#but i want a fuck mothering penis

[trashartgalleries]

Why do people not like bottom male reader content bro!!!!!

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE WANT TO TOP ALL THE TIME?!?!?!?!?!?

WHY WON'T YOU ALLOW ME TO HAVE A PENIS; I ALREADY HAVE A VAGINA?!!?!??

I TIRE OF FILLING THE VOID!!!! 😭

[malicejane-in-wonderland]

I'M DONE BEING THE BIGGER PERSON. TIME TO SHAVE OFF HER EYEBROWS.

[bookwyrminspiration]

i am once again asking what tf was Freud on

[psychicvelociraptor]

everytime i’m convinced i’m a lesbian i just need to read an mlm fic and be like Oh Right. i am Devastated that i will never be a GUY in love with a GUY!!!!!!!!!!

[monstersflashlight]

Okay, hear me out: Oviposition with your insect-morph or alien partner that can go either to a cnc/dubcon play space if you want, but like...reader slowly becomes addicted to being a broodmother. Bonus points if reader is a fembunny with strong breeding instinct? :3

A/N: Hi there! This was hella fun to write, I though it would make more sense not to make reader a bunny hybrid but hope this meets all your expectations, I personally think turned out pretty good. (Also want to recommend this Stardew Valley fic because it’s the first time I read brood-mother kink and it def changed my perspective). Enjoy!

Brood-mother

Insect-monsters x fem!reader || oviposition, free use, heavy dub-con, breeding, brood-mother kink, aphrodisiacs

You walked into that cave without idea, without knowing what the fuck you were supposed to do there. When the wizard hired you for a special mission, going as far as looking specifically for you because apparently you had everything he needed, you didn’t argue much. He said some cryptic stuff as he gave you instructions to walk into the cave and look for something, he only said you’ll know when you found it, and you, silly you, accepted. It was good money, and it seemed simple enough, even if the wizard was creepy as fuck and you didn’t even know what you were looking for.

You had been walking in the cave for less than ten minutes when you felt something against your back, and you fell face down to the ground. You didn’t have time to turn around, didn’t have time to react before you felt some slimy substance around your hands and ankles. It was disgusting and you tried to get it off but you couldn’t move, the substance pinned you down to the ground. You were panicking, unable to move in any direction… and then you felt it. It was like tiny pokes against your back, against your legs, and buzzing sounds that made you shiver. What was that?

You turned your head to the side in time to see a bunch of crawling-insects running in your direction, you were about to scream when something was shoved inside your mouth. You didn’t know what it was, but it tasted amazing and you latched to it, sucking strongly to get more of that substance. The reaction was fast, your whole body getting hotter as you felt the first insects getting to your body.

The tore your clothes off, your body being stripped as you groaned and moaned against the weird thing in your mouth, unable to scream, unable to stop sucking that sweet nectar that was driving you slowly insane. You barely remembered the words of the wizard when they said you would be prepared and ready when they arrived. What seemed cryptic at the moment made total sense when you realized they were preparing you for them, they were making sure you were fertile and breedable for them.

They needed a queen… and they found you.

That was your last thought before you felt something akin to a cock was shoved into your pussy without preamble. It felt weird, ridged and harder than a human penis, but it rubbed against your walls in a way that made your head dizzy with pleasure as you got wetter and wetter. It didn’t take long before you felt the appendage parting inside of you, the side pressing against your G-spot, the tip probing at your cervix before something was inserted into your uterus. An egg. They were laying eggs inside of you. You wanted to run away, to scream… to care. But it felt so good. It felt too good and your brain wasn’t even yours anymore, you could only think of pleasure and breeding, of being full of them so you could be their queen. Their real queen.

That cock was pulled out and another took its place, thrusting into your body without mercy as you squirmed in pleasure, your pussy convulsing as you came around it. Another egg was pushed inside you. And another dick shoved inside your dripping pussy. An egg. A dick. An egg. A dick. It was an intoxicating circle that drove your brain and body into a frenzy.

You’d never felt something like that, being at the complete mercy of creatures you couldn’t even name was making you aroused, aroused to the point of juices pooling under your body. Maybe it was the aphrodisiac, but deep down you knew you were just perverted, and the fact that you were just a fuck-hole to breed for them… it made you hot. The idea that you will be pregnant with all their eggs… it made your clit tingle harder as another egg was pushed inside of you. It was intoxicating.

It continued for hours, they pumped you so full of eggs you felt about to explode, your stomach distended pushed your body into an awkward angle that only made your pussy more available for the next round. So many of them filled you, you lost count of how many eggs there could be inside of you. You came so many times you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore.

But then the buzzing stopped. “Shush little explorer, I’ve sent them away, they already did their job… They found the brood-mother,” the creepy voice of the wizard resonated inside your half asleep brain as you felt the slimy restrains disappear and he took your body, too tired to fight back.

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Two Three Four

Steve sits with his head pressed against the steering wheel.

In the passenger seat, Robin’s doing her make up.

“What are we doing here, Rob?”

“You mean like, in the cosmic soul searching sense, or here specifically?”

“Here. Specifically.”

“Well, your beautiful brunette boyfriend-”

“You don’t score points for alliteration. And he’s not my boyfriend.”

“All right then, the man who is under the distinct impression that he’s your boyfriend, suggested we all hang out together. So we are here. At the place I suggested.”

“Because you know I hate it here.”

Robin makes a non committal noise, Steve looks, she’s pulling the horrendous mascara face. He goes back to resting his forehead on the steering wheel.

Steve does hate it here. Reminds him of...fucking work brunches with his father and Sunday lunches with his mother and he just. Hates it.

Steve sighs like a Victorian maid who’s betrothed has not yet returned from sea. He’s certain he’ll die from consumption at any minute.

“Shut up you big baby,” Robin tells him as she fluffs her hair, “all I want is to finger bang this chick in the bathroom and then rub my cunt on her face, is that too much to ask?”

And Robin has been wholly supportive of Steve so far, so, “no, I suppose-what the fuck Robin? Did you choose this place because-”

“I like the bathrooms-”

“-the bathrooms are nice-”

“What?-”

“Oh you fucking-”

“They’re romantic kinda’.”

“They’re bathrooms, Robin!”

“The lighting is good. I like the vibe.”

“Oh my god.”

Steve’s stares mournfully after his best friend. She’s at the bar with Chrissy, because Chrissy wanted to watch the guy make their cocktails, look he does tricks with the thing, like in that old movie with Tom Cruise.

Steve could physically feel himself ageing as she spoke.

“It’s so cool they’re dating.” Steve does not point out that whatever Robin's about to do to Chrissy, it will be a four letter word, but that four letter word is not ‘date’.

“You think?”

Eddie smiles big. The dimples come out. Huge happy brown fucking cow eyes. He’s not attractive Steve reminds himself viciously. He’s playing with his cutlery because he can’t sit still and...his chins too pointy. Or something. “Well yeah. It’d be so cool if they get married.”

Steve nearly chokes on his drink.

“Hey man, you okay?”

“Fine, fine,” Steve’s nose is burning from the bubbles going up there, “what makes you think they’ll get married?”

“Well...why would you date someone if you can’t see it going somewhere?” Steve hopes this is going somewhere; like to a bed, specifically, “so there’s a chance, right? I can tell Chris really likes her. I hope it’s like, a long term thing.”

Steve feels himself slow blink. He doesn’t explain to Eddie that you date someone because you want to stick your penis in them. Eddie turns to watch the girls again, they laugh, and Eddie grins at them, all happy and fond.

Steve sighs.

“You okay?”

“Sorry?”

“You just...you don’t seem so happy to be here man. Kind of tense.”

Steve has no idea how Eddie even noticed, usually people don’t notice. Or usually people don’t care, but it amounts to the same thing because coming to somewhere like this is just the step you take before you step into a bedroom.

“I...I actually don’t really like it here much.”

Eddie looks at him, leans close. He’s ready to really listen. He...cares. About Steve. Steve wonders if he’s going to come up in a rash; it feels like the sort of thing he should be allergic too. He wonders vaguely if there’s antihistamines in the glove box.

“Why?”

“Well...I.” Steve pulls a face. He doesn’t talk about...meaningful things, but he figures it can’t hurt this once, he can be vague. Especially if it increases the chance of doing the no pants dance with Eddie, “I don’t have the best relationship with my parents. I mean, they’re good parents, I had really good nannies growing up, had a great education, the best boarding school, they funded my degree, gave me a solid start at work, so they are great...we just don’t exactly get on all the time. We used to come here for pretty much every family meal.”

Eddie’s frown deepens the more Steve talks, “how often were the...family meals?”

“I don’t know,” Steve hums, “holidays I guess, when I was away, and then...maybe fortnightly? We don’t do it now, obviously.”

“Oh. Me and uncle Wayne had one meal a day together, at least, when I lived there. It was like, a house rule.”

“Oh that’s...you’re close?” To Steve that already sounds like something out of the fucking Brady Bunch.

“Yeah. Speaking of which, he’s invited you to dinner.”

“Dinner?” Steve asks weakly.

“Yeah, since you’re courting that boy, he said.” Eddie puts his hands up to do the air quotes. And then he grins. That big stupid grin. He looks so happy. So genuinely happy to see Steve. So happy about the prospect of just...seeing him again.

Steve does not point out that a blow job at a garden party, humping each other in a public bathroom, and one co ed BBQ does not courting make.

“Right.”

“Awesome, I’ll let you know when,” Eddie drums two forks on the edge of the table. Steve stares at his bony wrists. His mind suggests phrases like, ‘slender’ and ‘delicate’ and Steve ignores those and thinks about how he could very easily hold both of those wrists in one hand. “listen, do you want to get out of here?”

“Sorry?”

“Well, the girls won’t care,” and he’s probably right there, “and you don’t like it here, and I don’t care where I am as long as it’s with you.”

Steve riffles through his internal Rolodex and comes up blank; no one has ever said anything that sincere to him in his life. And Eddie means it too; he means everything he says in a completely unguarded way Steve has literally never encountered before. It’s like meeting an alien. Steve wants to put him under a microscope.

“I just want you to have a nice time, you know. I want you to be happy.”

Eddie reaches out and takes Steve’s hand.

Steve lets him.

Part Six

[iiiiiiis-things]

"But you're the only one that's holding me down!"

pairing- bsf!satoru x reader

cw- igs angst idk i js needed plot to build up, fluff, highschool toru

analysis- your ex leaves you & satoru gets stood up

a/n- HEY PEOPLES i just wanna thank you for all the support and love yall are giving me im close to 1k and i wanna do a special so ill be having a poll posted soon, also this story was heavily influenced by strangers things season 2 when nancy was dancing with dustin !

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"are you fucking shitting me ?" your stern voice could be heard by your ex, who was standing in front of you dancing with another girl but quickly removed her away from him the second he saw your face. "is this what you meant by be right back? to go blow me off with this bitch?" you point to the girl he was dancing with, completely shocked because not to be rude but you knew your self worth and this was just down right disrespectful. "baby i swear she's just a friend-" you tune him out making an overly dramatic eye roll as you feel your eyes began to water, honestly you didn't even know why exactly this little situation had you threatening to spill tears.

your ex was embarrassing you nothing new before- this was the same routine, the same cycle, and he had the same excuse every. single. time. you wanted to quite literally punch yourself in the face for falling for it yet again.

There was something in your gut telling you going to the snowball with your ex would have horrible results, yet you ignored your female intuition and went anyways, now you stood here looking so idiotically stupid in front of everyone as your confront this piece of shit. honestly ? you weren't even close to being as upset as you were embarrassed. hell the only reason you found out what he was doing on his "bathroom break" was because your friend pointed him out with a "uh girl- ain't that yo man?"

"bottom line is- you mean more to me than she does" is he serious ?.. "oh so she means something to you? just not as much as me right" the girl look so uncomfortable in this situation she began to remove herself from the middle of you two "little word of advice sweetheart, don't date him in the future, he's just looking to get his dick wet."

"wha- no what are you- why are you putting words in my mouth?! you know what are being such a bitch about this! jesus y/n you're always blowing things way out of proportion it's why i can't stay in a damn relationship with you ! and i try so hard to be nice but it's like you latch on to me like a fucking leech, just admit it without me you would be nothing! you had no one before me, no one loved you until I came along. your so god damn annoying seriously." staring in absolute disbelief and your eyes are so hot as people were now looking his way wondering what was going on and why his voice was growing louder and louder by the minute.

"let me tell you something you sick fuck. I am my own person and i do not need a little boy who's insecure about his penis size to contradict me about me and my life, you may have gotten me to come out of my shell but you didn't make shit, you are not my father nor my mother so you have absolutely no right to speak to me the way you're doing right now. I am a growing woman with my own liberties and ideals and if you didn't see that before, then that says a lot about the way you view me." hot tears are not streaming down your face as you make your way back to the table you were sitting at. you had made sure to keep your voice down so you wouldn't attract a crowd because lord knows all hell would've broken lose.

you sat at the table trying to dry your tears as a wave of nausea comes over you, feeling upset about everything that just happened as his words relayed in your head 'no one loved you' no. he was wrong so utterly wrong, you had friends, great ones in fact, you even had a best friend the one who stuck by your side through thick and thin.

---

"shit" satoru cursed out as he realized he was crying, he was currently sitting behind the flimsy decorations the at covered the bleachers, alone and out of sight form everyone who could see how pathetic he looked right now.

crying over a female.

satoru honestly didn't even know why exactly this little situation had him crying, he had been showed up. nothing new before- girls who flirt with him for his wealth and ditch as soon as the connections start. of course he was used to it, sad but true. he came to the conclusion of it wasn't the girl herself that he was crying over. it was his inability to find love. most people would laugh when if they hear that satoru was true a lover boy, especially with his reputation for moving into different relationships faster than a virgin boy cumming for the first time.

in fact he had been in more flings you can count on your fingers just this semester. but it wasn't on purpose it's not like his goal was to become a pass around. it just sorta happened...

satoru was more upset than he had realized. thoughts running around his head about how unlucky his love life was. He sat on the bleachers, on the last day and most important moment of the first semester of his senior year, crying and alone.

it was so unfair, he had come here with a group of friends and though they didn't come with dates it sure as hell looked like they were leaving with one, suguru and shoko didn't even have a plus one but in the mist of waiting with satoru on his, they had both picked up someone to dance with. which was fine, he couldn't bring himself to be envy of his friends love life. hell even his best friend who stuck by his side through thick and thin was probably around the gymnasium somewhere slow dancing with her-

"hey." satoru immediately wipes his face as he hears your voice. "uh hey, what's up?" he looks up at you hoping you wouldn't notice his red and puffy eyes, but you were his best friend so of course you did.

"are you okay?" walking over to the bleachers you sit a couple feet away from him "yeah, heh why wouldn't i be?" he said with a little sniffle "oh well- this is just an observation but maybe it has something to do with the fact that you're crying... and alone" shit you had noticed, satoru did not like the feeling swarming inside his tummy he felt self-conscious. he didn't want to look so vulnerable infront of you

"well- technically i'm not alone, you're here" he looks up at you giving his infamous cocky smile that you've grown the love you can't help but giggle at his antics "what's funny?" "you" you catch yourself smiling a little to hard at him which causes you to clear your throat and switch the topic of the conversation. "so uh- where's your date?" looking off to the side his smile faded as soon as it came "i don't know if i should tell you, it's pretty lame" he spreads his legs further slouching down as he picks at his fingernails in the middle of his lap.

"satoru i've been your friend since middle school... i've seen your emo phase" his eyes shoot open as he looks over at you in horror "oh my god! you remember that?" a pink hue dusted his cheeks as he remembers the sight of that god awful side part and horrible black eye liner (sorry nanami) "of course i do" you let out with a laugh gojo leans his head back and groan bringing his hands up to cover his face out of embarrassment. laughing once more you decide to scoot in closer, now sitting right next to him, opposite to the few feet when you were away from him. "so?"

"i've been stood up" his eyes falls into his lap not having the guts to see your face of empathy right now. "if it makes you feel better" you lean back and stretch your arms out on the row behind you eyes having the same fate as his "my ex ditched me for someone else then proceeded to call me annoying" gojo felt his heart squeeze as he looked up to see the waterline of your eyes activate "he's a piece of shit, seriously i don't even know why you keep going back to him" redness around his eyes slowly faded and started to fill with anger as he talked about your ex "it's cause- i just- i just want to be loved by someone who truly wants me for me and every time he walks into my life it's usually at one of my lowest points and i just fall right for it!" your best friend watched intensely as he took in every word you were saying as you began to pour your heart out to him all the while in his head agreeing with you since all he wanted was to be loved.

"i mean its so hard to find someone in this generation who truly cares about me, it's like im" you lean forward and put your face in you palms eyebrows furrowed as you let your frustrations out

"doomed for love"

the two of you make eye contact shocked that the same words fell from both of your lips "i get you in so many ways you wouldn't even understand." a comfortable silence fills the air around you for a moment until he broke it (fucking blabbermouth) "for the record, i don't think your annoying, and-" mumbling the last part you look over in confusion "what did you say?" the blush began to creep back up his neck as he looks to the side "i said-" he voice went inaudible once again "toru i can't hear you" "i said you look beautiful tonight!" he suddenly shouted, turning back around to look you in your eyes, the two of you just looked at eachother not knowing what to say next "well thank you, i think that you look very handsome" you scootch over more and lean you head on to his shoulder

at first satoru tenses up not sure what to do but as time went on he relaxes, slowly bringing a hand around to your waist to pull you in even closer into a nice side hug as the two of you watch the other people have fun on the dance floor "jesus, suguru can not dance" letting out a sigh satoru puts his head down embarrassed for his friend who was currently making a damn fool of himself infront of his date you giggle looking around the gymnasium spotting your closet girl friend "if you think he's bad look at shoko" you sit up and he follows suit only for his jaw to drop at the her cruel dance moves "what about-"

"utahime" in unison the two of you burst into laughter as you seemingly spot her at the same time, she was moving her hips so off beat that it was unusual, but hey at least she was happy. after the fit of giggles you return back into the position before "you know, we shouldn't even have come to this thing in the first place- it's so corny i mean cmon, what's next there gonna play a thousand years by christina pe-"

"heart beats fast"

"oh you've gotta be shitting me" you cackle at the perfect timing of his crude joke as he leans back once more. you take it upon your self to get up and stick your hand out in front of him "y-you wanna dance?" rolling your eyes you snatch him up by his blazer dragging him to the make shift dance floor "uh, i'm not sure if i-" "relax you got this, just like we practiced" right. how could he forget that the two of you practice slow dancing together (it was his idea since he didn't want to embarrass himself) just the night before.

you stretch you arms out behind him, caressing where his smooth skin and the fluffiness tuffs of his hair connected as he wrapped his arms around your mid back the two of you smoothly swayed from side to side looking into at another with a smile. "hey let's try something" satoru says he then adjust your hands on him for a more comfortable position and soon enough he's leading the way as the two of you dance together laughing at the little stumbles here and there "okay you ready?" "yeah" just then satoru spins you around so lightly you would think that he thinks you're made of glass, fragile. everthing is in slow motion and you don't catch it, but your best friend looks at you with love filling his eyes. you looked so beautiful. your pink dress illuminating under the fairy lights that hung around. gojo satoru had never seen such beauty in his life. he begins to think how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life. after the spin is over he brings you into a hug one hand wrapped its long arm around your back and the other pushes your head into his chest and he leans his neck down to give you a small kiss on your forehead. the hug catches you off guard by its firmness but you reciprocate nun the less.

"wanna go back to my place and watch a movie?"

[daddynattt]

Welcome to your new home

Dark!Natasha Romanoff x F!Step Daughter R

warnings: nat has a penis, hidden camera, masturbation, kidnapping, smut, blow job, face fucking, stockholm syndrome, unprotected sex, breeding, dumbification

word count: 1.4k

send drabble requests

Natasha eyes the camera feed on her phone, getting comfortable in bed as she watches you undress. Such a dumb little thing, not even knowing you had hidden cameras in your bedroom for your stepmom to spy on you. She strokes herself through her boxers, licking her lips as she takes out her erect cock, jerking herself off as she looks at your tits, your nipples perky and hard. Her eyes travel down to your pussy, causing her to grunt as she strokes herself faster, the image of her dick deep inside you — your walls squeezing her tight, as she releases herself in you and finally takes you to make you forever hers — causes her to reach her orgasm quick as her cum shoots onto her hand and chest. Her breathing turns ragged as she calms down from her orgasm. In just a few days, her and your mother will be divorced and she will finally have you all to herself forever.

~~~

“C’mon Natasha, are you sure we can’t fix this? Y/n was just beginning to get comfortable and used to the idea of having you around.”

Natasha remains stoic, looking at your mother as she gathers the rest of her belongings. The divorce has been finalized, and now you can be hers. “I’m sorry, but this is the end of us. I wish you all the best, but I just don’t love you anymore.”

Your mother frowns and Natasha walks out the door to her car. She opens the trunk and puts in her bags, smiling as you lay there completely tied up with your mouth taped up, laughing to herself as you try to squirm and scream.

“C’mon baby, it’s time to go home.”

~~~

Natasha opens the trunk and pulls you out of the car, grabbing onto you and forcing you into the house as she brings you down into the basement. You kick and scream, hoping somehow you can escape her grasp and run away. She pushes you onto the floor and slaps you, causing you to shut up instantly.

“Be a good girl for me and behave, understood?” You look up at her with tears in your eyes, flinching as she grabs your face in her hand. “Shh baby, I won’t hurt you, not too badly at least. I love you and you belong to me. You’re mine now.”

She strokes your cheek, smiling as you unintentionally fall into her touch. Natasha makes her way upstairs as she prepares your special drink, and just as fast as she was gone, she came back.

“I’m going to untie you now, if you scream or fight, I will hurt you in ways you can’t even imagine. Do you understand?” You flinch as you feel the tip of her knife against your neck, nodding faintly as you look up at her. “That’s my good girl. Behave yourself, I'm warning you.”

She unties you and removes the tape, smiling as you stay still, not uttering a single word or sound.

“That’s it baby, good girl. Now be an angel and drink this, this is your special drink just for you.”

She puts the cup to your lips, and you drink it, not wanting to upset her. You finish it all and she kisses your forehead, guiding you to the bed and setting you down. Your body starts to feel weak after a couple of minutes, eyes drooping, and you lay there on the bed, letting the effects of the cocktail take over. As much as you want to get up and leave, your mind is fuzzy, and you stare up at the ceiling, falling in and out of consciousness.

Natasha smirks to herself, getting herself situated and getting everything prepared as you sit there, your body too weak to move.

An hour later she comes back in only a t-shirt and boxers as she makes her way over to you on the bed. “There’s my little princess. Now, daddy wants to play and have some fun, and you’re going to be a good girl for me and take it okay?”

You look up at her with doe eyes, your brain has gone to mush. Your mind is hazy and you can’t think of anything else but your stepmother. She starts undressing you, beaming as you don't fight back, letting her remove all your clothes until you’re fully naked. You watch as she pulls down her boxers and removes her shirt, grabbing onto her cock as she strokes it, your mouth watering at the sight. You don’t know why, but you want it in your mouth and deep inside your pussy.

“You like what you see princess, hmm? You want daddy’s cock don’t you?” You find yourself nodding, and she gets onto the bed and on top of you, stroking her dick right above your face. “Now, be a good girl and suck my cock. Watch your teeth okay? Go on baby.”

Natasha parts your lips with her tip, her pre cum coating them, and you take her dick into your mouth, sucking on it the best you can. Your head is completely empty, no thoughts in your brain other than your stepmother, and you find the taste of her addicting and wanting more. She pushes herself deeper, grunting at the feeling of your warm, wet mouth around her.

“That’s it baby, just like that. You’re doing so good for me,” she moans. You gag around her as she shoves her dick down your throat, looking up at her with tears in your eyes as she face fucks you, drool and spit coming out the sides of your mouth as you deepthroat her. “Fuck! Daddy is gonna cum princess, oh you’re such a good little slut for me, taking my cock so well. You were made for me weren’t you? Not your stupid bitch of a mother. You’re mine now baby, you’re not going anywhere.”

You happily let her fuck your throat, suddenly giddy at the thought of being hers and only hers, and you choke around her as she shoots her load down your throat, doing your best to swallow everything she gives you, not wanting to disappoint her. You whine as she pulls away, grabbing at her dick and looking up at her. She laughs, smiling as she is starting to finally get you where she wants you, leaning down and kissing you as she slides her tongue into your mouth and tasting herself on it.

“Aww my princess is already addicted to my cock? My dumb little cock slut huh? Shh, baby, it’s all yours, gonna fuck your sweet little pussy and breed you like the dumb bitch you are. You’d like that wouldn’t you? You’re nothing but a set of holes for me to dump my cum in, hmm?”

You moan at her words, nodding as you spread your legs. “Please daddy! Please please please!”

You don’t know what you’re begging for, but all you know is you need her inside you. Natasha smirks devilishly, sliding her cock inside you in one full thrust, causing you to moan out loud. She is so big and deep, but all you feel is pleasure and lust as she slides in and out of you at a fast pace, wrapping your legs around her as drool comes out the sides of your mouth, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as she fucks you relentlessly.

Natasha grunts and moans in your ear as she fucks you deep and hard, your walls squeezing her tight, causing her orgasm to reach its peak. You feel so good around her, better than your mother ever felt, her sweet little step daughter that she kidnapped lying underneath her. The dirty thoughts, and the amazing feeling of your pussy, causes her to release herself inside you, moaning into your ear as she hugs your body and shoots all her cum inside you, sliding in and out slowly to prolong her orgasm, making sure to stay inside you to ensure you are properly bred. Your body is weak and limp underneath her, the medicine and the rough fucking causing you to lay still.

You moan as she moves herself inside you again, and you weakly push her away.

“Shh princess, just be a good girl for me and take what I give you, you’re not going anywhere. You’re too dumb to know anything aren’t you?” You stare at her dark, hooded eyes and nod. “You need me to decide everything for you don’t you? Yeah that’s right baby, that’s my good little slut.”

You lay there for hours and hours as she uses your body however she pleases, getting fucked until you’re unconscious. This is your new home now.

[eddiemunson-reader-shame]

Dad!Eddie Munson x Mom!Reader: Boy Moms

Good morning Hawkins I decided to take a break from my fanfic for a minute and write this short little thing out because fuck it I want to write little mundane crap about Dad!Eddie. Also because you know this GIF is how the fuck Eddie's sitting watching the conversation happen when some deranged boy mom starts speaking. Let me just preface by saying before I get mobbed: There's nothing wrong with whatever gender a child is, but boy moms scare the shit out of me. Seek therapy.

Warnings: boy moms (gags), sexism

****

“Having a boy is just life changing. I’m sorry that you’ll never get to experience true love.”

The silence was so palpable that you could almost hear the comedic sound effect of the metaphorical record scratch in both of your brains as all thought stopped. Eddie had been in the middle of packing the diaper bag in the stroller while you were putting your four-month-old in the bassinette. The two of you had been politely trying to cut the brunch date short.

You immediately wondered if you misheard the woman in front of you.

Not quite slack jawed, just with wide eyes, you and your husband both leaned forward over the pristine white linen tablecloth of the café table. One of your “mom” friends - a woman by the name of April Laurentis - sat back across from the two of you and flounced, the magenta of her Avon lipstick bleeding into the cracks of her mouth. She was admittedly not the typical company you kept. Rather a desperate attempt to connect with other parents in Hawkins, and so far had been the only mother to agree to have brunch with an impoverished pair of fresh out of school metalhead parents who lived in a new doublewide with an uncle in Forest Hills Trailer Park.

“I’m sorry, what?” Eddie asked, blinking away the confusion in his face.

“You had a girl, and girl mothers just do not have the same bond as mother and son.” April said, flouncing her blown out curls dyed autumn barley.

She looked right at you and pointed a manicured finger.

“You won’t know true love until you have a son.”

You mouthed a soft ‘what the fuck’ under your breath, watching as Eddie leaned his elbow on the table. His wide brown eyes were fixated on the older woman before him; the corners of his mouth drooping in a grimace that made his smile lines transform into deep trenches on his face. His fist went to his mouth, as if trying to stop himself from speaking.

But of course, Eddie and his big mouth…

“So you’re saying that my wife…” Eddie had to really emphasize the ‘wife’ part, “Like… the first actual girlfriend I’ve ever had, since high school… I’m not her first true love?”

Eddie was a lot of firsts: first boyfriend, first true love, first sexual encounter, first baby daddy to your unwed eighteen-year-old self until Uncle Wayne paid fifty dollars for the marriage license at the Hawkins courthouse after Charlotte was born. Now hopefully, he was your first and last husband.

“Of course not!” April scoffed, “Because little Charlotte is YOUR first love, daughters are always their father’s first love… Your wife will never know true love until you give her a son.”

April dismissed this with a hand wave while her two-year-old started banging a spoon against her chair. You and Eddie just stood there, unable to comprehend the woman’s delusions of a particularly horrifyingly obsessive nature.

“… so you’re saying that your son, little Timmy over here…” you pointed.

“Tanner.”

“Right, Tanner… you’re equating Tanner here to romantic love…?” you asked, dreading the answer.

“It’s just different.” She argued, “You’ll never understand the bond I have with my baby boy. He’s my whole world!”

“And our daughter is what…?” Eddie asked, “A statue? A ghost? An object? What exactly are you trying to imply here? That my kid requires a penis for them to be counted as a valid member of the family to be loved? That’s a little medieval fiefdom of you, don’t you think?”

No sooner did the words leave his mouth, April began to go off on you even though you hadn’t even said anything, ranting about how you would never understand the deep bond that a mother and son shared because you hadn’t birthed one. Her spiel devolved into a delusional, impassionate speech about how you and Eddie would never understand: her heart was breaking just thinking of her baby boy loving another woman other than herself, and how she couldn’t imagine how Eddie’s mother must have felt when you ‘stole her son away from her’.

You had to lay your hand across Eddie’s chest to prevent him from turning over the table at that comment, and with one last hateful look, April gathered up her child and left the café, slamming a ten-dollar bill on her untouched plate of mixed greens.

For a long time, both you and Eddie just stared after her retreating form.

“… Am I on glue or did that really just happen?” you ventured after a while.

“No… that sure did just happen,” Eddie replied, “That was definitely a real conversation, and it was batshit crazy.”

“I won’t know real love, until I have a son.” You repeated, looking at your baby.

Charlotte had her fist in her mouth, gnawing away at her chubby little fingers with her gums.

“So like… the whole high school sweethearts meeting, falling for one another during a gig at The Hideout, having insane amounts of sex, popping out a kid, moving into the trailer park together, and getting married… That’s not love?” you asked.

“Apparently not.” Eddie responded to your rhetorical question, “I guess your husband is just some dude who occasionally contributes sperm, and the kid is the true love? Mark that down as fucking gross.”

“… okay so you totally picked up on the weird Oedipus vibes from her right?” you quickly asked.

Eddie, still horrified, nodded.

“Oh, hell yeah I did.” He said, “That was definitely Oedipus Complex... you didn’t hear the banjos?”

“I was hoping I had misheard.” You admitted, giving a full body shudder.

The two of you stood, put a few crumpled bills on the table and flagged down a waiter to collect the tab, then began the long, awkward walk to the Gaucho. Both of you were still downright horrified at the turn the conversation took, wondering what sins you committed to get to this point.

“Um… so… Definitely blacklist April as a potential mom friend.” You said, pulling down the visor on Charlotte’s bassinette to protect her from the sun.

“Most definitely blacklisted, I don’t want to know what kind of screwed up family life she’s had leading up to that delusion.” Eddie said, pushing the stroller along the sidewalk, “And I don’t want to expose Charlie to it either.”

“Oh she totally grew up overshadowed by her brothers.” You said immediately, “That’s textbook Freud. And she probably still has all those residual mommy issues, plus a hell of an Elektra Complex.”

“One hundred percent.” Eddie said, “Deep-seated mommy daddy issues, and from the sounds of the first love comment, a dead bedroom.”

“Jesus H.” you laughed, covering your mouth while Eddie let out a dark giggle, “Oh my god… that’s kind of terrible.”

“It’s true!” he argued, “You can’t sit here and tell me she has a great marriage with comments like that!”

“Yeah but that’s gross to say!” you argued back, still unable to help the uncomfortable laughter.

“Trust me,” Eddie laughed, “I guarantee you she was rotting with jealousy. Especially when at the beginning she made comments like ‘It must be so nice that your husband babysits your daughter for you’.”

You shook your head, wrapping your arm around Eddie’s as you both began laughing and making hideous gagging sounds every time either one of you brought up April’s weird son complex.

“See this…” you said, waving your hand in a circle, “This encounter we just had, this is why the aliens won’t talk to us.”

“Amen to that, baby.” Eddie shuddered, “They lock the fucking doors when they drive by us because of ‘boy’ mothers like April Fucking Laurentis.”

[jedi-luca]

Avenger Lane Chapter 14: All My Lovin’

Summary: You and your wife Quinn move your family outside of New York City to Avenger Lane; a small private suburbia. There you face your toughest obstacle of your marriage. Will your marriage with Quinn be strong enough when a certain redheaded beauty captures your attention? 

Parings: Natasha Romanoff x GN!Reader

Warnings: Reader has a Penis

Previous Chapter

The following Monday you were taking Beth and the other kids to school for the weekly carpool when you came home to Quinn leaning against the counter.

“Y/N we need to talk.”

You nodded, setting your keys down. Before sitting at the table.

“I know I’ve made some horrible decisions, but I love you more than anything- besides our daughters of course… I don’t want a divorce, I want to work through this. Maybe find a couples counselor-“

“Quinn no-“

“Y/N I’m begging you to give us another chance.”

“This was our second chance! You wanted to work on your jealousy issues. So you moved us out of the city work an hour less everyday-“

“Y/N please. I’m being fair here.”

“Fair?! Are you fucking kidding me? Fair? You and your witch of a mother stole my chance at a full ride, and you cheated on me with Berry for God knows how long! Let’s not forget you acting like you were pregnant when your tubes were tied!”

“Like I said I made some horrible decisions but-“

“But what? This marriage is over. I’m going to move out, get my own place, take the job Tony offered me and we are divorcing. I do not want to be with you Quinn! The very thought of me still being with you sickens me!”

“Y/N I didn’t want to do this-“

“Do what?”

The doorbell rang and Quinn looked away as you made your way to the door.

“Quinn it’s your assistant-“

“I’m so sorry about this Y/N-“ the assistant handed you a document. “You’ve… been served.”

“What?!” Your neck nearly snapped looking over at Quinn as her assistant ran away. “You’re fucking serving me?!”

“It’s the only way! I need another chance-“

“So in order to get that you’re serving me?!”

“Y/N-“

“Get the fuck out of my face. I hate you!” You breathe out angrily.

“Y/n-“

“LEAVE QUINN!”

She nodded and quickly ran up to her study..

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“Quinnie, are you sure about this? Do you really think it’s wise to listen to mom? I mean she’s a big part of the reason you’re in this shit.” Frannie asked as she helped her sister make the guest bed in her home.

“I won’t lose Y/N.”

“Why would you wanna hurt them more by doing this? Y/N made it clear they want a divorce. You have done too much damage. Please for the kids sake just let Y/N have the divorce and go back to the city.”

“No! What do you not get!? Y/N is mine! I will not lose them!” Quinn shouted.

“Don’t shout… your niece is asleep in the other room.” Frannie grit. “You’re making a mistake.” 

“Frannie.” Quinn sighed, rubbing her head.

“Y/N said they hate you… hate. Quinn, that's the word they used. Y/N wants a divorce they do not want to be with you any longer.”

“They didn’t mean it. They were just angry.”

“Y/N wouldn’t just throw that word around. If you truly loved Y/N you would take your losses and leave before this gets uglier.”

“I can’t.” Quinn cried sitting down as Franny held her.

“If you love someone but they don’t love you then you’ve gotta let them go.”

Frannie knows Quinn has the worst parts of their parents. A pure evil mix of envy and bullheadedness. She knows her little sister will always stand in her own way through life. Especially now.

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A couple weeks later

Natasha could feel the bile rise in her throat seeing Quinn walk in with you.

“Natty!” Fin squealed, running straight to her.

“Hi sweetheart!” Natasha smiled lovingly at your daughter lifting her up in her arms.

“I misded you!” Finley squeezed her neck.

“I missed you too; so much.” Natasha cooed, rubbing her back softly. She leaned back a bit to get Finley’s attention.

“Are you excited to learn more today?”

“Yes!” She beamed.

“Good, why don’t you go ahead and put your shoes on.”

“Okay!” She cheered as Natasha set her back down. You let Quinn help her with her ballet shoes and walked towards the redhead.

“Hi.” You gulped.

“You’re- you’re back with her?” She asked folding her arms, her jaw clenching and unclenching. 

“No, God no… the judge said we needed to go through couples counseling. I wouldn’t say we’re back together. We just have to do this for bit and then I can legally divorce her.”

Natasha nodded, as she briefly looked down.

“I uh…made you this.” You handed Natasha a present.

She smiled while taking it from your hand.

“It’s just a frame I thought maybe you could commemorate your first class.”

She nodded looking at the wooden frame. She traced the words on the frame and looked up. “You made this?”

“Hmhm.”

“Thank you, Y/N, it’s beautiful.”

“You’re welcome.”

Her eyes are piecing and you can’t help but waiver beneath her gaze.

“I should; let you get to it then.”

“I miss you.” She said softly.

“I miss you too, so much.” You reply.

“You haven’t called me or texted me I thought you said we could keep talking at the very least.”

“I know I’m sorry I’ve been really struggling lately. She’s fucking draining me Nat.” Your voice wavered. 

“I’m here for you, Y/N-“ the redhead began until she was interrupted.

“Natasha?” Quinn interrupts as she steps beside you.

“Yes?” She asks with a heavy gulp.

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. You did not deserve that whatsoever. I understand if you hate me, but I just need you to know that, and to know how grateful I am for this class for Fin. I can’t wait to see her in the recital!”

Natasha nodded, crossing her arms.

“Hey sis!” Yelena walked up knowing her sister needed an and out as she pulled her close.

“Hey Yelena.” You smile stiffly feeling wildly uncomfortable.

“Y/N, good to see ya.” She smiles. “This must be the Cyka, I’ve been hearing all about. You’ve got a lot of gall coming in here.”

Quinn gaped, not understanding what was going on.

“We better get going.” You say nudging Quinn knowing she had about 5 seconds to get the hell out of there before the young blonde kicked her ass.

“Thanks again Nat.” You say and she nods in response.

“I know that hurt but you gotta be strong.” Yelena turns to her sister. Natasha nods and Yelena takes the bag from her and gives her a big bear hug before letting go.

Natasha clears her throat and chuckles seeing Finley dancing with the other kids.

“Okay class, who's ready to learn?!” Natasha beams.

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You waited patiently as the toddlers in the class said goodbye to Natasha leaving with their parents.

“Papa!” Finley beamed up as Yelena helped her take her ballerina shoes off. 

“Hey bubs, did you have fun?” You grin and she nods excitedly.

Natasha was trying to clean up when you began helping her.

“Thanks.” She said as you both finished up.

“Anytime.” You reply.

Yelena smirks as her sister just stares at you waiting to speak.

You looked away from Natasha’s captivating eyes before speaking. “Can we talk for a minute?”

She nods and you both walk to another empty room that seems to be the break room.

“I’m sorry about Quinn, she just really wanted to apologize. I told her don’t hold your breath.”

Natasha nodded slightly upset again. “Why Y/N?”

“I don’t know she’s seeing a psychiatrist now and-“

“No, why are you still with her? She’s hurt you in so many ways and you’re with her?”

“It’s not like that, I know it looks like, but if I don’t go to couples therapy I will lose the girls. Besides, it's court ordered.”

“She seriously took you to court?”

“Jen, did the best she could do but since Quinn’s father has political ties he managed to get the judge in her favor.”

“I thought you said she doesn’t talk to him?”

“I thought so too, I guess she’s more like her father than I give her credit for.”

“Did you tell your parents yet?”

“No.” You sighed. “I don’t want them to worry or get upset.”

“You need to tell them Y/N.” She raised her brow.

“I know.” You nod.

“How many appointments do you have left?”

“I’m not even half way yet.” You sighed.

She nodded sadly.

“But I’ve been working for Tony and he told me he might be able to help me out with the court as well.” You grin when you see her smile. “Quinn’s working from home now she’s taking care of the girls full time. So you’re looking at a working stiff now.”

“That’s really great Y/N.” She nods, still smiling.

“God, I miss you.” You can’t help but say and her smile fades.

“I miss you too. A lot.” She says sadly. “This is harder than I thought… being away from you.”

You caress her cheek and her green eyes flutter. You lean down kissing her softly. Natasha knows she shouldn’t kiss you back but she’s missed you and she can’t help but pull you in letting the kiss deepen.

You find the strength to not let it go further and respect her boundaries. Your foreheads stay touching as you both cool down and you can feel her breath against your skin.

“I’m leaving for Japan soon with Tony for a few days and then we’re back in NYC.”

“Wow. I haven’t been to Japan in a long time.” She chuckled.

“I’d beg you to come with me but I know… you’ve got the studio and well I’ve got my mess.” You smile sadly and she hugs you tightly. “Do you want anything from there?”

“I’ll send you a list.” She says making you laugh.

“Alright.” You kiss the top of her head.

“So I won’t be seeing you these next few lessons with Finley?”

“No… but don’t worry I asked Wanda if she could bring Fin and of course she said yes.”

“Thank you.” She replied.

“Of course.”

“If everything goes to plan the recital will be right before Thanksgiving. You’ll be there right?” 

“Front and center.” You grin.

She leans up kissing you once more. “Come on.” She sighs against your lips.

You both walk back to her studio.

“Hey Y/N we’re all having Thanksgiving at the Barton’s if you wanna join?” Yelena grinned as Finley climbed on her thighs.

“We’re actually going back to Lima for Thanksgiving. We usually have Finn’s memorial around the same time.”

“Papa, can Lena and Natty come with us to visit popo and GG?”

“I would love to, Finny, but Natty and I have to stay here.”

“Awwww.” Finley sighed sadly.

“But we’ll see each other when you get back.” Lena smiled. “Plus you’re not even leaving yet but we still have lots and lots of practicing to do.”

“Oh well when I do get back will you take me to the slide?” Finley giggled as she spun around with Yelenas help.

“Yes bug we will go to the slide.” Yelena smiles.

“And the swings?” 

“And the swings.” 

“Then ice cream?” 

“It’ll be too cold for ice cream, are you crazy?” Yelena chuckled, lifting up your giggle monster. “What are you Russian?”

“I think I’ve been traded for a younger Romanoff model.” Natasha chuckled.

“Nah, that’s not true. Right Fin? You love Natty?”

“I love Natttty!” She yelled giggling as Yelena tickled her as she tried to run to Natasha.

Natasha lifted her up holding her tight. “I love you too Finny.”

“Muah!” Your toddler leaned back kissing Natasha on the cheek. “You’re my favorite Natty.” Fin whispered in her ear.

Natasha felt her heart warm as she whispered back. “You’re mine too.”

“It’s time to go kiddo.”

“Awwww, I don wanna leave Natty.”

“I know you don’t.” You say as you take her from Natasha’s arms. “Trust me I don't want to either.” you mutter low enough for Natasha to hear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Fin.” the redhead smiles lovingly.

“Oookay.” She sighed holding Natasha’s fingers. “Bye Lena, love you!” She said from your arms.

“Bye bug, love you, I'll see you at the same time tomorrow.” Yelena smiled.

“I meant what I said we’re going to happen, Nat. I promise you.” You say softly as you hold her hand that holds your daughters.

She nods giving you an unspoken look that you just know means she really wants to kiss you. So instead you lean down and kiss her cheek. She nods, kissing your cheek in return as well as Fin’s who giggles in response.

“I’ll see you again soon. Bye Lena.” 

“Bye Y/N.”

With that you walked out with Finley in your arms.

“You okay?” 

“I don’t know, maybe? I’d be better if Y/N wasn’t around that wretched woman and was with me instead.”

“It’ll happen. I just know it.”

“How?” Natasha deflated against her sister.

“Because of the way Y/N looks at you. Like you’re the sun after a thunderstorm. Come on, let's close up get some bad take out and binge watch something funny like Parks and Rec.”

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It’s been a few days since you left for Japan. When you sent Natasha a text.

She giggled at a video of you racing Tony on a Mario Kart.

You sent her videos of you trying foods and grabbing everything off her list that she wanted. Texts of your days and how much you miss her.

She spent her days thinking about you and in the studio with her pupils. That’s it, days passed by in heartache by not having you there, but you always checked in. You always told her the same thing. 

‘I miss you.’ 

God did she miss you too. The only thing she had of you was your hoodie and being able to see your daughter in every lesson. She counted down the days until the recital when she could see you again.

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As for you, your days were stressful. It was definitely a struggle trying to be a parent and work a full time job. You loved your work though it was the only thing that made your days better besides your kids. It keeps your mind occupied.

The couples therapy turned into individual therapy sessions. 

“So Y/N, how has the week been since the last time I had you and Quinn in?”

“I’m in love with Natasha.” You say bluntly.

“The neighbor that’s become a close friend? The one Quinn is afraid of?”

You nodded.

“Well, tell me more. How long have you had these feelings?”

“I think I’ve had them for a while now but I didn’t notice until we’ve been apart. I’ve been with Quinn since high school. I never cheated, not once. I’ve had women fall for me, and I never felt anything for them.”

“Until now.”

“Until now.” You nod in agreement.

“Do you even love Quinn anymore?”

You sighed, rubbing your head. 

“Remember our conversations stay between us. I do not discuss anything with Quinn and vice versa. Now think about that question again and tell me how you feel.”

“I don’t love her anymore. She’s ruined all the trust I had in her. I thought maybe if I just-“ you began tearing up trying not to let your voice crack. “I just thought that if I tried, maybe I could love her again, especially for the girls, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m starting to hate her and resent her and I don’t want to feel that way for the mother of my children.”

“That’s completely understandable Y/N. Thank you for sharing. I know that was hard.” She said handing you the tissue box.

“Now tell me how Natasha makes you feel.”

“She makes me happy, and I don’t feel like I’m ever walking on eggshells with her. She’s been there for me through everything.”

“Are you having an affair with her?”

“No, we agreed we’d wait for my divorce.”

“So she does feel the same way?”

You looked your therapist in the eyes before nodding. “Yes”

“Does she know you love her?”

“I haven’t told her.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“I’m kind of scared.”

“Why's that? You and Quinn seem to be done. You may need a divorce or separation which leaves you single.”

“She makes me want to go out and buy her a ring, and I’m in the middle of a divorce.”

“It’s always scary when feelings develop. Especially in the middle of separation or divorce.”

“I know she’d never hurt me, but it’s still daunting.” 

“Who? Natasha?”

You nod fiddling with your hands. “She just radiates love and kindness. I’d trust her with my life and with my daughters' lives.”

“Have you two kept in contact?” Agatha asks.

“We have but just through texts really. Work and the kids have been keeping me pretty busy.”

“Right, Quinn is staying home with the kids now.”

“Yes.”

“How has that been?” 

“Good I think.”

“Is that what she tells you?”

“We don’t really talk too much. When we do it’s when the kids are around.”

Agatha nods jotting down a note from Quinn’s perspective; it has not been going well. She’s been struggling with being at home and taking on your old role. Fin needs constant attention and Beth’s grades are dropping and she’s been getting in more trouble at school. Apparently she hasn’t shared that with you.

“Do you miss being home with the girls?”

“Sometimes but I love my job too so it’s tough.” You chuckled. 

“When the divorce is final how will you juggle the girls?”

“Stark Industries has a daycare in the office so I can have Fin with me, and Beth is good friends with the bosses daughter and the kids on the block so I won’t have to worry too much about carpool.”

Agatha nodded, writing out her notes.

“Where do you think you’ll live?”

“Well I have a few options.” You say.

Agatha nodded for you to continue.

“There's a house for sale a block away from Avenger Lane on Midnight Sun street. That way Beth is still close to her mother and the school.” You opted out on announcing the possibility of moving in with Natasha.

“That’s great.” She nods jotting down a note once again. “Have you thought about custody yet?”

“Of course and I would love for us to trade off weeks.”

“What if Beth doesn’t want to do that?” Agatha asks.

You gulp sitting up a bit. “Well then she can stay with her mother and visit with me when she’s ready.”

Agatha nods and looks up at the clock.

“Well that’s all for today. It was good to see you this morning.”

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Recital night

“Hey, Finley, your Papa is gonna have dinner with us tonight after she comes to your ballet recital. Are you excited?”

“Yeah!” Finley cheered.

“Let’s call her.”

“Hey, I was just about to call you.” She hears you say.

“Hey, are you close?”

“I am still in Manhattan, actually.” You sighed.

“What?” She hissed.

“It’s insane. The secretary of state got cold feet, so I’m stuck here trying to keep him on board.”

“I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren’t gonna make it.”

“Quinn, I couldn’t get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call.”

“I want Papa!”

“You’re gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy’s gonna record it. So we’ll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Q?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone?”

“Yes, Y/N, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something.” She furrowed her brows and scoffed.

“Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you’re not the best with technology.”

“I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we’re getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, ‘Bye, Daddy.’”

“Bye, Daddy.”

“Bye…Yep. See, you’ve still got to press End, Q”

“Press “End.” Finley repeated.

You sighed, rubbing your temples before checking your phone. 

Notification 

‘1 bouquet delivered to…’

You sighed at least they made it to her. You really wanted to be there tonight.

“Hey bud.” Tony said softly, noticing your sullen expression. “I’m sorry you’re missing it too Y/N.” He sighed. “If it helps, Pepper just gave me hell.”

“It’s her first recital. I just hope she doesn’t hold it against me one day.” 

“Of course she won’t. Come on, let's try again.” Tony sighed.

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“Who are they from?” Yelena smirked; but fell when Natasha’s smile faltered.

“It’s Y/N, can’t make it tonight after all.” She felt her heart squeeze. 

Yelena snatched the card out of her hands and began reading aloud.

Nat,

I’m sorry I’m not the one handing these to you, and telling you myself just how proud I am of you. You don’t understand how upset I am right now that I won’t be there tonight. I hope I can find a way to make it up to you and Finley. Good luck and break a leg! I know it’ll go off without a hitch. 

I’m sorry that I’m not there,

From Y/N with love

“Wow.” Yelena hummed, setting the card back in the bouquet.

“What?” Natasha asked as she finished applying her lipstick.

“I mean Y/N still missed it, but now you know how much Y/N wanted to be here. Also the flowers they’re Peonies. Like that old Greek tale about Apollo. I’m just saying they actually put forth the thought and effort. Also Y/N ended it with ‘from Y/N with love’.”

“And?”

“And that means they are in love with you.”

“Y/N and I haven’t said that to each other yet.”

“Сестра, ты влюблен в нее, не так ли?” (Sister, you’re in love with them aren’t you?)

Natasha stared at the card you sent.

“Yes… I’m absolutely irrefutably in love with Y/N.”

“Don’t look so sad. It’ll happen, I know it will.”

Natasha nods and smiles in return to her enthusiastic sister.

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Even though you weren’t there, the recital went on without a hitch, or so she thought. After everyone left she walked out to find her car had died but luckily your ex wife was still in the parking lot.

Quinn and Natasha drove in an awkward silence when you called.

“Hey.” Quinn smiled while answering the phone.

“Hey.” You sighed.

“So, how’s it going?”

“We lost the Secretary. I have no idea what happened. It’s like everything I did, he just wouldn’t go for it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Quinn said suddenly wishing she hadn’t answered the call with the redhead sitting next to her and her daughters in the back asleep.

“I have no idea where we’re gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I feel like you’ve already been working insanely hard.”

“Can you figure out how to upload Finley’s dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up.” You sighed; Natasha’s heart aches she could hear the exhaustion in your voice. 

“Um, actually, funny story — I didn’t get it. I shouldn’t have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all.” Quinn chuckled but stopped when she noticed the silence over the line. “Y/N?” She called out.

“You’re not serious, are you? You didn’t get any of the recital?”

Natasha bit her lip looking out the window. This was something she knew you had been so excited for. So the anger in your voice for having missed it was no surprise, but this fight she was about to witness was.

“No, I got Natasha introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part… Speaking of Natasha-“

“Come on, Quinn.” You sighed before asserting your tone. “Quinn, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. Nat had said she could have gotten one and I told her you would get it.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were recording it.” Quinn shook her head. She dropped the ball.

The two women jumped hearing the sound of your fist banging against something.

“Oh, great. So we’ll see somebody else’s kid with Fin in the background? I mean, it’s really not that hard to film a fucking video, Quinn.” 

Quinn let out a small puff of air. “Is there– um… you want to ease up a little bit? That was pretty harsh. I’m still your wife Y/N.” She inhaled, really wanting to cry.

“Listen, Quinn, I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It’s gone. That moment is just gone. I missed it.”

Your wife scoffed at you causing you to ball up your fist.

“Oh I don’t know, Y/N — maybe you should have been here.”

“You’re not serious, right? Wow. I mean, how is that fair!? I’m in NYC. These are my days in New York. You’ve agreed to this. What? Now you know what it feels like and you hate it?

Natasha looked over with her peripheral seeing Quinn wipe her eyes.

“You know what? I– I– I don’t think you want to start a conversation with me about what’s fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever thought it would! Beth—“

“Quinn, I’m not explaining this to you– Quinn, I’m not going over this again. I stayed home and took care of our daughters for years and not once did I complain.” You all but growled. “You owe me this much and you know it.”

“Y/N. I need you.” Tony called out.

“Okay Tony give me a minute… I don’t know how else to tell you, okay? I’m doing everything I can every week to bring home-”

“I am– I am– I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want. I’m working from home and I’m putting in half my hours-”

“I’m doing this just for me? Is that what I’m doing? I’m doing it just for me?! If that’s what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay?”

“Of course you do.” Quinn muttered.

“Hey come on. We’ll put a pin in this for now and we’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Yep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Quinn’s voice was strained.

“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” You sighed.

“Bye.” She squeaked out. 

Quinn pulled into her driveway when Natasha spoke up. 

“Wanda, had her brother have a video of the entire recital. I’ll have her email it to you.”

“Thank you.” Quinn whispered.

“Y/N is just having a bad day and took it out on you. Give them some time.” Natasha explained. 

Quinn chuckled before nodding.

“Thanks for the ride home.” The redhead said softly before turning to open the door only to have Quinn take her hand.

“Thank you Natasha for everything. I treated you like shit just because I was convinced you were in love with Y/N and would somehow steal them away. But I know now you’re just a good friend to Y/N and I need to respect that. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

Natasha felt taken aback. Quinn looked so… sad. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“Of course and don’t worry about it.” She gulped down the feeling of guilt. Because she totally is in love with you, and soon you’ll be together again.

They both got out of the car. Natasha walked to her home as Quinn got Finley up and out of her car seat and gently woke Beth.

Natasha stepped in her home going through her nightly routine. After asking Clint to help her with her car tomorrow she laid down when her phone rang. She furrowed her brows. It was you.

“Y/N?” She answered.

“Hey.” You sounded tired but your tone was different than it was when you had spoken with Quinn. It wasn't irate and angry. It was tired but also tender.

“How are you?”

“Ah, I've had better nights.” You sounded like you were stretching.

“What’s wrong?” She asked as if she didn’t just hear you arguing with your wife.

“I just…” you sighed tiredly rubbing your face. “Nat, do you think me working for Tony is a mistake?”

“What? What do you mean? This is your dream Y/N.” She furrowed her brows sitting up.

“I missed my daughter's first ballet recital, and I missed your debut. I’m so sorry. I wanted to be there so bad Nat you have to believe me. I-“

“Hey.” She said softly before you went down a spiral of self loathing. “It’s okay! There’s going to be so many more, and it’s on video so you can still see it.” 

“I know I let you down.”

“I'll admit I was upset you weren’t there. I just miss you baby, and you promised.”

“I know. I feel sick about it.”

“Well don’t it’s okay I forgive you. I know you wanted to be here. I know you did.”

“So badly.” She hears you lay down. “I- I got in a fight with Quinn about it.” You admit.

“What happened?”

“Now looking back on it I shouldn’t have been so upset with her.” You sighed. “I spoke with her this morning about this meeting Tony and I had with The Secretary of State. Nat this meeting was extremely important. Something happened in the meeting and well the United States is no longer wanting to back Stark Industries. I lost it. Tony lost it. We couldn’t leave. I spent all day in crisis mode and in and out of meetings…. I was so angry that I missed tonight and I may have taken it out on her a bit. I just wanted to see Finley ya know. That was it when I called her tonight. That was all I wanted and she somehow didn’t video Finley. My daughter's first recital was gone. Well not now that I just watched the video, but in that moment I wasn’t thinking and I got so upset with her. I shouldn’t have.” At this point you’re crying a little bit and you’re really trying not too but Nat can tell. “She made a mistake, and she’s been so good too. I’m such an asshole!”

“Y/N you are not an asshole.” She said softly. “You’re stressed, and you’re still hurt by what she did to you. She stole your dream away, lied and cheated. She even served you. If anything I think it would be a little weird if you weren’t upset with her. As for your question in the beginning, no I don’t think you working with Tony is a mistake. You told me this has always been your dream. That unfortunately got taken away from you, but by the grace of Thor-“

You chuckled, wiping your tears.

“-you met Tony and here you are. That’s not a mistake. That’s fate… As for the Secretary, go to him first thing in the morning. You can get him back. I know you can. If you can sell Finley her peas. You can sell tech to that old man.”

You chuckled.

“God, I miss you.” You found yourself saying.

Her breath hitched before smiling softly. “I miss you too baby, I got your flowers by the way. They’re beautiful.” She says softly as she studies them on her nightstand.

“I’m glad you like them.” You said softly you drove yourself mad going through a list of flowers to pick. It had to be perfect. “I still wish I had been able to give them to you in person.”

“Did you pick them?” Natasha asks you after a beat. “I mean I know they were delivered obviously, but did you?” She’s waiting with bated breath for you to answer. She knew it had to be a yes she just knew it. You loved gardening, you know flowers maybe not as much as growing vegetables and fruits, but you knew flowers. Especially since Quinn let it slip that the first time you ever got her flowers was when you were both hiding your relationship. You were 15 and you knew what Gardenias meant. You have to know the story of the flower.

“I did.” You said softly.

Natasha’s breath hitched you picked them for her. You picked a flower that means love and romance and of course Goodwill.

“Did you ever hear the story of Paeonia?”

‘Yes.’ You wanted to say.

“Tell me about it.” You say instead.

“Well the story goes to say that Apollo fell for a Nymph named Paeonia. Apollo found her more beautiful than Aphrodite. Unfortunately for Paeonia, this rubbed Aphrodite the wrong way. She flew into a jealousy-fueled rage. Feeling vengeful, she turned Paeonia into a red peony.”

“Apollo was quite the ladies man.” You chuckled.

“That he was.” Natasha chuckled; she knew she shouldn’t be wondering this but she couldn’t help herself. 

“So… how was the recital Nat?” 

“It was pretty amazing.” She gushed.

“I saw it. It was fantastic! Tell me all about it.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“Nah.” You smiled, closing your eyes.

“Lies, you just want me to bore you to sleep.” She chuckled.

“Bore? Pshhhh! You could never bore me, Natalia Romanoff.” You chuckled. Her voice could easily lure you to sleep but you could never find her boring.

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You snapped awake, your phone blaring. You blinked a few times at the device. Still half asleep. Your eyes widened realizing you and Natasha never actually hung up the phone. You both must have fallen asleep. It’s your wife calling. 

You hesitantly end the phone call with Natasha and answer Quinn.

“Morning.” You croak out having to clear your throat.

“Are you coming back home so we can leave for Lima?”

You were really trying to forgive Quinn, but deep down you weren’t ready to yet.

“Yes, I just have a meeting here in an hour.”

“Okay.” 

The call ended and you and Tony had your meeting. You worked your magic, and remembered Natasha’s encouraging words. Even Tony was in wonderment as you spoke to the Secretary of State, but by the end of your speech they agreed and signed the contract.

And you and Tony shared a bottle of champagne on the way back home.

“I’m proud of you kid.”

“Thanks Tony.”

“I know you missed Finley’s recital and Natasha’s debut. Just remember that it does come with the job. It’s unfortunate it is but we just signed a very big fucking deal and you fucking did it. Not only that but your building your children’s futures. They will understand when they’re holding their diplomas in their hands and realizing how hard you worked to get them there.”

You nodded as you both toasted.

“How’s the divorce going?”

“Not good. She won’t fucking sign the papers Tony, and she fucking served me.” You huffed downing the flute. Tony refilled it.

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of it. You need to tell your dad what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to worry him.”

“I can understand that but he deserves to know. It would break my heart to know my kid was going through this alone and I didn’t know. You said you’re leaving for Lima today tell them, and what about Nat?”

“What about her?”

“Does she know you’ve been served?”

“No but I’ll tell her.” You sighed.

“It’s important she knows too. I know you two love each other. You can see it written on your face from fucking space.” He laughed.

“I haven’t told her yet… I want to be divorced first.”

“I get that it’s honorable.” He nodded.

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Once you get back home you rush towards Natasha’s home knocking.

“Y/N.” She says in surprise, bringing you inside.

You hug her tightly. It's been so long since you held her.

“How long are you leaving this time?” She mumbled against your chest.

“About a week. Taking the kids to see my parents back in Lima and we usually have Finn’s memorial as well around this time.”

“Have you…” she clears her throat. “Have you told your parents yet?

“I don’t know if I should yet. I'm pretty torn.”

“Well, do you plan on staying with her?” She asked, stepping back, her eyes hardened.

“No… you know I don’t.” You say stepping closer trying to take her hand only for her to smack it away.

“Then you need to tell them.” She raised her brow.

“I’m just worried-“

“Your parents are grown ups Y/N they handled a teen pregnancy they can handle this.”

You purse your lips and nod. “I’ll tell them.”

She nods, feeling apprehensive.

“Hey come on, Nat, don’t do that, I will, I promise you, I will.” You say taking her hands.

“Okay.” She nods.

“Come here.” You say bringing her in a hug.

Natasha squeezes you tight, breathing you in and so do you.

“I meant to give you this last night after your debut.” You said pulling out a small jewelry box. You opened it revealing a golden diamond tennis bracelet.

“Y/N.” Natasha closed the box.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“This just feels… wrong.”

“Wrong? How?” You frowned.

“It just feels like you’re… you’re trying to buy my forgiveness.”

“I guess it does seem that way, but it’s not meant to be. I was supposed to be there for you and Fin last night. I had it all planned.” You sighed sitting against the shoulder of her sofa. “I was going to bring Finley and give her some chocolate flowers and you the flowers I had sent and this bracelet I found in Tokyo.”

Natasha walked over between your legs. “I don’t need anything I just want you, I keep telling you that.” She says softly.

“This is just my love language, Nat, I do acts of service and give gifts when I’m away from people I care about for a long time.” You explain. “This bracelet isn’t me buying your forgiveness. If that’s how you feel then I’ll keep it.”

She shook her head and placed her hand on your heart. “No it’s okay it’s just I’ve never had someone who's gotten me things and made acts of service for me. I’m not used to it.” 

“I probably shouldn’t have gotten something so…” You nod looking away from her eyes feeling foolish.

“It’s beautiful.” She says softly, turning you by the chin. She kisses you and your hands grip her hips. She whimpers letting her fingers peek in between the buttons of your dress shirt.

“Hmm.” You hum taking her bottom lip in between teeth. “I miss you baby.” 

“I miss you too.” She says kissing you again letting her tongue meet yours.

Her negligee is thin and her robe is undone you can feel her thigh against you.

Your kiss is turning a little heated and sloppy teeth are beginning to clash and you feel the heat of her breath against your skin.

She presses her hands against your chest and lays her forehead against yours. “God this is so hard not being with you.” She whispers.

“I know. I just need a little more time and I promise I’ll be yours.” You stand and hold her close. “You were right by the way. I got the Secretary to sign.”

“I knew you would.” She smiled up at you.

Her hand makes its way down, and you raise your brows. She rolled her eyes and took out the new box.

“Put it on me.” She says.

You open it and take the bracelet from its silky cushion and place it around her wrist. You kiss her hand and say:

“I’m gonna miss you.” You say.

“I’m gonna miss you more.” She replies with a sniffle.

“Not a chance.” You say making her laugh.

You kiss her one more time she hums. Her hand going beneath your coat to rest against your heart. The diamonds twinkle beneath the morning sun.

“I have to go. Our flight leaves soon.”

She nods and kisses you softly as you hold her.

“I’ll see you soon.” 

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“Thanks again for picking us up from the airport Frankie.” Quinn says from the backseat.

“Yeah thanks dad.”

“Thanks poppop.” Beth smiles from her switch.

“Tanks popo.”

“Oh of course!” Frankie smiles in the rear view mirror. 

“Y/N how’s Nat doing?”

“Good she just opened up a ballet studio. Fin is her student!”

“Oh well that’s fantastic, good for her! Beth, you don’t wanna learn Ballet?”

“I am; just from mom.” She replied back.

“Bonding time is always nice.” Frankie nodded feeling it was a sensitive subject.

“Where’s mom? At home?” You asked, changing the subject.

“Of course just making your favorite.” He chuckled.

“Popo?”

“Yes Fin?” Your dad smiled through the rearview mirror.

“Wanna see me dance?”

“Yes honey when we get home you can show me and GG!”

“Yayyyyyyy!” Finley cheered.

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“Mom.” You sighed practically falling in her strong arms. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Your mom couldn’t help but cry holding you tight for just a minute longer before letting you go to see you. “Oh baby you look tired and have you been eating? Come inside!” She pushed you inside towards the kitchen before turning and giving Beth a hug.

“Hi GG!” Beth smiled hugging her close.

“Oh Bethy your getting so big please stop!” Sophia sniffled before letting her go as Finley ran towards her dropping her backpack on the grass for her popo to pick up.

“GG!!!!!” She squealed, running towards your mother jumping in her arms.

“Mi Reina!” Your mother cooed, rocking her side to side.

Quinn gulped feeling guilt ridden as Sophia smiled at her. “Hello, Quinn.” She hugged her and Quinn hugged back feeling like she was going to just break down in tears.

“Come on inside, it's time to eat.”

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You could feel your parents doing that thing where they telepathically communicate and stare at you.

“Papa, this is my favorite too!” Finley smiled as she chewed looking up at you.

Your parents chuckled and your mom leaned over kissing Fin’s cheek.

“When’s Finn’s memorial?” You dad asks.

“Probably Friday.” You nod.

“I ran into his mother the other day. She and Burt are doing well.”

“That’s good.” Quinn speaks up.

“I still can’t believe he’s gone. He’d show up everyday just to play with you.” Sophia smiled sadly.

“Uncle Finn?” Beth asked looking up.

“Hmhm, two peas in a pod; three of you really if you count Mikey.” Sophia chuckled.

“I was always happy you had two best friends.” Your dad smiled. “A classic friendship and plenty of memories.”

“What was the funniest thing that they did?” Beth asked.

“Well let’s see.” Your dad looked deep in thought when your mother chuckled and leaned over.

“Oh God, don't give her any ideas please.” You groaned.

“Once they learned an entire Backstreet Boys dance and showed off to that cute little girl what was her name? Gabrielle?”

“Avery.” Quinn muttered.

“That’s the one!” Your mom laughed.

“Or the time you sent that kid all the way to LA.” Your raised his brow.

“Wait what?!” Beth giggled.

“Your papa was a tyrant.” Your mom smirked.

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“I’m gonna go visit my mother for a bit.” Quinn speaks softly.

You nod not looking at her. 

“Baby please look at me.” She sniffles, placing her hands on your cheeks.

“Don’t call me that.” You respond by taking her hands off of you.

“There was a time where you loved me and couldn’t keep your hands off me. Why can’t we just go back? Start over?”

“You know why Quinn.” You say stepping away and sitting down on your old computer chair.

“Y/N we’ve been together since high school. We have Beth and Finley. Our friends. Please I’m begging you-“

“You need to understand that I do not love you anymore. The thought of us together makes me sick. We are over. We’ve been over for so long. You just didn’t want to admit it. That’s why you snuck around.”

“I made some stupid decisions, but you were never one of them. I love you Y/N I always have and I always will.”

You looked away.

Quinn sighs in defeat before leaving the house.

You make your way back downstairs when you see your parents sitting in the living room.

“So? You're gonna tell us what’s wrong?” Your dad asked, setting his newspaper down as you mom sat on the arm of his chair.

You rubbed your face, the jig is up, they always know when something is wrong. Natasha’s face comes to mind.

“Get it off your shoulders Y/N.” Your mom whispered.

“Quinn and I are separated.” You say softly.

Your parents nod understanding as they look at one another.

“What happened?”

“You’re going to be very upset.” You say trying not to cry.

“What have I always said to you about that?” Your dad responds.

“We’ve had a rocky year. We purposely moved out of the city to help our relationship but it’s only gotten worse. I found that she cheated on me, got her tubes tied then tried to untie them, but worse she and her mother…”

“What did that bitch do?” Your mother all but growls.

“She’s the reason I didn’t get into MIT. She took my letter and declined it before I could see it.” You sniffle.

“I’m gonna kill her!” Your mother stands rushing to the closet.

“Sophia!” Your dad runs after her just as she grabbed your old metal bat. “No honey no!” Your dad said, trying to take it from her.

“She ruined our baby’s college career Frankie!” 

“I understand you’re upset so am I and I’m sure our baby is too, but she’s a Fabray if you just go there guns blazing you will end up in jail. No, we have to be cunning. We have to be smart. This isn’t checkers hun this is chess.” 

Your mom finally lets go and your father places it back in the closet and goes over to the bar to make your mother a drink.

“Y/N do you have a lawyer.”

“Yes but she served me our last court day she got the judge to give us court ordered couples therapy to prolong the divorce.”

“That’s okay we can use the therapy to our advantage and we can serve them. What she did is a felony.”

“I don’t want this to get uglier dad.”

“It already is Y/N.”

“No one hurts our family and gets away with it.” Your mother raised her brow laying a hand on Frankie’s shoulder.

“Alright so this is what you’re gonna do Y/N.” Your father begins.

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After following your fathers instructions you sat down next to him as your mother played with the girls..

“Despite all of this bad news I did find some good.”

“Oh? Is that Natasha?”

“Well yes but Tony was the one that found out about MIT he had Nat tell me… He also gave me a job. I’ve been working with him for the past few weeks.”

“Really?” Your dad asked, raising his brows as you nodded. “Y/N that’s great.” He smiled

“Dad, I'm kind of scared. The Fabrays have never been one to play.”

“I promise you the plan will work.”

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“Thank you for dinner, this is just absolutely delicious.” Your mother smiled villainously.

“Oh I’m glad you like it Sophia you’ll have to come again sometime.” Judy smiles. “By the way, where are the girls?”

“They’re with Santana and Brittany.” You responded.

“Oh okay.” Judy said sadly when the doorbell suddenly rang.

“Mind if I grab a drink?” Sophia asks.

“Oh yes of course. Let me see who's at the door.”

Judy stood walking to the door.

“You should go with your mother.” You nodded towards Quinn.

“Mom, what's going on.”

“Oh great two birds one stone. Quinn and Judy Fabray?” The courier asked.

“Yes?”

“You’ve been served.” 

“Wait what?! There must be some kind of mistake!”

“Oh no it was deliberate just like how you stole my child’s chance at MIT.” Sophia spoke walking up to Judy with you and Frankie in tow. 

“Sophia I-“

“Shush now honey, you’ll let the flies in. Just save it for the judge.”

“We’ll see you both in court.” Your father gruffs.

“Y/N-“ Quinn begins.

“It’s best if you stay here.”

“Y/N please!” Quinn pleaded but it was too late you had already slammed the door shut.

“I told you over and over again not to listen to mom. You both are fucking unbelievable.” With that Frannie grabbed her things and left the Fabray mansion.

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It was late in the night the girls were sound asleep and it was just you and your parents.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner sweetheart?” Your mom asks taking your hand across the table.

“I just wanted to try and handle it on my own and not worry you guys. I just didn’t want to disappoint you again.”

“We’ve told you time and time again.” Your parents sighed, shaking they’re heads.

“I know, I know.” You sighed rubbing your temple. “There’s something else you should know. A month ago I realized maybe Quinn wasn’t too far off about me having feelings about Natasha. We’ve gotten closer and well I’m in love with her, but you have to know I didn’t leave Quinn for her. That’s not how any of this happened.”

You parents nodded, taking it all in.

“So you love her huh?” Your dad asked.

“I do… I kind of figured it out a while back, but we never did anything, just stayed friends of course. Then when I left Quinn and I stayed with Nat. It was the last night I stayed there but we slept together. We knew we probably should’ve waited at least until the divorce is final, and we had that discussion we’re waiting to be together once this is over. I probably shouldn’t have even told you that part but it’s important because…” you reached into your pocket taking out a box.

Your mom gasped.

“I love her so much and this time apart has only proved that I wanna spend the rest of my days with her. I know it’s soon but I honestly have given it a lot of thought. She means so much to me.”

“So you fell in love with Natasha and now you want to marry her.” Your dad chuckled.

And your mom looked at him wondering what he was thinking.

“You know if we hadn't met her, I probably would have thought you were acting childish, but she was a beautiful and sweet woman. Your mom and I fell in love with her instantly.”

Your mom looked almost relieved at his answer.

“We just want you to be happy.” Your mom replied. 

“Is it pretty fast? Yeah.” Your dad laughed. “But if she makes you happy, actually happy then lock her down.”

Your mom laughed, kissing his cheek and you wiped your tears.

“Let me see it.” Your mom beamed as you handed the the ring.

“Wow.” Your parents gasped.

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“Thanks again for watching the girls.”

“Of course.” Your mom smiled, squeezing Beth as they made dinner.

“Don’t worry we’ve got them. Go on to Finn’s memorial.” Your dad waved you off.

You nodded, grabbing your keys and pecking parents as well as your daughter's cheeks. “I love you all I won’t be back too too late.”

Your dad smirked as you walked out.

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You were the first one to walk into the old choir room seeing some things have changed. You could practically see your old silhouettes dancing and singing. 

Your turned hearing footsteps. Mercedes, Sam, Tina, Mike, Artie, Kurt, Blaine, Santana, and Brittany all came in.

“What a nerd, always on time.” Santana snickered, giving you a hug.

“We may have been gossiping about you.” Mike cringed feeling Santana smack his shoulder.

“They just gave us a heads up.” Tina frowned.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Mercedes frowned, giving you a hug.

“It’s okay guys really.” You sighed.

“Do you think they’re going to show up?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know, I mean, I won’t be upset if they do. This is for Finn, not me.” You shrug.

“You’re bigger than me.” Santana scoffed.

“Hmhm.” Mercedes nodded her head.

“I served her and Judy yesterday.”

“Pause. What!?” Santana raised her hand.

“I have a feeling she’ll sign in a few days.” You say.

“Oh for sure the Fabrays hate a bad image.” Santana huffed.

“Soooo how’s it going with a certain redhead?” Mike raised his brows.

“Ohhh I knew it!” Santana crouched down fist pumping.

“Noooo! You and the ex model?!” Mercedes gasped.

“Natasha?!” Kurt gasped, falling in Blaine’s arms.

“Alright take it easy.” You muttered.

“Dude nice!” Sam nodded.

“So what’s going on with that?” Tina asked.

“Well… when I left Quinn I stayed with Nat and well the last night I stayed with her….” You nodded.

“Woooow.” Brittany muttered. 

“It just sort of happened, and I don’t know I’ve been having these feelings for her and that week really solidified everything for me.”

“So you two are together?” Mike asked.

“We’re waiting.” You shook your head.

“Why?!” Santana scoffed.

“We wanna wait until Quinn and I are divorced.”

“Damn, she must really love you to deal with Quinn’s crazy ass.” Artie commented.

“Ohhh yeah Artie you were right by the way.”

“I’m always right… but about what?” He kinked his brow.

“Steve is gay. He and Bucky are together.”

“I fucking called it.” Artie smirked, wheeling away.

You smiled to yourself, you turned towards Kurt and Blaine. “You alright there Kurt?”

“I’m just so happy.” He cried, dabbing his eyes as Blaine fanned him. “Steve’s gay and you’ve snagged Natasha.”

“She’s such a class act and absolutely gorgeous we’re so happy for you Y/N.” Blaine smiled.

“Thank you.” You said softly before snapping a quick pic of the scene before you and sending it to Natasha with the caption.

McKinley’s resident Diva finding out about us.

Nat: That’s hilarious 😆 Also you told them?

You: I did… is that okay?

Nat: more than okay 🥹😚❤️‍🔥

You: 😊🥰😚

“Do you guys think Shue is coming?” Sam asked.

“Ew I hope not.” Brittany cringed.

“Sorry we’re late guys.” 

You all turn around seeing Quinn and Rachel walk in. Quinn’s nose was a pink hue and bags are now puffy from crying.

“I was thinking we could stick to what we have been doing every year? Everyone who wants to sing can sing and maybe we can end with a group song?” Rachel gulped feeling daggers at her face. 

“Okay maybe we should all clear the air first? Then make this about Finn?”

“No we need to focus on Finn I don’t think you wanna hear what we have to say.” Mike grit.

“Well Michael, I think it’s best to clear the air.” Rachel doubled down.

“Oh no honey there’s nothing to clear. We know what’s going on.” Mercedes scoffed.

“Guys please I know you’re angry with me but Rachel really isn’t the problem just direct it to me.” Quinn sighed.

“I mean she did confront Nat about getting her to break us up but yeah sure let’s not say she had no hand in it.” You nodded.

“Skirrrrt what?!” Artie tilted his head.

“Okay, I was drunk and I did say that, but I saw how close the two of you were. Y/N deny it all you want but I saw how close the two of you were that night at your party. KISSING DISTANCE.” Rachel clapped.

“Oh no you’re right there is no denying it. You see Rachel unlike my soon to be ex wife over here I never cheated not once. I never looked at another woman, but she kept bashing me and kept hammering on and on about Natasha and myself that I finally saw the light that night. So many people said I made the biggest mistake by marrying you.” You said towards a crying Quinn.

“My parents, Mike, Finn, Sersi, and now Natasha…. And then all your lies started coming out of the woodwork. Accusing me of having an affair with Sersi when really you were probably having this affair with the hobbit from the Shire.”

Quinn sniffled, shaking her head as Rachel scoffed.

“Telling me you were pregnant but really you had your tubes tied after you had Finley just so I couldn’t work with Stark Industries. But what really takes the cake is you stealing my chance at MIT… I will NEVER forgive you for that. You’re a liar Quinn Fabray. There’s no telling what lows you will stoop too. What else have you done behind my back huh? What did you poke a hole in the condom to have Beth?”

“No!” She cried.

“Dammmmn.” Artie gasped.

“She probably did.” Sam mumbled.

“You’re gonna sign those papers. You’re gonna let me have 50/50 custody of our girls. You’re gonna let me take whatever is mine in that house including my dog Ollie. You can keep the house I’m moving in with Natasha.”

“I fucking knew it!” She cried.

“No you didn’t but you did push me in her arms.” You chuckled.

“Literally.” Santana nodded.

“Honestly Q, I warned you this would happen.” Brittany shrugged.

“Fine we’ll go to court and I’ll just prove that you and Natasha had a thing.” Quinn’s eyes hardened as her jaw locked in place. “I’ll get that little Russian bitch deported.”

“Wow!” Kurt gasped. 

You chuckled darkly, stepping forward. “Oh Quinn, she has a green card that won’t happen. You’re gonna sign whatever the fuck I want you to sign, but hey if you wanna play it that way we can go to court.” You nod before losing your smile.

“Just know I’m taking the Fabray fortune with me, and your cunt of a mother can live the rest of her miserable days with you. If you wanna take that risk be my guest. Honestly I actually kind of want to go to court just so I can take your family’s money and that old mansion. I think I’ll knock it down and put up a Taco Bell. But don’t worry I’ll take care of Franny.” You wink.

“You fucking asshole!” Quinn tried to slap you but you managed to dodge the hit and Artie managed to get it on video right before you moved. Sam grabbed her and moved her across the room.

“That was fucking diabolical.” Santana smirked. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Dude.” Mike covered his mouth smiling. “That was amazing.”

“Y/N, I just sent you this video, you should show the court this as well.” Artie grinned.

“Thank you.” You shook his hand.

“Anytime. I live for this shit.” Artie cackled.

“Okay, she is starting to smoke from my pen so she’s good now.” Sam nodded.

A few moments later Rachel walked up it almost felt like high school again sitting in the bleachers with her front and center.

“Okay, so the air is cleared somewhat… can we now make this about Finn?” Rachel asked, looking at the framed photo in front of her.

“Definitely.” You said smugly.

“Quinn?” Rachel called out softly.

“Yes.” She said rubbing her temple.

“Guys?”

“Uhhuh, yup, yes!” Everyone answered.

“I also brought us some whiskey.” You announced holding up a flask.

“Y/N, this is a school.” Rachel huffed.

“Rachel it’s for Finn.” Quinn sighed.

You handed her the flask and she took it.

“Great… maybe let’s share some of our favorite moments with Finn? I’ll start us off…. I remember our last moments were at the train station when he sent me on my way to New York. I remember being really sad that I didn’t get to send him off. He told me he loved me but that he wasn’t going to write me.” Rachel began to cry. “Not because he didn’t want to but because this was goodbye he didn’t want to me to bring an anchor to New York.”

You furrowed your brows remembering Quinn saying those words when she mentioned them together back in high school. 

“He kissed me and then he let me go. That was the last time I ever saw him.” Rachel sniffled. “It’s weird I know I’ve always had these feeling deep down for Quinn but Finn always held my heart. I’ll always love you Finn.” Rachel cried before taking a swig. The Broadway singer sat next to Quinn who rubbed her back.

“I guess I’ll go next, Y/N, you might wanna join me since you were there.” Mike chuckled, standing up holding the flask. “One of my favorite moments was the night before he left for the Marines.”

“It was just us three like old times.” You chuckled, nodding.

“Finn wanted to do everything we used to do when we were kids.” Mike sniffled. “We played video games and gorged ourselves on pizza rolls.”

“Then we went to the football field and got hammered.” You snickered.

“We tried to sneak into a strip club.” Mike laughed, causing you to laugh along with the club. “At first we couldn’t get in but Y/N-“ Mike chuckled. “Y/N told the truth to the bouncer that Finn was a dumbass who had enlisted, and that it could be the last time he would see a good piece of ass for the next 4 years.”

“We got in for like an hour.” You chuckled.

“Then Finn cried and told us how much he loved us.” The dancer had tears in his eyes.

“How much Glee meant to him.” You added trying not to cry.

“And how if he could do it all again he would.” Mike said sadly.

“We cried and then we busted his balls for making us cry.” You chuckled.

“We told him we’d write and FaceTime.” Mike continued.

“Told him I’d name my next kid after him.” You chuckled, making Quinn smile.

“We went back to his moms house, ate more pizza rolls, and passed out in his room in the same spots we used to sleep in as kids.” Mike smiled before taking a shot of the whiskey.

“Here’s to you Finn.” You say softly taking a shot.

“We love you man.” You and Mike said together before pulling one another in a hug silently crying. It was in your embrace that you both felt his presence. Almost as if he was holding you both in a bear hug. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when you turned around.

“Fuck you guys that was sad.” Artie wiped his tears as he took the flask. “As you all know I was bullied relentlessly in the beginning before Glee. There was one day Puck was going to throw me down the stairs to be honest I was terrified. Finn caught him before it happened and took me to class. Y/N, I’m pretty sure you were the one that shoved Puck down stairs that day.” Artie snickered. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was in math class that day.” You grinned as everyone chuckled.

“I got messed with but Finn and of course Y/N and Mike always managed to save me. Thanks guys.”

Kurt walked down taking the flask.

“Um, so Finn was one of my biggest crushes in high school besides my husband of course.” He chuckled. “He made it very clear that we would only ever be friends at the most brothers. After seeing his wardrobe, and the way he danced. those feelings quickly faded.” He laughed.

“He was a great step brother though. Always took up for me and supported me when I decided to leave our school and then when I decided to come back. It was hard losing him. It still is after all this time. We miss you Finn but don’t worry I’ve got mom and dad taken care of.” Kurt took a swig and made a face before taking his seat.

Soon everyone said they’re kind words.

“Should we move to a karaoke bar? My dads said we can use theirs in the basement.” Rachel announced.

“I’d like say something first if that’s okay.” Quinn said softly you handed the nearly empty flask.

“Finn and I didn’t always get along. He never thought I was good enough for Y/N and he was right.” 

You looked up.

“Finn, I’m sorry for all the times I tore you down and called you dumb. I’m sorry for telling you that you weren’t good enough for Rachel.”

The brunette looked up in surprise.

“But most of all I’m sorry for how I treated your best friend. I hope you can forgive one day.” With that Quinn downed the rest of the flask.

“That was beautifully said Quinn.” Rachel spoke up as the blonde handed you the flask.

“So Rachel, your parents still have that full bar?” Tina grinned.

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Drinks were going, songs were played, laughs were heard around the room.

Rachel downed a shot of liquid courage before walking over towards you. You looked up after making a drink.

“I just wanted to apologize to you for my part… I- I don’t know what the fuck came over me. I don’t what I was thinking. I don’t what made me think that trying to steal Quinn and getting Natasha to help me was a good idea. But I am sorry Y/N. I really am.” Rachel quickly wiped away a stray tear. “I know you’ve never liked me, I know you think I’m fake, but I’m being real with you right now. Because I know Finn would have been ashamed of me and my actions. It would have broke his heart. Me having feelings for Quinn I don’t think he would have really thought much of it but me hurting you I think he would have hated me for that. So I hope one day you can forgive me. Maybe we can be friends one day?”

“Maybe.” You nod.

“That’s all I can hope for.” She squeezes your hand and walks away.

“Was that an apology I heard?” Kurt asked, walking over with Mike.

“It was.” You raised your brow.

“Woooow.” Kurt nodded.

“Sup Fabgay.” Santana said, leaning by Quinn.

“Santana.” Quinn sighed.

“Was that a real apology you made earlier to Finn or just something to put on a show before court?”

“It was real.” She sighed.

“So then you’re going to sign?” Santana hounded her.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Quinn groaned, before grabbing her drink.

“Are you even in love with Y/N? Like gotta have sex with them constantly, wanna have another baby, want to grow old with them?”

Quinn watched you as you laughed at something Kurt said.

“Because I can tell you right now Y/N does not feel that way about you.”

“I get it Santana, Y/N is fucking our neighbor.”

“I never said that.” The brunette snickered.

“Q, after everything you put Y/N through, don't you want them to be happy? Even if it’s with Natasha?” Brittany asked.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Quinn stood up going to the restroom with her old cheerio teammates in tow.

Meanwhile on the other side of the room.

“So Y/N tell us about Natasha.” Mercedes smiled coyly.

“She’s absolutely amazing.” Kurt began.

“Uh I said Y/N!” Mercedes huffed.

“Well he isn’t wrong.” You chuckled. “She’s the sweetest most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I think I’m taking her somewhere special when all this is said and done.” You say.

“Ooooh take her somewhere secluded and snuggle by the fire.” Tina said whimsically.

“I think I just might! My boss did say I could borrow his cabin upstate.”

“Noooo take her somewhere tropical and luxurious.” Mercedes laughed.

“Seeing her in a bikini does sound nice.” You smirked.

Your friends laughed.

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“Alright guys I think I’m gonna head out.” You say standing up.

“Wait nooooo! Nooo!” Mike slurred.

“Yeah.” You chuckled.

“No wait Y/L/N play us one song just one! Berry you’ve got a guitar right?!” Santana asked.

“Yes!” Rachel ran into the closet grabbing a guitar before handing it to you. “It’s old, never really used it. It was in my early Taylor era hence the pink.” She giggled.

“Okay just one and I think you guys might remember this from grad night if so; sing along.” You say taking a seat on the stool. You start to tune the guitar and begin to strum lightly.

“Passed out on the overpass 

Sunday best and broken glass 

Broken down from the bikes 

And bars Suspended like spirits 

Over speeding cars 

You and me were kings over the 

Parkway tonight”

Tina took her lighter out waving her hand.

“And tonight will go on forever

While we walk around this town

Like we own the streets

And stay awake through summer 

Like we own the heat 

Singing "everybody wake up”

(wake Up!)

“it's time to get down” 

(everybody, everybody wake up It's time to get down!)”

Everyone was swaying together as they sang.

“And when I pass the bottle back

To Finn on the overpass tonight, 

I bet we laugh” 

“To Finn!” Everyone cheered, taking another shot as you strummed.

“I'm gonna stay eighteen forever 

(cut me open) 

So we can stay like this forever 

(sun poisoned) 

And we'll never miss a party 

(this offer stands forever) 

'Cause we keep them going constantly 

And we'll never have to listen 

To anyone about anything 

(new bracelet) 

'Cause it's all been done and 

It's all been said 

(eyeliner) 

We're the coolest kids and we 

Take what we can get”

Santana cried as she remembered the good old days and how far she and Brittany have come. She’s not young anymore, none of them are.

“The hell out of this town 

Find some conversation 

The low fuel lights been on for days 

It doesn't mean anything 

I've got another 500 nother 500 miles 

Before we shut this engine down, 

We shut it down”

“I'm gonna stay eighteen forever 

(cut me open) 

So we can stay like this forever 

(sun poisoned) 

And we'll never miss a party 

(this offer stands forever) 

'Cause we keep them going constantly 

And we'll never have to listen 

To anyone about anything 

(new bracelet) 

'Cause it's all been done 

And it's all been said 

(eyeliner) 

We're the coolest kids and 

We take what we can get 

(wait forever) 

(you're just jealous cause 

I'm young and in love)”

“Eighteen forever 

(your stomachs filled up but 

You're starved for conversation!) 

So we can stay like this forever 

(you're spending all your nights 

Growing old in your bed) 

And we'll never miss a party 

(and your tearin up your photos 

'Cause you want to forget... it's over!!) 

'Cause we keep them going constantly”

“(you're just jealous cause 

I'm young and in love!) 

And we'll never have to listen 

(your stomachs filled up but 

You're starved for conversation!) 

To anyone about anything cause 

It's all been done 

(you're spending all your nights 

Growing old in your bed!) 

And it's all been said 

(and your tearin' up your photos 

'Cause you want to forget... it's over!) 

We're the coolest kids and we take 

What we can get”

“You’re just jealous cause we're 

Young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!”

All of you came together in a hug already planning on the next get together.

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“Hello?” Natasha answered sleepily.

“Hi I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t be, I was hoping you would call.”

“How have you been? How was Thanksgiving?”

“I’m ok and it was alright. Of course it would have been better with you.” She says softly.

“Same here.” You say softly.

“Yelena and Kate made me binge watch Parks and Rec.”

“It’s pretty great right?”

“It definitely made me laugh.”

“Who was your favorite character?”

“Ron Swanson of course.”

“The scene where he pulls out his tooth just gets me every time.”

She laughs and it sounds so heavenly you can feel your heart skip a beat. “Or the time he broke the coffee pot and started a war in the office?”

You both chuckled.

“How was Finn’s memorial?”

“It was eventful.” You chuckled.

“I got to see some of the stories.” Natasha snickered.

“Oh no.” You looked down at your phone seeing the tags.

“The story you and Mike shared about Finn was sweet. I definitely cried. Plus I got to hear you sing, which is one of my favorite things.”

“You’re making me blush.” You grin.

“The pink guitar is cute.” She snickered.

“It’s not mine, it's Rachel’s.” You huffed.

“A likely story.”

You laughed.

“I miss you Y/N.” She gulped, trying not to cry.

“I miss you. I may not be home for a few more days. I have some loose ends to tie up, but I promise you I’ll be there in time for your birthday.”

“Okay.” She whispered, wondering if she should hold her breath.

“I mean it Nat. I’m going to make it happen.”

She pulled your hoodie closer.

“Will you sing to me?”

“Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Remember I'll always be true

And then while I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you.”

“Keep going.” She whispered.

“I'll pretend that I'm kissing

The lips I am missing

And hope that my dreams will come true

And then while I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you.”

“All my loving.” She smiled.

“I will send to you

All my loving, darling I'll be true

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Remember I'll always be true

And then while I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you

All my loving I will send to you

All my loving, darling I'll be true

All my loving, all my loving ooh

All my loving I will send to you”

“What do you think?” You asked.

“I loved it baby.” 

“Papa?” She heard Fin call for you.

“What’s wrong bubs? What are you doing up?” You lift her up.

“Popo snores too loud.” She grunts burying her face in your neck. You chuckled and so did Natasha. 

“I’ll let you go take her back to bed. I’ll see you soon.” She whispers.

“Before you do, just know that I absolutely adore you and I swear I’m gonna make this birthday the best yet.” You say before ending the call. “Come on pipsqueak let’s go to bed.”

“Where’s mama?” Fin asks sleepily.

“She’s with her mama.” You sighed.

“Ohh.” She yawned.

You lay down and Fin cuddled into your side. “I love you papa.”

“I love you too Finny. To the moon and back.”

Don’t forget to like comment and reblog 😘

[mcfuckity]

You know what? Im breaking my silence. Im TIRED of people missing Jess’ character on purpose. Like, everyone can use context clues and fill in the blanks for every other character but somehow Jess is the only one taken at face value? Jess is being seen as a cold, detached, mean bitch by fans but I cannot determine whether we even watched the same movie.

Let’s address the elephant in the room, because she is a black woman who is NOT a mammy character, people criticize her harsher. Jess was MORE than Miguel’s “lackey”. She had her own thoughts and opinions. She definitely had her own personality and feelings about the entire situation. She lowkey stalled time to give Gwen chances to fix her mistakes.

If Jess was as cold as Miguel and such a “bitch”, she would’ve left Gwen the first time. Let’s not forget that Miguel was fully about to leave Gwen with her own father holding her at gunpoint, JESS vouched to bring Gwen under her name. Jess put her OWN position at risk to help Gwen and it required that she do her job accordingly. Jess made the boundary VERY clear, she is NOT Gwen’s mother. She is NOT her friend. I seen people argue that “Jess’ maternal instincts” should’ve kicked in to protect Gwen” but fully ignoring that Jess HAS A FAMILY! Jess is PREGNANT with her OWN child. Her instincts DID kick in and she chose her dimension with her family in it!

Jess was stuck in a rock and a hard place. She obviously wanted to help Gwen (considering she brought her in at the cost of her own position) but UNFORTUNATELY, GWEN messed up. Gwen saw Miles and that ultimately led to Spot escaping. You can love these characters and acknowledge that every character had their OWN thoughts and motivations that led to fuck ups. It’s not right to try to make Jess sound worse than the man who fuckin replaced his dead self out of grief, was about to leave a teen at gunpoint, and had an entire society of people chase a teenager who wanted to save his dad.

Don’t get me started on the “she’s fighting crime while pregnant argument” because we can accept superpowered people but NOT the possibility that their bodies are more resilient. NOT TO MENTION THAT PETER B HAS A WHOLE BABY ON MISSIONS???? Like, no one is calling him a bad father so what’s different with Jess? Miguel was mean as fuck to Miles upon meeting but Jess doing her JOB is considered being “mean”.

Then the “I didn’t see her enough to connect with her” is fair until everyone can somehow create entire {TERRIBLE} mischaracterizations of Hobie, Pav, and Peni who (arguably) had just about the same amount of screentime. She also shares traits with every other spider person with being snarky and quick-witted while being completely grounded. She’s literally one of the spider people that Miguel fully trusts but somehow the fandom erases her and goes “He loves Peter B and Lego Spidey🤪🤪”

Like, it’s crazy how people find it so easy to erase Jess and Margo (Spiderbyte) in fanworks for things they easily dismiss from other characters and it’s feelin like misogynoir. Like, Margo and Hobie served the same purpose with deciding to go against Miguel for Miles, yet only Hobie and Gwen gets that credit.

AND THEN THE MANY EXCUSES WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING! People keep hating on Jess/Miguel because she’s “obviously pregnant and married” but go right around and ship Miguel with Peter B. Same with Margo/Miles because it’s a bunch of “Miles and Gwen are obviously endgame” ANDDDD???? Since when did every ship HAVE TO be canon in order to be a ship? It’s especially crazy because I BARELY EVER see those comments on Miles/(Peni, Pav, or Hobie) or have no problem with having all the boys huddled around Gwen. The double standard is glaringly obvious.

In conclusion, some of you mfs dont deserve ATSV.

[fanfictilltheend]

❤️‍🔥Violent Heart Part 2:  ♪Remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too ♫ (or the VERY DARK Stepdad!Mechanic!Covict!Joel x Afab!you one)❤️‍🔥

Hi I apologize that a lot of these reference pics are just of white girls. I tried to find "aesthetic" images that go with the story but so many of them are just of white people and I want to call myself out for this because in the fic's only descriptors are that she has hair and is AFAB -- nothing about race. I also realize that all of the girls in this are skinny too and Y/N's body type is never specified. Sorry fam!! These images are just to get the creative juices flowing and don't truly depict anything from the fic!!

A/n: It’s here!!!!!! 18+ Only. This took me 7 freaking months so you mofos better like, reblog, and comment. This is both my most and least personal fic I’ve ever written and it is dark and relies heavily on plot (smut this time tho!!) READ ALL OF THE TAGS DO NOT COME FOR ME UNLESS YOU DID THIS FR FR. This ones for my dark joel fangirlies(guys and NBies) and the daddy issues fam ily ❤️‍🔥 (also not me naming my fic in part after hallelujah by leonard cohen but there is a reason!!!!!!!!!!)

Summary: Part 2 picks up with Y/N at age 20 and how her relationship with Joel has changed and gets steamier.  SMUT and feelings <3 Also check out this playlist of music that’s in the fic!!!!

Tags (PLEASE READ): Afab!you, pov change, Infidelity, threats, age gap, dressing Joel up (swear I wrote this before he wore that outfit to the SAG awards — the mr.Darcy-core one), racist comment (from Y/N’s douchey boyfriend), douchey boyfriend, confidence issues, feelings, voyeurism, masturbation (m and f), kissing, penis in vagina sex — unprotected (wear a condom), lightest hint of ass play, scar worship?? kinda??, daddy issues, daddy kink, using music lyrics to move the plot, multiple orgasms (m and f), religion and god discussions, stepcest (kinda bc technically he is divorced from her mother), tagging psuedo-incest just to be safe!!, use of y/n

Word Count: ~13k

PART 1

AO3 Link

Violent Heart Masterlist

Full Masterlist of all my work

If you’re being honest, you’ve always had a little crush on Joel Miller. How could you not have? The first day you’d met him had been like some kind of fucked up yet extremely satisfying whirlwind of a daydream. He’d come in, broad and tall and strong, and saved you from your evil (though you do love him somewhere deep, deep down) older brother’s onslaught. Protected you like a knight in shining armor from his punching, beating fists. Treated and touched you so tenderly, so many miles different from how your own father did that you’d been hit with whatever the pleasant opposite of whiplash is. And the way he finally punished Aiden after years of his reign of terror, the violence of it, the justice of it. You didn’t have words for it then, but the way you looked into Joel’s eyes when he was doling out that righteous punishment became some kind of strange secret understanding between the two of you. Maybe it was the first sign of love? You aren’t sure.

As a kid, he’d given you what you like to think of as quiet butterflies. They were always there when he spoke to you, looked at you, touched you, beat the shit out of your father and brother for you, but they were faint enough that you could ignore them. It was a comforting, fluttering kind of love, a gradual understanding of your loyalty to one another. But then puberty hit and the insects became incessantly loud when you thought of, wrote to, or talked to him. They ate at your heart day after day while Joel was in prison – the longing, the missing. Aiden told you that you were obsessed with him. Your mother told you to forget him, that he would forget you. But somehow, he didn’t. You wonder if those bugs live in him too. You wonder if they are quiet or loud and if they gnaw .

You think that they are probably loud. You think this for a few reasons. The first is that you know for a fact, you can feel it in the lining of your soul, and from the evidence of his constant correspondence and care for you, that he is just as obsessed with you as you are with him. The second reason is the fact that you think but aren’t one hundred percent sure is that the last time you’d hugged him he’d gotten a little hard (you don’t want to think too much into that because he is only a man who had been deprived of touch for a long time – but still you wonder…). And the third is the way he looks at you like you are the universe like you are the last drop of nectar and he is the last butterfly left on Earth in a famine. 

That’s how he’s looking at you now in the passenger seat of his old, clunky pickup. You know that he wanted to drive, but you wanted to show him how well you could because he had never seen. Never had the chance to see how well you had fixed, maintained, and took care of his baby and of course he gave into you like he always does. He's smiling at you quietly, but his eyes contain multitudes. Right now mostly pride at your driving.

Joel is a bit different than how you remember sitting near him in the truck the last time you were together, him as a free man, you as a little girl. Somehow, even though you are obviously bigger now, he still seems massive and broad and stronger than ever. His biceps are huge – probably from all the time he had to work out in prison – and peeking out under his blue t-shirt that you brought for him, you think you see the outlines of some tattoos. You look a little closer. On his right arm is text in curvy black ink. You think it reads, “Sarah.” You smile softly at that. On his other arm is a strange orange shape that you have to squint at to understand. The edges of the object are jagged but they form a shape like a badge – and then you know what it is! It is the guitar pick you made for Joel as a child. The one that had pricked his finger and drawn blood and he stuck it in his wallet. You can’t articulate how honored you feel that Joel loved you enough to tattoo something you made for him on his body, permanently, forever. 

“ Well , the light only turned green damn near eons ago,” he complains about your driving, but you know he is just teasing.

There is hardly anything wrong you can ever do in Joel’s eyes. He grins at you a bit lopsidedly and you smile back. You also can’t help but notice the greying of his brown hair. It’s a bit longer than it used to be too and the length gives it a little bit less of a shaggy look. You think it suits him, makes him look a bit older and more distinguished than when he first came into your life twelve years ago. 

Objectively, you know it’s weird to think that your ex-stepdad who is a convicted felon is hot, but it’s just something you’ve always known and thought like that the sky is blue or that orange is your favorite color. You know it’s weird to think of someone who was? – is? – supposed to be a father figure to you that way, but it’s already second nature at this point. You’ve had a few boyfriends (luckily all of them had treated you right), but none of the feelings you’ve ever had for them have compared to the cosmic-sized love and affection you have for Joel and you’ve never known anything different. The years you spent longing, missing, loving, obsessing over, and aching for him in every way under the sun, can’t be healthy, you know this, but they have eclipsed practically every other relationship in your life. No one has ever made you feel as safe and protected and loved as Joel has. No one else has ever looked at you the way he does. No one else’s entire existence has revolved around you the way his has. The sheer devotion in his gaze is enough to make the butterflies inside you scream and beat their wings against your insides like hungry bats. 

And you especially know you shouldn’t have these feelings about another human being violent enough to be capable of taking a life – inebriated or not. You’re grown now and know the man he killed was a scum-of-the-Earth child predator, and secretly you’ve always wondered if there was more to the story than Joel told the police in the official court transcripts you’d read as an adult, maybe even something to do with you since you had been there that day in the repair shop when they met , but you haven’t pressed because you’re sure the whole thing is quite traumatic for Joel and if he ever wants to tell you, you know he will. And more importantly, you don’t really care. Drunken, violent idiot or not, you were already deeply invested and never intended on wavering in that. You’re not sure there’s anything Joel could do to get you to stop loving him and that both terrifies and excites you. 

“Okay, whatcha wanna eat?” you ask, reaching out to rub Joel’s shoulder gently. “Now that you’re free you can have whatever you want! On my mom’s credit card of course. Swear I won’t tell her.”

Joel grins.

“Deal,” he tells you. “I was thinking of a nice steak dinner.”

***

You pull into the fanciest restaurant you can find in the tri-state area and sit down to order a regal, all-American, full three-course steak dinner (though you’re both woefully underdressed – not that you care – though the host gives you a dirty look). All the while, you tell Joel about your major (psychology) and how you want to become a counselor for abused children.

“That’s sort of beautiful, sweetheart,” he tells you with a genuine smile that used to be so hard to coax from him, but now seems to float over to you so easily and gently like a kiss from something as soft as the wings of a butterfly. “Wanting to help defenseless children. You’re kinda like a guardian angel for them, ya know? Damn proud of ya! Also, these mashed potatoes are goddamn delectable!” he exclaims after taking an experimental bite. “Have I mentioned that prison food is shit?”

You smile bashfully and want to tell him that he is your guardian angel (you wonder if he thinks the same of you) and inspiration in a backward sort of way for wanting to help kids in the first place since he was so good at protecting you for the most part (though you obviously don’t believe violence is the correct answer in your line of future work). But kids need protectors. Somehow you know that deep down you forgive him for all of the violence he caused because you would forgive him for anything. And him being proud of you? You don’t think there’s a better feeling in the world than that! You burst with pride. Your real father never said that to you, but Joel doesn’t feel like your father now. He is something different entirely. Something that entirely belongs to you.

“And you’ll meet my boyfriend, Max, tomorrow,” you nod as Joel moves onto the steak and lets out a soft moan at how good it tastes. “He’s heard a lot about you.”

Joel’s face flattens.

“And who is this kid exactly?” he sneers a little, attacking the steak with his knife. 

You smile internally at the obvious jealousy he’s trying to hide from his voice.

“Hey, Max is a decent guy!” you insist in his defense. “He’s pre-law. Real smart. He’s gonna be an important person someday, I know it. You’ll get on.”

That last part is a bit of a lie since you’re not sure the two will actually like each other. 

Joel examines your face, looks deep into your eyes.

“All I know is, just because someone is important, don’t mean they’re good to you or for you for that matter.” 

You can’t help but think of your father, the most “important” man you know and how much of a degenerate he is compared to someone ostensibly average like Joel who didn’t even have a status symbol like a college degree and how perfect of a man you think he is, despite his obvious flaws. You blush a little, scrunching up your nose. 

“Just lookin’ out for you, sweetheart,” he continues, smiling at the way you do. “He ever fuck with you – he ever break your heart, you know just where to send him, alright?”

“Yeah, Joel,” you grin. “Don’t need you getting any more jail time though, alright?” “You may have made a valid point,” he concedes with a smirk. 

***

When you two enter your shitty, one-bedroom apartment it’s already dark outside. Joel actually grins when he notices his and your guitars have both been mounted on the wall. 

“We can play ‘em tomorrow,” you tell him excitedly. “If you want to, I mean…”

“Hell yeah, I do,” Joel smiles. “Wanna hear ya singing for me, honey. I missed that.”

You smile to yourself.

“You can have my bed, and I’ll take the couch,” you decide, getting back to business. 

“No way, babygirl. I ain’t taking your bed.”

“Joel, you’ve literally been on a prison mattress for eight fucking years! Can’t imagine that’s been very comfortable.”

“That’s exactly why I won’t mind the couch. That’ll feel like heaven to me. Don’t want you messin’ up your back, sweetheart.”

You open your mouth, but Joel beats you.

“And that’s that,” he insists. 

“Alright, alright,” you concede, knowing by the look on his face he’s not budging. If one thing, Joel has always been stubborn, but you like that about him. “D’you wanna watch a movie or something?”

“Actually, baby, if ya don’t mind, I’d like a quick shower. Been dreaming about taking a real, private one for ages.”

“Yeah, of course!” you nod, motioning toward your bathroom door. “Towels are under the sink.”

Joel makes his way inside and soon steam is billowing out the bottom of the door. 

You busy yourself with some homework, but just as you walk past the door to grab a glass of water, you think you hear Joel singing.

You listen more closely over the fall of the running water and make out him singing the chorus of an old ABBA song with a deeper, sadder tone to it,

♪ “ Slipping through my fingers all the time / I try to capture every minute / The feeling in it / Slipping through my fingers all the time / Do I really see what's in her mind? / Each time I think I'm close to knowing / She keeps on growing / Slipping through my fingers all the time…” ♫

You feel like such a sap, but you feel a tear forming in your eye at the way Joel must be thinking about his and your relationship and everything he missed in your life. You aren’t mad at him, but his absence hurt in a way you didn’t know you could feel. And you’ve never blamed him, really, but the lack of him for eight years of milestones really did kill a piece of you. You can’t help but imagine a butterfly at the bottom of your stomach with its wings pulled off. That’s how you felt all that time without Joel – like a butterfly without wings. A writhing worm of a human being, senseless and lost in a giant world full of forces you couldn’t control. 

You listen to Joel’s beautiful, deep voice until you hear him turn off the tap and you scurry away and act innocent. 

Joel emerges from the bathroom then with nothing but a white towel around his waist, steam from the shower floating lazily into the room behind him like precession. And oh, wow, is he ever a sight to behold. His hair is wet, dark brown flecked with grey, and starting to get curly from the moisture. You also can’t help but notice his broad chest, the expanse of it, the dark curls of hair, his bulking, muscular tattooed arms, his soft, hairy tummy, the V-shape of muscle that descends beneath the towel, his happy trail. You are overwhelmed by the soaking beauty of him. You’d seen Joel shirtless before, sure, but it had never felt like this . 

“Gon’ grab some of those clothes you bought for me and then maybe we could watch something?” Joel asks as you try so fucking hard not to stare at him.

“Sure!” you squeak, staring down at your notebook at the kitchen counter. 

You think you see a smirk from Joel, but you're not sure because your gaze is averted as he grabs some clothes to change into and disappears back into the bathroom.

When he reemerges, dressed in a wifebeater and shorts that accentuate his form, you two sit next to each other on your cushy sofa and surf the TV for something to watch. You feel Joel’s hairy knees against your jean-clad one and your heart flutters.

“Can’t believe I’m really here,” Joel says softly as you pass re-runs of Full House, a dog show. “Like I gotta fuckin’ pinch myself to know it’s not a dream.”

Suddenly you feel a large, weathered hand on your cheek.

“Missed you so much, babygirl,” he murmurs, looking into your eyes, massaging the line of your jaw ever so lightly, trying to hold your skittish gaze. “More than I even have words for.”

First, you avoid looking at him a bit bashfully, but then you stare up cautiously into those big brown eyes that feel like a familiar kind of home and you’re such a goner. You lean into his warmth, the warmth of his hand.

“Missed you too, Joel. So much,” you admit, never wanting this moment to end or him to let go of you. “More than anything.”

He leans forward a little and for a second you think…but then he’s leaning in and planting a heavy kiss on your forehead. A kiss that has weight to it – not those soft, weak ones that Max gives you haphazardly when he’s drunk or high – the only time he’s brave enough to be vulnerable with you. This kiss says something, means it so sincerely too. 

“Love you, honey,” he tells you. Then his face falls. “Sorry I…wasn’t quite there to say that to you enough in person.”

“It’s okay, Joel. I forgive you,” you insist. “I love you so much, dummy. More than you even know!”

But you truly do appreciate the sentiment. 

***

You settle on an old, black and white classic, Paper Moon, that’s playing on the TV Land channel.

Joel wraps a big arm around you and you snuggle close. You’re pretty sure there isn’t a better feeling in the world than being this close to him. Even after all these years he still smells like Joel; like home (and, if you’re being honest, a bit like your vanilla shampoo) .

You lean against him, your cheek pressing into one of his firm pecs. You begin to feel sleepy, drunk on the steady sound of his heartbeat, alive and beating against you and really here . 

You nod off.

***

At first, you don’t believe it, but you feel someone with strong, firm arms lifting you into the air, cradling your back and the insides of your knees in a bridal-style carry. The movement wakes you, but you don’t open your eyes because the safety and security you feel is too good to give up. Joel carries you to your bedroom and lays you down gently in your bed. You’re still in day clothes and shoes so Joel takes off your worn sneakers with a feather-light touch and places them at the foot of the bed – you can tell from the soft thumps it makes. He maneuvers you so tenderly under the covers and tucks you in with love and care. You wonder the last time someone did that for you and pull up a blank. If anyone ever did that for you it was probably Joel. Maybe your mom did when you were really young. Certainly your father nor Aiden ever did – your father hadn’t liked to touch you except out of anger – kind of like you had some kind of weird, contagious disease. Aiden’s hands had almost always hurt too, but not Joel’s – never his. 

He breaks you from your thoughts by pressing another kiss to your forehead. Your eyes are still closed so you aren’t sure, but you think he watches you for a second and lets out a long sigh. 

Then you hear your bedroom door close softly so as not to disturb you. You smile, you can’t help it, and drift back off into a peaceful sleep.

***

You wake up to a mumbling, grunting sort of sound. You look over at your clock and read 3:42 a.m. You sit up. You can kind of hear some muffled noises coming from outside your room. At first, you feel a little concerned – like maybe Joel is in pain or something as he is the only one who could be making the noises. The walls in your apartment are paper-thin. Like you could hear him sneeze clear as day if he were to because sound travels through the shitty walls so easily. You should have told him that. But what the fuck is he doing up at 3 a.m.? 

You creep (and you mean creep) silently to the door of your bedroom and open it the tiniest crack. The way your apartment is laid out, the back of the sofa is the first thing you see and the back of Joel’s head about six feet away. He doesn’t sound in pain the way he’s groaning and then you understand exactly what he’s doing. Of course the man is jerking off! After being in prison, stuck around people for so long of course he wanted a good, private wank. He isn’t looking at anything from what you can tell, no magazines or anything. Must be using his imagination. You wonder what he’s thinking about, if he’s gotten good at that over the years.

You should turn around, slink back into bed, and cover your ears with a pillow so the man can have some privacy. But, fuck, the way he’s grunting. His voice is so fucking deep and sexy and then he lets out a soft, vulnerable moan and you feel heat envelope your whole body. You think you hear a soft fuck roll off his tongue and your heart almost beats right out of your chest. You can hear the lewd slapping of his fist on skin getting louder and more intense. Then you hear a soft take it, fuck. And Jesus, you are so fucking wet between your thighs. You ought to be ashamed. Instead, you reach down your hand feverishly beneath the band of your jeans and soaking underwear instinctively to stroke yourself ever so slightly. You sigh in relief, but you are fucking gushing, your fingers covered in your slick. You can’t see anything besides the back of Joel’s head, technically, so this couldn’t be that wrong, could it? He lets out a soft groan, you can tell he’s holding back so as not to be heard, but the desperation in the pathetic little noises this hulking man is making is turning on every switch inside you. Oh how you want to go over there and take him in your mouth, to taste him. God you are so fucked up! You’re still touching yourself gently, not really fully going at it yet, considering the possibilities that could follow if you went over there. But before you can decide to do anything, Joel positively whines, moans, and grunts fuck, unh, and you think but aren’t sure, babygirl, and finishes.

You stop dead still in what you’re doing. Did he really say “babygirl” or was that just your horny-ass imagination playing tricks on you? You’ve never heard Joel call anyone babygirl except you. Was he really thinking of you? On the one hand, if true, mega fucked up. On the other, wow, incredibly hot. You think about going over there and asking him to finish you off or something as crazy as in all those dumb romance novels you used to read in middle school, but just as quickly as the idea comes to you, you hear another noise: loud snoring. Joel is asleep.

Typical.

You snort to yourself. That was so quintessentially Joel. You don’t want to disturb him now. The moment has passed. And only then is when you remember you have a fucking boyfriend. 

That doesn’t stop you from closing your door softly, crawling back into bed, and reaching your hand down beneath your panties to touch yourself. You stroke your clit, imagining it is Joel’s rough hand rubbing against you. Holy fuck. You haven’t been this wet since you used to touch yourself thinking about him in the past. It’s like he can reach every part of you, every layer in a way that no one else can. You know the whole thing is so fundamentally fucked up, but you can resist sinking into your favorite fantasy. The smell, the touch, the feel of him. You imagine the noises he was making so beautifully on the couch, feel heat coil through your entire body, and immediately cum hard without even sticking a finger inside yourself. 

The pleasure you feel is so unparalleled and real you have to cover your hand with your mouth not to scream out your powerful orgasm. 

Sweat drenches your whole body as you come down. 

God, you are so fucked.

***

The next morning you wake up to the wafting smell of someone cooking eggs. You emerge from your room a little sheepishly from last night’s events to find Joel behind the kitchen counter making eggs and toast. 

“Mornin’, babygirl,” he grins, his eyes shining like he’s excited about something.

And then you realize: that something is you.

You grin back.

“Good morning, Joel,” you beam at him.

You were so afraid things would feel awkward after what you heard last night, but nothing ever feels awkward with Joel. In some ways, he’s still just your average dorky, friendly old ex-stepdad, convicted felon. In other ways, everything about him sets your heart on fire, but it would be stupid to ruin what you have with him because you think it’s remotely possible he might be interested back. You know this is dramatic, but if he flat-out rejected you, you think you might die. Truly. Like those butterflies inside you would beat their wings so hard they’d burst your heart.

“‘Membered you liked ‘em poached,” he nods, breaking you from your thoughts. 

He scoops two poached eggs onto one of your plates and grabs a piece of toast from the toaster which he smears with butter like how you used to eat toast as a kid. You can’t believe he remembered.

“Thanks so much,” you tell him.

He grabs a few eggs and toast for himself and sits beside you at the counter. 

“Nice to be able to cook me ‘n you some real food,” he remarks. “If I eat one more cup o’ noodles in my lifetime I swear to God Almighty…” he trais off.

He’s looking at you like you put the goddamned sun in the sky. Your heart melts as you stare at his features, the faint curls in his hair. Oh, how you want to reach out and touch him. But that just isn’t how you operate. You won’t ruin what you already have.

The butterflies in your chest howl. 

***

` You lay out the day’s schedule to Joel. You have plenty of time to hang about (you see him eyeing the guitars), and then you need to go shopping for some actual clothes for Joel since the things you brought for him don’t constitute a proper wardrobe. Then you will go out to dinner and meet Max. 

Joel grunts a nod at that last part. He doesn’t seem too thrilled.

“Wanna show me what you’ve been playing?” he asks hopefully as he gets up to put both of your plates in the sink,

“‘Course!” you nod enthusiastically. “Max says I need to work on my fingerpicking so I can’t promise it’ll be all that good.”

Joel rolls his eyes.

“Show me what you’ve got.”

***

You sit down on the couch right next to Joel, each of you holding your respective guitars in hand, across your laps. 

Joel looks ecstatic to have his guitar back in his hands. He fiddles with the tuning and finger-picks a faint melody.

“Haven’t played one since the prison band. But then some dumb motherfucker clobbered another sorry son of a bitch to death with a saxophone so that ended our music privileges,” Joel explains. 

“Jeez,” you reply.

Joel is sitting so close you can feel his body heat. You just want to hear him sing, but he insists on hearing you.

“Joel,” you try as innocently as possible. “D’you remember how to do an A-flat? I forget and I need it for my song.”

“Sure, baby. Lemme help ya. Now put one finger on this bit of the 4th fret here,” he begins, snaking a big arm around your shoulders so he can maneuver your fingers to the correct position. 

His touch is electric. He feels so good and warm. You feel the intense urge to climb into his lap and embrace and stay there forever. His big caloused hand full of scars places your fingers correctly for the chord. The same hand that must have jerked himself to completion last night…You can’t help but wonder how much cum there was…The truth is, you know how to make an A-flat. You just wanted to feel him.

He backs away and you whine internally at the loss.

“There we go,” he says soothingly, reaching out to rub your shoulder. “That one can be tricky. Now where is my performance?”

Your nerves are squirming around inside you but you begin to play and sing to the best of your ability. 

You look into Joel’s eyes.

♪“ You've got a heart on fire / It's bursting with desire / You've got a heart filled with passion /  Will you let it burn for hate or compassion?” ♫ you sing. 

Joel watches you intently, sitting up straighter. 

♪ “What's the point with a love / That makes you hate and kill for? ♪

You sing as best and as seriously as you can. You look up and think you maybe see a tear in Joel’s eye.

When you finish, it’s clear Joel is finding it hard to select the right words to convey what he’s feeling. 

“I–” he tries. “That was…well, let me just show you how I can answer that if anyone ever could to a performance as beautiful as that.”

You blush. 

He begins to finger-pick a familiar tune, Instantly, you are transported back to eight years old in the back of Joel’s old pickup truck, listening to one of his many cassette tapes. It’s “I’ll Never Find Another You” by The Seekers. The original version of the song is pretty happy and upbeat, but the way Joel sings it slowly in his deep and weathered voice makes you feel sad and achy inside. The emotion behind his voice is palpable.

♪ “But if I should lose your love, dear / I don't know what I'd do / For I know I'll never find another you / Another you / Another you…” ♫ he trails off.

It’s your turn to tear up a little. It’s crazy to know he means every word he’s singing too. He sings like every word is his last breath. When he finishes you are crying a little.

“You oughta record an album,” you sniffle, leaning into his shoulder, throwing him a side hug.

“Wanted to be a singer,” he replies with a small grin, leaning his head against yours. “Back when I was young.” 

You sit back up straight.

“You did? I never knew that.”

“Don’t tell nobody really,” Joel replies, looking a bit sad you left his immediate proximity. “Just a stupid dream ‘n all that crap.”

“‘S not stupid,” you tell him. “You really have a beautiful voice, Joel. It’s like if I could take it, hold on to it, and keep it forever in my chest pocket next to my heart, I would.”

“That’s where I keep you, baby,” he tells you honestly.

He reaches up a big hand to yours and guides your own to place it right on his heart over his plaid shirt. You can feel it beating steadily below your palm to the rhythm of something as delicate and ferocious as the beating of butterfly wings.

“Right here.”

***

You take Joel shopping. At his insistence it is nothing fancy, just the local department store. That doesn’t stop you from dressing Joel up in ridiculous outfits of your choosing. You make him try on a Hawaiian shirt, some golf polos like your dad liked to wear, a pinstripe suit and he lets you because saying no to you has never been in his vocabulary. He acts grumpy on the outside, but you can tell he is amused. You know in the end, you’ll just end up buying every flannel shirt and jeans combo they have in the store, but it’s just fun anyway. You watch the fabric hug his torso, his tummy, the slight bulge at his waist. At one point he comes out shirtless and you try very hard not to swoon as you stare at the hair lining his chest and his adorable little tummy that you for some reason have the urge to bite. The band of his Hanes boxers sticks up past his jeans and he looks so good. He even lets out a genuine smile. The middle-aged sales attendant who is helping you even takes a good look at him which makes the butterflies inside you swarm possessively. 

Finally, you make him try on a proper white-collared button-down shirt and black dress pants with matching black shoes and he looks so good you’re actually at a loss for words when he asks you what you think. They hug the curves and lines and planes of his body so nicely. All you can do is ask him to put on a black tie to match and he does at your behest following some customary griping that he would never wear such a monkey suit in the first place. The effect that a fully dressed-up Joel has on you is not one to be reckoned with. He might as well be wearing the men’s version of lingerie for how it makes you throb and ache between your legs. He looks like a force of nature, commanding and tall. It makes you weak. All you say is,

“Looking good, old-timer.”

He snorts.

When you finally ditch all the fun clothes and grab the essentials, Joel offers to go pick up the car while you pay. He tries to give you his eight-year-old credit card, but you insist on treating him on the condition he buys the “monkey suit.” After a bit of prodding, he gives in and you go to the sales attendant to pay at the counter. 

“Your dad is really cute,” the sales attendant giggles to you as she rings up the pile of clothes. 

Your cheeks go a bit red. You don’t really care enough to correct her.

“He’s my guy,” is all you say absentmindedly as you fish out your wallet from your purse.

The sales attendant hands you the receipt and on it, you see a scrawled phone number.

“For If he’s single,” she explains. “I’m Barb from sales.”

You look her over. She’s close to Joel’s age and conventionally pretty with long brown hair. The exact kind of woman Joel should be dating should he choose to get back in the game. Your stomach twists and the butterflies howl inside you.

You take the receipt, thank her, and join Joel back in the car (who is more than happy to be driving this time). 

“What took so long?” he asks casually. “You two writing a novel in there?”

You think seriously about what you should do. You consider letting the bugs have their way and tearing the receipt with Barb’s number on it to shreds. But you want good things for Joel. The chance of you two ever being together the way you wish is so far-fetched that you know you shouldn’t even be thinking it. A literal pipe dream. He was your stepdad for christsakes. He literally fucked your mother! (Gross!). Barb is exactly the kind of woman Joel should be going after if he’s up to dating right now. You hand him the receipt begrudgingly. 

“Sales Lady likes you,” you sat flatly. “Name is Barb.”

“Oh,” he says softly like he’s a bit flattered. 

He looks back at her through the glass door of the store and she waves at him. He waves back politely. You feel your stomach twisting into knots. 

“You think…you think you’re gonna call her?” you finally ask as casually as humanly possible, dreading the answer. 

Joel looks over at you, his gaze sweeping over you. Then looks back at Barb through the window. He looks her up and down.

“Nah,” he says with a smirk, looking back at you. “She ain’t my type. Only need one girl in my life right now anyways,” he winks.

Was that Joel flirting? With you?

Regardless, you smile back and then sigh in relief and grin to yourself as you two drive away. 

Much to your satisfaction, Joel crumples up the receipt and throws it out the window for good measure. 

***

You get ready for dinner, to go to a nice Mexican-Japanese fusion restaurant that Max picked out. You wear a red dress that accentuates your figure and matching heels and to your shock, Joel reemerges from the bathroom in the white button-down shirt and black dress pants you picked out for him (you had been sure flannel would be part of his ensemble). God, he looks good. A part of you wants to ditch Max and just stay here with Joel forever. He looks you over, his dark eyes sweeping over your frame. You think there is a tinge of possessiveness in his voice when he says,

“ Christ, you look beautiful, babygirl.”

***

You arrive before Max and sit down at the fancy white table-cloth-covered table next to Joel, a booth facing you. Max finally makes an appearance a half hour late and sits down across from you, sweeping his hair out of his face, sliding into the booth. Joel is frowning and the butterflies beat their wings inside you nervously.

“Sorry I’m late,” Max announces, puffing out his chest a little and smoothing out his collared shirt as he looks down at his watch and then over at Joel. “Hey, baby,” he says to you. Then, “And, uh, nice to meet you. Joe, was it? Heard a lot about you.”

“Joel,” Joel replies flatly, eyeing Max.

Max is a good-looking guy, everyone says so, but he looks more like a little boy than you’ve ever thought as he squirms uneasily in his seat under Joel’s unrelenting gaze and launches into a tirade about his frat’s inter-mural lacrosse team practice and how his team should have totally won the scrimmage and that’s why he’s late. And of course, he was the one to score the most goals.

“And the taxi cab driver was a nightmare. Only spoke Spanish. It’s like, if you come to this country speak fucking English, am I right?”

You notice Joel’s jaw tighten and his fingers clench. 

“Max, that’s so rude!” you tell him, frowning. “We’re at a fucking Mexican restaurant!”

“Anyway,” Max continues, rolling his eyes at the interruption like he barely even heard you, smirking. “Where’d you go to school? What do you do for work, Joel?  Besides making license plates, I mean. Kidding!” he insists as you stare daggers at him. 

Joel leans forward ever so slightly but you slip your leg over his to hold him back and he calms down a fraction. It’s like when you touch him, everything tense in him melts away. 

Joel sits up straighter in his chair and looks at you, stretching his arm across the back of your seat protectively like it’s a casual thing and not an unconscious sign of possessiveness.

“I’m a mechanic,” he grunts unceremoniously to Max. “I mean, I was anyways…Didn’t go to school.”

Max frowns ever so slightly. 

“You didn’t go to college? You must’ve gone to trade school at least?”

“Nope. Picked up what I know over the years. Not everyone gets a free ride from their parents,” Joel smirks.

“Free ride?” Max snaps. “I’ll have you know I spend every summer interning at a law firm!”

“Yeah, your dad’s,” you can’t help but snicker.

Max’s cheeks turn a bit pink.

“At least I’m not a psych major,” he shoots back. “I mean, no offense, babe!”

“What’s wrong with psychology?” Joel snarls, his eyes darkening. “You ought to be proud to have such a thoughtful and intelligent girl like Y/N studying such a topic.”

It’s your turn for your cheeks to go pink. 

“Joel–”

“Who said I wasn’t?” Max sneers. 

That makes you feel a bit better. 

“I’m just saying, she could have inherited the second-best law firm in the tri-state area from her pops if she was pre-law like me,” he smirks.

Your smile fades, used to hearing this kind of shit from him. He knows you and your father don’t get along at all, but not the full extent of it. He also knows you don’t have an interest in pre-law. But you swallow down how you really feel.

“It’s fine, Joel,” you tell him, placing a hand down on his thigh.

It’s not that you enjoy the way Max has been talking to you, but you are so used to it from the men in your life that it feels like the common denominator must be you. And sometimes it feels like maybe they have some kind of point. And fighting back only makes things worse. You’ve learned that over the years the hard way.

“It’s not fine!” he snaps like he’s trying to get you to see sense, looking deeply insulted on your behalf. Your heart thunders in your chest. “This boy has never worked an honest day in his life and he’s telling you what you ought to be doing? Bet his hands are soft as a baby’s ass. He doesn’t know shit about you, babygirl.”

You may not know the hardship of labor that Joel has taken on in his life, but your hands are not smooth. They are full of scars. And Joel is right. Max’s are soft like silk. You look down at the most prominent, ugly scar on your middle finger. You don’t even know which man in your life gave it to you. But you do know it means something. Shows you survived something. Survived your stupid father too, not that Max seems to care.

But Max never loses. 

“Whatever,” he smirks dismissively. “Sorry I’m not some, like, common blue-collar worker. But I guess I should be taking advice from someone who became a fucking convicted felon ‘cause they drank too much one night,” he shrugs with a terrible sneer.  

You know it’s over then.

But Joel surprises you. Doesn’t immediately strangle Max like you thought he might. Simply stands up tall and silent over Max’s frame which has suddenly begun to shake ever so slightly in obvious fear, his blue eyes widening. Joel’s fists are clenched tightly at his sides. 

“Wouldn’t mind them sendin’ me right back in, ” Joel growls low. “Drunk or not.”

You shiver and Max positively cowers. 

“Got something to say? Don’t wanna take it outside?” Joel leers, smirking ever so slightly at the trembling boy before him. “I’d even let a little boy like you take the first swing.”

“Your stepdad’s a freak, Y/N,” Max stammers, not taking his eyes off of Joel. 

“Joel, it’s fine, okay?” you growl, not wanting him to actually hurt your boyfriend. Let alone in public! “Shouldn’t talk about Joel like that though, Max! Jesus!”

“Babe, I’m sorry, okay?” Max tries, eyeing back and forth between you and Joel. “I’m just trying to look out for you. I don’t get what you see in him with a real Dad like yours! Your dad has so much to give you!”

Look out for you? So much to give you? What could he possibly give besides a stupid law firm and two black eyes? 

Max looks a bit desperate. Him apologizing for anything is actually a new concept for you. Your heart twitches ever so slightly. He must actually like you a lot. But Joel would never do anything to hurt you if it was in his power. At least not intentionally, unlike your real father. 

“That’s it. I’m leaving,” Joel snarls moodily, turning around. “Don’t want to do things I might regret to Mr.Future-Corporate-Lawyer over here. Have fun with him .”

Joel looks deeply hurt. Like you are choosing Max over him or something. That’s never what this has been about, has it? Doesn’t Joel know you’d do anything for him? That the hurt on his face hurts you more than anything you’ve ever felt. Ever.

“Joel, wait!” you decide and disappear after him, leaving Max behind at the table.

“Babe, what the fuck!?” Max yells, but you don’t care. “Come back here!”

***

You ride back in silence, Joel’s hands turning white against his grip on the steering wheel. 

When you break through to the front door of your apartment, Joel finally snaps, the anger on his face directed at something that feels like you for the first time in your life.

“You really love that little son of a bitch, don’t you?” he sneers, uncharacteristically harshly towards you. 

“So what if I did?” you shoot back, a little shocked. “It’s none of your business, Joel. What the fuck?”

“It is so my business,” he snaps back. “That kid is no good for you, Y/N. He doesn’t understand you. You deserve someone much better than that who will actually go to the ends of the earth for you. He wouldn’t do anything for you.”

There is a desperation and vulnerability in Joel’s words and tone that you’re not sure you’ve heard before. He sounds like he had been waiting the whole car ride to say this, maybe even his whole life. You aren’t sure.

“Max does give a shit about me,” you try to convince yourself, getting angrier. “I mean at least he was there for me while you were gone.”

Joel flinches.

“How do you know what’s so good for me and what’s not when you dipped out of my life for eight years?” you continue harshly. “Because why? It wasn’t because you were drunk, was it? It was because you couldn’t control your anger. You never could.”

He stares at you.

“I controlled it for you,” Joel says so quietly you almost miss it. “ You are the only reason I did any of it.”

“What?” you stammer, not sure you want to hear more. “W-what do you mean, Joel? Any of what?”

A million thoughts begin to run through your mind, but you push them aside. Theories about the case and your ideas of Joel’s true nature all threaten to drown you but you push them away.

“Do you want to know why I really killed that sick son of a bitch?” Joel asks dangerously after a long moment of silence. You stare at him, your body frozen. He looks down at his hands, flexing them like he can still feel them punching or around that disgusting man’s throat. “Why I killed him all those years ago? It was no accident, I’ll give you that. Manslaughter, my ass. I killed that scum of the Earth because he threatened you . To do terrible things to you with those disgusting hands of his. So I broke each one, but it wasn’t enough. I killed him because I didn’t want you to get hurt and because I didn’t want you to live in fear of him. I was tired, Y/N. Tired of being afraid for you in a world that doesn’t let you do shit except fight back. I loved you so much, Y/N, it hurt me. It scared me, but I couldn’t let him hurt you. I’d die before I let anyone hurt you again, not him, not your father, not Max, not anyone. You have to understand. I love –” 

And then it’s all over. You’re not sure who moves first, but you think it might be you. The butterflies are rustling and thundering and screeching inside you and you kiss him. And Joel kisses back, devouring your mouth in his. You grab the back of his graying brown hair and pull him as close to you as you think is humanly possible. He cradles the back of your head so gently you almost lose your breath. And you are kissing and kissing and kissing and kissing. There is nothing else in the universe except this kiss. You have never felt anything like this in your life. It is like every butterfly inside you has gone silent. It is like the world has stopped just for you and something new is forming inside you.

Joel killed that vile man for you. To keep you safe. Like he always said or showed that he would. He gave his life away for you. He did the unspeakable for you.

He bites down on your bottom lip and all your brain can manage to coherently think is: more, harder .

But then Joel is breaking away from you slowly.

NO! your heart cries out, the delicious pleasure and pain draining away from you. The butterflies swarm dangerously inside your chest, worse with every inch he travels from your lips.

“Joel,” you whine. “What? You…you don’t want–”

“Don’t even say that, Y/N,” he growls dangerously. “Of course I want you. How could I not? I have spent my entire life wanting you in some capacity, baby, but I ain’t no good for you either, alright? I…” he says slowly like it takes every inch of his body to agree to say this. “I am not a good man, Y/N. I never have been. I’ve done wrong in every chapter of my life. You deserve someone much better. I don’t want to hurt you. Physically or mentally. Our history… The damage I’ve done…” he trails off.

“You don’t understand,” you swallow, tears forming in your eyes. “You have already loved and hurt me more than any human being on planet Earth. And yet somehow there is nothing you could do that would keep me away from you, don’t you get that? The Joel Miller I love is not a good man and I don’t care. I want all of you. All of the pretty and crooked pieces you try to hide away from me. You killed a man with your bare hands, arguably one of the worst things a human can do, and I don’t care. I still want you, Joel. Maybe even more because of it. No one has ever loved me the way you do and that is the love I want and it terrifies me.”

A single tear falls down Joel’s right cheek. You reach up to wipe it away, but Joel grabs your hand on the way reflexively, so you help him wipe his own tears away. 

“I love you,” you whisper.

“I would move the Earth for you,” Joel whispers back.

“I know,” you nod. “I’ve always known. I–”

But he is kissing you again before you can say another word, like a man starved. You hold onto his cheeks, your fingers caressing his stubbly beard. 

“ Joel,” you whine when you break for air.

“I wanted this so badly,” he says softly, grinning a lopsided grin. “Can’t believe this is real.”

“Me too,” you giggle.

You have to lean up a bit, but you press your forehead to his gently.

“Oh, baby,” Joel smirks. “You’ve made me the happiest man alive, ya know that? You like

it when I go a little rough, honey?” he smirks down at you in satisfaction, reading your mind.

You have to stop yourself from getting lost in the warm pools of his brown eyes, your panties soaked.

He reaches an affectionate hand down to rub your side softly.

“This okay, babygirl?” he coos, massaging his hand down your torso.

“I’d let you do anything to me, don’t you know?” you snicker. “Pain or pleasure, it’s all the same to me. I like all of that. I just want you so bad.”

“Think a safe word is in order,” Joel grins, leaning down to kiss your neck. “How about ‘butterflies?’” you suggest. 

“Sounds good to me, baby,” he grins, looking genuinely happy for the first time in hours. 

He leans down and places a calloused hand around your throat, not squeezing (yet – you hope) and plants soft kisses and bites down your expanse of skin. 

“All mine,” he mutters into your skin. “My beautiful babygirl.”

You feel his erection pressing against you through his black dress pants which makes you moan softly.

His hand trails over your crotch and he starts rubbing over the tight fabric of your red dress.

“That okay?”

“Yes,” you whine. “Want more, Daddy.”

Oh shit. You don’t mean to say it like that! You know it is about ten levels of fucked up to call Joel that, but how is it your fault that in every fantasy that’s how you think of him? You figure you’re probably past the point of weird and every other standard of decency, but you’re still afraid.

“Sorry…” you mumble. “I–”

“No, no, baby,” Joel says quickly. “It’s alright, you can call me whatever you want. I don’t mind, sweetheart.”

“You think it’s weird,” you mumble again, further stupid tears forming in your eyes.

He snickers. 

“Baby, I think we’re beyond weird at this point. Let me show you how turned on it makes me.”

Joel takes your hand and places it on his crotch. He takes your left hand, the one with the scar and you cringe a little, but he is rock-hard.

That’s good because you’re positively drenched.

“You’re okay, sweetheart. Daddy likes that more than you know, alright?”

You take your hand back, smiling, but you cover your scarred finger, shocked he will allow this fantasy for you.

“Whatcha hidin’ from me, baby?” he asks, noticing the positioning of your hands.

“I hate that scar on my finger. ‘S so ugly,” you admit.

Joel looks flabbergasted. 

“That’s the last damn thing I think of when I look at you. Ugly? Who in the fuck told you that?”

“How it got there is ugly. It’s marred skin, looks gross,” you mumble.

Joel moves to take out his cock, and when you nod he unzips and unbuttons his dress pants, pulling out his length. You have fantasized about his cock for god knows how long so you are more than excited to see it. He reaches to place your left hand with the scarred fingers around the length of his dick, which is thick, but longer than you expected. The leaking head is almost purple and your mouth begins to water as you stroke him gently.

“It’s part of you,” Joel tells you, his eyes connecting with yours. “I love it. It shows you survived. Gonna jerk off to it, Daddy loves it so much. And when I’m done you’re gonna love it too. Swear I’ve got so many over the years I can barely even count ‘em. Even got a few on my middle finger. Maybe even one from a certain guitar pick you made me. Nothing like that could ever make me stop wanting you, ya know that, right?”

You smile and take your time stroking him, wanting to show him how much you love and care for him, scars and all.

He grunts softly, closing his eyes, but then shoos your hand away with a feverish kind of want. 

“Yeah, touch yourself now, baby. Daddy wants to see how wet you are for him. With that scarred finger. C’mon, now. ‘S gonna make you feel so good.”

You do as you’re told and reach down underneath your dress and begin to touch yourself, especially with your middle finger. You stroke your clit and then your dripping wet slit. You moan softly as Joel’s eyes rake over you, taking in every sigh and groan you emit. The butterflies are forming something big inside you, which presses against the inside of your tummy and ribcage.

“Daddy,” you whine.

“Enough, little one,” Joel whispers. 

He takes out your hand and begins to suck the slick off of each of your fingers, groaning deeply, making intense eye contact the whole time.

“Fuck, angel,” he moans, having a tough time keeping himself together, you can tell. “Taste and smell better than like how I pictured. Like you were fuckin’ made for me, I swear.”

He reaches a hand of his own down to stroke himself and his moans become more desperate. Finally, he sucks on your middle finger covered in your slick and groans so deeply you feel like you might cum untouched. He stares into your eyes. 

“ Mine, ” he growls possessively. “Oh, shit! Gonna–”

Then he takes your left hand and leads it to meet his throbbing cock. You stroke him, harder this time, fisting his thick length, moaning softly and that does it for him.

Joel cums all over your hand, oozing white globs of cum over your fingers, once, twice, three times. 

“Fuuuuuck, babygirl,” he groans. “Oh, shit, I’m so sorry! Couldn’t help it. Yeah, suck it off, baby. That’s it,” he commands, and you do, licking up all of his cum, even the part that got on your middle finger. 

When Joel comes down he still looks half-crazed with desire.

“Sorry about the, uh, early release. It’s been a while since anyone touched me,” he babbles in embarrassment, his cheeks flushed pink. “But I don’t wanna hear shit about your gorgeous hands ever again, you hear me, babygirl?”

“Yes, Daddy,” you nod, snickering. 

He looks like that one word has set his entire universe back in order again. You honestly don’t care at how fast Joel came. You love how much it shows he wants you. And his heady taste is making you weak. You could taste him for days and days and never get tired, you’re sure.

“Can still get you off though, don’t worry. Shoulda let you cum first, but I couldn’t help it with the things you do to me. Goddamn. Can Daddy eat your pussy, baby?”

You grin, but then your face falls. 

“Didn’t shave,” you admit, feeling dirty. 

Max hates your hair down there.

Joel looks at you in confusion.

He laughs, his face scrunching up.

“Oh, sweetheart. You think I care about that? Only little boys give a shit about things like that. Not men.”

You shiver.

“Really?”

“Of course I don’t care. Didn’t ya hear what I just said? C’mon now. You can lie down on the couch.”

You follow instructions, pulling your dress over your head to reveal white lace panties and no bra. 

You move to take the panties off, but Joel stops you, staring at the lines and curves of your body. 

“Jesus, fuck,” he growls, taking you in.

You think you see his cock twitch ever so slightly. He palms his softening length instinctively.

“Beautiful,” he snarls, pushing you back on the sofa. 

You happily fall backward. 

He lies on top of you, his white button-down shirt pressing against your naked body tantalizingly. 

He bites your lips roughly and you groan against him.

“Daddy’s mouth,” he commands against you.

“Yeah, duh, Daddy,” you snicker.

As if he even needs to say it! 

He kisses down your neck expertly and you begin to shiver and whine, your pussy aching with need and neglect.

He stops at your breasts, sucking and biting each one.

“Daddy’s tits,” he declares, snaking a finger over the lace panties that protect your clit. “Of course,” you respond, moaning softly, grinding needily against him.

He continues lower, licking down your breasts and over your tummy which he plants with kisses that tickle and then one hard bite on your hip that leaves behind teeth marks.

“Daddy’s body,” he impresses upon you.

“Yes, Daddy. Only yours.”

“No more of that little shithead, Max,” he snarls, an inch above your clit.

“No more Max,” you repeat as he presses kisses down your pussy, still covered by soaked white lace panties. 

“Only Daddy.”

“Only you.”

“Good girl,” he growls.

He finally removes your panties and begins to eat and suck your clit and pussy so hard and enthusiastically, swirling his tongue around your bundles of nerves that you grow exponentially closer by the second.

“Joel,” you whine. “Oh my God.”

It doesn’t take long. The second his calloused hand is pressing a finger and then two inside of you it’s over. You were so needy for him that you could have even cum from just his mouth alone, but his hands are what send you over the edge. And something different happens as orgasm crashes down upon you. The butterflies all join together and transform into something bigger and softer, caressing your insides, cooing. It feels like a breathing white dove is spreading its wings inside you, the tips of its feathers brushing against your rib cage. And you cum harder than you ever have in your life. 

Pleasure engulfs you in currents, facilitated by the gentle flapping from deep

inside your body.

“ Joel,” you moan. “Oh my God. Daddy, pleaseee–”

“Please what, baby? Make my princess cum again? I would eat that pretty little clit and

pussy every day for the rest of my life if I could, fuck. God, so perfect and you’re so fuckin’ tight. Look how fucking hard you make me, angel.”

He takes one of your hands and places it on his half-hardening cock. Not going to lie, you are partially shocked at his recovery, but another part of you seems to know that if there was anyone in the universe that could do that to him it had to be you. 

“Never got hard again from anyone I’ve ever fucked before…” he trails off dreamily like he can read your thoughts. “You’re so gorgeous, babygirl.”

“Not so bad yourself, handsome,” you tell him lazily, pressing a kiss to the side of his mouth as you pull him closer to you. 

The heat from his body keeps you so warm and tender and for a moment you lie on the couch, Joel’s still-clothed body pressed to yours.

“Can you fuck me, Joel?” you ask, squirming against him needily.

“You can’t say that shit to me, baby,” Joel groans, his cock getting harder. “Not quite ready yet.”

“Lemme help you out,” you offer, pouting. 

You reach down and stroke his half-hard length and then bend over and press a gentle kiss to the tip of his cock.

Joel swears, staring down at you with so much adoration it pours off his face. No man has ever looked at you like that before. You’re certain. Perhaps no man ever will again? Not like that.

“Shit, baby,” Joel babbles stupidly, his eyes threatening to swallow you up in that beautiful shade of umber. “Never gonna forget this moment,” he grunts as you begin to suck his cock properly, feeling it slowly get hard enough to throb between your lips with each thrust of your head and gluck of your throat. 

You stare up at him, your eyes wide and wanting and Joel lets out a soft, vulnerable moan as you begin to really suck him and take him down the walls of your throat.

“ Unh , babygirl, fuck,” he whines and you have never quite heard Joel so desperate before. “Gotta pull out or I’m gonna cum. Holy fuck.” 

It sounds just like it did the night you accidentally spied on him jerking off. 

“You’ve been thinking about me a lot, huh, Daddy?” you ask, releasing Joel from your mouth like he wanted, though his hips buck forward ever so slightly with desire, the tip of his cock just barely scraping against your mouth. He grunts.

“Maybe so,” he replies, looking a little guilty. “Don’t know how not to these days.”

“Heard you on the couch last night,” you whine yourself. “Had to touch myself ‘cuz of it, Daddy. I’m sorry.”

Joel reaches out a hand to cup your crotch and rub against your slick pussy.

“That’s so fuckin’ naughty, baby,” he groans. “Look how wet that made you. All for me.”

You steal a glance at his cock and find that the tip is weeping too. And he is so fucking big compared to the size of your hand. Fuck!

“You were thinking about me, weren’t you?” you whisper.

“All about you, baby,” Joel nods in agreement, his hips twitching ever so slightly. “‘Bout touching you just like this.”

He slinks two big fingers inside you and you moan deliciously, the feathery wings of the newly-formed dove fluttering against your insides. 

“Gotta stretch you a bit more,” he grunts into your throat, pushing in a third finger. “Daddy’s so big and you’re so tight, angel. Don’t wanna hurt ya. Not too bad at least. Not yet…That’s it, pretty girl, fuck,” he grins when you slide back on his thumb in pleasure which had traveled to the rim of your asshole “Good girl, so good for Daddy. So naughty too. Don’t think Daddy won’t punish you.”

“Want you to hurt me, Daddy,” you moan. “When you fuck me. Please fuck me hard. I want all of you – pain and pleasure. One hundred percent Joel. Joel, please, I need–” 

And Joel does stop for a moment.

“Never hurt you in a way you didn’t beg for,” he tells you seriously. “You know that right, baby?”

You stop your rutting against him and look into his eyes.

“Are you kidding? You would protect me with your dying breath. I know that, Joel. Never been afraid of you since I’ve really known you. Not once. I mean: fuck; you gave up your whole life for me. To keep me safe, for fuckssake. In every word you say and don’t say to me I can feel how much you love me.”

 “I do love you so much, babygirl,” he whispers, nuzzling your forehead. “If I had to, I’d do all of it all over again if it meant I’d get you. I’ve made mistakes, big ones, but protecting you, loving you was never one of them.” 

Warm tears trail down your cheeks, but Joel licks and kisses them away. 

“Wanna feel me inside you?” he asks. “Don’t wanna go too fast, but I need you, baby. Needed you for so long…Sweet little pussy’s just cryin’ for Daddy, huh? Gonna fit me just like a glove, I just know it — if you wanna…”

“Yes, please, fuck me, Daddy! Please, Joel Wanna feel you—ah!” you moan as Joel shoves his entire length into your pussy in one hard thrust eagerly. “Oh my God, please fuck me harder!” you moan, reeling from the deep blend of pain and pleasure of him sinking inside you, clenching down around the thickness of him. “Joel, please!”

He pauses, sweat glistening on his brow, sneering.

“You really want harder?”

You shiver. The way he says that makes your heart beat wildly in your ears.

“Because babygirl, I would treat you like porcelain if you want it so. I will never hurt you, my angel, my gift from god, my goddamn sweetest heart please know I will break my fucking hands before they would hurt you, before I would ever hurt you in a way that you didn’t want, no matter how much it hurt me. Do you understand me?”

“Of course, Joel. But you want it too,” you smirk. “You aren’t innocent in this, are you?”

“Fuck, of course i’m not innocent. I want you, babygirl. In every way there is to want another. Want every inch of you, inside and out. Wanna mark you up so the world knows you’re mine, honey. Want everyone to smell me on you and know I marked you, moved in you, darlin’, please, see, I’m no fucking Hemingway, I didn’t go to college, I’m not like you with words, but I need you to understand that I mean this with my whole chest and heart. Really, I’m not a big talker, never was, babygirl, but I need you to understand I—”

  “I do, you dumbass fucking fool!” you shout, giggling at his desperation. “I’d understand you even if you were speaking another language. You’ve made your intentions loud and clear. I don’t want a Hemingway, I want Joel Miller!”

You pull him in for a kiss and he thrusts in you again a second time and you end up moaning clumsily in his mouth, but you can feel him smiling , smiling like some dumb idiot against you and maybe you called him the correct insult because he is a dumbass fucking fool for you. And it turns out you must be one as well because you are smiling like an idiot for him too.

“ Joel,” you moan as he begins to move inside you, hitting deep places that Max or any of your previous exes never went. Pleasure is tracing itself along the line of your stomach. “Oh my god, I love you so much,” you babble and you’ve never meant that more than you do now.

You can feel Joel coming apart above you, plowing into you, sighing deeply. His grunts and moans and thrusts spur on the intense pleasure. 

“More!” you moan. “Oh my god. Harder, please, I need–”

Joel plants rough bites on your neck and kisses too like he’s trying to consume every inch of you. 

He places a large hand around your throat questioningly and you nod.

“Beg for it,” he commands in his deep, sexy voice — the voice that’s been in every wet dream you’ve ever had. You think you might just pass out from the sound alone. 

“Choke me, Daddy,” you whine as pathetically as you possibly can, batting your eyes. “Oh, please, I could cum from just this, but I want more. More of you. All of you.”

“As you fuckin’ wish, baby,” he snickers in amusement. “Bet no little boy ever fucked you like this, huh?” he growls, continuing his rough pace, slamming against your walls, his eyes growing wild.

“They don’t compare to you, Joel. It’s always been you. In every orgasm. Fuck, never felt like this! Shit! Shit!”

Joel reaches out his large scarred hand and applies gentle delicious pressure to your throat. You know even something like this can be dangerous, but you crave that feral look of violence in his eyes and the power that comes with it. You want him to own you completely – every inch of you. You want him to mark you just like he said he wanted to because he is yours and you are his and has it ever really been any other way? You can’t remember properly from the pleasure rushing through you, the white dove inside you spreading and fluttering its wings, cooing softly. You think it’s only ever been what you feel now.

“Joel, Joel, fuck!” you scream, orgasm building in you.

“I know, babygirl. I know,” he coos himself into your mouth.

He pulls you closer, presses his nose to yours, his lips to yours, biting and kissing like a starving man possessed. He looks into your eyes and it’s there! That look of pure predator closing in on its prey, that look of ownership but also the most intense love you think you’ve ever witnessed. You would recognize that look anywhere. Your starved brain cries out for oxygen beneath his iron grip. 

“Gonna cum again, angel,” Joel growls. “Gonna make you cum so hard you’re never gonna forget who you belong to. Whose pretty pussy this is.”

He is pounding so hard against your cervix and his dick is so big inside you and the pressure of his hand squeezing around you is so overwhelming and the scent of him could make you faint straight then and there, but you let go and feel yourself cumming in enormous waves as you squeeze down around Joel’s prick, the pleasure more intense than any single bodily experience you’ve had.

“ Daddy ,” you whine breathlessly, tears trickling out of your eyes. “Oh my god!”

“You’re mine, babygirl, always have been–FUCK!” he shouts into your throat, collapsing on top of you.

And then you feel him starting to empty himself inside you, painting your sensitive insides with trustful after trustful of hot cum. You’ve never felt so helplessly full and sticky in your life, the brilliant pleasure billowing through every inch of you. You want to feel like this every day, stuffed full of Joel’s cock, so close to him you can feel his heartbeat against yours, the one true place you belong. 

“So beautiful, babygirl,” he whispers in an exhausted type of awe.

When your words come back you reply,

“Shut up, you’re the hot one,” through a snicker. 

You look down at your body, covered in purple bite marks and bruises forming like galaxies across your body. 

Joel snorts. Then he sits up on the couch and you lean your cheek against him. You lean up to kiss his cheek and he blushes ever so slightly.

“I said a lot of stuff, Y/N, but I want you to know that I meant all of it,”

“Yeah, you probably said more in the last hour than you’ve ever uttered in your entire life,” you tease, sitting up.

“I’m serious,” he snickers.

“I am and was too,” you nod. “I’m so glad that you’re here with me — that we did this. I know that our…origin story is weird and unconventional and some might argue straight up wrong, but I need you, Joel. I don’t care about that or think I could go back to pretending to be what we were.”

“You think I’d want you to act like that?” he asks incredulously. “You think I want this to just be a one-time thing?”

“Of course not,” you smirk. “But as close as we are I can’t actually read your mind. I mean…how are we going to be together realistically?”

“I’m not sure,” Joel admits, frowning a little. “For now it has to be a secret unless you want your mother or brother in jail for murdering me this time around. But someday, I dunno. It’s dumb…”

“What?”

“I just have these thoughts sometimes about you ‘n me. I…” Joel’s cheeks turn a bit pink. “Had a lot of time to think in prison, you know? And I’d Imagine us living on a ranch somewhere quiet out in the country with a flock of sheep. I could work at the tractor and auto-body repair shop that’d be out there, you know, in this dream of mine, and you could be a counselor at a local school if that’s what ya wanted. I don’t know, l know it sounds silly, but nobody would know or bother us there. But I want you to finish school and have the best life possible, babygirl. I’d wait a thousand years for you, but if you didn’t want me anymore the way we are now, I’d respect that. And if you’d allow it, I’d still be there for you just in a platonic sense — or just there for you however you want because I can’t imagine my life with you in it. I’d do whatever it takes, brokenhearted or not. I just can’t be separated from you like that again. A day longer in prison and I could’ve keeled over and died. And it’s crazy how much I mean that.”

“I don’t ever want to be separated from you again, Joel,” you agree. “I know the original plan was for you to find work and get an apartment of your own and I would love for that to still happen, but with you being intimate with me in every way – even if it has to be a secret. I don’t pretend to know what the future holds, but I need you in mine. I’ve never needed something more than I need that. Understand?”

Joel pulls you into a hug and leans his chin on the top of your head. He kisses it then your forehead. You lean up and plant a kiss on his throat and then his Adam’s apple.

“Don’t mean to get too ahead of ourselves now. We can take things a day at a time,” he mumbles into your skin.

You yawn contentedly, the tiredness clawing at your eyes, so unbelievably spent.  

“I like hearing about your dreams and I’d go anywhere with you, Joel. But I am kinda dead from how good you just fucked me. Take me to bed?” You ask exhaustedly into his chest.

“Of course, babygirl,” he smirks down at you.

***

You don’t let go of Joel all night long, burrowed up against his chest, his heartbeat against your ear. And he doesn’t let go of you either. After the most intimate night of cuddles and snuggling you’ve ever experienced as well as the deepest and most restful sleep you’ve had in ages, you wake up to Joel gone from the bed. You frown, having wanted more than anything to wake up in his strong arms. Fear grips your insides as you wonder if he finally realized last night was a mistake and that you were never meant to be together in the first place (what you fear more than anything). A stupid vulnerable tear comes to your eye, but then you cock your head and hear music playing. Guitar music. 

You think of your apartment as shitty, but truthfully you care deeply about your little private space and one of the things you do actually love the most about it is the tiny balcony that overlooks a measly courtyard and part of the city. That’s where you find Joel in the deck chair holding his guitar, strumming it lazily.

“Mornin’, beautiful,” he says, fingerpicking a melody that scratches at the back of your mind with familiarity. 

“Morning, handsome,” you tell him softly, plopping your smaller hand down on his shoulder. 

The city hasn’t woken up yet, the soft glow of morning shining beams of light onto you and Joel, filling you with warmth. You sit down in the deck chair next to him, bathing in the sunlight.

“Whatcha playing?” you ask curiously, crouching to sit up on your knees.

“You know the song ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen?” Joel asks in that beautifully deep voice of his. 

He isn’t even singing yet but you could listen to him forever. 

“‘Course,” you nod. “It’s a classic. You used to play it for me once in a blue moon.”

“Know what the word ‘Hallelujah’ actually means?” he asks. 

You think about it for a second.

“It’s about praising god and all that, right? Why d’you ask?”

He pauses, both his words and fingerpicking. 

“Babygirl,” he begins and you can tell he’s about to say something serious. “You know I’m not too good with words, but I need you to know this: I’ve never had much to thank god for in my life, except for Sarah, you know? But then He took her away…”

You place your hand on Joel’s and he looks at you sadly, but appreciatively. He flips it over and holds it in his giant paw of his own marked-up hand. 

“And I was so fucking angry. Nothing left in me. The only good part of me gone. I was a broken man. And I hated Him. But then He, despite the shit I’ve done…He gave me you . And I know our road hasn’t been easy or fair, and the pain you’ve felt and I have felt but…I guess what I’m trying to say is you are the reason I believe that any type of…goodness— of holiness— can exist in this universe. And I’m not a religious man, I don’t believe in most of that dogmatic type of shit, and I don’t think you do either, but I do think someone or something is up there and I wanna thank them for you. Does that make sense? Do you wanna hear what I mean? I just feel so damn grateful.”

A tear you hadn’t noticed was there rolls down your cheek. 

“Of course it does and of course I do,” you tell him.

You think perhaps this is the closest thing he can do to bearing his soul to you. 

And then he leans over and kisses the tear away and begins to fingerpick the familiar melody.

♪ “I heard there was a secret chord…”♫

You listen to his deep weathered voice as the sun grows higher in the morning sky, casting both light and shadow over Joel’s wrinkled, handsome face. The light trails over you too. You feel the dove inside you cooing contentedly, dusting its wings gently against the edges of your insides. 

♪There's a blaze of light in every word / It doesn't matter which you heard / The holy or the broken Hallelujah…”♫

When he finishes he places his large, scarred, calloused hand in yours and you hold it between your own scarred fingers.

“Thank you, Joel,” you tell him, meaning every word. “I think there’s hope for us, you know? I don’t believe in hippie-dippie type stuff, but something in this universe did bring us together. And I’ll be forever grateful for that too, ya know?”

Joel squeezes your smaller hand, his big fingers engulfing yours as the dove coos louder inside you.

“Babygirl, you know that I ain’t a good man, or a rich and educated one like maybe you thought you’d end up with, but I am less of a broken one because of you and I’m never letting you go. If we’re together, I think we have a chance.”

A/n:PLEASE COMMENT LIKE REBLOG IM BEGGING IM PLEADING IM CRYING DID THE SMUT LIVE UP TO YOUR DREAMS????

PART 1

PART 3 (coming soon)

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[harknessxo]

Too Sweet

Paring: Dom!Hela Odindottir x sub!reader

Summary: She finds you talking to a guard in the garden and makes you cum until she’s satisfied as a punishment.

Warnings; mistress kink, punishment, praise/degradation kink, light spanking, fingering, vibrator, overstimulation, girl penis, breeding kink, cunnilingus, a little aftercare.

Word Count:

A/n: This is my first Hela fanfic!

You were roaming around the castle’s garden, trying to pass the time. Hela was currently in a Royal meeting, leaving you to fend for yourself. It was really boring without her but looking at all the beautiful flowers helped. You started picking some to make a flower crown for her for when she was done when one of the guards thought it was a good idea to talk to you.

“Hey sweet thing, what are you doing all alone?” The man dumbly asked.

“I don’t think you should be talking to me-” you stammered out. He smirked at your response, stepping closer to you.

“Why’s that? Is there a reason you’re so nervous?” You immediately took a step back.

“Look, she’s going to be out any minute now, please go.” He chuckled, taking another step closer to you.

“Who is ‘she’? Your mother?”

“She’s talking about me.” Hela says from behind the idiotic man. The man immediately tenses and you do the same, knowing what was to come. He slowly turns around to face her, the smirk completely wiped off his face.

“M-my queen! I didn’t see you there!”

“You have five seconds to get out of my sight before I shred you into nothing.” She said coldly. He didn’t need to be told twice. He was out of the garden in less than a second, not even looking back. Hela then turned her attention to you, a cold look in her eyes.

“And what were you doing?”

“I was j-just picking flowers to make you a c-crown…” You stuttered, showing her the flowers you had picked out. She took the flowers from your hand, inspecting them.

“I see,” she said, her cold look slowly fading away as she wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close to her side, “But that doesn’t make up for the fact that you were talking to a man. You know the rules.”

“B-but he came to me and I was trying to send him away-” you immediately started to explain. She placed a finger under your chin, tilting your head up so you were looking at her.

“You still shouldn’t have been talking to him. I thought you knew better, pet.”

“Please, mistress-” She smirked as she saw you pleading with her. She loved it when you begged her.

“You know I don’t give second chances when it comes to breaking my rules, pet. I think you need a punishment to remind you who you belong to.”

“…yes, mistress,” you said, defeated. She chuckled and began to walk, pulling you along with her into her chambers.

“Good girl. Now let’s see…what kind of punishment will you be getting…” You dreaded any type of punishment from her. She always had extreme punishments in store yet you secretly enjoyed them. Once inside the room, she ordered you to take off your clothes while she sat down on the bed before pulling you into her lap. She started to play with your hair as she thought about a suitable punishment for you.

“Oh I know exactly what you need,” she slid you off her lap, going to her closet and pulling out a box you knew too well.

“Mistress, please-” you pleaded again, knowing too well what she was going to do.

“Oh, you’re begging already? We’ve barely even started, pet,” She chuckled and sat down on the bed again, patting her lap as a signal for you to lay across it. You obeyed quickly, not wanting to get a worst punishment. She put your arms behind your back and tied them together with a silk rope. After she slowly started tracing her fingers over your naked skin, making you shiver.

“I’m going to fuck this little cunt until I am satisfied and you’re going to take everything I give you. I’ll make sure to make you come until you beg me to stop, understood?”

“Y-yes, mistress.” She smiled in satisfaction. She then moved her fingers towards your soaked pussy, dipping them in your wetness.

“Would you look at that? For someone who doesn’t like to be punished, you sure are soaked by the mere thought.” She wasted no time before thrusting two fingers inside with a relentless pace right off the bat. You whine pathetically, embarrassed by wet noises your pussy was making.

“Don’t be embarrassed, darling. I love how your pussy sounds and it’s such a pretty sound,” She started to pick up the pace, knowing just how to make you fall apart in a matter of seconds.

“Ahh! Mistress!”

“That’s it. I love it when you’re a whiny little mess for me. You’re such a good little slut for me, aren’t you?” She continued to thrust her fingers in and out of you at an unrelenting pace, curling them every time she was fully inside you. You came almost immediately after her taunting comment, your juices gushing out. She helped you ride it out and then pulled her fingers out, giving your cheeks a hard smack. She watched you try to catch your breath, then she smacked your ass again, leaving another red hand print.

“That was just one orgasm, darling. We’re not even close to being done yet,” you trembled at the reminder. She waved her hands and a vibrator apparently in her hand. She started rubbing the tip of the toy over your folds, making sure to tease you before turning it on to the highest setting and shoving it inside you.

“Ah!” You yelped at the sudden roughness. She chuckled as you yelped, using her other hand to keep your hips in place.

“What’s the matter, pet? Can’t handle a little toy?”

“I- I can-” You said, wanting to please her. She grabbed your hair pulling it up, forcing you to look at her. She smirked again.

“Prove it then, darling.” She started thrusting the toy in and out of you. You found it very difficult not to squirm to get away. You were someone who would get really sensitive after just one orgasm and she knew that. She knew how sensitive you were, which is why she kept the toy on high, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to handle it. She watched your face, taking in all your expressions and moans as you tried to keep yourself from coming again.

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to cum again?” You wanted to but you knew it would only get worse from there. She knew exactly what you were thinking and it amused her.

“Come on, pet. Don’t hold back on me. I know you want to cum again. I can tell by how much you’re shaking.” You immediately let go, too tired to hold back anymore. She smirked as you finally came, a look of satisfaction on her face as she turned the toy off.

“There’s a good little slut. That’s the second one. How many more do you think you can handle?”

“N-no more-” She chuckled, moving her hand up to your face and cupping your chin.

“Oh pet, you’re not getting a choice. You’re going to take whatever I give you, whether you like it or not.” She picked you up and threw you in the bed, tying your hands to the headboard now. She started taking her clothes off to reveal her already hardened cock. You clenched your thighs together at the sight. She noticed you clenching your thighs together and chuckled.

“There’s no getting away from this pet,” she knelt on the bed in between your legs, roughly spreading them apart. You clenched your eyes tightly, trying to embrace yourself to take her. She’s never been gentle when she fucked you, not even when her cock was as big as it was but you liked it. It still didn’t make it any easier for you. She ran her hands over your body, appreciating the sight of you being all tied up and spread out for her. She then grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at her.

“Look at me while I’m fucking you. Understand?”

“Yes, mistress.” She smirked and gave your cheek a light slap before moving her hands to your hips, digging her nails into your skin. She then positioned herself at your entrance, teasing you a little bit before finally pushing inside with a deep groan.

“Uugh!” She bottomed out, a belly bulge forming as she did. She looked down at your belly, a satisfied smirk on her face as she placed her hand on the bulge, gently rubbing it with her thumb. She let out another groan, loving the feeling of you clenching around her.

“Gods, you feel so good, pet…” You tugged at the silk rope, wanting to touch her in anyway but it was useless. She chuckled at your attempts to get out of the restraints, clearly enjoying the sight of you all helpless and needy. She then grabbed your legs, putting them over her shoulders before starting to pound into you with a rough and fast pace.

“P-please! Slow d-down!” You cried out, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Why would I do that, pet?” She said in between groans, ignoring your pleas and continuing to thrust into you at a relentless pace. She wanted to ruin you, make you cry out for her and forget everything except her name. She was determined to get what she wanted.

Her cock kept hitting your g-spot, over and over again and soon you came on her cock for the third time of the night. She kept going, even after you came again. She was close to her own release but wanted to make you come undone once more before she did. She gripped your hips tightly, her thrusts getting even more sloppy as she chased her own orgasm.

“Tell your mistress how much you want her to cum inside you.” She commanded in between pants.

“I…I want-” you couldn’t get the words out with how fucked out you were.

“Come on, pet. Use your words. I know you can do it.” She gave a particularly hard thrust, trying to coax the words out of you.

“Haah! C-cum inside me m-mistress!” She let out a low growl at your words, her pace becoming erratic as she started to near her release. She leaned down and began leaving marks all over your neck and chest, claiming you as hers.

“Good girl. Good slut…” She came with a groan, fucking her load deep inside your guts, making sure not to waste a drop. She stayed buried inside you for a moment, riding out her orgasm before slowly pulling out. She looked down at your ruined form, admiring the way her cum was spilling out of you.

“You did so good, pet. Such a good little slut for me,” she started rubbing her cum all over your pussy lips, “But you still owe me one more,” she waved her hand once again and a toy you knew too well appeared in her hand.

“No! Please! No more!” It was another vibrator but this one was different. Every time Hela used it on you, you came hard almost immediately and you’d be sobbing by the end. She loved to see you cry which is why she would always save it for last.

“Aw, but you look so beautiful when you’re crying. Besides, I can tell that you’re still being stubborn. You need to be taught a lesson, my darling.” She grabbed your chin again, forcing you to look up at her. She turned the toy on, letting it hum loudly as she brought it to your pussy.

“No, no, no, no- AH!” As soon as the toy made contact with your clit, you could feel your orgasm building up. Hela chuckled at your reaction, loving how sensitive you were to the toy. She started rubbing it against your clit in tight circles, watching you squirm beneath her.

“That’s it. Just give in, pet. Give into the pleasure.”

“Mistress! Please no more!” You squirmed even more.

“You keep begging me to stop, but you know that it’s no use. I know you’re enjoying this, even if you won’t admit it,” she continued to rub the toy against your clit, enjoying the sight of you squirming and trying to get away from the overstimulation. You sobbed hysterically when your fifth orgasm finally washed over you. Your sight was blurred by your tears and you couldn’t feel your legs.

She smiled, satisfied with the result. She finally turned off the toy and set it aside, gently rubbing your thighs to try and calm you down a bit.

“You look so pretty when you cry, darling. All blissed out and ruined. So perfect for me.” She licked your tears away, humming at the salty taste. She then moved down your body, kissing and nipping at it until she reached your ruined pussy. You started to panic, thinking she was going to make you cum again until she shushed you.

“Relax, darling. I’m just cleaning you up,” she said before gently running her tongue through your folds, lapping up her cum that was leaking out of you. You whimpered pathetically every time her tongue made contact with your swollen clit. She chuckled against you, enjoying the sounds you were making. She continued to clean you up, being careful not to overstimulate you too much. Once she was done, she looked up at you, a smirk on her face.

“You taste so good, darling. I think I’m going to have to do this more often.”

“Was I good?” you asked in a small voice. She moved up and untied the rope, gently massaging your wrists to get some blood flowing through them again. She then laid down next to you, pulling you into her arms and nuzzling her face into your neck.

“You were perfect, my love. Too sweet.”

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[mangyraccooon]

Thoughts about Modern day Dragon him being a late diagnosed autistic

Dragon would be one of those people who knew they were different from a young age but never could figure it out because either parents (who didn’t want a ‘different’ child) or becoming so high masking that it was very difficult to tell. (Probably a mix of both)

When Dragon is 40ish he takes luffy to the doctor for a routine checkup.

The doctor tells him his son is most likely autistic.

She also tells him it’s an inherited trait

Dragons reaction is “ah.”

He never thought luffy was different. That wasn’t true he understood luffy was different but it wasn’t a bad thing in his eyes.

Unknowingly at 7 years old dragon put on a mask. It starts to crack 33 years later in a doctor’s office.

The doctor gives him some pamphlets and online resources to go through. He spends the next 24 hours going through it all + several online quizzes.

Only the next morning when he opens his closet fully prepared to go into work: when he sees all his shirts and suit jackets. That he realizes he has no idea who the fuck he is as a person.

Luffy finds him crying in a mess of ripped silks and cotton.

Luffy crawls into his lap and starts telling him about a new beetle species found in South America.

Dragon calls them both in sick and lets his son decide the schedule for the day.

Later that night he goes through old boxes in the attic. Trying to find who the fuck he is- was- could’ve been.

He finds a couple old albums, his guitar, luffys baby blanket and…

Crying is natural and normal, he has to tell himself. You are not weak for crying twice in one day.

The ring is old, it was his mother’s. It had been left with his secretary along with luffy asleep in his bassinet.

“Sometimes I feel like you just put on this face and I don’t even know which one is the real you; or if there is a real you”

He would never know how right he had been.

Dragon quits his job; he can’t stand it anymore. The partners beg him to stay, he’s the best lawyer they have. But the feeling of a suit collar now feels like a noose.

Borsalino is the only one who still contacts him after.

Dragon has money; so much money. Other than luffy and silk shirts that didn’t scrape his skin there was very little dragon spent money on.

So he glides, spends more time with luffy. Falls into a depressive episode so bad he has to stay with his mother. Tsuru purses her lips when he tells her and dragon can’t help but feel a little angry.

“You knew.”

“I suspected.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You seemed to be fine.”

But dragon hadn’t been fine, he had been miserable. It was only now he could see how miserable he had been.

He cooks with his step mother who teaches him how to make a puff pastry. Luffy meets a boy down the street who also loves bugs. Life goes on.

Luffy gets a assessment and official diagnosis

The adhd part wasn’t that surprising to Dragon or anyone within 5 seconds of meeting luffy. his son is (affectionately) a human bounce ball.

Dragon gets an official diagnosis and sends a photo of him posing with it to borsalino. Borsalino sends a photo of himself and an online quiz. And dragon understands not everyone needs the word of a doctor to know who they are.

Garp barges into his life and demands he “stop being a freeloader and get a job.” Before flopping on the couch and doing just that.

Dragon gets the drag bar gig out of spite. Iva is the best worst thing that has ever happened to him. After finding out he knew guitar the queen needled him until he started practicing again out of spite (once again he had to stop using that as motivation)

The guitar strings cut at his fingertips.

Garp sets him up on a blind date, which ends with both him and rouge laughing themselves silly. Apparently garp had taken dragons “I like dick” comment to mean anyone who was in possession of a penis (even if it was silicone.)

He turns 42 and has to valiantly fend off Luffy, Ace and Rouge from eating his rack of ribs.

Iva gets him up on stage eventually (he was fine behind the bar)

He did like the eyeliner though and how his shoulders looked in the dress (but that was a thought for another day)

The band thing was a joke (or started as one) rouge sang, dragon played bass, iva played electric and kuma drummed his heart out.

Then it became less of a joke.

It was late, the porch was empty and the moon twinkled. Dragon cradled the phone in his hands. They had gotten a record deal.

He punched in the number slowly.

He was 45 now, he could do this.

The phone rang as he held it up to his ear.

His palms were sweaty.

Voicemail

“I uh-“ what was he supposed to say? “Hi, it’s been awhile. A long time actually- fuck I think I could tell you the exact date if I wasn’t drunk. But- you probably dont want to hear that huh?” He laughed, his breath coming out in a small cloud in the autumn air.

“So a lot happened, since you left. And I don’t blame you for leaving- just so we are clear. Yeah uhmm. So the band. I’m part of a band now surprise! We got a record deal and it made me realize I still- well that is, when I was told. I realized, your the only one I wanted to tell”

“And not in a bragging way!” He added hastily

A beeping noise, indicating the end of the message

“Wani I-“

But the message ended

-should I make this into an actual thing? Lemme know

[boytearscore]

reason. — johnnie guilbert.

summary: completely unable to show your own feelings to the world after growing up being mocked by your sensitiveness and tears, you face the coldness of your best friend’s roommate (johnnie) without letting it get to you, until one day watching a movie with both, he smiled at you for the first time.

warnings: mention of anxiety, depression, past traumas, psychal abuse, daddy issues, emotional blockage, angst, comedy, strong female lead, a bit of fluffly? we’ll see. (jake as your best friend.)

author's note: i got this idea last night while listening to ''nervous'' by the neighbourhood, strongly recommend you to vibe with it when reading. don't know if it will become a series, though. i'm just testing waters for now.

it was a saturday night, you and your best friend jake were hanging out all day together but he wasn’t feeling like saying goodbye yet. so to change things up a little, he invites you to watch a movie at his house.

“before you say no…” he immediately knew why you rolled your eyes and made his best puppy face. “i got your favorite chocolate at home, a whole box. you can even pick your weird thriller movies, plus it’s way cooler to watch it using our movie room. not tryna brag though.” he laughs and purse his lips. “pretty please…?”

you sigh, giving in. jake was the only person who you would do anything for. he’s been with you through tough times just as much as you’ve been with him and that created a bond between you two that no one could break.

as you both get in the car, you start driving and a few things go through your head while jake was picking a song.

the reason why you didn’t like to hangout at his house was his roommate, johnnie. you both never got along, everything began since the first day you’ve met. you couldn’t help but notice how caring, happy, sweet and all smiles he was around everyone, but you. there’s no explanation, the moment he laid eyes on you, he did nothing but be mean and cold.

but you weren’t some sensitive girl who cries when a boy says mean things, you grew up with that your whole life. no father to rely on, mean brothers and a non confrontational mother. people used to call you ''crybaby'' and that infuriated you, they spitted mean words at your face, saying you were weak and too soft, even using psychal abuse to make you cry on purpose, so much so that you’ve just hardened with time. 

you made a promise to yourself, to be a mirror. to give people what they give you and nothing else.

and that’s exactly what you did with him as well, it seemed to be working, so you didn't really care.

johnnie was in the kitchen next to the living room, grabbing a soda when you and jake arrived. he looks over at the door as you come in, rolling his eyes at the sight of you.

“so fucking nice to see you too.” you give him the same eye roll and proceeded to enter the house, throwing yourself on the couch and letting a sigh out.

johnnie scoffs as you sit down. “how long are you staying for?” he asks, sitting on the couch in front of you and grabbing his phone. 

“want me to leave soon?” you ask him, sarcastically smiling.

“i do want you to leave soon.” he finally looks up from his phone, giving you an annoyed look and you shrug. 

“then i’m staying for a looooong time.”

johnnie just ignores your teasing tone and sips his doctor pepper.  “what exactly are you doing here, anyway?”

you didn’t feel like engaging his little back and forth thing so you just ignored his question and then turned to jake that was just laughing, used to the bickering. he didn’t mind it. it was actually entertaining to him, although he was pretty sure you both would ended up fucking at some point.

“if you sleep while we’re watching the movie i’ll draw a penis on your face.” you threatened jake with your best scary face.

he laughs even harder when you threaten him and johnnie suddenly lets out a snort, but quickly composes himself when you notice.

that surprised you, he never really was a part of conversations when you were around, only to make sarcastic comments or be mean, but this was different, however you brushed it off, it’s not like you care anyways.

“you wouldn’t dare.” jake says, raising an eyebrow at you, a smug smile still on his face.

“watch me.” you whisper to him with squinty eyes, an evil smile creeping on your lips, he just sticks his tongue out at you, jokingly rolling his eyes. 

“fine, i won’t sleep. happy?”

“we shall see, my friend.” you get up and walk towards jake grabbing his hand, the perks of having a rich best friend is that he has an entire movie room in his own house, and of course a whole box of your favorite chocolates. 

as you two start heading to the room, you can’t help but turn your head back a little, looking at johnnie.

“you coming?”

johnnie looks up from his phone, watching you walk off with jake, and is surprised when you turn to ask him if he’s coming. he stands up and puts his phone in his pocket. 

“i guess so.” he mumbles, walking behind you both. he doesn’t say anything else as you three head to the movie room.

you were the first one to enter the room, immediately sitting at the huge comfortable couch, jake was right behind you picking snacks and a soda. he throws the box of chocolates in your lap, giving you a wink and sitting next to you with a diet coke and chips in hands while johnnie got himself comfortable next to jake. you grab your phone connecting to the projector and picking the movie. it was a psychological thriller mixed with comedy, very weird and gory to say at least.

johnnie rolls his eyes as you pick the movie. “course you would pick something like that.” he mutters under his breath. jake laughs and playfully shoves him.

“c’mon, johnnie! give it a chance. thriller movies are fun.”

“you can just leave, though.” you finally reply to johnnie still eyeing the projector screen reflecting on the wall. he roll his eyes and just stays quiet while jake is still laughing. “i’ve heard there’s gross scenes, i’m so excited!” you shake jake’s arm while the movie starts, laying your head on his shoulder and eating a piece of the chocolate bar. 

johnnie groans quietly, watching the screen while trying not to look the proximity between you and his roommate. he didn’t even know why it bothered him so much. 

20 minutes of movie has passed and things already gotten weird and gross, you stared at the screen mesmerised while jake frowned with a disgusted face.

“how can you even enjoy this?” johnnie asks quietly to you, watching as a character behaves weirdly in the scene.

“aw, is that too much for you?” you stare at johnnie, doing the voice adults usually use to talk to children. “do you want me to switch to a cartoon?”

johnnie’s face turns red from embarrassment, but he hides it by rolling his eyes and leaning back into the couch, looking back at the movie.

“i can handle it just fine. i’m just saying i don’t understand how you like that crap.” he mutters, a hint of a blush still on his cheeks.

“since you wanna know so bad…” you start sipping jake’s diet coke, he gives you a dirty stare and you just laugh, proceeding to talk. “it’s not about the gore stuff, it’s about the deep meaning of it, why is the character doing that? i love to contemplate and understand their reasoning, it makes me feel connected to my human side. that’s all.”

johnnie is a bit taken back by your explanation, he honestly expected some stupid answer, not a thoughtful one. he stays quiet for a moment, thinking about what you just said.

“so…  you like these kinds of movies for philosophical reasons?” he says, trying to understand.

“precisely.” you murmur, looking at the screen again.

“reasons...” he whispers to himself lost in thoughts but the scene unfolding in front of you three made his eyes pop, the character insists to engage an “action” with a girl who’s on her period.

“aaaand that's bad timing for all the things i just said, there’s no explanation for that.” you point at the screen, laughing. “this one is just a weirdo, i guess.”

“agreed.” johnnie lets out a quiet laugh. 

johnnie’s laughter was something you’ve never heard before, and that made you smile a little but as soon as you realized it, you turn to jake biting your smile away, he looked utterly disgusted and was dramatically holding back a gag as the scene continues.

“ew, that’s disgusting.” he says, looking a little sick.

“didn’t you accidentally drink your own pee before?” you ask jake, laughing out loud.

“hey!!” jake shoves you lightly, a look of embarrassment on his face. “we promised not to talk about that again.”

johnnie lets out another low laugh, enjoying the interaction between you and his roommate.

“my bad, man.” you say acting like you regretted it. “still a sensitive topic, huh?”

“you’re an ass.” the red head boy rolls his eyes but he’s still laughing as johnnie is watching the two of you, his eyes going back and forth between you and jake, his lips curved in a small smile and you noticed right away, it wasn’t a mean one like always, it was genuine. 

“hey…” you smile at him, not resisting his sudden cuteness. “for someone mean as hell you kind of know how to smile nicely.”

he looks a bit startled, not expecting you to notice his smile and actually say something about it. johnnie can feel his face heat up a bit.

“i’m not always mean, you know.” he tries to defend himself, his voice lacking the usual coldness.

this time, both of you and jake stare at him with a “really?” face. 

“not always around other people, maybe…” you say, shrugging. “to me, yes.”

johnnie’s face turns from a light shade of pink to completely red. he stutters, trying to think of a good comeback but fails, just sitting in an embarrassed silence.

the room turns quiet, just the voices of characters in the background. no one dares to speak. probably because johnnie never smiled around you before, or because you complimented him for the first time, or… because you almost told him how you feel. usually jake is the one who has to listen to you vent, not that johnnie’s behaviour actually wounded you, but because you just didn’t understand his reasons, so you finally ask him.

“why do you hate me so much?” your eyes are glued to his, not giving a fuck about the movie you were so excited to watch for ages.

johnnie suddenly feels the weight of your question hit him. he fidgets a little, feeling a mix of guilt and defensiveness rising within him. he glances at jake, hoping for him to get him out of the situation somehow, but jake just shrugs and motions for him to answer.

he takes a deep breath, his eyes locked with yours. “i… don’t really hate you.” he mutters, barely above a whisper.

you frowned confused. “then why do you act like you do?” this question wasn’t planned though, your heart spoke for you.

he looks away from you, avoiding eye contact, struggling to find the right words and feeling vulnerable under your gaze.

“i… i don’t know. it’s just... easier, i guess. i don’t know how else to act around you.” he finally manages to get out, his voice shaking a bit.

“maybe start by not being a dick.” your tone is sarcastic but you had a smile on your lips, hoping both jake and johnnie couldn’t tell you were trying to light up the mood with your usual ironic humour to not make them uncomfortable. 

jake lets out a laugh, feeling a bit more at ease with the sarcasm. johnnie, however, looks visibly frustrated. he clenches his fists, struggling to keep his cool.

“easier said than done.” he mutters under his breath, his tone cold again.

the smile on your face dropped, something inside you wanted to know his reasons badly, to dig more and more until the truth finally would show itself. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

johnnie notices the smile dropping from your face and feels a pang of guilt. he runs a hand through his hair nervously, avoiding eye contact with you again.

“you wouldn’t get it. it’s just… it’s easier for me to be mean to you than anything else, okay? i don’t know why, but it is.” he says in a low, frustrated voice. “does that satisfy your curiosity?”

“sure.” you whisper, giving up on understanding his heart. maybe that’s why you were so obsessed with trying to figure out misunderstood movie characters, they reminded you of people in real life. they reminded you of… johnnie. you wanted to be able to find out why he’s like that with you, but he built walls around him when it comes to your presence. no matter how hard you try, he never will let you in.

you sigh, letting your head fall on jake’s shoulder again and paying attention to the movie in silence, he watches you put your head on jake’s shoulder, feeling a mix of disappointment and frustration. he wanted to say more, to explain himself further, but he couldn't find the words.

jake wraps an arm around you, sensing the tension in the room, and squeezes your shoulders gently. he glances at johnnie, trying to give him a subtle ‘fix-this’ look, but johnnie just looks away.

the rest of the movie continues in tense silence. johnnie remains quiet, lost in his own thoughts, while jake tries to lighten the mood with occasional jokes or comments about the movie.

you, on the other hand, was fighting a war inside your head. it’s either caring about the conversation that just happened or move on completely, you were divided between those two things, but then the past rushes through your head, when you used to care and show everyone how much you were hurt. in order to change, a lot of tears were shred.

and that’s why you are the way you are now, if people don’t wanna talk, you do not force them to, why tell them how you feel if they don't care and probably will use it against you at some point? plus it’s not like you had hoped things would change between you two.

the credits start to roll, signalling the end of the movie. jake looks between you and johnnie, noticing the lingering tension in the room.

“well, that was definitely something.” he says, trying to lighten the mood again and johnnie just nods silently, his gaze fixed on the now-empty screen.

“he killed everyone in order to get the life he wanted.” you start talking. “he also drank his friend’s bath water and went down on his sister while she was on her period.” you bite your lip and smile at jake. “i’ll be thinking about that for a while…”

jake burst into laughter, remembering the scenes you mentioned. “yeah, that was pretty messed up. but the whole drinking the dirty bath water scene made me lose my shit!” he laughs again, wiping a tear from his eye.

johnnie tries to not show a reaction, but he visibly cringes and lets out a soft “ugh” at the memory.

“bro, the slurping sounds got to me.” your laugh was so loud and genuine that jake couldn’t help but laugh with you as he nods, clutching his stomach from laughing. 

“dude inhaled it like a chocolate milkshake."

johnnie can't help but crack a small smile, enjoying the friendly banter between you and jake, but he still keeps his comments to himself. 

suddenly the room is quiet again and before things possibly get uncomfortable, you get up.

“alright, that’s my queue.” you give jake a small hug and take the box of chocolate in hands. “i’m taking these with me thank you very much.” jake hugs you back, still chuckling at your laughs. johnnie watches silently as you get up and head for the hall, a mix of disappointment and relief showing on his face.

“leaving already? you can crash here, you know.” jake says, sensing your intention to leave.

“nah, i’m good.” usually you’d actually do that, but sleeping in the same house as johnnie wasn’t the best move right now. “text me later, yeah?” you smile at jake and leaves without looking at johnnie.

he stayed silent as you left, watching you go without another word. he felt a mix of emotions, frustration, guilt, and a hint of sadness that he couldn't quite explain. jake glanced at him, sensing his inner conflict.

as you drive home, a million thoughts go through your head. mostly about him. and the worst part is that you didn’t even know why, but that was sort of okay, no one was there to watch you being vulnerable, so the questions naturally got to you.

why do you care so much about it?

why does your heart kind of sink everytime he doesn’t just tell you how he feels?

you don’t care about people who don’t care about you, why is that different when it comes to johnnie?

when finally home, you find yourself rewatching the memories from earlier, the way his voice softened, or the brief smile he let you see. it’s as if you caught a glimpse of the real him, and you can't stop wondering what lies beneath the icy exterior.

just when you think things would finally settle down in your head, your phone lights up, jake was calling.

“are you home yet?”

“yeah, what’s up?” you pick up right away, trying to hide your anxiety, but jake could sense something off just by the way you spoke.

“everything okay? you sound a bit off."

“i’m okay.” you fake a laugh, jake was your best friend after all, he knows exactly everything about you, including when you try to hide your pain and feelings. in fact, he was the first person to notice them and not judge you for that. “don’t worry about it.”

jake is still not convinced by your fake laugh.

“bullshit. i know something’s wrong. don’t try to hide it from me."

“it’s just…” you sigh, what’s the point of hiding it, anyways? you don’t need to be strong in front of him, jake would never hurt you like everyone else did in the past. “i care more than i’d like to…” you finally confess, hoping he would get what you mean without making you explain any further. 

jake is quiet for a moment, understanding what you’re talking about instantly. he’s not surprised, jake could feel the tension between you and his roommate today. and how you seemed affected by it.

“it’s about johnnie, isn’t it?” he lets out a soft sigh on the other end of the phone. 

“don’t say his name…” you tell him in a whisper, cringing with the possibility of johnnie finding out you’ve been talking about him. “i feel like there’s something underneath it.” you explain, laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling. “you know i don’t care about people being mean to me, got over it a long time ago. i just give it right back, not giving a shit. and i tried that to him for years, but the way he looks at me…” you close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “i can’t figure that look on his face, jake. and it’s driving me insane.”

“yeah, i get it, but here's the thing… i know for a fact that he doesn't hate you." jake pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best words to say. "he’s just… confused when it comes to his own emotions, you know? he’s got this whole mean act going on because he doesn’t know how to deal with feelings.”

“i would get it…” you begin to say, collecting your thoughts not to show the quavering voice . “if he acted like that with everyone, sure, that’s understanble, but it’s only with me. what the fuck did i do to him?” you almost yell the last part in frustration.

jake listens to your words, feeling your frustration through the phone. "i don't know, man. he’s never really explained his reasons to me either.” he ponders for a moment, wondering if he should tell you. “hey, can i ask you something?"

you got confused for a second, thinking he was about to make a joke or change subjects.

“sure.”

"have you ever considered that maybe... just maybe... johnnie is a dick to you because he likes you?" jake waits for your reaction with a small grin on his face, knowing your tendency to never consider the obvious.

and react you did, frowning and squinting your eyes so hard that for a second your head started to hurt. 

“what kind of nonsense are you onto about, dude?” you blurt it out, finally laughing. jake laughs at your reaction, finding your disbelief amusing.

"i mean, think about it for a second. it fits all your theories, doesn’t it? why else would he be so mean only to you? maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold."

“too much weed inside your rotten brain, jake. that’s what it is.”  you said still laughing and continued to tease him a little “i’m gonna put you in rehab or something.”

jake chuckles, still enjoying your denial.

"hey, you’re the one who can’t stop talking about how johnnie looks at you. i’m just planting the seed of thought, man. you never know." he pauses for a moment before continuing. “and just for the record, i’m not smoking anything at the moment. thanks for the concern, though."

“well, your seeds are just rocks and they’ll never grow anything but disappointment.” you tell him catching your breath from laughing so much. “but i do feel better now.” jake probably could tell you were smiling because he went quiet for a second, and that made you smile even more. “thanks for being my best friend, yeah? you’re my anchor.”

jake grins, happy that he was able to make you feel better.

"that's what best friends are for and just so you know, you’re my anchor and my sister." he chuckles before continuing. “but i won't stop planting those 'rock seeds' of mine. maybe one day they'll turn into an exotic flower or something."

“yeah, a toxic one.” you hear his laugh and roll your eyes. “i’ll go to bed now, talk to you later, okay?”

"sure, get some rest. and think about what i said." jake teases you before continuing. “sleep tight, darling."

you roll your eyes after hearing the ridiculous pet name, remembering when it started. one time you told him he gives father vibes to you, so he just calls you that because in his words “messing with your daddy issues is fun”.

after you hang up the phone, the room falls silent once more, and your mind begins to wander to the conversation you just had with jake.

now the stupid rock seed of thought he planted in your mind refused to disappear. the sentence  “maybe he’s trying to hide his feelings by being cold” playing in an infinite loop inside your head.

as much as you tried, the thoughts kept nagging at you, refusing to be ignored. you sigh, realizing that sleep would elude you until you figured this out.

an hour ticked by and you tossed and turned in your bed, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop thinking about johnnie's behaviour and the possibility of him somehow “liking” you.

memories of the way he looked at you, the way he softened, only to revert back to his aloof self seconds later, it was so confusing.

eventually, the morning sun began to peek through your window, signalling the start of a new day. you felt exhausted and frustrated, with no answers and no sleep.

as you drag yourself out of bed, you feel the exhaustion weighing down on you. the lack of sleep and the endless loop of thoughts about johnnie had left you feeling drained.

you head to the bathroom and splash your face with cold water, trying to jolt yourself awake. but even as you look at your reflection in the mirror, the thought of johnnie's hidden feelings still lurks in the back of your mind.

“well, now i’m fucked.”

you whisper to yourself, feeling defeated.

[alexandria-thornton]

Oh, Mary mother of God. What is he doing. No. This can't be. Fuck. Fuck!!!!

I never wanted to see your penis ever again.

You lie there hands wrapped around it as though it is your claymore. I will not stand for this.

You are going back in the cellar, Naughty Boy, and this time I'm not going to be so nice.