#but it is sprinkled in there. as it is in my experience with my career

[sexlapis]

# SALT AND PEPPER (but mostly salt)

ᝰ.ᐟ nanami x gn!reader

mini fic, fluff, suggestive, aging, reader and nanami are married, reader is a silver fox!

⤷ nanami was prepared for a lot of things when it came to getting older. what he wasn’t prepared for, was how hot his spouse would get…

a/n: thinking about how much i love grey/white/silver hair on a woman or man……..sorry….

masterlists

*

with growing up, getting old and becoming more seasoned, there came many life changes.

health scares, career adjustments, new found gratitude for the most simplest of things and for some reason, a sudden influx of more bills when you get a raise…and you are always due for an eye appointment.

but one thing that has changed is…you.

more specifically, how sexier you’ve become.

now, don’t nanami wrong, he has always found you sexy, beautiful, cute, attractive, pretty, all of the words underneath the sun.

a few years earlier is when he realised it.

the new, grey hairs peaking at your temples.

they were thin and hardly noticeable to an outsider. but nanami noticed everything about you.

he mentioned it one morning.

“do you know your greys are coming in?”

“ugh, i know.” you touch you temples, feeling where they are, like grey hairs felt different somehow. “you can’t really see them now, but i’ll have to dye them in, like, four years or something.”

“…or you could just…let them grow out…?”

you snort. “yeah, right. why don’t i bleach my eyebrows next?”

you leave it at that, and so does nanami and the discussion of your hair is put to an end.

until a few years later.

as of now, the hair of your head is a light grey colour, with slivers of silver and white that beamed, especially highlighted when you are underneath the sun.

your face has changed too.

crows feet now wrinkled the corners of your eyes, smile lines framed your lips, the dips of your jowls now replaced your streamlined jaw and darker, freckled spots were sprinkled over your cheeks and nose.

and, my gosh, did it drive nanami crazy.

the way the experience of life now appeared on your face, you body, your hands and your hair made him more attracted to you. more than he even thought he could be.

and that says a lot.

“your hair.” he starts. you both sit at the breakfast table, a newspaper in nanami’s hand and a cup in yours. “your hair is nice.”

“really?” you ask, surprised and slightly incredulous. you reach your hand up and ruffle your hair. “you know, i was thinking of dyeing it back-“”

“don’t dye it…please. never dye it.”

“oh? nanami…” you smirk at him. “do you think i’m a … fox?”

“you’re the sexiest fox i’ve ever seen, sweetheart.”

“it sounds kinda weird when you say it like that, but i’ll take it!”

nanami chuckles and shakes his head. he stares at you for a moment before speaking. “come here.” he pats his lap.

you place your cup down, strolling to where he sits and plopping yourself onto his lap.

his hands wrap around your hips and yours his neck.

“you’re growing up so wonderfully, baby.” he kisses your jaw. “being old suits you.”

you giggle. “you too, kenny.”

you don’t think he believes you based on the shake of his head, but you know that you’re correct and that’s all that matters.

after a few minutes of peaceful silence, you decide to break it.

“…so,” you sigh, resting you cheek on nanami’s shoulder, “you know how you like my new sexy silver fox hair?”

“yes?” nanami responds, grinning.

“how about we grow you a beard, nanami kento?”

“…”

a/n: short n sweet <3

[fuckthemforthis]

And what if... Ne Bi Smel isn't about the kind of cheating we think? What if it's actually about "cheating" the band and especially Kris?

We know the second album consists of more authentic Bojan's experiences, but we also know he once emphasised he never cheated. Yet the song feels highly personal, so...

Rad bi vedel kaj lahko nardim

Da mikro kozmos tvoj nazaj dobim

(I would love to know what I can do

to get your microcosm back)

-> We've noticed, especially lately, Bojan singing these words to Kris directly. We also know it was their creative differences behind pausing the band, and that the band "wasn't really cohesive and harmonious" before the pause. Hence the wondering how to get their little universe back. Both the band's, and Kris'.

Ni besed pravilnih, celo noč sem jih iskal

Razen, da iskreno rečem da neskončno mi je žal

(There are no right words, I've searched for them all night

Besides honestly saying that I'm infinitely sorry)

-> When talking about it, he looks serious and melancholic. And I can imagine him tapping his pen all night when realisation hit him, just to write this, because really, what else can he say? Even with this song, he can't find a way to take away the pain he feels he caused. And he still looks at Kris while singing this part, because again, it was their creative differences and he's possibly putting most blame on himself. Even though it's behind them now and they're stronger for it, it's probably one of the hardest experiences they shared and that bond makes him look at Krisko with all the love.

Čez resnico sem potresu svoj pepel

Večno kriv, nikoli cel

(I sprinkled my ashes over the truth

Eternally guilty, never whole)

-> He repented privately and publicly, maybe even through this song. Without getting back his band and the full depth of the relationship he shared with Kris and the rest, he could never feel whole. Like he said, he realised loneliness and solo career weren't satisfactory for him and repentantly came back.

Vem da ne bi smel, a drugače nisem znal

Ugasniti tišine, bežati od bližine

(I know I shouldn't, but I knew no better way

To turn off the silences, run away from closeness)

-> Even while writing "solo artist appropriate songs", he knew he shouldn't have been doing that. But instead of music, the band's unsynchronization provided silences that haunted him. He needed to turn them off, and rather than working on getting back their mojo and closeness, he chose the seemingly easy way out and ran away from trying.

Rane puščam si odprte, da jih objame sol

Če ne vrneš se domov

(I'm leaving my wounds open for salt to cover them

If you don't come back home)

-> He chose to not only accept - but invite the pain if he doesn't get his band back. The safety of their bond and mutual understanding prior to these mistakes felt like home. His weird ass dynamic with Kris felt like home. And if he somehow couldn't get him to fall back into what they shared, get him to forgive and come home, Bojan wasn't going to try to heal, because he believed he would deserve to suffer.

Izdal te za trenutek lažne sreče

Zdaj pa spet me k tebi vleče

(I betrayed you for a moment of false happiness

But now I'm drawn to you again)

-> He betrayed the band, and most of all Kris for what he though would be his big break and make him happy, but he realised quickly enough it was the opposite - very superficial and not doing it for him. And that is when he was drawn back to where he belonged. Kris playing Gola for him only helped cement it. Their creative differences may have helped put the band on pause, but it was probably only them that also could've - and have - resumed it.

So yeah. This is my headcanon now. Anyway...

[wisteria-tarot]

can you do a relationship reading to see if jay from enhypen ever been in a relationship before? Pls

or how he would be like in a relationship because he has stated before he doesn’t have experience or hasn’t dated which I find hard to believe because he’s so attractive

Disclaimer: This reading is only for entertainment. Take it with a grain of salt. These are my personal interpretations of the cards with a sprinkle of intuition.

Has he ever been in a relationship before?

ace of pentacles, 3 of wands (rx), 8 of swords, the high priestess:

I would say that he was telling the truth he seems to have been very focused on his career a little too much, it seems that it's cut out any space for romantic relationships. Because he doesn't have much experience dating he might be a bit scared to date as well I see some anxiety here, the best advice I can give he needs to trust himself and go with his gut feeling when it comes to choosing people to date.

What would he be like in a relationship?

the high priestess, 8 of swords, ace of swords, 2 of cups:

He can become very blinded in love, make a lot of excuses for the other person, and look past bad habits and traits. In any other circumstance, he is very sharp-minded but in love, he puts on the biggest pair of rose colored glasses that he can find.

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Blood Washed Away

Summary: Javier Peña x Fe!Reader -> You first met Peña when you transferred to Columbia with Messina. You made friends with Agent Javier Peña but what happens when you join his team and he discovers he almost loses you?

Disclaimer: Angst, descriptions of blood, bruises, fire (although not too deep). Sprinkling of fluff, mostly takes place in season 2 and season 3. Does not have too much with the main plots of Narcos other than mentions of the Cali cartel and Escobar. No particular time line. A made up case (Robbins). Angst background. Co-workers to friends to potentially more. {If any of this is triggering to you, please do not read on - this is your warning}

You first met Peña when you transferred with Messina. You had been her secretary at the time although you did have experience in the field. That was what was most shocking to Peña and Murphy at the time. This woman, who walked past them every day, stamping files and organising meetings whilst the hem of her skirt breezed around her knees and her heels clicked against the cold floor, had been one of the best agents in the FBI. 

You had started out at a small precinct before moving into Major Crimes. From there, you climbed the career pole. There weren't many people like yourself; a woman. But you proved yourself. Your bosses, although male, saw your potential and saw you more than just an object of desire. Their bosses, however, didn’t. But after they watched you take down three of their ‘best’ men, they thought it over again. 

You had found yourself as Messina’s secretary a year and half before the transfer to Columbia. And after spending the next year or more in Columbia, you were itching to get back in. 

You were a good cop. And, for what it was worth, you liked your job. You didn’t know how much longer you could take staring at files and seeing people rush around you, ignoring some of the other cases. 

So, on Peña’s first day hunting the Cali cartel, he was more than surprised to find you already at your desk and not in your usual blouse, skirt and heels combo. Rather, you were dressed in boots, dark jeans and a shirt. 

Somehow, it was the same words, just different font. 

Peña called your name as he saw you, a stack of files in your hands, open. 

“Why aren’t you with Messina?”

“New job. Figured you could use a friendly face.” You smiled, closing the files in your hand before handing them over. “Couple calls came over the radio this morning.”

This was when Peña spotted the licenced gun attached to your hip. 

He’d never seen you with one, let alone touch you. 

“You’re an Agent?”

“Don’t sound so shocked.”

“No, no. Just…surprised. When did you…” 

Peña didn’t know what to ask first. Get training? Get a gun? Join the DEA? Quit being a secretary? 

You smiled softly. “I was a Fed before I quit and became a secretary. But, I wanted back in. The board allowed it and here I am.”

“To babysit me?”

“No, well…not intentionally.”

The next few months were tough but having you by his side, knowing that there was someone to turn to when he didn’t exactly know which call to make…made it easier. 

You had become friendly back in Bogotá. Of course, he tried flirting at first but that was quickly shut down when you told him all he needed to do was ask. 

Of course, some things couldn’t be pulled without Messina’s approval but since everyone had been desperate for the capture of Escobar that it was truly only highly classified information that couldn’t be accessed. 

Over the course of your stay in Columbia, under Peña’s ruling, you had both grown closer. You trusted each other and, eventually, one night as you both sat in his office having a drink, he felt comfortable enough to ask you why you had left the FBI. 

“You haven’t looked at my file?”

Peña shook his head as he took another drink. “Didn’t seem fair.”

“You're my boss.” You pointed out.

“Technically.”

You sighed, looking at your honey-coloured liquor. 

“Messina mentioned something about Seattle. You'd be transferred.”

You nodded. “I wanted out. I’d been leading a case and it had been going on for months. It felt like every time we got close, we were further than when we’d started.”

Peña knew a thing or two about that. 

“Anyway, we tracked the guy to Seattle. He’d been going from state to state until finally he came right under our noses. Anyway…”

The memories came back to you for a moment, but Peña waited for you to continue. 

“Anyway, it turned out it had been an inside job. What we thought was just five bodies, turns out - it was closer to 25.”

Peña thought about it for a moment after the initial shock. The case sounded familiar to him. 

Then it hit him. 

“Robbins.” 

You nodded. 

The case had been all over the news. How bodies were covered up by a Fed. How the murderer, Robbins, had gotten away with it for so long because he was the ME on the job. 

“But the officer-“ Peña paused. 

It had just been a rumour in the media but nothing was ever confirmed. Most of the public had taken it as the truth.

“I needed out of the game for a while,” you told him. “And the agency needed to make sure there was no one else in the office working on the case.” 

“So how did you end up with Messina?”

“Friend of a friend.” You told him. “She was looking for a secretary and I had taken a couple classes back in college. Plus, I came ready trained. I got the job and didn’t look back.”

“But now you’re back in.”

You nodded. “But now I’m back in.” You raised your glass in the air and Peña followed suit. “To the game, may we beat these bastards before they beat us.”

“Ditto.”

Both you and Peña downed the rest of your drinks and eventually, you both went home. It had been a long week and you both needed a break. 

A few months passed by before shit took a turn. 

Of course, there were plenty of dangers that came with the job. The main one was putting your life on the line and in the clear to be shot. Or worse. 

But maybe that was just the job. Risk your life for others so others don’t have to. So this game can be over before the bastards get you. 

You had been with a witness. They’d been one of the people who could get you to the Cali men. But- 

Sat in his office, Peña kept his eyes trained on the case files in front of him. Was the pile actually growing bigger? 

He took a final drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out. He shuffled some of the remaining papers as he stood before walking over to his file cabinets in his office. 

For a moment, he thought he heard his name called but everyone had already gone home to their families or their beds. 

But when the voice sounded closer, although still as quiet, he looked over his left shoulder and did a double take. Or maybe his eyes were registering to the sight of red. 

You were covered in red. He couldn’t tell whether it was yours or somebody else’s. Dirt was under your nails and you had gravel scars across your palms. There was a small hole in the knee of your jeans. Where you had empty spots of blood, ash covered them. 

Your name escaped his lips before his mind could even register it was you. 

You raised your hand a little bit then you saw the blood and the dirt and the scars. A whimper escaped your lips before you looked at Peña. 

“I- I went to a farm when I was a kid and- and I saw them slaughter a- a pig. There- there was s-s-s so much,” you swallowed thickly, “blood. B-but I-I-I didn’t - others were scared but I-I - it was natural. A girl- I forget her name but she-she fainted. They-they went down like bricks. There-there was just - blood. I didn’t- I didn’t expect- and I’ve seen people-“

Peña’s hands gripped your face, causing you to look at him. Your voice was unsteady, your whole body was shaking either from panic, adrenaline or fear. Maybe all of the above. 

Whilst you had been talking, Peña had been checking you over. Some of the blood was yours but you were alive. Alive and terrified. Alive, terrified and shaking. He needed to calm you down.

“Hey!” you went silent as you registered him in front of you. “Hey, look at me. What happened?”

“They knew where we were. They- I should have seen them.”

That was when another agent, less covered in blood, but still the similar look of fear on his face, ran inside. 

“Stay here.”

“N-No. Don’t leave.”

Peña looked at you, his eyes, as much as he tried to hide it, held nothing but sadness and sorrow. He’d seen you deal with all the assholes and he’d heard stories. You were always brave. You were always the one there for him. The one who would come in when he had spent too much time letting the job get to him, physically pull the papers away from him, pick him from his chair and push him out of his office. 

“Just because you’re doing stuff by the book this time does not equal burning yourself out. Come on, we’re getting drinks. Or food. Whichever one is open.” You would tell him. You’d grab his jacket from the hanger and lock his office behind him. You talk the case over with him. And, even if it was half way through the meal and 2 in the morning, you’d go with him when he solved something. 

“Alright, let’s go,” you’d reply. 

But seeing you like this…his heart broke. 

“I’ll be there. I’m not leaving you.”

You nodded, seeing where he was pointing and let go of his arm. Slowly, he walked over to the other agent, however his eyes still went back to you as he did so and as he continued to talk to the agent in front of him. 

“The medics, they wanted to keep her there but she didn’t want to stay. She needs a hospital but she wanted to find you first. She told me to wait but the medics-”

“Okay, just…leave the bag. I’ll make sure she’s okay.”

The agent nodded, dropping the bag by the table. “Do you know what happened?”

“Not yet, Sir.”

“Well, find out. I want to know everything. Do you know who’s making the calls to family?”

He mentioned a couple other agents but some of the members who were left, Peña said he’d cover them. 

“We’re still trying to find addresses and numbers but once I’ve got them, I’ll drop them by your desk.”

“Right, okay.”

After that, the agent left. Peña picked up the medical bag before walking back to his office. You stood in the same spot, examining your hands. It was like it was still happening. You were seeing the car behind you tailing, then the lights and the sound before the car tipped. You were pulling yourself out before helping your informant. The driver was already gone. Your head was spinning. You helped them stand and then- blood splatter. Bullets. Your witness was dead. There was fire everywhere, bullets flying back and forth. You emptied your canister but you couldn’t remember why, just yet. 

“Hey, look at me.”

You looked at Peña. 

With gentle movements, he helped you sit down before he pulled out a chair for himself and opened up the bag. You were mostly silent as he cleaned at your open wounds. You’d need a hospital to examine your head and make sure you don’t have a concussion, though both of you knew you probably did. And whiplash. 

The cuts didn’t seem too deep but he cleaned them out as best as he could. Over the slightly deeper one’s he placed a gause and some tape. He couldn’t get all the blood off you. You’d need a shower. 

“Let me take you home.”

You gave no protest. Just, taking his hand in yours, he helped you stand. 

After leaving the office, you don’t remember much of the ride. The smell of burning tires still hadn’t left your nostrils and you were fearful it never would. It was as if you could still feel the heat on your face from the fire. 

Javier helped you into your apartment, locking the door behind you. And he helped you throughout the night. 

You trusted him as he did so. 

His hands were gentle as he helped you undress from the blood soaked clothing. It had left its stains against your skin. By the time Javier helped you into the shower, he watched as the stains fell into the shower drain, but there was still some reddening around your body. 

Bruises. 

Gently, he pushed your head under the water, letting the water run through your hair, the ash from the smoke now following the blood. 

He looked around for a moment before catching your eyes. It was silent communication. You had already silently said it was okay for him to help you undress and get into the shower, and now you were saying yes for him to help you some more. 

It was a little awkward at first. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt you. So, with care, he massaged shampoo through your hair, being sure to not let it drip onto your face though you didn’t care. In that moment, you were numb. Numb from the blood and from the explosion. Maybe a little pain is what you needed to remind yourself that you were alive and human. 

You scrubbed yourself down as best as you could, the bruising still tender across all of your body. 

Stepping away from the shower, Peña pulled the soft and warm towel from the radiator before holding it out. You stepped out of your shower and allowed him to wrap it around you. 

He didn’t care that your hair was still wet, although thankfully now clean. He didn’t care if his shirt was wet or his arms still had bubbles from the shampoo that had splashed across him. All he cared about in that moment was you. 

You were safe. In his arms, you were alive and you were safe. 

He held you close to him. Your face lay against his chest and his arms came around you to just hold you. He placed three kisses on top of your head, one to your temple, one a little higher and the final on top of your head. His hand held the back of your head whilst the other went straight across your back. He pressed you a little closer. 

Resting his chin on top of your head, he closed his eyes for a moment, letting the moment soak in. He could have lost you tonight. He could have never seen you again and never have been able to hold you as he was in that moment. 

Neither of you knew how much time had passed before he helped you squeeze the last drops of water from your hair and left you in your room to change into your clean clothes. But, some of it felt too long. Like when he wasn’t with you. 

But, by the time you stepped out of your room, your bare feet padding across the floor and into your kitchen, you found him standing there. He was wearing a fresh pair of clothes. You knew he kept a spare set in his car.

“Here,” Javier pulled out a chair from your kitchen-side island, “sit down.”

You nodded, thanking him quietly. “Are you cooking?”

He looked from the pan, to you and back again. “Oh, yeah.”

“Didn’t know you could cook.”

“Well, don’t say that yet. This might be bad.”

He was making frittata from what you could see. It didn’t look too bad. 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to get out. You’d been thanking him the whole night, in your head at least. But…saying it out loud opened the gates to you talking about what happened. But it was inevitable. “for helping me. I- I don’t know-”

Javier shook his head. “Don’t thank me. I might…I might be your boss but I’m also your friend. I was your friend before I was your boss.”

You nodded. 

“You should drink something, before you dehydrate.”

You nodded and before you could move, he already placed a glass of cold water in front of you. You thanked him again.

“Plates?”

“Top cupboard, to your left.”

Javier looked up before opening the cupboard to find a stack of plates, bowls and pasta dishes. He pulled two plates out before halving the dish and sliding the pieces from the pan and onto the plates. 

After that, he placed a plate in front of you before handing you a fork. 

“Don’t judge me too harshly.”

You took the fork from him with contemplation. But, as you took a bite, you looked back at him. 

“You can cook.”

Javi smiled back at you when your mouth curved a little before you went back to eating. Minutes passed by and neither of you said a word. You could both hear the noises of the outside streets from the window. Some people were still awake, others were in bed asleep. 

But, as the more time passed, the more you felt the adrenaline die down. You also found yourself talking about it all to Peña   before you’d go to sleep and forget some aspect. 

“It can wait until tomorrow-”

“No, I- I want to tell you before-” before you dreamt of it when you fell asleep? Before you woke up and it turned out you never made it to the office? Before you realized none of it was real and you hadn’t made it out of the car in the first place? 

So, you told him everything you could remember. You’d checked all the mirrors, every 15 seconds. You looked around the buildings every 40. There had been no one. 

Until there were multiple. 

“It’s not your fault,” Javier told you. “You did your job.”

“But I should have- I should have known.”

“They got us this time, but we’ll get them. Sooner or later, we’ll get them.”

Not too long after that, Javier helped you towards your bedroom once more before making sure you were in bed. Except, before he could leave, you grabbed his hand. 

He stayed with you that night, laying beside you. He watched your hand squeeze his back as he took your hand back in his. He tailed his eyes from your hand, up your body to where you were breathing, to your neck. Though he couldn’t see the pulse, he wanted to make sure it was still there, and finally to your sleeping face. You looked so calm. So at peace. 

It was going to be tough, he knew that. But, he couldn’t think of anything else other than you in that moment. How, the difference between the shooter's bullet would be the difference between him lying by your side, watching you breath in your sleep and watching your body be rolled away by the coroner to be examined. He doesn’t do funerals, but yours - in Columbia - would be the exception. 

But he didn’t want to think of that. He couldn’t think of that. 

All that mattered was that you were alive, and you were safe and you were with him, beside him. 

One way or another, he’d get the bastards and he’d be sure to get them before they got him and definitely before they got you. 

[peachtalia]

I wrote a whole infodump on Herakles headcanons on a priv acc (yk for human version since I prefer to view the guys that way) so I’ll paste it all here cuz fun. It’s gonna be super disorganized and may not carry All of my ideas cuz it’s just me writing whatever came to mind in the moment but I’ll try to organize it the best I can from what I wrote. Also plz take into consideration that I’m not entirely following canon here and a load of it is headcanons with some of canon sprinkled in. Also this is a wip ig

I doubt anybody would read my word vomit cuz I didn’t bother to clean any of this up and my sentence structure is def abysmal as fuck but ig u could say I’m putting this here for my own sake but anyone else is free to read if u would like!!

cw talk of parental loss tho

Okay so I’m gonna ramble about names here cuz it interests me a lot. Obv I’m not Greek or in Greece I just have a deep interest in other cultures and like to research a lot and stalk forums and videos on experiences etc. My ideas may change over time as I learn more about the culture. He feels a bit more old-fashioned to me but anyways yeah nah if I happen to say anything innacurate plz lmk @ anyone who actually reads my word vomit haha

So anyways I def don’t see it as my place to bash on him being given the name "Herakles" cuz I Do know that in Greece they would seem to occasionally give Greek mythological names to ppl (ex: singer who's birth name is Artemios); but I noticed they most often use Christian names tho (also fun fact my irl name is the fem version of an old Greek saint and seems common there along with Hispanic countries that would often do the same lololol)

But at the same time I’d wanna assume that being named Herakles would kinda fuck u over since it would be a huge name to live up to. But that’s just me. Plus to me that adds to his overall life theme

Also I’ve mentioned this before but ppl for years would dunk on his surname claiming that it's "not a real Greek surname" when ... it actually IS, it's just super rare based on what I’ve collected. Admittedly ngly I’ve even been a part of this when I was a kid smh (See: Greek actress with the birth name Evgenia Karpouzi, the fandom would always use the spelling "Karpusi" but that's not language accurate to the more commonly taught Greek language romanization based on what I’ve learned.....

Anywho now onto headcanons and stories I like to apply to him lol

He seems the type whose mom is very huge in the historical arts and preservation field and might've been a Greek history professor and took a huge role in curating and preserving Ancient Greek ruins and artifacts...arranged heritage festivals and exhibitions etc.. Taught culture... Maybe pushed him to be very talented and knowledgeable as a kid and would actively pass down her own knowledge onto him and set pretty high standards for him while also spoiling tf out of him and also being caring yet not as present as a mother due to her career. He grew up very involved in the arts both creative-based and performance-wise but probably mostly the latter. He seems like the type who would be quiet and a bit of a loner at times but was also a lot more enthusiastic and expressive at times.

So anyways yeah not only does he suffer under the curse of living in the shadow of his mothers legacy and not meeting the public expectations in following in her footsteps but a lot of his life is basically formed around her and he wasn’t left with much room to actually form his own personal style due to how heavily influenced he was by her own interest and life path and her passing when he was idk 14 made it even harder for him to even try to let go of any of this cuz besides all of her leftover belongings and the collective community memory of her, it was all he had left of her from within himself so letting go of any of it to make more room for developing his own personal sense of style outside of her existence felt like betraying her or going against her wishes.

He feels deeply guilty for not taking on her legacy after her passing and following in her footsteps but he still does what he can to contribute here and there and still holds a load of pride in what he learns from her + what comes from his roots and besides hanging out with and feeding street cats he still has a lingering fascination and interest in philosophy and observing and maintaining historical sites not only cuz it’s great but also cuz it reminds him of her. It Would also make sense given how canonically he’s portrayed having a home that’s cluttered with his mom’s old things and artifacts that he never wants to get rid of since she passed while he was young.

As for his beef with Sadiq I see it as a ‘obnoxious goofy uncle and petty nephew’ sort of conflict lol. But I like to see it as like. Sadiq was a younger college student of his mom’s who would also do volunteer assistant work for her, so naturally he’d meet Herakles thru that. And with him being that type of guy would screw around with Herakles and poke fun at him yk like how those older guys would treat young kids sometimes and purposely provoke them in a joking yet annoying manner (I have lots of experience of this) and Sadiq himself never saw it as a big deal but yk Herakles Hated that shit and he’s the type to take that kind of stuff to heart. Also Herakles would envy the time he spends with his mom cuz here he is able to get involved with her work life and meanwhile Hera is being some kid at home who sometimes gets to go to his moms work sometimes.

And ooomfg when his mom passes u know damn well that envy turned into pure vitriol cuz Sadiq was able to spend more time around his mom before her sudden death. But Sadiq (still unaware of how deep this shit goes for Herakles) takes Herakles under his wing cuz he feels super bad to say the least.

Now Herakles has one of those large Greek families but he’s autistic* as shit so while he can be loud with them he’s also quiet and a bit of a loner at times so he’d be super reliant on his mother for initiating his interactions with others and she’d take a big part in involving him in family gatherings so u know damn well the second she was gone he didn’t know wtf to do anymore or how to connect with others on his own without her being an extra support lol yk like that one social person that helps interactions go smoother.

* yes I am aware that autism may present differently depending on culture but I’m autistic myself and am basing this on observations I’ve made thru autistic ppl I’ve known in different countries and who also have a similar familial dynamic culturally. Even tho I’m in the US I also have this experience myself with my Viet family members. No duh it’s not ‘just an autism thing’ but yk headcanons

Not to mention him being depressed as fuck over her passing and beginning to self isolate. And being so pitied by family members 24/7 SUCKED Ass so idk ig eventually (after many years and moments of Herakles mostly blowing people off) ppl began to avoid him and stopped inviting him to things like yk that sad thing that often happens whenever someone’s going thru a loss and ppl don’t know what to do about it. He’d ignore their invitations often for years. Of course they’d still try to call or send something or visit every now and then but only very occasionally. It’s like an ‘idk what to do’ sort of thing.

So yeah he’s an only child and was raised by a single mother with a busy and active life where he was always expected to become her shadow whether intended or not. Wow. But despite his family inching away from him, bro still has that younger Cypriot cousin who vibes with him and relates with his quietness and occasional loner behavior so he’d often hang around him cuz the rest of the family would overwhelm him sometimes, therefore even during this time he was the last to stick around for the most part and they’d often hang out in silence. He is a bit more chatty than Herakles tho at times. Idk his name yet. That one Cypriot cousin has a younger brother I think, who’d hang around Sadiq but Herakles’s a #hater and doesn’t really like him for that. He’s the type to threaten to cut ppl off from association and he gets petty and stubborn as hell and holds grudges like u cannot believe. Obviously despite his spite he does still care for Sadiq deep down. He says what he wants but he doesn’t actually wish the guy any real harm and would get super bothered and upset if anybody were to attempt to do so.

Oh yeah and I also mentioned before that I see him being narcoleptic lol *maybe* he occasionally dealt with cataplectic symptoms and it would make sense given how rarely he seems to express strong emotions but I still don’t know. I’m not as knowledgeable in cataplexy I admit. But he’s def on the narcolepsy spectrum and lacks a load of motivation and drive in his life overall. Some of it comes from his mildly nihilistic view on life and some of it is depressiveness and the inability to help himself more on his own accord. It probably took a lot for him to get on a stricter medication routine for it. He tries to take care of himself at the bare minimum but he still doesn’t quite cultivate the best or healthiest of habits. He’s often got others around him trying to help him out and check up on him. Think also of the comic strips of Ludwig trying to help him organize and clean his house and get his finances into check.

Idk how his mom died. Maybe it’s one of those things never spoken about but it was sudden and he was at home when it happened and just remembers it getting super late and dark and him wondering where tf she is each time he’d wake up and him attempting to call her work and go to voicemail each time.

Also back on the topic of his tendencies but Herakles can for sure be the sore loser and jealous type but only depending on whether or not the matter involves Sadiq. Otherwise he’s like eh whatever it’s fine I’ll get it next time) and as I said above he’s also got a somewhat nihilist mindset and wishes to just spend his time doing as he pleases lolll his philosophical info dumps would get mind breaking at times and he just drones onnnn and onnnn and on about it it’s like the kind of stuff that’d make u lie on ur back with ur hands behind ur head staring up at the sky like “yeah……..wow…😕” and would prob put u to sleep cuz he speaks in a slower and softer tone. And you’d prob experience a strange yet vivid dream in the moment. He’s got an ambient and nostalgic feel to his presence that’s hard to explain and melancholy yet oddly calming.

Oh also he still practices Orthodox Christianity besides being an atheist on the most part and not even following any religion or religious rules or moral code bc it’s what he was raised doing with his mom and he feels like it’s what she would’ve wanted lmfaooo I guess it’s for nostalgia’s sake and paying respects to her. Maybe he’s an atheist. Idk. Perhaps his philosophical ideals and stuff he’s learned influences his view on general spirituality and religion so in a way he feels like in the end all gods are all to reach a similar point and intention and are an outer extension/projection of our own subconscious beings and are vessels of hope and focal points for moral code and explanations for the world around us. Or maybe he just views them as beings created to give people’s lives purpose. Or he believes all things at once. Who knows what goes on in his mind.

As for his narcolepsy, his mom may have assumed at first that he was the type of child to nap a lot or that he was lazy, but over time she’d realize something is probably up and would recognize that he wouldn’t be able to help it most of the time and that he actually isn’t the lazy type and works hard when he can. She’d get called by teachers often yelling about his tendency of zoning out and sleeping in class and she’d just respond with “Oh yeah? Well maybe your class isn’t interesting enough if he’s always falling asleep in it!”

So yeah. A load of his life was built around her from the start, and he relied on her for a lot, I mean she’s his mom and all too and the only closer(?) family member in his life given that he’s an only child and has no father. The sudden change of her leaving completely threw his life off course so for years he’s been in some sort of endless state of limbo where he’s both apathetic both saddened yet he might not make it so obvious when around others. He just appears quiet, apathetic and carefree for the most part.

[gloomysoup]

i wanna write. make me write people. please. it's been so long.

here's some current wips you can make me write, along w brief descriptions (yes ik there's a lot of them) :

secrets

omega!steve/alpha!eddie - in which steve and eddie are decidedly NOT a thing. eddie gets a record deal, steve finds out he's pregnant, and shenanigans ensue when he doesn't tell eddie (find more info here)

rockstar slice of life

rockstar!eddie/just some guy!steve - the boys live in chicago. eddie is in a band w new bandmates (he's still friends w the corroded coffin boys, but they had different dreams and passions. it was a mutual breakup on good terms). steve is the Band Boyfriend, making sure nobody dies. it is very fluffy and has minimal plot

daycare

omega!steve/alpha!eddie - steve runs a daycare out his home and takes care of The Party. based on a prompt from the WONDERFUL @nburkhardt (find more info here)

russian adventures

essentially steve goes to russia instead of hopper. it's all about the effects the experience had on him and how he tries to find normalcy again after being presumed dead for almost a year. perhaps a sprinkle of steddie but mostly steve navigating his relationships w the Party knowing that he's not the same person he was before

i've loved everything about you that hurt

this is like one of the very few with an actual title. it's based on G.I.N.A.S.F.S. by Fall Out Boy. it is an angsty steddie one shot set in eddie's pov (i have not yet figured out how to start writing this but i will figure it out)

steve's parents don't suck

i have no better title for this one tbh. basically, steves parents are famous musicians in a band. it's mostly about him not talking ab it w anyone, but the Party slowly figuring it out themselves. he uses connections to help corroded coffin as much as he can. i don't really have a plot yet

rockstar angst

rockstar!eddie/teacher!steve - they have a big fight right before eddie takes off to pursue his music, leaving steve behind to simmer in his anger and frustration. steve follows eddie's career closely, but they don't see each other again for fifteen years. there's still bad blood between them, even after so much time, but eventually they will work their shit out

stepdads

omega!steve/alpha!eddie - steve is a single parent. eddie falls in love. shenanigans ensue. (find more info here)

the things that haunt me (in the middle of the night)

in simplest terms, steve gets vecna'd. he doesn't tell anyone. very angsty with a lot of steve hurt, but a happy comforting ending (find slightly more info here)

alright that's all i have to share right now. there's other things swirling thru my docs but nothing ready for tumblr yet. idk just like send me asks and make me write things. also if you have any ideas to add to any of these, i wouldn't say no. i will answer all of them as quickly as possible, and they will most likely all include some snippet that i write for each one :))

[maxwellatoms]

Congratulations, one of your characters made a cameo appearance in my midlife crisis!

This takes a little time to explain, but on the art web site FurAffinity, living users are represented with a tilde, while living impaired users get an infinity symbol in front of their names. I was at a low point in my life when I drew this, and thought about what would happen when the Grim Reaper eventually closed the loop.

Anyway. This was supposed to be for questions, so I'll ask one. The career of an animator seems to be nomadic... they'll spend some time developing a series for Cartoon Network, then move to Disney, then migrate to Nickelodeon, only to return where they started (cough cough CH Greenblatt cough).

Any reason, or reasons, why this happens? Honestly, I have a difficult time understanding why anyone would go to Nickelodeon to start a show, given the way so many artists have been treated by the network in the past. Do all the networks act like this?

Just curious. Thanks for your time, and for the years of entertainment.

You guys look great together, but no loop closings please!

Gotta bilde the tilde, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, yeah... Animators all know that Other Studios have Other Problems. It's not at all uncommon to hear someone say, "I'm about ready for new problems".

I spent most of my career (until the wonders of the recent mega-merger) at WB, so I've really only known WB problems (with a light sprinkling of Disney Troubles). I've asked friends like C.H. Greenblatt and Jessica Borutski about the long-haul at Nick, so I have a basic idea what the culture is like. But if I land at Nick in five years, it could be a completely different set of circumstances and maybe even a completely different set of employers.

I know maybe three studio execs with solid careers who've spent the majority of their time at one studio. Most of the time, the low level executive track is even more of a meat grinder than the creative track. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that the middle-management meat grinder is the cause of the creative meat grinder.

The job of an executive is to make impressive decisions that dazzle their superiors and shareholders. If you've just been hired to replace someone and have inherited a stack of 32 animation bibles in various stages of development with assorted creators, are you really going to just continue going through that pile? I mean, you're replacing someone for a reason, right? So probably better just to toss that whole pile of animation bibles in the trash and start again. Because you're going to look like an idiot if even a single one of those fails. And if it succeeds, it just makes your predecessor look smart, which steals some of your shine. So you axe those creators and all of their support goes away and the cycle begins anew.

During my career, these executive turnovers (and the following creative turnovers) happen about every four or five years. With a little luck, it takes (in my experience) about two years to get a show through development to pilot, and then another year to decide if it's going to be a series. In short, there is precious little time where a creator/EP can interface with and rely on a competent executive to champion them. If you don't have that, you're not going anywhere.

I'm not sure how anything gets made. From the inside, development is always trickle-down sweaty desperation. I guess somehow, every now and then, a neurodivergent 23 year old slips through the cracks and makes a kid's show about The Grim Reaper. It could all be luck.

There are definitely execs who love animation and have made it their life's work. But there are also people who just got into the business as, say, a personal assistant and hasn't watched an animated cartoon since they were six, but suddenly find themselves in control of many millions of dollars worth of IP. There are execs who think of entertainment only as a commodity and who literally don't understand why creatives feel so passionate about "just cartoons" but will remind you "how lucky you are to work in entertainment" if you ask for a raise.

In short, the problems are usually management related. And those problems are mostly the same across studios, with the occasional Infamous Despot you want to avoid at all costs. The good news is that said Despot probably won't last five years.

There are perks at the different studios too. Proximity to decent food. Occasional amusement park passes. Friday morning bagels. The sort of stuff that hopefully nobody is taking a job specifically for.

At the end of the day, there are three or four big studios we can work for. There are also a smattering of smaller indie studios which... make content for those three or four other studios anyway.

The long and short of it is that there's just not a lot of choice where we can work or who we work for. We definitely talk to each other and the studio culture does weigh heavily when you're deciding where to go. Assuming you have the luxury of choice. It all kind of sucks, and it all kind of sucks in the same way. But sometimes you get bagels.

Stay Frisky!

[lifeofpriya]

for jack week: slow burn friends to lovers?

you got it, anon! 🫡🫶🏼

A Growing Attraction

wc: 3.4k

You couldn't help but giggle at the way Jack was meticulously concentrating on piping the perfect swirls of frosting onto the cupcakes. It was a rare sight, seeing this fiercely competitive athlete so delicately involved in a task that didn't involve a racket and a ball. His solid and tanned forearms flexed slightly with each precise movement, his eyes focused on the task at hand as if it was the most critical point in a Grand Slam match. The kitchen was filled with the sweet aroma of vanilla and a hint of something spicy—his secret ingredient, he'd told you with a wink.

"Thank you for helping me with my dessert for the potluck," you say, watching Jack's intense concentration as he adds a sprinkle of cinnamon to the delicate frosting swirls. The sun streams through the kitchen window, casting a warm glow across the marble countertops and highlighting the beads of sweat on his brow. The kitchen of your shared apartment has become a battleground of sorts, with flour scattered like snowflakes and a fine dusting of sugar glinting on the floor.

Jack glances up, a smudge of frosting on the tip of his nose, and grins. "No problem, you know I love a challenge," he says, his voice deep and warm, the accent of his English hometown lingering like the scent of freshly cut grass.

You two had become fast friends over the past year, sharing laughs, stories, and the occasional pint at the local pub. The bond grew more robust with each shared experience, from the exhilaration of his matches to the quiet evenings in, when you'd help him unwind from the pressures of his career. You had a knack for making him feel at ease, and in turn, Jack brought a certain excitement to your life that had been missing before he crashed into it like a serve at Wimbledon.

This particular afternoon was one of those moments you cherished—simply being together, doing something mundane yet utterly delightful. The air between you was thick with the sweetness of the cake and the unspoken understanding that had blossomed over time. You knew his schedule was hectic, with training sessions and tournaments leaving little room for the simple joys of baking. But here he was, apron tied around his waist, a smear of frosting on his cheek, and a look in his eye that was both earnest and playful.

As you watched him, you couldn't help but notice the way the light played with the strands of his chocolate-brown hair, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed, and the gentle curve of his smile that could melt even the most stoic of hearts. A warmth spread through you, a feeling that had been building for months, but one you had shoved aside, not wanting to disrupt the equilibrium of your friendship.

Jack, however, seemed oblivious to your inner tumult as he meticulously placed the final cupcake on the tray. "Alright, these are done," he announced, stepping back to admire his handiwork. "What do you think?"

You look at the array of perfectly frosted cupcakes, each one a miniature work of art, and smile. "They're beautiful, Jack. You should open your own bakery."

Jack laughs, swiping the frosting off his nose with the back of his hand. "Don't give me any ideas, I've got enough on my plate with the tennis." But his eyes sparkle with the hint of a shared joke, and you know he's proud of his culinary creation.

You both spend the next few minutes cleaning up the kitchen, the rhythm of your movements in sync as you've learned to be over the months of cohabitation. The conversation flows easily, ranging from the latest tennis gossip to your own work woes.

Jack's hand brushes against yours as you both reach for the same spatula, and a jolt of electricity runs through you. You pull back, your cheeks flushing, and pretend to focus on scraping the last bits of frosting from the mixing bowl.

"You okay?" he asks, his brow furrowed with genuine concern.

You nod, trying to play off the sudden rush of feelings. "Yeah, just a bit warm in here."

Jack, ever the observant one, doesn't miss the slight tremble in your voice. He sets down the mixing bowl and places a gentle hand on your shoulder. "You sure?"

You nod again, but this time, the warmth of his touch sends a shiver down your spine. "I'm fine," you murmur, not meeting his gaze.

Jack studies you for a moment, his hand lingering on your shoulder. Then, with a sigh, he grabs a kitchen towel and starts to wipe down the counter. "If you say so," he says, his tone a mix of doubt and acceptance.

The silence that follows is filled with the ticking of the clock above the stove, the distant hum of the city, and the unspoken questions hanging in the air. You're aware of every breath Jack takes, every movement he makes. The warmth from his hand seems to have seeped into your skin, leaving a trail of confusion and longing in its wake.

As you stand side by side, scrubbing at the bowls and plates, the kitchen a flurry of baked goodness and shared laughter, you can't help but feel the weight of the moment. It's as if the universe has decided to serve up a slice of reality, one that you're not quite ready to digest. Your friendship with Jack is the kind that feels like home, comfortable and familiar, yet the current between you is anything but mundane.

You pick up the sponge, the water running warm over your hands, and scrub at a stubborn spot of frosting. The motion is soothing, a gentle reminder of the countless times you've done this together, a dance of domesticity that has become your routine. His presence beside you, the warmth of his body, the sound of his breathing—it's all too much and not enough at the same time.

Jack, seemingly sensing the shift in the air, glances over, his eyes searching yours. "What's on your mind?" he asks, his voice softer now, the teasing gone.

You swallow hard, the sponge in your hand feeling like a lead weight. "Just…thinking about how lucky I am to have you as a friend," you reply, hoping the tremor in your voice isn't too noticeable.

Jack's gaze lingers, his eyes searching yours with a newfound intensity. "You're pretty great yourself," he says, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

The warmth in the room seems to increase as the silence stretches on, and you become acutely aware of the proximity of your bodies. The kitchen, which once felt spacious and familiar, suddenly feels like the most intimate of spaces, with the countertop acting as a barricade you both long to surpass.

Jack's eyes are a hazel reminiscent of the leaves that rustle outside your apartment window, a color that seems to hold secrets and whispers of the countryside he often speaks of. His hand remains on your shoulder, the heat of it seeping into your skin and setting your pulse racing. You swallow again, trying to find the words to express the tumult of emotions swirling inside you, but they evade you like a drop of water on a hot pan.

Instead, you busy yourself with the dishes, the warm water acting as a balm against the sudden tension that has crept into your friendship. Each clank of the plate against the counter is a beat in a rhythm that you both know so well, a comforting pattern that you've fallen into countless times before. But now, it feels different. The air is charged with something unspoken, a current that zaps through the space between your bodies, demanding acknowledgment.

Jack's hand on your shoulder tightens slightly, as if he's about to say something, but then it loosens, and he clears his throat. "Let's take a break," he suggests, turning off the tap. "We've earned it, don't you think?"

You nod, setting down the sponge, the unspoken tension a palpable third presence in the room. "Yeah, definitely."

Jack leans against the counter, his eyes never leaving yours, the smile on his face a curious blend of understanding and uncertainty. You both know that this moment has the potential to change everything, to redefine the boundaries of your friendship. It's a tightrope walk over a canyon of emotion, and you're both acutely aware that one wrong step could send everything tumbling down.

He reaches for a cupcake, breaks the silence by licking the frosting from the corner of his mouth. "You know," he says, his voice casual yet laden with meaning, "these are pretty amazing."

You smile, the tension in your chest uncoiling slightly. "Thanks to your masterful piping skills."

Jack laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and you're hit with a wave of nostalgia for all the moments that led to this. The way he'd cheer you up after a bad day with a terrible British TV show, the way you'd sit on the couch together, legs tangled up, and talk about everything and nothing. The way he'd throw his arm around your shoulders, comfortably, casually, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

But now, with the frosting-covered kitchen and the lingering touch, everything feels different. The air is thick with anticipation, like the moment before a storm, charged with potential energy that makes your skin tingle.

Jack takes a step closer, the space between you now a mere breath. He's looking at you with those hazel eyes that seem to see right through to your soul, and for a moment, you think he might say something that will shatter the unspoken barrier between you. But he doesn't.

Instead, he reaches out and gently wipes a smudge of frosting from your cheek, his thumb lingering for just a second too long. His touch is feather-light, but the impact is like a sledgehammer to your chest. Your heart thunders in your ears, drowning out the sound of the city outside.

You stand there, frozen, the kitchen around you seeming to hold its breath. Jack's eyes never leave yours as his thumb traces the path of your cheekbone, sending shivers down your neck. You can feel the heat of his body, the warmth radiating off him like a furnace. You're acutely aware of every inch of space between you, the air crackling with unspoken desire.

Jack's hand lingers, his thumb hovering just millimeters from your mouth. "You've got a bit here," he murmurs, his voice low and husky.

"Oh, thank you," you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper as you wipe away the smudge of frosting from your cheek, your own hand shaking slightly.

Jack's eyes don't leave yours, and you're trapped in the warmth of his gaze. He's so close that you can feel his breath, smell the faint scent of sweat and sugar that clings to him. Your heart is racing, a wild stallion in your chest, and you can't decide if you should lean in or pull away. The kitchen feels like it's spinning, the world outside fading to a distant hum.

Suddenly, Jack's hand moves, reaching for the sponge you've abandoned in the sink. "Let's get the rest of this cleaned up," he says, his voice a shade too bright, the tension dissipating like steam from a kettle.

You nod, the moment passing as quickly as it had arrived. You grab a towel and start drying the dishes, the warmth of his touch still lingering on your skin. The kitchen is once again filled with the comforting sounds of laughter and the clinking of dishes, but the air is now tinged with something unspoken, something that makes your heart race every time your eyes meet.

The rest of the afternoon unfolds in a blur of cleaning and packing the cupcakes into a Tupperware container, which then you placed in the refrigerator to chill. Each movement feels weighted, as if the air itself has thickened with the unspoken words and feelings that hang between you. You both pretend not to notice the charged silence, focusing instead on the task at hand, your laughs a tad forced and your smiles a bit too bright.

As the light outside begins to fade, painting the kitchen a warm amber, Jack looks over at you. "You okay?" he asks again, the concern in his voice echoing from earlier.

You force a smile, trying to shake off the lingering feelings. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just… I don't know."

Jack sets down the dishcloth he's been twisting in his hands and steps closer. "What's up?"

You hesitate, the words tangling in your throat like a knot that refuses to come undone. "It's just…" You take a deep breath, steeling yourself. "I've been thinking a lot lately."

Jack cocks his head to the side, his expression a mix of curiosity and concern. "About?"

You fiddle with the edge of the towel, avoiding his gaze. "Us, I guess."

Jack's eyes widen, his grip on the sponge tightening. "Us?" he repeats, the word echoing in the now-quiet kitchen.

You nod, the gravity of the situation pressing down on you like a heavy blanket. "I mean, I know we're friends, and that's amazing, but… I can't help but feel like there's something more." You finally meet his gaze, searching for any hint of understanding.

Jack's eyes are wide, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows hard. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Instead, he takes a step closer, closing the distance between you. The warmth from his body is like a beacon in the cooling air of the kitchen, and you find yourself leaning into it, craving the heat like a plant reaching for the sun.

The moment stretches out, a tightrope that you both walk, balancing the weight of your words and the unspoken confessions that hang heavy in the air. Your heart thunders in your chest, each beat echoing through your body like the bass of a distant drumline.

Jack's hand comes up again, this time not to clean a dish or to wipe away a smudge, but to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin. The gesture is tender, a silent question that hangs in the air like mist before the dawn. His eyes search yours, the hazel depths swirling with a storm of emotions that mirrors the tumult in your own soul.

You lean into his touch, the warmth of his hand a comfort and a spark, all at once. The words you've held back for so long are now poised at the edge of your tongue, ready to spill forth like a river breaking through a dam. "I… I think I might be in love with you," you confess, your voice barely above a whisper.

Jack's hand stills, his eyes searching yours as if he's looking for confirmation of what he's just heard. He takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling beneath the fabric of his T-shirt. For a heartbeat, the world seems to stand still, the only sound the soft tick of the clock and the distant murmur of the city outside.

Then, with a gentle smile, he says, "I've felt the same way for a while now." The admission is like a key turning in a lock, unlocking a door that you hadn't even realized was there. You both stand there, frozen in time, the truth of your feelings laid bare.

You lean into his hand, his thumb stroking your cheek in a soft, reassuring caress. Your heart thunders in your chest, a symphony of hope and fear playing out in the quiet kitchen. You've shared so much with Jack—laughter, tears, and the occasional burnt meal—but this confession feels like the most significant exchange yet.

Jack's smile widens, the warmth of it spreading through you like a gentle fire. His other hand reaches for yours, lacing your fingers together, a silent promise of support. "I had no idea," he whispers, his gaze never wavering. "I didn't want to say anything and mess up what we have."

You give a shaky laugh, feeling the tightness in your chest start to ease. "Yeah, me too," you admit. "But I can't keep pretending."

Jack nods, his eyes searching yours. "Neither can I."

The kitchen, once a flurry of activity and laughter, now feels like the quiet before the storm, the air charged with an electricity that could either illuminate the room or set it alight. You stand there, frozen, unsure of what to do next, your heart racing in a delicious anticipation.

Jack, ever the first to act on the tennis court, takes the lead here too. He leans in, his breath warm against your cheek as he whispers, "What if we don't pretend anymore?" His thumb traces the curve of your jaw, sending a shiver down your spine.

You swallow hard, the words lodged in your throat. "What do you mean?" you ask, your eyes searching his for any clue to what might come next.

Jack takes a deep breath, his thumb still tracing gentle patterns on your cheek. "I mean," he starts, his voice barely above a murmur, "what if we explore this… this something more that's been growing between us?"

You look at him, the kitchen light reflecting in the depths of his hazel eyes, and you can see the hope and fear dancing within them. The question hangs in the air, a delicate thread that you both dare not to break. "Are you sure?" you ask, the tremor in your voice betraying the hope that's blossoming in your chest.

Jack nods, the corner of his mouth quirking up in a way that makes your stomach flutter. "More than sure," he says, his voice steady. "I just don't want to ruin what we have."

You nod, understanding the gravity of what he's saying. You've been down this road before, where the line between friendship and love becomes blurred, and the fear of losing the bond you've built keeps you from taking the next step. But with Jack, it feels different. It feels right.

You take a deep breath, the scent of vanilla and cinnamon still lingering in the air. "I don't want to ruin it either," you murmur, "but I also don't want to miss out on something amazing."

Jack's smile widens, a spark of excitement in his eyes. "So, we're in this together?"

You nod, your own smile tentative yet hopeful. "We're in this together."

Jack's grip on your hand tightens, a silent declaration of unity. He takes a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours, the kitchen fading into the background as if it's no longer a part of the scene. The only things that seem to matter in this moment are the two of you, the warmth of his hand on your cheek, and the unspoken promise that hangs in the air.

Slowly, so as not to startle the fragile connection that's forming, Jack leans in, his gaze dropping to your lips. You can feel the warmth of his breath, the anticipation in his touch. The world around you seems to hold its breath, the only sound the racing of your heart and the distant hum of the city outside.

You close the space between you, your eyes fluttering shut as your lips meet his. The kiss is soft, tentative, a question and an answer all rolled into one. It's a kiss that speaks of months of yearning and a future filled with the promise of something more.

Jack's arms wrap around you, pulling you closer, the kitchen towel slipping from your grasp to the floor. The warmth of his embrace is like a sun-kissed afternoon, comforting and exhilarating all at once. His mouth moves with a gentle urgency that sends waves of heat through your body, melting away the last vestiges of doubt.

You wrap your arms around his neck, your hands tangling in his hair as the kiss deepens. The scent of cinnamon and sweat mingles with the clean smell of soap, a potent cocktail that makes your head spin. You've dreamt of this moment a hundred times, but the reality of it is so much more than you could have ever imagined.

Jack's hands are warm and firm, his touch a gentle reassurance as he deepens the kiss. Your bodies mold together as if they've been doing this dance for a lifetime. The kitchen, the dishes, the cupcakes—all of it fades away, leaving only the two of you, wrapped in a cocoon of love and hope.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Five Little Ducks

Fandom: DC Comics, Batman

Summary: Bruce finds a magically de-aged Jason.

Chapters: 9/13

Characters: Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Stephanie Brown, Duke Thomas, Zatanna Zatara

Additional Tags: De-Aged Jason Todd, Magic, Babysitting, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, POV Third Person, Bruce Wayne is Not Okay, Bruce Wayne Tries, Jason Todd Has Issues, Childhood Trauma, TW: Self Harm

Chapter Nine: Career Day

Jason swung his feet, still eating hotdogs. "Mr. Wayne?" Jason whispered.

"Want another hotdog?" Bruce asked. Jason shook his head. "You sure?"

"I'm alright... Can I still get more hot cocoa?" Jason asked.

"Of course, Jason. You okay?" Bruce replied. Jason shook his head. "Still scared?" Jason nodded. "That's okay... The adrenaline will wear off, and everything will slow down in your head."

"How do you know?" Jason asked.

Bruce took a breath and reached to mess up Jason's hair. Jason flinched away, and Bruce nodded. "Sorry, I forgot you weren't-." Bruce trailed off.

Jason looked down at his feet, and Bruce poured him another cup of cocoa. Steph returned with marshmallows from the other kitchen. "I knew we had chocolate marshmallows somewhere," Steph smiled. Jason smiled at her.

She sprayed whipped cream on top of his cocoa and sprinkled the marshmallows. "Jason, I gotta go," Steph whispered, "It was nice meeting you."

She opened her arms, and Jason hugged her. "Do you really have to go?" Jason whined.

Steph nodded. "Yeah, but you're in good hands... Be good," Steph whispered. Jason nodded. She left Jason alone with Bruce.

"Jason, are you sure you're full?" Bruce asked.

Jason nodded. "Are you gonna tell my mom about tonight?" Jason whispered.

Bruce shook his head. "Still feel shaky?" Bruce asked. Jason nodded. "Yeah... How about we go for a ride?"

"Okay... But I should probably finish-."

"You can eat in the car. I'll make you another hotdog and put your cocoa in a to-go cup... Unless you'd like to eat first. Sorry if I seem pushy," Bruce whispered. Jason shook his head.

"You're not pushy," Jason replied, "Do you get lonely in this house all by yourself?"

Bruce poured Jason's cocoa into a to-go cup. "Sometimes," Bruce answered. With a tilt of the head, Bruce realized Jason wasn't asking to make conversation. He genuinely cared. "Do you get lonely being an only child?"

Jason nodded. "But you're an only child too... You know what it's like," Jason replied.

"I suppose I do... Still, I'd like to hear about your experience. It's gotta be different now than it used to be," Bruce replied as he wrapped Jason's hotdog in deli paper. They walked to the car, and Bruce handed Jason his food. "Gotham's changed a lot from when I was a child. Crime's not as organized as it used to be. More innocent people getting hurt."

"I guess so... But I'm not scared of the crime. I'm-. Do you ever feel like everyone else has more life than you?" Jason questioned. Bruce furrowed his brow. "Like some people have everything... Huge families, the perfect house, the car-."

"The happiness?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah," Jason mumbled.

The sun rose over the horizon, and Jason shielded his eyes. Bruce pulled down the mirror on the passenger's side. "No one's life is perfect. Even if someone has all those things, they'll always need something else," Bruce replied, "But I get the sense of longing. What do you long for?"

"I wish I had somebody older than me around... Then I wouldn't be responsible for everything all the time. I guess that's selfish, though. I feel selfish for wishing it was someone else. People always say they wouldn't wish stuff on their worst enemies, but is it wrong to wish you had somebody to share things with? Even the bad stuff?" Jason questioned. Bruce nodded. "You probably think that's a terrible thing-."

"You have no idea how much I relate to everything you've said. I think that's been my sole motivation for everything I've done in the past decade or so... I want someone to share my experience with too. I think my second son understood that better than anyone," Bruce whispered. Jason smiled.

"Where is he?" Jason questioned.

"We hit a bump in the road... And things never seemed the same again. We couldn't fix things," Bruce replied, squeezing his knee to hold back tears.

"I hope you can patch things up with your son someday," Jason mumbled as he tapped Bruce's wrist, offering him a gentle hand. "I'm sorry that you can't talk to him right now..."

"Thank you, Jason," Bruce smiled. He glanced over at Jason, who'd quietly given way to tears. "What's the matter?"

"I'm sorry... I don't know why-. I do know why I'm crying... I don't wanna tell you. You'll think it's dumb," Jason cried as he wiped his face. Bruce pulled over.

"I don't think your feelings are dumb... Let me have it, Jason. What's got you so upset?" Bruce asked sweetly.

They stared at one another for a while, and Jason sniffed. "I'm jealous... And I don't wanna be," Jason murmured. Bruce messed up Jason's hair.

"We're sharing something right now, Jason. Maybe you can't take his place, but you can have a place of your own," Bruce whispered, "Would you like that while you're here? To have a space of your own?" Jason stared into Bruce's eyes, all glossy with tears, and nodded. Bruce smiled a gently reassuring smile.

"But what does that mean for me?" Jason asked.

"You're loved while you're here... You're seen while you're here... You're understood," Bruce explained. Jason smiled.

They drove through Gotham while Jason ate and drank, and Bruce glanced at him occasionally. "You know what?" Bruce asked. Jason made a soft noise. "Your smile is the best smile in Gotham."

Jason switched over to a sheepish grin and looked down at his feet. "Thank you," Jason answered weakly.

"It's true. I've never seen a happier smile," Bruce replied honestly, "Reminds me of my son's smile."

"Really?" Jason asked.

Bruce nodded. "Jason, you have your whole beautiful life ahead of you. I don't know what you wanna do, but I know you'll be great," Bruce reassured Jason. "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna help people," Jason replied, "I wanna do something that makes people feel better... Just don't know how. Nobody's ever asked me that before."

"Not even at school?" Bruce questioned. Jason shook his head.

"Nuh-uh... I think the teachers are more worried about keeping us out of juvie," Jason replied. Bruce frowned. "Thanks for asking me, though... Now I can think about it."

"Glad it's on your mind now. I can't wait to see what you become," Bruce beamed.

[mrhaitch]

hello! hope you and your family are doing amazing :) i had some questions for you, if you don’t mind answering.

so i’m currently in my 3rd year of college, majoring in history and getting a minor in education with plans to becoming a high school teacher. things might be different since i live in the US and you live in the UK, but i’m also curious on how teaching is different in the UK. despite the country differences, i’m also curious to hear from someone with a career in teaching.

here’s what my questions are:

1. how did you go about teaching? did you do anything like volunteering at schools or being a substitute teacher in addition to college classes or getting credentials? if so, how’d it go and would you recommend it?

2. did you ever consider teaching elementary, middle school or high school? was it always your plan to teach at a university? (i dunno what the school levels are called in the UK 😭)

3. what are some things you enjoy and dislike about being a professor? what are some things you would like to change if any?

4. are there any tips you can share?

my bad for the load of questions but if you can answer them it’s greatly appreciated :)

- from a local broke history loving college student 🙂‍↕️

1. I did some volunteering at local schools, then worked with a charity that placed PHD students at schools in deprived areas, and also shadowed other lecturers to get experience. I would recommend all of it except for the charity - but that's more for the specific charity I worked for as they often threw me to the wolves with minimal support.

2. So for us it goes primary (4-11), secondary (11-16), and then sixth form/college (16-18) before university. I've previously considered all levels of teaching, except primary - and yes lecturing has always been my goal, for as long as I've had a goal.

3. Unfortunately I'm no longer teaching at a university level (the job market is dire here, but that's another story). I'm currently teaching what I think the US calls remedial English and Maths to students in care.

The things I liked: the students, my department, opportunities to explore and unpack ideas with a passionate audience, and random conversations in the hallway with colleagues that would blow my mind.

Things I disliked: the relatively low pay considering the level of specialisation required, precarious contracts (12 months average, with new contracts offered in place of renewals so no benefits for length of service), and generally being treated like scum/part of an elaborate left wing conspiracy by the press and public.

4. Find your style. Some people can do the stand-up comic thing, others can do the happy clappy camp counselor thing. For me I had to spend a lot of time finding a style of teaching that aligned with my own personality, felt honest, and engaged my students. As such I developed a collaborative approach, where the students directed much of the discussion and I discarded whatever authority they foisted upon me at the very start. Sprinkle in some deliberately awful jokes and a heavy dose of sarcasm and that's me.

Other than that I'd say support your colleagues, give your students your best even when you don't feel it, and take breaks when you can.

[persephoneflouwers]

First off i just want to say im not trying to play blame game, I just want to talk about a few things that is not really mainstream in larry fandom, I remember your thoughts about babygate and how it might be related to Harry’s level of visibility, what im thinking about situation surrounding Louis, his solo career, babygate and Harry is not that unsimilar to that line of thinking.

I think that Harry’s solo career is an extension of 1D project, he was the one that was chosen by big executives to appeal to the group of fans, which was huge in numbers so it would be waste for sony not to tap into that potential, the band managed to garner throughout the years. Sony created a new brand for those fans in a way that they wouldn’t be embarrassed to carry that brand into their new adult life which should be free from their teenage obsession so they heavily leaned into harry being inspired by rock legends at first (with a sprinkle of sex god harry) but it felt flat because the connection between harry and those legends didn’t go beyond critics calling harry fake (lol), and then they realized they needed to put in more work to this rock persona so they brought in the rockstar gf and amped up rumors about his sexuality bc the mystery around his ‘not so secret’ love life was a hook for many of those fans, i also wanna mention that imho harry is not contradicting himself and what his life is supposed to sell just to pat larries on the back in interviews, him saying i want privacy around my love life but we knowing every detail about all his relationships is playing right into that persona of rockstar that is caught in his love or him saying that these things wouldn’t happen for people like him is selling this fantasy of underdog coming from nothing and being everything to thousands of fans, people relate to that but the money they are spending on Harry is unparalleled and beyond that the power they have with media is nothing similar to any underdog quality having small artist could have. By the way im not saying that harry is undeserving of his highly publicized (and sometimes made of) achievements, im saying the work and money that go into it already guarantees this kind of ‘success’

Anyway i think this all kind of ties in how Louis has been struggling with industry-wide blackout all his solo career. Im just guessing but my life experience tells me that Sony wouldn’t let anything or anyone get in the way of millions of dollars they are getting through harry the brand and them, we all know that Louis is the biggest thread to that brand they have been supporting and creating, first they burdened him (and ancient/old/new larries or larrie narrative with babygate) and then they literally made it so that Louis could never the shadows (by the way the mystique around larry proved to big executives that people are intrigued by big stars having secrets or compassionate side that is willing to fight for their love and partners, so they were aware of the void harry’s solo career would have once louis was removed from the situation and they tried to create new larry in their own terms with xander and brad which is so laughable at best because you cant fake the genuine fight or love or yearning, not even proximity would warrant that as we can see with brad and breads lol)

So what is frustrating (to me) about this whole tattoo convo that some people are so hell-bent on minimizing what it really is -a dumb decision- because babygate is still going on as it involves a kid, it is morally fucked up situation on another level (while i agree with that i also question where was that energy when harry was letting olivia bring her kids to his show and his family was getting actively involved with those kids, he was publicly and very visibly inserted into their family situation as well.) Im just dumbfounded that some people bending backwards to give Harry a free pass for every questionable thing he does are somehow missing the fact that Louis’ involvement with babygate only doubled when Harry as a brand finally got the level of fame he or they wanted, im not saying some sony bighead are putting a weapon to louis’ head to say that you should be more hands-on father but they are playing a game of putting all the responsibilities -be it legally or verbally- on his shoulder.

Im sorry for talking your ear off in your asks but i wanted to get that out there even if only one person reads it and i realized i wrote in absolutes in terms of my writing but it is not because im trying to present my thoughts as the facts it is because i didn’t wanna put i think, i guess, i suppose at the beginning of every sentence i wrote to signal that these are my thoughts based on being involved with this fandom more than ten years and real life experiences.

I’ve been looking for someone to share this sort of opinions with all my life. I could have written this honestly, because it stands more or less where I stand with my takes on everything (especially the frontman push, the threatening larry rumours, the mega comeback of babygate coincidentally when Harry’s career has taken a turn for the sky). And I find very silly, very naive, very biased - three words that can easily describe this fandom - the opinion of those who say ‘babygate has nothing to do with larry’ or ‘babygate has nothing to do with Harry’.

I say the tattoo fiasco has been a wake up call for me, because it is a statement, a very dumb, very greedy, very mean - three words that can easily describe the people in the big picture- from Harry himself. It means he went full in for this stunt and from this there’s no coming back. And people will say it’s convenient and ambitious and they will also say they do what they can with their career, but you know… I don’t like these takes because there is a very fine line (pun intended) between ambition and ambiguity, because everybody and their mothers know that if you decided to get involved with the worst people in Hollywood you are not going to end up be a saint. OW being so close to H. W had always creeped me out, because look at how much organic success and organic achievements has brought to our beloved.

Anyway thank you for this very well articulated opinion. I’m sorry I’m only replying to this now. If you want to talk more, we can in private too :)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello sex witch! Long time listener, first time caller, love how you do the teaching you do 😄

I was having a chat with my (college age) sibling, and I found she might have some... skewed views on the morality of being sexual. Think along the lines of purity culture, with a sprinkling of religious teaching, and a dash of how legality/morality must be intertwined. I know that sort of thing can lead to some unhealthy thinking, and honestly, I'm a little worried!

This is just background for context, I'm not asking you to solve or even unpack all that lol. But I really vibe with your stance on sex-neutrality, and it seems like a good concept to introduce her too. Like, a lil'nudge.

My personal sex-neutality mindset was gained over years of life experience and internet osmosis, which is really difficult to condense into a "quick-start guide," given I've never really had to educate on it before. I mean, I'll start with the definition, but she would probably prefer having sources other than just me talking for hours lol.

So. TL;DR. As an educator, do you happen to have any resources you could point me towards on sex-neuteality? Books, websites, podcasts, previous posts..? Things I could pass along?

Thank you so much sorry for the length

hey anon,

this is a tricky one because, as you said, sex neutrality is something that comes about from a lifetime of nurturing influences. adopting a totally new mindset is rarely something that can be adopted by one book or video essay, no matter how good they are. this is especially true in the face of religious influence, which can be very difficult to tactfully circumvent without making someone feel as if they're being criticized for being religious at all.

just having a figure in their life (that's you!) who's willing to start and engage with non-judgmental discussions about sexuality can be really helpful for people unlearning sexual stigma, so congrats to you for doing the hardest work just by being present!

having said that, you can't do everything and a recommended media list never hurts. there isn't a lot of work (that I'm familiar with, at least) that just sit you right down and say "hey. here's why sex neutrality good," so I'm going to drop work where that's sort of a powerful background radiation.

Emily Nagoski's book Come As Your Are is a pretty great guide for cis women learning to get comfortable with their bodies and sexualities and, more importantly, the possibilities of communication to find a relationship and sexual style that works for them! I really like the way Nagoski normalizes such a wide range of different needs and desires while assuring readers that there's no "wrong" approach; it's very comforting! if your sister is a podcast person, Nagoski also has an eight part podcast series of the same name where she debunks myths and answers more questions about sexuality.

actually hi as long as we're talking about podcasts Kate Lister, a historian who specializes in historical records of sex work, has a terribly fun podcast called Betwixt the Sheets that's nothing but sex friendly fun. it's got enough interesting historical meat to it that it's not even obvious sex neutral propaganda on the surface; some of my favorite episodes have Lister interviewing other academics about Queen Victoria's dietary habits and Hollywood portrayals of vodun.

if we want to talk about the 101 of getting comfortable with one's own genitalia and reproductive health, I must point to Dr. Jennifer Gunter's Vagina Bible. Dr. Gunter has made a whole career out of debunking medical misinformation, wellness scams, and Goop over on twitter. I think she should be allowed to attack Gwyneth Paltrow with a sword but I can't make that happen so I can at least promote her book.

if your sister starts feeling adventurous, Dr. Lindsey Doe's youtube channel Sexplanations has been a formative influence on me and has years worth of videos covering tons of topics in quick, unabashedly enthusiastic bursts of information. this video where Dr. Doe talks about her own instances of internalized sex negativity could be an excellent starting point, especially if you want to discuss it together like a lil youtube bookclub.

for a longer youtube dive, Khadija Mbowe's ruminations on sex positive feminism, its shortcomings, and which parts they see as worth preserving could also be a great point of conversation, especially for someone whose coming into the conversation not identifying with sex positivity. caveat that they do link to Christine Emba's book Rethinking Sex in the video description and I cannot in good conscience recommend or fuck with that at all, sorry.

Angela Chen's book Ace, about asexuality, is genuinely so so wonderful, and I think required reading for anyone trying to make sense of any kind of sexuality.

Meg-John Barker's book Rewriting the Rules is a maybe a more expansive version of Nagoski's book, less focused on sex and much more interested in expanding ideas of what relationships can look like and encouraging personal expression within them. honestly I think that's a really important part of embracing sex negativity - more compassion and less judgment for yourself can lead to more compassion and less judgment for others, right? right, hopefully.

Jaclyn Friedman's book Unscrewed is a delight, and does something similar to Mbowe's video linked above by highlighting ways in which commercialized #girlboss "sex positivty" is useless and then providing instances of real people doing actual, tangibly useful and positive work. Friedman highlights everything from queer youth shelters to orgs run by and for trans sex workers of color to reproductive justice organizations; it's a great dip into a lot of different radical causes without (hopefully) being too overwhelming.

I hope this serves as a good starting place for a lot of positive conversations with your sibling! good luck, friend xoxo

[thatgirl4815]

Hi. Im really curious about your opinion on branded pairs in Thai BL marketing, especially about Firstkhaotung. I happen to like both actors very much (since Moonlight Chicken) and then from the Eclipse and Only friends. It would be great to see them as a couple in an upcoming show but acting career wise it could limit their range or project choices if this branded pairs marketing strategy dictates certain limits. My somewhat negative feelings about it came from moonlight chicken which was the second Thai series that I watched and Earthmix seem to be such a strong branded pair that I found the watching experience strange and then the shoehorning of 2 Alan Gaipa scenes in the end. How do you see it? And which one is your favourite branded pair (if there is any)?

Hi! So sorry it’s taken me a bit to answer this - it’s been a crazy few days.

I also think there are both strengths and weaknesses to having branded pairings, and I think OF happened to be a really good example of that. I’ve seen quite a few disgruntled reactions to the branded pairings ending up together in the end…I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the one couple who didn’t end up together was the one that wasn’t pre-established.

In the case of Moonlight Chicken, I think it can apply similarly, though maybe not as obviously. I like the AlanGaipa scenes but I do agree that if it hadn’t been FirstKhao coming off of The Eclipse, would they have had those scenes in the end? My gut says no.

I’m kind of torn overall tbh, because I think branded pairings work for a reason. There have been so many standouts that have been hugely successful because of it - EarthMix, FirstKhao, and OffGun to name a few. The problem comes when those branded pairings interfere with plot and limit the creativity in these stories. The majority of audiences want to see their faves together, but that stunts creativity in some aspects if the plot could be better served by a different endgame (or no endgame altogether, in the case of TopMew in OF).

Anyways, I think it’s a slippery slope for gmmtv and bl in general to pursue branded pairings because it’s a huge money draw and appeals to fans, but it’s a balance of creativity and storytelling and appealing to the chemistry that viewers love so much. For me personally, FirstKhao has always been my favorite pairing since The Eclipse for a lot of reasons, but one that stands out is that their acting is so strong individually as well as together. I’ve noticed in BL especially, branded pairings have a tendency to lean into each other so much in their acting that it’s difficult to tell if they could actually hold their own on screen. FK have done that, and sprinkling in their chemistry when together just takes everything to a whole new level.

[safflowerseason]

I also haven't done a comprehensive book post but I'd love to hear your thoughts! If anything, it's just made me have 10,000 more questions than I did before which was already A Lot. Also Justice 4 Mischa/Marissa always.

You sent this before we got Mischa Barton dropping major bombshells!! Now so much has changed!! 

I said this briefly in earlier comments but my overall take on the book now is that, while it had lots of insights in other areas not related to Mischa Barton, it ultimately demonstrated the limits of the oral history approach. MB’s specific revelations also demonstrate why an oral history was probably not the best way to really get “behind the scenes” of what happened on this particular show. Like, in my experience oral histories are generally pretty fluffy and they kind of allow everyone to share memories and their recollections without much pushback…which is basically what happened in the book. If you interview as many people as Sepinwall did and absolutely everyone refuses to go on the record about two co-stars dating because they know just how fucked-up it is…that is a story that requires a *totally* different angle than a fluffy oral history, especially one that's such a direct collaboration with the showrunners. I’ve been thinking about the book recently published by Mo Ryan called Burn It Down: Power, Complicity, and a Call for Change in Hollywood. That’s the kind of approach you’d need to do her story justice. 

At the same time, I do maintain that Sepinwall emphasized that what happened with MB’s exit was not her fault, in spite of his past (sketch) history with the show. He gave a lot of detail about network fuckery, Schwartz’s failures as a show-runner in S3, and he also showed that Brody and McKenzie were actually the ones being assholes on set, not MB, but that no one in charge cared because to Schwartz they were the two most important characters - ie, MB was considered expendable and the men were not. 

As for Schwartz…I already thought he came off pretty terribly in the book but now, like, oh my god. I don’t know how anyone but ESPECIALLY women could work with him ever again. I think it's so gross to claim that you're going to be open and honest about everything that happened on your show when you know this HUGE SECRET. Like I *get* why nobody wanted to go on the record about this and of course it's fundamentally Ben McKenzie's or Mischa Barton's news to share, but then don't PRETEND that you're going to fully explain what happened twenty years later when you know it's not the full story. Jesus Christ.

What makes me so mad is that the only reason Schwartz was so comfortable “taking the fall” in the limited way he did for what happened with MB and the show’s decline in quality is because it hasn’t actually cost him anything, and sadly I don’t think MB’s interview is going to change that. Nobody important in Hollywood cares because it was so long ago and it was his first show and one actress’s mental health and career prospects are a small price to pay for letting a man do whatever he wants on a set. So he didn’t risk anything by going on the record about all this. 

As for the non-MB parts of the book, of course I enjoyed reading everyone’s perspectives looking back, especially in the first year, and the little random fun stories that were sprinkled throughout. Chris Carmack came off as a pretty decent guy to me, and Adam Brody clearly has done a lot of reflection on that era of his life and how he acted at the time. I love Kelly Rowan and Peter Gallagher so much and I enjoyed their take on things (also intrigued by the comment that they weren't super tight on set?!) And I thought the book was a great overview of just how many factors and voices and interests went into making a single piece of television during the peak years of network tv. Like, so many different execs in charge of different things, all putting competing pressures on the show…it’s easy to see why television was so formulaic in that period. The O.C. in its earliest and best days really didn’t fit the mold for anything on TV, and as the book laid out why that was kind of the show's undoing in a way (in addition to Schwartz f*&king it up).

That was a lot and seems like enough to be getting on with for now, haha. Ultimately what I really want is a two volume exposé on the toxic culture of Hollywood in this early 00's era and how so many young women were chewed up and spat out by the system, with Mischa Barton's story as a prime example. She deserves justice!

[choicesmc]

quick rundown on background for my immortal desires oc (not really her backstory, just some background context!!)

tw abuse. admittedly it is rather lightly sprinkled (like barely there) but just to be safe 👍

yeah, her mom's the surrender mc but the marriage didn't last. around when Jia was 4, Charity (her mom) realized that much hadn't changed since she left Pat: - she only had 1 friend outside of Reagan - sure, she was a working woman but she worked at a job regean 'approved' of - regean had controlling tendencies she'd brushed off when she was younger but now that she's in her forties it's really starting to show

So Charity started expanding her friend circle. Went back to school for a new career and, uh, reagan seemed to take it well at first but as Charity's social life grew outside of reagan he became more demanding in response. she also noticed a pattern of him doing something wrong -> ignoring her when she initially explains her feelings -> her giving him a cold shoulder -> him apologizing and promising to change -> her forgiving him -> repeat.

Charity and Reagan initially tried to solve it on their own but that wasn't working due to aforementioned cycle. Then (Jia is ~7 y.o.) they saw marriage counselors both separately and together in which Charity realizes how little she knows about Reagan and how quickly she jumped back into marriage after her first divorce.

Because of that, she asks Reagan for time apart. Not a divorce, just a separation so she can step back and re-analyze her life and figure herself out a bit. As always, Reagan is initially supportive until he isn't. He starts badgering her, keeping tabs on her despite her wishes otherwise, and in general disrespects every request Charity has made for privacy + separation.

Fed up, she talks to him about it and... he downplays his actions and insists he just loved her too much that he couldn't stay away. Really, she should know by now that he's always so worried for her.

And like that used to work when Charity was younger but she's near forty years old now. With a wider range of experiences and people, she's starting to realize how infantilizing + isolating Reagen is towards her. And if she learned anything from Pat? Then this is the one thing it was: don't stay with fuckers that keep trying to isolate you.

They were divorced soon after. (Jia is ~11 yo.)

staying in chicago is hell after the split. it's almost as bad as when she got married. everyone knows her name and has an opinion on her life. And she tries to stay positive and carve out her own space for herself but its like reagan is everywhere in this city. she's gotta go.

and that's why Jiahao and Charity move to New England after years in chicago.

[satanandsoul]

♉︎ Baekhyun Birth Chart Analysis ♉︎

With Baekhyun now back from the military, I thought it would be a great time in doing a birth chart analysis. I found his birth time on a Twitter account called Kpop astrology archive.

Disclaimer: All these are for entertainment purposes only. DO take my words with a grain of salt.

Asteroids and astrological body that will be discussed in depth in this post are Ceres, Juno and Black Moon Lilith (BML) as they show up prominent in my research.

Most of the planets are in the southern hemisphere (yes, the upper half of the natal chart is called southern hemisphere). No wonder Baekhyun has an out going personality. He has no problem displaying who he is in the public sphere and socialise with others.

A T-square with Sun in 12th house in Taurus opposite Pluto in 6th house in Scorpio and Saturn being the apex in the 10th house in Aquarius: Damn, the amount of tension this astrological pattern brings... The way that Baekhyun natural tendency to just find a private place to chill is in direct conflict with his subconscious desire to work passionately with the additional struggle to build something unconventional but long-lasting in career sprinkled on top. I am afraid Baekhyun's soul won't get to rest before he has cemented himself as one of the greatest vocalists in the Kpop industry as the apex of T-square is often the outlet of this overwhelming tension a native experiences. (He is already a well-recognised vocalist, but there is certainly a next level for his career. He will get there, no worries.) Sun trines Uranus-Neptune conjunction in 8th house Capricorn: In short, this man is dreamy and quirky but in a dark, scorpionic way. This configuration reminds me of the Surrealist paintings that explores the subconscious. Sun squares BML in 9th house in Aquarius: This man struggles with being absolutely free and being his conservative self. He may feel a sense of fatal attraction from rebellious women. Not the type that he will naturally chase after in normal circumstances, but he will be tempted.

Moon in 1st house in Gemini: This man wears his heart on his sleeve. May periodically get puffy face as the moon wanes and waxes. Moon square Mars in 11th house in Aries: His interactions (in the worst case, competitions) with friends, his fans, especially netizens, affect his emotions greatly. He would like his social circles to keep up with him especially mentally and can get frustrated with that isn't the case. A minor grand trine with the Moon trining Saturn and Mercury as the apex in 11th house in Aries: Baekhyun has a talent for structurally communicating his feelings that makes sense to both the logics and emotions. That is what makes Baekhyun appealing to his social circles.

Mercury squares the Uranus-Neptune conjunction in 8th house: This man can have very kinky and dirty thoughts and he will say them. Mercury-Uranus natives don't have the best filter in the cosmo, especially when the aspect is in square. Mercury conjuncts Juno in 11th house in Aries: Future spouse is likely to embody Gemini or Virgo energy. I am leading more towards the Gemini archetype. Talkative, smart, petite, lightweight, almost feels like a fairy. Baekhyun will be friends with this future spouse of his first, friends to lovers trope. This future spouse will be very direct and have a cut-throat sense of humour.

Venus in 12th house in Taurus trines Jupiter in 4th house in Virgo: Judging by the natal chart, Baekhyun seems to have a happy childhood, at least around his family. And he loves this lighthearted feeling and wants to replicate it in his romantic relationships. But he will have his high standards in love as Jupiter in Virgo is known for their high standards and perfectionism. Combined with his Taurus Venus in 12th house, he enjoys keeping his romantic business hidden from the public and loves having physical touches with his romantic partners. He will most likely take his romantic partners to try out restaurants he deems has the best food in town. I mean, that is Taurus Venus for ya. Venus square Ceres in 9th house in Aquarius: This further exaggerates Baekhyun's tendency to take good care of his romantic partner as Ceres represents nourishment and support. Ceres in Aquarius means that Baekhyun's way of nourishing is more intellectual. For example, when his romantic partner is bothered by something, he will nourish his partner through being the voice of reason or providing ideas of solutions.

Mars Trines Pluto: Baekhyun has a deep reservoir of energy. He puts his energy in working. And as Pluto aspects Mars in the 11th house, Baekhyun put in efforts in expanding his social circles, especially he will actively cultivate connections that will be beneficial his work.

Ascendant in Gemini sextiles Mars and squares Jupiter: A very energetic and outgoing personality. Very talkative himself.

Midheaven conjuncts Saturn and BML: Very responsible for his career. A very good sign of succeeding in his chosen profession. But Saturn delays things. Baekhyun's career will most likely soar after his Saturn return which will be after his discharge from the military. (I know he is already a huge Kpop star, but he will be even better. The stars promise that.) And BML is support that. As much as how public hates the Lilithian archetype, they can't help but be drawn to natives with prominent BML as natives with prominent BML offers something different. (Think of Billie Eilish, she is also a singer with prominent Lilith. She is doing music that is drastically different from everybody else.)