#but i'm worried that i don't understand it and am not getting it right

[merrinla]

Davrin vs Lucanis cut content. Actually, some of it was rewritten, but most of it was cut.

I guess this is a previous version of the dialogue after Weisshaupt.

Davrin: My problem is you've got a demon in you. That's enough to lock you away. But you're also very good at killing people. Davrin: Combine the two, and I don't know how we let you anywhere near this team. Lucanis: Because it wasn't your decision. (?): Lay off, Davrin. It's not your place to interrogate him. (?): Rook made the call. Rook: All right, all right. That's enough. Davrin: No, it isn't. Davrin: If this demon gets out of hand we're all in trouble. Rook: I'm not worried about Lucanis. Davrin: But you should be…. (?): But you were worried, Rook. Rook: Well, I'm not now. Rook: Everyone deserves a chance. Rook: I stand by my decision. Lucanis and his demon will behave. Davrin: But how can you know that? What if Spite attacks Assan? Lucanis: He'd win. Davrin: What? If anything happens to Assan— Lucanis: The Venatori were better at it. Davrin: Yeah? Well they had your number real good. Lucanis: And what about you, Warden? Don't all your kind have the blood of darkspawn in your veins? Davrin: What do you know about that? Lucanis: Adamant Fortress. The Wardens must have told stories about it. Everyone else did. Lucanis: Prison warden… Grey Warden, what's the difference? Davrin: Let me get my blade and I'll show you— Rook: Careful there, Lucanis. I'm a Grey Warden too. option: Both of you work this out. Rook: You're adults. You can settle how to work together yourselves. option: Davrin is right. Rook: Obviously, having a demon in the Lighthouse is dangerous. We can't pretend otherwise. Lucanis: You're no longer glad I'm here? Rook: I am. But Davrin's not wrong. Lucanis: And I thought we were getting along. Rook: I still need to be careful. option: Lucanis is right. Rook: Every single person on this team is dangerous. Nice, safe, regular people don't fight ancient gods. (?): We're being careful. I'll be keeping an eye on Lucanis. (?): I'll be watching Lucanis. (?): Somebody has to. Lucanis: Such fine hospitality. Davrin: Just be grateful you're not back in the Ossuary.

The conversation with Varric after that.

Rook: Davrin and Lucanis hated each other on sight. And I just ticked off Lucanis. Again. The minute he got back. Rook: Davrin and Lucanis hated each other on sight, and now Lucanis is probably ticked at me. Rook: Davrin and Lucanis hated each other instantly. And now Davrin's ticked off at me. Rook: Davrin and Lucanis hated each other on sight. And now they're both ticked at me. Varric: Don't panic. Things always seem impossible. Just fight one battle at a time. option: I need to find the enemy. Rook: I can't fight any battles right now, Varric. We have no targets. Rook: Don't give me sage advice. Give me a target. option: I need a plan, not platitudes. Rook: I know you're trying to help. Rook: I appreciate the effort, Varric, but that doesn't exactly help when we don't know where to go next. Varric: Look around you. You've got all these people. Experts in all sorts of things. Rook: I just told you, the team— Varric: No, no. That's the problem. You have people. Not a team. They don't know each other, and they don't know you. Varric: Work on getting to know them. The better you understand your people, the closer you get to having a team. Rook: Understanding won't make them work together. Varric: No, you have to do that. Which means they all have to trust you. Even if they hate each other. Rook: That's not going to work. Varric: It's worth a try. Rook: How? I've never led people like these before. Varric: Ordinarily, I'd say you should get them all into a game of Wicked Grace, but I think you'll have to work up to that. Varric: Start with Lucanis and Davrin. Something else must be eating at them, to get them at each other's throats. Rook: I guess it can't hurt. Varric: That's the spirit.

Another squabble.

(?): The trail's gone cold. (?): We don't have any leads. Rook: Hey, what's— Davrin: You're the Crow! You're supposed to have eyes and ears everywhere! Or maybe the only voice you hear is Spite's! Rook: I said, Hey! Lucanis: You're the Grey Warden, the "expert" on all this blight! You're supposed to have answers! Lucanis: Maybe you're spending too much time playing with your flying cat! Rook: So the two of you decide to tear into each other? Knock it off. Rook: That's not anyone's fault. We just haven't caught a break yet. Lucanis: Tell him that. You said it yourself, Rook: Davrin's the problem. Davrin: Tell him that. You said it yourself, Rook: Lucanis is the problem. Rook: Seriously! You need to take all this anger and use it against Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain! Davrin: I'd love nothing more. Just as soon as Lucanis and his Crows do anything to find them. Lucanis: We're waiting for you and your Wardens to remember your job is to… What is it again? Oh, yes—destroy the blight. Rook: You think it makes me happy? I'm pissed off, too Davrin: You should be pissed at him. You said it yourself, Rook: Lucanis is a problem. Lucanis: You should be pissed at him. You said it yourself, Rook: Davrin is a problem. Lucanis: You should be pissed at him. I tried to warn you. Davrin: I tried to warn you about him, Rook. Davrin: If you'd listened to me about him, we wouldn't have this problem. Lucanis: You said it yourself, Rook: Davrin is a problem. Davrin: You said it yourself, Rook, Lucanis is a problem. Rook: The way you two are going, I'd rather spend my time talking with Solas. Rook: I wouldn't mind a little break from reality right about now. Can you guys knock this off? Rook: I know you're both doing your best. That doesn't mean you have to like each other. Rook: But it does mean you have to stop the constant fighting. Okay? Rook: I'm not tolerating this. You're both professionals and I expect you to act like it. Understood? Davrin: I hear you, Rook. But as a professional my duty is to keep an eye on him and Spite. Lucanis: And with darkspawn blood running through your veins, I'll be watching you. Professionally.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I understand that times are very stressful right now and everyone is jumpy and on a hair-trigger, but I've noticed a very, very worrying trend in policing others' lived experiences in online trans spaces in the past week.

Being used as a political punching bag is fucking awful and stressful and I'm not gonna blame anyone for being jumpy. But we have got to collectively accept that other trans people are going to have lived experiences you don't relate to (and in fact that you can even find fundamentally opposed to your own), and that people with these different lived experiences are not your enemy, or it's going to be so much harder to stand as a community through this.

I have seen so much talk lately about how some trans people are just OBVIOUSLY tailoring their language to make cis people more comfortable, firmly medicalize being trans, etc., and I know that's not true because you're talking about my lived experiences here. I'm one of those trans people who knew I was trans at a very young age (like, telling my mom "I'm a boy" at five or six, getting sent home from school for refusing to play on the girls' team, etc.), and I relate more strongly to the "being trans is not a choice" argument against transphobes because for me it never was. Gender may be a social construct but I still feel a firm and deeply-personal internal sense that I am a man and always have been - for me, being trans was never just a matter of "I'd be happier as a man," it's always been "I am a man." I am not wrong for feeling this way.

And other trans people are not wrong for feeling that being trans, for them, was a choice! Other trans people who describe their experience, for example, as "I used to be a girl but now I'm a man" don't share my experience, but that doesn't make it bad. These people are not hurting me even though my experience is in many ways the exact opposite, and I'm not hurting them. We're both just as trans.

The problem here comes when someone tries to tell other trans people how they should talk about and understand their lived experiences. That's not on. Other trans people are not your enemy and we're all allowed to have our own nuanced and deeply personal understandings of gender and identity.

[mj-iza-writer]

Whumpee heard a car pull into the driveway. They hurried to kneel next to Whumper's chair at the dinner table.

"Master is late. They must have gotten food out", Whumpee sighed as they got into their begging position, "they normally don't share that type of food with me. Still, I can beg, and they may like it that I am already in position."

The door slammed in, causing Whumpee to jump. Several large uniformed personal poured into the house. Guns aimed at Whumpee.

Whumpee fell over fearfully and yelped.

"Please don't shoot. I'm a lowly slave... I didn't...", Whumpee looked down at a wet spot that had formed in their thin shorts, "m-my master.... didn't let me go to the bathroom yet", they looked up with embarrassment.

"What's your name?", one of the armored people commanded as they followed Whumpee's eyes to the accident.

"Whumpee", they answered, "my master isn't home."

The armored person looked over Whumpee. Bruises and scars were evident all over the visible parts on Whumpee's body.

Speaking of visible... they were barely clothed.

Whumpee whimpered.

"The house is clear. We only see the one person", a person yelled from a different part of the house.

"Why are your hands behind your back?", the person glanced around them.

Whumpee shook, "Master likes my hands tied behind my back. They've been like that for months. Only released for chores", Whumpee explained quickly, "please, where is my master?"

"We are with law enforcement. Hold still", the person pulled out a knife.

"No please", Whumpee pleaded, "Master will do it again... only tighter. My punishment for being freed without permission", Whumpee screamed as the knife cut through the ropes.

"We don't have to worry about Whumper. They are in custody. You are coming with us."

Whumpee stared nervously at the doorway of their medical room.

"Any moment Master will walk through that door. Everything will be straightened out. I'll be punished, but hopefully, they will show mercy. I tried to behave", Whumpee kept their arms tucked behind them. It was a little difficult to do with a needle in their arm, but they needed to be presentable when their master came in.

They looked at a bag of liquid that seemed to be connected to the needle.

"Maybe Master will allow me to ask a few questions about what is going on", Whumpee looked around the room, "I don't remember anything like this."

They looked down at the clothes they had been given.

"So embarrassing for Master's slave to pee themself. I hope it doesn't stain the rug. I wish I had been given a few minutes to clean that", Whumpee sighed, "maybe Master's will understand. They had been gone for a while, and didn't give me permission to go. I was good and waited.... Who am I kidding. Master is going to kill me for that. It was the new carpet."

The door opened, causing Whumpee to straighten up.

Another person with a white coat came in.

"Hello Whumpee", they sat down right by the bed, "how are we feeling? Will you bring out your arms. I'd like to see how the rope marks are doing. I'm sure you will feel more comfortable."

"My Master likes my arms behind my back. I'm waiting for them to return", Whumpee slowly brought their arms out.

"I'm sorry, but you don't have to wait. You will probably not see them for a while actually", they smiled, "how is your nurse treating you? You denied a meal a earlier. I think you sound pretty hungry to be denying food."

Whumpee frowned as their stomach girgled, "Master hasn't given me permission to eat yet."

"How about, as your doctor, I give you permission. I think you could really use some food", the doctor smiled, "I won't tell your master if you won't... our little secret."

"Secrets will get me punished harshly", Whumpee frowned.

"Are these bruises and scars from punishments?", the doctor looked over a few notes.

"Yes, and just normal corrections and training. Master says it will keep me in line. He likes an obedient slave", Whumpee smiled, "I'm a good Whumpee."

"I'm sure you are", the doctor smiled weakly.

The next morning, Whumpee woke up to the door being opened.

"Master... oh" Whumpee saw the person that had talked to them at Whumper's home.

"It's me. I wanted to check in on you. I've been thinking about you all night", they came in and sat down, "my name is Don, by the way. I don't think I told you that."

Whumpee frowned, "I'm sorry for peeing myself. That's not how good slaves act."

"It's alright, I think I would have done the same in that situation", Don laughed.

"Where is my master?", Whumpee asked again, "no one is answering me."

Don sighed and leaned up closely, "your Master... is in a lot of trouble right now. I can't talk about it openly with you. Just know they are not going to be free for a while. Especially with the information we are finding out, and what we have found out about you. They won't hurt you any longer."

"Did I do something wrong?", Whumpee whispered.

"No you haven't done anything wrong. You have helped us greatly. I will actually be taking you to a friend of mine later today. My friend is going to take care of you for a while. They really want to know what your favorite food is, so they can make it for you for dinner", Don smiled.

"Someone wants to take care of me?", Whumpee stared, "but why?"

"Well, they do it for a living. Take care of cases like yours. They love doing it", Don nodded, "the moment I saw you, I knew I had to get you into Caretaker's hands. He will help you so much."

Whumpee stared out the window of the car.

"Can I at least see my master?", Whumpee turned to Don, "get any orders for how they want me to behave until I'm back with them again."

"I'm sorry Whumpee, but you can't. You'll have to follow what Caretaker tells you for right now", Don turned into a neighborhood, "I'll stay for a little while to make sure you are settled in."

Whumpee watched the houses in the neighborhood while until they pulled into one.

"Here we are", Don smiled.

Whumpee followed Don to the door and hid behind them while they waited.

A nurse had given them a stuffed bear while they were being discharged. They hugged onto it tightly.

"Hey Caretaker", Don greeted when the door finally opened.

"Hello, I just finished getting the room ready. Perfect timing", the elderly man smiled.

Whumpee shook as Don moved aside. They quickly darted behind Don again.

"A little shy, and a lot confused. I'm afraid I have a difficult case for you", Don said apologetically.

"That's alright, just means they need a little more love. I have just want they need", Caretaker knelt down to be eye level with Whumpee, "welcome to my home. I hope you will find it very comfy."

Whumpee stared out the window for a while after Don left. The bear still wrapped tightly in their arms.

"Something smells delicious", Whumpee shyly sniffed a few times.

"Whumpee, dinner is about ready if you would like to sit at the table here", Caretaker came around carrying a few cups, "I know you haven't eaten for a while, so I'm sure you're hungry. You will be required to eat this meal though. That is a rule here."

Whumpee felt a wave of relief when they heard a rule. Something to follow.... finally.

Whumpee stared at the table wondering where Caretaker would sit. They finally knelt beside a chair. They glanced at their arms for a moment before tucking them behind their back. The stuffed bear sat next to them on the floor.

Caretaker glanced out at them.

"Oh Whumpee, may I ask what you are up to?", Caretaker stepped out to them.

"This is how my master had me sit for their meals", Whumpee looked at themself nervously, "is this okay?"

"Well, I had you sitting in one of the chairs at the table in mind, my dear", Caretaker smiled comfortingly, "could you tell me how you ate."

"My Master would have me beg beside their lap while they ate. They would give me a bite or two while they ate their meal. When they finished they would set the plate on the floor for me to finish the leftovers", Whumpee frowned.

"Oh", Caretaker tried to hide their saddened shock, "and, uh, you had your arms tied behind your back often. How would you eat?"

"Just bend over and eat with my mouth. It was hard at first. You just had to be careful about getting food on the carpet", Whumpee smiled at themself, "I was very good for my Master. I just sometimes wished he had left me a few extra bites. I was often hungry, but I never asked for more."

"I'm sure you were very good for them, and thankyou for sharing that with me", Caretaker smiled, "let's try eating at the table tonight", Caretaker reached for the bear, then helped Whumpee up, "I can assure you, you will not walk away from my table hungry. I made your favorites."

Whumpee sat at the table shyly. This was a new experience, they had never been allowed on Master's furniture.

"Ar-are you sure you want me at the table?", they asked when Caretaker came in.

"Of course I'm sure", Caretaker set a plate and a bowl down in front of Whumpee, "that way you can eat comfortably.

"Wow", Whumpee stared at the food. They hadn't seen this much food set in front of them since one of their Master's friends snuck them a plate at a dinner party.

"You have a delicious salad, spaghetti, garlic bread. Then we have a slice of chocolate cake for dessert", Caretaker smiled as Whumpee stared at the food with wide eyes, "of course we have milk, juice, and water to drink as well."

"I get all of this?", Whumpee looked at them in shock.

"Yes, I'll be right back with my plates. Now you do have to eat, but you do not have to eat it all. I know there is a lot here. Eat until you're satisfied", Caretaker smiled as they turned, "no need to make yourself sick by overindulgence."

Whumpee waited until Caretaker came back out.

"You can eat", Caretaker sat down, "I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you need anything."

"If feels weird", Whumpee looked at the plate again, "I've never been offered so much food. I also don't have my Master's permission to eat. But... for the first time... I-I don't care."

Caretaker smiled comfortingly, "that's why I always make my patient's favorite for their first meal with me. It's easier to break a rule if it's something they like. Then, after that, they realize that nothing bad happened. Then a while down the road they realize nothing bad is going to happen. You are very well behaved, I can imagine what your Master has done to you by your behavior alone. You are very much safe here, I promise. I have Don on speed dial if anything bad does happen."

Whumpee stared sadly at the cake.

"You can have it later if you like. You definitely enjoyed your meal", Caretaker smiled at the almost empty plates.

"It all tasted so good. I haven't had food like this in so long", Whumpee looked at their plates, "I'll go start washing dishes for you. Maybe after that I'll be able to eat the cake."

Caretaker stood, "you don't have to worry about doing chores while you're here. You can help me though if you like. Maybe after that we can come out here and see about the cake."

"N-no chores.... but how will I earn my keep?", Whumpee stood quickly to try to help.

"You don't have to earn anything here", Caretaker smiled, "I know it is hard to understand that, so I will allow you to help me if you want to. You don't have to though. You are here to heal and recuperate. It is my job to make sure you do that."

Whumpee frowned, "I don't really understand", they gave a worried look, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, in time you will be more comfortable", Caretaker led them to the kitchen, "so, do you want to help me. I actually have a dishwasher, so this task is quite easy."

"Dishwasher, I've never been allowed to use one", Whumpee whispered, "Master says the dishes get washed better by hand. It was the only time my hands would be untied. I would have to do my chores in the evening when he was home to untie me. The day was spent walking up and down the hall, so I didn't become lazy. If master logged into the camera and saw me sitting or not pacing...", Whumpee shuddered as they remembered.

"Yes, some dishes do wash better by hand. I don't use those dishes", Caretaker smirked, "a note on those rules... if you need to use the bathroom, please go. You do not need permission to use the bathroom."

Whumpee nodded, "thankyou", they sighed in relief.

Whumpee rinsed the dishes as Caretaker had showed them. Caretaker then took the dish and placed it in the dishwasher.

"Alright, all done", Caretaker pressed a button, "have you worked up a hunger for cake yet?"

"I-I don't know. That was faster than I thought it would be", Whumpee felt their stomach, "its still full."

"Mine is too", Caretaker nodded

That night, Whumpee stood very close to something they hadn't had access to in years.

Caretaker walked by and peaked in.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"Overwhelmed", Whumpee turned and looked at Caretaker, "you really want me to sleep in one of your beds?"

"Yes, of course. I wouldn't have made it for you otherwise", Caretaker came into the room, "you are allowed to use any of my furniture. You are allowed to sleep in that bed. That is your bed for the time being."

"M-my bed" Whumpee looked at it again.

They reached a shaky hand to the blankets and felt how soft it all was.

"Your bed", Caretaker nodded, "are you ready to climb in. I'm sure this will feel so good. You just showered. I find fresh clean bedding to feel so good after a shower."

"I've slept on the floor for so long. It's a lot to just be allowed in a bed now", Whumpee whispered.

"I'm sure it is, and I'm sorry you're overwhelmed by it all", Caretaker started to untuck the blankets, "I promise you, you deserve to sleep in your bed. You have done everything required of a good slave. Now take your reward. Think of your recovery as your reward. All of this is so well deserved."

Whumpee smiled weakly.

Chills ran up their spine as they climbed into the bed. The sheets tingled against their skin.

Caretaker smiled as they pulled the blankets up for Whumpee. They tucked in Whumpee's bear from the hospital.

"You look quite cozy", Caretaker moved some of Whumpee's hair out of their face.

"It-it feels different... a good different", Whumpee answered.

"You remember where my room is right?", Caretaker smiled, "you can come get me any time tonight... for any reason."

"Yes Caretaker", Whumpee nodded.

"Very good", Caretaker smiled, "well, I guess I'm going to leave you to it. I hope you have a goodnight sleep. You deserve it. Unless otherwise, I will see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Caretaker. Thankyou for everything, I appreciate how patient and merciful you are to me", Whumpee smiled.

"You're welcome", Caretaker winked, "it's not hard to be patient with you. I hope you know that. Goodnight Whumpee."

Caretaker was up a little later.

They texted Don to update them on how the rest of the day had gone.

Caretaker stepped into Whumpee's room to check on them before they went off to bed.

Whumpee had gotten into a comfortable position and was quietly snoring.

"You have a long road of recovery. Whatever that person has done to you has hurt you greatly. I'm going to help you. You'll be alright" Caretaker whispered as they watched Whumpee, "I'm sorry for what you've been through, but it's over now. All that's left is the rest of your life."

Whumpee moved slightly in their sleep, and quickly began snoring again.

Caretaker adjusted the blanket.

"Goodnight Whumpee", Caretaker smiled as they left the room and hurried to bed, "they had another day tomorrow."

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet @painfulplots

@whumpbump @everythingsscary

@skittles-the-whumpee @expressionless-fr

@theforeverdyingperson @legendarydelusiongoatee

@candleshopmenace @whumpanthems

@lavndvrr @ivymyers

@starfields08000 @a-living-canvas

@lumpofsand @watermeezer

@indigoviolet311 @whumpy-mountains

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@isikedmyself878 @daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud

@valravnthefrenchie @glennemerald

@jasperthecapser @does-directions

@deafeninglittlecrown @jumpywhumpywriter

@blackbirdsinatrenchcoat @mylifeisonthebookshelf

@thenormalestever @whatwhump

@galatic-worm @starmoon-constellation

@bacillusinfection @whumpsandbumps

@tobiasbones @octopus-reactivated

@string-of-broken-hearts @weirdthingweee

@kawaii-cakes @phoenixpromptsandstuff

@alyscat

[cherryblossompink303]

Patience: ~A day in the life of the L/N family!~

➼ pairing: Kyoya Ootori x Reader ➼ summary: all hell breaks loose when the host club pays an unexpected visit on the day the L/N family visits ➼ what to expect:  "what is your problem with me and Kyoya hanging out?” ➼ warnings: Angst ➼ Part Nine | Part Eleven

"I have never seen you so stressed before" Kyoya raises an eyebrow from the kitchen island where he's sat, watching on as you frantically blitz through cleaning the apartment "Yeah...it's...a whole thing, I get tense on days like this"

"I'm sure you are worrying over nothing" Kyoya took a sip of water "You could always help me instead of sitting there" Kyoya furrowed his brows as if the mere idea of him cleaning disgusts him. "I'd rather call one of our maids" you pause. "You could do that?"

Kyoya raises an eyebrow "Yes, you know that all employees of the Ootori family also answer to you yes? I can have a cleaner here in five minutes" You send kyoya a dead pan stare "If you knew that this entire time why have you been watching me stress clean all morning?"

Kyoya shrugs "I thought you just liked to clean" your jaw drops "Who likes to clean?" Kyoya rolls his eyes through a laugh, picking up his phone "We should just about have enough time, ill send a message over now"

As if on cue the door knocks as he places the phone back down on the counter. "That was...fast" you squint at the door in skepticism. "Unless...no..."

Kyoya shot out of his seat, you wearily approached the door, quickly fixing your hair and taking a deep breath before opening it.

To your surpise it was not a maid or even your expected guests.

"Y/n-senpai!" The members of the host club cheered in unison, Haruhi standing awkwardly behind them. "What-How- are you here?"

"You said we could come, remember? You said that if we stopped fighting we could visit you" Hikaru smirks deviously "Then the rest got curious and tagged along" Kaoru chimed in.

"Yes but not now! Look guys this really is not a good time maybe-"

"Y/N is your- oh." Kyoya appears in the hallway, freezing at the sight of the other hosts "Kyo-chan?" Honey's head tilts to the side as the rest of the club stare at him in confusion "What are you doing in y/n-senpai's apartment?"

"Y/n! You let Kyoya visit you before the rest of us! Alone! I am horrified! You should know that it is inappropriate for a young girl to be alone in the home with a man. Especially before marriage!"

You raise an eyebrow "Tamaki, you know that Kyoya own's my apartment right?" you don't understand Tamaki's babble at the best of times especially not now. "Oh, so he's your...landlord?"

"More just that I'm staying in one of his family's properties, I don't pay him rent, anyway like I said now is really not a good time so-"

"Are you two on a date?" Kaoru points between the two of you "No! No, I just, we were just...." you sigh "My family is coming to visit today"

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

A day in the life of the l/n family!

♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡        ♡

"I keep forgetting that your family lives in europe" Haruhi helps you make tea after being (reluctantly) convinced to let them in for a little bit until your family arrives. "Yes well...they figured it would be best since most likely I will end up living in Japan, also to get to know Kyoya"

"This is a nice place Y/n-chan, cute!" honey swings back an forth on his seat, opening the box of cake he had brought with him. "Yeah well normally I would not do this but if I could ask you guys to not make a mess"

"Do you not have a maid y/n?" Hikaru questions, which normally you would answer no however it does remind you that Kyoya had called for a maid a while ago now. "I...personally no, however... kyoya?"

Kyoya was already on the phone before you had to really needed to ask him."I see...okay...no...no...yes... you might as well...okay." he sighs as he hangs up "small problem."

"huh?"

"There is a large crash on the road, apparently it has completely closed off, the driver has had to turn back otherwise he would not be back in time to pick up your parents" your face falls "You're joking"

You knew that Kyoya wasn't, he doesn't do stuff like that. “Okay! Well, great to see you guys but no offence you all need to leave”

“Aw come on y/n” the twins chorused. “I need to get this place clean” you remain firm. “We could help y/n-Chan!” Honey butts in. “Huh?”

“Yes, good idea honey. We will help you clean and then in turn we will be spending more time here and less time of you and Kyoya alone” tamaki puts a finger to his chin.

“Non of you have cleaned a day in your life, and what is your problem with me and Kyoya hanging out”

“Hey! It can’t be that hard” hikaru cries "We can get this done really quick with all eight of us"

"Alright gentlemen!" You know that there is no arguing once Tamaki switches into this mindset, the host club lining up like a military troup. "We have one hour until Mr and Mrs L/N will be arriving" he marches up and down the line.

"The twins take the living room, Mitskuni and Takashi take the bathroom, Kyoya and I will take the kitchen and the girls will do the bedroom"

"Yes sir!" the host club salutes, rushing off to work before you get to do anything. This is going to be a disaster, you just know it. "I should have just let them continue fighting" You mutter to yourself before heading into the bedroom with Haruhi.

"Are you okay? You seem really stressed out over your family visiting”

You sigh “they just…have very high expectations for me is all, I’m an only child, so for the sake of the family company they have to rely on me to get a good education and marry well”

"I didn't realise there was that much pressure on you"

"We don't like to talk about it in the host club but that is just kind of how it is in our world. Tamaki is in a similar position to me, we were both sent to Japan to increase our families standings."

"Wow" haruhi mutters, dusting off your windowsill "Don't worry, we're all still ridiculously rich it isn't all bad, in full honesty the engagement I have to Kyoya has done more good for me than it has bad. Which is why I cannot give my family or his any reason to break it off"

"Would they do that? I mean this has been arranged for a while hasn't it?" you nodded "we were thirteen, but my father can be....easily offended, and I have gotten the impression that Kyoya's father is the same"

A crash in the other room catches both your attentions "Oh god"

low and behold once you run out into the main living area there was the twins and tamaki, wrestling on the floor along with your entire couch dismantled and scattered around the room. "You have got to be kidding" Your face fell at the sight, you could already feel the tears welling up inside as you realise that you had maybe ten minutes left until Kyoya's driver will arrive.

"Are you guys kidding? What on earth are you doing?" Haruhi yelled out, grabbing the attention of the three boys on the floor, honey and mori stood awkwardly in the corner, Kyoya strangely missing.

"What is the mat-" Kyoya appears from the bathroom, pausing at the sight before him, letting out of sigh at the scene. "Kyoya-"

"Out."

"huh?" even mori looked spooked by the glare that Kyoya was giving them "you all showed up unannounced, y/n was nice enough to let you in for tea despite preparing to see her family for the first time since summer which you all know well how important said meetings can be, and you mess up the apartment even more than before you had arrived. You all can leave now"

"Kyoya?" Tamaki looks concerned, you look concerned, Kyoya can often have a temper but not like this "You have done enough Tamaki"

The twins and Tamaki slowly pull themselves off the ground, clumsily putting the couch cushions back in place, muttering sorry's as they leave the apartment.

"thank you y/n-chan" Honey gives you a shy smile as him and mori follow behind. "Do you need help fixing this?" Haruhi asks, looking over the mess they left behind. "No i'm okay thank you Haruhi, thanks for helping anyway" Haruhi nods, leaving and closing the front door behind her.

Kyoya sighs, dragging his hand down the front of his face, stepping to the couch to fix it, leaving you stood frozen there. "You didn't need to do that"

"They're idiots, they know how much this means to you, espcially tamaki-"

"Kyoya-"

"There." he huffs, placing his hands on his hips as he takes in that everything is back to normal. "You didn't need to-"

"I know" he walks back over to you, eyes flittering over as he takes in your appearance, going to fix your hair "We can talk about this later if you want, we've got bigger fish to fry now." you take a deep breath, you had never seen Kyoya act like this before, you didn't know how it made you feel but it certainly made you feel something.

He wipes away a tear you didn't even realise was there "There, it's like it never happened. Ready?" you sigh, nodding. it was stressful whenever your family comes to visit, but this time it feels more managable. Since when had the two of you become so comfortable?

Next time on patience 'Big brother is a prince!'

Tag list (reply to be added): @skottch @cgmajor @rebirthbunbun @bbybubbles @blueberry19000 @katgirl05 @smellslikelovinglies @veras-fanfic-reblogs @sadprimrose @mirtalikesdr @sleeplesssskeleton @ritzes28 @crackpeole @rory-cakes @renjunniex @II-kita-san-II @angelicwillows @missbrebre1012 @sleep-7372

[bomberqueen17]

middle-aged stuff

This is the time of year when I have determination and free time so i do all my medical appointments. This year I'm old enough that they want to screen me for colon cancer.

it's funny because current events, so i'm like, ah, it's the downfall of the western world. my taxes are funding genocide and man-babies playing dolls have decided that cruelty makes their enemies squeak satisfyingly and I get to watch babies starve about it. Meaninglessness blah blah. Oh and I have to get all these cancer screenings, and petition my insurance company about having them covered since they're supposed to be. And oh yes this and that. Mundane. Boring.

Also in current ongoing things, my most politically-active IRL friend, who lives over near the farm and dedicated her life from 2016-2024 to the Run For Something kind of aesthetic of trying to reform local politics first, recently (this week) succumbed to a prolonged fight with cancer, and it's incredibly sad and depressing and at least I know she's not seeing what's happening now, but I'm like. Well.

Well I'm taking my cancer screenings seriously I guess. Hers was a special case with many contributing factors but oh my gosh it was brutal and they tried everything and she fought so hard and god, how draining. I said goodbye to her in November, and she was so cheerful about it because that's the kind of person she was. My sister and BIL were taking some of the shifts to sit with her toward the end, so her family could sleep sometimes. It's just so brutal. So.

One thing: this is only the second time I've managed to go get a mammogram, but the form is the same. on the form, they want you to attest: I am not pregnant. And then they give you three boxes you can choose from, for how you can prove to them that you are not pregnant. One: I am postmenopausal. Two: I use an effective birth control. (List it here.) Three: I have undergone surgical contraception/sterilization (List date of procedure). None of these is the extremely, incredibly common scenario that happens to be my scenario, which is My partner has undergone sterilization and I am monogamous. Which I understand is not foolproof-- if you are lying or in some other way not actually living up to the second part of that statement (I myself have in idle thought exercises fallen victim to the extending my I-can't-get-pregnant-by-accident relief to scenarios that of course would not be covered by it; I'm sure many people over the ages have absentmindedly forgotten that their Foolproof Birth Control that affects only their partners actually makes it *more* important that they avoid all contact with anyone else.) But good Christ if I am lying, even to mysef, then this form is void. It kind of drives me nuts every time and I know they don't really care it's a CYA form but oh my god. (There's also no option for I am not sexually active or I am not sexually active with a partner who could impregnate me, which are also both foolproof and common scenarios!)

But as for colon cancer screenings, I'm gonna put that behind a cut.

There's this newfangled thing right. You can either go in for a colonoscopy, which is a routine and basic and fine normal thing people do all the time don't even worry about it, OR they can send you a kit where you submit your uh relevant excreta for testing and they look at it and find out if you have the DNA or other markers of cancer in that, and it's good for only 3 years instead of the 10 that a colonoscopy is good for, but I was like well, I will try that and see how it goes.

Friends. Friends. I thought, I am a person who, due to my lifestyle, quite often shits in a bucket in the woods, I am not precious about my toileting facilities, to be perfectly blunt. But I discovered that it is extremely difficult to contemplate shitting in a box in your own house, and then taking that box, nicely-packaged as it is, and sealing it up all nice and bringing it to a UPS store to drop off, and the outside of it has the testing company's logo and slogan, which mention the colon, prominently emblazoned.

It was not trivial. And at one point, as I struggled with my body's reluctance, I thought, it would probably have been better to take the turbolaxatives they give you, and the indicator liquid, and go and get buttwanded in a hospital. So I will do that next time.

All this is just to say, when you reach the appropriate age for such a thing, do not fall victim to thinking "shitting in a box at home sounds way easier than shitting for twelve hours and then going and being sedated in a hospital" like, by default. It may well be, you may well have really good reasons to think that, but my gosh. It was not as much easier as I'd expected.

(It's not really shitting in a box they send you a whole kit with the collection container and a sample thingy and preservative and a sealing lid and a hundred pages of instructions and a video you can watch that's sort of disturbingly clean and smiley but like. In the end. It's you, and this box, and your sense of self.) (Actually it would have been significantly easier for me to have done this in the woods than in my own house, now I think back on it. Context is king.)

anyway. anyway.

oh and. am i insane or did doctors used to be able to send prescriptions/referrals straight to the other facility? I showed up for my mammogram having left the piece of paper the doctor gave me about it on the kitchen table at home, and said as much to the receptionist. "Should I drive home and get it?" I asked-- 22 minutes each way-- and she said no no, i'll call them, but i have to call them, I can't go ahead and do the test without the thing. Best if i can speak directly to them and get a verbal approval. (What? do we not have emails anymore?)

She came to me and was like "they're not picking up and I have to check in other customers, can you call them" so of course when I called them I got right through, and they said oh we can send it, but the fax doesn't always work, so if you need a verbal, call right back and we'll pick up. I wanted to hand the phone straight to this receptionist but she was checking in a disoriented 84-year-old and I felt I really couldn't break in. So I hung up, the receptionist then said the fax thing hadn't worked, so I called back. The phone rang until it automatically hung up.

The confused 84-year-old who'd arrived after me went in for her screening. The sixtysomething with a cane who'd come in after her went in for her screening. The thirtysomething with impeccable nails who'd come in later than either of them went in for her screening.

20 minutes on hold later, I finally got through, to a different person at the doctor's office who could not understand what I wanted, did not know what to do, I finally handed my phone over to the receptionist at the radiology clinic, who managed to convey to this person what we needed.

God, I miss the like. halcyon good old days of 2012 when they could actually electronically send one another forms. And when not everyone was so horrifyingly understaffed that the prerecorded phone thing had twenty minutes of material on it because they know they won't get to your call.

Nobody wants to work anymore I guess????

Ugh. It was incredibly stressful and time-consuming and meant that I was so sweaty by the time the tech was trying to take images of me that she yelled at me for having put product on. (No ma'am, that's just stress sweat, you told me I couldn't have deodorant remember?) Had to baby-wipe myself off and then dry off on the ludicrous hospital gown. Ay yi yi. But I got my squashed glamor shots, and I am here to reassure you that all those horror stories about mammograms hurting are really for itty bitty titty types, if you have gazongas you can just plunk up there & it's a ton easier for them to get good pictures. So don't worry. It's not pleasant but like, i can basically stand outside the room while they're doing it. (No, this is hyperbole. I did take ibuprofen afterward but there were other contributing factors. My first time, when I was not so sweaty and stressed last year, was much easier.)

i am getting a lot of writing done. much of it is The Wrong Thing but it's all good. it's all good.

[yapperina]

talking about girlfailures with raf. i feel a little seen... sometimes i'm always taken aback at how much stronger mc is than me because if rafayel was stubbornly upset or vaguely mean at me for something i didn't understand, i'd probably start tearing up right there. and then i worry he would either get more frustrated, or just hide his feelings even more, leading to even MORE inner issues... like ik raf is struggling with his emotions but i too am notoriously sensitive and bad with my own emotions. so sometimes i worry it'd be a terrible match. so sorry i just came at your inbox with this the brain rot took over

nooooo nonnie don't be sad (and also feel free to send anything I live for it), PERSONALLY I'm a girlfailure too and while cool people who have their shit together work well with rafayel, I think loser-for-loser dynamic with him is something where he can THRIVE. while it can cause misunderstandings, you being desperate validates the fuck out of him. and also placates this nasty vindictive part of him which wants you to prove yourself. plus, I think he's super weak for emotional displays on your part if it's tears/hurt. rafayel probably doesn't handle anger towards him well, but tears?? he's COOKED. keep this man's ego fed and clinginess mutual and all will be well

bonus point I'm a frustrated crier and it's very entertaining to think that seeing you cry freaks rafayel out sooooo badly..... stop panicking I'm trying to deliver my point!! don't mind my ugly sobbing!! don't mention it at all!!

[bilesproblems]

And I say this as someone who isn't attracted to men romantically or sexually.

Me being asexual, demiromantic, and exclusively a lesbian are certainly reasons why I, personally, do not want to be harassed by men for sex or a relationship, but they do not make it uniquely worse when I face it than it is for women who like men. It is bad to harass me because I don't like it, not because I'm not into men. It is bad to harass me because I don't owe you anything, not because I don't like men. It is bad to harass me because harassment is bad, not because I'm a lesbian.

I've also faced harassment from allorose women! It's only not as bad because it's infrequent and they were generally nicer people. But I still didn't deserve to be harassed by them, me being a lesbian didn't make it better, and the reason it was wrong wasn't because I'm aroace-spec, it was because I am a person and should not be harassed. It was because I don't owe anyone a relationship.

And I kinda understand the perspective - it's not inherently about deserving, as much as it is about capability. If men know we aren't capable of being attracted to them, they'll know the harassment won't ever work, right? But that's still wrong. Not only do these types of men not believe it's actually possible that someone they perceive as being a woman might NOT be attracted to men, especially one they're attracted to, but harassment doesn't work on anyone! Straight women don't go "wow, I was totally uninterested in you, but then when you wouldn't leave me alone for an hour and physically stopped me from leaving, I suddenly realized how hot you were!" The only "success" for harassment is being worn down enough to just agree to go on a date, or give him a number, to get him to leave you alone, whether the one being harassed actually plans to give it a shot or keep contact, go on one date and call it off/block the number, or stand him up/give a fake number. You'd do more good convincing men that the harassment won't work on anyone because harassment will never make someone interested in you, than you would convincing men that it won't work on you specifically because you're not attracted to men. Implicitly stating that harassing straight and bi women will work.

Don't want men to harass you? Attack the behavior at its source. Attack the idea that harassment will actually make someone interested. Attack the idea that anyone's entitled to a relationship or sex with someone just because they're attracted to them. Make the world a safer place for everyone who's perceived as a woman, then you won't have to worry about bi lesbians "making men think it's okay to harass lesbians" for being bi at the same time as being lesbians

When exclus say "bi lesbians make men think it's okay to harass lesbians" I can't help but think y'all believe bisexual and straight women deserve to be harassed by men for the crime of being attracted to men. Do you think that being a lesbian makes it somehow more offensive when men harass you than when they harass a straight woman who doesn't like them? At the very least, you're selfishly preoccupied with protecting yourselves rather than standing with all women to fight harassment. Then you go blaming the women outside of your little ingroup when you have to face the exact same harassment that they have to face, and villainizing them because you think they deserve it more.

Like listen to yourselves. "You make men think it's okay to harass us" will always include an implicit addendum of "because it's okay to harass you." When you try so hard to make sure not to be associated with acceptable targets, whether you think it's just a harsh method of self preservation or like they really do deserve it, you tell the rest of the world that being attracted to men is the checkbox for when it's morally okay vs not okay to harass women. You tell men that it's okay when they harass straight and bi women when the reason it's wrong to do so to you is "because I'm not attracted to men" and not "because you are not entitled to my or anyone else's affections, nor bodies."

Babes your radical feminist and political lesbian influences are showing. You drank the koolaid. Spit it out.

[kanerallels]

Girl help my brain won't brain AGAIN

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.

It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.

It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.

When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.

Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.

I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.

[sinnettini]

successfully worried my mum as well despite trying not to. lmao. lmfao even

[depresseddepot]

I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(

[svtskneecaps]

the only thing stopping me from writing a fucking charlie slimecicle + elmariana + juanaflippa family centric time loop fic is the fact that i missed every single flippa stream live (finally plunged into qsmp a few days after tallulah appeared) and i don't have the time to watch back through the vods because HOLY SHIT CAN WE GET 30 FUCKING SECONDS WITHOUT SOMETHING HAPPENING ON THIS SERVER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

[pyrriax]

ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏

[ehlnofay]

I need to write two characters with the most unhinged enmeshed nonromantic relationship imaginable. and I need to do it right now

[dan-crimes]

Mfs can't understand a blunt mf they always gotta try and read between the lines or straight up deny the words you're saying and deny how you feel

[gas-stxtion-a]

//sorry i haven't been working on replies lately! you see, it's because [mid-sentence i slowly lie down on the floor and start crying really hard. i do not finish my explanation]