#but im irritated enough that if enough things happen I will be angry or like cry

[wherethewaterstarts-andyouend]

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[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

CALL MY NAME AND I'LL COME RUNNING ; SATORU GOJO

synopsis; satoru can be irritating, at times. but even if you push him away, he’ll always, always be there for you when you need him.

word count; 8.7k (this was supposed to b a short drabble but i was possessed by the devil halfway through)

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, reader n toru have a fight, mild swearing (a couple fucks here n there), hurt/comfort, satoru has communication issues but he’s trying his best, depictions of stalking (reader gets followed by a random creep but satoru comes to the rescue dw), uhh implied thoughts of violence? (satoru wants to Maul said dude but doesn’t), literally just me being in love with satoru gojo for 8.7k words straight

a/n; no thoughts head empty only gojo running through the streets like a wild beast looking for u <33 im normal about him yeah.

“you’re so annoying sometimes, you know that?”

satoru smiles. the sentence isn’t one he’s unaccustomed to hearing.

usually, the words are soaked in an undeniable fondness, as they spill from your lips. rich with exasperated love. one that never fails to have the corners of satoru’s lips curling up, a mellow kind of joy blossoming in his chest.

but now, that fondness is nowhere to be found. 

you sound thoroughly exasperated, and a little bit fatigued. more than anything else, there’s a vague irritation behind the tilt of your voice, something almost cold. it makes all the difference in the world. 

and yet, despite that, a certain someone chooses to pay no heed to the bad omen.

“aw, c’mon. you know you love me, baby.”

satoru is grinning. lighthearted, awfully sweet. there’s a certain smugness to it, though, one he couldn’t wash away even if he was aware of it; you wouldn’t do so even if you could. that smugness is a part of him, one that you’d usually find endearing. 

but right now, it only seeks to further your frustration.

it was a stupid fight, truthfully. completely meaningless. satoru had forgotten to pick up after himself for, like, the fourth consecutive time, and so you grew annoyed. not by a lot, but enough that you felt the need to be firm when you reminded him not to make the same mistake over and over again.

but satoru had only grinned, in that self-satisfied fashion of his, and apologized in a way you couldn’t possibly call sincere. then he did what he usually does — promises to work on it. to not do it again. he never follows through, though.

but even that thought wasn’t anywhere near enough to make you truly angry. what really began to irk you was the fact that satoru wasn’t taking you seriously, even in the slightest.

that’s how he always is, when it comes to this kind of thing. and you try to be patient, you do. you try to be understanding. sometimes you even appreciate that he keeps the atmosphere light, but other times, you just can’t help but feel irritated by it.

and the current situation happens to fall into the latter category.

you don’t care if satoru leaves a candy wrapper or two out, every once in a while. of course you don’t. it’s a silly thing to argue about. but would it hurt for him to just listen to you? to try to put himself in your shoes, for once? it’s not about the wrappers, or the undone dishes. it’s about the way he treats you when you complain about it — like it’s no big deal, like it doesn’t matter. even if it obviously does, to you.

so, gradually, the topic of your little argument began to shift, into a conversation about satoru. about the fact that he so adamantly refuses to talk about the things that bother you in a serious fashion. about the fact that he so adamantly refuses to take you seriously.

and he just keeps proving your point, with every word that falls from his lips.

at this point, you’re genuinely beginning to feel a little angry. but satoru doesn’t see that as the warning sign it is — he just thinks it’s cute. he’s just been cooing at you, this whole time, despite your numerous attempts to actually explain how much his behavior affects you sometimes. it feels a bit like talking to a wall. satoru keeps on teasing you, even as you try to be firm about your point, and only brushes you off with empty promises to do better and more unneeded comments about how much he wants to hug you when you pout like that.

and you falter, a little. of course you do. you’re weak to satoru. weak to his words, that sweet voice of his, that pretty grin. but that only makes everything worse, because if you let yourself look even a little bit flustered at his comments, he sees that as his cue to continue.

you don’t even know if he’s doing it on purpose, at this point. is he doing it because he knows it’ll annoy you, or does he genuinely not understand that you’re upset? you’d like to think that there’s no malicious intent behind it, but can’t he see how troubled you are? you don’t get it. you don’t get him, and that frustrates you most of all. satoru can be so goddamn convoluted, sometimes.

so you simply can’t help but feel annoyed. angry, even. how long have you been arguing for, at this point? you’re not sure. but you feel the frustration inside of you grow, as the minutes tick by, into something you know will eventually explode.

a sigh falls from your lips, deep and exasperated. a little bit exhausted. “i’m serious, satoru. you’re not even listening.”

“i am!” he protests, stubbornly. childishly. “you just look so cute when you’re all mad. not my fault you’re so distracting.”

satoru smiles, voice sugar sweet, but all you can do is frown. does he really think it’s cute that you’re upset? the thought makes you somewhat sad. but you can’t show that, can’t let that part of you win — you don’t even want to think about the possibility of you crying, because of this. yeah, no way in hell. 

so instead, you channel it into anger. as the blood inside your veins comes to a boiling point, you dig your nails into the skin of your palms, gnawing at your bottom lip and shifting from one foot to another.

”satoru, i’m —” another sigh, sharp and vexed like the blade of a knife. ”i’m trying to have a serious conversation, here. can’t you see that i’m upset?”

satoru takes a moment to look at you, from behind the black glass of his shades.

he can. of course he can see that. you’re frowning, and there’s a crease between your brows, and you keep huffing and sighing every three seconds — you’re obviously, undoubtedly upset. and satoru wants to take you seriously, he does. it’s just that the part of his brain that only ever wants to coddle and tease you keeps persuading him not to.

he’s not lying, either; you do look cute. almost too cute to take seriously, when you’re pouting so sweetly, a little red in the face from all the frustration bubbling inside your chest. you look so small, glaring up at him like an angry puppy. 

satoru can’t help but smile. it’d be impossible not to.

and he will listen to you, will take you seriously. he knows you’re angry, knows you’re upset, and he intends to deal with that properly. but he doesn’t need to do it right now.

just a little more teasing, before he has to stop beating around the bush. satoru dreads it, a little bit, dreads having to genuinely be serious, be open and apologetic. it always feels so strange, so discomforting. 

all that stuff can wait until later. for now, he just wants to see you blush a little more, huff and puff at his limitless affection, that he knows you love deep down. where’s the harm?

(and therein lies the problem. satoru is observant, and typically good at seeing the line that he shouldn’t cross when it comes to you. but there are times when he slips up, times when he doesn’t realize that his words have begun to sting. times when the line becomes blurry, because he knows some part of you enjoys the way he babies you, and sometimes it blinds him to the part of you that doesn’t.)

satoru is smiling. it’s the same as always — big, bright, glazed over with honey-sweet adoration. smug and teasing. it’s such a satoru-like smile that it makes your breath hitch, sometimes, makes your heart race with wonder. but now all it does is annoy you. everything you love about satoru is annoying you, right now. 

in your eyes, that pretty smile of his seems almost taunting. like he’s trying to pick a fight with you, trying to make you even more upset. you don’t want to blow up over something like this, you really really don’t — but for some reason, you feel dangerously close to. it’s not like you at all.

you bore into his eyes with a cold glare, even though you can’t exactly see them with his shades in the way. posture straight and rigid as you try to make yourself look bigger. you must look at least a little bit menacing, like this. right?

“i’m seriously angry with you,” you say, hoping your voice sounds as austere to his ears as it does to yours. “don’t you get that?”

satoru coos, unable to hold the sound back. he doesn’t notice the flicker of hurt in your eyes, only focusing on how the sunset rays frame your figure, kissing your skin with sun-soaked fervor. you look so pretty. and that angry look on your face is too tantalizing not to tease.

“aww,” he croons, inching closer to you. there’s a teasing glint in his eyes that you can’t see, unmistakably fond. “is my little baby that upset?”

you blink. his voice sounds even more sugar-sweet now, obviously exaggerated. there’s amusement there, too — like this is just one big joke to him. you think he must be doing it to belittle you, to embarrass you. speaking to you like you’re some kind of grumpy toddler, and not a grown adult trying to have a serious conversation with their partner. your blood boils, boils, boils.

— and so the cup overflows.

“oh, go fuck yourself.”

it’s almost in a hiss that the words fall from your lips, cold and harsh; they leave the confines of your throat before you have a chance to reconsider them, sudden and sickeningly heavy. crude, too. you’d never be so crass with him under normal circumstances.

but you’re overwhelmed, thoroughly and completely, and satoru is being particularly infuriating. you genuinely feel hurt by the way he’s disregarding your feelings, and that realization stings more than anything. 

so you can’t help but say the words, louder than you meant to, before turning on your heel swiftly and walking out of the room. 

you don’t even have time to register what you’re doing, legs moving on their own before your mind can catch up. brisk and heavy steps carry you to the door, all while you furiously attempt to blink away the tears of frustration that begin to form in your eyes.

it only takes a second for you to grab your jacket — then you’re out.

satoru hears the front door close, echoing off the walls of your apartment. you don’t quite slam it shut, but you close it with more force than usual, and he can’t help but inwardly wince.

a moment passes. 

then, he flops down on the couch, lanky arms and legs dangling uncomfortably off the edges. the groan that slips from his lips is muffled by the soft cushion as he burrows his face into it, while replaying your interaction inside his mind.

satoru can’t help but feel uncomfortable, with this conclusion. a little bit irked. a vague something rests inside his chest, something he doesn’t quite want to admit to feeling. it makes him feel a little bit sick.

(”oh, go fuck yourself.”)

he can’t recall you ever raising your voice at him like that. when it comes to him, you’re usually so patient; soft, understanding, gentle. for you to have snapped in such a way — to have stormed out of the apartment in your anger — he must have pushed you pretty far.

satoru sighs.

he really pissed you off, huh?

(he can never quite seem to get this right, can he?)

it was never his intention to make you genuinely mad. he just lost sight of the line, for a second. that’s all.

and maybe he was also trying to avoid the issue, trying to avoid actually arguing with you. because he hates it. he hates it more than anything. satoru would much rather see you smile and blush than act all serious and sad. 

he just wanted to make you laugh.

was it insensitive? yeah, probably. he just can’t help but fuck this up, it seems. now he’s gone and made you angry — and as much as the sight would usually thrill him, as cute as you look when you’re irritated, a pit of anxiety settles in his gut. everything just feels wrong.

more than anything, satoru feels restless. because, right now, there’s nothing he can do. he can’t chase after you, even if just to apologize — that’d make you even angrier.

he knows he needs to give you space. you were obviously overwhelmed; some fresh air will do you good.

it irks him, though. satoru wants to fix it. he always wants to fix everything, before it even breaks. and even now, all his mind can do is spin in circles, wondering how he could possibly cheer you up.

he’ll just have to apologize, when you get back. and hope you forgive him. maybe he can get you something sweet to munch on, or a bouquet of flowers. would that make everything okay again?

satoru doesn’t know. so he just scratches his head, and tries his damndest not to think of how defeated you looked before leaving.

your steps are heavy, dragging you forward, leading you somewhere you have no knowledge of. it’s chilly out, and the sun is already setting.

everything in the world feels so wrong. like it’s tilted slightly to the left, like the earth stopped spinning around its axis. like everything suddenly lost its saturation. 

you just needed to get away from him, for a while. away from that smug smile, that patronizing tilt of his voice. you couldn’t even stand to be in the same apartment as him. it’s not often you feel that way, not often at all. 

and it only increases your growing frustration. 

you are beginning to calm down, though — you know you are. the crisp evening air and the pleasant mingle of people soothes your muddled senses, smoothing down the crease of your brow and the ache in your chest.

a heavy discomfort, and a growing guilt. that’s all you can feel, as the anger slowly seeps out of you, turning into vapour with every exhale of your breath.

you hate arguing with satoru. you hate it more than anything. the guilt clawing at your chest barely leaves any room for anger — you almost yelled at him. just the thought of doing that to satoru makes you want to cry.

because you love him, at the end of the day, even when he’s being absolutely insufferable. he’s a sweetheart, your sweet boy, always trying to lighten the mood and make you smile. maybe you should have been a bit more understanding; you know satoru’s bad at this stuff, bad with emotions and vulnerability. and deep down, you know he’d never hurt you, not on purpose.

he probably just didn’t realize that you were genuinely upset. it’s a mistake that anyone could make.

but it just makes you feel so frustrated. like he’s not even looking at you. always hiding behind those shades, never opening up. never letting you see him wear anything but a smile. you want him to take it slow, open up to you at his own pace, but that doesn’t make the wait sting any less.

it’s not like you were asking for a lot. first, you simply asked him to pick up after himself. the way you do, the way anyone does. then, you simply asked him to treat you with respect.

a sudden pang of bitterness runs through your chest. sure, you could’ve handled it all better — but he could have, too.

every step you take hits the pavement with an irritated kind of decision. whatever. whatever. for now, you don’t want to think about it — all you want is to walk around and take in the sights, enjoy the peace and quiet.

so that’s exactly what you do.

before you know it, the sun has set, and the moon has risen — shining down and painting the streets in a mesmerizing blue, ephemeral and tranquil. it’s enough to give you some peace of mind, as you lurk around familiar streets, soaking in all the open space. so different from that suffocating apartment, and the man inside it, with that shit-eating grin and those breathtaking eyes.

(he’s called you, a couple times. you haven’t been gone for long — an hour or so, you think, maybe two. some part of you wanted to answer, just to hear his voice through the phone, but the part of you that’s still awfully irritated shut that down immediately. so, stubbornly, you just let it ring.)

the streets are empty, and the sky is dark. the light of all the lampposts illuminate your way, along with the soft flicker of the moon and stars. an endless galaxy stretches out before your eyes, little pale dots of stardust shining like jewels.

an ever-lasting, never-changing sky, that continues on for infinity. limitless. all the space you could possibly want, and then some.

for a moment, you can only look at the glittering stars in wonder, soaking in the feeling of absolute solitude. 

— it doesn’t last, though.

“you alone?”

a sudden voice calls out from behind you. close, discerningly so, enough to make you flinch. you curse yourself for not noticing anything sooner, caught up in looking at the starry sky, in angling your phone to take a picture of it.

hesitantly, you turn your gaze towards the sound — wincing under your breath when you see the man a couple steps away from you. he looks a little crazed, you think, shifting from foot to foot and hunching over. 

oh fuck no.

great, just what you needed. that’s just your luck, isn’t it? your brain can only spin in circles, trying to get your body to react, to run. to do literally anything except just stand there like a deer caught in headlights.

in your nervosity, all you manage is a painfully awkward laugh, as you stutter out a halfhearted response.

“oh — no, i’m just waiting for my boyfriend!” you smile, unconvincingly. your face must be soaked in unease. whatever he wants with you, it can’t be anything good.

at least you said that one word clearly — boyfriend. you can only hope it’s enough to scare him away.

but the man only shifts a little more, emitting a gruff kind of hum, not saying anything else. your spine tingles with apprehension. every cell in your body wants you to leave. he seems a little intoxicated, you think, and the thought only stirs the anxious feeling in your chest further.

god. why does this have to happen to you? why now?

thankfully, you’ve got your phone in hand. as your mind scrambles for solutions, your fingers tap at the screen, urgently scrolling through your contacts. in such a frightened state, your acting must be positively awful, but you make a vague attempt. not like you’re getting any oscars for this, either way.

“sorry — he’s calling me now!” you stammer out, taking a step away from the man. he doesn’t make a move to follow you, so you take your chances and press your phone to your ear, feet carrying you forward with haste.

in your fear, you don’t think twice about calling satoru — but you can’t help but internally wince at the decision, as the anxious patter of your own heart resounds in your ears.

how are you supposed to talk to him, exactly? what are you supposed to say? hey, i know i just told you to go fuck yourself, but will you hear me out? i need your help. 

and you do. you do need his help. all you want is for him to swoop in, to take you in his arms, your knight in shining armor.

satoru’s said it to you, before — that if you need anything, anything at all, you can come to him. that you can always, always lean on him, without exception. 

you know that he likes helping you. likes it when you open up to him, when you put your trust in him. when you aren’t afraid to ask for his help.

so despite everything, you hold your phone to your ear, walking away with brisk steps and praying that he’s not petty enough to ignore your call like you did to his.

back home, satoru is still resting on the couch, tapping his feet and trying to distract himself. 

he’s a little anxious. it’s dark out, and you’re not answering any of his calls. when you’re out of sight, like this, he can’t help but feel a little helpless — worried about everything that could happen to you. but it’s not like he can force you to pick up. 

you’re probably at a friend’s house, or something. telling them all about what an asshole your boyfriend is. as much as the thought stings, satoru hopes it’s true; it’s all he can comfort himself with. anything is fine as long as you aren’t out walking alone, in the cold, in the dark.

entirely caught up in his spiralling thoughts, satoru almost flinches when the phone rings. laying on the table in front of him, just within arm’s reach. it only takes a second for him to react as his gaze flits to the bright screen, and he sees the contact name, the many heart emojis littering it.

with a start, satoru jumps up. his back straightens out, and his hand flies to grab the phone — he’d feel embarrassed at his own eagerness, but right now he just can’t help it. even under ordinary circumstances, he wouldn’t let the phone ring more than twice, always giddy to hear your voice whenever possible. 

this time, however, he does falter slightly.

he takes a split second to simply stare at the phone in his hand, at the affectionate contact name. what is he supposed to say to you, exactly? how is he supposed to act?

satoru doesn’t know, but as if afraid that you’ll change your mind and stop the call, yourself, he opts to simply answer. he’ll just have to figure out what to say on the fly.

(unfortunately, satoru’s instinctual response to anything is either smugness or playfulness.)

“well, well. look who finally decided to pick up.”

you’re the one who called him, not the other way around — but satoru can’t be bothered with small details like that right now. he only hopes you don’t notice the faint nervosity in his voice, the stiffness as he tries to sound unbothered.

you don’t notice anything at all, mind far too muddled, too clouded by fear. all you can do is take a deep breath, desperately trying to grasp control over your wavering voice.

“— satoru?” you call out, voice meek and frail. the man in question notices it immediately, sitting up a little straighter, but before he can say anything you continue. “i’m sorry, i just — are — are you still at home?”

there’s an anxious tilt to your voice, one that’d be impossible for satoru to miss. your words are a little breathy, spoken in a fast tempo, and he feels a sudden dread crawl up his spine.

something is wrong, his senses alert him.

“yeah,” he hums, trying to hide the turmoil in his own voice. “why? is everything okay?”

the line is quiet, for a second. “it’s just —“ an exhale, as you once again attempt to steer your voice in a less nervous direction. “just… some creepy guy tried to talk to me. i told him i was waiting for my boyfriend and now i’m walking away from him but he’s still following me.” another exhale, as you worriedly sneak a glance over your shoulder. ”i just — i don’t know what to —”

“where are you?”

satoru cuts you off, voice eerily serious. his gaze turned cold the moment he heard creepy guy, legs moving him towards the coat rack by the front door as if on autopilot. 

he’s already left the apartment by the time you answer, looking around you meekly.

“i… don’t know,” you sigh. “i’m not far. i walked past that one crêpe stand by the park but then i, like… continued up that street? and now i don’t really know where i’m going.”

you continue, a little exasperated as your gaze flits around the dark street. attempting to recall your steps, a difficult task with how on edge you feel. “i’ll try to look for a sign, or something,” you gulp. “… i’m sorry. i just wanted to get away from him.”

satoru’s voice is comforting, when he speaks, eager to console you. grounding and soft. “hey, it’s okay. i’m heading there now, alright?” he smiles, hoping you’ll hear it in his voice. “i’ll be there before you know it.”

you do hear it, and his words ease a little of the anxiety in your chest, despite your fear. “okay.” 

the line grows quiet, again, and your brows furrow in worry. “can — can i keep talking to you?” you ask, uncertain. a little pitiful. ”please?”

“of course,” satoru answers, instantaneous. he’s already making his way towards the crêpe stand with decision in his steps, mentally scanning the area ahead. despite his own anxiety at the situation, he attempts to sound as secure as he can possibly manage, desperate to soothe the worry in your voice.

“try to relax for me, okay? nobody’s gonna hurt you. not while i’m here.”

his words are absolute, as he consoles you. he sounds so sure of himself, so much that you can’t help but believe in his words. so you nod, emitting a weak hum when you remember he can’t see you.

“can you tell me what you see, baby?”

“uhh…” you look around, blindly, trying to find some sort of meaningful hint around you. “there’s like… some toy shop?” 

satoru only hums. “can you check your location on your phone?” 

you blink. 

of course. why on earth didn’t that cross your mind before? 

“oh — yeah — fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know why i didn’t —“ you sigh, heavy. “hold on.”

following satoru’s instructions swiftly, your gaze scans over the screen. he waits, patiently, already heading past the park and up ahead. as soon as you succeed in finding the name of the street, you echo it to him.

satoru sighs, a little relieved. “okay,” he hums. “i’m not that far away. i’ll be there soon.” he only hopes his words can soothe your fear, even a little. “is he still following you?”

you glance behind you, and meet the gaze of the stranger. just like you were afraid of, he’s still following you — if anything, he seems to have gotten a little closer. with a jolt, your heartbeat picks up.

“yeah,” you gulp. 

satoru’s chest tightens. he emits a low hum. “just hold on. i’ll hurry.”

focusing only on the tilt of satoru’s voice, you try to calm your breathing. you just want to see him. the thought of doing so is the only thing keeping your trembling ribcage intact, at this point. 

you swallow a shaky breath.

“thanks, toru.”

a sudden pang of ache sprouts in satoru’s chest, like thorny vines curling around his ribcage. his heart hurts. you sound so scared, so very small. 

this is all his fault, he thinks. all of it. he got too careless; none of this would’ve happened if he had only been more considerate. if he had just stopped you from leaving and apologized, or hadn’t upset you in the first place. then he wouldn’t have to hear that scared little voice, wouldn’t have to imagine your body shaking like a leaf in the cold night. so far away from him. 

but satoru can’t beat himself up over it, not yet. there’ll be more than enough time for that later. for now, he needs to get to you — that’s the only thing on his mind.

so he lets his feet carry him forward, running towards your location with bated breath. he’s sure you can hear it, through the phone, even though he tries to contain it.

the sound consoles you, if anything. it reminds you that satoru is there, that he’s on his way. that there’s no need to be scared. 

but you can’t help but freak out, a little, when you hear the man call out from behind you.

“hey!” he slurs, stumbling towards you with unsteady steps. his voice is loud, angry, and it sends your mind reeling into panic mode.

a flinch overtakes your body, before you stumble forward, walking even faster than before. you’re almost running now, breath hitching as you gulp. satoru hears it all — your panic, the echo of the man. his own tempo picks up.

“baby, calm down, okay?” he consoles you, voice concerned and honey-sweet. “just keep walking. i’m almost there.”

“sorry —“ you squeak out, between flurry breaths. breathing uneven, laboured and anxious. but you try your best to calm down. “‘s just scary.”

it almost feels physical, the way it irks him. satoru wants to pull you close, more than anything, but he can’t. and that just makes the calamity inside his chest grow, clawing at his ribcage as if trying to escape, to go to your side. 

(he never, ever wants to hear that kind of fear in your voice again.)

“i know,” he soothes. “you’re doing good, honey. listen — he’s not gonna touch you. i won’t let him. you have nothing to be scared of.”

you nod, even as you exhale a shaky breath. ”i know.” 

and you do. you know there’s a truth, to satoru’s words, one that’s never failed you before.

because satoru is your safe space, at the end of the day — he can be annoying, outright insufferable, and sometimes he’s bad with emotions. but he tries, you know he does. and, more than anything else, you know that he’ll always, always be there when you need him. he’ll always be there to protect you. 

and a part of you is sure that everything will be okay, as long as he’s around.

(it’s easy to forget how trustworthy satoru really is, how much he cares. how dependable he is. and how serious he can get, when he truly needs to be, despite his childishness. it’s moments like these that remind you of that.)

but it’s still scary, at the end of the day. you can’t help but feel uncomfortable, a little lost in the world. because you and satoru just fought, you just told him to go fuck himself, and yet here he is. running to your side, in the middle of the night, because you’re scared and alone and you need him.

the man continues to shout, behind you, muttering curses you can’t quite make out. you look over your shoulder nervously, steps hurried.

and satoru runs like a man possessed, through the moonlit streets, gaze scanning the area like a wild beast. his most visceral instinct is screaming at him, tugging at his flesh and bones, desperate to protect you. to comfort you. to wash all your worries away. 

as he makes a sharp turn, he momentarily stops the movement, halting to look around. he thinks he must look a little crazed, with the moonlight illuminating his eyes, but he couldn’t care less.

especially not when his gaze lands on a certain person, further down the street — small and alone.

your eyes meet his.

with the darkness of the street, it’s hard to make anything out, but the light of the lamppost helps. though even without it, satoru’s sure he’d know it was you, just from the sensation that unfurls in his chest as his gaze lands on your figure. 

an audible sigh of immense relief falls from his lips, and his tense shoulders relax, eyes softening just a tad. he hears a similar noise coming from the phone in his grasp, and he assumes that means you recognize him too. not bothering to end the call, he puts it in his pocket, walking over to you with brisk steps. 

you stumble towards him, yourself, the worried crease between your brows now smoothed away. the closer he gets, the faster you move, until you can see the blue of his eyes. two pocket-sized moons.

satoru swoops you in for a hug before either of you can say anything.

he cradles you close, awfully close, so close you can hear his heavy breathing against your ear. it tickles your neck, along with his soft hair, and you shiver. his fragrance envelops your senses, a blend between fresh laundry, strawberries and some expensive cologne. your favorite scent in the world. 

and suddenly, the world is devoid of danger. nothing can get to you while satoru’s there. all that exists is you, and him, and the soft flicker of the moon.

satoru squeezes you tightly, ensuring himself over and over again that you’re safe. he might be squeezing you a little too tight, but he can’t bring himself to think about that just yet.

finally, that growing calamity inside his chest is satiated. winding down at the feeling of you pressed up against him, the indisputable proof that you’re okay. with you in his arms, satoru feels like everything is alright, again.

the fear inside his chest, so foreign it leaves him shaken to the very core, finally begins to dissipate too. he doesn’t think there’s anything that makes him feel quite as hopeless as the thought of not being there for you when you need him. he never wants to feel that fear again. it’s suffocating. it crushes his lungs.

all he can do is hold you close, his big palm smoothing down your hair, the back of your head, your spine. warm and comforting. keeping you steady against him. he can feel your heartbeat, rapid and anxious, so fast that his heart aches. satoru is eager to soothe you, eager to make it go away.

”i’m here, baby,” he breathes, rubbing his cheek against the side of your head. ”you’re safe now.”

the words are spoken softly, right by your ear, and you exhale a shaky breath. you’re bundling up his clothing with your fists, anchoring yourself to him. after a little while, you let go, opting to wrap your arms around his midriff instead. nuzzling into his broad chest, you try to blink away your tears and contain your sniffles.

you nod against him, and satoru kisses the crown of your head.

and, finally, his gaze strays. it falls farther down the street, until it lands on a certain man — shifting from one foot to another. watching you both in silence.

the calamity inside his chest rouses from its slumber, once more.

satoru makes sure to keep his hands on you, still rubbing your back with one steady palm cradling the back of your head. keeping your face hidden in his chest, safe and secure.

then he raises his head, back straight, full height on display as his eyes meet the stranger’s. he can tell they do, even with the distance, the darkness of the street.

and satoru knows he looks menacing. he knows the light of the lamppost illuminates his figure perfectly, framing his tall stature and broad shoulders. and he knows the moonlight caressing his skin illuminates his face, his cold eyes — blue and uncanny, glowing even brighter than the moon. staring daggers into the man’s soul. if looks could kill, there wouldn’t even be any remains left to find.

the man stiffens, visibly, and satoru delights in it. he doesn’t leave, though, and for a second satoru wonders if he’s really intoxicated enough to come closer — 

but, sure enough, all he does is stagger a little. then he walks away, grumbling under his breath, hands in his pockets.

and satoru isn’t satisfied, with this conclusion. not in the slightest. he wants to run up to the man, wants to hold him up by the throat, wants to tell him off. because he has the nerve to terrorize someone like that, stalk them with intentions he knows can’t be anything but revolting. the nerve to do that to you, of all the people in the world —

satoru doesn’t know if he’s hated anyone quite as much. 

and a part of him wants to make him cower. make him fear for his life, just to make sure he never does anything like this again. leave him with a fear so great it’ll linger for as long as he’s alive.

(and a more animalistic side of satoru, one he doesn’t want to acknowledge, wants to do things that are much, much worse.)

— but you come first. without question, and without exception. he refuses to leave you alone, and refuses to make you look at the man for even a second more. 

so he’ll focus on you, entirely.

he can tell you’re still shaken up, heartbeat pulsating against him, little flutters of life prickling his skin. there’s a desperation in the way you hug his waist, like he could disappear at any moment. like he’ll slip away if you don’t keep him close. the sight tugs at satoru’s heartstrings. 

his first priority is to soothe you, always and forever. so that’s exactly what he does.

satoru smiles. it’s small, in the wake of the situation, but awfully sincere. fingers reaching down to trace over your jaw, he gently urges you to look at him; when you do so, hesitant, he cups your cheek with his palm.

your teary eyes feel like daggers to his heart, an unmistakable proof of his failure. his failure to protect you, to keep you safe and happy. but at the same time, he’s glad, from the bottom of his heart — that you’d let him see you like this. even after everything.

you look very meek, blinking the tears away as you look into his eyes. they’re bright, and comforting. you wonder if he left the shades at home, if he rushed over here so hurriedly that he didn’t think to bring them with him. you’re happy, in any case — the effect they have on you is undeniable. 

you can’t bring yourself to look away, consoled by the flickers of white inside his irises, like fluffy clouds in the blue sky. ever-lasting, never-changing.

satoru tilts his head, smile sweet and understanding. ”that was scary, hm?” 

his voice is tender, somehow so mature. like he’s some older, wiser being, comforting a scared child. it’s so soothing, so very grounding.

squeezing your eyes shut, you can only bring yourself to nod, as you nuzzle back into his chest.

”you’re okay now, honey,” satoru coos, smoothing down your back as you sniffle. an immense softness seeps through his whisper. ”i’ll always be here to protect you.”

there’s a truth to the statement, heavy and pious. like an oath, a pledge, something for you to believe in unquestioningly. you allow yourself to soak in the words, knowing them to be true.

you’re safe, now. there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. satoru’s here, and he’s hugging you, pressing kisses against your shoulder.

but you just can’t stop crying.

when you speak up, your voice is weak, barely above a whisper. close to breaking apart at the seams. too tired after everything to resist the guilt inside your veins, you sniffle, and part your lips.

”i’m sorry i yelled at you.”

satoru stills.

then, his gaze softens, considerably. he hears himself coo, softly, palm smoothing down the back of your head. 

his sweet angel. apologizing to him, when he’s the one who started this whole mess. when you’re still so shaken up. because he let you leave the house angry, because he made you angry in the first place. because he didn’t see how important the discussion was to you.

(“you’re not even listening.”)

yeah. he wasn’t. he didn’t really want to.

an acute sense of shame. an intense guilt. that’s what he’s been trying to push down, all this time. that’s the unnamed something. 

it’s hard for him. to be as sincere as you, as open with his feelings and emotions. as mature. because even in a situation like this, you can swallow your pride and frustration, and apologize. even when you aren’t in the wrong. you’re always the bigger person, always the one to give in first, because he’s too stubborn to do so himself.

next time, satoru pledges, he won’t let you. next time he’ll be the one to swallow his pride.

because, yes, being vulnerable and admitting that he was in the wrong makes him feel a little like he’s being skewered alive — but you’re important to him. he loves you. and he wants you to know how much he trusts you, how special you truly are. 

if he can show you that, by being a little sincere, a little serious, then any discomfort he feels in the process is a small price to pay.

satoru’s lips meet the crown of your head, as he encircles your smaller frame, arms reaching around your neck to pull you close. he rests his jaw lightly on the top of your head, breathing in your scent. ”you have nothing to apologize for, baby.”

a pause lingers between the words he’s already said and the ones he yearns to say, but can’t seem to pull out from within his throat. it takes effort, to squeeze them out; but every time he replays your own apology in his mind, it gets a little easier. he squeezes you lightly before opening his mouth, as if to give him strenght.

“i’m sorry.”

you blink. 

for once, satoru sounds sincere when he apologizes — almost painfully so. bordering on something you think may be nervosity. you try to look up, to catch a glimpse of his expression, but he keeps you hidden in the crook of his neck.

”i was being immature,” he continues, sighing. you don’t know if you’ve ever heard satoru sound so uncomfortable. ”you know how bad i am with this stuff. but i never want to — you know.” 

he makes a gesture with one of his hands, as if that will say the words for him.

“— i didn’t mean to upset you. honestly.” satoru inhales the cold air, in hopes it’ll make him more honest. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

you listen. intently, not missing a word, not a single tilt of his voice. it all sounds so genuine, almost foreign on his tongue. satoru seems to be trying to find the right words, grumbling a little under his breath. 

he’s cute, like this. kind of awkward, but that only makes him cuter. you nuzzle closer to him, comforted by his very existence.

”… i’ll work on it,” he whispers, at last. “i’ll listen to you. i promise. i really, really will.” 

you think satoru’s voice wavers, just a little, when he says his final piece. 

“so please don’t cry.”

this time, satoru doesn’t stop you when you attempt to lift your gaze, loosening his arms around you and raising his head from where it rests on top of yours. 

your eyes meet. satoru is smiling, weakly. he tilts his head, looking at you with something you could only ever describe as love.

”okay?”

such a lovely smile. so painfully genuine. his eyes are on full display, shining in the dark of the night, like splotches of moonlight. like someone stole the moon down to earth, and carved out little pieces to put in his irises. an ethereal hue.

he’s so gorgeous. hair just a tad messy, tousled from all the running he did to get here. cheeks a little red from the cold. when he smiles, his eyes crinkle. but he looks almost pained. 

(he was so, so worried.)

blinking away the tears clinging to your lashes, you simply stare, entirely mesmerized by the sight. satoru’s thumb goes to wipe at your glassy eyes, smoothing away the drops that threaten to fall. you want to engrave his expression into your memory, so you can never forget it. but it’s just a little too much.

so you hide in his chest, once more. the word that falls from your lips is tiny. “okay.”

satoru smiles, kissing the top of your head with a relieved exhale. bathing in your presence, still reeling from his show of vulnerability. he feels a little like he just cut himself open, let you peek inside his ribcage. the night air stings his skin. 

but you’re so warm, hugging him tightly, breathing and heartbeat finally relaxed. 

(he doesn’t mind it, not if it’s you — having you look inside his chest. if you asked, he’d let you build a shelter there. right between his fourth and fifth ribs.)

now that the words are out of his throat, they don’t burn at all. satoru feels a little silly, for being so scared to say them out loud. he knows you’d never use them against him.

all you do is snuggle closer, as if silently conveying your forgiveness.

you stand there for just a little while longer, wallowing in the tender atmosphere. finally, satoru makes a move to leave, and you begin to walk back home.

“sure you’re okay now, baby?”

you nod, exhaling a flurry breath. it turns into vapour in the cold of the air, drifting up and dissipating in the expanding starry sky. “yeah. thanks for coming so quickly.”

“of course,” satoru only says, choking back a yawn. 

your hands are intertwined, and he’s halfheartedly swinging them back and forth. it soothes your anxiety, and satoru’s protective instincts. you know neither of you will slip away, like this.

you shiver a little, subconsciously inching closer to satoru to protect you from the harsh bite of the midnight breeze. he notices, giving you a glance and a tilt of his head. “you cold?” 

“just a little,” you mutter, smiling weakly as you look up at him. ”i’m fine.”

satoru huffs. did you really think he’d be dissuaded by such a weak retort? there’s no way he’s letting you walk around all cold and shivering. 

so you come to a standstill, as satoru begins to shrug off his coat. he refuses to let go of your hand for even a second, making the process slower than usual — your heart flutters a little, as his fingers curl around yours, delicately. 

when he finally gets it off him, he wastes no time in draping it over your shoulders. it’s big on you, warm and soft, shielding you from the chilly air. satoru can’t help but giggle sheepishly, as he always does at the sight — you look so cute. 

“c’mon. let’s go home,” he grins, ruffling your hair teasingly.

satoru doesn’t feel cold, not in the slightest, as he holds your hand tightly. just your presence is enough to warm his bones to the marrow.

the silence between you is comforting and soothing, as you continue to walk. hand in hand, admiring the starry sky. you’re both too tired to speak — but satoru does so, anyway.

“i meant it, y’know.” satoru sounds sleepy, but earnest. ”i really will work on it.”

he doesn’t look at you when he says it, yawning softly and stretching his free arm. gaze fixed on the morning star. 

“oh.” you pause, squirming a little. sheepish. “thank you. i’m sorry that i — i mean.” a sigh. “i probably overreacted a little.”

satoru shakes his head, waving off your guilt. “nah. you’re right. i never want you to feel like i’m not taking you seriously.”

his gaze meets yours, tentatively. his eyes shine like wedding rings. “you mean a lot to me.”

the sincere words manifest themselves as a heavy pressure to your chest, closing in on your heart as if crushing it. it’s a pleasant sensation, though, overwhelming as it is. you’re a little scared that your knees will buckle if he keeps this up, but even if they do, you wouldn’t want him to stop — satoru’s love is terrifically overwhelming when there’s nothing to hide it, when it’s just love and nothing else.

but you’d never reject it. you’d let it crush you to death with a smile on your face.

all you can do is avert your gaze, afraid that you’ll fall into the blue sea of his eyes if you don’t. heavy thumps of blood resound in your ears as your heart beats, warmth spreading throughout your entire body.

“… you mean a lot to me, too.” you echo, holding his hand just a little tighter. warmth rises to your cheeks. “i just felt really frustrated, i guess. like you were looking down on me. i know you weren’t actually, though.”

satoru chews at the inside of his cheek, almost anxiously. “i know i can be a little much sometimes,” he says, tasting the words on his tongue. “and i appreciate you for putting up with that. i’m sorry i let it go too far. i’ll be more considerate.”

your heart stutters in your chest. you’re not sure what to say — the way he forms his words makes them feel so absolute. and you believe him.

“i’ll be more considerate, too,” you echo, looking down at the pavement. “i shouldn’t have blown up like that.” a pause. you mumble, quietly, a little embarrassed. “i shouldn’t have told you to go fuck yourself.”

satoru breathes out an amused huff, chuckling lightheartedly. his eyes carry a teasing glint when they meet yours. “i probably deserved that. no worries.”

“still,” you pout. satoru giggles. 

“we’ll both work on it, then,” he hums, tilting his head to find your gaze. “right?”

you blink. a small smile breaks out across your face. “right.”

satoru swings your hands back and forth, looking awfully happy with himself. you’re proud of him. really.

“oh —“ he says, breaking the sleepy silence once again. “and i’ll stop leaving wrappers around, too.”

this time, you’re the one who huffs out an amused breath. “thank you,” you grin, looking up at him. he thinks the sight is terribly precious.

a yawn leaves your lips, drowsiness sneaking its way into your bloodstream. you’re not sure if it’s due to the dark, or if you’re just a tad exhausted after all the arguing and panicking.

satoru notices, and gets an idea.

“you tired, baby?” he coos, eyes teasing but soft around the edges. “d’you want a piggyback ride?” 

when you give him a look, sleepy and kind of exasperated, satoru grins. you huff out an amused breath, just a tad embarrassed, but it only spurs him on.

so he crouches down, one knee meeting the pavement, letting your hand slip from his. you blink, tiredly, at the loss of contact. you can’t see his face, but you know he’s wearing that lovesick, smug little grin of his. 

”c’mon. your big, strong boyfriend’ll carry you.”

satoru’s feeling playful, you can tell. that’s usually a bad sign — but you can’t deny that you’re tired. and the prospect of getting carried all the way home is eerily tempting. 

your gaze falls on his back, and his broad shoulders. silently, you walk towards him, and wrap your arms around his neck. satoru holds you up by your thighs, and then stands up, jostling you a little; he does so without a hitch, and you’re reminded of how strong he really is. his grip is secure, and you trust him not to drop you, no matter what. 

you let out a content sigh, basking in the chill of the midnight air as you nuzzle your cheek against his soft hair. satoru chuckles.

”my sleepy lil’ sweetheart,” he coos, voice a tad raspy. ”lucky thing you’ve got me, huh?”

there’s a softness to his voice, despite the teasing tilt obscuring it. you can only huff out a breath, somewhere between a chuckle and a scoff, and cling to him tighter.

satoru will get you home safe. he can be annoying, outright insufferable, and he can be bad with emotions — but you can always, always trust him on that. 

so, with his coat shielding you from the chilly air, and his back warming you up as he carries you back to your apartment, you allow your eyes to flutter shut; enjoying the cozy feeling his presence brings you.

he’ll always be there when you need him.

[buuniebaby]

ALL MINE. 🎀

includes: drunk sex (pre-negotiated), daddy kink, jealous possessive hamzah 💗💗💗

wc: 2.5k

here’s your porn.. i am sooo tired but literally first thing in the morning (my alarm is literally set to 5am) im finishing up some hcs and latina reader. 💗

thank you guys for all the support on my fics and being patient with me - it means a lot ! 💖

physical touch has always been your love language.

you’re a relatively clingy person in general, but your affection is doubled when you’re around your boyfriend. it’s always one of your hands somewhere - hip, thigh, arms, or even other places. he reciprocates it, being attached to you by the hip 24/7.

it only gets worse when you’re drunk.

hamzah’s in his car, grasping the wheel with an angry pressure, trying to keep his composure. it’s late - way too late to to be picking you up from the bar. he’s not necessarily upset at you for having fun, and he’s never one to control whether you go to parties or not, drink or not drink, but something about you being intoxicated with so many people around irritates him a bit.

he watches as you, your best friend, and a guy he doesn’t happen to recognize walk out of the door. whoever this guy is, he’s a little too touchy with you for hamzah’s liking. it’s like he’s trying to grope you but doesn’t want to be weird, but it’s still weird anyways.

he decides he’s been pushed a little too far off the edge when he slams his car in park and exits it.

you’re smiling up at him, head lulling back a bit. you’re fucked up, and he can tell. he watches as you droop back into the guy behind you, his walking pace speeding up.

he yells a loud, “baby?” trying to send some sort of signal to the man to show that you’re his. the moment he gets close enough to you to make contact with you, a big hand is yanking you by the wrist into his arms.

you immediately slouch into hamzah’s body, who picks you up over his shoulder and carries you back to the car. his grip is tight, as if someone was trying to steal you from his arms.

“hamzaahhhh,” you groan out, recognizing his possessive touch.

the car ride back is quiet - a mix of your boyfriend’s anger and your drunken sleepiness. it’s not that he’s angry at you; you’re not the problem here. it’s whoever he was, the man touching what belongs to hamzah.

“who was that?” he mumbles, speaking firmly under his breath.

“this guy who my friend.. she was trying to hook up with.. I think.” you mutter, remembering what you’re about to say as you speak it.

“you sure he’s into her? seemed more touchy around you.” he continues, keeping his eyes strictly in front of him.

“ew- don’t say that.” you drag as you speak, drunkenness prominent in your voice. you hear hamzah let out a chuckle under his breath. it calms him a little - he knows you’re better then that. it doesn’t end his irritation, but it makes him feel at least a little bit better.

“you’re mine, by the way.” hamzah says, hand creeping up to your thigh, the other still on the wheel. “don’t forget that.”

it’s still hurting hamzah by the time you get home. he’s aware that he may be being unreasonable, given that you’ve admitted you don’t have any attraction for whoever that was. but it’s the way you sway your hips drunkenly as you walk, thighs showing out of your tiny little dress - a sight he wants to hide away from the world, something that should belong to him. just the thought of anyone else being attracted to you makes him feel like his throat is closing up with anxiety.

as you’re turning the corner to go to your shared room, you force yourself to take a step back, doing a double take. you look at hamzah’s puzzled expression, trying to decipher whether what you’re seeing is real or you’re just drunk.

“you’re mad.” you state, looking at him straight in the eyes. you’re asking a question, but the way it comes out is firm. your brain is a little scrambled.

“m’not-“ he mumbles, stopping himself. “not at you.” he continues as he follows you into your bedroom.

you fall back-first onto the bed, closing your eyes and absentmindedly fidgeting with your fingers as you speak. “something happen?”

he scoffs a bit. you’re what happened.

“i guess you’re just.. really fucking hot. and other people know that, and it’s just like..” he rambles, pausing to think.

“like?” you tilt your head.

“like, i want you all to myself.” he says under his breath, sitting himself next to you on the bed. his comment makes you jolt up, sitting to face him.

you watch as he eyes you down from above. all you do is pout your lips, looking back at him with furrowed brows. you’re not getting it.

“you have me.” you say, firmly, scooting just a tiny bit closer to him. a hand trails to your thigh.

he lets out a deep sigh as he gathers his thoughts. you see his brain computing, like gears turning telling him what to say.

“i’m not saying you’re the problem.” he starts. “i know you’re loyal. i trust you.” you feel his hand move from your thigh to your hand, holding it gently, then giving it a squeeze. it’s a nice affirmation, but you still don’t understand what he’s getting at.

“just want you to be safe- don’t want anyone to hurt you. don’t want you just, trusting any guy at the bar when you’re messed up like this.” he says, rubbing his finger up and down your wrist. you lean your head on his shoulder, processing his words.

“yeah,” you sigh, closing your eyes on his shoulder. you can still feel his stare down at you, even if you can’t see it. “you’re right.”

that’s hamzah’s closure, his key to calm down and cuddle you in bed; rest his mind.

until he hears a quiet, “what if i want to get hurt? like, destroyed.”

“what?” he asks, peace interrupted. he’s turning to you, completely lost. you pout, and suddenly your hand has snuck out of his, now creeping over his sweatpants.

“especially by you.” you smile. now he understands where this is going. he shudders as you softly palm him over his pants. it’s not enough to get him going, but he can feel himself starting to get hard. “want you to use me like im your toy- because I’m yours, hamzah.”

and fuck, does that turn him on. you know exactly how to excite him, even when drunk. you’re pushing all the right buttons, making the possessiveness in him really start to come out.

his hand comes down on yours, bringing your movements to a stop. he breathes heavy for a second, but speaks firmly once his breath is caught. “you’re drunk, baby- i don’t know if you should-“

you interrupt him, coming in cold. “you don’t remember?”

he tilts his head back at you. “remember.. what?”

“i told you, when i was sober.. said you could do anything to me if i was drunk. said that for a reason, y’know.” you recall, giving him a big, eyes-dazed, woozy smile.

it comes back to him all then, and fuck, you’re right. he had completely forgotten about the whole conversation you two had, where you had given him permission to fuck you, even if you were intoxicated.

it’s a mix of that and the imagery in his mind from your prior words that causes him to mutter out a strangled “fuck it,” pulling your body on top of his. you can’t help but let out a squeal-like giggle: you’re finally getting what you’ve wanted.

he’s kneading at your hips before he can even pull you into a kiss. it’s messy when your lips press against his, sloppy kisses leaving spit around his lips.

his hand trails down to the bottom of your dress, pulling it over your ass. he pulls away from the kiss, wanting to see what’s down there, only to be met with a sight that fuels his possessiveness.

“wearing a slutty thong like this out?” he mutters, spanking you hard. “what if someone saw, baby? you know that pretty pussy is just for me.” he continues, rubbing over the same area he just spanked.

“m’sorry-“ you whine, but you’re cut off by your own voice, gasping as he rips your thong literally in half, pulling them off of you.

“it’s okay baby.” he smirks, holding the ripped panties in his hand. “you know that I’m the only guy who gets to see all of you.”

“also, ill buy you a new one.” he whispers, planting a quick kiss on your cheek. next thing you know he’s pulling your dress over your chest.

“no bra either baby?” he says, shaking his head, and suddenly another hand is coming down on your ass. “bad fucking slut.”

you grind your hips into him, apologizing with your body. you whimper out a helpless, “m’sorry, im sorry daddy-“

hamzah pulls back a little at that, pausing.

“what’d you just say?” he says, making sure what he just heard was real.

you continue to frantically apologize, a string of “m’sorry, im yours, i didn’t mean it,” until finally, you say that word.

“i’m sorry, daddy.”

that’s all it takes to get a rise out of hamzah. he’s slamming you down on the bed, crawling on top of you. his hips grind down on your naked body, dick still enclosed by his sweatpants, the friction sending shocks to your clit.

“my fucking slut,” he groans, “showing off her body to the whole fucking world.” his hips slam into yours hard, still fully clothed.

“you need me to mark you up? need everyone to know that you belong to me?” he angrily barks out at you, only making you wetter.

“please- wanna show you off daddy- bruise me.” is all you have to say for hamzah to start biting at your neck. he doesn’t stop at just a few hickeys, no, your throat is covered in bitemarks. he continues down to your collarbone, biting, suckling, nibbling - anything to claim your body as his.

he pulls away, admiring the redness all over your upper half. you’re like an art piece, painted with the red-hot passion coming from his body. you’re his muse.

a hand wraps itself around your throat, putting you in a chokehold. hamzah uses his grip to yank you out of your laying position. from there, he picks you up, pushing you down to the floor. you get on your knees, as if it’s an instinct.

“my pretty girl’s face, my fucking throat.” you hear him mindlessly mumble, untying and pulling down his sweatpants. you can see how hard he is through his boxers, cock nearly peeking out through the waistband. you feel your mouth water as he pulls it out, desperate for it to be inside you.

he slaps the head against your lips, once, twice, before you’re opening up for him. he goes slow at first, letting you dance your tongue around the tip, taking your time.

but hamzah is impatient.

it’s why he’s grabbing at the back of your head, forcing you down to the base. you squeal when your nose makes contact with the thick layer of hair against his skin, balls slapping against your chin. he holds your head there for a second, then lets you pull off for air.

you drunkenly smile up at him, spit slicked around your mouth. he slaps his cock against your face, making you squint your eyes. he laughs at how fucked-out you are, and he hasn’t even touched you yet.

“such a fucking slut.” he chuckles, deep and under his breath. “only for my cock.”

you smile up back at him stupidly, mouth still covered in slick. “only for your cock,” you repeat after him.

“mhmm? want it inside you?” he teases. what he doesn’t expect is your immediate reaction, excitedly jumping up off your knees and into his lap. you wrap your arms around his neck, bare chest pressed to his shirt.

“please, fuck- need your cock in me sooo bad daddy. want you to fucking use me, so bad, make a mess out of me.” you ramble, giggling as you speak. he grinds his hips up into yours as you relay your fantasies to him, turned on by how desperate you are for his cock, and his only.

“yeah? want it that bad, baby?” he says in a sing-song voice, teasing you. he grips his cock in his hand, touching your bare pussy with just the tip, but he makes sure not to slide it in. you nod, desperately, shaky pleads rapidly exiting your mouth.

“gotta do something for me first. that okay, baby?” he asks, and you’re nodding rapidly.

“mhm? what is it?” you ask back, eager for his cock.

“can you repeat after me, baby?” he softly asks, receiving another nod from you.

“im hamzah’s slut, and all of my holes belong to him.”

you don’t hesitate.

“im hamzah’s slut, all my holes belong to him, my pussy is yours- fuck!” you scream when his cock enters you. he doesn’t hesitate or slow for you to get used to the stretch. he’s claiming every inch of your pussy, going as deep as he can inside of you.

“fucking made for my cock.” he says, snapping his hips up into you at a cruel pace. “taking it so well.”

you can already feel yourself getting close. his dick prods up against that spot every thrust, and his words only make it feel better. you shudder at each brush against your sweet spot, thighs shaking softly against him.

hamzah only increases the pace, thrusting into you with vigor. it’s a brutal assault on your cunt, but god does it feel good. his hand brushes through his curls while the other pins you down to the mattress.

he feels you clench around him, and suddenly his thrusts switch from fast and eager to slow but deep. he follows you as you orgasm around him, planting his cum deep inside you.

he pulls out with a grunt, catching his breath while he admires your body. again - you’re his work of art. he watches as a trickle of cum leaks out of you, and he pushes it back in with his finger.

he’s claimed you.

you’re his.

he pulls himself out of his trance when your body moves out of its position. he remembers how drunk you are again, watching you as you reach to tuck yourself in under the covers. he places a kiss in your cheek before he gets in bed next to you, tucking the two of you in together.

it’s peaceful, domestic- it’s satisfying to him, the way he knows that you won’t get this with any other guy. even when you’re drunk, you still don’t protest his possessiveness. it makes him feel warm inside.

as much as you’re his, he’s yours.

[savannahsdeath]

hiii I love your work! could you pretty please do some toxic ellie? :)

TOXIC!ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

summary: a miserable attempt to leave your toxic girlfriend

warnings: preferably 18+, just lots of toxic shit, manipulating, reader is crying

writers note: probably the only toxic post you'll see on my profile. honestly, i dont even know why i wrote this and im posting it just for the anon. i dont support any toxic behavior, cuz even a simple fanfic can bring some harm. dont read it if youre sensitive to such topics and if you decide to read it, dont romanticize it and dont blame me for any bad feelings you felt while reading - youre responsible for your own media consumption, im not forcing anyone to read. as i said, i just post it for the anon and also because i dont want it to just sit in my drafts (i dont have the guts to delete it). ugh its kinda long but i just want to make sure everyones safe, please take care🩷

you were sitting in your bed with your head buried between your knees for half an hour now, ignoring the buzzing of your phone. you caught her with another girl. you should cry and feel miserable, and all you could think of was; 'finally! finally a reason to leave her!!'. all you could feel was happiness.

but leaving her wasn't easy. you tried a few times before.

'maybe it'll be different this time', you hoped. but the way you kept receiving notifications from her said otherwise. 'maybe if i ignore her for a few more minutes, she'll let me go.'

you tried to put your phone down, but your hands won't let you. your thumbs kept reaching for the screen in a desperate, involuntary action. you were powerless to stop it. you knew you shouldn't respond. you know you should walk away, but you couldn't. every time she messaged you, your heart beated faster and your breathing quickened. you knew this isn't the best thing for you, but a part of you was still clinging to hope.

'enough, stop it.' you ordered to yourself.

you picked up your phone, deciding to call your friend. she'll make you remember all the cruel things ellie did and leaving her will be easier.

your hands were shaking and you were truly scared of what's going to happen. you hestitated for too long before clicking on your friend's profile and.. lost your chance.

ellie was calling you. she wasn't giving up and she was probably pissed off by now.

you sighed and whispered; 'sorry' to your future self, before answering the call.

"why aren't you answering to my texts, huh?" she asked in an accusatory tone, as if you were the one who did something wrong.

your breath hitched as you heard her voice. there's no going back now. "i'm sorry, ellie, it's over." you mumbled and shook your head in disbelief. 'i'm sorry'?? for what? where was your confidence?

she took it from you, just like she's going to take anything she wants.

"i'll pick you up in a few minutes." she announced and you felt tears starting to well up in your eyes.

great. so she's on her way here.

you took a deep breath to stop your voice from quivering. "i'm not going anywhere- not with you."

ellie laughed, thinking it's all a joke. "you're funny, honey. you know you come crawling back to me everytime." she replies calmly. "so get ready. i'm coming to pick you up, and then we can talk about this. like grown-ups."

ellie was good at controlling you. she'll say she's coming to pick you up, and you'll be waiting on your porch when she arrives. she had a firm grip on you and she knew it.

not this time.

"like grown-ups?" you nervously laughed. "you cheated on me. again."

ellie didn't get angry. she wasn't even surprised.

"don't overreact, babe." she replied in an irritated tone. "it's not like it was anything serious. it's just some random girl. i'm still with you. you should know that."

you were stunned by her cavalier attitude. she really thought it's no big deal.

"leave me alone." if there was even a little bit of toughness in your voice before, it all left. now, you were just simply begging her to stop. "please."

ellie's confidence and her nonchalant attitude was getting to you. you felt angry, but at the same time, you were starting to doubt yourself.

you wanted to hang up, but you couldn't. you just waited for her reaction, praying this'll be the end. but you knew everything depended on what ellie wants, and for her, only her own good mattered.

ellie chuckled. "oh, sweetheart. you think you can just break up with me over the phone? we're not even having a fight here. come on, be reasonable. let's just talk this through. i'll be there soon."

you proudly raised your chin, even though she couldn't see that. the tears ruined your confident facade anyway. "i locked the door."

she stayed silent for a moment, not expecting that from you. but she always had a plan b, and you realised that as soon as you heard her laugh. "i'll check that myself."

you heard her car arrive outside your house, and an instant wave of regret washed over you.

she knocked on the front door. "i'm here, love. open up." her voice was gentle, with an apologetic tone.

you knew it was all a ploy to get you to open the door. you knew this was just another manipulative tactic she was using, but it was starting to work.

"come on, be a smart girl." she continued in a sweet voice. "or we'll do this the hard way."

you cursed yourself for how weak you felt, even though it wasn't your fault.

"ellie, please..." you begged, with as much authority as you could muster, but your pleads still sounded weak.

"what's that, babe? are you crying?" she responded in a mocking tone.

you felt powerless to resist her. your stomach twisted in knots, but your fingers reached for the knob. your other hand quickly wiped away your tears, though there were some visible smudges left. you stared at the doorknob in your hand, fighting every instinct in your body to open it and let her in. but you knew she'll get her way, sooner or later. you just wanted to get this over with.

with a shaking hand, you opened the door. you saw that ellie was holding a set of keys - there was definitely one to your house too. she could just unlock the door, but she wanted to check if you'll listen to her. you didn't even want to think about what would happen if you didn't give up.

she walked inside like she owned the place, and she didn't even look at you. she knew she's got you wrapped around her finger.

"good girl." she said, with the same mocking tone.

ellie's eyes darted around the room, and she walked over to take a closer look at a framed photo of the two of you on your shelf. she smirked, letting out a sarcastic 'hmph, so cute'.

you stood there, defeated, as she walked past you and paced around your home. she made herself comfortable, as if she belongs there. you tried to keep a brave face, but she could see right through it.

she sat down and turned to you. "tell me, why we ended up here?" she asked, her voice was cold and unforgiving, but it also sounded curious. "why are you trying to leave me? aren't you happy?"

you felt your lips tremble, as you parted them to speak. "you know damn well what you did."

she stood up and walked up to you, standing right in your face and leaning a little to match your eye level. "fucked another girl? huh? is that it?" she stroked your cheek with the back of her fingers, mocking your pout.

you flinched away from her touch, but she grabbed your face with both hands and pulled you towards her.

"i just had some fun." she said calmly. "besides, you can't blame me for wanting something different. just trying to make up for what you lack." she caressed your face, tracing your lips. it was almost gentle, as if she wasn't even trying to hurt you. but her words cut deep. "now, stop acting like a baby." she let go of your face. "i'm trying to have a mature conversation with you."

the obedient, scared side of you wiped your tears away and straightened up without thinking, but everytime you closed your eyes - everytime you blinked - another wave of salty liquid streamed down your cheeks.

you sniffled and tried to keep it together, but your body was shaking and feeling dizzy. still, you stood your ground.

"please, ellie... i can't do this anymore." you begged in a shaky voice.

"sh, shhh..." ellie wrapped her hands around you, rubbing your hair in a soothing motion. "don't say dumb things. i already know you can't live without me. you know that too." she grabbed you by the shoulders and forced you to look at her for a second. "don't you?"

her embrace felt somehow comforting, not matching the poisoning effect of her words. you clinged onto her, hoping to get as much from this rare moment as possible.

but you knew, deep down, that this is just another manipulation tactic. you shouldn't fall for her games.

"there, there." she whispered to you. she held you even tighter, as if she was trying to absorb every ounce of energy you had left.

she pulled back and looked you straight in the eyes. "do you see what happens when you try to leave me, babe?"

"i am leaving you." you said with as much conviction as you could muster. "i'm serious this time."

but ellie just smiled, treating your words like a joke. "that's funny, honey. this is just another one of your little tantrums. you're just upset because you haven't gotten enough attention these days. but you don't want to lose me." she ran her hands along your cheeks and caressed your hair. "you'll come back to me. you'll come crawling back, just like always. because you can't live without me."

you instantly buried your face in her chest, as she started stroking your back.

she sighed. "are you finished?"

you felt ashamed. you failed, once again. you let her win.

you lifted your head up so you could see her expression. her smile was even more mocking and cruel now that you've given in to her.

"that's more like it, babe." she said with that same condescending tone. she pulled you in for another hug, as if nothing happened. "now, let's forget all about today, okay?" she whispered in your ear. "my pretty girl."

[blitzyn]

special attention pt. 3

dottore x m!reader

Request : HI- I noticed you have your requests open so I'm super excited! I love your writing sm. If possible, can I request like a continuation of your Dottore and fatui! Reader? Maybe one where the reader (sub & bottom) is assigned under another harbinger so all of his attention has been on this other harbinger instead of on Dottore (dom & top)? If not then that's okay! - Anonymous

Synopsis: Dottore has enough of his subpar Agents and decides to take you back.

part 1 | part 2

a/n -> i did it omg. super sorry ive been gone again! life was a bit busy but now that summer is coming up i might be able to write these a bit faster. im not super proud of this one since im kinda rusty rn but i hope this is at least decent! also, sorry for the sudden change in appearance!

wc -> 3.4k

cw -> anal fingering, anal sex, spit as lube, desk/office sex, choking, slight overstim, pretty vanilla overall ig, he's kinda possessive so there's that, not beta read

"Stupid, incompetent—" The Harbinger before the cowering Fatui subordinate cut himself off with an agitated sigh. It was quiet for a few moments, save for the agent's nervous breaths. Dottore wasn't one to get irritated very often, let alone angry. Perhaps the results produced by his previous agent skyrocketed his standards – or maybe this one was just dumber than an idiot.

"Please, help me comprehend how you lost not one," The Agent looked just about ready to sink into the floor. "not two, but six bases?"

The subordinate struggled to answer, mouth gaping open and closed as their hands shook in ill-concealed fear. Maybe in different circumstances, he would've given an amused quirk of his lips, though this was the last thing he needed right now. Instead, his lips curled into a scowl.

"W-We were... Overwhelmed..." they stammered pathetically.

"Clearly," Dottore said, impatiently tapping his finger on his knuckle. "I'm certain you're capable of speaking properly."

"We were ambushed by a horde of Mitachurls..." There was a beat of silence.

"And?"

They did not answer. "Don't tell me you lost all six because of mere Mitachurls."

Dottore's frown deepened. "That seems a bit coincidental, don't you think? If you're going to lie, do it well." He sighed. "Dismissed. I'll see to it you're placed back under basic training."

His voice held a monotonous tone to it that made the Agent fidget in place.

"It was a mistake—"

"Dismissed. I've already given you a chance to explain yourself. I have no need for your negligent incompetency."

He watched as the Agent hurried out of his office, and he had half the mind to yank them back inside when they slammed the door shut. He ground his teeth, irritated with the turn of events. He was going to need a new subordinate. Again.

He sighed. Not one of them managed to regain lost fortresses within a week, and he's been losing more than he thought possible. He, number 2 of the Harbingers, lost more than number 11. He was angry, above all else, but there was also the undeniable burn of humiliation at that fact.

It nearly surprised him how weak the soldiers sent to him were. Or perhaps they were always this way, and having you raised his expectations tenfold. He knew your strength and self-control were, by far, your best virtues, and it so happened to be what others were lacking. You were sent away to another Harbinger to keep the other Agents in check, and while he may have been the slightest bit proud to have managed to acquire an Agent that proved to be what everyone else needed, he was growing tired of having to wait for your return.

He shoved the articles that struck irritation through his chest into a drawer and stood from his chair. Quickly striding out of his office, he set out to search for you.

It didn't take him long to find you, though it was purely an accident. You were swiftly walking down the echoing hallways with a few papers and a relic that he didn't care to identify before he called your name.

"Agent [L.Name]," he spoke, his voice even.

"Yes, Lord Harbinger?" You paused in front of him after offering a slight bow. You fidgeted. "I apologize for the urgency, but Lady Arlecchino requests that I hurry with submitting my report."

"I am rescinding my permission to allow you to work under someone else." Even with your mask on, he was easily able to discern your surprise. The slight curl of your fingers was a dead giveaway, though, to any other person, it might've come off as idle shifting.

You were at a loss for what to do. You couldn't go against your current superior, but you also couldn't defy the words of one of the highest-ranking Harbingers that was still technically your boss.

"Lady Arlecchino said that I must hurry in delivering this item, and I'd rather not break her trust..." you trailed off as you observed him under your mask, something he was no doubt doing to you under his.

You nervously ground your teeth at the frown that crossed his face but remained steadfast with your words.

"Your loyalty is a virtue, but I'm afraid you've placed it upon the wrong person." He positioned his hands behind his back. "I will handle her when the time comes. Now, you respond to me."

"Yes, sir," you said after a moment. While you felt a tinge of relief at finally being able to work under him again, you felt a bit uncomfortable with leaving an assignment just as you were about to finish. But you knew you were going to have to set aside what you felt at the moment - you had a feeling something was off.

You thought about asking him what was wrong but decided against it with hopes that he'll bring it up himself. He wasn't the type to search for someone unless he needed them.

Your shoes tapped against the cold marble floors as you walked silently, following behind at a respectful distance. It didn't take long for you to reach his office, neither of you wasting time to get in.

"During your absence, many others have arrived to take your place. None of them have managed to produce quality or successful reports." He handed you a few papers for you to skim through. Without missing a beat, you did what was wordlessly told and blinked slowly underneath your mask. How could someone possibly fuck up this bad?

You startled a bit when you felt a hand rest on your hip, but maintained your usual demeanor.

"Would you like me to train the new recruits? Starting from there prevents more of this from happening," you questioned, curiously peering at him over your shoulder. "Or do you suggest otherwise?"

Dottore hummed. "I suggest that you assist me in relieving some of the irritation the others have caused."

You swallowed as anticipation bubbled in your chest. "Of course, my Lord."

"Mask." Was all he said, voice demanding and stern.

You wordlessly nodded, raising your hand to remove your mask and hood. There was a prickling sensation on the side of your face where his gaze bore into you, studying every twitch of your muscles. You could feel your skin grow hot, and with the way the corners of his lips slightly raised, he could see it, too.

Your nerves were abuzz with excitement, pooling in your gut that spread outwards towards your fingertips. You resisted the urge to rub your thighs together for some semblance of relief, clenching your jaw tightly.

"Already? Were you anticipating this from the start?" he mused, dragging his fingertips across your crotch. "How needy."

He squeezed lightly before abandoning the area, placing a hand on your chest to slip it underneath your thick coat, silently urging you to take it off. You did without complaint, finding the fur inside overbearing. You tried to toss it on the floor as neatly as you could before his hands found themselves beneath your shirt, gliding his cold, gloved palms over your scalding skin.

As quickly as they came, they left, only to push you down onto his desk. Your breath was caught in your throat, curling your fingers into a fist as you reveled in how he dragged his hands down your body to curl his fingers underneath the waistband of your pants. He wasted no time in sliding your pants off, swiftly pressing a palm against your aching cock.

You sighed at the touch, shifting your hips forward in search of relief. He gently squeezed and stroked you through your boxers with a quiet, condescending laugh.

He pinned you to the desk by the top of your back and began grinding against your ass, leisurely thrusting while observing the way your hands twitched to stimulate yourself even further.

With an amused smile, he suddenly pulled away completely. You shivered at the absence of his body heat, peering over your shoulder to send him a questioning look.

"I must thank you for your assistance," he said, rounding the corner of his desk. "I feel quite relaxed, now."

"I-Wh..." you stammered, trying to peer through his mask despite the lack of eyes.

"What's the matter? I'm afraid you need to speak up if you want me to understand you." He crossed his arms in a faux contemplative manner. Your face burned, unable to properly look at him.

"Oh, don't get shy on me now," he spoke with a mocking tone in his voice, standing directly across from you as he grabbed you by your chin. It was a firm hold, and you were unlikely to be able to free yourself from him - not that you wanted to, anyway. "It's a simple request. Tell me what you want."

Your mouth opened and closed pitifully before you finally responded, "I want you to keep touching me."

"See? That wasn't so difficult, now was it?" His grin widened a fraction and he returned to his place behind you. He enjoyed the way you were so easily reduced into a sheepish mess by just a few of his touches that you were sure were laced with some type of drug.

He removed his gloves and snaked one of his hands up your throat to your mouth, wordlessly commanding you to suck on his fingers. You readily complied and swirled your tongue around his skin which tasted faintly of chemicals and salt. Your heart pounded in your chest when he pushed them deeper, chest rising and falling in shallow intervals. You wrapped your lips around them and sucked, treating them as if they were his cock (which you secretly craved, but you supposed it wasn't much of a secret anymore).

Dottore could feel heat rising in his abdomen the longer he held them in your mouth, pleased with your eagerness.

A string of saliva connected you to him when he pulled away, his free hand sliding your underwear down your legs. He prodded your hole for a few agonizing moments just to listen to your hitching breaths before he finally inserted them inside you. His thick fingers provided a slight burn, but it quickly morphed into arousal.

He moved at a leisurely pace, enjoying your increasing impatience as you tried dutifully to keep your desperation at bay. He made sure to avoid your prostate to leave you needy for more, pressing against areas close to where you wanted him. You let out frustrated sighs but refused to voice out your complaints, letting him follow his own pace.

It was amusing to see you try hard to maintain your slipping composure, but he knew that soon enough, it would collapse completely.

You tensed when he removed his fingers from you, anticipating the familiar feeling of his cockhead against your hole, but it never came.

"You know, I think I may have had a change of heart," he said with a thoughtful tone. "Perhaps you should report to Arlecchino after all."

"Wait-" you pleaded, voice high and frantic. "S-surely you're not serious?"

"Oh? What makes you think that?"

You swallowed hard. Dottore is unpredictable - that much you learned. For all you know, he could be entirely sincere and you'd look like a fool, but a part of you believes that he's only messing with you. Getting you flustered was often a part of his intentions when he was around you, so it wasn't impossible.

"Because you do not back away from your plans when they're already set, regardless of how you think it may turn out."

"And might you enlighten me in what you think said plans are?"

You swallowed nervously as quiet words spilled from your lips. "To fuck me..."

There was a moment of agonizing silence (for you, at least) before a smile overtook his features. "I'm flattered you know me so well."

You bit your lip in anticipation when you heard the rustle of fabric behind you. You could hardly repress a shudder when you listened to him spit on his cock before pressing himself against your hole, holding your waist tightly with one hand while the other guided him inside.

You groaned at the burning sensation from the lack of preparation he provided you. Your dick ached to be touched, but you resisted and relished in the pain of having to wait.

"Fuck," Dottore hissed, fighting valiantly to keep himself from shoving his cock inside you. "You're tighter than the last time I fucked you."

"Just for you," your words were breathy, your rigid Agent persona slipping away by the minute. It almost made him laugh at how easy it was to break you down like this.

"For me?" he cooed, cock throbbing. "You poor thing. You had to wait so long just to finally have me fuck you, didn't you?"

You nodded, heavy pants exiting your lips. You peered at him from over your shoulder, eyes wide and watery; there was no calm Fatuus to be seen, and he found that he adored this side of you. He could hardly suppress a smile, instead focusing on how you tightened so pleasurably around him.

"It's almost hard to believe you haven't been whoring yourself out this entire time," he muttered, partially to you. "But I know that only I am able to satisfy you like this. Or am I wrong?"

He didn't expect an answer from you - not when you could hardly keep yourself standing. He curled his fingers in your hair and yanked, forcing you to look at him. Your incoherence wasn't going to stop him from trying.

"Well?"

"N-No... only you." Your cock throbbed.

"Thought so."

He let you go in favor of holding your hips firmly, pulling out briefly to slam himself back in. The sting of him stretching you out paired deliciously with the pleasure of his cockhead against your prostate, gradually speeding up until you had to cover your mouth to prevent your moans from escaping the office.

"None of that," Dottore muttered, pulling your arm away from your face. "Let them hear. Let them know you're not for the taking any longer."

Skin slapping skin echoed in the dimly lit room, accompanied by your noises that left no room for imagination. He pulled you by the waist and wrist, tugging you onto his cock as he thrusted forward.

Your dick produced precum that dripped into the cold, marble floor, aching to be touched. The need for release burned hotter in your abdomen, and you couldn't stop yourself from subconsciously moving your hips to fuck yourself onto him.

He paused for a moment to allow you to take a brief moment of control. A condescending smile overtook his features before he regained his previous pace, driving himself forward hard enough to sting. The pain only served to enhance the ecstasy that was brought upon you, lust pooling in the pit of your stomach.

It took a great deal of restraint to prevent yourself from reaching down and jerking yourself off, your nails creating thin indents on the firm wood of the desk. He could feel you tighten around him considerably and he nearly groaned, but let out a heavy sigh through his nose instead.

Snaking one hand up your throat, he pulled you to his chest and squeezed. You instinctively wrapped your fingers around his wrist but made no attempt to pull him away. He used his other hand to tightly grasp the base of your cock, interrupting your incoming orgasm.

You let your eyes flutter shut as drool escaped the corners of your lips, too hazy-minded to remember to swallow. Raspy breaths left your throat as your ears gradually began to ring, chest tightening with a need for air, but the deprivation only sent an addicting heat through your body.

You nearly choked on your saliva when his grip went lax, not entirely moving away, but enough to let you breathe. It was hard to inhale properly when he fucked the breath out of you, but you knew that that was the best part.

"Oh, fuck, pl-please," you babble, voice raspy.

"Please what?" Dottore spoke beside your ear. "I'm not a mind reader."

He subtly angled himself and targeted your prostate to hinder your words, a faint smile lifting his face at every stutter and cry you produced. You weakly tugged on his wrist in a vain attempt to tell him what you wanted, but he remained steadfast on hearing it from your lips.

"You can use your words, can't you?" He moved his hand from your neck to begin stroking your cock, the tip flushing an angry red.

"G-God, please-" you stammered before crying out, "Please let me cum!"

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" He relished in your pained groan when he briefly tightened his grip before releasing you, quickly guiding you to your orgasm with every flick of his wrist.

Electricity shot down your spine and pooled in your stomach as soon as he let go, catching you off guard. Your fingernails dug into his glove as you nearly curled into yourself, legs trembling so intensely it was a miracle you managed to hold yourself up thus far.

Your chest quickly heaved up and down. "W-Wait-"

"Quiet," Dottore shushed you. "You wanted this. Don't go back on your word."

You focused on his voice, noticing how steady and calm he sounded compared to your desperate pleas for release. A feeling of chagrin filled your chest, making an effort to control your noises, but your struggle was futile.

Tears dotted your lashes when the coil within your abdomen tightened until it finally snapped, the heat of your orgasm washing over you in powerful surges. You arched your back as your jaw went slack in a silent scream. Your cum spurt out of your cock and landed on the marble floor in a small puddle.

"I should do that more, shouldn't I?" Dottore said with a sharp-toothed grin. He wrapped his free arm around your waist when your quivering legs were unable to support your weight any longer, leaning your top half back on the desk.

You'd nod along with him if you were capable of comprehending his words, but the rhythmic pulses of burning ecstasy prevented you from replying - not that he minded. His dick pressed against your prostate despite you having just orgasmed, his relentless pace not once slowing down. The only sign of exertion he offered you was his labored breaths and occasional grunt, but even those were quiet.

You could feel his cock throb in a way that let you know he was close. You managed to strengthen your legs and started fucking yourself onto him, prompting him to straighten himself and watch.

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" he teased, hands resting on your hips. He leaned his head back and let out a satisfied groan that sent electricity shooting down your spine.

His fingertips gradually began to dig into your skin until he held you hard enough to bruise. He allowed you this semblance of control for a few more moments before yanking your hips to him with a few final thrusts, stilling as you shuddered at the feel of his cum coating your insides.

Your legs nearly went limp again, but you managed to keep yourself standing - albeit with an embarrassing amount of effort. You could hear his deep breaths behind you as both of you steeped in the silent afterglow. You suppressed a flinch when he decided to pull out, sighing at the uncomfortable emptiness it left.

You swiftly dressed yourself when you heard quiet shuffling, pulling out a handkerchief to clean your cum off the floor.

"Now, then," Dottore said as soon as you stood upright. "You have much to do since your absence. It'd be best if you began right away."

You nodded, slipping your mask back on your face.

"I don't care how you do it, I only want the results. Understood?"

"Of course." Your voice was back to its neutral tone, making the corner of the Harbinger's lips twitch upwards. It amused him how you responded so professionally despite him having fucked you not moments before. With a final nod, you left his office.

He turned to his desk once more, remembering the papers that he unceremoniously shoved inside the drawers. He sighed. It was back to work.

[kurosstuff]

What aboutttt protective!bunny!lute x soft!bunny!female!reader ✨

Like ppl look down on the relationship cuz why would 2 "weak" bunny's be together. Lute's angry that she's prey because she has so many traits of a predator, like strength, protectiveness, and aggressiveness. So she is always trying to prove to the reader that she is enough to protect them, so reader doesn't leave her for a predator and so she always feels safe.

OMG Y3QH-

God lute would be pissed just throwing a tantrum. Her a bunny? He'll no-

Warning(s): fighting, Lute being lute, idk it's fluff, slight angst?

Bunny!lute x Bunny!F!reader: perfect mates

Sighing, you looked out the window, yet another courter outside your cabin confessing to you- like it is everyday. A predator courting a prey.

"My darling bunny~ I swear if you pick me I will protect you with my whole life~"

The wolf declared. On their knees, arms stretched out, fully expecting you to jump into them in awe touched.

"Not happening," staring deadpan uninterested as you gave the answer to the wolf as always. "I'm happily mated to Lute." Your ear twitched in hopes she's near- your beloved mate should be near soon. Should-

A laugh cut you off. The wolf covered their mouth once they heard who tou were mated to. Sighing you heard the same phrases you always heard 'another bunny? How could you be protected?' Whats so odd about having a mate of the same kind as you?

Never heard complaints with two predators but. Two preys? Mated? Oh that's wrong apparently.

"Now what the fuck. Are you doing?' A new voice called from behind you the familiar thumping from her foot. Signaling to you- Lute is pissed "flirt with my mate? Insult her? Insult me? Do you KNOW who the fuck I am?" Walking to the window her spear in hand

You sighed, knowing the exact outcome that's about to happen. Like all other times. With a blink, Lute jumped from the window, cursing up a storm challenging the wolf to a battle - who foolishly accepted. Turning, you went inside, not wanting to see yet another blood bath. Of your mate wining as always.

It didn't take long for Lute to come back inside. Her bloodied weapon thrown to the side as she rushed to you- "I'm fine, my mate," you whispered, watching her snarling ears twitching in irritating. If you didn't know she was a bunny- you'd assume she was a predator herself.

Like your first meeting. Her in her armor you assumed she was a wolf from how she behaved as ironic as you rethink now. "Your my mate. Who gives a damn what we are? She scuffed pacing around the room cleaning up the blood on her. Knowing how ir bugs you- after all you did just repaint the walls and redecorate after.. another fighting incident

"Your MY mate. I can keep you safe. Happy. No one else can! No one can keep up with my fucking speed!" She yelled out barking in rage

"Lute"

"LIKE. YEAH IM A PREY TO BUT-"

"Lute," you spoke, interrupting her rant, knowing if you didn't know she wouldn't have stopped. She'd continue the rest of the day. Getting more mad. More temper tantrums as all the other times before instead of getting angrier. She sighed sitting on the couch covering her face with her hands her ears drooping. "..my mate.. please.. what's going on?" You whispered softly following her close but keeping their distance

"I'm your mate.. bur. I'm a poor excuse of one. No one takes us seriously! If I wasn't a fucking bunny of all things. Maybe, " she sighed, trailing off for a moment to recollect her thoughts "maybe if I was another prey they would like.. I don't fucking know like a fucking deer. Those are acceptable." She snarled out sighing looking up at you sadly "I want to be the best mate for you. Who you'd want-"

"But you are," you cut off, cradling her face smiling "your everything I ever wanted in a mate.. and more. Your caring. Protective. Kind. Considerate all the things that make up a wonderful mate. That's you" you spoke softly

Holding her close as you could kissing her softly- you hummed smiling hearing the familiar thump. Not the same as the ones when she's mad. The thumps when she's happy - when she gets so unbelievably overwhelmed with herself, she thumps to show her gratitude. "I love you. I will only ever choose you. No other prey or predator will ever catch my eye. They can try, and they will. But you have my eyes. My heart. Everything.' You spoke softly, seeing her smile softly. "There's my girl ~"

With a deep, she sighed, grumbled, laying against your chest "..same here" she huffed out hiding in your neck her tail wagging happily smiling you held her- knowing that's the closest to her speaking of her feelings to much outwardly. Spoken allowed. Much less let you hear her.

The predators can try to court either of you. But you both knew they'd fail. Especially if they could see how you both stared at one another. How only you and her excited at a time the second you locked eyes. She hummed closing her eyes smiling. She truly loved you- and she's glad to hesr you state the same.

[drunkenkissesatdusk]

Can u maybe do like a Damian wayne x reader where they're friends and all but sometimes they (reader) tends to zone out a lot and think abt a lot of deep ish things that cause her to make weird faces without even realizing? Like she's much more quieter than usual and when he turns to look at her, he sees that she's visibly very upset but for seemingly no reason.

Oh, and if u want angst, maybe the specific thing she's thinking abt has something to do with him so she's really annoyed and snappy when he asks her what's wrong? Like she's be thinking abt how rude guys in their school are and then it kinda reminds her of Damian. Idk🙈🙉

(*ˊᗜˋ*)ᵗᑋᵃᐢᵏ ᵞᵒᵘ

am i good at angst? no… will i try? absolutely.

NOT YOUR FAULT.

pairings — damian wayne - al ghul x reader (platonic)

warnings — i tried to write angst but gave up, that’s all (and the ending sucks that’s not my fault (it is))

summary — pretty much what the request is gangsters

notes — i don’t know how to write angst 😞

━━━━━━━ YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN THE SIGNS before it was too late. you were sleeping more, food was suddenly too plain, you were easy to irritate, and you felt like you couldn’t do anything.

but, of course, you hadn’t understood when they began, you just blamed it on stress, since you had tons of tests coming up that you were relentlessly studying.

at some point, your grades had started slipping, and your teachers didn’t miss that. you were forgetting to turn in assignments, and whenever you suddenly couldn’t sleep the night before, you started falling asleep in class.

multiple teachers had brought it up after class with you, and you were able to come up with excuse after excuse.

eventually, Damian noticed. Damian, one of the only kids who didn’t ignore you this year, your first year of high school. but, obviously, that wasn’t always the case. Damian had originally been mean, tormenting you alongside all his other friends.

Damian only noticed because of your lack of emotions throughout the time you’d spend with him. on top of that, said time was clearly dwindling.

“hey, hey.” Damian called after you, catching up soon after and walking with you outside, far enough away from other kids so that the two of you could talk without anyone being nosy.

“what’s going on? you’ve been acting weird the past few days.” Damian’s face was clearly concerned, which irritated you further.

sure, you’d been quieter recently, and you almost always had a sour look on your face, but why would he bring it up?

“nothing, im fine.” you defensively crossed your arms over your chest — also doing so for a little bit of extra comfort as Damian seemed to be interrogating you.

“bullshit. talk to me, i’m your friend.” Damian stared at you, face full of worry.

“nothing.” you reiterated, “i said i’m fine, Damian. i’m fine.” you put emphasis on your words.

“you’re not a good liar.” he stated.

“like you even care.” you scoffed, turning on your heel and walking away. you found semblance in the school library, in the back of the room where you doubted anyone would go looking for you in.

with the silence of the room suddenly hitting you, your guard was up and your eyes were relentlessly looking around.

you probably looked angry. if anyone were to look at you, they’d probably think you were pissed off. were you? yeah, probably. why were you mad? you had no clue.

inhaling carefully, you felt your body begin to unwind, your heart rate slowly slowed.

guilt and regret flooded your system. you could then remember the way you’d treated Damian.

he was truthfully your only friend, he hadn’t deserved that.

i’m sorry, you sent the message. i didn’t mean to be so rude, you sent afterwards. he read the messages almost instantly.

it’s fine, not ur fault, he sent back.

sleepover at mine? you asked him, gathering yourself again before making your way to your next class. he agreed, and the day went on swimmingly.

the sleepover was practically the same, nothing bad happened, and it was easier to talk about it with him.

masterlist — reminder that asks / requests are open!!

[autism-connoisseur]

what's your take on karkat now that you know his big secret?

genuinely amazing how his whole personality is a defense mechanism.... this guy cares he cares so much but his whole life hes had to push people away lest they Find Out.... living in constant alert ever since he had consciousness of how Different he was and how dangerous that was for him, knowing that everyone around him would cull him on the spot if they found out about It.... if im not mistaken trolls' tears are the color of their blood so he also had to repress himself to Not Cry. and for a person as emotional as karkat thats such a challenge!! not even out of sadness, or grief, but people also cry out of happiness, nostalgia, frustration, anger... those two especially i can see happening to karkat. and hed hate it.

he can be so Mean sometimes, perpetually angry... sure, it might be part of his personality, he is definitely easily irritated and prone to heat-of-the-moment decisions (like when he ran sollux's code and promptly exploded his computer and cast a curse on himself & his friends) but like i said, he's lived his entire life having to be Alert, not being able to let his guard down, because he would die if he did!! and at the same time he needs to prove himself, prove that despite being Wrong and Different he can do things!! he can be useful!!! maybe if he makes himself useful enough someone will even see him as a person and not just a mutant... thats why he is so dead set on being the leader. much like dave he has lived his whole life Needing To Be In Control Of Things (rose too, but shes more like she needs to Understand People, if she can read people correctly then she can avoid them flipping on her (no she cant that is not how it works babe)), but whereas dave is content with letting june be the leader (even if he wants to surpass her, hes very much doing his own thing anyways) karkat NEEDS to be the leader because that way he will prove that hes capable (to his friends in particular but to society as a whole, they are basically a mini representation of society anyways with each of them representing each caste).

but also he blames himself, he blames himself so much whenever anything goes slightly wrong and that feeling just gets amplified since he ran sollux's virus. it's a vicious circle for him since he needs to be in control and call the shots to feel like hes useful (defense mechanism, you wouldn't get rid of an useful pest even if he was a pest now would you?), but whenever something goes wrong under his command he freaks out (maybe relating it to his blood color? like he is Bad so this happened. also we know he takes sollux's virus's curse very seriously), he takes it as proof that He Personally Is Wrong and obviously everyone knows this, but since he doesnt want to be seen as that and he wants society to accept him without ever realizing there was a reason they shouldnt (see: also why he wanted to join the military or some part of it at the very least) he doubles on his efforts on Controlling everything.

and when he realizes they created our universe, it finally gives him a chance to be above someone. to be the powerful and not the powerless, the respected and not the shunned. its why he treats the beta kids as stupid, inferior beings, and why he constantly points out that he is their god even though he isnt (well he technically is but you get it). it mimicks the way some highbloods treat lowbloods, but where the highbloods are like that because society told them it's their natural right that they were born with, karkat does it to forget what that same society told him: that he was somehow intrinsically worse than anyone else. so bad, in fact, that he'd be better of dead. actually, he'd be so better off dead that they want him dead, that they will kill him as soon as they find him. so of course he takes the chance to not feel like that! of course he wants to feel superior! he needs to be the one above for once, he needs that control over someone instead of feeling like he needs to watch out for everything and anything. he sees a chance to not be the lowest link in the chain, and he takes it. sure, he may be a mutant, but theyre human... and not just any humans. the very same humans that doomed their session, the session karkat threw himself into because not only did it grant him escape from a planet that hated his existence (as much as he also idealized, trying to fit in, trying to not be seen as Abnormal even though all the beta trolls are Abnormal & don't fit in), it also gave him the chance to, like i said, prove himself.

he trusts his friends, he does, and he said he'd tell them his blood color eventually. but he needed to be ready and that's why both jack noir & terezi, or at least their reactions, are so important to him. neither of them shuns him, they don't attack him, they don't make fun of him of call him aberrant or do anything that most trolls would. fair, jack noir isn't a troll, and he doesn't even understand why karkat is freaking out. but when he shows him his own blood, the same color, karkat is suddenly not alone. even if red blood doesn't mean anything special to jack, to karkat it means the world to see that he is not some abomination, that the universe didn't signal him out to be different than the rest forever and always. and terezi, terezi is what really does it for him. shes somewhat high in the hemospectrum, she is someone that karkat likes (and apparently kissed! good for him because God knows the kid didn't let anyone in out of fear of being found out), she is a troll. and she doesn't mind. she even calls him adorable in the same log! the beta trolls are outcasts of the alternian society; and they are karkat's friends. that's why he was willing to tell them eventually: it was his secret to keep and his secret to share. and even if terezi found out when he wasn't ready yet, her reaction was absolutely positive. again, these kids are the furthest away from troll society as they can be, almost its opposite, which is why karkat thought about telling them, is willing to tell them. he knows hes safe with them.

ive seen people point out how his handle (carcinoGeneticist) references his sign (carcinogenesis is the process by which an organism gains cancer) and both these things represent how hes considered an anomaly & something to be rid of, something sick; i also think it's. ironic that he's the knight of blood, but i don't know enough about classpects yet to analyze that. it must have felt like a cruel joke to him, though, being told that his literal title was someone who fights for the same thing he's ostracized for. it would certainly piss me off that's for sure.

[ghostismybbygorl]

141 when they're angry and how they cry

Im feeling a little bit angsty tonight 😈

Warnings: self inflicted pain, ptsd, truama responce, crying, anger

Price

It takes alot to get him pissed the fuck off but when he does he blows the fuck up like full blown disappointed dad he will make you cry. This usually only happens if he had a rookie or someone close to him nearly gets killed or a mission goes SOUTH

Again it takes alot to get him pissed if he realizes he getting to that level of anger he'll excuse himself take some breaths smoke like 3 cigars to get his composure together and then he'll address the problem

He's usually just passive aggressive and says some really petty shit

Now he's a silent crier with the occasional sniffer. He's stroke his beard and rub his face with a groan. He hide his face and just silently sit there until he gets his composure. He aslo does breathing exercises to calm him down

Soap

When he's pissed of he'll get really quiet and shit himself off. He does the "im fine" and if you keep prodding at him he'll blow up in a yelling fit.

Hes a angry crier like full blow screaming crying punching things. Hes a whole hurricane when he's MAD

Now he will never lay a finger on anyone he loves if your in the middle of an argument and he starts forming tears he'll storm off and find something to punch. He keeps a punching bag around so that he doesn't have to hurt himself on anything. he wont punch the walls because he'd be the one fixing it.

He one time got so pissed he dissapeard and ghost found him curled up by a tree that had obviously taken a beating. his knuckles will be bleeding and bruised. He'll be a sobbing mess hyperventilating, hiccuping, coughing ghost would have to calm him down and try to get him leveled

Hes the screamer type crier he'll be holding something just wailing. If you ask him whats wrong he will just pull you in a hug and just let it loose.

Ghost

(Alright so in the comics he was in a abusive household where his dad would beat his mom and he would terrorize him with new foreign animals and he witnessed his dad murder a woman at a concert and he just told him to laugh it off. He was captured and tortured to near death being buried with his comrad so he has MAJOR PTSD from it so this kind of falls into the senario)

He tries HARD to not loose his composure in fear that he will be like his dad and loose his shit

Hes goes quiet and shuts himself off. Like price he'll excuse himself and get his composure together. He raises his voice and will warn you that you're pissing him off and to stop immediately. If you don't stop he'll tell you "that's enough!" And storm off

His whole aura will change and you can feel the anger radiate off of him. He's the type to go "its fine don't worry about it" if you ask before storming off to somewhere quiet

so theres this trauma response where if someone you know where to get hurt or something just makes you snap you start laughing i feel like ghost has that especially in the comics he has a ptsd attack and just starts laughing

When he has an attack he'l start with a chuckle and then it just mores into a sick laugh and itll just turn into him full blown sobbing and laughing at the same time

He's also a silent crier so if he's severly overstimulated he'l lie down and his eyes will start becoming waterfalls. No sniffles he just stares while his eyes soak the floor

Gaz

He RANTS when he's pissed the fuck off. He will call you out in your bullshit and roast the fuck outta you. he does the hand clap, waves his hands in the air everything. He's a bery level headed person but if you say something that pushes that button right be ready for a blow up

He doesnt get violent whats so ever unless the person provokes it. His dad (price lol) taught him to not start a fight but finish it and he damn well finish one.

He super sarcastic when he's irritated and is passive aggressive

"And thats why your mamas dead.... dead as hell"

When he cries he has tears streaming down his face and he does the quiet sobs that will turn into hiccups and him rubbing his eyes constantly

He doesnt cry that much (except for weddings hes a sucker for them) and he usually doesnt show anyone that he's crying (except for the weddings 😂)

[w1thered-roses]

OK SO BRAINROT CONSUMED ME AND I WANNA TRY MAKING SOME PURELILY ANGST AU

Get ready for a long ass wall of text of my random rambles + sprite edit

Fallen king au(?): after the events of beast yeast eps 1-2, shadow milk wasn’t fully sealed away, instead part of him managed to reside in pure vanilla’s mind (don’t ask how this part even works just bare with me vro). Over the span of a few months shadow milk would mentally torture pure vanilla in an attempt to get him vulnerable enough to be able to control him, starting off as just simply annoying him but overtime becoming more and more horrible and traumatic. In the beginning vanilla would continuously resist against him, trying to stay strong and refuse to let shadow milk control him. This would happen around the same time lily was very mentally fragile after the events of beast yeast, elder faerie’s death AND her guilt of being DE, so at first she didnt really notice vanilla’s declining mental state, as he would mask it pretty well and was busy trying to help her. As lily got better vanilla simply just got worse and worse, the lack of sleep, how little hes been eating out of stress, and the horrible anxiety he had caused by shadow milk was taking a toll on him, as hed start to isolate himself and become more irritable and angry. Lily had started to suspect something was wrong with vanilla, as he isn’t like this at all, but when she’d question him and ask if he’s alright he’d either just lie and say everything was fine, push her and others away or just lash out a bit. Eventually shadow milk gave vanilla a choice, either 1: keep resisting and shadow milk would keep up the mental torture, or 2: give up and let shadow milk fully take over, that he would stop the torture and vanilla could finally be “free”. Vanilla just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to just stop resisting, letting the jester take over his mind and body, resulting in vanilla getting locked away within his own mind. Shadow milk having finally taken over takes a few days to regain the body’s physical strength and then causes havoc in the vanilla kingdom, later he goes to beast-yeast to cut down the silver tree. Lily chases after him, confronting him at the tree and they fight it out, she tries her hardest to talk her way through to him, trying to reach vanilla but to no avail, vanilla isn’t there anymore. She later has no choice but to seal him away, seal away her best friend, her best friend that was there for her, her best friend who she knew from their school days, and most painfully the one she fell in love with. She succeeds in sealing him away inside the tree, and as shes doing so she doesn’t see him as the evil beast he has become, instead she sees the little vanilla from their school days, she sees her very best friend, crying as he’s sealed away. Lily later on builds a shrine in beast-yeast in honor of him, to remember him, as she misses him dearly and regrets not doing anything while she could.

Mind you this was inspired from LULLABY FOR A PRINCESS out of all things (yes that one mlp fan song, shut up its good)

Plus here is a corrupted pv sprite edit, unsure what to name him, i was considering vanilla extract cookie but dunno, if yall got any name ideas pls tell me 😭😭😭

This au is still being developed so its bound to change but this is what i have so far!!! I rlly wanna keep working on this i just need to think. I wanna try writing a fic for funsies, im not rlly a writer tho so who knows!

Probably later ill post more things regarding this au since i have more stuff i wanna share! Bye bye for now :D

[wundersmith-squall]

ramble about your Ezra Squall redemption arc please?

Absolutely- id be very happy to! I'm quite aware that im about to sound like this:

but you asked so this is what you signed up for /j

Soooooooo it basically wormed its way into my head because of the one time where Squall said something like 'We're wundersmiths we take all of the blame and none of the credit' and I was like, okay sir are you speaking from experience? What was the 'credit' of your actions? And also the mention of the shared enemy, which I at the time took as meaning partially something in the republic that threatens Nevermoor, and partially something to do with the system, the Wunderous Society and like, all the people in charge who are against wundersmiths and are trying to hold Mog back.

Along with these two things, I'd like to think that 100+ years of banishment are long enough to rethink your actions and become a better person.

So, I'll explain it in a way that wont take an entire essay to write out. Basically it goes in my head that, Courage Square was, at least partially an accident, and over 100 years the story got skewed, and the current population turned against Ezra and the Wundersmiths, while the population at the time knew how, Wundersmiths ultimately were trying to help Nevermoor. Courage Square was bad, which is why Ezra was banished, but he wasnt killed. After a tragedy, it would be expected that he'd be punished, but at the time, the Republic as we know it didnt exist, and so being banished out there was a very bad fate, but it was definitely better than death.

Ezra went through a, lot of bad mental states during the first few decades of his banishment, but as he grew older, he came to terms with both his past actions and his current situation, though he still feels guilty about it.

In my head, the Wundersmiths were originally established to protect Nevermoor from the weird creatures of the darkness that the Wunderous Society takes care of now. Those creatures are attracted to Wunder. When Ezra was banished from Nevermoor, there were no longer any Wundersmiths in there, and so WunSoc had to step up and find a way to cover for him. Meanwhile, Ezra, who still loves Nevermoor, establishes Squall Industries, partially to improve conditions in the Republic and partially to provide a bigger, brighter beacon of wunder to attract the majority of the dangerous creatures to a place where he could still handle them. In this same thought, the Hunt of Smoke and Shadow werent something he created, but a group of these dangerous creatures that he managed to tame.

On the same subject are the other cursed children, those who, gather wunder but are unfortunately dont have the gift to control it. The creatures of the darkness, who chase wunder, hunt down these children to take the wunderous energy from them, which they dont survive. Ezra does his best in this situation, but one man can only do so much, and the creatures are relentless.

When he first discovers Morrigan, he's not exactly sure what to do. He tries to just get her as an apprentice through the usual means in the republic, but after a certain mad ginger got in the way he sent the Hunt after her, himself being busy trying to help the other cursed children, but we all know that that attempt didnt work. Ezra, knowing about the wunder critical-mass gather-too-much-without-using-it-makes-bad-things-happen thing, so he used the gossamer to get back into Nevermoor.

Having to enter and view Nevermoor again, even though not physically, took a bit of a toll on him, plus having to interact with someone new while being himself, which is not something he's had to do in a long time. He's also never, had to teach anyone before.

From there, I imagine he goes from frustrated and angry, to irritated but starting to get attached to Mog, to actually being a genuinely good teacher (aka the floof you saw in my drawing, who doesnt sleep nearly enough but still tries his best to be a good person), who is Tired™ and also just as chaotic as Jupiter when he wants to be.

Thank you for listening to my ramble- I can happily expand on anything if anyone happens to like this train of thought. I have further specifics on, basically everything, but this is a solid overview.

[elsfairy]

SECURITY ⋯ ♡ᵎ (I did say I was going to write about sevika&anxiety so. I'm also adding things i do when im anxious, we're all different so these might be different from someone else.)

☆ Sevika deals with enough stress, every single day she breathes. So to her, it was just another part of her job. Or she thought.

☆ It wasn't exactly hard for you to understand that she wasn't exactly feeling 100% herself. Her answers were short, or more irritable replies.

☆ "Can you just, let it go? I'm perfectly fine"

☆ Easier said than done, she looked anything but fine whenever she would get home. The small voice in your head always told you to leave it. You couldn't, you worried, and you cared.

☆ She's a pro at covering up any emotion she has. The only thing she will show is her anger and hatred though, she was silent even when she was mad about something. That is what worried you. A silent Sevika isn't a good sign.

☆ It was the first time you noticed her behavior was a little different on an early morning. Making coffee was never something Sevika had trouble with, but it was out of the blue when you stumbled into the kitchen, seeing her standing by the window, her hands trembling.

☆ Her breathing got a lot heavier during these times.

☆ "Vika, are you alright?"

☆ In all your months of dating, she's been easy with her emotions, but sometimes she can't help but push you away when it came to them or anything that involved her wellbeing. She loved you so much, but she was scared. So, pushing you away seemed the best option. Because she's 'supposed' to be strong.

☆ "Yeah, I'll be home late tonight. Don't worry about little old me"

☆ That's always the wrong thing to say to you because it makes you worry about her even more. It was unusual but some mornings she's a lot more snarky and rude towards you. Not that she meant to be.

☆ Frankly, she didn't even fucking know what was going on with herself either.

☆ She always got home at weird and random times of the night, but it was one particular night when she somehow managed to wake you up by stumbling through the door, the slamming making you worried, again.

☆ It was the first time in your life that you found Sevika standing in the middle of the living room, breathing heavier again, trembling. Note that she didn't tremble, ever.

☆ "Sev, what's going on? are you alright? did something happen?"

☆ "No, just⎯ go back to sleep, okay?"

☆ You, being you were used to ignoring her snarky attitude and barely gave her a chance to ignore you.

☆ You're also known to be very touchy towards Sevika, and she didn't mind that. Of course though, when she flinched away from you, you panicked.

☆ "Hey, it's just me, I'm not going to hurt you. What's wrong?"

☆ Sevika didn't cry. She never cried, over anything.

☆ But she cried.

☆ She always felt safe whenever you were around, but sometimes she just felt so fucking scared, worried.

☆ "Vika, hey, look at me"

☆ This was different from anything else. It was hard to control and calm down an angry Sevika, but trying to comfort a crying one? she's never cried so you had no idea what to do, but you had an inkling.

☆ You were a lot shorter than she was, but it didn't stop that you needed to be there for her. You needed to calm her down and help her.

☆ "Just breathe. Everything is okay. You're having a panic attack Vika, just focus on me and your breathing"

☆ Even if you've said them, the words still made no sense to her, she's never had one before. Fuck, she's never felt anxious before until the past few weeks.

☆ Out of the two of you, Sevika wasn't as touchy like you were. She loved holding your hand and hugging you but the comfort you give her broke all the walls she had up, down.

☆ "Nothing is wrong with you, it's alright you just need to focus on your breathing"

☆ "Im scared"

☆ Her trembled voice broke your heart.

☆ If she's angry, she just loves to hold you to calm down. She's never hurt you and she wouldn't. But she held tightly onto you, afraid to let go of you. Still trembling in your arms. crying.

☆ "I know, but it's okay. I'm right here, right here to help you"

☆ She worked a lot, so you can only gather it's because of that. Nothing usually makes her this worried, or anxious.

☆ "There you go, just keep focusing on breathing. We can stay here as long as you'd like"

☆ Won't openly admit it, but she didn't mind when you would lay on the blankets and pillows on the floor, making a bed fort just for her to feel safe. Because she loved it. She loved that you would do anything for her. To keep her safe.

☆ You figured out that she really enjoyed it when you would run your fingers through her hair when she felt like this. Resting her head in your lap, fumbling with your fingers on your free hand, keeping her breathing steady.

☆ She panics when her hands start to tremble in yours again, but you're there, reassuring her that's she safe, and that you're here for her.

☆ When she starts to feel like she's having another one, you place her hand on your chest, just so she can feel your heart beating. It calms her down and she focuses. Like you practiced together.

☆ "I feel like I'm a child"

☆ "You're not a child, you're just dealing with something new. It's okay though, you're perfect the way you are"

☆ From the start, you've had a habit of humming random songs wherever you are and she really fucking loves when you do it because it makes her aware she's here, and okay.

☆ "Can you sing that song? from a few weeks ago?"

☆ "Of course, Sweetheart"

☆ As cheesy as it sounds, you are her security blanket.

Sorry, this is so fuckin long. This is more like a fic and a head cannon, idk what happened but :) my computer had a major seizure, so i had to write half this again, im lowkey pissed.

[bogkeep]

look i just need to write a big venty post about petty problems it's fine

i COULD write this in a private journal but in the interest of saving my wrists im just gonna yell at my public blog aggretsuko style!!!!! like i'm. a little worried that i'm extra angry and irritated at everything since i started on T, but i also feel like i'm just currently wading through a curse of a thousand cuts and i'm just reaching maximum capacity okay. like these are all small petty things, nothing is going to ruin my life, people experience far worse things all the time everywhere i'm just so SICK of trying to do so much and ending up wasting my time and money and energy all the time constantly!!!!!!!!!!!

i already complained about how much stress having legally moved to sweden has caused me and how i can't get my travels to the evil gender clinic reimbursed and a bunch of other annoying problems, and how i had to do so many stupid annoying phone calls - phone calls are FINE but they're only available within very specific working hours and it's so fucking annoying if you're at school or work and like!!!!!!!! i need to take time off to make a private phone call!!!!!!!!! and then all the times i had to follow up on goddamn fucking gender clinic just to get ANY help with the thing they PROMISED ME, and just today i sent them ANOTHER message just to make sure that thing is GOING ANYWHERE AT ALL............. and then calling my phone provider AGAIN and being told to send them ANOTHER EMAIL!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST I SENT THEM AN EMAIL (because that's what they told me to do when i called them the first time). I GOT TOLD TO CALL THEM!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WON'T YOU LET ME OUT OF THE TORMENT NEXUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm almost out of mobile data and i can't top up on it because ONLY THE OWNER OF THE SUBSCRIPTION CAN DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE OWNER IS???? MY DEADNAME!!!!!!!! IT'S ME EXCEPT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!! FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

and do you know why i'm almost out of data!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because the room i'm staying in has such garbage wifi connectivity i need to turn off the wifi to do anything on my phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's like the shitty tall bed is a no-wifi zone!!!!!!!!! i can't believe this is happening. i haven't run out of mobile data in YEARS like what the FUCK is going on. what kind of data drain goblin is drinking all the internets in my phone!!!! and YES i checked the data spending stats and it makes no sense WHY IS THIS HAPPENING. im hoping that if my email to the phone provider is sad wet and pathetic enough they'll gift me some free data for being sent back and forth like a goddamn ping pong ball.

do you know who i want to give a call though. the norwegian post. if their phone queue wasn't like 23583249843298 people i would like to ask them very kindly WHY THE FUCK DID THEY BILL ME 80 FUCKING KRONER FOR SENDING A POST CARD. IT WAS 3 PITIFUL GRAMS OVER THE STAMP LIMIT. LIKE I KNOW I'M TECHNICALLY IN THE WRONG BUT IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE I FORGOT THAT NORWAY HAS A LOWER LIMIT THAN SWEDEN AND I JUST. AUGUHGHHG I WANTED TO SEND MY FRIENDS A **POST CARD** AND A CUTE STICKER!!!!!!!! but i decided on not calling them because i don't want to spend 1.5 hours waiting to speak to someone just to complain about a fine that was earned even if unfair. but then. AND THEN. the holy grail of spiteful petty frustrations.

i decided to purchase an Item. but in the attempt of not getting a thing tied to Bad Monopoly Corporation i purchased a different thing from Another Bad Monopoly Corporation. WHICH WAS MY FIRST MISTAKE. NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!! then the Item is sent to the post office super far away and it's such a hassle getting there and it kinda sucked but okay. normal day for me i guess! but then it turns out the Item doesn't even WORK because it's FUCKING REGION LOCKED. AND IT WASN'T GONNA DO THE THING I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DO ANYWAY. BECAUSE BAD MONOPOLY CORPORATION HAS A MONOPOLY ON THE FUNCTION I DESIRED!! HAHA!! OKAY COOL fine i get to return the item and get my money back right??? right. right!!!! so when i finally have access to a printer i print out all the custom slips and return slips and just all the things!!!! okay!!!!!! and i send it off!!!!!! okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEN IT GETS RETURNED TO ME!!!! BUT TO SWEDEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE I WAS STUPID AND WROTE MY SWEDISH ADDRESS AS THE RETURN ADDRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEY RETURNED IT BECAUSE THE CUSTOMS SLIP WAS WRONG?????? was it because i put it on the back of the envelope??? the post office people said it was fine :(((((( post office people stop getting me in trouble 2k24!!!!!!!!!!! i intended to call the post customer service about it because im so tired of everything being a money drain and i want to know why they did this and im just so frustrated with everything going fucking wrong but. what do i even say. i don't think i have it in me to wait in an hour long queue when i can only call during the hours i'm at my watchmaker placement :(((((( the strength has left my body and i'd like to cry instead thanks

anyway i contact customer service for Bad Monopoly Corporation like hey i sent it off but it got returned and im out of town can you pretty pretty please extend the return deadline. but because Bad Monopoly Corporation probably only gives their customer service workers negative two seconds to read emails they didn't even respond to my email they were like "follow these steps to return your item :)" three times before they actually replied to me and told me they can't extend the deadline. fucking fine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i get my landlord to do it!!!!!!!!!!! VERY COOL NOT HUMILIATING AT ALL. HOPEFULLY IT GOES THROUGH THIS TIME OR IM GOING TO EXPLODE INTO A MILLION BILLION PIECES FOREVER

also i purchased a can of sparkling water at a bar the other day and it cost 60 kroner :((((((((((((( that's like 6 americadollars. i think that's evil actually

[the-s1lly-corner]

What do you think would happen if jack got to interact with his old non demon self? Maybe via memory shenanigans or something IDK

I feel like if he saw himself before the events that led him to be a demon he'd basically be like

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRcmmsLx/

Eyeless Jack interacting with his past self

ooooo okay so i saw this last night when you sent this in but it was late and i didnt want to write something while i was tired so !! here we are!! not going to dive into any scenarios on how he meets up with his non-fucked self so! this might be a little shorter + might add some more eye jack (get it?) hcs... idk we'll see ehehe

okokok so jack hcs before he got wrapped up in the cult... i think i mentioned this somewhere but jack was studying to go into the medical field, so hes fairly knowledgeable on things regarding the topic... also its a little funny but messed up that he has to utilize his passion to gather kidneys and other human bits (which he genuinely detests in my take, hes still human in there and has his humanity and stuff)

even before everything jack wasnt much of a social person, preferred to keep to himself in his dorm, rarely spoke to his dorm-mate though was friendly with him

likely gets roped into the cult thing after befriending one of the members, be it they were a student or lived in town is up in the air for now but one things leads to another and...

had heterochromia, one dark brown eye one lighter brown eye! had very bad eyesight, though.. needed glasses to read stuff. i like to think he kept one of those little cloths in his pocket... i think he keeps those on him out of habit even after losing his eyes

that also brings up a question; despite being eyeless many people write that jack can still see (at least with what i interacted), personally i write that hes partially possessed and thats the reasoning he can still see (among the other bodily changes happening to him) ...though im unsure if he still retains his bad eyesight shrugs whatre you guys' thoughts

okokok onto actually meeting his past self.. a lot of feelings

i think above all the other feelings he would feel mad. real mad, i mean he was tricked into something. he finally decided to try to be more open and friendly to others only to get punched in the face and twisted into this thing

lots of feelings and thoughts

its like how when you see something so upsetting you want to destroy it, or harm it in some way. i think it would be the same with jack here, just to... himself..

i think every now and then, on the rare occasion he sleeps... he has dreams where hes back where he was before everything. always wakes up irritated on those nights

but if he had to actually interact with his past self... like actually be able to talk to him and stuff... i do think that even through his rage he would be able to collect himself enough to warn his past self

though that imposes time line stuff and things gumming up and im not about to touch that... though this entire prompt implies something going on but... at least thats assuming this isnt an illusion and it really is him but

shrugs

tldr; very very angry and tries to change the past even if he knows nothing can be done

[dullard]

Im sorry.

1, 2, 8, 9, 10, 12, 15, 18, 21, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 36, 38, 39, 42, 43, 44, 49

This is for jurgencrepins I Checked

1. What motivates your character?

Joris: Idealism (often applied rigidly to himself as Not Doing Enough in his own mind, preemptively) and trying to Do Good. Whatever that happens to mean in the moment.

Kerubim: For a long time, it was proving himself through impressing others, but at this point its just that he wants to be comfortable and around his family. Which makes him seem kind of lazy now, lol.

Atcham: Used to be survival and revenge/obsession (sort of). Now it's the want to protect the people important to him.

2. How does the public view them? (Doesn't have to be anything major, it could be classmates, friends, strangers in the park, etc.)

Pre-waven:

Joris: Everyone assumes he is a small child. Every time. He's actually even pretty small to be a child. When he's in a political situation, he's slightly mysterious, and not to be underestimated (mostly because other political actors know hes old as balls)

Kerubim: Friendly and capable shopkeep. Knows something about everything. Most people in his community know him and its partially because of the extremely invasive ads he puts everywhere. Old cat man - If someone were actually interested in beating the crap out of an old man, he'd seem to be a fine target. People who know who he is are a lot more cautious though.

Atcham: I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE I HATE THE WORLD OF TWELVE he looks different so people treat him with at the very least an arm's distance. No matter what he does people will think hes strange. That said, hes not helping his own case. I think some ecaflips assume he's sick though, if they haven't heard of or met a hairless ecaflip before, since losing your fur is something that happens if you're really ill or unwell.

Waven:

Joris: Similar to his political persona but now much more outward to the average citizen. He's also seen as extremely capable of decision making, at least within Bonta, thanks partially to propaganda. He is the firm hand of the law, fair and just, and a bit private.

Kerubim: He is the caring and wise elements of the current Bontarian government. Tends to be associated with public services like hospitals (imo in waven times bonta's Military Hospital is the closest we get, and eniripsas handle other things the way they used to, but the government funds some amount of clinic-esque action), schools, shelters, and the like. Reads books at the Bontarian orphanage. That kind of thing.

Atcham: That guy that hangs out with the other two guys. Nah I'm jk I think he's kind of. I can't describe this. He ensures success and prosperity of people who are working. If you run a business like a fruit stand or a clothes shop in waven-era bonta, you likely like him and hes the one that smooths out supply chains.

8. What are some internal obstacles that your character has to overcome?

Joris: Extremely critical of himself, self loathing for intangible thought crimes, self loathing for tangible realcrimes, self loathing for things out of his control at times, holding himself to absurd standards (often unreasonable), i could go on. I genuinely think he may be his own biggest obstacle to long-term happiness

Kerubim: His ego slash self loathing slash reliance on others for external approval and praise and love (these things are fine but hes got problems with not being able to provide these things to himself ever)

Atcham: Anger and the want to Hit Da Bricks (His instinct, when he gets angry in a way he can't resolve, is to leave a situation entirely)

9. What emotion does your character feel most frequently?

Joris: Depends what he's doing at the time since his daily activities vary greatly depending on the year. When hes doing his job though it's Deep Tiredness

Kerubim: Cozy :3 Also desperate need for approval

Atcham: Irritation/frustration as a form of Very Light Anger that doesnt bother him That Much.

10. If your character is an antagonist or something of the like, do they self-justify their actions? If so, how?

Joris: I am prioritizing Bonta. A leader that does not prioritize their own people is no leader at all. Other peoples leaders will prioritize them. The things I am doing must be done to ensure Bonta is prosperous, and once Bonta is totally prosperous we can extend those resources out to other places. But right now we need to be concerned with ourselves.

Kerubim: He just tends to try to make the people in his immediate vicinity as satisfied as possible and then reassures himself he tried his best. His focus on individual people makes political actions easier because he just has to benefit Them instead of thinking about people negatively affected.

Atcham: He actively avoids thinking about it. If Joris is talking about it he just sits there and nods but in his own head he'd rather avoid it entirely and focus on day-to-day doing good by people.

12. What are some of your character's pet peeves?

Joris: Ignoring the ones he thinks are just a normal thing to be irritated by regarding his dadson, calling him short, or little, or small, or cute, or young, or

Kerubim: People not listening to him when hes telling them something

Atcham: WHEN KERUBIM DOES THAT STUPID THING WHERE HE BENDS THE SWORD TO SEEM LIKE HE KNOWS WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT TO CUSTOMERS IT DAMAGES THE SWORD I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU STOP DOING IT!!!!!

15. What habits does your character have?

Joris: picks at his scales (scales are like pimples or hairs for him and sometimes little ones pop up on his face and upper chest and shoulders especially). Picks at his face where there arent scales. Hopping up on things to be a little taller. This is a broad question I'm not sure how to answer it. Being overly polite with everyone to keep distance.

Kerubim: Grooming i know we dont see it in the shows but i think he grooms himself when hes nervous if he has a moment and it helps him calm down a little and settle his thoughts. Also he clears his throat a lot.

Atcham: hunching slouching getting low to the ground moving on all fours. Sneaking. The Slippery Sneaker seems to Slink. Also he tenses his dominant shoulder when he thinks theres a threat and lowers his body close to the ground.

18. Who/what comforts your character?

(checks who sent the ask) dont ask questions you know the answer to. anyway its each other are you happy. Aside from that:

Joris: Crowds big enough that hes not notable at all (I think hes insane for this)

Kerubim: Items and objects and artifacts and mementoes

Atcham: A well defended area without major vulnerabilities. Can be a room in a house or a cat tree or anything.

21. What is your character's relationship with their emotions?

Joris: Hate those thangs. Kill them. Hate Them. If he could get rid of them he'd seriously consider it were it not for some of the warmer ones.

Kerubim: Some of them he's very happy with. Others he's accepted as part of life. Some more he sees as a moral failing he can't seem to get rid of.

Atcham: Shockingly in-tune (see: "When you have a life like mine, you need someone to blame" line in the movie). Actually pretty healthy approaches to them even if Joris and Kerubim dislike his Tendency To Leave For Unpredictable Periods Of Time. its his cope.

27. How does your character view themselves? (Expectations, intelligence, confidence, self-belief, etc.)

Joris: He tries his best, he doesn't do enough. He's a hero of sorts, he's a villain. He's accepted his body, he hates how people treat him because of it. He's smart, but he's stupid. He can do anything, he fails everything. Every thought has an equal but opposite thought.

Kerubim: A fraud, when it comes down to the wire. He does think he's very intelligent though, and he does have his unshakeable confidence that things will work out for him no matter what.

Atcham: He has fairly realistic ideas about his capabilities. His least reality-connected idea of himself is as Independent, and if he's reminded of a way he is Not, he gets strange in the head and leaves for a while. It's uncomfortable for him to think about that hes been kind of domesticated by circumstance when for a long time it was vital to his survival to be threatening and on-edge and prepared at all times.

28. What emotion is the most unfamiliar to your character and how do they deal with it?

Joris: Pride. He has a Recoil after a feeling of pride where he becomes kind of inward, at times. He's very old, though, so there are plenty of things he's rightfully prideful about (and he fights off the recoil consciously)

Kerubim: Emotional security. Relishes in it when he feels it without any other feelings to hinder it.

Atcham: Shame. Beats it down with a stick. Reminds him too much of being a little kid.

29. What are the three things that your character values most?

Joris: Family, independence, the respect of others

Kerubim: Family, memories, good craftsmanship

Atcham: Loved ones, his ability to protect himself and others, a well-forged sword

30. Is your character hiding something from other people, if so, what?

Joris: He thinks he hides everything, and he kind of does because he's very quiet and tries not to divulge information unnecessarily. He ALSO thinks hes not Good at hiding things and that others must see him as an open book and a fool, which is not very true.

Kerubim: There's so much to say, it's not hiding it until they ask very directly and you LIE (read: actively opposite information. Twisting or exaggerating is not a lie to him) about it. Omitting information and avoiding clear answers is king.

Atcham: Simultaneously he doesn't hide much (personality wise) and also he hides everything (physical items). I think he feels more secure with things if they have a hiding place. This makes his room impossible to clean, and yet it is in its own organization.

31. What genre of music does/would your character love?

Ask my good friend Ronik they have better thoughts on this than I would.

32. How does your character view their past?

Joris: It's Things That Have Happened. History. There's fondness there, but he's not as concerned with it as he is with the present.

Kerubim: It's everything. He holds onto the past with a death grip and drags it behind him.

Atcham: Prefers to avoid it. Not particularly interested in holding onto it more than necessary.

33. What are three positive traits that your character has?

Joris: Considerate of others and the consequences of actions, selfless, wants to Do Good (this one is mutated into something arguably negative after 600+ years)

Kerubim: Kind, wise, good at bluffing until luck takes over

Atcham: Cautious, selfless, knows when a battle is lost and its time to hit da bricks

34. What are three negative traits that your character has?

Joris: Impulsive, overly critical hater mindset including to himself, does not know when to quit

Kerubim: Lies to make himself look better, assumes things will work themselves out and doesn't do anything about them, can't take criticism

Atcham: Hater, doesn't value his own life enough when his loved ones are in the picture, leaves situations that Could Probably Be Resolved (and when I say leaves I mean hes gone for like months or more)

36. What are the things that make your character enter a full rage/cold mode? (Depends on their character.)

Joris: Someone knowingly endangering others will do it as good as anything will, especially others who trust you.

Kerubim: Hurting groups he considers vulnerable like children and orphans, or hurting his family

Atcham: He's tricky because he's actually extremely in control of himself, especially in a battle situation, but he Will get a little less cautious in a battle if you piss him off by insulting him or his family. INJURING his family actually makes him more cautious because he starts looking for a way out.

38. Someone your character dislikes goes up to them and confesses. How does your character react? (Doesn't have to be a rejection.)

This is the kind of question that I think you would be better at answering than me, Ronik. I really don't know actually. Someone Should Send You This Question, Among Other Questions, In Your Askbox Yesterday

39. What does your character have yet to realize about themselves?

Joris: Your self loathing and overly-critical approach to your own thoughts is hurting you, not ensuring that you don't become worse. (until waven era. Then his cope of managing to get past those things is making him worse but he's still hurting himself with them lol)

Kerubim: You don't need the approval of others to survive.

Atcham: You are a good person.

42. What is one thing that your character dislikes about themselves? ("Nothing" is also a valid answer.)

Joris: His whole self. There is a Him deep inside him that is Bad that he cannot root out. He's selfish (for things everyone thinks), he's cowardly (for things everyone fears), he's possessive (for things many people might be jealous about in the same situation), etc. etc. etc.

Kerubim: His whole self. He's a fraud and for some reason he can't just be happy. Something wrong with him (moral failing).

Atcham: His reliance on others.

43. What does your character see as the greatest injustice?

Joris (pre-waven): That people can do the best they can with what they have and still be ravaged by war and inequality that they had no hand in the creation of

Joris (waven): THAT OUR BEAUTIFUL NATION IS NOT THRIVING AS IT SHOULD!!!! We did everything right except the things we didn't (I took those moral L's, personally, for the people of Bonta. The people are not culpable for those decisions), why are there still hardships for the people?

Kerubim: That some vulnerable people do not have a protector

Atcham: That people get by with what little they have and still are at the whims of those more powerful who have everything

44. What does your character fear?

Joris: Being in the wrong, being seen as a fool, also a lot of things

Kerubim: Being alone

Atcham: Being fully reliant on others (because then, what happens when you lose them? You can't go back to the way things were before)

49. In the end, what is your character grateful for?

Joris: Kerubim and Atcham. Luis. The little things (boufbowl, sunlight, etc). Spiked coffee. Also OUR BEAUTIFUL NATION'S PROSPERITY.

Kerubim: Joris and Atcham. Luis. Lou. Everyone he's ever known, even the ones that hurt him.

Atcham: Kerubim and Joris. Security in food and home. Quiet. His own strength.

That was fun :) thanks for sending themmm

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.