#but i hope its coherent

[zroqravity]

no you are literally so right about the patreon thing though

i don't wanna be a hater on my blog so I'm gonna be on anon, but it is genuinely a stupid financial decision.

also like.

why the fuck was the update on patreon only??? if it concerns riptide, their main campaign??? like at least make a community post (they didn't have a problem making community post for merch for an exclusive campaign but they can't talk about hiatus on there??? weird)

also a thing that annoys me is the fact that they still have ads and shit on episodes, they have sponsorships. and it's not weird, every single podcast with a patreon I listen to has that (dndads, which they actually made a reference to once in an intro, naddpod) but they're the only ones that have activity on patreon and NO activity on main feed. it's weird!

and those podcasts manage to have active main campaigns while also having successful patreons! i understand that for the boys it's like a main job and so the pressure to have it pay off is high. but it's just not gonna if they move to patreon completely. it never works! I've seen people try so many times and it never works because patreon just doesn't work like that. it literally advertises itself as a place for exclusive content and it ain't exclusive if it's The Only thing that exists.

anyway I think they should have prioritized getting wanderlust out first (if they make it like the suckening I swear to fucking god I'll explode), THEN doing a patreon mini-campaign and then coming back with riptide. or better yet, posting the mini campaign along with riptide coming back to lure people in. would work on me if patreon wasn't locked away from regionally

they're just managing it all rather poorly tbh. like I get it? they're making money and I would also prioritize that shit, I understand. but at this point some of it just feel disrespectful. like posting the update on patreon of all places (not even fucking twitter???? or smth?)

anyway anyway. sorry for getting all of this off my chest in your askbox I just. most people I follow and/or am mutuals with for jrwi have patreons and i just feel like I can't complain about it. yknow? it's probably just in my head but yeah. you're so right

THE UPDATE THING YEAH I DIDNT KNOW I COULD ACTUALLY WATCH IT FOR FREE FOR QUITE A WHILE! It'd reeallllly weird to only put it on patreon especially when they have posted things of this sort on twitter in the past and at least made a community post abojt it on youtube, I can't think of exactly why they did this honestly but just the fact that they did it makes me suspicious despite there not being anything technically wrong with it and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

also they have ads enabled on patreon stuff?? Yeah that is kinda weird and something I've never thought about before. Also a big fan of dndads here, in my original repay to the ask I actually mentioned them as a podcast who uses their patreon well but decided to delete it.

PATREON IS REGEON LOCKED??!?!@ THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE NOT ONLY ARE THEY LEAVING OUT FANS RHAT DONT PAY BJT ALSO SOME THAT WOULD PAY BUT JUST HAPPEN TO LIVE IN THE WRONG PLACE??????#@ AND THESE PEOPLE WOUNDNT EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE THE UPDATE

yeah they are handedly this shit very poorly, I'm glad my asks could be somewhere for you to talk about this bc I know how frustrating this is, I'm really glad I finally got the guts to speak more about this bc its something I've had a big problem with for a while and it's really nice to see that it's not actually all in my head and I'm not just being a hater unreasonably like I tent to think i am

Sorry for the late reply, my reply to your other ask will come even later, sorry again o7

[edorazzi]

Page 25 of my Miraculous Mentor AU comic A Matter of Trust! In which Felix is offered a downright horrifying solution to get rid of his Miraculous early, and Plagg explains the rules behind the magical bond! 📜💋

Index | Start | Prev | Next

Weekly updates each Sunday! You can also read ahead early on Patreon (with three brand new pages tonight, totaling 30!), and/or buy me a Ko-fi if you'd like to support my work! 💖

[onismdaydream]

its hard to say no to yuuji when he gets needy. he's never been afraid to be vocal about what he wants, but it cranks up to the max when he's desperate. he'll be pressed up against you, his lips never leaving your skin as he begs you to let him fuck you. please, please, promise i'll be gentle, i'll be so good, please, just let me feel you - his hips stuttering as he bucks them, wanting to relieve any of the pressure that's been building up - anything, i'll do anything, baby, please, need to be inside you.

and when you finally let him, he still can't stop. he groans loudly as he slides inside, mouth wide open and eyes screwed shut, sweat beginning to bead at his hairline. god, baby, feels good, so tight, so fucking good - his thrusts are sloppy, never able to find a steady rhythm - perfect, like you were made for me baby, so good, never wanna pull out, wanna fuck you forever.

most of his words are slurred and mumbled, far too drunk off your body around his throbbing cock to make any coherent thoughts. not like you're faring much better, though, what with yuuji fucking you like it's his last chance, his drippy cockhead rubbing against that sweet spot that makes you clench around him. yeah, fuck yeah baby, do that again, oh god, i'm gonna come, you're gonna make me come - he holds you close to his body, his arms wrapping around you as if he's afraid you'll disappear - please, please, so close, wanna come inside you, can i baby? wanna fill you up, oh god, please.

you're barely able to nod your head before he's spilling inside you, his forehead pressed against you as he catches his breath. fuck, thank you, thank you, don't deserve you, you're perfect - pressing soft and gentle kisses to wherever he can reach, his fingers moving down your body to make sure you get off - love you, love you so much baby, gonna make you feel good too, promise.

[alicornze7]

Silly guys goin' on silly adventures:]

@rorydrawsandwrites's puppeteer au but the only difference is that jax gives consent

My contribution to this wonderful au has been long overdue:')

Rambling in tags ehe (cw: ribbun:p)

Well maybe it's not the only difference

[hauntingofhouses]

We all already know Mizu and Akemi are narrative foils. But you know what? Lemme just say it, here's what I think:

Taigen and Mikio are foils.

Not necessarily to each other as individuals in the way that Mizu and Akemi juxtapose each other, but mostly in the contrast between their relationships with Mizu.

I've covered specific parallels between Taigen and Mikio in other posts I wrote; but as the number of parallels I'm noticing between them keeps piling up, I'm compelled to just compile them all in one post. So! This is, thus, the post in question.

First of all, let's look at their similarities.

1. Their status in society is the same. They are both samurai who lost their honour and have dreams of reclaiming it.

2. They are also both diligent as they strive to achieve this goal, they both care deeply about their work, but here as they begin to contrast, as the work in question and way they go about their goals is different:

For Mikio, his work is in taming and rearing horses; in order to prove himself, he must tame Kai—a willful and strong horse—and present it to his lord. For Taigen, his work is in sword fighting and martial arts; in order to prove himself, he must kill Mizu—a willful and strong swordsman—and present her dead body to his lord.

In the parallel above, not only are Taigen and Mikio contrasting each other, but Mizu and Kai are placed in comparison as well. And of course, Kai is Mizu's horse, and represents her. Which is why, when later, Mikio sells Kai off, it represents the way he is tossing Mizu (and their relationship) aside.

From there, the rest of the details of their character begin to contrast and juxtapose each other more clearly. So let's look at those differences, shall we?

Their backstory:

Mikio was a great samurai who was banished. A somebody to a nobody. Taigen was a fisherman’s son who rose to the top. A nobody to a somebody.

2. The first time we meet them on-screen:

Mikio is an adult. An older man. Mizu's superior in age. He is Mizu's to-be husband. A love interest. Taigen is a child. A young boy. Mizu's peer in age. He is Mizu's bully. An antagonist.

3. Their maturity and growth:

Mikio is mature, but stuck in his ways. Taigen is immature, but capable of changing and learning.

4. Their overall attitude:

Mikio is generally relaxed, easy-going and unfussy. Taigen is uptight, irritable and severe.

5. How they talk to and conduct themselves around Mizu:

Mikio is aloof, soft-spoken, and serious. Taigen is obnoxious, brash, and sarcastic. Mikio is quiet, speaking only when spoken to, even when Mizu turns to smile at him and shows openness to be near him. Taigen is loud, talking while others are silent, even when Mizu turns from him and shows no interest in conversing with him.

Mikio doesn't show much of who he is to Mizu throughout their marriage, despite their growing affection. Taigen openly shares his traumas and life story to Mizu during their brief alliance, despite their mutual antagonism.

6. Their external vs internal selves:

Mikio is calm, gentle, and considerate on the outside. Taigen is hot-headed, rude, and selfish on the outside. Mikio is cowardly and deceitful on the inside. Taigen is brave and loyal to a fault on the inside. Mikio tells Mizu that he wants to know and see all of her. But he scorns and betrays her, the woman he loves. Taigen tells Mizu that he wants to duel and kill him. But he endures torture to not betray him, the man he hates.

9. Their hair, a symbol of their honour:

Mikio's topknot is untied by Mizu during their spar. This humiliation occurs in private, the two of them alone in a rural location where no one can see them. Taigen's topknot is cut off by Mizu during their duel. This humiliation occurs in public, the two of them being watched by many others in the Shindo Dojo.

10. Their power dynamic with Mizu:

Mikio believes he is Mizu's mentor. He teaches her to throw knives, how to ride and care for horses, and about the tactical benefits of using a naginata. Taigen believes he is Mizu's equal. He views Mizu as a samurai like himself who received all the same teachings he did, and who possesses the same values.

11. Their perceptions of Mizu:

Mikio sees Mizu's feminine side first. He sees her as sweet and gentle, but also clumsy and incompetent. Taigen sees Mizu's masculine side first. He sees her as terrifying and deadly, but also strong and skilled.

12. The way they approach sparring with Mizu:

Mikio only spars with Mizu once. As the fight progresses and she is beating him, he tries to put a stop to it. When she teases/provokes him, he starts taking the fight personally and seriously, finding no enjoyment in it. Taigen spars and brawls with Mizu all the time. No matter how many times Mizu beats him, he doesn't back down. When Mizu challenges him with a chopstick, he is eager to compete with her and gladly rises up to the challenge.

Mikio and Mizu's one and only spar is a friendly match; Mizu is smiling and having fun while he grows increasingly frustrated. Taigen and Mizu's last-seen spar is a playful wrestling match; both him and Mizu are having fun and laughing.

Mikio cannot deal with Mizu being better than him, so he scorns her and walks off, avoiding her thereafter. When Taigen cannot deal with Mizu being better than him, he follows her to observe her moves and continues training in hopes to eventually beat her. After being bested by Mizu once, Mikio leaves her and sells the horse he'd previously gifted to her. After many times losing to Mizu and fighting alongside her, Taigen commends her and admits she is better than him.

13. When Mizu pins them down in a friendly spar:

Mikio sees Mizu's whole face objectively. Taigen stares at Mizu's mouth and eyes.

Mikio gets angry when she kisses him, throwing her off of him and snapping at her, calling her a monster. Taigen gets aroused, apologising, so she pulls herself off of him.

14. Mizu's blue meteorite sword is a reflection of her soul. She believes most are undeserving to face it, let alone hold it. And on that note:

Mikio is the first person (chronologically) that Mizu fights against using her sword. Taigen is the first person (we see on-screen) that Mizu fights against with her sword. Mikio is the first person (chronologically) to ever hold her sword, as she passes it to him, letting him wield it. Taigen is the first person (we see on-screen) to ever hold her sword, as she passes out, and he picks it up and carries it for her.

15. Then, last but not least, in Fowler's fortress, when she is drugged and in pain, she hears Ringo's voice in the dungeon. She then follows it to an open cell:

Mizu first sees Mikio as a hallucination, the sight of him haunting her and causing her to lose her grip on reality. Her eyes glow a surreal blue to represent this. Her Mama appears then and says Mizu's name accusingly.

Mizu then sees Taigen, but he is real, the sight of him a relief and grounding her back to reality. Her eyes return to their normal blue colour to represent this. Taigen looks at Mizu weakly and says her name softly.

Then, later, when facing Fowler, her revenge awaiting her, she instead chooses to follow her conscience (represented by Ringo's voice in her mind), putting aside her vengeance for a time, in order to save Taigen.

So that's basically all the ones I've noticed so far, but even then, I feel there's already so much that forms a contrast between these two.

What makes it especially incredible about these juxtapositions is that Mikio was Mizu's husband, the man she had fallen in love with, the one person she had ever been intimate with, the man who made her begin to accept herself, to put down her desire for vengeance and instead live a life of peace and happiness.

So for Taigen to have so many parallels with him... Do you see what I'm saying here!

Not to mention that Mizu clearly already has some burgeoning attraction to him, as indicated by how she thinks of him when asked about her desires. And Taigen clearly has shown interest as well (see: him getting a boner after their spar, him holding her hand and telling her, "We're not done yet.").

And on the topic of speculating future possibilities of this relationship, this post by @stromblessed has pointed out yet another parallel between Taigen and Mikio:

Mizu promises Taigen to meet him for their duel in autumn. Mizu fell in love with Mikio and duelled him during autumn.

With all that said, I do believe Mizu and Taigen's relationship is definitely hurtling towards something. But whether they will actually end up together in a sustainable relationship and have a happily ever after? Well, that is a whole other story; we'll just have to wait and see.

[nappingmoon]

nanami finds your perfect engagement ring -of course- but he is torn on the decision of the accompanying bands. he revisits the jeweler over weeks, standing before the glass and comparing the rings in the display to pieces of your favorite jewelry from past photos. they would all look so gorgeous and each unique ring aspect reminds him of a different part of you and, rather than leave any option behind, he gets a bunch. some have little emeralds, because the pop of green just compliments your skin tone so well. another is simple, just a band for your quieter days, when things get overwhelming. one stack of rings joins together like a little sun, and even with all the diamonds set in it, it cannot even hope to match half of your sparkle.

he gives each one to you on a different date. one night, he takes you for a beach stroll. you've just finished dinner at the most beautiful restaurant on the coast and as you walk hand in hand, your sandals in his free hand, you're focused on the sensation of the sand between your toes, and how the water feels lapping up before receding. when you turn around, he's got his eyes fixed on you. his gaze is soft and full of nothing but adoration and you watch him sneak his hand into the pocket of his pants before pulling out a stunning little band, decorated with small pearls. "kento, you did not!" you squeal, giddily making your way back to him, leaving small divots in the wet sand. you throw your arms around his neck without thought, and he grips on to the ring hard while his arms come around your back, intent on not dropping it. he replaced the sapphire embellished ring with the new one, perfectly fitting around your sparkling engagement ring. the blues were cute by the water but the pearls brought in such an elegant aspect. after taking a moment to admire it, you rise back to your tippy toes and bring your husband in for a kiss.

he smiles against your lips, pleased. "i take it, you like the ring?" he asks, as if he had even a smidge of doubt.

"it's perfect, my love." your response is echoed by the waves, the soft rumble of the ocean glittering under the moonlight only strengthening the resolve in your voice.

[despazito]

You're not being a dick! The dog world can be very convoluted.

Most reputable breeders show their dogs, and honestly it's a red flag if your breeder doesn't do any kind of activities with their animals (doesn't necessarily have to be conformation showing, can be any work/sports or obedience eventing).

Usually most of their puppies will go to pet homes, and breeders occasionally pick puppies they really like for showing/breeding prospects or opt to co-own with somebody who will show the dog under the kennel's name. The amount of puppies per litter who have showing potential can depend on how successful the parents are in the ring and how sought after the bloodlines are, but even if they look right they have to have a good temperament to be handled in the ring, and it's not uncommon for pups to fail that training and just become pets. There really shouldn't be a drastic range in soundness between show and pet quality puppies within the same litter or kennel. Most pups do end up in pet homes, and all show dogs are also beloved pets that are often extremely spoiled and doted on!

All these puppies will receive the same care and upbringing show quality or not, although I will say there are instances of puppies being put to sleep for being born without signature breed traits such as ridgeless Rhodesian ridgebacks, but nowadays that's a fringe minority. A good breeder will want all their puppies going to good homes regardless of showdog potential where they will all hopefully have the best QOL.

As for being "better off" if they're closer to the breed standard, that really depends on the standard! Most standards are fine, but here's an illustration of an ideal English bulldog from the American EB club:

imo a dog bred away from this standard to have a longer snout and less bulkiness that has a lower likelihood of developing brachycephalic obstructive airway syndrome, a condition which hinders QOL, would be 'better' than one bred closer to standard. This is why I'm cautious of the assumption that breeding to standard=breeding to health, because a handful of standards straight up encourage unhealthy traits..

That being said, someone not breeding to standard and not showing their dogs really should have solid reasoning and an explanation of their goals as a breeder. Because folks who simply "want to breed pets" with random dogs are almost always backyard breeders who breed unsound dogs with dubious temperaments. If they aren't producing working dogs or have extensive history with dogs and are working on, say, an outcross project or trying to solve a health issue within their breed that involves straying from the standard I would be weary of them (and an intensively researched outcross project is not the same as simply breeding doodles, the breeder should have a rigorous health testing scheme for the parents and choose the cross based on more than just how cute the puppies will look and the catchiness of the designer name. if it sounds like they're pulling something out of their ass to justify the breeding, i would leave).

in theory, getting a puppy from titled showdog parents should be an assurance of quality. it shows the parents are even tempered enough to perform in a show ring with many other intact dogs and be handled and touched all over by the judges without any aggression (very green flag if you're looking into serious breeds known for being temperamental). but not all clubs imo have strict enough health screening policies, so sadly a champion parent is not an automatic guarantee that your pup is free of inheritable disease, some of which can be sadly quite nasty. in the very worst cases a breeder can even ignore their dogs hereditary issues because the dog is very pretty and wins ribbons, and you can't always count on club authorities to pull poorly dogs from the ring. this is why i think there needs to be more veterinary involvement in conformation judging and non-optional screenings to enter based on common health issues seen in the breed. you'd be surprised how lax some health screening criteria can be even in the highest rungs of conformation.

in conclusion, it really depends on the breed and the breeder. the best thing you can do is your own research, get familiar with common health issues in your desired breed, and ask your prospective breeder if they've done the proper testing. ask ask ask. a good breeder should be proud of their kennel and bloodlines, if they're cagey run away!!

[amoralmorel]

song: just a girl by no doubt

[youtube link]

[b4kuch1n]

wizard of both ways

[the-other-soup]

hhrrrrrrrrrgg lucifer vagina

[shakingparadigm]

may i ask your opinions on what ivan is truly like ?

( without pretending to be someone or something else entirely ? )

Okay !! Finally back to answering asks !! Once again, please be mindful of the fact that these are mostly my own personal thoughts. Always take them with a grain of salt.

The thing is, Ivan is an incredibly difficult character. He was written to be complex and multi-faceted, literally having more than just one "face". His actions almost always have another layer of depth to them and he tends to contradict himself, further complicating people's perception of him. It's not easy to pin him down, and that was exactly the intent. They made sure that the viewers wouldn't be able to fully grasp his emotions.

( I find this fact rather funny, because in one of the behind posts QMENG herself says that sometimes Ivan does things she cannot understand. The creators just allow Ivan to be complicated. He is what he is, and while there are undoubtedly reasons for it, the full truth remains unknown to us. )

Regardless, this is what I personally think.

Ivan seems to define himself by his imperfection, so much so that his actions and perspectives are influenced by his deep self-hatred. It's established that Ivan is "lacking" something, he is fundamentally different from others. Ivan builds himself around this since he literally has nothing else. He defines himself by his lack of definition. The fact that he is different and needs to be "cured". Ivan grows attached to the qualities that he "lacks", drawn to the biggest personality in the garden like a moth to a flame. He is fascinated, not envious, and I think that says a lot about him. He places those qualities on a pedestal, believing them to be so much better than himself. He feels that it's something he will never achieve or deserve, something he can't have.

It's interesting that the only time we can pin Ivan as "envious" is not when he's faced with his opposite, but with his parallel. Someone he believed to be just like him.

One thing about Ivan is that he is (unsurprisingly) lonely. Since his entire life is defined by this feeling of separation from others (either literally through the segyein's selection or more intangibly through his mental and emotional difference from others), Ivan feels constantly isolated. Nobody has been able to properly understand him, which further worsens the feeling that something is wrong with him.

When he finally finds someone that he can relate with, it brings him a sense of relief. Note that when Ivan refers to (what he perceives as) their similarity, he uses derogatory language. Twisted. This is how he views himself.

( translation is by @sorrowcure ! )

Compared to his interactions with others, his confrontation with Sua is uncomfortably honest. Ivan is most critical with the person he relates to, further emphasizing how deeply critical he is of himself. Ivan is not envious of Till or Mizi, who are so fundamentally different from him, he's envious of Sua because she is just like him yet has something that he doesn't.

It may feel unfair for the one person you saw yourself in to accomplish something so out of your reach. Her love was reciprocated in full, adored and revered by the person she loved most. They weren't the same, after all. It reinforces what he always believed to be true: he was alone.

( translation by @/oreganocactus on Twitter! )

There are many other instances of Ivan's self-deprecation and low sense of self-worth that leak into his behavior, such as down-playing himself in his interview, referring to his own feelings as "shallow", convincing himself that he was never truly cared about, etc. His deep dissatisfaction of himself rises to the surface quite often, shown in the way that he takes pride in his achievements (his work), yet cannot view himself as a person in a positive light.

INTERVIEWER: What do you think is your charm?

IVAN: I can't really think of any, because I think I have more flaws (haha),

To me, a lot of the "actual" Ivan can be seen in his younger self. It's not a complete display of what Ivan is truly like, obviously. He was a child and hadn't yet developed in certain areas. Still, it's a period in Ivan's life where he didn't mask or play up a different image. The quiet, stoic, and blunt Ivan seems to be a more genuine side of him, at least compared to his more charming persona. QMENG considered Ivan with his hair down to be "most like himself", and I think it's no coincidence that the most memorable version of Ivan with his hair down is his child self. The infamous Bowl Cut Ivan.

With this fact in mind, I also find it no coincidence that in ROUND 6, where Ivan is presented as a "perfect actor" in costume, he starts off with his hair slicked back.

And when he finally drops the mask, when he acts out of his own volition, his hair falls onto his face. Hair down, most like himself.

Another notable instance of Ivan's hair being down is the casino/karaoke room scene, which was quoted as an example for Ivan's emotional immaturity, his supposed "childishness".

There's so much to be said about Ivan, including the neurodivergent/autistic traits that have been discussed by other people in more depth (notably his difficulty in understanding/expressing certain emotions, his masking, his often misconstrued actions, etc). There's also many of Ivan's more conflicting aspects (which seem mostly confined to the patreon? so I'm not sure if they're still planning to incorporate it into the publicly official content or if it was overhauled), but I'm going to stop here because I feel like this post is already pretty random and disconnected.

The gist of it is that I don't think I can give a solid answer on what Ivan is truly like. I'm not even sure if he can answer that, as he seems to be at war with himself quite frequently. Ivan, under his charming and cheery facade, is unable to feel or express emotion in the same way other people do, which causes difficulty and struggle in many other aspects of his life. Not like the one he has is completely his anyway, but, you know.

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

albus "I hope I die first, because I can't live without you" potter

and

scorpius "I hope I die second, so I can save you from that grief" malfoy

[natsmagi]

a key element and constant theme of tsumugis character is neglect and the various ways it manifests and how he was neglected by his family severely as a child in multiple cases such as parents forgetting to feed him being abandoned by his father and brother and then how this series of neglect continues throughout tsumugis life by feeling abandoned when ex-fine disbanded but because tsumugi is so caught up in making sure those he cares about (sora and natsume) get what they want and deserve in their idol careers he fails to realize he is repeating that cycle of neglect. many times we see natsume worry that tsumugi is going to leave him and switch behind, that he is going to abandon the promise they made together as kids like this is a CONSTANT fear of natsumes and i feel like tsumugi is repeating the exact same mistakes his mother made in this regard. constantly overworking herself despite being a good-for-nothing, getting into scams due to her religious and superstitious nature being taken advantage of, being an emotional wreck that crumbles under pressure yet is immensely loved and admired by tsumugi to the point where he considered following in her footsteps by being a teacher (which, again, made natsume think tsumugi was abandoning their promise to each other) even if he also pities her. and i think that, during his childhood in baby tsumugis little brain, he took his mothers displays of emotions as a negative. those feelings were hurting his mom, making her upset, so his solution was to just not feel at all, all the while he makes the exact same mistakes she made, now just while completely disconnected. everything we know about tsumugis mom apart from her being overly emotional is a direct parallel to tsumugi from making and maintaining connections and being naturally loved by others to her appearing "hopeless" with work and being incredibly misfortunate. tsumugis mom neglected him alot as a child due to being overworked, overly emotional, and going through her own kind of hell, yet tsumugi recognizes that she did her best and still expresses love for her when talking about her, even though hes aware of her many bad habits. And, again, tsumugi inadvertently mirrors the exact same mistakes his mom did in trying to make tsumugi live a happy life (constantly trying new businesses and failing, falling for scams out of desperation) when trying to make sora and natsume happy (aka being too busy with work that would benefit the unit to spend time with them). Making the mistake of thinking if he just works hard enough they can be happy, when what will make them happy is his company. a lesson his mother, who not only got abandoned by her husband but also her own SON, never got to learn. But sure yea tsumugis mom was a physically abusive alcoholic who would deliberately harm tsumugi as a child and thats why hes ok with natsume hitting him and lets not even bother tackling the role the men in tsumugis life mightve played in him being numb to physical harm because clearly its the emotionally unstable woman tsumugi has expressed love for whose solely to blame who gives a shit anymore

[windcarvedlyre]

Rewatched part of ch1's trial and found something else that's really interesting in hindsight!

We're all familiar with Komaeda's FTE; over a decade later, there's still some room for debate wrt whether he was telling the truth about his diagnoses or not. My stance was already that he was telling the truth, instantly regretted it, and lied that he was lying, and I will die on that hill. I think the above lines reinforce my stance further.

Hear me out. I might as well make this a comprehensive 'Komaeda wasn't lying' post while I'm at it.

For reference, here's the entire final FTE.

The reasons I already had to believe him are as follows, ordered from strongest to weakest:

Komaeda almost died from despair disease; he was much more severely affected than Owari and Mioda. Lymphoma can weaken your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable to infections. While Komaeda's degree of illness could also have been due to bad luck, this could easily be an intentional hint about him.

He claims he's wanted someone's love all along. Again in chapter 3, after the trial, Tsumiki targets his lack of loved ones and seems to genuinely perturb him, indicating this is a real insecurity:

Behavioural variant frontotemporal dementia, or bvFTD, can have symptoms that align with a lot of his social and behavioural issues in the game. bvFTD symptoms can include saying socially inappropriate things/being rude and insensitive, rash/impulsive behaviour, empathy issues, and rigid thinking, among other things. Do I even need to cite examples of these? He can still hide things and manipulate people sometimes, but his ch4 investigation segment proves he's genuinely socially impaired. He sometimes fails to understand the emotional nuances of other people and the impact his words will have. For example:

(Though he still has moments of self-awareness and introspection; he acknowledges he's pessimistic in his introduction and worries he'll make Hinata hate him by saying weird things in Island Mode.)

Issues with memory, cognition in general, etc, are more of a thing in later stages of the disease, so Komaeda having significant social impairments but still being extremely sharp and lacking noticeable lapses in memory makes sense.

Physically Komaeda just doesn't seem healthy in general. He's pale, skinny, his hair is white (possibly fading into a pinkish brown that I could see being his hair colour in the past), and- at least in Japanese- he sounds really breathy and wheezy. I once laughed in a way uncannily similar to his ch1 breakdown when I had a chest infection. With asthma. Stage 3 lymphoma symptoms can include chest pain, shortness of breath, weight loss, loss of appetite and fatigue. If it's still stage 3 it's present in lymph nodes above and below the diaphragm but hasn't metastasized outside of the lymphatic system yet, but if it's advanced to stage 4 since his diagnosis then it may have spread to his lungs as well- having further potential to cause respiratory issues.

In his second-last FTE he starts to tell Hinata about something before he entered Hope's Peak but stops himself, not wanting to 'burden' Hinata. And leaves immediately to end the conversation. He'd just told Hinata how his parents died in front of him, showing zero awareness of how bad it was or how it would affect Hinata, so it must have been real bad for him to do this. And makes it less plausible he was impulsively repeating something from a book later, imo.

Iirc at least one spinoff manga runs with it being true, depicting him in a doctor's office during a nightmare. I'm too tired to hunt this down now; maybe I'll edit it in later.

On a meta level I just find it less compelling for the final reward for spending so much time with him to be 'Here's some actual vulnerability- lol psyche, remember he's manipulative? He might still want sympathy, you be the judge'. It would make the aborted confession at the end the only thing we can't infer from elsewhere in the game already. On the other hand, the diagnoses being real, and him trying to take it back and distract Hinata with an incitement to kill him (before also trying to confess his crush and aborting that too, he's a mess there), really really adds depth to his character.

Semi-tangentially, some people with bvFTD also develop neurological problems that affect movement- eg. making them slow and stiff. There's no evidence for or against Komaeda having this in canon afaik, and I've read it's more of a thing in later stages of the disease, but in the ch1 trial he talks about the threatening letter as if it's in his actual handwriting, and if so... it looks pretty stiff, doesn't it? Either it was angular on purpose or the writer has trouble with fluid hand movements. Let me know if he displays fine motor skills anywhere else, I guess.

The only real counterargument is that he's outlived the 6-12 months he was expected to, but:

The estimate is presumably from the cancer, which is treatable. FTD can take years and years, even 10+, to reach the later stages.

That's an estimate, not set in stone, and real people have survived after being told they have X months to live without supernatural luck.

In either case, it doesn't matter how dire the prognosis is if Komaeda's involved. If the chance of him surviving something isn't zero it will probably happen. When he finally managed to kill himself it wasn't even real.

Anyway, the thing I started the post with! Compare the lines below.

In both cases he's said something that could make others feel bad for him, immediately takes it back, and claims he did that on purpose.

But he wasn't actually lying in the first line, albeit hamming it up a little. He wanted someone to kill him. This happened while he was still pretending to be the killer, after Saionji asked him why he sent the letter. He dropped a hint about the truth and then deflected away from it, likely intentionally antagonising people to distract them from thinking too hard about what he just implied and make them more averse to empathising with him.

So what could that imply about the lines from his FTE?

TL;DR: He told the truth about having cancer and dementia, your honour. There's not only strong evidence for this but precedent for the sort of deflection he made afterwards.

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

[You Gotta Know That This Won't Last]

《▪︎▪︎》

TW/CW - Discussions of Death

《▪︎▪︎》

Or - Icarus Morningstar's will.

《▪︎▪︎》

The quill feels heavy in their hand - despite it being rather light.

The bandages (blood and potion stained alike) wrapped around their hands - their gloves, blood stained and littered with memories Icarus so desperately wants to shove away, long discarded - keep the quill from shifting in shaky hands.

Their eyes are unfocused, goggles discarded around their neck, and their hair loose and wild around their face. (It hangs too long. Icarus should cut it. Objectively speaking, they should. People could use it to their advantage if they get into a fight. People could hurt them really bad if they get ahold of his hair.)

(The only problem is that Icarus can't find the energy to care.)

(Icarus couldn't find the energy to do a lot.)

They're leaned against the table, quill hovering empty above the sheet of paper - their hand and forearm settled fully against the wood; their other hand tangled into knotted hair, elbow braced and tense against their desk. (The ink beside their arm was shifting colors, sporadic and glitching (just like their chest). It takes a moment, but eventually, Quixis seems to settle on a shimmering blue-ish purple.)

The tears bubble quietly, building and blurring their vision but never quite falling. A sob threatens to build, fall from their lips and spill every built-up emotion, but it never does - swallowed back and held at bay as they attempt to regin their breathing back in. (There was nobody here. Fable was out doing whatever he did when no one was there to watch. Rae wouldn't be coming back. No one could come in or out unless they were Icarus or Fable because of the Watchers. No one was here. They could cry. They were allowed to, here; like this.)

(The only problem is that if Icarus starts crying, they don't think they'll be able to stop.)

"It's-" Their voice is rough, coarse even to their own ears. Their ear-wings pull close, flinching slightly at the sound. (They haven't talked in a while. They didn't think they could, right now. Their throat still feels closed and tight and everything still seems too much. Powering through pain and discomfort to reassure themself and others was something they've gotten rather good at.) They swallow, closing their eyes for a moment before forcing them back open. The quill presses to the paper, but they don't move to write. "It's just in case." Their voice is breathy and quiet, and they're honestly surprised the tears haven't fallen quite yet. "It's- It's just in case. Because- Because he'll fix it. He'll fix it and I'll be- I'll be okay." They pause, squeezing their hair tight in their hand and pressing the quill impossibly deeper into the paper. "I'll be okay. It's- It's just in case."

(Icarus is dying. They all tried with Momboo - there is no fixing it. Centross fixed Ven. (Fable fixed himself.) But Centross was dead. And Icarus is starting to doubt Fable ever had plans to bring him back.)

(Maybe they'd even die near the cave.)

(What a horrible thought to think.)

They start writing with shaky hands, teary eyes, and a rabbit-ing heart; scrawling the blue-ish purple ink across the near inky white pages.

-----

Precautionary measures - Just in case anything were to happen suddenly.

-----

The words feel stilted despite the fact they were written down and not spoken; Icarus far out of their element.

(They were supposed to be dead anyway - what did it matter?)

(If they died, who cares? No one likes them anyway.)

(Wouldn't be the first time, either.)

-----

The last will of one Icarus Morningstar; prince and heir to both the Gilded and Morningstar kingdoms, and Creation's child.

-----

A few stray drops of blood fall off their chin, soaking into the paper and staining it. Ironic, considering the paper's content.

(Icarus was starting to really hate blood.)

They blink, letting out a small sigh as they read over the few words they've written.

(Calling themself Creation's child left a bitter taste in their mouth.)

-----

To

-----

They stare at the word, contemplating who's name should follow it.

(Contemplating if they even tried to add their father.)

(What more could he take, anyway?)

-----

Rae - I'm sure your science, overthinking brain is trying to figure out how you could've saved me - despite everything that's happened between us. I always loved you for that.

-----

Tears fall silently into the paper, their lip wobbling slightly.

-----

To you, my brother, I leave much. Mainly, any and all books related to Quixis and the Wack. As I'm sure you want to figure that out as much as I do. I also leave some nesting materials - you're stressed and gods know you need blankets and things of that sort to help calm you down.

To Athena - I'm sorry I've been kinda shitty. You didn't deserve that. But, there's not a lot I can do to make up for it now. (Because if you're reading this, I'm dead. Duh.) To you, I leave my potioning supplies. Books, ingredients, things of the like. And, like Rae, I also leave some nesting materials. I'm not quite sure what you put in your den - but, I hope the thought counts.

-----

(They don't think they like doing this anymore.)

Their hand was starting to hurt. Fingers tense and stiff with old scar tissue, and aching with the rain and cold that seemed to permeate around them.

(They just wanna go home.)

Their eyes seem to burn the longer the tears fall, the salty liquid soaking into the paper below.

(When did they stop thinking of this place like home?)

The ink seems to spread at every little drop, purple spreading into a deep blue.

(A while ago.)

-----

To Ari and Ven - I miss you guys. You really helped, during all of that. Even if me and Ari spent most of our time together arguing. It was a good distraction from everything else. To the two of you - anything of mine that was in the office. I know it's not much. But you can take whatever of it you'd like.

-----

They stare at their words a moment longer - scratching words into the bottom of the paper before promptly striking them out - before they toss the quill aside and fold the sheet up.

The dirt and dust from their table coats the outside of the paper, obscuring any ink that might've seeped through and making them move their focus to the dirt residing under talon-like nails. (There was blood under them too. They were trying not to think about that)

(They were failing.)

They swallow, huffing quietly as they stare at the folded will atop their desk. They weren't just going to leave it there, that wouldn't be a very fun conversation. They didn't really have another secure place to put it, however.

Well - they do suppose they can keep it on them. In their pocket. A constant reminder of what's to come.

And so, that's what they do; standing from their seat with creaky bones, stretching and shaking their wings out behind them, before grabbing the paper and placing it inside one of the inner pockets on their coat. (Despite the paper weighing hardly anything, it felt like weight after weight after weight had been added to their pocket.)

They sigh, shaking their head with a small noise.

They shift, turning and crossing the room to their nest in long strides. (The avian in them trills at their nest, even if it was mostly their own clothes and the periodic stolen Centross shirt. The more human part of them hates it; wants to break and destroy and tear apart.)

(The human part of them cares about what their father thinks.)

They shake their head, settling in with a small chirp - ignoring the weight in their pocket.

(They curl around something of Centross'. The scent and the texture and the everything about it making their bird brain so incredibly pleased and comforted.)

(It didn't even feel like they had just written their own will. Just written the very thing that no one wants to write.)

(Maybe it was for the best it didn't feel like they had just written it.)

-----

To Centross - To you, whatever is left of me. Bury me somewhere pretty, why don't you?

《▪︎▪︎》

[sminiac]

I think that since there tends to be this preconceived notion that men of a taller, bigger stature are more dominant leaning (and a lot of the time I completely agree) but I can’t help but think about Sub!Sungchan, and how he wouldn’t necessarily be the eager to please, overly whiny kind of submissive, but more of a soft, dimmed version of himself, just wants to be taken care of- to have the ability to sit back and allow himself to be taken care of, yk?

Like very intimate, emotional sex where he’s just completely and utterly yours for the time being, allows you to do whatever you please because he knows that he’s safe, that he’s in good hands, that you’ll make him feel good, so, so good.

Sweet thing, can’t help but love the overstimulation you drive him to, his long fingers squeezing at your arms, taut moans in your ears as he digs the heels of his feet into the bed, forcing himself to take it, because he knows what comes after this, and it’ll feel better than he could ever imagine, better than he could ever force himself through with the effort of only his own hand when you’re unable to see him.

Mewling out breathy pleas as big tears ball into the outer corner of his pretty eyes, lashes clumping as they slip down past his temples, his head thrown back, but when it’s not then he’s angling himself as best as he can to see the way your fist runs slick in up and down motions over his cock, the tip a pretty shade of red, poking out from behind your fingers, drives him crazy.

Once you’re satisfied the poor thing is absolutely spent, his chest heaving, arm thrown over his eyes, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t take more, cue the very sweet, soft sex part that consists of even more tears. His lips blown into a swollen pink mess, so pretty with the moisture he licks into them, a mix of his tears introduced when you thumb softly at his face, whispering the most meaningful praises his ears would ever hear.

So pretty under you, can’t take his eyes off of your face even through his cloudy vision, the way you gently work yourself on his cock, how untethered he feels from the outside world, because when he’s got you, it’s as good as gone. “Love you- I love you s’much.” He’d try to say through a mouth that’s thick with saliva, his register heightened, slack with emotion, the muscles in his face contracting in a weak attempt to refrain from letting a sob wrack his chest.

Just wants you to call him pretty while you hold his face, swiping away the steady stream of tears, fucking him into an untouchable amount bliss.