#but isnt love supposed to feel easy?
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critterofthenight · 1 year ago
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it's so scary that there isn't a narrative irl that would keep us from fucking up too bad
#2 hours from now ill be on a date with a guy#bc hes my friend and i like hanging out with him and rn im afraid that all my other friends secretly hate me#and i could say that i didnt know it was a date when he asked me out#but i did have a suspicion and i still said yes#and idk why#bc i dont think im attracted to him#im pretty sure that im a lesbian#i cant stop thinking about kissing my crush and climbing into her lap and making out with her#but before i realized that i 𝘭đ˜Ș𝘬𝘩 like her i thought i was aroace for years#what if im wrong again?#and hanging out with this guy feels so much easier than with my other friends#including my crush#bc im not afraid of his opinion about me#and i thought its bc i dont really care#but isnt love supposed to feel easy?#“like breathing”?#but also its possible that i just wanna use his affection to boost my self esteem#thats what i did will all the boys who confessed to being in love with me so far#i didnt encourage them#but i took their gifts and compliments and basked in the light of being wanted#i even thought about getting together with one of them bc i thought i could make myself fall in love with him#but i didnt wanna give up on real love so i ended up chasing him off and never talking to him again#i was cruel#i can be the worst#and thinking about kissing this guy doesnt feel right but it also doesnt make me wanna throw up yk?#and my family is so happy about this date#i dont fucking know how i feel#i dont fucking know what is the right thing to do in this situation#✩‧₊˚
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heartorbit · 4 months ago
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figure skating set right now please. thanks
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww#after work ​I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old#anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set#(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side#however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress#from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look#but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again#it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning#is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled#my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist#i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.
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bruiisedfawn · 23 days ago
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˙ . ꒷ 🍰 . đ–Šč˙—
#im currently at my sister's place. she wanted me to take care of our dog while she and my mom goes home to sort through their stuff#i have a very unpleasant headache after waking up early after no sleep. walking to the psychiatric for an appt. then having minor issues to#get here bc the train tracks were... smth?? and the train was late and idk. it ended up being painless to get here#then i went to buy groceries and then took the bus here. since i've been here once it is easier for me to navigate skskks#now im here and im happy to be with my dog :3 i havent seen him for an entire month :(((((#but it feels weird to be all alone.... i dont like it actually :// i mean if i didnt have my dog here it would be AWFUL#i dreaded a bit to take my dog outside bc she lives on the third floor and he cant walk down the narrow stairs. so i have touse the elevator#but that went fine!! its still not as easy as just opening the door and then go straight outside tho T-T!!!!#idk. i realize that im just.. a person who dont like change. i have lived in the same place my ENTIRE life. i havent moved once.#and even if it isnt as nice anymore bc um literally thousands of ppl have moved in the past couple of years... it isnt as calm at all anymor#BUT. i fkn love the environment and scenery. there are so many beautiful and pleasant places to walk. and sit. i just love and need to walk#i know every road and walkaway there.. i know which trails are calmer and nicer etc. we have parks and forests and all that#here is like just housing areas. like apartments and houses and stores and schools. and roads. roads everywhere... cant find a path without#a road next to it ://// it isnt calm at all bc there are always cars :( and um idk how im supposed to go for walks when there arent anywhere#to go. so yeah what im saying is that even if the place i live has gotten worse.. i still feel. like thats my home.#idk how to live anywhere else. and to think this might be the year i HAVE to move. i .. dont know how to adapt and settle into another place#i LOVE where i live. i love how its built and the neighborhoods and everything. i feel so so attached to that place. i know this is life etc#but since i have lived there my entire life and just now being away from it in a place that has 10% of what my home has im like.#idk it feels really bad and im just not into life at all rn. i wanna live in a place i like and just rot into it. never leave.#i dont like change... im realllyyyy homesick rn T-T esp being alone without my family sucksssss i hate it
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featherymainffins · 11 months ago
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I always get weirdly excited about left-handed characters because my mother is left-handed but the government forced her to use her right hand when she was a child and as we all know that fucks with your development badly and she has never been able to use either of her hands to their full extent form then on, so even though she does a lot of things with her left hand these days, she has to eat the way right-handed people do, for example.
And idk it always just felt nice to show my mother a left-handed character like "Hey mom this cool character is left-handed just like you : )!!!" idk I guess I've always felt like she still feels bad about being left-handed.
And anyway it's kinda weird not being able to do that anymore. I'm so used to going "Look mom this character is left-handed : D!" that I was like "Slay can't wait to tell my mother that Gortash is left-handed!" until I remembered. Like oh can't do that anymore. Forgor.
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bitegore · 2 years ago
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there's a particular way some of the more poetic writers on here will construct things, which goes something like this:
i will rip my heart out for you and hold it bleeding in the air for you all to see. you will now love me, because i have cut myself open and spilled my blood all over for you, and that makes this Real, instead of fake. The rewards for vulnerability is love which means that every word I write should sound like it's been cut out with a knife, but in a pretty, sensitive, and fundamentally hopeful and ready-to-recieve-kindness-and-love manner. This will make me recieve kindness and love.
and i don't have a lot to say about it, except that it makes me feel very, very uncomfortable. and i don't like it. all the rewards i've ever gotten for showing somewone where someone had stuck a knife in me was finding out that people are really good at twisting, even when they're trying to help pull it out.
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arolesbianism · 6 days ago
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Y'know I generally like all the sephirah core suppressions but Man I wish Binah didn't have the no pause mechanic. She was going to get it anyways later, why did she need it right next to the guy who's main meltdown mechanic involves limiting your ability to pause.
I also just feel like the fight is actually genuinely pretty fun in the way it pushes your micromanagement skills to their limits, and I feel like removing the ability to pause just makes the fight go from a fun management challenge to just kind of stupid. Maybe that's just a skill issue on my part, but still I think her suppression would be a lot less stupidly hard for no good reason and more of a fun challenge if they just removed the no pause part
#rat rambles#lobotomy posting#I genuinely love lob corp and will defend its difficulty generally speaking but I do think its boss design is a bit. messy at times.#but generally speaking they are clearly built to be some sort of balanced even if theyre meant to be hard as hell#theres few enemies in lob corp that are genuinely just plain unfair in my opinion and while I hesitate to fully call binah one of them shes#damn close at best like I dont even think that limiting your ability to pause for her fight is an inherently bad idea I just don't like it#being fully turned off like of youre going to do hokma dirty like that just go all in and give her own special pause limiting mechanic#just in general I was disappointed by binah's core supression since I actually quite enjoyed the first bit of it#and this is the guy who did the classic fight whitenight with one magic bullet agent method#my bullshit boss design tolerance is pretty damn high with this game#tbf my binah supression disappointment was not helped by her absolutely nothing burger theme#and Im the guy whos favorite core suppression theme is hods so this isnt just a it not being my taste#like I. Kind of get what its going for. maybe? but also I dont get it what is the vibe supposed to be here.#on a similar note chesed is not beating the nothing burger suppression allegations his theme is also kind of nothing#to be fair his supression gimmick does make sense and I get what they were going for#but it kind of just means that youll either breeze through his suppression with ease or get hit with a beam of fuck you#its all rng in a way that I found particularly boring#when I did it it basically just stuck on white damage the entire time which was disappointing since it mean I basically didnt have to#interact with the mechanic or even think about it at all#but the core suppression that makes me the most sad is my girl lisa. they did you so dirty why is your core suppression literally nothing.#like she feels like the most tutorialy core supression and shes the damn halfway point#otherwise I generally have positive feelings abt the core suppressions#I do think netzach's is kind of underwhelming and yesod's is comically easy but neither are major crimes in my book#yesod in particular gets a pass because its funny and also I legit got stressed as hell during his because I lost track of what meltdown I#was on at one point and was just sweating heavily unsure of how much farther I had to go#netzach doesnt have as much of a plus side for me hes just escaping the active dislike pool because its mostly just an issue of the healing#being a bit too generous for my liking and wishing it was a bit more punishing#which isnt anywhere near the worst complaint one can have with a lob corp challenge lol#Id say my favorite is probably hod's partially because I have hod bias but also just because I love the vibe of it a Lot#the mechanic is also simple but strikingly effective in the challenge it brings while not being stupid unfair
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nmakii · 1 month ago
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nagi loves when you blow up his phone. the undeniable smile that decorates his face when he sees the 18 messages you sent him.
my only 💗: SEISHIIIIIII
my only 💗: U HAVE TO PLAY THIS GAME!!!!
my only 💗: ITS CALLED MARRIED IN RED
my only 💗: JS HEAR ME OUT
my only 💗: GO BOKSU.
my only 💗: SHES SSSOOOO FINE
my only 💗: SEI IK THIS ISNT UR TYPE OF GAME
my only 💗: GAMEPLAY IS 40 MIN MAX AND MECHANICS ARE REALLY EASY SO IT MIGHT BE EZ TO A GAMER LIKE U
my only 💗: BUT
. đŸ„čđŸ„čđŸ„č
my only 💗: STORYLINE!!!!!!!
nagi snored as his phone’s screen displayed the low battery warning. he had fallen asleep after rereading some of your old chats, and his screen was left on as his hand gripped on to the phone.
my only 💗: SEIIIII
my only 💗: WHY ARE YOU SEENZONING ME 😣😣😣😣😣
nagi fell asleep after he had procrastinated a project he had two weeks to do for far too long. ah, school was such a hassle
 as he snuggled with his soft blanket, he suddenly became much more conscious, realizing the tension in his shoulders
 or how his core hurt so badly
 his whole body was sore
 waking up was such a pain

the uncomfortable feeling of it all was enough to wake nagi up from his 4 hour nap, and he quickly realizes that he fell asleep with his phone open.
now at 8%, he quickly moved to pull the charger on his bedside table closer to his bed, and connected it to his phone by the cable. now he could charge, and he could check his phone

closing the displayed warning, he sees the wave of texts you sent him. and, he can’t deny the small curl of his lips that form into a tiny smile. your spam texting had always been a highlight of his day, especially when he wakes up. at this point, he’s begun to change his daily routine to include texting you and replying to your texts before logging in and claiming his mobile game dailies.
maybe this was what it is supposed to feel like when you have a girlfriend. he’s supposed to feel this way as your boyfriend, right?
me: sry baby :x
me: i fell asleep w my phone on,,,
he waits for you to reply, not even leaving the app. he constantly exits the chat to refresh. maybe his wifi was just the problem? you’re taking forever! he misses you already, he just hopes you don’t think he was actually ghosting you.
but, when that small seed of doubt is suddenly implanted, he’s worried. why are you taking so long? are you trying to be petty and ignore him for the same amount of time? are you
 ah— you’re texting.
nagi’s mental turmoil seems to be stopped when the small subtext changes from ‘sent 4m ago’, into ‘typing
’
yay! he’s mentally rejoicing. as if that one change was his saving grace.
my only 💗: sei??? 😭😭😭
my only 💗: dont do that omg ur gonna burn a hole into ur mattress
me: ur right,,,
me: my phone is a bit hot lol
me: anyways,,, married in red ?
me: sounds a bit boring :x
my only 💗: 😩😩😩
my only 💗: u did NOT j say that
nagi smiles at his screen at how you begin to rant, as if he insulted your life and its purpose. he hates reading books— such a hassle. but, he always finds himself reading every single word of your rants— even sometimes backtracking and rereading to fully comprehend your words.
why is it that you make him put in more effort than necessary? is it because he likes making you happy? because of the way your face lights up when he mentions something you noted weeks before? maybe that was it.
but truth be told, he doesn’t really care about the reason. it’s simply something that has become a habit of his as of late. and now, he finds himself on itch.io downloading the same game you begged him to play. but, it was worth that bit of effort if it was for you

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sheepispink · 2 months ago
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Idea by @isabellaswiftie13198987
COD MASTERLIST
“This isnt a normal massage Si,” You hum, moving to practically straddle his legs as he lays face flat against the bed. What day of work wasnt long for him? He practically ended up like this more days than one and you were determined to see him a little more relaxed, even moreso that it’s the weekend tomorrow. “Oh? This a premium massage, hm?” He grunts, his head only shifting slightly to peer back at you before he lets his nose brush the duvets again. They smell of you— everything does, the towels, the couch, the bed, his clothes too. The only thing left untainted was his uniform; though now you had mercilessly pulled it off of him, perhaps that’d be infected too.
“Hm, sort of.” Slowly you graze your hands along the expanse of his back, something you’ve grown to forget the feel of. It’s warmer than you remember, rougher too with some new scratches near his waist. Even with the painfully differing colours of all of the bruises, it’s like a brand new map to explore, and to comfort him for. It cant be easy to change this often, whilst the rest of him is supposed to stay the same. So tonight, it’s your turn to re-mould him into the man you know and love—he just has to relax, and enjoy your show.
“You see, first you gotta knead the dough.” His fists clench when you start at his shoulders, pushing your fingers into the thick muscle and forcing the knots out. One hand on each shoulder, you continue, slowly moving closer and closer to his neck until finally his shoulders relax properly, the bed squeaking slightly as he lets the air take his tension. Now you move to your knuckles, dragging them down his back to the base before slowly working up. Your knuckles push and drag against his skin, occasionally stopping to really put pressure on a spot. When you reach his lower back, where his muscle is a tiny bit pudgier, your knuckles press in and tension flickers through him. “Love—“ But you’re too fast, pushing the heel of your palm into the muscle until he lets out a shaky sigh.
”Lord..”
“There was a lot of dough there, gotta knead it out.” You muse, carrying on your little journey to work out every ‘large piece of dough’ or rather the knots in each muscle until he quite literally has melted against the bed.
His arms aren't flat at his sides anymore, no he had to stretch them forward before he completely lost feel in them too. After all, your hands were way too good at getting him to this state. “You done?” He grumbles, voice noticeably softer but still a little too gruff for your liking and so you quickly shake your head, leaning down to press a kiss to the curve of his ear. “Who just has plain dough? That’s disgusting Simon.” Your cheeky remark makes him grunt again, and you snicker, grabbing some creams from the dresser. His back was dry, likely from lack of water, but definitely from lack of care. It’s not like you ever let that last too long anyway; as long as you were around he’d be a pillow princess every night.
You squeeze a dollop of moisturiser, the cold substance making him shiver but you don't take too much notice, spreading it from the top of his shoulders down to the waistband of his boxers. Your thumbs press in again, dragging across his waist to his sides and then up along his spine too. “This is freezin’, you’re trying to kill me now.”
“Hmph, fine i’ll warm you up. It’s time for the cheese anyway.”
You huff, patting his skin to maximise the absorption of the cream. But what confused him was the “cheese”. What were you going to do? It made no sense to him in the slightest, were you gonna just punch him or something?
He feels the first touch, dangerously light against his neck, and then it grows warmer and warmer as it grows lower. Your warm breath fans against his back, soft touches of love left against every inch of his spine. Your hands hold his waist, affectionately grabbing his muscle as you continue your path. His bruises get all the more pecks, making him twitch again, almost squirmish, but he can't swat you away when you just feel so, so good. Carefully your nails drag against his skin, definitely not enough to hurt but enough to make him shift beneath you, eyes flittering against the bed. “Don’t think there’s enough cheese, Sweet’art. You know I like extra.”
You giggle, happy he’s finally going along with your plan and you nod along, returning to his shoulders to leave your mark there too, kissing and scratching the skin in a way that makes way too many sighs leave his mouth.
“Mm
 we're all done?” He can only mumble now, eyes drooped and likely about to fall asleep if not for the fact that he does not want to let this end, ever. “Pepperoni first— they’re frozen, sorry.” This time the touch is icy cold, but it quickly fades out to a numbing feeling. You have icy hot gel in your hands, which you rub into the bruise, making a circle on each one that litters his back. His fists unravel now, slowly gripping the pillows above instead. It’s almost adorable how easily he gets all mushy from your touch, just a simple massage. “Uh huh.. and what now?”
“Baking time.” You lean down more on his back, the warmth of your body invading his. Slowly you blow across his back, and he can't help but squirm a little, the feeling ticklish but comforting nonetheless when he feels your legs against his. When he feels your arms wrap around his middle, and your legs properly encase him, he doesn't even bother to raise a brow, instead using the last of his strength to turn himself over and pull you in properly. “We need all the warmth we can get for the best pizza.”
He murmurs into your ear, giant arms clutching around your body and swallowing you whole with his presence. He pulls the covers firmly over the both of you, entangles your legs and buries his face deep in your neck. “A shame really, you smell like a real meal, love.” You can only giggle and kiss his neck again, making sure your arms are wrapped as tights as his are. “Baking time lasts the whole night, didnt you know?”
“Well if you’re the oven, then i gotta make sure you’re the right temperature too.” His lips shut you up before you can respond, eyes all drooped and exhausted. Seems the pizza was perfectly made today.
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jackass-jones · 10 months ago
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I’m getting kinda feral about Ryuki today so I wanna bring up something else
Since the entire Ryuki side of the story is pretty much just everything he tells Mizuki about what happened 6 years ago, this begs the question: is his summary including the parts that are from the future, or is this just a writing error?
It’d make sense if it was just an error like. First off if Ryuki could see the future that’d be a whole mess, plus the future he’s seeing here isn’t even in the right timeline, it’s all what happens on the B side. Plus, the whole twist of not knowing what the proper timeline is is already a pretty iffy twist because it’s only a twist to the player, not to the characters. Since it’s kinda flimsy to begin with, I can see how the writers could’ve just completely fucking forgotten to fix the Ryuki side to make sense with this twist. They kinda forgot about Ryuki a lot in the second half of the game after all and a lot of the writing around him is messy as hell so I can believe it
But, let’s pretend this all WAS intentional, that Ryuki DID include information about the future in his story to Mizuki. This would go perfectly with the idea that Ryuki is a frayer and that he’s being haunted by knowledge from the past and future and is incapable of distinguishing the two. It’s already true that Ryuki has trouble telling what year it is (during the practice launch on the Mizuki side we see Ryuki in a trance waiting for Shoma to get off the ferris wheel even though that’s an event that happened 6 years ago, Ryuki makes constant references to Date being disappointed in him,etc) so it’d make sense if he got his wires majorly crossed when telling Mizuki what he remembers about the case from 6 years ago. If this is the case, then Ryuki’s powers can extend across not just past and future, but also multiple timelines
It’s not like Ryuki is the only one with this power. Date remembers when he was hospitalized in the Mizuki route during the true ending and gets confused about why he’s remembering things that never happened. Mizuki is able to remember Jin being referred to as the almighty despite her not hearing about it in that timeline. But it is interesting that Ryuki is the only one who seems to be plagued by his knowledge. The other two protagonists will be just kinda weirded out by their ability to know things that didn’t happen, but they recover pretty quickly. Ryuki though, he doesn’t know what timeline he’s in and he’s constantly speaking and thinking in riddles and drowning himself in liquor to forget everything and is only able to function in the A side BECAUSE the somnium failed and he wasn’t able to remember tearer’s true identity
Basically Ryuki cursed with evil timeline powers and it makes me wonder if he’s an unreliable narrator on purpose or on accident and honestly, I don’t know if I wanna know
Had an epiphany last night and I haven’t seen anyone talk about this (maybe because it could be just so obvious no one felt the need to but shhh) but look here at the veeeery beginning of the aini flowchart
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We got the Ryuki somnium as the first split and as we know, this split happens based on whether or not you (or ryuki in this case) know the name of Tearer. You can only get the Mizuki side of the story if you have played the Ryuki side and have heard Tearer’s name. The somnium will also be much more complex and dangerous
So essentially on the B side, the psync is unsuccessful. Mizuki doesn’t really help Ryuki, and she barely learns anything about the hb case. Ryuki is left in the same mentally unstable state he was before, and he can’t hold a conversation without babbling and laughing maniacally. This leaves Mizuki to do her investigation without any of the past help at all, which is how the true route of the story is supposed to go
This isn’t anything new, we know this. What I do wanna revisit is the A side, where Ryuki doesn’t remember Tearer. The psync is actually successful and the results are significantly different than the B side. Ryuki sobers up and is able to tell Mizuki everything that happened to him 6 years ago. So basically the Ryuki route (the parts from 6 years ago) is everything that he’s telling to Mizuki
This means that there’s a whole separate version of the story in this timeline where Mizuki learns everything about the past, including what happened to Date. And what’s getting me feral about this is. How did the investigation proceed afterwards??? Did the two of them work together to finish the case? Did Mizuki get a chance to mourn Date? Did she lash out at Ryuki? Did Ryuki even mention his involvement with Tearer or Bibi’s existence at all? How would everything had changed if they worked together?
IM GOING INSANE I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE A SIDE TIMELINE DAMMIT-
#aitsf#I AM BEING PLAGUED WITH THEORIES ABOUT MY MAN RYUKI AAAAAAAAA GOD#my theory here is that okay i fully think this was a writing error the whole inconsistency shit like i fully think the writers forgot that#the entire ryuki side is supposed to be everything that ryuki is choosing to tell mizuki because this isnt the only plot hole#its hard to explain this but theres another big one that happens in the final branch where basically the 2nd chapel and shoma and mames#relationship is revealed to mizuki date twice in the same timeline its really funny#BUT despite the fact that this seems to be an error i think the frayer shit is still completely true so its an error that kinda works out#i think the reason ryukis powers are so busted is because hes got the tc perge shit so the disease basically makes people see all across#time and makes them unable to function properly and lose their grip on reality#which is fine and all but lol gotta say i love the idea that ryuki just. is busted for no apparent reason cuz aaaa i do kinda have beef with#the plot point of ryuki secretly having the virus the whole time cuz its kinda a cop out and also like#he literally has hallucinations before hes even infected so it feels kinda pointless at that point#plus like its perfectly easy to believe that someone as traumatized as ryuki would simply just be horrible mentally unstable so i don’t like#how they gave him perge cuz it feels like an easy fix to his problems and thats lame to me like i mean they say some shit like#‘oh ryuki was mentally ill before he was infected’ but there is still just this implication that hes fixed now which is. ooooof#but anyways yeah i realized this instead of sleeping last night and im like YESSSSSSS cuz it works so nicely with my aini revisions#a project that ive put completely on hold so i could work on the shinji project but hnnnghh im like feral rn cuz MAN I LOVE RYUKI#and im realizing the problem with ryuki is that hes literally an akane but hes forced to be a junpei alsjks#specifically a ztd Junpei đŸ˜©#please read this post guys im so passionate đŸ„ș💙💙
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red-doll-face · 1 month ago
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lowhonor arthur who's just obsessed with u. . . đŸ˜”â€đŸ’«
DOLLLYYY thank you for this wonderful request i was so excited to see a req from you in my inbox queen 😭😭😭 I LOVE YOU !!! đŸ’–đŸ’–đŸ˜ŠđŸ˜ŠđŸ„°đŸ„°also thank you again for the one you wrote for me !! đŸ„čđŸ„č I tried really hard on this and im actually super proud of how it came out, I had my bf who is a lh arthur player weigh in on some dialogue sooooo i finally have a lh arthur committee to fall back on LMAO I hope you like it !! tysm for reading and any feedback makes me 😊😊😊 also made it a bit long as always w me ... Warnings: Arthur is a meanie , low honor arthur as a warning. like hes a jerk but what were we expecting?? however complete weenie for you like hes down bad. also sad arthur like he has his issues where he thinks he isnt a stud?? like i need a bucket of his nut rn sorryyyy
In Arthur's opinion, you only deserve joy and nothing less.
low honor Arthur Morgan x fem. reader
Do you have to be so goddamn distracting? He swears your giggle is the loudest of the girls, when they’re no doubt filling each other in about the latest camp affairs. He has to look over from where he was brushing his horse's glossy coat in the blazing sun. The grumpy shire gets annoyed at the loss of contact, turning to mouth at Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur's hand is squeezing the brush, as to make all the blood rush away from his knuckles. You sit there with Karen on the chairs outside the girl’s tent, whispering in her ear, before laughing again. The prettiest thing, your hair bouncing and your hand rising to your chest. Karen nudges your shoulder. And she turns to see him staring. The glare she sends his way isn’t all too unexpected. 
But then Karen whispers to you as well. Her eyes flick over to where he’s standing. He looks away before the inevitable. Your eyes on him, curious, searching over him. He hates how that idea makes him feel, being perceived by you. Arthur wonders what you think. Some sad sap eyeing a young lady such as you. He looks down at his dirty shirt, the smell of horse flesh and hair clinging to him. You probably think he’s repulsive to look at. His brows draw together, his jaw gets tight. You must think he’s horrible, like Karen does. Cruel and awful. You wouldn’t be wrong. And he knows he shouldn’t do any of the things he thinks about doing but his impulses can be hard to control. The anxiety makes him almost nauseous. Heat brewing, his chest feeling tighter than he’d like; than he’d ever admit to a living soul. But his journal later tonight is another thing. He stuffs the horse brush back into his saddle bag. Why couldn’t he just ignore you? Push you from his mind, keep you from having any sort of affect on him? He’s not too sure. 
Maybe it’s the way you catch his eye whenever you walk past, your skirt brushing against his leg. He knows you’re a real sweet thing. He loathed to see Ms. Grimshaw bring you to tears over your inability to perform to her standards. He had been all too eager to get some sort of odd revenge for you, being sure to dig in deep with remarks, his words feeling more barbed than usual. Being an attack dog he supposed, came all too easy. Not that you noticed particularly but it's more for his pride than anything else.  
When he turns, you’re still looking, tilting your head. The expression on your face falters when you see him looking, your cute little lips parting before you avert your eyes, not even bothering to keep your head from facing towards him. You look nervous too. He imagines it’s because you might think about him just as much as he does of you. That at night, you might think of your girlish fantasies, ones where he holds your hand or gives you a smile, meant just for your eyes. Nothing so depraved as his own visions. But he knows you most likely don't think much of him at all. He huffs, scratching at his beard. He needs a smoke and maybe a drink, just to take a bit of the weight off of his chest at just the thought of you. 
After dinner, you sit with Lenny. He tells you something that makes you laugh again. He seethes, it’s not him getting them from you but it’s still sends a shiver through him. He could swear he gets goosebumps. Your laugh is prettier than any of that droning music Dutch plays from his scratchy gramophone. Beautiful really. If he could keep your laugh to himself, he would. Would listen to it over and over. Would tell every joke he has. Hell, even the dirty ones. Instead, he’s listening to Bill ramble about how he doesn’t appreciate the folk around here thinking he’s as dumb as a donkey. 
“It ain’t for no reason people think you’re a dumbass, Bill. It’s because you are. Kinda smell like a donkey too,” Arthur drawls, his natural inclination to getting under people’s skin only spiking at the sight of you smiling at Lenny. Fuckin’ kid. Arthur’s got nothing against him, only that he’s making you laugh. In another life, maybe he had that kind of easy and casual energy you liked, relaxed and amusing even. But he doesn’t, as evidenced by Bill’s blustering. He had tuned the first half of it out (focused on your lips, the roundness of your cheeks) but Bill is trying to sputter out a response as half as scathing as his own. Bill’s angry look only makes Arthur give his arrogant smile. 
“And who asked you, Arthur?” The moron’s whiny voice only serves to annoy Arthur and cover up another one of your intoxicating giggles. Your joy was something to behold and Bill’s petulance is nothing special.
“You’re makin’ everyone dumber just by talkin’, why don’t you just shut your goddamn mouth?” Arthur shoots a nasty look at the other man until he turns red. John tells Bill to let it go. Arthur had pushed it too far but he doesn’t give even half a shit. Arthur dusts his thigh off before taking a sip from the bottle of whiskey gone warm in his palm. When you’re still talking to Lenny, he stands, forgetting the bottle on an errant crate. He approaches, trying to catch snippets of your conversation. 
“-how come you like that game so much? Doesn’t it hurt when you mess up?” 
“Well, I just don’t mess up and when I do, I take it on the chin. Don’t think I’d be any good otherwise,” 
Your light laugh at Lenny's words makes him boil inside. Your bright simper; looking up at Lenny while the younger man stands, straight and as tall as he can. Proud smile, as if he can tell he’s impressed you. It all crumbles when Arthur comes near enough to be noticed. A stiff greeting falls from Lenny’s mouth, you look over your shoulder. Unsure how to respond. Arthur clings to his control, avoiding the glance that he wants to take of you. His restraint holds fast when he wants it to. 
“Damn near cut your finger off the last time, wouldn’t be so sure,” he pokes at Lenny’s ego, goading him. Keeping his voice mellow enough as to be construed as playful but he can’t hide his harshness. Lenny doesn’t take his bait. 
“Whatever, Arthur. You ain’t exactly the expert, neither,” You look between the two, a small nervous look flickering in your gaze. Arthur smiles, unfazed by Lenny’s snappy return. He knows how intimidating he can be; can see how Lenny’s resolve breaks just a little. He’s got courage, a smart kid. Quick, too. But he’s too young to have the authority Arthur carries, maybe one day but not now. 
“Go on n’ play your games, you could always use more practice,” Lenny glares but looks at you. It only makes Arthur cross his arms over his chest. As if you need protection from him, should he taint you by standing too close. You nod, telling Lenny to have a good evening. In that sweet voice, so kind. Once Lenny is sure you think you’ll be fine, he has an exasperated sigh before he goes off. 
“Arthur
” Is the reluctant response you have. Being alone with him obviously makes you fidget, makes your fingers scrunch in the fabric of your skirts. He likes your tongue forming his name, you almost whisper it, he can hardly hear it over the chatter of the other people around you. What a brave girl, putting up with him all by yourself. 
“How-how are you?” you’re on the verge of making a frown but you hold your airy smile upwards. Afraid he’ll try to point out any flaw. You don’t understand why he does the things he does, his reputation proceeds him. But the issue is, Arthur doesn’t have any flaws to point out with you. You’re almost too good for this den of thieves you live amongst. Almost. If you were, then he wouldn't get to see you every day. Perhaps you were just another unfortunate person with nowhere else to go but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s always been greedy like that. He looked forward to waking up, if only to catch glimpses of you doing your chores or reading books in the sun. It takes him a bit too long to answer, adjusting his hat, his own nerves a bit pushed at his proximity to you. Just breathing the same air as you puts him in a better mood. He stares into your eyes, trying to evoke a reaction from you. They glimmer, warm fire light caressing the softness of you. 
“Alright, I guess,” whatever quickness his tongue has is diminished. Playing nice isn’t his strong suit. Fumbling through a decent conversation with you might be nice though. The more you let him stay around you without walking away with a huff like Lenny did, the better. He won’t admit your presence has him softening a little. “What’re you up to?” He’s only a little embarrassed at how stupid that question sounds. 
“Well, I was talking to Lenny but
”  your glance in the direction Lenny walked off to makes him tighten his fist. He puts his hands on his belt, leaning his weight on one leg. “Now, I’m talking to you,” When your glances brush over him, he can feel it as if you touched him, he can’t help the way his stomach drops a few inches lower. Get a hold of yourself, you damn fool.
He can tell you didn’t know quite what to say. Doesn’t matter, he could listen to just about anything you have to say to the placating rhythm of the evening, the chirp of crickets, the wind in the trees. 
“That so?” Idiot is his first thought. But the smile that breaks on your face; it's worth the humiliation curdling somewhere in him. Your shy nod, the shift in you, moved by him. He doesn't care if he’s assigning meaning where there isn’t any. He digs for more, looking for signs, imagined or not. Unconsciously, he drifts closer to where you sit on a rickety wooden chair.
“I think so. I don’t know, we don’t talk very often,” your voice is a precious sound. And so is the flutter of your eyelashes when you blink. Slow; now that you’ve let your guard down just a little. He watches intently, every movement you make.
“Damn shame, darlin’,” it is a shame. He figured he didn’t stand a chance but he can’t keep you from having a hold over him. Even when he isn’t here, his thoughts wander towards you. But now he looks for even a grain of affection in your eyes. He gathers more meaning from your words, the rising tone at the end of your sentence makes him think that you would like to talk to him more. He knows he’s deluding himself but he can kid himself just a little. His boot scrapes the dirt, ducking his eyes under the black brim of his hat. Just maybe, you’d engage him in more than an unnerved glance or a two word greeting.
At the name he calls you, your eyes widen just a bit, tilting your head, showing him your neck. Bad idea. He drinks in the sight. Is he disgusting for wanting to taste it? The skin of your neck, warm with your blood? The flattered and flustered raise of your fingers to your lips is exactly what he had wanted, he hadn’t known it but god, does it send satisfaction ringing throughout him; seeing the effect of him on you. 
“Have I been missing out on something, Arthur?” Your tone is playful, but still reserved. Coming out of your shell now that he is reining in whatever drives him to push other people away with his harshness and his affronting demeanor. Just barely. 
“Not really. Think it’s me; missin’ out on ya,” Lucky you, this is about as personable as Arthur can really get. But you seem to enjoy it. Your pretty smile and a hum that rivals the soothing nature of a cat’s purr; say so. He thinks of your contented murmur; how it would feel on his lips should you grace him with a kiss of yours. “Ain’t much for talkin’...” 
“That’s not what I hear,” It is perhaps out of your mouth before you can think on it. Impulsive, just like him.
“And what have you heard?” it comes out more serious than he wants it to. More threatening. But he forces his posture to relax. As difficult as that is. You don’t flinch too much at least. Just lean back slightly. 
“Well, I hear that
I’m not sure I should say..” The little reluctance you show is drawing him in. You're an angel, biting your thumb nail because of your nerves. Afraid to get someone in trouble. He crosses his arms over his chest again, leans against the nearest surface, a stationary wagon side. 
“Jus’ tell me what they said, girl,” the way you follow his somewhat gentle command is more alluring than he should find it. Most people followed his direction without much question but it is something special when you look up at him, when you do as he says. Does something funny to his head. Mixes things up, stirring up his insides like Pearson’s godforsaken stew. 
“They said-said you’re good with words. But you don’t always mean it. Those mean things you say,” you play with your hands, picking at the skin on your nails. 
“Oh, I mean it. A lot of the time anyway. Why, I say somethin’ mean to you, princess?” At first you think you’ve activated whatever deep seated need Arthur has to make people dislike him. Your worried and panicked expression puts pressure on his chest. He doesn’t ever want you to look at him like that, not for real. Anything outside his idea of play just wouldn’t do. All he wants is that relaxed gesture of happiness you showed him. You shake your head; overexcited, but he speaks before you can muster a frightened response. He hadn’t said anything too bad with you, of that he’s sure but it can't hurt; offering you comfort. Arthur Morgan and comforting don’t often go in the same sentence. Despite his prickly reputation he gives you an easy grin, trying to keep his pride from turning it into a crooked smirk. Something he thought you might like, as he imagined you would.
“Cause I’m sure I didn’t mean it. Not with you,” He loves how quiet you get, pacified by his words. And that smile comes back; makes you look just fine. 
thank you so much for reading!! i really am so grateful for the support i receive from this community. like i love yall smmmm !!đŸ„ș😭💖first time messing around in Arthur’s pov a lil so pls lmk any thots đŸ„°đŸ„°đŸ«¶
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gamblersdoll · 5 months ago
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𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐒?
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ghostface! todoroki who plays out your sick fantasy.
mask kink, p in v, finger sucking, nipple sucking, fear tactic.
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“are you sure you want to do this?” todoroki questions, a stoic but somewhat worry on his face. “what if something goes left and i hurt you?”
“you wont hurt me, baby.”
“what if you forget that we are doing something like this and you freak out?” he presses, fidgeting with his fingertips and avoiding eye contact.
“baby, if youre worried so much we dont have to do this.” you remind, kissing his cheek and a small smile. “i wont force you to do anything you dont want to do.”
“yeah, but i wanna make you happy, thats what im supposed to do.” he sighs,rolling his eyes at himself.
“and you are either way it goes.” you scratch his head, a soft groan from his throat as you dig your nails into him. “ill be happy and love you either way this goes.”
“okay,” he nods, tilting your head up and kissing your lips. “gotta go to the store for dinner, feeling like soba tonight.” he says, standing up and holding you for a minute. “love you.”
“i love you too.”
you eventually hear the downstairs front door close and lock, sleep taking over your body and you fluttering your eyes shut into a resting place and feeling your body start to drift away.
but, maybe an hour later, something does wake you up. a sound of something ruffling around, could be birds in the attic or maybe another fucking squirrel got into the dryer again. but, your sleepy brain not working right, you pull yourself out of bed and look at the time.
‘ten forty three.’
shoto isnt home yet?
walking downstairs, you turn the dryer light on, there wasnt any chipmunks or squirrels in there. and yet, you still hear noise from somewhere.
‘click!— front door open.’
your heart races a bit, looking over to the door to see what apparently is a man in all black, with a ghostface mask and he just stands there. you chuckle, rolling your eyes. “okay, shoto, you actually want to do this?”
no movement, just the man you think is your todoroki standing in place.
“helloooo?” you snap your fingers in his face, still no movements from the masked man, but scoff and fold your arms. “shoto, again if you dont want to do this—“
finally, the man who wasnt speaking, pulls out a small amount of rope. which was weird, todoroki doesnt really like ropes,being the fact it’s easy to get rope burn. you feel the hairs on the back of your neck raise, your overthinking starting to save you. “are you not todoroki..?”
he shakes his head no, putting up five fingers.. and your legs do all the running on their own. he wasnt chasing you, no. but it still is fucking creepy.
that damn boy probably left the door unlocked!
you lock the door to the bedroom, scrambling to find your phone. you unlock it, dialing the number to his phone, and it picks up.
“todoroki— someone broke into—“
“no todoroki shoto here, little girl.” the other line says, making your heart drop and tremble within fear of somebody, something hurt him and was doing the same with you. “do you like scary movies?”
oh, thats how this fuck wants to do things? textbook definition?
you swallow thick, feeling rage and yet fear within your bones. “adore them.” you spit, peering out the window curtains.
“okay, lets play a little game then.”
“whats the name of that one big killer in silent hill?” the line asks, waiting on your response.
“pyramid head.” you confidently reply, getting a satisfactory chuckle. “if youre going to kill me, give me better questions so it means something.”
“ohh, youre so mean, what about your poor shoto?” he asks, a coo behind his words. “if you get all of them right, ill tell you where he is.”
you chew on your nails, anxiety pulling over you. you grunt, an approval of his mind games with you. “okay then, who was the first killer in scream?”
that almost threw you off, but you knew who it was. “there wasnt just one killer for that first girl.. casey was her name.”
“oh? mind to share with me and shoto?” he asks, you have to hold your tongue to try and not sacrifice his life on accident.
“billy called the girls phone, stu killed the boyfriend, billy killed the girl.” you say, knowing that you’re right about all of it, it was simple really.
“oh, what makes you so sure? how can you tell?” he asks again, curiously trying to see if you would second guess yourself. anyone would, especially in the scream movies. but you werent stupid, you watched enough of those movies to realize that mistake.
“billy was more fueled by rage and revenge, causing his movements to act erratically, stu was just there with him.”
“bingo! next question..” he cheers, a pause in the line. “in the paranormal realm, was it the conjuring that goes first, or annabelle?”
“annabelle, then conjuring.” you say, hearing a dissatisfied voice. “what?”
“are you sure about that? thats what you want to go with?” he asks, was this his trick again or were you wrong..?
“thats how they go, it wouldnt make sense if they were reversed.” you shout, hearing a small chuckle.
“you lose.” he says, the line ending and hands grab at your shoulders, a scream coming from your throat as you thrash and writhe in his hands.
he kneels down on your forearms, wrapping the rope around your body and hands as you still struggle. he was bigger than you, your legs and knees only able to kick air and some small parts of his back. you try to pry your way out of the rope’s confines, his hands starting to paw and push up at your clothes and your heart drops.
is this how it’s supposed to be? your boyfriend supposedly dead and you get the short end of the stick?
you look away, not bothering to watch yourself be ruthlessly taken by a masked killer who just happens to also be a fucking creep. you feel his hands on your body, warm but cold hands on your stomach.
warm and cold ?
his lips attach to your nipple, you jumping from the temperatures in his mouth. he mustve eaten something cold or something. or, maybe he had taken some kind of medication that makes him cold?
he swirls his tongue, his breath being pushed onto your skin, and the temperature of his breath is colder—
fucking todoroki, its been him this whole time.
your nerves relax all the way, getting the best confirmation of your lover being the one who has you in his reigns, his mouth on your nipple, and the one who is pulling his cock from his pants.
you wouldve thought it was someone else, since he shaved his shit apparently. he hears you chuckle, looking up at you. you try to bite back another, just imagining a ghostface mask staring up at you while positioning themselves against you— meanwhile knowing their identity.
“please dont kill me mr. ghostface, i wanna be in the sequel.” you feign fear, feeling his hands push you into the ground deeper and feeling his cock slip in, moaning about it. your clit jumps for a second, twitching from the cut pubes prickling against it for only seconds at a time.
the masked man kneels, pulling your body back and forth along his length as he hears your yelps and moans, them being elongated. the mans’ gloved fingers find their way into your mouth, you sticking your tongue out as he thrusts his fingers down and out your throat. his glove gets wet, soaked with your spit and you gag slightly when he has you throat his fingers.
his pace gets meaner, too honestly. his hips smacking against your rear and his other hand holds the ropes on your back, steadying himself and you. deep breathing can be heard through the mask, sometimes feeling the air become a little warmer but then colder. wet squelching and slaps of skin reverberated through the room, some of your hair becoming disheveled and ass becoming sore and red.
your moans becoming whiny, a light drenching of your essence and creamy rings along his cock as you curl your toes, “fuck—hah!”
the masked man breathes deeper as well, his hips slowing down as he stills inside of you. you feel his own ejaculation inside of you, making your folds slicker than any lubricant ever. the masked man lays you down, untying your restraints and pulling his mask off.
tuffs of red and white hair show themselves, and a worried shoto. “are.. are you okay—“
you bonk the top of his head, hearing a ‘ow’ after that. “what the hell, todoroki!” you squeal, shaking his arms. “what kind of idea was that?!”
“well.. you said that you wanted to try something new..” he says, his own hands on your shoulders shaking them.
“i know that much— but you scared the fuck outta me!”
“sorry.. how did you figure out it was me?” he asks, confused and worried eyes that stare and burn into yours. “was it that noticeable?”
“your palms are two different temperatures, and your mouth was cold.” you point out, pulling your shirt down and rubbing your wrists. “i almost didnt, because of the rope and the phone call— hold the fuck on, who answered the phone then?”
“uh.. midoriya?”
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a knock comes to your front door, its about eleven twenty four at night. especially after tonight, todoroki walks you to the door, just in case you were still worried about anything. you weren’t worried in the slightest.
you unlock and open the door, green patches of hair the first thing you see. “uhm— hi there.” he says, the freckled boy rubbing the back of his head and a nervous chuckle.
“hi there, ghostface.” you say, both men tensing up and you fold your arms.
“well!—“ he starts, nervous and scrambling for an answer. “in my defense! todoroki cane to me about it and i wasnt trying to scare you too bad! i hope i didnt..”
“both of you did, so both of you can get beat up.” you say, watching izuku hand todoroki’s phone back. “but.. i guess i give credit when its due.”
“i hope i didnt cause any trouble..”
“you didnt, but its getting late.” you remind, the three of you saying goodbyes and a thought comes to you. you turn to tell izuku, “izu!”
he turns back and responds with a distant ‘yeah?’ wide eyes and a smile.
“annabelle comes before the conjuring, take more notes!”
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andy-wm · 7 months ago
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So...Who then?
A BRIEF SYNOPSIS of WHO:
Jimin is searching for the girl he thinks is out there for him (one who he can give the world and more to). He can't understand why he hasn't found her. Who is his heart waiting for?
Clue: it's the person who literally falls into his path. This is the ONLY person for him - everyone else has walked away.
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I have to confess... I didn't hear WHO as more than a generic pop song the first couple of times i listened. I was in my car driving home from work when i first listened, and then bustling around with domestic stuff as i listened a second time.
Its very unusual for me to be so casual and negligent with first listens but my head wasn't in the game. I didn't want to push it.
So I consciously put it aside until i could give it the attention it deserves.
I want to clearly state that if WHO was purely a fun and impersonal pop song i wouldn't be judging the song or Jimin for that. It's got a catchy tune and i enjoyed it, and I'm not expecting everything Jimin creates to speak to me personally.
Some things are just for fun and that's okay.
But I think there more to this song...
As with much of Jimin’s work, what seems simple on the surface is more complex when you dig a little deeper...
I watched the mv with the lyrics onscreen and my impression is forming (It's still basically a first impression though so i probably missed things)
What i notice, reading the lyrics as i listen, is that it's not the love song i first thought it was.
It's not a love song at all.
This song is all about about Jimin
and it's full of questions...
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She's always on his mind, this woman he has yet to find. He thinks about her every day.
He's not telling us his standards are too high, or all the girls he likes are unavailable, or he never goes out to meet people.
He's telling us he's been searching but he hasn't even MET her yet.
Hes telling us he doesn't know why he hasn't found her.
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((Why the insistence that it has to be a 'her'?
That's easy:
Anyone who was raised in a hereronormative environment is going to go through life thinking they will find love with the opposite sex. It's the default expectation. Everything in society tells us this from advertising, to entertainment, to the government. For a lot of gay or queer people, you expect that to happen. You kiss a lot of girls or boys and you expect to feel that spark (shoutout to the enbys who nobody can see).
And the spark just isnt there, so you keep looking. You search for that one individual who will make you feel the way you're *supposed* to feel.
The lyrics of this song are basically saying exactly this.
If you believe - as i do - that Jimin struggled with his identity and that he didn't recognise his love for JK as ROMANTIC love until JK started returning his affection, then it makes sense that he believed he would (or should) fall in love with a girl.
And look, he dances with ALL the girls. He has a red hot go at this. He really tries, but nothing sticks.))
Now back to the song...
He tells us that he goes out and meets a lot of people:
But he still doesn't know who she might be.
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HE'S NEVER MET HER...
"We've never met" he says it twice in succession. So he hasnt even met a girl he thinks COULD be the one?
đŸ€”
Can i take a guess?
MAYBE THERE'S A CLUE HERE:
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"Who is my heart waiting for," sings Jimin as a BILLBOARD falls from the sky.
Its "crash landing on you" but figuratively, not literally.
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The face on the billboard looks very familiar đŸ€”
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And also...
KEEP GOING>> says the billboard.
When asked in an AMA what he would say to his debut self, Jimin said "You nice. Keep going."
We know how tough things were in the lead up to debut, especially for Jimin. He nearly lost his place in the group several times. And it's no secret that as a group they struggled to be taken seriously by the industry.
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But wait... what else does the billboard say?
W H O
Not 'WHO?' but WHO
It's a statement, not a question.
If you're looking for a sign, this is it.
THIS IS LITERALLY A SIGN
Dont forget that this billboard/person crashes into his life - falls directly in his path - when hes alone out there.
There's nobody there but Jimin.
And for Jimin, there is nobody else
đŸ°đŸ„
ETA: Here's the next part of my response to 'WHO'. This post looks at the MV Specifically.
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honeytonedhottie · 8 months ago
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how 2 stop a manifestation spiral⋆.àłƒàż”*:ïœ„đŸ—’ïž
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feeling doubtful or stressed when manifesting is normal because they are human emotions and we are human. its normal to get triggered by things in the 3D.
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with practice, things in the 3D won't trigger you to the point where u start to spiral because you will be a seasoned manifestor. lets talk about it...💬🎀
AFFIRMING ;
when u feel urself starting to get triggered or u fear that u might begin to spiral. start affirming. if u find that you can't focus enough to affirm then i recommend affirming out loud.
affirming out loud is helpful because if ur saying it with your words u can't think something different. so affirm out loud and ease into affirming in ur head to remind urself of what yk to be true. affirming kills wavering! affirming kills doubt! so keep on affirming until the wavering, spiraling and doubt end.
REVERSE UR THOUGHT PROCESS ;
if ur starting to get intrusive thoughts (which everyone has and its totally normal) but if ur intrusive thoughts are super persistent and u feel like u can't control it, reverse ur thought process. for example...
lets say ur manifesting something and your thinking "this'll never happen because _" then ask why? and continue to ask why until u can't think of a reason. doing so debunks ur limiting beliefs and shuts up ur intrusive thoughts.
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HOT TIP ; when the 3D is all up in my face, i just shut it down completely by affirming "idgaf what the 3D says, ik i have (insert desire)" and then i feel relieved because ik its true...💬🎀
TAKE A DEEP BREATH ;
take a deep breath and breathe. remember that manifestation isnt supposed to feel like a chore and its easy, natural, and so much fun. dont lose sight of that because thats how we become stressed and end up not enjoying manifestation.
FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS ;
cry, take a day off, whine but do NOT wallow. i keep a loa tough love rant in my notion for after im done feeling my feelings to put me back in check. but do not bottle up ur feelings when u manifest. feel it and then move on.
because at the end of the day wavering is such a waste of time because you know that this is ur reality, u know that the world is ur oyster and reality is ur playground. the law has no choice but to work.
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pedrosgrogu · 3 months ago
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Born Too Late - Chapter 10
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pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak
Warnings: MDNI!! slight dubcon, hate sex (unprotected, dont be silly, wrap ur willy), rough, degrading, no aftercare, mean!joel, possessive!joel, crying after sex, overstim, drunk dom joel, alcohol consumption, cheater cheater pumpkin eater joel, please let me know if i forgot something.
Summary: Thanksgiving at the Millers was supposed to be an easy-going afternoon. Shit goes South very quickly once Joels girlfriend opens her mouth. After the tenseness of the evening, Joel decides its time to set things straight. (3.4k+)
a/n: im so scared. this is the craziest and longest shit i have ever written but i LOVE it. i hope you all love it as much as i do. <3 i welcome any and all feedback, it keeps me writing :3 xoxox
Chapter 9 - Chapter 11 - Masterlist
You walk up to the door and debate on just walking it. You decide against it considering the circumstances. You knock lightly and after a few seconds, Tommy opens the door. “Hey pretty girl.” He says. You notice his eye, swollen and bruised. You give him a “what the fuck happened?” look and open your mouth to actually ask, but he shakes his head no before the words come out. You nod in understanding and head to the kitchen. Sarah is on the couch watching TV, and Joel is out back with the smoker. You set the casserole dish on the island and say hi to Sarah. She waves but is very invested in the latest episode of Hannah Montana. You walk over to the fridge and grab a beer, popping the cap over the sink. You look out the window and your eyes meet Joels. His facial expression and eyes say so much, but nothing at all. You miss looking into them. You smile and wave but he looks back down. You turn around, chuckling. “This afternoon is gonna be fucking great.” you say to yourself, shaking your head and taking a large gulp of your drink. Tommy comes into the kitchen and you stare at his eye. Wondering if that happened once he got home yesterday. Wondering if that happened because of you. “Tommy?” you say quietly. “Hm?” he looks up at you. “What happened?” you say, rubbing his face gently. “Nothing you need to be concerned about sweetheart. I promise Im alright.” he says, smiling. You hear the patio door slide open and quickly remove your hand from Tommys face, you fear what would happen to him if Joel saw. “Don't stop on account of me.” he grunts, staring through you. 
“Foods done. Sarah, set the table. Theres five of us.” “Five?” you say, louder than you mean to. “Did I stutter? Five. You, Tommy, Sarah, Me, and Celeste.” You stomach churns. “Excuse me.” You whisper, tears falling from your eyes. You run to the bathroom, anticipating the churning in your stomach to turn into actual vomit. This time, no one chases you. You hear Sarah setting the table, Tommy helping her, and Joel answering the door. Then you hear her. Celeste. “Hi sweetie! Im Celeste. You must be Sarah. Im a friend of your dads.” she says. You wanted so badly for her voice to be anything but what it was. Its smooth like honey, and her accent is the same as Joel and Tommys. Southern with a touch of twang. You grab a tissue to dab your makeup. Trying to fix the smudging from your obvious crying. Once you feel that you’re as put together as you can be, you exit. Today, Celestes hair is long and straight. Shes wearing a cream cashmere sweater, black leather leggings, and oxblood colored flats. You plaster a smile on your face and walk toward her, you open your mouth to speak but she beats you to it. “Hi, Im Celeste. You must be Tommys new girlfriend.” she spits, her eyes cutting daggers at you. You look at Sarah, who thank god isnt paying attention. “Well, n-” and Tommy interrupts you “Yes! This is her!”. If looks could kill, Joel would have Tommy dead six ways to Sunday. She rolls her eyes, walking away without saying anything else. “Fuckin’ nice one, Joel. Shes a fuckin keeper.” you mutter in his direction. 
 Tommy grabs your hand and leads you to your chair, pulling it out for you. Him and Joel lay the food across the table in various spots. Sarah says the blessing and you begin passing the dishes around. Celeste laughs at just about everything Joel says, and its kind of annoying because half the shit he’s saying isn't even funny. Tommy can see your face growing with annoyance and disgust. His hand grabs your thigh under the table, a thumb going back and forth. 
The rest of dinner goes about as well as it can. Tommys hand occasionally brushing your thigh. You squeeze his a couple times to keep yourself from flipping the goddamn dinner table. Sarah gets up to get her pajamas on, and suitcase packed for the long weekend at her moms. You stand up and begin collecting plates while the boys talk. Celeste holds hers over her shoulder, still laughing at every little thing Joel says. You roll your eyes in Tommys direction and he stifles a laugh. 
Eventually, Sarahs mom arrives and you walk out with everyone to say goodbye. Funny, you notice Celeste doesn't join you all; remembering her scuffle with Sarahs mom. Sarah gives you a big hug around the neck, and whispers in your ear “I don’t like that woman. Don't let my dad keep her here.” She says, her eyes bigger than the sun. You hug her back, telling her to have fun at her moms. Tommy and Joel both give her a kiss on the head and tuck her into the car. You all wave goodbye and head toward the house. You lead, Tommys hand guiding you on your lower back, Joel in the very back, breathing so heavy that if you didn’t know better, you’d think something was wrong. But you know it’s Tommy. He’s pushing him to his breaking point, and his breaking point is you. Once back inside, you pour yourself a glass of wine. You’ve lost count on what number this is. You know you had 3 beers but the wine went down like water during dinner and desert. 
The hours pass and you've played a couple card games, trying not to focus on the way Celeste grabs Joels biceps. The way she allows her head to fall on him when she laughs. You finish your umpteenth glass of wine and excuse yourself. You walk down the hall until you find the spare room. You shut the door and turn the light on, sitting on the bed. Trying not to freak out. You cant read Joel. He used to be so easy to read, his facial expressions like an open book. The creases around his eyes told you how his day was, his eyes told you what he wanted, his lips saying what he needed. But for weeks they’ve given you nothing. The door opening snaps you out of your trance. “If you wanted me again, you could’ve just invited me over.” Tommy says laughing, shutting the door behind him. “Tommy, shut up.” You say, hitting him on the arm. “Hey hey, I already got my ass whooped once in the last 2 days, Id rather it not happen again.” He sits beside you, the bed creaking with every movement. “Tommy,” you start “I thought you said she wasn’t coming.” he sighs. “She wasn’t s’posed to. Joel told me weeks ago that he was breakin’ things off. I guess he never did. I didn’t know. Maria and I broke up and I hadn’t seen her here so I just assumed he’d done it.” You look him in the eyes. “Im sorry about you and Maria. It hadn’t even crossed my mind yesterday.” you look at the ground, your feet swinging from the bed. “Nothin’ you coulda done. She broke it off for some schmuck she met on business in Dallas. Not sure why Celeste is makin’ me out to be the bad guy.” he retorts. You both laugh for a second. Unsure of where to go from here. You don’t want to go back out there, but you don’t want to be alone. The thought of asking Tommy to go home with you pops into your head but after yesterday, thats probably the worst idea you’ve ever had. As if he can read your mind, he stands, reaching for your hand. “M’lady” he says, kissing the back of your hand. You laugh, opening the door “Shut the hell up Tommy”. 
You both walk back down the hall to find Celeste and Joel watching a movie. Shes kissing his neck, and he looks every bit of uninterested. When you kissed his neck, he returned the favor 10 fold. He couldn’t keep his hands off you. You head to the kitchen and her head perks up at the sound of the fridge opening. “It’s about time you came back out” she starts “and what a rude thing to do in someone elses home.” she says, looking you up and down. Now, usually, you’d just let it roll off your back. But after the last 3 weeks, after today, you dont have the patience. “Im not sure what you’re insinuating, but Tommy and I are just friends. We were just talking. Nothing more.” You say, popping the top off another beer. Joel stifles a laugh. “Something you’d like to add, Joel?” you say, waiting for a grunt since thats the only language he seems to speak around you these days. “Nah, nothin to say to you.” he hisses. You laugh. It’s truly comical how hes acting. He gave Tommy a shiner for assumingly fucking you, but she speaks to you like that and he seems to forget how to be a halfway decent human. 
The air in the house is thick with tension, you’re suffocating. You decide this is your last beer, and then you’re going home. You have one foot out the patio door before you hear the words “But what do you expect from someone that sluts around like that?” You see red. You’ve had way too much to drink, but just enough to speak up for yourself. You don’t give either man a chance to say anything, not that you were banking on Joel doing it regardless. Spinning around and shutting her up in her tracks. “I’m not sure who the FUCK you think you are, but you are not going to speak to me, or about me like that.” you scream. She laughs in your face. “Baby I’m just telling it how it is. You can’t honestly expect anything else when you’re homie hopping two brothers” she says laughing. Tommy and Joel both look absolutely mortified. Joel’s mouth opens but you stop him. “Don’t. You obviously haven’t come to my defense the last few weeks, hell you cant even bother to fucking look at me, so I dont want to hear anything from you.” You turn back to Celeste, your entire body shaking, tears on the brink of starting a tsunami from your eyes. “What the fuck are you even talking about?” you take another step toward her. She stands from the couch. “I’m talking about how you can’t decide which Miller brother you’d rather have in your bed. I mean it’s obvious.” she pauses, and then laughs “Is it like split custody? Like do you have Tommy one week, and Joel the next? I mean, obviously not anymore, but how did you think that was going to play out? Did you even-” you drop you beer bottle onto Joel's floor, it shatters upon impact. The floor now littered with cheap ale and glass shards. “Thanks for dinner Joel, but fuck you. And fuck your piece of work girlfriend too.” you hiss, kicking glass out of your way and walking out the door. 
You stumble in your front door, slamming it behind you. You cry, harder than you’ve ever cried before. It’s hard to catch your breath. You feel like your heart has been ripped from your chest, and then stomped on. You call Penny but it goes right to voicemail. Unsure of what to do next, you do nothing. You sit in the dark, and let your sadness swallow you whole. Your tears soak the couch cushion but you’re too sad, and too drunk to care. 
You have no idea what time it is, but wake up to a consistent banging on your front door, along with your phone ringing. You stand up and your head is screaming, pleading for you to lay back down. You pick up your phone first. It’s Joel. “Hello?” “Open your fuckin door.” he says, hanging up right after. You stumble to the door, opening it. He pushes past you, slamming it behind him. He reeks of alcohol. “I don’t know what the hell you thought was going on at dinner, but that shit ends NOW.” You turn the lamp on, rubbing your eyes. “Joel, its late. Why are you here? And what the actual fuck are you-” and his lips are crashing into yours. You push him away from you. “I don’t know what you think this is, but you have a fucking girlfriend. A very hot, girlfriend. A girlfriend that you let speak so rudely to me earlier. A girlfriend that-” and his finger is in front of your mouth, shushing you. “My turn. Understand?” you laugh. “Joel, this isn’t a fucking game. You aren’t allowed to speak to me like that, and honestly, you aren’t allowed to speak to me for the foreseeable future.” His eyes are dark, but not in the warm doe-eyed way. They’re like a bottomless well. They’re full of anger, or sadness, or maybe both. You genuinely cant tell, but it doesn't stop you. “I don’t know what gets you off, but inviting me to Thanksgiving, knowing your fucking girlfriend is going to be there? I mean, honestly. And then to tell her I fucked both you and Tommy? Which never happened might I add. You really need to consider- “I know what I saw, what I heard.” you scoff at him. “What did you see Joel? Please enlighten me.” He takes a step toward you. “I saw my brother fixin’ his goddamn belt in your living room. I saw your bra on the floor. I saw that same disheveled look on your face that you had in my bed.” You sigh, not sure if from exhaustion, frustration, or both. His words are slurring, and you’re becoming increasingly worried. “You want to know what you saw, Joel? You saw me in an emotional and vulnerable place. You saw me after your brother fingered me. No parts entered any others with the exception of his goddamn fingers. You saw me coping with your actions.” your voice cracking. “So out of all people, you go to my fuckin’ brother?” You look at him, your eyes burning, your tear ducts working goddamn overtime. “Your brother came to me. He came to check on me, after you decided to treat me like I was invisible. For weeks, you wouldn’t even look at me. And the one time you did, it was to ask for shampoo for your fucking date.” He looks at you, his face finally showing an emotion other than nothing. You pick up your phone. “Joel, get out. Please.” you finally say. “I don't have the energy to deal with this anymore. To deal with you anymore.” He tilts his head, laughing. 
He slings you over his shoulder, stomping into your room. He kicks his boots off and throws you on the bed. You scurry to turn the light on, unsure of whats coming. The light is on and you turn to look at him. But he isn’t there. He is, but isn’t. His eyes don’t look like him, they aren’t soft and warm like honey in mid-summer. They’re black, his pupils blown so big you question if he’s on something. His body is reeking of desperation, but his actions are scaring you. “Up.” he says, his voice bellowing through your room. You flip your phone open, trying to find Tommy’s name, because Joel is obviously drunk, and you don’t have the patience for him, or drunk him. He grabs your phone from you and drops it off the bed. “I said up.” he says in your ear, nipping your neck in the process. And your body does something funny. You get the butterflies, the good ones; and theres a wet spot in your underwear. You whimper. “There’s my good girl.” he grunts, his eyes still black. You open your mouth to speak, but he covers it with his hand. “No more talkin’”. The next 15 minutes happen so quickly, but so slowly. He rips your shirt off of you, the fabric tearing down the middle. Your pants fly off, underwear going with them. He flips you on your stomach, “All fours, now.” he says. You quickly roll over and arch your back, spreading your legs far enough apart so that he can see your frothing pussy. You quickly realize that no matter how much you hate him right now, you’re also aching for him. You hear his belt come undone, and his pants hit the floor. He slaps your ass, hard. You squeal in both pleasure and pain. “That’s for fuckin’ my brother.” He slaps it again. “And that’s for fuckin’ avoidin’ me the last 3 weeks.” You stifle another squeal, preparing for a 3rd slap. He reaches under you, his thumb circling your clit and his fingers hitting all the right spots inside you. You moan, and it doesn’t take long for your body to twitch. You’re on the verge of coming undone, and he can tell. His pace picks up. “P-p-please Joel. N-n-need you.” you stutter. He laughs, yanking his hand away. Leaving you feeling so fucking empty. You turn your head to him and scream in agony. “Didn’t I say no fuckin talkin?” he says, spit hitting your nose. “For once, this ain't about you. Now turn around, and do what I say.” he says, angrily.
You can feel tears welling in your eyes, confident they’re from how overstimulated you are. He’s leaving bite marks down your back, naming each reason. “This ones for fuckin my brother” and he bites hard for that one. “I told you, I didn’t fuck Tommy. He fucked me.”  you say, immediately realizing your mistake. Another slap to the ass echos through the room. “I said stop fuckin’ talkin’.” His breathing is heavy and rugged. The bites end and theres a second of relief. Of no pain or pleasure, of just pure bliss. You bask in the moment. Trying to come down from the adrenaline rush you’ve been on for the last 12 hours. The silence is ruined by his cock stabbing its way through every inch of you. You scream in agony as he splits you in 2 with no warning. His pace quickening and your release on the horizon. “Did my brother fuck you this good?” his pace quickening “Did he make you scream like this?” he says, not letting up. You’re quick to remember what happened last time you spoke, and choose to ignore the question. You can hear the sound of his balls slapping you, the sound of your juices combining. You moan, gutturally. And he fucking pulls out, completely out. You turn to look at him and he grabs your face “Answer the goddamn question.” he spits. You’re mortified. “No.” you say quietly. He drops your face and throws himself back into you. “Speak up.” he grunts. “N-No J-J-Joel!” You scream. You’re drowning in the ecstasy of the moment, your head barely above water. He lets out a chuckle, saying nothing else. His pace quickens again and your body tenses up. You reach to pleasure yourself, your fingers landing in exactly the right places. “I done told you, this ain't about you.” he says, swatting your hand away. You cry out in agony, begging for your own release. “Please Joel, please let me-” and before you can finish your sentence, he’s flipped you around and his cock is filling your throat. “Im tired of listenin’ to that mouth.” His hands wrapped in your hair, pushing your head down his full length. His pace picks up and you gag. “That mouth is only good enough for my fuckin’ cock.” he moans. Tears are falling from your face, gags escaping your throat. You feel him twitch, and then a warmth in your throat. His pace slows, and he moans.
He pulls out and you wail, tears still falling from your eyes. “Don’t fuckin forget who you belong to.” He turns around and begins putting his pants on, the sound of his belt buckle echoing through your ears. “J-Joel?” you say, with no response. He pulls his shirt over his head and grabs his boots off the floor. “Joel, where are you going?” you say, sitting up, coving yourself with the comforter. He’s halfway down the hall before he turns around, his eyes back to the soft honey brown. “Joel, please.” you squeak out. But he keeps going, and you hear your front door close. You do the only thing that you seem to know how to these days, and cry.
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austinsastrology8991 · 2 years ago
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> Neptune IN the HOUSES < How your DELUSIONS find you RESOLUTIONS
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Neptune in the First - You act so naive, and now people actually think your naive. But you hate it when people treat you this way, but your always swaying around and acting oblivious to everything around you, but ik its all a front, and people find you to be mystical and now everyone is entranced by this dance you make acting oblivious. its obvious its an act, but then the more you get to know them you realize its not and thats actually who they are, and you wonder why no one has bonked them on the head yet Neptune in the Second - you dont really value anything, you think everything comes and goes, and your just like a paper bag flowing through the wind tbh. But this quality of letting things be and go, allows you to be molded by life and that can be a useful tool for artisty, but man yall just give up easy tbh. also your voices are like ethereal - kiddd cudiiiiiieee Neptune in the Third - you guys talk like a movie character, and its never the villain but the naive protagonist who just believes in a bunch of bullshit. but everyone thinks your so amusing to lissten to and i suppose you are but sometimes you guys really are playing up this movie trope and well im done watching the same movie i want a re-cast. then next week you will re-cast yourself as a new protagonist and well everyone just loves to watch you be an idiot so keep it up Neptune in the Fourth - Your literally 'good will huntings robin Williams'. you act like you figured out emotions because you let them come and go, but when someone questions whats going on with you, you find a million reasons to explain why you behave this way, and why others do, whilst completely avoiding letting your emotions out because your way too sensitive youd rather keep it at them at a distance that way you can handle it Neptune in the Fifth - You guys are the embodiment of a amusement park. YOu perform a million different acts, and never run out of ideas on how to entertain. Very amusing to watch, but people tend to take you for granted since your always so fun to be around we just expect yalll to keep performing, and you can, but this eats you up inside. then you perform again showing us how you feel as usual, and how it feels being used, and well i guess its all good because you have a never ending source of material - yourselves
Neptune in the Sixth - IMO the real mvps of delusions. No one is as delusional as them but they dont even care because they have thought of so much bullshit and have found so much evidence for their bullshit that they now realized that what most people believe in is bullshit, so they just think everything is bullshit. They dont even give a fuck anymore because to them everything isnt real, and everything is real, they have trouble understanding reality, because they have seen things no one could ever believe exists Neptune in the Seventh - Hopelessly projecting what they want in the world just for it to never come to fruition. This is actually how they pull, so dont hate their game. but they tell people how they wish things would be, and people want to save them by showing them how the world works, or giving into their stupid delusions and pretending what they believe in is real. Kinda a lot to deal with. But they'll never admit that they act so innocent but then your basically taking care of a baby Neptune in the Eighth - They make the universe bend to their will whether it wants to or not. They will pull every magic trick they know to make sure that their delusions are not delusional anymore. And its impressive how much they believe in there imaginings that it does tend to become real, but i would warn them and whoever is around them; That their fantasies tend towards the dark. so if they want something to be real (and they gonna do everything they can to get it) they may or may not resort to black magic or some shady ass shit Neptune in the Ninth - They believe in god a lot, maybe too much to appear normal. They are the type to make up a cult and behave liek mormons and say it was the will of god. The people ive met with this are strange, and their beliefs alter quite a bit, and for some reason they always have met deities and angels. But they are so delusional in their beleifs that if you hear them out, its so far fetched youll get lost in them because your so curious how someone got so lost in their own religion you wonder if they'll ever return to the real world Neptune in the Tenth - They are openly strange. Bro dennis Rodman has this conj his midheaven and its just iconic really. These guys are the strangest most ethereal beings and everyone gets lost in their cult of personality. Always switching up their identity, they think reality is bullshit and well we are all here for it because yall do the strangest things and i just wanna watch what your gonnna do next. but im still trynna figure out how close i wanna get to you because being seen with you is a risk for my reputation, because you clearly dont give a fuck about yours Neptune in the Eleventh - How many acid shirts do you own. Its like your the public personification of 'make love not war and peace bro' and its cool everyone wants a freidn like you, but no one takes your advice seriously. Because your so lost in the make believe that you think your make believe can actually make someone make believe..... But like cmon how the fuck do you think thats going to change anything. WHen has 'peace bro' ever actually worked. do your charities or whatever but i do not see it working as much as you think it can. sorry not sorry. But i do love you. But get a haircut Neptune in the Twelvth - Your literally the type to lick your finger , put it up in the air and say 'yep it going to rain wednesday' then it actually rains wednesday. And your so cooked no one believes you (because why would you) but then it does happen and now eveyrone thinks your even more cooked because what you had cookin is a real recipe. Now everyone wants to know how you have your third eye or whatever open and now you just want to hide again lmao. Also incredible artists, i recommend you guys keep your intuitive insights to yourself because you are right a lot but why tell people when everyone is just going to question how you see signs rather than heed your advice
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purin-gambler · 9 months ago
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‘a piece of advice’ - suna rintaro
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wc: 1.3k
cw: timeskip spoilers, minimal cursing
⚄ notes: bestfriend suna, fem reader, fluff, heavy implications of romantic feelings, suna might be terribly in love you as way more than friends- but you didnt hear that from me, mentions of past failed dates, suna kinda clowning atsumu at one point ( affectionate )
☁ a/n: i kept thinking about this troupe with suna??? the ‘hes your best friend but hes in love in you and is tired of seeing you go through other men that isnt him’ troupe and ughhh i had to write it myself. this was supposed to be a drabble oops, but i started to write it like a fic
 i just might love this man. like a lot.
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“i told you. you shouldve listened to me.” suna’s expression through the handheld device was deadpanned, as he knew from the very second your contact name popped up onto his phone for a video call, he would have to pull the ‘i was right, you were wrong’ card on you. all on the very same evening you would come home from this blind date, he would remind you of your decisions, and hed only received a huff of your breath in response.
clicking suna’s contact name and dialing his number was a common reflex at this point. especially during times like these. suna made it all too accessible to talk to him, knowing that he had no excuse not to answer, since the man was always glued onto that device of his no matter what situation he found himself in.
with all the times youve called, he would answer before the first ring had even rung, never wasting a second, always immediate to talk to you as if he were waiting to hear your voice again.
his willingness to chat and your endless rambles made it easy to connect, considering he was all over the country for the sake of his volleyball career. so video calls like the one you found yourselves in now were more common than youd like to admit. calls where suna found himself taking it easy in his hotel room, miles upon miles away from you to participate in a volleyball match the following morning. while you on the other hand, are on the line ranting in a frustrated manner to him. the opposite demeanors in your personalities clashing at this very moment, suna unsure of what to make of your current rambling outbursts of disappointment.
because calls like these were about men that werent him, taking you out on dates, and disappointing you again.
“i cant believe you went on a blind date with a guy atsumu set you up with.” he sneered.
with an elbow prompted against your desk to support your head resting on your hand, you slouched over your desk, the uncertainty of the matter apparent in your wavering tone. “but the guy sounded nice enough though
 thought id give him a chance.”
hearing the way your voice faltered, he mused shortly after, “seemed nice? give him a chance? this guy walked out on you before you even got the bill.”
you watched the way he slouched back onto his chair, arms crossed, and not sparing you a second away from his disapproving gaze. “you couldve left first you know? but youre telling me you stayed, listen to him give you shit, watched him leave, and ended up paying the dinner for his sorry ass instead-?!”
silence was all that sat on the line, suna observing the expression sat onto your face. the display was clear as day, you embodied a disappointed frown that radiated your upsetness through his phone screen. all the time you wasted on some guy who couldn’t even spare you a glance, a ‘date’ that didnt care to let you utter a word, or understand you any more than just your name. an absolute waste of time he was, and it was a mutual agreement between the two of you. suna knowing well that you were way too good for him, and way too good for all these horrible excuses of dates you would find yourself going on. it was unfortunate to him that he knew all these experiences were accumulating in your memory, all too aware of the way they would tear you down.
these were absolutely memories you really didnt need. suna hadnt even experienced what you would tell him, but he began to grow frustrated with the way he had to hear you come home disappointed every single time. though he was never upset with you spilling all the details to him, in fact, he always encouraged it. always keeping an open ear to attentively listen to the spews of the pain and frustration you expressed onto him. listening to the way you explained how these dates wouldnt even give you the time of day. weather they had gotten too caught up in their distaste for your softer appearance, or found your personality unalienable with their own. your best friend couldnt deny his own disappointment that these guys were too stubborn to see you on a deeper level, hours gone on men who wouldnt dare to go as far as to desire any part of you. it upset him more than you knew, even though he never expressed all of it to you.
he just failed to understand time and time again, why they werent able to see you the way he did.
was it so hard? to love your curves of you body he found so beautiful, to love your face he was so happy to see, to love your voice that filled his heart with each of your words, to love the entirety of who you are and your existence without wanting to alter a single thing? he just couldnt understand.
because such a thing was as easy as breathing air for him.
loving you is just that easy.
“you know, atsumu can set volleyballs, not set you up on good dates. this better be the first and last time you take a suggestion like this from him.”
the stiffening weight of the silence between you both being fully broken once you responded with a grumbled, “lesson learned
” falling bitter from your tongue.
“good.”
though the frown on your face was all but faded, still all too prominent for his liking. he was fed up with this sight, because it was too familiar now. a light sigh escaped suna’s lips before he prompted himself forward, taking his phone into his hands.
“now give me the details. full name, photos- it can be some drivers license photo or some shitty thirst trap selfie- i dont care, occupation, date of birth- whatever atsumu showed and told you about. tell me everything.”
you scoffed in disbelief clearly laced with amusement, watching the way suna’s camera paused and cut off, indicating he was now tapping through his phone and opening up social media. ready for you to spill the details, until he was typing various combinations of your date’s name into the searchbar.
whatever he did with that information you provided him was far from your care or concern, knowing that suna was always just on his phone, doing who knows what. you assumed this was just him curiously trying to match a face to your story, since it wouldnt be the first time hes asked about these things.
though with you unaware of that growing irritation from your best friend on your behalf, you wouldnt have known that the second he found the guy, suna, with absolutely no hesitation, compiled together a little message to be sent his way. something he hadnt bothered doing before, but was sure as hell doing now. it was a message he couldve tied up in a little bow if he wanted to, hoping that it wouldve at least softened the blow of the contents written inside.
lets just say, the following morning, you received a heavily detailed apology from your previous date. a message which had caught you completely off guard and jolting you awake in the early hours of the day. staring at the detailed apology, you screenshotted the entirety of its pathetic glory, ready to relay the large paragraph to your best friend after his volleyball match later in the day.
if only you got to see the stupid look of pride on suna’s face after he received your messages.
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