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curioussubjects · 4 years

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come be a season 12 truther with me; or what if dean and cas got together offscreen

Originally, I wrote this post to celebrate “Galaxy Brain” airing as Berens & Glynn gave us “The Future.” It’s been a while since that episode aired, and some things have changed about this meta. As such, there are multiple versions of this post floating around, so make sure to go back to the source for the most up to date version. For all intents and purposes, this post functions as a meta manifesto not unlike shipping manifestos from days of LJ past. In keeping with that tradition, this post is a close reading of Dabb Era Destiel in which I argue that by using narrative gaps, queer coding, and romance tropes, Dean and Cas are shown to be in an established relationship. Although beyond the scope of this post, it’s worth pointing out that keeping Destiel mostly off screen was a way for the creatives to bypass network censorship while still remaining true to the characters.

This post is divided into three sections. Section I focuses on giving an overview of why earlier seasons of Supernatural aren’t as compelling as season 12 as a turning point for Dean and Cas’s relationship. That said, special consideration is given to 09.06 “Heaven Can’t Wait” as a potential rest stop in our journey due to it’s significantly placed narrative gap as well as themes in the episode. However, this post isn’t going to examine season 9 trutherism in depth, though it does coexist with and allow for it. Section II analyses season 12 and proposes a timeline and justification for the shifting Destiel dynamic. Finally, Section III will offer an analysis of how Dean and Cas’s relationship has changed dramatically from previous seasons in a way that is most like the shift from a “will they or won’t they” pairing to an established one.

Before I move to Section I, I’d like to note something this post takes for granted: Dean and Cas are the main romantic subplot of Supernatural, and, in fact, their relationship is elevated to main plot for both characters in season 15. This post won’t argue about the canonicity of Dean and Cas’s feelings for each other, therefore, and so won’t spend time looking at many Destiel defining moments. I’d also like to make clear that this post also takes for granted that Destiel is being intentionally developed by the writers starting with Carver’s Era, and more so in Dabb’s.

I. Why Seasons 4 through 11 May Not be It

The tl;dr. here is that while there are many moments throughout these seasons that Dean and Cas could potentially get together, none of those moments are ideal for a bunch of reasons that can be summed up as really bad timing. I also think the narrative is actively pushing them towards a moment that works. We get plenty of stepping stones, especially once we hit seasons 8 through 11 (and 11 most of all).

Seasons 4 & 5:

I know there’s been a lot of get together fics over the years set in this time period, but I just don’t see it. Do I see them being intrigued and drawn to each other? Yes. Do I think either Cas or Dean would act on it? Nope. I’m not arguing anything re: Dean’s feelings, but with everything going at the time I find it hard to believe he’d pursue anything with his angel friend. Most importantly here, though, is that during this time Cas was still very alien and other. There was too much angel in him, and while he obviously came to care about Dean (and Sam) very much, I just can’t see him navigating the realm of human relationships. That said, seeing human!Cas in “The End” is the first we see of potential developments for how Cas could behave without his angelness interfering. Being human changes Cas a lot, beyond even his experience existing among humans, though that of course matters too. This development will be important later /wink.

Seasons 6 & 7:

Before anything else let me just recognize that if we could see some sexual tension in seasons 4 & 5, these two seasons come with our first taste of romantic tension. The pining! Also note the difference between season 4 Cas and season 6 Cas in terms of behaviour. He is much less the angel we saw in that barn in “Lazarus Rising.” In season 6, we have a Cas making misguided decisions guided entirely by his emotions – namely, not wanting to involve Dean with the war in heaven – which is peak human, honestly. Put a pin on how sad Dean is in both seasons with Cas’s absence. Finally, put a pin on this being our first moment of Cas doing things on his own to spare Dean and it not ending well (soulless!Sam, Cas “dying” after Leviathan) because this is *the* hurdle in their relationship (along with Dean’s lashing out and self-worth issues). With all this said, the marked distance between Dean and Cas in these seasons negates the possibility of them entering into any kind of relationship. Much like seasons 4 and 5, there’s too much going on.

Season 8:

Ah, yes, the summer of purgatory. If you thought we had pining before…! I think we’re all very clear on season 8 being a turning point for the show, not only because new showrunner, but we also get the bunker. TFW now has an HQ, which pretty soon becomes home. Yes, Baby will always be home, but the bunker becomes the *unmovable* safe haven that Baby couldn’t be. The bunker is a place to coalesce, and for all the amazing things Baby is, she is not that. The acquisition of the bunker marks a shift in the psychology of the show: with the stable home space we can start to imagine domesticity, a place to come home to, the stuff of ordinary living. Most of all, the bunker is emblematic of security, of safety –keep this in mind, as we go forward.

This season also continues to see Cas go down the path of independently solving his problems instead of asking for help from Sam and Dean (his family in a way heaven never was) – note that the better together issue is at play in different ways with Sam and Dean also, but I digress. I also want to point out disastrous instance #2 of Cas’s insistence on figuring it out on his own: he loses his grace, and the angels fall. As for Dean, season 8’s focus for him has much to do with Sam, and them coming face to face with their issues with codependency, which hit catastrophic levels with the gates of hell and Gadreel plots.

So despite all the deliciously angsty get together purgatory fics and spec, there’s too much distance between Dean and Cas on Cas’s part due to his guilt over betraying the Winchesters in s6 plus slaughtering angels plus unleashing Leviathan. We do see Dean being more emotionally open with Cas and continue to voicing his wish that Cas would just stay with him and Sam, and let them help. It’s clear as day how much Dean cares. The timing is still bad, though.

Before moving on to next season, let’s take a moment to appreciate that this is the season Dean admits being kinda done with one night stands because “always with the adios.” Remember the bunker as a sign of stability? Yeah. I wouldn’t say Dean is craving a relationship, exactly, but I think we can see that he does want something more (ahem also I’m nodding to Cas refusing to stay put just cause).

Seasons 9 & 10:

The most important thing to happen between this two seasons is Cas’s stint as a human for an extended period of time. There’s been plenty of spec and meta written over the years about the effects of being human on Cas’s grace (a proto-soul now maybe?). What we can say for sure, regardless, is that Cas is much more humanized once he becomes an angel again. The understanding he gets from being human doesn’t go away once he regains his angel powers. You’ll notice that while we still see some of season 4’s characterization, Cas is not the same as he was – he is alien to angels now and is more intelligible to humans. Additionally, in an interesting reversal from previous seasons, we now get to see the depth of Cas’s feelings for Dean (thanks, Metatron) as well as seeing him be more open emotionally, while Dean does most of the pushing away (first because of Gadreel, then because of the Mark of Cain). In short, the timing is still bad as Dean and Cas are largely kept apart both physically and emotionally.

9.06 Heaven Can’t Wait

This episode is my white whale, friends. While I’ve come to fully subscribe to the idea that something did happen between Dean and Cas during the fanfic gap, I don’t actually think it’s feasible that it marked the start of a relationship -- be it sexual or romantic. My reasoning here is quite simple: the timing is bad. Were it not for external events (Cas regaining his Grace and Dean taking on the MoC), the course would have likely differed. Furthermore, Dean’s guilt over making Cas leave the bunker as well as Cas’s own hurt and self-loathing pose a significant and as yet insurmountable obstacle, which is easily seen with how Dean and Cas’s character trajectories go separate ways.

YMMV on what exactly happened between them in that Motel, but something definitely did. Perhaps one day I’ll have a proper s9 trutherism post to link to here for more details (likely won’t be written by me, though).

10.16 Paint It Black

From the point Dean gets the MoC until the end of season 10, anything between him and Cas is quite impossible due to distancing, to say the least. Again, yes, the fic is really good, but alas. One of the reasons I’m bringing up this episode in particular is because of the confession scene. One, it’s a rare bit of explicit emotional honesty from Dean, and two, it tells me that while he and Cas may be well aware of the Thing™ between them, it’s still uncharted waters. It’s scary, and murky, and they’re unsure how to navigated it or if they should even try. Makes sense, too, there’s been A LOT going on since s6. Anyway, he’s the full confession:

You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it. […] Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people, feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time. […] Yeah, I’m just starting to think that… maybe there’s more to it all than I thought.

Can I just say, first, that this confession keeps me up at night because we never actually see anything done with it explicitly? I mean, obviously, I think we do in fact see the effects of this confession in the show, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this behemoth, but still, like. Damn. Ok, so, remember when I brought up that thing in season 7 about Dean being kinda done with hook-ups? Here’s where that led us. We’re seeing a Dean here who wants more than what he has convinced himself he gets to have. He wants more than dying bloody. And when he talks about wanting to experience people and feelings differently, well, that says a lot not just on the queer coding front or the romantic front. I mean, jfc, Dean is accepting the idea that he can have more in life than just hunt until he drops, and he’s specifically talking about experiences at the interpersonal level.

Do you ever see a character having an epiphany and find yourself wanting to cry because this is it right here. Dean is just blatantly admitting he wants more and maybe he can make himself be open to that (!!!), which all culminates in season 11, so…

Season 11:

The pining is still here, but it’s worse now since it’s the whole plot? It’s been *checks calendar* 5 years of this. How are any of us still kicking I don’t know. Your slow burns could never. Cool worth noting points: Cas says yes to Lucifer (bad decision #2.5, lots of mitigating effects_I don’t actually hold it against him that much but Dean is another story & not entirely rational at this point); for the first time since the early days, Dean and Cas are on equal grounds: they’ve both fucked up a lot and have hurt each other. The issues this season are outside their dynamic. Amara and Lucifer here serve as externalizing forces for Dean and Cas’s problems: Cas checks out with Lucifer because he thinks it’s the only way he can help, Dean is caught up in the turmoil of Amara, the emblem of absence and avoidance of struggle. We do get something like an affirmation from the two of them to each other via Dean calling Cas his brother (and I want y’all to consider the historical queering of that statement, and Cas’s “I could go with you.” It feels like we’re headed to them being on the same page. By the end of the season, though, it feels like we’re getting a clean slate: Mary is back, nobody died, no end-of-the-world in sight, no interpersonal crisis. We’re also getting a new showrunner, so. No wonder. We’re gearing up for something, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What this season does that is super important is that it sets up the stage for the possibility of an actual relationship between Dean and Cas, something that has, up until this point, been pretty much impossible.

11.04 Baby

Y’all know what I’m about to quote here, right? That conversation between Dean and Sam about having something with someone who understands the life. Here we still have Dean reverting to the idea that it’s impossible, which is a direct contrast to the openness in 10.16. It’s understandable, though, considering there’s been little reason to think anything like that would be possible (see all the mess and poor timing from seasons past). The quote in question, though, marks a continuing development regarding the issues Dean is struggling with this season:

DEAN: Piper? That’s awesome. Heather. One-night wonders, man. Shoot, we’re lucky we still get that at all. SAM: Really? You don’t … Ever want something more? DEAN: I’m sorry, have you met us? We’re batting a whopping zero in domestic life, man. Goose eggs. SAM: You don’t ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But … Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?

We wouldn’t be talking about this stuff all these years after Sam and Dean had a serious relationship if it wasn’t important, right? Also who else do we meet this season? That’s right! Eileen! And doesn’t that hit different with season 15 hindsight? And who does Dean have that understands the life? Whose stories have been intricately connected to his? Right now, this is all conjecture. A pipe dream Sam is revisiting, and Dean is skeptical about. Except, well. Look at what we get in “Into the Mystic” and “The Chitters.”

11.11 Into The Mystic

I’m bringing up this episode as a cross reference to “Paint It Black” as well as to complement the talk from “Baby,” and to show, again, that, for all the closeness between Dean and Cas, there’s still a marked distance they haven’t yet bridged. There’s still truths they haven’t told each other. Thanks Mildred for the delicious exposition:

Darlin’…If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my years on the road, it’s when somebody’s pining for somebody else. […] Oh, don’t try and hide it now. Follow your heart. Remember?

11.19 The Chitters

And here we see some validation to Sam’s imagining of a possible future with someone else. We actually see hunters who not only are married, but they both make it out alive. Jesse and Cesar get their happy ending. They make the dream come true. And the reality of it important not just for Dean to see, but Sam too.

Dean: [with realization] Oh, so … [points back and forth to Jesse and Cesar] Cesar: Yeah. Dean: Okay, that’s… Cesar puts his beer bottle on the table and looks at Dean, while Jesse is being silent. Dean: What’s it like, settling down with a hunter? Cesar: Smelly, dirty. [turns to Jesse] Twice the worrying about getting ganked.

I’d like to point out, too, that the fear of getting ganked is thematic when it comes to the tension between Dean and Cas. More on this when we hit s13.

Alright, now, having said that, let’s take a look at season 12. Bear in mind, this is the official start of Dabb’s era, even if he kinda began taking over in season 11, and the change in vibes is obvious. In fact, 12 jumped out at me as a turning point, in hindsight, after getting smacked by the domesticity of seasons 13 and 14.

II. Why Season 12

[Out of date section. Update coming soon when spoons. After significant debate, I’ve altered the definitive start of Dean and Cas’s friend-with-benefits-with-mutual-pining relationship to between 12.02 and 12.03. I briefly explained why here, and yes it’s a shitpost--still true tho.]

Finally, the promise land, y’all. Getting right to it: what s11 was for Dean in terms of setting up the relationship stage, s12 was for Cas. In its initial beats, any way. That is, until the Kelly debacle, this was the longest Cas has been around the bunker and with the exception of seasons 13 and 14, it’s one of the first times we get to see how Cas might actually fit into the bunker-as-home. Things seem remarkably chill. Of course, we’ll notice that there’s still a lot of baggage hanging around because despite Dean and Cas being in a more stable place, they haven’t actually dealt with their interpersonal problems. I didn’t single out directly this episode, but do keep in mind Cas’s declaration in 12.09 First Blood as far as how much the Winchesters matter to Cas & how we also see Dean and Cas be particularly singled out with them seating together in the backseat of the Impala. What we also see this season is Cas trying to prove he is worthy of this family, his family. He’s not fighting for heaven or to right some grievous wrong (a la s8). No, this season he’s fighting to spare the Winchester, to bring them a win. To bring Dean a win. The major disconnect is that Dean (and Sam & Mary) already sees Cas that way, he doesn’t think Cas has anything to prove. And just maybe, Cas starts believing that too – or, at least, believing it enough.

12.10 Lily Sunders Has Some Regrets

This episode, oh my god, the goodness. In the wake of 12.09 we have Dean and Cas in a tiff because Cas mistake #3 (killing Billie and “cosmic consequences”), this is a pattern. Twice the worry of getting ganked, etc etc. But where this episode really shines is through the contrast between Ishim’s obsession with Lily and Cas & Dean’s mutual affection for each other. Ishim sees no difference here and, to him, Cas’s feelings for Dean are a human weakness. Returning to my point about human!Cas, this episode underscores that Cas’s increasing humanity is what puts him in the place where he can want what Dean wants instead of either being too alien to get it (see s4 & 5) or unable to experience it properly (Ishim).

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

Cas’s trajectory culminates here with the whole I love you (@ Dean), I love all of you (@ Winchesters). Let’s note too that Cas is dying here, in a way that is much more human than going up in light. This declaration of different types of love is entirely human. It’s also a definitive step wrt to Cas and Dean’s relationship because of what happens in 12.19. This. is. it. Oh, and, of course, let’s not forget to point to Dean’s face when Cas says that “I love you,” and how terrified he is that Cas is dying. Might make one rethink some things, hm?

12.19 The Future

This episode is simply hella suspicious, and all the kudos to Berens and Glynn for writing it. It’ll haunt me forever. Consider watching it again and just questioning everything. So. Weird things:

1. Dean’s reaction to Cas no getting in touch as opposed to Sam’s. Dean is pissed, which is Dean-speak for worried out of his mind. Sam is very worried, too, and puzzled, but he’s mostly expressing his relief that Cas is back. But Cas has gone awol before, but this time Dean is much more worked up about it; Sam takes note of this, too. Now, let’s imagine that maybe the events of 12.12 led to something happening between Dean and Cas. Then Cas decided to leave to find a lead on Kelly, but eventually Cas decides to work with Heaven and goes radio silent. For days. Having taken a chance, and something having happened between them, how would Dean react to Cas just going poof and not contacting him – despite Dean having called Cas multiple times.

2. Cas knows about the Colt. Ok, nothing off there. But when he goes to Dean’s room to talk, right after Dean leaves we see Cas looking around briefly. Like he know Dean would keep it in there. Maybe Cas had looked other places already. Who knows. What we do know is that eventually he does find the Colt not only in Dean’s room, but under Dean’s pillow. Sam didn’t even know the Colt wasn’t in the safe. So how did Cas know?

3.“He came into my room and he played me.” So, this quote right there, makes it seem like some seduction for personal gain, right? But can you see Cas actually doing that if they hadn’t gone there previously? For Dean not to suspect anything and go with it? There’s plenty of plausible deniability here, but the gaps in time in the narrative make me question what is there in those spaces. The scene where Cas tried to give Dean the mixtape back doesn’t read like “playing,” so it’s about a different interaction. Hm. Hmmm.

4. Dean and Cas’s brief conversation in Dean’s room is clearly Dean just wanting Cas to stay, so they can work (and be) together – because they’re better that way. Which, yeah, truth, but also ow.

5.And most importantly: When did Dean give Cas that mixtape??? How did that happen?

Sequence of events: Cas tells Dean he loves him – Dean is clearly shook by it – Dean gives Cas a mixtape (romantic gesture, often a declaration of feelings; in true Dean speak too lolsobs) – Cas goes awol - Dean acts like he got ghosted by his new bf -?????- Cas somehow knows the Colt is under Dean’s pillow – "He went into my room and he played me."

What am I supposed to do with that, hm? Like. Y’all realize they probably had some emotionally constipated getting together moment, right? Something that Dean clearly initially thought meant things were gonna change, now. Something that Cas couldn’t allow to happen until he could give Dean a win. Y’all are seeing this, yeah? I’m not saying they slept together and were full of feelings, except that’s kind of what I’m saying. But YMMV, there are other possibilities beyond sex. The full of feelings isn’t up for debate, though, even if the whole thing is informed by ridiculous amounts of miscommunication.

III. Seasons 13 through 15 As Established Relationship

Regardless of what happened in season 12, exactly, I can’t shake the feeling that something did happen, and something did change. My reasoning here is actually really simple: in comparison to previous seasons, Dean and Cas’s dynamic shifts significantly come season 13. I know some folks have been disappointed with some of season 13 and then season 14 for having dialed back on the destiel side of things. And, hey, maybe there’s truth to that in terms of backstage stuff, but I also want to point out that...well, the dialing back isn’t quite dialing back is it? Let’s look at 13 a little more closely:

Season 13:

So I said the deancas dynamic changed, right? I also think that change caught us unaware because the pivotal turning point that would cue us in never happened on screen as well as being subsumed by Cas’s death and Jack’s birth. But if I ask you about deancas in season 13 what would come to mind? Grief arc? Brokebacknatural? How domestic Dean and Cas are? There’s just something easy about their relationship after Cas returns from the Empty. The tension we’d grown so familiar with over the years is gone. Actually, it feels like we skipped the getting together bit of their relationship and went straight to established relationship and parenting. Some of the most peak married deancas moments we see circulating? Season 13, (and 12.10). It’s a lot, and it’s different, and it’s amazing.

13.01-13.05

Dean’s grief mini-arc. He was acting like a widower. Here’s me vaguely gesturing towards the mapping of Jonh, Mary, Dean, and Sam onto Dean, Cas, Sam, and Jack. And the reunion? I can’t help but be giddy at the song choice: “it’s never too late to start all over again.” To. Start. All. Over. Again. I’m just saying.

13.06 Tombstone & 13.16 Scoobynatural

I’m not going at length about these episodes, I just want to point out that they reveal that Dean and Cas have a whole thing going on off screen: they watch movies together, Cas knows about Dean being an angry sleeper, Cas seems to have been aware of the Dean-cave before Sam was. It’s little things like this that are examples of the narrative gaps surrounding Dean and Cas that have cropped up over the years. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to wonder what else could be hiding there. And when did the movie nights alluded in “Tombstone” happen? Maybe in season 12 when Cas in hanging around the bunker? The same period when Dean and Cas seem to be coalescing into something safer and more stable? Something that we never see come to a head because plot happens and Cas dies? Something that is immediately taken back up once Cas is alive again?

Season 14:

Overall, this season is more of what we got during 13, but it had two high notes I wanted to single out before ending this already too long post.

14.15 Peace of Mind

Look me in the eye and tell me Dean and Cas talking in the kitchen about Jack doesn’t read like husbands talking about their child. Look me in the eye and tell me Cas just texting Dean to gossip about Sam isn’t couple-y as hell.

14.18-14.20

Ah, yes, the divorce arc. Awful. Terrible. The culmination of Dean’s problem in all this: he lashes out, he pushes Cas away, his anger is alienating. Cue all of us suffering. But while Dean is clearly in the wrong in how the deals with his feelings, let’s not pretend some of his anger doesn’t come from a long established, and unaddressed, rift between him and Cas, which had its last traumatic turn when Cas died in s12. Dean isn’t being rational here: he saw Cas doing something on his own, and he saw that his mother is dead. What else could happen? Why won’t Cas just trust they can work as a team? What if Cas died again? And why should Cas put up with Dean’s behavior without knowing the cause? How can any relationship work this way? But notice how caught in the middle Sam was during all this. Notice how Jack is running off and acting out. The whole family is falling apart. Divorce arc, indeed.

Season 15:

But what about what we’re building up in 15? That seems like it could be a getting together plot, too, right? Well, yeah. It could very well be. But I’d argue the tension we’re seeing isn’t a will-they-or-won’t-they because they already have. We’re are watching a getting back together plot! The tension is, instead, will-they-or -won’t-they use their words to talk about the baggage that has kept them from truly being confident about their relationship. That’s the crucial step in their togetherness that they’re still missing, which is also the bedrock of the divorce arc that spanned twelve fucking episodes -- y’all, that’s half a season.

And technically? We’re not even done with yet because Cas never let Dean finish his prayer/confession in purgatory. What’s more, Cas hasn’t grappled with his role in the breakdown of their relationship, either: that he keeps going off on his own and getting hurt (and getting other people hurt), and Dean has to deal with the fallout. The deep emotional understanding, the truly being on the same page is what we’re on the edge of our seats for. We’re waiting to see what else Dean had to say, and what will happen when Cas’s deal with the Empty comes to light.

Finally, could we still have this plot without Dean and Cas having gotten together off screen? Sure, but I think the stakes are higher if they already did have something between them. If they actually have an established romantic relationship going on. Something real and tangible and as of yet much too fragile.

"...you asked what about all this is real. We are."

#destiel #deancas #supernatural #spn #spn meta #this thing is gargantuan yikes #anyway enjoy? let's chat #my writing #this thing is half meta half my adhd unleashed

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 5)

I'm back on my bullshit. I decided I'd post these, once a day, four days a week. Then I'll go on breaks for the weekend to let interested readers catch up while also further writing more entries. At the time I'm posting this, for example, I'm in the process of analyzing Chapter 39. That way, it's easier for everyone to enjoy this essay. Which I hope people do.

Anyway, this can finally truly be called a ship essay, because one of our key players has FINALLY developed feelings! Going forward, Natsume's behavior will heavily feature his growing affections for Mikan. We'll be analyzing Natsume's self-preserving hesitation as well as his immediate instinct to give up any chance he has from the get-go.

Chapter Seventeen

Natsume next shows up to walk into Class B during a commotion of Mikan’s retelling of the Reo incident. The kids all gather around him now too to ask questions and press about his condition. One kid even asks if he should teach Mikan a lesson for bragging about his rescue. Mikan smiles at him, under the assumption that their shared trauma has brought them closer and maybe even made them friends, but Natsume’s response is to simply turn away and ignore her.

He’s still Natsume after all. This is the first girl he’s ever liked, and she used to be somebody he despised, so the change in feelings is probably very strange to him. He’s confused and possibly embarrassed. He doesn’t know what to say or how to act.

Can't have her getting any ideas that he's completely changed his mind about her or anything.

Most of the people that Natsume likes at the school (although that is just Ruka and Youichi… so… you know) know that he likes them. He spends time with them, is gentle with them, does things for them, and can openly say kind things to and about them. Mikan is different. He used to be her number one enemy, so all of a sudden switching gears and becoming her friend would be quite odd.

Over time, Natsume will find ways to be gentle and sweet to Mikan, but for now his crush is brand new and he doesn’t know how to act quite yet. He’d rather avoid her entirely, or pretend like nothing happened, than openly approach his new feelings.

Furthermore his behavior is always and under all circumstances inseparable from his status as Persona’s favorite and as the Black Cat. He may have some loved ones, but he keeps the number low and tries to avoid getting close to people for a reason. Naturally, nobody could ever really understand his experiences so there will always be a divide between him and the rest of his peers, but even more than that is that considering people precious turns them into targets.

Natsume has probably learned the hard way that displaying closeness and affection for his friends can have dangerous effects, so he might now think of showing that kind of affection as selfish or even cruel. Why subject somebody to something like that, merely because he has feelings for them? It’s not fair.

In either case, it’s really not that Natsume is naturally mean and cold. He just doesn’t trust his situation enough to properly act. It’s safer in every way to just pretend like nothing changed. It’s too much to deal with otherwise. But sooner rather than later, the hard thing will be staying away. Eventually, maintaining coldness with her will be almost impossible.

Chapter Eighteen

This chapter further touches on Natsume’s new-found crush and its consequences.

Class B is used to being in an environment where Natsume hates Mikan and is bothered by everything she does. He gives in to her slightly, in small ways, and it shocks his classmates. Now, it’s understandable that, even if he hadn’t developed a crush on her, he might still be softer to a girl who risked her life to save him, but it’s still odd.

Mikan recalls asking Natsume for help training her alice. She needs an offensive alice to nullify, so Iinchou or Hotaru’s would be ineffectual in training. Natsume is really the best person to ask, and, to everyone’s surprise, he actually agrees to help.

Natsume doesn't need any convincing to help her, but what did she think practicing with a fire alice would entail?

And yes it does seem like he’s only doing it to torture her, because his alice is capable of genuine bodily harm and his admirers snicker with amusement at his antics, but I can’t help but assume there’s more to it.

He doesn’t really hesitate to help. He doesn’t need convincing at all. In some ways I think he did genuinely want to help. Her alice helped save his life, after all. Why not repay the favor by using his alice to help her train? To him, there's a lot of value in her alice, so training it is beneficial in his perspective as well.

And later still, Mikan spots Natsume sitting amongst the principal students. He stands out, as an elementary student next to upperclassmen. This moment is a good introduction to the arc. His crush on Mikan only grows stronger as the festival goes on, but there’s something looming over him too--he’s different from the rest of them. He stands out so much during the festival. He’s a dangerous ability type who’s not allowed to participate while also being a principal who has to sit on the stage for the opening ceremony. That's horribly ironic, but also shows just how singled out and under the spotlight he is. It’s a huge part of why he acts the way he does, so cold and mean and distant despite his growing affections. It’s all he can do.

He may see potential for a future, but he’d be foolish to think he should be able to acquire it, because his current circumstances have not changed at all.

The chapter ends with Natsume being asked by Koko if he wants to try out the special ability class event. He’s looking towards the special ability area, and we can tell the next chapter will be fun.

Chapter Nineteen

And how!

Natsume is here to see Ruka, his best friend, but he’s also here to catch a glimpse of the girl he has a crush on.

Sumire is also there, and it’s interesting to see that Natsume hasn’t changed in his attitude around her either, even though she also helped save him. She tries to embrace him and he dodges her.

This catches some people’s attention and they start to whisper about his presence.

In the anime, this moment is a bit more potent, hearing the murmurs and seeing a darkness over the gossiping kids, but the manga still establishes that the people waiting in line are by-and-large unhappy to see him. They whisper amongst themselves, rudely asking why he’d bother to come here, but that gloom only lasts for a moment (one singular panel and then Natsume’s responding bitterness) before Mikan appears jumping over the wall, calling his name and even smiling.

It’s almost like she was waiting for him to show up, running off from her post the second she heard Natsume was there. The dark looming screentones are replaced with flowery ones, and it’s hard not to think of this as his perspective: all is gloomy and then there is Mikan. All of a sudden, after hating her for so long, he thinks of her as bright sunshine, and he must have showed up just to see her and feel nice for a change.

It's Natsume seeing Mikan through floral-filter lenses for me...

Of course, he ruins the mood. It feels almost as if he does it solely because he knows it will upset her. She was so excited to see him, and he manages to completely turn her mood from eager to angry, just the opposite of how she was able to unwittingly turn his mood from gloomy to... as close to content as he can get.

He’s okay now. He doesn’t want her getting any ideas.

Now, in my opinion, his method of bothering her could be anything and the plot would remain the same. What matters is that he wants to piss her off, and this just so happens to be the way he does it, partially because it’s intended to be funny. Mikan has to get angry at him for this chapter to progress the way it does, but his actions could have been replaced by any other irritating action and it could’ve gone the same way.

Tsubasa then appears, drawn to the sound of a loud commotion. He sees Natsume and vaguely wonders why he’s there. Everyone knows Natsume, at all grade levels, because he’s famous. For Tsubasa, whose only real knowledge of Mikan’s relationship with the kid is that he causes trouble in Class B, it would be strange to see him at the RPG.

Natsume, meanwhile, has no idea who Tsubasa is. Seeing Mikan crawl all over her senpai, seeing him easily comfort her, is something that bugs Natsume. He glares at Tsubasa, somebody whose name he doesn’t even know, and then starts leaving with Ruka.

At first, Tsubasa is confused to be treated like this, until he hugs Mikan tighter and sees both Natsume and Ruka turn in jealousy. Tsubasa gets it immediately. Thus begins a strange and tumultuous frenemy relationship between Tsubasa and Natsume, where they both begrudgingly understand each other while also irritating each other beyond belief.

Natsume is not interested in playing the game, insulting it and wondering how anyone could get hooked on it. Ultimately, it’s not even Mikan who convinces him to give it a shot; it’s Tsubasa taunting him, “then you should be able to win, no problem, right?”

Tsubasa will come to regret saying this, because the answer is yes.

The RPG is designed to be tough. Nobody has won the whole game yet. Beating one or two students is one thing, but being able to outsmart or outmaneuver the entire special ability class is a difficult feat.

Natsume agrees to play, and gets a robot cockroach as a weapon.

Tsubasa is hugging Mikan as Natsume is about to enter, and that pisses him off even more. He decides that Tsubasa will be his slave, his motive being get your hands off her. This is silly considering that just a short time ago, Natsume hated Mikan. His feelings really did a 180.

The challenges pick up in difficulty as he goes on. The first one is effortless. He doesn’t even move from where he’s standing. The mirror-alice girl just freaks out about the cockroach and sends him on his way after two seconds.

The next one is trickier, and Natsume will need to put in more effort than just standing and waiting for the cockroach to do its job. But not that much effort. He sits next to Megane, lights a fire, and waits. It’s a scorching flame, and although Megane tries to tough it out, he gives in with two seconds to spare. Natsume, a smartass, quips sarcastically that he’s sorry--he really can’t tell how hot it is. (This is not actually important or anything, it’s just interesting that Natsume is not affected by his own flames and can’t feel the heat of them. I might end up referring to this a couple times.)

With the exception of the first and last challenges, Natsume uses his alice to beat the maze; either by heating Megane up so his soul goes back into his body, or by writing with fire instead of chalk. The next challenge is the one Natsume has been waiting for and he’ll use his alice here too.

Tsubasa is shocked to find Natsume has progressed so quickly, but he proceeds with the challenge: Natsume has to touch him in thirty seconds, but it’ll be tricky ‘cause he’s held in place by his shadows. He toys with Natsume’s shadows a bit, which really pisses Natsume off. Tsubasa even apologizes nervously, even though he’s the one in control. Or he is, until Natsume uses his alice again and gets rid of the shadows.

Natsume’s anger towards Tsubasa all stems from jealousy. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging and comforting Mikan, it’s that he can. Natsume needs to distance himself from Mikan in order to keep her safe, and he’s aware of that right from the start, but there’s more to it. He’s busy establishing himself as an enemy to Mikan, doing things to bother her to make her angry with him, but nobody rushes to their bully for comfort, and Natsume knows this. It’s not just that Tsubasa was hugging Mikan; it’s that he feels like he will never get the chance.

And so the next and final challenge is where he gets to be selfish.

Mikan is aggravated to see him, obviously not thrilled that he was able to make it in such a short time. Her task is that he has to get her off the carpet in thirty seconds. He can’t hurt her or force her off the carpet, and because of their alice training together, he can’t use his alice on her either. (They’d apparently practiced so much that she was able to sharpen her skills significantly. Before, her alice was a wildcard and she struggled with using it, but now she’s able to use it with relative ease. That’s a lot of training in a short time, and I’m sure Natsume wasn’t upset at all the time they had to spend together as a result.)

Natsume must feel relief regarding Mikan's nullification alice. She's nullified his alice in pretty big ways already, one time to save his life. The girl he's crushing on is capable of turning off the thing that decreases his lifespan. She really is a breath of fresh air, in more ways than one, and his appreciation for her alice, even if he doesn't voice it, will only grow. This is important, but I'll talk way more about this in the other POV.

He tries the cockroach, but she’s a country girl and unaffected.

Natsume is genuinely stumped by her challenge, admitting to himself that it’s a tough one. He then comes up with a risky idea, no doubt influenced by her rescue of him when they were kidnapped by Reo. He plays sick. This act only works if Mikan falls for it and is concerned enough to jump off the carpet, but he’s a good actor on account of all the sick experience he has and she does fall for it in no time. Her being concerned was a given.

She jumps off, meaning he’s won the game, but that’s not enough of a victory for him. He acts sick until she’s closer, so he can grab her and put his arm around her. Yes, he calls her an idiot, but this is the closest he can get to a hug… for now. It doesn’t matter that she’s annoyed and dismayed that he won. All he cares about is that he got to touch her.

She jumped down. He won already, but it's not enough! (Also sorry about two pictures. If it ruins the format, oh well.)

Natsume was jealous that Tsubasa got to do something he thinks he'll never be able to, and so he got a taste of what he wanted some other, convoluted way. He gets angry that Tsubasa is so touchy, but that's only because he wishes he could be touchy too. Natsume will get bolder and bolder with his physical affection, because he will want more and more to show it. When he starts being honest about this affection, she will be more eager to return it.

Natsume is the first winner, and Tsubasa admits it was never expected for somebody to be able to pass all the challenges. Part of the appeal is that it’s an unbeatable game, but Natsume’s feelings of jealousy and spite were enough to get him over the finish line. Though perhaps knowing it's beatable but only one person could is also appealing. It's possible to pass, but very rare for somebody to be able to, so they can draw in crowds by capitalizing on kids who want to the next person to beat the game.

He gets to choose a lamp, but he has no idea which one is whose. He cheats by asking Koko to tell him which one is the right one, but he ends up picking Mikan’s, because Koko assumed that’s the one he wanted. After all--Natsume was thinking about her. Natsume is lucky that Mikan was too anguished at being a slave to care about Natsume thinking about her, but it’s interesting to know that even when he’s supposed to be angry at Tsubasa, he was only thinking of Mikan.

Chapter Twenty

This chapter’s premise is pretty simple and light: Natsume can’t think of any use for Mikan other than to follow him and Ruka around the festival and carry their stuff. They navigate the technical ability class area and even encounter Hotaru, though only for a short time because she’s quite busy.

Most importantly, their time in the technical area makes Mikan insecure. Everyone in the tech class seems to know what they want to do with their lives, with their alices being perfect for research or creation. I’ll go into more detail with this during Mikan’s essay, but it’s important to note that Mikan asks the people around her if they’re prepared for their future only to see that they all are. Hotaru, Sumire, and even Ruka all have dreams for the future, even if Ruka won’t share his. Natsume has decided to leave the conversation and we don’t hear what his dream is, which makes sense because he doesn’t have one. Natsume doesn’t think he’ll live long enough to graduate, so why even bother wasting his own time and getting his hopes up for something unattainable?

It’s then revealed that Ruka is also a triple, and Mikan can’t tell, but the mood has been soured for Ruka. His triple-star status is a touchy subject that he’s unhappy with. His star rank is representative of Natsume’s suffering and he doesn’t like talking about it. He only says that he didn’t mention it because he didn’t get it on his own talent or effort before Natsume forces Mikan to walk in another direction, claiming to be hungry.

This is literally just a scan of the TokyoPop version, which is better than the other version I see floating around.

He can tell Ruka is uncomfortable and is ready to step in so that his friend can feel better.

As a result, they end up at the cafe where Anna is working (after all, Mikan has been perfecting her puppy-dog eyes routine and I think both Ruka and Natsume are affected, even if the latter would never admit it).

Natsume takes the first bite of Anna’s hell pie, just to see a rot demon (or whatever that thing is) taunt him about the trouble his stomach will be in soon. He really doesn’t have a choice but to throw the tea over the pie. Ruka is grateful, but Mikan is outraged at how rude Natsume is acting, and even angrier when Natsume explains that the pie was horrible. She demands he apologize but Natsume simply walks away, content to be the bad guy because he saved his friends from getting food poisoning while also sparing Anna’s feelings and reputation at her cafe.

"Your stomach will writhe" is such a potent threat. I feel sick just looking at that demon/scoundrel/rot thing.

This scene has more substance than in the anime. In the episode, Natsume sees the rotten scoundrel (or WHATEVER IT IS) before he can take a bite. He tosses the tea for all their sakes and ultimately nobody is hurt. But here, in the manga, Natsume has already taken a bite. We see the missing part of the pie, the residue on the fork. Natsume is already screwed. He's going to have food poisoning from Anna's pie, and he still puts her feelings before his own. He'd rather say that the pie is terrible according to his own tastes than to let everyone around know that she made such a health-risking mistake. He drenches the pie so that Mikan and Ruka don't get food poisoning, even if it's too late for him. Natsume leaves, knowing he will look like an asshole, AND with stomach problems on top of that, but at least he's the only one who will be seriously hurt.

This is a pretty insignificant example of a trait that we have seen before with Natsume but haven't really fully explored. It's going to play a major role for the rest of the manga, because Natsume has something of a martyr complex, where he is quick to sacrifice himself because he sees little to no value in his own happiness. This is a small example, and I'm not saying it's not kind of him, but there are consequences with his line of thinking. He's fine with looking like an asshole to protect people, or giving up things he wants so someone else can have it, or blowing himself up so two girls can escape safely. Whenever there's a chance to sacrifice himself, Natsume will take it every single time.

This may seem noble or romantic or admirable but it's not healthy at all. The way he was raised (no shade to Papa Hyuuga and Kaoru but also.... tentatively side-eyeing them for putting so much responsibility on him) and the way he is now tortured by the school has put him in a position where his self esteem is horribly low. This complex of his results in suicidal tendencies, even after he falls in love with Mikan (and even exacerbated by that love). For Natsume, love is sacrifice. He simply cannot love without feeling like he has to give something up. Ideally, he would grow out of this and maybe start seriously choosing himself sometimes. It's not evil to want yourself to be happy and to choose your own well-being, even if it occasionally makes others sad or upset.

In the context of the actual story though, we have yet another glimpse of a complex that will cause a LOT of trouble down the road for Natsume and Mikan.

Conclusion

Natsume has new feelings for Mikan and is having trouble navigating them. They will cause even more trouble in the next essay. We also touched more on Natsume's self-sacrificing tendencies and how devastating they will turn out to be. These tendencies will be consistent and persistent throughout the manga in regards to NatsuMikan's relationship, and cause more problems. These problems will pop up a bit in the next part, so stay tuned!

Also, small note: I call him Ruka and not Luca because I got used to it after watching the anime and through scans and fanfics. I heard his name pronounced that way and at first thought it was a Japanese name so I simply copied the pronunciation. When I found out it was supposed to be Luca, I'd already been using Ruka for a while. I don't really want to switch to using Luca most of the time because I know people in real life named Luca/Luka and I talk enough about GA on the daily where it might feel strange to me. I use Luca sometimes when I'm talking to others who prefer it, but Ruka is what I'm used to. I hope this isn't frustrating, but understand that I pronounce Killua's name (from HxH) like "Ki-ru-a" as well and in my head "Gakuen Alice" is pronounced "Gakuen Arisu" because I pronounce things based on what I hear when watching the anime ;-; These are things I have no real desire to change because they sound right to me. I'm sorry. (Nobody has said anything or complained, and this is not a vague or anything like that! I just wanted to say that I know it's supposed to be Luca and it's not my intention to be disrespectful when I pronounce/spell it Ruka. I am fucking crazy, but I am free.)

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #because of how jam-packed the alice festival is with nm content this might take two more parts to complete #stay patient with me please i am trying my best ;-;#i couldnt go into the haunted house knowing id only have two pics to work with. it would kill me.#theres just too much #the ten image limit is genuinely such an obstacle so if u wish there was more then blame tumblr and maybe theyll raise the limit to fifteen #they wont. tumblr is a disgusting landfill of a website.#edit for song: stupid by brendan maclean #theres some jealousy and tsundere behavior. love that for early love natsume

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mldrgrl · 4 years

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Broken Things 1/24

by: mldrgrl Rating: varies by chapter, rated R overall Summary: The year is 1886, William Mulder owns a horse ranch in northern Texas. The widow of a neighboring landowner has something he wants. Notes: Please be aware that this fic will contain ‘off-camera’ references to violence and abuse of various kinds. I will not be tagging individual TWs on the chapters.

Prologue

Many years from now, when he tells the tales of his younger days, he will claim that this is the day that changed his life forever. If that horse hadn’t thrown a shoe, well then. His wife will roll her eyes at this, tell him that any number of events prior to that day had already changed his life forever. The decision to leave Massachusetts for the open prairie, for example, had changed his life forever. The fact that his father had sent him to live with his aunt in the countryside instead of keeping him in the city had changed his life forever. The pony he received for his birthday when he was a child had clearly changed his life forever.

All of that will hindsight one day. Right now, it’s just an ordinary Thursday, the 9th of September, 1886. The weather is mild, almost cool compared to the heat wave that had hit in the latter half of August. And William Mulder’s horse has thrown a shoe.

Chapter 1

Normally, Mulder (only his family ever called him William) sends his ranch hand, Melvin, to take care of small errands and menial tasks, but he hasn’t been to town in almost a month and he could use a change of pace. He hitches one of his more reliable horses to his wagon and takes one of the ones in training as well, one he’s just broken in, to see how he handles on the hour-long ride. Their first stop is Gray’s Blacksmith.

After tying the horses to the post, Mulder gives them both a good scratching about the neck for a job well done and receives a snort and whinny of appreciation. “Well done, boys,” he says. “Carrots and apples at home for both of you if you keep up the good work.”

The familiar sound of clanking and hammering and the crackle of fire greets Mulder as he steps into the open door of the blacksmith’s. He tips his hat to the striker, who nods a greeting. The blacksmith turns and nods as well.

“Mr. Gray,” Mulder says.

“Mr. Mulder,” the blacksmith answers, passing his tongs to his assistant and then removing his gloves to shake hands. “What can I do for ya?”

“Faithful Jenny’s thrown a shoe. Melvin’s fixing her up, but I figured it was a good time to pick up a crate of nails and shoes.”

“Come on back and take a look then. How’s business?”

“Doing well. We’re training up a half dozen draft horses for the postal service right now.”

“Is the rumor you pulled in a mustang a few weeks ago true?”

“Afraid so.”

“You ain’t got a broken neck far as I can tell, so you must be faring alright with him then.”

“You can see him for yourself when I take this cart out to the wagon.”

“You brung him with ya?”

“I did.”

“I’ll be.”

Mulder feels a surge of pride when the blacksmith comes out to admire the horse. He slides the crate of shoes and nails into the back of the wagon and then shows off his friendship with the four-legged beast by rubbing his belly. The horse scratches the ground with his front hoof and shakes his head.

“You sure got a way, Mr. Mulder,” Mr. Gray says. “If you got any stock you’re looking to sell I heard there’s a new homesteader a ways south that was interested.”

“I’m on my way to the mercantile. I’ll be sure to ask John.”

The two men shake hands once again before Mulder gets back in his wagon. He smiles to himself when the blacksmith watches him leave. He’s made a name for himself in the short while he’s been here breaking and training up horses. Folks in the area have said time and again that there isn’t a horse he can’t tame, that it’s almost downright spooky the way he seems to be able to talk to them.

There’s a man being waited on in the mercantile that Mulder doesn’t recognize, probably someone just passing through. He waits for John Byers to finish with the customer, browsing the Montgomery Ward & Co. catalog at the end of the counter.

“Mulder,” John says after ringing the man up at the till. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too, John.” He pulls a shopping list from his pocket and unfolds it. “I’m sure you’re better at translating Melvin’s chicken scratches than me at this point.”

“I believe I can manage.” John chuckles and takes the shopping list. He pulls a crate down and begins to collect items off the shelves and William goes back to the catalogue, thumbing past the illustrations of ladies’ garments to find menswear.

“If I put in an order for denim trousers for me and the boys you think they’ll be in by winter?”

“I’d say it’s likely.”

“Mr. Gray mentioned there were some new homesteaders interested in horses.”

“He must mean Mr. Campbell. It’s oxen he’s after, I believe.”

“If you hear otherwise, send him my way.”

“I’ll do that. I suppose you heard about your neighbor?”

“What neighbor is that?”

“Jack Willis.”

“Haven’t heard a thing. What about him?”

“He spent all of Saturday night at the saloon in a poker game and was found dead in a ditch just outside of town on Sunday morning.”

“Robbed?”

“I should actually say he spent all Saturday night losing in a poker game and downing whiskey like water. I heard he stumbled his way into that ditch of his own accord and met an untimely demise.”

“I only met him the once, but that doesn’t surprise me much. Far be it for me to speak ill of the dead, but the man had a disagreeable disposition. He seemed like the type to get himself into trouble.”

“Well, the bank is soon to be after his widow. I’ve heard he’s in arrears. I’m actually surprised the Sheriff didn’t stop on at your place on his way out there to tell her about her husband’s death.”

“Didn’t know he had a widow. And you know Sheriff Doggett, he’s all business.”

“My Susannah saw them together, he and his wife, the day they passed through looking for land, and you know Susannah, she was beside herself at the notion of another woman come to town, but then no one’s seen hide nor hair of her since.”

“I still regret having been back east when Old Man Goodwin passed. I’ve had my eye on that land for quite some time.”

“Maybe she’ll sell it to you.”

Mulder rubs at his chin in thought. “You say the bank is about to repossess?”

“That’s the rumor. I don’t think Mr. Skinner would relish evicting a new widow, but there probably isn’t much he can do if the mortgage is late.”

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt to take a ride out to pay my respects and assess the situation. Thank you, John.”

Byers nods and gestures to the items laid out on the counter. “I’ll have John Jr. load the cart for you. Would you like this on your account?”

“I’ll square up everything now, but go ahead and order those trousers.”

The hour ride back home gives Mulder time to think. He’s in a position to offer the Willis widow a handsome sum for his neighboring acres. The one and only time he’d met Jack Willis he was immediately soured on trying to form any kind of friendship with him. The man had been downright surly and abrasive and he sure hopes the widow is more neighborly.

Melvin takes over the wagon when Mulder arrives home and shows him the new shoe on Faithful Jenny. The older man is at least a foot closer to the ground than Mulder and proudly displays a life-long love of hearty biscuits around his middle, but there’s no better right-hand man that Mulder could ask for. He’s foreman and farrier, counselor and cook. There isn’t anything Mulder doesn’t trust him with. As they unload the wagon together, he tells him about what he heard from John Byers.

“Well, there’s no harm in asking,” Melvin offers as advice. “If’n the bank really is after her, she might be grateful for the offer. You should probably get out there as soon as possible in case anyone else might be sniffin’ around for them acres.”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“You know if’n I’d heard about Bob Goodwin any sooner I’d have snatched up them acres for you before I could even send a wire.”

“I know, it’s not your fault. Do me a favor, old man, tack up Blondie while I try to make myself presentable.”

“That could take hours. Days even.”

“Decades, in your case. If it’s even possible.”

The two men laugh over their gentle ribbing of each other and Mulder claps Melvin on the shoulder. He parts from his friend to go wash his face, comb his hair, and put on a fresh shirt. His horse is saddled and ready to go when he comes back out.

“Good luck,” Melvin tells him.

A narrow, slow-moving creek divides Mulder’s property from the Willis widow’s land. It’s one he’s crossed many times when Old Man Goodwin was his neighbor. He knows where the shallowest spot is to lead the horse and where the shrubs are too thick and have to be avoided. He tries not to daydream about what he’ll do with an expansion, but he passes the spot he’d like to clear out for a better corral and where he’d like to add another stable and it’s hard not to hope.

The old sod house that Old Man Goodwin had slapped together is still standing, though it looks to have seen better days. The roof needs patching and the walls are crumbling in spots. He dismounts Blondie when he’s still a few yards away and leads the horse over to the post he knows is at the side of the house. The nearby trough which is usually full of water is empty. The chickens that were usually clucking and underfoot are nowhere to be seen.

Mulder knocks lightly on the clapboard door and moments later a woman with the reddest hair and the bluest eyes he’s ever seen answers.

↭

Katherine is expecting the knock when it comes, though it’s sooner than she thought it would be. In the days since her husband’s death, she’s racked her brain for a solution to her current predicament, but has come up empty handed. She doesn’t delay in answering the door. She may be on the verge of being destitute and homeless, but she’ll face it with dignity.

“Uh, Mrs. Willis, I presume?” the man asks. He stammers a bit but he has an easy, congenial smile that catches her a little off guard. She’d been expecting the Sheriff she’d met on Sunday, but perhaps the bank manager in this town takes care of evictions.

“Mr. Skinner, I presume?” she finally replies.

The man chuckles and removes his hat. “Ah, no Ma’am,” he says, running his hand through his hair. “I’m afraid I have a bit more hair than our dear Mr. bank manager.”

“Oh.” She should have known. The bank managers she’s had dealings with in the past were stuffy and pinched. This man is far too rugged and handsome to be a bank manager.

“William Mulder.” He holds out his hand to her and when she gives him hers, he bows slightly and brings it to his mouth, brushing his lips lightly across her knuckles. Embarrassed, she pulls her hand back and closes it into a fist to hide her dirty and calloused palms from him.

“Is there something I can help you with?” she asks.

“I know we haven’t met before, but I happen to be your neighbor just to the south. I heard about your husband and I’ve come to pay my respects.”

“I see. Would you...care to come in, then?”

“Thank you.”

He has to bend to step through the low-frame of the door. She has no candles, but there’s enough light from the open door and the unpatched holes in the walls that it’s unnecessary. She watches him look the place over and she can tell he’s not impressed by the shabbiness of it all.

“I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer you,” she says.

He smiles politely. “That’s alright, Ma’am. I came to be neighborly, but there is also a matter I wanted to discuss regarding this land.”

“Oh?” Fear grips her suddenly. He may not be the bank man, and he may not be the sheriff, but he could be another kind of lawman. Even if he was telling the truth that he was her neighbor, he could still be there to turn her out, or worse yet, remove her to debtor’s prison. Unconsciously, she begins to tremble.

“Mrs. Willis?” he asks. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she answers, pulling the tattered shawl draped over her shoulders a little tighter across her chest. “A chill is all.”

He looks around again. “You’ve no chair to sit on?”

“No.”

“Would you like to come back outside? Perhaps it will be warmer. You could sit on my horse.”

The absurdity of the offer makes her laugh and eases her anxiety somewhat. He bites his lower lip almost shyly and tips his chin down as he turns the hat over in his hands again. She stares at his mouth, thinking about how the slight overbite he has seems to suit him well. She notes other things too, in the silence. Like how his beard is well-trimmed and his nails are clean. He presents himself as a cowboy, but she knows a city man when she sees one.

“Um, Mrs. Willis, I…”

She flinches at the name. “Katherine,” she says.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’d prefer you call me Katherine.”

He cocks his head a little to the side and smiles. “Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom,” he murmurs.

She can’t help but lift her right eyebrow. It used to irritate her husband immensely when she pulled faces, as he called it. “Rather Kate the Curst,” she replies.

His eyes widen and seem to brighten. “You know Shakespeare?”

“You look surprised.”

“No, no, it’s just...I haven’t had much opportunity to discuss the Bard out here. Apologies for the Taming of the Shrew reference, but whenever I come across a Katherine, I can’t help but make the association. Especially when it’s not altogether untrue.”

She feels the heat rise to her cheeks with the compliment that she knows is entirely unwarranted. She was never very pretty. Her mother used to complain about how wild and curly her hair was when she was a child, not to mention the dreadful freckles across her nose and cheeks. It may have been quite some time since she’s been in the presence of a looking glass, but she doesn’t need one to know that her appearance is lacking.

“I suppose I could have just as easily been a Viola or an Ophelia,” she says, avoiding his flattery.

“Hopefully not a Lady MacBeth.”

“No.” The conversation stalls momentarily, but then she wets her lips and tightens her shawl again. “You said there was something you came to speak with me about?”

“I was away on some business when Old Man...ah, that is, when Mr. Goodwin, the previous owner of your land, passed on. I’d been eyeing this parcel for some time and had been planning to offer Mr. Goodwin a sum to sell it to me. I’d like to make you that same offer.”

“Ah.” She closes her eyes and chuckles mirthlessly for a brief moment. “I’m afraid I can’t take that offer.”

“Have you sold to someone else?”

“No, but I’m not in a position to sell. My husband leased this land and I have every reason to doubt he ever made good on the rent. He drank most of the money and gambled what was left of that.”

“I see.”

“I’m just biding my time now until the bank comes to collect and turn me out.”

“Do you have people back...wherever it is that you're from?”

“Virginia.”

“It’s not but a few days ride to Fort Worth, I could send a wire to someone for you.”

“You would do that?”

“Of course.”

“No.” She shakes her head slowly and sighs. “There’s no one back home, but thank you.”

He shifts his feet and tries to speak, but he says nothing. He looks dumbfounded in a way that almost makes her feel sorry for him.

“Was that all?” she asks.

“Ma’am,” he stammers. “Mrs. Willis...Katherine...I can’t...I can’t…”

She doesn’t know what compels her to do it, but she reaches out and puts her hand over his where it grips the brim of his hat. He falls silent and stops his fidgeting. She squeezes his hand lightly and lets her fingers rest against his wrist for a few moments before she takes it away.

“Since you seem familiar with the bank man,” she says. “I’m sure you’ll get your wish soon enough.”

“But…”

“Good day to you, Mr. Mulder. Thank you for coming.”

#i wrote this #broken things #chapter 1 #AU #MSR

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whywishesarehorses · 3 years

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Limitless - 2021 Pacific Crest Trail Ride Through

3 days ago, on April 7th, Jess Goodlett started the ride of her dreams - a 2,650 mile ride of the entirety of the Pacific Crest Trail, border to border. She is attempting this ride alone, with two BLM mustangs she has trained herself. Jess is part of the Limitless team, a group of women going on various adventures to prove that the things women can accomplish in pursuit of their dreams are Limitless. This ride is fantastic, and Jess is still sourcing financial support. She has venmo, PayPal, and merch set up if you are interested in helping out!

This is similar in spirit to the idea of Unbranded, and Jess has been in contact with some of that team for advice.

Below I've shared a blog post she wrote discussing the trip and her plans! Under a readmore because it's LONG.

Time to Make this Official.

Yes, the ride is on.

I am planning a thru-ride on the Pacific Crest Trail for 2021.

My name is Jess Goodlett. I am 25 years old, and I have been a part of Limitless since the beginning.

📷Photo of the Limitless group from 2017

People seem to say that I am pretty outgoing and adventurous. When I set my mind on a goal, I definitely become very determined to make it happen. Most of my family and friends were not too surprised when I dropped the news that I was going to continue the plan to attempt a thru-ride on the Pacific Crest Trail. This trail has been on my mind for years, and it was actually how Limitless got its start.

My trail name is Raindance (this is how I got my trail name), and these are my BLM Mustangs, Makani (10-year-old bay roan mare) and Malana (7-year-old chestnut mare).

Also, here is little Zendaya. She is too young to join in on the fun next year, but maybe she will get the chance to tag along in the near future.

📷Zendaya (Daya for short) is my youngest mustang. I hope that she will be able to join in our an adventure in a few years. She is only 3 right now, so she still has some growing to do.

Here [is a photo] of me from a few years back, when I was able to set foot on a small section of the Pacific Crest Trail. This is the moment that sparked up the passion for the trail again after dealing with nostalgia from the group’s ride on the Colorado Trail in 2017.

I had convinced my dad and uncle to drive a rental car up some narrow mountain roads just to be able to set foot on part of the Pacific Crest Trail near Big Bear Lake. It felt magical getting the chance to hike a very small section of the trail. It was like getting a small taste of a big dream. My time on the trail may have only lasted 30 minutes, but it made me realize that I was still very passionate about this trail even after my experience on the Colorado Trail.

📷Repping Limitless while dreaming of a thru-ride on the Pacific Crest Trail.

Making Plans

The plans have gone back and forth a few times, but the goal is to set out on trail in the Spring of 2021. For me, there are a lot of emotions tied in with this thu-ride. I am sure there will be a lot of time for reflection on the days leading up to the trail, including each and every day spent out there with my horses.

This is a big trek. Every time I look at the maps, I feel excited. Maybe a little nervous. But I am focused on what is ahead. The days are flying by fast, and I know the day that I head out to California will be here sooner than I can even imagine. A lot of my time right now is being spent with the horses, and any additional free time goes toward researching the trail.

Let’s talk about the trail.

📷Hike at Kendall Katwalk (part of the PCT) near Seattle, Washington near Snowqualmie Pass

What is the Pacific Crest Trail?

📷Map of the Pacific Crest Trail

The Pacific Crest Trail is a border to border trail that starts at the Mexican border and travels through California, Oregon, and Washington to the Canadian border. The trail is 2,650 miles long, and it is open to both hikers and equestrians.

There are only a handful of completed equestrian thru-rides that are documented. I am sure there are a few more that have gone unmentioned online, but to be honest, it is much more likely for people to plan a thru-hike along the Pacific Crest Trail. Us thru-riders are very few.

For those who may not know, a thru-hike or thru-ride is a long distance trail that is completed in one go (typically one season) – from one end of the trail to other end. This differs from section hiking where one may just complete small sections of the trail instead of the entire length. Though, what a thru-hike or thru-ride is for one person may differ slightly for another. Sometimes trail conditions during a certain year results in hikers or riders having to alter the original path on the trail to detour things like a fire or trail closure. But this does not take away from the fact that the trail was completed if they reach the end. As they say, hike your own hike, or in this situation – ride your own ride.

On the note of section hiking and riding, the Pacific Crest Trail is also a very popular option for those looking to just complete certain sections. According to the Pacific Crest Trail Association (PCTA), there are a total of 29 sections: 18 sections in California, 6 sections in Oregon, and 5 in Washington.

Elevation ranges greatly throughout the entire trail, along with a vast variety of terrain. The Pacific Crest Trail travels over many mountain passes and through many wilderness areas, national forests and parks.

More information can be found on the PCTA official website.

The Difficulties of Planning a Thru-Ride

Taking on a thru ride comes with a lot of its own types of challenges that hikers will not have to face. Adding in one or two horses on trail adds its own difficulty especially when it comes to the logistics.

As I am researching the trail, I am trying to answer questions such as: How are the water sources in this section? Where can I camp? Are there any grazing restrictions? Any trail concerns?

How will I resupply? Where are some places I may be able to pull the horses off trail to rest them? Who will be my emergency contacts? And the list goes on.

I cannot really plan too far ahead with any set plans, but one of my biggest obstacles will be the snow. Trail conditions can change daily, and I have no idea how the winter is going to look at this moment. Because of the length of the trail, some decisions will not be made until I am on trail. I expect many unplanned things to happen. That is just the way it is, and that is why the focus right now is to study and learn the trail as much as I can.

📷Photo of Makani from our 2017 ride on the Colorado Trail.

Why the Pacific Crest Trail?

It was 2013 when I first heard about the Pacific Crest Trail. I was actually scrolling through Facebook when I came across a post in an equestrian Facebook group where a few people were talking about long distance trails. The main topic was riding horses from coast to coast ,but then the Pacific Crest Trail was brought up in the discussion. It was the first time I had heard of an established border to border trail. I was very interested and after a few quick searches online, I quickly became obsessed with this trail and the idea of completing a border to border trail horseback.

Though, I knew I was not ready at that time to take on such a big adventure. I kept the idea stored away in my mind. It would sneak back into my thoughts every so often. When it did, I would spend hours researching this trail and looking for any information I could find for equestrians. I told myself that one day… one day, I would ride the Pacific Crest Trail.

It wasn’t until 2015, when I decided to reach out to some people about the trail. I talked with Gillian Larson, who had completed the trail horseback in 2014. She has been a big inspiration to me and to many others. Over the years, she has now completed the Pacific Crest Trail two times horseback. She has also completed the 800 mile Arizona Trail, the 500 mile Colorado Trail, and the 3,100 mile Continental Divide Trail, which is another border to border trail. (Seriously, check out her Instagram. Her photos and videos of the trails are absolutely breathtaking!)

I also spoke with Ben Masters of Unbranded who encouraged me to get out and “just do it.”

This is when I started to think about friends who may be interested in riding with me. Initially, I reached out to Devan Horn about riding a border to border trail. Devan was the first person I ever thought of to even contact about a thru-ride. She is adventurous and possibly the only person I knew at the time who would have been up for such a challenge. I mentioned to her that I was interested specifically in riding the Pacific Crest Trail. We talked briefly about a long distance trek, and we told each other that we would keep in touch.

A few months passed, when Ragan Kelly reached out to me about a long distance trail. She had spoken with Devan who had mentioned my name to her. Ragan knew a few more people interested in a thru-ride, and that is how Limitless began.

Now, the Pacific Crest Trail is a much longer trail than what my friends and I rode in 2017 with the Colorado Trail. But as I mentioned, the Limitless team originally started with the goal of riding a border to border trail together.

Our exact plans were to ride a shorter trail, the Colorado Trail, in 2017. Then, we wanted to ride a border to border trail, the Pacific Crest Trail, in 2020. But since the start of Limitless in 2015, a lot of things have changed.

When we completed the Colorado Trail, we could all agree it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Out of the group, I was honestly one who did not see myself fully committing to another thru-ride anytime soon. My end of the ride on the Colorado Trail was not what I wanted. Also, what they do not warn you much about long distance trails is that life continues on in the “real world.”

Life. Work. School. Other hobbies and interests. New goals and new opportunities.

There was nothing negative that happened within the team. We are all really good friends and forever will be. I love each and every one of them wholeheartedly. Though, we do not get the chance to see each other often, we will forever hold onto the memories that we created together on the Colorado Trail.

So wait… you are doing this trek solo?

Yes, that is correct. Solo. I am riding the trail alone with my two horses.

I will be honest. This was never my plan. Originally, I was unsure of a solo trek. I did not want to ride this trail alone.

When plans for a 2021 trek started, this thru-ride was going to be made for two riders. But plans changed yet again, and I had to make a decision to either hold off riding the trail or to just go after my dreams.

I know the pros and cons of going by myself, and I know the pros and cons with riding with others. I have heard the recommendations. I have heard the concerns. And with that said, I will continue on with planning this trek solo. This will allow me to put all of my focus on my horses’ needs to get them safely through the trail.

Though, I do hope to have a few friends join in here and there for sections.

How long will this trail take?

This trail will approximately take five to six months to complete. The horses and I will average 20-25 miles per day. I am also factoring in plenty of rest days for the horses. We are starting early enough to get through the hotter, dryer Southern California sections, but we will very likely have to skip around and circle back to some parts of the trail because of snow. In order to complete the full trail in one season, we need to be done sometime in September before the snow starts back up in Washington.

So What is Next?

I have a little over half a year left to get ready for this trek. I am looking forward to sharing our progress leading up to the trail and sharing the adventures that are to come.

#poc equestrian #limitless #pacific crest trail #pct #blm mustang #mustang horse #endurance riding #trail riding #equestrian #horse #hiking #jess goodlett

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daesungindistress · 4 years

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The five hands pic was posted alongside a pic of his screen, noting the time on New Year’s. Maybe he was trying to mark a new beginning since it is a new year. But then, he's always been difficult to read.

Mark a new beginning by bringing back something old? You might be onto something ;) I’ll explain below.

Alright y’all, I’m back, and with a new take on his post. One that, though I had a half-formed idea about it the day he posted, New Year’s Eve my timezone, I didn’t have the peace of mind or mental clarity to make sense of it at the time, there in the thick of so much unexpected emotion, yours and mine.

While I’m undecided about how much stock I want to place in this, preferring to take a guarded approach to Jiyong and his characteristically cryptic Instagram posts from now on, I think it's worth considering. The few fans I’ve shared it with privately have agreed that it “sounds a lot like Ji.” Disclaimer: this is not an excuse for the disturbance he caused or the pain he inflicted, whether he meant to or not, whether he’s out of touch with fans or just doesn’t care. Think of this more as a genuine, good faith effort to understand what could be going through his head. Because, no, putting aside my initial impression heavily colored by the years (literally years!) of negative experiences here, I can’t agree with the shit stains of this fandom and their misplaced gloating. Jiyong did not “say BIGBANG is 5.” But he did say something. And I think his message without words deserves a closer look.

So here we go:

Quite a few VIPs are taking his post as a comeback teaser for a GD solo followed by BIGBANG. And while that may be the case, I wouldn’t be surprised if it... are you ready for it... had little to with G-Dragon or BIGBANG at all. Those two images side-by-side may have been a generic call for unity and cooperation for the world at large as we leave behind a year defined by distance and division.

First of all, it was his first post of 2021. The time stamp on his screen read 1:11 1/1/2021... really driving home the number 1. Unity, obviously.

In the background the painting Millionaire Nurse by Richard Prince is projected over him. He is wearing what appears to be a surgical mask, an instantly recognizable symbol of the sickness that dominated the year 2020, and a piece of protective equipment we carry with us into 2021 because, with cases still surging and restrictions tightening, the fight isn’t over. What’s more, of all the pics in this photoshoot, I noticed he chose one in which the word NURSE is highly visible in bright lettering across the front of his mask. A much-needed message of hope and healing for a world driven into quarantine by COVID-19. He hopes 2021 will be the year we’ll finally conquer this contagion that keeps us apart.

Still with me? Here’s where things get interesting:

In a recent interview promoting his Nike Paranoise 2.0 shoes Jiyong was asked about his one wish for 2021. “What is the 2021 'YOUTOPIA' you are hoping for?”

“I hope the world becomes healthier,” Jiyong answered. “I think that’s what everyone wants right now.”

Health and healing for the world. No mention of music, solo or otherwise. His mind is on the state of the world, not the state of BIGBANG. And he assumes everyone is on the same page.

But wait! There’s more:

That photo of interconnected hands was first posted to his IG back in 2016 but resurfaced recently in October 2020 when someone (presumably one of his or TOP's art friends, I’m not sure who this guy is) reposted it as a visual accompaniment to a rambling criticism of a country more fractured than ever before by politics and policy as its people grapple with this novel coronavirus. Jiyong came across it with his personal account and slapped a heart on it, liking it very much.

Thinking about it, trying to get a sense of where his mind may have been back then, this was roughly around the time his Paranoise shoes were being prepped for release, about which he explained, “Our footsteps are the result of our decisions. I believe you can completely change the meaning behind these sneakers depending on how you wear them.”

“Change the meaning,” he says. That isn’t limited to footwear, you know; depending on how it’s presented, it is also possible to change the meaning behind a photo. And that may be what Jiyong has just done. It's not about BIGBANG anymore, it's about something bigger than BIGBANG.

That IG post by Matt Carey Williams may well have been the first time Jiyong viewed that iconic photo from his past in a new light, through someone else's eyes, being applied broadly to something outside of BIGBANG. Perhaps he saved it and has been holding onto it in the months since, waiting for the right time to use it to make a similar statement of his own about the godawful year we’ve just left in the rearview mirror. One that will be remembered by (to name just a few) rigorous hand washing, religious mask wearing, and to the detriment of mental health worldwide (in an effort to preserve physical health)... widespread social distancing.

Like everyone, Jiyong is tired of the distance, done with the divide, fed-up with closed borders and stay-at-home orders. Fatigued by this seemingly endless cycle of self- and state-imposed separation. Family, friends, and fans advised (and in some cases required) to steer clear of each other? So this picture, this bold reminder in black and white of skin-to-skin contact, hands joined with other hands, connecting person to person... that is the return to normalcy Jiyong would like to see in the near future.

In another ask, anon observed, “It's entirely possible [Jiyong] just doesn't think Seungri has a right to infringe on his own memories or sense of ownership of BIGBANG.”

I thought that was insightful. And important to keep in mind going forward. Because unless they plan to ignore everything from their past and run from it forever (an impossible feat), sooner or later Jiyong, Youngbae, Seunghyun, and Daesung will have to take steps to take back BIGBANG. Take back their brand, their music, their art. Their memories together and their past work shouldn’t stay trapped with and tainted by their former member for the rest of their days.

This doesn’t have to be Jiyong signaling a return to the past, or even asking that we remember it; instead, I see it as him reclaiming it. Owning it in ways that are, well, his own, even if that means going about it with ambiguity. Infusing old things with new meaning in a new year ripe with the potential for new beginnings.

#and okay maybe it's a little bit about bb after all #2021 will be the year bb reunites... with vip #that fifth hand? it's ours now #😉#bigbang will be back as 4 and we'll be here to support them as such #and as always sr/ot5 fans can fuck right off 🖕#gd #ask #anon #also osen published a positive article about gd's new year's post and yg shared it to their website yg-life #yg who we can be quite sure will never acknowledge you-know-who's existence again #so I think it's safe to say koreans are not taking it as a sign of support for sr #maybe it's a cultural thing #and if kvips don't think it's cause for concern then I suppose I won't either... I'll try to be a bit more fair-minded from now on #also I wrote this like 4 days ago sorry it took so long to clean up and hit post

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rebsrams · 4 years

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The Enneagram Series - One (Ethan x F!MC)

Book: Open Heart (OHSY)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Rebecca Valentine)

Warnings: angsttttt

Summary: Ethan’s back from the Amazon. MC can’t really come to terms with his decision to cut her off. Based on Atlas: Enneagram from Sleeping at Last.

Word count: 1,249

Author’s notes: I kinda re-imagined part of the beginning of OHSY, actually. It sounded very strange to me that MC would just try to get him back no matter what after he left her like a total coward, escaping his feelings. I just thought that she would have reacted, in some way. And being my MC extremely hot headed, that’s the way it turned out!

Song: One - Sleeping at Last

“Why do you always have to be so goddamn patronizing, Ethan?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because you keep fucking up every damn thing that you lay your hands on!”

There they were, roaring at each other again.

The week they had experienced was quite rough, aiming at each other’s throat on every possible occasion and without any valid reason.

Except the fact that after his return from the Amazon, he shut her out for the umpteenth time, and soon it became clear enough to her that he wanted it to be the last.

After the first, big fight they had over Ethan’s words at Donahue’s, he decided that the wisest thing to do was to ignore her and give her time to take his decision in, although it took him an amount of effort that after two months away from her wasn’t ready to face at all.

However, his decision soon turned out to be delusional, as she began to tease him slightly on every possible occasion about his recent recanting, forcing him to stay quiet and bite every bullet in order to keep a vague appearance of dignity across the corridors.

When the situation became unsustainable to him, he began to do the only thing he was used to do when things got rough: he became a bossy jerk, continuously mistreating her to keep her away from him.

The plan obviously didn’t worked out as well as he imagined, because she began to yell at him every time he got a little too much authoritative for her taste and he, for his part, was far too proud for letting himself go the opportunity to stand up to her, his guilt only slightly moderating his tones.

At least they had the decency of fighting in his office, far from prying eyes and especially ears.

But the walls of his office were a little too thin for the volumes reached by their confrontations, and every now and then Ethan happened to notice Harper’s disapproving glances coming his way.

All that he could do was let out a long sigh, pinch the bridge of his nose and go on with his work, waiting for another day to come to an end and for Rebecca to finally draw a line under the whole situation and at least try to forgive him.

But that day, he lost it.

It wasn’t exactly something that she said or done, he deserved every cursing word coming his way.

He was simply mad and couldn’t take it anymore.

Mad with himself, for allowing to his marble heart to break down its walls and letting her in, not even thinking of the consequences.

And mad even with her, for being so incredibly breathtaking, swaying her hips and graciously laughing at the nurse station every single morning.

It was too much for him, for the cold, perfectionist, overachiever Dr. Ethan Ramsey.

He didn’t really mean those things.

He knew perfectly well that she was an excellent doctor, one of the best of her age, and most importantly he didn’t mean to say, by no means, that she was fucking him up.

He was self-destructing himself, staying away for her and forcing himself to push her away every time they got closer.

And though he was the emotionless and imperturbable doctor that Edenbrook came to know, he just wanted to loosen the reins for a bit and allow himself to feel.

Well, if he wanted to feel something, her face after those words was something that could have easily tormented him for weeks.

Totally wounded, for a moment utterly helpless in front of the amount of conflicting feelings she was experiencing.

He could read delusion, sorrow and something that he found rather difficult to pinpoint.

Maybe… Hate? Could it really be that, in the end, she came to hate him?

Well, I’d deserve it, he couldn’t help to think, the weight of what he said totally sinking in.

“Oh, well, in that case… I guess I have nothing more to do here,” she looked around his office, tears dangerously threatening to fall off her freckled cheeks.

“Have a good day, Dr. Ramsey.” She turned around, then stopped on her tracks when she was already holding the doorknob.

“On second thought…”

This wasn’t going to end well.

“I suggest you to let go of all this” she gestured around him “aura of complete perfectionism that you bring. It may sooner or later require something of you that you can’t afford to give away. Think of it.”

With this enigmatic words, she left the room leaving her characteristic wake of coconut and cinnamon mints behind her, the loud, angry thumps of her sneakers on the floor annoyingly drawing attention towards her.

Though he always knew she was the only mystery he wasn’t always ready to unravel, her words resonated loud and clear, like a bolt from the blue. Something he tried to ignore for all his life.

Everything in his existence had got to be perfect. No burrs of defects, from his tie knots to his patients’ charts. He lived strictly following routines and embarking only in situations he knew he could fully manage. Which was definitely not the case, speaking of her.

She came into his life like a hurricane and disrupted all of his plans.

Everything was so simple, before her.

Don’t marry, don’t have any kids, commit to your job completely and take Jenner out twice a day.

That’s all he needed, all he wanted. Until her.

Just needed to look at what he’d done to get over her and put his mind back to wherever the hell it was before.

He didn’t have many friends inside the hospital, but whoever knew him just an inch could tell that spending two months in the Amazon wasn’t exactly what he was aspiring to, at least at the time.

It happened increasingly that he found himself daydreaming of her, cuddled against him on the sofa, with her head on his shoulder and his hand through her ginger locks. He found incredibly hard to admit, especially to himself, that he once fantasized about her in a white dress, with orange flowers in her hair.

To bring things back to normal, he thought he just needed time and space to divide him from her, and the Amazon sounded like the further job offer he had received in the latest months.

It could have been a vaguely good idea only if he had the real guts to remain there and not showing his great punching-bag face anymore. He would have still found out that his feelings for her were still there, of course, but at least he would have spared her all the hurt that followed that unfortunate (but breathtaking at the same time) encounter they had at Donahue’s, the night he got back.

He always needed proof for everything, and that was one of the reasons why he became a doctor.

Laws of biology can’t hurt you, people can. That’s what he repeated himself throughout med school and afterwards.

He searched for predictability, order, perfection. But at what cost?

“Something of you that you can’t afford to give away”

His soul, his heart, his humanness. Things he reluctantly needed, as a doctor and as a hypothetically happy human being.

But he just stayed there, the scent of his now cold coffee floating around the room and his eyes locked on the door she went through mere moments ago.

--------------------------------------------------

So, this is gonna be angsty.

As an aspiring singer and a huge music lover, I often draw inspiration from pieces of music. Also, I’m utterly in love with Sleeping at Last, so this is just part of what I wrote listening to them.

I’m not sure how this series is going to evolve, I just know that it will have (with any luck) nine chapters.

Maybe I will go in chronological order, trying not to mess up with the original plot, or maybe I’ll just write about some slices of life involving my favourite duo.

If you have any suggestion, please write me! :)

Unfortunately, don’t know when I’ll be able to post again. I’m having a huge mole of work to do and I don’t really know where to begin! I’ll try to keep writing as a safe haven in this messy world that we’re living in.

tags: @schnitzelbutterfingers, @choicesfan10, @openheartfanfics

I’d also like to thank again everyone who’s commenting such beautiful things under my works, lots of heart emojis to you 💗💗💗

#playchoices #open heart #Open heart 2 #Open heart book 2 #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #doctor ethan ramsey #Ethan Ramsey x reader #ethan x mc #my writing #my fic

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arrow-guy · 4 years

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Author and Auror (9/??)

Synopsis: Eleanore Vaughan has never been one for the spotlight. Her cousin, Rosaline, is the one best suited to the limelight, and is happier for the attention. Though Nora is most comfortable tucked away in her book shop, what happens when Grindelwald’s sudden takeover flips her world upside-down and thrusts her into the inner circle?

A/N: MOre drama, more nonsense. @thorne93 has finished posting her half of the collaboration but i very obviously haven’t, so we’ll see what happens lmao. Until then, go nuts.

Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong

Pairing: Theseus ScamanderxOFC

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: General angst

Part 8

There’s a crowd of aurors in Rosaline’s room when she wakes and it takes nearly ten minutes to convince them their services aren’t needed. An interrogator from the DMLE stomps his way in and shoulders past Newt and I to plop down at the table Rosaline’s been sat at. Much like at my flat, Rosaline refuses to answer a single question, the same stony expression firmly in place throughout the process. The interrogator gives up after only half an hour and I take his place once everyone has left.

“Why do you refuse to give us any information? What could he possibly mean to you?” I snort and lean back in the chair when she doesn’t answer. “The longer you refuse to tell us anything, the longer you’ll be held here. If Grindelwald were in your position, he would not hesitate to give you up.”

“Don’t speak as if you know him,” she says, the fight gone from her tone.

“What else can I do? You’ve refused to speak to us outside of taunts for nearly two days.”

“What exactly is it you want from me?” she snaps. “You took me from the love of my life. I’ve told you I won’t give you his locations or his plans. You’re just doing this to hurt me, like you’ve always done.”

“Hurt… hurt you?” My stomach drops. “Rosaline, when have I hurt you?”

“When haven’t you? You and your family weren’t exactly welcoming…” she mutters.

“We’ve never done anything to intentionally hurt you. My parents have been nothing but kind to you. You’re practically my sister.”

“Well you’re nothing to me. So, unless you’ve something else to question me about…” She gestures to the door.

I sigh and scrape the chair back from the table and turn to leave. “Someone should be in shortly with your evening meal. I expect you’ll eat it, otherwise nutrients potions will be forced down your throat.”

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Instead of saying anything further, I excuse myself from the room. I run into Newt on my way back to the lift.

“She doesn’t seem to be in the mood for a chat,” I warn.

He nods and looks at the door longingly. “You believe she’s bewitched?”

“Yes. I’ve contacted Albus. He should be here over the weekend. Hopefully he’ll be able to tell us something more.” I smile sadly at him. “You’re still going to go in there, aren’t you?”

“I have to,” he says. “Maybe I’m just torturing myself, but I-I have to speak with her.”

I nod and squeeze his shoulder. “Remember that you can leave if it becomes too much for either of you.”

He nods and heads for the door.

Newt slumps down in a chair beside me, just outside Theseus’ office.

“She said she didn’t love me,” he whispers.

I blink and shake my head, trying to dislodge the sleep that’s threatening to drag me under. “Hmm?”

“She said that I’m just a… a zookeeper?” I see his shoulders sag and his bottom lip quivers and I’m immediately wide awake. “She told me that I could never hold her interest or any place in her heart and then said that I could “never be half the man he is.”

“She what?” I shoot up from my chair and Newt makes to grab my hand but I pull it away before he can. “Is that exactly what she told you?”

He stares at me with wide eyes and nods slowly.

“I’m going down there.”

“Nora, wait!” Newt follows after me. “Don't-”

“Don't what? Try to understand what's going on here? Let her know it's wretched to treat people like shit, even if she is bewitched?” I turn on my heel and head back down the hall when he doesn’t say anything. “Tell Theseus, tell any auror you want, no one is getting between me and her.”

Newt doesn’t protest, but hurries after me regardless. He’s silent all the way down to the Department of Mysteries and takes a seat outside of the room where Rosaline is being held. He nods when I place my hand on the doorknob. I open the door and slam it behind me, startling Rosaline in the process.

“Are you serious?!” I demand.

“Serious about what?” she asks.

“Why did you lie to Newt about loving him? After I watched you pine after him for years, you just throw him away?”

She squints. “I didn’t lie. I never loved Newt Scamander. How could I?”

“That is complete shite!”

“Is this because Theseus won’t spare you a second glance?” She shakes her head. “Get over it, Nora. Anyone who wanted Leta Lestrange is trash and you shouldn’t concern yourself with him.”

I grit my teeth and round the table. I grab the back of her shirt collar and haul her up from the seat she’s in. With my hands on her collar, I slam her against the wall.

“You selfish, selfish child! You can't even see you've been bewitched! Grindelwald hasn't come for you. His little minions haven't come for you. No one is tearing through the streets of London looking for any trace of your magic. He didn't care about you. He cares about your power. That's it. There was no end where you ruled alongside him. You’d have been thrown onto the rubbish heap with the other poor souls he's used up along the way."

“At least he cared enough to consider me. Can you say the same for Theseus? Or are you to be his rebound? Simply serving as a replacement for a dead woman.”

I release her and step back, pressing one shaking hand to my forehead. “You can’t be my cousin. Whatever he did to you, whatever he turned you into… you’ve grown cold. Heartless. My cousin-my sister, would never be this cruel.”

“The sister you knew was weak!” she shouts. “I’ve outgrown being Little Miss Perfect.”

“So you’d rather be a murderer?”

“I never murdered anyone,” she said, her voice low. “I simply came into my own.”

All the fight I have left leaves me and my shoulders sag. I leave and the door slams shut behind me. Newt rises from his chair and opens his mouth to ask a question, but I shake my head and wave him off.

“Nora?” I jerk my head up when I hear Theseus’ voice.

I look at Newt questioningly. “There was shouting. I was worried, so I called Theseus.”

I nod and shuffle up the hall to meet him halfway. I press my forehead to his chest and mumble, “I can’t keep doing this”

“What happened?”

“Rosaline told Newt that she’s never been and never could be in love with him and made him sad.”

“You hate it when Newt is sad.”

“He looks like a kicked crup when he’s sad. Of course I hate it.”

“What happened after that?” he presses, gently combing flyaway hairs back into my plait.

“I confronted her and she got in my head again. Whenever I bring up Grindelwald she throws it back in my face, as if I’ve got some kind of vendetta against her due to my feelings for you.”

“But you don’t. You know that and I know that.”

“Yes. That doesn’t change the fact that I completely lost my temper.” I look up at him and he tilts his head to the side.

“To be fair,” Newt says. “She was saying some pretty nasty things.”

“Like what?” Theseus asks.

“She called her your rebound a-and Leta’s replacement.”

Theseus’ hands still at the back of my neck. My hands go to his waist.

“Theseus, no. It's not worth it,” I murmur. “None of this is about us. This isn't about Leta, or any of our relationships. Rosaline is grasping at straws, trying to tear us apart from the inside.”

“Dumbledore can't get here soon enough,” he mutters.

I nod and stroke his side. “Let’s get some tea, yeah? Calm ourselves down a bit.”

“I don't think any of us should go in there until Dumbledore arrives,” Theseus says. “She's too dangerous to be around like this.”

Newt and I agree and Theseus leads us back to the lift. We don’t return for five days.

“Albus, thank you so much for coming.”

“Of course, Eleanore. I only wish I could have gotten away sooner.”

“Don’t worry about that,” I gesture to the lift and Dumbledore follows after me. “Newt and Theseus have already gone down to her room.”

“The Ministry allowed her a room?” I nod and he raises his eyebrows. “Given the circumstances, I’m surprised they didn’t insist on putting her in a cell.”

“At this point it feels as if the head of the DMLE is waiting to see if she’ll step out of line so he can throw her in a cell.”

“How do you mean?”

I shake my head. “More aurors have been wandering down to the department of mysteries, none of them were assigned to the case. Some of the people who end up near Rosaline’s room aren’t even people we’ve seen before.”

“Unspeakables?”

“No, definitely not. They’ve given the entire corridor a wide berth since we were granted permission to bring Rosaline in. No one outside of the department head and the team Theseus put together should know she’s even here.” I select the floor number and lean on the hand rail. “I worry that if we can’t bring her out of this soon she may be shipped off to Azkaban, simply because the DMLE head is a little too antsy.”

“I’ll do everything in my power to help Rosaline avoid such a fate.”

“I appreciate that.”

“How is Newt holding up?” he asks.

“He spoke with her once after bringing her here and it didn’t go very well. Left him a little shaken up. We’ve stayed well clear of her for the better part of the week.”

“And you?”

“I’ll be a little more sane once we’ve figured out what’s wrong with my cousin.”

“That bad?”

“She’s used Leta’s passing against Theseus and I on several occasions. It’s taken its toll on our relationship, but we’ve been able to learn from it and communicate better.”

“You and Theseus?” he asks, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smile.

I feel my cheeks flush and roll my eyes, folding my arms across my chest. “Don’t make a fuss about it.”

“Oh, but now I must.” He laughs. “How long?”

“I don’t know… maybe two months? Maybe a little more?” He raises his eyebrows. “Don’t look at me like that, there was never any real discussion of when it happened, it just did.”

He raises his hands in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Don’t tease us, Albus, you’re nearly ten years older. Please be the adult,” I beg as we step out of the lift.

He laughs and squeezes my arm. “I’ll make no promises.”

I sharply turn my head when Theseus clears his throat. Dumbledore chokes back a laugh and I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I reach out to Theseus, and he wraps an arm around my shoulders and steers me down the hallway with Dumbledore on his other side.

“How is she today?” I ask.

“Dawes said she’s about the same as yesterday. Hasn’t moved much, but she’s eating, so that’s an improvement.”

“Alright,” I take a deep breath and steele my nerves. “Shall we go in, Professor?”

Dumbledore nods and I open the door. Rosaline looks up momentarily before dragging her eyes back down to the table.

“Rosaline, you’ve got a new visitor today,” I say softly.

“What idiot have you decided to bring with you today?” she spits.

I step into the room and open the door wider. Albus enters with a serene smile on his face.

“Dumbledore?” she gasps. “What-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to see you,” he says. “How are you?”

“I would be fine if someone would simply give me my wand and allow me to leave. Seeing as I haven’t committed a crime, I have no idea why I’m still trapped here.”

I roll my eyes and close the door. Albus takes this as an invitation to take a seat across from Rosaline.

“You’re here because it’s the Ministry’s belief that you aren’t quite yourself.”

“The Ministry, or the people who chose to treat me as a second class citizen all my life?” she questions, pinning me with a piercing glare.

“Everyone, really,” he corrects. He tilts his head to the side. “Tell me, what do you remember from Paris?”

“What about Paris?”

“Do you remember anything about the Lestrange mausoleum?” I ask, taking the seat next to Dumbledore. “Maybe the blue flames?”

Her brows pull together. “Of course I remember.”

“What happened?” I press, hoping for more information.

“Gellert was asking people to join him. When I got closer to the fire, he invited me in. He told me he would give me salvation. That he would protect me and value me as I should be treated.”

“You don’t remember that you went into the fire? That he didn’t invite you?”

“I remember stepping in but his hand was outstretched. He told me we would make the world a better place together, with me at his side. How could I refuse that?”

I glance at Albus and he raises his eyebrows. I shrug and shake my head minutely.

“Is there anything you remember before Paris?” I ask.

“I remember how you kept me in your shadow. How Newt never let me live up to my potential. How your parents always treated me like dirt.”

“Rosaline, none of that’s true.”

“Of course you’d see it that way,” she says.

Dumbledore discreetly taps my elbow twice and pushes his chair back from the table. I copy his actions and he leads us back out into the hall.

“So?” Theseus asks as soon as the door is closed.

“I believe Nora is correct,” Dumbledore says. “The inconsistencies in her memory are more than enough to assume that some sort of magic has been performed on her.”

“Is there anything that can be done to help her?” I ask.

“Immediately? Nothing major, but if you can somehow instil the desire to break free of the enchantments, then the job of undoing whatever’s been placed on her will be easier.”

Everyone turns to me and my brows pull together. “What? You want me to go back in there, alone?! The last time I I slammed her up against the wall and yelled in her face. Theseus,” I turn to him. “Please see some reason! You can’t honestly think this is a good idea.”

He takes my hand in his, running his thumb over my knuckles. “It’s a terrible idea, but there really isn’t anything else we can do.”

“I don’t like this,” I announce.

“I know,” he says. “Just try to stay in your seat this time, yeah?”

I snort and turn for the door. “Spoken like someone who’s never been in the room alone with her like this.”

“You want me to try it?”

“Oh, absolutely not.” I reach for the doorknob. “I’ll do it alone.”

I return to Rosaline’s room.

“Where’s Dumbledore?” she demands, clearly disappointed to see me.

“He’s taking care of something,” I lie. “He’ll be back.”

“How long do you plan on keeping me here?”

“As long as is necessary.”

She groans and shoves her chair back from the table before she begins to pace. “I'm not your dog, Eleanore. You can't push me around or tell me what to do anymore. You've treated me like a child far too long.”

“Perhaps recently, but I’ve only treated you as your behavior demanded. And it would do you well to know that I’m not the one who holds your leash. Take a look at that ring on your finger. It wasn’t me who collared you.”

Hatred flares in her eyes. “Don’t. He has nothing to do with this.”

“He has everything to do with this, Rosaline. He killed innocent aurors. He’s the reason Leta is dead. How can someone preaching peace and prosperity do that to his own people?” The volume of my voice grows steadily louder. “How many died by his wand while he kept you as his own?”

“He’s just trying to build a better world for us,” she says, tears forming in her eyes. “You don’t understand. No one here does.”

“Then help us. From where I stand, all I can see is death and destruction.”

“That isn’t what he wants. He just…”

“Just what?”

“He wants freedom from the muggles. I don’t think he meant to hurt those people.”

“That’s not how the statute works, Rosaline. He’s filled you and his followers heads with lies of power and promised something that he cannot deliver. People are dead because of him. He has to pay for what he’s done. Please. Help us.”

She chokes back a sob and turns her face away. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why, I just can’t.”

“This is hopeless. You’re never going to give him up, are you?” She doesn’t answer as tears roll down her cheeks. I shake my head and sigh as I push my chair back from the table. “If you’re not going to help us, then I’m wasting my time.”

“Nora, no, please don’t leave me,” she begs, following me as the door swings open. “Nora! No!”

The door closes behind me and I clamp my hand over my mouth to muffle my erratic breathing. I reach out to Theseus and he pulls me to his chest as tears spill down my cheeks. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my forehead to Theseus’ chest, willing myself to stop crying. Rosaline begins to pound on the door and I can hear her cries on the other side. Theseus rubs my back with one hand and combs through my hair with the other.

Dumbledore places a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve done her a great service, Nora,” he says softly. “We’ll be able to begin the process of understanding the extent of the enchantment tomorrow.”

“Then you’ll go alone. I’m not going back in there until we have an idea of what’s happened to her,” I say firmly. “We can’t keep hurting ourselves like this, not to mention Rosaline. We have no idea what’s happened to her and she’s been locked up for a week.”

“Of course,” his hand falls from my shoulder. “I’ll work as quickly as possible.”

Dumbledore places a small phial on Theseus’ desk and waits for us to comment. Inside a silvery strand of memory wriggles around.

“What did you do?” I ask.

“I proved that you were right, Ms. Vaughan,” he answers. “This is Rosaline’s first memory after being taken. It’s quite fuzzy. Greatly tampered with, and not because of anything Rosaline did.”

“So she’s innocent?” My heart begins to race, but I force myself to stay seated.

Dumbledore smiles. “Quite.”

“That’s great,” Newt says.

“What do we do next?” I ask, leaning forward slightly. “We can give her the news, but what past that? Do we find curse breakers?”

Theseus nods. “If we were to do so, it’d be best to screen them properly. Assure that none of this makes it into the Prophet.”

“Of course,” Dumbledore says. “I have a few friends I may be able to call in. The rest is up to you, really. I’m sure Nora would like to be a part of bringing her cousin back to herself.”

I press my lips together and meet Theseus’ eyes. “I would, actually.”

Theseus nods. “Of course. And you will.” He looks around at the people gathered in his office. “We should deliver the news.”

I shake my head, trying to gather my thoughts. “Right, of course.”

I head for the door and everyone follows after me. The ride down to Rosaline’s room is silent. No one speaks until we’re seated around the table.

“What’s going on?” Rosaline asks.

“We have something we need to tell you,” I say.

“What could it possibly be?”

“Rosaline,” Dumbledore began, huffing out a breath, “you’ve been cursed.”

Her eyebrow twitches up. “Cursed?”

“It appears Grindelwald put you under a series of complex curses.” Dumbledore explains. “He toyed with memories, he put you under the Imperius curse, along with other loyalty spells and charms. The love you feel for him, the loyalty, it’s all a farce.”

“I…” She trails off, her brow furrowing. Confliction clouds her features. “So, what now? Am I imprisoned?”

“Absolutely not. We’re going to work to get the curses out of you. So long as you don’t fight us, it should be relatively easy and painless. We have to be careful not to destroy your mind in the process. I’d like to give you your memories back.”

She nods slowly. “Whatever you think is best,” she says. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t fighting us more,” Theseus remarks.

“Either you’re wrong and this is a waste of our time, or you’re right and I won’t be cursed any longer.” She shrugs. “It’s all the same to me.”

I nod absentmindedly and Dumbledore pushes his chair back from the table. He excuses himself, closely followed by Theseus and I. When Newt hangs back, I place one hand on his arm, silently asking if he’s alright. He covers my hand with his and nods. I squeeze his arm and leave the room. Theseus pulls me close when the door closes behind me and he doesn’t ask where Newt is.

“I should stop by the store,” I say. “Check on the kids and do some inventory.”

“Do you want me to come with?” Theseus asks.

I shake my head. “James and Tessa are still a little wary of aurors, even if it is just you.” I lean up and kiss him. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

He smiles and nods once. “Of course. I’ll come by after I’m done here.”

“Great,” I murmur, gently squeezing his hand.

He stoops down and kisses me softly. “See you soon, Love.”

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed this chapter, please reblog, comment, and/or shoot me ask! Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

#theseus scamanderxreader #readerxtheseus scamander #theseus scamander x reader #reader x theseus scamander #theseus scamander #newt scamander

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ms-march · 4 years

Text

12 Days of Turn-“Decorations”

Another lbl ficlet, this one convers my favorite side plotline, Thaddeus and Elizabeth Schuyler. It is shorter than an average chapter and shows the more intelligent side of Adrienne more explicitly than usual. I really like this piece because it shows how their relationship and lives are developing later in the fic. If you like it please give this post a like, comment, and/or reblog!

Adrienne had to admit that the camp in Morristown was growing on her. She never in a million years would have guessed it, but Adrienne found that she did not mind the noise of the camp. She enjoyed the walk she took to visit John every morning walk through the officer’s tents that lined the inside of the camp. She would ride if she did not have young John with her, usually, on the days she deemed it simply too cold to his slight frame. These same days her husband would scold her for visiting, claiming that he required her in the best of health and that riding through the snow and cold was actively working against his wishes. He would then proceed to pull the chair from his desk to rest in front of the office fireplace, bidding her sit there till the rosiness in her cheeks was no longer caused by windburn and chill. Today, however, was different.

Today Adrienne did not venture out to visit with John in the morning, for no particular reason beyond the desire to stay warm and cozy in her bedroom here at the Cochran’s New Jersey estate. She had only moved from her bed to collect her darling boy from his resting place so that she might hold him close, propped up in the bed. The two of them made quite the sight, still dressed in none but her chemise and dressing robe, her sweet, rapidly growing boy, wrapped loosely in his blankets. They remind this way for some time, Adrienne delighting in each little coo and squeal that lit up across his face, until she finally rose from her bed, dressing her young John with a new sash to match the deep green color of the candy stripe silk gown she donned for the day.

The house was not decorated, likely because of Gertrude Schyler Cochran’s old age, but Adrienne had discussed it with her some nights ago and today was the day. Today would be spent decorating the house. Adrienne had been given free rein over the house’s servants and fully intended to join them in their decorating as much as she did at Belvoir when she was young. She stood before the parlor’s mantle, reaching up to fret with the greenery and holly upon it, but shrieked when two large hands landed on her waist, a tricorn hat being held in one of the hands.

Hot breath fanned out across the side of her face, “And what crime has this greenery committed that it might be subjected to your scrutiny this morn, my dear?”

Adrienne huffed, placing a hand comfortingly over the empty hand on her waist, “It refuses to look as charming as the rest.” She continued to fiddle with it, prompting John to steal a kiss to place upon her cheek. “John!” she admonished, “Not in the parlor! It is too public.”

“Because a man placing a kiss on the cheek of his wife is cause for scandal?”

“Because he does so in the home of another that has been so kind as to open it to them? Yes, indeed.”

John turned her ’round in his hands and defiantly placed a kiss upon her lips, maintaining his grip on her when she playfully attempted to push him away. “And where is my son?”

“Is that why you are here,” she deflected, teasing, “Just to see your son?”

“No,” he retreated, “I sorely missed my morning visit from the best wife on American shores and was worried something had happened.” John scoffed, dramatically looking around the room to add to his performance, “I see now that I was merely cast aside in favor of holly and pine.”

“Very important holly and pine,” Adrienne defended.

“You are dodging the question,” John accused, coming back around to his original inquiry, “Where is my poor son?”

“Our son,” Adrienne emphasized, “Is out with Miss Elizabeth Schuyler.”

John laughed cheekily, “I see he is already endearing himself to the ladies.”

This prompted a giggle from Adrienne, “Oh, you should see the charms he puts on for Mrs. Martha Jefferson. I would not be surprised if you were to receive an offer for their youngest.”

John snorted, pulling her close to rest her head against his chest for a moment before furrowing his brow in realization. “Is Miss Schuyler not out on a stroll with Alexander this morning?”

“She is,” Adrienne hummed.

“And our son is with them?” he asked, confused.

“Was that a poor decision?”

“It might have been,” John argued, “I cannot speak for Miss Schuyler’s own talents, but Alexander is absolutely miserable with children.”

“Well,” Adrienne began, “If what I have been hearing is true, I should imagine he will need to improve upon that greatly.”

John looked down at her, some light surprise etched into his face, “You really believe that she will choose our brash Colonel Hamilton over Thaddeus’ soft-spoken temperament?”

“I know that she has been spending far more time with Colonel Hamilton. As well as asking about his person, his history, and temperament.” Adrienne smiled softly up at her husband, “And I think that by this time next year, he may find himself in your shoes.”

She wanted to add that with Alexander preoccupying Miss Schuyler’s thoughts and time, she would not have any time to concern herself with Adrienne’s Thaddeus. Their relationship has been strained since the wedding, Thaddeus remaining close with John, enough so to be named John Henry Laurens’ godfather. But since the birth, he has been standoffish at best, no doubt to take it as a sign to step away from the seemingly happy family.

Adrienne missed him, and finding out from Lafayette about his courtship with Elizabeth Schuyler tore her to pieces. She sat with the Marquis in his tent, allowing him to hold her in his arms, crouched down on the grass floor of his tent together as Adrienne cried in his arms. His quiet soothing and the comforting little nothings whispered into her ear were not something either of them would be remembering any time soon. Whenever Thaddeus did visit Belvoir, he would vocalize that he called upon John Henry, not her, bringing various gifts that Adrienne made a point to put on display, to give them use. If he would not talk with her, she would have to find other avenues to ensure he saw her appreciation.

She never told him she knew. Thaddeus was pushing her away, and if Lafayette did not tell Adrienne about Miss Schuyler, he likely would have never told her. Adrienne would not have been surprised if they had gotten married, being far too similar in temperament to one another to not work seamlessly. She would be wounded by the lack of invitation that would likely be extended to her, but she would survive, if just barely.

Adrienne was torn from her pathetic musings by a kiss placed delicately to the side of her neck. “We could take this upstairs.” John was whispering against her skin, the hot air against the sheer of the wrap across her shoulders.

“No,” Adrienne flushed, pulling away from him, “Not here, my dear. If you wish such activities, you must visit me in Virginia.”

“You know I cannot do that, my love,” John whispered against her skin, pulling her back into his arms before the fireplace.

“You can,” Adrienne began, staring into the unlit logs, “But you will not.”

John sighed, “Come now, Addy, I thought we had passed this. I thought we were warming up to this possibility for our future.”

“You had done that years ago,” Adrienne replied briskly.

Another sigh escaped John’s lips, “And you would rather make it out that I and all of my closest friends are playing dress-up till tomorrow, or the day after, we will all give up and go home.”

“It is settled then,” she bristled, “I think you nonsensical, and you think me naive.”

“That is not what I meant,” he murmured.”

“Isn’t it?”

John released her, stepping away from the mantle to lean up against the arm of a chair. “Can we not do this,” he begged, his face worn from the previous arguments on this same topic.

“Of course,” Adrienne conceded, moving back to fiddle and fluff the greenery, “Why would we ever wish to talk about the biggest divide in our marriage.”

“Would you like me to leave?” John offered defeated

“Only if you wish to.”

“Do you wish me to?’ John asked, peering up at her as she turned slightly to see him over her shoulder.

Adrienne huffed, allowing her arms to drop from fiddling with the greenery atop the mantle, approaching the arm of the chair her husband threw himself in and perching herself on top of it. He rubbed his thumb in circles over her wrist, and she pecked a kiss on his cheek.

Eventually, they had shifted to the couch, John’s arm wrapped around Adrienne’s shoulder as she leaned against him. There was some chatter outside the house, the front door being visible from Adrienne’s spot on the couch. She noted the heavy blush across Miss Schuyler’s cheeks, the broad smile donned by Colonel Hamilton as his eyes glittered with joy. Her lips pulled subtly into a smirk. If this behavior continued, then Miss Schuyler should become Mrs. Hamilton in no time at all. And the quicker she took the redhead’s name, the sooner Thaddeus’ attentions would return to Adrienne. All would become right in the world once again when the lean arm around Adrienne’s shoulders could be replaced by the curving muscles of her dark-haired lover. All will become right when she is pressed with a kiss, not from soft lips that hold a sweet taste upon them, but with slightly chapped ones with the remnant taste of black tea and coffee in their crevices.

#i love seeing adrienne be a smart bitch #adrienne fairfax #lady adrienne fairfax #john laurens #elizabeth schuyler #hamilton #alexander hamilton #thaddeus kosciuszko #thadrienne #lbl #luck be a lady #12 days of turn #12daysofturn2020 #12 days of turn 2020 #turn amc #turn: washington's spies

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thefreakishmuffin · 4 years

Text

Hetalia is coming back, and I have some thoughts...

Alrighty everyone, here we go! As if 2020 couldn’t get more insane...

(This is a longer post, so I’ll add fun gifs to separate the walls of text so it isn’t so exhausting to read).

So, if you’ve been on the internet since the early 2010′s, you’ve most likely seen, or at least heard, of an odd show called Hetalia. This anime, with the manga originally created by Hidekaz Himaruya, was later adapted into an anime. For those who are either new to the internet or have been living under a rock for the last decade, Hetalia, first going under the name Hetalia: Axis Powers, is a show about different events in world history and world politics, all being portrayed by people who represent different countries. Each country - or character, you could say - is essentially the embodiment of all their respective country’s stereotypes.

For example, Germany is extremely strict, loud, militaristic, and often angry or stubborn. Italy is an absolute coward who is obsessed with pasta and beautiful women. And America is an over-the-top, loud, bombastic, arrogant dork who is constantly downing fast food and calling himself a “hero.” The list goes on and on, but you get the idea.

Hetalia was, and still is, an extremely weird show. And with season seven on the horizon, coming to us in Spring 2021, I feel like I ought to talk about it. And why am I taking the time to talk about it?

Because I am a veteran Hetalian.

(Me laughing but slowly dying inside)

You read that right. Throughout all of middle school and the first few months of high school (almost four years), I was an absolute obsessive Hetalia fangirl. Outside of the internet, I was the biggest fan I knew, along with the guy who was my best friend at the time. We’d binge watch the show, read and write fanfiction, bring others into the cult fandom, talk about it almost constantly, draw fanart, watch the funny mmd video compilations on YouTube, delve really deep into world history, quote and reenact all of our favorite scenes - we even cosplayed England and Prussia one year for Halloween! This was the show that made me the HUGE history nerd I am today! I even got a book on the complete history of Prussia one year for Christmas.

Yep. We were those kind of fans. (Not gonna lie, as a now twenty-year-old woman, I still kinda cringe looking back at my middle school years. But I was having fun, so who cares?)

So when I heard we were getting another season after a five year hiatus, you’d think I’d be super stoked that a show I was once madly in love with was coming back from the dead, right?

(The part of me that is thrilled about Hetalia returning)

Well... It’s a little complicated. I won’t lie that I am really excited for this new season, and I’m of course gonna watch the entire series over again in preparation for it. But I have some hopes, worries, and mixed emotions about everything happening, and everything that may or may not go down when the season eventually airs, including the time leading up to it. I even have a particular topic I want to get to, but you’ll see that later in the post.

To address my worries, we first have to go way back to the early days of the fandom. For the most part, the Hetalia fandom was just really weird, fun, nerdy, and quirky. Nothing wrong with that. I feel like the fandom already had an odd reputation, but at least it wasn’t a bad one. That is until we had some... How should I say... Toxic behaviors and incidents start to take place.

Allow me to explain. How I see it, every fandom has some kind of toxicity level. The toxicity level is from the fans who are, well, toxic. We all know who they are, and you’ve likely met at least a few here and there. And the toxicity levels vary from fandom to fandom. In some it’s very low, and in others it’s very high. I wouldn’t say the Hetalia fandom’s toxicity level was super high, but it wasn’t incredibly low either. We had the usual problems, like some intense shipping wars and people debating on different ideas and headcanons, but the Hetalia fandom had something a bit different going on.

(My two personalities trying to coexist in peace)

You see, a lot of people didn’t like - or even hated - Hetalia, because they saw it as racist and offensive. If you admitted you liked Hetalia outside of the fandom, you ran a definite risk of getting either shunned or degraded for it. And if that wasn’t bad enough, you had a group of fans - a rather small group of fans, mind you - who did some pretty insensitive things that ended up landing the fandom in some serious hot water.

You’d have people in that small group of fans who’d openly do the Nazi salute while cosplaying Germany at conventions, and there was even the incident where you had fans cosplaying as Nazi Germany to the holocaust museum, where they decided to pose doing the Nazi salute. I even saw a cosplay of Germany and Prussia pointing guns at the Star of David, which is a well known symbol of the Jewish faith. Not to mention the fans who seemed to fetishize Nazi Germany and Prussia. Now, I may not know about everything these people did, as I was pretty good at staying on the light side of the fandom, but these were some pretty well known and disgraceful problems that everyone would find out about sooner or later.

Sadly enough, it was that small, tiny percentile of the fandom that did things that were so offensive, so wrong, that it was greatly magnified by others, thus giving the fandom its toxic, even cringey reputation. And I really hope we don’t have to relive that all over again.

(Me singing songs about punching Nazis and eating pasta)

So what I hope is that we are able to leave all of that behind us. Though I’ve already seen some Twitter users try to start drama all over again by reposting the offensive cosplays, and Tumblr users getting their panties in a wad because they apparently have nothing else better to do. But because a vast majority of the Hetalia fans are like me in that we’ve grown older and matured, I’m hoping we can help guide the younger, newer fans in the right direction.

And I won’t deny that I am very worried about the newer fans getting harassed and bullied on social media. I don’t have a lot of advice when it comes to the haters, other than the usual ‘ignore them and don’t respond’, tactic. But just know that if they don’t leave you alone, you can always block them.

And here’s another bit I want to touch upon. While I can completely understand why people see this show as racist and offensive, I honestly don’t think it is. If anything, I think it actually teaches us something. And no, I’m not talking about history right here. I’m talking about the stereotypes, and how they are portrayed. I think this show helps us to understand that all of these different stereotypes we have about different people and countries are all stupid and silly.

Do we actually know a German who is exactly like Hetalia’s Germany? No. Do any of us know an Englishman who is identical to Hetalia’s England in every way? Of course not. This series helps us to understand that the stereotypes so many of us hold onto today are nothing more than just stupid, silly old ideas that have been blown far out of proportion over the years.

Many people try to claim that this show is overtly racist and tries to divide, but in my opinion, I think it ties us together.

(My last two braincells writing up this post at around midnight)

At the end of the day, I’m incredibly excited and eager to see the new season of Hetalia, and everything that it will have in store for us. And it’s fun too look back on all the nostalgic memories I have of this show. This is all I have to say for now, but I may or may not be coming back to this topic in the future. Might even make another blog for Hetalia while I’m coming back to the fandom. After all, this is known as the fandom you can’t escape from.

Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna go press play on Hetalia: Axis Powers episode one, and let myself spiral into insanity once again!

#aph #hetalia #hetalia is back #hetalia 2021 #aph thoughts #hetalia thoughts #hetalia analysis #aph analysis

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graphicabyss · 4 years

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Avalanche and the Fallout

So, last time I commented on Tegoshi’s tell-all book and now it’s released and the damage is done. Such an appropriate name seeing as avalanches are sudden and destroy everything in their path. As I read the book and the related news, I struggled with both the need to convey how I felt and stop giving him so much time and attention. Sure enough, I ended up with a long review/analysis/bitching post. It's rough and mean and very long so please read at your own risk.

Facts first. The book released on Aug 5 was originally supposed to run 10,000 copies but they reportedly increased it to 50,000 due to high demand. Tegoshi also held a press-conference to talk about it on release day. It ended up being one of the best-selling books on Amazon and top seller in Entertainment.

It’s hard to talk about the book briefly. It’s 270 pages long and I had absolutely no intention to read it all but still ended up reading a good deal and words just kept pouring out of me. I could not imagine how much this book would fuck me up. I knew it would be bad but honestly I was shocked about the publication because it’s both incredibly cruel to so many people and incredibly stupid as it’s going to severely damage his reputation and future career.

I won’t even try to pretend to be objective because there’s nothing objective about the book itself. It’s a book of unsolicited opinions. If there’s one word I’d to describe it it’s ‘delusional’. Every chapter reeks of vanity and a sense of superiority as he judges every single celebrity he came in contact with and gives plenty of advice. It's a mess of careless words hastily and haphazardly thrown together in an attempt to let the world know the Real Tegoshi.

Of course, that's not how he sees it. He mentions the likes of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates saying their books give people motivation and inspiration and he wanted to do the same. Bitch, you haven't done anything to get you on that level yet.

There’s a video on his channel where he goes to the publisher to talk about the book and while he says about sending an inspirational message, the publisher only wants him to talk about Yukirin and other juicy gossip. And it’s not like poor Tegoshi was tricked into it, he readily agreed to it and he knew full well what he was doing. The book’s cover does not advertise life advice, it advertises celebrity gossip. Also nudes, which by the way, turned out to be mere topless shots. Add false advertising to the list of offenses. He really gave Bunsun a run for their money discussing half his scandals and even adding some extra. He keeps saying he only wants to clear up the rumours but somehow ends up saying things that make absolutely no difference or even make him look worse. It's like if Bunshun said "Tegoshi was partying with 5 younger women, ran around naked and then passed out drunk" and Tegoshi would be like "That's not true! There were 4 women!"

He also said he absolutely could not hide how he truly felt. And that seems to make sense except it’s one thing to just be honest and reveal some of your relevant thoughts in a carefully worded manner. But this is another thing entirely. It’s some kind of emotional exhibitionism, a compulsory desire to share his every thought and opinion on everything and everyone. Dear, there is middle ground between hiding how you really feel and giving your every single opinion. That doesn't make you honest. It makes you an asshole.

The book is divided into small chapters and most are about NEWS, past and present members and related topics, as well as most other JE artists. Some chapters are about the women he had or did not have relations with. Some are about the people he admires and his delusional plans for the future. Only a small number of chapters do not mention any names and talk about his personal experiences and thoughts.

At this point, I do not even have all the scans but I have more than enough to go off the parts I read. First off, I am now allergic to the word ‘positive’ and the phrase ‘as a man’. What the fuck does that even mean? Also, a lot of the stuff he says in the book is not new in any way and was either said before or known through other sources or rumours. There are hardly any shocking revelations anywhere, at least if you were following him as closely as I have. But hearing all these terrible opinions at once is sure a treat.

Actually, he himself described it as whining and that seems accurate because he does that for a good portion of the book, explaining how unfairly he (and other people) was treated by the industry and the press. There are many stories of hardship and resilience. There’s the good old "I suffered so much when I wasn’t the center of attention for the first time in my life”. There’s the classic “The media spreads lies about me” and other familiar narratives. Also a few tragic stories of unfulfilled love.

And not all of it is horrible. In fact, there are a few parts that I could relate to, such as the terrible way Koyama had been treated when he had to resign from ‘every’, the strange limitations for idols and how excessively strict the rules of Japanese showbiz are. But by telling those stories and complaining about JE and Japan’s entertainment industry, he is not going to make a change. All he accomplished is make things harder for himself. Bringing up the names of many artists, especially those he doesn’t even know personally, and discussing their problems is incredibly rude, intrusive and potentially damaging. Yes, the rules of Japanese entertainment suck but see how much you can achieve going against them.

And I don't like JE and not going to defend it but bitching about JE in particular is unwise for two reasons: One - not only does he owe everything to it, NEWS is still in it and what’s bad for JE is bad for NEWS. Two - JE is very powerful and has immense influence in the industry so making them your enemy when your career barely started may lead to it ending prematurely. In the end, Tegoshi Yuya’s biggest obstacle to fame isn’t JE or media. It’s Tegoshi Yuya.

It is not an autobiography book so it doesn't start with childhood. Which is a pity because I was hoping to get a glimpse of how we got to this point. There are a few clues though.

I can tell.

Perhaps the most important chapters are those connected to his leaving the band, his reasons and motivations and that shit made me livid. He basically says that one day he imagined how awesome his solo career would be and decided he was too good to be in NEWS and the world will fall at his feet at soon as he lets it. He literally says that when he had to stay home because of the Covid-19 pandemic, he realized that God sent him a sign saying “Quickly, leave the agency!”. The pandemic is serendipity. Fuck me.

I honestly expected that the part about NEWS members at least would be nothing but praise but it also left me with very mixed feelings. First, there's a chapter "What I Told the NEWS Members" and it sounds so solemn and inspirational like "Are you sure you didn't copy that from some drama or anime? Because people do not talk like that, especially after being hit with such news." I'd love to hear their side of the story. There's also a chapter calling the members his comrades and expressing his eternal gratitude. But it's pretty clear that's not really for the members, it's to appease the fans.

There are several more chapters about the members specifically. Tegoshi has to be perfectly honest so there’s evaluation of every member, as he positions himself as the best performer by default and tells some stories that he apparently seems to think necessary to share.

For instance, there’s his story of choosing to stay in NEWS in 2011 as he told Koyashige they were miles behind Tegomass and needed to improve their singing and dancing to not drag the band down. Wait, since when can Tegoshi dance? Also the time Massu could not get a certain song right and got unresponsive as Tegoshi kept poking his mistake, so Tegoshi went berserk and thrashed Massu's things.

There is also a whole chapter about Shige and it's so weird as a former biggest Tegoshige shipper. Before I'd be happy for all the praise. Sadly, at this point if Tegoshi praises you too much it's almost a little suspicious. The whole thing is basically Tegoshi deciding that Shige is his top choice as... a man? deciding he makes the best leader and entrusting him the band. "Take care of my NEWS, Kato!" he says at the end. Fuck this shit!

Also, whatever happened to “Shige-chan?” He has made no effort to spend time with Shige out of work. And you know, they used to hang out and go on trips together when they were younger but not in recent years as Tegoshi got 'cooler' friends. I mean, his and Shige's friends probably have a 20+ difference in IQ level but still... He also only read a few of his books and unlike Massu, he does read. Mostly shitty 'how to succeed' types. All of that speaks of remarkable disinterest in Shige's actual life and thoughts.

There are several more chapters regarding NEWS as a band and what he thinks they should do and it makes me furious just talking about it. You lost any right to decide the band's future when you left them high and dry, asshole. He also claims he loves NEWS so so much and even wears the tour T-shirts (impressive!) and sings their songs in karaoke and cries! (poor thing!) On top of that he can't wait to see the STORY tour and go to see it and also broadcast it on his Youtube and do a review.......... I can't with this shit. Let's move on.

He also analyzed former members, basically calling Ryo spineless and saying he and Pi should have left sooner if they had no interest being in the band. And that’s coming from someone who tried to leave what? 4 times at least? Yes. It turns out he wanted to leave the band in 2017, in addition to 2011 and 2013. The way I see it now, 4nin NEWS was a hostage situation where Tegoshi constantly threatened to leave and other members trying to keep him happy and make him stay. He knew he was important and he got away with all kind of shit, both within the band and the agency.

In a similar manner, he takes each JE group and artist and evaluates them - what's good about it and what’s not, who’s popular and capable, what the group needs to do and so on. It’s amazingly condescending. There’s even a whole part about wanting to unite NEWS and KAT-TUN. What the fuck? Who asked you? Go film your ugly wardrobe or something.

I bet Tegoshi is so obsessed with popularity and rankings that he sees numbers over every person's and groups’ heads. Not everything in the world can be ranked and measured in numbers. He also says there are many celebrities who fucked up and acted like divas but are still popular. Way to go! Except it seems you have mistaken the order. You should succeed first, then be a dick. Also bitch, you're not Lady Gaga.

One of the biggest reasons for the anger of fans, at least the Western ones, was the way he talked about the mental issues of the former King & Prince member Iwahashi Genki and SEXY ZONE member Matsushima Sou both of whom had to step back from the industry because of their panic attacks. Even though he intended to encourage them, he expressed a fundamental misunderstanding of how panic attacks work suggesting they just had to cheer up and stay positive.

There's a whole section where he talks about a dozen female celebrities, mostly idols and actresses, dedicating a whole chapter to each. Of course, only to ‘set the record straight’. Because that’s exactly how the rumours work, you know. Particularly old ones. You tell the whole story and they go away. It's disgusting. Female artists' whole careers depend on their pure image and being associated with him can easily end it.

He also speaks of the first three girls he dated, which all sound like huge and tragic love stories as he said he loved them so much he considered marrying them but they all actually happened when he was about 16 to 20 years and after turning 20 he hasn't had a single woman that he loved that much.

And then some parts are only about himself and they are things that one should really, really keep to oneself. Nobody needs to know you drink so hard you can’t get it up. The chapter's called "I have no interest in sex" but it should really be called "I have a drinking problem". I couldn’t help but remember the scandalous article that came out in 2017 where one of his 'girl friends' sold the story of their relationship with all unsightly intimate details. I chose to defend him at the time but now I’m not even sure I can blame her. Perhaps it should be viewed as whistle-blower insider info as she warned others of what they may expect. The chapter "I have easily over a 1000 female friends" says he has this many girl contacts all over Japan and overseas but they aren't what you think they are. He only had 10 girls who he considered girlfriends, those he met 1 on 1 with. I guess the rest he just fucked so that doesn't count. Now that I think about it, I feel like 99% of all the Bunshun articles were mostly accurate.

Speaking of which... There's also a chapter where he explains why he cried during Neverland tour and he explains it by the photo with the two cons from 2011. We all know that was just a small part of it and the far bigger reason was people exposing his private messages and leaking intimate photos and stories. So much for the whole truth. Also, he whines about his reputation being hurt by the photo but has a whole chapter praising the man called Horiemon who was imprisoned for securities fraud.

There's another major revelation that shows his character. He mentions several cases where he had hissy fits in the dressing rooms, actually throwing chairs and things. Of course, for important reasons - being frustrated and angry at terrible injustices. Such as Koyama being fired from ‘every’ or him losing some parts in ChumChum after his scandal. Also the fight with Massu back in 2010 when he threw Massu’s things on the floor... It’s horrible as it is but for Massu, knowing he freaks out if you so much as breathe on his things... What a bitch.

There are also some chapters about his delusions of becoming a worldwide phenomenon but he doesn't seem to have a real plan how to achieve it. There are his ideas that are all over the place. There's the bold "Creating a new mold of entertainment" so that's producing. There's Youtube stuff. There's creating a "Tegoshi village" with ex-TOKIO Yamaguchi. He just had to pick the most problematic of his senpai. And there's an actual chapter called "Expanding to China and US Simultaneously”? Also English lessons? That all sounds very impressive, hon, but all you did so far was piggybacking on other people's fame and work. His book sold largely due to scandals and other people's names. He had a solo concert with just his NEWS solos and cover versions. And he just released a video that is an exact replica of his ItteQ segment.

One question is: how is he so confident he'll succeed fast? Well, apart form the usual delusions of grandeur. One reason for his excessive confidence is having friends in high places. At one point he's casually namedropping Abe Shinzo and the First Lady who was supposedly expected to come to the Story tour. Tegoshi said he would invite both of them to his solo concert. Yeah, I'm sure they'll come, nothing controversial about that.

I can’t imagine how it’s going to go from here but I don’t know how anyone would still want to work with him. He fucked over people he worked with for 18 years, people he claims to love, in a heartbeat so what can a new partner expect?

--------------------------------------------------

As expected by literally everyone but Tegoshi, the book made an uproar and not in a good way, with fans and agencies enraged over his words about the artists. There were many articles calling this book 'exposé book', especially focusing on him using the real names of female celebrities. Some newspapers followed up with petty articles. My favourite is an article from Tokyo Sports that specifically dug up a story that was not in the book about the way he adamantly pursued a certain female idol trying to conquer her and culminating in doing a dogeza in front of her but she still rejected him saying "Zettai yada! I will be your girlfriend number what?". Her name is not revealed, which is unfortunate, I'd like to know who that queen is.

Not all feedback was bad, of course. According to this article, many men brought it and enjoyed it. I'm sure they did. Plenty of aspirational douchebags out there. Anyway. Many fans wrote to him long angry and very detailed letters. His social media accounts have been losing followers for the past several weeks.

Perhaps the strangest thing is that he seemed genuinely surprised that instead of praise for his courage and honesty he got anger and disapproval. It wouldn't happen if he got his head out of his ass and literally asked a single one of the people he wrote about what they thought of it.

The feedback must have been very focused as the very next day he wrote a few posts on his Twitter and Instagram indicating his concern over the feedback. On Twitter, he used the word “yacchimatta ka” as in “I messed up, didn’t I?” though stylistically I read it as “whoopsie”. Then there were two Insta stories.

2020/08/06 Ah, I'm a little tired. I'm also human. (sometimes I whine)

2020/08/06 I don't bother with those who criticize me in whatever they do. But I can't stand to see my fans, whom I treasure like my life, leave. I'm sorry. From now on, I won't whine anymore.

"I whine sometimes?" Really? that's what you call a 272 pages tell-all book? Also "I won't whine anymore"?? You think pulling off shit like that and then saying "whoopsie" is enough? It got quiet for a few days and on Aug 10 there was the apology video, which was named "This is my first and last whining". Doubt it. He uses the word ‘弱音’ which has a somewhat vague meaning, using it in an apology video in that context is confusing. Why not call apology as it is? That seems like another politician’s technique.

The apology was impressive in a way. At least it was not a blanket apology, he (or his employees) correctly identified what exactly people were mad about. He said he was really sorry for hurting his fans and causing trouble to people he wrote about. He said he understood that he doesn't have to reveal everything. He also said that he felt the love behind the anger, that fans wrote to him because they cared and were disappointed. Also said he realized that he was protected till now. It was all pretty good right until the very end when he gave a loud 'TEI!' effectively ruining the effect.

Of course, it was good that he did that but I still don't think it even began to make up for all the shit he wrote. The apology would be an adequate step after a shitty Tweet, not a fucking book. Also, I feel like more than anything he just got scared of losing his fans, maybe even sorry for hurting their feelings but not really sorry for what he did. He has no plans to change his behaviour. He wants to be at his 100% assholeness and still be adored.

Of course thousands of merciful women turned to his defence because he looked 'so sad' and even 'thinner'. That's right! He's the real victim here. Must be terrible to hear such hard criticism for the things you actually said and did.

By now I'm barely even angry anymore and a part of me feels sorry for Tegoshi. He's like a dumb spoiled child who wreaks havoc. But I have to remind myself I should not feel sorry. He is in fact an adult man of 32 who is so used he always gets his way that even a minor opposition is viewed by him as a violation of his freedom. And his charm is the very reason he always got away with all the shit he did in life up to this point. I bet he is getting a lot of hate mail and I hope his positivity prepared him for it. I remember him calling Koyama in the middle of the night to come and comfort him while he cried. Also calling Shige to come only to fall asleep in his lap. Now he's on his own. God, right now I just really wish Tegoshi would send himself to the corner and thought about what he's done. Just step aside and shut up for 5 minutes.

But he isn't gonna do it. Of course not. He had a solo concert today and is doing Youtube videos and moving even faster so that people forget about the book.

But fans never will. I can't even say if the book changed my perception or just unveiled what I knew was there all along. For years I've been discarding and questioning all the bad rumours and stories telling myself "He didn't mean it" or "That can't be true" but now it all comes together like pieces of a puzzle, and there's no need to guess anymore because he's shouting "Oh yes I fucking did and I'll do it again!"

All in all, the book paints a picture of a man who is anything but Prince Charming. It chips away any remaining illusions of a 'perfect idol' showing someone who is vain, petty, and chauvinistic. Someone who is obsessed with status and popularity so much that he is willing to sacrifice everything for it and thinks it doesn't matter how bad your reputation is as long as you succeed. Someone who is the very epitome of toxic masculinity, drinks himself to oblivion and treats women like toys. And yet, somehow, I still find myself having to fight the strong urge deep inside of me that makes me want to like him.

#Tegoshi Yuya #musings #it's nearly 4k fuck me #I'm exhausted but it had to be done

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somethingusefulfromflorida · 4 years

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Alternate History scenarios I want to see

I’m tired of the same two scenarios, the South wins the Civil War, Nazis win World War II. There’s no more blood to be pulled from those stones, they’re completely dry, completely played up. At best they’re just generic, at worst they’re conservative wish fulfillment. ¡No mas! For the love of God, just give us some scenarios we haven’t seen before, some scenarios that postulate a better world instead of a worse one.

If you have to do the Civil War, let Lincoln survive, let him oversee Reconstruction. Let the South remain under military occupation, get rid of the Compromise of 1877, get rid of Jim Crow laws, enforce the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments. The Civil Rights movement would have occurred fifty or sixty years earlier.

What if Archduke Franz Ferdinand was never assassinated? Tensions were boiling over in the Balkans, something was bound to happen eventually, his death was just the final straw; if he survived though, the resulting war wouldn’t be nearly as catastrophic, instead being tantamount to a Third Balkan War between Austria and Serbia. Germany and Russia and France probably wouldn’t even get involved, it would be contained to the peninsula and be over by Christmas 1914. The resulting post-war world would be so different from our own it would be near impossible to imagine; no carving up the Middle East, no rise of authoritarianism in Russia and Italy and Germany and China, no Holocaust, no Cold War, no baby boom, etc.

1939, Albert Einstein never signs the Szilard Letter to President Roosevelt, so the Manhattan project never gets off the ground. The Nazis were not developing atom bombs, the American nuclear program was predicated on a lie (as most of our foreign policy decisions are). If we never develop the bomb, there’s no arms race, no Cold War, no crimes against humanity by the US against Japan, no looming threat of nuclear war at all times. Maybe the Soviets would have developed the bomb eventually, but the US wouldn’t be the first, and we wouldn’t be as aggressive over out stockpile as we were through the 20th century.

The arrest and trial of Adolf Hitler; what if the Western Front had reached Berlin before the East? What if we’d been able to capture him alive and try him at Nuremberg with the rest of the Reich? He doesn’t get the satisfaction of a quick ending, his crimes are aired to the world, his few remaining supporters finally see him as a man instead of a god. He’d be hanged, cremated, and disposed of in the Pegnitz River. The Western allies would have been in a stronger position and could probably have maintained control of a united Germany rather than letting the East fall under Russia’s sphere of influence. That’d be a scenario in and of itself; what if Germany was never divided? No Berlin Wall, a smaller Iron Curtain, no far-right parties in the Bundestag, etc.

Lee Harvey Oswald is arrested for trying to assassinate Major General Edwin Walker in April 1963. He never assassinates John F. Kennedy, who wins re-election in 1964. He passes the Civil Rights Act (though it might be harder in this timeline because he’s a northerner; Johnson was able to pass it because he convinced his fellow southerners to stop filibustering it), he oversees and deescalates Vietnam, eases relations with the Soviet Union and China, advancing geopolitics by five or even ten years.

The impeachment of Richard Nixon; he resigned because he had lost all support, even from his own party (something that would never happen today). If he had tried to fight the charges instead, he would have been removed from office and subsequently tried in criminal court. Gerald Ford was chosen as Vice President in part because he was seen as an honest politician at the time, in comparison to the outgoing Agnew who was embroiled in his own scandal; when Ford pardoned Nixon, his credibility tanked. If Nixon was found guilty by Congress, I don’t think Ford would have pardoned him (well, he probably still would have because Republicans are the party of corruption, but a man can dream, can’t he?) This would have finally set the concrete precedent that the president is not above the law, that they can and will face consequences for their actions.

The assassination of Ronald Reagan; what if John Hinckley Jr. had succeeded in killing Reagan in March 1981? Full offense to any and all conservative pieces of shit reading this, but the world would be an infinitely better place. No Reagan means no Iran-Contra Affair and no Reaganomics (no trickle down), which means no tax cuts for the super-wealthy and no trillion dollar monopolies. There would still be a middle class, we’d have higher wages and more benefits, we’d have universal healthcare like every single other developed nation on the planet! In 1980, George H.W. Bush called Reagan’s policies “voodoo economics” because he knew they wouldn’t work; he only got on board after he started cashing his checks. If he became president in ‘81 rather than ‘89, he wouldn’t have continued those policies (he was more concerned with the foreign than the domestic agenda). No Reagan means no AIDS crisis, or at least a substantially reduced one. No Reagan means no Mujahideen in Afghanistan, so no Taliban, no al-Qaeda, no 9/11, no endless War on Terror in the Middle East, no PATRIOT Act, no Orwellian police state. THIS is the biggest change I can imagine in the last 50 years.

What if Glasnost and Perestroika has succeeded in the Soviet Union? What if the USSR had democratized under Gorbachev’s reforms? The Russia that came out of the collapse was corrupt to the core trying to fill the sudden power vacuum, which is how Putin rose to the top. If Gorbachev’s reforms had succeeded, if the Soviet Union had modernized, if a true multi-party democracy had been established, the world would be a better place. The Iron Curtain would still have fallen because Gorbachev got rid of the Brezhnev Doctrine, meaning Eastern Europe would be free of Soviet influence sooner, the Caucuses and Central Asian republics would have more say in how the country was run, and authoritarianism would be on the decline in Russia.

Al Gore wins the 2000 election; if he had become president, we would never have gone to war with Iraq. Hell, we may even have avoided war with Afghanistan; the Taliban claimed they were willing to extradite Osama bin Laden if we could prove his involvement in 9/11, and I think Gore would have taken them up on the offer. Now there’s no saying they actually would have followed through with it, but it’s always better to try diplomacy first. Even if we DID end up going to war with Afghanistan, it would be shorter and less deadly; fewer civilian casualties, an actual exit strategy, and no power vacuum because we’d never topple their government just to secure oil and military contracts. No Iraq War means no Syrian Civil War, which means no ISIS.

If you’re going through the trouble of researching and writing an alternate history scenario, why one Earth would you would you just fart out the same story we’ve heard a million times before? Give us some obscure changes, something small, something niche that would have a domino effect on World History. Like, what if Austria had won the Austro-Prussian war, and the German Empire didn’t exist? What if the Norman conquest had been repelled by the Celts? What if Margaret Thatcher slipped on wet concrete and bashed her head in on the way to Number 10? There are so many better possibilities to write about than Confederates and Nazis!

#alternate history #alternate history scenario #world war 1 #world war 2 #the great war #us civil war #2000 election #soviet union #ussr #impeachment #assassination #fuck reagan #fuck ronald reagan #fuck republicans #fuck conservatives #authoritarianism #world peace

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joannie95 · 4 years

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Legacy - Part 38

Pairing: Carter!reader x ?????

Summary: Everyone knows Peggy Carter is a force to be reckoned with, who could have guessed her granddaughter would hold the same ferocity, if not more.This story follows y/n Carter’s life as she faces the obstacles life pitches her.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Swearing, mentioned death and Alzheimer. I have done as much research as I can on Alzheimer so I apologize if the information is incorrect

A/N: Thank you to @mo320 for proofreading and helping with the ideas for this chapter and @welldonebeca for reviewing the story, thank you to @writeyourmindaway for making these awesome text dividers im so excited to use them all

A/N: I know Steve and Peggy first meeting isn't until winter soldier but I decided to push it up to match the story

A/N accidentally posted this as part 36 instead of 38. sorry for the confusion

A week has passed since the attack in New York. You were able to fly your grandma back once you knew it was safe and you started to plan Phil's funeral. It took a lot out of you both physically and emotionally, when the day of the funeral finally arrived you woke up feeling numb to the world. When you lost Craig you went through so many emotions but now after losing Phil you didn't know how to feel. You just knew a part of you was missing. You and your grandma got ready for the long day ahead of you, you planned to meet up with the few people who were closest to Phil at the cemetery. In all, it was you, your grandmother, Darcy, Clint, Natasha, Maria, and Nick. You all walked to his gravesite together and planned to say your goodbyes. One by one, everyone spoke up and told stories about Phil: their first encounters together, their best memories, and how he made them a better person. When it was finally your turn, you had thought about what you wanted to say and what you wanted your last words to him to be, but decided it would be best to just say what Phil meant to you.

"For as long as I can remember Phil Coulson has been my rock. He has always been there for me, to support me even with my most idiotic ideas. He wasn't afraid to tell me when I was being an idiot, but he was always one of the first to defend me when I was being told the same by someone else. He wasn't afraid to put his job on the line if it meant standing up for me and my insane ideas. I'm so grateful-." You stopped for a second when you felt tears running down your face but decided to continue. "I'm so grateful that I was able to have someone as amazing as him in my life but I'm even more grateful that he was like a father to me and that he saw me as his daughter." You looked down as his casket was being lowered. "I'll always love you dad."

His casket was buried and you all said your final goodbye before parting ways, leaving you to glance back at his gravestone with a sad smile on your face and fresh tears on your cheeks. Here lies Philip J. Coulson July 8, 1964 - May 4, 2012, The man with the plan. Beloved son, friend, and father.

In the past year, you'd noticed your grandmother's mental and physical health deteriorating. While living together in London you were able to help her 24/7 but now that you were back in New York working at S.H.I.E.L.D that was no longer the case. After discussing it in length you both came to the agreement to move her into a retirement home. It wasn't the easiest decision, you felt ashamed that you couldn't care for her, but she reassured you that she understood.

You finished unpacking the last of her items into her new room when you decided to sit and talk for a while.

"So talk to me dear, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay I guess. Everything is finally starting to hit me. Phil's gone, Tony and I are surprisingly in a better place and Steve Rogers is back which is absolutely insane by the way." You placed a hand on top of hers. "He's really nice, all the stories are nothing compared to the real thing."

She smiled and noticed a slight twinkle in your eye, one she hadn't seen since you spoke about Craig. "I'm glad you like him, knowing him made me a better person and I hope he does the same for you."

"I’m sure he'd love to be able to talk to you, I can ask him if you'd like."

"No that's alright dear, things are probably a little difficult for him at the moment. I'll give him some time and whenever he's ready to talk I'll be here."

A few weeks went by and everything seemed to go back to as normal as it could. You were working in your lab trying to modify one of Natasha's weapons when your AI notified you that someone was arriving. "Miss Carter, you have a visitor."

"Thank you Albert, let them in please."

You looked and saw Steve walking through the door. "Oh, H-hi." You internally scold yourself when you hear the nerves in your voice.

"Hi." He looked at you sheepishly when he noticed the items on your table. "I'm sorry I hope I'm not interrupting."

You gave him a kind smile.

"You're not, I just thought I'd modify some weapons for agent Romanoff. Is there something you needed?" You tried keeping your voice steady.

"Yes. Actually, I was hoping I could meet up with Peggy soon. I think I'm ready to see her again if that's alright with you."

He seemed nervous asking, almost as if there was a chance you'd say no.

"Of course that's alright, she's really excited to see you."

"Really?"

"Absolutely, she wanted to reach out but she thought it'd be best to wait until you were ready. Does this weekend work for you?"

"Yes, absolutely. Thank you." He looked down at his feet before speaking up again. "I should get going then, I'll see you around."

You spoke up before he had a chance to leave.

"Steve, you should know she's not really herself."

He looked at you and waited for you to continue. You wring your hands together.

"She has Alzheimer’s. Some days, she has moments when she'll forget where she is or even what day it is. I just don't want you to worry if it happens while you're there."

"Oh." He lowers his head and looks worried. "Ok, thank you for telling me."

You write something on a slip of paper and hand it to him.

"This is her address, I'll be there this weekend, so feel free to come by when you're ready." You hand him the paper, your hands slightly touch and you look at each other. You quickly pull back and clear your throat.

He takes the paper and puts it in his pocket. "Alright, so I'll see you around." He walks to the door and looks back and smiles before he walks out.

You lay your head on your hands and let out an exasperated breath. "What are you doing?"

The weekend came by quickly enough and you were waiting with your grandma for Steve to arrive.

"Alright as soon as he gets here I'll head out and give you guys a couple of hours to catch up before coming back."

"Darling I've already told you, you don't have to leave. You can stay, it's alright."

"I know but I'd rather let you two be alone. There's probably a lot you two need to catch up on and I'll just be in the way."

Before she could talk you out of it a nurse knocked on the door and entered the room.

"I'm sorry to bother you both but there's someone at the front desk that's here to visit you."

You thank the nurse as she leaves the room and you turn to your grandma.

"That's him, I'll go get him." You walk up to the front desk and see Steve looking very nervous. "Hi, I'm glad you could make it. Are you alright?"

He hesitated for a second. "I think so, just a little nervous."

"That's alright but there's no need to worry, she's still the same person you remember." You gave him a reassuring smile. "Come on I'll show you to her room." You're about to open the door, you stop and turn to Steve. "Before we go in, if she does have any memory problems the best thing to do is just to go with it. Trust me I know instinct will tell you to correct her but it'll be better for her."

He swallows hard and nods. "Alright."

You quickly change your demeanor from serious to slightly more cheery. "Grandma you have a visitor." You walk in and see her lying in bed looking out her window. She turns and looks at you both with a smile on her face. You walk up to her tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and kiss her cheek. "I'll head out now, call me if you need anything." You say goodbye to Steve and walk out.

Steve's pov

I couldn't help but stare as she walked out of the room. I turned back and saw Peggy in front of me. I never imagined I would see her again, it almost feels like a dream and as soon as I wake up she'll be gone.

"Are you going to stand there all day?"

I chuckled and sat down in a chair next to her bed.

"This doesn't seem real. I'm still trying to convince myself it is."

She grabbed ahold of my hand, looked into my eyes, and gave me a caring smile. "It is real. I've missed you so much Steve."

"I've missed you too Peggy. I'm sorry I didn't come by sooner, I guess I just needed to come to terms with everything." I look down, I feel ashamed for not coming by sooner.

"Please don't apologize, I can't imagine how you must have felt. Waking up and everything you've known is gone. You're allowed to process things in your own time." She places her hand on my cheek.

I try to change the subject before becoming too emotional. I look towards the pictures at her bedside. "You have a beautiful family Peggy." I grab a picture of Peggy with a man who I assume is her husband and a young boy who must be her son.

She looks at him with a sad smile on her face. "Yes, I miss them dearly."

I look up quickly. "I didn't know, I'm sorry I-."

"It's quite alright Steve."

I set the picture down and look at one next to it. She answered my question before I even had a chance to ask.

"That's Y/N and her parents, I believe it was taken a few months before they passed."

"What happened to them."

"That's not something I can tell you. Maybe one day you can ask Y/N and she'll be able to."

I look at the last picture, it's one of Peggy and Y/N. They both look so happy. "She looks just like you."

"The resemblance is uncanny isn't it. We've almost been inseparable ever since she was a baby." She looks so proud talking about her, like a parent bragging about their child's achievements. "After her parents passed we became closer than ever, we took care of each other. I saw myself in her more and more each day." She stops for a second. "I hope you know she is her own person though, she may have gotten my features and mannerisms but she's not me."

I'm getting confused as to why she would say that. "I don't understand."

She chuckles. "I'm no fool Steve, I saw the way you looked at her before she left. I understand that it could be easier for you to view her as something to help you hold on to the past but she isn't me. Maybe you could get to know her and understand she's her own person. You two have more in common than you think." She grabs his hand and looks into his eyes. "I want you to know that it's okay to move on. I had a wonderful life and I want the same for you."

I look at the floor and smile. "Thank you. You should be proud of yourself Peggy."

"Mm. I have lived a life. My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours."

My smile falls. Even after all these years she cares about my life and happiness.

"What is it?"

"For as long as I can remember I just wanted to do what was right. I guess I'm not quite sure what that is anymore. And I thought I could throw myself back in and follow orders, serve. It's just not the same."

She chuckles. "You're always so dramatic. Look, you saved the world. We rather...mucked it up."

"You didn't. Knowing that you helped found SHIELD is half the reason I'm choosing to stay."

She strokes my hand to get my attention. "Hey. The world has changed and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best, and sometimes the best that we can do is to start over." She starts to cough and tries to catch her breath.

I turn to get her some water, when I turn back she has a confused look on her face.

"Peggy."

She suddenly looks at me like she's seeing me for the first time.

"Steve?"

"Yeah."

"You're alive! You...you came, you came back."

This must be what Y/N meant. Now all I can do is go along with it. "Yeah, Peggy."

She starts to cry. "It's been so long. So long."

"Well, I couldn't leave my best girl. Not when she owes me a dance." I turned when I heard a knock on the door.

"Steve you can't be here if my landlady sees you she'll kick me out." She started to panic when she saw the door open.

Y/Ns pov

I was about to knock when I overheard the conversation coming from inside.

"You're alive! You...you came, you came back."

"Yeah, Peggy."

"It's been so long. So long."

I tried to take a second to compose myself. As soon as I walk in there she won't recognize me, it's going to hurt but I need to go with it. I take a deep breath, knock on the door and walk-in. "Peg you know he can't be here. If Miriam sees him she'll kick you out just like she did with Molly for sneaking in her boyfriend." You close the door behind him and walk towards them. "Miriam is doing her rounds so he needs to go now. I'll go distract her, you two say goodbye then go." You look towards Steve and hope he understands what you're doing.

"Of course, thank you miss I really appreciate it."

You smile at them and quickly walkout. Once you're in the hallway you notify a nurse of your grandmother's mental state at the moment. You wait for Steve and will yourself not to break down until you're home.

Legacy Tags:

@agentmarvel13 @1v-kayla @5sos-wdw @a-dancing-hufflepuff @agent-barnes40 @agreatcheesecakestudentstuff @annoylinglyaries @antclottz @avngrsinitiative @bradfordsgreekgod @babypink224221 @captainam-erika-trash @carisi-sonny @caseymcflurry @chook007 @cosmiccomicloverqueen @daniellajocelyn @doctoranon @ecamille-xo @editsbyjenny @ellieababy @eternaleviee @futuremissstark @geeksareunique @gummiwormsandonedirection @henrietteoaks @hermionie-is-my-queen @imahoeforbucky @ineedmorefanfics @isabella-bby @jaemingold @jamessbarnnes @junitorials13 @katykyll @keenmarvellover @klanceiscannon14 @lady-sigyn @littlephoenix-fire @lovemarvelousfics @l0kisbitch @luckyfiction17 @ludwigvonbaethoven @maddie-laufeyson @magnificentsoulecollector @mikariell95 @mistressoftorture @moli1497 @nanajaeminniee @orderoftheflamingflamingos @oxodianaoxo @paintballkid711 @pastelpurplexoox @peteyparkersbabyy @princessizzy36 @shallowshawn @sillydecoy @spodermanpete @starstruckgardenstudentzonk @stuckyandsciencebros @superhero2552 @thatharrypotterfan13 @thatweirdchick147 @the-ducks-umbrella @tienna-laufeyson16 @trustme3-13 @wishiwasanavenger @xalinx @yougottalovefandoms @zaza-jones @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash

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calliecat93 · 4 years

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The time has come at last everyone. After a very rough year and a very tense end to Volume 7, Volume 8 has arrived. I have no idea what to expect this time around except that it’s going to be all out war. I’m scared. You’re scared. We’re all scared. But this is still RWBY, so it can’t get too dark and depressing... can it? Well only one way to find out. I’ve done my post for the opening, but now it’s time to get to the meat. So for the first time this volume, let us begin by reviewing Chapter 1, appropriately titled ‘Divide’.

Overview

We begin with an image of a young woman. A woman who seems to be down on her luck, wearing tattered clothes and scrubbing at the floor by hand. It then cuts to Cinder, clawing at Neo’s chair in the same manor as she directs Neo towards the Whale Grimm. The two enter, revealing the Whale to essentially be a large battleship and waiting in her throne is Salem. Cinder presents the Relic of Knowledge, though she claims the credit for herself which does not amuse Neo. Tyrian is also there, who mocks her for getting outwitted by a bunch of kids to begin with. Salem asks about Neo, who Cinder merely calls a ‘useful asset’.

Emerald, Mercury, and Hazel are also there and with some new duds! Emerald is elated to see Cinder alive, but the Fall Maiden simply silences her. When Tyrian again mocks her for spending her time fixing past mistakes, Cinder is determined to track down Penny and get the Winter Maiden powers. Salem, however, makes it clear that she is not to do s. After all while Cinder is no pawn, she is NOT a player. She is playing Salem’s game, not her own. Cinder concedes, saying that without Salem, she is nothing.

We cut to the slums, where Oscar has taken refuse. But he isn’t alone for long as he is picked up by Ruby, Weiss, and Maria. Oscar feels guilty for trying to talk to Ironwood and how he made all the wrong choices, but Ruby comforts him, saying that all tried to do what was best. The heroes have taken refuge wit the Happy Huntresses, who are running their own operations from within an abandoned bar. The others are relieved that Oscar is okay, but they sadly still don’t know about Qrow. When asked how he got to the slums, Oscar simply says it was a long story, opting to not reveal Ozpin’s return until he has finished talking to him.

Joanna goes to the group, now fully expecting them to work to help Mantle. The plan? Due to the Grimm numbers and the heat being gone, the plan is to take the refuges into the crater below Atlas. It’s dangerous, but it is warm and will allow a singular location where everyone can be watched over safely. Weiss makes a remark about not ever being able to sleep again, a clear humorous quip, but Joanna makes it clear that it’s either work, or be branded as baggage. Yang agrees, saying that they need to help with Mantle. Ruby, however, argues that they need to warn the other kingdoms. Pietro confirms that while not finished, Amity did have significant process made to it. However it needs the green-light from a terminal and aside from the one in Ironwood’s office, the only other one is in the military compound.

Yang, seeing Amity as a lost cause and that not being guaranteed to get help, sticks to her plan. Ruby argues however that Salem is going to attack the other kingdoms once she’s done with Atlas and thus, all fo Remnant is in danger. At this point, Yang addresses that despite following her lead at the start, she feels that Ruby’s lead has... well, gone badly. In other words, she feels that Ruby has failed in her duty. Ruby is clearly hurt by this and Yang starts to explain further, but Ren interrupts, saying that helping Mantle is something that they can do now. Nora however sides with Ruby regarding the larger picture.

With the tension up, Jaune steps in. He suggests that they can simply divide up and do both. Yang and her group assist Mantle, Ruby and her group go and get Amity. Ruby disagrees as this is causing the divide that Salem wants, but Oscar says that working separately doesn’t mean that they are against each other. Penny, who has been quiet and to herself to this point, suggests that she simply give Salem the Relic. But no one believes that Salem will keep her word about backing down and all agree against this.

Thus, the heroes split up. Ruby has Weiss and Blake of course, but to Jaune and Ren’s surprise, Nora decides to also go with them. Penny also goes despite the risk to help the group bypass security. Yang agrees to it, but she makes to leave to do, as she says, what she can. A comment that clearly strikes Blake. Before she goes though, Pietro gives her the keys to the pharmacy so that they can get some of the equipment he had been developing for them. Thus we have Yang, Jaune, Ren, and Oscar in Mantle, while Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Penny, and Nora plan to get up to Atlas.

Ruby is still upset by the split up, but Blake tries to assure her that they are still united. Maria can bring bring Pietro to Amity once it’s retrieved and Weiss has an idea on how they can get to the kingdom. Before she can reveal it however, Penny’s scroll goes off. It’s Ironwood. he asks Penny to come back, claiming that he’s worried for her safety and he needs her for Atlas’ sake. Ruby takes the Scroll, refusing any cooperation unless Ironwood changes his mind and helps Mantle. Ironwood blasts at her for still caring about Mantle when Salem is outside Atlas’ doorstep and a threat to all of Remnant. Whatever happens, he says it will be on Ruby’s hands. Ruby hugs a clearly shaken Penny, but her expression conveys that the general’s words hurt her as well.

Back in Atlas, the remaining Ace-Ops are in a room with Clover’s corpse. Ironwood is watching form another as Winter is receiving treatment for her injuries. She’s given what looks like cybernetic armor pieces, and Ironwood himself has replaced his singed arm with a new cybernetic. He is informed of the prisoners being interrogated and thanks Winter for all she did, but is still tense due to the Grimm horde. When Winter asks what he’s going to do, Councilman Sleet and Councilwoman Camilla enter, demanding to know what Ironwood is doing with his recent actions. Ironwood says that he’s going to do what he has to... no matter the cost. As such, eh steps out and coldly shoots Sleet to death, horrifying not only Camilla, but the Ace-Ops and Winter. Harriet steps out and looks at Winter, but despite their shock, both more or less resign to the fact of this being necessary.

Back at the Whale, Salem has some kind of pod that she opens up. She has questions for the Relic, but first she needs the one who can reveal to her how it works. She holds the Lamp before some kind of slobbering, eyeless Grimm. Her orders? For it to find and bring Ozpin to her, bringing the first chapter of the volume to a close.

Review

Holy crap people... I was expecting tension, but.... damn guys...

Okay, we’ll start with the villains. So... that first scene, huh? Well after years of waiting for it, it looks like we may finally be getting some Cinder focus/backstory. We’ve been waiting a long time, huh? Her scene here really shows a lot. Cinder downplays Neo’s contributions, taking the credit for herself. She cruelly tells Emerald to be quiet, despite having not seen the girl in who knows how long. She still wants the Maiden powers, despite how she has continuously failed not counting the Fall Maiden. The usual smugness and power-hunger that we expect from Cinder is in full force here.

Yet we also have Salem’s words to her. Salem makes it clear that Cinder is a mere chess piece. Which isn’t what Cinder wants. She wants to the the chessmaster. She wants to do what she wants. She is constantly baffled by Salem’s choices. Yet, she continues to submit to the wicked witch. Considering she’s evil Cinderella, it really speaks a lot about Cinder’s mindset. She wants power. She wants control. But she continues to obey someone else in hopes that it gets her what she wants. These two mindsets can’t co-exist forever. I’m not convinced at all of Cinder being redeemed, she’s done far too many cruel things imo. But I do think that by this end of this volume, she’s going to decide what she wants for herself, and whatever it is the path to it likely won’t be pretty especially with how Neo is clearly getting fed up.

So now let’s do Oscar. I... do not like how they did him reuniting with the group. It’s another ‘Oscar is in trouble... oops! No he isn’t!’ psyche out and it’s getting real old. Especially since there’s zero build-up to it. Ruby and the others just... find him. Maybe he called them? I don’t know, there’s no clear indication. But after how dramatic the end of Volume 7 was, having him just reunite with the gang again feels very anti-climactic. I can only assume that they realized that with so much going on, they needed to get it out of the way and do it early, especially with him begin Salem’s target. But I don’t think it was handled the best it could have been.

But we do have Oscar deciding to keep Open’s return a secret. The reason being that he hasn’t finished talking to him yet. Yeah, Oscar’s clearly not 100% okay with what happened prior and wants everything set straight first before he reveals anything. But at the same time... this is Oscar keeping a secret back form the others. And secret keeping is not only what got everyone angry at Oz, but contributed to the current situation. It just... doesn’t come off as the best move to make in this situation. Then again, we don’t know if the heroes are in a forgiving mood, so... it’s hard for me to not understand his reasonings, at least. But it’s gonna have to come out sooner or later, especially since Oscar is short on time.

Then we have the conflict between the heroes. The theme of the volume seems to be division, at least so far. We have Ren and Nora still in conflict. Ren wants to be able to help now, Nora wants to save everyone in Mantle. Volume 7 set it up, and it seems that this one is going to push it even mroe. But then we have Ruby and Yang. While they don’t start yelling, ti is very clear that they are at odds. Same deal, Yang wants to do what can be done now as mantle is in danger. Ruby is concerned about Remnant and the lives of the world and wants to warn the kingdoms. Bit then we have Yang bringing up how things have gone downhill under Ruby’s lead. To be fair, she seems guilty for it and she does try to further explain before Ren interrupts her. But, in essence, it is her saying that she doesn’t trust Ruby’s lead. After putting her faith in her sister fully in V5, the recent events has Yang doubtful.

Not gonna lie... I have been wanting this for a long time. V7 had a lot of hints that Yang in particular was not on the same page as Ruby. She was the one who questioned her lying to Ironwood. It was her who proposed the plan to Blake about revealing Amity to Robyn, also expressing her doubts about Ruby’s choices there. But despite it, she still followed her. But now, with Ironwood’s descent, Yang’s faith is shaken. IDT it’s gone, but it is rocky. I’ve been critical of Yang and have had issues with her decisions, the Amity reveal to Robyn especially. However... I can’t fault her either. She has the right intentions, and her logic about Mantle isn’t wrong. There are people in danger right now. They have the ability to help those people. Saving the lives in immediate danger is important and is their job as Huntresses. I don’t blame Yang at all in her decision and her sticking to it despite Ruby disagreeing.

But I don’t think that Ruby is wrong either. She is right about how Salem will go against the rest of the world as soon as Atlas has fallen. Countless lives are in danger on a global scale. Vacuo, Mistral, Vale, Menagerie, Patch, every character that we have ever known will be at risk unless they are warned. Amity is the best ticket to doing so. Ruby’s drive has always been to save everyone. The Happy Huntresses have the situation under control, so why not focus on the larger picture? It’s the most stressed I think we’ve ever seen Ruby and it’s certainly the first time we’ve seen her upset at Yang like this. There’s just... no good options really. Either way, someone suffers. War is Hell.

There’s also the fact that as the leader, whether it was directly her fault or not, the heroes failure does rest on her shoulders. She is the leader, that is her burden. it is the burden that she accepted. She was the one who made the call to hide Salem’s immortality to Ironwood. It was her who alerted everyone about the martial law, officially marking the heroes as enemies of Atlas. Now is it her fault? Not fully. Ironwood’s choices are not her fault, but one can argue that had she just told Ironwood the truth upfront, it may not have happened. Ironwood guilts her over this, claiming that whatever happens will be her fault. Now we all know that's bullshit and Ironwood is even more to blame... but the question is if Ruby knows that. Judging her expressions... I’m thinking it’s gonna haunt her.

Then we have Penny. Oh gosh Penny. The poor girl just seems so utterly broken. She’s quiet, to herself, and whenever she does talk it’s in a pained whisper. The girl got framed for murder, and then watched an old woman die and be given her powers. She clearly is at a loss of what to do. She’s ready to sacrifice herself to Salem to save everyone, that is how much n despair this girl is. Then we have Ironwood try88ing to manipulate her into returning to his side. He needs her for Atlas’ safety. he’s concerned for her. It’s all lies, but Penny is concerned about Atlas. She doesn’t want to fight like this. She’s conflicted onw hat to do with this divide. The poor girl just... needs a hug. A lot of them.

Then we have Ironwood. Oh God... Ironwood. I know that he had snapped, but for him to shoot Sleet like he did? With no emotion. In just one motion, he killed a man dead. Someone whose only crime was wanting answers for Ironwood’s actions. The council is in no position of power, they were no threat. Ironwood did it simply because he doesn’t want to deal with them anymore as he said at the end of V7. He’s going to do whatever he deems appropriate to protect Atlas. When all he’s doing is letting fear control him and further seal Atlas’ fate as dead. Like I said in the V7 reviews, Ironwood is at his point of no return. So far, he’s only cementing that position further. His fall was tragic, but now all that remains is a heartless soldier.

We also see the aftermath of Clover’s death and Winter’s injuries. It’s not much, but it tells us a lot. The Ace-Ops leader is dead. No one is happy about it, but especially not Marrow and Harriet. Marrow by far expresses the most sadness in his expression. God I am still hoping that he comes ot his senses. But then there’s Harriet. She is angry. She briefly growls even. She already feels betrayed by RWBY, now in her mind her leader was killed by Qrow. It’s only going to add fuel to the fire with her wanting to take them down. Then we have Winter. She’s in bad shape. She seems to be benched for now, but IDK if that’s gonna last. But to say I’m worried is an understatement. Especially with her noticeable horror at Ironwood killing Sleet. She internalizes it as she has been, but can she continue to do so as Ironwood continues to descent into madness? I’m really hoping not...

Finally, the end scene. So yeah... Salem is targeting Oscar. So it looks like Salem knows what the Relics can do, but she doesn’t know how to make them work. Makes sense, only Ozpin knew. Remember, Oscar found out through the mind-link and told the heroes. Plus of course Salem would want Oscar. After all, she hasn’t seen her former husband in quiet a long time, has she? And we know fully well that she’s going to rub his demise in his face. Oscar is not in for a fun time this volume... then again, is anyone?

There’s a clear seriousness here. Moreso than any volume. Weiss’ quit about sleeping is very quickly shot down. The stakes are at the highest they’ve ever been. It is outright war now. The heroes are on their own. Mantle is in a desperate situation. Ironwood is barley holding out against Salem’s invasion. People who should be allies are divided to the point of no return. While we know from some sneak peaks that the volume won’t be devoid of humor/levity, it’s clearly not going to be the light-hearted fun that we’ve had in the past. Not even Ruby and Penny, two of the most pure-hearted characters in the show, display any of those usual traits. This might as well be the equivalent of Order of the Phoenix, where the kids can only rely on themselves and where everting has gone to Hell. That ended on a bittersweet note and only got darker from there. RWBY works in a similar ‘grow up with the audience’ approach as Harry Potter, so... yeah... prepare yourselves folks. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Chapter Two Predictions

I think we’ll be checking in on Qrow and Robyn. Thus we’ll be seeing the interrogations go down (which we saw footage of in the trailer). We’ll also likely see Jaques and Watts. IDK i Ironwood will go to Qrow directly or any of the other Ace-Ops, but it won’t be pretty. Qrow is likely still feeling guilty for what happened, but I absolutely believe that if Ironwood confronts him, he’s going to give him the verbal lashing that he deserves. I’m not when they'll plot a prison break, but I assume it’ll happen sooner or later.

As for the heroes... it’s hard to say. My guess is we’ll be following mainly Team JYRO as they get the equipment from Pietro’s lab. So we might see that clip they showed at SDCC as well as the secret clip of them leading civilians tot he crater from a few weeks back. Which would also mean first fight scene of the volume, yay! We might see RWBNP as well, but I’m not sure. Maybe some villain stuff as well, like maybe we’ll get more hints about Cinder or something minor. Either way, the tension I think will continue forward.

Chapter Stats

Favorite Character: Cinder Fall Favorite Moment: The opening villain scene Least Favorite Moment: Oscar retrieval due to the anti-climax after V7 Favorite Voice Actor: Jen Taylor (Salem) Favorite Animation: The Blind Grimm Rating: 9/10

Final Thoughts

This was an excellent volume opener. The stakes are established right off the bat, along with the tension and character conflicts. This was so good that I didn’t even realize that there wasn’t a fight scene, the first time since Volume 5. Which honestly, we didn’t need one. They had more than enough to kick this volume off. This promises to be a very dark, very intense volume. I am terrified for whatever is coming, but like Hell am I missing it. An excellent start~!

#rwby #rwby8 #rwby spoilers #rwby reviews #rwby musings #callie reviews

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noragami-ru-manga · 4 years

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Memory & memories in Noragami. Part 1

What are the works of fiction that get stuck in our minds and souls, making us spend hours thinking over a single line a character said that one time, look up information on a foreign culture, write long-ass meta posts in thematic communities? That’s right, the ones that have something to tell us.

Noragami has a lot of themes that can interest readers of all sorts: child abuse and its consequences, free will and the ability to choose your own path, ideas on what true human nature is. However, in my opinion, the central theme of the entire series has been the that of memory and memories, the one that found its way into every main character’s storyline. Yato wants to stay in the memories of the living because the alternatives are to disappear or to be an eternal slave to his father. Hiyori doesn’t want to lose her memories of the Far shore, which effectively prevents her from living a normal human life. For Yukine and other shinki the memories of their human lives are a direct threat to their very existence, and right now the boy is too far gone to turn back. The importance of this theme to the series’ narrative and my personal interest resulted in this analysis of different aspects of Noragami that relate to memory and memories. It’s a huge theme, so instead of writing down a biiig longpost I’ll divide it into several smaller ones. This is Part 1. Memories and gods’ reincarnation.

The relation between reincarnation and memories can be examined in two different yet intertwined directions: the mechanics of rebirth, which has to do with the believers’ memories, and its aftermath, i.e. the loss of god’s own memories.

We all know how gods are able to reincarnate: they simply need people to remember them. Their names play a huge part in it, since those are what give humans something their memory can latch on. After all, believers don’t usually become friends with gods and shinki, like Hiyori does; they pray to gods knowing only their names and what they do. Of course, gods also have images of them, but those mostly reflect people’s ideas of what a god should look like based on their functions, and they have nothing in common with the gods’ real appearance (in Noragami). A name in its usual meaning isn’t a necessary requirement either: Kofuku goes by binbougami, or god of poverty, outside of her immediate circle of friends, with her “profession” substituting a given name.

A god who has a name (a personal one or, like Kofuku, something that stands in for it) can be reborn as long as there are living humans who remember them, because it means that the god is needed, that their existence has a meaning to it. I think that this dependency on humans’ memories is the reason why gods don’t retain their own memories after rebirth.

“Person” here doesn’t refer to a god’s individual personality traits, but to their so-to-speak material form – the idea that there’s someone out there who can help you solve your problems materializes in an entity shaped like a human. Therefore a reborn god shouldn’t have any memories, because the reincarnation isn’t their choice, but a response to people’s needs. Except humans don’t and can’t possibly know anything about a god’s personal history, so they can do nothing to help him or her retain their memories. Besides, it’s not like a god needs to have a personality, goals and ambitions; all they need to do is fulfill their role, do their job. And yet, while they don’t have any memories, newly reborn gods still have some sort of an instinct that lies in the core of their character.

Now, even though I’ve just said that gods shouldn’t have any memories after reincarnation, is that really the case?

Two scenes from the manga gave me an idea that, perhaps, gods can remember at least their names – the ones that they are commonly known by among humans and contributed to their reincarnation the most.

Neither Bishamon nor Ebisu seem to remember their guideposts’ names after being reborn, but provide their own names instead. Keep in mind though, that neither scene is corroborative evidence that this is canon. Bishamon’s replacement was only Kazuma’s premonition that (as of now) hasn’t come true. Kazuma has been and will keep doing anything to preserve the current Bishamon; he will kill and betray as many times as needed. It’s only natural that Veena’s rebirth and the loss of her memories would be his worst nightmare. As for Ebisu’s case, everything’s not that simple either. After his execution in chapter 35 he reappeared at his Miho shrine – compare the image of Ebisu above with the IRL picture of the shrine’s torii:

Miho Jinja is one of the largest Ebisu shrines. It may be that, in Noragami universe, it’s his main shrine where he usually reincarnates. When he was hiring a new bunch of noras in chapter 73, he did that at his Miho shrine, too.

And even if Ebisu reincarnates at a different shrine each time, Iwami is unlikely to be there, too, since he’s probably in Takamagahara. It means that Ebisu could have learnt his name from his other shinki that stay at the shrine before meeting his guidepost. Still, the fact that the authors bothered to include these scenes in the manga could mean that, theoretically, gods can remember their names after reincarnation. It’s not that far-fetched considering the god’s dependency on humans’ memories. People may not be able to preserve the god’s own memories, but at least they can give them their names back.

Another interesting thing about reincarnated gods was shown (though not really expanded upon) in chapter 86. In that chapter we’ve learnt that various incarnations of Ebisu have a habit of burying a box with his complaints and fears in the exact same spot, and every new Ebisu finds it sooner or later.

The late Ebisu says that all of his incarnations have been discovering this box whenever they wanted to hide or bury something and would subconsciously choose this place. This time wasn’t an exception: mini-Ebi found the box when he needed to bury his seahorse Takemika. The late Ebisu used this peculiarity of his to his advantage, burying a USB-card with information on the sorcerer alongside all the other stuff in the box before going off to Yomi. He gambled on the next Ebisu needing to hide something and finding the box, and didn’t lose (he is a god of fortune, you know).

By the way, the place where Ebisu keeps hiding the box is, again, his Miho shrine, where he reappeared after being slain and where he was hiring noras when Kunimi came into his service.

Why does every Ebisu keep coming to this spot to hide things? When Takemika died, Ebi didn’t seem to have some sort of realization that he needed to come to this particular place. He probably didn’t want to dig a grave in Takamagahara, so he used one of his biggest shrine (or maybe his main shrine) to come down to Nakatsukuni and bury his pet there. Yet somehow he ended up choosing to do that under the same tree that all those other Ebisus have been spotting, too.

Does it mean there are still things left to discover about gods’ reincarnation? Is Ebisu unconsciously drawn to the shrine that seems to be his starting point after each rebirth? As of now, we don’t know.

P.s. I keep thinking about a sentence I wrote earlier, that gods lose their memories because their believers don’t know them personally. Hiyori knows Yato, they have lots of memories together. Can this mean that if Yato dies and then reincarnates thanks to Hiyori and not Father, he will be able to retain at least the memories that are tied to her?

#noragami #noragami manga #ebisu #bishamon #theories #I thought I would be writing about the importance of memories but ended up doing an anlysis of the lore #maybe next time #noragami meta

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