#but idk my dad has been a manager of people for most of my life and i'm so used to him talking about doing things for his employees

[elmelloill]

sometimes when things are going well i succumb to the comfort of familiarity and coworkers i don't dislike and a predictable schedule, and i rethink my vague intention (would not even call it a plan) to look for something else in a location i like better after being here five years, and then i have an interaction with my boss for the first time in months and it's just criticism from her and i think "fuck you, hiring nightmare be upon ye"

[orcelito]

It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.

But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like

.... OK yea maybe I have some problems

Also this one 😂😂😂

[hearts4werka]

No Nut November!

authors note: our no nut November has officially started! I might change this schedule later but as I’m writing this it’s 6 am so we’ll see how it changes. Idk how consistent I’ll be able to be with this and that’s the thing I worry most about this so I apologize in advance if I might not post on one day 😭 small disclaimer English is not my first language and now let’s roll

| 🥐 means ANGST - 🍪 means FLUFF |

Visit - > masterlist | guestlist

🥐 - November 1st! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Don’t Do This Again” is available now!

• a heated argument with your boyfriend Matt who’s the fuckboy of the town about him sleeping with another girl at a party you attended last night but are you going to give him another chance, or value your well being and break things off?

🍪 - November 2nd! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Gothically Yours” is available now!

• you’ve forced your boyfriend to let you do goth makeup on him and the experience turns out to be more fun than he could have expected, leaving both of you giggling while laying on the floor together…

🥐 - November 3rd! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Skin Deep Scars” is available now!

• you’ve been born into a rich controlling family, always having to stay on top and never cross the line. You tried to please your mother but never could be enough for your mother’s standards, your father was mostly at work and away at business trips so both of you hardly ever interacted with each other. That’s until you got into an argument about your new friend chris who was the polar opposite of you, what do you think will happen next?

🍪 - November 4th! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Snow-Day Magic” is available now!

• december has finally arrived, snow has fallen and your daughter has never been more excited for your annual snow day with your husband Matthew matching her energy and enthusiast to which you fit right into, being the mother of both people.

🥐 - November 5th! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Whispers Of Madness” is available now!

• ever since one unfortunate day, you havent felt the same mentally. The dark entity that now permanently stabled a special place in your mind, making you go more insane with eachasing minute. Whenever you try to reach out for help to the one person you trust, being yout best friend matthew he always argues that nothing is actually there and my brain is messing with me but I know more than ive lead onto. Are you going to finally shatter and possibly lead to murder, or maybe finally banish the evil living inside of you?

🍪 - November 6th! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Birthday Tears” is available now!

• today was your birthday, the day you’ve never got to actually celebrate because of some family issues. Youve now always avoided your birthday and didn’t want to celebrate it, when you were coming home from the grocery store you were met with a sweet surprise when entering the house…

🥐 - November 7th! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Underground Secrets“ is available now!

• your boss has set up a dangerous mission for you—to take down the intel of the notorious rival gang, The Vipers. Your boyfriend, a drug dealer of a rival organization, Chris is advising you not to go through with the plan because of how dangerous it is for someone like you, will you listen to your boyfriend or value your reputation over the risk of life and go through with the plan?

🍪 - November 8th! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Adorable Chaos” is available now!

• one day you woke up to Matt becoming the best dad for two of your little fur babies, showing all of the affection you wanted to show them yourself but couldn’t and there was Matt fulfilling your little dream

🥐 - November 9th! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | "Shattered Promises" is available now!

• a dangerous war was declared, the one thing you feared would happen in your life ever since your husband Matthew joined the military. The fear of him possibly dying out on the battlefield without a proper goodbye always managed to deliver you nightmares and now your worst fear came true, Matthew had to go off to fight for his country. Is he going to make it and come back home safely, or maybe you’ll forever hold the weight of him in your heart even without him among the living?

🍪 - November 10th! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | "Newborn Miracle" is available now!

• the time has finally come, you and chris are going to become parents. Both of you are filled with joy and nervousness at the same time since this is a big step both of you have to make now and you’re ready more than ever for the adventures that lay ahead of you.

🍪&🥐- November 11th! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | "Books, Breezes and Broken Limbs" is available now!

• one cool autumn afternoon, you’ve been reading your book in peace and minding your own business until your doorbell suddenly rings and you’re met with an unusual sigh, a zombie man holding his fallen arm. Will you help him out or freak out by the sight of the monster and slam the door in his face?

❌ - November 12th! - Day Closed

✎ᝰ. |

🥐 - November 13th! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “You Can’t Save Me” is available now!

• Matt was a gang member and you knew the life as one or alongside one was a constant gamble for your life, never knowing what you’ll roll nor what consequences you will have to face. Today you didn’t know you would be facing one of them out of Matthew’s not informing you that they owed money to the violent rival gang, not thinking as an outcome I’ll have to face the barrier between life or death, will you somehow survive or face the consequences and give into the dark feeling of death?

🍪 - November 14th! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Zombies Don’t Do Costumes” Is now available!

• Chris’s favorite season has came around the corner, Halloween season. He always loved to decorate the house with various scary objects, give our candy to children but especially scaring them. He decided to not dress up this year while handing out candy at your house and got quite shocked when a group of local children got scared of his so called ‘realistic zombie costume’ since they thought he was real. What would have you done if you were these kids?

🥐 - November 15th! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Unspoken Words” is now available!

• it’s pouring rain outside and you’re in a heated argument with the so-called ‘loser skater boy’ of the school, Chris about your popular friend group constantly picking on him but you don’t know what you could possibly do about it, in the heat of the moment you accidentally confess your love for him that you’ve been bottling inside of you for ages now, how will Chris react to the sudden confession?

🍪 - November 17th! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | "Coffe And Calculations" is now available!

youve been in a spiral lately and decided to schedule a study session with Matt, while you were still struggling he had already finished all of his work but to not pressure you, he pretended to still have unfinished work by scribbling on a piece of paper but still keeping a close eye on you, asking if you need a break you didn’t want but secretly needed.

❌ - November 19th! - Day Closed

✎ᝰ. |

🥐 - November 21st! - Matthew Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Uninvited Judgements” is now available!

• you were invited to a party by one of your friends, of course you brought Matt, your boyfriend along despite him being slightly younger, everything was going by smoothly and everyone was having great fun until you went out to the bathroom and when you came back you saw your drunken friends surrounding Matt, not suggesting anything good by their loud laughter…

🍪&🥐- November 23rd! - Christopher Sturniolo

✎ᝰ. | “Fractured Bonds” is now available!

• you and Chris never got along, until your parents forced you to at least attempt to be civil with each other since you’ll be flying out for vacation soon to be on good terms, you were getting along pretty well until a truck comes crashing into you but Chris pushes you out of the way, causing the harsh injuries to himself, suffering a broken leg & two fingers and a slight concussion, making your good relationship crush and crumble, or did it?

- November 25th!

✎ᝰ. | ‘Nothing yet!’

- November 27th!

✎ᝰ. | ‘Nothing yet!’

- November 29th!

✎ᝰ. | ‘Nothing yet!’

- November 30th!

✎ᝰ. | ‘Nothing yet!’

& love and peace, V

The four days above were closed due to family issues, thank you

[joekeeryswife]

joe keery has such strong dad energy, especially in recent photos from italy. can you write about joe traveling in italy with you and your baby daughter? i just know he’d be the type to wear his kid around and splash in the water with her, and fall asleep in the sun with her on his chest, and feed her little bites of pasta. with you, he’d make sure that your vacation was relaxing and that you felt treated like a goddess. insecure about wearing a bikini? joe can’t stop blushing when he looks at you in it even if you’ve been married for years. while the baby is napping, he massages your feet and cuddles with you. in turn, you set up reservations at his favorite restaurants and plan manageable but gorgeous walks around the city. idk man just dad!joe on vacation

Italy - j.k

a/n: hello angels. how have you all been? i’m so sorry i’ve been MIA lately but i’m back and better than ever! this request is adorable! let’s get into the imagine. it’s not proof read so please bare with me if this is shit lmfao, im still trying to get back into the swing of writing, i also can never seem to figure out how to end my imagines so if anyone has any tips please LMK!! for the ending the outfits are in the little collage🫧

taglist🫧

@johnricharddeacy @theshireisonfire @ssababe @phantomxoxo @livsters @hellfire1986baby @ladyapplejackdnd @alexxavicry @m-rae23 @sheisjoeschateau @kaverichauhan @missabsey @chxrrysprxut @thefrontofmymind @nightmonkeyparker @carinacassiopeiae @cherrymedicine13 @waratah-moon @minsugafour @k-k0129 @limelight23 @alwaysteveswife @krazykatkay456 @lma1986 (it’s been a while so lmk if you want to be removed 🫧)

“baby come on we wanna get to the pool, what’s taking you so long-” Joe barged into the bathroom without knocking making you jump out of your skin. after having your daughter Florence a year and a half ago you had been insecure about your new body.

you were curvier then before, had a few stretch marks scattered all over your body which had faded but in your eyes they were so visible. you just didn’t feel like yourself and with this being your first holiday since having her, you were nervous.

nervous that you didn’t look as good as you did before, nervous that you were gonna get papped and people online would say awful things about you, nervous people were gonna stare.

but to Joe, the sweetest man ever thought you’d never looked better. you had carried a whole human for 9 months and you looked incredible. “Joe, you scared me” you placed a hand on your chest and turned to look at him.

Joe looked at you, eyes darting across your body, seeing you in a bikini for the first time in over a year made him feel tingly. his face heated up “you look beautiful baby, jesus christ you’re gorgeous” he saw your eyes light up slightly.

Florence was in her playpen which you had brought along to keep her occupied, Joe had made sure she was safe before coming to look for you. even after five years of being together and three years of marriage, just looking at you made Joe feel giddy. he was so lucky to have you in his life.

you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he couldn’t ever get over your beauty. Joe knew what you were doing in the bathroom, he had caught you one too many times and he hated that you felt insecure.

he walked toward you and pulled you into him “my pretty girl” he kissed your head as he hugged you closer. “you’ve never looked so beautiful” you smiled shyly. there was something about Joe, he always knew how to make you feel beautiful. he had a special way with words.

“come on, don’t want to keep you and flo waiting any longer” you said as you pulled yourself away from the hug. he ran back to Florence who squealed when she saw her dad, the two of them were best friends and although it made you jealous their relationship was your favourite thing ever.

seeing the two of them bonding was the most adorable thing in the entire world. even when she was in the womb he would spend hours and hours speaking to your bump with her kicking you in response. “my angel, let’s go. mama is almost ready” you heard him say as he picked Florence up out of the playpen, she squealed in delight as he did.

-♡-

the three of you were lounging around the pool, Italy was boiling hot and luckily the hotel you were staying at had a kids pool and an adult pool. Florence was a baby who loved the water, she never cried when having a bath, if anything she enjoyed it.

splashing around with her toys was her favourite thing to do. she loved your pool that you had back home, every time it was hot Joe would take her into the pool. your friends kids were a bit older than Florence and she loved watching them play in the pool too.

as soon as you and Joe got situated on your sun loungers he grabbed Florence and walked straight to the kid section which was thankfully right in front of you. you watched Florence splash the pool water with her toys, the biggest smile on her face.

Joe was sat opposite her with the exact same expression on his face. it was honestly scary how much Florence looked like him. they had practically all the same features except she had your eyes, she was a carbon copy of him.

aside from the fact that Florence and Joe where best friends and looked exactly like each other the worst of it all was when Florence said her first word which was of course ‘dada’. you had prayed that she said ‘mama’ first but nope. it wasn’t like it actually hurt your feelings, your daughter had days where you were the favourite parent and it made you tear up when she finally did say ‘mama’ for the first time.

Joe and Florence had only been sat in the kid pool for thirty minutes before his back started hurting but the look on his daughters face made it all worth it. other than you, Florence was the best thing to ever happen to him. before her, he didn’t really care about being a dad. it wasn’t something he had ever thought about. but that sunny Friday afternoon, the day you told him, showed him the positive test, he never thought he could love someone as much as he loved her.

“dada” Florence said as she looked up at him and lifted up a purple octopus for him to take. “oh thank you angel” he took the toy from her small hand. Joe watched Florence with the softest smile, she was the most adorable thing ever and he couldn’t get over the fact that you guys had made something so beautiful. Florence paused playing with her toys and yawned. Joe knew exactly what that meant, she only yawned when she needed a nap, it sounded odd because everyone yawns but the little eye rub after her yawn made it obvious. she was tired.

after waking up early (6:37am to be exact but who was checking? definitely not Joe) eating breakfast and all this playing in the pool, the girl had worn herself out. “come on sweetheart, you look like you’re about to fall asleep” Joe said as he stood up, picking up her few toys and shoving them in her pockets and then bending down to pick her up. she had her small arms lifted in the air, her eyes squinting as she looked up at Joe.

he picked her up and made his way back over to you. you where laying on the sun lounger now reading a book with your airpods in. you noticed Joe walking back with Florence hugging him tightly. you took one airpod out and smiled at the two of them. “you okay?” you asked, sitting up. Joe picked up the towel that was on his sun lounger and wrapped it around both him and Florence. “yeah, she just got tired. i mean, it’s around the time she usually has a nap isn’t it?” you looked at the time in your phone and nodded. “yeah, she’s actually stayed awake a lot longer then i thought she would”

Joe sat laid down on the sun lounger, making sure Florence was comfortable before he started running his hand up and down her back and through her hair. it didn’t take long for her to fall asleep, her breathing slowed and she was completely relaxed against him so you went back to your book, letting the two of them have their moment.

it was about 10 minutes after Joe and Florence had sat down and the soft snores was the only thing you could hear from the two of them, it didn’t take long for Joe to fall asleep. he was just as tired as Florence was. you turned your attention to the two of them and felt your heart melt. your two favourite people in your company were the moments you treasured the most.

-♡-

“come on Joe i know it takes ten hours to do your hair but we are gonna be late” you said jokingly as you picked up Florence who was dressed in a white dress with the cutest sandals you’d ever seen, it was the last night in Italy before you went home tomorrow night and you wanted to do something special for Joe. he had planned this whole trip for you, knowing you needed a break from your town and the paparazzi (it’s not like you hit a break from that because they followed you everywhere!).

he needed to be appreciated just as much as he appreciated you and sometimes you struggled to do that with Florence. you weren’t saying that you didn’t love being a mum because you did, however sometimes you and Joe hardly spoke to each other because you were so focused on her.

“i’m coming honey, sorry” he came out of the bathroom with his hair perfectly styled, per usual, and he was wearing a comfortable but smart outfit. black jeans, blue t-shirt, let’s just say he looked perfect. he sat on the bed and put on his trainers and started doing the laces up, he stood up and kissed you on the cheek “you look beautiful baby” you smiled and thanked him with a a passionate kiss.

“and look at my angel” he took Florence out of your arms gently “you look perfect my sweet girl” he kissed her cheek a few times which made her squeal and hide her face in his neck. “right, let’s go, we can’t be late for whatever your mama’s planned can we?” you had seen a a popular restaurant all over social media which about fifteen minute walk from the hotel you were staying at which you also remembered was Joe’s favourite. he had been to Italy a few times and had always gone there with his friends and you had told him a few months ago when planning this trip that you couldn’t get a reservation which he was actually a little upset about. you and him hadn’t ever been there together and he wanted to take you there because he knew you’d love it. it was a surprise for him that you actually did get one. it wasn’t the best surprise out there but you knew it would mean something to him.

as the two of you walked hand in hand, Joe had Florence on his shoulders laughing as her dad played around with her. after about twenty minutes (due to Joe messing about) you guys approached the small town where the restaurant was and Joe’s eyes lit up, he could see the restaurant sign and turned his head to look at you.

“are we going in there?” he squeezed your hand slightly as his body filled with excitement. “yeah, i got us a reservation and wanted to surprise you. it’s not a huge thing but i knew you would like it” his heart melted, that’s one thing he loved most about you. always remembering the little things he had said and trying your best to get those things sorted. he had said about going here ages ago and honestly he had forgotten about it but you, you didn’t and you made sure you got one.

“aww honey, that’s so sweet of you” he let go of your hand and pulled you into his side and wrapped his arm around your waist. he kissed your cheek softly as the two of you continued walking towards the busy looking restaurant.

once sat inside the restaurant you sat opposite Joe with Florence in a high chair at the end next to both of you. she was babbling away in her own little language. Joe replied to everything she said as if he knew what she was saying but it made her happy, she had a smile on her face showing her four small teeth. “last night in Italy. is it bad that i want to live here forever?” Joe said as he turned his attention back to you.

you shook your head “no, it’s beautiful here” you smiled, if you could move to Italy you would, the houses were beautiful, the people were lovely, the views were gorgeous, so what was stopping you?. “maybe we could move here. i mean, not now obviously but sometime in the future we could” Joe said as he ran a hand through his hair.

“also just changing the subject, i really appreciate you doing this for us” he started but you rolled your eyes jokingly “Joe, all i did was make a reservation it’s not that big of a deal” you laughed but he took ahold of your hand and looked at you “it is to me. you went out if your way to get us in here and that’s just a small piece of what you do for us. you take care of flo when i’m away working which fucking kills me but you keep it together, make sure she’s okay and even make sure i’m okay and i’m not even there before you make sure you’re alright yourself. when we are at home together the only time we see each other is when we are in bed and at that point one of us is usually asleep. i know you miss up our date nights and even just being together in general” he was stroking your hand gently as he spoke.

“this vacation has been the best thing for us because we’ve actually spent time together which we rarely do. we have completely different schedules so i know it’s hard but after this movie is over i’m taking a break and i’m going to focus on you and flo. you’re my main priority and i need to spend time with you.” he kissed your hand and smiled.

“we do need to spend more time together and i do miss our dates, they were my favourite” his smile softened and his grip on your hand tightened ever so slightly. “i know, so that’s what we are doing. i’ll get someone to look after Florence and we will do something together” with happy your heart melting you leaned over the table enough to kiss him. you could feel him smile into the kiss which you always loved him doing, you didn’t know why, you just did.

“i love you” you said as you pulled away to sit back down “i love you more” you felt your cheeks heat up. you heard a small whine from the little lady who was sat next to you which made you both turn to look at her. she had the smallest frown on her face which made both you a Joe laugh “and we couldn’t forget our favourite girl” he said pulling her out of her high chair and placing her on his lap, smothering her with small kisses which made her giggle, making your heart melt at the sight. your favourite people in the world.

[belokhvostikova]

Hiii!!! I just went to see Metallica in concert recently and it made me think of rockstar Eddie going on tour like 20-30 years later and still having a great time performing with his buddies idk why

Are you kidding?! How was the concert? Hope you had fun! <3

They’d 100% pull an Oasis! It’s been over a decade of quietness, as the guys had all retired, choosing to spend their older years with their partners and kids, when all of a sudden, they post a future line up of shows they’re performing, and everyone is losing their minds to snatch tickets!

It’s totally their own doing, too. Screw management, let’s just perform like the good ol’ days! Of course, Rockstar!Eddie is dilf of the century—still got the long hair, now just decorated with bits of silver; his tattoos are a bit faded, but perfect for his dad bod; and he has to keep the piercings in, pierced lip, pierced nose, pierced eyebrow (they did have to previously be taken out, because one-year-olds are terribly curious with shiny jewelry).

But, my god, he’d just be the hottest.

Definitely not the most extravagant setup, “just some forty-year-olds tryna keep their blood pressure low and work out,” he’d joked, but it’s definitely the most special to them and their fans!

Yes, Eddie loved the quiet life he got to lavish in, but Christ, did he miss performing for the people that could still scream back his lyrics 10+ years later. Only better, though, as he can look to the right and see his little family backstage cheering him on. You may not be brandishing the platform heels and leather you once wore to his concerts, but those mom jeans make your ass look the best, and your body has filled out so perfectly after bringing life into the world, Eddie Munson could just eat you up (and he absolutely will, age has not stopped his stamina)!

And now, his kids are growing old enough to sing his songs, and it’s the best seeing them grow up into their own personalities as individuals without judgement—something he never got to do, but promised it to his babies.

Yeah, Rockstar!Eddie is living the dream! <3

[queenimmadolla]

Hey, me again! Sorry to bother you but I wondering if I can send a request about my favourite family (but of course remember to take the time you need to write this or completely ignore this request if you don't like it)? I was thinking about the reader coming back home from an afternoon with the other girls and once she comes back, she sees the most adorable scenario she has ever seen. Eddie and the other boys sitting on the tiniest chairs ever, wearing tiaras, make up, fake earrings, playing having tea with Penny and her stuffed animals. Idk, I thought it was cute😅

But Again, feel free to ignore this request if you don't want to write it. Thank you and I hope you have a nice day❤️

this was such a cute request for them and i enjoyed every single second of writing it. i hope i did it justice and i hope you enjoy!

𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐞𝐚 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬

(girl dad!eddie munson x mom!reader/pregnant!reader)

warnings: imagery of men in terrible makeup and mentions of pregnancy (reader is pregnant) more penny, eddie and reader (and baby wayne) adventures here :)

If someone were to have told younger you, you’d be a mom before you were the age of 21, you probably would have punched them in the face, strictly because of the implication and the jinxing. While having a baby was something you entertained after seeing a particularly cute one out in the world or something, you weren’t overly fond of the idea of raising a tiny human with someone or even on your own. You considered yourself much too selfish for that. 

  …However, if someone were to have told you you’d have Eddie Munson’s–one of three local freaks and town urban legend in the making—babies, you probably would have given them the keys to your car and maybe the deed to your parents’ home.

  Your crush on the metal head had a lasting effect on you. When you’d actually begun dating him, falling head over ass in love, being with him was all that mattered to you and it didn’t feel pathetic because it was all he wanted, too. 

  Immediately after graduation came marriage and then Penny, your cute little Oopsie as Eddie referred to her when she was in your tummy. You preferred it over his original nickname for her, which was Creampie, seeing as how he was sure that was how she’d been conceived. You forced him to change it.

  Of course, since you had said baby with another on the way, you had to provide for them. Eddie had already been employed at an autoshop—his skill with the mechanics of a car was probably what led to Penny’s conception, you just couldn’t help yourself when faced with Grease Monkey Eddie—and Eden got you a job with her at her father’s firm as his partner’s receptionist.

  It worked out pretty well, Eden didn’t have a car so you’d pick her up before work since she’d rather jump off her roof than drive with her dad, who was also her boss, then afterwards you’d drive back to the trailer where Eddie and Argyle would be waiting for the two of you (if Argyle wasn’t off, she’d chill with your little family until he came to get her because she didn’t want to go home and you couldn’t blame her).

  Normally, your job wasn’t super stressful, you’d just been exhausted lately, though you didn’t exert yourself (Eddie would never allow it). 

  Today you had felt every agonizing second of the work day, it had been so slow. You’d done all the filing, made all the copies, called all the people, there just hadn’t been as much going on as usual and after you’d managed to make it to lunch time, the last half of your shift was spent staring across the room at Eden, both of you blinking owlishly at each other, staring contests, trying to get paper airplanes to reach the other, anything to stave off the boredom. Suddenly, you couldn’t wait til you could take maternity leave. 

  After work, you’d both practically sprinted to your car, the ride was spent bitching about the work day. The closer you got to your home, the more life you felt began to fill you; energy the work day had sucked away returning to you at the notion of seeing Eddie and Penny.

  If you had known exactly what you’d be walking into, you may have transcended into a higher level of joy.

  You and Eden were still chatting as you shut your car doors, still shedding the weight of the work day. She’d been talking about moving in with Argyle, something she was desperate to do but her parents were still hesitant about when you unlocked the front door, pushing it open for her.

  Eden had walked through the doorway and stopped, causing you to run into her back. 

  “What’s the hold up?” You asked, peering around her shorter frame. The sight made you gasp.

  “Hi, honey!” Eddie greeted you, grin so wide it almost looked like it hurt.

  Eddie, Argyle and Jonathan—always dragged around with Argyle—were crouched in tiny pink plastic chairs (much too small for them to actually allow their weight to rest in, lest they break them) around the small table in the living room, which was cluttered with various kitchen utensils and Penny’s pink tea set. 

  Not an unusual sight, since they always indulge your three year old. What was new was the bright colors adorning their faces.

  Eddie had on bright purple eyeshadow (complete with poorly replicated wings of eyeliner), cheeks powdered with an even brighter pink and lips coated in a deep shade of red lipstick, meticulously applied judging by the precision. Pink clip-on earrings dangled from his lobes and around his waist was one of Penny's pink tutus—stretched to its limit.

  Argyle’s long dark locks were in two high, messy ponytails. His eyes were decorated with a blue eyeshadow (ruined with various marks and stains of mascara), cheeks powdered bright red and lips a coral orange. His tutu was purple and his earrings were red.

  But Jonathan…oh, Jonathan. His eyeshadow was pink, cheeks pink, and lipstick a bright red. Penny was always more gentle with Jonathan, for some reason. His makeup didn’t look as messily applied as the majority of Argyle’s and Eddie’s. Unlike with them, Penny had attempted to draw on eyelashes for him, and he had smatterings of glitter sporadically around his face. Not only did he have one of her pink tutus and green earrings, he also got the privilege of wearing her favorite pair of fairy wings.

  He refused to make eye contact with you, staring into the tiny, plastic tea cup clenched in his hand.

  “Hi, babe. What happened here?” You asked, hand moving to hide your smile, though you were pretty sure it was obvious. Penny—dressed in her pink princess dress and a purple feather boa, pretty little face also covered in makeup with a plastic crown carefully placed on her head to make sure her curls didn’t get tangled in the combs of it (Eddie had to have put it on her)—returned from the hallway closet where her toy box was located, arms full of her stuffed animals, all of which she dropped the moment she saw you.

  “Mommy!” She squealed and you squatted down to allow her to run into your arms as Eden stepped out of the way and disappeared into your room. “LOOK, MOMMY! I made daddy and unca Ahgle and unca Johnny puddy!”

  “Uh huh,” was all you could say without laughing. 

  “We awe having a tea pa’ty.” Penny informed you after she’d unwound her arms from around you, giving your baby bump a gentle pat before she ran back over to scoop up her stuffies. They were placed in the other empty plastic chairs surrounding the table and actually looked like they fit in the tiny seats, unlike the grown men.

  “Do you think I’m pretty, mama?” Eddie asked, batting his eyelashes at you with his red lips pulled into a mischievous smirk. Eddie was no stranger to makeup, you’d done his eyeliner for gigs plenty of times and he could now do it on his own, but that only involved lining his waterline and tightlining, not wings. 

  He and Jonathan had silently stared at themselves in the bedroom mirror, self reflecting on how they got themselves in this position, for longer than either of them would care to admit. But Eddie would do anything for Penny and he knew you would get a crack out of seeing him like this.

  Argyle was too high (it was a perpetual thing at this point, he’d been stuck in a high since back in high school) to care, although he’d wanted his ponytails braided and Penny wouldn’t allow it.

  “I think you’re something,” You offered through your giggles and Eddie chuckled along with you, stopping only when a flash of bright light momentarily lit up the room and blinded him. 

  Eden lowered the Polaroid camera she’d retrieved from your room, plucking the picture that whirled out. 

  She shook it briefly and examined the developing photo with a careful eye before she smirked. 

  “Oh, this is a good one. I gotta make a copy of this for Nance.” 

  Jonathan stood up then, kind of. His butt was still stuck in the tiny chair so it went with him. “Eden, give me the photo.”

  Eden took that as her cue to take another one, cackling as she grabbed the film. 

  Jonathan began to advance. 

  “Eden—I mean it, give me the pictures—EDEN!” He shouted as she bolted out of the front door. He ran (as best as he could with a tiny chair attached to his ass) after her with Argyle following him to play instigator. 

  “Run, baby, run!” Then when he realized he’d be in both pictures as well, “GET HER, JONATHAN!”

  Eddie was howling with laughter, causing Penny to join in even though she hadn’t been paying attention to what was going on. Once he calmed down, he stood up from his chair, pulling the thing off of his hips, he moved it to the side and sat on the carpet, patting the spot between his legs to beckon you over. 

  You set your bag on the counter and went over to join them, settling between his legs as you leaned back into his chest with his encouragement for cuddles. Eddie pressed a kiss to your forehead, no doubt leaving a kiss stain as Penny set a little tea cup on a plastic plate down in front of you.

  “He’we you go, mama.” 

  “Oh, thank you, Penny!” You lifted the teacup by its tiny handle and pretended to take a sip. “That’s very good!”

  “Yes,” she stated, pleased and already distracted with arranging her stuffed animals in their seats.

  “Long day?” Eddie asked, mumbling against the side of your head as he continued to press kisses wherever his lips could reach. He’d clocked the lingering bits of tension and stress on you the moment you’d walked into the trailer, he also swore he had a sixth sense tied to you somehow, because he could always tell when something was wrong. He’d get bouts of anxiety at work and come home to find out you’d had a terrible day, so he’d taken to just calling you when the feeling popped up. 

  He hadn’t been wrong yet.

  “Yeah,” You sighed, turning onto your side as you burrowed further into Eddie and the soft shirt he wore. “It’s better now, though.”

  He hummed as you lifted your head, lips puckered.  With a grin, he closed the small distance, giving you your ‘welcome home’ kiss.

  “Awww!”

  You broke away, the two of you smiling as your attention was drawn to your daughter, who looked shy and had a small smile of her own as she wrung her little hands together.

  “You kissed.” 

  Eddie chuckled, chest shaking against you. 

  “We’ve kissed before, baby.” He pointed out. She’d witnessed you exchange thousands of (appropriate) kisses in front of her but lately she’d been cooing every time Eddie showed you affection. You thought she may like seeing you two love each other like the couples in the cartoons she watched.

  “Yes.” She giggled into her little palms, shoulders rising as she became even more bashful.

  You shook your head in amusement, raising a hand to rest your chin in, thumb absentmindedly stroking over your lower lip. You were surprised to see a shade of red over the skin of your thumb, considering you’d worn a nude shade of lipstick.

  Oh. Eddie’s lipstick. Right.

  Then you got to thinking about it, the gears in your head turning as your eyebrows furrowed. 

  “Eddie?”

  “Yes?” 

  “Where’d you get this makeup?”

  Eddie and Penny exchanged nervous glances and there was a long pause in between your question and his answer, deciding to try to get out of this like his daughter often tried to.

  “Yes.”

  “Eddie, is this my makeup?!”

  “Baby, I have to go pee, can you move real quick?”

  “You’re not getting away, answer the question!”

  Yes. It was your makeup.

[infernumequinomin]

"Kipperlily hates Riz because she's got a crush on him," this, "Kipperlily hates Riz because he somehow snubbed her," that... First of all, this boy imprinted instantly in a bully throwing him in a trash can thinking they could be friends, Riz wouldn't just forget someone he met in any sort of positive or negative way for zero reason. If they met, even if she didn't make a huge impression, Riz was SO desperate for companionship in Freshman year I don't think he'd have forgotten or ignored her.

I think a lot of people are forgetting the complexity of Riz's story as a poor kid who is of a "monster race" going to somewhere like Augefort through sheer working really fucking hard on the part of both him and his mom, and that they have explicitly in canon faced adversity both for their financial class and race. One of Riz's driving forces to do really well this year is so he can even GO to college. Sklonda EXPLICITLY lost her pension from YEARS of sleepless nights working as a detective and working her way up through the ranks this year (and I don't think it's something to overlook that Kipperlily's mom works as a county clerk and may have had some say there). I think Kipperlily may just be a graden variety privileged bigot who thinks some "gutter scum goblin shouldn't be in classes with normal people." And that a lot of her work with Jawbone has probably been unpacking these internalized biases.

Like, from the outside, the Bad Kids were ressurected by the principal the very first day of school, throwing the whole school into chaos and got DETENTION for it. Riz not only killed, but ATE the vice principal, after they defeated Kalvaxis! They were all on the verge of failing if they didn't complete their Sophmore year spring break project (it was 70% of their grade or some insane shit!), and while most of them may still have passed, Fig and Kristen DEFINITELY needed that credit and that is mentioned in the season, Adaine is insanely stressed about them completing their quest for "school credit".

If Kipperlily grew up rich and entitled, with all the biases about poor people that can grow (especially if her dad's real estate office owns Strong Arm Apts and she thinks of it as a slum, because it's kind of described as low income public housing lbr here) and saw that some lower class goblin was EATING PEOPLE after defeating them (you know, like a monster does, clearly not taking any time to understand his motivation OR culture), and getting preffered treatment because the principal just happened to LIKE HIM and his party (because they took the time to become closer to him over the years and Augefort clearly values students who will absolutely kick his teeth in bc adventurers are "insane violent psychopaths" citation: the Seven), and breezing through his classes without doing ANY of the work (because she doesn't SEE the work or the sleepless nights or all the stress he's taking on for others) it absolutely tracks for her to grow this huge chip on her shoulder about it and for it to reinforce these biases she may have already had about goblins and esp abt POOR goblins like Riz.

I don't think Riz did anything wrong. I think Kipperlily just has shit to fucking work thru in regards to how she views the kinds of people she doesn't know or has had no opportunity to associate with. Even among her party, they're all rich to middle class for the ones we know the class of. She's 17 and has a bunch of internalized biases, likely from her upper middle class upbringing, and major anger management issues. Idk it just makes sense to me. I met all kinds of girls like her in college who were type A to all shit who resented me for seeming to "have it easy" despite how hard my life should have been coming from a poorer background than them.

[davenportia]

part 2 of lab rats deserving better, for lack of a better title

picking up where we left off with mr. donald davenport/big d (chris and bryan, what the heck-) also HUGE TRIGGER WARNING of abuse and narcissism - donald davenport is one of the worst parents i have ever seen on disney. he makes it abundantly clear he only cares about himself and barely cares about his kids. i am fully aware that he was trying to protect them from douglas but i will say this on here because of the hate i got on the ‘say my name’ edit on tiktok. it’s davenport’s APPROACH that i am talking about. i know douglas would have been worse. with that being said… davenport always managed to make the situation about him. whether that was making a doll version of himself and making the toy company pay him god knows what amount of money for the lab rats’ action figures, or it’s an award FOR HIS KIDS for their 1000th mission that he tries to turn into a market deal with the president for his car, he always made it about him making money. even if it’s not about money, his ego never quits. when the KID’S BIONICS WERE EXPOSED, he said “i’m the brains behind it all. the smart behind the heart” (idk his exact words) and it’s like, stop talking about yourself for once. your kids could potentially be separated from each other and you’re talking about how you deserve credit for them. stfu, donald. additionally, and i sort of buried the lead here, my bad, in the literal first episode, you can see how donald had treated them for 16 years. he fed them pellet through a tube in their capsules - which was called ‘feeding time’ - what the fuck. chase LITERALLY says they’re “like human lab rats” and then they show adam in a human-sized hamster wheel. do people that defend davenport not realize that he treats his kids like animals? then after they made one mistake (going to school with no outside world experience thus inevitably causing trouble at school) and he almost sent them to an off-shore facility where they could complete their training - AGAIN, not letting them see the real world. bro, these are human kids you’re shutting out from the world. that’s like elsa in frozen possibly never evening meeting anna, could you imagine that? if you defend davenport, respectfully, unfollow or block me. no hate to hal sparks, all the hate goes to donald davenport.

tasha - my god, i love tasha. but there’s one thing that i wish they could have explored more: where the fuck is leo’s bio dad and what happened to him? so we know leo has a dad because leo says in ‘crush, chop, and burn part 1,’ “my NEW dad is batman!” but that’s literally all we even remotely hear of his bio dad. there are so many questions about this man. trigger warning real quick. was his dad absent most of his life? did tasha and him have a messy divorce? was he abusive? did they have a good or bad relationship with him? did he pass away? was he anything like davenport? in ‘can i borrow the helicopter?’ leo confides in davenport with a crush he has on janelle. davenport decides to tell tasha about said crush and she tries to help him hang out with her. after it backfires, leo is inevitably and understandably upset. “and what’s up with mr. blabbenport? i spill my guts to him and he blabs all about it” he says to tasha. davenport appears and here’s what he says to him: “you told my mom about janelle! i’ll never trust you again.” in my opinion, he could have and should have been more hurt. that could have showed us a bit more of leo’s past with his reaction. he could have said something like “i can’t believe my new dad can’t keep secrets either” or “my old dad would never have said anything.” like give us SOMETHING, disney. leo could have even struggled to tell davenport because his dad could have been a blabbermouth. we have no idea what his life was like before his mom married davenport. and tasha, when davenport was being irrational, could have said something like “this again! my ex husband always did stuff like this” or “new husband, same shenanigans.” seriously, we can get a little deeper here.

douglas: again, LOVE douglas. i know he started out at the main villain of the show along with marcus, but his CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT; BRAVO. he’s probably one of the funniest characters on the show. he just wanted his kids back, you know? give him a break. no but in all seriousness, he changed so much and became a better person. he showed he cared about the kids and saved their lives twice. donald? didn’t care that chase came home safe in ‘avalanche’ and was more excited about the money than his own kid. also the thing with perry having a crush on him was hilarious. i wish we had seen more of his backstory, though. all we know is that he wanted to make adam, bree, chase, and daniel cyber soldiers and davenport kicked him out and stole/rescued (however you see it) the kids, he faked his own death, and he partnered with victor krane to continue his research. all we get are these jokes throughout the show: “i was going through a rough patch and wanted societies to destroy each other.” in ‘sink or swim part 2’ when krane says to destroy adam, bree, and chase, douglas says “that was never my plan?” and from then on, tries to get in with and protect the kids, what did he want then? did he just want forgiveness or did he still want control over them? other than that, i don’t have much to say. i think douglas’ character was well written and had a good arc.

theresa cherry perry aka principal perry - i know she’s a terrible person but she’s so easy to like. she clearly cares about the kids but will never admit that. she wasn’t a very complex character though, i think. she was the standard mean principal who had a questionable past and 6 cats. what do you guys think of perry? what questions and/or suggestions do you have?

danielle, trent, ethan, stephanie, mrs. thissle - where did they all go?

am i the only one who couldn’t stand caitlin? like she started out as bree’s nerdy best friend but then became this like crazy weird girl everyone hates. like? you couldn’t let bree have one good friend?

overall, lab rats is a great show. clearly, it has a huge fan base and there are lab rats editors everywhere on tiktoks and instagram. hundreds of blogs dedicated to lab rats and other disney xd shows on tumblr, or loads of posts about the lab rats universe. again, chris peterson and bryan moore did a great job with what they had, but if the show hadn’t been produced by disney and the things from post and part 1 of this post had been thought about more, it could have been a MUCH better show. what are your thoughts?

[lake-cosay]

Jesslake Demigod/PJO AU

hi so. finally making a real post about this.

i apparently made this au like 2 years ago but the pjo brainrot came back and i've been hyperfixating on this au again. while it does also feature my OCs this post is about the jesslake au

for clarity, this au takes place in the world of the Percy Jackson books, and assumes the canon story of the books is finished. it takes place in about 2020 (pjo canon is currently around 2011 ish). You don't need to have read the books to understand the au (I haven't) but. some knowledge of the universe will definitely help

most of my notes about the au are in the images, but here's a rough timeline of the major events: (it's long)

Jesse is born in 2005. he is raised by his mom and his mortal/adoptive father, whom he knows isn't his bio dad but treats him like it anyways. he doesn't know he's a demigod or who his bio dad is

Lake and Tulip are born in 2006. they both struggle as babies, but Lake much more so; they nearly die. Hephaestus, their father, dips Lake in the River Styx, giving them the Curse of Achilles, though theirs works a little different (more details on that later/in another post)

Hephaestus sends Lake to Camp Half-Blood to be raised there. (Chiron serves as a father figure to Lake, and they actually get along pretty well.) Tulip never finds out she has a twin until she arrives at camp.

Lake lives at CHB their whole life growing up. Sometime around the age of 8-10ish, they encounter the flecs for the first time. In this au, they were people but were cursed to become monsters, and still hunt Lake relentlessly. Lake has a pretty gnarly scar from their first encounter.

When she's 13, Tulip finds out she's a halfblood and is brought to camp (have not figured out how/by who yet, open to ideas). One-one is an automaton her dad built for her, not sure about Atticus.

When they're 13, Lake decides they want to see the world. They leave camp mostly on a whim, but take enough time to pack a bag and leave a note for Chiron asking him not to try and find them. Chiron somehow (through the Oracle, and Apollo kid, idk) divines that Lake will bring another half-blood to camp safely, and he trusts Lake, so he doesn't try to find them.

Lake wanders on foot for about a month, heading southwest. Eventually, they end up in Arizona, where they meet and slowly become friends with Jesse. Jesse's parents are glad he's spending time with someone who's not his other friends, and they let Lake hang out at their house a lot. They (of course) know Jesse's a demigod, and start to suspect Lake might be too. (Lake also starts suspecting about Jesse)

The "man test" (or something very similar) happens after Jesse meets Lake, and Lake is there to witness it. However, Jesse's friends turn out to be monsters (were they monsters the whole time or did other monsters impersonate his friends? i don't know. lol) and Jesse and Lake have to go rescue Nate (from the underworld? from a monster's lair? somewhere else? again, i don't know)

After that quest, Jesse properly arrives at camp, and him and Lake become very close.

There's a small arc with Lake that I'm not sure where it fits, but here's works: the harrasment and attacks from the flecs are getting worse, and somehow during an attack Lake manages to kill them (Lake never wanted to kill them before because they used to be people, and somehow they know they won't come back like other monsters, so killing them is genuinely killing them). Lake still has to grapple with the fact that they were people and they killed them, but also that it was in self defense.

There's another more significant arc for Lake involving Hephaestus. Probably happens 2 ish years after they meet Jesse. Hephaestus... doesn't like Lake. It seems like he always wants Lake to prove themself to him, but Lake refuses. So instead, he forces them, by setting a trap. Lake nearly dies in his trap (a web of hot metal wires that tie them up like they're in a spider web, covering them in deep burns; it makes sense given Hephaestus' other myths I promise), thankfully, Lake is rescued by Tulip and Jesse. However, the whole thing is definitely traumatizing, and really solidifies in Lake that their dad is a fucking asshole. (me and @jesse-cosay wrote a fic of this, we're most likely going to post it soon!) (also, that scars from this are in the drawing, but they don't look as Bad as I want them too, I was struggling with making them look Bad enough)

Lake and Jesse have become friends with my OCs (Rain, child of Hypnos, and Kona, daughter of. Apollo. sort of. not quite. it's complicated. also Kona is Jesse's cousin!) over the past 2 years or so, and when one of them (Rain) ends up in the Underworld, they both go with the other (Kona) to help rescue them (I can definitely elaborate on that if people are interested, but it's very self indulgent lol)

okay, here's some random little things about this au:

Annabeth no longer has the most beads, Lake does. They have 13. Chiron made sure he collected the beads for them since they were brought to camp.

The other main characters are at camp too (mostly). Grace is the daughter of Aphrodite, Simon is the son of Ares, both have them have lived at camp since they were kids. Simon takes after Luke, thinking the gods should be taken down entirely.

Min is an Athena kid and Ryan is an Apollo kid

Alan Dracula is still basically the same. Chiron doesn't know how he can get into camp. Or if he's a monster. He just knows the deer helps protect campers, and that Lake loves him, so he leaves Alan be.

Lake used to have their own room (a repurposed guest room) in the Big House but now stays with Jesse in Cabin 3 (during the summer, the rest of the year they live with him in Arizona)

When Tulip arrived at camp people assumed she was a Demeter kid because of her name, quickly realized she definitely is not a Demeter kid

Lake has kicked Simon's ass in combat numerous times. It's very rare that Simon ever wins against them period. Simon hates Lake with a burning passion. He HATES that the tiny hephaestus kid can beat him up.

Jesse really doesn't like when people call Poseidon his dad, even if he knows it's true, because to him, his dad is Stephen Cosay, a mortal, who helped raise him and whom he loves.

with all that out there, please feel free to ask questions!!! i love this au so much and i would love to talk about it more. my ask box is open!!! or you can reply to this post. i'm going to reblog Yellow's art from this au and make sure it's tagged so you can find it. the tag is #it pjo au

[aroacedm]

AITL (am I the loser) for killing a mass murderer and a would-be mass murderer and lying about it? :(

So, I was teaching this kid because he reminded me of myself and I didn’t want him to go down the same road I did, which is filled with stab wounds. But that’s not relevant :D !!!

Oh some maybe relevant information is that this kid is the prince of the kingdom that massacred mine… :\  But that was like 500 years ago its not relevant anymore :)

There is a noble boy (we can call him al) who is the last mortal descendant of my family, and he is friends with the prince (we can call him L). L really values Al’s friend ship :)

There are some survivors from my old country, and most live in this new one in a specific district and face lots of discrimination :( but the prince wants to end that because he believes if he can be friends with someone from the old land, everyone can! (he is very idealistic but has amazing morals :D )  the surviving nobles from the old country are not very happy, but haven’t caused any trouble.

No one else knows I am the old prince from the old country, they don’t know anything about me. I am very cold and strict when teaching :[. I got the job because I saved L’s life when he was young by attacking kidnappers with a stick. L’s parents saw how skilled I was (not trying to brag :( but I have trained with swords for hundreds of years) and hired me to teach L.

It is L’s 18th birthday and his family is holding a feast. I chose not to go because I became immortal on my 17thand after I was banished (oh yeah ive been banished from heaven twice they don’t really like me but that’s fine :D) the year I would have turned 18 if I aged, I was stabbed 100 times within around an hour, my only two friends ever left me (it was my fault F and M if you are reading this) and my parents committed suicide. I was struggling with my experiences so I chose not to go to not make everyone else feel bad because of my behaviour. :(

I heard a commotion after a while so I rushed over to try and help, but I saw Al in a bloodstained room stabbing the king, L’s dad. L was no where in sight. Al ran, and I went to the king to try and help him. He told me Al did this, and everyone from the old kingdom will die for his actions. He was done for, there was no chance he would survive the day, but I still couldn’t let this happen. I stabbed him to prevent a genocide. L came in and thought I did everything. I didn’t correct him because I knew I deserved it. He ran off probably to alert others and I went to confront Al. I revealed who I actually was, and he attempted to get me to help him kill all of the people living in the country, including L. I used a method on him to make his organs dissolve and no mark to be left on him and I knew he would die shortly. 

I decided to let L fight me, but made it extremely easy for him to win. I let him believe I was dead, and he buried me in a 3 layer coffin with a stake through my heart (overkill :\) I waited for about 50 years so he wouldn’t be checking if I was dead. I knew I could easily push the stone away but apparently 50 years of no sun or movement makes you really weak. I was in there for about 100 years total but managed to escape eventually :)

You may be asking why this is relevant anymore, and that’s because L confronted me after realising I was his teacher (I’ve ascended again and this was in front of most gods). I said I did it in front of the emperor of heaven and he confined me to house arrest (idk why I wasn’t banished I asked to be) then my very close friend came and broke in to rescue me :D.

Lots of stuff happened but now everyone knows I didn’t actually kill everyone, and is angry that I falsely confessed. Some people are mad that I killed anyone, even if it was to prevent genocide. Am I in the wrong here? It was a split second decision to stop a racially targeted war, but I still feel guilty as the king was trying to improve relations between the people before the feast.

TLDR: My selfishly putting my bad memories over celebration caused me to not be able to stop a massacre. So I killed a guy to stop genocide and the person who did it who was planning to do it again. Then I lied and said I’d done all of it.

[chenkari]

Haven't made a personal post in a long time. I don't use tumblr like I used to, haha. I've been using it a little more lately though.

Bitchin' under the cut. Tw for depression, suicide, whatever.

I'm at a really low point in my life right now. We moved homes and it's been very hard on me. I lived in my old house for 24 years (since i was 5) and it's just very difficult for me to let go. I cry like every night about it, I miss my old house so bad. I'm thankful that I have a place to live and everything but it's just. So fucking hard. I know it'll get better with time but right now is so difficult. Thankfully we're still in the same state, initially my parents wanted to move out of state, so that's a plus. But regardless, we moved further away from my friends and work. My old commute to work was about 10 minutes, now it's 35-45. I hate my job, so having to drive further is like. So fucking annoying. Right now I'm off work on a medical leave, thankfully. I don't think I'd be able to function. I'm farther away from my best friend and while it isn't unmanageable, it's just.... idk frustrating. We've lived close together our whole lives.

I feel so isolated out here, it's further from the cities, there isn't a lot out here. I went on doordash and there were only 3 restaurants and a gift shop lmao. (major gripe: there is no target. im going to KILL MYSELF.)

I contemplated killing myself a lot. I'm so unhappy. I thought about doing it before we left the house. Like, so in a way so I wouldn't have to go. But I'm still alive. I still think about killing myself like every day though, especially at night. I think at night I become more emotional and shit. I'm alone with my thoughts in bed I guess, so I just think about it. I feel like this might be the most suicidal I've ever been in my life, and I've been trying to manage it but i'm struggling. I feel like I'm not even living. I'm just like. Surviving.

Something that has been really hard is like, my dad doesn't give a fuck. I can't be upset about moving in front of him cause he's like, oh my gooood, just get over iiiit. And like, I'm trying. But I'm allowed to be sad and miss my home too. Idk i want to be comforted by my family I guess. He's also just been more mean to me in general and idk why. Like I'll ask something totally... Normal. And he gets all pissed. Like I asked if he could pick up ramen noodles when he went to the store, and he got all pissed off. Like damn, sorry. And the thing is, I don't ask for much. I usually just ask my parents for like. A food item. I did ask recently for one of those mirror cabinets cause the new bathroom here does not have a lot of space. I asked about it again cause he never replied to my text and he yelled at me about that. Like, you can just say no. I just ended up buying it myself. Idk, i just wish he would say no instead of launching into yelling at me about it.

Idk I've just been so depressed lately, I can't bring myself to do anything productive. I just lay in bed. Even things I enjoy. I don't feel like playing games, I don't feel like talking to my friends, I don't feel like drawing. I just lay there doom scrolling on twitter. I've been a little better lately, I've been able to get out of bed and get on the computer for a bit. But still I have days where I just lay there.

I don't think i mentioned it on tumblr, but I'm a streamer now, (cringe ass vtuber. very small, not a big deal.) and while I normally like streaming, I can't bring myself to get back into my routine. My streams don't do so well too, so it's a bit disheartening. I'm not the most entertaining, it's my fault. Idk I'm just not very good at chatting about things going on cause I don't really have a lot going on. It's easier when people come watch and talk with me, but I can't expect that of people. I have to be better.

I'm scared about returning to work. I feel like I can't take it anymore. I hate my job so much, it's so fucking much. It's non stop work, no downtime, everything is always broken, and we don't have any appointments for people. (I make dr appointments for my job) All the appointments are like at least a week out and everyone is like "what the fuck" and I can't do shit about it. It's so stressful and idk. I don't want to go back. I've been looking for new jobs but I'm not having a lot of luck.

Tbh though I'm kinda in a tough financial situation right now so if anyone feels up to it, my paypal is https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/chenkari, I could use gas/grocery money. I would appreciate it.

I had to take Venus to the vet, she had an aural hematoma. They drained it, but her ear swelled up again. It is slowly going down now. I wonder how long until she'll be all better. I hope it isn't hurting her anymore. The cats have been good about the move. Sometimes Venus hides though and I can't find her anywhere :C I don't know where her hiding spot is wehh.

Anyways. Guess I just wanted to talk about what I was up to these days. Get it off my chest. Later.

[f0point5]

I always did wonder when people criticize Jos that how a mother could just leave her son like Sophie left Max? Especially knowing the kind of person Jos was. I know it's none of my business and Max has an amicable relationship with his dad, but I always thought that the same criticism should be applied to his mother who up and left with his sister. Like isn't his mother on the same page that Max needed his father and how he treated him to be where he is now? If she didn't believe this she would've taken him with her. Like she kinda agreed with Jos's methods and what not since she left Max with her. Doesn't that also make her a "bad parent" like the one that did the abuse? Sophie was also known in the motorsport world so it's not that he wouldn't have had a chance to get into it, and still Sophie decided that Max needed to be with his father to achieve what he wanted.

Obviously there must have been a lot going on that we didn't know about but you raise a valid point. I've never seen a person criticize Sophie with the same attitude they do with Jos, and people even go as far as praising Kvyat when we (at least I) know nothing about what P's life is like when she's with him. He's also still active in motorsports so if he had full custody, P would actually be more trackside or in the care of a nanny or idk but thinking about that is too much work, and people only really care is about hating on these perceived villains that they elevated Kelly and Jos to.

Sophie has been quoted as saying that she left Max with his dad because she knew if he was going to be successful with racing that’s where he needed to be. That’s pretty telling to me. She is also a racer, comes from a racing family also I think, surely if she hadn’t agreed with Jos’s methods at some point over the years she could have kept Max with her and continued his racing it didn’t have to be one of the other. But to me it seems like she knew that Jos was pouring his whole life into Max’s career and that that was his best chance of success. Which…fair enough. You’re the parents you make the calls. But I think it’s wild that even people who’ve got all this energy for Jos think that Sophie is this kind hearted Saint when she’s actually never come across that way to me at all. You left the guy, you know exactly who he is, and you left your son with him. So…what does that say about what you think the right way to raise a child is?

And to be clear, I don’t know any of these people and really even if I did, the only people any of them have to make peace with is their children. Max and Victoria both have a relationship with both parents, and Sophie and Jos seem to get along fine so tbh for all anyone has to say about all this…they’re literally doing better than 90% of broken families out there? Sorry but these kids aren’t raised in vacuum, it is bullshit to say they - or Jos - did absolutely everything wrong when they have a son who by all accounts is a nice person as well as incredibly successful and they have a pretty strong family unit which most divorced couples cannot even manage with half their stress.

But the fact remains that anyone who thinks Jos is abusive and the devil incarnate better be coming for Sophie as an enabler (but I’m not that person) and yet they never do.

Same way they come for Kelly for posting Penelope but nothing about Victoria using her newborn to advertise products or her sons to advertise Max’s merch. And I have no issue with either of things because they’re not my kids but what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

And yeah, Daniil is held up as a Saint for not posting Penelope on the internet but is never demonised for having a career that takes him away from her most of the year and then going on holiday without her (people were having a go at Kelly for taking Penelope on her holiday with friends to Portugal…where else should she leave the kid when her dad isn’t there? People take their kids places…shocker), but Kelly is lambasted for going to Paris for three days as if she’s left her child locked in a playpen with a cup of water or something. It is unhinged to care about any of this because if it’s not your kid, fuck off, but if you are going to be a Parasocial…let’s not do the double standard.

Or, alternatively, just admit you’re bitterly jealous of her and be done with it.

[zoominsainz]

Sainz Sr has always rubbed me the wrong way, maybe not like Jos Verstappen levels of ick, but pretty up there… that mentality he taught Carlos from the young age that he has to toughen up if he wants to succeed, I can’t imagine saying to my kid that he can’t be himself and be successful at the same time. And sure, maybe this mentality is right for the sport, but it seems like it’s not right for Carlos as a person which in turn affects him as an athlete because he’s afraid to disappoint his father or embarrass their family name so he has to play up the ‘tough’ act. Idk. My perception is that he’s just different than his dad but he’s been molded into someone else his whole life so there’s a big conflict inside of him. His dad needs to step away from managing Carlos’ career me thinks, I feel like that would bring Carlos at least some peace

I wanna relate the ‘toughen up’ with the way he acts around people, he’s so constructed around patriarcal masculinity that being soft around people is weak and so he has to masc his affection by being rough (ie. his way of showing affection is physical touch but feminine! So I’ll hit and shove and throw you around bc I’m a man and I’m supposed to be rough)

It’s so obvious that senior is the most important member of the sainz family, he’s a renowned sportsman plus I’m guessing he’s the responsible one for the family’s wealth and political power so everyone looks up to him as the leader and so being named Carlos, after him is such a big honor and you’re the only boy! So you have to carry on the legacy of the successful sainz family, so you have to live up to be as great and efficient and be a leader, be a shark, a force to be reckoned with, that’s what you father tells you since you are 6, and all the family around you telling you “you got to be as great as your father”. In a family with such conservative and patriarcal values there’s no room to make a mistake or even be mid, it’s glory or failure, and they won’t hesitate throwing at his face everything they have given him and his only job being to be the person they boast around in gatherings and events.

But Carlos, he’s soft, he show he cares, he doesn’t like putting people down, he never boasts about winning bc he can see that the real fun part was the activity and not the result, ofc he likes winning, everyone does but like with lando, when asked who wins at golf and saying ‘oh in the end we didn’t keep score’ or with charles in the challenges, whenever charles gets too competitive he always offers to share the points instead or recognizing his efforts out loud.

I think he does feel immense pressure of living to his dads standards, show him he can be as good as his dad expects him to be, a carlos sainz as good as carlos sainz and the spanish media have a whole cultural background approach to carlos that he has to be perceived as a tough, emotionless guy, he always sounds snarky and very masculine coded when talking to dazn, very matter of fact. With his country also expecting him to succeed like the other spaniard in the grid with 2 wdc.

I agree with you, if his dad stopped managing him I think he would be able to relax and craft his approach to the sport that he loves in a more personal way and not with his dads expectations but also financial and political interests looming over him.

This was very rambly and messy and the anthropological pov discourse possessed me for a little bit there.

If you have any more thoughts I’ll be happy to read them.

[cookinguptales]

hey i have severe chronic pain that i am only now starting to manage properly. just wanted to let you know that i see your struggle. most people don't realize how much time and energy goes into managing chronic health conditions and how much it can affect all aspects of your life. please take care, ask for help, and be kind to yourself.

Thanks. ;; It can be hard for me to ask for help, admittedly. I struggle with feeling useless and like a burden still, even after all these years. My hands have been deteriorating over the past year or so in addition to my usual problems, so when I'm flaring I have trouble opening a lot of packaging. (Twist-top bottle caps, my beloathed.)

idk, something about struggling to open a package of crackers and failing to do so just kind of sent me over the edge. It kind of made me feel like I couldn't even do the things that children do anymore. I'm feeling a little better today, though, and I did one of my medical treatments last night. So I'm in a little less pain. It's still gonna be a rough week, but I'll get through it.

Thankfully, this time of year I'm usually with my parents. I don't handle heat well for medical reasons, so this time of year I usually go visit my family, who lives out in Northern California. It's nice and cold here! And Dad has been opening bottles for me. :')

I think Dad can tell that I've been feeling down for the past few days because he's been taking me out to lunch "to get me out of the house." We saw seals down at the harbor the other day, and today we're driving out to a brewery that we both like in Anderson Valley. It should be a nice day.

I appreciate your understanding and empathy, and it was sweet of you to send me a message like this. I struggle with my worsening body a lot and do have days where I feel like I can't do anything right and no one will ever love me, but some people definitely do. So I'll be okay.

[demodraws0606]

You know I feel like people don't point out how unsettling Whit's reactions to the killing game is. How in the fuck did he react in a tamer way than Veronika during Min's execution, Veronika...the person that ENJOYS the killing game.

I mean it could be easy to say that he's just repressing it all but even then someone would have to be TRAINED to act so comfortable around gruesome events let alone joke about it. Not even characters like David who actively have a facade manage to keep it up perfectly under stress. In fact it more so seem like Whit is trying to blend in more than anything, trying to say words that would fit in the situation (ex :"that's horrible") but it coming off completely different than what a normal reaction would be.

It's gonna sound like I'm reaching but that added onto the fact that he will actively keep the secrets of people who are obviously suspicious and could be culprits (david and eden) mixed onto the secret phrase "We often idolize the dead" makes me wonder a lot of things. Like outside of my own personal beliefs of Whit being the mastermind, I genuinely think his mother might've been...a serial killer or at least murdered A person. Now that is a huge fucking jump and it sounds ridiculous but like after pointing out everything you can kinda get an idea of where I'm coming from. Whit's non-reaction to the killing game and the murders that happen within it along with his obsession of keeping people's secrets. That and the fact his father very much abandonned him (tbf dad's do do that sometimes so idk) makes me turn towards the idea that his mom wasn't the best person. Honestly the thing that raises the most flags for me is the word "idolisation", like it's not him obsessing over or not being able to move on, it's idolising her. Painting his mom as like a perfect person who did nothing wrong, putting her on a pedestal. Idk that wording would have a lot more meaning if his mom wasn't actually as great as Whit pretended she was.

Maybe he thought his mom was justified or was allowed to keep people and therefore that's why he has that mentality of always keeping secrets to protect people.

Whit often talks about how "normal" he is during the killing game and how "nothing happened in his life guys" that it pretty much just feels like it has to be some kind of subvertion especially with how suspicious and mysterious his entire behavior is.

[winderlylandchime]

It has been an INSANE few months. Don’t get me wrong, while this man is not one for wanting kids or marriage, he is a giant marshmallow that loves romance stuff (even tho from past observations dating him is like doing bunch of side quests in a video game). That being said: I really really really wish you could see this man for the past few months. He’s still a giant dumbass, who has no filter and does dumb shit (last week he “borrowed” a plate from a restaurant bc he wasnt finished eating his spaghetti when dad decided that they were leaving, please try to imagine my dads look when he looked at the passenger side and realized my brother took the plate and fork) That being said, for the past few months he has been a blushing, giggling IDIOT! And he is still this way. I told Nick I know how annoying he can be in recovery and he went "idk what you mean, he's been very good" and I wanted to fight both of them. I HAD TO CHASE THAT MAN DOWN A STREET CAUSE HE WAS MAD AT CRAIG! meanwhile my boy Nick says "babe, maybe take a nap" and he goes "good idea but tv stays on so I feel like I'm winning this argument a little bit" ugh.

He really had zero idea what was happening until that pool/bar date and even that it was only because on the way home he stopped at his friends place and he was telling them about the “cool new guy he made friends with” and during the telling of the game and how he “let him win” he realized that he had Nick do the move that usually he would do on his dates. According to one of the friends there, it was like watching the oh…oh…OH..OH FUCK, in real life except he didn’t know he had the oh moment. (I asked btw, he had it while trying to sleep and out of nowhere he realized he actually likes him in a "gay way and not in an ALLY! way") (he is also upset about no longer being able to do the ally fist)

I do have to give my man Nick some credit tho. He found out about his qaf/Brian obsession and about the fact that bunch of strangers watched him react to it and he thought it was the most hilarious thing ever and I read him some of my brothers highlights and he actually found it adorable and funnt. Insane behavior if you ask me. It did however make me feel better when he learned about his Brian crush and went “you basically had a crush on him and you still thought we were just two bros hanging out?” And that idiot went “that’s no- OH MY GOD WAS BRIAN MY AWAKENING?!?!” (The answer from dad was ‘no, cause you were clearly asleep when you met’) Also his face was priceless when he found out that my brother played pool. It really was a dummy going on dates and not realizing it and a guy thinking he’s dating the most shy guy ever. He has since learned that my brother does not know that word.

I will have you know tho that about a month into their relationship we were having lunch and he looked at me in horror and went “oh no, they have that hashtag for me as straight brother. This will totally fuck it up for them” and I had to remind him that he is just a random guy and he got upset with me and went “yeah, but you can’t tell me that they won’t be at least a tiny 2% happy to know that I of all people managed to make Bri Bri proud!”  Btw the rimming joke actually made me laugh bc I was unfortunately a witness to him saying "Oh just like in quee-" and Nick going "yeah, no..let's not take inspirations from that"

SPOILER ALERT. Those following along, go back and read these in order!

Dear sweet anon, I AM DYING AT THESE UPDATES.

I snorted at the idea of him walking out of restaurant with a plate and a fork.

Nick is having it easy because your brother is still trying to impress him. One day he will see the full beast unleashed.

He can still make the fist about being an ally... just for other letters of the LGBTQIA community.

"You had a crush on him and still thought we were still bros hanging out" is sending me. Nick is a saint and I adore him already.

You and your brother are SO important. I do need to change the tag. And we are proud that my fanfic, QAF, and a matchmaker who clearly saw your brother better than he saw himself have all led to boyfriending Nick. I think this all counts for our recruitment numbers for the year.