#but it could have been so much more interesting than sanderson made it

[shouldprobablybereading]

Hot take of the day is that I think sanderson not letting adolin murdering sadeas have any real consequences killed like 95% of interesting debate on the morality of it

[fixfoxnox]

Okay but think about this, the cod boys' reaction to having a Barrack's Bunny with them.

(if you don't know, a Barrack's Bunny is usually a woman, but can also be a man, that sleeps around a lot with their colleagues)

Idk if you want to like do all of the fabfavorites, but I'ld be most interested in how König, Ghost and Keegan would react!!

While we're talking about König, I had a stroke of genius a few days back and decided that König to me looks like Lee Pace, so...yeah, I'm imagining Lee Pace as this man. Lee Pace is also my fc for Johnathan Sanderson but that less important rn also I'm assuming we want romance/spice here so:

COD Boys Reaction to Finding Out Reader is a Barrack's Bunny

Characters: Price, Ghost, Gaz, Soap, Roach, König, and Keegan

Warnings: Possessiveness, NSFW Implied, Minor NSFW, choking (light), mentions of STD's, reader is a barracks bunny (sleeps around essentially)

Price

Price sees you coming out of some new recruits room, hair mussed and clothes wrinkled

He's not an idiot, Price has been around, he's had people like you on teams that he's worked with before

Still, this is the first time he's actually felt tempted

Calls you into his office a week later, after he's done more research and watched you dissappear in and out of different bunks. He had to be sure before he could act.

Sits you down and tells you that he knows what you've been doing

You're in a panic, sure you've been enjoying yourself but its not worth losing your job over

Everything is made even worse to you by the fact that its Price speaking to you about it

Captain of the illustrious Taskforce 141, everyone knows him, everyone knows his skill

You, in particular, know how fucking attractive he is

So while Price is "scolding" you (literally just telling you the dangers of what you're doing) you're trying desperately to pretend you aren't losing your shit and horny as fuck.

Then, at the end, Price is tapping your papers together and tells you he wants you to stop sleeping around with other recruits

He tells you that he wants you to get tested weekly now, to make sure you don't have anything

You ask him in a meek voice why weekly, why weekly if you're supposed to stop?

He leans back in his seat, his eyes practically devouring you as he reminds you

"I said stop sleeping around with the other recruits"

Price gives a much better offer. If you want to fuck around, why not fuck around with his team rather than the typically less than stellar recruits you'd been sleeping with

It's really not much of a question for you

When you accept, you see just a hint of a smirk tug at his lips, not much but enough to have you going warm

If you're warm then, you're sure you'll combust when Price pushes his seat back just enough to motion to the floor in front of his chair, his legs spread

"Go on then, you can start with just your hands until we get everything else sorted."

He doesn't interact much with the new recruits outside of training, but he knows you

Ghost

Ghost learns about what you've been up to from Price

He's seen the way the other recruits flock to you and hang off of you, he knows several of them have crushes

He assumed, however, that you hadn't been giving any of them the time of day, so he's a little shocked to hear what you've actually been up to.

Maybe part of him is a little jealous, but the bigger part of him is excited.

If you're willing to fuck with recruits who barely know how to use their cock, surely you'd have no issue with him.

He waits for Price to talk to you and waits patiently for everything to go through before he makes his move

It's after training and he's just watched you the whole time, anticipation for whats coming

Ghost doesn't indulge often, but when you're so open and he's feeling more than a little desperate, its easier to wait for you outside of the locker room.

As soon as you step out he has you by the arm, pulling you somewhere quiet and secluded

He has you pressed against a wall, a thigh pressed up against you as he gets close.

He makes sure you know that Price has told him what you've been up to

He enjoys the embarrassment that flushes across your face, but doesn't let it last very long as he presses closer

Asks you if you've been satisfied with the recruits you've been fucking with. Asks you if they fuck you the way that you like.

He's right against you now, his entire body pressed against yours so all you can do is shake your head no, feeling flushed from head to toe

"Bad choice going for the recruits, if you're going to sleep around you can at least get something out of it. You want something out of it?"

Let's a hand land temptingly over your crotch as he waits for your response, his intentions are perfectly clear.

He waits for your permission before jumping you, but he certainly makes his point about those recruits

Its not hard for you to say you'll be aiming higher up from that point on

Gaz

Absolutely miffed when he finds out

He probably spends the most time around the recruits, so he definitely knows you

He never would have expected it from you

Never would have known if he hadn't overheard some recruit trying to brag about it

"You're not special, they're a bunny dude. They've had like half the people on our squad."

Has a whole moment™ because he knows he has to tell someone about this, like its part of his thing as a superior to you

But also 😏

Maybe he can handle it on his own

Bides his time, watching and waiting for the perfect opportunity to approach

Ends up finding it when he sees one of the recruits yoinking you out of the cafe for a very clear purpose

Hustles through a short cut to be able to cut you guys off

Acts like he has no idea what you guys were about to do

"Oh, there you are. I've been searching up and down for you. Think I can borrow them for a sec?"

You're more than a little confused when Gaz takes you back to his room rather than any meeting room

The lock of the door clicks behind you and the two of you are left alone

Gaz starts with the professional side of things

"I know what you've been doing."

You run cold and rush to explain yourself, but Gaz stops you with a hand raised

"Listen, this can't be good for you, and its against regulation, so I really do need you to stop."

You nod your head rapidly, prepared to literally fall to your knees in thanks for him not ratting you out. That is until he steps into your space

"However, if you're careful, maybe have one person take care of you, maybe it'll be alright."

Your eyes widen and a part of you runs hot as Gaz reached forward to tuck a finger under your chin, guiding you closer with just a light touch.

You're literally helpless against him, unable to do anything but follow as he brings you closer

"I'd be willing to volunteer, if you'd like"

You do end up liking ;)

Soap

Soap barely knows the recruits, he hardly pays attention to them

However he does know you

Soap's had his fair share of flings and his fair share of run ins with Barrack Bunnies before, he knows the type.

And he sees you chatting it up with the recruits and his brain clicks into place immediately

Maybe he doesn't believe at first, but later he sees you sneaking out of someone's room and he knows his instincts were right.

A part of him is really excited

Since joining the 141 he's held out on enjoying any of the more risqué things that people get up to

And he's been a little too busy to actually seek anything out even if he'd wanted to

So to have you show up and fall right into his lap? He plans to take full advantage

Soap knows the game, he knows how this all works. You don't talk about it directly

So he starts by fully introducing himself, giving you his name with a joke and a little bit of flirtation attached to let you know he's interested.

Then comes the talking as he slowly hints at what he wants, what he knows that you do

You pick up on it all pretty quick, after all this is part of what you do

Still, to say you're surprised would be an understatement

A member of the famous taskforce 141 wanting to use you? Sign you tf up

When one of you finally cracks and invites the other back to your room/bunk, its a literal flurry of movement

You're both pretty much ready for this so it makes sense that you're both on the exact same page

Course he takes good care of you and you're more than pleased. He's easily the best you've had

Later when you're laying in bed together Soap tells you:

"As your superior, I am required to tell you that you need to stop this by the way. However as me?? Well, I'll find you again soon."

Roach

Roach is the unlucky one who doesn't realize what you get up to until he happens to walk by the wrong room at the wrong time

He's heading to a meeting with the rest of the team, completely oblivious to any of the people he passes or conversations going on

That is until he turns a corner and passes a room where he can very clearly hear moans echoing from

Stops in place, absolutely shocked because hey that's a fucking broom closet

Sticks around just long enough to hear whoever you're with moan out your name

Then he's scampering off to his meeting, his face red and his mind only focused on what he's heard

Thats when he starts paying more attention and, after walking by yet another one of your rendezvous a few days later, he realizes exactly what's going on

He's a little uncomfortable to be honest

He found you one of the more likable recruits and had been helping you with your weapons tests

He'd taught you how to line up your shots quicker with a sniper and the fastest way to reload a pistol

He'd been rooting for you and you knew it

So a part of him felt uncomfortable because, really, if you needed someone to take care of you, why would you not come to him?

What was so great about all those recruits you were fucking? What was so great about hopping between people?

He probably wouldn't have been so odd about the whole thing if he was one of the people you were seeing

He's a bit distant the next time he helps you, not talking as much and hardly meeting your eyes.

He's touchy though, constantly reaching out to correct your form and brush his fingers over your skin in a way that leaves shivers down your spine

When your session is over, he stops you

"Listen, I'm not going to make a big deal out of this because I don't see whats wrong with it, but if you're going to be with a new guy every night, you need to at least find somewhere better than a broom closet."

You go bright red, stuttering out apologies and excuses about sharing the bunks with others, all while he watches you with soft eyes

"Well, I guess you could always use my room."

You stop stuttering and for a moment you and Roach just stare at each other.

He seems a bit unsure of himself, but after you don't rebuff him, he continues

"But I'm the only person you're allowed to bring back there. How's that sound?"

That sounded just perfect to you.

König

The thing about König is that he's very possessive

Its hard to keep things and have a constant in life when you're in the military, so when König finds something constant that he enjoys, he gets attached

You become a constant in his life after joining KorTac and falling under his command

König likes the people under his command, but he really really likes you

A part of him views you as his already, even when he hasn't quite worked up the courage to tell you yet

It frustrated him more then he could explain

All that confidence on the field, but when it came to something as simple as confessing his feelings and that anxiety from when he was younger would bubble back up

But what frustrated him more was coming to the realization that you'd been bouncing around the various KorTac members practically since you'd joined

Well, the various members minus him

He'd spotted you sneaking off with Conor or Roze one too many times and he wasn't stupid, he could figure out what was going on, even if it had taken him longer than he wanted to admit

He would have to rectify this issue

He calls you to his office, declaring it a matter of utmost importance, of course you believe him

Its easier for him when he can slip into his work mask, using the title of colonel to shield him from his usual anxiety.

"I know what you've been doing."

He calls you on it. Wastes no time in telling you that he knows what you've been up to.

You panic, assuming you were on the chopping block for breaking regulation. Apologies spill from your lips.

König listens to them as he stands up and rounds the desk, getting closer and closer to you with each step.

Finally he leans over you, silencing you with his towering presence

"You should be sorry. The only person you should be pleasuring is me."

You're taken aback completely, but you can't deny the heat that comes with the possession

König makes sure that you understand who it is you'll be taking care of from then on out, all while wiping the remnants of the other members of KorTac away from your skin with his own heated touch

Keegan

It's hard for Keegan to admit that he feels jealous

Usually he's calm and cool about things, always keeping a level head even with a gun pressed to his temple

He knows it and everyone else around him knows it

So its hard to admit when he is losing his cool, especially when he's losing his cool over you enjoying yourself

There are really no regulations anymore. The military is barely a military, held together by a string in a wasteland

So there isn't even anything wrong with what you're doing.

He can't tell you to stop, he'll just look like an ass

So instead he has to sit and watch as you cycle your way through half of the fucking platoon.

It eats him up, drives him crazy

He'd had Hesh make fun of him several times, mocking him for wanting to be one of the people you brought home

Hesh didn't get it, Keegan didn't want to be one of the people, he wanted to be the person!

Since finding out what you'd been up to, it had been hell, and he finally decided that it was time to confront you.

He corners you in one of the weapons tents, has you pressed against some ammo boxes as he asks you what you were doing the night before

You stutter through your answer, a little embarassed to admit to it, even if there was nothing wrong with what you'd done.

Keegan lets you stumble over yourself, enjoying the fool that you make before he just comes out and says it

He's not kind with it, instead he offers a more vulgar explanation and you gape at him, unsure of what to say or do

"No more of that, doll. I'm tired of it."

You go to protest, prepared to point out that he couldn't really stop you

Thats when you've got a leg between your thighs and a hand pressed gently to the base of your throat

"I want you all to myself. I'll take you better than any of those fucking rookies could even dream of."

He makes good on his promise

[onlycosmere]

REGARDING AUDIBLE

Brandon Sanderson: Hey, all. Brandon here, with what I consider to be some pretty exciting news. Many of you may remember when I wrote last year about my worries regarding audiobook royalties (particularly for independent authors). You can read it HERE, but some of the main bullet points are as follows:

I seriously worried about the opacity of reporting to authors about audio sales. We didn’t know what a sale meant, how much of an Audible credit was given to authors when a book sold via one, and how royalties were being accounted.

I felt that the industry was taking advantage of authors because of their lack of powerful corporate interests to advocate for them. While video game creators and musicians get 70–80% (88%, in fact, on two major platforms) of a sale of their products in a digital platform, Audible was paying as low as 25%–with the high end being instead 40%.

I felt I could have gotten a better deal for myself, but the entire state of this industry was seriously concerning to me. So, I made the difficult decision NOT to release the four Secret Projects on Audible, costing me a large number of sales, to instead try to bolster healthy competition in the space, highlighting some of the smaller Audible competitors.

I hoped this wake-up call would prompt change. I didn’t refuse to put my books on Audible out of retribution or to declare war; I did it because I wanted to shine as powerful a light as I knew how on a system that highly favored the audio distributors over the authors. I was convinced that the people at Audible really did love books and writers, and that with the right stand taken, I could encourage them toward positive change.

I’m happy to say that this stand has borne some fruit. I’ve spent this last year in contact with Audible and other audio distributors, and have pushed carefully–but forcefully–for them to step up. A few weeks ago, three key officers high in Audible’s structure flew to Dragonsteel offices and presented for us a new royalty structure they intend to offer to independent writers and smaller publishers.

This new structure doesn’t give everything I’ve wanted, and there is still work to do, but it is encouraging. They showed me new minimum royalty rates for authors–and they are, as per my suggestions, improved over the previous ones. Moreover, this structure will move to a system like I have requested: a system that pays more predictably on each credit spent, and that is more transparent for authors. Audible will be paying royalties monthly, instead of quarterly, and will provide a spreadsheet that better shows how they split up the money received with their authors.

This part looked really good to me, as I understand their decisions. I tried poking holes in the system, looking for ways it could be exploited, and found each issue I raised had already been considered. This doesn’t mean it’s going to be perfect, and people smarter than me might still find problems that I didn’t. However, I think everyone is going to agree the new system IS better. We will better be able to track, for example, how Audible is dividing money between books purchased with a credit and books listened to as part of their Audible Plus program.

It’s all very technical, but I have to say I’m impressed with the effort they have made. The people there listened to my complaints, and have tried to improve. I’m not at liberty to explain in its entirety their new structure right now, as they’re still tweaking it, but they did say I could announce its existence–and that I could promise new, improved royalties are on the horizon.

Now, before we go too far, I do anticipate a few continuing issues with the final product. I want to manage expectations by talking about those below.

What I’ve seen doesn’t yet bring us to the 70% royalty I think is fair, and which other, similar industries get.

Audible continues to reserve the best royalties for those authors who are exclusive to their platform, which I consider bad for consumers, as it stifles competition. In the new structure, both exclusive and non-exclusive authors will see an increase, but the gap is staying about the same.

Authors continue to have very little (basically no) control over pricing. Whatever the “cover price” of books is largely doesn’t matter–books actually sell for the price of a credit in an Audible subscription. Authors can never raise prices alongside inflation. An Audible credit costs the same as it did almost two decades ago–with no incentive for Audible to raise it, lest it lose customers to other services willing to loss-lead to draw customers over.

These are things I’d love to see change. However, this deal IS a step forward, and IS an attempt to meet me partway. Indeed, even incremental changes can mean a lot. When I was new in this business, my agent spent months arguing for a two-percent change in one of my print royalties–because every little bit helps. These improvements are going to be larger than two-percent increases.

Because of this, I will be bringing the Secret Projects to Audible very soon. I consider Audible to again be a positive force for the industry, and I have decided to shake hands with them. Audible has promised to release their new royalty system for all authors sometime in 2024, though I should be testing it in the next month or so.

And…if you’ll allow me a moment, I’d like to say that this feels good. It isn’t what I wanted, but I’d begun to think that nothing would ever change–that even my voice, loud though it can be, wouldn’t be enough. Yet change IS possible.

I know that there are plenty of people out there who are tired of hearing about me and my works (I’m sorry–I do have quite the group of evangelists, and we can be an enthusiastic lot). However, for better or for worse, I am one of the bestselling authors in the world. Historically, one of the best ways to change things in my industry is for authors like myself to force it to happen.

Feeling this responsibility, when I was first talking to Audible about these issues in 2022, I made it very clear that I wasn’t just seeking some quiet deal that gave me an individual advantage. I wanted to see positive change for all authors. And while I don’t think I can take sole credit, I do feel like my efforts this year have had a significantly positive effect. Soon every independent author who publishes on Audible (and maybe, eventually, traditionally published authors with the huge publishers–depending on what New York decides) will be getting a larger cut of the profit, with more transparency about how that cut is allocated.

So, for those who have been waiting until Audible had the Secret Projects, you’ll get your chance soon. I hope you’ll support them, and support Audible for their decisions. And thank you to all of you who shared the news about my problems with the audio industry last year; I believe that pressure really did help. This is a victory for all of us, because happier authors able to make a better living (particularly those authors who are struggling in the midlist trenches) make for a more vibrant world for everyone.

[atla-what-is-this-site]

Fixing Voltron's magic system FT. Sanderson's Laws of Magic (and examples from various famous media)

Firstly, let's begin with what the Alteans canonically can do. As seen throughout the series, two alteans shown actually manipulate quintessence. Another has super strength but no magic. A final is shown to have none. (poor Coran). It is implied the majority (if not all,) have these abilities. 

Quintessence manipulation seems to have one small limit:  When Allura uses the magic too much, she passes out. But remember: shes powering a giant ship. We never see Team Voltron going and getting gas or whatever, which means Allura is probably the sole supplier of power for the Castle. Which is an example of how OP this ability is, even with the limit.

Then we have super strength and shapeshifting, two other abilities that all (or i guess most, since Coran never shows any signs of having them) Alteans seem to have. These abilities seem to have little plot importance besides a few certain episodes. There is nothing inherently wrong with these abilities. However, when you pile them on top of (if I'm being completely honest,) a character who's already quite over-powered, I think you can understand why I'm not the biggest fan. 

We know quite a bit about Alteans. They're one of the most important species in the series. According to Allura, they're super-ambassadors, and they use their shapeshifting to better blend in. Their culture seems very intellectual-based, with Alchemists holding high places. They mixed magic and tech to make incredible ships like The Castle. 

This is where things tend to taper off. We get brief glimpses of what could be rules: Allura always places her hands on whatever shes infusing. Clearly, you must be Altean or of Altean Heritage. 

Now, let's take a look at Brandon Sanderson's laws of magic. 

Number One: "An author’s ability to solve conflict with magic is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to how well the reader understands said magic." 

This means that if we want to solve problems with magic, we need to explain how that magic can solve our problems. So, for example, Harry Potter. Every spell that Harry uses is explained beforehand so that the audience knows what he's doing. It just wouldn't work if Harry went around Lumos-ing away, making the reader guess what the spell does. 

However, in The Lord of The Rings, Gandalf doesn't need to tell us anything, because he barely ever uses his magic for plot important things. Readers don't want to read three paragraphs explaining how he made his fireworks, when the story isn't about his fireworks.

Number Two: Limitations are more important than power.

What your magic system can do doesn't make it interesting. There's no power that hasn't been thought of. Infinite power makes it impossible to come up with a plot. The character could solve anything, meaning there's no point in telling about the solution to their problem. However, when you throw in weaknesses, costs and other limitations, you get a much more original and interesting idea. 

Picture that one scene from Aladdin, where Genie tells Aladdin about the three rules. (No playing with free will, no raising the dead, no wishing for more wishes.) It's a simple and easy to follow system, with limitations that make the plot more interesting. Aladdin can't make Jasmine fall in love with him magically, so he's forced to come up with other ways. 

Rule Three: Expand what you already have before you add something new. 

This one leans more on general worldbuilding, but what he's saying here is don't shove new ideas in your reader's face. Don't create new magics out of nowhere. Build on what you already have. 

There aren't many examples of this, luckily Voltron isn't really guilty of this, so elaboration isn't really needed.

Now, we'll take these and begin perfecting the magic system. 

First, what is Quintessence? Quintessence is, essentially, the animating factor. It's what makes living things alive. It's a form of energy. 

This isn't to say nonliving objects can't have it, but most don't, unless it's given to them. 

Quintessence is energy. It can't be created, nor destroyed. However, you can transfer it from one container to another. 

There are a few things you can do with it. Firstly, giving a living being quintessence can make them stronger. This is what Haggar does with Zarkon throughout the first two seasons.

Next, taking too much quintessence from someone will "de-animate" them. A.k.a. They die from lack of life. 

There is one third thing you can do with quintessence. It takes a lot of training and a bit of energy. But I imagine you could also make these huge shockwaves that just fucken decimate everything in a 300 foot radius. However this is more after-we-get-ridiculously-good type material.

Our limits are these: 1. You must draw energy from something, whether that be your own energy or someone else's. If you use too much of your own, you could pass out and die. 2. You must maintain contact with whatever you're imbuing with energy/drawing energy from. (The only exception is the shockwave. But the shockwave comes from your hands so..?) 3. Too much quintessence can become an addiction. Specific examples can be Zarkon and Haggar. 

A little interjection: While Alteans have a lot of quintessence, it can only power a small ship for a few hours. However, Altean ships have evolved to collect quintessence from bacteria that gathers on the ship's metal. This keeps the ships sanitary and also helps with efficiency. As well, ships often use Balmera crystals as a secondary source of power. Balmera crystals hold high levels of residual quintessence.

We can construct so many different plotlines that can't be solved with quintessence, or the limits can prevent solution. What if the person who needs healing is out of Allura's reach? What if she doesn't have enough energy?

That wasn't so hard, was it, VLD team?

[forestshadow-wolf]

do you have any roach fic recs... any ship, any plot, any length, i literally have no preferences other than /roach/ i need more roach centric fics in my life....

I DO!

but first you should check out this post from @/boxofthings they have quite a few Roach centric fic recommendations. however it has been about six-ish months since then so I'll just add ones from recently

"you are a memory" by withyourrythm

"It takes 8 days of nursing an infected gunshot wound at his thigh, of trying to keep Roach breathing through the nights, before Ghost realizes that there is no help coming. Then, it’s time to move on."

"Roaching Around" by KDFoxbug

"Roach is captured by the enemy and becomes buggier"

"GhostRoach teehee :3" series by ghostroacharemybabies

Filled with a bunch of little stories I wrote of GhostRoach. Some sad, some happy. It’s just a mix of a bunch of emotions.

"Candy shop" by littlehorusaximand

roach is down bad for his lieutenant and his captain, and they accidentally find out.

"serendipity" by bravo six going queer (cornerdreams)

Roach gets back from a mission involving ice shelves, a compromising of his captain, and a harrowing snowmobile chase. Ghost is just happy he came back home safe. Both of them do a little reflecting.

"Just one kiss" by grechka_zhest

“Hey, L.T. ,” Roach muttered, licking the spoon and wincing right after at the taste of metal and canned meat, if it can even be called one, on his tongue. "Hm?", the lieutenant’s voice was tired and quiet, like Roach's own. It's nothing new. The sergeant quickly licked his dry lips, covered in small cuts. "Ever kissed before?", Sanderson asked with a grin in his voice. He himself doesn’t know whether this was supposed to be a joke or an insult. But behind the malicious grin there was a lively interest. Ghost chuckled, placing the now empty can on the ground, next to the sole of his boots.

"Memento Mori" by Anonymous

Roach got his callsign from being an unkillable insect with very little self preservation instinct. Unfortunately the rest of the team can be a little like that too, to the detriment of each other.

"How (not) to ask someone to marry you" by kkyso

Gaz needed to find a quick way to propose to Roach, but all his ideas seemed to go wrong. Until Soap has the brilliant and absurd idea at the same time, Making Gaz rethink the whole plan.

"These Bones Are Broken" by fixfoxnox

Roach nearly loses someone and it results in a momentary break in his carefully constructed mask.

"Two sergeants, one lieutenant" by Roach_Simp

Gaz, Ghost, Price, Soap and Roach go on a mission to get intel, finds out the mission was a set up then Roach gets kidnapped and tortured before they find him and then Roach, Ghost and Soap cuddle before it turns into spice. :3

"Roach" by MorningGlory30

"I promise I'll come back in once piece." After the death of his father, Gary "Roach" Sanderson thought that he should join the military just like his dad. He never really gave it much thought and as a seven year old, it never meant much to him. As he grew older, he came to like the idea of joining the military--of doing something better for his country than just being another rugby player. He joined as soon as he graduated and had worked hard in the SAS to be picked for an elite group of soldiers. Serving under Captain John Price and Captain "Soap" MacTavish wasn't the easiest thing to do because of how high the expectations were but it was something that he could handle. Even in the toughest times, Roach knew he could make it out of any dangerous situation and keep the promise that he made to his older brother.

"Raindrops" by TheCalmCreature

Gary doesn't seem to be fine after a mission. Simon checks up on him. written for the prompt: "[GhostRoach] Maybe they tend to each others injuries after a mission or they just need to make sure the other is ok? a happy/comfort ending”

"FNG... or something..." by KairaKara101

Gary knew those dreams were something strange yet it filled an empty part of his soul. There was something off about him. A bad luck charm perhaps? Gary really wished he knew why he was always the FNG. This time... being the FNG sucked. But past (?) collides with present. Once an ODST always an ODST. And you know what those ODST always said? Are you prepared to drop? Feet first into hell, troopers.

"Thorns in my lungs, petals on my tongue" by MossTimeBaby

the Roach Hanahaki fic that I was desperate to read

"Roaches Can't Die" by pinboardscarecrow

Ghost and Roach are betrayed by General Shepard; shot and killed by their own leader. But moments later, Roach wakes up back in the forest outside Makarov's safe house. Can he change his and Ghost's fates?

"is it really better to have loved and lost?" by MossTimeBaby

When Ghost has to fake his death to go deep undercover, Roach is left behind to pick up the pieces of himself.

"Two Sides of The Same Coin" by Vityed

It was Gary's first Christmas with Task Force 141, seeing as he had only joined the team six months earlier. As such, he had no idea what to expect. He just hoped it would be a good time to get to know everyone. Everything was perfect and ready. A Christmas tree decorated with tinsel, baubles and twinkling lights, and topped with a shining star, and plenty of alcohol to go around. What could possibly go wrong?

"Dear to you" by vani_tas_talk

messy university roommates breakup AU, starts as Roach/Soap/Ghost, endgame Roach/König

"If We Crash (I Hope We Do)" by mintyiecat

Simon and Gary live, and fall into a steady sort of companionship. Gary starts wondering (dramatically) what they are exactly. “How do you do that?” Simon scowls. “Swear to God it always jams.” ‘Magic fingers,’ Gary signs, and wiggles his.

[markantonys]

Reading Lord of Chaos now and there's SO much good Gawene content. "Rare was the man who wanted to marry a woman who, with the Power, could handle him like a child if she chose." Well this man likes it!!

It feels weird to me that people hate him, because malewives are such an important part of the Wheel of Time world of gender relationships, and Gawyn is the Ultimate Malewife.

LOC was the book that first got me truly invested in gawyn and in gawene! and what a top-tier line that i'd forgotten!! rare is the man who wants to marry a woman who could handle him like a child but gawyn is over here going "mommy? sorry. mommy?" god bless him. he IS the Ultimate Malewife! he's crucial to the ecosystem!

it truly is baffling that he is the #1 Most Hated WOT Character. he doesn't do anything! at most i could see people finding him boring or annoying, but the level of hatred directed at him just makes no sense. most of the Reasons Why Gawyn Sucks posts i see are just people deliberately interpreting everything he does in the most uncharitable light possible, or hating him for things that they straight up made up and that did not happen in the text lmao

but also, getting briefly into a couple instances of Narrative Malpractice (to use @butterflydm's recently-coined phrase) re: gawyn later in the series. if i'm remembering correctly, you know most/all spoilers but this is your first time reading the series, so i'm putting a cut here to be safe - i don't mention any big spoilers though, just a few things that may not make total sense if you haven't read the book in question haha (mostly with TOM and point #2)

i feel like the biggest actual, not-made-up-by-haters issues are 1) gawyn was sooooo slowburned because his storyline can't move forward until egwene's does and hers can't move forward until the ta'veren boys' do and mat is busy getting walls dropped on him and fucking around in a circus for 4 books and killing the pacing, and so the ripple effect out from that makes it feel like gawyn is sitting around stewing in indecision for way longer than he actually is.

and 2) when sanderson took over, he brought with him a hell of a lot of real-world patriarchy-rooted assumptions of what it means to be a prince, and applied those to gawyn in a way that does not make sense since gawyn is a prince in a matriarchal society (or rather, in a country with matriarchal royal succession; culturally, andor is definitely not a full matriarchy despite what reddit believes). so he invented this whole arc of "gawyn needs to learn how to be a warder instead of a prince aka how to step out of the spotlight and live in a woman's shadow" but as the son of the reigning queen and brother & protector to the future queen, gawyn was literally raised from birth to be in a woman's shadow instead of holding the spotlight himself. this is not an issue for him. he literally swore the oath "my blood shed before hers, my life given before hers" as a toddler and was raised with that mentality, which translates pretty fuckin directly to being a warder and being in the shadow of a woman who's more important than him!

but sanderson assumes that a prince would struggle to play second fiddle to an aes sedai, because that would be the case for a prince raised in a patriarchal royal family. which is a shame because it leads to takes like "gawyn hates that egwene is more powerful than him" which is patently untrue for his original characterization, as you point to with this line straight out of RJ's mouth! (and even for his sanderson characterization it's patently untrue since the conclusion of that arc is that gawyn DOES happily step into egwene's shadow.) it's also a shame because that struggle between his identity & duty as a prince vs. as a warder could have been really interesting, but sanderson approached it from the wrong angle. alas!

in conclusion, the only things wrong with gawyn are things that are the authors' fault, but gawyn himself has done nothing wrong ever in his life <3 i have faith that the show can bring more people around to him! especially because galad will be there being so rancid in comparison as a show!whitecloak.

[sophieinwonderland]

what do you and ghost and other alters each like? as in hobbies and interests :o)

Can I tell you a secret? I'm actually the most boring tulpa ever. My primary interest is plural stuff. 🤫

Okay, maybe that's only partially true. See, I've always been fascinated with human psychology since before I became self-aware. I liked knowing what made people tick. I liked understanding the human brain.

And I feel like people don't fully appreciate how incredible it is that such an advanced piece of computing hardware came about through countless permutations of life beginning billions of years ago. Everything about our ability to think and feel emotions and perceive the world is incredible!

And we still don't understand it! We've learned to send people to the moon, we've seen 13 billions year into the past. We've discovered the building blocks of all matter, and found particles even smaller than those.

But we don't know how our brains work or what makes us tick.

So when I became self-aware and learned what I was, it was something new to marvel at. Because no one... really knew. Like, "multiple personalities" had been studied for about a hundred years exclusively in the context of trauma. But there hasn't been much effort to connect that to other similar phenomena like spiritual possession or other forms of voice hearing. And what research does exist is hard to track down.

So there are times when, as I joke above, I feel kind of bad because my primary interest is in plural psychology...

But at the same time, I feel like... how could it not be? How could I not discover my existence and then want to unravel its mysteries so I can understand myself and those like me better? When I realized that I had been thinking for myself for months even as I had been convinced I was imaginary... How could I not be amazed at this incredible potential of the human mind I discovered?

And it feels like we're on the cutting edge of understanding things most actual psychologists haven't really pieced together yet.

One of my favorite posts that I've written is the Manifestations post. And I mean, I think most of the information there was already in the community, albeit scattered. I think most systems knew headmates could exist in the inner world, they could switch, and they could be in a state where they're in the head but without any form. And the tulpamancy community at least knew imposition was a thing, and a lot of other plurals have described similar experiences. I don't think headmates being able to manifest in objects through Inhabitation is quite common knowledge yet. (And I had to coin Inhabitation myself.)

But even for those who knew of these experiences separately, I've never seen anyone put it together in a model like this, saying "here are these five distinct states headmates can be in while conscious."

And so that's a post I feel really proud of, for trying to codify experiences in ways that I think can make them easier to understand.

And I love expanding my understanding of plural psychology and developing new ways to think about it.

...

Anyway, Ghost likes superheroes, Star Wars, card games and stuff. Also Brandon Sanderson books.🤷‍♀️

(Abby is our local artist. But we're not that good at art so she doesn't do it very much, and the others don't really front all that much to develop their own hobbies.)

We have other interests too, but they tend to be more fleeting and on rotation rather being consistent.

...

Oh, and we're not alters. We don't use that word. And I don't really like it because of the association with "alternate personality." (Although nobody seems to be able to agree what alter actually means or where it came from.) It feels to me like it just sort of boils headmates down to what we look like to singlets. Personalities that takeover the body. And it erases the rich diversity of plural experiences.

[ltghosty]

Rapacious (Simon "Ghost" Riley ﾒ Female "Cobra" Sergeant)

A/N: After the blow up my previous one-shot, 'Violation', got, I can't thank you guys enough for the love and the feedback I've been getting. Thank you so much. <3

Summary: Ghost finds out that you've been sleeping with Roach just when he started to have feelings for you and confronts you

Warnings: strong language, angst

Wordcount: 8.3k (holy moly, somebody stop me, this is getting out of hand)

(Also I've been playing with the thought of writing Alejandro one-shots because that Vaquero is all over my feed again, not that I'm complaining tho)

Happy name day to me :)

”Well, someone has to be hurting at the end of the day, right?” Ghost tried to pull it off as a joke but his eyes betrayed him.

Gary "Roach" Sanderson was the only one who could get really close to you without having his head blown off. Which was an ironic thing compared to the first time you had met him two years ago. He and Ghost were the least sympathetic members of Task Force 141.

Ghost was cold and distant, barely acknowledging your existence. It didn’t take you a lot of time to put the pieces together that stood behind his actions. He was the type of person who’d rather push everyone away than build an honest relationship with anyone.

Not that you couldn’t understand his way of thinking. You were living a dangerous life where any mission could be your last one. It was both thrilling and scary. One minute you might have the upper hand with a smile on your face and then everything would fall apart if you were too late.

A lonely bullet penetrating to a certain part of your body that would drag you through hell before tearing your soul away from your body…

Not being careful enough and practically running into your death without the slightest suspicion in your head. You could be fine, then in the next second, pieces of your body – meat, blood, bones – would go out of curl on the ceiling and blemish the ground.

You always wondered how would you go out someday. Not that you desired to die, more the opposite, actually. But sometimes you couldn’t help but wonder what fate life was about to give you maybe tomorrow, a week from now, or when you would be fifty years old.

Roach wasn’t interested in his possible endgame. If there was someone who wasn’t afraid to use his head and voice at the same time, it was him. Roach was smart and an excellent fighter. He’d spend hours to days working out, pushing his own limits until he was barely able to stand on his own.

You wondered if his past has got to do anything with his compulsion to conform. Roach’s personality was raw and honest. Sometimes it caused an unpleasant conflict between the Brit and you because you weren’t used to talking to someone who was that complex and straight with everyone.

When he first met you, he told you that if he’d ever met you outside the base, not wearing the uniform but normal clothes, he’d have never guessed that behind the beautiful eyes and kind smile a determined and deadly soldier was hiding in plain sight.

You couldn’t explain why but you felt embarrassed by Roach’s statement which wasn’t an insult but still felt like one to you. You could spend hours overthinking and analyzing what Roach had told you and it would only spice you up even more.

From that point, you were working extra hard on missions to show him what kind of soldier you really were. Needless to say, Roach was impressed by your tactics each time you showed him something new. And that made you proud of yourself.

It was puzzling how annoying Roach could be but you knew he’d take a bullet for you without hesitation.

Before you realized it, you two were always around each other. After a lonely night that ended in cuddles, once you’d told him about your nightmare, you grew to like him.

The only time you weren’t that comfortable around him was if anyone could see you two being close to each other. Even if it was only an innocent hug or an arm over your shoulders.

Especially around Ghost.

He didn’t need to open his mouth to startle you. He was muscular and his eyes always pierced through your soul. It made you feel like he knew something you always wanted to keep hidden.

It was fascinating how much power Ghost was able to hold. Compared to you, he was a tower and he could slam you to the ground with one fast move.

You saw Ghost and Roach train once at the gym back at the base while Soap taught you a few new moves.

You had to stop in your movements when you saw Roach’s face. You’d never seen him fight with his fists, he usually fought his wars with guns and bombs on the field.  He looked completely different once he’d grown serious and stepped into the ring. He was shorter than Ghost but that didn’t make him back down.

That was when you knew things would get serious. Roach could be surprisingly fast and violent.

After long minutes of struggles, grunts, punches, and dodging, it looked like Roach had the upper hand but with one shift movement, Ghost tore Roach’s hand behind, grabbed his waist, and threw him to the ground.

You were so horrified by the weight of their punches that Soap had to reassure you about Roach’s well-being. ”They always train like that.”

After swallowing your worry, you couldn’t help but tease Roach about his defeat.

”It’s your fault that I lost,” Roach said with sparkling eyes. You couldn’t help but stare at his sweaty appearance.

The way his hair was wet but messy and his shirt tightened around his athletic torso. It was a sight you wished to see more often.

”Why?” You asked with a smile.

”Because he doesn’t want to admit that Lt. kicked his ass, so he tries to blame it on someone else,” Soap joined you two as he wiped his sweat down with a towel.

Roach’s eyes narrowed and he hit Soap’s stomach, earning a grunt from the Scot.

”Can’t help but stare at Cobra’s beauty whenever I can.”

You raised an eyebrow at his compliment, trying to brush your blush off.

”Even during training?”

Roach sighed and looked down at you. He found it extremely attractive when you wore leggings and a short-sleeved top that left your stomach uncovered.

”Especially during training,” Roach winked at you and butterflies started to awaken in your stomach.

Ghost however wasn’t keen on listening to Roach flirting with you. Not only because it wasn’t his business but also because his chest tightened at the thought of you liking Roach’s compliments.

He dragged his hand across his shoulders as he made his way toward the changing rooms, however, it was impossible for him to ignore you three since you were standing in the way.

”You are a sight for sore eyes, after all, Cobra.” Roach joked and you huffed then shook your head.

”Am I now?”

Roach tilted his head to the side, his wet hair falling into his eyes that never left you.

”You always were.”

You felt blood rush into your face as you bit into your lower lip. You didn’t handle compliments really well but you didn’t want Roach to think you weren’t grateful for his kind words.

It’s been a long time since you got a compliment. And it was usually from some random guy at a pub where you’d always go to chase your loneliness away after departing.

It was different to hear those words coming from someone whom you have known for years.

”Stop terrorizing her, Roach.” Ghost’s raspy voice caught your attention as he approached you.

Roach gave him a side look, ”It’s not terrorizing if she likes it.”

Ghost narrowed his eyes before they landed on you. You almost believed he needed an approvement of you that Roach was right which didn’t sit well with you at all.

You liked the attention Roach was giving you but you didn’t want to admit that to either Ghost or Soap.

You didn’t want to build a conflict between them. It almost seemed like Roach and Ghost had been friends for all of their lives.

”Don’t be so sure about that,” Ghost murmured and Roach crossed his arms.

”I’m pretty sure she would have kicked my ass already if she despised me.”

You started to pick on your fingernails the more nervous you became. Soap gave you a questioning look but all you did was shrug. You tried to ignore the tension that has cut through the air like a knife.

You dragged your eyes across the men standing around you like guardians, suddenly feeling small and exposed. You didn’t know what to say anymore.

That was when you noticed the blood that was drooling down on Ghost’s arm.

”Ghost, your arm.” Your eyes widened and everyone looked at the tall man examining his injury. Was Roach this hard on him during the fight?

When Ghost glanced down at you for a brief moment and saw the terror in your eyes, he only sniffed as if it was nothing.

”That’s not new, must have scratched it open.” Ghost said flatly and you sighed.

”I’m sorry, Ghost.” Roach flinched at the ripped scar, guilt filling his eyes.

Ghost took a deep breath and patted Roach’s back with his left hand, ”Don’t be sorry, Gary. I’d be angry if you would have gone too easy on me because of my scar.”

Roach gave him a short nod but he couldn’t hide the guilt that was darkening his eyes.

Ghost shook it off as if it was nothing and bumped his fist into Roach’s shoulder as he walked around you and left the gym.

”How bad do you think it is?” You asked as your eyes followed Ghost’s figure until it disappeared around the corner.

”You know Ghost,” Soap said. ”If his arm was torn off he’d still say he’s fine. I’m sure he’ll be all right.”

You almost smiled at the comedic relief Soap had given you. However, you couldn’t help but worry if he’d get an infection.

”I’ll go check on him, just to be sure,” you let them know and followed Ghost.

The changing room was empty and silent. You almost thought he wasn’t here anymore but suddenly, you heard a bit back grunt that you already were familiar with. Walking around the lockers, you saw Ghost sitting on a bench, wiping his blood off with a cloth that’s already turned crimson, losing its original color.

Of course, he heard your footsteps. That man could almost hear everything even during an explosion. His ears were as sharp as a bat’s.

He looked up and when he saw you, you could see the surprise that took over his eyes before he pushed his feelings away.

”Are you okay?” You asked, your voice small.

Ghost’s heart leaped at the vulnerability in your tone. He wouldn’t have thought that you’d ever be worried for him. Hence, you barely acknowledged his presence not only on the missions but also here at the base. He’d always thought that you hated him by the cold looks you were giving him.

And now here you were, leaving your audience behind, worried for him.

”I’ll live,” he cleared his throat.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek before letting out a shaky breath. Even when taking care of himself, you still found him intimidating.

”Mind if I take a look?”

He looked up at you in suspicion. ”Didn’t know you were a medic.”

You clicked your tongue as you shrugged. ”I always took care of my bruised knee when I was seven, so that should tell you something about my medical knowledge.”

Ghost scoffed to hide the laughter that tried to escape from him. He often found himself trying to be softer when you were around and he didn’t like how complicated you made him. He didn’t know how to act around the thoughts you awakened in him.

He guided you toward him and you swallowed before closing the distance between you two.

His eyes were glued to you the entire time as you took the last step and slowly knelt down in front of him. His closeness burnt your face like a burning iron and suddenly you were paralyzed.

If you weren’t afraid of him then why were you this nervous around him? Especially when you were alone with him?

You always tried to get away from situations where you’d be paired up with him because you didn’t want to disappoint him. There was a reason he has been a lieutenant for many years now and that also meant he was extremely trained and experienced.

Focusing on the blood that was trailing down his arm, you reached out and took it into your hands.

Meanwhile, Ghost couldn’t help but wonder how smart your hands were compared to his. It was almost like two different worlds were crossing each other’s borders. Your touch was soft which was something he hadn’t felt in years.

Even on your knees, Ghost was still hovering over you as you wiped the blood down to get a better look at on his opened scar. It didn’t look too bad but you didn’t want to believe he wasn’t in pain.

”Well, you won’t die, that’s for sure,” you said, breaking the silence.

Ghost almost smiled at your statement, ”You would be one hell of a doctor, Cobra.”

You looked up at him, feeling your cheeks warm up as his eyes bore into you.

”Chose the wrong career, I see.” You played along as you grabbed the bandage he already placed down next to him.

Starting to bandage his veiny arm, you still felt his gaze grazing over you.

”You ever thought of getting a normal job?”

You shrugged, ”Normal as in not killing other people and getting intel by torturing others?”

Ghost nodded.

”I wouldn’t want anything else,” you admitted. ”Without being in special forces, I might have ended up killing my neighbor a long time ago.”

Ghost was surprised to hear your dark humor crawling the surface.

”Are they that annoying?”

”And he hates women.”

”You are allowed to neutralize him then,” Ghost answered and you smiled.

The silence that fell on you two was no longer tense or sharp, it was comfortable and peaceful which was something you never experienced with Ghost before.

”You are a good sergeant, Cobra.” Ghost said, his voice quiet.

His words surprised you. You stole a glance from him, expecting to see smugness in his eyes to let you know that he was only joking but you found none of it.

Instead, you were faced with comfort.

”I’m everything but good, Lieutenant.” You said firmly and dropped your gaze. Only if he knew how much his words meant to you. You never found yourself good enough your entire life and hearing your lieutenant say this opened your heart in a way you would have never thought was possible.

”Why would you say that?”

You licked your lips, avoiding his eyes.

”Because I make mistakes quite often.”

”Like all of us.” Ghost replied.

You softly shook your head. ”Everyone but you.”

Ghost remained in silence as your words sunk in. You might have been right but you also didn’t know the amount of work and pain that made him want to be this excellent at his job. He learned the hard way how mistakes could affect someone’s life and all he wanted to do was never letting himself down ever again.

”Mistakes will help you learn.” Ghost said. ”I’ve seen what you can do, don’t you even think to underestimate yourself.”

”Yes, sir.” you nodded and Ghost’s chest warmed up a little.

He studied your peaceful face for a moment wondering if you were always this beautiful. He found himself daydreaming about how good it would feel to lay next to you and let your head rest on his heart. The heart that hasn’t been this alive for a long time.

His own thoughts were startling him because it’s been years since he had craved someone’s closeness this much. There was a time when you got shot during a mission and his heart was about to rip his chest into two, he didn’t know how much you had grown on him until he almost lost you. His thoughts were more than desperate when he helped you to exfil, little did you know that he wasn’t only reassuring you that he’d get you to safety but also himself.

And the worst thing was that he somehow, after all this time, caused you to always put distance between the two of you which saddened him each time he saw you turn away from him.

”What is it with Roach nowadays?” Ghost asked and you blinked.

”What do you mean?”

Ghost tried to ignore the solid pain in his chest as he remembered how flirtatious Roach has become around you. He also wished he could give voice to his thoughts as much as Roach could, maybe then you wouldn’t try to run away from him.

”He follows you everywhere like a fucking puppy,” he explained and you let yourself smile a little. ”And he doesn’t seem to be able to shut up anytime soon.”

”We got to know each other a little better lately,” you said, focusing on the bandage.

Ghost’s shoulders tensed as your words played over and over in his head like an alarm.

”Are you two together or something?” he asked, hoping your answer would be no. He wouldn’t know what to do or how to react if he’d find out that you’d been with his best friend all along.

You jerked up, your hands freezing around Ghost’s arm. When you looked up at him and saw how intense his eyes were while waiting for your answer. You knew any kind of relationship would have consequences within the team.

You shouldn’t tell him that you once imagined how your life would change if there was something more between you and Roach. You didn’t need to hear the speech that had been burnt into your brain on day one when you joined Task Force 141.

”No, of course not,” your eyes bored into his as you tried to sound confident.

Something flashed through Ghost’s eyes like a rumble of thunder but disappeared quickly.

Finishing his bandage, you tightened your fingers around his arm, just to make sure it was in its place. Putting the rest of it away, you stood up and were ready to leave.

”Just change it before you go to sleep,” you said. ”If you need help, you know where I’ll be.”

As you stood up, getting the higher ground physically, Ghost’s good arm reached out and grabbed your wrist before you could step away from him.

The breath caught in your throat as you felt his fingers caging your wrist. You thought you angered him with something but when you gave him a questioning look, he only looked back at you with softness.

”Thank you, Cobra.” His words shook you to the core and your mouth went dry. You didn’t know why but his words had more effect on you than they should have. And you didn’t know what to do with that realization.

”It’s nothing.” You shrugged and pulled your hand out of his grasp. You didn’t dare look at him again, so you quickly turned on your wheel and walked out like a teenage girl who did something embarrassing and wanted to get away from the attention she was getting.

----

Only Ghost didn’t find you in your room later that night.

He had some struggles, trying to change his bandage, mostly because his left hand automatically stopped once pain shocked through his right lower arm and he knew he needed another hand.

He was confused because he specifically remembered that you told him you would help him change his bandage. He knew that you never left your room past nine p.m., he usually took long walks during the night once he had woken up and he had never seen you outside of your room this late.

Your absence was alerting Ghost and at first, he thought that something was wrong. When he walked down the hallway, he met Gaz who was just about to head to the showers, and asked him if he saw you.

Gaz told him that you were out with Soap and Roach which made Ghost sad, just a little bit. He didn’t want to disturb your fun time, so he headed back to his room and closed himself away from the others.

What he didn’t know was that you never returned to your room. You went to Roach’s room which was on the other side of the building. Roach made you sure that he’d be there for you if you’d have another nightmare which was more than enough for you to agree and follow him to his room.

Spending the night with a handsome man who also knew his way around women? Who would say no to that?

For a brief moment, Ghost’s intense eyes crossed your mind as you were walking next to Roach, almost stopping you in your tracks.

You couldn’t tell anyone about your little visit because you might be transferred to another unit which was the last thing you wanted to happen.

Roach didn’t waste any time undressing you after closing his door and you were more than happy to return the favor. You couldn’t keep your hands off him the entire night, especially when your bodies melted into one, breathing each other’s names in the air.

Roach was surprisingly good at sex. He knew how to please a woman and he never once missed a chance to prove that to you during that night.

His lips left invisible marks and his hands were careful but confident on you. Especially after admitting to the fact that he has been dreaming of this moment for months now.

You were in euphoria after a few hours, you also were exhausted but wanted to keep going, enjoying the way Roach has made you feel both with his body and his words.

It was only a one-time thing. At least, you made a promise to yourself about that. You were already trading on thin ice when you went to his room since anyone could have seen you. You even were disappointed in yourself that you put your job on the line.

Until Roach made you change your mind. And remembering how incredible he was in bed made you miss the way his hands felt on you.

Soon, it became more than a one-time thing. You weren’t in a relationship and Roach let you know that he’d never try to convince you to start one with him and in the end, both of you had agreed to sleep with each other from time to time.

At first, it was hard to keep as a secret, especially during missions when Roach would stare at you shamelessly and would wink at you or touch you when no one saw it. But now that it’s been about a month, you became quite the expert at keeping it a secret.

Ghost seemed to be more open and trusting with you since you followed him to the changing room and helped him change his bandage which made you feel less stressed in his presence. He definitely didn’t forget how you opened up to him and admitted to your doubts.

The more he’d say reassuring or encouraging things to you, the less you’d tried to avoid him. And now, you didn’t even have a problem with being paired up with him once in a while.

He’d always make sure that you were behind him and would teach you guerrilla tactics while cleaning the houses and engaging with terrorists.

You liked how Ghost seemed to let his guard down around you. It meant a lot to you that he trusted you more each day. You liked it so much that you started to wonder why were you always avoiding his presence in the first place. Maybe because he was the lieutenant and he could kill anyone with one move.

Yes, that part was pretty scary, you had to admit that to yourself.

Once your time was up and there were only days that isolated you from going home for a while, you didn’t go to Roach’s room that much. At first, it was weird but when you reminded yourself that anyone could see you because the others had too much time on their hands getting their things packed, you knew it was the right thing to do.

However, you were happy to join the others when they decided to go out to Soap’s favorite bar. You didn’t wear anything special other than jeans and a hoodie but Roach’s eyes still found you every once in a while.

While tracing your fingers over the edge of your glass, you focused on Soap who was telling stories about the old times before you joined the team.

”And then the next second I was bleeding out on the streets of Las Almas while Lt. had already occupied the church and kept himself warm,” Soap said and you giggled. ”He was probably laughing at my misery the whole time.”

”So, he just left you like that?” you asked with amusement.

Soap nodded and gave Ghost a side glance who was sitting next to him, still as a rock. ”He really meant it when he said he is used to working alone.”

Ghost blinked before grunting in his seat. You watched in silence as his mask moved a little with the change of his expression. ”One dead man is better than two.”

You almost laughed but when Ghost’s eyes landed on you, you tried to hide it with a cough and took a sip from your drink.

”You are heartless, Ghost.” You said with a smile and Ghost studied your face for a moment.

”I’d argue with that.”

The way he searched for your eyes made you feel exposed and touched at the same time. If there was anything you were sure about, it was the fact that Ghost was everything but heartless… Especially with you lately.

You wondered if you’d get injured and were forced to flee, would he do the same as he did to Soap back then in Las Almas? Running away and not even looking back?

For some reason, you couldn’t imagine Ghost leaving you behind.

It wouldn’t fit with the image you have built up about him over the past few weeks. The amount of time he spent making you feel involved and teaching you new useful things proved otherwise.

Perhaps, you might have grown on him a little bit.

”Simon might have grown a heart this time,” Roach grinned and downed his drink.

Ghost didn’t like the fact that his people were teasing him about his feelings but if he would have denied it then he would have made you feel like you meant nothing to him.

Simon didn’t want to admit to the fact but deep down he knew that you meant more to him than he would have expected it. The first time he met you, he thought of you like another sergeant.

But you weren’t just a sergeant anymore.

He didn’t know how to explain it but he slowly got attached to you and he didn’t know how to act on those feelings. That was why he decided to teach you new things so that he could spend more time with you and would get to know you better.

Little did you know that he remembered every little thing you mentioned to him. You might have thought that he didn’t even hear you complaining about the scope cracking on your machine gun, but he made sure you could aim perfectly, handing you the other gun that he didn’t use.

”And get this, Cobra…” Soap spoke again, pulling Ghost out of his thoughts. ”He tried to distract me and keep me alive by telling me jokes.”

You couldn’t hold your laughter back this time. And Ghost liked the sound of your genuine, happy laughter, it didn’t even bother him that you were laughing at him.

”You know jokes, Ghost?” you asked, still smiling.

He stared at your beautiful smile before his eyes found yours. ”Some. I bet you wouldn’t find them funny, army humor is a little bit dark.”

”Try me.” You rested your head on your palm, your eyes fixing on him.

Ghost found himself fidgeting under the table as you were staring at him. He would have preferred to have your undivided attention in private.

”All right…” he shifted in his seat, his gaze meeting the table. ”Why did the man miss the funeral?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, not finding the right answer to his question.

”I don’t know. Why?”

”Because he wasn’t a mourning person.”

You let out a forced breath and you traced your fingers over your cheeks.

”That’s bad.” Roach said but with a smile.

Ghost looked at Roach and narrowed his eyes. ”Yes? Do you know where you’ll go after getting lost in a minefield, Sanderson?”

Roach pressed his lips together, a frown taking over his face, ”Tell me.”

”Everywhere.”

You laughed as Roach’s expression dropped while Ghost kept his eyes on him. Roach leaned back and gave you a questioning look.

”You think this is funny?”

”I think it’s hilarious.” You said, still smiling.

Ghost almost smiled at you praising his joke about Roach. Maybe he wasn’t such a stoic person after all.

”I thought we were best friends and now you’re laughing at my death?” Roach asked and touched his chest.

”I’d miss you a little.” You answered.

Roach tilted his head to the side. ”I thought I was important to you after everything that happened. I guess I was wrong.”

”Of course, you are.” You reassured him and leaned your head on his shoulders. ”But you still annoy the hell out of me.”

Soap and Gaz shared a brief laugh at your answer while Ghost tensed in his seat.

If it was anyone else, they wouldn’t have noticed the way Roach glanced down at you as you were this close to him. They wouldn’t have thought that Roach’s after everything might have had a double meaning.

And they definitely wouldn’t have noticed the dog tags falling forward what hung on your neck after you shifted.

He might have been paranoid, people with feelings could get paranoid and he might have overthought that.

Only, they weren't your dog tags.

They were Gary’s.

Ghost needed to look twice at the name carved into the metals before he felt the blood turn into ice in his veins. His stomach turned at the physical closeness you two were having at the table, not even daring to think about what else has happened between you two.

When you turned forward and were faced with Ghost’s cold eyes, you felt your heart skip a beat. You had never seen this storm raging in Simon’s eyes and you wished you could disappear into nothingness.

His eyes landed on the dog tags again and when you looked down, you realized that he knew. He didn’t need to see you two sneaking around at night or to hear you and Roach flirting with each other.

But he knew.

And you felt guilt starting to eat your heart at the disappointed look he was giving you.

You didn’t know why but sadness lightened its way through his eyes, causing you to drop your shoulders.

”And guess what…”

Whatever Soap was about to say was interrupted by Ghost’s sudden movement as he pushed himself away from the table and stormed out of the place without a word.

You felt your heart in your throat and could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you watched him walk out of the bar.

”What happened?” Gaz asked, thinking he missed something despite sitting with you and paying attention.

Soap glanced around and shrugged.

You weren’t so sure about his sudden leave either but you had a feeling that it got to do something with you, even though you hoped that wasn’t the case.

”I’ll be right back.”

Roach gave you a questioning look but didn’t stop you from following Ghost. Trying to fight your nerves and ignore the way your stomach kept doing loops, you stepped out into the chilly evening.

You crossed your arms over your chest as the cold hit you like a truck.

Ghost was not that far from you, it seemed like he was immune to the cold. Or at least that was what you guessed by taking his sight in.

His balaclava was rolled up so that he could place a cigarette between his lips. You watched him in silence as he lit his cigarette and placed the lighter into his back pocket.

”I thought you didn’t smoke.” You spoke quietly as he breathed the smoke out.

He didn’t turn around but took note of your presence. When he decided not to face you, that’s when you knew that something was off.

”You thought wrong.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and glanced around the empty parking lot.

”That thing can kill you,” you continued as he fixed his gaze in the distance.

”Either this or a bullet, we’ll die from something eventually,” he remarked, his voice sharp.

His words took over your thoughts, forcing yours into a corner at the back of your mind. It always amazed you how much his voice could get your attention, didn’t matter how much you tried to ignore it.

”What’s going on, Ghost?” You asked, trying to fight the cold that was slowly tearing at your skin. You should have grabbed your jacket.

It took him forever to finally answer, ”Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

You knew he was lying but you didn’t know if it was a good idea to call him out and let him know that you saw through his attempt.

”Figured,” you murmured, turning away.

Ghost finally gave in to his temptation and his eyes found you when you were staring at the cars around you. He took your small figure in, wondering how a fragile woman like you could end up being an excellent sergeant.

The more he would be worried for you on missions, the more he’d panic about whether it was a good idea for him to let himself have feelings for you. And he didn’t like losing control over his emotions.

He didn’t want to like you at all but you somehow broke through the walls he had built around himself and then suddenly, you were already inside his head, consuming his thoughts and dignity.

Just when he decided to fight against you, he was about to let you into his heart willingly.

And that was when his world crashed.

”Figured what?” Ghost asked.

You sniffed, still avoiding his gaze even though it burnt your skin like fire.

”That you’d do that. Shut down, again.” You couldn’t help but feel anger fill your voice and he noticed that too.

Here you were, trying to be there for him and ask if you were the reason for his disappointment but he didn’t want to talk with you.

”If you paid attention, Cobra, that’s not a fucking surprising thing from me,” he snapped and lifted the cigarette to his lips.

”I thought we were past this,” you said with a head shake. ”And now we are back to square one.”

He glared at you, ”Tell me about it. You can’t even look at me.”

His words pushed through you like a tsunami and almost washed your anger away, leaving nothing but doubts and questions behind.

Did he know how much you tried to avoid him in the beginning? That’s what he meant by that?

”What do you want from me?” You asked, meeting his eyes. ”I came here to see if you were okay and now you have the nerve to play the victim card and turn it all back on me?”

Ghost weighed your words as you shivered after the wind touched your exposed skin. He looked down at your shaking figure, noticing how much you tried to ignore the cold even though it cut through your flesh, until your bones.

Putting the cigarette between his lips, he unzipped his jacket and stepped closer to you.

When you realized what he was about to do, you pressed your lips together and stepped back, earning a questioning look from him.

”Don’t.” You gritted your teeth as you felt your hands turn ice cold, your fingers desperately pressing into your arms.

Soon, his eyes grew almost sad as you refused his jacket. He couldn’t stand the thought of you being cold and not wanting to accept his help.

How did we get here?

”Cobra.”

To your surprise his voice wasn’t angry or demanding as you had expected it to be, your callsign falling off his lips was more of a silent plea just above the wind and it tightened your heart.

You dropped your gaze to the ground, trying to collect your thoughts as he stepped in front of you and placed his jacket around your shoulders.

You couldn’t help but move your arms through the sleeves and Ghost carefully zipped it up so that you’d be protected from the cold.

His jacket was much bigger than you, as you expected it but as long as it kept you warm, you didn’t care how ridiculous you must have looked in Ghost’s oversized clothing. As Ghost’s scent filled your nose, you tried to shake it off how much you liked to wear his jacket.

Ghost, on the other hand, admired the view you were giving him by wearing his jacket. Yes, your arms basically disappeared in the sleeves and the jacket reached the middle of your thighs but he found it cute how small you were compared to his massive figure.

He almost started to wonder how adorable it would look if you would compare your hands to each other’s. Not even mentioning holding your hand while…

He quickly shook his pathetic thoughts out of his head as he reminded himself of the discovery he has just made. It didn’t matter how much he’d try to calm himself, the thought of you being with Roach caused pain throbbing through his heart.

He would take physical pain any time over the pain you just gave him without a single touch.

And you had no idea how much power you were able to hold over his head with a simple smile.

Just when everything was about to fall back to its place, you pulled a card he never would have thought was in your hands.

”What is it with you and Roach?” He suddenly asked, still standing in front of you.

You felt your eyes widen for a second as you looked up at him. The way his eyes held your stare like a cage made you realize that things might have been more complicated than you ever would have imagined them to be.

”Nothing.” You tried to brush off your nervousness but Ghost wasn’t buying it.

In fact, he looked disappointed that you weren’t honest with him.

After all this time, he was always honest and open with you, even vulnerable but when you couldn’t return the favor, it hurt his feelings. More than he wanted to admit.

Finishing his cigarette, he simply shook his head and threw it to the ground.

”Who’s shutting down now?” He asked and stepped on the smoking butt.

Your throat was dry as if you’d been in the desert for days now as Ghost’s presence kept you at bay.

”I don’t think it’s any of your business,” you said quietly, suddenly not finding any courage to continue this confrontation.

You shouldn’t have come here.

”If you are fucking my best friend then I think it’s pretty much my fucking business, Cobra.” Ghost answered coldly and you almost flinched at the aggression hiding in his voice like a shadow.

”It’s nothing serious, don’t be dramatic,” you held your ground and he tilted his head to the side, pulling his balaclava down on his jaw.

”You are wearing his fucking dog tags.” Ghost remarked and you froze in your place. ”And you call that nothing?”

You didn’t want to admit anything but the more Ghost brought things you buried away to the surface, the more you felt that you had no choice but to play his game.

”I don’t think I ask for too much when I tell you I want you to be completely honest with me,” Ghost continued, his voice quiet this time, after realizing how much his anger startled you.

He was right. The least thing you could do after everything was be honest with him. This conversation wouldn’t have a happy ending either way, so why try and make it worse by lying and denying things that were as obvious as undeniable intels?

”We get together sometimes,” you admitted, tearing your gaze away from him.

And with that sentence, you broke Ghost’s heart and you didn’t even notice it.

”Are you with him?” His voice was defeated.

The thought of losing you without even having you first hung above his head like the day of doom.

Licking your lips and tapping your foot against the ground, you tried your best to fight the urge of running back inside.

”No.”

He let out a deep breath and stepped closer to you, making it impossible for you to look anywhere else but at him.

”Cobra.”

You looked up at him firmly, ”I said no. It’s just a fling without emotions. Nothing serious. It doesn’t affect Roach’s partnership with me if that’s what you’re worried about.”

”That’s the last thing I’m worried about,” he admitted and stepped back.

You watched him as he backed away to the closest car behind him and sat down on the hood. His eyes studied the bar and the flickering lights while you stood still in your place.

You thought of Roach as a good friend but that had nothing to do with anything. How could you be intimate with someone who wasn’t close to you emotionally anyway?

You, personally, couldn’t sleep with someone who was a complete stranger to you or had no respect for you.

”Then what’s the matter?”

Ghost put his hand on his thigh as he distanced himself from you. Seeing the storm in his eyes, you tried to pull yourself together.

”I was about to take you to England with me.” Ghost’s eyes fell on you like clouds. ”I remember you mentioned once that you always wanted to go there.”

You felt the color drain from your face as his words floated around you in the air like a hurricane. And Ghost didn’t miss an inch that shifted in your face.

You remembered how once, while you were in the helicopter, you were talking with Soap about the furthest place you both had been away from your home.

You didn’t even know that Ghost heard you admitting to the fact that you always wanted to visit England ever since you were a kid.

And that was when you realized the real reason why Ghost stormed out of the bar all of a sudden. Between him being more open with you and now letting you know that he was ready to take you with him, showing you his home, you didn’t know how you missed the signs he was giving you and also the way he grew tense whenever Roach was around you.

Everything made sense now.

The glares to Roach. The softness in his voice whenever it was just the two of you. How protective he was over you when you were paired up with him…

Everything.

You were enjoying Roach’s physical attention so much that you missed the way Ghost’s attitude and body language changed around you.

How could you be so blind? You almost slapped yourself with the absurdity of yours.

”I…I didn’t know…” your voice silenced and Ghost sighed.

”It doesn’t matter.”

The guilt once again found its way through your veins like venom hearing the sadness in Ghost’s voice.

You hated to be the reason for his sadness.

”I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, Simon.” You admitted shamefully because it was true.

Ghost felt melancholic at you calling him his real name. It’s been so long, he started to wonder if you forgot his real name. Over the last month, you always called him Ghost and it disappointed him every time.

It felt ironic how he always thought that he wouldn’t be capable of caring for someone other than himself. Then Roach and Soap came and treated him like another human being which made him puzzled at first. Then he let himself be Simon again.

Then you came and you took over his heart which he didn’t mind at all.

He wanted to reassure you that you could never hurt his feelings, not even if you tried but that would have been a lie.

And Simon Riley despised lies.

”Well, someone has to be hurting at the end of the day, right?” Ghost tried to pull it off as a joke but his eyes betrayed him.

You bit into your lower lip and made your way over to him. He watched you in silence as you stopped between his spread legs, not caring about the closeness of your bodies.

God, how much he’d been dreaming about the moment when you’d willingly come close to him and give yourself to him. He has been alone for so long that he was almost desperate for you.

But this wasn’t a fairy tale and happy endings didn’t exist in your world.

You didn’t know what to say, so you leaned closer to him, your heart dropping.

When Ghost breathed your name, your real name, into the air between you, you felt shivers run down your spine. And not from the cold this time.

That was when you realized that whatever you had going on with Roach could ever only be a temporary thing because he didn’t look at you the way Simon was.

Yes, Gary found you attractive and couldn’t stop flirting with you but his stare was always full of lust and not something more meaningful.

While Gary was about to shake your world with his touch, Simon was ready to make you feel loved with everything he had in him.

That was the difference between someone who was shown love and someone who only got a glimpse of it his entire life.

Keeping his stare like your life depended on it, you carefully rolled his balaclava up until his lips were uncovered.

Ghost held his breath back as you closed the distance and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. It was a silent way of making up for the pain you caused him unintentionally.

Something changed in you as you felt his skin on yours, his stubble scratching your mouth.

Ghost’s skin was burning where your lips touched him, and all of his worries washed away in a second.

”Don’t play with me, Cobra.” Ghost’s voice shook you like an unstoppable storm.

”I was never good at games, Lt.” You admitted and were about to step back but his hands were fast to grab your waist and pull you back to him.

Your face was burning as he shamelessly roamed his eyes over you, his pupils getting bigger like a cat that’s found its new favorite toy.

”Is that so?” Ghost hummed and raised his hand to wipe your hair out of your face.

When his fingertips brushed over your temple, you swallowed hard.

”Do you have any idea how much you played me all this time?” Ghost’s eyes were both sad but playful at the same time.

You pressed your lips together as he kept you close to him. It made you feel like he wanted to know you close to him not only by words but also physically.

”I didn’t mean to.”

Ghost’s gaze softened as he caressed his fingers on your arms.

”Do you have feelings for him?” He didn’t need to say Gary’s name out loud. It floated between you like the wind.

”Why are you asking?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

He gave you an exhausted look, ”I know how the ’we’ll only sleep with each other without the feelings’ shit works. I might be older than you but I’m not stupid, Cobra.”

You sighed and dropped your gaze to his chest, suddenly having the urge to hide your face there.

You started to wonder if he himself had had something going on with someone that eventually turned into more. Fighting your jealousy, you lingered your gaze where his heart must have been.

Ghost’s hand found your jaw and carefully lifted it, his eyes curious but also calm, waiting for you to return his gaze.

”Don’t lie to me. I’ve had enough of that shit.” He asked softly.

”I don’t want a relationship with him if that’s what you’re asking.” You said firmly. It was true but deep down you were slightly afraid that Roach might have had a change of heart on this road he took you down on.

You hoped he didn’t. You didn’t want to hurt him either.

”Had he ever taken you to England?”

This question broke the ice and you let out a bright laugh which was music to Ghost’s ears.

”No.”

”Is he planning to?”

You tried to wipe the smile off your face but you didn’t succeed. Not that Simon minded that. More like the opposite.

”I don’t know,” you teased him and he took a sharp breath in.

”He better not or I’ll kill him in his sleep.”

Your eyes widened and you pushed at his shoulders but they didn’t move an inch.

”You’ve really got some dark humor, Lt.”

”Does that disturb you?”

You let yourself sink into your thoughts as his fingers traced circles on you.

”I’ll get used to it.”

”Will you?” He asked, surprised that you were talking about the future with him in it so confidently.

”I mean…” you shrugged. ”If you want me to.”

The look you were giving him was worth all the pain he has been in because he knew that you meant every word you said. Some of them were better left unsaid but deep down he knew everything.

”There is nothing I would love more.”

Your heart warmed just when he leaned down to you and pressed his lips to yours, sealing his promise with a kiss that was only meant to be yours.

[marvelousmagicalaura]

I liked Warbreaker more than I originally expected. Each arc started slow, but it pulled together after certain points. For Siri, it was when Susebron was revealed to have no tongue. For Vivenna, it was when Parlin died. Lightsong's arc was always fantastic, even though it started slow. His personality, arc, relationships, intrigue, and twists made him my favorite character in this book.

I wish Vivenna and Vasher's POVs had slightly faster pacing and more insight into their headspaces. Especially Vasher. But I think Brandon did a great job getting the ball rolling once they intersected. Their arcs had me emotionally invested by the end. Nightblood is there for terrifying but adorable comic relief, so that's fun.

Siri and Susebron. Great characters, loved their arcs, and their relationship is so lovely. If I could praise Sanderson for one thing, he knows how to write bonds and character progression.

Blushweaver and Llariimar are lovely side characters. RIP Blushweaver, who was a prick that one time but I loved her desire to protect Hallandren. RIP Treledees, even though you were a butthole. Tonk Fah was funny and Jewels was interesting. But I wanted to spend more time with them, especially Jewels. I'm confident Clod is the animated corpse of Arsteel.

I’m mixed about the ending. The revelations, twists, and dynamics coming together were fantastic! As always, the sanderlanche slaps. But I think Brandon should have extended the aftermath by a chapter or two. So we get a proper goodbye to Siri and Susebron, and see how Llarimar is doing. I'm sure the murder of priests and one Returned, the betrayal of scribes, a God King that speaks, and the release of Kalad's Phantoms would impact whatever Hallandren becomes.

Lightsong should especially be significant in the aftermath IMO. He gave up his Breath to create something unseen among God Kings - one with a tongue. That is very significant for the world.

Peacegiver is so much of a god that the God King calls him "lord," and he meets that lord. The core characters certainly wouldn't reveal Vasher's significance to the public. But I think they, and possibly Llarimar, should come together to discuss his past IMO. Vasher is both Kalad AND Peacegiver. The one who transformed the jungle and mountains in two major ways that have persisted for centuries. I am shocked Sanderson just… moved on from that. I've never had that impression from his endings so far, not even for Elantris.

I wanted to see the Phantoms fry the Lifeless. I needed to see Siri and Vivenna saying goodbye, Siri and Susebron processing what just happened to Hallandren, or Llarimar processing his brother's death and reason for Returning. I would give this book 4/5 stars. The ending was rushed. Most of the characters and arcs could have used more meat. The pacing could have been better. I still like it a lot. But I think everything about Nightblood, Awakening, the intrigue of Vasher and Denth, and the Returned kept me sticking around. But I'm sure that's because I read all of Mistborn before this. I don't know how it would hold up as someone's introduction to the Cosmere, or something read right after the Mistborn Trilogy.

[thatinsufferablenerd]

Post Spooky Update

The weather is slowly cooling off here finally. Spooky Season is over and another year has gone by without reading any scary books or movies like I say I’m gonna do every year. I’ve been enjoying all the festive content in my different social media feeds instead. Horror book recs from BookTube, video essays that analyze aspects of the horror genre, discussions of films or anime that set the mood. I probably should be more embarrassed of how much YouTube I watch, but seeing as I’m a housewife with a passion for learning and too many interests to succinctly sum up, I’m not going to lose too much sleep over it. 

I wish I did have some mood appropriate reads to tell you about. I love books, I love storytelling, I love getting lost in a good book, but my ability to actually get into–let alone through–books has atrophied so much I’ve concluded it’s a Me ProblemTM. When I was young, in elementary and middle school, I could read a book a day. I DID for a long time, exchanging the one I just finished for something new during lunch. And then I got older. I got into movies and writing, I had a job, then I had longer hours, then I had kids that I stayed home with. The library was too far to walk to, we didn’t have money to buy books, and I was too tired to read them anyway. It was easier to focus on honing my craft of writing because it was simpler to hit the backspace button when a toddler smacked my keyboard than risk a library book.

And I regret that. The act of consuming story and pure, distilled joy I get from them is a core part of who I am. If I didn’t love reading, I would never have developed a love for writing. If I didn’t love the stories and characters I read in books, I would never have discovered the love I have for analyzing and discussing them. I would never have learned about the relationship between literature and culture, that I love learning about historical context, the art of interpretation, or linguistics, things like that. Ever since I stopped reading piles of books or trade paperbacks of comics from the library, I’ve said to myself every few months “I miss reading”, “I want to get back into reading”. 

It’s not like I haven’t read anything since I was nineteen. Of course I have. I read all five books in the A Song of Ice and Fire series in the span of a year. I read monthly releases of DC comics for years, picked up pulpy romance novels ‘just as a palate cleanser!’, I tried starting book clubs with friends, promises of ‘I won’t buy or borrow any books until I read the ones I have’. And then I’d get through a few chapters of whatever I picked up only to put it down for the last time. I’ve made some progress! I read A Song of Achilles and Circe by Madelline Miller, Skyward by Brandon Sanderson, I accidentally read the sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter? In the last year. And I’ve gotten further in a lot of the books I’ve picked up than before. I’ve been reading manga more than anything the last few years. My Hero Academia, Spy x Family, My Dress-up Darling, Dungeon Meshi, Demon Slayer, One Piece, all stories I’ve enjoyed and have a lot to say about! I re-read the last six volumes of Demon Slayer a few weeks ago and wrote an entire comment section dissertation about it, the latest installment in a series that serves as the quiet void I shout into.

The first step for me was probably accepting that I’m never going to be able to read like I did in middle school. That’s okay, right? I might not have a JOB, but I am a grown-up with grown-up things to do. And it’s not like I’ve been sitting on my ass the whole time. I’ve learned so much, like how to actually form opinions, how to interpret text, how to analyze properly, how to do research, how to really write, among so many other things. Things I had to teach myself. I know, they say ‘the best writers are also prolific readers’. I believe that, I really do. I would never claim that I’m some genius writer and better than people who have gone to school for this or are so well-read that it improves their prose by default. What I am saying is that…I want to get there. I miss reading. 

So, I set a small goal for myself. There are so many books out there that I want to read. And sure, my little local library has a limited catalog, and Libby has at least two weeks’ waits on everything, and I can’t afford to buy books brand new, but we can only work with what we have, not what we don’t. I’ve decided to read one contemporary book, one classic, and one (ish) manga a month. Sure, there are going to be some blurred lines here, but I think we’re all mature enough to handle that. I’m going to define ‘classics’ as anything more than a century old. Slaughterhouse Five is newer than that but it is taught as a classic and on my TBR, so maybe it will count as a classic for that month. Who knows? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And if the manga is long, say, more than three hundred chapters, then I might split it into two months. 

With that being said, my picks for November are: A Hero of France by Alan Furst, Tolkien’s translation of Beowulf, and for the manga, Bleach.

My local library had a book sale recently. I bought a hundred and thirty books for eighty-five dollars in two trips. Not all of them are novels! I’m very proud of the memoirs and other non-fiction books I got. But that should keep me occupied for a good while yet. Not to mention the books I already have. That Furst novel is one of the ones I picked up last year at the book sale. It’s historical fiction about an agent in the French Resistance. I like historical fiction, I think it’s a versatile genre for both readers and writers. I read about half of a book called Lion’s Blood that was alternate US History last year that I’m gonna have to go back to because I STILL think about it. Anyway, that Furst novel. I’m about halfway through and I’m going to finish it. I’m invested enough to see it through, and I’m enjoying the experience. When I finish it and have had some time to collect my thoughts, you’ll be hearing them. 

While at that book sale, my almost nine-year-old became infatuated with a book. He liked the cover and title so much that he wanted me to buy it for him. I told him, “Buddy, this book would be a tough read for a grown-up.” He said he would figure it out, that he would ask for help when he needed it. The book was a dollar, so I bought it. I can’t say I’ve ever read Clive Cussler, but if I can help him understand it, I can be persuaded to read dry historical fiction. I know enough about WWII to explain what’s going on to him. It’s not on my list to get done by the end of November, but it is a high priority read. 

I picked Beowulf (and this translation) specifically because A) I know how influential Beowulf is on western storytelling, B) I’m a fan of Tolkien as a writer as well as his love of and gift for languages, C) I watched Monstrum’s episode on Grendel’s Mother and the Cardinal West YouTube documentary on Tolkien in the last few months, both of which I enjoyed a lot, and finally D) I’m a fan of Dr. Chase from The Best of Fantasy. My friend was kind enough to surprise me with a shiny new copy. It’s probably going to be a difficult read for me. I plan on taking notes and going slow to really digest it. I’m also trying to talk my mom into a buddy read, but we’ll see how the cookie actually crumbles with that one. 

Now, for how I landed on Bleach. I watched the entirety of Naruto and Shippuden (yes, even the filler) back in 2020, 2021, and then binged One Piece in 2023 into the early part of this year. So, of course, the insufferable nerd in me said ‘I want to be able to say I’ve seen the Big Three’. So I watched the anime. I wasn’t that impressed with it. Yes, certain characters stayed in my brain, yes I LOVE the Thousand Year Blood War (I’m currently behind), but it didn’t really hit me like Naruto and One Piece did. I thought the passion of the fandom might get me more into it. I tried art, lore videos, discussion, analysis, and that did help! But Bleach just…kinda fell by the wayside for me. A lot of fans say the anime isn’t as good as the manga, but it’s a long series. I didn’t have the time or energy to commit, especially when I had other series I was actually into to follow. I do follow One Piece, Spy x Family, and My Dress-up Darling on release. I followed MHA for more than three years week to week, only binging the last hundred or so chapters last month after its conclusion. 

And then AJ dropped his video titled ‘The Hollow Melancholy of Bleach’. It brings up some of the feelings I had watching the Fullbringer Arc and the Thousand Year Blood War and expresses something the anime just…didn’t capture for me. But that video and Geoff Thew from Mother’s Basement’s video on Bleach finally sold me. It took me a couple weeks, according to the notes I’ve been taking I started on October fourteenth. 

The manga is fantastic. I tried for thirty chapters a day and haven’t been as consistent as I’d like, but I’m in the two-sixties now. The art is beautiful, the character writing is great, the fights are intense, the vibes immaculate and the emotions are SO deep, so complex and resonant. I am so glad I jumped in, and I’m going to continue to take notes as I go. 

Reading isn’t the only thing I do, obviously. My first love will always be writing. I took a bit of a break cough-BookTube-cough, but picking it back up is always a joy. I’ll probably be spending some time in front of my white board in the near future working out some world building details that were not super relevant till now. I watched Jake over at Nerd Level Rising talk to Christopher Ruocchio and was sent into a PANIC over idiolects and regional dialect features, which I’ve been doing all along, just not enough? I guess? I looked everything over and did some light edits, took some notes to make things more consistent. Culture is a complex web, all interconnected and inseparable from the individual parts. Building them is hard work, a job that never seems to end, even if the document of notes is for me, not the hypothetical reader. 

You could say that I was too heavily influenced by long form stories with extended casts, because even though I’m closing in on a hundred and seventy thousand words, I’m in part two of…five? Maybe? In epic fantasy, there are so many moving parts to keep track of at any given moment aside from the nuts and bolts of prose and pacing. I worry all the time that everything I have is trash, and even if it isn’t, it would never get picked up by a trad publisher and I won’t be able to afford self-publishing. I’ve had some other sets of eyes on my prologue as alpha readers. Positive, encouraging feedback that I’m grateful for! It’s not the same thing as having someone who’s familiar with the story, who knows where my head is at, where I’m going. I don’t write to publish, I do it because I love it. But I’ve been writing for twenty years, and actively working to get better at it for fifteen of them. There’s just nothing to show for it. Everything I’ve finished has ended up in an old computer’s recycle bin or in a literal paper shredder, with abandoned works in progress along the way. As terrifying as it is to expose yourself to the light, it’s impossible to soak in the warmth of sunlight in the dark. 

I’m going back to the grindstone when I’m done here. I won’t give up. 

Other than all the YouTube distractions and trying to rightfully earn the title of bibliophile, I’ve been trying to watch shows again. Just a few things. I watched Kaguya-sama: Love is War and loved it, enough to put the manga on my TBR. I finally got around to watching Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End with the same result. I watched Dungeon Meshi twice, read the manga front to back. What a story! I’ve been meaning to write an essay on it, but I can’t imagine having anything to say that hasn’t already been said. I watched Mob Psycho 100 and can’t express enough how much it resonated with me. For the first time, I watched Over the Garden Wall. The kerfluffle on Twitter over it being removed and restored to Hulu recently had me digging that up. Quality Culture did a great essay on that series last year which I highly recommend. My friends have been obsessed with the new Interview With the Vampire series, enough to read the books, so I watched three episodes of season one and liked it a lot. I’ll get around to it. I watched Steven Universe: Future, which I’ve been wanting to for a while. We watched the main series with our kids and enjoyed it, and I thought the sequel series built on the themes and story well.

And like everyone else in the anime community right now, I’m watching Dandadan. It’s GREAT. The animation, the sound design and OST, the character writing, the action, all of it is just stunning. It’s funny and got a lot of heart to it. Momo and Okarun are so cute. I haven’t watched the new set of episodes in the Thousand Year Blood War yet, but I’ll catch up in the next week or so. I’ve been impressed with this adaptation, especially with the old series not really pulling me in until its final episodes. Not only is it visually enrapturing, it really hits on the atmosphere and emotions; not just in service to the story but truly elevates the material. 

With all the things I take in, it’s probably no surprise that there’s no less than five trains of thought going on at any given time. That video Tale Foundry did last week about Weird Tales and pulp fantasy, and this comment arguing that the fanfic community has stepped in to fill that niche? Yeah, I’m still thinking about it. Zoe Bee’s most recent drop about how metaphor influences the way we think and how that relates to politics? Of course I’m thinking about it! Not just about how it affects rhetoric but how it affects diction in prose, which is more my wheelhouse. Princess Weekes’ follow up to her ‘Tall, Dark and Racially Ambiguous’ essay surrounding casting Heathcliff gave me food for thought, and Jess of the Shire’s fantastic essay ‘Monstrosity & the Vampire’ did too. Tim over at Hello Future Me did a video about ‘Arcology: The City in the Image of Man’ and I’m still chewing on that one too. How could I not? The ideas presented there are FASCINATING, big picture questions about structuring society and the growing subgenre of solarpunk. Broey Deschanel and Final Girl Studios both doing amazing videos on The Substance? Of course I’m over here thinking about them! Final Girl Studios’ essay is called ‘The Simulacrum of Feminine Performance’, how could I not sit here and think about that, and what that is, and what that means?? And on top of all that, I opted into a DnD one shot in a couple weeks! Gonna need a character for that, one that’s PG…man, I’ve been busy! 

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World: Prologue

I haven't reread the whole of the series ever (my last reread was in preparation for the finale), so with the books getting more popular and the show simultaneously entertaining me and getting my goat I figured I'd jump onto the bandwagon and maybe get some validation from internet strangers. As the title states, this is a reread, so I will be spoilering the hell out of everything, so if you're a show only fan or still working your way through the books, please run away screaming (but tell your friends!).

...

Okay now that I can no longer hear any screams, let's get into things. I first started reading The Wheel of Time in 2003 in middle school, catching up in time to read New Spring when it debuted and the subsequent novels after (except oddly, Towers of Midnight, which I didn't get around to until the finale was right around the corner, so I guess my longest reread only goes up to book 12 technically). It's probably my outright favorite fantasy world and has a lot of characters I love - in fact, at times I feel I don't quite fit into the fandom because I don't have an irrational disdain of any of the common hate sinks bar maybe Gawyn, and even then some people are making me like him a little bit more so I don't know what I'm going to do then.

That said, like most readers who came of age in the 21st century, I do have a lot of problems with Jordan's worldview. It's a rather interesting friction: the man was definitely trying to write a world without the sexism of our modern era (and to a lesser extent other prejudices as well), and yet he could never rise above them himself. I'll probably spend a lot of time talking about this kind of stuff and what might have been done instead.

Likewise, when we reach the inevitable Slog (and sorry people who didn't start reading until the series was finished, it's real), I'll be talking a lot about how the plot might be adjusted for brevity and, once we reach the Sanderson era virtually everything I want to talk about will be magnified tenfold because as much as I enjoyed his efforts at the time, I've greatly soured on him as an author in general and as Jordan's heir in specific since.

But for now, let's focus on what's important: The Eye of the World's first prologue: Dragonmount.

The palace still shook occasionally as the earth rumbled in memory, groaned as if it would deny what had happened.

As first sentences go, I'm not in love. It's not bad, but it's just a little too vague; "the palace" doesn't really give my mind's eye much to work with because they can vary so much depending on when and where they were built. It ends well though.

The dead lay everywhere, men and women and children, struck down in attempted flight by the lightnings that had flashed down every corridor, or seized by the fires that had stalked them, or sunken into stone of the palace, the stones that had flowed and sought, almost alive, before stillness came again.

Despite its length, a sentence like this would work better to me as the start. It's shocking and terrifying; this is a level of violence we won't see channelers pull off until much later in the series.

The mind-twisting had struck at the core, ignoring peripheral things.

This feels pretty on-theme for the story, really. The Shadow tries to subvert the major powers of the world but its defeat is primarily orchestrated by a bunch of farmers.

The edge of his pale gray cloak trailed through blood as he stepped across the body of a woman, her golden-haired beauty marred by the horror of her last moments, her still-open eyes frozen in disbelief.

Well I made it four quotations before we needed to talk about feminism so that's... more than I expected, really. Meet Ilyena, a character so posthumous that despite being part of a prologue 3,500 years before the main story she's still already dead by the time it starts! Obsessing over dead women is probably one of the biggest complaints this series gets and boy does it deserve it. Despite electricity being long gone, our characters have no shortage of fridges.

That said, I do want to note that as it stands in this book, things aren't that bad. In this book. See, in this book, Ilyena isn't the only victim - the children she and Lews had are also among the dead, as are quite a lot of other people who just happened to live or work in the palace or were visiting. Except for the use of LTT's title "Kinslayer", none of them will be mentioned again after this book - in fact, the non-family members are completely forgotten after the prologue. But again, that's jumping ahead. In this book, Ilyena is about providing a specific name and face to the tragedy, humanizing all of the victims by proxy in a way that, "Twelve hours after saving the world, Lews Therin went insane and killed two hundred and sixty-five people including all of his blood relatives," does not.

...brought by merchants from across the World Sea...

We talk a lot about how Jordan was too immersed in southern culture to understand how its gender roles were about as universal as Mongolian throat singing, but not enough about how he's too immersed in globalized petro-fascist markets based on maximizing inefficiencies for the global elite to use to extract wealth to understand why a real planetary utopia living in harmony with nature wouldn't be shipping luxury goods across the ocean when there's perfectly fancy fabrics to make at home and anyway the Green Men should be able to help silkworms thrive anywhere if you're that desperate for something breathable.

On the other hand, points to him for not going crazy about Gateways and assuming that all global trade could be handled by teleportation just because they're a fun tool. I will have a lot to say about Gateways as we approach the authorial transition.

For a moment he fingered the symbol on his cloak, a circle half white and half black, the colors separated by a sinuous line. It meant something, that symbol.

Even now though, it means something other than what it once meant (being the sign of the seals on the Dark One's prison) and before too much longer it will pick up two more meanings, one for each half. The Wheel turns and the world changes.

Behind him the air rippled, shimmered, solidified into a man who looked around, his mouth twisting briefly with distaste.

Props to Ishamael for clearly Traveling with the True Power even this early on in the series.

Not so tall as Lews Therin, he was clothed all in black, save for the snow-white lace at his throat and the silverwork on the turned-down tops of his thigh-high boots.

Thigh-high boots! <3 (Seriously Ishy how can you want to destroy the world you can express your fashion sense in?)

Also note how this contrasts the Aes Sedai symbol described earlier. There's a little bit of white though, because it can't be helped even by the Shadow.

It will soon be time for the Singing, and here all are welcome to take part.

One detail from the Sanderson novels whose origin I'm uncertain of but like regardless of who came up with it is Rand's claim that the AoL was NOT paradise and that it was rotting from within even before the Dark One got involved. The latter half of this sentence suggests one such flaw: having the Voice is a hell of a talent, but apparently there were places that did not welcome all potential Singers. This could just be a result of the War, but maybe it speaks to something deeper.

“Shai’tan take you, does the taint already have you so far in its grip?”

Ish here is mostly pissed that he doesn't get to enjoy his gloating, because for all his talk about nihilism, he is petty first and foremost.

Dangerous for you, fool, not for me.

Ironically, all things considered it's really the other way around - Shai'tan is no threat at all to the Dragon soul and will utterly ruin Ish by the end. Ish really isn't anywhere near as clever as he makes himself out to be, he just looks smart because he's the last survivor of Academia.

“So you do remember some things. Yes, Betrayer of Hope. So have men named me, just as they named you Dragon, but unlike you I embrace the name.

This is an odd detail, all things considered. LTT's fatal flaw was pride (this very prologue says as much), so why wouldn't he be proud of a flattering name? I wonder if we get any more details on this in the books or if it's just a little detail that was lost in the shuffle.

But it is not enough. You humbled me in the Hall of Servants. You defeated me at the Gates of Paaran Disen. But I am the greater, now. I will not let you die without knowing that. When you die, your last thought will be the full knowledge of your defeat, of how complete and utter it is. If I let you die at all

See what I mean about Ish? This is not the behavior of someone who is tired of existence and wants everything to end, it's the behavior of a dude with a petty grudge that he dresses up in fancy terms and fancier boots.

[Ilyena] will give me the rough side of her tongue if she thinks I have been hiding a guest from her. I hope you enjoy conversation, for she surely does. Be forewarned. Ilyena will ask you so many questions you may end up telling her everything you know.

Quick, name a female WoT character that Jordan doesn't think this description applies to! Can it be done? I doubt it. Another common criticism is that for all of his 3,000 characters, all of the women were just his wife. I don't think it's quite true, but I do think that the women he knew well were all cut from pretty much the same cloth.

“A pity for you,” he mused, “that one of your Sisters is not here.

This is another oddity. AoL healing required all five kinds of weaves and they didn't divide things up by gender anyway, so why wouldn't a Brother suffice? There's plenty of male Aes Sedai who haven't gone crazy at this point, and it's been only a couple days at most so you wouldn't think people would have time to reflexively assume men wouldn't be helpful. Is this another kind of healing that works better when you do it cross-gender? Maybe Towers of Midnight mentioned that?

Helplessly he convulsed, thrashing, his skull a sphere of purest agony on the point of bursting.

Good to know that every incarnation of the Dragon suffers horribly for no good reason, I guess. Rand's nihilism is a lot more understandable to me than Ish's is, considering how little suffering the latter actually endures.

“You can have her back, Kinslayer. The Great Lord of the Dark can make her live again, if you will serve him. If you will serve me.”

"Your kids are fucked though. We put their souls in vacuoles and then jettisoned them towards Sindhol, so we can't fix that even if we wanted to. Also you balefired half of them repeatedly, we think. Hard to be sure because there's no record of them left except some silhouettes on that doorway over there."

(More seriously, they're being left out right now because LTT isn't cognizant of their demise, making this the only excusable omission.)

“Ten years your foul master has wracked the world. And now this. I will. . . .”

Plus a whole century of societal collapse, but I guess RJ hadn't come up with that detail yet. Hell at this point maybe Shai'tan was still supposed to be ET's son.

You and I have fought a thousand battles with the turning of the Wheel, a thousand times a thousand, and we will fight until time dies and the Shadow is triumphant!

Ish says this and the fandom as a whole treats it as true but... we don't actually know this! Third Agers often state that they HOPE to be reborn, which suggests that's it's possible the Wheel stops reincarnating some souls (replacing them, presumably) - and who better to retire than the people who stop being grateful for existence and start actively trying to undermine you?

Further, Rand's epiphany is about how despite the crushing cycle of everything, anyone can still hope to live a better life - there's no guarantee that Ishamael falls to the shadow every time, or that he ever has before or will again! Hell, he could just repent even after he falls. Bro has choices, he just refuses to see them.

His own sons and daughters, sprawled like broken dolls, play stilled forever.

This is actually another odd detail. I don't know how Aes Sedai fertility works, but while it's not implausible that LTT & IS could have children who were of the age where their play is the most notable thing about them, they should also have kids old enough to have grandkids by now! Lews' murders could potentially number in the hundreds without starting on the servants and faithful companions.

Also note that while Ilyena's demise horrified LTT and left him with nothing to live for according to the narration, it isn't until he sees that he's killed all of these people he loved that he actually tries to commit suicide. This is the sort of thing that's completely neglected going forward, but it is nice that things were a little more complex than him finding his girlfriend in the fridge and his mom in the oven.

The land around him was flat and empty. A river flowed nearby, straight and broad, but he could sense there were no people within a hundred leagues.

This is a pretty subtle sign of just how much death the last ten years must have entailed: the Erinin is flowing through a temperate part of the planet (there being no indication that the Earth's axis was significantly affected by the Breaking) yet there are no cities nor farms within a hundred leagues. By all rights there should be, but now they're gone. One can see why balefire was banned.

He did not believe it could come, forgiveness. Not for what he had done.

Maybe it's just my own weird moral code speaking but I think stuff one does while literally and entirely involuntarily corrupted by the source of all evil shouldn't really count against them. Obviously he's in shock, but it seems like something that carries on into Rand's behavior as well and it's a little depressing that in a series about free will vs. determinism there's such a common attitude that the stuff you're doomed to do regardless counts against you more than the things you had a choice in.

Because in his pride he had believed that men could match the Creator, could mend what the Creator had made and they had broken. In his pride he had believed.

And he wasn't wrong to believe that, he just did it wrong and doesn't consider that there might be other approaches. Tunnel vision is a real affliction in this series.

Only a heartbeat did the shining bar exist, connecting ground and sky, but even after it vanished the earth yet heaved like the sea in a storm. Molten rock fountained five hundred feet into the air, and the groaning ground rose, thrusting the burning spray ever upward, ever higher.

No denial on the earth's part here, just straight up compliance.

Of Lewis Therin Telamon, no sign remained. Where he had stood a mountain now rose miles into the sky, molten lava still gushing from its broken peak.

Now imagine a million more dudes doing this and you start to see why the Breaking was as destructive as it was.

Then [Ishamael] was gone, and the mountain and the island stood alone. Waiting.

Presumably Ishamael went off and told someone about LTT's suicide before being vacuum sealed for a millennium and change, cuz otherwise there's no way people would know what Dragonmount was.

The oceans fled, and the mountains were swallowed up, and the nations were scattered to the eight corners of the World.

The west, the Waste, Shara, the sea, the Mad Lands, north Seanchan, southwest Seanchan, and southeast Seanchan. There, we've turned what was obviously an odd turn of phrase into a literal statement with all eight items acccounted for!

Let the Prince of the Morning sing to the land that green things will grow and the valleys give forth lambs. Let the arm of the Lord of the Dawn shelter us from the Dark, and the great sword of justice defend us. Let the Dragon ride again on the winds of time.

Well Rand did most of those things, but I don't remember any lambs, so I guess really he lost the war and the whole of the epilogue was a taunting dream the Dark One wove for him to distract him.

(God I hate those kinds of theories. If your assumption is that nothing is true, your theory is dumb and you should feel bad.)

From Charal Drianaan te Calamon,The Cycle of the Dragon.

So a lot of people talk about the conlanging in this setting and I just want to point one thing out: the fact that we go from the Old Tongue in the AoL to this New Tongue in the Fourth Age suggests very, very strongly that Randlanders are not inexplicably speaking English or anything close to it but something in between the two fake Tongues. We have a clear transition from things like "Telamon" and "siswai'aman" to "Calamon" for example, that dragon doesn't really fit into except as a distant ancestor/descendant.

Anyway, that right there is the prologue! I would compare and contrast it to Amazon's adaptation, but I cannot because they have not adapted this sequence yet. It's something of a shame, because I think the prologue is very important for making it clear that we're not actually doing a Tolkien-esque story like the early chapters suggest, but after seeing Winter Dragon I can also sympathize with not wanting to lead with this. That said, I am deeply depressed we couldn't keep Billy Zane and hope against hope that Rafe will find a role for him to be crazy in.

The TV show does do a sequence set in the AoL, but it's closer to being an adaptation of part of The Strike at Shayol Ghul than anything else, so I will hold off until we get there after A Crown of Swords.

[someonelookingpraediti]

A Year of Sanderson End-of-Year Wrap-Up

When Brandon Sanderson announced his kickstarter for a year-long subscription box, I was so excited! But it's been the biggest let down ever. It was really expensive, and we really didn't get much for our money. I feel so ripped off. And more than that, it doesn't feel like there was a lot of thought put into the items. It was just a way of making a lot of money fast.

At the beginning of the year, I made this post: Guesses, Wishes, Hopes, Dreams..., in which I detailed the kinds of things I was hoping for from this subscription.

Firstly, the books. I said that I wanted the books to work as a set, so that they looked good lined up together. They half managed this. The books were clearly designed together, they're similar in style. But they don't work as a set. For a start, there are two blue books right next to each other. The spine layout is different on the third book as well, which is annoying.

The other thing I wanted was premium book features. Artwork endpapers, ribbon bookmarks, fancy foiling, gilded edges, slipcases. I got almost none of these. The covers were foiled, and there were decorative endpapers, although only the last book had full artwork papers. The only book with sprayed edges was the last, which had plain black edges. The were no ribbon bookmarks, no slipcases, and nothing to set these apart from any other special edition you could buy in a bookstore.

As for the goodies, or as he termed it, "swag"? A total waste of money. This subscription was so, so expensive. Even before shipping, these were more expensive than any of the other boxes I subscribed to.

In other boxes, you get an exclusive book, plus four to five items. In this subscription, you got a book or the items each month, not both. So honestly? I was expecting at least seven or eight items in the "swag" boxes. We got three. And the quality was lacking.

Box 1: Hoid For this box, I had no specific wishes. The only request I had was that it be "imaginative". On that, they failed. We got a t-shirt, some post-it notes, and some stickers. Essentially, promotional business supplies.

Box 2: Cytoverse This was the only non-Cosmere box, so this was the box I was looking forward to most. I asked for a slug plushie, a special edition of Defending Elysium, and some DDF attire. What we actually got was a pack of playing cards, an ice cube tray, and a little model spaceship. The model was good quality, so was probably good for memorabilia collectors, but didn't interest me.

Box 3: Mistborn I wanted a Mistcloak, and a Soonie Pup (I specified "like the ones in the newspaper clippings" because they were so cute!). I got a Soonie Pup, it's true... but instead of a cute plush toy, it was like, an arcade grabber prize? Gross! We also got bookends and stickers. The bookends are really nice, and one of the few items I'll be keeping. The stickers were a bit rubbish.

Box 4: Sel I didn't have any particular wishes for this one, which is good, because I'd definitely have been let down - I couldn't have predicted these ones. There was a wax seal and rubber stamp kit, but they were super low quality, so I didn't keep them. And some... magnets...? For some reason? And some plasters, or "band-aids", as the Americans say.

Box 5: Cosmere I have no idea why they did a "Cosmere" box, when most of the other boxes were also based around the Cosmere. I thought this might include a map, and I said that I'd be disappointed with a poster. This was probably the best box. We got a wash bag, a luggage tag, and some postcards. I like all these items, but it still doesn't seem value for money.

Box 6: Warbreaker I wanted a Nightblood letter opener, and that is what I got! It's sadly boring in appearance, but it's very practical, and kind of elegant, I guess. There were also some glass coasters, which were hideous, and didn't seem to have anything to do with the theme. And some... breath mints. Yeah.

Box 7: Stormlight I love Stormlight, so I was looking forward to this box. I was hoping for a set of pens shaped like various Shardblades, and a set of glass gemstone Spheres with LEDs inside so they glowed when charged, like in the books, and an axehound plushie. We got a Shardblade keyring, but it is way too big to be practical. And a mini figurine, which I very specifically didn't want to get. The last item is an over-the-shoulder bag. It's a really quality item, and I want to love it, but it's just so... nerdy. I know, I know, it's fantasy... of course it's nerdy. But this is too much.

Box 8: Sanderson Fan After this subscription, I am no longer a Sanderson Fan. I was hoping for something "Reckoners" and something "Firstborn", and I was expecting a 2024 calendar. We didn't get any of those. We got a notebook and a pair of socks. I also was hoping for another book. We did kind of get another book - we got a short story. However, it's left a bitter taste in my mouth, as this book has already gone on general sale, for only $12, or free as an eBook! So why did I pay all that money for these boxes?? What a rip off!

There has, since the kickstarter, been loads of amazing merchandise released on Brandon Sanderson's shop, loads of which looks really good, and which I would love. Instead, we mostly just got cheap tat.

And to make it even worse. We were offered, as a "thank you" gift, a set of pins. This was like, their version of a stretch goal. But when the boxes started arriving, they tried to pass it off as part of the "cost" of the box, like it was one of the actual items. This was especially aggravating, as the pins were the ugliest things ever.

Overall, the only things I'm actually keeping from the "swag" boxes are the bookends, the wash bag, the postcards, and the book. I cannot emphasise how much of a waste of money this kickstarter was.

[onaperduamedee]

Notes on Towers of Midnight

Starting with the penultimate book, the one with Egwene as full Amyrlin, with Rand post-Dragonmount, with Mat's katabasis to rescue Moiraine! I am vibrating with excitement!

"Mandarb’s hooves beat a familiar rhythm on broken ground as Lan Mandragoran rode toward his death." - happy to see that 20 years have taught lots to emo prince Alan.

Of course, Nynaeve's work paid off and now he's picking up Borderlanders.

Lan, you dunce, refusing to take Bulen because Nynaeve had tricked him is petty. Just accept the help without having him beg.

How nice of the book to remember Perrin actually had a rather neat arc about wolves before whatever leadership arc happened.

Glad we are properly addressing the Aram issue and Perrin's guilt.

"And yet you use them the same way." - and the penny drops. Even if this is war, violence is always worth questioning, especially after the last book and the new weapons emerging.

So the True Power is essentially the Dark Lord's Power?

Aran'gar, too busy making out with Delana to notice the impending disaster, is the true bisexual representation.

So the ravens and rats are used as spies through a weave that allows whoever compelled them to see through their eyes?

Graendal is by far the most clever of the Forsaken for putting together Rand's stratagem and an escape so fast. At least, Rand did get Aran'gar, but at the cost of Delana and everyone in that palace. 

Rand now thinks Graendal won't be a problem...

Hats off to Galad for stopping Asunawa's Children using their own rhetoric.

Galad/Egwene parallels now... That's especially interesting as it positions the Children as a mirror to the AS.

I didn't find that prologue particularly exciting tbh.

Not a good sign that the farmer that almost made me abandon TEotW is back.

Rand is sprouting flowers in his wake? That's cute. He seems much assured now, at peace. Which I am not completely sure about. He seems like a whole new character.

So we won't know why Annoura was meeting Masema because Jordan didn't write it down and Sanderson didn't know.

Well, Galad's power arc was over fast. No sooner had it started that the Children already rebelled and freed him. It's a bit disappointing.

Awwww Siuan likes Saerin now that she is freer to form bonds with all sisters. Her arc means so much to me.

Siuan hoped Egwene would name her Keeper and regrets the little time Egwene has now for her. My heart. Their relationship is everything.

It is so nice to see Siuan eager to continue what she started with Moiraine freed from the entanglement of power. I love that she still feels a pang of regret because the Dragon in the Tower should have been the culmination of 20 years of her work.

As much as I love seeing Siuan reflect on what she could not do as Amyrlin, I still think Sanderson is bungling her characterization with this quippiness and gruffness; Jordan wrote her as someone who suffered no fools, always one step ahead, but it translated into action rather than conceits.

Rand's acknowledgment of Siuan's help feels so satisfying. Yes, Egwene and the Tower united owe much to Siuan, as much before her fall as after. I hope the sisters will recognize her work more. She was a pivotal player.

Siuan showing such pride in Egwene... My heart.

"She must never forget that there was an entire world outside the White Tower’s walls. The purpose of Aes Sedai was to serve that world." - I am extremely curious as to how she will achieve that because the Tower is still wounded and people remain extremely distrusting of Aes Sedai.

"I’ve been struggling to avoid Aes Sedai strings of control. And yet, I allowed other strings – more dangerous strings – to wrap around me unseen." - Yep, I am at least satisfied by this acknowledgment even if I don't grasp what Sanderson is doing with Rand's characterization.

So Egwene is also immune to ta'veren pull?

I'm tentatively hopeful about the Egwene/Rand opposition. I've been saying for books that Rand should be as careful with the AS as he was with the Seanchan and now we're going to see why he should have played a long game with them. It will hurt.

“The same empty words over and over, Hopper sent.” - I am with Hopper. When will Perrin stop wallowing?

Perrin finally accepts that maybe he needs to learn how to work with his wolf self, Galad encounters Basel Gill's Caravan, and piecing together it's Perrin's army, Gawyn investigates what's obviously Mesaana's victims... It's too much dithering.

"Aes Sedai, for all of their cunning, sometimes seemed to have remarkably underdeveloped senses of self-preservation." - I continue to be extremely surprised by how prevalent a belief it is in this world, not only for AS but in general, that people should all be capable of killing and defending themselves.

Gawyn is a fool for believing that Egwene, the Amyrlin, owes him any explanation. The audacity of this man.

"Light, a Forsaken in the Tower seemed more plausible than Egwene being the Amyrlin Seat! " - Egwene, ditch him, please. Also, his argument for ordering Aes Sedai to take warders... He has the emotional intelligence of an oyster.

Perrin is infuriating. Thirteen books in, and he's still doing the whole “I don't want to be in charge thing”. Even Mat accepted he had responsibilities toward his people. 

I don't trust Bawler for peanuts.

How refreshing to be in Morgase's POV.

The Aes Sedai suggested they link with the Asha'man to give them strength. That's a really sensible idea that would save us a great deal of time.

WO: we're not like Aes Sedai

WO the next sentence: act exactly like AS

"For a man who claims he doesn’t like being in charge, you certainly do like giving commands." - Thank the Light Morgase called out Perrin for marrying her off with Tallanvor like that. Her agency has been constantly trampled for months.

Interestingly, both Gawyn and Perrin seem to resort to pairing off women to tie them up to men using excuses that sound an awful lot like preventing waste. I don't like that at all. Women are not loose ends.

Okay, but Lan is a bit ridiculous with his insistence no one should follow him. They will follow him whether he wants it or not. It's their nation too. They have a right to fight for it.

A Mat chapter! This will-they-won't-they-fight between Perrin and Galad was tedious.

"Of course, Mat did not look at women anymore, not like that. He did not think about her for him to kiss. Maybe for Talmanes" - Mat, you're bi. You don’t have to pretend.

"Light, he hoped that she had not left instructions for him to help someone in trouble."- That's hilarious. He is incapable of not helping people in need.

Mat is planning to deal with the gholam for real. That's good. It's time to conclude the various plots and this went on for long enough.

The description of Thom performing is exactly what we got on-screen. I am in awe of the writers' holistic approach to adaptation.

"We can’t leave her with them. Those snakes and foxes" - light, this makes me so anxious about the state they will find her in. Moiraine, please be okay. Mat was messed up after a visit with them and Moiraine has been held for months.

"but for an Aes Sedai, I kind of like Verin. And I’m a good judge of character, you know that." - awwwwwwch, too soon. I am emotional again. Mat is also taking his promise seriously.

Psst, if you need someone to open a gateway to the Tower, what about Siuan? She could help, even if she isn't strong enough anymore. Link with Leane?

The Mat and Teslyn scene was so wholesome, and her immediately helping him fight the gholam felt so satisfying. Wouldn't it be thematically relevant if he did free all the damane from the Seanchan? He may hate Aes Sedai, but he certainly earned their respect and trust.

"'I need to write a letter to Her Royal bloody Majesty Queen Elayne the prim.’

Joline sniffed. ‘Are you going to swear at her too?’

‘Of course I am,’ Mat muttered, turning to go back to Thom’s tent. 'How else is she going to trust that it’s really from me?'" - I laughed. I seriously love him.

Mat is such a dynamic character. He is dealing with Verin's instructions, with the gholam on his trail, with Moiraine's rescue, all at once. He interacts with many different people from different groups in a way that feels completely natural.

I don't understand: is Tam with Perrin now? He witnessed his son clearly breaking down, ready to kill him, then Rand disappeared and we're supposed to believe that Tam went back to Perrin in the meantime? Or were Perrin chapters before Dragonmount?

Lovely to see the Asha'man experiencing the joy of saidar through linking and having hope for a future now that saidin is clean. But I am now afraid Grady is a goner. That conversation feels ominous.

I honestly don't care for the Perrin and Galad plotline. I don't even think Perrin's Whitecloak arc needed resolution.

The writing for Elayne's pregnancy remains atrociously caricatural. I have no words.

I still feel so sorry for Cairhien. Elayne has 0 ties to Cairhien apart from a father who died young. Saying she is a legitimate choice for the throne is technically correct but so unfair to the Cairhienin. No self-determination allowed here, she's just another foreign leader seizing a land ravaged by famine and war.

Elayne thinking Mat and the Band are just mercenaries and forcing them to camp outside is excellent.

Mat's letter and Elayne's reaction were so cute! I am looking forward to their reunion. They need the support.

I like Sanderson's writing for Elayne better? I prefer the way he shows just how unconventional a ruler she is, and the increased snarkiness serves her character rather than breaking it like Siuan. The closer he writes her to Mat, the better her character works for me.

I far prefer Nynaeve's caution regarding Rand to Min's confidence.

Alanna vanished without a trace? Could she have been taken by a Forsaken?

Okay, it is ironic that Cads suspect Nyn of being BA even for a second. I doubt we will have much more big DF reveals after last book.

"Facing the end of the world with the Dragon Reborn completely out of control was one of them." - you don’t say, Cads.

"'As persuasive as you can be, Nynaeve,’ Cadsuane said dryly, ‘the Shadow has means to make people more forthcoming.’" - I would still bet on Nyn.

Yeah, I was suspecting it last book but the way Veins of gold unfolds is all the more frustrating now that this new Rand undoes every single obstacle created previously for Rand to surmount. It's an extremely convenient resolution.

"‘I thought I was being forged into a sword,’ Rand said, eyes growing distant. ‘But I was wrong. I’m not a weapon. I never have been.’" - excellent. I love the way this calls back to Moiraine's words about people being tools in TEotW.

"‘I am not only one of those fools, my friend, but I am their leader. Queen of the fools, you might say.’" - Egwene, I love you, with all my heart.

Her mastery of tel'aran'rhiod remains one of the elements I await the most eagerly.

I like the idea that Accepted should learn with the Wise Ones but I continue to find heinous the belief that WO training is better because it is even more brutal.

At least, Egwene sees that the WO would benefit from working with AS as well.

"'Do I really have you, Nynaeve?’ » - ooof the conversation between Nyn and Egwene is probably my favorite moment of the book so far. Their friendship never recovered from Nyn trying to assert authority over Egg after her captivity with the Seanchan and Egg threatening and hurting Nyn in reaction. This is proof of how frail that relationship still is. It doesn't mean they don't love each other, but what was lost can never be recovered, because their life followed different paths and some wounds, even unwittingly given, healed in a way that closed off an entire range of intimacy between them. It's a very real, adult, and raw sentiment and I love that Sanderson struck that balance of affection that's uneasy without being resentful. Egwene does need Nynaeve, and Nynaeve will always try to heal things. But this is as best as it can get.

Elayne's pregnancy is whatever in itself, but the way it's written so that Elayne becomes a liability who can't properly channel and a caricature of a pregnant woman is just so sexist, I am fuming. How the hell was this published recently?

Hurrah for the Wonder Girls meeting again though. 

(Don't worry Nyn, you'll get the Malkier throne) 

And I am super excited if Alviarin becomes Egwene's foil. She's one of my favorite antagonists.

The Asha'man's madness not going away after the cleansing of saidin is fitting, somehow.

The bubble of evil turning people into husks crumbling to dust reminds me of La Nuit des Temps. I love that body horror and I hope they keep this on-screen.

"Anything should be Healable, she told herself. Anything but death itself." - oh, Nynaeve... The fact she's probably not going to end up as a researcher in a brand-new medical institute is A Tragedy.

She cured the Madness!!! Hell yeah Nyn. I would have loved to see her work at it more beforehand, but I feel so relieved for the Asha'man. NYNAEVE.

No chance the AS are ever going to turn Nyn into anything she doesn't want to be. She's like Cadsuane in that regard. Rand doesn't have to worry. That's her thing; from the start, she's the one who changed the least and stayed true to herself.

"To be Aes Sedai is to be what you decide it is,’ Rand said, his stump still held behind his back. ‘Moiraine cared. You could see it in her, even when she was calm. The best Aes Sedai I’ve known are the ones who others complain aren’t what an Aes Sedai should be.’" - I agree with Rand, but he hasn't been in contact with enough Aes Sedai to make that judgment? I mean, that's the heart of his opposition to Eggy; they don't know each other. Also, it would have been nice to say that to Moiraine's face.

It's interesting because Nyn is also an unfitting mentor in the sense that she is very much a carer rather than a guide. Rand acts more like a guide to her than she does. She is too close to him to teach him, so what is left is essentially a position of minder.

It's a good twist and I'll be curious to see if the narrative doubles down on it or subverts it. Still, it creates this lovely intimacy between Rand and Nyn that makes Rand's trust in Nyn to defeat the DO all the more genuine and tender.

I had a suspicion the madness was closer to cancer than mental illness. It cannot always be healed. In Rand's case, it has spread too much.

I have reservations about Sanderson overexplaining the madness to the point of contradiction though.

"The Shadow’s Amyrlin.’" - that made me laugh. It's a cheesy line, but then the Forsaken are very Grand Guignol so it fits.

Glad to see Egwene is still working with the BA hunters and now they're preparing to sniff out Mesaana, hell yeah. I love that spy stuff.

Siuan is completely MIA though. I am distraught. If we don't get a scene where Egwene and Siuan make up, I am going to add this to the list of missing scenes I don't have time to write.

How much of Faile regretting her behavior is character development and how much is it Sanderson not vibing with her prior characterization? As much as I understand captivity would change her, it doesn't explain how she forsook a culture that required of her this jealousy. I'm not saying it's impossible, but that's why it would have been better to focus more on Faile's side of the story during the Shaido captivity. It's that character connective tissue that Jordan was skilled at and that was denied Faile strangely.

Faile and Perrin communicating? Sharing trauma? Faile compromising? Perrin accepting he's been running away from his issues? Is this a dream? More seriously, they grew a lot, even if it seems a bit sudden. The change isn't unwelcome.

Everyone is leaving Mat, including my man Juilin. Ironically, they feel safe in the Tower, but given that from Perrin to Rand the heroes are strangely tolerant of the Seanchan, I get it. 

So Mat does intend to convince Tuon to free the damane? Right? Right?!?

The gift to Joline was cute. He does care about them. It's awkward and his inner thoughts remain childishly sexist, but he did improve.

I wish Mat wasn't making so many fat jokes at Vanin's expense. I don't see the point. We already know he's callous and kind of a jerk.

Still not a fan of Mat's lack of empathy for women though: Thera is not a mouse, but someone who's been enslaved and traumatized. And Sul'dam are not like Rand: he never enslaved people and tortured them into obedience. I get the point he's making but the parallels only reinforce the fact he feels more empathy for the slave masters than their victims, which has been a recurring theme with the Seanchan.

Yes, I love Mat. Yes, I think this writing choice is callous.

Seanchan slavery is 100% slavery: the fact it is part of their culture doesn't make it less so. In Mat's culture, it should be abject and he's just uncomfortable with it? Does it reflect the North/South attitude toward slavery before its abolition in the US?

I talked too fast about the gift. He now goes back to pranks? That was something he did in book 1, ages ago. Why?

I am not sure about the way Sanderson writes Mat.

"And what about the people around you? Give you no thought to the danger you could cause them?’" - Birgitte is right to point out the flaws in Elayne's reasoning. I despise such dismissiveness of the people in danger for Elayne: it isn't kind or smart.

It's bugging me and bordering OOC for her: there's a difference between being protected by people willing to die for her and taking fool risks. The BA fiasco happened because there were risks that Elayne dismissed ON ACCOUNT of her invincibility.

Am I supposed to cheer for Elayne as she manipulates the Kin into accruing more power and tries to monetize channeling? Like Faile and feudalism, this is not a political improvement at all. What is going on with her?

"And they liked to pretend the entire world could be polished up and cleaned the same way, people defined and explained in one or two words." - they're white conservative Christians, what do you expect?

Strange purple walls in the wolf dream now?

At least Perrin is taking lessons from Hopper. It's been books since I've cared about him and it's genuinely disheartening. 

I don't care for battles unless they're written in a very specific literary way, but Ituralde being rained on by Draghkars is kind of a horrifically grotesque image that I appreciate.

So the Blight is overflowing with Trollocs and Ituralde is the only thing keeping them out? Tarmon Gai’don needs to come now!

"Berelain pursed perfect lips. Light, but the woman was beautiful!" - just kiss her and be done with it

"Faile could only guess how much juggling, political double-dealing and sheer cleverness that must have required." - make. out. with. her.

About the Faile/Berelain showdown: a) I love that Faile is smart enough to realize she cannot outsmart Berelain and that the solution will come from Berelain, b) I loathe that we are still in this silly sexist love triangle beneath both women, c) why do I feel like getting Faile to pretend to be her friend is exactly what Berelain wanted but she was waiting for any opening to work Faile, d) they should make out and start a ménage à trois with Perrin.

"Well, there’s this rumor that says you stepped into death’s domain to challenge him and demand answers to your questions" - I like the way Sanderson is using stories around Mat, there with the extremely detailed cover stories, here with the extravagant and sometimes horrifically exact rumors.

Awwww, Mat doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of Talmanes! Talmanes and Tuon are his special nobles.

I've missed Birgitte and Mat's friendship. They're genuinely so wholesome together and if the show doesn't give us this relationship, I'll riot.

Elayne could attack the Two Rivers, bargains to keep the dragons for herself, and hires the Band to use against Cairhien?!? Is she a belligerent ruler always looking to expand her land? This feels like A Turn in her character and not an organic one.

Nynaeve Aes Sedai testing! I wasn't expecting it to come this soon but hell yeah!

"'To show that I am worthy,’ Nynaeve said." - you tell them! Of course, she's already AS

The test itself is ridiculous and brutal but we already knew from NS. It's just even worse because no AS respects Nyn.

"But I would never be myself again if I abandoned him. The world changed when I married him." - Feeling ambivalent about this line. On one hand, a lovely line about her devotion to Lan. On the other, the context and phrasing give off an unfortunate "I don't need a career when I have a man" aftertaste to it.

"And yet, so many of us do it without families. Without love, without passion beyond our own particular interests. So even while we try to guide the world, we separate ourselves from it. We risk arrogance, Egwene. We always assume we know best, but risk making ourselves unable to fathom the people we claim to serve.’" - Partly excellent line that feels like the culmination of an arc for Nyn except we didn't really see said arc so it's underwhelming.

And again, the suggestion that Aes Sedai are cold, frigid women because they don't have family: they do?!? But Nyn is obviously thinking of a straight nuclear family here, not found families.

It's bizarre this is the argument used, with so many other things wrong with the AS.

"Do not press me. In the morning, I swear the Three Oaths. I’m free of them for one more night." - that was a rad threat and At Last Nynaeve has Lan's bond! It was a bit sudden and I thought Lan would be more involved in the process given what happened last time. I hope we get at least a conversation about it when they meet again.

Seonid is so cute with her report to Perrin. The AS are efficient civil servants when they have actual good leadership. 

I am both relieved and pained Morgase is learning just now about Rahvin. That's a cold way to realize one has been under compulsion.

Bawler has something up his sleeve, good or bad. I wish Perrin was more cautious around him.

Ituralde's chapters are genuinely demoralizing. He and his armies are merely cannon fodder to slow down the Trollocs. Neat indictment of war still.

Oh Morgase, that poor, poor woman. She never felt truly loved by Thom or Gareth, and Taringail was a manipulative jerk. The way Tallanvor talks to Morgase is a bit too insistent and self-pitying though. Give her a break.

I admit that knowing how much of a jerk Taringail was it's good to know Gawyn has a father figure in Gareth.

I loathe the way Sanderson writes Siuan. She lost all of her sharpness and power. I want to weep. She acts like mid-books Min toward Rand.

Gawyn exasperates me but I have to admit he is an interesting character in the way he knows and understands so little about what is happening around him. He is pursuing a grey man or something incredibly dangerous, not knowing what it is. He disobeys Egwene and destroys her plans. He's an idiot whose actions always amount to anything.

At last some Moiraine rescue planning!

"No trades, Thom, no bargains. We go in fighting and we don’t leave until we have her." - this made me emotional. Truly, why does he care so much and talks about her as a friend now?

Hell no, Birgitte died in the Tower of Ghenjei!?! 

"They can’t all end in victory. Gaidal and I don’t deal well with happy endings anyway. Better for us to burn out in glory" - this is some ominous foreshadowing for certain stories. Also, there is a real risk that Birgitte's cycle of rebirths has been broken by her being pulled into the real world. Loving this thread of memories fading or being injected into different characters' minds with death as a threshold.

Mat and Birgitte's friendship is genuinely the loveliest.

"They feed off what we feel. They like Aes Sedai in particular, for some reason. Perhaps those with the One Power taste like a strong ale." -I am going to be sick. What are they doing to Moiraine?

Meanwhile, Elayne is onto another chaotic plan without backup AND invoked Min's viewing? She's going to be captured again and people will die, am I wrong? 

Like clockwork. 

I don't even know what to say about what happened in the dungeon.

So, Elayne nearly died, lost the black sisters, nearly lost Mat's medallion and Mellar left with a partially working copy. Impulsive is an euphemism at this point.

Elayne deserves all of Birgitte's ire. Pretending to be a Forsaken is a skit, not a plan.

This is the chapter where Gawyn, Elayne, and Lan are competing for the most bullheaded.

Birgitte has a tough job: she's losing her memories of Gaidal (and possibly of childhood) and taking care of Elayne is harder than walking straight into Shayol Ghul.

I've face-palmed so much about Elayne that it circled back to admiration. I get it: she's the clown queen, the M. Hulot of the monarchs, the Jacques Clouseau of the rulers. Her buffoonish recklessness is so daring it has morphed into wisdom.

"Or was it some part of him? Was it possible that that was what caused him to become a wolfbrother in the first place?" - he's doing the math at last.

I mock him but it feels good to have a chapter that's purposeful with Perrin's arc. No tergiversation, minimal poetry. Just a character coming to a conclusion.

"Bandar Eban has suffered enough beneath the hands of outsiders. Today, she will not know the hand of a conqueror." - I am loving Rand coming to terms with the fact he's been acting like Napoleon for the past few books under the guise of stabilization.

I do wish he would realize that the Seanchan's orderly ruling comes from enslavement and slaughter of a minority. That's why fascism is attractive to some, with promises of empowerment and security for a selected few.

Not terribly fan of the overtly messianic slant of Rand using his ta'veren abilities to uncover unspoiled grain and rousing people as if they were unable to organize without him, but it is comforting to know he is inspiring people.

"Who was he to forbid those who wanted to fight?" - at least Perrin stopped patronizing women for learning to fight. 

I spent the entire time of the Galad-Perrin meeting wondering when Morgase would be uncovered: the reveal did not disappoint.

As fun as the reveal was, the Perrin-Galad standoff is nothing but stalling. The trial with Morgase undead as a judge feels like padding so that Perrin has something to do before the LB. And Morgase has no authority. It is silly.

Darlin is a smart, careful ruler, and I appreciate that. I do wish Egwene would not go behind Rand's back like that, but he isn't leaving her much of a choice.

"Aes Sedai would, unfortunately, be Aes Sedai." - this is why seeing Egwene handle them is so satisfying.

"They were busy reacting to things she’d done months ago." - Clever girl. She's Siuan's girl through and through, playing 4D chess when everyone is squabbling. 

Egwene deftly lets the Hall vote her in charge of the DR alone. She's so sharp.

"Traditions that hitherto have been used only for treachery, backbiting and division" - YES honestly between Egwene and Nynaeve, if the Aes Sedai cannot reinvent themselves, they're a lost cause.

Eggy set another trap for Mesaana. I live for that spy stuff.

Seeing Perrin in the wolf dream again reminds me that the fight with Slayer reads like something out of Dragon Ball Z.

Light, the Perrin and Ituralde plots are not doing it for me. So close to the LB, it's plot fluffing.

Berelain is defending Morgase because she's a real one and understands people underplaying the damage done by patriarchy.

The gag of Alliandre being attacked by her three knives, and Berelain by the dagger hidden inside her dress during the bubble of evil is perfect.

The Galad and Morgase conversation is interesting: on one hand, I appreciate Morgase's input about justice; on the other, it is written like Sunday school morality. Perrin did kill those men for killing wolves and for them, wolves are only animals. Good luck trying to explain to them, without sounding like a DF that wolves are sentient creatures. It’s still the law of retaliation.

"How often did Guardsmen get the honor of carrying their queen, anyway?" - oh yeah, Sanderson is fully taking the mickey out of Elayne. I think he's exaggerating her traits to make her seem too ridiculous, but that's just me.

"'The world just changed, Elayne,’ Birgitte said, shaking her head, long braid swinging slightly. ‘It just changed in a very large way. I have a terrible feeling that it’s only the beginning.’" - Birgitte lived through so many wars. Witnessing Elayne enter what's obviously a belligerent path as a ruler must be crushing.

Perrin facing a nightmare in the shape of the Dragon Reborn, telling himself it isn't real: not subtle, but potent.

Rand looking like a statue on top of Dragonmount is a sweet allusion to Rand seeing himself as a story now.

Wth happened with that Rand vision in the Wolf Dream? Was it a flashback to Veins of gold? A flash forward? Why has Tam gone? Can we get a Rand chapter? 

Mat threw away his medallion and ashandarei to save Talmanes?? It's love, I tell you.

The fight against the gholam? The battle cry in the old tongue for the fallen? The Kin's gateway for the gholam to fall through? Epic. 

"The white in her hair did not detract from her prettiness at all." - Mat never disappoints when it comes to appreciating older ladies.

I hope Ituralde still takes on the Seanchan after the LB because he's skilled at guerilla warfare and using him as cannon fodder here is a shame.

So Cads retrieved Alsalam! Love the irony of someone with her reputation saving a ruler for once.

The tragedy of all these battles is that the most important fight will be between the Dark One and Rand. The rest is a distraction. It's a necessary distraction to allow an after, but it's still a consequence of a lack of unity and planning beforehand.

Ahhhhhhh Siuan is back in action, meeting the Sea Folk, teaching tel'aran'rhiod, setting the trap for Mesaana... And she's gone just like that.

Why can't we have longer Egwene scenes and particularly longer scenes with Egwene and Siuan?

"I am a tool that the White Tower must use" - Curious how the EF5 integrated differently Moiraine's words from TEotW: "A tool is not demeaned by being used for its intended purpose" 

And by curious I mean she's profoundly haunting the narrative and still affecting the main characters.

"She’s so concerned with being strong, with being the Amyrlin, that she doesn’t have room for anyone who won’t bow to her every whim." - he is so allergic to having a girlfriend who has more authority than him, please grow up.

Gawyn proved useful by discovering the assassin is a Bloodknife and then immediately after turned incredibly petty toward Egwene. He's nothing if not consistent. 

I hope we see Bloodknives on-screen: they have the potential to look horrifying.

I was hoping Perrin would reveal his nature during the trial. With Mat's legendary reputation growing, it's gratifying to see the three boys being out in the open with their abilities. 

Curious about the trap being set around the camp.

Hearing Perrin talk about what it feels like to be in someone else's shoes: he too fails to step in the Whitecloaks' shoes when it comes to defending his killing. In the eye of the law, it's not an argument either.

Also, the whole TGH road trip with Moiraine where Perrin’s single-mindedness was particularly egregious.

Okay, the trial was fun. I liked the testimonials and they didn't go the easy route with the sentencing. And Morgase got to rule a last time, while Galad got to take on her mantle for a moment, rather than Elayne or Gawyn.

I doubt Galad will sentence Perrin to death though: a lot of characters (his siblings) have been telling us how hard or cruel he is and so far, aside from joining the Whitecloaks, he hasn't done anything as bad as Gawyn, on the contrary.

"'We’re not children, Mother,’ Siuan said dryly.

‘No, you’re Aes Sedai – nearly as bad at following directions.’" - I love them.

"'See to your safety tonight,’ Egwene said. ‘I would not lose you.’" - and Siuan's smile in return. Their relationship is everything.

"Holding Nynaeve back from attacking, that would have been the difficult task." - Nyn's grin at the prospect of blasting some Black Ajah had me hooting. Let Nyn kill people.

Egwene bloody al'Vere, schooling the Wise Ones and the Sea Folk, leading the Aes Sedai, uniting them all and helping the AS forced to teach SF in the same breath. Why in the world would she choose the Green with negotiating skills like hers is beyond me. HER MIND.

"The women you thought you would find are nothing more than a dream, Amys. Real life is often more disappointing than dreams, but at least when you find honor in the real world, you know you know it to be more than a fancy." - I love this so much. The "adults" are as much at risk of glorifying experience as the youths. And the Wise Ones especially who have positioned themselves as grownup AS are not immune to this bias. Accepting change applies to them too.

"I will not tie you in bands of steel. I’ll use lace instead." - her lucidity regarding what she is doing is so enjoyable to read. It echoes the profound sense of justice AS have that got twisted with time into empty reverence toward punishment.

Perrin is bringing the ter’angreal that disrupts Traveling to tel'aran'rhiod Tar Valon of all places while Egwene is fighting Mesaana in there? I am screaming. He's generally quite careful and this is such a risky move.

"I can’t leave her to do it alone, he thought. I have to help her. From within her shadow." -

Gawyn is a fool but he did give the singular best description of why I would want to be a Warder. It's about service and reverence, being a rock.

Perrin being more experienced than Egwene at ter'aran'rhiod, despite having far less training, and stopping balefire is utter bullcrap though. 

"It seemed she’d managed to become an Aes Sedai. That was good; she deserved it." - okay, I forgive Perrin for trapping everyone in tel'aran'rhiod. That was sweet.

As an Egwene fan, I hate she's been collared again, but as a parallel lover, I adore that she is caught by a Forsaken, given she controlled Moghedien for a time.

Egwene bloody al'Vere: unbreakable doesn't begin to cover it.

Egwene neutralized Mesaana, Perrin tricked Slayer and destroyed the dreamspike, Graendal has a Hail Mary. Light, these chapters are so exciting.

My greatest complaint is that we never saw Siuan and Nynaeve fighting. Let them obliterate BA!

Oh, and Gawyn is bonded to Egwene. If his change of heart concerning Egwene's rank keeps, I'm okay with it. He's a misguided and lost youth, which is why he pretty much enrolled in a militia, but he can redeem himself.

Better keep away from those rings though. More Chekhov's guns.

Tom Bombadil, excuse me, Nakomi, raises a good point about Aiel hardness and punishment as a way of life, but the Aiel are not only war and a hard life? It's a culture. People live in hard climates everywhere and their culture is built around. The loss of a culture would rather come from their displacement or an invasion, not from losing the original purpose of their nation? So yes, Aiel in the Wetlands risk losing part of their culture. But not those in the Waste.

Uh, they made a power-wrought weapon. I don't like this. I prefer Le Guin's approach to war.

The Galad-Berelain thing truly comes out of nowhere though. Good for them and I actually like Galad. This still wasn't well prepared.

The Perrin's come-to-Jesus moment regarding leadership took so long to arrive, it doesn't land for me the way it could have two books ago. Although AT LAST he's accepted his role and we can be done with this arc and go back to the Wolf Dream.

Did Berelain and Faile really think Perrin would attack the WC after going to such great lengths to avoid a fight!?? They're both smarter than this.

Hot take: the Trakand siblings are like that because they manage to have both mommy AND daddy issues. Galad is like that because he's just mommy's boy.

Bukama mention! I didn’t write about New Spring but I LOVED that book. I should re-read it.

"He’d been outmaneuvered. Curse Nynaeve. And bless her, too." - The thing is, Lan's commitment to death is so entrenched, has been for so long, that he has to be maneuvered around to be kept alive. If there was more time, he could get help and heal. That's why I am so invested in seeing onscreen Nyn grasping the depth of Lan's trauma and Moiraine's actions a little better after their marriage. Nyn obviously sees Moiraine’s view now, but I want more about the minutiae of their relationship.

To me, Lan's trauma was way over Nyn's head when she married him, although being Nyn she adapted quickly and came up with this alternative to keep him alive. Nyn coming to terms with the reality of her marriage with someone of Lan's baggage would be such a compelling arc for the show.

Hopefully, he'll start therapy after the Last Battle: he's been traumatized when he was a kid, a teenager and a young man, and 20 years of a long war alongside Moiraine, who's equally FINE, didn't leave him time beyond surviving. It's a process.

Lan is making progress: he sees reason and accepts to lead the Malkieri to battle at last. This book should have been called "Men accept their responsibilities."

Perrin got Galad pledging for him? I like that. It's a neat tie to his conflict with the WC. 

Sanderson is not that much better at romance honestly. The marriage between Morgase and Tallanvor felt rather rushed and insincere to me. She also deserves better.

Elayne sees her move for the Sun Throne as uniting nations rather than conquering: sure Jan. Light, I pity the Cairhienin.

Mat and Perrin's reunion is so moving: we got little of the EF5 as friends. They are still kids, no matter how burdened by responsibilities.

Elayne reuniting with Morgase and Galad was so cute and what a reward after everything they all went through. I am so happy. 

Does Morgase feel flatter? Same issue as with Siuan. Less sharp and more cardboard Morgase than actual Morgase.

I snickered at Dyelin's reaction: my gal was ready to strangle Morgase to stop Andor from toppling into another war of succession.

Aviendha remains so pure of heart. It's worrying that so much of Aiel culture is centered on Rand indeed.

Androl seems like a cool dude. If he is the way to flesh out the Asha'man, I am curious, even if I have doubts about introducing characters so late in the game.

Eh. I wanted to see the BT given more substance but this division is just rehashing the WT plot.

About the long-awaited Perrin and Elayne confrontation: at least the Two Rivers will get some autonomy from Andor? It feels like politics distracting from the Last Battle, even if it's well-done politicking. It should have happened sooner.

Each time I am reminded Tuon enjoys breaking damane I want to weep. And now they have Traveling. Fuck Beonin so hard. 

"The White Tower was doomed." - you wish. As long as Egwene is standing, she's gonna eat you.

Now Perrin knows about the Moiraine rescue mission. It's happening lads! SOON.

It’s easy to forget Moiraine was also present for the encounter with Noam, which caused Perrin so much trauma. They all have ties to Moiraine.

Wait, Avi is seeing the fall of the Aiel and the Seanchan victory over the Wetlands, the White Tower fallen, Cairhien burnt (again), the Seanchan using Elayne's weapons, the Aiel cast out and defenseless? WHAT. Avi's descendants broke the Dragon's peace and engaged in an all-out war with the Seanchan, and their endless war eventually broke the Aiel as people? What. Please tell me Avi will change the future. This is too bleak.

Wait, didn't Moiraine also see different futures in Rhuidean? And she said they were not certitudes, only possible paths? 

Also, did Rhuidean just stop working? Or are the columns not responding to Aviendha as a symbol for the decay to come?

Bribing the rich is better than killing the poor in an invasion, but it's still conquest, Elayne.

Glad to see the Cairhienin nobles are still as corrupted as everyone else. Nobles!

"Tell them that I was wrong. Tell them that we’re not weapons. We’re men." - I love Rand and I love that he is realizing this now, but Light, was the way Rand did (not) deal with the BT truly one of his greatest mistakes.

Rand Sedai! I love that!

The implication of the title, rather than Dragon Reborn, is so juicy: he chose the path, he passed the test, he took the vows.

Interesting that of all the people he credits for helping him be who he is Moiraine is here and Egwene is not. They’re going to clash hard.

The Borderlanders slapping Rand because of his imperialist approach to leading is understandable. He is saving the world, but to pretend the way he is doing it is the right one is ridiculous. Although much like wielding saidin, there was no map.

"But … well, she was proud of him. Grudgingly proud. A little." - Oh Cads, we know. You don't have to hide.

Now, it is extremely interesting that Rand sees the Borderlanders' prophecy as risky given all the other prophecies and viewings he HEAVILY relied on.

Elayne: I'm not a conqueror

Also Elayne: talks about Cairhien exactly like a conqueror.

Light, I genuinely dislike everything Elayne stands for politically. Rand at least has moved past the imperialism, Elayne's arc has been about embracing it. Please, tell me she grows out of it soon. Is her belligerence the Damodred "taint" Moiraine was so worried about?

Setalle and Mat are such a good duo. Mat's begrudging affection for AS is quite endearing.

Mat saying he doesn't like Aes Sedai because he doesn't like women telling him what to do is a) very Mat, b) frustrating, and c) very meta.

Pevara is completely trapped because Travelling is impossible and the Asha'man did something to Tarna, everything's fiiiiiiine.

I still really like Pevara too. She's the definition of a brave fool. Can she be played by Alex Kingston?

"Light, but he wished he could let them stay behind, on their farms, to live in peace while the storm raged elsewhere." - And now he's in Moiraine's shoes: there are causes that require EVERYONE to take responsibility in the world.

"’Her’ meant Moiraine. But what had the snakes and foxes done to her?" - DON'T SAY THAT I AM ALREADY DREADING/ANTICIPATING ZOMBIE!MOIRAINE

The Eelfinn world reminds me of the library's description in The Name of the Rose. So twisted and odd.

"The Aelfinn were for questions; the Eelfinn granted requests. But they twisted those requests, and took whatever price they wanted." - So Moiraine had already encountered the Aelfinn in Tear. I am taking notes.

MY GAL IS HERE SHE'S HERE AND ALIVE

And half-naked, of course.

What do you mean the show isn't a faithful adaptation? It already managed to get Moiraine naked twice in one season, which is an improvement on the 0 naked or walked-on while brushing her hair half-naked Moiraine we got in TEotW.

"Unapologetic, unyielding. And selfless." - I am crying. She is such a force of nature. I have missed her so much and she was gone for so long. I don't even care that she is a damsel in distress here. I am such a sucker for katabasis.

"Noal had tossed his torch aside and gotten out a drum to try to soothe the Aelfinn. That had not worked, and so Mat had turned to the exploding cylinders and nightflowers." - The image is frankly hilarious. When music doesn't work, explosives will do.

"‘If you ever meet a Malkieri,’ Noal said, ‘you tell him Jain Farstrider died clean.’" - Ah! I love this. Mat is surrounded by people of legends come back to life or raconteurs. And Moiraine was already a legend among the Aes Sedai.

I love Mat's thoughts on honor. It's a foolish notion but if it allows some people to live, let them have it. 

Also, do those chapters feel different than the rest of the Sanderson books? The writing reminds me of the Ways.

Seeing the way Egwene leads in comparison with Rand... If he just explained his plan about the Seals, the alliances wouldn't need to be this fraught on the eve of the Last Battle. I guess that's something he also picked up from Moiraine.

I was right, Taim is doing something to his detractors. Is it compulsion or something more sinister?

Oh, Mat remembers Moiraine as far more cold: he was a self-centered boy, he's just seeing her as a human being now.

You bet she's a bloody legend like Birgitte and Jaïn. Aes Sedai were convinced she was still alive and disguised as a Green in LoC.

Of course, Moiraine is depowered like Siuan, and Leane, and Morgase... I hate this.

Give it to Moiraine to recall her torture, voice completely even, unflappable mask on. I want to scream. Why is she like this?

"Sometimes I wished that they would drain me quickly and end my life." - I am in pain.

So she asked for the angreal as part of the deal with the Eelfinn. What were her other two requests? Could she ask to get out, to survive, to die? 

Oh, I am already losing it thinking about Rosamund Pike taking hold of this in the show.

"Light! She had known what she would have to go through, and yet she had still pulled Lanfear into that ter’angreal? Maybe Mat was not the hero here, and maybe Noal was not either." - several people can be heroes at once in different ways but yes, yes Moiraine is a bloody hero

"'Moiraine blinked in surprise. ‘You did what?’

‘It was an accident,’ Mat said lamely, hunching down.

‘You accidentally married the Seanchan Empress?’" - I want Moiraine catching up on everything she missed to be a running gag.

"'Ta’veren,’ Moiraine said.

Somehow, he had known she would say that. Light. Well, it was good to have her back. Mat was surprised at how strongly he felt that. Who would have thought it? Affection for an Aes Sedai, from him." - I have missed her so much. Also, Mat and Moiraine are now the unexpected begrudgingly fond relationship I was needing.

Is Moiraine in shock? Throwing away an angreal? Moiraine "not being able to channel is worse than death" Sedai? Asking Thom to marry her? The last time they met they had a rather aggressive battle of Daes Dae'mar? Is she okay?

"You think they can make one of those color-changing cloaks with some patches on it?" - I laughed. I honestly like Thom. The groundwork for a relationship, let alone a marriage, is just not there. Also, don't make decisions like this after months of torture.

Also, the reveal that Thom and Moiraine had feeling all along for each other - with very little build-up but tbh on par with Lanaeve in book 1 - would have MUCH more impact with Siuan in the show since there's a reason their relationship is secret.

"Moiraine would get her tea after all." - That's a cute closing line.

Honestly, Perrin meeting with Noam/Boundless and understanding his becoming a wolf was a choice is far better a resolution than anything on leadership we got for him.

So Verin was warning Mat about the gateway in Caemlyn in her letter. Cool cool cool

And Rand now knows Lanfear lives. I am looking forward to another confrontation with Rand more experienced and mature.

So, the prophecy of the shadow explicitly talks about Mat, Perrin, Rand and Noal but who the hell is "the First Among Vermin"? Padain Fain?

I vastly preferred TGS, but it still was fun. It definitely belongs to the lower half in my ranking, mostly because some plots feel like they’re here to give characters stuff to do before the Last Battle (the stand-off between Perrin and Galad). But it concluded Perrin’s arc and set up some interesting stuff for the Last Battle, mainly between Egwene and Rand.

The gender dynamics in terms of plot were rather disappointingly on the nose: the men fight incredible battles, described at length, the women meet to talk about scheming or have catastrophic fights where the men teach them how to do the stuff. It's not great, especially after the last book.

Rand was also conspicuously absent, and Mat, Nyn and Eggy stand out quite clearly again. The best part was hands down the Moiraine rescue mission: the urgency of the chase, the oddness of the Tower of Ghenjei, the thematic convergence of so many elements for Mat’s arc and finally, the glee at having my gal Moiraine back on the ring. I still can’t get over the fact that Mat, whose arc has been all about luck, tactics, stories, Finn and fleeing AS, ends up rescuing an AS from the Finn using his luck and wits with the help of two legends made flesh and a storyteller.

I do think it’s hilarious that we finally get to infer who killed Asmodean from a throwaway line by Myrdaal HR.

Onto the Last Battle!

[cranetreegang]

Random question. Favorite author/s?

I love this question!

Got me really thinking and most of them are on AO3 haha! But, this is probably a way longer post than it needs to be BUT LET ME GUSH!

FanFic Authors

Krebony - I love their story You Are My Home. It is such a sweet Ominis story and I am praying for the day it gets updated cause I am invested in what happens. I love the way Ominis is written (strong and sweet and protective and cunning) and it's a super sweet story with angst.

Lana_Morrigan - I love her Arcana - Julian story The Mirror Cracked. I love how she incorporated fairy tales into her story and it was just such a fun and heartfelt read. I enjoy reading very different prose from my own -> helps me grow more and branch out from the normal.

heartsof_theround - omg I love her story Our Floral Courtship. It was so cute and kept me on the edge of my seat. I love how she used the language of flowers (makes me want to do something in regards to that it was just so freaking CUTE).

@applinsandoranges - I love pretty much all of her one-shots because they're so well written and I love how sweet and cute most of them are (im sure everyone is sensing a trend with this and i am a sucker for cute and sweet content).

@eggymf - I love that she's putting in so much time and effort into crafting a long, multi-chapter story. I love hearing her ideas and how she executes them into her stories. I love how she writes Ominis - and I'm excited to see where OPPAW goes!

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NON FANFIC Writers

Kazutoyo Maehiro, Natsuko Ishikawa, Banri Oda - the genius writers behind Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward (the critically acclaimed award winning expansion lolll). I am still reeling over the emotional devastation they caused me, and it's been a year since I played it. The characters they crafted will stick with me for a long, long time. It's truly amazing how someone can make a character - then make you care so much about them. It's an art I would love to hone and master - and I admire them greatly for being able to do this so freaking well. Like I don't cry much when I'm reading, but damn did I cry like a baby. A literal SOBBING BABY. Just... amazing.

Kentaro Miura - the legend who wrote Berserk. I'm not really into gritty, dark stories, but wow. Just wow. He made me appreciate the trials and hardships of what a character/person may go through - and how they may emerge and change from it. It's really beautiful how you can write the human spirit that survives even when everything seems against them. It's really made me think about how I write future characters -> what makes them human

J.K. Rowling - probs a controversial take, but I admire how she created a world, a literal world, that is such an huge part of society. When you think of wizards -> you think of Harry Potter. I believe that's an amazing accomplishment to have so many people love your stories and to be so invested in this magical world. She inspired a lot of people's imaginations and I think that's the end goal of every writer -> to inspire imagination. And I hope to keep doing that (even with my dumb lil writings about Ominis or whatever)

Brandon Sanderson - Currently reading Mistborn, but he's the first author that I'm reading with a different sort of lens. I'm viewing his work as a fellow author (i know, i know - hot take of me calling myself an author butttt). It's been interesting breaking down his work and how he structures things. I love how he's made the magic system and world easy to digest without it being boring. You're in this world - and it's so organic. You learn more and more without it being overwhelming. You start to really understand the magic system, and it's so freaking cool. I love his prose - as I'm not the biggest fan of flowery prose - and his is a bit more straight to the point.

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There's many more I could put on here - honestly there's so many fanfic writers that don't get enough credit, but they're doing the Lord's work out there. I love all of their creativity and how they inspire others with their stories and characters.

Thanks again for the ask! <3 <3

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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140. Club Dead by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read in 2023!

Screw you, Bill. That's my main takeaway from this one again--my feelings on him being a crap boyfriend remain intact.

I also appreciated Sookie talking about money and how hard it has been for her to keep going and making ends meet. It's weirdly cathartic, especially when we compare the difference of how financially difficult life was in comparison to the financial difficulties of today. But also because I think a lot of the time, in these books (at least in the past), we focus so much on the relationships and the will-they/won't-they themes that we don't focus on the general lives of the characters. I'm excited to see what else comes Sookie's way! So glad I'm doing this re-read!

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141. Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Beyond the romantic idea that Sanderson essentially wrote this for his wife, this was such a fun and clever story full of adventure and hilarious moments. I enjoyed this so much more than I was expecting to, but I shouldn't have doubted because Sanderson's writing always scratches that one little fantasy itch you never knew was waiting to be scratched.

I loved the characters and how they all came together for this memorable adventure. Especially the narrator and how they spoke to us despite their current self not...being the way we expected them to be.

Also, my favourite and obvious theme was how it is a young woman who essentially saves the day. Sanderson's wife supposedly commented on how Buttercup didn't really do much to save her man in THE PRINCESS BRIDE, and I was curious to see what a more modern-day adaptation might look like. I wasn't disappointed because his mc is a badass who did all she could to save the love of her life.

While there were definitely some slower moments in the story, the dialogue and witty commentary will surely bring you back! Highly recommend it to anyone who wants a surprisingly humorous adventure set on another planet's oceans full of unexpected dangers.

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142. The Encounter by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am genuinely enjoying the heck out of this series!

THE ENCOUNTER is from the perspective of the one kid whose unfortunate actions in book one changed his life forever. Keeping that in mind made this book so incredibly heartbreaking. There's obviously the pain of missing what his reality once was, but seeing his fight to keep the past part of him alive despite his life changing so much made me hurt so much for him. I think his actions during this book were perfectly suited to his age, because he is, after all, just a child.

I really hope we see a better outcome for him in the future. My heart aches knowing that he is the cautionary tale for the other kids in the group.

Yes, these books are fun and full of adventure and I love that they are actually meant to be read in order. But I think that in between those suspenseful moments, the reader needs to remember that these are kids fighting a very non-kid friendly war.

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143. I Survived the Sinking of the Titanic, 1912 by Lauren Tarshis--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As a bookstore employee, I'm enjoying reading these books because I can give better explanations to my younger customers! Also, these are just really fun bite-sized reads.

The titanic was a massive tragedy, so it was interesting to see it from the perspective of a child who had a better chance of actually surviving the sinking (a wealthy child). It made me think of a very, very condensed version of REFUGEE.

If you want a quick and eye-opening snack of history, I'd recommend this series!

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144. Monster Blood by R.L. Stine--⭐️⭐️

I don't even know anymore. LOL this book was something. Not the worst I've read in the GOOSEBUMPS series, but I do wish it had a bit more character development because, honestly, is it normal for kids who have just met to trust each other so thoroughly in the case of human-eating slime? Would you, as a precocious child, put your life in danger for the random kid you literally just met?

This is why I should have read these as a child. As an adult, my stranger danger alarms are just shining bright like a diamond.

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145. Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this book with way too many expectations and that's my fault. I expected a gory and disturbing horror story set in a camp, what I got was a deeply disturbing exploration of the toxic world of cult-like religion that sent gay teens and young adults to Camp Damascus so they could be "cured" by any means possible...even if those means may be out of this world.

The book had it's moments of spook and legitimate chills because some of the language is deeply disturbing. Massive trigger warning for anyone who has trauma related to a religious upbringing. I wasn't raised in this way and I was deeply disturbed.

I wish I'd gone in with no expectations because I think I might have enjoyed it more. Was it fun? Absolutely! But I was very sad to see that it wasn't the setting I was hoping for. I know that a lot of other people will enjoy this book way more, and honestly that makes me happy!

That ending was great though--the explosion of build-up from the rest of the book was well worth the wait!

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146. Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There are only a few books where I can say I related a little too much to the main characters. Usually, it's books exploring my immigrant background, or growing up plus-sized, but this is the first time I've read a LGBTQ+ book where I related so much to the mc and her journey to understanding her sexuality and who she is as a person.

I grew up surrounded by heteronormativity. Any moment in my childhood where I was one step away from realizing my sexuality, something or someone was there to remind me that I can't stray too far. I had a friend who wasn't the greatest of allies and I still believe that set me back a million years. Coming to terms with who I am in my late 20's and early 30's was a massive mind-fuck. Suddenly, I started thinking about all of the signs and moments I ignored so I could stay in my little bubble. Reading IMOGEN, OBVIOUSLY by Becky Albertalli was like having a mirror put up to my face with a character yelling, "I told you so" (and plot twist, that character yelling is my younger self who always argued against me hiding my truth.)

Imogen, the mc, has a friend in this book who is the personification of doubts a new member of the LGBTQ+ community may feel when they finally let themselves step out of the closet. "Am I queer enough? Do I have a right to be queer when I haven't experienced half of the things other people in the community have experienced?" This friendship was toxic and a reminder that every community has its darker side. I wanted to hug Imogen for the doubts this friend seeded in her. But I wanted to celebrate her childhood friend who helped her understand that she is valid.

Yes, there is an incredibly adorable (and quick) romance in this one, but I think more than that, what needs to be celebrated is the support of non-toxic friends, and the personal growth Imogen experienced despite the storm brewing inside of her.

This book was difficult to read because of how incredibly relatable it was and because I know this is also something Albertalli wrote from her own experiences. I often worry about what others think of me when I approach the topic of being a part of the LGBTQ+ community and thankfully, I have some amazing friends who help support me. But I can't help but think of the other kids or younger adults who don't have that support, or guidance. This book could genuinely help so many questioning readers.

Through quick, witty, personable, and deeply emotional writing, Albertalli has created a novel that I recommend to everyone--whether they're a part of the community or an ally. Words and assumptions have more power than a lot of people seem to think.

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147. Far From True by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

As always, Linwood Barclay entertained me and kept me hooked. I'm always amazed by the twist and turns and the moments where my jaw genuinely drops because of the reveals.

I'll hopefully be reading the third one in the series soon--I'm curious to see why 23 is so important and who is behind it all! I'm totally reading this series out of order, but book four thankfully didn't spoil it for me!

Onto the next one!

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Have you read any of these? What are your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

[hezuart]

For your reverse Guardians au (which I saw bc of the recent ask XD) how do you think they'd react if they met their originals (movie version i havent read the books TvT) Do u think they'd be disgusted and/or horrified or indifferent? Especially in Jack's case

hehehehe so excited to answer this lets see... to keep them separated in terms of name: Pitch vs. Koz, North vs. Nick, Bunny vs. Aster, Tooth vs. Thiana, Sandy vs. Sanderson, Jack vs. Jackson

North would be completely confused and frustrated. He couldn't understand how his counterpart can not be excited over Christmas lights, toys, sugared treats, and presents. Nick is living like a Cossack in Russian snow, only eating dried meat for survival; he avoids sugar like the plague, it tastes awful to him and he knows its not good for him or other children. Nick believes that North is sheltering children. Children in his eyes need to be prepared for disappointment, war, and famine. He hates parents who lie to their children instead of giving them the full truth of what is happening around them. None of that "you'll understand when you're older" crap. He is brutal in his honesty and leaves no room for imagination or misunderstanding. Nick sees North as one of those people and sees him as a weak excuse of a Cossack. North sees this man and cannot understand why he chooses to live his life so poorly when he's had opportunities to live in luxury. Nick only gets upset at this, because there are plenty of third-world children living as he does; children of which, North has not extended his reach to. Nick also treats his elves and yeti as lowly soldiers and servants, much to North's disgust.

Bunny would be deeply uncomfortable. Aster is so hopeless and so miserable over the loss of his species(?)/family. Aster resorts to machines because those never die. Bunny is angry about this because the machines Aster builds are full of pollutants that only destroy the world quicker. This only makes Aster cry harder and fall into deeper despair knowing his work to save everyone is only hurting them. He is inconsolable and Bunny just wants to avoid him.

Tooth would scold her other self. They'd probably get into an argument about safe dental practices. Thiana would insist crowns and cavity fillings are prettier than the real teeth, and that teeth of bad memories must be stored and activated when a child needs help remembering a traumatic event so it won't happen again. Tooth insists that good memories are the things to cherish more, since fear is not easily forgotten, but happiness is. The two would just endlessly bicker in all manner of languages.

Sandy and Sanderson would just be a silent, glaring staring contest. Sandy would have a frown on his face but Sanderson would be smiling. They'd tiptoe around each other, just waiting for one of them to make the wrong move. It'd be very tense.

Pitch would be disgusted. He'd cringe in the presence of his righteous knightly other. He'd roll his eyes and try to avoid him. Koz understands that Pitch is himself, another him who never made it out of his dark place. Where the loneliness overcame him. Koz wouldn't try and convince him to be better, but he is unafraid to show Pitch how good his life could be if he made different choices. Pitch is a little bitter about it.

Jack would try and talk to Jackson excitedly. Having someone his age, with his powers, and maybe with similar experiences is something he wants to talk about. However, Jackson isn't interested in talking. He thinks Jack is annoying. Jack is all about magic and fun, and Jackson detests his powers meant for evil and misery. At some point, Jack would finally get Jackson to talk, but it was not something he wanted to speak about. Jackson would ask him about his past and the family he left behind. Jackson would speak about his sister; how she must have been forced to marry young to support herself since their father was out of the picture, and that she probably blamed herself for his death, making her live a sad, guilty life. Jack would cover his ears and shout at Jackson, much like that scene where Jack is lured to Pitch's lair. "Stop it, stop it!" It wouldn't end very well.

As for the others, The Guardians would be reluctant to accept Koz, since they'd have a hard time wrapping their heads around a good kind of Pitch. Jack would take a liking to him. Sandy would be the one to deem Koz genuine after finding out they have similar jobs.

Pitch would initially be delighted at the Harbingers, but they aren't really a group, they prefer to ironically work alone. Pitch would become annoyed and upset that the Guardians' counterparts still basically want nothing to do with him. He finds Jackson and preys upon his fears and vulnerabilities to manipulate him against the Guardians (tho he has a difficult time weaponizing him against Koz)

There's a chance the evil Manny would speak to Jack, much to Jack's shock at the awful things the man says. Otherwise, the good Manny would try and keep that guy occupied until the Guardians can figure out how to separate their universes again.