#but i saw it again the other day and realized that itd be fun to actually finish for the anniversary.

[justladders]

ARE YOU READY?

ARE YOU READY?

[daftpatience]

heurhgh. thinkin abt the prince and the sea witch AU because i am an ocean boy and and and theres so much to thinkabout with this one!!!! i love aus that tap into classic fairytales becasue theres so much to work with!!! connections to make and parallels to draw

context and thoughts under tha cut cus this au sorta escaped me at first and there's very little stuff about it in english

the original au came from a leaflet that was bundled with volume 8 on toranoana:

rough translation explains that mermaid princess hinaichi rescued prince ronaldo, and sea witch draluc offers to give her legs to meet him again (and if he doesn't like her she'll turn into seafoam) which she declines. (literally what she says is "no need!" and the big words to the side of her say "no regrets" which is hilarious.) thats the end of the story and ronaldo is left alone. also, john is a sea turtle that lives in a clam.

im lifting my own headcanons and such from the original little mermaid story (not so much the didney one) where the prince doesn't see the mermaid and instead falls in love with this woman who comes to help him from a nearby temple (who he doesn't realize is actually the princess he's betrothed to later.) in this au that's draluc who was observing from a distance. (i just drew a half sunken agora and im calling that a temple. watever. its refd from one of the old arts and i think its pretty)

i like the idea that ronaldo exaggerates his own memory of spotting draluc that day due to the distance making details difficult paired with the fact that he was probably a little delirious. the idea that he doesn't immediately put together that draluc is the person he saw is kinda fun 2 me, and of course he'd make up some beautiful girl in his head. of course he would.

im messing with some ideas about draluc deciding to meddle with ronaldo instead - does he offer to turn him into a merman to look for his made up maiden? or does draluc come to land for his own reasons? maybe they visit each other at the temple every day and bring each other little things and talk and stuff. itd be cute if they butted heads but still went to see each other every day anyways.

a popular thing in the au is draluc being captured - maybe ronaldo, desparate to find his love and only knowing she was some sort of fish, does something stupid like setting up nets and traps. hahah. maybe he catches draluc and takes him to his castle to learn about merfolk and such. iunno. whatever the case i hope they fall in love in the process and also bicker a lot like their usual schtick

ive got a little sad idea that borrows from some 30 years later au stuff where draluc is worried about ronaldo's lifespan (this is also in the orig little mermaid where mermaids live longer than humans by hundreds of years) but also can't turn human to match ronaldo because it's too painful for him to walk on legs (since one of the au rules is that he must always be weak and the orig little mermaid made it clear that legs hurted real bad)

also also i very big headcanon draluc the sea witch has a sunken castle that looks a lot like ponyo's dad's house on the inside. fulla potions and stuff. wouldnt that be cute! maybe hes got an interest in human life/a collection of old things kinda like didney little mermaid - since canon draluc is so well adjusted to modern human stuff like games and livestreams and whatnot. in this au i think he'd be a lot more stubborn and reluctant to admit it, though, cus i also like the idea that his grandpa went the route of loving a human and going to land and maybe he doesn't want to end up like that? but it might be fate just cus draluc and ronaldo parallel D and helsing so well.

also i still want hinaichi to be in it but her rejection of the plot is so funny and good, i don't want to shove her in without thinking of a good way for it to make sense. she's good friends with draluc and likes his cooking...can you cook underwater??? maybe magically?? maybe draluc takes up cooking on land and brings hinaichi things he makes??? maybe then she gets interested in humans and wants to come to land to try all the cooking theyve got. iunno.

i usually keep this sort of note taking and doodling to myself but this fandom needs all the stimulation it can get. hiii hellooo :]

[cometshift]

Hii, hope this isn’t a weird question or demanding in any ways, but I’ve grown really interested in your art of Mx. Blackrock and Subspace, something about the last piece of art linger as if a fading memory one still holds dear and yet there’s seems to be a bittersweetness to it, a unspoken somber to it, perhaps reflecting on simpler days without much doubts or maybe a childhood forever lost, or maybe that’s just me!! However do you have any headcannon of Mx Blackrock and Subspace or how it was with the leader of Blackrock raising Subspace?? If not that’s okayb and apologize for the over analyzing of the art. Hope everything is well for you and take care ^^!!

HI this isn't weird at all!!! it means a lot to me you took interest in it :'D (fun fact i almost didn't post that art at all, my partner ended up convincing me to, and now i'm very glad i posted it! i'm happy people liked it so much)

i have a lot a looot of thoughts on subspace and his relationship with blackrock as a whole in general -- since we know so little about blackrock as a faction it's very fun to fill in the blanks on what it's all like, and i especially like to sort of 'reverse-engineer' subspace to try and figure out why the hell hes like that LOL. particularly i have a lot of headcanons on how he was raised - and the subspace spawnday QnA brought a lot of those thoughts up again!

a lot of this is my own personal interpretation and only very loosely based on canon (since there isnt much canon info on blackrock in general). if youd like to read my insane headcanons ill put them below the cut here vvvvv

so, it's been stated that he thinks of pretty much everyone as expendable, the only exception being his higher-ups. we know he holds them in high regard, but my headcanon is that subspace feels different towards mx blackrock specifically - i think if there was ever a single person that subspace genuinely did care about, itd be mx blackrock

i'd say it's likely the thought of 'everyone is expendable' got hammered into his head as a very young child - and the only way to not be expendable is to show everyone you're worth something, right? that unlike the rest, you're special, and capable, and could serve blackrock like no other if given the chance?

so what if someone, perhaps the very leader of blackrock themself, saw the potential he had?

i think that's exactly what subspace would want, and exactly what would lead him to become the person that he is now; i think that's how it happened, mx blackrock saw a child with incredible potential and, with a little positive reinforcement, could get them to become one of blackrock's greatest assets - a practically mindless pawn that would never doubt a word of what blackrock ever taught them.

mx blackrock is… well. i doubt they're a good person considering everything going on in their faction LOL. i think they're an intimidating, demanding - perhaps even manipulative, person. i feel they'd do anything to keep the people below them serviceable to them and blackrock as a whole. however - they're also highly respected and admired in their faction, as well as highly feared.

i think mx blackrock would be a very cold person towards everyone, keeping everyone at arms' length. but… i think it'd be different with subspace; i think theyd show him some warmth - keep him just close enough and giving him just enough attention to keep him happy and productive, even striving to outdo his own capabilities - but also distant enough to where at the end, he's still just another worker, just another cog in the machine.

(all of that is also why it makes sense to me if mx blackrock showed favoritism for subspace - since it's been stated he's always been enabled by blackrock to be an awful person. if mx blackrock never gave him trouble for it, then why should he be anything but apathetic when he harms other demons? after all, if they're all expendable, do they really matter?)

for subspace, i don't think he'd even realize. in his mind, mx blackrock genuinely believes and cares about him, hence why i think he looks up to them and admires them, and think of them perhaps closer to a guardian than a boss. perhaps, even family, maybe?

… so yeah LOL. sorry this is sort of less headcanons and more of General personal interpretation. i do like the idea of mx blackrock really caring about subspace - albeit in their own, twisted way. i think theyd be highly protective of him, even. but even all that would still be highly dependent on subspace never letting them down. which, if he ever does, then… well

(i should also probably mention this isnt meant to be like, a way to make subspace redeemable or something. while he's a byproduct of his environment he's still very much culpable of what he's done. while i think he is, in some way, a victim to blackrock's whims, he's still very much a perpetrator of them)

SO YEAH. all of that is probably where that bittersweet feeling of that picture comes from. i didnt intend that image to have any specific feeling tied to it when drawing it but i guess they just came to be from my own headcanons + some personal feelings of my own. (also my immortal from evanescence started playing while i was drawing that picture so i think that definitely influenced some of that wistful feeling LOL. thats also where the lyrics in the caption are from!)

i honestly have a looot of unposted, unfinished art of mx blackrock. perhaps ill try drawing them more often, maybe not in vague silhouette the next time LOL

thank you for the question :} it genuinely made me super happy to see this in my inbox. also this answer took me like 3 hours to write because i spent a while just rewriting cause i couldnt decide how i wanted to word it and i still dont think i did my own interpretation justice BUT!!! i hope this helped give some insight on that picture. smileys

[jordiestardust]

Wet Part 2

Find Part One: here

Summary: Steve is dedicated to making things right with you, though he doesnt realize he wants to emerge as more than friends

Warnings: Cursing, use of y/n, implied f reader ( if i messed up w prnouns, same as last time PLS LET ME KNOW), unedited, shitty ending, fighting, alcohol use, unedited asf

———————————

“Okay. We need to talk” Steve had a stern look on his face as he spoke to the girl in front of him.

“Do we though?” Not only was she making him nervous, but she was making the task impossibly difficult for him.

“Yes. I want to start with saying im so-“

“Youre sorry? Really Harrington, thats bullshit you just want to get in my pants” She said, oh so obviously holding back a laugh.

“Robin i swear to god.” Okay, In his defense, Robin did basically force him to participate in this practice argument with him.

“What? You we’re kind of a slut last time you saw her.” Ouch.. he thought. But it was true. Steve most definitely had not been known for his great reputation at ‘boyfriend’.

He was going to suggest that they try again, but before he could speak there was a slight tap on her window before Margo came tumbling into the room.

“BIRDIE! And Steve,” She glared over at him, “I think i left my drumsticks here yesterday, have you seen them? We kind of have a gig at Tommy Hagens pool party and the drummer just might need her drumsticks. Itd be kind of hard to back up Y/ns vocals if i didnt have them, I mean shes really good and has great projection, but she needs something to-“ If it wasnt obvious, Margo and Robin have the same rambling habit.

“Desk, ill be ready in a few. You going to Hagens party too Steven?” Robin asked, hopping off of her bed to help the latter in her search. She knew of Steves history of the boy, but she also knew that he wanted to be financially stable when he was older; and Steves father had made it pretty clear that if Steve cut off his connections, hed be left in the dust for real this time.

“Stop ‘full naming’ me asshole. But yeah I kinda have to. Didnt know you guys had a gig there, though .”

“Must’ve slipped my mind.,” Margo shrugged, but her and Robin gave each other a look that low key freaked Steve out, “Just hurry and go get ready and uh remember what we talked about. Thank you for m’ sticks Birdie, Im out.” Margo kissed Robin on the cheek, and crawled back out of the window less than elegantly. Who was going to tell her Robins parents were out on a couples retreat this week, and that there was no need to crawl out of the window? Not him thats for sure- No fucking way willingly hed sit through another five minutes of their sickening cuteness.

“You should go now too Dingus, party remember? Go get dressed, pick me up in an hour. Well go, have fun, get drunk, talk to Y/n/n. You know like in the good old days” She smiled, like she was up to something, pushing him out of the room slightly.

“The good old days? Really?” Steve was mildly unamused, but left the house all the same. Maybe getting a drink or two in him wouldnt be all that bad, Tommys parties were usually unorganized and chaotic, so he might not even run into Y/n. You know, when shes not on the big ass stage he knows Tommy rented, “just for her.”

———————————————————————

“Margs have you seen my glasses?” You called down from the stage, while Margo maneuvered herself around the few people that arrived early, in search of a beer, or like a caprisun or something. She had range.

“Gave em to Ajax” She yelled, still searching. Before you could turn around and look for the bassist, the glasses flew at you like a paper airplane. You were just barely able to catch them.

“Told you i could throw them up there, you immature ass.” Ajax muttered to Jonathan.

“I wasnt doubting you, dickwad. It was a statement.” Jonathan seemed to enjoy going to the parties where there would be a band playing, especially yours. Anyone else would think he just goes to get a glimpse up your skirt, but to anyone that knew him, it was clear he wanted practice for his future job of photographing rock bands. It was a diverse group of people you hung out with, really.

“Hey Henderson!” You looked up to see Tommy Hagen, the one throwing this party, waving at you from atop the diving board. Once you two made eye contact, he tried- really tried- to impress you with a jump. And it wouldve worked, if when he was about to jump in, a football didnt hit him in the ribs.

“OH SHIT-“ You exclaimed through a laugh, still glad to see that Tommy was able to resurface without needing CPR from Jason Carver.

“Oops-“ Ajax mumbled, as he and Jonathan slinked away together, laughing under their breaths. You shook your head in amusement, before placing the glasses on your head, and bending down to finish setting up the amps.

In no way were you into Tommy Hagen. He was an asshole, and it was pretty obvious that he thought of you as an accomplishment to add to his mental trophy case. Though, itd been a while since someone tried to impress you like that. Not who I wanted to have jumped into a 8 foot pool for me today. You thought, nearly laughing out loud at your own thoughts. HAH, scratch that. I bet he doesnt even remember we dated.

————————————————————————

“We’re late because of you, i hope you know that” Steve mumbled at the girl who was currently holding onto his arm for dear life. Robin enjoyed coming to these things sure, but she needed someone to hold onto in these crowds.

“Its not my fault, I swear. It was in my little green notebook except i think i left it in my overalls at my dad’s house, but the overalls were in my closet at my moms house so i was really really confused and then you came and i didn’t- HEY MARGO! Later Dingus.” Robins rant this time was about how they were thirty minutes late because she couldnt find the paper she wrote Margos favorite color down on. Sickening cuteness, he thought to himself.

Steve looked over at the stage that had been set up in the Hagens massive backyard, to see Ajax up there tuning his bass guitar, and Margo was off somewhere with Robin, but he couldnt see you anywhere. You know, until he did.

You were off by the punch bowl, looking slightly uncomfortable, in the way that nobody but someone whos memorized the way you smile when youre happy would notice. With Tommy Hagen.

—————————————

“Oh yeah, I mean, I leave sometime next week, so i dont think ill be able to make it.” You murmured, slightly annoyed that he wasnt getting the hint. Or that he didnt want to.

“Oh well thats alright princess,” you winced slightly at the nickname, “We can move it to tomorrow if youre free.” He smiled widely, raising his eyebrows as he waited for your response. Before you could turn him down, he spoke again. “Well look who showed, Steve Harrington, everybody. Did you know he was gonna be here princess? I didnt think hed actually show, you know hes kind of a wuss.” Tommy spoke loudly as Steve approached him, in an attempt to draw a crowd. One that worked.

“Oh come on, Tommy knock it off.” You said, trying to dissipate the situation before anyone did anything stupid. Steve and Tommy didnt have the greatest track record when it came to these things.

“Shut it, Hagen. Youre making her uncomfortable, knock it the hell off.” Steve said sternly, stopping a few feet from Tommy.

“Oh and you would know? I mean you guys dated for what a few months, before you dropped her for little miss perfect. Come on man you barely even know the girl, let alone what makes her uncomfortable. Hell i bet you dont even know what makes her comfortable, you know what really riles her up. Do ya Harr-“

Oh my fucking god.

“STOP GUYS STOP WHAT THE HELL- STEVE GET OFF OF HIM WHAT THE FUCK” You were yelling before you could even process what was going on. Steve was beating the absolute shit out of Tommy.

“DINGUS GET OFF OF HIM JESUS CHRIST” Now Robin was joined in on your yelling, along with the majority of the partygoers chanting ‘Fight Fight Fight’ or the occasional ‘Beat his ass Tommy’ and ‘Fuck him up Harrington.’

What the hell did he think he was trying to accomplish here

It wasnt long before the fight was broken up, Steve winning by a long shot, though he was definitely fucked up. You couldnt help the pang of pride you felt for him in your chest though, because according to Dustin filling you in on everything you missed upside down wise, this was the first fight hes won against a human since Starcourt.

It was still a pain in the ass to drag him to your car.

————————————-

Steve woke up to the soft sound of strumming in the next room over. He wasnt really sure of what the hell was going on, until he tried to stand up, and was hit with a horrible pounding in his head, and suddenly all his wounds felt fresh again. Though, technically they were still fresh . It had only been forty five minutes.

He kept a hand on his head, because he felt it was the only thing keeping him from passing out, and padded his way out of his room and into the guest room.

There, he found you singing.

‘You adored me before, oh my good looking boy.’ You sung, softly strumming, while still blissfully unaware Steve had woken up.

You were still wearing the makeup from earlier, purples and navy blues covering your face, to match the bands theme. Your hair was still styled like how it was in the video from the other day. You looked beautiful. Even if you were so clearly stressed out by Steves actions.

‘The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it AGH-“ Now you were aware of his presence. Steve winced at the loud noise, and you apologized quietly, placing your guitar on the guest bed.

“Did i wake you up?” You asked looking up at him as he stood against the door frame, still cradling his head with one hand.

“No, no, you didnt. Woke up on m’ own” He mumbled.

“Good. Now i get to me mad. What the hell were you thinking earlier Steve. That was fucking stupid, Tommy couldve gotten seriously injured, and so could you.” You scolded, grabbing his wrist harshly and dragged him to the bathroom.

“He was being a dick, he deserved it.” He said, as you pushed him against the counter until he got the hint to sit down.

“Move your legs really quick… And youve been a total dick recently, I havent beat the shit out of you.” You reached under the sink for the first aid kit, before standing back up and placing it on the counter next to Steves thigh.

“What do you mean Ive been a dick?” His eyebrows scrunched together when you started laughing. Because of course hed been a dick. Itd been four years, and he was still ignoring you like a twelve year old.

“Okay, okay, that was my bad. I have been a dick.”

“Clearly.” You smiled sweetly at him, before using the towel youd wet as you spoke to wipe the dry blood off of his face.

“Can I ask you something, Steve?”

“Yeah. Go ahead” He was thinking you were just going to ask what he was thinking when he hit Tommy, or something along those lines. Definitely not,

“Why did you break up with me?” He looked at you, straight into your eyes. He could tell, just by looking at you, that you were just curious. No tears, no annoyance, just pure curiosity.

“Honestly?,” You nodded slowly, “I couldnt deal. I mean I wasn’t exactly boyfriend of the century back then. You made me feel.. Light? In a way. Like I didnt have to worry about graduating, or getting a shitty job working for my dad, hell or even what people thought about me. I mean, my girlfriend was going to be a rockstar, “He smiled at you, “But i couldnt go through with it. None of it. I guess I was scared, and Nancy was the safest option, you know? Little miss perfect, is that was Tommy said? Yeah thats what I thought back then too. Its stupid i know, but it was safe.” Steve was looking at you, and the small smile on your face, and he couldnt help but laugh a little. “What-“ He laughed a little more, causing you to join in.

“Wait can i- sorry- Can i clean your cuts first? So you dont double hate me after this?” You said through a fit of laughter, reaching for the first aid kit again.

“Yeah, yeah go ahead.” He said, calming down a little in anticipation for the pain.

“Sorry sorry sorry-“ You said as he hissed in pain, eyes closed, with his head leaning into your hand.

“Its all good. ‘S all goodd” He said, looking up at you once more.

“Anyway. I was laughing because youre a total fucking idiot, Steve Harrington. I mean you just beat up Tommy Hagen at his own party, halfway through one of my gigs. Youre still best friends with my little brother, despite avoiding me for the last four years, and youve yet to try and embarrass me for writing songs about you. Youve changed Steve. Its freaky, if im being honest”

“You write songs about me?” He asked. Robin had told him that youd done it before, but he always just assumed they were old songs. From before.

“.. You didnt know?” Now your once curious, calm features, were nothing but pure panic.

“No?? I thought maybe youd met someone in LA, you know?”

“And it doesnt bother you? Like at all”

“I mean i kinda wish you told me, then i couldve asked this three years ago,” He chuckled lowly, grabbing the wrist of the hand that was holding his face lightly, “Can i, uh, could i ki-“ Before he could finish, he was cut off by your lips pressing against his. It tasted like your chapstick, strawberry flavored just as he remembered, and the punch from earlier, still tinged with a but of alcohol. You pulled away for air after a few moments, and the shocked look on Steves face kinda freaked you out.

“Sorry- Shouldnt have cut you off. Thats like, thats my ba-“ This time he cut you off, cupping your cheeks and lightly pulling you toward him.

“Dont be sorry. I should be sorry, I was going to start with sorry, but Robin said it would sound insincere or whatever” He murmured against your lips, causing you to laugh a little.

“I mean you were the one who suggested we kiss- Come on Steve, be better” You scolded mockingly.

“Yeah, yeah. But uh maybe we should tell her and Margo to stop, like plotting either our demise or our like borderline reconciliation-“ He laughed a bit, because it was so, so obvious that was their main goal in life then.

“Borderline? You are really bad at this, Harrington.” You laughed some more, placing a light kiss to his nose.

“Oh shut up, I know you missed me” He said, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Definitely”

a/n: not my best work but im still getting used to writing fanfic again, so im getting there 😭 post’s might be a little infrequent because cheer szn is starting agaim, but i am accepting requests, so if u have any lmkk🫶🏾 i write for steve, eddie, ethan landry, and robin rn (currently hyperfixated on stranger things and scream rn lmaoo)

[autumnfangirler]

3, 25, 31 for ocs of choice for the couple's meme 👀

Sure! you are witness to a rare occasion where i actually make a choice (and you get to see who my favourites are)

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a concious realization of "I love this person," but a moment that had them like "Oh...I adore them..."

Caine- caine finds the most value in the small moments, little things they get to notice and appreciate about the people they love. for ortega, it was back in the sidestep days, after some big fight they won that had ortega smiling like the sun. they didnt realize it then, but he loved that smile, and subconciously started to help the rangers more often just to see it. as for chen, theres a line in the game that goes like "he sounds amused in the way he does when spoon does something funny. no intent hiding behind it". i think it was the first time that happened. caine rarely got to see chen without a layer of distance or suspicion, so the first time he truly got to see him happy without the mask, they couldnt help committing it to memory

Cyrus- thats so mushy and stupid. he's going to throw up on you. hes also pulling out an alphabetically arranged and growing list of tidbits about daniel he absolutely adores. i dont think there was a specific moment that made him develop his crush on herald, it was more things he noticed that built up over time. his determination for his cause, his soft yet firm insistence of what he sees in cyrus, and of course his sweet little smile all made cyrus fall for him. the moment he realized "oh shit im in love with him" though, was the regene reveal. being seen and accepted for what he was when he only expected condemnation was such a novel prospect to him he really went "well i cant NOT fall in love with him"

Cynthia- she's such a hopeless romantic, if you asked her when she fell in love with ortega, she's say the first time she saw her smile. in actuality, it would be at some point braiding her hair. cynthia and ortega would tend to talk to eachother while cynthia worked. sometimes itd be silly stupid banter, and other times itd be...heavier, but either way, she learned a lot of what she does about ortega this way. she also gets to see ortega relaxed and honest in a way she never is around the press or her team, and it makes her super soft to know thats a privilege that gets extended to her. its also part of the reason she was a little sad to see it gone after heartbreak (altho cynthia does have longer hair than she used to in her sidestep days, so role reversal is definetely possible 👀)

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

oh man, what happened indeed. the answer drastically changes depending on whether its a reveal or if its a natural disagreement or such, but ill answer for both

Cyrus- if its being revealed as puppeteer? uh. doubling down 💀 sorry danny, but youre really slowing down the whole villain and being evil thing, so he might as well use this as an opportunity to cut the chord completely. in his head he probably sees this as a good thing for herald anyway, because he doesnt have to be bogged down by feelings for him. a clean cut for the both of them. if its a natural disagreement, its probably more along the lines of cyrus making fun of something daniel likes. hes used to teasing and making fun of things with ortega, i dont think hed account for the fact daniel might take it to heart. when he does realize it, i think hed take the time to sit down with him and apologize. hes not the best with emotions, so itd lean more to explaining his reasoning, but he does promise to take an effort not to do that again. he doesnt want to ruin anything over something as stupid as that

Cecilia- argent already knows shes the villain so that doesnt apply lmao. she'd get into an argument with argent, but over what im not sure. in any case, neither of them like backing down or admitting theyre wrong, so apologizing isnt exactly ceci's go to option for making up. she'd more likely go for the asian mom route and get her some snacks instead. use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened, and if she really thought she was in the wrong, apologize. if not, shed likely ask to mutually drop the topic, agree to disagree basically. it depends on what argent does after that, but even if she doesnt want to drop it i think ceci would be more for civilized conversation by that point

31. What little thing do they find incredibly (though harmlessly) annoying about their partner?

Cyrus- i have a personal hc that a lot of the rooms in daniels apartment are actually rather haphazardly arranged at best(yes this stems from the scene where chen complains about herald not doing the dishes). cyrus doesnt mind a mess, but he does mind it when the other person is an artist who happens to paint from time to time. hes probably ruined a lot of good clothes wandering around the rooms and accidentally stepping on/tripping over paint. it has been cause for many a complaint, but hes tolerating it because he likes watching daniel paint

[1-800-c0sm1c]

꒰crossteaming !꒱

genshin characters as your streamer bf/gf !

character x gn!reader

includes albedo, childe, kaeya, xiao, and hu tao!

warnings : none.

a/n : these ended up being longer than i expected, so im splitting up the post a bit <3 hope you enjoy :D

ALBEDO - THE MINECRAFT YOUTUBER

albedo gives me wilbur soot vibes, minus the height.

if anyone in genshin were to join a minecraft smp just to reenact hamilton and be a jason dean kinnie, itd be albedo and im absolutely right about this.

teaches klee how to play too, his most popular stream was when they beat the ender dragon together :)

he also seems like the type to strictly use minecraft education edition, which is also totally valid because some of the recipes in there are literally so cool ???

pulls a dantdm and has his own minecraft lab and everything, doing all his silly little experiments!

“surcose, we need to sell drugs out of a van RIGHT NOW.”

when chat found out you and albedo were dating, there were two reactions.

one side was really happy for you both, the other was albedos parasocial fangirls who immediately put you on a hitlist.

seriously, if you had a dollar for everytime you were @ed in tweets about writing your name in a death note, youd have enough money to pay for every single persons therapy appointments.

youre always there to cheer him on when hes in mcc, his own little personal cheerleader :)

you show up at his office and just.. stand in front of the door, staring at him through the window. it sounds weird yes, but the shocked expression on his face is worth the wait for him to notice.

CHILDE - THE GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE ROLEPLAYER

“no chat i have not gone red. im just startled, thats all.”

childe is the type of fella to participate in the most wacky roleplays on gta online, and i am sticking by this headcannon.

hes done everything from a drug empire to owning his own country, nothing is off limits.

surprisingly hes a really good actor? when youre watching his streams you dont get the cringey second hand embarrassment, its just fun entertainment :D

it took his chat wayyy to long to realize how fine he is, although to be fair he did have mostly men watching him. (not like thats an excuse or anything.)

i feel hes definitely been nominated for a streamy before! whether or not you think he deserves to win is up to you though LMAO

“only a small percentage of my viewers are actually subscribed-”

childe leaked your relationship by accident once by having a tab open of your instagram while he was streaming.

when chat confronted him, he kind of just… ended stream. (real smooth.)

fans went to your instagram afterwards and saw pictures of you two together and started posting them to twitter, and childe ended up on trending because of it.

you felt indifferent to the whole thing, but childe was panicking. he didnt want to let his viewers into that part of his life just yet, but he was, scientifically speaking, caught lacking.

you dont appear on streams much, and childe still avoids allegations about your relationship entirely. its not that he doesnt want to show you off, he does! he just doesnt like having less differentiation between his online persona and his private life.

“whos instagram are you stalking…? thats gonna be all from me chat goodnight!”

KAEYA - THE VALORANT STREAMER

kaeya doesnt play valorant because hes good at it, but because its fun to mess with the fanbase.

you know THOSE vtubers who are.. weirdly sexual? kaeya is like that but he does it in a satirical way. 

likes messing with the homophobes too, but everyone still debates on what his sexuality is (kind of like jschlatt.)

definitely is problematic on twitter on purpose just to get people to talk about him, hes a little bit of an attention whore but we love him anyways <3

has never apologized for anything hes said or done EVER, and doesnt plan on it either.

“what do you mean i got canceled on twitter AGAIN? its only been 3 days!”

chat didnt believe him when he said he was in a relationship. so be dragged your ass into his room to show them.

it didnt work though, they thought you were a paid actor for the next 2 months LMAO

it got to a point where kaeya was doing literally anything on stream to convince chat, and finally you had enough.

you told him to take a break from streaming, he was way too obsessed with trying to prove something that doest matter to anybody but the two of you.

something finally clicked in his head, and after that you dont appear on camera as much anymore. for the most part people believe that you two are together, but hell still get donations joking around that they dont think youre a couple, simply because its funny.

“thank you for 200 bits! ….i am retracting my thank you.”

XIAO - THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS PLAYER

i dont have any reason for this connection, other than it feels right.

if xiao werent a league player i would suggest smite, he just seems like hed be more into team games like that rather than overwatch or valorant.

just because hes my favorite doesnt mean im letting him off easily, league players get no rights <3 and xiao is no exception.

unironically listens to k/da as well, knows all the choreography but will literally never admit to it.

everyone in his chat has channel points stacked up to tell him to hydrate, he tends to forget when he gets really into the match.

“stream more by k/da for clear skin. no i will NOT be giving you a demo, i dont want a dmca.”

youre xiaos number one bully, and chat is always there to back you up.

when i played lol i was an ahri main, so stick with me here, its about to get real self indulgent.

youre a cosplayer, and one of your favorite ways to mess with your boyfriend is to dress up as his favorite characters. (peak s/o behavior right there.)

chat teased him heavily for his reaction, you could hear my chemical romance being blasted from the bedroom that night.

something about the cosplayer x gamer trope is just sooo <3

“you have no respect for league of legends players.” (duh - an ex league player)

HU TAO - THE DEAD BY DAYLIGHT PLAYER

when hu tao first heard about dbd i imagine she thought it would be an easy way to gain new clients, now she sticks around because its fun to terrorize people as killer, and be an absolute menace as survivor.

i think shed be a nurse main, but one of those that are insanely good at playing nurse. she wins the game in no time because her teleports are perfect. 

i can only imagine how many people have rage quit because of her.

along with dead by daylight, i see her just overall being a horror game player. lots of five nights at freddys, resident evil, etc.

shes never gotten scared on camera before, chat has tried but shes always one step ahead.

“i lied, i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on i need to explain to you the entirety of the five nights at freddys timeline.”

hu taos favorite pastime is scaring you, she stays on top of the newest horror content specifically because of that. (oh, and its also kind of her brand. but she puts you first <3)

shed sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if youre playing dead by daylight together. she always says if at least you survive its good enough of a victory for her too.

she also has gone on record to say yall are playing the security breach dlc the day it drops. run while you still have the chance.

youve tried to convince her to tweet at shayne and ryan about being on an episode of ghost files but everytime she just suggests to play phasmophobia instead. like cmon girl those are two different things.

even thought shes trying to scare you on purpose, you know shes always got your back if something happens.

“ha look at your face! …okay okay im sorry! come here, youre fine, ive got you.”

[scarsforsupper]

Maybe a hc or drabble where the reader playfully makes fun of Viktor’s accent. :))

Your accent... Its beautiful

Viktor x gn! reader (wc: 1.7k) (unchecked n unrevised)

once again i apologize for the hiatus T_T as a thank you for 200+ followers i post agen!! also first time to finish a req in one sitting B) also im sorry i couldnt make it into full on playful making fun bc im scared itd get offensive T_T xori 4 d shitty quality em rustee

Viktor was born into a family that has long traveled to different places ever since the first generation. Due to the constant moving and adaptation, his ancestors started picking up accents originating from the ‘ethnicity’ of the place and society they were born into. He ended up being born with a unique accent—Slavic being the most accurate description, as did one of his parents, the other hailing from a different ancestry. Spending his childhood in Zaun, his accent inevitably left peers and adults alike staring at him; sometimes even mockery. The way he pronounced his vowels usually were weaker than his consonants, periodically making him sound aggressive—or angry, at the most.

Now this was a very ironic idea, as should one take a glance at Viktor, with the cane and his gangly stature, most would think that the man is incapable of inflicting physical damage. Which was true, but for a different reason. Viktor saw no use for violence at all—he grew up with a very loving mother, and even though other kids would pick on him for needing a cane to walk, he saw no use for the execution of physical harm. It was as if it was innate in him to look for other solutions, only resorting to violence when absolutely needed.

When he received the letter from Councilor Heimerdinger, he had never felt so ecstatic and proud. Should he accept, he is expected to attend his first-ever class in the prestigious Academy of Piltover, where everyone there is always in the noble pursuit of greatness.

--------------------

You were late for class. Your first day of college.

Stealing a glance at your pocket watch, it was 7:56. You hastened your pace even more.

“4 minutes left?” You switched from a brisk walk to a hasty jog.

Loud yet quick footsteps echoed throughout the corridor as your eyes struggled to catch up with your pace, pupils scanning over the section plates above the doors. You were assigned to Lecture Hall no.3 for Advanced Mechanical Engineering, all students were, until the professor divides the room into separate sections.

There were two courses for Mechanical Engineering: General Mechanical Engineering and Advanced Mechanical Engineering, which you were in. The Academy sorts out the students’ best interests by examining their knowledge capacity and, if applicable, past inventions or innovations.

“Three!” Slowly pushing the wooden doors of the room which turned out to be bigger than you thought, at least more than half of the seats were occupied, leaving a few unoccupied.

You decided to sit near the edge, a few 6 rows from the front.

‘Better than none.’ Shrugging, you sauntered over towards a vacant seat, still slightly panting as you lowered. Only after you placed your satchel down were you able to realize how sublime the Lecture Hall was.

The walls appear to be made of wood; strips carved by what only an intricate hand can create. Large, quadrilateral glass panes dominated the opposite wing to the doors, allowing a view of what seemed to be the garden square of the academy. Sunbeams pierced through glass panes, illuminating what the candle-lit chandeliers hanging from above cannot. It was a scenery straight from a storybook.

‘Who knew things like these actually exist, but then again, as expected of the land's greatest academy.’

Abruptly, your daydream was blocked by a torso, someone had occupied the seat next to you.

Chestnut brown locks were neatly combed, parting slightly to the right, ends flitting upwards. He had a light complexion, but that’s not what’s special about it. Most white folks appear pale but he was glowing. Like he was appealing to challenge the sun itself.

He was skinny, but not sickly skinny. Sitting down, he placed his belongings atop the table, allowing you to catch sight of his hands. Fingers long and elegant, you could bet your life that his penmanship was as refined as he looked. The veins underneath bulged through every gesture, giving him an even more masculine appeal.

The man must have felt your stare on him, turning to look at you with curiosity albeit a tad bit of animosity within—having people stare at you in the underground never meant anything good.

As your eyes drifted upwards towards his face, the two of you shared a brief moment of eye to eye contact. You quickly averted your eyes pretending to look at something else, slowly turning your head back.

But you couldn’t stop thinking about it. About his eyes.

Oh, they were the most beautiful hue you have ever seen in all your years of existence. They were literal precious topazes, but even the gem itself can never measure up to the beauty of this man’s eyes.

This man’s…

‘Get a grip Y/N! You don’t even know his name!’

Viktor stifled in a giggle, he found you adorable for some reason. He didn’t feel the need to protect himself around you—something just told him that you weren’t that type of person. He chuckled now.

You were deep in your thoughts when you realized the room had ushered down collectively. Was the professor there? ‘There’s no one though?’

Suddenly, a lilting voice resonated about the lecture hall.

“A pleasant morning, my dear students!”

The professor was either tiny as hell, or haven’t entered the room because craning your neck apparently wasn’t enough for you to see him.

“My name is Heimerdinger. Please do call me Professor Heimerdinger, or professor for short! I am the Dean of the Academy, and the assigned instructor for this course.” Mutters and whispers were heard as students tried the name for size.

“I believe a few of you here had only just arrived,” his voice was sing-song like, “thus, I will give you a minute to settle down, my dear children!”

‘Where the hell is he!?’

Heat and blood started rushing to your head in frustration when a soft tap on your shoulder broke your stupor to spot the speaker. You turned to see that the man from earlier had been the one to take your attention.

You sat back and let him speak—but he didn’t. Instead, he pointed over to his 11 o’clock. You followed the direction of his glance, craning your entire torso slightly towards his seat, and there you saw the tiny professor that your eyes had been hunting so ferociously a few moments back.

Mouth forming an ‘O’ shape, you tilted back into your seat, muttering a soft ‘thanks’ towards the man.

“Oh by the way, what’s yo-“

Just as you were one step closer to knowing the mysterious man’s name, the professor announced once again.

“As I have introduced myself, you must introduce yourselves to the class as well! After all, it is very important for us to know each other. Do state your name, age, and you’re all set! Feel free to throw in a few fun facts about yourself too.”

The professor gestured to the girl in the far east of the room, signaling her to start the introductions. There were few too many seats before your turn, so you figured you could use this time to familiarize yourself with your block mates.

Minutes flew so quickly that you haven’t even remembered at least 10 names when it was your turn to speak.

You were the first to speak in your row, ‘Curse this,’ you stood and began to present yourself to the class.

“Hello. My name is Y/N, 21 years old. I enjoy the arts as a side hobby.”

Professor Heimerdinger smiled, “Welcome to the academy, Y/N.”

The sound of a huff was heard, accompanied by a careful thud of metal hitting the floor as the man to your side rose from his seat. It was the first time you saw his cane.

“Good day to you all, I am Viktor.”

‘Viktor…’

“I am 22 years of age, and I do love tinkering with various objects and writing notes in my free time.”

Sitting down, Viktor stretched his leg beneath the table, when a sound of astonishment reached his ears.

His voice was deep, husky in all the right places. Thicker yet so clear with emotion.

“Your…voice… no your… your pronunciation? Is that what you call it?”

His brows furrowed, “I think you mean accent.”

“It’s so cool—I mean its- It’s so beautiful and it's like listening to a reading only it’s in premium version-“

Viktor had never had anyone complement his accent. The least offensive one was a ‘weird,’ and that’s the least, mind you. To have someone compliment it was a whole new world to him, thus he didn’t know how to react.

He stayed silent, not a word erupting from his mouth.

“I- I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me. I’m sorry, Viktor.”

'No, no.. it's okay... I just-' Why couldn't he say anything!?

That was the first time you said his name, and although it had such a good ring to it, you hated the reason you were saying it.

A few more students left to introduce themselves, nearly 10 minutes have passed after your turn.

Feeling the fatigue from running in the hallway, you bowed your head to take a power nap when Viktor suddenly murmured.

“It’s okay. And, thank you.”

Slowly turning your head, him scratching his neck as he stole short glances at you, the corners of your mouth started to turn upwards, he could literally see the shine in your eyes.

Shooting a smile at him, he held in a chuckle, averting his gaze to anywhere but you, ears turning pink.

“Do you guys really pronounce consonants like you’re angry?”

‘Wow. That set the mood.’ Viktor rolled his eyes playfully.

“Yes but not. We are not angry.”

“The way you roll your ‘R’s’ is so unique.”

“Or so I’ve heard.”

“I wonder how you guys assign your word stresses.”

“The same as you guys.”

“Oh! Also, when you say ‘note,’ try to loosen your tongue, so people won’t misinterpret things.”

He answered, “Thank you for the advice, but, eh, I do not believe it is still possible for me to change the way I pronounce certain words. Were I still a child that may still be possible.”

“I understand. I’m Y/N by the way!” You held out your hand to him, feeling extremely giddy that you had already made a friend.

“You told the entire class earlier,” he rolled his eyes again playfully—he’s rolled his eyes too many times in one sitting already, “but I’m Viktor.” With a smile, he shook your hand.

[bookwyrminspiration]

i was scrolling through your blog again today and i got down to that ask i sent you about chapter 11 and....wow. i just checked and it's.......7477 words. the essays i write for school are less words than that??? thank you for getting me back into writing????

amd im still thinking about chapter 11 and what it could all mean, too! i havent the faintest clue where this is going and i am so grateful for it. a lot of the time i have the unfortunate ability to guess where things are gonna go so whenever something stumps me i am !!!!

and i realized i never replied to your reply on ao3, so i guess i'll take the opportunity and do that now? thank you a lot for replying to it with your own thoughts! im very excited to see where the connection linh and marella have to the dragons goes. dragons are great since they can really be anything, too, so i dont even know what you're gonna have them look like! and if they are part-dragon, itd be really interesting if maybe they were different kinds of dragons, since it would make sense for linh to be a rain or river dragon, but marella has her fire and all. either way, im super stoked for the future of the wings au! thank you tons for writing it :']

(i still have no idea whats going on with oralie and bronte's messages, though....maybe ill reread what you said on that and see if i can find any hints. i should probably do a reread of the chapters so far, too, to make sure i havent missed anything....)

- pyro

welcome back, pyro!! also oh damn that's a lot of words--also several of my posts on here are longer than essays I turn in. Just the other day I wrote an answer that was 1200 words...and my paper due this sunday for my contemporary social problems class is supposed to be between 600 and 900 (haven't started it yet but i'll be fine).

I think you're talking about the post that starts "So. Chapter 11. I have many thoughts." But if it's a different one that's also fine! also you're welcome, I think! Anything I've done to help you write and be creative is super cool!! i'm always a little shocked when I see people creating things based on stuff I've done--fanart and asks and things like that in general! just people thinking! I was just scrolling through my blog and saw a few art pieces from you about the wings au and I just sat there for a moment like oh fuck ve made a thing for my thing. So cool!

I am also thinking about chapter 11 tbh (I think you sent this before chapter 12 was posted so you're probably thinking more about chapter 12 now but still!!) Also I'm so glad you're confused about where this is going--I get so worried that my twists are gonna be predictable and bland so it's always nice to hear that there are some surprises along the way! But even if you do guess things that's also excellent! because it means what I wrote made sense and is believable! there can be a certain amount of satisfaction in guessing, but it's also so much fun to be surprised. Hopefully the au is full of several more surprises for you because I am not done yet! I have so many plans and ideas and I want to share them all.

oh also this reminded me I never responded to your comment on chapter 12 on ao3. oopsie. that's what I get for having such a busy schedule I guess! but!! I think things will kinda calm down in the new few days and then I can get back to writing and answering asks more. Had several things disrupt me and make life very chaotic, hence less frequent posts recently--still trying to recover from that! so I will reply to that comment soon, I promise! (and to all your asks!!)

also all your thoughts and speculations about dragons are so cool!! that's actually something that's coming up very soon in the au so I can't talk about it a lot without spoiling! but if you couldn't tell from Marella sneaking out, there's gonna be a little more focus on her for a little bit. the dragons have actually gotten more complex in my head as the au has gone on. they're were accidental, so I didn't think to much about what they'd look like or their purpose aside form the immediate shock factor, but now...I have several thoughts about them!! and Linh's connection...was also an accident but I'm so pleased with it. Do we know exactly what that connection is? nope! but it's not the same as Marella's and it's gonna be really fun to explore what is happening to the two of them!

"either way, im super stoked for the future of the wings au! thank you tons for writing it :']" thank you for reading it! your enthusiasm has really helped me through some of the tougher spots and kept me going. it wouldn't be the same without you! I wouldn't say I cater to the readers, but knowing what excites everyone and catches interest helps me make decisions on what to focus on later! and also gives me ideas for things to add in! and I'm also very excited for the future of this au--I have some ideas that are probably gonna be a pain in the ass to execute but I can't wait to get to them! they're still a ways off but ahh!

and those messages...so much meaning behind them. so cryptic! this is actually one of those bigger ideas I was just talking about! so if you do figure it out (not that I would tell you) you might have an idea of what's coming in the wings au in the future! I don't remember exactly what hints I gave, but I do think it's entirely possible to figure out at least parts of the clue! what it leads to is mostly me making up worldbuilding things and drama, but the hints are drawn from canon!

also if you do reread the chapters...good luck? there's so many words I wish you luck. according to google the average reader would take five hours to read that, but that's at 200-250 wpm, and I don't know your reading speed! honestly I should probably reread the au for inspiration for future chapters...we can reread it together!!

[icharchivist]

hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.

anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.

something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.

i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger” and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!

when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!

time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha

WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.

OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D

godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!

And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O

For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)

Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*

HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.

And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT

and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??

yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF

aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.

and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!

I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!

and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(

And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)

but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.

I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.

I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(

But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.

AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!

im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!

thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!

Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c

[wanda-peitro-lorna-maximoff]

Chapter 4

Part one here:

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Morgana was 16 now. Itd been a year since her father Uther announced she would be of marrying age. At the very least of age to be promised to someone, and it was easy to say that Morgana was not pleased at all. Arthur had tried to sway their father, as gently as he could without angering him, but Uther wasnt having it. The old man was already confined to his room, sick beyond repair, and he 'had to make sure his children were taken care of.' It didnt matter how. It didnt matter if Arthur would be miserable as a young king, or Morgana miserable as a house wife; as long as they were taken care of. And that's when Morganas teen rebellion really kicked in. Everyone knew about it, Morgana would sneak out late, making it incredibly easy for anyone to find her going to see her latest 'crush' of the week. She didnt mind the gossip-- she even welcomed it. The one suitor who had been at the castle when he heard about her 'cheating' - which, for the record, the prince had only asked Uther to court her; never morgana herself- was absolutely mortified. And Morgana couldnt have been prouder. Gwen and Arthur were... reasonably a bit embarrassed, but they had about as much of a chance of stopping her as Uther did. And if Gwen was really being honest, she found it hilarious. All Morgana had to do was ask for a kiss from a fair lady and the busybodies in the castle would get to work.... unfortunately the more it happened the more Gwen and Arthur were less amused. Gueinivier couldnt quite put her finger on it but it made her stomach turn whenever she saw Morgana kissing some other lady... Arthur was more annoyed in general, in a brotherly way.

But today seemed different. A lot more relaxed... no one was giving her letters from princes' or kings, and no need to ask for more favors from the ladies in the town or working in the castle. The perfect day to get up to something with Morganas favorite people in the world... Gwen and Arthur. ... well, Gwen was definitely a favorite, arthur really got on her nerves a lot, but he was still her brother. So that's what brings us to the now. Gwen and Morgana walking through the forest in comfortable silence... Arthur had unfortunately been roped into another meeting with the king and the round table, so the two thought to make it a girls day. As they walked, Gwen couldnt help but let her mind wander, glancing over to Morgana... it was true, the Pendragon siblings were both very good looking. Anyone anywhere would love to be their king or queen... but gwen loved them beyond their looks. Morgana was mischievous, mysterious and bold. Arthur was strong, dependable and kind... the two put her head in a tizzy. But with Morganas.... escapades lately... she couldnt help but give the witch the cold shoulder. The secrets and kisses from other girls were funny and cute at first but now they had gotten a bit more frequent... a little more bold. And unfortunately, Gwen was far too good at hiding her true intentions because Morgana hadn't even noticed anything was wrong. Sure she had acted a little off at times but, times were strange now... with her fathers declining health and tensions on making sure Arthur was ready to be king...

... and then Gwen nearly jumped out of her skin. Her thoughts were so abruptly interrupted by a sudden presence that she let out a squeak in suprise. the suprise guest in question laughed at her reaction, along with Morgana.

Mab had been watching the two for a few minutes, waiting for a good moment to suprise them and drop from her place in the trees. "Hello you two." Mab put her arms around the girls. Admittedly it had taken her a while to accept Gwen even as an acquaintance. But what really sealed the deal for Mab was Gwen's pure, genuine fascination. Whenever she looked at magic and its byproducts her expression held nothing but amazement, wonder and fondness. And if anything, Mab wanted to keep amazing her, just to see that look on her face. It never failed to make her laugh. "I'm suprised you're both out today..." the princess trailed off, and Morgana groaned. "Its been absolute hell back at the castle." She rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders for emphasis, to which Gwen chuckled and shook her head. "They... that is, Arthur and Morgana... have had their hands full to say the least." Gwen further explained to Mab, who got a thoughtful look on her face before replying. "Sounds like you've come to the right place to decompress then." She winked at the girls before wordlessly leading the way further into the woods...

"Ahhhh...." Morgana sighed in relief as she sunk down in the fairy made hot spring. She didnt realize how much tension she was holding in her neck and shoulders until now, but the hot water was absolutely amazing on her muscles. All that running away from terrible princes, knights and responsibilities does a number on ones self she supposed... "Are you two done yet?? The waters going to get cold." Morgana called through the thick veil of greenery to Mab and Gwen, who were currently whisper fighting with eachother. Since neither girl was exactly ready for a suprise swim, Mab had let them borrow some of the stollen goods she... acquired as offerings in her woods. People who dont want to be kidnapped, killed, cursed or worse always left her a little something at the threshold of her home. And the few cloaks she'd acquired she allowed Morgana and Gwen to use... they were her least favorite anyway. But honestly, Mab didn't see *why* you needed to cover up around others while you swam, showered, bathed, etc. It was a completely foreign concept to her, but she got a kick out of the red faces from Morgana and Gwen she just told them both to hop in. "I cant just go in! What if its... not secure enough." Gwen gestured to the 'swim-suit' Mab fashioned for her. "Well, then itll fall off. What do you *think* would happen?" Mab hissed back at her sarcastically. "You'll be fine. Its not like she'd bite you.... well..." Mab had to reconsider that. Gwen shoved her arm and the faerie princess grinned. "Follow my lead." She said confidently, Gwen watching as Mab strutted out. She had her usual attire on. Not uncommon, since it looked like the plants that made up her base clothing were just a part of her; but the few nice touches of clothing or signs of humanization were gone.

She stopped at the far end of the spring before jumping in and swimming over to Morgana with ease. "Come on Gwen." Mab said impatiently, and Morgana shouted after her. "Sooner you get here the sooner we can play water games!"

Gwen took a deep breath. Be brave. Just like them. She rolled her shoulders and closed her eyes, calming herself down before opening them again, now with new determination. Her nerves wouldnt get in the way of this rare day off. So, she took off running... and dove into the water. She could hear Mab and Morgana clapping and laughing above, swimming over to them now as she breached the surface. "That was amazing!" Morgana said with a big grin. "One things for sure we've got to do that together-- just... neyoooommm... " she put her fist in the water suddenly, making a splash. "See how big a splash we can make..."

"Well. One things for sure, the fun is only just beginning." Mab gave them a mischievous smile.

The fun was officially in full swing. Mab had invited a few fresh water sirens to come play a guessing game with them, and it only escalated from there.

Some of the river nymphs were playing as a referee for the games going on; some of the kelpies at the bottom of the hot-water would sing while a few of the fae would try and guess what they were singing. Some of the sirens were playing a competitive diving game with their treasures; bits of bone, a pearl or two. Whoever got to it first kept it. Which, without supervision quickly devolved into a bloody fight. A few of the not-so-water-resistant creatures were having loads of fun just on the shore, making flower crowns for any winners and not so subtly trying to help the contestants who they thought were the cutest. Morgana had joined Gwen in the kelpy game, since the creatures had a tendency to drag any losers down underwater and drown them... but Gwen was doing suprisingly well. Morgana was only a little bit jealous. Mab had split from the girls briefly to compete with the sirens, winning a few games and rejoining her friends once she had enough trophies of victory. They came to sit with eachother at the edge, all three of them smiling to themselves and basking in the fun. "So. How's your day off been?" Mab asked them with a grin. "Well considering Gwen's won more games than I... I'd say not so well." Morgana joked, making Gwen laugh. "Well, I can give you some pointers next time." She winked and nudged Morgana with her elbow; making Morgana blush just a little. "Well. Either way you both look just about ready to join the sirens with the way you're pruning up there. Let's get you two dry." Mab hopped out of the 'pool' and shook herself dry a bit. "Okay *mom* " Morgana teased as Gwen and her followed. "No you pronounced it wrong. Its MAB." Mab corrected her. Morgana wasnt super sure if she was being serious or not, but it didnt matter. Mab lead them to a closed off area where she stashed the twos clothing. "Once you're dressed we can do some land-games." Mab winked at them, squeezing out her hair. Gwen and Morgana went over and grabbed their clothes as Mab got some cloth to help dry them. The fae girl allowed them both a screen of ivy and vines to get dressed in a bit of privacy...

Today was... something else. Gwen couldnt remember the last time shes had this much fun. The amazing wonders around her filled her head with dreams and her heart with hope and longing for adventure... discovering more and finding things no ones ever seen before... but only if it was with her friends. As cliche as it was... she wanted Morgana... Arthur, even Mab there with her. Wherever the road took her. They completed her in a way she could never have imagined. She wanted to be there for them. Just as they would for her... Gwen had many friends as a child. But when her family moved to Camelot, all of it was ripped away from her. She wondered sometimes... if they thought of her. But the Pendragons and this magical world... took the heartache away.... but... recently? With Morgana..? The heartache returned... no it wasnt the same as before. No force on earth could take Morgana away from her. No, the heartache wasnt one of sadness... it was longing. So similar but so different. The heartache that belonged to Morgana was one that was bitter-sweet. Whenever she looked at her it was the feeling of coming home to a warm fire and sweet fruit.

So then... why did the thought of being with Morgana... hurt at the same time?

..she knew the answer. Arthur. She loved arthur just as she loved Morgana. And yet... not. They were so different but she loved them all the same. The kind of love she'd want to come home to and kiss before bed every night.... Arthur and Morgana... were her love.

Meanwhile, Morgana got dressed. Nothing in particular was on HER mind. No... but something was on Mabs...

The faerie peaked her head through to Morganas side. Seeing she was infact decent. Mab had been infatuated with Morgana for a long time. She'd known it in her gut. Shes told so many of her friends and they all dismissed it as wanting a pet. And shes seen fae have human pets... the feeling wasnt the same. For them It was control... dominance and cruelty. But Mab wanted Morgana for the very reason just to love her. When she thought about kissing Morgana her heart raced, when she thought about curling up with her, going to bed and waking up to see her face everyday... it made her heart hurt with how much she wanted that. Real love...

"Morgana." Mab began... there was a pause. "... Mab?" Morgana questioned her. She looked incredibly suspicious... was this the start of some prank? "I..." Mab stepped further in. "Wanted to tell you something." She crossed her arms loosely. Mab had never actually planned this part out. She always figured that somehow, someway, she'd just sweep Morgana off her feet and Morgana would have no choice but to practically marry her on the spot!.... but this was definitely not how things were going to go. Morgana was... difficult to really wow, or 'sweep feet'. "... okay." Morgana narrowed her eyes at the faerie, getting ready for some sort of prank or attack of some kind... Mab walked closer... and awkwardly put her hand on Morganas shoulder... and came in closer... until the side of her face touched the side of Morganas... okay so maybe it wasnt 'telling' her anything... Mab didnt even know if she could say the right words... but she hoped and metaphorically prayed that Morgana understood.

She did. It was an intimate gesture. Mab trusted her... to turn her face to her and keep her close; faces touching just slightly. This was big... and Morgana couldnt help the huge suprised grin that spread across her face. Off and on throughout their friendship she's thought about it-- being with Mab. Theres no doubt that they got along and shared so many things in common, but she never even dreamed that Mab would come to her first. And like this.

Mab slowly pulled away. Looking reserved and guarded, waiting for Morganas reaction... still hopeful she understood, and accepted. "So... you like me?" Morgana asked with her grin. Mab looked just a little insulted at that. "Of course I like you! What do you think I am? An idiot? It would be stupid of us not to court! We love the same things, we're already so close and we-" Mab was cut off by Morgana kissing her on the cheek. "Ah yes. How could I argue with such air tight logic?" She asked sarcastically. Mab was completely frozen for a moment. "Is that a yes?"

Morgana smiled. "Does this answer your question?" She pulled Mab back in and kissed her. The faerie could feel her heart hammering in her chest. She pulled Morgana as close as she could, and kissed her back... unbeknownst to them, the screen Mab created was falling apart into beautiful wild flowers to reveal the scene to Gwen...

When Gwen saw the two... she felt like she was going to vomit. Not out of disgust. Never. But she never thought that seeing her secret love and good friend kissing could break her heart so much... she just stood there. Frozen.... until Morgana noticed. And she laughed.

"Wow. Look at miss queen of the fae... cant control her plants when shes kissing." Morgana teased Mab, who was now red in the face, looking around to see Gwen and of course... no screen of greenery. "A-um- i- I can control them! I can do... anything!" Mab argued. Morgana laughed. "Does that include making your face go as red as my hair?" She asked. And honestly... in the moment... gwen couldnt help but laugh along..... it was better than being heart broken.

[golden-van-fleet]

Your Song

Summary: Gwilym has loved you for a long time and will continue to.

Word Count: ~2.2k

A/N: Hi! I needed to write about Gwilym. I’m not sure about the format? Also on mobile for this one. Enjoy!

It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I’m not one of those who can easily hide

Despite Gwilym being an actor, his fatal flaw was his inability to hide what was on his mind. The entire world knew how he felt about you, except for, well, you. It made his stomach turn, to see you with a man that wasn’t him, holding his hand, kissing his cheek, calling him “babe”. He hoped, wished, and prayed desperately to be that man.

I don’t have much money, but boy if I did

I’d buy a big house where we both could live

He knew you wanted a big house in the countryside. It’d been your dream for as long as either of you could remember. In fact, it was the first thing he bought with his paycheck from Bohemian Rhapsody. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t dream of the two of you living there like Allie and Noah in The Notebook. He didn’t want to buy your love, per se, but if he could afford what you wanted, he wanted to be able to spoil you. For only being your best friend, he treated you a hell of a lot better than that boyfriend of yours ever could. Any of them, really.

And it wasn’t lost on you. You’d lost a couple boyfriends because they felt they couldn’t compete with Gwilym, and they couldn’t. Gwilym was over the top for you and only for you. When he bought the house, you were stunned. He constantly had you over, one of the guest rooms unofficially becoming your room. You’d been by his side before the fame and the fortune, it was only fair in his eyes that you were still there after it.

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no

Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show

I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do

My gift is my song and this one’s for you

Every performance he did as Brian May was with you in mind. Gwilym was willing to go to the ends of the earth to prove that he was worthy of your love, to prove to you that he was the one you needed. He knew, rationally, you never needed a man to be happy or to succeed. He also knew, selfishly, that he was the one for you. This was a man willing to bend over backwards for you at any given moment, knowing you would do the same.

And you can tell everybody that this is your song

It may be quite simple but now that it’s done

I hope you don’t mind,

I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world

The day you met was a day he’d never forget. Your eyes piercing back into his own, a stare that sent a delicious shiver down his spine. It wasn’t a malicious stare, it was one of amusement. You were working at a local coffee shop while finishing your bachelor’s degree around the same time Gwilym began filming one of many up and coming projects. He’d come in with an agenda, a man on a mission, but when his eyes met yours, he babbled like an infant. You were so kind, you didn’t make fun of him, you smiled a little and let him compose himself.

Ever since that day, he made a point to visit you at work, seated at one of the tables in the corner as long as he could be without disturbing you, your coworkers, or the other patrons. You found it sweet, and your heart ached to get to know him.

So you did. He’d been to your apartment more times than the members of your family had over the course of the next year. It was around that year mark Gwilym realized he couldn’t live without you. It was also around the time you’d started your string of terrible boyfriends.

Gwilym couldn’t thank you enough for changing his quality of life. You breathed a life into everything that he’d never been able to find. Life by your side was beautiful. You never let him dwell on the bad, and as hard as it could be to find the good sometimes, he always tried. If not for his sake, then for yours.

I sat on the roof, and kicked off the moss

Well, a few of the verses, well they’ve got me quite cross

He had to tell you. He couldn’t say it to your face, but he couldn’t not say it to your face. He wrote letter after letter, page after page, hoping that something, anything would encapsulate his feelings about you. Late night after late night, he failed to document exactly what he wanted to say. He didn’t want to plan out what he wanted to say, but he needed it to be everything he’d had on his mind for years.

When you showed up at his door during one of those late nights, he told himself as soon as he opened the door he’d tell you. What he didn’t expect was to see you sobbing, throwing yourself at him. He caught you before you could hit the floor, catching a glimpse of you before you buried your face into his shoulder. Your eyes were puffy and swollen with tears, your face red and stained with tear tracks. It absolutely broke his heart.

“He broke up with me,” you whimpered. “Almost two years, I thought I was going to marry this man, and then suddenly I’m not good enough?”

But if only you knew how good enough you were. Gwilym saw the sun rise and set within you. You were the very center of his universe. He couldn’t tell you now, you’d just had your heart broken. He could try, in vain, to tell you how wonderful he found you and about the total joy you brought to his life, but his dark secret would have to wait a little longer.

You climbed out onto the roof outside the guest room window, the full moon hanging bright above your head. There was a gentle, almost imperceptible breeze floating through the summer night. This was your favorite part of the house. It was your hideaway, wrapped around the back of the house with a full view of the river in the background. It felt as though time stood still when you were there. You found yourself lost in the peacefulness of it all until Gwilym squeezed himself through the window frame to sit with you.

“He thought you and I had something going on on the side. I told him that you were my best friend, that you always would be, that without you there is no me. And he was jealous.” You sniffled, the tears of sadness now transformed to tears of resentment. “But maybe he had a reason to be jealous. You’re all I need in my life.”

Gwilym was nothing short of stunned. That was the first time in his life that he was utterly lost for words.

“I- I can’t be your rebound, Y/N. I’ve loved you for far too long to let myself be who builds you up for someone else to tear back down. You mean too much to me for that.” He felt a tear slip down his cheek. His heart was on the line. As much as he wanted to be with you immediately, to hold you in his arms and never let go, he couldn’t. Not right now.

“I’m not saying I want to jump from him to you. But I did a lot of thinking on the drive over here. You’ve always been there for me. You’ve been this support, this rock, and I can’t help but feel I’ve taken it for granted. And for that, I’m so sorry. I know the way you look at me when I’m not looking because I look at you the same way. I always have. And maybe I was too afraid of ruining what we had built up so beautifully. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour, and that’s what we did. We’re still doing it. So if you’ll let me, I’d like to keep building it, I want to know that it’s not going to go away after tonight.”

He forced himself to look at you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. It would never go away. It couldn’t.

But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song

It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

Over the course of the following months, your relationship bloomed into the blossom it was destined to be. The dark cloud that hung over Gwilym’s head had finally given way to the warm rays of the sun, and he embraced them fully. Loving you was diving head first into a pool that had no bottom. There was always a new depth to be reached, and when he thought he’d reached his capacity, there was always more.

You noticed the change, welcomed it, and encouraged it. Gwilym was finally back to the man he was when you first met. The man that you thought you were going to fall in love with. However, you’d hung that up when he brought over one of his girlfriends, unannounced, to your flat the night you were going to tell him how you felt. It crushed you, but you couldn’t tell him that. To know that now, it wouldn’t happen again, he was yours? It was heaven in and of itself.

So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do

You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue

Anyway the thing is what I really mean

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

He had to ask you to marry him. He made up his mind before the two of you had even been together six months. It took half a lifetime, or so he thought, to get with you in the first place. Hell, you’d moved in together after two months together, what difference would it make?

He found himself in the same position he was years and years prior, back in that tiny coffee shop. Your eyes were focused intently on his, your smile kind and your hand relaxed in his. Gwilym was in his element, at home, alone, with you. And there, in the comfort of your shared bed, he was going to ask you to be his wife, and he couldn’t choke the words out. All he could do was present you with the ring first.

“Marry me. Please,” he added, softening what sounded like a demand.

“Easily,” you smiled, pulling his face towards yours and locking your lips into a breathless kiss. “I would marry you a million times over.”

He found himself in the same predicament when it came to your vows.

“I’m not usually one to forget what I’m saying before I say it, but you look so beautiful I can’t help myself,” he began, chuckling as he bashfully wiped away a tear. “I had this whole thing planned about how you were the one for me and I knew from the moment I met you, but even to this day you render me speechless. So forgive me if I cut this a bit short, but I’d really love to call you my wife sooner rather than later.”

And you can tell everybody this is your song

It may be quite simple, but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

When your daughter was born with your bright, beautiful eyes, Gwilym cried more than he ever thought he would. He was so gentle with her, so gentle with you… You couldn’t love him more if you tried.

Despite having your eyes, your daughter was Gwilym’s clone. She had her father wrapped around her tiny little finger from the first cry she let out the day she was born. Gwilym immediately switched into protective dad mode, refusing to let her go without a fight. Unless she was going to you, of course. But even that took a little convincing.

One night, about three weeks after she was born, Gwilym got up in the middle of the night to tend to her. He took the wailing newborn out of her bassinet in your bedroom to the rocking chair in what would be her nursery.

“Alright, love, it’s okay.” He’d done everything he could think of to soothe her and nothing was working, and the last thing he wanted to do was wake you. He unbuttoned the front of her onesie, placing the newborn over his heart. He’d been told to try skin to skin bonding whenever he could, and by some miracle, it calmed her down.

Gwilym didn’t realize he was humming until he started to sing lyrics to a song he didn’t realize he knew.

I hope you don't mind,

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Your song had had its share of wrong notes and tweaked lyrics. It conveyed a full spectrum of emotions, highlighting the ups and the downs that came with life and love. Your song was unique, and Gwilym was blessed to share it with you.

[dont-follow-me-im-scared]

My worst goodbye

Per my therapist request im "journaling" breakup I guess. I mean its been a long time coming but this time it was real and needed to this might be long but here goes:

The force,

I dont even know where to start so I'll start from the begining. The night I met you, when I walked into that bar I had no intention of meeting my soul mate. Yes soul mate. I never believed in them until I met you. But after 9 long years ive learned sometimes we meet our soul mate and we dont get to keep them. I had quite a bit to drink, see you didnt know this but I was 19 I just looked old enough to be there and I had gotten divorced a few months before my world would be forever rocked and changed. The night carried on the christmas air was no match for the drink and the long sleeve I had on. I removed layers the more I drank and I stayed close to the bar. This tall man with the bluest eyes id ever seen was taking care of my drink needs but young me saw a mountain I wanted to climb. I was informed you were married when the regulars realized my attention wasnt going anywhere but you. I flashed the bar (dumb kid is probably what you thought) but everyone in there knew it was for you. Hell I said I wouldnt do it unless you were there. The night carried on, my friends were restless trying to protect whatever modesty they felt I had that night. I wanted to go to the after party I was told youd be attending. They refused and wanted to get me home. Closing time was coming. I wrote my number on a napkin and waited. You went back towards the bathrooms and I knew somehow in my awe struck drunken stuper that was my chance. I walked back caught you right at the end of the hall. Do you remember what I said? I can. The words and moment is forever burned into my brain. "I can keep a secret". Slipped my number into your front pocket smooth as fuck. Which isnt me. But you know that right? Because after that night you saw sides of me no one was ever allowed to see. You saw me grow as a person and into a woman. That was the begining of the end. That singular moment with rumple on my breathe as I stood on my tip toes to lean as close to your ear as I could when I spoke those words. I took in how you smelled. I had no idea soon that smell would be my favorite and put my spirit at ease.

I woke up the next morning with a text from an unknown number. Then the conversation started. You filled in the parts of the night that wasnt clear. You made me nervous. A sensation that would never die down. Tuesday. She'll be at work. Dinner and hang out at the house? Sure. I bet you thought you were getting lucky that night. Not as lucky as I was going to be I guess. Because see even though this is a goodbye, and one thats tearing me apart I was so lucky to feel this. Not everyone gets to experience this with anyone in their entire life. You had a young child. Maybe 3 months I think. Timing in the universe is shitty like that. We sat on the couch. Me almost shaking with nerves but trying to keep my calm because I refused to look a fool in front of you. Do you remember what we watched? Big bang theory. And from then on anytime I saw an episode (I never watched it myself) my thoughts would gravitate back to that couch with you. Do you know how hard thats going to be on me now because that shows everywhere. I guess thats not your problem though. We didnt have sex. I was too nervous and I mean I felt like I was going to puke you made me so nervous. But there was a warmth. This tiny spark of a fire that was felt by me at least. We made out alot. But everytime you reached for my belt my gut screamed "No! Not yet" and ive never been one to ignore my gut. I left. I parked my car a few houses down. The late December air felt so cold against my face because my cheeks were burning like id be in the gym. This couldnt be real. I texted you when I got to the end of the street. "Im sorry I couldn't have sex with you I was so nervous if you dont want to meet up again i get it." I expected you to blow me off. I mean you are older and a bartender. I knew in my head what you were use to with women. I had only been with two people my whole life but you. You reeked experience. Then my phone did something that felt magical in the moment. It lit up with that text. That text reassuring me you wanted to see me again. The text that made me float the whole way home.

The visits became more frequent. Sex with you was amazing. You engulfed my body in what seemed like worship. Not one inch of me ignored. Hands and mouth just exploring the new territory. I was more adventurous. I wanted to make you happy in every way possible. Theres a need inside me to make sure youre happy. There's this new feeling like in a woman and not just some highschooler whos date is trying to get lucky. Theres a chemistry unmatched and indescribable in all honesty. It happened on the couch. The 2nd time I saw you. You carried my straddling body to your room all that was on was my unbutton jeans and your jeans. Your arms lifted me with such ease I gasped. I remember. See how much I remember. Your bedroom smelt like soap and the sheets smelled clean. The only light in the room was the green from the clock by your bed. Then before I knew it your mouth was where no other mans had been. You gave me a new experience I had been deprived of before. Then you were inside of me when I felt like my body was going to stop. Laying there after wards, your hands playing with my spine while we had small conversations in between sighs I considered if this could be forever. I knew right then you were different. I knew we were different. I knew there was something in my way but never desired to remove it. Your kiss at the front door when I was leaving had a longing. Like you didnt want to send me away. It was dark. The neighbors didnt know but as bright as I felt like I was shinning I wondered if they were peering out of the windows to see the source. Was any of this real for you? I dont think I want the answer because it was so real for me. This all sounds crazy. You're married and I knew but here I was.

It got to where id barley make it through your unlocked door without you scoping me up like youd waited all week to get your hands on me. The text in between visits didnt seem like enough any more. So I started doing what any logical in love person would do. I started getting hotel rooms and going to the bar on the weekends. I had to see you more. Hear your voice. See you smile at me from across that bar knowing I was picturing having you under me on every surface there. It made it fun right? Like we had a huge secret right in front of everyone. Including your sister in law who bartended with you some nights. It was a rush right? Knowing I was going to be in that weed infused hotel room half drunk mostly stoned in the see through black robe you love(d) so much. Knowing there was nothing between me and you but this thin fabric. Do you think people could see it on our faces? Your friends became mine because I was at the bar so often but none of them knew. Our conversations grew and we became friends who just happen to explode with this chemistry. It was more than what it had been but that was the most itd ever be. Remember the Halloween you dressed at a 20s gangster. Remeber the red dress i rushed into the bar in on new years eve so I could kiss you by midnight. Do you remember taking me in your arms around my waist and kissing me in front of everyone? I'll never forget because that was a moment where I thought this is how it could be. I met you for lunches. I met you at quicktrips for a five minute visit. Boyfriends came and went but you never left. I kept you around. Remember the apartments down the street I moved into so I could be closer. You whistling while I was waiting at my open front door. That smile. You nuzzling me after on the balcony while i smoked. I hated you had to leave me every time. You lingered in my door hesitant to walk away. The good thing about me living so close is you got to spend more time with me.

I stated you were my soul mate. I mean it. I have forever missed my chance with the one person I truly believe was made for me. All because a year of timing. You told me so many times had it not been for your baby youd leave. I believed you. I love my husband and my daughter but no one will ever light the fire you did inside me and still do. Which is why I need to walk away. Youre a source of confusion in my life. I cant allow myself to question if my relationships right because I dont have the feeling I did with you. Does that make me bad? I dont think so. I love him and dont want to hurt him which is why I have to do this. Cutting an imprint with you is one of the hardest things ive had to do but hurting him would be harder. I'll never forget a million things about you. Memories with you. I honestly hope you'll never forget me. I wish I could tell my daughter about you one day and how she never needs to settle unless someone makes her feel like you made me feel.

Love always

Youre biggest fan.

[tumblunni]

I had a really weird dream involving Dr Maddiman. Its a shame i can barely remember any of it and also it seems i woke up before it ended? Like i just had this overwhelming sense that allll the plot threads were gonna be wrapped up any second now and then BOOM awake. So just a whole bunch of random stuff happened with no real explanation at all.

It was some sort of post apocolyptic setting i think? Humanity was in these small isolated cities fighting against some sort of invading army but we never actually saw the aliens themselves. And some part of my brain was like "it makes sense its the same rules as a hairdresser and the design takes cues from a pack of AAA batteries". I have NO idea what that means! So basically everythibg was super vague and undescribed and dream-me just had a sense of already being a long time fan of this series and knowing enough to fill in the gaps. Apparantoy this was some sort of adaptation of a thing id already seen, but id been told the ending was different and more accurate to the manga? Also i wasnt actually a person watching this show i was still the protagonist of the show yet i acted like i'd been reincarnated and relived this week a million times or something

ANYWAY the way dr maddiman comes in is that he was some sort of 'brilliant but dangerous' expert the government had hired to help our fight against the aliens. It wasnt really explained why he was.. yknow.. maddiman. Like is this meant to be that ghosts also exist in this sci fi universe? Was he a half alien hybrid instead of a yokai? Was it just human maddiman with the personality of yokai maddiman due to ptsd...? In any case he didnt seem entirely tethered to the laws of reality and nobody knew exactly how he pulled off all his scientific miracles. He was treated as the only guy who could understand the mindset of the aliens, but that also made him dangerous because he trapped in the delusion of everything being okay and fun and happy and he often did evil things by accident while having good intentions. But they didnt have anyone else who'd cracked the code of the alien weaponry so they had to put up with him. He was just sorta assigned a crack team of secret agents whose job was Be The Old Man's Friend So We Dont All Die. Dont let him realise how the world is all destroyed and such, just play along with his goofyness and try and remind him to do his important work while dancing around why its important. it was super creepy how he was locked up and gaslighted like this!! And he was all 'oh im sure when im done with my ultimate experiment i can go home to my wife and kids' and yeah it was implied here that the same backstory applied :( 'distract the old man and validate his false opinion that his family is still alive and waiting for him' :( poor sci fi madds :(

Oh also for some reason he seemed to be wearing elements of Adventure era Dr Eggman's outfit? But just the general style of the coat and the wearing goggles that he never actually uses. And he had a very warm and cuddly autumnal colourscheme

Anyway i was part of the Super Secret Grampa Cherishing Division whose job was to act as his assistant but also secretly be packing a bazillion weapons to neutralize him if he poses a danger to humanity. But i started to genuinely care for the guy and question the 'any atrocity is permitted for the sake of saving the world' philosophy of my bosses. Also it was just very weird how it was this post apocolypse alien fighting action thing yet i didnt see ANY OF IT cos this story was confined to this one laboratory. It was surreal hearing about all this stuff happening offscreen!

I think Maddiman's main project was some sort of dimensional transport thing using salvaged alien tech? It was just a door in his lab that usually led to a closet but if he got it working itd teleport us straight to the alien base and save the world. And a lot of it wasnt explained but i got this great sense that itd all come together with a great twist ending evebtually but then i woke up before i got that far. Same for the reveal of this maddiman's new sci fi backstory and soooo many other dropped plot threads. Alas!

So anyway: closet. Closet with one of those bead curtain things cos i was thinking about them when i fell asleep. It was supposed to be a teleport but when it malfunctioned it had really scary negative effects warping people's biology and stuff. I remember one of the test subjects was sent in for a five day trip to a specific alternate dimension but then when they came back itd been several years and theyd had to survive in a deadly wasteland and been mutated into a hellbeast. And maddiman had a huge breakdown because he felt like his recklessness and optimism towards this experiment had caused this mistake to happen, and he'd never realized just how awful the consequences could be. He was babbling motor mouth discussing theories for where it went wrong and there was something like 'we'd only tested it for one day trips and assumed that just programming two of them would equal two days but actually with each additional number on the screen it multiplies the days by 3" And there was something about like...the bead curtain was the machine rather than the door itself? Like trying it on a bunch of different doors around the lab to try and find a way to cure this person.

And there was some sort of artificial intelligence computer with the personality of an adorable lil girl, who helped maddiman do calculations and stuff. She missed the mistake in this calculation cos her concept of linear time and the limits of human organs was kinda undeveloped. She only existed within the realm of numbers after all, and didbt even have functionality to record footage of her human friends's faces. No idea wtf a human looks like! So maddiman was lost in his desperate grief of potentially accidebtally killing or at least mentally scarring a person and the government would probably kill them now if they saw they were a super mutant. And he was sobbing and begging this AI to help, his last resort was her maybe being able to see a brainwave that he'd missed. But she was freaking out cos she didnt even fully understand why maddiman was crying let alone what to do to fix it. Eventually she did manage to find a solution theough some simple different logic thing that she had from her perspective as a computer. And that person was saved but still traumatized and maddiman had a moment of realizing just how high stakes everything was and freaking out. He was like 'whats wrong with my head, why didnt i notice that, why was i so reckless, why cant i seem to grasp basic human logic that i need right now" Having a big existential crisis of 'wait how did i even get in this lab, where's my family and why do i seem to have superpowers'. Protagonist mission: hide all the goddamn mirrors to avoid this weird ghostgramp (...aliengramp??) from realizing he's dead (..or an alien??) and losing control of himself. And everyone was running around talking about 'containment procedures' and poor maddiman didnt know that if his panic attack continued he might just straight up be killed for outliving his usefulness. So the protagonist was desperate to help him calm down and it sucked SO MUCH cos they had to lie about his past and weave the web of deception around him again for his own safety. In the end they just hugged him close until he calmed down, and all the other employees were like GASP THEY ACTUALLY TOUCHED THE EVIL DANGEROUS SUPER EVIL MAN and protag was like 'i am 1% away from slapping the next bitch who insults this grandpa'. And it was super depressing cos once he'd calmed down he seemed to start forgetting that anything bad had ever happened?? And he was really panicking and scared cos he didnt understand why he was forgetting, and he knew he had to cling onto something important but he didnt know what. And then five minutes later he was back to haha cheerful nothing is wrong and i love doing my fun science in this room im never allowed to leave. And protagonist was crying the tears that this poor gramp wasnt allowed to cry :(

Also actually i think maybe he was a ghost AND an alien? Like he was a scientist who died in some sort of tragedy back when the aliens first invaded, but along the way he'd been infected so his body got back up as a twisted combination of human and inhuman. And this was something unique to him, like he just happened to have a genetic mutation in his blood that was totally undetectable in life but happened to mix unpredictably with this alien virus to turn him into a hybrid instead of just killing him. So the government was very interested in finding a way to replicate this and create new supersoldiers, as well as just taking advantage of this dude's confused mental state that granted him a unique understanding of alien tech that made him more effective than other scientists. And, of course, also made him easy to manipulate :(

And i also had a feeling that maybe his backstory was mixed up with Adventure dr eggman? Like here it seemed he had a daughter instead of a son, and she had a similar death to Maria Robotnik where she was assasinated by the government he worked for, and it tipped him over the edge. I think Maddiman-alien-scifi-dude originally died trying to save her from being used in some sort of experiment? Like she was already dying of a disease and thats why maddiman took this job to have access to powerful government technology to try and look for a cure. But when the whole alien apocolypse happened, the evil government decided to use her for experiments cos she was 'basically dead anyway'. Theyd just lie and tell maddiman she died of her illness. So this was how they found out that this particular family's bloodline had a mutation that let them form a viable hybrid with alien dna. They were turning this poor kid into a monster in the basement while lying to her dad about her being dead! And maddiman was about to commit suicide from having no reason to live anymore, with the hell of this apocolypse world and the false impression that his kid was already dead. But somehow monster-daughter sensed this or something and broke out of containment to try and save him, and when he saw her he was able to recognise her even in her twisted state. So when the soldiers gunned her down in front of him and fed him some lies about this not being his daughter, he just completely snapped. He tried in vain to fight back and take down as many of them as possible in revenge, but well he was just a simple round dad with no ability to fight a government. So he was unceremoniously executed along with his kid and they shoved the bodies back in the lab to continue testing. "Damn that overemotional science dad, he made us execute our most valable test subject! But at least this way we can analyze his corpse to see if the mutation is passed down on the patrilineal side." But at some point during the fight, monster-daughter's blood had splashed on her dad and gotten into his bloodstream. So the seemingly dead body suddenly got up out of the morgue and started sucking people's blood or something. And this led to the current situation where they have him locked up cos he's a valuable test subject but also hey he has 100% reason to kill all of us and we're screwed if he remembers his past. Also i think the computer AI thing was his subconcious attempt to recreate the personality of his daughter even if he couldnt remember she'd ever existed :(

Anyway at some point things escalated and there was this final showdown versus both the invading aliens and the evil governmebt guys. I think there was some corrupt greedy politician dude who stole maddiman's teleporter tech and sold us out to the aliens cos he wanted money and power or something. And probably predictably the aliens just threw him off a bridge after he gave them the thing, because seriously even this evil army thinks these government dudes are too evil!

So this big actiony event was happening and Maddiman was freaking out like 'no no no i cant leave the lab everyone wpuld be mad at me, i dont even know what its like outside this room' even when he was in the middle of being attacked by aliens. He was forced to face his repressed memories to survive, and he naturally had a massive fuckin freakout! And i think maybe when protagonist character was trying to protect him he accidentally lashed out with his powers and hurt them, and he was so horrified thinking another person he cared about was gonna die because of him. Protagonist was like 'dont worry gramps its just a scratch' but he'd already freaked out and run away into the battlefield to his heavily implied death.

BUT THEN at some sort of moment of dire need, he came back all powered up and re-memoried and was like 'i have every reason to despise humanity but im not gonna let more children die because of these damn corporate monsters (and also literal monsters which are infinately less scary)" And he did some sort of great sacrifice to save the protagonist at the cost of his own life, and it was super dramatic falling from a building into a lake of fire or something. While sobbing and smiling peacefully thinkibg "did i atone for my sins? Will i be able to see my family again?" As his smiling face sunk beneath the flames and the protagonist cried out into the abyss...

Aaaaand then i dont really know what happened in the big battle and i also never found out wtf the solution was to fixing the transporter thing or how the aliens invaded or any of the million plot points that were non gramp related.

I just remember that when we all saved the day and defeated the baddies we found that maddiman had actually survived and it was a big hugs reunion. He was like "OH YEAH i totally forgot i literally already died once and regenerated from it, and this was the entire start to my story. My bad!" *shrugs inexplicably not dead arms*

So yeah in summary im glad my brain summoned up a universe where my favourite sad granddad is literally immortal now, but also why did it torment him with an even sadder plot than his original one

[eichscrocs]

Hey now, You’re an All-Star

January 11, 2019

@ edmontonoilers: YESSSS! ⭐️ #LetsGoOilers

@ edmontonoilers: Leon with some love for the fans after today's #NHLAllStar news! #LetsGoOilers

When Connor heard the news he was beyond thrilled, his 'liney' Leon was going to All Star too.

@ mcdavid97: All-Star bound with 29! 👊

Surely Connor had gone years previous, but none of them had included another one of his teammates, let alone the one he was dating. Connor liked to keep his life private for the most part, which included Leon too. Media was beginning to become suspicious, but in all honesty neither boy seemed to really care that much anymore. It was going to be a first time for the both of them; Leons first all star, and Connors first all star with his boyfriend. Surely a big reason Leon got voted in was Connors endless support, and maybe for the fact Connor had his whole family (distant relatives included) voting multiple times daily for him, but Leon didn't need to know that.

The beginning of the 2019 season did start out a little rough, so the break would be good for the both of them (besides the fact Connor managed to get Chia fired, but that's besides the point). The Oilers organization had known about the two boys relationship, and everyone was so supportive, especially Nuge who had been the reason they got together in the first place. In the locker room it was even the on going joke, and Ryan was often referred to as 'Ryan Love Whisperer Hopkins'. Connor and Leon enjoyed any privacy they got so the organization was surprised when the two had told them that they wanted to let everyone know they were together, but a little more subtle since both boys were quite reserved.

January 24, 2019

@ edmontonoilers: The dynamic duo had officially arrived in San Jose! #NHLAllStar #LetsGoOilers

If Connor and Leon could agree on one thing it'd be the all star jerseys, they color black was extremely flattering, but they wouldn't be wearing those jerseys until tomorrow. After all today was the skills competition, they'd be sporting the classic orange Oilers jersey. Connor was the first of them to compete, to no one's surprise it was his third year in a row competing for the fastest skater title. Why? Because other than Dylan Larkin (who wasn't voted in) he truly was a speedster. Leon sat on the bench chilling and taking in his new surroundings. HI heart was so full and slightly filled with nerves of watching his boy get ready to skate. From how the event was beginning to unfold his only threat to steal the title from him was Jack Eichel. Seeing Connor on the ice made his little heart flutter.

Connor had taken off just like that and Leon instantly zone in to watching him skate his lap. His skate was over just as fast as it had started, and sure enough Connor took the three-peat. Leon stayed sat on the bench smiling even wider than before. Media ended up in his face and questioned him about Connors pace. Leon would be lying if he said he didn’t wish they were going to ask about their relationship. So he figured clue number two, drop a hint. So Leon turned to face the camera for all to view on instagram, his english flowing perfectly. “I had and idea that he’s pretty fast so, uhm ya know obviously last year I think he won it, so it was uh ya know I had my money on him.” Leon finished off saying while a slight smile arose on his face.

After Connors event both boys were able to relax for a little, as puck control was the next event. Connor shoved his way in the box to sit with the rest of the Pacific division boys, but more importantly next to Leon. “You did so well out there.” Leon said then bumped shoulders with him. Connor schooched closer to Leon (if that was even possible) and his body was pressed right against Leon from shoulders to skates. He rested his one hand on his knee while Leon decided to put his hand directly half on Connors and half on his own retrospective kneecap. Leon looked over at him again and smiled, then turned back to watch the event infront of him. Nobody seemed to ask about it; whether they didn’t care, couldn’t see it, or already knew (Leon doubted the third one though).

As it got closer to Leons turn for premier passing he got more anxious. He didn’t want to dissapoint himself, the fans that voted him in, and most importantly Connor. Leon had to leave his warm encounter with his boy to get ready to go. Connor stayed on the bench watching in awe at his boyfriend, the way Leon made the pucks into the minature nets with such little effort was really no surprise. Since Leon joined the Oilers organiztion he had been giving those types of passes to Connor. Even before McDrai happened they had sucah a remarkable chemistry. (Why was Connor now suddenly realizing that Ryan is super good at reading into love?). When Leons last puck went into the net, the time stopped and Leon looked over and started skating back towards the bench where Connor was. Leon didn’t look at what his time was, but he knew it had to be good when he saw Connor smiling and clapping his mitts together for him. Finally Leon’s competition had ended too, and he managed to stay on top, claiming the win. The closer he got to Connor the happier he was. Connor was sitting looking sky chewing his gum, not to forget the fact he was checking Leon out from head to toe. That all star champ was his. For the remainder of the competition boys the boys were just fooling around with each other. Both had adrenaline running high from their wins. The start of this weekend was a good one, and eventually they hit the locker room to suit back up for media.

Connor had anticipated questions about the Oilers and his captaincy, but his personal favorite was when someone had asked about Leons performance. “That was awesome! That was an event that was tough. Really really tough and Leon I know was a little bit nervous.” Connor began to answer. Since he had heard from Leon still nobody had realized they were an item, he knew he’d have a little fun hyping Leon up. “I ket saying you’re one of the best passers in the game you could easily do it. And he proved that tonight.” Connor said lovingly about his teammate and boyfriend (which the media still couldn’t seem to pick up, which was surprising).

Finally day one was in the books and both began to head to the hotel to rest for the night. Although they’d be staying in the same room together, a king size bed all theirs. After all they were both hockey boys who needed enough space for cuddles. Connor’s room was rendered useless, they’d be using Leon’s room instead. Not that it mattered too much anyways, Connor had the salary to make useless purchases like his hotel room that would remain empty all three days in San Jose. Both boys began to take off their suits and put them on hangers. Even with salaries like they have, both Leon and Connor hated spending so much time finding a suit they liked, only for it to cost more than they ever would have typically spent (it was a suit, why must they cost so much?). No way were they going to ruin them only to go through suit hell once again. Leon was the first to get changed out of his suit, and he head to the luggage to find some clothes for bed. Leon put on some plaid pj pants with pockets, along with an old oilers shirt (which wasn’t his). He had taken a seat while Connor was still getting ready for bed. Connor put on Oilers pj pants that Leon orginally got for him as a gag gift, but no surprise Connor loved them so much. Paired with his Oilers pants was one of Leon’s shirts. Leon looked up from his phone and saw Connor looking adoarble, his hair still looking freshly cut.

In fact Leon was the actual reason his hiar was cut in the first place, and it wasn’t because Leon liked it short, hed just told Connor it’d be funny to see media have a hay day. And anyways Connor loves seeing Leon laugh, so his answer was obvious, he had to do it. He took a seat right on top of Leon crushing him, and laughing as Leon went wide eyed and stuttered out “Oh well hello to you too” while lightly laughing. “What are you looking at?” Connor asked as Leon was looking down on his phone. “Figuring out which picture of us to put on insta.” he replied while turning his phone to Connor to look at the pictures. Leon continued to swipe through the photos until Connor pointed out a good one. “Post that one” Connor suggested. Despite Connor hardly posting on his accounts he knew when a picture was good, and that was definitely it. Leo opened Instagram and selected the picture Connor suggested. “Should I add a filter?” Leon asked seriously. Connor thought the photo was fine as it was, but the temptation was way too high. Leon had seen a yellow tinted filter, “Con! This filter would look sick!” Leon said while showing Connor the result. To Leon’s dismay he was given the ‘are you actually joking me right now?’ look. “I think it looks good, especially you so I’m posting it.” Leon told Connor. Connor put his hands up as to say ‘I’m not stopping you’. “Oh I have the perfect caption too!” He said excitedly as he began to type it out. It was the best usage of 27 letters in his life, all for one small post.

@ drat_29: Great day at the skills comp with @ mcdavid97

“Alright it’s posted” he said to Connor as he locked his phone and placed it on the nightstand. Both boys then opened the bed to go to sleep for the next days fun games. Of course they couldn’t go to bed without Connor claiming his little spoon position. “Ich liebe dich.” Leon mumbled to Connor as he drifted to sleep holding the one he loved the most in his arms.

[gracedandelioninkmind]

Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!