#but i have never reacted so emotional
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i’m on a teambuilding with work and argued with two co-workers about palestine and isr*** and it was so fucked up i was shaking so bad i almost spilled my tea AND started crying so if anyone can give advice on how to discuss this topic without getting so emotional and wanting to slap people in the face i’d gladly take it
#they were so pro isr*** it was soooooo awful what they said#and everything they said was soooo wrong#i will always defend palestine#but i have never reacted so emotional#i just didn’t know how to act#like what do you say to ppl who defend and justify what the zionist#colonisers do#and blame palestinians for everything#and like i was giving arguments etc#but they have their opinion and its just not worth it to discuss it#anyway I know i haven’t been on tumblr for a while#but i need to get this off my chest#and also after that argument i had to listen to a presentation#for another two hours#and i kept looking outside so i wouldn’t cry#personal#might delete later who knows#if anyone has advice pls share it with me
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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Cockpit Conversation Analysis
So I just wanted to go over my thoughts on this conversation cause I think people miss out on a few things. It's the first conversation we see between Curly and Jimmy when it's just the two of them. Before it happens we're told that Jimmy has been difficult with Anya, making her job harder and saying things that are sexual harassment (if the cartoon horse question isn't actually on the eval). We go into the conversation with the framing that Jimmy and Curly are friends. They've known each other for a long time and Curly is confident Jimmy won't bullshit him. Except on the way to the cockpit we get Curly's one and only bizarro moment and it's an expression of fear and anxiety. With this context in mind let's look at the actual conversation.
Transcript from @familiarartistname they're awesome for providing these.
I've already talked about these lines a bit but to sum up Jimmy asks Curly to fake it and Curly refuses to forcing him to go through the eval.
What I want to point out for this post is that Jimmy's not wrong in his assessment of how useless the psych evals are. I think his general irritation with the eval helps mask his disdain for Anya. Especially if being attracted to cartoon horses is an actual question in universe and not just an easter egg on the in game eval sheet. If it is I think this is part of why Curly and Anya don't take Jimmy as seriously as they should here.
I also think it's important to note how and when Curly bends the rules. He'll do Jimmy's eval for Anya but he won't make up answers for Jimmy. I think this is an example of the balancing act that Curly is engaged in as captain.
These next lines are interesting to me. One is that Curly seems to take separation of what PE needs to know and not know. He makes it clear that whatever Jimmy says here is not going to be repeated to the company. He does something similar for Anya when he thinks she took the gun during a breakdown over the layoffs. Notably he doesn't open up to Anya during his own eval. I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he doesn't is because of a lack of this distinction. This is also another example of Curly doing that balancing act of being a captain. Managing what the company should know while protecting his coworkers' mental health.
The other interesting part is Jimmy's answer to the question. He likes it cause they're in control here. I think Jimmy is the most positive about working for PE and it's all because he feels in control. I think people miss it but Jimny is happy for the most part pre layoff. He's in control what more could he want?
I think it's interesting that he says this because on paper Jimmy's not in control. I've seen people call Jimmy Curly's co-captain but he's not. He's just the co-pilot and by the looks of things isn't actually of higher rank than the rest of the crew. Post crash it takes 2 months for him to take the captain title and he gets push back from the others. If he did outrank them or was co-captain leadership would have instantly passed to him but it doesn't. Yet Jimmy says "We're in control" because Curly's control is his control because he controls/leeches off of Curly. I think this line is our first warning sign that something's not quite right with their relationship.
This part of the conversation has a lot going on even though it's so few lines. First it tells us that Jimmy liking the job is unexpected because he's struggled in the past and people praise Curly as a captain and Jimmy doesn't like that.
Focusing on Jimmy's line I think this is the first line that people pick up on that their friendship is strange because who tells their friend people praising them is annoying? If you look at the flow of the conversation there's no reason for Jimmy to bring this up as well. It goes "How are you?" "Great" "That's unexpected because of your past" "Yeah well people praising you is annoying". They're not talking about Curly or how people see him as a captain. Jimmy brings it up and calls it annoying simply to hurt Curly.
Jimmy takes Curly bringing up his struggles as an attack so he attacks back by making him feel bad about something good. Remember that when Jimmy brings this up during the birthday scene he misquotes Curly as saying "struggle of a life" when that's not what Curly said at all. That's how Jimmy felt about it though. This also isn't the last time Jimmy uses Curly's success as a captain as a weapon against him either. The way Jimmy does this is also very emotionally abusive. Jimmy isn't just framing praise for Curly as bad but bad because it upsets Jimmy. It might not seem like much but comments like these are links in a chain, they add up together.
For Curly's part of the conversation I've seen interesting interpretations of what those "struggles" were but I think we do lose some context sometimes. It's important to remember that Curly thinks Jimmy's struggles would've led him to dislike being a freighter pilot. Meaning his struggles are most likely more personal in nature.
So Jimmy switches topics again by asking Curly what's bothering him. Jimmy also does this during the birthday party scene. He seems very intune with Curly's emotions able to see past any attempts to hide it and see that he's upset. Which does indicate their closeness and friendship.
As for the last line looking at this transcript made me realize how much the fandom associates this suicidal imagery with Curly even though it's Jimmy who says it. In fact I don't think Curly ever describes his feelings like this it's always Jimmy who says it about Curly. This is a very odd way to ask your friend why he seems upset and iirc the next time Jimmy brings this imagery up to Curly is right before he attempts a murder-suicide.
(The line "And that's bad?" should be green as that's Jimmy.)
Curly's answer to Jimmy's question is very interesting because it's not uncommon for people his age to feel this way. We spend the first part of our lives growing into, discovering, and establishing the people we're going to be. When we hit our 30s/40s it's natural to look over who you've become and what you've made for yourself and ask "Am I satisfied with this?" I think for Curly he's leaning towards "no".
It's not that Curly thinks he's above his job, he's just not satisfied in it. It's like how Swansea isn't satisfied with the life of a family man even though society says that's the "right" way to live. Curly is weighing the risks and benefits of staying in a steady job he's successful at vs starting over with something that will satisfy him even if he's not conventionally successful at it. It's a heavy decision to make and we know from the dlc for How Fish Are Made that Curly regrets not changing sooner.
As for Jimmy's response, he in fact doesn't get it. It's fascinating how Jimmy took Curly's words about life satisfaction and turned it into being about career success and hierarchy. Curly's feelings have nothing to do with reaching the top of his career but Jimmy can't see this. Jimmy sees the world through Capitalist/Patriarchal hierarchies and has a habit of projecting his feelings/pov onto others. This is the closest he can get to understanding where Curly is in his life right now. Which makes sense because Jimmy comes from poverty and has struggled in the past he's not at the same life stage as Curly.
It's also fascinating that again we see imagery that the fandom associates with Curly being something Jimmy says about Curly and that Curly never expresses. The only time this imagery comes up for Curly iirc is his bizzaro sequence leading up to this conversation with Jimmy. The ladder is a metaphor Jimmy imposes on Curly. He also kind of imposes this sense of ambition onto Curly. Like it's only natural that after reaching the top of one ladder a man would look for a new ladder to climb.
There's something about the last thing Jimmy says here that is necessary to point out because I think people miss it. Jimmy turns the conversation back to himself. He's made Curly's feelings about himself and once again made Curly's feelings in opposition to his own. Curly's dissatisfaction while being at the top vs Jimmy still climbing.
Lastly Curly knows Jimmy doesn't get it. "Something like that" indicates Jimmy's interpretation isn't right and later in the birthday party scene Curly reinforces this by saying things like "what I was trying to tell you". So yeah Curly knows that Jimmy doesn't understand him but doesn't try to explain further.
Curly's last bit of dialog in this scene is him comforting Jimmy. Remember how I said Jimmy recenters himself despite the conversation at this point being about Curly? This is what I mean. Jimmy asked Curly to be vulnerable with him and Curly ends up comforting Jimmy. Jimmy gives Curly no words of reassurance here, in fact Curly doesn't even get understanding.
In comparison see my Dead Pixel analysis where even though Curly doesn't see the pixel he still believes Anya and aligns with her opinion of the screen being nice. There's no alignment here between Curly and Jimmy, they are talking about 2 different things and it's one sided in Jimmy's favor. In the Dead Pixel convo notice how Anya continues to open up to him, she goes from the pixel to the time left to the locks. Curly in comparison stops trying.
This line also establishes Curly's belief in Jimmy. A belief that even this conversation demonstrates that he shouldn't have. But it's subtle and I can't blame Curly for missing all the things wrong here when so many of the fandom misses it too. We give the conversation the benefit of the doubt because they're friends and we don't know the full scope of Jimmy yet. It's also interesting cause this is the only time Curly says he believes in Jimmy outright and yet the way he believes Anya about Jimmy brings up questions for another time.
Alright last bit and it's from Jimmy himself. So two things from those first lines. One we have Jimmy back to feeling good from Curly's belief in him. A reminder that back when he was asked how he was doing he was fine. Jimmy's feelings are the priority here. Two we see Jimmy's insecurities in here. He's insecure about how his eval comes across. He's very insecure about how he's precieved which comes up again and again through his obsession with reputation, being a hero, and being a patriarch. I also think this points to where his struggles might be in. The evals are labeled as psychological but the actual questions are about employee productivity. Which part of that Jimmy is worried about I'm not sure.
Then we get the message from corporate and Jimmy is instantly out of there. Which brings me back to the beginning. Jimmy likes it there cause "we're in control" and yet when the responsibility of that control shows up he excuses himself. Granted there may be a rule that no one else can be in the room when messages come in but that reinforces the fact that Jimmy doesn't have any power on paper. He's not a co-captain. Jimmy's sense of control comes from his power over Curly.
So yeah my final thoughts? This conversation is unhealthy and it's the nicest conversation we see Jimmy have with the actual Curly. We get a little joking around here and there but one on one longer convos? This is as nice as it gets. In context Curly experiences feelings of fear, anxiety, and isolation on his way to this conversation. It's full of unhealthy moments and the one sided prioritizing of Jimmy's feelings. The status quo for them has not changed yet. If this is an example of what their average conversations are like their relationship is emotionally abusive.
Imagine having a friendship where you have to always prioritize your friend's emotions over your own. Where if you say something that bothers them they take verbal potshots at you. Where they make you feel guilty for being more successful. Where they make your vulnerabilities about them. It's like I said it's links in a chain. By themselves it's not a problem but together over time these behaviors will do damage to a person.
And putting this conversation back into context this is one of three verbally abusive moments we witness in the span of a week. And there are indicators that in each that these abusive behaviors aren't new. Curly in this conversation doesn't question Jimmy claiming control or the "praise for you is annoying" comment. None of this is weird to him and that's a bad sign. Abusive behavior was already normalized on the Tulpar, it was a powder keg waiting to happen.
#If you wonder why Curly reacts so weirdly to Anya's abuse this is part of why#Jimmy's abusive behavior is already normal to Curly and his responses to that abuse are well established#Looking at this conversation you see that he's already trained to prioritize Jimmy's emotions#He does it here and he does it with Anya#Jimmy can say what he wants to Curly but Curly has to be careful with Jimmy#We also see that Jimmy was projecting onto Curly hard even before the layoffs#He does it like 3 times in this one conversation#Curly and Jimmy should have never been working together#And I don't mean that Curly shouldn't have helped his friend get a job#Though maybe he shouldn't have set him up at PE because no one should work at PE but that is a different conversation#No PE should have never allowed friends or family to work together in a long term isolated environment#It is a breeding ground for abuse as is but putting pre-established relationships through it scales up the rusk by magnitudes#Like if Curly and Jimmy's friendship wasn't abusive before PE being stuck together in an isolated space helped make it so#Just picture your friend starting to treat you badly and you get away from them#you're separated from your support network and you have to work with them or the company will punish you#Being Captain can't help you when you're discouraged from seeking help for your own abuse#This analysis took far too long#I does these on my phone and had to redo a whole section because my signal at work sucked 😭#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#abuse#captain curly
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Spoilers
Ok now that the initial shock has faded and I'm much more grounded. This chapter is good actually. Everyone knew Sukuna was going to die and to some extent I knew his death was going to be anything but glorious. It's jjk people rarely get good and respectful death let alone a grand and glorious one but yeah Gege took me out again with how he closed Sukuna's arc. Was it underwhelming? Yes. In jjk if you don't adapt, don't change you're doomed to fail and Sukuna no matter how much physically strong he was always emotionally fragile and in the end his own lack of self awareness became his cause of demise. Kenjaku the biggest villian of the series (for me, the heinous acts he has done is way more than mass murder) got a pretty satisfying end for him because he was open to see and connect with Takaba. Sukuna never did that and died a lump of flesh. And honestly it's not humiliating or pathetic. At first glance it did seem like with him becoming a slime but he didn't die begging for his life rather still being the no 1 hater and his pride mostly intact (he did looked overwhelmed but when after 1000 years you actually lose it's given) also as hypocritcal as ever (mocking Yuji and others for fearing death but he himself felt that too) His death was neither like a glorious warrior nor truly pathetic like Mahito's. For me he just...had a simple and quick death. Though Yuji holding his remains and finally telling him something that he always unconsciously craved for was very bittersweet maybe this is what Yuji had told him on their stroll time things could've been...better? His 'you're me' moved me honestly. They both are the different sides of a coin. It was sad how Sukuna (the man who never cared for any identification or title) for the first time out of everything chose to identify as a...curse really showed how hollow his sense of self was actually. But no matter how much Sukuna denied it he was still...a human not a god not a curse and he died as such and with the only family he ever had at that (maybe if you see he died in the hands of the only family he ever had) and though a direct parallel to Mahito it wasn't hate that Yuji felt and I think neither pity but empathy genuine empathy. Wishing a place where Sukuna could get someone like he had his grandfather, Gojo had Geto and Megumi had Him....
Rip Ryomen Sukuna very few other characters had me itch my brain with their duality.
#i don't know what am i yapping but i need to get all this off my mind.#his death for me was first as everyone what the hell!? but now its... bittersweet#i hate how gege make me react two different extreme emotions in span of hours.#my only complaint it would've been better to get some last thoughts from Sukuna too maybe next chapter Sukuna airport scene🤔#also me being a Sukuna stan and my competition is Uraume🙇♀️🙇♀️ can never win against them#i have so many thoughts and i fear i sound like 6 year old again#jujutsu kaisen#sukuna#jjk#ryomen sukuna#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 268
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AND WE JUST DONT TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!?!!????
#THIS IS LITERALLY LITERAAALLLYYY THE BIGGEST FORM OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SUGISHITA COULD HAVE#NOT ONLY IS HE DOING WHATS BEST FOR UMEMIYA BUT HES PUTTING HIS TRUST IN SAKURA TO HELP HIM#AND OH IM SO UNWELL#HIS BODY IS PHYSICALLY REACTING TO HIM MAKING THIS DECISION IM JUST#IM SO PROUD#and then sakura acknowledging all of this too i just love them sm#they really have one of the best dynamics 😭😭😭#wind breaker#kyotaro sugishita#sakura haruka#wind breaker spoilers#wind breaker manga spoilers#ok nvm im still talking bc the second image literally gets me everytime i look at it#first off the way they drew sakura in that scene in the first place is just so beautiful thats the only word i can think for it rn 😭😭😭😭#second seeing this scene from sugishitas perspective and then learning later that the reason he has this reaction was because he thought-#-sakura looked cool and hes never thought that about anyone before just really gives us so much more for their relationship#specially how sugishita acts towards him 😭😭#add that onto what umemiya says to him (which i couldnt include in this post </3) about how hes never really shown emotion to anyone-#-till sakura showed up then it gives us an even BETTER understanding of why sugishita acts the way he does around sakura#my brain is so frazzled by the sun today and words are not coming to me easily so apologies if none of this makes any sense 😭😭😭#ill revisit it another time anyway#also the way they describe all of this really makes it sound like he has a lil crush and its so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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Something something a smoothie God the newest chapter got me feeling the emotions
Luffy and Zoro’s interactions with everyone written so in character it made me want to bite someone it’s not even funny anymore I’m obsessed and it’s not going away help
Luffy saw a problem and decided to fix it without telling anyone how he planned to do it and Zoro just reassuring everyone that Luffy has it handled and has a plan gahhhhhhh I’m going to have a stroke
#The Bizarre Diet of Marine Captain Koby#koby one piece#koby loosing it and letting suicidal tendencies take over in panic got me emotional okay?#Like he doesn’t even have the choice to choose his death anymore. Either drowning or something with seastone.#he’s just stuck living-ish until he gets killed again or Garp and Bogard figure something out and it makes me emotional okay.#op koby#captain koby#one piece fic recs#op fanart#op coby#coby one piece#coby#straw hat crew#one piece strawhats#one piece#Gharaaaaaaahhh chewing knawing chomping on this fic the writing is making me want to bite someone#okay I’m sane now.#tw gore#tw blood#tw temporary character death#tw death#Absolutely love the style of writing I strive to write like this! Expressive in a way that gives me bone deep anxiety for the characters#but also snaps me out of it just as quick with one piece typical shenanigans and it’s written so well it’s an alternate canon to me.#Like yes#this never happened. But should it have happened the canon characters would react exactly like this.#one piece zoro#op nami#luffy#op luffy#op zoro
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just remembered a wip i had which was jay at uni meeting normal people and desperately trying to act cool and normal whilst internally screaming about being in a whole new place with all new people and not having his gang with him
#i only wrote one scene where jay meets one of his flatmates#and he’s trying to make casual normal conversation & asks her who her parents are#bc that has always mattered! on the isle or at auradon prep your parentage was also a Conversation Starter#and the girl is just like ……what. why do you want to know that#but she tells him and jay makes it into a joke like hehe oh yes i met them at a soirée once. amazing company#and the girl is like ok who are YOUR parents. knowing full well who he is#and jay says that his dad fosters puppies. and the girl says that sounds like a good life and he’s like ohhh just the BEST#i really. love exploring jay at uni i’ve written a couple of things i’ve never finished#like!!! for the first time for years he’s well and truly all alone!!!!#and at least the isle & ap had similarities. uni is just full of very normal people who don’t particularly give a shit#and jay who is like THE guy who cares about everything so much all the time and how people are reacting to him and he’s desperately trying+#to be so cool and unbothered whilst trying not to revert to his isle tactics regarding people who may be threats#just. being somewhere so so new. with no one he knows. everyone else is so far away. and jay is missing his gang like he’d miss+#his body parts. and it’s like. jays always buried his own emotions & hurt so he can better protect his gang#and now he has no gang to protect#and he is just laid absolutely bare. and also constantly stressing about not being there for the others#i just think he’d have an absolutely awful start to uni <3#descendants#jay son of jafar
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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
↳ Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games // The Gang Goes Bowling
#iasip#it's always sunny in philadelphia#dennis reynolds#sunny sweet 16#LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE SAME DENNIS. HE WAS NEVER EMOTIONLESS.#YOU JUST HAVE TO WATCH HIM.#the ONLY reason he didnt react during chardee macdennis is because their win was riding on it#the sunny wiki for so long saying this was proof of him being emotionless or somehow Immune To Pain#when he is LITERALLY WINCING AND SAYING OW AFTER THE FACT#it's the exact same thing as what mac and charlie were talking about with dee during emotional battery#she can get through that and then cry once theyve won. dennis can take a dart to the hand and be visibly in pain afterwards#and also i imagine breaking every bone in his hand is probably more painful than a dart jdsfkjsv#ada speaks#ada's gifs#I DIDNT WANT TO REBLOG SUNNYKEYSMASH'S POST IN CASE IT CAME OFF AS INFLAMMATORY BUT IM HAVING FEELINGS ABOUT THIS COMPARISON SO UH SHOUTOUT#EDIT: CONTEXT WAS NOT THAT SUNNYKEYSMASH CLAIMED HE WAS EMOTIONLESS I JUST WAS INSPIRED AFTER SEEING A POST#i was mad at dudebros using the dart scene as evidence for him being a sociopath and it just reminded me jshvfkjsd
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actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored
#N posts stuff#like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up#JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of#breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least#been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter#what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way#other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit#so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series#Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex#'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals#Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid#and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have)#ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue#that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex#because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay#so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG.#bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly#the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad#'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway.#the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to#like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry#and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated#on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty#so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes#not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway
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society if daughters didn't have to be the peace mediator in the family
#NONE OF YOU ARE RIGHT#neither of you have healthy coping mechanisms and i am saying this as a very selfaware person#one is so short tempered other is so emotional#like ok. maybe it wasn't the best thing that happened but do you see yow you're reacting rm#your problem is you already plan to ruin everyone's mood the next time you visit#you don't know how to let things go#oh and this side of you will NEVER come out for your own fuckass brothers and sisters#then it's all about maintaining peace and shit#jfc act like adults for once bro i was so tired i couldn't take it#so i decided to visit her today because no way i was going to study peacefully#and then i come back now and yall are still stuck on the same topic like.#you're 50 smth year old shut the fuck up and use your brain pls#v.txt
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Starting to lose my Whit Young kinnie status in that way that i gaf
#im crying my eyes out for the first time in years and i dont get why my body is reacting this way#i dont know why i care about people suddenly#i dont know why anyone would ever want to be selfish with me while im weak#i dont know why i feel so horrible about some things#i dont like this#get this away#my body is weird#im not equipped to deal with something i have never experienced#im supposed to laugh at people who fuck up and go to hospital#im supposed to stare blankly at passed out people#im supposed to just be able to#not WORRY for someone or feel JEALOUS about someone else or care about more than one person#or CRY CRY CRY aboht losing a friend#sghhhh#idkont know how to navigate this#i didnt feel emotions for years man#im a wreck#i need to give this to whit young actually for a second itd be funny if my (ex?) kinnie suffered the same fate#whit young#drdt#danganronpa despair time
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hhhnmg wip
#idk what im doing with Pavo's expression#this is supposed to be the moment he realizes that despite Everything. Everything hes done and everything hes been told#about where his worth as a person is and how people are supposed to react to his less than perfect battle worn face#despite it all. Esti loves him. and had never once lied about loving him#Its the realization of how close he had come to fumbling the best thing that has ever happened to him and the realization that#he doesn't deserve Esti because if it had been Anyone else in Esti's position. they wouldn't have put up with a fraction of#his bullshit before they left him to rot alone#and its the knowledge that he has to shape the fuck up and fix so many things that he broke out of anger and complete#disbelief that anyone. much less Esti. could actually love him#so idk. thats a lot of complicated emotions to get across#Euphoria and despair and self hatred and absolute adoration#i think im going to fuck up his face a bit more either way. make it less symmetrical
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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maybe if usopp had actually discussed his feelings and insecurities with his friends instead of lashing out, maybe the fandom wouldn’t be near unanimous in their disdain for his actions in w7 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i’m just saying man#like i get it#he’s insecure in his position amongst the strawhats#the death of the merry reflects the death of his mother#etc etc#but never once does he ever bring any of that up#instead he accuses his friends of not actually caring about him and thinking he’s a nuisance when they’ve proven time and time again that#that’s not true#granted i haven’t finished w7 nor gotten to ennies lobby yet so my opinion may change#but rn i think he was being a dumbass who let his emotions get the better of him#cause personally if i wa stuffy i would have reacted the same god damn thing#you wanna leave so bad? you want to sail on the grand line with a ship that’ll sink before you reach a new island? be my fuckin guest#rant over#one piece#water 7#spilled milk
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How about an AU where Isaac decides to leave the castle too and helps Hector escape? 😏
It's so hard to imagine because an Isaac who chooses anyone over his Lord is no longer Isaac... 🥺
Maybe he didn't do it out of morality like Hector. Maybe he really felt more loved by his friend than by Dracula. It's really hard to imagine, again, but maybe in this AU Hector made him realize that their Lord doesn't care about them and Isaac deserves better than being the eternal second best and if you allow me to be on my shit on main what if isaac was appalled by the brand of dehumanizing favoritism dracula showed hector because his big bro instincts activated
I want to think Isaac would have a more solid plan than Hector's "step 1: run. step 2: die" fhdjkfhdskjhfkj. He seems to be the better of the two at thinking ahead. I think that first thing first he'd try to crash to Julia's, especially if the two were still in touch (Julia knew about Isaac's feelings for Hector, somehow). From there, I think he would like to live nearby, in a remote place because Devil Forgemaster, but even if they're unable to return to human society, at least they have each other :3
... I bet this was something Hector hoped for, in canon, if only Isaac didn't love his Lord more than himself.
#castlevania#akumajou dracula#hector castlevania#isaac laforeze#isaactor#i like to imagine hector honestly fantasized about he and isaac going to live by themselves in the countryside#but he was afraid of even joking about it because he didn't know how isaac would react#hector gives me the impression of enjoying the quiet domestic life#isaac... not so much. i think he needs strong emotions lol#but maybe he too could have found some peace if cv3 never happened
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I think about g.rimmer playing soccer with the kids (and failing miserably lol) a lot 👉🏽👈🏽
#G.RIMMER GOING IN FOR THE STEAL!!!!#ugh and that laugh..#i love him so much#he's really good with kids#it always makes me feel really emotional considering how fucking horrific his childhood was + him being a father in the past#he's such a good guy#and hehe he's so handsome too! i love seeing him play with the kids ajdhajsb him falling over is pretty funny too-#g.rimmer i love yoouuu 😭😭😭#he doesn't have any kids with ash later which is fine. neither of them want any and they're happy with what they have#but#ash does have a pet cat named Spoons. spoons loves g.rimmer and their interactions are always very cute!#honestly grimmer has never really interacted with a cat before considering... the conditions he grew up in#he doesn't know how to react or what to do. or why the cat keeps looking at him. he's a little nervous to pet Spoons at first#but Spoons warms up to him really fast! and she goes meow meow and sits on his lap a lot#it's a running gag that Spoons likes G.rimmer and K.enzo more than she likes Ash LMAAOOO cats am i right?#i just love g.rimmer so much. he's such a beacon of positivity and strength and joy. he's been through hell on earth but he still smiles#and even when I'm not looking at him from the lens of a selfshipper. i admire him and look up to him so much#but also he's my bf and i love him so much!!!!#ash rambles 💚#spring memories 🥪
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