#but im not.. hopelessly sad idk

[wings-of-angels]

Movies that show people in a daze during and after a stressful event are LIARS everything continues on and is normal and you feel bad for not constantly being sad or worried but life just continues and ur mind wanders and you think about other stuff

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[yenqa]

APPLE CIDER (bedroom sessions)

Sparkling apple cider. Once a sweet, refreshing drink you could easily enjoy. Now everytime you’re reminded of that cursed drink all you get is the sour memories that came with it. One memory including the fallout of yours and (now ex) boyfriend, Jay's relationship. But, it just so happens Jay is determined to win your heart back once again. Will he be able to restore the sweet taste? Or will apple cider ruin your life once again?

read part one here!

genre : exes to lovers, written fic, angst, fluff, dual pov (but more y/n, highschool au

featuring : enhypen, chaewon of lsfm, kwon eunbi, ocs : hyun-woo, mrs. lim

warnings : swearing (lots), ignorant parents (only mentioned), crying, food, parties, groveling??? idk, reader has the same bad habits, blood/injuries

wc : 7k

pairing : jay x fem!reader

YENQA : i worked really hard on this and im really happy with the outcome!! i hope you guys like it as much as i do :) also!! everyone thank @yeokii and @redm4ri for proof reading this!!

000 FIRST HEARTBREAK (prologue)

It was junior year when you first met him. Just last year (2022), Hyun-woo walked up to you in the library with a charming but sweet smile, he sat next to you and introduced himself. At first you were skeptical, unsure of your new friendship. But his stupid cute smile and his enchanting eyes lured you right in.

That night you had left with his number and a smile on your face.

The next few weeks he barely ever talked to you, sufficing with a small wave in the hallways or small talk about classwork. But when spring was just around the corner, that had immediately changed.

Hundreds of messages came through in the span of two months. You two would talk for hours and hours on end about anything really. His sweet smile would stay throughout all those facetimes, sometimes you wondered if his face would fall off if he smiled any longer. 

After months of talking, you figured out you were hopelessly falling for him. And there was no way out. But you also figured he must’ve liked you back—I mean those hundreds of calls weren’t for nothing were they?

At first, they weren’t. He eventually asked you out in May and you dated happily for three months. 

Since he was your first you didn’t know how a relationship should work, or how one should act in it. You thought him ghosting you for weeks on end was normal, and that everyone went through it. Even if it wasn’t normal, he came back to you, showering you in gifts such as stuffed animals and gold jewelry. So, you continued on with the relationship, knowing he would come back to you anyways.

But then, he didn’t come back. It was September and you hadn’t talked to him all August—to say the least you were confused. Where had he been all this time?

The first day of school you had immediately ran up to him, you remembered you had said, “What’s wrong? Why have you been ignoring me all last month?” 

And he laughed.

He laughed straight at your worried expression. 

And you want to cry.

It was all a bet, he said. One that involved completely playing with you to win some money.

You couldn’t cry in front of him, nor could you run away from him like a fucking loser (which you really wanted to do but you wouldn’t want to see the pleasure on his face). All you could do was say “Okay,” and walk away. That’s all you did—So hopefully to him you seemed unfazed. But that facade didn’t last long.

You almost tripped over things or even people on the way to the bathroom, sobbing your eyes out until they had wrung dry.

You were sad—Yes, but you were also frustrated by how stupid you were.

He didn’t even talk to you half the time, he barely even knew what you liked or disliked, he didn’t even pay attention to the kind of jewelry you wore—he bought a gold necklace for you as a loyal silver wearer, and overall you were just stupid. Stupid to fall for the role he put on.

Crying usually didn’t take long for you, usually an half an hour at most. But that day you had sobbed and sobbed in that stupid toilet stall for one hour and you didn’t feel like going back to class with your crusty eyes, so you accidentally skipped your first three periods. 

You remember that day as vividly as possible. Your parents were furious that you skipped three classes—So angry they didn’t even look twice at the dark circles under your puffy eyes or the red tint that had covered your face.

One thing you knew was that you never told them, the only thing telling them would get you was a scolding because you skipped three classes over a boy. A boy who was your “first love”. And as stupid as it sounds, they wouldn’t understand. Honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if they told you that they thought your feelings were just little pranks you were playing on them.

If your parents thought that, everyone probably thought that. So, you put on a happy face for Chaewon, even if she knew you were sad she probably didn’t even care. I mean if Hyun-woo didn’t even like you, who would?

001 REALIZING THE OBVIOUS

Jay never thought he was stupid. Actually, he found much pride in how smart he was. He was always the kind of person to think before they say something. He was never impulsive—Well until he met you that is. But that didn’t really end well did it?

It made it even worse that nobody seemed to care. Sunoo didn’t even send a sad look his way (which by the way—Was totally deserved even if he did mess up).

“Why the long face, Jay? You lose another cute girl?” Jake teases, a grin appearing on his face. 

“Who was it again? Hyun-woo’s ex-girlfriend?" Sunghoon's smile grows, “Finally played her?”

Jay groans, “Yeah, i did, but i messed up, bad.”

“What- did Hyun-woo threaten to jump you again?” Jungwon's eyebrows furrow, almost worried that Jay would lose in a fight with him—which he definitely wouldn’t.

“God, you guys are so ignorant, think about the poor girl for once.” Sunoo sighs, rolling his eyes at his friend's fuckboy-ness.

Jay almost rolls his eyes at Sunoo's comment. Were you thinking about Y/n when you blurted his secret out? But he knew he had to take accountability, whether he liked it or not.

“No way. Does the Park Jay feel bad about a girl? The Heartbreaker Park Jay?" Jake asks. And Jay wonders why he’s even friends with them. “Okay, I do feel bad. How do you apologize to a girl? Also Sunoo?" 

He tilts his head.

“Never get drunk again.” Jay warns.

He scoffs, “Weren’t you planning on telling her anyways? I just ripped the bandage off for you.”

The group of boys burst into laughter but Jay couldn’t seem to figure out what was funny. “I didn’t come here for you guys to laugh at my misery.”

Niki gasps, “Jay, you’re actually serious about this one? This is a first.”

This time Jay actually rolls his eyes, “No dumbass- I’m just mad I can’t play around with her anymore.” The group seems fully convinced, some nodding their heads in expectancy. Jay’s eyebrows furrow seeing them be so blind to his problem, “I was kidding.” He deadpans, “I’m serious about her.”

His nose scrunches ever so slightly, “Oh. Well then you’re in huge trouble.”

“I know.”

“Okay—But seriously,” Jay asked, “How should I apologize?” A sudden wave of silence washed over them, looking at each other and shrugging.

-

Apologies, apologies, apologies was what went through his brain that night. What could he do that could fix the mess he had made?

People say real apologies came from the heart, but what even came from the heart? It’s an organ.

Jay’s mind felt like it was about to explode. It’s been an hour but his mind was empty, completely hollow. How could he fix this situation? Well first he could say sorry—Not that you would forgive him easily but it was a crucial part to his fix.

Until it finally clicked.

002 JAY’S “MASTER” PLAN

Last week you couldn’t bear the thought of coming back to school after the party, but here you were, driving yourself to school after a very sad three week mid winter break. A band aid now covering the tip of your finger that you had picked off. And—Of course. You forgot your water bottle again.

You sigh, fixing your silver necklace, you brush your hair behind your hair and open the car to—Oh fuck.

Why did Jay just happen to look like a fucking angel fallen from heaven at 7am in the morning?

And why was Jay here so early at school? You usually arrive much earlier than him.

You compose yourself, walking past him. Holding yourself to not even slightly slow down or look back. 

Finally arriving at your locker you open it, looking at the light pink bag in it, one that you never put in it. Your eyebrows furrow as you pick it up, opening the mysterious bag.

You smile at the small snacks inside. A small bag of your favorite chips and a few of your favorite candies. That smile drops when you see an apple shaped sticky note with familiar handwriting inside. 

Some gasps behind you, you jump,  quickly turning around to see your beloved friends. “Someone’s got a secret admirer?” Eunbi teases, both Chaewon and her walking up to you.

You sigh, “It’s from Jay, do you want it?” You offer to both of them. They both grab it, sharing whatever snacks are in there. 

“Oh!” Chaewon lights up, “Here’s your coffee.” She smiles with guilt. You smile back, gladly taking a sip of the slightly bitter drink to quench your thirst.

“Did the note say anything?” Eunbi pulls out the slightly crumpled sticky note in there. You glance at it, noticing Jay’s very asymmetrical heart.

You unconsciously laugh, quickly covering it up before grabbing the small note, reading it.

To My Apple,

I was stupid to use you to get back at him. Honestly the most stupid thing I would ever do and I deeply regret it. I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to see me right now and I understand that you want your space from me. I just want to make it clear, I really do love you and I would never ever do something that horrible to you again. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be on good terms even if you don’t fully forgive me for what I did to you. I truly am in love with and honestly I can’t live without you. Fuck I just miss you, you don’t have to respond or anything I just want to make it clear that I’m sorry, and I love you so much.

Jay

And your lips tug up just a bit.

“Y/n are you okay? You’ve been quiet since you’ve read that. What’s on there?” Chaewon asks, moving next to you to read from the flimsy paper.

Your eyes widen slightly, “Oh—It’s nothing.” you fumble with the paper a bit, “Nothing important.” 

Eunbi laughs, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/n. But if it’s from Jay then you have to tell us.” Chaewon nods.

“No! I mean, it’s not from Jay. Let’s just go to class?” You smile at them shoving the sticky note into whatever pants pocket you have.

“You’re lucky you have your first period alone Missy.”

Throwing them a cheeky smile, you quickly walk to the nearest trash can, quickly tossing it in before looking around. You make eye contact with Jay and quickly look away again.

God—Why was the universe never on your side?

Though you try to ignore the small frown on his face, it runs through your head all day. Until, suddenly you're walking to your math seat again.

“Y/n you’re lucky that this is the only period I have with you, and that we spend all of lunch with our mouths stuffed” Eunbi groans, unpacking her notebook. She places it down neatly on her desk, before leaning forward to you.

“So, was it from Jay? Weren’t- like apples your thing?”

You let out a sigh, turning around “Apple cider was our thing. And maybe.”

She frowns, “Maybe? Y/n tell me, yes or no.” 

You shrug again, turning back to the front making eye contact with the man himself again.

Does this man ever stop looking at you? Because you were almost certain his eyes were glued onto you. You look down at your notebook, trying to act as unbothered as possible—Which doesn’t really work since you hear Eunbi snickers..

You roll your eyes even though Eunbi can’t see it, she can read you like a book, whispering “If you keep rolling your eyes they’ll fall to the back of your head.”

Leaning back, you whisper, “I don’t think that’s how it works, stay in school Eunbi.”

003 PLAN IN MOTION

Getting out of the car the next day you hope and pray to every fucking god you know that you won’t see his familiar face again. But nothing ever seems to go well for you, because you see his sad smile through the window of his car.

You repeat what you did yesterday, walk away as quickly as you can without looking weird. But your legs quickly pick up because of your nervousness, speed walking to the entrance doors instead. You lean on the door, pushing to open it before walking in the same pace to your locker.

Then you finally slow your pace, opening your locker to see another light pink bag.

This time, the same snacks but with a plastic water bottle inside, with a little note saying “Make sure to drink lots of water <3”. You subconsciously smile, fishing out the piece of paper neatly tucked in.

Unfolding the paper, your jaw drops at the pencil writing that manages to cover the whole page.

Apple, my love, I might not be the best at words but I think seeing your lips tug up at my other small note motivated me to write this. Did I ever tell you that your smile brightens up my day? As cheesy as it sounds at night I used (I still do btw) to think about whatever stupid joke I made when we were on a date and how you would laugh happily at it, even if it was the worst joke ever known to mankind. And as embarrassing as it is to admit it I would giggle about it. Before and after we started dating. But you always cover your mouth when you laugh. but you shouldn’t. Your smile makes me feel like everything going wrong in my life will fix itself. When I was with you I had no worries, you made me feel free. But I’ve only brought you worries. I’m sorry. 

Recently, I’ve been noticing you’ve been smiling less and yesterday you forgot to bring your water bottle to school. Please stay healthy and eat well, okay? Even if you hate me, I still care for your health. Don’t skip meals and drink lots of water, please. I’d do anything just to have a five minute conversation with you. I understand that what I did was unforgivable and that you shouldn't trust me again but please, put your trust in me one more time and please come to Azalea park at 3pm tomorrow and I’ll explain everything. I know you're angry but I beg that you be angrier at a closer distance. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve made, and I promise I’ll fix it.

Jay

Your eyebrows furrow. Was he serious? Was he trying to publicly embarrass you? Why did you want to go so bad?

Opening your phone to quickly text up Eunbi and Chaewon, who mysteriously hadn’t shown up yet.

You

bitch jay just wrote me a long last letter abt how hes sorry and how he truly loves me and wants to meet up and make things right????

where tf are yall btw

eunbi mlll

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??

YOU HAVE TO GO

also chae cant drive me so bus it is…

chaechae

sorry ill be late to school 2day bc doctors lolsies

but r u sure eunbi????

y/n i love u but idk if this is a good idea

wait what did he say

eunbi mlll

NO U HAVE TO GO

but let us see the letter to confirm if hes sincere

You

im not about to show U guys the letter

Omfg guys i almost giggled reading it. this is Bad.

he said that he would do anything for a five minute talk with me and that he knows im mad at him but to be mad at a close distance???

now… i am Nawt your strongest soldier.

chaechae

shit if he wrote me that i wouldve folded too

changed my mind i say do it

You

so…. 2/2 votes yes?

thats kinda nerve racking idk if im ready to face him

eunbi mlll

y/n i am ready to get down on my knees and beg for u to go

you got this girl!

worst case scenario u slap him and embarrass him

chaechae

or maybe slap him when you get there, saves you the time

Just Kidding!!! Hahaha

You

Not funny at all.

hate u all

FUCKK now i have to text him and say im going

eunbi mlll 

why not let him suffer???????

You

ill feel bad

chaechae

Oh

i mean did jay do that when you guys met??

You

fuck u

You exit your group chat, looking several spots down and spotting Jay contact, wincing at your last messages.

You

i’ll be at the park by 3. don’t fuck this up park

jay

wouldn’t even think about it 

004 THE MEETING

Why did I agree to this again? 

You glance at the clock, 2:58, I should head out now. 

Sighing you open your door, walking to—From what you can distinguish from his back, Jay. you walk around the bench, brushing whatever dirt was on it and taking a seat.

Jay gives you a relieved smile, glasses framing his face perfectly-

“Glasses?” You blurt, studying the frame of them.

He coughs awkwardly, “Yeah- I um—I got them yesterday, forgot to wear them to school.”

Awkward silence washes over you two. Well was he going to say something or not?

And it’s almost like he can read your thoughts, because he starts, “Look—Apple. I just wanted to apologize in real life. It was a shitty move of me to use you-”

“Yeah- very shitty.” You interrupt, “Sorry, go on.”

“Oh okay, um- it was a terrible decision I made and I totally messed with you at the beginning, and never told you, I’m sorry.”

He pauses, choosing his words carefully.

“And—I regret it so much. I mean, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to fuck it up, which would’ve happened anyways. I should’ve told you earlier on before I asked you out but I was afraid. Afraid that the only good thing in my fucked up life would vanish. So I ran away from the problem instead of talking to you about it like I should’ve. I’m sorry for running away and I swear, I would never hurt you—ever again. You don’t have to give me an answer yet, but just know that I still love you with all my heart.”

You take a deep breath, Fuck—what do I say? Should I ask him what he had against Hyun-woo?

Deciding to ask, you look at him with a hint of disappointment, “So why? What do you have against him that made you play with me?”

His eyebrows raise slightly, surprised you didn’t slap him and leave. 

“Oh— it’s kind of stupid.” He says, pushing up his glasses slightly.

“I mean he both kinda fucked us over, right? I won’t judge, I hate his guts anyways.”

Jay lets out a breathy smile. “I used to be on the rugby team, remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“Well—I sound like such an egotistical jerk when I say this, but he took the captain position from me by sweet talking his way to the top. It wasn’t mine to begin with, but everyone thought that I deserved it the most, but of course, he took it from me. I wasn’t super mad or anything, I actually thought I was too cocky for um—thinking I deserved the position. It didn’t really help that he also kind of made fun of me any chance he got for not being captain. Blaming me for every loss we had then I just- snapped I guess? I quit then and there and here I am now. Even after I quit he still talked shit about me and I couldn’t really do anything. And I saw you and…” he trails off, “You know what happened.”

You swallow hard, trying to take it all in. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” 

You nervously start picking at whatever skin on your ring finger you could find, looking down so you wouldn’t have to look at his expression.

“It’s not your fault, don’t apologize, Apple. Plus I’m over it.”

He suddenly scowls, grabbing the now bleeding hand. 

“Stop doing this. It’s not good” He pulls out a bandaid from his pocket, carefully placing it around your finger.

You laugh at the sight, “You carry around band aids now?”

“Ever since I met you, yeah.” He slips out and you both go silent.

Was that true? He noticed it?

You clear your throat awkwardly, yanking your hand away after he finishes. “Thank you for the band aid—uh, about your apology, I appreciate it, but I need some time to think about it, if that's okay?”

“Yeah, take your time, I understand.” He gives you a soft smile, which you return. Waving at him while walking to your car.

You sit in the driver’s seat, calling the group chat while backing out.

Chaewon joins first, “So…. How’d it go? Did you slap him? Or did you forgive him?”

Eunbi joins just after, waiting for your answer.

“I don’t know how to feel.” You answer, sighing.

“Hey, you’ll figure it out Y/n! Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” Eunbi gives you a thumbs up with a soft smile.

You nod, returning her smile, and you try to believe it too.

005 THE CALL

As soon as you were out of view Jay pulled his phone out, noticing the ten text messages from the man himself.

sunoo 

jayyy

hello

where r u

wait r u two meeting today

OK IK U WONT SEE THIS

so i just want to say sorry for… kinda ruining ur relationship.

IM SO SORRY I WAS DRUNKK PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE

anyways.. text me back whenever u can!!

have fun with y/n

hope it goes well

A smile grows on Jay’s face, he presses his contact photo, bringing his phone to his ear.

“Jay! I didn’t think you would answer so soon?”

“It’s been fifteen minutes? I feel like that's a good amount of time to have a conversation.” Did you just want to leave him as soon as possible? Fuck maybe he didn’t have a chance to win you ba-

“Oh! It’s been fifteen minutes? I guess time flies when you’re on your phone right?” Nevermind.

“So! Did you and Y/n kiss and make up? Or was she angry?”

“No, we just talked? Like I said we would?” 

“Are you sure?” Sunoo says in a teasing tone. With that simple sentence, Jay could tell Sunoo was probably giggling to himself about you two meeting up.

“Yes I’m sure? Why would I be lying?” Jay feels the wind pick up some speed, an indication he should go home. He walks himself to the car while talking to Sunoo.

“So you’re telling me, all you did was apologize and she left?”

“Yeah.”

Sunoo groans, “That’s so boring! Totally thought you would have a movie moment then.”

“I mean the only thing unexpected I told her was what happened with Hyun-woo and me.”

He dramatically gasps, “But you never tell anyone? Why does she get to know and not me?”

“She asked.” Jay shrugs, starting the car.

“But you never told me, I only know that you two hate each other! This is straight favoritism. Can’t believe you.” Sunoo angrily exclaims, deciding to hang up the call.

Jay sighs, driving back home.

006 DAY RUINER 

Today, you smile as you leave your car. Instead of walking as fast as you can to the doors, you even wave at Jay’s car pulling in. He waves back, a big smile on his face that catches onto yours. You happily walk to the entrance, pushing open the entrance door and walking to your locker.

Getting your first period textbook, and closing your locker, you quickly spot Eunbi and Chaewon walking towards you. 

“Someones happy, did you get a good morning message from your lover?” Eunbi teases.

You take a sip of the coffee Chaewon gave you. “No? Can’t a girl just have a good day?”  You twirl around.

“Okay you’re acting really weird. Is something wrong?” They exchange glances, waiting for your answer.

“Yeah, somethings wrong.” A male voice comes up to you. Your smile immediately drops. Hyun-woo looks at you, standing between you and Eunbi, he grabs your hand dragging you away.

“What the fuck? Get off me!” You exclaim, trying your best to yank your hand away from him. But apparently his rugby muscles could keep you in his hold, but definitely way too tight for comfort. Hopefully you won't get a big ass bruise there.. He leads you to a hallway which is surprisingly empty.

“Can we talk? Y/n?”

You scoff, “Are you crazy? You drag me here and expect me to want to have a civil conversation with you?’ huffing, you turn back around.

“I want to get back together, Y/n!”

You stop in your tracks, turning around at his conflicted face before bursting out laughing. You only laugh more looking at his hurt face.

“Y/n are you laughing? I’m serious! I want you back! And I know you want me back too!” 

You finally stop laughing, taking a deep breath “Gosh you’re funny Hyun-woo. Okay, I’m leaving.” He grabs you again. Does this guy think he’s in a kdrama or something?

“Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I miss you. Can we get back together?”

“So… you played me, and you want to get back together?”

“I wouldn’t say played-”

“Oh but I would. And can you get your hand off me? I can feel your odor latching on to me.” Yanking your hand away, you look at him in disgust.

“Y/n please. Can we-”

“You’re insane Hyun-woo. If you haven’t gotten the hint yet—Which I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t, I’m not interested in dating someone who’s a lookalike to the hunchback of Notre Dame. Actually, maybe that would be an improvement to you.” You shrug, walking away. Shivering in disgust at the thought of him grabbing your arm.

How did I even like this guy? Also what is it with men these days? A scowl is very obvious on your face as you walk back to your lockers. Before you get back to Chaewon and Eunbi, someone taps you from behind.

You turn, “I swear to god Hyun-woo if you-”

“Not Hyun-woo, just me.”

You turn to see Jay, a frown present on his face. Your mouth widens slightly and you close it right away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that, but are you okay? Why did he do that?” He checks your wrist for any forming bruises. Tsking at the slight red tint on your arm. “I’m fine, Jay. It was for something stupid anyways.” you answer, grabbing at his hands to stop.

“What’d he do?” You can hear the genuine concern in his voice and you know you’ll feel horrible if you don’t tell him.

“He just,” you cough awkwardly, “asked to get back together.”

His face changes slightly, but you can’t tell how, “Did you agree?”

“Oh god no—oh my god I wouldn’t even spare a single thought thinking about it.” You laugh, squeezing his hand slightly. A wave of relief washes over his face, “I’m glad. Call me if he does it again, okay?”

“Am I supposed to be your damsel in distress?”

“I was thinking we could kick his ass together.”

You let out a giggle, “I’ll make sure to let you know then,” waving goodbye, you walking back to your beloved trio.

“Oh my god, I didn’t know the talk went that well, you guys were flirting so hard!” Chaewon whisper-yells.

“We were not flirting.”

“Oh you so were. You literally giggled while talking to him” Eunbi agrees.

“I did?”

“See it was so natural you didn’t even notice! I wasn’t really a fan of Jay but he clearly makes you happy.” Chaewon admits, putting her hands up in surrender from Eunbi’s offended look.

“I don’t know. I mean he did kinda use me. So who says he won’t do it again?” 

“Me, I do. If he does I’ll literally punch him to oblivion” Eunbi and Chaewon start pretend boxing, the bell interrupting their match. They both groan, giving up mid match.

“I’m glad I’m friends with the next Muhammad Ali, but I’m going to go to class now.” You laugh, waving goodbye and walking to your first period.

007 CALLS AT MIDNIGHT

Your math class gave you time to think about everything going wrong in your life, because who was actually listening to Mrs. Lim’s blabbering? You doodle little hearts in your notebook, now noticing that you hadn’t written a single note and the whole page was just covered in your drawings.

Does this class never end or something? You wonder, checking the clock. 

Twenty minutes left, you internally groan, how is it that time moves so slow during times like these? You bring your hand to your mouth, biting the nail off your ring finger. Feeling a vibration coming from your phone, you quickly take a look at the board, making sure the teacher was still writing before checking it.

jay

stop

You

whatd i do???

jay

stop biting your nails

i can see you doing it yk

You

thats none of your business

jay

it’s not

but i still care ya know

You

oh really?

jay

really.

You

fine whatever 🙄🙄

The smile that had grown on your face quickly fades the moment you even notice it was there. Why are you folding so easily Y/n? You have to give him a hard time! You sigh louder than you realize, quickly feeling embarrassment when Mrs. Lim stares right at you.

“Is something wrong, Y/n?” Mrs. Lim asks, a cruel eyebrow raised.

Oh, fuck me. “No Mrs. Lim, nothing is wrong.” You smile as sweetly as you can.

“Then I guess you won’t mind answering one of these questions?” She showcases three equations on the board.

Your smile falls slightly, not this shit again, you complain, walking up to the first equation staring at it blankly while she picks the next two students. Holding the marker up and pretending to think, knowing damn well that you hadn’t listened to a single thing she said that day.

Looking over to the person next to you, Jay, seems to already be looking in your direction, a small smile on his face.

“Looks like you need help this time, Apple? What a twist.”

You roll your eyes, “You didn’t even need help last time. But yes, I do. Could you please—like give me the answer or something?”

“X equals four point five seven.”

You finally return his smile, a small thank you coming out as you write it on the board.

After another long twenty minutes the bell finally rings, indicating that school is finally over. Your usual after school routine was, 1. walk to your car with Chaewon and Eunbi (sometimes you hung out, but today you weren’t) 2. Go home (duh), and start your homework,  3. Eat dinner, and 4. Go on your phone until you fall asleep. You didn’t mind this arrangement, it kept you comfortable knowing that you had some free time later in the day. But today, you were dreading it more than ever.

Why? you ask?

Every couple of days, whenever your phone wasn’t doing your boredom justice you put it down for a good three minutes. And those three minutes entirely made up of you staring at the ceiling and thinking. That was the problem. You didn’t want to think about a single thing that happened today. You didn’t want to think about your upcoming tests that only got you nervous before you were about to go to bed or your love life (which it sometimes went to but you always dreaded even bringing up the topic to yourself).

Tonight was one of those nights you would stare at the ceiling.

The topic you always first thought of was what you did earlier that day. But unfortunately for you, half of the day you had thought about you and Jay basically holding each other's hands. And the other half was thinking about if you forgave Jay yet.

You wanted to say you didn’t. That you would have to take at least two weeks after the apology to even think about the apology. But two days after the apology, here you were. Staring into space about how you think he would react to you forgiving him.

I mean you had basically already forgave him, I mean you wouldn’t have squeezed someone's hand you hated, right? And you definitely don’t miss the voice of someone you hate.

Staring at the ceiling clearly wasn’t a good idea. Because you were already grabbing your phone, looking at his contact. Just above it is your group chat with Eunbi and Chaewon. Maybe you should get a greenlight before you decide to call him.

You glance at the clock, making sure it wasn’t too late to text your friends. The clock hits 11:52 as you look at it. Typing out the texts, you wait until the message sends before closing out of the app.

You

hey guys lawl

r u awake 

pls say Yes!

Luckily, Chaewon answers just a few seconds after you close the app.

chaechae

hi im awake

is eunbi awake around this time???

You

no shes never awake past 10 LMFAO

shouldve messaged u privately

chaechae

HELPP FR

wait so what did u want to talk abt

You

Uhmm

so uh

do u think its weird that i’ve forgiven jay so easily and should i call him.. lowkey miss him

chaechae

BITCH U FORGAVE HIM??

WHEN

ok but no??

i mean anyone could literally see how hard he tried to make it up to you

and call him!! Yolo

You

ok Thx!!!!

chaechae

yw 😘😘

Closing the chat, you look at his caller i.d, noticing how big his smile was in the contact photo you never deleted. Smiling, you look down at the call button, wondering if this was a good idea or not. You hesitantly lift your finger, hovering over the rectangle before clicking it.

The phone rings twice, before he answers.

“Y/n, is everything okay? Why are you calling at midnight?”

“Everything’s fine, don't worry, but sorry, did I wake you up?”

You can hear shuffling on his side of the call, before he answers, “No no, I was awake. Why did you call?”

“Honestly? I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He lets out a low chuckle, “Really? That’s it?”

“I also think I forgive you and I want to be your girlfriend again.”

A wave of silence washes over you two. Not a single sound comes through your phone, not a single shuffling or anything. Maybe you shouldn’t have called him, this was a stupid idea. Who let you make important decisions past ten o’clock?

Until he starts up again. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You don’t have to answer that right now if you’re not ready to, I can wait eternity for you.”

“No it’s okay, That’s my answer. Let’s give this thing another try.”

“Thank you, Apple. I’ve missed you a lot, you know?”

You smile, “I’ve missed you a lot too.”

008 FOREVER

“Jay, it’s a Saturday.”

He has a huge grin on his face, he very proudly presents what’s in his hands. A bouquet of white and purple roses with a mix of some unknown flower sit in his hands, the brown paper wrapped by twine making him loudly announce every move he’s about to make.

“So? I missed my girl.”

You sigh, rubbing your pried open eyes. “At nine in the morning? I wake up at like eleven.” His smile never falters, not a single bit, “I got you flowers.” Jay says, handing them to you.

“Thank you, Jay. But these are so bright they could literally blind me.”

“I put a lot of thought into this, you know? ‘Made sure to pick the prettiest one for you.” He points to the unknown purple flower. “This is called a Heliotrope.” 

“Is there a meaning to it?” 

“You’ll figure it out.” He smirks. Rolling your eyes, you invite him into your house. placing the bouquet carefully on your desk before inviting him to sit on your bed.

You lay back in the spot you were before you had opened the door. About to tuck yourself back in when you realize you have a guest with you, you toss the blanket open, gesturing for him to lay next to you. Jay gladly accepts, laying next to you. Closing your eyes you feel the dip in the bed  right next to you.

You two both move to get comfortable, finding it best when you’re facing each other, arms lazily thrown over each other.

“Did you just come here to cuddle?” You ask, the words barely coming out of your throat. A soft chuckle comes out of him, you can feel the vibrations of his chest when he says, “Would you mind if I said yes?”

You shake your head no, pulling him impossibly closer. He wraps his arm around your head, softly caressing it until you fall asleep.

Later, you wake up to Jay still sleeping soundly. Checking the time you realize you’ve been sleeping for at least an hour. You grab your phone from the bedside table checking your notifications and social media apps. 

In your peripheral view, the bright purple flowers stand out brightly to you. You quickly switch apps to look up the meaning of the flower.

Pressing enter you read the first box you see.

“In the language of flowers, Heliotrope symbolizes devotion and eternal love.”

A smile grows on your face, Eternal love, I could get used to that.

009 TO DRINK SOME APPLE CIDER (extra timeskip)

Sitting down at your vanity, you look over at Jay to see his familiar dyed silver hair, and a nice dress shirt. You turn back to the mirror.

“Can you believe 2024 is over?” You ask Jay, blending out the eyeshadow you’re putting on. He walks next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, laying down on you. “I’m glad I’ll be spending it with my girl.”

You cover your face feeling the warmth grow on it, slapping his arm, and he quickly pulls away, hissing at the contact. 

“Hey! What was that for?”

“For not letting me get ready.” You jokingly roll your eyes, he quickly kisses your cheek before going back to fix his shirt.

Once you finish you showcase your look, you decide to wear a satin green dress, matching Jay’s dark green shirt. You both look at your full length mirror admiring how you look.

“You look so pretty, Apple.” He says, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You smile when he does that, “You don’t look too bad yourself, Park.”

He frowns, “Don’t call me Park.” he says. You smirk mischievously, “I’m sorry, my big baby.” You tease, pinching both his cheeks. A knock to your apartment door sets you apart. You quickly let his cheeks go, a red tint fills them as you run to open the door. Chaewon and Eunbi greet you two, both holding food of some sort.

Later everyone arrives and the sound of the room grows. Laughter and banter fills the air as the clock continues to click to midnight. 

You stand off to the side, wanting a break from everyone for a little bit, taking a sip of the sparkling apple cider you’ve had in your hands the whole night. You look back up to see Jay approaching you with a smile, showcasing his matching cup.

“We both have apple cider!” He exclaims, gesturing to the amber colored drinks in both of your hands.

“What a coincidence.” You laugh, enveloping him in a hug. “Where have you been all night? I haven’t seen you since Jungwon arrived.”

“Sorry, I was just talking with them. Got caught up and then suddenly it’s minutes to midnight! Couldn’t miss my new year’s kiss with my girl could I?” 

The seconds count down as the crowd of friends all join to count down from ten. 

“Ten!” They exclaim.

“Who said you were getting one?”

“Nine! Eight! Seven!”

“I’ve been hoping for one. Would you like to be my New Year’s kiss?”

“Five! Four! Three!”

“I’d love to.” You respond,  he barely hears it before the friends scream in excitement. 

“Two!”

You close your eyes, smash your lips into his, tasting the sweet apple cider from both of your lips. He smiles into the kiss as the whole apartment celebrates. He wraps his unoccupied hand around your waist, as you wrap yours around his neck, being careful to not spill.

You finally pull away and he looks at you with a love sick gaze. You let out a breathy smile, “Happy New Year, My love.”

“Happy New Year, Apple.”

Giving him a huge hug, you look at everyone chug down their champagne drinks, laughing when Sunghoon spills on his shirt. 

“I love you.” Jay whispers.

“I love you too, Jay. I hope we spend the rest of the year together.”

“Maybe even forever.” He replies.

You look back at him, tilting your head slightly. A huge smile still plastered on your face. “Forever and always.”

taglist : @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @flwoie @kjrcrz @hsgworld @boyfhee

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[dreamersville]

my headcannons for tamaki amajiki

an? i was projecting ... just a little bit tho. a little smidget🤏🏾. but he dont get enough content and im suing the mha fandom for this !! and i had to throw in some black hcs, it was inveitable request are open

- my husband 

- you not finna sit here and tell me he dont got some corny jokes stuck up in his head. his best friend is MIRIO, i know he got some jokes floating around in that noggin, but he’s too shy to say them out loud in fear that: nobody gonna laugh or get the jokes. but on a rare occasion he tells mirio and neijere. 

- if he knows he got to meet somebody new, like when he got intern for fatgum, he writes out what he wanna say and practices in his mirror for hours on end. one time mirio popped through the mirroir while tamaki was pratatcing and left with a broken nose. 

- he snoops out all the spots where he could sneak off and hide at lunch or when he feelings overwhelmed

- if he doesnt like a certain type of food, he gonna find a way to make it taste better. so because of this he got some weird food combinations that are unappeling to the eye, but tatse soooooo goood. he brings his combinatons to fatgum so he could try them out and get feedback. 

- most definitelyyyyyyy watches cooking shows with fatgum and kiri, once he’s comfortable enough. and he really gets into with the commentary. has a strange obsession with hell’s kitchen. he always get so into the show during the finale, planning out the restaurant desgins with the contestant and his menus too. 

- relationship headcannons or wtv

- he stares at you doing simple things a lot. you could really be doing anythinggg and this man you be in a tranceee, because like how you, a star who sines so bright, be with him, he would never know. 

- he a romantic. he always dreamed of sweeping or getting sweeped off his feet, and falling hopelessly in love. he got a list of romantic things he wants to do. and now that hes in a relationship its the perfect time to cross some things (hopefully all) off of his list. he didnt tell you about it you found the notebook while yall were studying in his room. without him knowing and took a picture off it so you could help it come true. (AHHHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YALL) 

- one time he seen matching butterly pins and got them because he wanted to match with you. 

- we all know this but, he very shy when it come to PDA. so expect a lot of lingering touches, locking pinkey, occaisonal hand holding if he feeling bold that day, tends to hold on to your cholthing/accessories because he doesnt wanna drift to far apart from you, and noticed when you startoing wearing things that were easier for him to grab and fell more in love

-  but in private???? he’s a needy baby, greedy for some TLC. hes very shy to initiate it at first, but you could see the longing look in his eye and cuddle up to him. but once he comfortable enough he is start doing trying to inatate it. 

- omg if you have piercings or tattoos or anything of the sort, you could always find hims absentmindedly messing with the piercing or lightly tracing the tattoo, if youre okay with it of course. and if you want him to

- isnt really good at comforting people with his words so he tries with his actions. so if you come to him sad he has this whole sections of things dedicated to making you happier in his closet.

- when you came through with a different hairstly (braids, a wig, change of color, haircut ect.) he was stuck. stuck. stuck. cause omg omg omg you look so good. poor baby is stuck stuttering out compliments. one time you asked him to take pictures during golden hour. babes ... why would you think he could do that idk buttt he tried and they all came out blurry, but a cute blurry

- loves loves lovessss putting oil in your hair !! it always leaving the room smelling nice and it seems to relax you so win win. loves watching you stretch your hair out too. its just so satisfying to watch you do your hair. 

- he knew about some black foods from watching the shows, but he didnt know know until you cooked for him. baby wanted to get down on a knee and marry you after that first bite. now he always look forward to when you cook for him. but if you cant, you’ve got a great teacher to start learining how. he always wanted to cook with his s/o

[thingthatoncewastruee]

IM SO CONFUSED like idk if i kin remus (incredible anger issues and academia vibe) or james (people pleaser!!!!!) or lily (craving academic validation, perfectionism) or evan (parents issues, the SADNESS, being hopelessly in love FOREVER, the 'unlovable romantically' person) or barty (i just need to get tf out, i need and dont need my parents so much at the same time, anger issues as i said, but if you look at me the last thing youre gonna say is that im a barty kin) or regulus (younger sibling syndrome and EVERYTHING ABOUT IT, also just feel uncredited sometimes)

[nereidprinc3ss]

hi!! idk if you’ve heard it but i just listened to gracie abrams’ new song risk and OH MY GOD IT IS SO DYBMN!?!!?? IM FREAKING OUT they fit so well together!! like you KNOW she’s a spencer reid girlie too

omg wait i just listened and ???

“why aren’t you here in my bedroom hopelessly boring without you too soon to tell you i love you” WHATTTT YOU’RE SO RIGHT😭😭 thank u for bringing this to my attention this can be their anthem

cause like imagine the night of the phone call after they hang up and reader is just like so sad in spencer’s bed all alone being like he literally doesn’t love me and spencer is so sad in a hotel bed all alone being like she literally doesn’t love me. it’s so cinematic

[plounce]

i havent talked about my wol on here in a hot minute but ummm her lore has developed a lot :) she's co-wols with my friend hawke's wol and she has terminal tank disease and of course it goes without saying that she's hopelessly dependent on the catboy bestfriend. she's selectively mute (silent player character = autism legend) and mikh'a, because he has the echo, can understand the sign she uses (which is half cobbled out of sign languages from the shroud but also from around eorzea and half her own creation) without many wrinkles and also he's just very nice and shortly before she met him she got ejected from her family group so she was like YOU'RE MY PERSON NOW and imprinted. also in ARR she was deeply uncomfortable with any social stuff and so mikh'a handled a lot of it for her. it was a very vulnerable time in her life and she will always feel deeply grateful to him for that. but then we get to hvw and mikh'a (that's the other wol) was engaged to haurchefant before That Happened and it destroys him and he's basically out of the game for the rest of hvw msq from the debilitating grief. so that's the real genesis of her life attitude being "i have to take care of everything and shoulder all of the burdens and duties so that mikh'a has room for HIS burdens". also she has that autism feeling of like "i don't feel as much / as strongly as other people" (yknow) and it's something she really admires about mikh'a, how strongly he feels things (even as the trauma starts to make him an asshole), so. yes. he's the face and she's the shield. due to her terminal tank syndrome. anyway in shadowbringers she gets brought over to the first right before mikh'a does, like 6 months in first time, and the way that their deal works out is that mikh'a is the one who is able to channel the light into tomte so she contains it, leaving her with light poisoning and him with the light aether scraped out of him, so that she's gradually growing more and more blank and stoic and unfeeling while he gets more volatile and emotional (light = stasis, dark = change). anyway tomte decides to go off the empty alone because she's operating on her most basic MO of "other people cannot handle this burden, but i can, i must, i will" and just wakes up, has a very one-sided argument with mikh'a, and then teleports away without telling anyone her plans. and then has an even bigger fight with mikh'a in the tempest as all the scions watch in distress and discomfort and then ryne manages to get through to her and tomte like. cries. and that's a big deal. we've rp'd much of this and more.

hawke (my friend if you forgot) has been ensorcelled by bg3 so he has not played past 5.1 so my further building of tomte's co-WoL story lore canon is sort of on pause right now but i think the end of shadowbringers really freaked her out and she stops tanking because she couldn't handle it. she wasn't able to. it didn't work out and it wouldn't have worked out, and she realizes, when the light is no longer poisoning her brain, that she probably would have doomed everybody if she had gone through with her plan and walked into emet-selch's lair alone. she needed her loved ones to hold her back. and in endwalker i switched to samurai because i capped on warrior so im imagining that in endwalker she also puts down the axe and takes up a sword. still throwing herself into the middle of things, but uncertain about taking responsibility. i think this general level of uncertainty and anxiety is compounded by the fact that she's the WoL zenos is fixated on - she's the muscle, she's been the one really taking on most of the primals and lightwardens. so it's like arrrghhh everything is my fault and my arrogance and my hubris (which is so sad because she is so quiet and humble). anyway. idk how we're gonna do the azem of it all (i have numerous ideas and possibilities in my brain - maybe emet tried to resurrect azem at some point and botched it, leading to the rejoined souls splitting from the source soul, and tomte is the rejoined souls and mikh'a is the core source souls? maybe it's a 3 and 4 split? maybe tomte is a different person altogether? i just know that mikh'a should definitely be azem since his themes and story of destructive grief align really well with emet)

anyway. that's a glimpse of the evolving tomte lore. click and post

[skrunksthatwunk]

HI IT'S SQUISHY fic ask game time:

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

:3

YAHOO HI SQUISHY TY FOR THE ASK >:33

ok uhhhh uh uh

F: i think if i had to choose anything, it'd probably be the cat petting circle scene from and who do you think i'll be (without you)?, because i am. really really bad at juggling more than like 3 characters in a scene and this has FIVE and it's still really fun to read, at least for me. it's dynamic, though admittedly the attention still mostly falls on kuwabara and yusuke (sorry keiko </3 i wish you were more prominent in this one but alas) everyone carries some weight. i'm also not great at understanding (and thus writing) anger, so yusuke's bubbling frustration through the scene is like.. kinda cool to me. (a/n: eikichi is kuwabara's cat lol)

i'm also including another two from this same fic bc i think they're neat as well :)

(i'll put a transcript of the screenshots at the end under the read more)

honestly, i love writing yusuke's dialogue no matter what he's saying, so this fic's got a few moments i'm very fond of, but didn't include. anyway it's the only good thing i've ever written (<- exaggerating, but it's probably my favorite fic i've written, and maybe favorite prose piece)

i also remember enjoying some of the dialogue between sagawa and majima in tough love for loveless things, and i assume i liked a lot of the stuff for i long for you and your expert hands, but i... haven't revisited that one in a long time (idk why but i'm a little afraid to?? i haven't forgotten it though), so i couldn't point to anything specific really ^ ^'

I: hm... i think i overindulge in characters just talking about nothing, at least when it comes to my writing. if i like them, i like hearing them talk about nothing, and it tends to bloat scenes and drag on, i figure. i also tend to gravitate towards really specific intensely described points of imagery that barely come up again and totally break the flow of the scene (oops). in terms of guilty pleasures in reading, uh...? i'm kind of a sucker for werewolf stuff because i got that dog in me. im drawing a blank ig sorry <3 OH i've always been hopelessly fond of whump / hurt/comfort / sickfic STUFF. legit since i was a child. i like it when they're out of it i like it when they're woozy. and anything with dumb hijinks and/or slapstick is good to me. comedy's hard and i like seeing idiots be idiots. and really introspective/inner monologue heavy pieces are mmmmwah for writing and reading

R: oh man. whatever i'm currently reading often ends up influencing my writing in noticeable (to me) ways. one time i was writing smth for my fiction writing class and i typed out a sentence that felt at once like smth dr seuss would write (you'll never guess what unit my children's lit class was on) and a line from lolita (because that's what i was reading at the time). it's a mashup that worked weirdly well. ANYWAY to actually answer the question, the little prince ruined me as a kid, and a lot of the way i express sadness and emptiness is channeling saint-exupery there. currently, arkady martine and andzrej sapkowski have been influencing my scenery descriptions in particular, because that's what i was most recently reading, but earlier this year i remember cormac mccarthy's the road finding its way under my pen a lot. for really flowery stuff (i don't think you see it much in my fics, but it's not Never), i think of alfred tennyson's maud quite often. this is not a conclusive list im just empty brained :P

X: ohhohohohohhh. god help me but i love making all of them suffer. to love something is to vivi/dissect it. currently kuwabara is the one i'm putting through the most though (<- channeling personal issues into this orange guy), but majima and kiryu were always lots of fun to break down >:). perhaps that's the real answer to the guilty pleasure section

[SCREENSHOT 1]:

“Hey, why’s she goin’ to Kurama and you and not me?” Yusuke complained, pouting at Keiko.

Kuwabara piped up. “Maybe it’s ‘cuz they have manners, unlike some of us.”

“Or patience,” Botan offered.

Yusuke stuck out his leg and prodded Kuwabara’s arm. “Yeah, and how’re your manners workin’ out for ya? You still look like someone’s been playin’ tic-tac-toe on your hands or did she become a saint overnight?”

“Shut up, Urameshi.”

Keiko spoke up from her spot on the floor. “Aw, I think she’s just sweet. Right?” She put her chin on her folded arms and gently rubbed at Eikichi’s cheek. With a warm smile, Keiko turned her head into her arms further, squishing her face, openly endeared. “Even if she bites sometimes.”

“Finally, someone gets it,” Kuwabara moaned. “Keiko, tell Urameshi that for me, will ya?”

Yusuke didn’t buy it. “If she was sweet she’d be sweet to me, too.”

“Benevolence is nearly always conditional,” Kurama said, leaning over to rub Eikichi’s ears. “Perhaps she senses your standoffishness and simply chooses not to engage with someone who does not seem to want her.” Kurama’s brilliant green eyes swept back to Yusuke for emphasis. “You two may have that in common.”

“Wh—?!” Yusuke spluttered a bit, before settling on, “Watch it, fox boy.”

“Aw,” Botan giggled, “Yusuke, it’s alright, you know. Some of us just have an animal-like charm. Meow meow!” She hooked her hands like paws.

“Right, and I’m saying Eikichi’s not so charming. I mean, she’s been ignoring you, too, Botan, whaddyou think?”

“Oh, she’s just lovely! Simply adorable,” Botan cooed.

“Heheh, looks like you’re outnumbered, Urameshi!”

[SCREENSHOT 2]:

Rocking his chair back lazily, Yusuke noticed Kuwabara’s scratch-laced hands and whistled. “Damn, Kuwabara. It’s kinda beating you up, huh? That cat o’ yours. You look like you just fought me, only smaller.”

“For the last time, Urameshi, Eikichi’s a she! Quit it with the it crap or I’ll knock you into next Sunday brunch.” He jabbed his chopsticks at Yusuke pointedly. “And I don’t think you could get any smaller.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. She’s beating the shit outta you. But what’s with that? I thought kittens were s’posed to be all cute n’ cuddly.” Yusuke swirled his drink thoughtfully before taking a swig.

“You’ve never had a kitten, have you, Urameshi?” Kuwabara deadpanned. He had the right to do that now that he was a cat-rearing expert, as if he hadn't learned it very recently himself.

“No. ’M not really crazy about animals. Neither's my mom.” Under his breath, Yusuke added, “Knowing her, that’s probably for the best.”

“Wh—? How?!” 

Yusuke shrugged.

Kuwabara huffed. “Ugh, she’s teething right now, okay? And I haven’t got her a scratching post yet. She’ll grow out of it, you’ll see.”

“Whatever you say, man. Just try not to lose any limbs waiting for her to get manners, arright? Don’t wanna make our fights even more one-sided. That’d just be sad.”

“Yeah, right, Urameshi.” Kuwabara puffed out his chest. “Eikichi could take two o’ my limbs and I’d still wipe the street with ya.”

“Hey, try beating me with four limbs first, tough guy.”

The conversation devolved into threats and bickering from there, culminating in little more than wrinkled uniforms and mussed hair-dos, and one final exchange.

“You haven’t even met her, Urameshi, so how could you know what she’s like?”

“‘Cuz you’re carryin’ the proof right there, stupid! Look, don’t take it so personal. I just don’t feel like spending all day roughhousing with someone that far beneath my weight class, even if she is the precious little angel you say she is."

[SCREENSHOT 3]:

Yusuke lounged on the floor, Eikichi sitting on his chest and staring down at him.

“What’re you starin’ at, Stinkass?”

Kuwabara scoffed loudly, fluffing out the pillow Yusuke would use.

Yusuke smirked at him. “Oh, I’m sorry, your highness, I left my manners at home.” He cleared his throat. “What are you staring at, Her Royal Majesty the Queen Stinkass?”

“Man, why'dya only pick mean pet names to give ‘er?” It came out a bit harsher than he meant.

“What?” Yusuke began to sit up, but stopped when he remembered Eikichi’s place on him. He dropped back down and shut his eyes lazily. “These aren’t pet names, they’re, like, insults. That I don’t mean.”

“So ‘Stinkass’ is your idea of an affectionate nickname?”

“Gee, you don’t have to make it sound so damn girly. I’m just callin’ her that ‘cause I like her.”

“Ooh~ so you like her, huh?” Kuwabara sat up on his knees and—once Eikichi got the hint and clambered off—smacked Yusuke’s face with his pillow, holding it over his face. “Whatever happened to not bein’ mushy, tough guy?”

Yusuke wrenched the pillow from his grip and lazily swung it at him, not bothering to get up. “Hey, you told me she doesn’t judge about that sorta thing, right? And I’m learnin’ there’s benefits to bein’ mushy, like kicking ass better.” He shifted to crack his back, then sighed, relaxing into the floor. “I’m just sticking to my way, and sometimes that means calling her Kuwabara’s Favorite Little Shitblaster or whatever.”

[doctorweebmd]

Hiii i saw some other asks but they all had like 4 emojis so now idk if this is too much im so sorry if it is, hopefully you can answer all if you want to! Hope you have a great day! 💞🤩🧠(katsuki)🤗🍦🎶

lol anon are you kidding?! I LOVE talking about myself and my writing you are doing ME the favor hahaha

💞- Who's your comfort character?

Hmmm you know I actually never really thought about the 'definition' of what a comfort character is. Like, what's the difference between that and a favorite character? I looked it up and read a thinkpiece or two... (this is not supposed to be that deep I knoowwwwww i'm sorrryyy) but if we go by what I read, like a pseudo-parasocial-relationship, about who I think about when I'm upset or who motivates me in real life or who I just vibe with in general I'd say...

Izuku Midoriya. I can't even explain it. Like, if it doesn't have Deku in it, I ain't interested (BNHA fandom-wise.) He's flawed and overly sensitive and works SO SO HARD and is so sincere and GOOD and also INSANE SOMETIMES and he's just. My favorite. Literally no other MC can do it like him.

🤩- Who is your favorite character to write?

Hahhaha oh jeez I think my favorite to write might be Katsuki. I also really love writing Akutagawa. They both have a very particular manner of speech that I think brings a LOT of character to narration. I also write writing them both because getting a read into their inner minds is super fun, because we, as the audience, don't really get to hear their internal monologues. What do they think about? How do they think about it? Their heads are SO fucked, I just love picking them apart piece by piece lmao

🧠- Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. (Katsuki)

That he's hopelessly, painfully in love with Izuku and he thinks its unrequited.

Just joking....

...Unless?

No but this is kinda hard. My thoughts about Katsuki are actively changing with canon. He's changed so much in canon. I guess this isn't a fun one, but I truly do believe Katsuki has a... difficult... relationship with his mother. They're too similar and the kind of shit she's said about him seems really cruel and backhanded. I also wouldn't be surprised if he instilled some of Katsuki's dislike of 'quirkless' Izuku. Mitsuki doesn't strike me as the kind of woman that ever really hugged Katsuki or told him that she loved him, she expected perfection from him and he GAVE her that. I also think, at least in part, his 'bad boy act' (because we know, WE KNOW its an act) is a way to rebel against her. No hate towards Mitsuki but I think across every universe she's shaped Katsuki's self-hatred and extreme pride and belief that he's not worthy of gentleness or affection. Erhem.

Wow I made myself sad with that. Oh moms. You sure are... something.

🤗 - What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Haha I'm not sure I'm qualified to give advice! I'll definitely do my best.

I echo what lots of other people say. Just write. Whatever it is. With whatever skill you have. Get whatever story you have in your head down. It doesn't have to be perfect. Or even complete. The act of putting it into words is insanely valuable. You won't even notice yourself becoming a better writer, but it happens almost naturally.

One saying I kinda live by is 'if you build it, they will come.' None of your ideas are too 'niche' or too 'weird.' Different people connect to different concepts. Some of my most rewarding writing experiences have been from writing shit that I legitimately thought no one would read. Keep at it. Recognition is not an indicator of quality. The right people will find you.

Write your thoughts down. Even if you think its stupid. You'd be surprised how much you revisit things. I often use text-to-speech for ideas or dialogue when I'm driving. This I've started doing more recently, but when you cut things out of your writing, save them in another document or at the bottom.

Obviously, read. The more you read, the better you'll write. We're all Frankenstein amalgamations of our favorite authors. Again, you won't know what will flip a switch in your brain until you give it a shot, right? I hate to say it, but sometimes 'classics' can be that inspiration. They're survived this long for a reason. 'The Picture of Dorian Gray' and 'East of Eden' both changed my brain chemistry and they were high school reading assignments....

Gosh. I mean, not to be cheesy, but just have fun with it. Its a hobby and its supposed to bring you joy. Don't worry about updating schedules or word counts or stats. Write whats in you and let it blossom, ya know?

🍦- What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Oh jeez this is also hard because I write like... a ton of porn.

BUT. I think my sweetest fic is Battle of the Bands.

In particular I really REALLY love the epilogue chapter. That Katsuki and Izuku go on tour together.... that they have matching tattoos instead of wedding bands... THAT THEY GET MARRIED AND LIVE THEIR DREAM TOGETHER.... plus. like. the SLOW SLOW SLOW burn of it all. the love songs. the yearning. making music of feelings you cannot say aloud. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

🎶- Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

oh definitely! its kind of become an unintentional tradition. i generally start a new playlist for every fic and add things 'vibe-wise' that i already know, then randomize and add songs on that way. It sets the stage, in a weird way. And when I'm stuck, I often look for new songs for the playlist (obviously looking up lyrics and the like) so its inspiration on inspiration!

Lately I've been.... listening to some music from my emo-esque high school and early college years. I've listened to 'Death for My Birthday' by Say Anything a lot. Their self-titled album is actually pretty decent. Hate Everyone, Do Better, Less Cute, Eloise, Crush'd, Cemetery, Narcissus, I Hate You More Than I Hate My Period are all great.

But I'm also writing The Path To Paradise, so I'm listening to my 'To Hell and Back' playlist while writing it (I'm roadtripwithlucifer on Spotify.) I really like Carve Me Open by Silences but all the playlists are solid tbh. in MY honest opinion.

AHHHh THANK yOU FOR THE QUESTIONS ANON i hope the responses are okay!!! as always i ranted and overthought everything apologies forever and ever

[noahrmal]

hi everyone! i'm kat (she/her) and this is my messy son noah (but honestly, everyone in this rp is gonna be messy as hell lbr)

some brief stuff under the cut but tbh the most info is in his extremely casual bio and very basic barebones stats page. i do have some baaaaasic plot ideas below as well though i prefer messaging to plot especially when the muse is this messy 🤪

edit: i have a more specific plot ideas post here c:

as for messaging, i prefer disco/rd (thegongoozler over there) but i can be persuaded to use tumblr ims if needed!

brief tldr

noah was born in australia, and lived there until he was about 9. mostly raised by his mother, barely knew his father (running business in seoul)

his parents were technically married but basically separated

(tw: car accident, death) well, his mom dies in a car accident when he's 9 and that's when things begin to go wrong

he had to move to seoul to live with his father since he was a child... and this man is basically a stranger to him

thankfully he does speak korean so he isn't hopelessly lost but still

in early schooling (like i'm thinking ages 9-12) he was mostly quiet, lonely, sad.

something changes when he hits high school and he's suddenly a wild child (attention starved)

noah is muse f in subplot 3--so he's one of Those Boys......

tbh i just think he's so excited to have people who care about him in his life that he's willing to do anything for their approval

so he does some not so good things (bullies, cheats, lies)

he was also frequently known for hosting insane parties in his father's home when he was on business trips

and also taking his dads car for joyrides with his friends... etcetera etcetera

noah's big Plot Secret in his app is that his dad bribes/pays off an underage dui he gets on one of these Joy Rides. very few if any people know about this whole thing

anyway, at present, he's finishing a business degree at university (he hates it)

plot ideas

idk i think it'd be fun if one of his friends was in the car when he got the dui and they were sworn to secrecy

someone who was on the receiving end of noah's meanness in high school... he's not like that anymore but also he's too much of a coward to face the consequences of his past actions

someone who desperately wanted in on the subplot 3 trio? maybe they were treated nicely, maybe they weren't

i also just think that noah was probably a lot nicer when he was alone/separated from The Boys in high school--someone who didn't understand why he was suddenly an asshole when with his pals? peer pressure is a hell of a drug

obligatory section for ex friends. ex flings. ex partners, fwb, etc etc etc!!

idk please plot w/ me, this isn't my normal kind of muse so i'm sure a lot of it is going to happen in one on one discussion!!!

[theriverbeyond]

"i just don't like sad stuff" THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LOCKED TOMB [said in an affectionate, joking tone, I don't like HOTD to begin with]

VERY IMPORTANT DISTINCTION: hope

tlt has sad parts but it doesn't feel like, desolate? when i watch hotd i can only think about how all these kids are going to die violently in whatever civil war or power struggle is coming. like on a serious level it just feels hopelessly sad in a way that is extremely different from the feelings that tlt gives me.

the sadness in tlt feels like catharsis. hotd doesn't. idk it's not in conflict at all IMO

and to be clear this is NOT an artistic critique! this is a "im not personally into consuming X because it makes me feel depressed". There is a lot of very good & well made media out there that i have DNF for sadness reasons. very important.

[nomaishuttle]

TAGGED BY

@tapir and @neopronoun ty pepper ty apricot :]]

RULES

Tag ten people you want to get to know better!

RELATIONSHIP STATUS

my beeeeautiful girlfriend @halomtano Who i am dating and also were an old married couple and also were newlyweds and also engaged.. and were in lesbians with eachother. this isnt the right tense to answer this question. my relationship status isnt hal but u get it.

FAVORITE COLOR

green 4ever and ever :]] specifically ive been very into muted pastelish greens lately But i also fuck with dark green. i contain multitiudes.. ALSO ive been liking emerald green 8 im big on jewel tones rn. second favorite is pink Grins. it used 2 be purple but its a whole thing cant get into it.

SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD

omg literally today bc i didnt bring my headphones 2 work i kept flicking between songs In my head. rn idk if i have anything stuck in my head i am listening to a video rn so i cant hear my thoughts At the moment. but earlier i hsd there right there legally blnde the musical stuck in my head... so yes

LAST SONG I LISTENED TO

umm technically it was somefing in hals car but idr what song it was SAD but i liked it.. but the most recent song on MY SPOTIFY is young hearts run free . and now thats stuck in my head lets goo

3 FAVORITE FOODS

number one forever cheesy chicken and rice my baby girl my everything my bestfriend always there for me and so special. number 2 hrmmm this might be biased but country ham i say biased bc i caint have it rn (northern state skill issue). sigh. number THREE potroast probably.. honorable mentions to beef stew baked potato and kielbasa+potato Andnof course it goes without saying im hopelessly dependent on the tuney mac. yay

LAST THING I GOOGLED

'how to add divider tumblr' i thought there was like a built in post dividerand i was TRYING 2 add it on this post to seperate the tagged by and rules from the Actual questions. butterlass there isnt a built in divider ig.. b4 that tho my most recent search was buproprion LOL. bc i ws checkjng what each of my meds Actually do bc i realized i didnt rly know.. sry 4 the med reveal youve got 1/5 of my daily ones now. its like infinity stones

DREAM TRIP

HRMMM well ever since i was little and big on series of unforthnate events ive wanted 2 go to a rly foggy overcast rocky beach With tide pools. which now that im by the pacific is WAY more likely... since the pacific is like a cringefail coast the beaches r like foggy and rocky and stuff Which fits me bc i want to go to one. if i had t go to a specific place idk.. Immediate want is home but actual wish. ermmm... idk idk ive never rly thought abt travelling out of rhe country bc i assumed itd never happen LOL

ANYTHING I WANT RN

million dollars . billion as well . so yes. also i want day off tmrw buttttt that wony happen. but its ok. also i want COUNTRY HAM im hungry rn... so yes.

TAGGING

anybody who wants 2 do it :] i get scared of tagging ppl u all understand..

[sentavoarts]

Laufey album thoughts.

so today laufey posted a LOAD ton of new songs and i'm here to say what i've felt from these songs!! (caution this will have a lot of ramblings and some mentions of some irl stuff of mine so excuse me)

1st- Dreamer

so dreamer is the first on the album and honestly i LOVE it. It gen HITS like how the acapella hits at the start then the instrumental comes in gently is so MMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

This song feels like recovering from a heartbreak and finally gaining hope again and the ability to continue dreaming. Overall its amazing and it may have climbed it's way onto my favorite songs.

2nd- Second best

now this is where the irl stuff may come in. Generally the song has a gentle start and somewhere halfway some more instruments start playing. And the way that the strings kick in give it such a chill giving factor that i love in her songs.

This song reminds me of when i had this really big crush that i was so delulu about because i thought he was giving me so many signs (spoiler he didn't like me at all he liked my friend instead). Anyways this song feels like the haze after crying your heart out and the strings part is the climax of it all when another sudden wave of tears and sadness hit you and leave you so so tired. Overall the song is another BANGER.

3rd- Haunted

i find this song pretty interesting because the chord progression sounds similar to Bewitched but in a lower tone (idk i think im just crazy) and i find that so... brillant? if it actually is similar i find it gen so great considering how the songs are almost polar opposites.

and so i think that Haunted and Bewitched is like two sides of a relationship. Bewitched being the high of it and Haunted being the lows of it. "I know he don't love me quite like I love him" Is a lyric that i gen think that. This song feels like the doubts you can have in a relationships. I also perhaps think that he could refer to the other party or the doubts. Overall i really like it it has a jazzy kind of feel to it.

4th- Must be love

this song is another hit for me. I love the almost vintage vibe it gives off and how gentle it is at the start then slowly getting more confident at the end. the backing vocals and the pizzicato is so GOOD.

This song is actually amazing. At the start the gentleness is as if they really are asking "Must be love?" and the end getting louder in a way is as if they've solidified their decision as if saying "Must be love." completely sure that it is,indeed love. Overall amazing again.

5th- While You Were Sleeping

THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD. It has a warm tone to it with again gentleness and a bit of bashfulness? It genuinely is so good like the structure and how all the instruments come and deliver the same message.

This song is genuinely so me. This reminds me of the time i somewhat realized i fell in love. I remember that night after talking to them for so long i laid in bed and LITERALLY THOUGHT OF THEM. I thought of how it would be like to be with them and realized that i indeed love them. This song gives off that vibe of daydreaming of them going on a date with you during fall while in the afternoon's softer sun. Overall amazing it made me remember all the indescribable feelings i felt that night.

6th- Lovesick

This song IS SO... SO SO SO... AMAZING. gen started crying tears. everything is so PERFECT in this. It really describes how it feels to be so hopelessly in love with someone and constantly on the high from them talking to you.

This song feels like running around in a field of flowers and grass while holding hands. Then resting against a large rock and having a picnic as you watch the golden rays of the sun illuminate their eyes as they turn to you with those precious eyes so full with joy and love for you as they hand you a sandwich they made for you. UGH IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS!!! i would name my fiRST BORN CHILD AFTER THIS.

7th- California and Me

Laufey is so genuinely evil for putting this after lovesick because LET ME TELL YOU HOW IT HURTS. This song is so gentle and hurtful. it feels so raw and i love that.

This song's gentleness feels like giving up after trying so hard to keep everything together and even after trying so hard to be perfect for them you feel the hurt and the sting of still not being chosen. (it reminds me of A glass wife/ that Vyn ff on tiktok during the early stages of the reader) It's like sitting in a dark room against a window as it softly rains outside. Overall i love it but whoever hurt Laufey like this WILL PAY I SWEAR.

8th- Nocturne (interlude)

i found it. The song i want to walk down the aisle too. Its as it says an interlude. Its a wonderful mix of California and Me, Bewitched and i think promise too? Even though it doesn't have lyrics it's still so full of emotion.

This song fills me with so many emotions i can't even explain. It's so good. Idk if ya'll will find it weird but i think songs without lyrics can hit harder because sometimes there's never the right words to explain how you feel and music like this is feels like the key to understanding. Stories can be told without uttering a word at all and sometimes leaving things unspoken is a path to understanding.

9th- Promise

oh boy. I LOVE THIS SONG. the build up, the start, the vocals she delivered, EVERYTHING. It genuinely feels like hopelessness and hope at the same time and it does it so well. THIS HITS DEEP IN THE FEELERS.

this song really does a good job at delivering what it's supposed to. It really makes me feel the isolation and how you want to distance yourself but not being able to stop the urges that keep pulling you back. Overall AMAZING AGAIN.

10th- From The Start

i LOVE this song. Its really jazzy?? in a way and really light despite how it talks about desperateness and unrequited love. It's really good like every time i hear it i want to start doing a little dance.

This song is really catchy and is so real tbh. It really feels like your in love with someone with the lightness of it but your not trying to make a big deal or a show about the unrequited side. Like your trying to convince yourself it's fine. Overall i love it (i love it so much i technically have a ff in the makes named after it).

11th- Misty

It sounds so serene. Like it doesn't take place on this world. It feels so cold and somewhat warm in a confusing but comforting way. Its so jazzy and i LOVE that. The way she delivers everything in such a silky smooth way is PERFECT. the " I i in love"part SCRATCHES MY BRAIN

This song makes me feel unexplainable things. Like it feels like a blanket wrapped around you during the cold times while drinking hot cocoa while snuggled up on the couch watching a movie or reading a book. Overall im IN LOVE with the whole thing and her tone.

12th- Serendipity

this song hits. My thoughts when i first listened made me think that it would be so heartbreaking in a sad way but it isn't. It's heartbreaking in such a fluffy way. Like the gentleness and the love in her tone is making me cry.

This song sounds like my midnight talks with them and how the midnight talks are so comforting and soft. Like a soft hug on a chilly morning. It feels like the early hours of the morning when both of you are laying in bed staring at the ceiling while softly talking to each other about anything at all. Talking about that time you tripped and hurt you knee or that time you accidentally got mistaken for someone. It just feels so warm, like its home.

13th- Letter to My 13 Year Old Self

my exact thoughts when first listening to this was as followed: "im scared ooohh? this sounds interesting aw oh oh. oh this hurts OH. THIS HURTS."

This song is so so so comforting. It's like she's a parent reassuring her child expect she's actually caring for herself in the past. I love how its all completely calm and stays like that until the end. I love how everything in this song complements each other.

This song makes me remember when our teacher made us write letters for our future selves to come back and read. When i get mine back i wish to write a letter responding to everything my past self has worried about and asked to let them and myself know that it's okay. That we've grown so much and that the worries will all be okay for us. Overall it's so heartbreaking in a comforting way.

14th- Bewitched

LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVEEEE THIS SONG. its my everything. it's all so full of love. i want to propose using this song and have my wedding dance with this song. Everything delivers so well to convey the pure emotion in the whole song. The pure love and admiration being expressed.

This song makes me cry every time i hear it because of how sweet it is. This song feels like being content with your life and slow dancing with your lover at night as you both stare into each other's eyes and smile like idiots. But again as i said in the Haunted part of this, this song feels like the good side of a relationship. This song is like it portrays the relationship that people crave and fantasize about. Overall I. Love. This. Song.

-Overall on the album

Overall i really like this album and how it feels like a rollercoaster of emotions. It feels like falling in love then going through heartbreak and recovering. my overall rating of this album is def 10/10 i loved it and every song was a BANGER.

anyways that's all from my yapping session today!!! byyeeee

[paincomes]

Hello it me anon again 🧚🧚

Sorry for the absence I actually have been trying to cut down on whump consumption bc I genuinely think it’s affecting my brain and inhibiting my enjoyment of other forms of media 🦤🦤 anyway

YESSSSS like I said I cannot help but empathize with Paris!! I’m not sure why!! Perhaps bc his anger is so obviously a cover for and response to a deep, quite literally inescapable sadness 🤩🤩 he is so hopelessly trapped by the circumstances of his birth 🤩🤩 so difficult to hate someone who is responding to an environment out of their control idk!!! Don’t get me wrong he needs his shit rocked for what he did to delta (although I feel like I could write a whole other tidbit on my thoughts on that 🧐🧐🧐) but I think he deserves redemption u know!!

And the chapter u just posted about his mother made me EMOTIONAL. They were both soooo trapped by the emperor in different ways but both responded with anger and defiance (in their respective fashions) and UGH like (feral) mother like (feral) son.

I am just so excited to see Paris when he is not Literally Fighting For His Life™️. I would also love to hear more of his thoughts about delta!!! I didn’t realize he was thinking of him so much and I LOVE that and would love to hear about his GUILT >:))))) (but like I said I just want him to suffer a littleeeeee ok believe it or not I only read whump for the angst as well as kidnapping, drama stuff I don’t fuck with the torture sadism stuff at alllllll - actually the only piece of urs I haven’t read was the “Paris caught by nezu” bit I got halfway through and I couldn’t stomach it LOL)

Anyway !!! I might end up hitting u up for those spoiler-city bits you’ve written but I’m not sure if I want to spoil ittttttttt bc I am enjoying the ride ugh so I’m still undecided

Anyway love it keep up the good work 🧚🧚🙏🏼🙏🏼

omg!!!!! hiiii anon it is so lovely to hear from you!!! just saying upfront i really love your thought process and im super open to hearing you elaborate on any of this. but let me go through point by point!

i totally get what you mean about trying to cut down w the consumption. ill be honest at times i dont know if this is healthy for me in the sense that it might be too much of an indulgence or just a hyperfixation that causes me to neglect my other responsibilities. i could probably go on a longer rant about how i feel about having made destroyer as a writer and how its affected me/is current affecting me. i have a lot of thoughts on it but id be curious to hear what its like for you as well.

and yeah i really do feel a terrible amount of empathy for paris. hes so deeply human and there is truly just such a void in his life where compassion and understanding should be. he has been met with so much cruelty and for so long hes just incapable of imaging a world where there doesnt has to be. both him and delta were failed by every single adult in their life and its just devastating to imagine what could have been if theyd just been given half a chance :(

please share the tidbit about whether paris deserves to get his shit rocked for what he did to delta! sometimes i forget just how CRUEL he was and i get angry all over again haha. i can make a lot of excuses and explanations for why paris is the way he is but at the end of the day he did not need to treat delta that way.  he didnt! he just did because he could and because delta was an acceptable target and paris cant think of anyone but himself most of the time 

he does feel a tremendous amount of guilt for it now. delta is absent from crash out physically but his presence is pretty much always there. paris’s tendency to avoid talking about him is active repression of the memory and of any guilt associated with it. the next parts of crash out are ALL about this. im very excited to write them.

and yeah poor sabina :(

she deserved so much better and i think it kind of destroys paris to be learning about this after he has already perpetuated the same cycle of abuse against delta. he projects that guilt onto his relationship with lorelai out of a genuine desire to do better but its already too late! paris locked delta in the same golden cuffs that the emperor stole his mother in. sabina was one of the few genuinely positive figures in his life and he misses her a lot. you can imagine how heartbroken she would be to see the way he treated delta. and paris knows that too! he’s genuinely very ashamed of himself. honestly he has always been ashamed of himself but crash out is the point at which that shame can no longer be suppressed. the reckoning.

also agree about your tastes! my favorite flavors of whump are dehumanization, humiliation, guilt, and fucked up codependent relationships. how did you know??? im not big on sadism either. caught out is very extreme for me, kinda just a matter of establishing stakes. but funny you bring that up! sabina appears at the end of caught out in a death hallucination ❤️‍🩹 it genuinely almost made me cry while writing it lol im such a baby

hmmm i might retract the offer for the spoiler stories because i think it is better to experience things organically! what ive written now is probably confusing to read without context and will give you the wrong impression. if its any consolation we are not very far away from the canon reunion in my estimate! im trying to get there fast without rushing too much yknow? its about the journey, not the destination :)

anyway! love your insight sooooo much! if you ever wanna come off anon and talk id super recommend it. or just keep sending these! i really appreciate them!

[deceptive-daydreams]

GOD this is the fluff i have been YEARNING TO SEE FROM THEM JUST THE PURE LOVE AND AFFECTION BETWEEN THEM WITHOUT FEAR OF SOMETHING DESTROYING IT ALL IN SECONDS

although i fucking love the angst of the story and the absolute rollercoaster it has been going from the very beginning to here

i just love the whole fic okay...i hope you know i think about it all the time like all the little details you scatter throughout the story and just your whole take on EVERYTHING.

also idk if i mentioned this before but i love love love how you made reader the kid's age rather than eddie's age because it just adds more depth especially in the chapters where we see into the past where she's younger and eddie kinda sees her as a pip squeak i guess idk if thats the word but thats what came to mind. UGH *CHEFS KISS*

and then for him to just completely fall hopelessly in love and go from being this menace to such bf material FOR HER *SOBBING*

ok ok ok im not even done tho...the part about the bear within him hibernating and licking its paws I LOVE IT OKAY I LOVE IT IT GIVES SUCH AN AMAZING VISUAL IN HOW HES CALMED DOWN

ANYWAY I WILL BE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS FIC UNTIL THE END OF TIME AND IM SAD THAT ITS ALMOST OVER

master list

eddie! x fem reader

summary: 3 years later; happy birthday

I can’t believe this is almost the end. It is so bittersweet to be uploading this and thanking you all for the continued support on this story. I hope you will miss eddie + tooty just as much as I will. The epilogue is next and then a fun little surprise for you all.

trigger warnings: fluff, sweet sweet fluff 💕

Crinkly paper streamers twist down into even boughs along the cedar planked walls.  A homemade banner crafted with the best paint Melvald’s could offer, hung over the sliding patio door, freckled with glitter and deep hues of scarlet and onyx. 

  Carefully stenciled uniform letters spelling out a greeting for the birthday boy, line the banner— perfectly positioned.  

  Looking at it now, you can nearly feel the backache it caused from the leaned over pretzel position you were tangled in while attempting to make it look store bought. Instead it took hours and a ruined shirt to paint each letter with precision on your living room floor. 

  Red plastic cups were stacked in a corner on top of a cheap plastic table cloth adorned with paper plates and plastic utensils. A smaller card table from the Wheeler-Byer’s held a two tiered homemade cake, dolloped with sticky whipped strawberry frosting. His favorite.

  Polaroids of the birthday boy were placed, in no particular pattern, with sticky tack to the wall above the card table holding the presents. 

  Various shots from the past year capturing adventures big and small. He had wanted that.

  Wanted to remember every detail— an important step to moving forward, leaving the past in the dust and enjoying the second chance at life you had both been given. 

  The pictures were mostly candids, snapped in the blur of a moment, memories to be cherished for a lifetime to come. And although some of them were cheesy, or horribly cliche; they held delicate moments of the past two years of you and Eddie, together at last.

  You suck the sticky remnants of frosting from your thumb as you carefully arrange a framed picture of his graduation day just so on the table, stepping back and admiring the hard work and weeks worth of planning you had done.  

  Your fingers dance along the sharp edges of the selected photos you had given Jonathan to print for you. 8”x10”, 5”x7”, colored, sepia tone, and even black and white you had wanted to give it more of a collage feel to the project, and Jonathan did a great job. 

  The pictures varied from moments that probably didn’t need to be remembered and ones that should have been taken by a professional, but it was perfect, exactly the way you had envisioned it. 

  A snapshot photo of Eddie’s plump lips wrapped around a brown beer bottle after a night of helping Wayne paint the outside of his trailer, his signature middle finger in the air, the rings glittering with the flash— was propped next to a candle.

  One of Wayne and Eddie hugging on Christmas last year, a small tree tucked into the corner of the yellowing smoke stained walls and part of your finger covering the lens, and another one right after the first of them both looking shocked that you snapped the picture. 

  A picture of you and him, holding fishing poles on the bank of Lover’s Lake. His arm wrapped around your waist, your pole holding a sizable fish, his line snagged on moss and a tattered beat up tennis shoe, a proud smile on his face as he looked down at you, you mid laugh as Wayne teased Eddie behind the lens.

  Another of just him in black and white, asleep on the bed you shared his dark tattoos looked piercing against his bare chested. Long angelic lashes closed against pinked warm cheeks, the silver scar barely visible on his bottom lip. 

  One with Eddie and the boys, sitting in the backyard, the tails of the fire licking into the sun fading sky, his hands wild in the middle of explaining a campaign idea. 

  A candid of Steve, Eddie, Robin and Dustin wearing their tuxes and running into the ocean. Shoes snug into the sand and socks left forgotten. Steve’s white jacket thrown into the air, half of a laughing, Leighanne all dolled up and beautiful on their big day. 

  A photo from the same day, but of only you and him, your lips perched on his cheek as he held you in his lap in the back of a limo. His other cheek sparkling with the residue of a lipgloss kiss, one hand holding your strappy lavender heels, the other wrapped around your waist. His dimpled smile wide and toothy.

  And finally, your favorite one: one of just you and him, dressed in your homemade costumes as Mario and Luigi. A felt mustache falling from under your nose,his white gloved hands holding up rock n’ roll. Right before you two had won the Halloween costume contest at Nancy and Jonathan’s house. 

  Wayne had brought baby pictures that he had dug out of an old box in the forgotten storage shed when you had moved in. Dust lining the frames showing a brown haired baby with doe eyes, drooling over a washcloth while in the sink for a bath. A curly haired toddler with a big smile while on the swings at a park. And many more that were placed around the house. 

  The most special of them all sat on Eddie’s bedside table: a woman with soft honey muddied curls sweeping down to the middle of a white blouse, sunglasses pushed into her hair atop her head, kissing the forehead of a baby swaddled in a blanket.

  “Tooty!” Gareth called from the kitchen, “phone call!” 

  You set the napkins next to Nancy who was meticulously adjusting the m&m dish  into its correct place. Trying to balance out the clashing colors with the black and red theme. 

  “Looks perfect as always, Nance,” you murmur as you squeeze her arm gently when you pass her. 

  She huffs in disapproval, sweeping a permed curl behind her ear, her finger to her lips as she tuts, “it’s missing something.” You squeeze her arm again and trot into the living room. 

  Gareth is holding the blue phone by the long cord twirling it around like a pair of nunchucks, shoving the last bits of a hot dog in his mouth, ketchup wedged into the corner by his lips. “ it’s Hig D,” he announciates horribly, “somthin’ about heddie— shit that’s good— something about them just getting ready to leave work.” 

  laughing at him you can only roll your eyes, “you’ll make a good whore someday deep throatin’ like that,” you tease, taking the phone from his hand. 

  Gareth chuckles and shoves your shoulder, “haven't had any complaints yet, Oh! By the way, I need a three day extension on rent. Cool?” 

  Rolling your eyes again, a smile escapes your lips as you flip him off. 

  Of all of Eddie’s friends, Gareth was the hardest one to crack, but now he was easily your favorite. He reminded you a lot of Eddie in high school. A wild haired mess, always down for a crazy adventure to surely land him into trouble. But a big ol softie when it came down to people he cared about, especially Will. 

  Curling your fingers around the telephone cord, you talk into the receiver, “hey D, what’s up?” 

  —-

  Argyle and Jonathan arrive through the front door, smelling like purple palm tree delight and balancing pizza boxes in their arms. 

  Robin spins at least a dozen times trying to find a place for the tower of cheesed pie and nearly knocks into Jonathan in her pursuit of frenzy. The boys slide them into place onto a card table against the kitchen wall, a photo of you and Eddie holding the keys to Hop’s cabin with wide grins on your faces hanging above it. 

  The brisk May breeze flows through the house, flickering the candles and making the helium balloons bump into one another in a lazy staticky dance. 

  A blur of red stalks into the house holding two bottles of liquor in each hand, a baseball hat backwards on her head, “hope Eddie likes whiskey because that’s all Walt would sell me,” she says heaving the bottles onto the counter in a clunkered manner, wiping the sweat from her freckled forehead, sporting a fresh new bob cut all thanks to you, “stubborn ass, he charged me nearly double,” she huffs, folding the paper sacks haphazardly, “son-of-a-bitch wouldn’t even let me use my employee rate!” 

  “Thanks for getting it Maxi-pad,” you say over your shoulder stifling a giggle from the old nickname you hadn’t called her since middle school, “Eddie’ll drink beer from a boot as long as he got a buzz from it—let me know what I owe you.” 

  She spins on squeaky sneakers and grabs a slice of pizza from one of the leaning boxes, squishing the greasy cheese between her teeth, talking with a mouthful “quit— we’re square for all the times you’ve come over since moving back.” 

  A sad expression falters behind the mask on her porcelain complexion. But she’s quick to shove it all away. It had been months since she’d been back in Hawkins, and your friend since elementary school was just starting to get her life back into order.

  “Eddie’s offer still stands by the way,” you gently whisper, turning away from placing candles into the pink frosting to give her a quick squeeze, the fringes of your friendship mending together after years of not really speaking. 

  Holding Max at arms length you raise your eyebrows at her, “I’m serious,” a clip in your voice that even Nancy would envy. 

  She shrugs quickly and looks back with wet blue eyes, not willing to let her guard down on the eve of a party, “I’ll think about it,” her jaw set tight. 

 “Let's have fun tonight, okay?” she begs, “it isn’t every day Eddie’s old decrepit ass turns forty.” 

  The giggle she was hoping for to ease the tension tickled your throat, “he’s twenty nine, Maxine,” you tease back. 

  “Oh-ho-ho,” she chuckles, crossing the linoleum to the fridge in a swift motion, throwing open the door and leaning into the illuminated box, fingers dancing along the brown neck of a Bud Light, a smug smile on her salmon lips, “government names huh, T? I’ll remember that.” 

  —

  Will and Mike were in charge of moving vehicles behind the north tree line away from the driveway and out of sight. Each car owner silently held their breath and the litter of anxiety rising higher as Mike got behind the wheel of each car. 13 tickets by Hopper’s deputies hadn’t slowed him down yet. 

  Leighanne, and El had just finished hanging the decorative white lights on the back deck and around the trees. The backyard looked like a little cozy oasis. And it warmed your soul to see it all come together. 

  It was rough when you had first moved in here. Hopper had a buddy who owned the cabin you now call home. It was far from town but hadn’t been renovated in years. Nothing a little elbow grease and nights after work wouldn’t fix, it took six months with help from just about everyone you knew, but the place was perfect. 

  And after everything that happened in Hawkins, Eddie’s promise stuck. 

  He got you both out. Started a new life away from the wandering eyes and whispered lies. Even after he was cleared, people still wouldn’t let it go. 

  But, the cabin was everything you could imagine and more. Perched into a thick grove of trees. Secluded. Secretive. Exactly what you both needed. 

  It was  heaven. 

  Lounging on blankets in the soft grass, bare toes curled into the soft comforter, the girls sat back and laughed as Steve nearly tipped over the entire pan of grilled burgers and hot dogs.  

  “Yeah laugh it up you two!” Steve scolded playfully, tugging and shoving a hand into the thick tuft of hair on his head, “you won’t be laughing when there’s nothing to eat!” 

  “Such sass from The Grill Master,” Leighanne giggled, covering her mouth with a delicate hand, a large diamond on her ring finger.

  Before Steve could whip up something cheeky, Arygle’s smooth baritone voice broke amongst the laughs, “Damn my dude,” he chuckled, leading Eden’s small frame through the patio door, “smells good out here.” 

  Steve huffs again, “Thanks, I’m just doing what I’m told, don’t mind the peanut gallery back there,” he gestures with his spatula to the two giggling gals on the blanket. 

  The keg was perched on the small back deck, ice melting slowly around the tin base. Steve had been grilling burgers for the last half hour, smears of grease rubbed on the bottom of his red apron embossed with fancy lettering, kiss the cook.

  “And you’re doing it man,” Argyle salutes him as a fellow culinary soldier, “it’s art what you’re doing dude, pure fuckin art—like Picasso if he was a chef… piSteveo.”

  “Okay man—yeah, I get it,” Steve says all in one breath, rolling his eyes and cracking a grin back at his bride who was biting her own cheek and trying not to laugh. “Dustin and Susie ride with you?” 

  “Yeah,” Eden scowls, crossing her legs and dragging Argyle down to sit on the picnic bench, her black pixie cut fluttering in the light breeze resembling a real life goth tinkerbell, “that four eyed little shit kept going on and on about the ecosystem and methane gas or whatever, so yeah they’re here— probably terrorizing everyone else about the election or some shit.” 

  Steve snorts and flips another burger onto the grates, the sizzle of charred seasoned beef signaling the first signs of summer, “sounds about right.” 

  “Alright guys,” you say stepping through the sliding patio door, the sun close to setting in the west taking the warmth with it, “D said they’re just leaving so everyone get in position.” 

  -

  “..I’m just sayin’ is all,” D barks, finishing wiping the grease from a gas station bean burrito on the back of his hand from his pudgy lips, “I’ll give you top dollar for it.” 

  Eddie took another sip from his Mt. Dew, barreling down the highway and thumping his thumb along the steering wheel, contemplating heavily on what Big D had been asking of him. 

  “fuck I dunno man… it’s like a part of me y’know?” 

  Eddie rubs the beginning of his scruffy chin, unable to grow a full beard even though he’s nearly in his thirties, Peter Pan syndrome hitting him square in the jaw. 

  “had it since I was fifteen, fixed it all up with my uncle,” he mumbles lighting a cigarette between his teeth, “it’s a staple to the Munson name.” 

  D rolls his eyes and tosses the foil wrapper to the floorboards of Eddie’s truck. “that was like twenty years ago man, you don’t even drive it anymore.”

  Eddie chuckles through a cloud a smoke, turning the steering wheel to the right down the hidden driveway, overgrown grass on both ends of a rotted through fence post, “easy there asshole— ‘sides, thought you were buying Jeff’s mom’s car?” 

  D slides belches loud and throws his chubby hand out the window, fresh air wiggling his fingers slowly, “I did, just gotta fix it up, but the van would be my daily driving chick magnet.” He wiggles his eyebrows like two black caterpillars dancing a tango. 

  Eddie smiles to himself, memories of past times booze cruising to Rick’s and hauling band equipment to the Hideout. Times long gone and fading like the moon into dawn. 

  A time when he was ruthless, chaotic and hungry for the world’s shittiness just so he could add his own fucked up version to it. A big fuck you to anyone who ever doubted him. 

  A time before you were officially his. 

  Nowadays the bear inside of him was tame, licking its paws in laziness, hibernating with the sounds of a calm beating heart. Fed and cared for, content. 

  “We’ll see,” he replies, blowing smoke out of the corner of his mouth, “you still owe me $40 for that service you gifted to that waitress last week, fucker.” 

  “Pffft,” D says lighting a cigarette, “take it out of my check boss man.” 

  Eddie cranked his lips into a smirk, it still didn’t feel real.

-

  The roar of Eddie’s diesel truck echoes along the tree line, vibrating against the fallen branches from the late winter storm that snapped full grown Red Oaks like matchsticks when the ice built heavy onto its branches. 

  The cabin lights were dim, curtains pulled tight to barely show the glimpse of any crack of light. It wasn’t unusual, your lives were kept pretty private after everything that happened, doors always locked. 

  “The hell?” Eddie grumbled, wiggling the stick into neutral with the palm of his hand and killing the engine, the old dodge sputtering out to quiet, “thought you said Gareth was comin’ over to practice tonight?” 

  D fumbled for words, reaching for the metal door handle “no, yeah he’s here— maybe Will dropped ‘im off.”

  Eddie quirked an eyebrow, the exhaustion from work taking over his features as he let out a loud yawn and arched his back against the velour seats, he climbed out of the pickup, lunchbox in tow. 

  “alright man, ‘m just gonna shower quick,” he hooks a thumb behind his shoulder, walking up the stone path to the front door, “think Tooty still has the hose hooked up if you wanted to rinse off.” 

  D stomps around the truck, leaning a thick arm onto the hood, “don’t make any special accommodations for me dude, I’m cool.” 

  “Yeah yeah you’re pretty cool alright,” Eddie said climbing the two steps with heavy footsteps, and putting a brass key into the knob, twisting it in his grasp, “why’d you think I had the window dow—”

  Eddie is almost knocked back into the wall by the room full of his friends shouting surprise! as he entered the cabin. 

  Shock and a racing heartbeat wash away to a dimpled smile and squinted eyes. It was worth the weeks of planning and aligning everyone’s schedules to make it all work out. And in the end, the crowd turned into a blur when you peaked your head behind the kitchen wall grinning wide at the handsome man at the door. 

  His girl. His one and only. Spoiling him with a surprise party. Mouthing “happy birthday baby,” from across the room with a warm smile that still was able to tinge his cheeks in the prettiest shade of bashful. 

  Backs were slapped and shoulders clapped as Eddie made his way around to the guests. His smile was wide and toothy, lighting up the room with his deep laugh and dimples. 

  He hugged friends like he hadn’t seen them in years, pressed cheek to cheek and apologizing later for grease smudges left on their shirts. 

  “Shit,” Wayne breathed, as he stepped into the doorway, finding you immediately and looking sympathetic, “sorry we’re late, the missus was wrappin’ a last minute gift.” 

  Nancy and Mike’s mom stood tucked beneath Wayne’s arm. Four gifts wrapped tight and pristine, held in her arms. The alimony from Ted was still treating her more than well. 

  “Wayne,” Karen giggles like a schoolgirl, a long manicured hand to his denim jacket, dismissing him with a wink, “here Tooty,” she gleams, walking towards you with her arms outstretched, embracing you in a hug, “it’s just a little something for the two of you, saw it at the mall and couldn’t resist!” 

  It was an adjustment for the youngest Wheeler when Karen left Ted. Nancy and Mike didn’t seem to care, having already been moved out of the house and living their own lives. But Holly took it hard, refusing to see her mother at all. 

  “It’s perfect thank you Karen,” Eddie said, sneaking around you, his fingers dragging along your lower back  and down your hip, sending shivers to your core. A quick wink to you as he grabs the gifts from her and Wayne. 

  He was happy for them, he had never seen Wayne with someone who treated him so well before  in his life, he gave his shoulder a squeeze, “next time put your glasses on so you can see while driving, might get here on time, old man.”

  Wayne rolled his eyes and put Eddie in a headlock, “I ain’t here to see you anyhow, came to see my favorite daughter in law to be if you’d just marry her already, didn’t even know it was your birthday you little punk.” 

  “Yeah yeah,” Eddie scoffed, “that’s why it says ‘Ed’s birthday’ on the calendar in your office, right? Because you didn’t know?” 

  Wayne releases Eddie and gives him a side hug, “been celebratin’ this day for twenty-three years with y’ boy, I ain’t never forgettin’” 

  Karen was always like a mother to you. The Wheeler’s held such a special place in your heart, and you’d always be grateful for the kindness both her and Ted had shown you when you were growing up. Seeing her now with Wayne surprisingly wasn’t that odd. They balanced each other well. 

  Wayne pulls you into the other side of him, keeping you and Eddie under each arm, “looks real good in here darlin’” He says, looking down at you with icy blue eyes, “sure am glad  y’ learned how to tame this wild li’l shit.” 

  you smile up at the Munson’s and Eddie sticks out his tongue at you. 

  “Now,” he says addressing only Eddie, “I swear on my mama and daddy’s graves, Ed, you better marry this girl someday or ‘m gonna hang y’ from your toes by that clothesline out back.” 

  Eddie rolls his eyes, but before he can speak, Nancy  waves at her mother and stands atop a metal chair.

  “Alright everyone, let’s go out back and we can start eating.”

  Once the room emptied it was just you and Eddie. The tension was always thick in every room you were in with him, electric in ways that buzzed between your legs and made your head feel fuzzy. 

  You waited your turn patiently. 

  Eddie coins a coy grin behind his plump lips, walking with his hands behind his back and moving his shoulder low, cocking his head. 

  Your hands, busy themselves with arranging presents, fingers slipping between the silky ribbons and plucking the ends to watch them curl.  Warm arms surround your waist and you act surprised and let out a squeal. 

  He sets you down and pushes the collar of your shirt to the side, pressing his lips like angel’s wings to the skin on your shoulder, relishing in the way the goosebumps crawled across your flesh. 

  “Eddie,” you hum, working your fingers behind you to pull on the tendrils of sweaty hair tucked behind his neck. 

  “Hmm?” He breathes hot across your neck, working his way up to the dainty gold necklace, the same one brandishing the ring he gave you for Christmas in 1992, nothing compared to the one he was eyeballing at the jewelry store in the mall. 

  Rubbing the underside of your chin with the bulb of his nose, you shudder and feel his grin on your skin, “all of this for me?” 

  You nod and whine when a large hand dances across the waist of your jeans. And almost let out a moan when he nips at your earlobe. 

  Eddie’s work days were long but the nights spent between the sheets were longer, both of you never getting enough of each other. The passion and static was always there. 

  “Wanted to surprise my birthday boy,” you breathed as your head fell back into his shoulder, and he bucked his hips into you, pushing you into the rickety table and shaking the presents. 

  “You’re too good to me,” Eddie whispered into your ear, his fingers digging into your hips. “How am I ever going to thank my pretty gir—?”

  “Hey you guys comin’ or what?” Steve asks, hands on his hips and a scorch mark on his apron, “Nancy’s making a fucking seating chart out there, and I really hope you have liability insurance because Argyle is trying to teach Dustin yoga.”

  Eddie takes his lips from your neck and turns to face Steve, “I mean, we coulda been if you hadn’t barged in.” 

  “Eddie!” you laugh, slapping his chest lightly, and straightening your shirt, “we’ll be right out Steve, just going to give Eddie his birthday present.” 

  His eyes sparkle in mischievous wonder, “oooh you think we have time?” He says unbuttoning his work blues, “I like the way you think dirty sweetheart.” 

  You roll your eyes and tug him down the hallway to your bedroom. 

  “Jesus Christ,” Steve mutters under his breath, shaking his head and making his way through the patio door, “nah don’t worry I’ll entertain the guests,” he says in annoyance, “maybe we can play parcheesi or hotdog Jenga.” 

  —

  “Don’t peek!” 

  “Oh c’mon!” 

  “Eddie.” 

  “Ugh fine, but you better be naked or I’ll pout.” 

  “Such a brat...”

  “Don’t act surprised babe.” 

  “Alright open, but I am very much still dressed, that part of your present is later tonight.” 

  Eddie had showered and was getting dressed shoving his feet into a worn pair of converse when you waltzed into the room, a small oblong box behind your back. 

  Dropping the carefully wrapped present into his awaiting hands, he holds the box like a carton of eggs. One eye peeked open, “well,” Eddie says rubbing the corners of the box with the calloused pads on his thumbs, “this doesn’t feel like a puppy.” 

  “You poor boy,” you tease with a shove to his shoulder, and a kiss to his cheek, “how will you ever live?” 

  Eddie tears the paper with a hook of his finger where the tape joins the pieces, wet tendrils of hair dripping water marks onto the wrapping, “it’ll be hard but I think I’ll manage.” 

  Biting your lip in anticipation you watch as Eddie tears the paper in boyish glee. And you aren’t sure who’s smile is wider when he finally opens the small rectangle shaped box. 

  It took awhile to save up for it. Cutting countless heads of hair in the renovated room above Master Mechanic’s, the auto shop Eddie co-owned with Wayne in Bridgeport, and earning a small wage by cleaning houses for a few hours on the weekends. 

  But every scrubbed toilet, every rolled perm rod was worth it when Eddie opened his present. 

  “It's about time you saw them live, yeah?” 

  Tickets to Metallica, the same gift. But this time with the promise of actually going and witnessing their magic. 

  “Oh baby,” Eddie nearly cried, running his fingers over the inked words carefully, he set the tickets down on the comforter and wrapped his hands around your waist pulling you into him, “why are you so good to me?” 

  And just like the first time he asked you, years ago, before you were his and he was yours. When you were just roommates exchanging gifts on Christmas. You told him what you should have then. 

  but you don’t fight to find the words anymore, or wonder if it’ll sound dumb. Everything you've been through with Eddie you could never imagine living life with anyone other than him. 

  The words come easy, and it’s one of the truest things you’ve ever said. 

  “Because you’re a good man. Because you’re the reason I wake up smiling every morning. Because I have never loved anyone the way that I love you, and I’ll always, always regret not telling you sooner.” 

  Eddie smiles with a quivering lip and you lean down to wipe the tears from his eyes, his arms wrap around you tight like a vice grip.

  Looking into his eyes, he somehow looked better with every year passing, truly aging like fine wine, and you were drunk on him.

   “Don’t cry on your birthday baby, it’s supposed to be a party,” you smile warmly at him, bringing his chin up a bit

so you can press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

  Pulling you into him so you’re straddling his hips, he whispers an I love you into your ear with your real name attached at the end, all satiny on his breath like a Hershey kiss.

  You don’t hear your God given name very often, having hated it for as long as you remember. Stubbornly telling everyone at a young age that your name was Tooty. Even writing it on all of your school papers as early as kindergarten. 

  But when Eddie said it, it set your soul on fire. Like a secret kept finally being told. Like another wall breaking down with him holding the sledge hammer. Like the first bite of a warm brownie from the oven. It felt good. 

  He presses slow kisses into your neck and moves his large hands to rock your hips against him, “you’re never gonna get rid of me, you know that right?” 

  “Fuck I hope not,” you whisper as you nip at his bare  shoulder,  “I made your favorite cake for tonight and everything.” 

  “Mmm,” Eddie purrs against the column of your throat, “strawberry?” 

  Gathering skin between your teeth you suck a small bruise into his pale neck, tongue swirling soft then firm, his pretty noises filling the bedroom walls. 

  “Yep,” you breathe with swollen lips, and popping the ‘p’, “extra frosting.”

  “Lady evil at it again,” Eddie teases, capturing your lips into a hungry kiss, his hands scoring down your back and bringing your hips impossibly closer to where you were both aching. 

  You giggle as he breaks away, and tickles your sides. He flips you onto the bed. The bulb of his nose wedging between your neck and shoulder as his hips hold you in place, his fingers dig into your armpits, and your ribs. 

  You laugh until your face is red and your neck is slick and painted with a stain of raspberry teeth marks and the lap of his tongue licking the bites better. 

  He gives you a wicked grin, out of breath and his lips swollen, his demeanor changes into something serious. 

He holds his hand on your cheek, sweeping your skin delicately with the pad of his thumb, holding you so gently as if you were made of porcelain, “I’m gonna make you my wife.” 

  Your fingernails scratch lightly down his chest, skipping over the tattoo of little angel wings and a halo for the unborn child you didn’t get the luxury of holding, matching the one on your inner arm. The date etched below in Eddie’s own handwriting. 

  It wasn’t the only new tattoo he had gotten since that day.

  He also had a mockup of a cartoon lady, devil horns on her head and a long black demon tail wagging behind her, that sat on his bicep. A pout identical to yours on her pretty little face, arms crossed in a fit.  ‘my girl’ in old English font beneath her little stiletto heels. 

  Your fingertips trace the lines of blank ink on his chest. And you lift your eyes to his. 

  Opening your soul to him for the millionth time, spreading its wings and joining with his into that dream land he swore he’d take you to, dancing on the rings of Saturn, bathing in the springs of Jupiter. 

  He smiles softly and so do you, heart soaring and beating fast, “about damn time,” you whisper softly just before his lips close around yours.

  Although your life would never be the same after that awful day, the one you were crafting and coloring outside the straight black lines with Eddie by your side, was pretty damn great. 

  And you wouldn’t change a thing.

🤧

🏷️

@bebe07011 @dashingdeb16 @hiscrimsonangel @luxaeterna13 @enam3l

[thefunniestguy]

Ueueue ray isn't allowed to watch anything , soooooobs /j /lh