#but i was far away in the process
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"I always thought that princes got to choose their own destiny. I guess I was wrong." - Yasmeen to Malachai when seeing the pressure he's under
“This is just a myth, nothing else.”
Malachai shrugged, looking at the status of Farore in front of him. The prince wasn't a pious man, but he found himself being drawn to the place quite often lately. The fact that Yasmeen was there during her free time probably play a role in it, for her presence was quite relaxing to him, but he did not want to admit it just yet. As usual, they were silent, they did not need words, they were both content with the silence, which was perfect for Malachai. The man loved his siblings, but they were real chatterboxes sometimes, and the church was the only place here where he could avoid his brother and sister, for none of them would dare disturb such a sacred place. Yasmeen wasn't the talkative kind of girl, and it was refreshing. She wasn't trying to pierce through his shell, it even seemed that she was happy with him being silent.
“I thought that if I was staying in the Fae kingdom, I could avoid my responsibility, but it seemed that I was completely wrong.” He sighed, before looking at Yasmeen who had her eyes on him.
“What are you going to do?”
“What my father want me to do. Meet the ladies he'll send for me.” He answered, but Yasmeen could see that it wasn't the answer he wanted to give her. “I really was hoping that Morgana will reject my father request to send them here.”
“The High Queen isn't threatened by young ladies, even less if they come from the sea.”
“Is that an insult?”
“Not at all, just an observation.”
The prince laughed a little, and he felt a bit more relax now. Yasmeen had this effect on him, every time he was tense, he just needed to spend a few hours with the servant for him to forget what was troubling him. Sometimes, when she wasn't there, he just needed to think about her smile for him to feel better. But right now, it seemed that the young girl's presence wasn't enough to make him forget the discussion he had with his father, a few hours sooner. Triton had had enough of his little game of avoidance. He knew that if his eldest son was so often at the Seelie Court, it wasn't only to make sure his sister was safe, but also to avoid his duty, and the duty he was avoiding the most was marriage.
Triton started to talk about it a few months back, and Malachai did not think much about it. He knew that, as the eldest, he should have been married a long time ago, but with Calypso's ordeal, he succeeded to deflect the situation. But now that things were settled, he knew he couldn't escape anymore. But the High King of the ocean was growing tired of his son's game, and was becoming more insistent in the idea of marrying him. If Malachai did not want to come meet the bachelorette his father found for him, then they will come to him instead. The prince knew that, with a pending war against the fae, Triton wanted to be sure he'll secure his bloodline. He did not know why it was so important for his father, for he knew he'll never give his throne, so having an heir shouldn't be his priority.
“You do not want to see them.” Yasmeen said, which bring him back to reality, and it was more an observation than a question.
“I do not want that, no...” Malachai admit before sighing.
“Why? I mean, maybe you'll find a match among them.” She whispered, and Malachai thought he heard a bit of resentment, and the perspective of that made him smile a little, but he might have imagined it.
“You know perfectly why.”
To go with his words, he slowly and softly put his hand on Yasmeen's one. He thought, for a minute, that she would withdraw her hand, break the physical contact that he was daring to make, but she did not. She even surprised him by squeezing his hand, while looking in front of her. They stay silent, holding hands like children would do when they are in love. This was the only physical contact they allowed themselves to have in a semi-public place, here, in the church. No one ever came here, they knew it, so they knew they wouldn't be disturbed or caught, but that does not mean they weren't careful, they were constantly on the look-out. Even now, when they knew they were at peace, alone, they couldn't help but look behind them to be sure no one sneaked into the church without their knowledge.
The only place they allowed themselves to be open and affectionate was in Malachai's room. And yet, even there it was quite hard for both of them to be truly affectionate with one another, for both of them weren't used to it. Sometimes, the prince was envious to his sister and brother, who were showered with love by their mother growing up, making them more comfortable to express their feelings. Malachai had to grow up in a strict environment, with Triton, who believed that physical contact and love were just weaknesses.
The merman did not let go of Yasmeen's hand, although he knew he should. To be honest, he was craving for more, he wanted to hug her, tell her how lovely she looked right now, and most importantly, that he loved her. He wanted to say those words again and again, but he did not have the luxury to do it outside the comfort of his room.
“Believe me when I say I don't want to do this.”
“I do believe you.”
“But I can't go against my father.”
“I know that.” Yasmeen showed no emotion, like usual, but she squeezed his hand a little more, and he liked to believe she was as annoyed as he was by his father's decision. “When are they coming?”
“In two days.”
“That means we won't be able to see each other as much.”
“I wish things were different. For us.”
“Do you wish I was noble blood?”
“I wish I wasn't a prince.”
The girl looked at him, quite surprised by such words. She really thought Malachai was quite content with his status, just like his sister was, but right now she was seeing a different side of him. A prince with too much responsibility on his shoulders, someone his father was asking too much from. Someone who would never be able to leave the life he wanted and deserved. It was the first time the merman voiced those words. It wasn't the first time he thought them, many times in the past he was wishing he wasn't a prince, at least not the firstborn, but it was the first time he felt comfortable enough to confess it to someone. After that, they stayed silent. They both did not know what to say more. After a moment, Malachai kissed the back of Yasmeen's hand, that he was still holding. He did not want to break this only physical contact they had, but he had too. It's with a heavy heart that he let go of her, before standing and adjusting his jacket.
“Will you come tonight? We can discuss a strategy for me to avoid those boring ladies.”
“I'll be there, yes.” She answered with amusement, and he couldn't help but smile.
“With a bit of luck, Aeron will distract them all from me.”
“I do think that he will definitively try.” This time she laughed, and his heart missed a beat to the sound of it. He once again took her hand, before kissing it, making her smile in the process.
“I'll see you around, Meena.” He said before quietly leave the church.
#malachai blackwater#kai x yasmeen#maleen#malachai writing prompt#writing prompt#i hate it so much#but i was far away in the process#i didn't want to delete everything#but i am not proud of it#some part are fine#but others are crap#it's hard to write for a character who doesn't show emotions#when you're used to show yours#but kai is interesting to write about#so i guess it's fine#icanbeyourgenie
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i thought / m a n / these girls are quite heartless 🤣 when i accepted the quest at /clearly/ inconvenient time to swim & dive
#the lake was like a pool of darkness at night; and i had to get him swim to the center of it; so far away from the surface#it was so scary; as if he will just disappear & never come back to the surface once i let him dive in; to the darkness#poppy sweeting#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy mc#fanart#grace pinch smedley#The Lost Astrolabe#Nerida Roberts#Merky Depths#animagus has no business having to be so hard to achieve........... ; i would want to turn to animals too..........#but the process is sooooooo elaborate........ ; i would choke a thousand times on the mandrake leaf ;#& one of them would get to the wrong pipe and end me before i achieve anything ...............................#anyhow imagining everyone as animals is just like what floyd does; as a mermaid; giving everyone nicknames as sea creatures#there was a manga where everyone can turn into animals but this one boy that has social difficulty i think; i wonder if i can find it again#i think it had not been updated for the longest time#augh also reminds me of 0ki from 0kami#i envy him and the 0ina people who can transform into dogs#i am off to watch the rest of br1dgeton episodes of season 3
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anyway related to my "gullible" post i do think bonnie didn't really have a lot of friends / any good friends. i'm taking a watsonian approach to "some of the things bonnie does seem more like age 5-8 than 10-12", and a doylist approach to "everyone in this party grew up kinda lonely and feels disconnected from their peer group"
#thoughts#thoughts about bonnie#bambouche is so small no one woulda gotten away with being Mean to bonnie. and people were generally Nice anyway#they still had friends and got to do fun things with them#they just.. didn't get invited to play Every game#and the person they considered their best friend didn't consider bonnie to be even top three#yknow#lots of factors...#bonnie wasn't there as a baby/toddler - they arrived right at the age where kids start to remember and care who's already their friend#and bonnie and nille were 'the newcomers' and will remain as such for 10 or 20 years#and for the first couple years bonnie was behind in most social-emotional and academic skills due to their early years in an abusive house#and while they mostly caught up#'forming close bonds with peers' is just a rly hard thing to catch up on#bc if you're too far behind you just don't get the chance to practice and thus you fall even further behind#and then specifically some of the words bonnie needs help with i would expect them to already know / have no issue pronouncing#possible explanations could be that vaugardian is a second language or they've got some language or auditory processing issues#and either way - having trouble communicating can rly isolate you esp as a kid#also everyone in this party is autistic. to me#isat#bonnie#isat bonnie
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the purely technical issue i have with genshin is that they have started to prolong dialogue sections into awfully large bits. it means that if your game crashes or you have to step away from playing or lose connection, you will have to replay a big chunk of unskippable dialogue that you already know, until you get back on track. i really wish we had more stops in between for the game to save and reload safely, even if it’s just teleporting, walking a bit with the character, moving time, anything at all to get out of the dialogue for a break without losing your progress.
#—gaming.#i have noticed it first around the latest lantern rite — unusually long conversation between some npcs and then zhongli#where i feel like there should be a pause before zhongli’s arrival if it were to follow the past tendencies#it was also quite annoying during some story quests in fontaine (especially when many characters from there are quite talkative)#hmm… natlan tribe chronicles etc. seem fine tbh but i’ve only done kinich so far so can’t really say much#but they also don’t feel like story quests and i think that playable characters deserve separate story quests anyway!!!#archon quest is quite yappy too and i really want a break to process information and walk away from pc without leaving the game open lol#my friend had to tap the dialogue button constantly for 10 minutes after their genshin had crashed in the middle of the quest
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My Connection Lost Comm of White Fang Members by @ogariane
#blake belladonna#ghira belladonna#adam taurus#sienna khan#rwby#art#<3#Was nervous as it was my first time commissioning someone to draw four people but the process was very smooth thanks to the artist ^^'#& they did such a great job. They took my changes and applied all of them. There were a lot (From switched poses/images to added colour)#(I especially love the different styles of the tvs and the tvs they're holding are blurry yet they themselves are crystal clear)#I thought it'd be nice to portray how adam and blake were once connected to each other and ghira/sienna but have since lost that connection#as they each form their own core ideas/values of what the faunus should do in the face of discrimination and how best to assist their peopl#Small tidbit: The TVs they're sitting on as foundation are meant to represent the previous faunus leaders who had their signals cut off.#(The white fang may have been founded by Ghira but with how far away the war/revolution and creation of the faunus. . . there had to have#been other leaders before him).
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Star Wars + Moodboards
Clone Trooper: Sister
"What's your name, trooper?" “Sister. It's how my brothers tell everyone I belong."
#clone trooper sister#the clone wars#sw the clone wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars tcw#tcw#swtcw#sw edit#swedit#star wars#queen's hope#star wars brotherhood#E. K. Johnston#this was tricky to choose images for#it doesn't seem realistic Sister would've had time or resources to access gender affirming cosmetic procedures & stuff if she wanted#i would HOPE that the doctors of the GAR would at least be able and willing to give her hormones if she wanted?#and idk what the timeframe is like for gender transition process a long time ago in a galaxy far far away#so idk ultimately chose to use photo of a model who's femme but whose features that reminded me of the earlier seasons TCW clones
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also there was a moment, at the very end when they see evan at the other end of a long hallway, where i was very scared that when they reached each other aabria would say that evan passes right through them. thank god it was only that evan's dick is out
#laughs awkwardly#dimension 20#misfits and magic spoilers#there must be a catch. this can't be over yet. i mean this is aabria we're talking about#when evan came back i had like a whole checklist of questions#is evan's dead body still in his backpack or is it gone now. does evan have his shoes on (or are his stuff in sam's shadow)#is evan's arm back to its healed badly pre-explosion state or is it healed. if it is healed has all his other scars also healed#does evan have a shadow right now? does his shadow seem strange in anyway?#i thought it was really fun that brennan played dead evan as not just being physically but emotionally removed#he's not fully there he's so far away and he isn't fully processing or feeling anything that's happening#but once he's Back back he's like I MISSED YOU GUYS QAQ
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MORE WIPPY’S BC I FIXED THAT ONE THINGY AND I FINALLY ANIMATED THE VERY THING I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO !!!!
#umi💫’s art#i’m so far away from coloring it#BUT#it’s the process that matters to me 😭#this is such a learning experience for me and it’s been a blast#figuring out the road bumps that i have to stop and analyze it#ITS LITERALLY A PUZZLE OMG !!!
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I feel like I'm going insane. That episode read to me as a lot more tragic than other people are reading it. Yeah they were racist and rich and spoiled and awful but they were just kids. They were all just kids. Lindy was absolutely terrified throughout the whole thing and clinging desperately to what she knew, which was terrible. They could've had the chance to learn and become better but they chose to go die and it's infuriating and tragic because nobody deserves that. Nobody deserves to be eaten by slugs or die of exposure in the woods. Nobody deserves to suffer like that. But they chose it rather than let the Doctor help them because they'd rather stay in their rich white supremacist bubble and he just wants to help and there's nothing he can do.
Maybe it's because one of my core beliefs is that nobody deserves death and suffering. Nobody. Even the worst person on earth can learn from their mistakes and come back and change and everyone deserves that chance. There's no such thing as too late. But they're never going to get that chance because they actively rejected it and to me that's still very, very sad.
#dead men do tell tales#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#dot and bubble#I am losing my mind. I am actually losing my mind#maybe it's because my brain is always telling me that I'm the worst person alive#instead of just saying that no I'm not my response is to say yeah okay and even the worst person alive doesn't deserve to die and can chang#what matters is that I'm taking the next step. and anyone can choose at any point to take the next step#and they actively rejected doing that and it's sad and infuriating#because nobody deserves to die#but they get what they chose#there's also the fact that I was raised by racist trump supporters and had to unlearn a lot of shit#which I was only able to do because I got out of my small town cult bubble and I was actually willing to listen to people#the problem comes when you see assholes and go wow look at those horrible unsympathetic assholes I could never be like them#by treating them as solely monstrous and something completely different from you you ignore your own ability to be monstrous#because you're not like them you're better#even the worst person is still a person and not some cartoon villain#and thinks that their actions are justified#and I'm always looking at people being assholes and going what makes you think this behavior is okay. you clearly think you're in the right#seriously what makes you think this. I want to know your exact thought process so I can stay far the hell away from it#I've been the asshole thinking I was completely in the right and I've seen people be absolutely horrible and justify it to themselves#so I'm always aware that this could be me. I could be being a total fucking dick. so I'm going to study you so I can avoid that#also the next person who says it was because they didn't learn empathy/were unempathetic gets slapped
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As I'm dealing with that, I also want to know about the development of amalgamation within all the African empires.
#thats a whole continent away and also i need to unpack china first tbh.#but itd be so interesting to see how THEY responded to the change from panning gold to requiring additional processing#this was undoubtedly well-recorded by Timbuktu too#ahhhh i love history so much this makes me so happy#Oh additionally; if anyone has been following this saga and reading this far: I was reading Mercury Mining and Empire which is EXTREMELY#well researched and its such a joy to read although the subject matter is... god its hard. But im getting into the mercury toxicology bit#and the guy is explaining the difference between methyl mercury and inorganic mercury and im like u have done such a good job plz dont take#my thesis lololol#But also I'm hanging on this because its so well researched and he's spent time painting the picture of brutality that was enforced.#The Spanish Empire was so horrible.#I cannot emphasize enough how many people in the colonies knew this was wrong and even petitioned the king about the mita#and the petition was denied. They all wrote about the horrors of Potosi. They all knew where their silver came from.#One official notably wrote: 'I didnt come to the colony to have the doors of heaven closed upon me.'#and that plea to the crown hits harder than most of the descriptions.#ANYWAY sorry for the tag essay but my three hour flight was historically exciting~
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if i want to really think about it, the reason i tend to love de-aging fics so much is because it’s about loving someone for who they are at their most honest and most vulnerable, it’s about putting the pieces together on why they are the way they are, and it’s about taking care of someone without the expectation of "getting something" in return. i know a lot of people are uncomfortable with de-aging tropes, which i totally respect, but to me it’s kinda a variation on the "would you still love me if i was a worm?" kind of thinking. would you still love me if i was a burden would you still love me if i had nothing to give you but my presence would you still love me etc. etc. — well-written de-aging fics also do such a good job at imagining what an innocent, less traumatised version of the character would conceivably be like, what aspects of their personality are the result of them hardening over the years and what isn’t. writing kids is hard but writing a de-aged character is even harder, and i consider it a real talent to be able to realistically portray a de-aged character. and then how the other characters react to the de-aged character, what baggage they bring to the situation, how they have to change and adapt and learn about this other version of the character. it’s just that there’s so many layers of unpacking trauma, learning or relearning kindness, for everyone involved, and to me that can’t be anything other than cathartic to the nth degree
#im rereading a child once by tossawary can you tell#although this also applies to another one of my god tier fics away childish things#i think ppl bug about de-aging tropes bc they think of fanfic as being inherently sexual/romantic#but for me it’s always been about processing emotions full stop#romance is a secondary consideration#and in these fics it’s so not the focus or even on the radar until everyone is back to their rightful age#a child once has funny moments where it’s painfully clear that baby shang qinghua is fascinated by mobei#but i think anyone that makes that out to be anything other than a kid having a bit of a crush (which is totally developmentally normal)#is reaching a bit far#anyways i love fics like this they are genuinely so healing xx#fanfic
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Love jaydick and how they love each other.
They'll never have joy over a joined kill...
Jason will take pride in doing the right thing.
While Dick will suffer the misery of doing what needs to be done.
Dick loves Jason in spite of his violence. He acknowledges his lack of understanding of Jason's need to enact such form of justice, and he wouldn't necessary join Jason in his methods. But Dick's love for Jason is so strong he is willing to tolerate, for Jason only.
#jaydick#would this breed bitterness in their love?#maybe but surely not enough to break them apart#jason has his fair share of concessions for dick's sake#do i think tolerance is a great base for fictional love?#maybe but jaydick's love is that of a realistic basis jason and dick have been through so much to be away and close to each other#life worked against them with bruce in between them and their very interesting dynamic#loving each other is a conscious choice put into practice#jason love dick from the beginning while dick learnt to slowly accept his love and give some of his own back to jason#it' hard to put everything between them behind but they do it's a difficult process and they do their best with it#we have our own love in our life and tolerance. real selfless tolerance of another is such a great testament of love in my opinion#dick doesn't hang this over jason's head just like jason doesn't hang his many concessions (far more than dick) over dick's#they learnt from past experiences that this line of behaviour won't get them nowhere#so yeah#they decided to love each other despite everything&everyone#which is a damn hard thing to do if you are them lol
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seems like so far the #1 enemy of the bg3 modding community has been... *checks note* age. just like... any signs of age whatsoever.
#bg3#bg3 mods#fandom critical(?)#modder critical#when i started seeing these i tried to give people the benefit of the doubt#because i remember when i was in my late teens and early 20s the concept of being past my 30s/40s/etc felt so far away#and therefore people in those other age ranges seemed to exist in a different world from mine with different life experiences#and back then i would have created ocs that felt and looked as young as i was#and maybe would have felt uneasy romancing a character who seemed to have a large age gap with my oc since that's not my personal preferenc#and maybe SOME of the modders doing this are young and have similar reasons?#so i Sorta. Kinda. understand that thought process.#but i'm skeptical and would bet most of them are actually just adults who cannot handle age. period.#not to mention we're at the point where mods try to de-age npcs for no reason or straight-up ''''yassify'''' companions#or deprive them of their unique physical traits#and that's just. so frustrating and borderline gross.#let the characters in this game exist as they are. they have LIVED and they look like it!!!! that is good and their world is richer for it!#btw i'm talking about age and cosmetic changes exclusively. i'm not even including the racist whitewashing mods in this discussion because#those can go fuck themselves and i hope it goes without saying they deserve no benefit of the doubt. like zero#anyway. rant over for now#auri rambles
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pop stars aren't born in the 70s anymore like they used to be. These days they're born in a year uncomfortably close to my own which makes me clutch my chest and cry out
#music#musicians#Nia Archives was on radio the other day going 'my album's the first jungle album to be nominated for the Mercury Prize in over 25 years#that's such an honour! The last one was Roni Size and I wasn't even born then' --hang on a minute#that album was like. 1997. 'I wasn't even born yet'?#Folks she is a year older than me 😭(❤️ but also personally 😒)#Cat Burns' Mercury shortlisted album is called 'early twenties'. It is a term I am told I can no longer use for myself.#She says 'the album was a 4-year long process. I started writing it when I was 20.' Cat Burns is my age.#CMAT. Dublin's 'global superstar'. 1997. Literally she's such a classic popstar/country star I'd have expected to read like '1987' or somet#not in terms of saying she's old or anything; just that that seems appropriate for someone who's in control of their career#CMAT is like 2 years older than I am. It's so wild to me#especially this time! There have been a lot of debut albums you see#and I'm really proud of all these--I suppose at my age I'm allowed to say--kids; my peers? But it's also so strange to see#My peers are at the Mercuries. Declan McKenna is like a year older than me#That has been in my head ever since Brazil came out. He was 15. I was 14.#sigh it's a long road to either acceptance or such radical change that I 'catch up' with everyone; whatever that means#yes I'm well aware that comparison isn't a thing to do. I know it's not productive.#I try not to let it get me anxious; afterall what do I do about it?#It's not like I've got the ball rolling on anything significant to speak of. I'm just at ordinary work#idk also the industry I work in doesn't exist anymore hahahaaaa so yeah. No career. Only far away admirations! :)#We will have no infrastructure and we will be happy.#Don't read all this; just laugh at the meme about age and move on#growing up
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im so tired of being a sleepy boy
#i napped for 2 hours bc i was so sleepy and still am. why.#i hydrated enough im not having an episode im not sick and no meds are causing it (i think) and the sun is not out so why!!!!#what am i supposed to do aaaaa!!!!!!! sleep for an entire day until i had sm sleep im sick of it?? 😭#i dozed off in the middle of sketching like cmon!!!#looking it up will tell me i have some rare kind of deadly disease and i dont wanna go to my doc and tell him im a sleepy googoogaga#this man is funnily enough my childhood doctor i went to before my adoption so he knows well enough how sleepy i am#considering my grandparents always tell i was fhe quietest baby ever and never screamed or cried they thought i just passed away or#was sick bc i just slept all day#so yss hes well aware of youn and his chronic sleepy sleepiness since baby times#actually thats over 20 years ago and my doc still looks the same#meaning super hot#which is confusing#this man did check ups on me when i was like 6 and 20 years later he kneads my popped out vertebrae back into place like im an old man#and he just looks exactly the same#this messes wifh my brain i think i need to nap on this#personal#tbd#idk why i rambled so hard while in the process of waking up my condolences if anyone read this far#im not even sleepy anymore bc i thought so hard about my doctor and his secret immortality my brain is actually working#🤔 ah
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i sort of want to blow up. i can’t be around people anymore i need to be home
#auditions were a little rough#i really need people to let go of fear i think is the biggest thing#i don’t know that anyone so far has actually been transgressive or made an especially brave choice#do SOMETHING#fuck what i would give for 🎞️ to just be able to come here and play dionysus#but he’s directing something three hours away for the college he attends 🙄#that said they were not actively bad i’m just burnt and need to be away and have time to process#bc i’m actually sort of intensely grieving but i’m not allowed to do that bc i need to be on#and i’m already bad at processing my emotions so.#ted talks
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