#but it’d be based mostly on speculation so I’d feel bad for writing it

[where-did-the-groove-go]

On Sparks and Asexuality.

National Crime Asexual Awareness Week last week seemed a pretty good excuse to ignore my other obligations and force myself to sit down and start writing the essay post I promised to you all back when I started my blog...

First, a brief bit of backstory on my relationship with this topic. I’m writing from my experience as a sex-repulsed, heteroromantic asexual, who, up until recently, had only ever met 3 other asexuals. Enter the Sparks fandom. I now know 6 asexual Sparks fans, if I’m counting myself! I realize there could be other factors at play regarding the demographics of Tumblr and Instagram users, but nevertheless, there seems to be a disproportionately large aspec population in this fandom. And so it begs the question: why are there so many asexual fans of this band? Or perhaps more specifically: why are there so many asexual fans of a band for which it’s a running joke that “every Sparks song is about sex”???

Despite the joke, sex songs hardly constitute the majority of Sparks’ music. Indeed, there are plenty of Sparks songs that aren’t remotely related to sex or love or relationships (185, if you’re counting, apparently), and I think this is a large part of why people on the ace spectrum seem to particularly enjoy Sparks. Especially for those who are aromantic, I’m sure it’s frustrating that love is the most-written-about subject in popular music, and refreshing to find songs outside of this norm. Personally I’ve never minded love songs since I can still relate to them, but even for me, romance and heartbreak haven’t been frequent experiences. Why listen to songs about those somewhat foreign topics when you could be listening to songs about Albert Einstein or lawnmowers or inadvertently buying the BBC?!

That’s not to say that Ron doesn’t like writing about relationships, because clearly he does—but he almost always defies the normal conventions of doing so. Frequently it seems that he writes from the perspective of an outsider, which I think is something that those of us on the ace spectrum can connect with strongly. In many songs, the narrator is the guy who never gets the girl (“Lots of Reasons”, “Ugly Guys with Beautiful Girls”, “Equator”, “Johnny Delusional”, etc.), often due to no fault of his own. If that doesn’t describe the asexual experience, I don’t know what does—there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with us, we still crave love though for some of us it may be platonic rather than romantic, but we’re rejected because we’re misunderstood. Songs about failed relationships are also prominent (“B.C.”, “Dick Around”, “Tits”, etc.), but they aren’t really about heartbreak; they might be written in the first person, but they aren’t personal. Again, this creates a sense of alienation that I think asexuals often feel regarding the whole subject of sex/love/romance/relationships. The relationships in the songs are just used as a means of telling a larger story, which the listener is watching from the outside—and that’s a very familiar place for me to be, constantly an observer to my friends’ relationship drama rather than a participant.

And then of course there’s the cynical view of love represented in “I Can’t Believe That You Would Fall for All the Crap in This Song”, and the ace/aro anthem “Eaten by the Monster of Love”... At the end of the day, I think most people find more meaning in songs that reflect their own lives, and for us ace folk, I think Ron’s approach to writing about relationships resonates with us more so than the depictions of relationships in mainstream music. 

But in my opinion, there’s another reason that asexuals seem to be drawn to Sparks’ music, a reason that’s even more important than the things I’ve mentioned so far: the sex songs. Yeah, you read that right. Because maybe not every Sparks song is about sex, but... clearly Ron likes writing about sex, too, so I don’t think it’s something that can be overlooked, and while it may seem ironic on the surface, I think that the sex songs compel me, as an asexual, to enjoy Sparks MORE rather than less. 

I don’t know if Ron intentionally tries to save his catchiest tunes for the sex songs or if it just works out that way, but I can’t deny that the likes of “Amateur Hour”, “Missionary Position”, and “Good Morning” are some of my favorites in the Sparks discography. And that drove me insane at first. I realize that sex is a normal and healthy and enjoyable thing for most people, but considering that I personally want no part of it, I still usually try to avoid sex in the media that I consume. I even attribute this as being one of the reasons why I prefer music from the 20th century over whatever my peers listen to, because back then songwriters typically relied on innuendo… innuendo is a lot less uncomfortable for me than the explicit sexual references that have become increasingly common in contemporary popular music, since it’s a lot easier to distance myself from it and thus frame sex in a more positive context, and at least I can appreciate a clever metaphor! And while the aforementioned Sparks songs have some of the best metaphors ever, they’re still VERY obviously about sex. Yet here I was, continuing to listen to these songs because for some reason, the fact that they were about sex wasn’t turning me off from them.

At first I figured that I was just able to overlook the lyrical content of these songs because the music was so infectious, and I’ve never been one to focus on lyrics much anyway. But the longer I listened to Sparks, the more I came to the realization that I also enjoyed the lyrics to these songs, precisely because they were about sex—because they put sex in a context that I’m able to comprehend. Much like the songs about relationships I mentioned earlier, Sparks’ sex songs seem more concerned with the larger story and social commentary of the situations they portray, the outside perspective, rather than with sexual desire or the physical aspects of the act of sex. I think Ron said it best himself in a 1977 interview: “I think there’s a slightly asexual sensibility… I take a more intellectual—as opposed to body approach to what I do.”

So Sparks’ sex songs may be blunt, but I don’t mind them since they’re not graphic, and I can actually understand them since the baffling notion of lust isn’t involved… and on top of that they’re downright funny. Asexuals may not be able to understand sexual desire, but we can certainly understand humor! Even if it is sexual in nature, and even if we’re sex-repulsed! And frankly I’d argue that the humor in question isn’t even all that sexual, it’s more down to Sparks’ penchant for subverting expectations. There’s something undeniably amusing about the plight of the guy who can’t remember anything about his one-night stand, or of the pubescent boy who naturally isn’t a pro when having sex for the first time, if only because these aren’t what you’d expect in your typical song about sex. And a sex song written from the point of view of the sperm, just wanting to fulfill their biological purpose, of all things!

In all of these scenarios, Sparks play around with the conception that sex is a Big Deal. Again, this puts sex on a level that I can comprehend—because I still have a hard time believing that anything about sex culture is actually genuine, that the way most allosexuals talk and brag about sex isn’t full of lies, that all of the confusing and elaborate and almost ritualistic social behaviors surrounding sex aren’t just frivolous. Sparks songs are so real, so objective, so human about sex…  they don’t make it any less meaningful, but the humor and lightheartedness removes it from this weird exalted position that it seems to hold. What a pity that sex culture has trained us that this isn’t what we’re supposed to expect in a song about sex, because it’s an appropriate silliness with which to approach a topic that feels, to me, like a massive inside joke that I haven’t been let in on.

“Missionary Position” defies conventions too, because, as the lyrics say, “the acrobats, well they tend to scoff”—according to the confusing social rules, no one in their right mind would be singing the praises of unadventurous sex. This is one of those often-overlooked moments of sincerity in the Sparks catalogue that I say separates out the fans who truly get Sparks and the ones that don’t, because apparently some people think there’s a catch to this song. Why is being ‘vanilla’ considered a bad thing? This is clearly a healthy relationship and both partners are clearly happy, so why do they need to be doing anything differently? This song’s take on sex is so overwhelmingly positive and down-to-earth that I can only describe it as ‘wholesome’. A round of applause for you, Mael bros, you’ve just made a sex-repulsed asexual describe sex portrayal in media as ‘wholesome’.

“All You Ever Think About Is Sex” is a particularly interesting one to me. If you take it at face value, it’s humorous: both the outrageous situations that the narrator and his partner find themselves in, and the plot-twist that the narrator doesn’t mind that their relationship is solely based around sex (because even allosexuals seem to think that this isn’t very meaningful). However, I’ve always interpreted this song as being EXTREMELY satirical. While the narrator is alright with having a purely physical relationship (or at least says he is), I doubt the author agrees, because the lines “In a world of lovers, we don’t love each other much / Fact is, we’re too busy to love each other much” suggest that ‘making love’ isn’t love at all—a sentiment which is echoed in “More Than a Sex Machine”. Asexuals are well aware that love/romance and sexual attraction aren’t the same thing and don’t necessarily coexist, but allos seem to have a hard time grasping this. To see this view expressed in pop music is validating, to say the least! What’s also cool about this song is that depending on how far you want to read into the satire, either the narrator and his partner agree that they just want a casual relationship; there’s no criticism because there are no expectations beyond this, and sex is treated as a very mundane thing… or the line “Alright with me” is ironic; the narrator is disillusioned because sex is the most important thing in his relationship, and it isn’t the love he was looking for. Either way, it implies that sex shouldn’t be as hyped-up as it is.

There are obviously more songs I could analyze, but this has already been an over-long answer to get my point across: the way that Sparks discuss sex in their songs—an intellectual discussion, poking fun at the seriousness and importance with which society regards sex, emphasizing the need for an emotional connection in a loving relationship—attracts me and likely other asexuals to their music because it’s relatable for us. I may love songs like “Come On Eileen” for the melody but I’ll never be able to fully understand the lyrics, whereas with Sparks I can enjoy the songs for 100% of their worth.

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[maybankiara]

I read your tags about why you thought you shipped specific ships and now I kinda need to know your opinion of why someone would ship the various characters on obx lol

OH THIS IS A GOOD ONE. ok let me get my analysis gloves on!!

sarah and john b - i feel like this is kind of a given? they’re a canon couple and people tend to ship that. i think it’s one of those couples that you just kind of accept, or at least that’s what i’ve seen everyone do. they’re cute enough. but if you go into the issues of each character, you see how both of them aren’t the best people, and they do kind of fit together in a bad way. but honestly, they’re just basic. 

kiara and jj - this is one of the biggest ones, and i’ve noticed that a lot of people who ship it come from teen wolf or the 100 fandom, both of which have a hetero ship that has seasons of buildup. (arguably for bellarke, as they are still not together, but the development is there). i feel like the reason why people like slow burning ships is because it’s a lot like real life. you get to know a person and you fall in love, and it has a long-lasting foundation. i’d even say it’s what most of us hope to have - a love that’s built on friendship over lust. plus, slow burns usually make for great storytelling, if done well, and could be a great addition to obx. now, this is my analysis, but then again, my little sister watched two episodes and she said they’ll end up together, so i guess there’s more to it that i’m not currently able to uncover. plus, on a storytelling level, it would be incredible to see both jj and kiara grow as people, be with others, and then once they are both in a healthy mindset, realising that they are into each other as more than just a childish crush. for them, i think, it’s mostly the potential of a great story and rudy just having chemistry with everything that walks.

jj and pope - rudy and jd. i said it. these two have incredible chemistry and they bounce off each other in a way that most other pairings in obx don’t. i feel like there’s also a slight aspect of “let’s ship bc it’s gay” for some people, too. it’s also the friends to lovers trope, but i think this one is almost exclusively because of the actors and the characters’ dynamics. 

kiara and pope - surprisingly, i haven’t come across many people who ship these two. i feel like that’s mostly because of the audience being shown that kiara likes john b and then a few episodes later, she’s kissing pope. still, it’s a semi-canon ship (can you count one kiss at the very end of a season with little build up as canon?) and i think a lot of people just go “huh, okay” and don’t think much about it. but they’re both intelligent, and could be a power couple, and i guess a lot of people like them together because it’s unpredictable, almost. 

kiara and sarah - again, the chemistry, for the most part, and some of the writing/acting. there were a few hints to kiara having a thing for sarah back in her kook year, and it would be a cute take on the enemies to lovers trope. plus, i think it would be a story a lot of people could relate to - falling in love with your best friend and not knowing how to deal with it, especially when it’s a same sex friend. if it had a happy ending, it’d be a nice story and it would mean a lot to people. actually, the same goes for jj and pope, come think of it.

sarah and topper - i loved them the first few episodes, until i realised topper is an overly protective boyfriend with anger issues to the point of being dangerous to sarah. but i do believe that there’s some part of people who would like someone to love them the way topper loves sarah, to be so protective, or to have them wrapped around their little finger. topper would do anything sarah would ask him to, and doesn’t that sound nice? it’s a bad thing, but a lot of people go for relationships like these because they offer them a sense of security, even if they’re unhealthy.

kiara and rafe - i think people ship this one mostly because of kie’s kook year and the fact that everything points to rafe being a part of it? they have an interesting dynamic, and if they ever intend on making rafe either a proper villain or give him redemption, him having something with kie could be a great way of deepening his character. plus, the idea of the bad boy being soft for the main female character is a much beloved trope. it gives the illusion that even the bad guys, the unhinged ones, the ones we should keep away from, can be changed and soft and different when in love. it’s a common trope. it’s a trope that leaves thousands of girls with unhealthy expectations and broken hearts, but you know. (bonus: the bad boy/good girl is definitely it. even little preteens, like my sisters, are susceptible to it.)

bonus round

kiara and topper - this one is my favourite, and i don’t really think people ship it, but i think it could easily be the most interesting pairing, both for the narrative and for the characters’ respective arcs. they could be each other’s way of getting over their prejudices, their unhealthy ways of coping with things and the way they feel about themselves, and narrative could support this incredibly easily. it’s based in speculation but man, i’m going down with this ship.

honourable mentions

jj and topper - i’ve seen this circulate? honestly no clue, except that it’d be an interesting dynamic

jj and rafe - imagine the hate sex. they’re two sides of the same coin and i think it’s the potential explosive dynamic that draws people in

rafe and barry - i’m gonna say it: drew starkey and rudy pankow both have chemistry with anything that walks. this is mostly for the scene in which rafe confides in barry, and their dynamic

rafe and topper - best friends to lovers extravaganza. again, drew’s chemistry.

honestly, i might be completely off with some (or all) of these, but i’d love to hear why people ship specific pairings!! i know there’s a lot of psychological analysis that could go into this, and i’ve read somewhere that the pairings we like actually mean something, just like the characters we like, but i haven’t really researched into it so i wouldn’t go really deep into this analysis and say it’s fact. but it’s definitely something that’s often on my mind and i love exploring it.

[psychic-refugee]

Sometimes I get basic and like to read gossip.

So, there’s this thread going about that mainly focuses on Dove Cameron.

https://prettyuglylittleliar.net/topic/3903-dove-cameron/?page=37

I cannot and do not make any claims to the validity of the thread’s contents.

This is all internet gossip from an anonymous “set employee” who does not name themselves. Please take this with a grain of salt. I do not necessarily believe this gossip, and I write about it mostly for entertainment purposes. Remember, this is the internet, anyone can make up anything. Whatever you happen to believe is true is based solely on your own preconceptions and biases, as nothing is substantiated, and it all amounts to hearsay.

Please also remember that any anecdote is solely from one person’s point of view. A point of view they are expressing behind the back of said celebrity who is not given a chance to defend themselves nor have they put forth their version of events.  

It does not paint her in a flattering light. It literally goes on for 61 pages of mostly people ragging on her plastic surgery (“PS”). I am not a plastic surgeon, so I cannot 100% say what she has gotten done, but as a layperson and from my own opinion, I would suspect that she has had fillers (specifically for her lips), a nose job, and something done to her cheeks. I do agree with that she looks vastly different in each movie, with more work done as time progresses. I’ve also seen her stint on Shameless and bearing in mind that she was 15/16 vs 19/20, I still think she had a lot of work done. I don’t think her transformation can be brushed off as losing baby fat or growing into her looks.   

I’m not super offended by PS. There’s this notion that celebrities maintain this impossible standard, but I think it goes both ways. The public isn’t interested in flaws. They want and even demand perfection from their idols. Fans are quick to “cancel” people or they move on to the next hot new thing. It’s kind of a destructive co-dependent relationship. Like honestly, how many celebrities would you “stan” if you didn’t find them attractive? And what do we find attractive? How quick are people to point out flaws in candid photos? I’m not saying everyone does this, but it’s enough to be pervasive in celebrity culture and I think it’s unfair to try to say it doesn’t exist or to not acknowledge the extreme pressure celebrities are under. The thread itself is an example of it. It’s mostly people ragging on Dove about how bad they think she looks now.

No one is famous without our permission and I have yet to see anyone boost anyone who wasn’t at least conventionally good looking. If they are selling an impossible standard, we are the ones buying it.

So, no. I do not find PS all that problematic in itself. I will agree there is something disingenuous about going on about self-love while heavily filtering/photoshopping pictures on top of PS.

But I also find it disingenuous to talk about body dysmorphia or the mental health dangers of PS and then rag on someone and speculate about every PS they may have had.

Pot, meet kettle.

People bring up that young people look up to her and while I agree that she does have great influence, I just don’t know if it’s really her (or any celebrities’) responsibility to be a good role model. A human is a human, is a human, right? No one person is ever going to be perfect and while they may do something admirable in one part of their life, that doesn’t mean they have to be admirable in every part of their life. That’s another impossible standard fans put on celebrities. I think we should all critically think when giving our time, attention, energy, etc…to anyone. Learning how to critically think is a parent’s job. My mother specifically raised me without celebrity magazines and to take into account what they do and say, and to be skeptical of anything anyone tries to sell me.

Why is it a celebrities’ job to be a third parent?

They’re only responsible for what they do, you’re responsible for what you do.

Holding celebrities accountable for false things they say or try to hock is different. Example, if X celebrity says that this specific tea or vitamin is what they owe their beauty and success to when really it’s the lifestyle they can afford and genetics. Then yes, point out that what they’re selling is snake oil and a lie or just don’t buy it. At some point we have to take personal responsibility for what we consume. Or if these are impressionable young people, then hold their parents accountable as well. If they’re so young, then they’re not buying this stuff, their parents are. And we should take into account what celebrities associate themselves with. I think it’s telling if a person literally doesn’t care what they sell as long as they make money. If someone is willing to sell you dangerous laxatives and call it a diet, that should clue you in on how much they respect their fans and you should rethink giving them your money.

Again, the celebrity is just the spokesperson/seller. It’s up to us to actually research and determine if what they’re selling is worth it or safe. It’s also up to us to figure out if the celebrity uses their fame wisely. If no to either, then it’s also up to us to keep admiring them or not. Celebrities tend to change their tune if their money is threatened.    

I feel like Dove’s PS in itself is a non-issue. Whatever pic of herself that she posts on Insta or any surgery she admits to is her own business. How I react and what I spend my money on is my business. I do not buy into her proclamations of self-love, I do not buy into her vitamins, I do not buy into the highlight reel of the life she’s trying to portray. I see her for what she is: a celebrity. No more, no less.

I am interested in the reports of her diva behavior. Throwing fits, stealing from set, and yelling at set employees does give a bigger picture of her as a person. And it also helps shatter the illusion of a perfect, happy, person. I don’t want to demonize her, but it is good to humanize celebrities. I do think people should take into account how celebrities treat people that are their subordinates.

I don’t think anyone is so talented or famous that they should be given a pass to be a monster to people.

Dove is not so unique in looks or talent where she can’t be replaced.  

There were implications that she is struggling with an eating disorder, it kind of fed into why she may be getting all this PS and the types of photos she takes for Insta. I also wonder if it explains (not excuses) her behavior. She’s probably constantly hungry!

They also alleged that she had been taken “illegal” diet pills. The illegal part might be relative, because the commenter mentioned it may have been Hydroxycut. In the States, it’s an over the counter diet supplement that is mostly just a high dose of caffeine and some herbs. It’s not like an upper or some prescription. Hydroxycut is legal in the States and she probably just brought it over with her. I don’t think it’s a controlled substance, merely just banned for sale in Canada. I’d be more worried that she’s taking it with other stimulants like coffee and soda.

There’s also allegations that she had been cheating on her former fiancé with Thomas during filming of Descendant’s 2, while Thomas also was in another relationship. These things happen, they’re human. It’s a personal issue they should deal with. I wouldn’t want either as a significant other in light of it, but that’s about it. I would be weary of anyone who has an affair as potential mates. If they’ll cheat with you, chances are they’ll cheat on you. But I’m never going to date either of them, so it’s not really my place to judge.

Another tidbit that came from the thread that I’m interested in is Mitchell Hope’s alleged drug use. The comments didn’t specify what he was on, only that he seemed “strung out.” So, if I were making a bet, then it’d be on him to write a tell-all book. I’m pretty jaded on the fact that there are drug addled teen stars. I think it’s just par for the course. Disney makes sure they have a clean image while making and promoting the movies, they literally will protect and pay for good coverage. But once that protection is over then everything comes to light. Mitchell isn’t even really the most famous of the stars for Descendants. He hasn’t really done anything worth noting outside of Descendants. It looks like he has a role in a Netflix Christmas rom-com coming out, but again nothing to really be too impressed with.

I don’t see him lasting long if he’s already showing up to work high. Money goes quick between jobs, especially if you’re blowing it on drugs. There’s also an allegation of hooking up with a set employee. I don’t see anything wrong in terms of two consenting adults, but it’s bad form professional wise. It’s especially in poor taste if he’s 1) obvious about it and 2) makes it public knowledge that it’s just a hook up. Have your fun and all but be discreet and classy about it. Otherwise you’re burning bridges. I think she’ll have more issues than he would, which is why discretion should have been practiced. Like even if he had no intention of getting into a relationship with her, at least respect your partner enough to not endanger their livelihood. But I guess she’ll live and learn.

I was glad to see that Cameron really wasn’t mentioned, at least not in terms of anything bad like diva behavior. He was implicated in stealing items from the set (like costume pieces) but the commenter used the universal “everyone,” so they didn’t outright name him like with Dove and Sofia, so they may have been hyperbolic. Otherwise they said he was always nice, which is good to hear.

I saw a post from another blog asking their opinion about Cameron being friends with Dove despite the behavior alleged in the thread. I want to say that I think their friendship is over conflated. Most of their interactions have been for promos/BTS for Descendants. I don’t think I recall ever seeing them hang together on a purely platonic level, not like he did with Sophie and Karan.

I think people, mostly kids, want to see their movie best friends be best friends in real life. I feel like all the promo stuff insinuated that they all LOVED each other, and they all got along ALL THE TIME. I think most people know that there’s never an instance where literally every person in a large group gets along all the time. They might be cordial and polite to them to be professional, and I think we need to remember that the cast are co-workers.

We also have to remember that they’re young and want to do well in the industry. They won’t want to get a reputation of being difficult or even a snitch. So, while Cameron may or may not have liked Dove that deeply on a personal level, I’ve always felt he was the utmost professional. He’s not going to antagonize her or call her out unless she did something super egregious like hit someone (and maybe not even then, I did not know him personally). From the thread, Dove threw tantrums and yelled at people, none of that warrants risking his reputation for. Even the original poster of the thread wouldn’t give out their name for fear of reprimand and possible legal action. On some level, they too do not think it’s worth calling Dove out for any real consequences.

They’re willing to gossip about it, but they’re not willing to give actual credibility to their story.

When his manager was indicted, he immediately fired him. I think that speaks to his character and if Dove had done something truly heinous, he would have stood up to her.

We also have to remember that it’s possible that this entire thread in terms of Dove’s behavior might be completely made up. We have nothing to go on besides this one person’s account, and we have no idea who this person is. Literally anyone can create a username, open a thread account, and say “I work for X company and I had Y position with Z celebrity.” I can’t verify any of that. One person can also make dozens of accounts, say they’re different people, and try to tell the same story. Again, that doesn’t make any of it true. Even if we took their account as true, we only have their side of the story.

I would never judge Cameron or the others on who they’re friends with based on salacious gossip.

[ganymedesclock]

Compiling for the meme. Also I want to say as an aro/ace person, for “hotness level” I will merely be evaluating character aesthetics and how appealing I find them, since otherwise everyone would be solidly reading “meh”.

Since these got super long, I’m splitting these up and doing all Voltrons, and then all TFA asks.

@a-trolli​ said:  for the character ask, lotor of course!

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

Me, Clockie Radioactivesupersonic, loving Lotor as a character???? The very idea. 

In less mocking news I’ve been pretty much consistently excited about Lotor since pre-s2. I kid you not- my earliest meta on the subject was analyzing the “Weblum Galra” (Acxa’s s2e9 appearance) from the s2 trailer and speculating that was either Lotor or an agent thereof. I did a comic about it. 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Whether or not you agree with every decision of VLD’s writing, it’s visually gorgeous and Lotor is no exception. VLD’s offering of Lotor is easily one of my aesthetic favorites- the DDP design is a good contender and the classic poncho is an interesting statement, but, ultimately, the sleek blue-black armor, the added volume to his hair, even personalizing touches like those electric blues and the curl of hair next to his face are very nice touches. The “Mulan” strand in particular does a nice job adding a sense of youthfulness to his design, and AJ LoCascio does such a good job giving him this rolling, statesman’s eloquence. 

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Lotor’s a raven who makes occasional passes at imitating a snake, methinks. He values power and loyalty, can be brash in certain situations, and is quite diligent, but, ultimately what Lotor respects the most is the pursuit of knowledge. Basically every time Lotor’s overcome a wall, it’s because when the going got hard, he hit the books. Given he started studying Altea towards his exile, it raises the clear implication that he responded to feeling bereaved and alone by seeking more information, and used that information to build a sense of belonging.

best quality:

Probably his sense of strategic observation, opportunism, and ambush tactics. It’s just a real delight to watch an effective strategist, especially one like Lotor where he’s not quite a villain so you can actually root for his plans to succeed.

worst quality: 

I mean, the part where he keeps ending up alone after his interpersonal connections spectacularly self-destruct and he cuts them off out of fear, but that’s not exactly mostly on him, now is it HAGGAR.

ship them with: 

Primarily Allura.

brotp them with: 

Did you know that before s4 I had a pet theory that Lotor had met the Generals when they all were children and they’d grown up together. I still think about that. 

needs to stay away from:

beep beep, Honerva it’s child protection services and they’re not impressed with your bullshit excuses about the rift.

misc. thoughts:

I don’t have a lot since I tend to just aggressively pour my Lotor thoughts right into the tag but just once I want to see Lotor get frustrated by something and have a frustrated huff that flutters his single forelock.

@thenorthernphoenix​ said:  For that character thing you're doing: Lance

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

MY BOY.

I genuinely deeply love Lance. And not just because I genuinely deeply love Heart aspect characters in general. He totally blindsided me as far as VLD characters- I latched hard onto Keith and Pidge first, then Shiro. Lance took a long, hard time growing on me! (I love Hunk and Allura too, they just didn’t do time as my Reigning Fave before Lotor stole that particular crown)

Which I think is kinda hilarious, since, uh, well, Lance is probably the character out of VLD I think I have the most in common with, and I think leaping to the notion that the rest of the cast is just a little more interesting than Lance is a very Lance thing to do.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

I stand by what I said with Lotor, VLD is a nicely designed show, and Lance is cute. You wanna ruffle his hair. I’d say he doesn’t have any particularly striking or eye-catching features. A lot of his appeal as a character is less his physical features or clothing and more the body language with which he wears those things.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Of the Hogwarts headcanons I’ve posted this is one people often fight me on and I think this is because of a differentiation- I think people often sort characters based on who’s good at the particular House’s virtue, and not what they value. Knowledge takes many forms, and Ravenclaw isn’t obligatorily the domain of the most erudite- that would be pursuing a single, narrow facet of knowledge which doesn’t exactly speak to the wisest.

To me, Lance is a Ravenclaw because he’s motivated heavily by curiosity. He’s earnestly fascinated by people, by the world, by situations. We can tell a lot from the characters by how they respond to their Lion first meeting them- and Lance’s reaction to Blue is basically to just stroll right in and make himself at home. As soon as Blue seems like someone who has something to say, Lance is all ears. 

best quality:

Empathy and compassion

worst quality: 

I mean, it’s not exactly unforgivable but definitely the one that tends to bite him the most often is his tendency to just wildly try things when he’s got no expertise in a given area/ isn’t sure.

ship them with: 

Mostly Keith, but I’m decently amenable to him with Hunk or Allura. 

brotp them with: 

The whole team tbh but I think him and Shiro and him and Pidge are both underrated dynamics. Also, my undying esteem to the first person who writes him and Lotor getting stranded on a planet and having to work their way out with the power of emotional bonding and a lot of sarcasm.

needs to stay away from:

The Langst crowd. In seriousness, can’t think of anybody that’s a Lance-specific hazard and not generally bad for everyone else’s health.

misc. thoughts:

the Lance face from the WINNER flag is still my favicon. as it should be.

@oxfordmodernfairytales asked:  For the character ask thing, Shiro?

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

Shiro’s come through a lot, and, while I think there are some ways he could have been fleshed out more, it’s really good to see him back on his feet again and I’m optimistic about this thing with the IGF Atlas. He really lights up when he’s on the bridge, and it’s nice to see. 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Given the amount of thirst art I see about him, it’s fair to say the fan consensus of Shiro is he’s way hot, and I do think he looks very handsome and charming but I don’t quite find him an Unstoppable Stud of a man. Being fair to Shiro this is probably a lot more to do with my sexuality than anything about his looks.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Josh Keaton aired this as his personal headcanon and, honestly, I’d see it. While Shiro is brave, and can and will challenge things directly that he sees as wrong, his greatest successes as a character are games of endurance. Both of his dry, sarcastic comments- one in s2e2 and one in s7e6- involve a cheerfully recited Long List of things that have failed to kill him so far. And what stands out about him to Keith in s7e1, their first meeting, isn’t the charismatic foot Shiro puts forwards- it’s his refusal to give up on Keith.

best quality:

All of the paladins get angry at cruelty, but Shiro has this particular eviscerating fury that really only comes from someone who passionately, earnestly believes in a good world and cannot tolerate the idea that you’re breaking from it.

worst quality: 

His tendency to put himself second and suffer in silence for long periods. He’s the biggest advocate of teamwork and the last one to open up about drowning, even when the water’s up to his chin.

ship them with: 

Adam, in that... as much as we saw him at a chapter of conflict, I’m a little frustrated at the note it ended on. I think it’d be really interesting to see more out of these guys- their stubbornness, strength of will, and, also, their connection and how much they care about each other.

brotp them with: 

His team, of course, but, honestly, he and Allura make a darn good platonic power couple. Let’s see more situations like s1e10.

needs to stay away from:

HAGGAR...

misc. thoughts:

his monolids... are not eyeliner.

[normal-goatboy]

Writer’s Questionnaire

Tagged by @gingerbreton - thank you, darlin

short stories, novels, or poems?  I like short things mostly. I have a short attention span. And I love the idea of fitting a lot of depth and meaning into a small package. 

what genre do you prefer reading?  Speculative fiction in general is a big one obvi - fantasy, horror, and dystopian lit specifically. Love me some magical realism as well. I will always dig wry social commentary - Jane Austen, Edith Wharton, Mark Twain etc.

*coughs* also true crime *coughs*

what genre do you prefer writing?  Definitely fantasy. I’m big on the kind of understated character-driven fantasy that doesn’t focus that heavily on mechanics because I’m too dumb to put that much attention into detail. I like lore. And I really enjoy writing horror, but that’s more taxing, I think.

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?  FFfff I’ve never planned anything in my life. I’m starting to put more effort into knowing where I’m going, but I don’t want to sacrifice that “oh that’s the story” feeling when it all comes together.

what music do you listen to while writing?  I’m very easily distracted and sensitive to shifts in mood, so usually no music. Occasionally I’ll put on something that I think really suits the tone of what I’m writing, but usually I’ll put on some white noise or something if I need to block out my environment.

fave books/movies?  For books: Margaret Atwood (the MaddAddam series ahghghh), Kurt Vonnegut, Octavia Butler, Graham Green, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett (Good Omens!) - Susanna Clark? Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell is one of my favorites, and it makes my heart sad that she’s apparently somewhat inactive now. Also Anne Rice was formative, though I don’t read much of her anymore

For movies: Eternal Sunshine, 28 Days Later, The Piano, almost all the Coen brothers’ catalog, The Blues Brothers, Galaxy Quest, About a Boy - I would go see every shitty horror movie if I had the time/money to do so

any current WIPs?  Only like 10. I have two unfinished chaptered fics, one Fenhawke and one Inquisitor/Cassandra, a more involved Inquisition long fic and another Fenhawke long fic in the works, then I’ve got quite a few one-shots hanging out in the ol drafts

That’s only for fandom. I have a fantasy thing and a horror thing I’m writing outside of that. I haven’t written poetry for a while, but I’ll get back to it someday.

if someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?  Black jeans, a very old black tee shirt for this shitty psychobilly band (it’s a cool shirt though), pink sneakers, jean jacket

create a character description for yourself?  She’s disarmingly awkward, gangly and quick with a laugh. Distinct sense of style, yet chronically unkept. Polite but direct.

do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?  Oh yeah. I wouldn’t say I have any characters that are completely based on people I know, but I do take inspiration from them. I consulted a friend who has been in a bunch of fights as research for that Carver-takes-his-shirt off fic.

are you kill-happy with characters?  No! I’ll hurt em real bad, but killing them seems a waste. It’d have to feel right,

coffee or tea while writing?  I like tea, but coffee all day

slow or fast writer?  Sloooowwww

where/who/what do you find inspiration from?  Often music. I don’t listen while I’m writing, but I usually take a long walk with my earbuds a few times a week and daydream. It’s pretty effective

if you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?  Probably like a nun? Not because I have any religious conviction, but it seems chill. Maybe a druid or something, but I doubt I’d be magical.

most favourite book cliche?  least fave book cliche?  I really like found family power of friendship shit. YEeeah yeah that’s my shit. 

Not big on Chosen One narratives. I find that pretty boring.

fave scenes to write?  Dialogue, dialogue. I like arguments, heavy discussions, flirting, group banter. I love dialogue

most productive time of day for writing?  I don’t have a particular time of day. I write the best when I’m supposed to be doing something else tbh 

reason for writing?  I’m always kind of daydreaming stories anyway. Might as well write em down.

Tagging @dirthara-mama @will-and-her-fandoms @dickeybbqpit @sulevinblade @fen-harel (if you feel like it)

[troutfishinginmusic]

Interview: John Galm (Bad Heaven Ltd.) talks Twin Peaks

John Galm (Bad Heaven Ltd., Snowing, SLOW WARM DEATH, Street Smart Cyclist) loves Twin Peaks. I love Twin Peaks. He has a new Bad Heaven Ltd. record out called Strength. He did a good interview about the album here. Instead of going over the standard questions about the album, I wanted to get his thoughts on the new season of Twin Peaks.

But first I wanted to include the text from an Instagram post Galm made about the album that gives some insight into his deeply affecting new album.

Over the past few years, I've been writing a lot more from these series of disparate memories, where I take images from my past and create these new scenarios based around them. For Strength, I kept coming back to this one image, of evening on pine street in Kutztown, Pennsylvania, the town where I went to college and spent four difficult years. After high school, a lot of my friends went off to cities and were enjoying the culture and experiences they provide for folks fresh out on their own for the first time. I was stuck in the middle of farmland, still reeling from the death of my dad a year prior and struggling to relate to anything and anyone around me. I felt alien; isolated, and it's a feeling that’s stuck with me for many years. When these songs started coming to me, I'd see Pine Street, and the old house where some of my only friends lived draped in orange streetlights, and I’d imagine a world where I had someone, that type of friend you have an irrefutable connection with, to sift through the darkness with. For years, I felt like my years in Kutztown took something from me. I took my inability to feel OK there as a personal defeat; as something fundamentally wrong with myself. I know now, almost a decade removed from it, that that's bullshit. In a way, Strength was a way for me to reconcile with this thing that I haven't known how to: A time of great confusion where I couldn't find the comfort and support I needed in the place I was stuck in. To go back and re-see these streets knowing that what I needed wasn't there and to re-imagine how it'd feel if it had been, in its own odd way, helped me heal.

Now here’s my awkward attempt at talking about season 3 of Twin Peaks and being out-nerded by John Galm. I’ve changed the format to go with my style for the blog. Other than that, I left things mostly as they were in our conversation via Facebook Messenger.

What did you think of the split of the Dale Cooper character?

I took the split Dales a lot like how I took the rest of the season. I remember staying up until 2 finishing the first four episodes the night they premiered and being so utterly confused by the tone of the show. The vibe had obviously changed, which I don't think anyone was expecting, but that's David Lynch. He's an artist that trusts his vision and follows where it takes him, which I respect. Once I realized that, I just let the show sweep over me and rolled with the punches.

Having the split Coops was a necessary thing with how season two ends, and Kyle Maclachlan did a masterful job. I have no idea how he wasn't even nominated for an Emmy. All three roles (four if we count the tonal shift from Coop to Richard) really touched on these almost ingrained, primal human qualities that made each so unique, and again, Kyle MacLachlan played them so perfectly. To watch him as Mr. C and a scene later see Dougie Jones didn't even seem like the same actor. Was it all good? No. Dougie was a lot to handle, but I think with a lesser actor, it would've been unbearable.

I found myself typing out all the stuff I thought about it too but realized that'd probably make for a shit interview. I totally agree with those assessments though. Anyway, what did you make of the room with the portal? That whole thing was interesting to me. A lot of pieces of the season feel like they could be short David Lynch films. Episode 8 with the bomb definitely could have been.

Which portal room are you referring to, specifically? There were a lot of portals to be honest.

Yeah I didn’t even think of that but yeah there are. I was thinking of the part where the guy was just paid to sit and watch the glass box.

Ah right. It's hard to say. I think the later implication is that Mr. C was the mystery financier of that room, but I could be wrong. I know Lynch left a lot of those sort of details hidden, probably so that we could have conversations like this one. And honestly, it's been a bit of time since I've re-watched season three, which is on my to do list for the next few weeks.

I think it makes sense that if Mr. C was financing the room, he was either trying to capture Cooper to keep him from returning to our world, or he was trying to capture the creature that arrived (known as the experiment in Twin Peaks lore). Either way, it makes sense: Mr. C was literally evil incarnate; the complete inverse of our Cooper. Harnessing literal, pure evil seems like pretty reasonable task, and one that would've provided an already powerful creature with even more power.

Also, my god, I fucking love this show.

Well that certainly makes sense if it's true. It's definitely going to give me some new perspective when I watch it again. What was your take on Audrey's storyline?

Audrey’s storyline was a tough one. I know it disappointed a lot of people, including Sherilyn Fenn. There are some really interesting elements to it, though. There’s that now famous scene, the Monica Bellucci dream, where she talks about living inside a dream. I think that is a larger element to the overarching narrative of the season, and I think it plays out largely in what we see of Audrey. I mean, it’s hard to talk about all the elements, but Audrey led a traumatic life after season two, and I think the scenes we see of her are she’s created to escape it. Where it gets interesting for me, though, is thinking about, well, if Audrey is living within a different plane of thought, what else is taking place there? What other scenes from the show are also a product of this reality in which Audrey finds herself in? I know a lot of people were confused by these Roadhouse scenes where characters discussed people and events we hadn’t heard of before. Maybe they’re all in Audrey’s head? maybe we were seeing a lot more of Audrey before we knew we were.

Also, the end of episode 16 where she snaps out of one reality and into another was one of the most terrifying and intriguing moments of the whole show for me. I absolutely loved that.

What was your take on the score and the more song-based soundtrack?

I think the more song-based soundtrack was kind of a neat touch. the original soundtrack had such an impact on so many musicians, and you could really see that in a lot of the bands they chose to work with.

I actually listen to the season three soundtrack quite a bit, as well as the companion piece that Dean Hurley released. What I find most fascinating about the season is how sound really plays a role in the events. Oftentimes, you'll get these long expanses without background composition, which, for television, is very rare. It elevates those moments when suddenly a song hits, or there's whispers of static, that break you from this almost monotonous pacing and thrust your mind into hyper drive.

Did the new season work its way into influencing the new Bad Heaven Ltd. stuff in any way?

It's hard to say. David Lynch is one of my favorite artists across any medium, so his influence is always prevalent in what I do. I think that, in general, being a fan of his allows you to think outside the box and try things that may not be so conventional, which I employed on this record for sure.

Do you think season 3 put a good cap on the whole series since it doesn’t seem like there will be more seasons?

A good cap may not be the right way of putting it, but season 3 gave us so much more of a world that a lot of people spent the last few decades speculating about. And while it provided some answers, it gave us so much more to ponder and dream about. For that, I think we should be forever grateful.

You can download Bad Heaven Limited’s new album Strength here

[theclaravoyant]

also okay - if you're ever wanting to write more in the trans!fitz universe, i'd absolutely love to see a fic where someone on the team learns what 'nonbinary' is and decides they might be nb, and come talk to fitz about it! :) and maybe talk about fitz's experiences being trans and his view of gender and stuff like that

AN ~ awesome prompt! It was a lot of fun exploring nonbinary-ness and different experiences of gender (which is probably why this almost hit 2K!). 

Disclaimer: I’m a cis woman, but I based what Fitz talks about on experiences of several trans and non binary people (from these sources as well as past research, friends, tumblr posts, etc.). I hope I have done the topic some justice!

For those not familiar with my trans!fitz universe, this fic takes place in the Bridget!verse where Fitz transitioned (FTM) from a young age. He is out only to a few select people as trans, and prefers it that way, although this fic also allows for him to be more out re: his sexuality (which is not specified in this fic, but implied to be non-straight).

As for who he’s talking to… I know they’re not part of “the team” exactly but I couldn’t resist using this opportunity to write about everyone’s favourite nb lesbian, Agent Piper!

Anyway, without further ado-

Read on AO3 (~2000wd)

Piper

Pride season was an opportunity for a splash of colour in the increasingly gloomy lives of Shield’s now-underground team. The younger Agents especially filled the base with life and vibrancy while the older ones, for whom Pride was much if not more a commemoration than a festivity, provided strength and fortitude, serving as living reminders of a whole range of struggles that could affect an Agent, and a whole range of ways of being a survivor. Pride was a light in the darkness not unlike the end of year holiday season, if directed at a smaller cohort.

Tonight, many of the Agents were preparing to drive out to a Pride Parade in a nearby city, and were donning all manner of bright colours and some of them even preparing spectacular outfits for a night on the town. Daisy had on a hot-pink sundress with platform sandals and chunky jewellery in blue, purple and silver. Jemma went for a look that somehow managed to be more subdued, in a bright canary-yellow t-shirt and black jeans, with a pink bandana tied around her neck. Fitz was stuck in his room trying to figure out what to wear that was different, but that didn’t scream a Pride flag vomited all over me, when he heard a knock at the door.

“Oh, thank God,” he sighed. “Jemma, I-“

Fitz cut himself off when he pulled the door open and saw not Jemma, but the shorter, stockier, also somewhat-bewildered-looking Agent Piper waiting for him. She was still wearing fatigues, not yet prepared for the evening’s outing, and her expression was a little too serious for Fitz’s liking.

“Um. Hi,” Fitz greeted after a moment. “Can I help you? Is something going on?”

He stuck his head further into the hallway, but Piper shook her head before he could work himself into too much of a panic.

“Nothing, it’s all good out here, I was actually wondering if I could – maybe – have a private conversation with you.”

“Okay. Sure.” Still a little unsettled, Fitz invited Piper into his and Jemma’s room. He waved a hand apologetically at the suit-jackets, feather boa, dresses, heels, and button-ups that had sprawled across the room during their preparations, but Piper seemed content to ignore them even as her eyes cast about the room a little, not quite sure how to broach the subject she’d come here to speak about.

“Sorry,” she said eventually, bringing her eyes back to Fitz as she seemed to remember she was prying in a private space. “It’s just, I know you’re not really out with it and I didn’t want to be creepy. I wanted to talk about… gender. I’ve been thinking about some stuff and Jemma sort of mentioned that you might be someone who knows something about it. If you’re not comfortable with talking to me you can send me on my way and I won’t breathe a word of it – I know how it is – but it’d be really cool if you could help me out, man.”

Fitz shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“You sure?”

“Sure.” He smiled. “Happy to help out if I can.”

“Awesome.” Piper sighed, and a lot of the tension left her body. For want of a better place to plant herself, she perched on the corner of a desk.

Fitz sat nearby, in a clear space at the edge of the bed, and waited for Piper to gather her thoughts. He hoped she wouldn’t ask too much about him. Then again, he hoped she would. If it would help. If it would maybe mean he was sharing something of himself with someone who might get it in a way that the others didn’t. He wondered what she would ask. What was questioning even like? What was it like not to wake up and know? Of course, he’d been through his own questioning period, but most of that had been forced upon him, particularly by his father’s efforts to reshape him. Inside Piper’s head, Fitz knew, there could be a whole different set of sensations going on. Legitimate questions. Questions in which politics and oppression only played a part. Questions that could be daunting, and probably moreso to a thirty-year-old mind than to a seven-year-old, who didn’t yet understand so much about the weight of the world.

“Want me to start?” Fitz offered. Piper groaned.

“God, please.”

“Do you think you’re a man?”

Piper recoiled from the suggestion, but quickly recovered.

“Sorry. But no. I don’t think so – it feels wrong. It’s just that… I’m not really sure I’m a woman either. Does that make sense? Is that possible? I mean, I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy but like… recently, it feels different somehow. It’s difficult to describe. Maybe I’m just being weird, but to be honest, it’s kind of freaking me out. I thought I’d already done the whole identity-crisis thing, you know?”

Fitz laughed a little. He could relate.

“There’s no need for a crisis. You’ll figure it out eventually. And believe me, I get the double-take. Identity is an ever-changing beast.”

“How was it for you, though?” Piper wondered. “The gender thing I mean. How did you know?”

“I don’t think I can really help you with that one, unfortunately. I’m one of those people who just always, sort of, knew. I’ve known since I was a kid. I don’t really know why. Some of it was the obvious I guess. I played with model trains and cars instead of dolls. I hated wearing dresses. Tried to cut off all my hair with scissors. I wanted a pee-pee.” He snorted. “Seven-year-old me didn’t really get into the philosophy of it all, but there must be something to it, because… well, let’s just say I went through some things that would have chased it out of me if that were possible.”

Piper nodded solemnly.

“Not all the confusion is bad though,” Fitz continued. “My mum raised me, mostly, and she did it without a lot of that masculine bravado bullshit. She taught me to be gentle, sensitive, forgiving… sometimes it felt like I was less of a guy because of that kind of stuff, and the teasing didn’t help, but in the end it gave me faith in my identity. Mum always told me there should be more guys like me. That it shouldn’t be left to the girls to be the soft ones.“

“I like your mom,” Piper put in.

“Me too.” Fitz smiled. “And honestly I think having someone who believed in me like that made it all so much easier, even though she didn’t get it entirely. She started calling me by the right pronouns – you know, he and him and all that - and even gave me a different name. Helped me transition in lots of other ways, too. I couldn’t have done it without her.”

“Oh, I don’t want to transition, either,” Piper clarified. “I’m happy with my body just the way it is. Is that – I mean, does that mean anything?”

“Not really,” Fitz explained. “I mean, for me it did. I had… I had dysphoria in a big way. Phantom body parts. Huge discomfort about my dead name and pronouns. Not every trans person gets that. Some have it the other way, actually. Euphoria, it’s called. They just feel more happy when they express as their gender, or when they’re referred to by some other name or pronouns or, you know, gendered words, even if they’re not particularly unhappy with their assigned ones.”

“See, that sounds more like me,” Piper agreed. “But can you be, like, gender-neutral trans? Or is that a different thing, I don’t know. But can you?”

“You mean like nonbinary?” Fitz suggested. “Some people think of it as trans and some don’t, but yeah, sure. It’s a thing.”

“It means you’re like, somewhere between a boy and a girl, right?” Piper speculated. “Like on the spectrum.”

“Basically,” Fitz agreed. “I mean, for some people it’s more complicated than that, and just like with sexual orientation there’s a whole bunch of subsets. Some people like the spectrum, some people go with a third non-spectrum gender, some people even prefer no gender at all. It’s up to you. I can’t really tell you which one to pick, unfortunately – I mean as far as I’m aware, we as a scientific community still don’t know what gender even is yet – but if you’re feeling like nonbinary’s an option for you, try it out. There’s no harm in a label if you’re safe and happy with it. And even if it doesn’t work out, it’s not like you’re getting in anyone’s way.”

“Really?” Piper checked. “You think I should go for it?”

Fitz held his hands up, palms out. “You don’t need my permission.”

“Can I keep my name?”

“Sure, if you’re happy with it.”

“What about that pronoun stuff?”

“Well, if it bothers you when people call you she/her, tell them so. If not, you can keep them and still be non-binary. It depends on you. If you’re looking for a more neutral pronoun, ‘they’ is getting pretty popular, relatively. There are some more obscure ones around, so Google it maybe, but if it’s not a strong point of contention for you, or none of the others really speak to you, you could try they/theirs.”

“You’re right, that does sound better,” Piper agreed, a smile breaking out across her face at last. “Thanks so much, Fitz, honestly. I feel like I’ve lined up so many things in my brain right now.”

“My pleasure.” Fitz found himself beaming too, unexpectedly broadly. He kicked his legs in glee. “Glad I could help.”

“Wait.” Piper interrupted, her tone heavier again all of a sudden and, if Fitz was not mistaken, tainted with dread. “Can I still be a lesbian, then?”

Fitz’s excitement faded a little too. With the weight Piper put on it, he could tell, this part of her identity was important to her. Painstakingly so. Handling it with care was essential, and yet, he had to walk blindly into it and do the best he could.

“Well, I don’t know,” he offered truthfully. “If someone else, if another lesbian, came to you with something like this, what would you say, d’you think?”

Piper’s eyes searched the floor, the carpet, the nose of Fitz’s dress shoes poking out from under one of Jemma’s discarded dresses. She took a deep breath.

“Well, I’m sure as hell not a man. And even if I’m not a woman exactly, I still feel pretty close to it. I’d like to think I’m enough of a woman to be a lesbian still.”

“Then there you have it, I guess. Maybe talk to the girls, they might have more to say about it, but I think that’s fair enough.”

“Cool.” Piper nodded once, and then twice more for good measure as she let it all settle in. Her eyes trailed the mess that was FitzSimmons’ room and, as the mess in her own head cleared away, she remembered why it was all there.

“Shit, we’d better get ready, hey?” she reminded Fitz. He escorted her to the door, as best he could through the widespread pig-sty.

“Again, thanks so much for the talk,” Piper continued. “It was really great. Really helpful. If you don’t mind though, can we keep it on the DL for now? Sprinkle a couple ‘they’s here and there if you could, but the other stuff, I’m still easing into it.”

“No worries,” Fitz promised. “And you know, my stuff –“

“Lock and key,” Piper promised in return. “See you tonight.”

“See you there.”