#but i straight up just can't conceptualize people liking me or wanting to talk to me outside the required socialization of whatever activity

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

when you feel like you're fine in isolation but as soon as you interact with nice people who seem to like you you're like oh maybe I'm not perfectly well adjusted actually

[dykedvonte]

Ty for answering my asks! Recently, I saw some fanart of the gender bendered crew and it got me curios, how much would the plot change if Jimmy was a woman. I mean, she would still be emotionally abusive (esp to Fem!Curly), but at lest, I guess, the crash would've never happened (?)

Also, her relationship w/ Anya: if she was assulted still, it prolly would've been dissmissed, since it's between 2 women. Or, if Anya is male in this scenario, he couldn't really be able to talk abt it, since society decided that "women can't r*pe men", so it's not serious and he should suck it up. Man, it's just sucks to be Anya in any scenario my poor girl 😭

What do you think? If you have an opinion on that at all, that is

-💀

I think the scenario's where the gender was flipped or any level of gender based intersectionality is expanded makes it so much more complex.

If this is the scenario with fem!Jimmy, it comes with the territory of questionable internalized homophobia. Does Jimmy brush it off in this scenario because she doesn't think lesbian encounters are real ones? Is she struggling with her identity and taking it out on Anya who may be openly queer compared a fem!Curly who is either straight or just not interested in Jimmy? Perhaps it's a sort of weird entitled that can occur in female dominated spaces "We're both girls, I know what you have, it won't matter." It's still is something I don't see Jimmy denying in this scenario, he never really denies it in canon just talks around it with Curly. Here I can see it's less about the pregnancy and more so about the internalized homophobia. Not seeing Anya as anything but an unwanted aspect of her femineity and the allure of it, there's a lot more objectification of both Curly and Anya in this alteration as I would believe feels better thinking of them in that light if they are just fodder in her mind. Guilty pleasures that no longer bring her such. It's a careful situation because I don't want this to fall into predatory lesbian stereotyping, Jimmy is just a person who does not respect other people or their choice, if it conflict with what he wants or perceived is owed.

The idea of Curly having to report it and outing her not only as a rapist but queer and the denial, especially in the case Anya and Curly are both out as she feels a sort of resentment she can't be secure with herself that way. If it is masc!Curly, there could be the jealousy of him being able to actively pursue relationships he wants while she feels she can't, Anya and Curly playfully flirt, its casual but it's something she longs for in the same way she doesn't. She obsesses over Curly because she wishes she could be Curly in a social sense in both aspect male or female Curly.

If it's fem!Jimmy and masc!Anya? It's a much more delicate situation. In this scenario Jimmy gets pregnant. Maybe Anya does a blood test after the incident and finds out Jimmy is pregnant. It's a very sensitive matter because if it's fem!Curly her first assumption is Anya may have done something. That is just the immediate assumptions in cases like this. I think the fact that Anya is telling her would make Curly think it's not that simple, especially since Jimmy isn't brining it up or really caring but everyone reacts differently. Jimmy is pregnant however, and that's a big deal, she'll figure that out eventually on her own but how will she react? Curly knows it won't be good, Anya knows too.

I think the crash is instigated in this scenerio by fem!Curly actually doing more, refusing to sweep it under the rug because she can conceptualize that fear, likely she and Jimmy are the only girls on board. She trusts everyone, well did trust everyone, but it's just something you live with. She can't just live with that double standard but I feel like she really doesn't know how to address it. How does she bring it up to superiors without implicating Anya? What does she do with Jimmy, it still feels like she's catering to Jimmy but now the concern is primarily focused on the life this baby will be born into. If it is born at all. I don't think Jimmy would try to kill Anya in this concept but try to spin the narrative it was mutual up until she got pregnant. Curly doesn't really buy it but it's a lot of processing, a lot more he said she said but what Jimmy is saying just doesn't make sense. It gives Jimmy too much time to really settle with the fact she's pregnant and likely can't support a kid nor wants to give birth out in space. Jimmy feeling like she's being othered from the only other woman could also be a factor, maybe even starting into her thinking Curly is behaving like a "pick-me" for siding with a guy over her. The crash is more spiteful in terms of having to protect herself alone, due to Curly not outright supporting her delusions.

It really adds a certain horror to Jimmy's pregnancy hallucinations because after the crash they are about her, her symptoms the sign of showing. She doesn't want the child either and considering what being pregnant can do to your mental/physical state, especially some of the more negative symptoms, I doubt she is handling it well. A lot of Anya's struggles are with the stigmas around male victims. His body reacted so did he want it? He's gonna be a father and courts likely will make him pay or care for the baby even if they take Anya's side, their world is just like that. Would the other's blame him for not doing more, he is a man after all? Should he be considered lucky a woman was that into him? It's eating away at him because not only does he not feel safe, he actively blames himself.

In the case Curly is still a cis guy, its that weird feeling guys often get when talking about male victims of assault. I don't think he'd victim blame but he likely asks or thinks about how it could've happened, why wouldn't Anya just overpower Jimmy? Maybe he couldn't? Maybe Anya didn't have it in him to strike a woman. He wouldn't. Now he thinks of what he would have done if Jimmy did something like that to him. SImilary to my trans!Curly post, he's wondering if it could've been him. It's likely one of the first times in his life he has to think of that type of vulnerability in terms of himself and other men and against likely his girl best friend. I think that arm pat right before Jimmy crashes the ship would really make him feel weird, not like he'd have the time to really dig into those feeling but y'know WERE GONNA CRASH!!!.

In terms of Jimmy and Curly's specific relationship, it just gets messier if they aren't both guys or girls. There's a lot of misogny on Jimmy's side with fem!Curly. He often points out she's a woman captain or makes a point of her being one of the few independent woman in her field and how certain men hate that. It's insidious but Curly doesn't think about or like to cause she likes to believe Jimmy isn't one of those guys. He can be a bit antiquated, maybe a bit of a pig but no ones perfect! Here a lot of his resentment is more gear toward a woman having that power over him as Captain/filling the typical male roles he fails at. He can't stand that she's above him in almost aspect and he likely takes it out on other women. Similarly, fem!Jimmy and cis Curly is just as bad. It's a fact of not knowing if she wants to be him, wants him or wants to destroy him. It's obsession without anything positive. She feels entitled to his space and life and time and he has a hard time setting up boundaries cause, well, Jimmy's a girl, his bestfriend and it comes with all the stigmas around boygirl best friends. To him it's a sort of oppressive doting, he feels wrong telling her not to pick and like he's being controlling. That's how she'd spin it whenever he'd try to make boundaries with her.

They are still just friends but most people can't tell even if they can tell it's not healthy, in both cases. Either way I feel like if they were opposite genders to each other there would a specific infatuation Jimmy would have with Curly that would be less hidden but sort of unaddressed because the idea of Curly rejecting them would make them lash out in a way Curly may just leave for their safety. It's also Jimmy wouldn't want to be with Curly specifically but just want what would consistently provide/available.

If they are both girls, its envy. It's that sort of hate that someone fits the standards you don't, wanting them to be picked second or crack. She likes to get into Curly's head, point out flaws and act like it's just her being helpful. She wants Curly to be a girls girl but only for her. There's a sort of possessiveness like purposely jeopardizing relationships because why would a man come first? That girl hates me and is a pick me, why are you friends with her still, Curly? Like this is silly but think about how Regina George treats Gretchen Wieners and that's effectively how fem!Curly and fem!Jimmy would work but technically Curly has the sway of Regina.

I believe the crash would always happen. Jimmy would try to escape responsibility or really thinking about what they did in any world, any gender. It's about facing the consequences, losing things he refuses to let go of or having to deal with responsibilities he's not ready for. The switching of sex or gender really doesn't change those core aspects.

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary + burnt snake secondary

 tl;dr: Fairly sure I'm Lion primary (maybe burned Badger since I sort of envy the idea of close communities, or hedonistic Snake, not sure where that line is)

(the way that divide works out is that basically, Burnt Badgers look like Snakes. They have the Snake's small community, but wish they could cast their net wider. Hedonistic Snakes tend to be more solo, and much more focused on /stuff/. Also, both options make pretty good short-term coping mechanisms.)

but unsure whether my secondary is Bird, Snake/burned Snake, or burned Lion.

I love researching and reverse-engineering and my immediate response to situations is to Google advice, but reactively, not proactively. I am allergic to planning, and prepwork feels stifling and unnatural.

Ooooh, have we got a single-player Environment Snake? (I also think of these as MacGyver Snakes.) Basically just pulling at the things around you in order to solve the problem at hand.

I studied math in college then did a coding bootcamp, and I always felt adrift because both only taught memorizing solutions to individual problems/proofs, not how to solve unfamiliar ones -- i.e., really learning. 

However, I neither consider myself flexible nor want to be, and singleplayer Snake is wayyyyyyyyyyyy more comfortable than stuff involving other people. (Complicating factor: not neurotypical.)

I think I can say, pretty confidently, that this system works just fine if you're not neurotypical. :) There's no reason you have to use the multi-player version if you don't want. The most dramatic single/multi player divide is probably Bookkeeper Badger vs Courtier Badger, and there are lots of people who prefer being just one or the other.

I do the "faces" thing reflexively, in the moment, but it doesn't feel like "shifting" or "becoming" anything: just me, lying.

That's Snake. "Becoming" is more of a word that a Courtier Badger would use, they kinda do have to believe it, or it doesn't work. Snake secondaries are a lot more aware of what they're doing, in the moment.

It's interesting that you are just straight-up using the word lie though. In my experience, Snakes are more likely to conceptualize that particular problem-solving strategy as "say it in a way they'll listen to," or something like that. You might just be super direct (and/or like hanging out in Neutral) buuuut... the negativity of "lie" can sometimes point to a Burnt secondary. No sign of that yet, but I'll keep an eye out for it.

I don't have a moral problem with lying; it's often even right since a) telling the truth often hurts people, and b) people do prefer it: most people want to hear what they want to hear, and if that happens to be the truth that's great.

Hmmm. This is sounding like primary stuff. And it's quite reasoned out, which makes me interested in hearing why you went for Lion primary instead of Bird.

But deep down, I guess I resent it. I wish that when I say what I mean it would convince people rather than create problems. I try to ration that to only things that REALLY matter to me, but tbh many things do. I hate arguing.

What I'm hearing here is the Bird primary fantasy of "If I was only able to explain it exactly right, in precisely the right words, then everyone would agree with me." And as you say earlier, it doesn't actually work like that. It sounds like you're feeling a bit cynical in regards to other people a the moment, and I can't exactly blame you.

I would love to be an inspirational secondary but I am bad at inspiring people.

There is definitely some burnt secondary talk going on here.

Family: I'm not close to my father -- he’s a terrible person, serial cheater, racist, etc. I'm closer to my mother, and don't think she's a bad person, but both parents were hypercritical and have horrible tempers, so my childhood felt horrible to live through since I was always getting yelled at or having corporal punishment used for doing something wrong.

Definitely seeing where the burned secondary energy is coming from, if so many of your formative experiences involved being told that the way you were doing things was wrong. I also see why you might have at least a fascination with the confident, firey, speak-your-truth-and-damn-the-consequences Lion secondary.

(On paper this could be called abusive, and anyone else being subjected to this makes me furious, but I'm not fully comfortable with the label for my situation, even though I know that's inconsistent.) 

I understand, and I appreciate that. I also appreciate your carefully articulated position, and it's slanting me in the direction of Bird primary. Even though this is obviously a topic you are very emotional about, all those emotions are arranged within the framework of thought. You're aware of and okay the fact that you feel all kinds of different ways about what happened.

Any secondary model came from my mom, but I don't know about primary. She always says my sister and I are "the most important things in her life." (One of the reasons I don’t want kids is that I don’t think I could ever believe or promise them that.) She ostensibly also hates my father and their divorce was vicious, but she kept working for him until he retired, goes on trips with him to see my sister or me, and pressured me for years to un-estrange him because “after all, he’s family” until I gave in and now pretend to have a relationship just enough to placate them. I don't have any ethical problems doing this, it's just irritating.

That is very, very unusual family dynamic. Have to get my head around that. Your mom may have some very intense Badger going on, especially with the the whole "after all, he's family" thing. That could fit go with a nasty divorce, especially if she thought his presence was a threat to you and your sister. On the other hand, she might just be able to compartmentalize to an insane degree, which would probably point to Bird secondary.

I don't understand this aspect of my mom; I observe it happening, but I don't understand it. It feels kind of sad, in an existential way. 

Honestly, I agree.

(Another way my dad sucks is that he played favorites with my sister and I, me being the favorite.

Being the Golden Child sucks just as much as being the Problem Child.

The shitty resulting dynamic is I only "care about" his approval to avoid him creating drama that ripples to everyone around him -- he's gotten better but he has literally started shit when I didn't end emails with "love" -- but my sister actually cares about his approval, and it hurts her.)

Secondary-wise, my mom would always harp on me to "pay attention to the people and things around you," and whenever I tell her about solving problems in Snakeish ways she's like "way to go, [me]!" But she also is meticulously planned and scheduled and organized, and hates surprises and not knowing exactly what will happen. She's the kind of person who gets frustrated in April when I haven’t told her my Thanksgiving itinerary, which, like... I don't want to think that far ahead.

She could be either Prep-work secondary, Bird or Badger. If she's a Bird, "pay attention to the people and things around you," points to a a Rapid-Fire Bird (which can look *very* Snakey.) Or it could be a way of describing Courtier Badger. Being that scheduled is more often a Bird thing... but I could also imagine a Badger manifesting like that, especially if she is so concerned with specifically planning holidays.

Low-stakes/high-stakes problem that felt good: This is a high-stakes problem containing a low-stakes problem. I'm rolling them together because they illustrate both aspects of my problem solving.

Higher stakes: That coding bootcamp required being on Zoom 8 hours every day. But I had 3 roommates (part of why I did it was to not have 3 roommates), and they didn't want me there that much. I can't go to coffee shops because either they're loud, or I will make them loud by talking for 8 hours, thus becoming the problem. Coworking spaces are expensive af. I even consider renting a storage unit but I don't think they have power and wifi. The idea I settle on is sneaking onto a nearby college campus: preferably the CS building, to blend in. I scour the college subreddit for posts about what buildings let students in without ID, then scout them out (this is March, the thing doesn't start until May, I'm just high on must-solve-now energy). After ~15 minutes (lol) of walking through campus I decide I've had enough, seems doable. The day of, I leave early in case I have to give up and go home, but that turned out to be completely pointless because tailgating in is shockingly easy. Like it's scary how easy it is. One day a security officer stopped me but even he eventually let me in after I acted increasingly frazzled and panicked -- not ENTIRELY an act but I definitely was playing it up.

I like this story. And I feel good about saying that it is QUITE snakey: what do I have immediately around me, and how can I use it to get what I want in this moment? Even little details like - you're not bothering to come up with a cover story or borrow/forge someone's ID. If you're caught you'll talk your way out of it. You did a little research, then scoped the place out, then were good to go.

Lower stakes: I usually did classes from an empty auditorium (students weren't supposed to be there but no one checked, and also I'm not a student right?). The whiteboard's eraser stand was a few inches away from the wall, and one day I drop my phone in the gap. Shit. The gap's way too high to reach down. I can't ask anyone for help because I'm already 2 layers deep of being somewhere I'm not supposed to be. The stand screws to the wall, but I don't have a screwdriver because who just carries a screwdriver around? (For whatever reason, going to a hardware store didn't occur to me.) I stare at the thing until I realize: I am literally in the ENGINEERING building. I search various offices, ask people for a screwdriver, but no luck. Then I see a board listing the departments. One floor has a "makerspace," and somehow, its door is wide open (the student lounge is locked down but the room with deadly power tools isn't, ???) I grab 5 sizes of screwdriver, then also grab duct tape and a ruler to fish my phone out in case the screwdrivers don't work, which turned out to be a good idea because they didn't

Sounds to me to me like you just MacGyvered a solution :D

One thing I am picking up on is your subtle critique of the existing rules/systems. Getting in via tailgateing is easier than it should be, talking your way past the guard was too easy. The door with the powertools really should be locked, etc. It's making me (again) think Bird primary for you. You've very tuned into the way things run, and how well designed (or not) that is. There's also just a little bit of Birdy rules-lawyer in "Students aren't allowed in this room, but I'm not a student (because I snuck in.)"

Hard decision-making process…. I don’t know. I don’t experience many decisions as hard. I often know what I want to do right away; the difficult part is doing it.

In the language of this system, that's a Burnt secondary.

Or I know what I should do, am obligated to do, have no choice but to do, etc., though sometimes it feels miserable or wrong, like resignation.

Unfortunately that is what it feels like to have a Burnt secondary - you just use whatever problem-solving strategy you can at random, since they all feel like a chore and it doesn't really matter.

I can feel proud of making certain "right" choices in an abstract self-congratulatory way, but I never like it or really feel good about it. I either act on something immediately or put it off until the decision makes itself, a drop-dead deadline approaches, I get bored/impulsive enough to do it on the spot, or I suddenly swerve my life toward something I like better.

You're definitely an Improvisational secondary. Which is really fine, even though I know it doesn't feel that way all the time when you come from a family of intense Prep-work people. Just keep an eye on that 'wait until the deadline' impulse. It's very, very common for neurodivergent people to use that last-minute stress adrenaline to kind of hack their brain, and it's not sustainable.

I'd wanted to change careers for years but the actual decision to do the bootcamp was an impulse based on ~3 hours' research the day I encountered it.

That can absolutely work though. You *are* working on the problem and mulling it over in your head long term, even if you are (in the words of another snake secondary) "waiting for the opportune moment."

This is all healthy and well-adjusted, and it definitely has never caused any predictable problems! (Did get a job though.)

Hey, if it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid.

My fantasy: To be successful and well-known in my field; to create the kind of art I want to create and have it be respected/influential. To live the life I want, with the aesthetic I want, and the opportunities from others and follow-through from me to achieve that. The details vary based on the field but that's the general template. 

I'd say that's a very human fantasy, without too many details that slant me one way or the other, in terms of this system. There's definitely a focus on the community around you and how you relate to it/integrate into it. And that makes me think Bird (the external primary) is more likely than Lion (the internal primary.)

Characters: I relate to characters who are flawed in the same ways I am -- they feel like cautionary tales -- or sometimes via empathizing in a way the story doesn’t (Carlotta from Phantom got done DIRTY).

It's interesting that you respond to characters who the narrative framing doesn't support, because the narrative framing doesn't support them. I guess that does fit with your interest in constructed systems, and if they're useful/functional or not. Which points to Bird.

On that big pop culture character test I always get Hannah from Girls and Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica: harsh, but not wrong.

(I always get Inara from Firefly and Céline from Before Sunrise.)

It's been a second since I've seen Girls or Battlestar Galactica, but I do think that both of those characters are Bird Snakes, which is honestly impressive since Bird Snakes are easily the least common fictional archetype.

Baltar is clever, adaptive, reactive, he pulls from around him. He also bluffs and will *act* like he's an expert when he really isn't. A lot of his internal conflict revolves around extremely Bird primary rationalization - is this situation really his fault? and if it is, what is he morally/rationally supposed to do about it (if anything?) "Voice of *a* generation" Hannah also has this way of getting caught in her own feedback loops when trying to figure herself out. One of my favorite moments is the bit where she loses her purse on the way back from the wedding, and then rides the train all the way to Coney Island, sits on the beach and eats the slice of wedding cake while watching the sun rise. I think that's beautiful, and a very Snake secondary response.

I also gravitate toward a specific archetype: Blanche from A Streetcar Named Desire, Madame Bovary, Violetta from La Traviata. People who desire an impossible thing deeply and unshakably, temporarily achieve it, and are taken down dramatically.

Now that, I'm thinking is a story structure that you like. And/or you're drawn to these tragic great ladies, living most of the way in a fantasy world. It's a good, cathartic archetype.

What makes me feel powerful: I don’t really resonate with that framing. The closest is that feeling like I have no options is the same for me as feeling powerless.

Okay, "not feeling powerless," I'll take it. And we're back to that Burnt secondary again. I'm hoping you'll leave your Snake a little more room to breathe and play, because it seems like you're a pretty capable person. You manage to do the things you want to get done, and you have an excellent awareness of what are good and bad situations, both for you and just in general.

Thank you to anonymous for such an excellent submission. If you'd like a Sorting of your very own, commissions are open on my ko-fi. :D

If you'd like to read more about the system I'm using, my explanation is right here.

[bluedalahorse]

Two options for the character breakdown game: Sara (because you haven't done her yet, and we can't leave her out) and Claudia

You know what? I’m going to do both.

Claudia

How I feel about this character: TV CLAUDIA IS THE ABSOLUTE GREATEST. I’ll be honest, book!Claudia kind of weirded me out conceptually, especially the part where she and Louis are kind of in love but she still looked like a little kid? I also read Interview with the Vampire at the age when I was just… not great at loving female characters, and when I sort of wanted to ship mlm ships exclusively. But show Claudia is incredible. I mean, there’s the part where she’s extremely badass, and one of her first acts as a vampire is to just. Straight up eat a cop. But I love that we start from that badass, highly emotional teenage space but then go deeper with her, and I love how unapologetically herself she is. I love that she dreams about the idea of finding vampire community. I love that she stands up for herself. I love that she and Lestat are so alike and they fight about it. I love that she refuses to let her truth be erased by the way she records everything in her diary. Claudia deserves the world and I cannot say that enough.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: CLAUDELEINE OBVIOUSLY. They deserved more happiness together than they got.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: If there were a universe where Claudia and Daniel could have existed at the same time and become friends, they would have been unstoppable, and they would have adored one another, and everyone else would have suffered for it. Hilariously.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Occasionally I see book only fans argue that the tragedy of Claudia is ruined when she’s turned as a teenager rather than a little kid. This is something I very much disagree with. Teens are just as tragic as little kids, first of all, but people do have a weird bias against teenagers and actually feeling for teenagers, and I wish they wouldn’t. Also, since Claudia looks like someone in between childhood and adulthood, the age that people in-universe read her as is like… entirely determined by what they want to read her as to control her. Sometimes people infantilize her and make her play Baby Lu. Sometimes they subject her to very adult forms of abuse. Claudia is still tragic no matter what, okay?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she and Madeleine could have lived in that cute cottage forever. (Gosh if only Armand hadn’t been stuck behind the baby gate…)

Sara

How I feel about this character: MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER WHO HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HER LIFE. But, while we’re talking about teenage girls, she’s one of the best teenage girls ever written on TV, ever. Sara reached out through the screen and grabbed me by the heart. Her care for others, her willingness to look past the obvious of a situation, her curiosity about who she is and what she values… when she said “no one likes me when I’m me” my sixteen year old self felt seen. I am consistently floored that all my favorite YouTubers who talk about autism and ADHD rep in television have weirdly never talked about her. I almost avoided joining YR tumblr fandom because the abundance of “Sara is on thin ice” posts I saw while lurking made me hesitant and disappointed. Most of my fandom hiatuses were caused in part by people being shitty about her. Sara has one of the best damn arcs in Young Royals, hands down.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Well, obviously August, controversial as that opinion is. I think their relationship ended up in the right place by the finale, but I can’t resist their chemistry along the way. And as I was saying to @heliza24 earlier, there’s just something about characters who perceive themselves as unlovable finding love with one another. Now, I want to have other Sara ships, but… I don’t know if I do, really? I might read Sara as a little arospec, like gray aro or something, and it actually means a lot to me that she chooses friends and family over romance in the end. But if you get back to me a few months from now maybe I’ll feel differently, who knows.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: potentially weird turn but like, Wilhelm? Specifically in Heart and Homeland where they end up in a kind of disability solidarity queerplatonic partnership. I don’t know if I feel that as much in canon. As far as canon goes, Felice first and Simon second.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I’m going to make this an extension of my August Unpopular Opinion on my August post, because I’m vibrating on a higher sargust frequency than usual this week due to anxiety about travel and I kinda just want to talk about sargust because it’s a comfort pairing. And that is… Sara’s feelings for August are something we can enjoy fannishly, too. They are something we can write fic about and come up with AUs for and make gifsets and fanmixes of. The AU stuff especially—I feel like sargust still could have happened in an alternate universe, or in a universe where Simon didn’t end up at Hillerska, or whatever else. Sara and August have a relationship in their own right and while they are a superb foil to wilmon they are not only a foil to wilmon. There is a level of Weird Teen Girl Horniness represented onscreen in the portrayal of Sara’s crush on August that just feels like, refreshing and authentic. The yearning with the picture of him in 1.5, like girl his hair is terrible in that picture and yet you are there for it! The grinding in 2.2! The dumb little arm punch in 2.3 before they just give up and make out! Seeing a lot of people who’d previously said only negative things about Sara suddenly decide they like her after season 3 when she dumped August was… not as comforting as I’d hoped it would be. Like again, to be clear, I do think their relationship ended in the right place and I want Sara away from him, obligatory “August did terrible things that I do not condone” disclaimer that I’m very bored of typing by now etc etc, I get why this is not everyone’s cup of tea, and so on and so forth. But I just… like them together, okay. And I wonder about all the other people who liked them together who ended up leaving the fandom because there wasn’t as much of a place to express that.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Sara’s arc is pretty perfect. I have one thing I maybe wanted to say about S3 but I’ll hold back for now. EDIT: I wanted her and Wilhelm to have more interaction in season 3. What was the lack of that about?

One thing’s for sure, after typing all that I really want Sara and Claudia to be friends, and to be able to play with horses together.

[askaniritual]

wowowow 39 episodes in 6 days is a lot lol im sure im gonna be gnawing on this like a chicken bone for like. a month at least but wow!!!!!

a lot of my initial reads on things were validated in these last 10 episodes which was very gratifying. i love a show that just straight up tells me my understanding of symbolism is correct lol. anyway heres my notes

the things that are left unsaid

there's so much allusion and talking around things in this show. it becomes very clear in these later episodes that not being able to address a problem directly is a tool that those in power use to maintain that power. people who can't discuss the abuse they're experiencing can't put a stop to it and all that

anthy and the shaved ice 

i hadn't really thought about the shaved ice until this point but like. food that is meant to dissolve. colorless and flavorless except for the syrup that is placed on top of it. many have called it the rose bride of food

corrupted love

i feel like there are so many examples in this show of love (or the perception of love within patriarchal society) making somebody the worst version of themselves. people do horrible things for love, they hurt themselves and others and they justify it by saying it's because they care about somebody else. the apothesis of this is anthy's devotion (and the world's reaction to it) which created akio from dios

to love is to suffer, to suffer is to love, and suffering is eternal

related to the above and also related to the ongoing theme of eternity in the show. if there is one constant in the world, it is anthy's suffering, and her suffering is a manifestation of love. what's more real, love or suffering? can the two be separated? does love without pain exist??? maybe outside the bounds of akio's world

saionji and touga’s terrible horrible no good very bad sex life

i don't want to make light of this too much because obviously the nature of saionji and touga's relationship in the back half of the show is highly influenced by akio who as we all know is more than capable of taking innocence and warping it into something painful. that being said i do think the fact that they started fucking (for the plot!) and neither of them seemed very into it was kind of funny conceptually. this leads into my second point

metaphorical sex that is more real than the actual sex

this deserves like a way longer post but there's both metaphorical and literal sex in the show. there's also a strong emphasis on the dichotomy between the real and the illusory. a lot of the sex is metaphorical in the sense that there is nothing happening on camera that reads specifically as sex but "real" in the sense that it exists in relationship to emotions that predate or exist outside of akio's influence

manufactured consent 

again this really needs its own post but the show up to the last 10 episodes spent a lot of time playing with this idea of like. the difference between wanting something and believing you should want something, and the ways that those with power impose their reality on those with less power. this gets made extremely explicit when akio starts insisting that anthy chose her position as the rose bride, and that this is somehow a role she wants and enjoys. much to consider!

[capnkerfufflez]

I contain multitudes, so i made a uquiz for some of my quintessential sonas for fun

i dont really expect people to take it, but man i love an excuse to draw some of my boys i don't give much love to brief descriptions and the result descriptions under the cut

here's the link outside of just embed btw : https://uquiz.com/hkfS0R

in image order and i marked the number and color of the background above we have :

1 [red] E : non-fandom sona I use to vent mostly - "Conceptual Chaos Junkyard" / "CC Junkyard" so he's mostly negative traits of myself turned up to 11. He's the overly emotional and sentimental and over-reactive side of the duo between him and G.

"[[ oh baby girl, I'm so sorry for you, get some help ]] Everything you've ever done blows back up into your face, you don't know what you're doing wrong?! Or well, you've figured out a few things wrong with you, but you can't figure out how to fix those things about yourself…"

2 [red/orange] Knox S. Consumer : kinda a minecraft sona? - "What's Minecraft is Yourcraft" / "Yourcraft" He's in general a minesona, at least when I first made him. In Yourcraft he is the sona/character version of an oc that's a minecraft youtuber/streamer and who is very distinctly not me, so Knox falls into an odd character category where's he's both my sona and an oc's sona. He's an old grouchy wizard type, but breaks character often to help friends

"[[ you may think im stretching on this one, but i assure there's more obscure ]] You know so much yet so little. The type of guy that can recite so many video game lore details and fun facts across all subjects, but will fail to realize that they really did mean it calling it "cream cheese," it is actually a cheese. You are very smart though, with your intelligence only rivaled by your stubbornness."

3 [red/pink] Dong : pokemon not a big surprise, but he's a pokesona of sorts. He's a Mareep that's specifically paired with my friend's Wooloo "Ding," he's somewhere between a pokemon in the anime and pokemon mystery dungeon in terms of personification, he's very bitey.

[[ haha dong ]] Lil gremlin guy. You're the typa bitch to fucking taunt people bigger than you and when they get pissy you go 'oh im just a lil guy a lil birthday boy.' All talk no bite. well, maybe a lil bite, like consensually or deserved.. BUT the point is you take no responsibly of the misdeeds you may or may not do !

4 [orange] Bibbly : double life / life series Bibbly is the character I made soulmate's with my friend cause we were watching other people make sona's and pairs with their friends too. Bibbly is based off of a drawing I did based on a more literal interpretation of one of my minecraft skins (specifically my 453 skin), "Bibbly" coming from "Biblically accurate." Personality wise he varies a lot cause in conception and most practice he is an utter coward, very reliant on my friend's character, though in other interpretations I make him a lot more jaded and no-bull shit but also those are usually what is supposed to be later in his development and/or away from my friend's character

[[ telephone game of sonas ]] You are a recursion of self analyzation. You try to map out your intricacies only to have your theories on yourself become rules. And once you've realized its a set habit of thinking. You know trouble and you avoid it the best you can.

5 [muddy yellow] Clart : minecraft sona ? - "What's Minecraft is Yourcraft" / "Yourcraft" Similar case as Knox, where Clart is my sona and the sona of one of my oc's who isn't me, but for Clart he and the oc, they align closer with who I am so it's not quite as weird a case. Clart is very easy going and cares a lot, he isn't particularly notably in Yourcraft as he's not really someone who develops more a character that help's the other characters develop

[[ straight up gooping ]] You just want a break, things to be nice and easy and do menial tasks and be with your friends. You give all you can, not because you feel you need to, you just want to and you can. You know pain and cruelty, you choose to be kind.

6 [yellow] [453>- / 453 / The cooler Casey : a general sona He's a more stylized, exaggerated version of myself and usually a lot more malicious for the fun of it. In his "lore" he is a shapeshifting sand.. thing, it depends on the specific backstory I'm going with. He is generally very energetic and bitey and evil for the sake of it cause man villains are fun when they are having fun and he is having a blast

[[ creature !! ]] You are the coolest sexiest mother fucker out here! or you sure pretend to think so. A whole fucking jaw breaker flipping between god-complex and inferiority-complex, who knows what's at it's core (probably inferiority). You love to be an edge case, probably the type of guy to make a fan character concept that's over done but do it with a twist. No fear of ocs coming off like a mary sues just cause YOU know how cool and really clever they are really even if they give a bad first impression.

7 [lime/green] Casey : general sona / how i draw myself This is just me, like, just how I draw myself, it's as general and genuine as I can manage which my not really be all that accurate maybe but oh well

[[ oh fuck u are just like me frfr ! or like at least closest approximation ]] You are only human. You love your friends more than the world and you try to be worth all you're given. You have some self esteem and self image issues, but maybe if you shove your ocs full of enough of your issues you'll solve some.

8 [green?] Caddle : general sona / fursona / the one i use for sexual stuff Caddle is a cow-adject shapeshifter. He is the sona I use the most when it's anything sexual, usually paired with my partner's fursona, but he's supposed to have other buddies too that I never really draw. I've got complicated feeling on sexual stuff and myself in relation to it, so he gets those feelings dumped into his character too. But aside from that he is a fun character especially to draw cause inconsistency is baked in and I love him dearly, he is very lazily chill with a big heart, he's also a rodeo clown even though i dont draw a full on clown get up for him much

[[ honka honka we got certified clown ova here ]] You are silly, a goofball even, one may even argue a jokester. You may present all goofs, gafs and dick jokes, -and by all means you do genuinely loving goofing gaffing and dicking- but you are a person with complicated wants and thoughts and feelings. Wants and thoughts and feelings you hold close to yourself, you do not know how to voice, so more often than not, you don't.

9 [bluish green] Gilon Kurt : lesser sona Gilon is a sona that I made just on a whim off of a twist on my name with "fluffle" being a the name for a group of rabbits, he's "Capn Kerfluffle." And then I made him a rival to my main fursona in their story and he gained a personality outside of me as they so often do

[[ rage rage murder rage !!!! ]] You have worked so hard for what you have and yet it is never enough. There is always something else to achieve more to earn, people clawing for what you have. You can have no peace nor solace, relax? chilling? never heard of her!! There are experiences to be had!! People to meet!! Friends to continuing loving!!! And you'll fight for it all, fight until you die!!

10 [cyan] Yeode : minecraft sona [real] Yeode my beloved, she is my darling rock-based robot made to search villagers that learns to live for herself kinda. A lot of her kindness and softness and story comes from backstory for just me playing minecraft ig who is a lot less kind in practice.

[[ yippee !!! ^.^ ]] You are a people pleaser to your core! You are born and molded by your attachments and use to others. Even in their absence you still live on for them in part.

11 [saturated blue] G : non-fandom sona I use to vent mostly - "Conceptual Chaos Junkyard" / "CC Junkyard" similar situation to E of mostly negative traits, but the other side of it for the most part. she is full of anger and malice at being stuck with little control over her situation and takes it out on E

[[ oh sweetheart, no ]] You think yourself a "bad bitch" a "girl boss" even. Emotions are not your strong suit. You have a hard time managing your own feelings, let alone dealing with other people's. You may not always be right, but you work hard to try to be.

12 [less saturated dark blue] D. Base : minecraft sona, specifically in magic mods / heavily modded minecraft he came about from when i was testing a modded server with my friends there was something that would crash my game if i entered specific chunks, and in those 'dead' chunks was my silk worms so i made dBase as a character for the friend server and he is supposed to be that glitched silkworm i got in testing, uuh end then that server slowly broke too, so i like to think it was somehow also his fault; while i did get to play on the server i got really into a few magic mods, mainly mana and artifice so he is not only gitchy but a magic man

[[ grub ]] You think of yourself highly, not perfect, but damn good. You've worked your ass off for the skills you've obtained and are happy to show off when they are even slightly relevant. Your "fuck it we ball" attitude somehow works out for you most of the time, though some collateral damage to others.

13 [light blue] Clerk James : fursona / used to be mascot character to note if you see other art of him there is a stark difference between the silly goofy Clerk that's my sona and the asshole angsty backstory version of him before he got so very concussed; current Clerk is very sweet and very dumb, he's the "capn" of a pirate themed ferry though also goes on some genuine treasure seeking adventures pg pirate style

[[ consider it the post-drownings one, don't worry ]] A mix of poor memory, self-doubt, and self-hatred that results in a potent blend of guilt for things you aren't really sure you deserve to hate yourself over, being it maybe not or fault or maybe never really happened. Aside from that you're upbeat and a bit stupid in a silly lil guy way. You're just a lil guy!

14 [purple] Cassio Inerta : homestuck / trollsona - "retroll" he is baby, very sweet and well meaning but oh so very problem avoidant and low empathy mostly from being sheltered; in retroll he is canonically in-universe a self insert of myself watching the plot go down and has a made up boyfriend given to him who loves Cassio by virtue that is what the boyfriend was made for, but kinda just puts up with Cassio, a projection of how i felt and feared in some previous relationships

[[ explicitly cannon self insert huh ]] You are a suckerrr for romance. You want and want and want so badly and you feel and in every instance you are given a taste it feels unreal. it feels unearned. It feels disingenuous. But you need it so bad. You don't know shit about anything, so terrified to fail you're terrified to try. But little by little you keep trying.

15 [magenta] Carcumber : a sona based off of my friend's previously-main sona's species so my friend's main sona and mascot character was a "lavamander" though the species had other character with other elements such as ice and sound waves and species had name trope of two favorite foods combined; Carcumber's name was Carrot + Cucumber but my friend changed main sonas and has since renamed most to just a single food name hence the opening statement for the quiz, i dont remember if he had an element associated, if he did i think it was "cart" or "car" or "money" or something stupid like that, and his is a used car salesman, similar energy and pathetic-ness of spamton

[[ oh man do i gotta change his name now that's that not the naming scheme? ]] You are passionate about everything you do! Cause if you aren't you don't do them! You exaggerate yourself to the point the mask becometh you.

god ya that's a lot of em and i have more sona's than just that, but most fall similar to others or i dont use enough to care

if you read it all thanks so much i love u :D

[girlwithteeth]

I really wanted to like Gundam Witch but I feel like it really drops the ball so hard. Like, there's a lot of cool setup in the first season to talk about how fucked up the adults in this setting are treating children- every single kid in the privileged private school for rich kids is being made to be involved in things like war profiteering and the central conceit of the whole dueling apparatus is straight up military training. The thin veneer of respectable detachment is lifted and we see where that was always going to lead - there's an attack by child soldiers as a completely mercenary operation that leads to several people dying pretty brutally in front of one of our leads. In one episode a kid gets completely fucking disappeared and replaced with a look-alike for not going along with the corporation's plan.

The whole second half of the show's main plot revolves around a plot to use a doomsday weapon. The main character work happening is around a new diplomatic angle (there was always wheeling and dealing, but it was shady back room stuff where you know they are talking about shit that is immoral as hell and the second arc has, like, diplomatic representatives from world governments and tries to paint that as squeaky clean in contrast), a kidnapped heir learning that the mercenary children are real people who have tragic circumstances, the supporting cast dealing with PTSD from the attack, and a double agent for another company in their midst feeling remorse because she had been manipulated into being a double agent. It's a fucking BINGO of tropes and it's all so surface level!!!!

Why did they bother to rip away the curtain and show these kids how closely tied to war their whole lives had been, what that really meant in the cost of human lives? Why did they set themselves up for the drama of that and then ignore their own thing that they did for most of the cast? The whole fucking point of the ending to the first season is that Suletta is a child soldier more in the vein of the mercenaries than the trust fund kids who had been protected from the reality of their world by the system that they lived in, right? It's a nice cliffhanger that sets up a rejection of that reality that could be conceptualized in different ways as the main driving force behind the emotions of our cast!

And I kind of get why they went the way that they did. In the new frame of reality for our cast Suletta is no longer the outsider who doesn't understand things, it's everyone else. And they keep her mostly the same, because she was actually aware of this reality the whole time. It's supposed to be a twist in that it wants us to re-contextualize her behavior. But, the writing doesn't want Suletta to come across as fucked up or traumatized, because she has to be 'good' in opposition to the traumatized child soldiers who are 'bad'. So everyone just says "Wow Suletta I can't believe you are still helping people and acting cheery after the violence. The violence made me sad." and she says, "Well, I want to help people!" and the lesson is that everyone tries to be like Suletta and help people.

It's like the show describes coping mechanisms for the incredible trauma happening and says that one is morally right and the other is morally wrong and believes it. It smooths out a lot of interesting wrinkles to believe it.

It's just... really frustrating.

And!!! It's, like, barely gay at all!!!! Yes, technically Miorine and Suletta are a gay couple, but there is so little affection. They literally run away from it and the show wants to have it's tension so bad that it just kind of skips over the part where they have any drama by not having them talk to each other for a while. And then they are together in the end.

They don't even fucking kiss. Sucks ass.

[adamsvanrhijn]

i think thomas' story may be more immediately sympathetic because he's this guy with nothing who just really wants to survive, whereas one of oscar's primary goals is not just to survive (which like. is clearly one of his goals! not just continuing being rich but avoiding reputational death and ostracism for himself and his family) but also to get a bunch more money so he can continue living a life of immense luxury. however i get the hunch that oscar dislikers probably are not also thomas fans (tell me if im wrong?) so i don't think it's just that. you're so right that thomas gives the viewer a lot of space to imagine his motivations though and leeway for interpretation. this is kind of getting off the oscar train, but i recently read the well of loneliness and felt like in many ways, the way radclyffe hall describes the main character's constant sense of being apart and separate and how she always feels like she's being laughed at or mocked even when she is not (there's this really affecting scene where she's on a hunt and starts to envision herself as the fox), which makes it very hard for her to essentially show off her good qualities when she's interacting with "straight society." i thought that this is essentially thomas' mindset and situation that drives his bad decision-making. the well of loneliness is definitely coming from that tradition of the gay person as part of a "third sex" (hall's words) that is forced to stand apart and is alienated bc of their intrinsic difference. oscar as a character is nothing like this because he doesn't have this conception of his sexuality or himself as an "other," which is explicitly discussed in the show to their credit!! but is perhaps still hard for the modern viewer who thinks about sexuality in terms of identity to relate with. i'm sorry about this super long ask lol i'd put it in the replies but my replies are broken </3

oh yes absolutely i think that in general the class aspect is Huge — both of them are, for most modern viewers i would expect, at two ends of the spectrum with lots of associated social ideas that serve the perception of their character — generally not in oscar's favor but not necessarily in thomas's either! like i think you're right that thomas is more sympathetic in general for his social position and what he does and doesn't Have, and i suspect the authorial intent is for viewers to feel that way given how thomas is presented literally from day one... but at the same time, on the flip side, a lot of people perceive thomas the same way that in the show, the others at downton abbey do: that his unwillingness to Know His Place is something worthy of criticism, and that he thinks he is entitled to things he doesn't really deserve, and that he should be able to settle for what he has and any desire not to do this is unreasonable or unrealistic of him and unlikely to turn out in his favor—and that is a sentiment that even devout thomas fans have aligned with as well.

some of those thomas fans have been vocal about their distaste for oscar.

i haven't read the well of loneliness in a very very long time but that's a compelling comparison — i mean da 2.02 alone speaks volumes about how thomas sees himself and his position in the world, and i think that aligns with what you're saying here.

i also think when we talk in terms of identity and self-definition, oscar is an interesting position in that, as you say, he doesn't conceptualize himself and his behavior as being intrinsic to his sense of self, and resists this when it is posed to him, but...

practically, he clearly does recognize that he is in a particular position that is related to his feelings and his behavior! "plenty of men have had to make exactly the same decision; they can't all be wretched" (not an exact quote i cba to look it up) in 1.03 i would say is the first instance of this, and then of course we have the everything of 1.08 — his calling out the difference between what he is doing and what he isn't doing, and recognition of the social consequences of this. like i think oscar is very careful not to other [verb] himself... but he is very extremely aware of how he might be othered by those in his community whose good opinion matters for him to lead the life he wants to lead. it's not quite that the box doesn't exist; the box does exist and he wants to stay away from it at all costs, while at the same time wanting to live his life in a way that is comfortable for him.

there's the material piece of that of course but also like... oscar is choosing to make choices that are likely to result in his being perceived a certain way. could he not Simply Not Do That? it's an interesting dimension to his character that clearly the answer for him is no, he can't just Not Do That (and as gay people all the world over know, it's not simple or easy to compromise yourself that way at all), while he also very desperately wants to have and exceed what everyone else has and to be perceived in a way that is going to at times be at odds with how he is actually presenting himself to the world.

[prismatoxic]

i like chilchuck's wife conceptually (because she has so little canon characterization that it's difficult to like her for who she is because. uh. dunno what that entails) and am already making my own character out of the idea of her

but admittedly i got very aggravated the other day when someone tried to talk to me about how chilchuck can probably make things work with her again. mostly because the entire conversation reeked of "i don't like shipping chilchuck so i'm pushing him towards the unnamed off-screen wife" which is fine but also why on earth are you talking to ME about it????

like i think people should do whatever they want to fictional characters forever, but i am not the guy to talk to about hetchuck. i straight up don't ship him with any women and don't want to. i made that obvious earlier in the conversation so it's not like this wasn't a readily known fact

i think he loves her, yes. i think she loves him too. i also think she had every right to leave and i prefer the idea of them reconciling as friends down the line than fixing their marriage. chilchuck deserves to grow as a person but also sometimes you can't rebuild the same bridge you burned. and also i ship him with laios sorry that's all i care about (throws hands in the air) CAN I EVEN MAKE CHARACTER ANALYSIS WHEN I CAN ONLY ACCEPT ONE OUTCOME

i try not to be ashamed of only liking m/m under the vast majority of circumstances. like, it's not affecting anyone but me to be that way, and i go out of my way to not judge other shippers. it's a me thing. but it does feel goofy sometimes when i know my perception of a story is painted by the non-canonical things i care about. i'm having fun but i do worry.

i prefer shipping things that can't/won't happen in canon. canonical romance is rarely satisfying. but then the things that can't/won't happen influence my view of the things that can/do happen. this is just what being in a fandom is like, but people tend to be judgy of stuff that's not canon, at least in the modern era of fandom. so i guess i'm just anxious.

anyway. back to writing

[mdhwrites]

Considering you are a fanfic writer and having issues with Owl House, did you ever consider possibly making a rewrite fanfic of Owl House?

Okay so A: I have both the Crow House and Little Miss Rich Witch that could be seen as that. However... Both of those works were started and conceptualized as celebrations of what I liked about The Owl House with tweaks that made them able to be more to my style and interests. Despite Crow House being a swap AU, I didn't bring attention to how Boscha's strength is actually a problem for her. Actually hurts people. I just used what is Willow's defining trait in my opinion to amplify Boscha's aggression and make it a tragedy. For Rich Witch, I literally made less than three weeks I got into the fandom because I liked themes I was playing with but canon straight up got in the way or was a little too unclear for certain aspects to be explored fully in Power of Love despite just how large that story was and was going to be. One of those big aspects was Amity's friends so Azu's relationship with her friends, especially Igni who is the stand in for Boscha, is important to the story and so is her becoming a better friend and person in general.

B: Frankly I think a straight rewrite of TOH from me would look a lot like like The Power of Love, especially as it was written before S2 mostly so was playing with the potential of the characters before that potential was damaged irrevocably, but even more bloated so as to include things like the introduction of the world, extending Amity's arc out more, including Eda and King some more, etc. like that. Part of this is because, as I've talked in the past, you can't really change a lot about TOH without losing its core identity. Would you recognize something as TOH without Hexide? Without Eda and King and their plot (which is Rich Witch effectively with a main character swap)? It is way easier than you think it is to just make an entirely new story even with similar elements.

C: I... Just wouldn't want to. I HATE fix it fics and that's what most rewrites come down to. Making a different twist like a Swap AU, especially an extensive one, is different from a fix it fic but at this point I think a rewrite of TOH from me, at least in fanfiction form, would come as too angry. Include too many changes frankly so at best it would just be an original story that isn't written as well because I'm leaning on the elements that make fanfiction easier, or it's just my blogs but turned into a story that would very quickly turn into a giant circlejerk and I don't like doing that. The closest I've truly come to a fix it fic with TOH is that there's a chapter in Power of Love that I wrote right after Escaping Expulsion because I had to wash out the taste of canon Odalia with my Odalia. And even that kind of worked to show an Amischa moment, love between Amity and her mother and the stresses that becoming the new Emperor's Coven Head (something that never happens in the show and is a personal pet peeve of mine pretty severely), even with changes that led to Lilith also being the EC head again alongside Odalia, so it wasn't just bitter and angry even if those emotions fueled it at first.

D: It would never get finished. Not because of my normal mental health stuff but because I cannot write something I hate. A fix it story is always motivated by anger. That works for a one off or a single chapter. Honestly, it feels like some of the motivation for TOH where there's a very real feeling of "Wow, these writers just HATE the fantasy genre, don't they?" For how I write though, where I have to connect to my emotions genuinely, thus triggering my anxiety and depression half the time, anger can't last. Not for as long as a rewrite of TOH, a series that to be rewritten properly would take hundreds of thousands of words, probably over a million (guess how I long I think Rich Witch will be by the end of its run) and that is a long, LONG time to be angry. And it would bleed into the writing. The characters would be angrier. More easily upset. More volatile. It wouldn't be fun for ANYONE.

Hell, as a side note, I've explicitly said that it's not anger that fuels me to make all these blogs about TOH. It's that TOH is genuinely interesting to talk about and good for teaching. Yes, anger is what brought me here theoretically but I do try to be fair to the show because pure vitriol over and over again isn't useful for anyone, just pure praise isn't either.

E: Even if I did a strict rewrite, followed as much of the show as I possibly could... My writing style is just antithetical to the show. I talked about needing to tap genuinely into my emotions after all. That makes my writing INCREDIBLY sincere. I cannot half ass my writing much of the time. My worst chapters usually come from my brain going "Let's wrap this up because the characters actually wouldn't act like this or go the direction we originally planned so we'll need to figure something else out." This also leads to some of my best chapters I think but it's the exact opposite of TOH's meta commentary and shifting characters hard just to make a concept work. I could literally never write Wing it Like Witches because I WOULD NOT ever write that Amity, Luz, Eda and Lilith are ALL capable of being sports stars. That's too homogeneous and is actively against at least half of the character's cores that are involved.

It all effectively means that even if I tried to rewrite TOH, it would just come across as a distinctly different story. And if I'm gonna do that, I'd rather just throw off the shackles of the show entirely and write my own. Almost like I'm an original writer or something alongside my fanfic work.

===========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[kob131]

before we get an official announcement on who is replacing biden as the nominee, im just going to put this out there: do not mess this up. i don't care how little you like politics. i don't care if this new nominee isn't your first choice.

How about if the nominee pushed for people to be jailed for drug possession then laughed about smoking weed?

How about you, someone who likely is very anti-cop, demanding we vote for the TEXTBOOK DEFINITION of a crooked cop?

What about it then?

our alternative is trump. third party splits the votes, and abstaining is just going to fuck the entire united states over. your vote (AND support) matters, and i better see anyone who doesn't want trump to be elected and the United States to become a fascist, authoritarian regime throwing their full support behind this new nominee.

I find it funny that you're talking about fascism and authoritarianism while demanding we vote for the crooked cop and basically worshipping the Democrat party as if they're saviors. You do know Mussolini conceptualized fascism as basically worship of the state, the state as the highest good and purest virtue of humanity right?

we have three months to go. we're in crunch time. if you don't want to lose your rights, support this new nominee with everything you've got.

A- According to fuckers like you, my rights ain't in danger as a straight white guy. I guess if history is anything to go by, my autism would get me culled...but you would have done that anyway so who cares.

Maybe don't play power politics.

B- A presidential canidate has to EARN their votes. They are owed votes on account of 'other guy #worse'. If Kamala wants my vote, she better knock it off with the rhetoric about calling the guy who almost got fucking ASSASSINATED 'a danger to our democracy.'

just in case this somehow wasn't obvious, this is NOT the post to be a pessimist on. don't say we're fucked. say TRUMP is fucked. we can't go back and change the nomination timeline, but we can absolutely support our new nominee and ensure they get elected.

No, you are fucked. Not because 'muh rights' but because you threw your lot behind a man whose brain was shutting down back in 2019. You're fucked because you went around fucking bashing your political opponents and made revenge the mainstream political opinion. You're fucked because you wouldn't take a single, goddamn principled position if your fucking life was on the line.

You fucked up the country and the people who are your NEIGHBORS all for the sake of your own power. And now you're fucked harder than a narcoleptic in an Elm Street movie.

Now sit down, eat your fucking rotting just desserts and maybe, just maybe learn your lesson.

before we get an official announcement on who is replacing biden as the nominee, im just going to put this out there: do not mess this up. i don't care how little you like politics. i don't care if this new nominee isn't your first choice.

our alternative is trump. third party splits the votes, and abstaining is just going to fuck the entire united states over. your vote (AND support) matters, and i better see anyone who doesn't want trump to be elected and the United States to become a fascist, authoritarian regime throwing their full support behind this new nominee.

we have three months to go. we're in crunch time. if you don't want to lose your rights, support this new nominee with everything you've got.

edit: just in case this somehow wasn't obvious, this is NOT the post to be a pessimist on. don't say we're fucked. say TRUMP is fucked. we can't go back and change the nomination timeline, but we can absolutely support our new nominee and ensure they get elected.

[crystalelemental]

Bravely Second! I have a bit more time in the game, and am...having some thoughts.

Okay, overall, generally like the cast, but I am specifically pissed about Tiz. I cannot stand him after the first game. The dynamic is otherwise decent. I like Magnolia, Edea was the favorite from the first game, and Yew...okay, Yew's kinda losing his failboy angle and picked up Ed-esque mannerisms by constantly talking about gravy. He's starting to grate a little bit.

My comments on the early half hour yesterday were immediately blasted as I walked into the very next city and straight into "We have to get Tiz in here guys." Followed immediately by a boss encounter with Bella and Cu Chullainn where they die. So glad we're not making any progress from the first game.

Except we are! Apparently. All the old bosses are apparently still alive? And the structure seems to be that sidequests involve Edea having to choose which side of an ethical dilemma to support. Which is...god, I can't. This is so stupid.

Okay, so here's the ethical dilemma, guys! Desert is running out of water again! People are dying and resorting to banditry again. Jackal is trying to keep things in line, but it's kinda rough, and also Tiz suspects that someone is pressuring Jackal to help because he's Republican and can't conceive of someone with a sordid past helping people out of actual compassion, someone must be making them do it punitively, god I hate this fucking guy can we please get a new fourth protagonist. Anyway, Jackal's worried about the state of the desert and wants to know what we can do to fix it. On the other side we have...DeRosa. You know. The rapist. He works at the college now! Which I am sure is going Just Great. He's apparently on the straight and narrow now, and is really helping them out with solving this particular problem with a new kind of energy development. They have the concept all written out, they just need a lot of water to help stabilize the creation process, because if it doesn't go well it could uh, let me check my notes here, destroy the entire fucking city. Anyway, in an effort to figure out water in the desert, you Atelier Shallie it and run into an immediate solution to this age-old problem and find out there's a magic water orb that should be making water, but it's not for some reason. Turns out it just got knocked off the pedestal. Accidents happen. Your dilemma, as presented, is to either put the orb back and renew the oases around the desert so the general populace doesn't all die, or turn it over to Rapey McGee over here so he can possibly explode the city, but hey maybe instead he'll make a new energy source and it'll make everyone rich and happy and end all war which is...totally an achievable outcome.

...so I killed the rapist. Like, even aside from how much I hate him from the first game, this plan is fucking insane, and he even goes on this villain tirade, before the choice, about how the desert people can all just move somewhere else, and after siding against him reveals his obvious true colors of "These desert people's lives aren't even important compared to my conceptualization of progress." The worst part is that they show you the outcome like you made a hard decision. Like they show that yeah, people have water, but this one researcher who just really believes it'll do good is now kinda sad because research got delayed. Not cancelled. Delayed. But ooooh, every five years of delay is decades of suffering, right? Like, you're gambling on a hope that this works at all, using the lives of literally everyone here as collateral. I do not feel bad for you.

Anyway, can't wait for further horrific "ethical dilemmas" that try to posit an obvious horror as a legitimate approach. At least this time Mephelia will live. I'll gladly give up the Summoner asterisk for it.

...oh yeah, you actually commit. The real loss is mechanical. See, I got the Red Mage class, which sucks, but lost the Thief class, which as some general merits forever by virtue of steal in these games always have something it gives near exclusive access to. I regret nothing, I hate Thief and have a hope for a Red Mage passive combo if I can find the right complementary skill.

[fandomsandfeminism]

So, this is going to be a little meandering and all over the place. But I'm trying to express this...web of thoughts I've been having lately around this issue of queer, and labels, and the way we talk about our history and the way the community conceptualized itself in this very digital age. And it's still kind of half formed, so...let's see.

So. OK.

One thing I see a lot online, especially with people who are just now coming out, is a sort of...overfixation on increasingly niche labels. Im not saying that having a very specific or newer label is bad, to be clear. Labels are rhetorical tools, use what is useful. They help with visibility and discussing specific issues. No issues there.

But watching people quibble over bi vs pan vs omni vs abro or non-binary vs genderqueer vs demigender vs genderfluid vs agender vs xenogender vs bigender vs gnc. Asexual or gray ace or demisexual or queerplatonic. And whether they are a biromantic lesbian demigirl or bisexual greyaromantic genderuid. And it's always just a little exhausting, ya know? Again, if those labels are meaningful and useful, that's great, but I see people *agonizing* over which they "really" are. Like if they pick the wrong word to describe themselves, they are coming out the wrong way, like they are wrong about themselves if they can't find the exact correct word on an FAQ list of lgbt vocabulary.

And how I think that relates to the way people talk about our CURRENT labels as though these labels have always been there and like the people described by these labels now have no common experiences with other labels. Like lesbians and bisexual women have absolutely nothing in common. Like butches and trans men have no shared history. As though trans women and drag queens have always been completely separate and unconnected groups. As though ace folks and nonbinary folks are somehow new to the scene, and not community members who were always here and just didn't have a separate label until more recently.

I *remember* watching the community make the switch from transvestite and transsexual, to differentiating between transsexuals and transgender, to basically just using transgender/trans. Those labels are not stagnant. None of our labels are some ingrained biological unchanging objective truth. Labels are rhetorical shortcuts to summarize this facet of our identity and lives and experiences- but they are just words.

And maybe this connects to the way people get really...weird about historical figures too. Like whether Sappho was a lesbian or bisexual, as though either of those words would have had any meaning to her. About whether Shakespeare was gay or bi, like he would have conceptualized his own identity that way. About what modern label Dr. James Barry would have used for himself if anyone could travel back in time and ask him.

And then I think about why queer feels so much more affirming, so much more a place of strength, than LGBT+. Not that LGBT as a label is bad, and I honestly probably prefer it for allies and outsiders to use. But as a community label- Queer, to me, says that all our experiences are queer experiences. Queer can be many things, but they are all queer. Regardless of how many genders or which specific genders you like, whether you have a romantic and or sexual attraction to whatever collection of genders, whatever thing your gender is doing today- all of it, ALL of it, once you step outside that cis, straight mainstream sexuality and gender norm- is queer. Equally queer.

Lgbt+ feels like we are still keeping all those labels separate, little boxes all lined up next to each other- different but a coalition. And while that isn't bad, I also think it isn't totally true.

[A caveat here, that there are times when more specific labels are very helpful. We don't want any specific kind of queer experience to be overshadowed or erased, and having more specific labels facilitates those discussions. Again, I'm not saying that we should eliminate or erase our more specific labels.]

But I think imagining our community as a collection of wholly separate groups that are just allied together, instead of one group that we are all equally in, can make it far too easy for exclusionists to sneak up and say "well ___ isn't REALLY lgbt. THEY aren't REALLY one of us. ___ dont belong."

If we take all the labels off all the crayons- red and pink and purple and blue and teal and green are not hard and fast divisions. They are artificial distinctions we have made- all of them are light, all of them the rainbow.

Anyway. I just think that, while everyone should use whatever labels bring them joy and are useful for them, we might be better off if more folks were ok with ALSO accepting the vast ambiguity of being queer.

[ekjohnston]

hello. in another reply, when asked why you view ahsoka as panromantic, you replied with "aliens". based on that, I feel like there are some things that need to be cleared up. I am not attacking or trying to insult, I just need to say this.

first of all, being pan means attraction regardless of gender, so I don't see what aliens have to do with that since aliens are not a gender. this feels pretty dehumanising(?) to pan people irl and gives in to the stereotype/joke that pan people "are attracted to anything that moves".

on that note, we don't know how attraction between different species works (since we don't coexist with other species we can form relationships with) but I think it's obvious that it would be a completely different part and not connected to gender. someone who is bisexual, for example, can be attracted to multiple genders regardless of species. they would still be bisexual.

we also know that there are no sexuality labels in sw, which means characters' sexualities are merely implied to us, because that's one of the relatable parts of a character. so I don't think someone can be implied as panromantic because they're attracted to aliens, because, to put it simply, that's not the definition of the identity.

in case this is misinterpreted as me not wanting ahsoka to be pan due to possible bad wording(?), I would love for ahsoka to be panromantic demisexual as long as the identities are actually respected.

side note: there is no default sexuality, whether that's on earth or in the star wars galaxy.

I forgot the first rule which is: Don't make jokes; it's too easy to misinterpret because people can't see and hear you for full context.

Okay, so my understanding, as I fumble through my own sexuality, is that bisexuality factors gender into attraction and pansexuality does not factor gender into attraction. Example: as a bisexual person, the other person's gender is part of my attraction formula. If I was pan, gender would not be a part of my attraction formula.

In Star Wars, I use pan to say that some people don't factor species into attraction. Leia has a line in Princess of Alderaan along the lines of "only human males for me", and Holdo is surprised. That's basically how I conceptualize it. I hope that makes sense. Obviously everyone is going to have a different way of thinking and talking about it, because we're human.

I do appreciate good faith questions very much.

As for "default", I do realize there isn't really a default sexuality. However most people will assume straightness until provem otherwise, because we're still working on it as a group.

(I am currently on tumblr mobile because I'm on a cross country train, so if this still doesn't cover everything and you want further clarification, please understand that data is limited and I'm not used to the mobile platform.)

[adobe-outdesign]

opinions on the florges line? i feel they don't get talked about enough :[

Flabébé (not typing those accent marks after this) is a pretty neat little thing that always stood out in my mind. First, the idea of a little sprite that floats around on a flower is just a neat concept, and fitting for our first new fairy-type. And secondly, these things are adorably tiny, standing at a total of 4" tall. Quite literally a pocket monster!

I also like this because, while probably not intentional, it helps solve the age-old question of how flowers in the Pokemon world get pollinated; Flabebe do it!

And in terms of the design, it's pretty well done. I love that it doesn't have a mouth, almost like it has a proboscis instead, and the way the flower stamen compliments the pollen crown is nice. Even the way the lower body mimics a flower stem is cute.

The Flabebe line also comes with different color variations, which isn't particularly important but is at least nice attention to detail. I'm not going to review them all separately, but I'll just say that the white and yellow flower versions are my favorites, as they carry the colors through the design the best.

Floette almost borders on being too similar to the rest of the line, but I think it just barely skims by because the placement of the flower is unique to this particular version, so it at least has one thing to make it stand out. Though with that said, I feel like there was a missed opportunity to give it a different kind/shape of flower, given that Florges doesn't keep the same shape anyway. Would help distinctify it that much more.

I also feel like there are one or two weird things going on with the design. Those green bits work with Florges because it has eyelids, but it just looks strange here. I'm not sure what's up with those two lines on the forehead either. And while not the end of the world, it's kind of a shame that it gets a mouth (side note, for some reason it's the only one of the line to not have a nose). So it's perfectly serviceable, but probably could've been a bit stronger.

Side note, that plot-relevant Floette from XY has its own unreleased form. I'm not sure why they didn't release it, given that it has dex info and everything. Guess it was supposed to be in the scrabbed Pokemon X?

Regardless, its design is fine. It's mostly a recolor, but the palette looks nice and the flower looks pretty cool. It kind of goes back to what I said earlier about giving it different-shaped petals to make it stand out more from Flabebe.

Before we get into Florges' design, I should point out that it's odd that the entire line is pure fairy-type. Don't get me wrong, it makes sense with Flabebe and Floette because they're just holding plants rather than having them integrated into their biology, but by the time we get to Florges it definitely feels like it should've become grass/fairy. (I've heard some people say it's just wrapping itself in plants, but I can't find anything canon indicating this.)

Regardless of typing, I like what's going on with the design here as a whole. The plant-mermaid look is pretty unique, and the way the flowers form around the head to make the entire Pokemon resemble a flower is clever conceptually. It looks elegant and feels like a satisfying final evo as a whole.

There are a few things that don't quite work design-wise though. To me, those flowers around the head are a bit much; there's like 20% more detail in that area than there is anywhere else on the body, which makes it look messy visually. Cutting out the hanging parts and the pink flowers would've helped, but part of me wants to see what it would look like with a simple Meganium-stype arrangement of petals there instead.

Secondly, the ass-out look always looked strange to me, partially because it never straightens up. It probably would've been too rigid if the body went straight up, but it feels like the entire body could've bent backwards in a C shape, mermaid-style. Floette's body is already more or less doing this, so I don't see any reason to not do it here. Alternatively, moving the two large leaves up to the hips might've helped it feel more natural as well.

And finally, that random grey patch on the chest doesn't quite fit the rest of the color scheme, given that the grey is only present on the eye (and head lines) otherwise. I would've either dropped it or integrated it elsewhere. Maybe on the bottom leaves, seeing as they have a dividing line there for no real reason.

Overall, while the flowers themselves could've used a bit of touch-up, this is a nice little line of flower fairies with some charming designs.

[pilmik]

No better way to start a writing blog than by writing something completely self indulgent lmao college students this might hit too close to home but in my defense the new sem started and I'm. Mess

Gen: angst ig???some fluff? hurt/comfort? Quite literally just me writing what I want to hear

CW: insecurities, negative thoughts

Wakatoshi loves volleyball

Everyone knows this

Ever since he was little, he's lived and breathed for the sport

There's nothing better to him than the feeling of the ball hitting his hand, the adrenaline rush of a scored point, the satisfaction of a game well won

He didn't get this far on enjoyment alone though

As his s/o, you know this better than anyone, save for his coaches and teammates of course

You know the effort he's put in, you know that for every second he shines on the court in front he's spent hours practicing alone or with his teammates

And he shines on the court

Watching him play will never fail to make your heart stutter and your lungs feel like they're not getting enough air

After being with him as long as you have, you know enough about volleyball to know that Wakatoshi is something special

His speed, his strength, his reliability

No matter how many times you see that spike, the sound of the ball hitting the floor stays deafening

Wakatoshi was made to play Volleyball. It's an objective fact. Sometimes you think that the sport loves him just as much as he loves it

Sometimes, you get so jealous you could scream

one of the perks of being the volleyball captain's s/o is that you always get the best seats

You watch front row as your boyfriend leads his team to victory, and he always leads them to victory.

You watch, time and time again, as he scores the match point, that sharp wham of the ball hitting the court that sings triumph

Wakatoshi isn't the most expressive person. When his team wins a game, most people would write off his impassive face as nonchalance or as vanity, thinking maybe he's won so many times it doesn't feel like anything for him anymore

But you know him. You know that if you look hard enough at the end of a game, you can see a gleam in his eyes. A gleam that somehow means both satisfaction and hunger

Because while at the end of every game means victory, the end of every game also means the start of a new one, a new challenge, a new opportunity to be on the court. He loves every second of it

You know you're probably the worst person on the world for feeling this way about someone you love, but every time you see that gleam in his eyes, any pride and happiness you feel on his behalf is stained with resentment and an envy so bitter it stays on your tongue for days

You've never had that gleam in your eyes. You've never loved something so entirely, so completely as Wakatoshi loves volleyball

You honestly doubt you ever will

It's not like you're talentless or you don't have hobbies, you have the things you're good at and you have the things you like to do but it's not the same

You want so desperately to know what he feels like, to be doing something and to think, I could do this for the rest of my life and die happy

on your worst days, you wonder why he stays by your side at all

You watch him play, surrounded by his court and his team (no the court or the team, his.) And you wonder what he could get from you that he couldn't get from the sting of the ball on his palm, or the squeak of his shoes on hardwood

He's brilliant, wherever he goes be burns so brightly you swear he leaves scorch marks. What could a forest fire possibly want from a candle?

You watch them play a game against some college team, they win straight sets and Wakatoshi dominated the court, scoring a majority of the points. you're quiet on your way home, and he asks if you were bored by the game

You immediately tell him no, because on most days you love seeing him play, and you try and explain how you feel

He doesn't understand what you're talking about, obviously

Contrary to what most people think, your boyfriend isn't stupid or dense. He has trouble understanding different social cues and conceptualizing some of the more complicated emotions other people feel, but he's not an idiot

But these specific insecurities are something he's never had to face. For him, it's been volleyball since the start. His earliest memories are of his father in the yard, tossing a blue and yellow ball into the air while he sits on the engawa, chubby hands holding tight to a pink vabo-chan plush

It doesn't make sense to him, if you don't have anything like that, then all you need to do is find something you're good at, correct? Then you'll be happy

He tells you this, in his usual matter-of-fact way. (you can imagine how that went)

He doesn't understand why your eyes go glassy, or why you tell him you'll be fine walking by yourself for the rest of the way

But he does understand that he's made you upset, and he knows that he never wants to look into your eyes and see tears that he's put there

As he walks back to his dorm, he's wracking his brain trying to make sense of how you told him you felt, and what he said in response

He's still thinking as he enters the doorway, ignoring Tendou's greeting as he neatly removes his runners and puts them away

This, of course, alerts his redheaded friend, knowing Wakatoshi was taught to mind his manners

He leaves whatever he was doing to see him at the entrance, taking in his pinched expression. He knows that Wakatoshi walks you home after every game, and it doesn't take a genius to connect the dots

He quickly presses the pad of his thumb between Wakatoshi's furrowed eyebrows, smoothing the lines there

"trouble in paradise, Wakatoshi-kun? You can't keep frowning like that you know, you'll get wrinkles! Everyone already thinks you're an old man"

Wakatoshi trusts his best friend, even if he teases him constantly. Besides you, Tendou is his main confidant

He explains what happened much like someone would explain a mission report, in perfect unbiased detail. He tell him what you said, how he thought and responded and your reaction. Tendou is always patient with him, giving him his full attention.

After he finishes his story, his friend sits on his haunches in the middle of the hallway for a few minutes, pointer finger to his chin, head cocked and eyes to the ceiling, hmmmmmming thoughtfully

Wakatoshi waits at the entrance of their dorm room until Tendou snaps his eyes away from the ceiling and onto him

"Wakatoshi kun, I'm going to need you to imagine something for me"

His eyebrows pinch together again, but he nods

"Imagine you never played volleyball, you're exactly the same in every way, except your dad never showed you so you never learned how to play. Try and imagine who you'd be"

Wakatoshi tries his best to imagine, he replaces the blue and yellow ball in his memory with a red one, the bouncy kind they sell in bins at the grocery store. He replaces vabo-chan with some kind of stuffed animal wearing a bow

He thinks about school, about going straight home after class is over, and going to the gym only on weekends

He finds he's skipping parts of his life in large gaps, empty spaces he doesn't know what to do with, his future completely blank. It's terrifying.

Tendou must see the dawning horror on his face because he jumps up quickly with a flourish, clapping his hands together once to draw Wakatoshi out of his daydream

Tendou looks at him, smiling and says "y/n-chan doesn't have their volleyball. Most people aren't as lucky as you, finding your volleyball so early Wakatoshi-kun. Some people never find their's at all"

He stands at the entrance quietly for awhile after Tendou returns to his room, thinking about how scary it felt to imagine, even for a few minutes, his life full of the blanks that his sport filled

He wonders how it would be like to have those blanks empty all the time, with not even a clue how to complete them

Swallowing his pride, Wakatoshi realizes he wouldn't be able to live like that. Wouldn't be able to go forward into such unknowable territory, under such impossible odds

He thinks about you waking up every day, seeing your life full of blanks, and still pushing forwards despite it

He doesn't get much sleep that night.

You wake up in the morning to Wakatoshi's text ringtone

7:10am Toshi <3: Call in sick for first period.

7:10am Toshi <3: I am going to pick you up at 8.

7:13am Toshi <3: I will bring you breakfast.

7:27am Toshi <3: Wear a light jacket, it's chilly.

The half of you that's still hurt over yesterday wants to tell him to shove breakfast up his ass, but then you realise something

You stare at your phone, deeply confused

Doesn't he have volleyball practice before school?

You get ready quickly, and sure enough, when you walk out of your door at exactly 8:00, Wakatoshi is there.

He's wearing his tracksuit and runners, and he hands you a paper bag from the conbini. There's an apple, a bag of grapes and onigiri. In his other hand he's holding a warm drink, written on the lid is your favourite, exactly how you like it

"I am taking you to the park."

You tilt your head up at him, confused

"don't you have volleyball practice?"

"I'm skipping. We are going to feed the ducks."

The idea of Ushijima Wakatoshi skipping volleyball practice stuns you into silence, and you simply follow his lead to the direction of the park, you walking and him doing some sort of ridiculous exercise thing that looks like it'd make you puke

When you get there, you're happy to find that your usual bench is empty.

Wakatoshi pulls a water bottle out of his ridiculously-deep men's tracksuit pockets while you take the bunch of grapes out of the bag, neatly dividing it in half. You decide to take the big half of the grape bunch for once, because he was being a jerk yesterday and you deserve to feed the ducks more than he does. You give him his half and you both start feeding the ducks in silence

After awhile, he decides to speak

"Tendou made me imagine something yesterday"

You turn to face him, but he's still looking at the ducks

"he told me to imagine my life if I'd never played volleyball"

He frowns

"he said to imagine everything about me was the same, except I never started playing. I found that it was difficult"

"there were many things I found I couldn't fill in, both in my life and in myself"

"but the worst part was imagining the future. I couldn't imagine a single thing to put in it"

"I wouldn't be able to live like that. To live every day and see blank spaces and uncertainties. It sounds terrible"

He pauses for a moment and you're like :/ wow king thanks for the pep talk

But he takes a deep breath and he continues

"I think, for a person to face that uncertainty and keep pushing forward, they would have to be exceptional"

Your head snaps to look at him so fast you almost get whiplash

Exceptional

There's a word that you've never used to describe yourself

"I think, that if I knew someone like that, I would tell them that they are strong in a way that I doubt I will ever be"

He finally turns to look at you, and you try your best to see him through the tears distorting your vision

"after awhile of thinking, I finally thought of something that I could put in that blank future. Would you like to know what it was?"

You just nod, not trusting your words. His big hands gently engulf your own and for a moment you're absolutely certain Ushijima Wakatoshi will be the death of you

"if I didn't have Volleyball, if I didn't have a single clue of what I could do with my future, if I still had you by my side, I think I would be alright"

One hit K.O.

He keeps going though, as if he didn't just kill you

"if you would have me, I'd like to be in your blank future. For as long as it takes for you to find your volleyball, I'll be there. If it's months or years or decades,"

"if decades pass and you never find your volleyball, I would still like to stay by your side. Maybe your volleyball is looking for volleyball?"

His face contorts in consideration of the idea, and you can't help but laugh wetly, your tears soaking into his jacket as you bury your face into his arm

He presses a soft kiss to your head

"I apologize for what I said last night. I didn't understand"

You only shake your head

You two sit in companionable silence for a little longer so you can eat your breakfast, then you both walk to second period hand in hand

It's only in the boredom of your math class that you realize the gravity of what your boyfriend had said to you in the park

11:08 you: Tendou

11:08 you: was I tripping

11:08 you: or did Wakatoshi /propose/ to me in the park today

Tendou is typing......

A/N: I've never posted this kind of stuff before so comments would really be appreciated! Like if there's something I could do to make my stuff easier to read or whatever I wanna hear it! Even if it's mean I promise I'll only cry a little