#but it felt soooo femme to me

[graham--folger]

okay but there was something undeniably femme about crowley’s 1827 fit, right? we all agree on this?

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

It’s always interesting stumbling upon those people on the internet that are just so clearly wrong you don’t even want to argue

[moirasdolly]

Venture With a Taller Hyper Femme Reader ˖ ࣪ 𝇋♡︎𝇌 ׂ

Contains: Slightly suggestive content, Sloan being cute and affectionate, puppy-like reader

Listening to ♪ ིྀ: 2 Die 4 - Addison Rae & Charli xcx

Notes: I’ve been wanting to write for them soooo bad AHHH this is highly self indulgent though… They need a femme princess like me and that’s my truth 🐩 Also i diddd use google translate for some of the pet names and whatnot, PLEASE let me know if i messed anything up.

• Short, chipped, black nails, oversized clothes, dark colors and earth tones, and heavy combat boots contrasted your always perfectly manicured nails, pink, black and white color palette, tight fitting clothes that showed off your body, and dainty Mary Jane’s. They do say opppsites attract ♥︎.

• You took hours to get ready, but Sloan absolutely adored the way you looked when you got all dolled up (they loved you without makeup too, but that’s a given.) Their favorite pass-time while they wait for you to finish is to watch you from your shared bed and shower you with compliments, they just can’t help it. You always felt your best with big lashes, blushed cheeks, and plump glossy lips.

• “Stop it Sloan! You’re messing up my makeup!” You giggled uncontrollably as they cupped your cheeks and peppered kisses all over your face. You tried to be angry, but their love was so infectious that you felt your heart melt at how sweet and affectionate they were. “You love it, mi vida.”

• Sloan would never let you being taller than them be an obstacle. Have you seen the drill they carry around? No matter how tall you are, they make it their mission to carry you like a princess whenever they can. The feeling of their rough, calllused hands sliding under your thighs as you wrap your legs and arms around them is the most comfortable feeling in the world, and you both cherish the close proximity dearly. When you first started dating them, you were slightly self conscious about the fact that you were taller often asking, “Promise you won’t drop me?” Sloan quickly wiped all doubt from your mind though, being in their arms was the most stable you’ve ever felt.

• Sloan has a flair for the dramatic too. If they spot a puddle on the sidewalk, expect yourself to be swept off your feet bridal style only for them to walk 2 feet over the puddle, and be let down gently after. It makes you giggle everytime and although it was a bit silly, you secretely loved how chivalrous they were.

• “Watch out, muñeca!” Sloan called out before sweeping you up into their arms. A little gasp was pulled from your lips as you felt yourself being lifted into their strong arms. You eyed their flexing biceps as you wrapped your arms around their neck gently. “My knight in shining armor! What would I do without you?” You repay their antics with a chaste kiss to the cheek, leaving a pink glossy mark where your lips had previously been. Their cheeks heated up at your affection and they huffed out a laugh. “Anything for my princess.” They muttered as water droplets splashed onto their boots. When they didn’t let you down you tilted your head in confusion, “Baby, you can let me down now.” Their hold on you tightened, adjusting their grip on you slightly. “Hm… I don’t think I will.”

• Honestly… They fuel your shopping addiction I fear! They would never pass up an opportunity to accompany you while you looked around the mall, offering to buy you anything you picked up. You always refused, wanting to buy things for yourself, you’d just feel too bad for making Sloan spend so much money on you.

• Sloan would assure you they wouldn’t mind paying for things if it would make you happy, but you insisted on the fact that them being there was enough. They would still find a way to sneakily pay for at least some of your stuff and you always gave them a smack on the arm for it. “Sloan…” You stared at them with an accusatory glare. “Sorry my hand slipped, mi reina.”

• It was such a silly sight to see Sloan all tatted up with piercings carrying bags from Victoria’s Secret, Pink, Bath and Bodywork’s, Juicy Couture, and other girly shops for their princessy girlfriend.

• When it came to their work though, that is when you followed them around like a puppy. Often times, Sloan would bring you to their dig sites, and you always stuck close by, trailing them around while they did all the work. You observed them wide eyed and curious as they searched for fossils and artifacts to study later. If you had a tail it would most definitely be wagging when you see how happy Sloan was after finding a particularly cool artifact.

• “What’s that?” “Ooo, how does that work?” “What does this do?” Were all frequent questions that left your mouth when you were Sloan on a dig. Sometimes even when you knew what something was, you still asked them just to hear them ramble on about it. Whatever they were passionate about, it made you happy even if it was on the opposite spectrum from what you usually enjoyed.

• Now for the suggestive content ♥︎.

• They LOVE to see you in cute, frilly lingerie. Like they love it an ungodly amount. Their mind raced with a hundred thoughts a second of what they wanted to do and say to you. Balconette bras, garter belts and garters, lacy panties, stockings, and pretty little slip dresses, anything of the sort, they loved to see you in.

• They just love your body so much. You might feel less feminine for being taller sometimes, but they would make you feel so good about yourself, no thought of self doubt would ever enter your mind again.

• Their rough fingers slipped under your garter belt and lifted it up ever so slightly only to let it snap back against your soft skin. You let out a quiet hiss at the sting and press further into their warm body. “Shhh, mi amor. I’ll kiss it better, yeah?” They mumbled before dipping their head down to your waist and leaving little kisses all over your mid section. You ran your fingers through their soft, messy hair and you hummed in satisfaction. “Thank you, my Sloan.” You mumble softly. All you get in return are more kisses and a soft hum from them.

• They’d be superrrr handsy with you any chance they get. They love rubbing gentle circles into your sides, sliding their hands up your skirt to leave little pinches on your thighs, or holding you from behind and resting their head on your shoulder. If they can be close to you, they will take the opportunity.

• They just love you very much :c They will literally show you love with every action of theirs. They would do anything for their femme princess ♥︎.

[blushedfemmes]

my femme and i had sex yesterday and it ended up me completely naked while she was still in her feminine attire and it was v hot putting that out there felt v butch boy toy

god this is soooo hot, congrats

[malina-33]

Femme Like You - Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Summary: You are the new tour manager for Arctic Monkeys during The Car era. You are practically the only girl in the team, also younger than the rest (27 y.o.), so your skills are immediately called into question. In particular, by the frontman who is not used to being led by a woman.

Word count: 10,2k

Warnings: swearing, emotional swing (is it even a warning?), kind of voyeurism (slight), age gap

A/N: Dear friends, hi!! I know, I know that I've promised you to update the fic every 3 weeks, and the disappeared for 1.5 months, but I spontaneously found a job, so there was very little time. But the chapter is much longer and with some interesting collaborations ;) I'll hope you enjoy them!

And write down what do you think if I make a description of not only the whole work, but also the chapter before each new part? Or is it better to keep the intrigue till the end?

In any case, I look forward to your feedback, it's soooo much important for me. I won't promise to return before the end of September, but I'll do my best not to delay. I already have an interesting plot for the next chapters, you should like it💔

*guys, English isn't my first language so if I have (and I know I have lol) any grammar/logic mistakes don't hesitate to tell me :)

The first week after meeting with the group flew by unnoticed. You dealt with the documentation, understanding how necessary it is, no matter how much you hated it, phoned the representatives of Ashton Gate stadium, made sure that everything was okay and confirmed the presence of the group and even tried to check the weather since the gig would be held outside. However, it turned out to be a little more difficult with the transport company. Apparently, James forgot to warn them about the temporary removal of his duties, so you had to spend time clarifying the situation and explaining who you are. It seemed that your hands-on approach was excessive, because you were trying to control everything in one time, but only due to the feeling of extra responsibility.

Steven, as promised, sent the contacts of the guys and important people from the technical crew, so now your phone had the names of Jamie Cook, Nick O'Malley, Matthew Helders and Alex "dickhead" Turner among others. 19 years old you would definitely envy yourself. So when you got a message while cooking pasta for dinner on Saturday night, you already knew it was from the drummer and not from an anonymous online scammer.

Matthew Helders: "good evening, Miss Y/S! I hope you aren't busy. We'll wait you on the soundcheck on Monday at 2 pm in Domino, need your advice :)"

You almost overcooked Carbonara bacon rereading the message. "Do they really need my advice?" you whispered, furrowing your brows "About what?". But the only answer was:

You: "Sure! Do I need to take some 12% cider?"

Matthew Helders: "you better not show up without a package lol"

Immediately followed by:

Matthew Helders: "just kidding! We are waiting only for you, but in the company of cider it will be even better)"

You chuckled, surprised at how quickly Matt went from formal Miss at the beginning of the conversation to smiles and lols at the end. To tell the truth, you still didn't fully understand how to behave with them. On the one hand, you are their manager and have a certain influence, as well as subordination. Steven and James don't have it, although they are "higher" in position, but they've been friends for half of a life, and you are a completely new person. On the other hand, in this area there is no place for strict formalities, especially since the guys don't look like those who would comply with them. After all they were big kids no matter how mature and pretentious they could look on stage, and you clearly felt it. Maybe your company will help them to relax even more, so there won't be any awkwardness and you will naturally find an edge where all of you will feel comfortable and which no one will cross.

With those thoughts, Carbonara and Rosé you spent your Saturday night watching your favorite series "La Piovra". You got used to such calm and quiet evenings. The era of parties until the morning has passed in the university years, and it’s not that you don’t go to clubs now, it’s just that the older you become the better you began to appreciate moments of silence. Not to be bored alone with yourself is the most valuable skill that you have acquired in your life. Having lived first with your parents for a long time, then getting married early at the age of 20 and having lived with your husband for 3 years, you were essentially not left alone with yourself. Having discovered over time that you feel absolutely nothing for the person whom you said "yes" to in the registry office, you were horrified and frightened to say at least. You thought that you get married once for a lifetime, but it turned out that happy endings exist only in fairy tales. That period of despondency, depression and eventual deepening into work gave its results. Major labels began to notice you, inviting you to musical projects with famous bands such as Maneskin. You worked with them for 1.5 years, leaving after their heyday at the Eurovision, realizing that you can’t give them more. That was your second decision to leave, but unlike the divorce, it didn't bring you much suffering. You understood that you and the group gave each other a lot, and although the parting was bitter, everyone understood that it was necessary. You still remained friends with the guys and periodically wrote off to meet. You planned to go to their concert, but couldn't find the time. And after your assignment to the Monkeys it became even more harder to shedule.

After the divorce you didn't have a serious relationship, instead you had a dream job, money, a car, a country house and even a corgi Grapes. You weren't afraid of the future, loved the time in seclusion and found inner peace by meditating on the production of cider, which was your unusual but very tasty hobby. Were you fully happy, though? Wouldn't you like to cross the threshold of the house and be met not by a dog's barking, but by a warm kiss on the forehead and a quiet "how was your day"? You probably wanted to, but it was hard to admit, especially considering that the fear of intimacy sat somewhere deep inside, not letting you forget the disappointment that you experienced when you removed the engagement ring from your finger. Although you remained friends who didn't hold evil against each other, the bitterness of your marriage was almost impossible to remove from the memories.

But for now, your head has been occupied by the sudden question of where to put Grapes for the duration of the tour...

Monday morning was sunny and peaceful, you woke up in a surprisingly good mood, put on your make-up, put on your favorite lime flared jeans, loaded a case of apple drink from the basemеnt into the car, patted Grapes and drove off to the studio. The road took about an hour, so during this time you managed to phone your father. You haven't talked much lately due to your workload, and now was almost the only time of the day when you were relatively free. You put the speaker phone mode, listening to the slightly hoarse voice of the man, without being distracted from the road.

"Hello my dear! How are you?"

"Hi daddy, I'm fine, going to work right now"

"My busy bee, James has already told me about your progress" you could hear him chuckle, coughing a little. You could only guess what Ford said to your father, because you spoke to him only once in these 2 weeks, when you recalled him after meeting with the group. And not that your story was very colorful. Therefore, the guys or Steven contacted him, and from this point of view, you couldn't imagine what they possibly come up with towards you.

"He assured me the boys liked you"

"Oh, really?" you said on the exhale, squeezing your hands on the steering wheel tightly.

"Yes, James is pleased with you. Well done, babe!" you melted under his words. It felt like you were a little girl again who drew a family picture that was hung on the refrigerator, even though mom and dad looked like monsters.

"Thank you daddy, I'm very happy to be with them actually"

"Of course, in such a company of men. Should I be jealous? 'Cause I looked through their photos on the Internet" dad said proudly, to which you burst out laughing, stopping at a traffic light.

"Dad, c'mon, no! They're too old for me" you laughed.

"10 years are not a big deal. Anyway, your choice. Just don't forget to eat please, I know how tough you work now. Otherwise you'll get drunk on your cider. God, how did you even manage to get into this alcohol sphere..." the man groaned in prostration. You rolled your eyes, but still smiled without answering. You got used to your father's fast flow of different thoughts.

"And don't roll your eyes, little naughty one! I care about you. So if they hurt you, you know who to call, right?"

"Oi, who will offend whom first" you retorted defiantly.

"Okay okay, I won't interrupt anymore. Kiss Grapes for me. I love you"

"And I love you very much, hello mom"

"I'll pass it on, bye!"

You turned off the call, fully focusing on the road. After talking with your parents, you always felt warm in your soul, so up to the studio you didn't leave a smile when you sang songs from the radio under your breath.

You arrived exactly at 2 o'clock, as agreed with Matt, but when you saw a few more cars in the parking lot in addition to the familiar Cadillac, you realized that the guys had been here for a long time. You must have looked a little ridiculous in a business suit and heels and a wooden box under your arm, but you didn't have other choice. Holding the car key in your mouth and trying to press the button at the same time, you clumsily closed the trunk with your leg. A purse was still dangling somewhere on your shoulder, and sunglasses had slipped from head to the bridge of your nose. "Must be an amazing picture to observe" you thought tiredly "Oh, if only Matt were here".

But before you had time to think about it, you heard a soft laugh behind you. You turned around sharply, noticing the frontman smoking alone near the entrance. You spat the key into the box, finally pressing the right button, and shouted

"And how long do you look?"

"I came exactly at the most interesting moment" man smiled, taking a puff.

You heavily crossed the entire parking lot, approaching him. Turner, having finished smoking a cigarette and throwing it into a nearby trash can, silently took the box from your hands.

"Hi, Y/N" he greeted you wheezing nicotine in the lungs.

"Hi," you frowened a little, but slowly added "Alex".

Calling him by his first name was... Unusual. A week ago the appeal to him was exclusively Mr. Turner, but today he was the first to break this line. "Well, apparently, we will both have problems with the boundaries of what is acceptable" bitterly flashed through your thoughts.

You both entered the building - Alex with a box in front, you behind holding the door. The way was silent. You wanted to say something to break this crystal quietness of his, but by the time you mustered up the courage, you stopped at the door 13A. The vocalist pushed it with his left shoulder, squeezing the alcohol forward, and you trotted along.

As soon as you and Alex entered the sound studio, you were immediately greeted with whistling and loud hooting.

"Look who's here, Miss Y/N"

"Hi, guys! I'm here with gifts as promised" you smiled broadly.

Alex at this time put the box on the table and immediately took one bottle for himself.

You noticed that there were Tyler and Tom in the studio as well, so you mentally praised yourself for taking bottles with a margin. You didn't know them personally yet, but was willing to change it. Turner introduced you to the men, and surprisingly you didn't hear his usual sneer in the voice.

"So, welcome Y/N Y/S, she's our manager for the summer before America starts and James gets back"

"Happy to finally meet you!" you were the first to extend your hand to Tyler, which he shook gently, smiling affably, and then to Tom. But he intercepted your hand, kissing your knuckles and making you laugh.

"Mutually, Miss" Rowley said enchanted.

"And she makes her own awesome cider, get one" Matt ordered businesslike, raising his voice from behind the drum kit.

"Yeah, there is enough for everyone, don't hesitate to take"

Evidently you arrived during the break, and before that they had already rehearsed a bit. You were wondering what kind of advice they need from you. The thought that they just needed cider you pushed back with a grin. But Alex, as if reading your thoughts, leisurely started speaking leaning on the table and holding a drink.

"Well, thanks for the cider, but that's not what we called you for. Since you're such a big fan of My Propeller, we discussed it here and decided that it's possible to put one on the set list for a couple of times. So listen to how it sounds, maybe have some ideas or whatevah" he was trying to sound casual, not attaching importance to his words for you.

"I'll do my best!" you almost jumped from such news.

Jamie chuckled audibly, running his fingers over the guitar. You sat down on the couch as Matt tapped the rhythm with his sticks and the melody began.

Seductive. The first association that came to your mind when you heard the intro of this song. It was your favorite from Humbug for sure and one of the band's all time favorites. Alex never told in any interview what was the secret of the lyrics, and probably that was the reason it attracted you even more. The guys played it selflessly, as if there hadn't been those decades that they hadn't performed it. You liked how they gave themselves to the process, even if it was just a rehearsal. They were in simple t-shirts and Matt was proudly wearing pineapple shorts, but you could swear, a real concert was unfolding right in front of you.

When Alex started singing you tried to hide the goosebumps as best as you could, but it hardly worked out well. His voice flowed melodically, not betraying a hint of wheezing or breaking, which could arise due to the age. He closed his eyes, tightly gripping the microphone stand, and moved his feet to the beat, slightly ridiculous, but at the same time gracefully. Throughout the song, you didn’t take your eyes off the group for a minute, sometimes singing along to the words, pulling the last syllable of

 Coax me out my law

And have a spin of my propeller

When the song ended, you clapped and Nick even made a mock bow.

“I don’t know how objective my assessment will be, because apart from the words of delight I have nothing to add” you honestly admitted. It seemed to you that you heard Alex's quiet "As I said", but Matt was quick to interrupt him asking you "Actually, we have already decided to play it in Bristol, but the question is where to chip in. We'll definitely not start with this one, and the outro is already completed, so..."

You thought a little, trying to understand what motives My Propeller reminds you of, and then the penny dropped.

"Pretty Visitors!" you exclaimed louder than you should have because your words echoed through the silent studio.

"Smooth interlude from Pretty Visitors, yeah, not bad actually" Alex quickly developed your idea, turning to Matt, as if asking "Do you mind?", but the drummer only closed his eyes approvingly. It seemed that they didn't need any words at all, they could understand each other with guitar riffs and drum brakes. Their connection, it was amazing, honed to automatism for past 20 years. They were like scientists in a chemistry lab mixing potions together in an attempt to make a new elixir. It was magic to come true and watching this process was so intimate that you involuntarily felt the heat on your cheeks, as if you were engaged in voyeurism.

***

The hours in the studio flew by. Fortunately for you, the guys decided to surprise fans with the return of Mardy Bum which will be the opener. The exact setlist for Bristol was confirmed at the end of the rehearsal, bringing back Teddy Picker and The View From The Afternoon as well. So looking at the perfect 21 songs, you could only imagine what they would save for London. Originally you were going to visit their concert in your hometown, you bought tickets as soon as sales were announced, but after James's call you easily gave the ticket to a friend, saying that you had won a jackpot.

Tom and Tyler have already left and the five of you are left. You were sitting on a soft chair, moved from the corner of the room, and the guys opposite on the sofas. The boys had laid down their guitars and you were leding a peaceful conversation about life, since the studio rental time ended only in an hour. You told them about your career in the industry, Maneskin and the part time projects you've been working on lately, omitting the details of your divorce because you thought it was too early for them to immerse themselves in such personal aspects of your life.

"By the way, Vic is your big fan and Alex in particular" you giggled, remembering the way drunk Maneskin bassist told you that she would like to sleep with Turner. Those were the carefree times of your youth you warmly remembered.

"Really?" Matt raised his eyebrows as he sipped his seemingly endless bottle of cider "You still have their contacts, right?"

"Yeah, sure, we even text each other occasionally" you quipped.

"And you didn't say you were working with us?" Heldres was surprised.

"Actually, somehow it didn't seem possible" you lowered your gaze, "I mean what would it look like? "Hey guys, look who's here, I now manage the Monkeys btw?" - so what?"

You could tell by the Cheshire smile on Matt's bristly face that this was exactly how he thought.

"Oh no, Matthew, don't you-"

"Oh yes, darling, dial FaceTime, you'll show them our doll" the man neighed, turning to Alex, who had been sitting quietly on the couch until this moment, and fidgeted in place after the suggestion.

"For God's sake, Matt, what a kindergarten behavior" the vocalist howled irritably, rolling his eyes, "I don't even remember their names".

The idea of making fun of Turner a little for the morning case with the box and taking revenge seemed to you unexpectedly delightful. Your hand automatically sank into your pants pocket, deftly pulling it out into the light and finding the right WhatsApp chat.

"Don't worry, you just have to say hi to Vic, I'm sure you'll be fine" you sang sweetly, glancing slyly at Matt, who chuckled approvingly, glad that you supported his idea.

Alex only cursed at this and ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it. Either from nerves, or putting his hair in order before the call.

You moved from your seat to the couch between Alex and Matt, gesturing for Nick and Jamie to join. You put your hand in front of you so only your face was visible in the camera frame, waiting for one of the guys to take the call. It might have been a little ill-advised to call like this without warning on a workday evening, but anyway it was already too late, as the beeps trailed in a string of sounds. You hoped that they didn't have a concert today, in any other case, one of them would definitely pick up the phone from you. And by a happy coincidence, it was Vic who ended up on your screen.

"What the hell, Miss Boogie, are you really occasionally calling after all this time of silence?" despite Victoria de Angelis's accusatory words, she sounded playful. She was a little disheveled and with a bright blush on her face. People were walking randomly with the string interruptions in the background. Apparently, the guys were at the soundcheck at one of the venues, and Vic recently finished playing.

Four pairs of eyes openly stared at you with undisguised interest after hearing the nickname, demanding an answer, but you just mouthed "later".

"Awww, sweetheart, and I'm happy to hear you again too!" you said with an ironic smile.

 "I have a lot of news for you, and I will definitely call you in private soon"

"Are you not alone? Who's with you?" the girl even moved closer to the camera in an attempt to see something.

"Well, I have a little surprise for you. Actually four surprises, but one of them you'll find really special" you said conspiratorially, looking around at the guys who were still out of the picture. Alex sat to your right, trying to portray the most distant look, as if everything that was happening was nothing more than baby talk for him.

"Darling, if you have a group orgy without me, then I will be offended and drop the call" the bassist said threateningly, wiping her forehead with a towel that was hung on her shoulder.

You just burst out laughing "Ok ok, I'm not languishing you anymore. I hope you're ready. Boys, say hi to Vics" and you finally moved the camera further so that Matt, Nick and Jamie, who were sitting to your left, got into the camera frame, Alex's appearance you saved for a dessert.

The musician's reaction exceeded all your expectations. At first she narrowed her eyes, bringing the phone even closer to face, and then she widened them with a loud squeal, jumping up from her seat.

"What the hell, Y/N! What the actual fuck, you're a shitty mutherfucker!!!" she covered her mouth with her hand, chaotically moving the phone in different directions. Apparently, other members of the group came running to her scream, as you heard the voice of Damiano asking what happened.

"What happened?" she repeated "The fucking Arctic Monkeys are sitting next to Y/N!" answering a question off-camera and stabilizing the phone. Now you could clearly see the vocalist leaning over her shoulder, Thomas to the side and Ethan slightly behind.

Finally, the men next to you decided to introduce themselves "Hey, guys, what's new?" Matt said smiling to the camera, Jamie and Nick just waved their hands in a friendly manner.

"Oh my God, what's going on" Vic, still dumbfounded, spoke with a face of complete amazement. Damiano, who quickly figured out the whole situation and realized that Vic was unlikely to be able to communicate normally now, carefully took the phone from her hands.

"Hi, Y/N, long time no see! Hi, boys, how fresh you are" the frontman winked. The words "for your age" were suggested mutely, but David left them behind the scenes. The men next to you just laughed quietly at this remark and saluted the Italian boy.

"Vic, that's not all yet, look who's next to me" wanting to finally finish off your friend, you moved the camera to the side, revealing Alex's presence, who was already sitting with a polite smile on his face, leaning on the sofa armrest.

"Hi, love" Turner murmured hoarsely, turning on his usual charisma. You were surprised how quickly he went from "fuck off everyone" to his stage persona. Indeed, a skill acquired over the years.

De Angelis, after looking at the camera for just a second, squealed even harder than the first time, which you even grimaced a little, because in a quiet studio it sounded deafening.

The camera was still held by Damiano, but the girl in the frame could be seen doubled over, holding back cries of happiness. Her guys just laughed out loud at this, knowing full well what a strong fan of Alex she was.

"Y/N, I'm going to fucking kill you, I'll strap your ass so you can't sit still for another week, what are you doing to me?" Vic didn't let go of expressions, which made the men next to you shamelessly laugh, even Turner smiled predatoryly.

"Holy shit, you're real" the girl muttered in one breath.

Her adoration entertained Alex. Celebrities fangirling celebrities wasn't an unknown story for Alex, so the way Vic behaved didn't annoy him, but brought a feeling of sincere pleasure from what was happening.

"It would be strange if I wasn't, mhm?" the man grunted, changing the position - now he rested elbows on his knees, bringing the face closer to your phone. You could smell his light apple scent from the cider you both drank and the cigarette halo that soaked into all of the frontman's clothes.

Damiano finally decided to take control over the situation by turning the camera completely on himself.

"So, Y/N, if you wanted to surprise Vic, then you succeeded 100%! But we are now at soundcheck, and we don't have much time, and she" nodding towards the bassist "still needs to be brought to her senses. We were extremely happy to hear from you, babe. Call us when you are free and tell us everything in detail. Miss you very much!"

"Guys, me too! Love ya, see you at Glasto!"

"Wait! Take a screenshot!" Vic's desperate exclamation came from Damiano's left side.

He made a focused face, looking for the right buttons, while you and the men simultaneously smiled at the camera.

"Send it to the chat" you asked, ending the call and blowing a virtual kiss. You obviously cut off Vic's "I love you" without being entirely sure it was addressed to you.

The studio immediately froze in deafening silence. You put your phone down on the coffee table, still smiling.

"That was a real buzz, they're cute" Matt said leaning back on the couch. The mood of the guys clearly improved by this little conversation. You were glad that you could somehow diversify their evening after a productive and exhausting day. Even Alex stopped keeping his always compressed lips and frowning eyebrows.

"So, Miss Boogie, right?" Jamie began slyly, reminding you of your infamous nickname.

An approving "ooooo" reverberated around the room, from which you hid behind your palms.

"Damn, I was hoping you'd forget" you muttered from your hiding place.

"C'mon, we're intrigued already" Nick reached out to you through Matt, gently taking your hands away from your face.

Jamie suddenly started chanting your name, encouraging you to reveal this terrible secret, and Matt whistled as if Sheffield FC had just scored a goal.

"God, okay, just shut up please" you gave up.

The four men took more comfortable positions in anticipation of your story.

"In fact, there is nothing special in this story, it's just stupid. When Maneskin was approved for Eurovision, we went to celebrate, how can we not. It was in Milan. We got very drunk in a bar and went for a walk around the city. It was about 3 in the morning, and to entertain ourselves we played Truth or Dare. The most banal thing that could be, but nothing better came to mind. And I chose Dare, 'cause everyone else only cowardly told their secrets. So Vic asked me to dance for a minute on the street to any song that a passerby would name. Well, since at such time you are unlikely to meet any adequate passerby, we only found a beggar in the square. I don’t know how old he was, but the first song that he remembered was Boogie Wonderland" at this point you made a dramatic pause, "so yes, I had to dance to this song at night in front of other poor people who came up to us. Since then they call me Miss Boogie. Everyone is satisfied now, having fun, huh?"

You intentionally crossed your arms in insult, surreptitiously watching the laughing band.

"I bet there's a video" Matt said cheekily.

"Yes, there is, but you'll never see it!" you retorted quickly, glaring at the drummer.

"Your hot cheeks make me want to see this video even more" Nick teased tapping Matt on the shoulder.

"You know what," Alex suddenly announced, "choose any song you want. We play it, and you show the video"

You could swear your jaw was somewhere on the floor.

"Woah, did you decide to go all-in?" Matt asked, also not expecting such a generous offer "Be careful, otherwise you will have to play a Taylor Swift song"

"Ouch, why do you think I like her?"

"Who doesn't like her?"

"Your truth" you nodded approvingly.

"I meant our song. We'll perform it at the concert" Turner interrupted your dialogue, looking at you testily from under his eyelashes.

There was a slight silence, which you broke with a heavy sigh.

"Wow, okay, this is getting interesting" you muttered, leaning back on the couch like Helders had done earlier. The three men to your left looked at each other in surprise, waiting for an answer, while you've been thinking, looking at the frontman.

"Certain Romance," you easily stated, "I want this one"

"Your wish is my command, Miss Boogie," he joked without any hint of smile, standing up "you guys remember how to play it, don't you?"

The guys looked at each other dumbfounded, unable to find words for such a drastic change in the behavior of the vocalist, but after a discordant series of affirmative nods, they received a condescending smile from him.

"Well, that's great, there's still time to rehearse. I propose Sheffield!" Alex said solemnly, thrusting his hands into the pockets.

"Al, ru ok?" Matt raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"All right, man" Turner said artificially.

"This house is a circus indeed" swirled through your head. Alex's behavior was defiant. Emerging into conflict. Literally a minute ago everything was peace and quiet, and now he, like a proud peacock, was arranging a show for you at the level of a cheap soap opera.

"No, but seriously, let's even organize a lottery, since Y/N has such an influence on the setlist" Alex didn't let up.

"Come on, pipe down, you suggested it yourself" Nick intervened carefully, not wanting to stir up the smoldering coals of the conflict.

"And I think all of you are into this idea, aren't you?" Turner didn't raise his low, heavily accented baritone, but the underlying toxicity in his tone was evident, "oh, even better, let's ask our Italian friends for advice! Let's get their opinion and her video as well".

"Alexander, smoke?" you stood up decisively from the couch, grabbing your purse and phlegmatically glancing at the wooden cider box you'd probably have to leave in the studio. But you couldn’t leave the guys in such an atmosphere, so out of courtesy you promised to return again.

"Y/N, no problem, see you before Bristol! Send the screen to our group, 'cause I'm getting jealous for these Italians" Matt gave you an encouraging wink in the end, and you certainly promised to do it tonight.

"They'll kill each other"

"He doesn't stand a chance"

Jamie and Matt said at the same time as the door closed behind you.

Alex imposingly walked ahead, not hurrying anywhere. He politely said goodbye to the security guard, noting that the rental period had already come to an end. Almost bowing, he opened the door to the street for you, artificially gallantly holding it with his hand, still making a show from every gesture, which for some reason made you feel disgusted. You were counting on working with middle-aged men, accomplished musicians, but it feels like you are talking to teenagers.

Damp cold air from the river hit your red cheeks, which made you wrap yourself in a jacket more tightly. Alex took out a pack of Marlboro, offering you one, but nodding to himself, removed it, remembering your words a week ago practically at the same place.

"Well?" he said with a cigarette in his mouth, lighting the filter.

The sky was overcast with a milky haze of fog, which wasn't uncommon for these places, a weak wind was blowing, but not a single sound from the road was heard, which made you hear sparks from ignited tobacco hiss like champagne bubbles, falling on the asphalt.

Alex exhaled noisily, squinting at you with his eyes. His face was faintly lit by the flame of a cigarette, but even in such low light, it was noticeable that his gaze was completely blank. "Amazingly indifferent and deep eyes at the same time. It's impossible to tell anything from them" you thought. Or maybe he was like this only with unpleasant people to him, who you apparently were. You can’t even imagine the way these eyes changed on stage "Where are you real, Alexander?". But instead of asking this, you just threw your head back, tiredly closing your eyelids, showing with your whole appearance how absurd the situation is.

"Alex," there wasn't any visible point to call him Mr. Turner even though you were annoyed "I thought we made a deal, didn't we?"

"Really? When?" his voice sounded even more affected than in the studio, despite the fact that now the man spoke rather quietly and slowly. Or maybe even a whisper would be loud in this ringing silence.

"I just don't understand what the problem is" you continued, as if you didn't hear his words.

"I don't see it either, Miss Y/S"

You raised your eyebrows high as you asked a silent question, which made Alex smirk slightly. Taking a puff, he began to explain to you with the intonation of a parent teaching a child not to put his fingers in the socket.

"Listen, I won't hide it, you brought some chaos to our tour. This is different from your direct duties though - to solve all the problems on our way. But you're a stranger who stirred up our peace and foundation. I was initially against this idea, but James left me no choice. You are undoubtedly an educated young lady, and probably from a moral point of view, I sound like a scoundrel now-"

"You sound unprofessional, Alex. You only make me feel contempt, and I don't care about any moral side"

The frontman looked at you from under his brows, taking out a second cigarette in a row from the pack, waiting for a further reaction, but inside you was a frozen magma that didn't want to break out, muffled by self-esteem. For now.

His words contradicted his behavior. In the morning he carries your boxes and asks for a song advice, and in the evening he gives out this shit. If women's logic is ridiculed by society, then men do not have it at all.

“You know what, when James offered me this job, I was damn excited and proud that I would be working with a team like yours. I was on a cloud nine. But you, Alex, you're just a spoiled boy in the body of a 37-year-old man who hasn't overplayed his ambitions and thinks that his subtle nature is so fragile to understand that you need to hide behind the facade of an asshole so that normal people with good intentions don't crawl into your soul. You are cowardly and arrogant!"

You were breathing heavily, and the words "fool fool fool" stretched on repeat in a red line behind your eyes.

You didn't even understand how they escaped from your lips, absolutely thoughtlessly. You even instinctively wanted to raise a hand to cover your mouth, but pulled yourself back in time, deciding to play to the end. Show after show.

Alex hadn't raised a cigarette to his face during your tirade, so that the wick was almost dead in his fingers. You intensively looked at each other without stopping, and at some point it seemed to you that fear flashed in his pupils. Fear of the revealed truth. However, they were covered with a thick veil of indifference to what was happening in a second, and he finally took the last puff, throwing the butt right on the road.

"Miss Y/S, it seems that you have to go" the musician said unemotionally.

You took one last burning look at his features and, without saying a word, turned around towards your car. How ironic, a week ago you left each other in roughly the same sequence of activities - studio, cider, parking lot, but under completely different circumstances.

Slamming the door shut, you sharply revved, not bothering to warm up the engine, and drove out of the parking lot with a clang of tires. Burning tears of resentment gushed from your eyes, covering the already foggy road in front, but you didn't pay attention.

Your cooperation has just begun, and you have already swept on an emotional swing. Only in the morning you were driving in a car towards the sun and rejoicing at the warm words of your dad, and in the evening you return home, wiping the salty paths with the back of your hand from your face.

You were never embarrassed by tears, you cried out almost all of them during a divorce, but if they dripped from your eyes today, then there was a reason for that. Your parents taught you that after rain there is always a rainbow, after tears there is always peace of mind, you need to be able to live through any emotions in order to turn them into your power later.

***

You haven't seen the boys since that evening until today's early departure for Bristol. Of course, you communicated on all sorts of organizational issues during this time and there was no visible tension, especially since they didn't hear about your quarrel with Alex. You were more than sure that he would not tell his friends about that incident. This is what infringes on him, and therefore makes him weaker, which he couldn't allow.

All these days you have wondered what was the reason for such a sharp behavior, however you couldn't really delve into yourself. Why exactly you were crying - from resentment, overstrain or just an emotional outburst, it was also difficult to understand. Perhaps all together. Over the past month, from your first conversation with Ford to recent events, your life has changed 180 degrees, so it's no surprise that your psyche gave a little glitch.

You've comforted yourself with routines though — setting Grapes up with a friend until your next visit to London, inviting your parents over for dinner to tell you all the details, packing your suitcase for the tour, checking out all the technical stuff, and almost forgetting what kind of adventure you're packing for.

And now, without any idea of the nearest future, you were sitting in a black Mercedes Sprinter between Marcus and James Kerr, Ben was in the passenger seat in front, Steven was riding with the group in the bus. It was only 8 am, you were sleepy, only at the last moment you didn’t forget to remove eye patches before going out, you didn’t even put on makeup, so you sat in the wide sunglasses, even though the sun wasn't visible through the tinted windows of the car.

It seemed that everyone was relaxed, easily communicated with each other and knew exactly what each would do upon arrival at the venue. Unlike you. The schedule was pretty clear - check-in at the hotel, lunch, departure for the soundcheck and then free time for the management and the band, but very busy time for the technicians. Of all this, the most sensible thing was to drink plenty of wine at dinner and walk around the rest of the day in a relaxed state of mind, but those were only pitiful thoughts of creeping fear. Deep inside you were sure that everything would be fine, it couldn’t be otherwise, because even if you didn’t know how to do this or that task, the guys knew their duties, and they physically couldn’t play the concert badly.

"Hey, Y/N, you kinda took working with us too seriously" Marcus snapped you out of your thoughts with his mocking tone.

"I'm sorry, what?" you asked, turning to him.

He touched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and chuckled. It took you another couple of seconds to figure out what he meant, so he took advantage of your confusion to explain "you now going to wear glasses in the dark as well?"

The reference to Alex was read transparently, so you imperceptibly flinched and pointedly removed them, as if not wanting to be associated with him at all.

"No, no, I just didn't have time to do my make up" you honestly admitted, shrugging your shoulders ingenuously.

"Oh, I'm sorry, we-" the guy looked around at all the passengers, "we don't understand this here"

You laughed slightly, at the same time relaxing, and asked him a question that had been of interest to you for a long time.

"Why don't you have women in the team? I mean at all"

Instead of Marcus, Ben decided to answer from the front seat, apparently as the eldest among you.

“It didn’t happen on purpose, but later it became kind of unspoken rule. We are here like on the fishing, you know? We leave our wives, spend time within our male company, it’s like an alternative branch of your life, you do quality work here, you feel needed, while no one owe you nothing and you feel absolutely free in your actions, understanding thoroughly those who are around you"

"Are you aware that this is how a normal team should work, regardless of gender? It sounds somehow sexist. Am I really embarrassing you in actions?" you smiled slyly, anticipating the denouement.

"Actually, besides you, we have 3 other women in the team.." Marcus embarrassingly chipped in.

"Guys, don't bother yourself with excuses, I knew who I was messing with" you laughed, crossing your legs. Marcus looked at you dumbfounded, but said nothing, and James just chuckled softly at the window.

"Well, if you knew that, then you also should know about our tradition, right, guys?" Ben began in a conspiratorial tone, exchanging glances with the guys.

"Um, about what?" you arched an eyebrow in disbelief.

"The newbie is signed up for the after-party. Tonight is your first concert, and after that we go to the bar, the drinks are off you! We're equal here" Ben imperturbably continued to scan your reaction with a fox-eye, waiting for an answer. It's not that you're greedy or unable to pay, but to buy drinks for the whole team...

And as if ahead of your question, the man added "enough management and the band".

As if it changed the essence. But you couldn't refuse, so you mumbled something affirmative, getting a roar of male hoarse laughter in response, and starting to laugh at yourself. You appreciated in people, especially males, this ability - to make a woman laugh. In a time of constant change and stress, finding someone who will make you forget about it was very important.

The rest of the road was spent in the same good mood, and these conversations did help you to forget about your anxiety due to upcoming events. Upon arrival, all the management team and the band settled in the hotel. As James promise, you've been given a private suite overlooking the most beautiful park in the city center. But due to an unknown coincidence, you lived not on the same floor with the attendants, but through the door from the group.

Matt carried your things to your room and you agreed to meet for lunch in 20 minutes.

Since you were able to miraculously did a make up even in the car, thanks to the sensitive driving, now you decided to change into more presentable clothes in which you will be at the concert.

Without changing the habit of choosing clothes carefully and for a long time, you took off your hot sweatshirt, remaining in only sweatpants and starting to go through the whole suitcase in search of those things that would match your mood. You had a couple of looks planned, but today's unexpectedly warm weather changed your plans a little, so you confidently took out a black leather skirt and a white blouse.

A piece of matter fit all your forms perfectly, so you were satisfied with the choice, spinning in front of the mirror by the bed. The black bodice harmonized perfectly with the skirt, and the crazy idea of ​​staying only in it, without putting on anything, flashed through your head like a bullet, but flew out just as quickly as soon as you heard the muffled thud of heels on the carpet outside the door and a muttered "Jamie?" at your door followed by a knock. You hysterically shouted "No!" exactly at the moment when the door opened without a click.

"Shit, Y/N!" Alex, not having time to properly enter your room, but having clearly noticed you in a compromising way, abruptly recoiled, remaining in the corridor, but not completely closing the door so that he could hear you, but not see.

"God! What a mess" you pleaded, rushing to the door. You stuck out only your head, meeting the eyes of the musician, who was discomposedly staring at you point-blank.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Why are you naked?"

You asked at the same time, shouting over each other.

"This is my room! And I'm not naked!"

"Where's Jamie? I thought he was at 312" Turner asked, a little bewildered, clearly embarrassed.

"I have no idea where Jamie is. How did you even get in?" you were still half-dressed, hiding most of your body behind a wooden door.

"I knocked, but it turned out that it was not slammed at all"

"What the fuck? Maybe Matt didn't close when he left," you muttered more to yourself. You clearly saw the question “What did Matt do here?” that arose in Alex’s head, but which he never voiced. Clearly realizing that the dialogue could not be continued in this form, you abruptly switched the subject, trying to tear his eyes from your neck.

 "I was changing for dinner anyway, so see you there" you sharply slammed the door in front of him, not wanting to go into details, and tiredly leaned your head against the wooden surface from the inside.

"Crazy" you heard quiet along with receding soft steps.

It was your only meaningful conversation with the singer, since that evening. You understood that it couldn’t go on like this for a long time, but at the moment you didn’t have any ideas how to fix the situation. So you just finally put on the look you chose, after checking that the door was locked, then decided to add a black headband, and being satisfied with your appearance, went downstairs.

After lunch, the whole team went to the stadium, where the technicians had already set up half of the equipment. The guys immediately went to the sound check, and you and Steven went to meet Ashton Gate management. It seemed like there was still plenty of time before the concert, and you thought you would have a few more chances to double-check everything, but in the turmoil that was going on behind the scenes, this turned out to be impossible.

To be honest, you were overwhelmed by what was happening. The soft music, people around, the sun rays moving towards the sunset - this whole scene that was unfolding before you as you unexpectedly stepped onto the empty stage a few minutes before the crowd was let into the stadium looked surreal and incredibly familiar, as if you had been here many times before. The noise and chaos behind you contrasted with the tranquility in front of your eyes. The empty space that was about to be filled with a crowd in just a few minutes brought both excitement and serenity. These were the moments that seemed unreal, but made life worth living.

***

The show was about to start, and you stood next to the dark staircase, where the guys from the dressing room were soon to come up. Leaning on the railing, you nervously twirled a lock of hair around your finger. You went through all the items on the checklist in your head, checking off each one mentally, but something still bothered you.

Alex.

Your unfinished conversations and evasive behavior were weighing on you. You felt guilty, knowing that as his manager, you had behaved tactlessly, driven by emotions. It ate at you from the inside. You decided that you would talk to him today, apologize and put this issue to rest once and for all.

Suddenly you noticed a flickering light from the security, which meant that the group is entering the stage, and you turned sharply, both wanting and fearing to see them. As always, looking luxurious, these four men made their way up to the platform, remaining unnoticed by the audience.

"Good luck, guys! I'm buzzing as hell honestly" you tried to sound confident, but your voice trembled on the last word.

"Miss Y/S, is it just me or are you worried about us?" Nick lightly touched your shoulder in a reassuring gesture.

"Well, it's my first time with you" realizing how ambiguous that sounded, you interrupted yourself with a laugh.

"Oh, you'll love it, babe" Matt mimicked a voice from a cheap adult movie, tossing a stick in the air. It seemed like he could find the right words in any situation, and in the future, you would highly appreciate this skill.

All this time, you were glancing at Alex out of the corner of your eye, trying to read his emotions, but he calmly adjusted the folds on his unchanging dark blue jacket and stretched his neck with turns left and right. Seeing that the guys had moved a little away from you, you looked at your watch, estimating that you had 5 minutes maximum, and whispered to yourself "now or never".

"Alex!" you called him out loudly, trying to outshout the crowd "I wanted to talk, I know it's not the most appropriate time, but-"

"Y/N, forgive me, okay," the man unexpectedly began, barely approaching you. For the first time, you saw genuine excitement in his eyes, here, in the darkness of the backstage area of a 30,000-seat stadium. For some reason, only now you clearly feel the difference in height between you two. He looked down at you patronizingly. Maybe it was because of his heels or the knot of nerves in your stomach that made you feel so small in your attempt to hide from his penetrating gaze.

"I've been a complete jerk and acted childish from the very beginning. You didn't do anything to deserve such treatment. I don't want our tension to affect the group and our work in any way, so I admit my guilt"

You stood in shock, slightly opening your mouth. You absolutely did not expect such a turn of events, so your entire improvised speech evaporated from your mind instantly. He suddenly smiled softly, raising an eyebrow, as if asking 'well, what now?' Still not believing what you heard, you nodded your head almost automatically.

"Y-yes, you were a jerk indeed. But I also didn't behave entirely correctly, my first impression wasn't great either," you sighed in frustration, recalling your memories, "I suggest we start over, huh? Hi, my name is Y/N, I'm your new tour manager, nice to meet you" and to confirm your words, you gracefully extended your hand to him.

"Nice to meet you too, I'm Alex Turner, sort of singing here," he shook your hand with an energetic movement. His palm was dry and steady, causing a pleasant warmth throughout your body, "just business then?"

"Just business indeed. And a little bit of music" you said, more relaxed, smiling with all 32 teeth, still holding onto his hand.

"Deal, Miss Y/S"

For a moment, the roar of fans faded away for you, and you only saw the outlines of his pupils in the semi-darkness and his fingers firmly holding yours. However, your fragile moment was promptly ruined by-

"Al, c'mon!" Jamie impatiently called, and your hand felt the gusts of wind instead of calloused skin of the frontman. You watched him walk away in his waddle manner, as he suddenly turned and shouted, winking "By the way, nice lace".

 It took you a couple of seconds to understand what was said, and when the meaning of his words reached you, you exclaimed in indignation "You, motherfucker!" almost stomping your foot, but your cry was lost in the wild roar of the crowd, as the guys were already on stage.

It was a miraculous sight. Four men made people go into ecstasy just with their appearance - this is the phenomenon of the Beatles, and they were proof that rock and roll is alive. As long as they are alive. Every strum on the guitar strings, every touch of the lips to the microphone, every drumstick strike, every hair flip was special in their performance, they themselves were special.

You were fascinated, to say the least. When the performance came to the last song before the encore, Body Paint, one of your favorite songs from the album, that was definitely made to be played live, you were out of words. The whole song built you up to the climax, to the outro that every time was a pure jamming and improvisation. And you literally exploded in ecstasy when Alex started walking around the stage, unable to stand still from the knocking down energy. He closed his eyes in languor, biting his lips, screaming, throwing out his arms, and you couldn't take your eyes off. You weren't dancing or jumping, you were inseparably watching his every movement, arms folded across your chest. Your mouth was agape against your will, and your eyes eagerly punched a hole in the frontman. This is a unique performance, it's something that is hard to explain without feeling it for yourself. You were made up of his music, you literally felt these waves inside your veins, your brain wasn't able to comprehend what was happening, it was like a catharsis for all of you. And you definitely didn't want to be saved.

Suddenly Alex turned his head to your side, continuing to play some divine riff outlining the Van Gogh fields on the guitar strings. His hair was tousled, shirt unbuttoned, but his jacket fitted perfectly. He rested his eyes on your figure, smiling with one corner of his lips, and you looked at each other for good seven seconds which felt like eternity. You were sure that everything was clear in your eyes, and even if he stood next to you and heard you, you wouldn't be able to utter a word.

What you definitely didn't expect when your eye contact was broken and Alex walked to another side of the stage, that tears would involuntarily flow from your eyes. "What the hell..." you wondered aloud, quickly removing the salty tracks from your cheeks. In fact, you perfectly understood why you were crying. From a sense of greatness. The greatness of music, human synergy and the power of unity. It was too much for you, too strong emotions to bear. It was excellent, it was the taste of life, thanks to which you still were here. "God, if you exist, bless this band, they are saints" although it sounded ridiculous and naive, you seriously were ready to pray for the talent of these guys, for the ability to make other people feel alive. You were in your place, you did everything right, you were cruising the victory. Today he convinced you.

As soon as the last chords of "RU Mine?" were played and the bows to the fans were taken, the men disappeared from the deafening roar behind the dark curtains of backstage. Their hair stuck to their sweat faces, and a distinct masculine smell was coming from their shirts. The guys passed by you with exhausted smiles, unable to utter a word from fatigue, and disappeared into the darkness of the corridors.

You didn't know what to do right now. According to your understanding, your job didn't end with pre-concert organization, there were also post-concert tasks to be done. But you were so lost in emotions that you felt like you were drifting away from an anaphylactic shock.

Unexpectedly, Tyler came to you as he was the last one to come off the stage. He fraternally put a hand on your shoulder, tousling your hair with his heavy palm.

"Well, with the initiation into our hell, sweetheart. How're you?"

"Thrilled, and I want more!" you declared confidently, matching his quick pace that was pulling you further away from the frenzy of the crowd.

"Well, don't doubt that, it's just the beginning" he charmingly smiled, and you couldn't help but mirror his expression.

"Now we're going to celebrate, and you're coming with us" it sounded so authoritative that even if you wanted to object, you immediately closed your mouth, nodding in agreement. "Besides, seems like you need to unwind" you remembered.

You left the stadium only an hour later, apparently, it was a normal time for the guys to "recover". You'd made several jokes about one woman waiting for seven men and received offended and teasing looks in return. You got into the same Mercedes you arrived in that morning, and the driver took you to one of Bristol's typical English pubs that the guys loved so much.

You didn't understand their fondness for these quaint places where the sofa upholstery hadn't changed along with the owner. There were so many modern bars in the city, any of which the band could afford to rent entirely, but they paid tribute to traditions, obviously cherishing memories of their lively youth when they started playing their first concerts in similar places. Such a return to their roots after the thousands-capacity stadiums grounded them well. And the warm nostalgia, slipping across the Guinness glasses every time, was a corner of genuine joy for the guys, the only true luxury they possessed.

And overall, you didn't care where to spend money or on what. After all today's events, which felt like a whole month, you didn't mind anymore. In the morning, you looked at your apple orchard in the early mist of suburban London, then stood half-naked in a five-star hotel room in front of a world-renowned music star, and now, in the evening, you huddled next to him on an old leather couch under a red velvet chandelier, drinking a B-52.

Glasses, shots and colorful bottles flashed in front of your eyes like a kaleidoscope. Your head was spinning from the amount of alcohol, and your cheeks hurt from laughter.

"My dear mates, I propose a toast to Miss Y/S and her first concert with us! I don't know if she understands where she has ended up, but we'll make sure she has a great time with us, right, guys? To Y/N!" Matt solemnly proclaimed, rising from the table, and 8 hands, pouring drinks onto each other, reached towards the center of the table to clink glasses.

"Guys, thank you for this opportunity, thanks to James for his unplanned vacation, thanks to Steven and Marcus-" although the latter wasn't here, you decided to thank him as he had been providing you with all kinds of help during these weeks, "for their support and adaptation, and of course, to you Monkeys, for accepting me. I do like your crazy Monkey house" you joked, but it didn't negate the truth. Despite all the past disagreements with the lead singer, you felt that you were still doing everything right. And even if you hadn't gone on this adventure today, you would still feel grateful to fate for such an opportunity to be at the center of life.

"Glad to hear that," Jamie chuckled ironically, "as they say, welcome aboard"

And with these words, you all whistled, and Tom even shouted like a saloon girl from the Wild West. Your evening, or rather the night, continued until 3 am, fortunately there was no concert the next day, so you could at least sleep in a bit. You looked in horror at the amount you had drunk, trying to estimate how long it would take to recover the contents of your wallet. But you had consumed so much gin and tonic that the only thing that really worried you was how to walk straight for at least 2 meters to the bar to pay for it all.

"Drinks on me!" you declared with a mischievous smile to the group as you headed towards the bar counter.

"What, for everyone?" Matt playfully refined.

"Well, yeah," you didn't have the energy to realize his surprise, but he also didn't have the energy to argue with you, "that's no problem".

And thus, the following events spun in your head like a foggy whirlpool. Here you were finally breathing in the fresh air of the street, tilting your head towards the purple sky, then you were half-lying on someone's shoulder in the black minivan, and finally for no reason you were walking barefoot on a soft hotel carpet, but there were no shoes in your hands as well.

You didn't have any memories of walking into your room either. But in the moment, the feeling of soft snow-white hotel sheets flooded your body with long-awaited bliss. You instantly fell into the arms of Morpheus, only on the verge of consciousness noticing that someone took off the headband from your hair, which had been squeezing your head tightly, and silently closed the door.

You may be too drunk to remember each of your actions clearly, but you definitely wouldn't mistake the familiar scent of cigarettes in the room.

---------------------------------------------------

A/N: Oh, so much has happened in one chapter, and this is just the beginning of the tour... I decided to tell the background of Y/N for a better understanding of her actions. What do you think, maybe you want more of "Italian friends" in the work? Whose line do you want to read in more detail? Share your emotions, it is incredibly valuable to me that someone reads this work actually!

xo🤍

Taglist: @missbabyjay @rentskenobi @findmeincorneliastreet @indierockgirrl here it is!

*if you want to be removed or added to the taglist, feel free to ask me!

[ay0nha]

Dead Man Walking (II) | Tommy Miller

SUMMARY: “Jealous?” The warmth you felt helped the teasing statement be excused. Tommy scratched at his facial hair, trying to cover for himself, emanating a light laugh. But you only continued to joke.  “Maybe if you knocked him out for me, I’d be kissing you better.”

PAIRING: Tommy Miller x femme!reader

WORD COUNT: 2.5K

WARNINGS: not too much, pretty fluff oriented, grumpy reader getting hit on poorly, mentions of guns, little bit spicy (not smut though), hot mess because I rushed the ending, cliches/tropes, etc.

A/N: Soooo, here’s a part two! I was struggling with this one a little bit, but I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that it is what it is. Enjoy! AS ALWAYS Huge thank you to @from-the-clouds​ who continually listens and helps!

The house always seemed to groan. It held ghosts of previous owners that begged for their lives back. And yet, you moved through the home as if your name was on the deed.

Tommy let you pick, but the choice was purely based on distance rather than vanity. The families congregated in colorful homes that they made their own. Other neighbors shared goods, extending themselves selflessly. But you couldn’t engage as they wanted you to, so willingly unguarded.

You can trust us.

Tommy’s words were compelling. Yet, you hardly left the provided house without him luring you out with promises of fresh air and target practice. It kept you sane to place your catharsis into something outside the confines of the town.

But you needed to stretch your legs further; you wanted to join Tommy on patrol. You never asked, though. You hadn’t planned to until you got over the fact that it was purely due to how the separation impacted you.

“Let me get you another glass.” A man interrupted your solitude. You knew what his attention suggested. Regardless, your glass was pushed forward in mild resignation.

During your time in Jackson, you learned quickly about the liquor they stored. It was the only thing that comforted you with familiarity. The man recognized that, providing a glass full to the brim. You thought to thank him, but instead, you showed appreciation through a few continuous sips.

“There’s no rush, little lady.” The look on his face could have been misconstrued as being impressed by your actions. But the laugh he let out revealed his amusement. “I’ve got plenty more to share.”

You requested more, to which he happily obliged. The bottle was settled on the wooden table you unintentionally claimed. It sat in the back of the dining area, where your back could never be to the door, and you could keep a careful eye on Tommy.

“I was thinking-

“Didn’t think someone like you was capable of that.” It may have been the longest sentence he had heard come from you. But it was far from the cruelest you had pent up.

“Ah, come on now, I’ve got some brains up here. ” He feigned offense, but his smile spread. To him, you were hard to get, someone seen as unattainable who, through his flirtatious efforts, could massage something sweeter out of you. “Enough to know a pretty thing like yourself shouldn’t be so lonely.”

“Not sure I’m convinced…” You clicked your teeth with sarcasm, toying with your glass. You decided once it was low enough, you’d find something else for entertainment. “Think you might’ve missed the point of why I’m over here.”

“You don’t make it easy to stay away.”

You ignored the way his eyes drifted along your body hungrily. They were always on you with the jobs you shared. He was never subtle, but you doubted subtly was his priority.

“Then, I’ll have to try harder.”

The bottle’s contents lowered as you helped yourself to another glass. The man before you took it as your walls coming down, acting on a moment of what he took as vulnerability.

"I know everyone says you're… shy…” The community considered you a recluse. Their gazes questioned if your additional mouth to feed was worth it. “But I can tell you’re fun…just need to open you up a little.”

He insinuated something you would never entertain. His hands inched towards yours across the table to enrapture you. Yet, your focus was on Tommy across the room. You were determined to meet his eye, but he was engrossed with his company. A smile pulled his face occasionally as he contributed to the friendly conversation.

You would have memorized the way the corners of his eyes crinkled, how his laughter started deep within his chest just to echo its way to you. Typically, you’d scold yourself for admiring him that way but indulged regardless. Tonight, it hadn’t come as naturally. It was his final night before the next patrol, and you sat idly stewing in discontent.

“Look–” You’d forgotten about your date. When your eyes shifted to him, you saw how he tried to be genuine, but men like him could never accomplish that. “–I get this is new, meeting people and all that.  I felt the same when I was saved, but–

If your eyes lingered ahead just a beat longer, you would have caught the moment Tommy checked on you. But the words spoken begged for your undivided attention.

“You think I needed saving?” You mocked the pity. You heard what they said, the rumors they spread about you. But this was new; you being viewed as the product of mercy.

“You deserve better–someone-” He paused to speak more definitively. “Someone who keeps the bed warm when things get lonely.”

“Let me guess, that’s you?” There was something inside you that knew better, but the moment to be a bigger person never found you.  “The man that shovels shit for a living. Lucky me.”

“I knew you had a mouth on you.” He wet his lips with his drink, finishing it off.  The bottle was in his hand as he went to leave, but typical of any man, he needed the last word. “Shame I won’t be able to put it to good use.”

Anger had been your companion all night. The alcohol was a catalyst to match his stance. There were murmurs around you, eyes looking for a spectacle. With a hand on the pistol attached to your hip, you hadn’t noticed Tommy detach himself from the group, knowing your next move.

“Say that again.” Cocking your head on a tilt, your expression hardened into something wild. “I didn’t quite hear you.”

The man laughed, smile morphing from something amiable to something sinister. “You know, a bitch like you needs controlling–

“That’s enough.” Tommy cut in before the insult could materialize. Your tongue was sharp and ready, but the hand that settled on your spine caused the words to die. “Now, join the others.”

“Tommy…” He started again, trying to reason, man to man. “She’s been nothing but– I was just trying–

“I wasn’t suggestin’.”

Tommy's hand remained on you every step to the door. The touch was foreign, but you could tell through the warmth it was more for his sake than yours. It was as if he were holding back from doing more damage than you.

“I had that handled.” You voiced your frustration, moving languidly from drunkenness. Brushing off his hand, you spat again, “I didn’t need your help.”

“I was helping him.” The cool air carried his words. He was calm, almost happy to have left the festivities. “If I waited any longer, he wouldn’t be standing.”

Your expression diffused slightly at his comment, "He would have deserved it."

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.” Tommy looked to the stars instead of you. “He always sweet on you like that?”

You gave him a once-over.

“Jealous?” The warmth you felt helped the teasing statement be excused. Tommy scratched at his facial hair, trying to cover for himself, emanating a light laugh. But you only continued to joke.  “Maybe if you knocked him out for me, I’d be kissing you better.”

The irony was palpable. The times Tommy got in trouble for the sake of saving someone’s honor could no longer be counted on one hand. He would have easily fallen into the trap all those years ago, but now he only watched how you stumbled beside him.

“Think it’s time to call it a night.”

You stared heavenward as he had, the icy air making tears prick your waterline. It was all too much too soon. The happiness was nauseating, and the community’s collective eye made you cynical.

“Walk me back?”

“‘Course.”

You led the path back, choosing the long way purposefully. You had waited long enough to spend time with him, and with him in your grasp, he was yours for the night. Your shoulders brush but never quite touched, and you tried to think of something to say. You didn’t know what you could say if you were brave enough to say what you wanted. It remained like that until you unlocked the front door.

“How are you settling in?” Tommy took the state your home. Things looked untouched, your bag still packed, ready to leave at a moment’s notice.

“Don’t.”

“I’m not tryin’ to argue.”

Tommy diffused lightly, choosing to settle in the living room. He always looked for something to fix in your home, an excuse to knock on your door. You watched his fingers trail the fireplace, assuring the caulk hadn’t cracked.

“We’re not arguing.”

The idea stung; that every interaction the two of you had led into disarray. Tommy wasn’t blind to the fact that it wasn’t a personal attack, just a moment of progress only he had the privilege to be a part of.

“Thought you would have killed these by now.” Tommy played with the petals of the flowers he’d collected. They were wildflowers he plucked. After borrowing some dirt from the farmers, he placed them in an old tin. A housewarming gift, he called it.

“So did I.”

Some days, you’d sit there and watch the flowers bloom into the centerpiece for the coffee table. Some petals started brown, others falling off completely. But you encouraged the emerging buds with water and company. It was the only other living thing to occupy your home other than Tommy.

He knew you chose to be quiet. There were times you’d ramble when he hit the right topic. But you’d quickly retreat once you saw how warm his gaze was. Even now, fumbling through your cabinets, you held back. The glasses you found were already full when you spoke up again.

“Want one?”

“I leaving early tomorrow.” Tapping on the sofa’s side, Tommy hesitated but ultimately declined. You stayed with your back to him, but he watched you tense at the mention of the patrol.

“Two for me, then.” There would be no point in stopping you in your own home of all places. But you knew if you turned, you’d find a grimace, a judgment of your actions.

“We’re only going a few miles out.” Tommy attempted again. The air was thick with reservation. But you remained quiet, busing yourself with whatever was before you.  He called your name, desperate for a proper response. “I won’t be gone for long…”

You suppressed the previous anger you held, it felt too hard to call upon it. But everything felt cyclical, a need for an answer to an obvious question never said aloud. “Why don’t you let me join you?”

“We both know the answer to that.”

Sitting now, Tommy looked like he belonged. Like he’d just had a long day at work, body open and inviting for any sort of tension relief he could provide. It had almost distracted you from your antagonism. Almost.

“I can handle myself.”

“You think I don’t know that?” He looked at you with genuineness, eyebrows pinched with slight worry.  At least that’s what you believed it to be until he worked through his confusion, “You worried about me, is that it?”

“No.” The answer was just swift enough for Tommy to read between the lines. But it was only half of your reasoning. “They don’t need you every time, there are plenty others.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

Tommy owed more than his life could offer to the community. You knew his feelings countered yours. “How noble.”

“Thought we wasn’t arguin’.” Tommy’s lip twitched into something teasingly smug. “Careful now." He warned cleverly,  "It’s starting to sound like you care.”

Curiosity transformed the air, “Is that how you would talk to me?”

Tommy let out a questioning hum, his eyes trained on your every movement. Neither noticed how you crept towards him, practically knocking your knees with his.

“Before.” You encouraged him, instructed him. “Talk to me like you would before.”

You expected resistance. But with his long, slender hands, on which the weather had taken its toll, Tommy reached for you.

Standing between his legs, his head lulled back, “Let’s see…” You squirmed to his pleasure, confirming the next words were all the more accurate, “I would say somethin’ about that blush of yours.”

You refrained from taking place beside him until now, knowing the work of your bourbon would take over. You weren’t daring enough to settle on his lap, but with every ounce of courage, you mustered, your legs were flesh with his.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” An arm settled behind you as Tommy played out the scenario. He had given plenty of thought to it. “I’d make sure you knew I only have eyes for you.” There was your smoking cowboy.  “Then, I’d–I would–

“Go on, tell me what you’d do…” Your voice was just above a whisper. You were intent on distracting him. Especially when your hand dragged along his jean-clad thigh, going higher and higher, trying to reach an unexplored destination.

Steady as ever, Tommy’s eye contact remind strong, and his breathing even. You wished you could read his mind to know how if your fingers continued to dance on him, he’d do himself in.

“You lost?”

You avoided his question as you pressed your lips to his. You finally were relieved of the fog that you carried with you. This, the clear solution. You pulled him by the shearling of his jacket  to only hold him closer as you attacked his lips.

It was easy for Tommy to get lost in the sensation. He used his position to his advantage to deepen the kiss, thumb playing at your temple. He held you firmly despite his continual gentle touch. It was as if he got more relief from it than you had, but it was hard to tell as you melted into his touch.

Yet, he quickly pushed back, hand finding purchase on your jaw, "W-wait-Wait."

Your lips were swollen, all his doing, which only made the words that left them all the more beautiful, "Stay with me."

Relief washed over you when he agreed. You were bolder now, no longer using your inebriation as a crutch. You thread your fingers through his hair while Tommy passed along another peck in gratitude. The moment he stepped through your door, Tommy sought the invitation. The toll of patrol worked both ways, and staying with you allowed something for him to hold onto until he returned. A little dryness in the mouth, lethargy in the muscles, and clumsiness in the tongue would be the only memory of how Tommy stayed until the sun rose.

[torialefay]

Hello! I just found your blog and I'm obsessed okay? I love the combo of Kpop and Astrology and you do such a good job at it I HAD to follow instantly 🤍 I was wondering if I could have a natal chart compatibility reading? You can write which member is best suited to me (And maybe for fun briefly mention who I should stay tf away from haha 😂) My pronouns are She/Her! Thank you so much 💋

hi baby! tysm for being patient with me <3 here you gooooo!

so for most compatible, i was really struggling to choose between felix and chan. han wasn't a bad option either. but if i had to pick just ONE, i'm sticking with felix for now. but just know any of the 3 i think would be perfectly suitable. if you want me to elaborate on the other 2 a little just lmk <3

and fun fact: your sun, mercury, venus, and mars are all the same as changbin (which COULD also lead to a good relationship, but with your placements in particular i think it'd lead to more bestie vibes than anything... bc if one of yall is delusional, then so is the other one and there's no one there to pull you out of the trenches lol.)

your ascendant in taurus:

soooo i may be partial, but i really think there is such a great aura that comes with having ascendant in taurus. taurus is such a beautiful, grounding sign that also has that element of divine femininity to it from its venus ruler. it's likely that you come across as having a loving, beautiful personality & also that you have your shit together lol. as far as looks, if you are playing into your rising (which i would encourage), i'd venture to guess that you'd look & feel best in beutiful, elevated styles. this could be anywhere from super girly pink or femme fatale, but embracing that feminine energy is gonna be key. if you hone in on that, it definitely pushes you forward in a captivating way!

for skz, i think it'd be hard for any of them to be uninterested tbh. felix is a pretty ethereal guy. he just naturally draws beauty toward him. i think he'd be really intrigued by you initially and that you'd potentially really catch his eye. especially with that lovey nature taurus risings can have- making you feel super special and seen... lixie would dig it im sure.

your sun in leo:

you are definitely an encourager & able to see what people's strong suits are. felix can get a bit unsure of himself at times and i think you'd be really good at helping him work through that. his "serving" virgo energy makes me think that he'd really really want to give you anything you wanted & he'd probably like it if you were more so in the spotlight than him.

your moon in aries:

same as felix! i love a moon matchup & think it's absolutely one of the most crucial points for predicting long term compatibility. with this placement, you probably have a deep, burning desire to find passion throughout life. whether that's in a person, in art and music, in your work or service to others, in connection with your spirit, etc etc. basically, you are hungry to have purpose and fulfill it. that's not a quality that just anyone can handle. but felix does so perfectly bc he feels the exact same. you'd definitely make the most of life together :)

your mercury in cancer:

oh so you feeeeel feel? you're likely also somewhat expressive of these emotions (whether that's through verbal, through art, through mannerisms, etc). in that case, you're super in luck bc so is lixie. you both deeply understand emotions and the beauty within them. felix's libra here is a great sign to help with re-assurance for you, should you ever need it. it'd also allow for some super heart-felt convos that make your connection deeper than what others have.

your venus in virgo:

your venus tells me you're usually more attracted to super hard-working and driven individuals. people who may come across as a more "dominant" person, while still being super charming and kind. this was a part of the reason why i was having a tough time not picking chan (bc he is a virgo venus' dream ofc), BUT i think once we get past the surface, lix would be the better choice! felix can actually have a more dominant personality at times, which usually isn't seen on camera due to his dynamic within the group itself. but he definitely know how to get shit done. his venus is in libra, which means he's gonna please the shit out of you. would he have the upper hand in the bedroom? for sure. but is he not gonna do a damn thing unless you say you want it? absolutely. you could have that man on a leash making him whatever tf you want lol (sorry lixie)

your mars in scorp:

y'all are definitely gonna have some fun times & actually probably both be borderline obsessed with each other at times. i think fights would get really messy between you two and def would involve some psychological warfare. i think it'd actually take a while to work through fights too. but the other placements make up for it.

who to stay away from?

simplest answer: lee know. now i'm not saying y'all would hate each other for REAL, but i could definitely see a "love to hate" relationship here... and y'all getting on each other's nerves BAD 😂

[seafauxmy]

dogday doll fanart

🐶☀️🌈✨🧡

hey, poppy playtime fandom! i’m new here so this is my fruity little smiling critter fanart offering. can someone tell me what aesthetic this is??? 😭

i present to you, dogday! with a twist! okay maybe a couple… 💀😭 i thought it would be cool to draw dogday as a doll concept. now i want to do all the other smiling critters and make it a little series. expect them to all have some zest because i am genderfluid and femme if you couldn’t tell. 😂💅🏾🥰

note: i said “draw” but i actually painted this because i am soooo bad with lines you have no idea… dysgraphia has entered the chat. i had to find my own “drawing” process that doesn’t include the type of sketches most artists do. 💀 should i post what my “sketch” looks like?

poppy playtime means a lot to me because when i first played it, i was going through one of the roughest moments of my life. i needed a distraction and poppy playtime’s kidcore dreamcore weirdcore aesthetic was comforting so i decided to play all 3 chapters back to back.

i had no experience with puzzle horror games and hadn’t watched any playthroughs so i was completely lost. it took me embarrassingly long to complete chapter 3 but i never gave up once. sure, it might be just a game to some people but it wasn’t for me. i was convinced that if i could beat the game, i could get through the hell my life was. i think i was right.

i guess poppy playtime is one of my comfort fandoms because of trauma. it’s probably why i feel so protective over dogday and don’t like how he’s treated by certain niches within the fandom.

anyways, i am looking forward to making more smiling critter fanart and other art too because i finally found something i can do. i’m autistic and i have adhd and i felt like a failure for years because there was nothing for me. my art journey was slow and daunting thanks to my life circumstances and dysgraphia but i think i finally found my thing. i can’t wait to see how much i can improve. i’m gonna study so apply to art school next fall.

HERE’S MY SOCIALS:

⬇️ 🌷💜🥰🪸🌸 ⬇️

🎨 COMMS OPEN 🎨

💖 INSTAGRAM 💖

👾 TWITCH 👾

🖍️ YOUTUBE 🖍️

[that-binchh]

random chiquititas headcanons

disclaimer: i haven’t seriously engaged in marauders content in like a year so these aren’t grounded in canon (i think), they’re just vibes

mary is a lesbian who dealt with comp het for most of her hogwarts years (i have SOOOO many thoughts)

butch marlene. butch marlene. butch marlene. (mostly uses she/her pronouns, but post-hogwarts i can see marlene using he/him more often)

femme x butch dorlene realness

3/5 of the girls are lesbians bc lesbians rock

lily is bisexual while pandora wouldn’t label herself but she’s a girlkisser too

lily is the OG ABBA fangirl that converted the rest of the girls, including dorcas (although i think dorcas wouldn’t ever admit she likes abba out loud but she’s singing along during drunk karaoke

speaking of ABBA, petunia is the one who actually got lily into their music. so lily’s feelings towards them becomes complicated, to say the least

mary is a second gen haitian immigrant bc i’m a second gen haitian immigrant. and because i can’t speak creole neither can she

mary has a little brother (4 years younger than her). he’s a muggle and never felt resentment towards magic until mary was attacked during year 7

lilys temper and self righteousness is a blessing and a curse

dorcas is a certified daddy’s girl

marlene really struggled with making friends with her dormmates during year 1 because she “didn’t know how to be friends with girls” (being raised with tons of brothers, james, + peter had little marlene believe girls were too complicated aka not as cool as boys)

speaking of girlhood, mary was marlene’s girlhood guru, which also led to mary being marlene’s first crush

don’t get me started about marlene’s battle with femininity after she realized she was butch

dorcas is tender headed so she braids her own hair. her go to style is micro braids (think moesha)

mary’s go to is her fro or a headscarf. but once her and dorcas become friends, she lets dorcas experiment with different styles on her. (it soothes mary’s homesickness)

year 1-4 mary had VERY complicated feelings about lily, like i don’t think they really became friends until year 5 (after lily fully cuts off snape)

lily, on the other hand, always thought mary was the coolest girl in school and didn’t get why she would be so cold to her one moment and a sweetheart the next

mary and dorcas secretly bonded over being craft girlies (mary makes her own clothes and dorcas makes her own jewelry)

pandora is not a rosier. lovegood is actually her maiden name (xeno is down BAD for her, he’d 100% take her last name)

pandora is actually super intimidating, when she wants to be

mary began crushing on marlene right when marlene got over her crush on mary

lily and dorcas are academic rivals but on the low

lily loves sour candy, specially anything and everything lemon flavored

dorcas is a big jazz/blues fan bc of her dad

dorcas and pandora are besties who bond over their dark humor, passion for spell crafting, and a few blunts

mary is an edible girlie

marlene prefers cigs but will take a few hits depending on her mood

weed makes lily paranoid so she sticks with liquor (which she can drink like a fucking sailor)

contrary to popular opinion, marylily aren’t friends to lovers. they are strangers to begrudging acquaintances to enemies to friends to lovers to exes (i have TOO MANY thoughts about their dynamic lmao)

mary is super friendly but doesn’t actually care about having many friends

pandora is an amazing figure skater

pandora is a polyglot (she would have studied linguistics, if this was a muggle au)

marlene is a certified enabler

in terms of how the girls became a group, originally it was just mary and marlene as a duo. year 1-4, lily was somewhat of a causal friend because she was still tight with snape. (but each year she got closer to both girls). by end of year 4, the duo has organically grown to a trio. off to the side, dorcas and pandora became instant besties in year 3 (i like to think that pandora was a transfer student so they didn’t meet until year 2). marlene and dorcas start dating beginning of year 6, which brings everyone together (until the war tears them apart)

(not to dip into my war/post-war HCs but MARY DID NOT OBLIVATE HERSELF

[pinchinschlimbah]

The Boosh Zappa concert makes me so insane every time I think about it because like…holy shit they’ve got drag personas? With names and personalities and aesthetics?? And aren’t your typical cishet man crossdressing as a joke vibes or trying to emulate the archetypical generic drag aesthetic to appear as Being In Drag! Instead they’ve got unique and interesting looks that show clear knowledge of and references to queer clubkid culture?!? And they’ve stated in interviews about other live performances that they felt most comfortable performing their shows in some level of drag (whether just wearing dresses or the full persona) because it “takes the edge off” whatever that means??? Also the fact that they reworked their existing songs to incorporate these new characters and be more artsy and avant garde and flamboyant both musically and visual performance-wise for this show and the fact that Noel has brought back that persona a few times since then but seemingly mainly for art gallery show events which suggests he feels this femme babydoll clown character with Leigh Bowery-esque makeup best represents his creative artsy side?? And then Leigh gets explicitly shouted out a few years later in Luxury and Noel posted on Twitter saying he felt Leigh should get more credit for how much influence he’s had on popular culture?? Aaaa!!

The Boosh has a million moments that could qualify for gayest thing they’ve done, but for me the Zappa show is tied with the “Confuser” bit and Old Gregg as a concept for queerest thing they’ve done, everything about the performance feels soooo queer punk nightlife to me and it makes me so happy

[kores-pomegranate]

So, I’m feeling Very Trans™️ tonight, and I realized I have never really written out my gender journey, or tried to put it all together chronologically. I think it would be nice to do that, so here we go.

I was in high school in the early 2000s in very rural Georgia. There weren’t any openly gay kids, let alone any openly trans kids. I can’t recall ever hearing the word nonbinary until after college.

Despite having no frame of reference or language for anything to do with gender, this is how I looked in high school.

I can remember getting tagged in that photo on MySpace and feeling what I can now identify as gender euphoria, but I didn’t have language for that. I just felt like I looked so *good,* but I couldn’t explain why I thought that. Now I’m like, hey bro you look pretty androgynous there, so maybe that was it.

I can remember begging my mom, from about 7th grade on, to let me cut my hair short. I cut out a photo of a very short pixie cut from a magazine that I kept as my inspo photo for like…five years? I had it stashed away in my box of keepsakes (I actually still have it) and I looked at it all the time. I just wanted to look like that model so bad and my mom was so firm on not letting me cut my hair that short. She was worried I would look like a boy, and I couldn’t understand that fear. My brain kept asking itself “who cares if I look like a boy? It doesn’t matter.”

She finally let me cut it the summer before my senior year of high school, and that is the first time I can remember feeling gender euphoria.

I loved how I looked and how it made me feel. My daily outfit of choice was usually “boy pants” and something very…gender neutral on top? I rarely wore dresses or anything hyper femme, but I never went hard in the other direction. It was all vibes, baybee.

I started growing my hair out when I started college. I went to an extremely small, extremely conservative Pentecostal college still located in rural Georgia, and there was a lot of unspoken expectation to be a “cool church girl.” For those unfamiliar, “cool church girls” were “edgy” because they had nose piercings and wore makeup and pants. They had “hippy vibes” while being hyper-religious. For the first time, I felt like I stuck out in a very bad way. Somehow, the gender expectations of my college were way worse than those from high school. So, I went in hard on that vibe, because I lost all sense of self.

These photos suck because it was the early 2000s and THAT’S JUST HOW IT WAS. In that particular picture I was also very much in the clutches of an eating disorder, so obviously there was a lot of self and body hatred happening in that person.

I got married the summer before my senior year of college. I was t w e n t y years old (it’s 9 and a half years later and I’m getting a divorce…soooo 😬). I was still so deeply immersed in this hyper feminine imagine of what a good Christian girl looked like. I was miserable for a lot of reasons, not just related to gender, but not unrelated either.

(That’s a candid of me like an hour before I was supposed to get married. Staring into the middle distance and dissociating a little 😅)

So, I got married, and then I thought, “okay, I did the thing, now I can go back to being this more comfortable and less feminine version of myself, because I successfully got the Ring Before Spring. No need to pretend any longer. So I chopped my hair off and instead of paying attention in class I fucker around with Snapchat filters and edited beards onto my face.

I remember my husband at the time messaging me after I posted that selfie on Facebook asking me to take it down because it “made him feel uneasy and uncomfortable” to see me looking like that, even if it was supposed to be “funny.”

That same year, for my big senior paper for my capstone class, I chose to write about why gender affirming medical care was the most compassionate and moral thing a Christian physician could ever offer to a patient. I was starting to wake up to issues of gender and sexuality insofar as how they related to larger society. As I learned about trans folks, I felt a deep yet confusing sense of empathy for how miserable it must feel to be in a body that doesn’t feel right, but to essentially have no medical options (especially at the time), to feel more affirmed in their gender.

I wrote that it is the responsibility of every physician to heal, and traced it back to the disciple Luke, who was often referred to in my school as “the first doctor.” I pulled out scripture references about the unrestricted love of god along with how preposterous it would be to deny care to someone who had a “more acceptable condition.” I think at the time I used cleft palate as an example. I wrote that it would be monstrous to deny reconstructive facial surgery to someone with cleft palate (if it was something they wanted), but if a trans woman wants facial reconstructive surgery in order to look more feminine, suddenly everyone has a huge problem.

At the time I still firmly identified as a cis woman, but it was while writing that paper that I remember having my first conscious thought about my gender. I thought to myself, “this…really all makes sense to me. Uh oh.” Then I shoved those thoughts and feelings into a box that I didn’t touch for almost a decade after that.

The next three pictures represent the “my egg is about to crack but it hasn’t yet” period of my journey. I went back to being hyper femme for a long time, and ended up with really long hair. I got pretty obsessed with makeup and makeup culture, and usually didn’t leave to do anything significant without a full beat. Eventually that waned, and I started to get this restless feeling that I sometimes got. I felt that I needed a change, because I wanted to look…more like myself? I just knew I wasn’t happy with the current state of things and something had to change. So I dyed my hair…a lot.

That felt good for a long time. But the restlessness returned in full force.

By that time, I had fully deconstructed Christianity and had been out of church and Christian culture for years. I had accepted my queerness and come out to most people, and was also practicing polyamory. I realized that so much about me had changed in a way that finally felt authentic, and yet. Something still felt like it wasn’t right yet.

I had gained a lot of language for gender expansiveness by then, and had a lot of experiences with being around trans folks, really for the first time in my life. Existing closely with people who threw all concept of gender out the window and reformed it into something that felt good to them made something click in me. Finally, f i n a l l y, it made sense to me. I wasn’t a girl, and I never had been. I wasn’t a boy either, and I didn’t want to be one, at least not in the stereotypical binary type of way.

I slowly started talking about maybe being non-binary to the people I was closest to, and while the first reaction was a solid dose of surprise, when they actually processed it 100% of the people I talked to said something to the effect of “oh that makes a lot of sense, actually.”

So here I am now, Very Nonbinary and very very very rarely femme. A lot of times I lean toward a trans-masc-ish identity or way of presenting, but it changes so much that a more specific label feels pointless.

I’m happy, finally. I don’t know where my gender journey will take me, but what I do know is that I fully have the freedom to go where I want and continue finding who I am, and that feels goddamn good.

Bonus for those who got to the end: me in the seventh grade dressed as Henry David Thoreau for, and I cannot emphasize this enough, *literally no reason.* there was not a school project or presentation, there was no assignment. I just wanted to do it, so I did it. The fact that I didn’t question my gender earlier frankly just confirms that I have always been the biggest thembo of them all.

[madecanary]

(  NICHOLAS  GALITZINE  |  CIS  MALE  |  HE  +  HIM  |  TWENTY  -  ONE  )  — — —  it's  just  been  another  long  week  in  boring  -  ass  hawkins.  isn't  that  right,  WILLIAM  BYERS?  shit,  i  guess  they  can't  hear  me  over  WHY  CAN'T  I  TOUCH  IT?  by  BUZZCOCKS  playing  through  the  headphones  of  their  walkman.  it  looks  like  they're  gonna  be  late  for  WORK  as  a  SALES  ASSOCIATE  at  FAMILY  VIDEO.  did  you  know  WILL  has  been  in  hawkins  for  HIS  ENTIRE  LIFE?  yeah,  their  family  and  friends  describe  them  as  GENTLE,  but  i've  seen  them  be  RESERVED  too  !  i  would  also  say  they  remind  me  of  a  wound  in  the  shape  of  a  boy, raw-bitten  lips  as  sweet  as  they  are  sour,  an  intolerable  tenderness  nestled  in  a  center  that  cannot  hold,  splotches  of  ink  littered  haphazardly  across  flushed  skin,  eyes  rife  with  mischief  and  melancholy  in  equal  amounts,  but  is  that  weird  ?  i  guess  nothing's  too  weird  for  this  little  town,  huh  ?  — — —  (  dev,  any,  25,  est  )

usually found trying his best to not visibly judge family video's patrons and their taste in film, doodling on scrap paper, bobbing his head to whichever mix he's listening to now, with his head in a book, getting away with being a little shit in the background, and being soooo normal 😁👍 (lies) prominent traits empathetic, coy, pragmatic, anxious, sweet, sensitive, pixyish, prone to keeping things in & then exploding, self-sacrificing, frank mini anachronistic playlist climbing up the walls (radiohead), i'm just a kid (simple plan), prey (the neighborhood), i wanna be adored (the stone roses), basket case (green day), good feeling (violent femmes), unloveable (the smiths), my love mine all mine (mitski)

bridging the gap

whatever dreams will had of going to college were momentarily completely and totally squandered by The Horrors and Their Consequences. he went through a lot, year after year, and leaving the nest to venture out into the great unknown by himself right after just... wasn't in the cards for him yet. he wasn't quite ready, didn't know how to reconcile what he felt with the life he was living and the one he wanted to live. so, he stuck around.

got a job at family video because if the abysmal reviews in the local paper were anything to go by, then clearly this town was in great need of at least one person with good taste to guide them, and who else could it be but him, your resident movie buff? he's been there for a minute—probably over a year now—and he likes it. he likes it a lot, actually, and probably abuses his employee discounts lmao.

a lot can happen in two years, especially two years of peace, so i'd like to think will continued his self-realization journey he was on in canon and is in a better place than he was. he's in this unique position of simultaneously being both hypervisible (widespread gay rumors & bullying have existed since forever, and his family dropped hints throughout the years lol) and invisible (it doesn't stop girls from barking up the wrong tree; some doubt still exists), and he'd use that to his advantage. it isn't safe to be fully out, but i think... that if you need to know, you'd know. ...you know? so, not out-out, but not making a concerted effort to appear otherwise. you either notice his flags and put two and two together, or you don't. does that make sense? his family absolutely knows, and i do imagine he'd want his chosen family to know and love the real him, too.

considering his unfathomably shitty luck in life, he probably spent most of that first year of peace waiting for the other shoe to drop, and only finally exhaled when november came and went without any issues. still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life (does he go the practical route and do something with computer science? or does he chase after his pipe dream and pursue art?), but he did enroll in some gen ed classes at the local community college with intentions to transfer someday, so that's progress. he still feels so behind, like he should have moved on by now, but baby steps are still steps.

so, y'know. he was living that small town life. getting by, shooting the shit, trying to not shit his pants thinking about The Future. everything was fine! so great, so normal. until. :)))))))) he started not being able to sleep as well as he used to. started feeling anxious, not entirely alone. he thought it was just... him, y'know? he knows he has ptsd, he knows that life isn't always as easy for him as it is for others — he made peace with that. but... he thought he was getting better, that things were finally starting to look up for him. and now this?

he hasn't told anyone. his options are both shitty: either he's so scared of growing up that he's getting bad again (and then he has to be the mentally ill one, ugh!) or it's not just him and they really are in danger (and now they have to fight for their lives again, great!). nightmare scenario no matter what. but it's probably fine. it's just his brain turning his fear of the unknown and unfamiliar into something that he does know and is intimately familiar with. it's — no, yeah. that's probably it. right...?

so, basically, old habits die hard and will has fallen back into the routine of pretending that everything is fine and soooo very normal, unaware that he looks and acts like a prey animal to anyone with eyes. if he has bags under his eyes, no he doesn't. if he's been listening to should i stay or should i go? again, no he hasn't. if he's extra quiet, extra jumpy, and a little more sensitive than usual, well. what happened to minding our own business, huh? 🤨 can't a man be a freak in peace? could someone going through it do this? (cue will giving himself a choppy wolf cut in shitty midnight bathroom lighting). it's literally so fine!!!!!!! (<- lying again)

he may... have to start opening up a little bit, though, given the latest murders. maybe. but only if you promise to not get mad... 🙄👉👈

extra tidbits

it's very important to me that will has a little gay hoop earring that someone gave him at like three am during a sleepover on a random whim. sometimes he wants to buy a pearl and serve full on girl with a pearl earring realness, but he also doesn't want to get hatecrimed, so. little innocuous hoop it is 💛

joining the war on smoking on the side of smoking by following in s1's historical accuracy footsteps and making will an occasional smoker. and yes, he does still bum cigarettes knowing full well he has a pack of his own on him (we love a scammer) + it's been a lil bit more than occasional ever since the return of The Horrors :(

i'll still be writing will as a sweetheart of course, but bitchy will is so near and dear to me. his season three WHO CARESSSSSS 🙄 & cracking up at the boys getting dumped & you weren't with her? 🤨😒 & general #imwithher vibes and season four sighing and rolling his eyes and calling others out etc mean Everything to me. get their ass, william!!! sigh and bitch and moan and complain, as is your right!!!

will had that hair you see in the second gif, but he cut it recently and now it looks like the first and third gif. is this because i'm indecisive? perhaps....

he still loves dnd + still the same old geek + still loves [video] games + please hang out with him he wants to hang out can he come over to hang out or do you want to come over to hang out when are y'all gonna hang out bc he just told me he wants to hang out. btw

[midwestgender]

Was scrolling thru my snap stories today and gender has been so odd for me. I’ve always been really attracted to the butch/femme stuff but I lost soooo much social approval when I presented butch/masc that it became so terrible for my self esteem and I can’t figure out if I really did enjoy being more masculine or not because it’s so clouded by the self hatred I experienced at that time. But I was also occasionally quite feminine during my teen years and I remember enjoying that because I felt closer to being attractive but also I felt like I was not myself at all. trying to untangle gender identity and self esteem has been soooo difficult for me over the years.

[dograthirst]

V recap: more hickies, kissing this time, fingers in mouth. hair clippies are soooo fucking cute and feminine but i think he doesn't care either way about them. handcuffs were also very fun, wrapped his arms around me and it felt very nice.

also tried hair pulling really hard, and playfighting. He is stronger than me so I cheat by pulling his hair and grabbing his jaw forcefully. bit him so much and gave him so many hickies

he asked me to slap him, getting more demanding, asked me to call him princess. anytime babygirl <3

told him to try to be quiet, i put my hand over his mouth and bit him until he made noise, then slapped him. did that twice and then the third time i counted to ten and he was quiet. called him a good girl as a reward. I think giving him a goal to work toward is more fun for him, fun for me to make it difficult too. when I counted to ten I didn't do it evenly, kissed and bit skin between numbers.

tried dirty talking, i.e. if i had a dick i would facefuck you any time i felt like it. i love saying DUMB SHIT and the other person still clearly thinks it's hot <3 i also said if you were a girl id use a vibrator and make you come three times before i was done with you

um what else. oh yeah tried the stabbing thing, it was fun. also I put my rings on his fingers and he looked really cute and femme like that.

afterwards laid in his bed talking about random shit, occasionally pulled his hair. petted him a lot too, very nice to talk while cuddling. when I lay on top of him I can feel his legs working when he gets horny

[little-bloodied-angel]

OH BOY IF THIS ISN'T ME!!!!!

Not only that but usually the type of femininity is different too. Me, I'll wear basically anything now, but I started wearing femme outfits with alternative Japanese fashion in which that specific expression of deliberate hyperfemininity had always meant to be a middle finger to conventional female roles. Most femme or hyper femme nb people I see aren't wearing Approved ™ versions of femininity. It's eye-catching and out there and yeah, weird sometimes.

I'm SOOOO not wearing the Catholic Womanhood mold that was imposed on me growing up. That felt weird and alien and wrong. I'm out there in a glittery all pink outfit with 7 inch platforms and a pompom choker and extremely visible makeup that is purely decorative and not meant to fix or hide my damn face. My hair is at my hips and my cishet mother is perpetually having a conniption over it, and over the multitude of "improper" feminine things I wear. And me? I've never felt so comfortable being feminine/visibly femme as I am after understanding that a) it didn't define me, especially not as female, b) it wasn't an obligation, and c) I could make it FUN.

I know SEVERAL afab nonbinary people who, as soon as they came out as nonbinary - immediately began dressing in ridiculous hyper-femme outfits they never would have worn before.  A lot of people see this and say shit like “Theyfab” or say they are only nonbinary for attention.  After all, look how femme they are.

But to me, this makes perfect sense.  When you are forced into the category of “woman” against your will, femininity is a chore.  It’s a job that you have.  As soon as you say no, I’m not a woman, suddenly femininity isn’t your job anymore.  It’s not a requirement.  It’s just a fun hobby you can get into.  Or a little treat sometimes.

[thelesbianpoirot]

omg i'm soooo glad you're enjoying scott and bailey. i know the show doesn't really fit the definition of "queerbaiting" as such, but they FEEL like lesbians to me despite the constant scrotes going in and out of their lives. i think it's because they are so normal and look normal and dress normal. there are no fillers or shapewear or high heels or performances of femininity. they're just normal kinda grungey women (who should kiss). it's v refreshing compared to how sexualised and feminised a lot of female characters on tv are (even ones who are meant to be lesbians).

did you ever watch the rookie (or the rookie: feds)? there is a lesbian character who pops up on the rookie and then as the lead in the spin off, and she is squeezed into skin tight cleavage tops and dresses 24/7. she has a full face of make up at all times. her hair is glamorous and silky. she's a lesbian but i felt completely disconnected from her, whereas i do feel connected to scott and bailey (and jill!!!).

can i rec another "wow everyone looks a real human" show to you (sorry, you've got so much to watch already haha). last tango in halifax. it's not a cop show, but bear with me. it's about an old man and an old woman meeting and falling in love (again, bear with me). the reason i'm reccing it to you is their (unrelated) adult daughters who i shipped like i have never shipped anything else in my whole entire life. like it got to the point where i - a lesbian woc - was howling at the tv like "PLEASE break up with your black girlfriend and go marry your white sister in law!!!!" LMFAO. there was so much electricity between them!!! if you watch this after you're done with s&b, you'll notice that one of the daughters is the recurring lesbian from s&b s3 :)

You're right, and the writing is really solid too and the acting is good. But yeah, they look like beautiful women but a real kind of beautiful. And they aren't posing constantly, or being made up when they are supposed to be a mess. Grungey isn't the right word, because they are still feminine and well dressed and thin actresses, but still 10000% percent real. You see age, and lack of padding, and no surgery, and a normal amount of makeup, these women look like they may be your boss, or the lady at the bus stop with you or someone you see buying coffee. For women who have het love affairs I do enjoy them more than the any lesbian character played by a 23 year old straight swimwear model who can't act her way out of a paper bag and is given a story about as complex as "oooh a girl kissed me what do I do?" You're 27 stacy go finger her about it! I quick the rookie early on, the actual cases they went on were fucking stupid, I only got about five episodes in before quitting, I seriously only think this show got greenlit because nathan fillion got a bunch of money from cops to create recruitment propaganda for them. The episode where the tiny women was abusing her massive wrestler husband was pure fantasy. I can imagine they can't write a lesbian character for shit either, or dress her in anyway that says she's for the female audience. I am surprised they didn't let us have any of the women as gay or bi, at least give us gill, but no...Scott and Bailey says you will love these het women and eat these crumps of female solidarity.

Lmao I'll add last tango in halifax to the long list, today I am watching miss marple, so I don't end up marathon all of S&B before my vacation is up, but they love to give them a black girlfriend and give the two characters no chemistry, just boring token rep, so I can see even the sister in law chemistry being more interesting. If you do want to watch a crime show (of course I am predictable) with a interracial lesbian couple, one of my favorites is Pippy and Tara from Rosewood. It's a series cancelled two season in, but they are adorable and I love them. Both really femme but they sell gay to me.