#but i really really love this board because i feel like it represents my childhood well

[sugarhaii]

🥀 Gloomy Nostalgia Moodboard 🥀

this was also made with pictures of my childhood!! i had a lot of darker more spooky pictures as well that didn't fit with the last board so i made this one :3

[beggars-opera]

Hey, so we don't talk enough about A Christmas Carol as being at least a little bit about not continuing a cycle of abuse and neglect, both against others and yourself.

In the book little Scrooge is left languishing over the holidays in a boarding school for some never-explained reason, but it is made very clear that this is miserable and unfair, and that his father is doing this on purpose. His sister specifically comes to tell him that "father is so much kinder now than he used to be, that home's like heaven." This also reflects a bit of Dickens's own childhood when his father went into debtor's prison and little Charlie was forced to support his family working full time in a shoe-blacking factory at the age of 12 (which is also why so many of his books seem to have a moral of "hey, kids are people too and maybe we shouldn't make them work in the mines.")

Whatever family reunion happened after didn't work out, because Scrooge continues believing that no one is coming to save him and pulling himself up by his bootstraps at the detriment of all other social relationships is the only way forward. And the more he lives by that philosophy, the more miserable he gets, because obviously he pushes away anyone who has that hope that he lost. They threaten to break down the walls he's built and teach him that a big pile of money doesn't have to be the only thing that he can rely on, if he'd just let himself be vulnerable and have a relationship with people who care about him, because they're out there even if he's ignoring them.

There is a certain type of person still very much out there who thinks this way. "I've never been happy in my life, so no one else has a right to be either. I was abused in my childhood so it's only fair that everyone else suffer as well." We see this in parents who still try to use corporal punishment, and in wealthy people who ignore the social factors keeping others down and scream that everyone else is just entitled, that only those who suffer and scrape deserve happiness. And they especially hate the people like Fred who represent the past that could have been, who have maintained hope for the future, and seem to be rubbing their optimism in your face, when in reality they're just maintaining hope because it's the only way you can survive.

It's so important for Scrooge to actually see the impact this thinking has on both himself and multiple generations. Rich people have this weird hangup about this story because they think Scrooge is bad because he's rich. He's not, he's bad because he's a horrible person and a miser - he doesn't use his money to better anything, including himself. Salting the earth, everyone suffers here, including him. And he learns that he's going to die old and alone without ever having spent or enjoyed his money, and that his family feels sorry for him, and that the nameless masses of poor people out there that he decries so much are in fact living, breathing people, including tiny disabled kids who don't deserve to suffer just because you decided life isn't fair.

In the end he takes responsibility for actually uplifting the people in the next generation who are trying to make the world a better place and no longer punching down, because it doesn't have to be this way. So many people out there just give up hope because things are hard and they think trying to improve things is a pointless exercise that makes them look dumb. How dare you grow a year older and not an hour richer! How dare you marry for love! That's the only thing more ridiculous than a Merry Christmas! When in reality, there are plenty of people who would love to see them happy if they just had a chance.

It's really sad that, while the language used to describe it has changed, these problems still persist. That people feel so wronged and isolated that they spend their days ensuring everyone else will be as well. That they fail to see their fellow humans as fellow humans who are just as deserving of love and kindness and a roof over their heads. I don't care what time of year it is, we should all be lifting each other up rather than tearing each other down.

[bisnes-socks]

i love kot kot. i've always loved kot kot. and i'm gonna tell you why.

i think it's a beautiful song, i think it's a banger, i think it's a nostalgic sound, and i think it's an incredibly sad song.

musically, i think kot kot sounds like a summer night in finland. the contrast between the melodic, soaring chorus and the darker, harder verses sounds like walking back and forth between the bright light midnight and the dark clubs or bars or restaurants or something. going from the first verse into the chorus again feels like stepping out from a dark venue and it's 2 am but the light outside is the same as it was when you went in hours ago. it's actually super eerie the way time doesn't seem to move at all during the height of summer in finland. it's a sort of a liminal space that can feel either like never ending horror or an addictive state of true living, depening on how you deal with endless light. 

this is a summer song to me.

i love love love the free flying chorus.

i love love love the old school sound of the verses.

the chorus is beautiful with it's long soaring vowels and lines. the verses are mega bangers that remind of early 2000's music. the echoes of like old school drum and bass, breakbeat etc. are super nostalgic to me and have sent me down the rabbit hole of music from my childhood multiple times since the song came out. and i personally love the contrasts and different sections in the song. i think they go together well, i don't think they clash.

i think jurek and allu have composed a clever song. and honestly allu deserves more recognition across the board i am sorry i've been slipping in that department.

now. to the sad part.

i always felt like the chorus was sort of... wistful and melancholic. but the album puts all of that in a different context. he's not just mr. lonely. he's fucking terrified of being alone. 

"pelottaa, ettei jatkopläänit ehkä osukkaa, kuumottaa tosissaan, osote ois saatava, poket tos jo hoputta siis vastatkaa nyt saatana" meaning "i'm scared that after party plans will fall through, seriously getting jittery about it, i need an address, bouncers are on my case, somebody pick up the phone" like with the context of the full album now, it's really painting a picture of someone who does not want to go home and face being alone with his thoughts.

i remember when the song came out and people had all sorts of headcanons and ideas as to why the second time round the voice on the phone is in english - things like maybe he's making an international call or something. well, the truth is that in finland, that message is always played in three languages: finnish, swedish and english. so why is it in english the second time? honestly in all seriousness i think it's just a little nod to his international fans or something, like i don't think there is a real story reason for it. but if there was.. well, if anything, to me it suggests that he must have stayed on the phone, listening through the whole litany: valitsemaanne numeroon ei juuri nyt saada yhteyttä, kontakt med numret ni har valt fås ej, the number you have dialed cannot be reached. to get to the english part he has already been told twice in two languages that there is no one there, nobody is picking up, but he's still there.

honestly this song more than anything feels like the true pair of autiomaa, because to me, this song is someone trying to avoid feeling exactly the way autiomaa describes. feeling empty, feeling nothing, feeling alone. he says as much: "tää klubi on yht tyhjä ku sen katsoja" meaning this club is as empty as he who is looking at it. he's empty and finding other people to party and hang out with is the only way out of feeling empty, the only way to distract himself from the fact that he is lost.

and so for skit and autiomaa to come right after this? he has reached a breaking point and realised he has to face the nothingness inside.

and again, like with takavoltti, i think this song represents that long standing finnish tradition of writing funny lyrics about difficult subjects. it's also very very typical in finnish culture to make songs that seem to be about drinking on the surface level but are actually not about that. this song builds a lot of very comedic images: him vibing to celine dion alone in a club and refusing to leave, fighting with bouncers etc. and then of course there is the whole chicken thing with kot kot kot. it's funny - except it's not funny at all.

but the thing is, it's okay to find things funny in the song. they both are and are not funny at the same time, because isn't that what life is. i don't think the intention of these songs is to make you feel one specific way, it's just a matter of perspective. and that can change from day to day. so i think it's okay if one day the song breaks your heart on behalf of the käärijä in the story of the song, and on another day you just want to belt out the chorus and dance through the verses. it's all okay, it's all good.

and that's pretty skilled song writing.

[loosesodamarble]

19 and 15! Josele and or Shizuka for the Oc ask game!!

Hello hello Unni~!

Since you didn't specify which of the ask games you pulled the questions from (because I am trying to answer for both, but maybe I should've stuck to one... 😅), I'll go ahead and give answers for both.

(Also the answers became a lot longer than I expected…)

Shizuka

Thematic

15) Pick an article of clothing to represent them. What does it mean?

I'm basing this on my own personal opinion but I think Shizuka could be represented by a scarf.

I see scarves as a symbol of comfort and warmth, as they're most commonly used in the wintertime to further bundle one's self up against the cold. Shizuka isn't very good at providing comfort to others but I still associate her with a scarf because I wrote her character as someone who needs to find comfort outside of herself.

Not only that, but scarves also symbolize introversion and vulnerability to me. A trope with scarves is for a character to hide their face in their scarf when embarrassed or scared. Shizuka has a tough persona but inside she's vulnerable to feelings of self-doubt and keeps to herself because she's kinda bad with people.

19) Which of the four temperaments (sanguine, choleric, melancholic, or phlegmatic) are they?

I'd say Shizuka best fits the choleric temperament. She's not the extroverted type as cholerics usually are but she still has a majority of the traits associated with it. Her negative choleric traits include her bluntness, her workaholic tendencies, and emotional distance from others. Her more positive traits include her open-mindedness, passion, and tenacity.

Meta

15) How does your oc interact with the canon narrative? What about it do they change?

First off, Shizuka is shipped with Inosuke so she takes Aoi's place as his love interest. But that's something small.

Shizuka's role in changing the canon narrative involves a lot of joining in on certain arcs and taking the place of another character in a certain situation/battle.

During the Mount Natagumo arc, Shizuka is present (on her way to Final Selection so she's not even an official demon slayer yet) and goes onto the mountain (for reasons) and ends up being the one to fight the Elder Sister Spider Demon in Shinobu's place.

Shizuka joins the Mugen Train arc as she temporarily trained with Kyoujurou in the past and Tanjirou asked her to help introduce him to the Flame Pillar (this follows more of the manga explanation of the Kamaboko Squad boarding the train to speak with Kyoujurou rather than being formally requested to join the mission as was the case in the anime). She doesn't do much on the train, mostly acting as Nezuko and Zenitsu's back up. But once the train is dealt with, Shizuka does her best to tend to Tanjirou's wounds and uses herself to shield him when Akaza shows up.

She also plays a part in the Entertainment District arc, taking Tanjirou and Zenitsu's place alongside Suzume (my friend Steph's oc), and then much later in the Infinity Fortress arc where she fights Douma alongside Kanao and Inosuke.

I suppose I can also say that Shizuka's presence is also a key point in a narrative involving a second group of antagonists outside of the demons. But this one answer has gone on long enough so I'll leave it at that.

19) How might your oc react to finding out you are the one responsible for their life?

Oooohhhh... Ah... Shizuka would not like me. I gave her a pretty hard life. She's been working since childhood. She has a complex about being the youngest/weakest/least useful child. Her mother died while she was training to be a demon slayer. Shizuka later finds out about her siblings dying to demons. Her life is a wreck and it's because I made it that way.

So Shizuka would have words for me. She wouldn't do me any harm because that wouldn't really change her life since it's been written already. But I can see her questioning why I'd make her (and others) suffer and then leaving in anger/frustration.

Josele

I already answered all of the questions from both ask games here and here.

[gendercriticalthinking]

hi, agender non-binary person here interested in gender critical feminism! i was wondering what your take was on people being uncomfortable with certain pronouns (he/him, she/her).

how do you feel about they/them pronouns, or neopronouns?

Hello there! I apologize so much for not answering your ask in a timely manner!! Responding to people on social media still makes me a bit anxious and stressed so I usually ignore my notifs even though I really shouldn't haha

Thank you for your question, and for being open to listening to gender critical people!!! It's an important and admirable quality to have, and especially worth praising when you and others have outright been told to not interact with gc people/radfems at any cost! So yes, thank you for that! :)

As for your question (which is a good one!) I originally wrote this very long rambly reply and saved it to my drafts hoping to make it coherent one day. But then recently something happened that made me realize something about human nature in general that directly ties into how gender identities and discomfort/enjoyment of certain pronouns came about:

My brother has always loved nature, especially animals. The reason his favorite color is green is because it's the color of plants: trees, jungles, the places animals live and eat and get to be free in. He's so obsessed with green that seeing something green, anything green, compels him to go " :O !!!! Green!!!"

Because he loves nature and animals so much, he's also a vegetarian. And not just in a "eating animals is bad for the environment" way, but a "it disturbs me on a visceral level to see, smell, or be near meat" way. I have to clean up my bowls and plates that I eat meals that have meat on (I mean, I'd do it anyway because you should pick up after yourself but you get what I mean) because the thought of touching a utensil that once came into contact with meat, even if I ate that meat and it's gone now, carnally disgusts him.

He loves animals, and he wants pets. He'd never ever malnourish a pet just because he has a problem with meat, but it'd be a real emotional challenge for him to feed a carnivore wet meaty food and/or live prey every day. (The token family dog was always fed by our parents or me; he'd be okay if our dog liked dry food but he doesn't lol.)

So I researched the options out there for herbivorous pets, and I found a couple species of lizards (he loves lizards in particular, partially because they're often... green) that eat an exclusively plant-based diet! I showed them to him and he was definitely on board... but alongside the herbivores we found a species of lizard that's a bright, vibrant green and makes a great pet, but they need to eat (preferably live) insects.

He's over the moon about the green insectivore lizards. Once he learned they existed it was over for him. They're all he wants, he's 100% sure. And it's for a lot of other reasons besides the fact that they're green, but... they're green. There are no herbivorous green lizards that make good/easy-to-care-for pets. On some level, he cares more about the green-ness than the vegetarianism.

Why is that?

It's because humans are obsessed with creating symbols to represent ideas. So much so that they often get more attached to the symbol itself than the thing it's supposed to be a reminder of. It's like a self-made Cloth Mother that's built to look like the Wire Mother, but comes with none of the substance or nourishment.

Green represents nature and animals coexisting peacefully to my brother. The emotion the color green instills in him as it reminds him of the things he loves is so powerful it surpasses his enjoyment of the literal thing that the color represents to him.

I'm just using him as an example, but everyone does this. Your favorite childhood shows make you happy because they're nostalgic and reminds you of being a kid first and foremost. They can be well-written and artistic and enjoyable underneath that feeling, but the simpler time they mentally take you back to is what you love about them. Your favorite characters, the "he's just like me fr" ones you read fanfic of, are ones that remind you of yourself and/or ones that you're attracted to. They can also be fun to analyze and have interesting personalities and be great meme fodder, but at the end of the day they represent something to you beyond their objective qualities.

.

So. If we live in a world where women are treated as lesser to men, not fully human, accessories to the actual thinkers, and we use "she/her" to refer to women, is it possible your hatred of hearing those pronouns is because they represent the idea that the person saying them to you sees you as inferior, vapid, incomplex?

If you're in a community where being a female who goes by "they/them" or "it/its" or "he/they" means you get to be who you want to be, who you truly are, enjoying everything life has to offer instead of being restricted to a role someone else made up for you, why wouldn't you like to be called something other than "she"?

When the majority of people who go by "she/her" in your spaces are amab people who constantly, vocally fetishize and dehumanize people with your biological body type (with a few afab people who don't seem to act like you or share your interests sprinkled in) why would anyone as smart and complex and kind to yourself as you ever like being called "she"?

Do you have an innate discomfort with certain pronouns because of dysphoria, or do you hate what the sound of them represents, reminds you of, that they're telling you what other people think of you? Do you enjoy being called certain pronouns because of euphoria, or do you like what the sound of them represents, reminds you of, that they're telling you the people who use them must listen to you and care what you think and support you being who you are?

What's my take on pronouns? They're symbols that represent the type of person you are and want to be. They mean something important. They tell a lot about a person. They're not something to play around with and try out for fun like they're clothes. They're not something you can make up out of thin air and pretend they have no connotations attached to them other than an Aesthetic TM you like.

Nor are they an escape from the problems of the world: the baggage comes with them, I'm afraid. It's a lot easier to change your bio and Discord server role than to change people's minds, especially ones belonging to those who hate you. That doesn't mean it's better or it works, just because it's feasible for you to do.

Whenever you feel a certain way about hearing "she," know that countless other women feel the same way as you. And know that leaving "she/her" behind doesn't mean you've found a cheat code out of being victimized and belittled, you've only left women like you behind instead.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/30/2023: TALK TO ME (2022)

When I was 9 or 10 years old, I went to a slumber party with a lot of other girls who started a game of choking each other for the rush. I didn't participate, but watched in fascination as they took turns making each other pass out for several hours. Early on, it devolved into a lot of girls faking it so they could then pretend to say outrageous things "in their sleep", so this wasn't as extreme a scenario as it may sound. However, there's something deeply perverse about it, at least relative to the (bullshit, often harmful) "innocence" society projects onto children, and I wasn't sure if I should even write this all down. I had a feeling that probably lots of little kids have done this, but I couldn't be sure. I tried looking it up on the internet, and found a pretty upsetting article about it from just a few years ago. So, I suppose it's probably pretty common, and has been so, though it's not always the casual thing I remember from childhood. I thought about this for the first time in decades when I recently saw TALK TO ME, a strange and original Australian horror movie that I'm really sorry I missed in theaters.

Mia (Sophie Wilde), an alienated teenager struggling with her mother's suicide and her father's subsequent withdrawal from her, finds a bizarre form of comfort in a disturbing game she learns at a house party. Local delinquents have somehow procured an embalmed, severed hand that causes anyone who holds it to become possessed by ghosts. This is safe when done for short periods of time, beyond which there lie untold perils. Inevitably, Mia breaks the rules in order to reunite with her late mother--a foolish mistake that sets off a gruesome chain of events, threatening to destroy her along with all of her loved ones.

For a movie with such a fun and stylish veneer, TALK TO ME is surprisingly sad and grim, and also unpredictable. Things about it didn't quite add up for me: Where does this object come from? Why do the kids accept its extraordinary supernatural effects so readily and fearlessly? What effect does it exactly have on them, that cause them to behave like addicts, endlessly going back for more even when many of them are humiliated by the behavior of the possessing spirits? At that, why do kids play games like Bloody Mary, where the expectation is that a demoness will spring out of your mirror and murder you? Why are Ouija Boards all the more attractive because of the rumored dangers? These questions dredged up my ancient memories of the choking game, something that may not have made sense to most adults, because it was a little scary, and because it broke the rules around what society assumes about innocent young children. At that, there may be something to the fact that TALK TO ME was made by first-time filmmakers Michael and Danny Philippou, whose relative inexperience may have given them the freedom to ignore the usual expectations. This produces a rather uncertain viewing experience that sometimes results in a breech of contract with the audience, who may not expect something as intense as this movie becomes.

Obviously this is a commercial graphic related to where to stream TALK TO ME, but it so represents my feelings about being a film lover in the modern world that I'm including it anyway.

Of course, I had to look up who the filmmakers were, which was sort of an unpredictable journey in and of itself. First it was like...oh no, they're YouTubers. I really don't want anything to do with that whole entire culture. Then further down their Wikipedia page there's the Controversies section, and I was like, Oh no, half the time I am forced to hear about a YouTuber, it's because someone has been outed as a gross predator, I don't know if I even wanna look... And then I read what was in there. Twice. And I was OK with it:

The End.

[palaceoftherakes]

"i suppose marriage has always been a financial proposition, even in fiction."

Little Women (2019), dir. Greta Gerwig

the idea of marriage has always been strange.

for me, well i'm bisexual, and i never thought that marriage would be a prospect to me because i didn't think i'd ever be capable of loving one person for the rest of my life. then, i watched Little Women (2019). it wasn't this epiphany, but a slow realisation about how i'd been brainwashed to believe that marriage was the way to fulfilment. while there are many things about Greta Gerwig's adaptation that i'd like to discuss, sisterhood, womanhood and youth being few to mention, i would like to focus on this concept of marriage as it is represented through the eyes of Jo, who up until my tenth watch, i identified with the most.

Jo March, as self-described, is frumpy, homely and unlike any woman, Theodore Laurance would ever want to marry. i too have always felt like that. never be the one to be asked out, or even noticed by boys in school, and when i realised i liked girls too, it became a taboo subject that left me with slurs and various degrees of internalised homophobia. growing older, I've realised that perhaps it is me being a poc in a majority-white setting that has made it so difficult to feel the right to be loved by others romantically. or maybe it's because i've been stagnant in my approach to sexuality that it's scared others away. enough self-evaluation: Jo sees marriage like a prison, and that makes sense. or does it?

a perfect home life, yes. a nuclear family, the husband, the wife, the children, the white picket fence and a warm hearth to surround when it gets cold outside. even though the love between marmie and father is one to be idolised, it is caring and unconditional love that surrounds Jo, and yet she finds herself opposed to the very notion of marriage.

the setting that the march family sit in is quiet, a cottage core aesthetic (to use contemporary reference) where the only people they interact with are the Laurences, the Hummels and one Mr. John Brooke. when Teddy and Jo pair off and become quick and steadfast friends the natural conclusion is that they'll get married and have a hoard of children while living a mildly happy life. it works for Meg and Mr. Brooke, so why wouldn't it work for Teddy and Jo?

to me, it's very clear. it's clear for the moment Jo leaves her family home and moves to New York to work in a boarding house. meeting the foreign professor is this sign shouting "THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN WHAT YOU KNOW!" he applies a different school of thought and challenges her in a way that Laurie and her family never did. the challenges she faces, the rejection from the publishing house, not being chosen to go to France with Aunt March, and most significantly the death of Beth, all push her to the conclusion of finishing her book and getting it published.

but the question becomes, why was i more satisfied with the ending of Jo and Friedrich (the professor) than with her getting her book published? i guess it becomes the conversation of what romantic films have periodically presented us with the 'happy ending', which has been, falling in love, getting married, having oodles of children and then dying. to be honest, it's not just romantic films, it's the disney princesses that surrounded me in childhood. its stereotypes that are perpetuated even further into media, and are ingrained into young girls from a young age. even now, as I'm meeting adulthood for the first time, the questions of marriage, kids and the future keep on cropping up in conversations. i don't think i was ever conscious of my own bias when watching films, but watching Little Women for what seems to be the 100th time makes me wonder what it really means to be married, what that commitment really means. Is it like Jo says, an 'economic proposition' or is it something much more than that?

author note:

amy and laurie >>>> jo and laurie

[dino-boyo-agere]

i wan make little sona wike yous bu I dunno wha animawl to make em

I feel honored to be asked for advice on this topic, thank you!!

Some things to keep in mind when creating sonas/ OCs:

What's your favorite animal? (/ animals, you could always make a hybrid!) Or maybe you even want to be represented by a mythical creature? (Like a goblin or unicorn)

What are your favorite colors/ what colors give you comfort/ make you feel small (those could be the theme of your Sona, if you don't want the "all natural" look for them)

Make a mood board first, see what vibe you want your Sona to have, happy, goth, clown, sea, whatever you feel like. (It can help to just look through some existing mood boards by other creators you already like/ have shared/ feel connected to)

You can base your OC on a comfort character of yours! That can help visualizing your Sona more easily!

Some examples for how those things helped me:

Cows are one of my favorite animals and I really wanted a bear Sona, so I made Toggy. Opossoms are also one of my favorites, so I made Spots.

I love grey and light pink in combo, so Spot got those colors and the yellow in his eyes pop great! TOGGO I wanted to look "Natural" - even though they couldn't exist irl - because I love how brown spotted cows look hehe

Toggy was based on some autumn mood boards I found on Tumblr, that's also where their glasses and the hobby of reading comes from. Spot is based on a Halloween themed outfit I saw on Pinterest once lol

Now, Loo is an oc of an original species of mine, they are part hooman, part Gremlin and part machine (in Loo's case a TV). I've always loved the Gremlin movies and Gizmo has been a comfort character of mine since my childhood. He's is caring and protective, and so is Loo!

Thank you again for asking me, I hope this can help you and anyone else reading this! <3

[honeysuckle-venom]

So my fusion question is about the Dolls. I remember in the past you had talked about different groups of dolls and how they felt so much more separate from you, and how even when you felt like you were becoming more integrated with other parts, the Dolls could still make you lose time or there were just much stronger barriers between y’all. What was the fusion process like with these parts from their own subsystem? Did it require a different kind of approach at all? What was the process like for the Dolls to decide to want to work towards fusion?

Oh this is such an excellent question, and one that's quite complicated to answer. This answer is also going to deal non-explicitly with topics of csa, sexuality, and gender, and the interactions between all of those, so blanket tw for that.

I'm going to start off by saying that I don't have a perfect answer for this. In fact, I think there's a small chance that the Dolls haven't fused, though I have a feeling they have. But it's a little harder to tell with them, and the process with them was a bit different, and there's still stuff there that I'm sorting out. In fact, I just had a pretty big Realization TM this morning about some stuff with the Dolls. So yeah, that's still something we're more actively working on. But I'll do my best to explain what I can.

We'd been working in therapy on actively integrating with the Dolls/doing parts work with them long after that stopped being necessary for the main system. We had a number of sessions focused on who they were, what their jobs were, what their inner world was like, how they related to each other and to the main system, etc. We needed to do that kind of more explicit parts work with them because communication was so poor and I really didn't understand them. One of the biggest barriers towards our communication and integration was that I didn't want to understand them, because I didn't like them. I didn't trust them, I didn't like them, I was ashamed of what they represented, I was afraid of what they might make me do. The A Dolls were completely removed from reality in a way that scared me, the C Dolls were cutesy and girly in a way that I was ashamed of, the B Dolls essentially saw themselves as sex toys which terrified me and made me hate them, and all of them forced me to acknowledge trauma I did not want to acknowledge. We had to have a lot of therapy where I dealt with all of that and worked to untangle my negative feelings towards them and learned to direct those feelings towards where they actually belonged (my mother). There was a lot of my therapist working with me to get me to empathize with them and understand where they were coming from, until I finally reached a place where instead of resenting them I was grateful for what they had done for me. That was a very, very important first step.

Once I had started to resent and fear them less, they started to trust me more as well. And they saw the integration we were achieving in the main system and how positive it was, and were I think somewhat intrigued by that. But probably the biggest step for them towards wanting to fuse was thinking about the story of the Velveteen Rabbit, in which a stuffed animal becomes Real through love even as he becomes less and less perfect. It was a childhood favorite of ours, and was the perfect metaphor for recovery for them. I had to learn to speak their language, the language of toys and dollhouses and bedtime stories, in order for them to have an idea of what recovery might look like for them. Once we hit on that story/metaphor in therapy, I think it helped things click for them, and they as a group decided that they wanted to become Real like the Velveteen Rabbit.

After that, we were all kind of on board with them recovering and fusing, and we stopped doing as much active parts work with them. But there was very important other work we needed to do to fuse with them, and that was dealing with the things they represented/were for/protected us from/held. A LOT of my work in therapy over the last several months has dealt with issues of sexuality, gender, and trauma related to those topics, which are kind of the main reasons the Dolls existed. Those topics are very intense ones for me, and not ones I talk about a lot publicly, but figuring out some things about my sexuality and gender identity has been a really significant part of recovery for me. The process of integrating with the Dolls for me was in large part the process of becoming less afraid of sex and less afraid of my femininity. I never achieved full communication with the Dolls like I had with members of the main system, which is part of why I'm not entirely positive that we've fused. We got better at communicating, and I had a better grasp of who they were and what they wanted, but we were never able to have internal dialogue the way the rest of us could. But what I did do was look at why they were the way they were and start dealing directly in therapy with the things they held, and as we did that I think we started to fuse even without much direct communication or time spent cofronting. I worked very hard to accept that they were part of the whole, just like all the rest of us, and that the things they held onto were in fact my things that I had to deal with if we wanted progress. So I did. We spent session after session on topics of sex, and trauma, and kink, and gender, and the relationships between those things for me. And I started to have a much clearer sense of who I was in relation to those topics and what I wanted. And as I did the Dolls weren't...necessary in the same way anymore. And I also did a lot of trauma work about stuff with my mom, and they were able to be more open to accepting that she had hurt us in a way that they hadn't been in the past, now that trust had built up between us. They accepted that to become Real they had to let go of their intention to go back to her, and that in return I would accept many of their desires as my own and stop being so afraid of the things I had forced them to hold rather than face.

Fusing with the Dolls, like fusing with all of our parts, was a trauma recovery and identity acceptance journey more than anything else. In that way it was quite similar to all of our other fusion. It didn't look at all like the fusion narrative we see a lot where people slowly work to communicate more, then cofront more, then blend, then fuse. None of our fusion actually looked like that, but it especially wasn't like that with the Dolls, which leads me to sometimes worry that we didn't fuse with them. But actually I think we did. Instead for us fusion has always happened subconsciously and naturally as we deal with processing our trauma and accepting ourself. With the Dolls especially it was just about integrating the underlying trauma and identity pieces I had rejected and that they held onto. That's where my focus was, and we did that, and that has felt really, really amazing. A huge huge part of fusion for me has been a process of accepting all of myself, especially the parts of myself I was afraid and/or ashamed of. That's been the key to a lot of it, but especially to my work with the Dolls.

[sanakimohara]

Hi this is not really a request …. hi how are you ?? Hope ur having a good day ! I’ve been binge reading ur blogs and I absolutely adore ur work like they make me all giggly and red!!! So I just wanted you to know ur a great author and I love all of ur writings and other fun thins in ur blog like those mood boards to depict skz relationships and the curated Spotify playlists 💕💕💕💕

also (please don’t feel pressurised I’m asking out of genuine curiosity) is the part 6 for Cola - B.C coming out any time soon ?? I’m eagerly waiting for that part I particularly love that series cause ahem… it kinda resonates with some elements of my childhood and I love how the reader has a family and ofc channie that makes her feel safe <33

once again please take ur time to write there is no rush whatsoever 💐

well that was all

have a good day again 💞

I’m nyx 🖤

You are just too sweet, love! 🖤 Thank you for the compliments and I hope you keep binging my blog if it makes you that giddy! 🖤 Also part 6 of Cola is out now and be on the lookout for the next 4/5 chapters (coming soon) ! 🖤 I genuinely feel touched that my fic is something you can relate to because in all honesty I wrote it while processing my own trauma…and Chan (SKZ in entirety really) became my safe place/person. I firmly believe Chan represents the epitome of a savior to some degree but also a protector…I hope that translates through the story I’m writing….🖤

[crispycreativestudio]

Zeke’s role as the ship’s cook was one of the first the team came up with. Out of everyone, her character has the most inspiration from family. “In Becky Chambers’ Wayfarer series, there’s a wonderful character who’s the doctor/cook onboard called (appropriately) Doc Chef,” says Creative Director Kylan Coats. “Cooking has always been an intrinsically intimate act; providing nourishment for others to live. Doc Chef occupies a unique role of not only a preparer of meals, but also a therapist and general caregiver for the crew. That role, while not as action-packed as say a pilot, is crucial for long voyages and one I definitely wanted to have in our game. Zeke is named after his great-aunt Zera, whom his family called ‘Aunt Zeke’ or “Na-naw.” She loved to cook and was a wonderful character in her own right. Zeke is also inspired by the friends and extended family members who have left high-performing and high-energy careers in business to pursue more artistic careers like cooking; who feel they can do more good in the world by baking over entering law, like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character in Stranger Than Fiction. Regarding Zeke’s design, her standout bionic arms and backpack were inspired from illustrations by Josan Gonzalez.

“When I first saw the arms it clicked that our ship’s cook would absolutely have something similar. The visuals of an extra set of hands, and the self-reliance they implied, were incredibly engaging and uniquely sci-fi,” says Kylan. “From what I’d seen from my own family and friends, leaving high-energy careers behind didn’t mean the high-energy went away. Anyone who’s seen a professional kitchen can testify to their organized chaos. Zeke’s bionic arms are an extension of her need to always be doing something; maintaining a whirlwind of prepping and creating meals. It’s also representative of her desire to be self-sufficient; not relying on anyone else to do double the work another person would.” To be constantly busy means to live in the moment, leaving little room for reflection or contemplation. Allowing people to avoid confronting or dealing with issues is sometimes an accidental byproduct of this. It’s not uncommon to hear of people throwing themselves into work or hobbies following tragedies, and this is a core aspect of Zeke’s character. “Like the friends she’s based on, it made sense she would direct all of her energies outward, and those who are solely focused outward often do so to their own detriment,” says Kylan. “This led to Zeke’s bubbly attitude and eagerness to engage with the player and crew. The flip side of that is her caginess and subtle pivoting questions away when the attention is focused on her. It’s a really interesting dynamic to work with. Some of our narrative team have strongly gravitated to her character, which makes me feel like we created someone really authentic!”

But just who is Zera Hakkimirez? 31-years-old and a master chef, Zeke, as she prefers to be called, is a whirlwind of positivity and kindness aboard the hectic ship, offering warmth, food, and an extra hand (or four) for the rest of the crew. Like most of her crew, a childhood rooted in trauma follows her to every corner of the galaxy, with respite from her thoughts a rarity. But Zeke has her crew now, and a job to do. Using her duties and the wellness of her crewmates to distract herself from her anxieties and her past, Zeke keeps moving, keeps working, and stays busy. For Zeke, food has become the answer to every problem, and she uses her natural cooking talents (with the help of her bionic arms) to bring people together, because nothing breaks down barriers like a good feast and full bellies. Generosity, kindness, and an overwhelming sense of duty to help others are key tenets of her personality. When your crew is *this* crew, a kind heart and a caring soul on board is no bad thing.

[corgibardballads]

I have a very relevant story to add to this that may shed some… perhaps unfortunate light on the continuing stagnation of game design internal culture with new devs. I received my BS in Game Design back in 2017 and have some experience in this mess. While in college our professors all had tangible experience in game development or related fields so they had a decent idea of things we would see and what it was like, all the things you expect. In my graduating class there was only two female students, me being one of them, and none of the instructors were female (at the time).

Every week we had a discussion board we had to do, just typical writing requirement stuff. Then we had to reply to a post. As per usual… no one ever really read anyone’s posts and everyone’s replies were always as generic as a Hallmark movie. Our prompt was something to the effect of, “changes in the way games are made or portrayed and how it has affected you playing them.”

Now I can’t remember word for word what I said, but I’ll summarize my thoughts. I do want to preface this by saying that I wrote it in a VERY positive tone and was not at all condescending of games that didn’t meet my ideal, just that I was happy to have games that DID fit my ideal at all.

I started out by saying that when I was growing up in the 90s, games were very limited when it came to characters and stories. There was an emphasis on the belief that only boys played videogames and that was heavily portrayed in the games themselves. Finding a game that allowed you to make a character was almost non-existent (prior to the early 2000s you maybe had a tiny handful of games like the late 1980’s DnD one, I can’t stress how recent this shit is), let alone having a female character. Including Samus Aran and Lara Croft, you were looking at maybe 5 out of 100 games having a female protagonist and that is being generous in some years. Games that did have a narrative storyline generally always focused on a young male who becomes a hero.

And honestly as a kid, I didn’t think anything of it. The majority of the media I consumed targeted “boys” and therefore I was used to not seeing girls represented almost at all. I didn’t even start questioning it until the Rise of the Spice Girls and the battle cry of Girl Power circa 1996/97, but that’s a whole nother story. Anyway, I loved games and I didn’t SEE the fact that I only had male options because I was led to believe that I shouldn’t have been playing games AT ALL (despite the fact that my mother was and is an avid gamer since her childhood). But it wasn’t perfect.

I’m not a guy and while I could empathize with them, I can’t understand them because they live a life and in a world that I, as a girl, experience very differently. So while I loved the games and characters and world, I wasn't and could not be 100% invested. But in the 2000s we started to get more and more RPG’s with this “character creator” type of content. Dungeon Siege II, Elder Scrolls III Morrowind, Elder Scrolls 4 Oblivion, Mass Effect, Dragon Age Origins, on and on. I found that suddenly I didn’t HAVE to play a guy. I could play a girl and not only that… people treated me as if I wasn’t any different. I had the same quests, same options, same bad guys. And it started to change the way I viewed games in general. I started looking more for these types of games, period.

Long story short, here in the 2020’s we have so many games that let me play as a female character that if I see a game that doesn’t have that option, I do not feel compelled or forced to have to play something I don’t really want too. I don’t feel I’m “missing out” or that I “made a mistake” because for every one great game I didn’t play because the character was male, there are 100 more that could be equally good where I have a choice. So I wanted to thank the games industry for letting us all experience these worlds and adventures with a character that we feel strongly attached too and that represents whatever self we wish to present.

Yes, I praised the games industry for becoming more inclusive over time and my post went over well and we all moved on. Except that didn’t happen, obviously. I woke up the next day and found my notifications flooded…. All on that post. It was a shit show. I was told that my take was “exactly what’s wrong with female gamers” and that “it’s ridiculous that I would not play an incredible game just because the character is male” and “well guys play Tomb Raider so obviously my point is invalid” and my personal favorite, “this is such a sexist take and looks bad on female gamers everywhere”. One of those was even from the professor.

I even had a few personal DM’s about how “sexist” a take it was and that “it doesn’t matter because statistics show that females only play mobile games by and large (which is 100% inaccurate and we literally just had a class that talked about Game Theory and statistics but he said it anyway)”. The Tomb Raider one is a favorite of mine because apparently playing 1 game with a female character out of 100 games of male characters is perfect equality. Anyway my point with this wall of text is… these people ARE game designers. This is the “new” generation of game designers and how they think. Still 90% male and still doesn’t see how much value 50% of the gaming market places on simply being to play a female character. So for all the advancement we have seen in gaming, we still have a long way to go and it has to start with more of us getting into MAKING the games. And if you wondered if there was any female sisterhood rara solidarity from the other girl in my class: She was the only one who DIDN’T comment on my post. So there’s that.

I wish I could tell you my experiences in the game industry and world around it only got better. But there is a reason after 6 years of having a degree in Game Design, I now work at a hospital instead. (One of them is pay, I will say that) And you know, that's partially on me. I wasn't strong enough. The disparaging comments, the blatant sexism, the dismissive remarks. They broke my resolve over time. I did work on numerous games that unfortunately never got the funding to see through to release and personal projects that just ran out of steam, but in the end I gave up on my dream. I let my dreams go to survive.

a helpful flow chart for all aspiring game devs out there

[madmaru2010]

Baby Dyke*

How old was she? I don't remember exactly, I only know that I was no older than 10 or 11 years old.

Across the street from my childhood home was a valuable piece of municipal land. Those stretches of land in towns that are like the jokers or the Hogwarts Room of Requirement, a place that becomes whatever you want it to be. A paddock, the setting for learning to ride a bicycle, and from time to time, the temporary home of a traveling circus or amusement park.

I remember, when circuses allowed animals, listening from my bed to the roar of famelic lions that were more sad than scary, or the gray streaks of a rickety elephant. What happened to those critters! The advent of Green Peace and similar organizations, as well as the discovery of ecology, put an end to circuses with Bengal tigers and acrobatic horses. Also with zoos, although don't ask me why I wanted to visit them, the circuses and the zoos. I was fascinated and saddened at the same time to see all those wonderful species, different, magnificent in their eccentricity locked up and condemned to perish.

I don't know why but now I associate that at the same time that the defense of the environment and the species in extinction was taking place in society, coincidentally, homosexuality was no longer considered a disease.

On May 17, 1990, the WHO removed homosexuality from the International Classification of Diseases (ICD), specialists highlighted the widespread consensus that homosexuality is a natural variation of human sexuality and cannot be considered a pathological condition.

Green Peace was born in 1971, when a group of Canadian anti-nuclear activists embarked on board the old fishing boat Phyllis Cormack to protest against the nuclear tests that the United States was carrying out in the Amchitka archipelago, in Alaska. Their goal: to prevent the bomb from being detonated by placing themselves in the center of the test site.

In the summers of 1978 and 1980 the first Rainbow Warrior ship had confronted the whaling fleet still in Spain, trying to prevent their catch.

It always struck me that his ship was named after the same rainbow that represents LGBT rights. And that he was the warrior who defended the most valuable species from the clutches of their predators.

But the memory that this text brings back to me is that of an amusement park that was installed on that property in front of my parents' house when I was still an elementary school student.

I remember the garlands of lights, the creepy music that could be heard every night, a ghost train whose structure, riddled with holes, let so much light into the interior that it was more frightening than frightening, or even scary.

The star of that park that remained in my memory was a huge round-the-world ride. Or at least I remember it as huge. Surely it was a precarious installation, with countless missing or wobbly pieces, with more than one loose screw, a screaming call to the tragedy that we kids from a city with a small-town personality climbed on every summer.

To better understand this anecdote, I suffer from severe vertigo, that is, I get dizzy just getting on the curb. But my best friend, a red-haired girl whose skin was an infinite constellation of freckles, invited me to take the ride around the world and I followed her in rapt attention.

I remember every moment, the two of us sitting on that wobbly stool, holding on to a crossed pipe that acted as a very unconvincing safety bar. I remember getting to the top and staying there, stopped, stranded, shipwrecked. I don't know if it was because of a malfunction or because they were slow in getting people up or down, but I still feel like I'm there.

Vertigo is a kind of painful nausea that strangles your stomach, blurs your vision and your limbs feel like rubber. It's really feeling like you're falling. Any resemblance to falling in love is on the reader.

Up there, in the rocking cart, watching the languid white church tower stand proudly against the blue sky and the evening sun melting into a ruby gold pool on the horizon, vertigo mixed with the happiness of being on top of the world, far away from everything, in that layer of invisibility that height gives, trapped with that red-haired girl who happily laughed at the park, at the experience, and at my vertigo that today more than fear of heights seems like fear of realizing how much I enjoyed that closeness out of sight of everyone, that moment of intimacy with a friend who gave me butterflies in my belly and I didn't know it.

When I think about my approach to women throughout my history nausea was always present. But it's not disgust, I realize today, it's vertigo, it's knowing you're walking through a narrow gap between a land you don't want to belong to and the precipice. That feeling of wanting and fearing to take a leap into that void that is as desirable as it is threatening. It is the irrepressible desire to launch yourself into free fall that beats in every cell. It is knowing that sooner or later you are going to jump.

Vertigo is not the fear of falling, but the desire to jump.” -Milan Kundera

*

Note: *This word is used in slang to refer in pejorative terms to lesbians or lesbianism in general, especially lesbians with appearance or clothing considered far from the cultural canons of femininity. In this sense, we are in line with other derogatory terms such as “machorra”, “camiona”, “marimacho/a”, “chicazo”, “amachada”, “virago”, “chongo” or “butch”. In recent times, however, the lesbian women's collective itself has made this word its own, reappropriating it to use it in a positive sense. Baby dyke: young lesbian or recently out of the closet. It is also used, within the LGBT community, to refer to lesbians who want to be “butch” but do not succeed.

[grad604-macytaylor]

Week 10: 50 words per object

Led vfx screens

These screens represent the start of my visual creative journey as I started helping out with technology at my church. This experience allowed me to gain lots of creative experience and have fun times with good mates and people who I admire. 

Hummingbird poster

This poster is one of many I have acquired which was a habit I picked ups hen I moved into Auckland CBD for university. At first it was for some free decor but it is also an inspiration for me and my own design.

Lord of the Rings box set

This box set was gifted to me by my grandparents and I chose it as an element as it represents the love of reading anything I can get my hands on. Lord of the Rings was a series I really loved as a kid and I still enjoy rereading the books on trips. 

Bookshelf

My bookshelf represents a lot of the books I have really loved for a long time. To represent it, I took a picture and illustrated it, but chose to leave the spines blank because I know as I grow in my walk different books will have more or less meaning to me. 

Poster wall

This poster wall is the summation of my favorite ‘borrowed’ posters from k road and the CBD. It ended up taking over 2 walls of my flat and made the space feel more fun. I think now part of my motivation as a designer is to make posters that some art kid is gonna tear down and take home and stick it up in their flat to their flatmates or parents chagrin. 

Blue wall

Although it is not in this illustration, the wall in my room of my childhood home is blue, and I would stick things I found interesting up on it. I didn’t realise until I got to uni and all the lecturers talked about collecting stuff that it was a sign of a creative to have the desire to keep everything you find cool. 

Wacom tablet

I brought this Wacom tablet in 2019 or so when I realise I really liked digital art and I wanted to pursue it. It was the cheapest thing I could find and while I should buy a better one, I can’t quite bring myself to spend a thousand dollars when this works.

Midi board

This APC40 mxii board is what I use to operate resolute arena and is the first piece of technology I got any good at using, which is significant to me because technology isn’t my forte!

MacBook Pro

This is the computer I use for uni, which was a hand-me-down from my mother. its the main tool I use for my creative process, from looking for inspiration to sending off a final draft.

Chapter one

This book is written by the founder of thank you, Daniel Flynn. It is one of my favorite books of all time and by far the most inspiring thing to not only my own interest in business but also one’s ability to do good in the world. My dream is to do graphic design for them one day. 

Plants 1

It wasn’t until I moved into my own apartment that I really started to get into taking cuttings and propagating plants, and how my houseplant collection is quite sizable. This isn’t nessecarily strictly related to my creative process, but is a nice way to calm down and nurture a nice space.

Headphones

My WH-100XM4 headphones, which were a gift from my parents in high school, get daily use as listening to music is something I really enjoy- especially when I am spending a lot of time commuting. As I have gotten older I have started to spend more time listening to audio books as well. 

Morgs letter

When I left high school, my beloved art teacher mrs. Morgan, who I would’ve spent the majority of my time with in school over the past three years, wrote me a note on the back of this print. The work ethic, technical skills, and concepts she instilled in me are still something I think about to this day, and I would not be in the place I am if not for her.

2004 Macintosh 

This computer was actually a gift from a friend quite recently, however it reminds me of my childhood spending an hour a day (but no more!) on my parent’s home office Mac. 

The Loyal Workshop bag

The significance of this bag lies in the brand that made it, the Loyal workshop. Their mission is to rescue women from the sex trade and train them with valuable skills and provide employment to them by selling these bags and other high quality leather goods.

‘Are we human’ design book

I recently purchased this book at the AGI conference because it caught my eye due to the beautifully simple binding, and interesting content. I have not had a chance to fully read it yet but look forward to stepping into another persons perspective on art and design.

Pens

Before I got into any form of digital art or design, I have always loved to draw.  It helps me when I can see and visualize things in a tangible way, which is why for this project I wanted to emulate the way I think by illustrating all my items and hung them up in a tangible 3D space. 

Paints

These are the paints I store in a shoebox to use every time I have a painting project. I collected them throughout my years doing paint in high school. They are close to my heart as part of my creativity.

Karangahape road perfume poster

The K road perfume is close to my heart because of it’s link to where I lived for the start of my university degree and it always reminds me of the fun times and also weirder and more dangerous times from K road. Also Sam Stutchbury and his work with and for Motion Sickness is inspiring to me

Plants 2

The first plant is the first plant I brought for myself, about half a year into my house plant collection. Others had been gifts of propagations and this one I paid for! (Shocking, I know)  My aunt runs a flower farm, and gave me the middle plant when I was in high school as a gift. The other rounder plant was a gift from my parents this year as they are finally fueling my plant obsession!

[jaymarlowgirlinnovators]

Fun Home - Book Report

What Girl Icon does this book represent? 

Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic is an autobiographical, coming of age story that maps out Allison Bechdel’s journey to self acceptance. Throughout the book, Allison describes in incredible detail her relationship with her parents. Throughout the book, she feels as if she doesn’t have someone to help guide her through her most important adolescent years. She has many questions and feels there is no one to answer them. With her father specifically, she immerses herself in books because that’s what he is interested in. 

Does the book's narrative serve to add a new voice to the theme of adolescent transformation previously absent from the literary genre?

I think that the message of this book is one that we have seen in many works of literature, HOWEVER, the execution was transformative. 

How would you describe the rite of passage aspects of the story?

There are many moments that are relatable in this book. Her parents clearly cannot stand each other and her mother needs a sounding board. She eclipses Alison on many occasions such as revealing her father’s affair when she decides to come out. When parents don’t love each other the way we think that they should, it can be very isolating. A part that stood out to me was when Alison felt that her father valued their furniture more than her. 

What aspects of Girl Power does this book explore?

Be who you are and don’t judge others for perhaps taking a different path. Alison has always felt different. She wants to dress differently and wear her hair differently than other girls. She fights her father wanting to put barrettes in her hair just because he feels that is what girls should do. She confesses that she has always wanted to dress like a boy and is determined throughout the book to explore those feelings. Determination is a prominent theme in this book. It’s clear that Alison doesn’t get the support she needs at home, so she turns to books and outside experiences to fill in those cracks. Although I think she sees her mother seeking pleasure in theater to fill her void, Alison wants to take things a step further and ask the tough questions and deal with the answers that she is given. For her father, she is a pillar of strength. As he navigates his own journey, he sees her as the only one to have intellectual conversations with.

What is break-through about the book (design, representation, diversity, etc)? 

I found the layout of the book really exciting. I was never a comic reader as a kid so it took me a second to get into the flow, but once I did, I finished in a flash. Making this a visual outlet allows us to take Allison’s emotional journey with her. We see throughout that her parents aren’t looking at her when she speaks. Seeing their nonchalant reactions to her forces us to root for her to find a community that will see her. Another element to note is the representation of the female body. From Allison questioning the changes her body is going through to her appreciation of her college girlfriends body, I feel the representation is done in a tasteful way.  

Is there a film, TV or theatrical version of this story? Does it live up to the book? 

I unfortunately did not see the musical when it was on broadway, but I remember seeing a lot of the clips and Tony Award performances. What is so special about this performance is that even today, I rewatched it and can pinpoint many moments of my childhood where I felt different and didn’t know what to do with that information. As a musical theater actor, I connect with music more than any other artform so I think that the musical can elevate the meaning of the book to those who operate in a similar fashion.

[issaxcharlie]

You’ll always be the answer

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem Reader

Requested: YES💚

Summary: For the first time Charlie and Y/N have to do an interview together and things get pretty interesting and chaotic as always with the couple.

*In the wired autocomplete section the part of the question that was covered will be in bold*

Pretty much based in the we say we’re friends world, (yes, again😤 I love their dynamic I’m sorry) you only need to know that Y/N is a musician by profession, wrote the JATP soundtrack, a childhood friend of Charlie and now his current girlfriend.

The couple is completely excited because today they have their first interviews after the confirmation of the second season of Julie and The Phantoms, and usually they are not on the same interview team so this is new. Charlie always does them with the band and the singer usually does them with director Kenny Ortega representing the people behind the scenes.

“Hello everyone, I’m Charlie Gillespie and I play Luke in Julie And The Phantoms.”

“And I’m Y/N Y/L and I play Daniela in Stardust.”

“Baby, you are here today as the songwriter of the album.”

“I know?” She thinks for a few seconds until she realizes what she said. “Oh. Well, this is embarrasing. Make my selfpromo accident worthwhile and watch Stardust after watching JATP!”

“Nice safe, beautiful. Pretty natural.” Her boyfriend teases as she smiles proudly.

“I like to believe I could be an actress.” Charlie begins to laugh at the seriousness with which she answered and looks at her, full of happiness. He loves that they can enjoy moments like this where their careers can go exactly on the same track.

They know that it will not always be this way so they should make the most of the experience.

“I’m excited to have you back, Y/N. And a pleasure to meet you Charlie. You both sure are full of amazing energy, I love it. Let’s start with the questions. Charlie, this is your first leading and in a fairly complete role, you acted, sang, danced and even wrote one of the songs, how was the experience?”

“Pure magic. They are all incredibly talented and so supportive of us, they worked so hard to unleash our full potential in an accelerated manner. They had a lot of patience with me in the dance part, they taught me to use my voice properly, they supported me in the change to electric guitar, it was simply a dream to work with every single person in the project.”

“Sounds amazing. Next question is for you, Y/N. Much has been said about the unreal chemistry between Julie and Luke. How was it for you as his girlfriend to have to witness it live? As I understand you were present throughout the recording."

"Oh man, it was awesome!" Charlie laughs at her pure response and the interviewer looks at her in disbelief.

"I'm Team Juke all the way. I know I may sound like a liar or something since I'm the girlfriend, but here's the thing.

I can't see my Char in Luke. Charlie is so good at bringing him to life that I can't believe that cool rockstar is my adorable goofball. It’s like Clark and Superman with the glasses thing. Beanie and electric guitar? Oh, hi Luke. You are so hot, wait... don’t tell Charlie I said that! Bandana and acoustic guitar? Hey baby, give me a kiss in the forehead and sing me to sleep.

What I was saying again? Oh, yeah. So... I see Juke and I’m soft, they are perfect for each other.”

“So you think Luke is hot, huh.” he pretends to be jealous and folds his arms.

“What can I say, I have a thing for rockstars, my legs melted during now or never."

He snorted a laugh. “Good to know.”

The interviewer cannot contain a laugh of her own.

"It's always a pleasure to have you here, Y/N. You are such a character and I always enjoy listening to you, and I love that even though the years go by and you are no longer so new in the industry you continue to have that fresh and iconic personality."

“Thank you so much Maria, If I can be myself here it is thanks to the beautiful atmosphere that your interviews always have.”

“My pleasure, ‘golden star’. Let’s continue. Y/N, We know you already knew Charlie, but who did you get along with better from the rest of the cast?”

“Oh my, definitely Owen. He was Charlie's roommate throughout the project so we hang out together a lot in our free time taking turns as third wheel. I'm pretty sure he's going to apply the same card to me this second season now that I'm gonna be the roommate.

But it’s okay, I totally deserve it. May the best third wheel win, Joyner!” Charlie grins and does a fistbump with his girlfriend who looks really hyped about going back to Canada with the band.

“I’m rooting for you, girl! Let’s go back to Charlie a little bit. The album that Y/N wrote is a resounding success and a very important piece for the series to be as brilliant as they are. I imagine that the four of you have a special affection for the album, but how do you feel that your girlfriend was the one who wrote a soundtrack of that level for such a special project in your career?”

Charlie looks so proud. He looks at her in a way that makes the young woman blush.

“I’m just so blessed that the things happened they way they did. She’s the love of my life, you know? I couldn't be more proud to sing her songs. She has always been insanely talented and nothing gives me more happiness that knowing she gets to do what she loves and is able to share it with the world.”

The singer's eyes water and she puts her head on the actor's shoulder, who kisses her hair sweetly.

“You two are so pure and so cute to watch, I have a new favorite celebrity couple.”

They continue the interview for a few more minutes and then they have to move on to the second section, in which they are handed some boards with the most searched questions on the internet regarding them.

“Okay guys, introduce yourselves again. I’m not going to be in the segment this time so you’ll have to help each other.”

Both agree without confessing that they have seen videos of this segment until 5 in the morning when they have nothing to do the next day and have sleepovers.

“Hi, we are Charlie Gillespie and Y/N Y/L and will be doing the wired-autocomplete interview today!”

“Okay handsome, let’s start with yours.” Charlie smiles and takes the sign in his hands, while his girlfriend removes the first tape and reveals the first question.

“Does Charlie Gillespie have a girlfriend?” Charlie smiles proudly and kisses his girls nose.

“I do, and she’s so adorable.” He touches gently her cheek and she closes her eyes at his touch.

He gives her a light kiss in the forehead and then uncovers the next question.

“What is Charlie Gillespie like in real life.”

“I’ll answer this one, Char’s a total goofball. He is cheerful, funny, always full of energy, talented, caring, and really, really hot. All done, next question!”

He laughs while blushing and reveals the next one. “Is Charlie Gillespie married?”

“Well I tried but someone ate the ring.”

“I would do it again, it was really good. Answering the question, he is not yet, but he is taking too long, maybe one of these days I will declare myself.”

He opens his eyes wide, he knows very well that his girlfriend is capable of doing it, and honestly he wants to be who does it, so he makes a mental note to prepare everything soon. Thank god he is working on the rings already.

“It’s Y/N still dating...”

“If the question says Ross Lynch I’m goin’ to lose it. No shade though, man.”

She laughs, after the James Larkin show, a lot of people showed anger as they felt that she was a much better match with the blonde, and Charlie couldn't help but feel a bit offended.

“...Charlie Gillespie! Yes, baby!” Both high five, Charlie looks almost relieved, is adorable.

“The answer is always yes folks, get use to it.”

“Who is Y/N’s best friend?”

“Well, this one is easy.” She turns to see Charlie and gives him a flirtatious little smile. He blushes and reaches out to kiss her, but she answers the question just before their lips touch.

“Ross Lynch.” She leans over and presses her lips against his for a few seconds as Charlie reacts to her response and then gapes in disbelief.

“You did nOT.” He laughs and and wrinkles his nose feigning annoyance.

“Yes I dID. But to be honest, has to be this man right here. Not a lot people know this but we’ve been best friends all our lives, so yeah. You baby, of course.” He blushes and kisses her hand, clearly happy with the answer.

“Is Y/N going to be in Julie And The Phantoms S2?”

“Will you?” He asks, genuinely curious. She never tells him what Kenny secretly confesses her about the project so as not to be unfair to the other members of the band.

“I will, but probably still back the scenes, guys. I'm really enjoying this part and learning from the best of the best so I am very happy not to be in front of the camera for now.”

“And you are doing an amazing work, love.” She grins and kisses his cheek.

“Thank you for watching us being ridiculously corny for 30 minutes, don't forget to watch Julie and the Phantoms Season 2 only on Netflix! I feel sorry for that poor people that will have to see how cheesy we are.”

“We were still recording Y/N, but never mind. The editing team has a lot of work ahead.”

“Well, damn. I’m sorry guys!” Charlie laughs for the thousandth time today. There is nothing better in life than sharing your days with your best friend. He can't wait to formalize that ‘forever’.

Thank you for reading✨

NEXT PART HERE

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