#but i still can clearly write a whole post about the spectrum of love

[wanderingmind867]

I'm at the scenes with Cupid in the Heroes of Olympus series. As someone who's never felt romantic love in real life before (possibly felt it second-hand or something though, i can't be sure), you'd think i'd be desensitized to it. But no. Although i may not understand it, i know that the scenes i'm going to read today are deeply uncomfortable. Nico is violently forced into confessing, all because Cupid wants to prove a point. That point being that love can be cruel and painful. He makes his point, but it still sucks to read. But..at least nobody dies? And Jason is supportive of Nico? So it's not like he's alone? I guess that's the small consolation to all this.

But you know, Cupid makes his point in the cruelest way possible. But the message that love is a spectrum of good and bad and everything in-between... that's not a bad message. It's something even I can tell you. I may not know the difference between platonic and romantic love, but I know love is varied. Love is the emotion for profound happiness and deep sadness. Love can be scary. It can be aggravating. It can hurt; it can heal. Love is in everything and Love can be found anywhere. It's one of those core things, you know? Without love, you might not have all the other emotions. No wonder the greeks viewed Aphrodite as a primordial goddess. Love really is one of those primordial concepts...

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

We Are and the evolution of Thai BL tropes

The QL discord started a rewatch of My Engineer a few weeks ago, and damn, has it been an interesting experience. At the time I originally watched My Engineer, there was little that stuck out to me, because so much of what happened felt so incredibly common in a lot of the (admittedly rather limited) number of BLs being produced. It felt like pretty standard fare.

But going back and watching it in juxtaposition with We Are airing has been so fascinating. This genre has been evolving, y'all.

As much as we all joke about always getting more university BLs, there is something to be said for a format that can be used as something of a metric for the genre. And though there's only four years between My Engineer and We Are, seeing them both at once gives me such an incredible appreciation for the direction the genre is going in, the impact of having more queer voices involved in the creation of QLs, and how there's a lot of good we can find in seemingly simple spaces.

Obligatory disclaimer: This is just my perspective and subjective interpretation of what I have seen as a BL viewer of some time; also I don't have time to go in and do a university deep dive, so this isn't a real analysis, but more of a brief writeup of observations.

Trends are not black and white, of course, there is a spectrum. I'm sure we'll suffer through more Dinosaur Loves. At the same time, having such predominant production companies as GMMTV putting effort into hiring queer creatives and subverting old cliche tropes is an encouraging thing. (Especially as they were the creators of the original university trendsetting BL with Sotus).

Note: For newer QL viewers, I highly recommend @absolutebl for brushing up on trope history. For university BLs in particular, this post and this post are great starting primers.

Let's talk tropes!

Ok, one more note - some tropes are being what I would consider subverted, some more adapted to a newer framework, and some just played with - I'm going to talk about how they appear to me, but I'm not going to be super pedantic over it, because this is just for fun.

Trope: Bullying/hazing behavior

This did not age well in My Engineer, and I would guess hasn't aged well in a number of BLs (and other media, because the whole "he's mean to you because he likes you" bullshit has been around forever). Not just because the behavior was shitty, but because it was played off in the script as cute, and implied that it was completely justified for the seme to do whatever he wanted in his pursuit of his uke.

(There was also quite a strong tone of internalized homophobia, with the lead feeling more comfortable in expressing his interest through harassment than honest emotion, but the show never actually engaged with that in any meaningful way.)

We Are sets up a very traditional enemies to lovers/bullying start to the story, with Phum taking advantage of Peem's economic situation to make him his "slave".

And yet... there's some important elements here that make this more than the standard use of the trope.

Phum keeps it pretty light in his bullying behavior, and clearly is using it more to keep Peem around as company, versus the kind of bullying in My Engineer, where Duen is literally hit by a car, and yet still expected to keep jumping to Bohn's whims.

As soon as Phum realizes he really upset Peem by leaving him waiting at the mall, he genuinely feels awful about it. It's clear that his intent is not to cause harm, and that he has a conscience. He wrestles with his feelings on it quite a bit, and it ends up being the thing that gets Phum to finally express an honest emotion with Peem.

And most importantly, the script does not let him off the hook. His behavior is bad, and is identified as such by the writing. Peem pushes back and is shown to be right to do so, Beer openly says he disapproves.

So instead of a cliche story beat that's used just to start the action, or a seme who's allowed to do whatever he wants because "passion" (blech), we're seeing it used for characterization, giving us important beats about who both Phum and Peem are in how they engage with each other through the use of the trope.

Trope: Obsessive/jealous behavior

Oh, this one was painful in My Engineer. Duen couldn't even talk to another human being without Bohn getting jealous and angry and dragging him away.

Phum gets jealous, particularly around Kluen, but what makes it feel so subversive here are two key things.

Phum's jealousy has a purpose here, it's not just for drama's sake. It's not the cliche seme doing whatever he wants and being treated as justified. It's deliberately being used to explore his insecurities, and give him a challenge to overcome. Phum doesn't stomp over and drag Peem away, he retreats, he hides. When his jealousy causes him to lash out at Peem, he is immediately aware he fucked up.

And again, the script is making it clear that this behavior is not ok. Peem chides Phum when he acts unkind to Kluen, and Beer makes it clear that the solution is not petty behavior, but actually figuring out a way to communicate his feelings with Peem before he misses his chance. This is portrayed as a barrier for Phum to overcome in order to be with Peem, not an expected part of a romantic relationship.

Trope: Friendship group

There are not enough words to express how much I love the friendship group in We Are. To be fair, this is one of the better historical tropes. We've gotten a lot of amazing friend groups, even in mediocre BLs.

But it's still different in We Are, for one simple reason. In most university BLs, the friend group is a supporting structure. But here?

The story lines may be about the romance, but the point of We Are is the friendship.

I will die on this hill, y'all.

I don't have enough time to go into it fully here, but this show is a love letter to friends. It's a tribute to finding the people who see the real you and have your back unconditionally. Who cheer your successes and commiserate over your defeats, who pick you up when the world knocks you down, who call you out when you make mistakes, and push you to be better.

And romance is lovely, but all of these budding relationships are about being friends first, and then lovers, because that friendship is just as important as everything else, if not more.

Trope: Pink milk

Lol, ok, kinda kidding, kinda not. I know we all got mad over the drink wastage, but also check out these visuals - it's about diversity baby!!

TanFang speed round

My two little trope-busting bebes. These two are already so beautifully non-traditional in their composition, but I love how frequently they are used to make fun of and play with tropes just on their own.

Introduced as pining crush/friend's older brother pair, but actually secret enemies to lovers.

Grumpy/sunshine pairing, where the sunshine used to be a fighter, and grumpy smiles when he thinks no one is watching.

Wound-tending where they keep poking each other instead of acting soft.

Openly mocking the jealous boyfriend trope.

Setting up the possessive trope when Tan doesn't pick up Fang's calls, only to immediately have Fang question if he's being unreasonable.

Setting up their own cute eating scene for kicks.

"First time" sex scene making it clear this is anything but their first time.

Tan holding Fang down in the cliche possessive pose, only for Fang to take the agency of kissing Tan. (And overall saying eff off at the cliche top/bottom roles old BLs were such a fan of).

In Summary

I'm sure there are more tropes that will come to me, and we do still have 5 episodes left of We Are, so there are some potential trope uses that I am keeping an eye on. This is by no means an all-inclusive list.

But I wanted to write this, because I was genuinely shocked to realize how different my My Engineer watching experience was this time compared to my first time. How over the last few years I'd come to expect more thoughtfulness in my QL media, even in the ones that seem shallow on the surface.

Considering how fast and furious the QLs are coming these days, it's easy to forget how recent it was that we were much more starved of content. And I think sometimes we forget to take in the big picture, of how far we've come in just a few years.

Critique is always going to be important, of course, it's part of what helps us make progress. At the same time, it doesn't hurt to take a moment to look around and see some good in where we are.

@sailorbryant thanks for the push to get this written! Feel free to add thoughts!

[the-virgoperspective]

Part 2

Hello all! I just wanted to share what I have been learning while reading up on composite charts. The composite chart is a very interesting and helpful tool to show one what a relationship looks like with themselves and another person. The composite chart is casted by using the midpoint of each planet from each individual natal chart and creating a completely new chart for the individuals as one. This method can apply for just two people or multiple people. For a better understanding of midpoints in astrology, please click here.

In this post, I will be using the writings of Robert Hand, from his novel “Planets in Composite: Analyzing Human Relations” to explain the meaning and significance of each house in the composite chart. Please always keep in mind that this is only one vital step to reading an entire composite chart and should not be seriously considered without viewing everything as a whole. This is just one piece. Enjoy!

The Composite 7H

The composite seventh house, like the first, is a sign of a relationship in which the two people are truly trying to function as a unit. The seventh is the house of intimate one-to-one encounters. If a chart is on the whole favorable, a strong seventh house is a good indication that any kind of partnership, including marriage, can survive. A strong and well-aspected seventh house is not absolutely necessary for a marriage or business partnership, but it helps.

A clearly seventh-house relationship that is not well-aspected will still be an intimate encounter, but the people may be enemies or at least competitors. This is because the seventh is also the house of one’s open enemies.

Obviously a strong seventh house cannot guarantee a marriage between two people who love each other, but because they will think of themselves as a unit, it is quite likely that they will get married or at least live together.

A strong seventh-house chart is also favorable to any one-to-one relationship in which one person consults the other, such as a patient and doctor, patient and psychotherapist, client and astrologer, client and lawyer, or client and any other type of professional.

The Composite 8H

In traditional astrology, one meaning of the eighth house has been joint finances and property, or the “partner’s” finances and property. In a composite chart it is difficult to distinguish between the meanings of the second and eighth, because one cannot clearly distinguish between the two partners. One difference is that the eighth house can refer to finances and property of people outside the relationship. Otherwise it is difficult to separate the two houses, insofar as they both refer to value and things that are valued. Therefore the reader is urged to review the second house for further information.

Traditionally it is the house of death, but this meaning is not limited to actual physical death. It really means the passing away of an old order and the building up of a new one. Therefore we refer to the eighth house as the house of major transformations.

A strong eighth house may signify some great involvement with property, but it is more likely to mean a relationship of great significance that will bring about major changes in the lives of the two people, especially at the psychological level.

Whenever you encounter a strong eighth-house chart, be sure to keep in mind the double nature of this house. It’s effects can be manifested at either level or both at once.

The Composite 9H

The composite ninth house signifies the overall view of the world taken by the persons involved in a relationship. The phrase “consciousness-expanding” is often used in the delineations, because a ninth-house relationship usually broadens the views of the two people. They are exposed to new ideas and forced to think in terms of a broader spectrum of possibilities than before.

Since the ninth is the house of ideas and consciousness, a strong ninth house enables people to communicate at a very high level. They can really understand each other and share their views with one another. Of course, difficult aspects to this house, especially involving Saturn, can turn this around so that failure of communication becomes a major factor that weakens the relationship. Similarly, some planetary combinations, particularly Mars and Pluto, can create intense competition on the intellectual level and great resistance to each other’s views. The one certainty is that a strong ninth house will make it very important that the two people have a strong intellectual relationship. If they do not, that fact will be the major source of difficulty between them.

The Composite 10H

The tenth house in the composite chart has much the same significance that it has in the conventional natal chart. However, “career” seems to have little relevance for a relationship, unless it is a business or professional relationship. But even in an individual horoscope, the tenth house has a much deeper meaning. It tells about a person’s development as an individual, a unique human being, and how they establish that uniqueness in the world. Because of this, the tenth house refers to status and reputation. It also tells about the directions of a person’s evolution and the principal occurrences of that process. All these matters apply in a composite chart, especially the uniqueness and evolutionary purpose of a relationship, both for the persons involved and for the outside world.

A strong tenth-house relationship will be more than normally concerned with directions. The two people will often ask, “What purpose does this serve in my life?” And often the encounter with each other will help them find out exactly what they are doing in this world.

The issues of the tenth house are more than ideals and hopes, which are ruled by the eleventh. They are plans that will probably be realized, because they are the real intention of the relationship.

The Composite 11H

A strong eleventh house is very appropriate in a composite chart, for it is the house of friendship. It does not limit a relationship to friendship, but it helps two people to be friendly in whatever they are doing together. This is especially important in a sexual relationship; lovers who have a strong eleventh house will also be friends. A strong eleventh house is an excellent house for a marriage composite.

Because it is also the house of hopes and wishes, a good, well-aspected eleventh house gives a relationship a strong sense of shared ideals. Both persons are looking for the same things in life.

Difficult aspects, especially those of Saturn, may bring about conflicts of ideals in a relationship. Or friendship may be denied, limiting a relationship to a purely professional one or a purely sexual one, without friendship.

In any case, a couple with a strong eleventh house must be able to share with each other a great deal of their lives. Otherwise it is not likely to be a very successful relationship.

The Composite 12H

The composite twelfth house has many of the same meaning as it has in an ordinary birth chart.

Basically, the twelfth house represents repressed thoughts. It signifies once-conscious ideas that have been eliminated from the waking mind because the mind has chosen not to deal with them. The twelfth also clearly indicates the environmental factors that has caused the thoughts to be repressed. The traditional meanings concerning hospitals, prisons, and other places of confinement do not really apply here.

In a strongly twelfth-house relationship, the persons involved do many things to and with each other that do not make sense in terms of what is really happening between them. As a result, they wind up dealing with behavior patterns automatically when they should be making a thorough, conscious evaluation of them. Even when a couple makes a great effort to deal with problems consciously and openly, There is often more going on that is raw, intimate, and heavily psychological than most people can deal with in a personal relationship.

If people can handle what comes up in a twelfth-house relationship, fine, and some people even enjoy such a relationship. Marriage is not normally recommended for a couple with very strong twelfth house. But there are those who benefit greatly from intense, day-to-day psychological encounters.

part 1

 ombré divider by @cafekitsune   image + support banner by @roseschoices 

[vasito-de-leche]

;NSR DJSS - General Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons and analysis about DJ Subatomic Supernova and other related things.

I got an ask asking for DJSS' love languages (don't worry! working on it!) but then it hit me that I don't think enough about DJSS to talk about love languages right away, so I'm getting this out of my system to try and fleshen out the way I write him!

this might be, a BIT TOO LONG BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY RIGHT FROM THE START BC EVE WAS INVOLVED AND I LOVE HER

The most healthy and solid friendship DJSS has is with Eve.

Eve's post is still fresh on my mind, so it got me thinking about how DJSS and Eve are very similar - like, two sides of the same coin, or two opposites in the same spectrum. But before I get carried away, let's talk about DJSS.

Out of all megastars within NSR, DJSS is very clearly the one with the least amount of connections to other characters, at least in the way he's presented in-game. Like, all of them are connected to NSR and Tatiana because they work for her, that's obvious - but the Sayu Gang have each other, Yinu has her parents, Neon J has 1010, Eve and DK West both have Zuke and Tatiana/NSR respectively. Tatiana has Kliff, the Goolings and Mayday.

DJSS is just. There?

Maybe it's because he's the tutorial boss, but very similarly to Eve, themes of loneliness and not being appreciated enough or understood are prominent in his background. The casettes literally show him spiraling from an underappreciated but very passionate teacher to a very influential but egocentric megastar.

There's just something about how DJSS and Eve share loneliness as a theme. And how both of them also fully embody their work, becoming a personification of their craft and passions so that their self-worth and identity is DIRECTLY tied to how said passions are received and perceived. To others, music and art are simply an extension of themselves, an important part of their lives, not the whole of it. But DJSS and Eve? You can't separate them from their work. Again, the Sayu Gang are a bunch of teens bonding over a shared interest. Yinu is a megastar BECAUSE of her family, not by CHOICE, she plays the piano FOR her deceased father. Neon J is, first and foremost, a war veteran and protector of Vinyl City before he is a musician, even if dancing and music are his passions.

There is also something to be said about how their respective journeys are opposites of each other yet end the same way. They've gotten what they've wanted, but they're stagnant and unfulfilled.

We see DJSS starting as a starry-eyed teacher, thanking the THREE students AND A JANITOR who came to his lessons because he's grateful for anyone who will listen to him. He's using his passion and work to teach others and expand their minds and whatever other cool one-liners he says in his videos and cutscenes. This directly mirrors Eve, who starts as a self-loathing, deeply insecure artist who uses art as a way to cope and vent. (If you read my Eve post, throwback to the duality theme - outside and inside. DJSS is channeling his work to the world, to the outside. He's looking for people who understand him. Nadia is channeling her work to herself, to the inside. She's looking to understand herself.)

The middle part of their whole journey shows a moment of introspection and healing for both of them.

DJSS reconnects with his love for music and the reason he even became a teacher in the first place - not out of love for teaching (which is another point I wanna talk about later in this post) but for a genuine love and intrigue for the universe. After years of trying to get anyone to listen, he finally remembers how it feels to look up at the sky. He finds a way to merge both music and space as a means to further his goal.

Eve heals because she believes she's found someone who can complete her, someone who isn't herself but who can understand and see her just as good. She doesn't hide her pink side, she doesn't hide her face with her hair, she is shown to be very, very lively, excited and intense. This is the moment she realizes she can be understood and loved, all the things she saw as impossible before meeting Zuke. Her art reflects this, she can now focus on something other than hating herself.

(It's very important to me that we remember her heart piece with Zuke is made out of recycled bottles. Both DJSS and Eve were shown to have this thing for helping others - DJSS through teaching and Eve through art.)

And then, their last collectible shows them at their worst.

DJSS has finally managed to be influential enough to have thousands of people actually pay attention to what he's saying. And he explicitly says that, even though he's gotten this far, he feels empty. And he feels empty because all of his work will disappear, because he will be forgotten in a few generations. And we see how music has replaced his love for the universe, it's a subtle shift in which DJSS goes from wanting to learn and teach others about something he's deeply passionate about from wanting his music and hard work to live on forever through space.

There's a metaphor somewhere in there about DJSS' legacy being not his work as a teacher, astrophycisist or even a pillar of the EDM movement - but a few of his songs. Attached to an NSR satellite. Going through the empty void of space.

And then there's Nadia, all alone again. Because she's gotten so comfortable with the idea of being understood, that she expected Zuke to see everything the same way she did, and therefore setting his hair on fire wouldn't be that big of an issue. And this is her worst fear, but it doesn't hurt as much as she thought it would - because she's expected this to happen at some point, even when she was at her happiest with Zuke.

I want to draw a line between this moment and the way their loneliness permeates in their words and actions - DJSS who has tried for years to reach out to like-minded people, finally has an audience that respects him, he still feels unfulfilled and empty. And he further distances himself from everything by setting his sights and his legacy on THE COLD VACUUM OF SPACE. Eve, who has always believed she would end up alone, IS NOW ALONE AND ABANDONED (from her perspective anyways, since it would be unfair to say Zuke was a horrible monster for leaving a relationship this complex) and yet she doubles down on finding someone like her.

DJSS states that no one is able to think like him, no one within NSR shares his ambition nor vision - he's resigned. Eve states that she will bring everyone to her level one way or another - she's desperate. Two sides of the same coin. Two extreme opposites in the same spectrum.

It all boils down to believing that somewhere out there, whether in Vinyl City or the universe, there's someone who can really appreciate them.

The two conceal a sense of inferiority, the difference being that Eve's comes from a place of pure, genuine hatred for herself (if her work can't be understood, she can't be understood. if her work can't be appreciated, she can't be appreciated) and DJSS' comes from a place of blind confidence in his own potential and ideas (if his work cannot be understood, it's because no one has the ability to understand it. if his work cannot be appreciated, it's because no one is sensible enough to appreciate it).

There is also something about how, at their worst and/or when they feel threatened, they seem to switch?

This is most notable in Eve's boss fight, in which she acts condescending and dismissive to both Mayday and Zuke - saying all the things she knows will hurt just for the sake of hurting Zuke. She establishes her superiority over those who can't understand her, similar to how DJSS treats B2J initially. And in DJSS' case, hints of this reversal can be heard in his casettes, already explained above. He somewhat resembles Eve during her final section, a resigned and numb acceptance to being alone.

I think these two would be friends because they would be able to recognize their similarities - not openly address them, mind you, that's too much for either of them to handle - but enough to just chill with each other. There is an underlying feeling of understanding between them, even if all they do is hang out to do superficial things, gossip or rant about work.

And I like to think they're both fine with this arrangement, because sometimes people need relationships that aren't mentally or emotionally exhausting or intense! Sometimes you just need a buddy who shares a similar trauma that neither of you will address and who wants to go bitch about Stacy from HR! It's an unlikely friendship that surprises everyone, but once they stop to think about it, it just makes sense for them to click - at least with the façades they present to the world.

No matter how hard he tries to rebrand, DJSS knows that he'll always be a teacher at heart. Not necessarily a good one, but a teacher anyway.

TOOK ME FUCKING YEARS TO GET TO THIS POINT BUT ANYWAY.

I really like that one post I saw through the NSR tag about how DJSS makes sense as the tutorial boss because he used to be a teacher, we can assume that there was a time in his life where he loved to teach and shape the minds of the future generations. It's a little meta connection that makes sense to me!

And I like to think that this is something that DJSS can't ever get rid of - the need to just teach. It can come across as DJSS not being able to shut his mouth when it comes to telling people why they're wrong and why he's right, but at the end of the day, he's still trying to clarify misconceptions and teach others new things. It just happens through layers and layers of his condescending attitude.

Of course, this also doesn't apply to just teaching, it applies to learning as well.

DJSS strikes me as someone curious and very driven, instead of asking others why, he sets out to find out answers himself - either because it's easier and faster, because he has something to prove, because of he's so full of autism and hyperfixates easily or whatever other reasoning you like the most.

I like the idea of a DJSS who knows his worth and knows he shouldn't bother trying to argue with people who clearly don't care about facts, logic and research, let alone putting the effort to learn or have an open mind - those simpletons who aren't worth his time - but still struggles with keeping his mouth shut.

During his boss fight, he immediately dismisses B2J because they're small fry, they're not even here for him, they're here for inconsequential reasons that he doesn't have time for. Why should he even entertain them? AND THEN HE DOES. HE GETS RILED UP AND JUST GOES ON TO TALK ABOUT HIS ENDEAVORS AND GOALS ANYWAY.

He REALLY reads as a guy who makes the funniest of jokes and can't help but explain them anyway - and he gets away with it most of the time.

Very organized, detail-oriented person, loves routine and to plan things beforehand. DJSS cannot stand spontaneous decisions and has a hard time adapting to sudden changes.

Sometimes it might be easy to forget that DJSS is most likely the smartest member of NSR as a whole, specifically because of the way he acts and presents himself typically - even if he makes a point of constantly reminding others of his intellect and academic achievements. But! Nothing escapes DJSS' keen vision.

Out of other members of NSR, Tatiana trusts DJSS the most to keep up with his responsibilities as charter and many other projects benefitial for the company, like the rocket launch! He's proven time and time again that he's more than competent to be left to his own devices. Even if he doesn't care much for the other megastars, he still shows up on time for meetings and speaks his mind on things that need addressing (that he considers worth addressing, at least), never pulling his punches when offering his opinion.

Literally that kind of annoying coworker that loves to nitpick and someone you don't get along with but who makes the best points and arguments ever.

I like to think this is reflected in his position in Vinyl City - he's the furthest away from the NSR Tower, because he requires little to no supersion at all. He's also closest to the heart of Vinyl City: Festival Plaza and the Grand Qwasa, maybe because he can absolutely take care of any problems that might arise with it.

Even if he's extremely dismissive, DJSS does remember the people he works with - mostly based on their skills and how useful they are, just so he can know who to send away and who to keep around. He doesn't remember your name, but he remembers that you're competent enough to do a quick check on his turntables or other equipment. That sort of thing.

DJSS likes when things go his way, the way he expects things to be, the way he planned them out to be. He thinks of every possible outcome and prepares for it, without going overboard as to hinder his progress. So he can live with someone on his team messing up the rocket launch procedure - because that was already something he expected that would happen, even if he throws a little fit about it. But he can't deal with suddenly being told that someone else will handle the rocket launch entirely - because that's just not a possibility in his mind.

I can see DJSS being a fan of to-do lists or spreadsheets to stay on top of his game. He doesn't need them, he remembers everything he needs to, but hey, it's a fun flex!

I also just remembered one of the interactable things in Cast Tech - a drone that Zuke comments on, saying:

 "It must have crashed from all the conflicting signals. DJ Subatomic Supernova really likes the idea of blasting his signal into space..."

Which makes me think that yes, DJSS is great at solving things, he's careful and meticulous, doing anything to ensure his success in whatever he sets out to do - but his tunnel vision makes him careless enough to overlook some of the most obvious things in the world. Like how blasting his own signal might disrupt every other drone in the city or mess with other machines.

And this whole point is totally not me subtly trying to write DJSS in a way that compliments the way I perceive Neon J because I think the ship is fun and their dynamic is even funnier, absoluTELY NOT LETS MOVE ON

Cast Tech is the most academic district in Vinyl City. Basically paradise for nerds.

The same way Eve supports the arts in Dream Fever by having a lot of galleries and art studios, it makes sense that DJSS would support academic endeavors by having schools and other academic institutions, funding people's research and etc. It's another little thing that ties in with his background as a teacher.

In-game, Cast Tech is basically a short main road with two or three paths that lead to small areas. It's very lackluster compared to the rest of districts and I blame that on the way the game is structured, showing the boss first and then the district - plus the fact that DJSS is the tutorial boss so by proxy, he gets less content. But it's serviceable enough for the main plot in the game, which is to show us that NSR can be superficial, shallow and careless company.

And I'd like to argue that, maybe, the area Mayday and Zuke go through within Cast Tech, is not meant to be representative of the entire district. It feels more like an area meant for tourists or general NSR propaganda that ended up flopping massively because people weren't that interested?

DJSS is a megastar, sure, but he's not shown being that much of a public figure outside of advertisement. Compare him to any other member - Sayu and 1010's popularity rely on their fanbase, because they're public figures. Eve is an artist, we also see her dabble in all types of art, not just music, even fashion! Yinu is a literal child, but she's still in advertisements for healthy food and drinks.

Did you notice how Cast Tech and Club Planetarium are the only places that lack NPCs? Unique NPCs to be more exact, like Celine in Dream Fever, Mia in Festival Plaza, Yiruk in Metro Division, etc. People who most likely live there?

Once again, DJSS is an outlier. It makes sense to me that, even though this area has a statue of him and a store selling products based on him, literally just revolving around him, playing his advertisements and etc it's not... That important overall within his district. Even the Planetarium where he hosts concerts has a bunch of small stores outside, nothing grand. Even though it's HIS district, he's NOT the focus, ironically.

I would love to get into details about how the actual district works and what goes around, but I dropped out of my bachelor's degree and I don't know enough about science to get super in-depth about it! So anyone who DOES know or wants to develop this more, feel free!

[antimony-medusa]

heyy im thinking of joining ao3 with my works, but they’re not fanfics, they’re original writings. do you think it would still get accepted/viewed by folks? bc from what i see on tumblr it sounds like ao3 is mostly engaged with fanfic, i could be wrong but thats what it sounds like lol

Ohhh, original works on Ao3 my beloved.

Okay so there are two general baskets of Original Works, and one is "everything original people are putting on Ao3", and one is the one that people do in exchanges, where people sign up to write relationships like "Teen Who Is Turning Into A Werewolf & Her Sister" or "Retired General/His Arranged Marriage Spouse Who Was Formerly The Enemy General".

In my experience people broadly speaking do not really find the stuff in the first basket on Ao3. I'm in the tag right now and a lot of these works have very low hits. The stuff in the Second basket, which is things tagged interestingly enough that they catch people's eye, with a fun high concept— maybe? Some of these works clearly have a following!

Okay so there are 286,322 works in the Original Works tag, with something like over a hundred works posted a day, and there are not hundreds of people hovering in the tag looking for whatever gets posted, because honestly, like half of it is people posting vent fic. The spectrum of quality varies WILDLY, like it does in any big tag, and there is a lot of stuff that is people just starting out. Also a lot of it is people writing niche porn. Original Work is a very horny tag. So you have to find a way to rise into people's vision.

And this HAS been done— I'm subscribed to two people on Ao3 specifically because I loved their original works, I have an original work that's sitting at 200 kudos, there's an 86k novel I read in chapter updates last year that updated on fridays where I was like "ohhh it's friday it's jewel day" for ages and it's sitting at almost 2k kudos. I have read a published novel that started as an OW on Ao3, though I can't find the title now. But again, this is the stuff that rises to the top of the 286k fics in the tag, this is not everything. So how do you rise to the top and get seen?

My first advice is luring people over from another source. So if you already have a following from other fic, some people might follow you to original works? And then if it's GOOD, they'll stick around. This is the equivalent of "this romance author I liked is trying thrillers— I might try it?" So not everybody is gonna follow you, but some might. And if you already have people following your blog where you talk about your writing on Tumblr, you can say "check it out on Ao3", and people will head on over!

And then my second advice is that if you tag and do the summary interestingly, people might click when they see you. But you have like 2 seconds to catch people's attention, so how do you maximize that?

A) if do your relationship in an interesting way that tells people something, that helps. "Original Male Character/Original Male Character" just tells me it's M/M. "Supervillain Working As A Barista/Flirty Superhero With A Caffeine Addiction" tells me a LOT more. If you can cram your whole story concept into 100 words there, you can do a lot to hook people.

B) same as you do for any fic on Ao3— your summary and tags written in an interesting way. This is the equivalent of having interesting cover copy in a bookstore— why would people want to pick up your story? Certainly not if you say "this is kinda bad but please read it", they'll put it right back. But if you say "Alice is a woman on the run from the mafia with a dark secret— she's slowly turning into a vampire. Can she find a community, learn how to feed herself without endangering her soul, and maybe even find a girlfriend or two before her past catches up with her?" Well then people know what your story is about and are much more interested.

C) you don't want to become that person with a wall of tags nobody reads, but if you do tag the right tags so that you show up in OTHER tags people might be searching: if I find your fic when I'm looking for "asexual character" or "alternate universe - high school" or "meet-cute" or "fluff and angst" or "open/bittersweet ending", or alternately, a lot of really specific porn tags, and you've made your summary and relationship and tags interesting, I might click through.

And then my third advice is to do exchanges. A LOT of exchanges do include an Original Works component, and if you can write short stories, you can lure people into reading your work because you're writing "Lonely God & Baby Abandoned On Their Altar" or Lighthouse Keeper/Siren Trying To Wreck Ships" or something, because people DO click around exchanges reading the original works because they're fun and there aren't 286 of them, there are 12 of them in an exchange. If you like writing for a challenge, you can get people to read your work if you write it for an event.

So I'm not an expert in either original works or getting my work seen, I am not good at search engine optimization, but that is some stuff I have seen other people doing. Good luck!

[enemy-archive]

I love the depth and detail that you go into when analyzing your obsession. this made me want to also write a bit more on the way this all happened for me, as I realized that I didn't really elaborate much about how this hyperfixation went in my case in the first post.

I read the GO book some time ago in my teens (±10 years ago?), when I read more fantasy, and some other stuff by Neil Gaiman as well. I liked GO and was of course, immediately invested in this love between Crowley and Aziraphale, I was really nice to read this kind of relationship, the closeness in spite of being enemies, and the ways they are with each other in the book overall. didn't go really deep into it though and moved on soon. I did enjoy the book greatly, and was a bit bummed about the cover which in my case looks like this…

Around this time, or a bit earlier, I was a huge sherlock fan, shipped johnlock hard, and was properly obsessed with sherlock holmes in general (from reading conan doyle as a child, to watching every tv and film adaptation and finally fixating on the bbc version). I liked and consumed a lot of cultural products, primarily British, and was into many ships (for example, merthur and destiel), but sherlock was a hyperfixation during my high school time. still I managed to somehow study and finish school and get into uni. over time, I got interested in other things; I needed to study and work, so I left tumblr (I remember cutting myself off of it, deleting my account and history, so there's nowhere to go back to, so it wouldn't interfere with my new life. I actually didn't go back then)

In 2020 during the quarantine, I watched season one of Good Omens — I was like, "alright, here we go: the book I liked + david tennant, + fucking michael sheen (I tell you, masters of sex did a weird thing to me), sounds like nostalgic fun". I watched it, and then went on with my life.

and then this september, I watched it absolutely accidentally. I don't even watch that much television anymore, but I was exhausted from work, had a free evening and my girlfriend was away so I wanted something comforting and escapist and there it was — season 2 of good omens. I was even a bit annoyed at the show at first (in retrospect, this might have been a self-defence reaction so that I don't get sucked in. I still want to respect this annoyance thought). I thought that all these scenes of crowley and aziraphale being so married were audacious queerbating, and then the kiss looked so stupid to me, and I thought that it was made to be ridiculous to maybe get away with queerbating, or as some kind of distasteful joke... I kept thinking how weird it was for this show, clearly made by a bunch of straight British middle-aged men, to have almost exclusively queer characters. This still bums me a bit, but I need to gather my thoughts to speak about this specifically. maybe queerbating is a spectrum.

I went on the comment section of the russian website where you can watch the shows fo free (don't at me, I can't watch it on amazon prime because my area is restricted due to my country launching a whole criminal fucking war on Ukraine). It just sort of popped in front of my eyes, this comment section, so I went there thinking, "maybe people also thought it was a bit ridiculous," and what I fucking saw. the whole 100+ comments hate towards the second season boiled down to the fact that they were "made gay" and to "too much agenda"("agenda" or "povestochka" is how homophobes call lgbt- and queer-related anything, and the connotation is that it's planted maliciously into russia by "the west" where everyone's gay). I just want to talk about it here because, guys, the homophobes. they don't even know. people literally write: it was a cool story of two BROS, just two DUDES hanging around being PALS, and THEN they spoiled it with the kiss. like to many people, this is a completely straight and "normal" tv show (except for annoying lesbians, I guess) that they like, until the last 15 minutes. to which I was like, excuse me?? didn't you see how these two clowns have literally loved each other since forever? even in the 1st season, the romantic bit is not confirmed, but who can deny that it's a love story? not comradery story…. so this got to me, and traumatized, I went looking for someone who feels the same way as I do. and I think that's how I got sucked in. I marveled at all the little gestures and half-expressions, analyzed all the plot and all the tiny hints, and re-read the book; I wanted to go deeper, to some point of total immersion into the thing that is between them. it wasn't annoying to me; I loved it.

I feel like this is getting too long.

@martinsharmony I really loved reading your post, because of course our experiences aren't the same, but there are similarities in them, that make me feel not so alone. I've spent two weeks really not being able to focus my mind on anything else (thank god it let go of me a bit, because I have really big changes in life to get to), feeling constantly drawn to this story and relationship, to the details of it, to metas and fanart, to fanfiction. my work is also flexible atm, so I could sort of afford to do this. it was just like with sherlock when I was in high school — and this feeling of lack was there again. so what is it a lack of?

in the part of your text you address this friendship or relationship that needs to cross over and become bigger — while I personally really don't like to discuss real and famous people's private lives and relationships (i imagine myself being a public person and feel actual terror at the thought of being perceived so hard), It was super interesting to me to read your thoughts about this — I talked with my friend who has similar experiences with reading yaoi manga, and she suggested that what lays under all of this, what attracts us — this big experience of transcending, love that transcends boundaries, rules, orders. love between angel and demon who've known each other for millennia is such a type of love; love between two men who grew up within a hetero-patriarchal order could also be this kind of love because they would need to transcend the limits within their brain and cultural programming.

and queer love in contemporary russia is such love as well because you have to defy the law and hate and totalizing homophobia, but it also comes with a heavy dose of reality: you have to think about coming out to your parents, people around you, and whether your relationships will change or not, you have to constantly hide a huge part of yourself, you have to figure out clever ways to be together or be yourself under pressure and danger, and it's exhausting. but it's so good to fictionalize this experience of transcending love and live through it without having to deal with immediate danger and pain.

I feel like I have so much more to say and I'm shit at formulating quickly. I loved reading your entry and am thankful that you've started this dialogue, I will continue later, and maybe in the meantime you'll want to write something too..

dear GO fandom,

I'm back to tumblr after literally ten years away. One evening, almost by accident, I stumbled upon season 2 of Good Omens. I watched it, and it launched a hyperfixation of the kind I haven't had in years.

I've just been noticing people here and there on this website mentioning that they're also back to tumblr after many years, and I'm curious what's up, like, how big is this phenomenon, and could it be something to do particularly with Good Omens, or is it something else?

personally, I'm taking pleasure in experiencing something I did as a teen, this obsession, and this fandom as a huge community of wonderfully creative, brilliant, and observant people worldwide who are going through the same thing. (It's low-key ruining my life and ability to focus on work and my responsibilities, but I manage).

It's also hugely about escaping from the homophobic reality that surrounds me, so I get to go drown myself in the love story of two unearthly beings, which is fiction, and fiction has its rules, so eventually, everything will be okay...

I also have a feeling of a drop going deep somewhere near, like this dramatic and fundamental lack of something in life that I can feel more clearly when I drown myself in thinking about this relationship.

that all and also the trap constellation of

*book I've read as a teen**loving neil gaiman writing* *LOVING john finnemore**having been huge doctor who fan in the past and obv being fond of david tennant**being mysteriously pulled in by michael sheen in masters of sex**just being obsessed with British things as a baby**heaps of queer representation to feel safe* etc... so the whole thing just feels like home to me.

These are really unformed thoughts, and what I was really interested in is whether anyone else feels something like that in regard to GO or not, and what are your thoughts about your experiences? Maybe there's already been a discussion on that, and I just haven't found it yet. Anyway, I just find this all really really fascinating.

[lesbianspeedy]

can I hear about the mia and ollie similarities whenever you have time...

theyre blonde :( thats it :( okay but ACTUALLY LETS GET INTO IT

They're loud assholes to people who need to be yelled at, but theyre actually hella introverted.

Mia "i think fast i talk fast" Dearden will mouth off at villains and batman, and take the piss out of people she loves. BUT she wasn't exactly shown to have like a friend group at her school (she was shown to be popular. but we only see her specifically interact with one person), and was extremely nervous to join the titans, not because they intimidated her, but because she didnt really...want to be there. She'd rather be with people she knows. She spends most of her time practicing archery, even before she was speedy. The only time we ever saw her go out anywhere was on a date with Dodger. And I will be pretending for the sake of this post that all of this is bc of character stuff and not just bad writing!

Similarly, Ollie "goateed loudmouth" Queen thrives when he's alone, he prefers it, he rarely spends time with people outside of his family or close close friends. He'll rant and rave at leaguers and cops and capitalists and villains all day long, but he's at his happiest and most content when he's alone, and often when on the move too, this man cannot sit still he is like a fucking shark he will die if he is in the same place too long but thats unrelated to this post.

As is pretty much a requirement to be in the arrowfam. Neither of them are here to fight the big alien threats you take on while being in the league/titans. They're here to save the little guy and fuck up capitalists. They have both seen the worst of society on the very opposite ends of the spectrum, Ollie with the rich, Mia with those the rich forget or ignore. I don't think I really need to add an example of Ollie here considering thats like his main this if u know anything about him. But look heres mia thinking abt it in her first titans issue.

Now with coping mechanisms they're a lil different, Mia tends to isolate and stay in one place. Ollie will isolate but fuck off somewhere. Accidentally walk to canada. That sorta thing.

(pls ignore how terrifying bald ollie is)

They also both mask their emotions and deflect with humour when around other people, they don't want others to have to deal with their shit, they don't want to burden them (hence the isolation, this also often leads to them imploding in on themselves). Heres my most favourite example of their similarities ever (yes I will continue to post and talk about this specific thing every 3 weeks and no one can stop me) I do owe Hester my life for this

Now heres the best part. They both did this a lot right. And yknow what that led to? Learning and growing and being there for each other :] Now im going to be honest we dont really see this growth in vol 3 bc judd winick is incapable of writing character development but! Phil Hester is here for us once again with his story in the 80th special and this part specifically <3

Also once again a whole arrowfam thing- neither of them give two shits about their secret id lmao. I choose to believe Mia is so flippant about hers bc she so easily realised Ollie was GA that she just went like. Yeah sure I won't give a fuck either, it's clearly working for him.

oh and they both like musical theatre, hate batman and are homophobic**. sad. **not actually thats just an in joke in fandom

[where-did-the-groove-go]

On Sparks and Asexuality.

National Crime Asexual Awareness Week last week seemed a pretty good excuse to ignore my other obligations and force myself to sit down and start writing the essay post I promised to you all back when I started my blog...

First, a brief bit of backstory on my relationship with this topic. I’m writing from my experience as a sex-repulsed, heteroromantic asexual, who, up until recently, had only ever met 3 other asexuals. Enter the Sparks fandom. I now know 6 asexual Sparks fans, if I’m counting myself! I realize there could be other factors at play regarding the demographics of Tumblr and Instagram users, but nevertheless, there seems to be a disproportionately large aspec population in this fandom. And so it begs the question: why are there so many asexual fans of this band? Or perhaps more specifically: why are there so many asexual fans of a band for which it’s a running joke that “every Sparks song is about sex”???

Despite the joke, sex songs hardly constitute the majority of Sparks’ music. Indeed, there are plenty of Sparks songs that aren’t remotely related to sex or love or relationships (185, if you’re counting, apparently), and I think this is a large part of why people on the ace spectrum seem to particularly enjoy Sparks. Especially for those who are aromantic, I’m sure it’s frustrating that love is the most-written-about subject in popular music, and refreshing to find songs outside of this norm. Personally I’ve never minded love songs since I can still relate to them, but even for me, romance and heartbreak haven’t been frequent experiences. Why listen to songs about those somewhat foreign topics when you could be listening to songs about Albert Einstein or lawnmowers or inadvertently buying the BBC?!

That’s not to say that Ron doesn’t like writing about relationships, because clearly he does—but he almost always defies the normal conventions of doing so. Frequently it seems that he writes from the perspective of an outsider, which I think is something that those of us on the ace spectrum can connect with strongly. In many songs, the narrator is the guy who never gets the girl (“Lots of Reasons”, “Ugly Guys with Beautiful Girls”, “Equator”, “Johnny Delusional”, etc.), often due to no fault of his own. If that doesn’t describe the asexual experience, I don’t know what does—there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with us, we still crave love though for some of us it may be platonic rather than romantic, but we’re rejected because we’re misunderstood. Songs about failed relationships are also prominent (“B.C.”, “Dick Around”, “Tits”, etc.), but they aren’t really about heartbreak; they might be written in the first person, but they aren’t personal. Again, this creates a sense of alienation that I think asexuals often feel regarding the whole subject of sex/love/romance/relationships. The relationships in the songs are just used as a means of telling a larger story, which the listener is watching from the outside—and that’s a very familiar place for me to be, constantly an observer to my friends’ relationship drama rather than a participant.

And then of course there’s the cynical view of love represented in “I Can’t Believe That You Would Fall for All the Crap in This Song”, and the ace/aro anthem “Eaten by the Monster of Love”... At the end of the day, I think most people find more meaning in songs that reflect their own lives, and for us ace folk, I think Ron’s approach to writing about relationships resonates with us more so than the depictions of relationships in mainstream music. 

But in my opinion, there’s another reason that asexuals seem to be drawn to Sparks’ music, a reason that’s even more important than the things I’ve mentioned so far: the sex songs. Yeah, you read that right. Because maybe not every Sparks song is about sex, but... clearly Ron likes writing about sex, too, so I don’t think it’s something that can be overlooked, and while it may seem ironic on the surface, I think that the sex songs compel me, as an asexual, to enjoy Sparks MORE rather than less. 

I don’t know if Ron intentionally tries to save his catchiest tunes for the sex songs or if it just works out that way, but I can’t deny that the likes of “Amateur Hour”, “Missionary Position”, and “Good Morning” are some of my favorites in the Sparks discography. And that drove me insane at first. I realize that sex is a normal and healthy and enjoyable thing for most people, but considering that I personally want no part of it, I still usually try to avoid sex in the media that I consume. I even attribute this as being one of the reasons why I prefer music from the 20th century over whatever my peers listen to, because back then songwriters typically relied on innuendo… innuendo is a lot less uncomfortable for me than the explicit sexual references that have become increasingly common in contemporary popular music, since it’s a lot easier to distance myself from it and thus frame sex in a more positive context, and at least I can appreciate a clever metaphor! And while the aforementioned Sparks songs have some of the best metaphors ever, they’re still VERY obviously about sex. Yet here I was, continuing to listen to these songs because for some reason, the fact that they were about sex wasn’t turning me off from them.

At first I figured that I was just able to overlook the lyrical content of these songs because the music was so infectious, and I’ve never been one to focus on lyrics much anyway. But the longer I listened to Sparks, the more I came to the realization that I also enjoyed the lyrics to these songs, precisely because they were about sex—because they put sex in a context that I’m able to comprehend. Much like the songs about relationships I mentioned earlier, Sparks’ sex songs seem more concerned with the larger story and social commentary of the situations they portray, the outside perspective, rather than with sexual desire or the physical aspects of the act of sex. I think Ron said it best himself in a 1977 interview: “I think there’s a slightly asexual sensibility… I take a more intellectual—as opposed to body approach to what I do.”

So Sparks’ sex songs may be blunt, but I don’t mind them since they’re not graphic, and I can actually understand them since the baffling notion of lust isn’t involved… and on top of that they’re downright funny. Asexuals may not be able to understand sexual desire, but we can certainly understand humor! Even if it is sexual in nature, and even if we’re sex-repulsed! And frankly I’d argue that the humor in question isn’t even all that sexual, it’s more down to Sparks’ penchant for subverting expectations. There’s something undeniably amusing about the plight of the guy who can’t remember anything about his one-night stand, or of the pubescent boy who naturally isn’t a pro when having sex for the first time, if only because these aren’t what you’d expect in your typical song about sex. And a sex song written from the point of view of the sperm, just wanting to fulfill their biological purpose, of all things!

In all of these scenarios, Sparks play around with the conception that sex is a Big Deal. Again, this puts sex on a level that I can comprehend—because I still have a hard time believing that anything about sex culture is actually genuine, that the way most allosexuals talk and brag about sex isn’t full of lies, that all of the confusing and elaborate and almost ritualistic social behaviors surrounding sex aren’t just frivolous. Sparks songs are so real, so objective, so human about sex…  they don’t make it any less meaningful, but the humor and lightheartedness removes it from this weird exalted position that it seems to hold. What a pity that sex culture has trained us that this isn’t what we’re supposed to expect in a song about sex, because it’s an appropriate silliness with which to approach a topic that feels, to me, like a massive inside joke that I haven’t been let in on.

“Missionary Position” defies conventions too, because, as the lyrics say, “the acrobats, well they tend to scoff”—according to the confusing social rules, no one in their right mind would be singing the praises of unadventurous sex. This is one of those often-overlooked moments of sincerity in the Sparks catalogue that I say separates out the fans who truly get Sparks and the ones that don’t, because apparently some people think there’s a catch to this song. Why is being ‘vanilla’ considered a bad thing? This is clearly a healthy relationship and both partners are clearly happy, so why do they need to be doing anything differently? This song’s take on sex is so overwhelmingly positive and down-to-earth that I can only describe it as ‘wholesome’. A round of applause for you, Mael bros, you’ve just made a sex-repulsed asexual describe sex portrayal in media as ‘wholesome’.

“All You Ever Think About Is Sex” is a particularly interesting one to me. If you take it at face value, it’s humorous: both the outrageous situations that the narrator and his partner find themselves in, and the plot-twist that the narrator doesn’t mind that their relationship is solely based around sex (because even allosexuals seem to think that this isn’t very meaningful). However, I’ve always interpreted this song as being EXTREMELY satirical. While the narrator is alright with having a purely physical relationship (or at least says he is), I doubt the author agrees, because the lines “In a world of lovers, we don’t love each other much / Fact is, we’re too busy to love each other much” suggest that ‘making love’ isn’t love at all—a sentiment which is echoed in “More Than a Sex Machine”. Asexuals are well aware that love/romance and sexual attraction aren’t the same thing and don’t necessarily coexist, but allos seem to have a hard time grasping this. To see this view expressed in pop music is validating, to say the least! What’s also cool about this song is that depending on how far you want to read into the satire, either the narrator and his partner agree that they just want a casual relationship; there’s no criticism because there are no expectations beyond this, and sex is treated as a very mundane thing… or the line “Alright with me” is ironic; the narrator is disillusioned because sex is the most important thing in his relationship, and it isn’t the love he was looking for. Either way, it implies that sex shouldn’t be as hyped-up as it is.

There are obviously more songs I could analyze, but this has already been an over-long answer to get my point across: the way that Sparks discuss sex in their songs—an intellectual discussion, poking fun at the seriousness and importance with which society regards sex, emphasizing the need for an emotional connection in a loving relationship—attracts me and likely other asexuals to their music because it’s relatable for us. I may love songs like “Come On Eileen” for the melody but I’ll never be able to fully understand the lyrics, whereas with Sparks I can enjoy the songs for 100% of their worth.

[generouskittentidalwave]

Okay so some author's notes on this one. I love that fact you called the Trojan horse a "fuck off horse" because it is, in fact, a true statement and I will be using that term from now on.

Now I am going to keep my responses straight to the point on this one because if I go on a similar ramble Tumblr will end up breaking and we'd be the sole reason why lol

So let's get into this!

Firstly I want to say I love how deeply you went into this and broke everything down. Even deeper than what I could've ever imagined as even I've never went into it as much as that. I understand that most people in this situation would just roll this off their shoulders and not engage in this repost, for whatever their reasons are, but honestly I genuinely hope others take the time to read your post as well as it'll help give people deeper insight into it all as a whole (also it took 2 hours, that commitment is compendable). The reason why I think that is because it gives people another way of looking at the Iliad and Odyssey, tales as old as time, in a less psychological view point and more as viewpoint of looking at it as what is given, and both are incredibly important when it comes to Odysseus's stories that are told.

That leaves me to my next point and something that needs to be said to everyone who sees this, neither the reposter or me are wrong in our ways of seeing the stories (so no going after them please, whether you disagree with them or not) as both are right (although I definitely made different mistakes while writing it and I'll get into why later). When I was writing about Odysseus's character it was looking at him from a psychological standpoint with the amount of knowledge that I had of him at the time. I tend to psycholoanaylaze things a lot, and Odysseus's character is no exception. You gave your points based on what you have studied while I was making my own points by viewing Odysseus's actions and how they affected him and others and all that stuff on the emotional and mental spectrum based on what I knew. Neither are wrong, just different ways of looking at it, and I think if we both take both of our ways of viewing it and put them together properly then others who may read this will have enough of an understanding of Odysseus's character as a whole. That's why I refuse to delete this post and instead add onto it with the new knowledge I have learned both from this and my time spent after the old post I made, as I believe it can be a learning lesson to all of us, including myself.

Now, first thing is first here, yes I know it is rather silly of me to refer to them as books when they are poems spiraled across the EPIC. I just call them books when explaining things to people because it's easier for others to grasp at rather than having to go on a full ramble explantion about them being poems instead of books and that whole deal.

Now I am going to sum up my response to all the points you made into one, and that being that I made this long ago (not literally but long ago in the sense that my knowledge of both stories has really expanded since then) and I was being very scatter brained with my reasonings and explanations at the time I posted this because I was mixing up things I got from other iterations and things that were added and all of everything inbetween, and that was purely my fault. I didn't expect this post to gain as much attraction as it did, and the people I wanted this post to reach out to were people who I knew wouldn't bother looking into the actual Odyssey so I wanted to help give them a basic understanding of it all. And, in turn, I think I subconsciously didn't keep in mind the fact that I was still learning about it myself as well in different aspects, and clearly that shows.

Onto Odysseus's character as a whole, I never meant to delude his character into just being kind, as that was not my intention. I am well aware Odysseus was a selfish, lying, dumbass who's pride (as you pointed out yourself with him and Diomedes' antics) usually got him and others into trouble on multiple occasions. He was filled with young blood and hubris. It was due to his own foolish actions that kept him away from his home. His own mistakes were what brought on the amount of troubles him and his crew would face along his journey.

I mentioned this before in one of my posts, and it is a statement that I will hold true to my grave, is that Odysseus wasn't perfect, he never will be perfect, and he shouldn't be seen as being perfect. Trying to make him perfect or 100% morally just by covering up his mistakes is an insult to his character and what it is supposed to represent. Odysseus made mistakes, plenty of them, he did things he shouldn't have done, things that weren't necessary but actions he took anyway based on his own emotions, Odysseus is supposed to be the embodiment of what it means to be human. To do stupid things that can cause harm to others, to make mistakes based on your own selfish actions, to not think about the consequences beforehand that would follow because you are too into the moment to realize that you are, in fact, in the wrong. No one realizes that we are responsible for our own actions and feelings, and how they affect those around us.

However, the thing I was trying to bring to light in this post is the good parts of Odysseus that often gets buried among the certain group of people that only look at the story at face value and bounce off the opinions of others who also never read it. Everyone knows the bad things he did, the mistakes he made, and that often leads people to villianize his character and that is not only more frequently done but is just as bad as glorifying him as well.

Odysseus had just as many good qualities as he did bad. He was brave, loyal, and known as one of the wisest men back then, if he wasn't then Athena wouldn't have picked him in the first place. He does show kindness, mercy, empathy, and was stated to be great-hearted (if I remember correctly, correct me if I am wrong as they may have been from an iteration instead) as much as he can show his bad traits at times. And as I said before he could be empathetic or merciful up to a fault because he kept Eurylochus around when in reality if Eurylochus was killed he probably wouldn't have lost his whole crew. When his crew was turned to pigs because of Circe, he came to their side. He chose not to fight Scylla, despite him wanting to for the glory, in order to protect his men, choosing to lose six of his men instead of all. He tried to make up with greater Ajax after what happened with the armor. He respected Ithaca's ways as a king, and if he didn't then he probably wouldn't have been taken in by his loyal servant Eumeaus when be was disguised as a beggar. His actions spread to Eumeaus and through Eumeaus Odysseus was able to get help in regaining his home. And so, so much more he did throughout his journey. And, above all else, no matter what he went through he remained loyal to his family and to his kingdom.

Odysseus isn't meant to be bad. He isn't entirely good, but no one ever is, it depends on how and when and where we are born and raised. The reason people, including myself, don't bring up the idea that back then they had slaves from war and other things is because, as you said yourself, that's just how the world was back then. All legendary kings and queens we have grown to love and admire in modern media did all of that and more during that time, and no one ever really debates about it because we all know that if we were born in that era we would've done the exact same thing. We could be doing something right now that a generation decades in the future would find absolutely disgusting and diabolic and we wouldn't even know. That's why it's impossible to judge or infer anyone's character based on that.

I think, in my personal viewpoint, Odysseus is an all around good guy, mixed with his own good and bad traits, who has made a lot of horrible mistakes in his life due to his own flaws, misjudgement, and hubris, while being stuck in horrible situations he did not want to be in and situations he wasn't ready for nor could deal with properly. But, he is trying the best he can. He learned, he grew, and his journey in the Odyssey was a huge backhanded slap to the face at Odysseus that snapped him out of his old nature and forced him to grow up and be better than who he was. Odysseus, I believe, represents each and every one of us. He represents humans. The good, the bad, the rightous and the ugly, he is everything that we all are. And trying to erase both his good and bad qualities, his heroics and his mistakes, ruins everything he is trying to represent. Trying to erase different parts of his qualities, good and bad, is us trying to erase parts of ourselves due to our own mindset that mistakes made you a bad person, when in reality, mistakes make us who we are. We grow from them and become better people because of it. The duality that makes us, and Odysseus, who we are is exactly what makes his character so beautiful in the first place, and I think that should never, ever change.

Some extra notes:

I definitely agree with what you said about Calypso. Her statement wasn't wrong, it was a double standard back then, but that doesn't automatically make her right either for what she did to Odysseus as it was a genuinely horrible thing to do. So was Zeus getting women pregnant left and right due to not being able to keep it in his pants for 2 seconds. I think the reason Calypso was treated the way she was by the gods despite the gods not being any better was because they already thought less of her due to her being casted out. To them she wasn't free from moral standards as they were, in their eyes she wasn't, and never will be, on their same playing field. When it comes to the media's view on Calypso compared to Zeus, I genuinely think it's because Zeus went after so many women and had so many children that it's impossible for people to take it seriously anymore because the numbers are so absolutely wild it's hard to even comprehend how any person could do it with so many women and have so many children, I think he had 92+ children? I could be wrong though and please correct me if I am but damn that is a lot of children lmao. I always found it ironic the way that some woman were treated back then despite Athena, who is supposed to be female, being the goddess of war. I don't think Odysseus treated one gender better than the other, seeing as he killed both the suitors and the maids that betrayed him in equally brutal fashion all around, although one could argue one punishment was more brutal than the other as it really depends. I could be wrong though.

And about Odysseus and Circe, you are right as it is left rather vague in the story. Hermes told him to sleep with Circe (again, correct me if I am wrong) and he had to if he wanted to save his men and get information to guide them home. Him needing to be convinced to leave could be interpreted in different ways, but if I had to take ab educated guess ( just a guess not fact) atleast from what we've seen so far due to how he felt when he was trapped by Calypso, he probably felt like he wasn't allowed to leave, like he needed more information or Circe would punish him and his men if he did, kind of similar to what happened on Calypso's island but being trapped in a different kind of way.

When I refer to Odysseus as 'young' I don't mean it literally. I mean it in the sense by the way he acts. There are a lot of times where he acts pretty immature despite his age. He acts very young blooded with pride and it gets him into a lot of trouble, rather than him actually acting his age. Sorry if that came off as confusing, I meant it more as a saying not in the literal sense. ^^"

Now, for my final conclusion, I must ask you a very important question. I love the fact that your cat is named Ajax, it's adorable, and I want to ask what kind of breed of cat is he?

Also, what are your thoughts on Epic the musical? I find it to be a really great musical in the making, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts! :D

I had a lot of fun discussing all of this with you! Your input was really well done and I appreciated every bit of it! I hope you, and the readers who see this post, have a wonderful day and night! ^^

OKAY I WAS NOT EXPECTING PEOPLE TO LIKE MY RESPONSE TO THE REPOST AND I APPRECIATE IT A LOT 😭😭

Now onto what I want to say, it's about what I stated earlier. There is something I would like to address that I noticed a bit after spending some time in the greek mythology whirlpool of wonderful chaos. Although there really aren't that many, I still want to address how there are people out there who seem to get very confused about Odysseus's character and what's what, and then accidentally say things that never actually happened with his character and then it leaves everyone upset and embarrassed which sucks because it's not really anyone's fault, and not many people are actually explaining it all, so that's what I'm going to do here to hopefully save some people from having to go through everything. I hope this doesn't get buried in the Tumblr algorithm as I'm honestly not doing this for likes or praise or any of that, I really just want this to get out there and help others get a better grasp of it all so everyone can enjoy their greek mythology fun in peace and maybe even help others get into the fun as well! ^^

First off I have to state this:

The only canon Odysseus is in Homer's Odyssey and Homer's Iliad, he was the creator of the character and all the characters within both book series. If the one you are reading isn't authored by Homer then it is an iteration therefore it is not canon to the actual story.

Now with that being said, and before I go any further, this doesn't mean you shouldn't read the different iterations or modern takes on the character, I mean why else do you think aus and fanfiction are a thing as well? (And ones created for this story as well because this fanbase is LIVELY) That's basically exactly what this all is except it's about an ancient story. People create different versions, spread different information which is either not what happened in the canon story or completely taken out of context. And these things happen, it's a story all the way back in ancient times, games like telephone are bound to happen and that's okay, no one should be at eachother's throats about it as it's out of people's control and happens with many and I mean many modern shows and stories as well.

But what I do suggest is just applying basic principles to it like we do now, such as:

*If you read an iteration of the story and you mention something from it, make sure you state it's from an iteration so that way people won't get confused with the actual story

*You don't have to read all books of Homer's Odyssey and the Iliad, but when you hear something from it you should do a quick look up about it to make sure you have all the context and that it was from Homer's story and not an iteration.

*Don't assume anything and make a comment about it immediately. I am sure every single person here did the same about something regarding Homer's Odyssey and Iliad at some point, I can almost guarantee it. If not then great for them ^^. But the point is, if you jump to assumptions and misinterpret something then make a claim about it, unfortunately the results don't turn out in your favor. So it's best to do your own research on it first before taking what is said as fact.

Basically just do your own research first before jumping to any conclusions, besides learning more about something can you discover something you may really enjoy that you haven't thought about before! :D

Now, onto the real elephant in the room, which is Odysseus's character. And we are going to be talking about Odysseus's character in Homer's Odyssey and Homer's Iliad and hopefully this helps to clear some things up for those that both aren't looking to get into the whole story and for those who are, so here we go! ^^

"Odysseus cheated on his wife! He committed Adultery!" : This is the biggest one that I have heard, and it is in fact false. Odysseus is unfortunately a major victim of SA both from Circe and Calypso, and while Circe's was more subtle, Calypso's wasn't as she kept him there for seven years. Odysseus was one of the few men in greek mythology who was 100% loyal and faithful to his wife till the very end and beyond. He didn't want any other woman, he wanted Penelope. He fought for Penelope, he loved Penelope and no one else.

"Odysseus committed mass murder and killed a bunch of people!": If you are talking about what happened with the Trojan horse then yes, you are correct, however this is often taken out of context. The truth of the matter is that is just how war is. During the fight they already lost Achilles (basically their version of a superhero) in battle, and Odysseus being the advisor had to weigh out the options between the two which is either continue as is and risk losing more lives or create the horse and not risk as many lives. It was a desperation move, and all of it was thrown onto Odysseus to take charge, but the situation needed to be done or no one would make it back home alive.

"Didn't he literally throw and kill a baby? What's up with that?": Yes but again, taken out of context, Odysseus was given a vision that the baby would grow older and kill a bunch of innocent people, so he had to make the choice whether he should kill the baby or not. Zeus was standing there like "Yeet the baby, Odysseus, yeet the child." And Odysseus, not wanting anyone he cared for to die, killed the child. It was a tough choice that he was faced with, as it would be for anyone in his shoes.

"Wasn't he overconfident and got in trouble a lot? Didn't his pride cause him to reveal his name to the Cyclops? He really must not be a good person." : Yes for the first part but no for the second part, he was overconfident and that would sometimes get him into trouble, like with the Cyclops. He was young, bold, confident, and although said to be one of the wisest men there was (which is true) he too had to grow and mature out of his own hubris. He wasn't perfect, and neither are we, he made mistakes but nothing outlandish that made him bad, it just showed that he was human and had done his own mistakes in life, just like we have.

There are many other things as well, Odysseus killed one of the kings on the Trojan side of war and took his horses but he did that because he knew one of the only ways they could stand a chance in the war is getting those horses. Odysseus's friend Ajax the greater killed himself after Odysseus defeated him for the armor of Achilles, however what happened after that was none of Odysseus's fault, as Athena decided to be the one to drive Ajax the greater mad and it caused him to kill the sheep and then himself afterwards out of shame. Odysseus's even tried pleading for forgiveness from him in the underworld (even though none of it was his fault) but Ajax the greater refused to acknowledge him and walked off. Then you have Palamedes, in Homer's Odyssey he was sent to bring Odysseus to war, so he decided to put Odysseus's infant son in front of his plow which caused Odysseus to swerve out of the way, and Odysseus was then forced to go to war to protect his son which then later caused all of these things to happen throughout both stories. Odysseus didn't take that well and he cleverly placed a forged letter and gold in Palamedes tent and got him framed for treason, and Palamedes was stoned to death (and honestly he had that coming)

Now, does any of this mean I want you to go and do what Odysseus did? No, please for the love of god please don't. What all of this does mean though, is that Odysseus was not a bad person, but instead a good guy put in some of the worse positions and situations possible surrounded by people who spoke with their fists rather than their heart. In fact, despite his "I'm so balling right now" personality causing him to get into trouble, he was one of the kindest, wisest, loyal and empathetic people you could meet back then which was incredibly rare back in those times. He went to literal hell and back for 20 years just to get to his family again, he stuck by his men despite them screwing things up multiple times over, same situation was with Agamemnon and Achilles as well, so he kind up to a fault. He was kind respectful to his people, he didn't care what status you were or where you came from, you were treated with respect and kindness all the same, and that inspired one of his workers to be the same when he invited a certain beggar in his home, and that act of kindness spread through the heart of Ithaca as a whole, but when he left it was all gone. To have that much of an impact on people because of kindness just shows how good of a person he really was. And with happened to Ithaca when he left it, it also showed how much the world did not deserve that kindness, but it certainly needed it.

So in conclusion, yes Odysseus made mistakes, and he was by no means perfect, but he shouldn't be seen as perfect or expected to be perfect. He is a really good guy dealing with getting screwed over by literally everyone around him. He made mistakes, he broke down, he fell at times, but he got back up, never lost his kind heart or his true self, and in the end made it back to his family and got a happy ending. Odysseus was and always will be the embodiment of what it truly means to be a human being going throw the troubles of life, what if feels like to go through it and how it affects certain actions you take, and to stay true to your heart no matter what, and overall to never give up. And I hope those who are out there who hate his character due to misinformation are able to see his character for what he is rather than what others make him out to be.

WOW THAT WAS A LOT OF WORDS, I was not expecting to type that much but I really needed to get this out there. I hope all you greek geeks have a lovely day and night and I'll see you next time! ^^

I gotta take a nap after all of that ^^"

[pumpkincarriage3]

I saw your post on misinterpreted characters in Twist and I agree with a lot of your points, especially Vil. Especially when people write him as only seeing beauty as something skin deep. I have a character I want to present that I feel people misinterpret in Fics, either due to head canons or fixation on certain character traits: Riddle. A lot of times I see Riddle being written as this miserable, bitter teen who lashes out at others, is in a depression funk, and is spiraling with a very angst-hysterical internal monologue about how he can’t ever seem to connect with others because he’s stuck in a self-fulfilling cycle. I understand having Riddle as a comfort character one projects on to, I’ve read a few really lovely character analysis fics for Riddle exploring his emotions post overblot. But I’ve also read fics where it just writes him as a helpless, depressed teen who hates himself. I do think that Riddle probably has depression to some degree and definitely his fair share of trauma, but I disagree with how people write him post blot for the most part. Riddle holds himself with poise, he maintains confidence because while that overblot was a setback it did help him see his wrongdoings and face the future and people around him with a more positive outlook, it helped him start coming out of his shell to begin tentatively connecting with others and show them how caring he is in a more soft, healthy way. Because Riddle is a really caring boy, that’s part of why he overblotted. I’m gonna cut my ramble here, because I do have more points to make about him, I just can’t remember any specific parts in story canon to back up those points I have. Do you also think people misinterpret Riddle a lot? Or maybe other characters that weren’t in your initial post?

TL;DR: I think people also misinterpret Riddle a lot. Sorry for the super long ask 😅

Riddle is definitely a character that also gets misinterpreted quite a bit. And I've seen his misinterpretations fall on both sides of the spectrum.

Either they make him this super soft boy that acts more like a child seeking comfort than Riddle, once again taking what happened at the end of his Overblot and running with it even though that was him after he just had a mental break down and coming to terms with the fact that he could have seriously harmed someone even though from his perspective, they were people he was trying to help. (Even if his way of helping was a bit extreme in some ways.)

In contrast, I've also seen people do the opposite. They make Riddle much worse than he ever was. Make it to where he would actively harm others to uphold the rules, which doesn't fit Riddle at all. At most, he made people wear a collar and took away their magic. There has been nothing to suggest that this is physically harmful, at most it would be a bit embarrassing. We also see that Riddle actively tries to look at the situation as a whole so he doesn't end up being super harmful to someone with his punishments. An example as such being when he told Ace not to worry about class, because he checked and there wouldn't be any use of magic needed soon. He makes sure that his dorm students are they best they can be, because that is genuinely all that he wants.

Post-blot, Riddle definitely had to come to terms with a lot of things. That maybe, the way he has been doings things wasn't the best way to go about it. That the way his mom has been doings things isn't the best way to go about things. Someone, even after all that she has put him through, is someone he still clearly looks up to. It's why in Chapter Four he stated that over the break he needed to talk things through with her. We never see how things go there, so we can only speculate.

But we do know he needed to do a lot of self-reflection. That he probably didn't have a lot of time to do that before everything with Spell-Drive game coming up and members of his dorm getting injured. And even though he's trying his best to be more accommodating, he still struggles because it is all he has ever known.

But Riddle deals with it gracefully after he has time to cool down. He goes right back into his Dorm Leader duties and trying to make sure the members of his dorm are the best they can be. Of course, since it's all he's ever known, it doesn't get fixed overnight. We see more of this during Chapter Six. He just has a lot to deal with at any given time.

Honestly, I think all of the Twst characters in some way or another. Some are more misinterpreted than others, but I can easily think of at least one thing for each.

Ace - He gets portrayed as a Tsundere quite a bit, not to say he isn't, but it gets played up quite a bit. Ace is typically more brutally honest than anything.

Deuce - He's seen as a "good boy" most of the time. While Deuce is trying his hardest to be his best, there is more than just that. He can be manipulative (seen in his halloween vignette), he doesn't just help people out because they asked nicely, that's not Deuce.

Cater - People seemed to forget a lot that most of what we see of Cater is just a front. Its not him, and we rarely ever get to see just Cater. So, typically when people right him they show the Cater that Cater puts on as a show.

Trey - People forget that he's a really good liar. He can look you straight in the eye and lie to you about something, and you would think he was being completely honest. He wouldn't even feel guilty about it.

Ruggie - With the way he was raised, I don't think he would give as much to his time or help people out without benefit as much as people think he would. Typically they will use him being reminded of kids back home as an excuse, but that is unlikely to happen. This is the same man that nearly let people die because he wanted to sell a mage stone (campe vargus), let that sink in.

Jack - Also someone that gets boiled down to a "good boy". Ironically, Jack is really selfish. That doesn't mean its a bad thing, it isn't always bad to be selfish, but its something people seem to forget quite a bit.

Floyd - People keep saying he's an idiot. He's not. He just can't be bothered with things if he isn't in the mood.

Jade - Some people seem to drop the sinister under tone when writing him, but its always there. Azul himself says that Jade is much worse than Floyd.

Jamil - Jamil probably wouldn't want to help someone unless he had no choice. He knew Vil was going to poison Neige, and in the end he only got involved because if someone died it would cause a problem for him. He was more than okay with letting Neige be poisoned.

Rook - Rook is scarily observant. And he's someone that loves finding the beauty in everything. And I mean everything. He simply wants to enjoy everything the world has to offer. And he's also really loyal. He isn't simply a weird little french man.

Lilia - I think I can say that we all know that there more than meets the eye with Lilia. I either see people drop this or take fae stereotypes to the extremes and make him the worst. Which, hasn't been shown to be true.

Sebek - He doesn't just talk about Malleus, contrary to popular belief. He's someone thats proud of himself, his training, and his culture. He's so proud of it, so he talks about it so much because he has so much love for it. But it isn't all he has to offer.

I can go further in depth for all of these, but these are all just examples. I hope I answered your asks properly, if I didn't than feel free to let me know and I'll try and get it right next time. ^^

[notmuchofarolemodel]

music- sia’s movie

originally written on jan 24 2021

I can’t believe i’m writing about this. again.

So, if you didn’t already know, Sia directed a movie about an autistic girl, starring Maddie Ziegler. This is problematic for so many reasons, including the fact that Maddie is allistic (not autistic), Sia did next to no research on autism before directing the movie, and after announcing the movie, she took to twitter and attacked autistic people voicing their opinions. But she’s done so many more awful things since. So yay, article by me, the sequel. /s

Sia has done a few interviews over the last while about her movie and has responded to criticism about it. (very badly.)

Despite her claims, Sia was never going to cast an autistic actor in the first place. She said:

“I realized it wasn’t ableism [Casting Maddie]. I mean, it is ableism I guess as well, but it’s actually nepotism because I can’t do a project without her. I don’t want to. I wouldn’t make art if it didn’t include her.”

It was also found that Sia said had written a film for Maddie a long time ago- in 2015- which almost certainly means she never had any intentions of casting an autistic person.

The plot of the movie, and a clip have both been leaked since the release of the trailer in November.

‘Music’ falls back on harmful Hollywood sterotypes again, and again- but yet, after it was no longer fresh news, almost nobody but the autistic community was talking about it. It’s still set to be released soon this year, but stereotypes such as ‘autism = special/savant abilities’ as seen in Rain man, and ‘Autistic people don’t have feelings’ - are ones that lead to underdiagnosis, and biases in the professional world.

“We are particularly alarmed that Sia has said it would be ‘cruel’ to cast a nonspeaking autistic person as an actor. It suggests that she thinks that autistic people don’t understand our own lives and aren’t the people who should be telling our own stories. When people tell stories about autism that cut out an autistic point of view, when storytellers view us as objects to tell inspirational stories about, or when autism is treated as a narrative device rather than as a disability community full of real people, the stories that are told fall flat, don’t speak to our reality, and are often harmful to us.” -Zoe Gross, ASAN

Sia refused to refer to her main character as disabled, and only used the term ‘special abilities’ which just further proves how these sterotypes affect people’s view of autistic people. In today’s society, autism is a disability, and that’s not a bad thing. She also described the film as “Rainman, the musical- but with girls”

There are several meltdown scenes in the movie, and one of them has been leaked in a clip. In this, Music is having a meltdown in a park, and she is then held in prone restraint. Meaning she was jumped on top of and pinned to the ground. This was not only unnecessary, but potentially deadly. This film is going to be big, if it gets released, and it was very much made for a neurotypical audience’s enjoyment. People will likely see this movie, and think that restraining an autistic person is ok. It’s not. This is how people get killed. Recently a story came up about Eric Parsa, a 16 year old autistic boy who was killed at the hands of the police last year, after they used this ‘technique’ on him.

Regarding this scene Sia said, “If they [cinema-goers] watch the movie, it will allow them to touch into their compassion. That scene was so important to me, because of all the people staring. I felt compelled to put it in.”

This is why people need to listen and learn from actual autistic people. There’s so much dangerous misinformation out there, and it’s unacceptable. There is nothing ‘compassionate’ about harming people, and autistic people are people. i.e people who deserve the same rights and dignity as everyone else.

Sia continues to further dehumanize autistic people by constantly talking about ‘levels of functioning’. humans are impossibly complex, and there’s no one way to function. In an interview with Sia, nonspeaking autistic people are compared to ‘inanimate objects, like wigs’.

Sia also said “People functioning at Music’s level can’t get on Twitter and tell me I did a good job either.” This is untrue, firstly because, again- there’s no one way to function, and just because a person can’t speak, doen’t mean they don’t have a right to opinions, and feelings (and it definitely doesn’t mean they should be compared to ‘inanimate objects’), and secondly because many nonspeaking autistic people have taken to twitter and social media to tell her she’s done a bad job, she’s just chosen to ignore and insult them.

This whole thing is so infuriating, and it’s very obvious that Sia does not care about autistic people.

“Sia being ableist AF while claiming she meant well is some serious abled savior bullshit. I can’t believe so many people green-lit this project & the press team approved the ‘special abilities’ language. Disabled people clearly weren’t part of this production team.” -Kristen Parisi via twitter

She also claimed she decided to make the movie because she was inspired by a 16-year-old named Stevie that she met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. “Stevie used to sit next to me in the front row at my AA meetings. He was low-functioning and on the spectrum with echolalia; he’s the reason I wanted to make this movie,” she said. Autistic people don’t exist simply to be inspiring or make you feel good about yourself. We’re people, who just want to go about our lives, the same as anyone else- we don’t need a cure and we don’t need to fit people’s idea of what autism is, just let us be, please.

Finally, I’m just going to touch on the question ‘Why isn’t any criticism being directed at Maddie?’ This is because she likely didn’t have much say in the film at all. Keep in mind that she was only 13/14 at the start of this project. Sia also said Maddie was worried that people would think she was mocking autistic people. The film is a mockery of autistic people, but Sia is at fault.

“She had researched her role for two years, we watched movies together, and I taught her the nuances and ticks I had observed from [a] friend [with autism],” Sia said. “We did this in the most sensitive and respectful way.”

I can confirm that that is very much not sensitive and respectful- not to mention that Maddie also watched autism meltdowns as a part of her reseach too (filming a meltdown is incredibly dehumanizing) , but the fact that she learned how to ‘act autistic’ from sterotypes, taught to her by a person who just, doesn’t know anything about autism is awful, but also quite absurd. It makes no sense.

No, I do not wish to watch an abled-bodied actor wear my stims like itchy clothes. A caricature of my being.

No, I do not want to see her dance around in skin not her own, profiting from a life not her own.

No, I do not wish to support yet another film that will profit off the lives of disabled bodies without one disabled body involved. -tiffany hammond

I recieved quite a bit of backlash when I posted the first time about why casting a nondisabled actor for a disabled role is bad- from allistic people, so if any of you are reading this as nondisabled people- I literally do not care if you disagree, you don’t get to dictate how autistic people feel. Try a little harder to get out of your own head and see things from another person’s perspective xx

Now, for the love of God, please don’t watch this movie if it comes out in February, and listen to Autistic voices. : Here is a thread of positive autistic representation instead :)

click here for thread!

Sign the Petition

Filming & posting videos of children's autism meltdowns on YouTube is a clear violation of YouTube's community…www.change.org

link

Sign the Petition

Sia has announced she is directing a movie about an autistic woman, and claims she wants to represent the…www.change.org

all other relevant links are linked within the underlined text.

my original article - link

[lilyclawthorne]

Pepa & Lillith for character meme

I’m glad my love of the owl house hasn’t been forgotten despite this blogs change

Pepa

1- Favourites thing(s) about this character?

She’s a lot of fun! I like her energy. She makes me love the color yellow again. She’s very pretty. I love her outfit. I love her personality. She was an initial favorite of mine as well because I was really interested in her gift, and the subsequent anxiety and emotional issues she clearly has because of it. I love her relationship with Félix. We don’t see too much about her with Dolores and Camilo, but we see how much she cares when she’s worrying about Antonio. Also love that she’s absolutely ready to give in and talk about Bruno despite acting like she didn’t want to.

2- What song(s) remind you of this character?

I have a few, but I’m gonna say Second Child, Restless Child by The Oh Hellos for now.

3- Do you like this character?

Pls look at my url. Look at my icon. Look at my top posts. You tell me.

4- Would you write about this character?

I have and will continue to do so!

5- What do you not like about this character?

How dare you ask me that

6- Favourite thing this character has said?

I answered this here

7- What do you like most about this character?

Her frazzled anxious energy was something I related too tbh! Then the more I paid attention to her every time I rewatched, I just fell in love with her personality and her ways of showing affection, as well as her kinda petty and dramatic nature!

8- Do you think this character is underrated or overrated?

Refer to question 6

9- What’s your favourite headcanon(s) for this character?

I know a lot of people say they believe she actually is in control of the weather, but she lets her emotions control her. I think her emotions DO control the weather, but the actual problem is the way she’s been taught to associate different types of weather with specific emotions. If she could see the positives and negatives of all weather, it would allow her better control no matter what emotion she’s feeling.

10- Who do you like to ship with this character? (If you do of course) Is it another character from the cast or is it an OC?

Me. Félix of course.

11- Who do you not like to ship with this character?

I thin we know the answer by now based on the rest of these character asks.

12- Have you read any fics about this character? (if it’s not an OC)? Can you recommend anything good?

Bestie buckle tf up

First of all, shameless self promos here:

Clear Skies

No Clouds Allowed In The Sky

Now for others:

Should I Be Worried?

I Still Love The Rain

Bracing For The Winds I Always Summon

Rebellious Teenagers

Positively Beaming

Come Into The Light

After Everything, There’s Still You

the constellations shift

Can’t Hear The Miracle

Clear Skies, Pepa Madrigal

little cloud

14- What outfit would you really like to see this character wear? Or what’s your favourite outfit of theirs?

Pls I’m just in love with her dress, and all the little details in it. The sun pattern around her neck, the lighting bolts on the hair band and near the bottom of the skirt, the ver subtle raindrop pattern across most of the dress. It’s got a lot of cool details

16- What do you think would improve this character? Like, character-arc wise?

We can probably assume how she got to suppressing her emotions, and how clear skies became her thing to calm down, but I think I’d be interesting to learn more about the events in her life that lead to her feeling unable to really express herself.

17- Have you ever had a crush on this character…?

Look at me. Look me in the eyes. Look at my blog. You have your answer.

18- What’s something you associate this character with? E.g. a certain colour, object or scenery?

Sounds of thunder, sun showers, the whole spectrum of colors in a sunrise or sunset, braided hair, the feeling of laying on the pavement while it rains, the sound of raindrops hitting the roof, bright yellow, sunflowers,

19- What would the show/book/movie be like if this character wasn’t present? (if it’s not an OC)

Who else is gonna lead her whole half of the family in a choreographed musical number to tell Mirabel about Bruno?? Julieta?? I think not! We need Pepa so she can learn more about Bruno.

21- Wild card! Talk about anything to do with this character! Anything at all!

I’d really like to explore her relationship with Julieta more as well. I think they would’ve been compared to each other often as kids, with Julieta being favored by others, and I think Pepa would have some built up resentment about it, even if she doesn’t want to. It’d be interesting to see them talk it out. I also think Julieta may have missed out on a lot of her childhood for the sake of Bruno and Pepa, and this could be something Pepa never really realized, so I’d be interested in how that kind of talk would go down as well.

Lilith Clawthorne

1- Favourites thing(s) about this character?

I love a good morally gray character, especially one who starts on the bad side and realizes what they’ve done wrong, and strives to improve themself! I love how she’s become a happier person, and has really shown more of her true personality after leaving the Emperor’s Cult Coven. She fucked up real bad, but overall she truly deeply cares about her sister.

2- What song(s) remind you of this character?

I’ll Be Good by Jaymes Young

3- Do you like this character?

Yes absolutely! A fave from the owl house. I’ve literally cosplayed her.

4- Would you write about this character?

I have already!! Several fics about her on my ao3, they’re not the greatest but they sure are there.

5- What do you not like about this character?

Lilith, honey, bby, you’re a little dumb. This whole mess could’ve been avoided if you just talked to your sister as kids. Also you tried to chase fire bees with a wooden stick. I love you still tho.

6- Favourite thing this character has said?

“I am a witch, UNHINGED!” But also at the end of Separate Tides you can hear her say “things are finally starting to feel alright again” and i love that cause you have to wonder how many years it’s been since she’s been able to feel that way, like 30+ probably.

7- What do you like most about this character?

She’s complex, and while she can never undo the things she did, I think she’s really genuinely trying to be better for her sister, for the people around her and for herself as well.

8- Do you think this character is underrated or overrated?

Hmm not one or the other, She got a LOT of hate in season 1, but now a lot of people love her.

9- What’s your favourite headcanon(s) for this character?

Omg it’s been awhile since I’ve had to think about this. Always a fan of the idea that she had a petty past relationship with Odalia, and the two fucking hate each other now. It makes for good humor. Also I love the headcanon that Lux gave Lilith the low battery shirt, told Eda the joke, and Lilith still has no clue what the joke is.

10- Who do you like to ship with this character? (If you do of course) Is it another character from the cast or is it an OC?

Lilith x self-improvement

11- Who do you not like to ship with this character?

Belos, Hooty.

12- Have you read any fics about this character? (if it’s not an OC)? Can you recommend anything good?

It’s been awhile but here’s some good ones I remember

Famous Last Words

Heavy Is The Head That Wears The Crown

we can’t function alone

living arrangements, shovel talks

Accidentally An Aunt

14- What outfit would you really like to see this character wear? Or what’s your favourite outfit of theirs?

Give me them a badass new wild witch Lilith outfit okay!! The battery shirt is humorous, but I need her to kick it up a notch and accept her newfound wild witch nature and look like a bad ass like Eda.

16- What do you think would improve this character? Like, character-arc wise?

She had many opportunities to talk with her sister before things got so much worse. I’d love to see her become someone who takes action way more often, and doesn’t hesitate because she’s scared of what will happen to her.

17- Have you ever had a crush on this character…?

yes absolutely!

18- What’s something you associate this character with? E.g. a certain colour, object or scenery?

Royal blue, round glasses, ravens, well-loved books and well-used notebooks, night skies,

19- What would the show/book/movie be like if this character wasn’t present? (if it’s not an OC)

Would Eda even be the Owl Lady?

21- Wild card! Talk about anything to do with this character! Anything at all!

Tbh I’m still worried that since she went to be with her mother, that it’s a way to keep audiences from really thinking about what she’s up to/worrying about her, and then bam we gonna found out she’s held hostage by the Emperor’s Coven or something. Especially cause I think Belos may have a stronger grudge against her for betraying him.

[alex-writes-things]

How to Write An Aromantic Or Asexual Character

Right, so, I already made a post on this last summer. However, I’ve realised that it wasn’t very accurate, and since there were so many suggestions in the comments I’ve decided to make a new, improved version. I hope you find this helpful and enjoy including some excellent representation!

This is using my own experience, notes from others, and my research on the topic. I’ve spent many nights twisting and turning and researching different orientations and labels that could fit me, and although now I’ve decided on queer (though I’m openly acespec) that research has come in handy!

What does ‘aromantic’ mean?

Someone who is aromantic feels little to no romantic attraction or desire. They may be romance repulsed, but not always. 

What does ‘asexual’ mean?

Someone who is asexual feels little to no sexual attraction or desire. They may be sex repulsed, but not always.

Is that it?

No! There’s a whole massive spectrum of identities that fall under the aspectrum, including demisexual, demiromantic, greyromantic and greyromantic (but there are many more than this). Definitions for these can be found online, and on social media accounts dedicated to aro/ace experiences, such as @justaroacethings or you can ask me!

Struggles related to asexuality and aromanticism

I think my asexuality was and is the hardest thing to come to terms with about my sexuality and identity. Most days, it’s something I’m proud of, and though I don’t shout about it, and I haven’t told my family, it actually makes me quite happy.

If you’re not aromantic or asexual or somewhere on the spectrum yourself, while I urge you to have aro and ace characters in your stories, please avoid writing a story about these experiences. However, it’s important to know what can be hard for us! Amatanormativity and allonormativity make us victims, and teach society that we are inhuman, and teach us that we aren’t acceptable. This is wrong, but it is something many of us struggle with and it doesn’t hurt to mention in the story!

HOWEVER: WE ARE NOT INHERENTLY SAD OR ASHAMED. BEING ARO/ACE IS COOL AND A LOT OF US ARE PROUD, SO PLEASE, HAVE A PROUD CHARACTER, BECAUSE WE NEED MORE OF THOSE!

Don’t aspec people get lonely?

Well, firstly, romantic and sexual relationships aren’t the only kinds of love and aren’t the only sources of happiness! We can have friends, family, pets, and date (yes, even aromantics, because attraction doesn’t equate to action) and there are also things called QPRs (queerplatonic relationships) which are really cool and might be good to look into!

Do’s for writing aromantic characters

- let them have friends and family and people around them that they love or that love them

- state that they’re aro, if they know and the world is one in which aromanticism is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider whether they feel awkward in romantic situations, and whether they’ve had a relationship in the past, whether it failed, made them realise they were aro/arospec, or even if it worked!

- you don’t need to include the hardships they face, but if you think you can do that well and it will add to the story ask me or an aro/ace friend to have a look over it!

- remember that they can still experience sexual attraction!!

Don’ts for writing aromantic characters

- don’t make them sad and lonely. this enforces amatanormativity and the idea that you need romance to live a happy life!

- they don’t need to be afraid of affection and physical contact. i’ve met aros who only felt repulsed by these things when clearly they were romantic gestures.

- don’t make being aromantic their only personality trait

- please don’t enforce the stereotype that they are rude and unloving- this isn’t true. 

- don’t make them hate themself for being aro. this is harmful and although is sadly sometimes the case, it’s not something we need to see in fiction

Dos for writing asexual characters

- give them a romantic partner if that’s something they want

- remember that while some aces are sex repulsed, not all are, and we aren’t necessarily scared of sex!

- once again, give them friends and family too if they want that!

-  state that they’re ace, if they know and the world is one in which asexuality is known of. if not, let them describe their feelings! even if there’s no word to describe it, it’s not too difficult to communicate!

- consider how they may feel in intimate situations 

Don’ts for writing asexual characters

- don’t make them afraid of physical contact

- don’t make them sad and lonely because of their asexuality

- don’t make being ace their only personality trait

- don’t sexualise or fetishize them (or anyone!!)

- don’t focus on how ‘abnormal’ they are, because it’s not true! 

What is repulsion like?

Repulsion can be nausea, anxiety, feeling uncomfortable, feeling irritated or frustrated, or an urge to run away etc. There’s not only one way to experience this. 

Conclusion

Everyone experiences being on the aspectrum so differently- these are just some tips to help you better understand these identities and hopefully better your representation and make a deep, inoffensive aro/ace character!

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

lately i feel taehyung is a straight man and his vibez is much more masculinity i mean not to mention taehyung straightly said to jimin he like him most and no offense for me it's just assurance about something etc and i don't feel like in romantic way but much more because he is best friend for life. i mean before you can assume he is kind of gay but lately i feel like he's more focus on masculine way and much more straight man.

Admin 1: Let’s do a little exercise which I think will help us answer this question, as well as showcase why reading it annoyed me so much, especially as queer person myself. Okay, here are nine different men, all of them athletes (why did I pick them? Because idols are basically just as athletic as them and chances of you knowing all nine are low), and now please try to guess which of them (if any) are gay/queer:

…

Do you have your guesses?

…

Okay, as example, if you guessed only the one first row second from the left then, well, you are partially correct. That man is Johnny Weir, former American figure skater, who is, in fact, gay, yes. But you are wrong in saying that out of all the men in those pictures he’s the only one who is queer. Because all of them are. You can read more about them here if you’re interested.

What does this tell us? Easy. The manner in which someone presents themselves (or the vibe, whatever that’s even supposed to mean, that they give off/give you), traditionally masculine, feminine, more androgynous, or anywhere else on the spectrum, has no correlation whatsoever with their sexuality. A gay man can dress in a way that is traditionally seen as more feminine and that’s fine. He can dress and look more typically masculine, and that is fine as well. He can dress and look however he likes and that doesn’t make him any less or more gay, or any less or more valid.

The main thing I would like for you to take away from this answer is this: please do not buy into stereotypical, basically fetishizing, portrayals and assumptions of what constitutes a “gay man” visually and behavior wise. There is no checklist full of boxes a queer man, or any queer person for that matter, needs to fulfil in order to be queer and valid in their queerness. There is no unified look a gay man has to showcase in order to be gay. It’s the 21st century, the year 2021, can we leave finally lay these things to rest?

As for Tae, if you want to know my thoughts about BTS and the LGBT community, I have an entire post about it which you can read here if that’s something that interests you. If we look at how Tae currently looks like, which you’ve defined as more “masculine” (and therefore straight), I will agree that he has gained muscles, if that is what you think is a necessary checkbox for masculinity, but really, all that really tells us is that Tae is healthy, that he looks great, handsome as ever, and that he is an idol of whom it is expected and required to be in a good physical shape, especially with comeback being quite literally just three days away which means a lot of performances, dancing, and hard Bangtan choreographies.

Your taste in fashion and how you feel most comfortable with your body looking like has no direct correlation with your sexuality, and neither does it with Tae’s.

Lastly, how is Tae saying he likes Jimin most on national TV somehow proof of him being straight? What else was he supposed to say? What would he have to say for you to not question his bond with Jimin? Is there a possibility we’re wrong and they’re just platonic, of course, but at the same time, looking at how Jimin said that Tae is a honest person, how Tae basically wears his heart on his sleeve, and how he’s written a song all about falling in love with his best friend, whom we know is Jimin, and we know Tae writes songs based on his own feelings and experiences, I do have a hard time believing that we are wrong. But, of course, we won’t know for sure until Tae or Jimin, or both, tell us themselves.

You are free to believe whatever you like but at least don’t project gender and LGBT stereotypes (most of which have been created and are perpetuated by straight people) onto Tae, and the other members for that matter. Or any queer person really.

Admin 2: I admit that after what I’ve recently observed on various sns platforms, no question will surprise me anymore. In fact, I'm sure I know where this question came from.

The most annoying thing is that despite so many "steps and demonstrations" on BTS' part, there is still an army trying to put people into individual boxes and number those boxes and give them names.

Do any of us have our sexualities written out on our foreheads? Can you see if we are sexually interested in women, men, or anyone else? And how can you know that?

I think a lot of people know Adam Rippon, for example, who is a former American figure skater and Olympic team bronze medalist. Yes, Adam is gay and has a very handsome partner, fiancé actually, who looks like a young god. He's fit, look at his photos on Instagram, Jussi goes to the gym, runs and is even in the process of builds a house himself, like a "real man", a "typical" man ... but he's gay!

If you look at this example, you can clearly see that there are no stereotypes that would indisputably define the appearance of an LGBTQ+ person! Indeed, in the last century, attempts have been made to give "gay" people the weird appearance of only ever being feminized man who are always sassy and the side kick in movies/shows, the stereotypical "gay best friend". It the past century it was designed as such to portray queer people, and especially gay men, in undesirable ways, as jokes and as something "bad", but I thought we grew out of it a long time ago as modern and tolerant people.

Kim Taehyung has to practice and exercise as a member of BTS. That’s a fact. To meet the requirements of their choreographies, whether you like it or not, you must be in an Olympic physical form. Not just him, the entire team must basically be at a near peak physical condition and health. Tae has to exercise, he has to take care of himself, and he has to look great. I have to admit, I've noticed that "gay" men pay more attention to their looks than a normal, unshaven straight guy! (I'm basing this on a joke Adam Rippon once made where he apologized to his followers for looking like an "unshaved straight guy" after he'd just woken up)

What do I mean by that? I want to express the fact that the way you look and take care of your appearance and physical condition are not an indicator of sexuality!

As for the "I like you the most" statement, I'll admit that I've observed many people in many ways trying to use this statement to twist it into whatever those people wanted it to be, instead of taking it for what it actually was, especially since it appears to be something like a thorn in the sides of those who ship other ML pairings.

I'll be rather blunt here now, instead of beating around the bush.

I think this whole question is another attempt at ripping down the Vmin sails and belittling their bond and its possible implications once again.

If we remember how the scene played out, remember Jimin's reactions, his nervousness, how flustered he was, said that things are getting dangerous, and the fact that Taehyung's letter was only for Jimin's eyes. Is that really how "bros" behave? Just a couples of besties?

I doubt that normal best buddies on national TV would feel the need to write mystery letters just for a friend's eyes and tell each other that they like him the most? I'll say more, "boyfriends" don't force their lover to admit that he is copying him in his dance style, only friends do.

It is strange that this "copy" situation was "perceived" as highly romantic, and yet Taehyung's words to Jimin were relegated to "best friends only, nothing else".

However, it doesn't change the fact that Taehyung said what he said, he wrote 95z is love and Jimin confessed that he would love to spend his life with his lovely Taehyungie. Do "only best friends" (best friends that are straight) behave like this?

[caswellprmanager]

drawbridge

read it on ao3

Ship: Ricky Bowen/EJ Caswell

Summary: Snippets of EJ Caswell's life leading up to the mystery that is Ricky Bowen.

Notes: Hello. I decided to bite the bullet and post something here! This technically is in my Trans!EJ and Genderqueer!Ricky AU but I haven't properly written anything for it yet so consider this one to be the first official fic within that universe. Feel free to send some asks or other headcanons in my inbox about the AU! I'd love to hear what people think (but don't be unnecessarily mean. I will delete that very quickly.)

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert in all things transgender or genderqueer. I am writing from my own experience within the spectrum however so it's truthful to what I have been through, but will not represent everyone else's experiences. I also have friends within the spectrum who have given me great advice on how to go about these things but once again, it won't be accurate to everyone's experiences.

Warnings: Mentions of gender dysphoria, transphobia, and neglectful parents

People always told EJ that he had the picture perfect family.

His mom and dad were successful corporate lawyers, they lived in the wealthiest suburb in all of Salt Lake City, and he was the kind of child other parents would compare their own children to saying, "why can't you be more like EJ?"

But EJ knows that's farthest from the truth.

He doesn't have the picture perfect life or the paragon of White American families that people think they do. His parents are affectionate and supportive only when there are people around to comment on it. Most of the time, they're not even at home, leaving all of the child raising to their maids and other house servants. EJ spends more time at Ashlyn's house than he does at home because at least his aunt and uncle actually treat him like a son.

Because there are days his parents would forget they have a son. Sometimes they'd slip and call him their daughter, which makes EJ want to disappear from this world altogether. He supposes he should be grateful that they even bothered to pay for all the things he asked for — binders, testosterone shots, and regular visits to the doctor to check up on him throughout his transition. And he is grateful. He knows so many kids like him that can't even afford a decent sized binder without going bankrupt. He used to be that kid until he gathered up all his courage to come out to his parents.

But what they told him?

"Well, if you're gonna be our son, you will have to work twice as hard to make us proud now."

Yeah. It's a lot to process when you're 12 years old and scared shitless that you'd be disowned for "disrupting the natural order." But he figures things could be worse. So he sucks it up and vows to become the kind of son that his parents could truly brag about.

When EJ was a kid, he loved mysteries. His parents were the greatest mystery of them all. He's spent so much of his time trying to figure out what makes them happy, or angry, or sad. He's put the clues together and has a cork board of pictures and red string at the forefront of his mind whenever he so much as tries to interact with them. Soon, he sort of figured out what makes his parents smile at him — when EJ is excellent.

So, he became excellent at all kinds of sports, took up piano lessons, studied until his eyeballs burned with the lowlight of his desk lamp — all so that he could maybe get a pat on the back from his dad and a small smile from his mom. Their versions of "good job" or "keep it up." He drank that all in, craved it even, and worked his whole life until now to get even an iota of his parents' affection.

So, when he meets Ricky Bowen, the lanky and extremely clumsy skater who seems to live in the detention room, he was met with a brand new mystery to solve.

"Who's that?" EJ whispers into Nini's ear, who just seems to be irritated by the new person's presence.

"That's Ricky," she says with the barest hint of affection but with a whole lot of irritation. "My ex."

"Huh," He says, intrigued by the way Ricky's movements stutter like a half-finished stop motion film and how their wide doe eyes scan the room like — unironically — a deer in headlights. They looked nervous, confused, and all around terrified and EJ wants to reach out to them and tell them that this was a safe space. That they could be whoever they wanted to be in the theater.

He glances at Nini when Ricky starts singing a song that she seems to recognize. The immediate tensing of her shoulders and the way she subconsciously reaches out for EJ's hand for support tells him that this song... means something. Or meant something. EJ's not quite sure but he squeezes Nini's hand in silent reassurance, bringing himself to half-glare at the guitar playing skater just a few feet before him.

--

He met Nini during theater camp. A firecracker of talent with a voice that could melt the heart of even the coldest man on earth. She was beautiful in the spotlight and even more ethereal beneath the stars. She was kind, gentle, and a mystery that EJ solved quickly enough. She wore her heart on her sleeve despite it being broken because she believes that broken hearts can be mended with time and patience.

Nini was patient with him. She was patient with him when he took her up the little hill next to the campsite just to watch the stars on an old picnic blanket he stole from the camp counselors. She was patient with him when he couldn't keep up with the dance steps. Her hand was warm in his own and the flush of her palm by his neck was a grounding force that kept his head from going in the clouds.

She was especially patient with him when he took her to an empty tent and told her about his life. Nini was kind. Nini was patient. Nini was safe. And if she were to walk away and tell him that she wanted nothing to do with him after what he told her, he would have understood and learned to not associate kind brown eyes and ukulele calloused fingers to what could be barely described as home.

But she held his hand in her tinier ones, a smile on her face that radiated warmth that seeped into the depths of his soul, and told him that she was proud of him.

It was the first time that someone was proud of him... for just being him.

He cried into her arms that night, knowing he's got a lifelong friend within the kind brown eyes and ukulele calloused fingers of one Nini Salazar-Roberts.

--

"She thinks I'm a Chad?" He asks, less incredulously and more with a burning curiosity.

Nini rubs his arm comfortingly but he keeps staring at the cast list like it was going to burst into flames any second. "You're still a Troy understudy! You could still go on as him in one of the shows."

"Shows only run for three nights, Nini." He says with barely concealed frustration. Great. If he can't even get the role he was technically destined to play, how the hell is he going to explain himself to his parents?

You're not the lead? Oh, then we won't watch. If you're not onstage the whole time, why be there?

EJ grits his teeth and slowly brings his gaze to the person who has just taken away one more way for him to prove himself to his parents. Ricky Fucking Bowen, who stands there once again with their enormous brown eyes, gaping like a fish. EJ wants to deck them in the face. But Nini's hold on his arm grounds him back to reality and he lets out a long breath through his nose.

This is gonna be a long next few months.

--

"Look, I'm just trying to make the best out of a bad situation."

"Don't try," He ends up saying, still wiping at the blood caused by the basketball Ricky hit him with only moments ago. "It's painful to watch you do something you clearly don't want to do."

"What makes you think I don't want to do this?" Ricky asks with furrowed brows and EJ throws the wadded up tissue paper stained with his blood into the trash.

"You hated musicals before you auditioned. You landed the part of Troy without even fucking trying. And now you think you can get through rehearsals without fucking trying? It's tiring to work with someone who couldn't give two shits about this musical in the first place!" He says, every sentence rising in volume as he steps closer and closer to Ricky. "You also need to stay the fuck away from Nini."

Ricky scoffs then. "Why? Cause you're her boyfriend?"

"What? And you are?" He retaliates, which effectively makes Ricky click their mouth shut. EJ smirks. "Yeah. That's what I thought."

"Nini can choose whoever she wants to talk to." Ricky ends up saying with tense shoulders and a glare that could murder if EJ weren't already a person who doesn't fear death. "You can't tell me what to do."

"Well someone has to!" EJ throws his hands up in frustration, grabbing his jacket and zipping it up angrily. "Because you don't listen to Nini though, do you? Have you ever listened to her? Do you listen to anybody?"

"EJ I—"

"You better listen to me right now Ricky Bowen," he laces every syllable of Ricky's name with venom. "Stop trying to make things right. Stop trying to become a person you're not. If you actually cared about Nini or – god forbid – the musical, you'd stop trying and just get your shit together."

EJ doesn't even bother to look back at Ricky as he exits the bathroom, unaware of the look in Ricky's eyes when he walked away.

--

It isn't until Ricky approaches him one day after rehearsals that EJ was finally starting to unravel the mystery that was Ricky Bowen.

"Hey... EJ?" Ricky asks, looking at anywhere but at him and EJ would have been annoyed if it weren't for the way Ricky was holding themselves in front of him. They were tense, eyes glassy and unfocused whenever EJ caught a glance, and their fingers were gripping their bag straps so tightly that he was afraid Ricky was going to rip it apart if they weren't careful.

"Hey Ricky," He says with a softer voice than he's ever used with Ricky. "Is there something you need?"

Ricky's eyes dart around the still full rehearsal room, at the dangerously close proximity Miss Jenn was, at the stage managers that were just behind EJ who were reviewing the blocking notes, and finally at Nini who was engaged in a conversation with Carlos and Seb. Ricky's eyes lingered on Nini for a bit before they reluctantly settled on EJ's pristine white sneakers. "I would have normally asked Nini for this but – and you can say no by the way I'd completely understand – it's just..."

Ricky looks around again before leaning closer to EJ and shakily whispering, "Do you have any tampons?"

And just like that, the walls that were built around a certain Ricky Bowen were starting to crack. And EJ was allowed to see the smallest snippet of the kind of vulnerability that Ricky was capable of.

And it was the kind of vulnerability that he could relate to completely.

"My emergency stash is in my locker," He says, hastily packing up the rest of his things while Ricky continues to stand there dumbfounded. When EJ turns back to him with his own bag over his shoulder, he could see that there are a few unshed tears shining in Ricky's eyes. EJ softens for a second, knowing how difficult it must have been for Ricky to come to him for something so private.

"Come on. I'll even guard the bathroom for you." Ricky eventually follows him after a few seconds of just staring at his back and they fall in step around the corner. Ricky stays silent, fingers all fidgety and eyes still darting around like they'll be caught any second. EJ, instinctually, wraps a comforting arm around Ricky's shoulders. Ricky doesn't relax immediately but they do lean a little closer, somehow finding the weight of EJ's arm around them safe.

They eventually reach EJ's locker and Ricky smiles a bit because it's directly across from Sharpay's famous pink lockers. "Did you choose this spot specifically for Sharpay's lockers?"

EJ glances behind him and chuckles, rummaging through his stuff. "Oh yeah. If you say Ashley Tisdale three times in a row while touching her locker, you're guaranteed good fortune for at least a week."

Ricky looks at him with a smirk. "Have you tried that before?"

"Every year during finals week. I'm telling you, that shit works."

"Or maybe you're just really smart."

"Maybe," EJ says, finally locating his emergency stash of period essentials. "Or maybe it's just Ashley Tisdale bopping me to the top."

That's when Ricky lets out a laugh — an honest to god booming belly laugh that makes EJ pause just to stare at him. They look... nice like this. Without the worry lines and longing gazes at a girl who won't give them the time of day. They look just like a little kid, carefree and alive despite the world crumbling all around them, and EJ feels a weird surge of pride at being the person who made Ricky laugh like that.

He wants Ricky to laugh like that more. He wants to be the person who makes Ricky laugh like that more.

And so the walls around Ricky crack a little further, and the drawbridge is opened for one weary traveler to come in.

EJ doesn't notice the cracks on his own walls, nor the knowing little princess who watches from the east tower, smiling.

--

"Hey, what are your pronouns?"

Ricky doesn't look up from their practice skateboard, concentrating hard on their balance. "I don't have any. I'm just Ricky." They look up though, giving EJ a warm smile. "But go ahead and use any pronouns with me. I don't mind if it's you."

"So would you mind if I call you your majesty?"

EJ doesn't miss the flush on Ricky's cheeks at that and definitely doesn't miss the way they say "I'd like that very much." with the barest hint of embarrassment.

"Okay," EJ says with his chin propped up in his hands. "Your majesty."

Ricky falls off of their practice skateboard then, soon glaring up at a cackling EJ still with a blushing face.

--

EJ forgot his binder today.

And his body loved reminding him every time he took a step.

Thankfully, there wasn't going to be water polo practice today and he could get away with wearing multiple layers to school. But even with the sports bra, the t-shirt, the sweatshirt, and the letterman jacket doing a good job at making his chest look flat, he still felt his skin crawl looking at the mirror. His jeans hugged him a little too tightly, forcing him to notice the still feminine curve of his hips. His sports bra was a tad smaller than the last time he wore it, so the pinch at his chest doubled in size.

EJ resolved that he was not going to have a good day today.

But today was tech rehearsals and he couldn't ditch that. He was starting to really enjoy rehearsals now that he and Ricky are on good terms. Even the stage managers ask him to hang out with them time to time outside of rehearsals. EJ actually felt like... he really belonged somewhere now. And he wasn't going to let this ruin it for him. Not today.

"Hey EJ," He heard Nini say to him as he got out of his car. "What's with all the layers? It's pretty hot today."

"It's one of those days, Neens." He says with a heavy sigh and Nini just grabs his hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Ricky rolls up to them two seconds later, their head suspiciously missing a helmet.

"How many times do I have to tell you to wear a helmet when you're skateboarding, Ricky?" EJ tries to scold the junior despite this weirdly overwhelming fondness growing inside of him every time he even looks at Ricky now.

"Haven't gotten into an accident yet," Ricky shrugs, smiling politely at Nini and changing it into a cocky little smirk the second they look at EJ.

"Yet being the operative word here," EJ rolls his eyes and opens his trunk for Ricky to stash his board in for later. "I won't drive you to the hospital if you end up getting a concussion for not wearing a helmet."

"Yes you will." Ricky says, knocking their shoulders together. "You love me!"

EJ freezes for a bit but before he could even respond, Ricky is already catching up to Big Red and Gina, waving back at EJ and Nini with a wide grin. EJ stares at him for a few seconds, not quite sure how to process the last few moments, until Nini waves a hand in front of his face.

"Hello? Earth to EJ?"

"Huh?"

"Care to share with the class what's going on?" The little smirk on her lips says it all and EJ was not going to fall for that.

"Nope. There's nothing to share."

"Mhm," She says, looping her arm around EJ as soon as he closed his trunk. "Of course there isn't, EJ." Nini pretends not to see EJ staring at Ricky as they walk into school. EJ pretends to not notice that she's pretending to not see EJ pretending to not overtly stare at Ricky.

Besides, EJ has gotten pretty good at pretending.

--

Aaaannndd that's it for now. I hope you guys liked that! I really enjoyed exploring trans!ej and genderqueer!ricky through this au and it means a lot to me. Maybe next time I'll write something in ricky's pov but for now thanks for reading !!

[petalbrooke]

ace fic ace fic!

I want to thank @runawayface for inspiring me to write some ace content and actually post it! This is a very short and self-indulgent fic where Elliott discovers he’s ace - I have a lot of headcannons around that possibility and maybe I’ll dig into them one day.

Here is the link if you want to give me kudos/comments on ao3, which are always appreciated, and the full fic is below.

Thanks for reading :)

Elliott had wanted desperately to fall in love. He’d read and written about it in so many ways, had seen it in blossom like flowers in the couples around him, but had yet to experience it – truly experience it. The heady feeling of falling for another, of long nights and early mornings with that person by his side. Of years and years of getting to know them better than he knew himself. In a town comprised of about thirty or so people, half of which were married or otherwise committed, Elliott had always thought that it wouldn’t happen to him.

At least, until the new farmer rolled into town.

Everyone was interested when they heard the local farm was being taken over by the previous owner’s granddaughter. A new face would be interesting under any circumstances, but one who was going to transform the weed-ridden farm? Well, that was something else entirely. He hadn’t met her until about a week after she’d moved in, when she’d gone to visit Willy at the docks. Elliott had been on the docks, bare feet dangling over the side as he scratched out several lines from a poem he was trying to write.

“Are you… Willy?” the woman had asked, hesitating outside the door that would actually take her to Willy. Elliott was immediately struck by her appearance – chestnut hair she had pulled back in a messy bun, dirt streaked on her slightly burnt face that matched the hue of her eyes. She was, he supposed, beautiful, though not in the same way as the heroines he often read about.

“No,” he laughed, gesturing towards Willy’s home. “He’s in there. My name is Elliott, and I live in that little ramshackle shack on the beach. You must be Elona, the new farmer?”

She beamed, and Elliott tried to imagine how he would write her if she was someone in his novel. He’d make sure to mention that slight gap in her front teeth, and the way her cheeks flushed when she smiled. Or perhaps that was the sunburn the work on the farm must have given her.

“That’s me. Well, it was nice to meet you. I really need to talk to Willy, but… I’ll see you around?”

“I hope so.” Elliott returned to his poem, changing one phrase five times until finally settling on the one he had originally chosen. Later – he wasn’t sure how much later, but the back of his neck had started to feel rather toasty – she had emerged, a new fishing pole in hand, and had joined him. They sat in companionable silence, each occasionally asking the other a question, until dark.

This was how it had all begun. Elona would come by every day, usually just after noon, with some products from her farm and fishing rod in tow. They would sit and talk and Elliott found himself craving every moment he would get with her – every minute spent with her was the best of that day. Afternoons turned into evenings turned into nights, and Elliott was finally beginning to understand the feelings of the characters in those romance novels he so loved.

Well. He was understanding most of them. There was one aspect he still didn’t understand was hoping might change with time, and it was the… intimacy aspect. He’d always tiptoed around the idea, even in his novels; all his knowledge had come from other authors and not from experience. After months of time together, he felt sure he loved her. Reasonably sure. What else would this feeling in his chest be, his desire to spend his life with her? To grow old with her? But there was still one thing – the marriage bed – that he couldn’t figure out how to navigate. (Well, not always the marriage bed, but he’d always been a bit of a traditionalist.)

He’d always thought that the swell of desire would come when he fell in love. That was always how it seemed to work in the novels. Sometimes it even came first. But even with Elona, even with everything he felt about her – he just couldn’t see beyond the fact that she was pretty. Elliott could tell when a person was attractive, objectively speaking. But it didn’t make him feel anything. He thought it would come with the right person. But Elona felt right in every way, and still, nothing.

She hadn’t brought it up yet, and neither had he, but tonight was the night, he had decided. It wouldn’t be fair if she had expectations he couldn’t meet. Or perhaps he was just completely broken, and could never love, not the way he was supposed to.

They were having dinner that night, at his cabin. Not homecooked – Elliott was never meant to be a chef – but seafood from the Saloon on his own plates worked just as well. It was quiet dinner, and Elliott’s hands betrayed his nervousness.

After three unfruitful attempts at conversation, Elona slammed her fork on the table, startling Elliott. “What’s wrong? You’ve been acting strange all night. Barely talking, you’ve hardly touched your lobster, and I know that’s your favorite.”

Elliott glanced at the aforementioned lobster, unable to meet her steady gaze. “Yes, well, there was… there was something I wanted… something I needed to talk to you about.” He took a deep breath, suddenly at a loss for words, despite having rehearsed it endless times. “I don’t think I can be what you need me to be,” he said, the words tumbling out, unbidden.

Elona’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. Clearly, whatever she’d expected him to say, this hadn’t been it. “What… what do you think I need?” she asked.

Elliott cleared his throat. Yoba, why was this so hard to say? “I don’t think I can… I mean, you’re beautiful, and I hope you know that, but I’m not… I don’t feel…” he stammered, unsure how to say what he wanted without wounding her. That it wasn’t her, it was him, it was that he couldn’t make himself feel that attraction he thought all couples had.

Her eyes softened, and she reached out and took his hand in her own, her fingers small and rough from hard labor. “Elliott, honey, I think I know what you’re trying to say.”

“You do?”

“Unless I’m wrong – and I rarely am,” she laughed, “you’re trying to tell me you don’t feel any sexual attraction towards me. Is that right?”

Elliott could feel heat creeping to his cheeks with how outright she was about it. “I, um, I…”

“And let me guess,” she continued, giving him a knowing smile and a reassuring squeeze. “You’ve never really figured this out about yourself and you feel broken. You see what everyone else has and you don’t understand why you don’t.”

“Yes,” he whispered. He could feel tears forming behind his eyes, though he couldn’t explain why.

“Honey, that just means you’re asexual. Or somewhere on that spectrum. It’s fine.”

“What… I don’t…” Elliott’s head was spinning. He’d never heard the term before, though he could figure out what it meant. “You mean… it’s okay?”

“More than okay,” she said, giving him that huge smile, the one that reminded him of the rays of the sun. “I was going to talk about this with you soon, because I wasn’t sure. But it had never come up, and I was nervous to be the one to do it… I’m the same way. I don’t feel that kind of attraction. But I still feel love. And I love you.”

The tears flew unbidden now, though he was smiling as they did. “So… so it’s okay?” he asked again, not quite able to believe it.

Elona stood and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “More than okay. Let’s finish dinner up and we can talk about it some more.”

Elliott swept her tiny frame into a massive hug, so overcome he was with emotion. He had agonized over this conversation, had been so sure it would lead to the loss of this woman he loved, and instead it had proven that nothing was wrong with him, with them. He was whole. They both were.

Never had he been more excited for his future.