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thejackalxi · 4 days ago

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Watching "Kahmunrah Rides Again" for the FIRST TIME like...

(Final thoughts and disclaimers at the end, so hold all questions and comments for the end, please. For all my rantings and ravings, I do take a breath and anaylize this fairly and even have my own epiphany.)

Seeing "Kahmunrah Coming Soon" poster made me laugh like the immature boy that I am.

The voice acting is not great. No one sounds even remotely like the original actors, including the way they speak, their natural flow and line delivery doesnt feel beliavble, except for the Ricky Gervais sound-alike who actually was pretty close.

Worse than the voice acting is the dialogue itself. The writing is atrocious!

The scenes with Larry and Nick felt genuine and were actually written pretty nice, immediately followed up with a terrible clunky scene with Larry and his ex-wife.

Inconsistancies ABOUND! There's no Rebel Wilson character and Dr. McPhee doesn't know about the museum coming to life, and with the inclusion of Laa, yes, the script confirms that this takes place after the events of the 3rd film.

The candy bar scene got a chuckle out of me before the badly out of sync Teddy Roosevelt jumpscare. The animation itself is not...awful, that one shot just was sync'd weird.

Seriously, the scenes of Nick sharing dialogue with his dad are the best written bits, it's like being able to come up for air while otherwise drowning in a sea of stupid. I actually got a small chuckle out the Tokyo bathroom joke.

I really hate that Kahmunrah doesn't have his speech impediment...and looks nothing like Hank in NATM2.

WH-what is this voice he's doing? It's super inconsistant. He has an accent, then he doesn't have an accent, his voice is all over the place. At this point I'm completely convinced there was little to no vocal direction and Disney execs didn't care, they just wanted the tracks recorded and mixed by the end of the week. "This is all so bad."

"Ohh, it IS bad, and DON'T interupt me!" The movie is aware, heard my critique, and agrees 🤣 This was the hardest laugh I got out of watching this thing so far...

I HATE HATE HATE this writing and the line delivery *screams into hands, and notices there's still 50 minutes left to watch* Gotta keep going...maybe it gets better??

Personal nit pick, but if my handsome beefcake daddy Kah with massive biceps has superstrength in this cartoon pushing over a whole ass stone column, what sick character designer gave him pool noodle arms??? I mean, are you for real??? LOOK AT THOSE THICK TREETRUNKS, MAN! What sick monster drew him in this cartoon- whatever, it's fine. It's fine. It's just a cartoon, it's fine.

No, it's not fine! Listen! Kahmunrah's entire design in this animated movie is offensive and it deeply bothers me, I recognize that it shouldn't bother me, but it does, and it's wrong and I don't like it...Ill tell ya how I really feel, I don't particularly care for this cartoon....*takes a breath* Moving on...

Ugh...and the poster of Merenkare looks NOTHING like Ben Kingsley either *sigh* Im kind of glad Ahkmenrah is M.I.a. from this film because I'm sure the character designer knew they couldn't replicate Rami Malek's angelic beauty and perfectly capture his face, so they just didnt bother.

stop...this dialogue is so unfunny and delivered so baddddd *cries*

"Technically he was never a pharaoh because [insert badly written quick exposition]" FALSE!! First of all, Teddy, you weren't there, so shut your goddam moustachio'd mouth. Second, if the writer of this thing had watched ANY of the movies or done any research into this franchise (they clearly didn't, who am I kidding), Kahmunrah WAS passed over and the throne given to his little brother Ahkmenrah who, after only a year on the throne, was violently murdered by Kahmunrah and reclaimed his rightful place on the throne for 17 years before he passed. Did anyone on this production think to ask the original writers or Shawn Levy for creative consultation? Of course not, because it's Night at the Museum now owned by Disney, they don't care to fact check...or even glabce at the original source material 😒 (Turns out yes, they did and they just forgot their own established canon. Don't you be tryin to take away my man's title of Pharaoh, how very dare!)

Yet, they included Joan of Arc who appeared in a NATM spin off junior novel following Nick. Kinda disappointed she's not voiced by Nicole Sullivan 🤣 jk, this actress is good for Joan, Im just a sucker for Clone High.

"Let's dance." Kahmunrah draws khopesh (hot)

"No dancing, just swords." Joan replies. I actually giggled, that was cute, until,

"Silly girl, that was a metaphor! A metaphor is not literal-"

Dammit movie!! Stop killing your own jokes by pointing out why the joke is meant to be funny! Stop! Let me just TRY to have a laugh! This dialogue is just bad. Please don't follow up your jokes with, "See, that's funny BECAUSE-" Stop! We get the joke, it's annoying! I get they were trying to match the improv comedy tone of NATM, but they failed so hard doing so!

*Kahmunrah talks more*

BRO, PICK A VOICE! PICK JUST A SINGLE TONE, PICK A LANE! PICK ONE ACCENT AND STICK WITH IT! One minute you sound like if Hank Azaria was on ALL of the drugs, a Mark Hamill's Joker-esque tone, then you sound insanely British, now you have an American accent, some sort of demented gremlin voice, and now sound like Jafar?? PICK A VOICE, MAN!! And of all these voices, still no teeth lisp. A crime.

"Don't eat me, or this will be a very short movie!" Please do, a fourth wall joke doesn't work for Kahmunrah, that really should be Teddy Roosevelt's shtick.

Also REALLY bothers me that they made Jedediah a freckled red head.

"Let gho of me you Phillestines!" And now Kahmunrah is Mark Hamill? Why...did he deliver that line like the Joker?

"I need backup, the ULTIMATE backup." Now he's what, Haas Delgado? What are these vocal choices his actor is doing?

Also, not the voice actors fault here, but why is Kahmunrah's khopesh sheethed in the back inside his tunic like that? Is his blade nestled in his ass crack? 😂 Why animators did you make such a terrible choice??? He could've had a sheath at his hip, but...why in the back like this???

There's still 40 minutes left, HOW???

And again, just when I feel like we've settled into an American scary guy voice for Kah, he slips into the Joker again. brah....brah...come on.

Seth's accent isn't very tight or consistant either, but I'm so exhausted by the insanity of Kahmunrah's vocal deliveries to really care. Speaking of which, he alives a Scorpion statue and his voice COMPLETELY changes tone and delivery style... again. I know I could just stop watching, but Ive made a comittment to see it through.

"Is it really bad?..." Teddy asks, Nick and I happen to say at the same time, "Yeah, it's still really bad." (Though we're clearly not talking about the same thing) 😂

Seriously, the khopesh is like RIGHT down the crack of his ass!!

"I smell Kahmunrah's musk-" YOU SMELL WHAT?! You know his SCENT?

"Fire burn." "I know the feeling." DAMMIT JOAN! 🤣 Ya got me on that one.

Aw, this scene building Nick up, this was nice. A breath of air before Im sure it goes back to shit quickly...

A fart joke, yup. Sadly I was right.

Yup, and then the movie reminds us that Robin Williams would've had a funny improv bit as Teddy, except it would be actually funny and naturally paced, and the other characters would be chuckling and trying not to bust up laughing, and not a phoned-in unfunny delivery like it is here in this cartoon where the characters are annoyed and critisize Teddy's reminiscing. I miss Robin so much. He was such a light on this world.

"We have an hour left before sunrise, come on!" Well, once again the franchise doesn't seem to understand how short an hour actually is. You're two hours deep into Ancient Egypt, you still have to stop Kahmunrah, leave the portal, get through the Art Museum, back on the Subway to get to the Natural History Museum...all in the span of an hour...Sure (Yes, they find a way to get home in time, that's the point, I know).

Jedediah shouts, "Don't forget to swallow!" I have died!

"Once I insert my tablet into the sarcophagus-" ...*slowly raises eyebrow* Once you insert WHAT now??? "My army will RISE!" ...sir... I hate your voice, I despise so much of the dialogue throughout this movie, but THAT line *slow clap* truly a masterpiece, *chef's kiss* Thank you to whomever wrote that line for me.

"We can't let that bully win." "Bully!....I mean, yes I agree." Oh now with less than 20 minutes I'm mildly enjoying myself.

And the "heiroglyph" of the 2nd chord to the combination in the MIDDLE of the tablet looks like :===

This cartoon has turned SUPER innuendo-y all of a sudden 🤣

HELL YEAH! A jackal army is WAY COOLER a birdmen army in my personal opinion. Damn, if only the voice actor had actually tried to sound like Hank (or if the vocal director didn't at his job) and Kahmunrah's design wasn't so awkward, I'd say that's insanely hot...Imagining Hank Azaria's Kahmunrah commanding a muscled canine-man army is one of the sexiest sounding things I could imagine...too bad it only exsists in this cartoon without Hank and not live action WITH Hank (obviously) 🥲

"Yes, my minions, ATTACK!" Now, imagine that line said in a commanding English accent and a forward lisp, while pointing with a big muscular arm....HOT!

UGHHH Why...why was he drAWN WITH STICK ARMS? *personal breakdown for the hundredth time watching this hour and 10 minute cartoon movie*

"Fine, then leave Son of Larry..."draws sword, "to me!" delivered in what I can only describe as freaky goblin voice. Why...? This...this would be so sexy, except everything is wrong.

That's it, I'm transcribing every bit of his dialogue and recording what he SHOULD sound like, and y'all will agree, they should've brought Hank back for this!

This weird goblin voice...this is the voice he's settled on now I guess, er...nope, nope, apparently we're going back to sounding like Jafar. Good god, just let this movie end.

They're using a poster of the natural history museum to get back while they're in a painting at another museum...I don't think that's how that would work, but I don't...I don't care, I want this to just be over.

Teddy, why are you not freezing with Texas-? Augh, who cares?

So Shawn Levy AND Chris Columbus produced this??? How much of a hand did they really have in this, because it was a nightmare.

*Does some Googling*...The AUTHOR of the original Night at the Museum children's book that the franchise is based on was one of the screenwriters? Did NOT see that one coming!

All in all, this movie got a few chuckles out of me, and the plot is pretty much a re-skinned version of Night at the Museum 2 Battle for the Smithsonian. It's not a bad concept, just a little weak as a final installment to the franchise.

My biggest issues come from the predominantly awkward dialogue, the joke murdering, granted it's hard to translate that vibe and live action comedic improv that leans more mature into a cartoon movie for a younger audience. The writers were bound to their screenplay and didnt have the luxury of improvizational comedy gold from the likes of the original NATM cast. With what they were constrained to, they tried their best, sometimes jokes worked, but most of the time it just didn't.

Some of the character designs were wonky, but I didn't mind the art style itself, Im just nit picky about the choices in Kahmunrah's design and his overall color palette.

But above all, the voice acting was ROUGH in places! Some performances were great, Joan was solid, Jed surprised me in the end when he finally started to sound like Owen Wilson, the Ricky Gervais sound-alike was decent enough, and Joshua Bassett as Nick was pretty decent as well, but Teddy Roosevelt, do I need to say it? No one will ever be Robin Williams, but Disney could've found a sound-alike.

And FINALLY, my guy, Mr. Joseph Kamal...what were you doin, man?

I mean, I tried to keep an open mind, and I am all for a voice actor putting their own spin on a character performance, but my man, this was not good, and I'm really disappointed.

*RESEARCHES Kamal's IMDB page* SOooo, in...SOME fairness, this was only his 2nd ever voice acting/voice over role. He's only ever done minor acting roles in serious television dramas or soap operas.

That being said, as a freelance voice over artist and voice actor, voice acting is NOT easy, especially when you have BIG BIG BIGGG shoes to fill from long time crazy-talented voice actor Hank Azaria. I just think Kamal was simply miscast into a role that was too much for him to take on. And I also blame whoever was in charge of vocal direction. Sometimes for voice actors, without a strong director, in a big vocal performance, the choices made in a delivery are too vast, like throwing darts into the universe while blind folded. You just kinda throw a variety of deliveries out there and ultimately it's up to the director and the editor which takes to go with.

Maybe that was it! Kamal did multiple deliveries of lines with varying styles because again, lack of strong direction, and the editor ultimately just threw these unfitting takes together making Kahmunrah sound batshit insane in not a good or well executed way...I wanna give this guy the benefit of the doubt.

3/10 There were ideas here, but this movie was painful to get through.

#natm #night at the museum #kahmunrah #kahmunrah rides again #critique #joseph kamal #voice acting

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