#but i would also do unholy things to him lmao

[just-some-random-blogger]

Safe Keeping | 4

Part 1 2 3 4 5

"What say you, lady? Don't you think the Hound would make a fine husband? He would protect you, yes, and you would bear him many babes." I curtsy again but this time, my voice falters when I speak, "I- I think he would," I turn to my left, "Lord Sandor would make a fine husband... a fine father."

Sandor Clegane x Reader | 8k+ | cw: fem!reader, DEATH of characters/animals/monsters, POV shifts, mentions/depictions of violence, forced marriage, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, emotional unavailability, emotional constipation, miscommunication, The Hound being abrasive, canon typical casual misogyny/violence, themes/mentions of menstruation/pregnancy/miscarriage, baby fever, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: ❗❗please proceed this chapter with caution. i killed a bunch of characters/animals (well and monsters but i think deserve lmao)!!! ALSO POV SHIFTSS!!!! originally posted on ao3 but felt like posting it on here. also fyi i post this story on ao3 first

Tagging: @otteropera @poisonsage808 @glitterandgoldfinds @the-queen-of-sorrows @j3nn-1

The Hound found himself wrong about the thieving, wrong about the missing livestock. He was so wrong it nearly cost him lives, including his own.

He was so sure about himself when he went into the woods, so sure that he was going to find at least two men, at most five, luring sheep there. It was the men he was prepared for. Fuck the livestock, the farmers can get them back after he killed the fucks stealing them.

Ah, the farmers, barging into his wife's estate... into their house, into house Clegane. 

Fuck 'em, fuck the lot of them, complaining again, complaining about their sheep and their cows. He had enough of their yapping, now was the time to act.

Fuck 'em twice for being shocked when he said he'd go into the forest to kill the fucker causing all of them trouble.

The superstitious peasants warned him. The Hound heard; he even humored them by letting a few spring chickens, boy-soldiers in the making, 'aid' him as he went to the forest.

Between the young farmer's lad, Andrew, and the man-boy, Carter, who he had been training be a soldier, it was actually the Hound who was the one most frightened by that thing that stared back at them.

It looked as though it was twice his damn size. It was darker than tar, and stinkier than shit. It made an unholy sound before attacking them.

He doesn't remember what happened after that in all honesty. His instincts kicked in and he can't recall what he had done. All he knew was, in the end, the two boys were cheering and dragging a black corpse all the way back out of the woods.

The villagers looked at him. They walked towards him and shouted. It was not an unfamiliar greeting-- being pursued by villagers, and yet, it shakes him; it takes him off-guard. They come upon him and begin to weep at his feet. They thank him. They thank them as they hug each other. The thank him as they wave at him. They thank him as they touch his armor like a devout would touch an idol.

The Hound is perturbed.

"Thank you, milord! You killed the beast!"

"You saved our sheep!"

"You saved our families!"

"You saved our lives!"

The Hound was never one to back down, but Sandor found himself taking steps back when a group of children ran up to him and began to ask him how he killed it. Their little hands and big eyes demanded answers from him. His insides rise up to his mouth.

The children begin to talk about how they can go to the woods now.

"Oi!" Carter calls to the ones in front the Sandor, "you do know there's more than one woodland monsters, aye?!"

"But now milord Cligay killed one! He'll teach us how to kill the o'vers."

"It's Clegane. Lord Clegane! And even then, you buggers can't just play in the forest. The brown bears still live here."

"I haven't seen a brown bear!" a little girl cries out. She looks to the Hound, walking up to him, grabbing his hand, "there aren't any brown bears in the woods, right, milord?"

Sandor looks at the small thing. His hand burns at her touch. Her hand was not even hot, not even big enough to grasp half his palm and yet he feels lightheaded. He feels like he's going to pass out.

The Hound finds their sentiment to be all too much at one point. He grumbles he's going home; he's got much work to do. The villagers thank him as he leaves.

When he gets home, just as he gets near the gate, he beholds Lady Clegane, the people's champion, his poor bride. She is outside, speaking to some peasants; it was all she did as of late.

A breeze blows and her dress dances with the wind. Her hair follows as well, and along goes the air from his lungs.

She is the sun. He is a mountain trying to reach her.

Sandor, who hadn't realized that he stopped in his place to gawk, is shaken out of his trance when the stable boy opened the gates for him. The small child named Polly, about as old as his wife when she fled this place, nods at him and motions, "pardon, milord," he says nervously, "I didn't know you were waiting for me to open the gates."

The Hound looks at the boy as he walks in, "I wasn't," he gruffs, eyeing him as he passed, "don't worry about it, laddie."

Lord Clegane looks away from the stable boy when he hears the shrill cry of a babe. He spots the maester walking over to his wife with a wailing child in his arms.

He thinks about the letter he had to write to the Citadel, requesting a maester come to Brown Wood.

Lady Clegane thinks her husband's initiative for it stems from his sense of duty as a Lord, but she'll never know he did it for her, for her to know if she really did have a late blood cycle, or if she lost a baby. Maester Yannick told him it was, regretfully, the latter.

The Hound waited for his lady wife to tell him about it, to ask him to hold a mourning ceremony for the unborn child. She never did.

Sandor watches Lady Clegane willingly embraces the woman who thanked her up and down, over and under, for saving her baby. She tells the weeping woman that it was not her work but maester Yannick that saved the babe. Maester Yannick says it was not his work but the gods.

Sandor tastes something putrid in his mouth when his wife coos at the child, who immediately calmed when the maester reunited the small thing to mama. His insides tingle at the sound of his lady's laugh.

He curses under his breath when she turns to him. He realizes then he had stopped in his tracks again.

The Hound begins his march.

Lady Clegane greets him, but he is not strong enough to reply with a greeting himself. He doesn't know why he stops to tell her that he killed a woodland monsters though. She looked very shocked after hearing that.

He wonders if she was disappointed. He wonders if she wanted him dead.

She touches him and questions if he was injured. Sandor flinches and steps back. She recoils her hand quickly and wipes it on her skirt-- disgusted.

The Hound says she shouldn't worry her pretty squirrel head, then walks away.

His footsteps are heavy as he heads to his office. He didn't want to go through the fucking endless piles of paperwork, but the apprentice he had couldn't grasp basic mathematics quite yet, so, there he went, to go through paperwork in a musty office.

He wonders if doing this shit made a difference to her, or if she'd always see him for what he was: a groom, forced upon her as a joke from a stupid blonde boy; a beast with ill features and temper; a Hound.

He is almost tempted to look over his shoulder at the loud sound of baby's laughter. He doesn't, cause he wouldn't see anything but a wall of he did anyway.

He wonders when she'd ask him again, when she'd ask for a child from him.

He promises he'd be gentler this time, gentler.

He doesn't mean to be so rabid with her.

She just had such an ablaze spirit, she was so fierce, and so vivid that he found himself wanting to devour her whole-- a true predator.

He wishes he could be more than that. He could be more than that to her, but it's so hard to fill in to be someone you're not. The Hound was not a proper lord, he was not that pretty boy Alistair. He can only do so much.

Sandor would do much and more for her than that scrawny, faerie pretty-boy ever could.

She might not like it, but he'll do his best to give her what she wants, to give her a family in stead of the one she lost. She will never love him, but he knows she'll love all the children he could give her, and that was more than enough, more than he could ever hope for or deserve. 

I carefully walk up to the office, clutching my hands together as I prepare myself to knock on the door.

I clear my throat and retell myself what I mean to tell my husband. My palms begin to gush like geyser. I dread the fight I know will be had because of this topic.

I let out a soft gasp when someone calls me from behind.

It was the stable boy, Polly. He had run up to bow and greet me good morning. I smile at him and reach out to him. I brush his hair back, "good morrow, Polly, dear."

The boy grins and bows again, "I'll be learning how to ride a horse soon, milady!"

I link my hands together as I chuckle, "my! Will you now? How awfully courageous of you."

The boy pushes his shoulders back, "it's no'ffin, milady. Just what a man ought to do. I would go to war for you, milady, I would!"

"My boy," shake my head, "I pray you never need to do such a thing. I hope you enjoy riding though. I find that I do not."

"Do you find riding scary? I wouldn't! I'll let you ride with me once I know how, promise," the boy nods as he places a hand on his chest.

"You are very kind," I smile, "I thank you for it, Polly."

The boy puffs his chest out and bows, "I'll be goin' then, milady!"

I chuckle as I watch Polly run off as quick as a rabbit.

My soul nearly leaves me when I turn around and see the Hound looming over me.

I gasp and step back. He reaches out to me and grabs my arm. He keeps me upright and leans down, "you better stop calling the boy dear." He releases me and begins to walk off, "he's already in love with you as is."

I blink rapidly at his words. I turn to him and watch him march away before scurrying after, "he's a child."

"Aye," says Sandor, "all the children adore you."

My stomach curdles at his words; I am unsure why. I rub my hands together, not sure what to make of myself, or what to reply.

"What were you doing outside my office?" he asks.

I run up in front of him and grab his arm, "there is something I needed to discuss with you."

Sandor stops. He looks at my hand on his arm, "can't it wait?"

I pull my hand away and shake my head, "I understand that you are very busy, my lord, but I-"

"Fine," he mutters, "I'll lay with you tonight."

My eyes widen and I topple back at his words, "what?"

The Hound steps forward, keeping me upright again, "that's why you're here, aren't you?" He releases me, "your bloods have waned."

I feel my face burn. I gulp and force a smile, "I-" I chuckle nervously and straighten up, "y-yes. My bloods have waned."

Sandor watches me closely.

I rub my neck and blink rapidly, "I thank you for your thoughtfulness," I dig my thumb nail into my pointer finger. I turn from my feet then to Sandor, "but that is not what I wished to speak about."

His face falls. It's not anything noticeable but I have become quite good at it, reading his face. He purses his lips then says, "be done with it then, I've got work to do, pretty squirrel."

I feel my face burn even more at his horrible nickname.

A group of women had been complimenting my dress when the Hound passed. I knew they did not know he would react that way, but it did not help the embarrassment I felt when the women asked my husband if he thought my dress suited me and he replied 'pretty for a squirrel'.

"I wanted to tell you that I... I still very much wish to be the one to speak to the people about their concerns," I am unable to look at him when I say this, "it is not because I think you are unfit for the task, my lord, but I have seen the way you act around them."

"Like a dog?"

I knit my brows deeply and look to him, "Daisy is a dog. And I love her very much."

"That makes one of us."

We stare at each other for a long, blistering moment. My throat constricts at his words, "... Sandor."

His face contorts. He scoffs and averts his gaze, "don't say my name like that."

My heart begins to race, it twists and clenches. I step forward and reach out to him, "I see how you try to listen, how you try to help, but it scares you-"

I gasp when he rips his arm away before I can even touch him. He grabs me instead though, ripping me close as he leans down, "I'm not scared of peasants."

My eyes water. It's not even because his grip hurt, but because it was as painfully clear as it could get that this man did not like me at all, no matter what I did.

The Hound mutters softly, "do what you wish," he releases my arm, "you want to do my work so badly then? Fine. I didn't want ya to do anything you're not meant to, but have it your way."

I scratch my eyes before my tears could fall. I try to look at him as I speak, but the tears threaten to fall when I do. Instead, I fix my eyes on the floor, "I do not do this to upset you, Hound. I do this because I mean to help you. I swear it."

He is deeply disturbed by the softness in which these words are spoken. Hearing himself be called Hound was unreasonably heart piercing.

"I do not like it when you are angry," I whisper, "it would have been fine if it was only directed at me, but you spur everyone around you."

I flinch when he calls my name.

I shake my head, "if it pleases you, lord, I will do as you said the other day. I will no longer speak to you. I will not bother you. I will not stand in your way." I step back and pick at my fingernails.

Sandor holds back from stepping forward.

"Maester Yannick has been giving me herbs to help with conception, but he said that I should be in good spirits when... consummating... I do not think we should do anything tonight--" I look to him through my wet lashes, "unless you want to--"

"No, I do not," he says coldly.

I gulp. Tears begin to stream down my face. My lips quiver. I shudder. Of course he doesn't want me.

I curtsy and walk off. I break into a sprint after a few steps, as I am no longer able to hold in my sobs.

Sandor watches this. He furrows his brows, unnerved by the interaction, gutted by the fact it ended in tears yet again. He replays the conversation. Was his touch truly that hard? He looks at his hand. He curses loudly and storms off to fuck all.

Sandor wakes before the sky does. He opens his heavy lids and sighs. He turns to his right on instinct; he watches his wife stretch out her arms in the expanse of nothingness between them. He likes to think that she is reaching out to him. He likes to think that if he reaches back, it'll make everything fine between them.

But then again, it had never been fine between them in the first place.

He makes sure not to touch or move her. Last time he did, she woke up. She truly was a light sleeper.

He slowly gets up. He quickly gets dressed. The moment he gets out of the room, he heads to his office.

He's finished his work by the time he hears a dog barking. He looks to the window, the sun looks back at him. He stands, stretches, and walks over to the sill, pushing the curtains open. He sees her, Lady Clegane, cuddling the mutt she named Daisy. Fucking Daisy. Polly, the stable boy was waving a stick, but the bitch could not care less about it, too preoccupied by her master.

He watches Daisy lick her neck. He watches how she scolds the dog for it but giggles anyway. Sandor sniffles. His mind wanders to the one time he had his face pressed on her neck like that. Fucking dog.

He watches the pair go inside. The Hound heads to the dining room promptly after.

He mutters to himself, trying to decide how to start, "I don't meant to make you cry-- I keep making you cry-- Fuck-- .... I know you don't like me," he stops in his tracks before he can get to his destination. He mutters to himself some more.

Fuck it.

He hears the telltale patter of Daisy's paws. It makes his fingers tingle.

When he gets to the dining room, he furrows his brows at the emptiness.

Lucy gasps at the sight of him. She topples back then regains her composure. She puts the plate of food she was holding down on the table with a bang. She looks at him and curtsies, "your food, milord."

"Where is she?"

Lucy's glare darkens, "she is dining with the servants."

He chuckles drily. He feels disappointment. He feels hurt. He immediately plays it off, "pretty squirrel's finally had enough of me."

"WILL YOU STOP CALLING 'ER THAT!" Lucy bursts, taking the Hound off-guard.

They both stare at each other, as if equally as shocked by the outburst.

Lucy fumes. Sandor freezes. The former decides she's already spoken, so she might as well continue, "she is a lady! You took her for this," she motions vaguely. "You need her," she speaks firmly, "just as much as she needs you."

The Hound scoffs. His insides burn and curdle at the idea of the little girl needing a beast to keep her safe. He snaps, "well, go ahead and tell her I will gladly be her hound and breed her little monsters as thanks for her nice, warm castle!"

Lucy makes no attempt to hide the revulsion she feels at the sound of the hound's words.

"You know what," he snarls, "why don't I breed her right now as a thank you?"

Lucy's face drops. She runs up to the Hound when he begins to storm off. She crumples like paper when he shoves her away. He doesn't do it hard enough that she shoots off to the table, but it's enough for her to get the message: he was deadly strong.

Lucy does her best to stop him. She cries and begs and screams. She digs her heels into floor and yanks him back but it doesn't do much, it doesn't do anything.

The Hound only stops when he finally sees her.

Lady Clegane is laughing with the servants as they watch Daisy roll on her belly for food. She feeds the dog just as Lucy runs up in front of him, severely distraught and tear stained. Lucy pushes her hands on his chest and begs him to punish her instead.

The Hound is sickened when Daisy runs up to him and whines. He recoils his hand when the bitch licks it.

"Lucy?"

Sandor flinches at the sound of his wife's voice and turns the other way.

I was in the middle of playing fetch with Daisy when she caught wind of something and ran off to the gate. Usually, this meant Sandor was home. Lo and behold, this moment was not any different.

I turn away immediately when we lock gazes.

The Hound had a large cut of meat on his shoulder. He grunts as Daisy barks and runs up to him, "fuck off, bitch."

He does his best to avoid the dog, nudging her away firmly with his leg as he walks up to a wagon and plops the hind of a cow on there. He hisses at Daisy when she gets on her two back legs and rests one good leg and bad one on his hips.

"Daisy!" I call.

She ignores me.

Sandor looks over his shoulder, "your mam's calling you, dog. Go on!"

Daisy clearly doesn't understand, or doesn't care, and barks at Sandor when he shoves her away. 

"Daisy!" I call and jog up to her when she follows Sandor out of the estate. I run up to the gate and watch as she is chased by the Hound. She runs as fast as her three paws will allow, clearly enjoying what she thought to be a game.

"Come here, you stupid bitch!" the Hound screams.

I turn to one of the men near me. I call Arron over and tell him to tell the Hound not to chase after her. He does just that, "milord! She will stop running if you stop chasing!"

I make a face as Lord Clegane curses and does his final attempt at catching the dog.

"Shall I bait Daisy with some meat, milady?" Arron asks.

I am about to respond but then there is a loud shriek from afar. It makes my blood go still.

The Hound immediately stops, straightens up, and looks at the distance.

I turn to Arron in a panic and tell him to get bait for Daisy. He quickly does that and calls for the dog to come back.

A bunch of peasants run and scream towards the estate; they scream milord.

Sandor goes to them.

When he reaches the panicked townspeople, he tells them all to shut the fuck up and explain what's happening. The old one clamours out that her daughter's been taken, says she was herding the cows then she was suddenly screaming, and he tried to reach her but it was too late. He says his son went to the woods to try and save her sister.

The Hound nods. He easily decides to go into the woods. The man's other son to leads the way.

In truth, the boy didn't have to go with him, he could just head to where the animals were fleeing, but he allowed it because he recognized the boy to be one of the ones in training. He has no idea what his name was though.

He was glad to hear the screams when he did, at least the ones that sounded human.

The Hound sees a lad and a lass running up to him, "RUN WHILE IT'S DISTRACTED!"

The boy by his side screams back, "the Hound is here! He's going to kill it!"

Well, Sandor was only meant to save the girl, and now that the girl was about to run past him, he didn't have to do anything, really. For some reason, he felt compelled to press on. Maybe it was the lack of his sense of self-preservation as of late, or no, don't call it that; it was his need for a distraction, his need prove something.

He sees it, the monster and its fresh kill. It must have been one of the girl's cows, or at least what was left of it. Gods, the abomination was a messy eater. He was glad, at least, it seemed to be starved and solely focused on eating.

His boots stomp into a puddle of blood when he charges at the thing and cuts its head off. That's was quick... and simple...

He's shocked when he hears a hellish scream behind him and gets knocked into a tree.

The Hound is dazed. He hears the battle cry of two voices. He watches the brothers do their best to stab at the thing that towers and claws at them. He promptly gets on his feet and charges at the disgusting fuck, managing to chop off its arm before it chops off the boy's head.

Just as he thinks he's about to get the upper hand, another vile beast pops up from the shadows. He fixes his footing and slashes his sword for his life.

One of the boys get injured. The boy's scream attract the monsters towards him, allowing the Hound to stab through one of them when it's attention is averted.

By the time one of the two vile cretins drop to the ground, the two boys are running for their lives with one monster on their tail. The Hound is forced to chase after them and curses the boys for running. He's not as quick as he was before.

He screams and grabs a rock, chucking it at the slimy tar creature. He throws and shouts some more until the monster is turned back and running towards him.

He slashes the stupid fuck with his sword when its close enough. It still picks a fight though.

He's losing his breath.

The next thing he knows, there's another monster screaming from behind him. The Hound prepares for the one behind him, but it doesn't reach him because its busy ripping something off it with a growl. It chucks something to the side. There is a separate whine that hisses with the wind.

The Hound finally kills the first monster that attacked him. It doesn't take much for him to kill the other as its belly was already gushing with viscous blood.

Once he's the only thing alive and standing, catches his breath and curses. He looks upon the fallen black creatures before him and reckons he ought to get out there before more come out.

But then he hears a rustle to his side. He immediately goes on the defensive and readies for another fight.

He follows the sound of heavy breathing.

His face drops when he hears the way the dog whines when he's spotted.

The Hound sheathes his sword and drops to his knees. He looks at Daisy, her one front paw bent, the other one not. Her hind legs were twisted unnaturally, her side was clawed. She was soaking in red, both hers and otherwise. She was panting and quickly losing blood.

Sandor reaches out to her. Her eyes were wide and teary. She leans into Sandor's touch and licks her nose in a panic.

He begins to feel a rage burn in him. He begins to feel loathe. He whisper-yells, "you stupid dog. You should have stayed home."

Daisy's breath quickens. He realizes see that she is trying not to whine. Gods, the pain she must be in.

He is about to tell her she was stupid for doing that, he is about to tell her she didn't need her help, he is about to tell her she was so fearless for no reason, but then Daisy whines. It was the most horrible thing he's ever heard.

Sandor huffs like he had been stabbed. He grips his hilt tightly, "thank you for saving me, Daisy."

Sandor screws his eyes shut and decides on what he has to do.

He draws his sword. Daisy does not flinch when he presses the sword onto her neck. He thinks about the day they'd first met. 

Fearless.

He strokes her face with his hand once. He screws his eyes shut when he feels her shiver. 

So afraid.

"You're a good dog."

His next stroke pulls Daisy's final breath.

The Hound stands. He looks upon his dog.

He screams.

He screams.

He screams, hell-bent on summoning more monsters. He kills three more stupid fuck, particularly enjoying how he butchered killing a young one.

He takes Daisy's body after. She is rigid against his chest when he reaches the village. He barks out an order to the villagers: burn those fucking monsters he killed. They were more than happy to oblige.

He passes the family he had helped. They are about to come up to thank him but they don't when they see what was in his arms.

He is swarmed with dread with what he is faced with when he reaches the estate. It was very clearly as search party for Daisy.

"SANDOR!" I cry out when I spot him from the distance. "DID YOU SEE DAISY WHEN-" I stop myself when I realize he is covered in blood. Suddenly, I feel awful for not asking him if he was injured before anything else.

His form becomes clearer as I jog up to him and call, "ARE YOU AL-"

I stop in my tracks when I see him adjust something in his arms. I knit my brows and continue walking towards him. Was it a head of a monster? Why was it brownish and not black?

The Hound gives me a solemn look as he inches closer. I furrow my brows at his expression.

It takes a second then suddenly, it clicks.

I let out a horrified cry.

The Hound buries Daisy in the garden himself. Everyone in Brown Wood watches. I force a glance at my poor dog, even though I wanted to do nothing but turn away. Her injuries chill me to the bone. Lucy stands beside me, clutching my arm as she weeps, but does not look at Daisy once.

Maester Yannick speaks some words for her, as per my request, before Sandor covers the grave.

Once it was done, maester Yannick comes to me and says he will plant daisies at her grave come morrow. I cannot find solace, I cannot find myself to care.

"Did you have to slit her throat?!" I demand lowly, voice aching and angry. I eye the Hound with hot contempt and cynicism, "was there REALLY no saving her?!"

"My lady," the maester holds me back, "I saw her body. Lord Clegane showed her mercy."

"Did you enjoy executing your mercy?!" I wail, ripping my arms away from Lucy and Yannick. My gaze does not trail to them at all, as I am intent on getting answers from my dog's executioner.

The Hound's face is blank, it enrages me.

I snarl through tears, "gods, I hope you did! I hope you savored finally being free of your bitch!"

Lucy calls after me as when I storm away. She means to run after me but shoots a glare at the Hound before doing so. She is momentarily stunned when he sees how distraught he looks at the moment. 

Sandor marches out of the estate.

I jolt awake when I hear the front door opening. I wipe my face and quickly stand from the chair in the middle of the living space. The fireplace near me had already burned out.

After the sound of locks disappear in the darkness, I take the unlit candle on the table beside me and walk up to the burning candelabra to light it.

I hear heavy footsteps draw closer.

Boots skid, "fuck."

I look up after lighting my candle. The Hound looks back at me.

"What are you doing?"

I purse my lips and turn to my feet. I clutch my candle, finding it hard to speak. 

"Lucy kick you out of her bed?" he mutters then begins to walk off.

I look up and follow after him. I finally muster out, "you arrive later and later."

He scoffs.

"It's been five days. I fear you'll not return by the tenth."

I pull my head back and stop in my tracks just as the Hound turns and chuckles, "don't worry, little girl. I like the wages of a Lord. Your hound isn't running."

"I know you're not running!" I snap, "I wonder why you think so poorly of yourself!"

"I think poorly of myself?" he hisses and points to his chest.

"Yes!" I bark and push myself up on my tiptoes to prove a point, "and since you are so keen to put words in my mouth, I hope you shove all the fucking pie the unwitting peasants gave you down your blasted throat!"

The Hound is shocked by my profanity. His face slips into confusion.

I heave and pull back, intent on walking away. And I do. I should have never waited for him.

"What fucking pie?"

I snap and turn back at him, "the one you could have eaten fresh had you spared a moment this morning before leaving for a monster hunt!"

Sandor is wholeheartedly confused.

I am aggravated by his expression. I wave my hands, unintentionally putting out the flame of my candle, "they love you, Hound! They're thankful and grateful!"

Though it was darker now, I see his face pinch in to a sort of disgusted disbelief. The sight infuriates me, it squeezes my heart, it pricks me frustration. I wipe my face and repeat the words that were spoken to me, "tell Lord Clegane that without him my children would be dead. Tell Lord Clegane that he has saved me family from hunger. Tell Lord Clegane that me, and my sons, and my sheep are happy to-"

"I didn't do it for them," Sandor cuts me off with a hand raise.

I purse my lips and slowly pull my head back at his words.

He lowers his hand and eyes me for a moment. I see how his gaze drinks my figure. He clenches his jaw and looks away, "you should be asleep."

My jaw slacks.

I wait for him to look at me. I wait for him to ask if I was going to sleep with Lucy again. I wait for him to apologize for keeping me up worrying. I wait for him to bring up Daisy. I wait him to do something, but he doesn't.

My eyes water, "my lo-"

"Good night," he dismisses and turns around to walk away.

"Aren't you-" my voice cracks, "-going to ask me to go to bed with you?"

He stops in his tracks. He does not look back, "do you want me to?"

I furrow my brows deeply. I feel like I was drowning. I let out a shaky breath and wrap my arms around myself. I shake my head and turn away. I chuckle dryly, "forgive me for even asking."

Sandor turns back, jaw hanging, hands clenched. He does nothing but watch.

"Do you know what's going to happen now, little girl?"

"Yes."

"What's going to happen?"

"You're going to fuck me."

Sandor laughs lowly, placing his hands on my cheeks. He swipes his thumb on my lips, "filthy mouth."

He kisses me deeply.

"Tell me honest," he mutters through kisses, "have you ever done this before?" he speaks as his hands paw at my sides, "I would not judge you if you did."

I squeak when he touches me between my thighs.

He draws out a deep breath, "no, of course you haven't; you're a good girl."

I gasp at the sound of thunder. I jolt up from my bed-- I turn to my side, seeing a sleeping Lucy's form-- or I mean, Lucy's bed. I look for Daisy in the room as I slowly push the blankets off me. I still when I realize she wasn't here.

I huff and wipe my face. I try to push away the thoughts of Daisy out of my head. I try not to think of her so much because I end up melancholy and furious. I, instead, find myself drifting to the dream I just had-- been having.

The mind can be so treacherous. I nibble my lower lip and rub my belly.

I tried, you know. I went to the Hound the morning after we fought about his coming home late. I tried to make peace with him. I tried to persuade him. I tried to kiss him.

I gasp again when another crack of thunder echoes through the room.

He wasn't having it though. He pushed me away and told me it was wrong, that we shouldn't be doing that. He left the estate shortly after. He hasn't been home since.

I get out of bed and light a candle for myself. I walk to my bedroom and light any of the candles that went off on my way. I wrap my arms around myself and rub my skin. I open the door to room as softly as possible, though it didn't really matter in the end because it was pouring outside and the noise wouldn't be loud.

With a barely audible creak, the door opens.

And it was also empty.

I sigh at the made bed. I walk towards it and smoothen out the already smooth sheets. I decide to get dressed for the day.

I head to the office, which as empty as the bedroom. I light the candles there.

I sit down on the desk and go through the papers, the letters of requests, the list of complaints, the finances, the works. I rub my eyes, willing my sleep away. I look out my window, seeing barely any hint of sun through the dark clouds.

I don't know how exactly how much time passed between then and when Arron burst in, but it must have been a while, considering how nice it felt to stand after hearing him shout, "HE'S HOME, MILADY!"

I immediately blow out the candles as Arron tells me the Hound was in the living area. I thank him for telling me, gather my skirts, and jog out of the room.

I cannot hear the click of my heels over the sound of the persisting rain-- the persisting storm.

I stop in my tracks when I see a trail of water in the corridor that led to my bedroom.

A crack of lightning bolts through the sky when I walk in and ask "where have you been?!"

The Hound is dripping in rain water. He has his back turned to me. He is undoing his armor.

I clench my fists and storm up to him. I circle in front of him the same time he walks towards the closet. He stops there, still undoing his armor, back turned to me again.

I scowl, "Hound! I'm speaking to you!"

He looks over his shoulder, the one he was trying to undo, "what? I can't hear you over the rain."

I burn hot with anger and march up to him, "I asked where you've been!"

The Hound looks down at me. He releases the grip on his shoulder, "does it matter where I've been?"

"Yes!" I snap, "you haven't come home in 7 days."

He scoffs, "thrilling to know you've been counting," he points to the window, "well, as you can see, it's fucking storming."

"It wasn't storming the day you left," I hiss.

"Well, it was when I decided to come to my beautiful wife," he leans down and jeers.

I knit my brows at him and pull back when I smell the alcohol in his breath.

He takes my chin between his fingers, "come on give us a smile."

I pull away from him, heart racing, chin burning, even though his touch got my skin damp with rain water.

The Hound straightens up and undoes his armor again.

I step away from him, "Job said he saw you in the next town over."

"Who the fuck is Job?" he asks, not bothering to look at me.

"Polly's father."

"The stable boy?" he turns to me.

"Yes," I hiss and I feel anger build up in me.

He says nothing.

I nearly choke when I say the next words, "he said he saw you coming out of brothel."

The Hound stills. He drops his hands to the side.

Both of us just stand there for a moment. The rain seems to intensify, and so does the tension between us.

"Tell me the truth," I mutter, "do you-"

"It was the town with the fucking unavailable inn," he shifts in his spot to turn to me, "I went to the brothel instead and paid for lodging there."

I purse my lips at his words. That was not what I was going to ask him. I battle with myself, trying to find the words I want to say. I revise my words over and over again in my head. There were so many things I wanted to say, yet so little ways to make it easy to speak out.

I shake my head, "am I very hard to want?"

Sandor feels rain water drip from his fingers.

I don't know how I feel about the bewildered and perplexed expression that spreads across his face. I do know one thing at least, I feel too exhausted to cry.

I sigh and shrug, "I am no fool, Hound. I learned through the gossip of my maids and my aunts growing up that men are simply like... this. It is their nature to stray. Of course, I hoped different for myself, but we cannot have it all, can we?"

"But I didn't do anything," he snaps. He deflates, "I swear by the gods, old and new."

I press my lips into a tight smile. I slowly walk up to him. He watches me intently. I hear his breath hitch when I begin to undo his armor for him. I half expect him to make me stop. He doesn't.

Sandor steps forward. There's barely any space between us anymore. His heart is racing. His hands itch to touch. He releases a breath when his hand comes to my side.

My stomach swirls at the feel of his palm but I do nothing. Neither do I look at him when I mutter, "maybe you should."

Sandor watches me remove his armor. He furrow his brows and whispers, "what?"

I drop the steel plate to the ground with a clank. It is loud even with the sound of pouring rain.

He doesn't like it when he receives no reply. He takes my wrist. I stop my task. His hand is warm albeit the dampness, and so very gentle. 

I finally look up at him.

He leans closer and speaks louder. He shakes his head and furrows his brows, "what did you say, pretty squirrel?"

I raise my brows, "maybe you should."

"Should what?"

"Do something in the brothels."

His face falls. We stare at each other for a moment. He is clearly in disbelief.

I pull my hand out of his grip. He almost doesn't let me.

"It's not a trick, I swear it."

"What are you saying?" he shakes his head faster and finds himself playing on the offensive, "you want me to be with someone else?!"

"I want a baby," I mutter.

Sandor's face falls again, but then it twists. It is unbearable to look at.

"Find a woman you desire," I turn away from him, "and give her your seed. You may keep her here if you like, and I will let her take care of the babe, but the babe will be mine."

His lips part.

"You're right. I don't want the memory of my family to be tainted by monstrosity-"

He shakes his head once more.

"-and I am the last of my line. My line lives on with House Clegane. People remember names, not blood."

He takes my hand, "I desire you."

I cannot help it. I begin to cry because of that. I break into both tears and laughter, "you needn't shield my heart, Sandor."

Sandor's stomach drops, both at the fact his own words have been used against him and with how his name was spoken.

I place a hand on his cheek.

His knees go weak.

"We've both hurt enough," I smile, "I know you think otherwise, but I'm not a little girl. I know sometimes winning means admitting defeat when the loss is great."

He grabs both my wrists when I try to pull away. I gasp when he does so. He holds me for a second then releases my wrists to capture my cheeks instead. He wipes my tears with his thumbs. He swipes my lips, "I love you."

I screw my eyes shut and cling onto his forearm. I let out another laugh, "I don't think you hurt people that you love, my lord."

The Hound is pierced through his armor.

He doesn't put up a fight when I pull his hands off me.

I continue to undo his armor. He doesn't move an inch.

"Will you sleep with me tonight?" he whispers. The sound of the rain is too loud that only him and the gods heard it.

Sandor had been out of it ever since his pretty squirrel ate his insides. He was thick faced, literally and figuratively; he's learned to take pride in it, to find solace in the fact all the years of flesh ripping torture-- figuratively and literally, had made him indifferent to what people think, made him apathetic, numb.

And yet her smile that day was worse than a sword through the spleen. Her disbelief in his words-- because she was right, you don't hurt people you love-- was heart wrenching, blood draining.

What do you say to that? How do you fix that?

You don't.

He knows you don't. You can't fix something like that.

And since this truth has dawned on him, since this truth has slit his throat, he's been a headless, mindless fucker. He was a dead man walking, and one more unwitting monster attack away from making it real.

"MILORD!" Carter cries, raising his sword to hack at the monster who managed to swipe his lately-been-aloof Lord Clegane.

The boy is fired up; his blood is pumping enough to enable him to cut the black demon's arm off and sequentially pierce it through its heart. Carter does it with a scream and regrets it a moment later; after all, they were in the middle of the woods.

They have to get out of here.

Sandor makes a pained noise. He feels heat surge down his arm and cold shiver up his spine.

"YOU'RE BLEEDING!" Carter gasps, mortified that his lord's armor was scraped off his back. The boy realizes suddenly that his Lord, the fearsome Hound, was not invincible. This newfound truth rips into his ribs the way, he thinks, the monsters would.

The boy immediately takes the Hound in his arms, though it wasn't like he could actually carry him if he wanted. Sandor steadies himself on the boy; Carter struggles even with that task. 

Still, the smaller manages to support his Lord out of the woods.

The next thing Sandor knows, he's screaming and thrashing. He vaguely hears the sound of footsteps skidding away from him.

"What's happening, Maester Yannick?!"

A deep sigh, "he probably feels the pain now."

Sandor realizes he's sat down on a stool, leaned against a table, or at least he was before he started flailing his arms around. He lets out a guttural cry as he pushes himself up. He realizes he's in the ward, being attended by the maester, and his wife was present and very troubled.

"My lord!" Yannick exclaims, raising his hands in both surrender and an attempt to soothe, "it's alright. I have stitched your wounds closed. Do not tear them open "

Sandor huffs through his nostrils. He turns to his side when he hears the soft way his name was spoken. Lady Clegane walks closer, hand wanting to reach out to him. He almost reaches back but then she digs her nails into her palms.

He sinks into the stool and watches her look at him. Her eyes are glassy. Why are they always glassy?

"My lord," Yannick walks towards him, "I'm going to wrap your wounds now."

Sandor huffs in agreement, or more accurately, acknowledgement. His eyes are still fixed on her though. He watches her hover around him, evidently unsure about approaching him.

He wants to reach out to her. He wants to touch her, to soothe her so, so badly.

He's shocked when she decides to take his hand and whispers, "shall I get you milk of the poppy?" 

Sandor looks up at her. Her voice was shaky and he hates how worried it sounded, how desperate. He hates how her eyes were constantly red. He knits his brows, "no."

She hisses, "are you certain? Your gashes are deep. No one in the world would fault you for wanting something to relieve the pain."

"I want to feel it," he mutters, "I want to feel."

She looks between the two of them in a panic, "but you've lost so much blood--"

"Perhaps," Yannick interrupts firmly. He starts binding his wounds, "he wants to feel precisely because he's light headed after losing blood."

Sandor straightens up slowly as he is instructed to. His attention is solely focused on the sensation on his hand though, on how the jittery squirrel was rubbing her soft fingers on his calloused skin.

She persists with this action until his chest and back is bound, she persists until Maester Yannick leaves the room, she persists until, next moment, she drops on her knees beside him. The Hound reacts in an instant.

He gets on the floor beside her, uncaring how it hurt his back, and clutches her face. He calls her name in horror.

"Are you punishing me?" she whispers as water in her eyes threaten to spill.

Sandor knits his brows deeply. He can't speak. He's too afraid to. Everything he's said up until that point has done nothing but rip them both apart. He was a hound after all.

"Are you trying to kill yourself to get back at me?" she mutters, distressed, pained, and defeated.

His face contorts even more. He hesitates but then shakes his head, "no."

"The boy said you've been acting differently as of late!" she grabs his wrists, "ever since I told you what I wanted from you."

His lips twitch. He looks away.

She tightens her grip, "please."

He is suddenly so acutely aware of his injuries. The pain throbs all the way through his heart.

"Please," she begs softly, "just tell me what you want from me-"

"Everything."

The way he responded was quick, as if it was practiced, as if it was reflex.

He avoids her gaze. He takes a deep breath. He waits for a response he somehow knows will never come.

When he turns to her, he notices how her face dropped. Gods, Sandor. Get it together.

"I want-" he starts but cannot continue because of how guilty he feels over the sight of her wobbling lip.

Sandor's hands loosen. They melt from her cheeks, down her shoulders. He grips the area, as if she was water about to slip through his fingers. He releases a breath, and with it, it seems, his thoughts escape. He mutters somethings that mean nothing. She doesn't understand anything.

She whimpers, "I have nothing left to give; you already have it all."

The Hound freezes when his cheek is touched, when his scar is touched. It's like it's being burned all over again.

"Is there something I can give you now?" she huffs uneasily.

He sighs. He feels the wounds throbbing; he feels his head pounding, "no."

"Then will you let me go now?" 

No. No, no, no, no-

"Or, please, at least loosen your grip."

Immediately, Sandor releases her shoulders. She sequentially lets out a breath and rubs the area. There is an imprint on the area of her exposed skin.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck-

"Do you want me to stay?"

Yes. "Do you want to stay?"

"I had planned to finish some errands before going to bed."

Sandor averts his gaze then slowly crawls back to his stool, "then leave."

It almost hurts as much as his cuts how quickly she stands. She looks down at him, "I will leave you to your solidarity."

Please don't go.

"I will tell Maester Yannick to come back to attend to you, Hound."

Hound. It sounds like shattering glass.

Sandor listens to the click of her heels as she leaves him.

[mamasplat]

i was on vacation- the aggression chart???? lmao

nicee 👍👍 loving the work

also the themed playthroughs seem fun :)

Oh I’m having a great time with my true calem run, just got through shalour city

And while I’ve yet to piece together the aggression chart I will use this as an opening to break down the relationship chart that started as an unholy consequence of me trying to fit calem into anime plots

Starting from the top:

Shauna having feelings for Calem is something that is laid on very thick in the firework scene. Anime wise I almost linked Shauna to Serena too but I ended up backing off the idea because I was lacking evidence.

Tierno, i don’t think i need to explain this much if you’ve watched the anime, his crush on Serena was something he was very open about.

Miette, I actually don’t think she had a thing for Ash, like at all, she does not try to pursue him at all in the anime she just likes to talk about it, it’s a tool to get under Serena’s skin. But that alone would make her a valued piece of the unholy love triangle amalgamation so I added her to the chart.

Calem, specifically, Rival Calem: okay I think I need to explain this one a little more blatantly. Calem’s character arc cannot exist without Serena. His entire journey is dedicated to her mere existence, and pokemon masters really hammers home how important she is to him. She is the blueprint to his every move and step forward because in his mind she deserves better than he can offer so he will fight to be better. The way he talks about her when she isn’t around is unapologetic admiration and I cannot ignore the writing on the wall. He likes her. He’s got it bad.

Serena, specifically anime Serena of course. Her emotional attachment to Ash isn’t just surface level like Tiernos attraction to her, being around Ash gave her the courage to be herself, to stand up to her mom and make her own future, to keep going even when she’s lost and lost hard. She used Ash as a moral compass to keep her head in the game and that only strengthened her connection to him. The end of the series kiss scene was far from unwelcomed, it was over due.

Ash….this boy is oblivious as shit. I’m sorry Serena was not sly nor slick she fumbled at every turn and you STILL didn’t know??? I and from what I can see, many other fans, have come to the only conclusion that Ash just doesn’t do romance. He has ignored so many clear cut love interests and left them one sided because he doesn’t recognize or want romance. He just wants to be the best like no one ever was, love isn’t on his mind, therefore he is clueless to the love induced war going on around him. He is an unintentional ladies man.

And ALLLL of that is just the information i collected from rewatching the whole of X&Y while also replaying through pokemon X and ALSO going through pokemas events. Its all connected, i haven’t done anything else with my free time, its all kalos baby. ALL KALOS.

Blame Pokemon ZA being announced (I say as if I hadn’t started this before that)

[jiaoqiu-s-bitch]

two great minds came together and came up with this request: neuvilette as a priest (see the genshin halloween art) x female goth!reader that seduces him 🤭 MAKE IT UNHOLYYYYYY

yeahhh I’ve been procrastinating this for quite a while LMAO, but I didn’t wanna leave you guys hanging - so just take it and run with it😀🏃🏻‍♀️‍➡️

also I’m rusty af and had no ✨imagination✨ here don’t @ me

—————

Priest!Neuvillette x (fem) Goth!Reader || vaguely 18+

• Neuvillette certainly was the type to be drawn to innocence and purity, absolutely nothing dark or sinful, God forbid

• frankly, when you first came to his church, he had to overthink his entire existence

• part of him had hoped for you to come back soon, and the other part had hoped to never see you again so he wouldn’t be forced to go down that rabbit hole

• but you didn’t do him that favor, I mean how could you? there’s no way you’d be able to resist this gorgeous man regularly preaching his faith to the "sinners"

• everything about him made you want to ruin the respectably imposing yet incredibly gentle man, made you want to see him lose all of his composure just for you

• you knew he was certainly no stranger to tears, albeit silent ones, but whenever you looked at him, you couldn’t help craving to hear him cry out for you, for your touch and care

• he instilled the strong desire in you to make him forget all about his God - you were determined to be the only thing plaguing his mind from now on

• Neuvillette wasn’t actively practicing celibacy, he merely had other things on his mind rather than such impure things… well, up until now

• and when you showed up one night in order to confess your unholy attraction to him?? it was as if a long-corroded dam inside of him had broken, and every fiber of his being felt like it had suddenly been enlightened in the most obscure way possible, thoughts of him doing… things to you flooding his mind like an unstoppable cascade

• he couldn’t help but wonder… what would your soft skin feel like under the touch of his hands? what would you taste like, sound like? what would you look like, all disheveled beneath him?

• yet the sane and rational parts of his mind hindered him from actually acting upon these thoughts himself - he wouldn’t allow himself to act against his strong sense of responsibility

• but what would happen if you were to push his buttons just right…?

~~~

…he might just indulge you in a moment of weakness, allowing himself to be greedy and for you to corrupt him just this once

…he might allow you to slide your sinfully sharp nails beneath his robe, run them along his skin in a gentle, yet undoubtedly demanding manner

…he might let you hear his soft noises of enjoyment whenever you‘d get near a particularly sensitive area, whenever you’d bury your hands in his silky hair and tug on it ever so slightly to make sure you still had his full, undivided attention

…he might touch you in all the places you’ve been craving him, carefully and meticulously following your instructions and letting you guide him through the entire process in order to please you to the best of his abilities

…he might tentatively run his tongue along your most sensitive spots, in a hesitant yet exhilarated manner, his every movement getting more daring with every sweet noise of pleasure he’d be able to draw from your lips

…he might not let up until he would be satisfied, which would only be the case when he’d be certain you were absolutely spent and could not bear another touch

~~~

• …or he might not.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

related mostly to this, but also this, so... very tmi shit under the cut:

Normally, when I have tmi sex and/or scene stories to tell, I put them in the tags, but there's too much to say this time thus, a whole fucking post. No half hiding in the tags, lmao.

Last night was a goddamn religion experience. I swear to FUCK. I say scenes are godly in the most unholy way in my writing a lot and... yeah 😮‍💨

The first thing I did at the party was get my boots blacked, since I've always wanted to, and--Jesus Christ. I would have been completely chill with that being my only playing for the whole night because it was ✨️that good✨️

The bootblack that was there was criminally, unfairly good in so many ways. For one, my boots look better than they did when I bought them, and I do upkeep them myself. Secondly, he fried my fucking brain. Of course, I understood that bootblacking in a kink setting is a kinky experience and would be deeply sexual going into it. That being said, I was not fucking prepared for the bootblack to apply some of the shit he was using on my leather with his tongue. I was not prepared to have one of the leather belts that he had to work on wrapped around my neck to use as a leash to force me down closer to his level where he was at my feet so he could kiss me. With my chest pressed to my thighs, his hand at the end of some strangers belt around my throat, he kissed me, and smeared some of whatever it was he was using into my mouth, against my own tongue. I was not prepared for him to taste the leather of my boots, nor was I prepared for him to share the fucking taste (not to mention him asking if I wanted a second taste when we broke apart and me immediately going, "uh-huh," as if I were trained on command). 😮‍💨🥴 Oh. my. fucking. god.

I tipped the bootblack because, duh, and he playfully refused to accept it from my hand. Instead, he had me wedge the cash between the lases of my boots because he wanted to show off how he could untie my laces with just his teeth. He did. He fucking did. Then, he had me re-tie my own laces. I nearly fucking forgot how to tie my boots, I shit you not--and I'm pretty sure that was the point 👀

Okay, so, boots blackened and severely fucking turned on, after that I was like whatever the fuck comes up, I'm fucking good. I. Yeah.

I watched for a while. The guy who threw the party had a really big house with only a small part set as off-limits, so I wandered around until... I got approached by a different guy. I forget the exact words of his opener, and even if I remembered it, it would be nowhere as charming in text as in real life. Anyway, he was straight (ha) to the point and basically was, just, hey, you look like you're really light (for reference, think about pre-serum Steve but a tiny bit taller, I'm 5'6", not 5'4"), I bet you'd be perfect to suspend. And, oh, are you into that, by chance? When I said I'd never been suspended, he started to back off, but I was like, oh, oh no. You can't say shit like that to me and not expect to make me curious to try.

People.

I've tied other people up before, but I haven't been tied up myself in any real capacity--I've practiced shit on myself and gotten off, lmao. And certainly, I had never been suspended myself.

I have now.

I got fucking suspended.

There were anchor points in the ceiling of the basement, and we used them to their full capacity. The writer in me is, like, details details details, meaning I would fucking love to tell you what ties he did and everything but I don't fucking remember. He told me the names before we got into it so I could agree. But I don't recall in the fucking slightest, lmao. I just. Brain gone.

He did my legs (my calves to the back of my thighs) and arms (which were straight back behind me, tied together at the elbow and wrist, meaning that my arms were up toward the ceiling as I was facing the floor). (Eventually, he tied a rope around my torso at the small of my back, too, to help hold me up, that was later, though.)

But.

Before I was really suspended, I was on the floor, he had me on my back, legs folded up underneath me, arching my back to accommodate for the position and so my stomach and dick was very exposed, and he joked very casually--while standing over me, staring down and smirking, of course 🥴--about kicking me so hard that he'd leave the tread print of his boot in my stomach and. I think I died.

Fuck.

I really kinda wish he did kick me that hard 😮‍💨 I'm sure the pattern of the fucking workboots he had on would look great.

Anyway, then, later, I was not on the floor. At all. And as it turns out, I'm even more bendy than I apparently already look 💀

I don't really experience subspace in the same capacity that I experience domspace. I don't go as deep, for sure. And maybe that's why I prefer domming to some degree. That being said, suspension is probably the deepest I've ever gone into subspace. Like. That weightlessness. Every touch, meant to be stimulating--being groped or whatever--or not--like having his fingers slide between my skin and the ropes, checking to make sure nothing was too tight--made my entire body move and sway and twist. Yet, I absolutely couldn't move. I could not keep anything straight. He would touch me in one place and then suddenly be doing something else, somewhere else.

The rope he was using was sisal and holy shit. It's like jute but better because it's rougher and it hurts more. Like. Suspension obviously doesn't have to hurt. I told him I was all good with more than a little hurt, though. So. He made it hurt.

And I now have the announcment that I... I may be much more of a masochist than I thought 💀💀

I couldn't move, obviously, but I could strain against the ropes some and oh my fucking god. He edged me, jerking me off, before I came down from the tie and he swear to god I was groaning so ridiculously loudly by the end because I couldn't not strain and flex against the rope but that just made the rope dig even more into my skin. Every time I twitched it hurt a little more. Not gonna lie, I think the weightlessness and restraining and pain did more for me than the pleasure of a hand job 😮‍💨

It was incredible.

That fucking dom was incredible. He was so good at ties and suspension and so accommodating to my inexperience, listening but also creative enough to know where to push to give me more than I wanted.

Also. Because I was already fucking there and why not go zero to sixty, though, this is probably more like zero to hundred, lmao, when I came down from being suspended, he untied me, and then I gave my first blow job. It is exactly what I thought it would be, which is intoxicating. The smell. The taste. The weight of it. The power. The way he enjoyed it. Just. Yup.

I was totally fucking locked in the entire time the scene was happening, nothing else fucking existed, nothing else could have--but now that I'm out of it... I can't wait to turn around and have a sub that I can give head to in the same way. I love eating pussy, I really fucking do. It's about the heat, the wetness, the smell, the way they squirm, those noises, and the way it's so fucking easy to pull pleasure out of someone like that. And I just know sucking dick would be the same, doing it from the dom side, not the sub side. As a sub, don't get me wrong, it feels so fucking good to be used--aching, in pain, like, fucking throbbing but also totally limp, so all you can do is stay where they put you and be used. But, I just know flipped it'll be just as good and, maybe, for my personal taste, better.

Aftercare was done--that rope dom was fucking great (as was that bootblack). And before my friend, who I came with, and I left, we did little more watching, together, then headed home.

So, to simplify: first, all gay dungeon party achieved and successful 😮‍💨😮‍💨 Bootblacking experience successful and hot as shit. Suspension experience successful, also hot as shit. Giving a blowjob successful, hot, and in need of repeats.

Thanks for listening to my tmi tales, lmao

[ohbo-ohno]

i just went back and re-read the texas chainsaw ghoap x reader you wrote and i've been obsessing over THAT audition tape and...my mind has worms re the insane, unholy combination of the two:

reader, a naive camera operator in the room with a crush on...Soap who came in for an "audition" because...Ghost figured out where you work, knowing that Soap's going to lure you into their big fuck-off car outside...

help me bo, you're my only hope

LUMI HELLO I LOVE YOU!! link to that here for those interested. also i cant believe you sent this to me instead of just posting it it's fantastic

thinking about ghost and soap spotting you and immediately contriving a needlessly complicated plot just to kidnap you kinda kills me lmao. ghost is like "let's just take her off the street" but soap already has a whole fake identity developed for both of them and he doesn't want to ruin his boy's fun :/

the texas chainsaw ghoap thing i wrote is veryyy criminal minds coded lmao, they literally kidnapped a whole group of people just to see who would survive to the end so they could have a new toy. so in this situation, they're not snatching you just to keep you, they're snatching you to make you play along in a sick game to then decide if they want to keep you. insane freaks!

also thinking of soap doing an accent to fuck with you and then switching back to his natural scottish and laughing when you get all surprised... improving in his audition and throwing in ridiculously sexual lines to watch you blush and squirm (you ask him to stop making eye contact and he refuses bc wdym you expect him to deliver lines to a wall? no, it's easier looking at you <3)... he mentions his "partner" simon and you're a little crushed that he's taken and he has the time of his life flirting with you and watching you try to hold yourself back because you think he's unavailable

[silly-inky]

You will not believe how long I've wanted to ramble about my boy to someone other than my irl bestie.

So Darlington has a lot of mobility issues due to being half dead from birth so he need mobility aids. He also gets sick really easily again because he'd technically the undead. He looks very human but does have a couple Boo features. He also almost always has his tounge sticking out for no apparent reason (part of the Boo heritage) it's also a slight shade of purple (again from KB). He was also born with albinism and has KB's violet eyes. He does have the ghostly hatred for the sun along side burning very easily so he very much doesn't like being outside. He does have some ghost powers but it's only floating and being able to phase through walls. Despite his disabilities he somehow still manages to scare the crap out of people, for example sneaking up on Peach and Mario when they visit and making them scream bloody murder. He's also a thin child because he's so sickly but he does get better as he gets older so when he's a teen he's actually quite chubby. I was also thinking his eyes would glow in the dark like KB so there's another way he scares the living fuck out of people.

He also has an unholy obsession with opera like KB. That is because off all the times he was bedridden KB would put on records or recordings of operas for Darlington. He also learned a language due to opera but instead of Italian it was French, he already knew Italian because of Luigi. Also Darlington is a rather shy kid, soft spoken too but if he's on stage he can project his voice like none other. He also does the Boo thing of covering the eyes and getting flustered when being introduced to new people.

Also Darlington's first Halloween (that he remembers) Junior was there with them, Junior's costume was an inflatable Boo costume (think those inflatable Dino costumes) Darlington was dressed as the Phantom of the opera. KB has drilled it into his head by the time he can talk that the Phantom of the opera is not an opera but rather a musical with operatics

Awww I love hiimmmm

Darlington sounds like a lovely kid and I'm glad he got a bit healthier as he got older, his dad (KB) essentially made him a vampire lmao.

I'm glad King Boo has someone to share his love of opera now, I'm sure Luigi feels a little singled out for it but I'm sure he loves to his boy's having fun

King Boo going full opera nerd on him about Phantom of the Opera from such a young age is so him and I love it, it seems like something my dad would do honestly lmao

I'm curious as to what characteristics and quirks he shares with his other dad, and I can imagine him being spoiled rotten as kid, but it doesn't seem to have gone to his head which is good

I hope being able to float helps a bit with his mobility issues, do you think if he found another source of power like King Boo did it could possibly help with his powers?

I hope he gets all the love he deserves from his family, and I can imagine him being swarmed and fussed over by all the small Boo's which is just so cute

Thank you so much for sharing

[siilvan]

The people have spoken, and they want PetraxYuri NSFW Alphabet 🤭

PetraYuri NSFW Alphabet

You're officially to blame for me not working on Bloodsport today. I mean, I probably will after this, but you're to blame for it taking longer lmao. Not complaining, like I said privately, I was already planning an NSFW alphabet for Petra and I love talking about these two 🤭🤭

This will cover NSFW subjects (obviously) and briefly touch on some sensitive subjects like SA, abuse, trauma, and PTSD. If that's not for you, feel free to scroll <3

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex.)

After sex, Petra is the type to want to cuddle and bask in the afterglow of it. She thrives off the intimacy and comfort that comes with laying in his arms, especially since sex is a very vulnerable time for her.

For Yuri, he gets very lazy after sex and just wants to cuddle, so they're compatible on that front. Depending on how they're both feeling, they're either spooning, laying with her head on his chest, or vice versa.

They'll get cleaned up eventually, once she's able to drag herself out of his embrace and he's able to let her go. There's plenty of days where the cleanup actually consists of Petra laying in bed while Yuri takes care of her because, despite her protests and insistence that she can handle it herself, he refuses to let her lift a finger.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and their partner.)

For Petra, her favorite body parts on herself are probably her breasts, hips, and thighs. She's pretty genetically gifted on those fronts (PCOS is a curse, but a blessing in terms of giving her extra fat in all the right places), but she also works hard to maintain them. She's also pretty proud of her ass and toned arms, the latter of which she's worked out religiously while trying to keep up with her team.

On Yuri, one of her favorite things about him is his hands. Dexterous, strong, experienced, and the very things that made her discover she has both a hand kink and a tattoo kink lol. She loves it when he touches her and lets her mind drift off to some unholy places that would get her banned from any church in her country. Also, his arms and chest. Strong and warm, she feels safest in his embrace.

For Yuri, his favorite body part of his would probably be his hands or his mouth. He knows he's skilled with his hands and there's few things he enjoys more than making her come undone with just his touch. He indulges in the way the lightest brush of his fingers can make her shiver. Despite him being a fairly quiet person at all times, he's damn good at using his mouth to drive her closer to the edge, whether it be with words of praise or his mouth on her skin.

On Petra, his favorite things are her breasts and thighs. What can I say? He's a simple man who loves having something to hold and squeeze. She's called her tits "stress balls" in the past and he uses them as such, always grabbing and kneading at them like a cat when they're alone (something she's not complaining about, they get heavy and she's happy to let him support the weight) or using them as a pillow instead. His favorite place to rest his head is her lap, though. At the end of a long day, it's all he wants to do, and he's never one to complain about having them wrapped around his head, either. Again, he's damn good at using his mouth.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically.)

Inside. Something they discovered fairly quickly is that inside is where they both wanted it to go. She's got an IUD that she makes sure to replace when needed and takes the pill, they're smart about it. If not inside, then she prefers to swallow or let him paint her stomach and thighs. The latter is messy, so... they tend to clean up quickly despite the sight of it easily pushing them into another round.

D = Dirty Secret (A dirty secret of theirs.)

Every couple has their secrets... including these two.

The dirty secret they'll always keep close to their chests is how, one time, after they hadn't seen each other in far too long, they just couldn't wait until they were off base to enjoy each other again. It didn't help that they'd be stuck there for at least a few days and they wanted each other now.

A single kiss very quickly led to them hiding in one of the small alleys between buildings, with Yuri holding her up against the wall and Petra biting his shoulder just to keep quiet. It was late, it wasn't like they fucked in broad daylight in the sightline of any poor rookies coming out for a smoke break, but there was a small group that got dangerously close to seeing the pair in a very compromising position.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

For Petra, she's decently experienced. She's unlabeled (with a preference for men), but has slept with both men and women before. After some things that happened in her early teenage years, she was hesitant to approach the subject, but lost her virginity with her ex (mentioned in her backstory) when she was about 21. Since that breakup in 2014, she hasn't been in any relationships, but has had a handful of one night stands over the years – not because she enjoys them, she never has, but she craved any physical comfort she could get during a very dark time of her life.

For Yuri, I firmly believe he's a little less experienced than you'd think. Not because he couldn't easily drag a woman to bed if he wanted to, but he's a busy man who has led a chaotic life. He's had little time and little interest in romance until Petra, but that's not to say he doesn't have any experience at all. He's had one or two longer term partners, a handful of shorter relationships and flings – mostly in his teenage years and twenties – and a couple one night stands, but after he got involved with the special forces and all the convoluted shit that came with working with people like Barkov or Makarov (I'll expand on this in Petra's fic lol), he just didn't have the time or trust for anything.

F = Favorite Position (Self explanatory.)

It might seem basic, but missionary is one they've always enjoyed. The intimacy that comes with being face-to-face, Petra allowing herself to be pinned and trapped under his weight... it's also easy to switch from this to an even better position: a mating press. Thank god for Petra's focus on flexibility in her training, because Yuri will fold her in half once he gets lost in it.

A couple other beloved positions are cowgirl (+ reverse), spooning, and her sitting in his lap in front of a mirror as his fingers work their magic. They usually just go for whatever they're feeling at the time.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Typically speaking, they're a little more serious in the moment. Both Petra and Yuri are people with some... pretty intense trust issues, honestly. It's something that brings them together, but also something that leads to them viewing sex as almost too vulnerable a thing. It leads to overthinking and self doubt, which presents itself as an overly-serious need to please.

As trust builds and they become more secure in not only the relationship and each other, but also in themselves, sex goes from a stressful experience to something far more lighthearted and fun. Petra's a damn tease when she wants to be, always pushing his buttons and egging him on when she wants to play, and Yuri in turn is the type to "discipline" her through edging her for eons (which, she loves, as it just means more time spent under him).

With the fun comes jokes and laughter, and with that comes moments where they pause to appreciate what they have. Breaks between rounds are usually filled with stupid giggling and heavy make-out sessions, they really just can't get enough of each other.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

For Petra, she's seen enough infections and nasty cuts from using a razor or scissors with a fatigued mind in the AFAB patients that have ended up in her care. She prefers to just wax it all off and/or use an in-shower removal cream. It's not that she cares about being bald, she just doesn't want to deal with the maintenance on top of everything else or the discomfort that comes with having hair. It's quick and easy, two of her favorite things.

For Yuri, he didn't particularly care about trimming or maintaining a certain look before he met Petra. He trims his hair because it's what she's comfortable with (and he wants to look good for her, the absolute simp). That being said, one thing Petra does love about him is his body hair – his chest and arm hair is one thing, but it's his happy trail that drives her crazy. It runs right through a sizable scar on his abdomen (five points to anyone who can guess what it's from) and always sends her to her knees.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

Their first few times weren't necessarily all-too romantic, per se, because they were both horribly worried about something going wrong. Either they do something wrong that drives the other away, or the other suddenly decides to betray them in their most vulnerable state.

That never happens, though, and things only get more romantic as time goes on. Kissing, hand-holding, pressing their foreheads together, staring into each other's eyes... despite neither of them being much for PDA beyond holding hands when they're somewhere safe, sex is an extremely romantic time for them.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon.)

For Petra, despite having an above-average sex drive, she's never really been one for masturbating. Her mind has a tendency to wander when she tries to fantasize, either to work she feels like she should be doing or to less savory places that completely pull her out of the moment. She's tried watching porn to solve this issue, but it doesn't help – she starts asking herself the most stupid questions, like "Was this was actually made at home, or is the set and camerawork designed to make it look that way?" or "I wonder how much money they're making off my single view?" or, worst of all, her mind still drifts off to those unsavory places.

For Yuri, despite his natural sex drive being a little lower than hers (until he meets Petra, that is), he's a little more forgiving with himself and fulfilling this basic need. When he was younger, he'd jack off at least 2-3 times a week, but after the shit he went through after joining the military, he lost a lot of his desire to do so. He's never been the type to watch porn because he finds it awkward, nor is he going to be an idiot and try to jack off when someone could walk in, so he's gone incredibly long stretches without it. Like I said before – until he meets Petra. Even before they got together, he was making himself come undone to the thought of her several times a week.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks.)

Voice kink. He's not much of a talker, but he's happy to spout any filth or praise, so long as it keeps her whining and keening for him.

Praise. Self explanatory, this goes both ways.

Breeding/creampies. Even if they're not explicitly saying it, they both love it.

Overstimulation. This usually happens in the form of Yuri driving Petra into a sobbing mess, but she loves how sensitive he can get.

Edging. They like testing each other. Again, usually Petra's the one on the receiving end.

Phone sex/mutual masturbation. These go hand-in-hand, specifically when they're forced apart by their responsibilities.

Marking. Bites, hickeys, bruises – they try to keep it to spots easily hidden by clothing, but occasionally someone gets a little too eager and forgets that.

(Light) bondage. This is one that took a decently long time for them to build up to. Between her existing trust issues and her prior assault, it was a bit of a challenge for Petra at first, but Yuri is a patient man happy to wait for her to be ready.

Nicknames. Mainly for her. He could add "my" in front of almost anything and send a shiver running down her spine. One "good girl" is all it takes to get her going some days.

Grinding. Okay, I'll admit it: there are times these two barely reach taking their clothes off. He loves watching her chase her high on his lap or thigh, and she loves watching his resolve break while he's still fully-dressed, sometimes even in some of his gear.

Sleepy sex. Whether it's before bed or (preferably) after they wake up, they love it. They yearn for every domestic moment they can get.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do.)

Somewhere private, ideally. If they're somewhere with less privacy, like base (whether it's 141, Chimera, etc.) or otherwise a more public place, they try to behave. If there's a room they can safely sneak off to and lock the door behind them, though? It will be used. Their respective offices and bedrooms are their usual spots, if they just can't resist.

At home (because eventually they'll live together off-base), though, no spot is off-limits. Bedroom, couch, kitchen counters, dining table, shower, desk, against the wall, on the floor... it's a challenge to think of where they haven't fucked, honestly.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going.)

They're both major teases once they get more comfortable (and even a little before), so that's usually what leads to one of them breaking and dragging the other to the bedroom, if they even make it that far.

For Petra, what gets her going pretty much 100% of the time is watching Yuri do something with his hands. It can be something as mundane as him filling out paperwork or cleaning a gun, or something as intentional as him running his hands along her curves. Seriously, major hand kink on this one.

For Yuri, what never fails to get him going are the damn doe eyes Petra gives him whenever she's in the mood. She doesn't realize when she's doing it, but the way she looks up at him through her lashes and subtly pouts her lip, it's impossible to resist. Also, just watching her bend over or stretch can do wonders for his imagination and force him to drag her away to "share" his thoughts with her.

N = No (Something they won’t do, turn-offs.)

Anal. It's just not for them (or me lol).

Pain. Some low levels of it is okay, I did say that they love marking and a spank or two isn't unheard of, but they've endured enough pain in their lives already. They're each other's safe places, where they can be confident that every touch will be with nothing but love under their fingertips, they don't want to be hurt or hurt each other.

Threesomes+. Now, while this is subject to change in some fics because I'm an author with whorish thoughts, these two don't like sharing each other. It's not that they're possessive and jealous, they're just... protective and jealous. Petra's only time with more than one person (only one was involved in a sexual sense, but there was another participating) was non-consensual, so it's a "no" for her.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

In the past, she was used to giving and seldom receiving. She just felt awkward having all the attention be on her and she always felt bad over how long it took her to get off. That stopped being acceptable after these two got together. If there's one thing Yuri loves, it's having her thighs clamped around his head as he spends ages between her legs. No amount of time is too long, he's patient and so very methodical when it comes to getting her off.

Like I said before, Petra was always used to being the one giving, and she expected much the same with Yuri. There is some awkwardness thanks to his size and worries about hurting her, but once they get more comfortable? She'll be waiting for him in his office with her hair tied back. It's all about give and take, they never let the other spoil them without returning the favor. It doesn't usually take long for her to get him off this way, though – the mere sight of her kneeling on the floor, staring up at him with those doe eyes seeking approval, with her spit dripping down his length... yeah, that's really all it takes.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual is preferred most of the time. Sex is a time for them to let go and be their most vulnerable selves, so they like to take their time with it. That being said, Petra likes it rough when she's frustrated and just wants her mind wiped clean at the end of a long day – she gets off on the way Yuri can manhandle her so easily, and he can't get enough of the way she mindlessly babbles his name and scratches at his back whenever he fucks her into the mattress.

Basically, it depends on their mood. Slow and sensual, fast and rough, slow and rough... the latter is probably their favorite, honestly. Nothing makes her arch her back off the bed and dig her nails into his skin like those long, deep thrusts that come with it.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are not uncommon, surprisingly. Once these two get a taste of each other, it's like all the years of neglecting themselves pours out and their sex drives skyrocket.

They're both high-ranking officers well-respected by those under their command and workaholics in desperate need of a proper vacation, getting caught in such a position is a nightmare for both of them (mainly for Petra, Yuri cares less about respect).

If they're miraculously at base at the same time for an extended period of time, chances are, they'll sneak into each other's rooms or find somewhere to meet pretty regularly. Getting to take their time is always preferred, though.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Besides their hard no's, they're generally willing to experiment with new things. It's all part of feeling safe with each other and trusting the other not to do anything without their consent. Also, preferably somewhere private, just in case something does go poorly and they need time to recover.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Anyone who has been subjected to my Yuri rambling knows one thing about this man: He's got infinite fucking stamina. He can go for several rounds and still be ready and eager for more – he enjoys seeing how long he can last.

Part of what earned Petra her callsign is the way she can get beat down and always get back up. Yes, this extends to sex for her. It takes a long time and a lot of effort to properly tire her out, so these two can and will go for an egregiously long time whenever they get their hands on each other. Seeing how long they can last and who tires out first is a game for them at this point.

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

After the way she was raised, Petra felt very awkward and ashamed when it came to things like pleasing herself. She never really had toys of any kind because of it – on the rare occasion she'd masturbate, it was usually with her hands or the shower head, if she was desperate. She tried using toys with her ex, but he was the type to insist that he "didn't need the help."

With Yuri, she expected the same response. When she bought herself a small vibrator in an attempt to start pleasing herself when he wasn't around, the part of her that still felt guilty and ashamed over it made her keep it hidden from him.

However, once he found it, he didn't let it go unused. It was something they introduced slowly, but now he loves using it when he's edging or overstimulating her.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease.)

Like I've said a few times already, they're both major teases once they get more comfortable with each other. They're not mean about it (most of the time, at least), but they love riling each other up and seeing just how far they can push each other before they snap. Flirting, lingering touches, whispered innuendos... Petra almost died of embarrassment the first time she sent him a photo of herself, but Yuri's reaction to it made the embarrassment well worth it. Nowadays, she's happy to send him photos and videos, and he even surprises her by sending some in return.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

At first, she was too shy to make much noise. Labored breaths and soft whines were all he got out of her, with her covering her mouth whenever she worried about getting too loud. Yuri didn't accept this, though. He'd pin her hands with his own and drag such sweet sounds out of her – drawn-out whimpers and moans, high-pitched whines, sharp gasps and stuttering breaths. Every breathless "yes," "please," "more," and "Yura..." reminded him that the wait was worth it.

Likewise, he was damn near silent at first. Partially because he was focused on listening to her, and partially because he wasn't used to someone wanting to hear him. Every low grunt and growl that left his lips, every moan that she practically begged him for, every breath of his that fanned across her skin... The only sound she enjoys more is his voice and the words he says to her. When he seems to forget any language but his native tongue, with praise and sweet words in Russian and broken English being all he can muster, that is when she knows he's finally let go to be with her fully.

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character.)

For Petra: She's used to being the caregiver, both in her career, her platonic relationships, and her romantic relationships. With her ex, she was frequently giving without receiving much in return. With her one night stands, there was little to no aftercare provided to her. Because of this, she's always desperately sought out someone who would take care of her instead. After finding this in Yuri, she started letting herself fall into a more submissive state. She still cares for him like she always did for her past lovers, but it's more 50/50 now.

For Yuri: Some selfish and possessive side of him has a dream of being more open about their relationship. They don't hide it, but they limit themselves on PDA and don't often disclose their relationship to people they can't trust not to use the information against them. The thought of sitting at his desk or in a meeting with her on his lap, or even going so far as to get caught in the act just so people will see how well he takes her... it's a nastier fantasy that he keeps to himself (she knows, she can read him like a book) for both of their sakes.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Petra's fit and has a strong body thanks to a lifetime of training. Despite this, she's naturally fairly curvy and has PCOS, so she carries more fat than most people who live similar lifestyles. Most of it is concentrated in "ideal" spots, thankfully – thighs, hips, ass, and tits. Her bra size is 34DD (the joys of her body claim being a model lol) and her breasts are quite heavy, so she tries to control them with sports bras and tight-fitting clothing. Surprisingly, she's got nice shoulders from all the strength-building she's done to keep up with the rest of her team. Carrying medical supplies on top of the regular gear she needs has helped in her maintaining that look, too.

Yuri, on the other hand, is broad. Strong shoulders and a broad back, well-defined after years of military service. He's not some dehydrated, rigid bodybuilder, he's a man who eats well and takes care of himself – he's not soft and still has well-defined abs, but there's some fat over his muscles that just makes him look even bigger (did I mention he's around 6'2"/188 cm in the reboot?). He's littered in scars, both big and small, with his biggest being the older wound on his center stomach. I don't care that the reboot took away his tattoos, he still has them to me. Also: Uncut. 6.6 inches/16.8 cm length. 5.2 inches/13.2 cm girth. Sits heavy and low, even when hard. I will not elaborate further (yes I will).

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Both of them thought their sex drives were fairly low before meeting each other. For Petra, it came from a place of shame and unfavorable past experiences, whereas for Yuri, it came from a place of sheer exhaustion and never having the time to even consider that side of himself.

Once they find each other, though? It's like those years of neglect jump out and force them to act. They will go several times a night, several nights a week, and still crave more. The more comfortable they get and the more the relationship develops, the more their hunger for each other grows. There's times it feels almost scary, just how badly they need each other once they get attached.

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards.)

Depends on the circumstances (at work, at home, stress, fatigue, etc.) and how long they went for. On a good night, they're passing out while tangled up in each other's embrace not long after getting cleaned up. On nights that are a little less idealistic, though, they'll stay up talking about whatever comes to mind – because, a dull conversation is usually leagues better than the things keeping them awake – and trying to appreciate every moment they have together.

Sleep usually comes to them eventually (because there are nights where the best thing they can ask for is some hours of peace), even if it claims one of them faster than the other. They're each other's safe haven and each other's home, there's nowhere else they'll ever have an easier time finding reprieve.

[sexhaver]

I actually can’t handle the notes on that cake post I just might lose it. Do people not know the difference between a cake you buy in a store and a cake made for you is one is made with actual love and care? if the only thing OP cares about for his birthday is the correctness of the cake then he should buy his own cake and eat it all by himself. I…. wtf lmao.

as someone in the tags pointed out, if he bought that cake with his own money and found the exact same amount of vanilla frosting on the inside, he would have eaten it without complaining.

im also going kind of insane visualizing how he ate around the vanilla. like he would've had to eat everything except a line running directly down the middle of the slice. and then sat there poking at his plate and sighing until his gf looks over and sees this unholy shape he's very clearly created on purpose, out of the cake she baked him for his birthday from scratch, and naturally asks him if there's something wrong with it.

what's driving me extra insane is that ppl seem to be running with the summary of "his gf baked him a vanilla cake and then got mad when he didn't like it" when both halves of that statement are directly contradicted by the provided text: it was a chocolate cake with a thin layer of vanilla in the middle, and she only got mad after he pouted like a toddler and berated her over shit that literally does not matter in front of her own children at her own house. truly this is the "piss on the poor" website

[morganrat]

The Resurrection of John Ward

A Faith: The Unholy Trinity alternate universe, created by me :3

(probably contains some game spoilers)

How it is...

!!IMPORTANT DISCLAIMERS!!

✦ THIS ISN'T SUPER IN DEPTH, it is SIMPLE!! My Father Ward wasn't created with anything deep in mind, the headcanons just diverged too much and I ended up making a mini story hdjdjshdshj

✦ I BARELY KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!! I've never actually played FTUT, I'm just going off of fandom wikis and youtube videos

✦ IM PROJECTING A LOT!! This is MY little thing IM working on that I created. This isn't for any of you, it's a way for me to cope and look into myself and my religious trauma and yall are just here for the ride

✦ I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT PLOTHOLES!! It really ain't that serious 😭 (it gets less serious and more casual as i keep writing LMAO)

now that that's outta the way,

How he came to be...

✦ After submitting to the evil he was destined to defeat, allowing the initiation of the Profane Sabbath, Father Ward is no more. Everyone's memories, the Martin house, Amy, Michael, his entire existence wiped clean from the face of the universe.

Well, in HIS universe...

✦ Meanwhile someone not that far away was observing very intently. Being plastered onto millions of screens, he would come to be FAR from forgotten.

✦ Fueled by surges of passion, obsession, and the usage of way too much ink, Father Ward would come to be yet again.

✦ His soul being handed to the one holding the pen that brings him life, Father Ward is rebirthed as an angel in the new world. The honoring of him despite his faith being destroyed, gives him another chance.

How he is doing...

✦ After a little while of confusion surrounding the sudden change in his environment and physique, he quickly became adjusted to his new home.

✦ He slowly starts to loosen up, wandering the new universe appreciating its unusual beauties.

✦ He has nearly nothing to dread now, for his vengeful god and twisted devil have no reign over him here. You can say his faith is dwindling especially after what happened, realizing his god is not in fact infinite.

✦ He DOES still suffer from horrible nightnares, about Amy and the Profane Sabbath...

✦ He also still smokes, his asthma is still very much present, and he has been to the emergency room on several occasions (and counting 😭)

✦ Though it seems like every day he starts to look younger and healthier, with no bible to read he picks up gardening, now carrying with him a flower instead of a cross. His cassock is also now a comfy onesie :3

More about him... (silly)

✦ Before picking up gardening, he attempted to cook and bake! That didn't last long though, he set the ovenstove on fire four times now... When he isn't causing a grease fire though, he can make MEAN scrambled eggs 🗣❗ im talkin GORDON RAMSAY typa shit

✦ Severely allergic to dandelions, he finds ONE in his garden and he freaks the fuck out, Father Ward is vehemently against using any kind of pesticides though

✦ Holding hands with him is nice, his paws are calloused yet gentle from manual labor, he clips his claws regularly so he doesnt accidently hurt the flowers <3

✦ He has paw beans

✦ He secretly sings silly little songs when nobody's around (and when there are people, he hums), it helps him calm down from waves of anxiety, kinda like @littledoof's panic singing LMAO

✦ Father Ward is also growing accustomed to the other residents, the millions of people he reaches in the online space. He's a bit closed off (for now) but still kind to everyone he meets

✦ YES Father Ward IS interactive!! You can talk to him through my ask box, and he will frequently mingle with other posts he finds to be interesting!

✦ Settling down from all the fighting demons and counting the days, slowly but surely he is beginning to find peace, and you all are with him for the journey if youd like to be :)

@400-gallons-of-catholic-guilt

taggin you bc u said u were excited :>

[trashlie]

ILY FP 231

ALRIGHTY KIDS WHO’S READY FOR STALKYOO WEEKEND WHO’S READY FOR ME TO TALK NONSTOP ABOUT ILY AND TENSION AND FEELINGS AND EXECUTION AND SUBTEXT I’M RARING TO GO picture me frothing at the mouth rattling the bars of my cage because that’s been me and that WILL remain me! 

Look I’m about to choke out 246 different posts but I’m going to do my best to try to keep this one on topic... but we know how I get so uhhhh. Brace yourselves lmao 

This episode is just CATNIP for me, and I know I keep saying that but forgive me, everything we’ve been getting in these arcs is jus tailor-made, it’s the stuff I feast on, it’s got me scurrying up walls like a lil lizard chewing on the rafters shrieking like a banshee. I am FED and I am addicted and I WANT MORE!!!!!!! 

Nana + Shinae is just unhinged chaos I was completely unprepared for and getting to see them play out more in this episode is a HOOT. I say this with affection, but I am SO GLAD she’s not MY grandma cos WOW I, too, would be so embarrassed. (Actually she reminds me a lot of my mom, pls understand the embarrassment I have endured at her hand!) Shinae and Nana bonding over their mutual dislike for Rand was SO funny - like oh shit wait you don’t like that old geezer OR that witch? Oh you have TASTE (also there’s a subtle little... dig if we want to call it that “Oh I like this one” [eyes]). All the while Nol just sits by watching with that EXPRESSION LMAO 

In fact, all of Nol’s expressions are SO funny and SO good! I cannot get over his deeply mortified blushing when Nana called the headband his “comfort headband” and pretty much aired that he was so upset that he was fiddling with it lmao LIKE COME ON (BUT ALSO HER INSINUATIONS? NANA U NASTY FREAK LMAOOOOOOO implying he’d done something unholy with it I SIMPLY CANNOT) His expression as he fucking!!! Throws!!!!! His blanket over her with his lil eye buggin out? PURE COMEDY I LOVE IT 

But obviously the meat and potatoes of this episode is the Shinae Nol confrontation - and the elephant in the room. Nol says so much while saying so little - the subtext is off the charts and it’s INSANE to me that they are just.... confessing between the lines lmao 

Let me get this out of the way, my favorite point to yell about: Nol cannot resist Shinae. He tries and he always fails. He is so weak in the face of her - and now he finally understands why. She doesn’t seem to realize it, but she manages to elicit truth out of him, she keeps him rooted to the spot. He’ll purposefully distance himself from her - angle away, sit away - but he still ends up angled in towards her, drawn in. She gets to him in a way that, as far as we can tell, no one else can. It’s what made it so difficult for him to actually part with her - why he stumbled and clutched her before he finally snipped the cord, why he had to block her and when she got around that (her message in his spam) he had to drown it out with alcohol. Her gravitational pull on him is so great and he is now aware of it. 

I think he did have every intention to talk to her. Maybe he wasn’t going to be as open as we hope. He seemed like he wanted to at least try to clear something up. But his tune completely changed after she brought up Dieter, after she made him realize that Dieter saw it all, that he knew what Nol knows. Ngl I find this simultaneously funny and frustrating because it DOES put them in such a precarious position and Shinae is just SO unaware of it yet!!!! 

Nol knows that when it’s just them, things cease to matter. It’s the way he phrases things - like how he talks about when they thought everyone was asleep, because it was that cloak of secrecy that allowed him to be so bold. It was the belief that the whole world was asleep and they were alone in their bubble, no thoughts, nothing else, acting on their whims. He knows he made a move on her, and he knows it was intentional, and it would never have happened if Dieter and Soushi were awake. But that’s the thing about when Nol is alone with Shinae - he seems to forget everything else. She disarms him and he acts on his whims. 

The range of his expression is so good here - going from guarded and cautious to the moment he’s putting the dots together and he closes his eyes and screws up his face. Nol isn’t an asshole - he knows what Dieter must be feeling, what it must be like to have witnessed that, to listen in on that. Shinae may not have processed how loaded it was, but Nol can see it easily from Dieter’s perspective. 

And here’s the thing about Dieter, too. He’s not a fool, he knows what he’s up against. I don’t mean it in that he’s competing with Nol, really, but we know he compares his relationship with Shinae to other peoples’ relationships with her. We’ve seen him voice his insecurity to Minhyuk - that he doesn’t have with her what Nol does. When he told Shinae she loves Nol, he obviously meant it as a friend, the way he does - but I still think he was voicing a fear that he already had in his heart. Like Nol, though, Dieter isn’t good at resisting Shinae, and he lets his hope build up when he knows better. Dieter knew he was playing with fire. 

That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though - to basically have it confirmed almost behind your back. Dieter can see it for what it was - not just the way Nol was acting, the way he looked at her, the way he literally put the moves on her lol but it was the way she received it, the way she flusters under his gaze. It was how she stayed at his side the whole time, how her concern for him outshines her need for sleep or food. 

Nol’s guilt is SO strong, it permeates this episode, but I think it’s also very much twisted with his fear. It’s easier to use the guilt, to frame around that, because in his mind he fucks things up all the time, he makes things worse, his existence creates more problems. I love that Shinae calls him out on the fact that it’s not his fault that his plan to get her and Dieter together didn’t work because it’s true. While he’s not wrong to some degree - pushing Dieter and Shinae to be friends does kind of prolong the pain, at the end of the day, they all make their choices. Dieter chose to collect those moments with Shinae knowing they were supposed to be strictly platonic, everything as friends. Shinae still chose to confide in him, to open up, to let him in. Just because Nol pushed the friendship it doesn’t mean they had no agency in the matter. 

But obviously the real issue is not that he pushed them, that it draws out the pain for Dieter. It’s that he did all of that and in the end, he was the one who hurt him the most. It wasn’t that Shinae didn’t reciprocate - it was that Nol has feelings, too. 

Now, I want to make a point here that I’m sure we’re all on the same page about. No one is really “at fault” here. It’s not like anyone has done anything wrong. Sure we can argue that Shinae has gotten Dieter’s hopes up unintentionally. Sure we can argue that liking someone your friend likes is bad. But human feelings are messy and don’t exist in a vacuum of good vs bad. The whole thing about dibs is so gross in general - it denies someone agency and instead rests on those who like them. Is Nol a bad friend for falling for someone his friend also likes? Is Shinae a bad person for falling for the friend of the guy who likes her? Obviously there are things that need to be cleared up - she needs to sort out her feelings for them, but the point remains. No one is at fault. 

But that doesn’t mean Nol won’t feel guilty, won’t feel like an asshole for finding a new way to hurt the people he cares about. 

I know this sounds crazy but I kind of lmao like the way he told Shinae she needs to go, that “You can’t be here alone with me any longer.” 

Nol has acknowledged his role in this. He acknowledges the way he deliberately hurt Dieter, even though it wasn’t his intention. And what’s more is what he’s not saying - the subtext. That she can’t be alone with him because they will continue to say and do things that will hurt Dieter, that will create more pain. Nol knows how easily Shinae can disarm him if he’s not vigilante. All it takes is her bringing him ease again, him falling back into that comfort, forgetting the rest of the world, acting on it again. 

There’s something that feels so urgent about it? Intense? That she NEEDS to go because he doesn’t have the willpower any more. That he’s trying REALLY HARD to be a good person, a good friend, but it’s so difficult. He says it every which way besides with words, and if you read between the lines he’s practically screaming it out loud. 

I actually think he’s handling it pretty well, even if it doesn’t clear things up for Shinae in the moment. He’s acting on Dieter’s behalf - but also on his own. And hers. Shinae needs to come to the conclusion he has and it’s not for him to tell her. Part of why it’s so easy for Shinae to let herself feel that way with Dieter is because she knows he likes her. He’s safe and comfortable. Had he never confessed would she think anything of the way he looks at her? Would she think anything of the comfort he brings her? But because she knows, it has affected her view. I don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, because we all respond to people based on how they feel about us, I think. But if Nol were to speak those words out loud, if he were to tell her “it’s because I like you!” how would it make her feel? Would it influence what she thinks about him? Surely it would! 

Nol is trying to get Shinae to come to the same realization he has, and more so, he’s trying to get her to be clear about her feelings. Do you like me or not? Do you act this way with everyone? He sees the way she gets flustered, he knows the effect he’s got on her. He’s probably sure she reciprocates those feelings and hasn’t figured it out yet - but there’s still a shadow of a doubt. There’s still the fact that maybe he’s reading into it, maybe he’s seeing something that isn’t there. Maybe she’s someone who cares about him and he’s misread it because he’s so desperate to matter to someone, anyone. 

Look we all know better, but we also know how doubts persist! 

There’s so much ANGST but it’s SO good! It’s not angst for the sake of angst, it’s not drawing something out just to make the story last. Nol’s expressions cause me PAIN, Shinae’s make me ACHE. He feels like a guilty asshole, he wants her to go, but he can’t even look at her and say it - he looks away, his mouth set in that way holding back all the things he believes he should not say. Honestly they are so good at hurting each other ;______; it hurts ME, too! 

But also, I get it. I’m with Nol here. How can he bear to look at her when he’s pushing her away again? How can he bear to look at her when it’s all his fault (according to him). He can’t even look at her when he tells her Dieter was awake the whole time. It’s such a loaded statement but unfortunately it doesn’t QUITE land because Shinae can’t quite grasp the significance. 

Actually this whole part is both so funny and so unbearable to me lmao because Nol is all but saying that Dieter oversaw them having a very non-platonic moment and she’s like i don’t get it why’s that a big deal LMAOOOOOO ;____; Nol is going THROUGH it okay! She keeps insisting that it meant nothing, that it’s just friends, what’s wrong with that. And Nol can’t come out and say the truth - that it looked romantic that it felt romantic, that he meant all of it and that’s why it’s so wrong. The whole time he’s trying to get her to understand WHY that hurts Dieter and she’s just hurting him at the same time LMAO OUCH 

I LOVE those panels where we can’t see their faces - where it’s Nol’s frustration and anguish that she doesn’t get it, that he’s trying, that he feels awful because of course those feelings are still there why wouldn’t they be. His frustration, the faint lines on Shinae’s face. 

Maybe it’s there at the back of her mind - something faint, something distant. Maybe for a moment she understands what Nol isn’t saying, the implications of what Dieter oversaw, overheard. But if it, she doesn’t acknowledge it at all. 

Nol’s hand over his face in frustration, that panel where we close in on his eye and Shinae says “You’re not intentionally trying to hurt him!” But... he is. Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt Dieter - but he IS intentionally doing things that hurt him. And he still wants to! That’s the thing, that’s why he needs her to go. It’s so easy to fall into that, to act on that, to forget Dieter exists and instead indulge a little. It may not be his intention to hurt Dieter, but it’s his intention to do things that WOULD hurt him, and she doesn’t get it. 

But GOD lmao the way she just starts to rub salt in the wound!!!!! “Whatever he thinks is just a misunderstanding. There’s NOTHING going on here!” 

In ILY universe, nothing is always Nol. There is Nol going on here. 

And look, I feel for him here, a LOT. This must be SO hard!!!! Not just the pushing her away, not just knowing he hurt Dieter, but having this whole conversation, her not getting it, her taking a moment that clearly meant SO MUCH to him and saying it meant nothing. Again, there’s so much that is LOADED when she says “We’re all friends here!” and he says that resolute “No”, his eyes hidden from us, his hands firm on the wheelchair. 

Shinae misconstrues it as no, we aren’t all friends, but what Nol means is that no it’s not just friends. It’s two different people who like her a lot. It’s knowing he acted on something that hurt his friend. That moment wasn’t platonic, wasn’t just friendship - not for him. Clearly she’s unready to see it, but he knows it. No. We’re not friends here - we are people who like you so very much. 

GOD, THE ANGST, THE ANGUISH. I AM SWINGING FROM THE RAFTERS I’M HOOTING. 

I LOVE the moment he says he can’t take this - he can’t keep having this conversation, can’t take being shut down like this, can’t handle her downplaying a significant moment. If she wants to tell herself it was nothing but to keep reiterating it to him? Unbearable! But also I LOVE that Shinae stands her group and puts her foot down, I love her calling him out because like I get it! I understand both of them. She’s had no time to process any of this, all she knows is she wants him to stop pushing her away, she wants him to stop boxing her out, she wants him to be OPEN. 

In a way, they are fighting for the same thing, but they keep obstructing each other. They want the same thing but they’re speaking in different languages. He WANTS her to see it - that it wasn’t a platonic moment, that he meant it that it matters that their fingerprints are all over it. He wants her to see what Dieter saw. She wants him to show himself, to open up, to stop hiding, to be vulnerable. They are trying SO HARD to get the same thing, but they just keep butting heads and getting in each others’ way. 

AND WHEN SHE TELLS NOL THAT SHE’S NOT NOT INTERESTED IN DATING DIETER? OH MY /GOD/ lmao alkjfkjafkjafkjafkjja alfjakfjj SHRIEKS 

Not ONLY has she basically downplayed this whole romantic moment, downplayed whatever is transpiring between them but she goes on to say SHE’S NOT NOT INTERESTED IN DIETER?! LMAOOOOOOOOO Again I reiterate no one is at fault here!!!!!! But lmaooooo the OUCHIES of this whole conversation! Isn’t it bad enough that she says it was nothing it doesn’t mean anything, and then she goes on to be like I mean i don’t totally NOT not like him idk..... LMAO 

He’s clearly frustrated both in trying to get her to understand what he isn’t voicing, but also because he seems like such a resolute person? Or at least, he tries to be. I assume it’s kind of like... he realized he likes her and that’s it. It’s not that he thinks he might like her, it’s not that he might have some feelings. He knows he’s all in, all feelings, all eyes on her. And she appears so wishy washy - flirting with him but doesn’t acknowledge it, unintentionally stringing Dieter along and igniting that hope. 

And the thing is she isn’t doing any of this maliciously. She’s tried to be clear with Dieter! It’s not her fault that he keeps getting his hopes up. She’s had no time to process her feelings for Nol, has had no experiences to compare any of this to. I love this conversation between them because it illuminates how little Shinae knows about feelings, about love, about romance. She hasn’t let anyone in in a long time, has guarded herself so tightly, and now that she has, how is she to understand the ways they affect her, what their significance means? 

It’s easy to see why she keeps trying to box her feelings about Nol into a box they don’t fit. Of course she cares, of course she worries, that’s what friends do. It’s not that she cares, though - it’s why. Does she care as a friend or does she care as something else? That’s what he’s trying to get her to answer - and I think he got close. But she needs to distance herself from the night, too. She needs to dwell on those feelings - and not just the intensity of trying to hang on to him, but the other feelings, too. The butterflies, the fluttering, the fluster, the way she can’t meet his gaze, the way she starts to fluster if he looks at her for too long. 

Someone said that Shinae is practically confessing to Nol and doesn’t even realize it and my god they’re right lmao. The way Shinae argues back that she knows Nol didn’t like it when she left after they danced, that she knows he was bummed, can you really throw all that away what we’ve been through, how effortless we are? lmao SHE REALLY JUST. Goes on saying it!!! AND SHE DOESN’T RECOGNIZE IT FOR WHAT IT WAS. 

(I mean she did a whole damn love soliloquy in front of Minhyuk for Nol so like. It’s been an all night thing lmao) 

Also it hurt when Nol admits that Dieter doesn’t have that with Shinae - not even as her friend. Even if she does not not want to date him, even if a part of her DOES like him - does it compare to what she feels about Nol? Does it compare to what he means to her? He can’t look her in the eye, and even as she tries to play it off, to say hey all friendships are different does it really matter SHE can’t meet his eye. 

Consciously Shinae may not be aware of it but on some level she must know. On some subconscious level, that ghost of a thought passes by, a faint wave of shame. She doesn’t share with Dieter what she shares with Nol. It’s true that there’s something there, but it’s something she’s avoiding, something she consciously cannot face yet. 

BUT LISTEN, MY GOD. NOL ASKING HER WHY SHE CARES /SCREAMS JUST SCREAMS ALJKFKJAFJKAFLJ AFJALJJAF AFJAKFJFA

He’s pushing!!!!!!!!!!!

I love that Nol is a ball of contradiction. He wants Shinae to acknowledge what he isn’t saying out loud, he wants her to realize that it means something to him, that there are feelings, that it’s not platonic, and he wants her to acknowledge so she understands why he’s pushing her away. But I think he also wants her to admit it herself. Confirm what he suspects. She fights SO hard but she can’t say why. She cares so much but she can’t elaborate. 

Convince me. 

LKJFKJAF LAJFKAJFA F /SCALES THE WALLS PARKOURS ACROSS ALL THE ROOFS IN THE NEIGHBORBOOD. 

He knows. HE KNOWS. Convince him he’s wrong. Convince him it’s not what he thinks. Convince her that her extent of care of need her desperate desire to keep hold of him to make him show himself to her to be vulnerable with him is platonic. Convince him. 

AND SHE CAN’T!!!!!!!!! 

Again, she averts her gaze! Again, she flusters and blushes. Again he disarms her just by looking at her and he takes advantage of the moment to finally kick her out. 

GOD WHAT AN EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA BARK BARK BARK WOOOOF RLKJJKJ RRRRGGHHR RRRRHGHGHG LDKJC YIP YIP YIP 

IT’S SO GOOD. THE SUBTEXT, THE EXPRESSIONS, THE DANCE AROUND THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, THE ANGST, THE EMOTIONS. 

And no matter which standpoint you look at it from it’s just GOOD. 

Nol feels guilty, like an asshole, he has hurt his friend. But more than that - it’s how he knows he can’t be alone with her, how he knows he can’t stop himself any more from acting on what he wants. He needs to PHYSICALLY remove her because that’s how little resistance he has, because that’s how much she gets to him, how much she affects him. It’s the way it hurts to have this conversation - where if he says the words out loud it makes them real and it becomes a weight she has to carry. If he can make her reach the conclusion on her own, maybe it won’t be so bad. He won’t have to deal with the pain if she doesn’t reciprocate - if she comes to the right conclusion and keeps her distance. If he says them out loud and she has to turn him down? He can’t handle that he can’t bear it. But at the same time, every time she denies that their shared moment meant nothing, that the way he looked at her, the way he treated her (HOW HE TOUCHED HER?????) was just platonic to him???? HOW CAN HE BEAR TO ENDURE THAT CONVERSATION?! 

And it’s not that it means nothing - she just needs the space and time to process it, to really play out what happened. I think, too, on some level she IS subconsciously repressing it. Isn’t it scary? Especially because Nol is a person who comes and goes, who pushes her away and then shares these intense moments and then shoves her away again. What good is it to acknowledge what he means when she can barely keep a hold on him as a friend, when she can barely make him understand his significance. Nol and Dieter both are such good friends to her, people she can rely on, people who make her feel safe. Sure Nol may not make her feel secure all the time lmao but when it’s just them, when they’re lost in that little world, for the moment, he does. It’s scary, to think of losing any of that. All the relationships she’s ever been privy to have fallen apart. There’s no photos, no memories of her family as a whole unit. She’s seen what Rand and Yui look like. She’s got no experience of her own, and now that she has friends she loves so much, she’s too afraid to lose them. 

How can she begin to dissect what Nol means to her when it makes him feel more fleeting? How can she begin to understand what exists between them is romantic when she’s never really witnessed a healthy successful romance exist?

The thing that makes friends to lovers SUCH a good trope, and why I love it SO MUCH is the stakes, the risk vs the payout. What if you take that step and it all goes wrong? What if you mess it up and you lose someone who is SO important to you, someone who means so much? What if all goes wrong and you can’t put it back together and you make something beautiful all wrong by getting your fingerprints on it and chipping the corners? You start to fear even the possibility because sure it could go well - but if it goes bad you lose it ALL. Everything. 

But what is life if you don’t take some risks? Can you live with that regret, if you never take a chance, if you miss out on something you wanted? 

That’s the thing about Dieter, isn’t it? He knows the risks. He knows he’s playing with fire, knows he doesn’t quite have with Shinae what Nol does. But he still tries. He still lets his unwavering hope go, even if it hurts him. He can’t ever say he has any regrets because he’s given it his all. Sure, it hurt a LOT and it’s going to, until he gets over her and can find a way to move on, but at least he tried. At least he made the effort and can say that he did his best. 

It’s funny that Nol and Shinae stand in that place. She’s doing her best, she’s making an effort so she can’t regret not trying - but she just can’t see the full picture, can’t acknowledge WHY she’s fighting WHY she’s pushing. But Nol is the other part of it, the understanding, but also fear. It’s not just Dieter that stops him. If she continues to deny that it means anything, if she continues to say it was nothing.... that hurts. It’s bad enough to have feelings - but for the person you like to deny them? GOD. ;A; 

At this point there’s a lot of conversations that need to be had, and i think I’m looking forward to (hopefully?!) seeing Nol and Dieter talk it out. I think as much as Dieter is hurt, I can’t see him as the kind of person who would stand in the way of his friends happiness. If they make each other happy, who is he to tell Nol to back off or something? Shinae is a person with agency who can make her own choices and if she comes to a realization that she reciprocates Nol’s feelings well.... he can’t really stop her just because she doesn’t like him. He’s not an incel alkfkjafjaf lmao I don’t think it’s the kind of thing that would make him hate either of them. 

I’ve said it before but Dieter loves Nol, too, so he can understand why Shinae would fall for him. And likewise, as a person who likes Shinae, I’m sure he can understand how Nol would unintentionally fall. There’s a lot that’s happened between Nol and Shinae that Dieter doesn’t know about - the things that draw them together, that make them reach out to one and other. I think he can probably get that sense - there’s just SOMETHING ELSE there that isn’t with him and Shinae. 

I like to think Dieter might encourage Nol, or at the very least perhaps tell him to stop pushing people away. That one of these days he’ll push and she won’t come back and can he really live with that? While Dieter doesn’t know as much as Shinae, he at least seems to have the sense that there’s a profound depth to Nol, that there’s a lot of pain (as evidenced between him and Kousuke) and that his life hasn’t been as easy as Yeonggi made it look, so maybe he, too, will what it means for Nol to open up, to really truly fall for someone who feels the same as him. Who is he to deny their happiness, just because it makes him hurt? 

On the other hand, a part of me dreads Dieter and Shinae talking because WHEW BOY we know it’s going to hurt either way it goes. Will she deny her feelings about Nol, try to continue to write them off as friendship because it scares her, because she’s so afraid of losing him that she’s willing to swallow them down, because she doesn’t want it to get in the way? Even if she did, Dieter would see through it. I think now that he’s seen it, really seen it at play, he knows he can’t keep pretending. That’s why he’s distanced himself. If she were to try to play the card that it meant nothing wouldn’t he get more upset that she’s lying? God it just feels like a painful conversation ;___; And if she’s honest with him, if she sets him straight that she should have been clearer, that she hurt him, it just makes it hurt more AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH 

JUST AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

All that said, I love how good of a subversion of “why does my kokoro go dokidoki”. It’s not that Shinae is naïve - it’s that she’s inexperienced and scared. It’s that she hasn’t had the time to process, it’s that she has this mix of feelings that she’s had no time to sort them out and untangle them. For so long she held people at arm’s length and now her heart is too full! And because it’s subverting that trope, I don’t think we’ll see it drawn out for a terribly long time, and she’ll put on her big girl pants and try to make it right. Right now she’s afraid to rock the boat. She’s been hurt so many times by people, she doesn’t want to be the one who hurts others, she doesn’t want to be the one who inflicts pain. But I think when she realizes the truth, she’ll realize that trying to ignore it causes more pain, drawn out. That’s what Nol is getting at. That as long as she doesn’t definitively have feelings, it only hurts. It drags out Dieter’s pain every time he thinks there’s a chance. It drags out Nol’s pain, that she can’t sort out the feelings. 

I love so much that Shinae cares about peoples’ feelings - especially because in the beginning she so badly wanted to believe she doesn’t care if people think she’s a bitch. She’s so empathetic and caring! But at some point we have to realize that avoiding a problem only makes it worse. It’s so much better to be up front and get it out of the way. Dieter won’t be able to heal until the wound stops getting ripped open. He WILL be okay, he WILL get over. But it won’t happen until she makes things clear. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS SO MANY FEELINGS I HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED ABOUT NOL’S RESOLVE BUT I’M SAVING THAT FOR A SEPARATE POST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS 

[lavendertales]

Ride—Biker!Javier AU**

An Unholy universe one-shot, post-Colombia

summary: Javier invites you to spend time with him and his family at the ranch back in Texas. Only for you to discover there is more to Javier than meets the eye.

word count: 4.1k

WARNINGS: horniness all around lmao (but also softness bc they’re in love your honor); blowjob, fingering, choking, piv (safe). 18+ ONLY!!!

gif: @user-din​ 

series masterlist | AO3 

Surviving Medellin and Bogota had been truly a blessing. But surviving Cali? Downright miraculous.

You and Javier had been living life on edge since the moment you stepped into Colombia, so it was nothing you hadn’t faced before. But Cali had been brutal. There were several close calls for you both, as well as the team, but on the bright side, you both celebrated the unlikely victory to the best of your abilities and possibilities.

But you’ve made a promise to yourself that if you managed to escape that hellhole and make a difference in the Colombians’ lives, you too would live more in the moment and enjoy every little detail that made up your life.

So when Javier told you that he planned to return to his family’s ranch in Texas, you didn’t really expect to be asked to go with him.

“Go with you as in… for a visit, right?” you felt the need to clarify the night he told you.

Javier frowned, slightly bemused at your hesitance.

“Why do you sound surprised?” he asked in return.

“That you want your college enemy to visit you in your hometown, the intimate space you grew up in? I don’t know. Maybe a little curious.”

“You’re not the first girl I brought home, don’t get all flustered and presumptuous.”

Your mouth almost ached with the question you wanted to pose next, even as playful and innocent as it might’ve been, but you did not want to raise his fight or flight risk.

“Wasn’t going to,” you replied instead.

“But if all goes well, you might be the last.”

You turned to him, truly shook to hear him complete the sentence, as if he was capable of reading your mind without you even hinting at what you were thinking.

“Sounded a bit Texas Chainsaw Massacre-y,” you tried to laugh.

Javier huffed, pulling you close to him and smiling down on you. “It’s not what I meant,” he cooed.

“So all I have to do is earn your family’s approval and then I’ll be set to remain Javier Peña’s—“

You fell deep in thought, mind racing all over the place, trying to figure out a way to finish that sentence without, again, scaring him or taking things too far.

“You can be whatever you want,” he told you, pecking your nose, “as long as you’re mine.”

“Well then. I guess we’re going back to Texas.”

And with that, you got everything you needed for the trip. Truth be told, you weren’t sure how long you’d stay. Javier said you were definitely welcome to be there indefinitely, but you felt like it would be some sort of imposition on his father’s privacy. It’s been two decades since you’ve last seen Chucho Peña, and you were, admittedly, anxious. Not because you were in any way, shape or form afraid of the man, but because you didn’t know how he would react once you’d show up there on Javier’s arm—as his girlfriend, no less. Last time he’d seen you, you were young Javi’s worst academic nightmare, so there was bound to be some anxiety regarding the visit.

But Javier reassured you time and time again and once you actually arrived at the ranch and gotten to salute those around, you realized you were perhaps fearful for nothing.

The ranch was beautiful; a massive construction, sprayed out on dozens of square meters, evidently taken care of, and horses, pigs and chickens in the wide backyard. Javier’s family was pretty numerous, which was a little intimidating for someone coming from a small circle of relatives. Within the span of one day, you got to meet two aunts, two uncles, several cousins—both distant and close—one great-grandmother and, of course, Javier’s father.

You were introduced as the girlfriend—nothing more, nothing less. Although that level of bluntness surprised you, even coming from Javier, you embraced it and smiled politely as you shook Chucho’s hand. Javier remained encased around you, seemly proud to have you by his side.

“Now it makes sense, why the two of you couldn’t stop complaining about each other back in college,” he laughed.

“It took us a long time to realize this,” you shared the laughter.

“I could’ve told you that years ago had you asked me. Matter of fact, I started telling this one that spending so much time talking about someone, in the way he did, that was no silly competition.”

Javier rolled his eyes, remaining quiet as he watched you and Chucho interact and feeling, quite possibly for the very first time since he was a kid, happy.

The next few days have been busy, but certainly a blast; you offered to help around the ranch, preparing lunches and dinners for the whole family. It seemed peculiar to feel so welcomed, so at home around Javier’s family, like you had finally found your place where you were supposed to be, but it was such a pleasant sensation, you wanted it to go on for as long as possible.

What was the most surprising, though, was how easily you bonded with Chucho. You found yourself entertaining various conversations with him over the smallest of tasks, chuckling at his stories about young Javier.

“He was a pretty quiet kid,” Chucho tells you in the kitchen while you’ve taken on the task of making sandwiches for everybody.

“He still is,” you smile. “Not the biggest fan of spoken words. He is really good with written ones, though.”

Your smile gets wider reminiscing of the heartfelt letter Javier had left on your nightstand years ago. The one that rests folded in your wallet, with you everywhere you go.

“When he got together with Lorraine, who was so talkative and open, I thought well, that’s bound to be a good match. But sure enough, with time, the illusion faded. Seems there was no real love there.”

You purse your lips together, focused on the sandwiches instead. You’ve heard the story of Javier and Lorraine before, you were more than familiar with it, but each time you were reminded of it, it still made you sad for the both of them.

“I do think they cared for each other in a way,” you retort. “It was probably just something comfortable.”

“It was. But even that began to feel unbearable. He’s different with you though.”

“How so?”

“He’s… calmer. More open.”

You’ve never actually given it a thought as to how you and Javier changed since you’ve gotten together. There were differences, to be sure, but so subtle to you, people who were used to living a high-paced life, in constant terror, that you might’ve missed them.

“Pops, we’ve been through this, please stop telling people stories of me when I was a kid,” a voice draws both your attention.

You take notice of Javier entering the kitchen, dirt and grease all over his clothes. He’s got what appears to be a fairly older shirt on him, sleeves rolled up, and a pair of tight jeans that you just fancy so much.

“Why, are you afraid I’ll get more dirt on you?” you ask cheekily.

“Who could you possibly tell in this town?”

You shrug. “I could just call Steve and Connie and exchange fun stories.”

Chucho hands him a towel, shaking his head in amusement; as Javier rubs his hands on it, Javier leans over to press a kiss to your cheek. You never saw him be a fan of PDA, nor would you have imagined him to be one. Truthfully, neither were you. But this? You could certainly live with little, sweet gestures like this.

“You’re filthy,” you remark with a certain playfulness in your voice.

Javier reaches for a tall glass of water and winks at you, the reference not passing by him.

“What have you been doing?”

“Cleaned out the garage. And worked a bit on the bike,” Javier clears.

“Oh yeah, forgot to tell you about the old gal,” Chucho chuckles. “Sorry, mijo.”

“It’s alright. I got her cleaned up a bit and I’m gonna rebuild the engine soon.”

“Bike as in… motorbike? Motorcycle?” you ask.

Javier sees the surprised look on your face, the way your brows are upped and that petite line on your forehead that only appears whenever you crinkle it, and he finds it oddly amusing.

“Yes,” he answers. “Had her for years.”

“Her?”

“Yes, her.”

“Should I be concerned? I mean, sounds like you two have a pretty close relationship. I don’t wanna be stepping on anybody’s toes here. Or pedals.”

Chucho puts some of the finished sandwiches on a big plate, leaning towards you. “I’d only be worried if he rides that thing without a helmet.”

You turn back towards Javier. “You’d better not.”

“I won’t.”

“Good boy.”

Javier shakes his head, trying to do everything in his power to not chuckle and smirk at you with all of his family around. But he starts to feel the tingle of being around you, the heat of the day and of his activities finally starting to wear him down, and the water couldn’t quench his thirst.

So he gives you one more telling look, and leans over the kitchen aisle to be closer to you as he says, “Do you want to come to the garage and check her out?”

Luckily you’re down to the last two sandwiches to make, so you rush through that process and place the rest of the batch on another big plate, serving them in the living room for those hungry and you take Javier’s hand as he guides you to the garage.

“I wouldn’t have thought you’re the kind of guy who likes motorcycles,” you tell him somewhat amused.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, I guess I just never pictured that kind of side to you.”

“Let’s see if you get a clearer picture.”

Javier opens the door to the garage, unveiling several boxes to the side and something under a tarp.

“I’m guessing this is her,” you say, circling the now unveiled motorcycle.

“Yep. Rhonda.”

“Rhonda?”

This is half amusing, half arousing to you and it’s a fascinating combination.

“Yes, Rhonda,” Javier chuckles as well. “You know, cause—a Honda, Rhonda?”

“Yeah, I got that. Love how you brain makes analogies.”

“Hmm, really?”

He inches closer, licking his lips as he’s staring you down.

“Kinda like I associate the word ‘filthy’ with you?” he asks.

“Kind of.”

“Tell you what, how about after lunch, you and I go for a ride and later we can have some dessert?”

Your lips break into a flattered, insatiable smile as you nod at him, all too eager for someone who is usually so calm and collected.

“Sounds perfect.”

It was dead silent after you chugged that glass of water in the kitchen. You even kept the lights off so as to not wake the kids. You had to move swiftly and cautiously, just like you did back when you and Javier were nothing more but fuck buddies, claiming those sweaty encounters meant nothing.

But especially because Javier’s bedroom neighbored Chucho’s. And the last thing either of you needed was his father hearing you two going at it. Though it might come with difficulty, knowing you couldn’t really keep sounds to yourself when it came to Javier’s pleasuring skills.

“Thought I heard someone in here.”

You widen your eyes in slight panic as Chucho appears in the frame. You flash a flustered smile as you try to act inconspicuous.

“I was a bit thirsty,” you apologize. “I hope I didn’t wake you, I know it’s pretty late.”

“Nothin’ to worry about, mija. I was about to go to sleep. But I got to thinking, the holidays are right around the corner. We’d love to have you around for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

Your eyes widen again, this time in utter surprise. You hadn’t expected such an invitation, and certainly not in that moment.

“Oh! Thank you so much for thinking of me.”

“You can bring up your folks if you’d like to. There’s plenty of us to go around, what’s a few more?”

You exchange laughter with him, feeling a little embarrassed. “Actually, it’s just me. I never had a big family, and… it’s just me now.”

“Well, what happened to your folks?”

You hesitate, realizing that Javier probably didn’t share the tale of your mother, much less your father, but on the one hand you are more than thankful for that.

Chucho glares at you, noticing your facial expression and realizing he might’ve overstepped. He then grabs both your shoulders, smiling at you as he pulls you in for a hug. “We’re here for you if you want. You’re not alone.”

Head resting on his shoulder, you tear up, rummaging the kind words that have just been said to you. The thought of entering a big family, feeling welcomed and cared for and appreciated, it’s making you more emotional than you would’ve anticipated.

“Thank you,” you whisper, pulling yourself together.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For bringing back my son to me.”

You blush, tapping his shoulder playfully. “Stop it or else I’m gonna cry.”

“My apologies, mija. Goodnight.”

You watch Chucho leave the kitchen, the warm and tingly feeling expanding to your extremities. The afternoon’s events are still freshly imprinted on your mind and you’d much rather focus on that than remaining emotional.

Seeing Javier work on his motorcycle, then riding it expertly and flawlessly certainly woke your appetite in ways you considered inconceivable till then. It was true that you hadn’t pegged him as the type of guy who’d drive across states on a bike, all leathered up, stopping for a burger and conversation with other riders, and then hitting the road again, but it sure was a pleasant surprise.

You enter Javier’s bedroom silently, much like a cat ready to pounce on its prey, closing the door gently behind you. Javier is looking out through the window, the moonlight being the only light present.

“Hey,” you whisper sweetly.

He turns, and you notice a bright smile on his face as he approaches you. “Thought you’d never come back to me.”

“Didn’t I always?”

He wraps his arms around you, caressing your back. “You do,” he admits. “It never fails to surprise me.”

“Why?”

“Cause you stayed. In spite of… everything.”

Something about that statement makes your heart ache. You know Javier’s often felt more lonesome than he liked to show, and that you can understand all too well. However, you appreciate the fact that he’s opening up to you more and more.

“Well, I didn’t really have a choice. You know too much about me, you’ve seen me naked… ate food off of me naked… I have to keep you around,” you joke.

And luckily it works; Javier chuckles, playing with the hem of your shirt.

“If you brought some whipped cream from the kitchen, we could do that again,” he teases you.

“I didn’t, unfortunately. But I ran into your dad.”

Javier frowns, pressing pause on caressing your skin beneath the shirt. “Okay…?”

“He invited me here for the holidays.”

“Oh. That’s great. You really hit it off with the family.”

You smile widely. “I’m a delight, of course I did.”

“My great-grandma already asked me, not-so-subtly, when we’re getting married.”

You chuckle, holding him still close to your body.

“And when we’re having kids,” he continues. “Not if. When. You know, no pressure or anything.”

“She’s a sweet lady, give her a break.”

“I forgot how crazy it gets with all of them around. I feel like I need a break from them too.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Hmm, I think someone mentioned something about dessert?”

You smile at one another, eager hands roaming on clothed skin.

“I think you might be right,” you coo.

“But we should be quiet.”

“I can’t make any promises.”

“You have to be quiet.”

“Oh, there’s that biker attitude I heard so much about.”

When his lips press on yours, you melt instantly. It’s then that you realize, with all the family meetings and preparations around, the two of you haven’t had some alone time in weeks. Your hands drop to his zipper, swiftly working against it to remove the jeans standing in his pleasure’s way. As you broke the kiss to ensure more visibility for your wicked mission, Javier smiles at you, already out of breath, and presses his index against his lips to signal you to remain quiet.

“I’m more worried about you being quiet right now,” you slyly tell him.

You guided him towards the bed as Javier laid on it, his legs dangling off the bed. You peppered a trail of wet, hot kisses from his mouth to his cheeks, jaw and neck. Javier was quick to remove his shirt as you teased his happy trail as you palmed him through his underwear, earning a few low grunts from him. When you look up, you notice his gorgeously fucked out face, and you barely touched him yet. But you reckon it’s been a while for you both, so perhaps he was a little more sensitive than usual.

You decide you shouldn’t waste any more time, so you free his erection from the cotton fabric and immediately take him in your mouth, lathering the tip with your tongue. Javier exhales, hardly in control, but forcing himself to remain steady. One loud sound and you’re both done for.

He lets out a throated moan, too coarse for the sound to be properly dispersed throughout the room; one of his hands grip the sheets, the other grips your hair, fisting it in order to not let out any louder noises.

There’s nothing gently about the way you’re sucking him off, and he wouldn’t wanna have it any other way. If all this is because you saw him fix a motorcycle and then go for a ride with him, then he definitely ought to be doing that more.

You feel yourself getting wetter with each additional flick of your tongue against his throbbing cock, and each bop of your head another reminder that your whole body is aching for him, badly. But you do the work, happily, taking him in however much you can, stroking the base of his cock at the same time, enjoying the throaty noises Javier is releasing.

He doesn’t want to cum, not yet anyway; it feels like months since the two of you had any chance to bring pleasure to one another, so he wants to do this just right. Coming down your throat will have to be for another time.

So he fists your hair harder, nearly yanking it so that you release him from your mouth, and you stare at him bewildered. In one swift move, you wake up underneath Javier’s body as he’s kissing his way down your body, struggling to remove your pajamas.

The moment you are bare before him, Javier lays you on your back fully, legs spread for him. He feels an aching hunger to taste you, to make you fall apart in his mouth, and he too decides he doesn’t want to waste any time.

“Are you gonna be quiet?” he asks.

“You know I can’t really do that when you go down on me.”

“Fine. I won’t go down on you then.”

And suddenly he has his finger inside of you, curling daringly and boldly, testing the waters. When you arch your back, fighting back insatiable moans from the burns of your body, inside and out, Javier knows he has your approval, so he pushes in another digit. He’s pumping in and out faster and faster, all the while messily kissing your jaw and lips, taking great pride and joy in the sounds you make and the way they trigger that possessive side of him.

“You really liked my motorcycle this much, baby?” he teases.

“Mhm—“

“Do you really want me this much?”

“Yes, how many times do I have to tell you—“

Smiling in a deviled ecstasy, Javier presses one last kiss on your lips before pulling out, not giving you any chance to reach your climax. Disappointed, you watch in awe as Javier takes the two fingers to his mouth and sucks on them, releasing a grunted mhhmm that nearly has your head spinning.

“No, whyyy?” you whine.

“Cause we both need more than this.”

You can’t argue against that; your breaths get ragged watching him in the moonlight reaching inside the drawer and hastily place the condom on his erection. You spread your legs further, Javier’s mouth nearly watering as he’s jerking the base of his cock, readying himself.

He holds you by the hips as he pushes inside you. The way he slides with ease through your walls, your arousal coating his cock and sending shivers throughout his entire body, it can easily be described as heaven. Maybe it’s the happiness Javier feels knowing his whole family has fallen in love with you just as much as he had, or perhaps it’s the fact that you probably shouldn’t be doing this with the whole family roaming around—especially Chucho right in the next room—but every feeling is amplified; it’s the sweetest, most intoxicating and insatiable poison he has ever had the luxury of tasting.

“Javi—“

“Shhh, we can’t make any sound—“

You nod desperately, feeling Javier’s hips snapping inside you with fervor and speed, clearly chasing both your orgasms. It sure feels sweet and tender, but it carries no shortage of that fiery passion and roughness that brought you together in the first place.

You’re mewling and cooing, biting your lips till they bled so you keep sounds to yourself. Your hand reaches at the back of his neck to pull him down for a sloppy kiss, and in return, Javier’s hand curls around your neck and applies just the right amount of pressure, simultaneously picking up the pace.  

 “F-Fuck—fuck, I love you—“Javier whispers with a little grunt.

His thrust get sloppier, just as the previous kiss did, and faster as well, and you can tell he’s close, but so are you. It has been a while, you remind yourself.

“I love you too,” you whisper fleetingly.

“Mhm—look at me, please… please.”

He sounds utterly broken, in a complete need for you, and you couldn’t love that more. His hand still around your throat like a necklace, you reach to grab both his shoulders, holding onto them as he pushes himself inside you as fast as he can, and mere seconds later, you feel his muscles tighten under your touch, his body shaking as he stops, riding out his orgasm. You reach to play with your clit, still feeling him throbbing inside you, and Javier gathers whatever strength he has left to thrust again, helping you reach your orgasm.

And you do. When it washes you over, drowning you in pleasure and love and warmth, Javier’s hand is over your mouth to prevent you from screaming. He leans down with his whole body, so much so that he’s fully sheathed in you and his cock nearly hits your cervix, and kisses you tenderly, waiting for you to settle down.

Then you bite his lower lip, rubbing your nose against his.

“Better each time we practice, huh?” he smiles.

“We sure are,” you agree.

He’s barely moving inside you, just enough to let you feel him close, as intimately as possible.

“I’m pretty impressed you actually kept it quiet,” he tells you coyly.

You jokingly slap him away, and just then he pulls out, getting rid of the condom and bringing a wet towel for you.

“So. The holidays. What do you think?”

You raise your eyebrows at him, pleasantly surprised again.

“It’s not like I have other plans, so… I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

“After everything we’ve done and been through, we might actually have to stick together just to prevent some stuff from coming out.”

You chuckle, resting on his chest underneath the covers. It’s silent and peaceful, serene in its simple way of simply being, unlike the lives you’ve led for the past few years. It feels rewarding, too. Like you finally get to rest.

“I’ll be here,” you tell him reassuringly.

“Good. Cause my great-grandma likes to cook for the whole town, so we’ll need all the help we can get.”

You peck his cheek, cuddling up closer to him. “Do you think we can go on another ride tomorrow?”

“You wanna go out there with Rhonda again?”

“Well, if we’re gonna be in a threeway, best her than someone else.”

This time Javier chuckles, an earthy, healthy sound that tickles your ears. If anything, you’re just glad you can bring Javier some serenity after all that time.

previous 

[viperdove-if]

I would let Alistair do unholy things to me. What’s something the MC could do get his attention? Like something they could wear or do that would have him questioning risking it all?

Alastair would be happy to do unholy things to you lmao also defiance, but not towards MC's father (this applies more in deeper romance) but him. A person who isn't afraid of pushing back intrigues him, even though he knows it shouldn't.

Oh, and honesty. Maturity.

[jennaajoseph]

Hiii! 💛

I'm back on duty and I'm here to tickle the collective fandom brain.

With Presumed Innocent coming out soon (aaaah), I would just like to hear all your thoughts on Rusty. 

Is he guilty? If so, would we still do unholy things with him (duh, obviously)? Or is he just an innocent little guy and only guilty of cheating and murdering pussy? He obviously likes being choked and I'm not complaining. What else might he like? Is he a pancakes or bacon/scrambled egg breakfast kinda guy? He does need his protein tho, for several reasons... 👀

Please let me/us know all your thoughts and hopes for the new show and the character we're blessed with this summer, thank youuuu.

Paying my Rusty tax for inspiration ✨

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Hello again Daphne <33!! I swear you are always sending the most interesting questions !! ( I am NOT good at answering questions like this, sorry if it doesn't make any sense 😭 )

Presumed innocent is coming out this week and I'm so excited for it???? YALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW HYPED I AM!!!

Honestly I think he would be similar to Jerry Brinson from Wildlife (2018) just more ( way more ) freaky version of him, if you know what I mean lol ( also I hope that I'm not the only one that thinks this way 😭 [ go watch wildlife btw, it's a good movie... ] )

I saw some people speculating that his wife might actually be the guilty one, and to be honest? I love that idea ( but I also think it might be a bit obvious?? ) I watched a lot of movies with lots of different endings, and plot twists, and I don't really know what I can expect 😭 BUT as I said... Rusty is a total freak ( and a cheater ) so we can expect basically anything lmao. Despite all that, I think Rusty's wife is not innocent anyway, I think she's done something suspicious too... ( maybe she also cheated or sum??? Idk )

BUUUUT I'm sure with one thing, Jake Gyllenhaal fanfics will EXPLODE with content after this show ( and I'm not complaining about that... ) I really hope that I'll be able to write something for him too lol

Thank you so much for including me in this!!!

— ˚⊱✧⊰˚ 10.06.2024

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[mashamorevvna]

best of

the lovely @say-lene (thank you sooooo much <3) tagged me to list a few works that are what i consider my personal best and/or really define my aesthetic sensibilities and im tagging @anderstrevelyan and @orlesianapologist if they'd like to do the same!! (sorry for doubletagging in case that happens lmao)

i wish the hand of god would come and relieve me of this way (The Dark Urge/Ketheric Thorm)

Ketheric Thorm goes to receive his blessing from Myrkul, and witness his daughter Isobel live again. When that doesn't go strictly according to plan, the Dark Urge finds him.

honestly i just really love the triangulation of desire happening through father-daughter-god issues and whatever unholy combination of the three i can arrange. and if that is a crime, i certainly am guilty!

you've a gift for hating (you should know, you're the expert) (Minthara Baenre/Enver Gortash)

Gortash ‘invites’ Minthara to attend a late-night rendezvous to pry some information about the newly returned Dark Urge. Things move on from there in unexpected directions.

i love this fic so much, i genuinely enjoyed writing the complex set of Issues they have to negotiate around to even have a combative and frankly malevolent relationship with each other bc they are soooo similar and would bite each other (sexually, malignantly) if ever they were in a room together

the world is not enough (but it's a wonderful place to start) (Enver Gortash/Orin the Red; The Dark Urge/Enver Gortash; The Dark Urge/Orin the Red)

Orin wonders at the relationship between the Dark Urge and Enver Gortash. Only one man in all of Baldur's Gate can answer that question, so she goes to him dressed in her sibling's skin.

i just really love my weird psychosexual threesomes against the geneva convention. part of me has never really moved on from loving the interplay of three freaks with Issues. if you look at it from a weird enough angle it's also really tender. in a way. to me.

[jollyinha]

50 (+3) Facts About My Rook Listener (aka Félix)!

Because I love him in a hiperfocus kind of way 😭💙 If you want to see how he looks like, go to my yuurivoice tag, and you will find all my listeners! Although I probably should make an updated version, he has gotten a 2.0 version ever since... Also, tagging @itsargyle since they suggested taking other YV fans! I'm... Too shy to tag anyone else tho lmao

Anyway, here goes my big infodump on my favorite sunshine boy:

1 - Hey, I'm Félix Torres... Or not, because that's my middle name, and my actual name is Victor. But I'm not that fond of Victor, so I go by Félix!

2 - Victor was my mom's grandpa's name, and Félix is a tribute to my dad, whose name was Feliciano.

3 - Thanks to the acute accent, the correct pronunciation of Félix would be "feh-liks", not "fee-liks". Oh, and the "c" in Victor is mute. It's Vitor. But sometimes even I forget that it isn't supposed to be spelled like the gringos do, haha!

4 - My mom is Brazilian and my dad was Colombian. I was born in Brazil (Aracaju in Sergipe, to be more specific), but have been living in the USA for most of my life now. I used to spend the holidays in Colombia as a kid, but haven't been there ever since dad passed away... I really should pay it a visit again soon, though. It's a real nice country.

5 - I speak native Portuguese, fluent English and intermediary Spanish. I've been studying ASL (as of right now I just know basic stuff like "hi", "how are you?", how to introduce myself... But hey, at least I know the whole alphabet off the top of my head!) and French too, but it has been hard to find some free time... And when I do have it, I always end up drawing, crafting, cooking... Duolingo's owl wants to eat my ass.

6 - Speaking of which, these are my favorite hobbies! Drawing and painting are main passions in life, though. I've been in love with art as far as I can remember. I was in a few-years-long hiatus when it came to painting, only came back to it recently, but have been drawing non-stop ever since I was a little boy!

7 - When it comes to crafting, I enjoy many aspects of it... I've been really into papercraft these days. Origami, paper dolls, collages... But I also really like jewelry making and fabric painting (even if I find it so damn hard, haha!). I just love personalizing things in general. Sometimes, I see a piece of furniture, have an idea and just have to put my personal touch.

8 - I also know how to sew, but I can't say that I'm a big fan. I've tried crochet once, per example, and almost fell asleep on the couch. It's just a bit boring to me... But I'll gladly sew back a button or fix a hole if you ask nicely!

9 - And, last but not least, I love cooking! Not as much as I love to eat, but anyway. I picked up cooking as a way to deal with my pyrophobia and to bond with my uncle (he owns a restaurant!), and really took a liking to it... And modesty aside, I'm damn good at it!

10 - Speaking of which... I'm a bit of a bottomless pit when it comes to food! I'll eat (mostly) anything, am willing to try (mostly) everything and am hungry 24/7. Please, feed me.

11 - My favorite food is kind of specific, but: I love Thanksgiving pies. And breakfast foods. But anything that's chicken or has corn is also very damn good.

12 - I don't really like fruits. Most of them feel either bland (apples taste like NOTHING!) or straight up gross. I hate, HATE peach. Mango, guaba and pineapple too. Disgusting. I'm team vegetables all the way. Lemon and watermelon are the only ones that get a pass.

13 - My favorite ice cream favorite is chocomint!

14 - When it comes to drinks... I like coffee, as long as it has milk and unholy amounts of sugar (hate bitter coffee, as contradictory as it is). And while I'm not too big on alcoholic drinks, I like champagne.

15 - I also like biking, but, much like studying ASL and French, I don't have enough free time nowadays to really get into it again... But I try to bike every weekend I can!

16 - As a kid, I was in singing classes! I really enjoyed it and was pretty decent at it, but nowadays I do it just for fun. Love singing and listening to music around the house while doing other things.

17 - I have eight tattoos on total: Flower sleeves on both arms (featuring a clock among the flowers on the left arm and a bird on the right), music player symbols on the left side of my chest, "keep going" on the right side, an anchor on my upper back, a sun and a crescent moon on my lower back, a sea monster's tentacles going through my right hip and a paper plane on my left ankle!

18 - I also have a bunch of moles. On my face, on my back and on my chest. I used to be embarrassed by them, but nowadays, not nearly as much.

19 - I have been dyeing my hair blonde ever since college. I'm actually a brunette! I like being a blondie, but I'm considering going back to my roots... My hair is screaming for help. [He goes back to being a brunette and lets his hair grow after the events of Escape]

20 - Oh yeah, speaking of college... I have a Law degree. And am working on this field. Ya-hoo... Unfortunately, I needed a more lucrative career to support my family. But my long-term life goal is to be able to quit and live from art! And I like to believe I'm almost there.

21 - I pierced my ears in college too! I usually only wear my lucky sun earrings, but if I'm feeling fancy, I can go with a larger one.

22 - I considered becoming an English major for a while, but didn't happen either.

23 - I have a weird love for plaid jackets (of any color, but especially blue ones) and grungy bracelets. If you wanna give me anything that's wearable, going with either of these is the safest bet! Can't ever have enough of these!

24 - My favorite animals are octopuses (I had an obsession with sea monsters as a kid and this love never really died) and peacocks (they're just awesome)!

25 - My lucky number is sixteen, because my birthday is on February 16th, and because if you put "Félix Victor" together, there's a sixteen in Roman numerals right in the middle: XVI!

26 - Also, I'm 30 as of 2024, and... It's terrifying, to be honest. Buuut I'll find comfort on the fact that I look like I'm 20, hehe.

27 - This one will be hard to explain, but... I really like the sun. From summer to sunflowers to sun imageries... I like the sun. And all because of my dad. It's a long history, but yeah.

28 - I have a younger sister, her name is Alice! She's in college right now, she's History major! And... She's my pride and joy.

29 - And I also have five younger cousins: Ariel, Rafael, Leon, Joyce and Mercedes! I love them all, they're like my siblings. [Joyce is actually my Sunflower listener!]

30 - I... Have a... Weird relationship with my mom. It has been getting worse these last few years... Ah, nevermind, I shouldn't have brought this up.

31 - I had three relationships in my life... Well, three and a half, if you count that high school fling, but I digress: My first boyfriend lasted, like, half a year of my freshman year in college. It was nice, we just realized quickly that neither of us were serious. And my second boyfriend... Ergh. Tristan. We began dating in my junior year, and had a pretty messy break-up right after my graduation...

32 - ...But, nearly a whole decade after that, he sent me a DM on Instagram asking me how I was, and I mistakenly thought he became a decent human being. Hell, he was the one who got me my current job. He works in the Marketing department and was kind enough to tell me that Legal was hiring. I thought that we could at least be friends again, but... He's still a pain in the ass, at the end of the day. And still wants me back. ERGH...

33 - ...But, actually, I should thank him for that. Ironically, by trying to get back with me, he got me my third and current boyfriend... And... I won't talk too much about our relationship, but... This is the happiest I've ever been with someone. I mean it.

34 - Ok, how do I say this? I... Have been told that I... Have a pretty high libido. Or, if you want to be meaner, I'm a horny bastard. I... Will not elaborate if that's true or not. [It Is Literally Canonical]

35 - But even if I WAS a horny bastard, I'm a romantic at heart, believe it or not! I like being swept off my feet! I like flowers! I like cheesy pick-up lines! I like cuddles, god, I really like cuddles... Anyway.

36 - I'm a petite lil' guy. I'm 1m69cm tall... Or 5'8ft.

37 - I have ADHD. I was diagnosed when I was 20. I've been taking meds to help with my lack of focus, and it really has been helping.

38 - I also have insomnia. It isn't as bad as it was a few years ago, but it still sucks.

39 - My favorite song of all time is "Don't Stop (Color on the Walls)" by Foster The People!

40 - My favorite movie of all time... It's a tie between Footloose and Burlesque.

41 - My favorite animated movie of all time is Ponyo!

42 - My MBTI is ENFP, my Enneagram is 2w3, and I'm an Aquarius!

43 - In my opinion, my biggest strengths as a person are that I'm pretty charming, I can get along with nearly any kind of person (given enough time), and that I'm notoriously hard to piss off. As long as you're not messing with my loved ones, it takes A LOT to make me actually angry.

44 - And my weaknesses... Well, I let people get away with stepping all over me pretty frequently... And I'm very restless. And I don't mean only physically, I mean like... Mentally. I feel like I'm a shark: If I stop moving, I'll die, y’know? Oh, I've been told that I can be pretty shameless and a bit nosy... And, welp. I... Can't really deny that.

45 - I hate the cold. I hate winter. I hate snow. Fuck you, northern hemisphere.

46 - I really like sitting on the floor, ever since I was a little boy. It just... Grounds me. No pun intended.

47 - My favorite color is blue, but yellow and orange are also lovely... And I've been getting real fond of red these days. Hehe (Can't believe that it took me this long to say my favorite color, we're on fact 47th...).

48 - I'm a dog person! I never got to have one, though...

49 - I, not-so-secretly, really like cute things. I may or may not have a big octopus plushie on my bed. And may or may not love Pompompurin and Gudetama.

50 - I'm overall pretty confident on my looks... Except for my smile and my laugh. My ex-boyfriend (Tristan) once said that my smile is wide enough to be scary, and my mom said that my laugh is too loud, and I've been restraining myself from truly smiling and laughing out loud in public ever since. But I tend to let go when near people I trust.

51 (bonus!) - I have a very sensitive neck... Now, if I see it as a good thing or a bad thing... Depends on what your intentions are... If you know what I mean.

52 (bonus!)² - I'm also pretty great at typing. My words per minute game is insane, modesty aside.

53 (bonus!)³ - I... Can be a little bit jealous when I'm dating someone. I was never a pain in the ass about it, I mostly just sulk in silence, but... Yeah. It's my toxic trait.

[laufire]

june reading meme!

BOOKS

The Ruby in the Smoke by Philip Pullman. The book was fine, but no His Dark Materials. And Sally is far from being half as interesting as Lyra. I had all but decided on not continuing the series, even if on paper I'm definitely down for some more girl detective stories in my life... but my edition included a few pages from the next installment. And those intrigued me lmao. I won't be picking it up any time soon, but I'll probably give it a try.

The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux. The best part of this novel, by far, were Chapoulet's illustrations. I find the concept of the story very, very appealing, but after so long anticipating reading it, I was so let down by the execution. I found the prose unremarkable and the drama underwhelming. And I fucking hate Raoul and his Madonna-Whore complex lmao. However, I liked enough of it (if most, sadly not what was in focus) that I'm still intrigued about watching the musical properly (as opposed to listening to a few songs).

Small Gods by Terry Pratchett. As good as every other Discworld novel, but there are two things that means it's never going to be among by favourites. One, I remain so, so uninterested in religion itself -as in, a philosophy, as in religious beliefs- that really nothing in it "hits" the way the themes in other novels do. And two... it needed women. It SO needed women smh.

Unholy with Eyes Like Wolves by Morgan Dante. This novella is quite a quick read, written by an indie author. It's a gothic story centered on a dishonored widow serving as handmaiden to Lady Erzsébet Báthory. It's a poly sapphic horror romance loosely inspired by Carmilla (Mircalla is the third part of the poly romance, but Noémie/Báthory was the strongest dynamic). The religious themes (specifically related to the subjugation of women) worked a lot better here, in my opinion, maybe because they felt more grounded, and they provided some of my favourite conversations in the book. The novel definitely scratched that itch I'll always have about monstrous sapphic dynamics, and I'm thankful for the recommendation ^-^

COMICS

Barda by Ngozi Ukazu. Very enjoyable! I know very little about this side of DC Comics, so I don't know how this YA one-shot fares in that sense, but it succeeded in making me want to read more about Big Barda and Mister Miracle (big badass hardcore woman/dainty trickstery soft man romances, come to me <3).

Gotham Central: "Dead Robin" (#33-36). I talked about this story arc here. It's given me brand new issues. I love it. I need to read the rest of the run.

Superman for All Seasons. It lives up to the hype as a Superman staple comic. Each issue is narrated by a different character: Jonathan, Lois, Luthor, and Lana, with beautiful illustrations and a great depiction of Clark that, were to be used now, I firmly believe it'd garner far less appreciation than it did then.

Chris Kent's appearances. I went through all of his appearances in new earth (and also the few on Earth-16; do not recommend, they do NOT get him lmao. Why the hell would he judge someone for their parentage...). He's now officially one of the characters whose erasure consist in one of the biggest fuckups of the reboot lmao. He was a great addition to the Superman lore, far better than Jon (in many ways a cheap copy that obeys to the new conventionality trends) could hope to be. *sighs*

The Legend of Wonder Woman (2016). Overall a pretty neat entry to Wonder Woman lore for modern audiences, which is what it clearly aimed to be. I'm sure if I was more well-read on WW I'd have issues with it, but overall I enjoyed it. Though I think it should've been gayer (I think Hippolyta/Philippus was made canon in the mainline after this run 👀).