#working towards a better me
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i wrote an interactive poem for my girlfriend in 3 parts. she said you need to read it.
go here: take only the final quiz or take all 3. i don't mind. it's sad, though. this is a poem about choice. about fate and mental illness and how love fits inside of all of it. this is a poem about a long dark hallway. mostly this is a poem about mango sushi rolls.
good luck. i love you. despite it all, i'm hopeful.
#uqiz#she said i need to put it up here lmafo#something something feel free to send me 5 dollars towards my next sushi roll run#poetry#experimental poetry#there's no specific like warning on this except that im not doing well n therefore it LEAKS into my writing lol#the realllll shit as an author is like ohhhh fuck i write so much better when im mentally unwell lol#:( why cant i be sane AND rational. why does my creativity gotta stem from suffering.#(bc when im not suffering im outside saying YIPPEE and kicking my heels lol)#IF YOU SAW THIS BEFORE I CLICKED THE RIGHT LINK NO YOU DIDNT#hey btw if you're experiencing an error idk what's up with that bc it still loads on my end.#i'll look into solutions but sorry :(#hi friends: i have no idea why sometimes the links break for random people.#it might be a chrome/firefox/etc thing but i will say that the links still work on my end AND i still have people taking each quiz.#so i know it works .... i have no idea what the exact solution is - maybe reload it if urs isn't working?#sorry im not good at coding :(
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domain expansion
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 264#yuuji#help she entered a fugue state and finished a painting in 7 hours again#I still wish with all my heart that wed gotten megumi but HOLDS UP YUUJI THATS MY BOYYYYYYY#god his face is Messed Up i feel so bad#but i do think this is how ill go about drawing the injuries from now on :'>#just a Mess of flesh tones on that boy :((((( maybe shoko can kiss it better#anyway towards the end of drawing this my llsif pilled brain supplied 'domain expansion: happy party train' and i think its a keeper#yuuji if u havent picked a name yet pls consider thank u <3#a train station tho......as much of a vibe as it is i SUFFERED#the high ceilings full of pipework...the parallel lines....thank god i make the rules and dont actually have to detail it all#i love u vague lines that convey Essence Of Room#i think it works !!! i feel like im waiting fr a train n watching time slow around me as the lights stretch#btw the rake brush is SO good fr making lil bits of stretched light like u r squinting . i love it i have fun#anyway enjoy !!! him!!!! we r truly in yuuji kaisen i never Once doubted my boy
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You guys do realize a lot of watcher fans complaining about the six dollars don't just need to "cancel their disney+ or hulu subscriptions." They're the people who ALREADY can't afford streaming services. It's not that they should be supporting independent creators over big corporations, it's that they literally cannot afford to do either.
#Some people in this tag genuinely do not know how poverty works#Like. 6 dollars is A LOT by american standards right now#And that's not even counting countries with currency worth less#For some watcher fans this is literally '6 dollars towards content or 6 more dollars towards rent to keep my housing#Or food so I don't starve'#ren posting#watcher#watcher entertainment#Edit: there's also people like me who CAN AFFORD IT#But they have better things to put money towards. Like college and therapy and medications and a mortgage#So not every fan who can afford it will because there are simply more important things to pay for. Especially in this economy
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i'm actually so pissed that i don't even know where to start..... i've been trying to ignore this for hours but i just can't ☹️
dear everyone on f1blr, i kindly ask you to take franco's name out of your mouth if you don't know him. do not talk about his story if you don't know it. do not call him a pay driver, do not compare him to drivers whose dads are the owners of an f1 team. do not talk shit about him if it's all going to be made-up rumors.
you may hate james vowles as much as you wish to, i don't give a fuck. williams are doing some real random and stupid shit. but is any of this franco's fault? no!! if you'd actually seen him and taken more than 5 minutes trying to learn about him, you'd see how sweet of a person he is and how much he deserves this opportunity, so don't go around spreading lies about it.
#this is not me saying that i think its a good choice (for logan or franco)#this is not me supporting the decision#this is just me saying dont hate on the poor boy!! hes done nothing wrong!!!!!#im so mad at everyone on here whos said something bad about franco#im actually really disappointed#do we not know better than this? it's never the driver's fault#s i g h#like. this is just a poor little kid who's just gotten his biggest dream fulfilled#and yall are shitting on him??? he's been working towards this goal forever and ever and fought through so many hardships#only for you to call him a pay driver??? shut the frick up#logan sargeant#franco colapinto#williams racing#f1#formula one#formula 1
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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perry with some words of wisdom in superman: lex 2000 ("just because this country is about to go to hell in a handbasket doesn't mean this newspaper does, too!") (and we are all the newspaper, really.)
#rereading superman: lex 2000 to cope tbh lmao#but like. deep breaths. the justin mcelroy tweet. im gonna keep doing what good i can and nobody can change that.#i will take today to wallow and be deeply dismayed and disheartened and take comfort in my friends.#and we will all keep trying to work towards a better future no matter what. bc i have to believe it's possible#but. enough of that soapbox im just going to read superman comics and sleep and then maybe play video game or write and call my besties#i can be a real person again later. for now. save me lois lane#rimi talks#clark#lois#jimmy#perry
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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why a B? what was the critique?
this sounds kind of cope i stg its not i would go into it more if it was like helpful or insightful TRUST. but genuinely the feedback was kinda.. incoherent and contradictory...?!? and i got penalised a lot for stuff that i was pretty clearly told was fine during crit whilst working on it. feels a bit vindictive to me and if it was graded by a particular lecturer which im 99% sure it was i have a feeling i know why
#im gonna try and get it reevaluated by someone who wasn't fucking creepy toward me </3#i should specify too it was 2 points off an A because it looks like he gave me the absolute bare minimum points he could for each category#like i got penalised for time management because i missed a week and then managed to catch up the next one#some people didn't start the work til 4 weeks into the module and still got higher grades for that?#i don't know man#copium#not ruling out the possibility it was just kind of mid#but at the very least i want some cogent feedback on how to make it better#ask
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JJ pulling Kiara in by the waist during their kiss and sliding his hands up her back is something I think about a totally normal amount
#i love how he’s so gentle and respectful towards her#but that little moment of greediness is making me feel a certain type of way#the one shot where they were properly kissing and we didn’t even get to see it 😭#they better kiss under a spotlight next season or I’m throwing hands#jiara#jj maybank x kiara carrera#obx 3x09#also bless the gif makers in this fandoms for working their magic on these scenes 💖
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Well, I've experienced some pretty rough weeks of bad news in my life, but this one's certainly up there. (Nothing health or family-related.) If anyone's inclined to say something nice or kind about my existence making the world a tiny bit better, I would be rather grateful.
#not trek#all the stars have been aligning this year toward me getting my dream job#like in the you will never have a better chance at this variety#like in the there are fewer positions in this field than there are fingers on one hand#like I was already filling in doing the job#and I. I did not get it#so that’s just. it#I have a good job don’t get me wrong#but the election and then losing the thing I’ve worked my whole life towards in less than a week#it just. it just kind of gets you down you know#anyway.#might delete later
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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How is your hand doing? Is it still bleeding, at all?
#This is a bit of an unusual one i think#I couldnt get it off my mind.#Short one also. like a certain someone... /j#Its sweet. that they sent an ask to check on it. I wouldve never thought of that.#Plus it definitely shows him that you care more than barely surface level. Which fits into the whole “drill it into him” thing-#i want.#every time he asks something along those lines. and you answer to tell him you care. he gets it a little more.#If you go back in YGM! his behavior towards you is different and out of everything thats changed#that goal has stayed the same throughout everything#His shift in behavior as you talk to him and build a relationship#you have no idea how crazy i am about this if the tags paragraph wasnt a very small peek into it#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#i think drawing hands has finally clicked for me while i was working out the first hand pose on paper#obviously the paper sketch looks a little better cause of ygms style but YYIIPPEESS i think i am Starting To Get It !#Woawie youre all done for when i get hands down better
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I get told often at my job that I'm very calming and reassuring and I feel like a white collar therapy horse
#Creepy chatter#After work I am. Incoherent.#I am only calming if I have responsibility towards you lol...if not....better get Sillayyyyy#I gave a lady a pre-interview assessment this week and she thanked me at the end for helping her calm down#Felt like she patted my strong horse neck and fed me an apple :)
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Today's random headcanon is Gale becoming undeniably turned on by Tav's perfume, cologne, or beard oil.
Just imagine the distraction Tav could cause him. The rich, intoxicating scent drives him to distraction when his lover leans in for a kiss. His thoughts scatter as the scent overwhelms his senses, and he has to summon all his willpower not to ravage them on the spot.
Gale taking the time to breathe Tav in as he slowly kisses their face and strokes their hair. His eyes roll into the back of his head as that sweet, delicious scent sends all his blood rushing south.
If Tav has a beard, he buries his face into the soft hairs. Letting them tickle his cheeks as he rubs his face against theirs until his legs feel like jelly.
His favourite scent is all it takes to turn him into mush.
#gale dekarios#I can't write to save my life#Thinking about it this would work better with Tav towards Gale#This post is sponsored by my boyfriend's Geranium and Orange Blossom beard oil#It made me think of Gale and his scent kink#Is it okay for me to write a Gale MLM headcannon as a woman?#I do think he would appreciate a good beard oil#Perhaps Tav would have to show him how to use it since he has never had a beard before#That's a sweet short story idea#Along with a long haired Tav teaching him how to maintain his newly long hair
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BUFFY BROKE UP THE COVEN (but make it gay) ->
in which DARLA is the vampire cursed with a soul who falls in love with the slayer; and DRUSILLA is the monster who remakes herself in order to earn a chance at buffy summers' love.
insp | insp
#darla btvs#drusilla btvs#darla#drusilla#buffydarla#buffydru#btvs#btvsedit#buffy the vampire slayer#honestly the sexiest part of this au To Me is not all the hot lady action we got going on here. its really not. you know what it is?#you know how in canon both angel and spike abandon the women-monsters who made them in order to themselves become something better#and be worthy of buffy and work towards good and just generally Transcend their circumstances?#in THIS universe both darla and drusilla abandon the men-monsters they CREATED#the human children they dragged into the filth and spent decades defiling who defiled others in turn#in order to like. impress a cute girl. lmao#(thats an oversimplification of things for comedic reasons BUT. you do get what i'm saying.)#In This House We Support Vampire Ladies' Wrongs#***all of the og images from this moodboard are taken from pinterest theyre not mine#blood cw#it's terribly simple#a fact or a weapon au
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I saw @qourmet's young madam lan art, and knew what I had to do.
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan furen#horse#we need to name her horse IMMEDIATELY#Qingheng-Jun#She is stunning and beautiful and the design has me in a death grip#AND she's a horse girl? It was not even and option to not draw her.#Lan wangji has to get his biting and tearing and killing genes from somewhere.#Its maternal. He inherited the hunting instinct from his mother and an attraction to people who do crimes from his father#btw if yall haven't seen them; All of qourmet's prev generation designs are *so* good. I have genuinely gotten brainrot over CSSR and WCZ.#On every god that exists I WILL find a way to have them show up in the pd-mdzs comic canon. I've already scripted the comics. Its happening#Also it's been too long since I drew an equine. Why are there not *more* equines in MDZS. This is why I had to make the equineswap au.#I''m still not sure how a horse works. but I'm getting there.#Slowly I am creeping towards the necessary skill set I need to draw Qiyan Agula.#JQWS audio drama....I am gazing at you so fondly. I will return to you with power and strength (better comic skills to draw you)#we are a long way away but...that's the dream project.
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