#but im hoping im better by tmrw
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maybe its cuz im crazy and decided to get not just my flu shot, but also my COVID and tdap booster...all at the same time....but i have been fighting a fever since a few hours after I got the shots, been having body aches and the chills like crazy, and the concoction has given me slight nausea and just bad shits man. not even the first versions of the vaccine did this to me. like im fighting demons and am having to take acetaminophen every few hours just to feel alive....
#muerto talks#beware these boosters theyll knock u on ur ass#shouldve gotten them on a friday so i had the whole weekend to recover#but im hoping im better by tmrw#a small price to pay for protection but gooodd damnnnnn#its kicking my ass man#and its so weird that it triggers my ibs????#like on top of all the other symptoms and now u wanna give me gi issues? fuck u#hate feeling this way but im hoping tmrw is better for me 😭😭😭
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life update for any of those who keep up with pupkashi lore: I’m applying for grad school ! I’m so scared and nervous
#I’m going for a masters program in biomedical sciences !#if i get in it’ll boost my GPA for vet school applications so i really really need this to get into vet school 😞#Im gonna start on my application tmrw#i hope i finish everything on time it was in the air for a long time for me#i just wasn’t sure if i wanted to do another gap year or apply to vet school for next cycle#but i think this is ultimately the best decision for me to get my ducks in line#and hopefully get me a better chance for vet school and get in first or second try#perchance#okay I’m done rambling I’m just very scared and nervous and i have an immense fear of failure LOL !#jess talks
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went to the best store on the planet aka barnes & noble yesterday with my heart set on shakespeare and had a crisis over whether i should get Fantasy Space Lesbian Necromancers or Man in Coma Loses Memory and Saves Human Race but with Real Physics (both of which i have yet to read but desperately want to) so of course i walked out with hamlet and the four swords manga *sighs in nerd*
#what makes it better is that i've already read the fs manga#but now i have my own#also YES im gonna annotate hamlet who do you think i am#but yeah i was deliberating between Gideon the Ninth and Project Hail Mary#but my public library has both of them (i think) so i can at least get them#im such a fucking nerd ok it's hilarious#but did you expect anything less i sure hope not#how to tag this hmmmmmmmm#zelda#chicken scratch#four swords#project hail mary#gideon the ninth#and we will leave it at that i think#imma go to bed now#plan is to finish ch17 edits (thx inthi) and summary the rest of the fic tmrw#will it get done? who fucking knows but im tired as all hell
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;;
#dads doing better today but im exhausted#hoping he keeps on getting better and that tmrws easier#in an ideal world ill be able to write to give myself a break#but we will see#im still very tired#but my god do i wanna feel like myself again#personal
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wish i had a heated blanket 😔😔
#literally just for nights like this especially when the heat doesnt hit our bedroom (?) and its like 17 degrees out#ah just refreshed my weather app and i got it on the dot. feels like 4 tho :)))#whatever man ok goodnight lets hope i feel better tmrw 🙏🙏 im tired of feeling like this#talk tag
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(Losing it voice) GOODNIGJT
#text#what phoebe said : IM GONNA KILL YOU IF UOU DONT BEAT ME TO IT#she was crazy for that im so glaf she said it#hope that guy dies. whatever. i shan’t ruminate any longer#see yall in the morning i hope tomorrow is better i hope to god tmrw is better#SICK OF MY STUPIF LIFE its fine though
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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was at my back doctor appt sobbing my eyes out but still found it in me to joke “fuckkkk there goes my dreams of working manual labor”
#unfortunately not actually a joke#anyways appt went about as expected. my spine is structurally awesome. no clue why im in pain still after 6 months. maybe try more PT?#to his credit the doctor was really really nice and emphasized that he didn’t think it was all in my head which i appreciated#i think i just… have a bad back now. and i need to accept that? but i also need to have hope that it will get better? i dont understand how#im supposed to accept and havehope at the same time… at least i have therapy tmrw#it just hurts like all the fucking time. i’m so… tired
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I'm in so much pain but we stay karkalicious.
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໒꒰ྀི っ◞‸◟c ꒱ྀིა feelin v much…not cool rn…
#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#not in the sense of like…bein cool & hip! but in the like…not good way :’<#im supposed to go to my boyfies house after wrk but i think im just gonna go home ૮꒰◞ ◟꒱ა#i just feel like layin down & havin a HUGE cry :’< & ik im not so fun to be arround rn so mayhaps i will spend tonight alone :/#sorry guys for harshing the mellow :/ i’ll talk to you all tmrw <33 i hope its a much better one for lil ole me ૮꒰ྀི ´∩∩` ꒱ྀིა
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anyone else learn about the nuclear arms race and mutually assured destruction at an impressionable young age, had an existential crisis about how we almost ended all life on the planet in thermonuclear hellfire and made it uninhabitable for thousands of years multiple times because of political differences, and we still have enough warheads on earth to destroy it a hundred times over sitting in the hands of insane megalomaniac politicians who could just end it all with a press of a button and never fully recovered since?
#hahhahaahhahahaa#im fine :-)#in high school i had a bad case of 'no hope for this world' disease which was real hard to parse out from the major depressive disorder#it got real bleak! not gonna lie!#its hard to care about your math homework when youre convinced the world is going to fucking end bc we live under the rule of insane people#looking back now its easy to think i overreacted a bit. but holy shit being a teenager fucking sucks#you cant do anything about how bad the world sucks. all u can do is sit there and look at the news and get fucking depressed#cant vote. cant protest. cant articulate how i feel bc my brain is still growing and i have a math test tmrw.#its like. i just wanted a fucking break.#i didn't want to kill myself. i didnt necessarily want to die. i just wanted a break. bc everything fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!#god im so glad im not a fucking teenager anymore. wow this derailed a bit. hi. im okay now pls dont worry about me#personal#but yeah i still have nightmares now and then about nuclear war. shits scary as hell#and then u look at all the fucked up shit happening around the world and its hard not to lose hope for humanity :|#i want to like humans but unfortunately a lot of us seem to fucking suck. hopefully its not the majority#im doing waayyyyy better as an adult but damn its hard sometimes :/
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everything today kept going wrong :(((
#im sneepy now and have bleached the roots in my bangs so my mood is better-ish#but soooo much chaotic stuff and changes happened im reeling from all the overstimulation 😭#have an eye appointment tmrw so i hope ill get some good sneep !!!#snøfles besides me cuddling so it cant go entirely wrong tho 🥺#nohr.txt
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I haven’t interacted w u in a while hru??? Are u in school now? <3333
hiiii bestie!!
i’m doing good, i think i might have a sore throat tho 😭😭 anywayy, how abt u?? how r u?? and yeah i’m in school now since yesterday :((((
any exciting stuff happening?? take care and ily!! <3333
#mutuals <33#asks <33#im sorry i didn’t answer this sooner i’m so busy with school#i already have a project due tmrw and bio homework 😭😭#hope ur doing better than i am!!
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i actually cant take this shit anymore 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
#i cant wait to relapse tmrw ‼‼‼#self harm#mfw i send her worried messages bc she hasnt been online or responding to my dms only to find out he was okay and posting elsewhere about#how much he loves talking with her friends literallt 30 minutes ago said goodnight there wnd completely ignored me 😁😁#i hope i fucking die#my mom wont leave me the fuck alone either can you just like respect my want to be left alone. For Once#thank you for your unsolicited forced advice that doesnt even apply because you are assuming whats wrong against my expressing i want space#that made it all better!!!! so helpful 😁😁not just fucking annoying and frustrating and makes me feel like shit and i dont matter#and that you think im fucking stupid. thank you. 👍
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oh b t dubs. cel nation. idr if i posted abt this before but i am having. sparkle emoji. housing and displacement(?) issues. sparkle emoji. so if i have been insanely slow or dry or flat out ignoring messages/asks/etc the past few days uhhh. that is why [: hopefully all will be fixed by the end of this week but. as a warning lol
#not in a way where i need support. at all.#pls do not think that dsjkfdks#im just. its very confusing and draining and many ppl are being affected and im trying to help provide support for other ppl who are in#less ideal situations than i am etc etc. so im just. Drained and not available a ton but#hoping things will start to be better tmrw and absolutely fixed by the end of the week#iykyk i suppose#but iyk . do not doxx me. tham k u#yap yap yapping
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i'm attending the svt concert tomorrow and i'm sick like actually really truly sick 🥲
#mari's thoughts#rn i feel okay enough to still push through but i hope that i wake uo feeking better tmrw#sobs#wonwoo n mingyu n joshua my loves im still coming !!
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