#I think I def internalized it over the years and it suckkksss | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

midwestgender · 11 months ago

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Was scrolling thru my snap stories today and gender has been so odd for me. I’ve always been really attracted to the butch/femme stuff but I lost soooo much social approval when I presented butch/masc that it became so terrible for my self esteem and I can’t figure out if I really did enjoy being more masculine or not because it’s so clouded by the self hatred I experienced at that time. But I was also occasionally quite feminine during my teen years and I remember enjoying that because I felt closer to being attractive but also I felt like I was not myself at all. trying to untangle gender identity and self esteem has been soooo difficult for me over the years.

#I’ve thought deeply about going on testosterone but I just don’t know if it’s for me #I’ve also been exposed to the ‘butches are just self hating women’ rhetoric sooo much and #I think I def internalized it over the years and it suckkksss #but I also think looking back I was also suicidally depressed when I was feminine presenting.#so whateva #also looking at my old masc haircuts they were so ugly for real ❤️#nowadays I dress pretty masculine and tbh would absolutely be read as butch if I didn’t have long hair and very feminine facial features #but alas i like my hair long at least for now ��#it’s weird because I’ve met people more feminine than me who call themselves butch #and people more masculine who call themselves femme #which I guess I should just take that as I can call myself whatever I want to #but ive always had a hard time with that

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