#but i still ship it like fedex

[dumpster-fire-sapphic-failgirl]

Checking in on the Ashoka tag and I’m glad to see I’m not the only disaster that ships Sabine and Shin

[chibifox2002]

Middle school me would be happily flipping their shit if they saw this

I couldn't draw these two (or any character from the show) to save my life

[oldtestleper]

all that shit would have never happened if they had followed OSHA guidelines

[rakkiankh]

Spent a significant amount of time at work today designing dangling earrings for Atem to wear.

Oh how I miss drawing

[angelasscribbles]

Chapter Synopsis- Feelings get more complicated when the court arrives for the Beaumont bash.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

Her eyes widened and she quickly glanced behind her at Bertrand, who had turned away, a telltale blush creeping up his neck.

OH....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA She slipped up!!!!!

God, she looks gorgeous. Of course he couldn’t tell her those exact words, it wouldn’t be appropriate. So he responded, “That dress is quite acceptable for the court’s arrival.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I love that even though we all think he's sexy now, he's still Bertrand!

Savannah. He had utterly and completely forgotten about her existence.

The way it would be for the rest of his life.

Oh my God, you're breaking my heart here!!

I wanna know what Sav said to make Bert blush.....

So of course she had to do it again, intentionally.

That's my girl!

Savannah who, she thought to herself with a smile.

“Riley!” Bertrand gasped, and everyone at their table turned to look at him. “I, er.. “ 

Riley’s heart crashed to the floor. Even after everything, he still wants me to marry Liam. She forced a smile. “No, Bertrand’s right.. Of course I would.”

no no no, he didn't mean it! Poor Riley!

While everyone excitedly exited the dining room, Riley made her way to the nearest bathroom, trying and failing to keep her tears at bay.

GAH! No!

You can't just leave us hanging like that. We need the next chapter stat!

This was so fucking angsty! They need to figure it out! Max, do something!!!

Never Have I Ever

Chapter 14 - The Beaumont Bash - Part 1

Book- TRR

Series- Never Have I Ever

Pairings- Bertrand x MC 

Chapter Synopsis- Feelings get more complicated when the court arrives for the Beaumont bash.

Chapter Warnings- language, sensuality

Rating - Mature

Word Count- 2,010

____________________________________________________

Chapter 14 - The Beaumont Bash - Part 1

The next morning Riley entered the kitchen for breakfast, and Bertrand followed a moment later. He smiled and acknowledged her politely, as if he hadn’t slept in her bed last night. “Good morning, Lady Riley.”

She grinned, “Morning Bert.”

The two locked eyes for a moment, exchanging private smiles.

“Uh, good morning Maxwell!” Max said in amusement, from his spot at the kitchen table where he was having a blackberry scone and tea. “Hope you guys didn’t miss me too much last night.”

“Yes, yes, good morning Maxwell.” Bertrand said, busying himself at the stove with a cup of tea. “I hope you didn’t get into too much trouble last night.”

Riley sat down beside Max with a grin. “Good morning, sunshine! Sooo, tell me how your date went,” Riley said, taking a bite of his scone.

Max smiled conspiratorially, “Let’s just say the Amazing Armando is indeed amazing. I swear I can barely walk today!”

“Ha!” Riley chuckled, “Same.”

She froze once she realized what she just implied. Bertrand still had no idea that she had told Maxwell about their arrangement, and Max had no idea that they had sex. Her eyes widened and she quickly glanced behind her at Bertrand, who had turned away, a telltale blush creeping up his neck. “I mean.. Because I was working so hard yesterday preparing for the court’s arrival! And my.. legs are tired.” 

Maxwell’s jaw hung open and he looked between the two of them, though neither would meet his eyes. He kicked Riley’s leg under the table, and mouthed, “What the hell!? Details!”

Riley shook her head and checked behind her for Bertrand, but he had disappeared. “You seriously want details about what me and your brother did last night?” She whispered.

“Uh, if it involves Bertrand no longer being a thirty year old virgin, then yes I want details!”

Riley looked down, trying not to grin. “A lady shouldn’t talk about such things.”

Maxwell smiled delightedly, “You screwed him, didn’t you? Oh, you slutty queen!”

RIley laughed, “I should be calling you that! Spending the night with the Amazing Armand after one date!”

“Uh, it’s Armand-o!,” Max corrected her. “Can’t forget the ‘o’ because he sure as hell didn’t.” Maxwell sighed as he reminisced. “Several ‘o’s’ in fact..” 

“Maxwell!” Riley chuckled. “Damn, you did have fun last night!”

“Sounds like you did too.” Max smirked, “And I’ll gladly share my title of slutty queen with you.”

The two friends laughed together and Maxwell sipped his tea thoughtfully. “You know, I called it from the beginning.”

“Called what?”

His mouth rose into a smirk, “You guys are totally in love now.”

“What?! You’re crazy!”

Max ignored her, shimmying in his seat excitedly. “I always wanted a sister!”

“Max! It’s not like that!”

Just then a maid entered the room and the conversation abruptly ended, much to Riley’s relief.

__________________________________________

Bertand couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. The court would begin arriving in a couple hours and normally he would be a nervous wreck, but not today. Today everything seemed right with the world. Nothing could bring him down.

His phone chimed with a text and he smiled even brighter when he saw who it was from- Riley. She had sent him a picture of herself in the dress she was planning to wear that day. God, she looks gorgeous. Of course he couldn’t tell her those exact words, it wouldn’t be appropriate. So he responded, “That dress is quite acceptable for the court’s arrival.”

She sent back a kissing smiley face with a heart, and butterflies fluttered in his chest. 

Bertrand sat his phone back on the counter and grinned at himself in the mirror as he fixed his hair. I look pretty darn good today. Just then his phone chimed again and he quickly snatched it back up, excited to see what Riley was sending him now.

His heart dropped as he read it. “I can’t wait to see you today!” From Savannah.

Savannah. He had utterly and completely forgotten about her existence. Now she’s coming here and she’s excited to see me. He sighed and sat the phone back on the counter, and his stomach twisted with guilt. 

The past few weeks he had been living in a fantasy world, but now it was time to wake up. The coronation was happening very soon and there was a chance that Riley would be chosen. In fact, the press was naming Riley, Olivia, and Madeleine as the ‘frontrunners’ for queen. Whatever Liam and Drake had between them clearly wasn’t anything more than physical.. and maybe he had read too much into the whole thing in the first place. It's not like he actually saw anything happen between them.

He should be happy. After all, Riley becoming queen was the plan from the beginning. 

With a heavy sigh, Bertrand buttoned up his suit jacket and made his way downstairs, ready to play the perfect, proper Duke of Ramsford.

Just the way he was expected to.

The way it would be for the rest of his life.

________________________________________________

Riley, Bertrand, and Maxwell greeted their noble guests as they arrived in the grand dining room for dinner. Riley mingled politely with the other ladies of court while they gossiped and chatted about Liam and the Beaumont bash which was taking place after dinner that night. 

Liam made his way over to the group and held his hand out to Riley. “If you ladies will excuse us, I would like a word with our hostess for the evening.”

Riley followed Liam to a private corner of the room where they sat together. “It’s lovely to see you again, Lady Riley,” Liam smiled that charming prince smile and she couldn’t help but return it.

“You too, Your Highness.”

“I thought I told you to call me Liam,” he grinned cheekily.

“I thought I told you to call me Riley,” she quipped back and Liam chuckled.

“The estate is lovely. Bertrand told me that you had a hand in choosing some of the decor?”

“Oh, yes! Can you actually believe he gave up some control and let me and Max help?”

Liam chuckled, “Not really. The duke has always been a control freak.. Likes things to be just so. Which is why I find myself feeling a bit sorry for you.”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Being under constant scrutiny by Bertrand Beaumont must be exhausting.”

Riley watched Bertrand across the room, engaging their guests with a perfect air of confidence and propriety, and she couldn't help but smile fondly. “Nah. He’s cool.”

“Cool?!” Liam laughed, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone describe Bertrand as ‘cool’, but I suppose you’ve gotten to know him better than most these past few months.”

Riley felt her cheeks heat up. She certainly had. 

Just then, Savannah made her way over to Bertrand, leaning in and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Riley watched with rapt attention, trying to decipher what they were saying. Bertrand looked down shyly, while a faint blush colored his cheeks, and Riley felt her stomach drop. They were flirting.. And Savannah made him blush. 

Of course he’s flirting with her. He likes her.

Liam cleared his throat, “Riley? Earth to Riley? Did you hear anything I said?”

Riley shook off her stupor, and turned to Liam ruefully. “I’m so sorry, Liam. I was just.. Distracted for a moment. I suppose I’m a bit tired.”

Liam smiled, “Well, perhaps dinner will help you get reenergized.”

“I’m sure it will.” Riley tried to smile, but her attention once again returned to Savannah and Bertrand while they laughed together.

________________________________________

Riley found herself seated at the head table during dinner, Liam, Regina, and Constantine on her left, Bertrand and Maxwell on her right. 

She smiled amiably, practiced impeccable table manners, engaged in polite conversation with the royal family, and by all means, was the perfect lady. But everything about the evening felt forced on her part. At one point, she crossed her legs and accidentally brushed her foot against Bertrand, who immediately blushed and jerked away. 

So of course she had to do it again, intentionally.

Riley slipped her shoe off and casually stretched out her leg, sliding it along Bertrand’s ankle. He sucked in a breath and sputtered and coughed, face growing red.

“Dear boy, are you alright?” Constantine asked in concern.

Bertrand cleared his throat and plastered on a smile. “My apologies, Your Majesty. I’m alright now.” He glanced at Riley briefly and blushed all over again.

Riley smiled, wondering how far he would let this go. She slid her foot up Bertrand’s pant leg slightly, rubbing up and down his calf. His face was flushed, and his breathing was becoming labored, but the royal family were talking amongst themselves and paying them no mind.

Savannah who, she thought to herself with a smile.

She casually reached over to Bertrand’s lap and caressed his upper thigh with her fingertips. He shivered, but still didn't stop her. 

Ya, he likes it.

Riley dropped her napkin on the floor and as she leaned under the table to pick it up, grazed her hand across the front of Bertrand’s crotch.

“Riley!” Bertrand gasped, and everyone at their table turned to look at him. “I, er.. “ 

Riley quickly sat up and formulated a lie. “Bertrand was just reminding me to take my.." The only thing that came to mind was the medication her mother took any time she ate dairy. “..lactase supplement.”

Liam turned to her in surprise, “I didn’t know you were lactose intolerant, Lady Riley.”

“Oh ya, I totally bloat up like a pufferfish if I forget my pill.” She tried not to visibly cringe at how unladylike she just sounded. 

“It’s true,” Maxwell added, “Digestive health is no joke.”

Now she was beginning to sweat while the royal family gawked at her. Riley cut her eyes over and Bertrand was pinching the bridge of his nose, while Max held his hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking as he attempted to contain his laughter. 

Regina cleared her throat. “Well, we wouldn’t want you to have digestive issues and miss your first Beaumont bash. Of course you should take your medication.”

They looked at her expectantly and Riley nodded. “Oh.. yes of course.” She dug around in her purse, pretending to remove a pill, before “swallowing” it. 

Thankfully dessert was served, interrupting the awkward hell that this dinner had become. Riley supposed she deserved it after torturing Bertrand like that. 

Regina leaned forward to speak to Riley directly. “If you will indulge me, I have a bit of a personal question for you, Lady Riley.”

Riley plastered on a polite smile. “Of course, Your Majesty.”

Regina’s face grew serious. “I know this isn’t the life you grew up in, and the past few months have been a big change for you. So, I have to ask.. if you are chosen as Liam’s bride, do you feel you would want to continue this life on a daily basis? And would you be ready, not only to marry, but also to be queen?”

Riley froze, as all eyes fell on her. She immediately looked from Bertrand, to Liam, then back to Bertrand. “I..”

Bertrand interrupted, “Of course she would be ready!”

Regina chuckled, “I know you’re invested as her sponsor, but there’s no need to answer for her, Duke Ramsford.”

Riley’s heart crashed to the floor. Even after everything, he still wants me to marry Liam. She forced a smile. “No, Bertrand’s right.. Of course I would.”

Constantine clapped his hands together with a grin. “Well, that satisfies me. Unless my lovely wife has any more forthright questions for our son’s suitor?” 

Regina swatted his arm playfully. “Oh, darling, you know I’m just concerned for Liam’s future.”

Bertrand tapped his glass, and stood to address the entire room. “Now that the dessert has been served, the grand hall is open. Please join us there for after dinner festivities as we celebrate the end of the social season with the annual Beaumont bash!”

While everyone excitedly exited the dining room, Riley made her way to the nearest bathroom, trying and failing to keep her tears at bay.

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

this is a slight detour from your usual subject matter but i'm very curious about your experience renting a high-quality camera lens? how did you go about doing that and have you been pleased with how it worked out? (the changing of hands i mean, it's clear you're happy with the lens!)

i didn't know this was a Thing before and now i'm wondering if i might be able to try that myself!

Oh yeah, it's absolutely the best thing if you can't afford fancy lenses / want to try out new gear / just need something for a special occasion.

There are places you can rent online that will ship you gear, and depending on where you live you can often also rent from local camera stores. I've done both!

Right now my main practice is renting lenses from LensRentals, which is an online company that ships out of Tennessee. They've got pretty reasonable rental prices, and they don't charge a deposit - but you do sign a thing saying if you damage or lose it, they can charge you. You can also pay for insurance on the rentals against damage or loss which would mitigate a lot of that cost if something went wrong. I've heard a range of opinions about them, but I've pretty much always had a good experience with them and gotten stuff on time that worked correctly, and their customer service has been really responsive for me when we had some snafus with shipping stuff back lately. One thing they do that I really like is their system is set up with an option to ship directly to FedEx stores for you to pick up, which means I don't have to worry about a package containing pricey gear getting stolen or rained on.

LensRentals also is willing to let you buy their rental gear, which is what I'm hoping to do before I send the really nice huge telephoto lens I've been using back tomorrow. They'll take some of the price of your rental off the purchase cost - it isn't a ton, but it generally covers sales tax and maybe a little more. I like it as a way to purchase used gear because I can see the condition before I commit, and I've had it in my hands and gotten to use it a bunch. That's how I bought my first real digital camera like a decade ago, and where I got my current camera and starter lenses.

If you've got a local rental store, I absolutely encourage going through them! I've done that when traveling - there have been some times I wanted a specific piece of gear to test on a habitat - and it's worked out really well. Plus, supporting local businesses is always the right choice. They'll often all operate a little differently, but it's nice to know people IRL who can help you decide what gear to use or just nerd out with you. Sometimes local places will ask for some type of deposit to make sure you bring the gear back, and TBH if that's within your budget it's perfectly reasonable.

Unfortunately, the local rental place in my area charges a deposit to your credit card for the entire worth your rental until you bring it home, and my credit limit isn't high enough that I can float a hold for that (e.g. upwards of four thousand dollars for the two lenses I'm using lately) and still be able to, y'know, use my card, so I go with online rentals. It drives me up a wall! I'd really like to support local businesses and minimize shipping costs / carbon emissions.

If you think you'd like to rent some gear to try out, I recommend it! Just make sure you know what's compatible with your camera, you've got a safe way to transport and store the rental when you're not using it, and that you know the terms up front. It's been such a fun way to play around and see what I like and what works well for me.

[creations-by-chaosfay]

Kennel Quilts

Hurricane Helene has left people without homes, and many pets are now in shelters. Kennel quilts are very much needed, and are a low budget option for those with limited supplies and time.

Here's the FB page for Kennel Quilts. If you're on FB, I suggest following them. If you don't use FB, got to the link below to sign up for their mailing list. Emails are sent out only when a kennel quilts are needed.

If you can't make a quilt, but would still like to help, you have the option to donate to Petfinder here.

25 kennel quilts can fit into a medium size USPS flat rate box. These are not large quilts. Here are guidelines and free patterns you can download and use for making these. The finished size is about 12x18 inches, the same size as most placemats. This is the form to print and include with the quilts you finish and donate.

These are shelters listed in the various emails I receive from Kennel Quilts:

Humane Society of Sarasota County 2331 15th Street Sarasota, FL 34237

Cat Depot, Inc. 2542 17th Street Sarasota FL 34234

SPCA Florida 5850 Brannen Road S. Lakeland, FL 33813 Attn: Shelley Thayer

Suwannee Valley Humane Society 1156 S E Bisbee Loop Madison, FL 32340

Appalachian Highlands Humane Society 2101 W. Walnut Street Johnson City, TN 37604

Friends of Greeneville-Greene County TN Humane Society 400 N. Rufe Taylor Road Greeneville, TN 37745-2030

Asheville Humane Society 14 Forever Friend Lane Asheville, NC 28806 Attn: Jessica Moore

Humane Society of Valdosta Lowndes County 1740 W. Gordon Street Valdosta, GA 31601

Forsyth Humane Society 4881 Country Club Road Winston-Salem, NC 27104

Watuaga Humane Society has two shipping option:

For USPS: Watuaga Humane Society PO Box 1835 Boone, NC 28607 For UPS or Fedex: Watuaga Humane Society 312 Paws Way Boone, NC 28607

Alaqua Animal Refuge 155 Dugas Way Freeport, FL 32439-3357

Peyton Davis Humane Society of Pinellas 3040 State Route - 590 Clearwater, FL 33759

Gulf Coast Humane Society 2010 Arcadia Street Fort Myers, FL 33916 Attn: Lori Burke

Hope for Brevard 1465 Cypress Avenue Melbourne, FL 32935

[gale-gentlepenguin]

To this day. There has never been a ship that I was sold on immediately like Kai and Jinora.

Jinora Litterally says ONE THING to Kai and boom!

I’m shipping it like FedEx. Other ships it took longer. But damn that one still hits

[beansnpeets]

The custom harness I ordered for Sprocket. First one appears to be lost in the mail. But the maker never sent me photos of the harness like she said she would. She never sent me the tracking number like she said she would. Then she said she lost the post office receipt with the tracking number. She sent another harness via fedex, allegedly, and said 2 day shipping. She messaged me last Wednesday late afternoon that she sent it, so I expected it either Friday or yesterday. Still nothing today. I messaged her to let her know and ask if she had tracking for it.

Surely if she had ripped me off she would have blocked me by now, no? I'm so frustrated. I tried to order this from her way back in February and I still don't have it. Money has been sent and I've been waiting. Sigh.

[silencedrowns]

Wig Seller Masterlist

Some people on were asking if I had a post about this and I didn’t, so I thought I’d make a big master post of wig companies I like! It’s in alphabetical order, with information about them listed afterwards. Currently I have fifteen brands on this list, but if I try and am really impressed by another, I’ll add it. I hope maybe one of them has that hard to find wig you’ve been searching for! I have the color samples for Arda, Assist, Classe, Coscraft, Cyperous, Kasou, and Swallowtail and am willing to help you check if a color from them is correct or not.

Airily

Japan only brand, so you’ll need a shopping service. Wide range of colors, including some that are hard to match in other lines, and a lot of base styles that I like more than other brands. Sells both wefts and lace front pieces. Lace hairline wigs are also available. Fit is medium (not particularly large or small). Price is higher. Swatch book not available.

Alice Garden/aiyaya

Amazon wig brand selling lolita/natural looking wigs. The variety is not good but if they have something that looks like what you need to wear with very little styling, you won’t get something as nice for the price! Styles are all very natural looking. Fit is on the smaller end of medium. Price is low. Swatch book not available.

Aoi Wig

Taobao brand doing character wigs, so a shopping service is required. These are hands down the best character wigs I’ve ever worked with. If you don’t want to do a ton of styling and they have the character you want, you literally cannot go wrong here. Fiber isn’t the world’s most durable but will hold up for multiple wears, and the price is good enough to make up for it. Fit is slightly small but larger than most taobao wigs. Price is a bit high for taobao but is still dirt cheap for what you get. Swatch books not available but the photo color is exceedingly accurate.

Arda Wigs

American based. One of the most common brands for a REASON! Wide range of colors in a wide range of styles. If you have a larger head or a lot of hair, this is your new best friend. They sell lace fronts but not individual lace pieces. The big problem with them, however, is the stock issues. Colors run out quickly so sometimes you have to compromise on which style you buy, or place an order from one of their sister sites in another country that actually has the color you need. (OOPS this is no longer an option anymore! Luckily there are a lot of Arda wigs secondhand online.) Nobody has as much hair in their wigs as they do, which can actually be a problem in some styles; be prepared to pluck lace fronts and use thinning shears. Fit is LARGE; they have the largest wigs in the market. Price is a bit high but not exorbitant. Swatch rings are available for both their fiber types

Assist

Japanese brand, ships worldwide but EMS/fedex only so you’ll probably want to group order. Nobody in the market has as many colors as Assist; between their premium and basic lines, they have over 600 colors! DO NOT TRUST THEIR PRODUCT PHOTOGRAPHY TO PICK COLORS; you need to buy their swatch books or ask a friend who has them to help you choose, because those photos can be criminally inaccurate. If you ever order from them, buy a bottle of Face Cover Glue and watch it change your life as “wig sticks away from face and face framing pieces move out of place” become a distant memory, and I adore their contacts! They sell wefts and lace pieces in their premium line but not their basic. Price varies; Premium line is a great price for what you get, but Basic is incredibly cheap (but not quite as good quality). Fit is small; based on how they fit my clients they’re the smallest of the Japanese brands and if you’ve ever found taobao wigs too small, assist will probably also be too small for you. Swatch books or rings are available and also required.

Blue Beard

Taobao character wig brand, so shopping service is required. Blue Beard wigs are all affordable and decent. You won’t ever get a bad wig from them, but I’ve found that their wigs tend to require a lot of maintenance. Wide range of characters! No wefts available. When you find stolen taobao wig photos, more often than not they’re stealing from Blue Beard. The photos are all color accurate, but you’ll typically need to do a lot of styling to make the wig match the photo. Price is great for what you get. Fit is medium to small. No swatches available.

Classe

Japanese brand that requires a shopping service but oh what a brand it is. Classe has a wide range of colors but where it truly excels is in the range of extra styling supply options. You can buy lace front pieces, yes, but you can also buy stand alone skin top pieces in center whorl or long for parts. No brand is as flexible with what you can do with their wigs, not by a long shot. Make sure to check out their styling blog! Even if it’s all in Japanese, the diagrams are clear and the techniques are genuine life savers. The fiber is beautiful and the website’s color suggestion feature where the desktop version tells you a list of characters they’d use this color for makes picking colors a lot easier. You’ll pay a lot for them, but what you get will be worth it. I’ve been using them a lot lately because no other brand’s fiber is as easy to make behave like human hair. Naturalistic wig stylists and cosmetology people, this brand is for you! Fit is up to 59cm (!!) and is roomy in the hairline coverage to the point some people have to trim the ear tabs a bit shorter, although it’s my personal comfiest fit. (Upon further testing: Classe’s fit is going to be perfect for you if you’ve ever tried an Arda lacefront and found it somehow a bit too big in the cap but too skimpy in the ear and hairline coverage at the same time.) Swatch books are available and affordable.

Coscraft

Based in the UK but ships worldwide despite being way too unknown outside Europe. Coscraft is an absolute gem of a site with a wide range of colors (more than 80!) with plenty of unusual color options that aren’t found anywhere else that doesn’t need a shopping service, a decently large variety of base styles to choose from, and wefts and separate lace front pieces and stick on skin tops in every color. Unlike every other cosplay brand on the planet, their lace front pieces come in dark brown lace for darker skinned cosplayers and not just beige! (The skin top pieces are only in beige so far but hopefully they will work on this.) Also for some reason they sell ridiculously inexpensive corset coutil so for all the craftsmanship people, new source acquired! Even if you’re outside of Europe, Coscraft is so nice that it’s hard to believe their prices. When the pound is up vs your currency, they’re shockingly affordable. When the pound is down vs your currency, the quality per money feels straight up illegal. This is my current go to cosplay wig site for a reason. Fit is larger medium; it won’t be too big or too small on most people. Color swatch ring is available.

Cyperous

Japanese cosplay wig source that theoretically ships EMS outside Japan but I haven’t been able to get that to work for years so shopping service it is. Pour one out for Cyperous; they’re clearly in decline but as one of the original heat resist brands, they’re still here and still worth ordering from while you can. Nobody has as beautiful and delicate blondes as Cyperous; their Milky and White Milky are the best blondes I’ve ever used. They have a nice selection of lace wigs and the much rarer lace bang wigs as well as regular wigs, and wefts of course. No other brand I’ve seen has synthetic wigs that photograph as much like real hair as Cyperous. They can tangle a lot as a result but it’s worth the upkeep. I have no idea how long they’ll keep limping along, but look them up before it’s too late. Price is high but reasonable for what it is. Fit is a true medium. Swatches used to be available and no longer seem to be, but the photos are pretty accurate to my ancient swatch ring and newer wigs.

Five Wits Wigs

Five Wits is the most criminally underrated of the American wig companies because most of their stock photos suck. They really, really, really suck. The photos are somehow incredibly color accurate but represent the wigs as pulled directly from bag and plopped onto someone’s head or a mannequin without even combing them in a flattering way. I wrote them off until I got to see their booth at a con and realized quickly that these wigs are wonderfully made with beautiful fiber that typically photographs like a dream (how do they get such bad stock photos?!) and is so easy to style! Five Wits mostly stocks character wigs, but many of them are versatile enough to use for tons of other things and they offer wefts for some of their colors. The owners are friendly, the service is great, the actual wigs are beautiful, the price for what you get is wonderful, but those dang stock photos keep people from noticing why Five Wits is one of my favorite suppliers! Price is great for what you’re getting, especially for an American brand. The fit is larger end of medium (very few people find it too big or too small). They don’t carry swatch books but every single stock photo, despite being terrible, is an incredibly accurate depiction of the color so feel free to judge colors accordingly.

Kasou

I almost hesitate to put Kasou on here considering that one of the problems with them is that their shipping when it’s from their Chinese warehouse is occasionally “good luck getting your wig”, and I disqualified another past favorite of mine for this, but Kasou squeaked onto this list for two reasons: 1) their fiber and wigs really are spectacular and 2) they have the ONLY Jolyne Kujo pre made wig that I don’t hate. Order from them with confidence that whatever you get will be nice, but keep in mind that there are enough people who’ve had issues with wigs from their Chinese warehouse that you want to give yourself months of lead time if you go that route. They have a decent if slightly expensive price range, medium cap fit, and they do offer swatches. I NO LONGER RECOMMEND KASOU. I still stand by their products being nice, but there have been too many extremely expensive packages lost in the mail with them refusing to refund/replace among cosplayers I know for me to put them as a recommendation. If you order from here, do it with caution.

L-Email / wig-supplier

Not everyone needs premium wigs for heavy styling all the time, and that’s where L-Email comes in. This Chinese-based seller that ships internationally will sell you decent character wigs and decent base wigs for an incredibly affordable price. Nothing from here is going to be spectacular, but if your budget is low and you’re willing to put in a bunch of effort to make up for that, what you need is just a plain wig without tons of styling, or you want a character wig that’s a bit easier to upgrade with extra styling work than other brands because the hardest parts are typically done for you, L-Email is a great option for you. They’re just all around decent, and sometimes that’s what you need. Fit is medium, prices are pretty affordable especially if you go in with friends for shipping, and there aren’t swatches but the photos are typically pretty color accurate.

Sepia

One of the absolute oldest wig companies based in America; every cosplayer active before 2007 has bought at least one Sepia wig. They’re still here though, and now they have some heat resist lace fronts! Their range of fantasy colors is pretty atrocious but if you want some beautiful natural colors, you could do worse than shop here, especially considering there’s at least one more expensive brand (that I’m not putting in this list) that sources lace fronts from Sepia and resells! Fit is medium, price is medium, I haven’t bothered to see if they have swatches because I’m an ancient cosplayer and have the typical Sepia color codes memorized.

Swallowtail

If you’ve heard of this Japanese (shopping service required) wig brand before, it’s probably because the canon wigs in My Dress-Up Darling all come from Swallowtail. There’s more reasons than flexing about how you have the canon Shizuku-tan wig to consider Swallowtail, though! They have a massive color range with a lot of colors I’ve seen nowhere else in the world, and while the fiber isn’t the world’s most durable and is a bit shiny for my tastes in some colors, they’re affordable enough to be a competitive option even if you have to use a shopping service from outside Japan. They offer a full range of wefts and lace pieces and clip ons and a wide variety of base styles. The fit seems to be pretty true medium, and they definitely offer swatches (in the most chaotic ring setup I’ve ever seen. You’ll want to resort that one fast.)

Sylvia_Wig

You can get a lot of decent lace fronts perfect for minimal styling on AliExpress, but Sylvia is my hands down favorite. If you need a natural looking lace front and you don’t want to spend tons of money, this seller is where you should be looking first. There aren’t any swatches or wefts, true, but the wigs have so much more lace than any of the American or Japanese cosplay wig brands, the caps run much larger than most taobao/aliexpress brands (comparable to Kasou or Five Wits), and there’s still plenty of hair to do more basic styles. The fiber is a bit thin and shiny, but it still photographs like a dream, and dollar for dollar you won’t find a better balance between quality lace front and budget friendliness than here. The hairlines are so natural that I have a few from here that haven’t required a single hair plucked to just… melt into my skin. There’s a reason this is my go to first source if I want a lace front and it’s not going to be heavily anime styled (like JoJo or Dragon Ball or whatever). Color stock photos are incredibly accurate; you can trust that what you see is what you’ll get!

since people have sent me asks about this: I do not recommend Epic Cosplay at all anymore. Their construction quality has drastically decreased in recent years to the point I keep getting people asking me to help fix Epic wigs that are literally falling apart, which is enough reason to not want to order from them, but they’ve also had a decade plus pattern of labor rights abuse and employee mistreatment including racism, transphobia, homophobia, ableism, and pregnancy discrimination.

[dumpster-fire-sapphic-failgirl]

One last post, this one about the disk horse itself

My posts, at the very least, are about Kipperlilly’s motivations

it might be romantic or it might be platonic, but Lucy was the one person Kipperlilly seemed to actually care about. And it being the love of the bestie or wanting to wife her is really beside the point bc either way Kipperlilly would be motivated to want her back

It certainly doesn’t matter if it’s reciprocated. Lucy might’ve just been trying to placate the mean girl in their group. Lucy might have despised Kipperlilly. She also might have been writing “KC+LF” in hearts in her notebooks. Whatever Lucy’s feelings, when presented with the choice of “stay dead and have your soul trapped” vs “come back to life and serve a rage god of the Hells” she chose to stay dead. Anything else is us projecting/coming up with fun stories

Kipperlilly was a kinda boring girl with shitty opinions. An entitled brat. But one that came up with the name “High Five Heroes”. And shitty entitled brats can have their worldview rocked and turn out okay later. We know she’s not uncomplicatedly good. I think that her being uncomplicatedly bad, knowing Brennan and the stories he tends to tell, is unlikely.

Hate her all you want. Let that righteous rage of Ankarna flow through you. Love her all you want. You might be falling prey to the Mastermind. Ship her like FedEx. I’m not your mom.

Anyway, that’s a lot of words to say that we still don’t have the whole story and it is just that, a story.

See you all Wednesday!

[greatlordfluffernutter]

fucking fedex

So last Thursday I bought a TV from best buy and ordered it to be shipped to my new apartment (in store, since I was right there so it seemed more convenient to get the guy to do it for me than wait foreshadowing). He said it would be here Saturday. Tracking page agrees. Wonderful.

Fast forward to Saturday. My package has been delayed to Monday without an explanation. No further information, no indication that I had to do anything, foreshadowing just that something went wrong and now its coming Monday. Okay. I can wait.

Monday comes and goes. No package. Monday night I check and it changed from "Monday by 8pm" to "Tuesday no yeah for sure for real pal trust me Tuesday". Okay. Maybe the driver got into two separate car accidents. Whatever. It's been in this city since Saturday but whatever.

Tuesday. No package all day. Check at night. No package. Check the tracking info. My order no longer has an expected delivery date. Hmmmm...

Call fedex since they're still open. Five "I would like to speak to a human representative"s later I get someone on the phone to discuss the situation with.

She tells me that the issue must be that the address for my order does not have the apartment number on it, just the address, and that's why they couldn't deliver it, so the address needs to be fixed.

Fucking bestbuy guy forgot to put down my address number and that's why my TV is three days late.

Literally nobody at either company, at any stage in this process, told me in any way, shape, or form that this was the issue or that I would have to do something about it.

Okay.

Well at least I'm currently on the phone with fedex, the people who have my package, to tell them which number of apartment to deliver it to. I ask her to update the address.

She says no.

She tells me I need to tell best buy to tell them to fix the address.

...okay.

Hang up.

Call best buy.

"I would like to speak to a human representative" "I would like to speak to a human representative" "I would like to speak to a human representative" "I would like to speak to a human representative" "I would like to speak to a human representative"

Robot gets switched out for a different robot to tell me that

They just closed

15 minutes ago

while I was on the phone with fedex

>run jokermode.exe

To quote Abigail Thorn,

WHY AM I DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB

[lauralot89]

He is uncommonly clever, if one can judge from his face, and full of energy.

Jonathan: *uncommonly clever*

Jonathan: *reacted to Dracula revealing he has no reflection and then terribly trying to hide that by yeeting the only mirror in the castle with "But how am I going to shave now"*

yes I know I'm being unfair

After reading his account of it I was prepared to meet a good specimen of manhood

I'm an adult

However, after a while I came away; my friend is just a little too sane at present to make it safe to probe him too deep with questions. He might begin to think, and then—!

I feel like moments of lucidity would be the best time to ask questions, but then, I'm clearly an idiot because I never would have come up with such brilliant plans as "let my patient escape on purpose instead of treating him"

can you imagine if Jonathan had to track all this stuff down with today's shipping companies? Imagine trying to get any information out of FedEx. Then again, if Drac had used FedEx he'd never have received half of his boxes and they'd just be like "yeah we don't know where they went sorry" and only after he specifically called to ask because they wouldn't bother to reach out and tell them

Yes, I've had a bitter experience

Of course they had heard Lucy speak of me, and it seemed that Dr. Van Helsing, too, has been quite "blowing my trumpet," as Mr. Morris expressed it.

I adore how everyone who meets Mina immediately falls in love and never stops talking about it, great stuff

I never thought at the time how strange it all was

yeah, dealing with vampires puts everything into perspective that way

It seemed but poor comfort to so brave and unselfish a soul, and impulsively I bent over and kissed him.

you know, if Dracula hadn't come and ruined everything, these people could have had the greatest orgy ever, just saying

She looked so appealing and so pretty that I could not refuse her, and there was no possible reason why I should

I mean there was the time Renfield stabbed you

His method of tidying was peculiar: he simply swallowed all the flies and spiders in the boxes before I could stop him. It was quite evident that he feared, or was jealous of, some interference.

Seward why are you so judgmental

"You're not the girl the doctor wanted to marry, are you? You can't be, you know, for she's dead."

wait can every patient hear Seward doing his phonograph

He replied to her with as much courtesy and respect as he had shown contempt to me

Maybe that's because she doesn't treat him like a science experiment

after to-night she must not have to do with this so terrible affair

*prolonged furious screaming*

Listen. LISTEN. I know that Van Helsing's own wife went mad and I'm sure all of his not-telling-anyone-anything bullshit is in an attempt to keep them safe from the same fate but like

a) No

b) Mina is the only reason we've made as much progress as we have

c) Are you sure your wife didn't just go insane from listening to you speak endlessly, sir

that was mean of me. but still.

However, 'the milk that is spilt cries not out afterwards,' as you say.

oh my head

he can command all the meaner things: the rat, and the owl, and the bat—the moth, and the fox, and the wolf

Wait.

Wait wait wait.

Dracula can control MOTHS?

DRACULA/MOTHMAN CROSSOVER WHEN

Van Helsing just sitting around listing all the ways Dracula kicks ass feels very Gaston to me

They learned his secrets in the Scholomance

WIZARD SCHOOL WITH HEADMASTER SATAN

Whilst they were talking Mr. Morris was looking steadily at the window, and he now got up quietly, and went out of the room.

Quincey greatness incoming in 3, 2, 1 -

Here we were interrupted in a very startling way. Outside the house came the sound of a pistol-shot; the glass of the window was shattered with a bullet, which, ricochetting from the top of the embrasure, struck the far wall of the room. I am afraid I am at heart a coward, for I shrieked out. The men all jumped to their feet; Lord Godalming flew over to the window and threw up the sash. As he did so we heard Mr. Morris's voice without:—

"Sorry! I fear I have alarmed you. I shall come in and tell you about it." A minute later he came in and said:—

"It was an idiotic thing of me to do, and I ask your pardon, Mrs. Harker, most sincerely; I fear I must have frightened you terribly. But the fact is that whilst the Professor was talking there came a big bat and sat on the window-sill. I have got such a horror of the damned brutes from recent events that I cannot stand them, and I went out to have a shot, as I have been doing of late of evenings, whenever I have seen one. You used to laugh at me for it then, Art."

"Did you hit it?" asked Dr. Van Helsing.

"I don't know; I fancy not, for it flew away into the wood." Without saying any more he took his seat, and the Professor began to resume his statement

Quincey is the best character in all of fiction, I do not take debate

[putschki1969]

Hi, thanks for answering, I decided to order a Wakana disc and a Keiko disc. But I'm a little sad because I won't receive my package, customs is charging me a lot to deliver it and I can't pay that amount and if I don't pay in 20 days they auction it off. I had asked for it as a birthday present for myself, the main objective of supporting them was fulfilled anyway. It should be noted that it was my friend The person who made the order was not well informed and ordered the things through Fedex and everyone who buys from CD Japan tells me that they shouldn't have ordered it through there. In short, now I'm afraid to order something again and not The person who made the order was not well informed and ordered things through Fedex and everyone who buys from CD Japan tells me that they shouldn't have ordered it through there. In short, now I'm afraid to order something again and not receive it 😢Sorry for answering here, but the answers don't let me say much. By the way, drink a lot of water because of the heat.

Oh no!! 🫂 That sounds like such a horrible experience. I'm sorry you encountered these problems while making your very first order. Is there really no one who can help you pay that amount? I know those charges can be criminally high and it's painful to even think about spending that much money (often more than the actual price of the product) but it would be a real shame for those CDs to be lost forever.

I can totally understand why you are now afraid to order anything else. Even after being a fan for so many years, I still hate how difficult and expensive it often is for overseas fans to buy anything from Japan. There have been some improvements in the last decade but it still is a hassle and I don't even wanna think about the many times my anxious little self had to argue with some rude person from the customs office.

With CDJapan, I can recommend Air Mail as the best shipping method. It takes quite long but it's considerably cheaper than EMS, FedEx or DHL. I don't know the customs and import tax rates of your country but they usually like to include the shipping costs as part of the value (which is used as basis to determine the charged tax) so the cheaper the shipping, the lower your customs/tax fees. On a related note, it is better to order smaller/fewer items to reduce the overall value of goods. These days, I mostly order on Japanese websites using a proxy service called Tenso. They allow me to adjust the price of the items which makes it possible to keep the goods value pretty low.

Maybe also try to check if Amazon.co.jp provides international shipping to your country. At least in my case (Austria, Europe), they already include taxes and such in the price I'm paying so the packages don't get held up in customs. This might just apply to EU states though so please keep that in mind (for me, CDJapan works the same as Amazon.co.jp when it comes to taxes).

Please don't let this experience discourage you. It can sometimes be a lot of trial and error when you first start ordering from Japan (especially if you are not familiar with the different shipping options and your country's import procedures). Definitely take a break for a while and try to do some research to be better prepared for future attempts. Then maybe, you can try again in a few months.

In the meantime, check if their solo stuff is available in your local iTunes or Google Play store. If you don't feel comfortable ordering physical goods, you can still support them by purchasing the digital music. It's not much but at least it's something.

Thank you, I'm trying to stay hydrated as best as possible. Hopefully the hot and humid days will be over soon.

[12timetraveler]

if you're still looking for random requests/inspo ♥️ how do you think it would go down if Arthur tried teaching Albert to hunt??

Shot

Content: Arthur Morgan & Albert Mason, hunting, bromance, romance?, 2AM if you squint, cowboys having feelings.

Authors note: Hello Hello! It's been a minute since I've posted anything. I've been dealing with burnout for the last few months and typing words has been like pulling teeth. Even the joys of Black Hills Redemption couldn't pull me out of my slump. But this ask was sent in to me and it sparked an Idea™ so here we are! Hope y'all enjoy.

I really liked this prompt a lot and I had a ton of fun writing it!

I left their relationship a little more open. Y'all know I ship it like FedEx but I didn't really feel like going into the romantic aspects of the relationship so this could be a romance or a bromance. Readers choice.

As always this was written on my phone so if you see any typos or weird autocorrect things, no you don't.

Also just a shout-out to Matt if you're reading this! You sparked some Albert content in my brain which has been very helpful for overcoming the writer's block so thank you! 💙

The full story can be read below or on AO3 (Must be logged in to view on AO3. Blame AI bots for that.)

~~~~~~~~~~~

“If you're going to be out in the wilderness, you need to know how to survive,” Arthur had explained to Albert over some drinks at the Valentine saloon. “What if your horse spooks and runs off with all your supplies?”

Arthur bumped into Albert on the road into town; Arthur looking for a drink to celebrate a job well done, and Albert riding in to rent out a hotel room for the night. After some friendly chatter on the ride in the two had gone to the saloon together for a drink.

“I know I'm not the adventurous type, but I do know how to make a fire.” Albert huffed good naturedly.

“But do you know how to find water, shelter? Do you know good water from bad? Can you hunt?”

“Mr. Morgan, you know I'm not terribly fond of the sport.” Albert cut in.

“Ain't a sport when it's survival on the line,” Arthur countered. “I'm not talking about shooting an animal just for fun, or to show off. I'm talking about finding a rabbit to eat when you're on the brink of starvation.”

“Well…”

“Listen, I understand why you hate trophy hunters. Killing an animal and leaving most of it out to rot is a damn waste. If I hunt something, I use as much as I can. I eat the meat, turn the pelt into something useful, use any part of it I can. Even if it's just a little trinket on my belt. That's the kind of hunting I'm talking about.”

“I suppose I don't have much experience there,” he admitted. “My father took me duck hunting once but it was just sport. He was usually busy drinking with his business partners. I never really paid much attention.”

“Well, now's as good a time as any. ‘Specially if you're gonna be wandering the wilds taking photos of animals.”

~~~~~~

“I-I’m not so sure about this, Mr. Morgan,” Albert stammered as the two men dismounted their horses just east of Twin Stack pass, in the fields south of the oil field. “I really don't think it's necessary.”

“You're the one wandering the backcountry taking photographs of wild animals. You need some survival experience.” Arthur replied. “Shooting bottles out behind the saloon can only get you so far. You need to try on something real.”

"Mr. Morgan I…” Albert stopped walking, nervously rubbing his hands together. Arthur turned to face him. “I don't know if I can do it.”

Arthur softened slightly. He understood Albert, to a point. He remembered vividly when Hosea had taken him hunting for the first time when he was 15. The thought of killing an animal had turned his stomach. He actually threw up after his first downed deer. He had always had a soft spot for animals, and never wanted to see them suffer. Any time he went hunting, even now, he'd kick himself for hours if it wasn't a clean shot, and the animal suffered at his hands.

“First off, please call me Arthur,” he began, stepping toward the man.

“Then please, call me Albert.”

“Alright, Albert,” Arthur chuckled. “I know it ain't easy. You don't want to see the poor animal suffer. You don't want to become like those poachers who waste everything for a trophy.”

“Exactly,” Albert sighed, openly relieved that Arthur understood his hesitancy.

“But we ain't talking about that kind of hunting. We're talking about survival. Catching a rabbit to feed yourself for the night. That's it. It's no different than eating beef or pork. Just more work.”

“I guess I see your point,” Albert relented.

“With any luck you'll never have to hunt for food. But if your horse spooks or you get stranded or for any reason you need to survive, you need to know how to hunt.”

“Alright,” Albert straightened up, steeling himself for the lesson at hand. “Let's go.”

“Good,” Arthur said, patting Albert’s shoulder. “Now you might want to invest in a little varmint rifle, or even just a standard rifle for protection, seeing as you're out trying to photograph predators. But for today, you can use mine.” Arthur pulled out his varmint rifle and handed it to Albert.

The gun looked a little awkward in the photographer’s hands, like he wasn't entirely comfortable holding it. But he and Arthur had done some practice shots before heading out here, so he at least had some familiarity with the weapon.

“Check that it's loaded,” Arthur instructed, and Albert paused, following Arthur's earlier lesson on loading the gun. Knowing he'd emptied it before putting it on his horse, Arthur handed him some ammo to load the gun before Albert could even ask.

“Thank you,” Albert chirped, nodding politely to Arthur as he began loading the gun. “Would you bring something as well?” Albert glanced over at Arthur as he slid the bullets into their place. “In case my shot is bad, will you bring a gun to finish it off so it doesn't suffer?”

“Sure,” Arthur agreed. “I think that's a fine idea.” Arthur slipped his bow and arrow from the saddle. “No point in bringing in another gun and ruining the meat.” He explained.

“Right,” Albert hummed. “If we're going to hunt the animal, we should make sure it's usable.”

“Follow me,” Arthur said, guiding Albert up the hill a little way.

“See these little holes in the hillside?” Arthur asked, pointing to a few small caves in the dirt as they climbed “Entrances to the warren.”

“How do you know they're not badger holes?”

“Too many to be a badger den. Besides the tracks around are rabbit, not badger.” Arthur shrugged. “Come on. We'll get up here on the rocks overlooking the warren and wait.”

Carefully the two men positioned themselves up on the rocks near the top of the hill, looking down over the slope. Arthur crouched down with a sigh, and Albert moved to do the same.

“Now what?”

“Now we wait,” Arthur grunted. “It's cooling off so they'll likely come out to feed as the shadows grow longer. Just need a little patience.”

“Right,” Albert breathed, settling in on the rock on one knee, varmint rifle gripped loosely in one hand.

The two men waited about twenty minutes, neither saying a word. Albert’s knees had grown sore, then moved beyond, to that painful numbness. Despite this he kept still and did his best not to make a sound. Finally his patience was rewarded.

“Oh, look! A rabbit,” Albert whispered. “What a beautiful shot. I should get a picture–”

“That ain't the kind of shooting we're doing today, Albert,” Arthur chuckled in a low whisper, reminding the photographer why they were there. He knocked an arrow in his bow, ready just in case Albert needed the assist.

“Oh. Right, of course.” Albert whispered. He took a deep breath and raised the gun.

“Good, good,” Arthur soothed. “Get it's head right in your sights for a clean kill, wait for it to stop to eat for a moment.” Arthur could feel the man trembling a little beside him, but Albert was focused on the task at hand. “Take a deep breath in, and out. Always shoot on empty lungs.”

Albert took a couple deep breaths to steady his trembling hands. Everything else seemed to go quiet, and as he finished an exhale, he pulled the trigger.

The shot was good, but the rabbit turned it's head at the last second, and the kill wasn't as clean as either men hoped. Arthur quickly followed it with an arrow, ending the animals suffering.

“Damn,” Albert sighed, defeated.

“Don't beat yourself up. It would have been a good shot if it hadn't moved. Unfortunately sometimes that happens. They ain't prone to just sitting still and letting you get the shot,” Arthur assured him, patting his shoulder. “Even if I hadn't been here, you could have ended it's suffering with another shot, or a twist to the neck.”

Albert shuddered at the thought. But deep down he knew Arthur was right. “I never got a shot like that when my father took me hunting,” he noted.

“Well, the kind of hunting your father was doing sounded a lot more like an excuse to get out of the house and go drinking, instead of actually hunting,” Arthur grunted, swinging his bow over his shoulder. “Now let's go get our catch and clean it.” Arthur offered Albert a hand up.

“Oh,” Albert’s face paled. “We're going to skin and butcher it too?”

“Would be a waste to just leave it here,” Arthur pointed out. “It's death should mean something, even if it's only filling the bellies of two fools like us.”

“I suppose you're right.”

“Come on let's set up a camp further up the hill and we'll have some supper.”

~~~~~~

Albert looked rather squeamish as Arthur showed him how to skin and butcher the rabbit. But he watched with rapt attention, following Arthurs every move with his eyes.

“And that's about it for cleaning it,” Arthur said, holding up the skinned and cleaned rabbit by its back legs. “Then all that's left to do is cook it. Could just throw it over the fire, but if you've got some herbs, it makes it a little more palatable. Lucky for us,” Arthur reached into his satchel and pulled out some thyme. “I've got some seasoning.”

“A gourmet campfire meal,” Albert chirped, much to Arthur's amusement. Using some rendered animal fat he rubbed the herbs into the meat before placing it on a crudely constructed spit over the fire.

“Thank you for teaching me,” Albert continued, giving Arthur a small smile. “I know I've been, shall we say, a reluctant student. But I know that it's good for me to know how to do this.”

“Just don't want to hear about you starving in the wilderness,” Arthur grunted as he sat down by the fire. “By dumb luck you've somehow survived enough trouble with the animals you're photographing. I'd like to keep it that way.”

“It wasn't dumb luck, it was with your help.” Albert settled in the dirt across the fire from him.

“I've only helped a couple of times,” Arthur shrugged, pulling out his journal.

“Maybe, but you've helped more than I can say,” Albert mirrored Arthur, retrieving his own notebook and pen to begin scrawling notes from the day.

“Whatever you say,” Arthur shook his head, turning his attention to his journal.

As the rabbit cooked the men spent the time in silence, each writing down the events of the day. Albert noted the animals he saw, the animals he photographed and where he was when he did so. He also notated the spots he visited that had resulted in no wildlife.

Arthur journaled about the job he worked, totalling up the earnings and doing the math of what to provide to the gang. He also tidied up a quick sketch he'd done of the burnt town below Horseshoe Overlook, as well as a chipmunk he drew.

Both men finished up their writing by noting the coincidence of meeting up with the other, and the events that led them to be sharing a campfire out in the Heartlands. Not that either man would know he was included in the other man's writing.

“Rabbit should be about done,” Arthur said, closing his journal and tucking it away.

“Marvelous,” Albert set his notebook aside and pulled out a pair of tin camping plates and forks. “I have a pair of these we can use.”

Arthur took the plates with a grunted thanks, using his knife to carve the meat off the rabbit until the plates had an even helping of rabbit. He handed one plate back to Albert before settling in with his plate, digging in immediately.

Albert picked at the rabbit slowly, seemingly lost in thought as he stared at the sparse meat on his plate. He took a bite or two, slowly, as if tasting it for the first time.

“You ever eaten rabbit before, Albert?” Arthur asked, studying the man.

“Yes,” Albert flashed Arthur a sheepish smile. “Many times. I suppose it's just different when you see the entire process. See it going from a living animal to a meal on your plate is a bit… jarring. Usually I see it already carved at the butchers, or fully cooked on my plate in front of me.”

“I suppose it would be jarring,” Arthur hummed, scratching his chin. “But after all it's just nature. If we didn't eat it, a fox or coyote probably would have.”

“Very true,” Albert sighed. The two men were quiet for a moment, Arthur taking another bite of rabbit while Albert was lost in thought. “I admire you, Arthur.”

Arthur nearly choked on his food, pounding on his chest a few times to correct it's passage to his stomach. He also had to push aside the way his heart skipped a beat. He'd spent too long living the life of the delinquent outlaw cowboy. There's no way Albert meant it like that.

“Why d’you say a fool thing like that?” Arthur huffed.

“Because I do. You have such a high regard for nature. A trait most hunters I've met are sorely lacking. A respect for life that others just don't have.”

Arthur’s face fell slightly. “I really don't.” He huffed, attempting to lighten the mood with a chuckle.

When he braved to look at Albert once more he only saw a knowing half-smile. Did he know who Arthur was? Well, to be fair he hadn't exactly used a cover name. All Albert would have to do is read the paper and he'd know who Arthur was. But if he knew, why hadn't he turned Arthur in?

Albert just shook his head, as if reading Arthur's thoughts. “Respect for animal life, then,” he countered.

Arthur didn't know what to say. Albert was such a gentle, polite man. How could he be sitting here, talking to a known killer, and calling him admirable?

“Guess I got enough blood on my hands,” Arthur shrugged, deflecting the compliment, as usual. “Seen enough suffering without adding any more to it.”

“I think there are too many people in the world who don't care how much blood they spill, human or animal,” Albert remarked. “They lose their humanity.”

“Most days mine is hanging by a thread,” Arthur grumbled, voice full of self loathing.

“I think you've got a stronger grip on your humanity than you think,” Albert set his food aside, attention all on Arthur.

“You… you understand what I do.” Arthur waved his hand, not really wanting to say it. Albert nodded a confirmation. “You've probably seen my name in papers, or on bounty posters. You know I ain't a good man. Battery, robbery… murder. I don't think I could get much worse. I ain't got much humanity left.”

“It's true those are some… high crimes,” Albert relented. “And yet, in talking to you, I see more humanity than I do in the high society crowd. The leaders of the nation are soulless. They're only out for themselves. Wouldn't help an old lady cross the street, let alone random fools they find in the wilderness.”

“You sure you're not an outlaw?” Arthur huffed. “Sound a lot like my mentor. He loves to ramble on about how crooked society is.”

“We both know if never cut it as an outlaw,” Albert snickered. “I'd die on day one. And it wouldn't be to a gun. I'd sooner trip and get trampled.” The two men laughed at that before Albert continued.

“Whatever your reasons for doing the things you do, I don't think you're the monster the papers make you out to be,” Albert explained. “Every time I've met you, you've been nothing but helpful and kind, if a little gruff. You may be a sinner, but aren't we all?”

“I think my sins may be a little greater than yours,” Arthur scoffed.

Albert only shrugged. “Maybe. Or maybe the greatness of our sins varies by the hands we're dealt. The life we live. It's easy to be good when you're born with a silver spoon. It's harder to be good when you're fighting every day just to survive.”

“You a philosopher now?” Arthur chuckled.

“I've had a lot of time to ponder life's intricacies of late. Seeing nature in all her beauty will do that.” Albert shrugged. “But my point is, I've met you a handful of times now. You've never given me any reason to doubt you. The papers say you're a monster but I consider you… a friend.”

“A friend?”

“Yes,” Albert affirmed. “A friend, if you'll have me.”

Arthur was quiet for a moment, staring at Albert, trying to decide how to respond. He clearly couldn't respond with his true thoughts on the matter. He wasn't any good at the sappy emotional side of friendship. His friendships usually considered of having each other's backs and teasing each other relentlessly. Maybe the occasional fishing trip.

“You shouldn't have left your food unattended,” Arthur noted, nodding to the tin plate Albert had set down. It was now empty, the bushy tail of a fox disappearing into the bushes behind him. The fox let out it's laughing call as it darted away with what was left of Alberts dinner.

“God damnit all,” Albert huffed, grabbing his plate and glaring after the fox.

“Here. You can have some of mine.”

“No, you eat, I'll be fine.” Albert tried to protest, but Arthur had already halved the meat on his plate and plopped it onto Albert’s.

“That's what friends are for,” Arthur shrugged. It was the best way for him to confirm Albert's statement. They were friends, as odd of a pair as they may have been. Albert grinned, bobbing his head in thank you before digging in to the small amount of rabbit that remained.

“So, what else have you gotten pictures of since I last saw you with the horses?” Arthur asked.

“Oh let's see. Well I did finally get a picture of a coyote after our first encounter,” he hummed. “And then the wolves. But I showed you that one. The horses, um… oh I caught a beautiful shot of some bison rutting in the dirt. And a loon on the river.”

The rest of the evening consisted of the two men swapping stories of their adventures. Albert detailed all the many trials he'd faced trying to complete his project. Arthur in turn told him if the strange things he'd seen on his adventures. The glowing green light over a cabin in the heartlands. The cauldron of grey liquid up in the hills of Ambarino. The strange bones he'd found in, on and around Mount Shann. Just little things, talking long after the moon rose in the sky, until neither man could keep from yawning.

An unlikely friendship, but one that made a huge difference in both men's lives.

[angelasscribbles]

Listen. I know I say this at the beginning of every chapter, but it's true. Me, when I saw this was up:

What if I cry afterwards? Oh dear God, the horror! 

Oh dear Lord, this had me cackling!!!!

Days ago, Bertrand had looked up several stories online where men described having sex for the first time, and it did nothing to ease his mind. 

I’m gonna need a follow up one-shot, could be a drabble, that show us that!!! Because the mental image is hilarious!

“Bert..” She took his hand and pulled him toward her. “It’s really sweet of you to think of me. And honestly, I took a shower too.. Same reason.”

This is just heart-meltingly sweet!!!

The thought of getting to pleasure her later, sparked even more heat through his body.

Oh….my God!!!! This whole sequence, her being so damn solicitous of his feelings and then offering basically “extra credit”….to him being turned on by that offer…. You just covered fluffy, funny and smutty in one fell swoop!

He looked down shyly. “Yes. A couple days ago. I drove thirty minutes away, parked across the street from the store, wore sunglasses and a baseball cap, and paid in cash.. but I did it.”

OMG……

Bertrand shook his head with a smile. She was teasing him, but he didn’t feel embarrassed. He actually felt more at ease than before.

Oh….he’s comfortable with her now!!! Gah! The fluff, I can’t take it! He’s such a fucking cinnamon roll!!!

She always looked amazing, but he had never seen her look like this before, and his dick responded accordingly.

I’m a little jealous that I never thought up this line. Perfection!

All of it was exhilarating and comforting at the same time. 

Yeah,….because you love her!

The whole sequence is great, but this…this

She closed her eyes, and her plump, pink lips fell open as she gasped.

MUAH!!!

The imagery is just perfect!!!!

Stars swam in front of his eyes and he had to remind himself to breathe. It had all ended so quickly. His body was still trembling when he finally opened his eyes.

My God! That was….that was…..

That had never happened before.

Ohhhhh…..he likes the cuddling after!!

Bertrand couldn't help but wonder if this was what happened after real couples had sex.

Ah, this is sweet and sad at the same time!! Angsty as fuck!

one final thought seeped into his brain and he smiled before drifting off to sleep.

ah, he fell asleep in her bed? I need cuddling!!! Maybe morning sex.....

I am so stoked that it finally happened!!!!!!!

Now I'm going to need them to admit they fucking love each other! Let's go!

Never Have I Ever

Chapter 13 - Bring it Home

Book- TRR

Series- Never Have I Ever

Pairings- Bertrand x MC 

Chapter Synopsis- Bertrand and Riley finally go all the way.

Chapter Warnings- language, sex

Rating - Explicit

Word Count- 2,320

_________________________________

Chapter 13 - Bring It Home

Bertrand stood in front of his bathroom mirror, attempting to give himself a pep talk.

 Chin up, you’ve got this.. Just relax.. Stop worrying about your size or whether or not you’ll last long enough to actually give her an orgasm.. Damn it.. What if I had too much wine and can’t maintain an erection? What if I do something wrong and she laughs at me? What if I vomit from nerves? What if I cry afterwards? Oh dear God, the horror! 

She’s so experienced.. Why does she even want to do this with me, it’s going to be horrible for her!

Days ago, Bertrand had looked up several stories online where men described having sex for the first time, and it did nothing to ease his mind. 

His phone vibrated on the counter, jolting him out of his own head. It was from Riley, telling him she was ready. With one more deep breath, he opened the door and headed to Riley’s room, and into the unknown.

Riley answered the door in a tank top and pajama shorts, golden hair cascading across her shoulders. She smiled as he entered the room, looking him up and down. “Did you change clothes?”

“Oh.. uh.. Yes. I took a shower.”

“Really? You took a shower for me? That’s so cute!”

Bertrand flushed, “Was I not supposed to? I just wanted to make sure I was clean, so that this would be more of a pleasant experience for you, and-”

“Bert..” She took his hand and pulled him toward her. “It’s really sweet of you to think of me. And honestly, I took a shower too.. Same reason.”

He breathed a bit easier knowing that he didn’t do something laughable. He couldn’t bring himself to meet her emerald eyes, no matter how hard he tried. He had never been so nervous in all his life.

Riley sat on the bed. “Do you wanna talk about this first? Do you have any questions or requests?”

He had more questions than he knew what to do with, but instead of speaking, he just shook his head.

She smiled, “I know you well enough to know that you’re in your own head right now. Do you just want me to take the lead, and you tell me if there's something you do or don’t want to do when we get there?”

“That.. would be good.”

She pulled him down onto the bed, so he was seated beside her. “FYI- Don’t worry if you cum early. It’s your first time, so you probably will. All I want you to do is relax and enjoy this, and don’t worry about me.” 

Bertrand swallowed hard, “That makes me feel selfish.”

She smirked, “There are plenty of other ways I can get off later. And you can always help me and get in some extra practice.” 

The thought of getting to pleasure her later, sparked even more heat through his body.

“Oh!” Bertrand suddenly remembered, and awkwardly reached into his pocket, handing her a small packet. “I.. bought condoms.”

“You did?” She was practically beaming. “You actually went into a store and bought condoms?!”

He looked down shyly. “Yes. A couple days ago. I drove thirty minutes away, parked across the street from the store, wore sunglasses and a baseball cap, and paid in cash.. but I did it.”

“I’m so proud of you!” Riley looked at the package and read for a moment, before shaking her head. “Oh.. no, these are the wrong size.”

“I bought the smallest size they had!”

Riley threw her hand over her mouth and stifled a laugh, “No, that’s not it. These are way too small for you. You need a large, at least.”

Bertrand blushed deeply, “A large?! Are you sure?”

“Bert.. yes. You are definitely above average. Definitely. Like, way above average.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Are you serious?”

“Yes!” She chuckled. Riley reached over into her bedside table and pulled out a box, handing it to him. “I bought you some because I never in a million years would have guessed that you would buy them yourself. But you get all the bonus points for taking the initiative!”

Bertrand shook his head with a smile. She was teasing him, but he didn’t feel embarrassed. He actually felt more at ease than before.

“Alright,” Riley made her way across the room. “I’m going to set the mood, and we can get started.” Bertrand watched her light candles and dim the lights, before pulling off her clothes to reveal a red lacy set of bra and panties underneath.

“Holy..” He looked her up and down, only slightly ashamed of himself for being such a cad. She always looked amazing, but he had never seen her look like this before, and his dick responded accordingly.

She sauntered over to him with a wicked grin. “Bert?”

“Y-yes?” He barely managed to get the word out of his parched mouth.

“Kiss me.”

He stood abruptly and immediately obeyed, pressing his mouth to hers with a groan. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he let himself drown in her.. the smell of her skin, the taste and softness of her lips and tongue, her tender, yet confident touch, the sound of her breathing and moans while they kissed fervently.. All of it was exhilarating and comforting at the same time. 

Riley broke the kiss and began working on unbuttoning his shirt, while he started on his belt. His hands were shaking so badly, that he could barely even grip the zipper to lower it. After a moment, only his boxers remained, and Riley shamelessly let her eyes wander across his torso. She bit her lip and let her fingertips trail across his pecs, down his abs, and dip just below his waistline. 

His breath was coming out in ragged pants, and Riley took his hand, leading him over to the bed. With deft hands, she slid his boxers down, and took hold of his hardened length. A couple pumps along his shaft, and he was already trembling beneath her touch. 

“Lay down,” she instructed, and he did just that. She took a condom out of the box, held the package between her teeth and ripped it open. He watched as she slid the condom onto him, rolling it down to the base of his cock. “See? Perfect fit,” she said with a smirk.

Bertrand’s heart was hammering out of control. 

He was about to have sex. He was about to have sex. He was about to have sex!

Riley removed her bra and panties slowly, making sure to give him a long glimpse of her naked body before she climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. Bertrand shuddered in anticipation, looking into her eyes.

Riley leaned forward and whispered in his ear, her warm breath sending shivers through him. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” He replied breathlessly.

RIley took hold of his cock, teasing him against her slick entrance, and his body thrummed in anticipation. . Suddenly, it was as if time stopped and nothing else in the universe existed. A guttural moan fell from his lips as she slowly pushed him inside her. He had expected it to feel good, but never could have imagined this. She was so warm, so wet, so tight, and so soft as she slid all the way down to the base of his cock.

“Oh my god.. Bert..” She closed her eyes, and her plump, pink lips fell open as she gasped.

Bertrand was momentarily pulled from his mind blowing bliss. “Are you ok?”

Her eyes flew open and she swallowed hard. “I am fucking fantastic.”

She braced herself against his chest and lifted her hips before sliding all the way back down. Once. Twice. Three times.. 

Bertrand gasped and panted, sure that the sounds coming from him weren’t even human, but that of some kind of feral animal. The pressure inside him was quickly reaching its peak and it had only been a minute or two. 

Riley leaned forward and took his face in her hands, kissing him softly. “You're trembling.”

It took him a moment to realize that indeed he was. His body was shaking like a leaf beneath her. She ran her fingers through his hair and began leaving kisses against his jaw. 

“I’m.. s-sorry..” he managed to get out.

“Don’t be..” She leaned up to kiss his forehead and the friction of her sliding forward on his cock made him gasp loudly. “I want you to let go now.”

“Not yet,” He replied, “It hasn’t been long enough for you!” Or me. He had a feeling that even if he spent 24 hours a day inside of her, it still wouldn’t be long enough for him. 

“Bertrand, I want you to cum. Don’t hold back.” Riley sat up and rolled her hips back and forth and he groaned. 

Her fingernails pressed into his chest and she continued to rock against him. Her perky breasts bounced with each roll of her hips, and it was all too much.The pressure inside of him had reached its blinding peak and he had no choice other than to let go.

“Ohhh, oh god.. oh god!” Bertrand inadvertently thrust up into her as his dick pulsed repeatedly, emptying spurts of warm ejaculate into her. His fingers threaded through hers and he grasped her hands tightly, while the most intense pleasure of his life surged through him.

Stars swam in front of his eyes and he had to remind himself to breathe. It had all ended so quickly. His body was still trembling when he finally opened his eyes.

Riley was biting her lip, smiling with a mixture of pride and lust. “You did so well.”

Bertrand tried to respond, but his mouth was too dry. Riley lifted herself off of him and he instantly missed the feeling of her warmth. She reached over to the bedside table and handed him a bottle of water. 

She pulled the condom off of him and smirked as she held it up. “Wow.. wish that was inside me right now..”

Bertrand choked on a drink of water, and heat surged through him. “W-what?!”

She turned toward him with a rueful grin. “Sorry.. I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I'm not saying I want to get pregnant or anything! I’m on the pill! I just meant.. I just like.. Nevermind, I’m going to stop talking now.”

Bertrand smiled. It was nice to see her get flustered for once. 

“So, was it.. Was everything.. Ok?” He asked hesitantly.

She smiled and stroked his arm. “It was great. You were great. How do you feel?”

“Spectacular,” Bertrand replied. Although spectacular didn’t begin to describe it. 

Riley leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, kissing him softly. The kiss felt different than the usual ones they shared before a lesson.. Maybe because these particular kisses came after a lesson.

That had never happened before.

Their lips continued to move together, growing more insistent with each passing second. Riley wrapped her leg around him and scooted herself closer against his body. She pulled back and looked down with a devious grin. “You’re hard again.”

Bertrand’s cheeks flushed pink, “Oh.. yes.”

“We could go again.. If you're up for it?”

What he wanted to do was scream hell yes, but what he actually did was reply calmly, “Yes, I’m up for it.”

This time, Bertrand put the condom on himself and positioned himself on top of her. He was much more nervous in this position because he’d have more control, but more than anything, he wanted to be inside her again. Riley impatiently grabbed his hips and pulled him down, lining him up with her entrance. 

“Fuck me, Bert.” 

The tantalizing command had barely left her perfect lips before he obeyed, pushing slowly inside of her with a groan. Gasps and moans filled the room as they soon found a rhythm. Bertrand was in paradise, and found himself creeping closer to the edge with each thrust.

Emboldened by her moans, he reached his hand down and began rubbing soft circles against her clit. 

Riley gasped, “Yes! That’s it.. Keep doing that.”

The second time being inside of her was just as amazing as the first and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer. “I’m close, Riley..” He panted, “Sorry.. I’m just so close already..”

“Me too,” She breathed out softly, before running her fingers across his back. “Oh god, you feel so good inside me.” Her legs wrapped around his hips, urging him deeper. “Keep going.. Harder!”

Bertrand continued thrusting his hips into her warmth, deeper and faster, all the while circling her clit and suddenly her body tensed. “Yes! Don’t stop!” She dug her nails into his flesh and Bertrand’s body succumbed to the absolutely overwhelming pleasure.. Pleasure that was exponentially enhanced by the fact that he had just given her an orgasm during sex.

The two gasped and moaned and panted, simultaneously chasing their orgasms to completion. 

Bertrand’s arms trembled and he fought to keep himself above her, but Riley pulled him down so he was pressed flush against her bare chest. She wrapped her arms around him while she caught her breath, and Bertrand couldn't help but wonder if this was what happened after real couples had sex.

Even though they weren't a couple and never would be, he let himself indulge in the fantasy for the next ten minutes or so, until they reluctantly separated.

Riley was in the restroom, while Bertrand lay on her bed, attempting to come down from the most incredible night of his life. Lying contentedly on her soft sheets, one final thought seeped into his brain and he smiled before drifting off to sleep.

I’m not a virgin anymore.