vanillabeanniall

[vanillabeanniall]

my heart truly goes out to liam's family who had to find out about their son and brother's passing via the news and fucking social media. i can not believe what they must've gone through to get that notification and then get messages from numerous people asking them if it's true, when even they didn't know how to believe. the absolute pain of flying to the other end of the world overnight to recognise your own son and bring him back home in a casket. meanwhile the relentless news and social media are gallivanting pictures of your deceased brother and son, mere moments after his death. having to not only come to terms that they've lost a family member, but then to witness the brutal and harsh cruelty of the world while they are still waiting for him to be brought back home. i hope that bear never, ever comes across these photos and articles. and i hope that they sue the fuck out of tmz and any other media outlet that has been at the forefront of his dehumanisation into oblivion

[vanillabeanniall]

"Its possible to acknowledge he's a bad person and be saddened by-" dude he's dead. He died violently and suddenly and it was probably awful the entire time. A guy died. Stop turning everything into how you have the morally superior take. A guy DIED in a TERRIBLE way. Now is not the fucking time to go "erm acshtually he did xyz" or disclaimer everything with how you Don't Support Him. You don't need to say that about someone who just died in a violent and painful way. You don't need to turn someone's death into that. The guy has friends and family who can see that shit, be quiet if you can't keep that to yourself.

Besides, he was only 31. If you think someone is finished cooking at 31 you have a big storm coming. You don't know the kind of person he would've become if he had the chance to actually live his life instead of just the beginning of it.

Don't turn someone's DEATH into how your opinion of him is the most morally pure one on the internet. He wasn't a war criminal, he was a boy band member who got internationally mega-famous when he could barely even legally drink

[vanillabeanniall]

not to be fake deep but one direction is the greatest band in the history of the world

[vanillabeanniall]

therapist: how are you feeling today? me:

[vanillabeanniall]

[vanillabeanniall]

that line in best song ever “i hope you’ll remember how we danced” hits me like a truck every time and it makes me so sad but also really happy because like we all know that one direction were always such terrible terrible dancers but despite that they always got up on stage and did their own thing and just had fun and tbh i’m going to remember every single moment i’ve shared with them for the rest of my life and like as trivial as that line seems it means the world to me

[vanillabeanniall]

some of 1D's best songs exist because of liam payne, by the way. liam and louis were the dream team. they all wrote some good songs, but man. every time liam and louis joined up together, it ended up being a fucking banger. better than words. end of the day. fireproof. there are so many, so many strong songs that took 1D from being just a silly little "girl band" (which is what they always were and always will be to us, to me) to being something special, something that pierced through the industry whether people liked it or not. that was my band. they were my boys. i will miss liam for the rest of my life, and i'm not exaggerating that. not only because of who he was in the band, not only because of who he could have been once he held himself accountable enough to grow. i will miss his music, his talent. his voice. god. his voice. i'll just miss him. i miss him already.

[vanillabeanniall]

feeling grief over someone who shaped part of your childhood / teenage years ≠ excusing his actions.

you can grieve someone and still not like them or agree with their actions. a reminder that two things can be true at once.

[vanillabeanniall]

we for real for real need to stop making children famous

[vanillabeanniall]

[vanillabeanniall]

Honestly thought I’d be like 78 years old before I’d get the news that a member of one direction died

[vanillabeanniall]

i have no idea how to process this. it’s not unfathomable and it’s something i’ve thought about many times but i don���t actually know how to process it. what do you mean he was such an integral part of me growing up and he did some fucked up things in part bc of the fucked up environment he grew up in and now he’s DEAD and can’t do anything to try and make amends. what do u mean the boys now means harry louis liam niall zayn. what do you mean he left behind a child less than 10 years old. what the fuck do you mean

[vanillabeanniall]

also. i don't want anyone turning their grief and anger onto maya bc she's not at fault. i'm just picturing the clusterfuck that social media is going to be in the next few days and i can already see people turning that way and just no, let's not do that

[vanillabeanniall]

i do have to say that TMZ is a fucking plague and needs to be stomped out. the way they shared the news of michael jackson’s death before his family was notified, shared images of the kobe bryant helicopter crash before his wife had even found out it happened, and have now shared images of liam payne’s dead body for the world to see… just fucking slimy and utterly devoid of integrity

[vanillabeanniall]

It’s something you’ve thought about many times??

i have. not like a fantasy obviously but i knew one day i might read about one of them dying and i never knew how i’d react. i still don’t know how to react. i’ve just been sitting here. but in the last year or two i’ve been especially worried about liam and his well being. the online harassment started long before he had anything to do with maya—what happened during their relationship isn’t my business and i hope maya heals from it. but the vitriol against liam existed before that and only gave people a moral high ground to stand on to justify their cruelty. people made jokes about his appearance, his talent, his sobriety, etc long before maya said anything. i really really hope this wasn’t a suicide but if it was i wouldn’t be surprised. i’m just sitting here thinking maybe someone will come out and say haha got you! it’s a joke! but a man is dead and he was only 31 and i never actually prepared myself to grieve any member of one direction

[vanillabeanniall]

Every single one of you had a hand in changing our lives and I hope you’re as proud as we are.  xx

[vanillabeanniall]

hiding in the work bathroom right now because i’m grown up and i have things to do and responsibilities to meet and i didn’t even know him but. there’s a 15 year old inside of me who is absolutely reeling and panicking because that 15 year old did know his voice and his public persona and his contributions to a band that meant a lot to so many my age. like. this is a storyline from a horror movie. not something that was supposed to happen to someone so important to me in my adolescence. i don’t know how process it and I can’t imagine how the people he did really know are. i can’t wrap my head around it. so i’m. just gonna be. 15 years old in this work bathroom right now