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theartofdreaming1 · 3 years ago

Photo

Katniss, Peeta, and Haymitch are slowly becoming a proper team! No more secrets! (for the most part)

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and (many) random thoughts on chapters 4-6 are below the cut.

heart

Losing that comfort of sleeping in each other’s arms after the Victory Tour must have been hard for Katniss and Peeta! Up until Katniss hurts her ankle, they probably didn’t really do much about it, just trying to make it through on their own... After she hurt her ankle and Peeta’s spending more time over at her place, I can easily imagine him staying over, at least until she’s fallen asleep, which might help a little... Since they are living only three houses apart from each other, I like to imagine that they can see each other’s bedroom windows from their bedroom (how else would Katniss know that Peeta sleeps with the windows open? I can’t really imagine that they would be able to open the windows of the train they were on - y’know, for “safety reasons” (i.e. making sure nobody can escape)); maybe they’d both light a candle and put it by their window, as a signal they are going to sleep... It’s not the same, but it helps a little

mind

I mean, aside from the systemic rigging of the reaping system (i.e. poorer people generally having more entries, so they can have some food), I can easily imagine there being a manipulation of the “odds” when someone becomes too vocal or troublesome for the local authorities, such as someone trying to unionize a district’s workforce, for example

soul

In the districts, their impact has to be big - their win alone was a huge defiance of the Games as they used to be... sticking together and sticking up for each other ultimately led to them defeating the Capitol’s rules! In-between the Games and the Victory Tour I don’t think there was much noteworthy going on (although maybe the fact that, so far, none of the new victors’ loved ones had been hurt - Prim, Mrs. E., but also Gale and his family would be visible during the celebrations, I’m sure, same probably goes for the Mellark’s - might tell the people in the district that Snow and his cronies were aware of the attention any assassination attempt would gather and that this, in turn, might actually could become the last straw that would spark a revolution. In a way, that was proof that the people on top were at least a little afraid of what the people in the districts would do...) And then, especially during the visit of D11, with Katniss expressing her thanks and Peeta reaching out to share their winnings with the people from D11, another district than their own - it must have provided a lot of inspiration, I’m sure.

As for the Capitolites, maybe some of them would notice for once how unhappy/riled up the people in some of the districts were... or at least stop to think about how this time, a show of love and companionship actually provided more “entertainment” and intrigue than the brutal gore and bloodshed from previous Games (also, longer lasting - there is actually much more “story” to be had from the star-crossed lovers from D12 than from any individual winner of previous Games, if you think about it... Their “love story” is still on-going, with an upcoming wedding and the promise of a family... it’s still creepy and voyeuristic as hell, though)

Chapter 4

Everything he [Haymitch] said was true about the Capitol’s expectations, my future with Peeta, even his last comment. Of course, I could do a lot worse than Peeta. That isn’t really the point, though, is it? One of the few freedoms we have in District 12 is the right to marry who we want or not marry at all. And now even that has been taken away from me. - God, this sucks so much! As Katniss rightly points out, her misery isn’t about Peeta at all - it’s about her (and also his, just pointing that out) agency being taken away! She’s being stripped even of that little sliver of agency that inhabitants of D12 usually have (choice of whom to marry, or whether to marry at all)

I wonder if President Snow will insist we have children. - Eugh, just the idea of Snow being the one to have the last word on that subject... 🤢 The invasion of privacy here... - The only person who should get to decide whether Katniss should have children or not is Katniss herself! Period!

My mind searches frantically for a way out. I can’t let President Snow condemn me to this. Even if it means taking my own life. Before that, though, I’d try to run away. - Boy, Katniss is even contemplating taking her own life, rather than to submit to the life the Capitol wants to force on her; it’s not her first choice (she’d rather run away), but it shows the desperation she’s feeling

Could I even manage to take everyone I love with me, start a new life deep in the wild? Highly unlikely but not impossible. - Later we will see that Peeta and Haymitch also belong into the category of “people Katniss loves” 😊(as well as her family, Gale, and his fam, of course)

“And Peeta’s team is probably still asleep.” “Doesn’t he need prepping?” I ask. “Not the way you do,” Effie replies. What does this mean? It means I get to spend the morning having the hair ripped off my body while Peeta sleeps in. I hadn’t thought about it much, but in the arena at least some of the boys got to keep their body hair whereas none of the girls did. - Gotta love that everlasting sexism that, even far into the future, still won’t allow women to have frickin’ body hair (y’know, like most humans do 🙄)

I can remember Peeta’s now, as I bathed him by the stream. Very blond in the sunlight, once the mud and blood had been washed away. Only his face remained completely smooth. Not one of the boys grew a beard, and many were old enough to. I wonder what they did to them. - Katniss seems to have committed every single detail about Peeta to her memory, including how his body hair looked when she cleaned him in the last Games... okay 👀😏 On a more somber note, what is it that the Capitol is doing to these poor kids?! The boys couldn’t grow beards and - I’m assuming - the girls wouldn’t get their periods while in the arena (since the Games can last for weeks, it would be a huge disadvantage if any of the girls also had to content with cramps + periods - aside from worrying about getting murdered, I mean); it’s such a violation of one’s autonomy over one’s own body, yikes

Flavius tilts up my chin and sighs. “It’s a shame Cinna said no alterations on you.” “Yes, we could really make you something special,” says Octavia. “When she’s older,” says Venia almost grimly. “Then he’ll have to let us.” - Eeek, no thanks!😦 And frankly, it really shouldn’t be Cinna’s call to make but, y’know, Katniss’s!!! I don’t know, I get real panick-y just reading this exchange (I have never even gotten my ears pierced - my mom wouldn’t let them be pierced until I could make my own decision on that subject matter and as someone with skin issues and bad experiences with needles, I really don’t feel the need to have any unnecessary metal inserted into my body, so... I’m good)

His [Peeta’s] apology takes me by surprise. It’s true that Peeta froze me out after I confessed that my love for him during the Game was something of an act. But I don’t hold it against him. [...] “I’m sorry, too,” I say. [...] “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. You were keeping us alive.” - That apology of Peeta’s... *chef’s kiss*; it was totally understandable that Peeta was upset and needed some time apart from Katniss after her confession, which had caught him completely by surprise, not even Katniss blames him for that... But his apology shows that he really made use of their time apart to work out his emotions and to reflect on both their situations - that’s some emotional maturity to be envious of! Plus, his apology is a good move to get their communication channel opened up again

It would be nice if he’d come to me with this earlier, before I knew that President Snow had other plans and just being friends was not an option for us anymore. But either way, I’m glad we’re speaking again. - Come on, Katniss, cut this boy some slack! He can’t read minds - how is he supposed to know about these things if you don’t tell him anything? It’s nice that you’re glad that you guys are on speaking terms again, but communication isn’t a one-way street, y’know?

I remember the tiger lily cookie and, now that Peeta is talking to me again, it’s all I can do not to recount the whole story about President Snow. But I know Haymitch wouldn’t want me to. I’d better stick to small talk. - Katniss really should have listened to her instincts here - Haymitch might have a better idea of how the Games/Capitol works, but he knows little about teamwork, which is an important factor in their specific (and unprecedented!) situation; I’m not blaming Katniss for relying on her mentor here, but this entire approach is going to crash and burn in the next chapter

It’s good to feel his fingers entwined with mine again, not for show but in actual friendship. We walk back to the train hand in hand. - Not to say that you can’t have friendships where you frequently hold hands - you totally can - but it is noteworthy that I don’t think I can recall Katniss holding hands with any of her other friends... (somehow, I can’t really picture Katniss holding hands with Gale casually like that... nor with Madge or Finnick later on)

At the door, I remember, “I’ve got to apologize to Effie first.” “Don’t be afraid to lay it on thick,” Peeta tells me.- There is something about this exchange that speaks to me... maybe because it reads like some sort of an inside joke between them? Or because it shows that, despite being on good terms with Effie, Peeta’s totally aware of how high-maintenance/over the top Effie is... I dunno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Peeta has painted the Games. Some you wouldn’t get right away, if you hadn’t been with him in the arena yourself. Water dripping through the cracks in our cave. The dry pond bed. [...] Others any viewer would recognize. The golden horn called the Cornucopia. [...] And me. I am everywhere. [...] “What do you think?” he asks. “I hate them,” I say. I can almost smell the blood, the dirt, the unnatural breath of the mutt. - These are the pieces Peeta meant to exhibit in the Capitol, right? I wonder if he hoped that these paintings of his impressions/memories of the Games might actually connect with some Capitolites and might even move them to feel some empathy for the Tributes? Maybe he hoped that they would be more receptive for that kind of thing if he packaged it in art?

“All I do is go around trying to forget the arena and you’ve brought it back to life. How do you remember these things so exactly?” “I see them every night,” he says. [...] “Me too. Does it help? To paint them out?” “I don’t know. I think I’m a little less afraid of going to sleep at night, or I tell myself I am,” he says. “But they haven’t gone anywhere.” - I do wonder, whether and how painting out these moments could have therapeutic value for Peeta - on the one hand, the act of painting out specific intrusions/flashbacks might be helpful because he’d end up focusing on the more technical side of painting, y’know? Focussing on mixing the right shade of a certain color might help create some emotional distance from the moment itself... also, since painting usually takes some time, Peeta would actually spend a considerable amount of time facing these moments head on, rather than trying to avoid them (avoidance tends to increase the frequency of flashback/intrusions) and maybe spending so much time on them could also help him contextualize them within the broader narrative of his life, which is the basic principle behind Narrative Exposure Therapy, which is said to be pretty effective at treating PTSD... just my two cents

I can’t believe the size of District 11. “How many people do you think live here?” Peeta asks. I shake my head. In school they refer to it as a large district, that’s all. No actual figures on the population. - Perfect example of how tightly the Capitol controls the information the people in the districts have about the other districts... which is basically nothing. Let’s keep them in the dark so they are less likely to connect with each other and band together...

Cinna comes in with a pretty orange frock patterned with autumn leaves. I think how much Peeta will like the color. - Lol, Katniss bringing everything back to Peeta because she definitely hasn’t a crush on the guy, I see 😉

And then he [Peeta] hesitates before adding something that wasn’t written on the card. Maybe because he thought Effie might make him remove it. “It can in no way replace your losses, but as a token of our thanks we’d like for each of the tributes’ families from District Eleven to receive one month of our winnings every year for the duration of our lives.” - Peeta, the rebel! Talk about an act of radical kindness! I’m so proud of him. But also, I think this is another excellent example of how he and Katniss are on the same wavelength (this took me some time to find, but here you go): I silently say good-bye to Thresh and thank him for my life. I promise to remember him and, if I can, do something to help his family and Rue’s, if I win. (Ch. 23, THG)

I look at Peeta and he gives me a sad smile. I hear Haymitch’s voice. “You could do a lot worse.” At this moment, it’s impossible to imagine how I could do any better. The gift... it is perfect. So when I rise up on tiptoe to kiss him, it doesn’t seem forced at all. - Peeta: does anything that exemplifies his sense of morality; Katniss: *swoons* - but honestly, it is so beautiful how Katniss is so attracted to Peeta’s goodness and kind heart - it also tells us a lot about her (she is quite pure, as Peeta will point out later in this book) and what she values

“Wait, please.” I don’t know how to start, but once I do, the words rush from my lips as if they’ve been forming in the back of my mind for a long time. - And then Katniss launches into one of her spontaneous, heart-felt, and inspiring speeches/acts, expressing her thanks, sympathy, and a sense of kinship with people beyond the borders of her district, beyond the superficial barriers the Capitol has been trying to maintain in order to weaken the ‘common folk‘ and keep the exploitation going

The full impact of what I’ve done hits me. It was not intentional - I only meant to express my thanks - but I have elicited something dangerous. An act of dissent from the people of District 11. - Again, Katniss has done something that will solidify her as a symbol of the revolution without intending to do so and that’s the point, I think - she inspires people through her genuine displays of caring for others (which, in Panem, is already rebellious on its own)

Chapter 5

“We’re going!” says Peeta, shoving the Peacekeeper who’s pressing on me. “We get it, all right? Come on, Katniss.” His arm encircles me and guides me back into the Justice Building. - Protective Peeta! Also, I think it’s interesting to note the wording of Peeta’s arms “encircling” Katniss and then “guiding” her - his arms surround her, and he’s leading her away from harm (at least to the extent that is in his power - can’t really be safe from harm in Panem, can you?), but it doesn’t seem smothering or oppressive to Katniss in any way -”guide” has more of a connotation of giving direction without force, imo; in contrast, when Katniss talked about her kiss with Gale she mentions she’d never imagined how those hands [...] could as easily entrap me. (Ch. 2, CF); granted, these are two very different situations - the phrasing just stood out to me

“What happened?” Effie hurries over. “We lost the feed just after Katniss’s beautiful speech, and then Haymitch said he thought he heard gun fire, and I said it was ridiculous, but who knows? There are lunatics everywhere!” - Very telling how a clueless Capitolite like Effie wouldn’t register the rebellious aspect of Katniss’s speech; by keeping the Capitolites in the depths of sweet, sweet ignorance while simultaneously harshly trying to curb any spark of rebellion by cutting off the feed, the government is actually drawing the attention of the ignorant Capitolites to the act of rebellion itself (and also letting the people in the districts know that there was something censor-worthy going on); kind of shooting themselves in the foot here

As far as I know, Haymitch has only been here once, when he was on his Victory Tour decades ago. But he must have a remarkable memory or reliable instincts, because he leads us up through a maze of twisting staricases and increasingly narrow halls. [...] Eventually we climb a ladder to a trapdoor. When Haymitch pushes it aside, we find ourselves in the dome of the Justice Building. - I wonder how Haymitch has come to know this part of the Justice Building? Has he been to District 11 more often than Katniss supposes (he is friends with Chaff, after all), did his mentor take him there for some private conversation, or was there a moment during Haymitch’s Victory Tour where he felt so overwhelmed by feelings of guilt and powerlessness that he fled to the most desolate, solitary place he could find?

“I was supposed to fix things on this tour. [...] Calm things down. But obviously, all I’ve done today is get three people killed, and now everyone in the square will be punished.” I feel so sick that I have to sit down on a couch, despite the exposed springs and stuffing. - Obviously, all of this is awful and no one - especially a traumatized, 16-year old girl - should have to suffer carrying such a burden... But also, here we see one of the downsides of Katniss taking sole responsibility for everything - she totally forgot that Peeta might feel responsible too, only that he didn’t even know what’s at stake - which leads us to-

“Then I made things worse, too. By giving the money,” says Peeta. Suddenly he strikes out at a lamp that sits precariously on a crate and knocks it across the room, where it shatters against the floor. “This has to stop. Right now. This - this - game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I’m too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them.”"It's not like that, Peeta-" I begin. "It's exactly like that!" he yells at me. - When kind, gentle Peeta’s mad, you know shit has hit the fan 😳 But also, being passed over/kept out of the loop seems to hit pretty close to home for Peeta (while I would like to know what his home life looked like before the Games, I have to admit that at this point, I’m somewhat afraid I might not be able to handle the truth...). I just think this scene is an important moment that leads to an end of (most of) their detrimental secrecy (hello end-of-CF-Haymitch!) and establishes their little team as such (hence the drawing)

“You’re always so reliably good, Peeta,” says Haymitch. “So smart about how you present yourself before the cameras. I didn’t want to disrupt that.” “Well, you overestimated me. Because I really screwed up today.” - Remember the last time someone overestimated Peeta (Foxface and the berries)? That ended in someone’s death as well... And, Haymitch? ‘Never assume’ applies to you, too!

“Do you think I gave them [Rue’s and Thresh’s families] a bright future? Because I think they’ll be lucky if they survive the day!” Peeta sends something else flying, a statue. I’ve never seen him like this. - Considering that his rebellious act of kindness is now threatening to become a sword of Damocles, hanging over those towards which he wanted to extend his kindness - simply because he’s been kept out of the loop (again)- Peeta’s anger is quite understandable

“Look, boy-” Haymitch begins. “Don’t bother, Haymitch. I know you had to choose one of us. And I’d have wanted it to be her. But this is something different. People are dead out there. More will follow unless we’re very good.” - Peeta doesn’t really care if it’s just his life on the line, but if other people’s lives are at risk? He takes no shit (it’s admirable in one way and deeply concerning in another); also, Peeta is right - while there still is a game to play, it’s not the Games, so different circumstances and rules apply

“From now on, you’ll be fully informed,” Haymitch promises. “I better be,” says Peeta. - Peeta generally is a very cooperative fellow, but don’t ever think he can’t be forceful and stand his ground when it matters!

“Did you choose me, Haymitch?” I ask. “Yeah,” he says. “Why? You like him better,” I say. “That’s true. But remember, until they changed the rules, I could only hope to get one of you out of there alive,” he says. “I thought since he was determined to protect you, well, between the three of us, we might be able to bring you home.” “Oh,” is all I can think to say. - This is such a quiet, sweet moment and also shows that Katniss, Haymitch and Peeta have been some sort of team from the start (also, in their team effort they actually managed to get the both of them back home!)

Everything is happening too fast for me to process it. The warning, the shootings, the recognition that I may have set something of great consequence in motion. The whole thing is so improbable. And it would be one thing if I had planned to stir things up, but given the circumstances... how on earth did I cause so much trouble? - Lol, you’re giving yourself a little too much credit here, Katniss ;) Frankly, the Capitol has been the one to create this powder-keg they are sitting on in the first place - all it needed was a little spark... All these injustices, the humilitation, the pain inflicted... it’s like an elastic rubber band that’s been stretched and stretched - until it snaps

“I’m something of an expert in architectural design, you know?” “Oh yes, I’ve heard that,” says Portia before the pause gets too long. - Bless Portia’s heart, making sure they avoid that awkward silence 😂

Effie looks so distressed that I spontaneously give her a hug. “That’s awful, Effie. Maybe we shouldn’t go to the dinner at all. At least until they’ve apologized.” - Aww, Katniss doing something nice for Effie!😊

Peeta and I join hands. “Haymitch says I was wrong to yell at you. You were only operating under his instructions,” says Peeta. “And it isn’t as if I haven’t kept things from you in the past.” - Peeta sorta apologizing, even acknowledging that he also had kept secrets from Katniss? We love to see it👍 - [...] “I think I broke a few things myself after that interview.” “Just an urn,” he says. - Peetaaa... stop diminishing your own physical injuries! Good thing that Katniss won’t let him: - “And your hands. There’s no point to it anymore though, is there? Not being straight with each other?” I say. “No point,” says Peeta. - Gasp! Honest, open communication as a good basis for a successful relationship? It’s more likely than you think!

“Was that really the only time you kissed Gale?” I’m so startled I answer. “Yes.” With all that has happened today, has that question actually been preying on him? - Peeta, you sly dog! Your priorities 😂

Some crowds have the weary-cattle feel that I know District 12 usually projects at the victors’ ceremonies. But in others - particularly 8, 4, and 3 - there is genuine elation in the faces of the people at the sight of us, and under the elation, fury. - I do think that it’s interesting how D4 is one of the districts being elated to see Peeta + Katniss and displaying such fury, despite being a Career district; just goes to show that, just because their odds are better at winning the Games, doesn’t have to make them more simpatico with the Capitol’s cruelty... (Considering how Finnick knows how to perform CPR, it’s highly likely that people in D4 are also used to awful and precarious working + living situations... maybe that’s exactly why they generally are so robust and do well in the Games; and maybe they are simply not that above joining the other Careers as long as it improves their chances of survival, like Katniss or Thresh had been... worked for a while for Peeta, too)

Effie starts giving me pills to sleep, but they don’t work. [...] Peeta, who spends much of the night roaming the train, hears me screaming as I struggle to break out of the haze of drugs that merely prolong the horrible dreams. He manages to wake me and calm me down. Then he climbs into bed to hold me until I fall back to sleep. After that, I refuse the pills. But every night I let him into my bed. We manage the darkness as we did in the arena, wrapped in each other’s arms. - 😭 Also: Very telling how Capitolite Effie just throws pills at the problem (with the best of intentions, I’m sure), which is an immediate, unpersonal, and superficial solution at best, whereas Peeta holding Katniss, offering comfort, understanding, a sense of safety, and human connection is so much more personal, intimate, and effective (for both of them!)

I personally killed the girl, Glimmer, and the boy from District 1. As I try to avoid looking at his family, I learn that his name was Marvel. How did I never know that? - You know why, Katniss - I suppose that before the Games I didn’t pay attention and afterward I didn’t want to know. - Still, not knowing his name didn’t stop you from humanizing him, Katniss, and that’s important, too

Whatever we do seems too little, too late. Back in our old quarters in the Training Center, I’m the one who suggests the public marriage proposal. Peeta agrees to do it but then disappears to his room for a long time. Haymitch tells me to leave him alone. “I thought he wanted it, anyway,” I say. “Not like this,” Haymitch says. “He wanted it to be real.” - Come on, Katniss, don’t be so callous; Peeta’s just as much of a prisoner here as you! Also, it’s all about being real or not real with these two, isn’t it?

Chapter 6

... you would think that at this moment, I would be in utter despair. Here’s what’s strange. The main thing I feel is a sense of relief. That I can give up this game. [...] That if desperate times call for desperate measures, then I am free to act as desperately as I wish. - Honestly, I think it was pretty short-sighted of Snow to let Katniss know so clearly that she didn’t succeed in her task; she did her utmost and it wasn’t enough - might as well fling caution to the wind now. All bets are off. If there had been still some small chance she could have ‘made things right’, she probably would have been trying harder to comply to his expectations. (I’m sure Snow thought the upcoming implementations of his stricter regime would be enough to keep Katniss in check, but pride comes before a fall ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

It’s essential to get back to District 12, because the main part of any plan will include my mother and sister, Gale and his family. And Peeta, If I can get him to come with us. I add Haymitch to the list. - For such a ‘loner’, Katniss sure has a lot of people that are important to her... And how ironic that Peeta, who she isn’t sure she’ll be able to convince in following her will be a much more willing participant that Gale, who Katniss is pretty much banking on joining her

“You’ll probably have to pass a new law,” I say with a giggle. “If that’s what it takes,” says the president with conspiratorial good humor. Oh the fun we two have together. - The dynamic between Snow and Katniss is so strange; despite the obvious antagonism there is definitely some vibe of interacting with each other at eye level and it’s weird (Sidenote: Is there any law in Panem preventing minors from marrying?)

“I want to taste everything in the room, “ I tell Peeta. [...] “Then you’d better pace yourself,” he says. “Okay, not more than one bite of each dish,” I say. My resolve is almost immediately broken at the first table, which has twenty or so soups - couldn’t have happened to me; I hate soup (like, thick soups I maaaybe can get behind, but clear soup/broth is just flavored water to me, no thanks - then again, I’m a picky eater)

Peeta and I make no effort to find company but are constantly sought out. We are what no one wants to miss at the party. I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food. - Well isn’t that a mood for every social gathering ever (one person I enjoy talking to and lots of food I like? Perfect.)

I pick up a small roasted bird, bite into it, and my tongue floods with orange sauce. Delicious. But I make Peeta eat the remainder because I want to keep tasting things - Katniss seems to like the combination of meat and fruit, huh? (the lamb and plums, now bird and orange sauce) Personally, it’s a combination that’s on thin ice for me; there are only a few dishes with that component I actually like and it took me forever to tolerate them (I don’t know if it’s the texture or the taste, but something makes me apprehensive about it); anyway, Katniss making Peeta eat the rest is such a casual, couple-y thing to do (or at least something you do with someone you feel very comfortable with, I think)

Peeta looks at the glass again and puts it together. “You mean this will make me puke?” My prep team laughs hysterically. “Of course, so you can keep eating,” says Octavia. “I’ve been in there twice already. Everyone does it, or else how would you have any fun at a feast?” I’m speechless, staring at the pretty little glasses and all they imply. - Oh boy, I have a lot of thoughts on this part: A) I just noticed how this is the second delicate/fancy glass/drink that’s bringing about a jarring revelation: first that orange juice with the frilly straw in THG, now these tiny wine-stemmed glasses, B) “Everyone does it” + “how else would you have fun?” are the shittiest reasons I’ve ever heard at a party for doing something stupid you probably don’t want to do (I’m having flashbacks to all the times I had people trying to pressure me into drinking alcohol as a teen - it was even legal, btw - although I insisted that I didn’t like the taste (which I still don’t, to this day); it was tiresome 😑), C) “everyone does it” - the people in the Capitol must have some messed up teeth if that’s a regular occurence (sure, they probably bleach their teeth all the time, but also... they’d really need to, D) the obvious: how effed up that they just puke to stuff in more food when in the districts people literally are dying from starvation?! (and yeah, unequal distribution of resources sadly isn’t just a thing in Panem, I know... but there is something about actively purging yourself just for funsies that’s just extra, well, sick)

All I can think of is the emaciated bodies of the children on our kitchen table as my mother prescribes what the parents cannot give. More food. - God, how awful! How powerless they must feel 😟

And here in the Capitol they’re vomiting for the pleasure of filling their bellies again and again. Not from some illness of body or mind, not from spoiled food. - Ooh, I’ve never noticed before how this passage not only recognizes physical reasons for purging, but also mental reasons! Wouldn’t have necessarily expected Katniss to acknowledge eating disorders like that, tbh... She has become a lot more cognizant and sensitive when mental health issues are concerned

One day when I dropped by to give Hazelle the game, Vick was home sick with a bad cough [...] he still spent about fifteen minutes talking about how they’d opened a can of corn syrup from Parcel Day and each had a spoonful on bread and were going to maybe have more later in the week. How Hazelle had said he could have a bit in a cup of tea to soothe his cough, but he wouldln’t feel right unless the others had some, too. - Aww, Vick is such a sweetheart! Hazelle is raising her kids right!

“Peeta, they bring us here to fight to the death for their entertainment,”I say. “Really, this is nothing by comparison.” “I know. I know that. It’s just sometimes I can’t stand it anymore. To the point where... I’m not sure what I’ll do.” He pauses, then whispers, “Maybe we were wrong, Katniss.” “About what?” I ask. “About trying to subdue things in the districts,” he says. - Peeta’s rebellious nature coming through again!

“Sorry,” he says. He should be. This is no place to be voicing such thoughts. “Save it for home,” I tell him. - I know Katniss means D12, but her phrasing of “home” evokes a more domestic, couple-y connotation again 😊

I don’t want to dance with Plutarch Heavensbee. I don’t want to feel his hands, one resting against mine, one on my hip. I’m not used to being touched, except by Peeta or my family, and I rank Gamemakers somewhere below maggots in terms of creatures I want in contact with my skin. - It’s telling that, while Katniss is not big on being touched aside from her family (does that include Gale? probably? although they hadn’t even really hugged until Katniss had been reaped, so... I dunno), she’s totally fine with Peeta touching her (more than that: remember how good she felt holding his hand again in Ch.4 and how she’s feeling safe in his arms when they are sharing a bed), it says a lot about how comfortable she feels around him

Plutarch steps back and pulls out a gold watch on a chain from a vest pocket. He flips open the lid, sees the time, and frowns. “I’ll have to be going soon.” He turns the watch so I can see the face. “It starts at midnight.” - Honestly, this very subtle hint/foreshadowing of the clock setup of the Quarter Quell arena is simply brilliant! And also, midnight is going to become an important point in time as well from here on out (lightning tree, in the hanging tree song, saving Peeta and the others from the Training Center in the Capitol)

It’s another mockingjay. Exactly like the pin on my dress. Only this one disappears. He snaps the watch closed. “That’s very pretty,” I say. “Oh, it’s more than pretty. It’s one of a kind,” he says. - The disappearing mockingjay on the clock is interesting because A) Plutarch can’t really be flaunting the symbol of rebellion as Head Gamemaker, duh, but also B) the clock arena will be the place where the Mockingjay will disappear (until the rebellion will be able to use her for their cause); and that last comment by Plutarch clearly is aimed at the Mockingjay (Katniss) herself

When I open my eyes, it’s early afternoon. My head rests on Peeta’s arm. I don’t remember him coming in last night. - Okay, Katniss must feel hella safe and used to Peeta joining her in her bed, because apparently she didn’t even wake up when he did, like... I’m a fairly heavy sleeper, but I can’t imagine sleeping so deeply that I wouldn’t jerk awake if someone crawled into my bed while I was snoozing

“No nightmare,” he says. “What?” I ask. “You didn’t have any nightmares last night,” he says. He’s right. For the first time in ages I’ve slept through the night. - Telling how the first time Katniss sleeps through the night is after Snow let her know her performance wasn’t enough; she’s must have been so tense and on edge, desperately trying to calm down the districts and convince Snow, that she hadn’t been able to sleep properly, aside from the obvious sleeping issues she’d have from the PTSD (I’m often that way before an important exam - especially if it’s an oral exam; I get tense just thinking about it 😓)

“I had a dream, though,” I say, thinking back. “I was following a mockingjay though the woods. For a long time. It was Rue, really. I mean, when it sang, it had her voice.” “Where did she take you?” he says, brushing my hair off my forehead. “I don’t know. We never arrived,” I say. “But I felt happy.” - Interesting how in Katniss’s dream, the mockingjay is Rue - lending further credence to the hypothesis that maybe Rue was originally meant to be the Mockingjay (would make Plutarch’s comment of the mockingjay being “one of a kind” a bit more hypocritical/exaggerated/dramatized, which still fits with his flair for propaganda/showmanship... and ultimately, Katniss as the Mockingjay was unique, but that doesn’t mean that the rebellion couldn’t have made someone else their symbol if they needed to); also, Peeta brushing Katniss’s hair off her forehead is so sweet and intimate 😊

After I got home, we [Madge and I] started spending time together. [...] It was a little awkward at first because we didn’t know what to do. Other girls our age, I’ve heard them talking about boys, or other girls, or clothes. Madge and I aren’t gossipy and clothes bore me to tears. But after a few false starts, I realized she was dying to go into the woods, so I’ve taken her a couple of times and showed her how to shoot. She’s trying to teach me the piano, but mostly I like to listen to her play. - Honestly? I’d love to read a fanfic about Katniss and Madge figuring out their friendship (let me know if there already are some!); it’s cute how they end up including each other in their hobbies 😊 Ah, the classic “I’m/We’re not like other girls”, which often is especially prevalent during your teen years (I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t been gulty of this in my past 😅)... Katniss might actually would have benefited from talking with Madge about her boys’ troubles, though... And it’s so funny how Katniss admits that she has no interest in clothes, despite it being her supposed “talent”, while she also admits that she does admire Cinna’s work

... there’s a mob scene. The square’s packed with screaming people, their faces hidden with rags and homemade masks, throwing bricks. Building burn. Peacekeepers shoot into the crowd, killing at random. I’ve never seen anything like it - I... I have. At least on tv... In different places, at different times, but... yeah...

#thgagain #thg #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #haymitch abernathy #everlark #thg meta #my sketches and drawings #honestly there were so many scenes in these 3 chapter that I wanted to draw... but I barely had the time for these 2 #Catching Fire is just chock-full with interesting/important moments... my book is more post-it notes than pages at this point

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simpingforsoftboys · 4 years ago

Text

Curiosity Killed the Cat

ft. Kuroken

G/N Reader

Read this first

Mini Series Here

Thanks so much for the request anon! I actually went back and forth with this- but I’m finally satisfied with how this turned out! Hope you enjoy!

Kenma hated these types of events. Blaring music, flashing lights, horny drunk people, crowded spaces. Yes, parties were the worst- but it wasn’t like he could tell Kuroo “no, I’m not going to attend your best friend’s 27th birthday party just because.” Which is why they’re in Osaka and not Tokyo at the moment. Kuroo had gone off to god knows where- claiming he was going to get some drinks for them- but that was 15 minutes ago and he still hadn’t returned. Shoyo was arriving late, so there was no one the dyed blonde felt comfortable with speaking too. Seeing no other option, he decided to seek Kuroo out on his own.

“Excuse me.” The short male muttered as he nudged people aside to get to the bar. No one seemed to mind, too caught up in their dancing- probably thanks to their alcohol induced haze. His skin crawled in disgust as he passed by some chick who was making out with Miya Atsumu- if Shoyo was right with his suspicions, Sakusa Kiyoomi would not be happy. He pushed that thought aside. Eventually he made it to the bar- successfully locating Kuroo. “I was waiting what’s-” He was shut up by his fiance’s hand over his mouth.

“Shh... look over there, across the counter- is that Y/n?” Kenma followed where Kuroo was pointing, they couldn’t see the persons face, but they had a similar figure and skin tone to your own. Suddenly the person turned- but they realized that it wasn’t you.

It had been two, nearly three years since your emotional breakup, and they still found themselves looking for you in every room they entered. Kenma hadn’t gotten over his love for you- he doubted he ever would, but it was just another thing he had learned to live with. Kuroo slowly began to realize how much of an impact you had on his daily life, things he had previously taken for granted like a homemade meal at the end of a long day, hot bath prepped and ready, folded clothes and cute little notes. Those things were gone now, so he and Kenma had to step up and do it- until eventually they just decided to hire someone to do it for them. It wasn’t the same- sure, the housekeeper did an amazing job, but the difference was palpable. It sounded dumb but they could just feel the lack of love- your absence had created a void in the large penthouse.

It had taken time, but Tetsuro realized that yeah, he did love you- not as much as Kenma- yet, it was a tangible love all the same. Which is why it hurt him that day- not only because you left them, but because you didn’t feel loved by him. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry at you- that was his own doing. All you had done was leave him with happy memories.

Kenma found himself reverting back to his old habits. Their home was a lot lonelier without you. Kuroo often went on weeks- if not months long- business trips for the volleyball association, leaving Kenma home alone for lengthy periods of time. No longer did he have you to keep him company or monitor his sleeping or eating habits. Even his viewers had noticed his unhealthy lifestyle and urged him to take better care of himself, but it wasn’t the same. So, without anyone there to stop him, he would fall into ruin- because then, when he was exhausted or kept occupied by the newest trending game title- he wouldn’t be thinking about all that he was missing.

Neither of them had spoken- or even checked up on you since that day, those few years ago. You had blocked them on everything, made your accounts private, changed your phone number, and asked your mutual friends to not share anything about you with them. It hurt- because how can you so easily shut out the people you love- but after much thought and consideration, they realize you had to be hurting twice as bad as they did. Unlike them, you had the time to simmer in your pain, hurt, and longing, while they remained oblivious.

Ignorance was bliss.

The two of them left Bokuto’s party early that night, Kuroo said something about an emergency Skype meeting in the morning as an excuse. In actuality they found themselves driving to one of your favorite restaurants- they hadn’t stepped a foot inside the establishment since the last time they ate here with you. But- as it was for many things apparently- tonight seemed to be one all about stepping out of their comfort zones.

“What are you getting?” Kuroo tried to act casual, but Kenma had known him much too long to fall for his act.

“I think I’ll get (f/f).”

Kuroo nodded. “I think I will too.” Neither of them particularly liked (f/f), but it had been your go to order. Maybe by being here and eating the familiar dish, they could pretend that they were simply on a date as a triad- and you were running late- instead of dealing with the reality that they were a couple now and not a throuple.

Their food arrives and they dig in, eating slowly, eyes shutting occasionally, it seems like they’re merely savoring the flavor- when in reality they’re trying to picture you dining with them. No words are exchanged between the two- they’re together yes, but it’s somehow a lonely occasion all the same.

If you were here, the table would be filled with easy conversation- you were always so neutral when you spoke, teasing when you felt particularly daring (they realize now that this was such a rarity because you were hesitant about starting an altercation- which no one should have to be afraid of in any relationship). Kenma would let himself loosen up and exchange snarky words with Kuroo, who quipped back savagely, and you would watch them- laughter spilling from your lips. Too bad they didn’t try harder to include you in the conversation- not that they intentionally alienated you- just that they were enjoying themselves too much to bat an eye in your direction.

Yeah, it was better for you that you weren’t here. That was a fact they still had trouble stomaching.

They hear the restaurant’s door opening in the background, but don’t care enough to look who entered. It doesn’t matter to either of the two that it’s late at night and logically there shouldn’t be anyone else here but them. Their imagined scenario is much more appealing than real life.

“Put me down Tsutomu!” A male scolds from the lobby area, despite their best efforts, they’re unable to block the newcomers voices out.

Another male laughs in response. “Calm down Kenji, I got you!”

“Hahah! Why are you so red Kenji-” Someone else adds, this person’s voice is familiar. Kenma and Tetsuro freeze at the sound. It’s kind of weird how they recognize it- despite having slowly forgotten what it sounded like over the course of passing time. You know how each time you recall a memory it actually ends up altering it a little? That’s how it was with your voice. Eventually their recollection of it was changed to the point that they couldn’t quite remember how exactly your laughter sounded, or even how your pitch changed with various moods.

Their ears were filled with you- wonderful, gorgeous, breathtaking you- the one who cared too much and pushed aside prioritizing yourself until eventually you couldn’t take it anymore. The Y/n that they still, could never seem to love enough- even now. But it was dissimilar all the same, since you sounded so happy, so content- what was weird was that they didn’t even need to see your face to confirm it.

Neither of them dare to look in your direction, afraid that you’d disappear right before their eyes. It isn’t until they see your approaching figure in their peripheral that they glance over.

You’re positively glowing. It feels like you’re an entire galaxy- so far and out of reach- and they’re merely stargazers. They’re stuck on Earth, forever fated to watch and appreciate your splendor from an impossibly wide distance.

The purple-nearly black haired man that accompanies you pulls your chair out, gesturing to your seat with exaggerated motions. You laugh, sitting down in the most graceful manner possible and let him push your seat in. He places a kiss to your temple before going to pull out a chair for the other brown haired male- whose cheeks are still tinted red.

The three of you order appetizers and speak about many things- Kuroo can overhear ‘volleyball’ and ‘hospital’ mentioned somewhere in the mix. The two men- your apparent lovers- don’t even have to make an effort to include you in their conversation, it’s like second nature for them, just as it should have been for him and Kenma. They listen intently as you ramble on about whatever, the shorter brown haired one adding his two cents in occasionally, while the taller male questions or presses you for more details.

“Kuroo I’m not hungry anymore.” Kenma says, and only now does Tetsuro notice how upset his fiance is. Normally the half blonde is composed and neutral, but right now his face is scrunched up like he smelt something sour. The feeling is mutual. He isn’t happy with the situation either.

"Do you want to head back to the hotel?”

“No, let’s stay a little longer.”

So they stay, silently watching as you make lively conversation with your lovers. Observing as you polish off your plates and finish dessert, they’re still seated when the throuple pays the bill and walks out the exit. Eventually the elderly owner comes out and asks them if they want to order anything else- a polite way of letting them know that they’ve overstayed their welcome.

They tell her no, pay their own bill, and head back to their car. They sit there in the parking lot a little longer.

“Hey Kenma.” Kuroo murmurs, fingers drumming on the steering wheel.

“Hm?” Kenma hums.

“Do you think we could have made it work?” It’s a question that they’ve never actually voiced out loud- not even once- in the years since the breakup.

“Why do you ask? You already know the answer.” Is what he receives in response. Kenma’s right, he did know.

“I... guess I needed to hear it.” He says lamely.

He turns the key and starts the ignition. They drive back to their hotel in silence.

They made their beds a long time ago. So it’s only right that they lie in it- even if the bedsheets are uncomfy and the blanket threatens to suffocate them.

Kenma regrets wondering about how you were doing now. At least before tonight he was able to take comfort in the fact that you still might be in love with them.

The old idiom was right. Curiosity killed the cat. And he certainly felt like he was dying.

A/N: Believe it or not the inspo behind this was the song Good Stuff by Griff. I really liked the whole idea of Kuroken x reader ending on semi good terms. The difference between how their emotions for the reader portrayed here vs IwaOi is an example of this. Unlike IwaOi, Kuroken is able to identify their emotions when given time and space, they’re not necessarily prideful and can acknowledge that despite being broken up with, they’re still the ones who were left with “the good stuff.”

They miss you sure, but they know it’s unfair to want you to come back to them when they’ll never be able to love you as they should. So they don’t even bother wishing or seeking you out. Of course, they do their best to maintain some semblance of a connection to you (like why they look for you in crowded rooms and eat your favorite food), but they’re fine with remaining curious. Of course no one can remain willfully ignorant forever though.

#answered.requests #haikyuu poly au #kuroo x reader x kenma #kuroken x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo x reader #kenma kozume x reader #kenma x reader #kenma x y/n #kenma x you #kuroo x you #kuroo x y/n #shirabu x y/n #shirabu x reader #shirabu kenjiro x reader #goshiki x reader #goshiki tsutomu x reader #shiragoshi x reader #shirabu x reader x goshiki

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thestorytellersapprentice · 3 years ago

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Why Do-yeok

I cannot believe I'm writing another one of this "Why" post. I thought it's a one-time thing with Love Alarm... But, here I am. Maybe because just like the previously mentioned Netflix series, Nevertheless causes huge discourse among its viewers. Team Potato and Team Butterfly. Jae-eon and Do-hyeok. Sanctuary or the gravitational pull.

And first off, an important note: my intention by writing this is not to seek any debate with anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so here's mine. Feel free to read it or definitely not to read it if you're firmly on Jae-eon's corner and you can't imagine Na-bi with anyone else but him. I just want to sort out my thoughts simultaneously through writing this. And this is gonna be a bit long, I suppose.

So, as the title already declares, I'm Team Potato all the way. And, yep, this means I'm thoroughly on Do-hyeok's side and I want him to be happy because he deserves it. (Still need to see what's in store in the final episode, but I'm perfectly okay with an open ending: Na-bi ends up not choosing anyone but herself, as long as her friendship with Do-hyeok remains intact.)

And this comes down simply because of who Yang Do-hyeok is as a person.

If Do-hyeok is real, then you can bet that I'll date him myself too. At the very least, I'd definitely like to be friends with him.

Why?

Because....

One. His whole vibe is just so....warm and comfortable. We often see Do-hyeok's cheerful sides. He smiles a lot (and boy, Chae Jong-hyeop's smiles are just so endearing, but we're talking about the character here. Ahem.) He's attentive, thoughtful, and open. And he's not only like this with Na-bi. He, by nature, is a very friendly person, as you can see from his interaction with Do-yeon, his cousin, also with Na-bi's friends and the hyeongs in the noodle restaurant that he works at.

And I like it a lot that even just after Do-hyeok confesses to Na-bi and she turns him down, the very next day, they're able to speak with each other normally and just talk about his videos and how she'll watch them and give him feedback. That night, Na-bi also answers his call with a smile on her face. They joke around and not even stopping after Do-hyeok throws her some arguably-cringey-lines (if uttered by other guys and not handled properly). Clearly, Na-bi's very on ease and comfortable with and around him despite everything that has happened.

She even says this on her own: "And most of all, I feel comfortable when I'm with him."

Two. With Do-hyeok, the communication is sterling. Honesty and communication is also very important in a healthy relationship. Your partner isn't a mind reader, so you gotta tell her/him what you feel and think about, especially when you're having a hard time, so you both can work on it together. And our potato guy is the perfect example of openness and honesty.

Even when he's having a hard time, he doesn't lash out (unlike a certain someone), but he communicates it clearly to Na-bi: "I saw you and Park Jae-eon going into your house together. I know I said that I could wait for you as long as it takes. But I felt so jealous."

Do-hyeok also casually throwing lines like: "It's nice to hear your voice. The whole neighborhood seems empty without you." which can be really cringey, but hearing these with Chae Jong-hyeop's delivery = it's just Do-hyeok openly sharing his thoughts. And, again, he's not just like this with Na-bi. That's just the way he is. He openly states his concerns and thoughts to people close to him.

After her first disaster relationship and Jae-eon (who's a master deflector on all personal questions and is truly opaque), IMO someone like Do-hyeok is what Na-bi needs. With Do-hyeok, she never has to guess where she stands. And Na-bi responds to his openness accordingly. She shares her worries and not-so-good moments ("I was spacing out because the critique went badly. I got scolded. This semester is really the worst. I didn't get accepted to the exchange program as well.") And of course, Do-hyeok responds by reassuring and encouraging her.

Three. They begin as friends. Childhood friends, even. And while some may point out that she friend-zones him, I beg to differ. The expression on Na-bi's face when she first sees Do-yeon and hasn't recognizes her is not the expression of someone who sees her just-platonic-friend conversing with a girl. You can practically see the gears in her head turning and she suddenly looks unsure: "Who is that girl talking to Do-hyeok?"

But anyway, iIluminatedquill has written here and here what I want to say and more, so I won't add any more here, other than this: it's my own personal preference as well. I'm just more drawn to romantic relationships which also evolve from friendship. I feel that lust will only get you so far, and the companionship aspect is what makes it long-lasting. (Even in my personal life, my boyfriend is not only my boyfie, he's my friend and partner in crime also.)

Four. Do-hyeok has good and normal relationships with his family. He obviously has good relationship with his Grandpa (judging from the way he's reviving his Grandpa's noodle place until his Grandpa feels better) and is close with his cousin, Do-yeon. While this is based on what's been shown and even though we never see or hear about his parents, I think it's safe to say that Do-hyeok most probably grows up in a loving family and he carries their values with him as he approaches his relationships with people as an adult.

Again, this is mostly personal preference, but as someone who highly value family, for me this is another point for Do-hyeok. I'm not saying that someone with dysfunctional family cannot form loving relationships, but it's what one aspires for.

Do-hyeok cares for people. He takes care of them (e.g. voicing concerns over Do-yeon's plastered hand, preparing umbrella and coffee for Na-bi, etc etc). And, sadly, Jae-eon's distant family background just makes him even more detached and non-committal towards people.

As for Na-bi, she wants to learn from her mother and not following in her footsteps. "I promise myself I would never date while watching my mom." It's heavily implied (and is practically confirmed by her aunt) that her mother dates around as well, and from the one scene we're shown during her birthday weekend, she always feels like her mother neglects her and she's upset about it. So, yeah, Na-bi wants to live differently, and it's clear who's a natural at it already.

Five. I can see them growing together. Yeah, Na-bi's mostly the one who needs to sort out her life, but she also can be a good influence to Do-hyeok. She gives him feedback on his videos (as an example) and he builds upon that.

From Na-bi herself: "I don't want to ever disappoint Do-hyeok." She sees him as such a good guy and always receives things from him. I interpret her line here as her desire to improve herself, to be better. And that's how a good relationship should be, right? It brings out the best out of each other.

That's it from me for now.

I guess some of the points up there can be different priorities for different people, and that's okay. As I've said at the beginning of this post, this is all mine, so feel free to disagree.

To me, Jae-eon is like this very strong gravitational pull: he's sexy, mysterious and very alluring, yet he displays oh-so-many red flags. It's all such a rollercoaster ride with him: very fun and thrilling, yet can also cause you extreme dread.

While Do-hyeok is like a sanctuary. He represents safety, stability and ease. With him, it's like strolling on a park somewhere under the sunshine: things feel warm, pleasant, and cozy.

Na-bi probably still feels the gravitational force of Jae-eon. It's hard to shake off completely on such a short span of time, but I hope she remembers that just like her namesake, she always have her own strength to fly and defy gravity.

#jtbc nevertheless #team potato boy ofc #yang do hyeok #yu na bi #chae jong hyeop #han so hee #just my thoughts ahead of the finale #drama please don't disappoint me!

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itsclydebitches · 4 years ago

Note

Um one thing i wanna ask is why do you want penny to stay a robot? She would have been hacked again as it wouldn’t make sense for someone not to try it again... ignoring the pinnochio allusion thing cause of course RWBY shouldn’t follow fairytales like a script, but just thinking about practicality as the problem would just occur again.

Also, people complaining about how its a problem they cured her illness (having the virus)... why would you want her too keep the virus when its literally about to kill her and the cure is right there???? I dunno some of the complaints have me a bit confused and i need clarity on them.

Like, If they didn’t grab the relic for themselves, they would have been hunted by ironwood for penny, she would have been killed for the powers to open the vault etc... if they went to the vault with penny without their plan, she would have died... its all a lose lose for penny to me at least

Questions are genuine and I’m not trying to be rude or anything :)

Happy to explain, anon! :D

I’m going to break this up into three parts: The claim that people are upset about Penny’s virus going away, the idea that she’s in more danger as a robot, and the assumption that she had to be made human to fix this problem.

The first is the easiest to tackle simply because I haven’t seen any of this myself. I don’t know why someone would “want her to keep the virus when it’s literally about to kill her.” My guess would be that there’s been some miscommunication at play. I’m not saying just because I haven’t seen these takes doesn’t mean they don’t exist, but rather that I have seen a lot of critical takes since Saturday and they all boil down to the fans being upset that Penny’s android identity was removed, not that the virus was removed along with it. Of course we’re happy about that additional outcome, we just believe it would have been possible — even easy — to achieve that same outcome without taking a core part of Penny’s identity along with it (more on that below).

Secondly, if one of the main arguments for Penny getting a human body is “It’s less dangerous” then I personally don’t find that persuasive. Yes, it means no one can try to hack her again... but it also means Penny can die all the horrible, messy human deaths that she was previously immune from (within the boundary of how long Pietro can give her aura, anyway). We saw it happen on screen. Penny was able to go from this

to this

purely because she was an android. Penny, due to her synthetic body, was able to be torn apart and then — pretty casually it seems, based on Pietro’s comments — be put back together, given more aura, and booted up with absolutely no downsides. Penny shrugged off death with a smile! No human body can do that. So yes, she’s vulnerable to hacking as an android, but she’s vulnerable to everything else as a human, things like Nora’s scars and Yang’s lost arm, things that android!Penny would have shrugged off. Each body has its benefits and its downsides, with my personal belief being that, from a combat standpoint, a synthetic body has far fewer downsides and far greater benefits. But that opinion aside, objectively I don’t think a human body is intrinsically safer for Penny in the long run, especially not after her biggest moment in the series was coming back from the dead. She can’t do that anymore.

Which then touches on our third topic with the question: Why couldn’t the show have fixed android!Penny in a way that ensures she can never be hacked again? See, we have to remember that RWBY is a constructed, fictional story. Nothing “has” to happen. Or rather, nothing has to happen until the writers impose limitations on the text that the viewer expects them to adhere to. For example, if you impose the implied rules of 1. “Our four main characters will make it to the end of the series” and 2. “A character, without aura, will die from a spear through the gut,” then RWBY has to find a way for Weiss to survive Cinder’s attack (rule #1), but that solution can’t be, “Weiss is just randomly okay after a deadly injury, I guess” (rule #2). Hence, we get the solution of “Jaune unlocks his semblance and heals Weiss for her” and it works! It’s a solution that viewers like because it obeys all the rules, both overt and implied. Meanwhile, the problem with Penny’s solution is two-fold. The first is that it contradicts the entire journey she’s been on of “Android girl learns that she’s real and human just the way she is,” which I’ve already spoken about extensively (there are other posts on that), but the second problem is that the show ignores other possibilities and makes up new rules solely to reach this ending.

Why is Penny made human? Because of Ambrosius’ rules. Why do those rules exist? Because the writers said they do in this episode. It’s not that they introduced these rules episodes or even whole volumes ago, thereby requiring that they adhere to them once Penny’s life is suddenly caught up in them (like with the Jaune example). Rather, the viewer only learned these were limitations while Penny was being fixed. So the writers could have just... not included those. There’s no reason why, in developing Ambrosius’ abilities right then and there, the show couldn’t have made them into something a little different. Have Ruby go, “We want you to magic up an anti-virus program that will heal Penny completely, with no chance of the virus returning. Thus, when you create something new, it doesn’t matter if that program disappears. The virus is already gone!” If the response to that is, “But Clyde, Ambrosius can’t create something he doesn’t understand” that’s a rule that the writers just made up. No one forced them to suddenly impose that limitation. It was a choice. Or even if we have to have it for some reason, you’re telling that the group gets to have the schematics for their escape route — essentially inventing a teleportation system because Whitley looked at airship flight paths for a few minutes — but they can’t have Penny or Pietro draw up an anti-virus program? There’s no reason why these rules couldn’t have been tweaked to cure android!Penny.

There’s also no reason why Ambrosius needed to be involved at all. As just mentioned, Pietro exists and many fans (myself included) thought he would be the solution. Imagine for a moment we had a slightly different version of these events. Penny’s virus is briefly halted by Jaune and, finally given a moment to breathe, she asks where her father is. Last she saw, he was floating in a dead Amity after Cinder’s attack. This reminds Ruby that hey, Pietro made Penny! He’s just as smart as Watts and is far more knowledgeable of her systems. Maybe he can help? So the group heads to Amity and, due to the same techno mumbo jumbo that launched Amity in the first place, or had Klein heal Penny after her crash, Pietro says yes, he can get rid of the virus. Better yet, he can slightly redesign Penny so that she’s made un-hackable in the future, using (again, mumbo jumbo) parts from the now useless Amity. But it will take time. It’s then that the group receives Ironwood’s message and learns that they don’t have time. The reality that Penny will not be cured before the hour time limit necessitates that they come up with a creative way of dealing with Ironwood. Enter Emerald. Her semblance can make it seem like Penny is there, despite her being fixed by her dad miles away. We get an extended fight with Ironwood and, at episode’s end, the new and improved Penny catches up, ready to open the vault for them, this time of her own free will.

Now, obviously I just made this up off the top of my head — far from perfect — but a scenario like this:

Remembers that Pietro exists and lets him/Maria as an assistant do something for the plot

Re-uses Amity now that it’s just a floating pile of junk metal

Creates a scenario where we get to see Penny and Pietro confront the fact that she was created to be a tool (sorry I originally made you so easily hackable/put a self-destruct in your brain)

Maintains all the main story beats like Penny’s near escape, Ironwood’s message, and using Emerald’s semblance

Makes space to tackle other issues like the complaint that Ironwood was taken down too quickly

Achieves the desired result of healing Penny without taking away her android identity

Proves that, because we can easily come up with another solution, the idea that she “had” to become human is inaccurate. There were always other options

Hell, we can even ask why the story bothered with a self-destruct threat in the first place. Seriously, why did Watts do that? I have my own headcanons, but the show never says. This act is the entire BASIS for Penny’s conflict and the show didn’t bother to a) say why he’d do this or b) explain why he’d do this when Salem would presumably like having a Maiden to control. It’s counterintuitive and the show never grapples with that. We have no canonical answer here. More importantly, what else changes if Penny’s self-destruct order is taken out of the narrative? Absolutely nothing. She’s still hacked and struggles to keep Amity afloat, still flies to Ruby, still wakes up and needs to be calmed down by Nora, still tells Whitley her order, still fights the Hound, still tries to escape, still tells Ruby to kill her so she doesn’t open the vault, and Ruby still realizes that opening the vault might be the answer. They could have taken Penny to the door and nullified the virus by letting her do what the virus ordered. Penny is fine now, they snag the Relic, and the group proceeds to save all of Mantle and Atlas. The only thing this self-destruct sequence brings to the narrative is a reason to give Penny a human body. That plot-point was introduced solely as an excuse to give Penny a human body. That never had to happen. It’s not that the writers had a story where, by the rules already in place, they truly had to change Penny to ensure they didn’t lose her, it’s that the writers carefully crafted a story that existed to justify their desire to change Penny. That was always the end goal. They decided they wanted this to happen and that’s the problem here. That they took a character who has spent her entire, fictional existence learning to love herself as she is and crafted a bunch of unpersuasive, needless, and contradictory scenarios specifically to get Penny to a place where they could erase all that.

There’s no version of Penny that exists who truly had to get a human body to survive because Penny is a fictional character. Everything she does and experiences is thought up by our writers. Thus, at some point they thought up the idea to erase her android identity for a completely human one instead — the part a lot of people are upset by — and then made some messy attempts to write a story to justify getting that ending.

#rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #mymetas #Anonymous

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lizacstuff · 4 years ago

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i'd love (if you'd like ofc) to hear your thoughts on episode 20 as a whole! i personally really really enjoyed it.. it had some very good moments not only between edser but between serkan and his dad and selin. and of course were serving that angsty, but flirty, UST that we all love! it felt like a weight was lifted off serkan and he just became even more open with her, if that makes sense? what he says to her about leaving in the latest fragman kinda shows that too.

Are you sure you want my full thoughts? Because I'm about to get long winded, like novel long winded, lol. To start off, on a superficial note, can I say that casually dressed, brooding Serkan was pretty hot? Hello, Sailor! Can we see you in pullovers and hoodies and T-shirts more often? But just happier? He was soooo sad in the opening scenes, and honestly, when you think about it, it's pretty dark that he was so messed up that he didn't leave the house or attend to any business matters for those couple of days. Very unlike him, but he's probably never been at this depth of despair before. Now, since pretty much everyone knows he wasn't leaving the house while Eda was gone, I hope someone (cough Melo cough) tells Eda, she should know that. On a similar note, Eda's friendship with the girls is so lovely. They're indeed her family. Interesting juxtaposition that she took refuge with her friends, while Serkan holed up and stayed away from everyone who cares about him.

I agree that once we got past the dark brooding and he had the talk with his mom about how if Eda was punishing him there was still hope, he was a lot lighter. I think finally being out from under the secret did him a world of good. He can finally stop pretending to be indifferent and can just be honest about how he feels. What the “Gitme” line in the fragman tells me, is that he’s ready to put it all out there. He’s not going to risk miscommunications or hurt feelings anymore. Which is amazing and should lead to great things in the next couple of episodes.

More under the cut (a lot more):

I absolutely agree about the scenes between Serkan and his dad and Serkan and Selin. The writing was really terrific and Kerem just knocked both of those scenes out of the park. Serkan's suppressed fury was palpable, and it was extremely cathartic to finally watch him let loose on both of them. The scene with his father went deeper in the family trauma and it was so interesting to hear Serkan say outright to both of them that the reason he moved onto the property was because Aydan couldn't leave and his dad was never there, and was never there for him as a father at all. Which we saw from the beginning when Alpteken was actually at the house but refused to attend his son's engagement party. Regardless of the fact that Serkan sprung Eda on them, not walking 50 feet to make an appearance at your son's engagement party is an asshole move. I wonder how long he's been cheating on Aydan? Years? It's interesting how she foreshadowed that revelation to Ayfer, like she knew.

Also I can't believe he was just cavorting around a luxury hotel in Istanbul. The whole Bolat family are obviously figures in the upscale social scene, anyone who knew Aydan or Serkan could have easily spotted him with that woman and gleefully spread the gossip back. Did he want to get caught? Jerkoff.

As for Selin, we been waitin' for that explosion since she sold her shares without telling Serkan! I like that Serkan was kind to her after Ferit left her at the altar, it spoke to him taking responsibility for the part he played in trying to manipulate her out of that relationship. However, she took advantage of the new, kinder Serkan (the one that exists courtesy of Eda) and went way too far into unstable territory. I, and many other people, were so confused about why Selin was so angry about uncovering the truth of the accident, like what right did she have to be that angry over it, to stomp over to his house, barge in uninvited and accuse him of being a liar at top decibel levels? Thank goodness the writing acknowledged that it was not her place, and that was the thing that enraged Serkan. They actually allowed him to say, "How dare you come to my house, and I don't owe you any explanations." Also, I'm glad he laid out his feelings for Eda, and his lack of feelings for her. Look... that is rough. Hearing from an ex that they never loved you. But how she could have been in any doubt, after seeing the changes in him since Eda is beyond my comprehension. She even said early on, It's like there's two Serkans, the one before you met Eda, and the one after. For whatever reason it's like she thought Eda could come in and affect him, and then she could step in and get the Serkan who was in love with Eda, not the rigid, cold one who was in a relationship of convenience with her. DELUSIONAL.

There was so much more about this episode I loved. It was nice to see Ayfer blossoming in her new business and getting a glimpse of Fifi's past. She comes from a society family, does she? I liked that Ferit helped them. I do agree that impressing Ceren was probably on his mind, but I like to think he's also just a nice man and he likes Ayfer and wanted to genuinely help as well. Interesting that we found out that Ferit's mom never liked Selin. Curious since you'd think she'd look great on paper, perhaps it was because of the speed at which they were moving, and I think she also stood them up, right? That made me like Ferit's mom a bit more than I otherwise would have.

Aydan was in her element getting back to her charity work, I loved the way she plotted to put her name forward for the leadership position. She's just so savvy. That's why I'm glad she's now TeamEda! Imagine what a formidable duo Eda and Adyan will make in this world, we saw a glimpse of it last week, but they'll be unstoppable!

The contract was a neat device. I really appreciate how it was used. One of the things that Eda feels like she can't trust is the way Serkan has tried to control her. As I've said before, I think he's really trying to control the situation. And while that doesn't really make a difference to Eda in this instance, it does make a difference to me as a viewer. If he were being controlling in the sense of trying to dictate what she says or who she is, that would be upsetting. But that's not it, he really loves her for who she is already and he's not trying to change that, he's just, as I said, trying to control the situation. We know that he likes to think everything through and always has a plan and in this instance he was just trying to protect her, but she's right that he can't do that in a relationship. Proving to her that he can cede control is important and that's exactly what the contract did. We saw him do it willingly and blindly and it was actually really beautiful. Obviously, the Serkan apology to Erdem was hilarious, but more than how much I enjoyed how funny it was, I enjoyed how delighted Eda was by it. She loved every minute of it and it was so nice to see her relax a minute and genuinely laugh both at and with Serkan. Additionally, I think she was pretty surprised that he'd followed through with it. Lots of layers to that scene.

The charity meeting he engineered was also pretty fun to watch. I loved how he calls Engin in to join them with no prep and then just expects Engin to reel off a bunch of good ideas for the girls education initiative. Good times. And Leyla rushing in to let him know that Melo had quit was hilarious, I love that Serkan was like "the whole situation is right here" meaning that Eda was in the room so whatever Leyla had to tell him could not possibly be important. Only Eda is important! LOL. Then Serkan doesn't even think before looping Engin in to go immediately hire Melo. You know what I hope this means!? That my crackship Mengin might actually sail!!!! LET'S DO THIS MENGIN!!!! Oh... I know, the show seems really committed to the mismatched duo of Engin/Peril, but I really think Engin and Melo are better suited to one another. And now maybe they'll get scenes together. Piril can dump him for being too... him, and Melo can help him pick up the pieces. They would be Serkan and Eda's big-hearted, teddybear couple friends!

Watching Eda blossom creatively and professionally while working with Serkan has been a joy. She doesn't stand in awe of him at all as a person, but she does a little professionally, and it's wonderful to see how no matter how angry she is with him or where they are in their relationship she always craves his feedback, takes in his critiques and suggestions, and basks in his praise. While she didn't want his help with her schoolwork, I can't help but wonder if he ever comes up at school. I mean she's in the tabloids with him, and since he's extremely relevant to the field of study, and specifically to that school since he built the library, do her classmates ask her about him? Or does she mention something she did or learned working at ArtLife while in class? Inquiring minds want to know.

As for Eda's resolve to keep things professional, that pretty much was DOA. She definitely challenged him to break the contract there in that room, and I think she actually wanted him to do it, though I’m not sure how she would have reacted. she wants him, but she wasn’t there yet. She knows resistance is futile, deep down she recognizes her own feelings and his and knows they'll never stay away from one another and it's only a matter-of-time, but I think she needs this. She needs for him to understand what it means to be in a relationship, she needs him to know that he can't make decisions without her, and she needs to be sure he's ready to be a partner. Thankfully, he made a lot of headway in demonstrating all of those things in this episode. He signed without reading, he was willing to do anything and everything she asked, and while he's still him (asking Leyla for intel) he respected her wishes while still being there for her in a real way throughout the episode.

Poor Eda fainting, but it's really romantic that he's always there to catch her. I assume this narcolepsy or whatever it is, like her claustrophobia, is related to the trauma around the retaining wall collapse and her parents' death. It was sweet the way he convinced her to let him be there when she met the contractor, and then during the confrontation he didn't intervene, he let Eda say what she needed to say and was there to move the guy along when it was time. He was pretty much perfect. I know we all NEEDED him to hug her, both Eda and Serkan NEEDED it as well, but she wasn't ready to ask for him yet and he was smart enough not to push it. But the loooooooooonging.

It's a small detail that she asked him to deal with the paps and he went home and set about doing just that. Hopefully whatever he was doing will lead to the revelation that Selin is the one who planted the story in the first place. I need that, we all need that. And just when you think it's too late at night, he does their "thing" and shows up at her place with Sirius. So dang sweet. I like that he was respecting her pretense about colleagues while at the same time just outright saying, "I'm worried about you. Are you okay?"

The next day's car ride left me in a puddle. Serkan just out there telling her that he would do anything for her. But he didn't push it on her, he waited until she asked. He did a great job of pacing himself through the episode. I find it so romantic that she told him that he couldn't watch her speech. If they were together and settled and happy, I'd think she'd want him front row, center, but in their current state he just affects her too much. She'd be focused on him, worried about what he thought, distracted by him, he just sends her mind whiring and her pulse racing.

Though, it's pretty telling and super sweet that the first thing she wants to know when he approaches her afterward is what he thought of the speech. Oh, Eda, you're not fooling anyone. His opinion is most important to you, pretty much in all things. This scene gives us something that rarely happens, Engin being tone deaf and not reading the room!! WTF was wrong with him? Interrupting like that? Dude knows that Serkan is in a situation here, you don't interrupt for really no reason like that! Get your head in the game, son! Your his wingman, you help, not hinder!

The way Eda blushed and looked pleased every time he complimented her this episode was something else. She's trying to keep emotional distance, and he's breaking the rules when he does it, but still it makes her day. She's never portrayed as a vain character, at all, so it's just so sweet how his words and his compliments affect her. No one else can make her feel like that.

Serkan was pretty sly in making his case as well. He gets her a bit mushy telling her she lights up the room and then brings up her speech and how it might apply to him. He was right in that she probably hasn't considered things from his perspective. How devastating it must have been for him to learn the truth. I want her to go back and piece together the timeline. She knew something wasn't right with him at the mall when she gave him the robot. Maybe it will help her deal with this if she realizes he had just learned the secret. She knew there was more to the story with the cut on his hand. Knowing he was so upset he put his hand through a coffee table might give her some perspective on his state of mind and why he acted the way he did. But mostly I want him to tell her he overheard her conversation with Ceren. I think it's important for them both to confront how things unraveled if only to help prevent future miscommunications.

Poor Eda having a good time using her powers of persuasion to tease Serkan into helping his mother only to find out that she had convinced him to auction himself off for a dinner date! I enjoyed her momentary discomfort at that. Welcome back, jealousy. Strictly work colleagues do not get jealous when one goes out to dinner with someone else, just saying, Eda. And that smooth bastard bid on himself so he could go out with her only. We should have known!

The conversation prior to the runway show was priceless, Eda's animosity and reserve sort of disappear and she's just unsure enough of what she's about to do that his reassurances are exactly what she needs. And how Kerem Bursin can blush on demand, I don't know, but Serkan be red during that conversation, lol.

I really loved all of Serkan's reactions as the ladies walked the runway. For Selin he was stone-faced and bored looking, for Fifi he gave a sly smirk as she passed as an acknowledgement of how different, and nice, she looked all cleaned up, Melo got the huge grin, we didn't really see Ceren since the camera was stuck on Ferit, but for Piril he gave her the fond, encouraging smile like he was proud of his friend. And then Eda. I don't even know what word to use for it. Enraptured? Dumsquizzled? Fuckstruck? Yes, let's go with fuckstruck. I'm not sure he remembered to breathe while she was walking, he was so affected by her. This boy has it bad for this girl, ya'll.

After that, the end was a punch in the gut. Our poor babies have been through so much, they really deserved to have that nice dinner. Damn you, Selin! Obviously this was a delaying tactic, because once they sat down to dinner, you know they would have worked it out, so we wait. But the reconciliation is coming, don't you worry. I'm feeling it within the next 2 episodes for sure.

#Sen Çal Kapımı #sen cal kapimi #edser #sck 1x20 #edser discussion #sck episode discussion #sckask #asklizac #anonymous #serkan bolat #eda yildiz

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thewidowsghost · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 1 - The Unknown Muggleborn (Harry Potter Various x Reader)

3rd Person POV

(M/n) (L/n) walks out of her boyfriend's vacation home in London, her daughter - (Y/n) - propped on her hip and gets into her car.

It was Halloween of 1981, also her daughter's second birthday and (M/n) was going to visit her friends, James and Lily Potter, as well as their son, Harry.

The brown haired man watches his girlfriend fondly as she gets into her car, then walks over to her window. He leans into the window, ruffling his green eyed daughter's hair and the little girl giggles. (Y/n) playing with a little stuffed black and white kitten and makes it walk on her father's arm. The kitten had been a gift from her dad for her birthday, and her father had a birthday button pinned to his daughter's shirt.

(M/n) leans over and presses a kiss to her boyfriend's lips and ruffles her boyfriend's slightly spiky brown hair.

"Do you want me to come with you?" asks the brown haired man.

"Tony, I'll be fine," (M/n) says, a loving glint in her eyes.

"Okay, I love you," Tony says, leans out of the window and (M/n) drives off, (Y/n) still giggling in the back seat.

About half-an-hour later into the drive, (Y/n) lets out a cry as she drops her stuffed kitten. (M/n) glances in the rear-view mirror as tears streak down her daughter's cheeks.

Then (M/n) fixes her gaze back on the road and slams on the brakes, the car skidding to a stop a few feet from a cloaked man. The figure turns to look at the car and slides a long piece of wood from the pocket of the cloak.

(M/n) glances back at her daughter, who had gone silent, (M/n)'s green eyes wide with alarm, the young girl completely forgetting about the stuffed kitten on the floor.

(M/n) lets out a scream as the car door blasts open and the figure points the long bone white stick at her. Then, the cloaked man's gaze shifts back to (Y/n) and (M/n)'s silvery green eyes fill with terror.

"Don't!" (M/n) cries as the cloaked man shifts the piece of wood on her daughter. "Stop!" she calls again and the cloaked figure's wand shifts back to (M/n).

Though she was terrified and wanted to run, she knew she couldn't leave her daughter for this man to kill. And it's not like (M/n) didn't know who the cloaked figure was, either, for she knew exactly who this was - Lord Voldemort.

Lord Voldemort - the wizard who was known for killing hundreds of muggles, witches, and wizards alike.

(Y/n) begins to cry at her mother's screams and Voldemort, (M/n) lets out a cry and goes to draw her wand, but Voldemort shoots a jet of green light, at her, instantly killing her.

Voldemort points his wand at (Y/n), the two year old girl's eyes crossing at the stick pointed at her. There is a flash of red light and (Y/n) falls unconscious, a strange hourglass shaped mark on her neck.

Voldemort leaves, the car still running, (Y/n) unconscious in the back of the car, and (M/n) dead in the front seat.

A few minutes later, (Y/n) comes out of her unconscious state, and begins to babble for her mother, but when she doesn't get a response, she begins to cry.

The young girl's cries alert a woman passing by and the woman opens the door of the car and the brunette looks in horror at the mother, a hand moving to cover her mouth.

(Y/n)'s cries grow louder at the sight of the stranger, the young girl just wanting her mother and father, and her stuffed kitten that she could still see on the floor.

The brown haired woman looks back at (Y/n) with gentle eyes, and the young girl's cries begin to grow quieter until they stop, her eyes wide.

The woman opens (Y/n)'s door and hands (Y/n) the stuffed kitten from off the floor, and (Y/n)'s green eyes stare into the woman's clear green eyes.

The brown haired woman unbuckles (M/n)'s seat-belt, and pull out her wallet.

"(L/n)," the brunette whispers and (Y/n) looks towards the front, her tiny hands messing with her stuffed kitten. The green eyed woman looks through the purse, trying to figure out the girl's name. "(Y/n)."

At her name, (Y/n) meets the woman's gaze, her lip quivering. The brown haired woman unbuckles (Y/n) from the car and cradles the young girl in her arms.

The brown haired woman turns off the car and walks with (Y/n) back to her house, the woman instantly being met by her husband.

"Jean, darling, what's going on?" A brown haired man asks, looking in concern at the young girl in his wife's arms.

"Tom," Jean - presumably the woman - says softly, "her mother's dead."

The man - Tom - looks at the girl, who is still clutching her stuffed kitten, with a saddened look in his eyes.

(Y/n) catches sight of a little girl with bushy brown hair playing with a book in the living room floor. (Y/n) babbles something and the bushy brown haired girl looks up, babbling something unintelligible back.

(Y/n) reaches her arms towards the other little girl, and Jean sets (Y/n) down by her two year old daughter and the brown haired girl reaches her hand out for the stuffed kitten still clutched in (Y/n)'s small hands.

The two girls don't pay attention to the conversations behind them as the two girls begin to play with the little kitten.

Tom and Jean call the police, reporting the dead woman and the young girl that Jean had taken out of the car.

The next day, Mr. Dursley finds it harder to concentrate on drill that afternoon, and when he leaves his building at five o'clock, he is so worried about the voices he had heard earlier. He is so worried that he walks straight into someone just outside the door.

"Sorry," he grunts, as the tiny old man stumbles and almost falls. It is a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realizes that the man is wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem upset at being almost knocked to the ground.

On the contrary, his face splits into a wide smile and he says in a squeaky voice that makes passersby stare, "Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!"

And the old man hugs Mr. Dursley around the middle and walks off.

Mr. Dursley stands, rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thinks that he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was; he is rattled. He hurries to his car and set off for home, hoping he isn't imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.

As he pulls into to driveway of Number Four, Privet Drive, the first thing he sees - and it doesn't improve his mood - is the tabby cat he'd spotted earlier this morning. He is sure it is the same one; it has the same markings around its eyes.

"Shoo!" says Mr. Dursley loudly; the cat doesn't move. It just gives him a stern look. Is this normal cat behavior? Mr. Dursley wonders. Trying to pull himself together, he lets himself into the house, determined not to mention anything to his wife.

Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She tells Vernon over dinner about Mrs. Next Door's problems with their daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word - "Won't!". Mr. Dursley tries to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he goes into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:

"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allows himself a grin."Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"

"Well, Ted," says the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early -- it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."

Mr. Dursley sits frozen in his arm chair. Shooting stars all over Britain?Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters...

Mrs. Dursley comes into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It's no good. I'll have to say something to her, he thinks. He clears his throat nervously, "Er - Petunia, dear - you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"

At he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looks shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended that she didn't have a sister.

"No," she says sharply. "Why?"

"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbles. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."

"So?" snaps Mrs. Dursley.

"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd."

Mrs. Dursley sips her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wonders whether he dares tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decides he didn't dare. Instead he says, as casually as he can, "Their son --he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"

"I suppose so," says Mrs. Dursley stiffly.

"What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"

"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."

"Oh, yes," says Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."

He doesn't say another word on the subject as they go upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley is in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley creeps to the bedroom window and peers down into the front garden. The cat is still there, staring down Privet Drive as though it is waiting for something.

Am I imagining things? Could all this have to do with the Potters? If is does . . . if it gets out that they are related to a pair of - well, I can't bare to think about it.

The Dursleys get into bed, Mrs. Dursley falls asleep quickly, but Mr. Dursley lies awake, turning it all over in his mind. I can't see how Petunia and I can get mixed in anything that can be going on, he yawns and turns over, it can't affect us . . .

How very wrong he turns out to be . . .

Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside is showing no sigh of sleepiness. It is sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixing unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It doesn't so much as quiver when a car door slams on the next street over, nor when two owls swoop overhead. In fact, it is nearly midnight before the cat moves at all.

A man appears on the corner the cat had been watching, appearing so suddenly and silently you'd have though he'd just popped out of the ground. The cat's ears twitch and its eyes narrow.

Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He is tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He is wearing long robes, a purple cloak that sweeps the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes are light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose is very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. This man's name is Albus Dumbledore.

Albus Dumbledore doesn't seem to realize that he'd just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots are unwelcome. He is busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he is being watched, because he looks up suddenly at the cat, which is still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seems to amuse him. He chuckles and mutters, "I should have known."

He finds what he is looking for in his inside pocket. It seems to be a silver cigarette lighter. He flicks it open, holds it up in the air, and clicks it. The nearest street lamp goes out with a little pop, he clicks it again - the next lamp flickers into darkness. Twelve times he clicks the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the on whole street are two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which are the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looks out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they won't be able to see anything that is happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slips the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and sets off down the street toward Number Four, where he sits down on the wall next to the cat. He doesn't look at it, but after a moment he speaks it it.

"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall," Dumbledore says. He turns to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he is smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who is wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, is wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair is drawn into a tight bun, and she looks distinctly ruffled.

"How did you know it is me?" she asks.

"My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."

"You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," answers Professor McGonagall.

"All day?" Dumbledore asks. "When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here.

Professor McGonagall sniffs angrily.

"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right," she says impatiently."You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no -- even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerks her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls... shooting stars.... Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent -- I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."

"You can't blame them," replies Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."

"I know that," says Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes,swapping rumors."

She throws a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he is going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she goes on. "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?"

"It certainly seems so," says Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a lemon drop?"

"A what?"

"A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of."

"No, thank you," answers Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for lemon drops. "As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -"

"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this 'You- Know-Who' nonsense -- for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort." Professor McGonagall flinches, but Dumbledore, who is unsticking two lemon drops, seemingly not noticing. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name."

"I know you haven't," says Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of."

"You flatter me," says Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."

"Only because you't too - well - noble to use them."

"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."

Professor McGonagall shoots a sharp look at Dumbledore and says, "The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?"

It seems that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It is plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she is not going to believe it until Dumbledore tells her it was true. Dumbledore, however, is choosing another lemon drop and does not answer.

"What they're saying," she presses on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are -- are -- that they're -- dead. "Dumbledore bows his head. Professor McGonagall gasps. "Lily and James... I can't believe it... I didn't want to believe it...Oh, Albus..."

Dumbledore reaches out and pats her on the shoulder. "I know... I know..." he says heavily.

Professor McGonagall's voice trembles she goes on. "That's not all.They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But -- he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how,but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke -- and that's why he's gone.Dumbledore nods glumly."It's -- it's true?" falters Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?"

"We can only guess," says Dumbledore. "We may never know."

"What about (M/n) and her daughter (Y/n)?" McGonagall asks tentatively. "I remember (M/n) saying that she was going to take (Y/n) over to see the Potters."

Dumbledore bows his head again sadly, and Professor McGonagall's face seems to fall even more.

"Not them too," McGonagall says sadly.

"Her daughter lives," Dumbledore says.

"Well, where is she now?" McGonagall asks.

"She is currently living with Muggles," Dumbledore answers. "The Muggles' daughter is the same age as (Y/n), and will most likely attending Hogwarts at the same year."

"Why not take her to her father?" McGonagall asks curiously.

"Nobody knows who he is," Dumbledore answers. "Just that he's a famous muggle, and (M/n) decided to keep his name off (Y/n)'s birth certificate as to not draw unwanted attention from others."

"At least young (Y/n) is alive," McGonagall says softly.

Professor McGonagall pulls out a lace handkerchief and dabs at her eyes beneath her spectacles.

Dumbledore gives a great sniff as he takes a golden watch from his pocket and examines it. It is a very odd watch. Twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets are moving around the edge. It must have made since to Dumbledore, though, because he puts it back in his pocket and says, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"

"Yes," replies Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?"

"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."

"You don't mean -- you can't mean the people who live here?" cries Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four."Dumbledore -- you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son -- I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!"

"It's the best place for him," says Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."

"A letter?" repeats Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous -- a legend -- I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future -- there will be books written about Harry -- every child in our world will know his name!"

"Exactly," says Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?"

Professor McGonagall opens her mouth, changes her mind, swallows, and then says, "Yes -- yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?" She eyes his cloak suddenly as though she thinks he might be hiding Harry underneath it. "Hagrid's bringing him."

"You think it -- wise -- to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?"

"I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore

"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," says Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to -- what was that?"

A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they look up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swells to a roar as they both looked up at the sky -- and a huge motorcycle falls out of the air and lands on the road in front of them.

If the motorcycle was huge, it's nothing to the man sitting astride it. He is almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five ti mesas wide. He looks simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hiding most of his face, hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots are like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he is holding a bundle of blankets.

"Hagrid," says Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?"

"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," says the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he speaks. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir."

"No problems, were there?"

"No, sir - house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol."

Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bend forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, is a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they can see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.

"Is that where - ?" Professor McGonagall breathes.

"Yes," answers Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever."

"Couldn't you do something about it Dumbledore?"

"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a prefect map of the London Underground. Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with."

Dumbledore takes Harry in his arms and turns towards the Dursleys' house.

"Could I - could I say good-bye to him?" asks Hagrid. He bends his great, shaggy head over Harry and gives him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid lets out a howl like a wounded dog.

"Shhh!" hisses McGonagall, "you'll wake the Muggles!"

"S-s-sorry," sobs Hagrid, taking out a large spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't sand it - Lily, (M/n), an' James dead an' Harry and (Y/n) off ter live with Muggles -"

"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispers, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore steps over the low garden wall and walks to the front door. He lies Harry gently on the doorstep, takes a letter out of his cloak, tucks it inside Harry's blankets, and then comes back to the other two. For a full minute, the three of them stand and look at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shake, Professor McGonagall blinks furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shines from Dumbledore's eyes seem to have gone out.

"Well," says Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."

"I'd like to visit the place where (Y/n) is staying if that's alright, Professor Dumbledore," McGonagall says softly.

Dumbledore nods, clicks the Put-Outer, and places his hand on McGonagall's arm.

There is a loud pop and the two are standing outside a brick house. There are windows lit and the front door is open, leaving the screen door the only protection from the outside world.

Through the door however, the two see two young girls, one with (H/c) hair and the other with frizzy brown hair, playing together.

"They seem to get along well," McGonagall comments.

"They do," Dumbledore agrees. "I believe it is best to keep (Y/n) here until she returns to the wizarding world."

"I do have a question Dumbledore," McGonagall says. Dumbledore turns to her and nods for the professor to continue. "Was Voldemort trying to kill (Y/n) as well? If so, is she as powerful of a witch as Harry may turn out to be?"

"I do not know," Dumbledore admits. "If she as well survived a killing curse," Dumbledore pauses, as if collecting his thoughts. Then he changes what he was going say, "Harry defeated Voldemort by surviving a killing curse. (M/n) was killed before Lily and James. If (Y/n) also survived a killing curse, why did she not defeat Voldemort as well?"

"Maybe Voldemort was not aiming to kill young (Y/n)," McGonagall offers.

Dumbledore nods as though agreeing with the Professor, though he had his own thoughts running though his head.

Word Count: 4482 words

Tell me if you guys liked this first chapter and also if you can figure out what this is a crossover of.

So yeah, I'll see y'all soon!

Love, Kaitlynn ❤️😍

#hermione granger #harry potter #fred weasley #george weasley #ron weasley #fem reader #hermione granger x sister reader #harry potter various x reader

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prince-of-elsinore · 4 years ago

Text

On the Weechesters that could have been

Or, Supernatural has a flashback problem

So, I've been thinking a lot about Dean's confession ("I didn't know what I would've done if I didn't have you," "it was always you and me") and how it shapes my view of season one and my pre-series headcanons. On the one hand, it really only confirms what we could already infer, but on the other, it enshrines as canon, beyond a doubt, just how big a deal the events of the pilot were to Dean, how much he wanted and needed Sam in his life. Meaning Dean already knew back then that Sam was it for him. It's possible he didn't fully examine or accept this until after Sam had left, but either way, the groundwork for that need was laid in their childhood. Despite various complaints Dean has voiced over the years (either jokingly or seriously) about having to look after Sam, all he wanted at 26 was to have his brother at his side again, and that could only arise from true affection and attachment--and yeah, an unhealthy dose of codependency.

And we know the affection and codependency run both ways, even if it wasn't as explicitly stated on Sam's part, especially in season one. Personally, I trust Jared Padalecki to understand Sam best, and he's said that Sam's happiest moment was committing to getting back on the road with his brother--despite the fact that back then, Sam's assumption was that he would return to his normal life after they found Jess's killer. Jared has also said something to the effect of "Sam loved his father and brother so much he had to leave" which definitely reframes his decision to go to Stanford--because of, rather than in spite of, his love. How to make sense of these statements? They only track if Sam really is just as smitten (in the platonic sense) as Dean. In spite of whatever resentment he had towards Dean, he loved him (keep in mind, the deeper the love, the deeper the potential resentment) and, importantly, liked him, and was intrinsically tangled up in him. Everything Sam does and says makes perfect sense if you accept that Sam loved his family, but hated hunting. Of course he's upset that the father and brother he loves and needs go out and risk their lives all the time. He's right to be. And of course he would be especially upset that his brother doesn't even try to imagine a different life for himself, that he takes their father's word as law despite the damage it does to Dean. And, when Sam finally does leave, it hurts him that Dean doesn't try to understand his decision because it would shake Dean to his foundations to consider that Sam might be right, let alone to consider following him out of the life (as I believe Sam would have preferred, though he probably knew it was a lost cause). Dean can only see it as Sam abandoning him, even though for Sam it was always about leaving hunting, never about leaving his brother. Sam wanted nothing more than his brother on his side, by his side, and it broke his heart when Dean seemed to choose John over Sam. The tragedy of the Stanford split is that Sam and Dean each thought their worst fear was confirmed--for Dean, that Sam didn't need him, and for Sam, that Dean hated him--even though this really wasn't the case.

So, why this digression about the old Stanford grievance and the boys' headspaces in the pilot? Because I wish so much we got to see how they got there--and the flashback episodes, for the most part, do not show us. In fact, there's a frustrating pattern of flashbacks that don't really corroborate this textually-supported characterization of young Sam and Dean. Almost universally, the flashbacks concentrate on the brothers in isolation from each other, either physically or emotionally (or both). That's not to say that they're all bad episodes or that they don't reveal other important information about Sam and Dean. It does, however, give an overall skewed impression of their "normal" as kids, and presents something of a paradox in considering the Winchesters' childhood. We see, textually, that the brothers must have been extremely attached to each other growing up, beyond just Dean's sense of duty to look after Sammy (which is hammered home again and again, and again...), but this isn't the impression most flashbacks give. Let's take a closer look:

1x18 Something Wicked--Sam is too young to be much of player. It's all about Dean and his sacrifices/responsibility for Sam--all important stuff, but aside from Sam offering Dean the prize in the cereal box, there isn't much evidence of actual affection between them. Dean appears only put upon--fair enough for a young kid given such (way too much!) responsibility, but it's to the complete exclusion of any potential positive emotion, even fondness, for Sam.

3x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas--This flashback is the exception, and it's why it's my favorite! This was a crucial moment for the brothers in their young lives, when they chose each other over anyone else. Sam trusts Dean, not his father. Dean tries to put on a nice Christmas for Sam because he feels it's his job, yes, but he then experiences genuine gratitude when Sam gives him the pendant. They lean on each other. They comfort each other. In short, we see the why and the how of their relationship. I wish every flashback accomplished what this one does.

4x13 After School Special--The focus is mostly on Sam and his relationship with Barry and that English teacher, with a big emphasis on Sam's dissatisfaction with his life. That's super important, but I can't think of any moment between Sam and Dean that reads like anything other than pretty average brothers... which they are decidedly not. The episode drives home the diverging desires of the brothers more than anything.

5x16 Dark Side of the Moon--Not strictly a flashback episode, but we do glimpse important memories in Sam and Dean's heaven. Dean's 4th of July memory is iconic for a reason--it's one of those rare moments we really see why these brothers feel the way they do about each other. They're having actual fun together--the only time we get to see young Winchesters doing that! We all know which of Sam's memories were in heaven, though, and how that made Dean feel. Now, it makes sense that Sam would cherish moments when he was getting away from The Life, but the fact that the writers again chose to prioritize this (beat a dead horse, one could say), over showing a single good memory Sam had of the family he supposedly (actually, really!) loves, feels wrong and motivated solely by the plot's need for more artificial brother drama. Could anyone really blame a casual viewer for believing that Sam doesn't love his brother as much as Dean loves him? And yes, one can make excuses--Sam probably had lots of heaven memories of Dean that weren't shown! Zachariah was messing with them!--but it's still on the writers to make that clear.

5x23 Swan Song--I'm including this one for the flashes we get of little Sam and Dean in the Impala. These are beautiful moments, but it amounts to telling, not showing: we get toy soldiers and legos, and a brief shot of Sam and Dean carving their initials. What we don't see is the impetus behind that action. We are essentially told how to feel about these things. (Don't get me wrong, I think it's still a really well done episode and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel exactly what it wanted me to feel--I'm just pointing out a pattern.)

7x03 The Girl Next Door--Dean is only present as a voice on the other end of a phone call (do we even hear him? Can't remember. Don't think so). Oh, and Sam has doubts, yet again, about hunting monsters. Hm, I think we've been here before. Sam has an instant connection with a girl he just met and he seems ready to put her before his family. I get that he doesn't want her to die, which is sympathetic. But again, one would be forgiven for thinking he does not care about--or even actively hates--both John and Dean. Maybe he does hate them a little bit in this moment, and wouldn't that be interesting to explore? (Cue Jared saying Sam had to leave because he loved John and Dean so much! He couldn't stand the thought of it all turning to resentment! It makes so much sense!) But, alas, the episode just doesn't go there.

9x07 Bad Boys--This time it's the Dean show, and we get to see Dean finding happiness away from his family, even if he needs some time to warm to the apple pie life. Okay, cool to know this about Dean. And the moment at the end is interesting, and gratifying for brothers fans, since Dean doesn't seem pulled back out of a mere sense of grudging obligation to Sam--he gives such a genuine, loving smile when he sees him. He wants to go back to Sam. But it's just a gesture, telling rather than showing again. We don't know why Sam makes him feel that way.

11x08 Just My Imagination--The only brother interaction, over the phone, doesn't reveal much about how the brothers feel about each other, though it does hint that Dean would ultimately come down on their father's side when John and Sam were at odds. Dean asks John, on Sam's request, to bring Sam along on a hunt, but he doesn't press the issue when John refuses. If anything, this leaves me more curious than ever about what the good in their relationship looked like, if Sam was so often disappointed by Dean's kowtowing to their father.

Sully seems a bit like English Teacher 2.0, encouraging young Sam to figure out what he wants for himself and reject the family business. I think it's quite well done and sweet, actually, and it's nice that in the end Sully actually thanks adult Dean for looking after Sam (how rare for anyone to acknowledge that), and Dean likewise comes to appreciate Sully. In the flashbacks, we learn that Sam was eager to join in hunts when he was little, which is interesting and sad when you think about how that changed. Already, though, he must feel pretty ambivalent, because he's seriously considering running away at the same time. Ultimately, Sam chooses his family--articulating that what he wants is to be with his dad and Dean--and rejects Sully's message of self-determination. He makes the decision that may not be best for him, but he's motivated by love. It seems in character, and hints at the claustrophobic pull of the Winchester family. Yet again, though, we are left to fill in the blanks ourselves about why Sam wants to be with his dad and Dean. In fact, the motivations for his two apparently conflicting desires--to stay or run away--are never very clearly laid out. We don't know what, specifically, Sam doesn't like about the hunting life, when part of him also wants to hunt, and we don't know what it is about his family--what good memories, desires, or needs--that draws him back to it.

15x16 Drag Me Away (From You)--It's unfortunate that the young actors had no chemistry whatsoever, but the script also didn't do them any favors as far as displaying their dynamic. Dean has a moment of vulnerability (if you squint) over Sam thinking about college, but aside from that, it's almost amazing how little the brothers interact, given that they're staying in a motel together, on their own. What a missed opportunity. Can you imagine if the episode had focused even a little more on Sam and Dean, rather than on their interactions with those other random kids? If it had given us just a fraction of the relationship "A Very Supernatural Christmas" managed to show in such an understated, poignant way? You wouldn't know these brothers liked or loved each other from this episode. When Dean said "We made a good team" I was honestly baffled because they barely did anything together. You could argue Dean was reaching with that statement because he was desperate, but again, there's nothing actually shown to back that up.

Ultimately, what these flashbacks show can all be true--it doesn't negate what we know about Sam and Dean from the show's present. Of course, like any brothers, they teased and annoyed the hell out of each other. Of course they had vastly diverging desires for themselves and their lives--that's sort of the premise of the show and characters in the early seasons. These aspects of their relationship are true, but these aspects are not the whole story, which is why it's frustrating that almost every flashback focuses exclusively on these things. From the flashbacks alone, you might think Dean is only about "protect Sammy" (and later, "order Sammy around") and Sam is only about "I hate my life (and by extension, family)." Most of us could tell all along--and the finale confirms--that there's another story underneath this one, though, of two brothers who are soulmates, destined to find each other like magnets again and again.

But this requires the astute viewer to do a lot of legwork in characterizing the brothers' childhood dynamic beyond what's shown--partly as a result of some logistical and practical issues (especially with child actors), to be sure, but mostly of lazy writing. There's a difference between respecting your audience's intelligence enough not to spoon-feed them every detail, and expecting them to pick up the slack and make excuses when your characterization and plotting is inconsistent or one-note. This is far from the most egregious example of this in Supernatural, but the finale had me thinking more closely about what is canon for the pre-series era, and it drove home how much it applies to the flashbacks.

So what would I have liked to have seen? What it comes down to is interaction between the brothers. The only flashback where we have both brothers in equal focus, interacting with each other rather than outside characters, is "A Very Supernatural Christmas." It's impossible to show the progression and significance of a relationship when you consistently show only one side of it at a time (or don't even focus on said relationship when both parties are in the same room--looking at you, 15x16). Sam and Dean are the heart of the show, and they should have--together--been the heart of the majority of flashbacks. It's not that Sam wasn't a lonely kid, but as Dean says to Sam in "Just My Imagination": "You had me!" Of course, Dean's memory is skewed--he isn't thinking about all the times he went off with John on a hunt and left Sam behind, and hell, even when Dean was supposed to be babysitting, we know from "Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie" that he sometimes dumped Sam. But I can't believe that Dean is totally wrong, either. Sam and Dean must have been each other's best--only--friends, living the life they did. What we see rarely looks like friendship, and it certainly doesn't track as a basis for the codependency we see in the series present, starting with the pilot. That didn't come from nowhere, though.

I would have loved to have seen that first hunt Sam went on in Milwaukee, after he left Sully. I would have loved to have seen Dean, proud of his little brother becoming a hunter. Or Dean, looking out for Sam on a hunt (and treating Sam's peril like a bigger deal than he does in 15x16, where it barely phases him). I wish I'd seen the moment that made Sam reject a future as a hunter, after his initial excitement. Did something happen on a hunt? Was it the violence of it? The brutality against a monster with a human face? Or the peril? Was there a moment when Sam's life was in danger? Or perhaps, a moment when John's or Dean's was, that scared Sam even more? I wish I'd seen Sam grappling with how leaving hunting would mean leaving the family he loves. I wish I'd seen him mention it to Dean, try just once to convince him to try a different life, and get shot down. I wish I'd seen more of the Dean who wants to give Sammy the world, struggling with the increasingly impossible task of balancing Sam's wants and needs with John's orders. Dean, caught in the middle of their arguments and torn apart by it. Sam, hurt when Dean doesn't back him up. Dean, terrified that Sam might actually follow through with that college pipe dream. Perhaps all of this would have been indulgent (not to mention difficult to film, with the right child actors and JDM), but even part of it would have allowed for some nuanced characterization.

More than anything, though, I would have liked to have seen a few more of the good memories, because they are actually important to understanding the characters and the story. It's not about fluff; it's about showing rather than telling. What are the good memories that made Sam love Dean and even his dad? Sam's anger towards their father is all the more compelling and believable if there is a fierce love underneath the layers of resentment and betrayal. And you know what's even more sad than a kid whose dad didn't make it home for X occasion? A kid whose dad did come home, just once, and the kid who enshrines that one perfect memory because they don't realize how messed up it is that it's such a rarity. Or, if it wasn't John making it home for one holiday, maybe it was the one time Sam remembers getting John's approval in some way--it could be any number of small things. The good that a character holds onto, no matter how small a scrap, says a lot about them. And the same goes for Sam and Dean. Where was Sam the social outcast, wanting but struggling to fit in, grateful that at least he doesn't have to put on a pretense of normality around his brother? Dean, feeling the same, though he'd never admit it? Dean, talking Sam up rather than tearing him down? How they felt safe, comfortable, only with each other? Even if they both had to act a certain way to earn the other's approval or admiration, that act must have felt worth it for the reward. Where was the Sam that looked up to and tried to emulate Dean, and the Dean that cherished that more than anything? Where were the moments of fun, the contentment Dean felt when he managed to put a smile on Sammy's face? The small acts of rebellion that united them, however briefly, against both their father and the world? The fireworks scene has to do so much heavy lifting all on its own, in the face of all the flashbacks that repeatedly give the opposite impression.

People are complex, of course, and we're fortunate to have two such complex characters as Sam and Dean. Both the good and the bad of their childhood, and their relationship with each other, are true, but the writers chose to emphasize one side much more than the other when it came to the flashbacks. As much as I'm a believer in the power of the audience's imagination and of transformative works, it is still up to the writers to guide that imagination in a certain way. Unfortunately, in the case of the flashbacks, that guidance is off-track and unbalanced at best, and negligent misguidance at worst. The story of Sam and Dean only makes sense with a more balanced picture. It only works if it really is about two brothers who love each other more than anything. It only makes sense if there's much more to their childhood relationship than we were shown. Now that the series is over, we won't be getting any more flashbacks (unless prequel series? Unlikely haha), so we're left to fill in these gaping blanks on our own. At least the finale gave us some good crumbs to work with.

#spn meta #weechesters #weechesters meta #sam and dean #dean winchester #sam winchester #winchester brothers #spn #spn critical #not like super critical. but it is a critique.#spn finale positive #my meta #musings #long post #wow like so much longer than the couple paragraphs i though i was gonna write oh well #responses welcome!#even if you disagree. just keep it civil

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xoxo-ren-xoxo · 5 years ago

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smptwt as of 04/07/2020

Right. You asked for it, so you shall recieve. Below the cut is probably one of the most thought-out, in-depth, hopefully unbiased (but probably not) and above all helpful accounts of what the fuck is happening in the smplive and lunch club fandoms right now. I will be covering everything I can- but in the case that I’ve forgotten something, please let me know so I can have a crack at making an update.

Before the cut, I’d just like to link my first three posts about this same topic, covering my thoughts and the events of the last couple of months of drama. It feels so strange that I’ve made so many of these, but as long as they help people, I’ll keep making them.

Part 1: https://crunchy-corvid.tumblr.com/post/619547090403622912/the-cscoopsmptwt-drama

Part 2: https://crunchy-corvid.tumblr.com/post/619746266158661633/more-on-smptwt-long-post

Part 3: https://crunchy-corvid.tumblr.com/post/619886809143476225/smptwt-part-3-030620

I’d like to preface this with a huge thank you to everyone who helped me collect and compile information for this post- and those who helped censor twitter handles and edit screenshots. Without you, this post would have never been made.

Thank you to everyone on the Cancelled Heaven discord server: https://discord.gg/emrh2u

Now, onto the thing.

So we’ll start at the beginning with the easiest ‘drama’ (I hate calling it that) to cover. Charlie (slimecicle) tweeted on his second account and it caused a little upset. It’s not much but it feeds into a greater conversation that I think is relevant here:

We’ll start with Charlie’s original point, then move on to the reply. Obviously, this post was poorly timed, because everyone thought it was about the Cooper (cscoop) drama, when in reality it was just a general comment. I saw a lot of replies along the lines of ‘it’s okay you can @ cscoop’ and similar things. If you’ve read my previous posts you’ll know how I feel about the Cooper situation, but regardless, there are a few reasons why this is a Bad Take/poor interpretation of what Charlie said.

Charlie and Cooper are friends. They haven’t fallen out as far as we know. Charlie is left-wing, and definately doesn’t seem like the kind of person to be friends with someone who is racist/transphobic/sexist etc. So why would he be talking about Cooper in this post?

Also, Charlie is clearly talking about people who still say slurs, not people who have said slurs in the past. This is how I read it, a jab at streamers and gamers who use ‘dark humour’ to justifty their actions. A lot of people seemed to relate this to Cooper, despite him never trying to justify his use of slurs. The people who did try to justify his actions this way were fans, not the man himself. So again, this post doesn’t relate to Cooper.

On to the reply, which sparks a different conversation all together. While I see where the commenter is coming from, and agree with them to an extent, Charlie is allowed to have his own opinion on the matter. And he is right. Using insulting language against heterosexual people does create a larger divide and doesn’t get anyone on our ‘side’. It just makes us look immature and causes a lot of straight cis people to assume that we hate them.

On the other hand, I do think that saying things like ‘disgusting hets’ can be a funny joke if you are saying it to your friends who don’t have any issue with it. You probably shouldn’t get into the habit of saying things like that though, just in case you actually hurt someone with your words. Both sides of the argument have pros and cons, so anyone angry at Charlie for his opinion really have no reason to be.

Charlie’s reponse to this comment was reasonable, responsible, and mature, and he is clearly showing that he understands the concerns of his audience. This is all I’ll say about Charlie in this post. Honestly, he’s generally unproblematic and ‘safe’ to keep watching, if you enjoy a very drama-free environment. Have fun!

Now I’ll move on to Ted. He’s made some great points recently about cancel culture which I strongly agree with. Here’s his first tweets:

I don’t have much to add here, this is perfectly valid in my opinion- though I feel like sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by the people they follow. For example, if someone follows Trump, Ben Shapiro, and a bunch of right-wing youtubers, they probably agree with a lot of the things they say. But I think the point Ted is trying to make is that he shouldn’t be harassed about drama his friends fall into. If he isn’t involved, leave him out of it.

Next we’ll take a look at his tweets on stans, probably sparked by the drama with Carson, which I will be talking about later.

Again, I have no issue with what Ted is saying here. His idea is a good one, and a fun way to distinguish casual fans from people who create art, content, and (appropriate) fanfiction for the ‘flandom’!

Basically, how I see it, is that a ‘fan’ is a casual viewer who doesn’t really get involved in the flandom, maybe posting about smplive and/or lunch club occasionally, but not being too involved. A ‘flan’ is someone who interracts a lot, creates art and fiction that respects boundaries, and posts more about the boys than a casual fan does. A ‘stan’ is a stalker-fan, creepy and obsessive, too invested, maybe creates art and fiction that crosses boundaries, and obsessively posts about the boys.

I think this new terminology is really cool and Ted is smart for coming up with it (also, probably hungry when coming up with it too). I think that the term ‘stan’ should be thrown out and used to describe the ‘bad’ side of fandoms. There is a risk that people will hide behind the term ‘flan’ to disguise the fact that they are a stan, but this is still a good step foward.

But you’re not here to listen to me ramble about Ted or Charlie. You’re here for Carson. So let’s get on with it.

Carson made a series of tweets talking about stans, much like Ted did later. He seemed tired of stans harassing him about his friends, a sentiment shared by Ted (who faced very minimal backlash over his tweets). Here’s what he said:

Which is something I fully agree with. For big content creators like Carson and his friends, stan culture is absolutely insane. Recently they’ve been trying to ‘catch out’ many people who are part of smplive and/or lunch club, most obviously with Cooper and Schlatt but I’ve seen the others getting ‘called out’ too. Carson’s anti-stan stance is well-known in the flandom (yes I am using that word get used to it) so these tweets didn’t surprise me.

For some reason stans seem to think that if one creator is okay with their behaviour, every other creator is too. This is not the case. Carson was within his full right to say these things about stans.

Obviously the replies got out of hand. People became horribly angry very quickly, and clearly Carson had already had enough because pretty soon he started blocking stan accounts- which only made them more mad.

Of course, there were supporters and anti-stan comments out there too, such as this fun exchange:

But a whole lot of people got angry. Carson was trending for a while, too, after he started blocking stans. Unfortunately some people did get wrongfully blocked, which sucks, sure, but use of an alt account or logging off of twitter can solve that problem (this can also be said for stan accounts. Carson didn’t stop any of them from viewing his content, just blocked them so that he didn’t have to see their tweets).

Carson did this for his own mental health. After a long conversation with older people who have been in fandoms for decades, I can tell you that being at the top is always hell. New threads created about you every day, friends you can’t trust, and people giving you shit for things other people said. I can’t imagine how someone as popular as Carson has dealt with this for so long.

People who were blocked started to claim that they were having panic attacks, that they hyperfixate so they can’t help being obsessive, and that Carson doesn’t care about mental health for these reasons. They said some pretty toxic and manipulative things and a lot of people clearly didn’t know what they were talking about:

First of all, these comments on the Katerino and Fitz situation are honestly disgusting. These people are only proving Carson’s point that stans will be super supportive one second and turn around to hate you the next. To bring up something like this, something completely unrelated and highly personal- knowing Carson will see- is disgraceful. To speculate about a relationship that Carson has explicitly stated he doesn’t want people to speculate about just to try and make a point? Horrible.

A lot of stans seem to have this ‘we made you famous so we dictate how you feel’ mentality, which I hate. Exactly as the reply says, they sound like toxic parents with these words. To think you deserve ‘respect’ from someone after accusing their friends of horrible things and harassing them to the point that they block you is so manipulative and quite frankly cruel.

Again, Carson has the right to block anyone he wants. Creators are not your friends, they are entertainment. If you are making them upset and harassing them, you shouldn’t get mad when they block you.

Listen. It can be tough, finding out that someone you look up to has blocked you. Yes, I’m sure people had a not-so-nice time with their mental health when it happened to them. But in most cases, they were blocked for a reason. Some people were even literally asking to get blocked and then got mad when they did. But again, no one has been barred from viewing Carson’s content. He simply blocked people who he didn’t want to see in his comments section.

You have freedom of speech, but you don’t have freedom from consequence. If you say something that hurts someone else, you’re not always going to be free from their judgement.

Carson has been very open about his own struggles with depression and imposter syndrome recently, and people are viewing his actions as... hypocritical? This is flawed logic. Carson blocked stans because they were bad for his mental health, the fact that some claim to have had ‘panic attacks’ as a result is not on him. He has the autonomy to block who he wants to block.

Wilbur Soot made some comments about the situation, which can be found in this video from 7 minutes 30 seconds in, and goes until 10 minutes and 11 seconds in:

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/667971714

What Wilbur says here is completely understandable. He doesn’t have a problem with stans, but doesn’t speak for anyone but himself. Just because one person is okay with something doesn’t mean someone else is, too.

Also, a lot of people think that it’s okay to hate on someone like Carson or Schlatt, then turn around and stan Wilbur, which is kind of fucked up, because they’re friends in real life. How would you feel if someone was super nice to you, then turned around and harassed your friends?

A lot of people claimed to have ‘hyperfixations’ on Carson or lunch club, which they used as an excuse to be obsessive and creepy. This is bullshit, but someone else explained it a lot better than I could:

And I absolutely agree with this. You cannot use neurodivergence to explain away your creepiness. That’s just offensive to people who do hyperfixate, and leads to even more problems and misunderstandings.

Carson did a stream much later where he talked about all of these things, and boy did that go well (not). Here is a clip of him talking about hyperfixations:

https://m.twitch.tv/clip/SuaveBlushingDotterelBCWarrior

Now, here’s where my support for Carson falters. He should have done more research on what hyperfixations really are before he said things about them. He hurt some people with what he said, and just saying he’s uneducated on the topic isn’t really an excuse.

HOWEVER. Carson was given very little time to research (about 24 hours between his original tweets and his stream) and, more importantly, it is very obvious that the use of the term ‘hyperfixation’ has been warped and manipulated by stans who are misusing the term to excuse their behaviour. Carson probably saw stans using it and assumed it was something synonomous with ‘obsessions’.

What he said was poorly worded, but the point he was making is the same as the (much more researched and informative) tweet above. Anyone getting mad that he is somehow ‘invalidating mental health or autism’ with his comments clearly don’t understand the point he was trying to make in the first place.

And here’s a clip of Connor talking about it, too, as well as defending Carson’s right to block people as he wishes:

https://www.twitch.tv/connoreatspants/clip/YummySlickPlumageSpicyBoy

https://www.twitch.tv/connoreatspants/clip/JazzySpotlessMelonMoreCowbell

What he said here is completely valid, a little poorly worded in the same way as Carson’s statement, but overall something I stand behind.

Some people are claiming that Carson is being manipulative or ‘gaslighting’ fans and stans:

Carson is not against fans who create cool stuff for him and his friends. He is against the people who harass him, accuse his friends of horrible things, and try to look for every little thing they’ve said and done wrong. This is what he said, and people got mad at him for it, and so he blocked them. That is it. There is no gaslighting. There is no manipulation. I’ve seen much more manipulative things coming from the stans’ side of things.

Now we move on to Noah’s reply to Carson’s tweet. Which, yes, caused a whole new can of worms to be opened.

Now, for those like me who have trouble figuring out Noah’s way of speaking, let me translate: ‘stans are insecure people who start to feel entitled because they’ve started to view a streamer they like as a friend/someone who shares their pain.’

For those of you who don’t know, this is what ‘don’t negotiate with terrorists’ means:

However, almost predictably, stans saw the word ‘terrorist’ and lost their goddamn minds. That, coupled with the complicated phrasing of Noah’s words, caused a lot of stans to freak out.

This conversation is full of Bad Takes, but my main issue is that they are trying to diagnose Noah with an actual mental illness. That is not only offensive to people who have that illness (especially calling him ‘insane’ in the same sentence, as well as implying that having said illness makes you a bad person) but is also highly hypocritical since so many stans claimed to all be neurodivergent themselves.

Also, 90% of his fans aren’t stans. They’re mostly fans or flans. You are a loud minority. You aren’t as powerful as you think you are. Noah even started to retweet hate comments, that’s how few shits he gave. He also shows that he is concerned about people making things up about him, which is understandable.

Plus he outright said that stans are not fans of him, which in most cases, they’re not. Noah’s content isn’t as widely watched as some of his friends’ stuff, and a lot of stans don’t watch his streams.

But anyway, here’s one good take I saw floating around:

After this, before his stream, Carson deleted his original tweets and spent some time with his family, which was a sensible and mature thing to do at this point.

During Carson’s stream, someone notified him that his ‘fans’ had started to doxx stans. Here is his reaction:

https://m.twitch.tv/callmecarsonlive/clip/SpicySassyGerbilArgieB8

A lot of people got mad that he didn’t do more to stop the doxxings, but I want to raise the question: what was he supposed to do? He can’t control his ‘fans’ (another breed of stans who don’t call themselves stans were doing the doxxings, to be honest) and he said not to do it. He was streaming, he didn’t know how serious it was or even if it was true, at that moment, what was he supposed to do?

It did get serious. People I know were doxxed. Anyone posting anything (positive or negative) about lunch club, smplive, and Carson were in danger. It was not fake like some people claimed. The twt handles in this post are blurred out because of the doxxing threats. I am making this post at my own risk, but I do feel that tumblr is safer than twitter at the moment.

This being said, it is in no way Carson’s fault how out of hand this has become. He has been against doxxing in the past and his sentiments haven’t changed. He has said more about the doxxings in replies to tweets such as this one:

Also, here’s what the mods on Carson’s discord server had to say about the situation. They’ve clearly talked about this with Carson, and are strongly against anyone who is doxxing these people (especially since a lot of the people being doxxed are minors).

A similar sentiment was shared on Ted’s discord server:

Here is what ItsAsaii had to say:

So that’s basically where everything stands right now. If you want an even fuller update on everything, check out Carson’s stream ‘afternoon fellas and fellettes’ where he talks about everything.

Here’s the last tweets I have from Carson regarding the whole situation:

And I agree fully with what he has said. And again, Carson doesn’t owe stans anything. Just like what was said here, he had subs and fans before he had stans, they did not ‘make’ him, and they cannot control him.

This is all I have to say, for now. If I have missed anything or you’d like me to cover anything else, please let me know. If I have hugely missed the mark and said something super wrong/offensive, let me know. If you’d like me to talk about a streamer or youtuber not related to lunch club, throw me a DM or an ask and I’ll try to compile some things, even if I don’t watch their content or know who they are.

If you’d like up-to-date information about drama in smptwt, streamers, and youtubers, join the Cancelled Heaven discord server- which I linked at the start of the post.

I thank you all for reading, and suggest that you reblog this so that as many people as possible can see it. If you want to risk it, go ahead and link this post in a tweet or something, but please do be careful.

For some ‘extra reading’ (watching) I highly recommend Contrapoints’ video on cancel culture: https://youtu.be/OjMPJVmXxV8

And Philosophy Tube’s video on artists and fandoms, there’s some really insightful things about parasocial relationships: https://youtu.be/3IG0Y63LkDM

Lots of love, and have a great day <3

#smptwt #smplive #lunch club #callmecarson #ted nivison #slimecicle #cscoop #twitter #twitter drama #twt #lctwt #stan culture #cancel culture #long post

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sea-side-scribbles · 4 years ago

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Fanfiction: Sympathy For A Downer

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22737214/chapters/66113719

Chapter 36

Waking up, Norbert didn't feel very good again. His first reflex was to wipe his throbbing forehead and to moan in pain. Doing that, he wondered if he didn't wake up like this before and why it kept happening. "Norrie," he heard a soft voice soothe him. "Welcome back." Turning his head, Norbert's eyes met Morrie's and he immediately felt much better, resulting in a wide smile he gave his lover.

"Morning, Nick", he suddenly heard Matt's voice say. "Glad to have you back in the real world." Norbert looked around in confusion and found himself lying in their van, supposedly on the way back home. "So, wanna tell us how you turned into a cult leader yesterday, or will you take that to your grave?", Brad added to the conversation. "Well," Norbert began, trying to think about what he was going to say, and clumsily lifted his dizzy head up. Then he felt Morrie's hand on his shoulder.

"Careful, such a flash is really nasty, Virgil told me." Norbert nodded slowly, and with the other boy's help he sat up to lean into the comfy seat. "He's right", he said, rubbing his eyes. "It's awful." He made a pause to let this statement sink in, before he added: "I don't know a thing about yesterday. I don't even know what day it is now." "In short, it's the day we look forward to our bright future," Chris said grinning. "Yesterday we played on the biggest festival we've ever been on, then you vanished and joined the local cult that had a fight with the police and today morning Mr. Dainty had to bail you out. Ring any bells?" Norbert closed his eyes. It was exhausting to remember, but deep inside he knew it happened.

"Now that you say it...but why am I flashed again?" He glanced around and found that Morrie suddenly had a meek expression on his face. "Well...your new friends came back. The cult, I mean," he explained, avoiding eye contact. "Really now?," Brad played upset, "You had another party and didn't invite us? Nicky, I'm disappointed, I thought we're a team." "You can't be serious," Morrie shyness was gone. "It's bad enough when Nick drugs himself into oblivion whenever he has the chance!" "I'm not drugging myself," Norbert pointed out. "They tricked me." "Yeah right," Chris laughed. "Nicky, our little innocent, can't even tell cocaine from grape sugar." "I'm glad this is over," Morrie said before Norbert could protest. "They won't follow us all the way home, especially not on foot."

"Why on foot?", Norbert asked. "What if some of them can drive?" It was silent for a moment. "Just look outside," Matt advised him. "Huh?" Norbert did as he was told and at first he didn't notice anything. There was no contraflow at the moment, what was a bit weird. A second later he noticed the street was completely empty besides their van. "So...they really sent away all the cars...", he concluded, seeing foggy images of a stuffed street in his mind. "What will happen to ours?" "We have to hand it in, as soon as we're home," Morrie explained. "Really?" He nodded. "Ask Mr. Dainty."

Norbert searched the front seats now, where he was surprised to see his manager sitting next to their driver. Virgil gave him an apologizing look and said: "It's true. I can't help it. But don't worry, we won't need it anymore." "Oh...Okay..." Norbert fell silent. Thinking about all this made him really tired. He felt like the world around him had changed completely, including himself. Morrie gave him a worried look and whispered: "Are you alright?" Diving into his lover's eyes, Norbert found his smile again. One thing didn't change at all, and it filled his heart with warmth.

Their travel to Wellington Wells was way more comfortable than their outward run. It felt a bit eerie to see all these empty streets they swept across, but like this, they arrived at Britannia Bridge in only a few hours. Norbert wondered if they would simply go back into their house and continue their old life with small concerts in small pubs, when suddenly their travel was distracted by a group of people that was blocking the street in Hamlyn Village. "A parade? Just now?", he blurted out. They looked out of the windows, trying to figure out what was going on. Eddie blew the horn and made his way through the crowd. They didn't seem to mind their car though. Instead, they followed it.

"Look at this, the last car in Wellington Wells," Morrie muttered to himself while Norbert eyed the banners they were holding. Suddenly, he jumped. "They want us!" Now everyone tensed. "You can park up there," Virgil said to Eddie, and when they came to a halt he told the band: "Follow me."

Exiting the van, Norbert stared at the gathering they had caused. It was like a dream. Just after he had set foot on the pavement, a reporter and her cameraman planted themselves in front of him, talking eagerly into her microphone. "And there he is, the golden voice of the Make Believes, Nick Lightbearer. You just got home from probably the biggest music event of the year. How do you feel right now?" She held out her microphone to him without a warning. "Uh...I...I don't know how to feel about it yet. Honestly I can't believe it happened...", he stuttered. "It was quite a wild night for you, so we've heard. Do you like to tell the viewers a few things? What really happened?" "I...uh...I can only say you shouldn't believe everything you hear and read..." "But there's a tiny bit of truth in all this, am I right?" "Uh..." Norbert paused.

Suddenly Morrie barged in: "Just leave him alone with that stupid story, will ya? Is there nothing else you want to know?" The reporter seemed to be rather pleased with Morrie's appearance. "And there's Morrie Memento," she said into the camera, "who had been keeping an eye on Nick in the last few days." She turned back to Morrie. "Is it hard to watch out for a walking mess like him?" "What do you mean by that?" He wasn't willing to cooperate. "Wasn't it you who saved Nick out of the cultists' clutches?" Now Morrie paused.

"Yes, it was him," Norbert stepped back in, grabbing his lover by the shoulders. "You should've seen him! If looks could kill..." Morrie shoved him away from the microphone. "Now, if you'll excuse us, we're in a hurry." He kept on shoving Nick, making his way through the crowd into an empty alley. There he let out his anger. "What was that supposed to be? She layed out the bait and you took it!" "Oh, come on Morrie, play along a bit! Leave them their story and enjoy the attention!", Norbert tried to cheer him up, but Morrie turned away and crossed his arms. "I don't know if I want that particular kind of attention." Norbert walked closer so he could whisper to him: "And besides, imagining you as my protector is quite hot." He liked to see a spark lighting up in his lover's eyes. "It's time we get back home.", Morrie said, trying to sound casual. "Where are the others?"

Shortly after, Virgil appeared, followed by the rest of the band. "There you are. Are you okay?", he asked them and they quickly affirmed. "I booked hotel rooms for you, for the time until I've found a better solution. Your, well, house, isn't save enough anymore," he added. "Just follow me, it's not far." "Why don't we keep our old house and repair it?", Morrie asked. "I'm afraid that's above our budget right now." "Oh...okay." The hotel wasn't as neat as the one they had before, but it's roof was intact at least. "The windows are burglarproof, just in case. And you better leave the doors locked," Virgil explained with a smirk. "You thought of everything," Norbert said in an admiring tone. "That's what I'm here for," Virgil answered softly. "So, before we part for now, is there anything planned for the next days? Some new concerts?" "We're in the pub again next Saturday. That's all," Brad told him. "Alright, I'll be there."

In their hotel room Norbert quietly sat down on the bed. His mind was still dizzy from simply everything. Morrie carefully sat next to him. His anger had vanished and there was nothing but love in his voice when he asked: "Does it still hurt, Norrie?" Norbert gave him a faint smile. "A bit," he sighed. "Then take one of these..." Morrie handed him a pill. "Virgil recommends them. He says they help after a flash." Norbert gladly took it, then he rested his head on his lover's shoulder. "What a day...", he whispered. "Amen to that."

"I guess I brought a lot of trouble upon you...", Norbert began an apology and rubbed his cheek against his lover's shoulder, until Morrie leaned his head against his. "The second time, it wasn't your fault," he said in a soft voice. "It was bad luck. Or maybe just luck." Norbert chuckled. Morrie didn't join him. "I was careless," he went on, "I shouldn't have chained you to that bed. It was too dangerous. These people could've done who knows what to you..." His voice broke. "They're nice, just as I said," Norbert said calmly. "They're no cult. Just some friendly people who like to party." Morrie gulped. He wrapped his arms around Norbert and hugged him tightly. "I'll never chain you up again," he promised, buried into Norbert's shirt. "Oh, Morrie..." "No, it's true! I want to protect you! I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to you! You're my life!" Norbert moaned, pressing a hand against his chest. "Oh dear, my heart..." He turned to look deeply into his lover's brown eyes. "Don't feel guilty. You're doing so much for me. I'm so happy to be yours." With that, he softly kissed the other boy's lips.

"Will you watch out?" Morrie asked before he kissed him back. "For you?" They covered each other's faces with kisses as they spoke. "No, for you." Norbert chuckled again. "And maybe stop taking other people's candy," his lover added. "I think I can manage that...", Norbert answered, kissing a trail down Morrie's neck. "You...promise?" "I promise." Norbert's hands ran up and down Morrie's back. "I love you, Morrie," he whispered. "I love you too, you little troublemaker." That night, they loved each other very gently. There were no punishments, only love confessions and the bright future they were looking forward to. Everything seemed to be possible, as long as they stayed together.

The next days happened to be very busy again. Virgil surprised them with a call in the morning, saying that he had made an appointment with a recording studio, and they had two days to create an album. The studio was located in the Parade District, and even getting there and walking along the boulevards made them feel like stars. They had never been in this District before, and all of a sudden they were right there, seemingly without any efforts. Virgil had made that possible. On the contrary, working in the studio itself was very exhausting. They created take after take and nobody wanted to have any long breaks. They barely slept. In the end, they had ten songs, and multiple takes of each, and no audience to cheer them up. Norbert didn't know if he would ever get used to that weird atmosphere, but he knew he had no choice. And the image of having an album with their names on it was a great motivator. After these two days Norbert felt like he had spend at least a year in there. His old life felt so far away when he fell back into his hotel bed, ready to sleep for forever. Morrie fell down beside him and all they could to was cuddling, before the fell asleep.

The slept for a long time. Morrie, as usually, was the first to awake. When Norbert finally opened his eyes, he glanced into the bright smile of Uncle Jack. Morrie was watching his show that was getting more and more popular. He had turned down the volume so that his lover could sleep. "Good morning, honey," Norbert muttered out of his sheets, causing the other boy to turn around. "Hey, Norrie," he said and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Did you sleep well?" Norbert sat up, hugging his lover from behind. "I just had the weirdest dream. We've recorded our own tape. It even sounded quite decent." Morrie patted Norbert's arms. "Funny, I had the same dream. And the way things are going, so had Uncle Jack." He pointed at the TV. "This is insane," Norbert sighed into Morrie's ear. "We have a gig tonight, in the pub, you remember?" "Oh, man...that place still exists?" "I hope so. Was a nice place after all." "Yeah..."

For once, Norbert was glad that he could look forward to something familiar. Something he could wrap his mind around. He had the feeling it was lagging miles behind the last events. "Finally some normality, right?", he said and began to stroke Morrie's shoulders. Morrie leaned into the touch. "I miss our house," he whispered, sounding weepy. "Why?" Norbert asked while his hands moved down his lover's back. "In here, we don't have to turn the radio on every time we want to play." Morrie chuckled. "You sure nobody can hear us?" Norbert placed a kiss on his lover's neck. "Turn the sound back on, if you're afraid." "No," Morrie decided and turned the TV off. "This is just distracting." They were indeed quiet, also because they were still tired.

Later, they left the hotel to buy some coffee and sandwiches. It was their usual diet anyway, since their money didn't last out for more. Nobody recognised them on the streets and no reporters with probing questions awaited them. Norbert wondered if that was because they didn't wear their colorful suits, or if everything was back to normal again.

He noticed how far away from normal he was when they finally went to their pub. Looking at the people who where standing outside they wondered if they had misread the date and the pub was still closed. But then they went inside and saw that it was simply full. They met Virgil who looked very pleased. "Hello you two, how are you?" "Just great...This is...incredible," Norbert answered, eyeing the crowd. "Just keep a cool head, okay?" "Alright." When Norbert was about to leave, Virgil held him back. It felt very familiar, but not in a good way. "Can I have a word with you?" "Uh...okay." Norbert stayed, feeling not that great anymore. He patted Morrie's shoulders as a send-off, before he sat down at Virgil's table.

"What is it?" "I'm sorry if I repeat myself, but how do you feel?", his manager asked in a more serious tone and gave him a look that wasn't judging, but rather honestly interested. Norbert was puzzled about the question. "I feel a bit overwhelmed right now but I'll make it." He laughed nervously. "Is something wrong?" "Ah...perhaps it's nothing," Virgil said soothingly. "At the festival, I had the impression that you were...well, a bit restrained. Perhaps it was the excitement, perhaps something else." He gave Norbert a sympathetic glance. "I only want to say that you don't need to hold back. If anything, you can come out of your shell. Don't be shy. Just look around. They love you." He winked. "I know you can do it." Norbert was more and more afraid to blush. Enduring all these compliments from Virgil demanded a lot of self-control from him. "It was the excitement," he assured the man. "Today I'll totally go into overdrive, I promise." "I don't mean to stress you out, Nick. Try to forget that I'm here." "You don't stress me, Mr. Dainty. I had much worse listeners." He was in a very good mood when they parted, sure to show himself at his best.

Strutting into the room they used as dressing room, he bumped into Morrie, who pulled him into a bear hug. "Hi there," Norbert giggled. "Did you miss me?" "You have no idea. Every time you stay with our manager something bad happens," Morrie said into his shirt. "Not today, my love." Morrie searched his gaze. "Can you promise me something?", he quietly asked. "Everything, Morrie. What is it?" "There's a lot of new people here, mostly female. You know, the sort you attracted at the festival. Just be careful, okay? Restrain yourself." "What do you mean?", Norbert digged deeper, sensing that he already knew the answer.

"Don't...flirt with them, okay? Less eye contact, and less dancing." Norbert felt a sting in his chest when he heard that. "I thought you like my moves." "I do, but a lot of others do too. The birds, I mean." "But that's exactly what we need!" Morrie shook his head. "No, it's only causing trouble. Don't you get that?" "Our show was not the reason..." His lover interrupted him. "Norrie, all I'm asking for is a little more caution," Morrie pleaded. "Just...let the music speak to them. Your voice sounds so much better when you're not moving." Norbert opened his mouth but couldn't come up with an answer. "Do you think you can manage?" Norbert gulped down many thoughts he had right now. "I...guess," he said instead and earned another hug from Morrie.

When his lover was gone to do the soundcheck on stage Norbert was doubtfully standing around, clutching his guitar as if it could help him. A sense of helplessness took over him. He needed a plan before entering the stage, because after that there was no turning back. But he had no idea what to do. Virgil or Morrie. He didn't want to hold back, he wanted to give all he had to make this work, just like everyone else in the band. But Morrie... He didn't want another fight with him. He knew his lover was jealous, and he had all the rights to be.

His hands started shivering. This wasn't good. He needed them to be steady, so he tried to calm himself down by counting to ten in his mind and breathing slowly. When he was at six, he was still upset and afraid it wouldn't work. And when he felt he was about to waste away in that room Chris entered it, with the thrill of anticipation written in his face. Norbert looked at him and in this very moment he was already infected. "Hey, superstar. Ready to give them show they'll never forget?" Norbert smiled widely when he came to his desicion. "Oh, yes", he said. It sounded like a confession. "Then let's go!" He waved at him and Norbert - no - Nick Lightbearer followed him outside.

#wehappyfew #we happy few #whf #whfnick #whf nick #nick lightbearer #morrie memento #whfmorrie #whf morrie

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onisiondrama · 5 years ago

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“...wow” Feb 25, 2020 - Speaks

This clip was originally uploaded June 19, 2010 as a gag clip Greg presented as what he was going to upload that day, but decided not to. The original video (direct link) is Greg casually answering a question someone asked on his forums and it contains 2 short silly clips of himself crying. (Edit: He uploaded the full clip a month later, re-upload here.)

In the full recently uploaded clip, Greg / James cries about Shiloh breaking up with him and leaving the house. At first I brushed it off as another one of his old crying break up videos, which was not uncommon for him to upload that year between three train-wreck relationships.

He recently uploaded the full clip because he has been saying he was a victim of abuse during his relationship with Shiloh. This clip was uploaded to prove she broke up with him for being attracted to another woman. (In this video, he says the woman was on TV, but in the past he’s said the only time she broke up with him was over hentai. I'm guessing he was trying to censor himself in the video for Youtube.)

The current video description reads:

found this old video... looking back... no one should let themselves get in the situation I did, it was not healthy - we got back together after this video... shows you I really didn't respect myself.

Not too interesting, right? Well, he has also been telling a story for quiet some time about Shiloh threatening suicide and leaving the house. In his January 2020 video “ok” (it was one of those 30+ rambling videos), he says he filmed himself crying after she left because he wanted people to know where he was when she killed herself. He says he didn’t know what to do and was frozen. (Here is that part of my summary of that video:)

He says she tried to shame him and manipulate him into dating her again by saying she was going to end her life once after a break up. She walked off with a suitcase and he let her go because he couldn’t stop her. He video taped himself crying when she was gone. He says deep down he thinks he did that because he wanted people to know where he was when she was doing that. He was so overwhelmed emotionally and couldn’t do anything but freeze. He says there’s a clip of him crying out there while she walks off. At that point you just want that person to leave you alone.

She came back with a little branch on her shoulder. She would do a thing where she would be in a mood and would go somewhere else. Says she told him she tried to hang herself but the branch snapped. He said he said he was glad she was alive, but there was no rope mark.

I thought he just filmed himself and didn’t do anything with the footage. It turns out, the “...wow” video IS the footage. In his Keemstar interview he said she told him she was going to kill herself before he filmed. Wow, ok. Let’s analyze this video with this new perspective:

First of all, why plan on uploading a clip of yourself crying to the internet when your ex-girlfriend is supposedly in the act of committing suicide? When I first heard this clip existed, I imagined he was filming himself hysterically sobbing to show police after the fact, which is still really weird. Most people would call emergency services to track her down and get her mental / medical help, no? But I was wrong. He recorded himself talking to his Youtube audience while she is still out there? Totally bizarre.

The video starts with Greg heavy breathing and crying. (In his Keemstar interview, Greg complained a lot of people commented on the re-upload that he’s fake-crying in this video, “crocodile tears”. I can see why people would say that.)

He turns to the side and keeps heavy breathing. He turns forward and stands there for a bit. He announces Shiloh “literally” just left him. He says he’s making this video so his viewers know why she’s not at his house anymore. - (Ok, so she “literally” JUST left him. No mention that she “literally just” threatened suicide or that she was missing. Just acting like it’s another break up video.)

He explains they made a pact together. If he thought about anyone sexually other than her, he would push it out of his head. That isn’t enough for her anymore and they can’t watch movies without her becoming upset when women come on screen, even if he’s not thinking about them sexually. He says he understands to an extent why she would be bothered by women wearing revealing clothing on screen. She said that’s why she left.

He says he tried to record her saying goodbye because she’s not going to be making videos on her Youtube channels anymore. He says she told him he would never see her again and he would never hear from her again. - (Umm.. like because she would be dead?)

He says she told him she wasn’t going to tell him where she was going. Initially, she didn’t want to take her luggage with her, but he made her take it because he didn’t want her to be without it. He starts crying loudly again. - (He seems to be hinting to what is really happening, but acts like he has no idea. I find it extremely creepy knowing if she did follow through with her suicide threat, he would have been the only witness to her threat.)

He says the last time they broke up, someone posted on the forums that they were perfect for Greg with a picture of them self. He compares it to an eHarmony profile. He says he’s not dating anyone anytime in the future. He’s done with relationships. He can’t handle them. (This is a common thing he says during break ups. He’s been saying something similarly recently, that if Kai broke up with him he would give up on relationships and buy sex dolls.)

He told Shiloh when she left that she was just going to the store to pick up groceries and come back. That she should come back and is welcome in his home. If she comes home, awesome. But like he said she’s never coming back. He apologies to everyone that fell in love with Shiloh like he did, He said in the future he’ll make sure that never happens. They get attached to someone and they’re just not in videos anymore.

Okay, you guys know me. I’m not the biggest tin foil hat wearer. I don’t like to accuse anyone of heinous shit, but this video is insane to me. Knowing what happened right before. The fact that he admitted he filmed this so people would know where he was when she committed suicide AND the fact that he admitted he let her go because he just wanted her to leave him alone at that point. WHAT??

The fact that he didn’t call the police or an ambulance?? The fact that he pretended it was a normal sad break up video, yet leaving breadcrumbs of what really happened? Mentioning she said he wasn’t going to hear from her again or see her again. Mentioning she wasn’t going to upload Youtube videos anymore. Mentioning she was leaving, but didn’t want to take her luggage.

Also, the fact that he quickly recorded the video after she “literally just” left the house?? Why did he try to record her saying goodbye to their viewers before she left the house after she threatened suicide??

Tin foil: Was this a set up video for the “my girlfriend committed suicide” plot line for his Youtube channel? Or was this an alibi for police when he would pretend he had no idea she was going to kill herself? Holy shit.

If I’m going overboard on this, feel free to call me out. I waited three weeks to make this post and I still feel the same way. In fact, I picked up on MORE creepy details watching it again today like the luggage mention.

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misscrawfords · 5 years ago

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The Rise of Skywalker: Part Two

Read Part One here.

One of the many things I’ve been grappling with over the 2 weeks since TROS came out is the validity and cause of my upset and anger. And it centres round the question: if Reylo had ended differently, if they’d had a happy ending, if Ben Solo had lived, would I still hate the film? Would I still be angry? Or would I forgive and overlook its other myriad flaws? And connected to those central questions is another that pressed upon me, namely: am I angry and upset because it is a bad film on multiple levels that insults its audience and breaks its own mythology in a way that is deeply distressing to female viewers and is fundamentally a poorly written film or do I only feel like that because I am a disappointed shipper? Am I only upset because I have got so attached to my HEA fluffy fanfic that I’ve lost sight of the story that canon is actually telling?

There’s a wider issue contained in these questions that I’ve been asking myself which is that there is a judgement implicit that responding to a film purely as a shipper is a bad thing, that it invalidates my criticism and my feelings if, in fact, I am simply an upset and disappointed shipper who wanted a happy ending. That’s an issue that is definitely worth pursuing but elsewhere.

It’s been two weeks. I’ve read multiple twitter threads, listened to bits of WTForce podcast (it’s very long... and was making me cry...), many reviews of the film, and today I finally started reading Valerie Estelle Frankel’s From Girl to Goddess: The Heroine’s Journey through Myth and Legend which is blowing my mind and giving me the confidence to say what I’ve known for a while:

My feeling that TROS is a terrible film on multiple levels - all of them actually - is valid. You may disagree and that’s fine. It’s only an opinion. But it’s my opinion and I stand by it. And, returning to the initial question that has been perplexing me - in fact I cannot separate the way the characters of Rey and Kylo/Ben were treated from the film’s other flaws. If Ben had lived, if Reylo had had a happy ending, if their relationship had played out differently, even if they had both died, yes, I would have been more inclined to forgive the film its many other flaws and misjudgements, but the fact is, if Reylo had been written in a satisfactory way then it would have been a very different film. Reylo is only one - one massive, egregious error - thing that contributes to the mess that this films. It is not the only thing that is enraging and upsetting but it is probably the biggest. I’ll talk about these other things in yet another post, but for now...

Let’s talk about Reylo.

tl;dr: Reylo is canon and the movie still sucked. Here’s a 5000+ word dissertation on why. Maybe don’t read if my opinions on this are going to make you sad/angry.

I’m going to break down my problems with Reylo in this film logically and honestly, I’m not sure I’m going to say anything that hasn’t already been said, but perhaps reading another perspective will help others who feel similarly? I’m guessing it’s going to help me if I write about it. We’ll see.

There are three problems. There’s the problem of the fate of Ben Solo. In a way, that’s the easiest and simplest one to deal with. Death was always on the cards as a possible ending for him. A tragic hero who commits terrible acts is redeemed in death by saving the world. The death of this character is... not a surprise and has always been an ending I worried about because I’m a shipper and I like happy endings over sad ones. And I’ve been very convinced by the meta and arguments of shippers who have argued passionately that Ben had to live. However, arguably the problem is not the death in itself but the circumstances and the context. So I’ll come back to that.

The second problem is that of Rey. Rey’s development (or lack of it) and especially her ending. Yep. This is a big problem. Far bigger IMO than the death of Ben which, while tragic, could have been beautiful and fitting.

Thirdly, is Ben and Rey together. Reylo. Their relationship and the way it plays out and the way, ultimately, all of this breaks the mythology being established in previous films.

So three very interlinked problems.

To summarise. In TROS Kylo regresses to being the Supreme Leader and trying to source dark power. This is not terribly surprising considering the ending of TLJ. Rey also regresses to someone who is training and who does not believe she is worthy of Luke’s lightsaber. This is surprising because Rey has already accepted her destiny and her role as a Jedi at the end of TLJ. There is no reason for her to feel insecure about it a year later in TROS.

Rey and Kylo connect through their Force Bond and fight. Their anger is understandable but these fights continuously rehash exactly the same material as what was covered in TLJ, leaving me feeling, well, not very much. Kylo is trying to tell Rey something about who she is (a question that was resolved in TLJ) and Rey is angry at him because of reasons.

There are some good parts here. Unlike a lot of people, I really liked the fight at Pasaana. I felt it took something from TLJ and added something else. It was a rehash of the throne room fight over the lightsaber but while that conflict was entirely personal over an object that meant something to them but not the wider population (beyond what it could do as a weapon), the same conflict here was over a transport ship containing real people and Chewie (apparently), a character of importance to both. So what happened is that their inability to reconcile with each other and meet half way is manifested in a completely balanced conflict which has a living cost. Chewie dies! Rey kills someone dear to her - accidentally, sure - but she now has a body count showing how truly destructive her fight with Kylo is. It is a symbol of how necessary it is they work together and find balance. Daisy Ridley’s acting here was great and I felt genuinely shocked. Shocked that Rey plunged so immediately into a kind of darkness that put her on a level with Kylo and shocked that Chewie was killed off so casually without warning or build-up - a real casualty of war and the raised stakes in this film. I thought it was a great way to build on TLJ and extend it.

So you can imagine how I felt when Chewie’s death was retconned.

Pretty similar to how I felt when C-3PO got his memory back.

I will probably talk more about this in Part Three, which is my wider issues with the film, but it’s sort of unavoidable mentioning them here because of course the way the film invalidates serious emotion by showing in so many ways that Death Is Not The End and is consequently meaningless impacts on Reylo and the fact that Ben dies.

Another nice moment was the snatching of the beads through the Force Bond. I mean, Kylo literally stole some fertility-coded beads from Rey’s neck!? Uh, this subtext is rapidly becoming text, as they say. Pasaana was weird though, right? Rey talks to children, is at a festival of life, she is fulfilling her role of becoming a symbolic mother which she started in TLJ and which fits the child Jedi at the end of that film (who was never seen again but we’ll deal with that later) and Kylo receives a gift of a necklace (a feminine symbol) from her immediately afterwards... This is pretty hot and heavy symbolism. Of their union and a future involving children, real or metaphorical.

And Rey learns how to heal with the Force, trying it on a giant worm as practice. This fits with her heroine’s journey - she is not using the lightsaber (a symbol of masculine power) but is using her power to preserve and save, which is feminine power. So far so good. I mean, it’s a shame they are wasting all these Force Bond sessions backtracking on TLJ to the extent that instead of enjoying their interactions, I’m going “Yeah yeah yeah okay but we’ve already done this but better”. But there’s still development so it’s okay and sometimes it’s even kind of hot.

Rey Palpatine.

Oh dear.

Look, it’s not the thing itself. The union of a Skywalker and a Palpatine, the balance coming from the union of two great families on either side of the Force, is honestly not a bad idea at all. Ben as the Skywalker with a bit of darkness in him balanced by Rey the Palpatine with a bit of light in her. BALANCE. It could be beautiful.

Unfortunately it isn’t. Rey’s lineage was resolved really well in TLJ. Rey Nobody is a great idea for all the reasons everyone already says - opening up the Force to everyone instead of keeping it as a kind of aristocratic lineage etc. Retconning this is really unnecessary and also sends a terrible message to the audience, especially women, as everyone has already discussed to death. Rey is literally told her power comes from a creepy old man who won’t stay dead instead of something innate within her. Instead of letting the past die, we are digging it up like an overzealous and ignorant 19th century British aristocrat let loose in Egypt with a pick-axe and period-applicable racism. Rey is then told that her parents sold her and abandoned her… to protect her. Another great message. And apparently Luke, Han and Leia all knew this?????? Honestly, I was confused by all this when I was watching the film but from what I’ve read afterwards it seems this is the case and in which case not only does that not make literally any sense at all in terms of what happened in TFA and TLJ but also has pretty awful implications for the OT characters and how they related to Ben.

As I mentioned, it is also unnecessary for the plot for Rey to be a Palpatine. If Palpatine has to come back (which he doesn’t but okay whatever) then surely it’s enough that Rey is extremely strong in the Force for him to either want to kill her or want to control her? Like, literally that’s what he did to Anakin. Why does she have to be related to him unless the film is making some very unfortunate conclusions about blood. Good blood, bad blood… yeeeaaaaaah, this isn’t great as a message. It could be but that’s not the story the first two films have told. Also does Palpatine want to kill her or control her? Like, I’m genuinely not clear on that. I’m not sure he is. I’m not sure the film is. What is actually going on? Also if Palpatine has been controlling Ben his entire life why the hell didn’t he control Rey? Surely it’s easier to invade and control the mind of his own flesh and blood than that of another random Force child he isn’t related to? Who is surrounded by other powerful Force users? When Rey is all alone? Like if Palpatine is able to build up an insanely massive army that nobody has noticed across the Galaxy while still being kind of dead, surely he can access the mind of Rey on Jakku? Also, how did he manage to impregnate a human woman while being sort of dead and old? On both a mythical level and on the level of a question of taste and plausibility, HOW???

THIS PLOT MAKES LITERALLY NO SENSE WHAT IS GOING ON AAAARGGGHHH

And breathe.

So anyway, Rey Palpatine. Rey and Kylo fight and Rey kills Kylo. It didn’t really work for me though I’d have to watch again to figure out precisely why. This epic, wet fight just… wasn’t quite as epic as I expected it to be. Maybe it was because Finn was randomly there. Maybe it was because it didn’t have the dialogue from the trailer. Maybe it was because I was just tired of watching them fight and not seeing their relationship progress during the film when it had already progressed beyond this in TLJ. And she kills him like it’s a calculated thing when his guard is down and this whole thing is a mess. Now, it’s coming back to me! The order of events don’t make sense. The characterisation doesn’t make sense.

Kylo and Rey are fighting. Leia gives her life force to communicate something to her son and dies in the process. I don’t quite understand what she’s doing and why this means she has to die. She’s not force projecting like Luke did. How is this different from in TLJ when she says “Ben” then and he waivers about killing her? She was fine after that! I get that they’re working with what they could for Leia but nevertheless, if you’re going to include it in an actual film, it’s still got to have internal consistency. Not that this film cares. Anyway, Leia dies to make Kylo pause and then Rey kills him which seems very rushed and kind of mean but whatever. Then Rey immediately uses Chekov’s healing to bring him back to life and when she does he’s Ben without a scar. So this is all confusing to me. Did Leia redeam him by saying “Ben”? Did she do anything else that makes sense of her dying? Did Rey killing Kylo bring Ben back? Was it Han’s memory? A combination of all these factors?

But the order strikes me as off. The death of Kylo Ren to allow Ben Solo to live is good. Excellent content. But all that is needed to do this is for Kylo to die – meaningfully (which being randomly stabbed by his lover at the moment when he was changing does not quite feel to me) and be brought back to life – meaningfully. I’m not saying what Rey did wasn’t impressive but I don’t remember being overawed by the music and the cinematography here. This is in many ways, or should be, the turning point in the entire ST: the moment when Ben Solo is reborn. And the exact moment of it happening is uncertain. And does he need the moment with Han’s memory afterwards? I’m not saying it wasn’t very touching to see Han and to have their moment together but it nevertheless didn’t quite gell. Like so many things in this film, it’s a nice moment that is over too quickly and doesn’t quite hang together with coherent plotting and characterisation. The entire sequence is rushed with too much happening – fight, Leia, death, healing, Han, lightsaber, RANDOM FINN etc. etc. And in fact, this moment that should be climactic is then later overshadowed by later Ben healing Rey in the same way, a completely narratalogically meaningless act. But more on that later.

And I realise that in my hurry to get to this fight, I’ve forgotten Dark!Rey. Dark!Rey, like Rey Palpatine, is an idea that could and should be amazing and, apart from the cool graphics and a moment of gasp for effect, isn’t and fundamentally doesn’t work. Rey is struggling with her inner darkness throughout this film, something that was suggested in both TFA and TLJ, so I’m very much on board with it, and I think it’s important to see women on screen be angry and especially angry in a wild, ugly way. I think Daisy Ridley did a great job with that. But TROS attributed this anger and darkness to Palpatine rather that all the myriad and understandable reasons that Rey had for being angry. Perhaps that could work in some contexts as a metaphorical way of showing her anger but Palpatine is too present physically for that to stick. Instead, her characterisation is given wholesale to her genes and a male influence. This is… not great.

Confronting the dark part of one’s self is vitally important in the heroine’s journey. Only when the heroine has reconciled the dark parts of her psyche can the heroine be whole. TROS has worked out that this important but then hasn’t really known how to execute it. The physical manifestation of Dark!Rey for Light!Rey to fight is hellishly unsubtle and is also over so quick you quickly forget that she’s there. (Again, momentary effect is prioritised over anything that actually makes sense in terms of storytelling.) As a manifestation of Rey’s inner anger, she’s completely pointless. Rey fights her quickly but fighting Dark!Rey doesn’t result in Rey unifiying her dark impulses with her heroic self. She still has dark impulses throughout the film! In fact, she never succeeds in fully reconciling them. If defeating Dark!Rey had been a striking and climactic moment then that would work, but it doesn’t. She continues to fight Kylo straight afterwards and Kylo himself is in some respects (certainly in TLJ) a physical manifestation of what Rey fears and needs in herself. It is Kylo who is truly Rey’s dark double in TFA and TLJ. He tells her what she knows and cannot admit, forcing her to confront that in herself. He attracts her yet repels her. According to what is set up in TFA and TLJ, until Rey can both kill Kylo and reconcile with him, she is not conquering and reconciling with that part of herself. After all, they are two halves of one protagonist. But in TROS Kylo no longer seems to take that role, or not coherently. For example, he delivers information (“Rey, yer a Palpatine lol”) that she doesn’t in fact know. So it doesn’t work. And yet it also doesn’t work that Rey fights Dark!Rey and then immediately goes off and fights Kylo! One of those fights is redundant, perhaps both. If Dark!Rey had been a real character who does stuff, who tempts Kylo, who replaces Rey (Odile/Odette-like) then this would be meaningful. But she doesn’t. I know that some people are arguing that Rey in the subsequent fights is possessed by Dark!Rey but honestly? I did not see that in the film and I just do not think the film is sufficiently coherent to be that subtle about something that is such a major plot point! So she continues to struggle with darkness even after supposedly defeating Dark!Rey which is just nonsense in terms of mythology. She struggles all the way up to her confrontation with Palpatine.

So let’s get to that. Look, I’m going to be completely honest here: I have no idea what was going on. Palpatine was rigged up on a crane on creepy evil villain life support, there was a giant jam jar filled with pickled Snoke heads, Rey was there, Ben showed up having thrown away one lightsaber but then found another two lightsabers (there were a lot of lightsabers, I couldn’t keep track of which was which and why they were significant), the Knights of Ren were there to do a soundcheck for their upcoming gig IDEK, Finn wasn’t there which made a change and Palpatine wanted Rey to kill him so she would become super powerful until he didn’t want her to kill him. He was tempting her and used the standard threat of “I’m going to destroy the universe unless you take on these super dangerous powers to stop me but if you do then you’ll be evil yourself mwhahaha”. I’m not sure really how that benefits him. Was his end-game plan to build up a massive Sith Empire for his darling granddaughter to rule, ignore her for years in favour of corrupting Ben Solo via some dude called Snoke and then reappear from nowhere in order to die again so she could rule? Because that’s a really, really flawed plan. Like, my cullender is less holey than that plan. I may have got this wrong. But before anyone jumps in to “Well, actually” me, my point is valid: I’m an intelligent viewer who spends plenty of time thinking about SW. If I couldn’t follow the main reveal plan in the climactic film of the ST, then… that is a flaw in the writing and conception. It shouldn’t be that difficult!

Anyway, back to Rey. She is being tempted yet again (which she shouldn’t be by this point in the film or trilogy) and, briefly (though I’ve mostly given up on hope for this film by this point) I am engaged by her quandery. I think it would be really interested if she takes the power offered and fully embraces her Palpatine heritage – she becomes a Sith in order to save the lives of her friends! Perhaps Dark!Rey was just a warm up to seeing the real Rey transform into Dark!Rey. Then Ben has to save her! As she has saved him from being Kylo Ren, he will save her from being Dark!Rey! Balance. So I think that could be interesting and it raises some interesting moral questions about whether doing something bad for good reasons is ever justifiable. But of course Rey resists! Rey is not allowed to actually do anything bad in this movie! It’s infuriating! Rey is completely good. I think the message the film thinks it’s giving out is that Rey is more than her ancestry – that she is good despite being a Palpatine, that everyone has the power to move beyond their background. Unfortunately, that message was already there when she was Rey Nobody! And the actual message is that Rey is a static, pure character who despite apparently containing darkness is never in any way truly tempted by it or gives into it. Any narrative tension over whether she will succumb or do something interesting is very rapidly dismissed. Just as Chewie’s death is retconned and C-3PO gets his memory back.

Anyway Ben arrives and they somehow have two lightsabers (???? whatever) and stand and face Palpatine and I think at this point we need to talk about how this is just waaaaay less impressive on every level than them facing Snoke in TLJ. There was tension there and uncertainty and when they fought together it was genuinely breathtaking and surprising. There was no surprise about Ben and Rey facing Palpatine together, but there was a tired feeling of “Oh look, we’ve got to face off against another creepy old man who wants to hold onto power for evil after his time is well over. Oh well, I guess if we have to…” If nothing else, this sums up the Millenial experience very well! Ultimately, not only is Palpatine a confusing final villain, he’s also a boring one. The Chancellor in the PT was interesting on a political level, the Emperor was truly creepy as a foil to Darth Vader in the OT, but this fossil on life-support is neither scary nor original nor even particularly threatening.

That’s the thing with escalating the threats continuously – it becomes meaningless. Making the Boss bigger and badder and threatening the Universe instead of the Galaxy doesn’t make the drama more exciting, it just makes it less believable. It looks very impressive to have the entire sky filled with ships and the threat of Palpatine destroying everything but it’s also ultimately meaningless. A massive threat just means a massive reset button or deus ex force lightning. Superhero movies are very guilty of this terrible storytelling, so is Doctor Who. First London faces an alien threat, then England, then the planet, then the Galaxy, then the Universe… and where do you go from there? The audience doesn’t care about the world at large, they only care about our plucky little heroes and their lives. If Palpatine had said “I have Finn and Poe and if you don’t take on these Sith powers I’m going to murder them” the effect would have been the same, maybe even better because Rey’s dilemma would have been even more personal. Hey, another interesting idea: “I have Ben. Only way to save him is to adopt Sith powers!” Anyway.

So this confrontation is yet another less impressive copy of the throne room scene in TLJ. The lore also gets confusing here. Ben and Rey are tortured which makes no sense because doesn’t Palpatine want Rey alive? Not sure what he’s trying to achieve here except it makes our heroes look powerless. Then Rey takes on the force lightning and does some snazzy special effects to win the war very easily. So easily that you feel no emotion whatsoever at how easily this massive army of ships is instantly wiped out. (Side point, but I’m guessing there were lots of people on those ships and Rey’s just killed them all? And considering we’ve just got an admittedly half-baked but still a plot about the defection of storm troopers, isn’t this just a bit concerning? But Rey can do no wrong and it’s all for the greater good because this is the Light Side of the Force and she is All The Jedi so I guess we’ll just pass over this casual genocide on the part of our heroine.) This seems to kill Rey despite Palpatine telling her to do it to get more power a few minutes earlier. No seriously, isn’t this what happens? I’m so confused. At which point Ben force heals her as she force heals him and whereas she was fine and dandy after doing it, it kills him.

Which… okay. Is a thing that happens. It’s hella inconsistent. And makes no sense. But okay, I mean, okay. I wasn’t even sad. I was just like “…right.” And fortunately the film immediately moves on and completely fails to acknowledge Ben’s existence while triumphant music plays. So that’s a thing.

Remember how I said at the beginning of this meandering dissertation that I was always aware of Ben dying being a possible ending but it was the execution that failed here? Right! Well, the thing is that every time a death happens in the context of a hero’s journey, it’s got to mean something. In a world where people can be resurrected and, uh, SW is very much that world (or it is in TROS), then you can’t just die for no reason! And neither Rey nor Ben’s deaths made sense. Rey absolutely needs an underworld journey as part of her heroine’s journey but her death near the end of the film does not fulfil that criterion. An underworld journey is a way for a heroine to shed part of her behind, to learn something, and to confront herself. The cave scene was Rey’s journey to the underworld. Arguably, the scene on Pasaana where she learned force healing was another type of katabasis. Heck, you can argue that when she finds the lightsaber in TFA it’s a katabasis or when she ships herself to Ben in a coffin it’s another. Like. Rey has lots of metaphorical underworld journeys. But when she dies at the end of TROS she has already reunited with Ben, she has no darkness in her that needs to be purged because she never waivered from the light and when she is brought back she is the same person she was before. Unlike Ben who comes back from the dead literally a different person. So Rey’s death makes no sense either in terms of the magical world and powers in play but also for her heroine’s journey. Maybe she could have collapsed. Maybe the effort should have drained her and Ben of their Force powers – a sacrifice for using powers they shouldn’t have touched. That would have made sense and would have been entirely fitting. But death? Nope.

And Ben’s death consequently makes no sense. Force healing has been established within the very same movie to have no real consequences on the user (also similarly established in The Mandalorian) so Ben’s death makes less sense than anything else in the entire film. The internal logic of the film says that there are no consequences for force healing. And then it kills off someone who does it. Sadness is not the reaction to that; confusion is. And then on a mythological level, Ben shouldn’t die. Kylo has already died. And Ben has been reborn! I know it’s a meme, but Ben has done nothing wrong. Kylo has been punished for his actions and what is left is Ben. This is very, very clearly spelled out within the film. This makes Ben’s death a senseless tragedy that makes no sense, a final death in a film that has continually shown that death is not real or an ending. Except for Ben Solo. Because… I don’t know? I’ve managed to go 4812 words without mentioning redemption but I guess I can’t avoid it now. I’m actually not a big fan of redemption because it gets all thorny and becomes about morality and specifically Christian morality and I’m just… I’m tired of that. I’m a classicist and stories of classical mythology and classical heroism have nothing to do with redemption and being good and evil and I really see the Skywalkers as a kind of Greek tragedy lineage rather than people who have to be redeemed. I know Vader died changing his mind and killing the Emperor for his son but I don’t see that as redemption. That was a man who had done many awful things making a choice out of love at the very end of his life. And again, Ben saved Rey – this was an act of personal love and had nothing to do with the Galaxy. Redemption seems to be an active, ongoing thing that is about more than the purely personal. Vader wasn’t redeemed and neither was Ben – because he didn’t have a chance. And it all gets confused because, as I keep saying, Kylo Ren died!!!! On a mythical level, that’s all that’s needed! Ben Solo, on a mythic level, has nothing to prove, nothing to atone for, nothing for which he requires redemption. On the level that SW is also a story of politics, if Ben had lived, he would have had to reconcile his past actions as Kylo Ren with his present experience as Ben Solo – and it would have been fair if he had to pay a penalty in the human world. But not the death penalty. Because he has already paid that. Ben succeeds in reconciling and facing off his inner darkness in the way that Rey does not in this film. But he is then punished again and dies needlessly and shockingly in order to save Rey, who also shouldn’t have died.

It’s very unsatisfactory. On a mythic level, it really doesn’t make sense.

And I haven’t even mentioned the whole thing about if they are dyad (lol I keep reading this as dryad and getting a very weird set of mental images) or two halves of a protagonist or soulmates or whatever you want to call it where if one dies the bond just remains as a wound. This is a scenario where Rey and Ben have been very clearly set up as a pair animus/anima hero/heroine who belong together whether that is in life or death. I’ve just been reading about Brunnhild and Siegfried from the Nibelung Ring Saga – they both die at the end when they’ve finally been reunited but they are united in death. It’s sad but their death is inevitable after what’s happened to them and it’s sort of uplifting because they are together. This could definitely have worked for Rey and Ben. And considering death doesn’t stop you appearing multiple times and even doing cool stuff like lifting ships out of the sea, it wouldn’t even have been very sad. The mystical hero/heroine who cannot remain in society once their journey is complete is not uncommon. Look at Frodo going off with the Elves in a metaphor for death at the end of LotR where the more down-to-earth Sam is able to stay and rebuild. It would make total sense for Ben and Rey to be unable to integrate with society at the end of TROS whether that means simply exile or death. So long as they are together.

Anyway, they’re not together which makes the whole thing horribly unbalanced and unnervingly wrong on a profound level. The myth is broken! It simply does. not. work.

But if the ending for Ben and Reylo as a whole was disturbing, false, internally inconsistent and emotionally empty, that’s nothing to the ending Rey gets. Lots of people have already written about this so I’ll try to be brief. Rey has no connection to Tatooine. Rey is not allowed to grieve. Rey regresses to a childhood state, her very definite, spelled out future as a symbolic mother being absolutely aborted. Rey takes as a family name one that she has no personal connection. Rey is left with absent friends and nobody but the ghosts of Luke (who she didn’t like) and Leia to talk to in the role of weirdly incestuous sterile parents. So I guess this is a win for the Luke/Leia shippers?

Okay, I just need to rant a moment. (Yes, this is 5556 words of ranting but you’ve got this far – indulge me?) I’ve seen several takes from people I follow who aren’t Reylos saying that this is a great ending for Rey because she has a family and I’m just like ARE YOU EFFING SERIOUS?????? Are you ACTUALLY trying to tell me that living alone on a barren, desert planet reminiscent of where she lived as a child before she heard the call to adventure, where she was symbolically asleep with nobody but the GHOSTS OF SIBLINGS for company and ABSENT FRIENDS is FINDING A FAMILY???????????? JUST KILL HER ALREADY – she’s ALREADY DEAD!!!!! You want to make me feel Rey at the end even if Ben is dead? Show her surrounded by her found family in the Resistance and show her WORKING WITH CHILDREN?????????????? IT. WOULD. NOT. BE. HARD. TO. DO. THAT. AND. MAKE. IT. UPLIFTING. But this -this is just painful, truly painful and insulting. And don’t give me this crap that she’s not living there, she’s just there temporarily to bury the lightsabers and leave and go back to her friends. WHAT ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. This is the ENDING of a NINE MOVIE SAGA. The ending matters???? And the ending is of Rey alone with the droid she rescued two movies back staring at some binary suns that only matter to the audience and not to her. THE FILM DOES NOT TELL US THAT SHE IS GOING TO LEAVE AND MEET HER FRIENDS. THE FILM DOES NOT TELL US THAT. IT DOES NOT IMPLY THAT. So this is a bloody stupid argument.

Yeah, I cracked. I don’t regret it. This is so infuriating I actually have literally nothing to say about “Rey Skywalker”. Like, whatever. The film’s already done its worse. Just… whatever. Who cares at this point? It’s meaningless. I laughed in despair at the cinema screen and was glad it was over.

The fact is, according to the heroine’s journey, this isn’t the end of the story. It makes sense that within 24 hours of the film premiering, AO3 was filling up with “fix-it fics” where Rey goes to the World Between Worlds to get Ben back. Because that’s what heroines do. They save their loved ones. They do it patiently and through endurance. And they always succeed. And unlike heroes who go to the underworld to save their wives (cf Orpheus), heroines who go to get their man succeed. This story needs Rey, like Psyche, to go save Ben. She hasn’t finished her heroine’s journey. In fact, she is in many ways back where she started. Her attempts to integrate and confront her darkness have been confused and ultimately meaningless. She has not unified permanently with her lover yet. She has not become either a literal or symbolic mother. There is a stage in the heroine’s journey where she retreats to where she comes from for reflection and growth. That is acceptable. But that is not the ending!!!

And to place this ending of the film, with Rey smiling and saying “Rey Skywalker” as if this means something and some triumphant music over the top alongside what so many viewers feel instinctively, namely that the myth is incomplete and broken, leaves the audience – or at least it left me – feeling cheated and empty and bemused about why it feels so wrong. Ultimately Ben dead and Rey pregnant would make more narrative sense than the sterile and barren and infantilised ending we were given. And that was just about the worst case scenario of bad writing that we ever thought could happen.

The myth is broken. Good night.

(Tune in soon to the much shorter Part Three where I discuss everything else that isn’t Reylo related that is wrong with this movie.)

#star wars #reylo #tros spoilers #the rise of skywalker #anti tros #kylo ren #ben solo #rey #meta #sw meta #i haven't read this through #it's after midnight #but i feel helluva lot better for having finally written it

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duhragonball · 6 years ago

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Dragon Ball Z 036

It’s the Namek Saga! I have mixed feelings about this arc, and I’ll try to explain them.

So I got into DBZ when it first aired on Toonami in the fall of 1998. I don’t recall exactly how it was aired, but I’m pretty sure they showed four or five episodes a week, every week, until they got to the Goku/Recoome fight, and then they would start over. Somewhere along the way they aired Movies 1, 2, and 3.

Now I was just a casual viewer in those days, so I wasn’t going out of my way to watch them in order. I didn’t exactly like the show much; I just watched it because it was on, and I was sort of curious about what would happen. The Saiyans arc impressed me because it did a good job buildng suspense. But you could skip a few episodes and not really miss much. There were plenty of recaps, and not that much happened in any single episode.

The Namek Saga had some trouble following this formula, though. Once the heroes got to Namek, it was hard to really measure any sort of progress being made. The overriding strategy was to stay in one piece until Goku arrived to even the odds, except the supporting cast was pretty threadbare by this point. They couldn’t exactly kill anyone off in the Namek Saga, because they had killed so many guys off in the Saiyans arc, and if you took out any more there wouldn’t be anyone left to tell the story with. So it felt to me like much of the arc was just the gang marking time until Goku showed up.

And this wouldn’t have been so bad, except that whenever Goku finally did show up, he’d punch Recoome’s lights out and that would be it. Toonami would run out of episodes and start over with Episode 1. I remember at least once when I was kind of following more closely to see if they’d finally put some new eps in the rotation, and then... no such luck. Goku shows up, whoops the Ginyu Force, Bill Murray wakes up in the hotel room to “I Got You, Babe.”

I feel like this has colored my opinion of the arc. I was trying to remember exactly what I didn’t like about it, and my criticisms aren’t really all that valid. “It’s too long,” but it isn’t. It’s 32 episodes long, and that’s three episodes shorter than the Saiyans Saga. “There’s no big fights,” but there are. Vegeta vs. Zarbon is pretty cool, and Recoome smacking Team Three Star around is fun. “It’s unsatisfying,” but not really. Frieza gets extremely pissed as the arc wears on, and Goku shutting down the Ginyus and Vegeta at the same time is awesome.

For a time, I struggled with the rewatchability of DBZ. It was hard to get invested in older episodes, because for a while it felt like the battles were pointless back when no one knew how to turn Super Saiyan. Eventually I got over this and learned to appreciate the show beyond the novelty of a first-time viewer, and I think that’s helped me respect the Namek stuff more. In particular, when I read the manga version, I found it much brisker than the anime. Maybe it sounds weird to say this, but for me, knowing which parts are filler helps me appreciate the filler more.

So I’m looking forward to analyzing this arc in greater depth, and forming a more nuanced opinion of it. It’ll probably never be one of my favorites, but I bet I’ll come away with a greater appreciation of it.

First off, we gotta wrap up the loose ends of the Saiyans arc. Krillin just let Vegeta leave the planet, because Goku asked really nicely. Yajirobe doesn’t understand that, so he calls Krillin an idiot. Why didn’t Yajirobe finish Vegeta off? He took him down with his sword, and then he stood there like a jerk and gloated instead of cutting off his head.

Krillin picks up naked baby Gohan and brings him over to half-naked ER patient Goku, but then an airship arrives, and out pops Chi-Chi.

She leaps over Goku’s body and grabs Gohan out of Krillin’s arms.

Fans give Chi-Chi a lot of crap for her behavior in this episode, and I’ll bet you a dollar that none of them have children of their own. Gohan’s five years old in this episode, and Chi-Chi hasn’t seen him since he was four. One day he just left and didn’t come back. Now she’s finally close enough to touch him and he’s all beat up and unconscious. What would you do?

You know what? Goku did have it hard, but he’s a grown-ass man. He’s not entitled to Chi-Chi’s attention right now, but Gohan is. I think Goku knows that better than anyone in this episode, which is why you never see him complain about being ignored.

Bulma’s pretty upset about all of their dead friends, particularly Yamcha, because she used to be sweet on him, and particularly Kami and Piccolo, whose deaths mean that they can’t use the Dragon Balls to wish Yamcha back to life. She bawls out Yajirobe for not doing more during the fight. She’s got a point, although Yajirobe probably did more good by holding back and picking his spots. If Yamcha had shown the same level of caution, well...

I sort of get Yajirobe’s attitude here. Everyone talks to him like he’s a piece of shit, and when he musters up the courage to be somewhat responsible, everyone still talks to him like he’s a piece of shit. And then they wonder why he doesn’t help out more often. He can’t win.

The gang loads Goku into the aircraft and then they head back to the first battlefield so they can collect the corpses of their friends. It’s a pretty somber ride, until Krillin finally explains his theory that they might be able to wish their friends back to life after all.

This is a pretty cool moment right here. There was a time when Master Roshi was happy to be surpassed by so many young and talented martial artists. Now, they’ve all been killed. Goku and Krillin were wished back, but the Dragon Balls no longer work, so that’s it. The next time Goku and Krillin die, they’ll be gone for good, and Vegeta’s up in space somewhere planning to make that happen very soon. But Master Roshi lives on, and he’s completely powerless to do anything about these new enemies.

For some reason, I forgot about all these scenes of Yamcha, Tien, and Piccolo being loaded into capsule coffins. Of course, the Ocean Dub never would have shown this part, because Saban had the script edited so that they were all blasted “into another dimension”. Showing their dead bodies would have undermined that already flimsy concept. Still, for some reason I remembered Krillin informing Roshi that they would find no remains for Chiaotzu, on account of him blowing himself up.

Bulma starts reminiscing about all the good times she had with Yamcha. That gets kind of awkward, because she spent most of their relationship being mad at him. This one flashback of them walking together never actually appeared before. Judging from Bulma’s Raditz-Era clothes, I’d say this would have been right before she got mad at him before they parted ways between Dragon Ball and DBZ.

I prefer to remember Yamcha this way, standing proud on his own, rocking the Turtle Hermit dogi, got the long hair flowing down his back, giving the audience a low-key but heartfelt thumbs up. Vaya con Dios, Yamcha.

Gohan wakes up and Chi-Chi mothers him the way only a mother can.

He looks in the back and finds his dad, badly hurt but still smiling. Look how happy the li’l guy is. It was a tough year, but he made it all the way through, and now he’s got his parents back.

Yajirobe tries to give Chi-Chi shit for ignoring her husband in favor of her son. First of all, fuck you, Yajirobe. Like you’ve got any business telling anyone how to act in public. You spend most of this episode picking your nose in the background while the others talk. Second of all, Chi-Chi knows her husband had the time of his life almost getting killed today. Gohan’s the one who needs her right now, whether anyone will admit that or not.

Yajirobe asks Goku if he can hit her. Yeah, go for it, Yajirobe. Make a move, I fucking dare you. I take back what I said before, Yajirobe sucks.

Anyway, Krillin lays out his big idea. When the Saiyans first saw Piccolo, they recognized him as a Namekian, an alien from the planet Namek, and Vegeta said that the Dragon Balls must have been a product of Namekian magic. During the battle, Vegeta abandoned the plan of using Earth’s Dragon Balls, in favor of simply going straight to Namek and finding more powerful Dragon Balls there. Krillin thinks he must have been on to something. If Piccolo and Kami were originally from Namek, then it stands to reason that there’s Dragon Balls there that still work. All they have to do is go there and find them, and they can wish their dead back to life.

The problem is that no one even knows where the planet would be, but Goku contacts King Kai and asks him, and he knows all sorts of things about it. After praising Goku and the others for their efforts, he looks up its coordinates...

... and he gives some background on the planet’s recent history. He had believed that a natural disaster wiped out the entire population of Namek in the past...

... but he can sense fewer than 100 still living on the planet today, so the severe weather didn’t kill them all.

While they talk this all out, the gang begins to realize that the Namekian who split into Kami and Piccolo must have been a refugee, sent to Earth to escape the natural disaster on Planet Namek. For whatever reason, no one ever came to get him after the crisis abated. King Kai assures them that the Namekians are a gentle people, not like Piccolo at all.

On the contrary, Piccolo’s evil was probably born from the corrupting influence of Earthlings, so who’s the real Demon King, I ask you?

While they all discuss this, Bulma crunches some numbers and determines that Namek is simply too distant to reach by spacecraft. The fastest ship Capsule Corp. has would take 4339.25 years to make the trip, and that’s just one way.

You know, I remember Bulma being pretty snotty about this in the Ocean Dub, almost like she was glad to burst everyone’s bubble. I can imagine an alternate universe where “4339 years and three months” would have become the big meme instead of “Over 9000.” Ah well.

But Krillin’s got a solution in mind. He saw Vegeta leave in his spaceship, but it was clearly a one-seater. In the dub, he points out that there’d be no way that Nappa guy could have fit in there with him, so I just want to pass along that mental image. Anyway, the point is that Nappa must have come to Earth in his own ship, which must still be lying around somewhere. And Krillin stole Vegeta’s keyfob when he left, so he’s pretty sure they can use it to recover Nappa’s ship. From there, Bulma and her dad can reverse engineer the thing and it can make the trip in a much shorter time.

And now Bulma’s sold. I like that about her. A minute ago, it was impossible, not because Bulma’s a pessimist, but because she can only work with the technology available to her. Hand her an alien spaceship with a faster-than-light engine, and she completely changes her tune. She’s so scary good with gadgets that reverse-engineering alien tech is nothing to her.

Everyone laughs.

THEN THEY POINT.

Then they laugh again.

Goku tried to point too, but his arm has an owie.

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #goku #chi chi #gohan #krillin #master roshi #korin #yajirobe #yamcha #kami #piccolo #king kai #namek saga

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