#but i went to london last week and i got ill and also had a panic attack

[leninqrad]

this or that game!!! thank u @thalassiokhtos <33

coffee or tea | early bird or night owl | chocolate or vanilla | spring or fall | silver or gold | pop or alternative | freckles or dimples | snakes or sharks | mountains or fields | thunder or lightning | egyptian mythology or greek mythology I ivory or scarlet | flute or lyre | opal or diamond | potions or spells | ocean or desert | mermaids or sirens | masquerade ball or cocktail party | butterflies or honeybees | macarons or eclairs | typewritten or handwritten | secret garden or secret library | rooftop or balcony | spicy or mild | opera or ballet | london or paris | vincent van gogh or claude monet | denim or leather

tagging: @cry4judas @cordeliaflyte @mtvunplugged1996 @stavrakas @iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife @nizynskis

[enwoso]

Ooh a bit of an angsty one!

Can we have something about when Alessia transferred from United to Arsenal and how grumpy reacted to the fans (not all fans but quite a lot of them) turning on Alessia?

Something about the transition period and how they adjusted to the new club please!

Love your writing so much!

FOR THE BETTER — alessia russo x child!reader

sorry to whoever requested this that it has taken me so long, i do apologise! this was supposed to be out last week but then i was ill and then life was busy so it’s been a bit delayed but hey better late than never eh?

ALSO thank you all for 400 followers i love and appreciate each and every one of you all<3🥹

navigation -> grumpy universe masterlist

the past couple of weeks had been a whirlwind for alessia but even more so for you. you weren't used to change nor were you a big fan of change.

you'd had basically the same routine your entire life. same bedtime, same favourite teddy, same favourite colour, same amount of sweets you were allowed before bed.

it was all you had ever known and so was manchester.

so when you got home from being australia it was a little weird to you not be going back home with your auntie ella and the other united girls like you usually would after an england camp.

when leaving for the world cup you didn't realise that, that was going to be the last time you were going to be in that home in manchester, the last time you would wake up in that home.

instead, this time you were going back with lotte and the other girls who lived in london for some strange reason unknown to you.

"mummy! where auntie ella going?" you asked as sat on top of the trolley of suitcases as alessia had went to say goodbye to her best friend not knowing when she would next see her.

"back to manchester lovie" she smiled softly, her voice a little shaky. your eyebrows knitted together a litttle, "why we not go with her, we live dere too!" you pouted, your face struck with confusion.

"lovie, we had this talk before we went to australia" alessia had stopped in the airport, dismissing lotte who stood waiting for her. signalling that you'd catch them back up.

"talk?"

"about mummy,, moving to a new club" the blonde spoke calmly trying to re jog your little memory as your mouth opened to an 'o' shape. realisation hitting you that change was happening as the talk memory appeared back into your head.

"your here, i thought you were watching tv in my room" you jumped a little at the sound of your mummy's voice as she came into your room. you'd been playing a game with your dolls on your bedroom floor.

"you wan be this one?" you asked holding up a doll towards your mum as she smiled, nodding and joined you on your bedroom floor.

"before we play though, i actually need to talk to you" your mum sounded serious as a frown appeared on your face, mummy only ever wanted to 'talk' when you had done something you were not supposed to of.

"oh- your not in trouble lovie"

"so mummy has been asked to join a new football club, called arsenal" she explained to you as the doll in your hand dropped slightly. a slight silence filling the room.

"you still play here?" you asked as your mum shook her head, "no lovie it means we have to move down to london"

you paused for a minute, it processing in your head "oh, but who play tag with after training?" you sadly smiled, you would play tag with millie and ona after each training session.

"i'm sure many of the girls will love playing tag with you, beth and leah play there too" mummy said as you looked back up from the ground.

"from england?" you asked as mummy nodded. it took a little convincing from you but once alessia had assured you, after you were a bit hesitant you agreed and didn't feel as sad about leaving manchester.

since the day in the airport, you had settled into your new home in london. it had already been better than manchester as you already seeing your uncles and grandparents more in the past week than you had the entire time that you lived in manchester.

you had made friends at your new nursery, settling in quick — quicker than alessia expected. as well as decorating your room the colour you wanted as well as picking out a new bed, which mummy had described to you as being your first big girl bed.

alessia of course had already started training for preseason. however you hadn't had a chance to go to training with being at nursery so today would be the first time meeting your mummy's teammates.

you were scared.

you don't remember meeting the united girls, to you they had always been there. but mummy said that was because you were just a baby when you first met those girls.

walking hand in hand with your mummy, your other hand holding your elephant teddy, esme which you'd had since you were really little held close and tight to your chest.

your mummy leading you to where she would put her training bag away, along with your bag before leading you down the long corridors to where the team was having lunch.

the arsenal girls knew that you were coming today and had asked alessia what was the best way to introduce themselves to you, not wanting to make you feel overwhelmed by all the new faces.

alessia suggesting that it be one by one as you weren't the biggest fan of big crowds and being fussed over.

you tugged on your mums arm, asking to be picked up as she did placing you on her hip as she walked deeper into the room. there being a few faces which you recognised that being the three england girls but once you spotted some of the other girls you hid your face deep in your mum's neck.

"oh is that you tiny?" beth beamed as you kept your face hidden feeling the movement of alessia sitting down. her hand rubbing up and down your back to try and soothe you, hoping you would come out from your little shell you'd put yourself in.

"she's gone all shy" alessia shrugged as she tried to peel you from your hiding spot, only whines coming from you as you dug your face deeper into her chest.

"shy? if there's one thing tiny isn't and that's shy!" you heard leah say, as well as your mum hum as she nodded her head in agreement.

it was true when you had the chance you could easily talk for england and would most definitely come away with a gold medal in that type of competition. alessia had her brothers and ella to thank for your chattiness even though she loved to hear you ramble on about anything and everything.

“tiny! do you want to see these photos of myle?” beth tried this time, you had been obsessed with the little puppy that beth had just gotten. myle was so small and any time you were at beth’s you would sit and talk to myle — you considered myle to be one of your best friends since you’d moved to arsenal as she too was getting used to all the new faces just like you were.

this seemed to do the trick as you slowly peeled yourself from your mums chest, half your face turning to look at beth, as the other half was covered with your grey elephant teddy. beth who was on her phone more than likely looking for the photos.

you looked up to your mum still unsure as you could see out the corner of your eye the unknown faces of your mummy’s new teammates. your mummy smiling nodding her head enthusiastically as you slowly climbed down from her lap and over to beth who was sat in between leah and viv.

you fingers in your mouth, you other hand having esme the elephant in it as you walked nervously over to beth, standing next to her as she lifted you onto her lap.

her phone screen in front of you as she showed you an arrange of photos of myle, some with a little scarf wrapped around her collar, some of her just lying asleep around beth and viv’s apartment and the rest were myle with some of the girls who were sat in the room with you right now.

“who dat?” you pointed to one of the girls who was holding myle another one of the girls sat next to her as your face scrunched at the unknown people.

“that’s vic and steph, look their over there!” beth pointed the two girls out as they both noticed you looking at them sending you a small wave, as you returned it. alessia watching on as she talked with leah and viv a smile appearing on the blondes face as she watched you slowly come out of your shell.

beth carried on swiping through the photos as you had now learned who kyra, katie, caitlin and stina were sending them all a small shy wave as beth pointed them out in the canteen.

“who dis?” you pointed to the girl in the photo as beth has swiped to the next photo.

“and that’s lia” beth smiled as you looked at her confused, “no that not leah? le there” you frowned as you pointed to the blonde leah who was sat with your mum across the table from you.

beth chuckling lightly at your little misunderstanding, “no tiny, there’s another lia! look there” beth pointed to the other lia as you awh in realisation, sending the lia a little wave like you’d done with the other girls.

“there two leah’s?” you turn to look at beth, who nodded with a smile on her face.

beth carried on, pointing out each of the arsenal girls as you did your signature shy wave at them as beth felt a slight feeling of accomplishment that you’d began to come out your shell, yes you may have not actually met the girls properly but you’d been introduced to and anyway there was plenty of time for you to meet them, the arsenal girls would not only becoming your mummy’s new teammates but they in time would become part of your family.

alessia had now been at arsenal for a few months now and you both had fully settled in, your home in london had finally come together and your room was fully decorated and in your opinion a lot better than your room in manchester.

and now the league had started and you’d now become fully acquainted with all the girls and as your mum had expected once you’d come out your shell, you loved them all.

after beth sat you down and showed you all the girls, it took you a few days to learn all there faces but you had now learned all about them and they had learned all about you and your little habits too.

katie who you learned was irish and had an accent that you found funny as she would say some words funny like the word three always had you in stitches as it sounded like tree, she was cool too as she would let you get away with being a little naughty sometimes.

caitlin, steph and kyra were all australian, they all had a funny accent to you too but the three of them were all different. caitlin was quiet but she would always let you pass the ball to her and play tag with you once training was done.

steph would let you talk to her as she answered all your questions you had about australia especially after just spending the summer there. and kyra well she would help you cause trouble, she would always sit with you and colour as well as dance around the changing room with you when the music was on.

vic was someone who mummy would sometimes take to training, and who mummy would spent a lot of time with when at training. vic was dutch just like viv. and vic wasn’t a big fan of mummy’s driving and on a morning when you were going to training with the as you sat in the back vic would sometimes sit and complain about mummy’s driving as you would sit in the back in your car seat giggling.

and for lia it had taken you a few days to wrap your head around there being two leah’s as in your mind you had only met one leah and that was blonde leah. so you had decided to give them your own nicknames, leah one and lia two just so you didn’t get confused.

as for the rest of the girls they had all been very welcoming to you and your mummy, helping you both to fit in.

and now it was onto the second match of the season against manchester united, the first time alessia was going to be back since she left. to say she was a little nervous was an understatement but she was trying her best not to show it.

“you okay?” lotte asked knowing how much the blonde had been dreading this fixture to come, and it being so early on in the season was not helping. as she walked into the leigh sports village with alessia, you following suit next to her.

wearing your new arsenal shirt, russo printed on the back in big white capital letters over the top of your hoodie it being a cold october night down in manchester something alessia definitely wasn’t missing since moving back down south.

alessia didn’t say anything just nod as she looked over to her england teammate, her lip bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes making sure not to loose you as you three reached the changing room.

you sat on the bench quietly watching your ipad munching on a few snacks you’d been given as your mummy got changed and did her pre match routine.

“mummy?” you looked up from your ipad, your mum doing her hair as you watched her wrap her bobble around her bun. “yes lovie?” she smiled at you.

“we see auntie ella and mazza?” you asked, you knew that arsenal were playing manchester united as you had overheard mummy talking to auntie ella on the phone you then interrupting and talking to ella and how you were excited to see her after a few months not yet being totally used to not seeing her every single day of the week.

the excitement following through the entire week as it was all you had spoken about to anyone you’d seen, even the staff at your nurseries knew.

“after the game we can, i’m sure they are both just excited to see you” she smiled as you nodded excitedly, you little legs swinging from the bench as mummy kissed the top of your head before smoothing out her kit to change into, your attention going back to your ipad.

the match had now begun and was just nearing half time and you were sat with leah one who had come down on the bus with the team, but she still had a big ouchie on her knee meaning she couldn’t play.

you were wrapped in a blanket with your big thick puffer on which mummy had made sure to zip right up before she ran onto the pitch.

watching with a smile, but that smile quickly dropped as then you noticed.

the manchester united fans were booing your mummy. the same fans which would cheer and shout her name while asking her to sign and take photos with her just a few months ago. they were now booing.

the first time you thought maybe it was just a mistake, but then it happened again. every time your mummy touched the ball, they booed.

“why they booing?” you asked, as leah frowned not knowing how to exactly explain it to you but she could tell it was upsetting you.

“i’m not sure tiny” leah sighed as she pulled you onto her lap so you had a better view of the pitch. making sure your blanket was kept around you to keep you from the crisp cold air.

“me no like it” you huffed, a frown not replacing the smile that was on your face moments ago.

“it’s okay, look your mummy’s got the ball, she might score!” leah tried to turn your focus away from the sound of the booing but that’s all you could hear, it was ringing through your ears.

“stop! make it stop le!” you whined shoving your head into her chest as your fingers went into your ears. leah’s heart dropping as she watched you start to cry, deciding it was probably best to take you into back inside away from all the noise.

alessia watched each step that leah took, you in her arms. your face hidden, alessia knew straight away that the noise of the booing as well as the nasty chants were upsetting you. alessia had learned with time to block them out when she was playing but you were young and took things more sensitively.

leah had turned back to try and catch alessia’s eyes, quickly realising alessia was already watching leah. alessia mouthing a quick, ‘is she okay?’ knowing that was probably a silly thing to ask but she did always before running to get the ball from katie, still noticing the quick thumbs up that leah threw towards alessia.

the booing only spurred alessia on more, wanting to play that well that it would silence them. something the travelling arsenal fans had been good at, chanting louder than the many home fans.

leah took you back into the changing room just after half time has finished doing her best to calm you down and distract you — it taking a few laps around the inside of the stadium and a trip to the food van before the tears stopped.

back in the changing room, you sat down on the bench, your ipad propped up as you both began to watch a cartoon as you placed your blanket across your legs and leah knees being extra careful to not hurt her ouchie on her knee.

you both being very consumed by the bright light of the ipad screen you both didn’t even hear the sound of the changing room door go, the girls beginning to pile in at the end of the match.

“hey lovie” you mum cooed softly, placing a hand on your head slightly startling both you and leah. but you were quickly jumping into her arms as she twirled you around.

“you okay now?” she asked softly as you nodded, your arms wrapped around your mummy’s neck not wanting to let go. alessia rubbing her hand up and down your back as you placed a little kiss on your cheek, mouthing a thank you to leah who smiled nodding her head.

“good” alessia whispered, as you let go from hugging you mum as you sat on her hip. “why were they booing” you asked innocently, the same frown appearing from earlier, since you didn’t get a proper answer from leah, you might from mummy.

“there just upset i left that’s all lovie, there silly anyway and there nothing you-” your mummy began as your frown still stayed, “-need to worry about, okay” she finished booping your nose a small smile flashing on your lips.

“i know you love me and that’s all that matters” mummy told you with a smile as you nodded.

“now we need that smile to come back, cause i don’t think auntie ella and mazza will want to see you all grumpy!”

[itsjulesstuff]

@rosekillermicrofic 🥀 2 July 🥀 Prompt: Echo 🥀Words count: 328 🥀 TW: mention of abuse and death, mental illness

🥀

Sometimes his pain was unbearable. He was alone. And desperate.

Just another few weeks. And he would come back to his real home: in Evan’s arms.

Summer breaks were horrible for Barty, but that one, before his final year at Hogwarts, was the worst. Being with his father all the summer was awful.

And Barty could only hope that time would pass as fast as possible.

In London, before parting and coming back to their families, Evan said to him, holding his hands: -It’s the last summer break Bee, I know you can do it, I believe in you… At the end of the seventh year, we will run away, together. I promise. I love you Bee.

The voices in his head kept telling him to surrender, that no one would care about him being dead or alive.

But Barty could also hear the echo of Evan’s voice in his head: “I love you… I love you…”

And that gave him the strenght to endure and fight for his life.

It was difficult, but he survived his father’s abuses.

And now he was there, at King’s Cross, and the Hogwarts Express was right in front of him.

Barty got on the train and immediately went to their usual compartment.

And there he was: his Evan.

Barty threw himself in his arms and started to cry his heart out.

Finally he felt safe.

He was safe.

Evan was heartbroken: he had never seen his Bee in that state.

He was covered with bruises, he was physically and mentally exhausted.

If he had his father right in front of him, he would torture him and kill him, with no remorse.

He would make that man suffer more than he did to his love.

But all Evan could and would do now was staying by Barty’s side.

It must have been terrible, but his Bee was so brave, he was so proud of him.

Now they were together. It was finally over.

[sebastianswallows]

Beautiful memories — Chapter 1

— PAIRING: Sebastian Sallow x F!MC (aged up)

— SYNOPSIS: Sebastian is sentenced to Azkaban for six months. When he is released, he finds MC is expecting a child, and is filled with anger and jealousy and confusion. He just doesn't know the child is his yet.

— WARNINGS: angst, just a lot of angst (eventually there will be fluff and smut, but in later chapters)

— WORDCOUNT: 2.7k

— A/N: This fic is for a prompt by @pugsnotdrugs92, and I was also asked to write a similar fic by at least one anon.

Sadly, since she gave me that prompt, Pugs has deleted her blog. I have just learned this tonight and I am... pretty damn upset, I'll say that (not at her of course 💗, but at what caused it).

I will just say that if you get hate from anyone, block them, block indiscriminately until you have peace. I hope that Pugs (and anyone who deleted their blog as part of this mess) will make an account on this hellsite again one day <3

Anyway! On with the fic. Hope you enjoy it, my dears 🌺

Nobody had any idea who turned Sebastian in. It came so unexpectedly that they almost didn’t believe it when he happened. After all, it had been two years since Solomon’s death, and everyone in Feldcroft believed he died in his sleep.

“I know it isn’t me,” she said tearfully to Ominis one day, “and I know it isn’t you.”

“And it wasn’t Anne either,” said Ominis with a shake of his head.

“Are you sure? She still isn’t speaking to Sebastian.”

“She protected him this whole time, why would she report him to the ministry now? She might not forgive Sebastian, but she wouldn’t do this to him…”

Their suspicions fell on Leander, or the goblins, or any number of rivals Sebastian had made, but none of their suspects were likely to even know the truth about what happened that day in the catacomb. It therefore stood to reason that someone had overheard them speaking about it at some point, but that did little to narrow it down — for all they knew, one of the portraits had heard them and reported it to the Headmaster.

Ultimately, it didn’t matter who told the Aurors about it. The trio rushed through their N.E.W.T.S. half-heartedly, with Sebastian unsurprisingly scoring lower than he ever had, and in their spare time they spoke of nothing but the upcoming trial.

They’d even arranged for a solicitor for Sebastian, and visited him via floo in London, but he only spoke to his client in private. And every time Sebastian walked out of the wizard’s office, he looked more discouraged than the last.

The trial took place during summer, right after their 7th year ended. Both she and Ominis attended it every day. Imelda came sometimes as well, and Poppy, and Lucan — even Garreth attended on two occasions. He’d never liked Sebastian much, but he seemed to put aside his feelings throughout all of this.

“They don’t mean to send him there, do they?” he whispered as they sat outside the courtroom one sweltering afternoon.

“Where else?” said Imelda. “They closed all the other wizarding prisons centuries ago.”

“But he’s supposed to have done it while he was still a student…”

“What d’you expect? That they’ll give him detention for murder?”

“No, but…”

“You don’t think he really did it, do you, Imelda?” asked Poppy, leaning over Garreth.

“He didn’t,” said Ominis without even glancing their way.

“That’s right,” she said from beside Ominis. “Sebastian’s done nothing wrong.”

The trial went badly almost from the start. The judge was a grey old wizard in a funny wig, and there was no jury to speak of. He seemed to treat the death of a former Auror, even one of such ill repute as Solomon, quite seriously. The Prosecution leaned into that every chance they got.

Anne was called to give testimony in the first week, and she confessed under oath what she had found when she reached the catacombs, which was enough to shock the court. Sebastian’s friends took courage from the fact that she had not actually seen what killed Solomon, but it was only a matter of the judge drawing a line between a quick succession of events.

Ominis was called to the stand as well, but lied shamelessly. Even the threat of Veritaserum from the Prosecution didn’t sway him. He knew none of them would dare submit a Gaunt to that — a rare occasion of his family name amounting to something. However, him being Sebastian’s oldest friend cast doubt upon his entire deposition…

And then, she was called to give testimony as well. Unlike Ominis, she was not sure she could afford to lie, but nothing could get her to betray Sebastian.

All that she could remember was that Solomon attacked the both of them, and both she and Sebastian felt quite threatened by him, and then somehow, between the flying curses and roving Inferi, Uncle Solomon fell dead. But that happened, after all, more than two years ago, Your Honour, and it was in a dark and gloomy cave — and oh, what were they doing there? Objection. Relevance?

Ominis and the others congratulated her on well she held her own, but deep down, she felt like she had let her best friend down — her statement didn’t put the blame on Sebastian, but neither did it exonerate him.

By the time the trial was approaching the end, their former classmates had stopped coming, and only she and Ominis were left.

“He looks so —”

“I know,” said Ominis, not wanting to hear her describe him. This was on the last day, and the judge would give the verdict.

Guilty. Six months in Azkaban.

The courtroom reverberated with murmurs from the crowd — some in approval, others in outrage.

It was a horrible sentence to hear, but it was not as bad as their worst fears — people were often given life imprisonment for the Unforgivables. Fortunately, in Sebastian’s case, there was not enough conclusive evidence either way. Still, if they were to appeal, it would take longer than six months to even have a new judge assigned to the case, so they were left with no choice but to accept it.

As the Aurors led Sebastian away, she and Ominis stood together and called out useless encouragements to their friend, telling him to have courage, to be strong, have faith that he would soon be free, but he went with the guards without looking back at them…

Most of their former classmates were shocked but seemed to think the six-month sentence would pass quickly. They knew Azkaban was pretty horrible and could remember a few things from their DADA class, but none of them was truly educated on the nature of Dementors. Ominis was. He’d been in their presence when he and his father went to visit an uncle of his who’d been sentenced for murdering a muggle. He claimed it was the worst experience he’d ever had in his life — worse than Crucio, in its own way. He still remembered how the despair lingered inside him for days.

And as time passed, she became aware of something lingering within herself as well…

By the fourth month, she had to use concealment charms around her waist when she went out in public. Ominis figured it out on his own — it was probably that echolocation spell he used to get around. He’d merely been suspicious at first, but by the fifth month…

“Can anyone else see?!”

“No, and they won’t if you just stop —”

“But this could ruin your reputation!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!”

“I can’t believe you! How c—”

“Ominis, shut up,” she hissed.

“But you —”

“It’s Sebastian’s!”

“… Oh. I suppose that makes it better, then.”

From then on, Ominis supported her and helped her in any way he could — which admittedly wasn’t much, as he was still getting used to living on his own after being freed from his family’s clutches. And either way, the first few months were gentle enough on her that she could cope well enough on her own. The only help she needed was preparing her small flat to host two people — and eventually three — which meant some creative furniture transfiguration to fit everything in too small a space.

Christmas arrived in the meanwhile, then the New Year. They had tried writing to him every month by then, but the authorities kept sending their letters back — none were allowed for fear of concealed enchantments, they said, and no visitations were allowed either for lower-class prisoners. It broke her heart to know him all alone throughout those rotten months and all through the holidays. Neither she nor Ominis found it in them to celebrate anything that year…

Sebastian was released in February. They wouldn’t be allowed on the island of Azkaban, but they could see him at the Ministry, where he would be transported before he was officially freed.

She and Ominis got there at sunrise, and waited for hours.

Sebastian’s assigned solicitor couldn’t be there, as he had another case, but he sent a house elf to sign the release form in his name. Anne hadn’t come either, but that was hardly a surprise…

The two of them sat alone in a busy hallway, watching witches and wizards pass through — some going in, some going out — until finally, late in the afternoon, the Auror at the front desk told them that inmate Sallow would be arriving within minutes.

“Here, here, they said this will be the exit,” she said, pulling on Ominis’ sleeve.

Two large wooden doors lay open out of which a long dark hallway extended like a neck, and on either side were doors being shut and open of ministry workers travelling through. There was constantly a small crowd of people darkening that space even further.

“I think that’s him,” she said, standing on the tips of her toes when she spotted a dark ruffled head of hair.

“Alright, stay calm,” said Ominis, taking her hand to settle her. Since he’d realised that she was pregnant, he was instinctively more protective.

“Oh, it is! It is him!” she said with tears in her happy voice.

Sebastian was led out of one of those side doors — dressed in a grey and black prisoner’s uniform, his hands and feet chained, terribly thin and tired and bent at the back, and looking as if he hadn’t slept for days…

“Sebastian!” she called out, waving to him with the hand that wasn’t in Ominis’ grasp. “Over here!”

He looked up slowly, as if doubting that he’d heard his name called. His eyes searched blearily through the crowd ahead, not really focusing anywhere, but then they fell on her. She grinned brightly when she caught his gaze.

“Y-you came?” he said, looking at the two of them like they were a dream come true.

“Of course,” she said.

“Surely you didn’t expect anything else,” grinned Ominis.

“I… I need to go somewhere, they’re taking me to… to…” He didn’t have time to explain before Aurors led him around the corner and to another room, for processing.

“We’ll be here,” she called out after him, “we’ll wait for you!”

“How does he look?” whispered Ominis. “He sounded quite weak.”

“He looks… the way he sounded,” she said, “but he’ll be alright… He has to be. We’ll make sure of it.”

Less than thirty minutes later, Sebastian stepped back outside. He was now dressed the way he was when they arrested him: a faded green sweater and black trousers with worn old leather shoes. The clothes hung on his lanky frame, his face was all angles and shadows, and he looked as if he hadn’t had a wash in the whole six months. He was, of course, without his wand as well — they’d broken that after his sentencing.

But there was a still little light still left in his eyes, and it shone when he saw his friends again. He called out her name and Ominis’, and walked toward them with feeble brisk steps.

“I can’t believe it,” he grinned weakly, his steps growing bolder the closer he got to his friends. “I never thought —”

But then he noticed their joined hands, and her swollen stomach, and it nearly stopped him in his tracks. He only caught the sight for a second before she let go of Ominis and rushed to embrace him.

“Seb,” she cried out as she jumped into his arms. She clung to his neck like a lifeline. “I’ve missed you so much…”

“I’ve… missed you too,” he said, his voice low and uncertain.

She buried her face in his neck while Sebastian’s eyes fell to Ominis — who embraced him too from the other side in an uncharacteristic display of affection, before he stood back timidly.

“How… erm, how are you?” he asked with a nervous smile, feeling more happy than he cared to admit, and relieved to have his friend back in one piece.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” said Sebastian. Gently, he dropped the girl from his arms and slowly pulled away.

“Of course,” she said, wiping her tears and stepping back, but keeping his hand clasped in hers. “You don’t have to. You don’t have to say anything. We just came to take you home. It’s alright now… You’re free, you’re finally back. We’ve missed you so much…”

“Home?” said Sebastian, looking between her and Ominis coolly. “Whose home is that?”

“Well… whichever one you want,” she said. “Yours or mine or…”

“I don’t think I’m ready to see Feldcroft again,” said Sebastian. “But I wouldn’t want to… impose on either of you.”

“What?” frowned Ominis. “Don’t be stup— I mean, don’t worry about that, Sebastian.”

“Oh, is there something to worry about?” he asked.

“Well —”

“We don’t need to discuss that —”

“— here.”

“— now.”

“… I see.”

“Don’t concern yourself with anything,” she smiled, stepping up to him again and embracing him loosely. “Let’s leave this horrible place first…”

They made their way out of the ministry building and through the cold London streets toward Diagon Alley, and his friends talked to him excitedly about the things that had happened: what their former classmates were doing, what they knew about Anne, even the latest Quidditch matches.

They probably felt less cheerful than they seemed, but their enthusiasm was overflowing as they prattled on about all the normal things people their age should care about, almost as if nothing bad had happened at all. They laughed, and smiled, and rubbed his back, and all the while there was in Sebastian’s gait much of the same imprisoned and defeated look as there had been when he was led out of the courtroom at his sentencing.

“We wrote to you while you were there,” she said as they approached the Leaky Cauldron.

“But the damned guards never delivered them,” said Ominis.

Sebastian listened in silence, and they tacitly agreed it was because of what he had been through. He would open up to both of them in time, they were certain…

They decided to have lunch at the Cauldron since neither of them had eaten anything since morning — and they didn’t even wish to think of the food in Azkaban. They ordered sausages and eggs and mashed potatoes and a great big serving of pickled pumpkin.

Sebastian ate the least out of the three of them — and what he didn’t finish, she devoured. Ominis hid his chuckle behind a cough, while Sebastian could barely look at her. If she noticed it, she didn’t say. She just kept smiling and laughing along with Ominis…

More than ever in Azkaban, he wished he could dig a hole for himself through which to disappear. The Leaky Cauldron was noisy and crowded, the smell of food made his stomach turn, and every scrape of a chair was like a scratch across his brain. Even sitting down was uncomfortable, his muscles too thin and his back too weak to hold him. He moved uncomfortably from one position to another, and let his friends prattle on to fill the emptiness between them.

After almost an hour, they decided to leave, and Sebastian nodded in agreement.

“I’m seeing someone at the ministry next Wednesday about a position,” said Ominis as they walked toward the fireplace. “But I can stop by afterwards if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” she said. “You’re always welcome, you know that.”

“Do you have enough chocolate at home? I can bring some more.”

“Shelves full of it,” she laughed. “But more is always a good idea. I suspect we’ll need it.”

“Well, I’ll bid you two goodbye for now, then,” said Ominis as he waved them off, blissfully oblivious to what was going through Sebastian’s mind.

“Goodbye,” she said with a tearful smile, letting go of Sebastian for a brief while to hug their friend once more.

“I’ll let you know before I arrive on Wednesday.”

“Not to worry, Ominis. We’ll be alright… Everything will be alright now.”

“I hope so…”

“And good luck with your interview!”

“Thank you… Although I’m not sure I want it.”

“Thank you, Ominis,” said Sebastian tiredly. “For… everything.”

“Don’t be silly,” he smiled. “I’m glad to have you back. We both are. Just focus on getting well again…”

Sebastian nodded, not feeling that any of their kind words were true. He disappeared in the green flames with her, wishing for once to not appear on the other end.

[ratherembarrassing]

2024: weeks 36 through 38

here are some things i had thrown into a note

beetlejuice beetlejuice (2024). cute! enjoyable but not mindblowing, but representative of a the middle class of films that no longer exists and which i miss dearly.

corridors of power (bbc, 2024). i'm still making my way through it, but if you're excited by seeing formerly powerful people say absolutely batshit crazy things about the exercise of that power, this might be for you too.

maria abramovich's this or that for GQ germany.

and now: LONDON (a chronological series of happenings)

airplanes: still miserable. i do think that we need to rethink international airtravel, because 23 hours in a plane is just ridiculous. nonetheless, in keeping with tradition, i had a pretty good 8-9 hours sleep, which i measured by having hotd on and every few hours waking up to wonder what all the screaming was about.

immediately spent money on clothes: it could not be helped. i've been staying walking distance from brick lane and these things happen. now i own a levis jacket that's as old as i am that fits me perfectly, as god intended.

food: part 1. took my cousin, who is also in london on holiday rn, to dishoom, per literally everyone's recommendation. you were all entirely correct.

food: part 2. abuelo in marylebone, served me some vanilla fig jam on a plate of random other foods that was, without exaggeration, the most delicious thing i have ever eaten. i literally asked if i could buy a jar. i could not, and i will feel sad about this for the rest of my life.

punished for the crime of being interested in a crime: the british museum. the parthenon room was closed, so what even was the point. anyway, i was generally unimpressed, with some exceptions (who amongst us is not moved by the existence of the rosetta stone, also a very good prints and drawings exhibition). but also my god, would it kill them to install some aircon (a sentiment i have felt applies to almost everywhere i have been in london thus far)?

very far away: kingsmeadow. opening week for my beloved chelsea, i could have wept from happiness. sat next to a local woman and her husband who come every week and talk about the team like they are each girl's parents and biggest stans, and it was entirely perfect.

did i mention: CHAPPELL FUCKING ROAN. yes, i queued for like five hours. i was 68th in the priority queue, which is behind the vips but in front of everyone else. all i did to get in that queue was buy an o2 sim card for £20, which i needed anyway. it was fun, everyone made friends, you could come and go as you pleased and we all made sure everyone got their spot back even as we were repeatedly shuffled up the side street behind the brixton o2. it was nice and wholesome and exactly what you would expect from the 99% of people who aren't assholes and also into this lovely woman. the rest is just a blur of askldhjalsk. objectively, she's not the best performer going right now, the show's not overly produced beyond a set list of songs and a bit of banter, and absolutely none of that matters in the face of how quietly charismatic she is and the absolutely insane set of pipes she's got. it was fucking intense, man. zero regrets about the time and money (oh my god, the money) it took to make this happen, delighted to have corrected my grievous mistake of choosing not to go to her show in melbourne last year.

i don't think my insurance covers this: ebiking across north and east london. first attempt was, uh. ill conceived, and i will never recover from seeing my phone go flying in one direction into the street as i went skidding along in the wet, still in the bike lane. phone's fine, i'm fine, not sure why i decided today was the day to ride a bike for the first time in 15 years. second attempt went much better.

sportsball 2: this time bigger! like the absolute turncoat that i am, i also went to arsenal's opener at emirates with 40k other people. sat next to a woman with her 13 year old daughter who come every few months and who noted early on, pointedly, that it was unfortunate we weren't sitting on the other corner, where we would have been closer to the WAGs. love this mum for this kid.

food: part 3. i just ate the most delicious burger i've ever eaten, wtf???

coming up: i fought a battle with booking.com, and i won, and tomorrow i'm off down the south coast for a few days. LA's roads didn't kill me, but london's might.

[agent-barnes40]

Can't Catch Me Now

Part 1 here and Part 2 here

13th Doctor x Reader (Platonic by Reader, Romantic by Doctor)

Dhawan!Master X Reader (romantic)

Kinda jumps around this time but ends up at Timeless Child episodes. It took ten days, but I got this part finished!

2,242 Words

You had been happier the last couple of weeks, running around with the Fam and The Doctor. It was like a switch had been flipped in your brain with that headache you had, you had become who you were during the start of adventuring with her. You still talked about your boyfriend, mentioning that you hadn't heard from him.

Today's adventure was meeting Mary Shelley. You had dressed for the occasion, something Regency era. Of course, you were the one that really dressed for the occasion, the rest were supplied with whatever The TARDIS had given them. You spun in the console room, catching the Doctor rolling her eyes at how over the top your outfit was. "You always say fit in to the time period. Thought I'd actually do it this time."

Yaz rose a brow and looked at you. You were still you but it was different to the rest of the Fam, you went from being like this to hanging off The Master's arm and then being back to that happy, trying to fit in person you are, it was a hard adjustment. The TARDIS landed and Yaz just shook her head, when Graham had sent her a look.

The group of you stepped directly into a downpour, drenching all of you. You groaned and looked over at The Doctor who also was just as drenched as the rest of the Fam. "What's wrong with a little rain?"

"We're humans, we get to cold and then we get sick. I'm gonna end up with an illness from 1816!" You weren't really that angry but you wanted it known that you didn't want to die from an illness that she couldn't treat.

"Can't believe we're fighting in the rain." The Doctor grumbled and you laughed softly, the Time Lord seeming to brighten even more at the sound.

You shook your head and pointed to the Villa in front of you. "I'm going to see if we can get shelter there if anyone wants to join me."

Graham had immediately joined you on your trek up to the villa while Ryan stalled for a moment before rushing to catch up, leaving Yaz and The Doctor to trail behind. You didn't hide your flinch when a lightning strike happened and The Doctor started to speed up, leaving Yaz behind to grab your hand. That instinctual need to protect you still raging in her hearts.

~

Of course you all had to investigate what was wrong with the villa. Of course Byron had to start flirting with The Doctor and each time The Doctor ignored him, he had turned to you and started to try on you. The man had stepped up next to you as you watched The Doctor check the walls.

"You really are beautiful." Byron whispered.

Your head whipped around and you didn't even think and slapped him. "Excuse me! I am happily in a relationship!"

The Doctor whipped around to see what had happened and sighed at the sight of you glaring at Byron while the man held his cheek. "Now Doctor, I think you need to get your companion under control!"

Your mouth dropped open and you glared at him. "No wonder you can't return to London! All you do is flirt with everyone and at the first sight of someone actually disgusted at your actions, you try to blame it on the person!"

~

Byron and you did not get along well after that and of course you got separated from The Doctor and The Fam, instead stuck in a room where the only entertaining thing was to stare at the wall. You tried to ignore the headache that was brewing, one that you thought was caused by the moving villa issue and being constantly annoyed.

You noticed a purple sleeve and a familiar hand waving at the other side of the room. "Hey doc!"

"Yeah? What's wrong?" The Doctor shouted back.

"Have any of you seen a purple sleeve coming out of the wall yet?" You shouted.

"Do not grab it! I mean it!" The Doctor yelled.

You turned to face the wall where her voice was coming from. "The hand looks familiar, Doc. Are ya sure I shouldn't grab it?"

You barely had time to think before that arm and hand turned into a grumpy looking Renegade Time-Lord, his eyebrow raised and staring right at you. "Come on, pet. Its time to go."

You heard thumping on the wall next to you as you stared at The Master, your brain raising alarms as he walked closer. "Come on! It's time to get you home."

"Do not go with him! Just stay there, love!" The Doctor shouted.

Your body made the choice for you and grabbed his hand, and he pulled you tight to his body, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Sorry, Doctor! Took your favorite pet!"

~

You were curled up under a blanket in The Master's TARDIS, on his couch and you just stared him down. Your body seemed to relax around him and yet your brain was giving you warning signs left, right and center. The Master just ignored your stare as he piloted.

"Why did you take me?"

"Because you are mine, love. I don't know what she did to your head but you have no memories of me." He said, turning to look at you.

"You look like my boyfriend, but he doesn't wear all purple." You had turned your head, you couldn't look into his eyes.

"Yeah, he does. Sure, I didn't wear it undercover because that would be just way to obvious."

“Why me?”

“Because I am dating you, I swore to protect you and she did something to your head to make you forget all about who I actually am.”

It took a minute for your brain to catch up. His face was oddly familiar and suddenly you were surging towards him to pull him into a hug. Your brain was still figuring out pieces but you got the major factor, O and this Master guy was the same. The Master eagerly clutched onto you and pressed multiple kisses to your head. He wasn't about to tell you how long he had been just in your peripherals the last couple of weeks, trying to get your attention. He certainly wasn't going to tell you about how much he had missed you.

The two of you just clutched onto each other for awhile, you finally pulled away from him when you started to think about The Doctor. "What do you mean she did something to my head?"

The Master grabbed your hands, rubbing them with his thumbs. "I think she removed every bit of me using my name and who I am from your brain while keeping my alias there, and of course, my real name. Probably a big shock for her to realize you knew the name I used all those lifetimes ago."

You just listened to him, you hadn't heard from him in so long, at least in your brain it felt like it had been forever. You barely noticed how tired you had started to get. The Master kept his eyes on yours, gently, very gently pushing on the block he had assumed The Doctor had made.

"It's okay if you fall asleep, I still have your room ready." He quietly said, his eyes catching how yours had started to go distant.

You could feel that headache starting to build again and you absentmindedly started to fight against him. His grip tightened on your hands. "I know, I know. Its probably going to hurt with how much you were in pain last time."

"W-we thought you caused that one, Master." Your voice breaking as you tried to focus on him and not on the pain in your head.

"Wasn't me, sweetheart. I wouldn't knowingly cause you that much pain unless I absolutely have to, like right now." The Master mumbled, closing his eyes to focus fully on breaking apart the block.

~

You waited for The Doctor to show up, you were sat next to Feekar, a soft smile on your face. "The Doctor will come. She always will. She likes saving humanity even if it's at the last second."

You could hear her from a mile away, she was never able to keep her voice quiet, even in battle fields. You slowly stood up and looked for her, catching her jacket in the distance. "Doctor!"

You watched as she stopped, head twisting in your direction, and you waved your arms. The Doctor stilled and it was like she physically relaxed when you jumped so she could see your face.

The Doctor practically ordered the Fam to follow behind her while she hurried to get to you. You were running to her and you smiled at the sight of her. "How long has it been for you guys?"

"We've been hunting down Ashad, from the villa!" Yaz snapped and your brows furrowed.

"Who?" You asked, looking over at her.

"There was a Cyberman inside the villa, it was crazy!" Ryan chimed in and you smiled.

"Okay, makes sense why you guys are here in the future then, during a Cyberman invasion." You looked over at The Doctor, whose brows furrowed.

"How long have you been here?"

You shrugged and then pulled a little writing pad from your pocket, looking at the marks on it. "Like a month or two. Days get blurry when the attacks happen."

The Doctor's face fell and she reached out to grab your hand and you pulled your hand away, shoving the pad back into your pocket. "No time for sentiments, Doc. I have people I'm trying to protect. These people are the last of humanity here. I'm not having my people die and be upgraded because we're here chatting."

"How did you even get here?" Yaz and Graham asked at the same time.

"I'm guessing The Master. I mean, the last thing I remember is him grabbing my hand at the Villa." You replied, turning to head back to Feekar.

The Doctor hurried to reach your side, pressing next to you, her hand grabbing yours. "Did he hurt you?"

You shrugged. "Probably, he's the Master. He doesn't like humans."

"But he likes you." The Doctor pointed out and you scoffed.

"Oh yeah, enough to dump me in the middle of humanity's last stand against the Cybermen with no protective gear, no way to get in contact and I'm the only one in this group who knows how to contact you. It's by sheer luck I've lived this long, and kept my race alive. So if you are truly here to help, then ask me questions later, save my people now." You ordered, pulling away from her and looking up at the sound of the whirring.

"Whatever you guys have in your hands, I hope its enough to keep them safe." You snapped.

You turned to Feekar and nodded. "Lets get people into buildings!"

~

You all were separated. You stuck with The Doctor, Ryan and Ethan, as you all headed to Ko Sharmus, to the boundary. The Doctor kept looking over at you, it was like you had vastly changed from back at the Villa. You had held yourself more confidently, and more secure in who you were. Something had changed, and it probably had to do with The Master.

You were wearing 21st century clothing that had been patched up with other fabric, which led her to assume you had gotten hurt during the attacks. You looked like you had aged a lot during the month or two you had been fighting the Cyberman, but it was probably just stress.

The shuttle landed and you all got out, she watched as you took a moment to straighten your clothes.

You watched as the sky started to shift to purple as the Boundary started to open up again, you took a deep breath. You were going to get at least Ethan to safety, that's what matters.

"Yaz looking for The Doctor on all frequencies!"

The Doctor rushed over to the radio. "Yaz! We can hear you! Can you hear me?"

"Doctor!"

"Where are you?"

"We're on a cyberbattle cruiser, with that cyber guy, with a lot of cyber troops that are waking up."

"Yaz, get off that ship now."

"We can't! We're trapped and they're about to break in."

The sky started turning a deeper purple and you took another deep breath. Everything was just about to start. You could see the capital city of Gallifrey.

"What is that?"

You turned to look at Ethan, shrugging. "Looks like home."

The Doctor turned to look at you, her eyes widening. "That's not possible."

"That's my home planet." The Doctor mumbled, turning back to look at the burning city through the portal.

You turned to look at Ko Sharmus. "That's Gallifrey."

"Well I've never seen it look like that!"

"How is Gallifrey here?"

The Master suddenly appeared, stumbling forward and groaning a small bit. "Wow!"

"Great entrance, Master! Right on time!" You called, starting to step forward towards him while The Doctor stared in shock.

The Master held his hand out and you grabbed it, smiling. He turned to face you while keeping an eye on The Doctor, subtly checking you for injuries while you turned to face back toward The Doctor.

"You should be afraid, Doctor, 'cause everything you thought you knew, is going to change. Forever."

[xojennyboo]

A/n: hello readers! Here’s a small update. I know I said I would upload Monday but things got in the way. I hope you like this, please don’t hesitate to submit your requests. I would love to hear your feedback! Sorry for any editing issues! I tried to post by today! Thank you for reading and Happy Birthday Harry!

You and Harry have been best friends for years. Both of you have an immense amount of love for each other. You’ve never dated one another, one reason being that you didn’t want to risk the friendship you have. Both of you hame been inseparable since you became friends 10 years ago. You’ve helped him through heartaches, through panic attacks, through successes, etc. He has done the same for you, although not as frequent now that he’s talking to someone.

Although you want Harry to be happy, you find yourself disliking when he started a new romance.in the past it wasn’t an issue but once the relationships were more serious and were longer, he would distance. Obviously, you understood his reasoning behind it, but you never understood why some females were weirded out about their partners having a female best friend. With this relationship, you first found his girlfriend to be super chill. She was nice at first but as the months passed by, she would start hogging up Harry. He barely had any time for you anymore which hurt. Tom says to give it time, but you felt neglected.

This week though you had to suppress those feelings because Harry’s birthday was in the next few days. You were super excited since you wanted to throw a surprise party with all of his friends and family. He was currently in London and would be coming back to California the day before his birthday. Jon assured you that Harry will not be at his house that day. This gave you the opportunity to go all out on the decorations. You made sure that the invitations were given to all the guests last month. You had also ordered his cake a couple of weeks prior. Catering was also taken care of. This was your big project, and you were so happy to surprise him. You just hoped everything ran smoothly.

The week passed by pretty quickly and Harry’s birthday was tomorrow. You got up super early and went to Harry’s house to start decorating. His house was huge, in your opinion, which meant that you would literally take all day with decorating. Jon was helping you get everything ready. You decided that majority of the decorations was to be black decorations. This would allow for the picture-perfect pictures that the guests could take. For balloons you had purchased a bunch of black balloons with a bunch of clear LED balloons to light up the ceiling and staircase. Of course, you also got gold and silver decorations and balloons to give it pop. The day flew by so quickly and you didn’t realize it was dinner time. “You want to order take-out", Tom asks, sitting on the floor tired of helping you with placing the balloons. “Sure, you know my order right”, you say, placing the last balloon on the arch. “Yeah, Ill be right back”, he says before exiting the house.

You looked around the room and was super proud of the work you and Tom did. You were also thankful that he went to the liquor store to stock up on everything that involves alcohol. As you were picking up the garbage that was left on the floor you felt your phone ring. Once you saw who it was your face lit up. Harry. “Hey stranger", you answered the phone. You haven’t spoken to him since he went to London. Although you were happy to near his voice, you were soon sad when it wasn’t him on the other line, it was his girlfriend. “Y/n, hi, it’s H/G/N”, she says, although her friendliness sounded fake. “Hey. As everything alright? Why’re you using Harry’s phone?”, you ask with a bit of concern. "Everything is alright. I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow's celebration", she says. What could she possibly want to talk about. All she had to do was bring him here. “Okay. What’s up”, you say, taking a seat on the steps of the staircase. “Listen, I know you’re his friend, but I would prefer if you not be there”, she says.

You were shocked. You really tried processing what she just said. "Hello?", you hear on the other line. “You’ve kidding right?”, you say. You hear a snarky giggle on the other end. “No, I’m not kidding. Me and Harry are in a good place right now, and I don’t want your presence to ruin that”, she says. You were fuming. “You have some fucking nerve telling me not to attend this”, you yelled. “Listen, I’m his girlfriend, not you. His family is attending, and I want to make a good impression and I don’t want you in the middle of it”, she says. You scoffed at her reasoning. “If you really want him to be happy, and if you are really his best friend, then you would do this for him, for us”, she says. “Why do you dislike me so much?”, you ask. The front door opened showing Tom with a bag of food. He scrunched his eyebrows looking at you. You put the phone on speaker so he could listen. “I don’t need to discuss those reasons with you. Just stay away from Harry. I asked you nicely, and it would be such a shame if I create a scene at his birthday party. You decide”, she says and hangs up.

“Was that?”, he starts asking but cut him off. “Yeah. You wanna know what she asked me to do?”, your chest was pounding rapidly at how angry you were. You could hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest. “What?”, he asks. “She asked me to not show up tomorrow night or else she’ll cause a scene”, you say. “What the fuck. She can’t be serious", he says, sitting down next to you on the stairs. “I’m not sure, but I don’t want her creating a scene. We’ve worked so hard Tom. His family will be here as well. I don’t want things to be awkward”, you say. “Still, he’ll question you not being here”, he says. “I know, just tell him I had something to do”, you say defeated. Nothing was going to ruin his special day and if that meant you had to stay away, then so be it.

The next day quickly came. You slept in Harry’s house in order to prepare any last-minute details. Throughout the day you made sure everything was okay before you left to your apartment. The day that you were so happy about turned into a gloomy day since you weren’t going to be with the person you cared about the most. “Okay Tom, cake is here, caterers are here, DJ is setting up now. Everything should be ready”, you say looking around one last time. “It’s perfect. You did amazing", he says. “We did amazing", you clarify causing him to chuckle. “You planned it, I just helped. I can’t believe you’re really not coming”, he says. “It’s for the best Tom. I’m not letting her ruin his day”, you say. You looked at the time, 5pm. Guests should be arriving soon. “Okay Tom. It’s my time to go. Promise me you’ll make him have an unforgettable birthday?", you say. “I promise", he reassures. You gave him a hug and walked out the house.

The car ride was silent. You couldn’t believe you actually listened to her, but you knew it was for the best. You arrived at your apartment building. You parked and event upstairs. You were exhausted. You put your stuff down, sleep demanding its presence as you laid down on the couch and closed your eyes, sleep overtaking you.

HARRY’S POV:

30. today I turn 30. How the years have flown by. I was happy to some extent with where my life is right now. I had my mom and Gemma, both who were healthy. I had a great group of friends who truly care for me. I also had Y/N. My confidant. My partner in crime. My ride or die. My rock. I know she distances herself due to my relationships which saddens me. I thought a trip back to London would help but it hadn’t. My girlfriend and I were nonstop arguing about the same thing… my friendship with y/n. She wanted me to not talk to her anymore, and at first, I distanced myself from y/n to make her happy. That worked for a bit, but the topic came up again. During this trip I made it abundantly clear that y/n wasn’t going anywhere.

I was excited to see y/n again, to see her beautiful face, see her beautiful smile that brightens my day. I miss her tremendously and its my fault that I let it get to this point. Tom said earlier to get ready and to dress nicely, black tie event. He didn’t specify but mentioned I would be comfortable. I decided on wearing my dark emerald, green suit, with a pastel green satin button up underneath. This outfit has to be one of my favorites. Y/n chose this outfit, says it brings out my eyes, which I agree. I leave the first few buttons of my shirt unbuttoned. As I look at myself in the mirror, I think about what I’m going to say to y/n. I feel a pair of small hands wrap around my torso from behind. I took a deep breath and turned around to face her. “You look very handsome birthday boy”, she says, wrapping her arms around my neck. “Thank you”, I say forcing a smile on my face. She leans up and kisses my lips, she leans to the side trying to deepen the kiss, but I pull away, not wanting to do anything with her after our horrible trip.

She notices my mood but doesn’t say anything. “Are you almost ready? Tom keeps asking when we’ll be there", I say fixing my collar. “I’m ready when you are”, she says, grabbing her belongings from the bed. I spray some cologne and we head out the door. “Do you know where this event is at?”, I ask, still not aware of all the details. Wouldn’t you like to know. I have to put this on you, no peaking", she says, taking a blindfold out of her purse and wrapping it around my head to cover my eyes. She leads me towards the vehicle, thanking our driver as she gets in.

The drive feels like forever with the blindfold on, but we arrived at the destination rather quickly. The car door opens, and I feel her small hands take mine. The first thing I feet are small rocks under my shoes. We start walking, her leading the way. “Alright hun, there’s 5 starts ahead so mind your steps”, she says. I step forward and feel the first step. 1, 2,3,4, 5. I stop for a moment and reach on the side, feeling the small bench. I knew it. We were at my house. “Come on Harry”, she says, taking my hand in hers and walking forward. I near the dick of the door open, but all I hear is silence. “Okay, I’m gonna take the blindfold off now”, one says, reaching behind my head Te untie the knot she made. As soon as the blindfold left my eyes, everyone in front of me yelled 'surprise!’. I looked around the room looking at all the familiar faces. Tom was there. Mitch. All of my friends. But then I saw my mum and Gemma. A huge smile plastered on my face, and I hurried to embrace them in a hug. “Oh homey, happy birthday!", my mum says to me, kissing my cheek. “Happy birthday little brother", Gemma says embracing me in a hug. “I’m so happy you’re both here”, I say to them.

Before they could say anything, a pair of hands gripped my shoulders. I turned to see Tom. “Happy birthday mate”, he says embracing me in a hug. “Thank you, mate. The place looks incredible “, I say, complimenting all of the detailed decorations that adorned my home.it has y/n’s name written all over it. “You can thank y/n for that”, he says. “Where is she?”, I say looking around the room in hopes of finding her. My attention turns back to Tom, who still hasn’t answered my question. “Mate?”, I question, but before he could answer I fee her hand tug on mine. “Harry come say his to your quests”, she says, dragging me to greet everyone. There’s no sign of her.

I said hello to everyone and thanked them for coming. I was getting irritated at the fact that y/n wasn’t here. It was so unlike her, especially since the took time to decorate. “If you’re excuse me a moment”, I say, walking away from the group I was conversing with and walked over to Tom. I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the hallway. “Hey mate! That hurts”, he whines, loosening the tight grip I had on his arm. “Enough with the bullshit Tom. Why is she not here?!”, I whispered rather harshly. He took a moment before answering, looking around so no one was watching. “Your girlfriend", he says. I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion. “I was helping y/n with getting everything set up. I went to buy us some food and when I got back, she was on the phone. The caller ID on her phone said it was you, but it was your girlfriend. Basically, she said that she didn’t want y/n to be here since you guys were in a “good place”, and if she did show up, she would cause a scene. You know how y/n is, putting others before herself. She didn’t show up because of her, because she wanted your day to be special", he finished.

I grab my phone and search my call history, looking at the entry that was made yesterday. When did she even get access to my phone? I didn’t know what to do with her. All I know right now is that I needed to find y/n. “Mate I need you to cover for me”, I tell him. “Where you going?”, he asks. “Going to bring y/n here”, I say. “Sure thing”, he says patting my shoulder. I snuck back to the main area and maneuvered my way towards the exit. Quickly I headed to the garage and got into my car. Her apartment will be the first place I’ll check. I drone out of my driveway and drove the streets of Los Angeles. Her apartment wasn’t that far away from my house, arriving in only 15 minutes. I parked my car in the lot and headed inside. I took the elevator and sped down her floor. Once in front of her apartment door, I knocked on it, rather loudly due to the adrenaline in my system. Hopefully She’s here.

Y/n POV:

After my nap, which I desperately needed. I then took a well needed shower, to relax my body. I was sad to say the least, wishing that I was at the party. I could just picture his face seeing everyone that attended, especially Anne and Gemma. He hasn’t seen them in a while, and I thought it would make him happy seeing them. I was currently in the kitchen pouring myself a glass of wine when I heard knocking at the front door. You put the glass down and walked over to the door, looking through the peephole. Harry. On gosh. You opened the door, and he walked right in without a word. “Harry, what are you doing here?”, you calmly say, closing your door. All you could near was his meany breathing, sounding like he just ran a marathon.

“Harry what’s wrong?”, you ask, a bit concerned now since he hasn’t said anything. “Why weren’t you there?”, he asks. Your heartbeat faster now. You knew that he knew why, especially since he came all this way to asks you this. "Harry... I didn’t want to make this worse for you”, you begin to say. “You wouldn’t”, he says. “You say that now, but she would make it worse. She doesn’t want me near you”, I say. “Il don’t care. You’re my best friend. She has to underst-", "she doesn’t Harry”, you cut him off. “She doesn’t care “, you say, watching his tall figure pace back and forth. He rubbed his eyes and suddenly walked towards you. He cupped your face with his hands his lips kissing your forehead.

Your eyes instantly closed at the feeling of his lips on your skin. You took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of his cologne. God, you loved his cologne. “I don’t care who I’m with, or end up with, you will always come first, do you hear me?”, he says against your skin. Your hands reached up to attach around his wrists. Looking up, you stare into his beautiful eyes that hold so much emotion. “All I care about is your happiness, Harry. I cannot be the person who stops you-”, before you could finish your sentence you feel his lips attach to yours.

His lips were like heaven. They were so soft against yours. He literally took your breath away. You both pulled apart, but you maintained your eyes closed wanting to savor the moment a bit longer. You opened your eyes, meeting his that were already on you. “Hi”, he whispered, a small smile playing on his lips. “Hi”, you breathlessly say. “Come with me back to the house”, he says. “But-” you begin. “I won't take no for an answer”, he teasingly says. “H.”, before you could protest, he’s dragging you into your room. “Sit. I’ll pick out your dress”, he says. At this point you surrender and allowed him to have his moment. "Perfect. Here, put this on”, he says, handing you a long silky dress. It’s the same color as his buttoned-up shirt. You vividly remember the day he got you the dress.it was the same day he got the tux he’s wearing now.

You didn’t bother to argue and did what he asked you to do. Quickly you went into the bathroom and put the dress on. This was your favorite dress, and it wasn’t because Harry had picked it out. You quickly curled your hair and did your makeup, before walking out the door. He immediately stood up from the bed when he saw you. “Wow you look beautiful", he says causing a small blush to creep up on your cheeks. “I grabbed your things hope that’s alright?", he says. You nod, trusting him. “Okay, Lets go”, he says, twirling you around in the process. Once you put your heels on you walked out the door and headed towards the party. You were a bit nervous considering all the thoughts that were running through your head. “We’ll be alright", he whispered as he opened the door for you. You smiled, getting in. He got into his side of the car, and we made our way to his house.

The drive was short and soon he was parking his car in the garage. Once parked, he went to your side and helped you out. Hand in hand you made your way inside. Before you waked into the main room, you stopped him in the hallway. “What’s wrong?”, he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. “We can’t walk in hand in hand Harry. You go in first”, you tell him, withdrawing your hand from his and pushing him lightly to walk. Once he walked into the room, you heard clapping, guessing that people were looking for him. “Look who I found”, he says motioning towards you as you walked into the room. A bunch of greetings came your way, becoming a bit overwhelming due to the anxiety building up. “Hey there”, Tom said pulling you into a hug. “Hey”, you say. “Don’t worry. I know you’re getting anxious. We got you”, he whispers. Your anxiousness wasn’t because you were afraid, it was not knowing what she was capable of doing. You looked around the room to see where Anne and Gemma were, wanting to say hi. But you were met with daggers by his girlfriend. You just stared at her, she is staring at you, just keeping direct eye contact. You decided to break it and walk over to Anne.

“Oh, sweetheart its so nice to see you again “, Anne says embracing you in a tight hug. “The missed you so much Anne, you say, placing a kiss on her cheek. “You look more beautiful every time I see you”, she compliments. “Thank you, Anne, you look younger every time I See you”, you compliment back making her blush. “There is my favorite girl”, you hear Gemma say loudly as she shimmies her way through people with 3 drinks in her hand. She hands one to Anne, then you, keeping the other one for herself. Before you say anything, she embraces you in a tight hug. “We have to hang out more. I’ve missed you. You need to come to London more often”, she says making you laugh. “Maybe next month yeah?”, you suggest making her nod.

You continued with the small talk until you felt tapping on your shoulder. You turn to see his girlfriend standing there with a smirk. “Can I talk with you for a minute?", she says. You forced a smile, nodding your head. You turned around and excused yourself from Anne and Gemma. She walked towards the hallway where no one was around. What are you doing here, I thought we had an agreement “, she cuts to the point. “Harry came looking for me”, you say. “And you couldn’t make an excuse?", the retaliated. Now you were getting placed off your eyes rolling at her comment. “What did you want me to do? He came to my department and insisted", you defend. “And to be completely honest with you, I don’t need to deal with your shit. I don’t know who you think a to keep demanding shit”, you say, raising your voice at how mad you were getting. “You just can’t seem to leave Harry alone can’t you. You’re like his little puppy, always around”, she spits out. “On honey you’re so delusional. Harry and I have been friends since before you two met. If I’m always there is because he wishes, not because I’m looking for him”, you utter back. “You better stay away, I mean it”, she says. You couldn’t help but smirk at her comment. “Or else what? “, you say. Before you could say anything else, she slaps you the stinging making itself prominent on your skin.

“You bitch”, you yell, slapping her right back. Before you knew it, you were both fighting and yelling in the hallway. Slamming each other against the wall and saying insults to one another. Before you could slap her again, you heard yelling, and someone's arms wrap around your waist pulling you away from her. You tried getting away from their grip, but they were too strong Tom was holding her back, she was trying to pull away from his grip. “Y/n, calm down”, you hear Harry say pulling you into the kitchen. Tim fine. I’m fine”, you assured. “Are you sure?”, he asks before letting you go. “Yeah”, you breathlessly say feeling his arms release you. You paced around the kitchen trying to calm down your anger and frustration. Your head was pounding, your face hot and red, your palms sweaty. Harry gave you space and went back to his girlfriend. Thank God people weren’t aware of the situation, the loud music muffling the yelling that was taking place seconds ago. You look down at your arms noticing scratch marks going down. You went to the sink to rinse them, the water stinging the cut.

“Hey, are you okay?”, Tom says rubbing your back as you cleaned your scratch marks. “Jean, I’m fine now”, you say, leaning against the counter and feeling your tears building up in your eyes. “Hey, come here”, he says embracing you in a much-needed hug. “The one thing I tried to avoid happened", you cry. You were so angry. “Shh, everything will be okay”, he says. You pull away and nod, wiping your tears away. “Come on, lets grab you a drink”, he says leading you to the bar.

Harry POV:

I was beyond pissed and disappointed. We were currently in my bedroom, hearing her yell and scream as she continued to talk shit about y/n. I’ve had enough. I couldn’t do this anymore. “I can’t stand her Harry. She’s always around every time were here or we hang out. She’s like a lost puppy.” "Enough!", I yell, silencing her completely. “I’m not letting her go. I’m not going to choose between the two of you because you and a both know that you want like the answer that I will give you. If she’s always around is because I choose to have her around. She’s, my comfort. She’s my best friend, why don’t you get that”, I angrily say. “I can’t do this anymore. The fighting and bickering. I won’t do it, I’m sorry” I say. She has tears in her eyes, but I refuse to let her tears influence my decision. “Harry, baby, I’m sorry. Ill change”, she says, grabbing my hand. I pull them away, not wanting to give her hope. I was tired. “I can’t do this. I cannot be with you anymore", I say, avoiding eye contact with her. "Harry.", “No, don’t make this harder than it has to be we’re done. Its best if you leave. I can call you an Uber or drop”, “No, I don’t want you to do me any favor. I’ll leave on my own”, she says, getting up and leaving the room.

I wait a couple minutes before exiting my room and walking downstairs. I examined the house, and she was nowhere to be found. She was gone. I walk up to the bar seeing y/n and Tom having a drink. Without saying a word, I hug y/n tightly. “I’m so sorry”, I mumble against her forehead. “It’s not your fault Harry”, she says pulling away and grabbing a tequila shot from the counter. “Here, this is for you”, she says, taking the other glass for herself and the other for Tom. “Happy 30th birthday Harry”, she says raising the shot glass to do a small cheer before drinking the shot without making a face. The clear liquid burned my throat as it made its way down. “Now, let’s get Harry fucked up”, Tom says. We cheered and that’s exactly what happened.

Y/n POV:

You awake on top of someone's chest. You were in a bedroom, in a bed. Your head was pounding. Everything from last night was a slight blur at first, your brain not functioning correctly as you tried to wake up. You looked to your side and saw Harry rubbing his eyes and waking up. “Ugh, what time is it”, he groggily says. “Il don’t know “, you whine the brightness of the room becoming too much for your eyes. You got up and abut the blinds making the room dark. “Thank you”, Harry says. You sat back down on the bed and stretched the sleep out of your system. “how’d we get up here?”, he asks. You shrug your shoulders, not knowing yourself. “I’m gonna freshen up. Be right back”, you mumbled walking towards the bathroom to brush your teeth. Harry always had extra. Harry walked in behind you to do the same. He was still wearing the same outfit from last night minus the blazer. You were still wearing the dress.

He stared at you through the mirror in front of you as both were brushing, he had a playful smirk on his face, watching you intently, his gaze sending shivers down your spine. You lean down and spit the toothpaste out your mouth and rinse. He reciprocated your actions, walking back into the room once done. He plopped down on his bed, patting the imply space beside him. You walked towards the bed lying next to him, your back laying flatly on the mattress. He played on his side, his hand supporting his head as he looked down at you.it was a peaceful silence between the two of you. With his free hand, he placed it on top of yours that were fiddling against each other. He separated your hands, taking one in his large one and bringing up to his lips. His soft lips pressed against the back of your hand comforting you immediately. “Thank you for everything last night.it meant everything to me”, he says lightly. You couldn’t help but smile as he placed your entertained hands on your torso. “It did?”, you ask. “Mmhm your best one yet. Although, I’m starting to think that you try to outdo yourself every year”, he says making you laugh knowing that it was true.

“Sorry about the fight”, you apologize, your gaze still on your hands, his thumb caressing your skin. “Don’t be, it wasn’t working out anyway", he says. “Yeah, but still. The one thing I was avoiding happened", you say. “Well, is the fight wouldn’t have happened, then I wouldn’t have broken up with her’, he confesses. “You broke up?”, you say. “Mmhm” he replies. “I told her that I wasn’t going to choose between the two because she wouldn’t like my answer”, he calmly says which causes you to finally look up at him. “What?”, you say causing him to chuckle at your reaction. “I will always choose you y/n. Always” he says. He leans down and brushes his lips against yours. “Harry”, you whispered. “Tell me to stop”, he says leaning closer. You didn’t want him to stop. “I don’t want you to stop”, you say causing a smirk to appear on his face as he closed the gap between the two of you to attach your lips together. He leaned over your body completely on top of you, your hands placed on his face. His tongue lapped against your lips asking for permission to enter. Without hesitation you allowed him to slide his tongue into your mouth, you do the same, exploring his mouth.

His hands left the side of your head and roamed down your body landing on your hip. As the kiss deepened, his grip tightened. “Gosh, I want you so bad”, he mumbles against your lips. ‘Have me”, you say, biting his bottom lip in the process.it is lips moved down your face and onto your neck, kissing and licking you, sending tingles all over your body. You couldn’t help but let out a small moan come out of your swollen lips as he harshly sucked a spot on your neck. The need for one another was becoming stronger, your legs wrapping around his waist, bringing him closer to you. He slowly began moving his hips against your, the friction making you wet. You both het out a moan as the tension deepened, your breathing picking up as your touches became more needy. “No foreplay Harry”, you mumble, his response only a groan. He detached his lips from your neck as he unbuttoned his stacks to pull down his pants and boxers. With fidgety fingers you lift up your dress exposing your panties. “Fucking hell”, he mumbles. Without hesitation he takes your parties off throwing them to the side. You lift yourself up, holding your body up anticipating his next more.

“You look so fucking sexy like this”, he says grabbing your hips and pulling you closer. Aligning himself at your entrance, he said himself in causing a moan to come out of both of you. His hard dick stretching your wet walls. Before he could even move there was a knock on his door, his mother to be precise. “Harry darling. Are you up? I’ve made breakfast", she says. Trying to control his breathing he waited to answer. “Uh yea mum. Just give me a couple of minutes”, he shakily says causing you to silently laugh. “Alright don’t be too long honey”, she says her footsteps becoming distant as she walked away from the door. “Fuck, we have to be quick love”, he pants as he thrusts into you. He felt so good inside you, your small whines becoming more frequent as he thrusts in and out of you rapidly. He grabbed your thighs squeezing them as he thrusts.

“Oh, fuck Harry, please don’t stop”, you moan out, feeling your climax approaching. “Fuck baby; you feel so good. I’m close”, he pants. “Me too “, you pant. With just a couple more thrust, and the bed squeaking, you both reached your climax, immediately holding each other like your life depended on it. Once you both calmed down, he withdrew from you and put your panties back on. “That was amazing", he says kissing your lips. He pulled his pants up to get ready. “As much as I want to stay here longer, my mother”, “I know Harry, let’s go”, you say making yourself presentable. Hand in hand you walked downstairs and enjoyed breakfast. Definitely tops any other birthday celebration.

[adoracora-elizabeth]

Music made me love you, chapter 35

"I am sorry to inform you Mama, but this Christmas, Cora and I will not be celebrating at Downton."

Cora's head whipped towards him. They had not fully discussed Christmas after that morning in Robert’s apartment. She had not known how to start the conversation about it again.

"Are you taking Cora somewhere special?" Rosamund asked.

"It is a bit of a secret still, but yes. Cora and I will be away during Christmas this year."

Cora looked around the table to see the reactions. They had been invited to Rosamund’s because Violet and Patrick were also in London. Patrick did not react at all; it seemed as if he was falling asleep. She could only imagine how tired he must be after travelling for so long. She had been, the last time they went to Downton, and she was in good health. Marmaduke was smiling, and Rosamund gave Robert a proud look, but Violet was getting angry.

"We could do the same, my dear." Marmaduke looked at Rosamund.

Who chuckled and rubbed over her big belly. "I will be about one and a half months away from giving birth. If you do not mind, I prefer to stay closer to home."

Cora was relieved to see how easily Rosamund got through this pregnancy. It did suit her very well; she had a fuller face and more colour on her cheeks.

"So, you are also not coming to Downton?" Violet now directed her arrows at Rosamund.

"If I feel well enough, we could come to Downton of course. But let us see how I feel around that time."

"You do realise that Mrs Patmore needs to prepare, and she needs to know it in advance if you are coming or not."

"We will let you know on time, but I think that we do not need to put that pressure on Rosamund. Mrs Patmore will manage perfectly fine if we tell you one week in advance."

"I cannot believe this. Patrick, why do you not say something? You cannot tell me that you do not have an opinion about this." Violet huffed. "Patrick!" She said a bit louder. "I am talking to you."

"Mama, I think that Papa has fallen asleep. Let me bring him to his room. We can talk about this later." Robert interrupted his mother.

Cora got up to clear the plates. Rosamund followed her example, but Marmaduke took her hand. "Why do you not take a rest on the sofa? We will arrange some tea and clear up here."

"I am pregnant, not invalid." Rosamund pulled her hand back and followed Cora.

"Honestly men. He gave Maud a free evening, knowing perfectly well we would have guests tonight and now he is expecting me to sit down and do nothing." She put her hands on her back and stretched.

"If you are uncomfortable? I do not mind cleaning up the rest." Cora offered, giving Rosamund a worried look.

"Oh, Cora. I am seven months pregnant. What would you expect?"

Cora looked at the ground. "You are right. I am sorry."

"Do not be. I appreciate the offer, but I promise you that I am feeling fine. Tell me, it seemed as if Robert did not tell you about the Christmas plans?"

Cora laughed. "You have a sharp eye." She saw Rosamund sitting down on one of the barstools. "We have not really discussed it.  My mother wants me back in New York, but I am not going to do that. I want to spend this Christmas with Robert. It is our first one together, I cannot go away without him."

"That does sound so adorable. Your first Christmas together. I hope to hear soon where you two will be going."

"Of course, I will tell you as soon as I know."

"Right, at least Robert managed to get you away from our mother too."

Cora's cheeks coloured.

"Oh dear, no need to be ashamed. I can totally understand that you were not looking forward to a Christmas with my mother.

+++

Robert wheeled his father to his bedroom. He had noticed that since his stroke, he slept in his mother’s room. It still felt strange, knowing his parents slept in the same room. His mother was very strict with doing things in the old-fashioned way. But his father's illness had changed somethings within her.

"Papa, you need to wake up." He tapped his father on his cheek.

Groggy he opened one eye and immediately closes it again.

Robert decided that he could perfectly sleep in the clothes he was wearing right now. He opened the covers on the bed and lifted his father. Carefully putting him down on his back. He then tugged him in and said goodnight.

For a while, he kept looking at his father. It always wondered him, that Patrick had fallen for Violet. He had such a kind and soft nature, especially compared to his feisty mother. But in a weird way they seemed to be happy together and was that not the only thing that mattered? Being happy with your spouse? He knew he would be very happy with Cora as his wife. Even though they were only dating for a couple of months now and did not even know each other a year ago, he just knew that Cora was the one he wanted to marry. He imagined them living at the Abbey with a bunch of children running around. He could already see a very pregnant Cora taking the other children to bed. That would be a dream come true if that was something he would have in his future.

He could not wait for Rosamund to give birth; it would be his chance to see Cora with a little one in her arms. He could also not wait to see how Rosamund would be as a mum. He had never imagined that she wanted children, but now here she was two months away from becoming a mother.

"Robert?" Cora's voice sounded softly from the doorway. "Everything alright?

He turned towards her and pressed his finger against his lips while walking towards her. He closed the door behind him and kissed her cheek. "Nothing wrong. I was just thinking about a lot of things and meanwhile I was watching my father."

"How is he feeling?" She rested one hand on his hip.

"I do not know; he has not been awake. I put him down and tugged him in, he had an exhausting day."

"He did, but I am glad he came with your Mama, that must be a good sign."

Robert wrapped his arm around her back and started walking back to the living area. "I am not sure if it is not just stubbornness."

"What do you mean? Do you think he is pretending?"

Robert sighed. "I do not know, but the fact that he fell asleep during dinner does worry me a bit." He pulled Cora closer. "Let us not stay too long, I want to tell you what I have in mind for Christmas."

"You could tell me now. It was a surprise to hear we will be doing something, other than going to Downton, what I was expecting."

Robert stopped. "Are you disappointed that we will not be together with the family?"

Cora pressed a kiss on his jaw. "Far from disappointed, just surprised to hear about it during dinner."

Robert put his hand on her cheek. "I should have told you, but I wanted to surprise you with it."

"It is alright darling. I know now that you have something special in mind."

"I hope Rosamund will stay at home too. Not sure if she should travel to London when she is that pregnant."

"Oh Robert, she is pregnant, not ill. Please promise me that if we ever have children, you will not treat me like an invalid."

Robert put his hand on her abdomen. "Would you like to have children?"

She covered his hand with hers. "It would be a dream to have them together with you."

[doctors-journal]

4 May

This may be the last time I write from the hotel room.

The window is open, but I can’t make out any stars, only the glow of the moon through the clouds that covered the sky all day in a blanket of deep grey. Occasionally, it even drizzled a little; I’d forgotten how much it rains in England year round. When the sun shone through, shafts of light streamed down like a brilliant halo, and the rain glittered.

I met up with Liza today—on purpose this time. It was fine.

The first thing she said when she saw me was, “You look like you’ve been pulling all nighters for a week! Are you stuck on the graveyard shift?”

She looked healthy: fit, well fed, without any obvious illness or injury. She’s working back at Barts. I can’t believe it’s been so long since we met as students there. Apparently, it’s interesting stuff; she’s always been more interested in research than practice.

She gave me a tour of the new wing. It was strange being back just as a visitor. It felt like there should have been somewhere I needed to be, something that needed to be done. I heard a low rumble in the distance and almost went for cover, but it was just an intern pushing a cart down the hallway. There weren’t any tremors, just my legs shaking.

Thankfully, Liza didn’t seem to notice. “While we’re here, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to. He said he’d be around today.”

“Your boyfriend?” I asked.

She laughed. “No, I’m not quite his type, but you’d be just his kind of fellow, and I bet you’ll like him. He’s a bit eccentric but harmless, I promise.”

“You’re setting me up?” With everything else, I haven’t so much as thought about dating anyone since before I left England.

She smiled impishly at my incredulousness. “Things may not have worked out between us, but I still feel some responsibility for your happiness. And he seemed so interested in meeting you.”

I didn’t have time to protest as she opened the door to one of the new labs and there he was.

Most of the tables had been taken over by a rainbow of test tubes. I couldn’t even tell what half of it was. He was standing at a bench in the far corner of the room, preoccupied with his studies. He wasn’t dressed for lab work; apparently, his fitted suit was too nice for a lab coat or gloves.

Then, suddenly, he turned toward us, test tube still in hand and declared, “I’ve found it! I’ve found it!”

Liza only shrugged.

He said that he had discovered a new reagent that’s only precipitated by hemoglobin, but I don’t know how he did that with the assortment of chemicals he had out on the benches.

Liza introduced us, and he squeezed more than shook my hand, his arm tense with the effort, though his grip wasn’t that strong. He’s very thin, possibly undernourished, like he’s recently recovered from some illness.

“You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive,” he said.

I don’t know where he got that idea. “No, Syria.” 

“Ah, yes, of course,” he said, as though it made no difference and quickly returned to expounding upon his experiment.

He looked like he was about my age, but otherwise he could have been one of the professors I had back in uni with how he talked about it. He even gave a demonstration of his reagent—and it seemed to work. He certainly sounded like he knew what he was talking about, walking us through the process, with an emphasis on its applications in forensics, though I would be surprised if the police don’t already have more sophisticated techniques.

He abruptly concluded his lecture, saying, “But we have business to discuss. I perceive that you have been staying in a hotel. I have also been trying to solve the problem as to whether it is possible to get comfortable rooms at a reasonable price and cannot get someone to go halves with me. I have my eye on a suite, not in Baker Street, but which would suit us down to the ground. You don’t mind the smell of strong tobacco, I hope?”

It took me a moment to catch up with the sudden change in subject. “I’m not looking for a flat. I’m only visiting London. I’ll be returning to Syria soon.”

“By your wardrobe, I can see that you’ve been in London for some months already,” he said as though it was nothing out of the ordinary. “Even if you will remain only for another month, a flat divided between us would be a considerably less expensive domicile than the hotel, and it would be no less easy to part company.”

I don’t know what my clothes had to do with it, but he was right about the hotel. “I could leave at any time?”

“When so ever it suits you, Doctor. You don’t mind the smell of strong tobacco, I hope?”

I’ve been trying to quit ever since I started, but it would have been hypocritical of me to object. “No.”

“Very good, and your own cigarettes are good enough for me. I generally have chemicals about and occasionally do experiments. Would that annoy you?”

“No, that’s fine.”

“Let me see—what are my other shortcomings? I get in the dumps at times and don’t open my mouth for days on end. You must not think I am sulky when I do that. Just let me alone, and I’ll soon be right. What have you to confess now? It’s just as well for two fellows to know the worst of one another before they begin to live together.”

It’ll just be a place to stay, and I won’t be there for long, but I volunteered, “I’m up at all hours, but I’ll try to be quiet.”

Liza added helpfully, “You also snore and smoke now, apparently, and you don’t pull your punches.”

“Do you include violin-playing in your category of rows?” he asked before Liza could go on.

“No.” If it bothered me, I could just make myself scarce, and I’ve slept through worse.

He rubbed his hands together in an unusual show of enthusiasm. “Then I think we may consider the thing as settled—that is, if the rooms are agreeable to you.”

We agreed to meet at Barts tomorrow at noon to see the flat. Then, Liza and I continued on our tour, though there wasn’t much left to see.

As soon as we had turned a couple corners, Liza burst into laughter. “I’ve never seen him like that before! He must have been reciting it from memory!”

He was a bit odd, or eccentric, as she’d warned me. Looking back at it now, the way he talked seems a little like an old scientific paper, but at the time he was saying it, it all sounded completely natural.

“He wants to be Sherlock Holmes,” Liza explained.

“The detective?” I asked, just to be sure.

“Yes, and I think he really is trying to be a detective, but he’s also mentioned that he’s into amateur theatre. I think he must have just recited the whole scene where Sherlock and Watson meet for the first time! No wonder he wanted me to introduce you!”

“There’s no flat then?”

“No, he really has been looking for a flatmate. He was just having some fun with it—and it is too perfect; you, a doctor, just returned from Syria, moving in with him, an amateur detective. I wonder if he’ll try to take you along on his cases! And he does seem interested...”

“I’m not planning on staying in England for that long,” I reminded her.

“I know, I know. Though I didn’t realise you’ve been here for months already. I thought you’d just come off the ship.”

“No, I’ve wasted too much time here already. I should be back by now. But he’s right; I’m living on fumes as is, and at the rate everything is taking, I don’t know how much longer it’ll be.”

“I’m sure your visas and all that will go through eventually, and in the meantime, maybe you’ll make a friend.”

I could only shake my head. “If you didn’t tell him how long I’ve been here, how did he figure all that?”

She shrugged. “He’s the one who wants to be Sherlock Holmes. And he certainly has a way of knowing things.”

I made my excuses and returned to the hotel not long after that. I missed another call from my parents while I was out. 

It’s dark out now. I should probably sleep. I won’t miss this place if I do move out tomorrow.

[literatemisfit]

Hi! I don’t have a subscription so I can’t read this full article you posted.

https://www.tumblr.com/literatemisfit/720928934490980352/david-tennant-on-his-wife-georgias-cancer-scare

Could you possibly give a summary or copy/paste what it says (if you’re comfortable with it)? Especially that last part you mentioned as being especially sweet?

Somehow when I went to open it I also got stuck behind a paywall so they must have added one. But I was able to use incognito mode and get access to it anyway. I've copy pasted the entire thing for you so you can see what I mean by sweet ;)

See below:

Georgia Tennant is recalling the moment, at the start of the pandemic, when she realised she was going to be locked down with her husband. ‘David was supposed to be filming in South Africa,’ explains the 38-year-old actor and producer. ‘But then there was a series of phone calls, South Africa shut down, and he turned to me and said: “I’m not going back”.’

Georgia and I share a look that speaks volumes: about the slo-mo dawning experienced by wives all over the world when it became clear they would be trapped with the man they’d promised to love and cherish – but not, crucially, have lunch with every day for weeks on end. About what became more like the premise of a twisted reality TV show when those weeks turned into months

‘I remember having this sudden realisation…’ Glancing at her Scottish stage and screen star husband, Georgia pauses, blue eyes wide, and at this point I’m already smiling because I think I know what’s coming. ‘That, oh my gosh, David’s just going to be here, the whole time.’ I nod compassionately. ‘Which obviously I’d never had before.’ Another nod. We’ve all been there. 

‘And just thinking: that’s really exciting!’

Oh… It’s a needle-across-vinyl moment and I stop mid-nod and stare. Georgia and I are not on the same page. In fact, she seems to be reading an entirely different book: this wife can’t think of anything nicer than being holed up with her husband of 12 years.

‘We just really like each other,’ she says once all three of us have stopped laughing. ‘Even now, we like hanging out with each other more than we like hanging out with anyone else.’ Some might say that’s a pretty good basis for a marriage. ‘Exactly. And when all the kids are around it’s like a commune here, which I love.’

With a semi-apologetic shrug the 52-year-old Doctor Who and Broadchurch star confirms, ‘It’s true.’ There’s no way around it: he too just really likes his wife. ‘In fact, the more time we spend together the more we get on,’ he says. And although I’m not sure I can deal with any more bombshell revelations so early on in an interview, this is probably just as well. Because the Tennants didn’t just end up marooned on the couch together for the duration of the pandemic – with their five children, Ty, 21, Olive, 12, Wilfred, 10, Doris, seven, and Birdie, three – but filming a lockdown TV comedy series, Staged, which became the surprise summer comedy hit of 2020.

The whimsical meta sitcom follows David’s fractious friendship with Welsh actor Michael Sheen as they plan various ill-fated ventures from either side of the world on Zoom. Only this isn’t reality TV, but a hammed-up version. Its two actors forever making a drama out of a crisis, as their partners watch, bemused, occasionally stepping in when things get out of hand.

Georgia and Swedish actress Anna Lundberg’s attitude is probably best described by the bumper sticker quote: ‘Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes’, and audiences liked them so much that their roles get progressively bigger with each series.

Amazingly, Staged outlived the pandemic premise it was built on and I’m here today, in a sleek home office at the back of the couple’s west London home, to talk about the third and final series, which is currently airing on BBC One. Having spent the past 24 hours binge-watching six episodes of the show, I’m slightly thrown by how dialled-down the real David and Georgia are compared with their on-screen personas. He’s far less wild-haired and neurotic in real life – perhaps in part because after a trip to the dental hygienist this morning, he’s not yet been allowed his coffee – and she’s just as beautiful, with the same poise she maintains throughout Staged, but more amused than exasperated, today, by her man.

‘This wasn’t our first project together,’ David reminds me when I ask whether working on the show together over three years didn’t tip this perfect partnership over the edge. ‘After all, Georgia and I did meet on set.’

It’s true that it was while he was playing the Tenth Doctor in 2008 that he met his future wife, who was cast as his genetically engineered daughter in the BBC show. Does Georgia still get endless joy from that? ‘Oh, I’ve had 15 years of joy from that,’ she flings back. ‘Of course, I was already 900 years old at the time,’ David deadpans.

After the Doctor Who years, the pair went on to co-star in the 2017 film, You, Me and Him, which Georgia also produced. Still, when it came to filming Staged, he got ‘incredibly nervous’, he admits. ‘I think we were quite anxious about what that would… do, weren’t we?’

His wife murmurs her agreement, although like her Staged character she seems serene and in control and it’s easy to imagine her talking David down from various ledges in daily life. 

For all their harmony, they seem quite different. Certainly, they come from different backgrounds. As the daughter of actors Peter Davison and Sandra Dickinson, Georgia was born into the profession, making her debut at 15 in ITV’s Peak Practice, before going on to appear in shows such as Where the Heart Is, Like Father Like Son and The Last Detective.

Bathgate-born David, meanwhile, is the son of a Presbyterian church minister, who attended the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and established himself with the Royal Shakespeare Company and National Theatre early on. After winning the game-changing role of Doctor Who at 34, he has continued to demonstrate his versatility as an actor, flitting from hard-hitting TV dramas like Des in 2020 (playing serial killer Dennis Nilsen) and Litvinenko in 2022 (as the former Russian spy) to playing a demon in Amazon’s ongoing fantasy series Good Omens. Then there’s his stage work: the recent West End play Good, in which he played a professor drawn into Nazism, and a forthcoming stint as Macbeth at London’s Donmar Warehouse in December.

Despite his success, the actor has suffered from acute anxiety ever since he was a boy, fretting about everything from ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being found out’ (as he told one interviewer in 2019) to the loss of anonymity he knew he’d experience back in 2005, when he was cast as a TV hero he’d idolised from the age of three. ‘Because with a show like Doctor Who,’ he tells me, ‘it’s on a different scale.’ 

As anyone who suffers from anxiety knows, the primary, all-consuming worry is that everything ‘probably will go wrong’ at any given moment. In 2018 something did go very wrong when Georgia was diagnosed with cervical cancer – something she shared in her blog, despite usually being a private person. ‘I thought it was easier than having to phone everyone and tell them,’ she explains today.

‘It was a very weird experience,’ muses David. ‘Because we found out the bad news after it had been dealt with, so we had the relief at the same time as the horror.’ 

Following an abnormal smear test result, Georgia had a biopsy and a cervical excision to remove the tissue causing concern. It was only after that procedure that test results showed the cells had been cancerous. David pauses, looking at his wife. ‘At least we were spared the prospect of living with, “You’ve got this, and can it be caught?” But I still have these flashbacks of “What if you hadn’t…?”’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t think I acknowledged at the time how serious it could have been.’

The couple were too busy ‘just dealing with each stage’, David goes on. ‘The slightly funky test and then going in and having the biopsy.’ 

‘But I did make you answer the phone, when we were waiting to hear [the results],’ Georgia cuts in. ‘I obviously knew there was going to be something, so David got the news first: that it was bad but that they’d got rid of it. And then he made me get on the phone so that I could hear it from the doctor myself, because he knew that was something I needed to do.’

Afterwards, ‘both of us were just numb,’ David murmurs. ‘It was such a Sliding Doors moment. Even a few months later it could have been too late.’ 

‘Which is why now,’ Georgia concludes wryly, ‘I’ll tell everyone with a cervix: go and get yourself checked.’

With the couple’s eldest son Ty now a successful actor – having starred in the TV series War of the Worlds and HBO’s House of the Dragon – and Olive, then 10, making her big-screen debut in Kenneth Branagh’s Oscar-winning film Belfast, two years ago, I’m curious to know how they both feel about their brood following in their footsteps? ‘I just want them to be happy and to be able to survive in the world,’ Georgia says. ‘So if acting is what they want to do…’

It helps that the industry feels fairer now in almost every way, they believe, and we segue into a discussion about inclusivity and ‘real representation’ in acting – meaning, for example, that only LGBTQ actors should play LGBTQ roles. Until we’re all caught up, David maintains, ‘you have to protect those spaces for actors who come from those communities’.

It also helps that the industry is a safer place for women now than it was 10 years ago, says Georgia. ‘Because it 

definitely is,’ she adds. ‘Things happened to me when I was younger that I now realise were not great, but at the time I thought it was all part of it – that I had to laugh them off. I’m talking about situations that made me feel uncomfortable,’ she explains. ‘Now I would be able to say so, but at the time the dialogue just wasn’t there. And I don’t think any of our kids would have to feel like that now. Even if they did, they would have the words and the people behind them to say: “that’s not OK”.’

David is currently filming the Disney+ series Rivals, based on Jilly Cooper’s famous bonkbuster, he tells me. ‘And there’s an “intimacy co-ordinator” on that because there’s quite a lot of shagging, so everyone’s being very appropriate and careful.’ 

But doesn’t it feel strange having your sex scenes ‘co-ordinated’? ‘Oh, it’s ludicrous.’ He grins. ‘Because it means you’re making the most intimate, private moments very compartmentalised and that there’s someone there asking the embarrassing questions nobody did historically – but that’s because you’re not doing these things with your actual partner. So that’s another thing that has got better over the years.’ He tilts his head to one side, narrows his eyes: ‘That said, there are still lots of reasons not to become an actor.’

This seems as good a place to end as any, and as the Tennants take me back through the garden to a side gate, Georgia tells her husband she’s ‘going for a manicure – and you have to come with me’. When I leave they’re still bickering gently, with David asking: ‘Why do I have to come?’ I don’t catch his wife’s reply, but I suspect it’s just because she really likes him.

[l3m0ncyan]

New to Life | Holiday Special

Steven Grant/Marc Spector x Teen! reader

Masterlist

Summary: After finding out that Hanukkah brings bad memories to Marc and Steven, Y/N decides to bring the holiday back to them; but this time give them a memory they wont forget.

Note: If I get anything wrong about jewish traditions, please let me know!

P.S this is gonna be based off my series, hence the name, but Ill add a kind of recap in case yall don't wanna read all 11 chapters lmao.

—————————————————

Y/N stood triumphantly on a chair, staring at her decorations, as she hung up the last of the colorful lights in her apartment. The door unexpectedly opened, catching her off guard and almost causing her to slip. The chair wobbled, and she attempted to grab the back of it, but was aided by a few hands.

“Woah! I got you!” Marc held her up before she could fall.

She slowly climbed from the chair, regaining her balance. Marc crossed his arms as she returned the chair to the dining table to inspect her work. Y/N stood to the side as if she were being scored by Gordon Ramsey.

“Wow, you really went all out” He breathed out.

Each wall in her apartment had a light hanging from it. Garland was also hung around the room, and there were a few Santa and deer statues on the tables. To top it all off, she had a fake Christmas tree in the corner with a few gifts she had purchased for herself.

"Yup, that's my mission during the holidays. Anyway, what brought you here?" She bundled the decorations' packaging and quickly moved it to the trash can.

Marc examines the details of a ceramic Santa but puts it back. "I was just wondering if you wanted some tea that Steven thought you'd like."

She shrugs and nods, “Sure, let me just get my jacket”

She grabbed her jacket from the couch and walked over to her door. She bowed and motioned for Marc to go first. He rolled his eyes but continued, followed by Y/N.

Being across-the-hall neighbors was convenient because she or he didn't have to take an elevator or walk more than three steps to each other's apartment. For context, Y/N moved in a few months ago.

—

She was only 18 years old when she moved from California to London to attend her dream college. On the first day, she met Steven, who helped her in unlocking her door, which was difficult to do. Working with him in the gift shop resulted in her being attacked by a jackal a week later, bringing her and Marc together.

The basic gist is that she later assisted Marc and Steven in stopping a man named Harrow from destroying the world. On the way, she ran into their ex-wife, Layla, who had to return to Egypt to continue her archeology business', with the help of a certain goddess.

Something that may have gone unnoticed was that Y/N also gained an unusual ability. It was discovered that she had a symbiotic relationship with a symbiote. They are now known as Mania.

Anyways back to the actual story.

—

Marc opened the door for Y/N and set his jacket on a nearby table. The apartment's bareness was the first thing Y/N noticed. It was completely dark, as it had always been, with no lights or signs of color.

She sat at the dining table after following Marc to the kitchen. Twirling her thumbs and looking around, she noticed Marc's body tensing up before returning to normal. He smiled warmly and walked over to the stove to get a kettle.

He returned to the table and poured Y/N's and his cup of tea. She smelled the mug and an aroma of vanilla and cranberry as he slid it over to her. She had never considered combining those two elements until now. It was a good mixture though.

"There you have it, let me know what you think. I believe it will put you in the holiday spirit," Steven said with a smile.

Taking a sip, her eyes widened a bit, and nodded in approval, “It’s sweet, you made it yourself?”

"I did buy a few herbs and combined them. There wasn't much work put in," he shrugged.

She nodded, “You still did a great job” she continued to sip tea.

Steven sat across from her, taking in the time they were spending together. With winter approaching, the heat from the mug guided them in restoring their fingertips' temperature.

She continued to look around the apartment, still wondering why it was so colorless. "Something on your mind?" Steven asked as he set his cup down.

"Isn't Hannukah in a couple of days?" she scratched her head.

Steven paused to think, "I believe it is, why?"

"It's because I've noticed you two haven't exactly decorated or even talked about it”

Steven paused and thought for a few seconds. He had a melancholy look when he did. It seemed like he was thinking about a thought or a memory. He cleared his throat and went back to being his almost happy self.

"I've always spent most seasons alone, so when Hanukkah would come around, I never bothered in celebrating it" he gave a side smile.

Y/N nodded, "What about this year? You're not alone this time; you have me and Marc"

"Yes that is true innit," He looked up, "But I don't want to change your winter traditions just for me. Plus Marc isn't quite fond of the holiday"

"Why?"

"Well..." he trails and turns to a nearby reflection.

“Just turn down the question, she doesn’t have to know”

Sighing, he shakes his head, "It is nothing to worry about. Anyways, how about we finish our tea and get some rest?”

Y/N smiles and nods, still she was left curious on why the two didnt celebrate. Yet, that was something for a later time.

After they finish their drinks, Steven took her cup and his to wash it. She offered to help but he said how it was just two dishes so it wasn’t a big deal. Once finished, Steven told Y/N to bundle herself for the night before she left since degrees would drop. She thanked him and then went off to her apartment.

——

Back at her apartment, she changed out of her casual clothes and sat on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She imagined various reasons on why Marc and Steven didn't want to celebrate Hanukkah. She was probably being pushy just thinking about it, but she didn't like people missing out on holidays.

Yes, they’ve only known each other for a few months, but that creates a bond. Doesn’t it? Especially when you die with them and come back to life.

She felt like the polar opposite of a Grinch or a Scrooge. She wanted them to take part in a celebration for the winter season. She just wanted them to be happy. Especially after everything that went down the last few months, they needed a nice change of pace. She sighed and hugged a pillow close to her side. She hoped she'd fall asleep soon before her thoughts consumed her.

“Why are you making a big deal of this”

Again, she hoped.

"Because it's depressing to think of them dealing with all that shit from Cairo and still not being able to do anything for the one time of year when people are happy," she continued, her eyes closed, feeling the cold bite her fingers.

“Then ignore them. Take pride that you can and they can not”

"That's what an asshole does, and we hate those kinds of people remember?"

“Right, then in invite them”

“They dont celebrate Christmas, they’re Jewish”

“How is that a problem?”

"Because they celebrate Hanukkah, dude you were literally right there when we were talking about it!" she became irritated.

“...What is the difference?”

“Good night!”

The symbiote stopped talking after she covered her head with the covers. Fortunately, the rest of the night was peaceful, and Y/N was able to sleep.

—

She asked Marc if he wanted to go shopping with her the next day. She described her plans for shopping for herself and her family back home. He agreed and followed her because he had no other plans. When he went out, he never looked for places to spend money; he just wanted to take a break.

Aside from that, he wanted to make make sure Y/N did not get into too much trouble. One time they went out, they were caught up in a hostage situation at a discount store. Of course, Mania and Y/N were there to stop it, but Marc and Steven had no idea it was them; they just thought it was some monster wreaking havoc in the city.

They still don't know about Y/N's and Mania's symbiotic relationship.

Y/N dragged Marc over to Westfield, a popular shopping mall in London, after hearing about it. Her gaze scanned the structure from bottom to top as she stood in front of it. It was more extravagant than the ones she had in California. The entrance wall was made of blue-tinted glass. However, it was linked to another building with large white bricks and a glass-covered portion sticking out. The words 'Westfield' were written in red slanted letters on the building's side.

She adjusted her tote bag, hoping it was just for show and that the stores weren't too expensive. As they enter, they notice that the building is two stories tall, with escalators leading to the top. Thankfully, she recognized many stores from home, such as Forever 21 and Hot Topic.

"Where to first?" Marc asked with his hands in his pockets.

She gestured to and walked over to a store that sold items for her younger family members. They looked around for nice but cheap gifts for her family, which was hard since it's been a while since she has seen them. Marc did his best to help her by showing her a range of items, but the majority of them were expensive. After battling through the crowds, Y/N purchased a few items and moved on to the next store.

The entire shopping experience had both of them wanting to pick fights or quit and leave. Marc was taken aback by the number of people trying to buy gifts for their families at this time of year though. Mostly because his own family never made a big deal about giving or receiving gifts around this season. So seeing all this movement was a bit new.

Because it was new to him, he occasionally let Steven take over. Oh, and Steven was having a great time as well. He never understood the hype of shopping or seeing things for sale; not just because of his lack of celebration but because he thought it was bizarre many would shove each other to get one item that was only a dollar less than its original price.

But here he was pushing people, apologizing when he did, in order to take a look at many things. A few would be for Y/N's family and some would catch his eye. When he did, he would reach in and take it back to Y/N to see if it was suitable. He would then ask her if there was anything they liked or found interesting and he would go on a search for something like it.

At the end of their shopping trip, each of them had at least two bags full of random items. As they made their way back to the bus stop, Y/N felt bad about having Marc lug all those bags but fortunately, they were able to go on the bus and rest.

——

They were still a few blocks away from the apartment building after exiting the bus. The chilly air however made them rush, so they would be home soon. Well honestly it was Y/N rushing him, she was new to the cold weather. Marc wasn't so much since he grew up in Chicago where it was cold normally compared to California.

"I don't think I've seen so many adults fighting dude. You saw those guys fighting for a controller?" Y/N almost breathed out the memory.

Marc gave a small laugh, "Those idiots didn't even get it at the end, some kid did"

"For real, also sorry about making you carry all that" She looked over at the large bags from various stores.

He shrugged, "Its alright, its better than seeing you trying to carry them all"

"Are you saying that for kind reasons or to make fun of reasons?"

"Both"

"Meanie, I bet Steven wouldn't laugh at my weakness. Right, Steven?" She waited for him to respond, but there was no response. She looked over at him, bewildered, but he wasn't there.

Turns out something caught his eye on a window display.

She walked back to him and noticed how his eyes were soft as he looked at the items. The only time he has looked at someone like that was when he talked to Layla. She followed his eyes and noticed a display with many Jewish decorations.

It had a blue cloth with gold lining on the table cover. A few dreidels and gold chocolate coins were strewn about. What drew their attention was the menorah that sat at the center of the table. It was made of gold and had nine candle holders. They contained candles with an ombre pattern of white to blue. Eight of them were identical, except for the one in the center, which had a Star of David on the stem. The main stem of the menorah that held the rest of the branches was inscribed with Jewish phrases. It was truly breathtaking.

"It's pretty..." she smiled.

Marc nodded, "...it is". His eyes were still glued on it, holding a sort of love for it.

"Whys is the center one different?" She looked over at him and he hesitated.

"It's a...shamash candle. It's to help light the other ones during Hanukkah" he pointed out.

She nodded, "You should buy it, Hannukah is close. Plus it'll add some color to your guys place"

Marc knew where this was going and he shook his head, beginning to walk away, "Next time"

Baffled, she looked at the menorah and back to Marc's walking figure, "Wait what?"

She ran up to him, gripping the bags to make sure they slip from her grasp, and looked for an answer in his eyes, "Why?"

"I don't have room or time for it, maybe next year" he continued looking straight ahead,

"You can make room, plus you don't even work for Khonshu anymore so you have enough time"

Marc ignored her and continued trying to make it home, giving many excuses like how he didn't have money but Y/N would then offer to buy it for him. It seemed like the conversation wasn't going anywhere so she walked in front of him and he skid to a stop.

"What is stopping you?" looking straight at his eyes and he seems annoyed.

"You can tell her, Marc. It'll be different this time"

"Why do you want me to?" his face wrinkled, trying to comprehend why this topic was still going.

"Because you're going to be all alone in your apartment and probably sad and lonely while everyone else is happy"

"Just tell her, Marc"

"I think I'll be fine," he moves around her to get through but she gets in front of him again.

"If it makes you feel better, I can celebrate with you! I can cook some stuff too and we can hang out at your place. Then you guys won't be alone-" Her smile turned as she was cut off.

"Why do you care so much?" He said rather harshly, "You're just a neighbor and a coworker for me and Steven"

Y/N inhaled deeply, feeling her body get a wave of a mental wound. It hurt, but it was true. She had no actual connection to the holiday or them, so why was she making such a big deal about it? It was his life, not hers, and he had the maturity to make that choice.

Marc's eyes widened when he saw her hurt expression. He didn't mean to say those words; it was a coping mechanism he used frequently. But now he was staring back at Y/N, who was looking at him with dejection in her eyes.

He immediately gave Steven control, forcing him to hide in the mind space. Steven looked down at her and smiled reassuringly, guiding her back on their way.

"He didn't mean it; as I said before, he is quite sensitive on the matter," he continued to hold the bags on the way back.

"...Am I being too pushy with you guys?" she looked down at her feet.

"No, it's rather very 'you' to be worried about small things like a holiday"

"It's not that small. Just tell me why?"  She almost begged Steven. "I've told him stuff about my life back at the Field of Reeds when I needed to, and he listened. The least I can do is listen to his too, he doesn't have to hold it all in"

Steven thinned his lips and looked at the passing mirrors on her side. Marc's reflection returned a guilty look to Y/N. He knew she wouldn't mind him talking about his childhood, but he didn't want to add that weight to her shoulders. He also didn't want her to change the way she acted around him.

“…that will have to be a different topic for a different day. How about instead we focus on how your family will react with these gifts” he gestured the bags to her, trying to get a smile out of her.

Seeing what he was doing, she obliged, “uh yeah”

“Atta girl, now I think that with just a few bows and whatnot, and you’ll have amazing looking presents” he continued babble about her family and decorations.

All Y/N could do was listen, she was still a bit sad that they both didn’t trust her in sharing their past. It made her wonder if she was trying to force this closeness too far.

—

Before Y/N could tell Steven good night, she made sure that Marc also heard it from her.

“Hey Marc, you might be angry with me or something but good night dude” she waved at Steven.

He smiled and gave a small nod before going into his apartment. Closing the door, Y/N looked at her apartment and at all the Christmas decorations. Currently, she was still sensitive to what Marc told her. She knew he didn't mean it but it still hurt.

She sat on her couch and looked up at the ceiling, recalling how the two looked as they brought up their Jewish holiday. It was the same way she looked whenever she remembered the day her grandfather died or when her mother yelled at her cruelly. It was like their perspective of Hanukkah was one similar. Where something horrible happened that day, that has been engraved in their minds.

She felt almost like a cartoon character as she felt the lightbulb in her head go off. If they hadn’t celebrated, that means the last image they have is of something terrible. So why not try to replace that image with one more positive?

She took out her phone and began researching the holiday and a few traditions. What the menorah symbolized. How to play dreidels. Ways to cook Jewish foods.   And the types of decorations that some families use. She looked up family vlogs of Jewish families to make Marc and Steven feel even more at ease.

Gathering all her information, she began planning the surprise for Steven and Marc.

-

The next day, Y/N spent it by buying ingredients and a few decorations that were in blue and white. Back at her apartment, she began practicing in cooking the meals and wouldn’t come out until she perfected them. At times Steven would call to check on her, seeing that she has been locked away in her flat. All she would say is that she was fine and that she was just getting a few things ready for the holidays.

However, the boys were concerned because she hadn't been seen all day. Marc, in particular, believed she was angry at them and refused to speak to them. Steven would reassure Marc that it wasn't the case, but Marc was already convinced.

"Mate, Y/N isn't mad at us. If she was, she would have cursed at us long before we ended the conversation," Steven joked, attempting to cheer Marc up.

"…Maybe," Marc would say before disappearing into his headspace, where he would continue to think of ways to apologize to her.

As the sun began to set, Y/N gave one last look before patting herself on the back. She had tried numerous times to improve the cooking and would continue to do so to see if they wouldn't kill Marc and Steven. She considered it a success because she was still breathing.

She was nervous about pulling this surprise because she didn't know how the boys would react. Will they be grateful? Or would they be furious with her?

They made it clear that they didn’t want to celebrate.

The only way to find out was to wait until tomorrow. The plan was to wait for them to leave their apartment, which they usually did in the evening to go for a walk. With them gone for at least an hour or two, she had enough time to set everything up.

“You sure it’s going to work? What if they decide to stay in?”

“Then… I’ll ask them to bring me some supplies or something, I don’t know” she shrugged and began to put the decoration away in a bag.

“This is gonna go to shit”

“Thanks for the optimism”she said sarcastically.

———

It was the next day, and Y/N had spent it preparing various Jewish foods. The whole apartment was filled with a mixed aroma of sweet and savory. She wrapped the trays in foil to keep them warm until the time came. She looked up decorating ideas and built inspiration as she waited for the time to come.

She waited for the man across the hall to open his door and leave, as he did every time. She peered through the peephole when she heard the door close and saw Marc walk towards the elevator. She waited a few moments to make sure he didn't return, which he didn't.

As he walked away, he appeared to be deep in thought; perhaps she had caused him to have flashbacks of those bad memories. Or, hopefully, he was thinking about enjoying the holiday and went to do some last-minute shopping. Not to worry, she had it covered.

"I think it's neither of those, especially the second one"

"Shush"

She began gathering the decorations and making her way to their apartment once she was certain. They got in by having Mania open the door from the inside by slipping under the space between the door and the floor. Y/N took in her surroundings and mentally mapped out everything.

“Okay, okay, this should be easy” she breathed out.

———

The sun had set after an hour, and Marc was on his way back to his apartment. Going out was routine, but he needed to this time. He wanted to get something Y/N as an apology. He didn’t know how, he couldn’t even apologize to Layla for what he did to her. Normally, giving flowers worked, but he knew Y/N wasn't into that sort of thing, and it would be strange to receive a bouquet from a man twice her age.

Instead, he got her a bag of things she liked as a peace offering with the help of Steven. It was filled with her favorite snacks and a few items from her favorite shows, such as a t-shirt and mug.

Marc walked to the elevator after opening the complex's entrance. As the elevator climbed the levels of the building, he breathed in and out to try to relax. He was nervous because he was afraid she would yell at him or refuse to open the door for him.

“Marc, she isn’t one to hold grudges, I think... I’m sure she is over it”

“You don’t know that. She hasn’t talked to us since we went to the mall. I shouldn’t have said that, maybe I should have told her or just taken the offer” Marc gripped the bag and stared at the floor.

He stepped out of the elevator and walked to Y/N’s door. He stood there for a second before knocking. Waiting for a sign, he knocked again but there was nothing. Swallowing heavily, he knew she was upset and didn't want to open the door. She was probably on her bed, her eyes puffy from crying herself to sleep, thinking about his comment.

He didn’t want to force her to open the door, so he turned to Steven and his place. As his hand moved to the doorknob, he heard shuffling inside and his senses went up. He remembers he locked the door, he could even ask Steven, he was there.

It went smoothly when he gave it a turn. He slowly opened the door, taken aback. He was tense and ready to fight anyone who charged at him, but no one did.

Instead, he noticed blue and white streamers dangling from the ceiling. He moved slowly through the apartment, ending up behind Gus' fish tank. He noticed Steven's desk, where he used to read, had been cleaned up, and there was a blue table cover. It had a white table runner with the Star of David symbol on both sides.

Paper dreidels hung from the ceiling, and white lights illuminated the area. There were a few dreidels and a lot of golden chocolate coins on the desk.

The menorah Marc saw in the window display, however, was in the center. The one with the nine candles and the engraving at the bottom.

The whole set was in front of the window that overlooked the street. Where pedestrians walked by and admired the display from afar.

He gazed in awe before turning around to face Y/N. She wore a navy blue long-sleeve turtleneck with black jeans. She was carrying what appeared to be latkes. She smiled nervously and gripped the tray, not wanting to drop them and create an embarrassing memory.

“Surprise!”

Marc just stood there, still staring at her which caused her to almost shrink. He was maybe getting ready to yell at her.

"Yeah, I didn't know how you would react and I knew if I told you, you might have gotten angry or something. But I didn't want to keep you from the holiday stuff, you know?" She waited for a reaction.

"If your angry with me, I get it, just say the word and I'll take everything down and we don't have to talk about this ever again," she gulped. "Even if you don't ever want to talk to me again, I'll understand. You don't have to explain. Just say the word, and I'll-"

“He’s not angry”

Y/N paused and heard the bag he was holding fall to the floor. Her eyes trailed from the floor to Marc's face. Her eyes widened at his expression.

He had tears streaming down his face.

-

Layla was the last person who actually cared about Marc. She always seemed to bring the sun to him before and after they married. She would do small acts of affection for him, such as buying him something that reminded her of him or holding his hand when he was anxious. When they were together, he felt so loved and important every day. Nonetheless, he pushed her away at the end.

He pushed her away, believing that his existence would bring her harm and chaos. He argued that it was for the best and it was all for her happiness. After disappearing, he thought that no one else would ever show him the same affection. He even accepted it and contemplated his future in loneliness. That is until Y/N appeared.

The young adult was struggling to make sense of her life in London, but she still made time for him and Steven. Even after they saved the world from Harrow, she stayed by their side.

During lunch breaks, she would bring out two Tupperware containers filled with food. When looked closer, it turned out that she would make what the two liked. Steven was, of course, vegan, and he loved tomatoes, so she would prepare a vegan dish for him. Marc was vague but liked savory things like mushrooms or buffalo sauce, so she would end up making something he liked.

He'd always tell her she didn't have to, that sharing with Steven was fine with him. With that statement, he expected her to simply nod and continue serving Steven his customized food, saving her energy. But, no offense to Steven, she would say it wasn't fair to have him eat something he didn't like. She'd then have him eat his food while she ate hers.

She probably didn't think much of her words, and she probably thought it was normal to say. Nonetheless, it made Marc feel important.

-

Now she had taken time away from her day to incorporate his holiday into his life, even after his comment from a couple of days ago.

She most likely did her research and double-checked everything. She included a variety of foods, including sufganiyot, which he could tell was made by hand. Even some of the decorations he saw were made by hand. Aside from that, he realized she is very attentive to his eyes. Y/N got him the menorah that she somehow knew he loved. The reason why he was memorized by the menorah is that it was the same one he used as a child when his younger brother would help him in lighting it.

His brother always gave him the type of sibling love that made Marc miss. Because of his brother's death, he assumed that he would never receive that same affection again.

But here he was, in front of someone who made him realize he was enough. That he didn't have to be perfect and that he was fine the way he was. Even with all his flaws and fears.

More tears continued to pour and he tightened his hands into fists., sniffles coming from him. This made Y/N panic, thinking that she might have set off some horrible memory for him.

She hurried to place the tray on the small table Steven had, quickly apologizing.

"Don't worry, I'll put everything back!" She looked around for a place to begin.

Marc smiled and shook his head, giving one last sniff before pulling her into a hug. She stood frozen, perplexed by what just happened. His hug was tight like he was pouring all his gratitude and love from the past months.

"Don't," He pulls away and looks her in the eyes "Kid, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm sorry for what I said earlier. You aren't just some neighbor or coworker, you're my best friend and I want you to know that"

This time Y/N was tearing up which was followed by a few tears falling, "Man, you really got me crying,". She wiped her tears and sniffled, "I'm glad we're officially best friends, dude"

Marc softly laughs, ruffling her hair. She lets it happen, and that's when her eyes fall to the bag that fell, "What's that?"

"Oh, uh, I thought you were angry with what I said the other day" He picks the bag up.

"So you were going to ask for forgiveness by bribing me with stuff?" she raised her eyebrow.

"No...sort of. I got you-" he was stopped by Y/N raising her hands up to stop him from talking.

"Don't tell me! You can use the wrapping paper I have over there" She indicates a roll of white and blue paper with dreidel designs. "That's all I have left from wrapping your guys' presents."

“Presents?” Y/N motions to the stack next to Steven's desk. Marc follows her finger and discovers roughly 16 presents wrapped in the same paper as before. He approaches them and notices a few with his and Steven's names on them.

"Yeah, I saw that some families are trying to make gifts a tradition, so I figured why not make this," she said, motioning to the decorations. "A new tradition, if that's okay with you."

Marc smiles and nods, “Yeah that sounds great, I’d like that”

They spent the rest of the night spinning dreidels. Of course, Marc had to teach Y/N how to play first, explaining what each symbol meant. If the dreidel landed on the nun, she would get no gelt or chocolate coins. She'd get all of the gelt if it landed on the gimel. Hay means she gets half, whereas shin means she only gets one gelt.

For some reason, once she got the hang of it, she was getting more gelt than Marc. Each time she landed on a good symbol, she would hold a grin on her face. He asked her if she was using gum or something to make the dreidel land on hay or gimel, but she denied it.

"Hahahah! We are winning!"

That's when Steven entered the picture, and they were now almost tied. Marc was just baffled at how they were good at a simple game, it made him question his luck.

"No! Don't let him win!"

Finally, they decided to call it even and split the candy equally.

"We should just quit because if we continue, I know imma get all the gelt. I don't want to hurt your manly ego," she said as she shrugged her shoulders.

"Of course, I would have won the pot and you would have knocked everything off the table," Steven said as he sat cross-legged on the floor.

Marc and Steven tried the dishes made by Y/N after they finished playing. Her leg shook with excitement as she waited for them both to try the latkes and sufganiyot. Steven loved it, saying how she nailed it at getting the flavor. Marc, on the other hand, would mess with her and pretend to vomit.

“You’re an ass, you know that?” She leaned back in her chair, her arms crossed.

"Sorry, sorry, it's good…for the most part," he said quietly, prompting Y/N to kick him on the shin.

With all that done, they both moved to the menorah, ready to light the first candle. Y/N let Marc take the wheel since he knew the prayers more. He still hesitated but when he glanced at Y/N, he knew everything was alright. He started it off and soon Y/N joined in too, surprisingly pronouncing the words correctly.

Once done, with the shamash candle lit, Marc lit the first candle to the right. Marc placed the shamash candle in the center after it was lit and continued to recite the hanerot halalu.

When they finished, the two stared at the menorah as the small fire melted the wax. After about 30 minutes, they turned off the candles. Y/N remembered the gifts by he table and quickly grabbed two of them to give to Marc.

He blinked and carefully took the gift-wrapped box, as if it was so fragile it would break if he breathed on it.

Y/N bounced her feet and waited for him to open his present. He took off the lid of the box and paused to look at the inside. What he pulled out was a brown jacket with metal buttons down the middle.

"I remembered how your favorite jacket back at Mogart's got ripped up and how you were so devastated," she teased, "So I saw it back at the mall and I thought you'd like it"

"What the hell..." he said as he started putting it on to see how well it fit, and it was just like his old one, "It's just like my old one, but better! Look! It's even got more pockets! Thank you, I love it" he said as he hugged Y/N.

Steven then switched in and he looked at her, “I might sound like a child, but me next” he clasped his hands together.

She smiled and handed him his, and he didn't wait long before he began ripping it open. He was right, he was acting like a kid. What he pulled out was a deep brown leather messenger bag.

“Again, your bag was kinda destroyed by that jackal back when and you needed a new one. Plus you make it work” she gestured to the present.

"I love it!" he said, extending the bag away from his face with an open grin. "Oh, this leather will definitely keep water at bay. Thank you very much, Y/N."

She smiled proudly as Steven also went in to give her a hug.

Marc and Steven then wrapped one of her gifts and presented it to her. She pulled out a t-shirt from her current favorite show. She squealed and put it on right away to see if it fit.

“This is fucking cool!” She stretched the hem out to see the front image clearly.

“I’m glad you did, I helped Marc look around at that Hot Topic, you should have seen him. He was confused out of his mind” Steven laughed and so did Y/N.

“No I wasn’t, everything was just dark and gloomy”

--

For the whole week, Y/N would come to their apartment when the sun began to set. They would go and play a few rounds with the dreidel, eat a few latkes, and maybe have a conversation about the upcoming year. They would then follow the same routine of praying and lighting the candles. After Y/N would ask about what songs Marc would play and they would listen to a few while singing.

Later into the night, they would open the next present of the day. A leather watch for Marc and a gold bracelet for Steven were among the gifts they received.

On the last day, just when Marc was going to light the candle, he paused to think. That's when he turned to Y/N and handed her the shamash candle.

“Wait, you want me to light the candle? You sure? What if I burn the place down?”

He shook his head, “I doubt it, I believe in you”

Those words gave Y/N motivation and a sense of gratification.

Y/N took a deep breath and began slowly lighting all of the candles on the menorah, placing the shamash back in its place. She took a step back and gazed at the dancing flames that illuminated the small area of the flat.

They sat down to eat at the dining table after saying their prayers. Y/N ate her latke while talking. The conversation was about how she was excited about the new schedule for her next quarter of college, saying how there would be classes she actually liked.

Marc remained silent and listened as she continued to speak. He hadn't shared a holiday moment with anyone in years, let alone celebrated it.

When he thought of Hanukkah, the first thing that came to mind wasn't his mother yelling at him. The sense of loss and regret.

This time, it would be where Y/N rambled about her interest as she ate Jewish foods on Steven's wooden dining table. Where the feeling of comfort and love came.

They were just two people, with different lives, different backgrounds, and in different places in time.

Yet here they were sitting at some old apartment sharing a memory.

———————

Tbh, I had to make up some problem in order to lead to the lowkey angst at the middle. It probably doesn’t make sense, so I’m sorry.

Also let me know if I got anything wrong about Hanukkah. PLZZ

Anyways I hope yall are enjoying your winter break :)

Happy Holidays!!

PS: if you're coming from my series, the next chapter will be taking place after this holiday special. Meaning, see yall in January....? Idk, depends if I just want to write already.

Taglist: @itsjusspele @dustyinkpages @scoliobean @moonywritings

[didhewinkback]

Reread something old (again oops) and can't find the birthday boy blurb, the link gets me out of the app and if I search directly on your blog it doesn't appear. Anyway, was YN the first call Harry made to announce the big 1D break? How did she get along with the boys when she was on tour during the summers? Would she hang out with Gemma too when both of them were in London getting closer over their shared love of Harry/missing him?

omg thank u for rereading !! the link is still working for me ? so idk whats happening with that. i'll tag it as birthday boy also so hopefully it appears then ! ill answer your questions after the jump to not clog the dash however one thing i need to say here and now is that mc and gemma have been family friends since they were kids and their friendship and lives do not revolve around harry pls enjoy my LONG answers to ur questions below:

1d break: they had been having a lot of late night phone calls across the pond about the state of the band since zayn left / talked about it in person whenever he was home and she was on break from uni, so she knew he was making moves and things were on the horizon and he was feeling so overworked, tired and creatively stuck, in need of something new. when it was officially officially announced, he gave his family the heads up first and then let her know with a "looks like we're both graduating this year" text and she went to their london show and obvi she was at the last show in that act my age conga

the boys: she wouldn't be at the tours for more than 2 weeks at most during the summer, and usually was with gemma or johnny hanging out with them or members of the crew. she got along with all of them quite well, they were very familiar with her and comfortable around her but got along best with niall, he'd join them on some late night adventures sometimes, always up for a laugh. there was one year she flew over by herself & harry was poorly one night but he refused to let her stay in with him, so she and niall hit up the bars together even though neither of them were legally allowed to drink in the us yet, sending selfies to harry with every new drink they had much to his annoyance. they don't really keep in touch anymore apart from the occasional instagram story reply, but he did make a point to message her after he and harry hung out 2 years ago saying he was buzzing that they were finally together and he hopes he can see her soon

gemma: she and gemma have been family friends since they were neighbors when she was 6, though she was always closer to harry obviously, she and gemma grew closer as they got older and the gap between their ages felt much less significant than it had at 11 and 15. they both went to uni in london and would meet up every few months to catch up. their lives and friendship don't revolve around harry though he comes up in conversation, but they're never hanging out because he's not there and they've got nothing better to do. she was quite nervous to see gemma for their first solo hang since the wedding, harry really wanted to come with but she knew she had to do this bit on her own. it was several months after the wedding was called off, just after christmas time when they told their families they were together and she was bloody nervous about it, prepared to get reamed only for gemma to hug her the second she saw her saying "i always, always wanted it to be you" before doing the classic styles smirk, "i just figured you two stubborn bozos would never get your shit together." and now gemma is very much in the loop with the engagement, she's harrys right hand woman, but she's the best secret keeper in the family and you haven't a clue

[deeppearldiver]

6.24.24

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog; I know no ones looking but this stands as another commitment I made to myself shattered. Since I've last posted I've enrolled in early college, missed the last 3 weeks of school, and found out my mother was bipolar. More has happened, but I can't seem to remember much else.

I'm excited for early college, though I'm nervous for the workload. As for the other 2 major events, my mother had an episode(?) in which she felt like she was going to be killed. She walked into my room on a Sunday morning and told me someone was trying to kill her and we were leaving. The night before she lied to me, saying she was going out to get Afghan food, she asked if I wanted to come. I said no. She was gone for a couple hours, I got a bit worried and checked her location. She was at the airport, I, like an idiot, gave her the benefit of the doubt, assuming that there was a restaurant in the airport. I got a bit suspicious when they didn't bring any leftovers, and my siblings all rummaged through the fridge looking for something to eat. But again, benefit of the doubt. Maybe the portions were small, or the food was expensive, or they didn't like it. Then I woke up the next morning. I cried, begged, and screamed; she didn't care. She took my phone, saying that it was being tracked. I begged her to give it back, she said she would after I packed, so I did, then she said it was on the bookshelf, I couldn't find it, then she said she'd bring it to the airport. I swore would never trust her again if she didn't, and that's something I'm sticking too. When we got to the airport, all of the sudden, she mentioned she forgot, I didn't think that I could manage to be mad while I felt so helpless, yet I'd never been angrier. It was the phone, but also the fact that she kept lying, she didn't care about me, how I would feel, how it would affect me. She told the lady at the service desk I was mad because she forgot my phone, which was only a part of it, she took me out of the country and out of my school because of her feelings, not thinking about mine, or my siblings. The old ady looked at me and told me to forgive her, I didn't say anything, I should've, maybe if I told her what was going on she could've saved me. I'll never know, because I stood there. I cried in the airport, and the whole ride there, I was so helpless, she didn't care. Then we touch down in London, and she embarrased me in front of my family, she made it harder than it already was, just to stick it to me. My family asks if she'd been taking her medication, I didn't even know she was sick. I spent my whole life feeling like my mom and I's horrible relationship was my fault, that I was wrong or bad, and my family supported that narrative. Then all of a sudden, she's at their doorstep, and they get to know what it's like to be me for a second, and now she's sick? She wasn't sick when she stalked me on the playground, or beat me, or invaded my privacy, or made fun of me in front of everyone, or forced me to stay behind while my famiiy went out and had fun when I was just a kid, or kicked me out, or laughed at me when I said I felt suicidal and told my brothers so she could seem like the victim or made me feel hated and unloved and horrible. but she yells at them for 2 seconds and shes sick. Maybe I'm making this about me, maybe I'm being childish or immature, and not been sensitive to her illness. But I don't care, I spent my whole life caring, and it did nothing for me, because thought I always loved her, and cared about her, she's never cared about me, or loved me, not in the way she should've, not in the way I needed her too. I never told her, because I didn't want to hurt her. but when I was depressed and suicidal, it wasn't because of quarantine, it was because of her. I tried to kill myself after a fight with her, because I knew then things would never be better. I was right.

this is only half of the story but I'm crying and tired,

goodnight diary.

[blackvail22]

9/24/23 — 1:10am

theres a lot that happened within the past two days its insane. on the 22nd, i had to train this new associate for the whole day. he's rlly nice, and he's fun to talk to. he caught on really quick! im excited to work with him

also, that same day, i got back with my ex!!! it could be a dumb decision (because this is the 3rd time) but i really want things to work out. again, no one is going to know besides you... and... my coworkers, but thats different

the coworker that gave me his number, he gave me a note at work that says "im awkward so i dont know how to say this out loud, but i like you" and then taped a soda tab on it (it was the "hug" meaning one, which... i dont like but could be worse). so! ive told the new associate i have a boyfriend. im going to tell them i have a boyfriend, but im telling those im closest to at work that its because i dont want my worker to hit on me anymore

if he keeps going after that, i have to report him. im not letting someone get away with that, not this time.

i have to start standing up for myself... im just scared because of that teenager who got killed because she rejected her (adult) co-worker, im afraid its going to be me. this is the reason i dont like hearing abt death.

on another note, back to abt my boyfriend....

im writing this as soon as i ended the call with him. i miss him already. i wonder how and why my brain changes how i react to things because of a label. i feel so clingy. i want to talk to him more. he does make me happy, and i hope i make him happy too

oh, i also bought this candle... its supposed to "smell like london" and it says the scent is "afternoon biscuits and tea" so thats nice. i bought it to think of you, nd its nice that the color of the candle matches my room

oh last thing ! i took my permit drivers test and i passed it! feels so surreal because i never thought i was ever gonna end up driving but here we are lol

anyways i like this song

6:06am —

dude i couldnt fall asleep until like 4:30am and my mom woke me up at 5:30, screaming at me to find something i didnt have!!! i found it! and it was in her bag, a place she didnt look (because she only looked one place!!!!!!) at least i can sleep now, but idek if i can do that because i feel awake now. im going to sob. FUVKKK I HAVE A HEADACHE AND SINUS PAIN NOW IM GOING TO CRY DUDE. and the fact that she walked up the stairs to scream at me (she never walks up the stairs)???? ooo. im so mad bro! like im going to wake up whenever i have my alarms set and im going to punch a wall because i cant sleep without getting interrupted. IM PISSED TF OFF NOW bevause i havent had adequate sleep since my last off day (a week ago) and i dont have a lot of sleep for tomorrow because i have to wake up at 6am for an appointment thats 2hrs away. sure, ill sleep in the car, but with my mom? she wont let it happen. and i dont have another off day untl thursday, and i cant sleep in for that one either becahse i have another goddamn appointment in the morning. like, is this what being an adult is? being harrassed by coworkers, never having enough sleep, never able to fall asleep.... it cant be cause those all haopened when i was a teenager too. stuck in that cycle, though, and i cant wait for that cycle to finally end.

bad things always tend to happen to me. is it because i bring bad energy? AHHHHHHH i just need to scream cry

i am going to try to sleep now. I've rambled on for way too long

11:17pm

been incredibly sad today. i think it was my lack of sleep, or maybe it was my mom yelling at me and waking me up. still, my heart feels so ... heavy. i cant help but feel bad for people who love me. if i was them, i would choose anyone else to love endlessly. im undeserving of it all, anyway. i dont feel happy tonight. i hope tomorrow's better. i dont know what changed and made me feel this way because when i woke up and went to work, everything was fine until half way through my shift. it didnt really effect me, but them saying "oh, fun's over.. [my name]'s in a bad mood again.. everyone get away" keeps playing in my mind. it didnt affect me then, so i dont know why i keep thinking about it

i just want to fit on my roof and look at the moon, but its been rising really early so i dont think ill be able to see it now. ill watch some livestreams from space of the earth/the moon instead. something to comfort me while listening to music. i havent been able to watch any videos all the way through recently.. havent even been able to watch those gaming streams i like. hopefully ill feel better before i go to sleep

[leagueofleaguesff]

Week 1 Standings 💪

🏉🏈🏉🏈🏉🏈🏉🏈🏉

With week 1 in the books; above is how the Superstars faired. Each wrestler will have a backstage interview about how they rank. Before then, let's dive into the Sleeper stats and awards...

Oliver, who finished last last year, won 3 awards straight out the gate!

Facing Taurean - Oliver waaaay overachieved his projected stats with a new strategy going in. He went for the new IDP players early in the draft and it paid dividens immediately.

Oliver also got the biggest blowout in a win against Taurean.

Taurean had Drake London who got 0pts.

Oliver won his 3rd award (most of any owner in the premier week) for most efficient manager.

Delmar (who improved greatly last year and was in contention) got two awards himself. They weren't the good ones 😪

Delmar got underachieving and least efficient manager. Bummer.

Delmar lost, against last years championship Carla who won the award for least points in a victory. Not saying much on Delmars week 1 output.

Juan got the narrowest win over Matt 👀

If any consolation, Matt stacked his PF (in case for a tie for the playoff seeding) as he got the most points in a loss. His point total totaled over both Carla's and Delmars final box score - just not combined.

Noticed the Jets on Slicks bench. Ouch. That had to be crushing. 😮‍💨

Not to pour on Delmar (I promise 😁) but having Aiyuk score like that on his bench did him NO favors.

Oliver's TJ Watt IDP reach netted him 58 points‼️ Some Defenses don't even score that 😅

Speaking of defenses... Holy cow how it had to be a love/hate victory for the commish Lady Laura 😳 Her Giants were utterly destroyed in prime time against the Cowboys Defense ⭐️ who scored a glorious 90 points for her. She win but lost at the same damn time 🙄

Building on the commish woes (even in a win) she almost lost due to a surprise output of Allgeier on her bench.

Cousins surprised *sorta* so understandable for him to be one of the bench warmers. Luckily for Jermaine, Herbert did well enough (even tho less than Cousins) to still earn a win.

Juan had Tyreek. He better have won!

Oliver had Tua AND CMC.... cmon man

Before we get to the wrestlers promos, let first congratulate Carla again for winning the 💳 Sleeper league last year on top of winning a stunning amount of awards in ILL FL along with the top prize trophy 🏆 in the other Core 4 league.

Now let's hear from our NFL Smackdown Superstars 🎤 🎙 🎤 🎙 🎤 🎙 🎤 🎙 🎤

[lnights]

Hi

I'm glad you had a good time at Download Festival.

My week (meaning last week) has been very mixed. Started off by seeing Ice Nine Kills for the first time last Monday evening. Holy shit there were good. Had such a good time. Plus I might have converted my dad into liking their music.

Unfortunately the following day my parents received a phone call informing them that a relative had passed away.

Then the next day I went to see Harry styles at London Wembley stadium night two for the first time. He was amazing as well as the support act - wet leg I'm so gay for them - and the rest of his band. Must admit I'm quite into his music. The whole experience was epic!!! Also during one of his songs called As It Was there is a line - leave america. For some reason the fans shout that line out (which I did along with 90,000 other people). I've seen tik toks of people who are outside the stadium and recorded that part. Jesus we were loud. Anyway I could go on and on about this gig. But I definitely felt the post concert depression for the next few days.

I woke the next day ill as fuck. Then the second day back at work I ended up crying in the toilets because I felt so rough. Tried to act like I was okay and that I'd not been crying. But I got sent home a bit earlier than I normally would that day. I must admit I felt a bit embarrassed and weak for crying in the toilets. I know there is nothing wrong with crying and that I shouldn't have felt like that.

On a different note I started to watch this new TV show called Last King of the Cross. Damn my bi ass is just.......wow what character am supposed to be watching. I find quite a few of the characters 😳🥵. But personally I find one of the main characters 🥵 wowzer......is it getting hot in here 👀😆 Also there was scene in one episodes where there are boxing and I wasn't expecting it and the noise I made.......😆.....let's just say it was a weird squeak and I was glad no one else was around when it happened.

Thank you for letting me share.

I'm glad you had fun with INK!

Sorry about your relative 🫂

I love As It Was 💕

I hope you're feeling better now! Concert crud can be awful.

Sounds like a good show 😏