#but i worry people wont like them
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I hate having ideas and then not posting them because i worry people won't like them.
Love being back in a Naruto mood however
#Celestia Kat Rambles#i have so many thoughts#so many ideas#but i worry people wont like them#is that normal????
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5p yuuram bloood twww
#i feel bad for tagging this yuuram cuz its so far from canon LMFAO i will for organization but like...#yuuram#mine#kkm#comics#fanart#its been so long since i got to draw a comic im so happy im flourishing#uhhh anyways#hc time. i think yuuri is the type of person to act before he thinks and therefore i think he would be the first to initiate. not exactlu a#unpopular interpretation of yuuri but i think he likes wolf before he knows it and so his body acts b4 he recognizes the feelings wihin him#i also think wolf wont initiate first cuz his love towards yuuri is very. um. catholic and political lmao.#cuz hes a dog and a human weapon. he thinks the suffering is part of his job. like born duty. and i think he likes it too#cuz theres eomthing about being able to pour ur soul into being obsessed w someone in a gay codependent relationship w/out worrying ab them#reciprocating LMFAO#anyways i think wolf loves in a way that is very intentional. his love is a weapon that he gives to people. its not something to indulge in#i also thinkk his love is a weapon for himself. to sharpen and use. like motivation/justification to exist and also DUTY BABYYY#i talked too much#wolfram von bielefelt#shibuya yuuri#(comic is abuot yuuri. talks about wolfram instead) sorry son.
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Old albatrio wip I will likely never finish so enjoy <3
#art tag#starchive#sketchey#jrwi#jrwi riptide#jrwi fanart#jay ferin#chip jrwi#gillion tidestrider#augh it feels so weird posting unfinished stuff but I really am proud of thjs one so far but it probably wont be finished lol#i like my designs for them a lot and i had a lot of fun with it#dont worry about the bg it would have been cooler rendered i promise lmaooo#maybe ill finish this if people are really into it but for now we will leave it as this AND THATS OKAY
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:D
#okaaaay so.... im sorry about the watermarks- from what ive read this is best practice for protecting your art from ai#though i worry it wont help at all. i just want to try#ive never cared about people reposting my art but the ai stuff makes my skin crawl#anyway if for some reason you want the version without a watermark just tell me and i can email it to you i dont care who has it#knd#kids next door#my art#I JUST WORRY THE WATERMARKS ARE STILL NOT BLOCKING ENOUGH like i worry theyre too light. but i hate using them
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Familar Stranger
DP x DC au with a dash of dimensional travel where Danny, due to his ghostly nature, looks slightly different depending on how others perceive him.
Warning: OP has no knowledge of space other than Google and is also a non-native English speaker; proceed with caution.
Same startup kits: Danny becomes the successor to the Infinity Realm (he's a baby by both ghost and human standards, so there's a temporary council for now). Anyway, he still has some power over the ghosts, so he asks them to lessen the amount of fighting to focus on schoolwork and "princely education."
Now here's where my brainrot begins.
The Lazarus Pits, necromantic rituals, or portals of any kind that have "death" or "soul" in them tend to be connected to the Ghost Zone. However, the zone has its own defensive mechanism, so unless someone *Fentons* actively makes a gateway or has "experienced" death, it's nearly impossible to come upon the zone. A certain furry bridage in Gotham has unknowingly ticked all the checkboxes.
During a misson, one of the bats got caught in a magic situation and transported to the Infinity Realms. They wandered around, dogding ghosts, slowly getting insane from all these damn corridors and living paintings, before they stumbled upon a seemingly random door (CW is involved; he's having a great time testing the poor bat).
Opening the door leads them to The Universe. They closed the door, then opened it again. Yep, that's an entire universe complete with its own planetary systems and, oh, so pretty stars growing and dying in a blink of an eye. Another check around shows them that this is the only door so far in the endlessly long hallway. They look down (if there's even a down, for there's only infinity) and take an experimental step. The Milky Way lit up under their feet, with stars gathering around to form a twisting path to nowhere.
For the next couple of hours, days, or minutes, they made their way through the galaxies. Just when they were about to spiral into a midlife crisis, they heard... humming?
Have they finally lose it? They asked themselves before noticing a glowing figure sitting on an asteroid nearby.
"Hello?"
The figure flinched, and life paused. The blackhole by their left stopped spinning, the stars weren't twinkling, and the figure turned their head. Now it's their blood that runs cold.
"You're not supposed to be here."
Lazarus-colored orbs stared back at them with a familiar face but an unfamiliar voice. Damian tilted his head, looking at them in confusion (there's something wrong, wrong, wrong-). They blinked because, what the hell, seeing something other than a scowl on the boy's face is WeirdTM. Suddenly, that's a teenaged Jason(?) staring at them, much closer than he was before.
At this point, they realized— eyes moving over the entire regalia and the glowing crown that just appeared—they're probably in deep sh*t.
#dc#dcu#danny fenton#danny phantom#batfam#dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#uncannydanny#got inspired by Bian Lian (Face-changing)#haha poor bat member#danny is just freaked and worried#cause this is his special space how did someone get in#initial worries is over now come the panik: oh Ancients a human in the Ghost Zone#dw danny takes them back to the living world#which is in another dimension btw wow how did you get so far#danny: alright dude *smile* pls dont come back i wont be able to help you a second time#batmember: *getting hives from seeing damian's face smiling so bright*#bat member: you look just like my brother#danny: haha imagine that#danny is the term people see what they want#and bats are black haired blue eyed coded#diabolichare
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I got bit by the Sparkling bug and really wanted to give Bumblebee and Breakdown a child for my unnamed AU I'm working on but then I remembered I can't draw children :( big shout out to that post floating around here that's like "imagine a Sparkling but they come out full sized then what." traffic tickets and impound fees that's what
(pssst look at their knees)
#its my first time drawing a transformer can you tell#maccadam#tfe bumblebee#tfe breakdown#transformers#transformers oc#OKAY story time!!!!!!#I went with a 1971 corvette bc my grandfather used to race street cars in the 70s and was a mechanic and has a fleet of muscle cars#im going to make Jazz a Chevelle look out for that#BUT i went with F8 green bc my dads wife has a challenger that color green and Blue + Yellow makes green :3#their pointy things are supposed to be a combo of Bees horns and Breakdowns side thingies#also i mixed in some of Bees Cyberverse design bc i like that#their pose is a reference to Fuck Cops meme#okay so i was screaming the entire time i was drawing them bc Hard but also not very precious with the doodles which was a lot of fun?#i used to love to draw but i gave it up bc i was so focused on how bad i was doing and not having fun with it#but this time i was just having fun with it and WOW i finished it???#so for the AU it's not REALLY earthspark its more me pulling verisons of characters i like and putting them into the Scenario#like Ratchet from tfp and Smokescreen are also there along with Skywarp and Ambulon and Prowl and Jazz and Hot Rod#oh just you wait i also gave Skwarp and Ambulon a sparkling thats a search and rescue plane but nobody cares about shipping those two!!!#jazz and prowl also get a sparkling dont worry#the timeline is very long though with lots of flashing back and forwards and other things that probably people wont like but this is for ME
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POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw gore#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi suckening#jrwi gabriel#jrwi gabriel montez#LOOK FAMILIAR?hahahahahDONT WORRY#IM REUPLOADING THIS HERE BC i fixed up the drawing a lil. and also i wanted to add main tags#U WONT SEE ANY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THISSUN N THE POST ON MY SIDEBLOG.i changed the image there too.HA!!!!!!!#ANYWAY.i rambled plenty about pain and gabe on my sideblog.SO LETS TALK ABT THE ART SHALL WE.ihad i very hard time getting the colors down#would u believe i nearly left this uncolored??FUCKED UP!! it was only a sketchhow did it end up like this. it was only a sketch...#BUT IM RLY GLAD I WENT W COLORING IT.this time i actually used the airbrush n pencil tools BUT i also have a handy dandy brush i made#its just the mspaint air brush tool. fucking LOVE THAT THING. but now its in fire alpaca and it can be slightly transparent.IT LOOKS SOGOOD#perfect for splatters and grime.i love you mspaint i love youuu.im also so happy w the blood here.i think i reached a shift last year#back when i made that genloss fanart something abt the way i draw blood finally CLICKED and im like OH. the inside must always be darker.#like i KNEW that already but it was like my hand itself finally had it click.i wonder what i will learn next?I LIKE THE ORGANS HERE TOO#not as veiny or thready as i usually draw em. but i think thats fine. not as WET as id like em to be but thats also fine.#i got the point across. the point ofc being WOW THIS IS GRUESOME AND PAINFUL AND TERRIBLE#I LOVE HIS EXPRESSION.i love pain and thinking abt pain. you lose yourself to it after enough time passes of just being in an ocean o agony#at one point its just too tiresome to scream or writhe. theres a point when the body accepts it.sometimes.atleast.#OHHH GABRIEL AS A CHARACTER DELIGHTS ME SO MUCH.he is a dog to me.a thing to serve others.I WISH I KNEW MORE#WHAT ELSE DID YOU WANT BOY?? SURE POWER AND SECURITY AND SAFETY ARE NICE.BUT DID YOU HAVE DREAMS? WANTS? PASSIONS?#WHAT WAS THE STORY BEHIND THAT TIGER TATTOO ON YOUR ARM?WHAT DO THE DOGTAGS SAY BOY?I WISH I COULD HAVE TEA W U#OHHH TO SIT DOWN WITH A CHARACTER AND JUST SPEAK TO THEM. AND YET. AND YET IN THE END ITS ALL TRAGEDY AND COMEDY#TRAGEDY AND COMEDY THAT IS SO SO PAINFULLY UNBALANCED. SIGH.#WHATEVER CMERE BOY YOURE BECOMING AN OC OF MINE NOW UR GONNA BE IN SPACE AND UR NAME IS GONNA BE VINEGAR#UR STILL GONNA BE SHIP OF THESEUSED THOUGH. OOOHHH GABRIEEELLL GABRIEL MONTEEEZZZ#HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE BUILT INTO YOU.HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE AND CHERISH.HOW MANY TATTOOS DO U RECOGNIZE ON UR NEW ARMS#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? ON THE NIGHT U WERE SIRED?WERE YOU EXCITED? DID YOU SEE YOUR BOSS' FACE?WHAT WAS THIS PROMOTION LIKE?
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Shadow the Hedgehog is a canonically suicidal teenager full of self-hate and survivor's guilt and I'm not supposed to love and cherish him like my son? alright
#suicide ment#If anything in the manga/that one ending of shth 2005 is anything to go by for context#He felt like his birth was a waste of time and that he failed to perform the Thing he was Created To Do. he was doomed on arrival.#its not his fault but he blames himself for everything and wont let people get close#and the people who DID get close manipulated him. damaged his brain for their own gain. forced him to work with them or face annihilation.#except for a select few. who continue to try and include him despite everything he's done#but he feels like he doesnt deserve their kindness. that he isnt worried of love#SHADOWWWWW#the amount of insight we're getting for my favorite character has left me a mess. I wasnt reading too much into it. it IS that serious#No one said that btw I just love gushing abt him.
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Criticising korean fans when they do something actually dodgy is all fine and good, should go for anyone who does invasive or weird, shit but also the amount of times now I see (usually western) fans just being like. Blatantly xenophobic and racist. Pretty much being like Yuck korean fans.... ?????? You're obsessed with a KOREAN POP ACT? why are you saying Korea like it's a slur you weirdo
#like months back when the fanmeetings were happening i followed a lee know fansite who attended#and they werent korean and then had the audacity to be like Wow im so shocked /those people/ were actually so friendly to me#those people? those people?#also on the rude invasive fan front people followed those boys around in chicago and filmed them so the invasive fan thing is not#exclusively a korean fan thing- theyre in korea the most so not shockingly the most incidents happen there#and obviously the kfan culture in gen is worrying#but i see almost as much weird and bad behaviour when they go elsewhere so again maybe dont be so holier than thou#call out weird shithead behaviour for sure- ive done it woth white washing a bunch but the second you go into /those people/#territory- well. fuck off idk i have no advice its just wild seeing sometimes tweets with hundreds or thousands of likes#that are so blatantly fuckin obvious#like at this point its fair to say any kpop fan from anywhere around the world can be a fucking weirdo asshole 🫶 everyone be better 🫶#text became small but wont change so idk im whispering this post i guess
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Asking because I’m extremely curious about this, how did MonProm’s writing get different over time? I remember you saying that the lore and characters feel different, and that it's missing sincere character interactions, too. I know almost nothing about the lore and I’ve only seen a few people mention the characters, so I’d be interested in a rundown of what aspects you think got worse in the series
I wouldn’t mind a very long response since I’m not that active in the fandom, I need to catch up on what happened
sorry for taking so long to answer this! i kinda waffled on it for a long bit, mainly because i started doubting myself again, and whether or not this was me simply overreacting or being tinted by nostalgia or simply being extremely picky and choosy in what i like (the last of which is true, i seldom get into fandoms at all for this reason and stay away from most popular media, but i wasn't sure if it applied here). i've posted about it already, but i'm in the middle of a psychotic episode where i can't feel a lot of pleasure to begin with + most things i do experience ending up solidly in the "very bad" category, so as you can imagine, i really didn't want to mislead and check that i was actually in objective reality.
as it is, this is also when a lot more screenshots started to be posted in the monster prom tag, and that helped me bridge the gap back into returning to the games themselves and feel like i was making a more accurate judgement. if you're one of those people who have been posting screenshots, i sincerely thank you, and i appreciated seeing you in the tag greatly.
for those not in the know — i've been in the monster prom fandom since it first released, prior to even the first additional ending to be added (the "Punch the sun" ending, and i recall the minor fandom drama that happened at that time due to it). my impression of monster prom is very much influenced by this, as what got me into the first game was the fact that the characters genuinely seemed to care for each other and were friends with each other (not merely tolerating each other's presences nor dressing it up, they sincerely thought of each other as friends and were open about that fact), on top of the wide variety of small details and statements that, if taken at face value, could create compounding complexity in the lives of each and every character and had wider implications for their lives.
no, they were not necessarily explored nor even necessarily "real", with so many conflicting events and statements, but i liked this too, because it meant a wider flexibility in what you could imagine, helping to create a more tailored experience for everyone who thought about these characters. this was what i liked about the early fandom too. what was baseline "canon" was so vague and minimal that you could have wildly different interpretations of the same characters' histories and relationships with each other. you would have radically different perspectives on what the world itself looked like, what it was like, that there wasn't really any wrong answers so long as their personalities remained the same. this is where you got the old headcanon of polly and liam being childhood friends who knew each other as humans, or that the world of monster prom was post-apocalypse where humanity itself had gone extinct or only existed in tiny pockets, or my personal headcanon that both monster and human society existed right next to each other and had minimal crossover for petty cultural reasons. this was also prior zoe-as-ro, and there were wildly different interpretations of zoe's personality, with most going for a far more disquieting creepy-cute than the deep nerd we got.
this is why you get stuff like the timeloop theory, where everyone is repeating the same weeks leading up to prom over and over, and are perhaps vaguely aware of it but broadly unconcerned. this is also why it felt like the joke that, the characters were still in high school but were all fully legal adults with most in their 20's, best landed, because it was absurd and strange and didn't quite make sense, but the world itself was inherently absurd and semi-malleable to begin with. realistically, i felt like everyone understood it was making fun of the trope of having adults play teenagers in american sitcoms and wildly casting outside the age range, but for more in-universe explanations it wasn't any different from the way that you would have a large, dramatic ending in which everything changed, but then you'd restart and everyone would be right back at the beginning with nothing different, or even having conflicting events in the same run. it was a dream-logic that fit with the tropes and, thus, diagetically made sense.
to be clear, i don't mind canon having a set, well, canon on which it refers back to itself. i don't mind expanding that or including more things which are set in stone. but there was a perceivable shift in how the games handled this over time, becoming a lot more... bitter, it felt, towards all of these different branching ideas and concepts that, yeah, the people making them knew wouldn't necessarily be "canon" because "canon" already liked to contradict itself so much. most people weren't even sold on any one idea, and there was a much greater sense of enjoying and appreciating all the varying ideas people would come up with even if you personally didn't share them. making the characters be out of character was the real crime, because then it didn't diagetically make sense in the same way, didn't wholly fit.
(again, this is not to say fanon didn't happen and characters weren't smoothed down into a simplified personality that fit these varying fan-interpretations instead of the game itself. certainly damien love/lust was just as bad as it had ever been, and everyone loved to mangle his character into a more stereotypical "bad boy with a heart of hold" all the time. but it certainly felt less set-in-stone about it than it does now, with any deviation from the norm being considered strange and odd and even broadly shunned from the wider fandom.)
all of this is setup for establishing what the writing, lore, and characters felt like in the earlier days. the characters were the strongest part, with their relationships to each other being equally as important. the lore played it fast and loose and was far less interested in setting anything in concrete because that wasn't the important part. the lore wasn't the important part, which was what made it all the more intoxicating to think about, all the more fun to play with.
montrip is easily the biggest offender when it comes to setting everything in all-or-nothing terms and demanding absolutism from the world. broadly i blame the hitchhiker conversations for the worst of it, but i think ultimately the way they handled the entire premise of the game is where this problem stems from. it's not really an exploration in the same sense that you might explore the first game, discovering different perspectives and different people with different relationships to each other. it's an exploration in the sense of a sequel that over-explains the monster, that takes the most boring option out of all those that were possible and floating around and settles on something that was blatant, obvious, typically rejected not because of how novel it is but how trite and par for the course it is in the rest of the genre.
yeah, okay. humans know nothing about monsters and there's a "monster dimension" that exists separately from the human dimension. there's no crossover between the two of them. of course there's a big grand-scale fight between the eldritch powers that zoe used to be a part of, from which not only are slayers the main organization against them, but also the merkingdom has some horse in this race too. it's an urge to make things so universal in explaining them, in revealing connecting threads which unite everything that's ever happened in here, that makes the worldbuilding and lore immediately much more boring than it ever was before.
and it didn't have to be this way! nothing in the first game contradicts any of this too explicitly (see the above, the first game loves to contradict itself), and i would even be happy if this was basically canon but never stated or confirmed to be the big overarching everything going on underneath it all. i believe you should probably know these things about any world that you create and have them in the back of your mind. the difference is that you can know these things and keep them in mind, even focusing on things where its very relevant, and still not reveal them. this is why you have lore bibles, after all. every horror writer knows exactly how their monster works and the full underlying reason for everything that happens, but that doesn't mean the audience will see it or possess this same information too, and leaving it intentionally obscure will make far better stories.
which, this is bad enough, but it wouldn't be the breaking point for me if this was all there was.
but the worst thing of all has to be the slow decay of the very same characters that sold me on this world, this lore, this game in the first place. monster prom is nothing without the characters in it. it's a dating sim, it has nothing but characters to get you to play, and liking these characters are the entire reason anyone would pick up monster prom in the first place.
and the first game pulls this off extremely well. it's all in the tagline: be your worst self. they are, indeed, all terrible people. yes, even that character that you just thought of right now. they all have points in the game where they commit atrocities, where they kill or hurt people, where they do inexcusable things that could not be ignored in a more serious setting.
but that's the point. i think there's something very powerful in creating a character who not only do you love and love their personality and the way they interact with the world, but who also are inapologetically terrible, and to have the humor and the charisma be so good that you don't get bogged down in the "this is awful". likewise, it never feels the urge to really go out of its way to justify what's going on. this is not to say theres no discussion of if someone "deserved it", but usually there's still the sense that the joke is on them, that this is still an extreme reaction specifically for comedy and not necessarily something that can be justified. you can have damien set leonard on fire and have it feel earned, without prompting the needed reaction of what it's actually like to watch someone burn to death.
this is what sets the prank masterz ending apart from the rest of the game, and really establishes it as the first real "bad ending". because nothing that you do or happens in the prank masterz ending is any different from anything else that happens in any other run. you summon evil beings from other dimensions as a throwaway gag on how visiting one location raises your stats. you kill other people and damn them to terrible fates. you watch as body horror happens. the only difference is that, in the prank masterz ending, the laugh track doesn't play.
the rest of the game and the writing echoes this philosophy, this careful interplay of tropes that keeps everything tongue in cheek and yet sincere enough to make sure emotional beats still land when they're needed. the characters feel true to themselves and their own emotions, even when the world is extreme and excessive, when everything else runs on comedy logic.
this is also what i noticed failing first as time went on.
like i said, fanon has always existed and there's always been very specific ideas as to what characters are like in the same way fanon always flattens down characters into the same tropes over and over. scott is stupid and innocent and doesn't know what sex is. damien is violent and hot and too cool for anyone else. miranda is the idiot girl character. repeat over and over and over until you get sick of it.
but it's been an issue as time has crept on that canon has started to approach fanon and began to merge with it. now, scott is so innocent that he can't even curse. polly starts being mean to her friends and saying things that would be very hurtful to hear. the merkingdom isn't really super evil and fucked up, it's just miranda that's like that. they become simpler, easier to digest, streamlined for social media posts and mass-sharing. they become less and less subversions of existing tropes and moreso just another example of them, something else to add to the collection, not their own individual stories.
even further from this, what more complex traits they had are now stated and not shown. polly is stated to be smart and clever in a way that her party girl persona doesn't imply and to be sincerely rather down to earth with the people she cares about, but we seldom ever see this anymore unless its the game specifically trying to make a point about it, in which case it won't let her do anything that implies cleverness and moreso will just outline it in the narration. vera is stated to care for people in a very genuine and heartfelt way, but seldom will get a chance to do so, and every opportunity for her to do so to their faces is missed while she will just outright state it later. it does not feel consistent, it does not feel like any of these are intended reads of their actions. it feels like the devs have something they want to do but no idea on how to actually do so. and forget it if you want these traits to manifest in small ways that show up in unrelated moments and scenes.
the dialogue becomes harder and harder to tell between each speaker, if you are just looking at what's said and not at the pictures attached to it. the characters' distinct voices have been eroded away, so that they speak more and more like each other, relaying the same terms and ideas in the same words. perspective becomes a suggestion, instead of a must.
this is something that started back in monster camp too, as all of the endings in that game felt ultimately the same as every other ending. it's very hard to place or define the full reason why, why there feels like there's no emotional stakes nor investment, why everything feels moreso like selecting different coats of paint and trying to find all the different ending pictures rather than being interested in exploring the characters as characters.
stranger yet, the series that started with the tagline of "be your worst self" has experienced a kind of... softening, for lack of a better word? what i mentioned about being able to handle the balance between terrible people who do terrible things and the light tone of the game starts to change, as abruptly the same characters who were down with violent murder in the first game start to lose their nerve, acting more and more on more typical morality. it's one of those things that feels like it's starting to damage the tone, as abruptly it's not as absurd as it used to be, demands less suspension of disbelief which could buffer and support the rest of the setting on it. there's even a part in one of the endings in montrip which involves current-polly and current-scott looking back on their monprom selves and reacting in horror at how violent and careless their pranks are, in a way that fundamentally felt like it was undercutting and disparaging all the things that felt fun and made monprom what it was.
which is odd, really, because more and more i feel like the characters in these games like each other less and less. the friendships and genuine enjoyment of each others company that brought me to this game in the first place has gone. now they don't mention each other as much, don't care for each other's feelings and reactions as much, aren't as willing to support each other. they are more and more found on their own, relied on their own, seem to seek out contact and interaction with their own friends less and less. it feels like they're all separating out into their own worlds, but also feels like they wouldn't willingly want to interact with each other if they weren't already forced together by some other outside contrivance.
if anything, i'd compare it to every other dating sim out there, where you, the player, are the most important person in these characters' lives, and they only feel ambivalent or antagonistic towards every other character. which, again, is not why i picked up monster prom or why i liked it so much in the first place.
and it's because of this that it feels like the current state of the series has to focus on its increasingly weak worldbuilding and lore, trying to form a more serious foundation without character relationships being so tightly bound together, without the characters themselves being more developed and rich, without an aspect of absurd humor to rely on.
more and more i've noticed monprom has to rely on referencing other series to make itself funny and create humor, which, again, it's always done. it was just easier to ignore back then, if you didn't know what was being referenced, because there was always more going on in the exact same scene to bolster it and give context clues as to the setup and punchline at play. it feels like the current games are much more dependent on you knowing pop culture references in order to have any fun with it, and i'm someone who, again, is very picky in what i like or what i'll seek out. i'm not interested in a stream of references about other things that i would much rather be doing than playing through a game that feels like it hates that i like it at all, when i could, again, just be engaging with the thing that takes itself seriously and knows what it wants.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#monster prom#asks#vanillabeenflower#this is. so long i am so sorry.#and its still not my entire thoughts because i have so many thoughts#this is an unedited ramble tbh and im very sorry for that#i have more complaints like#how fucking snide and condescending the narration is to its own characters#which it already had but gets even worse in the later games#which is why despite loving aaravi i dont want to play moncamp at all#where a character says they like something or feel something and the narration has to be so. sarcastic about it?#like how i mentioned about how it feels like how its looking down on them as people#instead of whats probably the intended read which is#more jokingly calling them dumb in an affectionate way like how you might do with friends#and ofc theres the whole miranda rant#i hate what theyve done with the merkingdom and i HATE adrien as a concept i wont lie#just. cool. this female character is too stupid to count as a lore character. we obviously need a MALE character to fill in instead#we cant just have miranda talk about this or center any of the other female characters#and how they feel about this and whats going on for them#no we need to make up a new man to talk to instead#im. im still really bitter about it i wont lie.#like i said i could go on and get way more specific about it#i just feel like any and all emotional weight to this has died and the characters are more and more obviously actors on a stage#for your own self gratification rather than their own people living their own lives#this is so bitter and i really shouldnt put this in the main tag#i am so sorry everyone who will see my rant. but my peace must be made.#dont worry im already asking myself if im just making all this shit up myself#what if some of us liked that the characters were so mean to the player and had no qualms about aggressively rejecting us#because it gave some illusion of them being able to make their own choices and decisions in what they wanted
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ok but like dan talking about where they could take the channel next, whether they keep it casual or more professional stuff or whatever people want I don't know if he realises just how much we dont rly care what they do lol... like they could do some of that, all of that, or literally NONE of that and we'd still stick around like cockroaches lol
& like I know a lot of phans DID leave during the hiatus, but I also know that a lot of us (myself included) continued watching their vids regularly (I have probably seen dan playing outlast alone in the dark like twice a year since it came out lol) like @ dip and pip we are ride and die for whatever shenanigans YOU guys wanna make lol
#dan and phil#phan#also them saying dystopia daily was too niche like whoo caressss??? /i/ loved it & i know loads of others did too#i think both of them get kinda caught up in their heads worried we wont like the things thry do or say#but like babes we WILL love it lol i can assure you#like there are so many people who genuinely loathe mukbangs but are STILL gonna watch that vid 70 times because it's dnp lol#(this is also directed @ myself btw cos i too am often waay in my head over the things i create rip...)
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almost came out to my sister today except she was on speakerphone with her husband so that did NOT happen lmao
#nothing against my BIL i just. want to keep it to the people i trust most in my family for now.#of all my immediate family she's the one i trust the most. completely 100%. oldest brother is a close second.#i think i do want to come out to them in the near future. haven't really figured out what i'm gonna say to them though.#hgrhghh.#winter speaks#personal#and i have to figure out what im going to say to the family At Large too..........................SIGH.#i dont even know if i want to come out to the whole family because i know some of them are republicans but i dont know which ones#bc there's a strict ''no talking about politics'' rule at every single gathering for as long as i can remember. lmao.#so i have no idea which family members will grudgingly tolerate me and which ones want me euthanized lmaooooooo#i don't even. really Want to come out to the whole family honestly. but i don't know how much of a long term solution that is.#whatever. im not gonna worry about all that rn bc i have to worry about how im gonna tell my siblings.#and i trust that they wont tell the rest of the family about it until im ready for it but i should probably be prepared just in case they d#because with my wonderful beautiful loving family you can never ever fucking tell :) <3#im very sure about my brother and sister tho.#whatever. its midnight i should not be thinking about stuff like this#but idk i was literally planning on coming out to her today but she just had a baby so she had the phone on speaker while she and#her husband were taking care of him/my older nephew#next time i guess.
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Who's gonna get whacked by the snowstorm? It's supposed to get me the next two days and I'm kinda excited tbh 👀
ARE Y'ALL PREPARED?!
#my animals all should be okay#im just a bit worried about the half wild chickens who wont let me put them in the coop#or even the garage#i know theyll be ok with the cold im just worried about how deep the snow will be#ill have to keep up on making paths for them#other than that#i have enough animal and people food to last awhile and i have extra straw in case someone needs more#also got ten gallons each of diesel and gas#lots of blankets medical supplies board games#oh dang i should make sure my portable phone charger is charged#i really need to get a solar charger#the thing im worried about most is if the power goes out#we have a generator but if we can keep the house warm during the day we might turn it off at night#and i know its stupid but i have anxiety and nighttime is really hard for me#especially in pitch black silence#i dont like the way my fear and anxiety makes my heart feel#anyway#ill stop rambling now#yall are in my prayers#please pray for us
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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oh. so. this dream and this vision and this exchange after and everything that has been building to here.
All that rage, all that desperation, Imogen's knowledge that Liliana's judgement is flawed and searching for any reason to understand, searching for a way to bring her out of it. Bring her back.
"Show me" and she does and.
Its- beautiful, its wonderful. Its the unmaking of the world and of history and it feels- so good. For a moment Imogen feels something she hasn't for YEARS. A life and a possibility and a future full of peace she hasnt had for ages, hasnt even bothered hoping for. For a moment, Imogen sees it, but more importantly- she feels it- the freedom, the peace, the dream. Stronger than any vision. She sees it. She feels it.
And she wakes up, and she- unknowingly, perfectly, mirrors her own mothers words, looks around, asks- did you see it? Did you all see that? (I wish you all could see what I could see-)
They didn't- of course they didn't. They saw Liliana, too far gone, spouting nonsense, they saw her reach out, they saw the refusal to listen to reason. They did not see the vision. (They couldn't have. Even if they'd seen it- would they have understood? How could they? No beautiful vision would have captured the thing that left the awe in Imogen's lungs- the peace. The freedom. The finality of, finally, finally, being free of this gift that has only been a curse.)
They didn't see the vision. They saw their friend, tapped on the forehead after hopeless pleas. They've been seeing their friend make further and further excuses for someone they know is a danger, someone siding with people they are working so hard against. That has hurt them. They've seen the way she can't quite denounce Liliana. They've hedged around it: If she's not on our side, will you be okay- You know if she's not on our side, we'll have to-
They've been watching. They're seeing plenty. They did not see the vision. They couldn't have.
They saw a fruitless conversation. They saw their friend rebuffed by someone she loves. They saw her wake up with a strange kind of light in her eyes and- say.
What if its not so bad? (The world ending. Half of the world being eaten. Innocent lives lost. Our loved ones cut down for a fever dream and delusions of power and grandeur. Us, cut down, for some stupid plot for a moon and petty revenge against the gods and a desire to end the world.) They've been watching her, make halfhearted arguments, sidle away. Make increasingly desperate excuses. Ask: What if.
(Its so easy to ask, what if. Its so dangerous. Sometimes the if is used to hide away lives and lives of collateral, of blood red loss. Sometimes the if has already been answered and paid for, and the act of asking is its own form of violence, all over again.)
"Well Imogen, I wish my family didn't have to die for her brighter tomorrow."
And the way Imogen collapses, a little- presses her face into her hands and crumples under the weight of the reminder, like voices piling in after weeks of being in blissful quiet in a forest. Like reality breaking in after a beautiful dream. "You're right. I'm sorry. You're right."
"I swear, I wanna see this through, I do."
"She just presented this vision of- it didn't seem so bad."
And the Bells try to help, to be kind. They say: We understand why this must be hard for you. She's someone you love, its hard to deal with them thinking a different way. What did you see?
They are trying so hard, to reason through it, to balance their own hurt with kindness and sound arguments to lead her back. They want so badly, to lead her back. Have her back.
The problem however, is not the soundness of the argument, is not the reason or the logic- but the overwhelming allure of that sensation- of that promise- of the hope- of the ideal. Of a mirage that already drew Liliana in. That is pulling Imogen's gaze, despite. Despite, despite, despite.
Hope is such a tricky thing to kill.
#okay theres like three metas here i kind of wanted to write but it turned into one frankenstein one bc i need to sleep#critical role#c3e49#cr liveblogging#character meta#imogen temult#bell's hells#liliana temult#the three things here are something like: imigen is compromised in the way the trope of duty bound people going 'im compromised' when they#love someone- THIS is that THIS is the compromise in judgement#2 is that all discussion about flawed reasoning is- not the point. so wholly not the point. imogen is not chasing the reasoning. neither is#liliana. imogen and liliana and probably others have the sensation- have the hope- have the mirage- have a promise (they cant have)#the reasoning twists itself from there. this is how cults work! this is how like! irl dangerous idealogies work! this is why something#technically making sense CANNOT BE ENOUGH FOR A PERSON TO FALL IN LINE bc humans can reason /anything/ if the purpose is strong enough#imogen KNOWS the reasoning isnt sound. shes not convinced by the reasoning. shes hoping and her reasoning is being swayed bc of it.#she apologizes to orym. shes caught up in a sensation#3 is that the bells are so worried and i havw so many feelings about it bc they want to help her they want her to see reason#but theyre so short on time. and this hurts /them/ too. to need to defend this. explain this. at a point they need to prioritize themselves#the mission. their own emotional comfort. they need to know when- when is a lost cause and when isnt. theyve already been worried. at a#certain point- what can you do? this has nothing to do with reason. if emotional appeals wont work- what can you do.#uagahaguagahaghghgg#okay i need to sleep#im going to continue yelling tomorrow and then finish watching this convo and watch the ashton laud convo and YELL MORE#imogen meta#my meta#speculation
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rules: make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. see which character is everyone's favorite!
tagged by @skadren!! thank you :] i will not be sticking with ff7 characters because . well. orv fundamentally changed my brain chemistry
tagging: @foxtsumus, @dq9, @desfraisespartout, @birdmenmanga, @investigatorsuzuya
#tag game#3 of the characters are from orv . dont worry about it#i feel like i had to add a one piece character if only bc ive been following it for . over half my life at this point#didnt fundamentally change my brain chemistry like orv but it sure did Something#[tags people that largely have not interacted with my favorite media at all] yeah this wont be weirdly skewed at all#squints at them. love that they could all benefit from some form of therapy. except luffy hes perfect
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