#but i'm worried that i don't understand it and am not getting it right
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Yay I'm going to get all Political and angry again.
So pretty much every trans American is probably aware of the Sarah McBride situation at this point, but here's the bullet point summary if needed for anyone else:
Sarah McBride gets elected to the House as the first transgender member of Congress in US history.
Republicans predictably flip their shit. They pass internal rules of conduct that prohibit trans people from using bathrooms of their gender and stating that bathroom use is defined by AGAB. It obviously singles out McBride, but I believe there are trans staffers that are also affected.
McBride issues a statement that she will abide by these rules, and pretty much only use the bathroom directly associated with her physical office. She issues a statement saying she "wasn't elected for bathrooms" and will instead fight in issues that matter, with a milquetoast criticism of Republicans for wasting time on this.
Many trans Americans are predictably scared and disappointed by this, especially because this internal house rule is being used as a blueprint for more extensive laws, including a likely ban on trans people in gendered bathrooms in all federal land and buildings (including, notably for me, national parks. Which breaks my heart, but that's a different rant.)
There's been a lot of disappointment and criticism of McBride over this. The general leftist reaction has been criticism. There's lots of people that have expressed disappointment or rage, including Erin Reed, and also more "personality" type people like Vaush and Jessie Gender.
Now.
I'm disappointed too.
But. And please keep reading before chewing me out for being an apologist.
I think we can all understand that McBride is in an impossible situation. If she fights this too hard, then it vindicates the Republican rhetoric that Dems are crazy trans obsessed leftists. But there's a fear that this will only lead to more infringements of rights for trans people. McBride is completely stuck, and is a junior, freshly elected member of Congress who is trying to figure out how to make her voice the most effective.
I am so, so fucking tired of rights being ceded one by one. So I'm disappointed. But yeah, I understand McBride's statement.
But there's just one tiny. Eeny weeny. Minor. Itty Bitty question having over all of this. Just one little concern.
Where.
The fuck.
Are the rest of the Democrats?!?!?!?
There is a PAINFULLY fucking easy solution to all of this. McBride needs backing, solidarity, and other people to speak for her. If she's worried about her voice being effective, and being branded as the crazy trans representative, then step the fucking up, you spineless liberal slimebags.
AOC is the only one that I know of that has expressed any real opposition or anger. Her statements are getting aaallll the airtime.
But the real story is McBride's sentiment being echoed amongst the entire party. This is absolutely some kind of official platform. The fucking grumbling, milquetoast finger waving and "well I don't like this, but there's nothing to be done! Anyways"
Of fucking course minorites are abandoning the left. The message they're sending is "we'll abandon you with the most pathetic of excuses. We don't give a shit." Trimming groups out of their support one by one.
McBride is doing the impossible calculus of trying to be the most effective on the house floor. It's an insane task for a trans woman. And yeah, she got it wrong this time. But where the fuck is the anger for her cis colleagues? Why the fuck aren't people angry and terrified for everyone that let this shit happen?
As much as people love the narrative of the line wolf resistor, resistance takes coordination, effort, and solidarity. Without that, what would McBride raising opposition even be? One representative against the hundreds of others.
And yeah, of course I didn't expect any better from the Democratic party. But you should be disappointed and mad at your representative, not just McBride.
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"You're kidding. That's what you're upset about?"
"Wha'd'you mean, of course it is??? How am I not supposed to freak out when I can't even remember who I am!"
"Dude... You seriously think that face is 'you'?"
"What?"
"No, hey. I'm not saying it wasn't the OG, I'm not trying to spring any secret backstory on you or anything. Just... You're you, man, as much as I'm me."
"What are you talking about??"
"This is you. And the dog that stole my lunch yesterday was you. And the crow in these photos, and the harpy form you made for Halloween, and the mice you hide as every time your mom wants to drag you to a boring function. Yes I know about that, not the point right now. Like... It's always you, man. You're not the same as you were yesterday, or last year, or when we were 5, and neither am I. My body changes less than yours, but to be alive at all is to endlessly change."
"I... But..."
"I get it. I swear, even if it's not quite the same, I do. It's scary when you can't go back. When you'll never see that house again, never talk to those friends again, when you can't go back to before you got that injury or before you learned things you never wanted to know. You have to worry about what shape your bones are and whether or not you have scales today, and I've never had to think about that. I have to worry about my body scarring and breaking down, and you can always discard anything that doesn't suit you. It's different, but it comes from the same place. Everything changes, even us, and we have so little control, and that's scary."
"Huh... I guess so. But there's still... Everyone expects your changes, you know...?"
"Right... Yeah, that's fair... You've got me and your mom and a few people who know, but it's probably not safe to tell just everyone. Still... You don't have to become exactly what you were before. Let's take it slow, okay? I'll sit with you. Maybe you'll remember once you calm down and get some momentum, but if you don't, we'll take it one step at a time. We'll work out something close enough. Push comes to shove, we'll tell everyone you got plastic surgery or something."
"Not funny-"
"Sorry, sorry. But really. We'll figure something out. It might not be easy. Change rarely is, and sometimes it uproots our whole lives, and there's nothing we can really do but figure out how to live with it. But no matter how this plays out, I don't want to hear any worries about 'who you are'. I understand if you look 'too' different, it can have consequences, and those do matter. But despite that, no matter what you look like, you're still my best friend. Got it? You'll always still be you."
Your friend, a shapeshifter (a secret you've kept since childhood) hasn't answered your texts in days, so you head to their home. Upon arriving, you find that they're in the middle of an existential crisis; they can't remember how to turn back into their original, human form.
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I've seen some posts here and there about comments on people's fic, how they can come across as too demanding or really just not kind. It's been a little over a year, so I still feel like a baby to fandom - but I think I've experienced enough to have an opinion about this now (or I should say, understand my own feelings about this). I apologize for my rambles... First, I want to acknowledge that comment anxiety is so real. There are people so well-intentioned, who may want to express how much they love your story but just don't have the words or are so fearful that it will be taken the wrong way. Sometimes I do worry that having a criteria for what constitutes as the right way to leave a comment can make this anxiety worse for some people. Now, I've gotten comments before that could be read as "demanding" but I just try and see it as someone being excited and wanting to read more! At the same time, man....if only one could see the amount of TIME that was poured into that piece you just devoured. Because real talk...I tend to feel pretty hollow for a few days after a chapter drop. Like...in the most dramatic way possible. HOLLOW. EMPTY. NUMB. The comments that do come in DO bring a smile to my face and they DO mean so much to me and they DO motivate me to continue. But I am just utterly depleted and it takes me awhile to get my shit back together. I think part of it has to do with like...the amount of hours, days, I poured into this and how it can literally just be consumed in like 20 minutes. Most people will consume your art and some people will engage with it - and there is a difference. But that's kind of how it goes, once you release it you don't have any control over how someone chooses to respond to it.
The same could be said for visual art. Every art piece you see, it takes you one second to glance at and hit the like button. The amount of time and patience and care that went into it though? I can't even wrap my head around it. Since writing fic, it really got me thinking....there are SO. MANY. BOOKS. that I've read, many that have influenced me, had my jaw dropping to the floor, that I absolutely LOVED, changed my life and guess what? I've not once reached out to the authors in any form to express my appreciation. I don't even actually know what point I'm trying to make. (Again, rambling.) But I guess if you choose to read and you find the engagement exhausting so you don't want to leave a comment - I think that's okay. It would feel really awesome to the fic writer - who isn't making any money or getting anything else out of the time they'd put in - but if it's too overwhelming, then don't push yourself. Life is hard and sometimes you just need a place to escape without the pressure or sense of obligation to say something. I can understand this, too.
And for those who have taken the time, you have become a part of my own journey as I go on to write this ridiculous story. And I don't say that lightly. Whatever happens, or however fandom culture gets shaped or changes - I hope we all just continue to treat each other well and be kind, be kind and be kind always.
#june rambles#comment anxiety#fandom culture#idk what point i was making here#but oh well#i love you all#sometimes it's hard for the writer#sometimes it's hard for the reader#it's okay
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Hero, Villain God 15
(Prev) (Next) (First)
*Scar's pov*
Cub has called you... He said it was something really important so you did your best to make it as fast as you could...... He hasn't really been very happy with you after the Mother Spore incident so you didn't expect him to be the one to ask to see you... You are a bit nervous...
Wait! What if he's quitting?!? You could never manage to do your work without his help! You'll have to beg! You will do it if that is what it takes.
You sigh ...Here goes nothing.
"Mayor Ren and Martyn have been taken hostage"
What? What does he mean they were taken hostage? Doesn't he have bodyguards to protect him??
"How? When? Where is he?"
"Oh he's still in his office"
Come again? What is Cub on about then?
"But you said he was-"
"Yes, it seems it is the office that's holding him hostage"
..."What?"
"Specifically, the mechanical door and windows have all been locked by an unknown attacker. The defense system has been turned into a threat on his life."
"Oh"
"We believe either an hacker or a villain with power over technology might be at fault."
You see, what you don't understand is why you were called for this. It feels suspicious.
"Do you want me to go after this hacker -"
"No. Not now at least. The mayor needs you to get him and his vice out of the building unharmed. The defenses he installed are quite dangerous when made into weapons so be careful"
"Am...am I going to work alone then?"
"Yes. Ocean Queen water manipulation could backfire around so much electronics and the building is too cramped for Sheriff's wings."
You think you understand, you nod at him, he looks at you.
"I'm ready"
"And don't stay out too long"
Cub wasn't kidding, as you dodge a literal laser you wonder just how paranoid the mayor must have been when he set up this defense system... This is a level of security you would think to find in a super secret governent base, not the mayor's office.
You don't have much time to wonder though as another laser almost hits you in the face and w- IS THAT A MACHINE GUN!?!?
You sigh as you take out one of your explosive arrows, you'll have to fight fire with fire if you want to get anywhere... hopefully the mayor won't mind a bit of property damage.
You really don't want a lawsuit right now by the mayor...or exile! Wait could the mayor even exile you if he wanted?
... You should ask Cub later.
*Martyn's pov*
You have been trapped in this office with Ren for what feels like hour now... It might have been, It's not like you can tell with the windows blacked and no clocks in the entire office... Why does Ren have literally 0 clocks in his office!?
Your thoughts are suddenly interrupted by Ren shouting in your ear.
"We are doomed Martyn! Doomed I tell you! I knew they were coming for me and now we are going to die here!"
Who was coming from him? This is news to you.
"I ... I'm sure they must have sent someone to save us Ren. You are still the mayor, pretty important guy if you ask me."
"Who knows how long that will take my dude, we might have to stay here to starve for days! We'll have to result to cannibalism to stay alive!"
Ok what, how have we got to this point.
"Woah there, how about we *don't* do that actually? How does that sound mate?"
"Right, right... I am sorry Martyn."
...You stare at eachother... Without his voice in the background things are weirdly akward... He's always seemed so confident, you have never seen him this worried before...You hold Ren's hand, he seems surprised for a moment.
"It's going to be alright, I'm here with you"
"Yeah... Yeah, you'll protect me!"
Uh... You don't remember saying that but telling him no would just be too cruel.
"Right, you can count on me Ren."
"Of course dude! I trust you more then I would trust myself!"
Ren's face is suddenly so close to yours, right in front of you. You didn't expect it so you scream and fall back.
"Ah??!"
"Oh sorry dude! I didn't mean to jump at you like that... I got excited"
"It's...it's fine Ren"
"Are you sure?"
You are staring into his eyes and he is staring into yours... It wouldn't be too hard to just lean in and-
"Hello people! Hotguy here to save the day! Is everyone ok?"
...Motherfucker.
#trafficblr#traffic smp#hermitblr#hermitcraft#goodtimeswithscar#cubfan135#martyn inthelittlewood#rendog
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It would do a lot of people well to keep in mind that "I am ashamed of this" and "I don't want to have that conversation" are two very different things (and neither is the same as "I would be unsafe if people found out", but people are generally pretty good at separating that one out).
Anecdote 1:
When I first started writing explicit fic, I was ashamed of it. I was worried what my friends would think of me (even though I knew objectively that none of them would care, and was very aware that many of them wrote explicit fic themselves) and I was embarrased and had some sex negativity baggage to overcome, so I made a second AO3 account. Now I've killed the cop in my head, as the kids say, and have told most of my friends who'd be interested about my fic, and and intend the merge the accounts whenever I get off my ass and have time for that project.
This was shame, pure and simple. I would have been better off if I'd been able to overcome the shame right away instead of spending all that time feeling like I had to hide a dirty secret.
Anecdote 2:
I have been dabbling with crossdressing lately. I'm a trans man and my family are supporting and accepting, but not very knowledgeable; pretty much everything they know about transness is stuff that I've taken the time to explain to them. They understand how important it is to me to be seen as a man, and when I first came out I explained, and they accepted, that wearing men's clothing is significant and meaningful and fulfilling for me. Crossdressing is something I'm experimenting with now that I'm more secure in my identity, and it's been pretty fun. I feel no shame or embarassment about this. But having to explain the intricate nuances of gender presentation, expectations, subversions, and how violating gender norms is fun would be a hell of a lot of work and I'm just not ready to sit my mom down and explain Advanced Concepts in Gender when she had to work to get a basic understanding of Gender is not Biology.
This is not shame. It's avoiding an awkward and lengthy conversation that I just don't see any point in having. So when my mom comes to visit I don't leave a skirt on the sofa. That's all.
Many people would say that my not wanting my mom to find out about the crossdressing is the same as my not wanting my friends to find out about the kinkfic. I knew my friends would be accepting of my fic, and I know my mom would be accepting of my crossdressing. Both are things that are perfectly fine, I should feel good about them, I shouldn't hide them. But hiding something doesn't necessarily mean you feel bad about it.
--
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TheShatteredQueen posted in /r/AmITheAsshole:
AITA for doing whatever I can to save my people from genocide?
So obviously that title needs a bit of clarification. I (21f) am leader of a very small and tight knit minority group that's being persecuted by a very rich and very powerful man (3200m) and his family. For anonymity's sake we'll call him "Thunderbeard." He wants us all exterminated and our souls sent straight to eternal punishment, just because he has beef with our parents, my father (10000m) in particular. My father is also his father, but that doesn't really matter to him so we'll leave that aside.
We don't want anything to do with our parents; they made us solely to use as expendable soldiers, and we want more out of life. I literally diced one of them (7400m) and threw the pieces into super hell so we could avoid that. Unfortunately we only got a couple days of peace before Thunderbeard learned about us and had a bunch of his "employees" start hunting us. This was about five years ago.
I've lost good people. I can't imagine how they must be suffering right now, for no good reason. We'll all join them if we don't do something. I have a long term plan, but to enact it I need to buy us time.
Here's where things get complicated. Thunderbeard and his co-tyrants have kids similar to us, and a lot of them. Some are much younger than us, a few are much older, but they definitely outnumber us by a sizeable margin. Whenever Thunderbeard and Co need a job done, they typically send a few of the kids out to do it, more depending on how big the job is. The only reason they haven't been sent against us yet is because Thunderbeard thinks there's not enough of us to warrant it. My worry is that once he realizes he's wrong, he'll "rally the troops," as it were, and we'll be overwhelmed.
So I looked for ways to mitigate that, and happened on one that's a bit morally contentious. See, their kids are split into two groups (the criteria for which is a bit hard to follow and not really relevant atm) that have fought each other in the past. My thought was, if they fight again, maybe they'll weaken each other enough that we stand a chance against them. We've been laying the groundwork for that for a few years now, and earlier this week we kicked things firmly into motion. Barring any unforeseen mishaps, it could be the saving grace we've been praying for.
Now clearly that's not a good thing to do, I'm fully aware of that. It's already putting strain on my personal relationships. I just learned that I have a half-sister (19f) who I'd love to get to know, but she thinks I'm a "warmonger" and won't hear me out at all. It's all I can do some nights to fall asleep while the guilt eats away me.
But what else should we do? My people are counting on me to save them. We're damned even if we do nothing, so isn't the moral thing to fight however we can, even if it's sneaky and underhanded?
AITA?
StrengthAndEndurance: NTA. It's your job to think about what's best for the people under you, not anyone else. Keep your head high, don't let the guilt get to you.
FerrumMemoria: NTA. The oppressed have never gained anything by playing fair with their oppressors. In any liberation movement, bloodshed is inevitable. The ruler who does not recognize this is not fit to rule. Carry on as you have, and worry not about the judgement of history until you've survived to write it.
StargazerButch7: NTA. I understand feeling guilty, but there's no easy way out of this mess. We all appreciate the hard choices you have to make for our sakes. Keep the faith!
WaterloggedRedhead: NTA! Thunderbeard is the real asshole! Keep up the good work, we're all behind you!
Write an r/AmITheAsshole post told from your OC’s perspective. (Bonus: include replies from your other OCs.)
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loopdile so real. i have a Vision of both siffrin and loop being Deeply Deeply Closeted Repressed Transfem and having gender envy over odile and i feel like that'd do Something to the Dynamic. Something......... Something........................... well i'm not successfully envisioning it but maybe YOU are?
i am positively plagued by loopdile gender visions!!! maybe not the exact same as you're thinking but i think you will enjoy them. walk with me, anon, through the garden of my loop gender headcanons. it's kind of a big garden but we'll get to the odile part eventually i promise.
Before they were Siffrin, Siffrin had their gender on lock: something transfem, but also tied to unique cultural elements in some way, either the specific identity or the way of thinking about it or just the particular set of presentation options. Perhaps they even started fantasy HRT! But then they forget everything, obviously, including their identity and transition plans. They decide pretty quickly that they're not a man, but none of the alternatives feel exactly correct either; if their previous identity was presented as an option, maybe it would click and they'd settle into it pretty fast, but unfortunately that is literally impossible.
So, no clear goals in mind. And because of his forgotten past, continued memory problems, and constant traveling, Siffrin starts to really value the few things he can count on to stay consistent. He'd rather wear his comfortable hat and cloak than leave them behind in favor of anything more gendered. He'd rather stick with his familiar body than risk changing it. Still, maybe there are some changes he'd be happier in the long run to have made... but the process would be stressful, and he's got enough stressful things to worry about already!
But then we get to Loop. Who has already been changed, suddenly and irrevocably and so very, very accidentally. They are not Siffrin anymore, they do not have the hat and cloak, they aren't even human. They don't even really remember who they were pre-loops. There is no familiarity for them to cling to; instead, they're desperate to find things they can control, things they can change, proof that the world moves forward and they're in charge of their place in it. The motivation that Siffrin lacked, Loop now has in spades!
However, their negative feelings are more intense as well. They struggle to face real stakes, to put effort into anything too complicated, to try anything that might disappoint them. They take risks, yes, but not about things they care about; they take risks because they don't care. And they have a lot of other things going on, too, both practically and psychologically, so gender isn't their immediate priority. "Who and what am I?" is a very difficult question for them right now on multiple levels, a difficult question with only difficult answers.
But, starting with the practical: wearing clothes is an easy way to look and feel a little bit more normal, right? So they experiment, and they decide that dresses are just similar enough to the cloak to be comfortable, but distinct enough to not be as emotionally fraught. And they like them in a frivolous way that Siffrin was never willing to lean all the way into. Siffrin didn't put much thought or energy into his appearance, but Loop's inhuman form is a constant issue, so they might as well dress it in a way they like! Something good to balance out the bad, since they can't be neutral any longer.
And of course they think about body craft, though in a different context from most people. Even the nearly-human parts of their body are lacking detail, without all the right functions behind the form, and then other parts aren't human at all. Their body feels wrong, distracting, constricting. They don't understand how it works, and it draws attention they don't want, and it's not them. And yet, isn't it? Even if they'd been put back into a Siffrin body again, they aren't Siffrin anymore, either. Loop is what the loops made them. They want to change their body, to make it something they can be comfortable in, but they can't. Because body craft is a method of changing flesh and blood and bone, and Loop is not made of such human stuff anymore.
So we've got Loop. Trying to find themself, and maybe succeeding in some ways, but stymied or uncertain in others. Desperate to change, but scared to hope. To make a long story short, they join back up with the party, which brings its own set of problems, and yet... it's also a step towards fixing some of their problems, too. Most relevant to our post, here: Odile is a craft expert with a unique set of experiences. She's got a wide foundation of knowledge, since she's familiar with all three main craft types. She used to be part of Ka Bue's underground body-crafting scene, where she not only crafted her own body but also helped and taught other people; and unlike in Vaugarde, where Houses provide resources and education, Odile and her peers had to do their own research and experiments, develop their own techniques. She even has some knowledge of wish craft from Siffrin, and the way she stopped Siffrin from looping proves that she's unusually good at analyzing and adapting to new forms of craft.
So once Loop's dissatisfaction with and ignorance regarding their own physical form comes to Odile's attention, of course she offers to help. To see if she can figure out what their body is made of, and how it works, and hopefully, in what ways it can be changed.
And this dynamic with her... it's totally different from her relationship with Siffrin, both pre-loops and post. And Loop has always admired her, and here she is, talking about the confidence and determination with which she changed her own body, not without fear or frustration but not letting herself be slowed down by them, either. Taking her fate into her own hands and refusing to be anyone other than herself. And Loop used to feel that Odile understood them best, and losing that connection felt like the end of the world, but here she is, still! Observant and caring as ever. Dedicated to figuring them out again. Unflinching as she sees them for the strange thing they currently are, but equally unshakable in her insistence that they do not have to stay exactly as they are.
So Odile helps them figure out their body. Helps them with the craft itself, too, but even more than that — through both encouragement and example, she helps them be brave enough to genuinely try. To ask themself what they really want. To strike a balance between Siffrin's complacent hesitation and Loop's miserable desperation. To experiment, and face both the chance of failure and the chance of success with head held high. To hope.
Odile is not one for platitudes and empty positivity, after all. If she says something's possible, then it is, or she will make it so, one way or another, despite any setback. Isn't she proof? She remade herself, and she can remake Loop, too. Changing them, slowly and carefully and so very, very deliberately. Loop will never be human again, but they can decide who they are and become themself.
#anon you activated my trap card#didn't get into super specifics but this post is long enough i think :|#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat loop#loopdile#siffrin's transition arc is more like#slowly learning to trust the consistency of their life. starting to feel secure enough that they're comfortable making more small changes.#maybe nothing will ever click as naturally right#but they can have fun trying things. find happiness in whichever options feel best at the moment.#meanwhile loop is forging a new identity out of fire and blood!!!
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I know 4 nations is still a couple of months away but if you specifically were the gm choosing the roster right now, what would your team Canada look like? (I am also curious about the other teams but don’t want to overwhelm you) I always love hearing your hockey thoughts!
ooh sarahhhh LOVE this q... also lowkey thank u for only asking about Canada b/c i have not thought about the other rosters at all. to be honest
ok lets get into it
(13 F, 7 D, 3 G)
Forwards:
Already named to the roster: Sidney Crosby, Nathan MacKinnon, Brad Marchand, Connor McDavid, Brayden Point
I'm not entirely sure if I had complete control I would pick Marchand, who is both a) pretty far past his prime (even if he is one of those guys who doesn't really age like other players do) and b), not entirely That guy, but I digress. Eight more forwards to name.
Mitch Marner: Easily the best Canadian player not on this list. Since there's no salary cap for the roster and you can go wild by just picking Everyone Good, the most important note of roster construction in my mind is special teams; on any given team you should have ~2 units each of PP and PK, so eight-ish PP forwards and four-ish PK forwards. Some guys don't really do either, so it's always an extra asset to find a guy who is good at both. Mitch Marner is good at both. (And also good at basically everything else.)
Sam Reinhart: I don't like saying it, but I will
Mark Schiefele: I also don't like saying it
Dylan Strome: Here's where it gets interesting. No, I promise this is not a purely narrative choice, although I understand why one might think that. I shrimply love me a smart playmaking centre (yes his points totals are probably inflated by the Caps' really high oish% for him, but he is firmly Very Good and, even as a 4C, should be firmly considered for the 4N.)
Travis Konecny: Legitimately one of the best penalty killers in the league, and also just an all-around threat. Also also a lot of the guys who tend to be picked for 4N are natural centres (e.g. Sidney, NateMac, CMD, Pointer, Reinhart, Schiefele, and Strome are all centres) so it's nice to not have to worry in his case about if he's going to have to move to wing or not.
Connor Bedard: Oh my god I want to see what this kid can do with offensive deployment on wing and actual good teammates
John Tavares: Departing from my usual "don't pick players who are floating into their mid-thirties if you can possibly avoid it" to say that Guys. Johnnifer is still Good. Like, still really good. Chugging along at a point a game and very, very good in the faceoff dot (58%) type of good.
Seth Jarvis: Also firmly underrated IMHO; just because he is a little guy and a bit of a dork doesn't mean we shouldn't, like, remember that He's Good. Because he is.
Reserves: Steven Stamkos (always a power-play threat), Mat Barzal (competent teammates question part 2), Claude Giroux (we all know what his deal is)
Defencemen:
Already named to the roster: Cale Makar
Oh, boy, are we not great at this whole "developing defencemen" thing. Let's see who we can put together.
Josh Morrissey: Basically Morgan Rielly but a little better, I think? Solid shooter, Of-D, etc etc.
Thomas Chabot: Severely undernoticed considering that the Sens have been shit and ass the entire time he's played there. Not his fault, though. Also there's no other Francophones on this list I feel so we should really fix that. What IS Quebec Doing?
Brandt Clarke: Okay, we can have a little "developing defencemen." As a treat.
Evan Bouchard: Why are you booing me? I'm right.
Chris Tanev: Chris Tanev
Brandon Montour: There are probably one or two better options but I like him more TO BE HONEST. Picking the forwards is like a careful examination of PK ability and faceoff percentages and primary points per minute. Picking defencemen has been entirely vibes. I'm very, very sure the L and R balance is just Not There.
Reserves: Maveric Lamoureux (queb AND developing. dual threat), Devon Toews (considering literally everyone will beg for the makar-toews pairing), Shea Theodore (I guess)
Goaltenders:
Lol and Lmao, even
Logan Thompson: The man is the Capitals' starter, helped win Vegas a Cup, and is also lowkey hot sexy and hot and sexy. Starter!
Joey Daccord: Swiss, Canadian, and American, so I'm sure we could convince him to come to the dark side. (Especially since the USA has holy-fuck level goalie depth. Jake Oettinger is a third-stringer.)
Marc-Andre Fleury: Look, this forward core is good enough that it can win us a game 7-6 if we really need it to. I just think he's fun.
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Girl help my brain won't brain AGAIN
#i'm trying to figure out some publishing related stuff#but i'm worried that i don't understand it and am not getting it right#and i just. can't think right now#and i know this is weird but i SWEAR it's partially because of the news about maggie smith passing away#obviously i never met her or anything but i still feel weirdly intensely sad about it#i don't know. i just kinda feel like crying kinda wanna hide under a blanket all day#kinda wish i had the capacity to be a functional adult#that sort of thing#probably going on a little walk or something will fix me#but also i just don't want to do anything and at the same time i NEED to do something#because also anxiety my old friend and sitting still does not really help with that#okay venting done#time to do...something else. idk what
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Absolutely agree with you there, Oscar. I don't even think it's about remembering though, people don't even know or bother to read to find out the truth. It's a little unsettling. Don't worry, your role as the Doctor is going to be very well-known in my house, I'm making sure that the kids don't miscast you. Oh, the math is impossible. And when I try to help with it, because I learned differently, they still get marked wrong when not done right. I'm telling you, parenting isn't for the faint of heart. Definitely am guilty of that - I try my best in my head, you know? Doesn't always pan out, but I get the laughs in at the reads and then I get as red as my hair. No! You're not invited if you're gonna join the giggle fest. Next Star Wars project I work on, if Poe's there and I need you, then I'm gonna have to work on my pronunciation before you get there. She can be your fave, I'll gladly be second fave if it means coming in second to her. I'm doing great! Keeping busy with work, Skeleton Crew's coming out right between the holidays so I've had to do a lot of interviews for that. It's a busy time of year professionally and personally, I'm sure you understand!
I think as a society, we've let Mary Shelley down. She poured her heart and soul into this story and people can't even remember that Frankenstein is the Doctor. I do think they should bring the classics back to schools. They are classics for a reason and most of them are good reads. The books they read might be getting easier, but the math is just getting worse. I'm seeing sums on my boy's homework that doesn't even look like it makes sense. Are you also someone who tends to skip over difficult names when reading a book? It's always amusing to ask them what the book is about when they have no idea how half the names are pronounced. Now I want to see in on one of these table reads, just to hear you pronounce words wrong. I think Jessica would have my head if I called anyone else my favourite redhead, but who says I can't have multiple? It's definitely been a while, I'm doing good, what about yourself?
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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the only thing stopping me from writing a fucking charlie slimecicle + elmariana + juanaflippa family centric time loop fic is the fact that i missed every single flippa stream live (finally plunged into qsmp a few days after tallulah appeared) and i don't have the time to watch back through the vods because HOLY SHIT CAN WE GET 30 FUCKING SECONDS WITHOUT SOMETHING HAPPENING ON THIS SERVER WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
#qsmp#the venn diagram of my awake time and bad's livestream time is a fucking circle#and i also WORK. I HAVE WORK. i can't watch vods for hours!!!#like i worked this afternoon. i got back home right as bobby's fate was sealed for the livestream. i had to watch an hour of vod to catch up#and WHILE I DID THAT#MORE LORE HAPPENED#LIKE THINGS HAPPENED WITH QUACKITY. TAZERCRAFT SCOOBY DOO'D ONTO A DRAGON SKELETON.#PEOPLE GRIEVED. JAIDEN ENDED STREAM ABRUPTLY. APPARENTLY SOMETHING HAPPENED WITH SOFIA.#I STILL HAVEN'T CAUGHT MAX'S POV FROM TUESDAY BC I WORKED THEN TOO GODDAMNIT#LIKE. APPARENTLY BAD KNOWS ABOUT SOFIA? DUNNO WHEN OR HOW. I MISSED THAT ONE. I WAS EITHER AT WORK OR CATCHING UP ON VODS#i. am. screaming.#like i understand why people watch live#it was soooo much easier to keep up when i just kept three distinct povs open and could hop between them like tv channels#oh forever just went down and richas is with him? no worries i have his stream open rn lemme just unmute#hmm cellbit is getting pretty animated let's see what he discovered i'll just unmute rl quick#quackity's saying some sus shit in chat lemme pop his stream open#instead of 'ok i want to see what foolish was doing at chume labs after bad stole his banana so lemme find the time stamp in foolish's-#HUGE FUCKING GIANT LONG VOD and watch thru that but oh. perhaps i want to see what mike was saying after foolish yeeted him.' actually uh#i don't think mike's pov was up that day (unless it was just on yt idk i'm not familiar w how tazercraft's stuff works yet)#BUT YKNOW. I'D HAVE TO VOD SCAN. ITS ANNOYING. so yea its way easier to follow#long tags#block game brainrot#shut up vic
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ANYWHO goodnight tumblr i'll be back on the art grind tomorrow i think 🙏
#haunted ecosystem#i'll take a burst of creativity in a different form than usual than the burnout slump i've been in for a few months#<- part of why my fandom stuff has taken a smidge of a backseat#dont get me wrong i am still very excited about my fandoms im just having fun off in oc hell (affectionate)#its nice to just be able to create and not really worry about perception. and also i feel Less bad about just throwing ocs into the wringer#((blame the fact i've been REALLY interested in whump recently and i have been. fixated. on one of my characters.))#and ALSO i've been! rekindling my flame for wtds. i've been putting off thinking about it since that fic got.#nothing bad happened? but it was still very devastating that somebody who i considered a friend from that fic just. evaporated.#but i'm gonna finish that fic for him :) even if it takes a year. even if it's the one thing i finish ever. it'll be wtds.#for where its gotten me and the fact its what got me out of my shell and is the reason i trust that my writing is good!#i used to really hate rereading my work. i catch flaws that are obvious to me. but that fic. i just think about how *good* the story is#that story means. a lot to me? as a person? like the main character is not a good person. but people care about him anyway.#and there are so many little things. so many sentiments. so much that is a love letter to people who've done bad but learnt to do better#because. god knows i wasnt a good person even just a few years ago. and maybe i see myself in him a bit.#he came from a place of paranoia and fear and pain. and maybe its a good thing that i've found it difficult to write him recently.#because god. i've been HAPPY. even with the rough moments and bad days. i've been happy. i mean fuck.#my birthday's what. ten days away? god damn man. i'm going to be 18. that's an achievement.#i want to look the kid who thought it was over at half my age and tell him we fucking made it. and there are more years to come.#there's a life ahead. even if it's going to be a bitch. even if it's going to be tough. there's love in your heart and people who care and#you're going to fucking live and you're going to feel better one day. you have people to meet properly and thank and cherish.#because for every day it feel like the world's ending there are a dozen more where the sun shines just the right way through the rain#and you can't help but smile because it's just so god damn beautiful.#and fuck it. you're sick. your hands hurt and your legs don't work right. and it's tough sometimes. but you have people who understand.#you have people who honest to god love you for who you are and appreciate your company. and 18 is the first step.#you've spent half your life unlearning things and you've spent half your life relearning how to be what YOU want to be#and if you're a mediocre artist and passionate writer then you'll be fucking great at that. taking the time to learn when it strikes you.#and maybe this is for me. but its also for anybody reading it too. please god if there's one thing you take from this let it be that#somebody out there cares. *I* care. god i care. even if we've never spoken proper i care about you.#i practically have a list of everybody i see in my inbox. i love seeing familiar names show up. i.#i dont know how to neatly wrap up this tag ramble. but. i am so damn full of love it hurts sometimes. its scary to be happy but thats ok!
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I need to write two characters with the most unhinged enmeshed nonromantic relationship imaginable. and I need to do it right now
#I LIKE being aromantic. is the thing#it rules it kicks ass etc all you dumbasses are faffing around worrying about kissing when you could be looking at pictures of fish#or literally anything else#I'm right about this. everyone else is fussed about nothing#HOWEVER. it is a tad bit lonely. when it feels like everyone else in the world is worrying about kissing#and there I am. looking at pictures of cool fish on my own#I'm saying it kind of jokily but like... genuinely it's rough out here sometimes!!#I see my dear friends being happy in relationships and I am happy for them but it's.#you know. there's a bit of an edge to it. there's this feeling that people don't value the way that I love - even though I surround myself#with lovely people and I know that's not true - and it's hard not to feel like one day I will be left behind#I'm getting a bit older and it's getting harder to work with peoples' schedules and I'm scared for what it means for ten years from now#everyone will find people who are more important to them than me. and I will still be looking at the pictures of fish#and then I go to my little books and shows and all manner of stories and ALL OF THESE GUYS ARE FUSSED ABOUT KISSING TOO#and it's like goddamn can't a bitch catch a break#can't a bitch see people caring for each other in a way he can understand#romance is sweet and all sometimes. I don't despise it. but fucking hell if it isn't oversaturated as shit!!!!#enough!!!!! we've seen enough of this!!!! if I don't right now think of seven different platonic ways#for people to be profoundly important to one another. that are also kind of fucked up but like in a delightful way#I am going to FLIP MY LID#anyway google the barreleye fish right now. it's a cool ass fish#fay complains
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Mfs can't understand a blunt mf they always gotta try and read between the lines or straight up deny the words you're saying and deny how you feel
#I just woke up so Imma overshare without worrying abt it lmao#like yeah people should be wary there are some messed up people out there but like#I'm being straight up with you I do not have the energy to keep up a lie and I just think it is much easier to have clear communication#people just instantly assume that I'm up to something or not being sincere they don't even give me a chance#bcuz if they did they would instantly be able to tell that I am just like that and I am being as straight up as I possibly can#people just aren't use to that ig#¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that's why I just assume everyone is telling the truth to me and if they did lie my trust in them would break thru those lies#they will eventually tell me the truth if they feel they can trust me and if they don't then that is their business#if someone spends all their time formulating lies for me then that is /their/ energy wasted. not mine lmao#just like let go bro it ain't a big deal to just say stuff straight up you just gotta figure out the right ways to say stuff is all#ya just gotta be real with urself and sometimes shit it confusing af and that is normal brains tend to just fuck around#situations aren't black and white so you might seem hypocritical but again that's life#the best you can do is show how you feel thru actions when words fail you#and people might not understand you but at least you know how you are and you either accept it or make efforts to get better#~.~ me when I get too into it listen I got a little sibling who doesn't understand lots of stuff like I'm trying to teach them things#so I kinda go into this mode a lot of just like trying to explain stuff mostly abt understanding emotions and that other people feel things#I also talk abt this stuff with my other sibling but they are older so it's usually a lot of trying to figure out brain stuff#and trying to come to an understand etc etc I like to talk about these types of things and I might not have all the answer but like#I try. it doesn't work for everyone but hopefully it can at least help people discover what DOES help them#like it might seem like I value honesty a lot but I honestly don't care if people lie to me that is their business ✌️😋#like it only bothers me when it's obvious like Oh I didn't put that dish there I put it somewhere else Well buddy ur the only other person#who else did it or like Oh I didn't say anything I didn't say a word and it's like Buddy I know you did it just own up it's over with#people lie a lot in an attempt to avoid getting in trouble and specifically people getting angry at them but like I'm not the type to argue#I'm not gonna get mad and if I do I'll cool down pretty easily as long as we actually talk things out but like I don't get mad often#I don't really mind most things like if you talk shit behind my back that's not my business lmao just goes to show ur own character#like so many things are not my problem and simply show ur own judge of character#if you don't like me simply don't talk to me 😌 it's really not a big deal I don't mind at all#anyway I ramble... I could likely ramble more but I assume Imma run outta tag space soon
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