#but ill talk about them here for a second

[pome-seed]

The Soldier's Keeper ★ 4

Pairing: Winter Soldier! x Doctor!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: In a moment of quiet kindness, you cut The Winter Soldiers Hair.

Warnings: Captivity, angst, needles, and fear. Fake and very uneducated medicine :)

Authors Note: Please Comment and be kind!

There was a revolting type of guilt that sank inside of you every time you pressed a needle through a rat's skin. You were condemning them, torturing them. But it was better than testing them on the one person you were tasked with keeping alive.

“I used to want to be a vet,” you blurted, pulling the needle out of the white rodent. “I’ve always loved animals. They’re so much more peaceful than humans.” You tossed the syringe and began scribbling in a notebook. “I have two cats, you know? Love them to death.”

You didn’t bother looking back to check if the Soldier was listening. You knew he was. Though he was much less likely to give you a reaction while they were under the watchful eye of Hydra. Four guards, in each corner of the room, stood silently.

“It’s a good thing I have a roommate. They’d have starved on their own, with me here.” You muttered to yourself as you pulled a chair up to the man. “Anyways…”

“I’ve started testing the effects of the serum I’ve been working on. I’ve been injecting the rats with a variety of degenerative muscular viruses- ones I think will closest match yours.” You spoke, still scribbling on your notebook. “I gave them a few days for it to take effect, so now I’m testing the effects of the antidote. Truthfully, there's a few antidotes- I’d like to see which one delays the side effects the longest.”

You’d taken to the habit of explaining your steps to him. You felt he deserved to know what you were doing to his body- or rather, what you would be doing to it. You had gathered that he had been so long deprived of basic autonomy, you wanted to allow him as much dignity as you could.

You glanced up at him. “I think I’m getting close.” You said quietly. “At least I hope I am…” 

★

“Your hair is getting long.” You observed, sitting at his feet as you used a small metal tool to clean beneath his bloody fingernails. Over the days, your duties of caring for him had grown. “I could cut it, you know.” you glanced up at him.

He stared down at you. “I’m trying to give you an opportunity to choose,” you said gently. His brows furrowed at you.

“You talk about choices a lot.”

You tried not to shiver at the sound of his voice. It was the second time hearing it to date. It was rough and throaty, like he rarely used it- evidently. He was quiet, like a mutter. “I gathered you don’t often get to make those.” You scraped under his ring fingernail.

He swallowed, his gaze growing distant. 

“I don’t have to cut it,” you whispered, setting his hand back down in his lap. “I just thought you might like it. I cut my own- used to. I used to cut my own. So I’m no stranger with a pair of scissors.”

A long bout of silence stretched between you, and you quickly started to regret ever suggesting the idea.

“Okay.”

You straightened. “Yeah?”

He nodded. 

You combed through the tangled strands with your fingers, pulling it back over his shoulders. You stood behind him, doing your best to not yank his hair out. “How long do you want it?”

You gave him the time to respond. It was almost awkward for him to admit something he wanted. “Short.”

“That’s not very detailed.” You held your hand out for the scissors. He slipped them in your hand. “When I first got here, they told me you’ve been around for a while. I gather that you’re kind of old,” you suppressed an ill timed smile. “I could try to go for something older fashioned.”

He stiffened, his palms curling up in his lap.

“Just below my ears is fine.”

You felt immediate regret, watching him close back up in real time. “Okay.”

You pinched locks of dark hair between your fingers and clipped them shorter. His hair was much longer than it had been when you first met him. It made you begin to question time. But then again, you surmised that his rapid hair growth could have been caused by his regenerative cells.

It was quiet for a long time. Not the usual quiet, the kind that stretched and ached and burned. But more like a solitude. Silence that exposed raw nerves. Silence that was shared and observed and respected.

“I used to keep my hair really short. I thought it was much easier to deal with, especially in the lab.” You snipped. “But I started growing it out after I graduated. It was freeing. I like to get pretty, dress up and do my makeup. Having more hair made that a lot more fun.”

Your chest ached for a brief moment as you recalled the current state of your hair. It was knotted and tied back into a braid, frizzy strands sticking out at all angles. You hadn’t seen much of yourself except for in passing windows and in the reflection of your monitor. You had showered a few times since they had taken you, but it was in a small closet built to fill mops. 

It felt more like hosing yourself down.

“Do they let you shower?” You blurted. 

You expected silence, but earned a short huff of breath. What a shocker. 

“Sometimes.”

You wouldn’t say he smelled bad. He just smelled like a man. Every time you saw him, it seemed to be after some big event. He was always a little dirty, maybe with a dash or two of blood. You could smell his sweat whenever you got too close, but it wasn’t foul. 

“Is it wrong to say I’m shocked?”

“It’s accurate. Not wrong.”

You snipped, combed with your fingers, then continued cutting. “Do they give you bubble baths?”

He turned to look over his shoulder at you, causing you to cut a lock of hair much too short. You cringed when your eyes met. “You can’t see the back of your head, so you don’t need to know what I just did.”

He huffed again, something you were starting to assume was a laugh. “What’s a bubble bath?”

“You’re kidding right?”

Silence.

“It’s really self explanatory. There's certain types of soap that make huge piles of bubbles, so it feels like you're bathing in a cloud. It’s usually something only kids or women use.”

“I was joking.”

You stared at the back of his head in shock. “Joking?” 

Silence. 

“We need to work on your sarcasm.”

★

You crawled around the base of his chair mechanism, sweeping stray shavings of hair into your palm. When you glanced up, the Soldier was pinching the ends of his hair, staring into the distance. “It’s not my best work, but you look nice.”

You shook the hair off into the bin.

“Thank you.” 

Your spine straightened. The shock quickly faded, followed by deep guilt. You felt like you had only added to the damage. You may have done something he wanted, but you had offered it to him, like a child. You had played into the game of taking from him, then acting like a hero when you gave something back.

“Don’t thank me, please.” You muttered.

You could feel the weight of his stare against your back. You could hear the creak of his metal arm as he lowered it to rest in his lap. You took a second to clean your hands, took a breath, then faced him.

“Do you-do you ever get phantom pain?” You blurted. “In your arm.”

He glanced at the metal. “Sometimes.”

“Is it bad? I’ve heard that it’s bad. I once had a classmate that lost her foot and she said it ached the worst in winter. I was such a prick in school because I used to ask to see the stump all the time. I’ve heard that's also a pretty intimate thing for amputees.” You rambled, organizing the tray of barber supplies. “Does it ever get weird when you take it off? I mean- you must be so used to seeing it- having an arm there, and then it can just be gone in a second.”

“I don’t take it off.”

“Really? Never? I mean- it doesn’t rust from the shower?”

“They care for it while I’m asleep.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you ever seen your stump?”

He nodded. “Not in a long time.” He paused. “And it’s not a stump.”

“It’s not?”

He drew his fingers across the shoulder of the false arm. “It starts up here. There's metal worked into my body to hold the arm in place.”

You didn’t mean to gape, but you did. He lifted a brow at you. “Have you-” you blinked. “Ever thought about what it would look like if  you lost some of your muscle mass? I mean, if you lost weight, you’d have one really buff arm and one skinny one. That would be pretty awkward.”

He blinked at you, like you had just said something so outlandish he couldn’t process it. “Yeah, I don’t think that’s really something I need to worry about.”

You pressed your knuckles to your lips, holding back a smile. “Right,” you didn’t want to laugh. “Right, yeah.”

There was something about the sound of his voice that made you feel just a little less alone. It made you want to keep rambling and prying and finding ways to make him respond. It made you feel just a little less insane.

A/N: Another kind of short one, but this is one of my favorite chapters.

@jason-todd-fangirl-14 @frog-fans-unite @lonelyghosts-stuff

[babycakebo]

habits die hard / gojo fic

*ೃ༄

inf : fulfilling one of my very first reqs! gojo angst, like heart-wrenching (I hope?), some very subtle implied smut but not written, gojo loves his ex. geto is his ex. enjoy! — taglist : @smutty-littleslut, @sarcasticintrovertedsoul, @monacipher, @thesunxwentblack, @hel1nn love you all sm 🤍

With every guy you’ve dated, you’ve never gone back to them after a breakup. 

Exes are exes after all, aren’t they?

So why can’t Satoru stay away from his? 

What is it about Suguru Geto that makes your boyfriend go back to him, even though every time it ends in tears?

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──———── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

Your head has spun so many times about these same questions. It’s irrevocably confusing to you.

This is what you are thinking about as you sit on the bed of your shared bedroom in the apartment that Satoru bought for you. He loves you so much that he bought you an apartment (doesn’t he?). 

You have his phone in your hands, knuckles pale from how hard youre gripping it, messaging app open to his DMs with Suguru. Satoru has always trusted you with the password to his phone, his username for his socials.

It’s like he’s been practically begging you to look through his texts with Geto. Begging you to see that no matter what, he can’t stop going back. 

But you have faith. And you believe in second chances. 

And third chances, and fourth ones.

But blind faith doesn’t keep your hands from shaking as you read —

sugu : im on a mission in Tokyo. ill come see u in 2 days, toru. 

toru : alr, sounds fine. canceled date w gf that day.

And then, the texts from yesterday. The day you’d supposed to have that dinner date you two had talked about for a week straight. Hadn’t he been so excited for it?

sugu : r u here yet Satoru?

toru : gf gave me shit ab leaving. b there in five sugu. love u. 

Gave him shit? Well duh, you’re his girlfriend (aren’t you?)!

You have half a mind to confront him. Beg him to stop. 

This has been the third time you’ve caught Satoru meeting up with Suguru. And yet, when you confront him, Satoru always seems so remorseful, so sorry. 

This time, you won’t confront him. But you’ll act different, you tell yourself. 

Maybe if you act like Suguru, it will change Satoru’s mind.

And so now for three weeks you don black clothes over your normally pastel colored wardrobe. You wear your hair half up half down, you try your best to remain nonchalant like Geto even though it itches at you, staying silent about how exciting your day was. 

And shockingly enough to you, your behavior flies over Satoru’s head like an odd smell. It’s like he doesn’t even notice. 

When you give him dry responses over dinner, he responds back just as glumly. Doesn’t even care. 

But besides not noticing your Suguru-like behavior, hes just normal Satoru. 

He still cuddles you during movie night, still laughs that same loud cackle. He still strokes the back of your neck if you look stressed over your work. Still kisses you in the shower (when he cares enough to join you). 

You notice that hes stopped initiating intimacy, stopped cooking chocolate-chip-and-blueberry pancakes on sundays. Claims he has too much work to do. Forgot the recipe. 

And one day, he slips out. 

Doesn’t think you’d notice. Going shopping for a new watch, he says. 

But you’d  bought the watch he wears now. The one that has been sitting on his nightstand, collecting dust for a week.

You don’t even bother to check his phone; you already know what he’s up to. Don’t even need to ask. 

When he gets back, it’s two in the morning, the lights are off. 

He tries to close the door as quietly as he can. You are sitting on the couch, tear stained cheeks, solemn face and all. 

“Hey,” he plays it off. “Met an old friend on the way back home. We drank a bit. Something wrong?”

Old friend. 

The way he just says it so casually, reminds you of that phrase, Old habits die hard. Maybe that’s how it is with Suguru. 

“You promised you’d stop seeing Suguru. You promised you would cut him off for good.” Your voice quivers. Because you know what you have to do, know that faith you have has lead you nowhere. 

“It — it wasn’t Suguru. You know i love you,” Satoru tries, but no lie will work. 

Because you have made up your mind. 

“I can’t do it anymore, Satoru,” you say. “I can’t stand here anymore and pretend like you cheating on me doesn’t break my heart. Like it doesn’t tear me in two.”

“I don’t . . .” Satoru shakes his head. Gives up on lying. “He was my first love. You understand that, don’t you?” He gives you a hopeful look. Like you’ll love him still for that pathetic excuse.

Your fists clench. “No, I don’t. You were my first love.” Your voice gets louder, your tone stiff. “You promised, Satoru.”

He raises his hands like you’re arresting him. “Alright, alright, my love. This is the last time. For real. Plus, the watch he got me isn’t as nice as the one you got.” He smiles cheekily.

Does he think this is a joke?

That one wisecrack will have you falling back in his arms?

“I don’t think you understand,” you say slowly. “I want to break up with you, Satoru.” You can see the puzzle pieces come together, connect the dots behind his azure eyes. Shaking his head no. Can’t be true.

“I. . .” He falters. At a loss for words. “No, but you know that I love you. You know I do,” he repeats. Maybe he’s convincing himself.

“The only reason you love me is so you have somebody to come crawling back to when Suguru breaks your heart for the ten gazillionth time,” you snap. You didn’t mean to get angry.

But when he said You know I love you, anger forced itself upon you. Because you knew the truth of it all.

“You don’t love me anymore? You won’t fight for us?” Satoru says, voice sad. Like he wanted you to fight for love that doesn’t even exist.

“No, Satoru.” You tell him. “I don’t love you at all.”

And it only satisfies you all the more when you’re the one who gets to roll his luggage to his freshly washed white lexus, him standing with the saddest blue eyes you’ve ever seen and arms limp at his sides.

You know that he recognizes what he’s lost. And you don’t care.

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──———── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

a/n : soo idk if this was good angst, but here you guys go! also, here’s gojo’s chocolate-chip-blueberry pancake recipe ! hope you all sick and twisted angst-enjoying individuals enjoyed it 🤍 (jp i love angst too)

[tapwater118]

tpot 17 spoilers here's what i thought of it lalalala

overall very good episode!! not the *best* ever episode but not every episode can be. it was very silly and fun and also what the fuck is happening

this eliminations played out how i most expected it to, i like pillow and yellow face is alright i guess but it was definitely their times to go. love how pencil freaked out for a hot second over having the most votes (again) i knew they would do that they are so evil for it. I LOVED BOTTLE'S LITTLE DOODLES of course she draws 2018 cute boots and mouth good for her

speaking of bottle was such a fun host! the "everything she does takes literal days" thing was a bit overused but i'm glad they stopped doing that once the challenge started. nice little subtle bit of character-building for four given how he was seemingly happy with bottle taking over. bro cares more about cooking than hosting now i can respect the growth and progression

the challenge itself was a very neat idea, splitting up the teams like this is a very good way to get new groups of characters to interact who wouldn't have otherwise. i thought for a second when bottle shuffled everyone around that we were getting ANOTHER team swap and nearly screamed lmao. but yeah super funny how the eating contest objects where all chill with each other (for the most part) but everyone else was at each other's throats the whole time lmao

pencil. oughhhhh pencil. i am ill. i dont really think pen was the best choice to talk to her at the end but to be fair the options were pretty limited given that everyone else was either MIA or book. the bookcil scene was awesome yes girlie get ANGRY unleash your RAGE. i think it would have been a bit more impactful if they didn't have fanny going basically "erm, awkward!" right in the middle of it but yeah good food i am fed

oh my god what has happened to one's room. has gaty torn through there like a feral animal or something or was this all the product of one's own frustration. given how she fucking mutilates donut i wouldn't discount the latter possibility. also six is plot relevant what, and purple face is gonna lead them to the EXIT and then (theory time) one's gonna use that group to get three out of the fourtress for. something. idk yet but things are happening

individual challenges lightning round go! circus circumstances is amazing i love slasher tacks, love evil tv arc they should have him Kill more. ferris wheel was kinda whatever but i love how they're bringing back snowball's old relationships with certain characters, particularly gb and pen. THE FOURSE IS BACK I LOVE YOU FOURSE not much else to say i didn't already cover in the previous section. eating contest was fun they leaked price tag's search history (and loser got cancelled lmao). winner felt appreciated i need to kiss them what who said that

wow i had a lot to say about this one huh, forty minute episodes will do that to ya. elimination predictions: grassy is almost certainly out, the team 2 votes (aside from icy's) were really close last time so it really depends on where the icy voters' votes will go now, and just by fandom reaction i can tell you it will not be grassy. for 🎼 i'm less sure but i can certainly say bottle and pen are safe, they were all over this episode they got so much to do. i think it might be liy or tb as much as i hate to say it, they kinda got sidelined in their challenges

ok uhh tpot 18 or 19 will probably be a meetup episode so i'll be able to see it before the rest of you HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[monochromeia]

prowlerr

[churrorat-711]

Oooo they are so inlove

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Horse Yaoi trotted so Horsegirl Yuri could fly.

[whiplashmp3]

SUNWOO | VANGUARD: RIOT CONCEPT IMAGES

[lupismaris]

There is nothing so affirming and life saving as leaving home and being loved at face value by total strangers for who you are

[xxplastic-cubexx]

I hope the bloke who sat behind me during dinner had fun seeing me look at the same pic of rivals magneto on my phone for the past like forty minutes

[mad-hunts]

so, i'm sorry in advance for the cursed images again, y'all. BUT i was thinking about it, and honestly... this is the most accurate description that i could give y'all as to what barton is like around people who he's in love with versus almost everyone else (besides those in his family and his friends + POSSIBLY others... though, even then, he might just act this way towards them 💀)

barton around his love interests:

barton around almost everyone else (at least about 50% of the time):

[mwagneto]

i think what's really been getting to me the past few months is the realisation that i dont relate to literally any of the mental health stuff i see anywhere. like whenever there's some affirmation or motivation or just relatable-sounding posts in general they all seem like such common problems and it's like, damn i literally dont experience any of that. and yet im still crumpling. something uniquely wrong with me

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

Why is the kitchen also the low gravity room. Nevermind I hope he got stuck

[waterfallofspace]

J/JK SEASON 2 S/HIBUYA TRAILERRRRR DAHUSJOIKJLAKSFJGNLNGADKLDJGSLGMN (spoilers in tags)

[dreadfuldevotee]

i am just...so profoundly tired of being me

[elytrafemme]

whenever i talk positively abt college i do need a caveat that my university itself is hellish and isn't dystopian but feels adjacent due to [redacted] being so close by & the administration sucks. also i feel like it's giving me a chance to actually be a person without the shadow of trauma right behind me so even as i'm mentally ill and actively trying to protest my university it is actually so fucking freeing that what happened when i was 15 is not something people just know about. like these people don't have the knowledge that i disappeared during COVID and came back entirely different and Better but clearly haunted. these people only know the issues i have that i choose to divulge and it's almost easier to hide it because i'm not in classes for eight hours. i finally feel intelligent because i'm not going home and collapsing from exhaustion to the point i can't do anything; i can actually do work and be productive bc i'm only in class a bit and studying things that matter.

college is expensive and shitty and elitist and i do not love my university but i love being in college so much because it just works better for my brain and like. it's been so long since i've felt people just liking me without this haunting element of weird trauma sharing shit or homoromanticism or past histories. it's a complete clean state. and people still like me. it's so fucking healing is what it is

[killjoy-prince]

This is the most prsk merch I've seen at my kinokuniya