#but im just done with its not worth it. im always the one getting hurt and im done getting close enough to let it happen again

[scarlettmurphy]

STARCROSSED +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.

logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then your father by a good 100 years.. and whose in love with another.

- content warning age gap. nsfw. sh. angst. not really happy endings! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader

spoiler: horrible yearning!

note this is my first piece of work so i hope it’s okay! i love logan sm i had to write something for him — and this is really angsty :) pls ignore if there’s any bad grammar! i’m a bit lazy rn, also with the timeline for this fic i have no idea when im going for. im saying 2000s-2010s just remember its a bit scrambled timeline wise cos i wanted my favs here!🤭 enjoy!

you hated when he was around. you couldn’t stand it anymore. your longing glances to him, the yearning looks you gave him which were never returned and only thrown back into your face when you saw how he was looking at jean the way you looked at him.. it had all been getting too much. at first you acted like it didn’t bother you and part of your school-girl crush deluded brain pretend you were just seeing things but as the weeks / months had passed you realised that was the furthest thing from the truth.

recently you couldn’t even bring yourself to glance at him because it hurt too much and that wasn’t even being dramatic, the aching feeling in your heart wasn’t worth getting a glimpse of his timeless beauty so every time he was around you bit down the urges swallowed your pride and acted as if he was nobody to you, just a good friend. a father figure, a teammate.

it felt rude at first, to you since you were the only one noticing it, how you just stopped all those little things you were doing but you couldn’t help it or stop yourself from being like that because it was too hard to deal with — loving someone so much with all your heart but you knew you couldn’t have them. you hated to admit it but it destroyed you and that little part of you right now was falling into a full blown rage as you sat on the sofa alongside logan and wade — charles, hank, scott and rogue being present in the room too.

“i just don’t get her.” scott said out, repeating the same line over again, still bitching about the fight him and jean had after they all got back from the mission — everyone could hear the screaming and scott’s harsh gaze when he entered the room just confirmed it all and the second,of course, logan asked a question after wade made a snarky comment that set off scott and he hadn’t stopped mansplaining it since.

“yea’ well certain people don’t.” logan gruffly spoke out as y/n couldn’t stop her eyes from moving over to him at his words, feeling a sense of hurt coarse through her like it usually did whenever he spoke about jean or implied her. everyone knew what logan’s comment meant and y/n could see how scott was biting his tongue, clearly pissed off like he always was around logan. for good reason.

the tension only grew worse when scott couldn’t help himself and made a comment right back at him, his eyebrows raised as he stood from his seat. charles attention turning right to scott instead of logan, “and what’s that supposed to mean, asshole?” scott spat out like his words were venom.

rogue rolling her eyes at his words as hank shared a little glance with y/n who was cursing the entire situation in her brain as she couldn’t stop herself from looking at logan — those very same feelings boiling in her body as she saw the way his mouth twitched and his jaw clenched. how protective he was getting over jean, a feeling y/n couldn’t help have been wishing for the past two years of knowing the man he would get like over her — sure in a friends way he might’ve done it before, at least that’s how she saw but it never like this.

y/n swore she could physically feel her heart aching.

“pretty sure you know what that means pal.” logan bit back harshly, his words falling to the same tone as scott’s did as scott scoffed at what he said as he bit back with full frustration as charles clearly wanted to get involved - a little grimance pictured on his face as y/n studied her fathers expression, him clearly knowing what jean meant to logan, as y/n looked away before her dad could catch her staring her eyes falling onto a pissed off scott who downed the drink he had in his hand, placing it on the table.

“she picked me.” was all scott needed to say as the weight in the room shifted heavily on logan’s end as everyone could see the way logan’s face dropped a little, that comment taking the little coy expression he had right away but y/n didn’t even bring herself to look, scott’s eyes taking her in as if he knew what she was feeling in this moment. his eyes meeting her own as y/n felt a lump form her throat — the tightness almost burning — as he tutted at how silent logan was before he walked out the room without another word.

with this the room fell silent. everyone knowing the feelings logan must’ve been harbouring right now, y/n especially, as she glanced over to him not expecting to be met with his brown eyes looking back at her as he took in her expression before he roughly got up without another word — going right over to the door.

chaeles couldn’t help himself as he spoke up firmly the second he watched logan head for the door, “logan—“

“just goin’ for a piss, wheels.” he roughly said back before the door shut right behind him.

“more like a bitchless weaping session.” wade couldn’t help say as he had left the room, hank and rogue not being able to help their little laughs from coming out as y/n bit down on the inside of her cheek limiting the feelings she was experiencing as much as she could before she stood up.

“—i’m going to shower.” y/n said out lowly, her words slipping out quickly as the others nodded or hummed in agreement, wades eyebrows furrowing as he clearly felt he knew more of the situation then the rest did but he kept that to himself.

“take some pics for me!” wade called back to her, earning a little look from charles as hank scoffed in reply.

— +ੈ✩‧₊˚

that shower was more like watching a re run of singing in the rain which y/n couldn’t help watch the entirety of for no specific reason before she eventually hoped in the shower. the faint sounds of her speakers being heard as she hummed along to the lyrics of the specific song as she felt the cold water glide down her naked body.

swallowing the pain-filled whimpers that were aching to escape her wet lips as she acted as if the water gracing against all those marks and burns on her skin wasn’t killing her inside despite her ‘little’ case of immortality. immortality sadly didn’t mean you never experienced pain and y/n was clearly the leading case proving that matter as she soon got out the shower after washing her hair and her body.

wrapping the towel around her dainty body as she took in herself in the mirror, the thoughts forming in her brain being within the ‘self loathing’ category as she exited her bathroom. her face falling once she was met with the gruff expression on logans face which turned to one of shock as his eyes scanned over y/n immediately. him swallowing his own spit as y/n hands immediately wrapped around her towel just to make sure it wouldn’t fall.

“lo— shit, i didn’t know you were here.” she quickly managed out, her face a bright shade of red as she watched as logan didn’t move his gaze off her figure.

“—wait.” not a single word escaping his lips as y/n walked over to her bed where her clothes were laid out for her.

y/n’s breath was hitched and she swore she felt all the heat rush to her face as she took in the way logan was just staring at her as she grabbed her clothes with her other hand, taking a few steps back into the bathroom before she swiftly shut the door. her mind a mess as she quickly put on her pajamas before she sprung over to the mirror to double check her appearance before she walked back out to her bedroom.

logan being in the exact same place she had left him — not a single word had left his lips and his facial expression was the exact same as y/n nervously smiled at him.

“what are you doing— uh, here?” y/n asked him swiftly, her words rushed as she swore she could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she saw logan slowly seem to come back to reality, scratching the back of his neck as his lips parted as he tried to say something.

yet it took a little for something to come out as y/n swore she felt something growing in the air as logan finally spoke, his gruff tone a little knocked back then usual, “was coming here to bitch about scott. didn’t mean to see anything i shouldn’t have.”

his words sent a little chill through y/n’s spine as she managed a little smile on her lips, no matter how fake it was she still managed it, as she looked at him. his first words being all the confirmation her heart needed in this moment as she held back her feelings as she felt her heart tense.

“it’s okay.” y/n rolled out quietly, her attention falling over to her bed as she walked over to the foot off it — sitting down on the edge of the bed as logan stayed in place, his arms crossed as he leaned against the fireplace in her room now.

“so scott, you wanna bitch?” y/n trailed off into as logan looked out the window, seemingly lost in his thoughts as he shrugged his shoulders.

“nah, not anymore.” he said, his voice low as y/n took in his hush voice — his words only adding to the building up tension that was making the air thick as y/n looked at him. her eyes taking in every inch off him and how he looked, her mind wondering how he’d feel.. how’d he’d taste.

yet her thoughts were immediately cut short.

“—you seen jean about?”

his words were like a harsh hit round the face as she felt a lump for her in throat, her mind tingling a little as she glanced over to the door. she hated this, every inch of this. she wanted to scream, punch him in the face. confess right there and there at him but she didn’t. she couldn’t.

no matter how much it killed her inside. every second without him being like a gun shot to the heart as she plainly looked back at him, a soft smile growing on her face which was so fake it was indescribable as she nodded to her bedroom door.

“her room, i guess.”

her low words were enough to make anyone know she was hurt yet of course logan didn’t, or he didn’t show he knew as he gave her a playful wink.

“thanks bub.” he said with a nod as he went to walk out the room — his hand on the door when y/n heard his muttered words.

“sleep well y/n.”

his words fell into silence as y/n watched him leave, the door closing behind him being the utmost reminder of how her feelings will probably never be acknowledged. and that harsh reality left her alone in her bedroom for the entire night and with every toss and turn her mind was on one thing and one thing only. him.

— +ੈ✩‧₊˚

[miwiheroes]

my favourite fics

making this while drunk after reading a reallyyyy good byler fic in bed at midnight just chilling like a blade of grass i love it

u can probably tell my taste in fics after seeing this lol

he likes it scalding by CastleByersAfterDark - domestic, slice of life fic where will has a bath after a cold miserable day and its written so well like i feel the love theres so much loveee

Say It With Your Hands by Pseudologia - the only time you'll ever catch me reading a different first meeting fic. just so cute, byler meet at a movie theater (working) and mike's obsessed with him

a bed in your shape by passerine_in_jade - omg the angst was angsting but it was so realistic as well i loved it, the payoff ended up being so good.

A Blue Christmas by kwritessometimes - the most carefully and beautifully written fic about mikes coming out to his family. it perfectly shows the connection between him and will's family too, and ughhhhhhh i cried

but if i'm all dressed up (worth it for once) by castlebyer (loverslakes) - regency era england fic. i rarely ever read byler fics in an alternate timeline but omg this was so good and just as i imagined it.

nothing else i could do by astrobi - mike and will live together and they get a dog and then they kiss or smth idk i havent read it in a while but its astrobi so its good

if you kissed me now by astrobi - cute lil secret relationship fic and byler are just so soft and are actually realistic teens in this ugh

i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this) by burgandyshirts - oh this is the funniest ever, there is a miscommunication where mike thinks he's dating will but will has no idea <3

said that i was fine, said it from my coffin by ruetistic - really sad about byler being gay in the 80s where mike gets hurt by people but its hurt/comfort so dw

feeling like the opposite by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - such a good and memorable love confession on mike's part, also college byler teehee

i have everything i wanted by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - series of one shots of byler that all follow an amazing format basically catered to my fave tags on ao3 HAHA

(give me a second to) forget i ever really meant it by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - one of the better practice kissing fics i've read

autumn air, jacket 'round my shoulders is yours by gaysforbyler - will's feeling the anniversary effect and it just shows how much care mike has for will and how much understanding they have for each other

all this time (how could you not know?) by astrobi - for me, this is a long fic. yeah that tells you everything abt me lmao but this is so amazing it has a great pay off (byler at prom!!!!)

i might be hoping about this by astrobi - this right here will always be my favourite fic. it is perfection. it was one of the first byler fics i ever read and the pure domestic bliss paired with it being a SICKFIC HELL YEAH makes it just soooo perfect

and i might as welllllll um

what you really want by ME - yes this is big headed of me but im so proud of this fic i worked so hard on it and sacrificed some of my grades for it but it was worth it

okay im so eepy im going to eep and then have a hangover and i have a raging headache now ive done this on a whim bye

[catmask]

if it's not too intrusive, would you be comfortable talking about your experiences with OCD and maybe what made you seek a diagnosis?

idm it might help other people. i mean disclaimer not to use this as a diagnostic tool but if this sounds like u and u got a doc to talk to its worth bringing up

i think an important place to start and why i didnt think i had ocd is i am 1) autistic 2) a csa victim. this is pertinent because all of the things that actually lead me to get diagnosed with ocd i just kept dismissing as parts of those two other things. thinking 'surely this is all thats up there cant be anything else wrong with me' (<- thoughts of a clown)

the trouble with this is that coping skills id found for parts of both autism and csa trauma weren't working with things i later found out were related to ocd. so like, for example. frequently having intrusive thoughts about csa/sex trauma, i was told that if im experiencing a flashback the best thing i can do is try to ground myself and comfort myself. and yeah this is true, it would work if a flashback is all it was. but what it DIDNT account for is the guilt/dirty feeling id get after having them and the obsessive need to be 'clean' after.

and this trickled into hundreds of aspects of my life. 'cleaness' has always been such a vague unattainable concept unmedicated for ocd. if some things touch other things theyd become 'unclean'. if a person i felt uncomfortable around touched me or something it became 'unclean'. there were 'good' and 'bad' thoughts to have. i was constantly existing as if my presence was being monitored 24/7.

i could not fucking relax because every action i took, regardless of whether or not i was in private, i was constantly thinkin 'am i doing something wrong? am i hurting someone by doing this? am i breaking any rules?' and the 'bad thing' i was doing was like. i missed my boyfriend while he was at work. or i was going over former scenarios in which i was socially awkward in my head and wondering if i should be dead for doing that.

part of why i dismissed this as autism ofc too is yknow. being autistic i often missed social queues as a kid and was pretty brutally punished for it (physically by my parents, emotionally and socially by peers) so i was like yeah its Normal and Realsitic id have super intense fear about 'am i secretly doing something bad and dont realzie it because no one will fucking tell me until ive already done it and its too late and then i deserve all the punishment i get' but where my loved ones stepped in and were like Hey thats Not really normal. is where it waslike. other autistic people going 'brother i dont do that'

so yeah. it was like. kind of rule of elimination? the problems that wrrent getting solved by coping skills for the Other problems i Knew i had, i isolated those leftover things and my doctor was like 'this sounds like you have ocd. do you do this too' and listed out like 60 other things i didnt consider symptoms i just considered 'funny quirks' i had, like crying so hard id throw up if i couldnt get a blanket to lie perfectly flat during a picnic when i was 8 or thinking i was going to hell and my stuffed animals could feel pain so i would apologize to them iver and over while crying when they fell off the bed

you know. 'quirks'

[ihaznoclue]

I RAN HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BC I NEED TO REQUEST READER KICKING ASS I NEED READER TO GET THEIR GAME UP I NEED READER TO FINALLY STAND UP!!!!! THE READER EVOLUTION!!!!! so basiclly 🥺 im gonna request the fan favorites lycaon, ellen, anby,Billy, I think nicole is one them.... being saved from a thereal by the reader🔥🔥🔥🔥

Also I hope you have a nice day if all your fans are dead then I am no longer alive bro I think about the stories/Headcanon you make all dayyyyy I LOVE THEM SO MUCH and you as well hehe

ILYSM! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST! T^T TYSM -v- THIS REQUEST IS BADASS >o< I'm going to try my very best just for you <3

Pairings -> Von Lycaon, Ellen Joe, Anby Demara, Billy Kid, Nichole Demara x Reader

Warnings -> None maybe some swearing

Note -> Just Reader being a badass as they save the one and true love, princess in distress and the love of their life from an Ethereal

Genre -> Fluff

Von Lycaon

Okay it basically all started when you guys were in the Ballet Twins, Victoria housekeeping making sure everything is in touch but then met other strangers that was from the cunning hares

You noticed some sense of tension when the bangboo was picking up a recoding player or a music device as the bangboo said

Then a Ballet Ethereal appeared as Ellen and Corin went to attack, it was time to fight

You were so ready to kick these Ethereals asses, they were quite annoying as they always seem to love to scartch their pointed legs on the metal ground below them as they danced

You were fighting along side with your work friends as well as your boyfriend Lycaon, you have been together for a while before you both started working as a butler and a maid.

Lycaon was your boss and boyfriend which made it more exciting for you, since Lycaon would give you raises and some compliments toward you which always makes you blush in happiness

Now here you were fighting a long side with your love, it seems that the Ethereal was only targeting Lycaon as it started to spin its way to him, it looked like he didn't reacted quickly enough

You on the other hand, took your weapon and shielded Lycaon's body behind yours as you were sent flying to a wall that was a couple feet away from where you just were

"Y/n!" Lycaon's voiced called out as he sprinted to you to check if you were okay while the girls handled the Ethereal

"Are you okay My love?" He asked, checking to see if you had any Injuries

It has seemed that your forehead started to bleed but you laughed "Fuck yeah I'm okay, I protected you and that's all that matters to me" You proudly said

Lycaon just sighed as he patted your head, helping you up

"Let's finish this fight and then I'll treat your wounds, Also Language Young Lady"

"I'm perfectly fine Babe~" You flirted

That was totally worth it

Ellen Joe (this is not with an Ethereal)

Another scenario when you two were in the Ballet Twin fighting the Ethereal, but after finishing off the Ethereal went as it scattered away by bowing

Ellen didn't realize the flying bombs that was heading her way, she turned only a second to late

But instead of the bombs crashing into her, you charged your way to protect her as your sword sliced each bomb making the bombs go off

Ellen was in shocked but also impressed

She got quite lucky to have you since you were very skilled with your sword and you also protected the master Proxy and your girlfriend

Looks you have done a lot today, protecting everyone you love and cherished the most

Ellen seemed to have grumbled on how she didn't noticed but instantly thank you as she kissed your cheek in return of favor

You smiled as you spoke "Did you get hurt?" Ellen shook her head

"All thank to you, But are you hurt?"

"Nope, No cuts or bruises" You smiled

Ellen rolled her eyes and she chuckled "Okay smartass"

You laughed, At least you protected Ellen in all way possible but now you had to handle the people who sent those bombs toward your girlfriend

You snapped you head towards the direction the bombs were coming from as you saw people scattering away in fear

"Bingo"

Anby Demara

It was the time when you and the team went to get a important item for Nicole called the strong box, you guys went all the way to only get into a hollow

You were separated form the other but you were with Anby, which was fine since you two were close as in "dating"

Anby was the one who confessed which was surprising for you but you accepted her confession as you both started dating for quite a well

Now you two were in a hollow together, trying to find the other which I mean Billy and Nicole

After a while, Billy was found and went to find Nicole with you guys, finally you all were all together again

You guys were now in front of the strong box but was disturbed by something, you heard a noise that sounded like a Ethereal

You turned around to see an Ethereal sneaking up on Anby so you went in protective mode as you went to Anby to push her away as you took the hit instead as you went flying a couple feet away

"Name!" Your name was called out by Anby as she went up to you

"I'm fine, I'm fine" You smiled

Anby sighed as she helped you up

Looks like you guys have to fight a powerful Ethereal

But at least you were together

Billy Kid

Okay now this is a tough one, you and Billy have been together for a WHILE since you and him were obsessed with Starlight Knight so you guys met on one of those meeting things for the movie

Now you guys were together in a hollow, trying to find the other members of the cunning hares, Nicole and Anby

Billy kept his eyes open just in case for any Ethereal that might come charging at you and him, but for you were like a eagle, looking out for anything valuable or any threats that might come your way

You wanted to protective Billy and you knew he wanted to protect you, that's why you loved him, he was silly and goofy as well as amazing guy to hangout with

You and him would go on arcade dates and play snake duel at godfinger

It was always fun

You thought of those memories but stopped as you heard a noise that sounded like groaning and grumbling

An Ethereal

You turned around to see nothing but then turned to Billy to warn him but instantly noticed an Ethereal behind him, you went into fight mode as you ran up to the Ethereal

Billy thought you were going for a hug but instead

You wrapped your arms around Billy as you sliced through the head of the Ethereal making it go limp as it feel to the ground

You huffed through your nose

No-one hurts Billy, not even you

"Oh, so you weren't going for a hug." Billy whined

You chuckled as you hugged him "I protected you dummy"

"My hero"

Nicole Demara

This girl got you and her in a sticky situation, you guys were in a hollow for god knows how long all because of a box that she liked to call it the strong box

You guys were chased by a gang and sudden went into a hollow that wasn't far from the building you guys fell out of just because a helicopter shot at you guys for not caring who was in the building

But it looks like you were with your girlfriend which was good so you could keep a eye out for her

"Ugh, I never thought this would happen now we are stuck down here and the others are gone" She complained

You felt worried about Nicole, so you comforted her and said that you guys should keep going to find the others so she agreed

You kept your guard open and you knew there was a lot of Ethereal creatures in this hollow you guys were currently in

You kept your weapon in your hand just in case

After a few moments you heard many noises from your left side that was until a Ethereal attacked both of you

Looks like you two had to fight

During the fight, Nicole wanted to see if you were okay but didn't notice the Ethereal launching at her so you ran to her

You caught her with your arm as you hit the Ethereal in the blackhole looking head making it fall to the ground

You looked to Nicole to see if she was okay, but all you could see was Nicole's red face

You noticed the position you guys were in, as you had a arm aroudn her waist as your other had you weapon that was in the air, Nichole's body was leaning on your arm as she was caught just in time before she hit the ground

"You okay?" You asked, Nicole nodded as she hummed a yes

You smiled and chuckled a little

"Guess You fell for me~" You flirted as she pushed your face away as she started to whined about how close you guys were

"Okay, you're too close!" Nichole shouted

"Hun, We are literally dating"

"That's not the point!"

I finished this later than expected

-A<3

[agirlwithglam]

becoming selfish is the best thing i ever did.

✧*. * · ~ thewizardliz 💖🕯

💖 stop going into arguments with people who are not willing to listen. it is completely useless. if your boundaries were crossed, and the other person is not willing to say "im sorry for doing that, i won't do it again", then conversation over. its done. its not worth your time or energy.

🕯prioritise your own needs and wants. fill your own cup! are you okay? are you whole? if you don't want to do something, dont do it. whatever you want, comes first.

💖 stop being always available and trying to save everyone. if you keep on being there for people- again and again and again, you are letting people use you. people will only reach out to you if they have problems or they need help. but what about when everything is going good? then what? do they come to you? you are showing them that they can always come to you and you will always be there but that shouldn't be the case. be able to say "i dont want to listen to your problems today. i have enough of my own problems and goals to worry about." the only reason they come is because YOU allow them to come.

you ask yourself why does anyone not make sure i am ok? thats because YOU do not make sure you're okay. remember that you cannot save everyone. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE EVERYONE.

🕯sometimes god gives you situations so you can grow. also if you are constantly trying to step in for God to help and save everyone, you may also be sabotaging God's plan. people give certain problems/ situations in their life because God gives it to them so they can grow wiser and better! why are you trying to save them? its not your responsibility.

💖 be okay with people misunderstanding you. if you have a goal or a dream in your life, NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO UNDERSTAND YOU. people come from different households, religions, schools, etc. they will not understand you or have the same mindset/ heart as you. be OKAY with people not understanding you. they are not you.

"oh why did they hurt me/ treat me like that, i would never do that to them" honey, they're not you. they don't have the same personality or heart as you. if you're constantly gonna go through life thinking that everyone has the same heart as you, you will be hurt. i have done that so often thinking that i'm a good friend to them so they will do the same back, its not always true. you will be hurt. people are just different. and thats okay! let them be.

🕯realise that you can only change yourself. stop trying to change people. they will not change unless they are willing to. our human nature is comfort- humans love comfort. in order to change, it takes going through discomfort. it takes strength. some people are completely oblivious to themselves- they think that everything is perfect and nothing is wrong with them, etc. and yk what? let them be. you cannot change them. but you can change yourself. and if you do not want to change, you're not going to change. no one can force you to change unless you want to. by trying to change others and help them become their best version, you're wasting your energy to become YOUR best version and to create your dream life!

💖 stop needing people to validate your self worth. "i dont need anyone to tell me how good i am. i dont need anyone to tell me how beautiful i am or smart i am. because i see those qualities in myself already." KNOW who you are. if you get a compliment, say thankyou, be grateful. but don't crave it. be okay with not receiving it and not needing it because you already know that you're all that. if you need that compliment or words from other people, then they are basically in charge of you because their opinion can change your reality entirely and shake you. when YOU are the one that always creates your own reality! be strong in your ownself otherwise you'll be like their little puppet. know that you know what? im amazing. i've been through so much stuff in life but i'm still coming out strong and i'm still standing.

🕯treat yourself as your own best friend. talk to yourself! in her video, liz said that she talks to herself before bed and tells herself about her day. (for that i recommend videoing yourself! its so much fun) or when she's stressed she says to herself why are you feeling stressed? what exactly are you feeling? and then she tells herself and talks to herself. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. hype yourself up in your mind! comfort yourself, have a conversation, etc. give the advice to yourself. go on dates with yourself, hug yourself, love yourself.

💖 less chasing, more attracting. being feminine basically means letting it flow and go. being calm and at peace. being relaxed because you know that you attract all your blessings. when you're not desperately looking for things, or chasing after things, then your whole. your energy is whole. when the energy of desperation is gone, then you can attract everything you want into your life.

🕯only add great people to your life. make sure that whoever you date, are friends with, hang around- they need to add value to your life. its not only in terms of money, its also in terms of are you making me happy? are you reciprocating my energy? people that are always negative or always complaining, do not allow them into your life. do not be friends with people who are being miserable then complain about being miserable but don't do anything about it.

💖 stop seeking other people's permission to do whats best for you. you don't need someone to say "you can do it!" because you know you can. be independent- liz doesn't need to ask anyone for money because she is already making her own money. she is doing everything for herself. she has everything she need to support herself and people she loves.

like how cocky are you to think that you know be better than i know myself? lol. you have not been through what i have been through. you have not lived my life and yet you're here deciding whats good for me and what i should be doing? um, no thanks! xoxo.

[n4vn1t]

"Flashback"

- kind off??? with a little bit of reader's POV before she got hurt

WARNINGS: Emotion abuse, Physical violence, Angst, Abuse of trust, Blood, Betrayal

Author's note: IM SO SORRY ITS SO SHORT AND IT TOOK AGES I WAS LAZY 💔💔

-------------------------------------------

It started with silence.

Not the kind that was peaceful or comfortable—but the kind that filled the air like static, thick and sharp, waiting to snap.

You and Beom-seok hadn’t been speaking much by then. Not really. The conversations had thinned out, turned into short nods, one-word replies, or bitter, biting comments that left more damage than any silence could.

You didn’t recognize him anymore.

He used to be soft-spoken. Awkward, yes, but sweet. Always walking two steps behind, asking questions like he didn’t know how to exist in the world unless someone was guiding him. You were that someone for a long time.

And then something shifted.

He started hanging around the wrong people—ones who whispered poison and praised power. He started craving control, clawing at anything that made him feel important. Strong. Feared.

You confronted him once. Just once.

“Why are you doing this, Beom-seok?” you’d asked, arms crossed as you stood in the shadow of an empty stairwell.

He laughed, cold and cruel. “Doing what? Learning how to stand up for myself? Sorry that makes you uncomfortable.”

“This isn’t standing up for yourself. You’re hurting people.”

“They deserve it.”

Your stomach twisted. “They don’t. You didn’t use to be like this.”

“Yeah?” His eyes had narrowed. “And you didn’t use to look at Suho the way you do now.”

That made you go still.

“What does Suho have to do with this?”

“Everything,” he snapped. “He’s always in the way. He makes me look weak. And you—you stopped having my back the second he started showing up.”

You blinked. “I didn’t stop caring about you.”

“You abandoned me.”

You stepped back. “I can’t follow you into this, Beom-seok. You’ve changed.”

His jaw clenched. “I changed because I had to. Because people like Suho don’t get stepped on. People like me do.”

And then he grabbed your arm.

You’d tried to pull away. “Let go.”

But he didn’t. Not until you shoved him back hard, breath hitching. “Don’t touch me like that again.”

He stared at you, chest rising and falling like he’d just been hit.

“I should’ve known,” he whispered. “You’re just like the rest of them.”

Then he turned, stormed off—and you let him go.

You didn’t tell Suho. Not then. Not when it was still just harsh words and sharp looks. Not even when Beom-seok started cornering you more often, spitting guilt and jealousy and desperation.

The last time you saw him before the hospital, it was raining.

He found you alone outside school, grabbed your arm again, harder this time.

“You ruined everything,” he hissed.

You struggled, heart pounding. “You need help.”

“You don’t get to say that after leaving me!”

Then the first hit came.

And the next.

And then the world blurred with blood and thunder.

BONUS (his POV):

The first time she pulled away from me, I thought it was nothing.

Just a bad day, a misunderstanding. She’d been distant before. She always had her reasons—her own life, her own priorities. It didn’t mean she was done with me.

But this time… this time, there was something different in her eyes. Something colder. Dismissive. Like I wasn’t even worth trying for anymore.

I never wanted to admit it, but I saw it coming. I felt the shift the second she started hanging around with Suho more. She started looking at him like he was something more. Like she was seeing him for the first time—really seeing him.

And then she was gone. Not in the literal sense, but emotionally. I felt her slipping through my fingers like sand, and I couldn’t get a grip on her. The more I tried to hold onto what we had, the more she resisted.

I should’ve known then. I should’ve seen that I was losing her.

But no. I refused to accept it. I refused to believe she’d walk away from me. I needed her. Needed her to stay close. To still be the one person who didn’t look at me like I was some joke. Like I was someone beneath them.

She didn’t understand how much I needed her—how much I needed anyone who could make me feel like I mattered.

So when I confronted her that day, I thought it would make sense. I thought if I just told her, laid it all out in front of her, she’d understand why I’d changed. Why I couldn’t be the same meek person I used to be. Why I had to step up.

But she didn’t understand. She didn’t see. She just looked at me with those disappointed eyes like I was some monster. She kept saying, “You’ve changed,” like I was supposed to stay the same. Like I wasn’t allowed to grow or be something more than the quiet, forgotten boy I used to be.

“You’re not the same anymore, Beom-seok.”

Those words cut deep, deeper than anything else she said. I could hear them in my mind every time I closed my eyes. But the worst part? She said it like it was my fault. Like I wanted to be this way. Like I chose to become someone who made her hate me.

I didn’t.

But when she rejected me—when she left me behind for Suho and his perfect world, his perfect everything—it made me hate her, too. Hate her for leaving me. Hate Suho for standing in my way. And most of all, I hated myself for being too weak to keep her.

I tried to pull her back. I had to. I couldn’t stand to watch her move on, pretend like I didn’t exist anymore. Like I wasn’t the guy who had always been there for her. She had been everything to me.

Everything.

When I grabbed her arm that day in the rain, the anger didn’t come from nowhere. It was years of resentment building up. It was all those nights I spent alone, watching her walk away from me and into someone else’s arms. It was the fear—the fear that if I didn’t do something, I’d lose her for good.

She pushed me. Hard.

And the rage exploded out of me. Everything I’d been holding in. Everything that had been building for weeks. I couldn’t control it. Couldn’t stop myself.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, her voice trembling. But I didn’t care.

I couldn’t care.

“I should’ve known,” I heard myself say, barely able to keep the venom out of my voice. “You’re just like the rest of them.”

And then I hit her.

The moment I saw her flinch, I realized what I had done. But it was too late. I couldn’t take it back.

But I couldn’t stop. Because once the words were out, once I’d struck her, all I could think about was how she’d abandoned me. How she turned her back and walked away from everything we had, just for him.

“Just for him,” I whispered to myself.

She looked at me with horror in her eyes, and that was when I realized she was gone. I had destroyed everything. The person who meant the most to me, the person I’d trusted… I had broken her, and there was no going back.

When she crumbled, when her knees buckled beneath her and she collapsed, I didn’t feel satisfaction. I didn’t feel power. All I felt was a hollow, empty space where I used to have a heart.

She was right to leave me.

I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t make it better.

And the worst part? I never had her to begin with. Not in the way I thought.

She was never really mine.

[sangoqueenkoko]

Wriothesley

“you’re not getting seasick, are you?”

fluff

CRYO MASTERLIST | DRABBLE MASTERLIST

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Drabble prompt: page 1: #49 = “You’re not getting sea sick, are you?”

Warnings? Brief mention of seasickness, but nothing graphic! Set before Masquerade of the Guilty(4.2), but after As Light Rain Falls Without Reason(4.0).

Featuring Sigewinne!

690 words.

Uh.. hello, ive just handed in my 5k word essay, so im rusty

You'd think that living in Fontaine makes you used to travelling by water, like swimming or sailing, would make you more susceptible to it, right? Weeeeell… not everyone is like that.

Beneath the Duke's office lies a partially water-filled cavern adapted to the Fortress, commonly used as production zones. Big metal beams above the metal cranes strewed through the place. It's no secret that something is being done or built here.

Everyone in Fontaine and some outside the nation has heard about the prophecy and what it will do to the nation, its cities and its people. So that's why everyone has been making their preparations.

Especially Wriothesley.

He recently discovered that the Primordial Sea lies directly beneath the Fortress. He initiated a covert project to construct a vessel named the Winglet to provide the Fontainians with a means of escape from the Primordial Sea and tangible support to help them face the looming prophecy. With assistance from researchers Jurieu and Lourvine at the Research Institute, the project necessitated a factory's worth of labour, materials, and technology. His resolve to complete this endeavour remains steadfast despite the possibility of it being in vain.

Considering how much time the people working on the vessel's construction didn't know how much time they had left. They needed everything to be perfect for when the time came.

This meant Wriothesley was often' on deck' along with the Head Nurse, Sigewinne, to ensure the Boatwrites weren't overworked or hurt. Upon the vessel's completion, its secrecy was still the top priority. So, the best time for testing was at night when everyone working on it was asleep. Plus, Wriothesley liked to be up late at night by himself. Oh. And you were there too.

You lived on the surface of Fontaine, in a lovely house out in the countryside, away from the bustling city and suffocating areas of the Fortress. But you made acceptions; you would still visit your beloved in his place of work, even if you thought about how he could ever live there without the feeling of the natural elements on one's skin. "Why don't you ever come and visit me on the surface?" you asked as you walked beside him, hands behind your back with a slight bounce in your step, enough to burn off the midnight oil, both alone on the deck of the Winglet.

"You know why", he sighed; this wasn't the first time you asked him; you're just annoyed hearing the same answer every time you request, so you blank it out, hoping for something new. Everything he could need was in the Fortress; the intelligence or resources he needed could be given to him in his office.

Feeling your spirit deflate, you let it not get the best of you, but you couldn't help it, "well… if we survive the prophecy, will you come to visit for a little bit?" you asked with some hope. You know what the prophecy will do to you and every Fontainian; there's no need to sugarcoat it, but everyone has their hopes.

"I will see what I can do", he said as you both stopped to stand at the edge of the vessel and admire the work that has been done so far.

Standing in silence to hear nothing but the tide lap against the walls in the cavern, the calm wind comes through and rocks the vessel more, enough to make a young child fall asleep.

If you could see the moon from inside the cavern, you would be gazing up at it by now. But the moon being out means that the tides are more active. And despite being a Fontainian, the sea has never been kind to you since you were a child, so you get nauseated easily. Wriothesley, knowing this, always helped you out with it when he was with you, and now was no exception.

Noticing that you were leaning over the railings of the craft, looking paler than usual, he moved your hair away from your face, just in case, before asking, in a teasing way to lighten the mood,

"you're not getting seasick, are you?"

i uh.. apologies for disappearing for a few months again

[radical-ghostface]

How do you think Sebastian would react after getting released/escaping Azkaban and finding out MC was pregnant when he got sent away?

Alright so i thought this was gonne be way harder. But i jumped on this so fast.

Warnings: A little angst. Implied depression/ptsd.

Obvious implied Sebastian × MC , implied Ominis x MC.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 years. Its been 10 years since MC reported Sebastian for Solomon's death, getting him sent to Azkaban and ripping his heart out in the process. 10 years, and he was finally getting out. He thought about this day countless times. Though about getting to see MC and Ominis again. Thought about getting the revenge he deserved. Thought about ripping their hearts out. And now he finally could.

He may have to crucio a few people to get their location, but it was oh so worth it. His vengeance and hurt numbing him to others pain.

He walked up to their shared house. Oh how betrayed he felt. Is this why they sent him to Azkaban? The sheer idea of it setting him ablaze. They would get whats coming to them.

He peeked inside the window and was shocked at what he saw.

MC was braiding a little girls hair as she smiled happily, Ominis sat across from them.

In that moment all Sebastian could do was watch. His anger giving away to curiosity. Whos kid was that? Had they had a child together while he was rotting away in Azkaban?? The idea killed him and he found himself unable to breath. Not tonight. He can't do it tonight. But he resolved to come back tomorrow. He MUST have justice for what was done to him.

And he did return, the next night and every night after. But found himself unable to do anything but watch. Watch them from the outside while they were so happy together.

He did notice from all the watching that MC and Ominis didn't seem to be.. intimate. Their relationship seemed more like one of platonic soulmates. They were always there for eachother but not in the way MC and Sebastian were. But if that were the case then whos child is this? Who had MC had a baby with? Who would she? Other than Ominis, and that seemed to be very nuch not the case. The idea of MC with anyone else still set a fire inside him. After everything, even when she turned him in, he couldnt help but love her.

His thoughts were cut short

"Hi! Who are you?"

He turned around slowly to see the little girl hes seen every day for the past month

"Im.. and old friend of your parents"

"Nice to meet you! If you know my parents.. does that mean you know my dad?!"

He took a really good look at her face for the first time and noticed something.

She had curly brown hair and freckles all over her face. Brown eyes too. Curious.

"Ominis isn't your father?" He knew the answer to that already. Why did he even ask?

She laughed "no, of course not! Hes my uncle! He just stays with my mom to help out. She gets really sad sometimes"

He hated the idea of her being sad. How could he have ever wanted revenge? She didn't do this to him. He did it to himself. And he dragged her into it like he always did. He should leave them alone. Stop watching them. Let them be happy.

"Oh! My names Anne by the way! I just realized I never told you" she held her hand out to him.

Then it dawned on him. Oh merlin. How could he be so foolish. Anne..

"How old are you?" He asked taking her hand and shaking it lightly.

"Im 10!" She beamed.

It was like he was hexed. His mind swirling wildly. It can't be.. but it is.

"I.. i have to go. But it was a pleasure meeting you Anne"

He decided he would be back tomorrow. And not just to watch. He had missed enough. He wanted to be with his.. daughter. And MC, and Ominis. Every ounce of anger and betrayal gone. He would be back tomorrow.

[epicleovilanon]

So the who framed roger rabbit inspired post NRC au? im now thinking abt the tags screenshotted in this post about the movie, and i just. yeah.

because its often that some of the twst chars can be twisted from multiple characters, and thats so the case of jamikali as well.

jamil is twisted from jafar, sure, so he borrows some elements and similarities, but he's also the genie, he's also jasmine. and kalim, yeah okay, he's the sultan, but hes also aladdin, and, one could even say, jasmine. theyre both so deeply intertwined and codependent i wanna make them worseeeeee like, jamil wants to be needed, kalim needs to wanted, the power-imbalance is constantly see-sawing between the two, they could either of them flip the kill switch, but kalim wont and jamil wont, and its so messy.

(i mean. come on guys. jamils grand plan to be free of kalim did not have "murder kalim" as a part of it--his goal was to get kalim expelled. the murder part came when he thought his life was pretty much over and he overblotted. jamil loathes him, jamil loves him, and we all know how kalim feels about him)

and so i think of them after graduation. does kalim set him free? and does jamil get to travel, and then realize, hey. wait. i. miss him? and thats troubling to him too because, how much of this "missing kalim" is ingrained in him by his servitude to kalim. how much of this is just truly jamil? but he misses him.

and kalim knew! kalim knew he would miss jamil, he's been missing him since before jamil even left, but he let him go, of course he let him go, and hes just hoping waiting praying, that jamil might come back. to him.

and jamil does, and kalim is a little more confident now in this--because jamil came back to him. jamil will go but jamil will come back, and these days he only says goodbye to say hello again. and yes, sure, jamil is a little, is shy the word? about this, about them, he hides his face in his hood the way he's always done, and kalim loves it every time. he pursues, because he knows jamil. he knows jamil and jamil knows him and jamil came back

jamil came back. and kalim is soaring.

but like, back to jessica and roger! the tags (by @cornfieldsrambles) in the post i linked mention how "“part of the reason she works so well as a red herring is because of the assumptions made abt her both by the characters AND the audience. the femme fatale trope and how female sexuality is vilified in media primes an audience not to trust promiscuous women in film. and jessica initially seems to fit the bill perfectly it's straight up a plot twist that jessica is genuinely a faithful and loving wife to roger. that her intentions are pure (even if she really didn't have to knock him out and put him in the trunk so he wouldn't get hurt. but they lampshade it and it's funny so) hell. reading further into it you could make a case that part of the reason she fell for roger is because he loves her for who she is. he always had faith in her. five seconds after being presented with photographic evidence of her “cheating” he vehemently denies it and then he WRITES HER A LOVE POEM. one line that always sticks with me is “what a lucky gal” from betty boop. from a toon's perspective jessica is lucky to have roger not the other way round. toons don't have beauty standards. not like humans do.the measure of the worth of a toon in society is first and foremost being funny#which. in that case roger is an amazing toon. the notable exception in that case is jessica. who was designed to illicit a *ahem* different reaction in audiences. she is an extremely unconventional toon because she is not funny. that's literally not her intended effect. which is mind boggling for a toon. no wonder she's seen as the lucky one. and roger loves her so fully and unconditionally"

and obviously this isnt a 1 to 1 substitution au, but i am drawing a bit from them for the purposes of this fic, particularly with it starting off a private investigator oc (potentially. it could end up being some NRC character at some point! but for now ive settled on some random OC, as im toying with outsider povs) who has to help exonerate Kalim Al Asim, heir to the Al Asim family, who has been framed for murder.

and of course, we eventually get to the gorgeous, scheming jamil viper! and yeah, see, the red herring in who framed roger rabbit is that she is a femme fatale, she is quite literally 'drawn that way' and lets face it, it could be similar enough for jamil as well--should he and kalim get together there is no shortage of insults that would be hurled jamils way by a lot of people in society alone. but for jamil its also, that he very much did once scheme to get kalim expelled. and he did overblot and get to the point where he tried to kill kalim and then himself. and then kalim covered for him

so you get the "what do you see in him?" besides the obvious, he's rich, he's a cute guy, etc etc. because kalim is a nice guy, and they would think--why would jamil want a nice guy? its gotta be for power. and sure, yeah okay, it is in part, because lets be honest, jamil loves power too, but guyssss kalim knows this and loves him anyways. its about power, because both kalim gives it to him willingly, and uses his own (for altruistic reasons yes! but its power and hes using it!)

kalim is a freak for jamil, his "perfect dream world" still had him get snake whispered, like, he knows and loves jamil for who he is, he thinks the evil scheming is cute. so. 'What do you see in him?" and jamil, with the honest, "he makes me laugh" and he does. because jamil actually loves kalim, he is not normal about him at all.

[emberunderscore]

guys im going crazy with the edits over here (im sure this has been done with this song before but idc i wanted to)

also guys im going to include the rambling in the actual edit post this time because i actually cannot contain myself . (i went on and on for this one i had a lot of thoughts )

OK BIG ONE COOL ONE WHEN IT SAYS "I'm a worthless human being" there is an overlay during the word "worthless" of the prison scene and the word worthless is layed over sherbert's forehead, think of it like the word worthless and failure going hand in hand because icarus doesn't belive they are worth anything if they are not useful and they cannot be useful if theyre a failure which they wholeheartedly believe they are THATS IT THATS MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EDIT (not really but shshshshs)

ok back to being in order

"I had left you" and "I forgave you" being right next to each other is SO PERFECT because that part is referencing the cave obviously and immediately after centross dies icarus is like 'get the fuck away from me why did you do that, holy shit you were gonna kill me' and then he tells them he can bring centross back and they immediately forgive him (and its not rlly great editing wise cause obviously theres not much contrast between the clips but the sacrifices we make are very small)

"I forgot you" this line is kinda hard to understand how ive coded it cause centross is on the screen so it kinda makes it seems like im saying they forgot centross but NO! they forgot about fable, they were so focused on bringing centross back that they completely lost sight of fable and his actions and how that hurt everyone around them

then the "said you loved me" I LOVE PUTTING VOICELINES IN EDITS CHAT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH AHHHH. i love when the words and they go together and theyre similar and i go crazy . im knawing at the bars of my enclosure

(i was going to put a voicline of fable's 'you will not survive' from cathedral of war in this part, but only chose not too cause it made the audio too chaotic but its still the clip from when he said that so just KNOW) i really love the "said you'd kill me" part. it just looks really cool to me, please appreciate my work thank you goodnight <3

THE WHOLE NEXT PART. THE BEAT DROP IF YOU WILL.

the text is all shaky, the way ive always imagined this part of the song in my brain is like full mental breakdown, hands pulling at hair hitting at your head . theres something inside of you and you want it OUT and you will hurt yourself to makes that happen . so thats kind of the vibe i wanted to portray, however . im not that skilled and capcut only has so many free text effects so . we make do. i also couldn't put that effect on all the text because for it to look right i couldn't use an 'in' animation for the text so having all of it just appear looked kind of weird so i had to comprimise a little

also the font is called "honest" which . if you know me i love putting subliminal messaging in my font usage when i can which i managed to do a couple times in this edit actually. the font is very jagged which fits for the idea of someone who's reaching their breaking point and all the rotation and bold and italics are all just thrown around there. making em all look interesting . for *flavour*

the other font that's got a cool title and this one i actually only picked because of the title and that's "innocent" its used in a lot of frames like "you possessed me", "you controlled me" and "or he'll hurt me" all times, the word 'me' uses the innocent font, because with the song it sounds like icarus is trying to remove any of the blame from themself, it was fable's fault because he manipulated me i didn't do anything wrong. so they see themself as 'innocent' which is also why that text is yellow cause its about icarus. i wouldn't have used that font if not for the title icl. but it also makes the times when that font isn't used all the more interesting, this can be seen most notably in "said you'd kill me", and both of the times in the "he's still speaking, speaking for me" parts , and i will let you cook on that cause not everything needs to be explained in great detail as much as id like to do that

most of the fonts at this one were just me throwing shit at a wall and seeing what fit the vibe ill be so fr, i knew i wanted a lot of variation cause its a chaotic sounding song and the colours also have very little thought when it comes to the difference between white/yellow/red for the most part . green is for fable and purple is just whatever the fuck i felt like .

final thing i'm going to say when it goes "i'm a [worthless human being" there is no text on that part and i just want it to be known on the record that it wasn't an accident and it was an aethetic choice and i can't come up with a bullshit important reason for why there's no text on the screen for that SINGLE PART and honestly it just looked so shit with text there but it also looks so out of place with it being the only part but im sure many of you didn't even notice there wasnt text there before i pointed it out so . i can also point out all the slightly off timings for you if you wanna see my creation through my critical self-loathing eyes /silly

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 6

24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon

24 anon

hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas

Hi <3

Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.

I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3

______________________

Outlet anon

Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.

So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????

Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.

_________________

Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.

and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.

Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.

As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.

___________________

8 years anon

This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.

So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.

For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.

Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??

And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.

lots of love cas ❤️❤️

Hi!

I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?

And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.

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lawyer anon

Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!

I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.

Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3

For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.

I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.

My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.

I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.

He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.

Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.

It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.

This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."

I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.

Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?

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Guess anon

Hi Cas

Guess Anon again

He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)

I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)

Ill keep you updated!!

Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!

[heich0e]

liv can u give me (a 22 year old young woman w anxiety) advice on how to be assertive w/o being a bitch bc i was in a situation where i spoke up for myself and I KNOW i seemed like a bitch and im trying not to let it bother me but its so hard 🥲🥲 ive been thinking abt it all day

a complex question!! first and foremost i think it's worth saying that being assertive (or communication in any form) is a skill that gets better with practice. you're still young!! and learning!! so don't beat yourself up for feeling like you didn't do something perfectly. speaking up for yourself at all is something that you should be proud of, and if there were elements of it you wish you'd done differently, all you can do is learn and grow from that

here are a couple of sorta general/vague tips that might be useful, but tailoring your communication style really depends massively on context (which i don't have for your specific situation)!!

use "i" language instead of "you" language - people tend to feel way more attacked and defensive if you frame your arguments around pointing out their actions, or making accusations. for example instead of "you hurt my feelings when you did that" say "my feelings were hurt when that happened."

stick to objective facts whenever possible, rather than subjective feelings or opinions - this isn't always helpful (because feelings are often the basis of a lot of conflict) but particularly in professional settings there will often be moments where you have to work through disagreement and an argument/assertion based on fact is a lot harder to poke holes in or discredit than one based on opinion or feelings

try to stay calm - listen i know this is the least helpful thing in the fucking world i could possibly say here, but from one girlie w anxiety to another: the sooner you can get ur body to stop recognizing uncomfortable conversations with the same sympathetic nervous system response as a hostage situation, the better. and it will happen!! exposure therapy is a real thing!! they might never be comfortable, but they will be easier!! and being able to approach these situations with a clear head makes a WORLD of difference. i always keep myself calm by assuring myself that i know what i'm saying is true and justified, and sticking to that.

avoid ad hominem defenses - sometimes it can be rly tempting to assassinate someone's character or discredit them just because of who they are, but the minute you do that you lose credibility yourself. stick to the facts!!

[not-poignant]

Ok i cant keep it in my soul for any longer. WHY ARENT MORE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THE GOLDEN AGE THAT NEVER WAS?? i know its a bit of an older fanfic now but I’ve read all your stories and all your fanfics (im absolutely obsessed btw) and never in my life have i ever seen anywhere such chemistry as between TGATNW Pitch and Jack. That fanfic altered my brain chemistry, remoleculerized my being and changed my life trajectory. If you have any, just ANY scraps of tgatnw pitch/jack content that you forgot about or something, just know theres at least one person out here thats feral for it. (I would die for a pitch perspective of any kind)

(Also tgatnw pitch kind of reminds me of utb gary??? In the way that they’re both most peak alpha males i can think of)

Hi hi anon!

Tbh people were talking about it a lot more when I was writing it! You can always check out the TGATNW tag for the kinds of things we were talking about and the fanart and stuff :D

I have such a soft spot for that fic though, like, I think it's probably my favourite thing I ever wrote for The Rise of the Guardians, and it has some of my favourite worldbuilding. It's one of those 'wow I really should've put 80% of that story and worldbuilding into an original novel because I think it would've done something good for my writing career' but I'm also very chuffed that it gets to be something in fanfiction that we all just get enjoy however and whenever we want. :D

Unfortunately I'm a very WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) author in that I don't write lots of drafts or scraps of things and leave them on my computer. If I have something that's worth sharing, I will find a way to share it!

And yeah I definitely have different character archetypes I like writing, and Pitch is very similar to Gary! Even down to both of them having lost a loved one and walling themselves off emotionally to any new relationships as a result of that, and hurting the people around them because of it. Literally such a *clenches fist* baller archetype :D I'm definitely not done with it!

[thisdreamplace]

hello 🍁 non again! Haha!

I wanted to talk about nondual and realizing your beyond words sentances and labels.. and wanted to know what you thought of thus

I feel like people tend to overcomplicate or even telling people to mediate for several hours and even take substances to achieve this ego death..but truly we are always aware and meditating , we are meditating right now , I feel my fingers touching the iPad… i see the letters typing one by one.. or people are even too harsh on others , we’ve been bound by the “ego for so so long” but realizing the ego is just as scared as you are , using the resources it’s using , you start to give yourself grace and to slowly let go and go, it takes a while to surrender but truly , it’s worth it. Taoism and no dual pair very well together , you are all there every is you are no-thing , everything and all. You are love in its purest form , you are the silence between moments , you are the laughter in sunny days. You are the cry we always needed. You are always being perfectly guided, everything you go through is for a reason. that’s what I do..example the break up between me and my ex was so hard , I was able to cry but realizing I’m ,being guided , helped, ofcourse I cried , ofcourse I was sad and you need to process your emotions with love , no matter how long it takes your being perfectly guided in your journey always. from that breakup I made so many friends and found myself and I, forever greatful ofcourse I’m so sad it’s over , but maybe it had to happen.

I think the best to know and start disconnecting with conceptual labels is to realize you are not bound to anything , you can label yourself however , because your beyond.. labels are created by us , we created all these concepts because we enjoy putting things in boxes, I don’t even go by a name , or even a gender , sexuality because I disconnect myself with labels , bc I don’t need them at all..not because I’m too good for them , but forever and ever realizing that all of these are concepts you can disconnect from them and let go and trust “god” you are the purest form of love , your kindness incarnated into a psychical form.

it takes so much grace , you done need to do anything except realize your true beauty , love is always the way , once you realize you are simply love but yet so unique and beautifully created and labels cannot even imagine and begin to describe your ever so beautiful soul. You will find peace

You will still cry , get upset and go through grief. But it gives you grace , I am being guided but it’s okay to still be hurt. You are beautiful

I hope I phrased this right , love 🍁

hiiii my 🍁 anon~ everytime i read a message from you now i'm really happy. your expression is so beautiful!

i think your understanding of everything is so wonderful, and its fully on point. all of those things are true, and even more your willingness to allow and let go, truly is what keeps you moving forward. your willingless to trust, is truly admirable. and its important in all of this. we have to be willing to take control, by giving it up. if youre not new here, you know that this world works in paradoxes, and its always the most simple and even opposite things, that truly are what brings in magic

i love everything you said!! because we are so beyond all of these things that we believe ourselves to be, that we choose to be trapped by. sometimes i see those who wonder why nothing ever works for them, but they have never been willing to let go of all they have believed themselves to be, down to the way society sees them and down to the way they even see themselves.

it truly does take grace and patience, and you are right when you say we just need to focus on love, on the truth within us. we dont need to do anything else. it took me a long time to realize i dont truly need to heal from anything. if i just focus on love, i naturally begin to heal. no more making sure im this way or that way before i'm perfect or ready. just realizing love now, and choosing it now, in each moment that i can, is truly enough. love is always enough

thank you so much for sharing these lovely words and thoughts <3

[catboygirljoker]

Genuinely curious; you got any headcanons for like random eccentricities/foibles for the Org13 or anyone else?

regrettably most of my headcanons tend to be on a broader characterization/thematic level, ideas about how characters relate to each other and the world and themselves. the droves and droves of hyperspecific headcanons i have about xigbar are primarily from turning him over in my hands so many times trying to figure out what the Fuck is going On with him. i dont really get deep into the weeds of little details until i feel i have a strong idea of who a character is as a person

i have got a random grab bag of headcanons here for ya, though i think theyre not exactly what you had in mind. i tried to avoid mentioning xigbar as much as possible because if i didn't it'd just turn into a xigpost.

in order from mostly a joke to more serious and thought out:

dark riku is a teenage reddit atheist type who disguises his discomfort with swearing by claiming that people only swear if their vocabularies arent big enough to come up with something smarter to say. vanitas is an undiagnosed untreated unsupported AuDHD problem child who swears every other word and plays with lighters and knives. they cant be left alone in a room with each other because they Will try to kill each other.

there have been way more organization members than we've seen, like, maybe there were originally 13 org members. axel just killed all the others so saix would rise in the ranks. the only people we see in the org either dont pose a threat or are taken out as soon as they do. everyone always asks "how is demyx in the org if he's so lazy?" when the answer is that he survived because he's lazy.

(xigbar is the one exception in that he's definitely a threat, but he's frustratingly difficult to blackmail or kill or otherwise neutralize. xaldin is a follower more than a leader and dedicated to his duties; lexaeus the same. vexen doesnt want power, hes just here for science, he just wants funding. demyx ive mentioned. luxord's just here to play poker. and well we see what happens to the rest.)

saix directly modeled himself after xemnas and is as devoted to him as axel is to saix. i feel like if you compare isa's hair in bbs to his hair in 2+, you can make the argument that saix has styled his hair to resemble xemnas's. in 3 we see him in full berserk mode standing obediently at xemnas's heel without budging an inch as he watches his best friend get hurt.

(worth noting that i imagine we are meant to understand that saix is just, like, a good employee, he wants power in the org so he works hard to attain it and is obedient in pursuit of that. i think there are even scenes were it seems like saix doesnt fully trust xemnas. but i like making it fucked up and dependent. sue me)

xemnas doesnt really feel like hes entirely there. you look into his eyes and its like hes looking a little past you. hes a shell of a shell of a shell, the nobody of a botched possession who had vague experiments done on him. all he seeks and all he cares about is kingdom hearts and he barely remembers why. the only time he's actually present or displays any concrete personality or will is when he's exerting that will over someone. contrast the spacey floatiness of any of his long-winded monologues with how suddenly laser-focused he is on destroying axel in 3.

i made a post where i reference the platonic threefold structure of the soul [boo hiss]—if xemnas is just the Head and Belly, divested from the chest, nothing but pure carnal hunger for kingdom hearts and the higher logical means of attaining it, ansem SoD is just the Chest, the irrational emotional yearning for kingdom hearts. thats why he has nothing to do with the org or xemnas, he's kind of a rogue element doing his own thing. since he's the inverse of xemnas, the two of them cant work together, the same way you couldnt play a chess game with a rabid dog

anyway thank you foibles anon ! i hope you like this post anyway even if im sure its not what you expected

[roxyzwritez]

pearlrose content

wanna see how ive been writing all these episodes? spoiler: it was not written with the intent to be read. but its really cute if you can get past and decipher my writes. (also im not 100% sure i like how i did this. may redo this one.) pls feedback. also @rosenotactuallyquartz i think you may like this ((im sorry abt the near daily tags))

under the cut so dashes don't get flooded

greg wakes up. gets coffee. gets breakfast. sits outside. frown.

rose floats over.

rose: good morning greg!

greg: hey rose.

rose: what's the matter? :(

greg: i was hoping you wouldn't ask.. im not doing great.

rose: why is that?

greg: i thought i'd be so happy that you're back. i thought i'd still be completely in love with you like i was before, but.. i just don't feel it anymore. im sorry.

rose, frown: that's okay, greg. we can be friends. i understand. i disappeared for 14 years- not that long to me, but that's a long time for humans. i understand if your feelings changed. especially with all my.. mistakes… revealed. im just glad you told me.

greg: are you sure? its okay to be upset, rose.

rose: i dont follow human relationship dynamics. im a little sad, sure, but you're still a friend. its not the end of the world.

greg: as long as you're okay.

rose: i am. don't worry about me, greg.

greg: okay.

she looks at him with a smile before flying off back home. she walks in.

tumblr note: im really unsure abt the breakup thing honestly. it feels weird especially how she just instantly goes to pearl. tell me ur thoughts yall!

stv, eatin chaps: hey mom.

rose: hi steven. wheres pearl?

stv: ooooooo-

rose chuckles: oh, stop it.

stv: i think she went to her room. she's been in there a lot recently.

rose: huh. alright, thank you steven.

stv: no problem.

rose goes into pearls room.

rose: pearl?

pearl quickly gets up: y-yes rose? sorry, i didn't know you were coming.

rose floats on over: i would like to talk to you about something.

pearl,😳: o-okay.

rose: i know how you feel about me. but im not entirely sure you understand how i feel about you.

pearl looks away: but- greg.

rose, chuckling: pearl. i talked to him just now, and he told me he doesn't feel that way towards me anymore. and from what i understand about human relationships, being with multiple people is a bit of a problem. ive always loved you, pearl. i knew either this would happen, or he'd… reach his time at some point. this was always going to happen, pearl. i don't need future vision for that.

pearl: i-

rose tacklehugs her to the ground and they roll around happy. pearl happycries

rose: ohh, my beloved pearl. not my pearl, but my beloved pearl. does- does that make sense?- oh my- (starts laughing)

pearl, chuckling softly: i know what you meant, rose.

rose: okay. good. le smoochie

pearl: i love you, rose. so much.

rose: i love you even more.

pearl: no, i do.

rose, chuckling: oh, pearl.

they smile at eachother.

stv: that was the cutest thing i've ever seen in my life.

pearl extremely embarrassed: STEVEN!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE-

rose: pearl, its okay. they're all allowed to know. we don't need to be a secret. besides, garnet probably knows anyway.

pearl: o-okay. but steven please don't do that again.

stv: it was so worth it. i will never forget this.

rose: alright, steven. can me and pearl talk in private again?

stv: aww mann. okay. (leaves)

rose: you don't know how badly i wanted to be with you. always. it hurt that i couldn't be there for you for those years.. trapped in his gem. i wish i could've done something, but i just couldn't. believe me, i tried.

pearl: its okay. its not your fault. you're here now, and that is enough for me. (squeeze hug cry) im sorry for crying so much i cant help it.

rose: let it out, pearl. its okay. (soft hug n comforts back, headpats and otherwise adorable shit)