#you can clearly see in my face that I am in the process of sobbing but you know what it was v healing and this picture really eats

[prettyboybuck]

Hey, I’m 28 now

[alwaysanundertone]

Love can be overwhelming | poly! marauders x reader

angst

word count: 1.4 k

CW: mention of abusive household

tag list: @reggieswriter @call-me-mishi @moonyxoxo

part 1, part 2, part 3

Losing a Quidditch game usually resulted in James and Sirius taking their anger out on you, which you didn’t mind at all, but today was different. This time, Remus wasn’t going to leave you with the boys, Sirius was clearly upset with you, and James was probably going to be pissed for the loss.

You took a deep breath, taking Remus’s hand in yours and going straight to your dorm, waiting for your other boyfriends. You were pacing the room in front of Remus, the anxiety eating you alive; what you hated the most was the fact that you knew for sure that Sirius was mad at you.

“I’m an awful person, Rem, I couldn’t give Siri the attentions he needed when he was in pain“

“That’s right, you didn’t!” Sirius entered your room, James behind him. “I thought that being in a polyamorous relationship meant that I could count on three people when I was sad, instead you left me with poor James, do you want to stop this relationship now? So that you and Remus can go live happily ever after?! What the fuck, Y/N”

You felt your breath quicken, you knew that if he kept this up, you were going to break. “Sirius, you have to understand that- “

“No! None of that, I don’t want to hear it! You know what, Y/N? You’re just as heartless as everybody says, I was just too blind to see how the rumours were true.” You felt a pang to your chest, you knew that Sirius didn’t mean what he was saying, but it hurt you still. You spent your whole life battling against the fact that you usually didn’t know how to show love to the people you cared about, but you thought you’ve been good to them, you thought that all your efforts were seen. “You don’t give a fuck about other people’s wellbeing; you didn’t even ask me what happened! If we lost today, it was all your fault, you’re a self-centred-“

“Knock it off, Black. You don’t get to treat her like that! Just because your family is treating you like shit doesn’t mean you have to make everybody else feel what you’re feeling.”

“Remus, you’re the one to talk” You whipped your head in James’s direction. “You are the reason behind this mess, if you could control your stupid instincts everything would have been fine, and we’d be here celebrating our victory”

He scoffed. “Yeah, because it’s my fault if you both suck at Quidditch, isn’t it?” They kept on bickering, but you weren’t listening to them anymore, your mind too focused on Sirius words. You hated yourself for not being enough for them, maybe Dorcas was right, maybe you should have thought about it before diving headfirst in a poly relationship; you weren’t even sure if you were made for a relationship, period.  

“What, Y/N, too focused on yourself to care about our feelings?”

You decided you had enough, you needed time to think, and Sirius anger wasn’t helping you at all. “You know what? Yes, I am, because the ones who were supposed to love me just treated me like everybody else. So go fuck yourself, next time you’ll need me, I’ll be gone” You stormed off their dorm, running to your room and casting a spell, leaving them behind.

As you were about to start sobbing, Dorcas entered the room, sighing as she saw you on your bed. “You were right, Cas, maybe I’m not made for a relationship”

She shook her head, hugging you tightly. “Shh, don’t think about it now, okay? Tomorrow you’ll have time to process all of this, now you just have to rest.” She started scratching your back, singing a lullaby, and you found yourself falling in a deep slumber.

“Hey, Y/N” You mumbled something, covering your face with the duvet. “Y/N. It’s 2 P.M., you have to start studying”

That made you sit up so quickly, you felt dizzy. “Shit, the test” How could  you be so dumb?  Sacrificing all of the work you put to ace this test for a stupid fight was really pathetic, even for you.

“Yeah, the test, listen I finished your notes and made you some flashcards, now you just have to start studying, but first you should eat-“

The idea of seeing the marauders made you physically ill. “I don’t want to go-“

“Yes, I know, I brough you some food” She shook a paper bag in front of you. The fact that she spent her morning doing your work and even brought you food made you feel really close to crying, and she noticed it. “Nope, no more crying. I know you, you’re about to thank me, don’t do that! I’m your best friend, I love you and this is nothing, okay? I just want you to be happy, and I know you will feel like shit if you don’t pass this test. So, start studying, okay?” She kissed the top of your head. “I got to go, Marlene’s waiting for me. Love you, bye!”

She left you on the bed, staring at the now closed door.

You looked at the sandwich: she knew you too well, if she didn’t bring you food you wouldn’t have eaten, but since she brought it to you, you felt guilty.

You pulled out your flashcards and started eating, you could be heartbroken, but you wouldn’t allow yourself to fail for your stupid feelings.

Meanwhile, Sirius just woke up. His head was feeling heavy, but most of all, he was regretting every single thing he said to you. Deep down, he knew that you were just trying to be there for everyone, and that it wasn’t an easy task. Remus didn’t control his instincts; he couldn’t blame him for being clingy.

“Someone’s decided to grace us with his presence” The werewolf was looking down at him, his brows furrowed: he knew that look, he was mad.

“I’m so, so sorry” And just like that came the tears. Remus was stubborn, but if there was something that made him cave, that was his lovers’ tears, so he hugged him close to his chest. “I was awful to you yesterday, Y/N is going to leave us, I know it, and I hate to be the one to do this to you. If you want to leave me I will understand”

James scoffed. “Leave you? You really think we are this heartless? We know you didn’t want to act like that, Sirius. We just want to know what is happening, and then we’ll go and apologize to Y/N”

Remus scratched his head. “Thing is, I don’t know how we will get to her. I went to her room earlier and Cas was about to physically fight me”

“She won’t fight us, Rem, for God’s sake we’re Y/N’s boyfriends, she can’t stand between us. Back to you, Sirius, can you tell us why you acted that way?”

The long-haired man sighed. “It’s just- You know how awful the relationship with my family is, and I know it’s wrong but when I get their letters I don’t want to talk about it, I just expect everyone to know how I’m feeling and what to do about it. So, when she wasn’t there for me this time, I lashed out. Rationally, I know that Remus wasn’t being clingy because he didn’t want to share her, but because he gets super protective during the full moon. I hate myself for treating her that way, for using her weakness against  her, but I didn’t know how to communicate how I was feeling, so I just took my anger out on her, in the wrong way” He chuckled sadly. “If I was her, I’d break up with me.”

James shook his head. “She’s too good for her own good, Sirius, you know she won’t ever leave you. But we’ll have to talk it out, you know? You’ll have to be vulnerable, and I know  it’s difficult, but you’ll have to try for us”

Sirius nodded, everything for you. James pulled out the map, but as soon as he saw your name, gasped.

“What? What have you seen?”

“Y/N is in the infirmary” They exchanged a look, running out of their dorm room.

[sucodelaranja86]

Can we have some hyunju x male!reader comforting her please maybe a little cuddling and a kiss.....

- I'm here : ★

featuring: hyun-ju cho x reader

summary: As you finally come home after a long day of work, you find a not-so-great view of the state your girlfriend is in.

warnings: body dysmorphia

A/N: my writing motivation is back yipee :33 i am also experimenting new styles :))

★ . ★ . ★ . ★

‣ as you wearily reached the door to your small apartment, every step felt like a weight coming out of your tired shoulders. Your day at work had been long and exhausting, and now you want nothing more than to lay down on your cheap sofa and lay your head in the broad neck of your lovely girlfriend.

‣ your hands fumbled in your pockets to find your key, the cold metallic sensation on your fingers bringing an instant relief to your face. As you quickly inserted the key into the lock, the apartment's old door opened with a creaky sound, the sight of the small keychain Hyun-ju had gifted you warming your exhausted heart. As you stepped inside your home, the cozy atmosphere engulfed you rapidly as you let out a satisfied sigh. ― Hyun-ju, I'm home. ― you softly called.

‣ as you took off your shoes and hanged your jacket, you softly seated on the couch with a satisfied sight. After not hearing a verbal response, nor smelling the familiar scent of her food, you decided to check each room of your small habitation.

‣ ― hyun-ju? I'm home, dear. ― you repeated yourself. This time, more firmly. As you were about to continue your search, you stopped on your tracks as you heard soft sobs coming from the bathroom, the lights on and the door slightly open.

‣ as you approached the room and finally opened the door, you were met with the sight of no one other than your beloved girlfriend, who was currently crying her eyes out while sitting on the cold floor. She was hugging her knees while hiding her face, through you could clearly see her red, tear stained cheeks.

‣ you quickly crouched down to her level, startling the short-haired girl on the process. You put both arms around her body while trying to understand the situation.

‣ ― hyun-ju? What happened, my love-?! ― you asked while putting one of your hands on her chin, carefully tilting her head towards you, now finally having a clear view of the situation.

‣ you could see her surprised face now, her beautiful eyes irritared and her cheeks wet from tears. ― love? I- i didn't see you entering- i... ― as her stuttering voice reached your ears, you tried to deduce what happened judging by the atmosphere of the bathroom in general. The mirror had makeup stains, while her makeup kit was thrashed around the floor everywhere, alongside with small bottles of nail polish, hair products and... Was that a skirt on the trash bin?

‣ as if something clicked inside your head, the situation turned obvious as you mentally facepalmed. Nonetheless, you decided to not ask further questions as you helped her get up, she complied as you easily pulled her up, noticing her shaky legs as she continued her soft sobbing.

‣ you sat her down on the couch, the vision of her trembling body making your heart ache. Even so, you still found the strength to untangle yourself off of her and grab the warmest blanket you two have. As you came back almost running to the couch, she was already laying down, an ashamed expression on her face.

‣ you quickly wrapped her tall figure around in the blanket, she didn't seen to have any complaints. You softly kissed her forehead, laying down on top of her while you continued planting kisses all over her face.

‣ you didn't stop until you felt her body soften and her facial features relax. Watching her body go from stiff and shaky to a completely relaxed manner. You didn't stop until you were completely sure she was not feeling bad anymore, and that each of her tears had been properly wiped.

‣ as you felt her slow and calm breathing indicating the start of her peaceful slumber, you could finally rest your eyelids in peace, knowing that things were going well, at least for now.

★ . ★ . ★ . ★

[sp4ceboo]

NO NEED FOR ME TO HIDE🙏🏾🙏🏾

Bestie, are you going to continue Atonement universe?🥺 I am very curious on how their interactions could look like in the future, now that they have an accurate understanding of their intents

A/N: U ASKED JUST THE RIGHT QUESTION MY FAVOURITE BUNNY, but bc im evil i've made this into a bunch of feyd headcanons even tho no one asked

tw: 18+, smut headcanons (switch feyd ladies and gents), cannibalism (by the harpies), i dropkick everyone with feyd's trauma, therefore mentions of sa and pedophilia (fuck you vladimir), 'who did this to you' because man if that's not one of the yummiest things ever, nightmares, children and pregnancy, also sterility, swearing somewhere probably,

wc: 2.3k

part 1 (this can be read as a stand alone, it's just feyd headcanons)

feyd does everything he can to make up for how he treated you in the first months of your marriage

you assure him that it's fine, that he doesn't have to beat himself up over what he has done, but you still notice the pain in his eyes when he looks at you

he hovers close to you at all times, keeping a hand at the small of your back or pulling you close into his side

it's a strange process, only getting to know your husband in the fourth month of your marriage, but it's a process that you treasure

you'll ask him silly things from his favourite food to his opinions on the carvings on the table over there whenever the questions occur to you

it's late at night, while he's gently cleaning you up after sex or holding you tightly in his arms, your head tucked under his chin, when he tells you the deeper, more painful things

the grief in his voice is so raw as he describes to you how his uncle pitted him and rabban against each other from a young age, how his childhood was stolen from him - you ache for him, for the things that were taken from him before he could even fight for them

you find out about his nightmares soon after that - not because he tells you, but because one happens

you suspect there was something he wasn't quite ready to tell you, but you didn't press; no hands have handled feyd's heart the way he lets you, and you're determined to honour that privilege

a storm howls outside, and you think that the rumbles of thunder were what woke you

you turn over and realise it's feyd, his features contorted with fear even in his sleep, eyes rolling under the lids as he trembles, broken pleas leaving his lips

all you catch is a 'don't' and a 'please, uncle'

something cold slithers down your spine

touching his face, you grab his shoulder, shaking him, whispering his name, trying to wake him gently

a tear leaks down his cheek, and a meek sound leaves him, ripping your heart in two - you need to wake him up, free him from this dream

'feyd.'

his eyes snap open, and in them, you clearly see the expression of a trapped, cornered animal

you say his name again, and he looks at you sharply, unseeing

he's awake and yet somehow he's still trapped in the nightmare; he wraps his hands around your throat, and you gasp, nails digging into his forearms in an effort to wake him up

with precious air, you rasp out his name again, and he blinks, slowly gaining consciousness

his face crumples when he finds his hands around your neck

distress limns his features as he backs away from you, shaking his head, horrified by his own doing

your head spins with lack of air but you reach out to him, refusing to let him slip away - you snare him in your arms, hold him tightly, kiss his face

he doesn't move, afraid to hurt you

you pull back to stare him in the eyes

'i'm okay. i am okay. you hear me, feyd? i'm fine. i'm not hurt.'

he buries his face in your shoulder and when you feel hot tears on your skin, rage simmers and seethes, wrathful in your chest

'who did this to you?'

your voice is dripping with fury; he shakes with a sob, and you run your hands up and down his back, trying to soothe him and the anger inside you

eventually, he calms, and you tilt his face up, gently wiping the tears off his cheeks, waiting

he holds out his arms again, and you oblige him, letting him hide his face in your shoulder as he tells you the substances of his nightmares - memories of the baron, eyes rabid, hands reaching, and it makes you tremble with rage

you crush feyd in your grip, and he clings onto you, his eyes wet, letting you anchor his drowning spirit

the two of you fall asleep twined together, feyd cradled in your embrace

in the morning, you cup his face in your hands and tell him that you will protect him, fight for him, love him until your blood stills in your veins

one of the first thing feyd does is dismiss his harpies from their duties

originally, he was going to get rid of them permanently, but you convinced him not to, telling him you wanted to meet them

to be honest, feyd didn't really understand (he thought you wanted to 'use' them for a bit and was kind of taken aback until you reassured him you just wanted to talk to them)

he stayed in the room anyways, knowing that his harpies could be jealous, but he had nothing to fear

all you do is chat to them, and in the same way you charmed him, you charm them

feyd marvels at the way you reach out to them and connect with them with so much ease, laughing and joking with them, complimenting their pretty eyes and tattoos as if they are your long time friends

from then on, they are no longer feyd's harpies, but yours

they accompany you around the palace and sometimes to court

the latter causes quite a stir; none of the nobles can make sense of why the na-baron's feral cannibal troupe are now dressed in fine clothing and following the na-baronness around

you enjoy their company - they brighten your day considerably, and are not afraid to make remarks a little too loudly in front of nobles

you have to hide your laughter when one of them comments on the scruffy facial hair of the duke addressing feyd, even more so when he stares at them wide eyed, a little fearful of them

in a way, they protect you and you protect them

if a noble approaches you with disrespect, they'll joke loudly among themselves about the taste of his flesh

in the same way, if someone makes a snide remark of their presence, you're quick to challenge it

the perplexed look on feyd's face amuses you to no end when he realises they prefer you now

feyd and the harpies teach you about harkonnen culture

feyd especially tells you stories about how he hunted on forests long cut down when he was a boy, and you love to listen to him, watching his face and drinking in the softer, nostalgic tone in his voice

he shows himself to you in little ways

feyd complains to you about the nobles in the court, how he hates their decorum and their entitlement

he talks to you for hours about different fighting forms, occasionally getting up to demonstrate them to you, and you marvel at the accuracy and fluidity of his movements

he takes you to his favourite parts of giedi prime, shows you the volcanoes and the less polluted parts of the capital city

he tells you the story of every scar on his body, and you find yourself captivated by the look in his eyes as he recalls a good fight

he whispers on your skin promises - promises of love, sweet on his tongue but never cloying, always true

in turn he asks you about your old life, about your home planet and your family

you answer happily, loving the way his eyes follow you, their blue tone becoming your favourite colour

you tell him about the time you visited to see him fight, how you saw the fire within him even then, and he chuckles, enthralled by the idea that even when the two of you were too young to really comprehend what your arranged marriage meant, you were still drawn to each other

he tells you how when he raised his knife, victorious, he spotted you in the crowd - a small girl, her back ram rod straight - and thought you were the sweetest thing he'd ever laid his eyes on

not that you seemed breakable to him; no, he thought you were formidable, too, not even bothering to hide your frown in an arena of cheering, happy faces

it felt right that he would marry a woman who wasn't afraid of him

feyd teaches you how to fight

he delights in the way you grow so bold with him, delivering snarky remarks if he teases you, rising to meet everything he throws at you

you're a good fighter - unpredictable in your moves - and he's immeasurably proud that he was the one who taught you

sometimes, once you're good enough to duel, you'll end up staggering to the nearest somewhat secluded area to fuck

now that you know you're not alone, you're so confident of yourself, confident in the electrifying look in your eyes and confident in the way you make him beg

feyd never thought he'd like to give up control, but with you it's addicting

he trusts you

he lets you ravage him, lets you use him until he's spent, panting, thighs shaking, knowing that you would let him do the same - knowing that you do let him do the same

there's something so raw about letting himself go in your touch

his head spins when you tie him up, your deft fingers checking the knots and tightening the bindings across his torso, making art with his skin as the canvas

feyd is addicted to you in every aspect

he can't get enough of your pussy; he'd spend hours between your legs, pulling sounds out of you that you didn't know you could make

he thinks that the closest he's ever come to heaven is when he's buried balls deep in your cunt while you beg him harder, faster

A/N: i couldn't choose between these two scenarios so have both

EITHER after almost a year, you begin to wonder why you haven't pregnant

especially with the way feyd fucks you

so you seek the help of a doctor - the test results come back a week after, accusatory, damning

you're sterile

your first reaction is to tell feyd, but once you find yourself face to face with him, his gaze concerned as he holds your waist, you can't tell him

you just fall into his arms, staying your tears, doubts crawling into your skull and gnawing at the edges of your mind

you can't give him an heir

there's no way around it

what if he takes a concubine? what if he realises you serve no purpose to him? what if he stops loving you?

feyd doesn't pry about the tests results until the next day when he finds you in the shower, hands trembling and head bowed

he tips your chin up so he can look you in the eye

'tell me what troubles you, my love.'

so you do, with his fingers curled around your waist, the shower water running over your skin

he kisses you once you finish, and it tears at his heart the way you're looking up at him, trying to hide the worry in your eyes as you wait for his reply

feyd doesn't mince his words when he tells you that he doesn't care if you cannot give him an heir, that all he asks of you is to let him love you - it's then that the tears fall, and he kisses them away, holding you close to him

you grieve for the children you can never have, but feyd remains by you, almost supernatural with the way he senses your pain

your gaze might fall upon one of the servant's children, causing an ache in your heart, and within a few seconds his fingers will twine with yours and he'll tuck you into his side, kissing your hair

OR you have twins: one girl, one boy

the girl is three minutes older than the boy

feyd is obssessed with your pregnant body; he always has his hands on you in some way

he gets more protective, if that's possible

sometimes he lies between your thighs, his palms spread over your stomach as he talks to the two of them, and the softness and wonder in his eyes brings a warmth to your chest

feyd is with you when you feel the first contraction and promptly carries you to the midwives

he lets you crush his hand in your grip as you give birth to the lives you've made together, wiping the sweat off your forehead and quietly encouraging you

the first time you hand them to him to hold, he's hesitant, hands fluttering over you as he figures out what to do, but he's a fast learner

there's a fierce protective glint in his eyes when he cradles them in his arms, one that you glimpse when he looks at you too, and within it there's a deep, pure joy

he teaches them how to fight, and yet he's still so gentle with them, laughing as they giggle and cling to him, one latched onto each leg

the girl is how you'd imagine feyd was as a boy: half feral, yet charming when she wants to be, while the boy is a little calmer, more unflappable, and happy to entertain his sister's mischievous endeavours

both love the harpies, and there have been multiple times when you walk in on the twins gaping wide eyed at the harpies as they regale them with old tales

sometimes, feyd will scoop them up, one in each arm, so they can reach up and give you a little kiss on the cheek before he pecks your lips

you think it's beautiful, the family that you've made with him

feyd loves the way you look at him, with that mischief in your eyes, as if you're sharing a secret with him

he loves your sweet laughter, the softness in your hands when you touch him and how you don't shy away from protecting him, defiant even in his uncle's presence

he knows he would kill for you, die for you - he'd do anything for you

you would do the same: it makes feyd's head fuzzy, when you get so fiercely protective over him, placing your hand on his shoulder as you glare at the baron, lacing your words with venom when you address him

you'd stop at nothing, just to protect his honour

when you're after something, nothing stands in your way, and yet you can handle him with such soft, gentle hands, banishing his nightmares with the light tracing of your fingertips on his back

feyd heals in your presence, and you grow in his

your love is eternal

[frickingnerd]

friends with benefits with leo valdez

pairing: leo valdez x gn!reader

tags: suggestive / implied smut, best friends to lovers, awkward leo & reader, angst to fluff, happy ending, wholesome fluff

you were more than a friend for leo ever since the two of you first hooked up

but he felt like he had to keep his feelings for you to himself and play the part of the guy who you'll eventually mess around with and nothing more

after all, you had asked him after your first time together how he felt about you

"this doesn't mean anything, right? we're still just friends… with some added benefits now!"

leo could've sworn that he heard uncertainty in your voice, as if you were scared of his answer

he wasn't sure what you wanted to hear, if he should confess that he was head over heels for you or if he should pretend like he didn't care about you

he chose the latter, which caused those occasional hookups between you two to happen for more often since then

every time they happened, leo tried to keep you around afterwards; suggesting he cooks you something, that you two take a shower together or that you just talk a little

but no matter what he suggested, you always ran off afterwards

the only times leo got to be with you was when you were in his bed, but despite how close you were to him in that moment, you felt further away than ever before…

your relationship started to become less of a friendship and instead focused more on the benefits

and while leo certainly enjoyed those benefits, he just couldn't help but long for more

he'd do anything to go back to the way things were before, to have you back as a friend, not just someone to hook up with

eventually, he couldn't take it anymore

as you were collecting your clothes again after a session with leo, he gently grabbed your wrist and stopped you for a moment

"can you stay a little longer today? you always run off afterwards and i'd just like to be with you for a few more minutes…"

leo had this pained expression on his face and seeing him like this was breaking your heart

"i can't… i just… really need to…" but you couldn't come up with a good excuse

"you've been like this for weeks now. please, i want my best friend back…" leo's grip on your hand tightened and he slowly pulled you towards him

"we're not friends anymore…" you mumbled softly, not even thinking clearly as you said those words

"what's that supposed to mean?" leo was clearly hurt by your words, his brows narrowing as he looked at you. "am i just the guy you fuck now? why? why can't i be your friend anymore!?"

"because i love you, you idiot��!!" you snapped at leo and pulled your hand away. "but you don't see me like that…"

"you… love me?" leo still had to process what you just said.

"…i do. i said it, are you happy now? can i go now?" you couldn't stand being in the same room as him anymore. you knew you'd surely cry if you had to say another word or look at him again

"no…" leo still seemed to be in a trance-like state, slowly shaking his head. "no, you can't go. you expect me to just let you leave now?"

you were close to crying now, lowering your head and just trying to keep it together, as you pleaded with a shaky voice

"p-please… just let me–"

but before you could finish your sentence, leo had wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight hug

"i've been in love with you for months! i thought if i told you, i'd ruin everything we had. but to think that you felt the same way all this time…"

leo quietly sobbed against your body, before beginning to laugh through his tears

he felt relieved. all this time, he thought his feelings were unrequited. but he was wrong. thank gods, he was wrong!

"you love me too…?" you couldn't hold back your tears either, smiling as you wrapped your arms around leo as well, as he nodded quietly

"i've always loved you…"

[peggy24601]

here are my notes from last night's Les Mis performance on West End (mostly Grantaire related whoopsie)

i have way too much shit to say I still haven't processed my emotions so bear with me

Gavroche saying “Aye aye governor” to Javert right before Stars! This kid is d(￣◇￣)b💯ᵖᵉʳᶠᵉᶜᵗ

Grantaire staying carefully away from Enjolras during Red and Black… before slapping the ever living hell out of Enjolras’ butt??? Sir??? Where did that confidence come from??? 

Gavroche being Grantaire's son, and Enjolras trying to also be a figurehead for him (does he want to be included? Is he doubtful of R's capacity as a parent? You decide!) 

Everyone roasting Marius (even someone shouting “Shut up Marius”)! Beautiful! Applauded!!! 

Cosette rushing to help Éponine off the floor after Thénardier slaps her.. Then holding her hands as they stare in each other's eyes **lesbians intensifies**

Grantaire being drunk af during One Day More, but taking a step to be seen by Enjolras, then Enjolras giving him a smile and a pat on the shoulder before going in front of him!!! I can't!!! 🥺

Grantaire trying to help but also keeping himself clearly separated from the rest of the boys during Here Upon These Stones

Gavroche being a little shit™

GAVROCHE EXPOSING JAVERT, GRANTAIRE GIVING HIM HIS BOTTLE SO HE CAN PUT THE KID ON A TABLE AND GAVROCHE DOWNING IT'S CONTENT AND R JUST RUFFLING HIS HAT

Gavroche and Grantaire being the first ones to find Éponine and Marius in A Little Fall of Rain, and Grantaire holding him the whole time

Enjolras going to comfort Marius when Éponine dies and Grantaire keeping him from doing it so Gavroche can go instead

Gavroche giving Marius Éponine's hat 😭😭

Enjolras trying to go and comfort Grantaire during his existential crisis in Drink with Me, but him running away from Enjolras before Gavroche practically tackles him in a back hug on the wall!!! 

Everyone looking at Grantaire when Gavroche rushes over the barricade

Enjolras running to catch Gavroche when he's shot then giving him to Grantaire and looking absolutely destroyed

Grantaire yelling “You bastards” during the barricade call

Even after the final battle begins, Grantaire still stays back, he's not ready to start fighting yet. But then he sees Enjolras and he be running to be shot too

Grantaire’s actor's sleeve got caught on a piece of the set so his arms were in the most awkward position for the Bring Him Home reprise

Enjolras being brought out in a cart, Javert blessing Gavroche’s dead body before signaling to a police man to put him on a cart with Enjolras

Empty Chairs at Empty Tables! Enjolras and Grantaire being next to each other, then face to face, THEY'RE NARRATIVE FOILS

Valjean saying “must-a” in an almost Italian accent in Who Am I reprise…  twice

May I present M. Thénardier “I wish I would've married your sister” and his wife “I wish you were dead”

Enjolras and Grantaire holding Gavroche between them at the end of the show, Enjolras was accepted as a figurehead and Grantaire gets his man they're in paradise I'm not sobbing you are

[chimielie]

ghost in the machine

summary: Matsukawa x F!Reader. sometimes two people love each other very much. sometimes they do terrible things to each other.

word count: 1k

cw: cheating, extremely toxic relationship, no one here is likable, breakup, no happy ending

a/n: my bad i was going through something. sorry to the seijoh community. enjoy?

Issei meets you at the train station. It's dry now, but it was raining earlier—his hair is sticking to his face, curling even more than usual in the humidity. He doesn't "believe" in using umbrellas, whatever that means, or in standing beneath the rain shelter, apparently.

"Hey," you say, affecting nonchalance. The look on his face is familiar to you, signalling further storms ahead. You put your hands in his and press your mouth into a little frown. "What's wrong?

"Don't act cute," he says, glancing away, but he doesn't take his hands out of your hold. "This is—hard enough."

Issei does this thing, when he's mad at you, taking longer and longer pauses as he speaks. Leaves you hanging and still chooses all the wrong words.

"Issei, what happened?" You say. You look around, but there's no one else at the station: it's a dismal day, and his workplace is out of the way of pretty much all other human life. Fitting.

He rubs a thumb over yours, slow, pensive.

"I'm just gonna rip the band-aid off," he says, and you almost snort. There's been nothing quick about this process. "I think we should stop seeing each other."

"Another break?" You ask, trying to keep your voice light. "So you can fuck your new building receptionist?"

That's not light. Oops.

"How do you—whatever. No. That's not it. Don't be like that."

"It's what it was last time," you say, frustrated. "And Makki mentioned that he thought she was hot, which means you think she is."

"I don't, and that's not even the point," he sighs. "See, this is what I mean."

"You do," you insist. "But what is your point?"

"My point," he grits, thumb rubbing harder, strong fingers digging into your flesh so hard it almost hurts. "Is that we need to end this. Not a break. We need to break up."

"No," you say, blinking away tears. "I thought we were working on things. I thought we were better."

He pauses again. You let yourself fill up with big, stupid hope, leaning a little closer to him. All you want is one of his hugs, warm and solid and loving. Love me, you want to sob, you don't love me?

You don't, because you would be proving his point. You don't want to guilt him. You don't want to hurt him. You feel nauseous. The whole world is wrong, everything is going wrong.

He doesn’t give you what you need.

"I feel sick," he echoes your thoughts. "All the time. What we're doing to each other—I care about you, I want you to be happy. We—I don't make you happy."

"You do," you plead. "No one else makes me happy like you."

"But that's, like, five percent of the time," he says, jerking you a little closer. You know it's subconscious and it makes you emit a little noise, soft, one you don't want him to hear. "The rest of the time we, we fight, and we get petty, and we act like kids. It's not what it should be."

"I don't care what it should be," you flash. "I don't want whatever it should be. I want this. I think it's worth it. I want to fight for it."

"Well, I don't!" His eyes are burning. You think there's something shimmering in his waterline. "I'm tired. It's—you jerk me around like bait, on a string. I am tired of taking breaks, and getting back at each other, and—"

"I jerk you around?" You say. "Issei, you suggested the first break, you slept with—"

"I know what I did," his voice sounds defeated even as you can hear the underlying anger—deeper, the underlying hurt. "That's what I'm saying, we're damaged, I really don't care whose fault it is."

"Except you clearly think it's mine," you argue. It’s fucked up, that this is what fighting for your love means; how twisted has your knight-and-princess story become?

“Shut up! Just stop—just stop talking for a second.” You press your fingers tentatively to the right corner of his temple and rub small circles into the skin, knowing that’s where he gets headaches from grinding his jaw when you’re driving him crazy. He lets you for a moment, then shakes his head, bats you away. “You shouldn’t let me talk to you like that.”

“I won’t,” you say. “You won’t talk to me like that anymore.”

“That’s so fucked up,” he chokes out a laugh. His dark eyes crease so prettily when he does. “Don’t do that. With the next guy—”

“There’s no next guy!” You yelp, fingers flexing, not sure what to hold on to. If he’s letting go of his jealousy—the world tilts dizzily. He used to tell you, face in a lazy cat smile, body warm and heavy atop yours, that you’d find your next boyfriends on his mortuary table. “What, Issei, there’s not gonna be anyone else ever.”

His lips twist into a sardonic smile. He lets go of you, his hands shaking like he’s just been shocked, cartoon-style, electricity working its way through his body. You reach for him and he shoves his hands in his pockets, lets you stumble over your feet.

“I know you slept with Makki,” Issei says grimly. You stop in your tracks.

“Oh.”

“Oh,” he agreed. “Yeah.”

There’s not a lot to say to that. It doesn’t matter that it was during the worst breakup, a year ago, that it was because you’d seen him kissing one of your friends at a party. It doesn’t matter that it had been a mistake.

“I’m sorry,” you say, and the tears are rolling down your face again. Or it’s started raining. Both. “I’m so sorry. I know.”

There’s an awful screech when the train arrives—his train, going deeper into the country. Yours, back to the city, is due in eight minutes. You can’t stop anything from leaving this station.

“It’s okay. It’s like you said,” he puts his hands on his shoulders, presses a lingering kiss to your forehead, his lips wet with cold rainwater. When did it start pouring? “He thought she was hot, so so did I. I love you, so so did he.”

[girlycocksleeve]

Sometimes I write porn :) If you have any suggestions for things to write, let me know.

Tags: public use, misgendering, rape, gang rape, transphobia, forced breeding, aroused victim, public humiliation, slut shaming

He had seen news about the new laws surrounding trans men, fakeboys or cuntboys as the news called them. Hell, he had even seen men getting fucked on the street, in cafes, anywhere public. But he hadn’t considered that the new free use laws would affect him, after all, he was fully stealth and had been for years.

So, when the hand grabbed his ass on the subway to work his mind didn’t immediately jump to the fact that, legally, he was just 3 holes and a pair of tits for everyone else to use.

“Hey, what the fuck?!” He spun around to see another man grinning at him.

“Oh, come on, it’s obvious what you are.” His blood ran cold as the man reached forward and tore his button down open, revealing his binder. They were drawing stares now from other people on the subway, and hands were taking off the remains of his shirt, unbuttoning his pants, as he stood there frozen still not processing. Men pushing up his binder to reveal his C cup tits, fingers pinching and twisting his nipples, finally snapping out of his trance.

“No, no, please don’t do this.” He started struggling and immediately was being held in place as fingers found his cunt, his wet cunt.

The man who had started it laughed, “You wouldn’t be dripping if you wanted us to stop. You’re nothing but a slut like all the other cuntboys.” He wanted to sob as a finger plunged into him, then two, as someone else rubbed his clit. He hadn’t had sex in years, was practically a virgin.

All of a sudden he was being bent over and a cock was sliding through his folds before catching and entering him, stretching him open. Whoever’s cock it was clearly wasn’t in the mood to be patient and was immediately fucking into him, hard and rough, and it burned.

He went to scream and another cock forced its way into his mouth, making him gag as it hit the back of his throat.

“God, her pussy is tight.” He wanted to sob at the words, at being called “her,” but instead his cunt just clenched. The man fucking him laughed, “Seems she likes the dirty talk, huh, slut?”

He shut his eyes and tried to pretend he was anywhere else, and the man fucking his face pulled out and slapped him. “You were asked a question, bitch.”

“No, no, I-“ another slap and he sobbed.

“Don’t lie to us, we can hear how wet you are.” It was true. His cunt squelched on every thrust, his own traitorous arousal slicking the way for the rough fucking.

“Tell us how much you like getting used like the whore you are.”

“I-“ He was still getting fucked, and each time the man bottomed out it forced the air out of his chest in a way that could be interpreted as moaning. “Please stop.”

The man pulled out, the head of his cock now pushing against his ass. “If you don’t like getting your cunt fucked, maybe we should try anal instead?”

“No, no, take it out please!” He yelped the words out, pain lacing them as his virgin asshole was breached, “Please fuck my pussy.”

“Good girl, but you can do better than that.” He had stopped pushing into his ass, but he hadn’t taken his dick out, instead leaving himself still an inch deep.

“Please, please fuck my girly cunt. Please use me like the breeding bitch I am. I need your cock in my pussy please.” He hated the way the words went straight to his clit, hated the unmistakeable moan that was forced out of him as the man went back to his pussy. The cock appeared back in front of his face and without needing to be asked his was opening his mouth and started sucking, running his tongue along the underside of it.

Men took his hands and started using them to jerk themselves off, and eventually he felt someone cum on his face, a sensation that made him shudder in either disgust or arousal, although he wouldn’t admit to himself which one it was.

The man in his pussy started speeding up his thrusts, and soon he felt his orgasm building. “Gonna cum in you, knock you up. Make sure you can never hide what you are again, understand?” The words were what pushed him over the edge and he trembled through it, cunt pulsing around the cock inside him as the man made good on his word and cum flooded into him.

“Fuck, good girl.” The man pulled out and was immediately replaced by another, pushing into his oversensitive pussy, causing him to whine.

“You’re gonna swallow, understand, slut?” The man in his mouth was breathing heavy as he said the words, and seconds after was cumming into his mouth. He swallowed it down dutifully, expecting it as the cock was soon replaced by another.

Quickly he fell into a rhythm, neither pussy nor mouth getting more than a couple seconds rest. He wasn’t sure how long it had been or how many loads he had taken, but eventually it was over, and he was left on the floor of the subway. Mouth and throat aching, barely able to close, and cunt on fire from overuse.

[50calmadeuce]

Ch. 11: Tantrum

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know.

The next day, you packed up yours and Christian's bags and boarded the private jet to Jake's hometown of Austin, Texas.

As the jet touched down at Austin-Bergstrom Airport, it taxied to the private terminal. Once the engines powered down, the stewardess opened the door.

Christian had fallen asleep on Jake, and the sight tugged at your heart, making your ovaries quiver at the thought of having another child.

“You got him?” you asked, your voice soft as you looked down at the sleeping boy.

Jake flashes you his signature grin. “Yes, darlin.” He stands up, and Christian shifts, adjusting himself comfortably against Jake’s shoulder.

As you step off the plane, your eyes fall on a red Ford F-150 parked nearby. A short lady with shoulder-length auburn hair is standing near the front of the truck.

You and Jake make your way down the stairs, and she starts walking toward you.

Jake raises his finger to his lips, signaling for quiet.

“Oh. The poor darlin’,” she whispers, glancing at Jake before turning her attention to you. “Y/N. It’s so nice to finally meet you.” She side-eyes Jake with a teasing smile. “And it’s about time he brought a woman home.”

Jake rolls his eyes, clearly used to his mother’s antics. “Y/N, meet my mom, Sheila.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Sheila,” you say, your smile warm as the baggage handler approaches, carrying Christian’s car seat.

Sheila grabs the car seat and begins walking toward the truck. “I’ve got it. Let’s get that precious thing to the house.”

“Darlin’, take him so I can grab our bags,” Jake says, gently handing Christian to you.

Christian stirs, moaning and whining. “Yake. Yake!”

“I’ll be right back, buddy,” Jake reassures him, heading back to the plane.

You hold Christian as he wiggles and starts to wake up. “Yake!” he yells, reaching out for Jake. “Yake!!” His cries grow louder, and he begins to sob.

You calmly reassure him, “Sweetie, Jake will be right back.”

Christian continues to kick and scream, his little face contorted in distress. Just as his cries reach a peak, Jake walks over. “Hey, now! That’s enough!” he says sternly.

Christian stops struggling instantly, his cheeks streaked with tears as he looks up at Jake, the sobs quieting.

“I’ll be right back. You behave for momma,” Jake says, his tone soft but firm, before heading to the truck with the bags. He returns to the plane to grab a few more bags and repeat the process.

As you gently wipe Christian’s cheeks, you notice him reaching out for Jake when he returns. But Jake crosses his arms over his chest, a playful smirk on his face.

“No, sir. You tell momma you’re sorry,” Jake says, his voice gentle but firm.

“Tarry, momma,” Christian mumbles, his gaze flicking toward Jake.

“No. Look at momma,” Jake prompts.

Christian turns his tear-streaked face toward you. “Tarry, momma.”

You kiss his still-damp cheek, offering a soft smile. “It’s okay, baby.”

Jake opens his arms, and Christian eagerly reaches for him, settling into his embrace.

“You ready?” Sheila calls out from the truck.

“Yes, Momma,” Jake replies, then takes your hand. “Come on.”

Together, you walk toward the truck, the warmth of the moment lingering between you.

In the truck, you settle into the front seat while Jake sits in the back with Christian, keeping him entertained.

“So, Jake tells me you’re a doctor of wildlife veterinary medicine?” Sheila asks, her tone light and curious as she glances at you.

You nod, offering a small smile. “Yes, I specialize in wildlife and exotic animal care.”

Sheila grins. “That’s incredible. Must be a challenging job, huh?”

You chuckle softly. “It definitely has its moments, but it’s also incredibly rewarding.”

Sheila’s expression softens as she reaches out and gently pats your arm. “He also told me about your past. I’m so sorry.”

You offer her a small, grateful smile. “Thank you,” you reply quietly, appreciating her kindness.

Sheila gives you a reassuring nod, her eyes filled with empathy. "I can’t even imagine what you've been through. But I see how strong you are. Christian’s lucky to have you."

Your smile deepens, a warmth spreading through you at her words. "He's a special little guy," you say, your voice soft. "And I’m just doing my best for him."

Jake chuckles from the backseat, his tone light yet tender. "She’s being modest. She’s an amazing mom. Christian adores her."

You feel a flush of warmth at his praise, though you keep your gaze on the road ahead. "I just try to be there for him, every step of the way."

Sheila smiles knowingly. "And I can see that. You’ve built something special. It’s clear you love him."

You nod, your thoughts drifting for a moment to Christian’s bright eyes and endless energy. "I do. More than anything."

Jake leans forward, his voice softer now as he joins the conversation. "And that’s why I admire you so much."

You glance at him in the rearview mirror, meeting his gaze, your heart fluttering at the sincerity in his eyes. “You really know how to make a girl blush, don’t you?”

Jake’s smile is genuine, the affection in his eyes undeniable. "Only when it’s true."

The conversation lulls for a moment as you all continue the drive, the comfort of being surrounded by such kind, understanding people making the journey feel like home.

Sheila's smile widens as she glances at Jake in the rearview mirror. "Well, the family's excited to meet you. Jake hasn't brought a girl home in a..." She pauses, then chuckles softly. "A very long time."

You glance back at Jake, who shrugs with a playful grin, clearly used to his mom’s teasing.

You smile softly, glancing at Jake in the rearview mirror. "I guess I’m the lucky one, then," you say teasingly, your voice light and playful.

Jake raises an eyebrow, his grin widening as he leans forward. "You don’t have to tell them that," he jokes, but there’s a softness to his voice that makes you feel even more at ease. "I haven’t exactly been the best at bringing people around."

Sheila chuckles from the front seat. "Well, that’s all changing now, isn’t it?" She shoots you an encouraging look. "I’m really glad you two are spending time together. Jake’s been through a lot, and it’s good to see him happy."

You nod, your heart swelling with warmth at her words. "I’m glad too. I never expected things to move this fast, but sometimes life surprises you."

"Yeah, it sure does," Jake murmurs, his voice quiet but full of meaning as he watches you. His gaze lingers for a moment before he leans back in his seat, as though content just to be with you in this moment.

The drive continues, the comfortable silence between you three filled with the soft hum of the truck’s engine and the occasional laugh or comment from Christian in the back. It feels like home already—like a place you could stay forever.

Tags: @smoothdogsgirl @alwayshave-faith @devil-angel-winchester @khouse712 @illisea @hookslove1592 @tgmreader @juliemarauderfan @djs8891

[howlingday]

The Bad End Delusion

Opzin walked at a quick pace into the hospital.

Ozpin: Excuse me Ma'am. I am the Headmaster of Beacon Ozpin and I would like to check in on two my students here. A Jaune Arc and Nora Valkyrie.

Nurse: That way and look for room 320.

Ozpin quickly moved that way as he heard the nurse mutter those poor kids. As he found the room he knocked on the door then slowly opened it.

Ozpin: Hello? Mr.Arc, Ms.Valkyrie it's Ozpin do you mind if I come in and talk?

Nora: .....................

Jaune: ...You can come in.

As he enters the room he sees a heavily bandaged Jaune and Nora in the bright white hospital room. He's smells the dry blood and cleaners in the air.

Nora is just staring at the wall. What he can see of her face it seems she being crying for a long time and simply had no more tears. Curled up in a ball with her knees to her face.

Jaune's expression is one of anger, grief, and hopelessness. He is sitting up looking Ozpin in the eyes.

Jaune: Hello sir. I'm sure you have questions.

Ozpin: I do but those can wait for a bett-

Jaune: No. You need to know.

Ozpin: Alright tell me how a mission to check up on an old factory building in Vale went so wrong.

Jaune: Their was a Grimm like I never seen. One nome of us had ever even heard of. Even Weiss... Weiss. *deep breathe sounding like he's holding back a sob* Sorry.

Ozpin: Take your time Mr.Arc

Jaune: So we enter the building with me and Ruby deciding it be better with we stuck together. As we walked into the first couple rooms everything was fine but as we entered the factory line their was a mist. A red mist. That damn red mist. It was light at first and we didn't even notice at first. Everyone was getting kinda of droopy. We all thought it was because it was a long day.

Jaune: Then I heard something that sounded like my nephew crying. I looked around and as soon as I was about to ask the others if they could hear ot the lights went out.

Jaune: We all circled together to not let anything attack us. But it was dark and the mist made it hard to hear and think right.

Jaune: The monster quickly attacked knocking most of our weapons away while scattering our group. I think only Pyrrha and Yang still had theirs.

Jaune: I managed to hold on to Nora's hand to stick together. The mist just thickened and we tried to cover our mouths when we heard Ren scream in pain. We rushed in his direction but..

Jaune:...

Ozpin: Mr.Arc we can do this another time.

Jaune: .... He had no head and his legs had been torn off. We could have only been a few minutes away. How did it kill him so fast. He was one of the best fighter I ever knew.

Ozpin: ...

Jaune: We found are friends one by one by following their screams and angry shouts. Weiss was impaled in the chest by Pyrrha's spear. Yang arms were missing and with all the blood around her clearly bled out. Blake had a giant hold in her chest liek she was punched with imhuman force. Pyrrha... all we saw was her upper torso, head, and an arm.

Jaune: As we tried to process suddenly the gas was so thick it was hard to breathe then I saw all the bodies standing near us screaming if I was a real hero I should have done something with the voices of my family insulting me playing over.

Jaune: I couldn't tell what was real anymore. Then suddenly it attacked restlessly. Clawing,swinging, amd throwing us around like dolls. It seemed to change size constantly to avoid are hits. Nora's Aura broke first and I managed to hit it with a broken pipe before being throw into a wall.

Jaune: Last thong I remember was it's slow walk towards me spitting out gas while everyone expect Nora watched and laughed. They laughed and laughed and laughed until it felt like they were yelling in my head. Before it could finish me the wall exploded with team Cfvy quickly attacking amd driving ot away while they seemed to be wearing gas mask.

Jaune: I never saw Ruby.

Nora: I heard it say "With this Gemstone may Salem forgive me" while carrying Ruby away. She was still breathing as it ran.

Nora:.... Are they gone? Really gone?

Ozpin did not answer leaving Nora and Jaune to start crying again.

Jaune: I don't think I'm able to be a huntsman anymore.

Ozpin: I will call your family and let you rest for now.

Ozpin closing the door still hearing their cries.

(OK so that was a lot and I'm probably misspelling a lot of stuff but yeah. Their is more of this story but I can't write because it's just not where my skills lay. If you want to help that be cool but I'm not gonna bug you about it. So in this after Jaune and Nora heal they leave beacon and move out to live with Jaune's family one day getting married and having kids of their own one day.)

So thoughts? Criticism? Ideas? Want to hear it all? Want to know what happens next? Tell everything you thought of and how you would improve the Au idea.

First of all, great work! Really loved what you've put out there and I'd love to see more of this! Though that's gonna be hard since RWBY and JNPR are now dead, either literally or figuratively.

Second, I'm curious where, if anywhere this story goes. To be honest, it kinda feels like those Warhammer RWBY posts I made a while back, specifically the one where JNPR were killed by a Lichtor. I don't think you can really go further with so many characters dead like this, but hey, I've seen more impossible scenarios get resolved.

Last, the way I would improve this AU idea would be to give a follow-up to after this. I mean, sure, Team RWBY is dead with their leader abducted and Team JNPR have been broken beyond repair. I would follow this scenario up with Ruby being taken back to Salem (either she dies, gets corrupted, or escapes) and show us the interaction between Delusion and Salem. Either that or have Beacon respond to this attack by sending the best huntsmen and huntresses out to rescue Ruby, hopefully before it's too late. Third option is showing the impact all these deaths had on people throughout Remnant; parents and friends all reacting to the news that RWBY and JNPR are dead.

Until then...

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

[monsterswithimagines]

Undisclosed Desires - Part 33

Joe Goldberg x female!Reader

Masterlist

Warning: suicide attempt

Your mother's service is not at a church, but at a funeral parlor.

I'm not religious, (Y/n). I understand why a church might not be the norm, here. You can have your funeral at a parlor in the states, too! But wow, a Dutch funeral parlor is a very impersonal building. And ugly.

If I was your mom, I would be pretty pissed.

If I was your mother, I would be angry at the turnout, too. There are a lot of people, don't get me wrong, but there is your family squarely on one side and her friends squarely on the other. They do not intermingle and the hostility is palpable.

I'd ask you to explain why that is, but you are not speaking to me. At all. You woke up and ignored me. You haven't said a word of English all day. I am lost in a sea of people, all speaking a language I do not understand.

So much for you loving me. Today, I am the man who killed your mother. The look in your eyes when you happen to glance at me says it all.

You hate that I'm here. Even your family is beginning to give me strange looks because I am so clearly unwanted by you.

Everyone sits in uncomfortable folding chairs. The casket is and remains closed. The director speaks a few words, then several people speak. Your grandma carefully unfolds a note, reads only two words and then bursts into tears, so that your grandfather has to come and take her away.

You go last, and you are not like your grandmother. Your eyes are bone dry, and you do not have a note.

You're in a black dress - I've never seen you in a dress, but despite the circumstances, you look beautiful in one - with your hair up in a ponytail. You are wearing a lot of makeup for once. Which is understandable because when you woke up this morning, you were so pale, it was like we were going to your funeral.

The makeup looks like a mask. On your expressionless face, it may as well be armor.

“When they ask me what my mom was like during my childhood,” you begin.

“I close my eyes and try to imagine something normal to respond.

“But all I can see

“Is a very small version of me.

“Reading books to myself

“And putting myself to sleep.”

There is some murmuring. This is not the kind of poetry you are supposed to recite at someone's burial.

You don't care. You continue to speak, in Dutch now, and slowly the regular sadness returns. At one point, something you say makes everyone laugh, and I chuckle along though I don't know what's funny.

When you are done, you sit down next to me and you don't look at me and I should take your hand, I should support you, but you don't want me to.

The director says some more words, and then the procession outside starts. Your mother is lowered into the ground gently. Your grandmother cries too much to be able to throw some dirt, so you do it twice. Once for her, and once for yourself.

You hold your grandmother's hand, not mine.

After it's over, we get in the car with your uncle, and he drives us back to the AirBnB.

You don't shed a tear until we're inside.

But once the door closes behind us, you crumple.

You go into the bedroom and you close the door behind you - Keep out, Joe - and I can hear you crying, sobbing, and I don't know what to do.

I did this to you. I gave you this pain. I truly believe that once the grief dulls, you will be better off, but that doesn't help you now.

If I had not been so obvious and if you had not known I was the one who took your mother from you, I could have hugged you and made things better.

As things are, I am helpless.

Things go quiet after a while. I let them be quiet for about an hour before I go knocking at the door.

“(Y/n)?”

No answer.

“Do you want some food, or something? I could heat you up some soup.” You haven't eaten all day, after all.

No answer, still.

The door is not locked. I open it slowly, softly, and peek in.

You are on the bed. Your back is to me but I think you are asleep. You are on top of the blankets and you're still wearing your black dress and your shoes, I should take them off and tuck you in.

Then, my eye falls onto something. I don't know why. It's been there for three days.

It's a bottle of pills Nadia gave you on New Year's. She said they would help you sleep, and you told her, firmly, that you weren't planning on taking her medication. That you knew what road that led down.

I barely paid attention to the exchange at the time. You are not a drug addict and I did not think anything of it.

But I have the worst feeling.

I walk over slowly, uncertainly. Your nightstand feels lightyears away but then I'm reaching out, picking up the bottle.

It's empty.

Everything goes out of focus.

I am feeling your neck for a pulse, listening for your breathing. I am carrying you. I am in the shower with you, sitting on the floor underneath the cold spray with you in my lap.

“Don't do this to me,” I hear myself say. “Don't you do this to me.”

My fingers should not be going down your throat and you should not be puking out all that is inside you, which is water and bile and pills. I pull you to my chest and I rock us and I think I have saved your life but you need a doctor, a hospital, and I don't know what number to call.

The first thing I'm aware of that doesn't happen in flashes, is being in the living room, dripping wet, and calling Nadia. I use your phone and Nadia answers with something in Dutch.

I don't know where you are. I don't know where I left you.

“Nadia? It's Joe,” I say. “How do I call nine one one? (Y/n) just tried to kill herself.”

[lilyfraci]

Merman Kokushibou x Fem! Reader (PART 2)

PART2 IS HERE👑

You can't feel anything and you felt like you were floating on clouds 9. Blood drooling down to your temple. What happened? Where are the sailors? Are they okay? Where are they? Is max okay?

I dont remember…

"Don't forget me… And I won't forget you either… "

Huh? A voice? It sounds so different but i know its clearly a guy type. Who is it? It sounds like a melody to my ears.

You tried to process everything even in this unconscious state, trying to connect all of your cells back together.

"I would forever stare into your enchanting eyes… So beautiful.. Just like you… "

This is so heavenly to listen such a soft song, but am i dreaming? If not… Then who is it?

You feel yourself finally getting consciousness as you groaned a little, alerting the person who was singing. You pry yur eyes open slowly but your vision are still blurry and your head starts to get a headache making you even groan louder and louder by any seconds.

Suddenly you hear someone screaming, its man's voice and you recognize it. It was the knights and to mention, you hear a loud splash.

"She's alive! The princess is alive! Alert the king!"

👑

"I got myself weak again. " "… " "I wanna be yours, and you'll be mine. "

👑

Everything was going smoothly, birds singing and a sun was pretty bright outside making the flowers bloom beautifully. An unconscious princess was laying down to her bed, comfortably and peacefully.

You woke up with a headache and a bandage on your head. The sunlight illuminate the room brightly making you squint your eyes and groan in tiredness. Yur body felt weak and a little bit of in pain.

"W-what happened..?" You groaned before rubbing the temple of your head.

You hear your door slowly opening as you turn your head to it and saw your dad peeking his head and was shocked to see you fully awake as he immediately rushes at you with a grateful and a guilt expression and held both of your hands.

"My daughter!! You're awake! Dear god… Thank you! Im glad that you made it out alive.. " He spoke with such happiness and tears running down to his cheeks before looking down.

"I'm so sorry, my daughter… I'm so sorry that this happened to you because of me! If this stupid of mine didn't existed then you would be fine and good! I felt so bad for what you've gone through… "

He looked down as he sobs quietly, trying to gulp down his breakdown.

Your face went soft as you smiled before putting a hand on your father's head and patting it.

"I'm fine dad…. And i already forgave you, please don't ever feel ashamed of it." You said gracefully.

And that, both you and your father hugged, enjoying this moment together.

👑

The ocean was always so beautiful and bright, as if it was a second version of heaven. But deep inside, there was dark and evil under it and it's true,

The ocean can be both good and bad.

. . .

"You know… That human will never ever loved you back! Just look at yourself!"

"Shut your mouth, ugly eyes. You're annoying me. "

"Awhh!! Why are you both always so cold and mean to-"

"That doesn't matter to you, if i loved her then do not interfere because you're not apart of this."

"Oh… Is that so? Besides… Don't you think humans are all the same? Imagine if she sees your eyes! Would she be terrified?"

"Ugh, im leaving. This is just a waste of time. "

HII!! IM BACK! SORRY IF THIS WAS SHORT BUT TRUST ME, I'LL WORK EVEN MORE FASTER AND HARDER FOR YOU GUYS!!

PART 3 is in progress 👑

[phoenixiancrystallist]

I couldn't help but agree so much on your tags on my gifset of Frey not immediately forgiving Cinta. It adds so much to her as a person. For years she created this image of her mother being a cruel woman, for bloody 21 years. It's not something you can toss away in a blink of an eye.

And like, we see her struggle with that so much after that revelation from tanta Prav. She can't or doesn't want to face that image, because the hurt she thought could only get worse (like opening up old wounds?).

But when faced with Cinta you see a tiny bit of that resentment, but also that yearning of trying to get to know her. A sense of relieve and yet doubt (when she is about to take Cinta's hand. Oooof. The feels).

It's such a deep things of feels and I am bloody feeling the feels. There is such a thick layer of depth right there and *sobs*.

The entire thing is handled so well, imo. She had all that time after Prav to wrap her head around who her mom is, and wrestle with all of those horrible feelings and put them into a perspective she never had context for before then. I distinctly remember sobbing "she did it to save you!" so many times while Frey was questioning why Cinta—who personifies love—abandoned her, tears streaming down my face because I'm a huge crybaby, lol.

But for Frey, it's gotta be so, so hard to come to that conclusion when all she's known her whole life is that she wasn't wanted. All those years of anger and grief, all the resentment building up anew now that she has a name and a face to aim it at instead of a nebulous hypothetical figure. It's no wonder she reacts the way she does! I'd blow up, too!

And later, when she learned how deeply, desperately she was wanted, and how much it tore Cinta apart to send her away after essentially no time with her, only to watch Athia's doom follow her through the Torana. You can clearly see Frey just sitting there and processing all this new information, rearranging the worldview she'd carried with her for as long as she can remember. And you can see the moments of panic, where she's completely overwhelmed by everything she's learning about herself, about Cinta, about her dad. She's bombarded with emotional revelation after emotional revelation in rapid succession with no time to reconcile them with everything she'd believed for her whole life.

There's so much emotional depth in this game and it's all handled in a way that I can wholeheartedly believe. It's messy, it's irrational, it's so profoundly human and it's so, so beautifully told. Frey has every reason to feel the way she does and she reacts in a way that an actual human person would. She's allowed to feel and express her emotions through the entire story and there's not a single moment I can recall where her humanity is pushed aside for the sake of the narrative. Frey and her story are handled so, so well and my only complaint is we probably won't get a sequel.

[galaxyofhair]

Link’s Grief

SPOILERS FOR TOTK

===============================

I love thinking about all of the little conversations we don't see between Link, Zelda, and everyone in BOTW/TOTK. Link's traumatic entrance into both of these games had to have fucked him up real good, and I wish we could have seen more of Link mourning and processing some of the death that he encounters throughout both games.

===============================

"It's weird to think that some of my first memories of you aren't actually my first memories of you. They're just the surviving memories."

Link sits on a white surface, the blue sky behind him. The wind whistles softly as he looks out beyond our view. He looks strangely frail, each breath takes a little effort.

"For a while I wasn't sure what to think of you--What little I did remember, with time and help, was that you could be kind-of... a royal bitch."

Link chuckles, and sniffs. A tear rolls down his cheek.

"You could be so angry with me, and I never understood why. You hated me, and I hated you..."

Link brings his left hand up to his face to hide his breaking expression. His right hand slowly strokes a soft carpet of white fur.

"I suppose there are worse ways to go," He says in a cracked voice, "You gave everything for the gift I carry into battle. I see you often, and I always smile--even while my heart is broken. In a way, you're always here..."

The camera zooms out a little more, a large blue slanted shape sits behind Link. The ground he sits on is clearly white fur being jostled gently in the wind.

"...but you are also always gone. I miss you so much... I failed you and now you're gon--"

Link breaks down into a sob, "I'm lost without you!"

As the camera zoom out, we can see that he's sitting on the head of the Light Dragon, Zelda. Zelda wafts slowly through the air, seemingly aware of Link on her head. Link rolls onto his side and presses his face into her. He cries for a while, and then slowly regains his composure. He lays there on his side, running his hand through Zelda's white fur.

"If you don't mind, I'll just... be here for a while. I'll understand if you don't want to talk... But I am not yet ready to go."

Link falls asleep and in his dreams he lives a thousand lifetimes as Zelda's hero.

He awakens to a loud groan. It is night now, and only the dragon's golden glow lights up the darkness. Link sits up--Zelda is shifting her head around. With each little swing, she moves more and more. Link seems confused at first, but quickly he realizes what's about to happen.

"Zelda, wait--hold on!"

Zelda suddenly whips her head violently, sending Link flying.

"ZELDAAAA!!!" Link shouts as he's thrown into the air. Link falls backwards towards the ground, tears ripped out of his eyes by the wind. Link closes his eyes...

At least she's safe now, He thinks. Link flips over, a look of determination and resolve on his face as he dives back down towards Hyrule.

[smallraindrops-blog]

Wake Me From This Dreaming

(Part 15, Part A)

Word count: 11k total

Hypnos x WMFTD!Y/N

Warnings: violent, trauma, death, getting rid of a body, Pyrrhus, for offscreen birthing, no beta

Notes: I got the internet back! So now I can feel safe posting the fic without worrying about something going wrong. For the ease of reading I am going to break this into two parts. And we are likely reaching the end of WMFTD, although I don’t know how many parts will be left. Then I will follow up with WMFTD’s sequel.

I hope you guys enjoy this! Thank you everyone for taking the journey with me and I hope it lives up to expectations! 

The masterlist

A breeze swept across the valley, bringing a sharp chill with it. Wildflowers swayed and danced in busts of brilliant colors amidst the tall grass and the sun shined on, causing the small lakes to reflect the everblue skies above it. 

It was a beautiful day and you stared out the valley in a daze, your cheek throbbing and darking into a bruise. There was some bleeding from where the sticks had broken your skin, soaking into your tunic. Some of the cuts will likely scar. 

Another pained scream broke the stillness. You winced at the sound of Khariklo’s pained wail, very aware of how useless you were in this moment. 

The baby was coming, and all you could do was wait.

At least you weren’t inside with her and Patroclus. You would have only been able to stare like a dumb fish out of the water. Chiron was there as well, not willing to leave his wife's side after what happened. You shifted against the rough bark of the tree, trying not to glance at the dead body of the centaur among the rose bushes. 

You were strong but even you needed help moving something so heavy. 

Khariklo wailed again, her cry breaking into sobs. You had seen animals give birth and knew when one of the servants was in the process of giving life but you never were close enough to hear it so clearly. 

Was it always this horrible to listen to?

“Let me see, my lad.” Achilles ordered as he joined you. There were more rags, a waterskin and a jar of medicine that reeked in his hands. You swallowed and sat up straighter, turning your head to the side. 

Achilles was careful as he studied your face, clasping your chin in gentle fingers.

“Just some tiny scratches.” You tried, but Achilles shot you a cool look. It wasn’t as effective as Pa’s but it was enough to shut you up.

“Take the top half off, we need to get this cleaned.” He ordered. His voice was gruff but not unkind.  

You obeyed with a grumble and winced at the sharp burn. Dozens of bloody cuts and bruises littered your arms and shoulders and back. The centaurs had whipped you with sticks as you covered Khariklo’s body with your own.

Achilles grimaced, “I’m sorry, son.”

“It’s fine.” You replied, not able to look at him or anything else. You kept your eyes on a nearby poppy. It swayed gently, its scarlet face turned to the sun. “I handled it. I remembered what you taught me.”

Your father was quiet for a moment then in a thick voice, “Good.” 

Then he cleaned quickly with a rag and with a groan, he applied the sticky salve. Even with a soft touch, it burned. You made a sound of disgust at the combination of how the medicine felt against your skin and the smell. 

“Your Pa always had the stronger stomach for these kinds of things.” Achilles joked as he checked over his work then nodded to himself. He moved back, settling next to you. 

“How Khariklo?” You asked with a hiss as the medicine started to work. You tried to ignore it, the only thing that mattered right now was Khariklo. 

It was supposed to be an easy morning, training already done and all of the chores were being taken care of ahead of time so Khariklo didn’t have to worry about anything else but the upcoming birth. 

You had gone up to the garden to see if she needed anything before you would leave for most of the afternoon to check on the traps. Only the drunken centaurs found her first. 

You made sure none of the damn animals took her, even hard as they tried to. Monsters, you thought with hate in your heart. She was pregnant and helpless and they had no right to even look at her, let alone try to drag her into the woods. 

Your parents and Chiron had found you and Khariklo after one of the centaurs were already dead and you had chased the others off. You had stared at them, unseeing their faces, your hands bloody and chest heaving. 

Khariklo shook in Chiron’s arms but she was alive and unharmed. 

It must have been the stress or something because immediately afterwards, Khariklo’s water broke. 

“She is stronger than I realize.” Achilles said quietly. “And you are as well. You did good, lad. You did real good.”  

You nodded, a flush of pride growing in your chest. It was rare for your Father to praise anyone and you soaked it in. Feeling exhausted, you leaned against Achilles’ shoulder and closed your eyes. 

It will be alright. You and Khariklo and everyone will be okay. The baby too.

You wouldn’t accept anything else.

~

You never realized how warm -how perfect- Hypnos’s cheerful voice was.

The great house was painfully empty.

~

You added in kindling to coax the flames to grow, to flood the room with its heat and warm light. The constellations shined as the light grew, but the figure in the bed remained unmoved, save for the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Hypnos still haven’t woken up.

The flames consumed the kindling quickly, filling the hearth with light. You stayed there, watching it for a long moment. Your ears strained for any movement, waiting to hear a sleepy greeting that hadn’t come yet.

“Rest.” Thanatos said quietly. “He just needs rest.”

You stood, turning to face Thanatos. The god looked exhausted, but there was a resoluteness in those pale golden eyes. It was the complete opposite of Hypnos’ eyes, round and warm and perfect.

“It must have been about a week now.” You spoke in a hoarse voice. As days passed, you spoke less and less. Even when your parents have tried to get you to talk, you keep your response monosyllabic, unable to muster up the effort. 

Thanatos nodded, his mouth twisted into a grim line. 

You glanced at the bed. Hypnos was on his back, surrounded by lush pillows and covered up by a pile of blankets. Monie next to his head, the little stuffed sheep just as watchful as you were. 

He should have looked comfortable except you knew how Hypnos really slept. 

Hypnos liked to curl up, his hands tucked under his cheeks or with Monie in his arms or holding on to you. His legs would tuck between your legs, tangling together and his curls brush against your nose, his form warm and soft against yours.

This was wrong. 

You resisted to go over, to make it right. 

“Time. It is all we can give him.” Thanatos said. You nodded, not really agreeing. 

You should have finished the job, Pyrrhus still hasn't paid for his crimes. You no longer cared if he was driven to madness, if you saw him again you were going to drown him in the river Lethe like you had originally thought about and be done with it. 

It would have been so easy. The river was right there, if it had just been you found him- you sighed.

“Has Master Hades decided on his punishment yet?” You asked, rubbing your forehead and Thanatos shook his head.

“He wants to talk to Hypnos personally before he does.” Thanatos paused, his eyes downcast. A private battle unknown to you.  “It was the same when it happened to me. Master Hades doesn't take these matters lightly, Sir Y/N, and he wants Hypnos’s input over anyone else.”

His glance was pointed, a warning. 

“Beside, sir Y/N, that shade isn’t resting easily. Megaera is making sure of that.” Thanatos finished. His tone was cold but satisfied. You bit back your true thoughts, that Megarea wouldn’t be able to come up with a punishment horrible enough to satisfy your own raging heart.

But nothing good will come from that. Hypnos also wouldn’t be pleased if you started another disagreement between you and Thanatos.

So you chuckled, unamused. “So I just sit here and do nothing.”

“Be here for my brother, mortal.” Thanatos ordered sharply. “That is the one thing you can do, so do it.” 

You wanted to snap back but the fight in you was fading so you just nodded. Besides, you felt no real anger at Thanatos, not anymore. He had been the one to stay and watch over Hypnos with you as the others had come and gone.

Achilles, much to the distaste of Master Hades, had taken over his old duties with Patroclus guarding the house, side by side. Zagrues had been ‘volunteered’ for Hypnos’ old job.

From what you had been told, it was going rather poorly. 

Hypnos stayed asleep, blissfully unaware of anything. His breathing was easy and slow. His magic however was alive and well. There was a heaviness to your body, and you even caught Thanatos holding back a yawn a few times.

“I have to return to my duties.” Thanatos’ mouth tightened. For the first time since you knew him, he seemed resentful of his calling. You wished Hypnos was awake to see it, no doubt he would get a kick out of it.

“I will let you know first if anything changes.” You offered up. If it comforted Thanatos, you wouldn’t know.  His face was calm, as if untouched from the offering of the olive branch.

“Good.” Was all he said before he vanished. 

You waited for a beat, making sure you were really alone before you allowed your weakness to show, your body slumping. 

Each of your steps were too loud in the quiet room, a mockery of a heartbeat. On the first day, you had placed the chair against his bed so you and others would have a place to sit when visiting Hypnos.

You had thought it would be a temporary thing but now you feared it won’t be. Settling on it, you reached over, taking Hypnos’ hand in yours. You pressed a kiss against the cool skin - it should be warm, Hypnos was supposed to be warm- and lingered there, staring at his peaceful face.

He was beautiful like this, he always was. He truly was the god of sleep, he alone carried a type of peace that no other god could claim. The fan of his white eyelashes flush against his cheeks, his lips parted just so. His messy curls were soft and loose around his face.

You cupped his chin and gently turned him to face you. His curls fell in front of his closed eyes. Your thumb brushed along his cheek, your heart cracking into pieces.

“Your brother tells me you need rest, my love.” You whispered. “Take all you need, I will be here when you wake up. But gods, Hypnos. I miss you.”

Hypnos slept on.

~

The twilight brought no peace. 

“We can’t leave the body.” You stated quietly. You didn’t need to be quiet, not with Khariklo’s exhausted sobs drifting on the wind. The sky was darkening, soft purple and blushing pinks fading into the stars. 

The poppy’s red petals were still bright, defying the call of the night just for a little bit longer. 

Achilles rubbed his nape, then sighed. “No. We can’t. They don’t come back for their dead. And she shouldn’t have to see it.”

You nodded, tugging at a blade of grass nervously. You remembered, even years later, even after trying to block it out and ignore the nightmare that chased after you, of what they did to the bodies of your fellow slaves. Bile filled in your throat and you swallowed.

You weren’t the one who stuffering right now. Khariklo had almost lost everything today. Chiron as well. 

Your nails dug into the cool dirt, unable to think of anything else but limb bodies and fire-

A hand landed on your shoulder and gave a firm squeeze. Your head jerked up, meeting Achilles' blue eyes. He said nothing, his expression calm and sure. He understood. 

Patroclus would have tried to talk about it, to reach in and smooth the hidden ache he saw in you. You knew it was to give you something he never had, a deep, unwavering  parental love.

Achilles didn’t do the same. He stayed quiet. Not because of the lack of love. If anything, maybe he loved you too much. 

Your Father stood and you followed. Dimly, you realized that you were almost eye-level with him. And you don’t know when that happened. 

Achilles nodded, his resolve clear in his eyes. 

You nodded back.

As you walked back to the garden, to where you fought, the poppy brushed against your skin.

~

Uncaring if the fire died, you stay in place by Hypnos’ bedside. His cool hand in yours, the flutter of his pulse was your only comfort.

~

You shouldn’t have been surprised to see Queen Persephone and Lady Nyx standing before you but you were.

Queen Persephone’s smile was warm, her green eyes bright. In her arms, you saw Hypnos’ cloak and sleep mask.

It was like they were never touched. You had thought when they were found again, it would be torn like Hypnos’ chiton was. You knew they saw the surprise relief in your face, not that you tried to hide it.  

“My Lady Nyx and Queen Persephone.” You said, moving out the way, your head bowed as they came into the chambers. You closed the door softly behind them, shutting the outside world away once more. 

Without an acknowledgment of your greeting, Lady Nyx went over to Hypnos’ bedside. The shadows chased after her, almost killing the warm light of the hearth, her pale skin glowing like the moon. 

Nyx stood over her child. She was quiet for a long time, staring at his face intently. Nyx was an enigma to you. You never were able to understand her but at this moment, you liked to think that she was just a mother tending to a hurt child.

However, a part of you remained wary, remembering the hurt she had caused him but you knew Hypnos would want his mother close by.

Queen Persephone held out Hypnos’ cloak for you to take. You did, grateful that it looked whole. You admired it for a moment, the deep red smoothing something inside of you.

The mask stared up at you, the stare unchanging. 

“One of Megaera’s helpers found it and I was able to mend it.” Queen Persephone whispered, patting your arm. “Luckily, the damage wasn’t too bad.”

“Thank you, my queen.” You whispered thickly. Suddenly, you understood Master Hades’ complete devotion to this goddess. She didn’t have to do anything like this, not for Hypnos or for you. 

Yet she did.

She gave Nyx a lingering glance then to you, “Let us step out for a moment, shall we?”

You went stiff, wanting to deny her. Queen Persephone saw it clear as day but no anger sparkled in her bright green eyes. She only nodded toward Lady Nyx. You glanced over, and saw what she did.

Lady Nyx’s hands were bone white in her dark skirts, and you were amazed that she didn’t rip the fabric apart. There was the faintest trembling in her form.

You tore your eyes away, feeling you saw something you had no right to.

“He won’t be alone.” She assured you, her hands clasped together.  You muttered a quiet agreement. 

Outside in the hallway, candlelight danced, casting shadows among the walls. The light seem brighter with her around, as if the house was shifting itself around to please it’s queen. 

You were at a loss of what to say. 

“I’m glad he has you.” Queen Persephone said, prompting you to look up in surprise. Her smile was still warm but there was a touch of sadness you haven’t seen before in those emerald eyes.

“He was usually alone in the house, especially when Thanatos started working. Sometimes he would follow me around but I had my duty as a new wife and queen, hardly a good playmate.” 

She paused, holding your stare. “He is a child of Nyx. He is stronger than this.”

You parted your lips to speak only to close your mouth when no words came forward. All you could offer was another ‘thank you, my Queen.’ It felt weak, but the Queen accepted it with grace. 

There was a moment of silence, then the door opened. Lady Nyx emerged from the shadows, her eyes hazy. If she had been mortal, you might have thought she was near to tears. 

“My Queen, may I have a moment with Sir Y/N?” Nyx asked. The look shared between the two goddesses was unknowable to you. It was a conversation of eyes meeting followed by a quiet sigh.

“Of course.” Queen Persephone agreed. Both you and Lady Nyx bowed as Persephone left, the light chasing after her, not willing to leave the sun kissed goddess in the dark. 

Lady Nyx’s eyes were heavy on you as you rose again. Hypnos’ coat felt so soft against your skin. You resisted tightening your hold on it, not wanting to look like a boy clinging on to a toy for comfort.

“Sir y/n.” Nyx hissed your name like it was a curse. “Tell me. The mortal who did this, he is your brother, correct?”

The idea of calling that animal ‘brother’ made you sick but she wasn’t wrong. 

You swallowed the burning rage down, forcing yourself to speak normally. “In the loosest sense of the word, Lady Nyx.”

“I see.” She said, her nails looked more like claws of a lion and she would love to dig them into your neck. You didn’t flitch from her stare. In the darkness, they glowed. They weren’t the same honey gold of Hypnos’, more yellowed like a large cat. 

Then, Nyx spoke again. Quiet and deadly. “Master Hades is getting impatient. I am getting impatient.”

Your fingers twitched, far as you cared, Hades could get in line right behind you. Nyx however… 

Nyx seemed to sense your mind, letting out a scoff. You bit back every ugly thought you ever had about her. Hypnos adored his family, and you will not put your own emotions before his love for his family.

“You don’t even know, you foolish shade.” Lady Nyx hissed. 

“Then tell me, my lady.” You replied back, tone cool as ice. Her yellow eyes stared down at you, the weight of her ancient powers filled the hallway. You felt like you might drown from it.  

Her eyes narrowed. Her mouth thinned. 

“Should my child never waken ever again…” She paused, letting the possibility sink in, the idea flooding your very core with dread. She wouldn’t say it if she didn’t think it was possible, surely? 

“What will you do? Will you leave?” Her voice was soft. Mocking. 

“I won’t go.” You snarled. Your words were sharp in the air, settling among her magic like a vow. Nyx watched you, waiting. She loomed, shadows playing at her feet, guiding along the folds of her dark skirt. 

“I will be like stone, my lady, I will stay until there is nothing left of me.” You vowed quietly. “Hypnos won’t be alone.” 

She felt ancient, made of void itself and all you could offer her the promise of a shade, a mortal long dead, their dust now belonged to the earth itself.

Nyx was quiet for a long time. A very long time. 

“So be it.” Lady Nyx said, staring through you, like you weren’t even there. 

Before you could ask anything else, to get an answer from her, she was gone. 

You stood alone, light and darkness interplayed on your skin. The accusing eyes of Hypnos’ sleep mask staring up at you. 

~

You squeezed his hand, pressing a kiss against his knuckles.

“Love, this whole damn house is falling apart without you. I’m falling apart without you.” It was the truth and you didn’t see the point in hiding it. “Fates help us all, even the untouchable Lady Nyx is…”

You paused, your lips against Hypnos’ cool skin. His eyes remained closed.

“Just don’t take too long.” You begged. “For our sake.”

~

It was the quiet that was getting to you. 

It was too quiet. The wrong kind. It wasn’t like the peaceful one that you shared with Hypnos at the end of a long day, him dozing against your back while you got caught up on letters or maintenance for your weapons.

This silence was a dragging one, one that made a soul painfully aware of every single passing seconds. It was utterly madding. You used to pined for quiet.  

You paced for the first hour, unable to settle. Your spear had been sharpened to a fine point. The fire tended to once more. Hypnos breathed, slow and gentle when you checked on him again.

You brushed his curls to keep them from knotting up, careful with each touch. You hoped that eventually his cloak and sleep mask would be found soon. If Hypnos woke up without them, he would be heartbroken. Especially since you suspected he loved that cloak more than his own bed. 

Needing something to do, you turned to his bookcase with a frown.

Even now, you still haven’t worked Hypnos’ system. Not completely.

You felt Monie’s judging eyes on your back. The little sheep was practically glued to Hypnos’ side since you had laid Hypnos down on the bed upon returning. Just like you were.

“Like you have a better idea?” You asked it quietly. Monie didn’t respond, not that it could as far as you knew, but the judgmental stared didn’t feel quite as harsh as before.

There were countless books, scrolls to choose from. You pick a few out, skimping the first pages to try to find one you knew Hypnos wouldn’t mind listening to. Hypnos was a lover of heroic epics that much you knew, along romantic tales. 

Eventually you found one, a tale of a hero long before you, or even the idea of Greece itself existed. One that might be damned by his own heart. The cover was made of worn out leather, pages faded with some edges missing but the binding felt study. 

You settled in the chair, staring at Hypnos. It felt wrong to be separated from him but you didn’t want to risk hurting him so you made yourself stay in place even if you wanted to curl around his sleeping form. 

“If you don’t like this story.” You paused. “Well, that will just give you a reason to wake up and tell me so, love.” 

Hypnos didn’t respond, his chest rising and falling. For a moment, you imagined that this would be how it would be, you watching over Hypnos for evermore. Lady Nyx’s words haunting you. 

You will wait as long as it takes. Eventually the gentle god of sleep will awaken once more. 

With a deep breath, you began the tale.

~

Melanippe, the firstborn of Chiron and Khariklo, was born in the early hours of a pale, washout dawn. 

Thick, black plumes of smoke were still trailing upward into the gray clouds when Patroclus had stepped out and called for you. His smile filled with pride, his dark eyes marked by bags of exhaustion.

Her parents’ faces were worn out but their smiles were bright when Patroclus had all but shoved you into the room. You could hear the babe’s faint gurgling noises, her little fists raised in the air.  

Khariklo sat up with Chrion’s hand on her back. She waved you over and you went over to her, warily eyeing the buddle in her arms. You also saw one little soft hoof sticking out. 

That would explain why the birthing took so long.

“Come meet our daughter, Melanippe.” Khariklo handed over the babe to you without hesitation, ignoring the naked fear in your eyes.  She leaned back, satisfied and worn out.

You blinked down at the squirming form, trying to make sure you didn’t drop her. You were sure that you were supposed to not drop babies, right?

You never saw a baby this close after birth before. Her skin was ruddy, her face scrunched up and angry and deeply unhappy that you were not her mother. She whimpered and one of the little hoofs kicked out, missing your face by an inch. 

“She is a fighter.” Chiron said proudly. 

“Thank you.” Khariklo said, fresh tears in her eyes. Chiron’s face sobered, not looking away from his daughter. “Without you…”

You shook your head, ignoring the weak kick Melanippe landed on your chest. If anything, you found yourself charmed by her outrage. It was a relief to see her angry, to see her alive and well. 

She was safe and unharmed.

Melanippe fussed loudly and you carefully returned her Khariklo’s waiting arms. It only took moments before Melanippe settled. She huffed, a little hand curled against her cheek.

“Thank you.” Khariklo whispered once more, her face softening as she stared down at her daughter. Something tightened in your chest, a flare up of an ache that you had long forgotten.

Later, Patroclus found you alone outside, staring down at the lake, surrounded by poppies. You didn't look up when he joined you. He stared up at the stars, the waning moon clinging to its last bit of moonlight.

“Oh lad.” He whispered, and you winced. 

“I’m fine.’ You told him, trying to sound firm but failing. You needed to be strong for him. You have seen the first touch of gray touching his temples. The nervousness in Achilles’ frown when Patroclus had to take a moment too long to get up. 

Patroclus shot you a look, letting you know how little you were fooling him. Without saying a single word, Patroclus held out his arm. You paused, you wanted to tell him that you were growing up, that you were a man, even if you were a young one. That you didn’t need him or anyone else.

Then you sighed, knowing there was no point in lying to yourself. You sunk into his side, grateful for the warmth of his hug. He smelt like soap and leather and you soaked it all in. 

Patroclus rested his chin on your head, his beard rough against your hair. “I love you, my child. So, so much. Don’t you ever forget that.”

“I won’t.” You promised as the song of the night went on, wild poppies- beautiful and dark ruby red- danced in the cool breeze. 

~

It was a broken moan that woke you up. 

Eyes snapping open, hand already on your spear, looking for the source of the sound in the dim room. The book hitting the floor with a dull tund. It took you a second to realize that sound was coming from the bed. 

It was coming from Hypnos.

You twisted around, heart leaping in your throat. “Hypnos?”

“No-stop. Don’t touch me!” he moaned, his thrashing growing more violent, causing the pillows to fall to the floor. You didn’t hesitate, crawling into bed with him, knees sinking into the mattress and pinning down his arms before he could hurt himself.

His nails dug deep into your forearms, and you hissed at the burning pain. But you didn’t let go, it was better Hypnos hurt you than himself. There were tears spilling from his cheeks, his breathing rapid.

“It just a nightmare.” You smoothed, “Hypnos, it’s okay!”

You shifted and pulled him into your lap,curling around him like a living shield. You held on a tight bear hug, shushing and muttering comforting nonsense as he sobbed. It went for long, painful minutes, breaking your heart at each weezy gasp.

“It is okay now.” You shushed him. “He can't hurt you. I won’t let him.”

You kept talking, rocking gently as you tried to calm him. Until finally, Hypnos went limp against you, his breathing slowly changing into a slow and peaceful one. His tears had damped your neck, but you didn’t move. 

You stared out into the dark. Grief and hate warred inside you. It was only your love for Hypnos that kept you from returning to the damp darkness of Tartarus, to where Pyrrhus was.

He shifted against you, mumbling in his sleep. He let out a sigh, sounding so peaceful that you closed your eyes. With a knot in your throat, you pressed a kiss against his forehead.

You remained there, holding on Hypnos and with nothing else left to do, you prayed.

PART B

[koalala700]

Dear Adin,

Letter #2 in the unknown amount of letters I'll write in the healing process.

My luck with vehicles isn't the greatest. In my move to Clearwater, the day was not great. I was flustered in the morning, hadn't slept well the night before, and ended up popping my tire. Got frustrated because I couldn't get my jack to cooperate. Despite this (and after a much needed Busbar) I was able to regain my composure and take care of what needed to be done in the following two days.

It occurred to me that in all our time together, we moved around over a dozen times. It's now been.. what, 16 times I've moved since I graduated high school? The funny part is that I still haven't learned to pack properly.

I'm getting settled in the new place. And now I'm feeling pangs of pain and wounds reopened as I fully let it sink in and see all the places where only years ago, we were there together. The somber realization of how much can change in time.

Despite the pain, I'm letting myself feel it for a moment and then putting it in a box. I know that you have moved on, I'm trying to do the same. Keyword, trying.

Even though I find myself afraid to do so many things alone, I'm forcing myself to do it anyway. No one is there to catch me or (help) do it for me. Maybe it's not much to the world to be proud of, but I am proud of myself for facing new fears every day.

I tried, in vain, to set up my bed by myself before having to get help but I got through a good portion until one stupid - had to have been Ikea - piece got me stuck.

I'm taking care of my health a little more every day. The good news is that the vomiting blood thing stems from digestive issues and not anything else we always theorized it to be. And with the help of some anti anxiety meds, I can treat the worst of my problems without the oh so lovely side effects of SSRIs. I found a few good shops nearby to get groceries and make healthier food decisions. There's a gym in the complex I plan to take full advantage of.

I even cut back on the whole stoner thing. It was fun for a bit, it made me sleep like a baby and in some ways helped me feel calm. But the never ending brain fog and anxiety caused by feeling like I wasn't in control became too much. I still do occasionally but nowhere near as much as I used to.

I've hit the realization that I'm actually okay with being alone. I have Enoch (little demon cat that he is), a decent car, a good job, a nice apartment, and good friends. And that is already enough. I've worked on healing the relationship with my family even more.

I miss the intimacy of our relationship, the physical and emotional aspect, the connection. All of that stuff, yes. Of course. But.. I'm okay? I've recognized that while these things are wonderful, I (as so many others) know I can survive without it.

One day at a time, I'm learning to live with the hurt and accept:

It's okay to still love and miss you

It's okay to feel angry about the situation

It's okay to wish things had been different

It's okay that I have times where I break down sobbing

It's okay that there are days when I need help

It's okay to feel conflicted

It's okay that my feelings don't always make sense

It's okay to not always be okay

And it's okay to accept that while I didn't want things to end up like this, it's okay to move forward without you.

You are clearly moving forward and I'm trying so hard to make myself do the same thing.

One day at a time.