#but if i don't i will feel like i have something unresolved and probably won't be able to go to bed until then anyway

[callixton]

i forget what all of my plans for tonight were and also i don't know how it reached 1 am

[lovelyhan]

enemies to lovers prompt #10 "I'm not driving home with you..." with mingyu, thx <3

— vices & virtues ⟢

being from one of the most opulent families in the city, you're used to getting everything you want. but when you realize that your hot bodyguard is strictly off-limits, you treat him like anything else you can't have: with unbridled hostility.

★ FEATURING; bodyguard!mingyu x reader

★ WORD COUNT; 5.4k words

★ TAGS; enemies to lovers, unresolved sexual tension, smut

★ WARNINGS; alcohol consumption, cigarettes, implied/referenced drug use, self-destructive behavior in general, (probably inaccurate) discussions about drug poisoning, graphic sexual content (MINORS DNI)

★ NOTES; when i tell you i speedwrote this just in time for mingyu day,,, eugh i love you so much gyugyu and thank you to the anon who sent this in a while back!! this prompt was so tasty to work with!

★ SMUT TAGS; unprotected sex, couch sex, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, dacryphilia, size kink, mating press, overstimulation, creampie

★ SVT TAGLIST; @wonderfulshinee - @misssugarlips - @yourfavoritefreakyhan - @jeanjacketjesus - @just-here-to-read-01 - @hanihans - @venusrae - @taestrwbrry - @minnie-mouser22 - @dreamhannies - @thvhannie - @kkooongie - @gae-uls - @lenireads - @gaebestie - @ryusha-rose - @enhacolor - @ilyvern - @woo8hao - @spk93 - @tommolex - @stariightjoyy - @asjkdk - @horny4hoshi

★ MINGYU TAGLIST; @ @renjunphile - @acgyu - @potatofrieswithketchup - @pluviophile-xxx - @pretty-trustme - @zeenanigans - @noveniadelia

When the tiniest sliver of consciousness slips into your inebriated brain, you feel the cold tile of the bathroom floor being pried off your face. Well, more like you're being gently lifted off it, and into the arms of someone warm.

You nearly lean into their embrace until you catch a whiff of that familiar, musky cologne with hint of something like pine. It takes you some effort to keep yourself from bolting out of his grasp and retching your guts out in the toilet again.

You deign to squint your eyes despite the harsh fluorescent light razing your vision. Looking down on you is none other than Kim Mingyu, gaze as indifferent as ever. Unfortunately, you're too drunk or high to figure out how he even found you here, but you know there's no weaseling your way out when your father's little lapdog has tracked you down.

"What're you doing here?" you still ask even if you knew the answer.

It's my job to take care of you.

"It's my job to take care of you," he says the words in the same way you imagined him to—apathetic. Indecipherable.

"Fuck you. I don't need you to take care of me," you scoff. "My friends'll drop me off at my apartment like they always do."

Mingyu rolls his eyes. "You mean the same friends who called me because they're tired of having to clean up after your shit? I don't want to be here either, princess, but I'm actually getting paid to keep you in line, if you hadn't known that yet."

There's something so unfairly attractive in the snark in his tone, and you fucking hate him for it. Mostly, you hate yourself for even thinking that anything about Mingyu is remotely alluring.

In the end, you just tell yourself that you're an objective person. You have eyes, and it won't cost anything to admit that Mingyu is conventionally attractive. Even if you did hate his guts.

Not that he'll ever hear you admit that aloud, though.

You're vaguely aware of how the hem of your too-short dress rides up your thighs as Mingyu rises back to his full height—having no problems carrying you out of the bathroom bridal-style.

Under normal circumstances, you would've struggled. Proved that you could very much handle yourself despite being obviously hammered. But your head is spinning, and your limbs feel like they'll disintegrate any second.

Eyes closed, you press your face into the fine fabric of Mingyu's suit—breathing in the same scent that repulsed you not five minutes earlier in an attempt at anchoring your consciousness.

As Mingyu maneuvers you out of the bathroom, the loud bass blaring from the speakers at the frat party you've decided to attend last minute rings in your eardrums. You don't have to see your surroundings to know you've got onlookers. Those unsubtle comments are clue enough to know you're being watched.

Who is that? Her boyfriend?

No, idiot, that's probably her bodyguard or some shit. Her family's loaded as fuck.

So lucky. If I had a bodyguard like that, I'd totally let him smash.

The real question is: would he let you smash?

Fuck you.

You want to flash them the most disgusted look you could muster. As if you'd stoop low enough to fuck Mingyu, of all people. Don't they know who you are? You could easily let any man or woman you wanted on their knees for you.

You were supposed to stick to your regular routine of getting railed into the next day after a few drinks and sticks, but you obviously got a little too excited about the new strains your friends snuck into the party. Now you're being princess carried by a man you absolutely despise, too shit-faced to even be remotely desired by anyone else at the moment.

Still, never in a million years would you consider having this guy as a bodyguard lucky.

You can tell you're outside when the music starts to fade in the distance and the cold starts to prickle your legs and arms. A somewhat coherent part of you recalls leaving your designer jacket in the coatrack of the frat house, and if you weren't so fucking shit-faced, you would've yelled at Mingyu to go back and get it.

But just before you can consider asking him somewhat nicely, you hear him unlock a car that definitely doesn't sound like yours—making your ears perk up, and your consciousness flood back in much faster.

"What are you—?"

You thrash in Mingyu's arms until he lets you down on the ground—throwing him a stone-cold glare right after. The fact that your pedicured feet are in direct contact with the asphalt makes your rage spike further. How dare this asshole leave your Valentinos behind? He might as well have just left you at the party altogether!

"I'm not driving home with you," you growl.

Mingyu's expression doesn't even budge. "You're not driving. I am."

"Don't try to be fucking smart with me. I'm high, not stupid."

Folding your arms across your chest, you try to pretend that you're not in the middle of the street, arguing with Mingyu as your blood pressure rises to unimaginable heights.

Unfortunately for you, this isn't the first time your friends have left you in the quote-unquote capable hands of your bodyguard. But every time he did, he would always drive whatever car you chose to bring for the occasion and drop you off at your place.

When he brings a car of his own, however...

"You're bringing me straight to the old man," you grumble. "You think he'll appreciate seeing his daughter all wasted at three in the morning? You think he'll be happy with you when he finds out you let me sneak out like this? Are you stupid or do you actually want to get fired?"

"And who told you I was going to bring you to him?" Mingyu shakes his head, letting out a long-winded sigh. "Like I said, I don't want to be here either. The last thing I need is even more overtime after your father sets you straight."

That makes you pause, eyes widening with a hint of mistrust. Mingyu listens to every word his employer says. He's the perfect little lapdog. So perfect that sneaking out for these nightly escapades of yours have grown increasingly difficult with how good he is at finding you and bringing you home.

So hearing him practically say that he won't tattle on you...

"How can I be sure you're not fucking with me? That if I fall asleep in the car, I won't wake up in the courtyard of the old man's stupid mansion?"

"Do I look like I have the energy to deal with both of you at the same time?" he replies sharply, opening the door to the passenger seat with a hint of finality in his actions. "Just get in the fucking car so we can all head to bed before sunrise."

The sound of the house party still in full swing echoes in your ears from the distance. Your skin tingles a little beneath the heat of Mingyu's mildly pissed off gaze, and you let out a shuddering breath to keep yourself from giving the feeling a name.

"Fine."

...

Good news: you made it safely back to your apartment without anyone alerting your father about your true whereabouts.

Bad news: Mingyu just won't fucking leave.

He insisted that you get yourself refreshed with a shower first before he talks to you in the living room. The same guy that right-out said that you should hop in the passenger seat of his car so you'd both be asleep before the sun rises. The clock is already pushing past four in the morning, and Mingyu still insists on lecturing you before he leaves?

You of all people know how obstinate he can be. He's even more stubborn than you are, if you're being completely honest. So even if it wounds your pride to play along with what he has planned, you head back to your living room right after slipping on your usual nightgown—flashing Mingyu a look to remind him you're not at all pleased with whatever bullshit he wants to talk about.

However, your irritation ebbs a little when you see a plate of your favorite cookies sitting on the coffee table, along with a glass of water and a sheet of Advil.

Your gaze drifts from the snacks to your bodyguard, who looks more dressed down than usual. His coat is folded neatly, hanging off one side of your couch, and the first three buttons of his dress shirt are undone.

You gulp, prying your eyes off the sliver of chest he's willingly exposed before seating a respectable distance away.

"What did you want to talk about?" You try to sound casual as you leaned forward, reaching for a cookie and the glass of water without as much initiating eye contact.

"You smoked a few joints at the party, didn't you?"

You take a bite, washing it down with your drink before replying with, "So what if I did? A little kush isn't going to kill anybody, Mingyu."

"We both know 'a little' doesn't exist in your vocabulary, princess," he points out, crossing his arms with an unimpressed look. "Anyway, I'm not your father, so I typically don't care about what drugs you're taste testing every night—"

"Are you implying that you suddenly care now?"

"With a new poisonous marijuana strain circulating in the underground market? Of course I do."

You do a double take on that, staring at him hard as you begrudgingly swallow your cookie, "What? Underground market? And what do you mean poisonous?"

Mingyu lets out another sigh when he leans forward to reach for the box of cigarettes and a lighter you left strewn across your coffee table. You're even more surprised to see him lighting himself a stick and taking a drag than you were when he prepared some snacks and water for you.

"Some Columbian drug cartels thought it would be funny to infiltrate surface-level drug transactions. Long story short, they invented some fucked up strain laced with belladonna and smuggled it into the market under the impression that it's a new sativa strain."

You absolutely have no idea how Mingyu even got ahold of this information, but realizing the implication of his words has your stomach sinking with dread. If what he's saying is true, it's no wonder you were out so fucking quick tonight.

"I'm not gonna die within twenty four hours, right?" you half-joke because, Jesus, you're adventurous with your drugs, but you wouldn't willingly take something that can actually kill you.

To your relief, Mingyu shakes his head. "I don't know the science behind it either, but I was told sativa tones down the poisonous effect of belladonna by a huge margin. The worst you'll experience is a fever and a nasty cough if you don't do anything about it."

"Gee, way to be reassuring."

Mingyu scoffs before taking another drag of his cigarette. Your gaze is riveted on the cut of his jaw as he inhales the smoke with eyes closed. It's only when he flicks the ashes in a small ashtray you left by the small table beside the couch that you realize he's pushed the sleeves of his dress shirt to his elbows—exposing a good deal of his toned arms.

You immediately take a huge gulp of water, not wanting such unsavory thoughts about an unsavory person to surface now, of all times.

You might be more refreshed after your shower, but if you're starting to ogle Kim Mingyu, the strange joints you've been hitting all night might've messed with your head more than you thought.

"That's why we're going to the doctor tomorrow—"

You scowl. "Like hell I'm going to pay Doctor Yoon a visit. That guy's the biggest tattletale in the world. He'll definitely tell the old man. Oh, and I actually have classes tomorrow if you're forgetting, Mingyu."

"You're pretending to attend those now that it's convenient for you?" He smirks as he breathes out another puff of smoke. "Nice try, princess. But don't worry your pretty little head about it. I'll take you to another doctor I know—someone who won't get us both in trouble by telling your father that you've been smoking bad weed."

"Again, way to be fucking reassuring."

The silence finally settles as you nibble contemplatively on the snacks he brought for you. You're can say for sure that you're most certainly sober now, so Mingyu's words have got you thinking.

But it's a little difficult to think about the state of your health when you've got a sort-of uninvited guest manspreading right next to you on the couch.

"Aren't you going to leave?" you ask. "Just text me what time we're going to visit that doctor friend of yours."

"How would you feel if you got told to scram while you're in the middle of a smoke?" Mingyu flashes you an annoyed look. "For the third time, I don't even want to be here, princess. At least let me have this as compensation for saving your sorry ass."

He's so fucking infuriating.

The rough undercurrent in his voice. The perpetual upward curve of his lips as if he always has the upper hand. His beefy arms. His built chest.

...Not to mention his unexpected thoughtfulness when he decided to stick around and inform you about what you might've gotten yourself into instead of leaving you to fend for yourself. He even brought out your favorite cookies for good measure.

You never really know what to do with Kim fucking Mingyu. He stirs up all sorts of confusing feelings inside your chest at any given time, and frankly, you've had enough of it.

You allow yourself to relish in the pride that swells in your chest when he nearly drops his half-smoked cigarette in the ashtray the moment you crawl on top of his lap.

Mingyu's mouth quivers with some sensible words his job description probably requires him to say, but you rob him of his ability to speak when you steal the cancer stick from his fingers. In one long breath, you smoke the cigarette down to the filter—killing it on your ashtray before leaning down to press your lips to his.

With how stunned he is, it doesn't take a lot of effort to pry Mingyu's mouth open, breathing the smoke into his mouth. Once you're satisfied, you pull away with a triumphant smirk.

"Now you're done," you say, making the motions to get off his lap. "I'm heading to bed. Don't wake me up before noon for that doctor's appointment or else I'm going to slash your ti—"

You don't even get to finish that sentence. Mingyu suddenly flips you over so that your back is pressed against the couch and he's lying on top of you—both knees planted on either side of your hips as he gazes at you with an ireful glare.

"W-What are you doing?" you whisper, but in spite of the protesting nature of your words, you can't help but feel a pang of white hot desire shoot straight through you when you feel just how big he is now that his body is pressed against yours.

"Teaching a bad girl a lesson," he whispers, grabbing your face roughly. "You can't just pull off shit like that and expect to walk away from it unscathed, princess."

Fuck. That nickname he always uses never fails to get on your nerves on any other day. But when he sounds like that and has you under him like this...

"What are you gonna do about it then?" you ask.

Mingyu chuckles darkly, as he squishes your face with his big, long fingers. You nearly shudder at the thought of what those digits could do to you if you just pushed the right buttons.

"You'll just have to fuck around and find out."

When the pressure of his strong grip leaves your cheeks, confusion paints your features. Mingyu's weight eases off your pliant body almost immediately as well, leaving you to scowl at him incredulously. He doesn't even look at you as he collects his coat from where it hangs off your couch.

But before he can even think about putting it back on, something not so different from a growl resonates deep in your chest as you sit back up—tugging on the collar of his shirt to smash your lips together.

Mingyu all but groans into the kiss, but you're not sure if you can even call it that. There's nothing but hunger fueling the both of you as your tongue slides alongside his, mapping out each other's mouths like your lives depended on it.

You vaguely hear his coat fall to the floor as Mingyu goes back to crowding you against the couch—one of his strong arms circling your waist as he grinds his hips against your middle. It's nearly embarrassing how willing you are to receive his advances.

You, the same person who told your bodyguard you refused to drive home with him, are now making out with said bodyguard at four in the morning.

But then again, who fucking cares?

"You have no idea," he whispers hoarsely against your lips and you let out a stifled moan when you feel the outline of his erection rut against your clothed pussy, "how much you drive me insane. You're such a fucking handful, you know that?"

"I'm glad to know I make your life miserable," you bite back despite the fact that, when Mingyu brings down the straps of your nightgown to expose your breasts to the cool air, you do nothing about it.

Mingyu lets out a harsh laugh. "You're probably into this, aren't you, princess? You like riling me up so much so that I'd snap and teach you a lesson?"

You want to tell him that he's being fucking full of himself if he thinks you've planned this that far back. But with how massive he feels through his trousers alone, you can't say that you don't want him inside you right this second.

It doesn't help that he's giving your chest a generous amount of attention���suckling at your nipples in a way that has you twitching beneath him with sensitivity.

"So what if I am?" you say, testing the limits of what he'll let you get away with. "You talk big about teaching me a lesson but you're being awfully careful with me. Aren't you going to shove your cock down my throat to get me to shut up?"

Mingyu chuckles with a quick shake of his head, like he isn't even taking your words seriously. You let out a sharp yelp when he bites down on one of your breasts—leaving a distinct imprint of his canines on your skin before staring into your eyes.

"I can choke you with my cock next time, princess. For now, I just want to make you come until you're crying for me."

Fuck.

Mingyu wastes no time. He immediately sinks to his knees on the floor, hauling your hips closer to the edge of the couch so that he can hook your thighs over his shoulders. When he realizes that you're not wearing any underwear underneath your flimsy satin nightgown, you swear the noise he makes is near animalistic.

"Don't get f-fucking cocky," you stammer, nerves alight everywhere his lips graze your inner thighs. "I don't usually wear underwear before going to sleep! This wasn't for you."

"It is now," Mingyu says before licking a long stripe from your leaking hole to your aching clit. He holds your thighs far apart as his lips latch onto that little bundle of nerves, alternating with delicious licks at your sensitive folds.

He practically smothers his face into your cunt as he continues his relentless assault on your clit. By the time Mingyu starts to tease his tongue along your entrance, your fingers have found their way into his unruly hair—moans falling from your lips with little concern about appearances.

Mingyu pulls away for a moment, and you nearly snap at him from that alone until he eases one of those thick fingers into your wet channel—dark eyes trained on you as he stretches you out with a hungry gaze.

You don't even feel any semblance of shame when you start to ride that single digit, wanting to feel him go deeper and spread you wider. Fortunately, your bodyguard is more attentive than you think, and it doesn't take long for him to ease another finger into your needy pussy, curling them just so once he's sure he's found that spot that'll render you an incoherent mess.

The sound he rips out of you is unholy and Mingyu growls again before his mouth finds its way back onto your cunt—getting lost in the taste of you on his tongue.

"Where's the fight you've been putting up against me all this time, princess?" he taunts just before those stupidly thick fingers graze that sensitive patch of flesh inside you again. "Are you that desperate? You've fucked yourself up so much tonight that you couldn't bring anyone back home. Your bodyguard's gonna have to do, huh?"

You know you should be affronted by how offensive his words are. Mingyu might be an expert at getting on your nerves, but with how good his fucking mouth feels as he laves at your cunt like a man starved, you can't even let yourself feel any modicum of annoyance.

"M-Mingyu," you gasp as he suckles on your clit again—steadily building your orgasm from the ground-up. "I'm gonna come, f-fuck!"

Three. Mingyu slides in three fingers at your admission, and you nearly cry with how wide he's stretching you out. This time, he switches from sucking at your clit to rapidly flicking his tongue against the sensitive pearl.

Your toes curl with oversensitivity, thighs nearly crushing his head as you frame the syllables of his name in another wanton moan. When Mingyu curls his fingers inside you one more time, the tension that's been building in your stomach snaps like a rubber band.

Once you teeter off the precarious edge of release, you feel a gush of slick surge out of your cunt and into his awaiting mouth. Mingyu laps it all up—his sinful tongue catching every drop of your tangy essence. If you didn't know better, you would think he's desperate for you as much as you are for him.

It takes a while for your mind to fully come back online after that first orgasm, chest heaving almost painfully with how Mingyu took your breath away with oral alone. When you finally have your wits about you, your bodyguard surges forward so that your faces are levelled, and you nearly groan when you see the way his mouth and chin glisten with your juices.

"So fucking delicious for me," he rasps. "Gonna let me have a taste of this pussy every time now, princess? Want my mouth on you before you sleep?

"Do whatever you want, Gyu," you mewl, tugging him closer as you position yourself horizontally on the couch. "N-Need you so bad."

He sighs, unbuttoning the rest of his dress shirt as he drinks in the sight of you all fucked out and compliant because of his mouth and fingers alone. Your lips are parted, eyes glistening with tears or desire—Mingyu can't say for sure just yet.

But if he can get you this wrecked from oral, he can't fucking wait to see what you'll look like after he gets you to cream on his cock.

His shirt falls to the floor and you can't contained the awed gasp that leaves you at the sight of him. He's built like a fucking sculpture—all lean muscle and hard toned abs. It would make sense for Mingyu to be this well-built, being your bodyguard and all, but the thought of having his body pressed against yours as he fucks you into the couch is sending your mind into overdrive.

"You're so adorable," he chuckles, but you know the words are anything but a compliment. "A moment ago you were challenging everything I said and did. Now you're suddenly an agreeable little thing. Are you that cock-hungry, princess? Want something to fill that pretty pussy?"

"Yes." You don't even hesitate. "Yes, yes, yes. Want your cock in me. Want you to fill me up, Gyu. Please..."

Fortunately for you, Mingyu isn't one to tease. The moment you've given him the green light to rearrange your insides, he steps out of his tight trousers and boxers at the same time, pumping his thick cock in one hand as he nudges your thighs apart once again.

You practically salivate at the thought that you're about to take all those delicious inches inside you. Mingyu doesn't miss the starry look on your face, but doesn't take the time to gloat about it. Instead, he leans all the way forward so that your thighs are squished against your chest—easing your legs across his shoulders in a position that's not so different from when he ate you out earlier.

"Gonna fuck the attitude out of you, princess," he promises before pressing a kiss on the corner of your mouth. "You ready for me?"

You nod a little too eagerly, forcing his face into the crook of your neck as you wrap your arms around his head. "Gyu, please..."

"Alright. Since you asked so nicely."

He doesn't even give any forewarning when he bottoms out inside you in one languid stroke. A choked up noise gets caught in your chest with how sudden he was, how full you feel in such a short amount of time, but Mingyu doesn't give you any time to think, or even to breathe.

Before you can even get a single word out, he's pulling his hips back—making you feel every inch of his thick cock before slamming his hips forward with a powerful thrust that drives you further into the sofa. You let out a long-winded moan, unable to do anything about it as he pounds into you with the vigor of someone who's been putting up with your shit for a better part of the year.

"Pussy's so fucking tight for me," he growls. "You're squeezing my cock so good, princess. Is this all I had to do so you'd stop driving me crazy? Eat you out a little and dick you down 'til you forget your name?"

You can't even process what he's saying right now—too lost in the sensation of his cockhead grazing your cervix with each forward stroke. He's reaching into you so deep that you might really just forget everything but the letters of Mingyu's name by the time he's done with you.

"M-Mingyu," you drawl dumbly as he peppers your neck with bites and bruises—unrelenting with his deep strokes as your cunt flutters around his length. "Fuck. L-Love your cock so much—oh!"

You let out a gasp that Mingyu quickly muffles with his own mouth as he adjusts your positions on the sofa—easing your legs off of his shoulders in exchange for spreading them wider on the cushions. How he manages to do that without his cock slipping out of you is a testament to your flexibility, and he's already cooking up what he'll do about that information for next time.

Mingyu continues kissing you all while he plants one foot on the couch and the other on the floor. When he tugs your hips even closer it's only then that you realize that the lunatic has you in a mating press.

"How long have you been thinking about me fucking you like this?" he whispers, deciding to drag it out with slow, deep thrusts that only serve to frustrate you. "You wouldn't have let me go this far if you hadn't thought about it at least once, princess."

I've wanted to fuck you since the old man introduced us, is the correct answer but you've still got some shred of dignity. If Mingyu wants the truth, he's going to have to work for it.

"Fuck me again after this, and I might give you an answer," you rasp, meeting his lazy thrusts with some of your own to get the point that you want him to ram into you across.

"There she is," Mingyu laughs. "My nasty, sharp-tongued princess. Thought I lost you for a sec."

"You will if you don't fuck me until I black out."

"Oh? All you had to do was ask, you know."

Then and there, Mingyu makes good of that interesting position he'd unknowingly lured you into—plunging that fat cock even deeper into your pussy if that's even possible. It felt heavenly, taking all of him while your legs dangled off his shoulders, but there's just something about having your legs spread impossibly wide as he drills into you with the full intention of making you come until you're crying that does it for you.

As each second passes, Mingyu's thrusts become more erratic—hips snapping with hard, calculated strokes so fucking good that tears are starting to glisten along the lines of your lashes like he promised.

You mewl his name like a string of prayers as the sound of your cunt squelching with every thrust rings in your ears. It's insane how close he's driven you to the edge in the span of thirty minutes, and you're starting to grow fearful of how addicting it feels to have him inside you like this.

At this point, you'd rather get off on Mingyu's cock than get high from some shady sativa joint. Something tells you he'd rather have that, too.

"Where do you want me, princess?" he whispers into your ear, reaching between your legs to give you just the right pressure you've been missing on your clit. You have to bite back a sob when he presses his thumb against it.

"Inside," you whimper as he continues plunging his engorged length into you. "Fill me with your cum, please, Gyu. I want it—want it so bad."

Mingyu hisses when you clench around his cock, large hands undoubtedly about to leave bruises on your thighs come morning. When you hear that deep, sexy laugh in your ear, you know it's all over for you.

"Come on my cock first, princess. Then I'll give you what you want."

He punctuates the words by drawing quick, tight circles on your clit all while keeping up the cadence of his thrusts. With the steady stream of stimulation he's so willing to give, it's a no-brainer for another orgasm to blindside you yet again.

You cry out with bliss as you screw your eyes shut—tears running down your cheeks in cascades as you fall apart on Mingyu's cock. He fucks into you despite the overstimulation, his own high not far behind because of the expression you're showing him.

"That's it," he rasps, leaning down to kiss the tears away. "Fucking cry for me, princess."

You're not sure if you're just too blissed out to comprehend it properly, but you're pretty sure that Mingyu just triggered another orgasm from you when you feel him twitch inside—your tight channel being covered in his white hot emission.

It doesn't help that your insatiable lover continues to fuck his cum deeper into your abused cunt, taking full advantage of this position while he can.

"M-Mingyu," you beg, fingers raking across his back as he punches the breath out of your lungs. "Too much. T-Too much."

You thought he wouldn't heed your words, but surprisingly, Mingyu halts every movement to gaze at you with a hint of concern lining his gaze. Wordlessly, he eases himself out of your sore cunt, wiping the tears off your eyes before pressing a kiss on your lips.

"Sorry," he murmurs before gently fixing the straps of your nightgown. He even tugs the hem down despite the fact that his cum is currently leaking out of you. "You want me to tuck you in?"

You nod, lacing your fingers around his neck, the overstimulated mess you are. Mingyu breathes out a quiet laugh before carrying you into his arms again.

"Alright, princess. Let's get you to bed."

You don't have the heart nor the energy to protest. Besides, it's his job to take care of you, after all.

⟢ end notes: reminder to not take any of the medical indications abt drugs that i included in this fic seriously. i made all of those up. oh and this should go w/o saying but don't fuck anyone while under the influence of anything AT ALL !!!

that aside, happy birthday to everyone's favorite puppy boy mingyu! i ended up loving him a lot more as i stanned svt, and i hope everyone else gives him the same love as well! god knows he has lots to give to both his members and his fans ueueue

++ if you spotted a few errors here and there, please don't tell me or i'll die of embarrassment ^_^ this wasn't proofread bcs i wanted to drop this exactly on his bday (i am 1 hour and 34 mins late!) HEHEHE i was sposed to write an ending scene in the morning where gyu wakes up and sees her wearing his shirt while making breakfast but that'll make this too long :| i'll just leave that to ur imagination!

[eeldritchblast]

Ethel's Vicious Mockery Analysis

(Major thanks to Aloija for the Dialog Parser and Roksik for doing the parsing, from the Down by the River Discord Server!)

I love when Ethel uses vicious mockery in the game, because I feel like it gives insight into the character’s insecurities, you know? So let’s further dissect that mockery.

WYLL

“Oh, look! It's daddy's regret.”

“Fraud of the Frontiers!”

“Do you think losing that eye made you a hero?”

Wyll wants to be seen as a hero so badly… and I’m starting to think that has a little something to do with daddy issues. This “daddy’s regret” line from Ethel, matched with one of Wyll’s desires when confronted by the secret laboratory mirror being his father’s forgiveness, certainly says there is something unresolved there…

GALE

“I can smell what's under those bandages, wizard. You're all rot and ruin.”

“Come to greet death early? You'll be a lovely spectacle.”

“Who would be jealous of you, apprentice?”

The first two aren’t anything new—we’re already aware of Gale’s condition after all. But why would Ethel call him an apprentice? Is he lying about how great a wizard he once was? Or maybe it’s just because he’s lost all his powers, and she’s teasing him about that.

SHADOWHEART

“You're so far up Shar's cake you can't see straight.”

“Why would Shar love you when no one else does?”

“You're no complex puzzle. Just a sad little girl.”

These to me, at least, speak of an undiscussed bubbling crisis of faith Shadowheart may be undergoing. And I am very interested in the second line above. Shadowheart is the type of person to keep everyone at arm’s length, and yet at the same time, it seems from this, desperately wants to be loved? That matches up with her “she took me in when no one else would” answer when asked why she became a worshipper of Shar in the first place. So it seems to me, like Shadowheart experiencing compassion from another person, possibly for the first time in her memory, is leading her to question her faith in Shar.

LAE’ZEL

“A toad with a tadpole! How fitting.”

“Your people will never take you back - illithid scum.”

“Do you miss kissing Vlaakith's feet, gith?”

Lae’zel’s biggest desire is to become kith’rak – we know this. But more to that, I think her biggest desire is to be accepted and revered by her people. Ethel saying that she will never achieve this is probably Lae’zel’s greatest fear.

ASTARION

“Is there still rat stuck in your teeth, slave?”

“Deep down, you like being leashed, don't you?”

“You're one thirsty night away from betraying everyone.”

Okay, okay, okay… the first two? Ethel just being a top tier bitch. But the last one… The last one suggests that Astarion actually does have some care for his travelling companions, if he’s concerned about hurting them. I think that brings a lot out of his character, because it confirms he’s not just a one-dimensional jerk. The glimpses of his nice side are just as genuine.

KARLACH

“Let's pull your strings, infernal puppet.”

“Happy to sell everyone's soul but your own, aren't you?”

“When I'm done, even the Hells won't want you.”

We don’t know a lot about Karlach, because she isn’t available as a companion in Early Access. But what little we do know, adds up with what Ethel says here. We know she was caught up in the Blood War as essentially a slave to Zariel. And judging from this mockery, it seems that’s left her with questioning self-worth.

[utilitycaster]

As a bit of a tangent to this excellent meta, once you acknowledge that this is the campaign, I think the cast has adapted quite well. There actually aren't a ton of major hanging threads outside the main plot that would feel unsatisfying were they not addressed. This also doesn't mean they won't be addressed! The way to great post-canon one-shots as we've seen with Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein are those smaller items; everything tied up neatly with a bow is the kiss of death. But currently, we stand as such:

Orym, Imogen, and Fearne's initial goals evolved into something entirely integrated with the Ruidus plot.

Ashton and Chetney have both addressed their main goals (find out what was up with the Hishari; find the Gorgynei). Both have minor threads they could pursue, but nothing pressing.

FCG similarly addressed most of their goals; more backstory items would have come out in this current trip to Aeor had they not died, much as Ashton's story was also woven into the larger plot as a crucial sidequest in preparation; presumably Braius was created with the understanding that he is a late-game character.

The only major unresolved point outside of the Rudius/Predathos/Vanguard plot is Delilah, and I would note that there's strong precedent for leaving a reduced but not entirely vanquished secondary villain for post-canon resolution, though it's also very possible she'll be dealt with during the course of the campaign.

A lot of the PC-driven stories in prior campaigns were generated from earlier PC-driven choices, and the structure of that campaign makes that less likely. This again isn't a problem - it's just a choice. It provides for some fun one-shot premises (what do we do about Chetney being hunted in Jrusar? What if we found Dorao? Do we want to go to Hishari and piece together precisely what happened, or is Ashton satisfied with what they've learned?) but nothing here is absolutely crucial to end C3 in a satisfying manner.

I'd also like to point out that one of the biggest plot hooks I myself pointed to late in the game of C2 was Molaesmyr, and while that does remain, the Mighty Nein cleaning up Molaesmyr would probably have destroyed the plot of C3 entirely! Sometimes a plot hook is left open for a reason, and especially since we don't know the nature of a Campaign 4 or if there will be one, unresolved threads that would be enticing to explore narratively are a very good sign.

[aihoshiino]

Hey, I don't know if you ever talked about this, but I was wondering how you think Ai felt/ delt with Aqua seemingly only ever calling her "Ai" and not "Mama" like Ruby.

(I'm not sure if he actually did call her Mama or Mom, when he was little because I've mostly followed the Oshi No Ko manga through youtube summarys and your blog, and didn't watch S2 yet so I'm sorry if I misunderstood/ missed something)

So Aqua never directly calls her "Mama" or "Mom" which, tbh, is one of the manga's biggest whiffs given how much of his and Ruby's shared arc is trying to unfuck their posthumous relationship with Ai. If the idea was just that he felt more bonded to Miyako as his mom because she raised him, I think that would be bittersweet but understandable but in terms of what's actually on the page it just feels kind of unresolved and a symptom of the manga's weird trend towards the ending of downplaying Ai's importance to the twins. BUT ANYWAY...

I think Ai was probably fine with it! Not that it wouldn't have made her incredibly, incredibly happy to hear Aqua call her that but something interesting about Ai is that she always seems very aware and considerate of Aqua's... boundaries, I guess you'd put it, and his reticence when it comes to being babied by her in the same way Ruby is. We never see her pushing him to do things he doesn't want and even in - SIGHS - the whole breastfeeding bit, she doesn't miss a beat when it comes to Aqua being more comfortable with the bottle (which is sometimes just a thing for regular babies!) and just seems to be offering out of habit because she's feeding Ruby that way. So she seemed pretty comfortable with sort of following Aqua and Ruby's lead when it came to navigating her individual relationships with them.

This is basically always been my interpretation from the word go, but it's also more or less how she puts it in the Da Vinci interview, even if only indirectly. Ai's never had healthy or loving motherhood modelled for her so she doesn't really know what a "perfect" mother-child relationship is supposed to look like. But as far as she's concerned, what it's "supposed" to be doesn't really matter at all so long as the children are happy and there's nothing she won't do to make that happen. If that means Aqua gets bottle fed and doesn't call her "Mama" and whatever other accommodations he might need, then that's a-okay by her.

[whateverisbeautiful]

I was curious about how you think a reunion will go with the group if we ever get one. I don't think Rick and Daryl's reunion should go that smoothly. Especially given the state of their relationship when Rick disappeared. I also wonder about Maggie and Michonne. Some fans like to bring up Negan but I hope the Grimes family never sees him again.

Thanks for asking about this. This one is interesting because there are a lot of in-show and behind-the-scenes factors that could impact which route the reunions take. I wrote out a few of my opinions on it below and somehow I still surprise myself that my thoughts are never super brief lol. ⬇️💗

If the reunion is just a single scene then I think the writers will want it to be positive vibes only and won't allow for them to address a lot of the unresolved history between the characters. I think Rick and Daryl's reunion will likely be smooth both because tptb would want to reinforce the fans' love for the brotherhood but also because Rick will feel like Daryl did something invaluable by watching over his kids while he and Michonne were away.

Knowing that his kids were able to be taken care of by a family member they love would mean a lot to Rick and probably make him feel more forgiving for how things played out between him and Daryl before he left. Especially if he gets the sense from Michonne that Daryl was one of the few people there for her after he was gone, that also would make Rick feel like they can put opposition aside because Daryl was there for his family.

I'm not saying the past should all be swept to the side tho or that Rick isn't the type that would want to address some things because especially watching him in season 9 before he left, he wasn't against calling things out. But I could see the franchise choosing to have a more kumbaya feel for the reunion if all they have is minimal screen time with the characters.

However, if at all they get a bit more screen time to reconnect then it would be nice and realistic to see some honest conversations about how they left off. Especially with Maggie.

Now the Maggie reunion with Rick and Michonne is one I could see being a bit more rocky. Because with Daryl, he and Rick got to at least hash some things out in that pit before Rick's departure and Daryl and Michonne were close and on good terms before she went to bring Rick home. (Honestly, Daryl and Michonne felt like closer confidantes than Rick and Daryl imo, since Rick and Daryl always read more like brothers than best friends to me, but that's a whole other conversation lol. Like pretty much all of season 8 and early season 9 Rick and Daryl's relationship was not in a good state. That's also why I'd be interested in seeing Michonne reunite with Daryl just as much as Rick since they always had a really solid loving friendship). But Maggie seemed to end on not the best of terms with both Rick and Michonne.

Like I could picture that when Rick was taken and having all that time alone to reflect, he probably felt like Maggie must really have strong issues with him if she decided she had to orchestrate a whole plan behind his back.

And then Maggie and Michonne also didn't seem to reconcile after Rick's departure to the point that when Maggie left she didn't let Michonne know. I'd be so curious what Michonne knows about that bridge day. If no one ever told her exactly how those events and schemes played out that day, I could see that being hurtful to now find out that part of why she had to go without her husband for years was because their friends were crafting plans behind their backs, especially when Rick was headed home himself and then got derailed when Daryl offered to take him home instead.

But it's also been a lot of years, and I think Rick and Michonne understand that growth can occur and so they won't hate or chastise people for what happened. I think they'd both be more focused on starting fresh and building a life with their kids. But some apologies from Daryl and Maggie would still be nice. Especially considering Maggie realized Rick and Michonne had it right that Negan being locked up was actually a fitting punishment and was killing him worse than actually killing him would have. Accountability is rare among certain characters, especially when the ones they've hurt are Rick and Michonne, but it still would feel necessary to include it if the story is given more than one scene for a reunion.

And as for Negan, I very much agree with you, anon. I personally have no desire for any of the Grimes family to be seen with Negan again. I've seen that some feel Rick has to see that Negan got 'redeemed,' but that wasn't even what Rick was aiming for. He kept Negan alive to honor Carl's vision but Negan wasn't thrown in a cell to one day get out and become a valued member of society. Rick intended for him to rot in that cell as a consequence of his many deplorable actions. So I could almost see it stinging a bit for Rick to see that Negan got to build a life all while Rick was taken from his life because his friends wanted to kill Negan and then didn't even end up going through with it.

I think Rick would be perfectly happy with him and his family never crossing paths with Negan again because Negan is important to some viewers but he is not on Rick's radar like that. Everyone Rick most needed to reunite with he already reunited with in TOWL. So if they do reunions with the rest of the group it could be interesting but also, like many have voiced before, team family sorta stopped feeling like a tight-knit family after a certain point. Not even in a condemning way because it happens, but they all started to do their own thing and build their own lives. I can think of a few characters that even left or pulled away while Rick was still around and was already content with not seeing him much or ever again.

And so I'm just glad that we already got to see Rick and Michonne reunite with each other and their kids since that's they're heart and these four are the ones who will be most involved in each other's everyday life now.

[who1ssheesh]

With every touch

Hot take: in contrary to a popular opinion, people do consider xanxus' scars ugly. not you though - with every touch you heal a broken man.

just a rambling about his scars without a plot idk

Warnings: kinda short but i put my soul in it; huge UNAPOLOGETIC OOC, i wanna see my man happy at least once; 100% wrong grammar, english is not my native; no beta we die like tyl tsuna

Note: they always portrait xanxus' scars as something hot, but there is probably a reason he doesn't like'em, huh? In short, not-so-popular opinion that people tend to be terrified of a huge man with ugly scars

Oh, that man...My battered, cruel man.

At first Xanxus was furious to even look at himself in the mirror. Every of them probably was shattered and he felt so too. Windows curtained, lights off - he avoided any possibility of seeing himself until Superbia had to beat some sense into his boss.

His father left him tainted, how could he? Always reminded being number two, number two, a nuisance, a mistake. A reminder of a ruined life that he can never fix.

Not only that, Xanxus started noticing that people...didn't like them, to say the least. Xanxus being Xanxus, he at some point likes it (coping? question mark?) since he enjoys to be feared and respected, you can't take that away from him, but he was still young and impressionable when he got them.

Like what, he got frozen at 16 and got rescued still having the same mentality? He was...not a child but not an adult either.

Civilians tend to side eye him. You don't have to be smart to know such scars are not an accident and he is not some fucking florist, y'know what I mean? It is a branding of a life he lives and the one that will kill him one day.

His whole body - and in every way too fucking visible place - deformed with the thick layer, it feels as if his skin was melting at some point. It's rough, harsh and bumpy to the touch but Xanxus couldn't give more shit since he can't even feel those.

He doesn't like to touch his face and not feel anything, cause scars are so fucking deep

And it is an ironic cycle - Xanxus gets angry at those scars, and they get bigger, and he gets even angrier-

He hates his father so much.

Oh yeah, for some reason we all consider Xanxus as a womanizer but hear me out he is very selective because he is proud to an unhealthy manner

He would fuck some annoying lesser boss' wife to humiliate him, fight me on this take

Probably tried to have several sugar babies and random one night stands

Tried

None of them mentioned it out loud but he could notice their...disgust? Xanxus would light like a match instantly - he is fucking Xanxus, how dare they?

how dare they remind him what a mistake he is?

Xanxus gets black-out drunk while cleaning his weapon way too much and considers this his life. Who needs feelings and others anyway?

His past shape him, so he will live at least out of spite. Every scar reminds him of why he was hated by a man he thought as a father - too furious, too dangerous, too ambitious.

So be it.

But then there is you...

Xanxus likes your cheeks. You could never tell that though, since he is very distant, but they are so...soft. Untouched. He will touch them rarely, covering with "you pig got some dirt on your face"

He will get furious if anyone dares to leave even the smallest scar on your body. And we're not talking about just angry but "blind rage" angry. He won't let you live through mafia experience the way he did. It can be even "ouch, he scratched me while trying to capture" - he doesn't care. Even this slight scar still has a memory of your capture left on you body

He knows you're strong even if you have never held a gun in your hand - that's why you're his in the first place. But man has some unresolved issues, m-kay?

But his hickeys and marks are okay. That little-little hypocrite.

They were left meaning his deepest emotions though, right?

The touch moment happens - surprise - not during sex. It's a random kiss in the cheek. It's when you cling to his arm as if it doesn't look like fresh from the meat grinder.

You touch his skin so softly as if this man is not forged through pain and blood

They say severe scar skin is so thick it cannot feel anything - and so thought Xanxus about himself - anymore, but why does he feel like he is burning every time you do that?

With every touch Xanxus melts

His past shapes him, he says. But doesn't define him, you add.

Every scar shows strength and is a reminder of how strong your man is. He is still here and - very gladly - keeps fighting (even when he shouldn't)

With every touch Xanxus melts until one day this huge man bends down to put his head on your shoulder, his scarred cheek touching yours.

He hugs you. And you kiss this very cheek, finding peace in his warmth and bitter - but oh so dear smell - of alcohol and gunpowder

[theocddiaries]

Sonic: So… when you say you're not going to freak out about the DVD, here's what that means. Don't fixate on it, don't wake me up in the middle of the night-- Shadow: You completely disregard how uncomfortable unresolved issues are for me. It's like, an itch in my brain I can't scratch. Sonic: When I broke my arm I used to stick a coat hanger down there. You ever try that? Maybe go in through the ear? Shadow: You wouldn't make jokes if you could feel the way I feel. Sonic: Well, I don't know how to do that. Shadow: How about this? I promise I won't pester you about the DVD, but until this matter is resolved, I would like you to wear this sweater. With nothing underneath it. Sonic: That's stupid. Why? Shadow: You say it's itchy and uncomfortable. I say situations like this make me feel the same way. Sonic: I'm telling you, try the hanger. Shadow: Put it on. Let's share the experience. Sonic [smugly]: You got it. If this sweater shuts you up, I'm gonna make a fortune selling them to everyone we know. [puts on the sweater]: Now all I need to do is head down to the video store and return the DVD. Shadow: Oh, did I forget to tell you? That store went out of business years ago. Sonic: …Really? Shadow: How’s your fortune-building going, bro? Sonic: … [THREE DAYS LATER] [Sonic comes in the attic, clearly in distress] Sonic: Okay, Shadow, I am out of options! Video store owner died, he has no next of kin! And I spent all afternoon at the Armenian church where his funeral mass was held. According to Father Solakian, no one attended. Luckily, my trip wasn't a complete waste. I lit a candle and prayed for your death. But I'm not Armenian, so it probably won't work! [gasps, out of breath]: This is over, right? Shadow: Oh, not necessarily. I suggest you look for long-lost relatives either in Armenia or Lebanon. Sonic [inhales sharply through the nose]: Listen to me, Shadow, I am not going to Lebanon to return Super Mario Bros. the movie! Shadow: It might be fun. You love hummus. Sonic [losing his mind]: Why isn't this bothering you? Isn't your brain getting itchy? This is on your card. This could be ruining your credit score! Why isn't this making you crazy? Shadow [looks at him for a moment]: Sonic. I have something to tell you, but I want you to promise not to flip out. Sonic: …What? Shadow: See, back in the day I found out the DVD was late and I paid for it. Sonic: …What? Shadow: I was going to mention it at the time, but then I thought, some day, this might be a teachable moment. Sonic [about to cry and at loss of words]: Ahh! But I…?! You…?! How…?! What?! [runs out the attic, screaming in the distance] Knuckles: …Shadow, that was diabolical. Shadow [smirking]: I know.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Regarding Daniel’s vampire eyes: The boring and even frustrating - but what I think is the most likely - reason for Daniel’s vampire eyes 1) being revealed as they were and 2) being the same color as Armand’s - is probably…

1. That they came up with a more fun/in-character reveal with the sunglasses for Daniel after the script was written. And that due to this ”new reveal” Daniel’s eyes were meant to look ‘normal’ through his shaded glasses (the glas in the glasses working as colored contacts) and then his vampire eyes were going to be dramatically revealed as he took them off. But when they looked back at it during editing, they wanted to make it clearer (or more visually dramatic) that his eye color was different, so they used ”movie magic” to make Daniel’s eyes appear his ”normal” blue/green for a second longer than they should have - making the change more evident (and dramatic!). Alternatively possibly EB struggled with the colored contacts (I think some people are allergic?) and it was all movie magic - and a goof. However I don’t find this latter scenario very plausible, EB put out a photo of his new colored contacts expressing excitement about wearing them. I’m pretty sure the decision was motivated by the wish too make the reveal as visually interesting as possible, which is a bit annoying since it doesn’t make any sense lore-wise.

2. Regarding the color - the script specifics that they are yellow right? Possibly Rolin’s simply chose yellow since that is a strong color, which would have differentiated Daniel from the rest of the main vampires (at the writing stage at least)? But then Santiago’s eyes (and Madeleine’s I think?) ended up being yellow - and/or yellow simply didn’t look good on EB/Daniel - so they went with something else. I’m pretty relieved they didn’t go with yellow, but it frustrates me that EVERY vampire(?) except Louis and Lestat have yellow or red. It is a bit uninspired, and dull, no? I also know a lot of Daniel fans want his eyes to be violet (like in the books), which definitely might have been better. Possibly violet might have ended up looking too strange though… Louis’ and Lestat’s vampiric eyes are still an unworldly version of ”normal” colors. And the same is basically true for Armand and Claudia. I don’t know, I kinda like vampire Daniel’s eye color but I feel a bit annoyed at the overuse of yellow/red - and the reveal in which Daniel’s eye color definitely changes - for seemingly no real reason - is a bit annoying if it is just a one-off. Would have been more interesting with a dark green possibly or violet/purple.

I don’t think Daniel has been body-snatched by Raglan here simply because Daniel is too much himself - if that makes sense? I don’t think Raglan could act so much like him. I’m convinced Daniel was changed in Dubai as well, which would not really give Raglan an opportunity to steal his body before Armand turned him. However to be fair - there is the unresolved plot of the ’reciprocation’… But in the teaser for S3 I also find it hard to believe that it isn’t the real Daniel we are hearing. And I don’t think the S3 teaser takes place before Daniel’s telepathic phone call with Louis. He is pitching writing another book there - and I’m pretty sure he went to do a documentary with Lestat after doing that, not before. What do you think about all of this? What is the most likely motivation do you think? Thank you!

Hey!

Sooo... first off, I don't think Daniel has been body snatched either. But he might be willing to... "host", let's put it that way. Because, yes, what exactly is "reciprocation" :))) But if he is we'll likely only hear about it much later.

As per your theories:

Maybe. Maybe they just thought it cool. Absolutely possible. If so I want to shake my proverbial fist at them :)))

Yeah, but... no. I mean.... Louis and Lestat, yes, and Marius, and Gabrielle, and so on. They won't give them yellow eyes either. Of that I'm fairly sure.^^ And if that is the case then why did they not give Daniel "his" color? It just doesn't make sense to me. Daniel is one of the few characters that have a very specific book canon eye color. The eyes are not described for every character. His are. I just don't see him with yellow, tbh. They must have a reason for that. *shrugs* Else they could have done Louis' yellow as well.

Ahhh, it's an... unsolvable mystery right now^^. Do come back and discuss it with me again when we know?^^

[nonny-nonny-anon]

[I'll be ooc for this in case some aren't familiar with my writing style.

TLDR; I'll be taking a break from Nonny for who knows how long because I'm not up to mentally and emotionally RP safely as Nonny right now. Or in general really. This isn't a call out post, don't go after anyone out of any self conceived notion of righteousness. I don't care if people shit on me though, just don't go after others.

What happened last night has honestly taken the rest of the wind out of my sails. I don't know if the mun the other anon actually did block this blog or not so I don't know if your side of fight was in character for you. Please know that my taking of a break isn't your fault, it's just something that's been building up for me irl side.

As a side note, as much as 'it's a public post' and 'anyone can interact with you' is real, please be aware that interacting is a two way street and the blame for any fights usually doesn't solely lie at any one person's feet. It's easy to forget, but the words one so easily puts onto the the internet does have real world effects. What really got to me though was the response that the other party had upon seeing Nonny's reaction. It was disheartening. Have I taken that out of proportion too? Maybe, but to me personally it's disparaging.

I'll admit that I did get heated during the three paragraph response, but that was still in character as Nonny does have a lot unresolved issues that, admittedly, come from a lot of my personal experiences. For that I'll apologize for because I should have separated my feelings from Nonny as a whole, but I won't apologize for keeping it going. By the time I got explaining my side of the things I'm pretty sure it was obvious that I, as Nonny, was already done with the fight and just wanted it over and done with. I, as mun, was already way past done by that point and was replying out of courtesy, but that doesn't really matter anyways.

Am I 'creating a situation' out of it again? Probably, but I'm also curating my own experience and I'll be doing that by taking a break. Call me sensitive, vindictive, a bitch, pathetic, or whatever else but I just wanted to get this out here and be known. Yesterday was just a bad day for me and that fight hit very close to home for me. Seeing that now, I want to take some time away from all of this since RPing is starting to weigh on me instead of being fun anymore.

I'll be taking a break because doing this whole RP with you all was fun. Was. After this whole thing with all of your guys' arcs and then that fight, as well as being a bad time of the year for my family, I won't be able to put the effort and care into this as much as I used to if I kept going. I know my limits and I can tell that I'm starting to get to the end of my rope so I've actually been looking for an excuse to cut down on a lot of stress while I still can and that whole thing gave me the perfect excuse to put Nonny away for awhile.

Anyways, I'll be taking a break from this blog. I don't know when I'll be back, could be inbetween tomorrow, days, months, or even never. Nonny will come back in blog form whenever I feel like I can safely do RP again mentally and emotionally. For anyone worried about my mental, don't. This just happens from time to time and like I said, yesterday was just a bad day for me and I shouldn't have been doing RP to begin with. My dms and ask box will still be open and answered.]

[cowboylikeyouu]

avengers interstellar AU

since i've seen it in theaters last night i can't stop thinking about writing an avengers/winterhawk interstellar AU and i feel like it's eating me from the inside, so i'm just gonna throw all my ideas at you. spoiler warnings for interstellar and a fanfiction i'll probably never write (having some interstellar knowledge is recommend lol i'm not explaining any of the movie aspects)

it's not gonna be as angsty as actual interstellar bc i can't do main character death for the life of me, i'm gonna ignore a lot of science bc i'm stupid and it's gonna be heavily winterhawk focused bc i'm insufferable, but here we go:

the world is ending and has been for years due to the blight and everything, yap yap yap you know the deal. the avengers basically just were a team of super talented scientists and engineers and test pilots, doing a lot of research for years and also dealing with some international shit or smth idk and it doesn't really matter. the team doesn't exist anymore bc they're not needed anymore, with food becoming the most dominant problem and everything, again, yk the deal. so most of them decide to retire from shield/nasa work and become farmers/etc.

nasa is doing the lazarus missions tho, and who volunteers? 10 people who don't really matter to the story (just like in the movie), steve (bc he's steve goddamn, ofc he's gonna volunteer to go on a suicide mission to possibly save humanity) and nat (bc she's rational, + she knows clint's probably gonna settle down with bucky somewhere (they've been in that "we fuck and spend almost every minute together, and we're so obviously in love but too scared to talk about it" stage for years), so she knows she won't be needed anymore bla bla)

clint's devastated about nat leaving, but she's like "enjoy your time as a farmer and when fury asks you to travel through spacetime to rescue us in a decade, you better be married to bucky's ass, idiot".

bucky's angry with steve for leaving but not surprised, and he's like "don't you dare die out there or i will walk through that goddamn wormhole just to kill you again"

tony's super pissy with steve for leaving, but doesn't show up to say goodbye or anything bc they're not really on speaking terms (they had an affair that was obviously much more than that during the period when tony and pepper had broken up, but then something civil war-like happened, and they're still angry at each other bc of that, and now tony's with pepper again, but there's obviously still a lot of unresolved stuff going on between them ykyk.

regarding steve & bucky: pretty sure i'll make them both the same age as everyone else, so no "frozen/held captive by hydra for 70 year" business, but i still need them to be supersoldiers. so maybe steve still volunteered for the experiment, and maybe he even became some kind of captain america (but an astronaut-version of him???), and bucky still got the not-so-good super-serum thingy and was held captive by hydra, but "only" for a couple of years, before he was rescued and joined the avengers.

again, all of that's not that important, the only relevant thing is that bucky got the serum and that it slows his aging process significantly.

whoo, lots of exposition sorry. that was basically just the prologue.

fast forward, 6-10 years, idk. pepper and tony had morgan, but pepper died of cancer (and i HATE nothing more than killing of a woman for an mlm ship, but seeing as cooper's wife in interstellar died as well, forcing him to leave behind his kids without a mom, i think it's a valid plot point for once). clint took bucky with him to his parent's old farm, they had peaceful couple of years, both recovering from trauma yap yap yap, they're happy alright (and officially together bc this is NOT a winterhawk slowburn).

then they all get a call form fury tho, being like "hey guys, sooo steve's, nat's and [random third character's] worlds look promising, wanna travel through the wormhole and check those planets out lolol???", and they obviously don't want to, but they all knew that day would come, so clint, bucky, tony and someone else (haven't decided who, bc that person's gonna be the one who dies on the water-planet thingy close to gargantua, so that's a hard decision to make) become the endurance team and set off into space.

and here's the thing: tony's on the mission bc he wants to save the life of morgan and especially her potential future kids and OFC bc he has a tiny hope of seeing steve again. clint's on the mission bc with bucky on the ship as well, there's nothing keeping him on earth, + the tiny chance of seeing nat again. bucky's on the mission for all of those reasons, but there's another factor for him, and that's time dilation.

he's a couple of years older than clint, but due to his slow aging, their body's are pretty much at the same stage already if u know what i mean, and while clint's relatively chill about it bc "hey man, you still gonna look sexy as fuck when i'm a bald old man, i'm so lucky", bucky's freaking out over it.

he's well aware of the time dilation caused by gargantua, so his plan is to be the one to stay behind on the ship while the others fly down to the planet on its horizon, and to NOT put himself into hypersleep for all these years, so that when clint and the others come back, he's gonna have a few physical years on clint again. his thought process is kinda like "i'd rather spent 20 years alone on a spaceship with the knowledge that clint is probably alive and i will see him again, than to watch him die of old age and keep living on my own for another 50 years". it's kinda stupid, but that's love for you guys.

so yeah, they travel through the wormhole, clint, tony, and [random fourth character] go down to the planet on gargantua's horizon, clint's convinced bucky's just gonna sleep for 7 years bc that's what sane people do, [random fourth character] dies, tony and clint have to stay down there an hour longer due to the water damage on the ranger, yap yap you know the deal, they go up again and BOOM: they've been gone for 23 years and bucky spent all those years alone and awake and looks 10 years older than before they left. many emotions for both of them "fuck yes clint, you're alive, i fucking missed human contact", and "jesus christ bucky you put yourself through this for me and" and "JESUS CHRIST bucky you put yourself through this FOR ME?????"

anyways, next stop is steve's planet. good news: steve's alive, bad news: the planet isn't a suitable candidate for a new world. the obvious new plan is to go check out nat's world bc it's quite literally their last chance. tony - now that they already "wasted" 25 years on this mission and found steve alive - really just wants to go back to earth tho and see morgan again. he knows that clint and bucky won't agree to that tho, so he kinda manipulates steve into getting on a ranger and flying up to the endurance again, leaving clint and bucky behind on steve's planet. don't be too angry with him, he just wants to see his daughter again, alright :,)

neither steve nor tony are exceptional pilots tho, (that's clint's fucking job), so they don't manage the docking process. bc this isn't a main character death angst fic, they don't die in an explosion like dr. mann did in interstellar, they just cause the endurance to spin rapidly, and then kinda float next to it in their ranger being like "well shit". clint and bucky come in with steve's old lander to save the day, and clint manages to dock onto the spinning spaceship (like cooper does in the movie) and stops it, and then talks tony and steve through the docking process on another point of the ship (the endurance, the rangers, and the landers all work the way i want and need them too btw, idc about accuracy when it comes to this kinda shit lol i just want them all to survive)

when they're all safe on the ship again, they talk it through. the endurance + 1 lander HAVE to go to nat's planet, it's the point of the entire mission, but clint's a self-sacrificing idiot, so obviously he wants tony and steve to have a chance of going back to earth. they load up on lander with enough fuel to take steve and tony back through the wormhole (they're not sure if the lander can withstand it, but it's the only way), from where it should be possibly to contact earth again, so that someone could get them.

clint tells bucky that they have enough resources and enough fuel to get them both to nat's planet safely, which is a lie, but bucky trusts him bc they're in love, man.

clint does the iconic slingshot-around-gargantua-or-whatever manoeuvre to give the endurance the boost it needs to reach nat's planet, and he also does the iconic "yeah, i'm just gonna load up one of the rangers with one of the robots (the robots are FRIDAY and JARVIS btw) and let it fall into black hole to hopefully gather some data, but then i also let myself fall into it without telling you beforehand" move, bc they need to lose the weight and there aren't enough resources for both of them.

he's like "this is paypack for your aging dick move, say hello to nat for me" and then he's gone. ouch.

then there's the whole black hole shit, with the 4th dimension tesseract and the data from the black hole that i don't really give a shit about rn tbh lol. the "solving the gravitation equation" problem won't be a huge part of the plot anyways, bc yes, it's an important factor to this story's universe in general, but i really just wanna focus on bucky and clint in the fic, so idc. it's all kinda happening in the background.

clint sends the data to earth in morse code like cooper does in the movie - tho idk yet if he sends it to a now much older morgan, or peter parker (who's kinda tony's mentally adopted son btw) or directly to tony, who made it back to earth safely. idk. like i said, doesn't really matter. the tesseract collapses, clint's gets picked up by stark station that they were able to build bc of the data he send them, all is well.

his slingshot manoeuvre around gargantua did cause another time dilation ofc (idk if i'd make it 60+ years like in the movie tho), so maybe tony's already dead when clint gets picked up by the station. due to slowed down super soldier aging steve's still alive and well tho, and they have a little chit chat where steve's like "go find bucky, clint, there's nothing keeping you here" and when clint tells him he should join him, steve's like "i'll follow, we all will at some point, but i promised tony to look after morgan" (who's older than steve at this point).

so clint steals a ranger (they're advanced by now, but not 100% cleared to do interstellar travel yet, but this is clint we're talking about and cooper literally did the exact same thing in the movie) and sets off to nat's planet.

it takes him a few years, but he gets there, and bc i'm a soft soft softie, OF COURSE both nat and bucky are still alive, already raising the first generation of the new colony (bc they obviously didn't know if they solved the equation after all). i'm not entirely sure how plan b in interstellar war supposed to work, like who would carry & birth the first generation?? but bc of the fact that they only put one woman on the mission, i'll just go with "they have artificial wombs" :D

and now they'll just chill there until the rest of old humanity joins them.

and idk, the thought of bucky and clint being adam and adam of a new humanity for a few years (bc nat puts herself into hypersleep on a regular basis being like "i cant deal with you two idiots for too long, i'm gonna sleep 'til these babies are grown-ups so that i can actually have some good conversations") just really does it for me lmao.

and they all lived happily ever after.

okay this was a long one, sorry, nobody's gonna read this post anyway lmao. i just needed to get it all out of my head bc i'm still not sure if i actually wanna write it or not. i feel a lot better now tho, maybe my head won't explode bc of this idea tonight.

[fsfghgee]

@antisdonotinteract

(This is all from my perspective and opinions. So, it's not canon but more of what I think. Feel free to disagree! Excuse grammatical error. It was not proof read 😅)

Sometimes I feel like bi-han doesn't exactly hate Tomas. He, himself is afraid to have admit to like Tomas because he thinks that being attached to someone indicates that he'll have a soft spot for them so when he'll lose them, it'll shatter him deeply. Like how kuai Liang was with hirumi, in a way. I feel like Bi han's mindset is that, if he pushed everyone away, he won't have to deal with the grief of losing someone and plus, he needs to be harsh and cold no matter what. Let's not forget that Bi han is a grandmaster, a ruler. No ruler would soft spot can make it out alive in the battle and war. History proves that so bi han is just doing everything to be a good leader to their clan. He's methods are extremely harsh, he is harsh. That's how he got so far up anyways. So he took any chance that indicates the best for his clan. Even if it meant to work with the sorcerer, shang tsung. Sure, he might be greedy or selfish or whatever but I don't think what he did was necessarily from his own wish/emotions but what's best for the clan. Despite him hating their father, he still ended up doing that one thing his father would've wanted which is to rule the clan to success. When their father brought Tomas in as a empathetic way because he was the reason why Tomas's family is dead in the first place, Bi han hated having another competitor. He's already competing with kuai Liang for the role of grandmaster so having some random kid in made it even bothersome for him. Like you said, they probably met when they were teenagers and by then, bi han probably made the mentality of showing emotions as being weak and what not. Basically toxic masculine mindset. Cause I feel like if they met when they were kids, Bi Han would mostly treat Tomas similar to kuai Liang. But since he didn't have any bonds with Tomas since they were kids, he didn't want to just accept someone in. Not only was it dangerous (because chances of Tomas betraying could be high since for the elder god's sake, his father literally killed tomas's family. It's expected if he held a grudge until he knew the lin kuei's secrets to then use it against them.). But with how isolated Bi Han made sure to make himself, it's only expected he wouldn't see Tomas as anything important to him. But deep down, in the feelings and emotions he keeps locked up, he probably cares about Tomas. He just doesn't wanna accept it because he probably hates looking weak. He thinks emotions are probably weak. So he probably doesn't even let himself think through his emotions, just constantly being cold and isolating to not do what he might desire but to do what will end up not leading them killed. In a way, Bi Han absolutely has his own sets of unresolved problems that he most likely doesn't even know nor care about. (Like, therapy? What's that? Absolute nonsense). Very much like an Asian culture mindset. So, yes, I do think Bi Han cares for Tomas as much, he just doesn't want to accept it, because of his own reasons. I'm not saying because he is FORCED to like Tomas. I'm saying because Tomas definitely seemed to idolize Bi Han, therefore do things that would get his attention or something that would Bi Han be proud of and that probably flattered Bi Han, which he'll never admit. Because with the role of grandmaster, of course his loyal servers are gonna be appreciated. 

He says the line "Your blood is not Lin kuei" in a way to "Don't come close to my feelings, I cannot accept them nor can I accept you. I'm doing this so I can lead a successful clan. I cannot allow myself to have emotions like you and kuai Liang as it'll weaken me."

I won't be surprised if all of his "Your blood is not Lin kuei" or any insult against Tomas had more meanings behind them, that Bi Han doesn't want to reveal. He pushes people away, especially Tomas, far away for the sake of not feeling anything.

And I'm not leaving Tomas to be some weak emotional baby. Just because he's nicer than the others does not mean he's not ruthless. Look at his brutalities for elder gods sake, they're extremely harsh- but he sure does remind me of a hunting dog after it happily killed it's prey. Tomas has a backstory of hunting, obviously he'll know how to kill things. He's probably also proud of his kills, infact. I can imagine him being super happy after his prey was dead. In perspective of a hunting dog, that is. He'll probably feel bad about it but he's used to killing so he's aware that he can't put his feelings over it or otherwise, it'll end him getting him killed instead. It's a "Kill or be killed" world out there. He probably doesn't only idolize Bi Han because he's the eldest, or a grandmaster. But because of how strong Bi Han is (we all know Bi Han had so much potential, whatever route they wanted to put him, good or evil but they absolutely nerfed him. They didn't put as much effort with him as much as I would've wanted and brushed him off in a way.). And Tomas being a hunter, he'll obviously look up to the person who's stronger than him and can easily kill. Like a small cub watching and learning from their parents to kill and grow stronger. Hunter dog mindset. And especially since Tomas seemed to really like his family and they seemed loving, he'll only be used to that. What life he lived as a child is what that'll destine him to grow up as so seeing his parents and siblings like that, strong and cool, Bi Han was definitely a role model for him like that. Maybe I'm looking to deep into this but I'm the scenes where Tomas needs to act "tough and commanding", he seems to put on his best act that resembled Bi Han. Basically watching and learning and doing what his role model does. Which is why when he's with his brothers, he'd often just stay quiet and observe, occasionally asking something's but barely much, taking in on how they handle situations and if it works well, he'll act like that too. But when he's alone and needs to lead, he'll use all the information he's observed from his brothers and do that. Tomas probably acknowledges he's feelings, which is exactly why his admiration for Bi Han exists. They both might not have the same mindset, but they both care about each other wither the one wants to accept it or not. I'm not putting Tomas as some sort of shadow or weak, I'm just describing that Tomas does what he's taught to rather than what Bi Han does.

Ps; I can honestly imagine Tomas fanboying over Bi Han in his head, when he idolized him and do things to impress Bi Han to get his attention (because he wants some love too!)

.

........

It's a shame that Tumblr asks can't handle long ones, but it's fine. I'll answer anyway. I really don't know how I can add here. I totally agree with u and I'm glad you want to share your thoughts with me!

As I said several times here, I don't see any hate from Bi-Han when he is talking to Tomas. Not because of ship, I really dont see anything. Feels like to me that some people are just projecting their feelings onto him...

They don't like the way Bi-Han talks to Tomas, so they will make Bi-Han look like a monster (like Bi-Han would beat Tomas up, cruelly mistreat him, etc) and Tomas a miserable and helpless man. Also, I've noticed people who is just painting Bi-Han like a real cruel man just to make KuaiScorp look good and some kinda hero who save Tomas whatever he needs. And I particularly dislike these kinda concepts because they are far from reality...

KuaiScorp and Tomas can be close now, but Tomas precisely said that he is loyal to him only because he is doing what Tomas was taught by his adoptive father be the "right thing". And KuaiScorp didn't do anything when Bi-Han was being harsh to Tomas, I really doubt that he used to defend Tomas from Bi-Han. Especially because he was pretty close to Bi-Han, as himself said to Liu Kang and Mileena indirectly.

Bi-Han was cold to Tomas (Tomas said it) and I can imagine Bi-Han being harsh with him indeed ("your blood is not Lin Kuei" thing and bla bla), but he is trying to make him see his point ("I've gained Lin Kuei's freedom" and such) and don't really wanna hurt him as he is warning him to not stand in his way in two different dialogues.

He likes Tomas. He is a Lin Kuei to him. Not his brother (which never was and Bi-Han knows. It's fair to assume that Bi-Han even knows that his brother was always a cryomancer like himself to this point) and if Tomas didn't talk about his adoptive father all the time they wouldn't be arguing on the story mode at all.

Bi-Han hates his father, not Tomas. And he is mad at him and Kuai because of their "betrayal situation".

He's the Lin Kuei's Grandmaster. Of course, he would lord it over anyone who try to defy his authority. I honestly don't see why he should bend his head and say amen to Tomas or Kuai non-stop talking about father or Liu Kang or anyone. He even said to Liu Kang just let him be (and his clan) if he wants peace. Like, he doesn't wanna fight against Kuai or Tomas. He is just trying to lead his clan to whats best. Obey for obey is not a subzero (or even noob) thing, anyway.

Idolize someone is not a small thing. So, yeah, I really doubt that Bi-Han was such a horrible person to Tomas like some people claim...

Harsh, yes.

Unloving, yeah~.

Disdainful, much probably. And that's it.

He definitely cares about Tomas and would prefer him by his side than be fighting against him.

By the way, I had a fun time imagining Tomas trying to impress Bi-Han thanks to u! haha ^^

Thank u.

[pascaloverx]

Invisible Bonds: The Power of Destiny

Author's Note: This fanfic contains possible strong language and explores themes of unconventional love. The relationship between the protagonists will be handled with sensitivity, without explicit scenes. If there are explicit scenes, readers will be warned. This fanfic focuses on the reader's relationship with Jungkook and Taehyung, separately.

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Chapter Eleven

In the first moment, you're unsure how to react, realizing that Jungkook won't let go of your hand. Your eyes are fixed on him, as if you want to convey to him to step back. However, he seems unwilling to let you go. You wonder why he still wants to be close to you, especially since he ended your connection.

"Let me go, Jungkook. Go back to your party, and do me a favor by keeping the volume down. I don't want to involve the police in this." You speak firmly, pulling your hand away from his. Unsuccessful, you huff, looking at Jungkook with an angry glare as he watches you with a smile.

"I thought our thing would be over once the call ended, but it seems you and I have a lot of unresolved tension." Jungkook says, getting closer to you. He stares at you face to face, as if trying to provoke you.

"You think this is tension? I'll show you what tension is." You say seconds before stomping on Jungkook's foot with all your strength. The pained groan he lets out almost makes you feel sorry for him. However, you quickly manage to break free from him and open the door to your apartment. Unfortunately, he manages to recover in time to enter in your apartment with you.

"That was unnecessary." He murmurs while he looks at you with a victorious expression, even though he appears to be in pain. You look at him indignantly at his audacity.

"As if you know what is necessary or not. You just barged into my apartment uninvited. After proving to be a..." You pause for a few seconds, contemplating how to describe Jungkook in the moment.

"Being an adult and single man? Sorry if our connection misled you, but we're not married." He says very clearly. You can't deny that realizing you probably only meant something to him while you were connected hurts a bit. But he's right, at least in that part.

"That doesn't give you the right to be intrusive. If you want to party, hook up with others, or whatever the hell, that's not my problem. But this loud music in the middle of the night, while I'm trying to sleep to go to work early, is something I can and will complain about." Your gaze locks with Jungkook's as if you're ready to shut down any of his arguments.

"Are you sure that's what bothers you? Isn't it the fact that I moved on? Or that I ended what we had between us?" Jungkook retorts, smiling smugly at you.

"Don't make me laugh. There was never anything between us for you to end. We just fooled ourselves for a few days, but the truth is, we never had anything." You look at him seriously while resisting the urge to kiss him. It seems that your connection still has some effects on you.

"If that's the case, why do you still want me? Why do you want to be near me, to the point of crashing my party?" He speaks in a condescending tone. You then approach him, as if wanting to make him realize that he invaded your apartment as well.

"Screw you, Jungkook. I didn't go to your party looking for you. I went looking for peace, for the chance of having a good night's sleep. Can't you see that you came after me too? And why would I ruin the party of someone who already means nothing to me?" You smile as you see Jungkook seeming to realize the situation. In the end, both of you end up being as foolish as the other.

"Why don't you try facing reality, princess? You and I like each other, with or without the connection. The difference is, without the connection, we're allowed to like other people too." He speaks, staring at you, surprising you with his words.

"Are you telling me that you ended our connection to like other people?" You're almost speechless. Deep down, you always thought he gave up on you because of your closeness with Taehyung.

"I wasn't born to be tied to one person, Y/N. The expectations, responsibilities, and duties of a committed person don't appeal to me." Jungkook speaks with a confidence that almost makes you want to laugh in his face. So in the universe, precisely a man with commitment issues became your soulmate?

"I have to thank you. If you weren't so self-centered and selfish, I would actually be stuck with my worst nightmare. Thank you for freeing me from you." you say, getting very close to him, as if wanting to make your feelings clear. A slight mischievous smile appears on Jungkook's face, leaving you puzzled.

"You should thank me for freeing you from responsibility. You don't want to be only with me, and I know it. I'll even accept it. I made it possible for you to be with Taehyung without feeling guilty." You don't know how to react to what he's saying. In reality, it's hard for you to concentrate on what he's saying while he's so close. You're seconds away from getting lost in Jungkook's gaze.

"You must think I'm foolish. Do you think I don't know that you did this so you could be with anyone without worrying about me?" You speak, trying to compose yourself, taking a step back while attempting to appear confident.

"The only person I want to be with right now is you. Even if you hardly believe that." Your eyes meet, as if for a moment, all the tension between you two becomes immeasurable.

"You're right about that. I don't believe anything you're saying..." You say it almost in a whisper, trying not to lose your train of thought, but it's too late. Surprising both of you, you end up kissing Jungkook. Without a concrete explanation, your body approached his, and your lips moved toward his. A very brief kiss. You kiss him as if kissing a forbidden fruit. But quickly, you pull back from the kiss you initiated. It's as if you're waiting for his reaction to figure out what to do next.

"You say one thing and do another. Your luck is that your madness makes me extremely excited." Jungkook says, kissing you with more intensity. It seems like he's wanting to lose himself in you, or maybe even find himself in you. You reciprocate the kiss, feeling butterflies in your stomach. It's as if it makes you feel alive, even though you know that you and Jungkook definitely aren't right for each other.

Unfortunately, you're interrupted by a female voice knocking on the door, yelling for Jungkook — you then feel like the world is calling you back to reality. You step away from Jungkook, feeling awkward, while he seems a bit regretful. You just don't know if he regrets the kiss or his party.

"I believe that's your irresponsibilities calling you. After all, you weren't born to be tied to anyone." You say, a mix of sarcasm and a hint of bitterness in your voice. Jungkook seems hesitant, unsure if he should stay or leave. When the woman yells again, he decides to leave your apartment. Without saying anything, he just looks at you, as if wanting to convey something. You then decide to go lie down, even though you might not be able to sleep due to the noise and the fact that you kissed Jungkook after spending the night with Taehyung. You have no idea what this means emotionally for you.

[bikananjarrus]

i am processing my feelings about the fallen star. some very spoilery thoughts under the cut!

first things first, the obvious: stellan. beautiful, beloved stellan 😭 

full disclosure, despite doing my best to avoid spoilers, i did see a spoiler that he died in this book. so i spent most of the rising storm and all of this book knowing that (though i was hard core in denial and it didn't really sink in until halfway through this book lol). so even though i knew it was coming, it was still so hard to read. 

him sensing that elzar was in trouble and going to back him up ("he would not leave his friend to suffer as Stellan himself had suffered, alone...'i intend to be with him'") and knowing that he would go down there and probably wouldn't make it off the station, and to boot, promising elzar "we'll be right behind you"..... i'm in pain. 

but stellan making a big heroic sacrifice is along the lines of how i thought he would die; it makes sense for him. and him finally coming to understand what the force means to him, how he fits into it, not just thinking how he's "supposed" to think as part of the Order, the book was building to that and it was really wonderful to see him feel strong and confident in himself and the force again. 

also the "the last thing he'd ever do, he'd done right." i'm so distraught. and going from him spending so much of the book afraid and weighed down to "Stellan felt no fear. The firmament of the night sky shone no less brightly when one small star went dark" weeping and wailing and breaking down about it tbh. 

(i also have SO much to say about stellan elzar and avar as a constellation, and all of that, so that will be a separate post probably. like i won't be shutting up about the firebrands any time soon, i can promise that)

"My polestar, Elzar thought, and my song. They're with me now, whether they know it or not" yeah i need like 5-10 business days or months to recover from this....

when the bottom half of starlight crashed into the sea and elzar sensed the last few people on board dying along with it, but not realizing that stellan was one of those people bc he thought stellan had gotten off the station. he thought stellan was SAFE. i'm so fucking upset, i will simply NEVER RECOVER

and compare that to elzar and avar's reunion and their hug and elzar knowing that she was alive, because she had to be.... and in his heart, of course stellan made it off starlight, because he had to, right? 

but then, THEN, Forfive finding them and saying that stellan gifted him back to elzar and then PULLED OUT STELLAN'S LIGHTSABER. that broke me. that broke me SO BAD. (something something "this weapon is your life" or whatever).

elzar using the dark side (or at the very least, letting dark side emotions fuel his actions for a brief moment) when he killed chancey, did NOT anticipate that. that was....oof. also putting it out there that while i know elzar blames himself for stellan's death (bc maybe if he hadn't killed chancey, stellan could've survived, etc.) but i don't blame elzar for stellan's death. something else could've gone wrong down there, even if chancey had lived! like was it wrong for elzar to pull his lightsaber first, ask questions later - yes. but he saw what he perceived as a threat (and the nihil have been a long-standing threat, that haven't proved themselves to be anything but) and took action. he had no idea what kind of consequences those actions would bring - he didn't know. it's not elzar's fault, and stellan knew (and likely sensed that his end was coming) what kind of danger he was putting himself in by going down there, and decided to go be by elzar's side anyway. 

one thing i also loved about the relationship between the firebrands this book (which also makes stellan's death more sad) is the unresolved tension. (now, some of what elzar and stellan were feeling could've been side effects from the creatures on the station, but it's not entirely bc of that i don't think). elzar, though he won't say it, is upset that stellan didn't go with him to ledalau to help him after using the dark side on valo. he trusts and relies on stellan and wants stellan's support, so of course it would be upsetting that his friend wasn't there with him in that time of need. and stellan and avar being at odds with each other over the marshal position at starlight. stellan feeling prideful about taking the position away from avar, and avar being mad at losing her position. her thinking about how after only a month under stellan's control, starlight beacon was lost. the two of them being blinded by their own jealousies and pride. stellan recognizing (when it's essentially too late already) that the weight of their responsibilities, the tension and exhaustion from dealing with the nihil for so long, pitted them against each other. and they'll never get to apologize to each other for that, never get to make up for that time spent being angry with one another.

now onto my non-stellan and firebrands thoughts:

i would very kindly like to ask the authors to participate in the Leave Bell Zettifar Alone 2k24 Challenge. he's been through SO MUCH already, STOP hurting his feelings!!!!! i mean, it sounds like indeera will pull through, thank goodness. and there was a lot of emphasis on burryaga's body not being found and bell going to look for him, so i have a feeling burry might still be alive. but bell.....beautiful bell, please leave him alone. 

i am so happy with his development in this book though! i love a story about grief, so seeing bell still grieving loden (even though jedi are supposed to try and move past their grief) and working through that means a lot to me. when he saw burry grieving for nib, and was able to see his grief reflected outside himself in his friend, he was then able to take the next steps towards processing his own grief. and he was able to help burry, and also start believing in himself again, and that was just so special. i can't wait to see what bell does next (next to the firebrands he is absolutely my fave character)

claudia gray did an excellent job with the atmosphere of fear in this book. i was genuinely anxious half this book, worrying about what would happen next. and like, i knew stellan was going to die. but then for regald, nib, AND orla to die as well???? (possibly burry, but i think he might still be alive). i think part of what worked so well is that we didn't see the fear-creatures AT ALL. we only saw how the jedi reacted to them, and leaving it up to the readers' imagination, and only knowing that the jedi are afraid and that the force feels wrong, it was so so effective. 

also shout-out to star wars authors for making me care about random side characters in the span of like a paragraph, and then killing them. that scene with the temple on chespea that got completely destroyed by the nihil, and the jedi master told her padawan to call coruscant, "and tell them we're under attack?" "Tell them we are gone." like WTF???????? made me tear up ngl. even just the description of the top half of starlight crashing and burning was so intense, and those kind of hopeless moments, all the authors have done a really incredible job with so far. you can feel the devastation. 

overall, even though this book hurt me deeply, i really loved it! i have so many more thoughts on the firebrands that will come later. (tbh, i haven't even processed my feelings about the elzar and avar content we got, bc i can ONLY think about stellan and his and elzar's relationship rn. but trust that i will have plenty to say about elzar and avar later on too).  

(p.s. i'm always open for asks/messages if anyone wants to talk about these books <3)

[agentomato]

I was wondering if you can share Any amephil headcanon of urs?

USPH ramble train unlocked hehe

note: I'll be referring to my PH OC throughout all this because she came first, but if anyone wants to use these hcs for their interpretation of canon PH feel free to as well!!

their first meeting is one of tense promise and suspicion; america comes in claiming himself to be this bastion of freedom, and part of philippines wanted to believe this boy came in to help her struggle for freedom against spain; the other part remembers what rizal had said about america, and can't help but feel suspicious by his intent. (she was right to.)

resentments are high at the end of the ph-us war, and rightfully so on philippines's part as she finds him a liar and a hypocrite; america meanwhile had come into it riding full of patriotic bravado after the end of the spanish-american war, but the end of this particular conflict had tempered that down. part of him tried to justify his actions under the banner of manifest destiny and american exceptonalism; the other part remembers twain's scathing critiques of the person sitting in darkness, and it twists his stomach

they get used to each other, occasionally getting along, but there is no love during the american colonial period, just a tense amiability at best; philippines views it at doing what she has to do to secure her freedom eventually, which she never stops badgering america for despite his promising it at some vague point in the future

america doesn't develop feelings for her until the thirties, whilst they worked during her transition towards independence; perhaps it was contrary that his feelings for her developed only after he was in the process of letting her go, but it was the potential of the bright, independent nation she could be that enamored her to him

her feelings don't become mutual until the fifties, after america earned her goodwill by returning during the second world war and giving her the independence he promised; the fifties comes with a hope for better things between them, an admiration for what america could be at his best... unfortunately, as time proves as the years go on, america's continued presence in her region will never not be complicated

philippines is still resentful of him, and rightfully so; on one hand she knows who america is, of his worst tendencies. but sometimes she thinks of the boy who told her under the stars at camp john hay what his dreams and aspirations for a better future are, and sometimes she allows herself to believe it

usually they do a good job at getting along, focusing on other matters of common interest between them; but sometimes those resentments bubble forth, and america doesn't blame her

she knows better than to trust him, having experienced his failings more than once; she still does, despite herself

part of his continued attachment towards her besides a genuine attraction is a desperation that someday he will move past his worst tendencies and the hope for a better, more peaceful relationship between them; it remains yet to be seen if he can, but for now, that hope is enough

they get along over shared interests beyond the realm of geopolitics; she's been enamored by his films and music for the longest time, and he's growing more interested in her food as of late. they both have a shared love of the outdoors together, although philippines prefers the beaches and america prefers hiking it out in the mountains

they bond over drinks and talk the night away, and sometimes when the alcohol gets to them and their tipsy enough they go out dancing, or they dance to the tunes playing out on the radio, and the world seems like they both want it to be for just a moment

their relationship today is affected by geopolitical necessity, the cloud of unresolved resentments, and the hopes and promises for something better. it has never been easy between them, and probably won't be for the foreseeable future, and talking about their relationship will never be easy

still, they hope one day that america's affirmation of them being 'a partnership of sovereign equals' will one day ring true

[clovermarigold]

Daggers & Daffodils Chap.22

Dagur x Reader

Damn, two updates in the span of a week. I am on a roll :D Enjoy the chapter. 

also, 82% sure I used the word placate right... probably not

"I don't like this, Hiccup" Astrid put her hands on her hip as you and Hiccup got ready to fly on Toothless. "I don't either, but we have no choice".

"It'll be fine, Astrid. I can handle Dagur" you placed your hand on her shoulder. "We'll what if we can't get you back. I mean, do you seriously want to end up married to that freak" she asked. "That won't happen, I'll stick around long enough for him to drop his guard, then I'll get out with the Dragon Eye" Astrid didn't seem convinced. "That isn't exactly a plan-".

"Well, it's all we've got. It took me long enough to get Hiccup to agree to this, Gustav needs us. He's just a kid, Dagur won't hurt me, but who knows what he'll do to him" in all actuality you knew exactly what Dagur would do to Gustav if you didn't show, but you didn't want to think about it too much. 

"You sure we have no choice? Like, none? Zip? Zilch?" Tuff asks. Hiccup looks down from Toothless "This is all my fault anyway-", "Ninguno?", "I never even gave the kid a chance", "Ni Portugal?", "Tuff that's really not helping at all!", "Yeah". "If I wasn't so busy tinkering with this thing, I don't know, maybe I could have kept him busy". Fishlegs spoke up, "Uh, yeah, nobody can keep Gustav busy".

"At least let us back you up out there" Astrid reasoned. "Dagur was very clear. I have to come alone. We don't know what he'll do to Gustav if I don't follow his demands to the letter. We can't risk it". Astrid gave you a withering look. "Don't worry" you patted both of your boots, "I'm packing". "We'll be careful, I promise" Hiccup said before the two of you and Toothless took off along with Fanghook. 

"There" one of the Berserker guards called as you and Hiccup approached, landing on the deck of the ship. "Fanghook!" Gustav called rushing to his dragon "I was worried about you, boy". "Aww, dragon and dragon rider love. Makes me want to hurl. Blech" Toothless snarled before Hiccup soothed him to calm down. You were surrounded by dozens of Berserkers with no backup, now was not the time to act out. 

"Gustav, are you ok?" Hiccup asked, earning a nod from the boy as Dagur began to walk towards you. "That's close enough, Dagur" Hiccup warned. "Oh, wow. Where's the trust. After all we've been through together? No? Nothing? No Hiccupy barbs, quips, snappy comebacks? But I really love those. We've developed such a nice shorthand, you and I".  "Dagur, Let's just get this over with" you said, sensing your brother's growing irritation. Dagur's attention to you, "Y/N, my love, how have they been treating you? Well, I hope?" he mumbled under his breath, "For their sake". "I was just catching up with Hiccup here. You know, brother, you really should lighten up. After all, were going to be family soon" he put up his arms taunting him, "Wouldn't want any unresolved tension at the wedding now, would we?" Hiccup grit his teeth. You swiftly dismount Toothless hoping to get this over with quickly so neither Dagur nor Hiccup do something that ends with Gustav getting hurt. "Send them over" Hiccup orders. 

"You first" Dagur smiles, leaving no room for negotiation. Hiccup looks to you, to which you give a nod, and he hands you the dragon eye. Though Dagur isn't that far the walk feels longer. Each side on edge, anxious to see if the other will make a preemptive move. As soon as you're withing arms reach, Dagur pulls you into his side, temporarily resting his face in your hair before he returns to face Hiccup, content with rubbing circles into your arm. Dagur takes the Dragon Eye into his other hand examining it with an exaggeratedly astounded voice taunting Hiccup, "Oh, it- it really is one beautiful artifact. And I hear it can be very useful to those who possess it? Hmm? Is that true?".

"Gustav, let's go. It's okay" Hiccup takes a step closer. Gustav contemplates for a moment, "Yeah, about that, Hiccup. I've been treated much better by these guys than I ever was treated by you and the dragon riders". "What!?" you yell baring teeth at the little runt. "Ooh" Dagur giggles, "And the plot thickens". 

"Gustav" Hiccup says both questioningly and warning. "You could've given me a chance, you know? All you guys ever did was tell me I wasn't good enough; tell me I didn't belong. Well, I belong here" he crosses his arms looking away from Hiccup. "Oh, I'll give you a chance you little brat! Go with Hiccup before I rip your arms off" you yell, slightly madder than you should be, causing Dagur to let out a dopey smile and shiver. But after all, you just gave yourself up to the man you had been running from for moths for this kid, and he decides to change his mind NOW? 

"Gustav, you have no idea what you're getting into" Hiccup warns taking a few steps towards him before a look from Dagur's men stop him. "Oh, yes, I do, Hiccup. I know exactly what I'm doing". Dagur then, chimed in with a sing song voice, "Awkward! ~". 

"Well, I'd say your work is finished here, brother. Ordinarily, this is where I would double-cross you and fill you full of arrows. But the future missus is angry as it is, and the kid is squeamish. You should thank him, he made me promise to let you go, and in return, he's gonna take me to a treasure". "That's right, Hiccup" Gustav put his hands on his hips proudly, "We have the Dragon Eye and Fanghook's fire. And you know what that means, untold treasure awaits".

"You are going to regret this" Hiccup puts a hand on Toothless. "I don't think so, Hiccup" your brother then, takes off, thankfully not followed by a barrage of arrows.  Once Hiccup left eyesight, Gustav jumped up onto Fanghook, playing and laughing with him, as two Berserkers grab each of your arms and "escort" you to Dagur's room. "Y'know" Dagur turned to Savage with a twisted smile, "I'm actually gonna feel bad when I kill this kid".

 The room you were dumped in was roomier than the last, granted it was a different ship and had been three years since you were last held in one against your will. It made little to no difference in the end though, as you were still trapped on another boat with your delusional "fiancé".  Casing the room proved fruitless, though you didn't know what you were looking for. You didn't have any way to escape yet, and even if you did, you couldn't leave Gustav to face Dagur's wrath on his own. His chances of making it out of this weren't great, but add an escaped betrothed to the mix, and you had no doubt not great would turn to absolutely not. He would become a punching bag, eel bait, and a target dummy all at once. And you didn't even want to imagine what horrors they would put Fanghook through. 

The door opened and you didn't need to look to know who it was. If you were in a room, namely your 'personal' quarters, anyone but him would be thrown overboard. "Well, that was dramatic, don't you think?" he closed the door a wide smile gracing his features walking over to you and wrapping you in an embrace. You stayed stiff, though it was difficult as he lifted you off the ground. "I told you I would get you back" he looked up at you with his lopsided grin.

Dear Odin, you hated this man, but even more so you hated yourself for admiring his face. You couldn't help it; three years had done him good. Your ogling hadn't gone unnoticed, as Dagur's smile grew sly. "Now back to our conversation from last time, I believe you've had enough time to think. Axes as our wedding theme" he looked off into the distance, using his hands to part the air as if it were a groundbreaking revelation. "We're. Never. Getting. Married" you deadpanned, watching his joyful expression fall and turn to one of indifference and disdain. 

The room began to feel uncomfortable. It was as if Dagur forgot how to blink, staring down at you with almost soulless eyes, daring you to look away. Suddenly Dagur's new increase in height was painfully obvious and making you... question things. 

You tried your best to hide the bob in your throat as you swallowed your spit, continuing to make eye contact with the deranged berserker. Dagur broke the quiet of the room, "You shouldn't say things that aren't true Y/N". It had been a long time since Dagur had called you by your name when speaking to you. And in all honesty, you didn't like it. It made you feel uncomfortable and your skin crawl, like your body was having an allergic reaction to it. Or maybe it was to the implications of it. Dagur rarely ever got mad at you, but it did happen; that time you threatened to have your father call off your engagement when he had been teasing Hiccup too much as kids or when you had jokingly called a boy from Berk 'cute'. 

"Hiccup will come for me, Dagur" the threat was pathetic at best. Though it was true. it did little to change your current situation. Dagur continued to tower over you, giving no reaction to your mention of your brother.

"...Axes are fine" Dagur in true 'Dagur fashion' did a 180, his regular dopey wide smile coming to surface as if he hadn't just stared you down like you murdered his dog. "You know, I personally prefer swords, but whatever makes it perfect for you" he smiles sitting on the bed. 

Dagur looked at your still frame and his smile faltered slightly. A finger was placed under your chin as he looked down at you with concern "Are you still upset with me". "Are you serious" one look at the confused expression and uneven brows told you that he was in fact, serious. "You kidnapped me four times! Held my dragon in a cage! Threatened to kill my father! Tried to kill my brother!" Dagur continued to look down at you confused as if you're reasoning still did not answer his question. 

"Oh, my Thor" you huffed out, "You're really that delusional". Dagur's upper lip curled near the corner as he seemed to attempt to remain "calm", by Dagur standards at least. "My love, I understand your upset. But I promise I'll make it up to you" he put a hand up as if placating a mediocre demand. 

"How! How could you ever make this up to me" Dagur smiled. "By making the rest of your life carefree and painless" he said it as though it were obvious. "That will not make up for it Dagur! When are you going to get it through your head that this " you gestured between the both of you, "Is never going to happen". Dagur stayed quiet for a moment too long. "That's a lie" you rolled your eyes. "If it was true" he pushed you backwards, so you landed on the bed staring up at him.

To your relief he didn't make any moves to get on top of you instead reaching to your boot and pulling out the Skrill carved dagger, "Why do you still have this".