#I put this up for myself really and don’t expect ppl to read it

[peachtalia]

I wrote a whole infodump on Herakles headcanons on a priv acc (yk for human version since I prefer to view the guys that way) so I’ll paste it all here cuz fun. It’s gonna be super disorganized and may not carry All of my ideas cuz it’s just me writing whatever came to mind in the moment but I’ll try to organize it the best I can from what I wrote. Also plz take into consideration that I’m not entirely following canon here and a load of it is headcanons with some of canon sprinkled in. Also this is a wip ig

I doubt anybody would read my word vomit cuz I didn’t bother to clean any of this up and my sentence structure is def abysmal as fuck but ig u could say I’m putting this here for my own sake but anyone else is free to read if u would like!!

cw talk of parental loss tho

Okay so I’m gonna ramble about names here cuz it interests me a lot. Obv I’m not Greek or in Greece I just have a deep interest in other cultures and like to research a lot and stalk forums and videos on experiences etc. My ideas may change over time as I learn more about the culture. He feels a bit more old-fashioned to me but anyways yeah nah if I happen to say anything innacurate plz lmk @ anyone who actually reads my word vomit haha

So anyways I def don’t see it as my place to bash on him being given the name "Herakles" cuz I Do know that in Greece they would seem to occasionally give Greek mythological names to ppl (ex: singer who's birth name is Artemios); but I noticed they most often use Christian names tho (also fun fact my irl name is the fem version of an old Greek saint and seems common there along with Hispanic countries that would often do the same lololol)

But at the same time I’d wanna assume that being named Herakles would kinda fuck u over since it would be a huge name to live up to. But that’s just me. Plus to me that adds to his overall life theme

Also I’ve mentioned this before but ppl for years would dunk on his surname claiming that it's "not a real Greek surname" when ... it actually IS, it's just super rare based on what I’ve collected. Admittedly ngly I’ve even been a part of this when I was a kid smh (See: Greek actress with the birth name Evgenia Karpouzi, the fandom would always use the spelling "Karpusi" but that's not language accurate to the more commonly taught Greek language romanization based on what I’ve learned.....

Anywho now onto headcanons and stories I like to apply to him lol

He seems the type whose mom is very huge in the historical arts and preservation field and might've been a Greek history professor and took a huge role in curating and preserving Ancient Greek ruins and artifacts...arranged heritage festivals and exhibitions etc.. Taught culture... Maybe pushed him to be very talented and knowledgeable as a kid and would actively pass down her own knowledge onto him and set pretty high standards for him while also spoiling tf out of him and also being caring yet not as present as a mother due to her career. He grew up very involved in the arts both creative-based and performance-wise but probably mostly the latter. He seems like the type who would be quiet and a bit of a loner at times but was also a lot more enthusiastic and expressive at times.

So anyways yeah not only does he suffer under the curse of living in the shadow of his mothers legacy and not meeting the public expectations in following in her footsteps but a lot of his life is basically formed around her and he wasn’t left with much room to actually form his own personal style due to how heavily influenced he was by her own interest and life path and her passing when he was idk 14 made it even harder for him to even try to let go of any of this cuz besides all of her leftover belongings and the collective community memory of her, it was all he had left of her from within himself so letting go of any of it to make more room for developing his own personal sense of style outside of her existence felt like betraying her or going against her wishes.

He feels deeply guilty for not taking on her legacy after her passing and following in her footsteps but he still does what he can to contribute here and there and still holds a load of pride in what he learns from her + what comes from his roots and besides hanging out with and feeding street cats he still has a lingering fascination and interest in philosophy and observing and maintaining historical sites not only cuz it’s great but also cuz it reminds him of her. It Would also make sense given how canonically he’s portrayed having a home that’s cluttered with his mom’s old things and artifacts that he never wants to get rid of since she passed while he was young.

As for his beef with Sadiq I see it as a ‘obnoxious goofy uncle and petty nephew’ sort of conflict lol. But I like to see it as like. Sadiq was a younger college student of his mom’s who would also do volunteer assistant work for her, so naturally he’d meet Herakles thru that. And with him being that type of guy would screw around with Herakles and poke fun at him yk like how those older guys would treat young kids sometimes and purposely provoke them in a joking yet annoying manner (I have lots of experience of this) and Sadiq himself never saw it as a big deal but yk Herakles Hated that shit and he’s the type to take that kind of stuff to heart. Also Herakles would envy the time he spends with his mom cuz here he is able to get involved with her work life and meanwhile Hera is being some kid at home who sometimes gets to go to his moms work sometimes.

And ooomfg when his mom passes u know damn well that envy turned into pure vitriol cuz Sadiq was able to spend more time around his mom before her sudden death. But Sadiq (still unaware of how deep this shit goes for Herakles) takes Herakles under his wing cuz he feels super bad to say the least.

Now Herakles has one of those large Greek families but he’s autistic* as shit so while he can be loud with them he’s also quiet and a bit of a loner at times so he’d be super reliant on his mother for initiating his interactions with others and she’d take a big part in involving him in family gatherings so u know damn well the second she was gone he didn’t know wtf to do anymore or how to connect with others on his own without her being an extra support lol yk like that one social person that helps interactions go smoother.

* yes I am aware that autism may present differently depending on culture but I’m autistic myself and am basing this on observations I’ve made thru autistic ppl I’ve known in different countries and who also have a similar familial dynamic culturally. Even tho I’m in the US I also have this experience myself with my Viet family members. No duh it’s not ‘just an autism thing’ but yk headcanons

Not to mention him being depressed as fuck over her passing and beginning to self isolate. And being so pitied by family members 24/7 SUCKED Ass so idk ig eventually (after many years and moments of Herakles mostly blowing people off) ppl began to avoid him and stopped inviting him to things like yk that sad thing that often happens whenever someone’s going thru a loss and ppl don’t know what to do about it. He’d ignore their invitations often for years. Of course they’d still try to call or send something or visit every now and then but only very occasionally. It’s like an ‘idk what to do’ sort of thing.

So yeah he’s an only child and was raised by a single mother with a busy and active life where he was always expected to become her shadow whether intended or not. Wow. But despite his family inching away from him, bro still has that younger Cypriot cousin who vibes with him and relates with his quietness and occasional loner behavior so he’d often hang around him cuz the rest of the family would overwhelm him sometimes, therefore even during this time he was the last to stick around for the most part and they’d often hang out in silence. He is a bit more chatty than Herakles tho at times. Idk his name yet. That one Cypriot cousin has a younger brother I think, who’d hang around Sadiq but Herakles’s a #hater and doesn’t really like him for that. He’s the type to threaten to cut ppl off from association and he gets petty and stubborn as hell and holds grudges like u cannot believe. Obviously despite his spite he does still care for Sadiq deep down. He says what he wants but he doesn’t actually wish the guy any real harm and would get super bothered and upset if anybody were to attempt to do so.

Oh yeah and I also mentioned before that I see him being narcoleptic lol *maybe* he occasionally dealt with cataplectic symptoms and it would make sense given how rarely he seems to express strong emotions but I still don’t know. I’m not as knowledgeable in cataplexy I admit. But he’s def on the narcolepsy spectrum and lacks a load of motivation and drive in his life overall. Some of it comes from his mildly nihilistic view on life and some of it is depressiveness and the inability to help himself more on his own accord. It probably took a lot for him to get on a stricter medication routine for it. He tries to take care of himself at the bare minimum but he still doesn’t quite cultivate the best or healthiest of habits. He’s often got others around him trying to help him out and check up on him. Think also of the comic strips of Ludwig trying to help him organize and clean his house and get his finances into check.

Idk how his mom died. Maybe it’s one of those things never spoken about but it was sudden and he was at home when it happened and just remembers it getting super late and dark and him wondering where tf she is each time he’d wake up and him attempting to call her work and go to voicemail each time.

Also back on the topic of his tendencies but Herakles can for sure be the sore loser and jealous type but only depending on whether or not the matter involves Sadiq. Otherwise he’s like eh whatever it’s fine I’ll get it next time) and as I said above he’s also got a somewhat nihilist mindset and wishes to just spend his time doing as he pleases lolll his philosophical info dumps would get mind breaking at times and he just drones onnnn and onnnn and on about it it’s like the kind of stuff that’d make u lie on ur back with ur hands behind ur head staring up at the sky like “yeah……..wow…😕” and would prob put u to sleep cuz he speaks in a slower and softer tone. And you’d prob experience a strange yet vivid dream in the moment. He’s got an ambient and nostalgic feel to his presence that’s hard to explain and melancholy yet oddly calming.

Oh also he still practices Orthodox Christianity besides being an atheist on the most part and not even following any religion or religious rules or moral code bc it’s what he was raised doing with his mom and he feels like it’s what she would’ve wanted lmfaooo I guess it’s for nostalgia’s sake and paying respects to her. Maybe he’s an atheist. Idk. Perhaps his philosophical ideals and stuff he’s learned influences his view on general spirituality and religion so in a way he feels like in the end all gods are all to reach a similar point and intention and are an outer extension/projection of our own subconscious beings and are vessels of hope and focal points for moral code and explanations for the world around us. Or maybe he just views them as beings created to give people’s lives purpose. Or he believes all things at once. Who knows what goes on in his mind.

As for his narcolepsy, his mom may have assumed at first that he was the type of child to nap a lot or that he was lazy, but over time she’d realize something is probably up and would recognize that he wouldn’t be able to help it most of the time and that he actually isn’t the lazy type and works hard when he can. She’d get called by teachers often yelling about his tendency of zoning out and sleeping in class and she’d just respond with “Oh yeah? Well maybe your class isn’t interesting enough if he’s always falling asleep in it!”

So yeah. A load of his life was built around her from the start, and he relied on her for a lot, I mean she’s his mom and all too and the only closer(?) family member in his life given that he’s an only child and has no father. The sudden change of her leaving completely threw his life off course so for years he’s been in some sort of endless state of limbo where he’s both apathetic both saddened yet he might not make it so obvious when around others. He just appears quiet, apathetic and carefree for the most part.

[dollgxtz]

Hi everyone just hopping on here quickly to remind yall that if you feel like dropping His Watchful Eye for any reason please do so!! It’s a very intense story, and I know despite my warnings people will read anyways but I really do want to emphasize putting yourself and your mental health first!!!

No, it won’t upset me! Everyone has their limits, everyone has their own opinions on how the story should go! And that’s okay. If you’re simply upset with how the story is going and want to drop it I would never hold that against anyone. 🤍

The only reason I even bring this up is because of some of the DMs and asks I’ve been getting. I have gotten ppl telling me to hurt myself over this. They’re very upsetting. I’m sorry if you feel like this story is not going the way you’d like but I have been very forward on my opinions on Yandere!Sylus. I don’t hate him but I don’t expect anyone else to like him, it’s okay, that’s the beauty of fiction. Everyone interprets it their own way!

I don’t want to have to keep justifying why I wrote Sylus the way I did. No, a lot of his actions are not canon and it’s my own choice to make him that way. It’s fanfiction and dark romance. Please respect my choices as the author or stop reading 😞

Please don’t come in my DMs/asks and insult me just because you feel a certain way. In fact, I encourage you guys to write your own versions of the characters if you’d like! I’d love to read them! I’m very sensitive and don’t want to have to drop the story altogether, but I will if it’s hurting my own mental health.

This isn’t to say you can’t come to me with criticism! I love constructive criticism and feedback but insulting me is not constructive at all.

Ty for your continued support and love, stay safe!

-Umi ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

[possibilistfanfiction]

Genuine question, how did you figure out or realize the whole being butch thing? What does being butch mean to you?

idk if it was like… figure out? more so just putting a name to something i’ve always felt or known about myself. i came out as a lesbian, then i came out as nb, then i was like well i want gender affirming care so that must mean i am Trans™️, & it’s like… none of those words or kind of… vibes (lol sorry) quite fit? i don’t feel like a cis lesbian, & i actually kind of despise non-binary as a concept (don’t send asks abt this i won’t answer them lol, do ur own thing if u love it that’s cool); i think for me personally Transness is a little too serious & intense & limiting to how i feel. & im a white afab person in a smaller body, & honestly…….. we are often the wooooorst demographic of trans ppl lmao so i just didn’t even rly like some spaces i was in. i got the most important gender affirming care i wanted, i moved & i got married, i got to work remotely etc

& so just sitting with all of that it was like. ok well a lot of neoliberal queer spaces piss me the fuck off; i’m not cis, but i’m not TRANS in the way a lot of ppl (very validly) feel; i do Not like nb. i’d read stone butch blues before, i have a degree in critical theory where i worked a loooot w queer theory, obviously i’ve written abt queerness for ages lol. so then i was just like ah. butch. dyke. YAH! sweet. 100/10 feels amazing i love it

& i think for me i love those words most bc they’re rooted in really radical belief that i have. they carry an ethic with them that, at its best & most intersectional ofc, i want to act on, all the time. i want to show up for people & be protective & tough & strong but i also so deeply want to be nurturing & nourishing. i want to allow myself to be nourished & cared for. i think it feels rly wonderful to have a word for transgressive gender that sums it all up bc people lived it before me. they made that very specific & particular space to experience femininity in a way that doesn’t feel like a noose.

i think also butchness is so expansive! something that never sat right w me abt the way we talk abt transness in the west is that i don’t think there are ‘pre’ & ‘post’ transition selves. like… i’ve never been Not Me? like i came out of the womb a dyke. all i did my entire childhood is run around in the mountains, catalogue leaves, play w my dog, read nancy drew, & avidly watch + play any women’s soccer i could. i loved to fish & mountain bike, i grew up in the desert so gardening to me was a miracle. i never cared abt gender at all beyond like ‘well i guess i’m a girl & the women i admire just won a world cup, they’re badass’ & that was it. i liked boys clothes bc they were practical & felt better, but i just. didn’t think about it. ppl called me a tomboy which was fine, i liked scout in to kill a mockingbird so whatever. but i never felt “non-binary” & i certainly never felt like a boy.

& i am… still just like that lmao. i hated my boobs, point blank day 1 lol, but that doesn’t have to mean i’m trans, or that i’ve somehow changed in a way that requires separation from who i’ve been my whole life. i HATE the language of ‘dead/lived’ name; i hate the weird expectation that u should allow the state to have all of ur gender stuff on record (no fucking thank you, y’all can keep my legal name & i will be flying under the radar lol). so i think western transness rly just. irritates me. doesn’t fit. hasn’t ever fit.

so butchness is like. i am 8 year old jude, i’m just older now. if this makes sense ur butch lmao but. it’s this rly free space to play w masculinity in a way that doesn’t necessitate western transness, & also doesn’t necessitate a separation from maternalism, which i fundamentally believe in. i don’t even rly think of my own care as “gender affirming” & more just like… essence affirming. i didn’t want top surgery so my body could be read as male; i wanted it so i could look like me. i want my clothes to feel & fit in a Very particular way bc that’s how i like them. it’s abt practicality, efficiency, comfort.

& lastly to me butchness has a remarkable space for tenderness that masculinity on its own just cannot hold. like. it’s abt being protective & strong, sure, but it’s in service of others. always always always. so sometimes that looks like communicating calmly, sometimes that looks like infinite small acts of service for ur friends or ur partner. when i think of settling into myself it’s more about returning to who i knew i was when i was a kid, when i was the only person my dog liked & how it felt to sit on the swings when the sun was setting after the monsoon; it’s allowing myself to love like that — caring, & quiet, & full.

ultimately to me butchness is about devotion, more than anything in the world. devoted to safety, devoted to community. no one is devoted the way dykes are bc it’s how we survive. it’s how we have always survived — the steadfastness, the faith, the joy, even thru suffering, to not be boxed in. to help each other. to be funny & kind & thoughtful & not reject the absolute best parts of womanhood for the sake of a western box. to demand care. it’s so beautiful. devotion.

tldr it’s the best

[winwintea]

i don't understand the wayv drama can you explain to me please 😭🙏

okay anon here’s the tea

(if any other anons wanna add some info feel free to add anything!)

let’s start from the beginning. cause i’ve seen ppl be like “who tf is prism”

after big guy lee sooman left sm bc hybe kinda bought some shares of sm from him idk wtf happened with that it was lowkey crazy but

SM CAME OUT WITH THIS NEW PLAN! called sm 3.0. you can read more about it on wikipedia. but the general gist was that now these groups were gonna be managed by production centers

there are 5 production centers

as you can see wayv’s production center isn’t the same as nct!!! neo production couldn’t handle all the groups so they had to choose between wish or wayv and they choose to keep wish!!

so wayv migrated to prism center which is what we’ll be referring to when talking about “prism”

after losing taemin and Onew, prism went from expecting to put out min 4 albums per year (Shinee, Key, Onew, and Taemin) to 1 in 2024 (Key) + no shinee album last year. idk wtf minho was doing

so wayv gets more attention now yay !!!!! this should be good right?

yes and no!

we don’t actually know, but many fans believe that prism is biased towards specific members, and has been changing up their music style.

on my youth i think was released when they were with prism (?) but the thing is on my youth had songs recorded back from like…. 2020 😐 so obviously it still included wayv’s older style (moonlight i think was recorded back in 2020 or something)

give me that, go higher, and frequency were all dropped under prism… which is why their music style has seemed different.

fans like myself have started to critique this change saying that it’s not my style or cup of tea.

unfortunately some wayzennies believe that if we hate music then we also hate the group. which is toxic bullshit like. can we not have personal taste

unfortunately i have gotten death threats from them (yipee) which is fun and people say i hate wayv (they were my top artist) so it’s really fun to see everyone lose it over my critique.

haven’t been keeping up with group members specifically so maybe you can check out some previous asks for that.

BUT THE WHOLE DRAMA IS REALLY JUST prism vs wayzennies and wayzennies vs wayzennies.

also winwin absence i should mention i should say those toxic wayzennies told him to kill himself so like this fandom is so fucked 😐

[rollercoasterwords]

I have been going thru canon compliant wolfstar fics oldest to newest (like back to og wolfstar of the early 00) bc I’m a masochist 😋 🤞 and I’ve definitely noticed the shift in the way the majority of writers tag their fics. It’s interesting to see how much more frequently ppl use tags to begin with. Writers already make the conscious decision to warn ppl throughly about what it’s in their fics thru tags, and i honestly don’t think people should ever need to add need tw beyond tags sorry not sorry. I certainly don’t think everyone will agree with me, but sometimes I don’t want to know ever major plot point that in a chapter (which is why I usually skip them, but it’s hard bc I love reading the authors notes) Just read the tags, test it out if needed, and dip if it’s too much 🫠

yeahhhhh whenever i read older fics there really aren't like. warnings on each ch. bc tags are just assumed to be sufficient. which makes sense to me!!

and like i'm sympathetic to people who want tws--i'm someone who frequently spoils shit for myself bc i wanna know what happens, especially with like horror movies and stuff where i wanna know if i can stomach it. but it's about taking responsibility for ur own reading experience, y'know? like if i'm reading a fic and it gets to be too much for me, i just...stop reading. and accept the fact that the fic is not for me.

and from a writer perspective, it's like....on my longer fics i've tried to give a heads-up in ch notes, bc when i entered the fandom i got the impression that was the norm. but doing that takes extra time and work, and i don't always know what someone might find triggering. and like, if people reach out politely and ask me to add a tw for something that didn't occur to me, i'm usually happy to do so!

but like. idk man. when i was writing this cowboy fic i was just like....i do not feel like combing back through these chapters and trying to add in-depth warnings on every ch in addition to what i've already put in the tags lol. and now i'm writing a zombie fic, and even though i've tagged it for like gore and violence and blood and injury and it is literally a zombie apocalypse au, i still feel this sense of pressure to put notes at the beginning of chs, because so many people seem to just expect that!

anyway it's up to every writer individually to decide how many warnings they wanna put on a fic, but i definitely do wish that there was a way to like....backtrack to a time when the norm was gratitude for the fact that fics on ao3 even have tags in the first place + a sense that everyone is responsible for their own reading experience, rather than this sense of entitlement some people seem to have where they expect detailed warnings on every single ch :/

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HELLO!!! gosh im so bad at using tumblr aside from reblogging so this has been a long time coming but i came to say U R A POET!! i found your acc when u had like 2 ? fics out and i remember reading “if i fell through the floor i would keep falling” when it had 90 notes and feeling like someone had put their hand in my chest and ripped my heart out…. i was so confused how it didnt have 100000000 notes?!?! i am still confused now. it’s some of the most beautiful writing ive read (& i don’t even really read for geto so it was such a random find but i am so grateful). my favorite line was “he figures he can give you this one thing, at least.” there are so many heartbreaking ones in that piece but this one was especially so. it’s crazy to me how well you painted the scenes, it really felt like i could visually See every moment.

anyways, i rediscovered your account a few days ago thanks to “i can’t close my eyes alone” and i am BUZZING with excitement at how large your masterlist is (seeing many hurt/comfort fics and u absolutely KILL at that genre omg) i cant emphasize enough how excited i am to tear through it!!!! no way i get any sleep tonight. also sleeping in a bathtub is so horribly senseless that i relate deeply. i would also make a decision like that in anger and commit to it. my favorite line from that work is “sincerity and honesty are things that have been used against him all his life” 💔💔

please expect another longwinded message once i get through all your new works!! thank you for sharing your art

- duzhee

HI HELLO!!!!!!! god i KNEW your user sounded familiar……. i was like ”duzhee hmmm where have i heard that before … 🤨🤨” i think u were the first person who rbed that fic w tags actually, it made me so happy 🥺🥺 i still have a screenshot of it saved in my lil motivational folder <333

im so happy u found ur way back here, u have no idea!!!!! and gosh literally everything u said is so so sweet and thoughtful im tearing up T_T that geto fic still has a v special place in my heart, so i cant tell u how glad i am that u enjoyed it!! especially since u dont read geto often like thats such a huge accomplishment to me….. aaa u even mentioned ur fave line!! its my favorite thing to hear ever 🥺🥺

and the gojo fic!!! im so happy u liked that too!!! im super duper weak for hurt/comfort so its so flattering to me that u think i write it well?!??? u r so so sweet. tysm again for mentioning ur fave line it gives me like … an outrageous amount of happiness when ppl do 😭😭😭 

AND HONESTLY DUZHEE… the only reason i made reader sleep in a bathtub is bc i wanna do it myself so bad LMAO i love sleeping in unconventional places like i love nothing else <333 

ah and and and !!! honestly having someone call my writing ”poetic” is just ……. The most flattering thing ever???? u r genuinely such an angel, tysm for taking the time to write this out 🥺🥺 it made my morning!!!! i am EAGERLY looking forward to another longwinded message from u <3333

[sunlightandsuffering]

tbh when i saw the notes there will be no sex i was quite disappointed!!! cus i was expecting it 😂 but as i read through it, i started to enjoy it more & more, so what if they don’t have sex?? it’s still enjoyable & entertaining!! in fact, i love them during this pre sex phase 🥰 so silly & messy, as expected from switch eremika!! I LUV THEM SO MUCH!

for the smut scene, i personally think this chapter bring out the new side of u I WAS LIKE YASS LYS WE NEED THIS . because your smut style before was a bit repetitive (for me) but this chapter,, i can feel u put so much effort 🥲🥲 & u improve day by day im super proud!! ❤️❤️ THANK U FOR WRITING THIS

omg im glad i dont want ppl to be unfulfilled reading it!! I always feel bad im like THEY STILL HAVEN'T DONE IT, THATS WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR BOOO!!!! but honestly i'm having a lot of fun writing the rest of it, besides phone sex obviously that was a struggle lmfao

BUT YES SEE THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY SMUT I GET TIRED OF IT, IM LIKE FUCK OFF THIS IS SO BORING!!! that's why i hate writing smut lately I always feel its so generic. I think especially with MMDS for a while i was like wtf how do i spice this up, every fucking time it was me forcing myself to write smut 😭😭so in a way switch is good! and also my dark fic blog its like stretching my smut muscles, adding some more spice!!! I feel u tho i get bored with most smut these days u have to be really interesting for it to work me up lol!! IM SO HAPPY IT MIXED IT UP FOR U THO!!! IM THRILLED!! GOT ME OUT OF MY BOX!! THANK U 🤧🤧 y'all feel like my mom ur like, great job lys, pat on the back proud of u, except its about writing smut lmfao ily anon 💗💗💗

[paperconsumption]

plane thoughts no.2:

ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (never plays songs on repeat and has scared herself)

find it hilarious that they remind ppl to take off face masks before putting on safety masks in the event of an emergency. who the hell forgot to do that

angels before man is killing me ever so slightly bc i thought lucifer’s fall would happen sooner but we’re spending a lot more time as an angel than i expected. i do enjoy the dinosaurs though

oh and also i want to fight michael i woukd defeat that gay angel with ease

also also there r whole pages devoted to lucifer leading worship sessions i am so so sorry but every single one of them is a skip almost as much of a skip as the dream sex scene was

not saying i dislike the book bc i quite like it. but. you know

oh my god i forgot i had a note dedicated to moby dick quotes i like i need to fling myself out of this plane right now

this is why i don’t go on my notes app

might read moby dick some more and add more quotes to the list. it has good quotes

oooh ooooooh also in here is my people who should voice audiobooks list. it’s very good

some examples:

- hatsune miku

- invader zim

- corpsehusband

- lin manuel miranda

- my sister doing her marge simpson impression

- ash ketchum

i just opened tumblr and got confused why nothing would load. airplane mode idiot

there’s a. a list of graduation cords that are possible to earn from around when i graduated hs. because my mom thinks they’re cool and told me to get lots for college graduation

i have an old friends phone password saved in here from 2017 do we think it still works

gonna take a lil nappy right now

ohhh my seat is right by the wing and i got some cool plane shots. omgg omg

my water bottle wouldn’t twist open and for one terrifying moment i thought it was open and all my stuff in my bag had gotten soaked. but nope ! it was just stuck

en. enstars…enstars locked tomb a-(i get shot and killed)

cabinet man is so good!

the crane wives are so good!

i wish i could go home instead of school. alas

sooooo so sleepy right now

i wanna write something but writing in my notes app is not fun i don’t enjoy it

FUCKKKK why did they turn on the lights were not even landing yet

there r some rlly random songs on this playlist what was i thinking nine days ago

through the window reflection i can see someone in front of me pull up spotify. they play ed sheeran

yknow i was really banking on this flight having outlets bc i could charge my phone in the way over but now we don’t and my phones totally gonna die on the 2 hour bus drive after landing. maybe the bus will have outlets actually

left my hotel room at 10am it’s been almost 12 hours curse these layovers

flying makes my head hurt

[dredgen-dumbass]

Redo of my pinned post, again, because I'm indecisive.

At a glance:

No screen name, he/him. Predominantly SFW blog, tws follow the normal content of Destiny 2. I swear like a sailor. Not the type for dni lists, just don't be a bigot. Asks are open to all. I don't mind mass likes/reblogs, and dw about derailing. The rest is under the cut.

rp blogs welcome to interact, considering making one myself

Message from yours truly,

I genuinely thought I was going to just spam Drifter content for a few days, and then go delete Tumblr again once my brain calmed down about it. As it turns out, that isn't happening. I like the community here so far, which isn't something I've been able to say about Tumblr for some time now, and it seems like I'm going to stick around a while longer. That, and I thought I was just fixated on the one character, but Destiny itself is becoming a pretty big interest of mine, and I know I'll need somewhere to talk about it, so this is going to shift more towards that. I'm going to try to be a bit more cautious with tags so I'm not filling them with every Destiny related through that crosses into my brain, so I'm going to set up an (albeit shoddy) tagging system and be a bit more conservative with what gets put in the main D2 tag. Apologies if I flooded anything you follow, I'm used to posting in a much larger fandom where things get buried really quick, I didn't realize how bad it was until I tried to go through those tags myself, and... eesh. (it’s been a few months, but I’m leaving this here. iykyk.)

So, me.

I know it's Tumblr culture to put every last detail in your bio, but personally I'm not comfortable with that. If you need more than I give, then just click off and move on. I understand wanting some idea of who you're talking to, but I think the things that matter will come up naturally through my posts. What I do think should be clarified, just as a matter of perspective with all the queer stuff in this fandom, is that I'm a gay dude. Other than that, I don't think any labels are relevant to this account. If something else becomes relevant, feel free to ask for clarification, I understand that some things read differently depending on who's saying them. Otherwise, respect my privacy, thanks.

side note that I’m throwing on here late, my memory is shit, if I send you duplicate asks etc. I’m sorry. it shouldn’t really matter elsewhere bc wonderful and terrible thing of the internet is that all it is logged— but I digress.

Fandom chaos & such,

I want to keep discourse away from my blog, both fandom and real-world. Especially real-world, because Destiny is an escape for me, and I want to keep this as a separate space I've carved for myself, in the same way as the game is for me. That said, bigots can fuck off to all hell. Y'all aren’t welcome here just because I'm not interacting with the arguments. This is a safe space for everyone, provided you don’t make it unsafe for anyone else.

sm love for the ppl here theatre passionate abt d2 like I am. y’all are great, keep posting

Destiny stuff,

I'm a casual player, have been going for about 3 years now. I'm a solar titan main. Dredgen, not masochistic enough to have it gilded (I can’t spell shh)

My favorite character is drifter, woah big shocker. I'm still learning the game lore and such, so at the moment he's the only character I've actually gone in-depth reading about.

My other favorites are saint-14, saladin, shaxx, osiris, eido, holiday, and ofc ghost.

Expect my posts to mostly be about them.

This isn't a ship blog, though I may reblog ship content occasionally. I don't have any I particularly care for, aside from O14, but to me they're different because it's canon. Again, asks are open if you want to hear me talk about a specific ship.

I have been asked specifically about drifteris because I post sm about Drifter, and no I'm not a drifteris shipper. I read their relationship as platonic, and if I post about both of 'em it's not a shipping thing. I'm glad the ship brings more attention to the characters, though.

Fanart & fics,

I'll be honest, I've written a few short pieces of my yw. I don't plan on posting them, and even if I do I'm not sure that I'll connect them to this blog in any way. that's a question for future me, whether that's tomorrow or years from now.

updating this bc I’ve been doing more lately— you can repost my fanart, just credit and tell me. I would prefer it stay on tumblr tho for ai protection purposes, though.

I don't sit and vet all every account I reblog, so if I reblog something stolen or just uncredited let me know and I'll tag the artist.

If you have m/m or m/neutral (or just platonic) fic recommendations feel free to send em over. Gotta have something to keep me occupied.

Tagging system?

I've never made one of these before. I don't think I have the time to go through all of my previous posts and set them up with this, but from now on the structure will be:

#dredgenposting - all of my destiny-related rambling, because I don't want to fill the destiny 2 tag with my post spam.

#reblogs

#mild nsft - probably just sex jokes

#nsft - probably won't be used, but leaving it here in case it is so that I'm not coming back again to edit this

#discourse - not sure how much this will be used, but I'm bound to have a public opinion on something eventually

#my fanart - my own fanart

#asks

if there's something you'd like tagged to filter in/out while looking through my blog, lmk. chances are I'm fine with incorporating it.

and that's it. thanks for reading, live long and prosper y'all.

[frabooks]

Recensioni pazzerelle

Delitto e castigo

Writing this was a crime and reading it was a punishment.

Instead of reading this book, drink vodka in a dark room and think depressing thoughts. That will give you about the same experience and you'll have a better time.

I read the first 100 pages and found myself thinking at several rambling points, "my god I don't give a fuck."

I felt like I should have liked it, but just couldn't.

Life is short, don’t read this lol

Initially I gave this book two stars, but on reflection, I'm deducting one.

Oblomov

Incredibly boring. >100 pages about a man who can't get up >100 pages about his boring dream of happiness where nothing happens >100 pages about him being shaken a little bit by a woman >100 pages about him being afraid of what ppl would say > 100 pages about him falling in love with a nice and considerate housewife who moves her elbows all the time >100 pages about his friend and "ex-gf" being in love and wondering how that old damn Oblomov can be saved

I had to read this in my 19th Century Russian lit course in college. This is another "shoot me now, PLEASE" books.

Very slow and depressing, a good reminder of a lifestyle one should Not lead.

Il Maestro e Margherita

The Chicago Tribune wrote: “The book is by turns hilarious, mysterious, contemplative and poignant, and everywhere full of rich descriptive passages.” Hilarious and contemplative my ass, CT. This book is an interminable slog.

I understand this book is a classic. I guess any leaden, murky, plotless book can be a classic, and this is a great example of that.

I started reading this book when I was in a very bad place. Finishing this made me realise if I can survive this painfully long and tortuous piece of literature, I can do anything.

I would gladly sell my soul to Woland if he promised to erase this book from my memory!

I never review anything. Why should you care about my opinion? However, what was most disappointing to me was that this book kept appearing on multiple lists of things I might enjoy based on things I've enjoyed in the past. I expected the internet to be right, and I'm angry that it failed me.

Whoever told me The Master and Margarita is Russia's greatest literary work should be sent to Siberia.

The author died before he could finish it. I’m sure that’s why it was so…incomprehensible …

Notre Dame de Paris

i would rather have had someone shoot me in the head with a nail gun, repeatedly, than have to read this again

I was not expecting this... I am almost lost for words - unlike HUGO of course who seemed to have words coming out of his ears..boy did this guy ramble on.

What a horror of a novel! A plot that a gargoyle would have trouble swallowing, a lecherous priest, an abysmally stupid young woman, and the hunchback who loves her but but whose misunderstandings lead indirectly to her death, and all written in the sort of dreadful Gothic style I have trouble tolerating for one chapter, much less 560 pages.

Il Signore degli Anelli

Save time... watch the movies.

can be summarised as: walking, walking, walking, bit of fighting with orcs, walking, walking, walking, anguish, walking, walking, walking, bit more fighting with orcs, walking, walking, walking.

i am tempted to go out and buy a wobbly table just so I can put this book to good use.

Based on the hit movies of the same name! The author of these novelizations took way too many liberties with the story line.

The lord of the rings wasn't even really IN this book, it was about short people who could barely manage rings at all. One star.

This book is boring, insufferable from the very first page. Those hobbits took like 100 or 120 pages to go out of their homes, cross the garden and go inside the forest. Leaving a village of 30 people took them like seven human years. Close the book to never open it again. And don't watch the movie either, it's even worst.

Se questo è un uomo

ok mi dispiace della tragedia che c’è dietro a questo libro ma è leggermente ripetitivo

noia

I fratelli Karamazov

Let me save you 900 pages and untold man hours: rich Russian asshole family members drink, yell, whore, steal one another's mates, murder, more screaming, philosophizing, more screaming, no subtlety to anything, all conversation between characters so over-the-top and full of passion as to be unrelatable. This was probably one of the biggest, most drawn-out yawns I have ever committed my time to.

Shame on you Mr Dostoyevsky.

This book was torture from start to finish. I forced myself to finish it only because I very quickly decided I would not be beaten by this pile of crap.

So that was 34 hours of my life that I can’t get back.

literally traumatizing. not a slay. nobody told dostoevsky to shut the fuck up and it shows

Memorie dal sottosuolo

They should’ve left it in Russian only

“So it is hardly literature so much as a corrective punishment” A punishment for us both Dostoyevsky.

An angry book about an angry man written for angry men. Whatever this genre of book is, I hope I never read anything like it again.

If you are suffering from a toothache or just got your wisdom teeth out, read chapter 4 of notes from underground. Or maybe don’t, it will only make you feel worse.

[aizenat]

Every time I read or watch Korean media, people are so rude to each other in a way that makes me wonder if that’s realistic. I don’t think Americans are particularly polite tho we do have our pleasantries. You treat people kindly and you can often expect it back. It’s just being a decent human to those around us. I don’t get ppl who think Americans are too polite or too friendly or whatever.

But then I see Korean netizens have meltdowns if they feel like this idol didn’t address their seniors properly or didn’t bow deep enough or something, but then people are so rude and harsh in their shows and books and I’m like “are Koreans actually like this?” Like what is the truth? I see so many scenes where characters will just publicly talk down to someone, like putting them down in a fucked up way and it seems so wrong. And like it’ll be portrayed as a shitty person but no one ever speaks up like “hey lay off you’re out of pocket.”

Maybe that’s the American in me? If I see someone being treated poorly I can’t help but speak up. That’s why I’d get in trouble with kids a lot when I was young because I’d always call ppl out for treating someone poorly. If I see someone berating someone in public I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from saying something. But that also doesn’t happen a lot because Americans know it’s rude and bothersome to do that sort of thing in public and only really narcissistic assholes would do that in public.

Idk this stuff makes me wonder just how Koreans really act. I feel like it’s hard to gauge cultural tendencies from Korean shows that I don’t feel when I watch shows from other countries.

[freshwitchgladiator]

tag venting time i guess

[humbugg]

soooo who wants to move away to a foreign country and adopt a dog with me 👀

[evvlevie]

☎️ I ALMOST SHIFTED AFTER NOT TRYING FOR OVER 2 MONTHS. ☎️

[i swear, it’s always me this stuff happens to..]

~~~

HOW I .. ALMOST SHIFTED!! (storytime)

~~~

bet you weren’t expecting another crazy spiritual event to happen to me, were you? well, here i am! back again with another story of something insane.. anyway, let’s start this story off with background. recently, i’ve been a bit lacking in the trying-to-shift department. i’ve been reading up on a lot of shifting stories, methods, etc, but barely actually tried to shift myself. .. well, less of my own choice and more of the universes choice LOL, been constantly having shifting stuff thrown at my face. but, anyway, i’ve been busy working on my OR life, so it’s been hard for me to think of shifting at all (aside from the stuff the universe has been throwing at me). however, around 2 days ago i attempted to shift for the first time in over 2 months, as the title states. here’s how it went!

it was late for me and i was really tired, as i only decided to shift right before i went to sleep, so me attempting to shift.. wasn’t exactly me trying my best. i think that might’ve played a part in it, though. but anyway, i started off with me getting into a comfortable position, closing my eyes, and then affirming. it wasn’t any complicated affirmations, as i like to stick to what i’ve seen ppl call ‘the basics’ (i have shifted’, ‘i am in my dr’, ‘i am not chained to one reality’, etc.) bcz that’s what works for me. i affirmed for a bit, and then began to mix in visualizing (me waking up in my dr). i then began to feel symptoms. not crazy, symptoms, but still symptoms. i was starting to feel a symptom of mine that happens when i’m in the middle/beginning of shifting, my limbs going numb. i like to think of it as the process of me being transferred to my OR body, yk yk. i then began to use the technique of letting your mind wander off, but inside your DR instead of your OR (basically instead of thinking “i have a math test tmrw”, if you are shifting to hogwarts or something you would think “i have a magic test tmrw”). this began to increase the symptom of my limbs going numb, as i had stopped being able to feel my legs, and a huge part of both my arms. i tried to ignore this cause yk, ignore the symptoms and stuff, but eventually my mind got bored and trailed off.

as i said, it was really late for me and i was really tired, so my focus wasn’t entirely on shifting. my mind had began to wander, and i don’t even remember what i was thinking about but it definitely was not shifting. i almost completely forgot i was supposed to be shifting in the first place, actually. i eventually snapped out of it, and i thought to myself “oh shit, im supposed to be shifting.” and then resumed lazily affirming. this is when stuff begun to get crazy. i was still really really out of it after i snapped myself out of that dream-like state i was in, but i was still thinking of shifting and affirming and stuff. i wasn’t putting in a lot of effort and was barely thinking at all. nothing new was happening, until i felt a jolt of energy be shot through me. i don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden all of my mind just woke up at once, and began seeing things. i am not entirely sure how to describe what i saw.. but i’ll try my best. it was like i was cycling through lights, or maybe even universes. i saw lights flashing and then disappearing, as if i was being pulled through a plethora of universes. the only two colours i could see were purple and white, and they kept flashing over and over. and.. you will probably think i’m crazy but, i swear i remember the very VERY distinct feeling of my consciousness being pulled from my body. i’m not sure how else to describe it, but it was like i was literally being pulled away from my OR. all of a sudden, excitement and energy flashed through me and it set in i was going to shift. it set in i was finally going to do it. it was happening, and it was all happening now! nothing could ruin this! i’m doing it, i’m doing it!- ..

…. and then i fell asleep. no joke, i literally passed out while in the process of being pulled through multiple universes. i woke up the next day in my OR, and i haven’t been able to shake the feeling of being tired since. sucks ass, i know, but i’m going to try again soon! the whole experience was CRAZY and i don’t even know how to begin to describe what it felt like. the jolt of energy i got was so sudden, i was literally on the verge of sleeping and then all of i sudden i felt like something just grabbed me and i was immediately pulled away from all feelings of tiredness. also, i would go through the process of how i did it and stuff, but as i said i haven’t been able to shake the feeling of being tired since, so i don’t even want to begin to try SHDGDGD

i hope this storytime was fun though!! going to try again another time, hopefully soon if i can muster up the motivation LMAOO.. anyway, byebye everyone!! :))

-☎️ anon <3

Omg this is such a great Storytime and I can definitely relate to it, and I know what feeling you are describing!!!

I am so so so happy for you that you got this far, keep it going and keep us updated!!!

Love you! 🫶🏻❤️

[silkgonerough]

Astrology Observation/rants? #1

❤️I’ve noticed that people who have venus unaspected in their chart are incredibly attractive idk why???

👸Moon trine/conjunct venus is such a nice placement to have in regards to people in general but especially to the opposite sex. I feel like ppl tend to treat you more gently and kindly bc of it’s feminine energy. It gives a prince/princess charm to the natives mannerisms bc they’re so kind and warm! Men with this placement are kind of babied and seen in higher regards by women (especially older women!!) and the women are kind of protected and nurtured through men. This also goes both ways where women with this placement probably have amazing relationships with other women and the guys are that one friend who has a lowkey bromance with all of his friends lol,, It’s rlly hard to see these ppl in a malefic or fearful light.

🙎‍♀️Moon in Scorpio females have eyes that can pierce through your soul

💆Men with Aquarius venus and Capricorn Mars are top tier

👄Women with Scorpio venus are usually very pretty and sexy and known for their sex appeal if famous

💅Capricorn + gemini venus or rising women are really pretty and make great models

👯‍♀️Lilith in eighth house is considered a sex symbol placement (Brigitte Bardot, Elvis Presley, Angelina Jolie, Sophia Loren)

🤔I would say gemini and virgo risings are the hardest signs to identify because of their mercurial rulership and mutability unlike Pisces and Sagittarius where there are clear distinctions in facial features and physique because of the Jupiter/Neptune affect (long legs, round faces, prominent forehead and eyes) gemini and virgo can easily be dominated by other planets in contact with the ascendant or first house but both signs give someone a very youthful doll like glow

🧠People tend to shit on hard Saturn contacts but I find that with time they usually evolve beautifully and the aspect can become a huge benefic but only with hard work. Saturn is the only planet that rewards for perseverance and patience but it’s always worth it

🥰Leo and Virgo’s are actually really similar in what they expect from themselves and others. They both just want to be appreciated and considered important to those around them.

👩‍🦳No matter what signs are involved sun conjunct venus always has a very feminine and pleasent face usually with a prominent forehead,, they’re also rlly well captured in photographs!

🤳Mars square Neptune probably had a period where they may have read a lot of dirty fanficton or fantasized about weird concepts sexually

🌝Leo moons are WAY more of attention seekers then leo suns im sorry but it’s like their emotional well-being depends on the amount of attention they get whereas Leo suns don’t necessarily ask for it bc they just attract it naturally with their aura (this isn’t every leo moon ofc just the ones I’ve observed)

🤦‍♂️I think Virgo suns are more critical of those around them and how that affects who they are whereas Virgo moons tend to be more critical of themselves and how their actions affect their surroundings

🦵I’ve noticed Mars in the 1st house females are usually rlly toned and skinny with long legs

💃Mars in Virgo is known as being prudish or like a not sexy placement of Mars and I rlly beg to differ, I swear every person that the general public’s been obsessed with when it comes to being hot has this (Dylan O brien, Austin Butler, Idris Alba, Blake Lively, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Felton, Ariana grande, Johnny depp, Britney Spears?!! there’s so many more u guys need to get on this)

🥴Aries moons are all about talking the talk but I swear half the time are not walking the walk and when they do they’ve talked shit to about 6 ppl already and waited for like a week before telling u how they feel

🤡Pisces moons (myself being one) can be so fucking stupid when it comes to liking someone I swear. We tend to make excuses for them and cling to whatever image we’ve set up in our head on who they are. Once evolved though it’s way easier for us to see ppl for who they are off the bat without going through the emotional distress!

😒I can confirm that we attract whatever signs in our eighth house mines in Aries and I swear to god not a year has gone by where an Aries man hasn’t infiltrated my life

👗people who have venus in the second house are the definition of quality over quantity!! always dressed so well with the cutest jewelry. They’re style carries libra energy :)

🥺Aries sun men are some of the most sensitive ppl I’ve ever met!! I didn’t realize it at first but they’re rlly soft and uwu. I don’t know how to explain it but think of Eren from AOT or Natsu from Fairy Tail! They’re kind of like a cheeky kid you want to protect at all costs

🤝I think a lot of square aspects can work in your favor if there’s a specific trine or conjunct aspect that’s energy can balance it out once activated if that makes sense ? Like for example I have venus square neptune and I used to put myself in alot of unnecessary painful situation bc I had a problem with deluding myself when it came to liking someone. Yet I was always aware that the person was not right for me or the situation was toxic bc of my sun conjunct pluto. The Sun/Pluto aspect has kind of forced me to be more aware of the venus/neptune affect and I’ve grown a lot stronger through those painful plutonic experiences in love and I can see through other people’s intentions for what they are with ease. I think that sun/pluto helped cancel out my delusion by making me go through a lot of intense experiences to finally understand what I was doing and see things for what they were.

🧛🏽‍♀️Going off of that I don’t care what anyone else says I LOVE MY PLUTO ASPECTS and trust me their pretty shitty (sun conjunct pluto, moon square pluto, pluto square asc). I’ve been put into some rlly crazy situations for only being 18 but I can go into the world with a lot more awareness of who I am and the people around me. I like the intensity they bring and the forcefulness of change in my habits and life. Pluto has made me a rlly strong person in terms of persevering through life and it’s challenges. I thank pluto for that.

👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏼👨🏾‍🤝‍👨🏻👩🏿‍🤝‍👩🏼I think one of my favorite placements I have that is also super favorable in others is Jupiter in the 11th house! This may seem kind of random but the amount of opportunities and cool experiences I’ve been given through my friends and social circles is something I’m soo thankful for🙏 Friendship and just being a friendly person in general is something I’ve always found luck and happiness in and it’s so rewarding to have so many ppl like and support u for who u are! Making friends with ppl online and making friends from friends is super easy with this placement as well💞

[claudia-kishi]

so i wrote a thread on twitter about bsc s2 but i will put them here if you care to read my thoughts under the cut or you can read them here: https://twitter.com/goldenlysithea/status/1448138684352499720 :)

kristy was honestly. better than s1. she has grown, and a lot of the things i disliked about her in s1 were not present in s2. her and watson's relationship progression was so great to see, and i def cried at the end of the s2 finale.

mary anne has GROWN. like... it's truly wild how different she is from s1 to now. but in the best way possible. she is still adorable and awkward but more confident in herself and even navigated through her first "we need to talk?!" part of a relationship. mary anne and her dad also.................. their relationship progressing more and him being okay with her DATING with the prepared note card speech was so great. i love them.

dawn. dawn dawn dawn. how i adore you. kyndra did an amazing job stepping into this role. i will always miss xochitl, but kyndra did perfectly. and having her be Not Straight is probably the greatest thing!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this season she finally got to have an episode where she breaks down because let's face it nobody is perfect and things that bother you over time eventually cause you to explode... (relatable) so her episode was so necessary and i adore her and i think how her and mary anne got through their first "fight" as almost sisters was rather mature of them and they are so so so so so good. honestly probs my fave friendship amongst the whole group. esp w/ the foundation from s1.

jessi was honestly a surprise for me since i wasn't really sure what to expect. i don't think her episode was as intertwined maybe as the others were to the whole season BUT i actually really liked her episode because of how relatable it was to me do i like this activity for real or do i like it because i'm good at it? it was something i asked myself all the time as a kid especially as i started to grow up and realize actually i'm not that great compared to others. her friendship with that famous child was very sweet and i like how they just were able to talk to each other about their struggles and help each other have fun! and for jessi to realize she actually does like to dance... it was cute and wholesome and i definitely shed a tear when the whole group went to see her perform :') on a side note mary anne being there when jessi's mom was yelling at her was literally so funny my poor baby was trying so hard to disappear into the chair ;___;

stacey's episode i don't have toooo much to say but i really appreciate how her friends all tried to make sure she was okay. obviously she should have taken it slow but i also relate w/ stacey with holding things in and pretending everything is fine (when it's not) and i think why i love these kids so much is that of course they fight and have arguments but they are just... so good and apologizing. like when stacey apologized to everyone for what happened ;__;

i don't have much to say about mallory bc she didn't have her own episode so i don't really know her (and i've never read the books lol) so no comment really here

and finally.............. miss claudia kishi herself. her first episode i was honestly a bit shocked to see her struggle so much to connect with mallory since she always seemed to get along with everyone. but also i once again ALSO relate since i don't like ppl asking questions excessively and not trying to think for themselves even if that's rude to think 😭😭😭 and it was cute that she took ashley's advice to repair her relationship with mallory AND even to attempt to connect with janine.

and then we get to claudia and the sad goodbye which GENUINELY ruined me as a human being. the FORESHADOWING they gave was too much. starting it off with claudia trying to make tea traditionally and mimi saying "you're learning to make for the whole family" because claudia is going to have to "take over" for mimi like... THAT was too much. and then mimi practically knowing she was going to die that night and saying GOODBYE, MY CLAUDIA. and then to see claudia absolutely break down??? NO. NOT ALLOWED. momo really did such an amazing job with this how she repressed EVERYTHING and tried to act as normal as possible and then eventually broke when mary anne made her talk about it. even before you could just see the tears in her eyes as she tried to laugh and pretend as if nothing were wrong. and the pain in her voice ;___;

"i don't want to feel my grief. my grief feels horrible. my grief feels like. like my chest is going to explode. like i can't breathe. like everything is over and nobody... nobody understands."

listen just typing out these words is making me cry and then when she came back to her house and freaks out at janine for going through mimi's jewelry to give to ashley for JANINE TO BE LIKE I'M IN LOVE WITH HER??????????????? and claudia immediately regretting it and then them talking about the bracelet mimi wanted to give ashley and then them reminiscing over what that bracelet meant to mimi and talking about how mimi always paid attention to them and cared. and then janine asking for permission from claudia to give ashley the bracelet... this whole scene just was the most emotional tv i've ever seen and THEN AND THEN???????????????? they DARED hug and have claudia say "my janine" as if i wasn't already broken they had to be like ACTUALLY we aren't done. god that scene was just like one gut punch after another. i am once again crying thinking about this. honestly masterclass and then claudia honoring their culture and having the gathering in her room to remember mimi and HER MAKING TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and her even inviting ashley and janine as a couple....... honestly i've never read the books but i knew this was coming and it completely ruined me as expected but in the worst ways possible and it might be 1 of my favorite episodes of tv even if it just hurts so much. they did so well with this episode, this character, and this family also oddly just in home life in an asian household in western media - bsc still hits it out of the park compared to every other show i've watched which is extremely sad but makes me happy for bsc :) even seeing them come home and take their shoes off at the door was... comforting

anyways i'm done crying now (probably not) and if you are planning to watch season 2 please be prepared to cry multiple times