#but it is weird how for whatever reason part of my brain decides im not allowed to do things until i meet X conditions

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[yuraslefttoe]

Follow up: Sorry, that came out weird. I'm not a native speaker, so I got confused by how certain lines were written, like:

"another plead for more" - "plead" is used as a noun

"now, i know, to do what i'm told" - that second comma threw me off and I thought the parts didn't connect well

"just can't help myself, go on and open up the skies some more" - same reason as above

"to watch you sit, stand idle next to me" - same reason as the last two

More than likely that I'm just stupid and read the lines wrong. Again, sorry for the weird ask.

okay let me see

still using plead in the infinitive verb form (its just a modification on the saying "plead for more") but also im no master of linguistics, this line just fit because the general theme of red hour is repetition

these commas probably aren't grammatically correct and the lyrics originally did have alot of errors because i pull them straight from the notebook in fl studio where i write them so its mostly just how i felt like writing in the moment. Usually i use commas to denote to myself that there will be a very brief pause in the melody (kinda like what it does in speech but the double comma is kinda weird i agree)

here the right grammar would probably be "but i just can't help myself, go on, and open up the sky some more" but that is just what makes sense in my mind (the punctuation is kinda just whatever my brain decides to do in the moment i guess)

i do this alot when i write lyrics with this specific stanza (you can see it in footnote with the line "so i'll sit, stay in my place") its just a stylistic choice with the double starting consonant thing

overall its basically just a stylistic choice from my brain when i plan out the flow of the lyrics

[okamiwind]

writing meme

stolen from my best buddy @lilcrickee

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason.

First ever published: you're the prize (i wish i'd won) EXO, kyungsoo/jongin lord almighty, it's almost been six years! how surreal is that. yeah, i had this idea for an enemies to lovers fic while watching parks and recreation. i dont know. it was one of those things that just absolutely compelled me. it's kaisoo bc i was reading a lot of kaisoo before jumping into the fandom. i look back on this one fondly, but i dont think i'm confident enough to reread it. might hurt my feelings lmao

Last fic published: i aim to be your eyes EXO, sehun/junmyeon my fuckin baby!!! still ongoing. probably will finish sometime in 2024. well. Crossing my fingers anyway. it's long and silly, but i love writing it. once i start reading over some part of it, i immediately feel like i need to add more to it. i love writing all the little characters and reading how people think things will end up. i still have yet to decide on the ending, but who knows, maybe i'll sopranos it.

Fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once: the million roads that lead to you MDZS, lan zhan/wei ying wrote this before even watching the live action. definitely not sure how it holds up. will almost certainly never write another fic for this fandom, but it was fun to write regardless!

Favorite fic you wrote in a fandom/ship that has the most works: in the blood haikyuu, keishin/ittetsu had no idea that haikyuu had more fics than any of my other fandoms. so it goes. it was interesting to see that nct has surpassed exo too. cwazy daisies. anyway, i love this fic, i think its kinda my masterpiece for haikyuu. i sometimes want to return to this pairing, but the lack of engagement sours my mood abt it a bit. i love writing it, but i feel like the more i shove it in people's faces, the less likely they are to read lol

Fic you wish more people read: lawyers, guns, and money EXO, sehun/baekhyun i thought this was a great little fic (she says, looking at the novel length word count) and i was really shocked that it didnt get more love. i mean, its fun, it's spacey, it's found family. i still really like a lot of the passages, i think they're very pretty. maybe i'll reread it myself since NO ONE ELSE WILL!

Fic you agonized over the most: chronos-826 EXO, sehun/junmyeon i can hardly remember the way this fest was run, but lord, i remember being irked. like there was noooo communication if you weren't on the discord, and i was like jeez, i know it said you could join but i didnt know it would be MANDATORY if you wanted information about the event lol. but yeah. despite all that, i really enjoyed writing this. and by enjoyed, i mean went insane. literally i felt like i was going crazy throughout the majority of it, and while the finished product is a lot different from what i had envisioned (something more along the lines of House of Leaves with that element of interactivity.... sigh) im still proud of what i managed to produce

Fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort: pilgrimage EXO, sehun/baekhyun yeah this fic was just so weird and like. Fantastical. it felt like it was dropped from god's hands into my brain. like i sat there and wrote the first 10k almost in a Flow state, didn't touch it for months, and then just banged out the rest like it was nothing. i doubt anything will ever come so easily to me ever again, but yeah. what a time to be alive!

Work you are proud of—for whatever reason: i write to you from the road and the red king's consort BOTW/TOTK, sidon/link i just think these are some really nice examples of my writing. idk. like i think they accomplish what they seek to accomplish, i think they're stylish and pretty, i think they have a lot of earned emotional weight to them. Just some nice fics by me imo. anyway. that's it.

anyone who follows me is free to follow in my meme-ing footsteps but i would like to tag @fff777 and @deepbutdazzlingdarkness to see their answers as well :3

[cherry-berry-candy]

okay TLoRS complaints and nitpicks sorry folks

(ft. my headmate nyx cowriting lol)

yes i am 100% going to be overly critical but i feel like i can nitpick if im open about this being partially nitpicks. this episode has just been really sticking in our brain, so we found ourselves with a lot to say about it, especially as we rewatch it. this also slowly turned into me thinking "okay, truman show theory has to be real because i feel like things wouldn't be this Weird otherwise, there's no way it was just written this way"

OKAY i put a cut so i can justify how ungodly long this got 😭

why are we going to unit about this right now? what spurred this on? (this is a bit of a pattern this season, stories just kind of... starting. truman show fixes this, but otherwise...)

why is the immediate assumption that susan MUST be this exact susan related to the doctor? why is this so quickly accepted as fact? was the TARDIS anagram supposed to be enough justification? (maybe we're being overly critical here... i can see ruby having the immediate thought with TARDIS/susan, but even then i feel like im filling in gaps for the story just to justify that)

also, why are we also working on ruby's mystery mom right now? is there a reason outside of... we need to get involved with her story for the purpose of the narrative? (again there's some version of the truman show reveal that could explain this, but right this second...)

is there any reason for the "is there any chance they're... the same woman?"? like, we as the audience are assuming that these things are related, because they're the season arc. the show is nodding to the fact that we as the audience are assuming this. but why is morris making this assumption? (this is very much nitpicky i feel, but i cant help it! 13's era has made me a lot more vigilant to purely-for-the-plot lines)

does it make sense for rose to come with ruby for, like. any reason? 😭i mean, she needs to come with, so that carla can have the 20 second interaction that makes her decide to come to UNIT, but like... 😭??? they just met, and i like that they immediately vibe, but it's still weird, no? even when we get there, she's not even in any shots until she says the two lines that lead to carla going to UNIT. is this intentionally supposed to feel weird, is it just kind of awkward, or am i just being nitpicky again?

speaking of carla... it's so weird for me that she decides she's joining unit just because rose's mom is part of it?? especially since this decision is split second 20 seconds into the scene 😭and the music just reads so cheesy to me. it feels unearned with how little carla we've had this season, especially compared to rose tyler's family, martha's family, donna's family.... okay just the RTD families tbh LOL, but those are the only families who were ever directly involved in the Major plot points. (again, maybe truman show reveal retroactively fixes this- well of COURSE she thought she needed to join unit, that needed to happen for the plot to happen, wink!)

"do you think it's her?" wait. okay, so... we're not working under the assumption that she is already? when did that change? 😭we were full in on "well yeah, that's who she is!" to "are you sure she is?" to "she is, you should go say hi!" (though... rewatching it seems like it's mostly ruby who sticks to this assumption? but no one ever like... denies the assumption or throws doubt on it until kate briefly thinks it, before quickly going back to the assumption. idk, am i reading this wrong?)

wait, we... already knew susan triad was human? we did??? why and how did we already know that what 😭 (edit: we misunderstood a line from earlier! for whatever reason, we thought "no alien traces" referred to her technology- turns out it actually refers to her biology! oops!)

kind of going out of order now but who the hell is this UNIT guy. not the one who dies, the other one (looked it up, Ibrahim!) it's because he's going to be a main character in the inevitable UNIT spinoff, right? like there's literally no other reason to name him? lol 😭

goes doubly for the vlinx. we don't know what it is, but we just really don't like him. we can't put it properly into words, it's just weird that he exists 😭he does nothing for me he's just supposed to be this Sick Epic robot UNIT has for some reason. feels very kids show sci-fi. i guess it's a family show, but we'd been doing fine as a family show without this kind of thing, correct us if we're wrong

aren't we, like. incredibly concerned about susan twist? no offense ruby, but i feel like finding your mom should be a little lower on the priority list here! the doctor prioritizing his companion makes sense but... morris and kate? why are they just cool with this detour? there's just no protest at the doctor sidelining the susan stuff? not to mention it makes the episode feel kind of weird pacing-wise.

"but what happened? what happened on that night?" oh yeah, carla's in the room! im so sorry but carla being here really doesn't feel like it adds much to the scene 😭this question could have been asked by literally anyone, and the delivery doesn't exactly help how i feel about it. everyone else has a verbal reaction to the time window, but carla (well, and ibrahim) are just kind of... in the room about it. until this line, that is. (her next line makes me feel a bit better about her inclusion though, actually a character moment instead of an expositional question! but still... how much would've been lost without her, especially with the flimsy reason for her coming?)

okay no seriously why is ibrahim introduced like he's a character and then get not a single piece of dialogue in this scene

"i know its name... its the beast!" does have some greater significance, especially considering the impossible planet and the beast below- shared VA and satan and all that- i feel like carla being the one person otherwise disconnected from this UNIT/alien stuff does make this line make sense for specifically her. so maybe i really am being harsh on her inclusion at UNIT.

hmmm then again, chidozie makes the connection by mentioning being "in hell", so im still not entirely sold? especially when this connection will probably not be that important- it just adds fun extra context... right?

"i think susan triad is a part of it" okay but seriously where is this connection coming from. like she is a part of it, but why is this the assumption we made? (maybe this is the doctor making an excuse to be selfish, and it's on me for taking him at his word?)

yeah okay if i didn't know what sutekh was, the way this reveal was handled would really do nothing for me 😭like to make the direct comparison to professor yana (especially with the sue tech screen stuff and the typing of "yana", i feel the comparison makes sense... hm especially with the master vainglorious playing... okay tv theory shut up for a second) the master is a recurring villain. not only that, but there are implications that we can gather from the rest of the episode, and the rest of the season. there's a big deal made about the doctor being the last of the time lords, and speaking so highly of them. and then, when he learns he's not alone, he's actually afraid. he's dreading it. it also helps that "the master" is such a similar name to "the doctor", so all this gives us the implication that this is something like an evil doctor. really all the info you need for this reveal. and then, the reveal is even BETTER for people who actually know the master already. sutekh had only showed up once- so folks who didn't watch classic who have a lot less reason to know about them. not only that, but there's not really any, like... themes or anything that show up this season, right? like, the doctor is scared of him, but yeah, he's like. superdeath or something. there were a lot of... triangles! this season! that's something i guess 😭and we didn't really have the context until now that sutekh is part of the pantheon, from what i understand? it just doesn't feel like there's really anything significant to connect sutekh to... anything. kinda losing steam because a billion other people have pointed this out already, but. yeah, it just doesn't hit that hard.

anyway, feel free to yell at me or disagree or what have you! im totally willing to be that i missed something, or overanalyzed something, or was overly critical, or just said something weird because our sleep schedule has been terrible LOL, but i wanted to put a lot of these things down

[qualityempathshoebear]

Obsession Session (As promised)

Ok so let me show you how delusional i am by telling you as much as i can remember about the boy. Ill call him ceaser salad for now. So basically, me, him, and my friend from sociology talked and laughed, and even played heads and tails together. Once the open-evening was over he headed out before us, and me and my friend went to say bye to our teacher. My friend got picked up by her dad and I decided to go to my busstop down in town, I passed by the busstop closest to the school and figured I would get on the bus to take me to town rather than walking down, but for some reason I decided to not get on the bus. I dont know if it was because I had seen ceaser salad in front of me or because i simply didnt feel like it. But the point is that i didnt get on the bus. I walked up to him instead. We stood next to eachother at the crossing stop light and waited for the sign to turn green. Two girls came up behind us and i used it as an excuse to turn my head and pretend like I had just noticed him standing there.

We gave eachother weird looks and then he began talking to me, or maybe i did to him? I cant remember. Regardless, we were talking. He poked fun at my accent any chance he got, told me I was smart, and even made fun of me for waiting on green lights before crossing the road (as if he hadnt stood and waited there himself; which makes the delusional side of my brain think he was waiting for me). We talked about movies and i told him about how scary movies were my favourite. I feel like he was constantly fliring with me, but i dont know if im just delusional. When we got to another road crossing thingy (I have no clue what theyre cllaed) I told him to "click the button" so we could cross, to which he stopped in his tracks in front of it and said "what do you say after that?". It took me a moment to realise what he meant so we said "please" at the same time. He then clicked the button and said "there are your manners". I just responded with scoffed chuckle. THAT SURE FEELS LIKE FLIRTING TO ME. We then walked for a while longer and he asked if i drank, I told him "not really" and asked if he did, he said he drinks but only on "special occasions", whatever that means. I asked if he vaped, he said he didnt, and i told him i would have bullied him if he did. We then saw the aftermath of a car crashing into a pole by mcdonalds, and I said "thats what happens when you dont wait for the light to turn green before crossing" he then very sheepishly responded "no, thats what happens when you cant fucking drive". He then stopped by the scene because he said he was planning on "being nosy" to which i obviously scolded him for inserting himself into peoples car-crashes. He asked if i was turning left, I said yes. I waved bye to him, although im not sure if he did the same, and then we parted ways. I only then realised I hadnt gotten his socials, but I feel like he would have asked me if he wanted mine. To be fair, if he had asked me after we parted, i wouldnt have been able to hear him over the noise. I havent been able to get him out of my head and its honestly ruining my mood, because I know ill probably never see him on camous again and even if i did i doubt hed talk to me or is even thinking of this encounter the way I am. I feel like he maybe just has a flirty personality because he was kind of like that when we were hanging out with my friend. Ugh I just need to forget about him, but I honestly hope he lowkey is thinking about me too. I wasnt wearing any makeup (not even mascara), and my hair was fucked and matted, there is just no way he actually likes me. UGHHH this is so annoying. Anyways ill end this here because ill just hate myself if i keep thinking about this, plus ive got exams coming up i cant be thinking about this. Byeeee.

[theadventuresofsteven]

lmao im leaving so im not alone

I guess this is like one of those “oh no i went for a walk through the past and now im feeling nostalgic” moments (insert ‘bruh’ sound effect). It’s not healthy for me to keep coming back to this website that reminded me of everything that I was when I was young. Maybe the memories that I missed with people that were significant in my life (cough cough @dreamcowboy) were the main factors that I would remanence about the past. But the reason why I missed the past so much was because now that I’m an architect in Hawaii and being a full ass adult is terrifying, this concept makes me feel like Atlas carrying the burdens of the world. Except the “world” in this metaphor is alcoholism and chronic masturbation. It got to the point where I would run to past experiences since, although not all of those memories were great, they were at least comforting and familiar.

 Replaying moments in my head made me at least feel like I wasn’t alone and that maybe I wasn’t turning into a miserable 50 year old white man that day drinks because their wife has an opioid problem and that Frank from HR didn’t just tank his entire retirement pension. The past was always a place in which I could come back to if the world was too harsh to handle. But the more I went back to the past the more I realized this weird contradicting feeling that would creep over me. The feeling that even though I was running to a time when I felt not alone, it only made me feel even more alone. Well, bud, that’s cause I could always return to a place that no one inhabits anymore. You know how in Mario 64 you can jump into those lil paintings and the mario guy goes “yahoo its mario time”? Thats what it felt like. But when I would come back I was still just mario and those adventures were just memories. 

(Bro that fucking mario analogy gave me a fucking aneurism i think my irresponsible bad habits have fully killed my brain cells)

So i’ve decided to stop running to the past and move forward where everyone else is. Maybe that way I won’t feel this constant impending dread. 

:^)

So why even write this whole thing? Who do I have to prove this shit to? Well honestly it’s like one of the last places where I can still see what Dri (if you still go by that) is up to. So this is the part where I kinda directly just address you (hehe sorry bud but it has been like 5 years). 

I know I fucked up a lot in high school and I know I was a terrible partner to you and put you through some of the most heinous shit. I definitely shouldn’t have dropped off those things at your door but honestly since seeing that post you made about how much I fucked up your life I thought that one last throw of “hey im sorry man i hope we can be square” was a good idea lol. 

I know you definitely don’t want to ever hear from me every again cause I was terrible to you, but to me it’s not that simple. You were legit a huge part of my life and you were actually the first human being that I could look in the eyes and say without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I know I didn’t show it but also I was a hormonal teenager. Looking back at every other person I’ve ever been with they really were just extensions of the personality of you that I always loved. 

But i know I’m pushin this shit too far or whatever. I really wished that we could’ve kept in touch but i know that doing so wouldn’t have helped either of us so I guess after 5 (6?) years i’m gonna try and stop going back and reliving moments that we shared. (sappy i know but hey my understanding of love is litterally based off of Television and Movies so don’t blame me, blame the Adam Smith and his invisible hand).

I really wish the best for you and your family (hope your dog is doin well :^) ) and I’m truly sorry for ruining things between us. I’m gonna stalk your page more to read those poems you wrote about me one last time before I finally log off this cesspool of a website lol. 

Take care, Dri. 

Yours Truly,

Changqi

[cigmuttfreud]

today was good. really good. albeit my brain was basically lopsided from running in circles but it was wonderful.

starting with what happened physically, the good-goods if you will:

feeling his hands so posessively gripped against my legs and my arms. i felt pretty helpless, like he could do just whatever he wanted to me (in public reasoning of course, don't want to get too carried away). him controlling how i felt, how much i was able to feel. i was dumbed down to just bucking against his hand and whimpering, hoping he would get the hint and just touch me where it felt good. he would occasionally. probably to gauge a reaction. not that he had any intentions of letting me finish. his punches and scratches hit a sort of jolt in my brain that felt way better than i want to admit. i felt marked. genuinely owned. as the property of him and him only.

however that's just physical business. this next section is just gonna be random thoughts i've been having recently. a lot of these influenced by things hes mentioned. some of it is my own mental derangement.

-

thinking about him pressed against me. holding my legs wide apart as he rams himself inside. keeping a steady pace before stopping completely. forcing my desperate brain to grind myself against him, looking for just any sort of feeling. anything.

-

thinking about him marking me semi-permanantly at least. pressing a blade to my leg or anywhere else he sees fit. carving his name or even just his initials. branding me enough as his property, so nobody would ever think to try and take me. just him cutting me in general. i know its weird.

-

thinking about him kicking me over. coming home after a long day, i jump up at him when he comes through the door. i just missed him so much. he decided to let me stay out of the crate for the day because i'd been good. but i do have a jumping problem. him needing to focus on some work around the house or make dinner, so he just gives a swift kick to the gut. leaving me off with a simple "down".

-

thinking about what he said the other day. i joked about him needing to binge watch stuff in order to get experience and he mentioned making me pick out a video to watch with him. to stop and re-enact all the parts. thinking about him choosing one, and putting me in a bunch of different positions that he sees fit. him telling me to pay attention, because maybe my dumb brain will learn something.

-

thinking about using my mouth on him. trailing slowly up the side with my lips. a little with the tongue. until he grabs my hair and forces me down quickly. my eyes rolling up to look at him as i gag a little. he apologizes profusely. telling me he couldn't help it. it just felt so good. he can't stop now. it's just too good. as he slams my head down again and again. suffocating me a bit as my eyes roll back and forth all hazy.

-

thinking about him not only controlling when i cum anymore, but when i do anything like that in general. i can't touch myself unless he gives me explicit permission. and even then he would make me beg or ask for it, which he knows i'd be sort of embarrassed to do. not being allowed to touch myself in certain ways. him deciding if i can put anything in, or how fast i can go. if i so much as think about disobeying him he'd leave me hanging for the rest of the night until i make it up to him.

-

thinking about me drinking a bunch after dinner together. he has a little, but not too much. i end up decently wasted though. slobbery and incoherent. we're cuddling. watching something on the tv together to wind down. i'm laying on top of him, my face pressed into his chest. content. when i shift a little too much unknowingly. he debates in his head whether or not its ok but it looks like im practically begging for it. even if im not really saying anything.

-

thinking about me not being so good. maybe i do dumb stuff to upset him a bit on accident. but whatever it is, i end up losing privileges i usually have. and so that night, as a sort of punishment, he makes me present for him. he sits in a comfy chair, free to do whatever he pleases, as he makes me sit on the floor in front of him. if i want him to touch me, or do anything to me, i have to put on a good show for him.

-

thinking about his voice. i love his voice so much. it's one of my favorite parts about him. thinking about the heavy breathing. the way his voice gets all high and shaky when i toy with him. the way his face twists a little and you hear the little "oh my god" he does before cumming. him talking to me alone could get me somewhere, more than is probably normal. thinking about him talking to me the whole time honestly. commenting on how dumb and pathetic i am, how weird i am for this. i'm just a toy for him to mess with. a dumb mutt who needs to learn his place. literally he could say anything and it'd work. i'm thinking about the faux sympathy he does sometimes. a gentle tone when he's teasing me, asking me what's wrong. it sounds like he's concerned, but he's just looking to tease me. talking like i'm a poor little thing while making fun of me for it.

anyways thats all folks im normal.

[b0mblover]

a gods confusion

(/1)

by: J

(help this is just about lopt plates and jirou being grossed out by it)

6 in the morning, not much was on the docket, the only reason jirou was up at this time anyways was because he had online classes, well just one, who decided to host a class about sewing at 6 am anyways? more importantly why would jirou join. winter classes were always hardest, it was too cold to get out of bed and everyone takes the evening classes more than in the summer, but just one class at 6 am wasnt the end of the world. it spanned for an hour, giving a ten minute break in the middle, some people worked on what they were taught, or used the bathroom or got something to eat. jirou prefered to use the bathroom and continue whatever he was working on, to not lose focus. 6:35, he came out of the bathroom, he noticed that lopt was chewing on something that had a… less than pleasant sound. Not wanting to miss class for the 5th time already, he mentally made a note to ask lopt. thankfully, the last 20 minutes went mostly smooth, since it was only the beginning of the semester, it was just mostly about how to get your ideas onto paper and whatnot. Jirou, as much as he wishes he wouldve, didnt pay much attention, his grades were mostly fine, granted a few c’s and d’s in math but over all a’s and b’s so he didnt hwve to worru about grades that much, jusy missing classes. He walked out of his room to see lopt watching some news station called “fox news”. he was aware that was an american “news” station, how the hell did they get that in japan? “hey” “oh youre done with your class already? what do you want me to tuck you back into bed?” lopt replied, with a vague british accent, lopt isnt british. “i, wha, no, i meant to ask you something” he said, vaguely confused. “which would be..?” “what the hell were you eating earlier, it sounded disgusting” “huh? what do you mean, oh those white disc thingys?” he sounded as if he were actually confused as to what jirou said. “Uh, i guess? i thought we didnt have much food.. and i know mostly what we keep.” “oh, do you not know the name either?” “i mean no? i guess not??” jirou had literally no fucking idea as to what lopt was talking about “here hold on ill show you” “um alright?” lopt walked over to the kitchen cabinets before skimming over tiny labels at the bottom, they were in braille, how was he even reading them by looking? 

(note, braille because 1. noriko has shit eyesite and its funny to imagine that she basically is blind 2. i have a parasite in my brain that makes me include some part of my life)

he landed on one, the third from the oven. opened it, grabbed whatever the hell he was speaking of and walked back to jirou. “see this!” “lopt.. please dont tell me you were eating that” “huh i was why?” lopt spoke at a rather quick pace, which is just wonderful for someone with auditory processing disorder. (sarcasm) “i, lopt, those are plates, why the hell” “oh, plates huh? they taste bland honestly, maybe they need to be heated up?” he thought to himself aloud “i uh no? lopt youre not supposed to eat those? how do you not know that..” “what do ya mean? ive heard the word but ive never seen one, must be some new day thing” he muttered the last part to himself. “lopt, what i know you know what a plate is, yknow.. a dish? bowl? salver? platter??” “Oh a salver! oh thats what this is wait what why does it look so weird?” “i what? lopt thats how plates have always looked?” “nah what no, salvers dont look like this at all!” “i, i mean maybe not? i why am i still awake, im gonna go sleep goodnight” jirou groaned and walked to his room alone. Lopt, still questioning if he really ate a “salver” decided to look for his phone, of course he had no idea where he put it, for being a god, he was awfully forgetful. 

[nothing-ramblings]

its currently 1am in my timezone and I just made this blog on a whim because i cant stop thinling about this stupid thing isaw months ago and its too late to bother my friends about it so hi

i dont remember how long ago exactly but its been a few months- i saw a post calling ouran problematic for the whole "incest thing". at the time i ignored it cause i hate confrontation but sometimes it comes back to haunt me by which i mean annoyingly take up space in my mind

now i havent read the manga, but i did watch the qnime and i believe the post was specifically about the anime. now maybe they just quit it very early on or maybe we just have very different interpretations but the anime i watched did not in fact have any incest in it. it did have kaoru and hikaru playing with that trope at the host club, and iirc trying to shock their nanny at one point? but thats the main thing here, and it's something the anime does a lot, they are playing with the trope.

while i can understand that being enough to cause discomfort i feel like its not only inaccurate but also unfair as i feel like it discredits the way the show makes fun of these common tropes in reverse harem (the genre it's a part of). no actual incest happens in that anime, in fact both brothers happen to have a crush on haruhi as is the rule w this type of anime and i think one of them even decides to step back for his brother.

now why am i rambling about this months after i saw a random post? mostly because im trying to sleep and my brain is going in circles on this topic. but also because it does genuinely bother me.

im not comfortable with incest in the media i consume either, i also know it can be a trigger for some people (then again anything can be a trigger), and some people just dont like it because they think its morally reprehensible to even write about it, while others are huge fans of game of thrones the incest show! im not here to talk morality because thats a whole other topic about howuch you believe fiction affects reality and im not here for that, im here for a stupid too-long anime post about nothing important. the thing is calling it incest when it isn't just feels misleading and once again discredits the thing the show likes to do of mocking these tropes, its silly to point at a parody and claim its supporting the thing its actually parodying. i dont think thats how those work but i could be wrong idk!

i just think that, if you don't like somehing you watched or read or whatever, you can just say so without making up a reason to call it problematic, or taking smth out of context to call it problematic. hell idk maybe there IS smth u could call problematic about ouran, there must be seeing as no media is flawless, i just think calling the hikaru and kaoru bit "incest" kinda downplays actual incest which like. Maybe people are trying to avoid? and maybe some of those people would think the joke is gross while others wouldnt rlly care.

At least specify its not actual incest and ur just uncomfortable w them pretending to be. thats totally fair!!! just dont call it smth it isnt idk

anyway i rlly like these lil shits even if their schtick is kinda iffy kinda weird

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[tiredrobin]

@avimaka hi, to preface im so so so sorry for how long this is. i love to talk so much, and i implore u to ignore this if ur like "what the hell calm down" HFHSDFHSDFHSD

nods. and thats, like, normal! for literally any fandom! theres always gonna be character interpretations that just dont Jive, but in a lot of cases im personally generally somewhat capable of putting that aside and still finding value and enjoyment in works with characterizations that dont necessarily fit My Vision. theres always some new angle to look at things, which is a nice experience, and even if i decide that the fic im reading has nothing to offer me beyond distaste, at Least its managed to help me better Understand Myself and my thoughts and feelings on the character in question

except, somehow, that isn't how it works with six!!! i get So Upset in a way that is distinctly silly and unproductive whenever an interpretation feels inaccurate, ESPECIALLY when i feel like the author is… glossing her over? i guess? she's a weird, awkward kid who does Weird Things like snap mannequin/prosthetic fingers out of place for apparently no visible reason and warm herself in front of a furnace fire someones being roasted in. (and like. i personally feel like she acts weird that whole chapter in a way that to me implies discomfort/stress, either due to general fear or what could be a particular trauma-based response. all of this takes place literally immediately after getting kidnapped by the bullies and rescued by mono!!! but its still Weird, shes still a little weirdo, and it bothers me so much when people reduce her weirdness to, like… "gremlin energy" or whatever. idk.*)

she clearly has a rich internal life, and we literally only see what she gives us. and a lot of what ive made brief contact with tends to feel weirdly reductive of that. add on to the desire to, like… idk, make her more Appealing? i guess? her actions are reduced as well into something easier to sympathize with. which is not in itself A Bad Thing or even Actually Reductive, because most people are sympathetic because most people are just doing their best. i am a firm loud Six Defender for Life and i think all her decisions have reason (MAYBE not Active Reasoning on her part, but at Least reactive-type reason) behind them, reasons i understand and will shout from the rooftops in order to add to my defense of her; and taken in that light, with those reasons, its a very simple matter to find her sympathetic. but what i've seen seems to either paint her in a distinct… uhm.

okay, so the issue is a little more complex than i can (or should) try to get into this post/reply-that-im-using-as-an-excuse-to-ramble. really what's happening—what all this nonsense im spouting sums up to—is that i have my own extremely particular concept of who she is (a traumatized nine year old with symptoms that arent pretty and look weird, all in my own particular flavor of understanding), and im not actually making room for other interpretations. i am so set into my personal nuance of her, nuance that literally no one can Perfectly Replicate because its nuance born of my own interpretation (an interpretation which is not The Only Right One, no matter what my brain insists), and then im getting Upset when the things i read dont hit all the beats i expect.

so ACTUALLY what im saying is that i keep throwing hissy fits (internal) over Perceived Slights against her character. my annoyance is unfair and in some cases obviously misplaced: most interpretations have value, even if i cant see it. people who write her as a gremlin-y kid have merit, and people who treat her like she's older (as in, knowing she's nine but writing her with the internal life of an older child) and should—but refuses to—have a stronger moral compass are Obviously acknowledging the themes of the story itself and channeling that thru her, even if it feels ultimately unkind to her. all these angles—and even the angles that outright change her decision to drop mono (which i really cannot jive with At All)—have merit and value but i'm over here holding a big sign that reads BUT IS IT WHAT I WANT???? as if thats the Only thing that matters. its NOT, but im acting as if it is

so ACTUALLY what im REALLY saying is i cant read little nightmares fanfiction because im being a huge nerd doofus about six. thank u for listening and im so sorry to subject u to this rant

—

*not to say she DOESNT have gremlin energy, its just that when people define her personality around that single aspect of herself it just feels frustrating and demeaning of her character and the story as a whole

worst thing on the planet is i cant actually read little nightmares fic because in my mostly isolated fixation space ive reached my own sort of conclusions and headcanons that im so invested in and firm about that anything i try to read has me going "but do you understand the layers of nuance to six" like cups my cheeks. "its fanfiction not an essay and the authors opinions are secondary to the actual contents and messages of their works" i tell myself, but my brain screams BUT ARE THEY NORMAL ABOUT SIX because i see so many people rewriting her actions or behaviors into something more palatable despite her character being the most goddamn compelling thing ive seen in MONTHS. so i try to read a fic and someone says something a LITTLE sideways of my thoughts on her and i just leave. like hi robin. how bout YOU be normal abt six

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[hollowedwing]

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part. 

Word count: ~1,800

_________________________________

You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

________________________________________

Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly. 

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought. 

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters. 

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door. 

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events. 

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on. 

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess. 

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

[eustochium]

i have so many things to say about reality television for so many reasons. but for me it has legitimately come to function as a tool of survival. like when i was still in college and struggling with severe grief/stress of caring for ill and dying loved ones and also psychologically contending with branching out as a would-be academic and therefore engaging with the nightmarish political spectacle of the world around me i basically decided i was going to write The Great American Work on reality television as a medium and like society of spectacle and simulacrum etc etc whatever. this was also like the High Trump Ages and mid-COVID and at the height of the summer BLM protests and bingeing Real Housewives or The Surreal Life or 90 Day Fiancé was both an escape as well as a very simple digestible presentation of like all of foundational american mythology. also i felt so empty and grief stricken and disillusioned by everything but i was like I can’t kill myself yet because i still have Things To Say about reality tv as the quintessential american medium and it will Be Important. anyway that fell by the wayside eventually and is still decaying in my google drive lol. but like As Someone Who™ has never quite grasped human interaction or social dynamics or just like. how to function as a human being, i always just reveled in the weird schrodinger’s reality of these shows. every interaction is simultaneously real and un-real, where everything is staged but with the express intent of simulating and presenting the image of real-life human situations. like everyone is acting and performing but the performance is intended to be of their own lives. like the entire principle resonates v heavily in my brain with how i’ve felt every time i engage with others or try to navigate a social situation. (i think to an extent this mirrors like broader shared cultural and social developments of the past like half century with how we view and dictate our own senses of “self” vs “other” but i don’t wanna dwell on that rn, im the protagonist of this specific post lol)

also like i just find it fascinating the way that narratives and spectacles are manufactured and played out on reality shows. like those scenes where editors will layer dramatic sound effects and intense close-up reaction shots to give gravitas to what will otherwise be an extremely banal interaction. or when a cast member clearly has a “storyline” revolving around their conflict with another cast member so they’ll respond to an otherwise innocuous gesture or remark by having some big public episode about it. i remember once seeing a post where someone said they loved how Real Housewives cast members will always invoke the most random arbitrary rules during fights like “don’t you DARE make negative implications about my husband’s business!” and like all of these things are true and entertaining, but also that is exactly what real life is like when u are raised in a profoundly deranged and chaotic family household. like every interaction is so fraught with potential subtext and volatility that everything becomes simultaneously real and false, you only learn to perform “yourself” rather than actually being yourself, you’re playing by random rules that others make up on the fly, and u learn to anticipate strife and theatrics at every corner. anyway i’ve recently come to understand that the best and most effective way to navigate these dynamics is literally to enjoy the spectacle with the same detachment that i enjoy the chaos of Real Housewives drama. i’m on the scary island episode, just sipping my mojito and watching Kelly Bensimmon slip into full psychosis on a resort patio. “stop being mean to her, she’s clearly got problems.” you can make it stop hurting. you can stop playing a part. you can learn to stop worrying and love the show.

[furiosity-wills-the-cat]

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

[kaissauce]

okay, phucker, do it

ok let's do this @rolli-zolli @ninikins

Horrortale: technically an alternate timeline instead of au. after a neutral run where undyne's queen the core malfunctions and food becomes scarce and people resort to eating humans because sans suggested it. Aliza is the protag. latest thing that happened in the ongoing comic was Aliza agreeing to go with Papyrus to solve his last puzzle. as for the appearance of sans he has a HUGE hole on his head and a red eye. he got the hole from undyne when she got his magic eye which was going to be used to power the core. sans didnt die tho and killed the guards holding him down and just took whatever eye was on the ground and used it as a replacement for his magic eye that's powering the core. i quote first words he said after putting the eye in his socket "who the fuck took my phone?". then the magic eye went apeshit and broke the core again. oh and also he made alphys braindead by quite literally scrambling her brain. yeah this au is rough sans hasn't really eaten anything since the core was destroyed since he decided not to eat any humans.

Dusttale: i think this was originally a korean au? basic rundown: too many genocide runs sans goes apeshit and tries to get his Lv up by killing monsters himself man went fuckin insane kills his brother blah blah blah edgy angsty au the ghost of papyrus haunts him n stuff. sans literally just looks the same except he has his hood on and sometimes artists draw him with papyrus's scarf. the cool artists draw him with his hood on and has the hood completely cover his face so u can only see his glowing pupils. although people call him dust sans he's actually named murder sans

Killer: so frickin similar to dusttale except sans goes apeshit because of the human being like "join me lmao". three different outcomes come from this. i think it was 1 sans joins human 2 sans joins human kills human later on 3 kills human or something. friends with color sans who is basically his impulse control. pretty sure his soul's fucked up and Color sans tries to make his soul un-fucked but Nightmare comes in and fucks up the progress. he has white shorts, his eye sockets are constantly pitch black and leaking tar or something also has a weird target thingy on his chest. OH YEAH ALSO HE HAS BEEF WITH UNDERSWAP SANS ALMOST FORGOT. basically swap sans tried to make killer good and then they had a fight, swap sans lost and was on the verge of dying thankfully swap papyrus was able to save him in time i think

Dreamtale: Dream isn't in the drawing but his brother, Nightmare is. Sooo he used to not look all goooy and have tentacles n stuff but then he ate a couple hundred apples and yeah. he's six years old apparently. Nightmare and Dream are supposed to be guardians of a tree that has 500 golden apples and 500 black n goopy apples. the golden aples are positive and the goop ones are negative. you're not supposed to eat either of them cus bad shit happens. Dream and Nightmare live in a village and for whatever reason they're all dicks to Nightmare because ooughh he's the guardian of negativity that's not baller. he also goes apeshit (do u see a pattern here) and eats a goopy apple n then becomes the goop man he is today. he fuckin eats 999 apples jesus christ. and the last one is eaten by Dream because if u eat all 1000 apples u become unstoppable and immortal. so that would be a bad thing if nightmare got the last one. wop wop wop these dude aren't sanses they only have the body of one if that makes sanse.

Error: manlet. he's literally an error and that's why he's like that. also he's technically not a sans now, the redesign for him was so that he could be in the creator's webcomic named Lucidia. Error sans, aka the destroyer of aus, finds aus to be mistakes so he tries to get rid of them. his process of doing this is simple: get the human soul to the void so that they can't reset, destroy the au. he primarily attacks using his strings which can wrap around one's soul and control them. he like some aus like outertale because of how open and empty it is. he likes to be alone and has haphephobia. if u touch him he'll glitch out and possibly crash. he crashes whenever gets overwhelmed. said crashing causes him to shut down and reboot and he's powerless while doing so. he's actually pretty easy to beat if you know how to push his buttons the right way. in the og ask error blog made by his creator Loverofpiggies he kidnaps Swap sans who tries to help Error become a better person. this ends horribly as error leaves Swap sans in the void who then becomes an error aswell due to being alone in the void too long. Error actually regrets doing that to swap sans

Aftertale: OK FUN FACT THE SANS OF THIS AU, WHO'S NICKNAMED "Geno" IS ERROR. aftertale is a comic made by LoverofPiggies it's been SOOOO long since i last read it so i cant really give a good summary. but anyways Geno is trapped in the loading screen with the human and will die if he leaves the loading screen. eventually from being in the loading screen for too long after the events of aftertale he becomes Error.

OOF WOWIE THERE'S SO MUCH TO GO

Underfresh: he's not even a sans either. "Fresh" is a parasite inhabiting a skeleton. his birthday is on 4/20 which is ironic cus he doesn't like drugs. he censors swears. he speaks 90's lingo and dresses like a neon sign. for some reason he has eyebrows and a gold tooth. the glasses he has can change text but normally defaults to "YOLO". he can't feel anything since he has no soul of his own and just latches onto the host's. instead he learns how to act from the people around him. not being able to feel actually bothers him a LOT

Echotale: Aka Gaster sans. uhhh this one was also a comic if i remember correctly. basically Frisk and G!Sans are the only ones in the au and they're trying to find the core to fix the fucked up timeline that they're in but the core keeps changing positions so that sucks.

Swapfell: originally made by Khhoppang who left social media. Started out as an Alphys x Undyne au so only those two were designed but Kh was planning to design more of the characters. before they could people had a field day with the idea of mashing two aus together and SO many people came up with their own designs for sans and papyrus. Khhoppang left social media because they got overwhelmed with all the art reposters and stuff, pretty sad. the appearance of the sans in that au is the purple one with a scythe (i dont think he has a scythe in the og design).

Swapfell Red: so basically this is the swapfell made by people that isn't Khhoppang. community made per se. Sans's appearance changes constantly because as said before many people made many different designs. typically he just looks like Swap sans but with red high heel boots and his color scheme fits underfell

Fellswap (gold): Au made by blackggggum. so swapfell is underswap turned fell, fell swap is underfell swapped it takes a bit to understand that. his appearance is somewhat similar to Swapfell red. He's kind to his friends but if ur his enemy he'll fucking deck you. he's blind in his left eye, the leader of the royal guard, and secretly into dressmaking. fun fact in this au Papyrus has autism

Xtale: uuuuhhhh so Cross is a complicated one. he's part of the royal guard along with papyrus. has beef with xgaster. responsible for the downfall of his au and then Underverse happens and Ink is all "oh cool someone to mess with" and they became friends for a bit then shit hit the fan

Underfell: OOOOO YES UNIRONICALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITES. So Underfell sans is actually a very powerful mf and constantly has his magic eye activated because he has so much magic. This au is also technically an alternate timeline where monsters "lost their humanity" as the creator put it. so basically trust in the underground is scarce. Sans and papyrus, contrary to many interpretations i fucking hate, are actually on good terms (and no sans doesn't call papyrus "boss" the creator said if he does he'd do it ironically and papyrus would hate it). Fun facts he pays Grillby in socks (grillby accepts the socks as payment and wears them), if u make grillby laugh he gives u a jacket that looks like his and it's heavily implied that sans made him laugh because their jackets are similar

Underswap: ah yes another classic that i love as well. originally made by PopcornPr1nce who fled social media because they hated how the majority fandom treated Underswap (Blueberry and Carrot were popular names for the fanon swap papyrus and sans). Swap sans is constantly infantilized by the community which sucks and i hate it so i draw my own very super cool version of him whom i kin because i am also very super cool.

Outertale: mainly an aesthetic au pretty sure there's no comic of it. basically, instead of underground they in space. outer sans dies in underverse after like minutes of screentime lmao

Epictale: a comic made by Yugogeer. the og comic was retconned and the creator loathes the original version and made a reboot that's much better. Sans actually dies very early in it because Yugo hates how Sans is almost always focused on in aus. also the creator hates how meme-y their sans has become (like him saying bruh every single sentence, using a rubber chicken as a weapon, cookies, etc.) he's friends with Cross but not in canon. He has a purple magic eye that makes him immortal and i think only epic gaster could remove it which is how sans was able to be killed when he fought gaster.

Temmietale: it's undertale but everyone is temmie, don't question it

Trainertale: it's undertale but it's Pokemon, don't question it

Dancetale: it's undertale but you dance instead of fight, don't

Mobtale/Mafiatale: im unsure if mobtale and mafiatale are separate or not but they are very similar. basically undertale but mafia it's self explanatory

Undertale: no clue which au is this one, nope not at all/j

Bittytale or whatever idk: so take sans, make him small. boom. never understood this au

THAT BASTARD INK: HOOO BOY SAVED THE WORST FOR LAST. FUCK THIS GUY/j. THIS DUDE. IS THE REASON IM STILL INTO UNDERTALE AUS. I LOVE EM SO MUCH. also technically not a sans. He comes from an unfinished au and ripped his own soul to escape said au and became an outcode. for so long he was just a soulless husk until someone drew him and he got splashed with paint which let him feel. soon he learned to keep the paint in vials so that he can be able to feel 24/7. And then he learned how to create things with a paintbrush and the paint and spent time alone drawing up his own world until a portal appeared and took him to the multiverse. now he encourages artists to keep creating aus. he's the protector of aus in the sense that he keeps other outcodes from disrupting the script of the au, so if it's pacifist and an outcode tries to kill people he'd stop them, if it's genocide and an outcode tried to help them he'd stop them. no matter what he wants the au to stay on script. fun fact the creator of ink and the creator of error never had them interact with each other in canon, that was all the fandom's doing. Contrary to popular belief he's not really considered "good" his alignment is officially "Chaotic neutral". I personally interpret him a lot more chaotic than in canon because it's fun but he's a pretty chill guy actually. he can just be a bit of an ass sometimes. According to the creator of Ink (who is Comyet) his interpretation in Underverse is not canon compliant. one of the biggest canon things that underverse contradicts is Ink deliberately not taking his vials. if he were to do that in canon he'd become a husk again which is the equivalent of him "dying". he was described as a walking corpse by Comyet, without the vials he can't function anymore. Like Error he's pretty easy to beat if you know his weaknesses. also he has fears of empty spaces and being alone

off topic kinda but i very much love how Error and Ink are opposites yet parallel even though they were completely written without the other in mind. Error believes getting rid of aus is getting rid of anomalies. Ink believes people interfering with aus are anomalies. Error loves emptiness, Ink hates emptiness. list goes on it's funky fresh.

also uhhh sanses missing from that drawing that i can name from the top of my head

Seraphim sans, Insans, Dusttrust, He who shall not be named because he's from an 18+ au, Swapswap (yes. that exists), Storyshift, Inverted Fate (very good au i suggest checking it out), Negatale, Oceantale, Template, Pale, Mafiafell, Farmtale

my phone is at 9% y'all are spared from me going on