rooting around in a cupboard now. She turned back, a can of tomatoes in her hand. “I’m sure Seokjin will be able to ease your mind with his sexy Dilf powers or whatever he calls them.” 
“Shut up,” you groaned. You weren’t even sure if you were going to tell him. Like she kept saying, it wasn’t a big deal, right? It was an easy mistake to make. Probably happened all the time. 
From inside the living room you heard Taehyung roar loudly, mimicking a lion (possibly) and Arin shrieked out his name, laughter exploding from her. “Quick, let’s get dinner ready as soon as possible.” Soojung begged, dramatic as always. “I’m scared Tae might be getting ideas. I’m too young for kids!”
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The rest of the weekend went by smoothly. Despite the excitement levels that Saturday night brought, Arin was knocked out by 9pm. You, Soojung and Taehyung stayed up for another hour before he had to leave and then Soo made her way to bed, needing to wake up early tomorrow for work. That left you on the couch, awaiting Seokjin’s video call. He’d already called once today, but Arin was so hyped, talking a mile a minute about her day, you couldn’t get a word in edgeways. (Neither could he.) You were thankful for some alone time. You were missing him. He’d gone away on business trips a couple of times in the summer but it didn’t mean you’d get used to it. You both talked about your day, and you decided there and then not to tell him about the Claire’s “incident.” Soojung was right, it was no big deal. It was a common misunderstanding, one you’d probably made unknowingly before too. After you’d said your goodbyes you went to bed, already strategizing how you were going to steal the covers back from Soojung. As much as you’d enjoyed looking after Arin, you couldn’t wait to have your own bed back. Sharing with your bestie was torture. Taehyung was an admirable man. 
Sunday was a chillout day, although Arin still had you awake at 6am. You made her breakfast, watched some cartoons and shared turns on her Switch before you both got ready for the day. You checked in on Olive and Ariel briefly before driving back to your place. There was a park nearby and you promised you’d take her. The weather was still warm despite September trickling by. It was crazy how fast this year had gone, autumn already nearly here. For the rest of the day you both relaxed in front of the TV, waiting until Soojung was home to watch a movie, and then you made dinner. Seokjin was due back around 7pm, so you made sure all of Arin’s things were packed up ready to go. It was just gone eight when he turned up at your door. Arin had already passed out on the sofa after her hot chocolate so he couldn’t stay long. You thought with how entertaining this weekend had been it had finally all caught up with her. 
“Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night?” He asked, careful to keep his voice down as he strapped Arin inside his car. (Still sleeping.) You’d followed him out as he carried her towards the vehicle, wanting to say your goodbyes. 
He straightened up, closing the car door as he stepped closer to you. You rubbed his arm. “You must be exhausted.” 
“Don’t baby me.” Reaching forward, he wrapped his arms around you, squishing your arms to your side. “I missed you.” 
You hummed, pressing your lips to his, careful to keep your voice a whisper. “Your dick missed me.” 
He scoffed in disbelief but couldn’t argue. “That’s…not a lie. My heart missed you too though.” 
“How sweet,” you joked, but couldn’t keep your charade up for much longer. “I missed you too.” This time the press of your mouth was much firmer. He matched it, letting you slip your arms around his sides, holding him too. 
“Tomorrow, then?” He asked hopefully, tip of his tongue wetting his bottom lip slightly as he pulled away. “I know it’s a school night but I swear I only get a good night’s sleep lying next to you.” 
Laughing, you nodded your head. “Tomorrow.” You agreed wholeheartedly. Sleeping alone was no fun anymore. 
He captured your mouth again, humming happily. “Can’t wait.” 
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The following weekend Arin was with her mom so you and Seokjin had the entire weekend to yourselves. Saturday was busy, you’d both probably been a little too ambitious when you’d decided to cram as many different activities as you could into the day, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. You didn’t get many days to spend together likes this; walking hand in hand as you explored the local market, having brunch together, checking out a new museum exhibit, watching a movie at the theatre… You treasured days like these. And what better way to end one with? Jacuzzi time! 
Seokjin’s jacuzzi was fast becoming one of life’s staples lately. Who were you? A changed woman, that’s who. This was your favourite space in Seokjin’s garden(s). An area of decking, solar lights draped over the sleek fencing. In the middle was the jacuzzi, set into the wood. Now that the nights were drawing in, it was especially cosy out here, summer holding on for just a little bit longer as the weather stayed quite warm. It wouldn’t be like this for long so you had to make the most of it right now. 
You were sat inside the jacuzzi, water gently bubbling around you as you gazed up at the stars that had just started to appear when you heard Seokjin emerging from the house. His footsteps sounded against the wooden steps as he made his way towards you. You didn’t bother looking but when he didn’t join you straight away, you glanced over curiously. To be met with a rather naked boyfriend. 
“What are you doing?!” You exclaimed, eyes bugging out. 
He grinned. It was hardly innocent. “Jacuzzi’s are much more enjoyable naked, didn’t you know?” 
You tsked, watching him climb into the tub and make his way over to you. His mouth was immediately on yours, arms around your waist as he tugged for you to stand up. This wasn’t just any type of kiss. Like you’d said before, you knew Seokjin very well by now, and besides, you’d already noticed his dick was half aroused as he stood above you… He had a plan. 
On cue, he broke away, corners of his plump lips tugging upwards with a suggestion. 
“Join me?” 
“Seokjin…” You warned, voice low, hands grazing the tops of his arms. He couldn’t be serious. 
“No one can see us,” he reassured you with a wider smile. 
You mean, he was correct. This time you let your hands make their way to his shoulders, massaging them lightly. “You’re crazy.” 
“Yeah, crazy for you,” he smirked, leaning in to kiss you once again. His lips were slow, coaxing. Even more so as they made their way down your jaw and to your neck. You keened into his touch, his hands grazing down your sides, fingers toying with the sides of your bikini bottoms. “C’mon…” He sunk his teeth into your skin gently and you whined. “I know you want to.” You did indeed. Very much so. “Yeah?” 
“Yeah,” you confirmed, voice suddenly hoarse. You cleared your throat just as his fingers began to untie the strings of your bra, mouth still peppering your neck with kisses. Until that was your chest was bare, and then his lips were wrapped around one nipple, water rippling with the sudden movement. You moaned as quietly as you could, wanting to encourage him because it felt good, but also nervous as hell because you were outside. You didn’t care if there was no one around for a good mile, you were still out in the open. 
Cupping your breasts in his palms he gazed down at them, sighing dreamily. “Have I ever told you how much I love your tits?”
You raised an eyebrow. “One. Don’t be so crude.” (Not that you didn’t like it.) “And two. Yes, yes you have.” You broke off with a laugh, reaching for him to mesh your mouths together. He couldn’t help but chuckle too, but elsewhere he had a hand down your bikini to grab your ass. 
“What’s gotten – Seokjin!” You practically roared, cutting yourself off as he suddenly dived down into the water, fully submerged, hands attempting to tear your bottoms off. “What are you doing,” you giggled, clinging to his back as you tried to stay upright. He had one of your ankles in his hand, wrestling with the fabric. 
A few moments later he arose successful, flicking his head back to stop his wet hair from dripping in his eyes. He pushed it back further with his hands, forehead now devastating, skin glistening with water droplets. You heart stilled, he looked gorgeous – and naughty. Behind him your bikini bottoms floated to the surface. A smirk spread across his face as he finally replied. “Getting you naked.” And then he was on you. 
He kissed you hungrily, his erection pressed up against you, hot and eager now, just like his tongue. Your fingers threaded through his wet locks, letting him push his body weight into you until the backs of your legs hit the seat. 
“Up here for me,” he pulled away briefly, command light, tapping his hand against the deck behind you. You let him slip his hands around your hips and lift you up, legs spread to accommodate his body, feet still in the water atop of the seat. 
“You’re not too cold?” He made sure to ask, concerned despite being ravenous. You shook your head, desire for him enough despite the night air cooling the water against your skin. Satisfied he immediately dove in, leaning forward to place a kiss against your wetness. You pulsed against the touch, moving back on your elbows to get comfier just as his tongue came out and flicked against your clit. Suddenly you didn’t care that you were outside. 
From up here you had a great view of the expanse of his broad, wet back, muscles rippling as he ate you out. You moaned softly, running a hand through his hair, gaze falling to his face. His eyes were closed, water droplets caught in his dark eyebrows and as if he could feel your eyes watching him, he looked up, smirking against you before he sucked the sensitive bud into his mouth, actions growing more eager as he heard you go crazy for it. 
He knew your body well, which is why he cruelly held off slipping a finger inside of you. Actually, on second thought, he knew damn well that the second he did so, your orgasm would soon follow. It wasn’t hard to tease your body, to control it how he wanted. As soon as you felt his middle digit push inside, you clenched around it, hips bucking into Seokjin’s face as a stifled cry forced its way out of your mouth. He grunted, inserting another finger, curling and uncurling them as his other hand gripped your hip, trying his best to keep you still. It was no use, you were a woman possessed, pleasure beginning to hurtle through your body at an alarming rate. You stretched out, fingers of one hand sliding along the wood beneath you, desperately trying to cling onto something as you moaned uncontrollably. Seokjin hummed along, encouraging you, coaxing the orgasm through your body. With each wave your breath shuddered harder. 
You only started coming to when you felt his fingers slip out of you, his tongue ceasing, mouth now at your inner thigh, kissing you wetly, passionately. Your hands reached for him, wanting him close, but he was already on it, straightening up to meet your mouth. “I need you,” he breathed. You could taste yourself, it was intoxicating. “Here.” 
“Here?!” You exclaimed weakly, unfocused eyes trying to concentrate on his face. 
He kissed you once more, moaning a little. “Yeah.” His hands wrapped around your hips, lifting you further up the decking before he climbed out of the water and crawled over your body, reaching for something behind you. “Look – let’s use this.” He had a beach towel in his hand, the one you’d left draped over one of the wicker chairs, and he hurriedly laid it out, pressing you into it to kiss you again. His cock was hard and wet, bobbing against your inner thighs. 
“Are you sure you’re not cold?” He asked, wet hair now having fallen in his eyes. 
You cupped his face, nodding your head as you leaned up. You were still thrumming from your high. “Yes.” Your tongue curled against his open mouth, slipping in to meet his own. The kiss was messy, distracted, as he spread your legs, hooking one up under your thigh. 
Breaking away from your mouth, he straightened his back and aligned himself at your entrance, needing no hands he was so erect. You clung to his shoulders, waiting for the first thrust. His skin was still dotted with water droplets. “I’m too impatient, baby,” he told you simply, and then he pushed inside. 
Slowly, savouring the feeling of your walls stretching around him, both of you gasping as he bottomed out. With a slow thrust he groaned. “You feel like heaven.” As he leaned in to kiss you, he noticed you trying to hold back a giggle. “What?” 
You burst. “That was so cheesy.” 
Chuckling, he kissed you again, tips of his ears turning red. “Don’t laugh at me.” You snorted, unable to help it, reaching for him in silent apology, despite laughter still escaping you. “Seriously, stoppp,” he whined, dropping his head. 
You grinned. “Or what?” 
That got his attention. Looking up, his top lip twitched. His hand cupped your face, thumb brushing over your lips. “I’ll have to teach you a lesson,” he murmured, voice an octave lower. You opened up, sucking the digit into your mouth, looking up at him knowingly. He knew what you were thinking. That didn’t sound so bad. 
“My mistake.” He smiled, gaze intense as he pulled away, his thumb leaving you with a silent pop. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” 
You were seconds away from agreeing but became distracted, watching him lift both legs up by the back of your thighs now, hiking them above his shoulders. He dick slipped so deep you choked, feeling so full you didn’t know what to do. 
“S-seokjin,” you panicked, your hands clutching his arms. 
He cocked his head to the side, voice soft. “Trust me?”  
You nodded, something already so addicting about feeling him inside you like this. You felt beyond sensitive, beginning to tremble as he slowly thrust in and out of you, bringing the tip of his cock almost all the way out before sinking back into your warmth. You moaned out, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes with a pleasure so overwhelming. He sped up, going harder now that he was certain you were enjoying yourself, wet squelches sounding along with your moans and his grunts. You loved watching him fuck you like this, towering down over you, the wet spikes of hair falling down around his face, fucking you with his entire body weight, your ass sliding back and forth against the towel. 
However, you also loved kissing him. Holding him as he thrust inside, keeping him to you. 
“Seokjin,” you breathed, voice tight, hands reaching for him. He got the message, easing your legs to the ground carefully as he took one of your hands and brought it up to his mouth, kissing it tenderly, your name slipping from his lips, breathless and husky. 
He moved closer, capturing your lips eagerly and you hooked your legs around his waist, clinging to the back of his neck in the process as your hips jutted up to meet each roll of his own. You were both panting by now, grunts of exertion slipping from your mouths as you continued to make out. His movements were messier, wet bodies pressed up close, enough to provide enough friction for a second orgasm. 
“Ah… I’m close,” he panted, mouth grazing down your throat as he attempted to keep the same momentum. 
“M-me too.” 
That spurred him on, hips snapping into yours with a cry, newfound determination, lips pressing into yours once more. You came together, out of breath and quite sweaty, but mouths unrelenting. You’d never get enough of kissing him. It was addictive – especially like this. 
Spent, he slid out of your dampness naturally, having grown flaccid, kissing you slowly now, indulgently, until he was moving south, capturing your left breast in his mouth, tongue encircling your nipple. You shuddered as he pulled back, one of his hands cupping the right breast to give that a parting kiss too. It wouldn’t be long before you started growing cold, but you were so content here you didn’t care. 
Seokjin lifted his head up, gazing straight into your eyes. His were warm and soft, drunk on your beauty (or so he would say). “I want to give you the world,” he breathed, sealing his confession with a press of his mouth. 
Your heart swelled, heat prickling your skin and you clung to him. But despite that, you felt the need to joke around. Call it a defence mechanism, who knew. “Men are so weak,” you chuckled, running your fingers through his hair to pull it back, revealing his face again. The tips had already started to dry. “Let them cum inside you and they’re like putty in your hands.” 
He laughed too, genuinely amused, but his eyes were still soft and he leaned into your touch, content with the way you held his face now. “I mean it though,” he whispered. “Tell me what you want. Anything. I’ll make it happen.” 
You raised an eyebrow. He was being ridiculous, acting drunk. Still, you were pretty simple. You didn’t have many wishes, many dreams. “I want to travel on a plane.” 
It was his turn to lift an eyebrow, intrigued. “Like a private jet or?”
“No,” you giggled, “just a plane in general.” You kissed his nose. “You know I’ve never been out of the country before.” 
“You want me to take you on vacation?” He hummed, turning suggestive pretty quickly. “A sexcation?”
“Seokjinn,” you whined, dropping your hands from his face. 
He nudged his nose against yours playfully. “Well, of course there’ll be sex involved, but,” he grew serious, genuinely interested, “where do you want to go?” 
“Hm, anywhere?”
“Anywhere,” he confirmed, adding, “unless it’s another planet, or the moon.” 
You smiled, amused, yet deeply preoccupied now. Where did you want to go? What was your dream destination? You’d had one place in mind since you were a child. Running a hand down his bare chest you suddenly felt coy. “I want to visit Paris.” 
He grinned. “France, Mademoiselle?” 
You matched it. “Oui.” 
“Done.” He kissed you, sealing the deal. “Let’s go there tonight.” 
You burst out laughing at his idiocy. “I have school. You have work – a daughter!”
He laughed too, but he was distracted, gazing at you tenderly once more. He opened his mouth, about to say something but hesitated. Instead he smiled, nodding his head resolutely. “Okay, soon. Very soon.” He laughed when you squealed in excitement, bringing one of your hands to his lips. “I’m going to take you to the most romantic city on earth, baby.” 
.
.
It was Sunday the next day, which meant only one thing. Lazy morning sex. It was his favourite, his time to indulge in all things beautiful and pleasurable he told you. (i.e. You). You’d grown used to his lame lines, he couldn’t help it, and deep down you secretly loved them. A man so shameless with his desire, his devotion. You really had hit the jackpot. 
Sundays were also your excuse to just be lazy in general. You usually skipped breakfast in choice of an early lunch, but today you wanted to picnic outside. You knew in a week or so the weather would begin to change more drastically so this was your last chance. You made a reluctant Seokjin get out of bed and shower with you, ignoring his advances as you did so. He was like a dog in heat. Not that you usually complained, but today you really wanted to hit the grocery store before rush hour. Sundays were always busy. 
A few hours later you had everything ready, outside in the spot that saw the most sun. It bleated down on you as you kneeled, arranging all the dishes across the blanket you’d placed down across the lawn. 
“Oh, shoot. I forgot the salad.” Seokjin realised by the side of you. “I’ll be one sec, honey.” He kissed your cheek as he stood, smacking your ass playfully in the process. “Don’t start without me.”
“What will you do about it?” You called out to him, unable to help it. 
“If you’re feeling brave, I guess you’ll find out.” He called back with a laugh, retreating into the house. 
A good girl, you waited patiently, but then time started to tick on. One minute, then five… At ten you stood up with a sigh. Where was he? You had visions of the salad bowl on the floor smashed to smithereens. You made your way through the doors that led inside the back of the house. You past his study, calling his name. “Seokjin? Did you get lost?”
You were met with silence, which wasn’t surprising, his home was big after all. Down the corridor, closer to the kitchen you began to hear voices. Seokjin’s familiar rumble, although you couldn’t make it out, and then a louder, unfamiliar voice – female. You followed the sound, realising it was coming from the living room nearest the front door. A sick feeling was slowly creeping its way up your throat, but you didn’t understand why. As you got closer your heart began to race, blood rushing through your ears. There was this sudden feeling of dread. It was so strong you could practically taste it, and you were so frazzled you couldn’t concentrate on the words you were hearing as you rounded the corner of the open door, although you did acknowledge them. 
Immediately as you came into view you heard them loud and clear though. Directed at you. 
“Oh, and this is her, right?” 
They were coming from a woman, her dark eyes piercing into yours. She was beautiful, was your first thought. Tall and slim, with long black hair, so silky she could have come straight from a shampoo commercial. It reminded you of someone. Her hair just as dark and shiny. Arin. 
At the thought of the child’s name, you looked down, spotting her beside the stranger, clinging to her hand, eyes wide and shiny with worried tears. Everything clicked into place then. Confusion clearing, yet the sick feeling got stronger. This wasn’t a stranger. It was Arin’s mother. Seokjin’s ex-wife. Nana. And she looked angry. 
You glanced around, spotting Seokjin who was looking your way with apologetic eyes. His face looked torn. He murmured your name, stepping towards you, a protective hand reaching for your own. He held it tight, giving you a comforting squeeze. His palm was clammy. 
“Yes, here she is!” Nana laughed harshly, needing no reply. It made you wince. Beside you Seokjin groaned quietly, rubbing his free hand across his face before he took a deep breath. As if he was gearing himself up. 
You looked at Nana, chest a little tight, something heavy in your stomach. When your eyes locked the corners of her mouth curled upwards. 
“The stepmom!” She sneered. 
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Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021
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mistersshelby · 4 years ago
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I have an idea for the story. So, maybe Thomas Shelby would be invited to a party to do some business but all of the guests would be speaking in different language (unfamiliar to Thomas) and he would ask the reader to come to the party to translate it (she would be almost native to it) and the guests would hit on her all the time and even though Tom and reader are not together he would be veeeeeeery jealous of her!!! (We love some good jealous Thomas) It’s just an idea, I hope you liked it! 😊
sorry this took so long!! hope you like it! also just disclaimer i don't actually speak german anything i used here i used google translate for so i'm sorry if it's incorrect!!
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questions, comments, concerns
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“Business with the Germans?” You frown, “I didn’t know you worked with the Germans.”
“The alliance is new. Will you do it?” You’re sitting across from Tommy in his office and he looks rather bored, “I’ll pay you extra.”
You smirk, “Can I get a new dress?”
He sighs, “Sure.”
“Okay.” You fold your hands in your lap, “I’ll do it.”
“Great.” He says dismissively, “I’ll pick you up at 7.” He pushes some cash across his desk, “Go pick out a dress.”
You eagerly take the cash and leave his office. Tommy never took you on business. You had always hoped he would, but you knew for the most part he only ever asked you to check over the books for him, needing your patience and attention to detail. But now, now he needed your German. And you got to wear a pretty dress.
Tommy was silent as he drove you to the party. The only instructions he gave were to not let anyone know that you spoke German, at least at first. Easy enough. After being in Birmingham for so long you were more capable of sounding like a native Brummie than a German anyway. Though your mother had left Germany with you long before the Great War, you knew the way the Brits saw Germans and so you had removed every trace of your native country from yourself.
“You’re German.” Tommy had said the day you sat across from him, to apply for the secretarial position.
“Yes.” You swallowed tightly. You knew a decorated war vet like Tommy was highly unlikely to hire a German, but you had to try. You were out of money and you needed a job.
“When did you leave your home country?”
“1910, sir.”
“And who did you support in the war?”
You opened and closed your mouth, “I was still quite a young girl then, sir, I knew nothing of politics.”
He carefully leaned forward at his desk and folded his hands in front of him. You avoided his eyes, “Which side?”
“I supported the Allied Forces, sir. I like living here, I supported my new home.” You say quietly, still unable to meet his eyes.
“You don’t sound German.” He says.
You look up at that, “When the war started I made sure I sounded like true Brummie. I think you know what patriotic men do to women from the enemy country.” You recalled a memory of being backed into an alley by two Englishmen who had heard you mutter something in German while in a shop. “I rarely speak German anymore.”
“But you can?”
“Yes,” You say and smile sadly, “Sprechen erinnert es mich an meine Mutter.”
He had no idea what you had just said, but it made no difference, “Good.” He took out a cigarette and lit it, “You’re hired.”
You think now as you sit in this car that even all that time ago, Tommy must have foreseen that he would need someone around who spoke German. 
Though you had looked forward to this party all evening, you felt like your heart was going to burst out of your chest as Tommy walked you inside, “Stay close to me and just listen.” Is all he says and you manage a nod.
Hearing the cacophony of German as you entered the room nearly brought you to tears. You loved England and were proud to be English now, but you hadn’t been in a room with so many Germans since you were barely a girl and the nostalgia rushed through you. You thought of family parties, your father sneaking you a sip of beer when your mother wasn’t looking, the smell of her potato pancakes filling the whole house.
“Are you alright?” Tommy asked, noticing the expression on your face.
You shook off the memories, “Fine.”
Tommy grabbed two champagne flutes off the waiter’s tray and handed one to you as an older man approached him, flanked by two associates.
He spoke to Tommy in heavily accented English about a deal. It didn’t concern you and they were speaking English so you directed your attention elsewhere and found there were several sets of eyes on you. You were one of maybe two women that were in the room currently and you found yourself sweating beneath their predatory gazes.
And then one of the associates of the man who spoke to Tommy said something lowly and German and you had to hide your blush. Tommy sensed your change in behavior and forced a smile, “Excuse us a moment,” He takes your arm and drags you from the room, “What did he say?”
You open and close your mouth, “Tommy, it had nothing to do with the business, it’s fine.”
He narrows his eyes at you, “They said something about you. They know you’re German.”
You sigh, “No, but with the way you just pulled me out of there, I’m sure they do now.”
“What did he say?” He repeats.
You chewed the inside of your cheek and sighed, “They want to have a go at me as well in addition to… The weapons that you seem to be selling them.”
He stares at you and then nods, “You can let them know you speak German now.” And then walks back to the men without waiting for you.
You frown to yourself and then walk back to Tommy. When you return, they’re speaking business again and the one who suggested he wanted to fuck you stares you down again. You look away.
He elbows the man talking to Tommy, “Sag ihm, ich will Zeit mit seiner Hure oder es wird keinen Deal geben.” Tell him I want time with his whore or there will be no deal.
You finally look at him, the disgust evident on your face, “Ich bin keine Hure und wenn du mich berührst, werde ich sicherstellen, dass du mit einer Hand weniger gehst.” 
The men pale and Tommy leans to your ear, “What just happened?”
“He insisted on fucking me and I told him if he touched me he’d leave without his hand.”
Tommy couldn’t hide the smirk on his face as he turned back to the Germans who still had yet to regain their color.
“You brought a German with you?” The first one said.
“Well, I didn’t want to be at a disadvantage seeing as I’m the only Englishman here, surely you understand. It appears you’ve upset her as well,” He clicks his tongue, “That’s not a very good idea.”
“My men are not afraid of your small woman, Mr. Shelby, and they still feel that since you brought her here she is fair game--”
“I think she made it perfectly clear that no one will be laying a hand on her,” He stepped to the man, “You may not be afraid of her, but you should be very afraid of me. And I don’t take kindly to my associates being disrespected.” He steps back, “Now we can resume the business or we’re leaving. Your choice.”
“You forget, Mister Shelby, that you are outnumbered here.”
Tommy smiles, nodding, “You think I would come alone. I brought a German with me, none of you thought to consider that I would prepare in that way. Do you really want to take the gamble that no one else is with me?”
The Germans hesitantly looked around the room. You were fairly certain Tommy was bluffing, but he could have men waiting outside that he hadn’t told you about. If you were the Germans, you wouldn’t take the gamble. Tommy was fuckin’ ruthless, you’d witnessed it first hand, but he was also clever as hell. Could probably outsmart every person in this room. You would never bet against him.
Suddenly, the Germans smile, “Why don’t you and your woman enjoy the party, eh? The business can wait.”
Tommy stares for a moment before smirking, “Pleasure, gentlemen.” And then he leads you away.
You exhale in relief and Tommy notices, “I’m sorry.”
“No,” You frown, “No, don’t be sorry.” And then you smile, “This is the most alive I’ve felt in years.”
He manages a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, “Go enjoy yourself, then. We’ll leave in an hour or two.” And then he’s gone before you can protest.
Before you know it, there’s another man next to you. He has kind eyes, “Sprichst du Deutsch?” He asks.
You nod, offering him a shy smile, “Ja.”
Tommy had disappeared into a dark corner, perplexed by the sudden feeling he needed to protect you, needing to drown it in alcohol. He was watching you still, the easy way you talked to the men who ate up your smiles and shy glances. You were kind, good. And yet, when you bit back at those Germans like a Rottweiler he thought maybe you had been hiding something from him. These men would rue the day they underestimated you, he was sure of it. He was beginning to regret it himself especially as he saw the glint of a knife tucked away in your hair disguised as a clip, something he certainly had not told you to bring.
They all eat you up, and you’re polite, but you keep looking around the room. Looking for more suitable men or looking for him? He lets himself imagine the latter and then feels incredibly stupid for even wanting it. Wanting you. And the want and the jealousy only grows as he keeps drinking and you laugh at some joke the German toff next to you had recited. You even reach out a hand to rest on his arm. Tommy’s hand tightens on his glass.
And then when he leans over to whisper in your ear, his lips fall to your neck. You don’t push him away and the roaring in Tommy’s ears is deafening. He wants you to reach for that knife in your hair and cut him, but instead you lean into his touch, your eyelids fluttering with pleasure. 
That’s the final straw. Tommy cracks his neck each way before standing. He walks over to you calmly and clears his throat from behind and you jump, spinning to look at him. “Tommy, I--”
“Are you having fun, love?” His tone becomes territorial and the toff is already frowning. Good. But you’re also frowning at the endearment. He doesn’t blame you, he hadn’t paid much attention to you before tonight.
You frown, “Yes.” You say firmly. He almost raises his eyebrows at the challenge in your voice.
“Go and fuck off now.” He says to the toff, not taking his eyes off you.
“I, but, we were just--” The toff starts and you begin smirking.
“Yes, Tommy,” You continue, “We were just getting to know each other, did you need me for something?” He can see in your eyes you’re aware of the effect you’ve had on him tonight and you’re enjoying this. You’d push him over the edge if you could. He had gravely misjudged you.
“You’d like to continue talking with the toff?”
“Oh, Tommy,” You lower your voice, “We were doing much more than just talking.” There’s deadly rage in his eyes and it delights you.
“Brauchst du mich, um ihn loszuwerden?” Do you need me to get rid of him?
You laugh, still looking at Tommy, “Oh nein, Liebling, du würdest dich nur umbringen lassen.” Oh no, darling, you’d only get yourself killed.
“What are you saying to him?” Tommy asks coldly.
You ignore his question, “What would you do if I kissed him right now?” You whisper in Tommy’s ear.
He looks at you with such disdain, you’re unsure if maybe you crossed the line. “Do you want him dead?” Tommy asks quickly in Romani. You had spent enough time with the Shelbys to pick up some words here and there and he knew you would understand. 
You stare him down for a few moments, the poor toff still waiting behind you. Finally, you sigh and turn to him, “I’m terribly sorry, but I must be going.” You tell him in English, “It was lovely to meet you.” You don’t kiss him on the mouth, but you do kiss his cheek lightly and it takes everything in Tommy not to pull that knife out of your hair himself and cut him.
You walk out without waiting for the toff or Tommy and as he walks behind you he thinks of all the ways he’ll give you hell for what you did in there. When you’re outside, he catches up to you and grabs your arm, backing you against the wall. He grips your throat with his hand, enough that it should scare you, but not enough to make it hard to breathe.
But you only look at him defiantly, that smirk still on your face, “If I had known it was this easy to make Tommy Shelby squirm I would’ve done this ages ago.” You said.
He can’t answer you, can’t think of anything but that mouth, that dirty, cursed mouth. And so he covers it with his own. His kiss is rough and angry and his hand tightens around your throat enough to make you gasp, but he can feel you’re still smiling. You like it. That only arouses him further.
“You’re fuckin’ evil.” He says into your mouth and you moan when he tightens his hand again, “Will you come to bed with me?”
He pulls away from you the smallest bit to read your face. “Yes,” You say breathlessly.
He leans in for one more hungry kiss before pulling you roughly by the wrist to the car. His hand wandering up your thigh throughout the drive home. It was probably the best night of your adult life.
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