#but i still feel guilty like i don't want ppl to think i'm ignoring them :')

[chrisbangz]

gonna try to do the things i've been tagged in recently soon 🫡

[keencroissantgardenflap]

DUMBLEDORE RANTS

I've thought that witnessing Marauders fans blame all the deaths on Dumbledore is annoying enough, until I saw DRACO fans blame Dumbledore for all the wrong choices and stupid decisions that DRACO made HIMSELF????!!!

That person said it was Albus's fault for ignoring Draco's issues, for turning a blind eye on whatever happened to Draco in HBP and only lend a helping hand at the end of HBP.

And I was like???? 😦😦😦🤡🤡🤡??? Seriously???? Can you use your brain? At that time of the story, Dumbledore was a leader of an army and he had a mf WAR to deal with, he had plans to complete and had many other people (children, women, men) to protect. He needed to find out what was happening between Harry and Voldemort and turned that information into something useful that could make his side win the war.

He was old as fuck and still had to worry about several things, he sacrificed himself to make a way for the other, for a ray of hope. He was weak, sick and injured after destroying a Horcrux and coming through all the things in that full-of-inferiors cave. Yet he still made an unsual effort to control the situation and did his best to save as many people as he could. And you still think that he had any free time to worry about some brats putting himself in a fucked up position?

I don't say that everything happened to Draco was all Draco's fault. I know he's just a spoiled child who became cocky, rude, selfish and rac*st because of the environment he grew up in and a secret desire to satisfy his parents's expectations. I know he isn't evil at all and didn't deserve all the bad things happened to him. BUT Draco wasn't the only one who was in danger. Every other students, other children were also facing the same war. Did you see what happened to Dean, Seamus, Nevellie and their families? Did you see what happened to other creatures like the elves and goblins? Did you see what happened to Order and Ministry members when Voldemort chased after them and tortured then killed them brutally? Dumbledore was losing HIS PEOPLE one by one, the war became very dangerous for his side and he couldn't hesitate anymore, he must do something, anything to make it better.

And despite all of those terrible things, Dumbledore still cared for you all precious Draco 😀. He had a plan for saving that boys soul, soothe him with warming advices while Draco's wand was still pointing at his neck. All the things he told Draco at the moment before his death are to make Draco not feel guilty about his actions. What else do you want Dumbledore do to help Draco? How else could Dumbledore help him if Draco rejected even his favourite teacher, the one he used to respect - Snape? Things happened to Draco wasn't only because of his fault, but it also was NOT DUMBLEDORE'S.

You think they would win the war without Dumbledore? You think your favourite character died because of him? Shut up you idiot 😊😊

I'm not even a Dumbledore defender, I know that old man also made mistakes in his life but I swear those ppls and their Dumbledore slander start being annoying as fuck. NOT EVERYTHING is his fault ok???? Urrggggg I'm going to get mad because of those ppls, they start losing their sanity for real 💀💀💀, they should be banned from social media for the peace of the world 🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗

[johnslittlespoon]

also little (ok not so little. at all) personal thing as a way of mass–apologizing in advance to friends/moots for being slow with replies/not super interactive for a bit (possibly? always hard to predict) but pls god feel free to ignore this <3

i hate talking ab not–fun personal stuff on here (if it's not hidden deep in tags LOL), but i feel so so guilty for being so slow at replying to messages here/on discord and i would never want any friends to feel ignored or like i'm not enthusiastic to chat bc i genuinely have the most fun yapping together in the wota server and it's been such a joy making more friends here and getting closer with some ppl 🥺 it's just eating me up even tho ik i don't have to apologize/explain myself and i'd never hold it against someone else if the roles were flipped!! it's just to put my mind at ease so i can feel less guilt/pressure :')) and i am Uncomfortable talking about bleh emotions so it's easier to just plop it here and not have to explain myself one on one lmaoo tbf i may delete this in a few hrs bc just typing this up might give my brain some relief anyway and then i won't feel like this is necessary!

but sam lore the quick of it is i have # bipolar and i've been in an originally manic, then hypomanic episode essentially since around the time i started this account? it's the longest 'up' episode i've had but it's also the first one i've been off bp meds for so that might be why (long story dw i see my dr monthly <3 sorting life out rn) and i think starting stimulants back in may prolonged it a bit bc yk. meth LMAO but it finally petered off a few weeks ago and now i am entering the Big D (and not the fun kind) so some days i just do not have any energy for anything other than survival mode and when i'm suddenly super chatty or active, 99% of the time it's bc i just took my adhd meds and downed an iced coffee lmaoo genuinely so grateful i have those meds to keep me from fully sinking deep into a bad episode for now at least. so tldr; not trying to be antisocial or ignore anyone, just tryina truck thru :-)

i'm so thankful for all the cool ass friends i've met thru mota and i have been rly scared since i felt myself swinging to the other side of the bp spectrum last month bc i've been very up since i joined tumblr and i don't want a sudden change in vibes to be taken personally or for it to seem like i've lost interest in fandom!! i also get scared i'll just be dull and boring to friends now who have only known me while i'm manic which is understandable bc it's a big switch up but i think over text it shouldn't be as jarring bc yk i have time to think ab my words more and all. i am a little surprised actually that if anything, my motivation for writing has only intensified in the past month, but i think it's the first time i've had a healthy form of escapism in an episode and my brain has definitely latched onto it to get me thru that and a lot of shit stuff that's been happening irl this summer, so i'm unbelievably thankful that this fandom dragged me back into fic writing as hard as it did <3

but as sometimes happens with depression as i'm sure most of us have experienced, motivation/energy loss can hit even our biggest passions and i'm Terrified and hoping so very hard that it doesn't, but if fic updates do abruptly slow down as i ride this episode out, that's likely the reason. can't see myself losing interest in mota anytime soon but ik that if someone's usual writing pace suddenly slows down, ppl often jump to that conclusion (myself included lol) and i just want to make it clear i will Not be abandoning my fics and as of now, i'm still plowing ahead on all of them. AND THAT'S ALL FR BACK TO MY GOOGLE DOCS fuck do i think this is a journal?? jesus christ my bad

[byersfanclub]

I don't usually participate on the ST fandom, but Bylers are so funny, especially the ones trying to like, really explain why M*leven doesn't make sense, and how Mike' relationship with Will parallels and brings up the problems within M*leven as a couple and they truly go on and on on how the ship could have been written so much better and they would even ship it if it was well written.

Hons, you don't have to explain anything about Byler. It won't convince any person who hasn't already figured out where Mike's heart truly is because it's not about it being a complicated thing to understand it's the fact that they don't want to see it, because they don't like the truth.

I'm definitely guilty about going on and on about how the middle earth ship could have been better if it was well written and paralleling byler to them but I overall agree with this because like it is rather funny how so many of us bylers sit here and talk over things we've gone over a million times since s4 aired. we aren't the ones blind to it but some of us are sort of beating a dead horse by constantly bringing the same things up over and over again. I think it may be because it's simply frustrating to still see people deny what's right in front of their eyes. but you're right. it won't convince anyone who hasn't already figured it out. people who are ignorant are impossible to argue with because they'd rather stay blissfully ignorant than actually think about things because they don't want to feel "stupid" for being wrong.

we really shouldn't have to explain byler at all. I mean the proof is in the fucking pudding. it's simply the fact that it's mlm than ppl choose to ignore it's obvious signs.

[dream-does-games]

I put off writing my thoughts on the final Blades 2 chapter for so long, I'm pretty sure I have forgotten half of what I wanted to say. I also lost the screenshots so there's also that. Imma just work with my memory.

1) Honestly, this book lowkey gave me the realisation that I'm not very fond of villain redemptions. Sorry, I just never got on the Aerin and Valax trains. I didn't hate them, but I also didn't particularly care. The whole scene where Mc didn't want ppl to harm Valax and Valax going "You're my only friends" kinda made me groan.

2) I chose to merge the two worlds so I'd like to hear how the other choices affect the final extra scene. Also while I'm on this topic, I can't believe they really wrote that Mc was willing to just throw her life and LI away for the shadow realm. I get that the place sucks and she'd feel guilty but umm??

3) I also feel like the chapter (or the one before? I don't remember) tried to address some of the Mc's emotional issues and tbh I was actually surprised they bothered. Still it felt like too little for me (and some things got ignored), but hey, at least they tried.

Tbh if there was anything else I actually thought of for either chapter 17 or 18, it's probably lost to time or until I replay them. It been a blast reading Blades 2. I know I didn't always agree with some of the writing decisions, but honestly I enjoyed it (some chapters more than others). I liked the amount of new lore we got. Comparing the final fights of both books though, I think I enjoyed the one in book one better. Chapter 18 in book 2 just felt like it was trying to tie a lot up together (and maybe it's bc I'm salty there was no Tyril epilogue scene especially now that ik some of the others got one. T-T)

Anyway, I hope to see this fandom revive again when book 3 comes out (because with that ending there HAS to be a sequel, right?? ...right?????) Bye until I make an edit or follow up post after replaying. Might probably disappear until they release ID 2

[epickiya722]

I always hear ppl say stuff abt how horrible Ms Kacchan was, how Izuku was tormented by him.

But the thing is that we never really saw it happen, or does the little that we saw really indicate that. And i kinda want to explain why

So, as of the two times that Katsuki himself admited the reason why he has bullied Izuku, one of the major things that drove him to do it, was so Izuku would leave him alone. Acting alongside his fear, and his inferiority complex.

His plan was for Izuku to fade away from his life, to stop affecting him the way he did, ever since he saw what "Deku" started to represent in young Katsuki's head. He wanted his bullying to push him away as far as possible.

But Izuku, ever the mr. "Never give up" guy, continued to chase after him, bc it has never been in his interest to stop being Katsuki's friend. Being close to his symbol of victory. So he had to continue to act like that, until Izuku got the message that he didn't want him close anymore, that he didn't want him standing in his way.

By the pieces of dialogue from the two guys that hung about with Katsuki, that was a time he reacted badly, and more outlandishly than he normally would. And if we even look back at that time, when the class was making fun of Izuku, he didn't laugh.

He didn't find it funny that he had to be presented with anything that would bring out his fear again. That was an actual serious matter for him, specially bc Izuku was planning to apply to the same school he wanted to go, to the same course no less.

If you want to consider that one manga for the HR movie to be canon too, their day to day lives in MS seemed to be basically Katsuki ignoring him, though occasionaly acting like a jerk.

He wanted to push Izuku away, not around. Bc he wanted most of all, for those feelings to not be a problem for him anymore.

Honestly, yeah, I agree with all this.

Katsuki, although a jerk, I have major doubts he actually enjoys being one.

This is why I pay attention to details because as you said, running back to season one, you can see Katsuki not laugh at Izuku. You would think he would, but he doesn't. If anything, he looks guilty and sad.

I think that was a point of Katsuki's life when he's trying to figure out why he acts the way he does around Izuku, why he doesn't want him around. Of course, he figures it's because "I hate him and he looks down on me". At that time, he probably subconsciously (?) was wondering there had to be more to it. Then, UA happened. His environment and people changed.

While I'm sure his middle school class found him unpleasant, no one ever really told him as such.

The most they have done was say "Hey, Katsuki, that was too far" about the swan dive comment.

At most, all Katsuki ever did was when he did see Izuku, he pushed him and called him names. But I don't think he actively seek him out to bother him. Katsuki was a bully, but I don't think he was a bully to search for someone to bother them all the time.

The only time in middle Katsuki did seek him out was after he found out Izuku was applying to UA. Again, as you said, he wanted to push Izuku away.

By that point, Izuku while he still cared about Katsuki, still idolized him, doesn't follow him. Let alone talks to him. He left Katsuki alone. I don't think he followed him around in middle school. Elementary school years, yeah. But middle school? Doubt it.

If he did, Katsuki would have known Izuku was applying to UA. Izuku would have told him if he wanted to. But, as I said in another post, he doesn't push Katsuki to acknowledge him or be nicer to him. He distanced himself.

Overall, yeah, Katsuki bullied Izuku to push him away. Said so himself. He was afraid of losing him. Izuku sometimes thinks before he acts, he's too selfless and careless. So he took the choice to drive him away before he can lose him.

[sharktofu]

Get To Know Me Tag

Thank you for the tag @troubled-mind! It's sweet of you <3

Do you make your bed?

No. Well, only if I know I have guests coming.

What's your favorite number?

13 (i'm ~edgy~ like this)

What is your job?

Hmm... Short version: psycholgist/ office worker (long version is there's probably nothing that i haven't done at my job)

If you could go back to school, would you?

No. Uni wasn't bad, but i was very frustrated how everything was textbook-based and lack 'human'.

Can you parallel park?

Fuck no. I'm waiting for the car thats gonna move its wheels to parallel park to come out.

A job you had that would surprise people?

It's only surprisng if you know me because i don't like kids. And I was a babysitter. a very good one at that!

Do you think aliens are real?

Yes. The idea we're the only 'intelligent' lifeform in a vast universe is just stupid.

Can you drive a manual car?

I have only driven a manual car. The idea of automatic makes me sweat.

What's your guilty pleasure?

I think watching BL dramas? But im trying my best to not really feel guilty about it.

Tattoos?

Two! I have one each under my wrists. Am thinking about getting a lil tonberry tattoo to match the resident evil 'danger' line ✌

Favorite color?

Forest green? I'm bad at naming colors, but the kind dark green that feels like moss.

Favorite type of music?

Everything that fits The Vibe ™ - what vibe? who knows. I know i don't like violins and cellos, because they make my ears tingle and not in a good way. But i am very fond of rock.

Do you like puzzles?

The one that you put together and they make pictures? No. I don't have attention for them. But like riddles and stuff? Sure. I'm just v stupid xD

Any phobias?

I always feel uncertain talking about phobias online (bc i dont trust ppl) but i do have one. Fear of snakes. Cannot tell you its name bc everytime i googled it, it showed me snake. Not recommend.

Favorite childhood sport?

Basketball! I'm too short for it but it was always fun bc i was very quick on the court and most players didnt notice me until i was on the opposite side.

Do you talk to yourself?

All the time. if i let out the thoughts in my heads, then i can actively ignore them while im speaking them, so im never left alone with them ✌

What movies do you adore?

Hm. I like horror movies that use the horror elements as a way to express and overcome trauma? But not in a 'in your face' way. The one that you didnt even know it was about loss or grief or trauma until much later.

Coffee or tea?

Give me coffee or i'll die. i adore it. According to my coworkers i drink too much coffee, but who would listen to them.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

I wanted to be a writer. Still kind of want to but I also am? Because I do count fanfiction.

Softly tagging: @bxdcubes, @astrecora, @sunflowervc, @pixiealtaira, @dark-elf-writes, @princessravenna and mentally hard tagging anyone who would like to do that (because im very bad at talking to people 👉👈)

[redheadbigshoes]

i'm a bit distressed because i just went through the lesbian positivity tag and had to block a bunch of 'lesbian' men/lesboys and 'bi lesbians' and yesterday i was talking to my therapist, and i think maybe she misunderstood me or i wasn't explaining things properly over the phone, but she said because i said lesbianism has nothing to do with men that its a sign of my hate for men (i don't think i hate men now, i have some trauma and trust issues with them and in the past i probably did but i don't think i hate them now) and that me identifying as a nonbinary lesbian is a sign of identity disturbance even when i tried to explain that someone can be woman-aligned without being a woman.. she kind of accepted it after i explained how i came to that realisation but it was a very personal spiritual experience and i don't like telling people about it in detail.

and today seeing those posts saying that men/men-aligned ppl can be lesbians and lesbians can like men and because some lesbians are into some nb people that they can be into men as well and saying otherwise makes you a terf and an exclusionist over something that has nothing to do with you because it's someone else's identity..

i feel really conflicted and guilty and upset i can't even pinpoint why and i'm not sure what to believe anymore because it's upsetting to think i might be a really bad person

i'm sorry this was so long i just didn't know who to talk to - 🐸

Your therapist is a living proof of how people automatically understand saying something like “lesbianism has nothing to do with men” that we hate them. They don’t assume gays hate women when they say “I don’t like women”, but if it’s a lesbian saying “I don’t like men” they assume that, even though we mean we are not attracted to them.

People til this day still cannot understand the concept of someone who’s not a man not being attracted to men.

These people including men in lesbianism by either thinking someone attracted to men can be a lesbian or a man or male-aligned person can identify as a lesbian are indirectly siding with conservatives.They’re openly being extremely hypocritical and don’t even notice that because they just want to act like kids and ignore words meanings.

I try avoiding looking at lesbian tags because of that and fetishization, the stress you get is not worth it.

You don’t have to be sorry. I’m here for venting too, whether it’s about something positive or negative.

[i-heart-hxh]

the funny thing is that I can relate to gon on a personal level. the whole feeling guilty, taking the blame, and explode when things are too much. so to me, the way gon react after knowinh kite's death, is totally understandable. but it still makes me sad to see ppl wrongly interpret his actions and ignored his feelings. like he went though hell too during the whole arc. anyway we know that he regretted his action and he apologized to killua but his action had also caused a crack in their friendship. something that is unfortunate and I think that why the separation is needed to repair it.

but still hurt and I hate it.

and I finally get to meet alluka and I have to say that I still haven't warmed up to her. aside from being a factor in killugon separation, something about togashi introducing her in the series and we are heading to the dark continent arc? makes me wary of her. sure she's cute but well it let's just say, she isn't my fave characte.

I hope the movies are as good and I get to see my boys again. need them to heal this broken heart 😭 (2/2)

I'm glad you finished it! Thanks for coming back to give your impressions!

I agree about the way some of the fandom sees Gon and especially Gon's actions in Chimera Ant arc. It's such a shallow way to view the series and it surprises me how many people don't have compassion and understanding for what Gon went through. His feelings of guilt and his issues with self-esteem that lead up to what happened are present throughout the series--it makes a lot of sense when you go back and watch or read it again, there's so much foreshadowing and build up. I have no doubt Togashi was building in this direction all along. It's frustrating seeing people reacting to Gon's trauma without considering his age and all the reasons it makes sense for him to react the way he did. Even though we didn't see much of his perspective during Chimera Ant arc, it's clear how much pain he was in.

I do think the separation is ultimately good for them, though it certainly makes me sad, too--especially because we haven't gotten a reunion yet. 💔 (As I said in my prior meta, I have a lot of hope that we will eventually, though, assuming Togashi is able to keep working on the manga.)

I'm happy you're going to read the manga next! It's the original, after all, and there are some things that were left out or are a bit different than in the 2011 anime. Plus of course there's the next arc, even though Gon and Killua aren't present. The movies are not widely considered "good" LOL, and they're not technically canon because they weren't written by Togashi, but at least they're something you can consume to help with the post-anime heartbreak. The 1999 anime is also worth watching, though it deviates a lot more from the manga than the 2011 anime does (in some ways I like and some ways I don't like, personally). The atmosphere, art, and soundtrack are distinctive and lovely.

I like Alluka myself and I'm curious about the role she and Nanika will play going forward, but to each their own of course! You're entitled to your own opinion on her. She was a factor in the separation, sure, but Gon also wouldn't be healed without her.

My experience is that the broken heart from HxH doesn't go away if it truly resonates with you (and it sounds like it did for you!), but there are a lot of ways to cope with it--consuming the series multiple times in the different formats available, reading/writing meta and fanfics and looking at/drawing fanart, and commiserating with other people in the fandom. Hang in there, I remember how intense that feeling was at first! I'm always happy to discuss more if you have any particular topics you want to talk about!

[brokentoys]

reading this post. originally was just gonna reply to it in the replies but it was too much, and i didn't feel like making multiple replies. plus it just has me thinking. this is a common 'mistake' in RPing. which, click the post and read it for context of what i'm talking about - because it's kinda hard to explain and op explains it better than i would. but anyway. this is such a common "mistake" in RPing, that i'm sure i've been guilty of it multiple times, and still end up accidentally being guilty of it. and there are reasons as to why this happens so often. at least, from what i believe or understand.

1: RPing is a lot different than writing solo or fanfic writing. this is because you depend on another whole person rather than yourself. what i mean is that their mind is not your own. you don't really know what they have in mind when writing. therefore, it's so easy to write a response that doesn't flow as naturally because it is two different minds without fully understanding the two's thought process when writing. which, yes i am aware of movies having multiple writers and it not being "clunky." but they often set in a room and talks for hours upon hours what's going on in their minds, and what the intention behind what they wrote. they really get inside each other. with RPing, you don't ask somebody about every single reply they do. you just reply to it with a similar tone, is all. so oftentimes, you end up "repeating" things in your reply they said without even realizing it, or without even realizing you're "slowing" down the story.

this is also why it's very hard to write conflict or manipulative villains in rps because both people have very different ideas for their characters, usually. and many ppl don't want their muse to be the one to be Manipulated, or to be the one in the Wrong. whereas when you're writing by yourself - you can easily write one character being manipulated as you have intention and meaning behind it. many rps are simply "winging" it or having a basis idea for something and nothing more. (though this isn't to say heavily plotted out threads don't exist - it's just more common to find ones that are simply being winged out)

2: there's a lot more "pressure" in RPs. even if somebody does realize they may be slowing down or repeating things in a thread; they are working with, and also trying to appease another writer. see, when you're writing fanfic - you're writing it with only yourself, which mention above, you know exactly where you want a chapter to be headed, as well as you're confident you enjoy your own style of writing. it flows easier because of this. with a RP partner, again, not in their head, so you don't exactly know what they're going with or what they like. and you usually don't want to ask them about every single reply they do. so, you often fear if your character doesn't respond to one thing they said, then the partner may take this as their muse being "ignored" rather than simply trying to keep a good flow of the thread.

of course, not defending this as a good thing. i am simply analyzing why i think this is a common occurrence. why muses are often written to respond to every single thing their partner muse said or does. and also wanted to think about the differences between solo writing and RPing.

[queerdesire]

September 30, 2022

It's been a minute since my last update.

What have I accomplished this week? Well I drove for the first time in the dark last night and honestly I think I smiled all the way home. I'm getting so much more comfortable driving and it's starting to feel so fucking good. I'm hoping to have my license by the end of the year. Driving is not as scary and anxious as I always imagined. I'm proud of myself for this.

Let's see what else am I proud of? Oh! I have paid all my bills but two, both are due on the 6th so not late but I'll probably do it right now as all the other payments should of went through. I'ma be a broke ass bitch but it feels so fucking good to be able to pay everyone time.

I also deleted some girls number! She's been semi dicking me around for a month, and I let her >.< She was the one who hit me up and was interested and wanted to go on a date. I was going with the flow of it. Started out texting strong and things like that but then it became 8 separate times of excuses. Like we were not anything where a conversation of her no longer interested would of been perfectly okay. I even said as much during excuse number 6 lmao. But deleting her phone number and not replying back to her bs felt good. And then my toxic side may have left her on Snapchat 🙈🤡, I don't look at her snaps but she has replied to three of my hot story ones since I've deleted her number and ignore last excuse text and it feels kinda good to be like yeah I'm hot and you missed out. Even if it's in my head and even if that may be a bit toxic lol regardless I'm glad I was able to be like I'm done, and it was okay that it took me a month 😭 because I still was able to stop the pattern instead of continue the pattern of letting ppl use me like that.

I've had two therapy sessions now, the first session I felt hella guilty leaving and the second one I felt like I was on a good high. I was given therapy homework though and I haven't accomplished it :( and I don't think I will before Tuesday. I'm supposed to go out with someone and do something out of my comfort zone. The issue with this assignment is I'm scared to ask ppl to hang out that I wouldn't normally cuz that fear of the rejection and I guess that's the whole point. I did ask a girl one hinge if she wanted to hangout in person and I didn't get a reply so I'ma go with that as my assignment completed lmfao. Oooh and in therapy my therapist at one point said "I'm seeing a pattern here do you?" And I didn't so hopefully I will see the pattern she spoke of with the more sessions I have as she didn't tell me lmao.

Hmm what else? Oh completely over my ex! Well for the most part. Obviously I'll always wish it would be different but I've come with terms that she will never want to be friends and I haven't looked at her socials so much so that I missed her bday lol so that felt like a win. Only looked at her socials the last few days. But to be honest I think I'm using Tumblr as a distraction 😅 I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing tho.

Let's see what else...oh the new job is going very well! Last night it felt so easy, I think I asked someone one question and I remembered to bring silly things like the pizza stand, app plates, pepper mill, instead of forgetting until last minute. Oh and a coworker has now started to play with my hair and honestly makes me feel a bit loved, as touch is my love language. She's super sweet. Also last night one of the "favorites" told me I was, "the better new servers" and that I am a "hard worker" my cocky ass knew this, my cocky ass knew i would be but I can't say that :P I'm playing a political game here. But I said thank you lol oh and I was sitting next to some girls and they included me in conversation and one was like yeah when deena first met me she told me she thought I was gonna be a bitch 😅😂. So then everyone wanted to know what I thought about them. One of the girls was like did you think I was gonna be mean? And I told her yes I said "we didn't speak until Sunday!! So yes I thought you were going to be mean but you're very nice." Turns out she told me she's shy and I 100% can see that. I did not tell any of them that I think all pretty girls are going to be mean because they are hot lmao

I don't think anything else happened this week that is note worthy. I havent cried or felt hopeless in awhile and that is a wonderful feeling. I honestly think that has to do with therapy tho.

My period is very late and I'm pregnant jk jk jk 😂 but it is late af. That bitch needs to get here.

OOOH I REMEMBERED SOMETHING. One of my best guy friends works at my new job, he is why I went there. And a different coworker came up to me and was like "do you know Sean talks about you alot?" "I think he likes you" etc etc. And I was dying absolutely trying not to laugh because Sean is such a homie, I would say brother but we playfully flirt sometimes to hype the other up so what ever that makes him. But I had to explain to the coworker that Sean is a close friend, my homie is how I think I worded it. The dude was so small minded though and wouldn't stop and I was like I'm extremely gay and Sean knows this so there isn't anything between us. (I think it's because Sean and I hug at work) because the kid still didn't let it go. I went over to Sean immediately after and him and I got a huge laugh. Sean also said he had never even spoke to the dude before lmfao so I'm real confused but find it amusing nonetheless.

[webslingingslasher]

I feel like crying right now 🫠. I had a rlly bad week and it involved me having a mental breakdown and having to pretend like I wasn't crying when my parents came in my room. Not trying to trauma dump but I was js stressed over school assignments bc I usually never have trouble doing it and my room was very dirty and I had laundry to do and I'm sick and my parents think somethings going on with me because I was late to school three days in a row??? My dad literally said "What's going on with you lately?" While he was dropping me off and I started tearing up so I js got out of the car before I started bawling. My very best friend is ignoring me for some reason??? It usually only lasts like a few hours but this has been going on since Thursday and we still have not said a word to each other.

We're a trio w another girl but the other girl (let's call her v) has other friends and her main friends were a year older but they graduated so now we're a trio. I kind of didn't like her bc I let her rant to me when we were becoming friends but then she got too used to it and I became her therapist which I would be fine with bc I love her but she would never listen to me when I was talking and then when asked she would js giggle and say it's bc of her 'adhd' but then she would say she didn't have adhd too?? Like girl make up ur mind. But then I wouldn't let myself be walked over so I confronted her and she said ok I'll try to be better. Lately she has gotten a lot better and she's becoming a very important person in my life but it's usually always been me and my bsf right? Sorry to go off topic I forget what I'm talking ab and I js keep talking 😭 but uhhh anyways I told v aby bsf ignoring me and she basically told me that I should ignore her back bc she always does it to me and I'm always the one apologizing even tho I don't know what I did wrong most of the time. I send her a long paragraph and she js responds w lol and we move on.

So v told me that I don't deserve that, so I should wait for her to talk to me, and after a while, I was like, "Yk what? Youre right" and she told me "ik this sounds cringy but I'm so proud of you" I was alr kind of crying before that bc I always care more ab ppl then they do ab me and bc of the shitty week I had been having so when I read that I immediately started crying and I was muffling the sounds in my spiderman plushie (I'm so cool ik😎) and I was like that for ab an hour and I haven't talked to my bsf since. We had school the next day, and she ignored me, so I went to my other friends bc I have more of them in my classes than she does, and I had a pretty good day apart from her.

Anyways I forgot what my point was again 😭, but oh yeah today I woke up early to go see the eclipse w my cousins and when I came home I went to get starbucks w my dad and then showered (I had not showered in a while, stinky ik 😪((tbh I think it was the dirty room and clothes that was depressing me)) ) and then I cleaned my room and moved things around. (It was a deep clean day) and I went to go do laundry at my aunties. (I had to put two loads in bc I had a lot of clothes 😭) anyways it is currently 8:30 pm where I am and I js got home bc I had to walk home w my bin.

I come home to my little ipad kid cousins in my room on my bed (I didn't have bedsheets on bc I washed them) they had dirty bare feet and they were jumping on my bed and I had left a drawing on my bed and they crumpled it all up. My aunt js leaves them to do whatever they want bc the older one has autism so that's an excuse apparently??? (Don't come at me she's not a very good mom in that department)((wow that sounded judgy)) also I can't tell them to go away or not jump on my bed because then my parents are gonna make it seem like I'm being dramatic in front of my whole family (my aunts and uncles are here) also I'm Mexican btw so it's a very big deal. Also if I tell my aunt she's gonna be rlly sorry and make me feel guilty ab it and in the end they're gonna end up on my bed either way. Also ik my cousin is also having a bad week so ik small things will provoke him. So yeah 😁 I also have a class tmr at 6:30 pm for two hours and it affects me a lot bc then I feel out of it when I have to come home and get ready for school on Monday.

Anyways sorry for dumping all of this on you and if you made it to the end congrats and thank you 🫶🏽 also feel free to ignore this I js needed to tell someone🧍🏽‍♀️

- 🎧

seems like v is a good friend. and it sounds like you need a good friend right now.

i hope these next few weeks get better, i'm sending a big fat virtual hug your way!

[topconfessions]

just wanted to share my opinion on Seungri's situation as i have never seen anyone say anything similar. even if Seungri didnt r@pe anyone and didnt supply any prostitutes, he was still a part of that business and there's no way he was completely clueless abt what was happening around. he's stupid in a sense that as soon as u smell sth fishy abt the business, u gotta run immediately. his fault is staying connected to the club till the end, while all these gross things were happening, even if his hands are clean.

and if he REALLY had no idea of the gross things behind the scenes, then its even more dumb not to double check everything - the ppl u partner with, what the business is really abt etc and he had to always stay alert and not make any friends there.

he's paying for his stupidity but it was all his actions and decisions. ppl feel sorry for him saying he is a scapegoat which is kinda true, but really is still his fault

Bigbang knew seungri was involved in prostituion. they ALL knew and were okay with it. Some of them didn't know the extent and the rest turned their heads and didn't get in deeper than surface level. They're all stupid to me as much as I love them cause if you even remotely care about the person in your group let alone care about yourself and your own rep, you'll step in and get him out of it or give him an intervention, if he chooses not to listen then you back off and let him sink. They never did that. they let SR be ignorant and throw himself to the wolves. Also....I'm not defending Ri but burning sun and these type of night life entertainment gigs mixed up with some serious names isn't the type of gig you can pick up and put down. It's not that simple. it really isn't. just like you couldn't dip your toe into the yakuza in japan and then suddenly say you quit lol. But yes, I agree he should have dipped out when shit goes deep or stepped back but that does not matter.

he would have gotten dragged and cancelled regardless cause one burning would go up in flames (puns lol) they would have started back tracking to all involved then he would have been mentioned as "idol who frequented burning and was in partnership at the start" so he'd be just as guilty because leaving early or leaving late, you're still guilty on the same degree cause you were involved period. that's how they seem to handle things there.

I'm just keeping it as real as I can - in the real world most don't double check everything in entertainment and nightlife underground schemes. they just don't. I can easily see how seungri got swooped up in it head first plus he was young and he wasn't tops age where he should be more seasoned. I won't say it's everybody and how all things, but most behave that way. I think people who are cautious enough don't get involved and the ones who are involved don't have the foresight or common sense to stop and leave. I could say the same thing for top being stupid enough to bring the socialite trainee HSH to his HOUSE more than once instead of doing it at a disclosed location.

it's his fault and it's undeniable he made stupid decisions but people do get caught up. it's all his fault but I'll jump on a limb and say this is why when I got older and grew out of kpop, I began judging it for what it is, these groups don't care about each other 95% of the way. Seungri is grown and needs to look out for himself / save himself but I do think things would have went somewhat differently if he had a stronger more real bond with the group.

[lesbian-vmin]

I agree 100% that shippers take unnecessary stuff and call it proof. I see it with all shippers. And yeah there is stuff that is ignored that is largely proof with vmin and no one gives a chance to even question them for once. The thing that I felt kind a rude(?) was seeing non shippers being annoyed with the amount of ji/kook content. I get it, we want to see other bonds too! But shouldn't we support all bonds instead of getting upset? (talking abt others) I didn't like the fact seeing ppl being upset seeing ji/kook interact cuz let's face it they are close! but i like to appreciate all their bonds and I'm thankful to even seeing any of them interact even tho I prefer vmin. Also, I'm glad you said you're not bashing ji/kook bc i got a little worried. I don't like seeing other vmin blogs bash other bonds

Wrt to that jikook moment in dynamite christmas remix 1. Jm was obviously aware that they were being captured 2. I dont think what he was trying to do was to seem like he was hugging or being close to jk. I say this bcoz it was in their japan muster there is a moment where vmin are supposed to act cute tgt and jm says since they always show their cute side they should show their scry side and vmin do something where they kind of hide behind their arms and suddenly look twds the camera with intimidating stares and goof around. I couldnt find the link but i will link it when i do. To me what jm was doing at that time looked very similar to that. Like he was having a serious face for so long and during the end he gave a sweet smile and i think thats what he was going for. Hope this makes sense.

The thing that I felt kind a rude(?) was seeing non shippers being annoyed with the amount of ji/kook content. I get it, we want to see other bonds too! But shouldn't we support all bonds instead of getting upset?

But this is honestly why they get upset. Because there’s so much Ji / kook content. And they want to appreciate the other member’s bonds, but it’s hard when Ji / kook is all that’s being shown. (Still haven’t watch the 2019 memories)

But I want to say that I don’t feel like this. Ji / kook moments often make the cut, and it’s clear to me that BH pushes them to the front. But it doesn’t feel to me like they are “the center of the attention”. But maybe because I choose not to focus solely on them? I don’t know...

Also, I'm glad you said you're not bashing ji/kook bc i got a little worried.

Absolutely not. I hate the fact that people here feel so threatened by ji / kook that things are brought up in such a way that I almost have to sound like I’m attacking the ji / kook ship....which is why I’m doing this clearing out the inbox and trying to redirect things. Because it went a little out of hand and I got overwhelmed.

I. Adore. Jungkook. 100%. And I love Ji / kook’s relationship.

Jungkook has a special place in my heart because I’ve been a fan for so long. I’ve watched him since he was 15 years old, so I’ve watched him grow up.

I don’t mind talking about Ji / kook vs vmin. But people need to understand that I’m not here to invalidate Ji / kook. I see them being less likely than Vmin. But they’re friends (just like Vmin). First and foremost. And I won’t attack their friendship at all.

I will reject the reasons people try to convince me that they’re real unless I see value in them. But as many Ji / kook analyses as I’ve read, I’ve not read one to supply me with any information to change my mind.

And also.

I agree 100% that shippers take unnecessary stuff and call it proof. I see it with all shippers.

Guilty as charged. lol

[hilplusterrorss]

i can't remember if i sent you this or not even tho i started sending them like. a minute ago lol so if i did, feel free to ignore and delete this lol

okay, we're mixing it up a little here: which jjk character is mostly likely to watch

supernatural

riverdale

glee

dance moms

keeping up with the kardashians

our flag means death

my little pony

and since it's popular right now - stranger things

now, which jjk character would be the one to watch each show? [ex. like idk nanami watches spn and megumi watches riverdale... i actually don't agree with that, they were the first two i thought of lol]. chose some cursed shows, two popular ones for funsies, and one that i decided yes <3

[feel free to skip any you don't want to do lol]

Whew okay lemme see

Supernatural: see Riverdale (i am doing these it of order lol)

Riverdale: i think Nobara would think it's funny. No, actually i think the first years would watch a couple of episodes every weekend and have fun making fun of how bad it is

Glee: Satoru. Self-explanatory

Dance Moms: Nanami. I think he needs a kind of guilty pleasure to keep him sane and it seems like the kind of thing he'd enjoy watching to make fun of (in his own way.......mainly just scoffing at it and shoving popcorn in his mouth, maybe almost smiling when ppl get in fights or whatever goes down on that show lol)

Kardashians: Nobara. She watches it unironically (jk she started watching it as a joke and then got invested in the drama and she's aware it's stupid but it's fun to her.)

Our Flag Means Death: idk actually. Maybe one of the Kyoto girls? Maybe Suguru watches it with Nanako and Mimiko. Or by himself. Maybe in a different timeline where things go better he enjoys it with Satoru and they imagine having a life like that, different than their own and exciting still but without the weight of the world on their shoulders. Maybe in his own it sounds interesting but makes him feel ill, the thought of a happy ending being possible.

My Little Pony: I don't think Megumi probably watches much in terms of tv and movies, but i think it would be funny if Satoru made him watch mlp as a kid. And then maybe it's a comfort show when he's older bc it's simple and kind and everything always works out and if he goes to bed or takes a nap immediately after its almost like the world is whole and kind and he isn't doomed and maybe he'll be okay and-

Stranger Things: Yuuji. Not only is he textually into that sort of thing (right? I seem to recall him talking horror with Junpei), but genre-wise and thematically it's just. Made for people like him i think. I'm not gonna pretend it's the best-written show ever but i think he would really enjoy discussing it with people

[badfey]

I have a friend with an eating disorder and you seem to know a lot about it. and i don't know anything! so i'm wondering • how do you know so much, do you or a friend have one? • how can i support and help my friend through it. (he also has anxiety and depression so if you have any tips on them you could chuck them in) i know your not a professional but i want to know your personal tips on how you would (or currently do idk) support a friend thank you :))

hi, i myself have been through minor eating problems, but luckily its never spiralled or become a disorder of its own. most of the people im closest to have had EDs, so i do know a lot about supporting them through it. this message is kinda more tailored to EDs, but if u want more advice on the other stuff just shoot another ask bc i have a lot of experience w that too 

 i’ll preface this by saying that just as every person is unique, so will be their relation with their disorder. here are some ways you can help [under the cut because this got long] 

TW: eating disorders, food, self harm, mental illness

getting help: 

if your friend has an eating disorder, they need help. EDs are practically impossible to overcome on your own, and the longer someone goes without treatment, the harder it is to recover. without help, EDs have a very low survival rate 

 if theyre already getting help for anxiety/depression, they should tell the therapist and get help that way. 

 if theyre on a waiting list (or not receiving any help at all) they should tell their gp, and bc of the seriousness of EDs they will be seen faster 

 if theyre not ready to get treatment, you gotta gently but persistently encourage them to get professional help. in some situations, u might have to tell someone on their behalf, but i would say to avoid that or at least do it with open communication so they can still trust u after. denial is a Huge part of EDs, so u have to help them push past that 

 when they first start getting ed help, it will feel like therapists and doctors suddenly dont care about their mental well-being as long as theyre eating. if this is the case, they need to tell their therapist. hopefully their therapist listens, but if not then it could be an idea to carry on ed treatment w them, and see a different person abt the rest 

 recovery only really makes a difference when u stop fighting it. when u stop doing exercises in ur room, when u stop secretly tracking calories, when u stop only pretending to follow your therapy plan 

 supporting them 

 theyre gonna need u as a friend a lot in this time. if you can be someone they can depend on, thats the best thing. however, dont put their needs before ur own: u are just as important too 

talk to them ! like when uve got depression, its easy to want to isolate urself. let me tell u, that gets u nowhere except miserable. just keep talking to them and stuff. sometimes its really important to be able to vent and talk out the big issues. other times its better to talk about light and unimportant things. i think this is the most important one 

validate their struggles. this is v important because even tho u want to show them how life does get better, theyre going through genuine hell right now, so just pointing out that it gets better feels like ur ignoring how bad they have it 

lead by example. do u struggle w body image? ya me too, but im working on it. work on it openly: promoting self love will help u both tremendously 

here is a v good list of things to avoid 

remember tht recovery is long hard and painful, but completely necessary. at the start of getting help, coping becomes really hard bc control gets taken away, and it seems like their entire life starts to revolve around food. it gets easier with time 

recovery blogs r ur best friend!!!!!!!!! for both of u. they offer support and advice and constant insight into how u can be there for ppl, or urself. block thinspo blogs. they can rot.  here are some good recovery blogs

 find out what they like and dislike. and triggers. if they dont like people commenting on what they eat, always move the subject away from that if others start to talk. same w anything that makes them uncomfortable 

encourage recovery. they will probably be constantly cold weak miserable and irrationally guilty, but recovery can change that. sometimes its important to remember just how bad being ill feels in order to keep choosing recovery (same goes for any mental illness)

 things to remember (important for everyone to know, not just those supporting people) 

 an eating disorder is a mental illness, not a body type. any person of any shape can have an ED, they dont have to look a certain way for their struggles to be valid 

 an ED is a mental illness that affects the persons relationship w food. this means there are many different eating disorders, and none of them are more valid than another. not everyone restricts, not everyone purges, not everyone binges 

some people develop food issues as a form of control: when everything else in your life is beyond you, its one thing people can control. until it begins to control them. this is why giving up control to start recovery can be so hard 

for some people it’s body image issues. for some people its control (as said above). for some people its a way to self harm. for lots of people its any combination of the above 

 thats about all ive got right now, hopefully this is what you were after. if you dont feel confident in supporting them, keep asking people for advice. get your own chain of support (u cant support someone well unless u have people u can trust and confide in). follow recovery blogs. theyre honestly the best, and provide a better and more detailed insight than ive been able to. supporting people through things this huge is hard, and ur a good friend for trying.

 its a learning process, and youll get better at it. thats why looking for other peoples advice is so important: it helps u improve. the first time i tried to help someone through an ED, i was 14 and with problems of my own, so i wasnt a good support at all, and i had no idea what to do. you’ll be better than i was (already seeking experienced advice shows this), and as long as you care youll be fine. your friend will be okay too, in time