#as in a cis man called himself queer for dating a non-binary person

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

It’s always interesting stumbling upon those people on the internet that are just so clearly wrong you don’t even want to argue

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Polyship Week 2024, Day Three: Reverse Tropes – Convinced Not Actually Dating (Modern AU)

It's Day Three of Valicer Polyship Week 2024, as presented by @polyshipweek, and we're up to an interesting prompt: "Reverse Tropes!" Basically taking a trope and switching it around into its opposite -- the classic "Only One Bed" becomes "Too Many Beds," for example. Now, I wasn't originally going to do this prompt for this day -- I was more interested in "Queerplatonic Partners," as I felt I could write something interesting about Smiler and Alice's dynamic within the OT3 for that one --

And then I ended up writing "someone is a jerk to one of OT3 for some reason, and gets theirs by the end of the story" fics for Alice (Valicer In The Dark version) and Smiler (Soulmates AU version) for Days One and Two of this particular week, and decided that I needed to do a third story on that theme from Victor's POV to round out the trilogy. And when I looked at the linked examples of "reverse tropes" provided by Polyship Week in their write-up on the prompt, I came across this list which included the reverse-trope "Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating." Pair that with various tumblr posts I've seen decrying people being "gatekeepers" when it comes to queer identities, and I quickly came up with a story where poor Victor gets harassed at his first Pride by a jerk who's convinced he's a "cis het faker" and can't believe he's dating Alice and Smiler. :( Sorry Victor -- I had a theme to keep to! And fortunately, as per that theme, he gets his at the end... Enjoy!

--

“So – first Pride, I’m guessing?”

“What – oh, yes,” Victor said, smiling awkwardly but genuinely at his surprise conversation partner as they – they looked like a man, but Victor was not about to make that assumption at Pride – sidled up to him. “A-am I that obvious?”

“I can spot people like you a mile away,” the person replied, looking him up and down. “Ben – he/him, if you care.”

“Oh, thank you – Victor, he/him as well,” Victor introduced himself, offering a hand. “N-nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Ben said, giving him a rather perfunctory shake. Then again, Victor supposed a handshake was probably a bit formal for this setting… “What are you doing here?”

“Just t-taking in the sights – my partner insisted we come,” Victor explained, glancing around hoping to spot Smiler or Alice and wave them over. I know I told them I’d be fine on my own for a bit, but they’re both so much better at talking to people than I am… “I grew up in a rather, ah, r-repressed little village, so I never got to experience this before now. It’s been…” He paused, swallowing as someone walked by in a leather harness and not much else. “Enlightening.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Ben said, folding his arms. “Partner, huh?”

“Yes – I have two, actually, but Alice is as new to Pride as I am – oh, there they are!” Victor pointed at Smiler – resplendent in their non-binary stripes tee, favorite pair of worn black jeans, and bright yellow sneakers – and Alice – proudly decked out in a purple dress with white and black triangles along the skirt hem – standing by what looked like one of the merch tables. Smiler was holding something in their hand, showing something to an intrigued-looking Alice. “Those two, right there. They’re really into celebrating who you are.”

Ben looked over at them, then back at Victor with a raised eyebrow. “You came here with them?”

“Yes – my girlfriend and my themfriend,” Victor said, a warm glow suffusing his body as he watched Smiler gesture at the thing in their hand while Alice rocked thoughtfully on her heels. “They’re – they’re the best. I’m quite lucky to have them in my life.”

“...yeah, I’m calling bullshit on that.”

Victor blinked at the sudden harshness in Ben’s tone. “I – what?”

“I said, I’m calling bullshit on that,” Ben snapped, moving a little closer to Victor. “Fuck me – you really think you can just gesture at anyone in this place and say that they’re your partners? Especially those two?”

“I – uh – n-no?” Victor stammered, automatically reaching for a tie that wasn’t there. “I – t-those are my p-partners.”

“Sure. Sure.” Ben looked him up and down again, appraising him and finding him wanting. “Two people like that are gonna want to hang out with you.”

...Oh. Oh wow. Victor had thought he was used to comments like that, but – he hadn’t expected to hear any of them at Pride. Nor for them to sting like that. “T-t-they do,” he insisted, aware that his nervous stutter was not helping matters. “I – I a-admit, I’m not sure why m-myself, but–”

“Save it,” Ben snapped, inserting himself into Victor’s personal space – and suddenly Victor was hyper-aware that, though Ben was shorter than him, he was definitely more muscular. He backed away on instinct, eyes flicking around for the nearest tall object to climb. “I told you – I can spot some cis het faker a mile away. You asshole – you think you can come here, enjoy the party, and claim to be one of us, then go back to being ‘normal’ tomorrow? Huh?”

“N-no! No, of course not – I-I-I’m bi!” Victor babbled, flapping a hand at his blue, pink, and purple sunset sweater while holding the other up placatingly.

“Sure, yeah, you’re ‘bi,’” Ben growled, complete with scare quotes, and somehow that hurt even worse than being told he couldn’t possibly be dating Alice and Smiler. “Just long enough to get a few drinks, anyway. Then you’ll go home to your simpering little girlfriend and tell her all about us ‘queers’ and have a good laugh.” He poked Victor hard in the chest, making him stumble slightly. “Well, I’m here to make sure that doesn’t happen. So how about you get your stuff and–”

“Excuse me.”

Ben turned around – and immediately doubled over as Alice’s fist introduced itself to his gut. “How about you get your stuff and clear out?” she snarled, in a tone of voice that Victor somehow knew she had used with Bumby. “Before I decide to show you just how good I am at knife tricks?”

“Alice,” Smiler said in warning – though judging by the expression on their face, they weren’t really all that concerned with stopping her. “No getting us kicked out.” Their eyes narrowed as they regarded the gasping Ben. “But yeah – I’d recommend you fucking skedaddle.”

It was a testament to how angry Smiler sounded that they could use the word “skedaddle” and yet Ben still left, holding his middle and shooting them all confused, slightly terrified looks. “Fucking gatekeepers,” Smiler grumbled, then wrapped a tight arm around Victor. “Hey – you okay?”

“I – I-I’ve been better,” Victor murmured, dropping his hands. “I d-didn’t expect...I t-thought...isn’t t-this whole thing about acceptance?”

“It’s supposed to be, but some idiots think they’ve got reverse gaydar and gotta ruin it for the ‘interlopers,’” Smiler said, rolling their eyes before giving him a squeeze. “Probably would have assumed I was a cis guy too…I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“And I’m sorry we didn’t show up earlier,” Alice said, coming around to give Victor a hug from the other side. “Smiler was rather invested in showing me some of the flag pins they had on display over there – we didn’t realize what was going on until the bastard started getting loud.”

“It’s fine – I’m sorry you had to do that at all,” Victor mumbled, putting his arms around both of them and pulling them against him. “I didn’t...I just…”

“It’s not your fault,” Smiler said firmly, patting his back. “You didn’t anything except exist.”

“Some people are just arseholes – believe me, I would know,” Alice agreed, before stretching up on tiptoe and tugging him to the side slightly so she could kiss his cheek. “But I imagine he won’t be bothering us again now that he knows how prone I am to violence.”

Victor laughed despite himself. “Hopefully...if you don’t get in trouble for slugging someone,” he added, grimacing.

“I think we’ve got plenty of eyewitnesses saying he pretty much started it,” Smiler assured him, looking around at the other attendees before shooting him a grin. “Would picking up a ‘Bi Pride’ pin make you feel better?”

“...I think it would, yes.”

[lacependragon]

Hot Wheels: Battle Force 5 Updated Headcanons

A long time ago, like at least a year but probably several, I made a list of gender and sexuality headcanons for the Battle Force 5 characters. I thought I’d update it.

For reference, my ships these days are:

Vert Wheeler/Zoomer Takazumi

Sherman Cortez/Agura Ibaden/Stanford Isaac Rhodes IV

AJ Dalton/Tezz Volitov

Spinner Cortez/Zemerik (short term, sex) then Spinner with a non-binary OC

Let’s get to it:

Vert is a bisexual cis man. He tends to prefer men, slightly, but has slept with a lot more women. He’s a bit of a slut and has been very fearful of relationships since a bad one in high school. He can and will sleep with anyone he can convince into his bed.

Zoom is a gay cis dude. He doesn’t give a shit about gender roles, he isn’t super concerned about keeping quiet, and he’s pretty cheerful about his experiences.

Stanford is a non-binary (he/they) queer person. He’s got a slight preference for women but he’s never been picky. He’s polyamorous and enjoys commitment. Likes queer as a blanket term and because its non-specific.

Sherman is a bisexual cis man. He’s not super into genders other than women, but he’s open, and he ends up falling for Stanford and Agura. He’s very quiet about it and speed runs a sexuality crisis over Stanford. He ends up rolling into polyamory because it works out.

Spinner is a queer trans dude. He doesn’t know his sexuality. He doesn’t really care. He’s given up. He’s queer. That’s all that matters. He bangs a robot (Zemerik) at one point. Not loud about his sexuality or his gender.

Agura is a cis woman who, as she puts it “is about as straight as you want her to be”. She typically prefers to call herself pan, but she’s also ID’d as bi, polysexual, and queer. She’s demiromantic. She’s never tried being polyamorous before but she likes it.

AJ is a mostly cis pansexual guy. He doesn’t really give a fuck about gender, though he’d probably call himself a demi-guy if he knew the term. He loves everyone. Has no real preference. Just loves love.

Tezz is a cis dude and he is both demi-romantic and demi-sexual. He doesn’t think he really likes anyone, but then he falls for AJ over the course of the war. He ends up really enjoying sexual intimacy.

Grace is bisexual and cis. Loves dates. Not big into slutting it up. Bit of a size queen.

Sage is the Sentient equivalent of a lesbian and has a wife (OC).

Zeke is a little old gay cis man. He’s got a husband (OC) and used to do drag in his younger years.

Zemerik liked Spinner for the boning.

Kalus also has a husband.

Alien Race Shit:

Sentients don’t really care about sexuality or gender.

Vandals are fine with sexuality but being a warLORD with a husband is considered better than being one with a wife. It’s like Old Ass Greece that way.

OCs

Corona is Sage’s wife.

Xunsu is Kalu’s black panther husband.

Sun Wuu is Grace’s future girlfriend who is trans and pan.

Noah is Zeke’s gay husband.

Kero is my red sentient OC who is nb and aro/ace.

Kyru is another OC you haven’t met yet who is also NB.

[virgowhizzer]

This isn't canon analysis like my last post, but it's a fan theory. It's just my headcanon. You don't have to share it.

I'm not sure Finn would ever write a trans character, especially not in the 80s. I just don't think it's in his repitoure of personal experience. However, this headcanon actually enriches the story and characters imo.

Mendel is a transgender man. I don't think Mendel is secretive about it, I think he's just stealth. In the time period of the Falsettos, being a trans man often meant being stealth. Until recently, it was often called "the invisible identity".

Why would he be ashamed? A pro-gay therapist/aging hippie has no reason to be ashamed of their own queer identity. In fact, I would be surprised to learn that someone like him, who surrounds himself with queer friend, family, and clients, is cishet!

However, there is the issue of misgendering. Before trans identities and gender pronouns were more accepted among the general population, any client who found Mendel to be a trans man probably would misgender him. Not out of malice, but out of a lack of understanding.

As such, I imagine him confiding to transgender clients, so they feel safe and understood.

To a wary trans Mendel, this misgendering threat includes Marvin. After all, Marvin is a guy caught up in his own gender identity of straight manhood. He can't see the forest through the trees.

Which is why it's so significant to me that Mendel's therapy teaches Marvin how to be a queer man, rather than holding onto a facade of straight masculinity. I think that Mendel's perspective on gender and manhood makes the most sense when he's a trans guy.

In Mendel's relationship to Trina, he presents a form of manhood that has been clearly woven so as to be masculine, but also gentle and considerate. It's an expression of male masculinity that I've seen in a lot of trans guys, like myself.

Mendel is no less masculine than Marvin's straightsona, but Mendel's version of masculinity is natural, not forced. It's self-assured, and places him as an equal to Trina. Who better to redefine masculinity as non-toxic than a transgender man?

It's clear to me that Mendel has considered what manhood and masculinity mean, as most cis guys do not. Mendel's gender identity subverts societal norms, while being totally binary.

Still, how would the hetero Trina feel about dating and marrying a transgender man? We know that, at first, Trina could have never known Mendel's transgender identity. But, what about potential "trans panic" once Mendel came out to her? After all, she seems to long for a "conventional" marriage in "Breaking Down"?

Trina and Mendel's relationship seems to fly in the face of straight gender roles, despite being totally binary and hetero. In that way, Trina gets what she wants out of a relationship with a man, without power struggle. Then, because of (not despite) Mendel's gender expression, the relationship works out perfectly. Trina truly loves Mendel for his genuine version of manhood, whatever that may mean.

This might put all of his anxieties surrounding dating and romance into perspective.

Regarding Marvin and Mendel's struggles to retain power over the idea of "family": these struggles have new meaning when you consider Mendel's attempt to claim a euphoric gender role that's long been denied to him.

Honorable mentions: finger guns, he's short (and won't let us forget it), etc.

As a relevant aside, for a personal hero of mine:

The REAL transgender activist, Lou Sullivan, had top surgery and HRT (before The Falsettos was written).

He was a gay transgender man, who educated people on transmasculinity. He put transmasculine narratives in the public eye. He did an amazing amount of activist work.

I bring this up to say: being a transgender man was an invisible identity for so long. But, around the time of the play, that was beginning to change.

I don't bring this up to trivialize historic activism to fit my fictional headcanon. Instead, as a transgender man, I want to say: we were always here, even if we are silenced.

Because of this, the idea of a transmasc character in a gay play set in the 70s-80s is pretty cool and also historically backed.

If you don't subscribe to my headcanon, nbd! It's just a personal theory. I put way too much time into this post. I didn't even fully agree with my headcanon at first, but I've sunk so much time into my analysis that I think it would be pretty neat to consider.

[asteroiideae]

okay, so I don’t make these kinds of posts often because tbh I’m a little lazy and very tired like 24/7 lmao but I’ve been seeing a lot of Pride reading lists hit my dash (and they’re excellent, and I save them all!) buuuut reading books is still a roadblock I’m struggling to mentally overcome -- and audiobooks are great, but they take 84 years (sometimes literally???) to get through. so! I thought I’d share a (very tiny) list of the queer manga I’ve read this year that you might enjoy for Pride, with some descriptions/trigger warnings/thoughts to go with them. so here we go in no particular order other than where they sit on my bookshelf:

What Did You Eat Yesterday? by Fumi Yoshinaga

okay so I know I go on about this manga at literally every presented opportunity, but I honestly just can’t help myself??? as a thirty-something queer adult, I really love the quiet maturity of this relationship between Shiro and Kenji; especially when it’s highlighted by references to shenanigans of their youth, and the ways in which they are still growing as both individuals and a couple. I’ve only read the first six volumes but I’m OBSESSED.

Status: Ongoing (17 volumes; 15 translated) Summary: Shiro and Kenji are an established adult couple with separate careers and interests, whose relationship is depicted over the meals cooked for them by Shiro. This doesn’t have an overarching plot, which might be off-putting for some readers; each chapter can be compared to a fanfic one-shot, usually containing it’s own tiny storyline or theme. It’s literally just domestic moments and meals shared between these men. Warnings:��While I didn’t personally have a problem with this, younger readers might find some of the dated terms offensive. If you’ve spent any time with older queer folks (older as in 45-50+) this won’t be anything you aren’t used to, but if your experience of queer folx skews younger or online, you might get taken by surprise. There’s also some internalized homophobia; and by some I mean quite a bit. Shiro’s personal arc (at least in the first six volumes) heavily revolves around how much he closets himself and tries desperately to pass as “normal” in Japanese business culture.

Boys Run The Riot by Keito Gaku

holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. this story is so good??? so VERY good??? I was a little cautious, and a little bit uninterested in a story about teens (only because I’m in my thirties and crave more adult representation,) but I was VERY WRONG to be. Boys Run The Riot is beautifully drawn, beautifully written, and probably my favorite work on this list. the mangaka is also trans so the inherent understanding and nuance of our protagonist’s experience is really lovely. Also featuring a fantastic brotp between a trans boy and his new himbo bestie; no seriously if you want a story about a trans boy getting to have good broships with other boys his own age I CANNOT stress this enough. Volume two is releasing next month; I have it preordered. I’m laying on my floor wishing for time to hurry the fuck up. I need more of this smol angry trans boy and his big soft himbo bff. PLS. Status: Ongoing (4 volumes published; 2 translated) Summary: Ryo Watari is a second year high school student who is trans and struggling to feel comfortable with his very rigidly structured life at school, at home, and among his friends (to whom he is not out.) By chance he meets Jin Sato, a cis boy who also feels outcast (often judged for his appearance without any deeper thought.) When Ryo comes out to Jin in a state of frustration, Jin accepts who Ryo is and makes an offer -- why not start a fashion line that subverts all the expectations that have been put on them both; why not express themselves even when they’ve been told they shouldn’t. Warnings: Ryo is struggling with gender dysphoria, and it is written by someone who has probably experienced it, so it might be a little real for any trans folks who deal with that. Also, while neither the narrative nor Jin misgender Ryo (at least, not once he expresses to Jin that he is a man), Ryo is not out to anyone else and so he frequently is misgendered at school and we see how badly that impacts him and the way he views himself and processes his emotions. Ryo spends a lot of time being angry and trying to swallow it down, and that can be very raw to witness at times. There is also a depiction of unsafe binding (though the mangaka has an immediate note about binding safety, and goes further in-depth at the back of the manga.)

Our Dining Table by Mita Ori

okay, so I was a bit on the fence about whether or not I wanted to include this as a rec, but I decided that it might actually been what someone wants or needs, so here it is! while I really enjoyed this concept, and I’m always a sucker for found family stories (let me tell you I’m queer without telling you I’m queer, much?) it feels like this story is a bit rushed at times, and the romantic relationship between our protagonists is very blink and you’ll miss it. I don’t even want to call it subtle so much as it is just not remotely the focus of the story so it’s a little startling when it happens. but! if you’re looking for a story about adults processing grief and trauma together, and learning how to care for another person (and as a result, learning how to care for themselves,) this is a nice read that isn’t too heavy!  Status: Complete (one volume) Summary: Yutaka is a salaryman whose past experiences prevent him from reaching out to others, even through something so simple as sharing a meal. Despite this is REALLY loves to cook, and wishes he had a reason to do it more often. Then he meets Minoru, and his muuuuuch younger brother Tane (it’s like a 17 year age gap between the brothers?) and finds himself teaching them how to cook, and overcoming his fear of eating in front of others. Warnings: Good news, there’s no overt homophobia in this story! Bad news, the other trauma makes up for it! We have a lot of trauma surrounding parental death, childhood bullying, and adoption; in addition to an actual fear of eating in front of others.

Our Dreams at Dusk / Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani

this is the first manga series I collected, and I’m still very pleased about that. the art is ABSOLUTELY stunning? the use of visual imagery and surreal analogies to explain queerness is fucking on POINT. I cried so hard during a couple of these volumes I developed a migraine. I only have one piece of critique on the whole thing (addressed in the warnings,) and I intend to do another re-read when I’m ready for the catharsis of sobbing into my pillow again. Like Boys Run The Riot, Our Dreams at Dusk is drawn and written by a member of the queer community (a non-binary mangaka, this time,) and as a result it hits pretty fucking close to home in a lot of ways. while I really love this series it’s super not for the faint of heart, you WILL come out of this reading experience with some things to unpack. Status: Completed (4 volumes; 4 translated) Summary: We mostly follow Tasuku Kaname, as he is outted at school by a classmate as being homosexual, and his initial despair and subsequent journey of acceptance. In this process, Tasuku finds himself at a drop-in center, which seems to primarily function as a safe space for queer people; we meet several lesbians, an elderly gay man, a trans character, and a young character who isn’t ready for any kind of label because they are still ??? about themselves and their identity. Each of these “secondary” characters is given room to breathe and to work through difficulties of their own while Tasuku watches and learns that even though life is hard sometimes, there’s beauty to be found in one’s own strength. Warnings: hoooo boy; well there’s all kinds of homophobia and transphobia; a character is outted against their will (multiple times), there’s some really insidious transphobia covered by “concern”, there’s internalized homophobia everywhere, and a very complicated asexual character whose presentation left me (as an ace) with super mixed feelings and a lot of frustration (though I wouldn’t call it bad necessarily; just wanted to put that out there for my fellow asexual folks.) If you have read (or go on to read!) any of these, please let me know! I’d love to chat about the stories, and hear your thoughts on them -- because we’re a broad/diverse community and our own experiences shape us differently and give us different insights. <3 ANYWAY, for those of you who read this monstrous self-indulgent post, thank you! Feel free to add any queer manga you’ve been reading below - I’m always on the hunt for more recs!

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I'm afab, nb, and bi. I'm in a very happy relationship with a cishet man who has always been completely fine with me being bi, but me being nb disturbed him a little, because I only told him some 6 months after we got together. By now he's accepted that I'm nb and is supportive, but can't wrap his head around what that makes him - if he's straight, how can he be attracted to me, a nb person? The thing is that, being bi, I can't wrap my head around this issue because for me gender has never played a role in my attraction to someone. Do you have any advice that might help him? Thanks so much.

lol I also often struggle to understand how people can be monosexual. Blows my mind. Anyway... I’m cis, so my perspective is kinda limited in terms of how deeply I can relate to your situation. But from what I know about non-binary people who are dating binary people it’s a very individual thing whether you (as the non-binary person) are okay with your partner identifying as monosexual (gay/lesbian or straight) or not. Some are cool with it and others aren’t, afaik.

And that, I think, is one important aspect here. If he identifies as straight - is that okay for you? Or does it feel like he misgenders you? That’s a question you can only answer for yourself and whatever result you come to, it’s something you should communicate to your partner. Let’s say it doesn’t bother you at all - well then I guess the problem is solved because he doesn’t have to change anything about his labels for your comfort. But if it doesn’t sit right with you and it does feel like you’re being misgendered then it’s something you and he should try to navigate with more nuance.

If he was the one messaging us about this I would explain the following: bisexuality means attraction to more than one gender. Those genders do not have to include any or both binary genders, which means someone who is attracted to women and any number of non-binary genders can call themselves bisexual because nb genders are just as valid and “complete” in being A Gender™ as the genders man and woman. He does not have to be attracted to men in order to identify as bisexual (or heteroflexible or queer, to name some alternatives). And he, as the partner of a non-binary person, might just have to learn to accept the fact that he is not monosexual and that he has the ability to be attracted to someone who is not a woman. But in order for that to really sink in, it’s important that he fully accepts and sees you as non-binary, not as “woman light”.

I am definitely compassionate with him in the sense that this is like a ~surprise! you’re not heterosexual!~ situation that is suddenly thrown at him out of left field. It’s not a process that started organically from within himself where he realised “hey, maybe I’m interested in multiple genders, let’s explore this at my own pace” but instead his partner went “btw I’m not a woman” and now he’s probably very confused what that means for him. And it is possible that if you had never told him you are nb he may have gone his whole life never questioning his sexuality and always identifying as straight. I can’t even begin to imagine how strange that must feel for him right now.

Which is, again, why I think it’s important you both have conversations about this. Plural! this isn’t one 30 minute session and then everything is said and done. It’s probably gonna take a lot of repetition and self-reflection and going back to old topics from months ago and checking back in with each other. And it’s important that there’s nuance, patience and understanding on both sides. You shouldn’t be expected to just swallow a feeling of being misgendered (if that’s what you’re feeling) and he shouldn’t be expected to just change his sexuality label over night like it’s no big deal - because the way he’s stumbled into this situation probably does feel like a very big and unexpected deal to him. This is totally not to put any blame on you - you had your reasons for coming out to him later. I get it, it’s not your fault at all. But from his pov... he literally didn’t sign up for a sexual identity crisis so I feel like one’s gotta cut him a liiiittle slack and give him space to digest and decide if he does wanna sign up for it retroactively, you know?

I would recommend that you try to conntect with people who have made similar experiences where one partner identified as monosexual and the other partner came out as a different gender (be it non-binary or the other binary gender). Some relationships break apart because of this, others grow even stronger. Either way, I’m sure that there are some people out there who can help with some first-hand experience.

Maddie

[transmasc-tfw]

Queer Representation in Supernatural

Because I’ve seen a lot of posts about the whole queer business in SPN, I want to explain somethings, as a trans (non-binary) pan sexual (queer) man. So let’s discuss the three main characters (and villain).

Cas:

Castiel, Angel of the Lord. Angel, not human. We know that Castiel has been both male and female throughout his time visiting Earth. But gender is a social construct. And as we know, social norms and constructs aren’t Cas’ strong suit. He uses the he/him pronouns because that’s what Dean called. What he was given. And when Cas was in a female vessel in Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets (S12X10) Castiel used female pronouns, happily. This means that Cas is a being above gender. Castiel doesn’t have a gender. Meaning Cas is Agender

Additionally, we know of two people that Cas loved romantically. Dean, obviously, and Nora, from Heaven Can’t Wait (S9X6). We don’t know what this ran for Cas. Though we do know he doesn’t have a binary sexuality (gay/hetreo). The only person that can possibly answer that question is Misha himself. He could be bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, or something else entirely. So to ensure we don’t misrepresent Castiel, he is Queer

Dean:

Now we know Dean is male, he goes by the he/him pronouns. He has never shown interest in being female. Dean is Cis

Now this is where we get into speculation. We don’t even know if Dean is hetreo or not. From posts far better than mine, they have explained all the points in which proves Dean isn’t hetreo. Again, this leaves us with bi, pan, or omni. Now we know Dean has a preference for women, as they’re the only people the show shows us he’s slept with. Dean is bisexual

Sam:

Now Sam is easy. Again, Sam has never wanted to be female, he uses he/him pronouns. Sam is Cis

Again, this is easy, Sam has only ever shown interest in being with anyone but females. Sam is heterosexual

Chuck:

Chuck is difficult. Just like Cas, he is not human. He is a celestial being. As discussed, celestials don’t have genders. But! Chuck could choose who he wanted to be. Both his human vessel and writer. He choose to be male. So even though he was maybe born without gender, he chose to be male. Chuck is a Transman

And he’s stated, Chuck has dated both men and women, this means he’s not hetreo. But we don’t know his preferences. This means we can’t say wether hes bi, pan, or omni. So we must call him Queer

I could go on with Jack and Rowena and other characters, but I just want to point out one last thing. 3/4 of the main cast of S15 were Queer coded. 3/4 of the main cast of S15 were killed off before their time. The only person who is the outlier in the person with a fulfilling life. Is also the only Cis/Straight man. Sam Winchester. I’ll let you read into that what you will.

[becomingmac]

My So Called Life

I realized I never put my story on here. *for TL;DR will be in bold for people who doesn’t care to read. 

Adolescents: This story starts at a young age, It starts with my dad. My father wanted a boy. As a toddler we played rough games, I played Sega and played only football games. I wore shirts out of the boy section, I loved spider-man, Pokemon and Dragon ball Z. All things that related to boys. My grandmothers and my mom dressed me as girl, in pink, in dresses, capris, and other stuff that girls liked. But me, I didn’t like any of that. Barbies were a no. Girl coloring books were no. I thought care bears are the closest I got to them. I had Barbie sheets despite not wanting them. I was five years old when a girl punched me for liking blue and she told me that wasn’t a girl’s favorite color. I moved towards having friends that were boys. But never the popular boys though I envied them for all the girls wanting to be around them. Girls became more beautiful the older I got. I wanted them to see me the way they saw boys that they liked. Muscular, cool hair, boys clothing that was simple. But that wasn’t me. The older I got the more I was told I was a disappointment by my grandmother for not liking dresses and not wanting to have anything to do with being feminine. I had to wear bras despite not wanting boobs, I had to wear girly deodorant besides not wanting to smell girly.

Pre-teen: This body wasn’t mine and I didn’t want it. I began having crushes on all (not all but like most) my friends at the age of 11. But they all wanted boys so I pretended not to like them and liked boys. I made up lies and rumors, to cover up what I felt. At thirteen I learned about being a lesbian and I thought this was it. But don’t tell my friends they wouldn’t get it. I began to like my best friend. I tried to tell her, but she didn’t get it. I had my first girlfriend and I hid her away from everybody. She was proud to be with me but I didn’t feel the same. It was simply because I didn’t really like her and when everyone found out they didn’t act shocked. I told them I was bi so I seemed less strange to them. Girlfriend #2, When we would talk, I would take on the masculine role. That was me, the man. Another friend came out… or I outed. But she stayed with boys. Boys who were a mess and I didn’t understand. Again, I was not muscular, my voice wasn’t getting deeper and I wasn’t comfortable with me. I began dreaming about being what these girls wanted. Handsome, tall and muscular. But girlfriend #2 came back and forth. To feel the way I wanted I started doing.. unconventional things. 

Teenage: Girlfriend #2, dumped me because I got a haircut and she told that I no longer looked like a girl and she wanted nothing to do with it. Eventually she came back and we spent months together. She left me for someone who looked even more manly and was athletic. Things I wasn’t more of.I began cutting off my hair more and more. Eventually I was getting called Sir. My grandmother began complaining that I had too short of hair. But I finally came out to them and they understood and eventually I was out to everyone. My dressing turned manlier and honestly then and now, Boy jeans are fantastic. Truthfully, I felt relieved that I could dress how I feel and have my hair feel the way that I wanted. But I became embarrassed to dress on the boy’s side because I was a girl. But as equally hating the women’s side because I didn’t belong there. Bathrooms started getting uncomfortable and having to wear a band dress became uncomfortable. My favorite super heroes were all male and I related to them so much. My ships were heterosexual couples and I wanted to be the men in them. I was constantly being told “If you were a boy, I would date you.” Girlfriend #3, She made me into something masculine, taught me how to dress fully comfortably on how I wanted to look. I was 16, I was introduced through one of my friends to a Person #1and Person #2. Person #1 wanted help on figuring out how to be manly and how to officially come out. The more P1 explained to me all the terms and one stuck with me, Genderqueer. Genderqueer is (noun): a Person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both or a combination of male and female genders. Was this me? I began talking about my feelings to Friend 1 and she told me whoever I was, she’d still be my friend. P2 and talked and she told me she didn’t see it but I felt it. I started getting mistaken more, hardly having boobs was truly helping me. My mother was angry and she said that it made her feel sad that people weren’t seeing her daughter and for me to stop cutting my hair. I made my own mother embarrassed of me. Eventually I told Girlfriend #3 what I was thinking and what if I was this term, and what if I was a boy. she said that we wouldn’t be together because she could never see herself with a man. So, I buried my feelings deep down to continue in my relationship. Now I felt more weight I didn’t understand on my shoulders. The more I buried my feelings down, I began feeling unhappy, I was seeking attention from other girls, especially one. But she had a boyfriend. But Girlfriend #3 was still around, we were trying to keep things together, though she was cheating with someone more feminine then me. Why wasn’t I the girl I was supposed to be? I began to hate my relationship more and more every day. Bye girlfriend #3.  [Insert Complicated mess that is me and Friend 1] Again still a lot of people telling me that I was a better boyfriend than their boyfriends. Sorry your boyfriends sucked.

College: I became increasingly not comfortable in my body again. I began changing the way that I dressed, I switched to shorter shorts like frat boys. I might as well be one because that’s how douchy I look. I met Girlfriend #5, who was so much better than any girl I met. She matched my intelligence, she had an interesting life and we shared interests. Towards the beginning I told her about my gender problems and she said “boy or girl, I’ll love you no matter what. It doesn’t matter to me, You’re still you.” I had never cried so much like a baby. Her little sister I feel like she knew, in some way somehow “I’m girlie girlie and you’re boye boye.” [Fast forward like two years] As of march the conversation started popping up more and maybe because I didn’t feel like the person I was supposed to be. I would say things like “I don’t know, I’m not a girl.” Eventually I came to the terms of Non Binary. It just made sense, I wasn’t a boy or a girl. She supported that decision. I told my family, they were okay with it. My mom named me Thor. But it just didn’t feel right. I began feeling overwhelmed and unhappy. My grandmother she told me “You know what I don’t like about you? You’re not girly and you think you’d dress the way I want to make me happy.” I began thinking of what my life would be like as a male. A man, that’s a dream. At UTSA, I made a friend 2, I never paid a lot of attention to him but he was very nice to talk too. The conversation started over Gender Dysphoria. Gender dysphoria (GD), or gender identity disorder (GID), is the distress a person experiences because of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In this case, the assigned sex and gender do not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender. I made some comments on how I felt. Things like that I loved having short hair. Always being drawn to Boy gendered things. The happiness of being mistaken for a boy. How I had a name picked out if one day I decided I was a trans man. “That’s not normal, Cis people don’t say that. Oh yeah, and by the way I’m trans.” From that moment on, I began questioning my life. Who was I really? Why can’t I be Veronica? I wanted to be someone else. Anyone else, but Veronica because I wasn’t Veronica. I had never been. I stayed up sleepless on how I felt. I cried constantly because I didn’t understand myself even more now. I wasn’t the person I was supposed to be. I wasn’t muscular, I wasn’t tall, I wasn’t any of the things I wanted to be. And all I wanted was to be me. Girlfriend #5, she started noticing the crying and she started talking about this man she followed named Chella Man. Little by little she showed me more. Until one day I said “What if that’s me?” and she’s like “he has a ted talk lets watch it.” Chella Man, he was known as the boy named Rachel. I related to him and I started to understand him. Chella man identifies as Gender Queer. He talks about the difference between gender identity and presentation. While he was gender queer. He presented himself as a man with male pronouns. He said this way he didn’t have to get rid of his feminine qualities and he got to express his masculine qualities. There was a lot of crying but “No matter who you are, I am always going to love you and I’ll be here every step of the way.” I sobbed like a baby. That’s me, and that’s who I wanted to be. I reached out to Friend 2. He talked to me about himself and his life before. He showed me somethings that he wrote and they really hit home. I found out who I am and I felt all the pressure go away. While one thing still bothered me, how would my family take it? Later one night I wrote out this long facebook message about who I was along with that video. I lied to everyone though, I told them that I didn’t know which pronouns I wanted. I wanted He/Him. The decision of not telling them bothers me. But I assured them that I was still going to be me. Because I am me. GF #5 and I started looking up names and making me comfortable with male pronouns and other words like Boyfriend (I hear big time rush in my head right now) We even choose a name, Mateo Aiden Carranza. MAC just like my uncle and my dad. I started by buying a binder and continuing my conversations with Friend 2. I told my three best friends about my decision and my name change and immediately they went into helping me. “can I call you Matt for short?” “love you no matter what, bb.” “Is that how you would like me to address you?” “It doesn’t bother me.” “you’re an inspiration.” I started reading things online and researching how to go about everything. I released a video on snapchat asking people to help me. Everyone supported, and people started asking how to help. But It didn’t help the way I felt, and it caused me to spiral – Quit my job, went through a break up, tried to die. The usual problems. I came out to my family. I started realizing somethings such as I constantly compared myself to Boys from the age of 5 to even the ones I see now. I created doubts and faults of myself that way. I had no way of being them. I lead myself down a path where I pretended to be someone else. Someone who tried so hard to be happy with the cards they were dealt, but man they were some shitty cards. Being Veronica was exhausting. It made me realize this whole, I didn’t care who I was because GF #5 made me feel like it didn’t matter, I could have been like a furry and she probably would have been down with it. But I’m happy now. Got a decent job, I love the people I work with and I got to start fresh with them. Started T as of this week. I have the support of all of my family. Schools aright. But yeah. I still have the rest of my journey ahead.

Always Forward, Never Back.