#but i literally dont think that IS my only issue. i think theres something else but i dont know what

[nashvillethotchicken]

Thinking about Lestat seeing Louis’s eating patterns as a waste of his gift/himself while Armand gives Louis food that he literally can not enjoy or digest just so he has something on his stomach

[puppyeared]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

[dualitysdownfall]

i have a tendency to reblog posts about promoting one's own art and/or the importance of reblogging art, onto my art blog, as a sort of "wink wink nudge nudge i do have followers on this blog don't i" kind of thing

but whenever i do that, it feels as if people pay more attention to that than to my art

i know that's not literally true, i'm sure the note count does not actually rival or surpass a new art post, it only feels like a note spike because that blog posts so infrequently and therefore its activity is usually flat line, and reblogging the post made there Be Something There For People To Interact with

i guess it irks me anyway because i reblog it with the intent of "hey, look at the message of this post and where it is right now, mind giving my blog a scroll and maybe hitting a couple of green buttons" but it doesnt really work that way because people just see it in their dash. i constantly be reblogging shit with little if any awareness of which person i follow that i'm getting it from.

i just wish there was a way to be like, "hey, please give my art some attention, i work hard on this shit and it feels like there's at most about a classroom's worth--if that!--of people who care enough to show it to folks" without literally just being the annoying pushy attention-seeking bitch on the dashboard that's like "just fucking reblog my shit"

[dr-spectre]

would Agent 4/Parallel Canon technically fit into the 'mistaken for being brainwashed when it's really something else splatoon characters' club? I saw a post collaging all of Agent 4 struggles and being brainwashed was one of them... even though Parallel Canon is just a program based on Agent 4...

Hmm.... honestly... no?

I've been really happy with the treatment of Parallel Canon in the Splatoon community!! Its been such a breath of fresh air my goddddd!!!!

It's like people who have some resemblance of a brain look at Parallel Canon and go "oh it's just clones of Agent 4." People who say it's just Agent 4 but brainwashed are actually just factually wrong LMAO! They didn't play Side Order at all. The developers outright stated in an interview, "It's clones of Agent 4's data that Overlorder collected."

The only two characters in the club are Hypno Callie and Marina Agitando.

Sanitized Agent 3 I don't have the BIGGESTTTT issue with people calling them "brainwashed" because the goop that got onto their head literally takes away "life's energies" and makes the victim submit to Tartar's will. That's just what I know about Sanitized ink but correct me if I'm wrong PLEASE!!! (My personal belief is that Agent 3 was knocked unconscious from saving Eight and Captain Cuttlefish, and Tartar took over their body via the ink while they were asleep.)

I have issue with Marina Agitando being called a "brainwashed Marina" because it's so fucking obvious that Marina got knocked unconscious and possessed by Overlorder.

GUYS ITS JUST FUCKING POSSESSION ALRIGHT?!?! ITS NOT BRAINWASHING!! MARINA IS HONK SHOO HONK SHOO MIMIMIMI!!! HER SONG IS LITERALLY CALLED UNCONSCIENCE!!!! USE YOUR BRAIN!! GOD!!!! ENOUGH!!! DON'T SAY SHE WAS HYPNOTISED EITHER!!! THERES NO EVIDENCE THAT PROVES THAT!! STOP LUMPING HER TOGETHER WITH HYPNO CALLIE AND CALLING IT THE SAME AFFLICTION!!!!! IT DAMAGES BOTH OF THEIR ARCS!!!!!

Anyhow... Hypno Callie. Here we go again...

I think what really pisses me off is that Nintendo LOVESSSS to push the "she was kidnapped and brainwashed" version of events and I find it to be not only insulting, disgusting and vile, but also incredibly damaging as well. People take Nintendo's word as fact and a holy grail, and those people include the loudest voices in the community as well as Inkipedia and it ultimately ruins Callie's arc. They love to just ruin an interesting storyline for Callie and make her this abused victim for no fucking reason other than to make Octavio more evil and not explore depth at all.

I hate how it's been run deep into a lot of people's heads and it's just... it makes me feel like a psycho sometimes... I hate feeling like I'm in the wrong... I hate how my stance keeps getting pushed down by the loudest voices...

I hate how when I say "Callie wasn't kidnapped" I get countered with "Nintendo said she was. Plus they didn't say she WASN'T kidnapped. Callie heard out the Octarians but maybe Octavio hypnoshaded her immediately after and then kidnapped her." Ugh... Does Callie ever say she was kidnapped? Marie does, but from her stance she would think so from her limited knowledge. Does Callie ever fucking state herself "I got kidnapped"? NO!!!! Until I hear her say that I refuse to believe she got kidnapped and I will continue to preach that she left with the Octarians WILLINGLY!!! AND THEN SHE GOT HYPNOTISED!!!

I dont have the energy to rant anymore man. I just can't do it. I've said this over and over again.... I hope one day things will change... but until then, I'll keep being Callie's strongest solider. I am forever cursed.

By this son of a bitch....

[nerves-nebula]

i 100% dont think its happening like this but i like to imagine slash during Uno was like "Ah! Leo! The daddy's boy fuckface who hurts raph and everyone else too but im mostly mad about Raph lbr! And theres Mikey, the one who likes always getting his way and having fun at everyone else's expenses and also a fucking Brat! And Donnie!"

....

"Im worried about this kid actually. Uh. Hm."

It’s funnier than that imo

I’ve said before that Donnie and Raph have a weird relationship where they don’t have a lot of one on one drama or connection. I imagine them playing video games together or sitting in silence. In some ways they trust each other more with serious stuff than either of them trust leo or Mikey. but they aren’t as provocative towards each other as Mikey or leo are to everyone.

They don’t bother each other the ways Mikey and leo bother them either, they’re kind of similar types of Tired Autistic Quiet Guy.

They’re both also kind of second place in a way. Donnie’s the second to last in splinters eyes, making him functionally irrelevant if it weren’t for his skill with technology. While it’s probably better to not be in last place, at least Mikey has obtained a certain level of “my dad has given up on me” freedom that Donnie doesnt. He’s ignored but not so ignored that he’s allowed to fuck up for long. Donnie is very much still afraid of losing the little respect his dad gives him.

And Raph is second to first place, making him a backup kid who needs to maintain all the abilities of the favorite but is only really paid attention to if something happens to Leo.

They’re both also in this weird liminal space of being responsible for crucial things in the house (hygiene, cooking, running water, fixing electronics) and being ignored. but neither of them spend much one on one time together until they all move out, because they’re each too busy and irritated and tired.

So really it’s just that Raph doesn’t talk about Donnie as much when venting to his pet. Therefore, Slash literally doesn’t think about donnie. like at all. He doesn’t necessarily like him but he doesn’t dislike him either. Donnie is basically set dressing in his mind lmao.

He doesn’t like what he’s heard about Mikey and Leo making Raphs life harder but he looks at Donnie and just kind of shrugs. If he was pressed he could probably say something about Donnie just letting all this terrible stuff happen to Raph but that’s an issue he has with everyone.

[chaifootsteps]

whenever i think of ralph, i think of that tweet where vivs like, "whos also an sa survivor," when referring to him being a major presence behind episode 4, which people understandably had issues with. sure, theres that tweet where he said that he hasnt personally been sexually assaulted, but he tweeted that around 2020 or 2021. something couldve happened to him since then; we dont really know.

so to me, either,

a) viv is lying, or, arguably worse,

b) viv isnt lying, and shes telling the truth, which means shes using someone else's real world trauma of them being sexually assaulted as a shield against critique of the only episode of hazbin hotel that tries to take sexual assault seriously.

and speaking as someone who was raped and uses CNC to cope-, if my boss used what happened to me as an uno reserve card against sexual assault victims critiquing their show, then they probably wouldnt be my boss anymore. why he may be letting her use that as a defense (if it's true), i have no idea! but i guess if i was getting paid 1000 bucks a week, i'd let it slide too :/

Yeah, no matter what the case was and no matter how you slice it, it was an incredibly gross thing of Viv to do. Raph might be trying to literally turn himself into Angel Dust, but no one should ever forget that Viv did this, and did it very publicly.

[etherealkissed88]

i asked you something and you not only were mean, but you are also making fun of me on twitter. i felt so embarrased that i had to delete my account. you made me feel so bad. i did nothing to you. you had no reason to be so mean. english is not my first lenguage so i also have trouble communicating, i understand half of what you post here. karma will hit you so hard.

lets quote what i said “no i dont believe they are possible 🥰 which is why i have a whole page dedicated to manifesting stuff 😍”

this isnt mean, this is sarcasm. you communicate very well actually but heres the thing: i looked at ur account and you repost a lot of loa content. if you read all those posts especially the ones about desired appearance which is what you were asking about, it doesnt make sense for you to ask me “do you believe its actually possible to manifest a desired appearance.”

and do not use your language barrier as an excuse to make me feel bad because i rly dont. if you were so bad at communitcating, you wouldn’t be able to communicate to me both this time and the previous time, plus y would u read and repost loa content if u had an issue w language? i know you understand loa but when ppl keep searching and searching for outside answers and validation, it doesnt get them anywhere. believe me - ive “coached” ppl who repeatedly asked me the same questions over and over again despite my whole account and posts being right there. they still struggle because they only ask questions and never apply.

the same fingers you used to type the question, you could have used those same fingers to scroll thro my page like you did with the other content creators. i get it if you are new to loa (even tho you could have read the content that was already there and even tho u already reposted content answering ur own question) but as someone who creates loa content everyday, its disrespectful from my point of view that i work hard for these posts and ppl dont even look at it and instead ask the most limiting questions ever. its almost like “why would i waste my time w these posts”. if you dont understand this, its bc you arent someone who gets 20 repetitive asks everyday meanwhile their answers being right on my page. it can be stressful and so annoying.

now back to my original answer: “no i dont believe they are possible 🥰 which is why i have a whole page dedicated to manifesting stuff 😍”. if u think this was mean, its bc you knew the answer was yes, it is possible. why else would i have a page dedicated to manifesting if it wasnt possible to “actually manifest a desired appearance”. my answer simply guided you to your own answer and to search my page if you still had (better) questions. what i said was literally not mean😭 and if you still believe so then thats fine bc its never that big of a deal. and i wasnt making fun of u on twitter, i simply said the exact thing i originally answered you with💀

idk if ur a beginner in the law or not but either way, you should know that anything is possible w the law. if u didnt know that, then now you know (and ik you know based on ur reaction to my original answer). and karma isnt real so it will not “hit me hard”🥶

im sorry if you rly have a language barrier issue but from my pov, that was the best, most appropiate reply i could have given. even other loa content creators can agree bc they know how ppl can get in their asks inbox. reread this whole thing if theres still an issue.

and dw u can just make another account like you did just now🤭

[freakinator]

I see a lot of Will Wood songs as Red-coded (and half of it is because I just think C!Red would like that music) so I'm very curious on why you think a lot of Will Wood songs are Kab-coded especially Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!

okay so i dont actually listen to will wood that much so im just gonna list the songs that i Have listened to

warning this is really long like Really long, i may have forgotten stuff from past streams, i talk about several things such as mental illness in a symbolic sense rather than directly engaging with the message, and theres a bit of surface-level buddhism there as well

part 1 cause i exceeded the image limit lol

starting off with Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!

aside from the running theme of psychology which kab is Very fond of, kab has a recurring problem of doing something objectionable only to have her not remember it the next day whether genuinely (hashtag adhd) or as a manipulation tactic (deliberately acting as though she doesnt remember parts of her conversations with zam one moment only to mock him for it the next) she also has a recurring problem of refusing to take the blame and directing it to something or someone else (mainly the accuser) for things she doesnt feel guilty doing that are objectively her fault (such as deliberately killing planet)

she had (possibly still has, still need to see what she does after the zam stream today) a desire for getting worse (being evil is not the same thing as getting worse btw, i would say before this stream going evil Was kab getting worse but after the stream today going evil is actually her getting better. i suppose i define getting worse as "doubling down" rather than any conventional sense of the word) which is something that she wanted to drag zam down with her as well after the consequences streams before she accepted the fact that she cares about him with her thoughts regarding him fitting the lyrics on these parts the desire to get worse originates from her desire to prove something, to other ppl yes but mostly to herself -- she feels the need to get worse because she feels the need to protect herself but feels as if the only way to do so is by being the most untrustworthy and manipulative person on the server and she keeps feeling the need to hold onto it tightly despite the fact that it has ruined her reputation, her quality of life, and her relationships because she feels as though it (and clown) are the only things she truly has on the server

in this part the genius annotation explains my thoughts well

Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

in this part i think it connects well with how she felt from the start of the server up to the box arc the first two lines taken literally in regards to mane killing her, the red betrayal, and the woogie arguments and taken symbolically to represent her very intense trust issues that left her disconnected not only to her team but the rest of the players as well the later two lines is in regards to how her relationship with team mice went, at first she felt as though she carried the team in many ways even when it was hard for her, even when she felt as though it wasnt worth it, she kept trucking on until she couldnt take it anymore and decided she was gonna betray as soon as all pretenses collapse and clown offers to ally with her. but when red betrayed her first? she collapsed and threw everything away: her relationships, her former goals, and even her interactions with the entire server

in these parts i think it fits with her initial thoughts about the server which was reinforced by mane and red killing her: everyone is evil, everyone sucks, this is normal and natural and there is no way around it and trying to go agaainst it by being tender and vulnerable will only hurt you so i should become the worst mfer out there so i can never be hurt ever again

karma and her relationship with revenge

its so funny how this one lyric is so isolated from the other verses and choruses cause i think that fits kabs character very well: she wants help desperately but shes far too alone and resistant to other ppl to truly ever receive some for the things she actually needs help with

this is her basically every yap session shes had with zam (esp the 4th part lol)

Cotard’s Solution (Anatta, Dukkha, Anicca)

starting with the title, im not buddhist and have forgotten basically everything i learned about it so this may not be as nuanced as id like but nonetheless its connected to why i associate it with kab anatta - without self dukkha - dissatisfaction brought about by desires and attachment anicca - impermanence and eventual decay in buddhism we are trapped in samsara aka the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth brought about by anicca and avidya (ignorance) which brings with it dukkha, to achieve nirvana or permanence/freedom from samsara you must realize anatta and relinquish all desire and attachment in a lser context its very similar to the concept of the cycles and the worldenders but rather than trying to achieve anatta in order to reach nirvana they are instead trying to ensure that samsara keeps continuing, every apocalypse has been done with the knowledge that they can not only start over but that they Should start over, repeating the cycle all over again and actively denying nirvana because to acieve nirvana, emptiness, peace, goes against the very nature of lifesteal itself in a kab context (i will be ignoring how she uses karma cause its far more rigid, reliant on one person, and material-based than the buddhist definition of karma is, the consequences naturally brought about by the server is a far better demonstration of karma while kabs definition of karma would far better fit the concept of social justice instead) she has a lot of trouble with impermanence and attachment, with a much stronger fear of death compared to a lot of other players and having such severe trust issues that it genuinely makes her fear making attachments as it could possibly be used against er in some way. she also has a lot of trouble with her sense of self: constantly denying what she wants, always throwing plots and selves at the wall to see which one wold stick, which one would give her what she wants, which ones would keep her safe, resulting in her often having wants that are severely incongruous to what she needs not much to say from the cotards side of the title cause aside from her being one of the more paranoid and death-fearing members of the server she doesnt really have much of a "walking corpse" quality to her and i associate that part entirely with zam lol (honestly i associate this song with zam more in general as in he fits every line while kab doesnt fit certain verses lol)

i think this reflects her uncertainty with the server brought about by a visceral fear of death very well, she fears that doing the wrong thing will cause her to get punished, severely. the lost two lines in the first image in particular i think fit very well with her box arc

yet another part that i think summarizes her convos with zam lmao

Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer’s Prosopagnosia/Pareidolia (As Direct Result of Trauma to the Fusiform Gyrus)

capgras delusion - delusional misidentification, commonly comes in the form of believing that someone close to you has been replaced by an indentical copy, there have also been cases where patients believe that time has been warped in some manner, aggression is common towards the perceived replacement prosopagnosia - a condition wherein you cant recognize faces/facial expressions pareidolia - pattern recognition of familiar objects in unrelated items such as faces in stains fusiform gyrus - a part of the frontal lobe with an unknown function that is directly linked to recognition kab sees the current her in past zam and vice versa in addition to all the traits they already have in common. kab also constantly reminds zam of joker while zam constantly picks and prods at kab until she becomes honest with him. theres also the fact that kab constantly misinterprets zam and the fact that zam does not like it when ppl remind him of himself due to the subject matter, the song has a running theme of fakery and replacement and indeed kab and zam are constantly questioning each other whether it be to gather information or to just figure out whats up with the other, trying to figure out what are the lies and what are the truths about the other with zam trying to remove kabs many masks and kab trying to reach deep withing zam, trying to find joker or whatever inner evil she seems to think he has

typical kab and zam behaviour honestly

Dr. Sunshine is Dead

honestly the whole song could be taken to metaphorically show kabs journey into adapting to lifesteals brutality

the song starts in media res with the singer character already having adjusted to the dark and fearful of sunshine but still unsure of themself, paranoid of shadows despite the fact that they were already in a dark room to begin with which fits kabs character whos already used to "eviller" smps but has yet to experience the horror that is being on lifesteal so although she already had a natural suspicion of kindness she nonetheless tried to seek it out despite herself only to find that the other lsers were already, in her own words, "broken" and "bitter" she constantly projects herself upon other ppl cause she sees the same patterns that shes done herself but with no context for why they act the way they do, assuming that its simply how the way they work whether by nature or nurture, which is reinforced not only by lifesteals very own reputation but also by the dramatic collapse of team mice -- an event that was theoretically avoidable but was realistically inevitable thanks to their backgrounds and personalities and already present lack of trust

i think this takes place after the mane and red killings she doesnt want to be boxed in and yet does so to herself both literally by imprisoning herself into an an obsidian box that contain reminders of her past and not allowing herself to get out of the box unless she was absolutely alone, and unintentionally metaphorically by not only defining her goals in relationship to someone else (woogie, red, and zam, not yet mane cause shes still too scared at this point) and seemingly being so tunnelvisioned to her goal that she misses many meaningful interactions between herself and the other ppl on the server

this is after she left the box zam wasnt there for her so she aligned herself with wemmbu and joined what would eventually become the california girls despite the fact that she hates wemmbu, shes gained Some confidence from teaming with who is arguably the servers most wanted and has decided to fully give in to her malice, basically going on her own joker arc, assuming the worst of everyone according to her intuition, and denying both to others and herself the fact that deep down inside shes still as scared as she was the day that mane killed her this is also when she starts moving mane up her list of priorities as hes not only the most active of his targets but hes also the one who keeps going after her

the same dilemma as the previous chorus except this time its fully metaphorical and intentional, she boxes other ppl in because its what she thinks is truth (her mind can only be changed if she was already unsure in the first place, otherwise she takes her knowledge as absolute truth), and she boxes herself in cause its what she wants-- or rather what she Thinks she wants, she wants to be evil but she still cares so when she starts targetting zam her facade starts to crumble

this is when kab keeps going after zam, finding that hes the only one left on the server who would not only listen to her but also not kill her kab heavily relies on her psychological analysis, intelligence, and willingness to play dirty due to the fact that its her only real weapon and when youre in a server like lifesteal its very important that youd have Some way of arming yourself so she uses it as often as possible shes become extremely cynical at this point and does not think she has anyone she can truly rely on except for clown... who hasnt logged on the server in months she keeps going after zam cause really what else is there to do? shes a psychological analyzer and she cant do that if nobody is willing to listen to her and may even kill her so she goes after zam cause she wants to be evil but would be unable to deal with the consequences of going after someone more willing to kill than him the whole time shes wearing not just one but several masks and yet zam manages to keep seeing past them so she unmasks her again and again and she doesnt like that and yet she got attached cause not only did he see past her and not only has he been relentlessly attacked by several ppl over and over again but hes also been Nice to her and it scares her cause Nice only means trouble so she tries to look for the evil within him: joker and yet despite that he keeps managing to see past her and her mask crumbles more and more, and she becomes stuck in between her wants and needs, her desires and fears, her mask and her real self, she wants to be evil So badly but she cares and she cant help caring and she cant deny it anymore shes unable to go back to who she once was

this is when she starts truly reevaluating herself, what she wants, and what she needs she realizes that she does not know nearly enough about the server to have her methods work, at least to the same extent as the other smps shes been in and that she needs to do a reevalutaion shes not trying to box herself in anymore, she realizes now that ultimately its not what she really wants so she decides she wants to try to bridge the gap made bwtween her mask and her true self with karma, a way to be the caring person she knows she is but still indulging in that malice she wants to foster and still heavily immersed in that ultimately bitter view of the server and way of living

despite everything shes still kab and shes still scared, whatever happens next happens next

[tobacconist]

Okay like i actually feel so guilty and this isnt even a joke. i dont know how to say this without sounding insane but yes; wizards are real. i am one of them. no, i havent been to hogwarts. yes, i do have a wand. no, i won't show it to you. etc, etc. genuinely this weighs heavy on my soul. ive talked about this before but i feel like its important for me to write this out once again. j confess it: j was party to them what put that curse on jk rowling. (iykyk) like, bitch, im actually so sorry. it was never meant to go this far. i mean i never meant for... well, i dont think any of us did (originally) but now we are where we are, and theres no turning back. not now.

basically, there was a big uproar in the wizarding community after that play 'the cursed child' came out. idk, i never saw it. you see, jk rowling didnt actually 'write' the harry potter series. she 'wrote' it, but it was not actually 'wrought' by her, like... to put it bluntly, the original was all based off of real events (albeit with significant alterations) and ,madame, was the one chosen to write the 'muggle-redacted' version, because she has (distant) wizard ancestry. she herself is completely unaware of this. well then, anyway, then there was the fantastic beasts saga; and, like, we were ALL pissed off. even the muggles sensed that something wasnt right. it wasnt 'magical'. it was a disgrace. so... yeah... we did it. we... uh... put that powder on her doorstep, so to speak. we crossed some bones. it was actually nothing to do with transness at all to begin with, it was about some political shit to do with the labour party and jeremy corbyn? or something like that? idk, were not supposed to vote and be political, we have our own kings and queens. anyway yeah we were just sore about how we were portrayed in it and especially how she distorted the whole plotline about grindelwald and harrys children. like bitch, if youre listening, tell me: WHY DIDNT YOU WRITE 'THE FOUR MARAUDERS' LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO!? OR 'THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ALBUS DUMBLEDORE' OR 'HOGWARTS A HISTORY'? or ANYTHING ELSE! it could have all been so different... 'fantastic beasts'??? sorry what??? it was genuinely like smearing dogshite upon our screens. im sorry love, but were still right angry about it. we loved you... how... how could you? 'newt scamander' - who is this fellow? we have never heard of him. oh, what? did you feel some tingle of inspiration? some new character, who loves magical creatures. he was expelled from hogwarts... fond relationship with dumbledore... THATS HAGRID! THATS THE YOUNG HAGRID! FUCK! anyway yeah, i didnt watch any of the other ones cus it was just embarrassing to see johnny depp dressed up like that.

and ofcourse there was all the other stuff before that (dont forget to be awesome!) but basically we cast a spell, several spells, and sent evil fortunes to be upon her. i regret it deeply. but by gum was the woman strong! i beg you all to realise that she literally was not transphobic until we caused this incessant stream of abuse to be directed towards her. like, we literally did this to her. on purpose. it was a targeted campaign of psychic harassment and manipulation that we have put her through for YEARS, and its only a few months ago that she truly started to crack. weve all since disbanded, because covens never stay together very long; thats why hogwarts is only a dream - but the spells have been spoken and the weird it is weft, and it would be a strong hand that would unweave them. that is to say - it is ongoing, and i am so sorry sorry sorry sorry

and for the record :- transexuality/homosexuality/genderqueerness/goatfucking is literally not an issue in wizard society we literally have potions that can change your gender in an instant or turn it back again, most of us have non-human ancestry, and we regularly trade our sperm and eggs with other species such as elves and the chinese. so there.

[triplegoths]

untagged

i cant fucking take living like this anymore

i cant do it i have to end it soon theres literally nothing for me here anymore. its too much to do. im never gonna fucking have another close in real life relationship.

i want to just like order some food at work so im not more miserable being here but i dont have the strength or stomach to eat something. ill eventually try maybe. i dont know. the drugs make me not eat like a fucking sick dog already and everything rn just says i dont deserve it

i have no motive or energy to do anything but work or somethimes playing a game but even that were usually unable bc were too tired.

whats the fucking issue with me!!!! i just dont give a shit anymore i dont want to do anything nothing makes me happy everythinf eventually juat makes me feel scared and sick and weird. every time i try to make fun or have plans it goes horrible and it just feels worse so i wont anymore ill just fucking rot alone like life wants me to

nobody here can help me and if i could i couldnt afford it so who fucking cares its cheaper to kill myself and lose the body so they dont need funeral costs. theyd misgender and shave me anyway probably

im just so fucking over it all im never gonna be happy like this. i got nothing. theres no good its just working til i fucking kill myself and putting myself through fuxking agony constantly for a life that continues to just KICK AND KICK AND KICK AND KICK me when im fucking down. i cant handle anything else happening. im trying so hard to get things done and theres just fuxking nothing. i will never ever be enough and ill never feel enough.

doesnt matter what or when or the circumstance its so depressing that its not just romantic relations too im so fuckinf scared in groups i automatically feel unwelcome and hated and like i should just go off by myself because im literally so unlikeable and everything has proved it forever. like genuinely as soon as i realized there were more than 2 people i got terrified and started questioning everythinf i did and wanted to run away bc i felt like i wasnt meant to be there and it was ovipus and i was being annoying like fucking ALWAYS GOD IM SO SICK OF BEING LIKE THIS can i just shut up forever? dirk please come back to front im tired of annoying all the people who so graciously allow me to exist around them so i dont have to be in such crushing loneliness all the time i feel like such a fucking baby and everybody probably thinks im such an annoying drug addict too can i just quit it and fucking feel and then kill myself already when i realize its worse

like im never gonna be able to afford any of the shit i need to heal and i dont even wanna try bc ill get 3 appointments in and will run out of money and continue doing that and then ill die bc i cant afford anything else. like why would i do that to myself ill just suffer like this and just do my best forever til i can only rot. id rather get it fuckinf over with and just die now. this isnt a life

i go frm one box go another. rotting. i rot at home alone or i go to work alone. i dont really go out. i dont really talk to anybody. i dont really see anybody. i have 1 irl friend who talks to me and lives in town. the other i dont see her often and honestly feel so embarassed of myself around her because of how i am that i can barely convince myself to see her sometimes even if she is in town. the other person is one of my exs and he doesnt give a shit about me he just wants sex bc thats the only thing im good for. i feel like i just annoy and make everybody uncomfortable conwtantly i dont wanna do it anymore i want to shut up

i always do it i always just talk endlessly frm the second i fucking could before most kids could talk even and i just never shut up did i? my parents were always annoyed by me talking about things that brought me joy (and they never believed me for things that were upsettinf and it was just fake and i needed to be quiet about it bc theyre not taking me to the doctor. so i stopped talking about it to my family and everybody else in my life in that era did the same. the bullies. my friends who ignored me. no matter the form it was always like that i just need to learn to keep quiet and go away and not need anything ever again. i couldnt fucking learn it every time i got a red or yellow card for talking (usually trying to ask questions bc i didnt understand or couldnt see or couldnt hear in elementary school. or to make conversation bc i was friendly and had no friends and my parent didnt play with me so i was lonely. nobody ever liked me bc i was weird. i feel like such a bitter dickhead but i get so jealous when i see that people talk to others every day. especially in person. im so fucking alone i literally get so excited when people want to call with me even if it makes me really scared (and sometimes if im not comfortable enough or feeling sad i will run a away from that too because im so scared to fuckinf annoy people and say something stupid or be boring or trying too hard or just fucking being a total downer because theres nothing good ever going on for me. i got so depressed goin on bsky today and seeing everyone playing webfishing when i cant. but even so lik.e maybe im glad i djdnt join bc one of them was in a big group with new mut and then all strangers so like. its better i wasnt able to bc i would probably jusg feel worse and run away frm everyone bc i feel inadequate snd guilty for taking up space. i always feel like im bothering everyone no matter what. fuck my exhusband in general but he also made me so much more insecure than i was already. he made me feel so annoying and he broke my communication. i was alone with him and JUST him for so long. i could only communicate in nonsense phrases sometimes (literal jibberish not memes) because thats all he would respond to or wouldnt talk to me until i did. he changed my whole pattern of speech and i still almost lapse into it sometimes. it was never any kind of real conversation about anything i felt like it withered my brain. nothing ever in depth just stupid sensless bullshit and jokes (that were often insulting me and made me feel like shit) and i was doing it for fucking nothing because everything else sucked too!!!! the only time there was ever a conversation was when i was BEGGING HIM to stop sometbing or do something for the millionth time. or him defending himself or trying to force my support and trigger my ocd (i genuinely think he was trying to make it worse he never respected it ever he mever respected a single part of me) or him fighting with me on something again (usually the thing was due to him and i just was not being forgiving and quiet and turning off my emotions enough about it. learned numb happiness)

my existence is like a plague and theres nothing here for me. theres even less left of me after he got done with me. he stripped my personality all the way down and forcef me to mirror him. everythinf will always be rotted and ill feel like a horrid shell of a person any time im near anyone. the only option is being alone. maybe this time i will learn and just fuxking stop all of this so we can stop being a curse on everybody. even if i could afford mental help theres nobody that can help me here so its all a waste. i feel like everybody will just hurt me again. doesnt even have to be a partner i feel like every single person is gnna realize sooner or later that im not worth it or they dont like me (ir even hate me) and that im just too fucking annoying to be around

i dont want to be annoying anymore. i wish it was like right after he went to prison again when i didnt have anything and was an empty shell and had nothing to say or talk about that wasnt venting. i wish i never got back some of my "sparkle" or whatever the fuck people call it. mines not a sparkle. its a noxious cloud of toxic annoyance fumes and everybody just has to keep their masks up til i vacate the area. why would i ever fucking want this to come back. i need to shut the fuck up i really do. just take our personality and every crumb of joy again im so sick of it. make it so i dont have any of those thoughts to even post. thus sparing everyone from having to be like "UGH this motherfucker AGAIN. does he ever shut the fuck up? is he ever quiet? can he just log off already? this guy definitely has no life. why does he always have to butt into everything"

that way i can just post like. the shortest most boring updates ever like "back to work! only 3 days this week for the 39 hours. more time off is always good" and then shut up for days and then "got paid nice. going to the bank and then grabbing a few groceries" like thats do much better. nobody needs to fucking know man its sad and depressing and all the same OR you are the most obnoxious prick on any site youre ever and you ruin everybodys day when theyre forced to see you in their notifs or on their timeline

ive probably already muted me bc it didnt even take a week for me to just talk way too muxh when none of of it is important and nobody wants to hear it

even if im not allowed to talk frm my body. its already annoying enough in text and then psyically i just stutter and trip over myself or cant think or forget what i was saying

i wanna delete everything i have and crawl into the earth. i hate being alive. the one time i find something that makes me happy even the littlest bit i cant do it anymore. disallowed by the universe and painfully reminded of the fact im supposed to alone and theres actually nothing for me. it doesnt get better for me it only gets worse. and it makes me feel stupid for believing it could even though thats few and far between. theres nothing left for me i need to just get whatever drugs i decide on and have one last hoorah and take enough to kill me. which hopefully wont even be that hard because im mixing downers and uppers constantly so like its only a matter of time right. my nose hurts and i feel like crying and my body is killing me again so im taking both things again. one for pain. one for maybe like. a little bit of energy but mainly so i dont feel so absolute shit. i just want it all to stop i dont wanna get better anymore im sick of it every time i try i get fucking worse or am crushed by something else even harder than before im DONE WITH IT IM FUCKING OVER IT i just wanna end it theres nothing fucking here for me im never making it. im sick of trying. im sick of always helping even while going through the wordt shit imaginable. im not sick of it. i want to help and i love helping. but it makes me fucking SICK to think about how ive spent my whole life caring for others. have been let down or ignored or told i was lying or had them hurt me instead so many times over i just fucking wish i was important enough to have gotten help when i needed it. to be listened to enough for somebody to even acknowledge or believe there is an issue (or simply convince me im overreacting)

it was fucking stupid of me to think my last ditch effort of doing art school because every other thing i failed miserably at because im too stupid and cant do enough and dont have the support. it doesnt even fucking matter bc my body is slowly and slowly getting closer to just saying "no fuck you" to the art i NEVER HAD TIME TO MAKE TO MY FULL ABILITY IN THE FIRST PLACE. and then ill never be able to do it ever again because i cant get help

i am going to die knowing i never finished a single thing in my life and nobody will ever know what i was capable of.

i want to die in the most painful and uncomfortable way possible because its what i deserve. its the only thing i truly deserve. i need to endanger myself more than i already do obviously its not killing me fast enough if im still kicking and dragging myself across the pavement. i should be dragged along the pavement by a semitruck instead.

i wanna kill myself so bad tonight man. im gonna try not to bc my friend really needs me rn. but i really might relapse. im so fucking tired i want to just go and sleep but ill stay up just for that. i should just cut a vein already why do i care about beinf careful. there was a thing i wanted to do... cut myself with a razor right after i use it to chop **** because maybe itll make me feel good when im not or just fuck my heart enough to make me faint or do smth stupider

ive been writing this for so long im fucking done. i got 2.5 more hours here. i hope i find my mouse when i go home so i change my mind but i honestly really just want to end it right now. im at the end of the line really. im gonna work til i die and never get a break

"everyday it feels like noone sees and noone knows. every day i kinda wanna cancel the show." /lyr

please for the love of god like this if you read all of it i just spilled my whole guts and not even well

[viaphni]

Thoughts on Elemental Rising Pilot

I should say before finishing this that i only watched Split's POV so i dont know how much of this applies to everyone else

Ok ive been pretty hyped for ER for a WHILE now and the pilot absolutely did not disappoint. For being basically a whole movie i think it was very good at keeping engagement and intrigue, and I think that was really helped by the fact that all the mains are voiced . And the editing was GREAT

It having the level of voice actors that it did made the characters REALLY lovable. like you could Feel the friendship between them all and how they clicked. It felt like they were actually friends which is something a good chunk of steve shows dont really get right

I also love that the protags are like . thieves and criminals and stuff. Interesting eyes to see through

AND LIKE THE WORLD FEELS SO FLESHED OUT? Like moreso than steve shows typically do at the start. It felt so alive . AND THEY HAVE WOMEN TOO!!!!!! SO THATS SICK I LOVE THAT !!!'n AND they all have different powersets which is so sick. + steve shows gotta have the classic "The War" trope so i wonder when we'll learn more about it

It sort of reminded me of RR S1

Them descending into the cave and finding the gemstones made me so happy because i was IMMEDIATELY able to recognize it as the places from the teaser photos

When the teasers first came out I assumed that there was some like chosen one type stuff going on and i really didmt expect it to just be some thieves wanting to make some money

Seeing them all gather their respective gems and connect with the elements was really interesting. Kai especially since his seemed really??? I dont know he was acting so on edge that whole time

I loved the scene where they were sat around camp and sharing their life stories. And also they have AGES that are confirmed and i think ive only seen a couple steve shows do that so its good to see more

Some of my favorite little things were like

benji going invisible and scaring ace from behind

The group teasing each other and generally being very silly

None of the exposition felt super forced, most of it felt pretty eased in

Characters had very distinct personalities and ways of acting

Characters all had distinct DESIGNS

ITS SO GOOOOOOOOD IM ACTUALLY TWEAKING OOOUTTT

But like

I think my favorite scene from the whole thing

Is probably where they discovered the kingdom burning

Particularly the. i don't remember how exactly what it was worded as, but: "Thats not snow, thats dust" stuck with me really hard in particular

Like thats not snow thats ASH and everything is BURNING DOWN

and it happened so quickly too

Just minutes ago they were laughing at the idea of the flame king being near and they went home to find That

The acting there was VERY good

The thing that stuck with me the most was when Benji said "Kai?! Kai, what do we do?!" when they were cornered against the king

the DESPERATION

Kai's also the oldest i think so looking to him for help ouugfufufh theyre such a FAMILY theyre BROTHERSSSSS

AND THEN THEY ALL DIE I GUESS. THEY ALL JUST EXPLODE I GUESS. THE ANIMATION

THE HORROR in their voices when Kai got killed was SO REAL😭 My jaw was on the FLOOR

LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON

a few minutes ago it was so silly teehe hahahahha BUT NOOO theryre COOKED

LITERALLY

BUT LIKE THEY HAVE TO COME BACK THOUGH

PHONEIX RISE FROM THE ASHES

They will come back trust ☺️

I really do wonder what would happen otherwise though??? Because it would be pointless writing to develop characters and then just..,,,,,,,, poof

I domt know

How i look as a steve show fan wanting characters to live

That was extremely well made but the ending had the RR S2 finale effect on me and now I dont want to engage with it again until it next releases

I dont know i just have a skill issue but it makes my brain so upset when theres not much buildup and them BOOM DIE like it makes me a lot less interested . especially for the Pilot Episode

But also it IS the pilot episode and theres reasons for everything going on and it Will continue and i Will watch so. yeah

Was very well made enjoyed watching very much very good/10 will NOT be watching past 1:36:18 ever again thank you

[ganondoodle]

Oh man I saw your totk issues post and I agree 100%!! Those are all things that have really bothered me about playing totk, and things that made playing it not nearly as fun (the dungeons, the shrines, the building, etc).

Especially the map!! When I tell you I was so disappointed by the maps on totk, I was hoping for something new! It really just feels like a modded botw, not an official sequel.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on the concept of “what if they had sent link to the past instead”? So the surface map would feature huge differences in the land forms and buildings that exist, and we’d get to see more ganon whenever he visits Hyrule, or go out to the desert to see Gerudo town, etc.

If they really wanted no sheika tech, they could also just have it being newly built? And you could introduce the new characters and such, etc etc.

(I also think the past champions are such a missed opportunity? If botw is about grief and loneliness, and finding hope in the hopeless, and Totk is about coming together despite that, it could have been really interesting if Link had gone to the past! They could have used the past setting as an eerie reminder to what Link and Zelda had lost when the Calamity struck!)

THAT BEING SAID: I’m not as familiar with the legend of Zelda lore, and haven’t played totk very much! I wanted to know your thoughts on this because you seem to have a lot of story and game mechanic knowledge that could explain why this could be a bad/good idea!

(Plus, your discussions are always super interesting to read, as is your custom totk lore, so I’d love to know what you think🩷)

I’m sorry if you’ve already answered an ask like this! If that’s the case, feel free to point that out and I’ll go through your ask tag if you have one:) I hope you have a great day!⭐️

Hi!

im glad you enjoy my rants, i often feel like im being overly mean but tbh were else could i just rant as much as my heart desires without getting spammed by annoying people (certainly not on twitter lol)

i have talked alot, and i mean ALOT, about totk and my issues with it, both lore and gameplay wise, i dont claim to be an expert on any, though i am an old zelda fan and aspiring gamedev, i really only talk about what i feel about it, what i think about it, and by all means im biased as hell xD

if you dont know yet, the "ganondoodles rants" tag is where all my rants go, so if you are interested in reading more on my totk thoughts thats the way to search (given tumblrs search in blog works ..)

and to answers your question, i have touched on it briefly, sending link back in time before the shiekah tech existed would have been an easy way to excuse how they jsut got .. rid of it, bc they didnt, it literally didnt exist yet- and for reusing the map- though that argument falls a little flat bc ... they coud have already done that in present totk, like i brought up in one of said rants, things like flooding gerudo desert, collapsing death mountain, drying out zoras domain etc, and changing the location of the main populations would have already done alot without having to redo the map in its entirety;

the little changes to map itself really wouldnt that big of a deal if they didnt also send you to the EXACT same locations AND repeat the SAME LOCATIONS AGAIN but in the underground, like thats a fact i have talked about multiple times bc its so illogical in every way, anywhere theres a settlement on the surface theres a bigger mine below, its so stupid, the shrines conenct to a lightroot, the same, again, you dont need to explore bc theres nothing TO explore (its also extra weird bc theres one below taburasa (tarrey town) which .... link literally build with dumsda (hudson) a few years ago .. unless that got retconned too idk wth do i know anymore honestly- AND it makes the sonau extra weird bc why the hell do they have a bigass mine under every settlement ESPECIALLY UNDER GERUDO TOWN like, that just adds to my suspicions towards them)

anyway, link to the past was the point and yes, it could have solved a few issues (mainly shiekah tech and the whole "story" taking place AGAIN in the past completely disconnected from you the player) i personally am not so much a fan of it, but that mostly comes down to me just not liking time travel, i dont like going back in time, i want to play and do things in the here and now, i want to repair the damages of the calamity, find out its origins, maybe fix that too, i love to learn about past stuff too, but that more in text, no literal flashback (unless done well), i want to connect to the past but it also holds alot of mystery that maybe shouldnt be touched upon, some mysteries and unkowns are much more interesting when left as such, i want to THINK about things and come to conclusions that are logical and makes sense in hindsight even if it wasnt clear at the start, i dont want information and what to think about it told to my face over and over like im stupid

after botw i really didnt care much about the past, maybe about the acient hero who alot of people specualted to be of gerudo origin due to its red hair- which also got a monkeys paw curled bc in totk they do sth with but its so stupid and insulting that i do not accept it as canon, say what they want, there are no dog people anywhere in the past nor present botw/totk wtf is that i hate it- and its not even .. why is that the reward for that, it has literally NOTHING TO DO WITH TOTK ITSELF I COULD YELLLL AAAARGH

main point is that really, i wanted to explore the past .. in the present, i hoped to find broken old shiekah structures, old labs and maybe some left over damage and records from when the old king persecuted the shiekah for their tech, i wanted to know where the ancient energy the shiekah used was coming from, what the boss arena in the middle of hyrule castle really was- so many things just discarded and acted like they never happened or mattered; i dont want to travel into the past, i want to discover whats left of it, piece it together, discover dark secrets you can ask no one about bc all that knew about it are long gone- thats what intrigued me about botw, it felt like there was so much left to discover only for totk to throw it all away and just do its own thing .. but not commit to that hard enough either so its neither its own thing nor a sequel-

.. that wasnt really what you wanted to know was it? xD sorry i tend to ramble on if someone seems to give me permission to

to sum it up, i think it COULD work, sending link to the past instead, if done well, but so could canon totk have been, it could have been done well but wasnt for reasons i dont know and tbh even fear bc i worry its sets a dark future ahead of zelda; i personalyl am just not a fan of time travel so i dont have that much to say to it :O

[0cean--man]

archie rambles

fun fact archie went through a shit ton of redesigns before i settled on what i settled on. he was originally going to look like jack walten and have more of a upbeat and happy go gitty personality, but because i wasn't happy with my art at the time or my characters i never settled on a proper design for him.

this was his first design i think if mt toyhouse is correct. very jack walten inspired in his older days, while his younger days he looked like every oc i had at the time.

his backstory at the time is that he was brought back to life some how by medic and engineer because they were trying to see if they can bring people back through the logs of the respawn machine. but i never fully stuck with this back story because i didn't like it and changed it not to long after i had that idea.

then there was the "oh god oh fuck i want him to blow up" era, where i only drew him once a month and everytime i did his design would change.

i had more doodles during this time of him but never posted them to toyhouse, and if im correct they were posted in a server im not apart of anymore so yeah </3 but thankfully in this era we got something close to his official current design, which was this drawing!

not quite there, still needed work but its getting closer to the current archie we all know and love. at this point bro didn't have a backstory like at all, all i knew is that "teehee funny TFC medic design i looooove him :3" and literally nothing else. then he was left to rot for a while, and he wasn't touched again until some time in January i think, which he was doodled in this

little shit post doodle, i wanna punch this guy tbh hes so goofy. THEN CAME JULY, 20 DAYS AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. i suddenly had motivation unlike any other, and i was like "YES I NEED TO DRAW OLD MEN" and then the current archie design was born.

i still love this design like a lot, i think he looks lovely. if i had to change anything i would make him have more wrinkles and have his hair curl a bit more since i still want him to have curly or wavy hair. AND ALSO ADD MORE BODY HAIR ON HIM BECAUSE I DONT THINK THERES ENOUGH ON HIM BRO <///3

but besides that i love this design of him. only issue is that his back story is kinda all over the place atm, its a mixture of oh he fell in love with cheavy but because it was the 30's he was violently closeted and still is.

but on the other hand i wanna make his backstory more complex and be like "oh he had a love hate realtionship with cheavy and his team, which is why he didn't rejoin it once they got back together blah blah blah" idk still trying to figure it out yk

[lullabyshark]

gender in the mars house

this isnt very long & is mostly haphazard and off the cuff but i had to put down some of my thoughts as a nonbinary person on the way gender is portrayed in this book. spoilers obviously

i know as a long-time fan of miss pulley to not take the things she puts in her work at face value. obviously, i think thats true for basically anything not written for children, and even many things that are written for children. something else has to be going on, right? i found myself constantly thinking "whats the catch?"

it feels strange for the love interest to say literal terf rhetoric and imply that bioessentialism is part of the world building. because on one hand this is the love interest, a person that comes across as a charming, awkward nerd in the majority of the text, and theyre saying something completely hideous. not necessarily what they personally believe, but a truth about why things are the way they are on mars.

and because then i look at all these people who were assigned they/them at birth and wonder if any of them ever feel gender euphoria. if you are gender neutral because society says so and you were genetically modified, is there any joy in it? is there any real freedom in it? what about binary trans people? what about people like myself who use neopronouns? is this just neo-cisgenderism? this society is much less widespread gender equality and more of a rigid absence of diversity. otherwise wouldnt we see more genders instead of less?

most of the time everything is very normal. i know so many people who use they/them that it feels very comfortable and homey to see it used so much. but sometimes it feels off. its definitely a cis persons imagining of gender neutrality. because when you create a world where the reason these people are "nonbinary" is bioessentialism and not because they genuinely feel that way, it feels like the gender neutrality is... bad? wrong? misguided?

it makes me feel crazy. on mars gender is no more bc men historically have power over women and kill their wives? women are the victims of biology so now everyone is assigned they/them at birth? it leaves a very odd taste in my mouth. gale only ever addresses it once after this, admitting that actually abolishing gender didnt stop anyone getting killed, it was changing marriage law that did. so where does that leave us

i love a morally gray pulley love interest--if mori was real i would forgive him for all the murders then bat my eyelashes and say anything you want beautiful LMAO. but i think that mystery, when we're dealing with something like systematic oppression, thats a very different thing. i was waiting the whole book for them to say that it was a lie and gender was abolished for a different reason, or that they only said that for the optics.

i wonder what other trans & nb ppl think about it. is there something im not getting? do you like this mono-gender mars? do you think im completely off the mark? if anyone actually reads this i genuinely want to know 😭

natasha i love your work queen but theres a lot in this book that fails to convey what i think you were trying to convey. obv this is just one issue, there are plenty of others that i dont feel nearly as equipped to discuss, in this and her other books. and while i will always enjoy her prose and try to go in w good faith, certainly no one is infallible.

[madness-combat-confessions]

Okay idk if this is the most Obvious shit and im just slow or if theres been an ask about this or something but we need to talk about cloning and the AAHW more imo!!

If the thing about sanf and dei being previous members (and i think doc being confirmed?) then that begs many questions. Jeb and tricky were also members and we know their lore as past scientists for nexus and then jeb was "hired" by auditor and tricky too probably but we dont have a direct confirmation afaik but everyone else is just? Vauge?

Like either A) AAHW has people working for it that are not clones like the mass agents and soldats and engineers and they are never mentioned (which would be stupid imo considering how far we are into the story) or B) they are all clones that dissented which for deimos is yk not far fetched considering his poster outright stating it

BUT THEN THAT BEGS THE ISSUE ON HAND. Everyone that ive seen online considers the agents as personality-less fucking creatures and i think even canon says smt like that about them but like.. if a clone can dissent then they probably Arent as bland as they seem. And even that isnt far fetched, i mean they hold birthdays apparently and play games to pass time. How deep does it go? How much will do they have? They seem to be conditioned to never run when Hank aka (almost) certain death is around which is one thing but are they scared of death? Do they have favorite foods and colors? How human (or in this case grunt) are they? Is it just Some of them that have self awareness/personality? Are they coded to have a personality? If yes is it random or set? Would the AAHW bother to code a random persona generator?? Do they perhaps lose more of their indaviduality/humanity as they progress up on the food chain to be soldats or engineers??

Idk i keep seeing agents n shit in fics and stuff be shown as these sometimes mechanical creatures with 0 varying personality and 0 humanity and it makes me heavily wonder about them. Maybe theyre just a bit dumber than average due to being mass cloned? Shrug. I dont know i think theyre more interesting when considered to be actual people than just. Puppets. They are metaphorical and sorta physical puppets yeah but like they held a birthday man. Fuck. They had a birthday.

Agents keep me up at night.

-anon MMS if i can claim that cuz its funny /opt!!

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who also thinks about the AAHW!

I personally think/headcanon that basically everyone in the AAHW is a clone because anyone that could had been an actual real person is dead (lol). And idk how to explain it but from what I've read they lack S-3LFS, but they still are kinda like people? Like they might just appear like mindless clones who only wanna kill Hank, and they are that don't get me wrong, but I think they also still act like people to some extent (or at least some of them)

I mean one of the agents in MC 9.2 had been writing "We are abandoned " on a wall so to me that says they're capable of understanding their situation and feeling sad (?) about it?

Now I'm not sure on the engineers and the soldats, I mean a soldat literally blew a rocket where their team was because they thought their boss had told them to. Which makes me think two things

1: The AAHW is a bit too blindly devoted to the Auditor. Which is probably because they are clones that were made/'programmed' to be that way.

2: I think that the soldats and the engineers have less "free will" than the agents because of the ATP

There's also something else I wanna talk about

This:

Like hello? What the fuck did this guy do?

From my understanding what is considered a dissenter in this series is someone who goes against the Auditor and the agency. So what did this guy even do? Did he try to betray them like Deimos and Doc did?

Or was it perhaps something minor like not doing their job? Like actually make a decision for their own and don't do what the Auditor says for once, like how an actual person would do?

I wanna say that's a stupid reason to kill one if their agents, but it's a possibility: the Auditor is shown to not really take it kindly when people don't do their job, she literally sliced a grunt in half for it. Even though all the grunt did was play cards with some other agents.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case this guy was damned a "dissenter" and killed by the Auditor (or maybe the other members) for that reason.

So taken to account that they are soulless clones but can still 1: celebrate birthdays 2: play games to pass time 3: dislike their shitty ass situation I'd say that they have some personality, it's just that the Auditor is too strict to allow them to show/act like it. Because she doesn't want people with free will in the agency he wants mindless clones who'd do whatever she says.

Does this make sense I swear it does in my head I'm just bad at putting it to words.

[hecksupremechips]

But really, it’s like. I don’t want to be so obsessive over something so trivial cuz it really just causes shitty discourse at the end of the day. I’m just really really into queer analysis of shit I like and put waaaaay too much thought into it so when it seems like others don’t do the same, or that they’ve done it completely differently than me, it’s like. I get way too hurt by it agdjskl

I think I get way too like. Obsessive when it comes to gender/sexuality hcs for queer characters and I think it all started with people saying Marvin from falsettos is bisexual representation