#I put this up for myself really and don’t expect ppl to read it

[dollgxtz]

Hi everyone just hopping on here quickly to remind yall that if you feel like dropping His Watchful Eye for any reason please do so!! It’s a very intense story, and I know despite my warnings people will read anyways but I really do want to emphasize putting yourself and your mental health first!!!

No, it won’t upset me! Everyone has their limits, everyone has their own opinions on how the story should go! And that’s okay. If you’re simply upset with how the story is going and want to drop it I would never hold that against anyone. 🤍

The only reason I even bring this up is because of some of the DMs and asks I’ve been getting. I have gotten ppl telling me to hurt myself over this. They’re very upsetting. I’m sorry if you feel like this story is not going the way you’d like but I have been very forward on my opinions on Yandere!Sylus. I don’t hate him but I don’t expect anyone else to like him, it’s okay, that’s the beauty of fiction. Everyone interprets it their own way!

I don’t want to have to keep justifying why I wrote Sylus the way I did. No, a lot of his actions are not canon and it’s my own choice to make him that way. It’s fanfiction and dark romance. Please respect my choices as the author or stop reading 😞

Please don’t come in my DMs/asks and insult me just because you feel a certain way. In fact, I encourage you guys to write your own versions of the characters if you’d like! I’d love to read them! I’m very sensitive and don’t want to have to drop the story altogether, but I will if it’s hurting my own mental health.

This isn’t to say you can’t come to me with criticism! I love constructive criticism and feedback but insulting me is not constructive at all.

Ty for your continued support and love, stay safe!

-Umi ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

[cruesuffix]

I know my uncle was drunk when he said this but, he said Mick's album sucked. "It's nothing like motley crue!" Like dude, he didn't want it to be like motley! Motley sucks now anyway. And the other 3 are problematic and don't give a damn about their fans.

your uncle sucks!!111!!1 (no just kidding!) i know there’s actually some ppl who think like this though. what they don’t realize though is that it was very obvious from the start what type of album mick was going to put out. like ok he went for a more modern sound… so did the crue, like decades ago! they haven’t sounded like they have in the 80’s since… the eighties!! so why’s it a problem if mick does it? second off, we have to remember: the Crüe made it out like mick was the reason their musics been sucky recently. they act like he’s just too old to get with the times and that’s obviously not true. the album is proof of that.

i also believe he just didn’t want to be predictable. everyone knows he loves the blues, and they all expected him to put out a blues album. i know a mick mars blues album would kick massive amounts of ass, but we all know that’s not what he wants. he wants to do the last thing people expect him to do, and i love that about him!

personally i think his solo album is amazing and fits him perfectly. it’s so moody, atmospheric at times (memories definitely fits that bill), and just kickass. plus, la noir is probably the closest thing we’ll get to a solo mick blues song so there’s that! yes, it’s nothing like motley crue, but after getting sacked from the band, i think mick’s allowed to disavow himself from the “motley” sound and venture musically on his own terms. i mean, i’ve read so many interviews with mick from the eighties where he talks (very casually) about doing projects that weren’t at all in the vain of motley crue. i’ve read him say things like “i wanna do a funk project,” or “i wanna do a solo blues record.” you know, things outside of motley that aren’t even close to the genre motley is in!

(also side note: while i’m still yapping, may i ask the audience a question? for those who probably have said the same thing of “well micks album doesn’t sound like motley so it’s bad!!” why is it that nikki can have his solo outfits (all of which don’t sound close to the motley sound), or even tommy (i know there’s a lot of you that like methods of mayhem), and that’s all fine and dandy, but mick putting out his solo album has everyone up and arms about it sounding “too modern.” the last two examples i gave were very modern for their respective times (i mean tommy’s solo stuff is on the nu metal side… seeing as though it came out in the 00’s, very modern for its time). ok side tangent over.)

and let’s be really fucking for real with ourselves. the new(ish) motley ep sucked major ass. dogs of war was forgettable, cancelled was pure cringe lyrically and sonically, and the beastie boys cover killed all of the og beastie boys members twice over. motley hasn’t been good since self titled in my very frank and honest opinion. they can’t stop chasing quick trends and nikki’s songwriting has gone to the shitter. instead of just calling it quits and becoming a legacy act like the stones, they have to continue to prove just how much they suck now and how little ideas they have left.

and maybe it’s my fault, and the fault of everyone who became fans of the band after the movie came out for showing interest in these bastards. i for one blame myself for getting into them and practically waving the dollars in their faces. maybe if the movie never came out the band would have went out on a high and continued doing whatever it was they were doing after the final tour. maybe then mick wouldn’t have had to go out on tour, nearly kill himself and then get kicked out of the band because of it. maybe nikki would have done something more productive with his time. he could have started another side project, written another book, idk. tommy could chill in cali like he always does and done side gigs and vince could have started a car company for all i care. then maybe we wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t have to worry about the intricate complicated relationships of all these old men. but no, i helped to fuck over peepaw, and now all we have is a bunch of old fucks trying to rewrite history and shunning someone they constantly referred to as a friend when that very much wasn’t the case.

(and yes i know they’re all problematic, but when you have three people who constantly fuck up and cause plenty of people pain and agony, those three people are going to be mentioned more than their practically agoraphobic, reclusive, hermit of a guitarist. i know what that guys done, but frankly it looks minuscule in the grand scheme of things.)

ok i’m practically writing an essay at this point but… what i want to convey is that; i don’t think mick’s album sucked and the ppl who do think so are ofc entitled to their wrong opinion and very obviously didn’t understand the point of the album in the first place, and that those three bastards are evil and i hate them but i also wish that everything had gone completely differently because i wish for a better ending to all of this, also that while i understand they’re all problematic the three of them are all worse than people mainly because they physically, mentally, and emotionally hurt people because they thought they were on top of the world.

and lastly… i love mick so much it hurts. it hurts knowing he’s not being understood. it hurts knowing he spent decades working on this album and only got to release it last year. in a just world no one ever criticizes that album. i know he doesn’t care, but i do! i don’t know why i care so much, but it just hurts to know that you can work your whole life for something and people will still find a way to trash it. ok ok ok, i yapped so much i am so so sorry!!! i just hate how people went into micks album hoping for the Crüe sound and then complained when he went in an entirely different direction. they would have called him washed up if he went with the crue thing but they still hate it when it’s not crue?? ok, now i’m done. i’m sorry you have to read all this slop tbh.

[iheartgaykey]

Hiii Ellie! I know this might sound a bit corny but I just have to say how excited I am for your AU Locked Up?? You’ve been such a huge art inspiration for me ever since I started following you and it goes way beyond DHMIS!! Every piece you create always leaves me in awe and you have no idea how much YOU have inspired me to experiment with bold colors. The way you execute everything is just so flawless it pushes me to do better every time I see your work! I don’t say this nearly enough but you’re really funny and you’re also just so much fun to be around! I really wish I could express more often how much I appreciate everything you’ve done and the time you’ve spent following me.. IT TRULY DOES MEAN A LOT TO ME AAJFDHGFDGF THE WAY WE JUST HAVE THESE REALLY STUPID INSIDE JOKES. We can never let "abc to shoot me in the face and kil me instantly " die or "home is where the ward is" I'MGONNA CRY I wasn't sure which account to send this but also you don't have to reply to it AT ALL I honestly get how cringe it might look I JUST HOPE YOU KNOW I'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BACK. Even if you need to vent or rant about something you're free to reach out to me! Never stop talking about that Key, Never stop talking about $oulbomb and just keep spamming the fuck out of this account -💌🩷

This timing is so good actually I've been rereading this like all day.THANK YOU SO MUCH DOLLY YOU FR DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I've been so stressed for the past few days bc alot has been going on (to be expected but that's a story for another day) so hearing this actually made my day my week my month and my year please never ever stop being you and never let your friends parents or anyone put you down bc good god doll you are genuinely an amazing person. I DO NOT DESERVE THIS AAGH NEVER EVER.THINK YOU HAVE TO HELP OR COMFORT OTHER PPL I could yap all day about everything you brought up here but I'll try to keep it a bit short FIRSTLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVEN READING SOME OF THE SHIT I POST MOST OF THE TIME (for some reason...) I ASSUME PPL JS LIKE MY POSTS & DONT READ THEM... I was originally going to give up on my dhmis au bc I DID NOT THINK anyone gave a shit abt the pilot anymore bc I am a few years late.. (joined the fandom early last year methinks..) ALSO I AM STILL SO SHOCKED I INSPIRE YOU AT ALL WHAT :(((/POS

I WOULD LOVE to talk abunch abt why I likey bright neons sm bc I think it does show a lot in my art (I fell in love with neons a few years ago js like $oulbomb bc I was looking for a specifc genre of items and found them before I had a name for em ♡) AND YOU STILL SOMEHOW PULL OF NEON FUNNY COLORS BETTER THAN ME??? the way u draw is so magical it KIND OF REMINDS ME OF GACHA/POS everytime I talk to my family abt tumblr or literally anything dhmis related my brother brings up abc to shoot me in the face and kil me instantly...

THANK U FOR SENDING IT TO THIS ONE BTW I DONT LIKE CLUTTERING MY MAIN BC ITS MEANT TO BE AESTHETIC AND PRETTY ♡ (Only real fans follow iheartgaykey AND pastelliek...) (even realer fans follow dreidreck too wink wink/ref) SORRY FOR REPLYING LATE A LOT HAS BEEN HAPPENING TODAY D: I ALSO WANTED TO KEEP THIS FOR MYSELF FOR A BIT IN MY INBOX..

[winwintea]

i don't understand the wayv drama can you explain to me please 😭🙏

okay anon here’s the tea

(if any other anons wanna add some info feel free to add anything!)

let’s start from the beginning. cause i’ve seen ppl be like “who tf is prism”

after big guy lee sooman left sm bc hybe kinda bought some shares of sm from him idk wtf happened with that it was lowkey crazy but

SM CAME OUT WITH THIS NEW PLAN! called sm 3.0. you can read more about it on wikipedia. but the general gist was that now these groups were gonna be managed by production centers

there are 5 production centers

as you can see wayv’s production center isn’t the same as nct!!! neo production couldn’t handle all the groups so they had to choose between wish or wayv and they choose to keep wish!!

so wayv migrated to prism center which is what we’ll be referring to when talking about “prism”

after losing taemin and Onew, prism went from expecting to put out min 4 albums per year (Shinee, Key, Onew, and Taemin) to 1 in 2024 (Key) + no shinee album last year. idk wtf minho was doing

so wayv gets more attention now yay !!!!! this should be good right?

yes and no!

we don’t actually know, but many fans believe that prism is biased towards specific members, and has been changing up their music style.

on my youth i think was released when they were with prism (?) but the thing is on my youth had songs recorded back from like…. 2020 😐 so obviously it still included wayv’s older style (moonlight i think was recorded back in 2020 or something)

give me that, go higher, and frequency were all dropped under prism… which is why their music style has seemed different.

fans like myself have started to critique this change saying that it’s not my style or cup of tea.

unfortunately some wayzennies believe that if we hate music then we also hate the group. which is toxic bullshit like. can we not have personal taste

unfortunately i have gotten death threats from them (yipee) which is fun and people say i hate wayv (they were my top artist) so it’s really fun to see everyone lose it over my critique.

haven’t been keeping up with group members specifically so maybe you can check out some previous asks for that.

BUT THE WHOLE DRAMA IS REALLY JUST prism vs wayzennies and wayzennies vs wayzennies.

also winwin absence i should mention i should say those toxic wayzennies told him to kill himself so like this fandom is so fucked 😐

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HELLO!!! gosh im so bad at using tumblr aside from reblogging so this has been a long time coming but i came to say U R A POET!! i found your acc when u had like 2 ? fics out and i remember reading “if i fell through the floor i would keep falling” when it had 90 notes and feeling like someone had put their hand in my chest and ripped my heart out…. i was so confused how it didnt have 100000000 notes?!?! i am still confused now. it’s some of the most beautiful writing ive read (& i don’t even really read for geto so it was such a random find but i am so grateful). my favorite line was “he figures he can give you this one thing, at least.” there are so many heartbreaking ones in that piece but this one was especially so. it’s crazy to me how well you painted the scenes, it really felt like i could visually See every moment.

anyways, i rediscovered your account a few days ago thanks to “i can’t close my eyes alone” and i am BUZZING with excitement at how large your masterlist is (seeing many hurt/comfort fics and u absolutely KILL at that genre omg) i cant emphasize enough how excited i am to tear through it!!!! no way i get any sleep tonight. also sleeping in a bathtub is so horribly senseless that i relate deeply. i would also make a decision like that in anger and commit to it. my favorite line from that work is “sincerity and honesty are things that have been used against him all his life” 💔💔

please expect another longwinded message once i get through all your new works!! thank you for sharing your art

- duzhee

HI HELLO!!!!!!! god i KNEW your user sounded familiar……. i was like ”duzhee hmmm where have i heard that before … 🤨🤨” i think u were the first person who rbed that fic w tags actually, it made me so happy 🥺🥺 i still have a screenshot of it saved in my lil motivational folder <333

im so happy u found ur way back here, u have no idea!!!!! and gosh literally everything u said is so so sweet and thoughtful im tearing up T_T that geto fic still has a v special place in my heart, so i cant tell u how glad i am that u enjoyed it!! especially since u dont read geto often like thats such a huge accomplishment to me….. aaa u even mentioned ur fave line!! its my favorite thing to hear ever 🥺🥺

and the gojo fic!!! im so happy u liked that too!!! im super duper weak for hurt/comfort so its so flattering to me that u think i write it well?!??? u r so so sweet. tysm again for mentioning ur fave line it gives me like … an outrageous amount of happiness when ppl do 😭😭😭 

AND HONESTLY DUZHEE… the only reason i made reader sleep in a bathtub is bc i wanna do it myself so bad LMAO i love sleeping in unconventional places like i love nothing else <333 

ah and and and !!! honestly having someone call my writing ”poetic” is just ……. The most flattering thing ever???? u r genuinely such an angel, tysm for taking the time to write this out 🥺🥺 it made my morning!!!! i am EAGERLY looking forward to another longwinded message from u <3333

[sunlightandsuffering]

tbh when i saw the notes there will be no sex i was quite disappointed!!! cus i was expecting it 😂 but as i read through it, i started to enjoy it more & more, so what if they don’t have sex?? it’s still enjoyable & entertaining!! in fact, i love them during this pre sex phase 🥰 so silly & messy, as expected from switch eremika!! I LUV THEM SO MUCH!

for the smut scene, i personally think this chapter bring out the new side of u I WAS LIKE YASS LYS WE NEED THIS . because your smut style before was a bit repetitive (for me) but this chapter,, i can feel u put so much effort 🥲🥲 & u improve day by day im super proud!! ❤️❤️ THANK U FOR WRITING THIS

omg im glad i dont want ppl to be unfulfilled reading it!! I always feel bad im like THEY STILL HAVEN'T DONE IT, THATS WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR BOOO!!!! but honestly i'm having a lot of fun writing the rest of it, besides phone sex obviously that was a struggle lmfao

BUT YES SEE THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MY SMUT I GET TIRED OF IT, IM LIKE FUCK OFF THIS IS SO BORING!!! that's why i hate writing smut lately I always feel its so generic. I think especially with MMDS for a while i was like wtf how do i spice this up, every fucking time it was me forcing myself to write smut 😭😭so in a way switch is good! and also my dark fic blog its like stretching my smut muscles, adding some more spice!!! I feel u tho i get bored with most smut these days u have to be really interesting for it to work me up lol!! IM SO HAPPY IT MIXED IT UP FOR U THO!!! IM THRILLED!! GOT ME OUT OF MY BOX!! THANK U 🤧🤧 y'all feel like my mom ur like, great job lys, pat on the back proud of u, except its about writing smut lmfao ily anon 💗💗💗

[lovedeathalice]

T/W: non con, abuse

Ugggghhhhh I just LOVE CW!Eren and thanks for answering my ask💞

The way you write him is sooo chef’s kiss!!!! The first time I read clipped wings, I recall reader being sold to eren, so that’s what I imagine. Your family’s poor, trying to make ends meet, Eren lays eyes on you like you’re fresh meat, he makes an offer and you’re sold like cattle.

He has really crazy outbursts, gets mad over little things and he’s really destructive. Just throwing house decor, shattering it to bits and pieces and reader’s crying, and shaking, petrified of him. And he loveesssss that. He stalks over to her, she’s cowering, begging him to calm down and it pisses him off even more. And he just ends up fucking her right there in the kitchen.

Sorry that blurb was really random 🫣

I do have a few more questions if you don’t mind 🌚

1. Was Eren abusive from the start? Like did they get married right away and he immediately started abusing reader? Or was it building up?

2. What’s the readers personality like? Feisty? Especially initially, did she try to fight eren off? (until he fucked her into submission and now she’s just afraid) Because it my fucked head, I imagine her pretty meek, even from the start. Like super sweet and she’s always confused as to why eren targets her so badly. She tries to do everything right and for the most part does, but Eren still is ruthless towards her. And Eren knows this too, know she’s too good, too sweet but putting her down turns him tf on. She watching her face scrunch in sadness makes his dick so hard omg I should stop.

(This is also fucked but in my sick sick head, CW!Eren has a reallllyyy big thing for choking. Like till you nearly pass out or you do pass out and he just keeps fucking you. You regain consciousness and he’s still fucking you)

Okay this might be too much, my apologies. If it’s crossed a line/you don’t feel comfortable to post, no worries. Again, thanks for answering and hope you have a nice day 🌝

Omg thanks so much for this sweet ask💗

To be completely honest, I wrote Clipped Wings in one sitting just bc I was horny as fuck and didn't think too deeply into the details😭 It's also been 3yrs since I wrote it so I don't remember shit about it myself lol. I wasn't expecting some ppl to actually like it, then I got carried away with the headcanons whilst never having any actual plans to write a full fic lol. And I still don't.

I lost interest in Eren a while ago. The fanon dark Eren as we know it is an extreme mischaracterization as Eren would never do even a small fraction of the stuff the dark fanfics me & others write make him do lol.

I really hate to say this, but I have no answers for those questions. Like I said, I only wrote it bc I was feeling quite freaky lol. He was the only hot character I could think of at the time so I just inserted him in. No deep thought put into it there.

So with all that being said, just go crazy with your headcanons lol. CW Eren is everything fucked up you want him to be and more.

I'm glad u liked it and again thanks for the ask :) ♡

[octovian]

Blabber post II

Some babies were born to cry loud or softly. Some babies don’t, like myself, from my mother’s words “you have been the quietest, you never cried when birthed out”.

At 2 years old my first emotion I’ve felt was envy. This is not coming from me, this is from what my mother has remembered in her own core memory whilst sharing that memory of hers with me now that I’m an adult.

Envy or what other ppl call it “Jealousy” being my first emotion was not really what I expected, usually babies main emotions they first feel is either happiness or sadness. I was a bit uneasy about finding out that mine was jealousy instead of happiness or something normal. Never liked the fact that my first emotion being something so ugly, thinking that it could define me as a person & impact me in a way that could be really gloomy. Probably did impact me since I do see myself as very gloomy at some point.

In my toddler years, I was a muted kid, barely spoke, never wanted to interact with anyone not with other kids, not even with teachers either, I only wanted my ‘mama’, only her, no one else. Loved being alone, draw on my own, read books about bugs, poisonous/weird plants & Night skies(Astronomy) on my own, watch Scooby doo, Alice in wonderland, Polar Express, Neverending Story & Zathura on my own, playing Super Mario Bros (1985) on my own, playing with my Fifi (the flowertots) plushies & hello kitty toys on my own as well as putting my collection of trains & horses in order (on my own). My mother remembered how I loved to organise my trains the most, putting them in line & if someone moved it, I always put them back in the same spot, in the same way, in the same row. Even had an odd obsession for gravestones, statues such as New York’s statue of liberty as well as obsessions with monsters/cryptids all because of watching a lot of Scooby doo constantly rewatching each episodes more than 20 times. Speaking of the gravestone obsession, I used to make them out of paper & put all of the paper gravestones I’ve crafted in my garden, having my own invented cemetery, my mother remembers it till this day.

Which was discovered later that my behaviour at an early stage of my childhood was a “immediate” sign of autism. I wouldn’t know that, I was some goblin of a child who considered hobbies as business.

I do admit I still admire trains & horses till this day as an adult now, I’m still obsessed with cemeteries, statue of liberty & monsters now that I’m a huge horror fan all thanks to creepypasta that I’ve discovered at age 7-8 on my mother’s computer on YouTube. And because of YouTube I even discovered Vocaloid through the nyan cat video that was sang by Hatsune Miku & another version of it with another voicebank called Momo which later impacted my life for music.

Going back to horror.. It’s like an evolution with loving horror, it starts with Scooby doo & then Creepypasta next, then it’s Happy Tree Friends, and horror MLP fanmade parodies, then it’s horror animes like Higurashi, Blood C/Blood+, corpse party…. My most favourite is Elfen Lied, I’m a fangirl of that horror anime no one in my life has any clue of that. Then horror games especially the old indie ones like: Ib, The Witch’s House, Mad Father, Mogeko Castle, Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea (considered quite horror due to horrible shit & creepy stuff that happens in the game). Later on growing up I would play Alice madness returns as a huge Alice in wonderland fan, this game touched my soul. Fran bow was the best horrific games I’ve ever came across, I love everything about it, full on twisted, psychologically & spirituality insane. And just watching popular horror franchises like: A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Friday 13th, The Shining, Chucky, Orphan, yk etc, etc, even very old horror movies from 1920’s like Nosferatu.

[dilfdelivery]

Hey, I was reading your pinned post and wanted to vent in your inbox for a bit because I don’t really have a place to put this. Hopefully that’s ok, this is in relation to the “on a serious note” paragraph, if it’s not okay feel free to delete this.

-

I honestly feel somewhat conflicted about the ‘being into detrans kink doesn’t cancel out your transness’ messaging I keep seeing around.

I know why they’re there, and I’m sure it’s validating for folks, just personally my own detrans kink /is/ one of the reasons I’m not trans. I’m not cis either. I also am aware the post filtering system exists and I already heavily use it.

There are other reasons related to how I experience gender in general, but it’s like hm. I use FtM tags and exist around trans spaces, is it contradictory for me to do that and feel the way I do described above?

I don’t know, and I don’t expect you to know. I already deal with this uncomfortableness when engaging with other trans resources for myself (I’m on HRT for gender reasons) and I really don’t want it cropping up within kink. But I’m also very conscious of ‘this space might not be for me’ - the tricky thing is my solution to that is leaving and I don’t exactly want to stop engaging with these spaces.

Anyways, I’m okay with any and all responses.

my gender always seems to change so I get it. There’s so much pressure to be very gender conforming in transness, both from cishets and also other trans ppl (hello? calling people ‘theyfabs’ for daring to have a complex relationship with gender).

Being told you can’t do this or that or the other if you ‘want’ to be trans. But being trans means you can do whatever the fuck you want forever tbh.

‘detrans kink doesn’t cancel out your transness’ is fair for some, but also remember that it doesn’t necessarily make you cis either. The third of not cis or trans is actually also being trans, but in a way most cis and trans people hate LOL.

I’ll never be cis. I’ve tried very hard to be cis but I’m not. Doesn’t mean I’m always gonna know my gender exactly, but that’s my business lol.

If it ever gets too much, step back and evaluate where you want your transition to go. You’re allowed to slow down. You’re allowed to stop. None of these things are automatically ‘detrans’.

Also, please don’t feel uncomfortable about using trans resources. They’re there to be used, and usually with charity stuff the more people who use it, the more funding they can get.

I’m not sure if I really answered it well but you’re not alone 👍

[possibilistfanfiction]

Genuine question, how did you figure out or realize the whole being butch thing? What does being butch mean to you?

idk if it was like… figure out? more so just putting a name to something i’ve always felt or known about myself. i came out as a lesbian, then i came out as nb, then i was like well i want gender affirming care so that must mean i am Trans™️, & it’s like… none of those words or kind of… vibes (lol sorry) quite fit? i don’t feel like a cis lesbian, & i actually kind of despise non-binary as a concept (don’t send asks abt this i won’t answer them lol, do ur own thing if u love it that’s cool); i think for me personally Transness is a little too serious & intense & limiting to how i feel. & im a white afab person in a smaller body, & honestly…….. we are often the wooooorst demographic of trans ppl lmao so i just didn’t even rly like some spaces i was in. i got the most important gender affirming care i wanted, i moved & i got married, i got to work remotely etc

& so just sitting with all of that it was like. ok well a lot of neoliberal queer spaces piss me the fuck off; i’m not cis, but i’m not TRANS in the way a lot of ppl (very validly) feel; i do Not like nb. i’d read stone butch blues before, i have a degree in critical theory where i worked a loooot w queer theory, obviously i’ve written abt queerness for ages lol. so then i was just like ah. butch. dyke. YAH! sweet. 100/10 feels amazing i love it

& i think for me i love those words most bc they’re rooted in really radical belief that i have. they carry an ethic with them that, at its best & most intersectional ofc, i want to act on, all the time. i want to show up for people & be protective & tough & strong but i also so deeply want to be nurturing & nourishing. i want to allow myself to be nourished & cared for. i think it feels rly wonderful to have a word for transgressive gender that sums it all up bc people lived it before me. they made that very specific & particular space to experience femininity in a way that doesn’t feel like a noose.

i think also butchness is so expansive! something that never sat right w me abt the way we talk abt transness in the west is that i don’t think there are ‘pre’ & ‘post’ transition selves. like… i’ve never been Not Me? like i came out of the womb a dyke. all i did my entire childhood is run around in the mountains, catalogue leaves, play w my dog, read nancy drew, & avidly watch + play any women’s soccer i could. i loved to fish & mountain bike, i grew up in the desert so gardening to me was a miracle. i never cared abt gender at all beyond like ‘well i guess i’m a girl & the women i admire just won a world cup, they’re badass’ & that was it. i liked boys clothes bc they were practical & felt better, but i just. didn’t think about it. ppl called me a tomboy which was fine, i liked scout in to kill a mockingbird so whatever. but i never felt “non-binary” & i certainly never felt like a boy.

& i am… still just like that lmao. i hated my boobs, point blank day 1 lol, but that doesn’t have to mean i’m trans, or that i’ve somehow changed in a way that requires separation from who i’ve been my whole life. i HATE the language of ‘dead/lived’ name; i hate the weird expectation that u should allow the state to have all of ur gender stuff on record (no fucking thank you, y’all can keep my legal name & i will be flying under the radar lol). so i think western transness rly just. irritates me. doesn’t fit. hasn’t ever fit.

so butchness is like. i am 8 year old jude, i’m just older now. if this makes sense ur butch lmao but. it’s this rly free space to play w masculinity in a way that doesn’t necessitate western transness, & also doesn’t necessitate a separation from maternalism, which i fundamentally believe in. i don’t even rly think of my own care as “gender affirming” & more just like… essence affirming. i didn’t want top surgery so my body could be read as male; i wanted it so i could look like me. i want my clothes to feel & fit in a Very particular way bc that’s how i like them. it’s abt practicality, efficiency, comfort.

& lastly to me butchness has a remarkable space for tenderness that masculinity on its own just cannot hold. like. it’s abt being protective & strong, sure, but it’s in service of others. always always always. so sometimes that looks like communicating calmly, sometimes that looks like infinite small acts of service for ur friends or ur partner. when i think of settling into myself it’s more about returning to who i knew i was when i was a kid, when i was the only person my dog liked & how it felt to sit on the swings when the sun was setting after the monsoon; it’s allowing myself to love like that — caring, & quiet, & full.

ultimately to me butchness is about devotion, more than anything in the world. devoted to safety, devoted to community. no one is devoted the way dykes are bc it’s how we survive. it’s how we have always survived — the steadfastness, the faith, the joy, even thru suffering, to not be boxed in. to help each other. to be funny & kind & thoughtful & not reject the absolute best parts of womanhood for the sake of a western box. to demand care. it’s so beautiful. devotion.

tldr it’s the best

[humbugg]

soooo who wants to move away to a foreign country and adopt a dog with me 👀

[rollercoasterwords]

I have been going thru canon compliant wolfstar fics oldest to newest (like back to og wolfstar of the early 00) bc I’m a masochist 😋 🤞 and I’ve definitely noticed the shift in the way the majority of writers tag their fics. It’s interesting to see how much more frequently ppl use tags to begin with. Writers already make the conscious decision to warn ppl throughly about what it’s in their fics thru tags, and i honestly don’t think people should ever need to add need tw beyond tags sorry not sorry. I certainly don’t think everyone will agree with me, but sometimes I don’t want to know ever major plot point that in a chapter (which is why I usually skip them, but it’s hard bc I love reading the authors notes) Just read the tags, test it out if needed, and dip if it’s too much 🫠

yeahhhhh whenever i read older fics there really aren't like. warnings on each ch. bc tags are just assumed to be sufficient. which makes sense to me!!

and like i'm sympathetic to people who want tws--i'm someone who frequently spoils shit for myself bc i wanna know what happens, especially with like horror movies and stuff where i wanna know if i can stomach it. but it's about taking responsibility for ur own reading experience, y'know? like if i'm reading a fic and it gets to be too much for me, i just...stop reading. and accept the fact that the fic is not for me.

and from a writer perspective, it's like....on my longer fics i've tried to give a heads-up in ch notes, bc when i entered the fandom i got the impression that was the norm. but doing that takes extra time and work, and i don't always know what someone might find triggering. and like, if people reach out politely and ask me to add a tw for something that didn't occur to me, i'm usually happy to do so!

but like. idk man. when i was writing this cowboy fic i was just like....i do not feel like combing back through these chapters and trying to add in-depth warnings on every ch in addition to what i've already put in the tags lol. and now i'm writing a zombie fic, and even though i've tagged it for like gore and violence and blood and injury and it is literally a zombie apocalypse au, i still feel this sense of pressure to put notes at the beginning of chs, because so many people seem to just expect that!

anyway it's up to every writer individually to decide how many warnings they wanna put on a fic, but i definitely do wish that there was a way to like....backtrack to a time when the norm was gratitude for the fact that fics on ao3 even have tags in the first place + a sense that everyone is responsible for their own reading experience, rather than this sense of entitlement some people seem to have where they expect detailed warnings on every single ch :/

[evvlevie]

☎️ I ALMOST SHIFTED AFTER NOT TRYING FOR OVER 2 MONTHS. ☎️

[i swear, it’s always me this stuff happens to..]

~~~

HOW I .. ALMOST SHIFTED!! (storytime)

~~~

bet you weren’t expecting another crazy spiritual event to happen to me, were you? well, here i am! back again with another story of something insane.. anyway, let’s start this story off with background. recently, i’ve been a bit lacking in the trying-to-shift department. i’ve been reading up on a lot of shifting stories, methods, etc, but barely actually tried to shift myself. .. well, less of my own choice and more of the universes choice LOL, been constantly having shifting stuff thrown at my face. but, anyway, i’ve been busy working on my OR life, so it’s been hard for me to think of shifting at all (aside from the stuff the universe has been throwing at me). however, around 2 days ago i attempted to shift for the first time in over 2 months, as the title states. here’s how it went!

it was late for me and i was really tired, as i only decided to shift right before i went to sleep, so me attempting to shift.. wasn’t exactly me trying my best. i think that might’ve played a part in it, though. but anyway, i started off with me getting into a comfortable position, closing my eyes, and then affirming. it wasn’t any complicated affirmations, as i like to stick to what i’ve seen ppl call ‘the basics’ (i have shifted’, ‘i am in my dr’, ‘i am not chained to one reality’, etc.) bcz that’s what works for me. i affirmed for a bit, and then began to mix in visualizing (me waking up in my dr). i then began to feel symptoms. not crazy, symptoms, but still symptoms. i was starting to feel a symptom of mine that happens when i’m in the middle/beginning of shifting, my limbs going numb. i like to think of it as the process of me being transferred to my OR body, yk yk. i then began to use the technique of letting your mind wander off, but inside your DR instead of your OR (basically instead of thinking “i have a math test tmrw”, if you are shifting to hogwarts or something you would think “i have a magic test tmrw”). this began to increase the symptom of my limbs going numb, as i had stopped being able to feel my legs, and a huge part of both my arms. i tried to ignore this cause yk, ignore the symptoms and stuff, but eventually my mind got bored and trailed off.

as i said, it was really late for me and i was really tired, so my focus wasn’t entirely on shifting. my mind had began to wander, and i don’t even remember what i was thinking about but it definitely was not shifting. i almost completely forgot i was supposed to be shifting in the first place, actually. i eventually snapped out of it, and i thought to myself “oh shit, im supposed to be shifting.” and then resumed lazily affirming. this is when stuff begun to get crazy. i was still really really out of it after i snapped myself out of that dream-like state i was in, but i was still thinking of shifting and affirming and stuff. i wasn’t putting in a lot of effort and was barely thinking at all. nothing new was happening, until i felt a jolt of energy be shot through me. i don’t know what happened, but all of a sudden all of my mind just woke up at once, and began seeing things. i am not entirely sure how to describe what i saw.. but i’ll try my best. it was like i was cycling through lights, or maybe even universes. i saw lights flashing and then disappearing, as if i was being pulled through a plethora of universes. the only two colours i could see were purple and white, and they kept flashing over and over. and.. you will probably think i’m crazy but, i swear i remember the very VERY distinct feeling of my consciousness being pulled from my body. i’m not sure how else to describe it, but it was like i was literally being pulled away from my OR. all of a sudden, excitement and energy flashed through me and it set in i was going to shift. it set in i was finally going to do it. it was happening, and it was all happening now! nothing could ruin this! i’m doing it, i’m doing it!- ..

…. and then i fell asleep. no joke, i literally passed out while in the process of being pulled through multiple universes. i woke up the next day in my OR, and i haven’t been able to shake the feeling of being tired since. sucks ass, i know, but i’m going to try again soon! the whole experience was CRAZY and i don’t even know how to begin to describe what it felt like. the jolt of energy i got was so sudden, i was literally on the verge of sleeping and then all of i sudden i felt like something just grabbed me and i was immediately pulled away from all feelings of tiredness. also, i would go through the process of how i did it and stuff, but as i said i haven’t been able to shake the feeling of being tired since, so i don’t even want to begin to try SHDGDGD

i hope this storytime was fun though!! going to try again another time, hopefully soon if i can muster up the motivation LMAOO.. anyway, byebye everyone!! :))

-☎️ anon <3

Omg this is such a great Storytime and I can definitely relate to it, and I know what feeling you are describing!!!

I am so so so happy for you that you got this far, keep it going and keep us updated!!!

Love you! 🫶🏻❤️

[silkgonerough]

Astrology Observation/rants? #1

❤️I’ve noticed that people who have venus unaspected in their chart are incredibly attractive idk why???

👸Moon trine/conjunct venus is such a nice placement to have in regards to people in general but especially to the opposite sex. I feel like ppl tend to treat you more gently and kindly bc of it’s feminine energy. It gives a prince/princess charm to the natives mannerisms bc they’re so kind and warm! Men with this placement are kind of babied and seen in higher regards by women (especially older women!!) and the women are kind of protected and nurtured through men. This also goes both ways where women with this placement probably have amazing relationships with other women and the guys are that one friend who has a lowkey bromance with all of his friends lol,, It’s rlly hard to see these ppl in a malefic or fearful light.

🙎‍♀️Moon in Scorpio females have eyes that can pierce through your soul

💆Men with Aquarius venus and Capricorn Mars are top tier

👄Women with Scorpio venus are usually very pretty and sexy and known for their sex appeal if famous

💅Capricorn + gemini venus or rising women are really pretty and make great models

👯‍♀️Lilith in eighth house is considered a sex symbol placement (Brigitte Bardot, Elvis Presley, Angelina Jolie, Sophia Loren)

🤔I would say gemini and virgo risings are the hardest signs to identify because of their mercurial rulership and mutability unlike Pisces and Sagittarius where there are clear distinctions in facial features and physique because of the Jupiter/Neptune affect (long legs, round faces, prominent forehead and eyes) gemini and virgo can easily be dominated by other planets in contact with the ascendant or first house but both signs give someone a very youthful doll like glow

🧠People tend to shit on hard Saturn contacts but I find that with time they usually evolve beautifully and the aspect can become a huge benefic but only with hard work. Saturn is the only planet that rewards for perseverance and patience but it’s always worth it

🥰Leo and Virgo’s are actually really similar in what they expect from themselves and others. They both just want to be appreciated and considered important to those around them.

👩‍🦳No matter what signs are involved sun conjunct venus always has a very feminine and pleasent face usually with a prominent forehead,, they’re also rlly well captured in photographs!

🤳Mars square Neptune probably had a period where they may have read a lot of dirty fanficton or fantasized about weird concepts sexually

🌝Leo moons are WAY more of attention seekers then leo suns im sorry but it’s like their emotional well-being depends on the amount of attention they get whereas Leo suns don’t necessarily ask for it bc they just attract it naturally with their aura (this isn’t every leo moon ofc just the ones I’ve observed)

🤦‍♂️I think Virgo suns are more critical of those around them and how that affects who they are whereas Virgo moons tend to be more critical of themselves and how their actions affect their surroundings

🦵I’ve noticed Mars in the 1st house females are usually rlly toned and skinny with long legs

💃Mars in Virgo is known as being prudish or like a not sexy placement of Mars and I rlly beg to differ, I swear every person that the general public’s been obsessed with when it comes to being hot has this (Dylan O brien, Austin Butler, Idris Alba, Blake Lively, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Felton, Ariana grande, Johnny depp, Britney Spears?!! there’s so many more u guys need to get on this)

🥴Aries moons are all about talking the talk but I swear half the time are not walking the walk and when they do they’ve talked shit to about 6 ppl already and waited for like a week before telling u how they feel

🤡Pisces moons (myself being one) can be so fucking stupid when it comes to liking someone I swear. We tend to make excuses for them and cling to whatever image we’ve set up in our head on who they are. Once evolved though it’s way easier for us to see ppl for who they are off the bat without going through the emotional distress!

😒I can confirm that we attract whatever signs in our eighth house mines in Aries and I swear to god not a year has gone by where an Aries man hasn’t infiltrated my life

👗people who have venus in the second house are the definition of quality over quantity!! always dressed so well with the cutest jewelry. They’re style carries libra energy :)

🥺Aries sun men are some of the most sensitive ppl I’ve ever met!! I didn’t realize it at first but they’re rlly soft and uwu. I don’t know how to explain it but think of Eren from AOT or Natsu from Fairy Tail! They’re kind of like a cheeky kid you want to protect at all costs

🤝I think a lot of square aspects can work in your favor if there’s a specific trine or conjunct aspect that’s energy can balance it out once activated if that makes sense ? Like for example I have venus square neptune and I used to put myself in alot of unnecessary painful situation bc I had a problem with deluding myself when it came to liking someone. Yet I was always aware that the person was not right for me or the situation was toxic bc of my sun conjunct pluto. The Sun/Pluto aspect has kind of forced me to be more aware of the venus/neptune affect and I’ve grown a lot stronger through those painful plutonic experiences in love and I can see through other people’s intentions for what they are with ease. I think that sun/pluto helped cancel out my delusion by making me go through a lot of intense experiences to finally understand what I was doing and see things for what they were.

🧛🏽‍♀️Going off of that I don’t care what anyone else says I LOVE MY PLUTO ASPECTS and trust me their pretty shitty (sun conjunct pluto, moon square pluto, pluto square asc). I’ve been put into some rlly crazy situations for only being 18 but I can go into the world with a lot more awareness of who I am and the people around me. I like the intensity they bring and the forcefulness of change in my habits and life. Pluto has made me a rlly strong person in terms of persevering through life and it’s challenges. I thank pluto for that.

👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏼👨🏾‍🤝‍👨🏻👩🏿‍🤝‍👩🏼I think one of my favorite placements I have that is also super favorable in others is Jupiter in the 11th house! This may seem kind of random but the amount of opportunities and cool experiences I’ve been given through my friends and social circles is something I’m soo thankful for🙏 Friendship and just being a friendly person in general is something I’ve always found luck and happiness in and it’s so rewarding to have so many ppl like and support u for who u are! Making friends with ppl online and making friends from friends is super easy with this placement as well💞

[paperconsumption]

plane thoughts no.2:

ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! (never plays songs on repeat and has scared herself)

find it hilarious that they remind ppl to take off face masks before putting on safety masks in the event of an emergency. who the hell forgot to do that

angels before man is killing me ever so slightly bc i thought lucifer’s fall would happen sooner but we’re spending a lot more time as an angel than i expected. i do enjoy the dinosaurs though

oh and also i want to fight michael i woukd defeat that gay angel with ease

also also there r whole pages devoted to lucifer leading worship sessions i am so so sorry but every single one of them is a skip almost as much of a skip as the dream sex scene was

not saying i dislike the book bc i quite like it. but. you know

oh my god i forgot i had a note dedicated to moby dick quotes i like i need to fling myself out of this plane right now

this is why i don’t go on my notes app

might read moby dick some more and add more quotes to the list. it has good quotes

oooh ooooooh also in here is my people who should voice audiobooks list. it’s very good

some examples:

- hatsune miku

- invader zim

- corpsehusband

- lin manuel miranda

- my sister doing her marge simpson impression

- ash ketchum

i just opened tumblr and got confused why nothing would load. airplane mode idiot

there’s a. a list of graduation cords that are possible to earn from around when i graduated hs. because my mom thinks they’re cool and told me to get lots for college graduation

i have an old friends phone password saved in here from 2017 do we think it still works

gonna take a lil nappy right now

ohhh my seat is right by the wing and i got some cool plane shots. omgg omg

my water bottle wouldn’t twist open and for one terrifying moment i thought it was open and all my stuff in my bag had gotten soaked. but nope ! it was just stuck

en. enstars…enstars locked tomb a-(i get shot and killed)

cabinet man is so good!

the crane wives are so good!

i wish i could go home instead of school. alas

sooooo so sleepy right now

i wanna write something but writing in my notes app is not fun i don’t enjoy it

FUCKKKK why did they turn on the lights were not even landing yet

there r some rlly random songs on this playlist what was i thinking nine days ago

through the window reflection i can see someone in front of me pull up spotify. they play ed sheeran

yknow i was really banking on this flight having outlets bc i could charge my phone in the way over but now we don’t and my phones totally gonna die on the 2 hour bus drive after landing. maybe the bus will have outlets actually

left my hotel room at 10am it’s been almost 12 hours curse these layovers

flying makes my head hurt

[claudia-kishi]

so i wrote a thread on twitter about bsc s2 but i will put them here if you care to read my thoughts under the cut or you can read them here: https://twitter.com/goldenlysithea/status/1448138684352499720 :)

kristy was honestly. better than s1. she has grown, and a lot of the things i disliked about her in s1 were not present in s2. her and watson's relationship progression was so great to see, and i def cried at the end of the s2 finale.

mary anne has GROWN. like... it's truly wild how different she is from s1 to now. but in the best way possible. she is still adorable and awkward but more confident in herself and even navigated through her first "we need to talk?!" part of a relationship. mary anne and her dad also.................. their relationship progressing more and him being okay with her DATING with the prepared note card speech was so great. i love them.

dawn. dawn dawn dawn. how i adore you. kyndra did an amazing job stepping into this role. i will always miss xochitl, but kyndra did perfectly. and having her be Not Straight is probably the greatest thing!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and this season she finally got to have an episode where she breaks down because let's face it nobody is perfect and things that bother you over time eventually cause you to explode... (relatable) so her episode was so necessary and i adore her and i think how her and mary anne got through their first "fight" as almost sisters was rather mature of them and they are so so so so so good. honestly probs my fave friendship amongst the whole group. esp w/ the foundation from s1.

jessi was honestly a surprise for me since i wasn't really sure what to expect. i don't think her episode was as intertwined maybe as the others were to the whole season BUT i actually really liked her episode because of how relatable it was to me do i like this activity for real or do i like it because i'm good at it? it was something i asked myself all the time as a kid especially as i started to grow up and realize actually i'm not that great compared to others. her friendship with that famous child was very sweet and i like how they just were able to talk to each other about their struggles and help each other have fun! and for jessi to realize she actually does like to dance... it was cute and wholesome and i definitely shed a tear when the whole group went to see her perform :') on a side note mary anne being there when jessi's mom was yelling at her was literally so funny my poor baby was trying so hard to disappear into the chair ;___;

stacey's episode i don't have toooo much to say but i really appreciate how her friends all tried to make sure she was okay. obviously she should have taken it slow but i also relate w/ stacey with holding things in and pretending everything is fine (when it's not) and i think why i love these kids so much is that of course they fight and have arguments but they are just... so good and apologizing. like when stacey apologized to everyone for what happened ;__;

i don't have much to say about mallory bc she didn't have her own episode so i don't really know her (and i've never read the books lol) so no comment really here

and finally.............. miss claudia kishi herself. her first episode i was honestly a bit shocked to see her struggle so much to connect with mallory since she always seemed to get along with everyone. but also i once again ALSO relate since i don't like ppl asking questions excessively and not trying to think for themselves even if that's rude to think 😭😭😭 and it was cute that she took ashley's advice to repair her relationship with mallory AND even to attempt to connect with janine.

and then we get to claudia and the sad goodbye which GENUINELY ruined me as a human being. the FORESHADOWING they gave was too much. starting it off with claudia trying to make tea traditionally and mimi saying "you're learning to make for the whole family" because claudia is going to have to "take over" for mimi like... THAT was too much. and then mimi practically knowing she was going to die that night and saying GOODBYE, MY CLAUDIA. and then to see claudia absolutely break down??? NO. NOT ALLOWED. momo really did such an amazing job with this how she repressed EVERYTHING and tried to act as normal as possible and then eventually broke when mary anne made her talk about it. even before you could just see the tears in her eyes as she tried to laugh and pretend as if nothing were wrong. and the pain in her voice ;___;

"i don't want to feel my grief. my grief feels horrible. my grief feels like. like my chest is going to explode. like i can't breathe. like everything is over and nobody... nobody understands."

listen just typing out these words is making me cry and then when she came back to her house and freaks out at janine for going through mimi's jewelry to give to ashley for JANINE TO BE LIKE I'M IN LOVE WITH HER??????????????? and claudia immediately regretting it and then them talking about the bracelet mimi wanted to give ashley and then them reminiscing over what that bracelet meant to mimi and talking about how mimi always paid attention to them and cared. and then janine asking for permission from claudia to give ashley the bracelet... this whole scene just was the most emotional tv i've ever seen and THEN AND THEN???????????????? they DARED hug and have claudia say "my janine" as if i wasn't already broken they had to be like ACTUALLY we aren't done. god that scene was just like one gut punch after another. i am once again crying thinking about this. honestly masterclass and then claudia honoring their culture and having the gathering in her room to remember mimi and HER MAKING TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and her even inviting ashley and janine as a couple....... honestly i've never read the books but i knew this was coming and it completely ruined me as expected but in the worst ways possible and it might be 1 of my favorite episodes of tv even if it just hurts so much. they did so well with this episode, this character, and this family also oddly just in home life in an asian household in western media - bsc still hits it out of the park compared to every other show i've watched which is extremely sad but makes me happy for bsc :) even seeing them come home and take their shoes off at the door was... comforting

anyways i'm done crying now (probably not) and if you are planning to watch season 2 please be prepared to cry multiple times