#but i will totally write a full recap of the entire night for this one

[ingravinoveritas]

Seeing all of the pictures and video from the first night of Macbeth in the West End tonight has made me unexpectedly emotional. I'm flying to London exactly one week from today, and it's so unbelievable that it's finally happening. Looking at the outside of the theatre and the gorgeous teal color scheme, it's only just now sinking in that I will soon be standing in front of that very building. And after everything that's happened over the past few months--having surgery, GO fandom woes, and life in general--it feels like it's all going to be worth it. And I can't wait to share it with you all...

[carmenlire]

I've had this taegyu idea floating around since january but I'll readily admit that it is extremely similar to httbt so like on one hand I am absolutely a reader who often thinks "man I wanna read what I just read but new" plus it's in an entirely different fandom but on the other hand like it's literally rockstar beomgyu and probably math teacher taehyun (or maybe grad student, potentially gym owner?).

(lowkey i ended up like fully plotting out the fic/recapping my twt thread so i'm putting the rest under a cut lol.)

like whereas alec was a top 40 sensation solo pop artist, very much channeling biggest name in the industry, beomgyu would be frontman for an indie/niche band (honestly i'm picturing chase atlantic 100% whereas alec was like a tswift) but his band still sells out its tours and is somewhere on the charts, making a very respectable sum.

Beomgyu is feeling ennui, uninspired, very jaded but in a more. . . angsty way than alec? i imagine this fic to be darker/more emotional than httbt with A Big Conflict towards the end where one of them severely fucks up in classic fic fashion.

of course, i've already thought of the opening scene and it makes me realize how totally predictable i am because it's an extremely late night/early morning run-in where taegyu are obviously at very different points in their lives but they have A Conversation and it's the first time beomgyu has felt interested/intrigued by something in forever and taehyun-- actually here's a difference-- he actually has no idea who beomgyu/his band is. beomgyu, ofc, likes that. taehyun just sees a hot guy who's a little fucked up but aren't we all.

looking at my twt thread, i talk a lot about how during that first meeting, beomgyu talks a lot in half-truths, unsure if he can trust taehyun and taehyun is just blunt as always, very no bullshit. they both walk away feeling amped up-- beomgyu feels a little bit like he got an ass kicking, a breath of fresh air and taehyun is intrigued in his own way about this guy who's full of contradictions.

they keep running into each other at the park at these really intimate hours (beomgyu clearing his head/going out whenever there's less of a chance of him being seen and taehyun on his morning runs). eventually one morning, the sun is shining when they both look up and taehyun recommends a lowkey breakfast spot he knows nearby.

despite there clearly being something between them, beomgyu isn't in a place to be in a relationship and taehyun is up front about what he wants/needs and they both respect the other. of course, that doesn't stop them from growing closer until they're like best friends.

constantly texting, both of them start to depend on the other-- on their phone calls, a few minutes of stolen time, on finding the most out of the way restaurants with the best samgyeopsal.

everyone around them knows Something's going on even if taegyu remain infuriatingly tightlipped, both of them wanting to protect this thing between them. the secret relationship aspect is a lot more illicit in this than it was in httbt-- there might not be tabloids to worry about but beomgyu's had a lot of years in the business to grow jaded even if he wishes he could be as open as taehyun. There are some growing pains even if they are both fully invested/committed, even if beomgyu loves being with taehyun and can't get enough.

i'm picturing a classic fic blow-up thanks to beomgyu's rockstar past (?) clashing with taehyun's firm stance on open communication and no bullshit (the blow-up is nothing out of the usual for fic but bc i tend to really love Healthy Communication, i've never written this kinda conflict before but i do think it'll actually fit this au setup and not merely be an excuse for angst lol).

anyway, they totally break up over That Mess and cue beomgyu losing it a little. he gets drunk, writes songs about taehyun, implicitly dedicates those songs to him on stage. he hooks up with someone and feels fucking awful.

he ends up eventually (let's be real they'll probably only be broken up for like a month bc i can't do too much angst lol) doing some soul searching/reflecting on the past months with taehyun and realizing the error of his ways (and even as he was doing it, he was kicking himself bc he didn't even mean the words, he didn't wanna hurt taehyun but his mouth just started without his brain and heart's input rip).

meanwhile taehyun is totally heartbroken (while he seems fine on social media he's kinda falling apart irl) but he was always up front about what he needed from beomgyu if they were gonna do this and he won't bend his own needs and worth just to be with beomgyu.

obviously happy ending!!!! and you know i'll have to include some serious established relationship fluff to make up for all the pain :')

all of which to say..... like i know the premise is very similar to httbt and i feel like there's even more of a spotlight on it since it is obviously my most prolific work (which did also come from a chase atlantic song lmao) but there are differences too???? so like i should just write what i want right?? like especially because i'm worried about being too close to my own work, like it doesn't even matter? and there are some key differences? idk :( i just know i really like the idea.

[liopleurodean]

The Road So Far: Season Three

Well, another season completed, another recap post! Season 3 was full of angst and adventure, and I'm excited to share my thoughts.

One thing I have to say is that I feel like a lot of the conversations between the two brothers were kind of repetitive. At least once every three episodes, they argued about Dean going to Hell, using the same points every time. I'm not entirely sure that they were actually listening to each other.

On that note, I do think we got to see more of how close the two brothers really are. It's easy to be blinded by their arguments and wildly different tastes, but this season threw into light just how much they care about each other despite (and because of) their differences. We also got to see a lot more bonding between them, although it may have been slightly forced because of Dean's time limit. Nonetheless, seeing Dean teach Sam how to care for Baby and watching Sam take more of an initiative on hunts was fun, even if Sam's integrity might be compromised.

I think with Dean going to Hell, the writers really wanted to focus on him more this season (and I am TOTALLY okay with that). My favorite episode was 3x02 The Kids Are Alright, although 5 (Bedtime Stories), 8 (A Very Supernatural Christmas), 11 (Mystery Spot), and 13 (Ghostfacers) were all top contenders. 3x12 (Jus In Bello) gets an honorable mention for the death of Henriksen, a recurring character who really added to the show.

For being the shortest season, 3 really brought a lot to the table. Mystery Spot highlighted just how Dean's impending doom was affecting Sam, but it still managed to be absolutely hilarious. A Very Supernatural Christmas is an iconic episode, and it definitely made me cry (Dean Winchester deserves a hug). In The Kids Are Alright, we got to see more of Dean's softer side. I know Ben isn't his, but I still think they need to redo that DNA test (that kid is doing his level best to imitate Dean, even if he doesn't know it). Unfortunately, I don't think Dean would ever be able to settle down permanently with Lisa (although goodness knows he tries), but his relationship with Ben is heartwarming and it's evident that he would love to be able to have a family, despite his line of work. It's something new to see, given that most of his previous relationships have been one-night stands (barring Cassie).

I've talked a lot about Dean, so let's look at Sam! He's been acting really off this season, although a lot of it is excusable given the circumstances. He's been a bit more... feral, when it comes to hunting, and his moral compass has started to align more with Dean's (that is to say, in the right place, but by dubious methods). Incidentally, Dean seems to have become more righteous, as if the two brothers are swapping places. (I could write so much more about this, but I won't for your sake.) Sam's relationship with other people has also seemed to become more strained. Bobby is becoming more of a mediator between him and Dean, and Sam is now less likely to listen to Bobby's advice (even though by all rights he should be). He also trusts Ruby far too quickly (and I suspect I know why, although I'm not entirely sure of my answer). Overall, Sam has been pretty sketchy, and Dean seems to have taken up the slack of "responsible person."

As far as ranking the seasons, it's hard to choose. I'd put this solidly ahead of season 2, and I think I'd choose it over season 1. Although my favorite episode overall still remains as 1x12, season 3 has more quality content (despite its shorter size).

Next episode we get to meet Castiel for the first time, and I'm excited! Team Free Will is coming together, and the story keeps on chugging. Carry on!

[girlsgonemildblog]

What the Fuck Does “Sees My Heart” Mean? - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 3 Recap

Image from abc.com

This week picked up right where last week left off with Sarah “fainting”. I put fainting in quotation marks because based on how she acts throughout the rest of the episode, I seriously think she may have been faking it. (We all saw Bridgerton, sweetie.) I am not alone in this thought, either, as Anna and Victoria also indirectly accuse her of feigning her faint.

Sarah is totally fine and apologizes to the other girls for wasting time (her first apology of many). The rose ceremony carries on, and five girls are sent home; four irrelevants (Alana, Illeana, Kristin, and Sydney) as well as enemy-of-the-plastic-crown, Marylynn. Victoria’s talking head tells us that now that Marylynn is gone, she wants to get rid of Sarah next. Victoria is like a sniper picking the girls off one-by-one until she is the last woman standing (of course, she might meet a speedbump when she realizes Matt hates her).

Image from Twitter

The first date of the week is a group date, and to not-at-all-subtly advertise Chris Harrison’s new erotica-novel, the girls are tasked with writing self-insert fan-fiction about Matt. To top it off, they must read it aloud in front of each other, Matt, Chris Harrison, and previous contestant, Ashely I.,  as well as all the other girls who weren’t invited on the date. Katie, the girl who brought the dildo on night one, got really into it, as one would expect, and Victoria’s was so dirty that entire sentences need to be bleeped out. What we did hear included choking and hair-pulling (we do not kink shame here).

Sarah, who was not even on the date but was forced to watch from the sidelines, begins to fall apart. She says it’s hard for her to watch the other girls “be intimate” with Matt. By “be intimate” she means, “stand on stage while giggling over poorly written, nameless, third-person erotica.” I wonder if Kendall Jenner got jealous over fan fiction when she was dating Harry Styles.

The audience girls are dismissed, and we move on to the night portion. Don’t think this is the end of Sarah, though. No, she crashes the group date to tell Matt that him dating 20 other girls is hard for her. No shit. I love how every season, there seems to be one contestant who was not told the concept of the show before they started filming.

Unfortunately for Sarah, she picks the wrong girl to interrupt. Katie takes no shit. First, she goes to the other girls and lets them know what is going on so that they can all join her in being angry. Then, she returns and repeatedly checks in to make it clear to Sarah that she is not stealing all the time. As Sarah is (finally) going to leave, Victoria finds her out front and tells her that it was selfish to interrupt the date.

Image from knowyourmeme.com

Then, Katie comes out and much more eloquently explains to Sarah how her actions were rude. Rachael ends up getting the group date rose; I don’t even remember her and Matt talking, but I guess they did. Here’s her photo in case you (like me) forgot what she looks like:

Image from abc.com

 Anna (pictured below) then tells the camera that she has not spoken to Matt once since arriving and blames Sarah for this. It’s been three weeks though, at some point, it’s on you, Boo. She better get her time in at the cocktail party, or it’s curtains for her. 

Image from abc.com

The next day, Serena P. gets a one-on-one. When Matt arrives, he decides the best way to start a date with another girl is to go jump (literally) into bed with Sarah. Sarah then gives a class on Emotional Manipulation 101 and essentially makes Matt beg her to stay. To call her “needy” would be an understatement.

Image from abc.com

For the date, Matt and Serena (above) go horseback riding and then have a lovely picnic surrounded by nosy donkeys. It was adorable. Serena teaches Matt how to make the perfect charcuterie board, confirming that she is ready for the influencer lifestyle that comes from being on The Bachelor. Of course, based on his tweet last night, Matt might need another lesson.

Image from Twitter

During the night portion, they discuss past relationships, and Matt confesses that he doesn’t think he has ever been in love. Serena tells him that right now, she is “falling in like” with him but could see herself falling in love with him down the road. I like her, as does Matt, but this comment does make me worried that she might be too normal for the show. Matt gives her the rose, so she is at least safe for the next week.

Back at the chateau, Sarah, who had been hiding in her room all day, tries to sit down with the girls and apologize for the previous night. They are having none of it. When she remarks that she has made friendships with some of the women, Victoria asks, “who exactly are you talking about?” No one defends Sarah. She attempts to explain why she did what she did and how she is seriously considering leaving, but she also wants to pursue things with Matt. The girls tell her if she does choose to stay, they will make sure she does not feel welcome.

The next morning, Katie finds Sarah crying alone in a room (she put on a full face of make-up to do this). Katie tells Sarah that she needs to make a decision. If she is leaving, she is wasting Matt’s time that he could be spending with girls who are serious about the process. Katie also points out that if Sarah does have a strong connection with Matt, she needs to explore it until its end because Katie does not want Matt wondering “what if?” or to be Matt’s backup plan. Sarah opens up to Katie about how her dad has only a few weeks to live, and kudos to Katie for not asking her why she would even come on a reality show in the first place then.

Sarah eventually decides to leave, and Katie goes to the other girls to fill them in. Without giving any details, she explains that Sarah had other family stuff she was dealing with and that they all should have been nicer to her. If Katie doesn’t win this season, she’s my pick for Bachelorette.

Sarah goes to tell Matt good-bye, and he again begs her to stay (not good for the other girls). Despite her having assured Katie that she wasn’t leaving because the girls bullied her, she tells Matt that she was chased out by some “really nasty” people still left in the house. She doesn’t do him the courtesy of naming names, though, which means the next week or two will 100% be a witch-hunt. Matt then walks her out in the weirdest way possible.

 As she (fake) cries in the car, she tells the camera that she knows Matt let her go because he “sees her heart”. 

To summarize, the reasons Sarah said she was leaving were that she couldn’t stand watching Matt with the other women and because the other women made her feel unwelcome. Not because of her dying father, just so we’re all clear. Unfortunately, I doubt this is the last we’ll see of her this season.

[intrepidmare]

MARE'S RECAPS ~ THE MANDALORIAN: CHAPTER 9 "THE MARSHALL"

Oh wow! It's been a while since I've done something like this. Last year, I caught up with season 1 about 2 days before the finale, so I didn't have the opportunity to write reviews/recaps. This season, though, I'm going to 😀 so here it is the first one! 

For the folks that haven't seen the premiere and don't want spoilers, scroll past this, fast and furious, because it's full of them. If you want to blacklist tags to avoid spoilers from me, I suggest that you add #mando spoilers, #the mandalorian season 2 spoilers, and #mare's mando recaps to the list.

I've seen the episode a few times (yeah, I'm that obsessed with the show) so some of my reactions are more visceral than others since I was too excited the few first times I watched it and I missed a lot of details (another reason to rewatch the episode more than once). This recap is loooooong, which is an indication of how amazing it was.

So this my final warning to those avoiding spoilers. Stop reading, right now. The rest of you… enjoy and let me know if you share some of my opinions. I'm always open to chat 😊

Chapter 9 ~ The Marshall

So it begins! It's so exciting!

I knew that Mando and baby Yoda walking in the street at night was going to be the opening scene. I started to think about it after watching the second trailer, and I'm glad that I was right.

It turns out that the red-eyed creatures were not jawas as I saw some people saying.

Baby Yoda was not happy with the little excursion to the fighting arena. Not walking on the streets nor inside watching the fight. I still laughed when he locked himself up in the pram, even if I've watched the trailer like a gazillion times by now and I knew he was going to do it.

And talking about the baby, he's getting more vocal I think. He's making a few new noises, whimpering more, which I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. That he complains more means that he feels safe with his buir and isn't afraid of retaliation for it as he probably was with others in the past and the reason he didn't cry much in season 1. But it breaks my heart that he is stressed. And that child is anxious, I can tell you that much.

The fight with Gor Koresh's thugs was awesome! The gamorrean flying to squash Mando and failing had me cracking up. And omg! Din'd moves! Using his helmet as a weapon and throwing his vibroblade. And leaving Gor Koresh to be eaten! Man of his word, he didn't kill the guy.

On a side note, I would've never guessed it was John Leguizamo who gave voice to Koresh until I saw the credits. Of all the actors who could play the part, I never thought of him.

Umm, I'm curious about the time Mando has spent in Tatooine, which according to him it's been a lot and it makes sense since he knows so much about the Tuskens, their language and culture. I'm guessing he spent a while among them. He had to learn all that somehow. 

When I speculated that Mando was going back to Tatooine after watching the trailers, I said that I was going to riot if he didn't visit his favorite mechanic. Thankfully, I didn't need to worry. I loved Peli in episode 5 of season 1 and I loved her even more now remarking on Din's dislike of droids and trying to keep the baby for herself. Not to mention she complaining about not getting good help these days 🤣

And I ADORE the (improvised?) Birikad Din got for the baby. Of course, the baby is safer in the pram, right (guessing that's why he used it when he met Gor Koresh), but there's something sweet watching him carrying his son so close to him.

And I tell you, Mando has been spending credits lately in baby stuff. I mean, he got a new pram (which I initially thought it was the original that he had somehow retrieved from the garbage in Nevarro, but no, it's not the same, and neither it's the one that Kuiil made) and he also got the bag/birikad thing, which looks brand-new. I wonder what else he bought.

Watching the droids doing maintenance of the Razor Crest makes me think it's all for nothing, knowing that in a few episodes (it might be even in the next one) Mando is going to crash the ship. More than once perhaps.

😆 The baby still loves speed! I think riding on the speeder bike was the only moment that he truly enjoyed in this episode. Look at that happy face 

When they arrived at Mos Pelgo and Din went into the cantina, leaving the baby outside, I was like: Din! That's not responsible. How can you leave your son out in the inclement sun, alone! Then baby Yoda peeked in and I went: never mind. I take back what I said.

Oooh. Cobb Vanth! I love him! For a moment, I thought it could actually be Boba but it seemed illogical and that's what Mr. Feloni and Mr. Favreau wanted us to think. I was correct.

My gawd! Din's shock when Vanth took the helmet off. I just knew he would freak out the moment Cobb asked for drinks and I said to drink they need to remove their helmets and Mando is going to lose it when this guy does. And the standoff! Was so good! "Take it off or I will" is going to become a quite popular phrase in fics from now on, not in the same context, but yeah…

The krayt dragon… oh shit! Or rather Dank farrik! We can't see Mando's face or expression but I can imagine which one was when he saw the dragon eating the bantha the first time.

Oh my goodness. The baby hiding in the pot! Too adorable! 

I know every hardcore SW fan lost it watching Vanth modified speeder because is a callback to the Phantom Menace and Anakin but my first thought was: is he compensating for something? Sorry, I couldn't help it 

The dog-lizard creatures were kinda scary at first but then became adorable. Almost as much as baby Yoda getting out of hiding

Baby Yoda doesn't like dog-lizards things. He looked afraid to be eaten I think. Poor little guy.

And look at that! Din showing such growth! To think he was the one incensing others in negotiation 😆 this is a total callback to the jawas in Arvala-7. And I gotta tell you, Din freaking loves his flamethrower. He doesn't waste the opportunity to use it.

The krayt dragon eating the Tusken raider instead of the bantha was quite of a plot twist 😆

When they were planning the attack on the dragon, Cobb Vanth's face when Din told him that the bones and pebbles were to scale, and then when he had volunteered the villagers to help… priceless! 

I like the fact of banding together with others for a greater good, relying on others to accomplish something is going to continue being the theme of this season. It started last season but I think it's going to be stronger this time around along all of the episodes.

😳😲😳😲 this thing vomits acid?! What. The. FUCK?!!!

Cobb: I don't think it's dead

Mando: me neither

Me, at the same time as Din: yeah, nope it's not dead

Oh yeah! Teaming up with jetpacks!

When they showed the bantha with the remaining explosives my first thought was why didn't they use all those before?! That's why they didn't kill it!! Of course, it was just an excuse to grant Din a more grand win in the end, but you know, it's stupid not to use everything you have to kill the monster on the first try. Just saying

Wait, what? Din! What are you going to do? No! Taking care of the child is your responsibility, not Cobb Vanth's! I hate this plan of yours, Din Djarin!! Whichever it is!

Oh! Nice callback to the flaw on that jetpack. But makes me wonder, do all the rising Phoenixes have the same flaw? Cuz unless Din knows Boba in person and that it's his armor with that particular flaw, it means it's a common problem for all and I don't like it.

Get away, Din! Get away, Din!! FLY AWAY!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH! NOOOOOO! 

There he is! Damn, Mando! Don't scare me like that! Altho, it was a nice move.

Okay, but now I want someone to explain something to me. If the dragon's acid melted people at contact before, how the hell is Din so whole? I mean, sure for argument' sake let's say his beskar armor provides some protection, but he's not entirely covered in it. His cape and undersuit seem just fine, albeit sticky. Where's the logic in that?

The tuskens getting the pearl reminded me of the jawas and the mudhorn's egg, chanting zukka, zukka (or however egg is spelled in Jawa).

That's quite a piece of meat. The baby is going to be happy eating off it for days🤣

😮😮😳😳 BOBA FETT!!!!! Yesssssss!!

Okay, I've seen other people's thoughts and some think that Boba was after Cobb Vanth because he had the armor, but I don't know. If that was true then why he hadn't gone to Mos Pelgo and got it? It seems to me that it's more likely that Boba is following Din somehow because it's the second time in as many Mando's visits to the planet that they sort of cross paths. Could they know each other? Have some score to settle? It's possible. Din has spent much time on Tatooine -his words, not mine- so it wouldn't be so out of consideration that they actually know each other. That if Mando knows Boba is (fake?) Mando, I don't know. Probably not, but who knows?

Extra thoughts

I gotta say that Ludwig Göransson is killing it with the score music! Oh. My. God! So so so so good! I could tell from the trailers that it was going to be awesome this season but it astounded me in chapter 9. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous! My favorite piece is when they're going to the dragon's cave to kill it. The orchestral sound of the already familiar music blew my mind!

[beeprblog]

Beepr Goes To Shows: Governor’s Ball 2021.

In this first installment of Beepr Goes To Shows, I spent all 3-days at this years Governor’s Ball to give you crowd coverage you deserve and concert recaps/reviews you want. Stay tuned for more show write-ups and other updates!

Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist

What happens when you put two legends on the same stage? You get one hell of a fucking show. Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist were on another level that Friday afternoon, delivering classics from Madlib collaborative albums (Crime Pays, Fake Names, Palm Olive, Thuggin), recent singles from Freddie (Big Boss Rabbit, Gang Signs), and all your favorite offerings from Alfredo (Baby $Hit, Scottie Beam, Something To Rap About). The braggadocious swagger Freddie brings to the stage is tempered by Alchemist’s suave production and generally reserved demeanor, making them a very balanced performance. Despite being an acclaimed producer, you get the sense that The Alchemist is there to support Freddie rather than make the performance about himself. Freddie’s natural humor shines through in between songs, cracking jokes while taking tokes and hitting a bottle of Hennessy. Chants of “Fuck police,” cheers for the Alchemist, and concert-goers belting choruses created a deafening atmosphere, rivaling some sold out indoor venues I’ve visited. To call Freddie a cult artist would be disrespectful of all the mainstream achievements (Grammy nominations, cracking Billboard Top 25s, etc), and yet for some reason, he remains on the fringes of superstardom. Part of what people love about Freddie Gibbs is his larger than life personality, as he has an authenticity about him that’s naturally charismatic. If there’s anything I can be certain about after that set, it’s that Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist have undeniable chemistry and I hope they have more on the way.

Phoebe Bridgers

In January of 2018, a report from Nielsen Music identified that rap had surpassed rock in terms of overall music consumption. But Phoebe Bridgers will not allow her genre to go quietly into the night. She very well may be the next iteration of a rockstar. From her band all being in uniform, to the stage production, and most importantly, her diehard fans: Phoebe Bridgers is killing it in all aspects of the game. Apparently, I had been living under rock for quite some time as I only did a deep dive into her music when I saw her on the Governor’s Ball lineup announcement. How foolish was I? Phoebe has an incredible catalogue despite being only 27 (bolstered by her work with groups like Boygenius and Better Oblivion Community Center). Songs like Motion Sickness, Garden Song, and ICU feel more like Phoebe hosting a singalong, as the entire crowd is belting back each and every lyric at the top of their lungs with emphatic energy. Tracks like Kyoto also fall into that category, but there’s an immense rush of excitement as the brilliance of Bridger’s music blares through over the speakers for the chorus. Ballads like I Know The End are blissful moments of serenity, as I found myself swaying with my eyes closed in my little spot in the crowd. Her nonchalance in between songs is intoxicating, as it’s a beautiful contrast to her immensely emotive and personal performance. It’s so endearing to see past what’s on the outside and find an individual who profoundly cares about their work. What perhaps is most endearing about Phoebe’s performance is how she’s unabashedly herself: quips like “Fuck nihilism, too” are interjected in between songs, her outfit a glamorized rendition of the classic skeleton t-shirts. While I might have been late to the party in terms of the Phoebe Bridgers hype train, you can bet I’m going to be early to every one of her shows from here on out.  

A$AP Rocky

As Saturday night of Governor’s Ball was drawing near to an end, there were millions of individual conversations buzzing around in the crowd. But almost all of them were centered around one question: When will A$AP Rocky start? At 9:12pm EST, our question was answered, with a bang. Crowd surfing around in an inflatable car, bullhorn in hand, Rocky showed off some new sounds as unreleased tracks (Grim Freestyle amongst the slew of unreleased tracks) boomed over speakers. Mosh pits opened up left and right as the concert slowly evolved into a beautiful, New York block party-esque chaos. Hearing recent work like his features on Slowthai’s MAZZA and Famous Dex’s PICK IT UP were unexpected yet gratifying moments. But what really amplified the crowd was hearing some of the “older” radio hits. I can’t remember a time in recent memory when I’ve been as excited as when the first synths on LPFJ2 and Telephone Calls hit. Classics like Praise Da Lord and Yamborghini High ensured that there were no lapses in energy or excitement. Babushka Boi set the crowd ablaze, as the off-key notes intermingled in the beat acted as cues for the rowdy meter to kick it up a notch. Rocky even gave up some of his set to ensure the rest of the Mob was represented, as he had the DJ play Plane Jane by A$AP Ferg. The softer side of Rocky’s discography was met with equal anticipation as Sundress and A$AP Forever were met with exuberant cheers. Fully embracing his trippy side, after asking us if we liked hallucinogens, Rocky performed L$D to a roaring crowd (he also teased us with the unreleased Mushroom Clouds after asking us if we fucked with mushrooms too). During what felt like a showcase of the Harlem rappers’ ability to generate raucous ovation, the time had the crew informed Rocky his set had to be wrapped up. An earnest plea to keep it going was made, begging to at least get off Peso, but the euphoria was always going to be finite. It’s safe to say, anyone saying Rocky fell off is full of it.

Burna Boy

From start to finish, Burna Boy kept it hot. Bringing plenty of Nigerian flair to the CitiField air, I can safely say that Burna Boy’s set was one of the most enjoyable of the weekend. Even before he appeared, loud chants imploring him to take the stage could be heard ringing throughout the grounds. As his band and mom (who doubles as his manager) patiently waited, you could see them grinning and laughing as they knew we were in for a great show. Burna Boy then graced the stage and we were transported to another world, filled with laid back vibes, political protest, and triumph. Opening up with Gbona, it was apparent that the entire show was going to be electric. Hitting dance moves, grinning from ear to ear, it was obvious that Burna Boy planned on making a stellar first impression at the Governor’s Ball (he also earned major New York brownie points by giving us an animated performance of his velvety feature on Enjoy Yourself by Pop Smoke). Hearing some of my favorite songs live cemented them even further in the favorites category, as his performance adds another level of fun and personality. Collateral Damage, a beautifully subverted political protest anthem, felt truly harmonious as the entire crowd chanted the chorus with their fists in the air. As much as I love my AirPods, the heartfelt energy of both the crowd and Burna Boy I felt in the crowd during Anybody and Dangote could never be matched by speakers. Even the less upbeat songs (such as Wetin Man Go Do) he performed were met with incredibly cheerful reactions as. Live riffs from the band during some of his most popular singles added great spice for those who are familiar but equally exciting for new listeners. It’s apparent that there’s a great sense of camaraderie amongst the whole crew, that their main goal is to put on a memorable and joyous show. I can only hope that Burna Boy and the band make trips to the states more frequently.

Ellie Goulding

Have you ever felt the urge to forget everything that’s worrying you and just live in the here and now? Then you should go to as many Ellie Goulding shows as humanly possible. There’s a good chance you’re already familiar with some of her work (I’ll get to that in a bit), but it’s an entirely other thing to see her bring them to life. Hidden under the surface of a soft-spoken, singer-songwriter is a powerhouse performer, ready to give the show and attendees her everything. Watching her confidence grow during the set, seeing her come out of a shell that had likely developed as a result of not touring, was a beautiful sight to behold. In between comments about how grateful she was to be performing, quips about her outfit, you really got to watch her conviction begin to grow and take root. Anthemic at every instance, the crowd was equally ready to return the same energy Goulding graced us with. The only thing that was all over the place about her refined and poised performance was the eclectic mix of work she pulled from. From Lights (and yes, if you’re curious, that shit slapped) all the way up to her latest album, Brightest Blue, we got treated to the Ellie Goulding evolution set. Intermingling a solid slate of collaborations like Diplo’s Close To Me (I don’t know if I’ve ever sung along as fervently as I did for that one), Calvin Harris’ I Need Your Love (okay, I lied, this is the one where I lost my voice), and Major Lazer’s Powerful, there was a reference point regarding how they discovered Goulding for everyone in the audience. Hearing oldies like Aftertaste, Anything Could Happen, and Only You instantly transported me to simpler times, back when bills and deadlines seemed like an abstract concept. In another edition of music star leads a sing-a-long, the crowd could have taken over for Lights and Love Me Like You Do. Thankfully, we got to hear Ellie too. It’s a magical moment when a few hundred (maybe a full thousand) are all united by one common goal: to embrace the present and shower the performer with adoration in the form of knowing every lyric. Harmony amongst total strangers, tied together through a common love of music. Ellie Goulding gave us more than one of the best sets from the weekend, she gave us a sense of unity and togetherness unlike any other I’ve experienced.

Post Malone

When you find a superstar, with millions of fans and millions in the bank, that you feel like you can still crack open a crispy Bud Light, you’ve found something special. And we all know that Post Malone loves a cold one. The final chapter of Governor’s Ball 2021 ended with Post Malone’s Sunday night set, a perfect way to wind down the weekend. Opening up the set with an inquisitive “Hello?” to test out the mic, this show was one of the most authentic and down-to-earth concerts I’ve been to in quite some time. It almost feels like you’re just hanging out hearing some song ideas from your friend Austin Post, wearing some regular denim shorts and a “Where’s Waldo” style striped shirt, until the audible roars from the crowd of “Posty” remind you you’re at a headliner. Arguably the most larger-than-life aspect of Post’s set was his entrance on the stage, via a smoke-cloud suspended platform adorned with metal chains. With a healthy mix of beerbongs & bentley’s, Hollywood’s Bleeding, recent singles and old hits, Post Malone was showing us all of his repertoire. Chugging beers at the request of the crowd, checking in with all of us in between songs, calling for celebration and happiness, Post goes to great lengths to ensure that the crowd is with it and that everyone is having a good time. Tracks like Psycho were somehow both relaxing and energizing at the same time, as the chorus transformed the venue into an incredible echo-chamber. We also got to see how many friends Post has, as we got guest appearances from Young Thug (performing Goodbyes), Roddy Rich (gracing us with Every Season and The Box), and 21 Savage (to perform Rockstar, which Post Malone did his best to embody all night). With each feature, the crowd seemed to kick into another fear of excitement, but that’s not to say people didn’t lose it for some of Post’s solo work. Stay, which Post performed seated strumming an acoustic guitar, was as heartfelt as it could get in its stripped down state. Despite previously admitting to not being able to sing without autotune, you could see how much he cared about capping off the weekend right while performing that song (without autotune in an effort to be as real as possible). White Iverson and Congratulations were both barn-burners, as the whole festival grounds were chanting lyrics and bouncing along. After a very long weekend of raging and raving, Post Malone’s set managed to run through the whole gambit of festival emotions: joy, excitement, surprise, and relief. It’d be disingenuous to say anything other than Austin Post has mastered the art of headlining.

[precuredaily]

Precure Day 200

Episode: Yes! Precure 5 Go Go! 02 - “Nozomi and Coco - A Troubling Reunion” Date watched: 4 July 2020 Original air date: 10 February 2008 Screenshots Transformation Gallery Project info and master list of posts

yes, the whole episode is like this

So, full disclosure, the first time I watched GoGo I was kind of only half paying attention to it while I worked on other projects and I don’t remember the overarching plot that well. That may become apparent in my posts about this series. Just something to keep in mind.

If the first episode was a fun but talkative reintroduction to the world, this episode doubles down on the talk and halves the fun. The writing is weak and the art quality is weaker. It still has some heart, and helps to properly set up the conflict of the show, so it’s not a total loss, but these early episodes are missing some of the magic of the previous season. Let’s explore.

The Plot

After a brief recap of the previous episode, the girls admire their new outfits for a moment before snapping back to reality and fighting Scorp. They overpower him with their teamwork and then he declares he’s seen enough for now and leaves. After the dust settles, the girls greet Coco and Nuts and Dream gives Coco her letter, which he half-heartedly accepts and pockets without reading, prompting a silent glare from Nuts. The girls ask what’s going on, and Syrup is still taken aback by the whole ordeal. They regroup at the gazebo at Karen’s mansion for some good old exposition dumping. Nuts explains that the Rose Pact is the key to the Cure Rose Garden, a mysterious place nobody has ever been (so how do the know about it?). The power of the four monarchs of the territories surrounding the Palmier Kingdom is needed in conjunction with the Rose Pact to open the path to the Cure Rose Garden. They further explain why they’re back in the human world: the monarchs were visiting the Pamier Kingdom on a diplomatic mission, when they were attacked by Eternal, and are now hiding in the human world in the form of Palmins.

We cut to Eternal’s headquarters where a purple-haired woman named Anacondy is giving a tour to an unseen but familiar-sounding figure, explaining their corporate mission is to archive every valuable item from all of history (lofty goal). Scorp shows up in her office and explains that he found the Rose Pact, but he was unable to procure it due to the interference of Precure. Suddenly the mystery guest speaks up, admitting he’s scuffled with Precure before, and he is revealed to be none other than Bunbee, preparing for employment at Eternal. He explains how the Precures caused him trouble at his last job, but Anacondy just orders Scorp to go retrieve the Rose Pact with little regard for Bunbee’s words.

Back at the gazebo, the girls start to realize that Eternal is responsible for the attacks on both the Palmier Kingdom and Nozomi, and try to figure out what to do about it. Coco and Nuts need to contact the Palmier Kingdom to let them know what’s going on, so they ask if Syrup will deliver a message. However, due to some obvious friction between him and Coco he declines and flies off, so they focus on finding somewhere to live. Fortunately, Karen has just the place.

Some things never change

It’s not clearly established what happened to the old Natts House location, unless they explain it down the road in future episodes, but this is the new home base, and of course once again Karen presents it as a “small” spare warehouse her family owns, only for the others to protest that it’s bigger than their entire homes. Is it the same gag from last year? Yes. Does it still land? Also yes.

Anyway, the girls want to help tidy up the place, but Coco pushes them away and insists he and Nuts can handle it. That night, Nozomi is standing on her balcony in her pajamas, looking sad, when Syurp pays her a visit to chastise Coco’s behavior. She angrily defends his honor and slams her curtains closed, startling Syrup. Back at Natts House 2.0, Coco and Nuts take a break from cleaning to exposit some more, recalling a story about how the Cure Rose Garden produces both red and blue roses, and a new power emerges when they meet. Nuts surmises that the Rose Pact contains the power of the Red Rose, but isn’t sure what the Blue Rose is. The conversation shifts to their presence back in the human world, with Coco feeling guilty for dragging the girls into the conflict again, while Nuts reminds him that he wanted to see them anyway so he should make the most of his opportunity.

At a later day at Cinq Lumieres we see that Coco has resumed teaching under the guise of Kokoda Kouji. Things are still awkward between him and Nozomi, but she meets him in the library and they have a talk. He acknowledges her letter and her feelings, but stops short of telling her how he’s feeling. Syrup shows up and talks shit about Coco, who just gets sad again, but before they can talk things out, Scorp appears. Coco attempts to de-escalate the situation, but Scorp isn’t interested in chatter and he knocks all three of them back, reverting Coco and Syrup to their fairy forms. Nozomi takes a moment to give Coco the Rose Pact, instructing Syrup to carry him away to safety, and then she transforms. This time, Scorp doesn’t fight on his own, instead he pulls out a yellow and orange orb that he throws into a nearby bookcase, transforming it! 

Yes, these are our monsters of this show, called Hoshiina, which means “want” or “desire”. Cure Dream fights the Hoshiina, but it uses books as shields and whips and manages to throw her around. Coco approaches her, not having run away yet, and unloads his emotions on her, explaining how he feels guilty about dragging her back into the conflict, and inadvertently tormenting her by not communicating because he wanted to wait and show off the fully rebuilt Palmier Kingdom to her. She thanks him for being so concerned, and then the other girls turn up, having heard the commotion. They transform and so does Scorp. and they duke it out over Coco’s honor and intentions. Between blows they reiterate that they want to go to the Cure Rose Garden, they decided that themselves without his influence so he shouldn’t feel guilty, but they still want him to lend his power to make it possible to get there. The Hoshiina puts up a good fight with some diverse tactics, but the girls don’t lose faith and they manage to pin it down. Dream implores a relieved Coco that she wants them all to go to the Cure Rose Garden together, and then launches into her all-new finisher: Precure Shooting Star, where she flies directly into the Hoshiina, destroying it. Scorp flees.

Later, Nozomi and Coco have a heart-to-heart outside the library where he says he really appreciated the letter, but he isn’t sure what he can do to help them. Right on cue, Nuts shows up and explains what they CAN do: detect Palmins! There’s one nearby, and Coco guides Nozomi into catching it in the CureMo by taking a picture.

The girls all gather round to see what she captured, and it turns into.... a futon. Coco explains that there’s different kinds of Palmins, they’re not all disguised monarchs, but they may be useful down the road so it’s not a loss. They vow once more to find all the monarchs and go to the Cure Rose Garden together, as Syrup watches from a distance, still a little confused by their togetherness.

The Analysis

Credit where it’s due. In stark contrast to Max Heart, which had no idea what to do for a plot and just kind of meandered about for the majority of its run, GoGo is hitting the ground running. It has clearly and effectively established the objective (reach the Cure Rose Garden to meet Flora while rescuing the four monarchs along the way) and the conflict (Eternal, the company that wants to preserve everything). In fact I might even say there’s too much plot crammed into these premiere episodes. You’re absolutely inundated with information and it’s a lot to absorb, whereas the first series spread its exposition out over all the character introductions. GoGo could stand to slow down a little, and I think episode 3 still has more to give us yet. A lot of the middle of the episode is taken up with explaining who the villains are, how Coco and Nuts got back, and some private conversation about Precure’s new powers. The Precure were upgraded with the power of the Red Rose from the Cure Rose Garden, and the legend says the garden also grows blue roses. The audience has probably deduced that the mysterious girl in the opening has something to do with that, but I’m still going to pretend I don’t know about Milky Rose for a bit.

The dialog at least feels more natural in this episode, but it’s contrasted with the tension between Coco and Nozomi, which I don’t think was necessary except to add a little conflict. However, I can see the reasoning behind it. He cares deeply about Nozomi and everyone and he didn’t want to drag them back into his and Nuts’s battle, he wanted them to continue to be ordinary girls living their ordinary lives, worrying about school and their hobbies and interests. He feels like it’s his fault they’ve transformed again whether they wanted to or not. However, Nozomi and the others explain they want to go to the Cure Rose Garden and are more than happy to help Coco and Nuts out along the way. Knowing that they don’t feel burdened by him helps put Coco’s mind at ease and he cheers the girls on. From the real-world writers’ perspective, it’s  a pretty stark reversal of his personality from the first season and as I suggested, is probably there to have some drama. Normally Nuts is the moody one, but his character arc last season was all about opening up and being helpful and taking things in stride, so now it’s Coco’s turn to be the dramatic one, though in his case it’s based on concern rather than past betrayal. They seem to have resolved it in this episode, we’ll see whether it carries forward or not. However, there’s still a lingering mystery about his past with Syrup, as the latter seems to resent him, and that will definitely carry us for a bit.

The fights in this episode are great, especially the second one. The first is brief but to the point, filled with dynamic team kicks to throw Scorp off his rocker. The later fight is for all the marbles, and the fairies get caught in the crossfire. It’s a struggle but the girls come out on top with the strength of their convictions and some fast thinking. Despite being a few months since they’ve been at it, clearly the girls haven’t gotten rusty. If anything they’re faster than before, or maybe that’s just the early animation budget. It’s evenly balanced between physical and ideological fighting as the girls try to convince Coco that they’re not upset at him, and explain to Scorp why they care about Coco. The Hoshiina is pretty creative for a first enemy, using books as swords, whips, shields, arms, and legs at different times. It spins itself around at high speeds to avoid attacks and gives the girls a good fight. For their part, they use a lot of flying punches and kicks to wear it down and Dream gets in a particularly good one-two combo before her finisher. Speaking of which: Dream’s new solo attack! I liked Dream Attack and its successor Crystal Shoot, but Shooting Star is next level. She FLIES DIRECTLY INTO THE ENEMY? It’s like Five Explosion but as a solo attack and it’s totally badass. We’ll get to see more of the others’ attacks in the coming episodes, of course. Once again it’s a while before they get their group attack, so enjoy the solos.

The artwork this episode is, unfortunately, laughably bad. I mean come on it’s only episode 2, you’re not supposed to have the super off-model shots until later in the show. And yet....

These faces are laughable. Misshapen, disproportionate, or just blank stares. It’s not the entire episode but it’s present at key moments throughout and it takes away from the experience. I looked ahead and actually Milky Rose’s debut is also pretty bad so maybe they were in a rush with the early part of this show.

Now, it wouldn’t be Precure without some good old fashioned merchandising, and we’ve got a brand spanking new toy to sell in the Curemo! The extended sequence of Coco walking Nozomi through the process of capturing a Palmin is also promotion for kids to buy the toy and see what they can do with it. It’s a little fancier than the Pinky Catch from last year, taking the form of a pink flip phone, but it also has a swivel hinge, similar to the Heartful Communes from Max Heart.

The top of it has a grid design with depictions of the five butterflies of the Palmier Kingdom, and on the lower left is an emblem of a rose. When it’s opened, it has a blue-green screen surrounded by pink, and the body where the keyboard would be just has three buttons, shaped like a rosebud and two leaves, and some stem designs etched in beneath that. It’s a much more involved toy than the Pinky Catch, at least visually, and I’m here for it. While the Pinky Catch could only open and close, the CureMo also has a rotating screen as mentioned, which lays into the capture gimmick. The user rotates the screen sideways and snaps a picture of the Palmin, similar to a real cell phone, which is then scanned into the device and turns into its true form. It looks neat and it compacts nicely, blends into their world well, so I think it’s effective as a device. I do find it funny how heavily the Palmin capture is emphasized and how blatantly similar it is to last season’s Macguffin quest, but that’s the business, I’m not going to dwell on it too much.

Despite some major hiccups after a bumpy premiere, GoGo 02 is still a pretty good episode overall. The characters are starting to settle into their new roles and we’re learning about the conflict. If the animation smooths out then the show will be off to a strong start.

Next time, Mailpo appears! What’s a Mailpo? Wait and find out! Look forward to it!

Pink Precure Catchphrase Count: 2 kettei!

[365days365movies]

February 15, 2021: Call Me by Your Name (Part 2)

I’m back! OK, now, where were we? Ah, yes, the inevitable first kiss! Let us continue. First part of the Recap is right here!

Recap (2/2)

So, about that kiss. Oliver indulges that (and some similarly forward moves by Elio), but does note that they can’t embrace those feelings any further. However, that’s not really going to stop much, it would seem.

See, they drive back, and some family members are over at the Professor’s place, arguing about something. This is accompanied by a spontaneous nosebleed of Elio’s, which he’s apparently prone to, and he runs into the house to get some ice. He’s followed by Oliver, who gives him a foot massage to calm him down. Not helping with the whole “we can’t be together” thing, Oliver, my Lord.

After this Chiara and Marzia come over, and the group go to a local pool which is...VERY green. Like, concerningly so. But anyway, Elio returns home, where his mother asks if she like Oliver (and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mean as a friend), and she notes that Oliver likes him in return. Damn, progressive mom for the 1980s, but that may also be because she’s French, to be fair.

For the rest of the day, Elio waits around for Oliver, and when he does return home, he chooses not to talk with Elio, who labels him a “traitor.” Time for the falling out phase of their relationship, before their relationship truly begins.

The next night, Elio goes on a date with Marzia, and the two have sex, which Elio seems to enjoy quite a bit. It’s weirdly charming, also? Not sure how to explain that, you’ve gotta watch it. It just has this very real nuance to it that I appreciate. But afterwards, Elio writes a message to Oliver, whom he’s tired of getting the silent treatment from.

However, the next day, the Professor and Oliver are looking at new images from their archaeological site, and the entire conversation is VERY obviously laced with homoerotic dialogue and innuendo, which the Professor seems to be TOTALLY aware of, for the record. Elio finds that Oliver’s left a note for him, telling him that they’ll meet at midnight.

But before midnight, Elio and Marzia have a little rendezvous once again, if you know what I mean. This is followed by a visit from a relative (not sure the relation, didn’t catch that, sorry), and his male partner. Which, yeah, is neat to see. Looks like the Perlmans are quite progressive, especially given the time period. Honestly, that’s a welcome break from Brokeback Mountain.

But, uh, here’s the thing...it’s midnight now. And Elio and Oliver hve been checking their watches for the entire day. And, uh...let’s just say that the sequence is detailed in its elicitness. This movie’s rated R for a reason, after all. Well, eventually, anyway. It’s awkward at first, and takes them a bit to, uh, get started. And when they get started...they get STARTED.

But during the process, Oliver asks that they swap names. In other words:

Call me by your name, and I’ll call you by mine.

OK...but why? I guess we’ll eventually find that out. But it’s definitely an interesting request. Anyway, the next morning comes, after a night of guys bein’ dudes. That Vine reference comes from my girlfriend. Say hello, girlfriend.

She says hi. That next day, the two go biking, they go swimming in a lake, and things seem...tense. Smething about what had happened last night is eating away at Elio, and Oliver asks if he’s going to hold it against him. Looks like it’s Elio’s turn to provide the silent treatment for...whatever reason. The GF seems to think that somebody didn’t, uh...finish, and their interaction seems to confirm that.

However, they get past these initial awkwardness, and head into town to do errands together, where Oliver reveals that he’s happy the previous night happened, and that he was worried that he’d mess Elio up, psychologically and emotionally. But it doesn’t seem the case, and they start to actively embrace their relationship. 

 But things aren’t...perfect for Elio, from a sexual standpoint. Whatever happened the previous night may have him feeling a bit unsatisfied. Enter...the peach. Possibly literally.

Yeah, so Elio picks this peach, and is initially about to eat it, going straight for the pit. And then, the peach goes away from the mouth...downwards...into the pants. And can I just say..that’s gonna be SO sticky. And, uh, not in the sexual way, I mean LITERALLY that’s gotta be so sticky. Also, do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants. Quote from the GF, that one.

Later on, Oliver finds the fruit and chides him about it. Elio asks whether he’s sick. And I say, no. You’re 17. Lot of hormones in there at 17. I mean, did I ever give the sexy eyes to a drupe at any point in my teenage years? I mean no, admittedly I did not. But, y’know, it’s 17. He’s still figuring shit out.

Anyway, stupid jokes aside, this chiding kinda FUCKS Elio up for a sec, as he’s legitimately ashamed of that action. Oliver comforts him, and the two have a heart-to-heart about what little time they actually have left. Oliver admits that he didn’t act on his feelings earlier because he was afraid of it being perceived as a form of molestation. And...yeah, fair, even I pointed that out earlier.

The next morning, who should show up but Marzia, who has heard from him at all in three days! WHOOF. She’s understandably heartbroken, as she’s trying to understand their relationship, and Elio’s COMPLETELY cut her off of that. Which, fuckin��� OW. Kids. Accidental cruelty runs par with the course sometimes.

Time grows short for the two, and Elio’s folks encourage him to go on a small trip with Oliver to the city of Bergamo. They’re DEFNITELY aware of their relationship, and super-supportive. And that’s honestly pretty goddamn sweet, I think. Elio goes on the trip, and they have a legit vacation together in a very nice locale.

The two go out one night, and Elio vomits for...some reason, I’m not entirely sure why. But it is enforcing my beliefs that Chalamet is just a sickly Victorian boy slowly dying of consumption, who was somehow transported into the future I WILL PROVE THIS THEORY IF IT KILLS HIM. BY THE CONSUMPTION

Well, the two spend three days together, and then...it’s over. Oliver leaves to go back home to the USA, and they say goodbye at the train station. And Elio’s kind of...broken. He calls his mom to pick him up, and she agrees. On the way home, he breaks down in the car, clearly heartbroken by the departure of Oliver.

When they get back to their village, Marzia greets him, and says that she understands how he feels, and that she forgives him. I like Marzia a lot, honestly. The two agree to be friends for life. It’s very sweet.

But sadly, it’s inevitably little comfort for Elio, who’s deep deep DEEEEEEP in depression over a love departed too soon. His father talks to him, and notes that the two had a nice friendship. However, it’s quite quickly revealed that he understands exactly what their relationship was in full. In fact, it’s implied that he had a relationship VERY much like Elio had in his youth. And this speech that he gives...FUCK ME, man I DREAM of eing a father this understanding and supportive! Hopefullly one day I can be, but I don’t think it’ll measure up to this.

Summer turns to fall turns to winter, and Hannukah is here! Oliver calls the house, and Elio answers the phone. However, while the initial greeting is happy, it’s quickly tempered by another set of news: Oliver’s engaged. To a woman with whom he;s been in an off-and-on relationship for 3 years.

And I was ALL SET to be pissed off by YET MORE INFIDELITY...but it seems like they might have been off at the time, so I’ll let this one slide with HOPEFUL THOUGHTS THAT OLIVER WASN’T CHEATING ON HER. Anyway, Elio whispers his own name into the phone, to which Oliver responds with his name, acknowledging and affirming their summer love. They get off the phone and Elio stares into the fireplace and cries, remembering the love they felt for each other.

And that...is Call Me By Your Name. Also, I want to note that he’s staring into the fireplace over the ENTIRE CREDIT SEQUENCE, followed by his smile and staring directly into the camera. Goddamn, people, I get it! I get why you all love Chalamet so goddamn much, he’s amazing. But, of course...I’ll get to that in the Review. See you there!

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales (Comic) Reviews!: Happy Happy Valley!/Fight! (Issue #4)

My first look at the IDW Ducktales Comics! And for a comission by @weirdkev27​! Seriously he’s basically my boss at this point. If you’d like to comission your own comic or animation review just pm me or shoot me an ask to get my discord. Single stories for a comic are 3 bucks, single comic issues and single episodes of a show are 5 bucks with deals on multiple issues or episodes of a show. With my shameless plugging out of the way the stories themselves are:

Happy Happy Valley! (The Comissioned Story): The Main Cast sans Beakly end up stranded at a resort where everyone’s forced to be happy all the time. A classic trope with a twist ending you can’t predict.. mainly because it’s.. 

Fight!: The boys have a garage sale with stuff from the broom closet to raise money for Huey’s woodchuck trip. Naturally this quickly snowballs into a samurai fight to the death. 

Wonders, a full recap with spoilers, and extreme stupidity await bellow the cut. 

After a quick commission break for this week’s episode I’m back in the saddle and back into comics no less! It’s been exactly a year since I’ve done a single issue comic review. Oh sure I looked back on house of x, and will again next year, and I do want to cover Empyre at some point and some other comics, but I haven’t done a full recap of a single comic book in some time. But the first story of this issue  really, REALLY confused and infuriated Kev, and rightfully so, so I got the commission call, and of my own volition I’m doing the second story entirely for free. I just wanted to do both for completion’s sake and because when I did read this comic I remembered the stories not being very long so it gives me more to write anyway. And if your curious yes I would gladly review classic Don Rosa, Carl Barks or really any duck writer’s work on a story by story basis, it just works easier to do the Ducktales issues all in one since their both more recent and I don’t have to go back and do it later if, once i finish seasons 1 and 2 at some point in the distant future, I decide to do this series too as well as the Sound and Fury mini that was clearly used to offload stories they had left over. 

As for my experience with these comics I DID read them when they started out. .but quickly petered off and never even got around to this story, I remember reading page one but never read the rest of it. Part of it is I tend to flitter in and out of comics and part of it was the stories just weren’t that gripping, with the characters often feeling like flatter versions of the far more multi-layered one’s in the show proper and the stories being a bit too short to properly flesh things out like the show, especially since for some weird reason each issue has two stories instead of having one big story on occasion. They weren’t bad and there is a story or two I want to go back to like Lena and Webby being spies together, Fethry and Fenton have a story together apparently, we get an early look at Della, and there’s one where Bradford hints at them plotting against scrooge long before the show revealed it. There’s some interesting stuff I might look at eventually, I just have a LOT of show to get through too, and i’m not going to pidgenhole the entire series as bad or lackluster based on a few early issues.. or one story in this issue. But yeah i’ve held it off long enough.. let’s talk about 

Happy Happy Valley!

First off the titles for these are .. pretty lack luster. Their basically just what the stories are about.. Happy Happy Valley and a Fight, that’s.. about it. I didn’t realize just HOW awesome the show is at titles, making each sound like a thrilling and unique adventure which they usually are, until I got to here. It feels like IDW, and by extentsion disney, didn’t care what the stories were called and just wanted a comic out to tie into the show. Which bothers me when they put this on IDW, clearly having a release platform for disney works.. but didn’t bother to use it for their Darkwing Duck comic continuing from the original, the reprint of the BOOM! Studios comic, or the short lived Star VS Comic Deep Trouble, which I will be covering at some point as it was pretty good. Same with the Boom! Studio’s darkwing, I just want to watch more episodes before revisiting it. Point is the title isn’t great. The story is even less than that. 

We open properly with our heroes.. all woken up from their beds in the middle of the night for an adventure. It’s not a bad start, though Louie weirdly starts in constantly about how Scrooge’s rich and can do this and that and Subtley dosen’t exist in this story does it?  Anyways, later, far away from Louie’s bed.. that’s the caption they go with and I love it, the Sunchaser suddenly stops working and Launchpad’s crashing skills come in handy, 

This isn’t a bad scene as Donald brings up good points and likely has his own “times he’s been nearly sacrificed tally” like Louie.. and Della likely also said “Della’s coming out on top!” when her total went into triple digits. Also  “When your rich you can even buy luck launchpad”

It just.. dosen’t fit Scrooge at all.. granted this issue hasn’t BEGUN to not fit Scrooge at all but let’s save that for the end. Anyways rather than hostile locals they find Gladys Seeya, good pun, an overly smiley woman whose eager to please and just wants everyone to be happy and has them carried because tired people aren’t happy. Yeah it’s suspcious as heck and a well worn trope, really nice place with a dark secret, to the point the series proper would parody it in the Mervana episode, and subvert it by having them turn out to just be very nice hippies who i’m still convinced had a three way with Donald... I mean he could use it, they were really nice, and Donald is probably very generous. That’s something you didn’t want to think about but now you have to and it’s there. If you GENUINELY think that’s bad, then you should hear about Goofy’s sex life. 

See way more horrifying. Now everyone’s miserable! Horay! Moving on, point is Donald had a mer-three way and this is a well worn trope, but it is used in an interesting way.. that’s entirely ruined by the stupid ending, but we’ll get to that.  Point is everyone is soon happy, given a buffet, all the food they can eat, and whatever they want. They just want you to be happy.. no secret plot here.. wink. Louie continues his annoying “Every rich person gets X” schtick which feels forced as hell and gets worse with every line and more obvious. It’s one of the weaknesses with this story. It’s basically the writers constantly elbowing you and saying GET IT.. YOU GET IT.. BEING HANDED EVERYTHING YOU WANT IS ANNOYING GET IT. YOU GET IT.  The problem is.. the Island’s moral dosen’t fit that. Kev  helped here as we discussed the issue once I finished it, as I hadn’t thought of it yet, but the valley isn’t about giving you everything you want.. it’s about just FORCING you to enjoy things. Sure you can be happy off some things like the food but when Donald politley declines to dance because he can’t, which tracks with his life in general, they basically all glare at him to do so. Later they basically force acvitites on them with the ducks only agreeing because clealry they worry about what might happen if they DON’T. Telling someone to smile or enjoy something dosen’t make them enjoy it it just makes them miserable. Problems are 1, the issue very clearly WANTS to have the other moral and 2) the series would do this kind of story MUCH better with “Mystery at McDuck Manor!”. That’s not on the writers fault, as this comic started right before the show premiered and this issue came out before said episode, but it really doesn’t help the show came along with the same exact moral of not forcing your idea of fun on someone else and did it WAY better. It’s the same message, the ducks being forced to endure something only one person thinks is fun, but delivered right and wrapped into a very clever and fun mystery. Honestly I might cover that one this week or sometime soon because it both fits the Halloween season and this issue if nothing else reminded me how good THAT episode is. 

But I’m stuck doing this issue. Naturally, and in one of the issues few clever moments, the Ducks try booking it out of there as soon as they can but find their raft gone, and a ring of sharks suddenly there that weren’t before, and Donald understandably doesn’t want to risk the kids lives with that. Thankfully Webby soon comes up with a plan using the activities, and uses a napkin to get it around. This bit.. is actually clever as they use the various bits to get a plan and even Huey has a really clever bit where he just leaves his hat and shirt behind to go looking for the generator, likely on Webby’s request, knowing his brothers can just play him once in a while to draw suspicion. Also apparently Huey wears a tank top under his shirt, which looks weird on him, as he’s not the sporty type, but does fit his “always prepared” mindset well so I like it.  Using Basket weaving and balloon decorating, they create a way out, and Webby ties up their host while everyone escapes. They nearly don’t fit out but luckily Donald contributes. And again i’ll give the story this: Donald does more in this one story than he got to do in the vast majority of season one.  So our heroes escape with other patrons begging them to take them with them and the stories apparently wrapped up. The generator Huey found was to show the sharks were just holograms which given the science in this world makes sense, as does it jamming the sunchaser. What doesn’t make sense, and what got me my three bucks for this review in the first place is this. I”m putting the full picture there both so you can let it sink in and to let you know, since most of you probably haven’t read this comic, that i’m not making this shit up, nor is it one of my jokes. This .. this is the actual twist for the comic. 

...................................................................................................

 This is probably the thrird dumbest line in comic book history. Before you ask the other two are

And why yes those are both from the series. And why no I will not be covering All Star Batman and Robin unless someone forces me too.  My point is WHAT THE FLYING HELL IS THIS.  I mean this makes NO sense on any level. For STARTERS one of Scrooge’s most well known traits, that’s part of his character in every version is that he doesn’t like to spend money. He will to MAKE MONEY and sometimes grumble about it but if he doesn’t. Even if season 1 had it dialed way back, he still reused his old teabags, charged extra on his in house vending machines and tried to get out of buying burritos for recently freed slaves. Being cheap is an iconic part of his character. Granted the series took out things from the comics and original like underpaying employees, barely paying Donald even though in the comics he supports three children, as well as barely paying those children, and refusing to donate to orphans, but still it’s not THAT so far removed that THIS is remotely in character! He had to either buy this old resort or have it renovated to keep up the ruse, pay for the creepy lady running it, pay for the other guests as actors because otherwise his hired minion KIDNAPPED people who were begging for escape, pay for the activities/escape supplies, and pay gyro to build the GIANT GENERATOR THAT BOTH PROJECTS SHARKS AND MAKES TECHNLOGY NOT WORK. While I do think Scrooge would gladly want to teach Louie a lesson, this is a lesson that at best costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not at least a million to pull off.  And that’s not even getting into how he forced everyone else to go with it, denied them a good night’s sleep and clearly told NONE of them. Beakly not being there actually makes more sense as she would’ve noped out of this horrible horrible idea and bonked him on the head for this. It makes no sense and it’s GROSSLY out of character. And while I’m used ot that from comics, writers often don’t give a shit about the characters their writing, I expect better from DISNEY when it comes to lisencing shit. They’ve done better. I’ve mentioned better and even SINCE this they’ve done better: Christos Gage’s Incredible’s Comics are excellent and I want to read more of them. And the previous run by mark waid is also suitably incredible, if now sadly no longer canon.  And even in this very ISSUE there’s a much better, if not amazing, story we’ll get to in a moment. I get disney’s greenlit weak tie in material before but this is ridiculously bad and shoddy. Shame on them, shame on the writer, and shame on this INCREDIBLY stupid story. We get an everybody laughs ending, who cares. we’re out. 

Final Thoughts for Happy Happy Valley: 

I don’t have much less to say about this story. This about sums it up. 

Fight! 

We open with a samurai.. though it quickly turns out to be Dewey with a mop on his head hitting Louie with a broom while saying Two Damage! Two Damage! and already in one scene this is so much better and feels so much more natural. Naturally this story has a different writer. The artist is different for both too, and the art is good on both though I do prefer the art for “Fight!” more as it’s a bit more expressive. Though it also benefits from having less characters to juggle so that probably helps.  The boys are having a Garage Sale, or Yard Sale as some call it. As a huge fan of Garage Sales, I’ve gotten tons of stuff from them over the years and good shit too like my G1 Snarl, or even just recently a three in one of the first three loud house Graphic Novels for a freaking quarter. You REALLY can’t beat that. It’s why I love these things. So this story already had my money. As for why, Huey needs money for the Junior Woodchuck Camping trip. How else is he going to hold hands iwth Violet and Boyd under a tree. Wait neither of them existed yet.  Damn. Well i’m retconning that in anyway. If they can retcon the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver not to be mutants, which If eel is getting undone VERY soon, or if not Hickman will use that well, I can retcon this to taking place in season 3. Plus i’ts all very wholesome and innocent... their only eleven. 

But yeah Scrooge in a nice moment if an off-screen one gave them the contents of the broom closet.. which is really just a bunch of old used up brooms, some buckets and other cleaning supplies. Probably stuff Beakly rarely uses or has long replaced and if not.. well he’ll have to pay for them himself won’t he. Unlike the above clusterfuck this.. feels entirely in character. Scrooge likely apricates that Huey is working hard to EARN the money for his trip and that his brothers are helping, especially Louie since he gets nothing out of this unless they go over what Huey needs. But also being Scrooge he still only gives them some old Junk.  But Louie, being louie easily scams a guy into paying 15 bucks for a broom. Still this is slow progress and if Huey wants to be with his poly relationship he’s gotta step it up. Luckily, and naturally given this is Scrooge’s closet, they find an old Samurai helmet, which Huey feels could be worth millions. granted...

But eh it’s going to a good cause, tiny children holding hands by campfires, and when has common decency EVER stopped Louie? Dewey though, wants to start a collection of war stuff.. starting with this. It’s part of why I LIKE the story better: not only does it have much better dialouge but it’s actually rooted in the characters instead of “One trait of Louie’s cranked up to 50 and drilled into our heads”. Huey is trying to earn money for the woodchucks, Dewey only wants something for petty reasons and Louie wants money. It feels like the actual characters and not just cutouts and makes me wnat to read more stories in the hopes of finding more like this.  Anyways naturally nothing Scrooge has in any of his storage areas of the mansion tha’ts ancient isn’t cursed, magical or really neat to look at, and the helmet comes to life as they fight over it, and the helmet clints to Dewey, who talks in a deep red voice calling himself Ronnith of the Twin Samurai. The name.. isn’t great but the concept is. Thankfully Huey knows what it is thanks to the guidebook. and just like the Donald bit last episode this one story gets the guidebook better than season 1 did a lot.  Turns out the twin samurai were two brothers who hated each other and always competed for their mothers affection.. their mother was also forced to sell her beautiful sculptures for next to nothing after their father left. Instead of going after him though they both blamed each other as teens when invaders struck and burned everything including their mom I guess down, and fought the rest of their days, and while Ronnith never settled things due to growing too old, his spirit, and his intense hate, went into his helmet which now curses any brothers who fight over it to fight with the looser turning into a statue. 

Naturally no one wants this but Dewey can’t get the helmet off and Ronnith possess him to destroy the guidebook.. though Huey explains it’s his “third backup copy” which.. yeah again like the tank top thing tracks. Ronnith then manifests armor on Louie and we get the image above.. which is really neat. With Ronnith forcing the two to fight each other, Huey searches for a way to stop it. And while he can’t find it he does figure it out and the solution is REALLY clever: Just as Ronnith’s about to kill Louie, with Dewey apologizing.. Huey blocks. And Ronnith is naturally confused and upon finding out there’s a THIRD brother, the curse dissipates and thus everything’s back to normal. And wrapping things up nicely a guy shows up to buy the helmet and while Dewey tries to just give it away Louie says it’s free with purchase of a bucket for 50 bucks so Huey has his money to go on his romantic camping trip.. though he does ask if hte guy has a brother.. best be safe.  Final thoughts on Fight!: It’s like night and day. While the previous story is stilted, has one of the worst endings in duck history and overall is just kind of bland outside of one or two moments this .. is really good. It doesn’t add much to the world or anything, but it’s a fun side story with a clever monster of the week and resolution, some great lines and some good art. This is what should’ve lead the issue, as the main story is again just dreadful. Overall i’d recommend checking this story out.. though maybe get in in trade instead as the A-Story here is really bad, but you can find both on comixology and this issues on comixlogy unlimited if you want to check it out along with a ton of other great comics. 

That does it for this review, if you liked this I do regular coverage of ducktales every week, I JUST COVERED THIS WEEK’S EPISODE YESTERDAY.  So check that out and until next time vote if you can and check your house for Gary Busey!

[alexannah]

MLB: Character Theory

***season three spoilers***

I’m no psychologist, but I’ve had some thoughts about Chloé Bourgeois that have made me look at her in an entirely new light …

First of all, let me say that this is entirely speculation. I’m not saying this is definitely canonical. But it’s a thought that occurred to me when I started exploring a plot idea last night, and it’s certainly an interesting way to consider Chloé’s character. (But the more I think about it, the more I believe it.) (Also after writing all of this, it occurred to me to do a Tumblr search to see if someone had got there before me. Although some of this has definitely been touched on, I haven’t found anything which puts it all together.)

Chloé became added to my list of favourite characters very recently (a couple of weeks ago), despite what happened in Miracle Queen. Actually if it hadn’t been for that episode, she might not have done; which sounds weird, but although I warmed up to her a lot in season 2 and loved the development of her character we saw in that, I wouldn’t have called her one of my favourites until the urge to write her a redemption arc struck. (And I am. Several. But, not the point of this post …)

Anyway, so this theory is about why she is the way she is. And I know we already have plenty of canonical evidence for that, but I’m going to dig a bit deeper …

To recap the obvious:

André Bourgeois. He’s spoiled Chloé rotten by giving her anything she wants, and has no backbone whatsoever, so the few times he’s not sure about giving into her demands, he usually does anyway. The only time I can think of when he does say ‘no’ is when she demands he close down the school, and then right afterwards when she and Audrey decide to move to New York. Giving your child whatever they want is terrible parenting enough on its own, but since he’s the mayor, she ends up getting whatever she wants from other people as well just by threatening to call “my daddy”. Case in point: Despair Bear, when everyone’s punished except her, the actual culprit. He abuses his own power for her, as evidenced in Rogercop; and yet I headcanon that the reason he said no in Malediktator was because he knew that closing a school down just because his daughter told him to would cause an uproar, and he was too afraid of losing his position. Also why he didn’t want to go to New York, because he loves his power too much.

Now Audrey Bourgeois. She comes on the scene not long after the first sign of Chloé character development we get, which I bet is no accident. She’s also a power abuser, firing people without a second thought for minor or even non-existent crimes, including people she has no actual power to fire. She has a huge ego, demands the best, and basically is a total bitch. If it wasn’t obvious enough from all of that that Chloé mimics her, the fact that they have the same catchphrase basically seals it.

(Now I’ve added that picture, and look: she is literally mimicking her mother.)

So on one hand we have a parent who panders to Chloé’s every whim, and on the other we have one who sets a terrible example of how to treat other people.

But I’m beginning to think there is more to Chloé’s bad behaviour than that.

We know that, at some point before the show began, Audrey took off for New York. We don’t know when exactly that was, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it was several years ago. Chloé herself says that she “felt so sad”, which is completely understandable, even if they didn’t have the most loving relationship. (Which they obviously didn’t.) We can only guess whether or not they had any contact while Audrey was away, but if they did, I doubt it was very much. Even when Audrey comes back, at least at first, she’s dismissive of Chloé, ‘firing’ her for something as trivial as her choice of gift wrap, getting her name wrong repeatedly (which I’ll come back to in a moment), and she clearly struggles to say the words “I love you”.

I don’t think anyone would disagree that’s pretty neglectful behaviour. And Chloé’s response is pretty heartbreaking. Despite her mother having left her and ignored her for goodness knows how long, she still gets her a gift (this being a girl who doesn’t even get gifts for Adrien herself—it’s possible she had Sabrina get this one too, but I don’t think so), and tries to impress her. When Audrey eventually does accept her, it’s only because she realises Chloé is “just like” her. That’s not unconditional love.

(On a side note, I think it was pretty sweet of Marinette to do that, though in the end I don’t think it was particularly good for Chloé’s character development. But that’s not the point of this post.)

It makes sense for a child who’s been abandoned by a parent to have some abandonment issues, and this is where I finally get to the point! See, I think there’s more to Chloé’s bad treatment of other people than simply mimicking her mother, or because she holds herself above them, or just doesn’t think of other people’s feelings. I think those things are all true, but I also think there is another reason, and that is a fear of getting close to people. A subconscious one, most likely, but one that results in her intentionally keeping people at an emotional distance.

There is one particular reason I think this, and that is Butler Jean. One of his lines from Despair Bear: “I’m sure mademoiselle can remember when she was a little girl; when Mr Cuddly was always nice to mademoiselle when she was sad.”

I draw two things from that. One, that Jean has been in that job at least since Chloé was little, if not before. And two, that when she was little, he used to make Mr Cuddly ‘be nice to her’, showing that Jean used to comfort her when she was upset. He’s one of the very few characters who show Chloé genuine affection, so you would think that Chloé would appreciate that. Yet she treats him as badly as she treats everyone else, going as far to call him the wrong name, a different wrong name, every time she addresses him.

Audrey does the exact same thing with Chloé; calling her a different wrong name; though in Audrey’s case she does actually correct herself, at least when we see her do it in Queen’s Battle. Whether Audrey does it on purpose or is really that forgetful of her own daughter’s name, I don’t know. But in Chloé’s case, I think she must know Jean’s real name. If he’s been waiting on her for most of her life, paying her more sincere affection than either of her parents, I just do not buy her really not knowing it at all. Either she pretends not to know it, or she’s repressed it. But if she actually tried, I’m sure she could recall it.

Now to the three people other than Audrey that Chloé does not treat like dirt:

First, Miss Bustier. Chloé is more respectful to her than she is to other adults, and clearly likes her (as evidenced in Zombiezou when she wanted to give her a present); but I think the fact that she’s her teacher and therefore is expected to keep a certain professional distance is enough to keep her from wanting to push her away, if that makes sense.

Next, Adrien. We know that the two of them have been friends since they were toddlers. We also know that Adrien had a lonely, isolated childhood. And that, I think, is the crucial reason why Chloé is never mean to him. Nowadays, I’m sure her crush on him comes into it, especially since he has other friends now. But when they were younger, she knew he was as reliant on her friendship as she was on his. And therefore he was the one person she could be certain would never leave her.

Now to Ladybug. As we all know, prior to season three, Ladybug was Chloé’s idol. The reasons for this are never explicitly stated, but I reckon it’s because Ladybug is universally adored and admired, and Chloé knows full well that she’s hated: “I have no reason to be here. Nobody likes me; I have no friends; I’m useless.” She clearly didn’t want to become a superhero in order to do the right thing, or otherwise she wouldn’t have deliberately jeopardised the Metro train; instead she craves the admiration, and we know she became Queen Bee in response to Audrey dismissing her and offering Marinette the chance of a lifetime. (Only now noticed she actually has tears in her eyes in this moment; see the picture below.) The fact she wanted to be Queen Bee for the wrong reasons is greatly criticised by the people who don’t like her, but it just makes me feel more sorry for her.

(With regard to the ‘I have no friends’ thing, I always thought of that as an odd thing for her to say, because of Adrien and Sabrina. I’m still not one hundred percent certain on why she says this, but I don’t think it’s because she’s trying to get Ladybug to feel sorry for her. At least in that moment, she clearly believes it.)

Becoming a superhero was a dream come true for her, so when she started to realise that Ladybug was neglecting her in favour of other superheroes, it’s no wonder she was hurt. As usual with Chloé, it showed itself in anger. When Ladybug actually explains to her that she can’t give her the bee Miraculous back, and why, I now think Chloé reacted the way she did because she felt like, once again, she was being abandoned. This time by her idol.

I’m not saying this excuses her eventually accepting Hawk Moth’s offer, but I do think it explains it better than Chloé just having a tantrum over not being a superhero anymore. When Hawk Moth (very manipulatively) says “You’re Ladybug’s biggest fan. You’ve helped her. You’ve trusted her. And what has she done for you in return?” Chloé responds, “Nothing! She couldn’t care less about me!” Which is not true, and Chloé should have known this, because Ladybug specifically told her that not giving the Miraculous back was “for your own safety”. But Chloé’s response says, to me, that she felt betrayed. Feelings of abandonment are not necessarily rational. Back in Miraculer, when she said “I understand,” I think she was trying really hard to accept Ladybug’s explanation. I do. But she clearly was hurt, as evidenced by ripping up the photo of her and Ladybug and saying she didn’t want to pretend to be her anymore when playing with Sabrina. Then time went on, and then Ladybug chose Ryuko when it was Chloé’s own parents that had been akumatized, and that was just the last straw. She forgot what Ladybug had said, and she forgot all the times before that when Ladybug had helped her, out of feeling personally rejected.

When I’d written all of this out and went back to the episodes to check the accuracy of my quotes, I was much closer to crying than I had ever been watching those moments.

If this is canon, then it gives me hope, because I don’t see how the writers can not give her the redemption she needs. If her abandonment issues are addressed/dealt with, if she finds people who accept and care about her no matter what she’s done (I’m looking at Jean and Miss Bustier here—possibly Adrien, but I think it might take him a while to forgive her considering he and Ladybug were personally hurt by her actions), I think she could actually change for the better on a more permanent basis.

As I’ve written this post, I’ve come to believe more and more in my conclusion. Really, now I think about Chloé in this light, I don’t blame the writers for what they did. As destructive to Chloé’s development as it seems, it was a logical and in-character plot direction. Hawk Moth had already taken advantage of knowing Queen Bee’s identity to distract her during Heroes’ Day; there was no way he would pass up on using it against her again. He knows Chloé personally and was able to press all the right buttons to tap into her unresolved issues. What happened wasn’t just foreshadowed in Miraculer; it was probably inevitable. But that doesn’t mean Chloé can’t come back from it.

I’ve also said before and I’ll say it again; Chloé was fated to be Queen Bee, and I don’t believe that was because her destiny was to betray Ladybug and Cat Noir. I’m starting to think that she’ll be the key to the heroes’ eventual victory. Perhaps because Hawk Moth now sees her as an ally (or at the very least a pawn he can manipulate), she’ll be able to use that against him in the end. So Miracle Queen had to happen in order for them to win.

I hope this proves hopeful to everyone else who felt let down by the season three finale.

[brandstifter-sys]

34 “run” with intruality? Mood can be comedic or tense. Love your writing & have a wonderful day 💖

Thank you!!! Have a little bit of comedic tension (or hopefully at least) 

and i definitely misread the ship name....So uh yeah, Intrulogical not intrurality

This is My Jam

Word Count: 1026

Remus was not a jelly guy, much like his brother, but Crofter’s, well that was a whole other story. When it came time for breakfast, instead of his usual ocular fluid on toast (thanks Shrek) he would occasionally dip into the not-so forbidden fruit spread. There was only one jelly he would put in his belly that wasn’t deemed “inedible” (because apparently petroleum jelly wasn’t “safe to eat” much like deodorant. But how else would he keep his mouth and butt from getting chapped?) 

He had recently been getting more and more interested in Crofter’s, seeing how it made the sexy nerd go ape shit faster than [REDACTED] So he had a heart-boner for Logan, big deal, not important. What was important was getting that fruit spread all over his body so Logan could [REDACTED] because hell knows he craved everything about that nerd.

The Duke found himself in the kitchen at around 3 in the morning. Virgil had just gotten a sandwich (not made with spiders like Remus would suggest, but not everyone was okay with cannibalism, he sure wasn’t eating calamari!) The coast was clear. No one aside from Virgil would be awake that late, they were morning people! (Yuck, all the fun happens at night, those losers!) It was the perfect opportunity to drop a Dukey infiltration.

He was pleasantly surprised when he was able to just walk up to the fridge without setting off a trap. Deceit liked to have booby (heh) traps set to spray him with perfume or soapy water. It was pretty foul to try and cramp on the Duke’s foulness like that. He couldn’t help it if he smelled like a dead fish even when he scrubbed down, that lovely oceanic mucus was a blessing and a curse! But mostly a blessing because Logan, the babe, took an interest in it and collected a sample from [REDACTED] 

Remus grinned at the memory and opened the fridge, wincing slightly at the light emitted from the contraption. That’s when he saw it. The half-full jar of Logan’s Berry Jelly stood out among the tupperware and assorted food stuffs. He wanted a taste of Logan’s Berries, jam or no jam, so he grabbed the jar instead of waking the nerd of his dreams. He cracked open the jar and inhaled the fruity scent reverently. Everything was going according to plan, until…

“Remus?”

Remus froze and turned on his feet to see Logan, in a unicorn onesie, staring at him like he had three heads (which he did not, he checked, thank you very much)

“Is that the last jar of Crofter’s?” Logan questioned.

“Maybe?” Remus responded, not entirely sure why it mattered that he was sniffing, not eating, sniffing the jam.

“If you aren’t going to eat it, put it back.”

“Why? It’s preserves, it won’t go bad.”

“It tastes better cold.”

“Just like you!” Remus cackled and shoved two fingers in the jar to scoop out some jelly. Logan’s face lost all color and his brow furrowed. Good jam and a sexy angry nerd? Could this night get any better!?

“Remus. Put. It. Back.” Logan snarled as Remus licked his fingers clean. Instead of being a total ass, Remus recapped the jar and moved to put the jar away so he could get his hands on a better snack, his eyes locked on the nerd he was trying to seduce. But…

He missed the shelf.

The jar fell to the ground as if in slow motion.

It shattered, the last remains of the jelly on the floor covered in glass. Logan was frozen, gawking at the shattered remains of the one thing that he could claim without hesitation that he loved. 

“Oopsies!” Remus shrugged, tilting his head and fluttering his lashes like a little shit. Logan’s head shot up and he glared at Remus with more anger than a white suburban mom who’s Valentino white bag got covered in lipstick. It was hot and terrifying.

“Run.”

Remus bolted from the kitchen towards the living room like an umbrella herd on a windy beach, darting past Logan with ease. He made a big oopsie!

Without much thought, only survival instincts to guide him, Remus leapt over the railing and ran up the stairs with the softest footfalls imaginable. Logan chased him up there, stomping and snarling like an enraged bull. 

Remus liked the chase, it got his blood pumping and definitely turned him on most of the time. But as he bolted past Patton’s room he wasn’t sure if he was aroused this time. When he passed Roman’s room he honestly considered apologizing because he felt icky for upsetting Logan, even on accident.

Logan was going to kill him in a non-sexy way and Remus wasn’t down for that. He did the only thing he could think to do. He slammed his whole body into Virgil’s door and pounded his fists against it, crying out in desperation.

“Sanctuary! Sanctuary! Please give me sanctua–ack!” 

Virgil opened the door after the Duke was suddenly cut off. He was not impressed by the sight of Logan holding Remus in a half nelson. 

“Uncle! uncle!” Remus shrieked, “Let me go!”

“What the hell happened? There are people trying to sleep here!” Virgil huffed and crossed his arms.

“He’s gone too far!” Logan snapped

“I accidentally broke Beast Boy’s jelly!” Remus whined, “Accidentally!” 

“Conjure him some more and shut up.” Virgil retorted with his tempest tongue, “Let him go Lo.” Remus had never been more grateful to hear that voice. Logan let him go and stepped back so Remus could do his work.

With a lot more wiggling and flourish than was necessary, Remus conjured another full jar of Crofter’s in Logan’s hands.

“Now go do whatever you two were planning and do it quietly.” Virgil snarled and shut his door. 

“Whatever we were planning?” Logan asked, coming down from his rage. Remus giggled and winked at him.

“Wanna see how that jelly tastes mixed with oceanic mucus? I wouldn’t mind [REDACTED]” Logan blushed at the implications, but smirked at Remus all the same.

“It would be a worthy experiment to perform with my partner.”

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 34: AMJ #6.1

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You know I considered ending this series after the initial arc. I may well discontinue it after awhile. But for now at least I am going to press on. Thus begins the second of what I and dead certain will be a shitty arc of AMJ. Pray for me.

Before we dive into the issue I want to quote for you the solicit for this issue:

WELCOME TO NY, MJ! After the CAN’T-MISS events of AMAZING MARY JANE #5, your favorite redhead is back home! First stop: Spider-Man! But has her relationship with Mysterio changed things with the love of her life? Next stop: a press tour! Complete with iconic New York guest-starring gigs, and OH NO WHAT’S THAT?!?

We spent over 10 years of seeing Peter and MJ separated in the 616 universe.

Thanks to Nick Spencer they blessedly got back together.

Across 25 issues we got to see Peter and MJ interact and 99% of the time it was awesome and helped some old and open wounds get a little better.

It wasn’t every issue, but that was good. Don’t want to get indulgent right?

Then this series came along and Peter/MJ interactions got limited again due to the nature of the story.

That was a shame but at least we were going to get a great MJ story right?

Except we didn’t. We got a story that paradoxically simultaneously celebrated MJ whilst also inadvertently character assassinating her and just being a disgusting fucking mess in general.

But here we have MJ back in New York where Spider-Man is. This issue is even promising us an interaction between them.

Sounds good right?

Let’s see if it will deliver.

As always here we get the recap.

And once more it gives us the full title of the movie in spite of the comic yet to have done that.

As for the ‘strength of his vision blah blah blah’, you know the drill by now. That’s all bullshit, Mary Jane would never connect to Beck over that or allow him to walk free because of that.

There is also a passage in the recap claiming that MJ connected to Beck over familiarity with his situation. The idea of this being their last chance to make it big. I’ve already talked about how that’s bullshit, see part 12.

Finally, the recap confirms that MJ has still failed to tell Peter the truth. Nice to know MJ will continue to be hardcore out of character moving forward into this new arc.

As the issue starts we see MJ introduced as a guest on some kind of chat show.

As has been the case throughout the series, the art is (stylistically at least) gorgeous.

Beyond that there is little to about this page. Except of course the fact that Mary Jane has thought captions.

Let me repeat that.

For the first time in six  issues the readers are being given an insight into the thoughts of title character!

You know, if this were a brand new run, a re-launch or even say the beginning of an outright new era for a series maybe that’d be okay.

But it isn’t. It’s the same run, the same volume, the same story, merely the next arc. This is like if Nick Spencer hadn’t used thought captions throughout the first five issues of his ASM run but then randomly did for the Trivia Night storyline with Boomerang.

Thought captions are perhaps one of the single most potent weapons in the arsenal of a comic book writer. It allows for immense development of characters and enables writers to combine the strength of prose stories with those of more visual mediums.

Now, it’s not that it’s bad to simply not use them. But be consistent. Thought captions would’ve gone a long way in helping us understand Mary Jane better in the first arc along with elaborating upon her asinine decisions there.

Not to mention for a character so often written off as shallow or just eye candy wouldn’t an insight into her thoughts have helped dispel such accusations? Jed Mackay has been doing that pretty consistently since the first issue of his Black Cat run. There it has done wonders for Felicia and fleshed her out more.

It’s especially bad when we consider we got more of an insight into MJ’s thoughts and feelings in one issue  of Nick Spencer’s ASM run than in the entire five prior issues of her solo title.

Anyway, as her interview with Reilly Redding begins there is some quips and verbal jousting going on. Reilly asks if the movie has wrapped but MJ explains that McKnight and the crew are still shooting in L.A. Reilly asks if MJ is sure about that.

This isn’t a positive, more a general observation. I’m not overly familiar with chat shows, let alone American ones, but to my eyes the host seems influenced by Ellen DeGeneres.

Anyway, let me dispense with the pettiest of gripes first. I hate Reilly’s hairstyle. I hate that hairstyle in general. To me it looks really stupid, like you went for a haircut but gave up halfway through. That’s not in anyway shape or form a fair criticism. I totally own that. It is just a tiny point that really bothers me personally.

On the more positive side, Williams continues her frustrating tendency to nail  MJ’s personality traits within a problematic context. MJ’s social skills are one of her greatest powers and here her charisma and ability to play verbal tennis with Reilly is executed superlatively. When Williams does stuff like this she delivers some of the best Mary Jane writing in a long time. Which is why I hate saying and believing that she shouldn’t work on the character over all. She makes traits of MJ shine whilst nevertheless damaging the character over all.

Case in point, the movie is still filming right? And the Vulture (and probably the other members of the Savage Six) are still out there. Let’s be kind and presume they are in a new secret location. That means Vulture will still want to find out where they are, so all the people (and their families) from issue #4 are still going to be harassed by the Vulture’s paparazzi gang and potentially threatened by the six themselves.

Oh well, MJ still DGAF I guess.

Guess she doesn’t care that she’s appearing in public (in NYC of all places!) in spite of six villains now holding a very direct grudge against her.

Also, we FINALLY get the full name of the movie in the story itself, not the recap pages.

As the interview continues, MJ takes questions from the audience. One man asks what it’s like for her to play a real hero for the first time considering she’s played normal female roles before.

MJ responds that they are all heroes to her. She doesn’t really make the female role distinction quite the same way either. It’s more like she plays a hero who is also a woman.

The next question is about the weird press speculation about Cage McKnight’s conduct. The woman asking the question wants to know what he’s really like. MJ responds that he’s great, just dedicated to the craft and protective of his crew. She points out the paparazzi didn’t take kindly to him because he in turn didn’t take kindly to them hounding the movie.

Reilly then reveals McKnight is here for the interview.

Once more, Williams (with a huge help from Gomez’s art) conveys the charisma and social savvy of MJ here. Gomez’s body language demands particular praise. He conveys MJ’s beauty, flirtation, charm, etc. And he does it on multiple levels. The subtle genius of this page is how Gomez captures MJ putting on a performance for the public, to convince them she’s being utterly genuine and casual.

As for the dialogue, the best faith interpretation of the man’s question, he meant MJ has never played a super hero before, just normal non-powered women. He didn’t mean stereotypical female roles. That interpretation makes MJ’s response make more sense than if the former was the intent. So I’ll give Williams a pass and presume that was in fact her intent.

As for the second question it further highlights the unethical nature of allowing Mysterio to impersonate McKnight. The real McKnight has a lot of gossip and a new public image that was not of his own making. It wasn’t even an unfair fabrication by the press, it existed specifically because someone else was using his name, face and reputation for personal gain.

Also the audacity of Williams to directly reference issue #4 where Ken was harassed by the Vulture’s paparazzi squad but just ignore the fact that that should still be going on.

To MJ’s confusion Cage McKnight joins the interview. However, he doesn’t seem to know anything about the movie at all. He says the first he heard of the movie was when he was contacted for the interview. Meanwhile MJ frantically contacts Beck on her phone. Reilly notices and calls MJ out just before Beck confirms he’s still in L.A.

To MJ’s horror she realizes she’s sitting next to the real Cage McKnight who’s returned from his penguin expedition. Reilly asks why he came on the show if he doesn’t remember movie. Cage responds that just because he doesn’t remember making the movie doesn’t mean he didn’t. he explains that in the past he’s made movies in ‘artistic fugues’ and presumes this is just one such time.

*pinches bridge of nose*

Oh my Gooooooooood this is so dumb.

I get the desire to have humour in a story for the sake of levity. But the world of Spider-Man is not even remotely a borderline Deadpool or Harley Quinn or Lobo comic book. The humour doesn’t come from absurdity or a cartoonlike breaking of logic and reality.

And make no mistake, this is absurd. Scratch that, it’s contrived to the nth degree.

First of all I’m not that well read up on fugue states so I briefly consulted Wikipedia who had this to say:

Dissociative fugue, formerly fugue state or psychogenic fugue, is a dissociative disorder[1] and a rare psychiatric disorder characterized by reversible amnesia for personal identity, including the memories, personality, and other identifying characteristics of individuality. The state can last days, months or longer. Dissociative fugue usually involves unplanned travel or wandering and is sometimes accompanied by the establishment of a new identity. It is a facet of dissociative amnesia, according to the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).

-Wikipedia

Basically a fugue state is a sort of similar condition to Dissociative Identity Disorder, more commonly known as having a split personality. Only instead of an individual’s psyche fracturing into different personalities that take dominance, it’s someone’s mind running away with itself and becoming someone else. The individual forgets aspects of who they are and becomes someone else.

A very good example within fiction can be found in the Doctor Who episode ‘The Next Doctor’. In it a man named Jackson Lake suffers a traumatic experience and in the midst of it (through a sci-fi gizmo) absorbs a lot of information on the character of the Doctor. His traumatized mind consequently decides to imitate what it regards as the Doctor.

What I’m saying is McKnight’s dialogue about his fugues are very probably bullshit unless someone can cite evidence to the contrary. 

Using the above description though McKnight has gotten this rare  psychiatric disorder multiple times and specifically in conjunction with his job as a filmmaker. Yeah, no. Not buying it and neither should you.

Being a film director isn’t a muscle memory skill you can’t forget no matter what. People with amnesia or Alzheimer’s disease do not forget how to play the piano or how to drive. But directing a movie? There are so many moving pieces to that job that rely upon you knowing how equipment and more importantly individual people operate. You have to bear a shitton of theory in mind too. It is physically  impossible to repeatedly  have fugues and then maintain that job.

And even if it was, oh my lord, that is the single most contrived thing in this series yet. Are you SERIOUSLY telling me that Mary Jane and Beck and the entire production got this  lucky. The guy who’s reputation is what the movie is riding on happens  to be someone who repeatedly deals with this incredibly rare mental condition?

Holy shit. That’s Superior Spider-Man levels of contrived.

And yet if you still swallowed all of that it still wouldn’t make sense!

McKnight presumes he made this Mysterio movie in a fugue state right? But he wasn’t, so he would remember his life during that period of time. Meaning that there are lots of public records and personal accounts testifying that he was making the movie at the same time that he  knows he was observing penguins.

If you suffer amnesia or blackouts or DID then there are obviously gaps in time you cannot account for. The overwhelming majority of people who deal with those conditions make a point of keeping track of those gaps, for practical reasons if nothing else. So McKnight would know that there isn’t a gap in time he can’t account for and certainly not for the time period the Mysterio movie has been going for.

Shit, the movie is still  filming! How the Hell does he believe he is still making this movie in a fugue state if he’s consciously aware of lacking any knowledge about it?

Not to mention if he’s been in the Falkland Islands this whole time. A quick Google search informed me that by plane it’d take over 14 hours  to travel between the islands and Los Angeles. How the fuck is anyone supposed to ever commute that distance, let alone regularly. And McKnight sincerely believes he was doing both at the same goddam time?

You couldn’t even argue that McKnight believes he made the Mysterio movie before his penguin expedition. Because the movie is still being made and all his other ‘artistic fugues’ would have a movie as proof of what he was doing during the fugues.

This is just mind-numbingly stupid and lazy writing. It smacks so hard of Williams trying to desperately paper over the holes in her initial story.

More importantly, how fucking stupid is Mary Jane or Beck to never considered this possibility? I don’t mean the fugue bullshit, I mean the idea of McKnight just coming back  from his penguin adventure.

Was Mysterio honestly so incompetent as to have never accounted for that? He seriously never had anything in place to make sure McKnight wouldn’t just decide to cut his journey short? Jesus, and I was dumb enough to buy his line about McKnight spending a year with the penguins.

Even putting that aside, what the flying fuck was MJ and Beck’s plan for when he eventually  came back in the first place? Say he really did spend a year with the penguins then came back to the USA. Suddenly he has a movie with his name attached to it and lots of controversy. Let’s say McKnight’s fugue bullshit added up, there is no indication MJ or beck knew about them. So how the Hell were they planning on getting away with the obvious questions he or his friends or family would have had?

And if they did know about the fugues, why didn’t Williams address that before? That was kind of  a lingering question hanging over the story until now wasn’t it?

God I can’t believe I paid for this!

On the next page MJ spots a guy in an Oni Mask backstage. She presumes he’s there to scare her as part of the show. However, she notices that the P.A.s haven’t seen him. Meanwhile Reilly set up a stupid game for them to play.

I got nothing to say about this page beyond McKnight’s dialogue. Williams is clearly trying to frame the real McKnight in a less than sympathetic manner. There could be many reasons why. I suspect one of the reasons is to incline us more towards Beck’s version of McKnight and to make us not feel as bad about Beck (and MJ) exploiting his identity.

Because being vaguely and lightly sexist means you deserve to have your career, public image, sense of self and life violated and damaged I guess?????????????

As Reilly brings in people from the audience to compete against McKnight and MJ, the latter thinks that there is something weirdly familiar about the Oni-masked man.

I have little to say about this page too.

Reilly’s attitude and facial expressions make me dislike her, even beyond her stupid haircut.

And as for the Oni-Masked man (I’ll just call him Oni for now) my only guess is that he’s affiliated with Mister Negative somehow. He had his goons wear Oni masks at times. And MJ interacted with them and Mister Negative himself in the popular 2018 Spider-Man video game by Insomniac; and it’s adapted comic book City at War. As such perhaps Williams is trying to tie-in or capitalize upon audience familiarity with that.

As MJ plays the dumb game he ponders if Oni could be a lesser member of Peter’s rogue’s gallery. Observing him again she notices him murder a civilian.

The dumb game annoyed me, but that’s just me.

Beyond that all I can say is that MJ’s dialogue about Peter’s rogue’s gallery is interesting. It proves that MJ has at least a working knowledge of Peter’s major foes. Which just further proves she would have been familiar with Mysterio and his crimes, just in case anyone was still clinging to the idea that she wouldn’t.

Also, the art and especially that splash page were beautiful.

Unfortunately for MJ, Oni notices she witnessed his crime. MJ is nervous and backs away in fear, annoying McKnight when she bumps into him. Meanwhile Spider-Man swings across town yelling for to hold on as he is on the way.

Gomez draws a nice Spider-Man.

Anyway, more of Williams making us dislike McKnight, see above for more on that.

MJ backing away in fear has me apprehensive. I don’t know if that’s in character for her. I guess the shock and surprise could’ve thrown her for a loop. And if Oni doesn’t notice her then it gives her a better chance of raising the alarm and capturing him.

I must say, I do like MJ being on the backfoot here after issues #1-5 made her often overconfident and over capable at times (see her nonchalance over the Savage Six in issue #5).

Also, isn’t MJ going to give Oni the benefit of the doubt? Maybe he’s sorry for murdering that guy just now. Maybe he wants to make amends by creating a movie about his life. So why is MJ so scared?

Sure, he just murdered someone, but what is that next to the laundry list of Beck’s crimes?

As it turns out, Spidey wasn’t on his way to save MJ. He was in fact en route to a French restaurant to have dinner with her. He is actually before MJ for a change.

I know Gomez isn’t the only artist on this issue and this doesn’t look like his work. Who ever is drawing it though is doing a very bland depiction of Peter with a overly wrinkly forehead.

The joke about him arriving first for a change was funny though.

Back at the studio, the show wraps up. McKnight insults Reilly’s profession just in case you’ve not realised he is a jerk yet. MJ thinks about persuading everyone to evacuate and searches for her phone. She notices Oni leaving and decides to leave her phone behind.

I already know MJ is going to pursue Oni herself. The stupidity of that aside why the fuck wouldn’t you grab your phone before doing that? You could use it no matter where you wind up and it wasn’t so far away that he’d get that much of a head start.

In fact, if Oni knows MJ is a witness why did he bother hanging around in the first place.

And why didn’t MJ raise the alarm immediately, the worst that would happen is the guy would run away. He’s just stealthily murdered someone and is in a mask. He obviously isn’t going to take the audience hostage, so if her priority is protecting innocents then raising the alarm immediately (or in fact earlier would’ve been her best bet. Yes that’d probably mean he’d have escaped but unlike with say Peter’s origin, getting him the Hell out of there would’ve reduced the immediate threat to the civilians present.

And on top of that if she figures he’s targeting her because she was a witness to his crime then by alerting everyone to his actions she’d have removed his need (at least for the moment) of sticking around to eliminate her, thus getting him away from the audience.

If he’s leaving anyway, MJ could also just grab her phone and put a call in to Peter, her super hero chums or the police and get them on the case immediately. If she was really so determined to go after this guy herself she still could but would’ve had a back up just in case he escapes or kills her. If she fails then she’s insured someone will still pursue him.

And as I copiously detailed in parts 19-22, MJ is not a super hero (and she knows that). She has no idea what this guy’s skills, weapons or powers might be, nor does she know what resources or assistance will be nearby to enable her to survive or subdue him. This isn’t like an armed cop, a martial artist or a super powered person going after a regular crook. She really doesn’t know what she is in for. Even if he is just a normal man, he clearly has a height and weight advantage over her, is obviously willing and capable of chocking a man to death and is armed. MJ meanwhile has little self-defence training, no weapons and hasn’t got the weight or muscle capable of taking him on if she’s backed into a corner. And she’s pursuing him back stage where presumably there is a fair chance of encountering many corners!

I understand that she doesn’t want to endanger innocent people, but there is no point in risking her life there is a much more practical and likely to succeed option available to her. Live to fight another day and all that. Yes the guy might hurt people during or after his escape but that’s a lesser evil vs. going after him herself when she is very unlikely to subdue him, far more likely to die and then the guy will get away without her having passed on any valuable intel on him to someone more qualified to pursue him.

Also once she sees the guy leaving she could just tell everyone the situation and ask the audience to stay put.

Basically if raises the alarm right there on stage and/or calls Peter or the authorities she is over all putting less people in danger and increasing the chances of the guy being apprehended in the long run. But no, instead she is going to gamble on the far slimmer odds that she can capture the guy.

Not to mention, why would the guy even give a shit that MJ saw him? Why would MJ give a shit that she is a witness to his crime? He is wearing a mask! She couldn’t identify him even if she went to the police. It is literally part of the reason her goddam boyfriend wears a mask!

And by the way, are there no security cameras backstage? Wouldn’t MJ consider that or Oni himself?

McKnight apologises to Reilly (so not that much of a jerk I guess) as MJ pursues Oni (barefooted) backstage. As she does this she rehearses what she will say to Peter in her head. This entails telling him that she had to get away from the killer. As she is thinking about this the body of Oni’s victim is discovered. Backstage she comes face to face with Oni who refers to her by name.

Yay. MJ deliberately planning on lying to Peter again. It’s so awesome that Williams understands why this isn’t a really bad idea for the reasons I pointed out in part 17.

By the way, I suspect Oni knows MJ personally rather than just recognizing her work.

I’m actually going to leave it there for now as the next part of the story has a shitton to unpack.

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[hows-it-holed-up]

Perfunctory Photo Recap: Alias 1x01

After starting off with Gossip Girl and swinging wildly in the other direction for my second post, I decided a happy medium for No. 3 would be that early-aughts ABC classic, Alias. The show premiered basically immediately after 9/11, and I started watching it in 2002 with its mid-season premiere – meaning I missed the first half of the first season and didn’t get to watch it until it RE-AIRED over the summer of 2002. (How did we ever live without streaming apps? Unfathomable.) Anyway, I was obsessed with this show when it was on, and I suspect it’ll hold up pretty well, even though we’re the better part of 20 years out from the pilot. Let’s get our spy on!

My Disclaimer: None of these posts will be in any way comprehensive, because I’m lazy. All of them are probably going to have spoilers of some sort for the entire series…or at least what I remember of it from when I last watched it an eon ago. Exactly what you want in a recap!

The Prophecy: Our heroine Sydney Bristow thinks she works for the CIA, but learns pretty quickly (after they murder her fiancé) that she’s been a bit of a dummy! She actually works for the bad guys – an organization called SD-6. Will she just sit back and accept it? That would make for a pretty short series! 

Fresh off his thrill-a-minute action masterpiece Felicity, J.J. Abrams stays brand consistent, opening his new series with some light waterboarding. 

We cut almost immediately to Sydney in a college classroom (there we go, J.J.), where she’s scribbling furiously in a blue book and giving me anxiety-induced flashbacks. She meets up with her BF...

Who proposes to her on “the quad” while singing “Build Me Up Buttercup” at the top of his lungs. I remember finding this adorably romantic in high school. If someone inflicted this on me now I would literally walk away and never speak to them again. 

Syd here seems to be contemplating the exact same thing. But she (somehow) gets over it and says yes.  

Wow, there it is! “The CIA.” Honestly, Sydney really should have figured out this wasn’t legit almost immediately. No way the vibe at ANY CIA office is industrial chic. There’s barely a fluorescent light to be found! 

LOOK AT BABY BRADLEY COOPER! (Yes, this screengrab was very strategic.)

He’s so crestfallen when she tells him she’s engaged to Doug or Dave or whatever his name is. Poor BB. Don’t worry Bradley! He’ll have shuffled this mortal coil by halfway through the episode.

Annnnd this is why:

Big no-no!

He freaks out and I guess runs off. When they meet up again it’s at some oil-pumping hoosit in Bakersfield or some such, and she gives him some cringeworthy line about having always hoped she’d find someone to give her life meaning and he’s the one etc. etc. GROAN. 

Then she jets off on her latest mission, where the best part is she gets to use her real accent for about 10 seconds. 

As a southern(ish) lady myself, I always get a little delight when I hear a good southern accent! Everyone seems to think they can do a flawless one, but it’s almost impossible to find someone who’s not from the region and can do it properly. The attempts are usually skin-crawlingly bad.

Anyway, after the mission, she returns home to a not-very-nice surprise. 

J. Garn is VERY good in this scene. 

After a wee confrontation with her boss about the small matter of murdering her fiancé, we cut back to the torture scene, where Sydney’s got some jokes! 

LOLLL!!!!1! But to be fair they did shoot her full of a big ol’ syringe of something we’ll assume is affecting her frontal lobe, or whatever. You try being funny in the middle of a drug-enhanced torture session. 

Anyway, we cut back to Dorian’s funeral, where we get eyes on Will’s (Bradley Cooper’s) sister, who happens to have fire-engine red hair and be dressed like a British goth-punk from the ‘70s. Super approps funereal attire. And also probably nothing to do with Syd’s lil future disguise – just a total coincidence. 

Then over to this image of me, every night of this COVID-19 quarantine. Note the bottle within arm’s reach. By tomorrow I’ll probably be foregoing the glass altogether. 

When we check back in with our girl, it’s been 3 months since she’s been into the office. Prob b/c of the whole “murdered her fiancé” thing but who can say really. Anyway folks aren’t super pleased!

Like really not super pleased. 

There’s a whole fighting thing, and as Syd’s struggling to escape her dad dadus ex machinas on up:

He tells her the people she’s working for are actually the bad guys. And she’s like NUH UH! And he’s like “So then how come you’ve never been to Langley? Also come on have you seen the offices?”

Not really being able to argue with his logic but also not really trusting him, Syd runs off and steals Will’s sister’s identity (SHOCKING TWIST!). Because as all great spies know, you want to stand out as much as possible – so best practice is to dye your hair the brightest color you can manage and dress like it’s Halloween so that everyone will notice you. 

Anywho, all of that somehow works, and we arrive at the part of the narrative where she gets captured and tortured. But because she’s the star of the show, it probably won’t come as too much of a surprise that she escapes! She runs off to find the thing she was supposed to find at the beginning of the show:

A highly coveted floating clown nose! (No but actually it’s much more sinister than that and is a big deal later in the series.)

She gives it to her boss so he knows she’s back onboard:

Then heads straight for CIA HQ, where she writes down her story for this handsome fellow and offers to be a double agent for them:

Sigh. I remember being very into these two as an IRL couple and finding out they broke up immediately before a French test. I also remember I did not do excellently on said French test. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I had no interest in studying. I would probably be fluent now if it weren’t for them. 

Anyway, the CIA verifies her statement and sends an asset to let her know that she’s in:

Yes that’s what I just said. 

It turns out that papa Bristow is ALSO a CIA double agent! What a good reveal to end on! Great job J.J.! 

Debriefing:

- After spending 20 minutes searching for a free, not-illegal way to watch this sucker online (because I’m a cheap bitch), I finally gave in, swam around in my massive hope chest and literally dusted off this DVD, which it turns out I still own. Did I buy a DVD player just so I could watch my Alias, OC and Friends DVDs? Who can say! 

- I didn’t realize they introduced the Rambaldi mythology in the first episode. It’s actually pretty impressive they could maintain that as a narrative thread throughout the show. Also we’ve got a “47″ alert at 12 minutes in. 

- They have Jennifer Garner speaking a ton of languages throughout this show, as I recall. I wonder if she’s any good at any of them? She sounds vaguely convincing in the pilot, to me, but what do I know?

- I think we can all agree that Merrin Dungey is a national treasure and deserves to be a bigger star than she is. I’m always so happy to see her when she pops up in other things. And she’s great in this show. 

- Overall, the Alias pilot holds up REALLY well. It does an amazing job of giving depth to all of the characters and really making the audience care about them – even the ones who only appear for a few minutes. The plotting is strong, and the groundwork for the rest of the series is laid without being even remotely heavy on eye-rolly exposition. Plus the actors’ performances are all *CHEF’S KISS*  

[thenovelartist]

Sleepover Snafu

So, here’s the crack fic that I pulled out of my WIPs and finished this week. It’s... ridiculous. XD

Never once did it cross his mind that giving a small gift to his friend as his superhero persona would be a Bad Idea™.

“You know Chat Noir?!”

Because it never crossed his mind that she may be hosting a sleepover for her sixteenth birthday.

“Uhh… hi, ladies,” he greeted with a strained grin knowing full well that Marinette was going to string him up by his tail the next time she got the chance. “Fancy seeing all you here.”

“What are you doing here?” Mylene asked.

“Oh, please tell me there isn’t an akuma nearby!” Rose cried.

“Please,” Alya dismissed with a wave of her hand. “I’d know if there was.”

“Yeah,” Juleka assured. “Her akuma sense would be tingling.”

There was a round of snickers while Alya shot a glare at Juleka.

Chat thought he’d get two seconds to slip out with the distraction. But Alix.

Oh. Alix.

“So, Marinette. When did you become his ‘princess’?”

And suddenly, Chat was on the hot seat. The girls circled him as he sat cross-legged on the chaise lounge with Marinette by his side.

“For the record, kitty,” she said. “I hate you.”

…

An hour later, after answering all the questions they threw his way and winning all—sans Alix—over with some over-the-top theatrics about how desperately and deeply he was in love with his ladybug and though Marinette was a wonderful friend, he could never forsake his lady, for she owned his heart.

“You all,” Alix grumbled. “Are saps.”

Thankfully, he won Alix over after the girls let him stay and play games with them. After all, not many people got to play games with Paris’ second favorite superhero.

They had a good time, though it was difficult to pretend he didn’t know anything about these girls other than the fact they’d been akuma victims.

But then got to the part of the night were Alya got that gleam in her eye that Nino constantly complained about because it always spoke volumes of trouble. “Chat Noir,” she purred. He noticed how Marinette was immediately on edge. “You’re a guy in love.”

He quirked an eyebrow, uncertain about where this was going. “Yes.”

“You surely know what it would take to get a guy’s attention.”

And he felt like he was back in the hot seat because now every girl was giving him that smug look.

He swallowed. “Y-yeah?”

From beside him, Marinette buried her face in her hands with a groan.

This was not going to end well.

“So,” Alya began. “Surely with you being such great friends with Marinette, you’d be willing to help her gain the attention of the love of her life.”

Again, Marinette groaned in her hands.

But Chat Noir, for his part, just blinked. Marinette? A crush on a guy? Really?

“She never told you?” Mylene asked.

“It’s not like it’s some big secret or anything,” Alix added rather smugly.

Chat just shook his head.

Alya clapped her hands then rubbed them together. Which meant this was happening and nothing could stop it.

“Chat Noir,” she said. “We. Are officially drafting you. To be part. Of the ‘get Adrien Agreste and Marinette out on a date’ squad.”

He choked on air, and the world started feeling a whole lot smaller. He was barely aware of Marinette mumbling something incoherent into her hands.

Alya nodded proudly. “Yup. You’ll help, right, Chat? The girl needs all the help she can get.”

“I do not!” Marinette protested, finally pulling her face from her hands. “I can talk to him on my own.”

The girls all rolled their heads her direction.

Chat may not be the most socially versed kid on the block, but he knew full well that when five girls roll their heads and shoot someone that look, it’s bad.

Like, cataclysm bad.

“Let’s recap, shall we?” Alya challenged. “The scarf you knitted you couldn’t give to him.”

“And let his father take the credit for.”

“You also took up fencing.”

“And sparred with him, but never talked.”

“The wild plan to sneak Adrien away from his bodyguard so that you could take him out to ice cream.”

“I still don’t remember who was Rose.”

“Who cares? She left me standing on that stupid bridge for a half hour.”

“You weren’t there when she had the opportunity for him to drive her home.”

“Only for her to babble like an idiot and turn him down. Our whole plan was for not.”

“Ladies, focus,” Alya said. “And lastly, we have our ‘almost gave up on him’ fiasco.”

Juleka crossed her arms. “I’m still not cool with you pulling my brother into it.”

“Especially since you did kinda lead him on.”

“And you didn’t even succeed in the end!” Alix cried. “You had the perfect opportunity to say ‘yes, Adrien, just the two of us’.”

“And now Nino’s telling me how Adrien’s trying to convince him that it would be fun if the entire class came to the rink.”

“When it could have been a DATE!” the girl’s all shouted in unison.

“So forgive us,” Alya finished with a sarcastic smile. “If we have so little faith in you.”

Marinette was back to hanging her head.

Chat’s head was spinning in circles, and it seemed like it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. All those moments with Marinette… and they were because she was trying to be more than friends with him?

Somehow, after a long time, he found his voice. “You really like this guy, princess?”

Marinette didn’t look up at him for a long while before finally shooting him a glance and a single nod. “Yeah,” she said, her voice quiet and shy. “But it’s never going to happen.”

Chat’s heart was officially yanked in two. He loved his lady, that was clear to the world. But Marinette… she was pretty spectacular, too. And who was he kidding? His heart liked to flutter around her. Not quite like it did with his lady, but noticeable enough to get him to pause pretty often. And now she was here, bearing her heart—well, having her friends bear her heart to him—and the last thing he wanted to do now that it was an undeniable truth that he held her fragile, precious heart in his hands was to crush it.

“Because Mr. “just friends” doesn’t have any real reason to take you out,” Alix deadpanned.

“No matter how obvious you might be,” Alya continued. “He’s clueless.”

Chat had to bite is tongue before he gave away his identity. Instead, he focused on Marinette, one of the best friends a guy could have.

But she was also the only person in the world, sans Ladybug, whom would have him abusing his superhero powers just to visit her in the middle of the night and watch movies together.

“Could we just drop it for tonight?” Marinette asked. “Please?”

As Chat looked over at his friend, he found that her blue eyes were begging for release just as her crimson cheeks proved her embarrassment. She really liked him. If all those things were true—which, there really wasn’t any reason for them not to be—then Marinette cared deeply. “You said you gave him a scarf,” he asked. “Yet let his father take credit for it?”

“Yeah,” Alya said. “I mean, it was sweet, but the girl couldn’t give him anything without becoming completely useless.”

“So why let his dad take credit?”

“Because,” Marinette answered. “You should have seen the look in his face. It just… he was so happy thinking that his father made that scarf for him. I couldn’t take that away from him! I just… couldn’t. And no, I’ll probably never tell him. Let him be happy.”

Something in Chat’s chest twisted painfully. “And you’re okay with that?”

She shrugged. “It means more that way to him.”

The girls let a collective sigh. “It’s so sweet,” Rose commented.

“Even though she totally should take credit for her work,” Juleka added.

“Yeah,” Alix agreed, “but where Adrien’s concerned, let’s face it, common sense goes straight out the window.”

Marinette hid her face in her hands again, and Chat knew he was going to have to make a decision with the heart he currently held in his hands.

So he put up an over-large smile. “So, Princess, sounds like you’re pretty head over heels for this guy, so I’ll tell you what: I’ll help you out.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary.”

“Yeah it is!” was the chorus from the girls.

“Please, do, Chat Noir,” Alya begged. “I would literally do anything.”

Chat put on a show of thinking. Thankfully, something came to mind. “You should write him a letter.”

The girl’s faces fell. Clearly it wasn’t what they were expecting.

“Yup,” Chat said with a grin. “Go. Do it. A letter with all the things you’d never say to his face.”

Marinette knew him too well by now. “Why?” she said, her eyes narrowing. “What are you thinking?”

“Because,” he said. “I dare you to take one of those things and actually say it to him.”

Her expression fell, while all the other girls brightened like the sun.

“Yeah!”

“That’s a great idea.”

“This will be amusing.”

“No!” Marinette cried. “No way. Not happening.”

“Come on, Princess,” he said with a grin. “Trust me.”

She quirked a brow, showing she didn’t.

He frowned. “Harsh.”

“Yeah, but you can trust us,” Alya quickly chimed in. “And that’s a good idea! We’ll even help you.”

There was a round of consent from the other girls, meaning Marinette was sat down at her desk. The girls surrounded her, throwing out ideas of just what she should tell Adrien. Everything from “I admire your kindness” to “Hey Hot Stuff, get dressed up for me today?” made its way to the paper.

Marinette couldn’t even stay mad for long as the more ridiculous things got put on the page. But the amusing thing was, there was a part of Marinette that clearly meant everything, even the ridiculous phrases.

There was a lot of laughter and giggles and amusement. And Chat was about to crash the fun as well as put himself squarely on Marinette’s kill list.

“It’s perfect, Princess. Meaning now…” He snatched the paper out of her hand. “I’ll deliver this to a certain someone and give him a clear explanation.”

Chat found some sick, twisted pleasure in watching not only Marinette but all the girls’ faces fall in shock.

He shot them a wink. “Trust me, Princess. If he’s that blind, he needs a bat over the head. And I’ll be sure to give it to him. I’ll see you later.”

He was halfway out the door when he heard Marinette shriek his name and Alix cackle like a madwoman. It was at that moment he knew that he’d never be able to go back to Marinette’s without serious consequences.

And Plagg… well…

The little shit found it fricking hilarious.

…

Marinette wanted to simultaneously melt into a puddle and slaughter a certain superhero. She swore the next time she saw Chat Noir—as Ladybug because Chat was smart enough not to return to Marinette’s house for a good while—she was going to tie him up and leave him hanging from the Eiffel Tower.

And that feeling increased tenfold when she saw Adrien appear.

Alix was already laughing. Alya was patting her shoulder reassuringly. And Marinette wanted to die.

She was going to skin that cat and use him as a rug.

“Hey, Marinette,” Adrien greeted, rubbing the back of his neck. “Can we… talk for a moment?”

And there it was: her march to her doom. Still, she followed him to a quiet corner of the school so he could let her down easy with as few witnesses—if any—as humanly possible.

“Look,” she said once she was sure they were alone. “If it’s about the thing Chat Noir gave you then—”

His dazzling smile caused her to stop in her tracks. “Don’t worry Purr-incess,” he whispered to her. “Your little secret is safe with me. Always has been. Always will be. I’m not that cruel to give a paper like that to some unsuspecting guy.” He sent her a wink and then marched off, stupid smug smirk on his stupid face and his stupid green eyes dazzling with mirth.

And it took her far too long for her mind to kick back and gear and process his words.

She looked up at him, not believing it. He couldn’t… no way…

But Adrien spun around, waggling his brows and shooting her another wink and she swore right then and there…

“I’m going to kill you, you stupid cat!”

[minimarker]

The Talllle of Glennnn and Daaaale

(and Gaiiiil and Marrrrsha)

(Note: some of the footage of the 2017 P4A was lost. This compilation was the best I could do from my memory and the footage available. If I made any mistakes or forgot any parts I apologize.) 

In the 2017 Project for Awesome the Missoula crew were hanging out the first night when Brit Garner brought a bunch of props from a local theatre. As Hank said, “Brit is here and she brought… something terrifying.” That terrifying thing was Glennnn the sheep. From one angle Glennnn looks like he smoked a bunch of weed and then killed someone. From another angle Glennnn looks like he’s very tired and knows a lot about you. From yet another angle Glennnn looks proud, like a spiritual teacher. Like a gentler Rafiki mentor. Apparently, Victoria looks at Hank like Glennnn a lot, especially when he has “ideas.” Glennnn reminds Hank of Undertale. At one point Glennnn was called the Merlin to Hank’s King Arthur. Hank quickly became so attached to Glennnn that he promised to work Glennnn into the sequel to his book.

Glennnn came to the stream with two hats: a green visor and a gold crown. When wearing the green visor, it seemed like he will do your shady taxes and launder your money for you. Or maybe play poker with his friends. Does he have a gambling problem? No, he’s just a CPA. When wearing the crown, he is King Glennnn. We will get to that later.

Soon a consensus was made on the spelling of Glennnn. Glennnn must have 4 n’s, three of which are silent. It does not matter which three are silent. Later we learned that Glennnn is pronounced “Glen” if the last three n’s are silent and “Gle-n” if one of the later n’s is the audible one. At this point chat was overtaken with sheep emojis, all from Glennnn the Sheep Father. Some chatters went overboard and were informed that Glennnn can’t have five n’s, we must keep it reasonable!

Quickly we learned more about Glennnn: he is a hollow shell full of wisdom … and MURDER. Hank claimed that NASA is hiding the fact that for years they have observed Glennnn through a powerful telescope. Someone claimed that Deadpool wishes he didn’t wear such a skin-tight suit and instead wore Glennnn’s hat… and nothing else. 

Meanwhile, the nerdfighters quickly made social media accounts for him. Glennnn The Sheep soon had an Instagram with a screenshot of the P4A stream as the profile picture. The bio read “Hi, my name is Glennnn, the last three n’s are silent. My favorite people are the Nerdfighters that are currently watching the livestream of the Project for Awesome!” A twitter account was also made for Glennnn, @GlennTheSheep. Later, when describing the discrepancy in n’s on social media, we were advised to type as many n’s as your heart tells you to find Glennnn on social media. 

Soon Matthew Gaydos joined the stream and was introduced to Glennnn. Matt found his legs “interesting” and when chat asked him how to buy the sheep Matt said “You can’t! Glennnn is a human! No, he’s not!” Hank questioned if Glennnn is 100% sheep and Matt clarified that he is 4% wood and 96% sheep. When Matt had to step away he left Glennnn in charge of the stream.

Somehow Glennnn lost his hat. Matt gave him the crown and declared him King Glennnn. King Glennnn of the Glen, Hank added. It is Glennnn’s Glen, he is not king of the forest. Daaaale is his brother, King of the Dale. And Marrrrsha, of the Marsh, is their sister. Clearly glens were named for Glennnn. As Hank said “If Glennnn can see you, you are in his Glen. You are turning into a sheep. Can you feel it?” 

Hank invented a new version of Instagram for Glennnn: Glennnnstagram. All pictures on it are of sheep and glens, except the one picture of a dale from when Glennnn visited Daaaale. Chat suggested a Glennnn theme park and Matt seemed confused about what that would entail. Hank suggested making a hat with Glennnn on it as a perk for P4A 2018 (as of the posting of this it has not been announced as a perk but Glennnn and Daaaale plushies are totally a thing!). Much of this conversation happened while Hank’s face was being painted to look like Pizza John. Hank then declared that Hank-Pizza John Green of the Glen is a subject of King Glennnn. Chat requested that someone kiss Glennnn and Matt promised that someone would at 1.4 million dollars. Hank offered to kiss Glennnn, although I am not sure if he ever did. 

Soon talk turned to a major event in Glennnn’s past. Apparently, a sheep’s hair is only shorn when he loses in battle. Glennnn’s hair is the longest in the Glen. Daaaale’s hair is slightly longer. Glennnn of the Glen is the hero of the Battle of Glen-Dale. The elves know him. Songs have been dedicated to Glennnn. It is proposed that Lin-Manuel Miranda or Al Roker should write a musical of the battle of Glen-Dale. 

Then Rodney appeared and it was confirmed that Glennnn has Rodney’s back because, of course he does. Rodney said, “the sheep is everything” and as Glennnn was passed from person to person we learned that holding Glennnn feels so right that you forget he’s there. For a time Glennnn wore the frog hat instead of his crown. We also learned that Glennnn plays the banjo just like Ed Helms and Ryan is his middle name. Maia and Valerie drew Glennnn eating corn in a timed competition.

The next day we learned that Glennnn is everyone’s baby. He belongs to the world. Unknowingly, Destin was encouraging donations by offering to write donors’ names on magnets and one was a sheep. The chat insisted that the sheep was Glennnn. Soon a donation came in from Glennnn but Destin rejected his name because he “is not a real person.” The chat declared that while other magnets were worth a certain donation amount the sheep should cost $1000 in honor of Glennnn. Ben donated $1000 and Destin insisted “but does he want the sheep?” He then offered that Ben could name the sheep whatever he wanted. When Destin wrote on the sheep he could feel how much it mattered to chat. “This is the most important thing I’m gonna write on a sheep, probably in my life.” Destin writes “Ben (Glenn)” and chat quickly corrected: Glennnn has four n’s. 

Back with the Missoula crew we learned that Glennnn is Tuna’s favorite quadruped. Since we had last seen the Missoula crew, Ashe had made a painting of Glennnn. The donations reached a milestone and Brit brought in a surprise. DAAAALE HAD ARRIVED! Daaaale bowed to Glennnn, for he was the hero of the Battle of Glen-Dale. 

“All hail Daaaale!” someone declared. “Disagree!” countered Hank. Soon it was questioned where Marrrrsha is and Brit clarified “I drive a Honda Civic, I can only do so much.” After a brief debate, it is confirmed that Daaaale has four a’s and can be pronounced as “Dale” or with a bleating sound in the middle (like a sheep). Soon the battle between Glennnn and Daaaale was sparking again, they began to tally a donation battle between the brothers. “Is the vote just a tally? I’ve made a spreadsheet!” someone said, proving how nerdy we all are. The spreadsheet was put to use as the tally was called the “popular vote” and the spreadsheet was used to count the amount donated to each sheep. Suddenly most of the Missoula crew was on Daaaale’s side. “We’re just excited by the new thing” said Caitlin (and seconded by Hank). 

The following was determined about the First Battle of Glen-Dale: 

-It took place in 1994 (Possibly 640? Possibly yesterday? It couldn’t have been yesterday!) 

-Different spellings are all accepted: Glen-Dale, Glennnndale, Glennnn-Daaaale 

-Hank’s recap of the Battle: “This is Glennnn, king of the Glen. This is Daaaale, king (queen?) of the Dale. The Dale and Glen were once one land until the Battle of Glennnndaaaale. Very sad for Gaiiiil, their mom. Their sister, Marrrrsha, inherited the Marsh that no one wanted, so it is a peaceful land.”

Now we are in the Second Battle of GlennnnDale! Accusations were thrown at the brothers and slogans were created: 

-Glennnn had cow pox and did not tell his lady-friends about it 

-A vote for Glennnn is a vote for cow pox for the entire flock 

-Tip the scale for Daaaale 

-Justice for Daaaale 

-A win for Glennnn is a fail for Daaaale

-Daaaale has kind eyes (contrasting the discussion of Glennnn’s eyes from the first day) 

-“If Daaaale fails I will wail”- Julie 

-Glennnn is such a good friend! 

-RiverDAAAALE! 

-What do we know about Daaaale? Nothing! 

-Daaaale is against Net Neutrality 

-We are feeling sheepish about Glennnn 

-Daaaale will prevail 

-Tip the scale for Daaaale 

-Glennnn and Daaaale have beef with each other 

-A vote for Daaaale is a vote for a world of snacks

The Battle paused to introduce and catch up the new guests. Brit explained everything as “Brit brings props from community theatre but they are now their own things and stories.” At this point Daaaale was wearing Shrek ears because Shrek lives in a swamp. (I’m still confused on this one since a dale is not a swamp.) The new guests were happy to jump into the Battle and insisted that cow pox gave us vaccines. As their connection to the stream went in and out it was commented that the Battle is causing wooly connections and shear brilliance of puns. I’m not sure you herd me. Chat declared the puns to be flocking awesome. 

As the Battle waged on and the donations continued to pour in Brit called for peace: “I need to take them back in the same vehicle.” Hank agreed, adding that Glennnn and Daaaale need to go sit in the same basement together. Soon donations were submitted for peace and were tallied under the joint ticket of Gaiiiil and Marrrrrsha. Unfortunately, this peace was short-lived as the debate was reignited by the question of if Glennnn or Daaaale is older. Eventually it was decided that they are twins but Glennnn is older. 

As is to be expected, Harry Potter was soon pulled into the battle. In the heat of anger Glennnn was declared a Slytherin but it was soon walked back. He is a Gryffindor. Daaaale is definitely a Hufflepuff. Both Glennnn and Daaaale love Harry Potter. The discussion of Harry Potter brought us back to Nerdfighteria and Brotherherd 2.0 was born, as were its fans the Herdfighters of Herdfighteria. Quietly Brit lamented, “Why do I feel like they are never going to be returned?”

“I’m for Daaaale, but when I look into Glennnn’s eyes I feel the need to vote for him” commented Hank. There is definitely something about Glennnn’s eyes. Ben (possibly the same Ben from before) made a big donation in Glennnn’s name. He was declared Glennnn’s SuperPAC which was soon replaced with SuperHERD (or SuperFLOCK). Since Glennnn was given larger donations than Daaaale, Glennnn was declared a puppet for Big Sheep. Soon the Second Battle of GlennnnDaaaale was ended due to the $5154 donation that did not vote for either sheep. The votes were tallied and Glennnn won the Second Battle of GlennnnDaaaale. 

As they were finishing up for the night Brit went to wash dishes and found a picture of Reed hugging a different sheep from the theatre… and also a large goat (which Brit did not bring to the stream because it was too big). 

You would think that would be the end of Glennnn and Daaaale for the evening BUT NO! They traveled to Synema Studios to visit that crew into the wee hours of the morning. Michael Aranda questioned why Glennnn gets to be the lord and savior (and wear the crown). He was then given a quick recap of the story. Soon it was discovered that Glennnn and Daaaale were in marching band together as drummers. As the stream continued the Synema crew gave Daaaale a lot more attention than Glennnn because Glennnn is a king and “Daaaale just lives in a swamp” (Note: a dale is not a swamp). At the end of their shift Michael declared that it was more of an honor to be in Daaaale’s presence than Glennnn’s and chat was offended. 

As the 2017 Project for Awesome came to a close Hank thanked Glennnn and Daaaale for their efforts. Glennnn appeared to celebrate the end of the livestream. After John and Hank said goodbye the last shot of the stream was Glennnn.

(Here’s a link to my Butfartman Lore Compliation.)

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour One

God only knows what this hellscape will look like on December 18, so if I’m gonna recap each hour of 1D Day, I might as well do it now, eh?? 1D Day is a gift that none of us really deserved, and yeah, it has a ton of shitty moments, but much like X Factor itself, the true gem is Louis Tomlinson and how much he runs this entire show (and lbr, the band itself), Jesus, god, do I love him.

Anyway, 1D Day aired 7 hours of live content on November 23, 2013 to promote Midnight Memories, and yes, yes, we’ve all seen the gifsets, but like anything else with this band, it’s tremendously better in context. I watched this whole thing a couple of years ago, when I first got into this fandom, but I didn’t know all of the dynamics then, so it’s extra fascinating to me now. We’ve all binged worse shit than this that took way longer, and I promise you won’t regret an hour a night for a week--but if you’d rather read my hot take, here you go, under the cut! Note: these are really shitty screengrabs, and for that, I am truly sorry.

A horrible announcer introduces the D by saying they weigh in at a collective 792 pounds, and all I can wonder is does this mean they have daily weigh-ins, why is it that specific? This focus on their weight is just gross to me. C’mon, writers, you’re better than this (j/k, you aren’t).

The three-foot bubble between Louis and Harry is established pretty early on, with Harry doing the prettiest sitting in all the land before bolting to his feet immediately because Louis happened to walk by his couch. A very real question: Was this bubble a requirement that Ben Winston constantly whispers into their headpieces, or did sbb decide, hey, let’s make it obvious that we have to CONSTANTLY adjust where we stand, even if it’s two feet away because that’s not enough room for Jesus?

There are some truly hilarious guest “stars” to announce, the first being the giant video head of David Beckham, which pops up and immediately starts speaking, so we're already off to the races with a) fuckups and b) Louis’s annoyance at said fuckups.

Liam takes a good hard look at his future:

Harry isn’t allowed to gaze at Becks, he’s off by the listening booth, which is a giant red call box because they’re Briddish, pip pip, cheerio. Unrelated, but I low-key feel like Harry's coked up or else really taking the piss with all his “LIVE BANDDDDDDD,” JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!,” etc., not to mention how fast he’s speaking, the way he grinds on the guitarist’s lap while Louis fonds at the sky, and all the yelling with arms aloft.

The best part of the rundown of the guest “stars” (or breast stars, if you’re Niall) is that we’re only in the first 10 minutes, so everyone’s giving it a go, but then we get to Mr. Simon Cowell, and Niall claps five times to stony silence (me as Harry constantly staring at Louis from three feet away):

Piers Morgan comes out to describe the “grilling” he’s going to give them later, all angry—genuinely angry—that they’re trending on twitter because they keep saying that he smells. And they don’t stop, even here, they keep yelling, “What’s that smell? You stink, etc.,” and he’s such a dick that I want to bottle this moment and spritz it around my house daily.

This mild trash talking continues, with Piers promising “tears from Piers,” but Slytherin Niall pulls the fingernail out of his mouth, smiles that sneaky smile, and says, “Yeah, but this isn’t Piers Morgan Day, is it, this is 1D Day,” and I want a transcript because there’s so much talking, but all of it trashes Piers, and god, I love my sons.

Anyway, they keep winding Piers up (Piers: “I’m going to find out what you’re most embarrassed about,” Liam: “The way you smell,” Piers, genuinely in a rage: “Don’t say that”), and he keeps talking about how he’s interviewed heads of state, etc., the implication being that this is below him, but Niall counters that Oprah and Barbara Walters have, too, and they would have much preferred Oprah, to the point where Piers admits they couldn’t afford Oprah (lmaooooooo). 

We move on to Harry, spinning a twitter wheel that means they’ll follow whoever it lands on, which seems like a cute idea. I’m guessing it’s the official twitter handle?? I don’t know or actually care!

Louis can’t read the teleprompter, and he mutters later that it’s because it makes no sense rather than being too hard to actually see, but me as Niall, already yawning at the 25-minute mark (the bubble is preserved, though, whew):

I’m guessing Scott Mills is the “host” of this show because he comes out with a stick (??) and an agenda (Scott’s no Dermot…he has a face for radio, as they used to say back in the day). This whole section just features a lot of Harry and his pinned sleeves staring at Louis, and honestly relatable:

The next task is toilet paper roll stacking, with two judges from the Guinness Book of World Records on hand to see if this band of hyenas can beat the current world record and stack 28 (!!!!) rolls in 30 seconds. Two reasons to love Louis: he interrupts this idiocy to ask, “How did you two get into this, is this a full-time job you do every day?” (I was wondering the exact same thing), and this is his face for this challenge:

Sadly, they fail, and Harry’s the one who has to tell the judges, “Well, sorry for wasting your time!” with a cheery wave from the ladder. Uh oh, though, the bubble, we’re at two feet:

Much better!

This is still too close for Ben Winston’s comfort, so we split up the teams in what feels like a college course with a lot of money to run fake broadcasting drills. Zouis gets to report from the field, with some tweet rapping; the weather guy, sports guy, and lead broadcaster experience some technical difficulties, prompting Harry’s infamous, “SOMETHING’S GONE WRONG,” and we’re off to Poland:

For a production company that seems hell bent on “no homo,” there are lots of things that raise my brows, like this big “handsome” (Harry’s words) he-man who’s going to pull a “boohs” full of 1D fans over a line, so the boys have to guess how long it’s going to take him…by writing all over his mostly nude body (I’m the eye contact that Harry and Louis maintain during this):

Dude pulls the boohs successfully, so yay! Next up is Wrong Direction, the world’s worst lookalikes (HONESTLY, I’m embarrassed for everyone in this segment on Hollywood Blvd: the idiots who are “fooled” by this, the guys themselves and the low-key insult of it all, myself because this went on for way too long):

I’ll spare everyone the individual matchups because yike, but the real Wrong Direction comes to the studio, with all the guys dressed up like their matches, and the real D is polite, albeit mildly “wtf are we supposed to do about this” (me, too, Zayn). Points to Harry for at least trying to strike up some conversation: “Did you have foon, acting like us?” We’re supposed to vote for the best one on Google+ (lolololololol).

Scott takes two girls who look like they’re legit about to pass out into the red call box so they can be the first people to listen to the new album. While they listen to something none of us can hear, we get some VT (that’s “videotape,” god, I hate the whole lingo lesson we got earlier) of Spain and some fans, all of which feels like lengthy filler. I feel for the people Scott mentions as being asleep during this because there is a LOT of fill. Maybe make this shit shorter, just a suggestion!

Next up is Jamie Scott from his home somewhere in the middle of the night; he wrote most of Midnight Memories along with Louis and Liam, and he gives them an 8.5 in terms of how they did on a scale of 1-10 (and that’s AFTER Louis insults his pillows with the alphabet on them, “In case you forget”). There’s a lot of Lilo hand-shaking in celebration, and some enthusiastic clapping from Harry (a little too enthusiastic…I’m gonna imagine that someone tells him to tone it down in his earpiece because he looks around quite a bit):

A few things happen that don’t really interest me: the first listen of “Through the Dark” (this is skipped in the vid), a remote report from Radio Disney (Harry: “HOLLYWOODDDDDD!”) and a fan who wins the chance to come visit them later in the day, and then we’re back to Scott, who looks exhausted, and it’s only been 40 minutes.

All is not lost, because the next VT is the totally unnecessary yet extremely vital coverage of the D’s exercise regime. I’ve seen so many gifsets of hottttt and sweaty Lirry, but you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Niall’s American accent while he stretches: “Welcome to my workout dvd! I’ll be with you for the next 45 minutes to  give you the lowdown of how I stay in shape.” PLEASE @ NIALL, DO THIS.

I really WANT to be Harry and effortlessly pump out pushups, but in reality I’m Zouis, popping some robot dance moves and drinking Red Bull. The weird shorthand throughout this is that Liam is an animal (Ziam + a whip = fire), Harry’s into flirty sexercise, Niall wants an arse like Kim K’s, Zayn’s a slender boxer, and Louis…just fucks around? Missed opp for footie Louis.

The first performance is “Story of My Life,” and we’ve all seen it before, but godDAMN, Zayn sings like an angel. Lots of technical problems in the audio, prompting quite a few Louis/Harry hand gestures, but still, in spite of it all, they sound amazing individually and together.

Even local asshole Piers Morgan is impressed, as he comes out to tell them that they were surprisingly good, along with a bunch of other neg bullshit. This is another one of those segments that it pays to watch the whole clip of, and Jesus, do I want a transcript. They head over to the couches, and Piers points at Louis and says, “You have the most reason to be nervous,” but Louis’s like, “Yeah, but I’m not,” and wow, #goals.

Everyone gets a couch, and the upshot is that Piers is a terrible egoist who thinks he’s a fantastic interviewer, but he really isn’t…all the questions are shit, and these five eat him alive. Everything he asks falls flat, and it’s so masterfully, subversively handled, from Louis’s iconic “define girlfriends” (and the underappreciated attempt by Harry to define it for Piers later: “Like in primary school, if you hold hands with a girl and you're eight, is that a girlfriend?”) to the obsession with smells (Piers asking Niall, “Why do you always smell,” claiming it’s a fan’s question, and Niall answering that it’s because he had colic as a child, so can only fart; Piers asking Zayn, “Who stinks the worst,” and Zayn saying that they all smell quite good, actually) to Piers demanding to see Zayn’s tattoo and relentlessly attacking him for it being a gun (Louis keeps interjecting that it’s a watergun, but go off I guess, paraphrasing).

But the best is always Louis. “What’s the weirdest thing a girl has done to impress you?” “Tweeted Piers Morgan.” Later, he says pointblank to Piers, “You do stink.” But then…but THEN, it’s the Four interview 1.0, only instead of Ben trying to get Louis to deny gay rumors, it’s Piers, who does it twice: “What’s the one rumor you wouldn’t want to hear about yourself?” Louis’s answer: “That I’m not good at football.” “Are you good?” “No….I just wouldn’t want it confirmed.” Piers tries AGAIN: “What’s the worst thing you’ve had to read about yourself?” but Louis turns it around and says he hates reading about one of the other boys being dead (!).

Because he’s the worst, Piers takes it to the ladies and asks how many girlfriends they’ve had and how many times they’ve kissed a girl. Harry says he’s kissed 8 ladies (which prompts a good scoff out of Zayn), and everyone else says 5 or 6, 3 or 4, etc., with Louis declaring he’s only had one proper relationship (no genders mentioned), so maybe 2 (lmaooooo). Piers gets all excited that he’s kissed more girls than this hot boyband has, and I wanna say, you’re almost there, “friend”…keep working it through.

There’s more antics w/r/t Piers, like his poor 2YO daughter crying, and him trying to blame it on Harry Styles not answering her dad’s sex questions or stupid questions about embarrassing things they’ve caught the others doing, and yeah, I don’t think they’ll get into the big ot5 gang bang on live TV, but ask anyway, I guess?

The last person to suffer sitting next to Piers is Liam, and I love him always, but especially for saying, “How’s it going there, stinky?” when Piers takes a seat to ask him why he’s so sexy. Piers tries to “joke” that the sexy question is for him, but nobody says anything, and then he asks Liam AGAIN before admitting that it’s a shitty question, so then he asks about them all wearing tight jeans, and godddddd, why does anyone let him interview anyone?? 

The good news is that Piers can tell he lost, so as he tells them that he thinks they’re pretty okay, actually, but, “You’ve gotta stop calling me stinky,” and you know they never will.

Scott says it might feel like much longer, but it’s only been an hour, and Zayn’s lookalike won, so we can all rest easy. This hour closes with a review of the highlights, and it’s ham-fisted and awful. Shocking!!!!

I can’t do one of these every single day, but I’ll do hour two sometime soon! Hope you enjoyed this, @justlarried, lol!