#but i personally get stuck into this cycle of fear and anxiety that anything i say will allude to my own queerness

[moonmoonthecrabking]

the shame of being intentionally closeted is that sometimes someone says homophobic and you just want to go "in FACT here is my lived experience on the matter fuck you" but you CAN'T bc you're closeted for REASONS and you just have to be like "mhm sure definitely not invalidating my experiences here no sir"

[tatertotcosmonaut]

A really common take is that JJK is a story about the good guys never winning, about good people (or people trying to be good) failing no matter what— and Imma be real, I kinda disagree with this take!

Obviously you can interpret this story however you want and I see how people would come to that conclusion. But I don’t think Gege is passively nihilistic, or making a story like that. I think that Gege is just someone who is pretty critical of modern society and has just personified those critiques in the form of curses and a grimey setting.

Heavy stories or dark stories like JJK kinda fall prone to this “ah it’s just a nihilistic all hope is lost” story viewpoint, and while that can be true sometimes these stories usually are about holding onto hope, brutal but steady change, inner or societal reflection, fostering new generations, or persevering through it. Horrible things happen in these manga, at times it really does seem like a pointless endeavor— but there are always characters that move forward and hold onto hope. Always a flourishing forest after the large fire.

And I think JJK is definitely one of these stories, a story where after that storm there will be new life afterwards. Not everyone will be alive, but it will be bittersweet.

Gege is an author that has never really been afraid to critique Japanese society. Maki and Mai and the result of the Ze’nin are critiques of sexism and heavy traditionalism. Toji, Maki, and Mechmaru could definitely be seen as a critique on ableism and how disabled people are treated in society. Nanami is a critique on the brutal work system in Japan. Higuruma is a critique on the justice system in Japan. Hell, a lot of our main characters are the social outcasts of society (due to physical traits or just philosophical outlooks). And the recent critiques of racism, especially anti-blackness, in Japanese society with Miguel.

The higher ups of the Jujutsu Society are definitely a way of dissecting the disconnect older politicians or generations often have with younger generations, passing laws that will not better future generations and being stuck in conservative ways (hell Gojo blatantly calls them idiot conservatives).

Suguru Geto is an example of how lost youth without any support systems can get lost in the cracks. He gets so consumed by his depression, the tragedy he witnessed around him, and his anger that no one is doing anything about the fact that youth are dying that he turns to cults and extremist ideology.

While these events seem fantastical due to the existence of curses and people causing city wide destruction via cool martial arts combat, these situations of societal collapse and failing do indeed happen, and are happening and becoming worse at an alarming rate.

Even the nature of curses themselves can be seen as a personification of the anxiety and fears literally consuming and killing humanity, most notably the younger generation. Snuffing out hopes, or any motivation that the world will become better. Curses are literal manifestations of people’s fears and negative emotions, whose strength depends on the amount of fear humanity has of the concept. This literal and emotional consumption of the youth is even seen in the entities from the Heian Era.

Tengen, Kenjaku, and Sukuna all continue to live depending on the body of someone else, erasing who this person was and would have been. Tengen needs plasma star vessels so she does not evolve beyond the form she has now, Kenjaku puts their brain in the body of another, Sukuna needs a vessel to consume his fingers and when they do he immediately subjugates their soul.

All of this to say, I don’t think that JJK is a story about good people failing. It’s about society failing good people, it’s about broken customs and rules sucking the youth out of younger generations, it’s about cycles that need to be broken that CAN be broken. It’s about society that continues to slap bandaids on a knife wound and doesn’t address the fact that it’s still slowly bleeding out—

Yuki was on the right track, finding a way to nip the problem at the root. But look at how she was treated by others, about the rumors that spread of her. She was seen as useless, a dead weight, chasing after naive endeavors. But why is it naive? Shouldn’t resources also be spent on finding a way to stop the problem at the root? Or is the power, the control, the prestige (in the eyes of the higher ups and big three clans) of being a Jujutsu Sorcerer too much to lose if they were able to find a way to stop curses at the root?

This is not a hopeless world. Gojo tried to not make it such a hopeless world, Nanami bet on the future and admitted that was odd for him, love still exists even if it can hurt. People are able to overcome their demons, Maki did, Takaba did. While Maki’s development wasn’t one without hardship, without loss, she quite literally struck down most of the Zenin in her anger and a grief, a final wish from Mai to "destroy everything sister". Everything that abused them, everyone so stuck in their ways, everything that made the Zenin a bloated snake of corruption eating its own tail. And when Naoya came back she struck him down once again, with some struggle, but she overcame a past demon with help from two random ass guys that just happened to be there and happened to be nice enough to want to help.

Maki didn't lose her drive or her will, she didn't "become another Toji" that lost faith in the world and started drifting around with no meaning or consumed with apathy. She still loves her friends, she still cares for them, she still fights for them and goes through hardship for them.

There is still community in this world. There is still love, even if it hurts and it's love that makes us flawed. There's still a chance and a choice to hope and bet on the future. A better future in this world is worth fighting for, SHOULD be fought for. It is just unfortunate now that the youth themselves have to do it alone now.

There’s an interesting meta aspect to this, to the way readers have let the hopelessness convince them that there can be no happy ending. No one will come back to life, the ending will be bittersweet, there will be more death- but that does not mean it is the end. Maybe we, like Yuuji, have become jaded. Maybe we have also let this pain convince us that all the characters are destined to be is cogs in a machine. If that was the case, even if Sukuna were to die— if the characters were to fulfill their role as cogs and kill the evil of all evil— it would all be for naught. The cycle would still continue churning and churning.

Systems can be changed, one just has to have the stubbornness to change it. Yuuji just has to realize that once again.

————

Articles to read down below about the issues I mentioned in my yapfest:

Youth Issues in Japan:

- https://online.ucpress.edu/currenthistory/article/120/827/240/118342/Japan-s-Younger-Generations-Look-for-a-New-Way-of

- https://www.nippon.com/en/in-depth/d00800/

- https://www.npr.org/2021/10/29/1050620562/low-turnout-among-young-voters-in-japan-may-mean-the-ruling-party-stays-in-power

Work Culture in Japan:

- https://pulitzercenter.org/stories/karoshi-deep-look-japans-unforgiving-working-culture

Radicalization into Extremist Ideals:

- https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/sdr.1749#:~:text=The%20root%20of%20violent%20radicalization,72). (Root Causes of Radicalization: the Terror Contagion Hypothesis)

- https://pursuit.unimelb.edu.au/articles/why-south-korea-s-young-men-are-turning-conservative.amp

- https://nuts2406.medium.com/why-we-should-worry-about-the-growing-radicalization-of-young-men-8cd6babb8bb8

Cults:

-https://encompass.eku.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1905&context=honors_theses#:~:text=In%20contrast%2C%20cult%20leaders%20develop,disorder%20(Goldberg%2C%20n.d). (The Making of Cults: The Factors that Contribute to Membership and the Leaders’ Influence).

- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8234595/#:~:text=These%20variables%20include%20(a)%20generalized,abuse%20or%20neglect%2C%20(f)

Japanese Court System:

- https://www.hrw.org/report/2023/05/25/japans-hostage-justice-system/denial-bail-coerced-confessions-and-lack-access

[tarotbydelilah444]

✨🤍 Your Next Glow Up✨

Pile 1 🌞✨

crystal: citrine | abundance & confidence

self-care message: positive affirmations

chakra: solar plexus

your sign: leo, sagittarius, capricorn, pisces, cancer, & scorpio

what kind of glow up: external and internal

you will definitely be the center of attention. there will be a lot of eyes on you because people are attracted to your radiate and positive attitude & energy from admirers to haters, no one will be able to deny your presence. you are or will be stepping into your power and confidence will be improving, if you struggled with this in the past. you will be unstoppable and this will make a lot of people mad, but who the hell cares! you will not be settling for anyone or anything less than what you rightfully deserve (idr). you are entering in your selfish era (selfish with your time and energy). you are cutting off anyone that talked bad about you/ talked down on you when you was at your lowest. before you entered into this glow up stage, you could’ve gone through some ups and downs in the recent past that caused you some discomfort and difficulties, but know that these painful lessons and changes you went through was not in vain and you came out in a new and improved light. everything will finally be working out in your favor and luck is on your side. this could have a relationship or a loss of a job that triggered this massive change in you. you will be regaining stability back into your life (this is for those who are still struggling with depression and anxiety, you will get better soon). people from the past may come back to reconcile, but I feel like you aren’t going for it and would rather focus on yourself and be left alone. this person could have lied/kept some secrets from you or cheated on you with their ex. you could have new love that wants to come into your life and it’s a past life connection, if you are looking for something new. finally, a new job could be coming in for some and your finances will improve after a while of instability. any secrets will be revealed and you will be receiving clarity. Ciao!

Pile 2 🌑✨

crystal: moonstone | acceptance & feminine energy

self-care message: beauty ritual

chakra: third eye, crown, and heart

signs: leo, aquarius, pisces, aries what type of glow up: internal you are working through some fears that you may be dealing with. you are trying to listen to your intuition more than listening to your fears & doubts. You have the strength and endurance to overcome any challenges in your way. you are proving to yourself and others around you that you are stronger than the things that tried to break you (some of you could have going through a spiritual awakening that force you to face some things and change it. you are ready for a change and a new beginning and you are taking risks without hesitation or restraint. You are choosing to trust the universe to lead you down the right path. you are reclaiming your power & freedom. you are also learning to face & conquer your fears, doubts, and insecurities that will help improve your confidence and courage. you are learning to be compassionate with yourself & others. you will be cutting off fake friends in your circle or a relationship that kept you in a karmic cycle. I see you releasing codependency issues and focusing on giving to yourself and relying on yourself instead of others. in the recent past, you may have choose to ignore the red flags in your connection or in situations instead of listening to your intuition, which bit you in the ass. be careful of this person trying to come back, this person wants to trap with a baby to keep you stuck in this toxic connection with them. for some, you could be traveling. you could be going somewhere overseas/with water, hot climate, and sunny. you could be a world traveler or you travel a lot. you are trying to figure out where your life is heading and where you want to be in the future because you are feeling like things are boring & you long for something fun and exciting. listen to your intuition.

Pile 3 💫🩵

crystal: amazonite | communication & good luck

self-care message: nourishing your temple

chakra: throat and heart

signs: leo, aries, sagittarius

what kind of glow up: internal and external

you will be working on healing inner childhood wounds or forgiving yourself for your past or people from your past. you could even rekindle old connections with friends, family, and relationships. you could even move back to your old hometown. you are rebuilding more loving and harmonious relationship with the people around you and in turn you will be receiving support from others, if you have been struggling. you are connecting to your inner child by doing the things you enjoyed as a child or wanted to do when you were younger. for some, you could settle down with someone from your past (kindred spirit/childhood sweetheart) and become pregnant, if this what you desire. you could even find yourself being around children more often. you could be working on and releasing your ego. you are learning about what triggers you and learning to stand up for yourself against people that don’t respect you or your boundaries. you are currently unlearning negative patterns & learning how to respectfully communicate with yourself & others. you could also be trying to respect and nourish your body by only consuming things that will keep your body, mind, and soul intact and aligned. you will be stepping into your power, your confidence and self worth will be improving, as you continue to grow. this will attract a lot of jealously from people that aren’t on you level. you will also be having more fun. you could get invited to more social events and making new connections. you will find success in any endeavor that you are planning or working on.

Pile 4 🤍✨

crystal: opalite | balance & inner peace

self-care message: dance

chakra: heart & throat

signs: aquarius & libra

what kind of glow up: internal

healing. you are definitely healing from a rough and transformative period in your life. you could’ve gone through a rough breakup or your are healing some trauma or inner wounds from your past. you are turning your pain into passion instead of dwelling on things that you couldn’t fix or that’s simply out of your control. you are choosing to live with a clean heart and move forward with a renewed sense of faith and hope. the universe is definitely rewarding you for this attitude that you are presenting and is working with you to bring in your desires and manifestations. you have a fresh new perspective on things and life in general that is confusing yet inspiring to others. you want to share your knowledge and ideas with the world, but I feel like you should keep these ideas under wraps because you have doubters & nonbelievers praying on your failure. you are no longer interested in exploring things on a surface level because you are more interested in learning about things that will benefit you and expand your consciousness in the long run (you are very innovative and forward thinking). you refuse to be blind to the truth and you seek it out without any hesitation or fear. this attitude intimidates the people around you. you may even be faced with a decision on where you want your past relationship to go (whether to separate or come together, but either way you still care about this person/vice versa). you could also be learning a new skill or going back to school, just be careful not to burn yourself out with too much knowledge. if you were struggling with any health issues, I see that you will be regaining your strength and recovering quickly.

Hope you enjoy this pac reading! Make sure to like and follow if you enjoyed the post and are looking forward to more pac readings from me in the future! Sending you love & light. 🤍✨

-Delilah

[feakwierdodotgov]

Small rant + what Saturn by SZA means to me

I have been trying to continue this for a fucking month, but school demands all my time and effort and has frankly, burnt me out. SO here's a half-assed lyric breakdown/song review of saturn by sza, school can go get fucked.

“Saturn” By SZA Lyrical Analysis

“If there's another universe

Please make some noise (noise)

Give me a sign (sign)

This can't be life”

This is the song's opening, and it perfectly encapsulates the entire song's message. This track is a needed escape from the poison of everyday American life. 

I checked on my YouTube the other day and started scrolling, looking for a topic to focus my brain on. The first clip I came across was of a woman holding a microphone, talking about abortion when another woman quickly approached her. The other woman greeted her with kindness, but her attitude instantly changed when they refocused on abortion. The woman holding the microphone and the lady that came up to her seemed to naturally speak “perfectly”. I can only describe how they spoke as “computer generated”. 

Whenever I see people debate online or in real life, they try to distract or bring down the other person by critiquing their terminology and generalizations. These two people were talking in perfect terminology and heavily over-explaining what they were saying so the other person couldn’t critique or distract them. I became worried because human beings don’t naturally talk this way. They were talking like robot alien lizard people. Just by waking up in the morning, you provoke the unwanted criticisms of the robot alien lizard people. It seems that the people of this world cannot understand or simply talk to one another. We are trying to eliminate our human-isms to achieve perfection, intelligence, and power. I realized that humanity is denying the pillars of its existence. I too want to know if there's another universe. Is that universe possible? I need a new planet. Maybe I can live and breathe on Saturn. Anything is better than Earth. 

“If there's a point to losing love

Repeating pain (why?)

It's all the same

I hate this place” I don’t personally relate to this line, but I will do my best to break it down. I think she’s saying that she keeps getting trapped in these cycles of falling in love with people,

and just after getting attached, she loses them. In some way shape or form, something integral in their personalities cannot work. If there is a point to losing someone in that same way OVER and OVER again, why? 

“Stuck in this paradigm

Don't believe in paradise

This must be what Hell is like

There's got to be more, got to be more”

Again, she’s trapped in her way of thinking and it’s pushing away the people she loves. She expresses her doubt for change, she “don’t believe in paradise” where she can love other people without her own ‘being’ tearing that relationship apart. 

“Sick of this head of mine

Intrusive thoughts, they paralyze”

I understand that this is a continuation of her point, but I want to divulge my meaning.

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time, but it took over my life in high school. I think a little anxiety is warranted, healthy even, but it’s gotten to a point of hatred of other people and a poor outlook on life. I constantly project these judgemental personalities onto people. I project hatred, spite, and ignorance, and I don’t allow people to show kindness to me before making them out to be a bad person. After coming to this realization, I knew I had to change. In my experience, change like this is easy and pleasant, but my intrusive thoughts can come in and rip that away at any second. Out of habit, I return to my old ways of avoiding interaction. It hurts the people around me the most. They might have gone out of their way to offer their time to me, and I completely reject it again and again.  I paralyze myself in fear of how I sound, how I look, how I act, etc. I get to a point where I’d rather do nothing than something “embarrassing” or “cringy”. 

“Nirvana's not as advertised

There's got to be more, been here before”

I am getting nothing from this lyric, so I will just put it into a literal state. The idea of the perfect place is not widely accepted or known, but there has to be something, right?

“Ooh (ooh, ooh)

Life's better on Saturn

Got to break this pattern

Of floating away”

This world I’m living in is something that cannot keep me alive. Humans have sunk the hells of society so deep into earth, that life may be better on Saturn. Saturn doesn’t have judgment, it has happiness and freedom. Saturn has life. Like I said in paragraph four, she keeps ‘floating away’ into these cycles of pain. 

“Ooh (ooh, ooh)

Find something worth saving

It's all for the taking

I always say”

Is there something from Earth with value left? Is anything unaffected by us, the people? In the hypothetical situation that we pull a wall-e and escape to Saturn, what on earth (literally) would we bring with us?

“I'll be better on Saturn

None of this matters

Dreaming of Saturn, oh”

Is the complex nature of modern society undermining her efforts to be the best version of herself? It’s so upsetting to be human that dreams are the only place SZA can be free.

“None of this matters” is really important to me. I was stranded on a desert island with everything I’d ever need to stay happy, content, and alive, but there weren’t other people, would I want to change all these tiny cosmetic things about myself? The answer is just “no”, because, in the long run, NONE OF IT MATTERS!!! 

“If karma's really real

How am I still here?

Just seems so unfair

I could be wrong though”

[nightowl33art]

Old recording found.

Since I'm meeting my new therapist tomorrow, I decided to sort my evidence and update anything important. While looking through voice recordings, I found a nearly 23 minute long monologue from Dionysus on August 23, 2023. I listened to the whole thing. Couldn't find it in written form anywhere so I assume he said it all on the spot. I feel bad. You can really hear the pain in his voice. He sounded awful. I do not remember this recording, nor do I remember what upset him so bad. It appears though that this was around his first fronting session after figuring out he was his own. I've decided to transcribe it because it hits hard. Mostly accurate.

"I've encountered a lot of terrifying things in my life. Some more terrific than others. Some things strike more fear into my heart than others. But none, I believe, are quite as terrifying as the man in my DNA. The thing that contributed to my very being... somehow a monster in my own house... at least once.

Growing up, I was scared. Home was a war zone and you weren't ever fully safe. Not when he was around. Not when he wanted you. Somehow.. somehow, he gained so much power, that he took the very essentials- the things that made you- the fundamentals of your very being, and he twisted it into an ugly mush. Now I'm stuck with that mush for my whole life.

I look at it. Sometimes I let it consume me, and I'm scared when it does. I'm consumed by the fear. The one swift motion, and my entire body tenses up. I'm scared once again. Then I forget it all. I forget it happens. I can't remember how I felt until it's too late, and the cycle repeats. I feel the same terror over and over. It never quite sticks.

I'm always fearing him. I'm always a bit scared. More importantly, because of the way he twisted my entire life into an ugly mess- the way he made my beliefs built on lies, deception, manipulation at every corner.

I sit here with hatred. A seething, burning hatred. So much that it'll burn every bit of my being. A fire so big, soul-raging, that I don't know what to do with it. And so it splits, into someone else, in a different part of the mind. That rage can be its own thing. It doesn't have to be anyone else.

I wonder where you'll end up some years from now. Where will you be when you get older? What do you want to do when you grow up? Lord I never knew. Until I did. The very purpose of my life came to me one night. I don't know where, or when, or why exactly, but I knew I was to be an entertainer. I would make everyone happy. And I would myself happy doing just that. It didn't matter the rhyme, the reason, the meaning, the medium, or necessarily even the time. I just knew that I would.

I'm afraid. Is it wrong to be afraid? Shadows.. shadows aren't terrifying at all. Little things you used to fear, thinking ghosts were real and monsters lurked out there. None of them could compare... to the monster at home. It makes you wonder. How such a person can even exist. How can such a cruel man be real? I can't exactly remember the last time I felt this way. I just know I have. And at this point, I'm tired. We're all very tired and we want it to stop. It hurts our head. It hurts our body. We're anxious.

I saw him complaining to me, about her, but I could feel my body, the anxiety coursing through. I could feel my heart pick up. I could tell I needed to breathe more air. But I couldn't break until he was gone. So I stare at him, agreeable, manageable, quiet, frowning, maybe a little depressed sounding. But whatever you want, whatever you say, just to get him out. It feels nice when he leaves. You feel free again, you can breathe again, when he exits out that door. And you can safely lock it behind him.

What did I do? I didn't do anything to deserve this pain, this torment. Yet I live in anguish. This much he says and he doesn't... this is torture. This is real life and it's a waking nightmare with him around. This is scarier than anything I think I could dream up. Just about anything.

I think one of the only things that could be scarier than this, is losing absolutely everything I have to him. And I'd have to relinquish control, what little control I have over my own life right now, to him. I don't want to be his puppet. I don't want to lose what I have. I might not have all the [?], but I have something. I've gotten a taste of freedom. It tasted pretty good. I don't wanna go numb and empty. I don't wanna feel dead in there anymore. I'm tired of feeling helpless, alone in a sense, trapped in this maze, this prison, forever. I want to get out so badly. I want to escape. It's all so close and yet so far away.

But I can get there. Cause as much as he calls me frail and weak, I'm a lot stronger than he thinks. I'm a lot tougher than he thinks I am.

It's true, I don't know everything. But neither does he. And I doubt that he knows everything. He acts like he knows best. He's a weathered, traveled, experienced man who knows exactly what makes the world go round, what makes it work. But I've spoken to other people, I've seen things. I don't think that's quite how it works. I just have to learn not to be afraid of what's out there. To step out and take that dive. Cause if I get too scared, if I clamp up, I'm gonna be stuck with him. Whether he wants to admit it or not, he'll be controlling me, just as he's always wanted to do.

I don't get it. I don't get what's with him. It's probably the narcissism, if I'm honest. So full of himself, so manipulative, he doesn't care. He can't see. And he says he cares... he says he does all this stuff because he loves us... Why would you threaten to kick your kid out if you loved them?

I don't know what love is. I sure as hell know it's not that- it can't be that. Love is real care, understanding. You might not know how someone ticks exactly, but you'll at least try to learn. You care about their well being, but you don't do it on a superficial level.

You never took the time to get to know us. And now, even when you try, you won't get in. Cause we've learned, we know better by now. We don't trust you, we don't like you, we don't love you, but that's your own fault.

I don't know when I'll get out of here, but I know I will. Cause that's what I've been aiming for ever since I've figured it out. This dream, it ain't right. This isn't how it's supposed to be in a normal, loving family.

I don't know. I don't know if I wanna think my father loves me for real, as much as it is that he loves the idea of what I could be. Cause if I'm not a trophy, if I ain't fit to be a bragging right, what good am I? Instead we disappoint, we disgust, we make him sad. And I just don't CARE if you're sad, I don't care if you're disappointed. I've grown past that at this point. It used to hurt hearing those things but I got over it. Cause I figured it out. It's not worth it. It doesn't matter what you want, it don't matter what you like.

I'm not saying I'm gonna go out there, get a tattoo, gamble my savings away. Although it sure would be funny, gambling all his money for me away after he dies. I know better. I don't plan on any of that. But his way doesn't have to be the right way. Doesn't have to be the only way. I know a lot of things are obscured, and I can't see everything completely. A lot of this looks invisible to me because of the way I was raised. But I know there are more ways than one. I know there's other ways to live life. They aren't in his book.

I wanna explore. I wanna go out on my own. I don't wanna be tied down by some madman who only really thinks of himself. He says it's for our good, he says it's cause he loves us. I don't understand how love can twist you so horribly. You're just a narcissist and you're just selfish. If you ain't a narcissist, you're awful narcissistic-like. And it hurts and I wish you'd see how much it hurts. How draining it is to be nearby you. How painful it is, in a sense, to be you.

I didn't ask to be born. And yet because I am born, I have to suffer the consequences of it. I have to live a life of threats and fear, because half of my DNA is his. And he's too stupidly stubborn and "loving" to let us go. To kick us out, to disown us all already. He's so stupid. He doesn't realize... he thinks he's the smartest guy in the world. Makes my head spin.

I don't understand everything. I don't know if I ever will understand. The brain wants to rationalize, but... there isn't much to rationalize about here. He's just... so into himself. That's just how it is. And I'm left alone with my thoughts. The other men that aren't quite me. We're here for each other. At least we're not him.

Cause one day he's gonna get what's coming to him. He's gonna be left in the dust. And maybe, maybe just maybe, I'll never have to speak to him again. That'll be a great, joyous day. No matter how it goes, I'm gonna celebrate that goddamn event. Whether it's big and loud, or quiet. Whether I'm scared from it, or I'm empowered, either way: I'm free. And I can breathe. And finally... I can heal. The nightmare has ended. The pain, the torment, will go away.

It's just a matter of time and determination. Finding the right opportunities to make a move. And he won't know till it's too late. And his pawn will be gone. I'm gonna learn, I'm gonna make my mistakes, I'm gonna get my hands dirty. But it's all gonna be me. No one else can influence those decisions. If we wanna do what we wanna do, then we're gonna do it.

Perhaps I'll celebrate when you keel over. Life will be better when we're out of your picture. Cause we can't move you, but we can certainly get around you. You try to block the exist door. You try to cover it in curtains and couches. You try to take that very thing away from us. There's always another way around. And you can't stop me from getting my justice. And if all that is is getting out of here, then by golly, let it be. This is not the end. I will get out of here. And when I do, life's gonna be lovely, I just know it."

[cosmichighpriestess]

2023 the Year of Chaos

Beginning today we stop overextending ourselves. We stop giving to situations and people that don't appreciate us. We become focused only on ourselves and our happiness and becoming the best versions of ourselves for ourselves-- for the collective. We are releasing the weight of the world off of our shoulders. Your higher vibration is the most needed at this time. Your vibration impacts the entire collective consciousness.

You need not focus on anything else, except your daily responsibilities. Because your vibration will have the biggest impact on the world--not your intellect, not your abilities, not your money, not your self sacrifice will have the biggest impact. Only your vibration will. We must remember that we cannot control temporary circumstances outside of ourselves but we can control ourselves, how we react and how we shift, how we want to create or manifest the future. In my 2023 forecast I said, that 2023 was going to be very chaotic but this does not mean you need to fear anything.

This is when the real New Year begins. You are going to see many confused, disillusioned people, brainwashed by the "dark forces", acting out of ego, waking up from the darkness coming to light. Mass awakenings. You can rely on the energy healers, spiritual lightworkers, witches, the new age spiritualists, the master manifesters, the light holders, the light warriors, astrologers, reiki masters, the monks, the shamans, the magicians, the seers, Earth Angels, psychics, the changemakers, the chosen ones, empaths, the enlightened ones ect. Any label you want to give us, we're all healers in different slices of personalities and ways and we're all connected whether you like it or not. Anyone that gives you a cool calm and collected vibe, is an obvious master, stable and grounded that seems to be confident that everything is going to be okay. They are the ones you can turn to and rely on when everything looks chaotic. Your energy of fear, pain, anxiety, unworthiness, scarcity, and victim mentality is creating blockages in your energy flow. The trauma, from your intense emotions that you cannot process gets stuck in different chakras, waiting to be released.

They will teach you how to break toxic cycles and patterns you've been stuck in. They are going to be teaching in chaos, being the eye in the storm. Pluto will help you break free from those toxic cycles that literally kept you in hell. Please do, and I highly recommend getting a psychic reading this year so that you can do some past life healing trauma,shadow work and advice on your next moves, or connecting with a loved one you've been avoiding. Pluto aka Hades, Pluto is moving back into Aquarius after 225 years. Society as a whole is going to change forever. Aquarius energy is out of the box and inventive. You are going to see more riots, more protests, more inventions and change, more angry change is needed, and Pluto is all about death and rebirth. So embrace the chaos, remember to keep a balanced steady routine daily, so your routine doesn't change, you stay the eye in the storm unbothered by the chaos around you and remember you create your reality as the God or Goddess of your entire Universe, because remember you are the entire Universe experiencing itself.

Remember the chaos creates positive change, it is for your benefit so relax, focus on what you want to create. You create the unknown from the now so there's nothing to fear if you create the unknown. Remember to not take any fear or anxiety as personally yours, release your burdens, give your problems to the Universe/God/Source to handle for you and enjoy your life because it's meant to be enjoyed especially if you've already suffered enough, ecstacy is yours for the taking. Be kind to yourself, your past self and future self are all doing the best they can. Get as much rest as you can. Welcome to the second coming. It is safe for your light to be seen. Relax, and breathe through the waves of the storm. Let your light guide your sight.

[courtofmatchups]

Could I possibly get an obey me match if it's not too much trouble?

Stuff about me!:

I'm a trans man and my probound are he/him. I mostly dress preppy and really adore the color yellow and flowers in general so I'm frequently cycling through wearing my various flower earrings. I'm an infp-t and bisexual too because I think that might be important? I'm a gigantic ball of anxiety at almost all times and because of my ADHD I often get overstimulated in big crowds or from yelling and things such as that. But I'm also an extravert so once I find my people there kinda just stuck with me and have to cope with me sending them stupid stuff 24/7 ranging from "Hello!! How are you?" To a video of toad singing chandelier. I really enjoy making art, music, photography, just almost anything where I can be creative or ramble about things I'm excited about. Although I really don't like/can't handle being yelled at, weird textures, being in loud and bustling spaces by myself, and like people distancing themselves from me. If I had to like pick a worst fear it'd have to be being abandoned and such. And some positive traits about me (That I think) is that I'm pretty positive, supportive, being good at communicating and drawing boundaries,and pretty good at giving comfort and reassurance.

I apologize if that was a lot lmao

It seems to me you've captured the heart of...

Simeon!

You we would have a lovely romantic relationship. Your outgoing personality and adventurous spirit mesh well with Simeon's calm, collected nature. You have similar interests in creativity and communication, as well as a mutual love of exploration and adventure.

I see the two of you exploring new locales, attending concerts and other artistic performances. Don't worry if you feel like you're getting overwhelmed. He's attentive, and will get you to a quieter place if you need to catch your breath and regain your footing.

I can also see you having deep discussions about the world and life, enjoying nature and experiencing the wonders it has to offer, and building a strong, caring connection through open and honest communication. You would enjoy each other's company and take comfort in the peace and harmony we would create together.

If I've noticed anything about artists and writers is that they can work really well off one another. You and your artistic skills can help Simeon materialize the scenes he wants to write. And I feel like you would also enjoy drawing out the scenes he has already written. A good book really comes in clutch when you have artists block.

Simeon's expectations in a relationship is to experience a deep level of connection and understanding, where your individual needs and interests are taken into consideration and celebrated. He would also want to grow and learn alongside you. A strong foundation of trust, communication is vital, as well as love that could withstand any challenges that may arise. If you put effort into that, your relationship will bloom into something beautiful.

Your playful energy and warmth, paired with his thoughtful nature, would create a balanced dynamic that would allow you to support and complement one another.

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Why does the man seem to surround himself with such shitty people? (I’m not of the mindset “poor, Chris”) but like what is this?

Also- I don’t get why he dislikes himself so much without being willing to do anything about it.

First, to the bottom: anxiety disorder. They're a total bitch to live with, as they take all your worst fears and beliefs and intrusive thoughts and amplify them times one million. And then you're stuck in that cycle, listening to it. Even with therapy and help, it's very hard to break free from the self-paralysis it causes.

To the top: we do have to understand though, that we don't know what the real dynamics of him and his friends are, though. We just get little snippets and comments from him, and we interpret from there. So we're not working with a full picture, because we know none of them personally.

[wolfmoonhannah]

Tarot readings - for the elements 🌲⛲️🕯🎐 Water signs ⛲️🌊☕️ smrv

What I’m hearing for you guys is harmony. there are a lot of parallels in your life right now. I think you’re trying to fit an outdated way of being into a new space that doesn’t quite fit. I’m visualising a piece in a jigsaw puzzle that you’re trying to force into the wrong spot. It doesn’t fit anymore, so why are you so obsessed with trying to make it fit? I think this part of yours is the part that always expects shit to hit the fan. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for things to go drastically wrong. You might have been acting from an anxious place recently. Allowing your thoughts to take you away to places that encourage you to believe in the worst of a situation.

You’ve had this barrier up in your life that has kept a lot of the bad out, but also a lot of the good. You’ve been in a protector mode that has kept you stuck and not feeling like you can progress and move forward. However, I am seeing hope coming in. I think hope is something you have been fearful of too, which doesn’t help when you’re worried about things going wrong, but I think this is because people have told you that hope is a dangerous thing to hold onto, whereas I believe you’re starting to think that hope can be the fuel you needed to get your fire burning brighter. I think you’ve been in a space of dealing with a lot of self-sabotaging behaviours that have been making their way to the surface, perhaps in tests or in experiences you’ve had with other people. I think this has been teaching you a lot about your personal power. I am seeing that you’ve had to grow through this period in order to find this renewed sense of hope from within. I think this hope is about the best way to deal with unexpected disappointments. I think you have high hopes for yourself, for the people around you, and for the relationships in your life. And sometimes, people let you down.

I think learning how to deal with this disappointment in a way that no longer sends you into a victim place where you start thinking ‘everything is ruined’ - in a nutshell, you’re seeing relationships as being with real people who make mistakes, whose mistakes do not reflect on you or have anything to do with you. Of course, if people hurt you, you have a right to be upset and any emotions you feel at this time are valid. But I don’t necessarily feel like that’s the case here. it more feels like you’re coming into a place where you feel strong in your boundaries, strong in your sense of self, and this is allowing you to feel more at peace when people make mistakes. It might mean you have to take some time to yourself in order to process any emotions you’re going through, but still, through this, you’re creating a sanctuary of inner peace that will become unshakeable, even if it feels a bit mismatched and confused right now.

Things have been out of balance for you for a while. You’ve been living a lot more in anxiety than I think you’ve wanted to admit to yourself because you have come a long way from where you started. and now, I think you’re finding yourself coming out of cycles that have had you kept behind a wall. I think a lot of this comes from accepting that you have been treated unjustly. However, I do think that there is a need to examine your role in this. Have you also, not been treating yourself justly? I think you’ve been underestimating how far you have come in whatever goal, or just in your own personal growth. At this point in time, you’re needing to find some quiet, safe space that allows you to take down these walls with yourself. This imbalance is creating moments of stagnancy, where you might feel restless and wanting to take action, and moments of action where you feel completely inspired, yet seeds of doubt start to creep in. There is an emotional release of your past that is needing to happen. You’re not there anymore. 

Some emotional conversations are brewing within that have been needing to happen, because storing those emotions in is doing nothing but making you feel like the situation is more complicated than you think, or that your emotions are. When you’re able to take on board the fact that you have also not been believing in yourself, or not honouring yourself in the ways that you deserve, you actually find some ownership or power over this. You find a way out of doing this through going through experiencing what it feels like to not value yourself. I’m being reminded of ‘We’re going on a bear hunt’ so that book might have significance for you - ‘we can’t go under it, we can’t go over it, we have to go through it’. You might have been looking for loopholes or shortcuts to get through this tricky period, you have to go through it. And there is a whole new beginning for you waiting on the other side.

We’ll be looking at what this new beginning entails for you in the extended reading. So to find that, check out my Patreon below!:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/water-signs-smrv-74947028?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator

[friendlzreminder]

This is the post that helped me figure out a mental problem of mine! I don't have ADHD, but this still sums up very well how I feel about some anxiety related things.

I have an unhealthy coping mechanism that is expressed through inaction. As a child, I loved doing or trying things. But as I was young, my mom told me I weren't ready for doing some things and told me to just go play. This l lead to me never offering help and therefore not learning basic things like cooking or washing clothes.

Later, when my dad told me to do something, he either complained I'd do it wrong or literally take the tools from me and do it himself instead of teaching me how to do it. Making me feel inadequat and incompetent.

In addition to this, I associate doing something wrong with punishment. Not because I was being punished but because my siblings were, when my father was involved. I was simply threatened with it, I just cut back quicker than them. Like that I learned obedience. It was disappointment, when my mother was involved (which is based on her rather expressionless features.).

I had also learned that not knowing things made you stupid and unworthy of care and respect, due to my siblings' and childhood friends' behavior. Asking things made me look stupid, but naively believing people left me up to be manipulated.

All of these things added into me avoiding to do things I wasn't explicitely told to do. It was safest that way. Safer even, if no one was watching. Still is, if I'm being honest.

Today, I have the problem that if someone is watching, and didn't tell me what to do because they expect me to do things on my own, I am stuck in a cycle of anxiety. Because not doing it is safe at first. But the comments about me not moving aren't. And having to fear judgment is so even less.

It can be so bad that I am unable to put my own glass into the dishwasher. Especially when I was criticized before. I can't cook. I can't do anything while being watched, unless I'm told to do it. And even then I worry I do it wrong because I've never done something like cooking 'right' before. I get overwhelmed at too many options and feel cornered by suggestions.

It's just a glass that I have to put away. But what if I do that wrong, somehow? What if I don't put it away and someone else does it for me? Will I lose my credibility as a person? Am I even supposed to put it away? What if the dishwasher is full? Or done already? What if my friend scolds me for it? Even just as a jab? What if they said something about it and I missed it?

It's just one glass, and I have to fight putting it away. How can I call myself a functional member of society if I struggle with something so minor?

I don't have a solution for it. But it's a thing that's happening. It's a control issue. I think most things are.

[circussuicide]

//

I'm stuck oscillating between anxiety, sadness, and anger.

I want everything to be okay. But I'm hurt and upset.

Part of me hopes you just don't speak to me again. A bigger, more traumatised part wants you to say something. Anything.

Confirm or deny my fears.

I know you need space but I know you're not thinking about how agonising this is for me. It's not fair.

I wish you could just understand. I wish you could try to empathise.

I'm sick of feeling guilty and blaming myself for having bad things happen to me.

It's not my fault I'm traumatised. It's not my fault that I react the way I do because of trauma.

You make me feel like I'm the worst person ever for having any sort of reaction.

Your lack of compassion astounds me every day.

One minute you're so sweet and kind and willing to help, and the next you're dropping me to the wayside because you don't actually care.

I'm sick of being caught up in this cycle with you.

And I'm sick of feeling like it's my fault.

There's two people here, and you're one of them. You're contributing to this harm, too.

But you always have to be right. You always have to win. I always have to grovel and apologise for things that are out of my control.

I don't have the privlige to get help and find the tools and coping mechanisms I need to get better. I just don't have that ability.

And that's not my fault, either.

[everydayofmystruggle]

5th March 2023

Thought i'd actually start documenting everything related to my food habits. I have some stuff I have written since it started. Maybe one day i'll add them here. Maybe not.

My relationship with eating and food is currently at the worst it has ever been. Writing it all out is a kind of therapy for me. Maybe it will actually help me, or even someone else someday. I do hope so.

I'm such a private person, maybe too much so sometimes. The thought of anyone finding out that I am struggling so much is my worse fear. I don't really know why I'm so emotionally inept, and so fear letting anyone see my feelings. That's a whole other therapy topic for another day. Now onto my eating.

I don't like the phrase 'Eating Disorder'; I can't imagine anybody does. But if I'm being totally honest with myself, in the past month, my poor relationship with food has definitely developed into one. It seems to be a mixture of many; either that or I just haven't settled into one or another yet.

For as long as I can remember, i've wanted to lose weight. Honestly, years. At least a decade, maybe longer. I've always been average- never truly overweight, but big enough to never be considered thin, or to be comfortable in my own skin. I've always had flab and fat, body parts i've wanted to change. I've gone through many diets through the years- the classic cutting foods, restricting, exercising lots etc. They've never really worked. And by this I mean I have never stuck to any of them long enough to notice a difference.

This is where my relationship with food comes in- I love it. Or, well, I did. I feel that because I have always enjoyed food, my periods of dieting/ restricting just crash and burn with a binge when I realise I can't resist for long. I don't think I ever had BED per se, but it definitely seemed like an abnormal, not so good way of eating.

This cycle has gone on for years- with myself never really being able to resist a binge, never strong enough to not give in to urges or cravings.

In the past, I had thought about all this, but not really enough. I have always been aware of EDs- I'm aware that the type of person I am means I research anything and everything. Bulimia for example, I had considered, if that's the best way to phrase it. I'm pretty sure there were a couple of times in the past I had given a half-hearted attempt to purge, but never bothered to actually do it.

Until last year, I had almost a phobia of throwing up.I hated it. Even the thought of it gave me such anxiety. Hah. To think where I am at now compared to even a year ago is insane.

So, past attempts at puring after a binge were always half-assed as I could never actually bring myself to throw up, and just felt gross. This all changed this year while I was away abroad. I can't pinpoint exactly when or how it happened, but something in me changed.

I spent a chunk of time travelling abroad, and I absolutely loved it and want to go back. I spent Christmas and the New Year with new friends, and was eating without thinking about any of it. We were eating big full meals, I was going out my way to eat ice cream, or extra slices of pizza for lunch. Just generally having a good time and enjoying my food. Sometime after that it must have clicked that I needed to lose a bit of weight, and should probably start watching what I was eating a bit more. I think a big part of it was knowing a friend from home was meeting me out there in a few weeks, and I didn't want to be fat with her.

I remember consciously chosing to not get ice cream a couple times, and trying to not each big lunches. As soon as I was back to travelling alone again, I started to eat less. I'd eat cup-a-soups, Granny Smith Apples, Ritz Crackers and cheese slices. These became my staple travelling foods. After eating like this for just a couple of weeks, I noticed that I was actually losing a bit of weight. This gave me a massive confidence boost, as well as motivation to keep going.

I stayed eating this way up until I met up with my friend, and we spent three days on an island with all our meals prepared for us. Already here after just a few weeks, I was worrying about eating. I remember thinking about the food situation the whole time.

Afterwards, I was planning to get straight back to my cup-a-soup diet. The turning point came when I spent one night at a hotel airport before travelling to another area. I had no time to shop for food and so ordered a Pizza Hut. I think even when ordering I was already starting to consider trying to purge afterwards, but wasn't 100% convinced i'd be able to. But after eating it all- a pizza and bolognese pasta bake, and feeling the post-binge cringe, I said to myself I would sit by that toilet for as long as it took to get it back up. And that was exactly what I did. It was gruelling; it took absolutely ages, it made me sweat, cry and cough a ridiculous amount. But it was the first time i had ever been able to make myself throw up, and it felt like an acheivement.

It was like a switch had been flicked. A new possibilty had been unlocked. I now knew I had the ability to get rid of a load of food after eating. Now, I'm not foolish, not completely anyway. I knew this was a dangerous game to play, and knew I should set some ground rules to myself there and then. I told myself this was to be a last resort option, for when eating a lot was unavoidable. But even while thinking this, I was also mentally planning how I could practice and get faster and quieter. I was treating purging like a new skill to be improved upon.

It's silly. I know how dangerous making yourself throw up is, both short and long-term. But instead of trying to stop, I found myself googling mitigation methods. How to lessen tooth damage from stomach acid, and what foods are the easiest to get back up. Yikes.

Anyway. After that first night, I went back to my Ritz and cup-a-soup diet again for the next few weeks. The next time I purged again was completely intentional. I was craving a McDonald's burger, and so rationalised in my head that I could eat it then throw it back up. It would satisfy my craving, and serve as practice for my technique. So i did just that, munching on some extra chocolate for good measure.

I think the first time I really reflected on my new view of food was on my flight home again. I was given two full on meals, and felt like I had to eat them, so I did. Then tried a few times to purge it up in the plane toilets. I think I got some up, but the small space and the anxiety of someone hearing got the bette of me and I gave up. Looking back, that was a low point. Squatting in the toilet of a plane, trying desperately to vomit up cauliflower soup while hoping no one was outsidee the door and could hear me.

Since properly being back home, it's gone from bad to worse. The first few times I purged again was after unavoidable eating- meeting friends for dinner a couple of times etc.

I have still been restricting, but in my own home with access to food it's easy to get tempted. I think while I was away and busy all the time, I was more distracted from eating. I want to get back in that frame of mind, where food and eating doesn't take up so many of my thoughts.

This past week has been particularly bad. From Saturday to Friday, I purged every single day. It started when a friend stayed at mine Saturday night, and we ate out lots. Being re-introduced to food like that again has messed me up. I'm now having cravings again and I hate it. I hate wanting food.

I threw up in a Nando's toilet one evening, and then later in Krispy Kreme. I'm not even ashamed. The whole time while eating the meal, I was planning my trip to go purge. I was intentionally drinking lots of water while eating. The same goes for the following day when we ordered food to the house.

As for the rest of the week, I can't even remember why I purged most of the days. I think first when I snacked a little too much of an evening. One of the days I was craving pizza, so ordered Pizza Hut with the intention of purging after. This sort of stuff is what makes me wonder if i'm more bulimic or anorexic. I guess it doesn't really matter.

When the pizza arrived, I decided to try chewing and spitting the food, and then purging the little amount I did eat. I can't lie, C/S did satisfy my craving nicely. It's just hard to say how much food I actually took in from it. I have managed to overcome a few cravings since then, to which I am quite proud, as I was hungover and could have easily given in and ordered food.

Oh, after a night out on Friday, the first thing I did when I got in to my hotel room was try to throw up as much as I could. It's mad that even when I was that drunk, it was still at the front of my mind.

Today I threw up again. For stupid reasons. All I had eaten was soup and some side bits, but I wanted a Belvita, and somewhere in my head I could only justify it by purging first. I'm going to try and stop doing it this frequently, beacasue it really will be a one-way ticket to every nasty side effect. I just need to work on my cravings and binges. Maybe I need to rid my house of any foods like that. I dunno.

My number one fear is definitely anyone finding out about any of this. I am forever lying about eating or what I have eaten. I laugh at jokes about eating disorders as if there's no way I have one. I am a good liar, am good at hiding things, so I don't doubt that I will successfully hide this from people.

I guess i'll keep writing this all down for as long as necessary. Currently, I have no intention of gaining a normal eating habit. Maybe it's bad, but I don't really care. I'm losing weight and I love it. I weigh around 63kg at the moment. I can see and feel where I am starting to look slimmer and I love it. This is why I don't really try to stop, and why everything revolves around eating less. I do want to not purge as much as I know how bad it is. I'd rather focus on restricting than bingeing or purging.

I like to think I have some control, but it's been a month and I already feel it slipping. Maybe writing this down is the first step to reclaiming some.

I like to think that one day, I will be happy both happy with my body and not focused on food/ eating so much. I hope the time comes, beacause as much as I am focusing on this to lose weight and lool the way I want, it is exhausting. It's all- consuming, and a constant battle. It's a battle I am happy to be in right now, but I hope to not always be in it.

<3

[oraclekleo]

3-Pile Tarot Reading - What is it about you that makes others mentally kneel in front of you?

I have prepared a reading where you pick one of the three piles (or two or all of them) based on which resonates with you. Then you scroll to the reading for your pile.

Clear and simple, right? Shall we begin?

What is it about you that makes others mentally kneel in front of you?

Pile 1 - Aura Quartz - 14 Bhadra Kali

Pile 2 - Selenite (Desert Rose) - 7 Dakshina

Pile 3 - Clear Quartz - Bhairavi Yogini

Pick the pile or piles you feel most drawn to!

See you in your reading!

P.S. Don't worry, I'm also working on the requested readings and you will get at least one today.

3-Pile Tarot Reading

Pile 1 - Aura Quartz - 14 Bhadra Kali

You are the creator of your own destiny and others are left in awe about it. You have goals, dreams, ambitions and you know how to achieve them step by stem. You are not the one to start feeling cold feet when an obstacle comes in your way. You are courageous, a fighter in your soul. Life hasn’t always been kind to you, it might have roughed your feathers more than once but here you still are, standing proudly and with a vision in front of you. You don’t know what boredom is as you have so many creative and groundbreaking ideas that you simply don’t have time to feel stuck. You have your emotions under control most of the time and you are likely the motherly kind of person, always taking care of others, being their trusty rock in the stormy seas of life. Your own life is likely a hurricane but you live by the saying “Calm sea never made a skilled sailor”. While you do go through rough times, you are still somewhat protected from serious harm. In your case, gods protect the courageous ones.

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Pile 2 - Selenite (Desert Rose) - 7 Dakshina

You are the survivor and people admire that about you. You have been through some tough times, you had to deal with fear and make difficult choices where none of the options looked ideal. You have been to dark places once. However, you have found your light, you have said the prayers to take you through the abyss safely, you took that step into the unknown, you made the hard choice and you have broken the cycle of manipulation and fear. You have trusted your guts and won over the inner insecurities and anxieties which were chaining you up and making you vulnerable in the eyes of others. You are that person no more now. You have found the path of self-love, passion, respect. You are now at the beginning of an exciting journey. You are building healthy relationships now, you love your new self.

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Pile 3 - Clear Quartz - Bhairavi Yogini

You are authentic and people are envious about that. You might have been insecure in the past, maybe never felt truly loved or beautiful but you have learned that true beauty comes within. It’s not only appearance, it’s the confidence you radiate. You are on the right path, you are true to yourself, you don’t let others decide what’s good for you. Sometimes people don’t understand your direction and the path you are walking. That’s fine. This path wasn’t meant for them, it’s yours. You don’t take anything for granted, you don’t follow others obediently. You ask questions, investigate and make your own conclusions and have your own opinions. It might lead to conflicts with other people, your friends and relatives might feel disappointed when you choose the path they didn’t imagine for you. You should know, you are protected and any fear or negativity will be erased away from your path as long as it’s authentic for you.

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I hope you liked this little game type of a reading. Let me know in the comments which pile you picked. As usual, pick what resonates with you and dismiss the rest.

Thank you for your attention!

Thank you for reading!

Hit the Like 💖

Comment! 💬

Reblog! 🔁

Follow for more! 💌

Any Feedback is Welcomed ✅

[goodmorningbluejay]

I freaking love this post so much and even though I dont think this is the route the show is gonna go in I would totally love it if they did.

Especially the parts with Vox not fighting back because he's afraid that Valentino would leave him and Valentino using Vox's insecurities as a way to both emotionally exploit him and use Vox as entertainment.

There could also be a chance that Vox feels indebted to Valentino considering when he and Alastor had that fight, all Vox had was Valentino. Which not only further cements those fears that Vox posses in his head but also opens up an avenue for Valentino to use lines like "After all I've done for you!?" and "I'm the only one who could ever love you." and actually have Vox to believe those words because of the context of the history between them.

But the main thing that I actually wanted to add on to this amazingly wonderful post, if I may be so bold is something that I feel I don't hear enough people talk about.

Valentino's venom.

Yeah, it's a litreal drug. it's used in Velvette's Love Potion™, It makes Angel litreally drift in and out of consciousness during Poison and we saliva constantly dribbling from Valentino's face.

With every kiss he and Vox have, Vox is getting more and more drugged yet feeling powerless to do anything about it.

"On and off" those were the words used to describe Val and Vox's relationship. And as the lovely @alice-after-dark has said, Vox is afraid of Valentino leaving. But I think it's not just because of fear he can't live without him but because of the fear that he litreally cannot live without him.

Vox has been on the drug, not filtered like the Love Potion, that is Valentino's saliva for how long? All we know for definite is that it's 7+ years because that's how long Alastor's absence was yet I feel like it's implied it's still even way longer time than that.

Let's think of how much power that gives Valentino.

Valentino is an abuser, yeah no shit we definitely know that but if Vox steps out of line or breaks up with Valentino. Valentino dosent even have to say anything or do anything, really. In fact, all he has to do is just disengage. You know why?

Because drug withdrawal symptoms include excessive sweating, Dizziness, Insomnia, vomiting, constipation, diarrhoea, aches and pains, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, paranoia and there were much much more symptoms I found online that further proves the point of how little Valentino has to do to punish Vox, and before you know it Vox is apologising and what do you know? they're back together and the cycle continues.

Vox is afraid of Valentino leaving because that's something Vox isn't, in his own mind, capable of doing, but no, he'll never admit that. He's not a victim, he's just being the bigger person and if Valentino leaves he can't hide behind that excuse anymore. He is trapped in a maze in the dark with nothing but a lie for flashlight, Vox is lost in every way yet still telling himself that as long as he's got his flashlight, he knows the way and he'll die before that battery runs itself dead, before he stops believing the lie he's whispering in his own ears.

He is in everyway stuck in with no way out.

Vox as an Abuse Victim

So here is that massive Vox post I promised, a day late for...reasons. I swear I have been working on this post for days, even before that StaticMoth discourse influx in my inbox.

After making my post about Vox and Angel and reading @deeply-unserious-fellow's post about a similar topic, I thought it might be finally time to make this post. Most people who have seen my content know how I typically portray StaticMoth. I have mixed feelings about Valentino at the best of times and outright dislike him at the worst. But frankly this post isn't actually about him (well, mostly). It's about Vox and why I am really hoping that Viv keeps the angle of Vox being an abuse victim.

TW for domestic abuse, physical violence, implied sexual abuse, abusive relationships, gaslighting/victim-blaming, and other canon-typical triggers. Contain abusive StaticMoth.

Honestly? The primary reason I hope she keeps it is because it would make him an even more complex character and bring attention to a criminally underrepresented group: abuse victims who are also bad people.

As pointed out in the post I tagged above, the world has become obsessed with this idea of a "palatable" victim, the poor suffering cinnamon roll. An abuse victim is expected to look like a victim. You're supposed to instantly feel sorry for them and want to protect them...but that's not so easy when the victim is someone who also hurts people, is it? It's not so easy to pretend they didn't do bad things too...but they are still a victim. That does not change just because they are a bad person. And thus it becomes complicated and interesting. Because it's not so easy to root for the victim when they're also victimizing others, especially when those others are people we care about...like Angel Dust. At the bare minimum, Vox is doing nothing to stop Valentino from abusing Angel or any of his other employees. Having Vox be a victim of the same abuse that Angel Dust suffers (at the hands of the same abuser no less) and yet also being someone who enables Angel's abuse creates a very complicated situation.

In a most media, the discovery of a mean/bad person being abused is frequently portrayed in a "well, they were abused so you can't be mad at them anymore" kind of light. Like "see? They're just an asshole because they were being abused! Now that we know, they're suddenly a good person!" Except that's not how it works. Someone can be a bad person and also be a victim. And even if them being an asshole was the result of their abuse, those behaviors and the consequences of those behaviors don't just vanish. They still hurt people and frankly I would riot if it came out that Vox was being abused by Valentino and then everyone in the show just up and forgave him for being an asshole. Like...no? He would still need to make up for his own shit and actually work towards being a better person. I like this character because he's an unapologetic asshole. If making him a victim takes that away, then that would be such a missed opportunity.

In fact, one thing I find interesting is that I definitely believe that Vox would have no problem admitting to being a bad person, but would rather fight an exorcist alone than admit to being a victim. His ego won't allow for it. He would probably laugh in your face and call you delusional while literally having a broken screen. Because he can't admit it, even to himself. He would see it as a sign of weakness and that's not acceptable to him (side note that being a victim does not make you weak, that's just what Vox's toxic mindset tells him). While I am fairly certain that he would have moved on from most 1950s mindsets since he is all about the future and progress and moving forward, toxic masculinity is still very much a thing today and I can definitely see him embodying it in some aspects, like needing to appear strong and in control at all times (and Hell's power hierarchy definitely encourages this mindset, so...). Fuck, even now in fucking 2024, men still have a hard time being taken seriously as the victims of abuse. Unless of course you fit a certain mold.

Angel Dust is the perfect example of this. He is a palatable male victim. He's effeminate, he's funny, he's friendly, he's caring, and we actively see him miserable in his suffering. Despite being in Hell just like the rest of them and having been a former mafia member and clearly able to stand on his own two feet it combat, his victimhood is constantly on display and the audience wants to protect and save him. On the opposite end, Vox is shown in a position of power that is constantly reinforced. He's an Overlord, he's manipulative, he's cruel, he's greedy, and he enables abusive behavior from others. He is not a palatable victim, which is why it's perfect.

Now let's get into what I believe is the actual evidence that this dynamic could still be present.

Something I see people commonly say is that Vox being abused by Valentino doesn't make sense because why wouldn't Vox just fight back? He could just shock Valentino into next Tuesday? And to these people I kindly say fuck you. Because while physical strength can be a factor in abuse, it is very rarely the thing that keeps the victim from leaving. Abuse, even when physical, is heavily psychological. It's like telling a victim "well, why didn't you just leave?" It's not that easy. Abusers tend to target those with low self-esteem and it's made pretty clear that Vox is a very insecure person (I feel the need to point out that having an ego and having high self-esteem are not the same thing, in fact having a big ego is typically a side effect of very low self-esteem). It's entirely possible that Vox makes the conscious decision not to fight back because he's afraid of what will happen if he does. He's afraid Valentino will leave. We know Valentino is just as mentally and emotionally abusive to those around him as he is physically abusive and we have actively witnessed him playing into Vox's insecurities and mentally messing with him (specifically in the events leading up to "Stayed Gone").

So let's talk about the scene leading up to "Stayed Gone," because I also see Vox's behavior towards Valentino here used as justification for why it's not possible for Valentino to be abusing Vox. Full disclosure, I myself in the past have even thought that it demonstrated them being mutually abusive towards each other, but have since changed my opinion after reading more takes and doing further analysis. Having rewatched this scene many times now, I have some observations.

There's a small moment that always caught my attention when I watched this scene because I wasn't sure what it meant, but looking at it in the context of this post, I think I can see a possibility. When Vox goes to see Valentino, he approaches the doors and they are opened for him by Valentino's servants. Vox pauses in the doorway, glances at them, then continues on inside.

What was the point of this moment? It seems out of place. Surely Vox has gone to Valentino's room before? Surely this door opening thing isn't new? And looking at Vox's face here, he looks...concerned? Like...they might hear what goes on inside? And he maintains that expression even as he enters the room, like he doesn't like that those two are out there and might hear them.

It also makes the entire situation feel so routine. Like Valentino is upset and these girls just expect Vox to show up and take care of it. And the scenes prior to this also sets it up as a normal occurrence. Vox rearranges his entire schedule to deal with Valentino, like he absolutely expects this situation could take up the rest of his day. And Valentino clearly doesn't listen to Velvette in this regard as she had to call Vox to come deal with Valentino despite him wrecking her department. Her comment even further establishes this as normal when she tells Vox that Valentino is "up in his tower, waiting for a flat-faced prince to calm him down." And when Vox arrives? "FUCKING FINALLY!" All of this sets up a standard situation: when Valentino is upset, it is Vox's job to calm him down and make him feel better. Valentino is a full grown adult and yet he has made it someone else's problem to manage his emotions.

Then of course we have the classic moment of Valentino literally throwing his glass at Vox only seconds after Vox has arrived. And this has to have been a conscious decision, because right before that, he throws his first glass on the ground before demanding another. So if he wanted to just break something, he didn't need to throw it at Vox, but he did. And I definitely don't think he cared if Vox got out of the way or not. But how easily Vox moves aside tells us that he fully expected to have things thrown at him and was ready for it. Now, I do believe that Valentino would throw shit at literally anyone when he is mad, but the key here is that Vox, his supposed friend, on-and-off lover, and business partner, is not exempt from this behavior. He even breaks Vox's phone when he realizes Vox is not paying attention to him. He has no qualms breaking Vox's property just to soothe his rage (I would also like to point out that he fucking obliterated that thing; just how hard did he fucking throw it?!).

Something in this scene that did initially throw me as I was writing this is that Vox doesn't seem particularly afraid of Valentino. Not the way we see Angel is when Valentino gets angry. We also see him actively get angry with Valentino, get in his face, and manipulate him. In the past, I believed this behavior from Vox to have established their relationship as mutually abusive. However, after reading yet another post from @deeply-unserious-fellow, I realized that everything Vox does here is only in direct response to Valentino's tantrum.

So let's go through some things here. When Vox initially tries to tell Valentino he can't go to the hotel, Valentino straight up ignores him. Does not respond to Vox's words, completely carries on like he didn't even speak. From this point on, Vox takes an entirely different approach to the situation. He manipulates Valentino into thinking that not shooting up the hotel is his idea and even offers further appeasement in the form of shooting his own employees as a method to satisfy Valentino's temper. I admit to initially viewing this as Vox being abusive, but frankly, when your options are being manipulative or letting your business partner go shoot up a hotel that houses the literal Princess of Hell, yeah, I'd take the manipulation route. Because, as I pointed out above, Vox cannot actually control Valentino. He tries to give him an order and is completely ignored. And even when he does successfully manipulate him, he still has to appease him in some capacity.

Now, there's also something here that is often played for shits and giggles, but I'm taking it 100% seriously right now. Many people point out that Vox's screen gets brighter when he gets in Valentino's face. Valentino is a moth demon and after Vox does this, he seems to be dazed for a moment, enough for Vox to rapidly switch back into manipulator mode and does his thing. It seems to have snapped Valentino out of his rage and I literally can't help but think that Vox has learned this as a defense mechanism. Valentino can't see very well, so it's very likely Vox's hypnotism doesn't work on him, so Vox had to find other ways of manipulating him and calming him down when he's in one of his rages.

Something I also want to point out is that it is made very clear through a single solitary moment that Valentino is in no way afraid of Vox. When he tells Vox about Alastor, Vox screams in his face, manhandles him, and Valentino just...pushes him off and saunters away, grinning like the cat that caught the canary. He doesn't even look upset or concerned when Vox grabs him. He just...laughs it off...like he knows Vox won't actually hurt him. Because I genuinely think Vox won't. Later in the episode, we hear Valentino's voicemails to Angel Dust and how he's emotionally manipulating him, telling him he can't really get better. I wouldn't be surprised to find that he's given Vox a similar treatment, especially considering that it's obvious Valentino knew what kind of reaction he would get out of Vox by bringing up Alastor. And sure, he brushes it off with a kink joke, but in all seriousness, why did Valentino keep Alastor's return from Vox? We know Angel has been at the hotel for a little while and Alastor has been involved with it as of a week prior to the beginning of season 1, so why suddenly bring it up? It's almost like he was specifically holding onto this information, waiting for the perfect time to use it that would be the most beneficial to him.

There's also another little scene that always caught my attention. It's when Valentino is getting pissed about the shadow construct that Angel Dust is flirting with.

Valentino starts getting pissy again, demands Vox's attention, gets annoyed when he doesn't get it, then immediately switches to mocking and confident when Vox starts bitching about Alastor. Like...he's so fucking proud of himself for getting Vox all worked up over Alastor. Like it's some kind of game for him. Riling Vox up and messing with his emotions is fun for Valentino. Alastor dredges up some real shit for Vox and Valentino exploits it. And from here on, he just keeps egging him on. Now, I'm pretty sure "Stayed Gone" would have happened with or without Valentino, but the point here is that he is definitely playing with Vox's emotions here.

As for the not being afraid aspect, again, Valentino hasn't actually threatened him with something that truly scares him. I don't think he's afraid of what Valentino could physically do to him. It's more likely to make him mad than anything else, even if he doesn't fight back (he'll probably go take out his anger on someone else). The thing about Vox is that we see that he does not like to appear weak in any capacity and I think this extends well into his own psyche. If he admits, even to himself, that he's a victim...to him, that's admitting weakness and he just can't do that. So Valentino's not abusing him, they just had a fight. He didn't hit back because he's in control of himself and he knows he could totally toast Valentino. It's Vox's own fault for pushing his buttons when he knew Valentino was mad. It wasn't rape cause he never said "no".

TLDR: Vox can be both an asshole and an abuse victim and it would be a really interesting aspect to his character as long as the show does it right and doesn't scrap his assholeness to make him a more palatable victim. Show him being a victim and also victimizing others. Show him not wanting to accept that he has been abused. LET PEOPLE BE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH FEELING SORRY FOR HIM.

(that's all for now, I have literally been working on this post for days and I'm exhausted)

[sky-berrie]

How would the batboys react to a female SO with Paranoid Personality Disorder?

Hi there!

Thanks so much for the ask. I hope this is okay :)

-Sky

Bruce

As a person living with paranoid personality disorder, you might be terrified that people are out to harm you. Your place of residence, Gotham city, does nothing but exacerbate your paranoid thought patterns, since criminals run rampant through the streets. It’s hard to distinguish between paranoid thoughts and substantiated concerns. Is that sketchy person with the full face covering one of Black Mask’s False Face Society members sent to abduct you, or are they just a conscientious citizen taking extra precautions to avoid contracting or transmitting the COVID virus? Being in a state of constant fear prevents you from living your life to the fullest. Luckily, your S/O happens to be Batman in his free time.

Bruce eases your mind just with his presence. He’s probably the smartest, strongest, and most resourceful person you know and being with him makes you feel safe. Bruce is the kind of person who you’d blindly listen to during an emergency – if he told you to jump out of a burning plane, you’d do it without a second thought because he’s never let you down in the past and you’re confident that he never will in the future. If you’re feeling fearful in public, Bruce will grab your hand or put an arm around you securely and soothingly whisper in your ear that he’s right here and there’s nothing to worry about. Having paranoid thoughts means that it’s difficult to reason with you, so you probably aren’t convinced that there is no threat, but you do experience some relief from his soft touch and gentle words. He’ll ask if you want to leave and he’ll take you to your safe space. If you’re feeling fearful in private, Bruce will hold you close and rub your back to reduce your anxiety. If you’re by yourself and start to have those racing, panicked paranoid thoughts, you can always call Bruce. He’ll drop whatever he is doing and come take care of you.

Bruce will teach you self defense to help you feel more comfortable around people. He won’t arm you with any dangerous weapons because he doesn’t want an innocent person to get hurt if you get spooked. Bruce will ask if you want to move into the manor since it has strong security and comes with several vigilantes. If you would rather stay at your own place, Bruce will install a variety of safety systems to make you feel protected. He’ll even spend most nights at your place so you can sleep peacefully. Overall, Bruce is like your lifeline. He’ll know just what to do to help you through your difficult thoughts.

Dick

Dick is a social butterfly who’s had his fair share of romantic partners in the past so it’s natural for you to feel jealous when he spends time with other people. Dick will adamantly declare that he’s with you and only you. At first you might try to ignore the prickly feeling of jealousy because you don’t want to come off as a possessive S/O, but the clues accumulate and suggest that he’s cheating on you. For example, he’ll rarely spend the night with you. You’ll catch him sneaking into bed at ungodly hours of the morning. When confronted, he’ll make up an excuse that he just went to get a drink of water or use the bathroom. You’ll spot bruises scattered over his chest knowing you definitely did not leave those there. He’ll play it off as a gym injury.

When you raise your suspicions, Dick is hesitant to explain. You take this as confirmation of infidelity and you’re ready to walk out. At that point, he has no choice but to come clean about his secret identity as Nightwing. That sounds farfetched and you likely think he’s a pathological liar. Finally, Dick proves it to you and explains that he didn’t want you to be dragged into his dangerous nightlife. While you accept that as the truth, you’ll always wonder if he’s hiding more secrets. Furthermore, you’re probably pissed that he was gaslighting you. Dick will do everything he can to make it up to you. He’ll apologize profusely and in extravagant ways, be more transparent, and shower you with excessive love and affection. It might take a long time, but eventually Dick will worm his way back into your good graces.

It doesn’t take long for the green-eyed monster to rear its’ ugly head again. Now that you’re in the know, you’re hyperaware of the attractive vigilantes that Dick works with and it’s emotionally draining to be jealous all the time. You don’t want to be the type of person who tries to control their partner’s life, but when the suffering becomes too much to bear, you might ask him to stop seeing certain people. Dick will calmly assure you that there isn’t anything going on with any of his vigilante friends. If that doesn’t appease you, he’ll suggest that you hang out with the team and get to know them. He hopes that you’ll see that there aren’t any romantic feelings between them. Whatever you do, please don’t force him to choose between you and his hero life. It will tear him apart.

Jason

Trust is very important to Jason. He doesn’t trust many people as it is and needs a S/O who he can trust wholeheartedly and who will trust him in return. He believes that this relationship will fail if you don’t have confidence in each other. He’ll take it personally if you distrust him. Jason will get defensive and frustrated if you accuse him of being unfaithful, especially if you don’t have a shred of evidence to support your claims. He’ll be offended and deeply hurt that you think so negatively of him but once he’s had some time to cool off, he’ll be able to process everything more objectively. He’ll accept that you can’t control the way you feel. You’d explained it to him once that you do trust him, but there’s a separate voice in your head that tells you otherwise. Jason won’t give up on you though. He’ll come up with a proposition - he’ll agree to install a tracking app on his phone so you can monitor his whereabouts if you’ll promise to work on learning to trust him, whether it be via professional psychotherapy or reading self-help books.

On the other hand, if Jason is one of the only people you trust, he’ll be elated to know that you two have built such a strong connection. It’ll be easy to confide in him because he’ll gladly listen to your worried thoughts with no judgement. At first, he’ll reassure you that nothing bad is going to happen to you – he’s Red Hood and nobody is going to pull anything on you if they value their life. Eventually he’ll realize that trying to reason with you isn’t helpful so he’ll stick to active listening when you’re experiencing paranoid thoughts.

However, if Jason is fresh out of the pit and emotionally unstable, you two will probably bond over your mutual distrust and cynicism about the world. Although you and Jason will get along exceptionally well, it’s possible that your irrational thoughts may feed each other’s paranoia and exacerbate the feelings of mistrust and suspicion. If you find yourself unable to let things go, feel free to vent away when you’re with Jason. He is the king of holding grudges, so he’ll probably support you and even join in on trash talking that person with you when you’re angry. Learning to forgive and forget is something you and Jason can work on together. In a way, it brings you two closer together since you understand each other on a level that others can’t begin to comprehend.

Tim

Tim very compassionate and patient; however, he’s afraid of triggering you so he’s often walking on eggshells around you. He just wants to be the perfect supportive S/O for you and doesn’t want to mess up the relationship. His worst offense (in your eyes) is using ambiguous language that lends to multiple interpretations. For example, he might innocently compliment your clothes/hair/makeup and you might assume that he only likes you for your appearance or that he’s implying that you’re vain for wanting to look nice. The moment you shoot him daggers, he’s realized his mistake and starts to furiously backpedal. He tries to explain himself, but he usually ends up digging himself a deeper hole. Eventually, he gets better at expressing his thoughts carefully so that they can’t be misconstrued.

Tim diligently tries to learn your other triggers and how to help. When you’re stuck in a cycle of paranoid thoughts, Tim will get you to focus on what’s real instead of trying to make you see sense. He’ll help you relax by walking you through breathing exercises, playing soothing music, or whatever strategies you find helpful.

Tim isn’t proud of this, but he’s resorted to deceiving you when necessary. For instance, if you’re experiencing paranoid thought patterns and want to be alone, Tim will hesitantly leave, but he’ll probably secretly monitor you only because he’s worried about your safety. If you’re afraid that others are reading your mind, he might pretend that he invented an anti-mindreading helmet to ease your suspicions. He knows you would feel betrayed if you ever found out about his dishonesty, but he reasons that your safety and comfort are more important in the moment.

Damian

Arguments with Damian are brutal. No matter how insignificant the disagreement is, Damian refuses to back down when he believes he’s right. Paired with your own stubbornness and contentiousness, these quarrels generally result in an impasse. Eventually your anger subsides and the depression sinks in. You might assume that Damian doesn’t love you anymore and that fight was the end of your relationship. Maybe you start packing your belongings to move out right away. Damian comes up behind you and asks what you’re doing. When you tell him that you’re leaving because he doesn’t want you anymore, he’s instantly remorseful. He takes your bags out of your hands and proceeds to pull you in close as he tells you how much he loves you. He assures you that two people can disagree and still love each other.

Damian doesn’t want to argue with you and he certainly doesn’t want to see you upset so he’ll always excuse himself before the argument becomes too heated. He hopes that some time apart will allow you both to calm down and come to a compromise, but it’s never that simple. Most of the time, you’ll need a third-party mediator, like a therapist, to resolve your dispute. The act of seeking out a therapist will be a huge accomplishment for your relationship. Damian likes his privacy and doesn’t want someone else in his business and you might be afraid to share intimate information with a stranger in fear that it will be used against you. Nevertheless, you both want to make this relationship work, so you’ll continue to seek help.

Damian has a habit of being blunt. He doesn’t mean to criticize or insult you – in his mind, he is only stating the facts or his opinion for the purpose of helping you improve. Despite his goodhearted intentions, it’s easy for you to take his comments the wrong way and perceive it as a personal attack. If he sees that his remarks have upset you, he’ll acknowledge all the positive aspects of your performance. Still, you might cling to the disparaging comments and ignore the praise. Going forward, Damian will try to be more encouraging and constructive and will only express feedback if you invite him to do so.

[aphrostarot]

Relationship Evaluation Pick a Pile

Let's dig deep into the relationship with the person you are thinking of.

*It does not have to be a romantic relationship*

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me if you are interested!

Pile One (Fuchsite):

Who is the person you’re thinking of?

The Lovers and The Femme Fatale:

Based on the energy I am getting from this pile, I would say that this is definitely a person that you are in a relationship with, with whom you also want to spend your future with. They emit soulmate energy, and are very warm and inviting. It feels like you’ve waited your whole life for this person and they’re finally here. With The Femme Fatale coming out to represent this person it shows that this is definitely a person who is very very attractive and that there's a magnetism between the two of you. You are constantly being drawn together. There is definitely some lust and some sex appeal in this relationship. The two of you really desire each other. You feel like this person is a little mysterious but when you're with them it's like all of the pieces connect.

How do they see you?

The High Priestess, Knight of Pentacles, and The Coquette:

The High Priestess shows that this person sees you as a very mystical and magical person. Having the Knight of Pentacles come out alongside it describes that they feel like you are a dream come true. They have waited for you for so long and now that you are here it is like magic, which explains the reason why they think you are magical. They also see you as someone who is very slow-moving and as someone who takes their time with everything in life before making decisions. The Coquette in Oracle is somebody who is very flirtatious, they love attention and they're very attractive. They think you have major game and that you are very sexy.

How do they feel about the relationship?

Ten of Pentacles:

The Ten of Pentacles shows me that they see you as someone with whom they can build an abundant future. They have this dream of accumulating so much abundance that they can settle down and be a provider for their family, and they want you alongside them in that journey.

What are you ignoring about this person?

Knight of Cups:

Having the Knight of Cups come out as something that you are ignoring about this person shows me that you are blinded by the lust of this relationship that you are willing to ignore that this person is not as mature as you would like. They view romance through rose-colored glasses and are willing to do whatever it takes to be in a relationship, but they are not really willing to settle down right now.

What is the relationship based on?

Knight of Wands:

This is a highly sexualized card and having it come out as the foundation of your relationship shows me that the two of you are lost in the lust of your relationship. You two may be at the very beginning of your relationship or you are still stuck in the honeymoon phase. The two of you can not keep your hands off of each other. We do know with the Ten of Pentacles that they see you as someone they want to spend their life with but with this card it is showing me that you two are not yet in the position to begin that conversation. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing it just shows that the two of you need to grow a bit more.

What is the future of your relationship?

The Fool:

Having this card come out in a future position is a bit hard to interpret because it represents beginnings. So, this is confirming that the two of you may be at the beginning stages of the relationship or are still in the puppy dog phase. We know that the two of you have feelings for each other and want to spend your lives together but your guides are telling you that the future of this relationship is up in the air. According to them, you don't need to know the future just yet.

What lessons are you going to learn from this relationship?

Six of Cups and Clover:

The Six of Cups is the card of soulmates, of past life relationships. This relationship will teach you what a soulmate relationship feels like. You have lived all your life without being with a soulmate and now, you are in one which will help teach you what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone who truly gets you and is your soul counterpart. Clover in Oracle tells you to release your guilt, and it feels to me like you have been holding on to this guilt in your life because you feel like you need to bear your wounds and that they define you. Your guides are telling you this is not the case with this card. You can learn from your past mistakes and grow from them. You do not have to be defined by the mistakes you have made, and this relationship will help you to do just that.

Pile Two (Rose Quartz):

Who is the person you are thinking of?

The Queen of Wands and The Queen Bee:

The Queen of Wands is an extremely ambitious person. They are constantly trying to climb the career ladder and are willing to do anything to get what they want. They are also being represented by the Queen Bee in Oracle, and this is the stereotypical Regina George card. This person is a leader of sorts but only because everyone around them fears them. Based on the energy I am getting from this pile it feels like this person is a friend and not a romantic partner. This feels like a friend that you are falling out with.

How do they see you?

Eight of Cups and The Heretic:

The Eight of Cups depicts a person who is leaving everything in their life behind them as they move on to newer things. This person sees you doing just that. They think that you are leaving them in the dust and moving on to other people. They also see you as The Heretic who is often viewed as a rebel, the person who goes against what society wants and is punished for it. Your friend sees you as this person. They think that you are leaving them and they do not like this.

What are their feelings about the relationship?

Nine of Swords:

The Nine of Swords is the card of depression, anxieties, and insecurities. This person is extremely anxious about you leaving, they think that you could do much better without them and they do not want this. Seeing as they are the Regina George type I think that they do not want to leave because they want to control everything and be on top and they view you as a threat.

What are you ignoring about this person?

Ten of Swords:

Your guides are telling you that the thing you are either unaware of or choose to ignore is the idea that this person isn't mean just because. They have gone through a lot in their life which has caused them to become this mean person. This is not an excuse, but merely an explanation for their behavior. They want you to be aware of this moving forward so you won't view this person as completely evil without reason. Please be aware that they are in no way trying to guilt you into doing anything.

What is this relationship based on?

Death:

This relationship is built on death, not literal death. When the two of you got together you both had gone through a death cycle and you both became friends because you needed people. According to the energy, I think that both of you have changed greatly since then. You turned into a healthier version of yourself and they became a mean person. Since then, you have grown apart. According to your guides, this relationship is based on old versions of yourselves.

What is the future of this relationship?

Three of Cups:

As the Three of Cups is all about joy and celebration, having this card come up in a relationship would usually indicate that there will be celebration in the relationship. However, I don't believe this is the case here. Your celebrations will be separate from your relationship, as you two will be celebrating as individuals. Once you leave this relationship, you will become even better versions of yourself, and that is the reason for the celebration.

What will you learn from this relationship?

Six of Pentacles and Voyage:

The Voyage tells you that you already have all the answers in front of you. This is interesting because when I was shuffling for this question, I had a hard time getting answers out of the decks, which makes sense with this card telling you that you already know the answers. This card indicates that you have been feeling lost for a while now and have been trying to find answers outside of yourself, but the answers can be found inside of you. Having the Six of Pentacles come out is your guide’s way of saying that you may need to find another person to talk to. They say that it is easier to talk out your emotions with another person than to try to figure it out on your own. A friend, a family member, or a spiritual advisor can be an excellent source of support. You can also dm me if you wish!

Pile Three (Amazonite):

Who is the person you are thinking of?

King of Swords and The Queen Bee:

The King of Swords is very a very aggressive and manipulative person, who can oftentimes be represented by a male figure. This person is watching you and judging everything you do very harshly. The Queen Bee is essentially the same thing, but more of a Regina George type. They are very harsh and manipulative, choosing to lead with an iron fist.

How do they see you?

Eight of Swords and The Mastermind:

They see you as a competitor, someone who could be an even better leader than them. They do not like this at all. Which explains the Eight of Swords, which represents being caged in. They want to keep you in their view and proximity so that they can control you. Regardless of whether this is romantic or platonic, it doesn’t matter because it is still toxic.

How do they feel about your relationship?

Death:

This card coming out tells me that this person has lost their feelings towards the relationship. They are no longer interested in you in a romantic or platonic way. This feels like a keep your friends close and your enemies closer type of relationship. I do not think that you are aware of this and I am sorry that you are going through this.

What is something you are ignoring about this person?

Ten of Swords:

I think that you are aware of this person’s dark past, and how much they have gone through. I think that you thought you could help fix them when the two of you got together and this is not the case anymore. They no longer have feelings and they are keeping you around to control you which is very toxic. You may be aware of how toxic your relationship has become, but you choose to ignore it.

What is this relationship based on?

The High Priestess:

Secrets underlie this relationship. You really like this person and you really want to make it work but this person doesn’t. It is not a good relationship for you anymore, and your guides don't want you in it. They say that this is not right for you and that they have been trying to get your attention for some time now. They are pleading that you listen this time and leave this relationship because it is not good for you at all.

What is the future of your relationship?

Page of Wands:

The Page of Wands coming out as a future outcome in a relationship is not favorable. It shows that this relationship is not going to progress into anything. It will maintain where it is from here on out. I am very sorry because based on the energy I am receiving from this pile it feels to me that you are really trying to make this work. However, your guides do not want you to stay in this relationship anymore, they want you out as soon as possible. They have been trying to tell you this for some time now and I feel like you may be slightly aware of this but are choosing to ignore it. Your guides are saying that now is not the time to ignore it anymore, you need to leave.

What lessons will you learn from this relationship?

The Lovers, Universe, and Castle:

Through this relationship, you are learning more about yourself. Because this person does not give you what you deserve, you are learning how you should be treated and how you should be loved. You are learning your worth from this relationship. The Castle is telling you that it is time for healing, not war. It is time for you to end this relationship and heal yourself, not fight for it. You are being told by the Universe that there are more fish in the sea. It may sound cliché, but this is what your guides want you to know. Someone will give you so much more than what this person is giving you.

Pile Four (Amethyst):

Who is the person you are thinking of?

Ace of Pentacles and The Gamine:

The Ace of Pentacles represents foundations and new beginnings. This person that you are thinking of has recently started a new career and is building a new foundation for themselves. The Gamine in the Oracle deck represents someone who is very confident within themselves and is a very free spirit. They are an extremely charming individual who makes friends wherever they go.

How do they see you?

Four of Swords and The Maid:

This person sees you as someone who has been hurt a lot in their life and that you are currently going through a period of rest, trying to heal yourself. The Maid in The Oracle deck shows that they see you as someone who is very secretive and that you are taking the back burner in life. Stepping back and observing everyone but making sure that others do not notice your presence.

How do they feel about your relationship?

Knight of Pentacles and Seven of Cups:

Based on the energy I am receiving from this pile it feels to me that this person is a potential love interest. I think that you do not know this person or that you just became friends and you have a crush on them. I can tell you with that Seven of Cups coming out that they have noticed you too, they see you as a potential option. The Seven of Cups shows someone who has a distinct journey they want to be on but they have lost their way. I think that you are who they want to be with on their journey but that they are still trying to figure out how to get to you. The Knight of Pentacles is showing you that this person is going to take their time with coming forward, it will be a slow process.

What are you ignoring about this person?

Six of Cups:

You are unaware that this person is your soulmate. I feel like a part of you thinks that it may be them but that you have never experienced a soulmate connection so, you do not know for sure what it feels like. Your guides are telling you that this person is your soulmate. They are someone that you have spent lifetimes with and it looks like you will spend another with them.

What is your relationship based on?

Seven of Pentacles and Three of Wands:

The Seven of Pentacles is all about growth, so that being said this card is showing me that your relationship will be based on the two of you growing together, healing together. This person will help you to heal all of your past wounds. The Three of Wands is the card of teamwork, which shows that the two of you make a great team. You will work very well together, which will help you heal and grow together.

What is the Future of this relationship?

Justice:

Justice as a card is represented by the law and the court system so it is worth noting that the future of this relationship would result in marriage. But just based on the energy I am receiving with this pile I think that the Justice card is saying that when you get together the future of your relationship will allow each other to grow into your Divine selves and you will overcome all of your traumas together. That's the justice. Marriage could be a possibility though but not for some time.

What lessons will you learn from this relationship?

Three of Cups and Protest:

If you look at the picture of the two of these cards you can see that they both depict three women who are facing away from the viewer. Representing teamwork and collaboration. You will learn how to work well in a team with this person. We know that you have taken some time away from people because of your past and this relationship will help you to do that. The Three of Cups represents celebration so this relationship will also teach you how to celebrate your wins and losses. Protest tells you that you will learn how to take a stand and voice your opinions with this person. With the Justice card coming out too the two of you may even participate in some protests. You both will learn to stand up for what you believe in and help others as well.

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