#working towards a better me
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November 10
Drove some where for the first time all by myself !!! Sounds so dumb but I'm beyond excited for myself, like I did that :). I was so fucking anxious all day before works like I even took a nap before work just to not be feeling a type of way and then it went so well. Except I forgot how shitty radio music is lol
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domain expansion
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 264#yuuji#help she entered a fugue state and finished a painting in 7 hours again#I still wish with all my heart that wed gotten megumi but HOLDS UP YUUJI THATS MY BOYYYYYYY#god his face is Messed Up i feel so bad#but i do think this is how ill go about drawing the injuries from now on :'>#just a Mess of flesh tones on that boy :((((( maybe shoko can kiss it better#anyway towards the end of drawing this my llsif pilled brain supplied 'domain expansion: happy party train' and i think its a keeper#yuuji if u havent picked a name yet pls consider thank u <3#a train station tho......as much of a vibe as it is i SUFFERED#the high ceilings full of pipework...the parallel lines....thank god i make the rules and dont actually have to detail it all#i love u vague lines that convey Essence Of Room#i think it works !!! i feel like im waiting fr a train n watching time slow around me as the lights stretch#btw the rake brush is SO good fr making lil bits of stretched light like u r squinting . i love it i have fun#anyway enjoy !!! him!!!! we r truly in yuuji kaisen i never Once doubted my boy
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You guys do realize a lot of watcher fans complaining about the six dollars don't just need to "cancel their disney+ or hulu subscriptions." They're the people who ALREADY can't afford streaming services. It's not that they should be supporting independent creators over big corporations, it's that they literally cannot afford to do either.
#Some people in this tag genuinely do not know how poverty works#Like. 6 dollars is A LOT by american standards right now#And that's not even counting countries with currency worth less#For some watcher fans this is literally '6 dollars towards content or 6 more dollars towards rent to keep my housing#Or food so I don't starve'#ren posting#watcher#watcher entertainment#Edit: there's also people like me who CAN AFFORD IT#But they have better things to put money towards. Like college and therapy and medications and a mortgage#So not every fan who can afford it will because there are simply more important things to pay for. Especially in this economy
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i'm actually so pissed that i don't even know where to start..... i've been trying to ignore this for hours but i just can't ☹️
dear everyone on f1blr, i kindly ask you to take franco's name out of your mouth if you don't know him. do not talk about his story if you don't know it. do not call him a pay driver, do not compare him to drivers whose dads are the owners of an f1 team. do not talk shit about him if it's all going to be made-up rumors.
you may hate james vowles as much as you wish to, i don't give a fuck. williams are doing some real random and stupid shit. but is any of this franco's fault? no!! if you'd actually seen him and taken more than 5 minutes trying to learn about him, you'd see how sweet of a person he is and how much he deserves this opportunity, so don't go around spreading lies about it.
#this is not me saying that i think its a good choice (for logan or franco)#this is not me supporting the decision#this is just me saying dont hate on the poor boy!! hes done nothing wrong!!!!!#im so mad at everyone on here whos said something bad about franco#im actually really disappointed#do we not know better than this? it's never the driver's fault#s i g h#like. this is just a poor little kid who's just gotten his biggest dream fulfilled#and yall are shitting on him??? he's been working towards this goal forever and ever and fought through so many hardships#only for you to call him a pay driver??? shut the frick up#logan sargeant#franco colapinto#williams racing#f1#formula one#formula 1
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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perry with some words of wisdom in superman: lex 2000 ("just because this country is about to go to hell in a handbasket doesn't mean this newspaper does, too!") (and we are all the newspaper, really.)
#rereading superman: lex 2000 to cope tbh lmao#but like. deep breaths. the justin mcelroy tweet. im gonna keep doing what good i can and nobody can change that.#i will take today to wallow and be deeply dismayed and disheartened and take comfort in my friends.#and we will all keep trying to work towards a better future no matter what. bc i have to believe it's possible#but. enough of that soapbox im just going to read superman comics and sleep and then maybe play video game or write and call my besties#i can be a real person again later. for now. save me lois lane#rimi talks#clark#lois#jimmy#perry
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JJ pulling Kiara in by the waist during their kiss and sliding his hands up her back is something I think about a totally normal amount
#i love how he’s so gentle and respectful towards her#but that little moment of greediness is making me feel a certain type of way#the one shot where they were properly kissing and we didn’t even get to see it 😭#they better kiss under a spotlight next season or I’m throwing hands#jiara#jj maybank x kiara carrera#obx 3x09#also bless the gif makers in this fandoms for working their magic on these scenes 💖
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litany of the martyrs (click for better resolution!)
#at some point i wanted to make an illustration for each character but in retrospect maybe each is multiple song-coded..#drew the sketch for a quincy thing after a chat with a mutual reminded me this song existed dfsghjkl and then spent weeks rendering this#quincy cynthius martin#adamandi#i'm finally done with this! the saints especially were joys to paint and the halo a menace.... this has been the most ambitious one so far.#but it also took quite long because i only worked on it <engages with quincy> when mentally okay to deal with the themes. i'm not religious#but i do identify with the irrational(?ish) guilt + family legacy + academic achievement + disregard for self. also more complex thoughts#about love [but depsite quincent being a large part of quincy's character this piece deals with mostly the Rest of it. so another time..]#anyways! in the original sketch- the saints had heads bent towards quincy so the halo spikes pointed at him. but this worked better! halos#of the saints implying/creating one for quincy was a concept from the start though. in the show they don't touch him directly here but#differences in mediums i think- i don't have time in an image to craft a narrative so everything has to be happening. also artistic liberty#misc inspiration for this includes stained glass windows. i might have maybe misinterpreted the saint costume but i think i logic-ed it out#as the cloth part following a nun's habit w the hood. and then halo above. the material is also more transparent originally but i had. um.#too much fun painting fabric folds.. if you look closely you can see the basis of faces though behind the cloth; but only the vague shapes#because smth obscurity + inhumanness// cassian is the only one i gave a mouth though. that stems from melliot's post about the saints and#st cassian as spokesperson (<- did research teehee!) that's also how i found out which costume = which saint. speaking of which.#left to right: 'st lucy take my hand' // 'st lawrence give me strength' (presses quincy forward; but hand on shoulder connotates guidance)#/'st cassian help me smile' (quincy's mouth is btwn a grimace and a smile; tilts up at side. also no direct touch bc added insidiousness.)#//'st jude [...] i hope your causes burn' (jude's hand is in two places to show movement- nearing the flame and then snatching back; burnt)#other notes: at the midst of the flame the core is shaped like a human heart /the saints and their wax are all melting like the candle for#fun visual effect and also this way they are even less tangible <real>. perks of painting as a medium i guess. // also insp from icarus?#wax and burning imagery; looking at the halo and rays as parallel to sun that burns. too close to the sun; melting; hurting; hurtling //#candles at bottom are a nod to the frankly gorgeous set// also the entire composition kind of stems from the lyric <what use is a candle if#both ends aren't burning>; the two sides between the concepts of catholic guilt and academic perfection that spur quincy#the halo above (saints and guilt; litanyofthemartyrs) and the 'halo' below (academic papers; insp from choreo for perfect at school)#the papers were originally supposed to be more glowy. but i like the idea of it now being a reflection of how quincy's priorities shift#also of note is that <candle> in centre = quincy; w burning candle + aforementioned heart in flame -> most human; idea of love + passion#last thoughts: kneeling + hands close tgt = prayer //wax dripping onto the red As make an effect that looks like blood. because i like#hiding that within the adamandi pieces :OO continuity!! // i've run out of tags but yeah! had fun with this one! every so often i go a#little insane in making art and the final result astounds even me. ngl i'm quite proud of this one. pretty colours <3333
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How is your hand doing? Is it still bleeding, at all?
#This is a bit of an unusual one i think#I couldnt get it off my mind.#Short one also. like a certain someone... /j#Its sweet. that they sent an ask to check on it. I wouldve never thought of that.#Plus it definitely shows him that you care more than barely surface level. Which fits into the whole “drill it into him” thing-#i want.#every time he asks something along those lines. and you answer to tell him you care. he gets it a little more.#If you go back in YGM! his behavior towards you is different and out of everything thats changed#that goal has stayed the same throughout everything#His shift in behavior as you talk to him and build a relationship#you have no idea how crazy i am about this if the tags paragraph wasnt a very small peek into it#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#i think drawing hands has finally clicked for me while i was working out the first hand pose on paper#obviously the paper sketch looks a little better cause of ygms style but YYIIPPEESS i think i am Starting To Get It !#Woawie youre all done for when i get hands down better
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I get told often at my job that I'm very calming and reassuring and I feel like a white collar therapy horse
#Creepy chatter#After work I am. Incoherent.#I am only calming if I have responsibility towards you lol...if not....better get Sillayyyyy#I gave a lady a pre-interview assessment this week and she thanked me at the end for helping her calm down#Felt like she patted my strong horse neck and fed me an apple :)
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It is extremely hard to let go, but once you do it feels freeing. I've held on to some very intimate lovely things since March. I boxed it all away and gave it to a friend for safe keeping, not being able to fully get rid of these memories. Today I was finally okay with asking for this box back, I was finally ready to let that part of myself go, to let her go, to let you go, Justina.
Now and Later doesn't look how I had imagined and that is okay. The love I hold for you will always be there because I will always love what we had when we had it, but I have finally learned how to also love myself as much as I did you. I am truly happy for you both for what you've been able to overcome. I'm truly happy to know that we are all where we are supposed to be.
I'm so proud of myself for all I've been able to overcome this year. I'm so proud of myself for not letting the hard times stop me, but motivate me. I am so proud of myself for continuing to work on bettering myself. This last month has been the first time I finally feel as though I am taking control and living and it has felt so fucking good.
#mine#working on a better me#working towards a better me#this is me talking to the void in a therapeutic way for myself and if you see this please understand that
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Today's random headcanon is Gale becoming undeniably turned on by Tav's perfume, cologne, or beard oil.
Just imagine the distraction Tav could cause him. The rich, intoxicating scent drives him to distraction when his lover leans in for a kiss. His thoughts scatter as the scent overwhelms his senses, and he has to summon all his willpower not to ravage them on the spot.
Gale taking the time to breathe Tav in as he slowly kisses their face and strokes their hair. His eyes roll into the back of his head as that sweet, delicious scent sends all his blood rushing south.
If Tav has a beard, he buries his face into the soft hairs. Letting them tickle his cheeks as he rubs his face against theirs until his legs feel like jelly.
His favourite scent is all it takes to turn him into mush.
#gale dekarios#I can't write to save my life#Thinking about it this would work better with Tav towards Gale#This post is sponsored by my boyfriend's Geranium and Orange Blossom beard oil#It made me think of Gale and his scent kink#Is it okay for me to write a Gale MLM headcannon as a woman?#I do think he would appreciate a good beard oil#Perhaps Tav would have to show him how to use it since he has never had a beard before#That's a sweet short story idea#Along with a long haired Tav teaching him how to maintain his newly long hair
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why do people think Yevgeny wasn't Mickey's son? in 3x06 there was clearly no condom used (not that Terry probably would have let Svetlana stop to get one), but there's no reason to think she wasn't using condoms with her regular clients. it's not Svetlana's fault that she was a tool used to rape Mickey—the sole blame for everything that happens in that entire situation belongs to Terry Milkovich and him alone—so why does it feel like it's just another way for people to shit on Svetlana for something that wasn't in her control? it's not as though she'd asked to get pregnant in the first place...
#stop giving svetlana shit just because terry was one of her clients—between him and sasha do you really think she had a chance to say no?#her attitude towards mickey is s4 is very easy to understand when you think about the fact that a) she's his age or maybe a year older#b) she is a person who knows she has to take what life gives her and make the best of bad situations#c) her entire future rests (so she thinks) on her and mickey making their marriage work and he was absorbed in ian (which the audience gets#but svet has no context for) and thus her feeling threatened is very understandable because mickey also won't stand up to his father#so yeah of course svet is gonna see terry as the one person who will put things the way they're supposed to be#but! it's after mickey comes out and he and ian fight everyone in the bar that she realizes mickey could be an ally to her#and she extends a hand in friendship because they're both stuck in this situation and yeah of course she wants him to stop being stupid#about yev��as she puts it “baby did not choose this either” which leads me to think she understands mickey's situation a little better now#but yev looks so much like mickey and has those big blue eyes of his (also evidence for baby mickey being blond)#I get that the whole child from rape thing isn't fun for mickey to have to deal with but women have to go through it all the time—like Svet#okay rant over I'm sorry I'm just...it puts a bad taste in my mouth whenever I see it in fic or meta that yev can't *possibly* be mickey's#mickey milkovich#svetlana yevgenivna#yevgeny milkovich#shameless
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A Few Days After, Part 1
(some small SLARPG spoilers contained within)
(Part 2)
#SLARPG#Super Lesbian Animal RPG#Melody Amaranth#Allison Goleta#Claire Higsby#HERE WE GO PART 1 OF 3#I have only been doing this and going to work for the past couple weeks so I hope you ENJOY#I think you can see me get better at drawing these characters as I go haha#they got faster towards the end so hopefully it won't be weeks until part 2#fun fact the font I used for this is Si Kancil which is also the font I used for The Difference Between Us#art#shipping#furry#note that the title refers to being a few days after the events of the game not my previous comic#this one takes place before that one
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I saw @qourmet's young madam lan art, and knew what I had to do.
#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan furen#horse#we need to name her horse IMMEDIATELY#Qingheng-Jun#She is stunning and beautiful and the design has me in a death grip#AND she's a horse girl? It was not even and option to not draw her.#Lan wangji has to get his biting and tearing and killing genes from somewhere.#Its maternal. He inherited the hunting instinct from his mother and an attraction to people who do crimes from his father#btw if yall haven't seen them; All of qourmet's prev generation designs are *so* good. I have genuinely gotten brainrot over CSSR and WCZ.#On every god that exists I WILL find a way to have them show up in the pd-mdzs comic canon. I've already scripted the comics. Its happening#Also it's been too long since I drew an equine. Why are there not *more* equines in MDZS. This is why I had to make the equineswap au.#I''m still not sure how a horse works. but I'm getting there.#Slowly I am creeping towards the necessary skill set I need to draw Qiyan Agula.#JQWS audio drama....I am gazing at you so fondly. I will return to you with power and strength (better comic skills to draw you)#we are a long way away but...that's the dream project.
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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