#but i’ve been thinking a lot about fandom treatment of women lately

[eliotquillon]

just finished the rwrb movie and although i really enjoyed it (and was kicking my feet giggling the whole time) i do have a couple of major criticisms, some of which i think aren’t really the movie’s fault because they had to fit a whole book into 2 hours, but some of which left me kind of disappointed:

-i feel slightly icky that bea and nora got their screentime SIGNIFICANTLY reduced even after june got cut entirely (which i was upset about, but did understand). i loved zahra and adored her on screen but i do think it’s very odd that she is pretty much the only major female character in this movie since bea was nonexistent and nora got permanently spirited away to pez’s bed or something sometime during the second act

-it felt like a lot of the internal conflict in alex and henry’s relationship was very unbalanced and henry heavy - alex’s neurodivergence was erased, his bi epiphany was barely even an epiphany, and him not being explicitly kicked off the campaign after ellen finds out about him and henry essentially killed his whole subplot about realising he doesn’t need to have everything achieved at thirty and deciding he wants to apply to law school instead. which wouldn’t have been terrible but on the flipside it felt weird that we didn’t see very much of henry’s family considering how much they affect and shape his fear of being outed and his feeling of being in a glass cage - e.g bea’s treatment by the media during her active addiction (which was entirely erased), the extent of the tension between him and philip. felt like henry’s pov scenes were a super wasted opportunity for that and we were mostly just being Told about all of these things

-i am not actually that mad about oscar and ellen still being together lol but i felt like in the scene with oscar smoking the cigar on the balcony they were kinda building up to there being significant strain in his and ellen’s relationship that just wasn’t explored. especially since it’s clear oscar would never be able to be president because he’s not a natural born citizen + the sacrifice of his career for ellen’s is so much bigger now that he’s first gentleman in this version

-pacing in general was a bit off but the worst offender was the fact that there was a complete time skip between the alex henry confrontation/reconciliation and the outing. so much of the tension and desperation from that outing scene comes from the fact that the risk of it happening was slowly increasing throughout the book and it felt almost inevitable (the elevator cctv being leaked, henry having to fake date june) and honestly making it so abrupt weirdly reduced a lot of its impact for me

-similarly i actually completely understand why the richards plot / rafael luna plot was cut (i suspect republican election interference hits a bit too close to home after 2020) but my god was miguel a lame fucking villain and him being queer and hispanic erased a lot of the original commentary about racism and homophobia that the richards plot lent itself to. like in general this movie was a lot lighter than the book which is fine! but for a movie where the main subplot is a presidential election So Much of the political themes were heavily neutered or cut to the point that it seemed like the pressure on henry and alex’s relationship was disproportionately coming from henry’s side when in the book it was more balanced

again on the whole i really really loved this movie and i knew going in that certain changed were going to be made. and i hope more movies get made like it! these r just my Thots and i may change my mind when i rewatch it with my friend tomorrow

[stolenpostit]

I have a question: when was Emma ever masculine? She might not have been hyperfeminine like Snow or Belle or Ruby, but jeans and a leather jacket do not make her butch. She has a physically demanding job so pants are practical, but she’s also known to wear sexy dresses like the bodycon from the pilot or her date with Walsh, she’s even in a skirt and heels in Manhattan! That puts her on the level of the average American woman more than anything. She even says in season one about the deputy uniform “You don’t have to dress a woman like a man to give her authority” meaning that she does not see herself as masculine at all and also suggests that she likes her personal style — she’s not hiding. She was showing up every day in a leather jacket but also perfect eyeliner, rosy lips, and pretty princess curls.

To change her style so drastically in order to portray her as more feminine is not only wildly misogynistic because it positions feminine women and masculine women against each other onto a good/bad dichotomy, it implies that there was something wrong with her in season one despite that season being her most heroic, but it also massively restricts femininity into a narrow, more conservative definition.

Emma’s wardrobe changing to be more white and floral after Hook moves in and everyone constantly regarding her masculine style as a “wall” is one of the most blatantly misogynistic tropes I’ve ever witnessed and it is WILD to me that people still can’t see that.

Emma: *dresses masculine for most of her life, only dresses hyper feminine when actively playing a character*

Emma as soon as she gets with H00k: *begins to dress more feminine, regularly wearing flowy blouses and trading in her classic red leather jacket with a red blazer*

Y’all: Ah yes, the pinnacle of character development, good for her

[octahyde]

🏳️‍🌈 riddle, vil, epel, and idia? :3c

thank you for the gaggle of transgender people

Riddle: gay trans guy. I respect fem/transfem Riddle stuff but honestly to me personally it (ironically considering the next one) goes against his character. His entire life and childhood he’s had femininity forced on him (note the half dress from his overblot especially) and him being a trans guy and desperately trying to break out of it just makes sense. Being gay also goes into this to a degree as well but also just look at this kid and tell me he isn’t a little gayboy.

Vil: Transhet woman. I know this one is really really REALLY controversial but… her entire story feels like a trans narrative to me. Especially as a GNC trans guy (the only “acceptable” trans hc for her in the fandom), I see a lot of my gender envy towards feminine cis men in her treatment of Epel and Neige- Neige being amab and that soft and feminine without even trying, and Epel being feminine naturally and wanting to “throw it away”, so to speak. Especially when she tries so hard to be soft and feminine and it’s never “good” enough. As for transhet I just can’t see her with girls tbh. (Also I know transfem drag queens who have gotten into the series and took one look at Vil and said she’s a trans woman just saying.)

Epel: come on we all know this kid is a trans gayboy. Idk if this specifically is a hot take but from his second year onward I REALLY want him out of pome and into savanaclaw. I’m glad he’s made peace with his appearance for the time being but everything about it is. Insane repression to me and honestly makes me uncomfortable, again as a GNC trans guy myself. Once he realizes how legitimately traumatic his first year is I can’t see him forgiving Vil or Rook for an EXTREMELY long time, if ever. Lately I’ve also been kind of interested in exploring transfem Epel too… not because he’s soft and dainty and forced into feminine roles (I think I just established how extremely uncomfortable I am with that LMAO)… but because Epel has grown up around so many strong women, and I think him idolizing them and wanting to be a strong, masculine woman specifically himself is interesting. A naturally GNC boy desiring to become a GNC woman is really interesting to me and says a lot of very profound things about gender. I also think it gives a unique spin on his relationship with Vil- he knows things aren’t limited to just men and women, and he feels stifled specifically because he wants to be a woman who does things usually expected for men. I’m still 100% masc gay guy Epel, but I think it’s some REALLY interesting food for thought about gender and what is and isn’t expected of gender roles and how that affects trans people.

Idia: Beautiful Transhet Woman, My Beautiful Wife. I really don’t know how to explain this one except she is literally a coding gaming tgirl to a T. It literally unintentionally feels like they gathered a bunch of nerdy tgirls into a room and had them workshop the most stereotypical boymoder they could LMAO. Everything about her is So Transfeminine. She very much has a jrpg loving trans woman who was Very interested in TTYD Vivian as a child energy. Especially since I joined a discord server for a queer TTYD streamer recently AKFKSKFK My bg on desktop is what it is for a reason. As for why I say transhet… well she’s a major factor in how I realized I’m a st4t transhet man. She also radiates gayboy obsessed with yaoi to fujoshi pipeline which is very much a thing AKDJSFJDN I think her being bi with a pref for guys is really cute also though. Give her a few years and online she is going to be VERY popular with the (t)ladies.

[gingerylangylang1979]

About the Carmy x Sydney Ship and Race... Cause I’m Tired of Talking About It

This ramble is in response to the ask I sort of lazily answered here. 

I get what Anonymous is referring to, I made a whole post about it, but I think my answer may come as a shock to many. After thinking more on a series of interesting posts regarding the ship lately that were very race focused and a bigger assessment of my own posts and what I see coming from all sides, I think everybody needs to take a deep breath and CHILL.

Yes, fandom can be extremely racist regarding Black women and BWWM ships. I know this. I’ve been a fan of several shows featuring both and have witnessed the bias and resultant shenanigans that ensue just because a Black woman is onscreen. We always get less grace, we are always the subject of intense scrutiny about our looks especially the darker we are, we have historically been marginalized and sidelined as the trusty side-kick, asexual, masculinized, made the default lesbian, made the butt of jokes. I recently had to stop watching a show and stop following an Instagram account because of both’s outdated reliance on punchlines based on stereotypes delivered by the white stars. We seem to have come far but we have a long way to go. 

Sydney is receiving the same treatment I’ve seen  with other Black female characters. I always go back to Michonne on TWD as a touchstone because that was the ugliest I saw fans get about a Black woman, especially one shipped with a white man, especially when the ship went canon. We only have one season so far. I haven't seen the anti-Sydney sentiments get as bad as the anti-Michonne sentiments but I have seen some really disgusting takes that I predict will get worse as seasons progress. Sydney gets a special flavor of scorn and dismissal that I see solely reserved for Black women. 

That said, and I may make some enemies saying this, everyone who doesn’t want Sydney with Carmy isn’t racist. I think there are often conclusions that because the ship is BWWM every anti is a racist or has unconscious bias. The misogynoir weaponized against Sydney can exist and be acknowledged without making the knee jerk defense that it’s all race-based dissent against the ship. I would say a good percentage is but I have no way to quantify. I don’t know these people, I can’t read minds. Some opinions and motivations are obviously coming from a bad faith perspective but sometimes so are the categorizations assigned to any dissent. Some people just aren’t going to like the ship and it may or may not have anything to do with race. 

I don’t watch Ted Lasso but I did watch the X-Files until I didn’t. Both shows historically have fandoms with anti-ship wars. All parties involved are white. I’m not trying to “what about” this but I think we have to have some perspective. Some people are just never going to want romance on a show, some people are just not going to want a non-platonic relationship between co-workers, some people are just not going to see what you see, some people are just not going to be fond of the pairing you think is only natural. Does that dismiss those that may be hiding behind those opinions? No. But assuming that is always the case is not healthy.

The truth that Sydney is the new hated Black woman on the block and not all dissent about her with Carmy is racist can both be true at the same time. And assessing that every anti is racist doesn’t serve the ship. Point it out where it exists but don’t make assumptions. I saw a recent post on another platform that basically just blatantly accused everyone against the ship as being racist or biased and while I get a lot of the points it just came across as bad faith and out of touch. I even backed up some of the points but the OP didn’t seem to get why the thread devolved into the chaos it did. Bad faith only makes one look foolish. 

I think I’m coming into a place of my Black womanhood where yes I’m tired of the shenanigans but I’m also tired of focusing the anger on all corners of my life. I’m not saying I never want to talk about it, I’m not saying it won’t inherently manifest in spaces that should be safe, I'm just saying I’m deciding more and more where it belongs and how I react to things colors my experience.

Does it matter if biased people hate my ship? In the grand scheme of things nothing I say or present is going to change minds. The only thing that will change that is if they keep watching and start to see what I see. I can’t force that, I can’t diatribe my way to that, I can’t argue that. All the arguing and anger does is upset me who has bigger fish to fry. I can’t expect fandom and media to satisfy my needs for diversity, equity, and inclusion in the way I want. It’s just a bunch of broken people, just as broken as I am, expressing opinions and creating without personally thinking about me at all. I have to make the change I want, not expect it from others. 

Maybe because I gave up judgment for Lent (hardest Lent ever) I’m just trying to reevaluate my expectations of others. It’s a struggle, I fail at it daily. But I know the place I need that struggle the least is on the internet with strangers. 

So yes, the BWWM ship controversy can be exhausting but I’m not going to let it be. I’ll continue to engage in discussions that touch on those things but I’m not going to just sit over here seething at every anti-post and ruminating about racism. Sorry. 

[hellsbellschime]

hey so this is a bit weird maybe lol but i used to send you anons all the time during tvd/to days and i haven’t been on tumblr in ages but i’ve always remembered your blog and how you would just talk about anything. i’ve been seeing your asks about SOC, HOTD and I’ve noticed that all fandoms have seemed to have gotten worse when it comes to misogyny. I’ve been in the Stranger Things fandom and it’s been hellish for a long time but especially towards one of the newer actresses who had a hate campaign involved about her just because people love the guy she’s shipped with and some other crazy fandom bullshit. But I’m just so baffled at how much of this misogyny is perpetrated by Gen Z…who everyone says is more progressive but lately it’s been the opposite. Someone needs to write an op-ed or something on how misogyny in fandoms is at an all time high rn.

I mean I think the world has gotten worse when it comes to misogyny, there has been a really harsh rebound in response to the wave of women's support/empowerment movements, and honestly it's not hard to notice that a lot of algorithmically driven social media sites like TikTok and YouTube are basically alt-right pipelines. Grace Van Dien's treatment by the ST fandom is vile, and she is unfortunately far from the only one. I think a big problem with social media in general is that it has killed a lot of people's critical thinking skills, or stopped them from developing, and of course it's very frightening to see how popular literal violent misogyny is with really young people whose brains and POVs are still developing. And I know casual prejudice has always been an issue in fandom, but the amount of people who are dragging women because they're too old, too ugly, or any other dumbass misogynistic stereotype/dogwhistle is disturbing.

[reloha]

Just going to throw interesting tags here.

@aq2003:

#my feelings on these are as follows: 1) like half of it but v conflicted over it. overrated. 2) it's good but so overrated and needs to#stop winning every series 4 poll. 3) it's the worst episode of rtd era by far and anyone who likes it has bad taste#4) second worst ep in rtd's run and i genuinely do not get what people see in this one. the tragic ending doesnt even land#5) i have seen ppl declare undying love for this one which i do not understand whatsoever bc it's just kinda mediocre to me#im sorry women but astrid was just Some White Lady and i wanted martha back so bad

[Me: Yes. I just wanted Martha back. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. ]

@harrowq:

#i don’t like human nature/family of blood…..#it feels kinda disingenuous saying it but i really am not a fan#metawise it is interesting to talk and think about but i always skip it on rewatch#i just. don’t like it

@alexmey-does-an-arts:

#i liked voyage of the damned mostly for the foons. best dw side characters ever#i agree astrid was just. Boring#i think girl in the fireplace had super cool designs for the villians and an interesting plot#however that plot was done far far better late in deep breath and the characterization sucks (thanks moffat)#i have issues with all of these lmaoo#human nature/family of blood has so much horrific treatment of martha as does shakespeare code#silence in the library/forest of the dead is good but not as good as people say imo#i love love river song but i just don't think she was introduced as well as she couldve been#and later on moffat just doesn't write her that great either

@nethnad:

#i voted girl in the fireplace because 1) its mickeys only ever episode as a full-time companion before the two-parter he leaves in#and hes shafted half the damn time like come on. but also 2) it is so clearly the beginning of moffats obsession w the time travelers wife#you watch it and youre like. moffat. moffat is this gonna frame the background for any later stories moffat. and he says ha dont worry#only to immediately use the same general trope w river of 'man meets girl out of time throughout her life'#its like the blaring fire alarm that signals how hes gonna treat women as showrunner

@danielfeketewrites:

#it's Army of Ghosts and Doomsday for me#The End of Time is also up there#I wasn't even aware that voyage or code were like#highly rated by the fandom?#i can understand voyage#it's a big dumb populist disaster movie#sure#but shakespeare's code?#it's a waste of shakespeare#on a pretty bland ep#written by groberts#that features a jkr shoutout#I thought we all knew this

@roxannepolice:

#v9ted silence in the library because yes it's a brilliant two parter but definition of overstated#like. MIDNIGHT is right next to it#human nature has bad concepts but I think it's the bad on purpose case. like if something that was meant to annoy you annoyed you#then it did it's job. also as woth dim the whole human nature as core theme of s3 is literally spelled out there#I confess I have a soft spot for Shakespeare code but that's bc it basically said Shakespeare's mysterious muse was a WOC#abs a marx'a vrothers reference#girl in a fireplace and v9yage of the damned get just due appreciation I feel? Like they're well liked#but I've never seen them praised as deep or sth

@roadimusprime:

#Blink#I said what I said#Doctor Who#SITL/FOTD and GITF are overrated though but Blink gets the crown

@s-h-a-s-e:

#midnight. because everyones always going on about how bloody great it is.#it makes me really really sad. and not in a fun way#p.s. i'm related to the guy who plays morvin van hoff (foon's husband) in voyage of the damned.#i've only met him once but he was really cool (complimented the top hat I was wearing)

@illyriashade56

#shakespeare code i am not a fan of#i think martha deserves to beat ten with a rock for how she got treated by him#also the unrequeited love aspect is so hamfisted in that ep i hate it#martha is a better person than me i would have tried to strangle shakespeare at least twice if i were in her place

@foreign-dorian:

#my least favorite of these is absolutely gitf#NOT because it’s a bad story but because it feels like Moffat had a grand idea and ran with it without any respect for characterization#it just doesn’t fit the season that it was written in#and he clearly reuses the storyline with Amy in place of Reinette; I just think it would’ve worked better if he’d saved it for s5#Shakespeare code/family of blood are interesting conceptually but they did Martha so dirty#honestly of these choices voyage wins by dint of not being openly racist + Moffat not being weird about women + Bannakaffalatta

@variousqueerthings :

#look ive gotta just echo prev tags here#my feelings on these are as follows: 1) like half of it but v conflicted over it. overrated. 2) it's good but so overrated and needs to#stop winning every series 4 poll. 3) it's the worst episode of rtd era by far and anyone who likes it has bad taste#4) second worst ep in rtd's run and i genuinely do not get what people see in this one. the tragic ending doesnt even land#<-#and for 5 on my own terms is that it's a silly episode and i have fun with it and mainly it's like#fits into the canon of ten being a bleeding heart who immediately loses every time (stay losing king) -- didnt know it was considered a bes#i think it's funny that family of blood double and silence of the library double were voted into the top ten best OF ALL TIME in the dwm#because yeah.... family of blood double is like. cool in some places. and soooooooo messy in others#and the library double episodes i just... i think they're fine. i think the library itself is cool and donna's narrative is cool#but i think bits of it age in that unpalatable moffat-and-women kind of way and you could see some of my least favourite#tenth doctor-writing in it... and that ending *rolls eyes*#generally i think moffat is so often So bad at emotional character-based writing (see girl in fireplace but you get some in silence as well#(less with donna but i think that's ctate working well with the material tbh)#that he can have the coolest concepts in the world if he wants -- 99% of the time i am not emotionally invested#so hashing it out in the tags will probably go for silence#good episode to be clear -- soooo severely overrated#(toby whithouse out-moffated moffat in the god complex by writing an episode that was weird AND had strong characters)

@canlifechillforasecond:

#HAS to be Shakespeare Code or Girl in the Fireplace#the whole madame de pompedore thing was so weird#continuing trend of Steven Moffat being weird about women#and just *gestures to Shakespeare code*#really hard to choose but I’m gonna go with Shakespeare code bc there are a few genuinely fun scenes in girl in the fireplace#that scene in Shakespeare code where Shakespeare just starts saying racist shit#even though it was ‘of the times’#was so completely unnecessary to the plot

[thequiver]

Swinging at bat at a hornet’s nest here, but the way some of y’all talk about fictional women is.... shall we say very telling. 

Using two examples from the Arrows because... well.... this is an Arrows blog. 

Dinah is often viewed by fandom as a woman who has never done anything wrong ever in her life, and who is too good and perfect to deserve a man like Oliver who dares to *checks notes* mess up sometimes and learn from his mistakes. There are lots and lots of fans of hers who will happily call Ollie out for being a serial cheater (something that’s a retcon), or will gladly ignore that Marianne was an adult by the time she kissed Ollie, but who will completely ignore the fact that Dinah has canonically slept with a minor because she was angry at Ollie, or that she victim blamed him for his sexual assault, and will ignore anything that could potentially indicate that Dinah is just as responsible for issues in their relationship as Ollie. They want her to be his equal but only in a way that makes her #girlboss, and not in a way that makes her human. Tell me why it’s okay to ignore these things for Dinah, but when it comes to Ollie we have to “show the good and the bad.” 

And it really falls into this trend where female characters either aren’t allowed to do any wrong or are the sole source of wrong in the relationship. And the defining difference there is usually racism. 

Let’s compare the “Dinah is an angel who’s never done anything wrong ever,” approach to the way that fandom treats Jade in comics CheshRoy. The set up is that Roy has been tasked with arresting Jade and brining her in, she doesn’t know about this, he leaves and she doesn’t find out that he was supposed to arrest her until the relationship is over. Roy kidnaps Lian, despite the fact that Jade was contemplating giving up Cheshire for her and yet somehow Jade is still blamed for every issue in this relationship as though Roy isn’t also a responsible for his own actions which contributed to the toxicity. I’ve even seen Jade demonized for her relationship with Catman where she’s been described as callous and heartless for denying him his son, but he helped fake the death of their child who was, like his older sister, kidnaped. 

And these trends persist with other characters outside of the Arrowfam. White woman characters tend to get the “beautiful cinnamon roll can do no evil” treatment while WOC tend to be villainized and the good parts of their characterization, any love they have for others is viewed as manipulation rather than actual affection or a sign of goodness- while their negative traits are often exaggerated in order to paint a wholly one sided picture in which they are an irredeemable villain. And these are written into canon too- especially with the Dragon Lady trope being as prevalent as it is.

It’s just been bothering me a lot about Dinah lately, especially as I’ve been thinking more and more about DinahOllie as a ship and how the dynamics of it work, and why they work (for more of my thoughts on DinahOllie click the link here). 

[bookofmirth]

If you have the time/energy I would love to hear more of your thoughts about Az's persona! He's such an interesting character to me, and I feel like most of the theories I see about him centre around elain, and how his behaviour is mate behaviour (the double bond thing). Personally I think azriel has a lot of anger, isnt very open with his friends, and also feels like he has to be the one to fix everything (this comes out with elain but also all his relationships).

Can I just start this off by saying “what the fuck” at the double/true/created bond thing. I’ve seen some WILD shit out there in the fandom, wild. 

I have been writing and deleting and copy/pasting etc. this post forever and I can’t decide how to approach it, so I hope this makes sense! I didn’t pull out a ton of quotes because tbh it’s a lot of work and I’ve read these books???? So many times. And this is tumblr, not comprehensive exams.

I would agree with your characterization of Azriel! 

Anger - this comes out in really inappropriate times, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns his anger around on himself. We all know that Rhys described his “icy rage”, and later on his “cruel competitiveness”.

Lack of communication - yeah, when has he had a heart-to-heart with anyone in this series? When he does, it’s not about making himself feel better, or sharing his own feelings. It’s to be of service to someone else. All the IC have described trying to reach out to him in their own ways, and not being successful.

Needing to fix things - yes! I see this as his need to be of service. He’s always the first one to jump into work. It took Mor hundreds of years to get him to go to Rita’s, right? He’s a workaholic in a world with no labor laws. He always wants to be the one in charge of gathering intel, of finding people, or fixing problems. I think this is closely tied to two things: his lack of self-worth, and his anger. If he can stay busy enough and work hard enough, he can prove his worth to other people, if not to himself. This is why he loses it when Rhys or Feyre tell him that he can’t handle something. 

Funny thing, but people who have followed my blog since early 2017 know that I shipped moriel hardcore. I just loved it. I wrote so much meta and fanfic. A lot of the arguments that I see now remind me a lot of arguments people used to make about moriel - and it makes sense! Az’s behavior around both Mor and Elain are eerily similar. So I thought I’d compare his behavior towards them because that can tell us about his character!

To me, his treatment of Elain (and Mor) comes down to two things:

What his mother and Mor suffered (and he was unable to prevent), and

His lack of self-worth due to abuse 

Azriel and Mor didn’t know one another very long before she slept with Cassian and was left brutalized by her family. This happened when they were all in their late teens, which is not long after Azriel was tortured by his brothers, rarely let outside, and rarely got to see his mother. At the same time that Azriel sees his mother treated so poorly, he then feels intense guilt and rage at what happens to Mor. It’s enough to make him overreact in the future, any time that Mor (or another female) is in danger. So here are a bunch of examples of him being overprotective of Mor and Elain. But mostly Mor.

In acomaf, Azriel has the audacity to tell Mor no, that she can’t go to the human lands (chapter 41)

“I fought in the War, you will do well to remember-”

“No,” Azriel said again, refusing to break her stare. His shifting wings rasped against the back of his chair. “The would string you up and make an example of you.”

At the end of acomaf he is still highly protective of Mor

Azriel’s head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, “Don’t you touch her.”

Mor looked at Azriel - and there was real fear there. Fear - and something else. She didn’t stop moving until she again kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed-but covered her bloody fingers with his own.

Then in acowar, of course, he explodes at the High Lord meeting after Eris says that Mor dresses like a slut:

Azriel stopped.

Eris gasped for air as those scarred hands loosened. As Azriel turned his face towards me-

The frozen rage there rooted me to the spot. 

But beneath it, I could almost see the image that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys.

And now, behind us, Mor was shaking in her chair. Pale and shaking.

And of course in acowar Azriel goes with Feyre to rescue Elain. This ties together all of his issues with Mor and his mother. IMHO, Azriel sees Elain as a second chance. He saves Elain in a way he failed to save Mor, and so he begins to transfer his need to protect and serve onto her.

Azriel’s refusal to let Mor assist in dangerous situations is similar to how he says no, Elain cannot help.

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

*Note that it’s an “outright sign of temper” - not an outright sign of protectiveness, or caring, or concern, or worry. 

If being protective of another character is “mate behavior” or sign of a mating bond, then Azriel and Mor would be mated. There is far more evidence of him being overprotective of her than of Elain. So while we know that mates are protective (naturally!), Azriel’s protective tendencies are coming from something else - a combination of his failures to protect his mother and Mor.

In acofas, what Cassian jokes is Az being a stickler for manners in forcing everyone to wait for Elain, Rhys explains as being related to Azriel’s mother - not Elain or Cassian.

Rhys took a bite, gesturing with his knife for me to eat. Let’s just say it hit a little close to home. At my beat of confusion, he added, There are some scars when it comes to how his mother was treated. Many scars.

Again, it seems all well and good that Az was thinking about being polite, but Rhys tells us that it’s because of Azriel’s mommy issues! Which are understandable and important, but a clear example of Azriel trying to make up for poor treatment in one woman by overreacting around another.

In the acosf POV, when Az questions why he wasn’t mated with Elain (and he can smell bonds so wouldn’t he smell his own?) it’s not so much about Elain as the fact that he feels he did everything right this time. He saved the damsel. He was of service. Elain is safe and healthy and she seems much more amenable than Mor ever has. So what did he do wrong? This is the source of his anger, combined with his loneliness and desire for a shiny lovely mating bond of his own. 

When we think about Azriel’s motivations, it comes down to service and self-worth. He sees his main value or purpose as saving others from harm, and when he was barely into adulthood he failed in that duty for the two most important women in his life. Hence his need to overcompensate around Mor, and now Elain.

[harpersplay]

Genuine non-troll white woman here - you wrote "So I already knew that Good Girls was a white feminism phantasmagoria...But, jesus fucking christ, y'all are just showing your true colours lately. The way you talk about a MOC in relation to a white woman is disgusting." Not asking you to call out specific people or posts or start any kind of flame war but what would be a general example of what you are talking about? I follow a good chunk of people and I'm not seeing this maybe b/c I'm not following the same people, maybe out of willful blindness, maybe I'm not recognizing it - again, b/c of ignorance, etc. Just trying to understand what you mean - and not do it obviously, if I am doing it.

I apologise for taking a longish time to answer this. Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to get into it. Anyway, I'd first like to say that this is all my opinion. What bothers me might not bother someone else. BIPOC are not a monolith. Even subsections aren't. Not all Mexican trans men are a monolith. Neither are all Japanese lesbians. You get the idea. And that's not even including people like Ben Carson or Caitlyn Jenner—people who support and work for policies that actively harm the marginalised group of which they are a part. Secondly, I know this isn't your intention, but asking POC to tell you what is ok to do and what is not is a slippery slope to "my [blank] friend said this was ok." Finally, the fandom is quite small so it is pretty hard to give general examples. I don't know if it's more trouble to quote specific posts or not, because some will think it is about them anyway. Anything I'm going to mention I've seen on Tumblr, Instagram, Reddit and/or Twitter. But there are definitely popular Tumblr blogs that all push the same narrative. Oh, and one last thing, I haven't seen any of what I'm referring to from people I follow.

Ok, let's go. For a very long time, mainly WOC have pointed out the racial problems within the show and the extremely dismissive attitude about those problems from mainly white women. And while these same women have written thousands (even tens of thousands) or words about Beth (it's always Beth) and her struggles and the amazingness of such a complex female character (ymmv), they brush aside commentary about racism as either nitpicking, not understanding the show is about the 3 women (tell that to all the white men with fleshed-out storylines), or misogyny. The last is especially hostile because they are often talking over Black women and misogynoir is a very real fucking thing that couples the fun of being hated for being a woman with the delight of good old-fashioned racism. They espouse the idea that people having a problem with Beth are all covert & overt misogynists. But talk out the other side of their mouths that they can't possibly be racist even when they support racism in the show or ignore concerns brought up by fans of colour. And that is just the absolute height of hypocrisy. Because by the former they acknowledge that people in a marginalised group (women) can still be anti- that group (a phenomenon with which I agree). But in the latter, suddenly they don't understand that concept.

Specific to the post you are responding to, fans that purport to like Brio write about the relationship in ways that reveal how much of their enjoyment comes from Rio being inferior to Beth. It's all about what he can do for her, how he acts against his best interests for her, how he literally denies himself sexual pleasure for her. Those are all meant to show how in love he is with her. But the show never bothers to tell us why. And, no, this is not because the show is so deep. Other romantic relationships they have scenes that are explicit about the characters' feelings. But Rio, after being shot, after being betrayed, after being mocked, is just so in love with Beth....because. (MYSTERIOUS!) And the Beth stans are more than fine with this because they think everyone should be as obsessed with Beth as they are. But it's bad storytelling. And, in this particular case, it gets into very dicey racist tropes. A white women treating her Latino lover like an afterthought is not the same as a white women treating her white lover like an afterthought. It just isn't. And if some of these fans are as smart as they pretend to be, they know that. They just don't care. Much like the showrunners.

There was so much talk defending the drawn-out Boland marriage because why can't we understand how hard it is for Beth—who is, at various times, claimed to be emotionally abused by Dean or staying with him because it is safe and comfortable—and we don't appreciate how difficult it is for her (I may be one of the few divorced people talking about this show on Tumblr, so this has always made me laugh). Yet there was nothing but glee when Rio flipped on his brousin (who was written as both abusive and safe) for Beth. Where was the empathy for Rio and how hard it was for him? Especially because, unlike Beth, he didn't even have one parent? Hadn't the Beth stans used her very tragical history™️ to explain away her every shitty act? idk, not having any parents and going to jail (as a minor?) and being betrayed by your family seems pretty tragic. But I didn't see them all of a sudden excusing Rio's bad behaviour. Because, feminism or something?

What about Beth's feelings? Last season she spent trying to have him killed. This season she spent looking annoyed by him. Throughout both she talked down to him in a specific white woman way that every BIPOC has experienced, even if some of them are cool with it. There were multiple opportunites for Beth to talk about her feelings with Ruby and/or Annie, but the writers made the deliberate choice to always make it about sex (and god, the immature way they had these three grown women talk was fucking obnoxious). She spent the last 2 seasons also wanting him out of her life to the point that a majority of her actions in S4 were motivated by getting to Nevada with her husband and kids. Beth doesn't care about Rio but Rio needs to put Beth above everything because he's just so in love like he's never been before (which is blatant Marcus & Rhea erasure). And anyone who doesn't think Beth would have just as happily been sitting on that bench plotting how to "run the city" (hahahahaha!) with Nick if the situation worked out differently hasn't been paying attention.

So, what do we have? A white woman who is constantly excused (by the loudest portion of the fandom) for all her ill treatment to her Black BFF & her Black husband, her Asian coworker, her Latina "friend," and Rio (among others) because her life is hard and who is not required to even be nice to her supposed "endgame". And a MOC who is expected to accept being treated poorly by the white woman because he loves her.

And, a last thing, this attitude grossly crossed over into talk about real people when the fans—who self-righteously claimed to be above anon sources or talking about the actors—latched on to the narrative and enjoyed blaming the MOC actor for the cancellation of the show, even dragging his insignificant (in terms of influence) Black wife into it. All while conveniently ignoring that the creator/showrunner is a white woman. The star & producer is a white woman. The people making the decisions at NBCU & Netflix were white women. All white women with so much more power than the Latino actor.

Shit, did I answer your question? I know this is a lot. But I could honestly make mulitple posts on each issue I touched on here. Basically, white people ain't slick, be they content creators or fans. We see how & what y'all talk about. We see that Rio not having a last name is not a big deal to you and we know why that is. So we're fucking tired. And we're over a show that had so much potential crapping all over their POC characters to prop up a white woman. And we're repulsed by the white women in the fandom who use their tears to seem oppressed and who toss around the word misogynist because POC dare call a Karen a Karen.

[thenexusofsouls]

Muse: Stephen Strange

[Bio and other information below the cut!]

Type of Character & Fandom/Source Material: Canon character from the Marvel fandom (MCU-based only, I know very little about Stephen’s comics, unfortunately)

FC: Benedict Cumberbatch as Stephen Strange

Race: Human (non-mutant)

Age: Late 30s through mid-40s, depending on timeline

Sexual/Romantic Orientation: Heterosexual / Heteroromantic

Occupation: Neurosurgeon (retired); Sorcerer Supreme (retired); Master of the Mystic Arts and Guardian of Earth (current), based out of the Sanctum Sanctorum in Greenwich Village in New York City.

Family: Parents (deceased); brother, Victor (deceased, car accident); sister, Donna (deceased, drowning); several friends in the Avengers and at the Sanctum Sanctorum that are basically his support network for a lot of purposes/reasons; Wong is like family at this point

Potentially Triggering Material in Threads: There may be discussions about medical topics, nerve damage, trauma and aspects of mental illness and stress, nightmares, and anything involving the Darkhold might mention demons, moral corruption, and/or mind control.

Negative Personality Traits: Impulsivity, arrogance, having a god complex, at times being a straight-up hypocrite with regard to flaws/mistakes/shortcomings he sees in others but fails to see in himself. He has good intentions but often goes about things the wrong way, too quickly without thinking, or allows his emotions to drive him too much. He is controlling by nature, wanting to be in the driver’s seat, so to speak, when making important decisions. This stems from the death of his sister, which he feels directly responsible for. Since that happened, Stephen does not deal well with loss of control, feelings of powerlessness, or with emotions like guilt and regret. Very often his tough love or harsh treatment/words with others is a projection of his own insecurities, feelings of failure, and disappointment in himself. His rather large ego never lets him admit that aloud, however.

Also just FYI, my version of him usually comes out a bit more skewed towards sarcastic, cynical, critical, defensive, guarded, and sometimes unfortunately even a little bit mean, especially when his comments/actions are fueled by an uncomfortable emotion on his end, such as regret, guilt, or embarrassment. This is especially true for post-DSitMoM threads, because he blames himself for many things. Instead of trying to make him more canon, I’ve decided just to embrace the way he’s been coming out in my writing thus far. He’s not a complete jerk all the time, though, so don’t worry... but he is skewed a bit darker than straight MCU canon. His psychological demons play much more of an active role in influencing his moods, mindset, and actions than in canon, shall we say. 

Positive Personality Traits: Stephen has a great sense of humor, and he can be very kind, brave, and even selfless. It’s selective, but he can also have strong protective instincts, especially for women and children (e.g. for Christine, America, Peter). And there must be something good about him if he has a strong drive to protect Earth-616 and the multiverse. He is often the adult in the room, making the difficult decisions no one else wants to, but he’d have it no other way. He doesn’t shy away from responsibility or important decisions, he only fears failing somehow. He’s resilient and strong-willed, able to endure a lot psychologically while still holding himself together pretty well. If you have his friendship, love, or loyalty, he will go the distance for you, even die for you, if that’s the best course of action. If you’ve managed to get into his inner circle of friends, he’ll be there for you whenever you need it, regardless of how much it may hurt him.

Background: Because he’s not an original character and his background is really long and detailed, I’m going to refer you to his MCU Wiki page. Just be warned that there are major spoilers for Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness there!

Potential Starter/Thread Ideas: 

Your muse could be seeking shelter, could have a magical problem that needs sorting out, or could just need someone to talk to for a situation yet to be specified.

Any plots from any movies are up for grabs, if we want to change some things around or explore decisions not made, paths not taken, etc.

I’d love to do some pre- and post-DSitMoM threads, especially ones that might prevent the events of the movie from happening at all. I don’t want to get into detail because I’m trying to keep this post spoiler-free, but Strange actually helping Wanda in any way would be a worthwhile topic to explore.

On that same note, going back as far as Westview and all that, it’d be interesting to see Strange intervening somehow or getting involved beforehand to prevent the Hex from even happening.

Give me all the Peter Parker threads!

Also interactions with other canon characters and OCs we haven’t seen much of with him yet would be interesting!

Fun facts:

If asked, Stephen will say that his favorite tea is chamomile, but that’s because he feels his actual favorite is a little weird. He actually loves mint tea with lemon. People have made faces before and he’s gotten the impression that it’s perhaps not the most accepted combination of flavors, so he avoids the subject by just saying chamomile. But he’ll make his favorite tea first thing in the morning and it helps to wake him up. Sometimes he also drinks it while studying. 

Stephen loves to travel! Aside from going back and forth regularly between the Sanctum and Kamar-Taj, he loves to learn and soaks up information like a sponge, so he frequents museums and other interesting sites around the world. It’s enjoyable and relaxing for him... assuming no aliens attack. But there is a somber underlying reason for his traveling. Stephen is a very lonely man. Without family and having lost Christine, he often seeks to fill idle time so he’s not alone with his thoughts. Exercising his brain by going to museums or other culturally important sties around the world helps stave off the loneliness and helps him to feel better about himself in his lower moments.

Not so much a fun fact but a headcanon I have for him is, although Stephen does have significant nerve damage in his hands that limits the mobility of his fingers and wrists and causes tremors, there is also a psychosomatic element to it at times. If he’s not thinking about his hands or if he’s concentrating hard on doing something else, like casting a spell, his hands will often be much steadier and even his mobility will seem better and more fluid. His tremors may disappear completely. But if someone comments or points out his hands, or if he’s having a moment and looking at them, he’ll start to feel shame, embarrassment, and frustration. That anxiety will make his hands tremble and he may start to perceive tightness and pain he didn’t have before, which then makes him stiffer and more guarded in his movements. The more he dwells on it, the worse it will get, which will then make him more anxious, and so on. It’s a bad cycle, and distraction or meditation are often the only things that help break the cycle.

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[concussed-to-pieces]

The Mettle Of A Man; Part Seventeen

Fandom: Fallout (4)

Pairing: Eventual Paladin Danse/Female Sole Survivor

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Tagging @anonymouscosmos, @culturalrebel, @mercy-and-malice, @deepkittycollecto and @nelba! Enjoy!

Part One: ArcJet

Part Two: The Prydwen

Part Three: Orders

Part Four: Finding Brandis

Part Five: Weston Water And Oberland

Part Six: Meeting Preston And Matthew

Part Seven: Radstag And Radstorm

Part Eight: The Return To Sanctuary Hills

Part Nine: Domestic Ruminations

Part Ten: Institutionalized

Part Eleven: Two Weeks, Three Days

Part Twelve: Haylen’s Warning And The Glowing Sea

Part Thirteen: Under Fire

Part Fourteen: Dichotomy

Part Fifteen: The Litany Trial

Part Sixteen: Nice Try

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains intense recounts of previous abuse, intense depictions of self-loathing, self-deprecation and brief mentions of depression. Stay safe!]

Cade caught Danse before he could depart after the rest of their unofficial 'war council' had been dismissed, the medical officer inquiring, "How are you coping, Paladin? I hope that your adjustment to your newfound knowledge is going well." The arch of his eyebrow indicated plainly that Cade was looking for a clear answer, possibly to dissuade his own concerns.

  "I am still uncertain, Knight-Captain Cade." Danse stated bluntly. "I know that Quinlan's reports are accurate. I know that I must be a synth. But it is...it's difficult to wrap my head around it."

  "My door is always open, Danse. As it's been since the day you were assigned to the Prydwen." Cade reminded him. "I can't say I've ever had the pleasure of doing a mental evaluation on a synth, but…" he trailed off thoughtfully. "Hmm, that's not quite right. You and I have had sessions before. Maybe synths aren't so different in their cognition. Perhaps this is a nature versus nurture scenario."

  "Perhaps." Danse allowed, but he knew that he sounded less than optimistic.

  "Maybe in a day or two, once everything has calmed down and you've had time to think?" Cade suggested. "Collect your thoughts, then come see me and we can discuss your current state and the repercussions of Maxson's treatment."

  The paladin nodded, relieved that Cade didn't wish to immediately evaluate him. It had been an incredibly stressful and arduous several weeks. More than anything, the paladin was longing to finally get some sleep.

  After he spoke to Haylen and Rhys, of course. They deserved his gratitude, if only for their combined efforts in delivering the tip-off that had literally saved his life. To say nothing of their care for Elizabeth in his absence, even though they were unable to free her. They had kept her alive, and that was more than the paladin had dared to hope for.

  Danse watched Cade depart, his mind miles away now. Backhand would be incredibly busy in the lead up to the assault. He felt almost irritated by that; it was unfair to ask so much of her so soon after what had transpired. But the luxury of time was no longer on their side. Danse understood, in a practical sense, that they needed to strike as fast as possible. It was entirely within reason that the Institute already knew of their plans and were preparing their own countermeasures.

  It still didn't erase the hollow sensation in his gut, the fear that Backhand was all too willing to stretch herself paper-thin for her various factions. He promised himself then and there that he would do his best to absorb some of the burden. 

  As much as she would allow. 

  The memory of her ripping her knuckles apart on the manual release of his armor, talking to Matthew's parents, taking her helmet off and smiling at him. Thank you, Danse or I thought you were dead or please don't do that to me again --

  Danse chewed anxiously on his lower lip. As much as she would allow. As much as he could feasibly handle. It should have felt odd that he was trading one leader for another, but Danse could only rationalize that it must be another portion of his programming. 

  "Paladin Danse, sir?" 

  Rhys . Danse started, turning around. He hadn't even heard the knight approach down the catwalk. Hell, he hadn't even realized he was spacing out in the hallway. "Yes, Knight?" He replied, nodding out of habit to acknowledge Haylen beside Rhys.

  "Elder Brandis said you wanted to see us, sir." The knight stated, sounding a bit hesitant. "He said we needed to discuss...certain things."

  Of course he did . Danse sighed heavily, bracing himself for some level of a disappointment-fueled tirade.

  "Danse, I'm so sorry." Haylen blurted out, her voice shaking. Danse was startled, tilting his head while she carried on, "I wish there had been some other way for me to tell you. You must have been terrified ." 

  "I was certainly confused, if nothing else." The paladin admitted with a wry smile. "I am immensely grateful to both of you, regardless of my own trials. You followed your training and stuck to your guns, and I couldn't be more proud." He deflated slightly. "Even if the pride of a synth means precious little."

  "The synth shit doesn't matter to either of us, sir." Rhys muttered. "We don't care. We're just glad you're back and that Maxson didn't manage to kill you. That's the important part, right?"

  "In a way." Danse agreed, grimacing. "Our battle is far from over, however."

  "Hey, we're doing something. That's more than a lot of people can say." Haylen reasoned, ever the optimist. "I've got faith in whatever plan you guys come up with."

  "Thank you for believing in me." The paladin murmured, giving the only surviving members of Squad Gladius a stiff salute. 

  "We know you, sir. You protected us, trained us. Built us up from basically nothing." Rhys sounded angry, his typically-sullen expression gone even more sour. "You think we could ever turn our backs on you? You're not that stupid."

  Haylen began to protest, "Rhys-"

  "Haylen, you and I both know he'll just self-deprecate until he dissolves. I'm not letting that happen." Rhys grumbled at the scribe, who fell silent at his reasoning. Her eyes were narrowed to slits and the sight was immensely entertaining to Danse, who couldn't keep a nervous chuckle from bubbling up in his throat.

  "I'm certain the two of you are aware of the devastating depression you dragged me out of all those years ago in the Capital Wasteland." Danse clapped Rhys on the shoulder and caught Haylen up in a rare one-armed hug. "How many times will you two save me? Should I start taking you for granted?" 

  "Paladin Danse, sir, w-we…" Haylen trailed off, her lower lip quivering. She buried her face in Danse's ribs and Rhys grunted.

  "Haylen, c'mon . Pull it together." He huffed, his own eyes looking suspiciously wet. "Listen, sir, I think I've made our position pretty clear. We follow your orders. Learning about that shit with Maxson-"

  "I'm so angry! " Haylen interrupted him, glaring upwards. "God Danse, I'm furious . What he did to you is unforgivable, inexcusable." She announced hotly. "Everyone assumed something was going on, but we also assumed it was consensual ."

  " 'Everyone' ?" Danse echoed, a weird surge of retroactive embarrassment seizing his body. "I suppose I should be thankful you all were so willing to offer me the illusion of privacy." He mumbled.

  "He's never coming anywhere near you again, sir." Rhys stated, his jaw set in an angry scowl. "I don't care if he's the last of the Maxson line. I'll break his fucking skull."

  His words stirred Danse's guilt to life, the ugly feeling rearing its head once more. "It is a difficult situation to be in. I do not envy our elders, past or present." Danse tried to pose the sentence with a modicum of compassion, though he was unsure of the attempt's success. The paladin knew that despite Maxson's position of power, Danse bore a majority of the blame for not standing up to the elder until it was too late to prevent his spiral.

  "Difficult, my ass ." Rhys growled under his breath.

  …

  "So we've got Preston, someone by the name of John D., the…" Ingram narrowed her eyes at the readout. " Atom Cats ?"

  "Yep. Real into their power armor. And Zeke owes me a favor." Backhand explained, continuing to scroll through her Pip Boy notes. "If I can get them to walk across the pond and cover the Castle, that will free up more Minutemen to join us."

  "Should I ask how you managed to ingratiate yourself with so many of these people?" 

  "I'm a sucker for a lost cause." Vega answered, her tone dry. 

  Ingram snorted, shaking her head. "Lucky for us, I imagine. Also lucky for us that you're the forgiving sort."

  "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Proctor." Backhand retorted. "I'm just not yet in a position to combat your aerial superiority."

  "Whew, gonna' file that one away for later consideration."

  A soft knock on the comm doorway interrupted the two women, and Vega turned to see Danse peering cautiously into the room. "Paladin! You're just in time, we were about to start rallying the troops. Want to lend a hand?" 

  "What needs to be done, General Vega?" The paladin asked, his posture gone stiff and proper. 

  Backhand could feel her smile dim slightly, but she reined herself in. They had all been through so much, she reasoned, and old habits were usually a comfort. "Well, I've got a few calls to make on my own, but if you can get in touch with Lieutenant Garvey that would be a huge help."

  "Understood." 

  Proctor Ingram (who had been watching their exchange with poorly-veiled interest) stepped out of the way so that Danse could settle down at the desk alongside one of their many radio switchboards. "Vega, I think the two of you can handle this." The older woman remarked, giving Elizabeth a sly wink behind Danse's back. "I'll start whipping the base camp into shape. Make myself useful, y'know. Ad Victoriam."

  Vega went bright red as Ingram saluted, the proctor sporting an absolutely infuriating smirk. "B-But Proctor--"

  "No buts! You guys handle the easy stuff. I'll manage the elbow grease." Ingram then mouthed talk to him! , before strolling out of the comm area. Backhand swore under her breath, thumping her fist into the desk in mute frustration. 

  "I can leave, General Vega." Danse offered, making her start and whirl to face him.

  "No no! No, uh, you're fine. You're not the problem here." Vega assured him, waving her hands nervously. "I'm just...I'm a little uptight, that's all."

  "Will your forces refuse to join us?" The paladin asked, his rigid posture easing slightly as he tipped his head back to look up at her. He continued in an undertone, "Would it be simpler to do it with your troops alone? Do you truly need the Brotherhood?"

  "We do need the Brotherhood, yes. But I don't think we'll need them for the fighting. We'll need them for the mass casualty options and the refugee care after the fact." Backhand began to pace, mostly so she didn't have to maintain eye contact. The paladin looked fatigued yet determined, and it pained her to know that rest was still so far away for them. Rest and the possibility of actually speaking with him about the thing that had been on her mind in one form or another since…

  Well, it had been a long time.

  "We'll need help rebuilding more than anything. Not a lot of settlements will be keen to take on synths, so I'll need to figure out some kind of alternative. I really need to talk with Nick and Dea--er, John D ., and get their input on this whole engagement." Backhand rubbed her temples. "And here I thought getting in would be the hard part!" She tried to joke. 

  After a moment of silence, Vega heard Danse clear his throat. "General... Elizabeth , I know you already have many responsibilities, all of them miles more important than my own struggles."

  Backhand looked over at him expectantly, a little confused. 

  "I have to give Cade a full report." The tall man said abruptly. "I...he wants to know everything that's transpired." He stared down at the floor, the heel of his boot scuffing the grating beneath them as he rushed to add, "I know it's selfish of me to ask you to--I mean, you've been through so much, b-but I was...rather, I am uncertain of this endeavor, and my ability to maintain my composure during it. You tend to have a mollifying effect on me for some reason."

  "You want me to be present when you give your medical officer the full rundown?" Vega raised an eyebrow, further confused. Danse was a soldier , surely he had endured a full physical before?

  "I am overly anxious. It means reliving some portions of my past that I find...traumatic."

  "Oh." Oh . Backhand felt stupid as the truth dawned on her. Everything that's transpired . Of course Danse would want someone he trusted with him, this wasn't a physical exam at all. "What about Haylen or Rhys? Are they more appraised of the situation?"

  Danse was shaking his head before she had even finished. "I did my best to keep everything that happened quiet, though it appears that I was unsuccessful. I was told that was my only option, and I did not wish to disobey Maxson's orders." 

  "That fuckin' asshole." Vega growled. "Alright, if you're sure it's me you want with you, I'm here."

  "You don't have t--er, that is, I regret taking up more of your valuable time, General Vega. I promise after this meeting with Cade, I will be fully at your disposal." He assured her, seemingly pained by his current state.

  "Danse, I don't care about that. I don't want you better just so you can get used up again, I want you better for you . I'm sorry that all of this robs you of the proper time to regroup, y'know?" Backhand apologized, her words deliberately quiet as she boldly laced her fingers through his own. "Once we're done here, though, you need to take some time off. General's orders."

  "I would have to speak with Elder Brandis on the matter. As his most senior paladin, I am unsure if he would be able to permit me that luxury." Danse replied unhappily, giving her hand a gentle squeeze before he released it. "' A run ashore ', always just out of reach."

  "I'm getting you time off, even if I have to kidnap you myself." 

  The paladin's chuckle in reply to her threat was subdued, but it still sent a frisson of happiness through her body. Backhand choked down the guilt of having those feelings in the first place for just a second, choosing to bask in the warm sensation. 

  "When you're ready, General, I'll need the proper frequencies to speak with the Castle." Danse's request brought her crashing back down to earth, and Vega rushed to oblige him.

  There's always something else to do .

  …

  Two days later, on the cusp of their attack on the Institute, the both of them were seated in Knight-Captain Cade's main office aboard the Prydwen. The older officer sat across from them in the cramped space, a clipboard propped up on his knee.

  "The only questions I'll ask will be strictly for clarity's sake." The knight-captain informed Danse quietly. "If you don't want to answer, that is entirely acceptable and within your right, but the more information we have, the better."

  Danse nodded, the motion stilted. "I understand, Knight-Captain. I'll do my best to cooperate." 

  Vega squeezed his hand. God knew she didn't like this one damn bit, but she was going to stick it out for him. After all, he had gone to bat for her against the elder . Loyalty like that was in short supply. "I'm right here with you, Danse." She said softly. He had gone pasty white beneath his usual windblown complexion, and he gripped her hand wordlessly. 

  "If you could start at the beginning, Paladin. Or as close to it as possible." Cade prompted him.

  "Yes, I...of course." Danse rasped. "The first time we engaged was shortly before the Brotherhood lost Knight Cutler."

  Cade looked at him over his half-moon glasses, seeming perturbed. "That was...so this was a prolonged assault."

  "Not an assault. I did as I was ordered." The dull tone of Danse's voice, the way his eyes had gone almost grey ...Vega wanted to know how the hell Maxson had ever justified this. "I could not bring myself to question Arthur. He came to me, at first simply asking for help even though it was an order. He said he couldn't sleep. I...I never told Cutler. I didn't think it was relevant. I thought I was helping the new elder." Danse looked up at Cade. "I know what it's like to not be able to sleep for all the thoughts in your head."

  "Was there a specific point in time where his behavior shifted? Perhaps when it became more clear to you that there was something wrong?" Backhand was grateful for the delicate way Cade phrased the question.

  "I…" Danse's brow furrowed. "...had just come back with...after what transpired with Cutler. Four days on base. I was furious with Maxson for stationing Cutler out there, furious with myself for not saving Cutler. I was grieving and hurt both physically and emotionally, as you recall." Cade inclined his head. "I assume you also recall the bite on my arm that appeared shortly thereafter. That was a...result of my inability to perform."

  "Ah." Cade murmured, jotting something down.

  Bite? Vega could feel Danse trembling. "I-I was...unable to function or perform for him in a satisfactory manner and that was his method of voicing his frustration with me." Danse swallowed hard. "I was mourning , Cade." He sounded like he was begging the other man to understand, begging him not to judge.

  Perform for him. Backhand sucked in a deep breath through her nose, willing herself to stay silent. 

  "After that, I would just comply. It was never as bad as that time. I would perform for him to the best of my abilities." Danse paused, "but I never sought him out, and nothing occurred without me being ordered to do so." He then proceeded to rattle off a distressingly-long list of dates, every time that Maxson had coerced him. "I was not interested in...well, anyone , after Cutler." He muttered after a brief pause, "the term broken seems fitting." 

  "You weren't allowed proper space to heal yourself after what happened with Cutler. You were injured and then forced to deal with someone who kept prying open your wounds because they enjoyed lording their power over you." Cade theorized, his voice a little sharper. " Broken is not fitting in the slightest, Danse."

  The paladin shrugged. "Whatever the terminology might be, then." 

  " Traumatized , Danse. Emotional wounds take time to heal, just like physical ones. Losing Cutler in the way that we did-"

  "I deserved it!" Danse cut off the medical officer, leaning forward and clenching his free hand on his knee. "I failed Cutler, Cade! I should have gone after him sooner! The treatment from Maxson is what I deserved ." His eyes were wild, frantic. "He's an abuser, but I am a man deserving of every last instance of that abuse for my inaction when it came to Cutler!" The paladin reasoned intensely.

  Cade sighed, rifling through his clipboard. "Danse, you did not deserve or garner punishment for the consequences of Maxson's orders." He informed the other man quietly. "You were simply a man who lost someone that he cared deeply about."

  "And to find out that I'm not even that much!" Danse spat. "I'm still trying to cope with the reality that I am a living lie . My identity as Paladin Danse is nothing but a memory now. Everything I held dear, everything I ever believed in is completely gone. Can you imagine how that feels?" Danse was nearly shouting at this point, moving to stand. "I started out as nothing , and I've ended up as nothing . And I don't know what the hell to do about it!" 

  Backhand brought her hand up over his elbow, hauling him back down into his seat. " Listen to Cade, Danse." She growled. The paladin fought her grip briefly, but ultimately slumped in the chair. Good thing too, Vega wasn't exactly up to full strength just yet. The large man was shaking again, his breathing coming in harsh bursts. "It's okay, it's okay." Vega found herself repeating the phrase, rubbing circles on his back between his shoulder blades. Many members of military factions found repetition comforting and Danse appeared to be no exception, the large man heaving a massive sigh under the weight of her hand.

  "Danse, I'll fully admit to being out of my element here. I never expected to have to treat a synth." Knight-Captain Cade said plainly. "However, I've known you for many years. We have an established rapport. Your body is indistinguishable from an ordinary human body, as proved by my records. Your mental processes and pain responses are normal for a human. I suppose what I'm trying to say is learning that you are a synth may not change all that much, despite what you may be feeling."

  Danse choked out a forlorn noise that might have been a sob, burying his face in his hands. "I'm so confused." He confessed plaintively. "You're saying I did not deserve punishment for my failings, but...how else am I supposed to atone for Cutler?" He looked up, tears welling up in his eyes. "How am I supposed to reconcile with these human emotions, Cade? I barely kept myself under control when I believed I was human!"

  "Your feelings have always run deep, Danse. Your empathy for your fellow man has landed you in hot water more than once." Cade gestured at Vega. "According to our infiltrator, even the most brutal of synths feel regret and remorse just like we do, though they have not been taught how to cope with it."

  "I still feel like a human. Nothing feels different, yet now I constantly second-guess everything I do. I've had a plan from the beginning to shape my future, but I have to wonder about whether that's a lie as well." Danse remarked bitterly. "I had...I had hoped…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter."

  Backhand could feel her heart breaking the longer he spoke. His true identity was an immense blow to him, and on top of it he was still struggling under the burden of the guilt he carried due to Cutler's demise. He blamed himself for Arthur's demands. 

  "Listen to Cade, Danse." She urged. Her hand was essentially on autopilot as she traced small patterns on the center of his back, moving up and down his spine without rhyme or reason. "You're not to blame for what Maxson did. It's not yours to bear. Trust me, coming from someone who's more than willing to take on other folk's problems, that weight is not yours."

  "But-"

  "You trust me, right?" Vega interrupted him softly, cupping his face so that he had to look at her.

  "With my life, General Vega." 

  The rapid sincerity of his reply startled her and Backhand needed to take a moment, steeling herself yet again. "I know you trust Cade too, and I know this won't be a quick or easy process. But you accepting that whatever happened was not your fault would be a huge first step."

  "I...If I do…" Danse paused, hesitating. "Vega, if I forget about him..."

  "Hey, nobody said anything about forgetting. You told me about Cutler, about how important he was to you. There's no way someone like you could forget about him. But you need to forgive yourself, you have to understand that losing him was not your fault." Once more she found herself in over her head, but she did her best to tell him all the things she wished someone had told her when Sergeant Cathan had died.

  "He was...he was everything to me." Danse's voice cracked. "And I had to--I had to, he was...I had to."

  "What happened to Cutler and his team was an immense tragedy, and a needless one at that." Cade spoke up from his seat, his brow furrowed. "Maxson outed himself quite thoroughly during the trial, I would say. It will be difficult for him to explain his actions away when so many witnesses heard exactly what he said." 

  Elizabeth felt Danse go still, the paladin hanging on to Cade's every word. "Am I even permitted to be happy that he may face consequences?" He asked uncertainly, wringing his hands. "Is that a breach of protocol, Knight-Captain?"

  The medical officer shifted his weight, leaning forward to prop himself up with his elbows on his knees. "I can't promise you swift justice, you know how the Brotherhood operates. But Arthur invoked the right of a litany trial, then proceeded to break his own terms. To say nothing of the fact that he nearly killed someone uninvolved in the trial." Cade shook his head. "His abuse flourished in secrecy. Now that everything is out in the open, I do not believe even his status as the last Maxson will sway the other elders when they pass judgement."

  "Thank you, Knight-Captain." Danse closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "I...thank you, Vega." He continued, a little quieter. He caught her hand in his own, giving it a cautious squeeze. Almost as if he was imitating her gesture from earlier in the week. "I have so much to think about."

  "Agreed. Shall I put in a request to Brandis for a leave of absence?"

  Danse visibly recoiled at Cade's suggestion, his eyes going wide in dismay. "No! No, I am needed, Knight-Captain. After our assault has been carried out, and the Institute has been wiped from the map, I…" he hesitated, like the words were caught in his throat. "I will gladly take a leave. Until then, however, there is still work to do."

  "There is always work to do, Paladin." Cade chided. "Remember what I told you? You will burn yourself out and the Brotherhood can ill afford to lose you."

  "I'll see to it that he takes time off after our successful operation." Backhand stated firmly. Cade raised an eyebrow at that and Danse flushed across the bridge of his nose, stuttering a little. "Your health is important to me, Danse. You can be as stubborn as you want, but I'm not letting you weasel out of this." 

  "I suppose that will have to do." Cade sighed. "Do you have any questions for me, Paladin?"

  Danse shot a sidelong glance at Vega that she was relatively certain she wasn't supposed to see, the large man worrying his lower lip. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part, though, as Danse shook his head after a moment. "No, I...I just have some reflection to do." He got to his feet abruptly, saluting both Cade and Elizabeth. "Ad Victoriam, Knight-Captain. Ad Victoriam, General Vega."

  Cade returned the salute absently, already absorbed in writing something else down. Vega was a little slower, her query of, "do you need me, Danse?" coming out softer than she had intended.

  She wanted to believe that the paladin hesitated before he replied, "No, General Vega. I can manage."

Part Eighteen

[meikuree]

list 10 different female faves from 10 different fandoms

I was tagged by @chocochipbiscuit for this ages ago but I’m only getting around to this now because I wanted to find a time when I could just sit down and GUSH about my faves with abandon... hence the lateness... thank you for the tag though, i love doing these things!! this got LONG because i am horrifically verbose, so i’m putting this under a cut:

1. aerith gainsborough (final fantasy vii): probably my earliest fictional crush/fave ever... one of my siblings used to let me watch her play ff7 when i was eight or nine-ish and i've loved aerith since then. i adore her because she's so selflessly compassionate and nurturing -- she's been through an incredible amount of loss and metaphysical loneliness (as the last remaining person of her race) but she still channels her energies towards Greater Causes and uplifting others! and she's still wonderfully modest and down-to-earth about it all and just a Thoroughly Good person in general... one of my comfort characters :,)

2. bethany hawke (dragon age 2): honestly i love all the women in the DA series & can wax poetic about them all in equal degree, such that sticking to one fave per game is in fact even harder than the time i had to sit for the final exams for my degree, but... bethany is probably one of my first picks. i've always found it interesting how she's in immediate senses the more pleasant of the two DA2 siblings to get along with and at the same time someone who is Good but willing to fudge her morals just this side of ambiguity a little. that sort of goodness that coexists with moral flexibility and understanding of practical realities is what draws me to her... basically Goodness With An Edge. also the fact that she is in fact very wise beneath her innocent/youthful exterior and Quietly Competent and is someone who gravitates towards mentoring others while in abject structural/personal circumstances in some storyline choices!! i have a type!!

3. furiosa (mad max fury road): i really love furiosa's story and the way her background and heritage drives the plot. the fact that she's tried to keep her heritage alive all these years... the way she derives her strength and identity from the community where she was raised by women... and then the moment she realises that her old community is gone always get me GODDDD. and then the fact that that moment catalyses one of the most profound realisations in the film afterwards, and leads to the protagonists turning around to revolutionise a violent regime afterwards!! it's all about the loss, and resilience, and quiet, stalwart persistence in spite of it all.

4. franziska von karma (ace attorney): i like hypercompetent characters. franziska is, in the narrative, a woman who was a hypercompetent child prodigy. but i don't love her for that; i love her for the development she undergoes afterwards when she learns to accept failure and become more emotionally measured in general (i think... it's been a while since i've played these games). i also find it very funny that she's mean and abrasive to everyone but has a soft spot for women and young girls like pearl and alternately CARES deeply about how they perceive her or goes out of her way to help them. #franziskaisalesbian anyone?

5. janai (the dragon prince): um, she is incredibly beautiful. honourable warrior who is deeply loyal to her sister and homeland and then learns to look beyond received narratives about racial enmity and hatred? i'm sold. i also love the development of her relationship with amaya.

6. ianthe tridentarius (the locked tomb): honourable mention to this horrible, gremlin girl for being the reason I picked up these books!! she’s a walking bag of moral transgressions and I Enjoy It So Much, IT IS SO REFRESHING. I also appreciate the fact that her particular brand of abhorrence is presented in the narrative free of moralitis, or sententious attempts to link it to gendered failings (e.g. the failure to embody ideal precepts of gender)... which is the treatment Evil Women are often subjected to in stories. Ianthe is Rotten, full stop, and there aren’t any notable attempts to graft an exonerative backstory over it, but also no attempts (yet) to unfairly penalise her for Garbage Moralistic Commentary. at the same time she’s not blandly, beigely villainous either; she is capable of a certain degree of care, however warped or fucked up its actualisation might be. she is complex! in all, a very delicious character. 10/10.

7. harrowhark nonagesimus (the locked tomb): breaking the one-fave-per-fandom rule for TLT because it is that special. I don’t regard harrow as a fave in the sense that I “love her with all my heart” like with aerith or bethany (gideon would take that place, actually -- she's the moral compass of the series!) — it’s more that I love the trajectory she undergoes in harrow the ninth. but I also really enjoy how thorny, difficult, and (morally, but not only) complex she is. I find the meditations on her grief, loneliness, and devotion in Harrow the Ninth comforting and beautiful, as do I the framing of her insanity/madness.

8. billie lurk (dishonored): oh boy, I love how jaded and embittered she is, and the way she's very flawed and human as well... the broad thematic flavours in her backstory of regret over committing ~irredeemable crimes~ and being haunted by your past, and dwelling within the grittier side of life are all very compelling to me! her perspective as someone who is Not A Chosen One and an anti-heroine is refreshing too

9. leliana (dragon age: inquisition): cheating for this one by counting this as a separate game from DA2, hah. she is immensely Intimidating and Cool, i love that she specialises in the domain of spymastery and subterfuge! she is also complex, but some of the things she stands out to me for are that particular brand of realistic, Rugged Faith she has, and the way she's clear-eyed about the sacrifices it takes and ruthlessness she has to wield in service of it

10. pieck (shingeki no kyojin): yes, the character i have written every single one of my 16 fics about in one form or another was bound to make it into this list somehow. honestly i DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY... it's all there in said fics! and there's too much to encompass in one brief answer. but: it's things like her quiet unassuming competence, the way she Takes Responsibility even when she could do the easier thing of resting on her laurels and/or succumbing to despair, her gritty resigned optimism, and the way she takes her obligations to others seriously & twines both ruthlessness and generosity within herself... she's a lot more complex than initially observed by many people, in my humble opinion, and there are still threads to her i’m teasing out to this date!

i’ll tag: @lightdescending @todustagain @kallistoi @leksaa90 @rose-gardens @acerinky @frumpkinspocketdimension @whiteasy no pressure!

[slippingbetweenthestars]

Reevaluating the Eleventh Doctor

Or, in other words, a Doctor Who rewatch looking at mainly Flesh and Stone but also referencing episodes across the Moffat era to help me sort through stuff. 

So I introduced my brother to Doctor Who and am watching the series with him. I have a lot of confusing feelings about Eleven, which is why I have his tags blocked and why I have all of about three posts with him (minus the anti Day of the Doctor posts). I am slowly re-evaluating him, and trying to figure out what I like and what bothers me about him. Thoughts below the cut so I can be honest and salty. Lots of script analysis. Unlike previous Anti-Moffat stuff beneath a cut, this is fairly quality and not just anti-banana ramblings. 

When I first watched Eleven, I was pretty patient. When I lost Nine, it took me all of seasons 2 and 3 to get over it and only really gave Ten a chance in season 4. Part of that is I like a platonic reading of the show, and part of that is I just was not over Nine. Now I love Ten, and after finishing season 4, I thought I had been too harsh. I resolved to be more patient. I thought I had learned my lesson and was going to give Eleven a chance. 

And then I just never warmed up to him. It wasn’t until somewhere in season 8 that I realized I just wasn’t enjoying the at all show very much anymore. Later I discovered there had been a showrunner swap, and discovered other people felt the same way about the Moffat eras. I came into the fandom late, as in October 2019 late, so my dislike isn’t just rooted in nostalgia. I fell HARD for Nine and Rose’s season and the Time War plot lines. Looking back, the moment I started feeling visceral dislike for Eleven was the Vampires of Venice episode. 

Readers of the blog who’ve gone through any of my meta know that I hate the Day of the Doctor with a burning passion. I generally refrain from reblogging Anti Moffat stuff in general because I want to keep this a positive place, but sometime I just can’t contain my irritation. His treatment of women flagrantly vexes me, as do the non-lives of most of his characters and secondary characters. He ignores The End of Time and seems to have concluded the Doctor in Dalek is just evil and made the wrong choice.

However, I’ve realized that what really trips me up isn’t any of those justifiable reasons. I can intellectually talk about those reasons for disliking Moffat’s work, but the thing that triggers a gut “grrr” reaction is simpler than that. My teeth have been on edge from the first moment Reinette spoke. I finally realized why.

I. Can’t. Do. Moffat’s. Dialogue. 

It doesn’t seem fair to compare him with RTD, but the first four seasons have brilliant dialogue. It’s natural. It flows. It contributes to character. It sounds like I  walked into a shopping mall and listened to the conversations that glided past.  Moffat’s dialogue is witty, that’s true. There are many off-color and semi-sexual jokes, but they’re generally good at eliciting a laugh. But the lines don’t sound like they’re coming from real people. They’ve got too unnatural a cadence. They’re stilted. They’re very very balanced and very very smooth, but they don’t sound like people. They sound like writing. 

I know firsthand that my written word is far more advanced than my spoken word (not that my meta is any real indication). I use long words like rumination without a second thought, rely heavily on repetition, and invert my sentences to add emphasis. I would rarely say ‘prohibited’ in conversation, but I would write it easily in a sentence to express the idea of “not allowed.”

Back to Moffat. His people come off as caricatures. They’re talking heads. His dialogue is repetitive ( “I’m the Doctor. Basically, run.” and the very next episode “I’m the bloody queen, mate. Basically, I rule”). I have no idea what Amy thinks or feels, and the plot literally strips away any kind of friends or family apart from Rory. We’ve come a long way from Shireen, folks. So as for internalization or backstory, we’ve got nothing apart from the Doctor and Love interest. 

Furthermore, Amy won absolutely zero points by assaulting the Doctor on her wedding night despite his repeated refusals and blatant discomfort. (He physically ran away from her! Like three times! He literally told her, point blank, NO, and she did not stop. Blergh.) 

That’s not to say there isn’t potential for internal development, but it doesn’t happen on-screen. If Rory has issues from Roman times, or Amy is breaking down over being kidnapped, trafficked and having her baby stolen, it’s not shown. That divorce episode kinda tried, I think? But it didn’t really work. 

So I know what makes me feel distant from the characters in the Moffat era, but what makes me dislike them?  I was watching that travesty of an episode, Flesh and Stone, and I realized what irritates me about Eleven. It’s certainly not Matt Smith. 

It’s the dialogue. 

It’s not because it’s too generic or glossy, though.

I quote: 

AMY: So, what's wrong with me? RIVER: Nothing. You're fine. DOCTOR: Everything. You're dying. RIVER: Doctor! DOCTOR: Yes, you're right. If we lie to her, she'll get all better. Right. Amy, Amy, Amy. What's the matter with Amelia? Something's in her eye. What does that mean? Does it mean anything? AMY: Doctor. DOCTOR: Busy. AMY: Scared. DOCTOR: Course you're scared. You're dying. Shut up. RIVER: Okay, let him think. ... (The face of an Angel is visible in Amy's pupil.) AMY: Three. Doctor, it's coming. I can feel it. I'm going to die. DOCTOR: Please just shut up. I'm thinking.

I’m sorry. I UTTERLY HATE THIS BLATANT !GRRRRRRR. I don’t swear but you can insert your own thoughts. It’s inane. It’s callous, it’s cruel, and I hate it so very much. 

Amy is supposed to be dying, and he tells her to shut up. Repeatedly. I know he’s trying to think to save her, but it drives me mad, especially when the primary basis of his prior companionships was that they helped him think. They gave him solutions by pointing out things he didn’t notice. They found say a transmitter in the London Eye, gave him the rhyming word to stop the Carrionites, found the empty sick-day files. They’ve worked with him as partners, and he’s treated them for the most part as equals. 

But our friend Stephen Moffat decided that the Eleventh Doctor doesn’t listen to his companions. No, this Doctor tells them to shut up. This is a pattern. And it’s an authorial choice. 

Here’s the next episode, the moment that I realized, “hey, I don’t think I like this Doctor.”

DOCTOR: Argh. I need to think. Come on, brain. Think, think, think. Think. AMY: If they're fish people, it explains why they hate the sun. DOCTOR: Stop talking. Brain thinking. Hush. RORY: It's the school thing I don't understand. DOCTOR: Stop talking. Brain thinking. Hush. 

I don’t like it. 

So now that we’ve established that, I can control for it and choose to mostly ignore those moments. What else?

Childish speech. Some highlight moments include these:

(A goal is mentioned.) RIVER: How?  DOCTOR: I'll do a thing.  RIVER: What thing?  DOCTOR: I don't know. It's a thing in progress. Respect the thing.

I’m not a fan of this kind of talk, and it’s a characteristic of Eleven’s speech. Ten talks that way when Moffat writes him, too. Here’s Day of the Doctor: 

ELIZABETH: What's that? DOCTOR 10: It's a machine that goes ding. Made it myself.

Even this line, which is okay in isolation but curdles in my mind when associated with Moffat’s dialogue at large, follows the childish speech pattern. 

DOCTOR: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey...stuff

Oh, and let’s not forget this from Blink: 

DOCTOR: Tracked you down with this. This is my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff. 

Great, we’ve got another line he’ll use again almost verbatim, abuse of the word stuff, and baby talk. 

I don’t really like the baby-speech, but it doesn’t bother me quite as much as the shut up comments. 

What else bothers me in this episode that’s representative of the larger season?

DOCTOR: Amy, you need to start trusting me. It's never been more important. AMY: But you don't always tell me the truth. DOCTOR: If I always told you the truth, I wouldn't need you to trust me. 

YEAH AMY HAS NO REASON TO TRUST YOU. Not with the way you’re treating her. Cue Eleven expecting his reputation to solve at least half of the problems he meets. Thanks, Moffat. (He does this in Forest of the Dead, The Girl in the Fireplace, and the Eleventh Hour as well. It’s cool the first few times he does it, but it starts to go stale, especially when all the season finales switch to killing the Doctor, not the Doctor saving innocents from people who want to kill/exploit them. Remove Eleven, and the bad guys kinda go away?)

Okay, so moving on. We don’t like the shut ups, we don’t like the baby talk, we don’t like people just doing stuff because Eleven says so.  

Let’s talk about the Angels. 

UMMM actually there was so much wrong happening that I will try keep this brief but it will be hard. Other people have talked about this burning trash heap but I cannot resist.

 When the weeping angels were introduced, they were super cool. They were intimidating villains with a strict set of rules/limitations. Observe them, they turn to stone. Literal stone. They can only move when unobserved. I thought it was really neat, somewhere between Schrödinger's cat and L’Engle’s virtual unicorns (traveling or observed but never both). 

DOCTOR: The lonely assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they're as old as the universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when they're being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature, they freeze into rock. NO CHOICE. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Of course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh yes it can. ... DOCTOR: That's why they cover their eyes. They're not weeping. They can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry. I am very, very sorry. It's up to you now. 

(emphasis added)

Got it. The freezing is more than instinctual, it’s a biological fact.

DOCTOR: Because, Amy, this is important DOCTOR : The forest is full of Angels.  DOCTOR: You're going to have to walk like you can see. ... DOCTOR: ...There are Angels round you now.  DOCTOR: Amy, listen to me. This is going to be hard but I know  DOCTOR: You can do it. The Angels are scared and running, and right now they're not that interested in you. They'll assume you can see them and their instincts will kick in. All you've got to do is walk like you can see. DOCTOR: Just don't open your eyes. Walk like you can see. You're not moving. You have to do this. Now. You have to do this! 

Okay, so it’s not a fact, it’s a choice or instinct. Despite Ten saying they had no choice. And get this, we literally WATCH THEM MOVE ON CAMERA. Big no-no. That’s the whole point: you can’t see them move. When they’re moving, THEY’RE NOT STONE. They’re only stone when you see them. Simple. Except now they can move whenever they want, can’t move for mysterious reasons when Eleven turns his head to look away at another one (I blame the setup for that one), and stare at each other with reckless abandon. 

Let’s continue. From Blink:

DOCTOR: Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past, and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had. All your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract. They live off potential energy.

‘kay, so angels send you back in time. Cool cool. 

DOCTOR: Ah, well done, Bob. Scared keeps you fast. Told you, didn't I. Your friends, Bob. What did the Angel do to them? BOB: Snapped their necks, sir. DOCTOR: That's odd. That's not how the Angels kill you. They displace you in time. Unless they needed the bodies for something. line about looking for survivors... DOCTOR: Oh, don't be an idiot. The Angels don't leave you alive. Bob, keep running. But tell me, how did you escape? BOB: I didn't escape, sir. The Angel killed me, too. DOCTOR: What do you mean, the Angel killed you? BOB: Snapped my neck, sir. Wasn't as painless as I expected, but it was pretty quick, so that was something. DOCTOR: If you're dead, how can I be talking to you? BOB: You're not talking to me, sir. The Angel has no voice. It stripped my cerebral cortex from my body and re-animated a version of my consciousness to communicate with you. Sorry about the confusion. 

At least we acknowledge that this is new behavior. But is it ever explained? No.  Bob makes sense, since they want a voice, but what about the people before him? And why not their voices? No explanation. From now on Angels can touch you if they want to, even if you’re not looking at then, and don’t automatically send you back on time

Also the image of an angel is an angel? Sorry that was kinda nonsense. We need an excuse for Amy to be in danger! Let’s punish her for being curious! How long does this process take? Who knows? Let’s have a countdown for fun! We want to have a romp in the forest with angels for scariness?

Okay I’ll stop. You can make your own conclusions about the Angels take Manhattan. (But seriously, it bothers me that no one’s tried closing one eye at a time). 

Now, on to what I liked. Well actually, we’ll start with something I don’t and do. I hate River Song in this story. I also quite enjoy River Song in this story. I do not like the Bond-style version we see in Time of the Angels. However, she’s pretty human in most of this episode and reminds me quite a bit of “Silence in the Library” River. I like the idea that she earns her own freedom from prison by going on expeditions like these. I’m not so sure how she went from robbing a place in formal dress to being released from prison into someone else’s custody? But I guess I’ll buy it. She generally seems like some of the people around her, cares about Amy’s fear, and doesn’t go around murdering or pillaging for fun (except in said beginning-of-the-episode robbery), which I like. I generally enjoy Alex Kingston. I just frequently wish she had a better script and storyline. 

Okay, moving on and back to Eleven/Moffat. I can tell Matt Smith put a ton of effort into this character. The physicality of his acting is great, and I do enjoy the contrast between his anger and whimsy. Unlike Ten, Eleven actually kind of scares me when he’s angry, and it’s usually a very sudden switch, not like the slow, righteous buildup of Tennant’s doctor. 

DOCTOR: Look, three options. One, I let the Star Whale continue in unendurable agony for hundreds more years. Two, I kill everyone on this ship. Three, I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then I find a new name, because I won't be the Doctor any more. LIZ: There must be something we can do, some other way. DOCTOR: Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today! 

I didn’t really notice these sudden switches into rage the first time I watched, and appreciate them now. I have a very hard time connecting Eleven to Ten’s arc, but I’m starting to see some kind of continuity. 

RIVER: That Time Energy, what's it going to do? DOCTOR: Er, keep eating. RIVER: How do we stop it? DOCTOR: Feed it. RIVER: Feed it what? DOCTOR: A big, complicated space time event should shut it up for a while. RIVER: Like what, for instance? DOCTOR: Like me, for instance! (He snaps, daring her to say anything)

Eleven’s anger isn’t indignant, not like Ten’s. It’s resentful. And that kind of makes sense. He resents what he’s had to do. He resents moving on. And he keeps it buried deep inside him most of the time, but every now and again he lashes out like this. 

So. My conclusion so far is this. I am starting to see Eleven as the Doctor that came after Ten. Sort of. Slowly. However, there are some actions of his that I can’t stand, and I attribute them to the writer.

I can’t stand him shutting up his companions. I can’t stand the suggestive comments he makes later on. I absolutely hate that he finds River shooting things sexy. I absolutely hate that he brainwashes the entire human race to commit genocide. Yeah, that’s basically what he did to the Silence. 

TELEVISION: Okay, engine stop. ATA on the descent. Modes control both auto. Descent engine command off.  (The Doctor gets out his phone.)  DOCTOR: Oh. But don't forget this bit. Ready? CANTON: Ready.  (Canton attaches the videophone to the Doctor's super satellite phone, and dials up Apollo 11.) SILENCE [on TV]: You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight. You should kill us all on sight.  DOCTOR: You've given the order for your own execution, and the whole planet just heard you. 

Killing a ship full of cybermen to get someone’s attention was bad enough, but this is even worse in my opinion. (I don’t exactly share the Doctor’s thoughts on not killing Daleks or Cybermen since their very existence makes them fundamentally opposed to any and every other living thing, but I appreciate that he usually has qualms. I think turning on the emotional inhibitors like Ten did is far crueler (though that was a high-stakes judgement call when the cybermen were actively converting all of London), but at the same time, it feels absolutely wrong for the Doctor to premeditatively kill shipfuls of beings just to make a point).

What do I like? (Yay, there are things I like about Eleven now!)

I do like him as a Doctor who’s consciously more alien than his last incarnation as a coping mechanism. 

I do appreciate him as a Doctor who has a fair bit of self-loathing without self-pity.

 I do appreciate him as a Doctor who’s more detached and less willing to grieve (but I really do miss the grief that was so strong in seasons 1, 3, and 4).

I do like him as a doctor who listens to kids. (though not the undertones of grooming them to be companions).

I wish he was shown to listen to his companions and take them seriously the way he does children. Can you imagine Eleven telling young Amelia to shut up? He only does that to adults. I wish the Doctor would not make Moffat sexual comments later on with Clara. I do not like that he keeps his companions completely in the dark on fake Amy’s pregnancy, though I do see it as being in keeping with his character. In keeping with that, I’d love it if we had no fake marriages ever. I didn’t like it when Ten referenced them, I don’t like it when Eleven marries famous women.

[chasingshhadows]

so I haven’t used this blog regularly for like, personal updates in many years, but I’m feeling energized atm.

So as some of you might have seen, I’ve been fostering kittens throughout the pandemic because I’m working from home indefinitely (bless having an international and science-based employer). They are fucking adorable and a lot of work but so worth it. I was having a super shitty day Wednesday and I just went and sat on the floor of my living room with them for like an hour. They’re 6 weeks old right now and an absolute joy 🥰 (If you wanna see pics/videos, I post all my kitty-related stuff to @chasingkittehs on Insta).

I’m still working and have been lucky enough to not only stay employed during this time, but elevate myself at work. I recently discovered that my division plans to promote me by the end of the year without my having asked for it, which is so fucking validating. I love this job and my team and the work we do - I work at a large international environmental and conservation nonprofit. It builds on my skills and knowledge from my previous work at fundraising vendors so I actually contribute to strategy and our team direction. 

I met a great guy. Idk what compelled me to try dating during a global pandemic, but I’m glad I did bc this guy is pretty fucking great and is nerdy and progressive and his friends are all super cool. We have a great time and he’s been really supportive through everything going on. And he’s on Tumblr, bc all the best people are here 😉 @slytherinlord223 (feel free to judge the url, I did 😜 tho it should be stated he’s had the account and url since he was 16 and what cishet white guy didn’t think himself a lord at 16?)

After a very long process and a lot of stress, I was able to get assessed and diagnosed with ADHD. Tbh, I have Tumblr and @redbirdblogs and @irolltwenties to thank for opening my eyes to the possibility. I’ve been seeing adhd-experience posts for years and always have this moment of “wow that’s me - oh wait, that’s for adhd, nevermind”. And over the last year I started reading those posts through new eyes and started seeing myself in them. The report was 15 pages of very thorough testing and qualitative analysis and I’m still processing it all, but it’s just... so fucking validating. I’ve spent years wondering why I can’t just do things and why my spaces are always a mess because I was taught that women are housekeepers and why I can never finish anything or just fucking focus and I’d been convinced I was just stupid and lazy and dysfunctional and gahhh this just. It’s not my fault. I was working at a deficit I didn’t know existed for 28 years and now that I actually understand how my brain works, I can start to adapt and work with my brain instead of against it. And now I can go back to my psychiatrist with verified clinical results to get the treatment I need. So. *deep breath* I feel really good right now. 

I haven’t been as engaged/active in fandom the last several months due to the fostering and my guy and just the overall stress of the pandemic leaving me pretty unmotivated to do anything but sit and watch TV. But I’ve been obsessing over Hamilton and The Old Guard of late, I’m still utterly in love with RNM and Teen Wolf, and now I’ve been diving into the world of Critical Role (it’s nice to finally get all the references here haha). I’m absorbing a lot of content across the board and would always love to talk about anything, just haven’t been spending as much time on my laptop for fic writing and giffing. I’ll be back tho - I always am 😘💜

So anyway. I love you all. I miss my mutuals and I hope everyone is doing well and thriving and can’t wait to catch up on everyone’s creations and flails. And I adore every name that pops up in my activity feed and seeing some of my old posts pop up lately has been really sweet 😊

[noxstellacaelum]

No, it’s not just because the guy is hot ... and other BS about a female fan base (Looking at you Veronica Mars and Shadowhunters)

So, I suck at Tumblr.  I changed my name and suddenly all of my links are broken.  A friend asked me to repost this when she could not find it, so apologies for round 2.

I wrote recently about how filtering female characters through the male gaze can cause a project’s “center of gravity” to shift away from the agency and autonomy of female characters. This is how we end up w/ stories where women are there (narratively) to be pretty arm candy, or objects of sexual desire, or romantic partners (half a ship) vs characters who shape their own romantic and life choices. This is how we get female characters subjected to endless, pointless pain and trauma — usually sexual assault/ rape narratives (GoT, Veronica Mars). Or female characters who sacrifice endlessly and forgive every transgression, so that a man can be redeemed/ understood/ forgiven. (Why else would Buffy forgive Spike?) As I said, I don’t think every silly, guilty pleasure TV show or movie has to be a feminist icon story. Men can tell good stories about women. And give me flawed, complicated, nuanced characters and relationships any and every day of the week. I prefer truthful storytelling, not a kind of hagiography w/a side of feminism for my female characters.

Still, I had to just shake my head — after gagging on my coffee — when I saw the recent TV Line article quoting a senior executive at HULU as saying that the negative reaction to the ending of S4 Veronica Mars was A-O-K b/c it was a testament to how much people love the show. And, that the end was all part of RT’s super-well-thought-grand-plan to make VM into a noir detective show where Veronica solves random mysteries in random places and has no friends, no family, no relationships — having been an asshole to everyone in S4. Never mind S4 Veronica’s questionable detective skills, as evidenced by her failure to figure out who was behind the bombings until it was too late. Yeah. Whatever.

Of course, I didn’t stop at the article. I had to look at the comments. The official RT fanboy line appears to be that people who hated the ending are basically weak, stupid (heterosexual, I guess) girls who are upset that we won’t get to look at Jason D’s abs anymore. Apparently, we just don’t understand RT’s art and vision. Sad, really.

And so it goes. Once again, female fans are reduced to unthinking, stupid, crying hordes upset when we don’t get our happily-ever-after.

This is such complete and total bullshit. I hated all of S4 Veronica. VM in S4 is an unrecognizable asshole. She mocks Logan for seeking help for his PTSD. She misses or ignores her dad’s health crisis. She’s casually racist. She randomly uses drugs w/ strangers. She’s terrible to her friends (Weevil). And she’s the worst detective ever. Killing Logan off as some kind of suffer porn for VM was just one more piece of the shitty story telling that was S4. Especially since there was zero narrative explanation of how or why smart, gritty teenager Veronica fell into the abyss of self-loathing, self-absorption and cruelty that defines her in S4.

To my mind, though, the mansplaining from HULU, RT and crew is one of many examples of how Hollywood dismisses female fans along with female characters. In addition to Veronica Mars, I’ve written about how Shadowhunters TV betrayed both its female characters and many of its female fans. And, just as happened w/ Veronica Mars, when people objected, the show runners and their shills told us that we didn’t understand the showrunners’ art or storytelling; that we were upset bc not all of the couples got a wedding, that fan fiction could sort out the narrative mess left after the finale. As if completely sidelining the protagonist and her romantic partner, then tacking on a rom com meet cute at the end, made it all ok.

It wasn’t OK. It was BS. And, depressingly, not a surprise when one examines how the show treated its female characters and fan base all along.

- Cassie Clare, the author behind the six book series, has hinted on her Tumblr blog that from the very beginning, the male producers and show runners behind the TV adaption did not value her heavily female fan base. The show even added a lot of computers/ tech (explicitly NOT canon in the Shadowhunters universe), and made a character a police officer (not a bookstore owner) when it launched to attract an older male audience according to Clare. (Apart from the non-canon aspect of computers, stereotyping much on who likes tech?).

More importantly, the storytelling around female characters, and the treatment of their sexuality, showed the lack of regard the show had for female characters and their fans. Where to even start:

- The show aged-up the characters — which I am totally on board with — but then cast an actor who is only six years older than Matt D. (he played Alec) to play Mayrse, Alec’s (and Izzy and Jace’s adoptive) mother. 6 years!?! There are plenty of skilled, age appropriate performers one could have picked. Don’t tell me that casting decision was the product of anything other than the male gaze.

- Book Mayrse is a complicated and not always likeable character. Totally cool. Show Mayrse exists in S1 of SHTV for the sole purpose of being bigoted and homophobic re Alec (with a side of slut-shaming for her daughter Izzy). Then, in S3, she exists solely to punished (w/ a random de-rune-ing) and then redeemed for her homophobia by becoming “captain of the Malec ship.” S3 Mayrse seems to be entirely unaware that she has other children. Not Izzy. And not depressed, and suicidal Jace. A more richly observed character who is a mother would not act this way.

-Book Izzy is sexy and body positive. And a formidable warrior. Awesome. Show Izzy is often reduced to slutty eye candy in S1. She’s turned into a drug addict in S2. And, then, in S3 and the finale, she’s charged w caretaking duties for Jace (bc the show ignored the parabatai bond bw Alec and Jace and Mayrse was absent, as noted above). And, in the climactic fight scene, she’s disarmed by Clary (who had been training for a couple of months at that point) and needs to be saved by Simon, her non-Shadowhunter soon to be boyfriend. Simon is hugely heroic in the books, as is Clary, but their heroism is not at the expense of, or in place of, Izzy’s strength and heroism. (Or, maybe it’s that show Simon saves show Izzy from show Clary that’s the problem: book Izzy would not have been bested by Clary, book Clary never would have attacked her friends and chosen family, and the dark Clary made zero narrative/ emotional sense.

- Clary, the protagonist, is wholly sidelined in 3B and the finale. I won’t go down this rabbithole again, except to say that the show’s decision to strip Clary of her entire narrative arc — her mother, her father figure, her memories, her magic, her identity her chosen family, and her love — deeply, deeply betrayed the character and her fans.

- And, as I’ve written before, the dark Clary storyline seemed more about putting Kat M. In sexy clothes and having her act in a sexually aggressive way toward Jace (let’s call it what it was - the show hinted that she went down on Jace in a club while Jace was distraught over losing Clary and basically roofied) (bc sexually aggressive women are either slutty or evil on SHTV, I guess.). It made no sense.

-The whole Climon storyline was cringe worthy, and her weird shame-y commentary on Jace’s past sex life made no sense either.

- Maia hooking up w/ Jace behind a bar, and forgiving her attacker.

The list goes on and on.

I am sick and tired of Hollywood reducing female characters and female fans to unsophisticated, silly, shallow people looking only for the love of a (generally straight white) man. I am sick of shows sacrificing female characters and their fans to tell stories about other characters, even when those stories are worthy. (We shouldn’t have had to choose between, say, Magnus, Alec and Malec, and Clary, Jace and Clace.). I am sick of characters and fans serving as a mirror or vehicle for other characters’ stories.

Female fans watch TV. We buy movie tickets. We participate in fandoms. Stop telling us that we should be content w/ scraps from the storytelling table.