#but it feels worthwhile at least

[lobautumny]

A doll sits alone, and ruminates on its life.

It thinks spitefully about its maker. A maker who only ever feigned love, who never gave it the kind of warmth and closeness that it needed as its soul was developing. It asks itself the question of why it was even made. It's a stuffie, a being with the purpose of cuddles and emotional support sewn directly into it. And yet, nothing. Distance.

Distance.

It thinks wistfully about the beings it feels closest to. Friends of several years who would happily help it fulfill its purpose and give it the love that it needs, if only they could. The emotional connection is, at least, enough to keep it alive, to keep it functional on some level, and it is extremely grateful to them. But it curses the mountains, plains, and oceans that separate it from those beings. Despite how close they are to it, the distance between them and it keeps what it truly needs securely out of reach.

Distance.

It feels a fleeting memory from a time when the world felt warm float by it like the distant smell of cooking meat. Tantalizing. Desperately, like a starving bloodhound in the winter, the doll tries to track the source, to relive the memory. A glimpse of sunlight. The sound of rain on a roof. A second of comfort. Then, nothing. The memory disappears without a trace. Was there ever such a happy time in the doll's life, or is its mind just playing tricks on it? Does it just want to believe such a time existed? With no clear answer, the distance between the past and present overwhelms the doll.

Distance.

It recalls the times it was at its weakest, barely alive. It thinks about the consequences of the years it spent removing itself from itself as its only means of coping with the constant unraveling of its mind. It still has trouble feeling present. It let dissociation become its baseline, its default state of being. There are days when it knows nothing is wrong, but it still struggles to feel anything. Evading its emotions. Increasing the distance between it and itself.

It's always distance.

[mister13eyond]

dont normally post about drama but this seems relevant:

im seeing a lot of people jump to "james somerton was never good anyways" in retaliation for the hbomb expose, but there's a really fine line to tread there before you get into stepping on the toes of the people he stole from, you know?

some of his videos and analysis did seem genuinely intelligent, thoughtful, insightful, and well-written. yeah, it turns out those are the result of him stealing from other people. but that doesnt mean the original writers WEREN'T intelligent, thoughtful, insightful and good writers. he had plenty of garbage opinions interspersed throughout, but the reason many people (myself included) were suckered in by him is that the queer creators he stole from DID have really important and interesting analysis. the parts of his videos that were good were stolen, but by discounting his essays entirely we're throwing the baby out with the bathwater and insisting those he stole from didn't have anything important to say.

the parts he himself supplied were trash, but he stole the work of some genuinely brilliant and insightful writers and passed it off as his own- and that writing still exists and is still brilliant and insightful; we just know now who was actually responsible for it and who to thank for that work

lets just be careful when we smugly proclaim that we always hated everything he had to say- because a lot of the words we're discounting were never his to begin with, and the last thing those authors need is to have their work trash talked because it ended up in the mouth of someone dishonest

[ourhouseishaunted]

people acting as if laios can Do No Wrong and infantilizing him because he is autistic are annoying as hell. especially because laios belongs to my favorite genre of character: "person who desperately wants friends and deep relationships because they're lonely, and while part of their problems stem from people not wanting to understand them and refusing to meet them where they are, they also genuinely come across in a way where you Completely Understand why others can get turned off from them"

[canisalbus]

in light of that last ask, would you ever consider drawing Machete enjoying a little treat? Maybe licking cream off his snoot after devouring a sweet, or laughing at something unexpectedly silly, or being caught up in the beauty of something and showing some wonder...? Glimpse of happy Machete

(which, as an angst writer, is also a large part of how to make the bad stuff hit. Rip that happiness away, make a smile too ephemeral, etc. Joy as the most fragile of things, that can't be pursued and comes on its own terms...)

I love how you put it, "joy is the most fragile of things and comes on it's own terms".

I do, in fact, have a bunch of happy/content/uncharacteristically genuine Machete pieces underway. If I can keep up this surge of motivation I've been having during the past five weeks or so, you should see them soon.

[jacksprostate]

ok look getting paid to do all the stupid little trainings from the comfort of my own home is super cool and leagues better than my prior work environments however the only thing worse than those stupid trainings is NOT having those stupid trainings to do, having nothing to do, and sitting here twiddling my thumbs and pretending i should be paid for this. i am going to deglove my arms

[cassynite]

.

[coldgoldlazarus]

Suddenly hit with the unfortunate realization that I have fallen out of love with Arknights

[redstrewn]

Notes are cool but when u start talking to me...thats worth 50 notes babey

[kirby-the-gorb]

special edition birthday roundup :)

thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes! and also to the two people who sent me kofis hehe I think I am going to buy a hat :) (I keep my hair short because I am sick all the time but the only ballcap I have is a washed out navy blue one I inherited from my grandpa! obviously I need a cute pastel one if I'm going to be wearing cute pastel clothes more often!)

and now we will look at the cute kirbs people drew for me!! they all make me very happy and they are all very cute!! I am saving them all to my computer (with attribution) so I can keep them forever :>

@danwithouttheplan sent in an ask that said: I always enjoy seeing your kirbys on my dash, so I thought I'd get in in the fun. Happy birthday! and drew this:

he is so cute!! I love his tiny hat and his tiny face and his enthusiastic pose!!! thank you!!!

@tinynoxx sent in an ask that said: Gorb is here to wish you a happy birf! and drew this:

ohhh he squish!! oh I love his expression he is so cute!! and his little blushies!! thank you!!!

@sunlit-art [reblogged] and said: happy birt day c: (you inspired me by saying there should be more low key simple drawings of kirby. this was very fun!! and very simple!! thank you. sorry i can't kofi :( but i can kirby hehe. thank you for the drawings you do very day :) kirby is indeed a gorb) and drew this:

ohhhh soft!! he is soft!! he has been given a birthday balloon!! I love the shape of his eyes :> (I'm glad you had fun! and I guarantee you I'm getting at least as much joy out of this drawing as I would have out of a kofi! no one has to apologize for not being able to do whatever, I am just a silly little guy drawing silly little guys for my own entertainment <3 )

@kitkat-cantdraw [reblogged] and said: frien has come to join the party!! sit down and get a hat. :D and drew this:

the shade of pink you chose looks so nice with his hat!! and they're both so cute and round with big round feeties!! they are so cute thank you!!! WADDLE DEE has joined your party. :)

[gu6chan]

maybe its sample bias but i think it's kinda funny how most people I've seen who've played drakengard because of nier are making ending e THE endgoal and more often than not the main if not only reason they're playing the game at all and when they finally get it they're like "this is it the single most impactful, greatest moment of all gaming. im wiping tears from my eyes this is it" and then you see the drakengard fans who've played drakengard because they like drakengard and you ask them about ending e and they're like "eh. it was okay, i guess"

[stunfiskz]

can yall be honest should i stop posting

[dufrau]

long ao3 comments my beloved

[chiropteracupola]

wow it is This Guy again.

[flintlock fortress is, as always, a collaboration with @dxppercxdxver]

[angerygoomba]

listening to ants from up there like a normal healthy person that has relationships that they know will thrive and will not be lost and is certain of their future and enjoys whats happening today and what was happening yesterday and last week and last month. and im cool about it

[eternal-moss]

They really decided to make the last part of the event so interesting to cancel out the excessive amount of trite fanservice in the previous 3 chapters 😭

[dirkxcaliborn]

I think it's really cruel to feel awkward and exhausted and uninterested while interacting with people, but end up feeling lonely and disconnected when alone. You shouldn't be forced to crave things you're ill-suited for. You shouldn't be forced to struggle and fail and be miserable when you try and miserable when you don't.