#but it fucking hurts my heart
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Mommy issues this daddy issues that, where my homies with older sibling issues at?
#just saw my sister is at a concert with our aunt#no one invited me#or hell even told me about it#i would've wanted to go#but realistically i guess it wouldn't because in reality we dont have anything in common anyways and they probably just went to drink#and be fucking idiots#but its just the premise i guess#not to mention she'd rather go out with our aunt... the one who knowingly brought a predator into my sisters home#WHO SEXUALLY ASSAULTED HER DAUGHTER (my niece) IN HER OWN HOME#like... shed rather go out and hang out with HER... over me?#i really am that unlovable huh#and then she has her husbands sisters#shes closer to them than she ever has been or will be with me#has a matching tattoo with the one closest to my age#goes and gets pedicures with the one that has the same name as me#and shes not even her husband's family shes his brothers wife#i love to pretend like it doesn't bother me#but it fucking hurts my heart#my heart fucking hurts typing this#like a physical ache#hated me my whole life for just existing and nothing has changed#my post#personal#sister#family
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A 26-year-old Kiwi is being fingered as the culprit behind the killing of Sydney’s most beloved fish.
Divers and locals alike have been left distraught after the decades-old protected blue groper was speared by a fisherman in front of beachgoers inside a marine reserve.
Kind of embarrassing, but this actually made me tear up a little. The fact that the community was so excited over a fish, something that doesn’t usually fall into the category of “charismatic species” that the public cares about, and it was so well-loved and had a name, and then died in such a sad manner?
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This honestly made me tear up, a 17 year old engene named zika has passed away in gaza. this breaks my heart deeply. she was a fan just like us with dreams to one day see the boys. please try your best to spread her letter so it can possibly reach the boys!
@021894s @dr0wnme0ut @yvnempire @un06 @hee-dazed @heejake-hoon @karinasbaby @en-geneisaxx @enh4s @dollyyun @goldenretrieverjakezgirlbaby @slickchickchocolatier @yeonzzzn @urfavouriteanon @stickypiratepeach @j3nnypng @hoondrop @hoonharem @simpjaes @heeverseblog @heeslomll @jakesangel @acestuffs @dazed-enha @ikeuluvr @ikeuhoonverse
#enhypen#engene#gaza#rest in piece zika#zika we love you#hopefully she’s in a better place where she’s safe and healthy#this honestly made me fucking cry big time#honestly#my heart hurts#surrik i <3#hopefully this reaches the boys#where they can read her letter that she made for them#surrik i talks#jake sim#lee heeseung#park jongseong#park sunghoon#jay park#park jay#kim sunoo#nishimura riki#ni ki#yang jungwon
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I love how well George Rexstrew delivers emotions as Edwin, because when he's losing it he does not hold back. That man can scream and it'll be shrill, a banshee howl of anguish. He's playing a ghost and those fucking screams will haunt you.
But he also has the most amazing facial expressions for various emotions.
One particular one that really gets to me, is when he's ranting about their purpose, about how he and Charles didn't matter, but their cases do, Charles points out that they haven't solved Crystal's case yet either.
Edwin looks at him with this haunted, caged expression on his face for a long moment. I'm not sure if he looks like that at other times, but he looks like Charles has cornered him. He knows Charles is attached to Crystal and it scares him, but he can't explain, so he just settles on looking down in defeat without a word. He's so scared of having been replaced- and that's when Crystal takes his hand and tells him he does matter.
#dead boy detectives#'p'lice don't know what to do with a FUCKING WITCH' he's so upset poor bby#Edwin makes my heart hurt ._.#dbda meta
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In an alternate universe I hope I am loved.
unconditionally,
irrevocably,
eternally,
and endlessly.
#heartbrokcnn#heartbroken#i hate you#heartbeat#hurtful#i love you#love me#i hate it so much#someone you loved#you broke my fucking heart#i miss you#comeback#sad poetry#sad quotes#sad aesthetic#sad thoughts
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Something about the fact that these shots are all grouped together, one after another, visually giving them equal weight just gets me. The narrative knows what's going to happen between JGY and Huaisang at this point, knows how it's going to treat JGY at the end of everything. And it still takes time to show Meng Yao instinctively and immediately going in front of Huaisang and Huaisang instinctively and immediately hiding behind him. It takes the time--literally, showed it in the background and focused on it with the same general amount of time as the other shots--to show that this act of protection and trust are just as real and true as Jiang Cheng defending his sister, as Wen Qing defending her younger brother.
Like, I dunno! There are other Nie juniors there! They have swords and shit! Huaisang could have gone and hid behind the wall, but he hid behind Meng Yao! And Meng Yao could have moved back with Huaisang, but he steps directly in front of him!
There's a lot CQL did to JGY's character and narrative that I don't like and that flatten or just straight up erase his full complexity. But I really appreciate the lengths that it went to in Episode 4 to explicitly tell us that he does not hesitate to protect Huaisang, even though at this point he does not have a sword and definitely does not have anywhere near the same cultivation power (if any) as any of the rest of the people in the room.
Right now, after being publicly humiliated, unarmed and definitely outclassed, he is brave. Along with the rest of the characters, he's allowed to be uncomplicatedly young and loyal and just as innocent as any of the other students there.
#Besides Wen Chao fuck u bud#Honestly I think that along with Xichen Huaisang is the other person he legitimately never considered hurting#(In the same way that he didn't consider killing Mingjue hurting them but I digress)#With Xichen I think there were plenty of times were he came to the conclusion that fucking him over or overtly manipulating him#in a disadvantageous way would benefit himself and he actively decided that he would not do that#Whereas with Huaisang I just get the impression that it never occurred to him to do that#And I'm not saying that was ALWAYS out of the goodness of his heart#I think he genuinely didn't think he would get anything out of taking advantage of Huaisang personally or politically#Which is not the most ringing of endorsement next to 'I knew I could and chose not to'#But it wasn't ALWAYS that#for a man who has to constantly be on guard and look for leverage in every single interaction and aspect of his life#I think it's pretty significant that he let Huaisang in so close that he was shocked when he found a metaphorical sword in his chest#along with the physical one#Because in never trying to hurt him he never felt he had to defend against him#He loved him. They both loved each other :(#Also him finding Huaisang's bird antics so genuinely amusing in the background of this ep is just 😭#jgy#nhs#my stuff#jgy meta#nhs meta#text
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regret
#literally excuse the shitty anatomy and cell shading i was thinking abt chuuyas reaction to what he'd done and i decided to make it skk#bc skk copium :')#the way i've hated dazai so fucking much but i still cried like a bitch when he died#he's not dead the bsd fandom has this phase like the elevator chapter where we're like ''dazai's not gonna make it he's done for!!''#and then he comes back next chapter like surprise bitches yall thought i was dead lmao#this chapter fucking HURT for skk shippers tho like we rly lost this time around huh#deluding myself into thinking that chuuya used gravity manipulation to slow the bullet#bc we didn't see a bullet hole behind dazais head like when chuuya shot his shoulder even though the bullet to his skull was fired at close#the reason theres a wound is bc the compressed air that was still fired was enough to wound him#and the shock wave that followed caused him to pass out bc of the sudden tension to his head intermingled with the blood loss and poison#we also know dazai can control his heart rate at will so maybe he can drop his pulse to zero for like thirty secs#enough to make fyodor believe he's dead#in the event that all of this is untrue and dazai rly does die the way my entire being will go numb and cold and dead#knowing that fyodor will most likely use dazai's death as a weapon against chuuya effectively chaining him to his side#like bffr chuuya may dislike dazai but that's his partner his reflection the boy that makes him desperately want to be human#dazai is the embodiment of chuuyas humanity and once chuuya loses that tether to his human side he will snap and the facade will shatter#and we will truly see chuuya unhinged with nothing more keeping him bound to his mortal shell#this wasn't the skk reunion we wanted asigiri what the fuck :(#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#nakahara chuuya#chuuya nakahara#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#skk#soukoku#lotus draws
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iceman + his concern for maverick post-hop 31
#icemav#top gun edit#ice is a FASCINATING one to watch post-hop 31 imo because while yes‚ obviously‚ the focus is on maverick and his grief and devastation#ice is there the whole time in the background‚ watching. and he's visibly disturbed by what he's seeing. because yeah -#he and mav had a rivalry going and yeah he called maverick dangerous and reckless to his face and he stands by that - he does.#but the problem is that this time - this one fluke freak accident of a time - it wasn't maverick's fault at all.#an unrecoverable flat spin brought on by a compressor stall from ice's jetwash isn't something that maverick could've outflown#by sticking to textbook maneuvers. it was just shit luck and shitty circumstances aligning to create a tragic mishap.#but now - now ice can see the way maverick is unraveling in the aftermath#and i'd bet that on some level it terrifies him to see that.#he's used to seeing maverick with all that brash cocky confidence with the moves to back it up.#he's maybe even had a bit of fun jockeying against that. not that he'd admit that out loud. (yet)#but maverick's spiraling now - a hollowed out shell of his former self - leaking grief and self-doubt and despair everywhere he goes#and it actually hurts to look at for ice‚ seeing maverick like this. seeing how much maverick really REALLY fucking cared under that facade#and wondering if maverick is finally taking the stuff ice said to him to heart‚ but applying it all wrong.#so he watches maverick and eventually that concern builds to a point where he tries to offer an olive branch in the locker room#you can SEE how carefully he gathers himself - how much he's holding back - he doesn't want to say the wrong thing to maverick NOW#he doesn't want to make this worse than it already is. so it comes out stilted. it's earnest - but restrained. he can't find his footing.#he doesn't know where he and maverick stand now but he's sorry - that goose is gone‚ that maverick's going through this‚#that he doesn't know how to help or what to say‚ and - crucially - for his own part in this.#but he wants mav to stick around and push through this. even though he's dangerous. even though he's reckless. ice wants him to beat this.#so when maverick shows up to graduation‚ ice is encouraged. and he's a little warmer. maverick really might pull through.#but then‚ all too soon‚ it's ice's life on the line in maverick's hands. and it scares the shit out of him because maverick's not ready#and now ice - and slider - are going to have to pay the price for that.#and then‚ against all odds‚ maverick pushes through. he comes back for them. he comes back for ice.#and after that...well.#after that‚ ice does know what to say: a vow.#my amvs#linds original
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"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."
#critical role#ygifs#cr3#fearne#she got me fucked up#her leaving her treasured cherished postcards at the altar of the raven queen where so many memories are left#leaving the one thing that had been her lifeline and her hope. the most important thing to her and she leaves them behind#because they weren't what she thought they were.#her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself#because she was sad and angry and alone#this faun wearing her heart on her sleeve and running from what hurts her and it's just. ms johnson i'm#''do you think it’s the world changing you or do you think it’s you changing in the world?'' ''yes.'' girl i'm on my knees#I couldn't be more grateful fearne continued from exu this growth hurts so so so good I'd die for her#fearne angry? delicious. fearne sad? delicious. fearne tits? del-#fearne this episode you can really taste the If I'm Not Pleasing People It's My Fault When They Leave and it bit me
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like tree, like apple
#NEPO BABIES UNITE 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#myart#elias bouchard#gwen bouchard#gwendolyn bouchard#tma#tmp#tmagp#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol#it’s technically both of them ok. dont bite my head off thank uuuu#eyestrain#week 2 pacing around the house thinking about the bouchard family and how much everyone sucks there#actually unbearable people to be around#inb4 next week’s episode proves that elias has never existed or whatever. WHATEVER. LEAVE ME ALONE#in my heart i know the reveal is happning in like (opens my third eye) s2. and in my heart i know they are siblings#Ok. Trust me on this one. inb4 they reveal elias to be some estranged uncle#as u can see i’ve thought about this a normal amount#I just made like my appendix hurt thinking sbout how much i want them to interact it’s over BRO IT’S OVERRRR#the way every bouchard is straight up Doomed because of their upbringing . UNWELL. inb4 gwen becomes the head of oiar and it’s all fucked.#There is something much more sinister going on
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One thing that I feel is really interesting and often forgotten about Essek is that fundamentally, his characterization has been from the start based upon his desperation for external perspectives and connection, which, along with much of his narrative and mechanical positioning, means that he actually has an extraordinary and almost (but not actually, as I'll show) counterintuitive capacity for both growth and trust.
(Buckle in. This is a long one.)
In particular, I would argue, knowing now that many places where the plot touches Ludinus have long been marked for connecting back into the current plot, that he was quite possibly built as a prime candidate for radicalization by the Ruby Vanguard. He felt isolated from his culture, he was desperate for other connection, and he was certainly of the type to believe he was too smart to be drawn into such a thing, given his initial belief that he could control the situation and the fallout. If things had gone any other way, he easily could've been on the other side by now.
As such, he has been hallmarked by being fairly open to suggestion, perhaps for this reason, but the thing about that kind of trait is that it is both how people are radicalized and deradicalized. This is certainly true of Essek, who experienced genuine kindness and quite frankly strangeness from the Nein and was able to move from the isolation the Assembly had engendered to meaningful and genuine connection, largely propelled by his own internal reflection. By the time Nein are aware of his crimes, he's already begun to express regret to an extent and, furthermore, doubt in the Assembly, including explicitly drawing a line against Ludinus, even in a position where he was on his own and probably quite vulnerable.
Similarly, when the Nein reach the Vurmas Outpost some weeks later, he has moved from regret for the position he's ended up carrying a heavy remorse. This makes sense! He's fairly introspective, seems used to spending a lot of time in his own head, and was left with plenty to mull over. It's not some kind of retcon for him to have progressed well past where the Nein left him; it just means he's an active participant in the world who has done his own work in the meantime.
This is another interesting aspect to him. I've talked about this a bit before but I cannot find the post so I'll recap here: antagonists in D&D have significantly more agency than allied NPCs. Antagonists are active forces, against which the party is meant to struggle; allies are meant to support the PCs, which means they tend to be more passive in both their actions and their character growth. Essek was both built as an antagonist, in a position that gives him significant agency, and also was then given significant opportunity to grow specifically to act as a narrative mirror for Caleb's arc. Even when he becomes a more traditional D&D ally, he still retains much of that, though he occupies a supporting role.
I believe that this is especially true because of the nature of Caleb's arc, which I've already written on; the tl;dr of this post is that Caleb is both convinced that he is permanently ruined and also desperate to prove that change is possible. Essek is that proof, because he is simply the character in a position to do so. But this also means that his propensity for introspection and openness is accentuated! He has to do the legwork on his own, for the most part, because that's where he is in the meantime.
But he still ends the campaign necessarily constricted; he is under significant scrutiny, he's at risk from the Assembly, and he goes on the run fairly soon after the story ends. He spends most of the final arc anxious and paranoid, which is valid given the crushing reality of his situation. It would be very easy to extrapolate that seven years into this reality, he would be insular, closed off, and suspicious of strangers, even in spite of the lessons he's learned from the Nein and their long term exposure.
So seeing his openness and lightness now is surprising, but at the same time, given this combination of factors in his position in the narrative over time and his defining traits, it's not by any means unreasonable.
But one thing that I found so delightful is how much trust he exhibits, which is obviously a wild thing to say about Essek in particular, given much of what he learns is both earning and offering trust, which was something he says explicitly in 2x124 that he's never really experienced: "I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust." It makes up much of the progression of his relationship with Caleb, and the trust that he is offered by the Nein in walking off the ship is the impetus he needs to grow.
But I think it's easy to talk about trust when it comes to people who have proven themselves to you or to whom you've ingratiated yourself, and that's really the most we can say about Essek by the time he leaves the Blooming Grove. There is this sense in a lot of discussion of trust (not solely in this fandom) that it is only related to either naivete or love, but there's far more to it. Trust at its best is deliberate—cultivating an openness to the world at large is a great way to combat cynicism and beget connection instead. It allows a person to maintain curiosity and be open to experience, but it can be incredibly difficult to hold onto.
It is clear that the Essek we meet now is a very pointedly and intentionally trusting individual. He trusts Caleb and by extension Caleb's trust in Keyleth, as he shows up and picks up a group of strangers from a foreign military encampment and walks in without issue. He trusts the Hells to follow his lead moving through Zadash and to exhibit enough discretion so as to avoid bringing suspicion upon all of them. He trusts that Astrid will respond well to his entrance, but he also trusts himself and the Hells enough to execute a back-up plan in the case that she doesn't. In the end, he even trusts them enough to give them his name and identity.
He doesn't scan as someone who has spent half a dozen years living like a prey animal, afraid of any shadow he runs across in an alley, withdrawn into himself and an insular family, which would've been an easy route for him to take. He scans as someone who has learned the kind of trust borne of learned confidence and a trained eye for good will and kindness, which are crucial weapons one would need for staving off cynicism in his circumstances—as if he has survived thanks more to connection and kindness than paranoia and isolation. (If we want to be saccharine about it, he scans quite poignantly as a member of the Mighty Nein.)
So it is easy to imagine this trust and openness as a natural progression of his initial search for perspectives external to his own cultural knowledge. Though he makes those first connections with the Assembly to try to vindicate his personal hypotheses, he finds in them exposure to the deepest corruption among Exandrian mortals, which could've—and did, for a time—turned him further down that same dark path.
But it's also this same openness to exposure from the wider world that allows the Nein to influence him for the better, and in spite of the challenges he's certainly faced simply surviving over the past seven years, he seems to have held onto this openness enough to move through the world with self-assurance and a willingness to extend the kinds of trust and good will that he has been shown.
(I would be remiss not to mention that I was reminded about my thoughts on this by this lovely post from sky-scribbles and their use in the tags of 'light' to describe Essek's demeanor this episode, which is really such an apt word for it.)
#something something hope is a weapon hope is a discipline hope is a garden to cultivate!!!#HE'S SO GOOD HE IS TRULY EXEMPLAR OF THE WHOLE PHILOSOPHY OF THE NEIN AND I DO NOT THINK THAT'S AN ACCIDENT#truly just like. enormous proponent of letting trust and curiosity into your heart regardless of the horrors.#it's hard and it makes you more vulnerable and sometimes it hurts so so much but it will also save your fucking life!#cr spoilers#critical role#essek thelyss#cr meta#I was gonna apologize for the length but I'm not sorry. I'm also not sorry for being insane about him but he's so special to me.#head in my hands he's so GOOD HE'S BEST BOI! GUIDING LIGHT NORTH STAR!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!#also truly if i had two nickels for a span of time with no essek sightings where I wrote a lot of fic#with deliberate personal acknowledgment that I was writing some pretty maximal arcs for him in terms of character growth#and then end up getting essek for half an episode and having to go OH WE'RE GOING THAT FAR ACTUALLY. FUCKING INCREDIBLE.#yanno. two nickels. but good lord I am thriving that it's happened twice#augh this is ONE of the pieces I need to write this week. we're not gonna talk about it
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(i'll never know what it's like to love you)
#oh you know how you end up putting your heart in a cage never to be hurt again#do you. see what i did there#DO U GET IT#METAL GRATE OVER HIS HEART AND ALL#implied couch#whatever whatever theyre aughhhh#i actually dont really like this comic because among other things i fucked up with the saturation of the colors but whatever#the lyrics are from 'white knuckle jerk' by will wood. ok#vw made me start drawing comics. one drawing isnt enough to express how much i hate them#what if they banged and it was sad#<- this tag is actually stolen from another vw comic that i saw a while ago and couldnt stop thinking about#trigun#trigun 98#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun maximum#trimax#nicholas d. wolfwood#nicholas d. wolfwood fanart#vash the stampede#vash the stampede fanart#vashwood#vashwood fanart#will wood#my art
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stardewdles :3
#good lord its been a while since ive had to draw with my finger.. now i remember why its so callused#i cant sleep so i wanted to draw but my finger hurts so now i have to stop ;w;#i thought i was gonna go for alex. but then. harvey 8 heart event#im fucking whipped for this guy not even my commitment to the bit can stop me#my art#myart#doodles#sdv#stardew valley#sdv harvey#sdv demetrius#my mom named one of the rabbits kuneho
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Wholeheartedly
#(but not willingly)#they makr me insaaaaaaane bc its like.#wanting to be who you used to be. wanting to go back to when things didnt hurt all the time#ignoring the fact that even back then things were still bad#it was bad and it still is bad but now its bad and also painful constantly#and just bad is better than pain#but its not possible to go back bc ur not that person anymore#and 'that person' is now seperate from you#and he doesnt know anything#and all you want anymore is to join with him so you can both be the 'you' that was sad and lonely and abused#but at least you werent in pain#this actually doesnt have much to do with the art itself i just felt like rambling about vanitas bc hes fucked ip#and deserves therapy for *gestures vaugely* all that#vanitas#ventus#vanven#in spirit#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts birth by sleep#kh#kh bbs#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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i just know nobody from bakusquad will refrain from teasing katsuki for being so gay on the battlefield.
#‘how’s ur heart?’ – ‘fine. it doesn’t hurt’ – ‘no i meant is it still beating for deku-kun ;))’ – ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP’#mina will go insane#I WANT BAKUSQUAD CASUALLY CHATTING AND BEING A CHAOTIC FRIENDS GROUP THEY AREEEE#also i want izuku and katsuki being too fucking stuck with each other all the time so bakusquad cant hang out without izuku glued to kacchan#i miss silly brosistps :(#bakudeku#bkdk#bakugou katsuki#bnha#izuku midoriya#mha#mha spoilers#my hero academia#bnha spoilers#boku no hero academia
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i like it when you hug me (‘cause i kind of feel you love me)
| leah williamson x reader | trigger warning for mentions of depression and self-loathing. please read at your own discretion!
~~~
“Hey…”
The voice echoing through the room had you burrowing yourself impossibly deeper into your comforter, nearly hiding your face beneath the blanket- the light peeking in from the hallway very much unwelcome in the dark room.
Shaking your head, you let out a shaky breath, quickly running your sleeve over your botched face, wiping it in case the quilt was moved away from you.
Stilling your movements, you listened carefully, on alert as Leah’s hesitant footsteps headed closer to the bed- closer to you.
With each subsequent step, you found yourself wishing she hadn’t entered the room at all and the self-aware part of you felt a pang of guilt bloom from your chest, mentally chastising yourself for being so selfish.
Please don’t care about me. Please just turn and leave.
You swallowed hard as the voices in your head spoke, eyes widening as you felt the bed dip. Curling in on yourself and shuffling backwards, you buried yourself further into the sheets.
Right now, all you wanted to be was alone. The kind of alone where your phone doesn’t make a sound, even though your ringer’s on blast. The alone where your door doesn’t move, not by a single millimetre, because no one’s coming in but you. The alone where it’s heartbreakingly lonely, achingly so, but you can’t think of a single person to call. You just wanted to be alone.
Holding your breath as the blonde neared your lumpy form, you waited cautiously for her next move- body on alert, ready to move further back at the slightest of touch.
You weren’t you right now and she most definitely didn’t need to witness that first hand- it was already embarrassing enough that you were hiding out in your shared bedroom all day, avoiding your girlfriend like the bubonic plague.
Lips moving but no sound coming out, you mouthed a silent plea to the universe, begging that she didn’t come closer. You didn’t know how badly you’d break if she did- and you didn’t want to find out.
Unluckily Luckily for you, almost as if your silent prayers were heard, Leah didn’t reach out for you, hand staying firmly put in the space between.
Smiling sadly to yourself, you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at her lack of touch, hand itching to pull her close, devil on your shoulder telling you to push her so far she forgot she was your home.
Taking a silent shuddering breath, pleading for the assault of thoughts in your head to go away, you did your best to be quiet. You tried your hardest not to acknowledge her presence, instead hoping she’d go soon enough. She didn’t need to be around you when you were like this. No one did. No one deserved that.
Quietly praying she’d leave you be, that she’d make this easy on you, you slowly moved your hand to wipe it on the bottom of your hoodie, hands sweating nervously.
I’m asleep. You can go. I’m perfectly fine.
The words you wanted to say but couldn’t- the lump in your throat holding you back.
Rather, you waited patiently for her to make a move, one that hopefully got you out of this situation without too many cruel words said, in your mind or elsewhere.
Unfortunately for you, regardless of the absolute pitch-black darkness in your room, Leah caught the movement, softly speaking when she realised you were most definitely awake.
“How we feeling about dinner?”
You stayed quiet at her words, hoping she’d convince herself you were asleep and leave.
You let the uncomfortable silence rest in your bones, its familiar presence a comfort.
You didn’t deserve to be taken care of. Especially not after how you’d hidden yourself away in your shared bedroom all day- ignoring Leah, the skipper being nothing if not understanding, letting you be as you pulled away. You didn’t deserve it and your brain did a hell of a job reminding you so.
Pity’s what brought her here- a clear look at you and she’ll run.
The long silence that accompanied the voice in your head was uncomfortable but you were used to it.
Taking small breaths to not make a sound, you felt your chest tighten with each passing second that she stayed.
I don’t want you here. I don’t want you here. Not for me but because you deserve better.
The words repeated in your head as your heart constricted, tired of you and wanting to be wrapped around your lover’s arms as much as you wanted her to go away.
It seemed like Leah knew as much, her shuffling closer to you and you could soon tell she was lying on the bed beside you.
“I know you’re awake…”
Her whispered words had your body tensing, any hope that you had of her leaving washing away as your leg vibrated restlessly.
You felt her gently tug on the edge of your quilt and you contemplated resisting, wanting to tuck yourself away in a cocoon but not being able to bring yourself to do so, guilt resting heavy on your shoulders.
Instead you slowly gave in to the skipper’s prodding, wincing as the cool air of the room hit you, reddened eyes and blotchy cheeks making themselves known in the dim light.
Shutting your eyes closed as her face came into view, you tried to shake the image of her pitiful gaze from your mind.
You deserve better. You deserve better. You deserve better than me.
The words continued to repeat, an echo in your otherwise silent mind.
You shouldn’t love me. You shouldn’t love me. You shouldn’t love me. You should leave.
Clenching your jaw, you missed the way Leah’s face softened at your clear distress.
She knew your mental health wasn’t the best, but she never got to witness just how poor it really got- not until now at least.
The way you had sluggishly left your bed nearly two hours after your alarm this morning- how you had hid from her all day, not bothering to have anything more than a few spoonfuls of yogurt for breakfast, completely foregoing lunch, and now, quite possibly dinner. The signs were clear, you weren’t fine.
You weren’t okay, not one bit, but if Leah had anything to say on it, she ached to tell you it was okay.
It was okay to not be you today, not when she was here, you didn’t have to run and hide.
But she couldn’t tell you right now, not with the way you barely met her gaze, head tucked in the crook of your elbow, tear-stricken cheeks just barely hidden, body tense.
So instead she placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, moving the arm on your face to the side as her hands travelled to your torso.
Tugging gently, the blonde pulled you into her embrace, hands coming to wrap around your midsection as you complied, tucking yourself into her side, too tired to protest.
If words weren’t what you wanted to hear, then she’d speak to you with her touch.
Continuing her efforts, you let out a small sigh as her hand came to smooth your messy hair, scratching your scalp gently, just how she would when she’d comfort you after a tough loss.
The ministrations coupled with the faint touch of her rubbing circles on your back, and you could feel your body relax, gears in your mind beginning to slow as your hands shyly made their way to grab fistfuls of her hoodie, not wanting the comfort to leave- not wanting her to leave.
Surprised at the Englishwoman’s actions, you burrowed your face into the crook of her neck as you felt the knot around your heart loosen just a tad bit, a grateful breath escaping you.
You sunk into her grasp as you ignored the dying voices yelling in your head, your weight rest wholly on top of the midfielder's body, back muscles going slack as you let her warmth break through the iciness plaguing you.
Thank you for staying, for being patient, for caring.
The words went unspoken whilst you waited as the rock in your throat to slowly shrink.
And as a minute passed and then two, her grasp on you only getting stronger, more assuring, you couldn't help be grateful.
All your unsaid words from earlier finally had the chance to be spoken now, chest light, speech coming easy.
Letting yourself snuggle into Leah’s hold, feeling her place a soft kiss on your crown, you finally had a breath of comfort, nearly crying in relief.
Though the voices in your head didn’t quite disappear, she made living a bit easier, the simple act of breathing no longer a chore.
It’s why your murmured words finally came easy, heart floating, your grip tightening in adoration.
“I love you.”
#fuck it not proofread#based on the song half hearted by we three#s/o to the one person from the poll that listens to we three! :D#leah williamson x reader#leah williamson imagine#leah williamson#woso one shot#woso fanfics#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso#woso community#my writing#blurb#iliwyhm#hurt/comfort
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