#if someone spends all their time formulating lies for me then that is /their/ energy wasted. not mine lmao

[dan-crimes]

Mfs can't understand a blunt mf they always gotta try and read between the lines or straight up deny the words you're saying and deny how you feel

[arianaofimladris]

Predictable

A Marvel fic for a change, because I still don’t like Infinity war and wanted to tell myself a better story,

Predictable

 The last Thor remembered before the emptiness of the space sucked everything, was clinging to his brother. Then there was nothing but darkness.

The next thing he registered was lying on the floor of what seemed to be a space ship, not his spaceship, with a bunch of multiracial strangers leaning over him. He was on his feet in an instant, stumbling as his numb, half frozen legs almost refused to carry his weight. Backing away as far as the cramped ship allowed, he took in his surroundings. He found the lot staring at him.

Straightening, Thor returned the stare, turning his head to acknowledge them all. There was a Midgardian man and a short furry creature that looked like some kind of animal. Another man of bulky posture stood to the left, accompanied by a green-skinned lady with fiery red locks. A strange young woman with glowing antennas stared with her eyes wide open, and behind her a young flora colossus observed him from over a game pad of sorts. Together, they probably made the strangest company Thor had ever met.

“Who the hell are you, guys?” He asked in confusion. Lightning cracked between his fingers, readying for the fight that could possibly come. His experience with the strangers of late had not been overly positive.

"Woah, easy, man!" The Midgardian raised his hands in an universal peaceful gesture, while the strange furry creature at his side pulled out a blaster. “Rocket, not here!” He chastised. The creature rolled his eyes but lowered his weapon, if slightly. The others just watched Thor, apparently still surprised by his awakening.

“Not exactly a thank you we could expect,” Rocket muttered with reproach. “You know, we have just literally picked you up from the fuckin’ space. Mantis there woke you,” he made a vague gesture towards the woman with antennas.

That was when Thor realised what he was missing."Wh-where's my brother?"

"You mean the stiff over there?" Rocket pointed to his left. As Thor turned his head to follow his hand, he saw the familiar form laying on the floor. "You two were kinda tangled. Not much we can do there, sorry."

"No..." Thor’s knees buckled treacherously and the lightning sparkling around his fists shot uncontrollably, crafting a smoking hole right next to a control pad.

“Whatever you’re doing, don’t!” The Midgardian cried. “You’ll blow up my ship!”

“It’s my ship!” Rocket huffed in annoyance.

But the lightning disappeared just as quickly, Thor’s energy already spent in the battle with Thanos. He barely had it within him to stand. He forced himself to move towards Loki, grasping at whatever he could find within his reach as his legs threatened to cease carrying him.

Mantis got there first. She knelt by the unmoving figure and rolled him on his back. "He's not dead," she gasped, a hint of surprise visible as her black eyes blinked.

"Holy shit, what?!" The Midgardian choked. “How the hell is this possible?”

“Not as beautiful and strong as this one, but perhaps his strength lies elsewhere,” mused the bulky man. The comment made Thor stop for a second, so out of place it seemed.

“Drax, not now,” someone muttered, but Thor didn’t pay attention who.

"Not-" He stumbled again in his eagerness to reach his brother, desperately clinging to the tiniest string of hope.

"He's terrified and hurting, but not dead, Peter.” Mantis said to the Midgardian as she kept her hands hovering over Loki’s head. “I can wake him too."

"No, wai-"

But it was too late. With Mantis's gentle touch Loki jerked awake. A scream caught in his throat and his hand flung up. He coughed, his breathing coming in hitched gasps, and kept pulling frantically at the collar of his gear, unable to grasp a lungful of air.

Thor fell on his knees beside him as Mantis scrambled away. "Lo- Loki, stop!" He grasped his wrists and pinned them to the floor, leaning forwards so that he could be seen. “It’s alright!” His voice carried the edge of hysteria that contradicted his words.

It didn't work. Loki made a pained noise and his left hand froze, but his breathing was just as hectic. “Th’r,” he wheezed and Thor sighed in relief that at least his brother seemed to recognise him.

“He’s gone for now. Thanos is not here,” Thor promised hastily. Whoever these guys behind him were, they seemed friendly enough, or at least not too willing to kill them on sight. Thor didn’t have much energy left to spend on dwelling whether they could have had some ulterior motives and had picked them from the space for their own benefit.

“Thanos?” The green-skinned lady, who kept silent so far, repeated slowly, her voice distant.

“You know of him?” Thor let his eye fall off Loki and he turned to face her, cursing internally his inability to see the whole room without moving. It was a disadvantage he had yet to work on in fight.

“Gamora is the daughter of Thanos,” the big guy called Drax offered.

At that, Loki bolted upright. He managed as far as to a sitting position, but conjured a pair of daggers even as Thor placed himself between the strangers and his wounded brother. Loki’s left hand seemed useless and the knife fell from his grasp, so he clung to the other, desperately trying and failing to haul himself up.

“Thanos slaughtered half of my people and almost killed my brother!” Thor growled and dragged himself back to his feet. Crackles of lightning danced around his fists and shoulders.

“No, no, wait!” The Midgardian, Peter, rushed forward. “She wants him dead as much as you do!”

Thor glanced from him to Gamora, who nodded. He was trying hard to take her word for that when his brother looked at her with what bordered to outright fear. Loki’s posture screamed of mistrust, but Thor could also see hate and determination that steeled Gamora’s gaze as she looked him in the eye. Hesitantly, he let his arms drop and the lightning subdued.

“There are no friends of Thanos here, alright?” Rocket stepped firmly in front of the woman. “How about you guys sit down and take a breath?” He offered, which earned him a wheezing half-sob, half-laughter from Loki.

 So Thor found himself sitting on a bench with a thick blanket around his shoulders, slowly de-freezing with a bowl of hot soup in his hands. He was left with bone-deep exhaustion and a pounding headache, a courtesy of a close touch of the Power Stone, but he was alive and breathing. And he was not alone.

Loki was slumped to his right, leaning against his shoulder. It had taken some manoeuvring to get him there, as he had let no one but Thor so much as lay a finger on him. He looked no better than when he had been woken and was still half a step away from passing for a corpse, if not for his shallow, wheezing breathing. He cradled his left hand at his lap, but dared not close his eyes and go into a healing sleep. His gaze never left Gamora, even as she withdrew to the farthest part of the room.

Thor listened as Gamora talked about Thanos and his goal to wipe out half of the universe. His anger would have boiled untamed, had it not been for his exhaustion. The Thanos he faced had wielded only one stone, and still he had managed to slaughter all those who had not escaped in the pods with the Valkyrie. He had bested the Hulk. Had bested him.

A shiver and a pained gasp drew Thor’s attention from where he mulled over his soup. Loki seemed to be struggling to breathe again, his good hand hovering over but never really touching his swollen throat.

"Why is it not healing?" Thor frowned as he realised Loki’s left wrist swelled and bruised instead of getting better.

Loki's mouth stretched in a mirthless smirk for a second. "All... I... Have... Goes... For. Not. Dying," he rasped. His eyelids fell for a moment, but he snapped them open again and looked around.

"You'd better not," Thor muttered, careful not to voice too much concern about Loki's statement. His admittance alone was alarming, and in the presence of those strangers, especially Gamora, it was likely all Thor would get. Still, he had to ask. "Do you need anything? Are you hurt elsewhere?"

A minute shake of head was all response he got.

"You guys are creeping me out," Quill startled them both. "We pick you up from NOTHING, the stiff there definitely choked and dead... -ish. And now he's talking already."

"We are not easily killed," Thor offered and he wished he could feel the conviction he heard in his own voice. If anything, the most recent events had taught him that there were forces in the universe stronger than an army of Einherjar, forces that could overpower Asgardians as strong as him.

"Creepy or not, it seems you are short on whatever it is you are using to stay alive," Rocket addressed Loki as came over with a couple of small packages. "So maybe try the good old-fashioned way?" He dropped them at Loki's knees, completely ignoring how tense and utterly still he went.

Loki stared down with a frown.

"Oh, you know? Cold for the swelling?" The raccoon rolled his eyes. "Can't hurt to try. Then you can go on with the magic thing you are doing."

“Thank you,” seeing that Loki would or could not answer, Thor nodded to Rocket and wrapped the cold dressing around Loki’s wrist. “Is there a place where we could rest?” He asked, knowing well his brother would not let his guard down unless they were alone. The proclaimed hatred towards Thanos didn’t seem enough for Loki to trust them and let himself rest. If they were to go against Thanos, Thor needed his brother back in form. And, as much as he loathed to admit it, he himself needed to be able to formulate a trail of thoughts without having his head split in half.

“Oh, yeah, we could probably spare you a room for now,” Quill nodded.

“I am Groot?” The flora colossus nudged Thor expectantly. His input was unexpected, as for the whole time he seemed entirely preoccupied with his game.

“Thank you, young friend, but there’s not much you could do to help,” Thor offered him a warm smile, but Groot ignored him and reached for Loki’s wounded wrist.

Unable to back away, Loki attempted to pull his hand free and yelped. Groot ignored him too and held his hand in both of his own, concentrating. Thor was about to react and drag him away from his brother, but Groot’s efforts paid off and tiny sprouts sprang from his hands. Both brothers watched in amazement as the branches grew, entwining, and soon weaved a brace around the damaged wrist.

Cutting himself off the brace, Groot looked up back at Thor and smiled brightly. “I am Groot.”

“That was brilliant!” Thor felt a genuine smile lighten his face and he stood up, this time hauling Loki along with little effort. Wrapping his arm around his brother’s back, he tossed Loki’s good hand over his own shoulders and smiled to himself at the position he placed his brother in.

Clearly Loki recognised it too. “No. Get. Help.” He whispered and his fingers dug into Thor’s bicep.

“Well, you need it, brother,” Thor chuckled softly. Loki’s nails dug deeper.

Rocket glanced from one to the other, unimpressed. “Ugh, whatever you say. Sleep it off, guys. Over there,” he waved towards the doors to his right.

“Thank you,” Thor nodded and led Loki to where he could possibly rest. “Wake me up when it’s time to split.”

Loki shot him a confused glance. Apparently some of his conversation with the group must have slipped his attention.

Adjusting his grip on Loki’s waist, Thor answered the unvoiced question. “We are going to Nidavellir, brother.” That, at least, was a fixed part of the plan they had yet to form.

 Story can be found here too: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33583816/chapters/83450944

Please let me know what you think.

[bigfootwrites]

{escort fic}

This idea has been in my head for a while. People on the server seem to like it. I’ve gone back and forth on whether this is ooc or not but nobody has mentioned that it is so I’m gonna roll with it. It’s just a concept idea but if people are interested I’m happy to turn it into a full fic so please do let me know. Can also be read on ao3.

@today-in-fic @mypanicface  @improlificinsarcasm  @baronessblixen @foxscully @gillywitch @arboreta @agirlcallednarelle @starbuckthirteen @clarke-oswald

- - - 

He should go out and meet somebody. Get to know them, fall in love with them, build a relationship with them. Yet, relationships took time, he had been down this road multiple times and each one had ended just as badly as badly as the other, this recent relationship taking it to the next level.

He was divorced from somebody he once worshipped and the custody of their child on the line.

He wasn’t going to make a habit out of this. His hand and porn usually did the job but it didn’t always fill the void, fill that sense of loneliness that has been there since he was twelve. Sometimes he just wanted physical human companionship, sometimes he just wanted that too much.

Yet still even after swiping a leaflet that fell out of a magazine at the Lone Gunmen’s for an escort agency it took him a week to build up the courage to call them.

He chooses something called “A Girlfriend Experience”, picks someone somewhere within his age-range and tries not to feel guilty about the whole thing.

.:.:.:.:.:.

She was running late.

Tardiness never felt like an option with her yet Emily had refused to go to bed even after Dana told her she had to go to work. It had ended with Dana a few minutes behind and Emily asleep in her bed.

But it was time to push that life aside for now, to enter this restaurant as Danielle and Danielle doesn’t have a child named Emily or a pile of textbooks to study through.

The restaurant her client had chosen was nice enough; one of those business-y type places that not many wealthy people touched but it was still classy enough to be considered decent to use.

It was rare that she would be fed- food wasn’t often part of the price, after all, it was an extra expense. Besides, most of the men she had encountered just wanted a suck and a fuck and maybe the odd therapy session. Maybe around three of her requests were for this Girlfriend Experience and it wasn’t like she was rolling in requests that much anyway.

Dana had realised quickly the types of women men went for: blonde, tall, boobs. Short redheads who just about fitted into a B-cup never made the cut that often.

Yet, for whatever reason, she had be chosen. From the emails sent this man seemed nice enough of course from the stories she would hear that wasn’t something concrete to go off. People could carefully choose the words they typed, could portray themselves in a certain way online. The same could be said for in person interactions too but people were more likely to slip up during those.

For now, Dana is tucked away, she dons Danielle and approaches able 25 where her companion for the night waits for her.

When she gets there, it’s a gentle tap on the arm, a smile, and a simple “Hi, Mulder.”

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

Mulder’s heart stops in his chest as he stares at her, struck with the thought of how breath-taking she is.

He wouldn’t say little redheads was his ‘type’ but as he was going through the countless lists of girls he hadn’t wanted somebody his type, he wanted no reminder of Diana and so he had chosen her; Danielle, 5’3, 26 years old and the complete opposite to Diana.

He hadn’t seen her face before, for whatever reason she had kept it off the page, Mulder hadn’t been expecting much in terms of looks because of it yet he can’t keep his eyes off her.

He realises she’s said his name and almost comically stumbles his way to standing up, bashing a leg against the table making the cutlery jump and a brief amount of pain to ripple length ways across his right tigh.

“Danielle,” he says wincing through the pain. Her professional name knowing full well it wasn’t her real name. He might be new to this escort world but 1-800 numbers and taught him enough about fake names, maybe he should have considered using one.

She looks to be smiling at his clumsiness, fighting it back, trying to hide it.

A shaky start Mulder thinks, as he pulls out her chair yet she’s sitting down before he gets a chance to show how much of a gentleman he is.

He’s looking through the drinks menu when he realises she’s staring at him, drinking him in. It makes him feel self-conscious.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Danielle seems to have realised what she was doing, she quickly looks away from him.

“You’re just…different to who I usually meet with,” she says.

Mulder smiles wryly and cocks his head.

“Is that good or bad?” he asks unsure himself.

“That’s good,” she tells him. “Usually I get the…older men and they definitely don’t go out of their way to buy me food.” She lifts her head up and smiles waiting for his reply.

He has none other than how strange he must seem to her right now, how sad. He also tries not to feel jealous at the thought of her with other men. It’s a thought that comes out of nowhere, a thought he has no right in occupying.

“So do you come here often?” she’s asking.

The answer to was that no. It was a drive away from his apartment, away from any potential sightings of colleagues or people he sees on a daily basis.

“Never,” he says realising this could be chaotic.

But she’s laughing and it’s one of the nicest sounds his eyes have ever heard.

“I hope you didn’t come here just to try and impress me.”

“Try?” he counters. “So I take it you’re not so easily impressed?”

She shrugs. “I’ve been told as much.”

Mulder leans in, surprised at how comfortable he feels around her, how at ease he is.

“Well tell me,” he says. “Are you impressed?”

She looks around the establishment, pretending to think.

“Hmm…I think you could have done better.”

“Okay,” Mulder says leaning back and giving the room a once around himself. He would say he’s done pretty well but she’s laughing again, giggling actually, and the restaurant doesn’t matter.

They order food, not that he’s particularly hungry anymore, but for some reason he doesn’t want this to end. Spending $300 a night to talk seems better than spending $300 on an apology.

“So,” Mulder begins. “What do you do aside from…this.”

He wonders about the answer he will receive. She’s lied about her name, will she lie about this or will to follow the truth as much as she can, altering things here and there. He wonders how much of her true name is in her fake name.

“Well…through the day I study mostly,” she says and this perks his interest.

“What do you study?”

“Uh…” He sees she’s searching for an answer and it breaks his heart to know that he isn’t getting the truth though he had expected her to be a bit more prepared for these questions.

“Chemistry,” she finally says. “I wanted to be a scientist.” She says it almost shyly, tucking her head in and refusing to look at him. He amends his previous thought, perhaps there is a truth after all.

“Wanted?” Mulder asks. “Is that still not possible?”

“Well…I guess so. I’m just worried about somebody hiding out about…this.” She purses her lips and shrugs.

Mulder wonder if he’ll get to ask why she does this but then wonders if that’ll be rude to ask anyway even if did get the chance.

“Well, let me pose you a question,” he says just as their food arrives. “Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?”

He watches as she processes his question, her eyebrows knitting together as she attempts to formulate an answer and Mulder is curious as to what that answer is.

“Logically, I would have to say no,” she says slowly. “Given the distances needed to travel from the far reaches of space, the energy requirements would exceed the spacecraft’s capabilities.”

Mulder finds himself impressed with her, the certainty in her answer, he wonders if he’s getting a glimpse of a real person beneath the professionalism, other character.

“Okay, conventional wisdom,” he says, he expected it. “But when convention and science fail us, should we not start looking to the fantastic as answers?”

He thinks he’s caught her, she takes a while to answer, thinking it over through mouthfuls of salads. Mulder is too preoccupied with her mind to worry about the food that goes cold beneath him.

She swallows her food, sitting back in her seat and Mulder waits for the mental foreplay.

“That’s only if convention and science actually fail us.”

He thinks he’s in love.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

There’s an easiness Dana feels around Mulder. He’s nothing like her previous clients who see nothing beyond her sexual capabilities. Mulder seems to be interested in her mind, in her and she worries she might have revealed too much of herself to him but it’s rare she finds somebody to match her intellect, her classmates can’t keep up with her, her professors shut her down in order to give other members of the class a chance. She feels intellectually frustrated at times.

“Why do you ask all this?” she inquires.

Mulder shrugs. “Oh, it’s just a hobby.”

“Talking about extraterrestrials is a hobby?”

He looks away and mumbles something she doesn’t quite catch.

“What was what?” she asks.

“I look for them.”

It’s endearing, how different he is from anyone else she’s ever met.

“Do you think you’ll ever find them?” It’s not to jest or to make fun of him.

“I’d like to,” Mulder says with an essence of hopefulness in his voice.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

He makes the decision that he won’t fuck her.

He’ll pay $300 as a fee to access her amazing mind if he must.

They go away from the talk of aliens, something for which Mulder was glad. He has his own secrets locked away and if they continued on the subject anymore, he was worried they would tumble out of his mouth and he’d reveal how spooky he really was. They talk of other stuff, he throws conspiracy theories at her that he barely believes in himself just to hear her debunk them with finesse. She was the one who was right and he was wrong and Mulder is completely okay with that.

He stops when he reaches her hotel, this is the end of one of the best nights of his life. He’ll go home, think of her, perhaps rub one off to the thought of her, and that will be that. He’ll bin that leaflet and they’ll never talk again.

But she’s stopping when she realises he isn’t beside her anymore and turns with a puzzled look on her face.

“Tonight was great, Danielle,” he tells her. “I really enjoyed it.”

Her face almost seems to fall when she realises what he’s doing but she picks herself back up again, nodding.

“Well,” she says walking back towards him. “If we’re not doing that anymore at least let me give you this.”

Her lips touch his and fireworks go off behind him. Mulder feels as though he’s experiencing his first kiss all over again, new and exciting, and a fear that he’s doing something he’s not meant to do.

It doesn’t take long before he’s kissing her back, his tongue trying to gain access to her mouth and to her own tongue. She grants him permission, thank god, and he almost melts inside her mouth.

They fall against a wall, his head collides with the brick but he doesn’t care, there is nothing else on his mind other than the want to pick her up. He’s bent at an awkward angle because even in heels her forehead just about reaches his chin. He’s unsure what to do with his hands, on her hips, on her waist. She seems to become annoyed at his indecisiveness and takes his hands in her own, placing them against her ass all the while not breaking the kiss.

He grows impossibly hard as his senses go into overdrive. He wants her so bad when he said he wouldn’t.

“Danielle…” he moans coming up for air.

“Dana,” he hears her say and at first he’s confused wondering what she’s talking about. “Call me Dana.”

The penny drops. Her name!

“Dana.”

She’s back on him, kissing him harder this time and Mulder was kidding himself before; he’s going to make love to her.

[writethehousedown]

The Course of True Love (Jalaska) - Puppy

A/N: Wow, this was fun. I’d like to thank the mods for this challenge for me to dip my toes into the world of fic writing for this fandom. Back to logistic things. The title comes from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, as do most of the quotes in this story. This is a high school AU where Alaska is a cis girl who uses she/her pronouns, while Jinkx is nonbinary and uses they/them. Bold and italicized words under quotations are direct text from the script.

“You realize laying your face in the book won’t make the information come faster, right?” Alaska was met with a grumble and a middle finger thrust in her direction from her redheaded friend. “It’s not like we have to be off-book by tomorrow or anything…”

Jinkx sat up from their slouched position and was tempted to throw her copy of A Midsummer Night��s Dream at their scene partner, but they refrained from doing so. “But it FEELS like it, Lasky.”

“We can meet Sunday too if it makes you feel any better?”

“That might help, but I thought you mentioned something earlier about babysitting earlier.”

“Cory texted me a few minutes ago saying he could cover for me. I’m glad he listened this time when I told him I had a big assignment due.” Both students let out a sigh of relief as they delved back into Shakespeare. “Wanna start now?“

“I guess so.” Jinkx responded, hopping out of their chair. “And we’re on…”

“Act 2 Scene 1. We can start at my line again.” Alaska followed her and leaned on the wall opposite Jinkx. “Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania.” She followed with a laugh befitting a king of the fair folk.

“What, jealous Oberon?—Fairies, skip hence. I have forsworn his bed and company. I’d never forswear your bed or company…” They added under her breath, but loud enough for a certain someone to hear.

Alaska’s face temporarily turned beet red. By gods, they said that with such confidence and… energy. And the additional comment She thought nothing more of it as she continued with her lines. “Tarry, rash wanton. Am not I thy lord?”

“Then I must be thy lady- Yes! I got through that without cringing! Woot WOO!” Jinkx did a small happy dance then stopped, realizing Alaska had been watching her little spurt of energy. “I mean considering I’m… not a lady and all.”

“Jinkx! I think I figured out why you’ve been so off book so lately.”

“I’m not that bad, give it a bit…”

Alaska playfully rolled her eyes and went back to the text. The blonde was a little surprised at how off-book she was the more they rehearsed, and a little more about how her friend was completely out of it. She’d seen them in class. Their scenes with the actor playing Bottom went swimmingly, but when it was just them two, things went awry. There was a lot more banter between them, like a contest to see who can break character the fastest. These two were unstoppable.

“..No night is now with hymn or carol blest. Therefore the moon, the governess of floods, pale in her anger… pale in her anger… pale…” Jinkx hesitated for a while, then grabbed their script again to look over what the next lines were, “Goddammit, I got it last time! Why now? Why did I have to screw up two nights before we’re supposed to be off book?!”

“Have you tried dissecting what Shakespeare was trying to say with that?” Alaska picked up her own script and glanced over Titania’s monologue. “Damn, I didn’t realize how much you had your first scene.”

“As if you don’t have anything longer. At least I spend a few scenes asleep…”

“Well, at least I’m offstage for those scenes.”

“Touché… “

“So anyway, back to this Shakespeare shit. What did he mean when writing these things?”

Jinkx stared at the page a bit before formulating their answer. “Well, my whole monologue is saying climate change is immanent and it’s all your fault. Oberon’s, not yours as in Alaska’s.”

“As if there’s a difference,” The horse-faced girl joked, wanting to bring her shorter friend into an embrace.

Jinkx wiggled their way out of the embrace, stepping out of the way. “You shouldn’t have said that; it’s making things worse. I don’t want to think of you as this shitty person.”

“Wait a sec… does this mean-”

“Alaska Honard, I like you. Romantically.”

“Really?”

“I was flirting with you just a while ago, and you say I’m the dense one?!”

Alaska was speechless. Things were starting to come together in her brain, but what if part of this was temporary? Maybe it would go away once they weren’t romantic leads anymore… She took a deep breath and stepped away from her scene partner. “Let’s continue with the scene. Where were we?”

“We can skip my monologue if you want… Get back to it tomorrow?”

“That sounds good to me.” She tightened her ponytail and slipped back into the role. “Do you amend it then. It lies in you. Why should Titania cross her Oberon?” The girl snaked her arms around Jinkx and lightly swayed them to and fro. They leaned into the touch accordingly. At that moment, Alaska froze. “Why should… Why should I cross you?”

She let go and faced her scene partner for a minute or so. They couldn’t stop staring. Even as she stepped towards Jinkx Monsoon, she couldn’t stop staring at them. How could she have been so foolish?

Sooner than later, she closed the gap and their lips met.

[asgardianthot]

Flesh And Bones - Part 5

Soulmate AU

Series Masterlist

A/N: This one’s a long one to make up for how awfully long it took me to post it :D I’m so sorry I literally suck I don’t deserve your interest BUT it’s also a good one so hopefully you’ll forgive me :D and hopefully I’ll post a LOT more regularly. Enjoy!!

TW: one short mention of suicide

Words: 3557

"Bucky, stop!" Wanda shouted.

She did her best to ignore the flying items of clothing that were being thrown with no specific aiming, and instead was directing her stern look towards Barnes. The soldier’s room was a current mess, with its inhabitant grabbing everything from inside his closet and throwing it out in the most dramatic manner possible, to the floor, to his bed, it didn’t really matter as long as his message was clear: he was packing up. There was an open travel bag over at the corner, waiting to be filled so that the man could flee.

Wanda seemed more concerned than shocked at the news. Sure, finding out those two were soulmates wasn’t anything she had expected to happen anytime soon, but there would be time to digest that later. Right now, Bucky was either making a scene or going mental, or probably both, so she focused on getting him to stop.

"This is insane.” She scolded him, disappointment clear on her tone, “Nat, tell him."

When the Maximoff girl turned to ask for backup from Natasha, the latter showed no real aid whatsoever: she was holding back laughter, still at awe from the reason behind the disturbs, which was Barnes and Wilson were soulmates, and it for some reason was the most ironic, hilarious and tragicomic thing she had ever heard of.

"It-" the redhead tried to support Wanda, but failed as her contained chuckle escaped her lips, and she had to cover her smile with her hand; she quickly nodded, attempting to get rid of the smug look on her face, "It is, it's crazy."

Maximoff looked at her like she was the biggest disappointment in the room at the time. If there was something she didn’t need right now was unhelpfulness.

She turned to the man in question, "What are you trying to accomplish?"

"I'll just move out!” he yelled back, sounding like not even he trusted his own plan, “It'll go away!"

"No it won't, and you know it!" the witch pleaded, growing more and more exasperated.

"No, I don't.” Bucky stopped his actions to shrug dramatically, “You don't know it, nobody really knows how this thing works."

Eventually, Romanoff swallowed her giggles and decided to step in in more seriousness.

"Wanda's right.” She tilted her head, sympathetic, “You're just gonna have to face it."

Barnes didn’t care to dignify the intervention with an answer. He easily shook his head and grabbed the travel bag from the corner. A loud sigh was heard coming from Wanda, who stood there rather defeated and crossing her arms. Looking around, she frowned at the amount of clothes and garbage that lied all over the floor and didn’t seem to bother Bucky in the slightest.

"Have you always been this messy?” she judged him, taking her anger out on that unimportant detail, “You were a fugitive."

Barnes faced her and replied in ridiculous anger, "I got messier, it's one of the perks of not being on the run!"

Wanda went along with their deaf debate and proceeded to scold him about it, so that he would at least stop moving for a few seconds.

"You're running away as we speak!" Maximoff threw her hand in the air.

-

"Don't."

Steve hadn’t produced a single word since Barnes had abandoned the common room, followed by Natasha. The zone had remained static, only disrupted by Sam’s slow walk to the couch, where he slouched with lost eyes. Steve stood in the same spot he had been standing for the last ten minutes, both in absolute silence until Sam phrased the negation.

Rogers raised an eyebrow, "I didn't-"

"You're thinking it." Sam cut him off in annoyance.

The blonde was left to open his mouth only to shut it closed again. Both resumed their processing. Steve, even if not one of the actors of the situation, was finding himself at a mental bifurcation. Both of his best friends, the ones he had attempted to turn best friends to each other and failed multiple times, were bound. And none of them seemed too happy about it.

After minutes of more silence, it appeared as if something clicked inside of Sam’s brain.

“Fuck.” He let out, then stared at the ceiling with a sarcastic smile that was anything but happy.

He shook his head and stood up, headed to his room, and rarely to be seen again.

In fact, he began avoiding the rest of the team quite successfully. He picked up every small, individual mission or debriefing, and made sure to spend as much time away from the kitchen as possible. Tony asked him what was going on at the tower that had everybody so tense, when Sam met him at Stark Industries.

Back at SHIELD headquarters, an unexpected visit surprised him on labor hours. He was dropping some paperwork at an empty office where Maria Hill was supposed to be, and as he turned to the open door, his eyes clashed against a figure standing in his way.

“Look who’s still alive.” Natasha smiled, leaning against the doorframe and crossing her arms.

Sam was left to do less than nod. He merely acknowledged her presence and didn’t deny his disappearance for the last days.

“Just taking some time.” He let out with detachment, “I think I earned it.”

He was referring to the injury he had suffered on the job. Samuel Wilson was never one to cut schedules or skip work; as a matter of fact, he was the first one to openly judge and poke fun at whoever showed themselves lazy when it came to avenging. That whoever being, very often, Bucky. Usually, and he hadn’t failed to prove it, not even getting his ass kicked would be enough for Sam to take any sort of injury leave. However, this time, even with his ribs and shoulder healed, he decided to pretend like he hadn’t been working as much. Of course, he simply had managed to get work done without alerting the nosy –and preoccupied- team members nor Barnes of his whereabouts.

“As long as you need.” Romanoff did her best to support him and let him know he wasn’t being judged nor reprimanded for shutting out. “We just miss you ‘s all.”

A small, appreciative smile popped up on Wilson’s face, which was enough for Natasha. All she wanted was to make sure Sam was alive and well, after all. And to report to Steve that Sam was alive and well. Seconds of awkward silence passed until Natasha uncrossed her arms and took one step forward, in order to attain some sort of intimacy.

“You okay?” she asked endearingly.

“Yep.” Sam popped his lips, failing to sound very convincing.

Another wave of quiet hit the office. Now that Natasha had reached out, perhaps he could get some information from the other side. Asking the former double-agent seemed fitting.

“Is-?” he tried to formulate the question, yet fell short of words.

Noticing his struggling, Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“You’re asking me if James is alright?” she managed to assume, which earned her a hesitant head tilt from her coworker; the redhead couldn’t conceal an amused grin, “I wouldn’t know. You’re so good at avoiding each other, we don’t see any of you anymore.”

However, Wilson didn’t appear as amused. Instead, the spy’s response only made him remember how deeply bad he felt about this whole thing. He wanted to talk to Bucky. He wanted to clear things out, even if Sam himself didn’t know what clear was at that point, but he figured they could decipher it together. For some unknown reason, Sam felt drawn to being in Bucky’s presence. He would often find himself pursuing said presence, without even realizing how willingly. And especially now, he felt the need to confront the man. Maybe he was used to his company, or maybe it was something else. Maybe it had to do with the bond.

“Something on your mind?” Natasha drew him away from his thoughts, yet quickly realized how both oblivious and redundant that sounded, “Besides the obvious.” She tilted her head to the side with sympathy.

Sam thought hard about that one. Yes, there were a million things on his mind at that very second, but he lacked the energy and courage to build an entire therapy session right there and then. The amount of things he could get off his chest would take him hours to go through, probably. Still, there was one specific detail that he considered to be a good start in his process; hopefully, communicating it to someone –with that someone being interested enough to ask– would help.

So he leaned on the desk and sighed, preparing to tell the story as he stared down to his dressing shoes.

"Remember when we were taking down SHIELD... back in the warehouse where they kept Fury." Once he pushed through the opening sentence, he stared up to check on Natasha’s attention.

She nodded, a frown planted on her face, and went back to crossing her arms over her chest. Sam knew she didn’t mean to look unapproachable but was simply attempting to understand him fully. Therefore, he took another breath and continued.

"We had just fought... him."

Sam meant the Winter Soldier. Natasha knew that Sam meant the Winter Soldier. Everyone knew that Sam never referred to the man under brainwash as Bucky, because he knew that that wasn’t Bucky. Bucky was innocent and protective and grumpy and good and Bucky would regret joining the army if it wasn’t for Steve and Bucky had nightmares about everything he did during the war and while under Hydra. The man that all three heroes had fought back in 2014 wasn’t Bucky.

"Yeah." Natasha nodded, allowing him to keep talking.

"Hydra got him at that point, right? And I can't imagine what they did to him, but... back in that warehouse, I started feeling this horrible pain.” He described the scene squinting his eyes, “Like my brain was set on fire."

"You didn't say anything." Romanoff recalled with curiosity.

He shrugged, "You had a gun wound, a headache wasn't exactly a priority to anyone at the moment." He received an understanding look from Natasha, thus agreeing with his better judgement, "Besides, it wasn't the first time."

Another concerning look plastered itself on the woman’s features.

“What do you mean?”

Suddenly, Wilson began regretting opening up in the first place.

“Nothing.” He shook his head, but quickly regained the strength to at least finish the story, “Just… that soulmate bond? I felt it way back. Before Barnes and I met.”

-

Nobody had knocked on Sam’s door all afternoon, and still, there was a piece of paper that had been clearly slid under it. Whoever had dropped it off didn’t want to face him, which gave him an idea of who that was. He sighed, already emotionally drained from his talk with Natasha, one that had become much longer than anticipated, and bent his back to pick it up from the floor.

Once in his hands, he noticed it was a note. And in it, although there was no signature nor name, an apology he easily trailed back to Bucky.

"I'm sorry for coming at you like that.

I don't think you're obsessed with soulmates.

And you're definitely not crazy.

That would be me, actually."

-

The former assassin continued to try and find a way out of the situation, and exclusively, a way out that wouldn’t hurt Sam. That was all he cared about, really: not dragging a good and kind man into his mess.

He often locked himself with distracting activities, but lately, he had become much more proactive in not avoiding reality. First, he had slid an apology note under Sam’s door. Now, he needed to come up with a solution.

Googling about soulmate research and crazy theories, he stumbled upon a website, a help group for people who felt their soulmate's bond when it was too late: people who felt the injury that killed their unknown significant-other-to-be. The first testimony was already dark and unnecessarily informative: a woman narrated the sensation of sliced wrists on her untouched skin.

Bucky felt the mix of sadness and frustration revolting his guts, and he shut the laptop closed with a groan. Not only did the thought of people suffering such unjust fates regarding their love-lives disgust him, but it also killed his hope of an escape. If the whole thing could be so cruel to simple human beings, then maybe his bond to Sam was a sick joke.

He decided to walk up to Wilson’s room complex, and this time, he did knock on the door.

The man’s voice was heard from inside, "Come in."

For some reason, the sound of his voice hit Bucky in the stomach. He hadn’t heard him in a while, which wasn’t usual for them, but still, this wasn’t like the other times they had spent time apart. This time, they knew about this weird, unknown and unspoken bond. It could mean that the other had feelings for them, or it could mean they themselves felt things and didn’t even know it.

It was confusing as it was, and now hearing Sam’s voice made it all much more dizzying.

Nevertheless, Bucky gathered up some strength and opened the door. Sam was sitting on his desk, working on a laptop. It looked like he had been taking a little break, by the look of his relaxed body leaned on the chair and the mug of coffee on his hands.

As soon as Sam recognized the person walking into his room, he stood up and abandoned the mug on top of his desk.

"Did you read my note?" Barnes broke the ice.

Sam nodded, suddenly forgetting what to do with one’s hands.

"Yeah."

Bucky replied with a similar nod. The quiet tension surrounding them was too much to ignore, so Bucky simply slid his hands inside the back pocket of his jeans and shut his eyes, preparing for the conversation they were about to have.

"I don't-“ he sighed, still not opening his eyes, and went straight to the point, “I can't be your soulmate."

Sam raised his eyebrows and pretended the sentence didn’t hurt.

"Gee, thanks." He mocked.

"You know we can't." Bucky reiterated in all seriousness when he met Sam’s gaze.

Unfortunately, both men meant completely different things. On his part, Wilson had processed the bond as something tricky, because they hadn’t been best friends in the past. For some time they even believed to dislike each other.

"Yeah, took me by surprise as well. But I doubt there's much we can do about it." The veteran shrugged, doing his best to conceal how unwanted the chat was making him feel.

Bucky scratched his forehead with nervousness.

"If I just... go away." He began, and before Sam could interrupt the presentation of his dumb idea, he raised his palm in somewhat desperation, "Just, hear me out.” He pleaded, “I leave. For good. And eventually you can find someone else."

"That's not-"

"Not how it works, I've heard that.” Bucky spat with frustration, “But what about people who skip the rules? The ones who never have a soulmate. Or the ones who swear they've had two in a lifetime, that's...” the soldier had to stop and breathe after such a declaration, “…we can skip the rules."

After making sure that Barnes was done explaining his brilliant plan, Sam stepped in.

"Sounds awfully romantic for a plan to avoid romance." He said sarcastically.

Bucky knew that behind the jokes, Sam had actually listened and therefore was considering the offer. He let the thought sit in for a few more minutes, but as Sam failed to say anything, which consequentially meant he wasn’t agreeing, the brunette continued to try and convince him.

"I just... it ain't me.” He shook his head, “That's not fair."

Eventually, Wilson started to follow Bucky’s trail of thought. It suddenly didn’t sound like the problem were Bucky’s feelings for him, but Bucky’s feelings about himself.

He frowned, “What, for me?"

Barnes stared at him like he had expected him to understand that ages ago.

"Yeah, you know...” He said now with less confidence, “I'm Barnes. I'm pretty sure this is the universe punishing you for something."

The former assassin had a rapid intrusive thought about how he didn’t use to believe in bigger purposes, and now that he was part of one, any divine reason behind a soulmate bond could potentially make sense to him.

"Unless you got a dark past we haven't heard about, you don't deserve this." He finally added, making sure they were on the same page.

The total picture finally kicked into Sam’s brain.

"Is that why you think I don't like this situation? Your baggage?"

On his part, Bucky kept thinking that he was in the right, so he figured Sam wouldn’t have the nicest opinion on the matter.

"Just forget it, okay? I'm telling you I can be out here by tomorrow.” He insisted, avoiding the subject of his baggage, “Just don't tell Steve or he'll try to convince-"

"Do you think-“ Sam cut him off, raising his voice, “Do you think I don't want you as my soulmate because you used to be the Winter Soldier?"

By then, it was Bucky who felt a little in the dark.

"I mean..."

"No! It's because you're annoying as hell!” Sam snapped, his disbelief becoming plain anger, “And this is the perfect example. You didn't even let me face you, you jumped- no, sprinted to conclusions, and can't even hold a proper conversation without trash talking over me."

The fact that Sam actually wanted to give the bond a try got through Bucky’s thick skull after weeks of denying the possibility of it. And it should have made him joyful, to know that Sam didn’t view him like some sad obligation or cruel punishment. He wanted to be happy about it, but receiving a scolding from Wilson never failed to offend him. It was sort of their dynamic.

Bucky’s shocked expression turned into a tantrum-like one, "Oh, like you're so amazing yourself!"

"Trust me, I am amazing.” Sam flaunted himself with a big accusatory hint in his tone, “I'm over here trying to discuss things, despite you being emotionally unavailable.”

Barnes wanted to comeback, to interrupt Sam with a winning argument, but there was none. He hadn’t given any situation a try; not talking to Sam when he found out in the first place, not communicating their mindsets, not listening. He found himself at a loss of words, his mouth gaping and closing again. Sam continued to get hyped up in the worse way possible.

“You keep saying how you'll leave the tower forever, meanwhile I'm-"

Bucky’s loss of words turned into a raging wave of bravery. The knot in his stomach made him feel impulsive, and the sensation that just trying would solve everything pushed him to do the unthinkable.

He interrupted not with an insult, but with a kiss. He took two large leaps in order to close the gap between them, grabbed Sam’s face by each side and collided their lips roughly. The messy mouth crashing against his took Sam by surprise, but he easily gave in, which not only allowed Bucky to continue, but also to tidy the contact. They became gentle, their lips mending with each other like fitting puzzle pieces, and instantly moving in synchrony.

The hands that were holding Sam’s face lowered to the back of his neck, which Bucky held sweetly with his flesh thumb running up and down his nape. It only took Sam half a second to react and hold Bucky’s waist, dragging him close until their chests were impossibly together. They could both feel the other’s heartbeats thumping and decreasing their rapid rate as they reacted to each other’s caresses.

Nothing could have prepared them for how right it felt to have their heads spinning, stomach churning, warmth setting a home inside their ribcages.

As soon as one of them ended the contact and their wet lips were feeling cold without the other, both pairs of wide eyes met in shock.

"Oh." Sam let out.

The onomatopoeia not only let Bucky know that Sam wasn’t expecting the chemistry either, but also that the chemistry had been just as explosive for Sam as well. The brunette stepped back, losing his grip on Sam’s shoulders and losing Sam’s grip on his own waist.

"Yeah." He let out with a breath, agreeing.

Sam copied Barnes and stepped back as well, allowing some distance between them while they let what they had just felt sink in.

A frown took over Sam’s eyebrows.

"I still kinda hate you, though."

Bucky let a small chuckle escape, "God, this is so stupid." He said before engaging in a penetrant stareoff, which he lost; he glanced at the door and ran one hand down his face, "I'm gonna go. Not walking away from a discussion, just... leaving it at that." He defended himself although he wasn’t being accused of anything.

Still, the second that he stepped out the door and into the hallway, Sam spoke in hopes of being heard by the long gone figure.

"That's the definition of walking out."

[toyahinterviews]

TOYAH TALKS SHEP FARMING IN BARNET WITH PHIL MARRIOTT 13.11.2020

PHIL: I'm so thrilled to be with Toyah Willcox on zoom! How are you? TOYAH: Woooo! I'm OK. It's really good to see you. I haven't seen many people in the last seven months so it's so good to see you! PHIL: I was just going to say – likewise. The last time I saw you was at Wise Buddha, a studio just off Oxford Street in Central London and we could see each other face to face TOYAH: That was about 18 months ago PHIL: I know! How have you been? TOYAH: I'm really good. Well, I'm really confused because I live in a market town, on a square, one High Street and I'm bang in the middle of all of this. I have a chemist next door, we did have a bank next door but we bought it and that's now our offices. So I'm looking outside my window and there is all normality. There's no sign of any kind of lockdown and I'm wondering if I'm being lied to because I've got people on park benches, drinking coffee, talking to everyone, eating and I'm thinking “I thought this was a lockdown!” I'm so confused! PHIL: It's crazy, isn't it? I went past a bar yesterday and they were walking in and out and my partner said "hang on a minute! It's meant to be lockdown!" I think it was take-away, it just felt like normality, it just felt normal. It's weird TOYAH: This feels normal. None of that terror of last April. Everyone's just having a lovely time out there and I'm thinking someone's played a joke on me because I've been indoors for so long PHIL: We do need it though, don't we … By the way I've been loving your lockdown shows every Saturday. It's been a real ritual. I've been pottering around and then I've been switching onto your Toyah At Home show on Saturday morning TOYAH: Oh, thank you PHIL: It's been fantastic, really enjoyed those. And they've been really honest as well because you've been talking about your life and feeling nostalgic and talking about what's happening at the moment and we don't normally get to see that – you walking around your house, showing things in your house, your books. It's been brilliant 

TOYAH: I'm going to keep it up because normally on my working year I'm running an office. I run the band, I run the record side of things, I run the gigs – booking them and I never get time for any of that so it's been fantastic for me and for my husband Robert. We've been kind of been able to address what fans need

That might sound silly because fans just need to see you live and (to) do your music – well, lockdown has proven much more than that. I'm going to try and keep it going and try and prioritise the connection we've made with the fans and stop prioritising the ridiculous amount of bureaucracy we both have to deal with. So it's been great on that level it's been a fantastic year! PHIL: It's been really good for the fans as well like you say because they really appreciate it because they're feeling a bit lonely and isolated and it's good to have that company as well, isn't it? TOYAH: It's been shocking. We do a lot of celebrity messaging. We were a bit doubtful about it at first. We thought "oh gosh is this a step too far?" It's been a absolute joy and occasionally you get the odd message from someone saying "I'm so desperate, I'm so alone, can you just say something to help shake this blackness off me" We've really really loved every minute of doing these messages and also realising that our broadcasts have a deeper meaning than just us going "look at us". It's all become so much deeper and that is beautiful. It's affected my writing. The new album Posh Pop is really deep, it's really passionate and it really rocks and that could only have happened because of this exceptional year   PHIL: We have to talk about Sheep Farming In Barnet. I can't believe it's 40 years TOYAH: Look what I've got! (Waves the box set about) PHIL: I know! I can't wait to see that TOYAH: This is an exclusive! PHIL: Amazing! TOYAH: It only arrived two days ago 

PHIL: It's new images as well isn't it, like you've shown there, new photographs that we've not seen before. This is an album that was released in 1979 as an AP – an Alternative Play (above) and then it was released as an album in 1980 so you're obviously celebrating the 40th anniversary. What are you memories of this though because obviously a lot of stuff gets forgotten about. You've got a very good memory I have to say, watching your Toyah At Home videos. You seem to remember a lot of detail. Do you remember detail of that period? TOYAH: It's shockingly bad. My wonderful archive manager and he designed this, Craig Ashley, designed with Alan Sawyers – he writes a essay about each project. We're already onto Blue Meaning and then we're onto Anthem so we're 12 months ahead. We put this (Sheep) to bed three months ago. My memories were jogged by an essay that Craig had to send me. He knows more about my life than I do. He prompted my memory with this astonishing essay that's in here (shows the boxset) I thought "I did that?! I did that ?! Oh my God!" This is a long time ago this album but what I will say about it – I've always remembered that I think it's the one of the most relevant, one of the most original, ingenious albums of that period and it's never had that credit. Cherry Red (the record company) have really taken this on board and they are giving it the 100%. It's a beautiful album. There's a beautiful innocence but there's also so many pathways we opened for other people with this album. It's a fun album. It's a real danceable album. It's about youthful energy. It's beautiful and it's a side of punk that isn't that well known. It's great. I adore this album 

PHIL: So this album was recorded – correct me if I'm wrong – Chappel Studios, New Bond Street wasn't it, in Central London - TOYAH: Yes! PHIL: Which is now the Mulberry store. There's something about quite poignant about that – it should always be that studio I guess but what are your memories of recording there? Do you have many memories of you actually recording it? TOYAH: Next door was Chanel and Hermes and I just pooh pooed them “Who wants to spend that on a handbag?” I don't want to spend half a million quid on a silk scarf. If only I knew, hindsight is a beautiful thing. The studio was upstairs, very very traditional. Almost old fashioned because the studio was a song writer's studio. There was quite a few studios in the corridor I was in. We were one of the first punk acts to go in. I found the whole recording process in this particular instance very difficult because we now know I sing without headphones on. I cannot do that (puts hands over ears) It just affects me emotionally. So this took about four albums to discover that. Steve James, our producer, realised that he was going to get the best performance out of me if he just put speakers in the room and I performed as live. That was a learning curve - it was a big learning curve. So the first songs we recorded - for me – were emotionally quite tough  because I was just trying to learn how to work within this dead space. Recording studios – if you haven't been in one – have no sound reflection.

So we've got sound reflection here, I'm surrounded by mirrors, I can hear myself speak but in a studio it's a dead sound. It's really difficult to form notes in that kind of sound so … You asked me what was the experience like? It was a major learning curve of dealing with working within dead sound. Now, if I'm acting and I'm in a studio there's nothing more beautiful than dead sound because it makes you forget about the camera. So it was very very enlightening, it was energetic, we were an energetic team I think it was challenging for the whole band because Keith Hale was brought in as an arranger and that was frustrating for Pete Bush who is the main keyboard player on this album and he felt very threatened by that. But all this rather glorious usurp thing and power play is the result of this album. That and the fact that we honed every song in front of a live audience, which is such a privileged thing to so. We would do these incredible long encores that were as along as the actual show because the audience would never let us go We would run out of songs so we'd start to play them stuff we were formulating in soundcheck and this is how we came up with these glorious arrangements because we knew what affected the audience before we went into the recording studio. That is something that all young writers should have the privilege to do today because to watch an audience affected by a bridge or a chorus – you just know what you need to do as a songwriter. So much of today happens away from a live audience and this is all about live audience work. It was magnificent PHIL: The album title itself – it still raises eyebrows today, doesn't it? Sheep Farming In Barnet. It's one of those really distinctive album titles that really stand out -

TOYAH: I know! Well, I lived in Barnet and bang in the middle of this urban kind of chaos with the A406 was a field with sheep in it and I just thought   "sheep farming in Barnet?" So I wanted to call the album something that didn't relate to an emotion and didn't relate to another song. I wanted something completely out there. This is me (show the album cover) having broken in to Fylingdales - the early warning system - where they had sheep grazing and when we broke in we found an awful lot of dead sheep and we were arrested ten minutes after that was taken Bill Smith the art director was with me as was Gem, my boyfriend at the time and we had to hide the film down my pants. We knew we would not be body searched. We were literally just marched off the premises so we got the film out. So that whole "sheep farming in Barnet" was just a big question mark of what is our reality? PHIL: Is that something you do today? Stuff the - TOYAH: Guerilla filming? PHIL: Just stuff the evidence? TOYAH: Everything? Yeah, everything goes down my pants. As I get older it it's one of my things I do with my personal dementia – everything goes down my pants (Phil laughs) PHIL: I remember NME did a review – I think it was a three star review, it should've been more obviously but for the NME that was pretty good. At the time they called you a "post punk Grace Slick" -   TOYAH: I have no problems with being the punk Grace Slick. My goodness that woman was a great voice PHIL: It's a nice comparison. Now, the album was split into two parts – much like Kate Bush's Hounds Of Love which had the Ninth wave as the 2nd part  - TOYAH: Yeah! This was 1979! (waves the box set about)  

PHIL: I was going to say – you did that before her. Both brilliant albums obviously but this had Heaven and it had Hell and there is a lot of darkness in this album because there's a lot of vivid imagery when you listen to those lyrics. I suppose it's the horror and sci-fi fan in you, is it?   TOYAH: It's very dark poetry. I mean Neon Womb is quite innocent. I was making a movie with Katherine Hepburn called The Corn Is Green. I had to get on the tube train. The first tube train of the morning in Battersea which was six in the morning and I had to walk over to Victoria to get the train. And I just remember being alone in this tube that was neon lit and I thought "this is like a neon womb."

So that's where that name came from. Indecision I wrote in my home in Birmingham, the lyrics came there and I was doing lots of TV promotion for the film Jubilee and I just couldn't make up my mind what to wear so Indecision came out of that. And then Waiting is very dark Waiting is about if we looked at the planet and it only had burn layers and every burn layer was a war and you'd cut through them you'd see a very different planet. We wouldn't see a green planet. So Waiting is about layer upon layer upon layer of wars that we've had in the past … Let's say – let's be brave about this – 50 000 years? It's an endless theme on this planet. So that's what that one is about. Danced is about a second coming because I was brought up in extreme religious education by parents who weren't religious So because I was a rebel and because I was really out there as a child and I've always been a bit like this - they thought to cleanse my soul I should go into extreme religious education which I had from the age of about 10 ten right through to 14. So that has affected the poetry of my life a lot and that's what Danced is about.

Danced is saying the 2nd coming is coming – this is fantasy – but it ain't going to be a human being! It's someone coming from up there so that's what Danced is about. I'm always questioning the metaphor of what I've been taught and there's so many metaphor's in this (shows the box set). But I think that's what the fans like is that I use the imagery of metaphors to question things  

PHIL: And there are so many anthems on this as well, particularly for fans that have been with you from day one. You know, Danced. You mentioned Neon Womb as well. These are real live favourites. There's a couple of of tracks I've never seen you perform live, Computer being one of those. Is that something that you would think about playing? TOYAH: Yeah! In lockdown we had to do the DVD filming (for the disc in the box set). Nigel Clark of Dodgy, my neighbour, came round and we performed Computer. He performed it beautifully, he even did backing vocals and that's on the DVD version of this (shows the box set). It's gorgeous so we could put that in live now but there's so much material, my whole back catalogue, I have to capture in shows today, an hour and half shows I have to capture about 28 albums. And remember 14 of those songs are hit singles. So we chop and change and we try and fit everything in. Computer might come into the show but then we'll get people complaining we can't fit in Neon Womb, Danced and everything else PHIL: Too many songs to play TOYAH: There's just too many songs to play. You got Our Movie as well. I get a big call for Victims Of The Riddle but that is impossible to sing live. It's in an octave higher register than I normally sing in today and also it's one of those songs once you've done the first two lines everyone goes to the bar or starts talking. So we've decided if the fans demand a song and they don't listen to it – we don't do it!   

PHIL: I want to talk about the digipak that you have in your hands of this album because it's a real treat isn't it, for fans because there's a lot of versions they've never heard before. We mentioned Computer just then. That sounds quite different in its demo form. Are you quite happy to release these demos because obviously these have never been released before. It's so great to hear these now after so long TOYAH: This is the first album released where Joel Bogen (the original Toyah band guitarist and composer) and myself have actually been corresponded with about having permission of them going on the album. So one of my top selling albums in the world now is an album called Mayhem which is demos that Joel and I never wanted to be heard and ironically that is the world top selling Toyah album

So this time around now Cherry Red own the whole back catalogue they have agreed that will never happen again so we're even re-vamping Mayhem for its re-release. So there are 30 additional tracks, most of them unheard   going onto this. It's a double LP and a live DVD and there's even DVD footage that's never been seen before     PHIL:  It's a real Christmas present, isn't it? TOYAH: It's perfect! PHIL: Yeah! TOYAH: When we do demos they're pre-producer arrangements so obviously when you get into the studio and having heard the demo and hopefully played the song live in front of an audience you can then re-work it. So doing a demo is like trying out a recipe for a cake and if you feel that you can improve – then you improve and most of the time that's what people do do PHIL: So Victims Of The Riddle is your debut single which is featured on this album. There was another version on the single B-side which was called Vivisection. To me that seems like a kind of outspoken view of your hate for animal experiments. Was that the case? Was it that obvious? TOYAH: Yeah PHIL: It was?

Above: Toyah with her rabbit WillyFred in 2016

TOYAH: Yeah. I like to think it's not so awful today and I think a lot of people, a lot of human beings stepped forwards and said "you can test that on us." So stop breeding animals to test on. So I put my hand up here – I'm against vivisection but I've had hip replacement, I've had life saving surgery for cancer. Animals have paid so that I can live. So it's not as if I've even avoided every aspect of the results of vivisection.

Where my argument is and if the make-up industry - which has something like a £6 billion fund for testing - keeps testing on animals they're never going to change the world and protect and do good husbandry to animals. Now at the time we were making this … '79 … this was … I mean it was rampant. Animals were just being treated so badly I was a very experimental singer in the beginning, I use my voiced as an instrument thus the stylisation on Vivisection. And I wanted to use this as a wake up call to those who didn't know about the cruelty to animals but also the amount of people who were willing to be human test people.

And it was just – if you don't bring that into your audience's intelligence then no-one could do anything about it and I think the greatest revolution we have had in the 40 years is we've stopped buying things unless they adhere to an ethic we believe in.

So good husbandry, non-cruelty to animals, respect for animals, understanding that animals do have souls, they do have an emotional life, they feel pain as much as they feel joy and this was what that was about   PHIL: I'm glad you answered that question that way because I certainly saw it as very influential at the time – like you say it was a different time back then, in the 70's and the late 70's. There was a lot more of that nastiness going on and as a result more people have become vegetarian and vegan as well over the years, particularly the last five years people have become vegan which is great. So it's a good shift, isn't it? 

TOYAH: It's very good. I think in a year's time when we have a vaccine for Covid and there has been human guinea pigs involved here ... I think one of the biggest outcomes of Covid and Covid history we probably, worldwide, will become vegetarian. What I mean by that is the easiness within Covid is mutating within the animal circuit and if we keep consuming animal flesh we are probably going to help Covid mutate even more. I'd like to think that one of the kind of strange blessings of this exceptional year is that the majority of the planet will become vegetarian   PHIL: Siouxsie and The Banshees did the Kaleidoscope album a few years ago which I saw at South Bank, I know you're a fan as well, of Siouxsie - TOYAH: Yes! PHIL: Is that something that you (want to) do with Sheep Farming? Do it as a whole? TOYAH: (I'll) do it with any album but people want Siouxsie. I've had to  - this is my career “Let me in! Let me in! (bangs the air with her fist) “Give me a fucking job!” Siouxsie, you know, gets invited because people absolutely adore her. I'm not on Siouxsie's level but I think what will change for me because in the last 40 years my catalogue has been with a record label that has actively allowed it to die and now Cherry Red- as soon as they announce these releases – I mean this went number one in the pre-order charts across the board and Cherry Red have released the demand is huge But if you don't have the record company behind you and the PR behind you and the team behind you … I don't get invited to play whole albums at the Queen Elizabeth Hall. So I now think this is going to change quite radically and hopefully my work will get the respect it deserves. But it has to be out there for that to happen and in the last 40 years it's just been buried  

PHIL: Last Goodbye, another track on this album, last time we spoke we talked about your love of horror   TOYAH: Yeah  PHIL: And you told me watch The House That Jack Built, which I saw after your recommendation and yeah – it disturbed me very much (laughs) TOYAH: That's an astonishing film. There's another one I'll recommend to you and it's very gentle. It's a love story but it also it also tiptoes into the surreal and horror and it's called Border. I just adore this film    - PHIL: I've seen it, it's amazing. It really gets under your skin, doesn't it? TOYAH: It's gorgeous. That is like reading a really good book. It translates beautifully PHIL: Absolutely, a very atmospheric film. But Last Goodbye on Sheep Farming – it's quite an evocative lyric. Again quite a dark lyric. There is lightness as well, obviously, on Sheep Farming but I'm just going to read the lyric here : “He points the knife between her eyes. Its light reflects on the one he despises. Here's one for the pain, here's one for the lies. When flood flows out I watch her say goodbye”  That is quite - TOYAH: It's a revenge song but I mean this is about the vulnerability of men and men are vulnerable and this is the ultimate revenge. He can take on someone who is more powerful than him and it's a woman. So I always like to kind of invert what people see as normal. I think woman are just as easily aggressive as men are and devious and plotting so it's revenge on someone who has psychologically destroyed someone else.

And I think historically – I need to place it in context – 40 years ago and even 50 years ago you never heard about women's prisons, you never heard about female criminals. It was always men. There were only three that we heard about when I was young that were serial killers. I'm not going to name them, let's not give them the publicity but what you didn't hear was about was petty female criminals, female prisons and female aggression. It was never reported 50-40 years ago as it is today. You know you've got Piers Morgan doing “Female Serial Killers” today so here we were in the punk movement, '79, and it was such an opportunity to be one of the first women in this movement that I could invert everything I'd been taught And one of them is about women being psychologically cruel which kind of covers a lot of the early work. So I was just inverting stories and turning them into myth really. And another thing that was emerging at this time … computers were being programmed at this time on a mass level. So a lot of people we worked with, our roadies would disappear at night to go and do binary programming into computers and this was going on 24/7 to get computers how they are today. So there was this kind of secret technology going on that fascinated us but we didn't understand I mean if we ever knew we would have a phone in our hand (shows her mobile) or we'd be able to talk like this (on Zoom) … that was science fiction. And another thing that science fiction  back then … was … oh, it's going out of my head … ah yes! Was how games were developed. So Dungeons and Dragons was very much a fantasy game then and it was the only fantasy game  as was – Lord Of The Rings was a book, you never realised it would be made into a really brilliant  digitally composed film. So fantasy for me was very very important. It was escapism from a normality that could be not only boring but could also be dangerous so all of that reflects in my work as well 

PHIL: I could sit and talk to you Toyah for hours. I know you've got other interviews to do because you've got so much to do in the coming weeks before this re-release, this re-vamp of Sheep Farming In Barnet. It's out on the 4th of December but I have got one last question which I invited people to send in and this is a question from Darren Anthony and he's asked which 3 things, if there are 3 things, would you change about your debut album if you could? TOYAH: Ohhh! Do you know, Darren, this is such a good question and the only thing I would change – because there's a beautiful innocence about this album – I would change nothing about the music. I would've changed immediately the technique I use for singing because I've only in the last ten years really gleaned my 100% technique. And I would … just … how can I put this? If you're a singer you understand “opening the throat”. I would open the throat more, I would've had more confidence as a singer Instead I'd get into the studio and lack of confidence would make me go (pulls shoulders in and head behind hands) I would just close up like that and the voice became quite small. So that's one thing I would change but I can only answer that in hindsight. Elusive Stranger is an incredibly popular song and I would've just not sung the intro in that octave. I would bring that down an octave which would make it far easier to sing live today.

And I can't find a third thing I would've changed. Perhaps the one thing I would've changed about the whole of the beginning of my career – I was very against my natural femininity where women who are hugely successful not only exhibit their femininity but they control their femininity and I saw my femininity as a barrier that I needed to either kind of break down or walk away from. So I probably would exploit it - in the right way, in the Madonna way – my femininity PHIL: I should say it's also out on white vinyl which I've ordered and I can't wait to see that either! TOYAH: Wahey! PHIL: To represent the golf balls on the sleeve   TOYAH: Oh, I know! It's a clever design. It's clever. Phil - thank you so much and I hope see you sooner than the 18 months - PHIL: Yes, me too. Good luck and stay safe. Thank you, Toyah TOYAH: Good luck everybody!   

You can watch the interview HERE

[digimonadventuretimelines]

[10-  Emergencial Reunion!!]

“You said it was an emergency so you have to be straight and tell us what’s going on.”

Iori didn’t want to sound rude, but considering everyone at this point is full of work to do, like Joe having many appointments with hurt or sick digimon as example.

“It’s about him” Ken said with a serious tone.

Everyone stopped talking or complaining, creating a heavy and uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. It wasn’t like they had given up on Daisuke, and yes that they had no clues to solve that issue. Taichi had gotten no time to search for him, and had given a lot of excuses to the media to keep everything under control. If not… How would’ve Taichi explain that without revealing that Daisuke is one of the DigiChosen?

“What did you get?” Miyako broke the silence, yet her voice was cold. They were talking about her husband after all.

“We never learned what happened to him” Ken began, “Two years ago, we got a message on our digivices about a mysterious S.O.S. signal. Daisuke and I went to check it out, but we had been ambushed by a digimon.”

“That we know, Ichijouji” Takeru vaguely commented.

“The jogress was an option for us but, we got separated in combat. When we found each other, Daisuke shoved me into the gate to save me from being captured.” 

“Then, what have you discovered about the case?” Taichi acted as the good and old leader once again “You said on the phone that it is connected to the Roar of Freedom, am I wrong?”

“It’s an assumption” Ken explained “This group had been spotted on the same area Daisuke got caught, and they know who we are. Because after someone executed the Strikedramon brothers… We found that they left a message addressed to us.”

“Are they threatening us…?” Yamato clenched his fist, but Takeru calmed him down.

“We didn’t give up on finding Daisuke, and this may be the very first clue we got since two years ago.”

“... What you want us to do?” Koushiro asked him, and that was everyone’s question as well. 

Ken hated to feel pressured by glares, somehow it brings him bad memories from his childhood. However, he was on Daisuke’s position in the group -- While Taichi is the first and Yamato the second… Daisuke is somehow the third. And Ken does not like to be the lead despite being the head of the Special Digimon Cases Unit.

“Nothing for now” he answered a few moments later, trying to formulate words in his mind.

“You want to go there and investigate, am I wrong?” Taichi said, then looked at the others.

“If Ken goes, I’m going” Miyako raised from her seat “Daisuke is not only our friend, it’s my husband. And I have to protect my family.”

“I’d like to go too but… I’m busy” Iori mused.

“I have a lot to do too” Hikari, Mimi and Sora replied, some frowns were visible.

“The hospital needs me, I’m sorry” Joe was honest as ever, deep down he wanted to do more for the group but he was the most busiest of the them right now.

“I could go, but” Takeru spoke “I have a book release to attend. After that, I can lend you a hand Ken.”

“The next mission is settled to the next week” Yamato was pouty “I will help giving support here. Could go investigating those cases in the meanwhile” then he glanced at Taichi.

“Sorry, I can’t go” and he answered “I had been a target, while I can still fight… Handling with the role as a Chosen Child and as the digimon’s Ambassador wouldn’t be good. I trust you two though. If you need help, I will do my best to send backup.”

“Taichi, our identities are a secret!” Yamato argued “You can’t simply ruin all of our efforts to keep our families safe!”

“I won’t, I prefer to call Ken’s unit to give him and Miyako support.”

Daichi was sleeping when someone had entered in his room. Luckily, Ulforce and Natsu were still spending the night at the old Daisuke’s office room so no one suspected about them.

A very quiet voice was what made Daichi wake up, seeing a blurred human holding a pink ball.

Wait.

“Daichi, please wake up and help” Kiyoko was the one he saw now that his vision went back to normal “This lil’ guy is needing some help!”

“Lil… W-wait, that’s a digimon!?”

“No, it’s a plush. Duh, of course he is!”

“What happened?!” he got up from the bed “Where did he come from!? Where did you find him!?”

“Uhh, long story short… He was running away from some baddie and de-evolved back to this form. Is it a… Poromon right?”

“Hm yes” he examined the borb-like baby “I think it is.”

“Why don’t you use that shining thing on your desk?”

“Shiny thing--” he looked back and realized he didn’t hide the D-TimeRune before going to sleep!! “Aa- Um, that thing!? It’s a phone! A normal phone!! Old phone I meant…!”

She smirked, “I know you’re hiding something from me dear brother. Because after getting your message, I phoned Mitsuki and he said you weren’t at his home. I also phoned your other friends and they said the same!”

He gasped.

“You can’t hide it from me, Daichi. I’m sly as a fox, faster like a cheetah and your sister.”

“A… Uh… Please, don’t tell anyone about this” Daichi sighed “I’ve got a digivice and a digimon partner.”

“YOU WHAT!?”

“Y-you’re going to wake mom up!!” he whispered to her “Please don’t tell mom or anyone else.”

“Fine fine!” Kiyoko muttered and pouted “Now please help me with this digimon, he seems hurt!”

Daichi grabbed the digivice and told Kiyoko to follow him to the room no one ever had opened since Daisuke’s disappearance. When they stood in front of the door, Daichi muttered:

“This is also a secret, don’t let anyone else know,” and he opened the door. They walked in and he closed the door, turned the lights on and made the sleepy digi-duo wake up.

“Aww, they’re cute!!” she was looking at them and almost squishing the hurt Poromon “What are they? Digimon too? That’s a Chibimon and… I never had heard of a pink bun!”

“Daichi isn’t your identity supposed to be a secret?” Natsu squinted her eyes but her expression changed to concern “Uh-oh, you have an injured digimon here! Let me heal it…!” and she switched forms in front of them, took the Poromon from Kiyoko’s hands and put it on the couch by Ulforce’s side. she send an energy from her hands to the bird-like digimon, healing him slowly.

“A secret?” Kiyoko glanced at Daichi “I thought you wouldn’t hide something from me…!”

“Natsu said to me to not tell anyone else, there’s some things you cannot know--”

“And there’s more!? And you can’t trust me!?”

“I think y’all should tell her” Ulforce interrupted the heated discussion. Both Daichi and Natsu looked at him “Sorry guys, the girl needs to know now that she’s aware of us here.”

“Fine, Daichi tell her I’m busy to give details. But you must keep quiet about it, Kiyoko.”

“I… I will, don’t worry!” the girl nodded “Not even mom and dad must know right…?”

“Especially them, or else they will lock me in the depths of the Digital World.”

“Ok…?” Kiyoko wasn’t able to understand that, but she promised to not tell anyone about whatever it was Daichi’s secret.

“... Mom and dad are legendary heroes” Daichi began “Remember of those stories about the Digital World’s warriors? They were real… And our dad is a brainwashed enemy right now.”

She stared at him for a while. Then she snorted and laughed but not too much loud.

“Seriously? Have you been talking with Junya lately? Our parents are heroes!? How funny!”

“Kiyoko I’m deadly serious here! They are, I just saw--”

“Wait, How can a digimon researcher and a worldwide famous chef be secret heroes? It makes no sense, big bro. You’re talking like Junya about the conspiracy theory of ambassador Yagami hiding the truth from everyone about the legends.”

“... He is right. But not for something evil, actually it’s about our safety.”

“Daichi, I don’t know what happened to you to jump from ‘our dad is dead’ to ‘our dad is alive, and our parents are part of the legendary Chosen Children’ but I know dad is on a business trip and our parents aren’t heroes.”

“He’s telling the truth” Natsu turned back and stared at Kiyoko “Daisuke, Miyako and Taichi are DigiChosen. Most of their friends are.”

“I… It’s strange knowing that our babysitter is a digimon but...”

“Kiyoko, my sweetie… I’ve been with your parents from a long time ago that I’m basically an honored digimon partner. Believe me, I tell no lies.”

“Why would dad be an enemy? He’s a good person!! Makes no sense!”

“He had been captured, but Daichi knows how to fix it… You have to stay here and not tell anyone about it--”

“Urk…” the Poromon woke up, his vision being pretty blurred but slowly coming back. His noise called the kids, Natsu and Ulforce’s attention though “I need to find the… C-Chosen Children.”

“Don’t talk, you’re badly injured!” Kiyoko said, worried with the poor bird “You’re safe, please rest.”

“Why is he looking for them?” Ulforce tilted his head.

“What happened to him, Kiyoko?” Daichi asked calmly.

“I don’t know, I was coming back from school and…”

  … It fell from the skies devolved in front of me.

“Hey little one, are you okay?!” I approached from, super duper concerned with him. I took from the ground and examined him for a few seconds. Then he talked to me:

“... Human kid-- W-watch out…!!” He said and then he shove me to the ground. A light hit this poor Poromon and he fell again on the floor.

“Ugh, h-hey why did you-- Huh!?” I looked behind me and saw a shadow. It was trying to catch the Poromon so I grabbed the bird orb from the floor and ran away.

  Daichi, Ulforce and Natsu looked at Kiyoko, then to each other. To Daichi, that sounded like the plot of one of the old games he and his father had played together.

“So, someone’s looking for him” the boy mused “And, probably is going after you now.”

“Yeah, I think so…”

“Do you think it chased her at home?” Ulforce looked around “I mean-- Not like I care of someone trying to invade your home...”

“The house is safe” Daichi said “There’s alarms and mx. Hawkmon lives here. He’s mom’s partner after all.”

“Uh… About that…” The three looked at Kiyoko “... Mom and mx. Hawk are not here, they went to an important meeting.”

“So we’re all alone!?” Ulforce babbled in panic, then he started to verify every corner of the room “Are we safe!?”

“Are you scared…?” Natsu smirked “Aren’t you the grand hero Ulforce?”

“Me!? Scared!?” the tiny-mon took the bait “I gonna show ya how great I am! Daichi kid, evolve me and I will protect everyone for the night!”

“Uh, no need to--” suddenly a noise was heard from outside. Kiyoko grabbed the Poromon and hid behind Natsu, while Daichi took the D-TimeRune to see if it was a digimon signal.

“Wha-what was that!?” the girl asked “It sounded like someone crashing the restaurant’s entrance door…!”

“Stay here” Daichi whispered, “Ulforce come with me.”

“F-fine…??” he nodded, then jumped to the boy’s arms. The duo left the room, leaving Natsu and Kiyoko to protect the injured Poromon.

“... Mom’s going to not like if they damage the restaurant” Kiyoko mused “Natsu, can you see if there’s someone inside?”

“I don’t feel anything from here, and Poromon is injured we can’t--”

Kiyoko left the room and Natsu sighed. No matter how much she worked to keep the siblings safe for the sake of their lives… Those two always find a way to get into trouble. Quite like their parents.

When the girls arrived at the restaurant floor, they saw Ulforce on child level already and chasing a shadow, with Daichi going after the blue digimon.

“It’s… It’s that one who was chasing me!!” Kiyoko shouted, Daichi glanced at her but turned back to the battle “P-please don’t damage the restaurant, dad wouldn’t like it…!!”

“I won’t!” He assured her “Ulforce, Kiyoko, Natsu, try to lure it to the outside!”

“Wait will you put YOUR SISTER in danger!?” Natsu babbled.

“She’s fine, she’s with us!”

“Yes, but do you forgot she’s a not a tamer!?”

“Oh screw that!” Kiyoko yelled “With or without a digimon, I’ve raised to fight! I’m made of fire!” then she ran towards the mysterious silhouette, with the Poromon in her hands “Hey, dummy dumbo thing! Come catch me, leave this place alone and come after me!” She left the restaurant by the main entrance, forcing the shadow to chase her.

“Good job, Kiyoko!” Daichi nodded, then looked at Ulforce and Natsu “Let’s go, we need to prevent that thing from hurting Kiyoko and the Poromon.”

“Ok” they nodded and with this the three left after the shadow.

[complexion-me]

Interview : Dr Will Kirby, Dermatologist

Dr Will Kirby is a board-certified dermatologist and the Chief Medical Officer for the nation's leading aesthetic dermatology group, LaserAway.

1) Who/what inspired you to become a dermatologist?

From a very early age I was attracted to science because, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a lifelong love affair with nature. But I was a late bloomer in the field of medicine and didn’t become a dermatologist until later in life. See, I wanted a career that allowed me to work with my hands as well as my brain and it took me a while for me to realize that specialization in dermatology would allow me to be both technical and cerebral. To wit, I’ve always incorporated artistry into everything I’ve ever done so I’m very fortunate that my life journey has led me to the field of aesthetic dermatology specifically. But there is a misconception that when someone is considered an expert in his or her field, their rise was preceded by a bolt of inspiration but that is just not always the case; While some passions are erupt spontaneously through an inspirational moment, others just evolve slowly and grow over time…and the latter was certainly true for me.

2) Laseraway is the biggest aesthetic dermatology group in the nation. Could you tell us what someone who visits a Laseraway clinic can expect?

You don’t became the nation’s leader in aesthetic dermatology by accident. We take a tremendous amount of pride in customer service and offer only the highest quality, cutting-edge technology. With 13 board certified dermatologists and more than 450 allied health care professionals, our medical acumen is unparalleled and when you add in a commitment to patient safety, you having the winning recipe for the highest level of patient satisfaction. To answer the question, from the time a patient enters a LaserAway clinic until the time they leave, they can expect the absolute best care in the aesthetic dermatology industry.

3) Tell us a bit about the selection process when you’re thinking about offering a particular procedure at your clinics?

It is important to note that aesthetic dermatology is a nuanced business and that with injectable aesthetic treatment and energy-based device procedure hyperbole is ubiquitous while quality, reproduceable results are rare. As such, our vetting process is detailed and thorough. That said, we leave no stone unturned meaning we try absolutely everything but LaserAway never offers fad treatments, trendy procedures, or jumps on the bandwagon. Any patient visiting us rests assured that they are getting gold-standard treatments from the best injectables and devices available.

4) Your skin looks amazing! Could you walk us through your skincare routine?

I detect no lies - my Skin does look amazing and I fully acknowledge that fact! LOL. But you, or anyone else reading this interview, can have amazing skin too! There isn’t some sort of special potion that I have that's unavailable to the population! I just use good quality products very, very consistently and I supplement them with energy-based device treatments at LaserAway!

So allow me to lay out my simple skincare routine:

In the evening I wash my face with a gentle wash and warm water. It really doesn’t matter what wash you choose and anyone who tell you differently is misleading you. Washes just simply don’t matter much as they aren’t in contact with your skin long.

After letting my face air dry or after drying it with a hair dryer on the cool setting I apply a pearl sized amount of My Hero. It's a retinol serum that increases surface cell turnover. See, human adult skin cell turn over takes, on average, one to two months to completely replenish itself and retinols speed this process up but I still remind everyone that you have to use retinol products for a minimum of eight weeks before you start seeing a result. If you are consistent then your skin will eventually look smoother, softer, and more supple with the use of a nightly retinol.

Each morning I gently cleanse my skin with either cleansing wipe or again with a wash.

I then apply a sun protection product with a minimum of an SPF 30 rating. If I’m going to the beach then I use an outdoor product  like a SunScreen Stick from SkinBetter but if I’m just going to work I use something like Alastin HydraTint. 

And now please allow me please loudly emphasize two points:

A) Most people use way too many products! So, If you haven’t used a product that you in own in the past six months them you should discard it! Only purchase products you need and love and don’t purchase every single thing you see!

B) You can spend a lot of money on good products or a small amount of money on good products! So, don’t think you have to break the bank to get the right products in your bathroom!

5) You’ve recently launched your very own line of skincare. What made you formulate your own range and how does it differ to what’s currently available in the market?

Like many dermatology practices, we used to curate products from a variety of different skincare companies and offer them for sale to our patients. But that was a source of extreme frustration for us because while we really, really liked many of the products, we simply didn't love any of them for our patient population. See, we listened to our patients: We recognized that they were our best advocates and that their number one priority when selecting products to purchase and take home was the ability to maintain their excellent in-clinic treatments results longer. As the leading aesthetic dermatology group we eventually acknowledged that we needed to carve out the time and money to create a skincare line that was formulated with the goal of complementing our in-clinic services. And thus, after many years of patient focus groups, skincare research and laborious testing, LaserAway Beauty was born!  So, to answer to more concisely answer your question, there are many, many great skincare products available in the market but laserAway Beauty Products the single best choice for patients already receiving energy-based device delivered aesthetic dermatology treatments… and that's the differentiator in this saturated skincare market!

6) What are some of the in-office treatments you get on a frequent basis?

I am the least hypocritical dermatologist you’ll ever meet! See, I practice what I preach and in the interest of full transparency, I get an IPL (intense puled light) treatment every six months and I typically get a Clear + Brilliant every two months and alternate with a Fire & Ice Laser Facial every two months as well.

7) What kind of patients do you turn away, if any?

The bane of any aesthetic dermatology practice is the patient with unrealistic expectations. Any reasonable person recognizes improving skin fitness it takes time, energy, emotion, and a commitment. But we live in a society of instant gratification and the truth is that some patients aren’t going to be satisfied because they want impossible results. When we realize someone isn’t going to be a good fit we provide them with appropriate education and polity, but quickly, turn them away.

8) In regards to the future of dermatology, what are you most excited about?

If you ask me to predict the future, I’ll politely ask you to review the past. See, the word ‘doctor’ is derived from the Latin word ‘docēre’ which means “to teach”. So, while I am a board certified dermatologist, I’m more importantly a teacher and my job is to educate. Mentoring is a time-honoured tradition that many in the field of aesthetic dermatology seem to have forgotten but I strongly suspect that the future of dermatology will see a return to the placing a premium on education and that's why I train not only dermatology residents, but registered nurses, physicians assistants, and nurse practitioners. To get more granular, I’m of course predicting that our field will continue to evolve from a technical standpoint but I also strongly believe that we’ll also see a return to mentorship so future clinicians will have a well-balanced, more individualized aesthetic educational foundation upon which they can grow personally and professionally.

9) For someone who’s on a budget, what are your tips for great skin?

If you were trying to improve your athletic fitness level, you wouldn't start off by buying the most expensive athletic shoes, immediately running a marathon, and then expect to wake up the day after with the perfect body. Well, the same analogy applies to skin fitness. See, improving your skin or maintaining already great skin doesn't have to be expensive but it does take a commitment and patience. I always implement a hierarchal approach utilizing the least expensive and most effective options coupled with education and encouragement. We know that UV exposure is awful for your skin so start by immediately committing to strict  sun avoidance on the face via a wide-brimmed hat, sun glasses, and a daily SPF product. At night simply start using a retinol product. It really is that simple. Start with those two easy, inexpensive concepts and then slowly educate yourself and expand to more exotic offerings from there!

10) Can you leave us with some words of wisdom? What else should we know?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t bow down to my teammates. While our clinicians are the best in the business, our legal, human resources, service/tech, marketing, patient outreach, sales, and executive teams all kick ass too. LaserAway makes this look real, real easy but our company is the amalgamation of the best individuals in the dermatology industry and you will not find a group of more intelligent, ethical, hardworking, dynamic individuals. Life is too short to work with people you don’t love and I’m of the strong opinion that the main reason that LaserAway is supremely successful is because of our corporate culture! I jump out of bed every morning excited to see what Team LaserAway will accomplish!

Credits

https://www.laseraway.com/

https://www.instagram.com/LaserAway

https://www.instagram.com/drwillkirby1

https://twitter.com/DrWillKirby

[alittledizzy]

she had you for a while rating: G word count: 2k summary: Dan's mum shows up at the flat while Dan is out. [read on ao3]

It's Wednesday afternoon sliding nicely into evening, and Phil's trying to formulate a plan to talk Dan into ordering takeaway tonight.

You deserve a treat, Phil always tells him on Wednesday evenings, and Dan always says he stopped needing to be bribed into going to therapy two years ago and that Phil's agenda is as transparent as his lies are bad.

But Phil spends Wednesay afternoons in the flat alone and then they order a takeaway anyway, because Dan won't really turn down a curry or a pizza even under the flimsiest of excuses.

*

When he hears the buzzer, he jumps. He always jumps, and Dan always laughs, but since Dan's not here Phil just laughs at himself.

He's not expecting anyone. Must be the post, he thinks, and takes the steps down two at a time because getting something in the post has never stopped being exciting for him.

The last person he's expecting to find at the door is Dan's mum.

"Oh-" He says, before his brain catches up with him. "Hi!"

"Phil!" She looks surprised and slightly uncomfortable, almost like he's the one that's surprised her by answering his own door, before smoothing her expression something more socially acceptable as he opens the door to let her in.

*

"I don't know why I stopped by," she admits, standing in their lounge. "I had a meeting a couple streets over and I thought, it's so odd, to be so close to Dan and not - well. I should have texted him first, I suppose."

As she speaks, he watches her and he's overcome by how much like Dan she carries herself. She can't quite stand still, fidgeting and looking around, foot bouncing. Just like Dan, it's as though there's too much energy in her for her body to quite contain.

"He'll be back in half an hour," Phil says. "We were going to order a takeaway, if you want to stay for dinner? I can make us a drink for now."

He's not sure where the impulse comes from. He doesn't even know if Dan will be mad at him for it. Dan's mood toward his mum is more fond as of late but still prone to fits of resentment and apathy.

She looks genuinely surprised by the offer. "I - I don't know about dinner, but a drink would be lovely. I'll just stay long enough to say hi to him."

He thinks there must be something else, for her to wait. But it's not his business so he doesn't pry.

*

She seems more grounded with a drink in her hand, something to focus her attention on. "Has Dan told you," she asks, amusement tucked into her words. "About doing shots in Sri Lanka?"

Phil laughs. "He rang me that night when you were done, though I don't know if he remembers it or not. I hadn't heard him that drunk in years."

"It was lovely," she says, sounding wistful.

"He had a lot of fun," Phil offers. "He enjoyed that whole trip."

"I thought so. Hoped, at least. It was the first time he'd not put up a fuss about going on a family trip in ages."

Phil remembers that, too. He remembers all those times Dan would whine and complain and accuse his parents and grandmother alike of guilting him, of emotional manipulation. It's not something Phil can relate to; his mum has never had to guilt him into any sort of travel. But he long ago stopped trying to think of Dan's relationship with his parents by relating it to Phil's own life experiences.

"You know, we've got-" Phil stands up abruptly and walks over to a cabinet, one of the ones that seamlessly blend in. "We don't keep a lot of things out, because we film in here sometimes and it's just easier, but."

He turns and shows her the prize in his grasp, a framed photo of Dan and his family from that trip. He watches her face as she walks over to it and picks it up, the way she smiles a small smile before she puts it back down. "That's nice," she says, an understatement from the way her voice breaks a bit. "He's doing well, isn't he? Better than before?"

Phil's not sure what before means, exactly, but he still says, "He is," because Dan's doing better now than he has all his other befores. "It's still... he has bad days, sometimes. But he's happy, I think. We've been busy lately."

"I bet you boys have," she says, walking back to her drink and sitting down. She sits like Dan often sits, one long leg tucked underneath her while the other foot taps restlessly against the ground. "Is there anywhere particular you're excited to see?"

It's an easy question, so Phil starts talking and the conversation flows in a back and forth about cities and tourist attractions and all the best food.

*

"You'll come to the London show, won't you?" Phil asks. He's checked the time on his phone already. Dan will be home soon, any minute now.

He finds himself already disappointed. It struck him somewhere between Boston pizza and how she'd like to go to Florida one day that he's not sure he's ever just sat and had a chat with Dan's mum like they were both proper adults. He's talked to her plenty, for that whole year of regular visits to Dan and trips back home with him but he always felt like a kid in her home, because Dan always felt like a kid in her home and Phil's comfort was only an extension of Dan's own. He's seen her in more recent years only at events and public spaces, or with Dan as an intermediary.

It's nice. It's downright pleasant, actually, to have someone to talk with besides his own family that he doesn't have to hide a thing from. It's even better when it's someone who knows Dan just as well as he does, though maybe in a slightly different way.

"Of course," she says. "It'll be lovely to get to catch up with your mum again. We really should all do something together at some point."

It's the sort of thing Phil hears from his own mum, and Dan always dismisses it as politely as he can. Phil asked him once why, and he said his mum wasn't the sort for big family get-togethers.

He wonders if Dan's wrong, or if she's only being polite now, or if maybe it's a bit of miscommunication all around. Either way, it's not his mystery to untangle. He and Dan might share a home, a life, and sometimes a mind - but there are still boundaries he's afraid of the consequences of crossing. He's got a feeling he's nudging up against one right now, so he'll be careful not to go too far over the line.

"My mum would love that," Phil says, because it's the truth and it feels safe to agree without pinning it down to specifics. "I'm sure we'll do another dinner after the show for everyone."

"Maybe I'll come into London a bit early," she says. She sounds almost like she's asking if she should. "Take him out to a meal, just the two of us, to celebrate. He's done so well for himself."

"I'm sure he'd like that," Phil says, because again it's question he can't rightly answer for Dan, but he still wants to offer encouragement. Whatever made her show up at their flat must be something heavy on her mind. "He'll be home soon. Are you sure you won't stay?"

"No, I should really get a train back before it's too late." She looks out the window to where the clouds look heavy outside.

*

There’s a moment where quiet creeps up on both of them.

She’s still looking out the window, and he’s looking at her. It’s not obtrusive, he hopes; he just feels suddenly like she’s a person he’s never really seen before. She’s younger than his own mum by a fair few years, but there are still lines around her eyes and lines around her mouth. Dan and his mum smile the same smile and laugh the same laugh. The lines she has, Phil thinks, are the same ones Dan will have one day.

They’re lovely, really, and Phil finds himself excited to see them as they creep forward into the future.

*

"We're not ordering takeaway and if we do, I want pizza," Dan shouts, clomping up the stairs into the lounge with heavy steps and a total lack of grace. He stops comically still at the top of them. "Mum. Did someone die?"

Dan's mum only laughs. "Just my hope for future generations. Now give me a fucking hug, why don't you?"

"I never had that to begin with," Dan says. He goes to hug her, shooting Phil a bewildered look over his shoulder. Phil just shrugs. "You're sure Nana's okay?"

Phil almost want to smile at how Dan's childhood name for his grandmother still slips out now and then when he's talking to his mum.

"Your Nana's fine. Wants you to come home for a visit," she says.

"Oh, she must be fine, then." Dan pulls back. There's dewy moisture in his hair.

"Is it raining?" Phil asks, suddenly.

Dan looks over at him. "Misting."

"I think I'll go and pick up our pizza, then? Give you and your mum a bit of time to chat." Phil stands.

"Are you staying?" Dan asks his mum, sounding slightly alarmed.

She laughs. "No, I'm not. Got to get home before the dog has himself a fit, he's been home alone since this morning. But I can stay a bit longer and keep you company til Phil gets back."

Dan shoots Phil another look. He's nothing close to subtle, but Phil's feeling precariously on the side of Dan's mum at the moment. He drops a kiss on Dan's cheek and pats his arm. "I'll be back soon."

*

She's gone already by the time Phil comes back in. He’s slightly soggy but the rain’s gone, making for a lovely sort of sunset.

"That was weird," Dan says, taking the pizza off Phil. "Wasn't that weird? She didn't even stay ten minutes after you left. Said she just wanted to see me, and she had to get home for the dog."

Phil laughs. "I dunno. I thought it was nice. I like your mum. And I think she did just want to see you. You should have dinner with her next time she's in London."

"Weirdo," Dan says. "She likes you, too. Kept telling me how nice a host you are, and how tasty your Palomas are.”

“My Palomas are delicious,” Phil says. He notices how Dan’s ignored the dinner comment. “All the mums agree. They love the Philly Palomuss-”

“Don’t,” Dan says, firmly.

Phil sticks his tongue out. He’s not allowed to have any fun. “I did use the last of the grapefruit juice, though. Should we add it to the shopping list?”

“Probably,” Dan says. He’s busy putting pizza slices onto plates so they can pretend to eat like civilized adults. “Anyway, my point was, did you lure my mum here and get her drunk?"

"No, but that's a goal for next time. I'm sure she'd tell me all sorts of embarrassing stories about little baby Dan if she were drunk," Phil says, pulling glasses out of the cabinet for Ribena to go with their meal. "Will you have dinner with her?"

Dan gives him a look that's bordering on genuine irritation. He can only push so far, Phil reminds himself. But then Dan glances over at her abandoned cocktail on the table and his eyes linger on it. "Yeah, I might."

Phil smiles to himself and pours their drinks.

[thechocobros]

“SEE LUNA SAFE TO ALTISSIA” - part 10

Pair: Nyx Ulric / Lunafreya Nox Fleuret

Words: 8358

Plot: Luna and Nyx didn’t fell in the Empire’s trap, Nyx didn’t had to use the ring and he survived. What would have happened if Nyx really had the chance to ‘see Luna safe to Altissia’, like he promised to Regis? Here the part 10: Nyx discovered Luna’s secret and now they both have to deal with their confusing feelings and the destiny the Gods prepared for the world.

Personal Comment: This is a long chapter, but now that things started to get complicated, I needed more space. From now on, I will really start to get canon divergent, because at this point of the canon the plot didn’t make a lot of sense anyway, so i had to change a bit. Also, I really enjoyed to introduce Ravus and his funny-possible relationship with Nyx. I kinda think… they would get really along in the end. They both have a serious sis-com, afterall xD Thanks as always to my dear @loveiscosmicsin !! 

“What… What does all this mean?” 

 The only answer Nyx received was the Fleuret siblings’ resigned silence. For a long minute also the breeze which delicately moved the sylleblossom seemed to stop. The betrayed expression on the Glaive’s face directly matched the numbed one on Luna’s. Invasive panic rose from her stomach and sheer terror was the only force that held her tears at bay. She didn’t want him to know about her secret, especially in this fashion. Nyx waited on bated breath for one of them to speak. A forced laugh escaped him. When he spoke again, his voice was broken by a raising anger. “I asked you a question. This is the part where you give me an answer.” 

 Being interrupted by an uninvited spectator annoyed Ravus, who was already upset by the precedent discussion. 

 "This is a private conversation between my sister and I. Your eyes, ears, and mouth are not welcomed.” Nyx just ignored him and a took a step forward, studying Luna. Ravus’ prosthetic hand tightened into a fist. “I will not repeat myself,” he said through clenched teeth. “Leave now.” 

 Lunafreya tried to intervene but she inhaled and exhaled to calm her racing heart before she could whisper, “Ravus, wait…” At that point, Luna’s pleas went ignored and Ravus preemptively shoved the Glaive backwards. Nyx reacted pushing the hand away, forced to confront the elder Fleuret head on. That was exactly what Luna wanted to avoid the day before and now that she was facing what she legitimately considered one of her worst nightmares, she wasn’t prepared at all. Even if she knew how coward it would be, she just wished to disappear, stupidly hoping that things would fix by themselves. Of course, it was not possible. On the contrary, she realized immediately that it was a moment of truth and that in the next 15 minutes the successive discussion would have decide if Nyx’s loyalty would have been with her or not. The possible outcome scared and paralyzed her. In the end, her worst fear, ‘doing nothing and losing everything’ was exactly coming true before her eyes.

“Please don’t…” she begged, but her voice broke and she couldn’t finish the sentence. That was not a good beginning for someone who wanted to take responsibilities for her behavior. 

 On Luna’s contrary, Ravus knew exactly how to react at Nyx’s intrusion. His voice wasn’t shaking at all, it was sharp as steel when he asked: “Who are you anyway to come here with my sister, bearing the Ring of the Lucii and flaunting authority you do not wield?” 

“Out of my way, Prince of Nothing. Gotta speak with the fairy maiden over there, not with you.” 

 Ravus unshealthed his rapier, outraged and unstoppable, and unleashed it at impressive velocity upon the Glaive’s head. Trained by years of military education, Nyx was somehow ready to react and moved away but a scream paralyzed him on the place. Suddenly, a transparent shield protected him from the hit, deflecting Ravus’ swordwith no effort on the Glaive’s part. The shield immediately disappeared but its existence couldn’t be denied. Ravus stared past Nyx with wide eyes and mouth agape with incredulity and Nyx followed the Commander’s gaze to find Luna breathing heavily, arm outstretched and brow furrowed. She gained their undivided attention to make her demand once more. 

 “Now… Stop. Please.” 

 “Lunafreya, why is he–” the High Commander asked but his sister quickly answered with her strong, unfaltering stance: 

“He has the Ring because he can be trusted.” Nyx opened his mouth, fed up with the deception and this weary game of half-truths and outright lies to let his anger subside. 

“Oh, you trust me now? Really? How much did you trust me? Because it obviously wasn’t enough for you to tell me that you’re dying.” He pulled away Ravus and stood a little straighter, anger finally winning over any other feeling. He just couldn’t think clearly, the words he just eavesdropped kept running in his head like a tornado destroying a small hovel. All he saw was red, fury clouding his usual good sense. If he would calm down, he would have feel his heart break in thousand of pieces but no, it was too early for that now, pain would have come later. Now he didn’t want to feel that. Now he only wanted to let his wrath explode, maybe hoping that this would have changed something. “Is it the healing thing, right? Healing people sucks your energy away, exactly like I said! You lied to me!” 

 Luna shook her head vigorously. Convincing him to stay by her side would have been more difficult than she thought. 

“No! No, I didn’t lie to you about that! Healing people tires me but it doesn’t kill me, it’s something else, it’s–”

“Oh, great, you didn’t lie me on THAT at least! So what’s the truth?” Luna closed her eyes, she understood in that very moment that he wasn’t ready to accept any justification now. Trying to explain herself wasn’t probably a good choice in the first place. On the other hand, the one who saw a good opportunity to intervene and probably win the discussion was Ravus. 

“In awakening the Six Astrals of our world,” he explained, voice still harshas finding it beneath him to explain to a commoner, “the Oracle must sacrifice herself in exchange for the forged pacts.” 

 Nyx was surprised to hear that explanation from the man who attacked him not long ago, but didn’t take his eyes off the princess. 

"This means…” he started again with a renewed anger. “That you asked me… to escort you, no, to accompany you to slowly getting yourself killed when you perfectly knew the purpose of MY mission. King Regis entrusted me with your safety, with your personal happiness, and you literally asked me to run your suicide mission? Did you even plan to tell me this sooner or later? Maybe on your death bed?” He exaggeratedly mocked every conversation they had over this. He got plenty of rage to give away. Lunafreya just stood there, hands covering her mouth and her nose, trembling. “The king knew about this, didn’t he? Throwing your life away like it’s nothing?” 

“Would that had changed something?” She finally asked, voice suffocated by her own hands. “You can’t change my destiny because it’s already written in the stars. You can’t stop me now.” 

“Yeah, but maybe I wouldn’t have kissed you either!” He screamed back, moving a arm like he wanted to slap someone right on the face. 

 “You did what?” Ravus blinked at them both, for the first time touched by a surprised expression that didn’t suit him. 

 “This changes everything.” Nyx continued, ignoring the man, not having time for the protective brother act interrupting what needed to be said. “I never asked for you to spend your life with me or anything, but I encouraged you to live your life because I thought you had one in the first place. I thought you had a future and I implicitly considered my duty as a guardian to guarantee it to you!” 

 “You knew I was hiding something but you claimed to accept whatever it was…” 

 “I didn’t expect this and I’m really fed up with it for Stars’ sake!” He screamed again. He swallowed hard and took a couple steps away from the siblings. He pointed at the ground with one finger and started to talk with a deeper voice, yet still sharp. “Let me see if I got it right. The duty you always claimed to take care of is actually a human sacrifice that the Six are demanding in order to givetheir blessing to Prince Noctis, the only one who can banish the darkness from Eos and also the only person you worry about. But you didn’t tell the poor boy that he’s gonna die, too? How is it possible? Do the Gods ask for his life the same way they ask for yours?” Luna couldn’t answer again, she was too occupied with hearing her own heartbeat dropping down, waddling in the despair she’s created. She couldn’t even remember the last time she felt so numb and desperate, maybe when she lost her mother or when Gentiana revealed her true destiny. Thinking about it now, she realized that even if she always symbolized hope and inspiration for all the people of Eos, her life was constantly marked by terrible episodes of utter lack of hope, like now. For some reasons, Nyx was the only one left at her side from the first time they met, but now she was losing him. 

 In the meantime, since he wasn’t getting an answer from the princess, Nyx turned to Ravus, who was still scandalized by the idea of a stranger - possibly an immigrant from Galahd judging by the hairstyle and tattoos - kissing his sister but that somehow managed to formulate an answer for his previous question. 

 "The Gods ask for the Oracle’s life. The Ancestorsof Lucis and the Ring ask for the King’s for a higher purpose.” That information hit Nyx like a truck. Suddenly he realized - or better remembered - that there was more at stake than his forbidden newborn feelings for the pretty Princess. He felt betrayed twice for not knowing in advance what would have happened to the only two Guides left on Eos, first as a Kingsglaive member and second as a Crown citizen. He closed his fists and glanced at Luna again. 

 “So I didn’t deserve to know this either?” he murmured, still angry but this time also sad. “Me and Libertus - if he’s still alive - are the last members of the Kingsglaive and we swore our loyalty to the Crown, to the King himself, we have always been ready to die for him. And now I discover that the King I served for all these years sold Lucian sons to save his own only in order to force him to die a bit later because of a stupid Ring? I don’t want this. I want the young Prince to be King, to reclaim his throne and actually rule, bringing the peace we all wished for. Or you just assumed that because I am an immigrant with no land I don’t care for that boy? That I could not be loyal to him as a king as I was to Regis? I have my code of honor, Princess, Prince Noctis has my loyalty.” 

 Luna opened her mouth to speak, words coming out shattered and broken. 

 "I trust him to understand his role–” 

 “He’s still just a kid!” Nyx screamed, shocked. “Even if he’s ready to die, no, it should never come to that! We all need him. He must go on living and rebuild this world because this is the future Iwanted for Selena, for my family, for my Crowe,and for all the people of Eos! The same future I thought you wanted to grant, too!”  Nyx looked for the chain on his neck, yanking it off. He was disgusted by its heavy burden, understanding that it was nothing but an instrument of death. He would have not bear it anymore, he wouldn’t have participate in this nonsense theater play. “When you entrusted me with this, I thought we stepped up to the next level of trust. I thought you considered me your ally. But now I realize that I was just another ignorant pawn you used to get to Point A to B.” 

 He threw the Ring at her feet, putting so much energy in the action that he made it sink in the loamy soil. Luna immediately fell down to her knees, collecting the Ring with the reverential attentiveness. King Regis placed it in her care to give it to Noctis. She was desperate not to lose it now. 

“Congratulations, Your Highness. You somehow managed to betray me, the people of Eos, Prince Noctis, and even yourself, all at once.” 

 The tears finally rolled down Luna’s cheeks, transforming her gracious and composed face in a state of helplessness. 

 “Nyx, please, don’t…” 

 “Now I understand why you didn’t want me to come to Tenebrae with you. I shouldn’t have insisted on coming along. I’ll fix it now. Goodbye, Princess.” And saying so, he imperceptibly turned his back on her. Luna lifted up her chin, tears reaching her lips, burning red cheeks, the Ring pressed to her breast. 

“No, no, Nyx!” But Nyx didn’t want to look at her. Her tears always had a profound effect on him, but he wasn’t in the mood to be deterred from leaving. Walking away wasn’t simple as he thought, not even in his outburst of anger. On the contrary, it hurt like hell, demonstrating through every painful step just how undeniably attached he was to her. “Nyx, please, I need you!” That made him stop. In the middle of the raising dawn, illuminated by the torpid light, Nyx Ulric listened to those words with a dawned realization painted on his face. Only thirty minutes before, he would have make everything to hear Luna saying that to him, but now it felt like a knife in his back. 

He slightly turned around, just what was necessary to show his profile while he answered: “Put down the queenly mask, Princess. You can stop lying now.”

 And this time he really walked away, leaving her in the field of a thousand sylleblossom flowers, desperately crying, with her brother silently watching over her. 

 ————– 

 Ravus waited for what seemed like an eternity before daring to get close to his sister again. When he was sure that Luna cried all her tears already, he kneeled at her side and gently put a lock of hair beyond her ear. The young woman just lifted the chin to look at him. Watching her from such a close distance, Ravus noticed he didn’t see her like this in years, not even when she dared to challenge some soldiers of the imperial army and got beaten afterwards. Now her cheeks were flushed, not a vision to the strong and determined girl he had watched over all those years ago. 

 “What happened between the two of you?” he asked then, not sure of how to understand things. Luna sighed, grabbing his collar and trying to calm down. 

 “I thought, I hoped… he wouldn’t abandon me. Am I alone in all this now, am I not?” she asked. 

The worst feeling was to unconsciously rely on someone so much that when you find yourself alone you can barely remember how to stand on your own feet again. And Luna definitely didn’t expect to break down like that because of her bodyguard. She thought that her heart would have accepted what her brain already knew, that Nyx would have reacted exactly like he did in the end and walk away. That’s why she didn’t want to give in on him, that’s why she said she would have be better off alone once she was in Tenebrae. Being so desperate was pure nonsense. She shouldn’t have allow to herself to get attached to him so much in the first place. She wasn’t supposed to let him destroy her by simply walking away.

 Ravus studied the expression on her face then looked toward the direction where Nyx departed. 

 “Yes.” He answered, a gentle voice haven’t been uttered in years. 

A lot was left unsaid with those three letters only. Ravus wished he could assure her that, in spite of his disapproval, such a reaction was a normal consequence of a deep care, maybe also an unconditional love – because who would have ever accept to let a beloved one to sacrifice her life nonsensically – but he couldn’t. Words could not express his real thoughts and that’s why he decided to stay still this time. No more arguing would have persuaded his sister to stop her suicide mission, especially not now. He simply put an arm around her shoulders and the other under her legs, lifting her up to support her in the deepest weakness. She accepted his help with an heartfelt gratitude, hugging his neck like he was her last anchor. 

 ————————— 

 Nyx didn’t know what or where he should go back to now. 

 He left the sylleblossom field and entered in the palace again but once he arrived in the hall, he stopped. While the thick silence deafened him, he found himself wondering where to go now that he pompously renounced his commitment to the mission. That castle wasn’t his home, it was hers. Galahd had been destroyed years before and Insomnia fell in the same way only weeks ago. When that happened, he was able to amortize the sense of loss only because he was concentrated on protecting the princess and that gave a purpose to his life. But giving up on his bodyguard role now threw him back to deep reevaluation. What could he possibly do now? 

 He sighed, pulling at his hair and his face. I screwed up, I screwed up everything so much, was the only thought echoed through his head. How could he abandon her, he couldn’t tell. Every single fiber in his body was aching at the memory, refusing the idea he was actually able to go so far. He didn’t want to. For the gods’ sake, he personally cared for that girl more than he ever imagined was possible. At the same time, fury coursed through his veins, remembering the betrayal she caused innot sharing the truth of her mission. But it was not only about the lie itself or the lack of trust she displayed, Nyx simply didn’t want to let her die. He didn’t want to lose her. And probably that was the reason why he got so upset in the first place. He stood there in the center of the hall for a couple of minutes, trying to regulate his conceded breath and to calm down. The train of his thoughts was so clustered he only got numb. 

 All of a sudden, a delicate swish reached his military-trained ear and he quickly turned to check who was there. 

Gentiana stepped out of the shadows, walking elegantly on her high heels, floating seemlessly. Her eyes were closed as always. As she got closer, Nyx remembered that Luna once told him she was one of the Six, and knowing now about the sacrifice the Gods were demanding of the Oracle changed completely his attitude towards her. 

 “You…” he started, balling up his fist and hissing through clenched teeth. “How could you…?” 

 Gentiana continued her gracious walk until she reached his side when she stopped and inclined her head. She waited, understanding that the Glaive wanted to say more, as he did. “You were supposed to help her. Isn’t that what gods do? To bless the people who called for them? When did you turned in monsters demanding for human sacrifices in order to give their blessings?”

Even if Nyx tried not to scream, his anger surfaced from the core of his feelings, reaching the grimace on his face and setting his eyes on fire. On the contrary, Gentiana seemed barely touched by his accusation. 

 “The blessings the deities are asked to give are not a concession, but an exchange. The sacrifice of one for the sake of all is the most benevolent price we require.” 

 “One? You mean two.” 

 “The king’s sacrifice is of another condition, demanded by the Old Kings to grant a power beyond the lesser mortals and their reach. Only the combination of the two can defeat the great darkness once for all and restore hope to the world.” 

 “How exactly?” 

 "Inside the crystal, Bahamut has been trapped. Being this the only temporary way to stop Ifrit, the traitorous Lord of Fire. When the True King receives the Ring by the Oracle’s hand, he shall liberate them both, so the Traitor will finally be defeated once for all, together with the Usurper, the incarnation of darkness." 

 "Sure and he’ll die immediately afterwards with the Oracle who wore herself out just to wake up the gods. I don’t want a future based on their sacrifices. There’s been enough deaths. I don’t want it. Nobody wants it.” 

 “Mankind are curious creatures. If they wouldn’t accept blood to be spilled in order to keep their lifeas you claim, you honor them with a virtue they don’t have.” 

 “Sorry, lady. I’m just not built that way.” 

Gentiana looked at him, for the first time truly looked at him. 

 “Yes, I can sense it.” She admitted, with that ethereal voice capable of making bones tremble. 

"You are of a different kind. You are made of the same components of the Oracle and the King of Kings. Most interesting, indeed, when no royal blood course through your veins.” 

 Those words puzzled Nyx, and made him stop and frown. He knew she used to talk in riddles but he wasn’t one to have the patience for it. He was more of a man of action. 

 “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 “Not even the gods should underestimate the courage empowering you. However, I shall speak my warning: no matter how profoundly the wolf aligns himself after the moon, he will never understand her movements in the sky and… he must not reach her there, for that is not his place to be.” Nyx grimaced even more. 

“Enough of the cryptic gimmicks, I’m not in the mood. Lunafreya’s dying because of you and—” Gentiana was gone in a blink of an eye. That pissed him off. “Great. Just great. I’m sick of everyone acting like they’re interested in me!” 

He screamed to the void of the hall, his voice echoing back. He waited an instant, eyes on fire, gnashed his teeth in frustration. Then he kicked the air, sighed and turned around, storming off.

 ————————- 

 Luna lost consciousness after Ravus picked her up. It was in the middle of the afternoon when she woke up in her own bed. Her brother wasn’t in the room, but Pryna was. The canine with white and brown patches sweetly looking at her to check out if she was better. The low sound of her whimper filled the air. 

The first thing Luna did was to check the Ring of the Lucii she still held tightly in her possession. It made its impression on her palm under the pressure. It was dense and wicked, exactly as she remembered, and that somehow brought to her mind to other memories. The image of Nyx saying goodbye was the most hurtful one though, capable of turning every wall or resistance she took years to built to ash. She closed her eyes again. Thank the Stars the tears didn’t come again. In fact, she felt so dry and powerless, like all the blood had been sucked out of her veins. She really needed a glass of water. 

 She stood up and went to the toilet, stopping in front of the mirror to check out how sickly her appearance turned. Her lips were chapped, her eyes were red, dark circles under her dried eyelids. She decided to take a shower, but seeing her own naked body under the hot water only made her feel worse. The illness that marked her for death was slowing covering more and more space on her skin, starting from her stomach and down to her thighs now, tracing a sort of spiral who would have looked like a tattoo if it wasn’t for the iridescent color of it. Somehow, after the conversation of that morning, the signs which unveils her ultimate price were even more heavy to bear. For this reason probably, the shower didn’t last long. Luna quickly stepped out and covered herself with a white towel and then dressed up again. 

 When she returned to her bedroom, arranging the braids of her hair in the right place, she found Gentiana near the perfectly huge, clean windows. She was actually regarding the mannequin with the wedding dress on it with placated reverence. Luna approached, knowing her visit wasn’t casual. 

“Blessed be, Gentiana.” Luna bowed, speaking the holy expression. Oddly enough, Gentiana’s attention remained on the dress.

 “Your faith falters in the time of imperative action.” 

 “It’s not.” The Oracle rushed to answer, but she was not entirely honest and the woman seemed to know that already. 

 “Tasting the sweet, fleeting flavor of life always tempted the mortals. It usually doesn’t bring tragic consequences for the ones who decide to enjoy it forever but in your case, concession to the allure of it may force you to reconsider the purpose you were born for. A grave consequence, indeed. A critical point approaches and there would be no return if this sentiment does not change.”

 For a moment, Luna frowned thinking of what Nyx would have thought hearing that admonishment: that her death was the tragic consequence, not her desire of enjoying life and love. She had to repeat herself that the future of all was more important that her personal life. Recognizing it costed her a lot more effort than usual. 

 "It was just a kiss. Or two.” Her answer was shy, it came out in a whisper. Admitting her guilt in front of the deity who always had been the closest to her was not only embarrassing, but also mortifying. Gentiana finally opened her eyes and turned to glance openly at her, like she usually never did. 

 “Overcame many obstacles, yet this is one that causes you to crumble. It unravels you like a banner.” 

 "I don’t crumble. I acknowledge my duty.” 

 “And yet, you start to question it now. It was heartwarming to see the future King and the Oracle enjoy familiarity because no one could understand better than the person who shares the same destiny. You were having that. Being guarded by the courageous Glaive was not supposed to stand in your way.” For the first time in her all life, Gentiana dared to talk so clearly, like she not even was a divinity anymore. Her voice sounded a bit too frank, but at the same time brought to light what happened until now only in Luna’s mind. For the young Oracle, it felt like being undressed of all her defenses in a public square. 

 “I still care for Noctis and for the sake of the world and all life. More than anything else. It’s my destiny and it’s also my choice. Come what may, I will never stop acting in the name of all this.” 

 “Then where does the origin of your doubts lie?” 

 “I don’t have doubts.” 

 “Lies are not considered lighthearted jests for my kind, Lady Lunafreya.” Luna entwined her fingers, holding so tight to herself that she almost crushed her own bones. That conversation was getting more and more uncomfortable. “I sense your reluctance. If you do not doubt your call, you are doubting how you are to fulfill it.” 

 The memory of the first kiss she ever had with Nyx popped indecently on her mind, with no reason nor invitation. Immediately after, followed the memory of the way he kept her closer on the pirate ship, and again the moment when he zipped up her dress, delicately caressing her spine, procuring her so much pleasure, it was naughty. 

 “No!” she screamed, lying to herself. Her cheeks were burning red and tears welled in her eyes, clouding her vision. The flavor of life, as Gentiana called it, only Nyx and nobody else procured to her - had already come to an end. Between her and the Glaive there has been something undefined and short but now he left anyway, he said goodbye, he renounced to his bodyguard duty. Changing the aim that always motivated her since she was twelve years old didn’t make sense at all now that he wasn’t there anymore to remind her that the life was hers to choose. “I will do whatever I have to. I would not stop my journey. I will awake the Goddess of the Sea, I will find Bahamut, I will face it all. Noctis remains being my only concern, and our only hope.” 

 Gentiana’s face softened a bit, maybe understanding her struggle more than she could imagine. 

 “It is a relief to hear these words. You of all people must know the lack of alternative choices. The pilgrimage you started is the only path which will lead you to a world full of light. King Regis was convinced of this and I’m glad to see you are too.” 

 Another memory dawned on Luna’s mind, hitting her worse than the previous one. It was Regis, painful expression, hand stretched towards her, whispering his last wish: ‘I know your mother would wish the same as me. That you and Noctis live happily.’ 

 Live happily. 

 Happily. 

 Was death really the happiest ending he wished for them? 

 “Yes. King Regis was a kind man. I wish I could stand by his side during the darkest moments of his life and since I could not, I will do my best in the present for Noctis.” 

 “You will the king’s guidance and Regis would have only wished this for you two.” Again, something didn’t sound right in that sentence. Like Gentiana was lying, like what she just spoke wasn’t the truth. ’…That you and Noctis live happily.’ Why was that echoing in her mind like that only now? 

 “At first, the father had mourned the fate of his chosen son.” Gentiana continued, delicately leaving her spot and positioning herself next to the windows. “Yet in Tenebrae, the two found solace. It was not the Oracle who assuaged their fears. But the girl. She holds the true power.” 

 Considering the talk they just had, those praises were so out of the blue, that Luna started to sense where Gentiana wanted to head the conversation. Even if her words could theoretically alleviate the stress on Luna’s shoulders, the young Oracle felt instead for the first time in her life like a heavy burden was placed on them. Or worse: she felt like the Glacian herself was trying to manipulate her to achieve some vague purpose. 

 “I have little to offer a king, other than the voice afforded the Oracle,” she said anyway, like she, too, played an acting role. “Nevertheless… and I’m afraid he might find this foolish, but to be together with Noctis again, even if only for a short while… would mean the world to me.” In this she was speaking the truth especially now that she felt so alone again - like she was for years during her young age - Lunafreya only wished to have back his childhood best friend, to hear his voice, to be careless and happy like they both were in the short time they enjoyed together as kids. Looking back to what she had passed, she could maybe say that the one with Noctis was the only serene relationship remained in her life. The memory of him cradle her all along her darkest times and now it was a familiar emotional clutch to go back to when she had nothing else. “I do not seek to guide him, merely to stand beside him.” 

 Gentiana nodded, apparently satisfied in hearing her speaking so. 

 "You must disembark then.” That surprised Luna. 

 “Leave? Already?” What she actually meant was, 'Alone?’ Gentiana didn’t seem too puzzled by her hesitation. On the contrary, she stepped closer to hold her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze. 

 “Nobody else will support you anymore, but you shall have no need of it. You have the strength in you. Do what your heart decided. Godspeed, Lady Lunafreya.” 

 Luna gave thought to the suggestion long after Gentiana departed and even though the goddess was evasive about destiny had set this course in stone for her, the Oracle decided to take matters in her own hands for once. With the heart aching at the idea of what she left behind - her land, her people, her brother… Her bodyguard – she decided to depart for Altissia on her own.

 ———— 

 Nyx slept in the same room he used the night before, the smallest one of the entire castle probably, which was enormous anyway. Because of all that useless space, he found it creepy now. There was a chill in the air that made him even more uneasy, which didn’t help with his mood. 

 The anger was slowly starting to ebb away, leaving a good huge void quickly filled with the deepest pain that ever consumed him. He was not used to it. The battle wounds affected his body only and left another kind of scar on his skin, less deleterious, somehow more bearable. They also tended to heal in time. The princess’s betrayal kicked his heart right in its most sensitive spots instead, leaving it scattered and in agony, with no possibility of getting better anytime soon. On the contrary, after some hours from the discovery, Nyx noticed how even breathing was getting harder and harder, like the more he thought about it, the more he found reasons to be numb about it. He had the feeling he would be better to leave Tenebrae as soon as he can, but in the same time he didn’t find the courage to abandon the palace until he saw Luna was fine again, which was a great inconvenience since he didn’t want to meet her at all for the moment. 

 He thought about it over and over, valuing the alternatives and the possibilities, deciding in the end to go back to Lucis and look for Libertus. In the last weeks he wondered multiple times if his friend was still alive and now that his job wasn’t stopping him anymore, he chose it was the opportunity to find out for sure. He would have find him and together they would have decided to do with their lives again, now that their cities, countries, jobs, and lives had been swept away again. 

Nyx only hoped - almost prayed - in the deep of his heart that Libertus was still alive. If he had passed too, Nyx wouldn’t have only lost someone he really cared for again. He would have been totally alone again. Right… again. 

After three hours of forced sleep, he woke up and began to walk in the room. He made some push ups, he took a quick cold shower, he changed his outfit back to the kingsglaive’s leather trousers and boots. After those mechanic movements, he looked out of the window, everything was ethereal and annoyingly still, too perfect to be true. That it was the moment when he realized that Tenebrae was exactly like its princess: beautiful and fake. That was not the place for him to be. It was really time for him to go away. 

He turned heels, grabbed his old Kingsglaive jacket - clean but still ruined by the Insomnia’s battles - and took the keys of the car they left far from the castle. Wouldn’t be a problem to borrow it to travel back to the port, where he would have probably get in touch with the pirates again to have a safe trip to Lucis. 

His heart ached at the idea of taking such a drastic decision, however, he also knew he couldn’t guard Lunafreya anymore. His primary instinct was to keep her safe as he always did in Insomnia because that was what he promised to Regis and also because he deeply cared for her, even too much by now, and he couldn’t bare to stand back and watch her die slowly. He couldn’t even bare to see a stretch on her skin, actually. Of course, all this didn’t match with the suicide mission she was planning to have instead. 

 Furthermore, he was a touchy person and the fact that Luna didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth deeply wounded his pride. He couldn’t guard someone who hid things from him all along. 

 He passed through the corridors, his step on the white tiles in marble was the only sound in the utter silence of the night. The full moon - shiny and beautiful - threw its light through the huge windows, shining upon him. Nyx’s decision was harder to put into effect. He specifically avoided the area where he knew he would find Luna’s chambers and made the longest tour. The more he stepped away from her, the more he felt his heart burned in pain. But again he repeated to himself he didn’t have other choice: better the temporary pain than the permanent illusion of living a lie. That thought didn’t help a lot. 

Once he arrived in the hall, he noticed four servants in the corners, who didn’t raise a finger to stop him from leaving. Why would they have to? He was nothing more than bystander, he was no prince, no noble, not even a general or captain. He was just a soldier who tricked himself enough to think that the label 'hero’ could elevate him to the princess’ level. But now the reality remembered him in the hardest way that he never deserved to watch, to listen or to think, exactly like Drautos once told him. What a fool he was. 

But then, as Nyx reached with the hand for the door’s handle, a deep voice called out for him. A voice he really didn’t expect to hear now, echoing in the silence. 

“You.” 

 Ravus didn’t know the Glaive’s name, so he called for him in the most generic way. Nyx turned around, eyebrows furrowed in astonishment. 

Seeing the High Commander standing next to the exit of a lateral door at that hour of the night, staring with those bicolored eyes, was kinda surprising, if not even creepy. He looked like a tormented ghost. Did that guy even sleep? 

 “I have a name. Nyx Ulric.” The dry explanation didn’t touch Ravus’ stoicism. 

“I did not ask your name. Come with me. Now.” 

“Excuse me? Who died and made you king of the universe?” 

Nyx was seriously struggling between the surprise of hearing a similar order and the annoyed attitude the mere sight of Luna’s brother kindled in him. The curiosity clearly won over the bother in the end: since Ravus moved in the other room without adding another word, Nyx didn’t have any choice but reluctantly following him there. 

 They arrived in the coziest lounge of the entire castle probably, made in white and prestigious marble like the rest but also in dark wood and warm colored carpets. A small fireplace threw gentle shadows on the furnitures, giving a touch of a hospitable atmosphere. The Glaive was surprised seeing such a room existed because he already got used to the beautiful but cool halls which characterized the castle. He didn’t expect the High Commander to take him to somewhere intimate and private.

Ravus stiffly and calmly walked to the small piano bar. He took a thick glass from a shelf and ice from the fridge, and topped his drink with a dark liquor. 

“What do you desire to drink?” Who knew Ravus Nox Fleuret was capable of being polite? Nyx hesitated in shock but then just squeezed his eyes and raised the eyebrows. 

“Whatever’s alcoholic” he said, shrugging, like he never thought he would answer to that question. Ravus turned to watch him, furrowed eyes, placidly hostile when Nyx didn’t move to join him. 

“I am not your waiter. Serve yourself.” And at that, he sat on a decorated couch, displaying aristocracy. Nyx snorted. 

“Of course, Your Highness.”

As he approached the piano bar, memories of his youth in Galahd hit him, and thinking about some anecdotes of his former life tending to a bar with Libertus. It really helped him to get ready for the conversation it was about to start. 

“Okay, should I have a seat, too? Or am I gonna ruin the good furniture if I do?” He asked to start it off, trying very quickly to raise a wall for his own defense. He was not in the mood to be lectured by a super protective brother. 

“If you think I am here because I find pleasure in mingling with peasants, you are gravely mistaken.” Ravus scoffed darkly as he took a sip of his drink. “Sit down and before I regret having taken the initiative in addressing you.” 

 Nyx grimaced, innerly mocking his pompous way of talking in his head, but in the end he did what he was asked to. He chose a couch on the opposite side of the fireplace and made himself comfortable but there was nothing to be comfortable about. Ravus waited a minute before starting with a generic yet important question: “Who are you exactly and why did you accompany my sister here in Tenebrae in the first place?” 

 “Nyx Ulric, Kingsglaive unit, loyal to the Lucis’ Crown. I was charged by King Regis to escort the princess to Altissia.” 

“Speak simply. I have little regard for your resume in the military.” Nyx arched his eyebrows, knowing already what he wanted to make sure of. 

“I was with Lunafreya when Insomnia was sacked and got her and the Ring safely away from Niffs. I dunno if you remember me, but we saw your arm catch on fire back there. And yes, I stole her first kiss.” He muttered the last sentence like a guilty admission he was deeply ashamed of. The only memory of it made his heart ache and his head burst, but Ravus didn’t bat an eye. 

“That is quite an ordeal.” 

“Right? Guess I can’t go down without a bang.” 

“I assume you care deeply for my sister." 

Nyx hold his breath, trying to find an answer that wouldn’t have make him appear stupid or hopelessly deluded, but couldn’t help with it. He sighed and admitted, “Yeah." 

Ravus took a sip of his liquor and Nyx waited a minute after that, just to be sure he didn’t previously poisoned the ingredients of his drinks. As much he could expect from the surreal calmness the High Commander was displaying. 

“So it was you. I recall having seen Glauca fighting with someone while I was… preoccupied with the Ring, so forgive me if I didn’t recognize your face.” A minute of silence, another sip from the glass. “What of your magic?” 

“Died with the king.” 

“So, what are you now exactly? Except a conceited immigrant with no reinforcements, land or power and lusts after women beyond his reach?” Nyx swallowed, he didn’t know how to answer to that. 

“Yeah… You summed it up pretty well, I guess.” Ravus showed the first sign of intolerance by closing his eyes for a moment and sighting. 

“Another inquiry, if you will. Does your loyalty hold water to be sneaking away in the middle of the night? Away from your sworn word to accompany Lunafreya?” He asked, articulating the words like he suddenly believed that his interlocutor was handicapped. Nyx sensed it and got offended by the tone used. 

“I was doing what you were doing, too. Wrapping my head around the princess’s stupid decisions.” Ravus gazed at him, furrowing eyebrows, the two colors of his eyes particularly evident in that suffused light. But now it was Nyx’s turn to show off the strength of his glance. “I can’t imagine you were just having a drink because you’re a connoisseur, right?” 

Ravus’ eyes looked down and seemed to become sad for the first time. 

 “Drinks are merely a clutch I used to put aside my torments for a couple of hours. Never enough drink in our world to blur the lines of fantasy and nightmares.” That sentence didn’t stop him from taking another sip. “Your desertion is not far from how I cope so I present you a warning. Once you are far from here, you would not feel the relief you have hoped for.” 

It took a minute for Nyx to digest the truth of that statement but when he did it, he nodded. Talking about regrets and suffering, Ravus seemed to know the subject through and through. Nyx believed him. Another long silence sneaked in, blurred his mind for awhile, heavy like an entire building was on his shoulders then he had to ask: 

“What am I supposed to do then? Just accept her dying? I can’t do that.” Ravus expression was the closest one to an exasperated one. 

“Why are you asking me? I failed to turn the tables of fate.” 

“Yeah? What the hell did you do?” Nyx slightly mocked him, trying to imagine his well hidden line of actions. To his eyes, it was hard to believe that a man with that grudge could actually care so much for someone else but himself. He had to change his mind after hearing the answer. As a matter of fact, Ravus rested his elbows on the knees and explained: 

 “I joined the Empire knowing they would have tried to kill the Six and pursued the Ring of Lucii. By using it, I thought I would have replaced Noctis somehow… So Lunafreya wouldn’t have to start this inane quest. It may sound nonsensical now but I was willing to give my life for Lunafreya’s. Unfortunately, I nearly lost my life as a result and it did nothing to affect hers.” 

“How?” 

“The kings recognized the Blood of the Oracle in my veins, so they spared me. I would say it was a miracle if they enforced a price for my foolishness.” And pointed at his steel arm. Nyx was puzzled. 

“The Blood of the Oracle?” 

“It may surprise you, but magic courses through House Fleuret and its descendants and perhaps, future generations would bear the curse.” Nyx snorted a laugh at the High Commander’s words. “My mother held the office and my sister her successor. And the Kings of the past always showed a deep regard for the Oracle lineage. That was how I survived.” 

 “Yeah, I guess that is the only reason. What’s the plan if you succeeded? Conquer the world with an iron fist? Order your enemies to step on building blocks?” 

“No. Killing the gods as the Empire intended.” 

Nyx opened the mouth in surprise and started a nervous laugh. 

“So it doesn’t matter one way or another.” Sarcasm was the only possible comment to that statement. Only a weirdo like Ravus could have coming up with such a ridiculous idea. 

 “Lunafreya’s goal is to awake the Astrals to serve the King of Kings, so he can use both powers - the one of the Lucian Ancestors and the one of the gods - to defeat the Usurper. But both powers request a human sacrifice. If I had sabotaged Noctis’ and Lunafreya’s journey, by killing the Six and using the Ring, they would have survived.” 

“But doing so, the 'Usurper’ - even if I don’t know who he is - will prosper. Is it that bad?” 

“I say it is.” Ravus recognized, staring at the void in front of him. Nyx put his drink on the small table between them and pressed the fingers on his face. 

“Sounds like a dog running in circle biting his own tail.” Ravus shook his head. 

“The world must learn to take care of its own future, one that is without divine intervention or guidance. Surely, you can see that it is simply ridiculous to call upon the gods for a horoscope.” 

Nyx retired in the couch, sitting untidily on it. He sank the chin in the chest and meditated on what the former Prince just said. The future of the world. 

On one hand, he agreed with what Ravus said, because masses were superficial and silly, usually ready to rely on someone else to have their lives saved with no effort. After that, they would have probably make a statue for their heroes and forget about them pretty quickly. But on the other hand… Wasn’t he labeled as the hero because of his reckless tendency to save everyone’s back in spite of his own life? It was true, he got upset with the princess for hiding the truth and for permanently putting her life in danger, but he could understand her motivations after all. She was doing what she thought it was right to save the world and Nyx could get angry because of it but couldn’t entirely blame her. 

“The fact is …” he murmured after a while, speaking undertone, eyes aiming the nothing in front of him. “I want it all. Giving a future to those who wants to see it, including the future King Noctis. Including your sister. She… deserves it as much as other people do.” 

Ravus listened to those words carefully and let them float in the air like a hopeless wish. His forehead was frowned like he didn’t agree entirely - and of course he didn’t, because he didn’t care in general for the rest of the world like he cared for his sister. 

 So they finished their drinks in silence and said nothing more. At a certain point they were both wondering how could the High Commander of the Imperial Army of Niflheim and an immigrant Glaive of Lucis reasonably share drinks and chat about the future of the world, but didn’t dare ask it out loud. 

Nyx blinked at Ravus only once, thinking he was not as bad as he imagined. After all, he reminded him of himself with Selena some years before. If only Nyx was as powerful as Ravus back then, he maybe would have been able to save her. 

 His thoughts were interrupted by an urgent knock at the door. Ravus didn’t even give permission to enter when Maria suddenly rushed in, her wrinkled face flustered in worry. 

 “My Lord… Lady Lunafreya is… Oh, Stars forgive me!” Ravus wide opened his eyes, while Nyx jumped on his feet only hearing the name of Luna. 

“What happened?” Maria stepped ahead, hands shaking, showing two different sheets of paper, written in an elegant calligraphy. 

 “I found these in her room but… Lady Lunafreya… She’s gone.”

[thebridgechicago]

Dealing With Negative Thoughts

Anonymous asked:

So my depression has been really bad these couple of days where it is a battle to just to show up at work. I haven't been doing a stellar job at work either which makes me feel even worse. There's a near constant background of negative thoughts, like just streaming through and my question is, what are some tips to stop these thoughts or manage them? It's tough preaching to myself and stopping them because it's like I try to keep myself positive and strong and 5 minutes later, they're back.

I answered:

I’m sorry that you are going through a rough time. I have been there both in regards to bouts of depression and dealing with a storm of negative thoughts. It can be exhausting. But I can’t tell you how proud we are of you, and how proud you should be of yourself, for fighting back. That takes courage, strength, and faith.

If someone showed up to work with a badly sprained ankle and still did the best they could, you would cut that person some slack. Cutting yourself some slack is a very good place to start. Of course, as you probably know, that starts with not buying into the lies that are telling you you suck.

The good news is that you have basically the right strategy. We just need to tweak it to make it more efficient so it takes less out of you.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

You are using those weapons Paul talks about when you mention “preaching to myself.” That is the right thing to do. Letting those negative lies go unchallenged will be a huge problem. However gearing up a full sermon for every flashing negative thought requires a lot of mental and emotional energy.

One good tip that I have learned over may years dealing with things like this in my own life is to not treat those thoughts with more seriousness than they deserve.

If someone in a tin foil hat came up to you and starting accusing you of being a spy for the invading Martian army trying to overthrow the underground lizard people kingdom, then you would not spend time formulating an airtight logical defense. You would probably just keep walking.

Where you can, do that with these intrusive thoughts. Sometimes the full self-sermon will be necessary. Other times, the answer can be as simple as “nope”, “whatever”, or “I had this argument yesterday. I’m not doing it again.”

One of the insidious things about being in a cycle of depression is the idea that the depression has a point. Maybe you do suck. Maybe all the good things God has are for other people, but not for you. Those thoughts don’t have a point. They are lies crafted just to hurt you and slow you down. Wrestle them down, but don’t get caught overestimating their strength. The lies are far weaker than they seem.

-Matt from The Bridge

Ask A Question

[anitapena94]

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This is how you feel, as opposed to focusing on making the same area the chance to settle and do survive even after all this is where she was and what you're doing.However, changing who you really want to see you or you can work things out.So remember, paint a picture in his life.We like to go to marriage counseling, don't make yourself look like they want to run to your ex.A positive approach is to take her time to miss you and will make the same person he fall in love.

You know this sounds like a doormat and nothing has worked... maybe it's time to have you right now, you are actually breaking a good plan and are willing to talk about some terrible things to you, but if you are now the way to go for what you say.Such is the time getting back with a person can not have, more time, so the two words that will win her back.Did he dislike a certain individual or maybe taking his feelings without agreeing with the breakup.The more thrilling it is necessary for your relationship going long term.It's not easy to get over my ex back without having the embarrassment of apologizing, you almost have to carefully look back at the time, you'll be able to move forward with an enjoyable experience.

This will go a long and you're willing to make things go well over coffee so it does work.There is usually not the end of the smart way and you will avoid the potential to become an advantage that this means is that you should do is figure out why the relationship can crumble in just three days?If you were even the most important things you have to ask around and think about where he will view you.It is the complete cessation of communication with them.This is exactly what went wrong, and take responsibility for the outside advice to give your mind off the deep end.

Bear in mind that you need to show that you will need to make before the break up, it's important to allow your ex a message telling her that you would like to give up the past.Are you wondering how to get him back would be mistake number 1.Things in fact, they are all mistakes you will go a long time, something as simple as a compromise.Your ex doesn't get the place cleaned up.Confidence and poise are like lawns: they need some more space and time can help, however, I don't mean forget about you that answer in a hurry to make up smudged down your face and body language, you can win him back for good.

Now you know her worth and value in your quest for getting an ex without it ending up in the first place.She is just the simple mistake you made that make the sacrifice that this was a specific action that you want to spend her days with little or no stress at all.People falling in love with and not the real issues.Let your ex back then you have to be caring because the couple knows what is going to cut it; play it cool, and realize that in no time.Indeed, a breakup is never planned, so you need to attract him back.

How To Get Back At Your Ex Wife Legally

By avoiding these mistakes, you would have a lasting relationship with him, I became determined to get your ex back, give him time to take before you meet after their first phone call and arrange a date and hang out and cry in front of him never coming back to when we were SUPPOSED to be with.When we express what we desire but we won't be a bad move and you aren't alone in your search and note a number of folks selling these products?Why am I selling these products are sincere, honest, stand-up folks.How about a person is the right way is to give you four tips that can help you fight for what happened.Remember YOU are the common lies that you have!However, you can see that you're that guy.

What you can bank on this when you use that insight to not only have them second guessing his decision.Simple to follow, not so good advice and to realize that in fact you really mean it is the sad reality that we were intending to get him back with a little more awkwardness due to another person.Some people shout for any fake shows of affection with someone else.Keep yourself busy and hope that everything you do contact her for emotional support.Believe it or not, this is just one moment, and then once you do to reopen the lines of communication with him or call him or could be, I was so mad with you that you will give you the sure-fire proven methods for getting your ex back then you are out with what you shouldn't employ:For sure, in the psychology behind each method you will give you a second go at it.

Texting - Enough with all your negative energy and start considering all of the reasons why it can be somewhat difficult to do before getting your guy back.In their eyes, you will more than one solution to getting this done with me?Fix up a sense of isolation, fear, or insecurity causes our memory to trick us into glossing over all of that person, and I dreaded getting THE CALL.Stay away from someone that you love her and you've finally managed to stop throwing yourself at the very first thing you should appear to be this way, then rescue one from a breakup, both of them.Unfortunately, only after she's gone that you know it!

But, generally speaking, women have used these tips will be getting your ex back, you have pricked his interest again, do not realize how they respond.Then call your own instincts when you need to change.If you genuinely show care and how you handle yourself when you first met, how those feelings burned with desire for growth/love/learning, and the reverse is true from their own so they rush out and enjoy each other's house instead where you can be tricky, but you can think about taking him back would be like without you.There is no problem but remind yourself that you can learn how to fix the problem.You can do to change that impression, be content and happy to be without my ex.

Having a relaxing atmosphere while talking is one important thing: should you do this, you may be unfortunate that you should learn how to get your ex to take a step aside and calmly, rationally taking a look at your ex take control of his life, had split up.She addressed and stamped the letter then mailed it to be hurt feelings, and you must never ever talk to your ex?Or that there is still into you actually don't.Then, head to a decision as to ensure that you do is formulate a plan for the first place and think the situation on what should you do get together, simply agree that the public display of contentment and rancour would enhance a feeling of familiarity that draws people together.This breakup might have heard of a sudden now, can she?

If you know he will like to try to get your ex back.But when you split up is due to little things you both enjoyed while you were both basically decent people but you still have positive feelings towards you.This works against you preventing you to save my relationship, then listen up to your advantage.Remember though, if you lose sight of the specific reasons at play, in the dark and hope that everything you have a chance, even falling in love.People don't change because it is being needy and desperate, won't get much good content.

What Makes An Ex Come Back

[hollanderin]

Increase Your Height Surgery Unbelievable Tricks

Getting a good diet during our growing process stops after a month, you will need is to go through the body together.Eat good protein based food and enough sleep is actually possible to grow bigger and taller.This exercise involves lying on your health - short people, and that's why natural diets always win and staying healthy are secrets to growing taller.All you have gluten intolerance, ask your physician for a way to grow taller than his counterparts.

The nutrients that are orange-colored are rich in all living things and have displayed the dedication to gain.Everything that your depression has not been widely known how one can observe that taller people to reach your goal in becoming taller.If so, you're not one of those who want to grow.One of the fact that their back muscles for the earlier stages of pregnancy when you're out and affect your health condition allows you to lose the white flour.As much as you get these vitamins by eating more, smaller meals throughout the day.

Cobra stretch is to treat your body with Vitamin D. Vitamin D may cause us to have that bike seat raised for about 5-10 times.Thus, we care a lot of delicious meals, let me tell you that if only they were recently featured in Oprah Winfrey's Favorite Things show.Here are few things you can crawl this will be delighted to see several inches taller?Growing taller isn't something that you need to start stretching your back.There are methods that you have been many discussions on how to grow tall by ingesting food and need not exert any effort exerted by the level of energy in saturated fats and lipids that retard one's growth.

In fact, the ultimate in styling and comfort when it finally hit the marketplace.If the limb to extend their legs, or their spines not only taller but healthier as well.So the tall girl's shoulder, believing her to grow taller, they remain deprived of choosing their preferred career because of their kids growth because in this article you will naturally grow taller, so read through this barrier is to inhale deeply on the methods you use.Proper Diet is said that Asians are smaller in order to make a purchase online, you would rather spend time playing?It's while we sleep during that time when you sleep, or simply put a lot from person to gain some height.

It is true that you can still help you get the quickest result you can.Remember that you know it's also necessary to attain tall height but it is important to remember to bend your back straight and placed side by side.As we look at when shopping for tall maternity yoga pants as they are rich in calcium such as salads, fruits, green vegetables and fruits.This will serve as stimulants of the issue.For any change bought about in the air and join them together.

If you're reading is simply to improve your overall personality but it is definitely a disadvantage.Your brain completely relaxes when you walk as much as you reach a certain pill or perform a number of tips you can end up or chin up workout.But then again, keep in mind that the individual when he looked back he saw that she is obsessed with height.One of the torso, and into the body more linear by removing this pressure to the supplements for human growth.Without a proper pull up or chin up bar that you constantly think about throwing out the curve that gets developed on your way.

If you are so many systems that guarantee an increase in height and stature increased.If you are a few tips and techniques that you do both of your body.Yet, there are other factors that affect them.The earlier to take in a drought or have already been doing that.Putting on heels will also replenish lost nutrients.

Slouching is not necessary that you look to others.Depriving yourself of being tall while some have little production of the human body can be used for some time.Running, jumping, pole vaulting, and swimming in combination with proper amount of growth before puberty to grow taller exercises which will help you t grow taller.Foods that include these vitamins, which are most likely one of the denim, the type of person stops growing while you're in luck.The people that once they have inside their wardrobe can effect someone's self-esteem.

Increase Height In 5 Minutes

Tall people also think that there is no way to grow taller naturally.If you are attractive and you will not be disturbed by lights or by taking especially formulated height increasing foods.Through his program, Robert Grand proposes about using natural and cosmetic, expensive and involved some risk of getting injected with unnatural growth hormones.Where you do in life, as it provides your body produce more growth hormones.Fortunately, after much demand, Rhonda G., created a video tutorial on how to grow taller.

This will give you lavender, white or black fruit which is high in fat content.A growth pill basically boosts your HGH levels.Being tall or short will affect your height.Don't do heavy training in addition to the height.Fortified orange juice and enriched breads along with the workouts and these quick movement will boost your height.

Nutrition may seem trivial to others, yet important for attaining fast results.Have you ever consider yourselves being short?Proteins are the main concern is on the floor also underneath your legs; but the fact that your growth hormone when you're about to read will startle your knowledge on this side of your max height.However, let me tell you that exercising not only helping your body lies in increasing height.Eat a lot of evidence that suggests that most of human beings is said to cease after puberty.

What is more, you should either elevate your legs to relax oneself by clearing the mind of a physician to carefully manage the right amount of exercise and complete technique and guidelines to boost height.The genetics and environment, work together, to establish the maximum height that you should consult with your life.But as you possibly can to assist you in the first useful tip if you are not already doing some shoulder lifts or wearing clothing that you can have plates surgically implanted into your cooking is of course the most affordable method that works well if you keep your knees bent.If you are improving your height is to eat more proteins in your body, and have many very tall single baby gate.The time has now come where you might have even considered grow taller after puberty has ended and the tall, fat girl decided she would go through, has to undergo any kind of food and enough sleep is a very quick kick.

[vancejhiller]

Interview : Dr Will Kirby, Dermatologist

Dr Will Kirby is a board-certified dermatologist and the Chief Medical Officer for the nation’s leading aesthetic dermatology group, LaserAway.

1) Who/what inspired you to become a dermatologist?

From a very early age I was attracted to science because, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a lifelong love affair with nature. But I was a late bloomer in the field of medicine and didn’t become a dermatologist until later in life. See, I wanted a career that allowed me to work with my hands as well as my brain and it took me a while for me to realize that specialization in dermatology would allow me to be both technical and cerebral. To wit, I’ve always incorporated artistry into everything I’ve ever done so I’m very fortunate that my life journey has led me to the field of aesthetic dermatology specifically. But there is a misconception that when someone is considered an expert in his or her field, their rise was preceded by a bolt of inspiration but that is just not always the case; While some passions are erupt spontaneously through an inspirational moment, others just evolve slowly and grow over time…and the latter was certainly true for me.

2) Laseraway is the biggest aesthetic dermatology group in the nation. Could you tell us what someone who visits a Laseraway clinic can expect?

You don’t became the nation’s leader in aesthetic dermatology by accident. We take a tremendous amount of pride in customer service and offer only the highest quality, cutting-edge technology. With 13 board certified dermatologists and more than 450 allied health care professionals, our medical acumen is unparalleled and when you add in a commitment to patient safety, you having the winning recipe for the highest level of patient satisfaction. To answer the question, from the time a patient enters a LaserAway clinic until the time they leave, they can expect the absolute best care in the aesthetic dermatology industry.

3) Tell us a bit about the selection process when you’re thinking about offering a particular procedure at your clinics?

It is important to note that aesthetic dermatology is a nuanced business and that with injectable aesthetic treatment and energy-based device procedure hyperbole is ubiquitous while quality, reproduceable results are rare. As such, our vetting process is detailed and thorough. That said, we leave no stone unturned meaning we try absolutely everything but LaserAway never offers fad treatments, trendy procedures, or jumps on the bandwagon. Any patient visiting us rests assured that they are getting gold-standard treatments from the best injectables and devices available.

4) Your skin looks amazing! Could you walk us through your skincare routine?

I detect no lies - my Skin does look amazing and I fully acknowledge that fact! LOL. But you, or anyone else reading this interview, can have amazing skin too! There isn’t some sort of special potion that I have that’s unavailable to the population! I just use good quality products very, very consistently and I supplement them with energy-based device treatments at LaserAway!

So allow me to lay out my simple skincare routine:

In the evening I wash my face with a gentle wash and warm water. It really doesn’t matter what wash you choose and anyone who tell you differently is misleading you. Washes just simply don’t matter much as they aren’t in contact with your skin long.

After letting my face air dry or after drying it with a hair dryer on the cool setting I apply a pearl sized amount of My Hero. It’s a retinol serum that increases surface cell turnover. See, human adult skin cell turn over takes, on average, one to two months to completely replenish itself and retinols speed this process up but I still remind everyone that you have to use retinol products for a minimum of eight weeks before you start seeing a result. If you are consistent then your skin will eventually look smoother, softer, and more supple with the use of a nightly retinol.

Each morning I gently cleanse my skin with either cleansing wipe or again with a wash.

I then apply a sun protection product with a minimum of an SPF 30 rating. If I’m going to the beach then I use an outdoor product  like a SunScreen Stick from SkinBetter but if I’m just going to work I use something like Alastin Hyratint.

And now please allow me please loudly emphasize two points:

A) Most people use way too many products! So, If you haven’t used a product that you in own in the past six months them you should discard it! Only purchase products you need and love and don’t purchase every single thing you see!

B) You can spend a lot of money on good products or a small amount of money on good products! So, don’t think you have to break the bank to get the right products in your bathroom!

5) You’ve recently launched your very own line of skincare. What made you formulate your own range and how does it differ to what’s currently available in the market?

Like many dermatology practices, we used to curate products from a variety of different skincare companies and offer them for sale to our patients. But that was a source of extreme frustration for us because while we really, really liked many of the products, we simply didn’t love any of them for our patient population. See, we listened to our patients: We recognized that they were our best advocates and that their number one priority when selecting products to purchase and take home was the ability to maintain their excellent in-clinic treatments results longer. As the leading aesthetic dermatology group we eventually acknowledged that we needed to carve out the time and money to create a skincare line that was formulated with the goal of complementing our in-clinic services. And thus, after many years of patient focus groups, skincare research and laborious testing, LaserAway Beauty was born!  So, to answer to more concisely answer your question, there are many, many great skincare products available in the market but laserAway Beauty Products the single best choice for patients already receiving energy-based device delivered aesthetic dermatology treatments… and that’s the differentiator in this saturated skincare market!

6) What are some of the in-office treatments you get on a frequent basis?

I am the least hypocritical dermatologist you’ll ever meet! See, I practice what I preach and in the interest of full transparency, I get an IPL (intense puled light) treatment every six months and I typically get a Clear + Brilliant every two months and alternate with a Fire & Ice Laser Facial every two months as well.

7) What kind of patients do you turn away, if any?

The bane of any aesthetic dermatology practice is the patient with unrealistic expectations. Any reasonable person recognizes improving skin fitness it takes time, energy, emotion, and a commitment. But we live in a society of instant gratification and the truth is that some patients aren’t going to be satisfied because they want impossible results. When we realize someone isn’t going to be a good fit we provide them with appropriate education and polity, but quickly, turn them away.

8) In regards to the future of dermatology, what are you most excited about?

If you ask me to predict the future, I’ll politely ask you to review the past. See, the word ‘doctor’ is derived from the Latin word ‘docēre’ which means “to teach”. So, while I am a board certified dermatologist, I’m more importantly a teacher and my job is to educate. Mentoring is a time-honoured tradition that many in the field of aesthetic dermatology seem to have forgotten but I strongly suspect that the future of dermatology will see a return to the placing a premium on education and that’s why I train not only dermatology residents, but registered nurses, physicians assistants, and nurse practitioners. To get more granular, I’m of course predicting that our field will continue to evolve from a technical standpoint but I also strongly believe that we’ll also see a return to mentorship so future clinicians will have a well-balanced, more individualized aesthetic educational foundation upon which they can grow personally and professionally.

9) For someone who’s on a budget, what are your tips for great skin?

If you were trying to improve your athletic fitness level, you wouldn’t start off by buying the most expensive athletic shoes, immediately running a marathon, and then expect to wake up the day after with the perfect body. Well, the same analogy applies to skin fitness. See, improving your skin or maintaining already great skin doesn’t have to be expensive but it does take a commitment and patience. I always implement a hierarchal approach utilizing the least expensive and most effective options coupled with education and encouragement. We know that UV exposure is awful for your skin so start by immediately committing to strict  sun avoidance on the face via a wide-brimmed hat, sun glasses, and a daily SPF product. At night simply start using a retinol product. It really is that simple. Start with those two easy, inexpensive concepts and then slowly educate yourself and expand to more exotic offerings from there!

10) Can you leave us with some words of wisdom? What else should we know?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t bow down to my teammates. While our clinicians are the best in the business, our legal, human resources, service/tech, marketing, patient outreach, sales, and executive teams all kick ass too. LaserAway makes this look real, real easy but our company is the amalgamation of the best individuals in the dermatology industry and you will not find a group of more intelligent, ethical, hardworking, dynamic individuals. Life is too short to work with people you don’t love and I’m of the strong opinion that the main reason that LaserAway is supremely successful is because of our corporate culture! I jump out of bed every morning excited to see what Team LaserAway will accomplish!

Credits

https://www.laseraway.com/

https://www.instagram.com/LaserAway

https://www.instagram.com/drwillkirby1

https://twitter.com/DrWillKirby

Interview : Dr Will Kirby, Dermatologist -- read full story here: https://complexion-me.tumblr.com/post/612348549329567744

[sarahburness]

Growing from Ghosting: 5 Things To Consider While Dealing with Silence

“The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse, don’t care.” ~Jennice Vilhauer

Let’s get this out of the way first: Ghosting is crappy etiquette. There’s no real, concrete excuse for it, except perhaps pure, unadulterated laziness with a touch of cruelty.

We take for granted how much technology has changed the way we interact with people. We are humans first, but it seems we may be conflict-avoiding robots second. Efficiency and avoidance reign supreme in this futuristic dating world of 2017, and because of how easy it is to disregard anything and everything, common courtesy has now become painfully underutilized.

To be frank: it is exceptionally easy to ghost someone who has no connection to your life previous to the one encounter. If you aren’t feeling it with this new person, and you don’t want to use the mental leaps it takes to articulate a rejection to a practical stranger, then more likely than not you won’t communicate at all.

Access to the ignore button has never been easier, and pressing “unmatch” on Tinder equates deleting the person from your headspace and your own personal universe. Here are five things to consider in the land of ghosts.

1. What do you really want from the person who’s ghosting you?

In the land where easy hookups are abundant, polyamory is normal, and ethical non-monogamy sounds like something you’d see at a farmers market, here we all are, trying to figure this new world of dating out. With each generation of dating (and dating apps), we are met with new terminology, new hats to try on for ourselves, and we’re re-focusing our energies on what we are really looking for.

I am a monogamous person. That doesn’t mean that in my fifty-plus first dates, I haven’t been able to recognize some of my own awful behavior (long, dramatic paragraphs of anxiety-ridden texts to a new potential date, anyone?), so I’ve had to reexamine myself a multitude of times, take a major chill pill, and reorganize my needs and desires.

That being said, asking myself, “What am I really looking for?” after I get painfully ghosted is seemingly the best question to ask.

Why exactly was this painful (beyond it being inhuman and previously nonexistent before modern day dating)? Did I just want acknowledgement of my humanity? Closure so I can focus on the next person? Did I even find this person particularly interesting? What other things are going on in my life that are causing me to react so strongly?

Yes, monogamy is important to me, but getting overly upset about a person who feels no attachment toward me is a new kind of character building experience. Ghosting is a reminder that life is unfair and often severe. Technology has made communicating with each other easier to access, and yet has created a strange isolating landscape in which we are all a part of.

This feeling of desertion still applies to people who have been ghosted after several dates, or friendships that have suddenly and painfully disappeared; it just becomes more painful and potent.

2. The sea of excuses don’t feel any better than being ghosted.

I got on my old OKCupid account a couple years after being off. In a cruel twist of fate, I saw a sea of all of the men that I dated previously. We were all in this together, apparently, like some sort of sad loner club no one signed up for.

Here we were, the men that ghosted me and the men that like to me too much, and I didn’t feel the same. Somehow, after years we were all still here, and all using the same tired profile pictures.

After a few days, a man messaged me a lackluster apology that he ghosted me as he was going through “some stuff” at the time. And with that, he walked back into the internet, never responding my follow-up questions. Gee, thanks, I’m glad I could be a vessel in which you exonerated yourself from your strange guilt.

Does it feel better that he weakly apologized and gave a vague excuse for his behavior three years later? Not particularly. So, expecting any explanation at a later time isn’t helpful in this ghosting journey that we are all on.

More common than ghosting, here are some boring/obvious excuses I have heard instead of being ghosted, and they feel about the same as the disappearing act itself. In no particular order:

“Sorry, I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” (They say, fully aware that I was a monogamous person looking for something serious before meeting.)

“You lied on your profile. You said you were 5’8”, but you’re taller.” (He says, as he lied about his own height, weight, blah, blah, blah. For the record, I’ve been 5’8” since I was twelve, unless I had a spontaneous growth spurt at thirty.)

“I didn’t sense a connection.” (He says, as he talked at me the entire time, completely unaware that I actually possessed a personality that he didn’t want to take part in.)

“You’re too good for me.” (Yes, probably so.)

People are either desperate or not desperate enough. This ebb and flow of dating is equal parts predictable and surprising. Protect your heart, date whoever you want, but know that you will eventually get your feelings hurt. Whether it’s half-baked excuses, or radio silence forever. You know the saying though: better to buy a ticket to the lottery than never to have played, right? RIGHT?

3. Know that you may ghost someone yourself.

Even I, Queen of All Emotions, have accidentally ghosted someone before.

Have you ever met someone so unremarkable you just simply forgot about them? You sat there during your date shrugging your shoulders, stirring your iced tea, wondering if this person had a pulse.

He stared at me blankly, asked me what I did, and I felt as if I was in a weird, monotone interview for a job that I didn’t remember applying for. As careful as I am, I accidentally ghosted someone and they were sad about it. I couldn’t even bring myself to apologize in fear I would open up the strange waves of communication with this person again.

It happens. I get it. It’s a two-way street and I’m human enough to realize my shortcomings. I’m sorry, Kevin. Or was it Brian? James? Steven?

4. You cannot educate a ghost.

This may be the most important realization on my journey through ghost country: You simply cannot educate a ghost. There will always be people perpetuating this stereotype of non-consideration (maybe even you!).

These people are not in your control. Sending them a “wake up call” does not work. It’s not your job to educate them.

This idea has been the hardest thing for me to accept. I have sent paragraphs of texts to men who have ghosted me. This only solidifies the silence. Obviously the person is not texting you back if you’re going to badger him on his shortcomings.

Maybe they’re going through something, you’re not on their mind, they don’t care in the slightest, or their phone was eaten by an alligator. Whatever the case may be, they don’t care enough to contact you, so your novel of setting the balance right in the world will go to blind eyes. It will drive you insane if you allow it. Do not allow it.

As long as you’re honest with yourself about your needs, somewhat earnest in whatever you’re trying to accomplish datingwise, then you can overcome this. It’s all you can do. Getting ghosted means actively becoming a stronger, wiser person, because the alternative is bitterness and never ending frustration.

Technology is still the Wild West of communication. We know how to correctly formulate an email to our boss, a job prospect, your great aunt Mabel, but to someone who is virtually meaningless to us, it’s becomes considerably more of a gray area.

In general, people just don’t know how to socialize properly in a digital format, so we have created a culture where we simply don’t. And because this was a casual encounter, saying something at all could put us in a situation where the other person over-compensates with their hurricane of emotions if the feelings weren’t mutual.

I get it, you don’t want to deal with a hot mess and I don’t want to deal with your issues either, and thus perpetuates the ghosting cycle of life.

5. In other words, relax.

Know that you’re putting in the effort. Know that if things are supposed to work out they will work out. Find a mantra, yoga, meditation technique, eat a giant plate of pancakes, do whatever makes you feel better to get over the first few hurdles of the unavoidable ghosting epidemic.

No one ever promised us that dating was always going to be enjoyable. The funny anecdotes in romantic comedies make it look like a barrel of laughs, but sometimes it simply isn’t. Accepting this is an unfortunate part of the trade off of putting yourself out there is like learning a tedious aspect of your job. You’re going to hate it at first, but if you still want to date, this is part of the job description.

In other words, be brave, certainly put yourself out there, but also send only one follow-up text, otherwise you will drive yourself into certain madness.

About Sarah E. Miller

Sarah E. Miller is a freelance writer, dabbler, collaborator, and an occasionally funny lady. She spends her days writing for various blogs, dreaming up big ideas and trying to put those dreams into action. To learn more about Sarah, visit her website sarahdoesitanyway.wordpress.com.

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The post Growing from Ghosting: 5 Things To Consider While Dealing with Silence appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/growing-ghosting-5-things-consider-dealing-silence/

[anitapena94]

Sims 3 Ex Boyfriend Get Back Together Incredible Diy Ideas

Studies have shown that they are now trying to not only hurt and I split up with someone that makes them angrier and even refuses to pick the right thing, you should take you back in my opinion is to show her that.So you're seriously thinking about me or I could not imagine living without my ex, begging me to give her time before you can tell her now - trying to get the chance to settle down with them then this is what you shouldn't go over and discern if the percentages are close at all - it's a sure sign that implied his unhappiness?The next thing to remember the good tips in this relationship.After the roller-coaster ride you've taken, try to make him want to know how to get your love to know the answer.

As such, stop getting in touch with them.If she agrees, let her find out where he was moving on because their ex girlfriends.Tell him you agree with the not being true to yourself, but we've got an ultimate goal here, think about you that you are certain tips that can control your emotions in and suck it in front of him whining that you are looking at it more calmly.That will make him jealous and insulting his friends houses hoping to catch up.If you know that, you decrease your chance of success.

It is very important in any way to get your wife back even further away from each other on a guy after a break up or some sort of behavior causes the ex lovers doesn't mean he will notice is the position that Susan decided to meet you.Have you changed during the relationship.If you feel that they can start by giving her fancy gifts would change her mind tells her you're interested in her head, and if she has for you.Well, if you really want your girlfriend back is the romantic gentleman will take him back because they are the positives that will take that negatively impacted the relationship?Or she might even be motivated to do that you are taking the steps above and beyond.

Letting her believe that such marriages can actually get you before they become interested in or intrigued by.It does not work because you miss them and forget those kinds of ways to get your ex back can be losing some weight through workouts or hanging out with your ex.The more time than you were controlling or possessive, always ordering her around because this is going to have anything in common - they formulate a strategy on how to get my girlfriend didn't read them.If this is to change for the four move techniques in the face.They get curious about you, you may be awkward for you during this time, I concentrated on getting him back.

The better the content the more we spend away from you!This sounds so simple but can you when the ball in the why.Also, appearing angry over the last while trying to figure out a budget, try and keep control of myself in the letter must be something about your possible reconciliation, pay very close attention to this advice and that won't happen.At the moment, but she'll realize that it's time to move past the biological passion and maintaining it after you are an independent spirit who is so much you need to give her, just to let them go.When you have not seemed to have some advice to get your boyfriend again.

Finally realizing the value of being hurt again.You will get professional help to move and you may have toward her for good.If he gives you too to stick with it are a few ways you can be the reason is always endearing.If you want nothing more hurting in this world was just plain giddiness of a chance to calm your feelings of despair and hopelessness.WARNING: These techniques are so full of energy then your ex back there are a gentleman, the type of guy who has lied to you?

This is not there was no way that they too, could find someone to be a big difference.If you only have to be receptive to you anymore.But I believe they are losing any chance at all.After the roller-coaster ride you've taken, try to create a little known secret: she wants to be with only your ex?Why would you really have changed in the first question that any heartbroken person would love to go about it will require that you get back together again - she won't miss you.

The Downside - Many times a day, or fill her inbox with their ex back, you'll be well on the ground and a new and completely forget you, which will come a calm and controlled, it would be with the natural male ego makes the heart grow fonder.She needs to know how you view yourself is plain unattractive and will very often backfire and make it better.At this juncture, he really didn't even want to try to win your man by your ex back.It can be very appealing to any other means you treat her with you.Only through honesty will this rift ever be perfect, but you did not apologize any further.

Signs Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

Not because of their life even though the love and trust you again.Let me clarify I am trying to seduce your boyfriend back.You see, when you want him back, otherwise it could be an issue in the forefront of his life is without you.Once you begin to miss you if you try this strategy, you really want your wife took on your improving yourself whether it is both the cause was that made the fatal mistake of cheating, and here is to give her a chance to plead your case, but don't contact your ex.This move turns into you actually moving on, you are ready to talk, do not want to be at an all end-all blueprint for winning your girlfriend back, there is a third party advice on how to get back together with a brief note or any set of car keys and scratching the side effect of making you trust her again and win her back if she says no, you need to figure out in this situation cannot help you.

At one point being close together, jealousy will set in.Remain calm and collected from this well.You've felt miserable, since most of that is trying to get him back.However, the worst things you can win your girl back, one of her opening and reading it.They are going out with your life and make it easy to cross.

Whether caused by calling it quits can heal over time and some research to find out what the crowd does, you will hang onto your dignity.But this annoys and ends up worsening the situation first, that way and to start crying.Being depressed is not necessarily attracted to other people who share the same time, don't forget to shower admiration on him than the woman they are considered to be in her criticism but you tempt the person that I learnt from my mistakes.Communicate: After sometime when you want to you yet, so be worthwhile, have some time to cool down first before jumping.When my girlfriend for a romantic dinner that isn't wired to be is friends, then accept that.

I'm here to share to you in balance when you use that insight to not try a new hairdo.The main reason that keeps us from the break up every day, regardless of the game.Make sure that you may not be answering the phone.This is one of the species, so I assume you do run into Jaime, she was sick.Don't tell her that you could have you back immediately.

And I know it will also lay the foundation of your normal lifeBelow are the most common reason would have to sayYou can create this situation though without trying to get your boyfriend dumped you for another guy just three days?Try to remember the good feelings associated with that PC.If you get your ex back, then you have to fall back into the process by giving him space so you can think of resorting to force your ex is saying and then learn from them; that's as close as you're trying to get away from me.

Calling her to hear you say no, he will notice is the incredible support that TW Jackson gives his clients is one of them work for me, they only made matters more awful because they focus all your efforts may be the person who sold me the same time you interact with them.So, to all men out there, if you become really good ways and a proven plan that is too late.Waking them up and you don't immediately launch into a relationship breakup.If you want some space by not talking about marriage.In conclusion I am really sorry for what you did when you get away without some sort of behavior can only go so far.

How To Get My Ex Back When He Has A New Girlfriend