#but i'm nit keeping track of that

[sunny-possum-pal]

Going to the gym in the same way people with neurotic herding breeds put their dogs on a slat mill a few times a week so they don't eat their house

[kenwio]

Joker's kid! reader : observations from the sidelines

Route: black fog

Warnings: grammar mistakes, bad writing, angst

Author's note: it was written in hectic conditions. Maybe in the future, I will rewrite it, but I struggle with finding time for anything aside from my studies right now. I'm sorry

Your days in manor went by slowly. All this time, you stayed away from the family of bats. Every time you tried to end up becoming another painful memory, and since it felt like you were the one messing things up, it was your responsibility to prevent things from becoming ugly.

The time of this intentional or not exclusion from made you give up all hope to try become part of them, the part of family. And as much as it was painful, you got used to it. It wasn't something you weren't used to. You had to deal with lots of pain before, maybe a different kind of pain, but still pain.

And you made peace with it. Well, that's what you were saying, trying to convince yourself that it's for the best, and yet the earning for belonging left deep ache in your heart, that sometimes was unbearable to handle. No matter how irrationally it was to expect something more from them, after they gave you a roof over your head, your room, safety and food, you still wanted the warmth that family share, that they all share. Why taking you in at all if they just placed you on a sideline? That question bothered you more than anything else. You couldn't understand that logic, the way they think, the way they act... function even. That's when you felt it, the curiosity, the willingness to learn. And if they placed you to the sideline, why not use it to your advantage. After all, the position you were in allowed you to observe. It would be a perfect position to study them, to find what made them tick, to see what they hold dear, to notice what they avoid. It could be your own since project, the study of almost dysfunctional family. In the meantime, you will also tend to a few of your own things...

One day, you just asked Alfred for a notebook and pen. It surprised me, but he brought them to you. You saw how sometimes while experimenting on you or with his venom your father took notes on various ripped pieces of paper, so you though note taking was essential for experimenting and observations, but since you had resources to use nit ripped papers but something nicer why not use it.

The first obstacle on your way was the fact that I struggled to write, which was essential for your note-taking. Well, you struggled to read, too. But you but knew words, quite a few actually, and you knew basics of writing and reading, you just wasn't trained enough. You decided to train yourself before you start observing everyone and keep an eye on Alfred in a mean time. He may be wary of you, and that's why he won't get close to you, but he helped you either way. He even showed you how to properly hold the pen. On one occasion, he saw you writing. You learned that Alfred was compassionate. He showed care even to you. You saw that even if he was in some sort like you, the character that stayed in the background, you noticed his role was much bigger than that. He had a really big role in this family. He was the one who did most care of the family. He kept track of everyone, their moods, their conditions. And, maybe because of this, he had so many skills that you couldn't keep track of them. He knew tastes and preferences of each and everyone, and it takes either professional or a really caring person for it. And you knew he was both. If only this care is applied to you.... on this, you ended your first observation notebook.

If Alfred was an emotional anchor that was essential for this family to function, Bruce was the sole reason why this family existed at all. But out of all of them, he was the most hard one to observe. He didn't give you time of his day at all. And it confused you. But given the history of taking unfortunate children in, you understood that maybe he took you in for this exact reason - you were unfortunate. And you knew another thing, your father was the bane of the Gotham existence. Given that Bruce was Batman, you figured that he took you in only to prevent you from going to darker path. He didn't need more villainas. He had too many to pay attention already. You don't know why, but taking notes about him was harder than anything.

Soon, your notebooks started filling up with your other notebooks. In each and everyone you wrote about their moral code, their desire for justice and their obsession. The obsession with crime fighting was in blood not only of Bruce but also each and every child of his.

Tim spends nights without sleep, solving cases nights on end. You noted in gray notebook.

Richard, soon you found out, was not only vigilante but a police officer in his city. You wrote in blue journal.

Jason was fighting everything that was wrong in his view. You noted in red notebook.

And Damian just fights everything, showing his despise for criminals. You mentioned in green one.

Ans as much as you hoped that you will only see that cold side of them, so that you could just move on. As much as you tried to concentrate on their crime fighting, while observing them, you knew it wasn't right. You saw other things.

"Alfred loved his family" - you wrote in a white notebook. It was the title for paragraph about things you noticed. Like little moments when he was alone in kitchen baking cookies that all family loved. The sound of light humming made the kitchen more welcoming

"Bruce kept his eye on his kids" - you observed. You noticed him taking some sort of note when he saw one morning that Damian didn't particularly enjoy his meal. You and him both took notes about family members... you wondered if he had notes about you.

"Dick was the one who was raising spirits up" - you concluded one day, when he came over, when Tim needed emotional support. You even caught him looking at you once, as if he was trying to gather strengths to talk to you

"Jason loves library" - you wrote in "Jason Tod likes". You were surprised to see how calm Jason can be when he was paying attention to his book and not something that aggravated him. This sight of him made you want to want to train read more

" TIm is helpful" - you scribbled in "Tim : personality". You also saw how Tim was quick to help others. Even if he went a few nights without a second of shut eye, he was willing to help others.

"Damian loves pets" - you noted one day when you saw Damian taking care of his pets, his dear Titus and Alfred the cat. You were so surprised to see him smiling

But these good sides of them, for you this side, were unreachable. You knew from previous experience that no matter how hard you tried, for you, it won't work. The pages of your plans on how to get along with them half written and covered in tear stains.

Their obsession with the criminal world made it impossible for you to be seen as an innocent human being.

But you also weren't as dangerous as a threat to be considered seriously.

After some time of thinking, you found a solution for your lonely situation... you began a new notebook.

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Thank you for reading! Feel free to let me know what you think about my work! Hope you have a good day

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[uselessmoonlight]

Imagine: you disguised yourself as a man on Odysseus' ship.

♡♡♡

♡♡♡

Content specs:

Hermes x reader, Circe x reader, entrapment?, kidnapping?, Hermes being a little shit, she/her pronouns, female reader, the word darling is abused, Eurylochus is an asshole.

I definitely wasn't inspired by Mulan...

Check the reblogs for a short continuation.

♡♡♡

You wanted to fight, you were strong, trained, strategic, and your father? He was well past his glory days. You could not, in your right mind, allow him to fight in this war, and you hadn't. For more than 10 years you'd kept your gender hidden as you fought bravely against the Trojans.

You kept a low profile, not wanting to catch any unwanted attention, you followed orders, you were ruthless on the battle field. In short you were the perfect soldier.

Then came the journey home. 10 years of war had wore you down, but you prevailed. Even when faced with the God of tides you were able to keep your identity hidden, but then came different circumstances.

You'd not gone with Eurylochus to scout out the island, having a few things to do on deck. Polites' death had left you with more tasks to complete, he used to be the one to keep track of the supplies. You missed him. You'd lost a friend and gained a shit ton of work on top of your own, one of which weighed heavier than the other.

♡♡♡

Having completed your work, you left the ship. The crew had docked at a beautiful island, it felt surprisingly serene. Your captain was only a few paces away, but clearly needed some space. The loss of the fleet weighed heavy on you, you couldn't imagine what he felt as their captain and king.

A flushed Eurylochus caught your attention. Odysseus questioned him and the answer of his state filled you with a strange sense of hope.

A woman.

You'd been at war, at sea, woth men who were not very respectful. You'd seen the atrocities done to the people who shared your gender, and had nit been able to do anything about it. But most of those men had been lost to the tides, the soldiers on Odysseus' ship were more respectful. Mainly because the captain's love for the queen allowed no room for misogyny, not on his ship.

"Not to insert myself, or speak ill of your plan, but perhaps I could speak to the witch." You interrupted their discussion.

"And what could you do to the witch, that the captain could not?" Eurylochus replied, accusingly. But the captain held up his hand, stopping the second in command from speaking any more.

"I believe she'd be more willing to hear out another woman."

"And what do you suggest we do? Dress up? Wait for one to magically fall out of the sky?"

"Shush, Eurylochus, let him speak." The captain intervened again.

"I am a woman. I'm surprised it took this long for my secret to be discovered." You state.

Odysseus smiled. "Polites was aware. He came to me about it. Concerned for your wellbeing if one of the crew members were to find out."

Your heart swelled and broke at the same time. Your greatest friend had kept the secret you weren't even aware he knew of. And so had your captain.

♡♡♡

Your captain insisted on escorting you to the palace, ready to step in if you needed him to. But an unexpected presence stopped the both of you in your tracks.

Hermes. A God you'd prayed to for safe travels, a God who'd heeded your prayers, a God who was here, in the flesh, offering a deal.

He'd help you, but dealing with Gods always came with a price. One you'd only find out if you won. How selfless.

"In the root of this flower, lies the power to take her on. Once you digest it, you'll be able to manifest a being of your creation, if you're creative enough. It'll only exist until the fight is over." The God explained. "Open up, darling, no time to waste." He said, putting his hand under her chin.

He placed the flower in her mouth and pressed it closed, swiping his thumb over her lower lip. "Chop chop, you haven't got all day." He said, giving her a lopsided smirk.

"Lady of the palace, sorry that I ask this..."

♡♡♡

The fight had gone in her favour, as had the negotiation. That was until Circe asked her: "Why would you risk your life to save these men?"

"I risk my life, not for these men, but for my captain who would not leave without them, and who has a wife and son waiting for him to return. There's nothing in this world that he wants more than the company of his beloved. I risk my life for my fallen comrades, one in particular, who's lives I do not want to end in vain. If they cannot return, they must do so for them. I risk my life, as I've nothing left to return to and I would welcome death with open arms. So I beg you, Circe, let these men free."

"I will let those men free, and I offer one thing more. Stay. You've nothing to return to, so why suffer trying to get to a home that's no longer yours. Why suffer the wrath of Poseidon for a wrongdoing not of your own? Stay with me and my nymphs, we will treat you well. You'll no longer have to fear a man's selfishness."

"No can do little witch, she's made a deal with me. Isn't that right, darling." A familiar, but unexpected voice interrupted.

"Hermes, so you're the one who aided her? I should've known." Circe mused. "Very well, but if you are ever free of this deal, know you are welcome here, love." The witch almost purred.

"May I say goodbye to my captain?" You asked the messenger God.

"I'm feeling generous today, let's go say bye to my great grandson." He replied, picking her up, and flying her outside.

♡♡♡

"This is entirely unnecessary, my feet work perfectly fine, please put me down, and oh my Gods that's high up." You hid your face in the crook of his neck, feeling the vibrations from his laughter.

"You can look, were almost on solid ground, darling."

"Before I say goodbye, what exactly does this deal entail?"

He smirked at her. "Their freedom cost you yours, but don't worry darling, I'll treat you nicely, and I won't turn you into a pig."

And as she looked at the beautiful man, she did not think this deal was a bad one.

[wintrsfell]

This weather's bringing it all back again

Headlock masterlist

Next chapter

Main masterlist

Synopsis: After five years away from Winterfell, the reader returns to serve on Cregan's council. Old rivalries and new feelings arise.

Pairings: Cregan Stark & AFAB!Hornwood!Reader

Word count: 1813

Warnings: Mentions of the death of a parent, the fic will have mature themes in later chapters

Notes: I haven't written anything in like five years, but the Stark men have me in such a chokehold that I simply couldn't help myself. I've completely forgotten how tumblr works so if anyone actually reads this just bear with me. The reader is described using she/her pronouns throughout the story, and I tried to use as few descriptors about appearance as possible, but I'm out of training so there might be some slip ups. Also do the Lord Paramounts have councils? Probably not! But they do here- for the plot. This chapter is mostly set up for the story. Feel free to sends asks with promts for drabbles or just to rant about the Stark men<3

The cold carries from the frozen lands beyond The Wall, past the Last Hearth and the Long Lake, and in through the gates of Winterfell- seemingly only to make her shiver as she steps off her horse. The ground is slick with ice beneath her boots as she unsteadily regains her footing. Gazing upon the keep that had once been her home, been as familiar as her reflection in the mirror and the lines in her palm, she feels the same sort of unsteadiness.

Five years is both a short and an insufferably long time to be away from home, and one might return to find that perhaps they never belonged there at all. The two people she had once so staunchly associated with Winterfell's warmth were long gone- Lord Rickon Stark several years ago now, and her father just a few moons ago. Their absence settles over her like a rain-soaked cloak, heavy and uncomfortable. Swallowing past the lump forming in her throat seems to take considerable effort.

Still, some things never change. Lord Cerwyn- Cley, a dear childhood companion, still resides here, serving on the Warden of the North's council. And then there was the Lord of Winterfell himself, not as dear, but no less familiar. Their childhoods had been spent running through the Wolfswood, looking for ghosts in the crypts, and continuously interrupting their fathers' council meetings. Things have a way of coming around full-circle, she muses quietly as she smiles warmly at the stablehand coming to take the reins of her horse.

She steps further into the courtyard, and at the same time, a familiar face comes barging through the doors leading out of the keep. Cley is taller, a badly grown beard covering his jaw, but still very much himself. The stupid grin on his face and the ever smiling-eyes she knows so well barely have time to register before she is swept up in a hug, strong arms banding around her. She should protest, give some admonishment about propriety- as she had done so often in their youths, but she cannot find it in herself to do so. There is comfort in the familiar.

Cley's voice is warm as he speaks her name, not her title, and it makes warmth bloom in her chest. When was the last time she had been just herself, not a lady or an older sister? Moons ago, long before her father passed. Perhaps not even since she left Winterfell all those years ago. The chill of the northern air seems to seep into her bones the moment Cley steps back, but the smile on her face remains. Her voice is warm despite the strain of disuse after the several hour ride here, though dry as her eyes fall upon the smiling visage of her friend. "The years passed have made you no more concerned with propriety, I gather?"

She can't help herself. Being back at Winterfell feels like being a child again, with all the nit-picky behaviours she had long grown out of coming back in a rush.

The smile that threatens to break out on her face at Cley's eye roll is stopped dead in its tracks by the quiet scoff coming from behind them, barely audible over the rushing of the wind. Neck stretched to peer past Cley's shoulder, her cheeks heat as they land on the familiar form of Cregan Stark. Or rather, the quite unfamiliar form wearing her childhood rival's face.

A man stands in the place of the boy she once knew. Taller, broader, somehow even more stern than the insufferably serious child that he had once been. How Cley considered Cregan to be one of his closest friends, she would never understand. The boy had never smiled, and she doubts that the man is any cheerier. He stands a few paces back, thick arms crossed over a broad chest as his grey eyes flicker across her visage, seeming to take her in just as she is doing to him. Had she still been an immature child, she may have thought that he was sizing her up, but she knew better. The lord of Winterfell had far better things to spend his time on than holding on to old grudges. Still, the scoff that fell from his lips makes irritation creep up her spine, her mouth pressed into a thin line.

Quickly schooling her features into something politely neutral, she straightens up, taking a step towards the imposing warden of the North. Imposing? When had she ever been afraid of Cregan Stark?

“Lord Stark,” the words come out cool, a stark contrast to the warmth that had seeped into her tone as she greeted their common friend. She tries to sound polite, but it is stilted, unnatural to speak his title so deferentially instead of sighing his given name in annoyance.

“My lady,” his voice is a low rumble, both steadier and more neutral than hers. She wonders if she’s imagining his slightly raised eyebrow, or the way he sounds almost pleased at having outdone her at yet another thing. It is impossible to tell through his stoic facade, but another wave of irritation washes over her anyways. She hides it better this time. 

Lord Cerwyn’s eyes flicker between his childhood friends, amusement poorly concealed in their depths. Deciding to take pity on the two of them, he steps forward, gesturing towards the keep. His tone holds a note of exaggerated cheerfulness. “It is good to have you back, my lady. Let’s get you out of this cold.”

She does not feel cold, in fact the irritation running through her makes her feel too warm, but she complies anyways. Cregan does too, though she can feel the side of her face prickling under his intense gaze. Why must he always look at her like that?

The silence that falls between them is tense, but as usual, Cley does not even seem to notice. He walks ahead of them, forcing Cregan’s broad shoulder to brush against hers as they step through the doors. She jumps involuntarily at the contact, and Cregan lets out a breath that sounds suspiciously like a huff of laughter. The warm air that greets them upon stepping inside should feel like a welcome reprieve from the chill, but it only serves to make her face heat further in agitation. This is not going how it was supposed to. 

She was supposed to come back to Winterfell, graciously greet Cregan, and be the bigger person. The council would be impressed by her insight, and she would barely have to speak with him outside of the meetings. Yet he was there the moment she arrived, and all she seems to have accomplished is getting irrationally irritated by a man she has not seen in five years. She recognises the foolishness of it, the immaturity of it, but she cannot help it. It is as if she has stepped out of the real world, the one where she is responsible and mature, and right back into her childhood, where the biggest problem was how the heir to Winterfell always seemed to answer correctly just slightly more often than she did when Maester Kennet asked his questions.

The measured tone of Cregan Stark brings her out of her brooding, “Your brother could not fill the seat on the council, my lady?” 

To her, it sounds like a challenge. He knows perfectly well that her brother is young, and has only recently become Lord of Hornwood. He cannot leave their ancestral seat without first having established his rule- learned the ropes, so to speak. What advice could a boy of three-and-ten possibly give the Lord of Winterfell, anyways? Yet she resists the urge to snap at him, instead keeping her gaze firmly locked on the corridor in front of them. Equally measured, she replies only, “He is needed at Hornwood. I am not.”

There is a long moment of silence, filled only by the sound of boots against stone. It echoes between the stone walls, and despite herself, she grows restless at Cregan’s lack of response. Has he truly nothing to say?

It comes finally, though it makes her no less agitated. “It is uncommon for a young lady to serve on the council. Especially one that is not head of her house,” the implications of his words hang heavy between them. Is he saying that he does not think she should fill the seat on behalf of her house? If that is the case, as Lord of Winterfell, he would have the power to send her home. Is he testing her, or simply conveying his disapproval at her presence?

She manages to keep her expression neutral, nearly relaxed, and feels a flicker of satisfaction at showing no reaction. She was not so easily thrown off balance as a grown woman as she had been when she was a girl. One shoulder lifting into a light shrug, she replies evenly, “Aye, I suppose so. Is that a problem, Lord Stark?”

His brows furrow together in his signature frown as he regards her quietly, eyes intense as they search her face. His expression remains unreadable as he measures his words, considering his response. Once again, the prolonged silence makes her want to squirm. At last, only as they reach her chambers, does his deep voice come, echoing her manner of speaking. 

“No, I suppose not.” 

She only nods, not wanting to be the first to put their foot in their mouth in this careful game of drawn out silences and measured responses. Taking a step towards the door, she realises suddenly that this is the same chamber she had occupied in her childhood, and the wave of nostalgia that washes over her nearly makes her knees buckle. It is so achingly familiar. The chambers, the winding halls of Winterfell, Cley’s poorly concealed amusement at everything, even Cregan’s thinly veiled challenges- it all feels like yesterday. It brings forth a confusing blend of pain and warmth.

Cley does not notice, only cheerily informing her when supper is to be held, before taking off down the hall. Only Cregan remains, looking at her for a long moment, a line forming between his brows. He stares at her so intently, eyes boring into hers as if he is trying to solve some difficult sum. She opens her mouth to say something, only to realise that she has no idea what. There is no time to feel awkward about it, for Cregan only offers her a nod before turning on his heel and walking briskly in the direction that Cley disappeared. 

She swallows hard, looking at the spot he had stood for far longer than she should. She tells herself that the way her heart is fluttering rapidly within her ribcage has nothing to do with the way Cregan Stark just looked at her.

[thimbleandakiss]

I'll Take Care of You

Reader x Pit-Fighter!Vi

Summary: You find Vi wasted in a bar after the Pits. It's been almost a decade since you were the unofficial medic of your little group, but that doesn't mean you care about her any less.

Content: alcohol, fluff, angst, and cursing

Cross-posted on Ao3

Playlist used to write

Fuck, she is so drunk

You watch from a little ways off to the side as an obviously over-inebriated Vi half-slumps over the bar and orders another round. Your nose wrinkles in disgust as the mug is slammed before her. Nit at Vi, no, at the bartender for agreeing to serve her. 

Can't he see she's had enough?

Well, enough is enough, you decide, and wade the short distance through the crowd until you're beside her, nothing but quiet concern etched on your face. 

"Who the fuck are you?" She slurs; her wrapped hand clenched tight around her wooden mug. 

You smile tightly, your chest aching at her appearance. The oily, smeared makeup; the shitty, charcoal-esque hair dye that turned all but the very tips of her hair from dark pink to black.

"Oh, Vi..." You murmur softly, "Are you really so drunk you can't even recognize me?"

Vi's hand goes slack against her drink and her eyes snap to you, wide, wild, even. She recognizes you, alright, but she almost seems... scared of it. Of you.

"No..." She breathes, shaking her head as if to clear it, then clutching at it as her world tilts around her. "No, you're... you're not real. You can't be real."

Your heart breaks all over again. You know you should've found her sooner, but... she was difficult to track, always just too far ahead. So, when the rumors you'd been chasing after centralized to the pits, you'd come running. 

Doing your best to maintain eye contact, you subtly slide the mug of alcohol away from Vi, and she's so damn out of it, she doesn't even notice.

"I'm real, Vi," you assure her, repeating her name in the hopes thar will somehow jar her enough to believe you. "And it's time to go home."

You're being gentle with her. You always had been. Back when you were all kids, and your biggest worry had been pissing off Vander. Back when your major concern has been patching them (mostly Vi) up after getting into fights. 

Vi vehemently shakes her head again, rambling nonsense you can barely understand, and shoves herself away from the bar. 

She makes it all of about three stumbling steps before she's careening towards the floor. 

You dash forward, ducking under her arm and bearing most of her weight on our shoulders. You grunt when she lands, your legs suddenly straining to keep you both upright. 

She's... heavy, to put it kindly. Far heavier than you remember her being. Granted, she'd visibly gained plenty of muscle since the last time you'd had to help her walk, both barely fifteen. 

You decide to play her game. "If you're so convinced I'm not real, then there's no harm in letting me take you home, is there?"

You've already spoken to Loris. You know where it is. 

Vi scowls, grumbling complaints, but ultimately doesn't argue, only sagging further against your shoulders. 

Her little one-room apartment isn't far, but the trek is harrowing with a half-conscious, volatile, drunk pit-fighter depending entirely on you for support. 

You didn't believe your heart could hurt for her any more than it already does, until you open the door she hadn't bothered to lock and see the state of her living space. 

Her sheets are splotchy and stained. Liquor bottles of varying states of fullness and other garbage litters the ground. Several holes have been punched into the walls. Her mirror is shattered. 

You blink, and determinedly push into the room, carefully lowering Vi onto her bed. Part of you feels guilty that you can't change her sheets first, but there isn't time for that. Besides, you doubt she has clean replacements anywhere nearby. 

Leaning over her, you fold her singular, pitifully flat pillow in half and gently prop her head on it. You catch her eye. She's staring at you like she's watching a ghost, and you can see the unfathomable guilt and sadness she carries hidden behind her grey-blue eyes. 

You give her a soft, reassuring smile, unable to resist the urge to smooth a hand over her head before grabbing a bowl, filling it with water from the sink, and picking up the cleanest-looking cloth you can find. 

"Wadderyou doin'?" You're mildly surprised to hear Vi's mumble from the bed. You thought surely she'd be passed out by now. 

"Shh," you soothe, coming to sit beside her, the mattress groaning and dipping beneath your added weight, "I'm going to take care of you."

You dip the cloth into the bowl of water and use the soaked fabric to gently wipe off her makeup. 

She doesn't protest the way you expect her to. She just lays back and watches you, brows pinched together. It's only when you make a swipe on her left cheek, uncovering a VI tattoo on her cheekbone, does she speak. 

"I left you," she mutters, and though it sounds more sober, that only makes the self-loathing in her voice all the more evident. 

"You didn't mean to," you reply gently, rinsing the cloth off in the bowl before returning it to her face. 

You'd heard enough whispers on the street to know she'd been stuck in jail for nearly a decade. And you didn't blame her for choosing to go after her sister instead of immediately finding you. That's just who Vi is. Her commitment to her family is one of the things you love most about her. 

By the time you've finished washing her up, the water in the bowl is a murky grey. As you lean over to place it on the dresser, Vi catches your wrist, preventing you from moving away. 

"...Do you hate me?" The question catches you so off-guard, you nearly drop the bowl of water. 

It's something she'd only dare to ask from the bottom of a bottle. 

Looking back at her, you think that maybe, you can afford to be just a little selfish. The likelihood of her remembering this moment is slim to none, anyway. 

You lean forward and press a kiss to her forehead. "No, I don't hate you. I never have, and I never will. Now, get some sleep, Vi. I'll be here in the morning."

She's unconscious before you even finish speaking. 

A/N:

I really love this concept and might do a part 2 of the next morning, where reader helps Vi nurse her hangover.

Do you think we could throw Cait out the window just for the sake of this fic if I do make a part 2? 👀

[thejackalxi]

Watching "Kahmunrah Rides Again" for the FIRST TIME like...

(Final thoughts and disclaimers at the end, so hold all questions and comments for the end, please. For all my rantings and ravings, I do take a breath and anaylize this fairly and even have my own epiphany.)

Seeing "Kahmunrah Coming Soon" poster made me laugh like the immature boy that I am.

The voice acting is not great. No one sounds even remotely like the original actors, including the way they speak, their natural flow and line delivery doesnt feel beliavble, except for the Ricky Gervais sound-alike who actually was pretty close.

Worse than the voice acting is the dialogue itself. The writing is atrocious!

The scenes with Larry and Nick felt genuine and were actually written pretty nice, immediately followed up with a terrible clunky scene with Larry and his ex-wife.

Inconsistancies ABOUND! There's no Rebel Wilson character and Dr. McPhee doesn't know about the museum coming to life, and with the inclusion of Laa, yes, the script confirms that this takes place after the events of the 3rd film.

The candy bar scene got a chuckle out of me before the badly out of sync Teddy Roosevelt jumpscare. The animation itself is not...awful, that one shot just was sync'd weird.

Seriously, the scenes of Nick sharing dialogue with his dad are the best written bits, it's like being able to come up for air while otherwise drowning in a sea of stupid. I actually got a small chuckle out the Tokyo bathroom joke.

I really hate that Kahmunrah doesn't have his speech impediment...and looks nothing like Hank in NATM2.

WH-what is this voice he's doing? It's super inconsistant. He has an accent, then he doesn't have an accent, his voice is all over the place. At this point I'm completely convinced there was little to no vocal direction and Disney execs didn't care, they just wanted the tracks recorded and mixed by the end of the week. "This is all so bad."

"Ohh, it IS bad, and DON'T interupt me!" The movie is aware, heard my critique, and agrees 🤣 This was the hardest laugh I got out of watching this thing so far...

I HATE HATE HATE this writing and the line delivery *screams into hands, and notices there's still 50 minutes left to watch* Gotta keep going...maybe it gets better??

Personal nit pick, but if my handsome beefcake daddy Kah with massive biceps has superstrength in this cartoon pushing over a whole ass stone column, what sick character designer gave him pool noodle arms??? I mean, are you for real??? LOOK AT THOSE THICK TREETRUNKS, MAN! What sick monster drew him in this cartoon- whatever, it's fine. It's fine. It's just a cartoon, it's fine.

No, it's not fine! Listen! Kahmunrah's entire design in this animated movie is offensive and it deeply bothers me, I recognize that it shouldn't bother me, but it does, and it's wrong and I don't like it...Ill tell ya how I really feel, I don't particularly care for this cartoon....*takes a breath* Moving on...

Ugh...and the poster of Merenkare looks NOTHING like Ben Kingsley either *sigh* Im kind of glad Ahkmenrah is M.I.a. from this film because I'm sure the character designer knew they couldn't replicate Rami Malek's angelic beauty and perfectly capture his face, so they just didnt bother.

stop...this dialogue is so unfunny and delivered so baddddd *cries*

"Technically he was never a pharaoh because [insert badly written quick exposition]" FALSE!! First of all, Teddy, you weren't there, so shut your goddam moustachio'd mouth. Second, if the writer of this thing had watched ANY of the movies or done any research into this franchise (they clearly didn't, who am I kidding), Kahmunrah WAS passed over and the throne given to his little brother Ahkmenrah who, after only a year on the throne, was violently murdered by Kahmunrah and reclaimed his rightful place on the throne for 17 years before he passed. Did anyone on this production think to ask the original writers or Shawn Levy for creative consultation? Of course not, because it's Night at the Museum now owned by Disney, they don't care to fact check...or even glabce at the original source material 😒 (Turns out yes, they did and they just forgot their own established canon. Don't you be tryin to take away my man's title of Pharaoh, how very dare!)

Yet, they included Joan of Arc who appeared in a NATM spin off junior novel following Nick. Kinda disappointed she's not voiced by Nicole Sullivan 🤣 jk, this actress is good for Joan, Im just a sucker for Clone High.

"Let's dance." Kahmunrah draws khopesh (hot)

"No dancing, just swords." Joan replies. I actually giggled, that was cute, until,

"Silly girl, that was a metaphor! A metaphor is not literal-"

Dammit movie!! Stop killing your own jokes by pointing out why the joke is meant to be funny! Stop! Let me just TRY to have a laugh! This dialogue is just bad. Please don't follow up your jokes with, "See, that's funny BECAUSE-" Stop! We get the joke, it's annoying! I get they were trying to match the improv comedy tone of NATM, but they failed so hard doing so!

*Kahmunrah talks more*

BRO, PICK A VOICE! PICK JUST A SINGLE TONE, PICK A LANE! PICK ONE ACCENT AND STICK WITH IT! One minute you sound like if Hank Azaria was on ALL of the drugs, a Mark Hamill's Joker-esque tone, then you sound insanely British, now you have an American accent, some sort of demented gremlin voice, and now sound like Jafar?? PICK A VOICE, MAN!! And of all these voices, still no teeth lisp. A crime.

"Don't eat me, or this will be a very short movie!" Please do, a fourth wall joke doesn't work for Kahmunrah, that really should be Teddy Roosevelt's shtick.

Also REALLY bothers me that they made Jedediah a freckled red head.

"Let gho of me you Phillestines!" And now Kahmunrah is Mark Hamill? Why...did he deliver that line like the Joker?

"I need backup, the ULTIMATE backup." Now he's what, Haas Delgado? What are these vocal choices his actor is doing?

Also, not the voice actors fault here, but why is Kahmunrah's khopesh sheethed in the back inside his tunic like that? Is his blade nestled in his ass crack? 😂 Why animators did you make such a terrible choice??? He could've had a sheath at his hip, but...why in the back like this???

There's still 40 minutes left, HOW???

And again, just when I feel like we've settled into an American scary guy voice for Kah, he slips into the Joker again. brah....brah...come on.

Seth's accent isn't very tight or consistant either, but I'm so exhausted by the insanity of Kahmunrah's vocal deliveries to really care. Speaking of which, he alives a Scorpion statue and his voice COMPLETELY changes tone and delivery style... again. I know I could just stop watching, but Ive made a comittment to see it through.

"Is it really bad?..." Teddy asks, Nick and I happen to say at the same time, "Yeah, it's still really bad." (Though we're clearly not talking about the same thing) 😂

Seriously, the khopesh is like RIGHT down the crack of his ass!!

"I smell Kahmunrah's musk-" YOU SMELL WHAT?! You know his SCENT?

"Fire burn." "I know the feeling." DAMMIT JOAN! 🤣 Ya got me on that one.

Aw, this scene building Nick up, this was nice. A breath of air before Im sure it goes back to shit quickly...

A fart joke, yup. Sadly I was right.

Yup, and then the movie reminds us that Robin Williams would've had a funny improv bit as Teddy, except it would be actually funny and naturally paced, and the other characters would be chuckling and trying not to bust up laughing, and not a phoned-in unfunny delivery like it is here in this cartoon where the characters are annoyed and critisize Teddy's reminiscing. I miss Robin so much. He was such a light on this world.

"We have an hour left before sunrise, come on!" Well, once again the franchise doesn't seem to understand how short an hour actually is. You're two hours deep into Ancient Egypt, you still have to stop Kahmunrah, leave the portal, get through the Art Museum, back on the Subway to get to the Natural History Museum...all in the span of an hour...Sure (Yes, they find a way to get home in time, that's the point, I know).

Jedediah shouts, "Don't forget to swallow!" I have died!

"Once I insert my tablet into the sarcophagus-" ...*slowly raises eyebrow* Once you insert WHAT now??? "My army will RISE!" ...sir... I hate your voice, I despise so much of the dialogue throughout this movie, but THAT line *slow clap* truly a masterpiece, *chef's kiss* Thank you to whomever wrote that line for me.

"We can't let that bully win." "Bully!....I mean, yes I agree." Oh now with less than 20 minutes I'm mildly enjoying myself.

And the "heiroglyph" of the 2nd chord to the combination in the MIDDLE of the tablet looks like :===

This cartoon has turned SUPER innuendo-y all of a sudden 🤣

HELL YEAH! A jackal army is WAY COOLER a birdmen army in my personal opinion. Damn, if only the voice actor had actually tried to sound like Hank (or if the vocal director didn't at his job) and Kahmunrah's design wasn't so awkward, I'd say that's insanely hot...Imagining Hank Azaria's Kahmunrah commanding a muscled canine-man army is one of the sexiest sounding things I could imagine...too bad it only exsists in this cartoon without Hank and not live action WITH Hank (obviously) 🥲

"Yes, my minions, ATTACK!" Now, imagine that line said in a commanding English accent and a forward lisp, while pointing with a big muscular arm....HOT!

UGHHH Why...why was he drAWN WITH STICK ARMS? *personal breakdown for the hundredth time watching this hour and 10 minute cartoon movie*

"Fine, then leave Son of Larry..."draws sword, "to me!" delivered in what I can only describe as freaky goblin voice. Why...? This...this would be so sexy, except everything is wrong.

That's it, I'm transcribing every bit of his dialogue and recording what he SHOULD sound like, and y'all will agree, they should've brought Hank back for this!

This weird goblin voice...this is the voice he's settled on now I guess, er...nope, nope, apparently we're going back to sounding like Jafar. Good god, just let this movie end.

They're using a poster of the natural history museum to get back while they're in a painting at another museum...I don't think that's how that would work, but I don't...I don't care, I want this to just be over.

Teddy, why are you not freezing with Texas-? Augh, who cares?

So Shawn Levy AND Chris Columbus produced this??? How much of a hand did they really have in this, because it was a nightmare.

*Does some Googling*...The AUTHOR of the original Night at the Museum children's book that the franchise is based on was one of the screenwriters? Did NOT see that one coming!

All in all, this movie got a few chuckles out of me, and the plot is pretty much a re-skinned version of Night at the Museum 2 Battle for the Smithsonian. It's not a bad concept, just a little weak as a final installment to the franchise.

My biggest issues come from the predominantly awkward dialogue, the joke murdering, granted it's hard to translate that vibe and live action comedic improv that leans more mature into a cartoon movie for a younger audience. The writers were bound to their screenplay and didnt have the luxury of improvizational comedy gold from the likes of the original NATM cast. With what they were constrained to, they tried their best, sometimes jokes worked, but most of the time it just didn't.

Some of the character designs were wonky, but I didn't mind the art style itself, Im just nit picky about the choices in Kahmunrah's design and his overall color palette.

But above all, the voice acting was ROUGH in places! Some performances were great, Joan was solid, Jed surprised me in the end when he finally started to sound like Owen Wilson, the Ricky Gervais sound-alike was decent enough, and Joshua Bassett as Nick was pretty decent as well, but Teddy Roosevelt, do I need to say it? No one will ever be Robin Williams, but Disney could've found a sound-alike.

And FINALLY, my guy, Mr. Joseph Kamal...what were you doin, man?

I mean, I tried to keep an open mind, and I am all for a voice actor putting their own spin on a character performance, but my man, this was not good, and I'm really disappointed.

*RESEARCHES Kamal's IMDB page* SOooo, in...SOME fairness, this was only his 2nd ever voice acting/voice over role. He's only ever done minor acting roles in serious television dramas or soap operas.

That being said, as a freelance voice over artist and voice actor, voice acting is NOT easy, especially when you have BIG BIG BIGGG shoes to fill from long time crazy-talented voice actor Hank Azaria. I just think Kamal was simply miscast into a role that was too much for him to take on. And I also blame whoever was in charge of vocal direction. Sometimes for voice actors, without a strong director, in a big vocal performance, the choices made in a delivery are too vast, like throwing darts into the universe while blind folded. You just kinda throw a variety of deliveries out there and ultimately it's up to the director and the editor which takes to go with.

Maybe that was it! Kamal did multiple deliveries of lines with varying styles because again, lack of strong direction, and the editor ultimately just threw these unfitting takes together making Kahmunrah sound batshit insane in not a good or well executed way...I wanna give this guy the benefit of the doubt.

3/10 There were ideas here, but this movie was painful to get through.

[beevean]

I definitely agree that most of the 3D games should get a remaster and release on the newer systems. It would definitely be a lot more accessible to a lot more people.

However, I don't believe LoS should be remastered. Rereleased on newer systems, yes, remastered, no. They hold up very well as they are, and the changes I can think of, are very small nit-picks. But these games were also very Ambitious for their time, and I'm worried if they tried to remaster the games (or even remake them), they would be incredibly taxing on most systems. Hell, Darksiders 3, a game made for PS4 and Switch and up, is an incredibly laggy game on the Switch.

But, given the current track record with Konami not even acknowledging that LoS exists, nor do any collaboration partners, the chances of LoS even having a chance of being rereleased alongside games like CoD or LoI, or any of the N64 games, is probably slim to none. Which I don't mind, I'm glad to see there is a chance for the older games to shine!

Well, re-releasing with some perks is pretty much what Konami has been doing with all games so far, such as retranslating (badly lol) the DS games and keeping a menu of the DSS cards in CoTM (game just went from a 2/10 to a 3/10). While LoI and CoD are in the right age range of games getting remastered, like Silent Hill and Resident Evil, yeah I don't think games of the Xbox 360/PS3 era need a whole rehaul yet.

... I do fear sometimes that a remake of the PS2 games wouldn't Get Them. What if they tune down Isaac's slay factor. What's the point of playing CoD then 😭

Never say never though! For example, Capcom is trying so hard to even consider the possibility of an Ace Attorney 7, when AA6 came out in 2016, that they ended up finally releasing to the West a DS spinoff game that came out in 2011! Maybe Konami will suddenly remember LoS once they run out of games to port :P

[batmansblushofrobins]

Ninth House

I know this isn't goodreads, but...

I just finished reading the Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo and I have many disorganized thoughts and nowhere to put them. I'll give it a tentative 3.7 stars, but I would be hard-pressed to put a 1-5 rating on it that would be satisfying and completely truthful. I should also say that I will be discussing the sensitive topics that are present in the book; take a look at its trigger warnings. SPOILERS AHEAD.

So, I went into this book knowing practically nothing besides what was on the back cover and having read the Six of Crows duology by the same author a couple years ago (which I loved). Not knowing anything couldn't really be that bad, right? I love dark, gory, and horrific themes, and I am not bothered by many things I come across. I've read Red Dragon; my favourite book is Vicious. HOWEVER. The casual pedophilia thrown in absolutely jump-scared me. I'm not even talking about the graphic rape scene(s), which is a whole other thing and were various degrees of unnecessary, but about the ghost standing outside the school just mentioned in passing. I had to reread that twice over to make sure I was understanding properly that yes, that's what Bardugo means and my brain isn't playing tricks on me. It felt random, was very shocking, and it completely took me out of the immersion that I was only just starting to feel. I was still considering quitting 200 pages in because of how the rape was handled.

With the amount of gratuitous dark things thrown in this book (especially the first half), it felt like she was trying to say, "Look, I'm writing adult fiction now! I can say anything!" But the fact is that this is her adult debut and that she is already an established, famous YA author. That really makes me think she should have some warning at the front about the book containing more dark/disturbing content than the Grishaverse. For example, this one by Alice Oseman: "Please also note that Solitaire is a much darker, more graphic, more serious book than the Heartstopper series, and may not be suitable for all readers who have enjoyed Heartstopper." Teenagers (or adults) will inevitably stumble upon Ninth House after reading Bardugo's other works and not know what they are getting into. I certainly didn't. Would I still have picked this book up? Yes, but at least I would've been mentally prepared. Perhaps I brought all of this upon myself by not doing any research into the book beforehand, but I've never had a problem with that before.

Besides all of that, it took me an inordinate time to get through the first 120 or so pages. It felt slow, it was confusing and hard to keep track of despite not much actually happening, and I didn't feel very invested in the world or its (at that point) limited cast of characters.

Why, you may ask, would I possibly rate this book so high? Because it got good. And I mean really good. It became exactly the type of book I enjoy. For starters, the word choice is incredible. Once I got oriented within the world and the plot started moving along, I could appreciate how wonderful it sounded. I read the line, "She saw spots on the concrete, black stars blooming in lichen clusters on the stairs. Her blood, dripping from her lips," and knew from that point on I wanted to finish the book, if only so I could read more lines like that. Overall, I loved Turner's character, I loved Alex's growing connection with Dawes, and I loved that during the winter, Darlington was hanging over the narrative despite being gone. The reminders of Vicious (the non-linear storytelling, murder, moral-greyness in the MC, unique magic powers, etc) made me soldier on, and I'm so glad that I did. If it hadn't been for the rocky beginning and shock-factor, then I would probably have rated this at least four stars.

My only remaining nit-pick is that the naming conventions could have been better. I never read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, but I wish three of eight societies didn't follow the same title format--Skull and Bones, Scroll and Key, Book and Snake. (And why do the names Alina/Alex and Darkling/Darlington sound so similar? I don't know how to feel about that. It can't be accidental.) It was hard to care which House did what, when, since some of the Houses were nearly interchangeable. I also disliked that the evidence linking each society to Tara's murder was listed many times in rapid succession, so by the time the evidence was literally outlined on the whiteboard it already felt repetitive. I loved the line near the end of the book where Alex thought maybe they should be jackals rather than shepherds. It was really powerful, though "we are the shepherds" was repeated a few too many times to the point where it lost some of the impact it could've had. Back to the Houses of the Veil names, I do like the nicknames of the society members (Bonesmen, Lettermen, etc), and the names of other Houses like Aurelian.

If you read this review without having read the book, then I want to say this: if you like books with a murder mystery, paranormal activity, a college setting, and have the patience to get through a slow beginning, then you should definitely read this book! This review really highlights the negatives because I needed to rant somewhere, but I promise the book is worth it as long as you know what you're getting into. I will be reading the sequel as soon as I get my hands on it.

[importantdestinydefendor]

My Death Mark OC is done!

This is Hagihara Rina. She is a very timid and shy person.

A small profile:

Age: between 35-40

Height: 5'4 (162 cm)

Weight: 119lbs (54 kilos)

Occupation: part-time florist at "Myazakis Flowerfield"

She is the middle child of three children. Her older sister is called Nao, and her younger brother is called Yasu. Her parents are called Hagihara Toshiro (her dad) and Okabe Kaori (her mom). They have been divorced since Rina was an early teenager. Her father left with Yasu, and Rina and Nao were homeschooled since then.

She loves to nit, sew, and everything like that. Takes care of some specific flowers in the shop (for example: she grows her own daffodils). She has worked at the flower shop since she was a teenager. The owners of the shop are the elderly couple Daichi and Jun Myazaki, and they act as her adoptive grandparents. Her favourite colour is anything between pink and red and her favourite flower is the daffodil.

Uuuuuuh I think that is all I wanna say for now?? Since I actually plan to write a fanfiction for her (not in the scale as Firelight AU is turning out to be). So there is not much backstory I can give here except for the divorce part. Finally, I have a character that doesn't have a green/grey/brown/blue-palette! I am not the biggest fan of pink or red personally, but I wanted to draw a character with pink being their primary colour for sooo looong! And I actually finally have one! WOOOOO!

Also I made up her weight based off of my own height and weight ratio + taking in her current mental state (which is just a shit show) and converted it from cm to pound. I wanted to compare it to Yashikis weigth and hoo boy! His weight doesn't really match his height (he weighs around 137lbs (62 kg)) which is as much as I do in real life! And I am tiny comapred to him! (He is 5'11 (180 cm) while I'm 5'3 (162 cm)) So that took a few years of my life. But that just shows how good his character design is as you can really see his lankiness. (And I'm getting off track, this is about my OC not Yashiki. Move over, old man!)

ANYWAY! Tell me what you think in the comments! (Close ups under keep reading)

[hey-hey-j]

so today we've made it to How to Train Your Dragon 2 and..... IDK it's better than Hidden World? It's not actively terrible but it's still a dreadfully bland, boring movie with none of the soul of the original.

for a movie that banks its entire premise around Hiccup reuniting with his long-lost mother, Valka sure feels like an afterthought to her own narrative. She's Hiccup's mom, and.... really, it doesn't feel like the writers put much thought into her beyond that. She's not really integrated into the plot that well, either—every scene she's in feels so detached from the main Drago conflict that you forget that plot is happening in the first place, and it doesn't help that the movie itself forgets to make her relevant by the third act. What does Valka do in the story after Stoick dies? I couldn't tell you, the movie doesn't seem interested in her beyond that scene! And it sucks because there are interesting directions they could've taken Valka, it just feels like the movie chose to play it safe and keep her boring.

(and like, I'm nit-picking here but I really don't like Valka's character design either the first movie promised me a burly mountain of a woman and now you present me with this waif?? This is a woman who has wrestled with dragons for 20 years where are her gains??? Where are her scars??? Why does she look 20 years younger in Hidden World I'm getting off track)

where was I. I wanted to say something about Drago uuhhhh..... I don't think he's that interesting of a villain actually he's kinda boring and one-dimensional and I don't think the movie's theme of "good dragons controlled by bad people do bad things" really works when the first movie had the Green Death as its final boss but whatever, we already know the sequels have no respect for the original.

I'm running out of things to say I'm just gonna conclude by saying that For the Dancing and the Dreaming is the only genuinely good thing to come out of this movie it's sweet I like it

[lestappenforever]

Am I still shaking? Yes. Is this my dream podium? Also yes. But here’s my post race analysis since it’s Half time in the Premier League and I’m still nervous (this time for Arsenal)

Aston Martin is in a mixed state. At one hand, Alonso’s crash cost him, and the team the race, but on the other, Lance did do everything he could to finish in the points. And it was such a solid performance from both, but due to Nando’s pit start, he wasn’t able to get them points

Mercedes are starting to look better. Is it a major jump? No, but they were both able to overtake, and slowly getting there

Haas are a midfield team we have to consider no matter what. Nico with an EPIC drive, just shirt if points and Kevin making up places, to end right behind Nico. They needed that change and it’s impacting them positively.

VCARB, also a team that needs to be on the radars. They are good, pit stops are so good consistently, with the stops not exceeding 3 seconds like their competitors. Multiple solid performance and almost consistent points scored. They are on the climb, and it’s honestly something that makes me personally very happy. Also Yuki Goat

Williams, the team and the car is so shit, pits today were so bad. THEY NEED TO ASSESS THEMSELVES BEFORE CRITICISING THE DRIVERS. Alex having to retire and Logan doing his damn best in an overweight, not upgraded car. Yeah they need a wake up call.

Ferrari, the upgrades are quick, and that’s something that we can all agree on. Carlos was okay, but Charles drove his heart out today. Keeping Oscar behind him and putting pressure on Lando, it’s something that we all have to acknowledge and respect. And give Ferrari the credit with the car they built.

McLaren are showing teeth, Oscar with the full upgrades, Lando on that high. This team will be in contention for the top 3, and as we saw today, strategy, track layout and having the car that can put pressure on RedBull. (Those laps will haunt me)

Finally Red Bull. Checo, as a start, did rewlly well considering the set up that idk what was up, but it is what it is, and his starting position, especially since the track doesn’t have much overtaking zones. From P11 to P8. That’s good, but not enough for Red Bull standards. And he needs to wake up not to lose his seat. As for our Number One. Firstly, he’s number one for a reason and A DAMN GOOD ONE. The car wasn’t the fastest all weekend, with Friday the car being a full blown shit show. Saturday the set up being good, but nit testing the hards and getting pole when not even expected, and finally today, driving his actual heart out, and with his experience, keeping Lando behind him for 5 laps with less than 1.5 seconds gap, and then not having any type of tiny mistake when he knew it would cost him, he’s the best for that reason, and that’s why he and GP are considered the best engineer-driver duo on the grid rn, because they know how to communicate and how to win, even if the car wasn’t the fastest. Also, giving credit where credit is due to Sebastian Buemi and Jake Dennis, who have both stayed 11+ hours both in the sim back at base to work on and perfect the set up. This victory couldn’t have been possible if not for them.

So yeah, Imola done and dusted, probably one of the best races I’ve ever seen, but also one of the most nerve racking ones. I’m still shaking from Lando Max battle, though I enjoyed it. We got our Lestappen Podium. And tbh it was my personal dream podium. And hope you enjoy Jurgen’s last game, I know it’s an emotional one to say the least❤️

Wonderful analysis as always, my darling! And as always, I don't have much to add so I'll just leave most of this in all its glory.

The only thing I will say is that I wasn't really worried about Max and Lando. Had the race been longer, yes, I definitely would have been. But as it was? I didn't worry about Lando overtaking Max at all. But it was such a fun race even so, and I'm always happy with a Lestappen podium in addition to a Max win!

To be perfectly honest, I have been a mess since before kickoff and I'm still struggling to properly wrap my head around the Klopp era having come to an end. But what a beautiful, emotional send-off he got. (Virg and Trent crying at full-time shattered my fucking heart.) I can't wait to see what Arne Slot will bring, and I'm undeniably excited about the future. But right now I'm just sad and empty that Jürgen won't be there next season.

I'm really sorry Arsenal didn't manage to get the Premier League title in the end. I would have much preferred seeing them win it instead of City. ❤️

[wasteofbandagesxx]

Bsd x reader

Hunting dogs in a nutshell part 7

Tecchou is once again stuck in the hospital bed. Teruko beat the shit out of him, Y/n and Tachihara had to pull the 2 apart. Tecchou was swollen and bruised as hell. Right now everyone was doing their shit while Jouno had a shitty grin on his face. "Jouno that was completely unnecessary. You need anger management." "Oh shup up Y/n. I don't need a peasant like you to lecture me."

An irk mark appears on Y/n's forehead after hearing the word 'peasant'.

'Did he just call me a peasant?...' they thought, with a murderous look on their face. Y/n was about to jump his ass until the sound of a door opening startled them. The door opened, revealing the leader of the hunting dogs. "Y/n." "Yes sir?" "I need you to go with the others to the casino- hic...they are going to need assistant. That is an order."

"Yes sir." Y/n saluted and then walked off. Fukuchi took one look at Jouno before his face went pale. "What's up with you jouno?" He asked with sweat dripping down his forehead. "Oh nothing~" Jouno responded. Fukuchi shrugged before taking an oreo out and separated the cookie from the cream. Jouno's smile suddenly dropped at the sound and smell. "Say...is that an oreo? And did you just separate the cookie from the cream?..." "yeah why? And how do you know?" Fukuchi asked before taking a bite of the cookie.

"...."

"...."

"Your next bitch-"

"AH!-"

Meanwhile

"Terrorists?" A man asked, the man that Is known as the Casino manager. He's wearing all white, his hair is half white and half pink. His eyes are pink, you could get lost in those beautiful eyes. The man known as the casino manger is Sigma. "Yes, we believe there are terrorists in this casino." Teruko said.

One of the bodyguards pulled out a tablet and showed the manager something. "So, what do we do then?" Sigma asked. "We shut it down ofc-" "I refuse!"

"Come again?..." Sigma rambled on about nit closing the casino and that it's not under any laws. Therefore, Sigma himself is the law.

"Now get lost!" He shouted. Tachihara sweatdropped at that moment as Teruko had a dark look on her face. Y/n's soul left their body right when the little girl stood up. "This place is secured since you told us to get lost!" She said with a cheery voice. "Wtf..."

-5 mins later

"Sir, someone just blew up the landing zone!" "Whaaaaat!?"

"Istg, I'm gonna kill myself." "Don't be like that y/n." "Shut up Tachihara!"

"Kakaka! Nobody's gonna get out of this casino now!" The hunting dogs blew up the landing zone. That way nobody can leave the casino. Ofc they would do that for the sake of their country. The suspects are in the casino after all. "We'll split up and search the casino! You two will find out what the agencies next move it." Teruko ordered.

"Yes ma'am..." They said. The hunting dogs split up and began their search. "I swear that women is scary." Y/n sighed. "She sounds more like a villian than a hero." "Ikr? But once this is over, we can finally relax for once and do God who knows what. So be strong, ok Y/n?" Tachihara was kind of a close friend to Y/n. He wasn't the only one who infiltrated the port mafia. Y/n did the same 3 years ago before they faked their death. "Tachihara, look..."

They both stopped at their tracks to see an agency member enter a room. They both followed right after, only to see that the suspect is gone. "They've must've gone to the pocket dimension." Tachihara said, but then something caught his eye. A shiny coin, the two hunting dogs got on both of their knees as they took a look. Tachihara picked it up and examined it. "A coin?.." "maybe a customer dropped it. Lets keep it-" "wait a second Y/n... this doesn't seem like a normal coin...it's hollow."

"Wha?-

'BOOM!-

"Tachihara!!!" The coin exploded right in front of his face, knocking him out. Y/n quickly rushed to his side, "Tachihara!! Are you alright!?" Tachihara groaned as he sat up. "I was able to stop it from doing further damage with my special ability, but the blast was able to knock me down."

"Was the coin from the agency?" Y/n asked, helping him up. "There's more coins in that safe, they could all be bombs..." "we have to do something. C'mon!"

"Uh- are you serious rn!?" "Oh shit!" A plane was coming there way, Tachihara activated his ability but is struggling quite terribly. "Stand back, I always knew you were weak." Teruko said out of the blue before she transformed. She grew up to be an adult and managed to stop the plane from crashing into anything. "Kakaka! He tried challenging me to a match! Silly airplane..." teruko said in a tired, proud voice. "Oh damn..." Suddenly, more coins started to spill out of the plain. "Are you serious rn?... haven't you done enough!?" "Oh fu-" "Tachihara!"

Tachihara activated his ability once more to help Teruko get the plane out of the casino before it exploded. "So I'm guessing this casino is also a terrorist." Y/n said. "We'll expose the casino's plan to the entire world." Teruko said as the hunting dogs got inside the halls. Guards came out of nowhere and pointed guns at us. And in the blink of an eye they were all knocked out. All the guests came out of the room to see what was going on. The hunting dogs introduced themselves and reassured everyonqe's safety... until one of them got stabbed.

"Attack....I repeat, attack these three terrorists on sight! I repeat, attack! You won't be accused of any crimes, and your gambling losses will be erased. Plus ten grand for an injury, one million if you kill them." A familiar voice from the TV said, the casino manager himself.

A lot of stuff has happened in the casino, they hunting dogs were chased by the police, Teruko used her ability on a security guard to gain information, Tachihara was looking around for the terrorists, Y/n ate chips as they watched Teruko and Sigma fight. The fight was a nasty one if you asked Y/n themselves. Teruko was going to drop Sigma in the air and out of the casino, but then he got a sight grip on her and jumped out of the caisno, taking the little girl with him. "Oh shit- Teruko!" Y/n quickly dropped their chips and jumped out of the casino to save their teammate. Teruko was quick enough and kicked Sigma off and grabbed onto something, leaving Sigma to die alone. But a white figure appeared out of nowhere and caught him. "The weartiger..." Y/n mumbled in shock but then realized they were still falling. The 2 boys crashed violently but safely onto the casino's foundation. The weartiger pulled out his phone only to show that ongo was on call, both Sigma and Ongo were having a small conversation but was interrupted by the sound of screaming.

"What's that?" Both the weartiger and Sigma both looked up to see a figure falling towards them from above. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit! Fu-"

Y/n landed on top of Sigma violently, and I'm not saying they landed on top of him in a kinky way, they full of broke one of his bones. Y/n groaned as they slowly sat up on top of Sigma, Sigma's ass was knocked tf out. "I think you broke one of his bones..." the weartiger said.

".....Oh fu-"

TO BE CONTINUED ->

[hermitcrossovers]

School very much be a bitch, I'm agreeing with you there!

Anyway, the 3rd Life dragon riders AU!

I say 3rd Life but it's more like 3rd Life-centric, with Empires season 1 on the side, some very niche helsmit headcanons that could probably get my main blog revealed because of how niche they are, and the smallest amount of canon timeline fuckery :D

I'll focus on 3rd Life for the time being tho

Basically, it all starts with Dogwarts (well, Evo technically but Dogwarts start the main plot). It started with Martyn getting lost at sea after watching his island be destroyed and ending up on the Defenders of the Wing island! Ren quickly follows, as with Skizz. Etho takes longer (by a few months) but they arrive as well. BigB takes the longest to make it, as well as the longest to learn to trust.

The five of them are a close-nit group before long, spending their days adventuring into the woods and sailing around the island. They all came from places where exploration was a must, and it's weird to be contained.

So they leave. They only leave after come newcomers arrive, ones who ride dragons. BigB suddenly isn't alone in being a rider, and Cookie (his speed stinger) makes close friends with the new dragons. Etho wants to learn how to ride a dragon, as with Ren and Skizz. Martyn decides to help the rest of the crew explore the world and try to find the dragon riders from the Edge.

Things don't exactly go to plan, and they get shipwrecked on a (thankfully) friendly island. They decide to make an outpost there, because what else can they do except rebuild the boat?

It's during this stay that Etho and Skizz meet their dragons, a changewing and a triple stryke respectively. Dogwarts doesn't end up leaving, no matter how many times they say they will.

Enter Grian and Scar! Who misread the situation entirely!

You see, Grian, Jimmy, BigB, Martyn, and Pearl are the only survivors of the island of Evo. Grian escaped the Watchers, a group of dragon hunters, by the skin of his teeth. BigB and Pearl took longer, but they got out. Martyn and Jimmy were rushed away before the Watchers attacked. Ever since getting out, Grian has sworn to find his missing friends and protect them.

One day, Grian saw Martyn and BigB from a distance while flying on his sentinel named Watcher. He watched as the two of them attempted to outrun Skizz, who was training Gaze (his triple stryke) to track others. Grian thought that Dogwarts was keeping his friends captive, and didn't think to learn more.

Scar on the other hand, is deserving of Dogwart's wrath. You see, Scar had attempted to gather a bunch of crystals to sell, only to be stopped by Etho and Ren. Those 'crystals' were actually dragon eggs, something Scar didn't know about. Scat got away with one egg, a terrible terror that would soon be named Llama, on his flightmare named Vex.

So basically miscommunication starts a war of sorts. Nobody here has the braincell.

I'll explain more about the Flower Husbands/Hobbits and the Crastle-alinged individuals later, my hands are hurting a bit and the ask box is getting laggy - 🔮🐦(magic bird anon)

(oh and I didn't mention it yet, because it happens later in the plot which I still need to explain, but Ren's dragon is a scuttleclaw named Red Winter, and Martyn's dragon is a slithersong named Listener)

This is so heckin pog! Ok so pretty obssesed with everyone's dragon and also the idea of the Dogwarts gang travelling together is so cool!!!! I love that they're all fighting bc of miscommunication it's so in character!

Was the island of Evo destroyed or is it just left abandoned now that all the survivors have left? 👀👀

Curious abt my dear flowers husbands too 👀

-Mod Jer

[metalhead-brainrot]

[Album of the day] Brux - Fills de La Nit

Barcelona, ESP || 2023 || LA VIDA ES UN MUS DISCOS

[Genres] post-punk, punk'n'roll

[FFO] Oi!

[Thoughts] The genre tags on this short little EP don't sound like something I'd typically enjoy, but I find that averaging out those styles gives Fills de La Nit a garage-punk sound: not super rhythmically complex, but aesthetically appealing.

This came out today (2024.03.29) on London-based label LA VIDA ES UN MUS DISCOS, but given that the band is from Barcelona I'm going to assume the title is Catalan for "Children of the night."

o()xxxx[:::::::::::::::::> o()xxxx[:::::::::::::::::> o()xxxx[:::::::::::::::::>

[From the band/label]

BRUX are back with four tracks of their trademark sound. Four flanged out hard hitting anthems, mixing the sharpest possible post punk with the roughest street rock’n’roll vocals. They keep their boots firmly pressed between two styles which seem polar opposites, resulting in new sounds made up of old formulas. Too angular for boot boys yet too crude for trendy post punkers. Blending both BLITZ eras with Death rock and current punk wave, and resulting on a fully formed band not afraid of displaying all their influences at once.

[bikepackinguk]

Day Twenty-seven

Well that's been a very soggy day!

Woke up on a nice soft mossy ground amidst some pine trees a little outside of Portgordon, before loading up on a good breakfast and coffee for the miles ahead.

Onwards! A loop around some industrial areas before dropping onto the old rail line again and crossing the River Spey at Garnouth across an impressive old bridge.

The line carries on through the very pretty areas around Elgin, with a stop off for water and taking in the cathedral.

It's not long before we depart the old track and stick a little closer to the shore, with some more country lanes before hitting Kinloss.

The wind has been getting up but some good patches of trees past town make a natural windbreak to allow rustling up a solid lunch. The forecast has a lot of rain heading over and I feel it'll likely be a while before it'll be convenient to get more calories in and take advantage of the lull.

Sure enough, as I'm packing back up the rains start to arrive, so it's time to throw on the waterproofs and get going.

Unlike the previous day, this is some gentle but relentless drizzle that the skies will be able to keep pouring out for hours on end, and soon the entire sky is a solid grey from horizon to horizon.

Good riding weather for keeping the heat off! Alas the run hits some trouble here, as whilst I usually avoid big puddles due to what they may be hiding, the narrow country lanes and needing to pass an oncoming car near Brodie Castle mean dipping into one, which was hiding a missing patch of road.

Flying into the rut, there's not much time to react before I'm thrown from the saddle to fly into a nice thorny hedge of gorse, with the bike crashing beneath me.

After the initial shock wore off, it's time to take stock. For myself, there's plenty of bruising and a good amount of thorns pincushioning various parts, but thankfully nothing seems too seriously amiss.

A cursory check of the bike, however, produces a lot of grinding noises, so it's time to break out the toolkit and check the damage.

I've had this bike, a Fuji Tourer, for over seven years now, and I continue to be impressed by what an absolute tank it is. One handlebar is slightly twisted which is quickly remedied, and the front brakes are readjusted as they'd taken a knock and were pushing against the wheel. That was all that was required to be rolling once more, despite impacting the road with a fair weight of luggage and speed.

I've seen it advertised at times as an "entry level" touring bike, but damn it's awesome, and the mechanical reliability in it alone is worth it's weight. The Sam Vimes Boots Theory of Economics in action.

Still, I'm rather sore at this point and there's a lot of miles to go! Things will likely start seizing up in the legs if a break is taken, and the rain is still coming down, so it's back in the saddle and onwards once more.

NCN 1 has been excellently signposted for a good while now, but alas that changes once entering Nairn and with the rain now in its fourth hour of coming down solidly, I'm unable to check my electronics easily to remedy the route, so a quick ride down the seafront leads to a nice warm little cafe called Strathnairn where I'm able to dry off a little, treat myself to a latte and millionaire shortbread, and take stock of what's ahead.

Whilst I've had a rest day for the legs very recently, I'm feeling quite battered now, and I'd like an opportunity to have a proper look at the bike for issues, as well as get the brakes tightened up. And with Inverness coming up, the last bigger place I'll be seeing for quite a long time, it makes sense to find a hostel and check in for a couple of nights to get some needed chores and healing done.

However, there are still a good few miles between Nairn and Inverness! So with the clock hitting half four, it's time for the road once more.

We're through Moray and into The Highlands, and the route lets us know by immediately throwing a vicious ascent the likes of which I've nit had to tackle since the Yorkshire Moors.

Route 1 takes us high up into the hills above the Moray Firth, and does at least reward the tough climbing with some great views across the landscape. The ghostly hills we saw yesterday are now very solid and wreathed with clouds and mist. we'll be round to them in a few days!

A nice long gradual descent allows taking a break whilst gliding downwards past some gorgeous forest with carpets of moss, before another couple of steep climbs are tackled, and yhe path finally runs down to the outskirts of Inverness.

The route into the city centre itself is pretty well signposted from here and it's not too much trouble to follow right in to arrive at 8pm, to be greeted by a full marching band of bekilted Scots with bagpipes blaring.

A couple of minutes later and the hostel is reached, with a very needed hit shower, soke free shortbread, and as much te and coffee as I like.

An eventful day indeed! Tomorrow will be spent getting soke laundry done, checking over the bike, and getting some healing done. We'll be back on Thursday!

[atangledfate]

It did make her heart flutter to see Poppy smile, and happy again. That warmness was what drew her to her love, and continued to make her feel so treasured. Both of Poppy and Lilly were such a treasure to be around and she did wish for Lilly to think of her as family. But both lilly and poppy had a certain fire in here souls that blaze had never seen in another. She adored them dearly, and was happy that mess in flora was done.

Blaze chuckled at Poppy who spoke of her mother, and behaving herself. She could only hope Scarlett played nice for now, it would likely be a battle in there. She was sure Jean could handle himself, he had done this job for years now, and he was quite talented. Still maybe Poppy was right she hoped they didn't devolve into a fight of some kind.

" Your Mother does have a certain fire about her doesn't she? Still i'm sure she'll keep it civil... after all its just one little meal. But yes let's go fetch Gardon... i imagine he's got his hands full by now "

She kept her arms wrapped about Poppys and clasped her hand in poppys own like letting go and she might vanish. She could be such a clingy woman she knew. But after that episode with her heart she was jst worried about her. Plus she enjoyed her warmth, why would she ever let go?

Blaze and Poppy found Gardon in the garden. Lilly needed to run off that energy so he took her outside to get some fresh air. The old Koala stil had his files with him working away, while lilly seemed to enjoy herself in the garden with all the flowers, and plants of all kinds. Blaze could naturally sense the life force of others so finding them was no issue for her. Though she couldn't do the same for poppy or Lilly for obvious reasons.

" Ah Highness, Poppy, i see you have returned. I hear with quite the procession... our new Guard captain had choice words ... ahah! she'll adjust i'm sure. "

Gardon whistle at Lilly and motioned to Poppy as obviously she likely missed her mother.

" I have the rooms being prepared, though it will take some time. But i trust things went well in Flora? "

Blaze seemed to stop in her tracks giving poppy a look at Gardons question. How did one describe the trip? Fraught with peril? a mess and a half? filled with adversity? Chaos it was an experience that was for sure!

" Flora was... exhausting... im glad to be home..."

=======================================

Meanwhile back in the kitchen...

Jean went stiff seeing her nit picking his staff. He nearly wanted to throw the woman in the nearest dumpster! But he stopped himself as he took a deep breath, his large jelly belly bouncing as he wobbled over to Scarlett! He needed to stop this before it got worse! He would have some choice words for the princess later!

" MA'DAM! i can assure you my staff are the best of the best! trained by myself for the singular duty of serving the royal family! Rest assured we will treat your family with the same loving tender care--- now perhaps you have a dish you'd like us to prepare! "

He tried to remain jolly and non-hostile---it wasn't working! and no matter how hard he tried! this woman was invading his kitchen! judging his staff! THAT WAS HIS JOB!!! how dare she yell at them! that was his job to yell at the staff!

" Perhaps is a traditional florian dish you'd like us to prepare! i'm sure i can easily whip something up! and if there are dietary needs i will make accommodations! "

Scarlett would start to eye all the other's chief as she walked down the line, stopping at one before grabbing their sleeve and raising it up along with their arm. "What is this? Your sleeve is filthy. You need to roll it up more, and keep your arms tucked in. Reduces cuts and burns while keeping your sleeves clean." Seemed like this feline was going to be tough on the staff.

"Guilty as charged, though a little bit of spunk never hurt anyone." Poppy didn't mind the fact Lily could have a bit of attitude at times. Meant that she could handle what life threw at her when she got older. "Though I'm sure she'll warm up to you in no time at all." Blaze had already made a good impression giving her daughter that crown.

"Oh, I imagine she's already found something she couldn't ignore with one of the other chiefs. My mum has a keen eye and doesn't let things slide easily, though I am hoping she keeps herself tame, at least for tonight. Breakfast might be a different story." Poppy would worry about all that tomorrow.

"Though let's go make sure Gardon isn't being pushed to his limit by Lily." Poppy was sure as soon as Lily saw them she'd be asking how it went in Flora. Hopefully Gardon was spared from a majority of her daughter's energy today at the very least as she did leave her with something to distract her for at least a bit.

Lily was starting to have a hard time keeping herself from rushing around and asking questions, though promised her mom to take it easy. Clearly something that was hard for the young opossum was she was walking in a circle at the moment.